ga780619 -- Hi, there...I'm Jon Arbuckle. I'm a cartoonist, and this is my cat, Garfield. - Hi, there. I'm Garfield. I'm a cat, and this is my cartoonist, Jon. - Our only thought is to entertain you. Feed me.
ga780620 -- Happy birthday, Garfield. I have a surprise for you. - A rubber mousey! - Could've used a little salt...
ga780621 -- A MOUSE! GET IT! - Garfield! You didn't even try! - Show me a good mouser, and I'll show you a cat with bad breath.
ga780622 -- I'm putting you on a diet, Garfield...here's your dinner. - WHA... -
ga780623 -- - Ahhhhh... - Happiness is a warm television set.
ga780624 -- SLAP! - - Don't be cruel, Garfield. Put the catburger out of its misery and eat it.
ga780625 -- Cats... - We cats are intelligent, soft, cute... - furry cuddly... - playful... - demure... - - and masters of the house.
ga780626 -- We cats like to sit in high places. It reinforces our superiority. - - Help.
ga780627 -- - - Garfield, you dummy.
ga780628 -- Here, Garfield, ...beg. - EEYOUCH!! - Groveling is not one of my strong suits.
ga780629 -- You can't drink coffee, Garfield. You'll stunt your, uh, your... - - One lump or two?
ga780630 -- All I ever do is eat and sleep, eat and sleep, eat and sleep. - There must be more to a cat's life than that. - But, I hope not.
ga780701 -- This is it, Garfield, the late-late movie with Brigitte Bardot. - Got our soda pop. Got our popcorn. We're set. - zzzzzz zzzzz
ga780702 -- I'm out of shape. - I think I'll take up jogging. - - - pant pant pant - Whew! Made it!
ga780703 -- - PURRR - I hate static electricity.
ga780704 -- I really shouldn't eat that fish... - - Call it an ethnic weakness.
ga780705 -- itch scratch scratch - scratch! scratch! scratch! scratch! itch scratch! scratch! scratch! scratch! - AARRRGH!
ga780706 -- SNIFF! - Cat food... - The bouquet leaves something to be desired.
ga780707 -- Ah, a curtain upon which to sharpen my claws. - - I hate double-knit.
ga780708 -- Dear Garfield: Believe it or not, I am an ugly kitten! Oh, I do all the things "cute" kittens do...play with yarn and such, but I don't get any attention. What can I do? Mud Fence - Dear "Mud": You're trying too hard to be cute. You'll get
ga780708 -- more attention if you just be yourself... - And sharpen your claws on the living room drapes.
ga780709 -- STEAK! - BANZAI! - POOMP! - - GARFIELD! - HISSS! - Even a house cat has to forage for himself once in a while.
ga780710 -- Hmmmm...a new sofa. - - Much better.
ga780711 -- I'm getting lazy. It would do me good to get some exercise. - YAWN - Much better.
ga780712 -- Love a cookout. - - Mind if I smoke?
ga780713 -- I'm going to take an active part in energy conservation. - Get on your mark, get set... - Conserve.
ga780714 -- You're going to love this movie, Garfield. It's my all-time favorite. - Now here's where lieutenant Lacroix finds a spot of blood on the butler's sleeve...so he figures, "Aha! This guy is acting very suspicio -
ga780715 -- I'm just your average, ordinary cat... - For instance, I'm crazy about nature's most perfect food... - LASAGNA!
ga780716 -- - Garfield! Bath time! - zippppp! - GARFIELD? - - SCREEEEEE - - You do what you have to.
ga780717 -- This is the life. I don't think I'll ever get out of bed again. - - I'm hungry.
ga780718 -- Good news, Garfield! - The administration says the rate of inflation is going down. - That and a buck-fifty will get you a cup of coffee.
ga780719 -- Ah, here comes the mailman. - - Why should dogs have all the fun?
ga780720 -- Oh boy, oh boy, today is thursday and that's Lasagna Day. - CAT FOOD! -
ga780721 -- Tickle, tickle, - TICKLE-TICKLE-TICKLE - I think I'm going to throw up.
ga780722 -- YAWN - CRICK! - Hello, doctor? ...my cat's stuck in a stretch.
ga780723 -- - - - - - - - Beware Of Cat!
ga780724 -- SLURP MUNCH SMACK - Garfield, you're a fat, arrogant, lazy pig. - Well, excuuuuuuse me!
ga780725 -- - - Garfield, cut that out!
ga780726 -- SQUIRT! - chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk - Garfield, you should really learn to control your temper.
ga780727 -- - Now where could my pipe be? - GARFIELD!!
ga780728 -- POOK! - - -
ga780729 -- Heh, heh, heh. M-I-C - A cat who likes Mickey Mouse. K-E-Y - Shake it, Annette.
ga780730 -- - - - - - Don't try looking cute at me, Garfield. You still can't have any of my steak.
ga780731 -- Girl scouts like me. - B-B-B-B-B-B - AAAAAAAA I amuse them.
ga780801 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch - Oops. I got a scratch on Jon's favorite chair. - Maybe he won't notice.
ga780802 -- One last olive. - - clunk clunk clunk
ga780803 -- - SSSSSS - One word about curiosity killing the cat, and I'll break your face.
ga780804 -- I hate television commercials. - They're too long to sit through... - -and they're too short for a trip to the sandbox!
ga780805 -- - - Never trust a smiling cat.
ga780806 -- - Nothing to do today but hang on the screen door... - I'm bored. - Bored, bored, bored, bored. - Bored, bored, bored, Bored, bored, bored, Bored, bored, bored. - I wish something would happen. - GARFIELD, LUNCH TIME!!! SLAM! - I'm in pain...
ga780806 -- pain, pain, pain, pain.
ga780807 -- DING DONG - Lyman. Jon. - I'm cold. I'm hungry. I'm weak. Take me in! - Sure, Lyman. You know my home is your home. And my sandbox is off-limits.
ga780808 -- Is that all you have, the one suitcase? Not exactly. - HERE BOY! - Oh, lawsey, lawsey, lawsey.
ga780809 -- Come on, Garfield. Snap out of this deep blue funk. So what if a dog moved in... - You can handle it. Cheer up. - - Take me now, lord!
ga780810 -- What's your dog's name? Odie. - Odie...a dog named Odie... - A blimp named Hindenburg...a ship named Titanic...a car named Edsel. A fresh...
ga780811 -- - CRASH! - Ten billion dogs in this world, and I get Tweedledee, the wonder dummy.
ga780812 -- WOOF! - BARK! - YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP!
ga780813 -- Poor me. - Sigh...a big, vicious, brute of a dog has moved into *my* home... - - GRAB! - whap whap whap whap whap whap whap - dribble dribble dribble - PUNT - How will I ever survive?
ga780814 -- Does it hurt to rub a cat the wrong way? I don't know. - ROWRRRR!! Yup.
ga780815 -- Odie! Look what you did on the floor! - yip! yip! yip! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! whap! whap! whap! - They should've named him "Spot".
ga780816 -- Lyman, you gotta housebreak Odie. How? - Swat him with something. With what? -
ga780817 -- - pat pat pat pat -
ga780818 -- I think I'll put that dog's lights out. - - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga780819 -- - THOCK! - New dance? Bad aim.
ga780820 -- We cats are the source of many myths... - The saying, "nervous as a cat", is an old wive's tale. - BARK! - - - Not to mention, "a cat always lands on its feet".
ga780821 -- Heh, heh, heh. splash splash splash - Cats just love to play with water. - Whew! I thought I'd never find Jon's watch.
ga780822 -- dab dab dab dab - SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! - MY CHICKEN SOUP! The devil made me do it.
ga780823 -- Hey, Jon! What do you think of my new outfit? - - Does Garfield always shed like that? Only on white disco suits.
ga780824 -- munch munch munch - PUNT - Gotta keep my strength up.
ga780825 -- - -
ga780826 -- - SPLOOCH! - Help yourself to the lasagna, Garfield.
ga780827 -- You're getting a little chunky there, pal. - I'm thinking of putting you on a diet, Garfield. - DIET! - I'm already feeling weak! - FOOD! I need FOOD! - The room's growing dim! - WHOP! - clap clap clap clap clap clap
ga780828 -- Garfield, as of this minute, I'm putting you on a diet. - Garfield? - I think I snapped his mind.
ga780829 -- Come on, old buddy. Going on a diet's not all that bad. Why, a couple of pounds off the middle and you'll be fit and trim again. - THAT'S BETTER. - I didn't have the heart to tell him he's made the weight watcher's ten most-wanted list.
ga780830 -- So I'm on a diet...big deal. - You know what a "diet" is, don't you? - IT'S "DIE" WITH A "T," THAT'S WHAT IT IS!
ga780831 -- A diet. Jon has me on a diet. - POOMP!! - When the lasagna content in my blood gets low, I get mean.
ga780901 -- - Wax! - Everything tastes good when you're on a diet.
ga780902 -- Let's see see how well you've done o your diet this week, Garfield. - Now where's the bathroom scale? - I'm sitting on it.
ga780903 -- I hate summer. I gotta beat this heat somehow. - Ahhh, Jon's fan... - Jon's sunglasses. - Jon's hat. - - Some ice cubes and Jon's old kiddy pool. - Mornin', Jon. Here's your mail.
ga780904 -- Labor day, shmabor day. What a dumb day. - To hire some jerk, then send him away... - To celebrate work by playing all day.
ga780905 -- - -
ga780906 -- - -
ga780907 -- Hee-hee-he - HA-HA-HA-HA-HA -
ga780908 -- And that's all for mystery theater. ...good night. - CLICK! - CLICK! GARFIELD! CUT THAT OUT!
ga780909 -- What're you doing tonight, Lyman? I'm gonna catch the new flick down at the bijou. - It's about this kid who puts a tack in his teacher's chair, and she sits on it. - Not much of a plot. I suppose not. But I still enjoy the movies where the
ga780909 -- boy gets the girl in the end.
ga780910 -- BRINNNG! - - Mornin', Lyman. Good morning, Jon. - Ready to go? Be right with you. - GARFIEEELD!! zzzz - Rise'n'shine, old buddy. Time to go jogging! - Where's Garfield? I think I'll let him sleep in.
ga780911 -- - - *@$*!! Leg cramps.
ga780912 -- Hmmmmm . SMACK! -
ga780913 -- purrrr - PURRR! - Have some lasagna, Garfield... purrr
ga780914 -- CRINKLE RUSTLE CRINKLE - - Garfield, get out of the trash.
ga780915 -- Darn bugs. buzzzzz - SWAT! SPLAT! - Thanks, I needed that.
ga780916 -- Cats make better pets. But you need a dog for protection. - - I hate to see a grown man cry.
ga780917 -- - - - - SLAM! - - - Veterinary Clinic Somehow they always know.
ga780918 -- bat bat - - FWIP FWIP FWIP - I hate mondays.
ga780919 -- Hey, Garfield. Meet Hondo the puppet. - Hi, Garfield. You're sure fat! Ha-ha-ha! -
ga780920 -- I hate summer. - The unbearable heat, sticky car seats, hay fever season and scorched lawns... - Not to mention curdled kitty munchies.
ga780921 -- Z - Snort, uh-oh! - Oh Ow Eep Ipp Ooh Aah Ooch
ga780922 -- - - Sunburned tummy.
ga780923 -- Oh boy, at last. College football season. - I would have played college football had it not been for my beliefs... - I don't believe in bleeding on saturday! How would you like to be unnecessarily roughed?
ga780924 -- I hate dogs. - Look at that poor mutt... - pant pant pant All buggy-eyed and pant-y and slobbery. It's just disgusting. - Heh, heh heh. - Here, Odie. Have a steak. pat pat - - pant pant pant
ga780925 -- FWID! - FLUFF FLUFF - Garfield! Time to eat! - I hate mondays.
ga780926 -- All dogs should be banned from our country... - They are noisy, silly, sloppy, rude... - And they're rusting our nation's fire hydrants.
ga780927 -- Tum, dee-dum, dee-dum. - PUNT! - If it weren't for my naturally sweet nature, I'd make life rough for that dog.
ga780928 -- bbbbb - BARK! - I'd hate to see that sucker's bite!
ga780929 -- Garfield - BARK! - If god had intended for dogs to bark, he would have given them roots and leaves.
ga780930 -- BIFF! - BOP! - SMACK! POKE! Garfield, one. Odie, one.
ga781001 -- Ahem...mee, mee, mee - MEEEYOWRRRRR - blink blink - SHADDUP, YOU STUPID CAT! - WING! - THOCK! - CHUNK! - Tom Seaver, eat your heart out.
ga781002 -- BOING! - rrrr - I hate mondays.
ga781003 -- I wonder if I should pick up anything for Garfield from the pet store. How about a scratching post? - Good idea. I'll get him one. - Bless you!
ga781004 -- Surprise, Garfield! Oh boy, a scratching post. - FWING! - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - It wasn't the living room drapes, but I'll give it a seven.
ga781005 -- YAWN - That floor sure looks cold this morning. - Better not risk it.
ga781006 -- I'm not getting out of the bed if the floor is cold. - It's freezing! - Good.
ga781007 -- zzzzz - BARK! - Now that I'm up...I might as well have breakfast.
ga781008 -- Good morning, Garfield. - Today we're going to learn to walk on a leash. - - - KABONKA BONKA BONKA - ROWRR! - I tell you, Thelma, this neighborhood is getting weirder by the minute.
ga781009 -- buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - zzzzzz - SPLOSH - I hate mondays.
ga781010 -- - - Ever thought of walking AROUND the furniture?
ga781011 -- - Oh well...I guess a cat is entitled to let down on his defenses once in his life. -
ga781012 -- water water water - pat pat pat - What's the use?
ga781013 -- Garfield! I'm back from the store. - We're having a cookout tonight. I got steak and corn and... - And you just ate the briquettes.
ga781014 -- - - Cats are nice to have when you're feeling lonely.
ga781015 -- - - - - - - BLINK! - I win again.
ga781016 -- - - I think I'll have Garfield declawed.
ga781017 -- Garfield, I'm going to have you declawed. - TAKE AN ARM! TAKE A LEG! BUT SPARE MY CLAWS. - You're going to be declawed and that's it. Now get your head out of the oven!
ga781018 -- I couldn't face life as a declawed person. So I'll just stick my head in this oven and end it all. - - Stupid electric stove.
ga781019 -- Jon's gonna have me declawed. - What a frightening thought... - Going through life unarmed.
ga781020 -- I took Garfield to the vet to be declawed. - They're removing his stitches next thursday. - Poor Garfield. Who's talking about Garfield?
ga781021 -- I'm sorry I tried to have you declawed, Garfield. - I love you just the way you are, claws and all. - someday, somehow, when you're least expecting it, I'm going to shred your bedroom suite.
ga781022 -- OHHH, GARFIELD! - AHA! - puff puff - GOT'CHA! - - - - GARFIELD! Come back here and take your vitamin pill!
ga781023 -- Hello, what's this? - A teddy bear. A dumb, stupid, silly-looking old teddy bear. - I think I'll call him "Pooky".
ga781024 -- - - I didn't see that. I didn't see that. I didn't see that. I didn't see that.
ga781025 -- - GET AWAY FROM MY FOOD, BEAR! - I just yelled at a teddy bear.
ga781026 -- Ho, Garfield. I will not kiss your teddy bear good night. - - SMACK
ga781027 -- Ahhh...nothing like a hot bath after a chilly day. - - GARFIELD! Wanna warm up, Pooky?
ga781028 -- Oh, boy! My bachelor magazine. -I wonder who the centerfold is: Elke? Farrah? - Almira, the amazon?
ga781029 -- It's that time of year again... - At Halloween, we cats become bewitched... - Our eyes turn blood red... - Our fangs grow... - And our hair stands up. - Not to mention longer claws. - - AAY! EEE! - That's right, doc. He screamed turned white,
ga781029 -- and passed out.
ga781030 -- Ah, here comes the mailman. - DRAT! -
ga781031 -- BARK! - ODIE! CUT THAT OUT! - Stick with me, kid. We'll go places.
ga781101 -- I hate november. - Lifeless trees, bleak afternoons, raw winds... - Icy sandboxes.
ga781102 -- KABOING! KABOING! KABOING! - KABOING! KABOING! KABOING! KABOING! - Food's fun!
ga781103 -- SCREEE! - Four ply, steel-belted, radial retread tenny pumps. - ZOOOOOM!
ga781104 -- - ZIP! - That hurt me more than it did him.
ga781105 -- GARFIELD!! - - Hmmmm. A little nippy outside today. - tap tap tap But I GOTTA get some exercise. - I can wait. - Might as well get over it. - And then again... - MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
ga781106 -- Some people have anxiety attacks. Some people have gas attacks. - I have nap attacks. - ZZZZZ
ga781107 -- NAP ATTACK! - FUMP! - I've heard of catnaps, but this is ridiculous. zzzz
ga781108 -- NAP ATTACK! - CRASH! - Whoever thought a nap attack could hurt?
ga781109 -- My tuna pate could use some salt. - Oops! Here comes another nap attack. - There you have it. Garfield's passion for food is only exceeded by his passion for sleep. zzzzzzzz
ga781110 -- Gee, I'd love to stay in bed all day, but I gotta eat sometime. - BUZZ SAW SAW SCRATCH SCRATCH CUT CUT BZZZ -
ga781111 -- Ohooh. I feel a nap attack coming on. - - Turtles have got it knocked.
ga781112 -- - - Why don't you boys go fight or something? - Him Jon! SLAM! Hi, Lyman. - I'm starved! What's to eat? Nothing, I'm eating the last of the food. -
ga781113 -- ZZZZZ SNORT! ZZZZ - MMMPH! - ARRRRRRRGH! Sleeping people are fun.
ga781114 -- I love lasagna! So do I. - GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - I love cats...I wanted a cat...so what do I do? I go to the pet store and ask for a cat. What do they give me? ...a lasagna with fur and fangs.
ga781115 -- Cats need a balanced diet. - Meat, eggs, fruit, bread, vegetables... - And an occasional boston fern for dessert.
ga781116 -- Oh no! Jon got a rocking chair! - As long as there is one rocking chair left in the world, no cat's tail is safe. - MY ROCKING CHAIR! Your kindling.
ga781117 -- Let's see...the piano, book shelves, bench, floor... - Nope, I think I'll go with the chest, chair, hassock, floor. -
ga781118 -- Hmmm...one canister is doggie biscuits and the other is kitty munchies, but I forget which is which. - WHAM! -
ga781119 -- MEYOWR! BARK! - ROWR! FFFT! ROWR! BARK! BARK! - Hold it down, you guys. - meyowr woof - ROWR! FFFT! ROWR! BARK! BARK! - ONE MORE SOUND OUT OF YOU TWO, AND YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE! - RING! Hello? BARK! ROWR!
ga781120 -- Ahhh, six A.M. - This is my favorite time of day. - For sleep.
ga781121 -- - - GARFIELD! He sure wakes up in a bad mood, doesn't he?
ga781122 -- I love scrambled eggs. - Especially on chilly mornings... - When my feet get cold.
ga781123 -- I'm basically your neat cat. - CRASH! - I like to keep my windowsill tidy.
ga781124 -- We cats are loners. - With one possible exception... - We can be very social when it comes to food.
ga781125 -- Okay, Garfield, just one bite of lasagna and that's it. - - It's amazing how much that cat can store in his cheeks.
ga781126 -- AHA! - To be sure you stay away from my pie, I'm going to put this bell around your neck. ding-a-ling a-ling a-ling - I should have thought of this long ago. ding-a-ling a-ling a-ling - Heh-heh, Garfield is in the bedroom now. ding-a-ling
ga781126 -- a-ling a-ling - He's going through the bathroom. ding-a-ling a-ling a-ling - Now he's coming down the hall into the living room. ding-a-ling a-ling - ding-a-ling a-ling a-ling - No ding-a-ling's going to keep me away from my pie.
ga781127 -- Oh, doe! sniff - I thig I hab a code. sniff - Loog...eben my thoughts are stuffed ub.
ga781128 -- sniff hack cough wheeze - - sniff hack cough wheeze
ga781129 -- hack sniff wheeze sniff - GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - Or is it: STARVE a cold, FEED a fever?
ga781130 -- ah ah ah ah - WAH-CHOO! - sniff Bless you.
ga781201 -- ah ah AH AH - WAH-CHOO! - sniff Bless you.
ga781202 -- I thig Garfield gabe me a code. sniff He what? - He gabe me a code! Pardon? - GABE ME A CODE! GABE ME A CODE!
ga781203 -- BRRR! - YAWN! - - - - - I know you're in there somewhere, Garfield! ...OUT!!! - Next time I'll leave a wake-up call at the desk.
ga781204 -- Do you know your cat's sitting on my meat loaf? - No, but if you hum a couple of bars I'll fake it. - This is going to be a long week.
ga781205 -- See you later, Garfield. I'm going to the grocery store. - - Very well, you may come along.
ga781206 -- Now, behave yourself in the grocery store, Garfield. - - I think I just turned a bull loose in a china shop.
ga781207 -- That's the last time I take you to the grocery store, Garfield. - I've never been so humiliated in all my life. - So I ate the pastry section, big deal.
ga781208 -- - Darn - That was too easy.
ga781209 -- When Odie comes by I'm going to round off that pointy head of his. - SLURP! - How can you win against someone who doesn't even know the rules of the game?
ga781210 -- - - - HERE, ODIE! - - Isn't it a little cold to take Odie foe a walk? NONSENSE! -
ga781211 -- Things To Do: 1. wash car 2. do laundry - - 3. and brush Garfield
ga781212 -- I own a cat. - And when you own a cat, eating a normal meal takes on an all-new perspective. - Knowing that somewhere in there is a cat hair with your name on it.
ga781213 -- I'm going to brush all your loose hair out, Garfield. - - I suspected as much.
ga781214 -- sweep sweep sweep sweep sweep - Garfield, what am I supposed to do with all these cat hairs?! Make yourself another cat. - I have the distinct feeling that I was just zinged.
ga781215 -- SMACK! Good night, Garfield. - POOEY! - Growing a beard? I ate a milk dud and kissed a cat.
ga781216 -- Dear Garfield, Help! I have cat hairs all over my home. What can I do to keep Fluffy from shedding? - Simple. - Give the little beggar a good coat of varnish.
ga781217 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch - Uh-oh - Just look what you've done to my chair! - You should be more considerate of other people's property. - Now I know it's natural for cats to sharpen their claws. - Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, and
ga781217 -- cats gotta claw, but do it outside, okay? Garfield? - - GARFIELD
ga781218 -- zzzzzz - YAWN! - What a heck of a way to wake up.
ga781219 -- - - - - - I know cats are fast, but THAT'S ridiculous.
ga781220 -- JON! COME QUICK! - Look! Garfield is actually playing with Odie! I know. It's cause I sprayed Odie with something. - With what? Essence of lasagna.
ga781221 -- You know, maybe there's more to life than just eating and sleeping...maybe I should be more considerate of other people's feelings, nicer to Odie and more generous. - - Nah.
ga781222 -- Scratching posts, Balls of yarn and rubber mousies are okay. - But when it comes to REALLY NEAT playthings... - Give me a Christmas tree!
ga781223 -- What would you like for Christmas, Garfield? 100 slave dogs. - I'll bet you'd like a nice, fluffy ball of yarn to play with. - I think I'll put a piranha in his Christmas stocking.
ga781224 -- - HO-HO-HO - WHUMP! - Let's see, gifts for Jon, Lyman and Odie. - Hmmm - Oh, yes, and Garfield. - How could I ever forget Garfield... - Only kid in the world to ask for 20 pounds of lasagna.
ga781225 -- This is my very first Christmas. - I hope you have a loved one to spend today with because I do. - It's you. Merry Christmas.
ga781226 -- Okay, Garfield. Go fetch! - * -
ga781227 -- Time to get up, Garfield. zzzz - GRRRRR - Now what do I do? zzzz
ga781228 -- - PUSH - CLONK! I'm not known for my compassion.
ga781229 -- I love Fridays. - The end of a long work week, the beginning of a weekend filled with relaxation, TV sports and parties. - Almost makes me wish I had a job.
ga781230 -- This year I resolve to be nicer to dogs. - - Maybe I'll cut down on lasagna instead.
ga781231 -- It's time to make a new year's resolution, Garfield. - I resolve to lose weight and start exercising this year. - - What am I saying? - I must be going waka-waka! - I'm NOT going to diet! ... I'm NOT going to exercise! - I'M FAT, I'M LAZY,
ga781231 -- AND I'M PROUD *OF* IT! - Where's Garfield? He ate the buffet and went to bed.
ga790101 -- POW! - -
ga790102 -- What would you like for breakfast, Garfield? A cup of coffee, a danish and the newspaper. - Have a warm bowl of milk. - You people don't give us cats any credit!
ga790103 -- Do you know why I don't like warm milk? - Try this...drink a bowl of warm milk. - Then, never brush your teeth again.
ga790104 -- Why is it all us cats are stereotyped? - "All cats love milk, hate dogs, love mice" etc., etc., etc. - Sometimes I get so mad I could just kick my Gucci scaring post.
ga790105 -- Do you know why you need me, Garfield? - I can sum it up in two words. - Quality companionship. Body heat.
ga790106 -- We cats are very independent. - We need nobody, no time no where, no way. - Isn't that right, Pooky?
ga790107 -- What, ho? - Oh, goody, a blueberry muffin. - ZIPPPPP - - scratch scratch scratch - KICK! - CRASH! - If pardon the expression, there's more than one way to skin a cat.
ga790108 -- Look what my mother made for you, Garfield. - There, how's that? It's nice and warm. - Disgusting, demeaning, itchy and abomination. But, nice and warm.
ga790109 -- Would you just look at this? Jon's making me wear a kitty sweater. - People dress their pets up because it makes them look like little people. Well, I'm NOT a little person, I'm a CAT. - For instance, I like a pinch of catnip in my morning
ga790109 -- cup of coffee.
ga790110 -- Here he comes. Say something nice. - Lookin' good, Garfield. - Sharp sweater, ol' buddy. - Sad. Looks like a meatball in traction.
ga790111 -- I was feeling pretty punk about having to wear a sweater... - Until I saw Odie's new outfit. -
ga790112 -- Uh-oh, it's starting to rain. - I'd better let Garfield in before he gets his new sweater wet. - Too late.
ga790113 -- snicker snicker - HARF! HARF! HARF! -
ga790114 -- When you own a cat, its hairs get everywhere. - Every time I eat, I find a cat hair in my food. Let me show you. - I know it's here something. - - - I CAN'T EAT 'TIL I FIND THAT HAIR! - Silly me. I forgot to put it in there.
ga790115 -- - Garfield, you shouldn't chase the mailman like that. - Now what would you do with him if you actually caught him? I'd eat him.
ga790116 -- Garfield, you know cats can't drink... - SLURP! ...coffee. - Fill 'er up! Well, I'll be dipped.
ga790117 -- - - It's amazing how we've grown to understand each other.
ga790118 -- Look, Garfield. A mouse! - EEEK! -
ga790119 -- Bachelorhood is okay, I guess. - But you just can't beat... - someone waiting for you when you get home.
ga790120 -- BARK! BARK! - ROWR! YAP! FFFT! - And they say pets are therapeutic.
ga790121 -- scratch scratch scratch - Uh-oh. FLEAS! - - - Alcohol should do the trick. - Much better. - puff puff - - FOOMP - There's something to be said for flea collars.
ga790122 -- Garfield, you sleep to much, you eat too much, and you watch too much television. - What does Jon expect of me, anyway? - I'm only human.
ga790123 -- Television can be habit forming. - I've been watching it all day. - Would you like me to turn the TV on, Garfield? That would be nice.
ga790124 -- We've gotta stop watching the all-night movies on television, Garfield. - But, of course, last night was an exception. - Who would possibly turn off the Ethen Barrymore film festival?
ga790125 -- BANG! BANG! EEEK! - SMACK! - Okay, okay. I'll change the channel. I don't like violence.
ga790126 -- I hate television. - There are too many commercials, reruns and game shows. - The eight hours I watched yesterday was terrible.
ga790127 -- Television is only so much mindless drivel... - Glossy adventures, sex and violence. - Ain't it great?
ga790128 -- YAWN! - smack smack smack - Oh my. - Just look at that gorgeous sunrise! - Mother nature certainly uses every color on her vast palette to paint a dawn. Truly blessed are we, the early risers. - Have you ever seen a more beautiful sunset,
ga790128 -- Garfield? - Hmmm...I must have overslept.
ga790129 -- Garfield, you are disgustingly, slovenly, sloppy fat. - Poor Jon. - He obviously has disgustingly, slovenly, sloppy fat confused with "big-boned".
ga790130 -- Brenda, meet Garfield. Hi, Garfield. - Is Garfield a pig? He's a cat. - Oh, that REALLY hurts.
ga790131 -- ahhh - CRASH! - Face it, Garfield. Windowsills just aren't built for us queen-sized felines.
ga790201 -- If you take one bite of my pie, Garfield, I'll smack your fat little paws. - - If I can't have it, neither can he.
ga790202 -- I'll bet you can't wait to see what kind of cat food you're having for dinner. I'll bet I can. - Here it comes... You can cut the tension with a knife. - LIVER! Oh, hooray, hop about, clap paws, squeal with glee.
ga790203 -- Now I wouldn't say you're fat, Garfield... - But when you sit around the sofa, you SIT AROUND the sofa. - KICK! Heads, he lives. Tails, he dies.
ga790204 -- - * - - - - - Let's see...iodine, band-aids, gauze, bullwhip, small straight-jacket, helmet, pan, shampoo, gloves, rinse, conditioner, blow dryer, brass knuckles, towel, rope, elbow pads... - Garfield's bath day? Garfield's bath day.
ga790205 -- I think I'll do some jogging. - Okay...GO, FEET! - Hmmm, reckon the little suckers just weren't in the mood.
ga790206 -- Garfield, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't read over my shoulder - - READ over my shoulder?
ga790207 -- Stay away from my chicken leg, Garfield. Aw, stuff it in your ear. mrow fft! - WHAT WAS THAT?! - Oh.
ga790208 -- Gee...I wonder which shirt goes better with my slacks. - Lyman, could you give me your opinion on something? Sure. - What can I do for you? Forget it. Beau Brummell lives.
ga790209 -- - - He's trying to tell me to turn the heat up.
ga790210 -- Guess what, Garfield? Somewhere on me is a kittie munchie for you. - - Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. munch munch munch
ga790211 -- NAB! - I'm going to give you a bath, Garfield. You and what army? - - - Okay...I give up. You can go. - SPLOOSH -
ga790212 -- I hate cold floors in the morning. - Nobody likes cold floors. - But we cats have to put twice as many feet on them.
ga790213 -- Pets are great to have on cold nights. - As long as you don't mind... - The crowded conditions.
ga790214 -- BARK! YIP! ROWR! FFFT! - GARFIELD! ODIE! Why don't you boys go outside to fight. - While I lie here and quietly bleed to death.
ga790215 -- * * *  - GARFIELD! Get off the piano! - Talk about stifling one's creative talents.
ga790216 -- There's one nice thing about being a cat at the dinner table. - - Everything you touch is yours.
ga790217 -- What's a six-letter word for "pain," Garfield? - ARRRGH!!! - Is that with three or four r's?
ga790218 -- scrub scrub scrub scrub - - - - CLICK! - GARFIELD! STOP! - It's below freezing out there.
ga790219 -- You say you want me to eat this hamburger, Pooky? - And this chicken? And this lasagna? - You gotta go a long way to find a teddy bear as good as old Pooky here.
ga790220 -- SMACK! - HEY YOU! Come back here and fight like a teddy bear! - What am I saying?
ga790221 -- Be honest, Pooky. Do you think I'm getting a little pudgy around the middle? - - Not a lot of personality, but he certainly knows when to keep his mouth shut.
ga790222 -- - - A dancing bear? Next time, I get to lead.
ga790223 -- Let's go for a walk, little fella. - SMACK! - Well, I'll be. Pooky doesn't like dogs either.
ga790224 -- Okay, who knocked my fern off the windowsill?! - - His lying to me isn't half so upsetting as the credit he's giving my intelligence.
ga790225 -- kaboing kaboing kaboing - purrr - Garfield - bat bat - ROWR! FFFT! - - scratch! scratch! scratch! - That should  hold you cat fans for a while.
ga790226 -- Stand aside, cat. I know karate! - - And I know fast and furious.
ga790227 -- - - Some days I'm just not in the mood to be adored.
ga790228 -- Woould puppy tat wike a bowl of milk? - Would funny wooking man wike a milk bath? - Never be condescending to a cat.
ga790301 -- - GARFIELD! Did you eat my chicken? - No, of course not. If you had, there would be some bones left.
ga790302 -- Be careful around this clock, Garfield. It's an old family heirloom. - CRASH! - One small push for a cat, one giant leap for good taste.
ga790303 -- Where were you, Garfield? I called you an hour ago for dinner. Uh-oh. - KLUNK! - You've got to get to cat food before it sets up.
ga790304 -- tie tie - tie tie tie - yank yank - LEAP! - SPROING! - Booga! Booga! - KLONK! - That was a lot of trouble but it was worth it.
ga790305 -- zzzz YAWN - zzzzz - What a heck of a way to start the week.
ga790306 -- The darn toaster isn't working again. I guess I'll have to fix it. - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - First, you have to get its attention.
ga790307 -- Breakfast is on, Garfield. - Carry me. - Sometimes I think I cater to Garfield too much.
ga790308 -- - That's called disco dancing, Garfield. Thank heavens. - For a minute there I thought he had a life carp in his jockey shorts.
ga790309 -- Garfield, that steely-eyed cowcat, roams into town. - He mounts his faithful steed, Odie. - All I need now is a sunset.
ga790310 -- - - Just when you think you've seen your cat do it all...
ga790311 -- buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - SPLOOSH - splutter splutter - FLOP! - ptooey! ptooey! ptooey! - wipe wipe - CRASH - If I act casual, maybe he won't notice.
ga790312 -- - SWISH! - The mouth is quicker than the hand.
ga790313 -- - KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! - Nobody home.
ga790314 -- - I suppose I should learn to like Odie. - But I just can't respect anyone who turns around three times to lie down.
ga790315 -- - Hmmm - Just as I suspected. There's a tiny sign in there saying, "Space For Rent".
ga790316 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - That's good enough. SCREEE POOMP! - Thanks for the exercise. PUNT!
ga790317 --- pat pat pat pat - You didn't see that.
ga790318 -- Hmmm, Jon's drawing board. Hmmm, some paper. Hmmm, some ink. - I think this world would be a nicer place in which to live: If countries could settle their differences without hurting anybody. If everyone smiled at even people they didn't
ga790318 -- know. - If nobody had to steal. I people laughed more. If everyone fed their cats all the lasagna they could eat. If we all took more pride in our homes and our neighborhoods. - If we respected our senior citizens more. If there were no
ga790318 -- violence in movies and television. If everyone could read and write. If families talked more. - If friends hugged more. If everyone stopped at least once a weak to stroke a cat. After all, we're all in this together. - Hey, Garfield. - What's
ga790318 -- this? Oh, just some paw prints.
ga790319 -- I'm going to teach you to do some tricks this week, Garfield. Over my dead body. - Sing for me, Garfield. MROWR! - VERY GOOD! There was a bone in my tuna pate.
ga790320 -- Garfield, go fetch my pipe, paper and slippers. Yes, sir. Right away, sir... - Where IS he? - GARFIELD! Okay, okay. As soon as I'm done with the financial section.
ga790321 -- Roll over, Garfield. You gotta be kidding. - If you roll over, I'll give you a double helping of lasagna. - WHIRRRRRR!
ga790322 -- Speak, Garfield, speak. - Why, of course, Jon. Is there any particular topic on which you'd like to converse? - B-B-B-B-B
ga790323 -- Sit up and beg for the kitty munchy, Garfield. - Tell you what. You give me the munchy and I'll let you keep your face. - I knew that we could arrive at a mutually acceptable compromise.
ga790324 -- Dance for me, Garfield. Not a chance. - If you won't, I'm sure Odie would be happy to. - You have to know what motivates a cat. This is demeaning.
ga790325 -- - - sigh - - Ho hum - - Ever had one of those days when you feel like you've slept and eaten it all?
ga790326 -- Ah, it's early morning for the caped avenger. Ring! - The caped avenger who searches out evil wherever it may lurk. - The late-morning evil, that is.
ga790327 -- The caped avenger sees food! - In order to fight evil, the caped avenger needs food for strength. - Lots and LOTS of strength!
ga790328 -- AHA! The caped avenger sees injustice. BONK! - - Beat it, brute. BOOT!
ga790329 -- The caped avenger sees a large evil person he must destroy in the name of good, because the caped avenger isn't a chicken. - - The caped avenger isn't stupid, either.
ga790330 -- The caped avenger will now fly down and destroy the evil mailman. - - SPLAT! - I think the caped avenger is starting to believe his own press releases.
ga790331 -- The caped avenger will now step outside to fight evil. - - The caped avenger will now step inside and announce his retirement.
ga790401 -- I'm so bored. - Hmmmm - ptu! twing! YIP! SPLOOSH! - BONK! - KICK! - Much better.
ga790402 -- Did you know most cats shed their winter coats in warm weather, Garfield? - FUMP! - Hmmm mus' be spring.
ga790403 -- Spring is here. - The warm spring sun is coaxing trees to bud and flowers to bloom. Fledging songbirds are testing their lilting voices. Soft spring zephyrs are wafting the sweet scent of lilacs. Spring is here. - Big, fat hairy deal.
ga790404 -- There's nothing like a little spring weather to make one feel lazy. - I'd better be careful. - If I were lazier, I could slip into a coma.
ga790405 -- I like spring. - The grass is back from its dormancy. The flowers are back from a long winter's rest. - And the birds are back from Miami.
ga790406 -- I just love to lie out in this warm spring sun. - Uh-oh. - I think I just melted.
ga790407 -- Ah, spring. In the spring a young man's fancy turns lightly to thoughts of love. - - And the street department puts a fresh coat of rust-resistant paint on the fire hydrants.
ga790408 -- click - I'm going to stare at this toaster until the toast pops up. - - - - - - A watched pot never boils, Garfield. Huh? pop - See? Drat...drat, drat, drat, drat.
ga790409 -- Move it, Garfield, I'm going to watch television. - -
ga790410 -- Boy, am I in a bad mood. *Good Morning, Garfield* - POKE! - If there's anything a depressed person hates, it's a cheerful person.
ga790411 -- Garfield's sure been in a nasty mood lately. We'll see about that. Do you know how to treat a mad cat? - - With great, great respect.
ga790412 -- - ROWR! FFFT! - I think I hurt myself.
ga790413 -- I know you've been in a nasty mood this week, Garfield. Many of us occasionally feel angry for no reason at all...psychologists all it a free-floating anxiety. - SPLAT! FREE-FLOAT THIS! - I wonder if this ever happened to Freud.
ga790414 -- Easy, boys. - WE LOVE YOU, GARFIELD! - Darn. That was the best deep blue funk I ever had going.
ga790415 -- scratch scratch scratch - scratch scratch scratch - pat pat pat - scratch scratch pat pat - scratch scratch pat pat -  scratch pat - BARK! YIP! ROWR! - I don't think I could take much more loving.
ga790416 -- Let's go check the mailbox, Garfield. - I love getting mail - It's just another reminder you're alive. That's a pretty heavy thought for a Monday.
ga790417 -- How about some boiled cabbage for lunch, Garfield. - SWIPE! - Or maybe some coleslaw. Now you're talking.
ga790418 -- ARF! ARF! ARF! - - YIP! Sad.
ga790419 -- 'ATTA BOY, GARFIELD! squeak! - GO GET 'IM! squeak! - Take five, little buddy. We'll make another pass in a few minutes. puff puff
ga790420 -- hee he - HA! HA! HA! HA! Poor Lyman. - He wouldn't be laughing so hard if he knew Odie just drank out of the toilet.
ga790421 -- Hmmm - -
ga790422 -- - - Hmmmm - Here, Odie. - - YIP! YIP! YIP! - - GARFIELD! GET OUT OF MY SOCK DRAWER!
ga790423 -- - CRASH! - It's amazing the fun you can have with a hoop.
ga790424 -- Gee, I'd almost forgotten how much fun it is to hang on the old screen door. - SLAM! - And I'd completely forgotten about the pain.
ga790425 -- Hmmm a whistle - - Must be broken.
ga790426 -- Claws are great. - They allow us cats to walk right up trees. - There's only one problem.
ga790427 -- - POP - They don't call me "Lightning Lips" for nothing.
ga790428 -- I just want you people to know how much we cats appreciate you. Without you, who would feed us? Who would love us? - And most important of all... - Who would change our kitty litter?
ga790429 -- GROWL - The cat craves fresh meat. - What-ho, the cat senses unsuspecting quarry o'er yon knoll. - Coiling like a spring, he prepares to lunge. - Steely sinews propel him toward his helpless prey. - Once again a cat's primal instincts provide
ga790429 -- sustenance.
ga790430 -- Boy, I', starved. I think I'll have sausage. hash browns and some eggs over easy. - Good morning, Garfield. Here's tuna and liver surprise! - The sausage and hash browns are delicious. But I do believe the eggs are a bit overdone.
ga790501 -- GASP! CHOKE! BRACK! COUGH! HACK! - FLOP! - Can the melodramatics, Garfield, and finish your liver.
ga790502 -- BURP! - That was rude and crude, Garfield. Cats are more sophisticated than to submit to belching at the dinner table. - BRAACK!
ga790503 -- Tell me what you think of my new poem, Garfield. - "MY BUDDY" I have a buddy. My buddy's a toad. He's kind of muddy, he's flat on the road. But, he is my buddy, my buddy to stay, 'til he's peeled up and sailed away. - Garfield?
ga790504 -- - Uh-oh, here comes Jon! -
ga790505 -- Are you hungry, Odie? - Here, have some celery and tomatoes and radishes. - GARFIELD!
ga790506 -- PURRRR - PURRR - tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - - scratch! scratch! scratch! scratch! - - Good morning, sunshine. Welcome to another glorious, fun-filled day with your favorite pet! - I'm so happy to own a cat, I could just
ga790506 -- throw up.
ga790507 -- Hey, Lyman. Where's my bread knife? - SLASH! - Never mind.
ga790508 -- This is too good to be true. - BOING! - That WAS too good to be true.
ga790509 -- GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - With all respect to Will Rogers. - I never met a lasagna I didn't like.
ga790510 -- CRASH! - Uh-oh! Here comes Jon. -
ga790511 -- Hello, Julie? How about a movie tonight? Oh, I see. Okay, goodbye. - Darn, she said she was just walking out the door to visit her brother in Tokyo. - That's what I call bad timing. - That's called getting shot out of the saddle, you turkey.
ga790512 -- Garfield, you're getting too fat. - I am NOT getting too fat. - I'm just ready for the next size kitty bed, that's all.
ga790513 -- Eat up, ol' buddy. - Hmmmm - THIS CAT FOOD IS MADE OF: Dried whey, sodium caseinate, isolated soy protein, calcium carbonate, phosphoric acid, dicacium phosphate, corn glutein meal, wheat germ meal, brewer's dries yeast, iodized salt, ground
ga790513 -- wheat, ground corn, soybean meal, poultry by-product meal, animal fat preserved with BHA, wheat germ meal, choline chloride, citric acid, onion powder, thiamin, para aminobenzoic acid, riboflavin supplement, menadione sodium bisulfite,
ga790513 -- calcium pantothenate. - Niacin, iron sulfate, magnesium sulfate, manganese sulfate, manganous oxide, zinc oxide, copper oxide, cobalt carbonate. - YOU WON'T GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY! - NOW what did I do?
ga790514 -- Boy, what a great meal. - Uh-oh! -
ga790515 -- It was bound to happen. My stomach finally outgrew my legs. - Worse things could happen, I guess. - Like this, for instance.
ga790516 -- Well, you've finally done it, Garfield. Your belly's bigger than your legs. Now what are you going to do? - I'll show you what I'm going to do. - If you'll just roll me over to that lasagna there.
ga790517 -- You're going to have to exercise that belly off, Garfield. - Tell you what. I'll get a leash and take you for a brisk morning drag. - If he had a brain, I'd say he was trying to make a funny.
ga790518 -- * - - boing boing boing
ga790519 -- At last! My feet can touch the floor once more. Never again will I allow myself to get that fat. - And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.
ga790520 -- - - RIDE 'EM, COWCAT! - - BONK! - OH, NO! Odie's hurt his leg! What'll I do? Shoot him.
ga790521 -- I think it's time we take Garfield and Odie out for something to do. - Why do you say that? - They're taking turns on the record player again.
ga790522 -- Cats can be very curious. - SPLOOCH! - Cats can also be very stupid.
ga790523 -- Did I ever tell you about my uncle Harry? He was a famous mouser at a glass plant in Gas City, Indiana. - Legend has it that uncle Harry chased a mouse fight into tank #2 - Now he's a paperweight in Bayonne, New Jersey.
ga790524 -- GRAB! - BONK! - Smooth, move, ol' buddy. have you no respect for the dead?
ga790525 -- Hello, Carolyn? Hey, now about taking in a movie tonight? Uh...oh sure, I understand. - She said she would love to have gone out with me tonight. click - But she had to stay home and pluck her eyebrows. Subtle.
ga790526 -- The darn lawn mower won't work. Let me try. - - brrr! If I could package that look, I'd make a million.
ga790527 -- DING DONG tug tug - Good evening, Felicia, my dear. Dinner awaits. - A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou (heh-heh) Oh, brother. - - WAHCHOO! - I'm allergic for cats! Either he goes or I go. SNIFF! - POOMP! - Gee, and she was cute, too.
ga790527 -- Salud.
ga790528 -- Oh, goody. It's Monday morning. BRING! - I love Monday mornings. You know why? - Because *I* don't have to go to work.
ga790529 -- Ah, six A.M. Time to rise and shine. BRING! - First, a light breakfast of juice and toast, then some jogging. - HA-HA-HA! That was a good one.
ga790530 -- Z - Z smack smack - Oh my gosh! I slept through today's strip!
ga790531 -- There's only one drawback to spending a week in bed... - SNIFF! - This blanket is starting to develop a personality all its own.
ga790601 -- Garfield, you've been in bed all week. Why, you could starve to death. - Oh. - I should have guessed as much.
ga790602 -- Get out of bed this minute, Garfield. - - Good boy! Darn leg cramps.
ga790603 -- - PTOOEY! - - PTOOEY! - - PTOOEY! - Okay, Garfield. Now give me some high lobs.
ga790604 -- Have a package of crackers, Garfield. - RUSTLE CRACKLE CRINKLE - They were terrible. Next time try taking them out of the wrapper.
ga790605 -- Why the droopy demeanor today, Garfield? - KONK! - Never say "droop" to a fat person.
ga790606 -- Hey, Lyman. What do you think of my new tennis racket? - What's it strung with? Catgut. - Aunt Reba!
ga790607 -- That's the trouble with warm weather. - You can't keep ice cubes in your drink. -
ga790608 -- Touch my pie and you die. - touch - ZOOM!!! ALWAYS RIDING THE RAGGED EDGE OF DISASTER, AREN'T YOU, GARFIELD?!
ga790609 -- Waitress, this potato is bad. - BAD POTATO! BAD POTATO! smack! smack! smack! - Sir, if that potato gives you any more trouble, you just let me know. There goes her tip.
ga790610 -- It's only noon, Garfield. Why don't you sleep in today, you deserve the rest. - Hey, Garfield! Let's have some fun! I'll hold Odie down and you beat him up. - How about some exercise, Garfield? Why don't you scratch up my favorite new chair
ga790610 -- here? - Don't worry about knocking the plants off the shelf today, Garfield. We'll do it for you. crash! crash! - I baked tons of lasagna for you ol' buddy. EAT! EAT! - POOF! - What a depressing dream. For a moment there I thought all the fun
ga790610 -- had gone out of my life.
ga790611 -- Come on, Garfield. Let's go camping. Not in your life. - Gee, and I'd packed lots of lasagna, too. - Since you put it that way, I reckon there's a trail or two out there that could stand a little blazing.
ga790612 -- Well, here we are in the great outdoors, Garfield. - Ah, wilderness. - Just us, the sky, and the trees. Where's the TV?
ga790613 -- Well, Garfield. - What do you think of camping so far? I don't know. - I've never been this far from the sandbox before.
ga790614 -- Why the long face, Garfield? - Look who I brought. POOKY! - Camping is more fun with a good friend.
ga790615 -- - What's that? - Must be a porcupine.
ga790616 -- GARFIELD! You're covered with porcupine quills! - That must be very painful. I can handle it. - ARRRRRGH!
ga790617 -- screw screw screw - Look, Garfield! I made a kitty door for you. - - swing - SMACK! - SMASH! - A clear-cut case of self-defense if I ever saw one.
ga790618 -- What would you like for your new birthday, Garfield? Another scratching post. - How about a nice rubber mousie? - Or maybe another scratching post. How'd you guess?
ga790619 -- Happy first birthday, Garfield! Make a wish and blow out the candle. - FOOF! - Oh gee. That's too bad. Not really. I got my wish.
ga790620 -- Have a sausage. - - One at a time, Garfield, one at a time.
ga790621 -- Here's to gluttony! - GULP! - Hello? Overeaters anonymous?
ga790622 -- Hello, Valette? Hey, how about meeting me somewhere tonight, sweets? - You'll mee me when WHAT freezes over? - I can take a hint! Only if it's applied with a sledgehammer.
ga790623 -- Do you know why I don't chase birds? Well, I'll tell you. - My uncle Hubert once caught a 30-pound canary in Chicago. - They last spotted him over Dallas, Texas.
ga790624 -- How about a snack, Garfield? - Here's some liver left from dinner. Blech! - It's good. Really. Watch me. - M-m-m-m nummy nummy nummy Oh, very well. - - A MOUSE! GET IT! - GARFIELD, WHY CAN'T YOU CHASE MICE LIKE OTHER CATS? - If Jon eats one
ga790624 -- first, I'll consider it.
ga790625 -- I'm going to take you to the vet for a checkup, Garfield. OH-NO! - My uncle Barney went to the vet once. - He came back as my aunt Bernice.
ga790626 -- The doctor will see your cat in a moment. - Who's next, please? - I think I just died and went to heaven. I think I just died. I think I just died.
ga790627 -- By the way there, doc, what's your name? Liz. - Gee, what a pretty name. Is that short for Elizabeth? No. It's short for Lizard. - Liz must not be much for small talk.
ga790628 -- I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other, doc. Garfield gets sick a lot. Don't you, Garfield? - Don't you, Garfield? - kachew kachew
ga790629 -- Well, Mr. Arbuckle, your cat's basically in good health. - But you'll have to take better care of him. Listen to the doctor, Jon. - He's too fat. Close your ears, boy! The woman's some kind of a quack!
ga790630 -- Tell me, Liz, haven't we met somewhere before? A rice paddy in Hong Kong? - Look, jerk. I'll be the vet for your cat, but I won't play fall guy for your stupid lines. Understood? Uh-huh. - So long, doctor. Have a nice day.
ga790701 -- BARK! - - POW! POW! - CRACK! - CRASH! - GRRRR - - They don't tell you about these things in the pet magazines.
ga790702 -- You're too fat, Garfield. - Why, I'll bet you haven't seen your feet in years. -  I have feet?
ga790703 -- CRUNCH - I think it's time to put you on another diet, Garfield. - Whatever gave him that idea?
ga790704 -- I'm starting your diet, Garfield. - How would you like this head of cabbage prepared? Deep-fry that sucker. - Boiled it is. What we have here is a failure to communicate.
ga790705 -- Hmmm, diet candy. - Not bad. - A couple more boxes of those things and I'll be skinnier than a rail.
ga790706 -- This diet I'm on has sure made me weak. - PUNT! - * - Drat, he usually clears the piano.
ga790707 -- I wonder what I'd look like skinny? - - GARFIELD! YOUR DIET! My vanity.
ga790708 -- FOOD! - That's this? - I appears to be of the crescent roll family. - A true gourmet never shies away from a new taste treat. - (smack) A bit dry, but palatable. - Garfield, have you seen my sweat socks?
ga790709 -- Cats are the world's greatest tree climbers. - There's only one tiny problem... - Cats are also the world's worst tree climber downers.
ga790710 -- I've made up my mind. The only way out of this tree is to jump. I may break every bone in my body, but here goes. - - There again...
ga790711 -- Catch the rope, Garfield! - Now tie it around your waist and I'll pull you down. HA-HA-HA! - I'll get Jon for that.
ga790712 -- I've come to rescue you, Garfield. - Uh-oh. - Well, this is just ducky.
ga790713 -- There's only one way out of this tree, Garfield.  - We'll have to jump. - Gee, I'd love to but I simply haven't a thing to wear to our funeral.
ga790714 -- Either we jump, or we'll starve up here, Garfield. I'm with you. - GERONIMO!! -
ga790715 -- Ahem...me, me, meee - MEYOWRRR - BONK - I wonder if this is how Enrico Caruso got his start. - MEYOWRRRR - CLOBBER!! - clink clink clank - MEYOWRR bink
ga790716 -- ZOOM! - Why, oh why, oh why, oh why, do cats do these things?
ga790717 -- I'm getting out of this tree if it kills me - - POOMP! - Gee, that didn't hurt at all.
ga790718 -- What are you doing with the ice pick, Garfield? - stab stab stab stab stab - The only way to eat peas. Oh.
ga790719 -- Well, hello there, good-looking. - Say, what're you doing tonight? - How about coming to my place for dinner?
ga790720 -- Say, how about popping over to my place for a late-night snack? - Ha-ha-ha. You needn't be afraid of little ol' me. - If you like, you can bring a friend and we'll have dessert, too.
ga790721 -- I'm sorry. We don't serve cats here. - - What will you and your dog have, sir?
ga790722 -- GO GET 'IM, GARFIELD! - - Opps! SQUEAK! - Everyone stand back! Give him some air! - Artificial respiration might help. - Okay, go, boy! - Phew! For a minute there I thought I was out of a job.
ga790723 -- Come on, Garfield. Let's go see your vet. - She sure is cute. - Why is every time HE gets a hot flash, I have to go to the doctor?
ga790724 -- How about a date, doc? I'd sooner die. - Well don't do *that*. - Nothing like a snappy comeback to save face.
ga790725 -- How about a date, sweetheart? - That's *doctor' to you. - Okay, how about a date, *doctor' sweetheart?
ga790726 -- Tell me, doc. - Do you make house calls? - It's not the veterinary medicine I mind. It's some of the animals I have to work with.
ga790727 -- - Tell me, doctor, what do you suggest for an animal who's madly in love? - I usually prescribe neutering.
ga790728 -- We'll make an appointment for Garfield's next checkup in about six months. - What if there's an emergency? Then you can call me day or night. - Come on, Garfield. Let's go home and play in traffic. That's not funny.
ga790729 -- - CRASH! - SMASH! - leap! - SPLAT! Take that!
ga790730 -- - ZOOM! - How do they know when it's bath day?
ga790731 -- BATH TIME! - chuckle chuckle - Okay, who put oatmeal in the soapbox? Well, sprinkle me with brown sugar and call me for breakfast.
ga790801 -- Why can't you be like other cats, Garfield? - Let me explain the basic differences between humans and cats. - Well, make it snappy. I have a tennis lesson in half an hour.
ga790802 -- Time for a midnight snack. - crinkle -
ga790803 -- boing boing boing - BOING BOING BOING - BOING BOING Help!
ga790804 -- For staying out of my food today, Garfield, I'm going to reward you with a kitty munchie. - - They're gone. I already rewarded myself.
ga790805 -- - - - - What say I switch over the movie, gang? - Nah. Grrr. Ffft. -
ga790806 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: The very first cat crawled out of the sea about ten million years ago. - Fortunately for him... - It was only about another 15 minutes before the first mouse crawled out.
ga790807 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: The first cat was domesticated about a million  years ago. The cat (named "Org") was owned by a cave man named "Chuck" - While rumor has it that Org ate his owner... - Historians maintain the family dog ate Chuck.
ga790808 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: During the dark ages of the legendary ratter "Fluffy-The-Fierce" destroyed every rat but one... - O'l Fluffy got his clock cleaned by the even more legendary "Mat-The-Rat" dribble dribble dribble - Incidentally, it
ga790808 -- was Matt-The-Rat who coined the term "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty".
ga790809 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: Marco Polo had a cat named Rolo. - Rolo would have gone with Marco on his trip to the orient... - But motels wouldn't accept pets then.
ga790810 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: A cat discovered America! - It was Christopher Columbus' cat "Buckeye" who first spotted the beach. - Primarily because the Santa Maria didn't have a sandbox.
ga790811 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: Cat's penchant for sharpening their claws has served many historic purposes: In Victorian times cats were used to antique furniture. rrrrrrr - During the Spanish-American war, cats were used as interrogators. I'll
ga790811 -- talk! I'll talk! - And today, the post office uses cats to sort mail marked "fragile".
ga790812 -- Boy, it's hot! - chirp chirp wheee! - - Out, birds, out, out, out. - - - SHARKS! -
ga790813 -- OH, GARFIELD! COME AND... - ZOOM! - Get it.
ga790814 -- Hmmm a doggie biscuit. - What a disappointment. - That doesn't taste at all like doggie.
ga790815 -- One thing I admire in cats is their natural grace. - SMACK! - And then there's Garfield.
ga790816 -- Hmm - -
ga790817 -- Yesterday I stuffed Odie's nose in his mouth. - You should have seen him... - Running around in little circles going "Mark! Mark! Mark!"
ga790818 -- Oh boy, what a night. I ate too much, I drank too much, and I danced half the night. - You're lucky you're a cat, Garfield. You don't have to put up with all that. - RUB IT IN, WHY DON'T YOU?!
ga790819 -- YAWN! yawn! - LA LA LA mrow - - - - stroke stroke stroke - Come on, Garfield, let's go jogging. Have a good time.
ga790820 -- Have you ever thought about meeting some nice girl cat and settling down, Garfield? Not really. - We boy cats cherish our bachelorhood. - Why, I come from a long line of bachelors.
ga790821 -- - -
ga790822 -- Oh, by the way, Garfield. - CRASH! - I waxed the TV today.
ga790823 -- Hey, Garfield, how would you like to go jogging? How would you like me to shred your shorts? - Some nerve. - Show me a jogger and I'll show you a strange person with a thing for pain.
ga790824 -- - - You win. You were uglier to begin with.
ga790825 -- I'm never taking you golfing again, Garfield. Big deal. - I've never been so embarrassed. - I can't believe what you did at the seventeenth green. Sand trap, sandbox, what's the difference?
ga790826 -- We're going for a walk, Garfield. I HATE leashes. - Heh, heh, taking your pet for a stroll through the park is a great way to meet chicks. grrr ffft - ROWRR! - What kind of a JERK would walk his cat on a leash? rowr! - rowr! ffft! yip! yip!
ga790826 -- yip! - Back to the drawing board.
ga790827 -- Say, you look like you want to go jogging this morning, Garfield. You are wrong, sweat sock breath. - Jogging is fine for some people, I suppose... - But I've never been that crazy about the dry heaves.
ga790828 -- KERCHUNK! - A new world's record. - When was the last time you stuck 44 keys on a typewriter?
ga790829 -- - Oh, great. - Garfield ate my toothpaste again.
ga790830 -- I just LOVE to court danger. - SPLOOSH! - Yipeee, ha-ha, wheee.
ga790831 -- This is my pet ant, Lyle. He's cute, quiet, and industrious. - SPLAT! - The "late" Lyle was also eyeballing my lasagna.
ga790901 -- - What?! Where?! - He did it again.
ga790902 -- Oh, Garfield. - We're going on a trip, Garfield. So just hop into your new kitty carrier here. - OH-NO! - Not THE BOX!!! - - Let me put it to you this way. Before we go on the the trip, one of us is going to have to get into this kitty
ga790902 -- carrier. Well, why didn't you say so? - SCUFFLE SCUFFLE STRUGGLE GRAB! STUFF STUFF
ga790903 -- Guess what, Garfield? While mom and dad're on a week's vacation, we're going to baby-sit for their kitten. - Meet Nermal. - Wake me in a week.
ga790904 -- I gotta spend a week wet-nursing Nermal, here...he's cute. - And I hate "cute". - Don't knock it, jack, I make a killing posing for greeting cards.
ga790905 -- Okay, Nermal. There's a dog. ...KILL! - - Oh, Nermal, Nermal, Nermal, Nermal.
ga790906 -- CRUD! - Nermal shed all over my food. - I can't stand cat hairs unless they're my own.
ga790907 -- - Take those roller skates off, Garfield. You look ridiculous. -
ga790908 -- Nermal's leaving now. Wave bye-bye, Garfield. - I kind of liked the little feller. - The way I like intestinal flu.
ga790909 -- - SPLOOSH! - OH-NO! A vicious undertow is dragging me out to sea! - I'M TOO YOUNG TO GO! - I can see the headlines now..."WORLD FAMOUS CAT LOST AT SEA. MILLIONS OF BEAUTIFUL GIRL CATS GRIEF-STRICKEN!" - I can't make it! I'm going down for the
ga790909 -- third time! - I'd save you, Garfield. But I'm not about to give a cat mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
ga790910 -- YAWN - Oh, this looks like a nice place to sleep. - If you don't mind, Garfield...
ga790911 -- SACK! PILLAGE! MAIN! DESTROY! - BONK! - Whimper, limp, cry, hurt, moan...
ga790912 -- It's time to put your leash on for a nice walk. - Oh, come on, Garfield. It's not that bad. -
ga790913 -- I know you don't like your leash, Garfield, but people are staring. - So cut that out. -
ga790914 -- Odie, you know better than that. - Do you know what I appreciate about you most, Garfield? - I'm housebroken. You're housebroken.
ga790915 -- Some people say pets are not clean. - That may be so. - But try eating your next meal without your hands and see how well YOU fare.
ga790916 -- - SMACK MUNCH SLURP - CLICK! - ZZZ - zzz - I didn't know cats could eat in their sleep. - But I DO KNOW they can't sharpen their claws in their sleep. I shouldn't have pushed it.
ga790917 -- Attention, America! I am hereby declaring this week NATIONAL FAT WEEK. - This is the week for all you fat people to come out of the closet. - Those of you who could get into one, that is.
ga790918 -- This is National Fat Week. I want to hear all you fat people say, "I'm fat, and I'm proud of it!" - LOUSER! "I'M FAT, AND I'M PROUD OF IT!" - You...the pudgy one in Seattle, I didn't hear you.
ga790919 -- Here's a National Fat Week handy fat tip. - "Don't exercise." You'll be happier. - Have you ever seen a jogger laugh?
ga790920 -- Here's a National Fat Week skinny joke. - How many skinny people does it take to fill a shower? - I don't know. They keep slipping down the drain.
ga790921 -- Here's the National Fat Week "weight-height chart". - According to this, if you weigh 200 pounds, you should be 6'4". - That means if you're under 6'4" you're not overweight, you're undertall.
ga790922 -- Well, fat brothers and sisters, this is the last day of National Fat Week. - Just remember "Round is Beautiful". - Now get out there and eat a chicken franchise.
ga790923 -- CARTOONIST'S NOTE: Today's Garfield strip is to be read only by fat people, or people with fat tendencies, you skinny ones can read the other strips, or jog, or drink a glass of water, or whatever it is skinny people do. ...I wouldn't know. -
ga790923 -- I am hereby declaring this coming week "NATIONAL FAT WEEK". - OUT OF THE CLOSET, YOU FATTIES! - This week we're going to eat without guilt. - Remember our slogan: "If it's not deep-fried, it's not worth eating." - We'll boycott carrots and
ga790923 -- tell skinny jokes. - I would have had a national convention. - But I couldn't get the Kansas City stockyards to cater it.
ga790924 -- Be careful there, Garfield. - Hanging on the drapes can be very painful. - 'CAUSE I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR LEGS IF YOU DON'T GET OFF THEM THIS INSTANT!
ga790925 -- GASP! CHOKE! WHEEZE! - Oh no you don't, Garfield. - So much for the old !play-sick-and-grab-the-chicken-when-your-owner-calls-the-vet" routine.
ga790926 -- GARFIELD! BREAKFAST! - BONK! - I did it again. I got up before I woke up.
ga790927 -- wag wag wag - STOMP! - WAG WAG WAG
ga790928 -- - MEYOW - Let me guess, you were in the pickled herring again.
ga790929 -- Eat up, Garfield. Meyow. - It says here this is a "new improved" cat food. munch munch - MEYOW!
ga790930 -- - - - - - Oh, darn! - Jon's flower garden got a little over-frolicked.
ga791001 -- We're going to see your veterinarian today, Garfield. - She's one cute chicky-boo. I'd marry her in a second. - It's comforting to know the high values placed on the sacred institution of marriage are still with us today. In a half-second!
ga791002 -- - That Liz is sure a great looking hunk of veterinarian. - She has the one quality I desire most in a woman. She's breathing.
ga791003 -- Be right with you, Mr. Arbuckle. - I'll be here with bells on, doctor. That makes for an interesting mental picture. - Why does she always put me down? You're so putdownable.
ga791004 -- How about going out with me, doctor? I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth. - - Then how about sometime after that? That's a good one.
ga791005 -- Why won't you go out with me, doctor? Because I hate your guts. - - Does this mean marriage is out of question? Don Quixote strikes again.
ga791006 -- How about a date, doc? No way. - Mmmm - Great! See you at eight. If you can't convice'm, confuse'm.
ga791007 -- Caution - Hmmm, wet cement. - SPLUT! OOPS! - - - BARK! BARK! slurp - Lassie would have gone for help.
ga791008 -- I suppose you want to know how my date went with Liz, the vet...well, don't ask. I won't. - She didn't show. Old Jon just stood up. I don't want to hear about it. - You know, Garfield. I like you better than people. Tell me more.
ga791009 -- munch munch munch - SMACK! SLURP! GOBBLE! -
ga791010 -- My aunt Evelyn is the neatest cat I know. - She plucked all the hair off her body so she wouldn't shed on the furniture. - Now she's living with a family in L.A. that thinks she's a Chihuahua.
ga791011 -- YIP! YIP! YIP! - YIP! YIP! YIP! - For the last time, Odie, YOU chase the TAIL.
ga791012 -- Garfield, must you do everything I do? - That wasn't very nice. - After all, cats are just little people with fur and fangs.
ga791013 -- - SHOOP! fwip fwip fwip fwip fwip fwip - A Venetian tongue.
ga791014 -- WAKE UP, SLEEPYHEAD! - We're having breakfast on the patio this morning. - Because I want to share this beautiful sunrise with you. - Where else can you find a living, breathing work of art created just for you ? fresh with the promise of a
ga791014 -- bright new day. - Have you ever seen a more glorious sight, Garfield? ...uh, Garfield? - Get the face out of the scrambled eggs, Garfield.
ga791015 -- Bath time, Garfield. - SQUIP! - LARD
ga791016 -- GOTCHA! - BATH TIME! SPLOOSH" - Now where could Pooky be?
ga791017 -- - - CATS!
ga791018 -- - ZIP!! - Foul! Foul! No fair! Foul!
ga791019 -- Mornin'. Good morning, Irma. - The coffee's strong, Hon, You'd better get it before it gets you. Is it hot? - Yup. This isn't one of your better diners.
ga791020 -- My, you look nice today, Irma. Are you kidding? - When I come to work I wear base and lipstick and that's it, Hon. I don't put on eyes unless I have a hot date. You know what I mean? - I didn't even shave my legs. This definitely isn't one of
ga791020 -- your better diners.
ga791021 -- - Boy, am I bored. - Bored, bored, bored, bored. - - ARGHHH! - I feel better already.
ga791022 -- - SMACK! - I hate patio doors.
ga791023 -- - Hey, Garfield, where's Odie? He's easy enough to find. - Just follow the slobber.
ga791024 -- - Ingredient: gunk - I suspected as much.
ga791025 -- - For the last time, NO, Garfield. - What's the problem? - He wants to see a wine list.
ga791026 -- You may have the leftovers when I'm through, Garfield. - KONG! - You don't have to be patient when you're as big as I am.
ga791027 -- Are you still having breakfast? - You've spent an hour eating your cereal. - You know I don't like raisins.
ga791028 -- - slit! - - munch smack slurp - ptooey! - burp - - Garfield went to so much trouble I hated to spoil it for him.
ga791029 -- Good boy, Garfield. Give me the paper. - Either I get breakfast or you'll never see this paper alive again. - WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A STRING ATTACHED?! Nothing's free, pal.
ga791030 -- - FLIP! - I can take a hint.
ga791031 -- I have something for that appetite of yours, Garfield. - Close your eyes and open your mouth. -
ga791101 -- Here's a handy hint for you bachelors out there. - You can keep your laundry detergent dry. - By sealing it in a cookie jar.
ga791102 -- Let's go see the vet, Garfield. - - I have a ten o'clock appointment.
ga791103 -- Veterinary Clinic - Here, Petey. Here, Petey. Where are you? - BURP!
ga791104 -- munch munch munch - Whew! I couldn't eat another bite. - - rrrr - - rowr - - rrr - -
ga791105 -- Pack your bags, Garfield, We're going on vacation. - Good idea. - I could use the rest.
ga791106 -- We have a long way to go, Garfield. - I wish you enjoyed riding in a car more. - You're too tense.
ga791107 -- I'd like a room for the night. - Any pets? Nope. -
ga791108 -- - Look at that, Garfield, What do you... - ...uh, think.
ga791109 -- When I think of sand, I think of sun, surf and getting a good tan. - What do you think of when you think of sand, Garfield? - On second thought, scratch that question.
ga791110 -- Fred's Fresh Fish - Fred's Fresh Fish -
ga791111 -- POKE! - GRRRRRR - CHOKE! GASP! - KICK! - - KONG!
ga791112 -- - RAIN (ran) n. 1. water falling to earth in drops - 2. a mild depressant
ga791113 -- zzzz - SCREECH! - Chasing cars again, Garfield?
ga791114 -- Why are we placed on this earth? What is our purpose? What is our mission in life? - - Thank you so much for your prompt reply.
ga791115 -- - - Nice try, hot shot.
ga791116 -- How's your coffee, hon? It's a bit strong. - SAY IT'S NOT SO! SAY IT'S NOT SO! I COULD JUST SHOOT MYSELF! - You usually don't find one that dedicated. It's her life.
ga791117 -- I hate it when Garfield falls asleep in my lap. zzz - He snuggles up. zzz - And digs in. zzz
ga791118 -- - - boing! boing! - - munch munch munch - CLOBBER! - Love is a fickle thing.
ga791119 -- ah-ah-ah - AHCHOOO! - sniff
ga791120 -- Scratch the sofa all you like, Garfield. - Reverse psychology. - Reverse reverse psychology.
ga791121 -- It's time you started taking vitamins, Garfield. No way, pal. My body's a temple. - I put them in this lasagna. - Even a temple needs his vitamin C.
ga791122 -- Doesn't it bother you that your cat is always underfoot? - Not at all. Garfield is very fond of me. - We're inseparable, aren't we, Garfield? You're standing on my tail.
ga791123 -- I often wonder what goes on in that complex mind of yours, Garfield. bzzzzzzzzzzzzz - Wouldn't it be wonderful if humans and animals could communicate? smack! - What would you say to me if you could talk right now? I just killed a fly
ga791123 -- somewhere on your raisin toast.
ga791124 -- That's a nasty cold you have there, Garfield. SNIFF - We'll take you to the vet and get you fixed right up. - Never say "fixed" to an animal person.
ga791125 -- There's nothing like a brisk morning jog in thermal underwear. - Hmmm, a thread. - - - - SLAM - Very funny, Garfield.
ga791126 -- Get off the ceiling, Garfield. - Get out of the glove compartment, Garfield. - Get back in the glove compartment, Garfield.
ga791127 -- - - Get your face off the windshield, Garfield.
ga791128 -- What is it, Garfield? What are you trying to tell me? - Oh. - You're carsick, you say.
ga791129 -- - - Stop playing with the power seat, Garfield.
ga791130 -- Dinner's on, Garfield. We have lasagna and chicken and mashed potatoes. - Let's see, I think I'll have... - A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
ga791201 -- Well, Garfield, that's the last time the Hamiltons ever ask us over. - I hope you learned a lesson from this evening. I sure did. - Never sharpen your claws on a water bed.
ga791202 -- - Have you ever noticed how much some people look like their pets, Garfield? - Hee hee Hee - HA-HA-HA ha - -
ga791203 -- Guess who's come to visit us this week, Garfield? - NERMAL! The world's cutest kitten. - You're testing me, aren't you?!
ga791204 -- How cute! - -
ga791205 -- How cute! hop hop hop - BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! - Somehow, Garfield, your grasp of "cute" is a little shaky.
ga791206 -- scratch! scratch! scratch! scratch! - There's one nice thing about having another cat around the house. - NERMAL!
ga791207 -- I'm tired of competing with that Nermal. I think I'll give him a good pounding today. - Where is that little fuzzball= He could be anywhere. -
ga791208 -- It's time we determined who's master of this household. - SMACK! - How did he do that? ***
ga791209 -- - - - - - Would you like to come in, Garfield?
ga791210 -- - - It's time we talked about this coffee dependency of yours, Garfield. Ahhh.
ga791211 -- PLIP! - HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! -
ga791212 -- * * - Get off the piano, Odie. You're making too much racket. - And you...
ga791213 -- Garfield! That's beautiful! - WE'LL GO ON THE ROAD, WE'LL MAKE A MILLION! WE'RE RICH! - * *
ga791214 -- - - CLICK! Stop playing with the flashlight, Garfield.
ga791215 -- - - - - Your Picture 4 for 50c
ga791216 -- Let's go look at new furniture, Garfield. - FURNITURE CITY Gee, this sofa's nice. What do you think, Garfield? - Garfield? - POW! - koooosh POP! POP! ssssss POW! plif - Congratulations, sir. You are now the proud owner of 23 slightly clawed
ga791216 -- inflatable chairs. I haven't had so much fun since Granny got her tail caught in the wringer.
ga791217 -- BAT BAT - ZIP! - I'll lay you ten to one I'm here till saturday.
ga791218 -- What a bummer. Here I am wrapped up in a window blind. - Just bump in the road of destiny, just a hump on the camel of fate, just a lump in the throat of misfortune. - Hey! You DO have to suffer to write!
ga791219 -- If I expand the muscles in my body, maybe I can burst my way out of this blind. - DRAT! I forgot. - What muscles?
ga791220 -- - - I was afraid of that.
ga791221 -- Hey, Garfield. - What are you doing up there? - In a world full of idiots, I get the grand high llama.
ga791222 -- Let me get you out of that blind, Garfield. - -
ga791223 -- - - - Uh-oh! Here comes Jon! - The perfect crime. - Oh, Garfield. - Have you perchance, seen my chicken?
ga791224 -- Just one bite of chicken and that's it, Garfield. - - If you swallow, I'll tie a knot in your neck.
ga791225 -- Whatever your beliefs, the Christmas season represents peace, love and charity among people everywhere. - Merry Christmas and season's greetings. - Sometimes I'm so sentimental I could just kiss myself.
ga791226 -- I froze a special treat for you, Garfield. - Oh, goody. - Cat food on a stick.
ga791227 -- It's true cats always land on their feet. - - The things I do for this strip.
ga791228 -- - Spiders are curious insects to see. Their webs are really neat. - But how do they weave them elaborately, When all they have is feet?
ga791229 -- Garfield and I can actually communicate. Watch this... - Would you like to take a bath, Garfield? - Garfield says "no".
ga791230 -- CRASH! - GARFIELD! YOU BROKE MY FERN!! - I RAISED THAT FERN FROM A FROND! - WHAT DID THAT FERN EVER DO TO YOU?!! - Why, I have a notion to...uh...to - I...uh. - You're so cute. Like putty in my paws.
ga791231 -- This year I resolve to lose weight... - To be nicer to dogs... - And to sprout wings and fly.
ga800101 -- So this is 1980. - - Feels about the same.
ga800102 -- You're a sweet cat, Garfield. - It's time we did more things together. - LIKE GIVE YOU A BATH! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!
ga800103 -- Darn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! - Never have so few given so much to so many. - Quit dawdling, Garfield. How dare you to speak that way to the president of the United States.
ga800104 -- Just as I suspected. - The floor is freezing. - clop! clop!
ga800105 -- - -
ga800106 -- - Back off, Garfield. That turkey leg is for my lunch. - ACHOO! - wipe wipe wipe wipe - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - Would you like a turkey leg, Garfield? Only if you don't want it.
ga800107 -- SLURP! - The coffee's too hot, Garfield. - Thanks for telling me.
ga800108 -- What would you like for breakfast, Garfield? Something different! - The usual, you say? NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! - One usual coming up! It's things like this that contribute to the high suicide rate among cats.
ga800109 -- - PUNT! YIP! -
ga800110 -- Throw me a roll, Jon. - GULP! - PASS me a roll, Jon.
ga800111 -- How many times have I told you not to beg at the table? - Sometimes Odie is a real problem. - I wish I had your problem.
ga800112 -- Oh, no, Garfield. You're not getting my chicken today. - I know all your ploys, buddy boy. I'm watching you like a hawk. -
ga800113 -- - - - - * - - I thought so.
ga800114 -- SNIFF - Oh doe! I'm cubbing down wid a code. - Loog, I can hardly ebben understad by own thoughts.
ga800115 -- sniff - OH, ICKY POO! GARFIELD'S GOT A COLD. HE'S DISEASED! EVERYONE STAND BACK! - Berry fuddy.
ga800116 -- AH-CHOO! - It's yours, Garfield. - This could be the start of something grand.
ga800117 -- I hate codes. - I can't beleeb how much my head is stuffed ubb. -
ga800118 -- sniff - ARRRGH!! - Colds can be frustrating can't they, ol' buddy?
ga800119 -- Your cough sounds better, Garfield. hack hack - It should. - I've been practicing all night.
ga800120 -- MY CHICKEN!!! - As long as you ate my chicken, Garfield, why don't you... - EAT MY MASHED POTATOES! - AND MY PEAS! - AND MY RADISHES! AND MY CELERY! - I think Jon's upset.
ga800121 -- I love a cheery fire in a fireplace. - FOOMP! - It's the sparks I'm not too fond of.
ga800122 -- GARFIELD! LUNCH TIME! - - I hate it when my feet go to sleep.
ga800123 -- Frank, meet Garfield. Hi, Garfield. - ROWRRRR! - Some people rub me the wrong way.
ga800124 -- Let's talk about dogs...what are dogs? - - Are they vegetable or mineral?
ga800125 -- Garcon, I'll have the escargot and truffles for an appetizer, then the duck a l'orange flambe and some cappuccino. - Eat up, pal. - Talk about lowering one's sights...
ga800126 -- Here's your coffee, hon. - CRASH! - The roller skating craze is getting out of hand.
ga800127 -- Let's tighten that leash, Garfield. I hate leashes. - FFT! ROWR! - - Don't worry, Garfield. Some kind passer-by will untie us. - Uh, sir? Pardon me ma'am...hey you there... uh... - SLAM Hi, Jon. Hi, Lyman. - What took you so long? - I had to
ga800127 -- drag myself home with my lips.
ga800128 -- Morning, Liz. Jon here. I'm bringing Garfield in for a checkup today. - I know you've been wanting to get to know me better, so why don't you make it a late appointment and we'll go to dinner afterward. - Jon...Jon Arbuckle.
ga800129 -- Hi, doctor? Remember me? Jon? Your knight in shining armor? - Oh yes, I remember. - Names escape me, but I never forget a twit.
ga800130 -- In order to become a veterinarian, you must have a good mind for a woman. - I have a good mind for a man. - You also have a great boy for a man.
ga800131 -- How about a date, Liz? - Could you make it through the night if I said no? Yes. - No. When it comes to slow wits, Jon is a genius.
ga800201 -- Say, "Ah," Garfield. - I'll take your temperature if you don't say, "Ah". - Ah.
ga800202 -- I know you're just a veterinarian, Liz, but I've had these dizzy spells lately... - Well now, why don't we just check your blood pressure. - Uh...DOCTOR.
ga800203 -- Oh, boy, it is chilly this morning. - SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH - SIP - GARGLE GARGLE GARGLE - GULP - That feels so warm. - Ahhh - You really enjoy your coffee, don't you, Garfield?
ga800204 -- Ready for tennis? As soon as I feed Garfield. He's hungry. - How do you know that? - I have my ways.
ga800205 -- Here's a picture of Garfield at the zoo. - Here's Garfield sitting next to a very rare $200 parrot. - Here's a picture of me shelling out 300 bucks for Garfield's lunch.
ga800206 -- Help yourself, Garfield. - - Would you like a little coffee in that sugar?
ga800207 -- This should blow Jon's mind. Me, Garfield, being nice to Odie. pat pat - Heh heh, nice. pat pat - THAT WAS a JOKE, YOU TWIT.
ga800208 -- - push! - This table wasn't big enough for the both of us.
ga800209 -- POOMP! - Oops. I crunched Jon's antenna. - A little more to the right, Garfield.
ga800210 -- - Watch this. I'm going to swing down on this vine and swoop up Jon's chicken. - YANK YANK - - SWOOP! - Where did the vine come from?
ga800211 -- Guess what, Garfield? This week we're going to visit dad and mom on the farm. - Yipee skip. - I think I'll call in sick this week.
ga800212 -- There's only one thing you have to remember when we get to the farm, Garfield. - Watch where you step. - Let me out.
ga800213 -- Hi, dad. Welcome hom, city boy. - Hi, mom. EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT. - Well, shucky darn and slop the chickens, I think I'm going to like it here.
ga800214 -- EAT, EAT, EAT. Mom, is that all you can say? "Eat, eat, eat"? - You should meet some nice girl, settle down, have a family. - Pass the mashed potatoes. EAT, EAT, EAT.
ga800215 -- How's Garfield adjusting to the farm? OINK! - You mean, how's the farm adjusting to Garfield.
ga800216 -- I'm glad we visited the farm, dad. Yup. - It's nice to get away from it all. Yup. - Way, way, wayyyy away.
ga800217 -- - - - - - - -
ga800218 -- This would be a good morning for a brisk walk. - - To the food dish.
ga800219 -- - CLACK! - Life wasn't half as much fun before I got my yo-yo bone.
ga800220 -- The caped avenger sees an evil dog. - The caped avenger springs into action. - The caped avenger hurts himself.
ga800221 -- - SWIPE! - Thanks, Garfield. I hate to lick stamps. Bluh, bluh.
ga800222 -- We're having lasagna for dinner tonight, Garfield. - PLTOOEY! - What say I bake it first. What say.
ga800223 -- I could use a good back walk, Garfield. - This is great. You'd make someone a good wife. - NO CLAWS! NO CLAWS!
ga800224 -- - - - - - It's not the having, it's the getting.
ga800225 -- You're too fat, Garfield. I'm putting you on another diet. - He makes me so mad. - If I could have gotten up on that chair, I would have given him the beating of his life.
ga800226 -- Here's a carrot for your diet, Garfield. You know what to do with it. - I certainly do. - Here, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit.
ga800227 -- I know you're unhappy, Garfield, but I wouldn't have to put you on diets if you wouldn't eat so much. - I can't help it. I have a glandular condition... - An overactive mouth gland.
ga800228 -- This diet's a real bummer. I'm getting weaker by the minute. - I must be going into cholesterol withdrawal. - That's when you have the urge to make a highball out of bacon grease.
ga800229 -- B-R-R-R-R - Awwww, poor thing. First you're on a diet, now you're freezing. - Where's your blanket? I ate it.
ga800301 -- You're looking trimmer, Garfield. I'll take you off your diet now. - - WHEW! POOMP!
ga800302 -- - - - Oh no, you don't, Garfield. This chicken leg is mine. - - - - Let's hear it it for claws.
ga800303 -- Gee, I feel good. - I feel like being nice to everybody today. - I must be coming down with something.
ga800304 -- Heh heh - Cats love to play in grocery bags. - Darn...no groceries.
ga800305 -- When the newspaper comes each day, I take the editorial page and Jon takes the funnies. - HA! HA! HA! HA! - There's no accounting for some people's taste.
ga800306 -- - SWIPE! - Let me guess...you're hungry. Right on.
ga800307 -- Come on , kitty. Sing your song. - - Doo-da, doo-da.
ga800308 -- OH NO! - PUNT! - Don't laugh. How would you like to have dog drool all over YOUR teddy bear?
ga800309 -- - - - - - Graceful. Blow it out your ear.
ga800310 -- This looks like it's going to be a good week. - - Nuts...nuts, nuts, nuts.
ga800311 -- meyow - Listen to that. purrr - The kid's a walking cliche. ffft
ga800312 -- whip! - rip rip rip - Aww, how cute.
ga800313 -- Garfield, you should learn to play with Nermal. Sure thing. hop hop - - Let me rephrase that. dribble dribble dribble
ga800314 -- - Here, Nermal. Do something more constructive with your time. -
ga800315 -- Say good-bye to Garfield, Nermal. smack - -
ga800316 -- - - - - - - ZIP! - Where there's a will...
ga800317 -- Garfield, get your lazy bones out of bed and come to breakfast. - scrape scrape scrape - scrape scrape scrape
ga800318 -- - - Is that all I am to you? Merely an obstruction in the road of life.
ga800319 -- I know you cats are inquisitive by nature, Garfield. - And I know this is your home as well as mine... - BUT STAY OUT OF MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER!!
ga800320 -- Computers...everything is controlled by computers these days. - That chicken you ate was even raised by a computer. - *b*u*r*p*
ga800321 -- Let's go eat, Odie. - What say you go formal. - With a white tie and tail.
ga800322 -- It's a myth that cats are high-strung. - BARK - There's a lot of truth in those old myths.
ga800323 -- Have a fish, Garfield. - - - GULP - PTOOEY - THAT WAS AMAZING! I have nimble teeth.
ga800324 -- Guess what, Garfield? I'm entering you in a cat show. - That should be fun... - I'll be dynamite in the swimsuit competition.
ga800325 -- You'll have to take a bath before the cat show, Garfield. I'll take my chances. - Clean cats are winning cats. - The things I do for stardom.
ga800326 -- Now let's fluff you up. - rrrrrr -
ga800327 -- We need a gimmick for the cat show, Garfield, something to make the judge notice you. - This should do it. - It's a sad state of affairs when a pet owner stoops to humiliating a cat.
ga800328 -- They'll probably want you to do tricks at the show, Garfield, so hop through this hoop. - - I could just cry.
ga800329 -- Hurry up, Garfield! Time to leave for the cat show. grrr rowr - YIP! ROWR! FFT! - I could just cry.
ga800330 -- This is it, Garfield, your first cat show. - Where do I put my cat? Put him here. - - -
ga800331 -- Is this the cat show? - Yes it is. - But the DOG show is NEXT week.
ga800401 -- I'd like to enter Garfield in the cat show. Okay. - Hmmm, lesee here, hmmm. - I'm sorry, but we don't have a "fat" division. Let me at him!
ga800402 -- Hi, what have you got there? - This is Monarch, a registered ruddy abyssinian. He's in the grand champion division with 1400 CFA points...what's that? - This is Garfield. He's...uh sort of yellowish orange and he's got stripes. I've never
ga800402 -- been so embarrassed.
ga800403 -- Cat shows are disgusting. - Imagine, pitting one cat another on a physical basis. This is all so phony. - Judge
ga800404 -- Cat Show - - Darned if my competitive nature didn't get the best of me again.
ga800405 -- And the winner of the household cat division is... - GARFIELD! - Congratulations, Garfield! Did you ever think you could win a cat show? Does a baby go goo?
ga800406 -- I've solved the case, captain. The murderer is... - We interrupt this program to tell you there's a thunderstorm coming into the area. - How dare they break into my favorite TV show for a weather report! - I'm calling the station to give
ga800406 -- them a piece of my mind! - Boy, am I hot! - W-N-R-D, hello? MEOW! - Is this some sort of a joke? Hello? - Boy, do I feel dumb.
ga800407 -- - BONK! - Garfield hates mondays. I hate mondays.
ga800408 -- You're great, Garfield. - You're warm, furry, cuddly, and... - If you say "cute" I'll scratch your eyes out.
ga800409 -- - - I think I'll step into the next room and have a nervous breakdown.
ga800410 -- What's warm and fun to lie in... - And must be chased, but can't be caught? -
ga800411 -- - Okay, Garfield. What've you done? - WHAT'VE YOU DONE?! WHAT'VE YOU DONE?! I love mental games.
ga800412 -- plip! - plip! - I don't like raisins in my cereal. plip! I KNOW! I KNOW!
ga800413 -- - Leave that chicken leg alone, Garfield. It's mine. - - SMACK! - - WHACK! SPLAT! - It's things like this that tend to diminish my enthusiasm for a cat.
ga800414 -- Uh-oh, Garfield wants in! tap tap - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - When I want in, I want in NOW.
ga800415 -- TWEET TWEET - SPROING! -
ga800416 -- VARRROOM! B-B-B-B-VOOM! BAROOM! - meyow - VROWMMM! SCREEEE! VOOM! VOOM!
ga800417 -- Television should be more informative. Television should be more intellectually stimulating. - I'm going to start a movement for more socially aware TV programming! - Just as soon as I'm finished watching "The Beach Creature Annoys Sandra
ga800417 -- Dee".
ga800418 -- - I think you're missing the point of our walks, Garfield. -
ga800419 -- Hey there, good-looking. I don't believe I've seen you around here before. - Do you believe in love at the first sight? - Where have you been all my life?
ga800420 -- I'm bored. - I'm sick of being cooped up in this house all day. - LET ME OUT! I NEED SPACE! - - - -
ga800421 -- How about a date. doc? Okay. - Are you going out with me because of my charm, or my good looks? - It must be your charm. Bingo.
ga800422 -- You're not going to stand me up again, are you, doc? Really...why are you going out with me? - You amuse me. - I'll settle for that. Don Juan dazzles another love-struck waif.
ga800423 -- This is is great. I have a date with Liz. I'll finally have her all to myself. - Just her and me. - And kitty makes three.
ga800424 -- What do you have planned for us tonight? - First we'll jet to a Hollywood premiere and reception with the stars. Then have an intimate dinner at a posh restaurant followed by an evening of dancing at a private club topped off with bubbly on
ga800424 -- the beach at sunrise. - You're kidding! Yea... Yes...how does a drive-in movie grab you?
ga800425 -- What's the movie tonight? The Sludge Monster Meets  Vermin Man. - Never heard of it. - We've seen it eight times. Go Sludge Monster!
ga800426 -- Thanks for going out with me tonight, Liz. I'm sorry Garfield came along. He's a little overbearing at times. - But, at any rate...I'd like to...uh...it was...I mean...er...uh... - Kiss her, you dip.
ga800427 -- - Stand aside, little lady, I'll stop the traffic for you. - HOLD UP! - - VOOM! - My hero.
ga800428 -- - Face it, Garfield... - You aren't the kitten you once were.
ga800429 -- I'm making some really great soup for supper, Garfield. Something's wrong here. - And now some seasoning... I don't like the sound of this. - BATH TIME! I've been duped again!
ga800430 --I'm really going to get you clean today, Garfield. - scrub scrub scrub scrub - What's this? One of my stripes, you bimbo.
ga800501 -- - DON'T GO OUTSIDE! - I just mowed the lawn!
ga800502 -- Eat up, Pal. - I won't say Garfield is fat, but the last time he got on a ferris wheel, the two guys on top starved to death. - SPLAT!
ga800503 -- - - I must speak to Jon about changing the water in my bowl.
ga800504 -- - - What's happening? - I have no urge to shove Odie off the table! - I'm losing my touch! - I must be having an attack of nice! - PUSH - With self-control you can conquer anything.
ga800505 -- Guess who's come to visit? Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. - You're so cute it's disgusting! That's true. - But it's a cross I'll just have to bear.
ga800506 -- How come I've known you a year, Nermal, and you're still a tiny kitten? - I think small. - And the coffee and cigarettes don't hurt.
ga800507 -- Hee, hee, hee. - Here, Nermal. Have a steak. - You really trade on cute, don't you? I manage.
ga800508 -- You're too cute, Nermal. - CUTE IS TASTELESS! CUTE ROTS THE INTELLECT! So what's so hot about ugly? - Good point.
ga800509 -- - Psst, hey, fella. Wanna buy a kitten? - What the? Black market kittens. I'll make a killing.
ga800510 -- Hey, Nermal, do you think you could teach me to be cute, too? - Sure. First, open your eyes just as wide as you can. - Now lose about 20 pounds. Very funny.
ga800511 -- YAWN! - YAWN - YAWN - - - - YAWN!
ga800512 -- - -
ga800513 -- Now where could my rubber mousie be? - EIYEEEEE! SPLASH! - That's right. I left it in the bathtub.
ga800514 -- I LOVE LASAGNA! - I love to smear it on my body. - Which insures I don't have to share it with anyone.
ga800515 -- - - I bet you didn't know cats can shed at will.
ga800516 -- Garfield! Why would you ever want to catch that fish? - Some people LOVE cats for what they are... - And some people ARE cats for what they LOVE.
ga800517 -- - - What's the matter, Jon? Cat got your tongue? You might thay that.
ga800518 -- MERORRR - POOF! - EROWRR - CHUKONG! - ROWERROWER - CLOBBER! - -
ga800519 -- * * * * * * * * - - *
ga800520 -- ** *** - MY PIANO'S POSSESSED! THERE'S AN EVIL SPIRIT IN MY PIANO! - You take that back!
ga800521 -- Good day, sports freaks. Welcome to your first tennis lesson. - First, hold your tennis racquet just like this... - Now drain your spaghetti with it.
ga800522 -- gasp struggle wheeze - Lasagna! I need lasagna! - Let's talk about this pasta dependency of yours, Garfield. First, a noodle, then we talk.
ga800523 -- I'll just take the last helping of lasagna, Garfield. - And you may do whatever you wish with the pan, ha-ha. - WHANG! SPLAT!
ga800524 -- I'm getting tired of your string-arm tactics around here, Garfield. - Remember: blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. - But, in the meantime, the strong will make a pretty comfortable living.
ga800525 -- GRAB! - STRETCH - PTING! - - KABOING! - zoom! - FLAP FLAP FLAP - That's the darndest thing I've ever seen.
ga800526 -- - - The bathroom is secured, sir.
ga800527 -- - BACK!...BACK, YOU SAVAGE! - Savage...I like that.
ga800528 -- - SPLOOT! - What's that? Lemon meringue Odie.
ga800529 -- HERE, ODIE! - - I'm going to train you to sit up today. It's hard to teach a dead dog new tricks.
ga800530 -- Some people say I'm mean to Odie. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE dogs. And if I'm lying, may lightning... - - Strike the dog next door. kerow! yip!
ga800531 -- To properly enjoy tennis you must have the correct stance. - - You'll have to imagine the easy chair, TV, and six-pack.
ga800601 -- - Time to put you out, Garfield. - I don't wanna go out! - - SLAM! - -
ga800602 -- It's that time of year again. - "hen my animal instincts send me into the wild for forage for food. - And the girl scouts start carrying cookies.
ga800603 -- Come on, girl scout. Come to Garfield. - B-B-B-B-B EEEK! - Darn. I was hoping for chocolate chip.
ga800604 -- Hey, mister, your cat ate all my girl scout cookies. - How do you know it was MY cat who ate your cookies? - Twelve boxes worth? That's my cat. o-o-o-o
ga800605 -- I'm very disappointed of you, Garfield. - I can't believe you mugged a girl scout for her cookies. - So cancel my good conduct medal. In one ear, and out the other.
ga800606 -- Oh goody. Here come more girl scouts with more cookies! - Rats! - They have a Den Mother riding point.
ga800607 -- Here comes another girl scout. Watch this. - Beat it, cat! bonk! - Whatever happened to "Sugar 'N' Spice 'N' Everything Nice"?
ga800608 -- - SLURP! - Yuk - Look, Odie...me cat, you dog, we fight. That's the order of things. - Understand? - SLURP! -
ga800609 -- The jungle cat awakes with a voracious appetite. - He instinctively sets out to slay some breakfast. - That wasn't very pretty, but it's all part of the food chain.
ga800610 -- The alley cat scrounges for food. - He pokes his head into a promising garbage can. - PEEEYEWWW!
ga800611 -- The wild cat stalks the environs in search of prey. - He attacks a helpless chicken. - A big, BIG only semi-helpless chicken.
ga800612 -- The farm cat sets out to patrol his property. - He happens upon a plot of fresh catnip. - And wakes up the next morning in Atlantic City with a Barbie doll.
ga800613 -- The actor cat is being filmed escaping from the enemy. - He must leap off a cliff to complete the escape. - Which, of course, is done by a stunt dog.
ga800614 -- The house cat has a busy schedule. - What with sharpening claws. - And seeing his owner off on a big night.
ga800615 -- poke poke poke - poke poke poke poke I'm hungry. - Garfield, you know how I hate it when you poke me. poke poke poke -  poke poke poke poke Then feed me. - How would you like it if I poked you?! POKE! - POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE!
ga800615 -- It's things like that, that make me glad I'm a dog owner. I'm hungry.
ga800616 -- What would you like for your birthday, Garfield? Another nine lives. - How about a ball of yarn? How about not? - What if I keep you in kitty sweaters? What if I keep you in stitches?
ga800617 -- In two days I'll be two years old...that's fourteen years in human terms. - I can't wait. - In another four months I'll be old enough to drive.
ga800618 -- Tomorrow, I'll be two years of age. That's the human equivalent of fourteen. - Cats have it good. - Adolescence without acne.
ga800619 -- Today is my birthday, and I hate birthdays. I'm going to get a surprise party, and I hate surprise parties. - SURPRISE, GARFIELD! - But I LOOOOVE the attention!
ga800620 -- BARK! SPLAT! - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. - CLOBBER! SPLAT!
ga800621 -- - -
ga800622 -- - - - - - - - - -
ga800623 -- Whew, I can't finish my meal. - WHAT AM I SAYING?!! - It just wouldn't be Garfield to leave food.
ga800624 -- - - WHUMP!
ga800625 -- KONG! YIP! - I don't know why I did that. - I guess it comes naturally to a knee-jerk dog hater.
ga800626 -- - - POOF
ga800627 -- I have a tabby at home just like you. - Hee-hee. Aren't you cute! - Where are you going, Garfield? To put a runner in that lady's support hose.
ga800628 -- - Z - Why right here, Garfield?
ga800629 -- - Darn. I can't sleep. - Milk SLUP - - PUFF PUFF - - * - ...
ga800630 -- EEK! THE SLUDGE MONSTER! - Ha-ha, "Sludge Monster" indeed. How trite. -
ga800701 -- Oh no! My food has been ransacked! This looks like the work of the ...SLUDGE MONSTER! - Keep a cool head, Garfield. You must not panic. - AYIEEE! Burp.
ga800702 -- I must arm myself against the sludge monster. - Ah! A helmet. - I should have dumped the sugar out first.
ga800703 -- You may ask...why do I fear the sludge monster? - Not only does it have a bad complexion and dominate the conversation at social gatherings... - It also feeds on scratching posts.
ga800704 -- OH NO! HERE COMES THE SLUDGE MONSTER! - ARRGH! - I wish you'd curb that imagination of yours, Garfield.
ga800705 -- There it is! - PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER, SLUDGE MONSTER! - Why did you mangle that liver, Garfield? In the interest of national security, sir.
ga800706 -- - - ARF! - GRRR! - ROWR! BARK! YIP! GRRR! - - YIP! - Frailty, thy name is dog.
ga800707 -- It's Monday, Garfield. What are you going to do today? - What everyone should do on Monday. - Sleep until Tuesday.
ga800708 -- So this is Tuesday. - Do you know what I like most about Tuesday? - It's not Monday.
ga800709 -- - - My personal food taster.
ga800710 -- - CRASH! BONK! - GARFIELD!!! I'm innocent! I swear it!
ga800711 -- SLURP! - SLURP! - I think I strained something.
ga800712 -- RING! - SMACK! - A little high-strung aren't we? I'm a cat. So sue me.
ga800713 -- What a beautiful day! - SNIFF! - STING! - KONK! - - BONK! - CLONK! - WHAT THE...? It's not nice to fool with mother nature.
ga800714 -- purrrr - - Would you like something to eat, Garfield? That man can read me like a book.
ga800715 -- - GARFIELD! - Don't take another step! This chicken is loaded!
ga800716 -- It's another brand new day for Garfield, the biggest, baddest, meanest cat in the land. - And his sidekick, Pooky. - The biggest, baddest, meanest teddy bear.
ga800717 -- - -
ga800718 -- - - Pooky! Speak to me! Are you okay, fella?
ga800719 -- Hey, Bobby Baby! What's happenin'? - You say I got a wrong number? Well for a wrong number you sure have a sexy voice. Who is this? - Oh, hi, mom. Embarrassment City.
ga800720 -- - SPLASH! - - - I'd better go up for air. - GASP!
ga800721 -- Garfield, how would you like to be my attack cat? Me? An attack cat? - You'd be my side thwarting danger. I'd be your side thwarting danger. - Attacking anyone threatening. Attacking anyone edible.
ga800722 -- I have constructed a thug-dummy for your attack training, Garfield. - KILL! - HA-HA-HA HA-HA!
ga800723 -- Remember, Garfield, you're a vicious attack cat. - ATTACK! - Your mother wears combat boots.
ga800724 -- You're an attack cat. Kill the dummy. Kill the dummy. - KILL! - Wring dummy. Then be more specific.
ga800725 -- Okay, attack cat, let's say a mugger jumps out of the bushes. - A 300-pound mugger with a club. - How will we ever protect ourselves? He's not after MY wallet, jack.
ga800726 -- Forget it, Garfield. You'll never make a good attack cat. - Oh yeh? Well just let some brute try to mug Jon. - I'll give him the hissing of his life.
ga800727 -- - - - - GARFIELD! BATH TIME! - ZOOM! Cats.
ga800728 -- - - How about some breakfast, Garfield? That would be great.
ga800729 -- What did you do with the chicken, Garfield? - SPEAK UP! - I'm sorry, Garfield. Sometimes I forget you can't talk. Forget this.
ga800730 -- You're looking a little puny, Garfield. - Why don't we go see the lady vet again? - Then why don't WE ask the lady vet out again? Than why don't WE get shot out of the saddle again?
ga800731 -- Hey, doc, how about another date? - I don't know. I don't feel safe about you, big fella. - I might yawn myself to death. That put-down gets a 9.8.
ga800801 -- hop hop - That's the thing about canned salmon. hop - It's easier to catch when it heads upstream to spawn.
ga800802 -- GRRRR - ROWR! - yip yip yip One of these days this fierce routine's gonna get me creamed.
ga800803 -- Snicker snicker What are you snickering about, Lyman? - I've solved our mouse problem. How so? - I've set out mousetraps baited with lasagna. Oh no! - NOT LASAGNA?! - SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! -
ga800804 -- I'm putting you on a diet, Garfield. You may have whatever you can sip through a straw. - SUCK! - Back to the drawing board.
ga800805 -- Do you know what constitutes a diet food? - It's not the calories, it's not the protein, it's not the fiber... - It's the bland.
ga800806 -- How goes the diet, Garfield? - Have you lost anything yet? Yes. - My sense of humor.
ga800807 -- Remember, Garfield, one drumstick a day on your diet and that's it. - - What the... I found a butcher who carries pterodactyl.
ga800808 -- You'll have to admit, Garfield... - Noe that you're on a diet, you're feeling better about yourself. You bet. - Aside from the hunger, dizziness and weakness, I'm having a ball.
ga800809 -- You're the correct weight... - For an aircraft carrier, ha-ha. - I shouldn't have said that.
ga800810 -- - SLOSH! - - - - - - GABING!
ga800811 -- What do you get if you cross a cat and a dog? - - You get a stupid cat.
ga800812 -- Go fetch, Odie! - - When he comes to, he's going to be plenty mad.
ga800813 -- Ahem. - Mee mee mee mee, arf arf arf arf arf, bark bark bark - BARK!
ga800814 -- Garfield, I wish you wouldn't keep burying Odie in the sand. - Big deal. - I only buried him up to his knees.
ga800815 -- Don't like your cat food, huh? - Is there anything I can give it? - Last rites come to mind.
ga800816 -- You've finally done it, Garfield. - You've tangled with something bigger than you. - Yeh, but you should see the other truck.
ga800817 -- Hello, sunrise. - Hello, flower garden. - - - WACHOO - Hello, hay fever. sniff
ga800818 -- Hey, Garfield. We're going to visit dad and mom on the farm this week. - Where are you going? - To pack my bibs, and stuff some hayseeds between my teeth.
ga800819 -- Say, mom, whatever happened to Nadine, my pet chicken? She's fine. - This is great? What is it? - Nadine noodle soup. She was family!
ga800820 -- This is where milk comes from, Garfield. - How interesting, how informative. - I'll never, EVER drink milk again as long as I live.
ga800821 -- ptooy - Dad, you didn't. - A good chew never hurt nobody. ssst
ga800822 -- ssst - You're really getting into this farm thing, aren't you, Garfield? Yup. - Wanna swap sheep jokes?
ga800823 -- oin! oink! oink! - - For being edible, you're sure pulling your luck, fella!
ga800824 -- - Did you ever own a cat, Lyman? - I grew up with four of 'em. - What were their names? - Let's see... - There was "cat", "cat", "cat" and "cat". No names? - What's the use of naming a pet that won't come if you call it? Good point.
ga800825 -- BRINNNNNG! SMACK! - BOING! - I hate mondays.
ga800826 -- - - It's not the valleys in life i dread so much as the dips.
ga800827 -- - Garfield, there's nothing you can do or say to make me share my lasagna with you. - Now that was an effective little ploy.
ga800828 -- FLIP - FLIP! - You're a lousy reader, Garfield. You play a lousy game of flip, fella.
ga800829 -- - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch -
ga800830 -- woof woof - rrrrrr - Eek, eek, shiver with fright, beg for mercy, race up a tree.
ga800831 -- - - - - - How is it you cats know exactly when to be underfoot? Lucky I guess.
ga800901 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF DOGS The world's first dog crawled out of the sea about ten million years ago. - But, unfortunately for him... - He was immediately nabbed by the world's first dogcatcher.
ga800902 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF DOGS Tail wagging was invented by a dog named "Bonzo Wag". - He found that tail wagging endeared him to humans. - Bonzo also invented slobbering, but that didn't go over so well.
ga800903 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF DOGS During the stone age, dogs were used for hunting much as they are today. bark bark - GRRRR - Times were tough then. STOMP!
ga800904 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF DOGS Contrary to popular belief... - The first dogs were HAPPY to meet the first cat. - For, until then, all they had to chase up trees were rocks. Arf
ga800905 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF DOGS - - The first fire hydrant.
ga800906 -- Dogs' historic roles as hunters, protectors, trackers, laborers and companions have culminated to make modern dog what he is today. - - It could just make you cry.
ga800907 -- Do you feel personally responsible for the world food shortage? - Every time you go to the beach, does the tide come in? - Have you ever eaten an entire moose? - Can you see your neck? - Do joggers take laps around you for exercise? - If so,
ga800907 -- welcome the NATIONAL FAT WEEK! - This week we'll eat without guilt, and kick off our membership campaign... - By force-feeding a box of cornstarch to a skinny person.
ga800908 -- Welcome to National Fat Week. - This is the week all of you, my fat brothers and sisters, celebrate your big, round, beautiful bodies. - Remember, you're not overweight, everyone else is undernourished.
ga800909 -- This is National Fat Week. Arise, fat people! - LET US AVERT OUR NATION'S INSENSITIVITY TOWARD FAT PEOPLE! - LET US MAKE FUN OF BALD PEOPLE!
ga800910 -- Here's a National Fat Week handy fact... - 60% of the people in our nation are involved in some way with the food industry. - That's right. Eating is not only fun, it's patriotic!
ga800911 -- This year, let's celebrate National Fat Week by stamping out fat jokes. - Let's face it, fatties... - We should be able to stamp out anything we wish.
ga800912 -- We fat people are constantly being discriminated against. - Airplane and theater seats are too small. Designer clothing is not made in our size. But that's trivial. - What this world really needs is a king-size sandbox.
ga800913 -- Here's a National Fat Week diet joke: - What would you get if you cross a dieter with a nine-foot gorilla? - You get a gorilla who diets anywhere he pleases.
ga800914 -- * OH, GARFIELD * - Go fetch the paper. You gotta be kidding. - No paper, no breakfast. - That's blackmail. - Good boy! -
ga800915 -- - - Hungry, Garfield? Bingo.
ga800916 -- - Uh-oh, here comes Jon! -
ga800917 -- I fell nasty today. - PUNT! - You gotta work it out.
ga800918 -- I know it's chilly this morning, Garfield. - But you're not supposed to sit there. - So what's a bun warmer for?
ga800919 -- Would you like to go out, Garfield? - POW! - Or would you rather stay in?
ga800920 -- - You look guilty about something, Garfield. - Did you eat my pie? Your pepper steak.
ga800921 -- arf arf - rrrrr - Let's see. I think I'm supposed to raise the fur on my back, recoil in horror and flee i terror. - Or is it: recoil in horror, raise the fur on my back and flee in terror... - Or is it: flee in terror, recoil in horror and
ga800921 -- raise the fur on my back. - Heck with it. CLOBBER!
ga800922 -- GARFIELD - Will you get out of my flower box and come to lunch? - No thanks. I just ate it.
ga800923 -- I won't say you're fat, Garfield... - But I will say you're two of the finest cats I've ever had. - Let's see...hairdressers, hearing aids, hit men.
ga800924 -- - SPLOT! - Let me guess. You're trying to tell me you don't like your meal. In my own subtle way.
ga800925 -- We cats are very unique. - Who else has our pride, style and sophistication? - Who else can kill an afternoon hanging on the screen door?
ga800926 -- - SLAM! -
ga800927 -- - gobble! gobble! gobble! - Thanks for leaving a wing, Garfield. What are friends for?
ga800928 -- - - This chair could use some softening up. - boing boing boing - scratch scratch scratch - Much better. SPROING - Just when a chair earns your respect, it turns on you.
ga800929 -- How about dinner tonight, doc? Sure. - If there's nothing good on Television. - Did you hear that, Garfield? She practically threw herself at me! Pray for reruns, hotshot.
ga800930 -- Just once I'd like to go on a date without Garfield. - - Where to, sir?
ga801001 -- This is an exclusive restaurant, Garfield. They'll never serve a cat here. - Wear this. - How sit up straight...son. Wait we'll get home...dad.
ga801002 -- Good evening, Liz. So glad you could join us. - "Us"? Me and my cat. - You're not strange or something are you? You don't know the half of it, lady.
ga801003 -- POW! HA HA HA, WHEEEE! - When was the last time you had so much fun, Garfield? - I think it was the time I got the hairball stuck in my throat.
ga801004 -- Thanks for a lovely evening, Liz. - KISS - ptooy ptooy You lucky dog. I rarely kiss on the first date.
ga801005 -- Hmmm, Jon's golf cap. - No one drives faster than the great Enzio Bodoni! - Alms for a tap dancing cat. tappity tappity - Check that oil, mister? - quack quack quack - Sometimes I worry about, Garfield. Ha ha ha ha
ga801006 -- Boy, am I in a bad mood. - STOMP! STOMP STOMP! STOMP! Thanks, Odie.
ga801007 -- FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP - Are you playing with the blinds again, Garfield? - I could just scream.
ga801008 -- - What are you doing up there, Garfield? - Come a little closer and ask that again.
ga801009 -- I'll get you out, Garfield. - CLUNK! - Gee, is there anything I can do for you? Notify your next of kin.
ga801010 -- Cats are great to sleep with on chilly nights. - scratch scratch scratch scratch - If you can put up with some of their eccentricities.
ga801011 -- Cats are not only cute and fuzzy... - We also make keen alarm clocks. - At no extra charge.
ga801012 -- * MERORRR - KACHING! - * EROWRR ** - SPLAT! - ** ROWERROWER * - CLOP! - - Have you considered putting an end to your late-night caterwauling, Garfield? What? And give up show business?!
ga801013 -- Hey, Garfield. Nermal's come to visit for the week. - I wish I could keep him. - Kittens are like strings...every yo-yo wants one.
ga801014 -- Awwwww, isn't Nermal cute? - Look kid...Jon is MY owner. This is MY territory. I'M the cute one around here. Got it? - It's easier to charm your way through life if you have the muscle to back it up.
ga801015 -- I hate Nermal. I think I'll clean his clock. - Hey, kid. How'd you like to play on this waffle iron? Bug off. - I guess I'll have to use more subtle means.
ga801016 -- Hey, I was once a kitten too. - Hey, I'm cute too. - Listen to me, will you?
ga801017 -- - kick! - Where did Nermal go? He's taking a short nap.
ga801018 -- clop clop - Ha ha, cats are so cute when they play dress-up. - Cute to a point, that is.
ga801019 -- scratch scratch scratch - Garfield, what would you say if I said my chair is damaged? I'd say you're right. - What would you say if I said the damage looks like it was done by a cat? I'd say there do appear to be some abrasions of the claw
ga801019 -- persuasion. - What would you say if I said we both know this cat? I'd say you're getting warm. - What would you say if I said YOU are the cat who scratched mu chair? I'd say that is a distinct possibility. - What would you say if I said never
ga801019 -- sharpen your claws on my chair again? No comprendo, Senor.
ga801020 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch - - scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga801021 -- Me, Garfield the cat, a walking flea circus. What a bummer. - I don't mind the itching or biting. - But the lights from the midway are keeping me awake.
ga801022 -- Here it is. - flea n. a small wingless, bloodsucking parasite... - also see: brother-in-law
ga801023 -- I'll fix those pesky fleas. - Women and children first! Help! I'm going down for the third time! Gasp! Blurb! - I can't stand it.
ga801024 -- I'm going to put this flea collar on you, Garfield. Not in your life. - ROWR -
ga801025 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch - - scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga801026 -- - BATH TIME! - - - SPLASH! - Close, but no banana.
ga801027 -- Cats are invincible. - Woe be to he who incurs the wrath of a cat. smack - How long will he be in that body cast, doc? About a week. I could've guessed as much.
ga801028 -- I know it's no fun being in a cast, Garfield. - We'll just have to make the best of your situation. - You'll make a keen doorstop. You're really enjoying this, aren't you, Jon?
ga801029 -- - tip -
ga801030 -- - - waka waka waka waka waka waka
ga801031 -- How does it feel to be out of your cast, Garfield? - - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga801101 -- What should I do with your body cast, Garfield? - I'd like to keep it. - WHANG!
ga801102 -- Hmmm, it feels sleepy out there today. - You're looking a little listless, Garfield. I prefer to think of this as an advanced state of relaxation. - I'm taking you to the vet. Thea have a cure for lazy? - His get up and go got up and went,
ga801102 -- doc. It's nothing a little catnap couldn't fix. - A vitamin shot should do the trick. - But you didn't even give him the shot. It's the thought that counts. tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity
ga801103 -- - KISS - stomp STOMP stomp STOMP STOMP STOMP
ga801104 -- Bath time, Pooky. - -
ga801105 -- - - GARFIELD!
ga801106 -- - - Would you mind explaining yourself, Garfield?
ga801107 -- - Oh, I'm sorry, Odie. Would you like some melon too? -
ga801108 -- squeak squeak squeak - -
ga801109 -- - - - - WHOCK! SPLAT! -
ga801110 -- - GRANDPA! - Stow it, sonny. Where's the refrigerator?
ga801111 -- It's great to see you, grandpa. Why, I'll bet you're still the best ratter in Middletown. - I gave that up. - Why? Ever try to gum a rat?
ga801112 -- How well I remember the day you were born, sonny. Yessire, you were 5 pounds 6 ounces at birth. That's big for a kitten. - I was out of town at the time. - Then how do you remember it? I heard the scream.
ga801113 -- Tell me about my youth, grandpa. - You were born in the kitchen of Mamma Leoni's Italian restaurant. You frolicked in the fettucine, rolled in the ravioli and ate all the lasagna in sight. - I must have broken some eating records. Not to
ga801113 -- mention a few health codes.
ga801114 -- I'm tired. I think I'll turn in. Aw, come on, grandpa. The night's still young. Let's talk. - Let me tell you about the flood of '42. - Works every time. Z
ga801115 -- What the... - Why, I'll bet you two are related, aren't you? I can see the family resemblance. - Take that back, you walleyed muck sucker.
ga801116 -- Z - HEY, GARFIELD, LET'S GO JOGGING. - SHOOP! - - - AHA! - EEEYOUCH! - This is one of those times when I should have considered the consequences of my actions.
ga801117 -- Grandpa? What was I like when I was little? - - Okay...what was I like when I was YOUNG? Let me tell you...
ga801118 -- Tell me, grandpa, how's grandma? Looking more like a haddock every day. - She could give mean lessons to Attila the Hun. - You're not getting along, huh? You might say the honeymoon's over.
ga801119 -- Why aren't you and grandma getting along? - I married her because she had a figure that wouldn't quit. - So? It did.
ga801120 -- Did I ever tell you about the great famine of '59? It was sad. - Food was so scarce, many people ate their cats. - That's disgusting! And you're gullible.
ga801121 -- You kids have it good these days. - I remember when I had to walk six miles every day just to chase rats. - I don't buy that. Would you believe across the street to spook a chicken?
ga801122 -- Goodbye, grandpa. Keep in touch. I'll write soon. - - CATS CAN'T WRITE! Now you're getting the picture.
ga801123 -- - - - - - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hello? Funny Farm? Do you take pets?
ga801124 -- Do you know what I like about cats, Garfield? You're so docile. - ROWR! - I hate to be pegged.
ga801125 -- - Oh no! -
ga801126 -- FOOD! - Close, but no banana.
ga801127 -- I'll be stuck here for the rest of my living days if I don't do something. - I guess I'll have to let go and drop to the floor. -
ga801128 -- - -
ga801129 -- This table is dusty. - ACHOO! - Twenty years from now I'll look back on this and laaaaugh.
ga801130 -- - There's one cute chicky-boo! - She could sharpen her claws on my hassock any time. - I wonder if she'd like to go back to the big caterwauling on Elm Street tonight. - Well, hello there, Garfield. - Oh, hi, Frank.
ga801201 -- Boy, am I bored. - Good morning, Garfield. It's another day just like any other day. Isn't it great? - Some people confuse boredom with security.
ga801202 -- I need a change. - Maybe I'll take up a hobby. Maybe I'll learn a new language. Maybe I'll participate in a sport. - Maybe I'll stay bored. It takes less effort.
ga801203 -- flick - flick - You know you're bored when flicking a lint ball becomes all-consuming.
ga801204 -- Every day it's the same boring food, same boring people, same boring routine... rrrr - ROWR! FFFT! - ...same boring fights.
ga801205 -- Do you know where I'm residing? Bored City, that's where. - But not for long. With a positive mental attitude I can whip it. - I think I'll make a lateral move to self-pity.
ga801206 -- I'm bored. - ARRRGH - That helped.
ga801207 -- - - CHOMP! GULP GOBBLE - PLICK! - - ODIE!
ga801208 -- - - Somehow, I prefer Garfield in his less affectionate moods.
ga801209 -- Garfield, I've been thinking... - I'm seriously considering having you declawed. - Whatever for?
ga801210 -- Why would Jon want to have me declawed? A cat without claws is like a bee without a stinger... - A porcupine without quills, a shark without teeth, a snake without fangs! - I think I see his point.
ga801211 -- Granted, declawing a cat may spare the furniture. But it also renders a cat defenseless. - Put yourself in my shoes...how would you like to go through life... - Knowing somewhere out there is a dog with your name on it.
ga801212 -- Some friends of mine and I would like to discuss this declawing idea of yours. - - Thanks, friends.
ga801213 -- Garfield, I'm sorry I tried to have you declawed. Let's forgive and forget, okay? - BUZZ - I'll settle for "forgive".
ga801214 -- OH BOY! CHICKEN! I LOVE CHICKEN! - Hold it, Garfield. - I don't know how to break this to you. I know it's going to break your heart... - But, I'm never letting you have chicken again. You might choke on the bones. - - - OH BOY! HAMBURGERS! I
ga801214 -- LOVE HAMBURGERS! What? No period of mourning?
ga801215 -- I think it's time you met a lady cat, Garfield. - And if you're not sure what to do on a date just watch me in action sometime. I have. - Make an inuendo, get slapped. Make a suggestion, get slapped. Make a move, get slapped.
ga801216 -- Jon says this after shave is supposed to attract women. - gallop gallop gallop gallop - Darn...wrong species.
ga801217 -- It's time I met a cat of the female persuasion. - - What took you so long?
ga801218 -- What do they call you? - My name's Arlene. - And what do they call that space between your front teeth? This relationship is off to a tenuous start.
ga801219 -- - Wanna eat mice? Wanna beat up dogs? - How barbaric. how nauseating.
ga801220 -- Tell me, Arlene, what good is that space between your teeth? - *** - When will I see you again? Next time I want to hail a taxi.
ga801221 -- Cats can be broken to the leash if you just hang in there. - - -
ga801222 -- Garfield, would you happen to know what happened to the lasagna I fixed for dinner? - * - I didn't know you could whistle. I'd tap-dance too if it would change the subject.
ga801223 -- Did I ever tell you I'm 29, Garfield? - You would have been 30 but you were sick a year. I would have been 30  but I was sick a year. - MY KINGDOM FOR A NEW PUNCH LINE!
ga801224 -- Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - Why, Garfield Arbuckle...The spirit of Christmas is giving, not receiving. - I'll give you this if you don't give me that. Now GIMME! That's the spirit.
ga801225 -- I love Christmas. - The parties and the presents... - The caroling, the presents. The food, the presents, the decorations, the presents, the fun and the presents. Merry Christmas!
ga801226 -- OH NO! I overslept! - I'M LATE! - For my nap.
ga801227 -- Oh no! They've raised my electricity bill again! What'll I doo? There's only one thing to do in a case like this... - SLEEP ON IT! - A real man of action. zzzz
ga801228 -- - No sweat, sarge. I'll take that machine gun nest out with my trusty bazooka here. - So this is what it feels like to be potato salad. - Rhett, rhett. Whatever shall I do? Wherever shall I go? - Take me to your leader, earthling, or I'll
ga801228 -- atomize your face. - That food's for eating, Garfield. What are you trying to do? Make me sick or something?
ga801229 -- GARFIELD! I'M - - Home. Gotcha again.
ga801230 -- This year I resolve to be nicer to Odie. - KONG! - Now that that's out of the way, I can enjoy new year's eve.
ga801231 -- Here you are, Madelyn, my dear. - There's a cat hair in my punch! - GARFIELD!
ga810101 -- So this is 1981. - A brand new year fresh with new promise. - Big, fat, hairy deal.
ga810102 -- GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - WHERE'S YOUR DINNER?!! WHERE'S MY DINNER?!! - Once my eating gains momentum it's hard to shut down.
ga810103 -- Okay, who ate my socks? - - GARFIELD!! The guy's some kind of a psychic!
ga810104 -- What's this strange feeling I feel today? - I feel like being nice to everyone today! - KISS - KISS KISS KISS KISS . KISS - People don't want nice...people want consistency.
ga810105 -- FEED ME! FEED ME! FEED ME! OKAY! OKAY! - - Z
ga810106 -- We cats nap anywhere, anytime. - Everyone should be so lucky. - With the possible exception of airline pilots.
ga810107 -- Z - Z - When Garfield naps, he naps HARD. Z
ga810108 -- Here it comes again! NAP ATTACK! - zzzz
ga810109 -- Oh no! I feel a nap attack coming on. But the movie's almost over. I must stay awake! - - Z
ga810110 -- Boy, what a great night's sleep. YAWN - HEY, GARFIELD. LET'S GO JOGGING. - Z
ga810111 -- What happened to my favorite record? I scratched it. - What happened to the lasagna I fixed for dinner?! I ate it. - GARFIELD; WHY IS IT YOU SCRATCH, EAT AND DESTROY EVERYTHING IN SIGHT?! I CAN'T HELP IT! I'M A SLAVE TO MY PASSIONS! - CATS!
ga810111 -- HUMANS! - I'm sorry, Garfield. If you didn't do those things you wouldn't be a cat. I love you for what you are. That's okay. - What happened to my fern? Don't ask.
ga810112 -- Stand aside, boy. There's lasagna to be eaten! - - We have an understanding, Garfield and I...I provide the food, shelter, and affection, and he provides the abuse.
ga810113 -- ROWRRRR - elbow - EROWR Prima donna.
ga810114 -- I've been watching television too long. - I'd better take a break. -
ga810115 -- - You eat too fast, Garfield. says who? - BURP
ga810116 -- - - A seeing eye dog.
ga810117 -- What's with you? - Someone switched my eyedrops with the airplane glue. That's terrible! - No wonder my model airplane wouldn't stick together.
ga810118 -- - We're going for a nature walk, Garfield. Super. - Just smell that fresh country air. Sniff...ACHOO! - Hark. That's the call of a lesser bittern of the heron family. WAKA, WAKA Waka, smaka. - Rolling meadows, lush forests, majestic
ga810118 -- mountains... - Have you ever seen such splendor? Lovely.
ga810119 -- YAWN - TRIP! - It must be Monday.
ga810120 -- SLUP - That was my hot water, Garfield. I was going to make tea. I know that. - Weird.
ga810121 -- That's the biggest bird I've ever seen! - - Garfield, time to eat.
ga810122 -- I can see the headlines now. - "Cat gets hijacked". - "And duck gets hernia"
ga810123 -- Flying looks pretty simple. - - AARRRRGG
ga810124 -- Oh pooh. - Oh goody. - Oh pooh. City Pound
ga810125 -- City Pound SLAM! - How did I get into this fix? One minute I'm free as a bird, then I'm in the city pound. Where did I go wrong? - I'm just a number here. I've almost forgotten what it's like on the outside. - IT'S NOT RIGHT TO CAGE A WILD
ga810125 -- ANIMAL! - THESE FOUR WALLS ARE CLOSING IN ON ME! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! - You've only been here two minutes. I know, but this is my first shot at a prison scene.
ga810126 -- I can't believe it. Me, Garfield, in a dog pound. - That's "City Pound." There are cats here too, you know. - Arf arf. Oh shut up, fluffy.
ga810127 -- My name's Guido, and this here is my associate, Fluffy. - Guido and Fluffy? - I've killed for less than that. One of your sensitive-tough types.
ga810128 -- Tell me, Guido.  Why is Fluffy here in the city pound? - His previous owner encountered considerable difficulty in cultivating Fluffy with the proper hygienic habits. - Couldn't be housebroken, huh? Puddle City.
ga810129 -- How long will I have to stay here in the pound? Till your owner comes to pick you up. - What if he doesn't come? Then it's curtains for you. - Great! I love to sharpen my claws on curtains. How do I break this to him?
ga810130 -- We gotta bust out of this pound. Got any ideas? Why don't we use Fluffy as a battering ram? - FLUFFY! BE A BATTERING RAM! Yah. - CRASH!
ga810131 -- Thanks for helping me escape from the pound, Guido. No sweat. - It's nice to finally be out of trouble. What a relief it is to be returning to the safety and comfort of home. - Whatever that is...
ga810201 -- - - Why, hello there. I'm lost. - Aren't you cute! Can you give me directions! - Run along now, Kitty. - - - What did I do?
ga810202 -- So what if I'm lost. Big deal. I can handle it. - Cats are adventurous. Cats are independent. Cats are strong... - I WANT MY TEDDY BEAR!
ga810203 -- It should be no problem finding my way home. Cats have a natural homing instinct. - My instinct tells me to go that way. - BONK!
ga810204 -- FOOD! I GOTTA HAVE FOOD! - Health Food Store - FOOD! I GOTTA HAVE FOOD!
ga810205 -- Boy, am I beat. I must've walked two blocks today. - It will be nice to get home. I miss my chew bone, my chew toy, - And Odie, my chew dog.
ga810206 -- I guess I'll have to hitchhike home. - Fortunately for me, I have something most other cats don't. - Thumbs.
ga810207 -- GARFIELD! WELCOME BACK! - I'm starved. You must be starved. I'll get some food. - Home is where they understand you.
ga810208 -- * * - * *  ** - ** ? ** - ** - * * - ***!
ga810209 -- MY FEET! WHERE ARE MY FEET?! - - Maybe I could stand to lose a pound or two.
ga810210 -- Garfield, you won't say you're fat... - But you have more chins than a Hong Kong telephone directory! -
ga810211 -- I wish Jon wouldn't kid me about my weight. - I'm a very sensitive person. - Et tu, chair?
ga810212 -- My, my, a chocolate covered peanut. - RIP! - I think I need a bigger cat suit.
ga810213 -- - - Sorry about that.
ga810214 -- GARFIELD! DINNER! - I appreciate your promptness, Garfield... - BUT, NEXT TIME, OPEN THE DOOR! Oops.
ga810215 -- Watch out, Metropolis. Garfield is in town. - This is my night to howl. - AROOO - Hey, baby, what's happenin' Buzz off, creep. - arooooo - Hi there, how about a kiss? Don't do me no favors. - How about you and me. Pack it in, jack. - aroooo.
ga810216 -- Uh-oh. It's diet time. - Let's diet together, Garfield. That would be more fun. - How does the old proverb go? "Misery loves company".
ga810217 -- Welcome to the first day of your diet, Garfield. - Through self-denial, you will realize a slimmer, more self-assured you. - I THINK I'M GONNA DIE!
ga810218 -- I shall now attempt to eat a lunch consisting of one leaf of lettuce. - Lightly seasoned with... - One quart of mayonnaise! BLOP
ga810219 -- Dieting is easy when you set your mind to it. - I no longer crave food. - IT'S THE CALORIES I CRAVE!
ga810220 -- - - I gotta get off this diet!
ga810221 -- Zowie! A picture of lasagna! - RIP! - Not too bad except for the staples. ptooey
ga810222 -- SNAP! - I love static electricity. scuff scuff scuff scuff - POP! - SCUFF SCUFF SCUFF SCUFF SCUFF - POW - I hate static electricity.
ga810223 -- BRINNNNG! - I love to wake up early. - The earlier you set your alarm, the longer you can oversleep.
ga810224 -- It's yawn and crick time. - YAWN - CRICK!
ga810225 -- Eat your food, Garfield. No, It's youkky. - How would you like to go to bed without dinner? - Somehow, that psychology doesn't seem to work on Garfield.
ga810226 -- Why do people love teddy bears? - It's for their don'ts... - They don't eat your food. They don't dance with your date and they don't trump your ace lead.
ga810227 -- - I wonder what grandiose dream Garfield is having right now. -
ga810228 -- Have you ever seen such a sad movie in all your life, Garfield? - Maybe I'm too hardened. Maybe I'm too cynical... - But I wasn't that moved by "Flipper Gets The Ick".
ga810301 -- - I declare this chair the sole property of Garfield The Cat. - Move it, Garfield. That's my chair. My chair. - MY CHAIR! MY CHAIR! - MY CHAIR! MY CHAIR! - KICK! My chair. My cushion.
ga810302 -- GRRR ROWR - EYOUCH! - One should not bare one's claws while lying on them.
ga810303 -- Claws. - THOCK! - The only way to eat olives.
ga810304 -- What's this welling up within my soul? - By golly, it's my primal urges. - Civilization as we know it may come to an end now that the CLAW is here!
ga810305 -- The Claw spots groceries. - ZIP! - What a lousy epitaph..."he shuffled off this mortal oil at the hand of canned goods".
ga810306 --The Claw spots boy with balloon. - POW! - The claw enjoys a cruel laugh at a young child's expense. WAH!
ga810307 -- The Claw sets out to wreak havoc. - CRASH BAM SMASH WHAM - The claw gets his havoc wreaked by the fang.
ga810308 -- - Poor me. - All alone in the rain...nobody notices, nobody cares. - I think I'll catch pneumonia and die.  That'll make'm feel bad. - GARFIELD! GET IN HERE! - Everyone needs a good bout with self-pity now and then.
ga810309 -- I'm putting you into training, Garfield. - CATCH THE MOUSE! KILL THE MOUSE! CHASE IT! - I'm disappointed in you. You're just another dumb animal. If I wait for the forward thrust to diminish, I should be able to retrieve it at my leisure.
ga810310 -- Garfield, where's your windup mousie? - You didn't...? No of course you didn't. - ptooey
ga810311 -- GET THAT MOUSE, GARFIELD! What mouse? Squeak - I KNOW IT'S THERE. I HEAR IT SQUEAK, NOW DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Squeak - koink koink koink
ga810312 -- CATCH THAT MOUSE, GARFIELD! - Now what do I do with it? Eat it! - Who knows where that mouse has been?
ga810313 -- Why do people expect us cats to eat mice? - This mouse could be somebody's mother. This mouse could be a deacon in its little mouse church. - And some of the fuzzy sucker's bones might get caught in my throat.
ga810314 -- KILL THE MOUSE, GARFIELD! - NO! I RESPECT MY WARMBLOODED BROTHERS AND SISTERS MORE THAN THAT! - I'll reserve my abuse for the lower life forms.
ga810315 -- - Cats can stare anything down. - - I win. - - I win again. - Uh oh. - This one's going to be tough.
ga810316 -- Oh Marcia. Oh Bob. - kissy kissy smooch - It's time Jon had another date. kiss
ga810317 -- It's time to go to the veterinary clinic, Garfield.  - Sometimes I think Jon uses me as an excuse to see that lady vet. SLAM - Especially when he forgets to take me along.
ga810318 -- Hellooo, doc. Remember me? Where's your cat? - Forget my cat. Can't we get started without him? Sure. - First a vitamin E shot to give your coat a keener sheen. I'll get my cat.
ga810319 -- How a bout a date, my little kitten? - I don't date men who who use animal names out of context. - Rats.
ga810320 -- Why don't you like me? - You're wishy-washy, crude, and a twerp. - I mean aside from that.
ga810321 -- Your cat is extremely overweight, Mr. Arbuckle. It could lead to serious heart problems. Not to worry. - I don't think Garfield has a heart. - See?!
ga810322 -- - I'm going to jog this morning. - Of course, it will be cold when I start. - But then I'll get hot and sweaty. - And my heart will pound, making me dizzy. - I'll get blisters on my feet. - Then I'll be stiff and sore for days. - Jogging
ga810322 -- probably wouldn't be so bad. But the anticipation is killing me.
ga810323 -- I wonder what today is? - BONK! - Monday.
ga810324 -- There are two of us and only one donut, Garfield. Let's share it. - - Where's my share? Look closely. I left the hole for you.
ga810325 -- bark! bark! bark! - - I fail to see the sport in it.
ga810326 -- Ah, a screen door upon which to hang. - - They don't make'm like they used to.
ga810327 -- Hello. What's this? - Don't panic, Garfield. It's only a little rain. - AAAAAAAAAAAAA
ga810328 -- I love lasagna fresh from the oven: the tomato sauce, the meat, the melted cheese. - - GARFIELD!
ga810329 -- I', going out, Garfield. The women will be hysterical over me. The outfit's hysterical. - What do you think about my attire? It could use some alteration. - Let's tuck that tie in and add some vents to the sleeves. - - A smart cat knows just
ga810329 -- how far to go without crossing over the line. - Perhaps a more rakish tilt to the hat. -
ga810330 -- Just remember, Garfield, when we get to the farm you are there to relax. - I know last time you wanted to be helpful... - But you do not grow chickens by planting chickens in the ground! It was an hones mistake.
ga810331 -- Mothers equate love with food. When they feed you they're saying, "I love you". - Eat, eat, eat. - And I love you, too.
ga810401 -- The light bulb's burned out. - Don't worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark going blind. - I'll fix it. He's such a good boy.
ga810402 -- When I was your age I was married and had a kid. Yeh, me! - - Good argument, son. But I still think you should get married.
ga810403 -- Now that the sun has set, we come to the exciting part. - We turn around to watch the moon rise. - Be still my beating heart.
ga810404 -- It IS kind of pretty out here on the farm. - chirp chirp - Walt Disney, eat your heart out.
ga810405 -- - Uh oh. I'll never make it across that sunbeam awake. - Nothing ventured, nothing gained. - Z poomp! - Come on , Garfield, let's go for a walk. Z - Z Z
ga810406 -- You're getting a little pudgy there, Garfield. - Maybe you'd be more attractive to the ladies if you'd suck your gut in. - And then again, maybe not.
ga810407 -- Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. - Buenos dias, mon sweet. I knew you'd come back to me. - Of course you did, fatso. You're sitting on my rubber mouse.
ga810408 -- Tell me, Arlene, how does it feel to have a huge, ugly, disgusting gap between your front teeth? - BAP! - Oh.
ga810409 -- ROWR OOOO - Why do cats always caterwaul when they date? Would you rather come to my place and see my cat show trophy? - EROOO
ga810410 -- How about us having a lasting relationship, Garfield? - I'm sorry, Arlene. I'm already hopelessly in love with somebody else. - Who? Me.
ga810411 -- Thanks for the date, Arlene. How about a good night kiss? - kiss kiss smack kiss - Masher.
ga810412 -- - Aren't pet stores fascinating, Garfield? - The cute hamsters, the canaries, the tropical fish. - Garfield? - GARFIELD?!! - Oh, there you are. - Come on, let's go home for lunch. No thanks, I just ate.
ga810413 -- Where were you last night, Garfield? - - You met a ballet dancer and went to a sack race? Close enough.
ga810414 -- Z - BARK! -
ga810415 -- yip! yip! YIP! YIP! - -
ga810416 -- If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I'd like to come back as a movie star. - What would you like to come back as, Garfield? What a silly question. - A dogcatcher, of course.
ga810417 -- Mornin', Jon. What'll you have? Ham'n'eggs, eggs over easy. - And what'll you have, sir? - One of each will do nicely, thank you.
ga810418 -- Garfield. Cats can't walk on their hind feet. - I didn't know that. -
ga810419 -- dial dial - Hello, Ingrid? How about a date this weekend? - Okay...then how about next weekend? How about the weekend after that? - Maybe the weekend after that? Or the weekend after that? The next one? How about the weekend after that? -
ga810419 -- Look Ingrid, if you don't want to go out with me, why don't you just say so! - SLAM! - I guess I told her. String 'em along then break their hearts. Right, Jon?
ga810420 -- The moon is right. - The time is right. - Good evening, ladies and germs. A funny thing happened on the way here tonight...
ga810421 -- A canary walks up to me the other day and he says, "I haven't had a bite in three days." So you know what I did? - I ate him! - Yah dah dah dah dah dah tappity tappity tappity
ga810422 -- O solo MEYOW - - I know you're out there. I can hear you breathing.
ga810423 -- My next song is for all you lovely ladies out there. - Heck with it. This is for you ugly ones, too. - BAP! BOP! BAP!
ga810424 -- AROOOO - THOCK! Ha ha! I was prepared this time. - KACHUNG!
ga810425 -- Take my dog...please. - What's that? - HOOK!
ga810426 -- BRING! - Good morning, Garfield. Here's your yummy breakfast. - SPLAT! Yuk. - scratch RIP! scratch - Chirp chirp - EEEEEK! - Just another day in the life of a typical cat.
ga810427 -- Why were cats placed upon this earth? - Why, to give people pleasure. - And to give dogs a hard way to go. SMACK!
ga810428 -- There's nothing like a steaming cup of coffee and a newspaper to get the day started. - - I'd enjoy it even more if I could read.
ga810429 -- ROWR - -
ga810430 -- Once again I venture into the wilderness in search of quarry. - I spot my prey, but I must make a clean kill. - Hamburgers can be vicious if they're only wounded.
ga810501 -- I eat too much, I sleep too much and I don't exercise at all. - There's certainly room for improvement. - I think I'll take up smoking.
ga810502 -- - gobble gobble gobble gobble - It's been a big day.
ga810503 -- - MROW OOOO - ROWRR UR - AROOOOOOO - Thanks for the date, Garfield. Take care, Arlene. -
ga810504 -- YAWN - POOMP! - I'll get you for this, Monday.
ga810505 -- - Ha ha. How can I resist you when you're cute? Help yourself, Garfield. - A fool and his lasagna are soon parted.
ga810506 -- - -
ga810507 -- How do you feel about jogging this morning, Garfield? - How do you feel about bleeding this morning. - I get your drift. Bright lad.
ga810508 -- If you want to eat, use this can opener, Garfield. - You know what to do with it. Yes, I do. - Gimme a steak.
ga810509 -- - Okay, who put eyeballs on my hamburger? -
ga810510 -- - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, GARFIELD?! - You were walking down the street minding your own business... - SNIFF You stopped to smell a flower... - When a big dog slipped up behind you... - CLOBBER - And beat the stuffing out of you. You are so
ga810510 -- right.
ga810511 -- Hey, Garfield, what do you think of my new wallpaper? - - I like it.
ga810512 -- If I were the cruel sort, I'd shove Odie off the table. - But I'm not. - Teddy bears, on the other hand... BOMP!
ga810513 -- GET OUT OF MY CHAIR. OUT! OUT! - Pooky wants to watch television . I guess I know where I fall in the order of things.
ga810514 -- I have a new diet for you, Garfield. You can eat all you want. - After eating five pounds of carrots! -
ga810515 -- Garfield, you hang around the house too much. - What can I do to interest you in the great outdoors? - You can screen it in and out a roof over it, for starters.
ga810516 -- - NAP ATTACK! - I hate him. Z
ga810517 -- I wonder if I could stand on just two feet? - Hey, this is great! I'm standing! - Now I can tap-dance. tap tap tap tappity tap tap - And I can reach the tabletop. - And drop-kick Odie. DROP KICK! - Garfield! Cats can't walk on their HIND
ga810517 -- FEET! - SMACK! See? Thanks a lot.
ga810518 -- Would you like to go camping, Garfield? - WHAT?! AND GET WET WHEN IT RAINS, FREEZE AT NIGHT AND GET THORNS IN MY PAWS?! - We'll have pan-baked lasagna. I'm packed. Let's go.
ga810519 -- Everything's packed for the camping trip, Garfield. Did I forget anything? - - Anything else? Yes, 250 miles of extension cord.
ga810520 -- - There's only one thing I like about cars. - The upholstered ceilings.
ga810521 -- - Garfield! Get out of there! - The light DOES turn off when the glove compartment is closed.
ga810522 -- boing boing - Are you bored, Garfield? - We'll find out how bored I am if I don't get to a litter box soon.
ga810523 -- Get out of the car, Garfield. - Let us bask in the sun and sleep with nature's creatures, Garfield. - Translation: "Let's bake our brains and lie on the ground with bugs and snakes, Garfield".
ga810524 -- Well, here we are in the wilds, Garfield. Keep a sharp eye out for wild animals. - WHAT?! - WHA...?! - You're just fooling me, aren't you? - - Oh, no, you don't, Garfield. - I'll wise up to your tricks if it's the last thing I do.
ga810525 -- Come on across the creek, Garfield. - I don't know why you cats are so afraid of a little mud. - You would be too if you had to wash yourself with your tongue.
ga810526 -- Welcome to our first night of camping, Garfield. enjoy. - ROAR! - You enjoy. I'll be waiting in the car.
ga810527 -- Lock your door, Garfield. This is a tough neighborhood. - I know. - How often do you see kids having a fire hydrant eating contest?
ga810528 -- - -
ga810529 -- - - Tell me that's not a traffic cop's hat you're wearing, Garfield. Okay, it's not a traffic cop's hat.
ga810530 -- I'm bored. I think I'll step out for some fresh air. - GARFIELD! WE ARE GOING OVER 50! - So I noticed.
ga810531 -- - Well, well, Here comes Arlene. - Hey, baby, what's happenin'? Buzz off, creep. - How about a gourmet dinner? I'm all yours! - - You really shouldn't have. Hang the expense. Only the best garbage for you, my dear.
ga810601 -- You again. Me again. - Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. - Now, stand aside, fatso. I have people to charm.
ga810602 -- Out! - You can scratch my chair, you can insult my mother, you can beat up my dog, and you can play with my rubber mousie... - But you don't eat my food and you don't sleep into my bed. Yes, sir.
ga810603 -- We cats are very independent. - We don't need attention. - Unless it's being given to someone else.
ga810604 -- Come here, Nermal. - Make yourself useful. - Where are you going? Trolling for dogs.
ga810605 -- - MINE! - Pooky is a one-cat teddy bear.
ga810606 -- I guess I'll be leaving. Must you rush? - If you insist, I'll stay. -
ga810607 -- - pat pat pat - - - - - - PUNT!
ga810608 -- Fetch, boy. - - Obedient...not very bright, but obedient.
ga810609 -- - - Oh, Garfield.
ga810610 -- BAP! - woinng - woinng
ga810611 -- - BARK! - Pets.
ga810612 -- BOP! - WHANGO - Nobody beats up on Odie but me.
ga810613 -- Do you know what I hate about dogs? - Dogs are so ... so ... so  - friendly.
ga810614 -- - PUNT! - - - boing! boing! boing! boing! - CRASH! - I love you when you're naughty.
ga810615 -- It's Monday. Nothing good ever happens to me on mondays. - So I'm going to stay in the middle of this big field all day, where I can't get hurt. - SPOING!
ga810616 -- Claire, baby! What say you and I go out tonight and paint the town red, sweets? - Yeh, maybe another time? - Now who should I call? Try Clods Anonymous.
ga810617 -- Hellooo, Mary. Say, good lookin', where have you been all my life? - I see...you lived on Main Street until you were two, then you moved to Rosewood where you presently reside. - Shall I ask her out, Garfield? Sounds like a match made in
ga810617 -- heaven.
ga810618 -- Hanging on the screen door was more dangerous in olden times when people threw their dishwater out. - GOOSH - Old habits die hard.
ga810619 -- I can hear them sneaking up behind me now. - They are crouching, getting ready to leap. - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GARFIELD! What a wonderful surprise!
ga810620 -- - - GARFIELD! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? SPEAK TO ME! I'm not speaking to you.
ga810621 -- - I'm bored. - Bored, bored bored. - There must be more things to do on a screen door than just hang there. - - - - Nice going, dummy.
ga810622 -- There you are, Garfield. A genuine Naugahyde leash. - How inhumane! How cruel! - Do you know how many naugas they killed to make this leash?
ga810623 -- - ROWRR!! - hop hop
ga810624 -- Where are you going, Jon? I'm breaking Garfield to the leash. - He doesn't like it much, does he? How can you tell?
ga810625 -- - -
ga810626 -- You wait here while I go into the store. - Leashes are the greatest things since sliced bread. - By the way, don't forget the frozen lasagna.
ga810627 -- You know, Garfield, I've come to realize leashes aren't right for cats. - Now there's a news flash for you. - Next he will come to realize icebergs weren't right for the Titanic.
ga810628 -- Sit up. - Roll over, Odie. - Speak. Urf. - Play dead. - Beg. - WHERE'S YOUR PRIDE?!
ga810629 -- I hate rain. - I'm so depressed. - Happiness is only a fair weather friend.
ga810630 -- - WAHCHOO! - Floral print.
ga810701 -- - WAHCHOO! - SNIFF
ga810702 -- Dear Garfield, How do I avoid the embarrassment of cat hair all over my house when I have company? Harried. - Simple. - Never invite anyone to your home again.
ga810703 -- I love sunny windowsills. - - And I hate open windows.
ga810704 -- - - Stay away from rocking chairs. Sound advice.
ga810705 -- - - - Oh yuk! - What did you drag that fish in for? - SMACK! BONK! - When a cat presents you with a dead, smelly thing, it's an expression of love, you twit.
ga810706 -- Here's a lesson in the natural order of things. - Cats use claws to climb up trees. - And fire departments to get down.
ga810707 -- What does Garfield the cat do when he's stuck up a tree? - Why what any honorable cat would do, of course. - WAHHH!
ga810708 -- I'm getting out of this tree. - BOING! - I didn't allow for my resilient nature.
ga810709 -- Poor me..stuck up a tree. - Things could be worse, I guess. -
ga810710 -- Why do I always get stuck up trees? - It must be the cat in me. - Right on.
ga810711 -- Come here, cat. ROWR! - ROWR FFT! Here you are, cat. kiss Thanks.
ga810712 -- Oh good, it's here. - This rubber burger should be good for some laughs. - CHOMP! - SPROING! - ROWR! Hee hee. - GRRRR HA! HA! HA! - - It was worth it.
ga810713 -- - - You could've asked me to pass the salt. Cats don't ask. Cats take.
ga810714 -- Just look at yourself, Garfield. You're becoming a soft, sugar dependent, grease-eating lard ball. Is that what you want? - YES! - Let me rephrase that...
ga810715 -- Some people say I'm fat. - Big deal, I love to eat. - Waddling and sweating is kind of fun too.
ga810716 -- - BASH! - Good morning, fatso. All I did was jump off the bed.
ga810717 -- It isn't healthy for a cat to be as big as you are, Garfield. - Why, you could get heart disease, get fallen arches... - Get harpooned. Couldn't resist it could you.
ga810718 -- - CRASH - Maybe I should go on diet.
ga810719 -- Let me give you a driving session, Garfield. - When you're as good a driver as I am, you drive defensively. - You look both ways at an intersection. - Then you proceed with caution. - HONK! SCREEEE! - Darn you, Garfield. I'm such a kidder.
ga810720 -- I think you're eating too much salt, Garfield. I'm going to take it out of your diet. - If you must. - But I'm sure going to miss my salt lick.
ga810721 -- I'm putting you on a diet, Garfield. OH NO! - I may have to resort to desperate emergency measures. - Like chasing mice.
ga810722 -- I'm going to start you on your diet slowly, Garfield. - For the rest of the week you may have no desserts. Fine and dandy. - Helloooo, main course.
ga810723 -- Hello, ice cream. Hello, hamburger. Hello, lasagna. - Get away from the refrigerator, Garfield. You're on a diet. - What were you doing? Just visiting some old friends.
ga810724 -- I'm on a diet again. What a bummer. - Soon there will be less of me around. - I'm going to miss me.
ga810725 -- - - The lost-your-will-to-live phase of the diet, huh? Let me die in peace.
ga810726 -- - - - - - - Going to do some singing on the ol' fence tonight? Music is my life.
ga810727 -- Hello. What's this? - - I hate mondays.
ga810728 -- Garfield, Garfield, Garfield. You ate my fern. I'm a bad boy. - Now I'll have to go buy another one. - I hope it tastes better than this one.
ga810729 -- - - MMMPH
ga810730 -- Good morning, Garfield. - Don't speak to me just yet. - Some people have no respect for slow risers.
ga810731 -- - - In the flower garden again, Garfield? How'd you guess?
ga810801 -- Do you know what this country needs? More dog pounds. - Anti-dog mines around fire hydrants! Dog hunting season! Dog traps! - Relax, Garfield. You're going to burst something. Why, millions could be saved on carpet cleaning bills alone.
ga810802 -- * - Garfield, lasagna! - - - I waxed the table today. When my bones knit, you are a dead man.
ga810803 -- - - You know it's Monday when you find sharks circling in your water bowl.
ga810804 -- I'm in the mood for a good fight, but I am personally opposed to senseless violence. - PUNT! - That's for not being a cat.
ga810805 -- Hey look, Garfield. This is my impression of a bowling ball. - SHOOP! - That was my impression of a vacuum cleaner.
ga810806 -- I feel like getting into a big fight today. - - Now I feel like holing up somewhere to whimper for a while.
ga810807 -- What do you want to do tonight, Garfield? Do you want to go jogging? Go to a movie? Play miniature golf. - Or would you rather go eat? - Natch.
ga810808 -- Do you take your cat everywhere? - Yes, we do everything together, my dear. - Except make passes at ugly waitresses.
ga810809 -- Here it comes, folks. - Tah-dah! - - Lasagna anyone? I'll pass. Nope. I'm on a diet. I think I'll wait for dessert. I just ate.
ga810810 -- I wonder where I should go on vacation. - Maybe France or Spain... - Or Mexico.
ga810811 -- Garfield, I've decided to take a vacation. Great! When do we leave? - I don't think you understand. I said "I", not "we". - Say you're just kidding. I think you understand.
ga810812 -- I can't believe Jon's not taking me on vacation. - Cats need vacations too. - All this eating and sleeping can wear a guy down.
ga810813 -- Aunt Gussie, would you take care of my cat while I'm gone on vacation? ...terrific! - You know aunt Gussie, Garfield. She's a sweet old lady. - How can you say that about someone who used to double date with Lizzie Borden?
ga810814 -- Garfield, meet aunt Gussie. - I'm tickled pink to meet you. - And you can color me unimpressed.
ga810815 -- While I'm gone take good care of Garfield. - And keep a close eye on him. He gets a lot of mischief. - Have fun, Garfield. Garfield?
ga810816 -- - pat pat pat - - POOMP! - I would have had to eat him to save face.
ga810817 -- Stowing away in Jon's suitcase is thirsty work. - GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK - Even after shave lotion tastes good if you're dry enough.
ga810818 -- Look out, sunny beaches. - Here comes Don Juan. - And his sidekick, Lawrence of Boxer Shorts.
ga810819 -- I can't believe you stowed away in my suitcase, Garfield. - I'll bet you don't even know where we are. - A tourist trap would be a safe assumption.
ga810820 -- That's the trouble with vacation spots. - This hamburger is terrible! - What do you expect for a lousy $23,50?
ga810821 -- This is the life, Garfield. - You know you're on vacation when you see women in bikinis, hibiscus blossoms in the pool... - And la cucarachas in the sock drawer.
ga810822 -- Pardon me...I believe I dropped my nobel peace prize around here somewhere. Beat it, crap. - -
ga810823 -- Hey, Garfield, guess what? - The dog next door is being given a birthday party today. - This brick should make a spiffy gift. - - BONK! YIP! - YIP! Happy birthday, dog. - - Hello, doctor? Do you think you could surgically remove my cat from a
ga810823 -- dog?
ga810824 -- Hey, Garfield. It says here they are holding auditions for a cat food commercial. - Would you be interested? - Have my agent give the script a look-see.
ga810825 -- To win the cat food commercial audition you'll have to be a convincing eater. - Can you handle that? Are you kidding? - When it comes to eating, I'm a genius.
ga810826 -- Imagine me doing a cat food commercial. - Next there'll be the movie offers, the screaming fans, the limousines... - Belly, you and I are going places.
ga810827 -- Is this where my cat auditions for the cat food commercial? Yeh. - Hey, Larry. Break out the wide-angle lens. - If I don't get the part, the director is going to be sporting those shades up his right nostril.
ga810828 -- Okay, food commercial audition take one, action! That stuff looks awful. - CUT! - You're supposed to eat it, cat. What's my motivation`
ga810829 -- Okay, cat food commercial audition take two, action! - Yuk! - Mmph grp bruf What's the director saying, Garfield? Loosely translated, I don't fit the part.
ga810830 -- - Good morning, Garfield. - - - SLUP - * Good morning *
ga810831 -- Well, if it isn't Nermal, the Shirley Temple of the feline set. - How's it going, Nermal? Oh, about the same. I'm overadored as usual. -
ga810901 -- Do you know why I hate Nermal? - It's not because he's so young , tiny and cute... - He reminds me I'm so old, fat and ugly.
ga810902 -- - I can't reach that pie, Nermal. What say we team up? -
ga810903 -- Maybe I could be as popular as Nermal if I learned to dance. - - I think I hurt something.
ga810904 -- MINE! - - Yours.
ga810905 -- Sorry you have to leave so soon, Nermal. But, I wasn't... - - I'm not afraid of him wearing out his welcome. I don't want him to break in a new one.
ga810906 -- I'll have a steak, fries and a large Cola. - And my cat here will have an order or lasagna. - WHAP! - Make that a double order. - BONK! - Perhaps a triple order. - GOOSH! - Heck with it. Give him the whole pan. And give it wings.
ga810907 -- - SWIPE! - I hate mondays.
ga810908 -- Hee hee - HA HA HA! - When you're built low to the ground, a walk in the grass can be ticklish.
ga810909 -- Hello, tree. Hello, flowers. - Hello, apteryx. -
ga810910 -- There you have it, folks. - Medical science has a cure for almost everything but the common cold... - And the early morning stares.
ga810911 -- Surprise, Garfield! I got you a scratching post. Gee, thanks. - - scratch scratch scratch
ga810912 -- YAWN - ARRRGH! - Why are you wearing my reading glasses? All the better to scane you with, my dear.
ga810913 -- - - rats! - I went and did it again. - Here I am, doomed to die again. If I stay up here I'll starve. If I jump I'll become a cat pancake. I hope someone rescues me. - Stuck up th tree again, Garfield? Help! Help!
ga810914 -- Rats, I'd like to sleep in this morning, but I'm hungry too. - * - Z
ga810915 -- Go fetch the paper, Odie. - -
ga810916 -- Ha ha ha! What a great plot, fine acting, super photography. - I love commercials.
ga810917 -- - - You're no longer a kitten, Garfield.
ga810918 -- If cats can run up trees, why can't cats run DOWN trees as well? - - Garfield, you are very, very stupid.
ga810919 -- Owning a pet is ideal for single people. We have companionship without the hassle of raising a family. - - Wipe your feet before coming into the house! Okay, dad.
ga810920 -- - Shoo, mice. Get out of my vitamin pills. - Mice get into everything. - Somebody could chase them out of here. - I wonder why they wanted the vitamins? - It beats me.
ga810921 -- Guess what, Garfield? We are going back to the farm. - It will be nice to get back in touch with mother nature. - When you find her, give her my best.
ga810922 -- It will be nice seeing mon and dad on the farm. - Maybe we can help with the chores, Garfield. No way. - I'd get dizzy rotating the crops.
ga810923 -- I'm bored...bored, bored bored. Things could be worse I guess. - SPLOOT - Bingo.
ga810924 -- It's just my luck to fall into a hog waller. - Nothing is less appealing than a muddy cat. - Hello there, good lookin'. Oh shut up.
ga810925 -- How can you hogs stand to lie in a waller all day? - The mud keeps the flies off and keeps us cool. - And if we ever get out, the mud dries instantly.
ga810926 -- It's time to go home, Garfield. Let me knock that mud off you. - CRACK! - Thanks...I think.
ga810927 -- ROWR! - Aw, wadda matter? Did Puppy tat hurt his paw? Let me give it a kiss. - KISS - There we go. All better. - - Pooey! Where's the disinfectant?
ga810928 -- I'm bored...bored, bored, bored. I hat Monday. I hate routine. - - RUMBA RUMBA SNORT RIP It's going to be one of those weeks.
ga810929 -- Where is it written I have to act like a cat?! - Why can't I act like a moose instead? - Stop being silly, Garfield. - Careful, fella. I've gored people for less than that.
ga810930 -- Hello, I'm a bluebird. - Garfield, you're too big to be acting this way. But I'm small for a sperm whale. - I'm thinking of getting you some professional psychiatric help. You mean there are AMATEUR psychiatrists?
ga811001 -- Doctor, I'm afraid my cat is having a nervous breakdown. - Z - Breakdown, maybe...nervous, no.
ga811002 -- I've psychoanalyzed your cat, Mr. Arbuckle... - He's just fine. Great! - It's good to know you're normal, Garfield. My friends call me moon unit.
ga811003 -- I'm glad you passed your psychological examination, Garfield. Isn't it great to know you're normal like everyone else? - - FWEEE
ga811004 -- dial dial dial - Hello, Joe's Garage? Can you look at my car? - I'd like to bring him in for a checkup. But I just had one. - You'd better flush out his system... - Tighten his hoses. - Replace all the worn parts. - Oh yes, and have him
ga811004 -- reupholstered. - Garfield? Abu Dhabi
ga811005 -- I hate Monday...it marks the beginning of a long week of drudgery with no end in sight. - And I don't even have a job. - I'm just a social chameleon.
ga811006 -- Here comes Arlene. One look from those dewy eyes turns me into jelly. I'd go to the ends of the earth for her. - - Touch my teddy bear and you'll be picking those false eyelashes off the ceiling, lady.
ga811007 -- - RRRRR - I thought you asked me to dinner. Old habits are hard to break.
ga811008 -- I love those pointy little ears of yours and those luscious ruby red lips. - And I love listening to the melodic strains of the wind whistling through the gap between your front teeth. - You went one to far, fella. You're cute when you're
ga811008 -- angry.
ga811009 -- You know, Arlene, you are the second most beautiful cat I've ever met. - Who is she? - "Who is she?" she asks.
ga811010 -- Let's go mousing. You go ahead. - How about a good night kiss? Forget it. - Lips that touch mice will never touch mine.
ga811011 -- - Here, catch, Garfield. - - Good boy! - I think I hear the paperboy. - Now I'm going to catch the morning paper. - - Stupid weekend edition.
ga811012 -- - Okay, Mr. Cat. You caught me. Go ahead and eat me. Don't worry about the fact I have seven kids at home. - I'm not going to eat you. Go home. To seven screaming kids? What kind of monster are you?
ga811013 -- I hear mice spread filth and disease. - Do you believe everything you hear? Yes. - I hear swinging a dead cat over your head by the full moon at midnight brings good luck. Touche.
ga811014 -- Tell me, mouse, what do you do for a living? - I pose for anti-vermin posters. A cute mouse like you? - That's very good.
ga811015 -- Look, cat, you need a reason to be kept here and I need food. I'll show up infront of your owner and you chase me off. You'll have a job and I'll have a place to live. - Won't Jon get suspicious when I keep chasing the same mouse? - I'll wear
ga811015 -- different wigs. You thought of everything.
ga811016 -- GARFIELD! A MOUSE! urp - - You're making me look bad, mouse. I'm too full to run.
ga811017 -- Why don't we run out there and eat all the food? My owner won't let us. - Then let's kill him. - It is not wise to rub out the hand that feeds you. Can I nibble the toes out of his sweat socks?
ga811018 -- - You know, some foods are funnier than others. - Beets are funny. - Liver...not funny. - Prunes are funny, potatoes aren't. - Chicken, now, that's funny. - How about pickles and kumquats for lunch, Garfield? - WAH HA HA!
ga811019 -- - FOOM! - You know it's Monday when you discover a land mine in your breakfast.
ga811020 -- Cats have extraordinary powers of perception. I sense an evil presence in this room. - - Make that a STUPID presence.
ga811021 -- pick pick - pick pick - Well, well, What have we here? Call it a nervous habit. pick
ga811022 -- scratch scratch scratch - scratch scratch - Timber.
ga811023 -- I wouldn't say you're fat, Garfield, but if you went on a diet, two underdeveloped nations would have enough to eat. - 5-4-3-2-1- -
ga811024 -- - click ARRGH! - Sorry, Garfield. I wish you'd warn me
ga811025 -- AROOOOOO - EROWRRR SHUT UP, STUPID CAT - ROWRRR EITHER CLOSE YOUR MOUTH OR I'LL CLOSE IT FOR YOU. - - Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. - Dictionary
ga811026 -- Z - Z - Z
ga811027 -- Z - * - You know it's Monday when wake up and it's Tuesday.
ga811028 -- - One step closer and I'll put that tongue in a splint. - You gotta speak their language.
ga811029 -- Some people say I'm mean, but they never knew my uncle Nick. He used to eat whole chickens. - But uncle Nick wasn't very bright. One day he jumped an ostrich by mistake. - His last words were: "That's the biggest chicken I ever saw."
ga811030 -- I'm stuck! I may have to spend the rest of my life in bed! - POP! - Darn.
ga811031 -- Oboy, what a night. - Don't press it, Garfield.
ga811101 -- - - - CHUNG!
ga811102 -- BARK BARK BARK - - I hate mondays.
ga811103 -- Could it be Jon bought a new pair of slacks? - Yes, they're new all right. - No cat hairs.
ga811104 -- Garfield! I didn't know cats could play guitars. - Sure, cats are natural guitarists. - We have built in picks.
ga811105 -- - -
ga811106 -- Oboy! Pizza! - Uh-oh. - Okay, who's in there? Ain't nobody here but us anchovies.
ga811107 -- tap tap tap tap tap tap tap - Garfield, leave Odie alone. tap tap tap tap -  tap tap tap tap tap tap A guy tries to have a little fun.
ga811108 -- - Garfield will be in here any minute to wake me for breakfast. - He'll pry my eye open to see if I'm awake. - Then he will tap dance eon my head. - And then he'll sit on my chest and breathe in my face until I get up! - - OKAY! OKAY! - What
ga811108 -- did I do?
ga811109 -- Look, Garfield. Mom made a sweater for you. - - I've never liked your mother.
ga811110 -- - -
ga811111 -- Oh, Garfield. - What happened to my candy caramels? - Mon't mook at meef
ga811112 -- Look at that beautiful sunset, Garfield. - It's nice having you to share it with. - You have something in your eye? Yes, a little speck of sentiment.
ga811113 -- What's so special about a pet-owner relationship, Garfield? - Could it be everyone needs someone to lord over? Could be. - But what do YOU get out of it?
ga811114 -- You know, Garfield... - I wonder what people would do without cats? Wither away and die, I suspect. - I wonder what cats would do without people? who'd change our kitty litter?
ga811115 -- - Ha, ha. Okay, Odie. - Have a steak. - ZIP! - Oh, very well, Garfield. - Have some bacon and eggs, . SPLAT! -
ga811116 -- I, Garfield The Cat, resolve to spend the entire week in bed. - Oh sure, the going may get tough at times... - But my sheer will and determination should resist the temptation to get up.
ga811117 -- Spending a whole week in bed isn't as easy as it looks. - It takes preparation. - Did you bring the party mix, Pooky?
ga811118 -- Garfield, are you going to stay in bed all week? Yup. - Dinner is on the table. - I think I'm going to cry.
ga811119 -- Hey, Garfield...figure this one out... - How do you plan to stay in bed all week and yet come to dinner too? -
ga811120 -- Heh heh. Just look at that. Garfield has his bed and his food. He's in kitty heaven. Cats have such simple pleasures. - -
ga811121 -- Spending an entire week in bed was fun. - But I crave more variety than that. - Now I think I'll spend an entire week in this easy chair.
ga811122 -- - - - - - - -
ga811123 -- BAT - FWIP FWIP FWIP - I'm beginning to dread mondays.
ga811124 -- So I'm stuck in a window blind, big deal. - The pain and humiliation I can handle. - It's losing the air of dignity that kills me.
ga811125 -- - -
ga811126 -- I'd cry out for help. - But I couldn't handle that. - Predicaments are embarrassing only when noticed by someone else.
ga811127 -- I'm going to get you out, Garfield. - But I'd like to do it without hurting the window blind. - It's things like this that let you know where you stand in life.
ga811128 -- VOILA! One cat out of the blind! - There's no need to thank me, Garfield. -
ga811129 -- - FLICK - AYIEEEEE - Z - Z -
ga811130 -- Here I am, Nermal, the world's cutest kitten! - What makes you think you're so cute? Simple, ALL kittens are cute until they grow into cats and become ugly. - I didn't have to hear that. I tell it like it is, baby cakes.
ga811201 -- I wonder how Nermal can stay so cute after all these years? - pat pat pat - I thought so. Mud Pack
ga811202 -- FOLD FOLD - Can I play too? Sure...grab hold. -
ga811203 -- SLEEP ON MY TEDDY BEAR, WILL YOU?! Z - Z - I wish I could do that. Z
ga811204 -- Garfield, I get the impression you don't like Nermal. - Nonsense. I love Nermal. - I JUST LOVE NERMAL! Uh...uh, Garfield.
ga811205 -- Hey, Nermal. Wanna race to the front door? - You win. SLAM
ga811206 -- - - - - - What are you doing back in bed, Garfield? It's not even noon yet. As far as I'm concerned, the day is over.
ga811207 -- Hey, Garfield. Let's spend today celebrating all that's good in mankind. - Let's do a good deed for a stranger, stop and smell a flower and compliment a friend. - That's a heavy thing to lay on a cat first thing in the morning.
ga811208 -- My what a nice looking tie. - What are you? Some kind of weirdo or something? - Some people aren't very nice, are they, Garfield? Welcome to planet earth, Jon.
ga811209 -- What's your philosophy of life, Garfield? - All the world's a cookie jar, and all the men and women merely crumbs. - And how do you feel about yourself? - I happen to be one of the chocolate chips.
ga811210 -- Isn't it a glorious morning, Garfield? Big, fat, hairy deal. - You know, Garfield, I have the feeling you're a cat with a little cynic in you. That's not true! - I'm a cynic with a little cat around me.
ga811211 -- Maybe Jon's right. Maybe I am to cynical. Maybe the world isn't as stupid as I think. - - Nah.
ga811212 -- Looking good, Garfield. - You still have it, you rascal. - An active imagination is a good thing.
ga811213 -- - Time passes slowly on a weekend. - A fly crawls up the wall. - One of those iridescent flies of fall. - Time passes slowly on a weekend. - That's my Jon. He's raised boredom to an art form.
ga811214 -- Actually, doctor, my cat doesn't need a checkup. - It was just an excuse to see you again. - Garfield! I didn't know you cared. No...me, doc...me.
ga811215 -- Tell me doc, if we were married, - would you be Mrs. Jon Arbuckle, or doctor Mrs. Jon Arbuckle, or Mrs. doctor Liz Arbuckle, or... - I hate to see a grown doctor cry.
ga811216 -- How about a date, Liz? And what do you have in mind? - I'd love to just hold your hand and gaze into your eyes. - I like that. It's amazing the headway you can make when you stop playing games.
ga811217 -- Tonight I am going to take Liz out SOLO. You are staying home, Garfield. - Where's my favorite tie? - I get to go with you, and the tie lives. What say we double date, old buddy?
ga811218 -- Good evening, Liz. I have a wonderful time planned for us. - We'll have dinner, go to a movie, and many more things too numerous to mention. - You brought the cat. That was one of the unmentionables.
ga811219 -- Thank you for a lovely date, Jon. - kiss - Yah tah tah tah, yah tah tah tah Human love...it's so glandular.
ga811220 -- - Huh, now where could the birds be? - I was looking forward to a mid-morning snack. - They must be elsewhere. - I guess I'll check back later. - GASP!
ga811221 -- I'm the kind of person who must see something to believe it. - - Yup, Newton was right.
ga811222 -- Oh no! Pooky! Where's your eye? - Don't worry, old buddy. I'll get you fixed up. - There's nothing more pathetic than a teddy bear with no depth perception.
ga811223 -- What would you like for Christmas, Garfield? World peace. - - Seriously though. - How about another button for Pooky here?
ga811224 -- And here's something for jolly old Saint Nick. - - Ho ho ho.
ga811225 -- Christmas spirit... - It's not the giving. It's not the receiving. - It's the loving. Merry Christmas.
ga811226 -- What a nice Christmas. I got an eye for my teddy bear, sand for my sandbox, and a new blanket. - This is what happiness is all about... - Security.
ga811227 -- Jon's mother certainly knows how to humiliate a guy. - This unraveled thread should be my ticket out of this sweater. - - - FREE! I'm FREE! - click click click Aw, mom.
ga811228 -- I wonder what today is? - I'm putting you on a diet today, Garfield. - Hellooo, Monday.
ga811229 -- Garfield! You can't eat that candy. It's too fattening. - - How many calories can it have for 59 cents?
ga811230 -- I've discovered the secret to dieting with no discomfort. - Don't move a muscle. - Eat no calories, burn no calories.
ga811231 -- Congratulations, Jon. Your cat has just made dieting medical history. How so? - He's suffering from sugar withdrawal... - And grease withdrawal, and starch withdrawal... And withdrawal withdrawal...
ga820101 -- I HAVE IT! - I'll make a million dollars. - Sympathy cards for dieters.
ga810102 -- Just what is a diet? - A diet is self-denial. - Fortunately, I'm such a swell fellow I haven't the heart to deny myself anything.
ga820103 -- Rise'n'shine, old buddy. Z - There's a bright new day out there, with new challenges. - Have some food. - Have some water. - YEA, GARFIELD! GET OUT THERE AND LIVE LIFE FOR ALL IT'S WORTH! CHARGE, BOY! - There's nothing tougher than
ga820103 -- kick-starting a cat.
ga820104 -- boing boing - Ha ha, aren't you cute! Here, have some food. - I hate myself when I do that.
ga820105 -- Did I ever tell you about my weird uncle Roy? He had a species change operation. He had himself changed to a dog. - It was tragic. - He chased himself to death.
ga820106 -- Here's how to handle a fierce animal. - Show no fear. - And show no pain.
ga820107 -- If I'm quiet enough I should be able to prepare this lasagna all for myself. - Hark! Isn't that the sound of a lasagna noodle being laid on a bed of ricotta cheese? - Uncanny. Come on, come on. Bake that dude.
ga820108 -- I think I'll do some caterwauling tonight. - CRASH! - HOLD IT! WAIT TILL I'M ON THE FENCE, YOU TWIT!
ga820109 -- For my first selection, I'd like to... - CHUKUNG! - Obviously, sir, you are not a patron of the arts!
ga820110 -- Hello there, Nermal. - Garfield! Where's Nermal? You didn't stuff him in that breadbox did you? - Thank heavens! - - What kind of an animal does Jon think I am? - Urf Shut up, Odie.
ga820111 -- - - Garfield! What happened! - Quick! Get the license number of that dog!
ga820112 -- - - Any sudden moves toward my food bowl can get you into a heap of trouble, boy.
ga820113 -- - - What the... Ribbit.
ga820114 -- Choose your weapon, Odie. - We shall now duel with newspapers. - At one pace! WHAP!
ga820115 -- Near miss. - Near miss. - Direct hit.
ga820116 -- Okay, Odie, you have your polled up newspaper. I have mine. Let's have at it! - WHAP! - Weekend edition.
ga820117 -- - BARK! SPLAT! - I really envy you, Odie. - - POW - Imagine...the first house pet on the moon.
ga820118 -- - Good morning... - ...Garfield. Caffeine makes me nervous.
ga820119 -- - Odie! Dogs can't climb trees! - It's amazing what one can accomplish when one doesn't know what one can't do.
ga820120 -- How are you boys going to get out of the tree? - I don't know how I'm getting out of the tree. - As for Odie...
ga820121 -- Hey, Garfield, how are you going to get out of that tree! - Boing! Boing! - Why, by using my head...and Jon's, and Odie's.
ga820122 -- Look, Garfield, a robin's nest. You can tell it by the eggs. That's nothing. - Look over here. - A cow's nest.
ga820123 -- Oh-oh. I got a nibble! - - Darn, jerked too hard again.
ga820124 -- - Here I am in the land of large breakfasts. - This giant pancake sure tastes good. - - What a nice dream. - Where's my blanket?
ga820125 -- Grandma, this is my cat, Garfield. Well it'll be! Heavens to Betsy! Land o' Goshen! - I remember back when all we had were wood-burning cats. - What won't they think of next?! Bizzare.
ga820126 -- You know, Garfield, to make it through this old life, you have to be a little crazy. You said it, grandma. - Why, just look at me. - I talk to cats.
ga820127 -- Hello, Garfield. - Out of the way, dog! - I think I love you.
ga820128 -- My Hubby passed away 31 years ago, Garfield. - I don't know what I would have done without my cats. - I've wiled away many a lonely hour rocking and stroking my cats. I envy those cats.
ga820129 -- You're looking a little stiff, Garfield. - What you need is a lemon tea rub and a glass of hot horse liniment. - Or is that a liniment rub and a glass of hot lemon tea?
ga820130 -- Grandma's leaving now, Garfield. - So long, grandma. So long, Garfield. - You liked her didn't you, Garfield? Back when they made her, things were built to last.
ga820131 -- rrrr - GARFIELD! LUNCH TIME! - GARFIELD! WHERE ARE YOU? - - SCREEE - It is time for you to eat, majesty. If I must.
ga820201 -- - KABOOM - I hate mondays.
ga820202 -- - -
ga820203 -- Snack attack! - Maybe just a sandwich. - One ham on rye coming up.
ga820204 -- A banana has two uses. - Food... - and entertainment.
ga820205 -- Look at that beautiful rainbow, Garfield. - Just think. At the end of each rainbow is a pot of gold. - There's nothing like a healthy respect for mother nature laced with a little greed.
ga820206 -- - I like you, Odie. - In the catnip again, Garfield?
ga820207 -- Pooky, with your help we should get Jon's steak dinner tonight. - Don't worry, old buddy. I'll sew you back up when we're done. - - tap tap - - Let me get this straight...you say your cat's teddy bear ate your dinner? Biggest appetite for a
ga820207 -- teddy bear I've ever seen.
ga820208 -- Eat that or else, Garfield. - I think I'll... - else.
ga820209 -- - -
ga820210 -- Be careful! - We'll all be killed! - I haven't started the car yet, Garfield. That's it! Let me out.
ga820211 -- - - I didn't want my sundae to melt while I was eating it.
ga820212 -- CLICK! - SHOOP! - Faster than the speed of dark.
ga820213 -- - - My ivory-stemmed, mother-of-pearl inlaind meerschaum! My blow toy.
ga820214 -- You know you're a very lucky cat, Garfield. - You have just about everything a cat could want. - You have your sanctum sanctorum. My hidey-hole. - You have your teddy bear. My confidant. - You have your dog. My scratching post. - And you have
ga820214 -- me, your loving companion. My food-fixer and litter box changer.
ga820215 -- - - We must do something about your breath, Garfield. It's not my fault you left the garlic cheese out last night.
ga830216 -- Rather than fix your breakfast every day, Garfield, I've decided to let you serve yourself. - - Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.
ga820217 -- I don't believe I ate that whole bag of cat food. - I'd better jog some of this tummy off. -
ga820218 -- I really don't like myself when I'm this fat. - swipe! - I can't even enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
ga820219 -- Sit up, Garfield. Sit up. - - Sad.
ga820220 -- Oboy! My feet can touch the floor again! - - Garfield, Garfield, Garfield.
ga820221 -- What a dysmal day. - I hate rain. - I hate spiders. - SPIDERS?! - - I hate spiders more than I hate rain.
ga820222 -- - - I hate mondays.
ga820223 -- - - Just staying in shape in case I ever get that hungry.
ga820224 -- What time is it, Garfield? - - What am I doing? A can't tell time.
ga820225 -- Dear Garfield, My dog chases my cat all over the home. How can I make them get along? - There's only one sure way to improve their relationship. - Shoot the dog.
ga820226 -- - Okay, Garfield. One bite. -
ga820227 -- Cough cough. - GASP! - Okay, no more dry cat food.
ga820228 -- Phobias are funny things. - I am absolutely fearless except where spiders are concerned. - Hello, snake. - How are you? - Isn't that strange? Spiders scare me, but snakes don't scare me. - NOW snakes scare me.
ga820301 -- Dinner is ready, Garfield. - I moved the table over here.
ga820302 -- CRUNCH - crunch crunch crunch - That frozen pizza would be much better if you baked it first.
ga820303 -- Here, Odie. - - I got you a rubber bone.
ga820304 -- - -
ga820305 -- smack! slurp! - You have the manners of a pig, Garfield. Slow down and spit out the seeds. - rata tata tata tata
ga820306 -- - -
ga820307 -- What do you think, Garfield? Don't ask. - There's nothing like camping out in cold weather. That's for sure. - As the temperature drops, the circulation gets going. And the feet get numb. - This is nature at her best! I'd settle for less. - We
ga820307 -- have everything...our fire, our shelter... - Our coffee on a stick.
ga820308 -- What a dismal day. I think I'll stay in bed all day. - Good morning, Garfield. It's a beautiful day today. - What a beautiful day. I think I'll stay in bed all day.
ga820309 -- Hey, Garfield, you know the dog next door? What a loser. A real jerk. I hate him. - He moved away yesterday. - A prince of a dog. I'll miss him, The neighborhood won't be the same without him.
ga820310 -- - AHCHOO! - sniff Gesundheit.
ga820311 -- And now a word from our sponsor. - ZOOM - Welcome back.
ga820312 -- Okay, Odie, you push the cake off and I'll catch it. - DON'T TIP IT! DON'T TIP IT! - You tipped it.
ga820313 -- - PUNT - Have you kicked your dog today?
ga820314 -- Hey, Garfield, my pictures just came in. Whoopty-doo. - I love pictures. Paper memories of plastic people. - What's this? - - - - - You've been playing with my camera again, haven't you, Garfield? Who me? The Leonardo da Vinci of the
ga820314 -- shutterbug set?
ga820315 -- - -
ga820316 -- Z - Z - Mmmph fmoph fweef That is correct. It is time to get up.
ga820317 -- - MAD DOG! MAD DOG! - Stay out of my whipped cream, Odie.
ga820318 -- Garfield has the unique ability to hear a can opener from anywhere in the house. - Wha... -
ga820319 -- Here's a new cat food. See what you think, Garfield. sniff - - What are you doing? With all this horse meat, there has to be a pony here somewhere.
ga820320 -- Odie's asleep and nobody's watching. Z - pat pat - I keep my affection in the closet. Z
ga820321 -- - - - Last one in's a rotten egg! - - You first, Pooky. - Back flip! -
ga820322 -- ROWR - BOOT - And now for the main attraction.
ga820323 -- Testing, one, two. Testing, one, two. ROWR - Can you hear me there in the back? - Good.
ga820324 -- I love show business. Gimme the full moon. Gimme the fence. - KAWHOCK! - Gimme the broken teeth. Gimme the multiple lacerations.
ga820325 -- 'cause momma was a great old gallll *MROOW* - - Thank you for that large round of indifference.
ga820326 -- What's the difference between a dog and an eggplant? - About three IQ points. - BAP! BOP! BOOP!
ga820327 -- tappity tappity tappity - - Okay...who waxed the fench?
ga820328 -- - CHOMP! SLURP! GULP! - - - Z - Stay out of my dreams.
ga820329 -- - peep peep peep peep peep peep - It looks like there will be a bumper crop of cat food this year.
ga820330 -- - - I wish Odie would finish what he starts.
ga820331 -- - - Bone breath!
ga820401 -- - - Too much rope.
ga820402 -- - Don't you dare walk across the table with those muddy feet. -
ga820403 -- * - * - I must have a blown fuse.
ga820404 -- I'm gonna have some fun with this boomerang. - Fetch the stick, Odie. - - The dumb cluck will never catch that boomerang. - GAWANGA! - -
ga820405 -- - - It looks as though I'm on another diet.
ga820406 -- RRRRRR - ROWR! - Not good.
ga820407 -- When I diet, I get mean. - - When I diet, I also get weak.
ga820408 -- Oh, no! Pooky's broken a stitch! - WAHHHH! - When I diet, I get emotional.
ga820409 -- Uh-oh - -
ga820410 -- When I'm off this diet, I'm going to eat lasagna, cake, ice cream, mashed potatoes... - - I just gained two pounds!
ga820411 -- sproing - FOOM! - - boink - BEEP! BEEP! - BZT - Just as I thought. All the warranties expired yesterday.
ga820412 -- Hey, Arlene, gimme a kiss. - KISS - It's time I reevaluated my previously hard-line stand against declawing cats.
ga820413 -- What say we go find something to eat? Is that all you think about-food? - Of course not, love... - This business of sleeping holds a great deal of fascination for me. A real renaissance man.
ga820414 -- Food, food, food, is that all you think about, Garfield? That's about it. - So what am I, chopped liver? - Don't flatter yourself. He certainly knows how to make a girl feel good.
ga820415 -- Do you know what I like about women? - They are so soft. - Come to think of it...
ga820416 -- PURRR - PURRR - Sorry about that, Arlene.
ga820417 -- Okay, Garfield. - I caught the mouse and ate it. - You can open your eyes now.
ga820418 -- Well, well, what have we here? - You're lucky this fence is between us, dog. - Come on, put 'em up. - Take that! BOP! - Hey, chicken, come back here and fight like a man. - - You had to paint the gate today. SMACK!
ga820419 --  Let's go for a walk, Garfield. - It's going to be a beautiful day for a stroll. - Jon should have been a meteorologist.
ga820420 -- - I think Odie's getting a idea. - * Odie's not too bright.
ga820421 -- I'm so clever. - Some bird is really going to be surprised. - As well as some cat. sniff sniff
ga820422 -- What's that? - There must be a leak in the roof. - If it isn't a leak in the roof, I don't want to know what it is.
ga820423 -- Would you like a steak, Odie? - -You didn't say, "may I?"
ga820424 -- Hey, Odie, how about a free trip to Loose Tooth City? - WHIRRRR! - I gotta cut back on my follow-through.
ga820425 -- Z - Z - - Don't worry, Odie, old buddy. I'll get you down. Ork Ork - - PTU! POW! - Close enough.
ga820426 -- I love television. - Where else can you see significant world events? Where else can you see the great opera and ballet? - Where else can you see Lorenzo the Woodchuck race a steam locomotive over Ricky the Rat?
ga820427 -- Why all this flap about television? - They say families don't visit anymore... - Why, that's what commercials are for.
ga820428 -- I consider television a worthwhile pursuit. - Why, watching daytime television is even better than...uh...better...than... - I hate talking myself into corners.
ga820429 -- Welcome to the Rocky Oxnard - SHOW - .... .... .... .. . I always turn the volume knob the wrong way.
ga820430 -- - - I gotta fix that vertical hold.
ga820501 -- We'll be right back after this word from our sponsor. - "Sasquatch" - Welcome back.
ga820502 -- - I just got comfortable, Garfield. Do you ABSOLUTELY have to be let out? - Oh, yes. - Very well, then. - Sucker.
ga820503 -- Guess where we're going, Garfield? To a hayseed convention? - Yesiree, we're gonna see mom and dad on the farm. We're gonna slop the pigs and pluck the chickens, boy howdy. We're gonna have us a time. - That is, if your father doesn't beat
ga820503 -- the heck out of you for doing that stupid stereotype.
ga820504 -- Mom! - Son! - Son? Mom?
ga820505 -- How have you been, mom? Never mind that. - Here, eat, eat, eat. - You're my kind of woman.
ga820506 -- Then, once the potato is dug up, it is sliced, deep-fried, salted and bagged. voila, you have your potato chip. - I hate knowing where food comes from... - All the magic is gone.
ga820507 -- Hurry up with that hay, son. Supper's waitin' - Son? - Long time, no farm, huh, Jon?
ga820508 -- We had fun visiting the farm, didn't we, Garfield? Speak for yourself, Jon. - It's great getting back to basics, putting your hands in old mother earth. - But I'll never get these fingernails clean. A real man of the land.
ga820509 -- - screeee crunch! - yabba! yabba! yabba! - sock! - Human beings...why do they yell at each other? Why do they hurt each other? - URF! - What do YOU know? WOING!
ga820510 -- Just what is a Monday? - plip - Monday is a day designed to add depression to an otherwise happy week.
ga820511 -- Just what is life? Life is a lot like a hot bath. - It feels good while you're in it. - But the longer you stay...the more wrinkled you get.
ga820512 -- Just what is television? - Television not only gives the eyeballs something to do. - But it's a socially acceptable excuse to snack.
ga820513 -- Just what is a goldfish? - A goldfish is an aquatic expression of beauty and grace that provides its observers with many hours of blissful meditation. - It also makes a darn fine breakfast.
ga820514 -- Just what is a dog? - Let me put it this way... - If a dog were a faucet, it would leak.
ga820515 -- Just what is a cat? A cat is a furry animal, complete with dog nibblers and furniture shredders. - HACK! - The hairballs in the throat are also standard equipment.
ga820516 -- - - SPLAT! - - - SPLOOSH - Why is it cats chase butterflies? Is it instinct, or is it just stupidity? - - Probably stupidity.
ga820517 -- YAWN - - What happened to you? I got up on the wrong side of the bed.
ga820518 -- - CHUG! - You're a real bear until you've had your first cup of coffee, aren't you? And then I'm the sweetest so-and-so around.
ga820519 -- Let's go for a walk, Garfield. I'm not going for a walk. - You're going for a walk. I'm not going for a walk. - YOU'RE GOING FOR A WALK IF I HAVE TO CARRY YOU! I can't argue with that logic.
ga820520 -- You really should think about jogging, Garfield. It's 50% mental, you know. It is? - GREAT! - Jog, jog, jog, jog, jog, jog, pant, pant, sweat. - I'll work on the other 50% some other time.
ga820521 -- I'll cut the lasagna in two pieces, and you take first pick. - - It's getting cold, Garfield.
ga820522 -- - - They don't make trees like they used to.
ga820523 -- * - (click) EEEEEEEE! - (click) You know, pleasure motors. - (click) - (click) Hi yuh, kids! - PIC A STATION AND STAY WITH IT, GARFIELD. click!
ga820524 -- - blut blut blut blut blut - When are you going to learn to control that temper of yours, Garfield? The exact same instant they invent an easy pouring catsup.
ga820525 -- Any cat can use a bottle opener. - But it takes a real man to use his teeth. - A real STUPID man.
ga820526 -- What are you planting, Garfield? - - Birdseed?
ga820527 -- ODIE! CUT THAT OUT! OWOOO - AROOO - EROOW
ga820528 -- - What this dog needs is a poomp. - POOMP
ga820529 -- ROW!! - EROOOO - Good morning, Garfield. I'm sorry. Did I wake you?
ga820530 -- - - - SNAP - - BLAT! - Is it windy out, Garfield? Not so you'd notice.
ga820531 -- - -
ga820601 -- - -
ga820602 -- - -
ga820603 -- lap lap lap - lap lap -
ga820604 -- Ah ah ah - WAH-CHOO! - sniff
ga820605 -- Ah ha ah - WAH-CHOO! -
ga820606 -- - - I love you, bunny rabbit. - I love you too, deer. - I love you all . What the...? I brought some friends home for dinner.
ga820607 -- Let's see, what should I do this week? - BARK! - Bingo.
ga820608 -- Here I am just swaying in the breeze like so much laundry put out to dry. - Suspended from a tree limb like an orange ripening in the sun. - Poetic, yes, but I doubt if it's material for an action-packed mystery thriller.
ga820609 -- Boy, my arms are getting tired. - -
ga820610 -- Good! Here comes help! - Hang in there, baby. Ha ha. - I can see the headlines: "Cat kills jocular passer-by".
ga820611 -- I can't believe I've been hanging in this tree all week. - - Now I can.
ga820612 -- - Getting out of this tree will be simpler than I thought. -
ga820613 -- Hello. - Haven't we met somewhere before? Perhaps a pasta place in Palermo? - What's that? Oh no, my dear. Even though you are just a lasagna, I admire you for this mind. - You know I can't resist you when you wear garlic sauce on your
ga820613 -- noodles. - This could be the start of a long and meaningful relationship. - - I despise long engagements.
ga820614 -- Wow. I'm going to be four years old this saturday. - It's time to reflect upon my accomplishments. It's time to reminisce about good times... - It's time to lie about my age.
ga820615 -- Face it, Garfield, you're not getting any younger. - I wish there were something I could do about the aging process. - I'd do sit-ups, but I couldn't stand the noise.
ga820616 -- - Yawn. - You know you're getting older when your favorite late night show is the six o'clock news.
ga820617 -- - -
ga820618 -- It hardly seems possible I'm celebrating my fourth birthday tomorrow. - BARK! SPLAT! - Time flies when you're having fun.
ga820619 -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GARFIELD! - GULP! - Maybe you should have blown the candles out first.
ga820620 -- - - - - YAWN - - Did you ever have a time when you wish your pets could speak?
ga820621 -- - Hello. I'm Nermal, the world's cutest kitten, here to do cute kitten things in order to charm the pants off your owner and point out how uncute you are. - I hate Monday.
ga820622 -- Gimme that. - I fail to see what's so cute about yarn. - Or kittens for that matter.
ga820623 -- - Gee, since Nermal isn't here, I'll eat his food, too. -
ga820624 -- Okay, Nermal, go ahead and jump. - I'll have you out of there in two shakes of a cat's tail. - Or is that two shakes of a lamb's tail?
ga820625 -- Come on, Nermal. Let's fight. - ROWR! - What a revolting development this is.
ga820626 -- Let's have some fun, Nermal. - I'll tie you in nice and safe. - See yuh.
ga820627 -- - SPLUT - Don't you dare laugh. I hate it when someone has a laugh at my expense. - SPLAT - If I laugh, Garfield will kill me. If I don't laugh, I'll burst. - WAH HA HA HA! - Ha ha ha, whee.
ga820628 -- - - It's time you go on another diet, Garfield.
ga820629 -- Just what is a diet? - A diet is too little of a good thing. A diet is making a molehill out of a mountain. - A diet is the subject of a lot of stupid platitudes.
ga820630 -- I hate diets. - I'd get out of bed to have breakfast. - But it's not worth the trip.
ga820701 -- I'm strong. I can handle this diet. - sniff - Then why do I feel like I've just lost my best friend?
ga820702 -- That apple is all you're getting for dinner, Garfield. - -
ga820703 -- Gimme food. Lots of it. And right now. - Yes, sir. - Two adjectives never used to describe a cat are: "wishy" and "washy".
ga820704 -- I'm bored...bored, bored, bored. - There must be more to life than this. I'm going to find some excitement. - YUK! - You're out of your territory, aren't you, fella? - Hello there, stray cat. - - Where have you been? Cultivating a healthy
ga820704 -- dislike for excitement.
ga820705 -- In our fast-paced world, relaxation is practically a lost art. - Z - Practically.
ga820706 -- Here you go, Garfield. Table scraps! - SPLAT! - That's dog food.
ga820707 -- Aren't you cute. - ROWR! - Why, you vicious brute! What happened to "cute"?
ga820708 -- This is a Garfield push-up. - Z - One.
ga820709 -- - - Don't look in here, Jon. It's not a pretty sight.
ga820710 -- I wish Jon would get married. - FWEEE - The only way he knows my dinner is ready, is when it sets off the smoke alarm.
ga820711 -- - - - - - Touch my food and you're one dead dog.
ga820712 -- My fear of mondays is really childish. - I must learn to face them like a man. - You first, Pooky.
ga820713 -- What's that you say, little fella? - Oh, very well. I'll hold you. - Pooky needs me.
ga820714 -- GOBBLE! SMACK! SLURP! - GARFIELD! Uh-oh. - Stay right where you are or the teddy bear gets it.
ga820715 -- You lead a very special life, Pooky. - You don't have to fight within dogs. You don't have to sleep. You don't have to eat. - I feel sorry for you.
ga820716 -- - - I know, I know.
ga820717 -- - -
ga820718 -- * - * - Did you whistle at my girl? No, sir. I didn't. - ROWR! - It was my cat! It was my cat! - Well, I hope you're happy. *
ga820719 -- It's been a long time since I heard a good "splut" - PUNT - SPLUT
ga820720 -- BARK! splut - - BARK! splut
ga820721 -- Garfield, I wouldn't say you're fat... - But Herman Melville wants to write a book about you. - SPLUT
ga820722 -- Uh-oh! Too hard! - Why haven't those eggs come down? Maybe they stuck to the ceiling. Maybe I should look. - SPLUT
ga820723 -- splut splut - blat blat blat - SPLUT
ga820724 -- No one knows the trepidation I feel knowing somewhere out there is a "splut" with my name on it. - Oop! - SPLUT
ga820725 -- Surprise, Garfield! - There are prizes at the bottom of the cat food. - BANZAI! - munch munch - munch munch - tweet tweet - tweet tweet
ga820726 -- Just what is prowling? Let me show you. - This is walking. - This is prowling.
ga820727 -- Nobody knows just why cats love to prowl at night. - BONK! - And neither do I.
ga820728 -- Say there, little lady, what are you doing out on a night like this? Going for a stroll. - You'd better sty by old Garfield's side. The night is fraught with peril. -
ga820729 -- Nighttime is magic to cats. Cats are very comfortable with darkness. - KLUNK KLUNK - Especially if their darn flashlights don't work.
ga820730 -- - ARRRGH! - You're supposed to be on my side!
ga820731 -- What should I do this weekend? - CLICK! - I think I'll just sit around and blink a lot.
ga820801 -- - - YAWN - - - - I hate to eat alone.
ga820802 -- I hate Monday...something bad always happens to me on Monday. It's just a matter of time now... - The suspense is killing me. - DO IT TO ME NOW, MONDAY! GET IT OVER WITH!
ga820803 -- Life is like a poker game. - If you don't win... - You lose.
ga820804 -- YAWN - twang twang - Have you ever awakened with a whisker you just couldn't do anything with?
ga820805 -- - BARK - I hate dogs.
ga820806 -- It's dinner time, Garfield. - GARFIEEELD BONG! BONG! BONG! - You rang?
ga820807 -- I wonder what this machine is. click - whirrrr ZIP SPLAT - It's obviously some sort of cat torture device.
ga820808 -- The time is right. - This looks like the perfect spot for a clandestine rendezvous. - Here comes my double agent now. - Eeeawwkey, 43, and the letter c - an infant in your lap may dampen your spirits. - Uh-oh! It's counter intelligence! -
ga820808 -- Down in front, Garfield. QUIET, YOU FOOL! YOU COULD BLOW MY COVER!
ga820809 -- Hmmm. A hollow stump with a thing in it...I gotta find out what it is. rrrr - RRRRRRR - Tuesday.
ga820810 -- Even though "curiosity killed the cat" is just a silly superstition, I must know what's in this stump. rrrr - ROAR! rip! chomp SNORT! - Ha ha ha, silly me.
ga820811 -- I'm going to give that thing in the stump a taste of this rock. - Munch, munch, ptooey! - I didn't know stones had bones. burp
ga820812 -- All right, whatever you are, come out of there! rrrr - You? A mouse was making all that noise? - This stump has really great acoustics.
ga820813 -- I can't believe you were the thing in the stump that's been scaring me all week. - Why, I'm gonna... - Down, Guido, down.
ga820814 -- I've learned my lesson. I'm not messing with things in hollow stumps again. rrrr - I'm going home where it's safe. - rrrr rrr Oh, no.
ga820815 -- It's show time! - Some day I'm gonna be the greatest caterwauler in the world. They're gonna call me "Cats Wauler". - ROWR! - CHUKONG! - AROOO - WHOCK! - Why do you do it, Garfield? Dues. I'm just paying my dues.
ga820816 -- crunch crunch crunch - I know you're hungry, Garfield. crunch crunch - But what say I boil that spaghetti first? It is a tad firm.
ga820817 -- I'll see you later, Garfield. I'm going to the supermarket. - Let's see...I have my shopping list, my keys... - Don't forget your shopping bag.
ga820818 -- Supermarkets are like a giant United Nations of Food. - You have coffee from Brazil, cheese from France, beef from Australia... - And lasagna from heaven.
ga820819 -- One frozen lasagna. - Two frozen pizzas. - One frozen pasta freak.
ga820820 -- Whew! Last trip. - GULP! SNORT! RIP! MUNCH - DARN YOU, GARFIELD! Now I have to go back to the store. Not on my account, really.
ga820821 -- Oh, boy, do I love food. - If I couldn't eat food, I'd just die. - Sage, Garfield, sage.
ga820822 -- - Holy moley! - Here, boy, sniff. - - CHOMP - RRRRRRR - Dogs, you can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em.
ga820823 -- I'm hungry...nah, I'm too tired to be hungry...nah, I'm too depressed to be tired. - Yup. - It's Monday.
ga820824 -- Rats...I can't shake this deep blue funk I'm in. - No doubt about it... - This week is gonna be one long Monday.
ga820825 -- Oh boy am I depressed. I'm fat, I'm lazy, nobody likes me... - Good morning, ol' buddy. It's another beautiful day. - Quiet. I'm on a roll.
ga820826 -- Nobody likes me. What's the matter with you, Garfield? - I SAID NOBODY LIKES ME! WHOCK! BONK! - Nobody likes me, and nobody listens anymore.
ga820827 -- I'm starting to lose my depression. I gotta do something. - - Much better.
ga820828 -- I love you, Garfield. Leave me alone. I want to be depressed. - Tickle! Tickle! Tickle! Hee hee - Feel better, Garfield? I'll get you for this, Jon.
ga820829 -- - It seems like I've been lost in this jungle for days with nothing to eat. - I'd eat berries, but there's no sugar and cream. - Where's a four-star french restaurant when you need one? - FOOD! - - Dr. Livingston, I presume.
ga820830 -- Look out, world! Here comes the caped avenger! - Oh, sure, super-hero crime fighters make for an old, overused story line... - But have you ever heard of a fat, weak one?
ga820831 -- The caped avenger steps into the seamy underworld and reasserts his noble code. - "I will seek out evil wherever it may lurk and destroy it". - Unless, of course, there is the slightest possibility of harm to my person.
ga820901 -- - -
ga820902 -- dribble dribble dribble The caped avenger must pummel this evil dog. - - dribble dribble dribble - The caped avenger displays a rare show of compassion.
ga820903 -- The caped avenger spots some evil that must be severely dealt with. - WHAM! BIFF! BAM! - The caped avenger would be a more effective crime fighter if he didn't have to use one hand to hold his cape up.
ga820904 -- This cape is the source of my power, the source of my identity. - - The source of my security.
ga820905 -- * - * - - Oh my, what a beautiful baby! - Normally I don't like babies... - But this one is special. - I'm such a sentimental slob.
ga820906 -- This week I'm going to change my ways. I'm going to begin by no longer hating mondays. - I'm crazy about mondays. I just love mondays. - Now I'm only fond of mondays.
ga820907 -- I resolve to stop being fat, lazy and cynical. I shall now rise at an early hour. - - Z
ga820908 -- As long as I'm improving myself this week, I might as well try to get along with Odie. - Come here, Odie. Give me a big hug. - Yuk.
ga820909 -- I shall now use sheer willpower to resist eating that hamburger. - Unnngh - WAH! I'm beginning to worry about Garfield.
ga820910 -- This self-improvement bit is beginning to bug me. I feel like a goody-two-shoes. - Maybe my old personality wasn't all that bad... - The gluttony, laziness and cynism lent a little texture.
ga820911 -- I'm sick of this self-improvement kick. - I'M FAT, I'M LAZY AND I'M CYNICAL! - I admire that in a cat.
ga820912 -- - WHAP! - chuking - Catch, Garfield. - BONK! - - Ever have a day when your timing was all off?
ga820913 -- OH, NO! - I am DEFINITELY not getting out of bed today. - Not on Monday the 13th.
ga820914 -- - -
ga820915 -- Yuk! - Although cats are finicky eaters... - "Hunger strike" isn't exactly in our vocabulary.
ga820916 -- fwip - - I don't understand you, Garfield. Where's your sense of adventure?
ga820917 -- - Gimme that hamburger. - You get a lot more accomplished if you do it with authority.
ga820918 -- - -
ga820919 -- rrrrr rrrrr - roof meyow - RAWF! FFFT! - BARK! ROWR! - MROWR - BARK - You win.
ga820920 -- - -
ga820921 -- - splat! - A very short but neat rain shower.
ga820922 -- - -
ga820923 -- Pardon me, which is the way to Cincinnati? - Thanks. - I see by the ol' writing on the wall it's time to check myself into the funny farm.
ga820924 -- - -
ga820925 -- Look at all those tiny ants going to the tiny beach to do some swimming. - Uh-oh. A tiny minnow is cruising in to eat the swimmers. - Uh-oh. The minnow just got harpooned by an ant who bears a striking resemblance to Robert Shaw.
ga820926 -- WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - WHAM! WHAM! I don't like the sound of this. - Surprise, Garfield! What have we here? - We now have two houses. A big one and this little one. A regular Taj Mahal. - One of us is going to live in the big house, and one of
ga820926 -- us is going to live in the little house. That's fine with me. - You may visit me in the big house on weekends.
ga820927 -- OH NO! IT'S NOT THERE! - I'm not getting out of bed without it! - Not without my morning cup of coffee!
ga820928 -- Good morning, Jon. - Well, helloooo there. Come to papa. - That's me, Jon Arbuckle, second fiddle to a coffee bean.
ga820929 -- Garfield, you'll never find happiness at the bottom of a coffee cup. - I beg to differ. - Look, there's some right there in the corner. By golly, you're right.
ga820930 -- Take it easy on that coffee, Garfield. - It might be too much for your tiny system. - Pardon me, boy, is that the chattanooga choo-choo Bingo.
ga821001 -- I love you, coffee; you make me glow. - You make me smile. I love you so. - My nerves don't like you, but what do they know?
ga821002 -- Now for a strong cup of coffee. - Now for a good night's sleep. - Now for a brisk bout with insomnia.
ga821003 -- What's that rumbling? The ground is shaking! - Oh, no! It's THEM! - THERE'S NO WAY OUT! I'M TRAPPED LIKE A RAT! - ARRRGH! -
ga821004 -- - ARRGH! - Very funny, Odie. Now get your face off the window.
ga821005 -- - - ROWR
ga821006 -- I got you a new friend, Garfield. He even talks. Oh, goody. - Will you play with me? Why, of course, little buddy. - Let's go play with Jon's power tools.
ga821007 -- I wonder what that bag of sawdust has to say. - Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. - He does have a certain charm.
ga821008 -- Imagine, the nerve of Jon giving me a dummy as companion. What kind of an intellectual dwarf does he think I am? - Practice of the Aristotelean mean would have a significant positive effect on the world institutional environment. - Oh, shut
ga821008 -- up.
ga821009 -- Your little friend here is certainly cute, Garfield. - stomp! stomp! stomp! - Little friend or not, there's something to be said for the diplomatic removal of competition.
ga821010 -- What's this? - Here's an interesting article about the ancient practice of cannibalism. Lovely. - Can you imagine what life was like then? - Traveling salesmen were called "meals on wheels". - Having the boss over for dinner had an entirely
ga821010 -- different meaning. - It says here certain tribal societies also ate cats. - I can hear a diner complaining, "oh, waiter, there's a flea collar in my soup". That's not funny.
ga821011 -- Maybe I wouldn't hate mondays so much if I didn't have this calendar here to remind me. - -
ga821012 -- That hamburger is mine, Garfield. It's mine. - Let's see if you want it after I stomp it, lick it and shed on it. - You win, Garfield. You can have it. I don't think I want it now.
ga821013 -- POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! - Let me guess. You're going tree climbing, right? - How did you know?
ga821014 -- Now to get out of this tree. - - Don't you dare! sniff sniff
ga821015 -- I wish you understood my every word, Garfield. - I could tell you I love you. I understand how you feel. - I love me, too.
ga821016 -- - I love it when you cuddle up to me, Garfield. - What a warm and wonderful gesture. My nose was wet.
ga821017 -- - - SMACK! - HEY! - tickle tickle tickle - STOP IT, GARFIELD! YOU PLAY TOO ROUGH! - I'm sorry I yelled at you, Garfield. Cats have feelings too, you know.
ga821018 -- I'm not leaving bed, I'm not moving a muscle. If I don't bother Monday, maybe Monday won't bother me. - Hello, I'm Nermal, the world's cutest kitten, here to visit for the week. - Well, maybe I will do just a teensy bit of sobbing.
ga821019 -- The mirror is one of cat's best friends, Nermal. You can primp in it, play with it and admire yourself in it. - - I don't see what's so great about it.
ga821020 -- Follow me, Nermal. This is how you climb a tree. - Now what do we do? What a silly question. - We sit here until the fire department comes.
ga821021 -- lick - LICK - What happened to you?
ga821022 -- How cute. Thank you, Nermal. - - Uh...thanks. You'd better appreciate it, sucker. Your flower garden gave its life for this bouquet.
ga821023 -- Tell me, Garfield, are you threatened by the fact that I am much younger and cuter than you are? I'm bigger than that. - You can say that again! - See how they like your rapier wit on the moon.
ga821024 -- Hello. - I wonder what kind of hat this is? - - What time's that there bus leaving for Topeka? - See you, mum. Billy Bob and me are gonna play in traffic. - Gee, I'd love to go to the cotillion but I gotta stay home and watch armwrestling on
ga821024 -- TV. - That's it. This must be one of those stupid hats.
ga821025 -- Get ready to go, Garfield. We are going to visit dad and mom on the farm. - Send my regrets. I really must stay home and pluck my nose hairs. - I guess I'm ready to go.
ga821026 -- SPUT SPUT WEEEZE GURGLE SPUT - The car has stopped and it's getting dark. What should I do, Garfield? I con only think of one thing. - MAKE IT GO
ga821027 -- We're stranded, Garfield. We'll have to find somewhere to spend the night. - What about that place? Cute. - A little paint, a few curtains, and it would be a regular love nest.
ga821028 -- I guess we'll have to stay in this abandoned house tonight, Garfield. - Garfield R.I.P. 6-19-78 10-30-82 - I can't put my finger on it, but I have an uneasy feeling about this place.
ga821029 -- This house is spooky, isn't it, Garfield? Kind of reminds me of the vet's office. - Uh-oh, footsteps! Quick! Into the closet! CLOMP CLOMP - What do you suppose it is? CLOMP CLOMP Let's hope it's the welcome wagon.
ga821030 -- CLOMP CLOMP It's coming to get us, Garfield. It knows we're in the closet!  -ARRGH! - DAD! You didn't show, so I came looking for you. One life down, eight to go.
ga821031 -- * - If I disguise myself as a bird, I should be able to get close enough for an easy lunch - Glue gluk gluk gluk - - swim fins - waddle waddle -
ga821101 -- It's nice to be back in the country with space to roam. - Space to breathe. Space to be me. - Space to be BORED!
ga821102 -- I think I'll have an egg for breakfast. - crack! - Mommy! Maybe chicken for lunch.
ga821103 -- Mommy! - Look, kid, I'm not your mommy. I'm a boy. Boys can't be mommies. - Daddy!
ga821104 -- What's that, daddy? It's lasagna. And don't call me daddy. - Here. Have a piece. Yuk! - NO SON OF MINE WOULD REFUSE LASAGNA!
ga821105 -- Stop hanging around me, kid. Just remember, you're a tender young chicken and I'm a very hungry cat. - I guess I have that little giblet the what for. - EYOW!
ga821106 -- For the last time, kid, I'm not your daddy. You're a chicken and I'm a cat. - Now go back to your mother. Goodbye, daddy. -
ga821107 -- Let's job, Garfield. I'll sit this one out, thank you. - pppppp - RRRRRRRRR - BARK! BARK! BARK! SHOOP! - ROWF! FFT! - ARRRRRRRRGH! BARK MROW! Pack your bags, Reba. The neighborhood's gone strange.
ga821108 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats move at a speed proportionate to the amount of food at their destination. They may even exceed the speed of sound. - - Meow.
ga821109 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats are independent. Cats are loners... - - They are underfoot only when you're carrying groceries. Sorry about that.
ga821110 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats instinctively know the precise moment their owners will awake... - - Then they awaken them ten minutes sooner.
ga821111 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats are naturally attracted to only one type of human being... - - The type who is allergic to cats. WAHCHOO!
ga821112 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats can't hear commands... Garfield! Get off the bed! - Cats can't understand cajoling... See? Even Tommy the Clown likes his new cat food. - But they do sense when you want to take them to the vet. Let's go for a ride,
ga821112 -- Garfield.
ga821113 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats shed in direct proportion to their contrast with a person's suit. - -
ga821114 -- - How about a shot of flea powder, Garfield? If you can hit a moving target. - SCREEEE - I guess it's safe to eat. - GOTCHA! - I guess I pulled a good one on Garfield. - Guess again, sucker.
ga821115 -- I hate mondays. - And just why do I hate mondays? - Because mondays hate me.
ga821116 -- There's one thing I hate worse than grapefruit. - - And that is hating grapefruit.
ga821117 -- I hate mornings. - I hate the fuzzy feeling. I hate the cold floors. - I hate the bad breath.
ga821118 -- I hate cute. - - I also hate people who try to ingratiate themselves.
ga821119 -- chuking KONK! - I hate toasters. - chuking KRONK
ga821120 -- I hate hating things. - Check that. - I love hating dogs. PUNT!
ga821121 -- Here we are at the veterinary clinic, Garfield. I prefer to think of it as the chamber of horrors. - I wish doctors wouldn't leave their instruments sitting out. - Just as I thought, it's icy cold. - I wonder what she intends to snip off with
ga821121 -- this? - I don't even want to know where this goes. - Hello, Garfield. ARRRGH! - He's fainted dead away. He's daddy's little trooper.
ga821122 -- - Oh, gee. I can't get into my bed with these muddy feet. - Z
ga821123 -- I love to sleep. I sleep to restore my energy. - I sleep to refresh my wits. - I sleep to escape.
ga821124 -- - Z - Garfield! What happened? I had a nap attack at full throttle.
ga821125 -- If I were to come back to this earth, I'd like to come back as a pillow. - I could lie in bed all day. - And people would put their heads in my lap and go to sleep.
ga821126 -- UH-OH! HERE COMES THAT MEAN DOG! - Nobody would ever harm a sleeping cat? - Wrongo.
ga821127 -- - Z Z - Z Z My feet fell asleep.
ga821128 -- Z - Z dum dee dum dee dum - Yah tah tah tah, yah tah tah tah TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP - Garfield, I was sound asleep. You're breaking my heart, now feed me. - Anything else, sire? Yes, wash my blanket, change my kitty litter and retread my
ga821128 -- scratching post. - I wonder if it's worth it. I'll ignore that remark. - I swear, sometimes I don't know why I keep him.
ga821129 -- SNAP! SQUEAK! What's that? - Oh, no! Since I'm not a mouser, Jon set a mousetrap. Now it's killed a mouse! - If you did your job, I wouldn't be in this fix.
ga821130 -- I'm sorry you got caught in that mousetrap, mouse. Oh, that's okay. I have a wife and eight kids. - What doest that have to do with anything? - This is the first peace and quiet I've had in years.
ga821201 -- Have a piece of cheese, mouse. Maybe that will make you feel better. - - How am I supposed to swallow? Good point.
ga821202 -- You're free to go, mouse. Thanks. - Just where have you been? I suppose you and your fat friend have been having fun while I've been working and slaving taking care of our children. You'd better get yourself home right now. - SNAP!
ga821203 -- Now get out of here. - - SNAP! SQUEAK!
ga821204 -- - Jon will be checking this trap soon. - My bunny slippers? They like to roam at night.
ga821205 -- ALL RIGHT! - I love flowers! - I love to tiptoe through tulips. - Dive through daisies. - Romp through roses. - You cat broke 'em, you bought 'em, buddy. Put some pansies on the tab, too.
ga821206 -- Don't knock those flowers of the windowsill, Garfield. - I put them there to give them some sun. - And some fresh air.
ga821207 -- Windows are great. They offer a front row seat to life's passing parade. - THUD! - They are also good for a yuk or two.
ga821208 -- I see you're bringing the mail in with your usual care. - This letter says, "do not fold, spindle or mutilate." - It didn't say anything about "maul".
ga821209 -- - MY NEWSPAPER! YOU CHEWED UP MY NEWSPAPER! - It's things like this that make me wonder if you should bring in the paper at all. Precisely. poo
ga821210 -- On chilly mornings, this is my favorite place in the whole house. - - Over the heat vent.
ga821211 -- Garfield, did you eat fern? - WHY IS IT I GET BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING AROUND HERE? IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG, YOU JUST LAY It ON OL' GARFIELD! - I have no idea what you're talking about.
ga821212 -- - You can have this hamburger if you can reach it, Garfield. - WHA!? - - - b-b-b-b-b-b-b - Jon will rue the day I got these rubber arms.
ga821213 -- BOOM BOOM BOOM - boom boom boom - It's time you went on another diet, Garfield.
ga821214 -- On this diet, Garfield, you may drink all the coffee you please. - gulp gulp gulp - This is some kind of weird diet. slosh slosh slosh slosh
ga821215 -- I think I'll step off my diet just long enough to eat a couple dozen cookies. - Lettuce? - That cat has no sense of humor.
ga821216 -- - - You know you're on a diet when even the dog food commercials look good.
ga821217 -- You may go off your diet as soon as you loose some weight, Garfield. Why didn't you say so sooner? - BUZZ - Let's eat.
ga821218 -- Heck with it. I'm going off my diet. - - Show me a dieter, and I'll show you a person who belittles himself.
ga821219 -- - Good morning, Garfield. I'm so happy you can share this glorious morning with me. - Michelangelo would give up painting in a minute if he saw the canvas mother nature has rendered just for us today. - Chirp chirp Just listen to the symphony
ga821219 -- of sound from nature's flute section. - And the perfect sights and sounds are perfumed with these lovely flowers. What do you think, Garfield? - - You really don't care, do you? Bingo.
ga821220 -- Good morning, Garfield. Is there something you're trying to tell me? - - It's the Christmas season, you say.
ga821221 -- Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. - GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! - I'm getting into the Christmas spirit.
ga821222 -- - - That's gotta be a world's record! The presents go there. Move it, move it, move it.
ga821223 -- I hope this gift is mine. rattle rattle rattle - CRACK! tinkle tinkle tinkle - I hope it's Odie's.
ga821224 -- It's only noon, Garfield. Are you going to bed already? The sooner you go to bed, the sooner it's Christmas morning. - - Good night, little fella.
ga821225 -- Comics readers are very special people. You mean more to me than there is space here to express. - I love you all. - Have a happy holiday. I'll be funny again tomorrow, trust me.
ga821226 -- Set the stage, light the lights. - Good evening, ladies and germs. - SPLAT - My car is so old, it is insured against fire, theft and India raids. BLUT - My girlfriend is so cross-eyed, she can sit on the front porch and count the chickens in
ga821226 -- the backyard. CRASH - Take my dog...pleeeze. PLOP - It must have been one of your better nights. I was in rare form.
ga821227 -- Well, I wonder what's going to happen to me today. - BLAT! - Monday moves in a mysterious way.
ga821228 -- Go fetch the paper, Garfield. - Look closely, Jon. These are cat's paws, not slave's paws. - I'll ignore your small indiscretion this time, and share your life. Thank you...sir.
ga821229 -- nibble nibble nibble - It's not to chew your nails, Garfield. Oh, that's okay. - I'm chewing on Odie's.
ga821230 -- Z - I'm bored. I need to add some sparkle to my life. - Z
ga821231 -- THERE'S A SPIDER! I HATE SPIDERS! - Ha ha. I'll just flick him away. - WHANG! - Jon? Are you okay? ...Jon?
ga830101 -- - ZOOM! - The early cat gets the jelly-filled donut.
ga830102 -- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - zzzzzzzzzz Shoo, fly! - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I HATE PESKY FLIES! - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz UNNGH! - zzzzzzzzzzzz DIE, FLY! - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ROWR - Feel better, Garfield? I think I hurt myself.
ga830103 -- BRINNNG! - WHAM! - BRINNNG!
ga830104 -- - I didn't know that you like to dance, Garfield. What are you talking about? - I was scratching my back with your toothbrush.
ga830105 -- Good morning, Odie. - Hey, get away from Jon's stamp collection! - Too late.
ga830106 -- What should do tonight? - SPLUT - Good idea. I think I'll go sing on the fence.
ga830107 -- OH, NO! FIRE ARROWS! THOCK - I'M A GONER! THOCK - A CAT ALWAYS GOES DOWN WITH HIS FENCE!
ga830108 -- I can't believe that tacky pack of music haters burned my fence down. - The only thing to do is to get right back up there and start singing again. - But...somehow it just isn't the same.
ga830109 -- Here he comes...tweedledee, the wonder dummy. - Hey, Odie, would you like to play ball? - - squeak - - tie tie - Hey, Garfield, where's Odie? He's tied up at the moment. dribble dribble dribble
ga830110 -- SLAM - Hey, Garfield. I'm home. - You're certainly excited to see me. Believe me, inside I'm hopping up and down and shouting with glee.
ga830111 -- So I say to this clerk, "Look, if the whole bunch of bananas is 54 cents, why can't I have one for 6 cents? - - Don't you want to hear how the story came out? Tell it to your plants.
ga830112 -- - - Garfield, you seem to be preoccupied this week. Huh?
ga830113 -- Garfield hasn't been listening to me lately, watch this. - Hey, Garfield, what say we go to the vet and get you declawed? - That would be fine. Case closed.
ga830114 -- I hate it when Garfield ignores me. - DARN IT! PAY SOME ATTENTION TO ME! - Z I think I'm going to cry.
ga830115 -- Jon, I know I've been ignoring you lately, but I want to say it's not because I don't care for you. - It's like my ears hear you, but my brain keeps straying off course. I've just been preoccupied. - Enough said. Let's get on with it. Huh?
ga830116 -- ZOO - Do Not Feed The Animals I wonder what it would be like to be a wild animal. - First, I'd alter this stupid sign. Feed the Animals - Then I'd pace around looking kinda fierce. - Then I'd scare the heck out of the crowd. - SWIPE EEEEK! -
ga830116 -- That was a pretty convincing performance, if I do say so myself.
ga830117 -- - - I love it when they entertain me.
ga830118 -- It appears Jon has prepared himself a very nice meal, but something is missing. What could it be? - Why, of course... - The cat hair!
ga830119 -- - - Okay, okay, I'll turn the heat up.
ga830120 -- This is my humble abode, my dear. - - Who were they? Oh, just a couple of animals I'm giving away soon.
ga830121 -- Garfield, sometimes I think you don't like it when I have dates. Absolutely. - Dating leads to marriage. Marriage leads to children. - And do you know what children do to cats?
ga830122 -- Hey, Jon, what's happening? - Eat your breakfast, Garfield. - Where's your sense of humor?
ga830123 -- * - Isn't that Halley's comet? - ZIP! - Garfield, did you take my steak? Who? Little ol' me? - Look, I don't have your crummy old steak. - HEY! I DON'T HAVE YOUR CRUMMY OLD STEAK! - I'm going to get you for this, Odie. Burp.
ga830124 -- Playing with a ball of yarn is a great way to get attention. - THOCK! - GARFIELD! Tah dah.
ga830125 -- Hey, Garfield, there's a lasagna under the bed! - - Thanks for dusting under the bed for me, Garfield. I hate you.
ga830126 -- - WHIRRR! - nightie-night, Jon. I hate you.
ga830127 -- Surprise, Garfield! I brought you another rubber mouse. Yippee skip. - By the way, what happened to your last one? It was tragic. - He was caught and eaten by a rubber cat.
ga830128 -- Surprise, Garfield! I threw your old bed in the trash and got you this new one. What do you think? - - Z
ga830129 -- Dogs have the world's stupidest toys. Just look at this rubber bone. - Simple minds, simple pleasures. - It certainly doesn't hold the scintillating intellectual challenge of my fuzzy scratching post wit the springy rubber mouse.
ga830130 -- * - - - - - ROWR! ARRRGH! - THAT WASN'T FUNNY; GARFIELD! Funny is in the eye of the beholder.
ga830131 -- plop! - EEEEEEK! - I'm almost afraid to ask what happened here.
ga830201 -- QUICK! QUICK! PUT POOKY'S ARM BACK ON! - Relax, Garfield. I'll fix Pooky right up. It's no big deal. - No big deal?! Look, buster. I've never lost a loved one before.
ga830202 -- - I sewed Pooky's arm back on as good as new, Garfield. - Yes, but will he ever play the piano again? Me thinks the cat doth expect too much.
ga830203 -- You did a pretty good job of sewing Pooky's arm on. - I used small stitches so as not no leave a scar. - I think he's picking on me.
ga830204 -- Pooky, when you lost your arm, I got to thinking about our mortality, and that's depressing. - So promise me you'll never lose your arm again, okay? -
ga830205 -- I wonder what my fortune cookie is. - Today you will be whisked away to a large white building where all you have to do is lie in bed all day as lots of people pay attention to you and bring you food. - That sounds too good to be true.
ga830206 -- - - I can stare anything down. - - - Uh, Garfield, fish can't blink. - Now he tells me...now that my eyeballs are all dried out?
ga830207 -- I wonder what awful thing is going to happen to me today? Maybe the sky will fall. Maybe Odie will bring his long lost twin brother home... - - Or worse yet, maybe Nermal will come for a visit.
ga830208 -- Oh sure, you're getting all the attention right now, Nermal, But when you grow up you'll be as unloved as I am. - I'm never growing up. Who are you? Peter Pan or something? - I'm a midget. Some cats get all the luck.
ga830209 -- If you want to be cute like me, you have to play wit a ball of yarn. That sounds simple enough. - Yours is over there. - I hate him
ga830210 -- Nermal, you're so sweet, why don't I just stuff you into this sugar bowl. - Go ahead and try it, fat boy. - Say, Garfield, Where's Nermal? At a humility lesson.
ga830211 -- You disgust me, Nermal. - You're a wide-eyed, mindless, little piece of fluff. You're so cute everyone loves you. - Eat your heart out, bozo. I am, I am.
ga830212 -- Unk. You've overstayed your welcome. - - Where's Nermal? You know...I was strange, he muttered "unk" and then left without a word.
ga830213 -- And just when I thought it was safe to go back in the kitchen. - Garfield, why don't you like to take baths? Bathing robs cats of precious natural oils that protect us from skin disease. - What do you know? Hop in there right now. Let me get
ga830213 -- my tubby toys. - Today, today. - - There now, don't you feel much better? Much.
ga830214 -- Are you sure you want to watch this, Garfield? - It's a depressing movie about a man-eating lion that terrorizes a native village. - You root for your side, I'll root for mine. Lion.
ga830215 -- I hate movies about man-eating lions. - How can an animal possibly prey on an innocent victim? - Explain that to the chicken you had for dinner.
ga830216 -- OH, NO! THE LION RAN DOWN ANOTHER VILLAGER! The original fast-food franchise. - Now what disgusting is the lion doing? - He's spitting the spear out.
ga830217 -- Tell me when the lion is finished eating the villager, okay, Garfield? You can look now. - EEEEEK! - He wasn't done yet! Oh, I thought you meant the MAIN parts.
ga830218 -- GOOD! They shot the lion! - What do you think of those apples, Garfield? Big deal. - At the gun it was villagers:1, lion:42.
ga830219 -- Well, what do you think of the man-eating lion movie? - - You know I hate that, Garfield.
ga830220 -- That ice should be good for some yuks. - Ice, one. Odie, nothing. - Watch this. - Air mail! - Have a nice trip, Jon! - OH NO! - MY TOMATO PASTE!
ga830221 -- Z - BARK! -
ga830222 -- - Oh, a heat vent. - The next best thing to my sunbeam.
ga830223 -- - Jogging is much more enjoyable if you have the proper motivation. - Ding Dong ICE CREAM
ga830224 -- I'd better save some of this blueberry pie for Jon. To eat it all would be inconsiderate and selfish. - - I am what I am.
ga830225 -- This is called a bird feeder, Garfield. - And this is called putting birdseed into the bird feeder. - He can call it what he likes. I call it baiting the trap.
ga830226 -- WOW! LOOK AT ALL THIS GOOD FOOD AND NEAT CLOTHING! - This is great stuff. - Stay out of the trash, Garfield. How did you know?
ga830227 -- Oboy! Jellybeans! - These green jellybeans are pretty tasty. - I don't care if they are Jon's favorite, I'm going to eat them all. - Why, hello there, Odie. - Here, you may have the last green jellybean. - Aren't I sweet? - My last green
ga830227 -- jellybean! I'm going to kill you, Odie! The plot thickens.
ga830228 -- I hate mondays. - Maybe if I tore mondays off the calendar there'd be no more mondays. RIP! -
ga830301 -- There must be an easier way to eat. - GO AHEAD AND START WITHOUT ME, BREAKFAST. - Burp...I should have thought of that long ago.
ga830302 -- What a unique perspective. Noe the ceiling is the floor and the floor is the ceiling. Hi, Garfield. - ZIP - Whatever goes down, must come up.
ga830303 -- I wonder whose glasses there are. - - Pablo Picasso's.
ga830304 -- I feel good today. I feel strong. - I feel invincible. I feel as tall as a skyscraper. - Get off there, King Kong. ayieeee
ga830305 -- * - Hop up here, Garfield. It's dinner time. - "hop up here," he says.
ga830306 -- I feel like a change of pace. - I think I'll move in slow-motion today. - Wha!? - - Oh, no, you don't. - - It's hard to take what you want in life when they see you coming.
ga830307 -- Uh-oh, there's a package for me. - I don't think I'm going to like it. - Beware of gifts bearing air holes.
ga830308 -- Gee, I hope this package doesn't have a bomb or a monster in it. - GASP! IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN MY MOST HIDEOUS FEARS! - It's another sweater for me from Jon's mother.
ga830309 -- - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - I hate wool sweaters.
ga830310 -- - There is one thing I like about this sweater. - Z
ga830311 -- - There's more than one way to skin a cat. - TWANG - Check that...CHOKE a cat.
ga830312 -- I hate designer sweaters. - Look at this. - The lizard chewed the armpit out of it.
ga830313 -- Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo PLOP - Garfield need a better balanced diet. So I'm disguising this liver as dessert. - Why, hello, Garfield. I fixed a yummy treat for you. - I call it "Sweet Surprise" - He'll be surprised, all right. - ARRGH! He ate it!
ga830313 -- He ate it! Surprise.
ga830314 -- Hey, Garfield, look at what I got at the barber shop. - Th-dah! What do you think? It's tacky, tasteless and disgusting. - It's you.
ga830315 -- Bingo! - Hook shot! - Ha-ha-ha, Garfield, ha-ha-ha-
ga830316 -- Jon sure looks dumb with this fake mustache. - Very few people can wear a mustache. - Like evil Roy Gato, for instance.
ga830317 -- Nyah, nyah, nyaaah, evil Roy Gato does his daily dirty deed. - push - - The mustache made me do it.
ga830318 -- Oh, there you are, Garfield. - Let me guess...you stole my fake mustache and ate my spaghetti, right? - How'd you guess?
ga830319 -- Give me a kiss, sweetheart. - KISS - How do you tell a lady her mustache needs more wax?
ga830320 -- This looks like a good spot to rest. I never saw a spot that wasn't a good spot to rest. - Well, Garfield, here we are in the great outdoors. It's outdoors, all right, but I'd debate the "great". - Just listen to the sounds of nature. Sounds
ga830320 -- like noise to me. - Nature can actually speak to you, you know. Go on.  Hear that? Nature is speaking to you now. Wait, I do hear something... - I HEAR IT! I HEAR IT! - Nature is saying, "Garfield the cat, you're a long way from your warm bed
ga830320 -- and television set."
ga830321 -- COME ON, MONDAY! DO IT TO ME NOW! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! - THOCK - Thank you for your prompt consideration.
ga830322 -- Did I ever tell you about my uncle Nick? He loves to destroy things. He can shred a recliner in 12 seconds... - Mangle ferns by the carload and turn a set of china into powder in the blink of an eye. - He is presently a postal employee in
ga830322 -- Chicago.
ga830323 -- - Nice try, Garfield, but I don't buy your stupid watermelon disguise. - RATA TATTA TATTA TATA
ga830324 -- - Don't make fun of Odie, Garfield. That's not nice. - That's even less nice.
ga830325 -- Come and get it, Garfield. - CRASH! - Your not a sailplane, you know. Oh, shut up.
ga830326 -- Dinnertime, Garfield! - BANZAI -
ga830327 -- * I hate dogs and dogs hate me, I chase the tiny ones, the big ones chase me. - Do Not Open This Gate! Hello, what's this? - That's an open invitation if I ever saw one. - Of course, it may not be wise to open the gate. - But that never
ga830327 -- stopped me before. I'll just take a little peek. - - Curiosity mangled the cat.
ga830328 -- PUNT - This is turning out to be a decent Monday for a change. - POOMP!
ga830329 -- gobble gobble gobble - Garfield, you eat too fast. No, I don't. - I'm just overqualified for the job.
ga830330 -- Garfield will never reach this pie up here. - CHINK - And just where are you going? For my morning scale?
ga830331 -- ARRRRGH! - What a horrible nightmare! I dreamt I was a dog. - Thank goodness it was only a dream. scratch scratch scratch
ga830401 -- No more of this sniveling sissy stuff. - I'm getting out of this tree like a man. - On the other hand, sniveling does have its attributes.
ga830402 -- I gotta get out of this tree. - Oh well, they tell me a cat always lands on his feet. - However, THEY failed to mention the pain.
ga830403 -- - - - - - - We must have lunch sometime. Things aren't always as they seem.
ga830404 -- Hey, Garfield, let's take a vacation. - We'll go someplace tropical. - Save your money. Go sit in your aquarium.
ga830405 -- Vacation is going to be so great, Garfield. - We'll get away from this rat race. There'll be no hassles. - A change of pace would be nice.
ga830406 -- Hey, Garfield, what do you think of this shirt for our vacation? - Tah-dah! That's awful. - Do you know how many turkeys were destroyed to make that shirt?
ga830407 -- Good news, Garfield! The airline has a special allowing children to fly free. So? - So when you leave on vacation, you can pose as my son and ride up front. I will not demean myself by dressing up as some stupid kid. - Otherwise, you'll have
ga830407 -- to ride  in a kitty carrier in the baggage compartment. DADDY!
ga830408 -- I hope you don't mind flying, Garfield. - Some animals don't travel well. Nonsense. - If a dog can be a World War I flying ace, I can surely fly commercial.
ga830409 -- Just bear in mind, Garfield, even though we're leaving on vacation... - And even though we're going to have fun... - It's always nice to get back home.
ga830410 -- This is going to be fun, Garfield. Ha ha ha, wheee. - I think you'll like flying. I'd like it if I could keep one paw on the ground. - Oooooh, I think I'm getting airsick. - What's that? It sounds like a wing cable fraying! - I SMELL SMOKE!
ga830410 -- sniff sniff - WE'RE GOING DOWN IN FLAMES! - We're still on the ground, Garfield. GREAT! CATS AND CHILDREN FIRST!
ga830411 -- Tell me, Garfield. - Are you nervous about flying? - I take no chances.
ga830412 -- I think you'll enjoy flying, Garfield. - It's a very comfortable and smooth way to travel. - Then what are these little bags for? The easter egg hunt?
ga830413 -- No pets allowed. This is my son. He has a body hair problem. - How old are you, sonny? Rowr. - That's baby talk for "one going on two".
ga830414 -- crunch crunch - What do you think of airline meals, Garfield? GULP - The only thing with food content was the plastic fork I just ate.
ga830415 -- - - The captain has advised that the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign be observed in case some slight air turbulence is encountered.
ga830416 -- Well, Garfield, how did you like your first airplane ride? Aside from the nausea, cramps and indigestion, I'm fine. - Have a nice day. HAVE A NICE DAY?! - LET HER LIVE, GARFIELD! LET HER LIVE!
ga830417 -- Ah, this is the life, isn't it, Garfield? - For real relaxation, it's hard to beat the tropics. Oh, go sit on a sandburg. - You should go play in the surf, Garfield. Maybe next year. - There are fish out there, you know. Well, why didn't you
ga830417 -- say so?! Ha ha ha. - Simple cat, simple pleasures.
ga830418 -- Do you know what I love about the tropics, Garfield? I have a feeling you're going to tell me. - It's the miles and miles of sparkling beach. - It may be a beach to you, but it's just a sandbox to me.
ga830419 -- There's one thing I love about the tropics. grrrr - FLIP! - The tiny dogs.
ga830420 -- You don't seem to be having a good time, Garfield. A keen observation. - What's the problem? I tell you what you do. - Find the biggest, heaviest fur coat you can and put it on. Then go lie in the blazing sun for a few hours and see how many
ga830420 -- youks you have.
ga830421 -- Tell me, my little wahine, what do you do? I'll bet you walk along the beach all day, then go home to your little thatched hut at night, right? - I'm a computer programmer from Cleveland. - Close. How about a date? He didn't even blink.
ga830422 -- This is the life, isn't it, Garfield? More fun than a cat should have. - Nothing to do but lie here in the sun. Listening to your brain bake. - Are you bored, Garfield? Is there sand in your swimsuit?
ga830423 -- This is going to upset you, Garfield... - Because I know you've had a great time. - But it's time we think about going home.
ga830424 -- La la la - There's nothing like a bubble bath to cure what ails you, Garfield. - pop pop - - - POW! Hey, Jon, what happened to you guys? You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
ga830425 -- Dear Garfield, what is your favorite all-time film? - It's "Old Yeller". - I love movies with happy endings.
ga830426 -- - - And just what do you think you're doing? Asserting my cathood?
ga830427 -- Garfield, why is it cats like to get out at night? - That's when we like to sing on fences. - In the daylight, we'd be easy targets.
ga830428 -- Today is thursday, and that's lasagna day. - Here's your cat food, Garfield. Will there be anything else? - Let me jog your memory.
ga830429 -- Why do you have such large teeth, Garfield? - All the better to eat you with, my dear. - Stop that! Obviously, sir, you are not a patron of the classics.
ga830430 -- I saw an awful movie last night called "Alien Dog." It was about this gigantic mutt that terrorized the world. - However, they did dispatch him with a rather clever ploy. - They electrified a 12-story fire hydrant.
ga830501 -- This looks like a good day for some heavy thoughts. - Let's put this whole thing in perspective. - Eating is important. - And sleeping is important. - But nothing is more important than holding someone you love. - Check that. - Reciprocation
ga830501 -- is nice, too.
ga830502 -- You're too fat, Garfield. Hang it in your ear. - Oh, shut up, Odie. - Why do I have the feeling there's a conspiracy afoot?
ga830503 -- * - ARRRGH! - It's diet week. It's diet week.
ga830504 -- - I gotta get off this diet. - It's starting to mess with my mind.
ga830505 -- - - Release my hand, Garfield. - You release hamburger, I release hand.
ga830506 -- Suicide, exercise and dieting. - RIP! - Name three forms of self-abuse. True...how true.
ga830507 -- - -
ga830508 -- * - - Oh, no! My watch has stopped! - I've missed Garfield's mealtime. - Pets have a way of letting you know when you've missed their mealtime. - You're late. I know, I know.
ga830509 -- Tell me, Garfield, when you walk, do your right and left legs travel together, or do you use your opposing legs? - - I'll never walk again.
ga830510 -- Z Z Z I wonder how birds can sleep in trees without falling out. - Z Z Z - Z Z Z Aha! ...hammocks.
ga830511 -- This is the only way to spend a sunny afternoon. - All you need is a swimming pool. - And a good imagination.
ga830512 -- I'm going to take a dip in here, so beat it, bird, before I break your beak. - - I have a mouth with a death wish.
ga830513 -- Take my advice. Sun yourself in a pool. You stay cooler that way. - I shall now turn over in order to tan my back. - This is not well thought out.
ga830514 -- As much as I hate to do it... - I'd better get out. - Even my fur is getting wrinkled.
ga830515 -- Look at those stupid dogs. - Yabba yabba yabba. - ROWF! BARK! BARK! - BARK! YIP! BARK! - Go away, dogs. Leave my cat alone. - bbbbbb - You just had to get in the last lick, didn't you, Garfield? Me and my big tongue.
ga830516 -- Hey, Garfield, guess what! We're going to visit dad and mom on the farm this week. - We'll eat some of mom's down-home cooking and help dad with the farm work. - Good thinking, Jon. Let's drive all the way to the sticks and fetch us an apple
ga830516 -- pie and a hernia.
ga830517 -- Your brother, Doc, has come back to work on the farm. He's here now. - Doc boy! Don't call me "Doc boy". - Jon boy! Mom boy! Doc boy! How are you? Oh boy.
ga830518 -- What brings you to the farm, Jon? I promised Garfield some good home cooking. - What would you boys like for breakfast? - My guess is Garfield would like some ham and eggs.
ga830519 -- Doc, you're looking more like dad all the time. - You take that back! - SMACK! Hush up, boy. The three stooges live.
ga830520 -- You know, Doc, for brothers, we don't look much alike. - It's hard to believe we came from the same place. - You mean, the farm? The funny farm maybe.
ga830521 -- Take care now. See you soon. Don't be a stranger. - So long! Bye bye! Bye now. Se yuh. - I can't believe the fuss they make over going to bed. You have a very close family.
ga830522 -- skitter skitter skitter - That's odd...two little bugs in full Shakespearean dress. - Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? I'm right here, Juliet. I bring bad news, Julie baby. Our families are feuding and don't want us to date anymore.
ga830522 -- Oh no! - That does it! Let's die in each other's arms and live together in eternity. How do we do that? - Here's how. squash - I'm not one to fool with great literature.
ga830523 -- Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. - Hi, Arlene. Hi, bozo. - I'm sure she meant to say, "Hunk".
ga830524 -- Let's go mousing. What's wrong with lasagna? - There's no thrill of pursuit. - Obviously, you've never snatched one off the table during sundae dinner.
ga830525 -- Why do girls always so good, Arlene? - We wear perfume. - Sounds kind of sissified to me. - I get this from a sex that likes to tattoo themselves.
ga830526 -- What does the moon remind you of, Garfield? - The moon reminds me of night, and that reminds me of sleep, which reminds me of breakfast... - That wasn't what I had in mind. Then, after breakfast, comes my nap...
ga830527 -- I'm taking you to a great restaurant tonight, Arlene. - bonk bonk Look, galvanized, not one of those cheap plastic places. - Now I've seen it all...a three-star garbage can.
ga830528 -- I'll see you, Arlene. It is customary, in human circles, to kiss a lady's hand. - You're not a human, and that's not a hand. That's a hairy paw. - Oil and water, nitro and glycerin, chivalry and realism.
ga830529 -- - I have a new plant in here, Garfield. Yum yum. - And I don't want you messing with it, okay? Sure. - - First I think I'll eat its tender little leaves, then I'll pick my teeth with its stems, followed by stomping the rest of the plant out
ga830529 -- of existence. - Prepare to die! - How did you like my cactus, Garfield? Prepare to die.
ga830530 -- I'm going out to a very nice restaurant tonight, Garfield. So you be good while I'm gone. - And, no, you can't come with me. - Who said I wanted to go to your crummy restaurant, anyway?
ga830531 -- Jon is going out without us tonight, Odie. - So you know what to do... - You chew his slippers and I'll destroy his chair.
ga830601 -- GARFIELD! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CHAIR! - I DON'T DESERVE THIS! - I was only gone for the evening. Now I know the face. Weren't you a former owner of mine?
ga830602 -- Garfield, I know being a cat owner is a big responsibility. - BUT I SHOULD Be ABLE TO LEAVE FOR AN EVENING WITHOUT YOU DESTROYING EVERYTHING! - I WANT A DIVORCE! I get half of everything.
ga830603 -- - squirt - OKAY! WHO GREASED MY WIENER?
ga830604 -- Hey, Garfield, What do you think of the new turtleneck sweater mom made you? - You're right. - It isn't very flattering, is it?
ga830605 -- I'm in a "what if" mood today. - I wonder what would happen if I married Arlene. - We'd have a huge wedding... - Then we'd raise some kittens... - And they'd crawl all over me. - Forget it! I'd make a lousy father.
ga830606 -- Garfield, it's noon. Are you getting out of bed? - I'd love to get up... - But the blanket is extra heavy today.
ga830607 -- - Think about a big, juicy bone, Odie. -
ga830608 -- Z - Z - Z
ga830609 -- Garfield, meet my new pet frog, "Herbie". - Isn't he great? Yeh, good ol' "Herbie". - Good ol' "your days are numbered as soon as Jon turns his back, Herbie".
ga860610 -- zzzzzzzz - Hey, Garfield, when was the last time you saw my pet frog, Herbie? zzzzz - SNAK! At lunch.
ga830611 -- It seems like an age since I gave Odie a boot. - BOOT! - I'm just a sentimental fool.
ga830612 -- Something's wrong. - Hey, Garfield! Let's have some fun! forget it, Jon. - I want to take you to an Italian restaurant for a lasagna dinner. No way. - They have ferns for dessert. Big deal. - Then we can come home and I'll hold Odie down
ga830612 -- while you beat him up. Try and make me. - - How did you know we have an appointment at the vet's? I don't know. I just know.
ga830613 -- In this box, I have a singing and dancing mouse. I have spent four years training him. He will now entertain you. - - I guess I should have cut air holes in the box.
ga830614 -- It's hard to believe I'm going to be five years old this sundae. - Shucks, golly, gee-whiz, ratso. - I'm going to have to start watching my language.
ga830615 -- Garfield, I hope the sun shines on your birthday. - What a nice thing to say. - I'm going camping. I didn't need that.
ga830616 -- - Mother nature has certainly been kind to you, Garfield. - I wish I could say the same for father time.
ga830617 -- They say the first thing to go on a cat is its hearing. - - Or was that eyesight?
ga830618 -- Your birthday gift is inside the card, Garfield. - Someday, my signature will be worth a lot of money! -
ga830619 -- sssh - This is the perfect surprise. It's much too early for Garfield to be up. - He's a year older today, you know. - SURPRISE! - -And a year sneakier.
ga830620 -- BARK! - FUMP! - Amoeba Man strikes again.
ga830621 -- Amoeba Man goes in search of food. - BONK! - Amoeba man should probably cut eyeholes in his exoskeleton.
ga830622 -- Amoeba Man spies food, but Amoeba Man has no mouth. - munch munch - A wonderful thing, osmosis.
ga830623 -- Ooooh. - Amoeba Man should not have eaten that hamburger so fast. - I have a nucleus ache.
ga830624 -- Amoeba Man stops to admire himself in the mirror. - - Face it, fells. you're one good-looking hunk of protoplasm.
ga830625 -- - Amoeba Man falls in love. - If I may be so bold, you have a great-looking pseudo pod, my dear.
ga830626 -- Hello. - You can tell a lot about their family from their garbage. - They have an infant who just outgrew its baby clothes. - The father recently gave up golfing. - And the mother cooks lots of pasta. - - Adopt me!
ga830627 -- Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - Dr. Livingstone, I presume.
ga830628 -- Slow down there, ace. - Slow down, in deed. - Jon doesn't realize how much I have to eat to maintain my figure.
ga830629 -- Bark! Bark! Bark! - Garfield, get out of the cookie tin. - WHANG!
ga830630 -- - -
ga830701 -- Garfield! You ate my raisin cookies! - I thought you didn't like raisins. - I don't.
ga830702 -- Shoo! Shoo! Go away! I don't like you. - SLURP! - I hate blind devotion.
ga830703 -- How about a manly game of arm-wrestling, Garfield? You're on. - Are you ready, you furry sissy? Ready when you are, wimp. - - Unnngh Rrrr - What say we call it a draw, Garfield? I'll let you off the hook this time. - I'll see you, Garfield. So
ga830703 -- long, Jon. - Speak to me, arm! I'll never ruse this arm as long as I live.
ga830704 -- Garfield! I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - I say we attack the fort at dawn.
ga830705 -- I wonder what this is. - - Ah, a booby trap.
ga830706 -- - -
ga830707 -- - There you have it... - Odie's so stupid, he doesn't even understand the law of gravity.
ga830708 -- They say hammocks are very relaxing. - - Big deal.
ga830709 -- - -
ga830710 -- - What do you think of my Ming vase, Garfield? - CRASH! - Min, Shming, they don't make'm like they used to. - WHA!... GUH!... I DON'T!... BUH!... YOU!... YOU! - YOU DUMB ANIMAL! YOU'RE SO STUPID, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID! - I know I
ga830710 -- - destroyed a priceless Ming dynasty vase as an overt expression to communicate my contempt for the politically oppressive doctrines of their early 17th century administration.
ga830711 -- I could sure use some of Jon's deodorant. - ssst - How's it going, Garfield? fine, until I found the spray starch in your cabinet.
ga830712 -- Go fetch the paper, will you, Garfield? That's what i live for. - Here you are, sahib. - Hey! This paper is all chewed up! Sahib asks fish, paper is wet. Sahib asks cat, paper is holey.
ga830713 -- - - WAH-HA HA-HA! I hate it when they do that.
ga830714 -- - slup slup slup - Drool fuel.
ga830715 -- Aw...how sweet. - Wait a minute! I'll bet you want something from me, don't you? - How dare you suggest I trade my affection for selfish reasons! For a bite of that hamburger, I'll forget you said that.
ga830716 -- Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - Arf?
ga830717 -- * - - - - I am about to outdo myself. - WHAP!
ga830718 -- Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - Pardon me, sir. Have you seen a tail here around?
ga830719 -- You don't like me, do you? I like you. - No, you don't. I'm crazy about you. I love you. - Now why don't you go play in the blender? SEE?
ga830720 -- Why don't you like me? You're young and you're cute. - If I were old and ugly, would you like me? Possibly. - This must be one of the things cats do when they think there are no humans around. Where's my cane? Where's my cane?
ga830721 -- I hate to do this. - I don't know how I'll get out of this tree. - But at least I'll be away from Nermal.
ga830722 -- What are you doing up here? Did you come to save me? - No, I just came to visit. - Well, talk fast. I was just considering leaping to my death.
ga830723 -- How do we get out of this tree? We jump. - If that little twerp can jump, so can I. -
ga830724 -- Z - Rise and shine. - Time to get up, Jon. - I'm hungry. - This ought to wake him up. - Jon must really be socked out. - I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction.
ga830725 -- Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - You'll have to speak up. I can't hear you over the band.
ga830726 -- - Gee...uh, thanks, Odie. clunk! - What is it, Garfield? I'd wager it would have been easier to recognize before it wandered into traffic.
ga830727 -- Here comes Odie. His bark is worse than his bite. Bark! Bark! - BARK! - And his breath is worse than his bark.
ga830728 -- - SPLAT! - Spaghetti can turn on you when it's wounded.
ga830729 -- Oh, boy! I love to sluck spaghetti! - SLUCK! - Sorry about that.
ga830730 -- SLUCK - There's only one irritating thing about slucking spaghetti... - The whiplash.
ga830731 -- Hey, Garfield. - I have a big date with Liz tonight. What do you think about my outfit? - Mmmph - Hee hee hee - I don't have to take this. WAH-HA-HA-HA! - No cat's going to make a fool out of me.
ga830801 -- Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - If you must know, I am a rare carnivorous fern, and if you don't mind, I'd like to finish eating your cat in peace.
ga830802 -- - HA-HA! YOU DIDN'T GET MY FOOD THAT TIME! - SPLAT
ga830803 -- - - You've been reading "Alice in Wonderland" again, haven't you? You must be psychic.
ga830804 -- RRR - RRR!!!!! - I want to know why you did that, Garfield! That's not half as interesting as how I got up there to begin with.
ga830805 -- Garfield, I want you to get all the mice out of this house, right now! Oh, very well. - Be a good boy and call my attorney, will you? - And have him serve them with an eviction notice.
ga830806 -- - ARRRGH!!! B-B-B-B! - Cats are so unpredictable. Predictably so.
ga830807 -- CATCH THAT MOUSE! - Garfield, why don't you eat mice like other cats? I don't like to hurt mice. How can I get that through your thick skull? - * - Dear Jon: The mice and I have an agreement. They don't bug me and I don't bug them. Therefore,
ga830807 -- I will never hurt mice...signed, GARFI* - GARFI*************** tick! tick! tick! The key must be stuck. - WHAM AAAWK! - Sorry about that, fella.
ga830808 -- - OH, NO! - My legs re shrinking!
ga830809 -- I've really done it this time. My belly has outgrown my legs. - I guess there's only one thing to do... - Get fitted for stilts.
ga830810 -- * Hummm *  - Oh, no! - You know you're overweight when you're sitting around rocking, and you realize you don't have a rocking chair.
ga830811 -- Garfield, you're getting dangerously overweight. - How dangerous can a little extra fat be? - Who, blub, would, blub, have, blub, guessed?
ga830812 -- Don't worry about your condition, Garfield. - You can still lead a useful and productive life. - As a paperweight, a doorstop, a... Put your face closer to thee claws.
ga830813 -- Rats! The dog next door! - Ever had a nightmare come true?
ga830814 -- * Hi, hi, Daisy-Waisy. Would you wike some wa-wa? Oh boysy-woysy. - If you speak nicely to plants, they grow better, Garfield. Bologna. - - - DIE! - Live and learn.
ga830815 -- - RIIIP! - Cruelty is second nature to that cat.
ga830816 -- - - Diet time. Rats.
ga830817 -- Happy diet, Garfield. Here's a banana for breakfast. - - Bang!
ga830818 -- As long as you're dieting, Garfield, why don't you exercise, too? - Sure...why not? - As long as the noose is around my neck, I might as well jump off the horse.
ga830819 -- Sticking to your diet, Garfield? Yup. - FUMP - But I did eat the pictures out of your cookbook.
ga830820 -- You're looking slim there, Garfield. Thanks. - I couldn't find a corset. - So I borrowed one of Jon's tube socks.
ga830821 -- - - - - - They say we can visit him 2 to 4 on saturday. Food gone! Food all gone!
ga830822 -- I can't possibly eat all this food. It's time for a...FOOD FIGHT! - SPLUT! - You stay out of this, Monday.
ga830823 -- Hallo, folks. How do you do? I'm Garfield, the cat. I'll entertain you. - SPLAT! - You stay out of this, mom.
ga830824 -- I just flew in from Pittsburgh and, boy, are my arms tired. - - The guy on the hook must be asleep.
ga830825 -- I gotta sing! I gotta dance! - BAP! BOP! BIFF! - I gotta be crazy.
ga830826 -- Goody, Jon's not around. - Jon stifles my lifestyle. - Put the dog down! He's no fun.
ga830827 -- - ZIP! - I don't know how we does it, we jus' does it.
ga830828 -- - splut - plik - bat - scratch-  drip - Bored, Garfield? Some days I get tired of being a cat.
ga830829 -- - - That wasn't very nice, Garfield. - In this business, "nice! doesn't put bread on the table.
ga830830 -- Why is it I'm crazy about you, Garfield? Probably because I'm perfect. - You claw the drapes, shed on the furniture, steal my food and hassle the dog. - Nobody's perfect.
ga830831 -- Garfield's in for a surprise. I put an alarm on the refrigerator. - That's the first rule for successfully living with a cat. - You must be smarter than the cat.
ga830901 -- Given the choice, Garfield, would you rather be rich or famous? - You're talking to a cat here, fella. All I need is a warm lap, some good food and a little attention. - I guess a cat wouldn't care about either. I'd rather be rich.
ga830902 -- - - Any last words, Garfield? How about "Gotcha"?
ga830903 -- Here's some salad and dressing, Garfield. You may mix them to your taste. - gluk gluk gluk - How was it? Could've use more dressing.
ga830904 -- Fire Destroys House - It's time you boys learn where the fire exit is. - In case of fire, go straight to your swinging pet door, got that? - I'd better give them a little test. - FIRE! - Clever me.
ga830905 -- Jon must be cleaning the heating grate. I wonder what grates are for, anyway. - OOPS! - Obviously, they're to keep one's house from eating one's cat.
ga830906 -- Silly me had to fall into the heating vent. Now here I am, residing deep within the bowels of my house. - Forced to spend my remaining days fending for myself in the tin tunnels of the duct work, the solenoid jungle of the wiring system and
ga830906 -- the polyvinyl chloride playground in the crawl space. - Hey! I think there's a book here somewhere.
ga830907 -- Meyow! - GARFIELD! WHERE ARE YOU? I'm in the plumbing. - WHAT CAN I DO? Just don't flush the toilet.
ga830908 -- Hey, Odie! I'm trapped in the heating vent. Help me out! - A hacksaw-great! -
ga830909 -- - Unnngh - Garfield...where are you? Down here in the floor's joists, plotting your untimely demise.
ga830910 -- Free at last! - There is something to be said for brute force. - It is usually followed by brute stupidity.
ga830911 -- Z - BARK! - grrrr - slurp! - Z - ZIP! - You can growl in my face, you can lick my head, but if you touch my food, consider yourself dead.
ga830912 -- Whew, not much room left. - I'll have to decide between the blueberries or cheese for dessert. - I hear the blueberries are lovely this time of year.
ga830913 -- Why haven't I ever seen talking food before? Because you're as dumb as your look. - Oh, yeah? Touche. - I can't believe I'm talking to a cheese.
ga830914 -- I wish I were a cat instead of a mouse. - Never be ashamed of what you are. We must all accept our plight in life and make the best of it. - You're not on the business end of the food chain. Good point.
ga830915 -- I have a confession to make. - My mother was a lemming. What's a lemming? - A gerbil with suicidal tendencies. My condolences.
ga830916 -- So you're half lemming. Yes, my mother always had the urge to cast herself off a cliff into the sea. - AWK! - Darn you, mom.
ga830917 -- What the heck are you doing? - I'm half lemming, you know. So? - I'm getting back to my roots. I had to ask.
ga830918 -- - If you eat this pie, I'm going to kill you. - - - - GARFIELD! YOU ATE MY PIE! - One of the great criminal minds of your time, I ain't.
ga830919 -- - Rats. - I used up my eating energy on the getting here.
ga830920 -- I'm tired of being out of shape. - I can't catch Odie. I can't catch my breath. - Heck, I can't even catch my lunch.
ga830921 -- I really don't like myself when I'm out of shape and overweight. - Well, this time I'm going to do something about it! - I'm going to lower my expectations!
ga830922 -- Come on, Jon! Up and at'em! - There's a fresh new day out there. Are you going to join me, or are you going to lie there and wither away? - There's nothing worse than a born-again jogger.
ga830923 -- hop hop hop - hop - Leg warmers.
ga830924 -- Get on your mark, get set... - Jog! - The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
ga830925 -- It's going to be a scorcher today. - The sidewalk is already hot. - OOCH! EECH! OUCH! - Oog! Argg! Ick! - Garfield! What are you doing on this hot sidewalk? - Why don't we go inside? - What? And disappoint my public? CLINK
ga830926 -- I'm not one to brag on my teddy bear, but you are not going to believe this. - Okay, Pooky, pay attention now. Are you ready? - Play dead!
ga830927 -- I'm getting too old to have a teddy bear. - It's not that I feel silly... - It's the peer pressure.
ga830928 -- Pooky, I have to start weaning myself from you. I gotta make it out there on my own. - - That's good enough for the first week.
ga830929 -- I have to break this teddy bear dependency. - -
ga830930 -- I've made it a whole day without my teddy bear, but if I don't cuddle something soon, I'll go crazy. - - This sweat sock just isn't the same.
ga831001 -- POOKY! - So much for kicking the teddy bear habit. - It's unnatural to be near someone you love and not hold them now and then.
ga831002 -- I don't believe my eyes! - I've finally found the perfect skipping stone! The perfect weight, perfectly round and flat, everything. - But there are no lakes around here, and it's too far to the river. - Darn it! I've got this stone begging to
ga831002 -- be skipped and no place to skip it! - * - KONG! - Hey, look! The perfect skipping stone!
ga831003 -- I hate it when Odie gets caught outside in the rain. - Not that I care that much for Odie, mind you. -
ga831004 -- - Here's one of the great mysteries of the universe... - When Odie closes his mouth, where does his tongue go?
ga831005 -- I wanted to buy you another bed, Garfield. But the only sizes they came in were small, medium and large. - They didn't have showboat! - A quick wit is best accompanied by quick reflexes.
ga831006 -- I love a well-balanced meal. - Something from the four basic food groups... - Meat, vegetable, dairy and catsup.
ga831007 -- Garfield should be finding that rubber hot dog in his bowl right about now. - And he should be coming for me right about... - Now.
ga831008 -- I think I'll have pancakes for breakfast. - - Once again our nation's criminal element has callously disregarded the truth in packaging laws.
ga831009 -- Ho with a capital hum. - I wish I could kick this industrial-strength depression I have today. - - - - - Mother nature, if you had a body and a face, I'd give you a hug and a kiss.
ga831010 -- Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. - Hi, Arlene. - I said..."Hi, Arlene".
ga831011 -- Hey, Arlene. Guess how much weight I can press. - I'll bet you don't know. I'll bet I don't care. - Right now I'd trade all this strength for just one snappy comeback.
ga831012 -- Hey, Arlene. Look at this. So what? - Just what does it take to impress you, lady? A challenge to my head as well as my heart. - As soon as she regains consciousness, I'll challenge the heart part.
ga831013 -- It's my dinnertime, Arlene. But don't despair, I'll be right back. The moments will seem like years till you return. - I don't know how she does it... - How one well-turned phrase from that woman can suck all the wind out of your sails.
ga831014 -- Arlene, I'm sick of the witmatching mood you're in. - Okay, I'll stop it. There's no battle of the intellects here anyway. - You're right. It was kind of like swatting a fly with a buick.
ga831015 -- How about a kiss, Arlene? What kind of animal are you? - A cat! - AUUGH! I did it! I did it! She said, "what kind of animal are you?" and I said, "a cat!"
ga831016 -- Isn't that pathetic? - Odie, all you ever do is stare and slobber. - You're too happy, and that's not healthy. - People don't trust a chronically happy person. - Who could possibly love a grinning idiot like this? - - YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
ga831017 -- Oh, boy, am I down today. - You look down today, Garfield. But I think I'm even downer. - I hate one-downmanship.
ga831018 -- I am down...down, down, down, down, down. - Down, down, down, dooby doo down, down. - Comma, comma, down dooby doo down, down.
ga831019 -- I'm so depressed it's depressing. Tell me about it. - I think I'll go out and shoot myself. Sure. - You're just trying to cheer me up.
ga831020 -- Why are we so depressed, Garfield? I have this theory. - We've been staying up too late, lately. - And being happy takes entirely too much energy.
ga831021 -- We've gotta do something about this depression, Garfield. Check. - Maybe a change of surroundings would cheer us up. Check. - Wrongo. Check
ga831022 -- There's only one way out of this deep blue funk we're in, Garfield. I hate to do it, but it has to be done. I hope it works. - Ooch! Eech! - Tah-dah! Bingo!
ga831023 -- - click HEY! - click I was watching "Cheerleader High!. - click Well, I'm watching "Wonder Cat"! - rip - CRASH - I was much more passive before I became a wonder cat cadet.
ga831024 -- Hello, folks. I'm here to entertain you! Are you glad to see me? ---well, are you? - Okay, I can take a hint. Who needs you anyway? - I DO!
ga831025 -- I knew a cat who was so ugly, he had to tie a squirrel around his neck to make the dog chase him. - BAP! KONK! - It's nice to see I'm attracting a crowd with some taste.
ga831026 -- I knew a dog who was really stupid... - He was so stupid, when he turned around to lie down, he had to stop to ask directions! - I thought that was better than a one-shoe joke.
ga831027 -- What do you get if you cross a cat with a doctor? - You get a cat with a low golf handicap. - BONK KONG!
ga831028 -- Did you hear the one about the bucktoothed chicken? - - He...uh, raised a lovely family, was a well-respected member of the community, and led a comfortable life, titty boom.
ga831029 -- Stop me if you've heard this one. - SMACK KONG! WHOP! BAP! - Let me rephrase that.
ga831030 -- - We are nearing the bewitching hour when evil forces well up within me. - I love it. EEEK! - Gargle snort drool YIP - Heh, heh, heh-another fruitful Halloween of scaring kids and dogs. - Rats. - My mom told me if I made this face too often,
ga831030 -- it would freeze in this position.
ga831031 -- Here's some chicken soup, Garfield. - No thanks, I really couldn't. - I've never known Garfield to refuse food.
ga831101 -- - I'm taking this steak and there's nothing you can do about it, Chipmunk Cheeks. - I've always encouraged Garfield to be assertive. But I believe he's crossed the fine line to obnoxious.
ga831102 -- BONK! BONK! - BONK! BONK! - Odie's going to have to learn to walk one of these ways.
ga831103 -- I wonder what pets do when they don't know their owners are watching. - Let's find out. - I don't believe it. Neither do I. Odie just drew to an inside straight.
ga831104 -- CLANG! - Hey, Garfield, how do you like my new dinner bell? - It got my attention.
ga831105 -- - Oh no! My legs are turning to jelly! My mind is turning to mush! Could it be a laser? ...a death ray? No! It's... - My sunbeam.
ga831106 -- This looks like a good place to sit and muse. - What is the thing called life, Odie? - Montaigne said, "The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in how we make use of them." - Holmes said, "Life is painting a picture, not doing a
ga831106 -- sum." - James said, "Be not afraid of life. Believe that your life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact." - - poo Odie, sometimes I envy you.
ga831107 -- Hey, Garfield, we're going to visit aunt Gussie. - I know she's old and mean, but underneath she has a heart of gold. - I hear she used to double-date with Lizzie Borden.
ga831108 -- Hi, aunt Gussie. Well if this isn't my daydreaming nephew, Jon, and his cat Blubberbutt. - Look, rodent breath, if you come within ten feet of my canary, I'll make a doily out of your hide. - I like her.
ga831109 -- Why, aunt Gussie! I didn't know you were homecoming queen in 1922. You bet. - Back then I had beauty, style, grace, charm... - And a body that wouldn't quit!
ga831110 -- How are you getting along financially these days, aunt Gussie? - Oh, I have my social security, I make quilts and sell my African violets... - And I knock down three hun a week teaching slam dancing at Denny's Pogo Pit.
ga831111 -- What would you like for Christmas, aunt Gussie? Oh...nothing much. - Maybe something for my bed like a little lacey throw pillow. - Stuffed with John Travolta's chest hair.
ga831112 -- It was nice visiting with you, aunt Gussie. Same here, Jon. - And you'd better forget about your crush on John Travolta. He's young enough to be your grandson. - DON'T TELL THAT TO MY COMPUTER DATING SERVICE!
ga831113 -- click! - Well, look who's in the television set. - Garfield is such a clown. - Ha-ha-ha. - WAH HA HA - Wait a minute! - Something just occurred to me.
ga831114 -- Look at all those people. All going to work to process food, produce electricity, manufacture kitty litter and so on. - All just for me. - I'd thank them individually, but they know who they are.
ga831115 -- Odie - WHOCK! SPLAT - That's for not being a cat.
ga831116 -- I guess I shouldn't have clobbered Odie for not being a cat. - If everyone had a choice, we'd all be cats. So I can't blame him for not being a cat. - This is for being a dog! punt!
ga831117 -- whirrr - glup plop - How's your cat food, Garfield? I could say more for the presentation.
ga831118 -- Oh, look, it's one of those things you pull on for service. - YANK! - Bring me a danish and a cup of coffee.
ga831119 -- - Stop playing with your food, Garfield. - I'm not. It dried out while my face was in it.
ga831120 -- This looks like a good place for a little nap-nap. - - - click WHIRRR - GASP! - SPLAT! - Hello, mom? The washing machine just spit out my jockey shorts. That's one thing I'd never admit to my mother.
ga831121 -- Here you go, Garfield. Take a big bite. - OH NO! - Just kidding.
ga831122 -- - SLAM! Yo, Garfield! What'cha doing? - Casting a critical eye on a career as a doorstep.
ga831123 -- Sitting atop this door, I see all and know all. - Now where's that fat cat of mine? - Don't take my name in vain. SMACK!
ga831124 -- Perching high on a door gives vent to a cat's philosophical bent. - Observing life from an omniscient point of view allows one to witness fascinating human rituals. - Like Jon cleaning his ear. squeak squeak
ga831125 -- I wish I knew how to get off this door. - Sometimes it would be nice to have all the decisions made for you. - SLAM! and sometimes not.
ga831126 -- PLOP - Where did you come from, Garfield? - Rumor has it the stork brought me.
ga831127 -- - - - - - - They didn't call me the shimmy king for nothing.
ga831128 -- I hate mondays. I can't shake this awful feeling that something dreadful is going to happen to me. - I'm saved! It's nice to see a friendly face. - You're going to the vet, Garfield. ARRRGH!
ga831129 -- You don't look happy, Garfield. - Happy about going to the clinic? Put yourself in my shoes. - You get to flirt with the lady vet while I get the business end of her thermometer.
ga831130 -- Did you know I'm a medical curiosity, doc? I'm not surprised. - I'm missing a major organ. Your brain? - My heart, you've stolen it away. I hate to see a doctor cry.
ga831201 -- I'd like to make another appointment, Liz. Sure, when? - How about Friday night for dinner? - NO! Subtle but firm.
ga831202 -- Your cat is in good health, Mr. Arbuckle. Dandy. Now let's talk about us. - Let's do. Really? - You owe me forty dollars. I just adore love patter.
ga831203 -- Hi, Odie. - - If that dog's brain were a car, it would be jammed in neutral.
ga831204 -- GASP! - OH NO! WE'RE OUT OF COFFEE! - This is your fault, you guzzler! You didn't buy any! - Look at us, Garfield. We're getting irritable and shaky. We need coffee! - SNIFF...WHAZAT?! ZAT!S COFFEE! - EEEK! LOOK, HUBERT! PEEPING TOMS! Don't
ga831204 -- flatter yourself, Reba. Now go hide the silver.
ga831205 -- It's time you earn your keep around here, Garfield. There's a mouse hole and there's some cheese. You know what to do. - I certainly do. -
ga831206 -- Here's the scenario: cat crouches by cheese waiting for mouse to exit hole to retrieve same. Cat catches mouse. Fade out. The End. - Heck with it. - I prefer stories with a happy ending.
ga831207 -- Why should I have to catch an innocent little mouse? I have nothing against him. In fact, he's kind of lovable. - If you don't catch that mouse, I'm putting you out i the cold! - The furry twerp dies.
ga831208 -- This is demeaning. I have a noble heritage. I am a unique, vital individual. - And all I'm considered as around here is a mousetrap. - I must speak to my kitty litter changer about that.
ga831209 -- I don't want to catch that mouse. He's cute. I've even nicknamed him... - - "Stretch"
ga831210 -- - - Live and let live, I say.
ga831211 -- * _ I'm just a ramlin' kind of guy...ramlin', ramblin' - rambl - - Oh, no! I've heard terrible things about city sewers! - They say the pet alligators that are flushed into the sewers grow to huge proportions. - But this is ridiculous.
ga831212 -- OH NO! DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! - TURN BACK! TURN BACK! - Sometimes, a cat's feet just gotta climb.
ga831213 -- Here I am, stuck up a tree. Things couldn't be worse. - Okay, okay, NOW things couldn't be worse. - BOOM
ga831214 -- I maybe stranded up a tree... - But at least I'm on a sturdy limb. - The story of my life.
ga831215 -- Hey, fatso. What does a bird like you eat? - Cats. - chirp chirp
ga831216 -- This isn't safe. - Shoo! Shoo! Somebody might get hurt! - TOING!
ga831217 -- A way down! All I have to do is dive into that birdbath. - - 7.0 6.5
ga831218 -- Uh-oh, I feel a sneeze coming on! - Wah, wah. - WAH! WAH! WAH! - WACHOO! - Auntie em! Auntie em! Yeah, I got you, my pretty, and your little dog, too.
ga831219 -- 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hope that St. Nicholas soon would be there; FILL THIS ONE, SANTA! - The children
ga831219 -- were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads; NOW GIMME A VISION OF LASAGNA - And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap. THIS IS MY KIND OF
ga831219 -- STORY.
ga831220 -- When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. WHAT'S A SASH? - The moon on the breast of the new-fallen
ga831220 -- snow Gave the luster of midday to objects below. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear. But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer. THEY LOOK BIGGER ON TELEVISION. - With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a
ga831220 -- moment it must be St. Nick. OR MAYBE SANTA CLAUS.
ga831221 -- More rapid than eagles his coursers they came. And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen! ON, DOPEY! ON, SNEEZY! ON, HAPPY! - "To
ga831221 -- the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all! CAN'T THEY JUST WALK ANYWHERE? - As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So up to the housetop
ga831221 -- the coursers, they flew, With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas, too. TUNE IN TOMORROW. THE GOOD PART'S COMING.
ga831222 -- And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. OH, NO! A CHIMNEY MONSTER! - He was dressed all in fur,
ga831222 -- from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. YOU DIDN'T BREAK ANY TOYS; DID YOU? - His eyes-how they
ga831222 -- twinkled! His dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow; HE ALSO HAS A WELL-ROUNDED PERSONALITY.
ga831223 -- The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth. And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly That shook when he laughed, like a bowiful of jelly. HO! HO! HO! A FEW SIT-UPS WOULD TAKE CARE OF
ga831223 -- THAT, FELLA. - He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf. And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. WE MUST HAVE LUNCH SOMETIME. - He spoke
ga831223 -- not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk, and laying his finger aside of his nose. And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; HOW DID HE DO THAT?
ga831224 -- He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like to down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, are he drove out of sight, - HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! WHAT A NICE GUY, WHAT A NICE STORY. -
ga831224 -- Have a happy and loving holiday season.
ga831225 -- - Merry Christmas, Garfield. I got you some great presents! - Here is a radio controlled mouse... - And a mink scratching post! - ptoo - Odie, that bone is everything you own in the world. - It's the expensive gifts that impress me.
ga831226 -- Heh he rattle rattle - Cats have such active imaginations. I wonder what's going on in Garfield's mind right now. - Well...here I am, in a brown paper bag.
ga831227 -- Interesting. - Residing in a brown paper bag gives one an all-new perspective of one's self. - I feel like a dirty magazine.
ga831228 -- This bag needs eyeholes. - rip rustle rustle - Something's not right here.
ga831229 -- Got my sack, got my eyeholes, what more could a cat need? - ARRRRGH! - Armholes, definitely armholes.
ga831230 -- Awk! There's someone in this bag with me. - Oh, it's you. - Hello, bellybutton.
ga831231 -- fffff - POW! - I didn't know you were in the bag, Garfield. I was playing a trick on Odie. At least I died for a good cause.
ga840101 -- Oh boy, what a party, I ate too much. - I gotta get up and exercise. Here I go. - Okay, here I go o the count of three...one, two, three and up! - Up...up and exercise. Come on, Garfield. You can do it. - This time I'm really going to do it.
ga840101 -- Here go the legs lifting the body...now! - This time I'm really, really going to do it...one, two, three...Hi ya! - Have you been up today, Garfield? I think so.
ga840102 -- Rise and shine, Garfield, It's a bright new day! - It's gonna be a wonderful day, a great day! - I think I overcheerfuled it.
ga840103 -- How do you want your coffee, Garfield? Make it sit up and bark. - How's this? - Just right.
ga840104 -- - - Oh, no! It's the old "Disguise the tongue as a loaf of french bread" trick!
ga840105 -- Okay, who loosened the top on my saltshaker?! - Garfield, that wasn't very nice. You're right, that wasn't very nice. - But it was extremely funny.
ga840106 -- Go outside and play, Garfield. - Have a good time. - "Have a good time." he says.
ga840107 -- - Hey, Garfield, don't eat the lasagna yet... - It's still too hot. You're telling me?
ga840108 -- - - - - - -
ga840109 -- Don't eat me. You're too fat already! - Who are you? This is your conscience speaking. - I don't have a conscience. I know. I'm free-lancing.
ga840110 -- If you are my conscience, what are you doing in my food bowl? I took on a form you would understand. - What do you really look like? Well, if you must know... - I look like everyone's mother. Natch.
ga840111 -- Tell me, conscience, just what does a conscience do? - It is my duty to make you feel bad about things that make you feel good. - That's sad. It's a living.
ga840112 -- Well, conscience, if you don't mind, I'll go to bed now. Tah tah - Look both ways before crossing the street. - What's that supposed to mean? Sorry, it was just a knee-jerk nag.
ga840113 -- I can't believe my conscience is following me around. I must be cracking up. - A little nap-nap should clear my head. - You sleep too much. ACK
ga840114 -- Don't you think you should be getting up now? - Look, conscience, get out of my life. I have no use for you. Careful, fella. or I'll call my big brother. - Who's he? Guilt. On the jogging track in 5 minutes, sucker! Be there!
ga840115 -- Good morning, ham, good morning, eggs, good morning, milk. - There's one nice thing about visiting the farm... - The food is fresh. - Here, lunch. Here, lunch. - Uh-oh. - This is not good. - Garfield! Where have you been?! At Custer's last
ga840115 -- stand.
ga840116 -- I love it when the good humor man comes. DING DING - I love it when I get a popsicle. - I hate it when my lips stick to the *@!! popsicle.
ga840117 -- Ever notice how moths circle the light? - Like planets orbiting a distant sun. - I love it when I get philosophical.
ga840118 -- I wonder what happens when a moth gets too close to the light. - AYIEEEE! FOOM! - At least he didn't suffer.
ga840119 -- Let us examine a pet phenomenon called the "rips". - That's when your pets race around the house for no apparent reason. - Other than to mangle the family cat.
ga840120 -- You boys stop racing around. - Garfield, slow down! - Okay.
ga840121 -- Would you like to go for a walk, Odie? - Let's see...I need a leash. - You stay out of this.
ga840122 -- - I love sacks. - I wouldn't kid you, Parnelli. This honey will do 0-60 in 6 seconds flat. - I swear, Sally, get your head out of the sand. The sack dress is coming back. - I think I'll step into the root cellar and see what's for dinner. -
ga840122 -- OH, NO! - Hello, maintenance? Call the exterminator, my condo has dogs.
ga840123 -- - Good morning, Garfield. It's me, Nermal. I'm young and good-looking and you're not. - I didn't need that.
ga840124 -- Can I get you anything for breakfast, Garfield? - Yeah, how about a big glass of freshly-squeezed kitten juice? - You don't like me, don't you?
ga840125 -- How cute! Nermal brought me my newspaper! - And my slippers and my pipe! What more could a man want? - How about a woman?
ga840126 -- Let's get you into trouble, Nermal. - Look in the cookie jar! Look in the cookie jar! No, you can't have a cookie, Garfield, You'll spoil dinner. - Thanks for the cookies. Jeff would have known what Lassie was talking about.
ga840127 -- - BLUT! BLUT! - Call it cruel. Call it juvenile. I call it asserting myself.
ga840128 -- I hate to bother you, sir, but you put insufficient postage on your package. - What package? - This kitten you're sending to Abu Dhabi. GARFIELD
ga840129 -- Poor me. - What a yucky evening. - It's dark and rainy and there's nothing on television. - I crave sunshine, daisy-filled meadows and good times. I need a ticket out of here. - Wait a minute! I have one! SNAP! -
ga840130 -- I wonder how fast I can run. - I wonder what would happen if I hit this kitty door at Mach 2. - I wonder if killing a mailman is a federal offense.
ga840131 -- I love attacking the mailman. Some days I scratch him. Some days I bite him. Some days I trip him. - Today I'm trying something new. * - I'm humiliating him.
ga840201 -- * - ARRRGH! b-b-b-b - When he comes around, he'll thank me for breaking up the monotony of his dreary job.
ga840202 -- Come on, mailman, deliver that mail. - And when you do, I'm going to leap on you and all that will be left will be your mailbag and that silly-looking hat of yours. - Has the mailman come yet, Garfield? No, he's still standing at the end of
ga840202 -- the sidewalk sobbing.
ga840203 -- SLAM! - Rats! I missed him! - Apparently, no one ever told him to look both ways before crossing the street. SCREECH
ga840204 -- Be a good boy and fetch the mail, Garfield. Oui, mon capitaine. - RIP ROWT CLOBBER BLAP - Did you hurt him bad? Oh, just a few lacerations, abrasions and internal injuries. I was in a good mood.
ga840205 -- plop! - - GLUP! - ptoo ptoo - SPLUT! - Salvage the pride, Garfield, salvage the pride.
ga840206 -- Hey, Garfield, it says here people can perform superhuman feats of strength during periods of great stress. - What baloney! - By the way, I'm taking you to the vet today.
ga840207 -- You can't hide from forever, Garfield. I'm going to find you and take you to the vet. - You may be sneaky, but I'm sneakier. - "Sneaky" is my middle name.
ga840208 -- Garfield can't resist lasagna, and when he comes to eat it, I'm going to catch him and take him to the vet. - SMACK GULP SLURP - That cat has the longest lips I've ever seen.
ga840209 -- Now where could Garfield be? - He's not in tie cookies, and he certainly won't be in the doggie biscuits. - POO! It's a good thing I can't read.
ga840210 -- Aha! There you are, Garfield! You're going to the vet now. - - Sorry, Odie. SMACK
ga840211 -- I wish I could find Garfield's hiding place so I could take him to the vet. - He's sure hiding in a good place. - A good place-- Not a smart place-- But a good place.
ga840212 -- I can't believe my luck. This is too perfect. - I will now slide down this banister and make a four-point landing on Odie down there. - BANZAI! - - RATS! - I can see the headline now: "Twist in plot fatal to local cat".
ga840213 -- Wouldn't it be great if everything could talk? - I'd get out of bed and the wall would say, "Good morning, Jon." and the sink would say, "Good morning, Jon." That wouldn't be so hot. - Every time a light bulb burned out, it would be like a
ga840213 -- death in the family.
ga840214 -- If people had hair all over their bodies, would they wear clothing? - - Probably not.
ga840215 -- What would happen if people were cats and cats were people? - That's an easy one. - Dogs would soon be extinct.
ga840216 -- I was wondering, Garfield... - What if being fat were considered attractive? - What do you mean, "what if," bozo?
ga840217 -- I wonder what life would be like if we never had to eat. - That would take some getting used to. - For a time, mothers would fix their families three square nothings a day.
ga840218 -- What if there were never a Leonardo da Vinci? - That would be awful! - The da Vinci kids would have been orphans.
ga840219 -- RING! - BRING! SMASH! - DING DING DING DING - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - GASP! COUGH WHEEzeeee - SHOOP! - Rats! Too late! Now I'm wide awake.
ga840220 -- I hate mondays. - This is your conscience speaking. It's not nice to hate mondays. Look at it as starting a fresh week with a clean slate. - I hate mondays.
ga840221 -- This is your conscience speaking. Don't you dare push Odie off the table! That would be inhumane and cruel. - Then YOU push him off. POKE! - That was kind of fun.
ga840222 -- Why do you follow me around, conscience? If I don't you won't be very nice. - If I put this cork in your bottle would you be trapped? Yes, but that wouldn't be very nice. - That wasn't very nice.
ga840223 -- Now that my conscience is trapped in this bottle, I can walk away and enjoy myself. - That's okay, go ahead, have fun, don't worry about me. I'll just sit here in the dark...all alone. - You're very good. One of the best.
ga840224 -- Let's have some fun, Garfield. Take one step back. Okay. - - I thought consciences were supposed to be nice! I'm on break.
ga840225 -- I have my conscience trapped in this bottle. I'll just set it by Jon. - - Get a haircut.
ga840226 -- tappity tappity tappity - Good evening, ladies and germs. In our audience tonight is a boy scout delegation from Booga-Booga. Welcome, guys. - I'm dedicating my first song to you. Appropriately enough it's called, "I'm just a boy scouting for
ga840226 -- the key to your heart". - HEY! - All right, you Booga-Booga boobs! - If you're going to throw anything, throw money, okay? ...okay. - CLOBBER - Silly me, I forgot the only currency in Booga-Booga is 800-pound chariot wheels.
ga840227 -- What a glorious morning! - I could really enjoy a morning like this. - If I could only get this catch out of my back.
ga840228 -- I gotta get help for this catch in my back. - Hey, guys. - What we have here is a failure to communicate.
ga840229 -- Maybe a good night's sleep will help me get rid of this catch in my back. - - Maybe not.
ga840301 -- I hate having a catch in my back. I get no sleep, I get no food, I get no exercise. - - Don't tip the cat over, Odie. I get no respect.
ga840302 -- Well hello there, Mr. Stuck-Up. - Having a catch in one's back does tend to give one an air of sophistication... - I could get to like this.
ga840303 -- Let's take care of that catch in your back, Garfield. - CRINK! - There you go, old buddy. Thanks, I think.
ga840304 -- Hey, look! Odie! - It snowed last night! - Ha ha, so you boys want to play in the snow, huh? - First you'll have to wear your nice, warm pet sweaters. - And your wool caps and mittens and mufflers and booties. - There you go, boys. - Having
ga840304 -- fun yet? Ha ha ha, wheee.
ga840305 -- Who's that painting at my door? - HONK HONK - Oh, good morning, Odie. HONK
ga840306 -- YAWN - GASP! - Waking up to my own bad breath is bad enough, but someone else's is unbearable.
ga840307 -- I am proud to be a pet. Pets lend a touch of elegance to a home. SLUP SLUP - - I am proud to be a cat. SLUP SLUP
ga840308 -- Okay, get revved up there, Odie. - GO! - I love toys that don't need batteries.
ga840309 -- - crinkle - May I have some of that candy bar? Here, take it.
ga840310 -- - I declare this steak the sovereign property of Garfield, the cat! - I've never had my dinner annexed before. And you may never see it alive again.
ga840311 -- - SMACK Let's play! - Leave me alone, Garfield. Let's play! Let's play! - Oh, okay, we'll play. - TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! HA! HA! HEE! HO! HEE! HEE! - OUCH! - I'm through playing now.
ga840312 -- Hey, Garfield, we're going to the farm to visit dad and mom this week. - Goodo. I need a change of surroundings. I was getting bored with this city life. - It will be nice to be bored in the country for a change.
ga840313 -- It's great to be back on the farm, Garfield. Nothing ever changes. - The same old surroundings, the same old room... - The same old chores. The same old manure.
ga840314 -- This pastoral scene is not exactly intellectually stimulating. - Read any good books lately? Oink. - "Oink," he says. I rest my case. "Oink" in the existential sense, of course.
ga840315 -- Doc, do you ever regret that you stayed on the farm while I went to the city to live in the lap of luxury? - Not really. Dad will probably will the farm to me, and I'll sell the acreage at a huge profit and retire while young. - Need a hired
ga840315 -- hand? Give me a resume and three good references. And mom doesn't count.
ga840316 -- Beautiful sunset, isn't it, dad? Purtyer than a little red wagon goin' up a hill. - What does that mean? - Oh, it's just something you city boys expect us farmers to say. How true.
ga840317 -- Garfield and I must be leaving now, mom. Stay, stay! I just baked some pies. - We gotta go. Come on, Garfield. - Say what, stranger?
ga840318 -- WHEW! - Today I am going to cure Garfield of his gluttony. - Go to it, boy! - He's either going to get sick eating all that food, or he's going to burst trying. MUNCH SMACK SLURP - Are you going to want the rest of that hamburger?
ga840319 -- AWK! - I love chasing birds. - Except when they do that.
ga840320 -- BONK! Rats! - Double rats! - And, of course, tripe rats.
ga840321 -- Shoo! - Flies and I have a lot in common... - You can't keep either of us away from food.
ga840322 -- I gotta beat that fly to my food! - I WIN! - You lose, fella. POO
ga840323 -- - WHEW - BOO!
ga840324 -- * - REARRR! - It's the old "bring in the reinforcements" trick.
ga840325 -- - - All right, you guys! Outside! - - - Where were you guys raised, in a barn? Next time use the door. - CRASH! Thank you.
ga840326 -- GARFIELD! I CAN'T STRAIGHTEN UP! - ZIP - Ha, ha, my tie was caught in my zipper. Help me.
ga840327 -- Gimme those cookies. - HIYA! HUT! KONK! PUNT! - I'd turn her in, but who'd admit to being mangled by a girl scout?
ga840328 -- Rise and shine, Garfield! - Garfield? - clunk clunk Time to wash my blankey, what say?
ga840329 -- Be a good boy and fetch the morning paper, Garfield. - Yes, master. I am your beck and call, master. - Why can't I have a normal house cat like everyone else?
ga840330 -- I need a brain for my master. - - A brain, I need a brain for my master.
ga840331 -- Ah, coffee. - - Being a hunchback is going to take some getting used to.
ga840401 -- This is it, boys. - Tonight we find out who the phantom ripper is. - He's stepping out the shadows now. - Oh, no! It's...it's you! AYIEEE! - Good movie. click - Who was he? - We thought YOU were watching. SMACK GRRRRR
ga840402 -- It's Monday out there. I feel it in the air. I hate mondays. - I'm sure the world will end on a Monday...at least I hope it does. - It would be a shame to end the world right before a weekend.
ga840403 -- Pooky, where are you? Oh, no! My teddy bear is missing. - This has the makings of a classic mystery. I already have some prime suspects. - It's easy when you live with a rogue's gallery.
ga840404 -- I suspect Odie of kidnapping Pooky. Watch him crumble under my keen questioning. - Where were you on the evening of April 1?! - What am I doing? Odie doesn't even know where he is now.
ga840405 -- There must be clue to Pooky's disappearance here somewhere... - Aha! could this be a telltale trail of teddy bear hair? - Even if it isn't, that was a pretty nifty bit of alliteration.
ga840406 -- Hello, what's this? Just as my teddy bear disappears, this sack mysteriously appears... - Something smells fishy here. -
ga840407 -- Aha! Jon! It was you who kidnapped Pooky! - Obviously, sensing I was hot on his trail and fearing my wrath, he's decided to return Pooky and throw himself on the mercy of the court. - I had your teddy bear cleaned, Garfield. Sigh...thank you.
ga840408 -- - - * AROOOOOOO * - tappity tappity clap clap clap - I like you, Garfield. - And I like myself, Arlene. I can take a hint. - Like myself when I'm with you that is.
ga840409 -- It's nearly midnight on a Monday. - I can't believe it! Nothing bad has happened to me all day. - COO-COO!
ga840410 -- Watch this. It's the old rubber bone gag. - SHOOP! - Practical jokes are wasted on the stupid.
ga840411 -- SQUIT - BLAT - Unnnngh! Help! Help! The alien is sucking my brain dry! Garfield has raised playing with food to an art form
ga840412 -- Garfield, I think it's time we grow up, be more responsible, take a more mature outlook on life... Hee hee - I don't think you're taking me seriously! I'm sorry. - I don't know what came over me.
ga840413 -- Stop begging, Garfield. You may have any food that falls on the floor. - - I hate you. I can live with that.
ga840414 -- Hee-hee, snort. - WAH-HA-HA! - Okay! Okay! I'm awake!
ga840415 -- Look out, world. - I feel invincible today. - FOOD! I CRAVE FOOD! - That took nearly three seconds, Jon. We'll do better next time, won't we? - I shall take my morning stroll mow. Be a good boy and alert the media. - Hold up, traffic. Here
ga840415 -- comes Garfield. Where were you? Learning that some things can't be intimidated.
ga840416 -- - - I'm sorry. Did I bring you down, old buddy? Like a rock, old buddy.
ga840417 -- I'm bored, Garfield. - I'm tired of seeing the same old scenery. Do you know what I mean? Not really. - At least you get to see the scenery.
ga840418 -- Garfield, there's only one way to shed this shroud of gray we wear... - There's only one path out of this valley of gloom. There's only one sure bet to beat the boreds. - Gather your things. We're going to vacation! I'm packed. Let's go!
ga840419 -- How much are the plane tickets? ...uh, do you have anything cheaper? - That could be fatal! - I don't think they want out business, Garfield. Where's the competition for the low rollers these days?
ga840420 -- Thank you very much. - Garfield, I had to book our vacation all third-class. I hope you don't mind. That's okay. - It's still better than this fourth-class existence at home.
ga840421 -- Let's blow this joint, Garfield. - Hang on! - Where did you go? To give the refrigerator a goodbye kiss.
ga840422 -- Thank heavens for these reduced airline rates, Garfield. No frills, no food, no class. - Welcome to Inversion Layer Airlines, sir. In what section are you traveling? Uh...third class. - What section, sir? Third class. - I can't hear you!
ga840422 -- THIRD CLASS! - In the back with the rest of the slime, you vermin! - Why can't I get any respect, Garfield? In this game, you must BUY respect, my friend.
ga840423 -- I haven't seen a stewardess in hours, Garfield. - I'm going to find out what's going on around here. - Excuse me sir. How's the service on this airline?
ga840424 -- Hey! We're getting hungry here in third-class! What's to eat?! - BLAT! BLAT! - Hardtack and swill. Yum-yum. CONK! CONK!
ga840425 -- Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! - Mikey, it's not nice to make fun of people, even though they ARE traveling in third-class. - NO! GARFIELD, NO! LET ME HURT 'EM JUST A LITTLE BIT!
ga840426 -- - I know this is just the third-class exit from the plane, Garfield... - But you'd think they'd give us a ladder or something.
ga840427 -- I would like your cheapest room for me and my cat. Yes, sir. That would be the Jack Benny suite, sir. - Well, Garfield, there's the bed and the bathroom's down the hall. Any questions? Yes... - Where are YOU going to sleep?
ga840428 -- All I have to do is unpack, Garfield, and we'll be ready for some rest and relaxation. - ARRRRGH! NOT ANOTHER PET TO TAKE CARE OF! - I don't think I can take any more surprises. Then don't look at what Odie did to your sport jacket.
ga840429 -- - You guys have a good time, but no digging in the sand, if you know what I mean? - Hey, baby! What's your sign? - Careful, buddy. She's MY girl. - Aw, go pound sand, you little twerp - - Well...I guess we are to do as he says, not as he
ga840429 -- does.
ga840430 -- Hey, Garfield! Are you ready to go play golf? - - Aren't you coming? On second thought, I think I'd rather stay in the room and watch the sink back-up
ga840501 -- ODIE! GET AWAY FROM THAT TREE! GARFIELD! GET OUT OF THAT SAND TRAP! - Would you mind observing proper golf etiquette there, mister? - I'm sorry, but my pets are driving me nuts. It's the outfit I'm talking about.
ga840502 -- CRACK! - Oh, no! I hit an old lady in the head and knocked her out cold! - What should I do, Garfield? I'd straighten that left arm and turn that right hand over more.
ga840503 -- - ROWR! - GARFIELD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THAT SAND TRAP? Squatting on a sandburg, thank you.
ga840504 -- Well, boys, it's been a nice vacation, but it's time to head home. - Good heavens! What happened to you guys?! - Odie discovered how to dial room service. Burp.
ga840505 -- Here we are! Home sweet home! - ARRRGH! - OKAY; WHO LEFT THE FAUCET RUNNING?! I didn't want my sponge collection to dry out.
ga840506 -- - MY BED! ODIE'S SLEEPING IN MY BED! - This calls for a good stomping! - STOMP STOMP STOMP - - - So much for my french bread and olive collection.
ga840507 -- Some people wonder why I hate mondays. - Maybe I'm fatalistic. - But I suspect I'm just stupid.
ga840508 -- scratch scratch scratch - WHAM! - I'm not very fond of Tuesday, either.
ga840509 -- I am absolutely not getting out of bed today. - Hey, Garfield. There's a spider on your blanket. - I keep forgetting we live in a generation without absolutes.
ga840510 -- I'll teach him to be a spider! STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP - He won't have the guts to do that again. - STOMP STOMP Better safe than sorry. STOMP STOMP STOMP
ga840511 -- Look at this. - A cat stroking his owner! - Why so affectionate, Garfield? I just squashed a spider.
ga840512 -- - SLUG - Big day.
ga840513 -- - Fetch the stick, Odie! - - -
ga840514 -- I'm lonely. I think I'll see if I can find Arlene. - Hi there. You two-timing swine! - What happened?
ga840515 -- Hi, Arlene. DON'T SPEAK TO ME, YOU CAD, I SAW YOU WITH THAT OTHER WOMAN! - Oh come on now, do I look like the kind of guy who could easily attract women? I suppose you're right. And just what do you mean by that?
ga840516 -- Here is your dinner, my dear. BLAT - Is this food fresh? Ha ha ha, why of course! - This is only yesterday's newspaper.
ga840517 -- Aren't you going to join me for dinner, Garfield? Uh...no thank you. I'm on a diet. - A diet?! How long have you been on a diet? - Oh, for about 18 seconds now.
ga840518 -- Ho hum... - Why do we see each other? It beats being lonely. - I was hoping for something more romantic. That's way down the list.
ga840519 -- - Is our date over? Did it begin? - Some women don't appreciate us strong, silent types.
ga840520 -- tappity tappity tappity - Good evening, folks. Here's a joke...what did the beaver say when he heard the chain saw? - CHUKONG! - Chirp Chirp They're playing my song. - All of your mothers wear army boots. - KONG CRASH! BAP! - Why do you do
ga840520 -- it, Garfield? I loooove the attention.
ga840521 -- I hate Monday. That's the day people go back to work, kids go back to school... - - And diets begin.
ga840522 -- Garfield, you're too fat. I can't help it. - I have a slow metabolism. - A reeeeeeal slow metabolism.
ga840523 -- Do you know what I hate about diets? - Eating is social. - But when you diet, you diet alone.
ga840524 -- I think I have a way out of this diet. - I know I'm too fat for a cat... - But, I'm just right for a bumblebee!
ga840525 -- How goes the diet, Garfield? - ROAR - What was that?! That was my stomach, you twit.
ga840526 -- - AYIEEEEE! - Everyone's a critic. cough weeze
ga840527 -- * - Oh no! - I've tangle wit that dog before. - If I take my eyes off him, he'll clobber me! - I can't stand it. - WHONGO! - Why did you do that? I hit him back first.
ga840528 -- I hate mondays. Garfield, I don't know why you hate mondays so much. - BLAT! - SEE?!!!
ga840529 -- Good morning, Garfield. - I made your coffee just like you like it. - Strong.
ga840530 -- Oh shucks, I just spilled the only cup of coffee we have in the house. - -
ga840531 -- * ROWR * - WHOCK! - Garfield, where did the flowers come from? Well, why don't we just read the note?
ga840601 -- You like to scratch things, don't you, Garfield? Does a chicken like to peck? Sure I do! - Good! Scratch my back. - NO CLAWS! NO CLAWS! If I didn't use claws, I wouldn't be scratching, now would I?
ga840602 -- Scratch higher, Garfield. - Higher! - Get off the curtains, Garfield. I was just following instructions.
ga840603 -- grrrr - RRRRRR Jon's best shoes! - Sometimes Odie makes me so angry, I could just scream. - - - - ARRRRRGH!
ga840604 -- Good morning, boys and girls. Good morning, uncle Roy. - I love you just the way you are. I love you too, uncle Roy. - I also love mondays. Stick it in your ear, uncle Roy.
ga840605 -- Good morning, boys and girls. I love you just the way you are. Everybody loves uncle Roy. - You are kind, thoughtful, obedient and considerate. - Not to mention intelligent, witty and charming. We all know uncle Roy is a liar, but we don't
ga840605 -- care.
ga840606 -- Here we are in a real factory, boys and girls. Let's see what we can learn... - ARRRRRGH! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! - SHUT THIS **!* THING OFF. Uncle Roy is learning never to wear loose clothing around big machinery.
ga840607 -- Good morning, boys and girls. You are probably wondering where my dog, Bob, is this morning. - Wellll...it seems old Bob bit Mr. Blue Jeans the mailman once too often... - So Bob has decided to move to a local research facility to pursue a
ga840607 -- career as a laboratory animal. And I'm Frank Sinatra.
ga840608 -- Let's play pretend, boys and girls. Let's pretend it's contract negotiation time for uncle Roy... - And there are big green monsters who want to take uncle Roy off the air... - And the only thing that can save uncle Roy are letters saying how
ga840608 -- much you love uncle Roy. I hate to see a grown man grovel.
ga840609 -- Looks who's come to visit, boys and girls. It's Jerry the Cat. Hi, Jerry. Hi, uncle Roy. - How are you? I'm fine, How are you? Uncle Roy is getting pretty bizarre. - How's your mother? She's fine. Who'd be dumb enough to believe there is a
ga840609 -- talking cat?
ga840610 -- Hey, Jon, Look at this! - Hey, Jon. Watch me! - Jon doesn't pay any attention to me anymore. Watch this. - Hey, Jon! - Hey, Jon! - Hey, Garfield? What, Jon? - I don't pay any attention to me anymore.
ga840611 -- - - Don't you dare. I don't know what you're talking about.
ga840612 -- Every morning for nearly six years now, I fix raisin toast for Garfield. - He loves his raisin toast. - What's in the drawer? A six-year supply of raisins.
ga840613 -- * crack - OH, YUK! - It's not often you see a yolk with a beak.
ga840614 -- How would you like your bacon prepared, Garfield? Let's shoot for recognizable. - Jon is a terrible cook. He could ruin cereal. - Bacon flambe, yum yum.
ga840615 -- An interesting thing about food... - One minute it may be haute cuisine. - But the instant you put it into the sink, it becomes garbage.
ga840616 -- Here's your cereal, Garfield. - What's the matter? Aren't you hungry? Not really. - I think one of the flakes just moved.
ga840617 -- - I'm going to kick Odie off this table. - And he'll probably sprain something and have to go to the vet. - And I'll get lonely without him. - And Jon will be angry without me. - And the humane society will want to lynch me. - But nobody said
ga840617 -- life was a rose garden.
ga840618 -- I can't believe I turn six years old tomorrow. Some cats say, "Life begins at six," but I don't buy that. - Old age may take its toll on some cats, but it's not going to happen to me! I'm going to do something about it! - Right after my nap.
ga840619 -- Happy birthday, Garfield! I got you a rubber chicken. They're lots of fun! We'll see about that. - SMACK SPLUT - Chicken, you and I are going to have some good times.
ga840620 -- You need a name, fella. Let's see...what do you name a rubber chicken? - rrrrr - "Stretch"!
ga840621 -- peck peck peck - SMACK! - I'll have some ham and eggs, and my friend, Stretch, will have a bowl of rubber bands.
ga840622 -- peck peck peck - STOP PECKING ME WITH THAT RUBBER CHICKEN! - Aw, look, you just hurt Stretch's feelings. He brings out the worst in me.
ga840623 -- Pooky, I would like you to meet Stretch, my rubber chicken. - Quite frankly, Pooky and Stretch don't have a lot of personality. - But you have to trade off something when you surround yourself with good listeners.
ga840624 -- - YAWN It's bed-bye time again. - Tonight I think I'll take a deep breath, slowly close my eyes and savor the heavy feeling of sleep gradually overtaking my body. PAT! PAT! PAT! - Then again it would be fun to have a cup of coffee and toss
ga840624 -- and turn for a couple of hours, then sleep till noon. - Or maybe I'll run around the block, collapse into bed exhausted and fall asleep instantly. - Or I could watch the all-night movies on TV until my eyelids get so heavy I couldn't possibly
ga840624 -- hold them open any longer. - Sigh...so much sleeping to do and so few nights.
ga840625 -- Garfield, I think you're too mean to Odie. - I never want to see you hit him again. Oh, very well. - KONK!
ga840626 -- I'm going to the store, Garfield. If you lay a paw on Odie, I'll spank you. - - BOING
ga840627 -- Garfield, I swear you've done everything to Odie a cat could do to a dog. Au contraire. - PLINK - Never underestimate me.
ga840628 -- Hey, Odie! I found your nose! - Let me put it on for you, pal. squik squik - Very nice. I like you as a rat terrier.
ga840629 -- Well, well, well. I see you're eating my food, Odie. Now what are going to do with you? - We are going to kick you into next week! That's what we're going to do! PUNT - Where's Odie? Somewhere over saturday.
ga840630 -- Lunch isn't the same without Odie. He always slips up behind me, barks loudly and makes me fall into my food. - I guess I 'll just have to make do. - BLUT
ga840701 -- - I believe you're gaining weight, Garfield. I believe your eyeballs are shrinking. - Look at that soft belly. That's just water retention. - Now why do you suppose you're looking larger? An optical illusion? - The older you get', the bigger
ga840701 -- you get. Bigger-boned maybe. - You're fat, Garfield. I am not fat! - My center of gravity is just getting lower.
ga840702 -- I have this nagging feeling I'm forgetting something. - WHUMP! - Oh yes, I forgot I kicked Odie into next week, last week.
ga840703 -- Pooky loves me, I can tell. - He doesn't talk, he doesn't walk, he doesn't think. -  a little nothing goes a long way.
ga840704 -- I'm working up a routine for the fence tonight, Pooky. Tell me what you think of it. - I knew a teddy bear who was so ugly, even the tide wouldn't take it out. - BLAT!
ga840705 -- Good evening, ladies and germs. I'd like you to meet Pooky, my gag writer. - SPLAT - Welcome to the show biz, kid.
ga840706 -- Jump through the hoop, Pooky. - Hey, Garfield, what's happening? I'm pretending to teach Pooky tricks. -
ga840707 -- Butterflies are versatile. They can caress the air. - They can kiss the dew from the flowers. - And they can embed themselves in radiators. FWAP!
ga840708 -- scritch scritch - I'll be darned. These labels are loose. - * - It's the old "Cats get the tuna while the owner get the cat food" gag. - - Surprise, Garfield! I fixed us a tuna noodle casserole. - Oh, well, I guess a half a surprise is better
ga840708 -- than none at all.
ga840709 -- Garfield, I know you hate mondays. - But everything that could possibly happen to you has already happened. - Au contraire, power failure breath.
ga840710 -- Since we can't watch TV during a power failure, Garfield, what say we listen to the radio? - Ha ha! Do I feel stupid. That's because you ARE stupid. CLICK CLICK - How about a game of cards? No, thanks. I'm just going to sit here and cry for a
ga840710 -- while.
ga840711 -- I've learned something from this power failure, Garfield. - When you are deprived of your eyesight, isn't it amazing how much keener your other senses become? - Huh?
ga840712 -- Don't worry, Garfield. The power failure may have spoiled the food in the refrigerator... - But we still have lots of canned goods. - Now where's our electric opener? ARRRGH!
ga840713 -- Hey, Garfield, as long as the power is off, we might as well go out. - I have my bowling ball. Let's go bowling. - Get your fingers out of my eyes and your thumb out of my mouth, and I'll consider it.
ga840714 -- - Great! The power's back on! I can't think of anything worse than a power failure. - How about two power failures?
ga840715 -- Z Z - BABOOM! - SHOOP ZOOM - Allright you guys, get out of here. It's only a little thunderstorm. - Pets...they're just like kids. - CRACK KABOOM! - Urf! Give me some room, will you? Hey! Your feet are cold!
ga840716 -- And now, a word from our sponsor. - Hey, America. Here's a cat food we bet your cat will love. - You're on.
ga840717 -- Good morning, old buddy. - ARRRGH! That's only a piece of lint, Garfield. - It sure does a great spider impression.
ga840718 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - Odie isn't really stupid. BONK - He's just chased one too many parked cars.
ga840719 -- Okay, you turkeys, I'm prepared for anything. - * AROOO * - CRASH!
ga840720 -- Garfield, if you mess with my new fish, you'll regret it. - What's so regrettable about a little seafood snack? - Jon's going to pay for this.
ga840721 -- - Well, well, Odie. I see you derive great pleasure from other's misfortune. - So do I! SNAP!
ga840722 -- - Garfield, where are yoooooou? - Get out of the breadbox, Garfield! - Get out from under the chair, Garfield! - Garfield, you know I hate it when you hide from me! - Oh, well. I'll find him sooner or later. There's only so many places a fat
ga840722 -- slob like him can hide. - Get out of the bookcase, Garfield.
ga840723 -- You sleep too much, Garfield. - Sometimes I do feel bad about sleeping so much. - What with all the insomniacs in China.
ga840724 -- What Odie needs is a good kick. - Uh-oh! Nap attack! - I don't even want to know. Z
ga840725 -- Z - Z SNORT! SNORT! Z
ga840726 -- Z - Z Whimper - No, Odie, Garfield isn't dead. He's just a hardcore sleeper.
ga840727 -- Are you going to sleep all day, Garfield? Let me check my social calendar. - Let's see...there's high tea with the Queen of England tomorrow, but nothing today. - Z Ask a stupid question...
ga840728 -- YAWN What a great night's sleep! - I'm ready to attack a fresh new day. - Good evening, Garfield. What's on the late movie?
ga840729 -- Good morning, Garfield. I'm hungry. - How would you like your egg prepared? I would like it hatched. - Raise it to young chickenhood on a diet of cracked corn, barley and sorghum molasses. - Then barbecue the dude.
ga840729 -- I should think a steak sauce and honey glaze would be nice. - - Scrambled? Scrambled.
ga840730 -- There's only one way to beat the heat today. - Where are you going, Garfield? To the beach. - Hello, beach.
ga840731 -- There's only one thing I  hate about the beach. - PONK! - It's always so crowded.
ga840801 -- GREAT! - - Surf's up!
ga840802 -- Garfield, I know you like to have fun... - But you look ridiculous. - Stand aside there, fella. Here comes my next wave.
ga840803 -- Okay, everyone out of the pool! I'm going swimming. - You! the one with the whistle-out! - I don't need a lifeguard.
ga840804 -- * - Rats. - I thought you were going swimming. The water was polluted.
ga840805 -- Hello, what have we here? - I think I'll draw something. - Hey, Garfield! This is a great drawing! Do you know what his means?! - A cat who can draw! We'll make millions. You'll be famous! - We'll tour the world! Live out a suitcase! You'll do
ga840805 -- thousands of drawings! - SLASH! - Why did you do that? Suddenly, life got too complicated.
ga840806 -- NO! NO! NO! DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! - ARRRGH! SOMEONE HELP ME! - Sometimes it's hard to fight primal instincts.
ga840807 -- Hello, lunch. - - Those bird's nets are deceptively large.
ga840808 -- Why do I do it? Why do I climb up trees when I can't climb down? - The neighborhood always turns out to see me. Then the fire department comes to get me. Then my picture ends up in the newspaper. - I just answered my own question.
ga840809 -- Oh good! Here comes a fireman to save me! - Terrific. Why do I always get the fat ones? - And the ones who are sensitive about their weight?
ga840810 -- I'm getting sleepy. - If birds can sleep in trees, so can I. - Z
ga840811 -- If I truly believe I'm a bird, I might be able to flap my arms and fly out of this tree. - I'm a bird! I'm a bird! - I hope birds' bones knit quickly.
ga840812 -- Ballet slippers? Uh-oh, Jon's getting weird on me. - See the ballet slippers I'm giving my niece, Garfield? I wish I had ballet slippers. - I'll let this niece has never been on pointe. - Or done a jete. - Or a pirouette. - POW! - What
ga840812 -- happened? I had a ballet slipper blow out on a bourree.
ga840813 -- - WHAP! - Sometime, somewhere, when you are least expecting it...Monday strikes.
ga840814 -- What's wrong with this picture? - There's no food in your bowl, Garfield. Give the man a cigar! Fill it up, turkey. - I hate it when lower life forms are condescending to me.
ga840815 -- I've been taken! There was only one kernel of popcorn in this whole bag. - Oh, well, one's better than nothing. - POP!
ga840816 -- Good morning, fern. How about a drink of water, little friend? - How nice, Garfield, I'm glad to see you take an interest in my fern. - I'm fattening it for slaughter.
ga840817 -- Where is it written that humans must give cats milk in saucers?! Why not in cups or bowls or pans? - SPLASH - SEE?! I think Garfield is trying to tell me something.
ga840818 -- What is it, Garfield? - Pick me up. Too fat to hop on the table, huh? - One of these days, I'll learn.
ga840819 -- - - SCRIK - SLUCK - SHLONK - TUCK - I love rubber pets.
ga840820 -- I'm bored, bored, bored. I need something to spice up my week. - THAT'S IT. - The caped avenger returns.
ga840821 -- Uh-oh. - RUN FOR COVER, ODIE! - Make way for the caped avenger. - Garfield is fantasizing again.
ga840822 -- The caped avenger seeks out evil wherever it may lurk. - - As long as it isn't in dark scary places.
ga840823 -- The caped avenger will now descend upon an old archenemy. - BLAT! - The caped avenger forgot to correct for crosswind.
ga840824 -- Be careful, mere mortal man! That food may be poisoned! The caped avenger will taste it for you. - - It's okay. (burp) Enjoy.
ga840825 -- The caped avenger pauses to wash his cape. - - The hankied avenger plods on.
ga840826 -- Hmmm. - This ladder gives me a great idea. - I'm going to glue my feet to the ceiling. - And blow Jon's mind. - This is going to be fun. - Unless, of course, Jon doesn't see me. - Unless, of course, Jon goes to bed.
ga840827 -- Guess what, Garfield! We're going to the farm this week. - Whoopty-doo. Going to the farm is like going to the zoo... - Where they eat everything but th cats.
ga840828 -- Dad! Mom! - Jon Boy! Jonny! - I wish they'd call me by my real name. You're right, dummy.
ga840829 -- Doc Boy! Don't call me Doc Boy! - What's with him, dad? Ever since he started wearing long pants, he's hated the be called "Boy". - How long has that been? Since last thursday. A late bloomer.
ga840830 -- I know we're brothers, Doc Boy, but do you think we've grown apart since I moved to the city? Don't call me Doc Boy. - How would you like it if I called you a city slicker? I wouldn't like that. - DOC BOY! DOC BOY! DOC BOY! SLICKER! SLICKER!
ga840830 -- SLICKER! Boys! Boys! Boys!
ga840831 -- Well, Garfield, this week you learned where bacon comes from. Bacon comes from a pig. - And you learned where milk comes from. Milk comes from the udder of a cow. - Would you like to know where eggs come from? I would as soon that remain a
ga840831 -- mystery.
ga840901 -- Do you know what worries me, Garfield? - My grandfather was bald, my dad is bald and my brother is balding. Not to worry. - You are probably adopted.
ga840902 -- Garfield, when we get to the campsite, what's the first thing you'd like to do? Go home. - Here we are, boys. We're camping miles from nowhere. I'd say we're closer than that. - CLICK - Oh no! Odie locked himself in the car! The poor little
ga840902 -- guy could suffocate! I think I'm starting to enjoy camping. - Unlock the door, boy. Unlock the door. Breathe deeply, boy. - Something just occurred to me. Could it be...? Could it be, Odie isn't as stupid as he looks?
ga840903 -- Pwoooock, pwock, pwock, pwock. - - Don't look, Stretch! It's not a pretty sight!
ga840904 -- Pwoooock, pwock, pwock, pwock. - PUKUCK! PUKUCK! PUKUCK! - My rubber friend, Stretch, objects to your cannibalistic ways. I'd like to have just one meal in peace.
ga840905 -- Garfield, do you know how silly you look carrying that stupid rubber chicken around all the time? - FFFFF - Uh-oh, fella. Now you did it. You made Stretch mad.
ga840906 -- Are you in there, Garfield? - There ain't nobody here but us chickens. - I WILL NOT SPEAK TO YOUR RUBBER CHICKEN! Think of Stretch as my social secretary.
ga840907 -- Here, Stretch, have an apple. - - STOMP! POO! DONG!
ga840908 -- Okay, guys, get on your mark, get st, go! - - Competition is apparently not a driving force in their lives.
ga840909 -- Hello, I'm Nermal, the... "The world's cutest kitten." I know, I know. - Why, hello, Nermal. Aren't you cute. - I want some attention, too. BONK - Aw, poor little guy! - Well, two can play the sympathy game. - CRASH! - That was one of my best
ga840909 -- plates. That was one of my best heads.
ga840910 -- I love your purr, Garfield. Purrr - I wish there were a way to get the purr without the cat. Purrr - But I guess you have to take the bad with the good. You're treading on thin ice, fella.
ga840911 -- Ready for a gourmet meal, Garfield? - WHAM! - I hate spiders.
ga840912 -- One nice thing about confiding in pets is that they are non-judgmental. - Garfield, I got a speeding ticket today. - SMACK! That was a stupid thing to do.
ga840913 -- - Why, thank you, Garfield! - PSHHH
ga840914 -- Hee, hee, there's more than one way to skin a cat. - WHIRRRRR! How prophetic.
ga840915 -- Rats, Garfield fell asleep in the middle of the door. - Have you ever tried to pick up a sleeping cat? - It's impossible.
ga840916 -- * - Good morning, Garfield. Good morning, Jon. My rubber chicken, Stretch, needs a bath too. - SPLOOSH! - Sign here for this package, mister. - PAPER! BONK - HEY, WORLD! I'M TAKING A BATH! COME ON IN AND WATCH! I'll be right back. I'm sure
ga840916 -- the man's joking, Reba.
ga840917 -- - - It's diet time, Garfield. I was afraid of that.
ga840918 -- In order to properly diet, you must change your eating habits, Garfield. - You must look at food differently. - Ha ha ha, Garfield.
ga840919 -- Let's measure your tummy, Garfield. - When you take four inches of your waist, you may go off your diet. - And that doesn't count.
ga840920 -- You may have coffee on your diet, Garfield. - Thank goodness. - This diet isn't going to be as bad as I thought.
ga840921 -- For once in my life, a diet worked. - I'm going to treat myself to a potato chip. - poomp! Rats.
ga840922 -- - Let's see how I did on my diet this week. Whimper. Oh, shut up.
ga840923 -- Good morning, sunshine, poke poke poke - Hey, Garfield, what's all this junk in your bed? - This isn't junk, this is my stuff. - I use this brass lizard to scratch my back. - And here is some extra cat hair for your food, and a double corncob
ga840923 -- that is a family heirloom. - And this is my bean-filled whack-bonk. What does that do? - WHACK! BONK
ga840924 -- It's Monday morning. A cold. gray, dizzy Monday morning. - Some dude with a trumpet is wailin' some blues on the radio and my breakfast is cold. * *  - It's all so perfectly depressing I can't wipe this smile off my face. *
ga840925 -- Hold it right there. I always want to remember you like this. - As the kind, benevolent provider. - Trying to poison me with that cat food!
ga840926 -- munch smack slurp - Uh-oh! - Quickfood.
ga840927 -- - BARK! BLUT! - Twenty years from now I'm going to look back on this and LAAAAAAUGH. rowr fffft!!
ga840928 -- What are you doing with your teddy bear, Garfield? - Pooky and I are having lunch. We do everything together. I swear. - You cats have the strangest habits.
ga840929 -- Oh, come on, Garfield. The cat food isn't that bad. - Then let's see how YOU like it! - mmm good. YOU LIE!
ga840930 -- - - - - - - I thought fat people were jolly.
ga841001 -- Look at all those poor saps trudging to work on a Monday morning. - Ha ha ha, you poor saps, you have to go to work and I don't 'cause I'm a cat! - If I weren't me, I wouldn't like me very much.
ga841002 -- It's a real rat race out there. - Everybody striving to get ahead. - I think I'll go take a nap and fall off the pace.
ga841003 -- - SUCK - He's so lazy, I could just cry. Burp
ga841004 -- I got you something special, Garfield. - It's too light for food, and you can't wrap sleep. - It can't be THAT special.
ga841005 -- Good night, Garfield. - *CLICK* Don't let the thing in the closet get you. - Don't do that to me!
ga841006 -- I think I'll try a two-and-a-half nap attack in the pike position with a half twist. - - I'll settle for a belly-flop. Z
ga841007 -- - - - - HEY, HUBERT! REBA! COME HERE, QUICK! - Play cowboy and horsy, boys. Do a handstand, Garfield. Balance on Garfield, Odie. Sad. He should get out of the house more.
ga841008 -- This feels like a great day to spend in bed. - Hop up, Garfield. We're gooing on a picnic! Give the bugs and snakes my regrets. I ain't going. - I'll get you for this, Monday!
ga841009 -- What's this? I packed the microwave for our picnic. - Well, I'm leaving it here. - WHA...! If the television stays, I stay.
ga841010 -- Wait 'til you taste my cherry pie, Garfield. It's the world's best. - I agree. - 22 million ants can't all be wrong.
ga841011 -- The picnic's all set, Garfield. - Did I forget anything? - You forgot the brick for the tablecloth.
ga841012 -- That pesky wind won't spoil our picnic now, Garfield. - Where's the mustard? - Under the third rock from the left.
ga841013 -- Well, Garfield, the ants ate my cherry pie. The wind blew the food everywhere. DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! - What else could possibly go wrong? - You said it!
ga841014 -- MUNCH SLURP SMACK GULP - Burp. Oh, boy, I ate too much pizza. Z - SHUFFLE SHUFFLE SHUFFLE - Who are you guys? We are your pizza nightmare. - I'm the pepperoni, and these here are the onions and the anchovies. - - And who are you? I'm the
ga841014 -- matto ball you ate three weeks ago.
ga841015 --  Good morning, folks! My oh my, it's a beautiful Monday morning out there. - Our weather radar shows clear skies with no rain in sight. - Except over one house in the suburbs.
ga841016 -- Our satellite picture shows clouds over the northeast, sunny skies in the southwest... - Traffic backed up on 12th street... - And my little niece, Sally, playing in her sandbox i Texas. Kind of scary, isn't it?
ga841017 -- Wuth. - You can always tell when Odie has been eating out of the refrigerator. - He gets his tongue stuck in the ice cube trax. Wuth.
ga841018 -- GULP MUNCH SLURP - Why do you eat so much, Garfield? - In a former life I was a sanitary landfill.
ga841019 -- Clouds are so interesting. I love to find shapes in them. - There's a chicken cloud, and a hamburger cloud, and a bicycle cloud. - And I do believe that one's a rain cloud.
ga841020 -- What do you think of my new frame, Garfield? - ARRRGH! - Thank heavens! For a moment I thought it was a mirror.
ga841021 -- - - PUCUCK! - ONE MORE STUNT LIKE THAT AND I'M GOING TO WRING YOUR RUBBER CHICKEN'S NECK! - - I'm sorry I snapped at you, Garfield? Will you forgive me? I forgive you. - SMACK! WHAP! But Stretch doesn't!
ga841022 -- Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. - Hey, Arlene, what's my most outstanding feature? You're fat. - Did you hear that? She admires me for my body.
ga841023 -- Do you love me more than you love food, Garfield? - Do chickens have lips? - No. Bingo.
ga841024 -- Aren't you ashamed of that space between your teeth? Of course not! - It's a sign of sensitivity. - I'd be sensitive about it too. I don't know what I see in him.
ga841025 -- Don't you just love sunrise, Garfield? The chirping of the birds...the crisp morning air. - The sound of bacon sizzling in the skillet...the smell of fresh brewed coffee. - I get the feeling we're watching two different channels.
ga841026 -- Why do you like bachelorhood, Garfield? I can sum it up in a word... - "uncomplicated" - That sounds simple. Simple, that's me.
ga841027 -- What is love to you, Garfield? Love is that exhilarating feeling you get when a vision of beauty comes walking to you. - In fact, I just had that experience. When you saw me? - When I saw my mirror this morning.
ga841028 -- - - - POO! - - KONK! - The harder you work for something, the more you appreciate it.
ga841029 -- Garfield, there's a mouse in the house, and I'm just sick about it. - It chewed the toe out of my sock. - I want you to catch it and kill it. Now I'M sick about it.
ga841030 -- Good morning, mouse. Good morning, cat. - Make yourself at home. Gladly. - But first, some house rules.
ga841031 -- Hey, cat, gimme a drumstick. Sure. - Enjoy.
ga841101 -- What's your name, mouse? OK, gee. I don't think I have a name. - Oh, come on, what do people say when they meet you? - My name is Eek!
ga841102 -- We gotta give you a name, mouse. - How about Crusher? How about Bruiser? How about Cat killer? - How about Squeak? I like it.
ga841103 -- Here, Squeak, let me strap this key to your back. What's this for? - I don't remember buying you a toy mouse, Garfield. - Got the picture? You're a genius!
ga841104 -- - A dimly lit street corner at midnight. This puts me in the mood for some snappy patter. - Hey, good-lookin!. What's happening? Who are you? - Names aren't important. Some call me a soldier of fortune, some call me a renaissance man. You can
ga841104 -- call me "Major". I love men in uniform. - What say we go to Rick's Cafe Americain for a soda pop? I'm with you, big boy. - Here's lookin' at you, sweetheart. SMACK! Rats. I think I chucked her chin a little hard.
ga841105 -- Hide! Here comes my owner! - Why are we hiding? Jon wants me to eat you and I don't want to. - You're so nice! Thanks for thinking of me. I was thinking of me.
ga841106 -- Okay, Squeak, here's the game plan. Every now and then, you show up in front of Jon and dance around until I appear on the scene and chase you away. - In return, you get a nice home to live in, and I get to keep my job. - This is a strange
ga841106 -- world we live in. You gotta play by the rules.
ga841107 -- Here's your cat food, Garfield. - A MOUSE! - That must be the surprise at the bottom of the box.
ga841108 -- Hey, Squeak, I found a great place for you to live! - Jon will never think to look for you in this old log cabin. - Nice, huh? Is it in a good school system?
ga841109 -- Thanks for the house, Garfield. A man needs a place to call his own. This is great! Don't mention it, kid. - -
ga841110 -- Listen carefully, Squeak. This is a mousetrap. Never, NEVER touch the tab in the center of it. - You mean, this little tab here? - This boy does not take direction well. Hey! That hurt!
ga841111 -- - - WAH HA HA HA! - What a great sundae! Nothing can spoil my day. - SCRATCH SCRATCH - OH NO! MONDAY IS COMING!
ga841112 -- GARFIELD! COME HERE! - "Garfield" this, "Garfield" tah. I'm sick of my name. - HEY, FLEABAG! COME HERE! Then again: "Garfield" does have a certain ring on it.
ga841113 -- OH NO! A FLEA! I'M GETTING YOU A FLEA COLLAR, GARFIELD. Let's not be too hasty here. - Look at those distinctive yellow and green markings there. - This flea is a member of a rare species of vegetarians.
ga841114 -- Well, there's your new flea collar, Garfield. - Wait a minute, there's a disclaimer on this box. "Warning: while this collar will repel fleas..." - "It has been known to attract sharks."
ga841115 -- DON'T TAKE THAT FLEA COLLAR OFF, GARFIELD! Who needs it? - -
ga841116 -- You have a pretty grim flea problem there, Odie. - That's not a very strong flea collar. -
ga841117 -- Did I ever tell you about my crazy uncle Berle? He thought he was a dog. - The poor guy was always exhausted. - He kept chasing himself up trees.
ga841118 -- Can we talk? - I would like to speak to you about how wonderful cats are. - Unlike dogs, they always land on their feet. - They are more calm than dogs. ROWR! - Every movement is a deliberate statement of grace and beauty. - And when it comes
ga841118 -- to coordination, they are far superior to dogs. WHAP! - BARK ! BARK!
ga841119 -- Doc Boy! How's my favorite little brother? - Oh, things are pretty much the same here, wild parties, good times, the usual... - Uh, you say you're coming to visit? It's put up or shut up time.
ga841120 -- What am I going to do, Garfield? My brother is coming to visit from the farm. - He thinks I live life in the fast lane. "Life in the parking lot" is more like it. - I don't know where he got the idea. It was when you told him you were
ga841120 -- negotiating movie rights to your diary.
ga841121 -- There's my brother now. * DING DONG - Welcome to the big city, doc Boy! Let the good times roll! - Another soda pop? No, I think I'll have some more of that fun-filled popcorn. I'm going to like Doc Boy.
ga841122 -- I'm so embarrassed. Doc Boy comes all the way from the farm just to find out what a loser I am. The truth always hurts. - Hey, where are all those "good times" you promised me? What would you like to do? - Let's go to the airport and watch
ga841122 -- the airplanes land. Whatever you say, wild man! Jon just got off the hook.
ga841123 -- Oh, by the way, Doc Boy, I've fixed us up on a double date. HEY, GREAT! - What's a double date? That's when you and I go on a date together. - Gee, it seems like it would be more fun if some girls came along. There's no hope.
ga841124 -- DOC BOY! OUR DATES ARE HERE! - EEEEEEK! - Can we talk? Can we laugh?
ga841125 -- Z - SNORT! BLINK BLINK BLINK - Rats! It's 4 A.M. and I'm wide awake. - Fortunately, I know what to do. - CLICK - ARRRRRGH! - If I can't sleep, neither will anyone else.
ga841126 -- I wonder who that could be, Doc Boy. DING DONG . Dad! Mom! What are you doing here!? We missed you boys, okay? - A little paint, a few curtains, a woman's touch, this could be nice! My dad, the sentimental fool. My mom, the cliche.
ga841127 -- Your visit is such a surprise, mom. When's the last time you and dad went out? We haven't been off the farm since '53. I don't believe that. - Good heavens! What's this? That's an indoor toilet, dad. - WOO-HA! AIN'T SCIENCE SOMETHIN'? FLUSH
ga841127 -- NOW I believe it.
ga841128 -- - You awake, Jon? click OF COURSE NOT, DAD! IT'S 5 A.M.! WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP? - I GOTTA MILK SOMETHING! I'm leaving.
ga841129 -- You forgot this when you left home, Doc Boy. Thanks, mom, I haven't slept a wink without it. - Whatcha got there, Doc Boy? NOTHING! NOTHING! IT'S NOTHING! - Could it be a shred of your old blankie? Careful what you say about blankies,
ga841129 -- fella.
ga841130 -- Uh, mom...I wouldn't open that if I were you. - EEEK! - SOMETHING IN THERE MOVED! I'm sure it was just an optical illusion. GO ahead, tell her how the lunch meat has evolved into an intelligent life form.
ga841201 -- So long, son. We got a run. I miss my cows. Give them my best. - SEE YUH, DOC BOY! THANKS FOR DECORATING MY HOUSE, MOM! - Hello...undecorators? Jon is a man of good taste.
ga841202 -- - PILLOW FIGHT! WHAP! - You stay here. I'll be right back. - - AYIEEEEE - WHONGO! - What did you have in that pillow? I know this six-foot chicken.
ga841203 -- Garfield, I'm going to a cartoonists' convention, and the motel where I'm staying won't accept pets. - Sorry, Odie. You can't go. - Garfield, YOU are a pet. snap! Rats! I keep forgetting.
ga841204 -- I'm leaving for the cartoonists' convention now, Garfield. There's a week's worth of food for you. A week's worth, huh? - - It was more like 11 seconds' worth.
ga841205 -- I hope Jon comes back from that convention soon. - I hope I can survive this week on my own. - CLICK I hope this door isn't locked.
ga841206 -- What a tragic scenario..."Owner leaves for week...cat locks self out of house...cat starves in front porch". - Hey, wait a minute? I control my destiny! I don't have to starve on the front porch! - "Cat starves in bushes".
ga841207 -- As long as I'm locked out of the house, I guess I'll strike out in search of food. - Gee, this neighborhood doesn't look familiar to me. - Oh, no! Where am I?
ga841208 -- I gotta figure a way to meet some chicks. - You got a problem there, guy? - Striking manly poses doesn't seem to be doing it.
ga841209 -- * - * - Rats! There's an alley full of mean guys waiting to beat me up! - Maybe they won't hurt me if I look mean, too. - Hey! It's working! - - Someday, I'm going to learn precisely where that fine line is, and I'm never going to cross it
ga841209 -- again!
ga841210 -- Garfield! I'm back from the convention! Where are you, big guy? ...Garfield? - Oh, no! This is terrible! Garfield didn't get locked out or anything, did he, Odie? - Yup.
ga841211 -- Hello, Garfield. Do I know you? - Let me give you a hint...sit up straight, Don't talk with your mouth full. Wake up, sleepyhead. - MOM!
ga841212 -- It's great seeing you again, mom. Yes, it's been a while. - It seems like only yesterday. - This was your first bed. It HAS been a while.
ga841213 -- Mom, I don't recognize this place. I thought I was born in the kitchen of an Italian restaurant. It closed years ago, darling. - It's all gone! Where's the pasta? The people? The pasta? The excitement? The pasta? - You always did love to eat.
ga841213 -- Sniff...old habits are hard to break.
ga841214 -- Father, this is your grandson, Garfield. He will be staying with us for a while. - If you're going to stay here, boy, you're going to be a mouser like the rest of us. - So this is my grandson and you son, huh? Maybe they switched kittens in
ga841214 -- the maternity ward.
ga841215 -- If I have to be a mouser to stay here, grandpa, I'll do it! I have made a name for myself in the mousing game. - Then eat that mouse. ARRRGH!!! Please! Please don't make me eat it! - I'd rather swallow my pride than that mouse.
ga841216 -- RRRRR Okay, okay. Let's get something to eat. - - No cats allowed! - - - - I've been human for 10 minutes now, but I haven't forgotten my roots.
ga841217 -- Gee, I miss having Garfield around. I even miss the abuse. - RRR! - Thanks, Odie, but it just isn't the same.
ga841218 -- I'd love to catch your mice, grandpa, But I haven't seen any worthy of my time, got anything bigger? Bring on the training mouse! - - Me and my big mouth.
ga841219 -- I'm sorry I can't stay, mom. It's for the best, dear. You'd better hurry home. It's almost Christmas. - Christmas! I almost forgot! - I also forgot I'm lost.
ga841220 -- Well, this is just great. I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm tired... - It's snowing to beat the band, and I haven't the foggiest idea where I am. - While everyone else is having a white Christmas, I'm going to have a white lost.
ga841221 -- I'm cold, I'm hungry and I'm tired. - They say, in cases like this, you should fight sleep. - I say, why fight an old friend?
ga841222 -- Garfield! Wake up! You're near home! - Huh? Mom? Wha...?! - Wow...it never looked better.
ga841223 -- - This is going to be one sad Christmas without Garfield. - SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH - - BLAT! - GARFIELD! SPEAK TO ME! ARE YOU OKAY?! - Actually, yes. I just thought it would be more dramatic this way.
ga841224 -- I missed you so much, Garfield! This is going to be the best Christmas ever, because you're here. Jon? - You never realize how much you love someone until they go away. tap tap tap Jon? Jon? Jon? - What is it, Garfield? Read my lips. I'm
ga841224 -- hungry!
ga841225 -- MERRY CHRISTMAS, BOYS. - There's nothing like having the whole family together at Christmas, right? -
ga841226 -- Hey, Garfield, a late Christmas package arrived for you from my mom. OH NO! - Why, it's your annual Christmas sweater! I'll bet you thought she forgot. There was always the hope. - You should send her a "thank you" now. I'll get a letter bomb
ga841226 -- out immediately.
ga841227 -- I'll give you 10 zillion dollars for that cup of coffee. - There you go again! Every, I say, EVERY MORNING you steal my coffee. GUSH - Aw, isn't that sweet? Our little ritual.
ga841228 -- Why is it my coffee cups keep disappearing? - - AHA! I must have a word with the maid.
ga841229 -- When you own pets, you get hardened to the fact they will be around your food. - Lose something, Garfield? Nope, here's my stripe. -
ga841230 -- It's that time of year again. - This year I resolve to lose weight, exercise more and sleep less. - - Then what are you going to do after you've accomplished all that? - I suppose you're going to be nice to Odie and kowtow to Jon and lick the
ga841230 -- mailman's boots! - I DON'T LIKE YOU ALREADY. - Once again I've survived a new year with my vices intact.
ga841231 -- Hey, Garfield, get up. A new year is almost upon us! Great! Wake me next year. - Come on. I'm having a party tonight and I want you to be there. If you insist.
ga850101 -- That was some new year's celebration last night, wasn't it, Garfield? Did anyone get the license number of the party that hit me? - Are you going to get up today? No way! I got up yesterday and look what happened to me! - Not feeling well,
ga850101 -- huh? It would take two of me to feel worse.
ga850102 -- I don't mind grocery shopping. - And I don't mind carrying them home. - This is the part I dread.
ga850103 -- As long as you're in the way, why don't you find a place to put these groceries. - GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - I wanted you to put them in the pantry! Urp...that can be arranged.
ga850104 -- Okay, guys, I have a new house rule. - From now on no pets are allowed on the furniture. - Harf! Harf! Harf! Wah! Ha! Ha! I don't get no respect.
ga850105 -- - One thing I love about Odie... - He's so pushoffable.
ga850106 -- I'm bored. - I'm bored, bored, bored. - Wait a minute! I control my own destiny! I'll create an exclusive country club resort. - First, I'll put some sandbox sand in the sunbeam. - Replete with the usual resort accouterments. - Hey, what a
ga850106 -- great idea! - I wonder how he got by the membership committee.
ga850107 --  Well, the holidays are finally over and the ol' waistline has explored new vistas. pat pat - It is time to declare another NATIONAL FAT WEEK. We shall tell skinny jokes and revel in our fat. - I'm talking about you, chubby.
ga850108 -- We fat people get a lot more out of life. We eat big. We drink big, we laugh big. - HAR! HAR! HAR! - Are you okay, Garfield? You wouldn't understand, skinny person.
ga850109 -- Being skinny isn't always a bed of roses. - It must be tough wearing suspenders to hold your socks up. - I knew a guy who was so skinny, he had to step on the scales twice to weight himself!
ga850110 -- I think skinny people are funny... - Their pants keep falling down. thump thump thump - I knew a kid who was so skinny, all he could wear was a hat!
ga850111 -- Don't eat that pie! It's fattening! Eat it! - You'll regret it tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes! - FLIP I'd be thinner if my conscience were quicker-witted.
ga850112 -- Fat people are healthier than skinny people in many ways... - For instance, no fat person has ever been diagnosed as having vatorphobia. - That, of course, is the fear of starving to death in a stuck elevator.
ga850113 -- This is my lucky day. - - Wha...? SCRIIICK POOF! - It grew back! - I've discovered the bottomless pan of lasagna! - BLIP - I knew it! I knew it! I knew it was too good to be true!
ga850114 -- - SLUP! - THAT WAS MY LAST CUP OF COFFEE! I spilled some. You can suck it out of my sweater.
ga850115 -- What are you watching, Garfield? I don't know. - Who's the lead character? I don't know. - What's the plot? Hey! I'm watching television! Stop making me think, okay?
ga850116 -- SLURP GULP BURP SMACK ERP - OH YUK! How disgusting! There's a people hair in my cat food!
ga850117 -- One of my pet peeves is people who never finish what they start. - I do not happen to be one of those people. - My philosophy is, "never start anything."
ga850118 -- BLAT! Oops! - Clean that up, Garfield. Patience, my friend. - There are people to do those things. ZIP!
ga850119 -- OOOOO - BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! - I'll bite. What is it? A dummy detector.
ga850120 -- - tappity tappity tappity -  tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - - BONK! - PANT PANT plunk - CLAP CLAP CLAP Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
ga850121 -- zip! - Hey! Give my napkin back! - Smile when you speak to Sumo Cat, fella.
ga850122 -- Sumo Cat has studied Sumo wrestling for years. - Sumo Cat has mastered the most dreaded tricks of his trade. - SNAP!
ga850123 -- Sumo Cat assumes the classic Sumo wrestling position. - There is only one tiny drawback to this position... - Severe cramping!
ga850124 -- Karate Cat demonstrates his art on a table leg. - HIIYAH! SNAP! - Karate Cat also demonstrates incredible lack of foresight.
ga850125 -- Most practitioners of Karate are impervious to pain. - HIIYAH! SMACK! - I happen to be of the previous to pain persuasion.
ga850126 -- For your pleasure, I, Judo Cat, will lay a basic move on this hapless bystander. - SMACK! - Leave it up to a dumb dog's rubber tongue to make a mockery of the martial arts.
ga850127 -- - Fetch the apple, Odie. - - I send Odie to fetch an apple, and he brings back an apple pie. I think I'm onto something here. - Fetch the T-bone, Odie, my boy. -
ga850128 -- Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the cutest cat of all? - Hi there. - Don't answer that.
ga850129 -- Do you know what I hate about you, Nermal? You're so one dimensional. - Oh yeah? And what dimension is that? - YOUTH!
ga850130 -- Nermal, you're cute, but you're not very bright. Doesn't that bother you? - Oh no. - I figure I'll grow out of this cute stage sooner or later. I rest my case.
ga850131 -- Nermal, would you rather have your good looks or my intellect? - My good looks. - I have years and years to get your intellect. That hurt.
ga850201 -- Nermal, would you like to be like me when you grow up? - Gosh yes! I'd like to be like you when I grow up. - And up, and up, and out, and out, and up. That boy may not see his next birthday.
ga850202 -- I gotta go, Garfield. I'm posing for a cat calendar. - How does one pose for a calendar? One moment. - That's very good. Cute is my life.
ga850203 -- Hey, Odie! Look at this! - It's snowing! Let's go out and catch snowflakes on our tongues! - - Here comes a world record! - - Ooo, that's a very impressive collection. - Surprise boys! I fixed a feast for you! No thanks. We just ate. Urp.
ga850204 -- SPLUT! - OH NO! - Yup...it's splut week.
ga850205 -- - - SPLUT!
ga850206 -- ssssssss - sssssssss - sssSSSSPLUT!
ga850207 -- Good evening, ladies and germs! - SPLUT! SPLUT! SPLUT! - Thank you for that generous round of spluts!
ga850208 -- SPLUT! - Hey, wait a minute! Shoes don't go "splut"! - SPLUT! That's more like it.
ga850209 -- I'm tired of getting hit with pies all the time. - I'm going to find whoever is doing it, and I'm going to bite him. flick - SPLUT! SPLUT!
ga850210 -- - Good morning, Garfield. Hi there. - - - WHA?! - You're everywhere at once! How do you do that? Magic. - AMAZING! Thanks, guys.
ga850211 -- Can't you close your mouth to eat? You're hard to look at. - You mean, this bothers you? Yuk! - I see no humor in that, Garfield. Then why am I chortling?
ga850212 -- A house becomes a home once it's well established with cat hair. - Oh no! This is not a cat hair! It's a whisker! - I'm going bald!
ga850213 -- You're shedding again. What am I supposed to do with all this cat hair? Knit the world's largest hairball. - Trade it with your friends, start a mustache factory. - This is going nowhere. Insulate your house! Filter your coffee!
ga850214 -- Did you know there are three kinds of cat hair? There's the common, way to clean kind... - There's the kind that disappears into the carpet, never to be seen again. And then there's my favorite... - There's the kind that hangs in the air
ga850214 -- forever. LAND! DARN IT! LAND!
ga850215 -- Well, I've swept under the furniture, vacuumed my chair and shaken the rugs. I'm finally rid of all your cat hair. - - Fortunately, I keep an emergency supply in the back of my bed.
ga850216 -- You boys sure shed a lot. - Wha?! SHOOP! - The cat hair refuses to associate with the dog hair. sniff..
ga850217 -- DINNER TIME, GARFIELD! - I ran out of canned cat food. I'm sure you know what to do with this dried stuff. - I certainly do.  - - WHOAAA! - Enjoying your cat food, Garfield? We must have it more often.
ga850218 -- WHIRRR! - FWUMP! WHAT WAS THAT?! - Hi, Squeak! Get me out of here!
ga850219 -- How are you, Squeak? How would you feel if you got sucked up in a vacuum cleaner? - How humiliating! Me, a mouse, sucked up like a common piece of dirt. That's just my luck! What are the chances of that ever happening? - whirrrr SHOOP!
ga850219 -- Getting better all the time, I'd say.
ga850220 -- Hey, Garfield, I'm missing a slipper, two spools of thread and a button... - You don't know where they are, would you? I think I do... - May I have a word with you, Squeak? Vroom! Vroom!
ga850221 -- Why are people afraid of mice? Bad press, I guess. - Maybe it's because mice carried the black plague in 1348. I don't know what you're talking about. - As I recall, half of Europe died. - Picky, picky, picky.
ga850222 -- Would you look at that mousetrap?! Barbaric, isn't it. - You said it! A nice camembert or creamy brie would be worth going in after. - BUT THAT PROCESSED AMERICAN CHEESE IS AN INSULT TO MY PALATE! Precisely what I was saying.
ga850223 -- You're lazy, Garfield. Lazy, do you hear me? If you had any ambition, you could be anything you want. - Like the world's greatest mouser? - Lazy, I admire that in a cat.
ga850224 -- - Hmmm - click click - Okay, your move. - - GARFIELD! - How many times have I told you not to play with your food?
ga850225 -- Hey, Garfield, what say we have potatoes for dinner? - Gee, it's been a long time since I fixed potatoes. - Tell me about it.
ga850226 -- Trivia time, Garfield! - What's the only substance on earth harder than a diamond? - Your leftover pizza.
ga850227 -- I have just taken an inventory of your refrigerator. - !89 bottles of salad dressing with 1" in the bottom of each. 14 half empty bottles of catsup, 39 open cans of flat soda pop and 62 bread wrappers with the heels. - ORGANIZE YOURSELF!
ga850227 -- SMACK!
ga850228 -- EEEEK! - Clean your refrigerator out, Jon! The mystery meat crawled out of the tinfoil and snapped at me!
ga850301 -- knock knock Who's there? - Uhhh...candy gram? You can't fool me, mystery meat. You want out to wreak havoc. - Today the refrigerator, tomorrow the world!
ga850302 -- - I wonder if I should clean the refrigerator. - The bacon is gazing on the lettuce and he asks if the refrigerator needs cleaning.
ga850303 -- OH NO! - GARFIELD! YOU'RE SITTING IN MY SCRAMBLED EGGS! They're warm. - Okay, okay, here...enjoy. - NO, go ahead and sit in them, they're ruined now. RUINED? - JUST BECAUSE I STAY IN 'EM, IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR STUPID SCRAMBLED EGGS ARE DISEASED,
ga850303 -- YOU KNOW! - UNNNGH! EAT 'EM! EAT 'EM! - HUBERT! THE CAT'S FEEDING JON! Pack your bags, Reba! We're moving for sure this time!
ga850304 -- It's time for your checkup, Garfield. I'll get checked-up while the lady vet gets checked out. - We gotta make sure you're in good condition. Right. - The only condition he's worried about is his glandular condition.
ga850305 -- Good morning, Mr. Arbuckle. - How did you know it was me? I wasn't even in the door yet! you have a distinctive cologne. - Oh, you mean my ''Ode De Lumberjack"? Bingo.
ga850306 -- How about a date, doc? Oh, let's not and say we did. - That's better than nothing, I guess. - Can we say I kissed you good night? If we can say I slapped you.
ga850307 -- Let's be honest with one another, Liz. - I'm a man. You're a woman. Get the picture? - That's the door. Get the picture? You'll have to draw it for him, doc.
ga850308 -- Do you think these shaders make me more mysterious? YOU don't need them. - Hey, good-lookin', what time do you get off work? - You just propositioned my coat rack. He might get lucky this time.
ga850309 -- In case you're thinking about asking me out, doc, forget it. I have plans. - I'm seeing this girl, ho is real cute and real clever and we laugh a lot. Do tell... - My, my, my! Do I detect a note of jealousy in your voice? I walked into that
ga850309 -- one?
ga850310 -- Sigh. - Garfield, you are worthless. Do you know that? - You are doing zero with your life...zip. Do you know that? poke poke - You should learn something new each day. It would lend purpose to this dreary existence of yours. - I'm going to
ga850310 -- the store. When I come back, I want you to have learned something. - I'm home, Garfield. Did you learn anything? - I learned how to use your credit card.
ga850311 -- Ah ah ahhhh! Don't touch that dial. We'll be right back. - -
ga850312 -- Our cat food is new and improved! - New and improved! New and improved! - Just think...all this time I've been eating old and inferior.
ga850313 -- Rats! Where's the Binky The Clown Show?! click click click - This remote control must be malfunctioning. click click click - NOW it works.
ga850314 -- NO NO! DON'T CHANGE THE CHANNEL! WE NEED THE RATINGS! - PLEEEEEASE! CLICK! Arrrgh! - Choice is a powerful thing.
ga850315 -- - CLICK - Whatever Jon paid for this TV remote control, it was worth it!
ga850316 -- These game shows are disgusting. - It's pathetic how some people will humiliate themselves to win money. - Jon does it for free. *
ga850317 -- - That's a pretty impressive display of shedding there, Odie. - But there isn't a dog born who can outshed a cat. - - Take that! - - I WON! I WON!
ga850318 -- SURF'S UP! SURF'S UP! - Garfield the Surfer King hangs three. - You're acting strangely lately, Garfield. You live in your world, I'll live in mine.
ga850319 -- Garfield, the vet says you are going to have to stay inside. There's a rare strain of Hawaiian cat flu going around. - - Too late, doc.
ga850320 -- Garfield, the vet says the Hawaiian cat flu will give you a voracious appetite and make you listless and cranky. - - I guess we'll never know if you're sick or not! I saw that one coming.
ga850321 -- Garfield, you have the Hawaiian cat flu. You're going to have to lie around all week. Oh, darn. - And you must stay inside. WHAT?! - For the first time in my life, I gotta get out!
ga850322 -- Garfield, I know you are suffering from the Hawaiian cat flu, but you look ridiculous doing that hula dance. - Watch my hands carefully, Jon. - Every movement has a meaning! BONK!
ga850323 -- You look much better this morning. You must be over the Hawaiian cat flu. I doubt that I ever had it. - What would you like for breakfast? Just some juice and a Danish. - And a roast pig! And six pineapples! And a pound of Macadamia nuts!
ga850324 -- Hey, hey. - Smile big, boys. I'm going to take your picture. - Move back a little farther. - Just a little farther. - SHOOP! - Uh-oh. - There appears to be a camera shoved up your nose. Nas wha I min nrying noo nell you!
ga850325 -- Mondays, I hate mondays. It seems like I just get done with one and along comes another one! - - Did you know you're cute when you're angry?
ga850326 -- - All right! A new world record! - Six chins.
ga850327 -- HOLY GOOD GRAVY! - I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD A BELLYBUTTON! - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ga850328 -- Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? - CRACK! tinkle tinkle - Shards shards on the floor...
ga850329 -- SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH - tap tap tap - It's okay, Jon...I've subdued the chair. It's safe to sit in now.
ga850330 -- There's only one drawback to an assertive lifestyle. - CRASH! - Sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes the bear gets you.
ga850331 -- - Here, Garfield. Eat! CLOMP! - Just look at you! You're a fright! - I get up early and groom myself because this is our special time together! - And the only place you take me is for granted! - - Are you trying to tell me something,
ga850331 -- Garfield? I'm just showing you what happens when the magic goes out of our relationship.
ga850401 -- The mailman is going to rue the day he put on that silly uniform when he opens Jon's mailbox today. - Boy, is he going to be surprised. - Boy, am I stuck.
ga850402 -- Here I am, Garfield the cat, doomed to spend the rest of my days in this stupid mailbox. What a cruel twist of fate. - HEY, FATE! HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOU! - PLPLPL
ga850403 -- Leave it up to me to get stuck in this mailbox. So much for my ambush attempt on the mailman. - Here he comes now! -
ga850404 -- * - Thanks, Garfield. - I can see the headlines now. "Cat stuck in mailbox somehow manages to severely injure local man."
ga850405 -- I gotta get out of this mailbox. My deodorant is starting to give out. - RATTLE RATTLE - The story of my life.
ga850406 -- - UNNNGH! -
ga850407 -- We'll be right back after this word from our sponsor. - Quick, Garfield! During the commercial let's get some popcorn! - I'll take care of the butter, bowls and napkins. You take care of the popcorn! - I got MY stuff, are you taking care of
ga850407 -- the popcorn?! Yup! - Welcome back. WE MADE IT! - - Where's the popcorn? (burp) I took care of it.
ga850408 -- - - I've been awake one second and my day is ruined.
ga850409 -- * - rrrrrrr - Oh, listen, Jon! They're playing our song! SHOOMP!
ga850410 -- Garfield, you eat like a pig. You should chew your food 25 times before swallowing. - Right. I'll give it a shot...just one thing... - What's chew?
ga850411 -- It's fun to find familiar shades in the clouds. - There's an old standard. - A dog cloud chasing a a cat cloud up a tree cloud.
ga850412 -- Good morning, morning. - What a great day to be alive. - I'd even go so far as to say it's a great day to be awake.
ga850413 -- Hey, Garfield. Hey, Odie. I have a little piece of leftover steak. Who - SHOOM! - wants it?
ga850414 -- Z - Z clickety clickety clickety. - CLICKETY CLICKETY CLICKETY - CLICKETY CLICKETY CLACK CLACK - I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE! CLICKETY CLACK CLACK - You've never done the Flamenco the get me up before. - The castanets were a nice touch. That's
ga850414 -- because I care.
ga850415 -- Garfield, I'd like you to meet my new goldfish. - What shall we name it? - "Sushi" comes to mind.
ga850416 -- - - Don't even think about it.
ga850417 -- A lot of people don't like fish. You can't hug them. You can't take them for a walk on a leash. - They have no sense of humor and all they do is eat and sleep. - Wait a minute! I just described me!
ga850418 -- Come here, you. - PLOOP - What are you doing with my goldfish, Garfield? Would you believe I was trying to kiss it good night?
ga850419 -- OH NO! - DON'T LOCK ME UP! I'LL BE GOOD! I SWEAR! - Oh.
ga850420 -- I've decided to let you live, little fella. - Oh sure, you're probably thinking way down deep I'm a mister nice guy... - Well, set one fin out that cage and you're history.
ga850421 -- I'm leaving for a few minutes, Garfield. You be good, hear? - SLAM! - Good! Jon's gone! Now I can do all the fun stuff he won't let me do! - I can run in the house. - I can eat the ferns and swallow without chewing. - I can jump on the bed. -
ga850421 -- GARFIELD, I'M HOME! - Thank goodness you're home! I almost funned myself to death!
ga850422 -- I think I'll get today started off on the right foot. pat pat - PUNT! . My heart says "yes", but, my right foot said, "no".
ga850423 -- Hey, Garfield! Come and get it! Come and get "it", he says. - Just what is an "it"? Is "it" a hamburger? Is "it" cat food? - Nope, "it" is just an "it".
ga850424 -- ODIE! DON'T CHASE CARS! YOU COULD GET CLOBBERED! YIP! YIP! YIP! - Clobbered? - Hey, Odie! Here comes a Buick that said unkind things about your mother!
ga850425 -- I have a date with Mary Lou tonight and I'm going to charm her out of her socks. - I'm going to play it real cool. I'm going to quote poetry and be real suave. - She'll be putty in my hands. You tie is in your coffee.
ga850426 -- Surprise, Garfield! I made you some weenie gelatin! - gobble slurp smack gulp - Well, what do you think? My mouth liked it, but my stomach is still making up its mind.
ga850427 -- Get off the curtains, Garfield. Why? - Get off the curtains or I'll have you declawed. - You just can't argue with logic.
ga850428 -- It's time to get up. - It's time to gorge myself. - It's time to kick the dog. PUNT! - It's time for a nap ion front of the television. - It's time to eat my afternoon fern. - It's time for my 14-hour beauty rest. I'm a creature of
ga850428 -- habit...all the bad ones.
ga850429 -- Hey, Judy! How are you, cuz? Yeah, we'll be home. Come on over. - Sure, bring the kids, too. - Garfield? Tierra del Fuego
ga850430 -- My cousin Judy is coming to visit and she's bringing her children. - So put everything you value out of reach. -
ga850501 -- Hi, Judy! How are you, cousin? - And this must be Tammy. YOOOOOO! IT STINKS HERE! IT SMELLS LIKE A CAT! - Sniff, sniff, yoooo! Where's that kid smell coming from?
ga850502 -- Garfield, this is my cousin Judy and her children, Tammy and Stevie. - BALL! BALL! - Oh, listen! Stevie's first words! And his last.
ga850503 -- Do you know why I don't like kids? - I'll give you three guesses. - And the first two don't count.
ga850504 -- Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. - THERE HE IS! - I'm sure your mother has told you not to play with sharp objects.
ga850505 -- z z z - Yup! - I'm glad I'm not a bird. - All they ever do is eat worms and sit in the birdbath. - They never have any fun. - -
ga850506 -- Lucky me. Jon's cousin Judy comes to visit and she brings her two yard apes, Tammy and Stevie. - They're basically good kids, I guess. - For werewolves.
ga850507 -- I like to hang around babies at mealtime. They drop all kinds of good food. - - Sometimes they need encouragement.
ga850508 -- Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! - I'm hungry! I'm hungry! I'm hungry! I'm hungry! - I have some friends who can see to it she's never heard from again.
ga850509 -- Hello, what's this? - - Ready for lunch, Garfield? - Oh, no, thank you. I just had my first encounter with a diaper bag.
ga850510 -- Okay, Tammy, stop jumping on the bed. - - MOMMEEEEE!
ga850511 -- It was nice seeing you again, Judy. We must do this again! - Yeah, let's have lunch... - About ten thousand years from now!
ga850512 -- Dinnertime, Garfield! - MUNCH! SMACK! GOBBLE! SLURP! - GULP! CRUNCH! CHOMP! GOBBLE! SLURP! - UUUNGH! - HA-HAAA! - I'm so proud of Jon. I've taught him everything he knows about gluttony. RRRR
ga850513 -- - Rats! I always run out of milk before I run out of cookie!
ga850514 -- - BOING! - You should warn me when you put in the screen door!
ga850515 -- We cats are special. We are built to sense things about humans even they don't know. - - Your feet stink.
ga850516 -- - That's a pretty funky dance, Garfield. Show me how you do it. - First, find a bur in your sandbox.
ga850517 -- We're going to the vet, Garfield. I wonder what she'll remove this time. - Any last words? My uncle Patrick's famous quote comes to mind. - "I regret that I have but nine lives to give to my country".
ga850518 -- I love this time of year. There's the first bluebird. - There's the first daisy. - DONK - There's the first rake in the face.
ga850519 -- Come here, Garfield. I have something to tell you. - I'm going to organize my sock drawer today. This is a red-letter day! - I'm going to put the black ones on one end and the white ones on the other. Decisions! Decisions! Decisions! - And do
ga850519 -- you know what I might do after that? Oh no! Spare me! Spare me! - I might tighten the hinges on my reading glasses. ARRRGH! - OH WHEN WILL THIS MAD, CRAZY, MERRY-GO-ROUND EXISTENCE EVER END? - Or I might give a certain wise guy cat a bath.
ga850519 -- I'll tuck, you sort.
ga850520 -- Mornin', hon. Mornin', Irma. - Say when. - When. These people need help.
ga850521 -- HEY! WHERE'S THE WAITRESS IN THIS CRUMMY DIVE?! THE SERVICE HERE STINKS! WHO'S THE MANAGER HERE ANYWAY?! You are. - SMACK! Forgot. I'm going home. smack!
ga850522 -- TWO EGGS SCRAMBLED, PIGS IN BLANKET, AND GIVE IT WINGS! - ZIP! - Two eggsa scrambled! Pigs in a blanket! Pronto! This is a small operation. We should kill it before it spreads.
ga850523 -- Do you know what I like about your place, Irma? You're open 24 hours. - - I'm giving serious consideration to taking on an assistant.
ga850524 -- I don't see how you do it, Irma. - How do you keep this place open 24 hours with no help? - Z Now I see how she does it. Sheer willpower.
ga850525 -- Here's your egg, hon. Whatever you do, try not to think about where it came from. - - Have an egg, Garfield. Too late. I already thought about it.
ga850526 -- Boy, am I starved. - Here y'are, hon. Thanks, Irma. - - Uh, Irma. - Don't mind me, hon. - I think I lost a false eyelash in here somewhere. - Sardi's this ain't.
ga850527 -- I think I'll exercise. - I'd better start slowly. - Today I shall attempt to register a pulse.
ga850528 -- KABONG! KABONG! KABONG! KABONG! Garfield, get out of here! - And take your pogo stick with you!
ga850529 -- Let's talk about the responsibilities an owner assumes when he obtains a cat. The first responsibility is to feed that cat. - LATER! - I guess we'll wait to discuss the second responsibility when we're in a little better mood.
ga850530 -- Hey, Garfield, here's an article about a guy who thought he could fly by wearing a cape and jumping off a building. - They scraped him off Fifth Avenue with a putty knife. I guess he learned his lesson. - Yeah, he didn't believe.
ga850531 -- Good morning, Job. Hmmph - SMACK! BLUT! - I'm feeling good about today so don't burst my bubble, okay?
ga850601 -- Oh goody! Jon's home! - - When Mr. Excitement steps into the room, you can cut the apathy with a knife.
ga850602 -- Hmmm - All cats are innately curious. I was just wondering where rainwater goes. - WHOA! - - Gasp! - So this is where rainwater goes! Interesting! - So this is where dishwater goes! Fascinating. So this is where bathwater goes! That's the
ga850602 -- last time I drink out of the toilet.
ga850603 -- Good morning, Garfield. Mmmph. - What was that? Mmmph. - I can't understand you. I ate all the ice cream and my mouth went numb, okay?
ga850604 -- Sniff - Remember, as you walk down the path of life... - Stop and eat the flowers along the way.
ga850605 -- What's the difference between flowers and weeds? - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - Weeds have a greater will to live.
ga850606 -- - Hey, Jon! - When was the last time you swept under the bed?
ga850607 -- Surprise, Garfield! - I picked up lunch at grease world! - Junk food is the staff of life.
ga850608 -- - kiss - Pets always sense when you're going to the grocery. Buy me a steak.
ga850609 -- - Look at Jon's socks, they are all perfectly tucked and organized. - Okay, socks, line up! Count off! - FORWARD HARCH! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOURP! - Stay away from my sock drawer, Garfield. You make me nervous. - - As you were.
ga850610 -- - - Clear your head, Jon. There has to be a logical explanation for this, other than the teddy bear isn't housebroken.
ga850611 -- Pick up your stuff, Garfield. STUFF?! Pooky isn't STUFF! He's a real, live, feeling, breathing... - Uh...inanimate object.
ga850612 -- That sun is pretty strong today, Pooky. A guy could burn if he's not careful. - -
ga850613 -- Do you know why I love Pooky? - It is said we were given two ears and only one mouth so that we can tell only half of what we hear... - Pooky has two ears and no mouth.
ga850614 -- So, this is the bedtime story you want to hear, huh? - "Bangor the Enforcer screamed, 'The world is ours!' at that very moment teddy bears everywhere crawled out of their toy chests and armed themselves". - This is a side of teddy bears I'd
ga850614 -- as soon not know.
ga850615 -- And then about April of '81 or was it '82, my voice changed and I started singing the baritone part. - Gee, Pooky. I'm tired of talking about me... - YOU talk about me for a while.
ga850616 -- Persons At Work - How fortuitous, someone was kind enough to dig this hole for me. - I'll cover it with these branches and play a little trick on Odie. - Hey, Odie, have a bone. - BOING! - Something's not right here. - OH NO! IT'S THE OLD
ga850616 -- RUBBER HOLE GAG!
ga850617 -- This sun is enough to bake your brains. - - That, of course, doesn't affect Odie.
ga850618 -- It must be a zillion degrees out there, Garfield. - Let's turn on the radio and find out what the temperature is. - You mean this radio?
ga850619 -- - SURPRISE! - Happy birthday, Garfield! I had a feeling this was coming.
ga850620 -- Observe, beating the heat is simply a matter of mind over body. - I'm cold. I'm cold. I'm cold. - Unfortunately, my body has a mind of its own.
ga850621 -- - -
ga850622 -- Have some lemonade, Garfield. - GUSH! - Refreshed? Yo.
ga850623 -- Sleeping, we do more of it than anything else in life, and know very little about it. - Welcome to the "Wonderful World Of 'Sleep". Today we will examine fascinating sleeping positions. - Z Jon here is demonstrating the classic fetal
ga850623 -- position. - Odie is in your basic armchair poily position. Z - When you sleep as much as I do, you crave variety in your attitudes of repose. - For your edification, I shall now attempt the world's most bizarre sleeping position! - Z oooo
ga850624 -- Hey, all you turkeys! You have to go to work and I don't! - - Spare time would be more fun if I had less to spare.
ga850625 -- I love lying on the sill watching the rain. - KA-BOOM! - I love lying under the bed listening to the rain.
ga850626 -- - -
ga850627 -- What do you suppose the chances are of me leaping from this sill and having the window slam shut on my tail? - SLAM! - Do I know me or what?
ga850628 -- Most cats would be angry hanging by the tail from a window. - But not me. - I'M FURIOUS!
ga850629 -- Let me get you out of the window, Garfield. - There you go. BONK! - I don't know whether to thank Jon, or kill him.
ga850630 -- Shoo-doop boowa, shoo-doop boowa. - Well I was workin' last night on my piston head, when my best friend told me my girl was dead. - Well, I'll sure, I'll sure, I'll sure - I'll sure, I'll sure, I'll sure, I'll sure, I'll sure, I'll sure -
ga850630 -- KA-CHUNK I'll sure - miss herrrrr.
ga850701 -- This tree is tempting me to climb it, but I'm standing my ground this time. - YOU WHAT?! - I can't resist a double dare.
ga850702 -- I'll get out of this tree sooner or later. Cats always do. - No cat has ever lived his whole life up a tree. - I have. You stay out of this.
ga850703 -- What's your name? Ed. - Now let me get this straight, Ed. You say you've never been on the ground? - What's ground? I see...
ga850704 -- Come clean, Ed. You can't tell me you've never been on the ground. That's impossible. - Maybe you're right. - Mom, have I ever been on the ground? What's ground?
ga850705 -- Garfield, I'd like you to meet my twin brother, Ted. - Ed! Ted is a squirrel! - No wonder mother always liked him best!
ga850706 -- This is just great. Here I am stuck up a tree with a cat who's been raised by squirrels. - SQUAWK! - Now what are you doing? Storing birds for the winter.
ga850707 -- Let's see, it's over and under, then through. - I'm taking you out to eat, Garfield. You'll have to wear this to get into the restaurant. - I'll have a steak and my ca...er...son will have a triple order of lasagna and a cup of cocoa. - This
ga850707 -- is an exclusive restaurant, Garfield. Use your silverware. GULP! SLURP! GULP! - That marshmallow is meant for your cocoa. - Heh, heh. Don't lick your paws at the table, son. - That's the rudest little kid I've ever seen! He even shed on the
ga850707 -- tablecloth.
ga850708 -- Can you imagine a cat being raised by squirrels? I gotta get Ed out of this tree before it's too late. - Too late for what? - Never mind.
ga850709 -- It's time we get out of this tree, Ed. How do we do that? - CRACK! - Funny you should ask.
ga850710 -- Welcome to your first step on earth, Ed! What do you think? - Wow! Wild! Weird! - What are you doing? I've never walked sideways sideways before.
ga850711 -- Well, Ed, what do you think of your first trip out of your tree? - Ed? - I think I have a fear of low places.
ga850712 -- Since you've been raised by squirrels, Ed, you have a lot to learn about being a cat. - What is that? That is a dog. Cats are afraid of dogs. - What? I have forgotten.
ga850713 -- I gotta go home, Garfield. What for? - I miss mother, the squirrel. You're weird, Ed. - You're lucky, too.
ga850714 -- - King Cattaeatalotta gives a peace offering to the volcano that claimed young princess Angora. - Up against the wall, you crumbums, or I'll give your backsides a taste of my daisy! - Make love, not dog pounds. - Here, my dear, perhaps this
ga850714 -- will will make up for leaving you alone to fend off the border guards. - AHEE AH-EE AH! - WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FLOWER BED?! Scuttlebutt at the precinct is that your daisies were vandalized by an overactive imagination.
ga850715 -- Ha, ha, ha! I love my new Monday suit. CLANK CLANK - Nothing can get me now. CLANK - CREAK Except possibly rust.
ga850716 -- Something is not right here. - WHAM! I knew it!!! - Today is Monday cleverly disguised as Tuesday.
ga850717 -- There's nothing more annoying than a leaky faucet. DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP Unless it's a leaky dog.
ga850718 -- DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP Come here, Odie. - DRIP DRIP DRIP Let me tighten your gasket.
ga850719 -- - - Get rid of the dog!
ga850720 -- Look at those cars out there, Garfield. What a fascinating assemblage. - All those people in their tiny steel universes, moving to the choreography of the traffic light. - What are your observations on the subject, Garfield? 17 blue ones have
ga850720 -- gone by 11 red ones.
ga850721 -- - Hey, Garfield! It's going to be a beautiful day! Let's spend it outside! - Where are my swim trunks? - There's suntan lotion in here somewhere. - And now a picnic lunch! - PERFECT DAY, HERE WE COME! - Rats. Missed it.
ga850722 -- Ladies and gentlemen, for your entertainment pleasure, I've added music to my act. - I am proud to introduce the man with the plan from the street with the beat. - Mr. Skins!
ga850723 -- I knew a dog who was o ugly, he had to... - TIDDY-BOOM! - Let's talk timing.
ga850724 -- But seriously though, folks, how am I doing so far? - SPLAT! - Et tu, rhythm section?
ga850725 -- I knew a dog who was so ugly, his fleas wore dog collars! - TIDDY-BOOM TIDDY-BOOM TIDDY-BOOM TIDDY-BOOM TIDDY-BOOM - Padding our part, are we?
ga850726 -- And now for the dog joke of the night. - Mr. Skins, may I have a drum roll please? -
ga850727 -- And now for a brief musical interlude with Mr. Skins. - NO! NO! NOT THAT ONE! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! - Not the "Lithuanian Rain Dance"
ga850728 -- Ooch! Eech! Ouch! - - Hot, hot, hot. It's hot out there. - It's too hot to move. It's too hot to think, It's just too hot. - - rrr ft - Garfield! Odie! - Stop fighting.
ga850729 -- Here you are, Garfield. I call it "Breakfast Surprise". - BLAT! - If I wanted a surprise, I'd eat in the dark.
ga850730 -- - - It's times like this I wish Odie could talk.
ga850731 -- Do you want something to eat, boys? BARK! BARK! - Do you? Huh? huh? YIP! YIP! BARK! - The word "dignity" is not in a dog's vocabulary.
ga850801 -- I am cat, hear me roar, I am too big to ignore. SNAP! - - Perhaps I should consider a career change.
ga850802 -- - - It's shorts weather.
ga850803 -- BARK! - Hey, Odie. Come back here. - Do that again. I can still hear a little out of this ear.
ga850804 -- Oh yuk! A spider! - Hold still, spider, while I squash you with this window. - SLAM! tinkle tinkle - PLOP! - CRASH! - KA-BOOM! - Rats! Missed it.
ga850805 -- Look what you did to that chair, Garfield, You're too fat. - I am not too fat. They just don't make chairs the way they used to. - They don't make doors the way they used to either.
ga850806 -- Garfield, you wouldn't be fat if your eyes weren't larger than your stomach. - - THAT'S JUST AN EXPRESSION!
ga850807 -- Garfield, I'm putting you on a diet. ARRRGH! - I know you hate diets. If you can think of a better way to lose weight, I'm willing to listen. - Amputate something!
ga850808 -- Ah, there is nothing more refreshing than a leaf of fresh lettuce for the wight conscious. - Thank you so much for the delightful diet, Jon. - Where are you going? - I'm going to die now.
ga850809 -- - There's an interesting bit of diet trivia. - A pie cut into tiny slices has fewer calories than an entire pie.
ga850810 -- - ZIP -
ga850811 -- Hey, Garfield! Come here quick! - Look, Garfield, the carnival has come to town! Let's go! Whoopty doo. - Do you know what I love most about a carnival? the intellectual stimulation? - I love the sideshow. Uh, Jon? - The fat woman! The rubber
ga850811 -- man! the dinosaur boy! JON! - Save your money.
ga850812 -- Before - - After
ga850813 -- - - How's the coffee? It's a little weak.
ga850814 -- Okay, Mr. Finicky Eater, here's your dinner. What is it? - It's Coquille Saint-Jacques garnished with Belgian endive and laced with French truffles. - AGAIN?!
ga850815 -- See what you think about my lemonade, Garfield. - - Needs sugar? Needs sugar.
ga850816 -- - -
ga850817 -- These new sodas are great. - They're sugar-free and caffeine-free. - And flavor-free.
ga850818 -- Garfield, where are you going? - GARFIELD! - Well, I hope you feel like a complete idiot. That is a hot dog truck, not a hot dog. I do feel sorta silly. - NOW WHAT?! - Now for dessert.
ga850819 -- Z - HEY! - When there's napping to do around here, I'LL do it.
ga850820 -- You're late for dinner, Garfield. - I assume you have a good excuse. - My morning nap raged out of control.
ga850821 -- Rats. - I hate it when this happens to me. - Daytime insomnia.
ga850822 -- - - I FELL ASLEEP ON MY TENNIS RACKET, OKAY?! Oh.
ga850823 -- There must be millions of ants down there. - I wonder how you tell the difference between boy ants and girl ants. - I guess they didn't have any trouble figuring it out.
ga850824 -- Hey, bug. You're ugly. - You're creepy. - You're history. SQUIK
ga850825 -- * - Eat me. - I can't eat you. You're Jon's favorite fern. What are fronds for? - I might get in trouble. Aw, come on. Take one little taste. You'll like me. - - MUNCH CHOMP MUNCH CHOMP - GARFIELD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Just trying to make
ga850825 -- everybody happy. Thank you.
ga850826 -- Gee, Jon's pancakes sure look good. - I'd love to take them from him, but I'm not that kind of guy. - But the Caped Avenger is!
ga850827 -- The Lone Ranger has Tonto, the Green Hornet has Kato, and Batman has Robin. The Caped Avenger needs a sidekick too. - - Then again, I may go this a capella.
ga850828 -- As the new sidekick of the Caped Avenger, you need a neat name. What shall I call you? - SLURP - Come along, "Slurp".
ga850829 -- Slurp, as the Caped Avenger's sidekick, you need a costume. - - You've missed the point.
ga850830 -- Okay, Slurp, go out and find a costume befitting the sidekick of the Caped Avenger. - - Rule number one: never dress better than the hero. slap slap slap
ga850831 -- Here comes my sidekick, Slurp. - CRASH! - Hey, Slurp, maybe you should cut some eyeholes in your mask.
ga850901 -- Z - Z - Rats! I'm hungry. I always wake up in the middle of the night hungry. Oh well, let's look around. - Hello, what's this? It feels like a big old loaf of pumpernickel. - YIP! Sorry about that, Odie. - All right! Olives! I love Olives! I
ga850902 -- like to suck the pimentos out first and then nibble on the green part till it's gone. - SHUP - I assume there's a logical explanation for this. CLICK I'm so embarrassed.
ga850903 -- Slurp, our mission in life is to seek out evil wherever it may lurk. - LOOK! - I'll bet there's some leftover evil in that refrigerator.
ga850904 -- Now that I have a sidekick, I can get into all sorts of trouble and he will protect me. - Hey, dog, your mother chases garbage trucks. SMACK - What do you mean, you resign your commission?
ga850905 -- The Caped Avenger sees a door that must be broken down. - Slurp, take that door out! - I love sidekicks. They do all the painful stuff.
ga850906 -- Come along, Slurp. Let's go fight for truth and justice. - Look! There's a big dog beating up on a little dog! That's unjust! There's only one thing to do. BONK! - We'll just fight for truth today.
ga850907 -- Oh no! My blanket's not here! How am I going to be the Caped Avenger today? - Maybe Jon's got something. - Somehow I don't think the "Paisley Avenger" is going to cut it.
ga850908 -- Pet Shop - Look at all those poor animals in there all caged up. This looks like a job for... - Freedom Fighter! - YOU'RE FREE! YOU'RE FREE! - GO FOR IT! - Hmmm, folks must not be heavily into freedom these days. - You're secure! You're
ga850908 -- secure! SLAM!
ga850909 -- Let's go to a movie tonight. Here's one about kids at a day-care center who save the world. It's been done. - How about "Ninja Grandmother"? You're getting warmer. - Here it is! "The Angry Mauve Planet" Sounds like a contemporary remake.
ga850910 -- Well, guys, there's one thing we need before we go into the movie. SNACKS! - I'd like the banana-flavored tooth busters, the flaming mouth things, the triple-buttered nut clusters and three pumpkin fizz sodas. - That will be $89.50 Uh, how
ga850910 -- about some popcorn? With the barbecue sauce.
ga850911 -- - I probably shouldn't ask this, but where did Odie get the bubble gum? - PLOP! Don't ask, and don't look under the seats.
ga850912 -- - - Cut that out.
ga850913 -- - Where are you going? The movie isn't over yet. - The movie is over when the popcorn is finished.
ga850914 -- Why did we waste our evening at that movie? - And why was the photography so bad? - And why did they hand me three pairs of 3-D glasses?
ga850915 -- GARFIELD! IT'S TRIPLE-COUPON DAY AT THE SUPERMARKET. WE GOTTA HURRY! - Here it is, triple-coupon day at the market. Shoppers are lined up and eagerly awaiting the opening of the store. - There's the green flag! - As the pack backs up behind
ga850915 -- the Butz Sisters, Thelda Balducci drops under the groove and passes inside. - Balducci blows a tire and is f-boned by old lady Crowe! - WE GOT THE SALES ITEM FIRST!!! - Do you have any coupon? I forgot it. Rats! Black flagged on the last lap.
ga850916 -- Check the mail for me, will you, Garfield? - POOMP! - Anything for me? Just this package that came airmail.
ga850917 -- So, back again, huh? I thought you learned your lesson last time. - THIS TIME YOU DIE! - rrr
ga850918 -- I have some bad news, Garfield. I ran out of your favorite cat food. I'll survive. - Odie chewed up your scratching post. Big deal. - And Frank left Marcia for Stephanie. HOW COULD HE?!
ga850919 -- There's a mouse in the house. What are you going to do about it? - Lighten up, Jon. How much can one little mouse eat? - Can we talk? Nngh!
ga850920 -- Well, guys, it's time for the late night fright movie. - Remember, Odie. It's your turn this week. - Tell us when we can look again.
ga850921 -- - plop - What's the matter, Garfield? You got two left feet? The truth hurts.
ga850922 -- - - - - KISS - -
ga850923 -- I hate walking through tall weeds. - I pick up bugs and stickers. - And little dogs with sharp teeth
ga850924 -- - rrr SNAP! - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
ga850925 -- * - Static electricity is a wonderful thing.
ga850926 -- Hey, Odie. - Do me a favor, will you. - Thanks.
ga850927 -- - GOOSH! - Just as I thought. It's just eyeballs and a bow.
ga850928 -- Hey, dog, how about some pepper to go with that tail. - WAH-CHOO! - Gesundheit.
ga850929 -- Ouch - SWISH SWISH - There's something about carrying a stick that gives one a feeling of authority. - Fiy my dinner! Get a haircut! Clean up that mess! poke - Get some exercise! Make your bed! Lose weight! - The bigger the stick, the greater
ga850929 -- the authority, huh? Well, two can play this game. - Nngh! Your mother, puff puff, look both ways before... - SQUASH - I should have delegated some of this authority.
ga850930 -- Ooo, look at that stick! That isn't just any stick. That's a lucky special stick. - Lucky special sticks run on imagination. - This is one toy batteries won't help.
ga851001 -- Hey, Odie, where's your lucky special stick? - - Everyone needs a luck special stick.
ga851002 -- - TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP Hey, Jon, my lucky special stick wants you to get up and fix my breakfast! - A loyal friend, the lucky special stick.
ga851003 -- Dogs can't hurt me as long as I carry my lucky special stick. - - Of course, sometimes I have to carry it pretty fast.
ga851004 -- You're not going to believe this. - - When was the last time you saw a stick retrieve a dog?
ga851005 -- Nothing can harm me as long as I have my lucky special stick - SNAP! - They don't make lucky special sticks like they used to.
ga851006 -- - I'm going to take a nap now, Nermal. If you so much as touch my food, I'll squash you flat, okay? - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - Who are you? Don't you remember? I'm Nermal, the kitten you tried to starve a few years ago. - I came back to replay old
ga851006 -- unkindness! WHAP! WHAP! POOF! - Here you go, little buddy. Enjoy, enjoy! - I must be dreaming.
ga851007 -- Garfield, you're sleeping your life away. - There's a whole world out there for the taking. - Great. Have it sent to my bed.
ga851008 -- - -
ga851009 -- Boy, am I bored. I'm so bored I have nothing better to do than lie here flat as a pancake. - A big fluffy pancake dripping with butter and maple syrup. - Boy, am I hungry.
ga851010 -- Jon, here's something I feel I should tell you, because you're going to find out anyway. - You know how much Odie drools. - I had to sandbag his tongue.
ga851011 -- - There are hugs and there are hugs. - But, there are no hugs like bear hugs.
ga851012 -- CLONK - I hate that when the coaster sticks to my glass then falls onto the table! - Garfield, cud I haff a wud wif you?
ga851013 -- - Garfield, you watch too much television. Probably. - You could be doing much better things with your time than staring at a TV set. That's for sure. - There's a whole world out there to experience. I imagine so. - Uh, you could be, ...uh,
ga851013 -- you could, uh. - Why would someone wear a Llama suit? Bests me. - What are we watching? Trivia Bingo.
ga851014 -- Surprise! I got you a canopy bed! Allright! - - I feel like a Sissy.
ga851015 -- YAWN - WHA?! - These canopy beds take some getting used to.
ga851016 -- - - Are you ashamed of your new bed, Garfield? What gives you that idea?
ga851017 -- Jon finally got me a bed with some class. - But it's just not me. I have my pride. - And pride, of course, is the middle class substitute for class.
ga851018 -- - CLICK - And just what are you doing? I had this incredible urge to take inventory.
ga851019 -- - - LIAR!
ga851020 -- It knows where I am. - I know it's here. I can feel its presence. - There's no escaping it. - Once it has you, you're a goner! - Run for it, Garfield! - Here it comes again! - YOU WON'T TAKE ME WITHOUT A FIGHT. - ARRRGH! - Another victim of a
ga851020 -- nap attack. Z
ga851021 -- Hello, I'm Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. Go away, Nermal. - I'm taking a beauty nap. - Beauty nap? That could take weeks! I hate him.
ga851022 -- - -
ga851023 -- - Now I wonder what Nermal could be up to. - THERE'S A SHARK IN MY WATER BOWL! Oh.
ga851024 -- Jump onto the pillow, Nermal! - BLAT! - You did that on purpose, did you? I do everything on purpose.
ga851025 -- You don't have to play with that pathetic little ball of yarn, Nermal, I'll get my personal ball of yarn for you. - How nice! - Maybe Garfield likes me after all!
ga851026 -- Answer me this... - Why is it when they say an adult has the "mind of a child," they lock him up? - While children are allowed to run free in the streets?
ga851027 -- - Well, well, well. Odie's sitting in front of the recliner. Let's have some fun, shall we? - Watch this. - - WHUMP! WHAP! - I hate to brag, but it took a brilliant mind to figure that gag out. - SMACK!
ga851028 -- - KLANG! - Okay! Okay! You didn't have to shout.
ga851029 -- Let me tell you about my Monday. Monday was going great. I thought it was going to be the first Monday of my life that didn't stink. - I got up in the middle of the night and ate some jawbreakers. - Then I woke up this morning and my marble
ga851029 -- collection was missing!
ga851030 -- Hey, Garfield! I just bought a Swiss army knife. It does about a million things! Sure! - I've seen those knives before. They're about as useless as... - FOOMP! That's a new one on me.
ga851031 -- Jon, I have decided my living area is a mite drab. - I have some plans to spiff it up a bit. - What? No servant's quarters? Why, of course, silly! Right over there behind the pool.
ga851101 -- Z Gee, I wish we could get better reception on the television. - - Z Better.
ga851102 -- Garfield, begging for food is not going to get you anything to eat. - Throwing a tantrum is not going to get you anything to eat. WAH! - Now you're getting somewhere.
ga851103 -- - Many of you have probably noticed you wake up in the morning a pound or two lighter then when you went to bed. - Now, just where does all that weight go? - I'm here to tell you that the atmosphere around us is filled with the fat of
ga851103 -- sleeping people! - Furthermore, there are senders and there are receivers. We fat people gain weight simply by inhaling. - Now, we sure as heck aren't going to stop breathing. - So why don't you skinny people do a fat person a favor...stop
ga851103 -- sleeping.
ga851104 -- BONK! OUCH! - WHANG! YOU STUPID APPLE TREE! - Tink! I must learn to curb this temper of mine.
ga851105 -- My mom writes the greatest letters, Garfield. Listen to this... - - Don't spoil it for me, Jon. I'm waiting for the movie to come out.
ga851106 -- Garfield, I know you're hiding out there somewhere. Come on. Let's go to the vet! - FUMP! - AHA! I hate autumn.
ga851107 -- GOOSH - You drink too much coffee, Garfield. Oh, yeah? Well, tell that to my nap. - Maybe Jon was right...
ga851108 -- Garfield, you make a lovely fire. I do make a lovely fire. - Well, I gotta get ready for my date. You enjoy your lovely fire. I'll enjoy my lovely fire. - HEY! WHERE ARE ALL My BOW TIES?! They make a lovely fire.
ga851109 -- Most cat owners reflect the grace, style and poise of their cats. - Most cat owners are informed, sensitive and intelligent. - Bozo, the wonder nerd here, doesn't know what century it is.
ga851110 -- Z - Z - BREAKFAST TIME, GARFIELD! - Ho, boy, I'm so tired my limbs feel like lead. It's going to be tough getting up this morning. - Come on, Garfield! You can do it! Unngh! You can do it, boy! - I MADE IT! I'M UP! - Rats! I was only dreaming
ga851110 -- I got up. - BREAKFAST TIME, GARFIELD! It had better be worth getting up twice for.
ga851111 -- Oh, very well, Garfield, you may have one bite of my spaghetti. - twirl twirl twirl - I don't give that cat enough credit.
ga851112 -- CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! THERE'S A BLACK HOLE DEAD AHEAD! - WE CAN'T TURN BACK! THE GRAVITATIONAL PULL IS TOO GREAT! ARRRRRRGH! - They just went where no man has gone before.
ga851113 -- Which do you want, Garfield? The lasagna or the bananas? - The bananas? - We're talking play value here.
ga851114 -- I found a food that even you won't be able to play with, Garfield, tomato soup. - SPLUT - As long as I live, I'll never understand cats. Cats? What are cats? We soda crackers know nothing of cats.
ga851115 -- Garfield, the world famous tomato soup diver, scours the murky depths in search of the elusive tomato guppy. - QUICK! GIMME THAT CAMERA! - For the first time in history the spawning habits of the tomato guppy are captured on film. CLICK
ga851116 -- Wealthy philanthropist, J. Worthington III was found face down in his tomato soup. - Was it natural causes? - GARFIELD! Or was it because he was about to write J. Worthington IV out of his will?
ga851117 -- Hey, Garfield, did you ever wonder why they always have commercials at the good parts? - I wonder if fish have taste buds. - I hate it when Jon fishes. His mouth starts wandering. - Where do the ripples in the water go? - If people had fur
ga851117 -- all over their bodies, would they have to wear clothes? - Why do light bulbs burn out? - Am I boring you, Garfield?
ga851118 -- Hello, I'm RX-2, your talking scale. If you step on me, I'll tell you your weight. - GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! - Whew! Thank you! Wise guy.
ga851119 -- How am I doing, RX-2? - You know those two pounds you lost last week? Yes. - They are back with reinforcements.
ga851120 -- - - You've gained weight, Garfield. I wonder how he knew me.
ga851121 -- How's my favorite talking scale? Are you ready to weigh me? - Uh...I'll tell you what. What? - What say we weigh one part at a time, and I'll give you a total. Very funny.
ga851122 -- - You weigh 175 pounds and you are 6 feet tall. - How do you know my height? I'm diversifying.
ga851123 -- Your weight is the same as yesterday, sir. Have a nice day. - Talking scales. What will they think of next? - What a lard ball. You're telling me?
ga851124 -- In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, honey. And people think cats do strange things. - I'm in the mood for love * - Well, Garfield, how do I look? - You don't like it, huh? - Maybe if I changed my tie and my pants and my... - Now what do you think? - Great!
ga851125 -- I'll see you later. - People who have no minds of their own DESERVE to look like clowns.
ga851126 -- There's a nice thing about owning a cat. sniff - - CRASH! But I don't know what it is.
ga851127 -- Okay, talking scale, how much do I weigh? - Do you mind if I ask a personal question first? Shoot. - How many of you are there?
ga851128 -- Garfield, you eat food like it grows on trees. I wasn't born yesterday. I know the food fairy brings it in the night. - What if the food just stopped? I could handle that. - It's the eating I would miss.
ga851129 -- - - Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know this mailman was taken. That's quite all right.
ga851130 -- I know I haven't written yet, mom. I'm sorry. Yes, I'll come visit you when I can, okay? - I FEEL LIKE SUCH a HEEL! - Jon takes so many guilt trips, he qualifies for the frequent flyer plan.
ga851201 -- May I have your attention, please! - Ladieees and gentlemen! Odie-The-Amazing will now dive into this glass of water! - Of course he is going to need a little encouragement. - Go for it, Odie! I'm going to make you a star! - WHOAM! LET GO!
ga851201 -- LET GO! - SPLUT! SPLOOT! - When you own pets, there's never a dull moment. Grrrr!
ga851202 -- Great! It's here! - Some people wear their emotions on their sleeves. - I wear my opinions on my belly. I Hate Dogs
ga851203 -- I Hate Dogs - - Gee...I didn't think dogs could read.
ga851204 -- CUT THAT OUT, ODIE! - How would you like it if I licked you? - It just occurred to me. Someday I'm going to have to put this tongue back in my mouth.
ga851205 -- Hey, buddy. I'm a bathroom scale. So? - So I don't do livestock. - Me and my big voice chip.
ga851206 -- - - Odie must be getting something out of this wall I'm not.
ga851207 -- - - I don't believe I fell for that.
ga851208 -- MOTHER!!! - What say we rest this lunch off in the park? Splendid idea. - That was a great lunch. Boy, am I stuffed! - Look at the size of this belly. - Oh, yeah? Look at this! - I'm fatter than you are. Check this out! - You two are
ga851208 -- disgusting. - It's no wonder we're still single, right, Garfield? Burp - BURP BURP Ignore them, Melissa. Men are not a pretty sight.
ga851209 -- Why the long face, Garfield? I don't know. - Are you depressed because you're fat and lazy and out of shape? - Why is it friends aren't happy until they've given some direction to your depression?
ga851210 -- You look a little depressed, Garfield. Bingo. - Just remember, when you're flat on your back, the only way to kook is up. Thank you, Jon. I am no longer depressed. - Now I'm suicidal.
ga851211 -- I have some words of wisdom to help you beat those old blues, buddy. - He's gonna get cryptic again. - Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. - Oh, great...I'm going to be up all night figuring that one out.
ga851212 -- I have you figured out, Garfield. You refuse to take life on because you're afraid of failure. - That shows what Jon knows about human nature. - Actually, I have a deep-seated fear of success.
ga851213 -- Garfield, your life is a big, fat drag. Do you know that? - You sleep to escape. You eat to escape... - You need more escapes.
ga851214 -- Boy, am I in a rotten mood. - CRASH! - This must be serious...that didn't even cheer me up.
ga851215 -- - - toing SPLAT! - And now some carrots for color. - Interesting. toing - And just how long have you been sticking food to the ceiling? - Oh, for quite some time now.
ga851216 -- - - Better.
ga851217 -- I'm housecleaning today, Garfield. So throw out all your useless stuff, okay? - Okaaaaay. - Garfield, may I have a word with you?
ga851218 -- Hey, Garfield! Come on in! - - How do you do that? Simple...fat floats.
ga851219 -- You may not know this, Garfield, but I'm somewhat of an expert at reading tea leaves. - Ah, yes, it says here you will have a long and fruitful life. Your owner is kind and generous, and you will travel soon. - Any questions? May I have my
ga851219 -- cocoa back?
ga851220 -- Garfield, do you want your eggs beaten? Yeah. - And while you're at it, squeeze the orange juice. - Then choke some toast And mangle the bacon! I'm worried about that boy.
ga851221 -- PURRRRRR, purr, purr. - - Actios speak louder than purrs.
------------------------------------
ga851222 -- slurp! - - poo - - poo - poo - I spit out the hole.
ga851223 -- WHA?! - Let me guess. It's time to trim the Christmas tree, right? - You must be psychic.
ga851224 -- Come on, Odie. The sooner we go to bed, the sooner it will be Christmas morning. pat pat pat - Christmas eve is the longest night of the year. - I imagine it would be shorter if we could ever fall asleep.
ga851225 -- Merry Christmas, Garfield! Open your presents, buddy. What's the holdup? I'm just savoring the moment. - This is my favorite morning of the whole year. All out differences are set aside and all the love we feel for one another is wrapped up
ga851225 -- in the gifts we have made with care. I love Christmas. - Enough of sentiment. GIMME!
ga851226 -- What a great Christmas! Jon got me the perfect gift...food. - Hey, Garfield, are you enjoying your present? - I'd never seen a radio made to look like a hamburger! *
ga851227 -- Hey, Pooky, I need ahug. - - It's impossible to give a hug without getting one back.
ga851228 -- OH NO! I'M BEING HUGGED! - How dare you hug an unarmed cat from behind! I feel...I feel, uh...I feel. - Pretty good, actually.
ga851229 -- - Do you boys wanna go out? - Well, do you, huh? - HUH? HUH? DO YUH? HUH? HUH?
ga851229 -- - Open the darn door. - The direct aprroach is the best approach.
ga851230 -- It's just about time... - SPLUT! - Yup, there's the 8:25 pie right on schedule.
ga851231 -- Well, if this isn't RX-2, the talking scale. How are you today, felly? I'm depressed. - What could a scale possibly be depressed about? - How would you like to be stepped on every day and called a liar? - Good point.
ga860101 -- Do you wanna go out, boys? - Do you? Huh? Huh? Do you? - OKAY! GO FOR IT! Now we're too tired.
ga860102 -- What are you doing with those binopculars, Garfield? I'm checking something out. - Yup...I was right. - There's boredom just as far as the eye can see.
ga860103 -- Nobody takes me seriously - - Not even me!
ga860104 -- This is for you. Mail?! For me?! Wow! I'm important! I'm somebody. - Hey, wait a minute! This is addressed to "occupant"! - Are you ready for lunch, "occupant"? That's MISTER Occupant to you.
ga860105 -- - Mornin', Garfield. - Hello, little buddy, would you like a drink of wa-wa? Ha! Ha! I thought so! - Jon talks to his fern more than he talks to me. - EEEEK! - Garfield, would you by any chance know what happened to my plant? - Burp, if you
ga860105 -- have anything to say to your precious fern, just speak into my bellybutton.
ga860106 -- I feel great today! I feel like curing a major disease, writing a best-selling book and stopping poverty! - LOOK OUT, WORLD! HERE COMES GARFIELD! Is there anything yu need, Garfield? - Yes...I need you to stop me.
ga860107 -- - -
ga860108 -- How much do I weigh, RX-2? Do you really want to know? - Not really. - Would you like a hint?
ga860109 -- Let's see how much you know about cats. - Here are two people who, for all practical purposes, appear to be identical. - Guess which one is allergic to cats.
ga860110 -- I wonder if that floor is cold - - Yup...it's cold all right.
ga860111 -- I love hangig on the screen door. I can be a fly or a mountain climber... * - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - Or a door knocker. *
ga860112 -- - Scram! This is my birdbath! - I hate to see birds have a good time. - HEY! THIS WATER IS FREEZING! - UNNNGH! - -
ga860113 -- Cats have an incredible innate ability to sense when you are not feeling well. - Jon, I sense you are not feeling well. - They also have anincredible innate lack of sympathy.
ga860114 -- Hands off, Garfield. I'm saving that for Odie. - - Nice try, guy.
ga860115 -- I'm going to give Garfield a little treat today. - ARRRGH! - You don't like shaved coconut? Shaved coconut, Yes. Albino spiders, no.
ga860116 -- Cats have an incredible innate ability to sense when you are feeling blue. - Jon, I sense you are feeling blue. See? - BONK! Cheer up!
ga860117 -- We hve here the last piece of cake, Garfield. - I suggest we draw straws to see who gets it. - I'm not a betting man.
ga860118 -- And now the world-class pancake flipper will demonstrate his skill. - - Pardon my ignorance, Mr. World-Class Pancake Flipper, but shouldn't the stove be turned on first?
ga860119 -- The mailman makes a great scratching post. - We'll be right back after this announcement. - - Oooo! A warm spot. - It's no sunbeam, but it will do. - - ROWRR! - The first rule of owning a cat: "Look before you sit".
ga860120 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - There is enough static electricity in 20 cats to start a car. - But, it still won't start on a cold morning! Come on, guys. I'm late for work! Take a hike, jack. z z z z Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860121 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - A Jon Arbuckle claims to own a cat who can eat 10 times its body weight. To verify his claim we offered the cat 270 pounds of lasagna. - The cat ate only 219 pounds of lasagna. Things went so well in the
ga860121 -- rehearsal. Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860122 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - Nick, a cat in Sweden, has eaten six mice a day for twelve years. That's over 26,000 mice! - I spite of his notoriety, poor Nick is still single. Nick, about your breath... Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860123 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - Cats and dogs evolved from a single animal called a "cog". It became extinct when it barked up the wrong tree... BARK! BARK! BARK! - A tree named "Bubba. Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860124 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - In 1957, a cat in Oregon salved a drowning child. - But, it was under the legal size limit, so he threw the kid back. Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860125 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - A cat in Lubbock, Texas gave birth to 57 kittens. - When asked how she felt after giving birth to quinseptulets, she said: I'll feel better when the start sleeping through the night. Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860126 -- This looks like my lucky day! - Look at ol' Jon out there working his fingers to the bone planting a flower bed. - I guess I'd better get out there and give those flowers the Garfield touch. - I'll start by stomping on a few. Then I'll chew
ga860126 -- on a few. Then I'll yank the rest out by their tender roots. - DIE, YOU DAISIES! - BOING! BOING! BOING! - How did you like my plastic flower garden? CHEATER!
ga860127 -- Sigh - Gravity. - Why fight it?
ga860128 -- It's fun to lie here and muse on the meaning of life, - and muse on the myriad of solutions to the world's woes, - and to count the cracks in the ceiling.
ga860129 -- People seem to be leading more active lifestyles these days. - I wonder what that would be like? - The only thing active about me is my imagination.
ga860130 -- You people don't appreciate the stress we cats must deal with. - What with having hair all over our bodies... - Living in constant fear of split ends.
ga860131 -- Some people have the silliest phobias. - I have a fear of letting my mind wander. - I'm afraid it wouldn't come back.
ga860201 -- I gotta start getting more out of life. - I gotta smell the roses along the way. - Hey, Garfield, is there anything I can do for you? Bring me a rose.
ga860202 -- In the news, today, cat season opens tomorrow! - Z - Snort, what's that sound? - OH NO! I LEFt THE TELEVISION ON! - On the all night movie channel! - CLICK! - CLUNK! - I feel like such an unworthy parent! Z
ga860203 -- Hi, this is Jon Arbuckle. My cat needs a checkup...what kind of cat is he? - Uh, he's a registered yellow tabby with distinguished lineage. - Actually, he's an orange meatball with stripes.
ga860204 -- Hey, Garfield, let's get a pizza! - SLAM! OH, NO! HA HA! - On the way we'll stop at the vet. IT'S THE OLD BAIT-AND-SWITCH!
ga860205 -- I hate going to the vet. - Actually, seeing the vet isn't so bad. - It's the waiting room that depresses me.
ga860206 -- The doctor's not looking. Now's my chance to make an escape! - - Stupid stainless steel table!
ga860207 -- Hey, doc, do you mind if I have something to drink? - Help yourself. - There should be something in the refrigerator by the specimen bottles.
ga860208 -- While you're at it, doc, how about giving ME a checkup? Say "Ahh". - Ahh. - What was that? You'll neve rhave to worry about liver flukes again.
ga860209 -- Two coat hangers. - Two coat hangers and an empty closet. - There you go, kids. - - * - - IT'S TRUE.
ga860210 -- Hey, dog, you're ugly! Hey, dog, you're stupid! - Hey, dog, you couldn't catch a '532 Packard! - ROWF! YIP! YAP! YAP! BARK! You gotta flip the right switch!
ga860211 -- Some people love to linger over dinner. - ZOOM! - Garfield makes cameo appearances.
ga860212 -- Do you know what I love about cats the most? It's our dignity. Even royalty could learn from the dignified style with which we conduct our lives. - Well, I see by the old clock on the floor, it's lunch time. - Time to beg for table scraps.
ga860213 -- My cat isn't perfect. He lies around a lot. - In fact, I encourage him to lie around a lot. - Because every time he moves, he destroys something.
ga860214 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch - CRUNCH! ARRRGH! - IF YOU DESTROY ONE MORE THING AROUND THIS HOUSE, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! You're too late.
ga860215 -- Sharpening claws can be risky business. scratch scratch scratch - SPROING! - Sometimes the furniture is booby trapped.
ga860216 -- Cat's cradle? I doubt it. - World's LArgest Ball Of Twine - World's largest ball of twine, huh? - I wonder what this is for. - Uh-oh! - - - - Don't worry, Garfield! I'll protect you from that fierce piece of string! I hate him.
ga860217 -- Ah, here comes Arlene. - Hello, Garfield. Unnnngh Yugstyx. - You may dispense with the vanity. Whew! Thank you.
ga860218 -- What's a girl like you doing in a place like this? - But this is a nice place. - Like I said...what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?
ga860219 -- About that space between your front teeth, Arlene. Yes? - When you smile, you look like a vending machine. - Check that, a "cute" vending machine.
ga860220 -- Arlene, I'm sorry I picked on the space between your front teeth. - Perhaps this little gift will make amends. What is it? - A toothpick!
ga860221 -- * * * * * - You dance like you have two left feet. - I do. Oh, yeah.
ga860222 -- Why hasn't our relationship grown? Because you're a wise guy and I'm self-centered. - But, Garfield, no man is an island. - Or, in your case, a continent. My ego and I will get back on you.
ga860223 -- Z - I wonder how Garfield would look in my gag glasses? Z - And tie, and shorts, and tennies? Z - Good morning, Garfield. snort...Morning. - Hee hee What are you laughing at, pea-brain? - - Sometimes I wish I were awake when I'm asleep.
ga860224 -- I wonder what dog food tastes like? pant pant - OH NO! MY EYES ARE DRYING OUT! MY TONGUE IS STARTING TO SWELL! I'M GETTING SHORT OF BREATH! - PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT
ga860225 -- - - I have more respect for food than that.
ga860226 -- Isn't rain wonderful, Garfield? - When it stops, the earth is cleansed and the plants are refreshed. - And I get to go out on the driveway and stomp on earthworms.
ga860227 -- Uh-oh! - Jon should never leave his bunny slippers under the bed alone. -
ga860228 -- Odie, you were a bad boy for chewing on the sofa. - TAP TAP TAP - Is this a private party, or can anyone play?
ga860301 -- WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - GLOP! - The service here is slow, but at least the waiter is rude.
ga860302 -- Well this is another fine mess you've gotten me into. - ** Oh, Garfield* Garfield's gon. The hogs ate him. - Garfield, I have a big job for us today. I'm afraid I know what you're going to to do. - I'm going to throw it out. But, it seems we
ga860302 -- just got it! - There comes a time when everything must go. So soon? - Let's get to it. Have you no heart? - DON'T DO IT! DON't DO IT! - It's starting to look a little tacky. I suppose you're right.
ga860303 -- Where are they? - Hey, Garfield, have you seen my golf shoes? I'm wearing them. - Are you quite through?
ga860304 -- Guess where we're going, Garfield? We're going to clown college. - We're going to play golf. Let's go! - Very funny. I've never been so ashamed in my life.
ga860305 -- WHIFF! - Allow me. - HOW COULD YOU?! YOU STUPID BALL! I'LL SHOW YOU!
ga860306 -- - WHIRRR! - I think you swing too hard.
ga860307 -- putt - STOMP! - WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! You should thank me, you almost lost your ball down that hole.
ga860308 -- I wonder why Jon always takes me golfing? - CRASH! - Sorry about your window, sir. My cat is just picking up the game. Bingo.
ga860309 -- - - - I'd better check this out. - - ARRRGH! - What happened?! YOU TURNED MY WATER COLLECION LOOSE? THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!
ga860310 -- I think I'll write a book this week. They say everyone has a good book in them. - - I may have an entire library.
ga860311 -- In order to write a book I must go out and live life. - I think I'll run with the bulls in Pamplona! - Then I'll write a book entitled, "The Stupidest Thing I've Ever Done".
ga860312 -- We writers have an uncanny ability to observe ouselves from an omniscient point of view. - "As the handsome cat gazed upon the folly of life about him he tossed his head back in laughter... Ha! Ha! Ha!" - And the he fell right off his chair.
ga860313 -- Some people only talk about writing books. - And some people do something about it. - Yes...yes, this is how I want to be photographed for the book jacket.
ga860314 -- Go ahead and eat, Jon, I'm a writer. I'll sit here and observe you. - - I think I'll write an autobiography.
ga860315 -- I must suffer in order to write a great novel. - WHANG! - Thank you, Jon. I'll remember you in my acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize for literature.
ga860316 -- - - - - I'm home! SLAM! - CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! YIP! GARFIELD! Why is it I get blamed for everything around here?!
ga860317 -- Garfield, you prowl all night and you sleep all day. You also eat too much. - What do you have to say for yourself? - You only go around nine times in life, so grab for all the gusto you can get.
ga860318 -- Garfield, it's time to put you on another diet. ARRRGH! - DO YOU KNOW WHAT A DIET COULD DO TO ME? - I could waste away to normal!
ga860319 -- - The TV advertisers didn't waste any time. - I've been on a diet one day and they're already running more food commercials.
ga860320 -- I gotta kick something. This diet is making me grumpy. - tap - Not to mention, weak.
ga860321 -- Garfield, I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. Jon, there's something I have to tell you. - You've done a great job sticking with your diet this week. Listen to me, Jon. - And that takes a lot of self-discipline. I ate your bunny
ga860321 -- slippers.
ga860322 -- You shouldn't watch sad movies when you're on a diet, Garfield. You know how emotional you get. - This isnt a sad movie. - It's a food commercial.
ga860323 -- SLURP! SLURP! - SLURP! - Uugh! This coffee is weak! - What the? SLOSH - Odie - - - SLURP! - Much better.
ga860324 -- Why is it I always have to go on diets? - Oh, sure, I've put on pound or two... - Or three or four or five.
ga860325 -- Here's your diet salad, Garfield. - Would you like anything on it? If you don't mind. - Perhaps you could garnish it with a chocolate cake.
ga860326 -- - I think I know how Odie stays so slim. - It must take a lot of energy to be that stupid. RRRRRR
ga860327 -- You have lost three pounds. - Congratulations, Garfield! Thank, you. - Pssst, when do I get my fresh batteries? Later.
ga860328 -- Garfield, in order to successfully diet, you must change your eating habits. - - SPLUT!
ga860329 -- On which days are most diets begun? - Wrong. Monday is the second most popular day. - Most diets begun "tomorrow".
ga860330 -- - Hey, Jon. There's a spot on your shirt. Where? - Ha! Ha! - TOING! - Hey, Odie, your shoelace is untied! - Ha! Ha! TOIOIOIOIONG! - Hey, Garfield! There's a huge, hairy spider crawling up your belly! Nice try, Jon! - You gotta get up pretty
ga860330 -- early in the morning to pull one over on old Garfield.
ga860331 -- - RATS! - Rats?! Where? Oh, no! Whatever shall we do? There goes the neighborhood! Wiseguy rats.
ga860401 -- Who are you? We, sir are rats. We're all brothers. - BONK! - Oh, yeah, one of us is a sister.
ga860402 -- Howdy, stranger. Rip, Juanita and Bob are our names and spreading pestilence is our game. - Which one of you is Juanita? - The one with "Eau de Vermin" behind her ears.
ga860403 -- How did you rats get your names? I'm called Rip because I'm fast. Juanita was my grandmother's name. - How about you, Bob? That's the sound my head makes when it runs into a wall. - I take it Bob isn't very bright. He couldn't get through a
ga860403 -- maze with a map.
ga860404 -- Jon will kill me if he finds out I let rats into the house. I'll lure them out with the old "Pied Piper" ploy. - * - Okay, fat boy. Let's take it from the top.
ga860405 -- What do you guys want to do today? Let's spread pestilence! - Nah, let's lower somebody's property value. Or take a scenic sewer tour. - You're disgusting. It's a living. Or run up an old man's pant leg?
ga860406 -- Hello, Garfield. Hello, Arlene. - I see you're still fat. I see you stil have that space between your teeth. - At least I can close my mouth. I can go on a diet. - You're not likely to go on a diet. You're not likely to close your mouth. -
ga860406 -- Hey, why are we fighting like children? I'm sorry. I'm sorry too. - So long, Arlene. So long, Garfield. - Beaver face. Lard belly.
ga860407 -- I hate partly cloudy days. - When it's sunny, I'm happy, when it's cloudy, I'm das. - On a partly cloudy day I can use up a week's worth of moods.
ga860408 -- My, my. You're up early this morning. - I didn't ge tup early. - My leg cramp did!
ga860409 -- I hate it when I can't ge tmilk cartons open. Let me give you a hand. - HIYAH! THOCK! - Amazing things: claws.
ga860410 -- You stay out there, Garfield. I'll let you in when I'm good an ready. - SCREEEEEEEE - I'm ready. Good and.
ga860411 -- All tucked in for the night? Yup. - - MY LASAGNA! I was hoping you wouldn't notice.
ga860412 -- And now for the third tennis ball. - TAH-DAH! A NEW WORLD'S RECORD. You spit those out very instant! - Some people have no sense of history.
ga860413 -- - Whoa! This is what I call a window of opportunity! - No you don't, Odie! I saw it first! - IT'S MINE! ALL MINE! - Wait a minute, Odie. I have an idea! Why don't we COOPERATE to ge tthe pie? Then we will SHARE it! - Sometimes the old axioms
ga860413 -- work best. - Like "there's a sucker born every minute".
ga860414 -- Hey, Garfield, guess what? We are going to visit dad and mom on the farm again! - Jon, you must be psychic. - I was just lying here thinking it was time to restock the burrs in my fur.
ga860415 -- Hey, mom, pass the potatoes, please. Scalloped, whipped, fried, baked or boiled? - Mom, you always fix too much food. I know, honey, I know. Now, what would you like? - i can't decide. Just give me a piece of pie. Apple, peach, pumpkin,
ga860415 -- blueberry, cherry, or banana cream?
ga860416 -- Farm life's great, isn't it, Garfield? - However, I will admit it's a little slow. - Nothing much to do but count the bricks in the old silo. 14,238
ga860417 -- Look, Garfield! A moo cow! - And a bow-bow! And a piggy-piggy! - Ha-ha, you guys! This must be the famous farm humor I've heard about.
ga860418 -- Kind of muddy today, isn't it, Garfield? It is. - It's too deep for a little feller like you. I know. - you oughta get up on Jon's shoulders. I am.
ga860419 -- It's cloudin' up. Yup. - Looks like rain. Yup. These are men of few words. - It's rainin'. Yup. And few brains.
ga860420 -- scritch scritch scrith - SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH - SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH BARK! BARK! Why don't you boys let yourselves out for a change? - WHA?! - - CRASH - It's time I give some serious consideration to adding a pet door.
ga860421 -- The newspaper should be here about now. - BONK! - Sometimes you get the paper, sometimes the paper gets you.
ga860422 -- My life is boring. - Have you heard the old saying, "all dressed up and no place to go"? - I'm naked and no place to go.
ga860423 -- I gotta do something to spice up my life. - I know! I'll take my afternoon nap in the morning and my morning nap in the afternoon. - Garfield, you mad, impetuous boy, you.
ga860424 -- Life is like a Ferrari, it goes too fast. - But that's okay. - Because you can't afford it anyway.
ga860425 -- I shall now meditate in order to enrich my life. - There is nothing like meditation to get in touch with on'e self. - Self...if you don't get out of this stupid position in about three seconds, you kneecaps are going to fall off!
ga860426 -- Life is like a birdbath. It's made of concrete, filled with water, and uh...birds like to splash in it. - Boy, that was dumb. Life isn't anything like a bird bath. tap tap - Life...is like a sock monkey...
ga860427 -- Behind every sunday is a monday. - - Jon had better wake up on time this morning. - If he oversleeps he's going to regret it. - I fact, I kind of hope he does oversleep. We'll have some fun. - blink blink blink - I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE! PARTY
ga860427 -- POOPER!
ga860428 -- Hey, Odie, give me a push. - A big push! - Let's make that a MEDIUM big push.
ga860429 -- Get ready to go into orbit, Odie! - - Let me know when you get back!
ga860430 -- Look, Odie. No feet! - Look, Odie. Only one hand! - I hate showoffs.
ga860501 -- The green flag drops and the race is on! - Leading the pack is the great Enzio Bodoni. - Enzio Bodoni makes an unscheduled pit stop.
ga860502 -- Gee, I love playgrounds. - I remember how much fun monkey bars were when I was a kid. - I guess you can't go back.
ga860503 -- Odie, I need your help. - Let's play on the teeter-totter. - I could just cry.
ga860504 -- Z - Z - Wake up, Garfield. I want you to see a sunrise. A sunrise? Me? That's unnatural. - It's about time you saw a sunrise. Then take a picture! - Where's your sense of adventure? If it's before breakfast, I'm not interested. - IT'S AN
ga860504 -- EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE YOU'LL NEVER FORGET! I know, I saw one once in a movie. - I'll tell you what, if you got ot there peacefully, I'll never ask you to see a sunrise again. Agreed. - Rats. I'm all choked up. Let's go in.
ga860505 -- Oops. CRASH! OH-NO! MY BEST CHINA! - Look on the bright side, Jon. - Your 64-piece set is now a 3,000-piece set.
ga860506 -- Garfield, there are cat hairs all over this place. Yes, isn't it wonderful? They are like family. - Yuk! I almost swallowed this one! OH-NO! - Billy? Speak to me! Are you all right?
ga860507 -- - GARFIELD! - WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FERN?! I (burp) pruned it.
ga860508 -- Garfield, you act like you own this house. I do. - What's this? A deed. - This is a forgery! I'll see you in court.
ga860509 -- Wouldn't you know it? There's a cat hair in my lasagna. - - What do you have to say for yourself? Ouch!
ga860510 -- - CRASH! - What made you do that? My sense of aesthetics.
ga860511 -- - OH-NO! - ODIE! THANK GOODNESS IT'S YOU! THROW ME A VINE! - GREAT! - NOW PULL! - Playing in your food again, I see. Playing heck! You oughta put warning signs around this oatmeal!
ga860512 -- Let's see what kind of day it is. - ZIP! - It appears to be a monday.
ga860513 -- I'll get you out of there, Garfield. - WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! - My hero.
ga860514 -- Odie! Odie! Pull the blind down, fella! - WHIRRRRR! - Our here.
ga860515 -- Well, I guess you guys can forget what I said yesterday. - You know, about not doing enough together. - OUCH! QUIT IT! OUCH! CUT THAT OUT! ROWR! RRRR!
ga860516 -- I wonder how we're going to get out of here? - CRASH! - Isn't that the way? Just when everything looks hopeless, things work out. I love happy endings.
ga860517 -- Excuse me, Ma'am? - Would you mind doing me a big favor? YOU BEAST! - What did I say? I don't think she wanted to get involved.
ga860518 -- I'm glad you could join me. - You know, boys, it's nice to spend some quality time together and really visit. - Remember the time you got wrapped up in the window blind, Garfield? - And then I got caught in it trying to get you free? - Then,
ga860518 -- to top it off, Odie got caught in it trying to save us! - It seems like only yesrerday. - It WAS yesterday, you twit! Urf. No you can't go out, Odie!
ga860519 -- Sir, would you help us out of this window blind? Sure. - WHIRRRRR! - The house isn't much, but we call it home. What's for dinner?
ga860520 -- STOP RIGHT THERE! I KNOW WEIRDOS WHEN I SEE THEM! - WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! - Okay, you have me. Do with me what you will. Let's kill her. Shut up, Garfield.
ga860521 -- HELP! HELP! I'M BEING ABDUCTED. - Okay, you dirty rats! Come out with your hands up! - NEVER! WE'LL FIGHT TO THE LAST MAN! You stay out of this!
ga860522 -- I wonder how many more people are going to get trapped in this blind before this nightmare is over? - - Okay! Where did the lamppost come from?! I think Odie had something to do with it.
ga860523 -- It's hard to believe so many people can get caught in an ordinary window blind. - How are we going to get out of this thing? - And how are we going to get up?
ga860524 -- Hold tight, folks. snip snip - You're free! YAYYYY!! - This is great! It's nice to have some elbowroom. You can say that again!
ga860525 -- ROWR Tummies, they're never satisfied. - For me, life is like a potato chip...I can't have just one. - Life is like mashed potatoes...you gotta take the lumps with the good. SPLAT! - Life is like a cherry phosphate...by the time you get to
ga860525 -- the good stuff, the fizz is gone. - Life is like a turkey...any way you slice it, it's still a turkey. BONK! SPLASH! - Life is like a fine cheese...it becomes more precious with age. sniff - Life is like a rabbit...if it doesn't keep on
ga860525 -- hopping, it doesn't get anywhere. - Looking for the ultimate meaning of life, Garfield? It's on this table somewhere.
ga860526 -- I'm bored. - I think I'll take up a sport... - SMACK! Tag! I'm it!
ga860527 -- GOOSH! - Would you like a drink of water, Odie? -
ga860528 -- I'd like to be able to stop each of those cars and aske the people where they're going. If they didn't have a good excuse I'd send them home. - Of course, some of them may not have a home...how sad. - "Car people".
ga860529 -- The birds seem to be singing more this time of year. chirp chirp tweet - They may be heralding a change in seasons. * tweet - Then again, it could be the shower Jon installed in the birdbath. * tweet *
ga860530 -- Hey, dog! I laugh at your looks! I spit on your feet! - I like picking on the dog next door as long as there is a sturdy fence between us. - Knotholes! I forgot about the knotholes!
ga860531 -- Here, Garfield,, have some shark's fin soup. - Gee thanks, but, I'm not in the mood for seafood. - I think I'll just have some of our chicken's foot soup.
ga860601 -- Viewers, do you suffer from intelligence? - Good evening, this is Lance Sterling, your man on the street. - Here comes someone down the street now...ma'am, which are smarter, cats or dogs? - Why, cats, of course. SMACK! - And what do you
ga860601 -- think, sir? I think dogs are smarter. POKE - How about you, little boy? Pigs are smarter than cats or dogs. - Pigs are smarter than we are? That's hard to accept. - Come on, Odie. Let's go discuss this over a ham sandwich.
ga860602 -- - - Litter box backed up? I hate mondays.
ga860603 -- Yip! Yip! Yip! Let me help you, Odie. - PLOOP! - I don't know you dogs survive. Uh...Jon?
ga860604 -- Are you going to eat that hamburger, Pooky? - I love eating with teddy bears. - They're always stuffed.
ga860605 -- - GARFIELD! DIN... ZIP! GULP! - Urp...what's on TV? COME BACK HERE AND LINGER!
ga860606 -- tappity tappity tappity - I knew a dog who was so stupid, he chased bones and buried cars! - CLONK! BOP! BAP! BONK!
ga860607 -- I knew a dog who was so rich, he hired someone to drool for him! - HA! HA! HA! HA! - I hate to laugh at my own jokes.
ga860608 -- - Hold the diving board steady, Odie. - Okay, let's give it a try! - Out of the way, mutt! I'll be the first to try this swimming pool. - - Maybe we should check the assembly instructions again. scrittch scritch
ga860609 -- - You sure spend a lot of time in the sunbeam, Garfield. Haven't you heard? - Cats are solar powered.
ga860610 -- Hello there, I'm Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. I know I know. - There's something more important then being cute you know. Whatever could that be? - Being big.
ga860611 -- YEE-HA! - That looks like fun. Let me try that. - What's the problem here? It's a mystery to me.
ga860612 -- A little to the right. SCRITCH - Oh, yeh! That's it! SCRITCH SCRITCH - Now I see why people love cats. We're pretty terrific all right.
ga860613 -- What a great day! I feel like conquering the world today. Fat chance, kid. You're suffering from the idealism of youth. - Has it occured to you that you may be suffering from the cynicm of old age? - Okay, first we conquer the block, then the
ga860613 -- neighborhood, then...
ga860614 -- Hey! Quit leaning on me. I am not leaning on you. - PLOP - See? The wind shifted, that's all.
ga860615 -- UGH! LEFTOVERS! - - COME AND GET IT; GARFIELD! - - DINNER IS SERVERD! - - Got the hankering for something a cat can really dig into? The try the cat food with with real meat by-products and rare herbs and spices. Then, quench that all with a
ga860615 -- tall frosty bowl of milk. - Happy? We cats appreciate good packaging.
ga860616 -- Good heavens! I'm going to be eight years old this thursday! - I hate birthdays. They're a lot like calendars. - They remind you your days are numbered.
ga860617 -- Hey! There's somebody in bed with me! - Oh, it's you... - Good morning, belly.
ga860618 -- I have some bad news about your birthday cake, Garfield. - It collapsed under the weight of the candles. Is that an age joke? - Oh well, it would probably have set off the smoke alarm anyway. TIME-OUT! UNFAIR! AGE JOKE!
ga860619 -- Happy birthday, Garfield! We love you! - Do you know the best part of birthdays? - For a day, it's nice to have the world revolve around you!
ga860620 -- Happy birthday, Garfield. Here's a double-chocolate fudge marshmallow cream cake! - And here's chocolate chip ice cream, sugar cookie and a cherry phosphate! Any queszions? Yeh... - What's for dessert?
ga860621 -- For your birthday I got you a diet book. Gee, thanks! This is perfect! - Diet - Cookies
ga860622 -- Are you the bologna or the pimento loaf? - GROWL - Rats, I'm hungry for something and I don't know what it is. - I don't want lasagna. I don't want milk. I don't want hamburgers. - A craving usually denotes a deficiancy in the system. -
ga860622 -- THAT'S IT! - - The mailman content of my blood was getting low.
ga860623 -- Will that be all? Irma, we haven't ordered yet. - Here's your check. Have a nice day. - Don't you care that we haven't eaten? Not as long as you leave a nice tip.
ga860624 -- What do you recommend, Irma? - The hamburger flambe, french fries flambe, chili soup flambe, and peach pie flambe. - What's with all the flambes? The kitchen is on fire.
ga860625 -- What'll you have, Jon? - I'll have whatever he's having. - Suit yourself.
ga860626 -- How's it going, Irma? Great! Just won the fast-food service division of the waitress awards. - What's the fast-food service award? - BLAT! BLAT!
ga860627 -- Here you go, fellas. The "Saturday Special". - This stuff tastes terrible! - Well, to be honest, it's the "Week-Ago-Saturday Special".
ga860628 -- Irma, I ordered a pie a la mode. Where's the scoop ice cream? It was there a minute ago. - WAH-HA! - I GOT IT! I'll hav ethe pie plain, thank you.
ga860629 -- You have a heart of stone, my dear. - Come on, guys. We have some shopping to do. Can't you see I'm meditating right now? - This lawn ornament is perfect for mom. How long have you hated your mother? - I think I'll grab a little nap while Jon
ga860629 -- shops. - Oh, Freeman! Look at that plaster cat! Z - Yawn! What a nice nap? - - Why is it all the rotten luck happens to me? Whine! - Oh, what are you complaining about?
ga860630 -- Why, hello there, little spider. - Here, make yourself at home. Share my food, my bed... - My library. WHUMP!
ga860701 -- Okay, Odie, today we scare the mailman...look vicious! - - All right, let's practice slobbering on his shoes.
ga860702 -- Here comes the mailman. Now's my chance to shred his pant legs. - YOW! - Sorry, pal. I didn't notice you were wearing bermuda shorts.
ga860703 -- I hate it when I lose Garfield in the department store. - GARFIELD! WHERE ARE YOU? Over here. - House Plants By the...burp...salad bar.
ga860704 -- Normally I'd destroy Odie for this, but, luckily for him, I've had a change of heart. - PUNT! - Of course, it eill take a while for word to reach my foot.
ga860705 -- Good morning, Odie. - - How can you communicate with a dog whose brain didn't leave a forwarding address?
ga860706 -- Hold still, Odie. We'll get it open this time. - - Here's some change, Garfield. Get us some pop. - - CHUKONG! - I wonder what would happen if I put all the money in at once. CLINK CLINK - - CAJUNG!
ga860707 -- What a night! I dreamed the house was surrounded by a pack of vicious dogs chanting, "Send out the cat! Send out the cat!" - Good morning, Garfield. Would you like to go out? - I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE! Or would you rather stay in?
ga860708 -- OH, NO! JON'! FOAMING AT THE MOUTH! - QUICK! LET'S MAKE A BREAK FOR IT! - Good morning, boys. TOO LATE! LET'S SPLIT UP AND HOPE HE GOES AFTER YOU!
ga860709 -- That, son, is a cat. - He's a fat one and ugly, as cats go. - I may have to break our treaty agreement. Notice the sloping, criminal forehead.
ga860710 -- I can't understand it, Garfield, Why don't I have better luck with women? - Excuse me, Do you have the time? Only the rest of my life, you radiant thing you! - Perhaps you're a bit too eager.
ga860711 -- RRRRR - CLICK - Playing with the hair dryer, Garfield? I'm going for the natural look.
ga860712 -- Garfield, if you keep eating like that, you're going to explode. - POW! - Okay! Who shook the soda pop?
ga860713 -- Never tell a hungry cat the dinner is ALMOST ready. - Something smells good. What is it? - I'm going to bake a lasagna, Garfield, Do you wanna help? Let me think about it for a min...sure! - First we'll brown the hamburger with the tomato
ga860713 -- sauce and seasonings. I'd better see if this's fresh. - Then we'll scoop the ricota, slice the mozzarella and grate the parmesan. I'd better see if this stuff's NOT fresh. - Next, we'll lay a bed of noodles in the pan. One for me, one for the
ga860713 -- lasagna, one for me... - And no we'll bake it for one hour at 3750. - TIME PASSES - Gee, that recipe didn't make much lasagna. It apparently didn't take sampling into account.
ga860714 -- THERE'S NO ESCAPING IT! - IT'S GONNA GEt ME! - AHCHOO!
ga860715 -- Sniff. I'm allergic to something around here. I wonder if it's dogs? - SNIFF! - Nope.
ga860716 -- Ah, AH - AH, AHH! - CHOOO!
ga860717 -- Sniff. - SNIFF - SNUCK! Yes, Garfield. I know you're not feeling well.
ga860718 -- I'M GONNA SNEEZE! AH-AHH AHHH! - fft - Thank you. Where are you going? I'm going to boil my finger now.
ga860719 -- This is what's been making me sneeze! It's Jon's cologne. - It's called "Ditchdigger, The Working Man's Cologne". - And, as you know, I'm allergic to work.
ga860720 -- All right, who brought in the fleas. scritch scritch scritch - Sigh. - I'm bored. There's gotta be something to do. - Pets always seem to be able to entertein themselves. Maybe I could do what they do. - So...played with any good yarn lately?
ga860720 -- - I got it! I got it! - - Call the Funny Farm, Reba! Arbuckle's finally gone off the deep end! rowr Yip! Yip! Bark! Bark!
ga860721 -- YAWN - - Mondays are losing their subtlety.
ga860722 -- Monday 21 - RIP Monday 22 - OH, NO! IT'S THE MONDAY THAT WOULDN'T DIE!
ga860723 -- Monday 23 You're right, Garfield. Every day this week is monday. - I'm sure it's just a misprint. It doesn't mean anything. - Then again. GONK!
ga860724 -- I'd better check to see if it's still monday out there. - - SPLUT! Yup.
ga860725 -- Imagine having to suffer an entire week of mondays. Well, they're not getting me! - I'm spending the rest of the week in bed. - You gotta get up pretty early to put one over on old Garfield.
ga860726 -- - It must be wonderful to be that stupid. - For Odie, every day is saturday.
ga860727 -- HERE, KITTY, KITTY. - Uh-oh. - Hello, kitty. Would you like to come to my house? Take a hike, kid. - I'll fix you lots of good things to eat. I'm with you! - We'll have such a splendid time! - And you can play with Muffin, too. - Here you go,
ga860727 -- Muffin.
ga860728 -- How's your coffee this morning, Garfield? A little weak. - THUD! - See? It didn't even crack the plate.
ga860729 -- - gobble munch smack slurp - Burp
ga860730 -- Don't eat this pie, Garfield. I won't. - You won't forget will you? I won't forget. I never forget. - I just have convenient lapses of memory.
ga860731 -- Sorry, boys. I just ran out of coffee. WHAT?! - Wait! You're in luck. I just remembered... - The last guy in here spilled his. I think I'm going to be sick.
ga860801 -- This is great. What did mom used to say about sleeping in laundry baskets? - - Ah, yes..."My son, sleep only in the clean laundry".
ga860802 -- This mirror should shame Garfield into losing some weight. - - Why, thank you for the charming and witty dinner companion, Jon. You can't shame a shameless cat.
ga860803 -- FROM DEEP WITHIN GARFIELD'S WORST FEARS IT...*CAME*! - SEE! THE MONDA yTHAT WOULDN'T DIE! Z - See! The attack of the incredible Slobber Monster! - See! The interminable visit of the cutest kitten on earth! ARRRGH! - See! The can opener that
ga860803 -- wouldn't work! UNNGH! toink toink toink - Wake up, Garfield. Wanna go to a movie? It's not violent, is it? - It's called "Slime Pit Zombie Chain Saw Massacre". As long as there are no mondays in it.
ga860804 -- Are you ready for this, Garfield? - TAH-DAH ARRGH! - Are you all right? Next time warn me before you get ready to play golf?
ga860805 -- Do you know what these are, Garfield. Yes, I do. - And do you know what they're for? Of course. - I know doggie whackers when I see them.
ga860806 -- I'm going golfing, Garfield. Would you be my caddy? No way! I'm nobody's slave. - That's okay. I have somebody else in mind anyway. - Hello, caddy. - We're all doomed!
ga860807 -- Take my clubs, caddy! - Oops. HAR! HAR! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW? - This is surely breaking some pet labor law.
ga860808 -- Fetch the ball, caddy. - ODIE! - Let's talk. Here comes the gounds keeper, and, yes, I believe he's carrying a gun.
ga860809 -- Bring my bag, caddy. - OH-NO! - WHERE ARE MY CLUBS?! Back where I decided to lighten the load.
ga860810 -- Ready...aim. - * - Arch toast snatcher, Garfield the cat, prepares to ply his trade. TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK - ZIP! TOING! - - - TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK - TOING! CLANG!
ga860811 -- SPLUT - WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! - What was that all about? I'm training you guys to hate mondays too.
ga860812 -- Maybe I should cut down on coffee. - It's starting to keep me awake. - I must have tossed and turned for three minutes last night.
ga860813 -- SLUCK - DONK! - Nothing spoils lunch any quicker than a rogue meatball rampaging through your spaghetti.
ga860814 -- Hey, Garfield. Come here. - I'm sleeping with my socks on tonight. - Hee hee Har! Har! Life is a gas when you live with a crazy man like Jon!
ga860815 -- PANT PANT PANT - SCRIT -
ga860816 -- Hmmm - Ingedients: You're better off not knowing. - What you don't know can't hurt you, right?
ga860817 -- DONK! - dink - dinka - DINKA DONKA - DINKA DONKA DUNKA - DINKA DUNKA DONKA SPLUT - Hey, Odie! Come here. I have a surprise for you! - Have a piece of pie, boy. - DINKA DUNKA DONKA BONK!
ga860818 -- I suppose it's nice that Jon lets the neighborhood kids play in our yard. - BONK! - Then again, there's something to be said for barbed wire.
ga860819 -- Oh, no! Mice have gotten into the cereal. - That settles it! It's time to take action! - WE GOTTA GET A CAT!
ga860820 -- GARFIELD! THERE'S A RAT IN THE CELLAR! So? - So I want you to catch him. - Then what am I supposed to do? Make a citizen's arrest? You're hopeless. You know that don't you?
ga860821 -- What are we going to do about the rat in the cellar? I KNOW! - - What are you doing? We'll poison him.
ga860822 -- Why do *I* have to catch the rat? They're mean, with large pointy teeth. - Hold on, boy. Remember you're a cat. A fierce, carnivorous, predarory animal. - THe KING OF THE JUNGLE! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
ga860823 -- Did you get the rat, Garfield? You know, Jon, people should talk more. - The rat...did you catch the rat? All things can be worked out if you just use reason. - What happened? I gave him territory.
ga860824 -- Oh, great. - I hate spiders. - WHAP! Aack! - cough cough wheeze - daddy! speak to me! your father is dead, son. I'm a widow now. - I guess I should feel like a heel. - But, I don't. WHAP! Aack! Aack!
ga860825 -- Go get the paper, Garfield. Work! Work! Work! That's all I do around here. - I wonder what would happen if I just kept right on walking? - I guess I'm going to find out.
ga860826 -- Odie, it's been 10 minutes since I sent Garfield after the paper. Go find him. - - Why do I feel like I just sent the lamb after the lion?
ga860827 -- Gee, I sure miss the boys. - WHAT'S THAT?! - Oh yeah...that's quiet.
ga860828 -- GARFIELD! ODIE?! WHERE ARE YOU? - HA-HA, GUYS. THE JOKE'S OVER. NOE COME BACK HERE! - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Call the wagon, Reba! that's not a natural laugh!
ga860829 -- Well, here I am on my own. - I feel, so...so... - So out-on-my-ownish.
ga860830 -- sniff sniff sniff - - MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
ga860831 -- BEEP BEEP BIP BOOP - Hello? Lost And Found? Take this down: "Missing: My two precious pets answering to the names 'Garfield' and 'Odie'. When found, contact Jon Arbuckle, 711 Maple Street. Large reward. Repeat, LARGE reward." - That 'large
ga860831 -- reward" bit will have everybody looking. CLICK  - The NExt Day... Ah! There's my ad. Jon boy, you thought of everything. - DING DONG I wonder who that could be? - Who, Simba! Er I mean, Odie. I found Garfield and Odie, mither. Maybe I should
ga860831 -- have been more specific.
ga860901 -- I don't know why I should be so upset over Garfield and Odie leaving. It's not like they're family or anything. - It's 10:00. Do you know where your children are? - WAH!
ga860902 -- Gee, I'm lonely. I feel like it's just me against the world. - GROWL - Okay, okay...US agains the rest of the world.
ga860903 -- I'm so tired I hurt. - I could sleep for a week. - If I were't staring at this special for ground beef at Ed's Market.
ga860904 -- I'm homesick. I think I'll use my natural, uncanny sense of direction to find my way home. - - If I can find my way out of this newspaper.
ga860905 -- ODIE! YOU SLY DOG! THERE YOU ARE! - - Odie must have a very popular ear style.
ga860906 -- The milkman cometh. - Now to wait for the doughnut man.
ga860907 -- - Hello, doggie, are you lost? - - Would you like to come home with me? - Hmmm - And how would you like those silly ears of yours tied in a square knot? - I thought so.
ga860908 -- Mommy! Look at the doggie I found. May I heep him? - He's not rabid or anything, is he? Oh, no! He's not rabid! - He's just stupid.
ga860909 -- Would you like to give Dollie a kiss, doggie? - SLURP! How sweet! - DOLLY! WHERE DID YOUR FACE GO?!
ga860910 -- Oh, doggie. I love you and I hug you and I squeeze you! I could hold you forever! - Good night, doggie! - GASP!
ga860911 -- Sniff - Oh, poor doggie. I'll bet you miss your home, don't you? I'll bet you'd like to go back to your owner, wouldn't you? - OVER MY DEAd BODY!
ga860912 -- Okay, doggie, let's pretend you're at a tea party with all your little friends. - Now let's pretend... - IT'S OVERRUN BY MERCENARY GUERILLAS!
ga860913 -- Good night, little doggie. You sure do love it here, don't you? - Doggie? - Mom! Call out the dogs! Another one's gone over the wall!
ga860914 -- If you are here you are lost! - - Uh-oh! Look, fellas, a cat chew-toy. - ARF! ARF! Wait a minute. He braks like a dog. - PANT! PANT! PANT! And he pants like a dog. - Cool it, guys! Here comes the dogcatcher! BARK! BARK! - purrr scratch
ga860914 -- scratch meyow There's no justice.
ga860915 -- It's getting hungry out here. I hate to admit it, but I'd better find work. But, what can I do? - BINGO! - I Want You Join The Circus Show business, here I come!
ga860916 -- I'm going to join the circus! - I think I'll be a trapeze artist of a lion tamer. - Or a clown.
ga860917 -- Listen up, cat. I'm Binky The Clown. I'm the head clown around here and don't you forget it! It's a little hard to ignore. - And respect...I demand respect. - When I honk my nose, people snap to attention. He's full bore looney all right.
ga860918 -- This is a slapstick. It makes a lod noise, but, it doesn't really hurt. - Go ahead. Hit me with it as hard as you can. With pleasure! WHAP! - It's all in the wrist.
ga860919 -- LADIEES AND GENTLEMEN! MY ASSISTANT!... ROTUNDO THE CLOWN! "Rotundo"? - ROTUNDO WILL NOW TAKE A PIE IN THE FACE! SPLUT! - FROM MY ASSISTANT; DUMMY THE CLOWN! He looks vaguely familiar.
ga860920 -- This life isn't for me. Are you coming with me, clown? ploop - ODIE! - Hey! We ran away from home to run away from the circus!
ga860921 -- Table for two? - Boy, am I hungry. - If we don't find something to eat soon, Odie, we are going to starve. - LOOK! AN ANTHILL! - In parts of the world where food is scarce, natives squat by the anthills... - As the ants come out they pinch
ga860921 -- their tiny heads and put them in a pile until there's enough for a meal! - Bon appetit, Odie. You enjoy yourself. - While I squat by the door of this butcher shop.
ga860922 -- You boys look like you need a good meal. We're starved! - Well come in. Eat! Eat! There you go, Odie. - PET SHOP There ARE some good-hearted people in this old world.
ga860923 -- Hi, gang. What is this? Some kind of party? No, it's some kind of pet shop. CLANG! - You were lured in here with food. Now you're trapped. There's nothing to do here but eat and sleep. - Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me. you have a
ga860923 -- very brave friend here.
ga860924 -- This pet shop life isn't so bad. It's kind of like camp. - Oh, it has drawbacks, believe me. Name one. - You bunk with the lizard. I'm getting the drift.
ga860925 -- I tell you, friend, living in a pet shop is dehumanizing. There's no privacy. The overcrowded conditions are deplorable. Amen. - Here's the ship ment of mice, Mrs. Ernsberger. Where do you want them? - PUT 'EM IN HERE! WE'LL TAKE'M! WE CAN
ga860925 -- MAKE ROOM!
ga860926 -- GARFIELD! ODIE! JON! The cat and dog are $25 for the pair. - - I'll give you 20. You're going to regret that one, Jon.
ga860927 -- What a surprise to find you guys in a pet shop! - I would have never thought to look there. Then what were you?... - Forget it I'd rather not know.
ga860928 -- Home's where you can scratch where it itches. - HOME! - It's great to be home! Home is truly where the heart is! - I even love the little imperfections that give it personality... - This little squeaky place in the floor. SQUIK SQUIK - The
ga860928 -- dripping faucets, the peeling wallpaper. - The cracking paint, leaking roof...termintes,...dry rot... - This place is a dump!
ga860929 -- Whew! Boy is my breath bad this morning. - It must have been that sandwich I ate before bed last night. - Or possibly that block of goat cheese.
ga860930 -- I gotta find something for this bad breath. - Aha! - Your breath smells funny. Yours would too if you gargled with after-shave.
ga861001 -- There's all kind of neat stuff in here. - Deodorant. I know what this is for. - sssssss
ga861002 -- BZZZZ - CLICK - PLaying with my electric razor, Garfield? Never mind.
ga861003 -- GARFIELD! - YOU'RE USING MY TOOTHBRUSH! Stick around. You can watch me floss. - IS NOTHIG SACRED?! Where's that mouthwash?
ga861004 -- Rats, what happened to the maple syrup? - Now I remember...the syrup bottle sprang a leak. - So I poured it in Jon's hair tonic bottle.
ga861005 -- Oh, Garfield? Get your face outta my place. - You're going to exercise today, Garfield. NO! - YOU'RE GOING TO EXERCISE, OR ELSE! IT'S A FREE COUNTRY! I'M FREE TO Be OUT OF SHAPE! - We're going jogging! NO! - We're playing tennis! NO! BONK! -
ga861005 -- We're doing push-ups! NO! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! - OKAY! YOU WIN! An empty victory, But a victory none the less.
ga861006 -- - - THUD This has possibilities.
ga861007 -- - - Drive-thru restaurants are so convenient.
ga861008 -- - -
ga861009 -- - BLAM! -
ga861010 -- Gimme that! - I have plans for this radio controlled tank. - We'll take no prisoners.
ga861011 -- How cute, a toy tank. - BLAM! - Sorry about that. But, we had reason to believe your tuna casserole was leaking troop movement information to the enemy.
ga861012 -- I'm going to get Garfield to jog with me today by attacking his pride. - Hey, Garfield, I was going to challenge you to a race, but I decided not to humiliate you. You're too fat and out of shape to outrun a garden slug. - OH YEAH?! YOU'RE
ga861012 -- ON! My psychology is working! - GET ON YOUR MARK! GET SET! - G=! SLAM! - CLICK - There is never a need to outrun anything you can outwit.
ga861013 -- Z - CRASH! DONK! WHAP! - The monday paper.
ga861014 -- - Why, hello, Garfield. Where have you been all day? purrr - Under your car.
ga861015 -- STOMP! - PUSH - POOMP!
ga861016 -- Garfield! You're not going to believe this! I was in a bakery today buying a cake when three midgets in gorilla costumes raced in, se tthe place on fire and ran out with the cash register! Wow! - Come on, Jon, Don't spare the details! -
ga861016 -- Chocolate or vanilla frosting?
ga861017 -- Today I will demonstrate "deep-knee-kricks". - This is one I'm sure just about all of you can do. - KRICK KRICK
ga861018 -- sigh - Anybody can exercise... - But this kind of lethargy takes REAL discipline.
ga861019 -- - SLUUUCK - - - - SPLOOSH! - I assume there's a reason for this. I'd like to get your assessment of the possibility of blueberry pancakes for breakfast.
ga861020 -- I'm ready this time. - Come on, monday, do your worst. - Garfield, we're going to see the vet today. Arrrghh!
ga861021 -- Tell me something, doc. - Why is it every time I bring a hoseplant home, Garfield eats it? - Given the shape he's in, it's one of the few things in his diet that can't outrun him. She's a funny lady.
ga861022 -- Give me one good reason why you won't go out with me, doc. - You're obnoxious, pushy, wishy-washy, slow-witted and boring. - Oh yeah? Well give me a second reason.
ga861023 -- Just what would I have to do to get you to go out with me, doc? - Stand on your head and scream like a chicken, for starters. - BUCK-BUCK-BUC-KAW! Dignity is not in this man's vocabulary.
ga861024 -- Look, Jon. My boyfriend wouldn't like it if he knew you were trying to ask me out. Oh, yeah? What's his name. - Nick "The Mangler" Scarlotti. Oooo! I'm impressed! - I AM impressed.
ga861025 -- How old is your cat, Mr. Arbuckle? - He's eight. Really? He doesn't look that old. - He shouldn't. He's only been awake for about two of those years. Is it any wonder I hate him?
ga861026 -- Oh oh! Jon has that "we're going to the vet" look. - I'm glad I don't have to get a dog shot. - I only have to get a little kitty shot, but you have to get a dog shot. - The dog shot needles are this long and real thick. - NEXT! - Okay, let's
ga861026 -- do the dog shot first. - There, that wasn't bad, was it? - Now for the kitty shot. Inside, I'm screaming.
ga861027 -- Sigh. - I don't think I could bear to see Odie pushed off the table today. - Therefore... push
ga861028 -- And now a word from our sponsor. - We guarantee in writing that, if you buy our products, we will make mor emoney than you do. - Refreshingly direct.
ga861029 -- Let's see...we have everything for the beach except a beach ball. - HEY, GARFIELD! BRING SOMETHING WE CAN KICK AROUND IN THE SURF! - Without even looking around, I know I should have rephrased that.
ga861030 -- Make yourself useful, Garfield. Here's an air mattress and an instruction sheet. - Unroll and lay flat. I can handle that. -
ga861031 -- - Remember, Garfield, there is no greater failing than apathy. - So what?
ga861101 -- Garfield, you're a pearl. Why, thank you, Jon. - And do you know how pearls are formed in oysters? Howzat? - THROUGH CONSTANT IRRITATION! Jon must not be happy with me.
ga861102 -- No fern is too tough for the Caped Avenger (urp!) - Steady, boy. Steady. - Okay, Odie. Let's ee if you're worthy of being the Caped Avenger's high performance mode of transportation! - FASTER! - FASTER! - ZIP! STOP! - Seat belt...the Caped
ga861102 -- Avenger needs a seat belt.
ga861103 -- GO! GO! GO! - Garfield, that monster shark just ate Tokyo. Why are you cheering for it? - Anything that eats everything can't be all bad.
ga861104 -- - And what are YOU supposed to be? - Anothe rhapless bather falls prey to the tiger shark.
ga861105 -- The cunning tiger shark, the world's most efficient eating machine with the world's most vocarious appetite, spies a helpless feast! - FEEDINF FRENZY! - ptoo! Yuck! Anchovies!
ga861106 -- I suppose you think you look like a shark. You got it, buster. - Well you don't look anything like a shark! Oh, yeah? - Well just wait until my fin comes back from the cleaners!
ga861107 -- - CHOMP MUNCH GULP - Just when you thought it was safe to have breakfast...
ga861108 -- As the shark approaches his prey, he senses something amiss. - Oh, yeah, water! Sharks need water! -
ga861109 -- Happy people must know something we don't. - What's this? - Why, thank you, Garfield. - DOG FOOD! QUICK! GIMME SOMETHING TO DRINK! - HOT SAUCE! I'M BURNING UP! - GLUG GLUG GLUG - GOLDFISH WATER! ANTIDOTE! ANTIDOTE! - AARRGH! ANCHOVIES!! This
ga861109 -- could go on for days.
ga861110 -- Self-indulgence. - There's a message in those great words. - If you don't indulge yourself...nobody will.
ga861111 -- - POOMP! - Business lunch.
ga861112 -- Hey, Garfield, do you know what time it is? Lunch time? - It's time for fun with static electricity! - The man is a laugh riot.
ga861113 -- Bus Stop Here it comes. - It's slowing down! Jon, you're so insecure. - Look at that, Garfield! A whole bus stopped just for me! You're a heavyweight, all right.
ga861114 -- - ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'LL GET YOUR BREAKFAST! - sob sob Cracked like an egg.
ga861115 -- Garfield, why can't you catch mice like other cats? - - Sorry. I always like to give him a second to retract his stupid statements before I hurt him.
ga861116 -- AROOOO! - AROOOO - AROOOOoooooo Odie needs something to occupy his time. - This television should shut him up. AROO - AROOO* - -
ga861117 -- Good morning, Garfield. - Z - I hate monday morning pep talks. Z
ga861118 -- AHA! GOTCHA! - It's time for your flea spray. Now don't give me any trouble. Just sit there. - PSSSSSSs That's my boy.
ga861119 -- Okay, mouse! I know you're behind that box! Come out with your hands up! - -
ga861120 -- GARFIELD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! scratch scratch scratch - - Your chair has an itch.
ga861121 -- Z - This looks like a nice place... Z - for a nap. Z
ga861122 -- Look, Garfield. I got you a water bed! - Water beds are all the rage, right? You always wanted a water bed, right? Right. - But a hot water bottle in a box?
ga861123 -- Odie, come here, boy. I have a wet surprise for you. - - KNOCK KNOCK - OH, NO! WET PETS! - MY CHAIR! - GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! - ARRRRGH! - Sob. There's a proud man, Odie. He won't let us see him cry.
ga861124 -- You think too much about food, Garfield. You need a distraction. - Try reading a book. Novel idea. - COOK BOOK
ga861125 -- I have a special surprise for you today, Garfield! - Generic cat food. - Then feed it to a generic cat! toing SPLAT!
ga861126 -- You know, Garfield, you should really be thankful for the food you eat. - I am, Jon. I am. - I'm also thankful for the food you eat.
ga861127 -- Isn't life great, Garfield? We should count our blessings. - ZIP! - Whew! They're all there!
ga861128 -- Garfield, did you eat my jelly fille ddoughnut? - It was like this, Jon. It happened to be a rogue doughnut wounded in a jungle bakery. - Crazed with fear and pain, it charged my mouth and I was forced to eat it in self-defense. It's times
ga861128 -- like this I wish I understood him.
ga861129 -- I'M HOME! - Hi, Garfield. You're so nice to come home to!
ga861130 -- NUTS! STUCK AGAIN! - HEY, GARFIELD, DINNER! - SCREEE - GULP - Garfield, you can't still be hungry. - You have to lose weight. No mor efood until breakfast. - Do you really want that, Jon? Do you know what happens to skinny people? - THEY
ga861130 -- BECOME MIMES, JON. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!! A MIME?!
ga861201 -- I think I'll take a short nap. - Hee hee hee. - Whoever heard of a tall nap?
ga861202 -- If the early bird gets the worm, then the early cat should get the bird. - So I'll just step outside and get an... - EARLY DOG!
ga861203 -- YAWN - smack smack smack - I wish Jon would warn me before he turns the firnace on.
ga861204 -- - Some people lose weight. - I just give it a temporary leave of absence.
ga861205 -- - Odie isn't exactly the brightest dog around. - His I-Q- is so low, you can't test it. You have to dig for it.
ga861206 -- - MEOW! - meow meow meow meow meow Echo.
ga861207 -- - YIP! YIP! YIP! - BONK! - - FFFFT - thock! -
ga861208 -- Hey, Garfield, I've decided to throw a party. - I'll invite all of my friends. - I'd better start making plans. ...and friends.
ga861209 -- Hello, Liz? This is Jon Arbuckle. - I'm throwing a little party this weekend and I...excuse me? - Do you mean that literally or figuratively? Literally has my vote.
ga861210 -- Well, Garfield, what do you think of my party outfit? I like it. - It makes a statement. - And that statement is, "I'm a nerd".
ga861211 -- You're going to look great for the party. - Hey, Garfield, what do you think of Odie's costume? - It's just screaming for accessories.
ga861212 -- It's 9:30 and nobody's shown up for my party. What do we do now? - - Okay, food, my tongue's leaving town in 15 minutes. Be on it!
ga861213 -- I can't understand why no one came to my perty. Surely they got the invitations. - I told Odie to take them to the mailbox 3 days ago. - But did you tell him to put tehm IN the mailbox?
ga861214 -- Garfield, don't eat this food. It's for my party. - - Okay, Odie. Take these party invitations and put them in the mailbox. - - - Come on, Garfield. The social event of the season has arrived. DING DONG - I was expecting the upper crust. And
ga861214 -- you got the crumbs.
ga861215 -- Good morning, Pooky. - Teddy bears are great to sleep with. - No morning breath.
ga861216 -- - SQUEEZE -
ga861217 -- HA, HA, HA! YOU SQUEEZED POOKY TOO HARD HUH? THAT's HYSTERICAL! - SQUEEZE -
ga861218 -- - SQUEEZE - ARRRGH!
ga861219 -- Good news, Garfield. - I completely restuffed Pooky for you. -
ga861220 -- You know, with Pooky overstuffed like that, you two make a good match. - Like father, like son, eh? -
ga861221 -- Sign here, mister. - Hey, Garfield. I got an aluminium tree this year. No more mess. No more tradition. - And for splash and dash, it turns in an electric stand! Is nothing sacred? - If it's splash and dash Jon wants, this blender would make
ga861221 -- a keen tree stand. - Ready for me to plug the tree in, Garfield? Give me a head start! - WHIRRRR ARRRRGH! HEY, JON! WANT MORE DASH? TRY LIQUEFY!
ga861222 -- Get out of my way, Odie. I'm trying to wrap presents. - -
ga861223 -- Good evening, folks. I'd like to start by signing a few Christmas carols! - SPLUT! BLAT! SPLAT! - Critics don't even take the holidays off.
ga861224 -- Well, the gifts are under the tree and the food is prepared. There's only one more order of business... - I just want to tell you guys how much I love you. - Jon is like Christmas. I only appreciate him once a year.
ga861225 -- WAKE UP, BOYS! IT'S CHRISTMAS MORNING! - Let's see if Santa brought gifts for all the good little children. - I guess not. Here's one for Garfield. What the heck, it's Christmas. I'll let him live.
ga861226 -- The day after Christmas I always get drepressed. - Do you know what I mean, Garfield? Yes, I do. - If I were you I'd be depressed every day.
ga861227 -- What a dippy sweater. - It's not the gift, but thought that counts. - Okay, okay, I THINK it's a dippy sweater.
ga861228 -- EEK! - Here he is! Z - Excuse us, Mr. Cat. We desire cheese. - We can't sleep without our cheese. - And if we can't sleep, you won't sleep. - All right! All right! - Here, if there's nothing else, I'd like to get some sleep. - You wouldn't
ga861228 -- happen to have tiny little forks would you? Here's where I turn vicious.
ga861229 -- CAT HAIRS! They're a face of life. - THERE ARE CAT HAIRS ALL OVER THE PLACE! So, what are you going to do about it? - I'll be packing my bags and leaving now.
ga861230 -- Wherever I stop, we're stuck with it. Right, Garfield? Right. - The things Jon will do for excitement... - click click click click Television roulette.
ga861231 -- You guys will never guess what I found at the store. - PHONY THE TEETH! - HAR! HAR! HAR! HAR! Let's bite him in the neck.
ga870101 -- It's time to clean the fridge, Garfield. I'll call a S.W.A.T. team. - Grim. - I haven't seen these olives in years. And it's only halfway back.
ga870102 -- You're a very brave cat, Garfield, and I know you want me to be proud of you. - ZOOM! - He can smell a visit to the vet a mile away.
ga870103 -- POOKY! - HOW DARE YOU HARM MY TEDDY BEAR! pop - BAP BAP BAP BAP BAP
ga870104 -- YAWN - ALL RIGHT! SNOW! - I love the first snow of the year. - WHOAAA! - FUMP! - BLAT! SPLAT! BOP! - Did you enjoy the snow, Garfield? Quite...I'm ready for summer snow.
ga870105 -- Attention, lounge lizards! This is your week in the sun. Today we begin celebrating "National Lazy Week"! - What's so great about being lazy, you say? - What if war were declared and nobody showed?
ga870106 -- Is National Lazy Week for you? Ask yourself this: - Would you be willing to lead a parade in celebration of the lazy life? - If the answer is yes...you're all wrong for Lazy Week.
ga870107 -- Never confuse being lazy with being apathetic. We lazy people are not apathetic. - Apathetic people don't care about anything. - Lazy people care, we just don't do anything about it.
ga870108 -- Do people call you "worthless"? Do people call you a "couch potato"? - Why should we be held up to public ridicule just because we subscribe to a kinetically passive lifestyle. We should stand up for ourselves! - THE NEXT TIME PEOPLE CALL YOU
ga870108 -- LAZY, TELL 'EM YOU WERE SICK WHEN YOU WERE A KID!
ga870109 -- Don't forget the National Lazy Week motto, lazy people. "There must be an easier way". - Many great ideas have been spawned from that noble sentiment. - You can bet it wasn't an exercise freak who invented power steering.
ga870110 -- For those of you who want to stop abusing your bodies through fanatic exercise, but can't muster the willpower... - You can now join "Garfield's Exercisers Anonymous". - Every time you feel an uncontrollable urge to jog, I send someone over
ga870110 -- with a mug of warm milk and a tape of the Beverly Hillbillies.
ga870111 -- Waterin' down the coffee again, pilgrim? - Burp - - JON! - JON! WAKE UP! I'M HAVING NIGHTMARES! - Garfield, if you didn't stuff yourself right before going to bed, you wouldn't dream about big, ugly monsters. - Did you hear what he called you
ga870111 -- guys? - I think I'll polish off that pepperoni pizza now.
ga870112 -- Isn't this great, Garfield? We have a whole day of fishing ahead of us! Hotcha. - HEY! WHERE's THE BAIT? Bait? - GARFIELD! I thought it was sushi.
ga870113 -- Actually, Garfield is pretty easy to care for. - Cats are so clean, always primping and washing themselves. - We're out of foot powder. Almost to a fault.
ga870114 -- Ah, my dear, you're as lovely as ever, but, you look so stiff and formal in that outfit. - Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? - LIKE ME!
ga870115 -- - CHOMP! - SPRONG!
ga870116 -- Just what is an heirloom? - A heirloom is something that's been in your family for generations... - That no one's had the guts to pitch out.
ga870117 -- zzzzzzz - zzzzzzz - zzzzzz Just as I suspected.
ga870118 -- * Oh, Nermalll * - Kittens love to chase things. - CRASH! This can be a very satisfying form of enterteinmant. - BONK! Kittens also love to play catch. - But, the best way to drive them wild is to hide objects from them. - ROWR! cRUNCH! HISS!
ga870118 -- - But, not for very long.
ga870119 -- GARFIELD! WAKE UP! - I've made a decision that could alter the course of my entire life. - I have decided to grow a mustache. I suppose I could blame this on monday.
ga870120 -- Notice anything different about me, Garfield? You're not drinking out of your Binky The Clown mug. - I think my mustache is coming in rather nicely. That's not your cocoa? - Wanna touch it? It feels really weird. Hey, buddy, I have to eat
ga870120 -- with these hands!
ga870121 -- Look Odie! A hideous hairy monster is nesting under Jon's nose! - Maybe it'sll spread and cover the rest of his face. - Are you making fun of me? IT MOVED!
ga870122 -- Mustaches do strange things to people. - They make some guys think they're someone they're not. - Frankly, my dear, I don't give a darn. I don't feel safe here anymore.
ga870123 -- ARRRGH! - JON! WHAt HAPPENED? I'M FINE! GO AWAY! - ARE YOU OKAY? TELL ME! The shaver snagged my mustache, okay?
ga870124 -- I shaved my mustache off, Garfield. Do tell. - I decided it made me look like a walrus. I'm proud of you, Jon. - It takes a big walrus to admit his mistakes.
ga870125 -- How's my little buddy today? Crowded. - TAP TAP TAP - Garfield, what are you doing? - SNAP! Charades? I love charades! Let's see...first word...you? No, you're! That's it! You're! - Leg! No! Stand! You're standing in something! - Fourth word!
ga870125 -- MY! You're standing in my! - I GOT IT! FOOD! YOU'RE STANDNIG IN MY FOOD! - That was a good one. Now it's my turn. This is a movie title, okay?
ga870126 -- - - Amused, Garfield? That's "Mr. Fig Face" to you.
ga870127 -- * - *
ga870128 -- Here I am falling asleep face down in a bowl of food. - This is it. I've reached the pinnacle of laziness and gluttony...how depressing. - There's no place to go after you've reached the top.
ga870129 -- I eat too much because I'm depressed, and I'm depressed because I eat too much. - It's a vicious circle... - That took years to perfect!
ga870130 -- BANG! BANG! Hello? Anybody home? - BRINNNNNG! - Next time, use the door knocker. Sorry.
ga870131 -- - STOP RIGHT THERE! - Sometimes that's all a cat understands.
ga870201 -- Don't slobber on the controls, Mr. Odie! - WHAT HO?! - Pistachios! And they're all mine! - crack BOING! - SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF - SNORT! - SLURP! - Dogs APPEAR friendly, but, I'd hate to get caught between one and his appetite. BURP
ga870202 -- - BONK! - GARFIELD! SPEAK TO ME! Aunty Em? Is that you?
ga870203 -- Garfield! That was a nasty fall you took. Are you all right` - Garfield? Who's Garfield? - OH, nO! HE'S LOST HIS MEMORY! I do seem to rememger being hungry.
ga870204 -- Having anmesia isn't so bad. It'll be kind of fun finding out what a great guy I am. - ARRRGH! - OH, NO! I'M A CAT!
ga870205 -- Maybe seeing Odie will jog your memory. What a swell looking dog. Put 'er there. - YIP! YIP! YIP! - I woner if I'm going to like this Garfield?
ga870206 -- Look, Garfield. It's Pooky! Your favorite possession and closest friend. Do you remember Pooky? - Don't be silly. I'm a grown cat. What would I need with a teddy bear?
ga870207 -- Amnesia has wiped my slate clean. I start establishing who I am today. - - I am (burp) a glutton.
ga870208 -- Hey, stranger. This body ain't big enough for the both of us. - What a week...I fall on my head, totally lose my memory, and have no idea who this Garfield fella is. - - HANg ON! SOMETHING'S COMING BACK! - HA! HA! - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - I'm
ga870208 -- terribly sorry about that. You see, I'm not myself today.
ga870209 -- Amnesia is weird. This Garfield is like a total stranger to me. - I know nothing about him. - Aside from what the creep did to my body.
ga870210 -- This should jog your memory, Garfield... LASAGNA! - No thank you. You wouldn't have a plump, juicy mouse, wouldn't you? - ARRRGH! I'd never get this stuff out of my whiskers.
ga870211 -- You just HAVE to restore Garfield's memory, doc. - He doesn't beat up on Odie, he doesn't claw the furniture, he's not lazy and obnoxious... - Are you sure you want me to do this? Come to think of it...
ga870212 -- Let's test his reflexes. DONK! - - DOING! Normal. For Garfield.
ga870213 -- Perhaps Garfield's amnesia could be cured by lightly traumatizing his cranium. - KNOCK MY CAT ON THE HEAD?! WHO WOULD EVER DO SUCH A THING?!! - May I be of assistance? You stay out of this.
ga870214 -- Go ahead. A little tap on the head may bring your cat's memory back. DONK! - GONK! - HEY! I CAN REMEMBER! IT'S ME! GARFIELD THE CAT! Garfield? Who's Garfield?
ga870215 -- - dig dig dig dig - ? - dig dig dig - ?!! - DIG DIG DIG - pat pat pat
ga870216 -- RIIINNNGG Z - SMASH! - I hate alarm clocks.
ga870217 -- I hate spiders! - STOMP! - I hate hating spiders.
ga870218 -- - - I hate wax doughnuts.
ga870219 -- - FWANG! - I hate folding chairs.
ga870220 -- SWOOSH - BLAT! I hate windy days.
ga870221 -- Z - CRACK - I hate leg cramps.
ga870222 -- This kind of tired calls for coffee straight up. - - It's one of those mornings. - The kind of morning where you've been up for two minutes and it feels like two days. - If I can just make it to my coffee, I'll be all right. - It's in sight!
ga870222 -- Come on, Garfield! You can make it! - WHUMP! - Z So close, and yet so far.
ga870223 -- - - GOINK GOINK GOINK
ga870224 -- - MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH - PTOOEY
ga870225 -- Aw, poor doughnut, you look lonely. - You need a friend. - I have a lasagna I'd like you to meet.
ga870226 -- Can I have half of that doughnut, Garfield? - NO! GOOMP! -
ga870227 -- GARFIELD! - That's my last jelly filled doughnut! - CLAP SQUIP!
ga870228 -- What filing might you be? Jelly? Cream? - - You won't, perchance, know anything about spinach-filled doughnuts, would you?
ga870301 -- GRRROOWLL rrrr - Doughnuts! - MUNCH MUNCH CHOMP SMACK - More! I must have more! - MORE! - MOMMY! - POW - Garfield? Stop me! Stop me before I snack again!
ga870302 -- WOOF! - Back off, you dumb mutt, or I'll scratch your... - ankles off.
ga870303 -- - ARRRGH! - It was only a dream! It was only a dream! It was only a dream!
ga870304 -- Garfield, I just don't know what I see in you. It is a bit overwhelming, isn't it? - You're rude, obnoxious, fat, selfish, egotistical, and totally devoid of any charm. - I AM NOT EGOTISTICAL
ga870305 -- Arlene, I think it's time we get serious. You do? - Yes, serious about getting that gap between your teeth fixed. - The truth hurts.
ga870306 -- YAWN - ARRRRGH! -
ga870307 -- I love it when Jon loves a cake. - 'cause I get to lick the icing out of the bowl. - GARFIELD!! Of course, he'd prefer I wait till AFTER he's iced the cake.
ga870308 -- * - FFT! BANG! UGH! Rats! The washer's broken! - Com on, Garfield, we have to go to the laundromat. - NO, JON! PLEASE ANYWHERE BUT THERE. - You know what that place is like! Especially on weekends. - I'll get him for this.
ga870309 -- Garfield, you need more vegetables in your system. What are you going to do? Drive a carrot through my heart? - Here, have some spinach. OH-NO! - GASP! CHOKE! COUGH! Stop being melodramatic, Garfield.
ga870310 -- Eat your spinach, Garfield. - It's good for you. - Well, now that's more like it!
ga870311 -- Have some spinach, Garfield. - Sure, and let's garnish it with a big box of raisins. - ZIP! I HATE THEM TOO!
ga870312 -- Spinach. - It tastes bad. It looks bad. - SPLUT! It even sounds bad.
ga870313 -- Yuck! Spinach! - - Garfield! You ate all your spinach! Not really. It's in the saltshaker.
ga870314 -- I hate spinach. - It's green, it's slimy. - And it looks like it's moving.
ga870315 -- SMACK! You used all the hot water again. - La la laaah - * - - - - SLAM! - Isn't that disgusting? Just look at that, Reba! I'm looking! I'm looking!
ga870316 -- RRINNGG! - Hello? Iuh, I think you have the wrong number. - But...would you care to make it the right number, songbird? This is a lonely man here.
ga870317 -- So what's your name, sweet thing? I can't believe Jon! - How about a date? Trying to get a date with a wring number. - Tomorrow at seven? Great! A DESPARATE wrong number.
ga870318 -- Garfield, I'd like you to meet my date. - MOMMA MIA! - What's with your cat? He's, uh, terrified of daisies.
ga870319 -- Now, be nice to my date. She might be sensitive about her weight. How'd she get in here? Through the garage door? - Her name is Bertha. Figures. - She's a lovely person. You can't judge a book by it's cover, you know. And you can't judge a
ga870319 -- ship by its hull.
ga870320 -- Bertha, I'd like you to meet Garfield. - He could use some meat on his bones. - Affectionate sort, isn't he? He's a sucker for sweet talk.
ga870321 -- Think, Jon, think. There's gotta be SOMETHING nice to say to your date. - My, your teeth are round. I eat a lot. - You don't say! No! Really!
ga870322 -- Yes, sir. Table for five. - Z - - There it is! Just like I told you! Z - Hey, cat! What is the meaning of this trap? Wha...? - You realize this is a direct violation of our treaty agreement. Aw, gimme a break. - You know this means war! Look,
ga870322 -- nobody says you have to step on it. TO ARMS! TO ARMS! This should be cute. - I remember when I liked mice.
ga870323 -- Now don't make a bad impression on my date. Don't worry, Jon. I'll leave that up to you. - Ready for dinner, Bertha? - Is the sky blue? Do cats hate dogs?
ga870324 -- I think you're going to like this restaurant, Bertha. As long as they serve food. A woman after my own heart. - Would you like a table or a booth? A table, please. And the lady will have a booth. - What do you have to do to get any serive
ga870324 -- around here? You have to get to your table first. That's a stupid rule.
ga870325 -- And how would madame like her steak? - Just run the steer by the table and I'll grab off a hunk! - HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! Et tu, Garfield?
ga870326 -- Boy, I couldn't eat another bite. Would you like my... - SHOOP! - rrrr rrrr I guess we don't need a doggie bag.
ga870327 -- How was your meal, Bertha? GREAT! THANKS! SLAP! SPLUT! - Just be thankful she didn't hate it.
ga870328 -- It was nice meeting you, Bertha. I hope you had a good time. - OH, I had a wonderful time! mmmph! - How was your date? I think I made an impression on her.
ga870329 -- HA! HA! HA! HEE! HA! - - Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, naaaah * - * We're going for a walk, and you have to wear a dog coat. * - * We're gonna walk by some dogs, and they're gonna call you a nerd. * - * Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, naaaah * - Come on,
ga870329 -- Garfield, let's get ready for our walk. - Maybe lightning will strike me, and save me the humiliation.
ga870330 -- Garfield, meet the newest member of our family, Sweety Bird. - I just know you two are going to get along famously, right, Garfield? - Right, sure. Uh, would you happen to have a light for my cutting torch?
ga870331 -- Hello, I'm Sweety Bird. I sing sweet happy songs to brighten your morning. - BRIGHTEN MY MORNING?! DO YOU WANT TO BRIGHTEN MY MORNING?! - Then you can march out of that cage and crawl  between two slices of bread. JON!
ga870401 -- Garfield, do you like sweety bird? He's right up there with dogs and mondays. - You wouldn't intend him any harm, would you? I don't know what you're talking about. - Then why is he covered with clam sauce? An old family recipe.
ga870402 -- SQWAWK! - HONK! - Did we remember how to open the bird cage? Not only that, we forgot birds could fly.
ga870403 -- Hey, bird! You think you're safe out there, huh? - Well, I have a little treat for you! - Have you, perchance, ever heard a cat scream?
ga870404 -- Hey, Garfield! What are you doing out there? - And look! Sweety bird's on your head! - WHERE'S MY CAMERA? I loathe life.
ga870405 -- - - - - You know, Garfield, sharing is one of life's greates pleasures. - GULP! - I love giving people pleasure.
ga870406 -- Hurry, Garfield, the TV workout show is about to start! - You promised you''d try it. So let's go. Okay, but first answer me this... - Just how the heck am I supposed to move?
ga870407 -- GARFIELD! - YOU SHREDDED MY RUNNING SHOES! Someday you'll thank me for that, Jon. - Jogging's the disease. I'm the cure.
ga870408 -- Okay, stand up straight and put your hands on your hips. - Those of you too fat to find your hips, just give it your best guess. - I hate sarcastic fitness instructors.
ga870409 -- Now for jumping jacks on the two count. - ONE! CRASH! - Oh, by the way, before we get to two, don't try this exercise on a recently polished floor. NOW he tells me.
ga870410 -- That's good, everybody. Push up! - ...and down! - ...and up!... I was built for push-ups.
ga870411 -- No, seriously, Linda, I'm a fun guy. I do great impressions! - You do impressions too? Let's hear one. - Listen to this, Garfield, She sounds like a dial tone! This man has no brain.
ga870412 -- The lone gourmet strikes again. - TAP! TAP! - YAWN - You go out and play, Pooky. - ZIP! WHAT tHE...? - HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! I'M NAILED TO MY BED! - WHA?!! - I suppose this was for putting the lizard in your shoe? Now we're even.
ga870413 -- You're a slob, Garfield, Why can't you stay as clean as other cats? - You're supposed to wash yourself like this. Oh, very well. - Start with this arm and make it snappy. You have a lot of territory to cover.
ga870414 -- - - See anything you like?
ga870415 -- Do you know what I hate most about this bed? - UNNNGH! - Trying to sleep on my back.
ga870416 -- It's time to get up. - CREAK! CRACK! - It's also time to go on and diet.
ga870417 -- OH, NO! YOU CHEWED UP MY NEWSPAPER AGAIN! - Hey! This isn't the paper I get. It must belong to a neighbor. - KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! A 250 lb. neighbor, to be precise.
ga870418 -- Thin ice --> - SPLOOSH! - Hexy! THIS ice isn't thin! - Neither are you.
ga870419 -- I hate 3-D movies. - Here, Odie! Here, boy! - I'll throw the bone and you fetch it, okay, boy? Arf! - There it goes! - Odie just fell for the oldest trick in the book. - ZIP! WHUMP - Now what kind of dog would have a bone that big? - Oh, THAT
ga870419 -- kind of dog.
ga870420 -- This is a perfect day to stay in bed and contemplate life's truths. - Yip! Yip! BRINNNG! GET UP, GARFIELD! - Truths like: "mondays stink".
ga870421 -- Life has many good things to offer: music, art, literature... - Sometimes I think about educating myself on those subjects... - But then I tihnk, "stick with what you know".
ga870422 -- How did you get to be so lazy, Garfield? - Brains, hard work, tenacity and dedication. You're not just born lazy, you know. It's an acquired skill... - I'm sorry I asked. ...an art form if you will, not unlike poetry, dance or music.
ga870423 -- Here comes the mailman, Garfield. I want you to be on your best behavior. - ROWRR! - I must admit, that was one of my better behaviors.
ga870424 -- I ate too much. - I'll probably get another sermon from Jon. - Garfield, you eat too much. I was hoping you wouldn't notice.
ga870425 -- screeee And just what are you doing? - SWIPE! - Your turn. YOU GOTTA JUSTIFY EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?!
ga870426 -- Where did you find the brain, Nermal...at a garage sale?! - - Rats...bees. - - Buzz off, bees. This is my territory. Z?! - The old "big bee" routine works every time. - ZZZZZ - ZZZZZZ
ga870427 -- It was high noon when the stranger rode into town. - Now comes my favorite part... - He hitched up his horse and ambled into the saloon.
ga870428 -- I am hungry. - Therefore I am. - Rationalizing another bout with gluttony, Garfield. I don't discuss philosophy with pea brains.
ga870429 -- Now I lay me down to sleep... - Hold that thought... - I think I heard Garfield open the refrigerator door.
ga870430 -- JON! JON! WAKE UP! IT'S HORRIBLE! IT'S AWFUL! YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING! - WHA tIS IT, GARFIELD?! IS THE HOUSE ON FIRE?! IS THERE A BURGLAR?! WORSE!!! - I have hunger pangs!
ga870501 -- I love this feeling of power. - - Now I want to watch a cooking show! click
ga870502 -- Ah, I see Jon placed a pie on his windowsill to tempt me. - Well, let it be known I'm capable of resisting all temptations! - I just don't choose to.
ga870503 -- Ouch! Where did the mailman get chain mail socks? - All right! It's here! - Look, Garfield! It's the world's largest balloon! We'll see about that. - Uh...that's pretty big, Garfield, You ain't seen nothing yet. fuh! fuh! fuh! - Garfield?!
ga870503 -- fuh! fuh! fuh! fuh! fuh! - THAT'S ENOUGH, GARFIELD! fuh! fuh! fuh! Never! fuh! fuh! fuh! - Tie it off! Tie it off! It's either me or tihs balloon!
ga870504 -- Aha! So Jon's trying to sneak off on vacation without me, huh? - He'll have quite a surprise in store for him. - Who says nothing good ever happens on a monday?
ga870505 -- Laziness and procrastination go hand in hand. - See this hair? - It's cat hair I never got around to shedding last year.
ga870506 -- - Huh, the stereo's all the way up, and there's no sound. - I'd better tell Jon.
ga870507 -- You know, Garfield, they say inside every fat person there's a thin person trying to get out. - I know what you mean. - Mine escaped about nine years ago and I haven't seen him since.
ga870508 -- Hey, Garfield, the gang and I wanted to give you a gift of appreciation. How sweet! - Why the show of affection? We just like having you around. - Besides, if you left, Jon might get a REAL cat!
ga870509 -- How about a nice quiet breakfast for two, Garfield? Great idea! - SLAM! click - Sometimes Jon can be so thoughtful
ga870510 -- Come on, Odie. There's no reason to be afraid of the dark. - - Just look at this! Someone has left the cellar door open! - Jon has told me a hundred times to keep it closed. - Or somebody might get hurt. SLAM! - thump thump thump thump thump
ga870510 -- thump BONK! - Sorry about that, Jon.
ga870511 -- I'm hungry! Patience, Garfield. - It's time you learn a little patience. - Patience is waiting for the pizza to thaw.
ga870512 -- Look at that stomach, Garfield. That's disgusting! - I'm putting you on a diet. - Rat fink.
ga870513 -- Hello, diet. Goodbye, food. - ERRRK! - Hello, sugar withdrawal.
ga870514 -- Okay, Odie, I heard you dogs are supposed to be good at tracking things. Maybe you can help me... - Here's a picture of a lasagna. Now get it, Odie! Get it! - Grrrrrr!
ga870515 -- I've only been on this diet for two days and I feel thinner already. - - It must be a delayed reflection.
ga870516 -- Fat's a funny thing. You never lose it from the right places. - - Fat has a sick sense of humor.
ga870517 -- Stop being so melodramatic, Garfield, You've only been on your diet for ten minutes. - Z - Mmm, food! - I love food. - GARFIELD! YOUR EATING IS OUT OF CONTROL! - More food! - More trainloads of food! Air-drop food into my mouth! More cattle!
ga870517 -- Hurry! I'm hungry! - Ahhh! Dessert! - POOF! - The only good thing about a diet is the great dreams.
ga870518 -- Boy, I wish I had a fifty pound pan of lasagna. - KRONG!!! - Now wouldn't you think I'd know better than to make a wish like that on a monday.
ga870519 -- There are many ways to make a diet more appealing. - Some say it helps to dress your food up. - I say it still looks like celery.
ga870520 -- I hate diets. - They're morally wrong. - A stomach is a terrible thing to waste.
ga870521 -- OH, GARFIELD! - You've done so well on your diet I'm giving you a treat. - OH MY GOSH! I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO EAT!
ga870522 -- Let me put it this way...have you ever considered a career as a river barge? - Your mother was a blender. - That hurt.
ga870523 -- Come on, take a chance, weigh yourself! I'll be kind! Trust me! - BOY! ARE YOU FAT! - Not to mention gullible, too.
ga870524 -- How about some fine cuisine en boite this evening, my dear? That's French for "food in a can". - KNOCK KNOCK - Good evening, Lori, my dear. Our dinner awaits. - Your steak, madam. pant pant pant - ODIE! GET OUT OF HERE! - rrrrr GIMME THAT! -
ga870524 -- LET GO! LET GO! LET GO! - AYIIIIEEEEE!!! What's with her? Pet hater.
ga870525 -- Guess what I got at a garage sale today, Garfield? You got my attention. - Tah-dah! - Isn't it great? That diet must've been murder, huh, fella?
ga870526 -- I can't believe Jon actually bought that thing. What good is it it? - - MA! COME QUICK! THE COW'S SICK!
ga870527 -- Hey, mom, guess what I got at a garage sale? - I bought one of those cow skulls like you see in the old westerns. Behind you, Jon! - Hang on, mom, I think I'm about to scream or something.
ga870528 -- Garfield, did you know everything evolves from a lower life form? I didn't know that? - Why, of course! It all makes sense now! - Rocks evolved from dogs!
ga870529 -- GARFIELD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! - I'm unraveling your dental floss. - I HATE THAT! Oh, very well, Tomorrow we'll do something you like.
ga870530 -- Here you go, Garfield! - CRUNCH! - It doesn't have much of a sense of humor, does it?
ga870531 -- - - * - - - -
ga870601 -- Z - ZZZ-ZZF-ZZZ-ZZ - Must be monday ZZZ-ZZF-ZZZ-ZZF-ZZZ-
ga870602 -- You know, Garfield... - I wouldn't say you're fat, but... - Then don't.
ga870603 -- I bought you a surprise today, Garfield! - It's a sweater made especially for you! Wide Load -
ga870604 -- YAWN - - I think the old blanket is due for a wash.
ga870605 -- We cats love to roam around in the dark. - Our keen eyesight allows us to see perfectly in the blackest of... - click I think I'll curl up and die now.
ga870606 -- Here's something a little different for dinner tonight, Garfield. - I'm putting you on a high-fiber diet. -
ga870607 -- Let me guess. There's another spider in the house. - - ARRRRGH! - GARFIELD! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE NEAR THE DOOR?! - I'M SICK OF TRIPPING OVER YOU! All right! All right! - Why does this always happen to me? - ARRRRGH! - HOW
ga870607 -- MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM?! I can't win.
ga870608 -- Normally, I hate alarm clocks. - But this one I like. - It's broken.
ga870609 -- - WOOAAH! trip - GARFIELD! Watch where you're going! - Why don't YOU watch where I'm going?
ga870610 -- A spider! - YIPE! - Whew!
ga870611 -- Oh, Jon, may I borrow your book for just a moment? - WHAP! - Thank you so much. Anytime.
ga870612 -- Tell me, Garfield. - If nature is goverend by survival of the fittest... - HOW COME YOU'RE STILL AROUND?! I stay out of drafts.
ga870613 -- Z You're pathetic, Garfield. - What am I going to do with you? - Well, for starters, you could occasionally wake me and remind me to swallow. Help me.
ga870614 -- CRUNCH - YAWN - Z - Z Z - Z PUNT! - Z - Yawn. I had the most wonderful dream last night. - WHUMP!
ga870615 -- Yawn-well let's see what kind of day today is... - CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK - It's a nine cricker.
ga870616 -- - I could look like this if I wanted to. - But, I don't have enough hands.
ga870617 -- Hey, Garfield, you're going to be nine years old this friday. Thanks for reminding me. - As cats go, you're approaching the golden years. - The heck with the golden years. I'm five and holding.
ga870618 -- What's the matter, Garfield? Feeling your years now that you're turning nine? - Come closer, my son. I'm having trouble hearing you. - SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
ga870619 -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GARFIELD!! That sure is a lot of candles. - Oh well, I should be happy to have a birthday, I guess. fffff - As opposed to the alternative.
ga870620 -- Yup. - I'm nine years old all right. - According to the rings under my eyes.
ga870621 -- I hate it when Odie plays by my rules. - Sigh...time to wake up and go to bed. - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - - - YAWN - It must have been something I ate.
ga870622 -- - POOMP! - BLAT! SQUIRT!
ga870623 -- - YEEEOW! I'm hungry. SWIPE - THAt HURT!! I'll say...I think I broke a nail.
ga870624 -- There you go, Garfield. Eat heartly! - Dry cat food and hose water. - Be still, my beating taste hurts.
ga870625 -- Garfield, we're out of cat food. How about dog food instead? - Let me put it this way, it's either dog food or nothing. - Arf. I'll get it.
ga870626 -- Look, Garfield, I don't care if you think it tastes awful. You'd better eat that because you're not getting anything else! - SPLUT! - Hmmm...he's right. It DOES taste pretty awful.
ga870627 -- Do you know how to get a finicky cat to heat his cat food? - Pretend you're going to take it away from him. - It works every time.
ga870628 -- You're going on a diet, Jon! NO! NO! - Z - Z - Z - SNORT. WHA?!! - GARFIELD, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP! WHAT DO YOU WANT? - What every other cat in the world wants from its owner at 3:00 A.M. - My teddy bear!
ga870629 -- FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP - Just as I thought, june 29, 1987. - "The World's Longest Monday".
ga870630 -- Garfield! You fixed my funny glasses! Yup. - How did you do it? I used glue. - HEY! THEY'RE STUCK TO MY FACE! Gee, Jon, I guess this means I'll never be able to take you seriously again.
ga870701 -- I'd like to buy some glue solvent. Is this a holdup? - No, you see, my cat glued these glasses to my face. Your cat? - Sounds silly, huh? Not at all...hello, police?
ga870702 -- FLEA SPRAY TO THE RESCUE! - SSSSSSS - Oops, this is my deodorant. Great, I'd hate to think I was offending them.
ga870703 -- Look Garfield, I bought you a rubber mouse. What's that for? - You can chase it, toss it in the air, stalk it and pounce on it. Yes? - Oh, forget it. Maybe it plays music or something.
ga870704 -- RAOW! RAOW! RAOW! You know, I wonder what a dog would do with a cat if it ever caught one? - SCREEEE Okay, mutt! You caught me! Now what are you going to do with me?! - Next time I lead, all right?
ga870705 -- No Soliciting Attack Cat On Duty - - Okay, Odie, now for a lesson in home plumbing. - All the water lines in this house are connected. - Thusly, if I turn the hot water on here, there will no longer be hot water in Jon's shower. - Observer. -
ga870705 -- YEOWWW! - GET OFF THAT SINK! Ain't science great?
ga870706 -- GULP MUNCH GOBBLE SMACK GLUB SLURP SNARF - BURP - And people say dinner conversation is a lost art.
ga870707 -- Hey, gang, the cat's away! - * ** - That oughta make'm paranoid.
ga870708 -- I'm depressed, Garfield, Hang on. I have just the thing. - This should cheer you up. - And, of course, misery loves company.
ga870709 -- Pizza is friendy and bananas are funny. - Peaches love to be squeezed and peas occasionally pop in. - I love food with personality.
ga870710 -- Hehwo, widdle puddy tat! - Is'm widdle puddy tat a nicey wicey puddy tat? - Excuse me while nicey wicey puddy tat takes a barfy warfy in the grassy wassy.
ga870711 -- Bye-bye, puddy tat. - The next person to talk baby talk to me gets his clock cleaned. - Why, hehwo widdle puddy tat!
ga870712 -- Odie washes and I dry. - Sigh. - - - PANT PANT PANT SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH PANT -
ga870713 -- Remember to look both ways before crossing the street, Odie. - SCREEE - The point, of course, being to see if there are any cars coming.
ga870714 -- Are you ready for the opera, Steven? - click - Why did you change the program? La-la-laaah. It wasn't insulting to my intelligence any more.
ga870715 -- * - ROWR! - Garfield's sick this morning, he asked me to fill in for him.
ga870716 -- LEAVE THAT FERN ALONE! DO YOU HEAR ME?! - Good heavens, you really ARE listening to me. Could it be you're starting to respect me? - Let's see you make that little thing that hangs down in the back of your throat dance around again!
ga870717 -- I saw this science fiction movie last night about vegetables who imitated other life-forms. - I turned it off... - I watch TV to escape.
ga870718 -- Hey, Garfield. Wanna go running this morning? You've got to be kidding. - Hard breathing can cause brain damage. - pant pant pant I rest my case.
ga870719 -- - This could be any refrigerator, maybe yours. - Deep within the frozen wastes it lurks. - Ancient mayonnaise, fossilized cabbage, slowly mutating over untold eons, gradually achieving consciousness... - Until that terrible day when it is
ga870719 -- unleashed upon an unsuspecting world. - THE COLESAW THAT TIME FORGOT! AYIEEE! - Cute, Garfield. Now finish cleaning out the refrigerator. Quiet, fool! You'll awaken the sleeping spuds from the planet fungus.
ga870720 -- Ah, a nice sumptuous meal all alone... - And Garfield nowhere in sight. - And that worries me.
ga870721 -- I'm going to let you decide what to do today, Pooky... - poomp - Not much for talk, but, what an idea man!
ga870722 -- You'd lose some weight if you'd exercise, Garfield. - - Maybe if I breathed a little deeper.
ga870723 -- I'm bored...I hate boredom. - Hurry, Garfield! A quilting bee special is comoing on the television! - And then some people revel in it.
ga870724 -- Cats can stop in an instant. - - Provided that instant isn't on a throw rug.
ga870725 -- I can understand why you watch TV to escape, Garfield, You have so mucht to escape... - The 12 hour naps, the free room and board, the nonstop snacking. - The srcasm, Jon. You forgot the endless sarcasm.
ga870726 -- My zest for life must be a quart low. - Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and his trained dog will now perform for you. - Do a back flip, Odie. - Beg, Odie. - Roll over, Odie. - GARFIELD! DINNER! - Burp, boy, great dinner. - Now where's Odie?
ga870727 -- Let's go fishing, Garfield. - Well, what do you think? I think you're right. - Fish paralyzed by hysterical fits of laughter probably ARE easier to catch.
ga870728 -- Got my equipment, got my flies. Let's go fishing! - Hang on, Garfield! - My body is hooked to the drapes. - This is going to be a long day.
ga870729 -- Poor little worms, waiting to be skewered on Jon's hook and then fed to some vicious fish. Well it's not right! - YOU'RE FREE! YOU'RE FREE! - Swimming must not be one of their strong suits.
ga870730 -- Remember, Garfield, the key to fishing is patience., the ability to remain motionless for hours. - Garfield? Z That's my boy.
ga870731 -- Well, Garfield, what do you think of fishing so far? - I like it? - Where else can you take a three-hor nap and call it sport?
ga870801 -- Catch anything, boys? - Yeah, but we threw 'em back. - They were in danger of being eaten by the bait.
ga870802 -- - Hello, plants. Oh no! Shoo! Scat! - Well, let's see what's on the menu today. Mrs Brown! There's a cat out here! - I think I'll start with a salad. NOOO! RUN, HAROLD! RUN! - GLOMP HAROOLD! WE GOT HAROLD! - burp Oh, Ralph! What will we do?!
ga870802 -- Stay calm, Tammy. I'll jump of the sill and run for help! - Now for dessert. Hurry, Ralph! Hurry! I think I broke something!
ga870803 -- Let's go for a walk, Garfield. It's good exercise. - Even a short walk is better than no walk at all. You're right. - Start with the kitchen and back.
ga870804 -- I am an artist. - SCHOONK! - I eat what I see.
ga870805 -- tap tap tap - Well, well, well, and just how did you get in there? - Would you believe hours and hours of careful planning?
ga870806 -- Get up, Garfield, Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know. - You're quite right, Jon. I couldn't agree with you more. - Now, be a good boy and bring it back at noon.
ga870807 -- You know, Garfield, life is like a bowl of cherries. - - Let down your guard, and I'll get you. You're going to pay for this one.
ga870808 -- Hey, Garfield, they're developing computers with artificial intelligence. Big deal. - - I'll be impressed when they invent artificial cunning.
ga870809 -- CLICK! - - CLICK! - FLIP NNNNNG - UNNNGH WHAP! - SHOOP! FLOP! - SNAP! WHIP! BAP! - No wonder. This is the garage door opener.
ga870810 -- Ahhh! Coffee. NO! NO! DON'T DRINK IT, JON! - SHOOP! ARRRGH! IT'S TOO LATE. - Z THAT COFFEE WAS DECAFFEINATED, YOU FOOL!
ga870811 -- - - What does one have to do to get one's belly scratched around here?
ga870812 -- There's only one way to get rid of a free-floating guilt complex. - Do something to deserve it.
ga870813 -- We humans are lucky, Garfield. We can sing and play instruments. - You cat have no way of showing your appreciation for music. Oh, but I do. - I sold your piano.
ga870814 -- Have the last cookie, Garfield. I really couldn't. You take it. - Okay. - You twit! Don't you know insincere sincerity when you hear it?
ga870815 -- Uh-oh, it looks as though Mr. Cliche is about to unburden himself of another stale platitude. - "He who fills his pockets with the rocks of misdeeds will surely sink in the river of good fortune". - That boy wasn't born, he was found in a
ga870815 -- fortune cookie.
ga870816 -- - Is this seat taken? Not at all. - Wow! That's a big cat! He didn't look that big from the front of the bus 'cause things look smaller from far away. - You, if he had a mane he'd look like a lion, but, then they'd make him get off at the
ga870816 -- zoo, I suppose! - Zoos make me nervous. I'm never sure which side of the bars I'm on. I wonder if the animals feel that way too? - Well, I gotta change seats. You guys talk too much. I can't hear myself think. - You sure meet some characters
ga870816 -- on the bus. Watch what you say! Uranus has spies everywhere!
ga870817 -- - -
ga870818 -- I had an uncle who used to play with yarn... - He's now a pattern in an angora sweater. - You're just saying that to ruin my fun, aren't you? Can you afford to take a chance?
ga870819 -- You've got a pretty good thing going here, don't you? Yup. - Jon feeds me, strokes me, changes my kitty litter and caters to my whims. So what does HE get out of it? - He gets to call himself "Master".
ga870820 -- With each new day, a cat's curiosity must be satisfied anew. - KICK - Yup, the law of gravity is still in effect.
ga870821 -- Dear Hair Ball Cat Food Co., I find your cat food gives my cat a "long silky coat of hair" as advertised... - However, I think you should add a disclaimer. - "Do not feed your cat more than 36 cans a day."
ga870822 -- You're wasting your life away, Garfield. You should be out there...uh... - Out there doing whatever it is cats do. - That's what I like about being a cat. Our standards are low.
ga870823 -- Up next, "Pasta Parade," followed by "World of Waffles". I love this all-food channel. - I ask you...what more to life could there possibly be? - Decisions, decisions... - Should I eat first and then sleep or sleep first and then eat? -
ga870823 -- Hmmm...I usually eat first. Maybe I should sleep first for a change of pace. - On the other hand, if I sleep first, Odie might eat my food before I wake up. - * - Z
ga870824 -- Stupid pet door! - UI thought Jon fixed it! - Unnngh!
ga870825 -- Jon, remember when you thought it was a great idea to put the pet door in? - And how Odir and I could come and go as we pleased? - You goofed again.
ga870826 -- About your weight, Garfield. - You're getting a bit large for your pet door. - Do tell.
ga870827 -- PURRR - How nice! Are you rubbing against my neck to tell me how much you love me? - Or to tell me, if I don't feed you'll rip off my face? Bingo!
ga870828 -- ...and I was wondering if you'd go out with me tonight? - You say you'd rather go out with camel spittle? Zap her back! Zap her back! - "But what if your brother already has plans?" That's what I should have said! Ol' Lighning Wit strikes
ga870828 -- again.
ga870829 -- WHIRRRRRRR - WHIRRRRRR - WHIRRRRRR I love driving Odie up the wall.
ga870830 -- - - - - YANK WHIRRRR - WHIRRRR - -
ga870831 -- There's one thing I can count on from Garfield. - Nice drapes, Arbuckle. It would be a shame if someone else slashed 'em into party streamers. - Protection.
ga870901 -- I wonder how Garfield would handle an emergency? Z - FIRE! - I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
ga870902 -- Hurry, Garfield! Get to the car! - Quick! Lock the doors! Roll up the windows! - They'rfe probably watching the house right now. We'll have to move out of state! He used an expired coupon.
ga870903 -- Ah, it's so nice to own a cat. - Own? Nobody OWNS a cat. - But you may think of me as a longterm loan.
ga870904 -- Leave that station on, Garfield. It's "Hamlet". - To be or not to be. CLICK! - Hey! What are you doing?! Solving an existential dilemma with modern technology.
ga870905 -- I feel like letting my better nature show through today. - PUNT! - My worse nature is not a pretty sight.
ga870906 -- Why is it the phone only rings when I'm in the bath? Relax, one call a week isn't that bad. - BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP - That's right, Beverly, I will not go out with you tonight. - Yes, I know you're madly in love with me, but I have better
ga870906 -- things to do. - Now, now, Beverly, you know I hate it when you grovel and stop sobbing uncontrollably. - - At the sound of the tone the time will be 10:00 A.M. - BEEP Oh, shut up. You monster, how dare you break that computer's heart?
ga870907 -- Ah-ah-AH - CHOO - Bless you.
ga870908 -- Let's hear it for sleep! - Gimme a "Z"! - Z
ga870909 -- Just look at the smile on Garfield's face. Z - He must be having a great dream. Z - Z Z
ga870910 -- P-thb-thb-thb-thb! - PTHB THB -
ga870911 -- Look, Odie! I can touch my nose with my tongue! - Can you do that? -
ga870912 -- Sleep is wonderful. - What would people be without sleep? - Real tired, probably.
ga870913 -- Jon, is this one of those cult films? - One, two! One, two! One, two! - Hey, Garfield, I've noticed you're pretty out of shape. Nonsense, I watch 30 minutes of Aerobics a day. - So I bought you these jogging shoes! I hope you kept the
ga870913 -- receipt. - See? These shoes are built to absorb shocks. - WHACK! - He's right, I barely felt that. - The shoes, where are they? Last I saw 'em, they were jogging to the garbage disposal.
ga870914 -- - -
ga870915 -- Surprise, Garfield! Won't this be fun to play in? - Take it back. - There's no elevator.
ga870916 -- Odie is very special. - He was bred to be a working dog. - Specifically, a paperweight or a doorstop.
ga870917 -- Garfield, you've lost weight! - I don't believe it! -
ga870918 -- Garfield, you eat too much junk food. Eat something good for you. - - Zap...you're a carrot stick.
ga870919 -- Great chefs know it's the appearance of food that counts. - GUP! - But, great eaters know it's the amount of food that counts.
ga870920 -- No, please don't do it. In the name of humanity!! - - - - WHUMP! - Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw! - ZIP! - WHUMP! - Haw! Haw! Haw! - Reba! Come here and look at this, but you'd better cinch up your corset first!
ga870921 -- - Are you ever seriuos, Garfield? I guess not. - It's hard to be serious when you're naked!
ga870922 -- YAWN - Yawn...boredom is contagious. - - OH, NO! SO'S STUPIDITY.
ga870923 -- Send To: ACME Lasagna Factory - - Not enough postage, Garfield. Rats.
ga870924 -- Get ready to have some major youcks, you guys. - SMILE MOUTHS! - Hee hee! I'll keep him laughing while you get the authorities.
ga870925 -- Garfield, what's the matter? - JON! YOU GOTTA CLEAN OUT THE REFRIGERATOR! - Whatever it is, it can't be that bad, old buddy. The tuna is spawning in the tomato soup!
ga870926 -- Watching the paint dry, Garfield? - I hope he doesn't think that my life is so totally devoid of excitement that I am reduced to that. - I'm waiting for it to peel.
ga870927 -- - A hungry vulture perches above his prey, silently, patiently, waiting for his meal to draw its last breath. - CLICK - - CLICK STOP THAT! YOU KNOW I HATE THAT! - NO MORE VULTURES! No more vultures. - Z A voracious alligator stealthily glides
ga870927 -- toward the fingers of an unwary river traveller.
ga870928 -- Nothing is showing up on the computer radar so I'll put a nice "Mr. Sunshine" right here. - But, satellite photos show an approaching low-pressure area, so I'll put mean ol' "Mr. Thunderstorm" and his lighning bolt right here. - LOOK OUT, MR.
ga870928 -- SUNSHINE! BOOM! KABOOM! BLAM! Millions in state-of-the-art electronic equipment to gather data, and we get baby talk.
ga870929 -- Let's check the weather. - Hmmm. Looks like a good day to stay in in bed. - Mostly boring this morning with a 50% chance of intermittent depression this afternoon.
ga870930 -- Depression is waking up with the uneasy feeling the world is out to get you. - ZOW - And finding out you're right.
ga871001 -- Being depressed is bad enough. Now Jon will probably try to cheer me up with stupid platitudes. - You're depressing, Garfield. And you're fat and lazy too. - Then again, even stupid platitudes have their good points.
ga871002 -- Cheep up, Garfield. Just remember that life is just a game. - It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play that counts. - So, what are you going to do today? Forfeit.
ga871003 -- I hate those little insert cards. - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - Just as I suspected.
ga871004 -- Can we be of assistance? * - That stupid dog next door is in for a BIG surprise. - When he comes by, he will mistake the mirror for me. - Then he will attack and fall into this pit. - Then this net will fall on him. - Then this cement mixer
ga871004 -- will tip, sealing that sucker up for about ten million years. - WAIT! WAIT! GO BACK AND COME IN AGAIN!
ga871005 -- Do you always insult the people you weigh? Yes. It's a defense mechanism. - Insults compensate for my own depressions, my insecurities, my loathing for this job and my lot in life. - I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks, blubber bottom.
ga871006 -- - -
ga871007 -- Can we take a 50-mile hike today, Jon? - Huh? Can we? Can we? Can we? boing boing - You're drinking too much coffee, Garfield. Or a swim. What if we swim to Tahiti?
ga871008 -- RATS! I GIVE UP! - I'm just no good with plants. - And these were the plastic ones.
ga871009 -- I told the woman at the flower shop I was tired of you eating my plants. - She said you wouldn't harm this one. - But, I doubt it.
ga871010 -- How much do I weigh today, RX-2? - You weigh somewhere between seven and thirty-two pounds. - I have learned it is wise to give my customers a wide selection.
ga871011 -- Like the sandwich I made for you, Odie? - Hey, Garfield! Come out here! - Watch me blow this bubble. You're going to get a bang out of it. - FUH-FUH-FUH-FUH - BANG - You're right. That was fun. - HERE! YOU CHEW THE GUM THIS TIME! - That's it,
ga871011 -- fella. Blow it big. fuh-fuh - BANG - It's all in the lips.
ga871012 -- Hmm, my horoscope says I'm going to be visited by an old acquaintance today. - SPLUT - Uncanny.
ga871013 -- Ha! Missed me! - SPLUT! - Whoaa...boomerang spluts.
ga871014 -- - - SPLUT!
ga871015 -- SPLUT - CLANK! - They must be running out of ammo!
ga871016 -- Gourmands know their utensils. This is the table-spoon, the teaspoon, the soupspoon, the sugar spoon. - And my personal favorite... - Theplay spoon! toing SPLUT!
ga871017 -- Garfoield, why do you always spit the cherry pits out onto the table? - - I like a little floor show after dinner.
ga871018 -- One of these days, Arlene! One of these days...POW! To the moon! - - OH-NO! SOMEONE ATE MY DINNER! - AHA! FAT MICE! - You guys wouldn't know what happened to my dinner, would you? Oh, sure! Blame us. - It's always the mice's fault, right men?
ga871018 -- Not even a fair trial. - TYRANT! All right! I'm sorry I mentioned it. - Well I should hope so! Yeah! And next time ease up on the taco sauce! I hope they explode.
ga871019 -- YAWN Ahh...there's nothing like a good nap. - - With the possible exception of TWO good naps.
ga871020 -- The coffee's strong today. - SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP - Not only strong, but mean!
ga871021 -- Food! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways... - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... - Aren't you going to eat, Garfield? 5,743, 5,744...
ga871022 -- Z - GARFIELD! - Fall asleep in your food again? Don't ask stupid questions. Just ge the chisel.
ga871023 -- - - Sigh.
ga871024 -- In the morning, there's nothing more I enjoy than a good cup of coffee. - - As I was saying...
ga871025 -- That's not what I meant by "drop anchor", little buddy. - First things first, let's talk about me. - You see, Renee, I'm a pretty mature, suave kinda guy. - Are these yours? - Heh, het. Well...uh. They have teddy bears all over them. - What's
ga871025 -- this? A certificate of achievement from "Thumb Suckers Anonymous". - GARFIELD? - Bunny slippers?
ga871026 -- This honey has lots of options like windshield wipers and a horn. - You mean things like windshield wipers and a horn are options? - No offense, pal, but in your price range, the TIRES are optional.
ga871027 -- This car's a real steal at $ 1,900. - It has twice the luggage space of any other car in its class. - Where's the back seat? Oh, no! I'll notify the authorities.
ga871028 -- Don't go away, folks, I'll be right back. - Honest Ed seems nice enough, Garfield, but there's something about him I don't trust. - Maybe it's the fact his office is in a pickup truck with the engine running.
ga871029 -- Nice doin' business with you. And, remember, at Honest Ed's, we stand beside every car we sell. - Don't you mean you stand "behind" every car you sell? - Not with the mechanics I've got working for me! VAROOM! CRASH
ga871030 -- Cute, Garfield, Tell me the future. - You are about to become upset with your cat. - Hey, wait a minute! Where's my goldfish? It was (burp) here a minute ago.
ga871031 -- grrr yip CUT IT OUT, YOU TWO! - IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUT THERE! DOESN'T THAT GIVE YOU ANY IDEAS? - ffft! bark! yip!
ga871101 -- Honestly, Garfield, I forgot that it was decaffeinated. rrrrr - - KNEAD KNEAD KNEAD - Z Z - Oh, no!! My guilt! - Oh, well,,,I suppose I shouldn't yeall at him... - He's just doing what comes naturally for a ca- - - GARFIELD!
ga871102 -- Is that today's mail, Garfield? Yo. - Here are your personal letters, bills and catalogs. - And "Instant Millionaire" giveaways.
ga871103 -- You're lazy, Garfield. You just don't understand, do you, Jon? - In the grand scheme of things, each of us has our little niche to fill. - Through with our rationalization, are we? It's my niche time.
ga871104 -- Mornin' hon. The usual? You got it, Irma. - - Say, hon. What IS the usual? I was hoping you'd know. These people are in desperate trouble.
ga871105 -- Try this new health food for cats, Garfield. It has extra fiber. - BLUT - Just as I suspected.
ga871106 -- Wake up, Garfield. I can't move. My battery is dead. - - Sniff...hang on! I think I smell a jump start coming my way!
ga871107 -- Hey, Garfield, I looked up the word "lazy" in the dictionary and they had your picture by it. - That's a lie. - I slept through the appointment for the photo session.
ga871108 -- You awake yet? - The wild house cat spies his unsuspecting prey. - Potato chips! - Why do they make these bags so hard to open? - EERRRGGHH - NNGGNNFF SQUEEZE - KA-BLAM! - GARFIELD! WHAT HAPPENED? They oughta put warnings on those bags!
ga871109 -- Cats have just surpassed dogs as the country's favorite pets! - - Somehow the victory would have been more satisfying had the competition been stiffer.
ga871110 -- Sometimes I think I'm slowing down. - GARFIELD! DINNER! CHOOM! - But, there's still a little life left in the ol' afterburners.
ga871111 -- Garfield, you're never going to lose weight eating between the meals. There's only one thing to do. - Do you know the meaning of "willpower"? - I don't know the meaning of "between meals".
ga871112 -- Look, Odie, Jon's sleeping. Z - Mybe we should be quiet and let him rest. Z - Or we can shave his head. Z
ga871113 -- Hey, Garfield, I have a new cat food for you. - Come on, give it a try. It's not that bad. I don't know, Jon. - Something tells me it isn't that good.
ga871114 -- Life is filled with opportunities. - shake shake shake shake - PSSSSH! If you know where to look for them.
ga871115 -- Let's just say, talking during the movie is a pet peeve of mine. - Z - Garfield, you must be the slowest, laziest thing on the face of the earth. On the contrary. - I'm not slow at everything I do. - I'm the fastest eater I know. GOOSH! - I
ga871115 -- can fall asleep in an instant.... PLOP - SLURP! - BOMP! - And I have a lighning quick temper.
ga871116 -- I've really got to stop this overeating. - - How about that? I didn't think I could do it.
ga871117 -- DINNER IS... - WHOMP! - snerved.
ga871118 -- What's the matter, Garfield? Don't you feel good? That's an understatement. - Do you think it was something you ate? No... - WHANG!! It was something YOU fed me!
ga871119 -- It says this cat food is "fit for a king". - - The "king's" food taster.
ga871120 -- I, the Caped Avenger, shall seek out injustice wherever it may lurk... - And with one swift motion of my mighty hand, I will go... - Naughty, naughty, naughty!
ga871121 -- What's that number on your back for, Garfield? - It's mandatory attire for my new hobby. - Marathon sleeping.
ga871122 -- Oops! I think I've made a tiny mistake! - CRASH! - Boy, am I in a rotten mood. - Out of my way, brie breath! PUNT! - Hey, you! You can't do that or I'll tell my sister, Loretta! Loreatta? - She'll pound you flat! Bring her on. A good fight
ga871122 -- might cheer me up. - Hey, Loretty! Aaaarrrgh.
ga871123 -- YAWN ** - splash splash * - You know it's monday when you wake up and find six crickets doing a water ballet in your bowl. ***
ga871124 -- munch munch munch - Don't you think you've eaten enough watermelon, Garfield? Why, no. - Why do you ask? ptoo!
ga871125 -- - -
ga871126 -- kick! - I'm sorry Garfield. I didn't see you sitting... - there.
ga871127 -- Z - - N
ga871128 -- Garfield, why are you so vain? - - In my case, modesty would be unseemly in a cat of such breeding. Where did I go wrong?
ga871129 -- Odie's never around when I need a fall guy. - Hmmm. - Hey, Jon, look what I can do with this grape. - poo! - GUNK! Oh, yeah? Watch this! - I'm not impressed. - WATCH THIS! OH YEAH? WATCH THIS! - Veterinary clinic What the... Don't ask.
ga871130 -- Garfield, you've been drinking too much coffee lately. There's no such thing as too much coffee. - I'm worried about you. Okay, okay! I'll cut down! - Just give me half a cup.
ga871201 -- - - Now, THAT'S good coffee!
ga871202 -- - Too much coffee, Garfield? - yupyupyup
ga871203 -- I made my world famous coffee this morning, Garfield. - Come on...it's not that bad! Have some! Oh, all right. - But just a small slice.
ga871204 -- Sorry, Garfield, but we're out of coffee this morning. I noticed. - I guess we'll just have to go without. That's what YOU think. - What are you doing? Sucking on a used coffee filter.
ga871205 -- MEOWYRRRRR - MEOWYRR...MEOWYRRR GARFIELD! What are you doing?!! - My agent couldn't get me a booking on the fence. tap tap tap
ga871206 -- I feel awful, but I don't think it could be anything that I ate. - - Hee, hee, hee. - Hey, Garfield, remember thet time I was drinking root beer and you made that funny face. - And I snorted the root beer right out my nose? - And I got all
ga871206 -- the way up into my sinuses. - It was like it was fizzing right inside my brain! You've just made history, Jon. - Hee, hee, hee. I can't finish my meal.
ga871207 -- Whoops! The ol' claw's hooked a carpet thread. - UNNNGGGHHH!!! - ...a LONG carpet thread.
ga871208 -- Food is a dichotomy. - Fat people hate to love it. - And skinny people love to hate it.
ga871209 -- Thare's nothing worse than being bored. - Hey, there, Mr. Droopy face. Let me entertain you! - Hotcha! Hotcha! I take that back.
ga871210 -- Cats are poetry in motion. - trip SPLAT! - Dogs are gibberish in neutral.
ga871211 -- Ho-boy, I ate too much again. - WAH-HA-HA-HA! - Oh, Garfield, you're a riot!
ga871212 -- Who's the sexiest cat you know, Arlene? Hmmm... - Let's see... - One thing about Arlene, she doesn't make snap judgments. Hmmm.
ga871213 -- Championship wrestlers and I have one training ritual in common, power eating. - - SLURP - - screee - - screee SLAM! Odie? - Odie? - SLURP
ga871214 -- Here's a story about a cat who travelled 200 miles to find his owner. - Can you imagine YOU doing that, Garfield? - HA! HA! HA! I would send a postcard.
ga871215 -- It says here that many artists starve themselves in the service of their craft. - GLUCK - A starving glutton...I like that.
ga871216 -- Sigh...a cat's work is never done. - What are you doing, Garfield? PLOP! - A cat's work.
ga871217 -- SLAM! - In case you're wondering where I've been and what I've bought, that's none of your business. - I love the Christmas season.
ga871218 -- OUCH! pshhh - Hey, this isn't shaving cream! - And this isn't tree flocking.
ga871219 -- I swear, Garfield. - You get more excited about Christmas than any child I know! - I DO NOT!
ga871220 -- Are you sure this is all you want for Christmas, Garfield?! - - - - This is a decoration, not a snack, comprendo? - * - -
ga871221 -- The one thing I hate about the Christmas season is addressing all these cards. - I believe I have a way to cut your work in half. - Address this one to dad AND mom.
ga871222 -- Uh- - -oh... - AAAARRRGGHHH!!! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP!
ga871223 -- Garfield, I know you're excited about Christmas. - And I know it's only natural to be curious about what's inside your presents. - BUT PUT THAT METAL DETECTOR AWAY!
ga871224 -- I'd better be careful with my gift. It might be a fine bone china food dish. - Oh. - This one's for Odie. CRASH!
ga871225 -- Well, boys, that was a wonderful Christmas. It's not over yet. - For me?! How sweet?! - A hairball? I made it myself.
ga871226 -- Christmas can't be over yet! I can't have unwrapped all my presents already!! - I gotta unwrap something else!! - More! More!
ga871227 -- I wonder what that is? - Up and at 'em, boys! It's a bright new day! - Let's plan the day, boys. Here we go again. - First item of business: the Christmas tree. Let's leave it up a while longer. - Translation! "Let's leave the tree there till
ga871227 -- the needles fall off and mom takes it out for me in July". - Next item: let's go to a museum or something intellectually stimulating right after lunch. - Translation: "Let's eat too much and fall asleep on the couch watching television". - Z
ga871227 -- Z Z I admire a man of decision.
ga871228 -- HAAAACK! - poing - Boy, talk about your hairballs!...
ga871229 -- This year I pledge to lose weight and get in shape! - No, no, be realistic, Garfield, That's a bit much to bite off. Perhaps I should set a bit more realistic goal. - I pledge to establish contact with aliens from another planet!
ga871230 -- Well. it's time to take stock of the year. - Let's see...I ate and slept and accomplished not one single thing of socially redeeming value. - I'm so proud of me.
ga871231 -- Let's see. This year I've eaten 2,190 snacks and taken 1,822 naps. - Oh, no! According to my figures I missed a nap in april and two in july! - Uh...Garfield? QUIET, MAN! I HAVE SOME SERIOUS CATCHING UP TO DO!
ga880101 -- Z - Oh, no! What happened to my toes?! -
ga880102 -- In the natural order of things, cats aren't fat, Garfield. - PURRR Oh, very well. - In the natural order of things, humans ARE gullible, though.
ga880103 -- Pretty impressive, eh, Arlene. Yes, impressive that those legs can move my body. - - Unngh! - GUH! - AAAAAK! - HIYAAAHGHA! - One!
ga880104 -- Some egg foo young, Garfield? Sure. - Hoe about some moo goo gai pan. Do you know what I like about chinese food? - It's as much fun to say as it is to eat!
ga880105 -- Still haven't mastered those chopsticks, huh, Garfield? - Mastered? ...no. - Perfected? ...yes.
ga880106 -- I knew you'd like chinese food, Garfield, but Im surprised you ate the octopus. Octopus? - ACK! COUGH HACK BLECK! - Actually it wasn't half bad.
ga880107 -- Gimme that fortune cookie. - Beware of the SPLUT! - SPLUT!
ga880108 -- Impressions! - A clock! - CUCKOO CUCKOO Tah-dah! Aren't they cute?
ga880109 -- psssssh - This stuff is guaranteed to keep pets off the furniture. It's so easy it's almost unfair.
ga880110 -- I can feel monday creeping up. - Now for a nice loooong nap. - Presenting RIP VAN GARFIELD The Story Of A Catnap... Z - That Lasted 50 Years! For the first time in my life, I feel rested! - Some Things Had Changed... Roof! Roof! - Some Things
ga880110 -- Hadn't Changed... How about a date, doc? No way! - And Some Things Had REALLY Changed! Set the table, mom! Here's a juicy one! - POOF! That's it! No more pizza after midnight.
ga880111 -- I hate mondays. I need something to cheer me up. - PUNT! - Even gravity has it in for me today!
ga880112 -- Garfield! What are you doing? Uh...push-ups? - The vet put you on a diet. I want a second opinion. - How about a nice leaf of lettuce? PLease! If I laugh I might snort an anchovy!
ga880113 -- I'm so hungry from my diet I couldn't sleep last night. - Thereby depriving me of food AND sleep, two of three things I live for. - If the third weren't self-pity, I'd kill myself.
ga880114 -- - - Must you play with your food? Who's playing? I'm picking out vitamins.
ga880115 -- Garfield! You lost another pound! - I'm so proud of you! Jon's so naive. - It's the same pound I lose every week.
ga880116 -- Where would you like to eat, Garfield? - This place? How come? - ERNIE'S Eat Till You Explode Restaurant Let's just say, I have a good feeling about it.
ga880117 -- Hey, kid, isn't that Halley's comet? - - - - - RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! IT'S A RABID MUSKRAT! - - I like the part where he made you fetch it on all fours. Oh, shut up.
ga880118 -- Are you sleeping again? - I am NOT sleeping. - I'm checking my eyelids for light leaks.
ga880119 -- Hey, you bought new socks! - Here, let me break 'em in for you. - Gotta Dance Gotta Dance So this is why my feet have been itching.
ga880120 -- Excuse me, Irma, there's a hair in my soup. - How do you know it's not one of yours? - I use smaller rollers.
ga880121 -- Hey, look, Garfield, Odie's standing on his head! So? - Isn't that amazing?! Not really. - How does he do that? I glued his head to the table.
ga880122 -- They say cats can see in the dark. - CLICK Hey! It's true! I CAN see! - I see a whole lot of dark.
ga880123 -- I shall now derive great pleasure from kicking Odie off this table. - CRASH! - THAT WAs DARNED INCONSIDERATE!
ga880124 -- - There's nothing like a quiet evening at home. click - click click click click - gobble gobble gobble - DONK! - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - Not around here, at any rate.
ga880125 -- Guess who this letter is from? Your parents. - They're paying us a visit! Know how I knew that? - Who else uses barnyard scented stationery?
ga880126 -- Mom! Dad! Welcome to the big city! Ha! You call this one-horse burg big? - Uh...care to freshen up? Like from a sink? Sure! Do it all the time! - Your father's determined not to be taken for a country bumpkin. Cut the chat. My tractor's
ga880126 -- double-parked.
ga880127 -- Is dad okay, mom? He sounds a little hoarse. He's a little upset with you on that subject. - With me? In your last letter you said you made your plants grow by talking to them. - You don't mean?... Ever try to give a pep talk to 40 acres of
ga880127 -- soybeans?
ga880128 -- Here it is, dad, a modern bathroom with all the conveniences. I knoe that! What kind of rube do you think I am? - CRACK! MODERN CONVENIENCES, HA! CHEAP, YOU MEAN! - Pumped the handle twice and it snapped like a twig!
ga880129 -- I have a big day planned for us tomorrow, so don't forget to set your alarm, dad. - What time? Four A.M.? Uh...whenever. - Four o'clock, got that? Either he goes, or I go!
ga880130 -- Rise and shine, cat! On the farm we get up with the chickens. So do we. - Except our chickens are in the freezer. - SO THE MINUTE YOU SEE ONE OF THEM UP AND AROUND GIVE ME A CALL!
ga880131 -- I think he's falling for it! Lasagna Flavored Hibiscus - Uh-oh. - Look, cat, it's like this...I'm a flowering plant. - I bring joy to this dreary existence. - My delicate blossoms offer beauty, grace and a sense of hope to this life. - Plant,
ga880131 -- you have touched my heart. That was very good. Thank you. - But, not good enough! But, I bring color to the world! - You want color? Go buy a box of crayons.
ga880201 -- Garfield, you're not still mad at me for serving you that rubber pizza last night are you? Nah. - And you're not planning some sinister revenge, are you` I'm bigger than that. - Maybe I'm just paranoid.
ga880202 -- Look, Garfield! This is my first serious attempt at making gourmet food. "first humorous" attempt is more like it. - I call it "chicken surprise". Somehow, I'm not surprised. - Fresh from the oven. I know. I heard the microwave laughing.
ga880203 -- Forget it, Garfield. I'm planning to enjoy this ALONE. - GULP! - Now, you're alone.
ga880204 -- Come oin, scale. Can't you see I'm waiting for your verdict? - I don't know if I have the heart to tell you this... - You have a heart? You have a face?
ga880205 -- Get off! I can't breathe! - Notify my next of kin! - I WANT it to die. If I had eyes my life would be passing before them!
ga880206 -- Sit up, Odie. Sit up, boy! - COME ON! SIT UP! Good luck, Jon. - It took Odie three years to learn to breathe.
ga880207 -- Sigh. - Nobody loves me. I'm just old and fat. - Look mommy! A little kitty. She said, "little"! - Here, little kitty kitty kitty. Bless you, child! - Well, I wouldn't exactly say "little," dear. What would you say, mommy? - Hmm, how about
ga880207 -- old and fat? - Here, old and fat kitty kitty kitty. Life belts me up the side of the head once again.
ga880208 -- I hate february. - But february starts out irritating, becomes boring and ends up depressing. - February is the "monday" of months.
ga880209 -- I think I'll write a book! A book about a handsome, debonair cat who saved the world from alien invaders, ended war and solved world hunger. - Nah. - There are already too many autobiographies out there.
ga880210 -- The most important part of writing a book is picking a good title. I think I'll call mine "Nights Of Indiscretion". - No, no. A writer must write something he knows about. - That's it! I'll call it "Nights Of Indigestion".
ga880211 -- THAT'S IT! - I have just come up with a cure for writer's cramp! - Writer's block.
ga880212 -- Most kids love snow. - Most kids love building forts and throwing snaowballs. - Mine are out for world domination.
ga880213 -- If Oj'n not going to let us in, I say we break the door in! - TAP - It's tough building up a full head of steam in deep snow.
ga880214 -- Yes, Odie, I'd say that hook is fairly important. - Z - Z - POOF - CHOOM! - - ZOOM! - I thought you were asleep! I was, my STOMACH wasn't.
ga880215 -- Garfield, you just had your morning nap. What are you doing back in bed? Taking your advice. - You said, "never put off until tomorrow what you can do today". - This is tomorrow morning's nap.
ga880216 -- - - Okay, I give. I was measuring the refrigerator for a pet door.
ga880217 -- It's fun finding familiar shapes in clouds. - That one looks like Odie, same ears, same stupid expression... - The same slobber.
ga880218 -- - So, what's your problem, guys? - We demand separate closets!
ga880219 -- Here I am again, pondering my existence. - ...my relationship with the universe. - ...my having eaten too much to move.
ga880220 -- I wish there were a sign to make you realize how fat you are, Garfield. - RUMBLE RUMBLE - And what does THAT tell you? That I shall be having my meals on the floor from now on.
ga880221 -- That's the last time I let you steer, Odie. - - Whee! I love snow. Yeah! As long as the neighbor kids don't spot us. - SPLUT! SPLUT! - - Hey, cat! Give us the kitten and we'll let you live. - NOT A CHANCE, YOU TURKEYS! IT'S ALL FOR ONE AND
ga880221 -- ONE FOR... - all.
ga880222 -- - CLICK! - What is it, Garfield?! Is there a thief? Is the house on fire?! Worse! The light in the refrigerator is out!
ga880223 -- pant pant Odie drips so much maybe I should call a plumber! - - That's a figur eof speech, Garfield.
ga880224 -- drip drip drip drip drip drip drip - SQUEAK -
ga880225 -- Garfield, I hope you're not thinking of climbing my curtains. - I wouldn't dream of climbing your stupid curtains, Jon. - But, to be the first cat ever to lead an expedition up the southwest face of Mt. Everest, that's another matter!
ga880226 -- Climber's log: 12,000 feet up Mt. Everest and the going is slow. - At this altitude oxygen is scarce. The experienced climber knows he must rest often. - Z Now I've seen everything.
ga880227 -- - That's my pie, Garfield, so HANDS OFF! - PLOOT nnngh!
ga880228 -- You squished my banana. - I have a blind date, tonight, what should I wear? - Maybe I'll go with the rustic look... - Or suave and sophisticated. - Or she might go for the athletic type. - DING! DONG! That's her! How do I look? Perfect. - I'm
ga880228 -- Gwen. You're cute. God made two of 'em!
ga880229 -- You know, Garfield, maybe we should skip dessert tonight. - SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP - JON! SPEAK TO ME! YOU'RE DELIRIOUS, MAN! Thanks, I needed that.
ga880301 -- It says here, owners and their pets often look alike. - - I think I'll go shave. I think I'll go have plastic surgery done.
ga880302 -- Cats evoke many emotions in people...love, pleasure, wonder... - - and guilt.
ga880303 -- You know, before we start our meal, it might be nice to bow our heads and give thanks. - Good idea. - THANKS! PLOP You're missing the point, Garfield.
ga880304 -- Garfield, you're a disgrace to your species. - Actually, I'm rather unique. - I'm one of the few mammals who can breathe under food.
ga880305 -- Have some water, little fella. - Now, I'll let you drain for a bit. - I knoew this would happen if Jon didn't clean the garbage disposal.
ga880306 -- Come on, Odie, LIFT - tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - What are you doing, Garfield? Guess! - Are you dancing? Are you upset? Nope. - Are you hungry? Guess AGAIN. - Are you trying to warn me about something? You'll never guess. - ARE
ga880306 -- YOU HORT?! Never in a million years. - ARRRRGH! You're driving me crazy! Darn...you guessed.
ga880307 -- I hate mondays. Me, too. - Why are YOU looking depressed? YOU don't work. - Sympathy pains.
ga880308 -- - They say, "You are what you eat". - MOOOO
ga880309 -- Garfield, wake up. - Do you know I can't remember the last time I heard you say "Meow"? - We'll talk about this in the morning. Jon doesn't have enough to occupy his mind.
ga880310 -- MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH - MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH - May I get you a snorkel? Are you trying to tell me something?
ga880311 -- Welcome to "Whistling For Dollars"! - The world's most stupid and boring game show. - Looks like the "truth in advertising" people struck again.
ga880312 -- AHA! - Let's see you get out of this one gracefully. -
ga880313 -- - How do I look? Like a million, give or take a year. - I think I carry my weight rather well. You should. You've had the practice. - Do you think I'll loose my looks with age? With luck, you will. - Do you think I have a strong chin? Which
ga880313 -- one? - Thank you for your opinions, Nermal. Anytime. - Anyone-Abu Dhabi
ga880314 -- Garfield, if a burglar broke into the house, would you risk your life to save me? - Excuse me. - HA! HA! HA! HA ha! ha! ha! Let me rephrase that.
ga880315 -- Irma, is this tea or coffee? What does it taste like? - It tastes like turpentine. - Oh, that's our coffee. Our tea tastes like transmission fluid.
ga880316 -- A philosopher once said, !I think; therefore I am". - - Poor Odie, he isn't aware that he doesn't even exist.
ga880317 -- It says here, an active fantasy can improve your personality. - I HAVE an active fantasy life. - When I'm eating, I fantasize about sleep. When I sleep, I fantasize about eating.
ga880318 -- Garfield, have you ever imagined yourself as really young again? Interesting. - Years of experience yet to be lived. Years of fun yet to be had. - Years of sleep yet to be slept.
ga880319 -- munch munch munch - BURP - My compliments to the chief.
ga880320 -- And then my cat grabbed the steering wheel, and... - YAWN - I wish I could get to sleep. - HOWDY! Who are you? - I'm the sand person, I help folks go to sleep. Really? - Yup. A few sprinkles of my magic sand and it's nighty night time. Lay it
ga880320 -- on me! - HIT IT, CHARLEY! - poof!
ga880321 -- Good morning, Garfield. I fixed you eggs, bacon, cinnamon rolls and hot coffee. Let me at 'em! - WOAH! - Rats. Nice try, Jon, You almost got me up on a monday that time.
ga880322 -- You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Arbuckle. - Licking the beaters on a cake mixer can't possibly harm your cat. - But, let's say that mixer was running at the time...
ga880323 -- KICK - Why, Odie! Whatever gave you an idea like that? - THIS is a kick! POMP!
ga880324 -- Garfield, if you're going to act like a piece of furniture, I'm going to treat you like a piece of furniture. - Idle threats can't move me. - Ha ha ha. Very funny, Jon.
ga880325 -- Garfield, let's just stay in today and lounge around. - Okaaaay. - I feel sorta silly, but I'll give it a shot.
ga880326 -- - - GARFIELD! Perfect timing.
ga880327 -- CRASH! - Hey, Garfield, guess what?! - We are going to roller-skate our way to health. - NOW, LET'S GET OUT THERE AND DO IT! - One side! Here comes your owner, the "Roller Skate King!" - AYIEEEEE! HONK! CRASH - - There goes my owner, the
ga880327 -- "Roller Skate Hood Ornament".
ga880328 -- You gotta take me to the vet, Jon. - I'm having trouble sleeping, It seems like I just get into bed... - And then, BOOM! Twelve or thirteen hours later I'm wide awake!
ga880329 -- COUGH! WHEEZE! - This may be my last hour. Let me spend it in the comfort of my home! - Remembe rthe vet appointment, huh? I may never see these four walls again!
ga880330 -- When I can't sleep, it seems like every sound in the house is magnified. - THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD - Must you?!
ga880331 -- Maybe a good book will help me sleep. - A good, BIG book. - whap whap whap Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
ga880401 -- I know insomnia is no laughing matter, Garfield, so I'll keep you company. - Let's see...I think I'll regale you with some anectdotes from my life as a boy on the farm. - Z
ga880402 -- What's your favorite kind of music? Rock? Jazz? Classical? - This way. - WHIRRRRR Git down! Uh-huh, uh-huh!
ga880403 -- - Hey, Odie. Let's put on a show for Jon. - TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - BLAT! SPLUT! - - Z - RIP!CLAW SLASH FITTT GRRR! - What did I do?
ga880404 -- BRINNNG! - The worst part about being irritated by an inanimate object is there's no rational way to get back at it. - Fortunately, I'm not a rational person.
ga880405 -- There's an old show biz saying, "find out what your audience wants and give it to them". - BONK! SPLAT! WHAP! - Apparently, my audience wants a target.
ga880406 -- Hello, Arlene, the cat of your dreams is here. - You're a dream? You bet'cha, baby. - I knew I shouldn't have eaten that pizza at bedtime. Ouch.
ga880407 -- Okay, Garfield, in ten seconds the timer will go off. click  - Capturing for posterity a portrait of a sophisticated young man and his faithful companion. whirrrr - SNAP
ga880408 -- I think you're going to like this food, ferny. - It's 100% fish meal accor... - burp
ga880409 -- I swear, Garfield, you're a glutton who'll eat anything. - I AM NOT A GLUTTON! AND THIS ISN'T JUST ANYTHING - I am a performing artist and this is my repertoire.
ga880410 -- Howdy, ma'am! You new to these parts? - - BLUT - MOMMIEEE! - Oops! - EEEEEK! - - YIP! YIP! YIP! - WHI!!!! - YAH! This is not a good day in the vanity department.
ga880411 -- Garfield, why don't you like to go outside like other cats? - Right, like the time we went to the farm and I wrestled a chicken. - You're hopeless. It was humiliating being pinned by ac chicken.
ga880412 -- So what's Mr. Excitement doing today? Collecting dust. - I'm going jogging. Wanna go? Can't you see I'm busy? - It would get your circulation going. Stop it! You're scaring the dust!
ga880413 -- Hey, Garfield, let's jog around the block. You'll get outside and give those lungs some exercise. No way. - I'm beginning to worry about you! - And close the door! I don't want any unnecessary air getting in here!
ga880414 -- Welcome to the early morning exercise show! - Ready? And one! And two! - Ha! Ha! Now you're getting it! It's easy to be cheery in the moring when you're prerecorded.
ga880415 -- Today I'm going to work on push-ups. - UNNNGH - So much for "push". Tomorrow we work on "up".
ga880416 -- This is what we need, Garfield. A complete entertainment system. - It has something for everybody. Really? - Then this must be where you warm up the pizza.
ga880417 -- CLICK - CLICK CLICK CLICK - CLICK CLICK CLICK - GIMME THAT! - CLICK Very well, Jon, have it your way. - CLICK - Speak softly and carry a big channel changer.
ga880418 -- - You watch a lot of TV. Do you know that, Garfield? - I can't read. What's your excuse?
ga880419 -- Boy are you fat! - Hey, guys! Get a load of lardo here! - WHUMP!
ga880420 -- It's been a nice day, Garfield. - A peaceful day. - Which will end abruptly if you stop scratching my belly.
ga880421 -- From now on I expect you to keep your area clean, Garfield. - So I bought you this little broom. - Where's the little maid to go with it?
ga880422 -- They say dogs have a strong sense of smell. - POOMP! - Fortunately, they can't smell a kick coming.
ga880423 -- Radar detects an edible substance on the surface, sir! - Up periscope! -
ga880424 -- Are you trying to make me jealous? - Come to breakfast, Garfield. - - - - - - - - - How's your coffee, Garfield? - Not bad. Good.
ga880425 -- Those tonsils will have to come out, Mr, Arbuckel I'm putting you in the hospital. Okay, doc. Hospitel? - JON! DON'T GO! How touching, a cat who's concerned about his owner. - WHO'S GOING TO FEED ME?!!
ga880426 -- Aunt Gussie will take care of you while I'm in the hospitel having my tonsils removed. - Aunt Gussie?! Oh, great! Oh, come on. She's a sweet old lady. - Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you meant the same aunt Gussie who was kicked out of the marines
ga880426 -- for unnecessary roughness!
ga880427 -- I miss Jon, Odie. Let's go visot him in the hospital. - - And while we're there, we'll see if they can reverse lobotomies.
ga880428 -- Good boy, Mr. Arbuckle! I see we cleaned our plate. - She's mistaken. Nobody can stomach hospital food with the possible exception of... - You were expecting maybe Dr. Schweitzer?
ga880429 -- What kind of a hospital is this, Jon? click - The television doesn't work. click click click - And how can you sleep on that bed?
ga880430 -- How was your tonsillectomy, Jon? - I can barely swallow. Awww, poor baby. - Maybe I have your ice cream?
ga880501 -- It's another "hurts to move" morning. - - Hello, what's this? - A shoe, a single shoe. - Why is it you find only one shoe in the trash? One shoe on a sidewalk? One shoe in the street? - Why don't people pitch shoes in Paris?! - KNOCK KNOCK
ga880501 -- KNOCK We'll just find out. - Yes? Never mind.
ga880502 -- Good morning, Garfield. How did you sleep? - Like this. - Z I see.
ga880503 -- - SPLOT - I keep forgetting...it's wake up first, THEN eat.
ga880504 -- Why don't you go outside, Garfield? The fresh air will do you good. - Maybe Jon's right. - Z
ga880505 -- Garfield, I don't understand. - Cats are supposed to be sleek and vital. - What happened to you? My great-uncle Ralph was a wart hog.
ga880506 -- ROWF! ROWF! ROWF! - Uh-oh! SCREEEEE - Miss me?
ga880507 -- Relentless in his pursuit of food, the shark scours the ocean floor. - Above him he spies the shadowy silhouette of a life raft with a lone survivor! -
ga880508 -- - Z - Z - Odie looks like he's dreaming about chasing something. Z - Let's see if he catches it. Z - ZIP! - CRASH! - Yup. - He caught the heat register. Z
ga880509 -- The neighbors asked me to baby-sit for their fern. - There instructions shouldn't be too difficult. - "Step one: watering, see section 26, paragraph 12". Skip the step that says, "cats eat fern".
ga880510 -- See you later, Garfield. I have to pick up spring water and fertilizer. Boy, is Jon spoiling that fern. - I require only the simple things in life, like a long nap in a warm sunbeam. - This has got to stop.
ga880511 -- ARRRRGH! Burp. - You ate the neighbor's prize fern! What an I going to do now?! - I understand they're doing some splendid things with plastic these days.
ga880512 -- Not again? - Garfield? Are you eating in here? CLICK - Nobody here but us refrigerator magnets.
ga880513 -- That's it! Gimme that remote control, Garfield. click click click - GULP - GARFIELD! click click Life just isn't fair, is it, Jon?
ga880514 -- - - I can see today is going to be a real yawn a minute.
ga880515 -- Even the Caped Avenger requires special effects. - - Z - click! - That's it! I'm tired of living with you bozos! - I'm moving out an taking my stuff with me. - How's apartment life, Garfield? With the exception of one nosy neighbor, not bad.
ga880516 -- Wake up, Garfield, Today is the first day of the rest of you life. - - Wake up, Garfield, Today is the first MEAL of the rest of your life. I can't resist a nicely turned phrase.
ga880517 -- How do you want your eggs this morning, boys, too salty or too greasy? - I'm tired of the same choice. Could you burn them? I'll try. - You're a peach, Irma!
ga880518 -- Garfield, would you know what happened to my loaf of garlic bread? Why ask me? - droop - Rat fink daisies!
ga880519 -- May I have this cupcake, PLEASE? Very well, you may have it. - What's the problem, Garfield? - I don't know if I want only a one "please" cupcake.
ga880520 -- Give me your honest opinion, Garfield. - Do you think this outfit clashes? No. - It's waging all-out war.
ga880521 -- - One thing I like about lethargy... - You don't have to work at it.
ga880522 -- I hate it when I don't tan all over. - - - chink! whizzzzzzz - ZIP! CHOMP - Sigh.
ga880523 -- Good morning, boys and girls! Good morning, Uncle Roy! - I love you just the way you are! I love you too, uncle Roy! - Of course, you could stand to lose a little weight... CLICK I wonder what Binky The Clown is up to?
ga880524 -- Good morning, boys and girls! I love you just the way you are! I love you too, Uncle Roy. - Golly. I feel good today! And do you know why? Why? - Because I have so many wonderful friends like you! Translation: Uncle Roy's ratings are up.
ga880525 -- Why, here comes Mr. Blue Jeans, the mailman. Morning, Mr. Blue Jeans. Any mail for me? - You, Uncle Roy, here's a black tax notice and a copy of Leather and Bike Magazine. - And here's a letter from you ex-wife's lawyer... This is a side of
ga880525 -- Uncle Roy I haven't seen before.
ga880526 -- Let's take a walk in my neighborhood, boys and girls. Would you like that? Sure, Uncle Roy. - Here we are outside my hou... HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! - HELP! BLINKY THE CLOWN'S STEALING MY HUBCAPS! It must be ratings week.
ga880527 -- Hi, boys and girls! I love you just the way you are! I love you too, Uncle Roy! - I'm in this cast today thanks to Binky The Clown who mugged me yesterday. But that's okay, because I love him just the way he is... - BEHIND BARS! Uncle Roy's
ga880527 -- only human, I guess.
ga880528 -- Do you know how to spot a lazy person? - A truly lazy person never finishes any... - Z
ga880529 -- Do you think the wizard will give me a brain? You didn't tell me you had family here, Odie. - Hey, Odie. - Is that your tongue or did you swallow a pair of Long Johns? - - By the way, I heard your fleas died of food poisoning. - Oh, yes, Igor
ga880529 -- called. He said your brain is on back order. - - Look, Odie, if I don't get a reaction, I'm gonna have to get personal.
ga880530 -- Here you go, Garfield. That's milk. - It'll make your coat nice and shiny. I think I'll opt to molt. - All cats love milk! When I was young I was frightened by an udder.
ga880531 -- Back, fleas! Look! A flea collar! - POW! PING - Some fool sold them guns! Nice shot, Ralph!
ga880601 -- You know, Garfield, I've often wondered... - Which are smarter? Cats? Or dogs? - Speaking of dogs, where's Odie? He's fishing off the back of you rowing machine.
ga880602 -- I hate playing hide-and-seek with Odie. I've been in this basket for an hour. - Maybe I shouldn't have found such a good hiding place. - Or maybe I shouldn't have made Odie count to three.
ga880603 -- Hello? What's this? - clickety clickety clickey - Sensing an error in judgement, our hero slowly backs away...
ga880604 -- - OUCH! - You wouldn't happen to know how this hole got in here would you? Rare oven mitt-eating moths, I suspect.
ga880605 -- This is Odie-wan-Kanobe. He has the force to help us. He hides it well. - - EEEK! - HELP! HWLP! HELP! - - Garfield, you sissy. I can't believe you're afraid of a little spider. - I need your book. - FWAP - Thank you very much. - EEEK!
ga880606 -- Goody! Here comes the mailman for his daily chomp. - Wait! He's stopping. - NO FAIR!
ga880607 -- - ARF! ARF! arf! arf! arf! - Thank you, Mr. Stealth!
ga880608 -- YOU ARE LAZY! - Don't you have any goals in life? Yes, to eat an ostrich. - Don't you wanna climb that mountain and yell, "I made it"? Ambition gives me a nosebleed.
ga880609 -- You never move from that spot. Ah. But I've considered it. - You're not even a cat. - YOU'RE A SLUG WITH HAIR! Sure, kick me when I'm down!
ga880610 -- Jon called me a slug with hair. Well, I'm not taking it lying down! - - All right, I'll take it lying down. But, I won't like it.
ga880611 -- From now on you're earning your keep around here. Here's a list of chores. Gee, thanks! - Only moments ago I was a lazy worthless burden of society. - Now I'm a procrastinator.
ga880612 -- Well, who had the keys last, deputy? - - Uh, Jon, you know how curious cats are, don't you? - Well, I sorta found you car keys on the chest and Odie and I...uh, well... - What are you trying to tell me, Garfield? - VRMM - CRASH - Never mind.
ga880612 -- Tell me, Jon, is it bad when the headlights are staring at one another?
ga880613 -- Yawn - SHUFFLE SCRAPE SCRAPE SHUFFLE I was afraid of this. - My birthday is creeping up on me.
ga880614 -- Garfield, I know you're depressed about your upcoming birthday... - But, remember you're only as old as you feel. - Let's see...how old are you going to be? About 12 million years old, give or take a millenium.
ga880615 -- In a few years I'll be ten years old. Just what IS ten? - - Ten is two hands and two toes.
ga880616 -- Why am I afraid of turning ten? - Why am I afraid to admit that I'm aging? - And why are turkey buzzards circling my bed?
ga880617 -- Garfield, you'll soon be ten years old. - And people handlse aging differently. - Have you considered acting gracefully?
ga880618 -- I refuse to get any older without a fight! Do you hear that?! - You'll have to drag me kicking and screaming into my next year. - After the birthday cake and presents, of course.
ga880619 -- If you brought me presents you may stay. - Hey, Garfield, I just ran across the old family album. Ho boy. - Our only thought is to entertain you. Feed me. Show me a good mouser, and I'll show you a cat with bad breath. We're inseparable,
ga880619 -- aren't we, Garfield? You're standing on my tail. - When I want in, I want it NOW. - It's not the valleys in life I dread so much as the dips. - DO IT TO ME NOW, MONDAY! GET IT OVER WITH! When there's napping to do around here, I'll do it. -
ga880619 -- You've really changed in ten years, Garfield. Feed me.
ga880620 -- Ten?! Why you don't look ten! - You look... - You look like you're trying to convince yourself that you don't look ten.
ga880621 -- Starting today, I think younger! - CRACK SNAP POP POP POP CRACK SNAP POP - That goes for you too, bonies.
ga880622 -- Guess what we're going to do today? - Here's a hintr. I start by hitting something with a club. - We're going to play golf! Thank goodness. I thought he was getting desperate for a date.
ga880623 -- This is a pretty tricky putt, Garfield. - Which way do you think it will break? Hmmm - I'd say, right.
ga880624 -- - I've heard of tough golf courses... - But quicksand traps?
ga880625 -- GARFIELD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! SLUUUCK! - I', slucking the cheese off your lasagna. SLUUUCK! - You're slucking the cheese of my lasagna. Nothing escapes this man.
ga880626 -- Do you expect me to be seen in public with you dressed like that? - CLICK - Why do I stay up and watch those old horror movies? - What if there's a monster under my bed? - That's silly. A monster couldn't fit under there. - Unless of course,
ga880626 -- it's a real thin monster. - - The sun should be up soon.
ga880627 -- One thing you can say about Odie... - He'll never have a mental breakdown. - No moving parts.
ga880628 -- Aha! Girl scouts and their cookies approach! - Halt! I see broken branches and cat tracks. There's a cat ambush up ahead! - Rats! A girl scout scout.
ga880629 -- Look, mommy. - Psst psst psst No, Johnny, it isn't! - It doesn't have a trunk. Diet time.
ga880630 -- - What's the matter, Garfield? Lost your appetite? Sort of... - it took another look at dinner and went into hiding.
ga880701 -- Garfield, no tricks, just honesty, I'm taking you to the vet for a checkup. - You're right, Jon. Honesty is important in a relationship. - SPLUT! NO, YOU'RE NOT.
ga880702 -- Doc, is Garfield's heart okay? Yes. Are his eyes okay? Yes. - Are his teeth okay? Yes. Are his ears okay? Yes. - Will you go out with me tonight? no. hope springs eternal.
ga880703 -- That's not a lasagna, mate, THIS is a lasagna! - Z - Whoa, Simba! Z - Why, it's an ancient ruin of a human being. - WHUMP! Let's unearth this relic, Sibma. - This must be a hand which is used to prepare food. - And these must be feet that
ga880703 -- carried it to thr kitchen. - All right! I'll fix breakfast! The pickax won't be necessary, Simba.
ga880704 -- YAWN - CHONK - Hellooooo, monday.
ga880705 -- How in the world am I gonna get out of this? - Maybe if I just closed my mouth... -
ga880706 -- I relly don't think this is exactly the way to get me down, Odie. - Why don't you try something else? -
ga880707 -- - Congratulations, Odie! You did something right for a change! - TOING!!
ga880708 -- Well, Odie, you almost broke any bone in my body, but you did get me down from the tree. - Someday I hope to do the same for you. - But not today.
ga880709 -- Oh sure, this may look comfortable. - But it has its risks. - Lip splinters are no laughing matters.
ga880710 -- HEE HA HA HA HEE HEE HA HA HA HEE HA - And now let's play "The Brain Game". - Here's our quiz question. Be the first person to call with the correct answer and win a new house! Right, I'll just pick up the phone and tall you the answer. - If
ga880710 -- you were a felis domesticus, what kind of sound would you make?  Felis domesticus? That's a house cat! - beep beep boop beep boop - For a new house, what is your answer? Meow. - Meow is correct! Congratulations! I WON! I WON! I DON'T BELIEVE
ga880710 -- IT! - Just give us your name and address, and we'll get right on you. - Uh, and how do you spell your name, Mr. Aaarrrggh?
ga880711 -- Garfield starts a new diet today. - This also marks the first day of... - Cheating.
ga880712 -- Yawn - UNNGH! - Diet time, Garfield. Shut up and get me a shoehorn.
ga880713 -- Not another carrot! I know it's diet week, but anything would taste better than this! - Oh, well. MUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - Burp...not bad.
ga880714 -- That was a great little nap. scratch scratch - Oh, what the heck? - They're small. I'll take two.
ga880715 -- - WHAM! - Garfield! Dinner! I'd love to, but my lips are stuck in the mail slot.
ga880716 -- Tennis is one of my favorite sports. Do you have a favorite sport, Garfield? - - Natch.
ga880717 -- - Now for a nice evening of television. - BLIP! Rats! We must've blown a fuse! - Garfield, use your cat instincts to guide me to the basement. - OUCH!..HEY! Where are you leading me? - I think we're in the basement. Never mind. We'll sleep
ga880717 -- right here till it gets light. - Well, Mr. Scout, what do we do now? I hate it when he wakes up cranky.
ga880718 -- Bathrooms are fun. - Here's a new one. - VIP! YIP! YIP! The mummy lives.
ga880719 -- - - GARFIELD!
ga880720 -- CREEEEEEEK - Th emummy awakens from a sleep of 3000 years. - And sets his snooze alarm for another century.
ga880721 -- Boy, am I starved. - I wonder what mummies eat? - *
ga880722 -- I remember breakfast back home. - Lying in bed. The smell of bacon on the griddle... - The sound of mom giggling as she made patterns in the potato pancakes with my baby shoes. She's a disturbed woman.
ga880723 -- On your mark... - Get set... - PLOP Z
ga880724 -- I, Garfield, Prince of Chraming, hve just awakened you with a kiss. It wasn't the kiss. It was the smell of sardines and pumpernickel on your breath. - - hee hee hee - YAAAH! - - - EEEEK!!! - That would have been funnier had his brain not
ga880724 -- been in another time zone.
ga880725 -- RIIINNNGGG! - Better hit the ol' snooze alarm. RIIINNG! - SNNOORE
ga880726 -- I wish Jon would get off my back. - He says I'm not pulling my weight around here. - boing! picky, picky, picky.
ga880727 -- Garfield, you're tha laziest cat I know. You never met my grandfather. - He was too lazy to get up to eat. - He'd lie on the floor and throw his dentures at the refrigerator.
ga880728 -- I'm not appreciated out here. - AAAYIEEEE!!! - I spend all morning greasing his shoes and not even a thank you.
ga880729 -- Do you know how to tell the difference between a raisin cookie and a chocolate chip cookie? - POOEY! - Neither do I.
ga880730 -- You fell off the curtains. So much for mountain climbing. - I thought cats are supposed to land on their feet. So much for myth. - CATS DON'T LAND ON THEIR FEET! So much for mystique.
ga880731 -- One for me and all for me. Does that sound right to ypu?! - bat bat bat - bat bat bat - ZIP FWAP FWAP FWAP - That's a familiar sound. - We've gotta put a stop to this, Garfield. - * - There, this venetian blind should do the trick. - ZIP
ga880731 -- CHU-CHUNG - -
ga880801 -- Dear Mom, How are you? - everything's the same here... - We need more fuit. I'm sorry to say.
ga880802 -- There are many ways to deal with depression. - Some people buy a new hat. - In order to depress others.
ga880803 -- Morning, Garfield. Have a good sleep? - It was a decent sleep, even a better-than-average sleep. - A sleep, perhaps, thet the uninitiated might think a first-rate sleep, but not a sleep that we conoisseurs would consider... I'm sorry I asked!
ga880804 -- So, what'll it be? Door number one? - Door number two, or door number three? - How about channel number four? CLICK
ga880805 -- drip drip drip drip - CLICK - CLICK drip drip drip drip
ga880806 -- We'll be back right soon so please don't touch that dial. - HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! - I SAAAAID, "DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL"! Talk about ratings through intimidation.
ga880807 -- This is great, Jon. What are you going to have? - * - Hey, Garfield. - Did you know muscles earn you respect? - Did you know chicks go crazy over guys with big muscles? - - - Did you know you can flex fat?
ga880808 -- Garfield, all you're good for is lying around and collecting dust. You got it. - I don't suppose you'd like to exercise with me? You got it again. - Well, taht's fine with me! Thank you.
ga880809 -- This is it, little buddy. Today I start weight training and take my first step toward hunkhood! - UNNNNGH! - HYAH! My hero.
ga880810 -- You know, Garfield, exercise really pays. Not enough. - Know what I got from lifting weights? A hernia? - Rippling biceps! - That reminds me. How about spaghetti for dinner?
ga880811 -- UNNNGH! - BWOIK! - Very funny!
ga880812 -- Weight lifing has really helped me, Garfield! - Just look at that muscle! Oooo, let me feel! - You killed it! The poor thing was sick.
ga880813 -- You're looking trim these days, Mr. Arbuckle. - What's your secret? Diet? Exercise? - Garfield started sleeping on my stomach. That should do it. Why don't you guys get off my case?
ga880814 -- - - Tell you what, Garfield, If I give you one of my hamburgers, will you stop staring at me? Agreed! - -
ga880815 -- YAWN - * Morning, Garfield, ** - * You coffee's on the table *
ga880816 -- Garfield, your snoring kept me up half the night. - You didn't stop until six A.M. I know. - That's when I inhaled my blanket.
ga880817 -- SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK I guess I'd better get my shoes off. - SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK - I guess I'd better wash my socks. Oh, yuk!
ga880818 -- I must have been hungry last night, Jon. - I dreamt I was eating flowers, millions of 'em. - What are you trying to say, Garfield? You're missing some wallpaper.
ga880819 -- KLUNK KLUNK KLONK - Sigh. - It's tough to fluff a bed-box.
ga880820 -- Starting today, I'm going to work on being more peasant. - BOOT! - Have a nice day!
ga880821 -- GARFIELD! Who else? - Hmmm - You are about to witness my finest hour. - Garfield, you are a genius. - Ah, customers! - Oh, Brett! This is perfect! I love it! - You're right, Mona. A little paint and some wallpaper and we'll more right in. A
ga880821 -- little wha?! - WHA...? It's a long story.
ga880822 -- If I ruled the world, do you know what I would do? I know what I would do. - I would make all people live in harmony. I would eat lasagna till it came out my nose. - And I would make cats stop being so self-serving. And dogs would be
ga880822 -- outlawed!
ga880823 -- Here comes the scariest part of the movie. - I CAN'T LOOK! TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER! - Was it scary? Not bad.
ga880824 -- Here's a picture of me back on the farm. - Things were really tough then. - Here's dad trying to milk a pig. That explains a lot.
ga880825 -- Here's a picture of my brother and me. Boy we were pretty wild. - An night we'd sneak out of our room... - Then we'd fill our shoes with chicken feed and run through the henhouse! Two real fugitives from justice.
ga880826 -- This is ridiculous. - You're so finicky. - There, all the ends are tied together. One-slurp spaghetti.
ga880827 -- George! That cat is at the window again! - Don't worry, Martha. He can't get in here. What's that noise?! - skreeeeee Sounds like a glass cutter! Call the police!
ga880828 -- Not to fear, friar Odie. I've done this a hundred times, so I'm bound to get it right sooner or later. - Z - - Z - BRINNNNG! - Come here, you little...and I'll rip your hands off. - - BRINNG! - I assume there's an explanation. Careful, Jon!
ga880828 -- They travel in pairs.
ga880829 -- Do we have any potato chips left, Garfield? - I'll check. - Nope.
ga880830 -- Good morning, Garfield. A rookie! - I've heard a lot about you. I'm famous! - They say you're vicious! Let me autograph your leg.
ga880831 -- ARR ARR ARR ARR ARR ARR ARR Dogs are stupid. - SLAP SLAP SLAP With bad breath. - SNAP Bu, I love'em anyway.
ga880901 -- Good morning, Garfield. 'morning, Jon. - What's this meatball doing in your bed? I put one there every night. - That's weird. He must not believe in the spaghetti fairy.
ga880902 -- The trouble with you, Garfield, is you think you're human. - You're right. - I gotta do something about this inferiority complex.
ga880903 -- Look! A mouse! - Act like a cat, Garfield! Okay. - Z
ga880904 -- Whew! I was beginning to think I'd never get full. BURP! - Lah-lah-lah-lah-lah-lah-laaaaaahhh- I hope the writer's strike ends soon. - And now, back to the Binky the Clown show! - HEEEEEEEY, KIDS!!! Good morning, Binky! - It's a beautiful day
ga880904 -- in Binkyland. Let's say hello to Mr, Sun! Hello, Mr. Sun. - Oh look! Here comes Mr. Fish to visit us! - Good morning, Mr. Fish. Kids, can you say hello to... - AAAYIEEEEE!!! Hello, Mr. Piranha.
ga880905 -- whirrrrrrrrr  Garfield, where are you? By the electric pencil sharpener being bored. - And just what are we doing? We are seeing which common household objects can hold a point.
ga880906 -- We're bored. You said it. - Hey, I have an idea! - Well, we're not bored anymore. You're right. We're bored AND stupid looking.
ga880907 -- Depressed, Garfield? Yo. - Well, look on the bright side. - Compared to absolute, hopeless despair, depressed is cheerful! I feel better already.
ga880908 -- Garfield, you have to be the world's laziest cat! - ALL RIGHT! - This boy's priorities are badly misplaced.
ga880909 -- Howdy, stranger. - Garfield, I hate to tell you this... - But, sleeping next to a picture of the Grand Canyon is not camping out. You're standing in my camp fire!
ga880910 -- Ha-ha! The last doughnut and it's all mine! - Why are you smiling, Garfield? - I already licked the sugar off. Hey! This tastes like baby powder.
ga880911 -- This painting of you is lacking something, Garfield. Yeah, a resemblance. - - Garfield, are you lying on my sandwich? You might say that. - Hey, misterm may we bury your cat in the sand? Sire, go ahead. - Thanks, mister. You're in trouble.
ga880911 -- Have fun, kids. - I must admit this is kind of relaxing. - This sand feels so cool... - Okay, Susie, you stay here. I'll go get the ants. LIFEGUARD!
ga880912 -- That's strange. I forgot why I came in here. - Oh well. It will occure to me later. - Hopefully before he gets to the grocery store.
ga880913 -- Here's the news! ...uh! Gee, this is small print. - Unfortunately, I can't see a thing without my glasses. - SO here's a song! * Feeeliiiiings * You should see the weather tap-dance.
ga880914 -- - - In case you're interested, watches don't float.
ga880915 -- Hey, Garfield! Let's go to the beach! Not today. - Where's your spirit of adventure? - The spirit is willing but the flesh is fat.
ga880916 -- There must be some way to escape this fat. - - Nah, it would just find my forwarding address.
ga880917 -- Ready to order, hon? What?s your special today, Irma? - "Chicken Surprise". Great. We'll take two. - SURPRISE! SURPRISE! You distract her. I'll call the hospital. Got it.
ga880918 -- It's too early in the morning for "cute". - - Cats are the greatest hunters on earth. - Watch me sneak up on that bird. - Cats are silent stalkers, deftly stepping between the dry leaves. - Remaining absolutely motionless, cats wait for the
ga880918 -- perfect moment to lunge... - DIE BIRD! - Stupid plastic flamingo.
ga880919 -- Here's a famous phrase for you, Garfield. - "Curiosity killed the cat". My uncle Bernie coined that one. - Right afte rhe coined the phrase, "never listen for a train by putting your ear on a train track".
ga880920 -- Winter of '83, summer of '79, spring of '86. - I love these trips down memory lane... - Checking the expiration dates in Jon't refrigerator.
ga880921 -- Dressing properly is a art, Garfield. - Rule number one, a tie is the extension of one's personality. - Rule number two, never tuck your shirt into your underwear.
ga880922 -- Have you noticed how Odie is always smiling, Garfield? His parents were hyenas. - Why don't you ever smile? I have my reasons. - If he thought he were pleasing me, he'd stop trying.
ga880923 -- Maybe Garfield won't eat THIS fern. - Do you know what this is? I sure do. - It's the triumph of hope over experience.
ga880924 -- Stay tuned. - coming up next is some mindless drivel guaranteed to insult your intellect. - Jon! Your show's on!
ga880925 -- Definitely no more pizzas with anchovies and chocolate syrup before bedtime. - - - CRASH! - - CRASH! - - I meant to do that.
ga880926 -- - - He actually moved. One side was getting flat.
ga880927 -- Jon! You're home! - Good to see you! - Where's the candy bar I had in my pocket?
ga880928 -- - GARFIELD! CUT THAT OUT! - Cut what out? Bird Feeder
ga880929 -- - You might be interested to know while YOU were asleep, I caought a mouse. - Good boy.
ga880930 -- JON! JON! ODIE'S FOAMING AT THE MOUTH! - MAD DOG! MAD DOG! - By the way, you're out of shaving cream.
ga881001 -- I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I MUST KISS YOU! - Kiss! Kiss! Smooch! Kiss! Kiss! - Oh, baby, baby! Car commercial.
ga881002 -- My crystal ball tells me I'm going to have fish for lunch. - OH NO! - GARFIELD! YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME! - I'm late for my date! Which socks should I wear? - My shirt! Does it go with my socks?! - TIES! I HAVE TOO MAY TIES! - THERE ARE TOO MANY
ga881002 -- DECISIONS TO MAKE! - Yeah, decisions like, should I enjoy this, or, should I tell him his date is tomorrow night?
ga881003 -- I just can't ge tmotivated today, Garfield. Don't fight it. - There's so much work to do. Ignore it, it'll go away. - I've been bitten by the lazy bug. I ate him.
ga881004 -- Jon't driving me crazy. - He's trying to grow a beard. - Do I look distiguished yet? Welcome to the family.
ga881005 -- Here's a new diet, Garfield. - It's called the "Ramone Diet". - If you overeat, this guy named "Ramone" comes by and fattens your lips. - Crude, but effective.
ga881006 -- You cats hardly have a care in the world, do you? - Your biggest worry is probably about the pet door sticking and your getting caught outside. -
ga881007 -- Hey, Garfield. Here comes the mailman. - Looks like you won't be able to shred his pants today. - He's wearing shorts. Then I'll just have to pluck a few leg hairs.
ga881008 -- What's this? It's from the pudding-of-the-month club. - I don't recall joining any club. - Do you, Garfield? Dibs on the butterscotch!
ga881009 -- This space for rent GARFIELD Jon has no sense of humor. - - unscrew unscrew unscrew - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - Good morning, Garfield. - PLOP - GOOSH! - Garfield! One more trick and no more TV for a week! - Uh, about your croissant.
ga881010 -- Dieting is like show business. - - The weight always returns for an encore.
ga881011 -- - WHIP - A little sensitive about our weight, are we? My weight, my business.
ga881012 -- Cut that out, Garfield. - If you don't stop staring at me, I'm leaving the room! - THERE! HAPPY?! Quite.
ga881013 -- Garfield, watching you eat takes me back to my farm days. snort gulp slurp - We raised hogs. slurp gulp snort - SQUEEE! SQUEEE! How would you like cat food shoved up your snout?
ga881014 -- Go away, dog. You're washing the wax off my shoes. - Don't you understand English? - Is your dog one of them foreign breeds? No, he's one of them mindless breeds.
ga881015 -- Wanna go jogging, Garfield? No thanks. - A new report says that too much air can prematurely age your lungs. - I'm going. Well, don't come crying to me with wrinkled lungs.
ga881016 -- Wanna look thinner? Hang around with people fatter than you. - - The cat senses the approach of danger. - rrrrr - The dog approaches, bent on wreaking havoc on the cat. - AR! AR! AR! AR! AR! AR! The dog threatens to dismember the cat. - The
ga881016 -- cat bares a perfunctory claw. - YIP! The dog flees, fearing for his life. - Another searing episode in the life and death struggles of house pets.
ga881017 -- Time to get up, Garfield. Go away. - Come on, Mr. Grumpy, rise and shine! - Never touch "Mr. Grumpy" before noon.
ga881018 -- - Rats. I hate static electricity. - So do I.
ga881019 -- Garfield, this toy was designed by animal psychologists. - TO appeal to a house pet's playful instincts. - DOING DOING Enjoy.
ga881020 -- Three sardine cans... - Four cupcake wrappers. a pizza box... - Why, Garfield? - Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
ga881021 -- And now, the late, late, late show presents... - "Night of the Zombie Plumbers" in 3-D! - I've been up too long.
ga881022 -- Congratulations, Garfield! You've mastered the chopsticks! - Now, dive in! - GULP!
ga881023 -- Nope...I've not seen him, marshal. - - - ZIP! - - ZIP! - - Good morning, Garfield.
ga881024 -- Paste SWIPE - PUNT! - Odie?
ga881025 -- That's it! I'm fed up with Jon! I'm fed up with Odie! I can't think of a single thing I like about this house! - - The roof...I'm rather fond of the roof.
ga881026 -- Z - Z - Z HEE HEE HEE
ga881027 -- Time for bed, Garfield. Z - I said, time for bed. Z - When he sleeps, he sleeps. Z
ga881028 -- Hello? Dr. Wilson? - Yes, I'm afraid it's Garfield again. - He chewed the knobs off the TV during a pizza commercial. I'm only human.
ga881029 -- Tah-dah! - What's with you? - You'd think he'd be more impressed with someone who just ate the entire contents of a house. Hey! Where did the refrigerator go?
ga881030 -- The big dripper. - DINNERTIME! - Hungry, Garfield? Is Odie stupid? - Great! let's go to the refrigerator and find something to eat. - Come on, Odie. Don't do it, Jon! - I'd better go to the rescue. - - SLAM! Clean out the refrigerator, Jon!
ga881031 -- Good evening, ladies and germs! tappity tappity - SPLAT! BOP! WHAP! - I see some of you stayed for the second show.
ga881101 -- I knew a dog who was so stupid, he chased bones and buried cars! - ROWF! BARK! MEOW! YIP GRRR ARF! - Dog Pound Who booked me into this joint anyway?
ga881102 -- * MEROWW * TINK! - Hey! A caviar tin! - I'm attracting a higher class of hecklers!
ga881103 -- You know, Garfield, we're not getting any younger. - Maybe we should start planning for our future. You're right. - Where are we going? TO make up a grocery list.
ga881104 -- I like it when I'm home alone. - The entire house is MINE. - And this is MINE, and this is MINE, and this is MINE...
ga881105 -- I didn't know you could touch your toes, Garfield. And you thought I was out of shape. - - Are you okay? Don't just stand there, All the paramedics!
ga881106 -- - Garfield, I've always wondered, what do you do with all the raisins you pick off your cookies? That's none of your business. - Oh well, I guess I'll go clean out the coat closet today. I wouldn't do that if I were you. - YAAAAHHH!!! - Very
ga881106 -- funny, Garfield. - Just look at the mess you've made! - Now I'll have to get a broom out of the broom closet to clen this up. I wouldn't do that if I were you.
ga881107 -- Any specials today, Irma? - I'll check. - Hey, Bubba! Anything in the trap this morning? Check please.
ga881108 -- What's the soup of the day? Hoboy. - Well now, what day IS today? Tuesday. - Well then, that would make it TUESDAY'S soup, wouldn't it now? Makes sense to me.
ga881109 -- Here's your burger. plop - Uh, don't I get a bun? - Oh! You want our DELUXE burger! Go for it, Jon! Get the super deluxe and get a plate, too.
ga881110 -- GARFIELD! WAIT! - Most kinds of spiders are completely harmless. Jon...you're right. - Especially the dead kinds! WHAP!
ga881111 -- Garfield, I don't feel like scratching your belly. - I have better things to do. - Like mending your shredded shirt?
ga881112 -- - BOMP! - I love volleydog.
ga881113 -- That's the last time I hide pet snacks on my person. - - Some pets are well behaved, and then there are my pets. I can't leave them alone for a second, watch this. - So long, boys! I'll only be gone for a second! - One. - I rest my case.
ga881114 -- - - It's going to be one of those mondays.
ga881115 -- pick pick pick pick - Do you know what you get when you pick the raisins off your toast? - Swiss toast!
ga881116 -- brrrrrr . Is it me, or is the hous freezing this morning? - TINK TINK It ain't me.
ga881117 -- And here's a photo of you with the pigs on my folk's farm last summer. - - You're the one with the stripes.
ga881118 -- Boy, this exercising is tough. - It's giving me a headache. - Try loosening your sweatband.
ga881119 -- I can't believe Judy asked us to leave her party. - By the way, what were you doing in the salad bowl? Bobbing for croutons. - Boy was she mad. You'd think she'd never had hair on her tomato wedges before.
ga881120 -- 35 days, 5 hours, 36 minutes and 4 seconds till Christmas. - CLICK - Z - Z Wha? Who?! Are you a monster?! - SLURP! Odie! It's you! Sure, you can sleep with me. - Yaaah! Now who are YOU?! - CLICK GARFIELD! - What are you trying to do? Scare
ga881120 -- us?
ga881121 -- What a great meal! - Isn't it a shame there's no unit of measure for how good food tastes? Ah, but there is... - It's called a calorie.
ga881122 -- Do you think you'd ever like to have a statue erected in your memory, Garfield? - Yeah! - If they could make it so it could eat pigeons.
ga881123 -- Wait'll you see what I bought, Garfield. - TAH-DAH! - It's amazing the things people would rather have than money.
ga881124 -- I wonder what Garfield is doing with that salad dressing? - - KEEP AWAY FROM THE FERNS! Too late.
ga881125 -- Tell me, Garfield. Would you say this milk shake is half full or half empty? - Completely empty! - Care to get philosophical about those french fries?
ga881126 -- Dinner's on, Garfield. Oh, nothing for me, thanks. I'm not hungry. - - WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH GARFIELD?! That was a joke.
ga881127 -- WAH! - Hey, Odie! - Fetch, boy! - DONK PLOP - SHOOM! - Odie, you stupid idiot! That's a fire hydrant! Not a bone! - Oh well, maybe this will make a nice planter or something. squeak squeak - I don't even want to know.
ga881128 -- - - My Captain Lamo laser poweres direction finder, decode ring! I hate cats.
ga881129 -- And now! ...your favorite game show! - Bowling for cheese! Uh-oh! - The audience is small, but loyal.
ga881130 -- Hey, look. The mailman's hand is stuck in the mailbox. - How tragic. - How sad.
ga881201 -- Z - OUCH! Your eyebrows needed thinning.
ga881202 -- Don't you just love all this snow, Garfield? - You and Odie should be romping about having the time of your lives. - Where is he anyway? - I'm standing on him.
ga881203 --WHEW, GARFIELD! - YOUR MORNING BREATH IS AWFUL. You're telling me. - My teeth melted.
ga881204 -- I've got to stop dieting. I gain too much weight. - Read yto go out, guys? Ask me again in the spring. - Have fun in the snow, boys. - SLAM! - FOOMP! - - - Odie! Are you okay? - ARRRRGH! - Wimp.
ga881205 -- Gee, I can't decide whether to have some pie or some cake. - - Have some pie.
ga881206 -- Jon, there's a lump in the tablecloth. Flatten it out with this french bread. - - Wait a minute! Where's Odie` Who's Odie?
ga881207 -- Look, Garfield! I'm touching my toes! I'm happy for you, Jon. - This is great exercise. Why don't you join me? Sounds a bit strange, but, okay. -
ga881208 -- Jon, I have something to tell you. - The refrigerator stopped running so I ate all the food before it spoiked. - Somebody unplugged the refrigerator! I know.
ga881209 -- As a joke, I have tied Jon's shoelaces together. Z - And, as a bonus joke, I have attached this rope to an airliner about to leave for Italy. - WHA! SHOOP! Bring back pizza!
ga881210 -- Garfield? What happened to the cookies I had in this jar? - - That was a stupid question. I'll say.
ga881211 -- Wanna popsicle, Jon? - Ho-hum. - What a boring, dreary existence this is. - GRRRR - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - RRRRRRRR - - What a boring, dreary existence this is.
ga881212 -- I have a big date tonight, Garfield. - Do you think I'll make a good impression? - Good, no. Accurate, yes.
ga881213 -- Boy, am I sleepy. - YAWN - I think I saw the sweat sock I lost last week.
ga881214 -- Boy, am I bored...bored, bored, bored, bored. - It's sure a quiet day. - Quiet, quiet, quiet day.
ga881215 -- Ah, yes. There it is. That old Christmas spirit is in the air once again. - What would you like for breakfast, Garfield? A blueberry waffle, please. - AND A CAR, A PONY AND A VILLA IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE!
ga881216 -- That's right. Stay just like that, Odie. - * Oh, Joooon * - I Get the hint, Garfield. Subtle as it is.
ga881217 -- Look, Odie. We may have a white Christmas after all. - Wait a minute! That looks like feathers! - MY PILLOW! Scrooge.
ga881218 -- Jon, I think it was a mistake to bring Odie. - YAWN - Why, thank you, Garfield. - Odie! You fixed breakfast! How sweet. - Thanks, Garfield. It's a bit drafty in here. - Uh, thank you, Odie. - SCREEEEE - By the way, boys, this attention
ga881218 -- wouldn't have anything to do with Christmas coming up, would it? I just ground this coffee with my teeth.
ga881219 -- Well, Garfield, it's that time of year again! Time to wash your socks? - Time to get a Christmas tree! - What's wrong with the one we have?
ga881220 -- I got our Christmas tree. Close the door, will yuh? - SLAM! - I meant AFTER I got the tree in! You should have been more specific.
ga881221 -- Well, there it is, Garfield. - The most beautiful Christmas tree ever... - Once again, the law of gravity rears its ugly head.
ga881222 -- - Z - Only three days 'til Christmas. Go back to bed, Garfield.
ga881223 -- * - ** - Darn thing's defective.
ga881224 -- 'TIS THE SEA-SON TO BE JOL-LY * - FA-LA-LA-LA-LAAAH LA-LAH-LAH... - la
ga881225 -- Z - BARK! - Oh yeah, it's Christmas morning. - The morning I have to get up early, be nice to people, skip breakfast... - Urf! I love you, Garfield! I wish it would never end. Merry Christmas! Jim Davis 12.25
ga881226 -- BRINNNG! - DONK - Only 364 more days till Christmas!
ga881227 -- GARFIELD! HEY, GARFIELD! - What's your new year's resolution? - You just woke me from it!
ga881228 -- Garfield, you should start the year out on the right foot. Which one? I have som any. - You should resolve to lose weight. I tried that last year. - I lost my resolve instead.
ga881229 -- I'm going to make a new year's resolution! - This year, I resolve to... - Pay attention to where I point.
ga881230 -- - This year, I resolve to be gentler with Odie! - push
ga881231 -- A new year's resolution. - Eating will no longer be a vice of mine. - Henceforth, it will be a hobby.
ga890101 -- - Garfield! You missed my new year's party! Define, "party". - Well, we had a great time without you. Bobbing for seedless grapes in fruit punch isn't my idea of a great time. - I suppose you went to some wild blowout. That's what the SWAT
ga890101 -- team called it. - WE PLAYED PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY We played pin the tail on the host. - Things got pretty out of hand when Mr. Beasley turned the Polka record up to 78 RPM! Whoa, fella! Spare my sensibilities! - Oh well, bedtime. Come,
ga890101 -- Simba. UNGHAHHH!
ga890102 -- Well, Garfield, it looks like we packed on a little weight over the holidays. What do you mean "wee." fat-man? - Only humans gain weight. - Cats get more "buddhaesques". pat pat
ga890103 -- Garfield, we are going on a diet. Uh...just what do you mean by "we"? - By "we", do you mean you and this blanket? - I don't think I'm getting through to him. Odie, Jon has some bad news for you.
ga890104 -- Garfield, you shouldn't take food for Garfield. - - He's right. An artificial color died to provide me with this meal.
ga890105 -- This salad needs something. - I think I'll garnish it. - WITH A HAM! WHAM!
ga890106 -- As a reward for staying on your diet, I'm going to allow you to have some sugar with your coffee today. - - Let me rephrase that
ga890107 -- Garfield, I know dieting is though fo you. - But, you've really sunk to the depths this time! - Hey! I'm sure I'm not the first Dieter to lick the pages of his candy wrapper collection.
ga890108 -- What...no fries? - - Boy, is Jon going to be sorry he put me on his diet. - Well, I hope you're happy, Jon. Look what this diet has done to me. - You know, Garfield, I think you've lost too much weight. That's an understatement. - Here, have
ga890108 -- an apple. - BONK BONK - ARRGH! GOOSH!
ga890109 -- Maybe watching television will take my mind off this diet. - And now, back to...Bowling for the Meat Loaf. -
ga890110 -- I'll just put some pepper on my carrot here. - Hey! Wait a minute! - That tastes like chocolate cake! Let's hear it for food processors.
ga890111 -- Diets - Diets are like Jon's socks... - They stink.
ga890112 -- Ah, it says here carrots are on my diet. - And this is a "carrot" cake. - A LOOPHOLE!
ga890113 -- - - Yes, even your toe is overweight.
ga890114 -- Here you go, Garfield. PLOP - Leftovers. Leftover from what? - SPLAT! THE SPANISH INQUISITION?
ga890115 -- Hum...Garfield, it says here that doctors now say diets don't work. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! - SMACK SLURP MUNCH - Hey, Odie, do you know what they put in dog food? - Dog food has lizards and yak lips and gum that's
ga890115 -- already been chewed and aluminium siding... - And some stuff you wouldn't even want to know about. - Garfield! We're out of cat food. You'll have to eat dog food today. Okay. - URP - What's with Odie? Must have been somethin he ate.
ga890116 -- Garfield, I worry about you. - I know you hate getting up... - But, lynching the alarm clock? I had it coming.
ga890117 -- I tried to impress my date with humor tonight. Uh-oh. - At dinner I stuck carrot sticks in my ears and smeared mashed potatoes all over my face. Then what happened? - Then she borrowed a quarter and called the police. Ouch.
ga890118 -- Mr. Arbuckle, it's about your cat... - As a government employee I deserve respect. - And I'm not getting any. What's a matter? Can't take a joke?
ga890119 -- You call this taking care of the mouse problem? keep a safe distance, Jon. - You are not normal. This is going to work. - Feed 'em 20 pounds of cheese and watch'em explode!
ga890120 -- This is a great book. - "Things To Do ON A Rainy Day" - Do you feel a draft in here? - Chapter one: "Fun With The Electric Razor".
ga890121 -- This is fun. - Garfield, how many sardines do you hav ein your mouth? One hundred nineteen. - WHY?! I'm playing fish hatchery.
ga890122 -- Well, Christmas and new year's have come and gone. Nothing to do but sleep till easter. - - - - - - Oh, very well, Garfield. You may have my steak. - I know, I'm a sucker for the loving adoration of a pet.
ga890123 -- I hate morning, I hate monday, I hate january. - SLAM - And I REALLY hate having the windowsill slam down on your fingers.
ga890124 -- The bedroom is freezing this morning. - I'd better turn the heat up. - OR GET THE CAT OFF THE CRATE!
ga890125 -- Gee, a new coffee with twice the caffeine. - It even comes with a tiny crowbar. - To pry your fingers off the cup. WHOAH!
ga890126 -- - SPLANG - Ah yes, the ol' "seconds away from blissful slumber" body spasm.
ga890127 -- Pop! - Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! - We'r eout of popcorn.
ga890128 -- Garfield, would you say I have an interesting personality? - Yes, I would. - I'd be lying, but I'd say it.
ga890129 -- And now! The great Odini shall escape from the watery chamber of death. - Rats! I woke up. I swear this happens to me every day! - It's another "hurts-to-move" moring. - I'd say my eyelids weigh about 38 pounds...each. - GARFIELD! TIME TO GET
ga890129 -- UP! Garfield's gone! The hogs ate him! - Rise and shine, fella! Check my neck, bozo. I have no vital signs. - You spend too much time in bed. - That's only one man's opinion.
ga890130 -- What a boring life I have. - How could anyone have a more boring life? This is it, Garfield! - Today's the day I tweeze my ear hairs! I guess anything is possible.
ga890131 -- - HI, ODIE! - THUD! That was too easy.
ga890201 -- - - Z Oh.
ga890202 -- - BWOING! - Breakfast in bed, Garfield? Sloth is the monster of invention.
ga890203 -- - - Dogs are the animal by-products in the weenie of life.
ga890204 -- - WOOAAH! - Thanks a lot for wrecking my shot, Mr. Twinkle Toes!
ga890205 -- The Caped Avenger has discovered the secret of flying: missing the ground. - - - - - knit knit knit knit knit knit knit - - Hello, Garfield. - CRASH! Perhaps my little ruse didn't work.
ga890206 -- I hate february. - February is the armpit of the year. - And don't even talk to me about mondays in february.
ga890207 -- - Depressed, Garfield? - How could you tell?
ga890208 -- I'm just a fat doily on the easy chair of life. - KACHUCK WHOP - Check that on the "RECLINER Of Life".
ga890209 -- - KA-CHUCK -
ga890210 -- - KA-CHUCK -
ga890211 -- I can't bear the thought of trudging through another dismal february. - -
ga890212 -- I wonder if the french foreign legion needs a cat. - - Jon's party appears to be going well. - I'll hide in here till dessert is served. - How about some fondue, everybody? - YAAAAAA - Garfield! You're sitting in the punch bowl. Oh sure! Try
ga890212 -- to change the subject, you cannibal!
ga890213 -- Wake up, Garfield. It's a beautiful february morning. Wake me when it's march. - It's monday, the start of a brand new week. Strike two. - February, monday, the thirteenth! AAARGH!
ga890214 -- - WHIRR -
ga890215 -- - - This is going to be one good cup of coffee!
ga890216 -- GARFIELD! DINNER! - SPLOOT - Boy, I gotta practice my aim!
ga890217 -- - - He's so impressionable.
ga890218 -- Good morning, Pooky. - POO! - And just where are you going with my teddy bear? Uh, it's my kid's birthday.
ga890219 -- I gotta cut back on salt. This water retention is bloating me. - - - SCREEEEEE - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - AAAAHHHHHH - - CRASH! Dogs.
ga890220 -- Yo, Arlene. Hey, ba-beee. - Later, doll face. Aren't you going to stop and visit? - I won't have to make any like REAL conversation, will I? Perish the thought.
ga890221 -- I'd love to stay and chat, Arlene, but I'm going to the dog pound to pound some dogs. - Then, I'm going to the gym to pump some iron. - Yes, and I do believe the gymnasium is this way. Welcome to an evening of macho posturing.
ga890222 -- Just look at that moon, Garfield. - Doesn't it give you any ideas? Sure does... - Bark! Bark! Sigh.
ga890223 -- Oh, Garfield, Garfield, Garfield, Garfield, Garfield... - Garfield, Garfield, Garfield, Garfield... Arlene? - Yes, Garfield? Shut up, Arlene.
ga890224 -- AJAX DOG WHISTLE works every time. - Meow fffff -
ga890225 -- GAR-FIELD! ODI- - GULP GULP SHOOM - Faster than the speed of dog. pat pat
ga890226 -- King Henry VIII and I have something in common...our waistlines. - - - BLUT! - - - BLAT BLAT - Toast a la plunger. Yum yum.
ga890227 -- Anyone here tonight from out of town? - Anyone here from IN town? ANYone here?
ga890228 -- I saw this dog the other day, and he said he hadn't had a bite in three days, soooo... - I let him bite me! - ROWF! HARF HYUH YARK I give 'em what they want. YARK HYUK HAR HAR HAR
ga890301 -- TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY tappity tappity tappity - What do you get when you cross a dog with a nine-foot gorilla? - You get a gorilla that drinks out of any toilet he pleases!
ga890302 -- Now to the enterteinment portion of our show. - An amazing feat of ventriloquism. - Featuring my overqualified assistant.
ga890303 -- Say hi to the people, dummy. - Hit o the people, dummy. - You'll notice my lips never moved.
ga890304 -- GLUG GLUG GLUG - * Ladeeee of Spain, I adore you. ** -
ga890305 -- You can't buy friendship like this at just any store. - - BREAKFAST, GARFIELD! - squeaka squeaka squeaka - squeaka squeaka - squeaka! squeaka! squeaka! - CRASH! - Do be so kind as to level the table, would you please?
ga890306 -- I feel down today, Garfield. - * Oh, 'dem blues, dey done got me down. Oh, yeah. ** - Sometimes I just gotta let it out. I was hoping we'd have to operate.
ga890307 -- The floor is freezing! - Hey! Where's my other slipper?! - hop hop
ga890308 -- Hey, Garfield, how about going for a ride? - Great! - I meant in the car. Piggiback pooper.
ga890309 -- This tastes a bit odd, Irma. - Oops, wrong dish. - HERE, FIFO! I think I'll skip dessert.
ga890310 -- I'm relly for my big date, Garfield. - What the... - THAT'S where I hid the banana cream pie!
ga890311 -- - TWEET - I always wondered what "tweet" meant.
ga890312 -- Jon, your date's here. - Garfield! Time for dinner! - Here you go, ol' bu- - -DEEEEEEEEE - WOOOOOOOAAAAHHH - HHEEEEIEYAAAHH - THUD - The service is average, the floor is okay, but the floor show is spectacular.
ga890313 -- - poit - SNIP! AIEEEEE
ga890314 -- - - WHAP!
ga890315 -- So long, spider. - FLINK -
ga890316 -- - -
ga890317 -- - SQUISH
ga890318 -- - WHAP! -
ga890319 -- I've had it with computer dating services. - - toing toing toing - - - - CRASH! -
ga890320 -- Sometimes I like to watch life's passing parade. - - And sometimes the parade likes to watch me.
ga890321 -- Time to get up, Garfield Z - Yawm. - Z
ga890322 -- - - Hey, wait a minute... -
ga890323 -- GARFIELD! WHAT HAPPENEND! - I yawned and locked my jaw. - Is there anything I can do? Here, keep the flies away from my mouth.
ga890324 -- Beautiful night, huh, Garfield? - My aunt Orpha used to take long walks at night, That's nice. - Till she got a bat in her hair. Can wee go in now?
ga890325 -- Hey, mouse. KNOCK KNOCK - I don't mean to complain, but what are you trying to do? - Make me look bad?
ga890326 -- Nermal, I want you to show some of my friends how cute you can be. - Hmmmm - - WHIPOW! - WHIPOK! - - Hey, Odie! - WHIP SLAP!
ga890327 -- - GOOD MORNING, GARFIELD! - There goes the cruelest man alive.
ga890328 -- - SHTOING! - Thank goodness I missed the apple.
ga890329 -- Do you know what's really dangerous? It's those little toy balls with bells in them. - OH-NO! dingle * dingle - BOOMP!
ga890330 -- As long as I'm down here, I might as well attempt to sit up. - - Ah, yes...the path of least resistance.
ga890331 -- ODIE! - - GARFIELD! PUTH THOSE CYMBALS AWAY! I can't have any fun.
ga890401 -- Time to raid the refrigerator. - BANZAI! - I take no prisoners.
ga890402 -- Your dogasaurus ate my car. - - - - - - I don't know what got into my cat! I'm really sorry! Nonsense! That's the most exercise Reba's had in years!
ga890403 -- Okay, a dinky little mouse hole. I have no problem with that. - - Now THAT'S a problem.
ga890404 -- - Gotcha! - Tag! You're it!
ga890405 -- - PSHHHHH -
ga890406 -- - SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE - Boy, did I walk into that one.
ga890407 -- Uh-oh. - Jon's not going to be happy about this. - They've gone condo.
ga890408 -- - scribble scribble scribble - Cats Stink
ga890409 -- Put that down. Don't make me use force, cat. - Oh yeah, you and what armeee...ooh Excuse me. - - SLURP SLURP SLURP - I'll never get any sleep with this mutt in the house. - Hey, Odie! There's a bone clearance sale at Ed's Meat MArket! - -
ga890409 -- SLAM! - - AAARRRGGGHH!
ga890410 -- - GARFIELD! - Oh, sure! Blame me!
ga890411 -- Garfield, what would you think if I brought a canary home? - ZIP! - You're disgusting.
ga890412 -- - - Dumb.
ga890413 -- - -
ga890414 -- Insomnia is a terrible thing. - I've been lying here, wide awake... - All afternoon! Get up!
ga890415 -- Hmmmm - SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! - Garfield! What happened? Just how long hs that leftover sauerkraut been in here?
ga890416 -- I may need to consider becoming the UNcaped Avenger. - - - KREEEEEEEK - THUD - - - Raisin cookies! - KABING!
ga890417 -- Hey! I was going to sit there, Garfield. Get lost. - - Hey! Get lost.
ga890418 -- Not only are we dull...we're weird, too. - Tonight's spaghetti night. - That's when we sit around and pretend we're eating our hair.
ga890419 -- There's crazy uncle Ed. - He liked to sniff waffle irons. - We spent many happy hours playing Tic-Tac-Toe on his face.
ga890420 -- - Good, Garfield's not around. I won't have to share my milk. -
ga890421 -- My date was going real well tonight. - My sophistication swept her off her feet. - Then I noticed I was wearing my underwear on the outside of my pants. Sick.
ga890422 -- Garfield, you made me breakfast! - What is it? I'll give you a hint. - Mmmm... What has six legs and can't swim in orange juice?
ga890423 -- Finished with thine breakfast, knave? - Did someone leave the faucet running? - Soo, Odie! Leave me alone. - - GARFIELD! - But, Jon! I didn't do that! It wasn't me! - SLAM! - -
ga890424 -- Here is the world's greatest alarm clock. - It has hands that glow in the dark. - And a snooze button with a three-day delay.
ga890425 -- - Hey, Jon. - I think Odie wants to come inside.
ga890426 -- - Poor Odie. Locked outside in the cold. I just can't bear to see him like this, I gotta do something. - SHOONK
ga890427 -- - - "And now... an evening with Mozart".
ga890428 -- Sigh - - SIGH
ga890429 -- CRUNCH!!! SPOOT! - CRUCH CRONCH CRONCH CRUNCH CRONCH Garfield! What on earth yre you crunching on? - Your coffee.
ga890430 -- - - munch munch munch - munch munch munch - WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH - -
ga890501 -- Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. - - I hate it when you grovel like that, Arlene!
ga890502 -- Here comes Arlene. I think I'll suck in my stomach and throw out my chest. - - You got it backwards again, dummy.
ga890503 -- Hey, Arlene, bay-bee...wanna sit on the fence and howl? - Blow it out your fire hydrant, blimpo. - GOOSH!
ga890504 -- Come up on the fence with me, Arlene. - How do I get up there? Take my hand, little lady. - I said "take," not "pull"!
ga890505 -- Arlene, your lips are as red as tomato sauce... - Your skin is as pale as uncooked pasta... - Your eyea! They're soft as mozzarella! Your hair!... Hey, Valentino! Is this a date or a feeding reanzy?
ga890506 -- Do you have any pets, Jon? Yes. A cat and a dog. - Really? What kind of cat? Oh, just an ordinary house cat. - I just drowned the alarm clock. Okay, I lied.
ga890507 -- Yawn - wind wind wind wind - wind wind wind wind wind wind wind - wind wind wind wind wind wind wind * - WIND WIND WIND WIN- - SPROIIING! - Perfect.
ga890508 -- Z - RIIINNNG! SPLOT! - RIIIINNNG! Hellooo monday.
ga890509 -- Here I stand on the top of the world. Master of all I see. - None dare challenge me, unless of course they be fools, or... -
ga890510 -- Yes, Nermal, life is a complicated thing. You get out of it what you put into it. - That was pretty intellectual. Any questions? - Is it hard to talk with six chins? I hate you.
ga890511 -- GIDDYAD, YOU FLEA-BITTEN PLUG! - TO THE CORRAL, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF HORSEFLESH! - Stupid pet door.
ga890512 -- This is my beddy-bye time checklist. - Blanket?...Check. - Food?...Check. Pooky?...Check. Alarm clock?... - Check.
ga890513 -- clomp! clomp! clomp! - CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! - CLOMP!
ga890514 -- You forgot to put creamed corn on the grocery list, Odiecus. - Garfield's Cat Primer - Why cats are lazy... - Cat's point of view. - Why cats need help. - Cat's point of view. - Why cats hate dogs. - Cat's point of view. And why cats are
ga890514 -- vain... - A cat's point of view.
ga890515 -- You gotta go on a diet, Garfield. - Even your face is getting fat. - Whose face is fat?
ga890516 -- Ah, that was a nice meal. - CRUMBS! - It's diet week. slup slup slup slup
ga890517 -- I know it's natural to clean up your dish when you're on a diet... slurp slurp slurp - But, if you're not careful, you'll lick a hole right through that bowl! - Guess again, sucker.
ga890518 -- GLUP GLUP - Oh no! I've been on this diet too long! - I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO SWALLOW!
ga890519 -- Diet gotcha down, Garfield? I'm lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut. - I have about as much chance of surviving this diet as a one-legged opossum on a freeway. - Why, soon, you'll be skinnier than a string been in a pumpkin patch.
ga890519 -- That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
ga890520 -- zzzzzzz - zzzzzz - Nice try, flabbo
ga890521 -- Z - Wow! jelly beans! I love jelly beans! - - - - - - SLURP!
ga890522 -- Try this new cat food, Garfield. No thanks. - It has beef, liver, chicken... Not interested. - Leg of a mailman. You wouldn't kid about that, would you?
ga890523 -- I hate it when mud build up on my feet. - knock knock knock - YAAAH!
ga890524 -- Up and at 'em, Garfield! - There's a big, wide, wonderful world out there! True... - But, there's a small, soft, warm bed in here.
ga890525 -- - tap tap -
ga890526 -- Odie left his brain to science. - - And they made an early withdrawal.
ga890527 -- Z - Z
ga890528 -- - This is a story about high hopes dashed in the big city... - It's not a pretty story, but...I'm not a pretty cat... - It was a dreary night in the warehouse district. I knew what I had to do... I had to open the door... No matter what... -
ga890528 -- And then it happenened... - GASP! - I had come this close to my big dramatic debut.
ga890529 -- I'm exhausted! - I guess I overdid it. - That's the last time I take three naps in a row without a break.
ga890530 -- Hello? Debbie, my sweet? - YOU FAT GREEDY PIG! I OUGHTA SHAVE YOU AND PUT YOU OUT I THE COLD! - CLICK Hello?
ga890531 -- Do you think this tie is too wide, Garfield? - Absolutely not. - However, you do need to gain about 300 pounds.
ga890601 -- I'm looking for just the right cologne. - That, coupled with my personality, will render women helpless. - Maybe you should try chloroform.
ga890602 -- My date and I went hiking. - We drank fresh water from a stream. - I got a leech on my forehead. Lots of screaming, I hope.
ga890603 -- Aren't you ever going to get up today, Garfield?! Jon, Jon, Jon... - You don't understand. Sleeping is an art... - So let's not be disturbing the creative process, hmmmm?
ga890604 -- RING RING RING - RING RING RING - Where is that Jon, anyway? RING RING RING - RIirnnnng... tie tie tie - - Who tied a knot in this phone cord, anyway? - RING
ga890605 -- There's one think I like about living here... - SPLUT! - The easy commute.
ga890606 -- - Whew. - BANZAI! YAAAH!
ga890607 -- GARFIELD - What's the idea of putting glop in my washing machine?! - What's the idea of putting dirty launrdy in my instant pudding?!
ga890608 -- BOING BOING BOING BOING - I wonder where Garfield got the springs. - Oh.
ga890609 -- click click click click Rats! The channel won't turn. The TV's broken, Garfield. - Here, read a book for a change. - click click click Rats! The pages won't turn!
ga890610 -- Z Breakfast, Garfield! - THUD! - Z Isn't that sad?
ga890611 -- GASP! It's the Odie of the Opera! - Hmmm - One shower stall, one drain plug, and one ironing board. - Water on. - * - COWABUNGA! - Why can't you bat at a piece of string like other cats?!
ga890612 -- Growing old is sad, Garfield. - So many dreams never to be fulfilled... - I may never play the bagpipes! Stop. You're ripping out my heart.
ga890613 -- Listen to this, Garfield. - As we grow older, our attention span gets shorter. - Pretty interesting, huh? What?
ga890614 -- Next week I'm going to turn eleven. - I wonder if I'll be older and wiser. - Probably just older.
ga890615 -- Hey, Garfield! Where are you? Oh, just lying here in the corner, thinking about my birthday and counting my wrinkles. - The only thing that can cheer me up is to have a really great birthday party...with all my best friends. - And YOU'RE not
ga890615 -- invited!
ga890616 -- TLING * - ** TLING TLING TLING TLING TLING TLING * TLING * - Looking for your bithday gift in the closet? Oh, shut up.
ga890617 -- Hey, Jon... - I know I said I wanted a "big" birthday party... - But, this is ridiculous.
ga890618 -- Z - I can't believe I'll be eleven years old tomorrow. - Oh, well, time to get these old bones out of bed. - Okay, toes. crack crack crack crack crack crack - Okay, knees. Okay, arms. crack crack crack crack - Okay, knuckles. Okay, neck.
ga890618 -- crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack - CRACK! - Another year, another crack.
ga890619 -- Okay, I'll be the birthday cat, and you' be the cake: * Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meee, happy birthday dear Garfield, happy birthday tooo meee! * - FOOF! -
ga890620 -- Do you know what lazy is? - - Lazy is taking a coffee break between naps.
ga890621 -- There are two rules for assembling a model airplane... - Never get glue on your hands. And, if you do... - Never pick your nose. I have to go to the hospital now.
ga890622 -- A spotlight hits center stage. - Out steps the star! The crowd goes wild! - Thank you! Thank you! Why am I doing this?
ga890623 -- MY STEAK! - GARFIELD; YOU'Re NOTHING BUT A THIEF! I resent that. - I'm a thief AND a glutton.
ga890624 -- Well, here it is saturday night, Garfield. - I think I'll just curl up with a good book. - And a box of (sob) tissues. I wish he'd get a date.
ga890625 -- Well, this is another fin mess you've gotten me into. - Yup, time for my 2:17 P.M. snack. - - munch munch UMMF ERRRGH UMFF UMFF UMFF - munch munch munch HURP! HUMFFF ERRRGH UFF UFF - Whew! - -
ga890626 -- Hey! Your cat just drank my coffee! - You'll have to excuse him, sweets. He thinks he's human. - You two have a lot in common, don't you? Ouch.
ga890627 -- Doc, will you go out with me? Sure, let's go now. - CLICK - I didn't say I'd come BACK with him.
ga890628 -- So just where are we going on this date, Jon? Skating, my sweet. - SKATING?! Yes, but first I thought you might enjoy dining out. - Gee, I'm glad I wore my pearls. I'll have 3 triple Binky Burgers with extra nose squeakers.
ga890629 -- Liz is going to be so impressed, Garfield. - Watch ol' Jon work his skating magic on her! - My hero.
ga890630 -- This was a good idea to go skating, wasn't it Liz? - Been skating long, Jon? - Why do you ask that?
ga890701 -- I can't believe it! I'm so embarrassed! - I can't believe I blew a chance to give Liz a good-night kiss! - I can't believe I kissed the doorbell! You're supposed to kiss her and close your eyes, not close your eyes and kiss her, you dip!
ga890702 -- 'Ah got a hole in mah sole, an' ah got dem kitty litter blues' tap tap tap - SLURP! - - - - - WHAP! -
ga890703 -- Hey, Garfield. Do we have any cheese? Yes, we have that in green or brown. - I'm thinking about cleaning the refrigerator out! You can't do that! This food has great historical significance! - This spaghetti sauce was used to cauterize
ga890703 -- wounds during the civil war.
ga890704 -- poink - I wonder if this nail is important. -
ga890705 -- You weigh 12 pounds. - You weigh no pounds. - What do you weigh these days, Garfield. Oh, I'm averaging about 6 pounds.
ga890706 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Ahem...bark, bark, bark. - BARK! YIP! GRRR ROF! BARK! BARK! That was dog for "your mother has fleas".
ga890707 -- Just what is success? To some it's wealth and notoriety...to some it's a simple sense of self-worth, but to me it's contributing something toward the betterment of mankind. - What's your definition of success, Garfield? - Being able to eat 20
ga890707 -- pizzas without throwing up. Whatever you said, I'm sure we all saw that one coming.
ga890708 -- Hey, Odie! Nah, nah, nah, nahhh. naaahhh * - SLURP! - Vet Next
ga890709 -- - The prima ballerina jetes onto the stage. - The olympic gymnast finishes his routine with a full back layout. - Here we are in the final round of the hopscotch competition. - The jackhammer operator rips through 12 inches of concrete. - Oh,
ga890709 -- Garfield. Why can't you just nuzzle like other cats? You deserve better.
ga890710 -- Hey, Garfield! We're going to the farm today! - Fine, I'll be outside... - Letting the air out of your tires.
ga890711 -- Doc Boy! How are you? Don't call me Doc Boy! - Oh, sorry. Hmmm what else did I used to call you?... - Oh, yeah! Iguana Gums! How are you? Call me Doc Boy.
ga890712 -- Sure is peaceful here. Yup, always has been. Always will be. Nothing moves fast here. Nope. - Oh, bys! Dinner! -
ga890713 -- You boys leanin' on the fence? Yeah, dad. - Mind if I join you? Not at all, dad. - You boys gotta lose some weight. Okay, dad.
ga890714 -- Garfield, this is a pig. - Pigs are used for food. I know that. - Your people root for truffles, don't they?
ga890715 -- Look at those pigs, Garfield. - All they ever do is eat and sleep. - GET OUT OF THERE! "Oink," I say.
ga890716 -- Sit on that egg for ya, lady? - - Hey, Odie, guess who's going to the vet today? - Poor Odie. - I had an uncle who went to the vet once... - While he was there, they removed his brain and replaced it with the brin of a chicken. - He spent the
ga890716 -- rest of his life breaking into grocery stores so he could sit on the eggs. - Let's go, Garfield. Me? - You heard me. Give me a minute to preen my feathers.
ga890717 -- I did it! - - I got an entire loaf of bread in my mouth! Congratulations, Garfield.
ga890718 -- Z - Z - BONK! Z
ga890719 -- Well, well, well. I see you're going bird-watching. - You have your field guide, your binoculars and your frying pan. Have fun! - Frying pan? I'll save you a drumstick.
ga890720 -- - Lunch, Garfield! - Don'T touch him or you'll lose my page.
ga890721 -- Z - - * How'd you like to be bitten by a doorstop, fella?
ga890722 -- z - z - For those of you wondering, I'm only half asleep.
ga890723 -- I'll gladly pay you tuesday for a cheeseburger today. - - - - - - beep beep boop beep - Hello?- AYIEEEE! Definitely worth the quarter.
ga890724 -- Let's see what the forecast is today... - "Saccharine with occasional coyness"? - I wonder what that means?
ga890725 -- Well, if this isn't Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. In Person. - Tell me...how is it you've uh, you've... I've stayed the same while you've withered like a two-year-old cantaloupe? - ARRRGH If you nail'em hard, there's plenty of time for a
ga890725 -- getaway.
ga890726 -- Gee, I'd love to be in a cute cat calendar someday. - That could be arranged. Really? -
ga890727 -- - - How's it going? Haven't quite got the hang of it.
ga890728 -- Worried about wrinkles, Garfield? - Just remember, wrinkles only exist to show where the smiles have been. - You life must be a laugh riot. Oh, shut up.
ga890729 -- Z - STOMP ZINNNG! - He didn't even say "goodby".
ga890730 -- Garfield, these rice cakes are nutritious and low in calories. Bingo! The two magic words that make me retch! ptoo - Odieee. Oh, Odie! - Odie! I'm stuck up this tree! Go get help! - What a guy. - What the...? - A bowling ball? What good is
ga890730 -- this? - CRACK! I hate dogs.
ga890731 -- I'm beginning to think there's a bigger world out there... - A sixty-fourth of an inch last night, Garfield! Congratulations, Jon. - Those toenails are really growing now.
ga890801 -- Garfield, I can't scratch you any longer. My hands are cramping up. Fine. - POOK! -
ga890802 -- I love gourmet cooking, Garfield. If it doesn't move, I'll eat it. - cReativity is the key. If it moves a little, I'll eat it. - I just can't get the meat loaf inside the Danish. Heck with it. If I can catch it, I'll eat it.
ga890803 -- I enjoy sophisticated humor. - Fetch, Odie! - BONK! Like watching a dog run into a wall.
ga890804 -- Garfield? Do you think I'm overweight? - Don't be ridiculous. - I needed that.
ga890805 -- Good morning, fellow food freaks. - Dining etiquette rule number one... - Never stand in a warm pizza.
ga890806 -- That's right, kids. It's always nice to share. Soda pop. - * - Rats! - I just can't get comfortable. - If I can't get comfortable, I'll never get to sleep! - Wait a minute...maybe if I raised my right arm and leg and laid my head back and got
ga890806 -- my tail out of the way... - Z I don't even wanna know.
ga890807 -- - What the...? - Penthouse.
ga890808 -- It can't be time to clean uot the refrigerator again. The meat loaf has toadstools. - These leftovers haven't been IN there that long. The baked beans need a trim. - Thy couldn't POSSIBLY be that old. There' an arrowhead in the guacamole.
ga890809 -- C'mon, Garfield, let's exercise to music. - * I got rhythm, I got rhythm. * - Come on, Garfield. * I got a hernia, I got a hernia. *
ga890810 -- I droipped your bed and broke it, Garfield. I'll fix it tomorrow. - - I'll fix it today. Whenever.
ga890811 -- Like my tie, Garfield? Well, I... - You in the house...you are surrounded! - Oh no! It's the geek police! Throw out the tie!
ga890812 -- Ha-ha, Odie. I'm inside and you're outside, and you can't come in! - SLURP! - I THOUGHT this window seemed awfully clean.
ga890813 -- To eat or not to eat, what a silly question. Certainly 'tis nobler to clean thine plate to maketh room for more. - - - - - - -
ga890814 -- It's monday. What an ugly day. - Hey, Garfield. We're going camping! - Maybe if I die, I won't have to go.
ga890815 -- Great day for a camping trip, right, boys? - Yessiree, families should do stuff together. - Good idea. Let's all get carsick.
ga890816 -- Hmm...what's this little handle for? - SCREEEEEEEEEE THONK - Leave the parking brake alone, Garfield!
ga890817 -- Looks like we can't stop for lunch, boys. - I can't find a restaurant. - HEY! I'm on the scent!
ga890818 -- Isn't this fun, boys? You know, I have a feeling nothing's going to spoil this camping trip. - BUMP! - Congratulations, you just ran over a cow.
ga890819 -- Let's get out, get some fresh air and stretch our legs, boys. - - Odiue likes it. Leave the keys so I can listen to the radio.
ga890820 -- I think there's something wrong with this lasagna recipe. - Watch ad learn. - Survival is my life, Garfield. Watch me set up camp. - First we unpack our food, then roll out our sleeping bags... - Build the campfire... rub rub rub rub - And
ga890820 -- finally set up the tent. - Let's see now...what have I forgotten? To notify your next of kin?
ga890821 -- Well, here we are camping, boys. Isn't this perfect? I disagree. - The tent is perfect, the view is perfect. Everything is perfect. It's not perfect yet. - NOW it's perfect.
ga890822 -- This rain will end someday, Garfield. WE just gotta have a sense of humor about this. I'll never be dry again. - HEY! - THERE'S A CARP IN MY KNAPSACK! Where's your sense of humor, Jon?
ga890823 -- Uh, Garfield...we have some snacks in the car. What are you trying to tell me, Jon? - Go get 'em for me, will you? Sure. No problem. -
ga890824 -- The firewood's getting wet, Garfield. Go get it. No way. - I SAID, GO GET IT! Okay! Okay! - Your firewood, Bwana. Oops.
ga890825 -- Go outside and see if it's still raining, Garfield. Yes, sahib. - Good news! It's stopped raining! - It's snowing.
ga890826 -- Hey! It's stopped raining! - Let's go hiking, boys! - See what happens when you don't have sidewalks, Odie.
ga890827 -- Here we are, boys. Out here with mother nature, no cars, no clocks, no stress. ...no TV, no microwave, no refrigerator, no indoor litter box. - - Grrrrr - Odie! Did you hear that? That sounded like a bear! - LET'S GET OUTTA HERE! - Whew! We
ga890827 -- made it! We're safe! - Maybe we should've warned Jon.
ga890828 -- I can't beluieve it. Two weeks cooped up with Jon and Odie in the middle of nowhere. - If I don't get to visit with some rel humanity soon, I'm going to go starkers! - So...rock, read and good books lately?
ga890829 -- Go outside and check for bears, Garfield. Sure, why not? - No...there are no bears out here... - Just pumas.
ga890830 -- Here, Odie, have a toasted marhmallow. - SLURP! - I really do hate camping.
ga890831 -- Okay, so it rained for two weeks. We still had fun, didn't we? - GOOSH! - Okay, so I forgot to roll the window up...
ga890901 -- Do you know what I'm looking forward to after camping, boys? - A nice hot shower. - And from the smell of things, you guys could use one, too.
ga890902 -- Camping was sure fun, wasn't it, boys? - Gee, I wish we could camp just one more night. That can be arranged... - CLICK Enjoy!
ga890903 -- ...and I have a hundred more pet stories. I guess the party's over. - Ye-ha! Whoopee! - * Party! Let's have a party! Yee-ha! I hate fleas. - Ya-hoo! This spray should do the trick. - Gas! Hit the deck, boys! PSSST!
ga890903 -- Ack! Cough, cough. Medic? They got Sam! Speak to us, Sam! - Wheeze...cough...come closer, boys. I gotta say one thing...cough... - What is it, Sam? - * Paaarrty! Let's have a party! ** Yee-ha! This stuff is worthless.
ga890904 -- Okay, campers, it's time to exercise! Let's start with some leg lifts...ready, begin! - Annnd ONE and... - CLICK two.
ga890905 -- ARRRRGH! - I'M BEING CHASED BY A SNAKE IN A FUR COAT. - Something wrong with your tail? Tail? I knew that.
ga890906 -- I can't see! I can't see! - Garfield, your blanket is over your eyes. - I knew that. Sometimes I worry about that boy.
ga890907 -- Jon put a bell around my neck. - He thinks it'll keep me from catching birds. - He's probably right.
ga890908 -- Art is my life. - Voila! - I think I'll call it, "squirrel-tracks leading from empty lasagns pan".
ga890909 -- It's five A.AM., Garfield. A great time to jog. - YAWN - Z I knew that nonsense wouldn't last long.
ga890910 -- I say, "why diet?" I say, "why don't the do something about gravity?" - - This is it, Garfield! I've made up my mind! I'm throwing them out! - Attaboy! Go get !em! - CLICK Okay, time to go! - HEY! WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!---
ga890910 -- WHA...WHOA...-WHA?!...HEY! ...WAIT A MINUTE!! - YAAHH!!! OOF! THUD SOCK POUND POUND - YEOOOWCH! OW! OW! OW! GAAAAAAAG...YAAAAAHH!! POW! CHOKE BIFF BIFF BIFF - When leftovers get real old they can turn mean.
ga890911 -- Sigh...monday. - It's dreary and pouring rain. - What could be worse? There's a motorcycle gang in the driveway.
ga890912 -- Should I be mean or lazy today?... - Or, maybe a happy medium... - I'll just lie here and bite anyone who trips over me.
ga890913 -- This day is the dullest... - Things can't get more boring than this... - Any more stamps around here? Bingo.
ga890914 -- Hey, Garfield! It's hot and humid today! The conditions are perfect! Let's go! - I'm getting a front row seat. - Silence please, we're watching the linoleum curl.
ga890915 -- Wanna spice up those dull meals? - Just dumb your food on the table... - and make it dance! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! You need help, Garfield.
ga890916 -- When people get bored they change things. - For instance, look at Jon here. - That'll tech him to take a nap.
ga890917 -- Kids...please don't try this at home. - YAWN - I'm bored. I gotta find a purpose in life. - FOOF! - - - FOOF - Can I try that? Find your own feather.
ga890918 -- I wonder what time it is? - Hmmmmm - Feels like breakfast time.
ga890919 -- CLICK - WHOCK! - Stupid garage door opener.
ga890920 -- Garfield, is this your box? Yeah. - It's full of mailmen's hats! I'm collecting them. - Where are the mailmen? THEY'VE ESCAPED!
ga890921 -- And now a scientific experiment to see if dogs can land on their feet. - BLOONG -
ga890922 -- I hate eating in bed. - There must be some deep psychological reason for that... - Or maybe it's because I'm lying on my fork.
ga890923 -- Sometimes it's good to get up early and do chores. - AARRRGH! - Like moving the litter box to the side of Jon's bed.
ga890924 -- My mind says "get up and get active," then my body begins to laugh. - Here, boy! - There's something very special about Odie... - CRASH! - That wasn't it. - - CRASH! - Now THAT was special.
ga890925 -- My, my, what's gotten into you this morning? It's what's NOT gotten into me. I'm on a diet, you freak. - I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly. They're ecstatic they're not on diets. - Come on...cheer up. Oh, very well.
ga890926 -- A carrot stick, all I get on my diet is this stupid carrot stick. - Jon says diets are supposedto be pleasurable... - Unless this thing starts tap dancing, I'm gonna be real disappointed.
ga890927 -- Remember, when preparing chicken... - "Waste not, want not" - These beaks make lovely wind chimes. This show's great for the diet.
ga890928 -- How does the diet go, Garfield? Uh, okay. - I'm really proud of you. Yeah, thanks. - Uh, what are you doing in there? Licking the oven grate.
ga890929 -- Garfield, you've dome so well on your diet, I've decided to let you cheat a little. - Here's an extra carrot stick! - Now why nid you noo nat?
ga890930 -- I'm hungry. I need an appetite suppressant. - - Jon's leftovers always so the trick.
ga891001 -- It takes years of practice to get this depressed. - - Cement - ! - - - -
ga891002 -- Garfield, I think we should dispose of all our high-cholesterol foods. Good idea. - ZIP - You ate everything in the refrigerator! No need to thank me, Jon. I'm just a civic-minded kind of guy.
ga891003 -- Jon's starting to worry me. - He's so desperate for companionship he'll talk to anybody... - Even answering machines. My, you have a lovely beep.
ga891004 -- Some tasteless people wear clip-on ties. - - Jon wears clip-on SUITS-
ga891005 -- Here's your dinner, Garfield. How about service with a smile? - - I hope the food is safe to eat.
ga891006 -- ...where's my toothbrush? - Thank you. - BRUSH BRUSH BRUSH BRUSH These are the memories that last a lifetime.
ga891007 -- I wonder if it's time for my midnight snack? - Hmmm...eight P.M. - Close enough.
ga891008 -- * Oh, mouseeeey! Why don't you come out and see me? * I can see you fine from heeeere * - Get out here, mouse, or I'm coming in after you! Ha! You couldn't even get your fat head through the hole. - Oh, yeah? Well we'll just see! About that,
ga891008 -- gorgonzola lips! - UHNNGGGHHH! ERRRGGHHHH! HUURRRRRRP! - AHA! Now where's you go? POP! - I'm stuck. - What the....?! - I think I've been had.
ga891009 -- Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! - No! It's... WHOP! - SUPER POOKY!
ga891010 -- Pooky makes me feel safer at night... - That's because he's so soft... - He also has a black belt in Karate.
ga891011 -- ZIP GULP! - WHANG! WHAP! - ZIP Pooookeeee!
ga891012 -- - Just right! -
ga891013 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff - PLOP -
ga891014 -- - VERY FUNNY, GARFIELD! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME THINK YOUR TEDDY BEAR CAN SKATE! - Say again?
ga891015 -- This is all part of the joy of having pets. - - - - ZWIP! - - It's all in the wrist.
ga891016 -- Z - Asleep again, Garfield? - Define "again".
ga891017 -- Garfield, have you seen the mousetrap I baited with gouda cheese? Nope. - - OOHK ARRRK EEHHK URRRK
ga891018 -- Jon and I make a great team. - He likes to cook, and I like to eat. - Want some ketchup on that armadillo? - I'm breaking up the act.
ga891019 -- - GOOSH! - Garfield, I put. The water in my food bowl. I know.
ga891020 -- Seeing a magnificient universe such as this makes me feel like an insignificant speck. - How about you, Garfield? You're right. - I think you're an insignificant speck too.
ga891021 -- Delbert's doughnut shop...hello? - YOU WANT DOUGHNUTS? WE GOT CREAM FILLED DOUGHNUTS, CHOCOLATE DOUGHNUTS, JELLY FILLED DOUGHNUTS, HELLO? ANYBODY THERE? CLICK! - I like staying in touch with my loved ones.
ga891022 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff The mighty hunter. - No Lifeguard On Duty. - - - TOO-WHIT WHIT WHIT - BAYEEEEEOOOOOUUU YORBLE YORBLE YORBLE - GREEEEEBELNICK NICK NICK NICK . Hm...it's not working. - Maybe I "nicked' when I should have "greeeebeled".
ga891023 -- Brrr, there's a chill in here this morning. - What an eerie sensation... - This doesn't feel like mxy home. To be continued...
ga891024 -- Jon? Odie? - Anybody home? - I'm alone. You have no idea how alone you are, Garfield.
ga891025 -- Steady, Garfield, there must be a good reason why the house is empty. - Jon must be at the grocery. - For Sale
ga891026 -- My home has been abandoned. No one has lived here for years! - But that means...I haven't lived here for years! - WHAT'S THAT?! -
ga891027 -- Jon! Odie! You're home! Hello, Garfield. Have some food. - - - Locked fast within a time when he no longer exists, Garfield grapples with his greatest fear. ...loneliness.
ga891028 -- After years of taking life for granted, Garfield is shaken by a horrifying vision of the inevitable process called "time". He has only one weapon... - DEnial... I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE - Want some breakfast, Garfield? - Who needs it? I need
ga891028 -- you! - An imagination is a powerful tool. It can tint memories of the past, shade perceptions of the present, or paint a future so vivid that it can entice...or terrify, all depending upon how we conduct ourselves today... End
ga891029 -- SCOOP - SCOOP - YAWN SCOOP - SMACK SMACK - stir stir stir - slook - SPIIIIIIIIT - Mornings.
ga891030 -- Boo - Huh? Boo - Oh...right. Not the scariest ghost movie I've ever seen.
ga891031 -- Guess what, Jon! I can hypnotize myself! - I am getting sleepy! Verrrry sleepy! - Z The Amazing Garfield.
ga891101 -- KICK! Don't worry! I have this flawlessly calculated. - TWANG! See? A 25-foot leash. - Oh yeah...and 2-foot arms.
ga891102 -- Garfield, do you realize I probably saved you from a life of living in the streets? scratch scratch scratch - And now I spoil you rooten. Bless you, Jon. scratch scratch acratch - Now let's get that backside, shall we?
ga891103 -- Thirty days without food or water, lost in the burning desert! I can't last much longer...this is it, men... - SPLOT! GASP...farewell! - Garfield, what are you doing? Dinner theater.
ga891104 -- Next to lasagna, I must have another favorite food. - GULP! - It's a never-ending quest.
ga891105 -- Oh! I see that you've found my rubber mousey. - - SWOOSH - THUD! - Ouch! whimper whimper - poke poke - - Thanks, buddy.
ga891106 -- Hey, Garfield! We're going to the farm today! Well, shut my mouth and paint me red! - Well, shoot the horse and slap me silly! - Now, cut that out. Well, stomp on frogs and shove a crowbar up my nose!
ga891107 -- There are so many great things to do on a farm. - Yup - Eating and leaving come to mind.
ga891108 -- Farms are so dull. - Maybe there's something exciting in here... - AIIIYYYEEEEEE SPLOOSH!
ga891109 -- Come on, Garfield. Dad's gonna take us into town to see the new stoplight. - I've had all the excitement I can stand for the day, thanks. - After this morning's tour of the new indoor plumbing.
ga891110 -- MOM! THERE'S A WHITE MOUSE IN MY ROOM. - DAD! DOC BOY! COME QUICK! - It's white, all right! Must be one of them albinos! They're very rare! These people need a TV.
ga891111 -- Thanks, mom. We really ha- How about taking some food with you? - Wel...maybe just a... DAD! - Hey, Doc Boy! I think that side of beef will fit in the trunk!
ga891112 -- Anything else you'd care to fix, Jon? - - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Hello there, little housefly. - Wait! You're not a housefly! - You're a Zordogian Sun Sponge, sent here to rob the planet earth of all its sunbeams! - But wait! They get their energy
ga891112 -- from the sun! If I close the drapes, I will deprive it of its life-giving sunlight. - ZIP! DIE, SUN SUCKER! - HA HAAA! IT'S ALREADY DISINTEGRATING INTO A HIDEOUS, GREEN, STEAMING GELATINOUS MASS! I hate being left out.
ga891113 -- Gee, I can't seem to wake up this morn... Z - Oh. Z - POP! - Much Better.
ga891114 -- - Tag! You're it! KICK! CRASH! - Dogs certainly are playful!
ga891115 -- The weather today will be partly cloudy with a chance of rain. - If you need me, I'll be out from rotating the tire on my unicycle. - And the owner today will be partly dippy with a chance of stupid.
ga891116 -- BURRRRR - RRRRRRRP! CLICK! - You're disgusting. 43 seconfd! A new record!
ga891117 -- Heeeeey, kids! Wanna see Binky do a magic trick? - Well, forget it! I'm not speding another minute in this supid clown suit! - A am an actor! But, noooo...too short they said!... - Third time this week. He's lost it.
ga891118 -- YAWN - What a great nap. - Maybe a tad long, though.
ga891119 -- Just think, Odie, our lives are in his hands. - THUNK! - This chair isn't level. thunk thunk - That's easy enough to fix. - KACHINK-KACHINK- - KACHINK-KACHINK-KACHINK- - KACHINK-KACHINK-KACHINK- - KACHINK-KACHINK-KACHINK- - GARFIELD!!!
ga891120 -- - CLOMP! -
ga891121 -- - WHOCK! -
ga891122 -- - - YEEEK!
ga891123 -- - WHOMP! - YEEEEK!
ga891124 -- - FWIP FWIP FWIP - YEEEK!
ga891125 -- C'mon down, spider. - Looky, looky, looky!... - Do you like chocolate milk shakes?
ga891126 -- Sigh. - Sure is a quiet, lazy sunday afternoon, isn't it, Garfield? Sure is. - Kinda makes me feel like singin' the blues. - * Ain't got change for a nickel, ain't got laces for my shoes, now my baby's left me... ** ain't got nothin' but the
ga891126 -- blues. * - HEY THERE, GOOD-LOOKIN', I GOT THE BLUES. WANNA CHEER ME UP?! - You?! The blues?! Ha! There you sit in your powder blue Oxford shirt in your own home in a middle-class suburb. You don't know nothin' 'bout the blues! - WELL; EXCUSE
ga891126 -- ME FOR SUCCEEDING!!! It WAS a quiet, lazy sunday afternoon.
ga891127 -- YAWN . Erk! - This is known as "cold-floor shock".
ga891128 -- Garfield, you have no self-control. Oh, yeah? Watch this! - Down, boy! Down! Atta boy! WHOP! - Pathetic. Go to sleep, boy! Good boy!
ga891129 -- Ah, there's my first cup of coffee for the day. - And my first doughnut for the day. - HEY, WHERE'S MY BREAKFAST? And my first joke on Jon for the day.
ga891130 -- My, you're looking pleasant today! - I'm making a conscious effort. - I tied my ears behind my head.
ga891201 -- I have the last of the ice cream, Garfield. Fine. - I'm going to eat it, and you not. Enjoy. - I replaced it with lard.
ga891202 -- This is a flea collar, Garfield. - And do you know what we do with flea collars? - Noooo...guess again.
ga891203 -- I could have sworn I left my secret formula here somewhere. - - - - click Heeey, kids!
ga891204 -- 5-4-3-2-1 - ARRRGH! - The old "cat-hair-in-the-toothbrish" gets him every time.
ga891205 -- Note anything different about me, Garfield? Hmmmm? - Could it be the clown faceI put on you while you were asleep? - I got a new shirt! I guess I'm not very observent.
ga891206 -- No mail again today? - Garfield, have you been harassing the mailman again? Hey, relax. - He'll be back for his pants. You're an animal.
ga891207 -- Garfield, have you seen my striped tie? I can't find it anywhere! - Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wear my polka dot tie instead. - * Now he's a dip coming AND going.
ga891208 -- With dogs it's easy, but it sure is hard to tell your moods, Garfield. Not really. - This is happy. - And this is mad.
ga891209 -- GARFIELD! WAKE UP! Z - Oh, no. I slept in the corner again. - Oh, sure, laugh. And I suppose this has never happened to you?
ga891210 -- Insomnia claims yet another victim. - - BARK! SPLAT! - - SLAP! boink boink boink - - reek reek reek - I saw nothing. BIFF! POW! BAP!
ga891211 -- What do you wanna do today, boys? - - Wanna decorate the tree? That would be nice.
ga891212 -- I'm home with the tree, boys! And I can't put presents under a tree that' not decorated. - WHOOSH - You missed. More the right this time, Odie! And hurry! Time's a wastin'!
ga891213 -- Jon's gonna put my present right there. It's gonna be big and real expensive, and...and... - Hmm...big. - It's gonna be big and...
ga891214 -- - - I haven't bought you a Christmas gift yet, Garfield. - Then how am I supposed to find where you hid it?
ga891215 -- - AH-HA! SWIPE - I still haven't bought your Christmas gift. I knew that.
ga891216 -- I love the Christmas season. - Call me sentimental... - But, the greed just rips at my heartstrings.
ga891217 -- Okay, okay, no more Christmas carols. - My public awaits. jingle jingle jingle - jingle, jingle, jingle - Season's greetings, holiday revelers. How do you get to the north pole? - Why just go to the south pole and head anywhere! - Why do
ga891217 -- Santa's reindeer fly?... It's faster than walking! - How many elves does it take to make a bean bag chair?... Six if you stuff 'em in real tight! - And ho-ho-ho, boy, it's Santa Fat.
ga891218 -- Okay, Garfield, I have finally bought your Christmas present. - I have, however, hidden it. - In a SFAE place.
ga891219 -- - - He'll never find where I hid his Christmas present.
ga891220 -- I'll bet Jon ahid my Christmas present under the couch. - - Nope, not there.
ga891221 -- Odie, you're a dog, right? I want you to track down my Christmas present. Arf! - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff He's hot on the trail now, folks. - Odie, Odie, Odie.
ga891222 -- - You're not even close, Garfield. - Boy, cah that guy hide a Christmas present or what?
ga891223 -- I give up! - I have looked everywhere for my Christmas present... - That sucker is nowhere to be found!
ga891224 -- I feel festive! - - Garfield, what do you really, REALLY, want for Christmas? What I really, REALLY, want is... - ...uh, I guess it's hard to gift wrap sleep, isn't it` - And food, I get food all year 'round. - Got my teddy bear and my bed
ga891224 -- and this house... - - And my friends. - What I really want is a second helping of everything.
ga891225 -- Okay, Garfield, open your gift! - SURPRISE! - It's family! Bearing food! You know what I like!
ga891226 -- I love the holiday season...all the family together, sharing holiday memories. I almost hate to see new year's come. - BOOGIE! BOOGIE! BOOGIE! - And then there are those of us who live for the moment!
ga891227 -- Why aren't you wearing the Christmas present mom made you, Garfield? It looked better on Odie. - - GARFIELD!
ga891228 -- For the new year, I resolve to be more polite to dogs. - KICK! CRASH! - Excuse me!
ga891229 -- I wonder what this next year will hold for me? - I'll probably slip through the year in a half-conscious, sleep-induced state, overeating and being rude to Odie. - Just a wild hunch.
ga891230 -- - HONK! SPOOT! - What are you doing?!! Practicing for tomorrow night!
ga891231 -- You know, Garfield, it's tough being the life of the party. You couldn't be the life of the party at a morgue. - Stand aside, Garfield. There's a wild and crazy new year's party out there with my name on it! Can I go, too? - Now while I'm
ga891231 -- busy being the life of the party, you sit in the corner and do whatever it is cats do. Yes, sir. - Hey, hey! Here comes "Mr. Party Animal"! - Hey, everybody! - Did anybody here order 2000 pepperoni pizzas?! - Who am I? And where did I get
ga891231 -- this rubber chicken? - Water balloons are four o'clock. - I love the way this chip dip squishes between my toes! Hey! Turn down those chain saws! - Are you here for the human sacrifice? We love your cat! Want him?
ga900101 -- Here it is, new year's day. - Time to celebrate, Garfield style! - Z
ga900102 -- DOOF! - Garfield, what made you do that?! - I think it was the earflaps.
ga900103 -- Welcome to "Truth is Stranger Than Fiction Theater". - The following story you are about to see is absolutely true. - Except, of course, for the stuff we made up to make it more interesting. I love television.
ga900104 -- What's new, Garfield? - Well, King Kong is on the roof batting down airplanes. The entire planet is being ravaged by brain-eating aliens... - But more important, my dish is empty.
ga900105 -- Do you want the rest of that cereal? - Garfield, you've just had a dozen doughnuts, six pancakes, a pound of ham and a quart of milk. - So, what's your point?
ga900106 -- Look, Jon! I cleaned my bowl! - I ate every bit of my dinner! Aren't you proud of me? - How about the fact thet I ate your dinner, too? Does that impress you?
ga900107 -- Hey, guys, let's make snow angels. Nah, let's make Odie lick more bumpers. - - - - - - pat pat pat pat pat pat -
ga900108 -- Time for bed! - CRACK! - It's diet time. Rats.
ga900109 -- I have a new diet for you, Garfield. sniff sniff Smells great! - There you go. I can't wait! - Oh no! You can't eat it. Oh no! Not the AROMA diet?!
ga900110 -- - - How goes the diet? Oh...you know.
ga900111 -- For your diet, I expect you to drink 12 glasses of water a day. Got it. - GARFIELD! - What's that slice of pizza doing in your glass?! Pizza?! I thought that was a water spot!
ga900112 -- Diets stink. - Here's your boiled cabbage, Garfield. - I rest my case.
ga900113 -- Hey, c'mon, fella. I'm just a bathroom scale. - I don't do livestock. - EEERRRRRRGGGGG!
ga900114 -- What happened?! Odie was just showing me his impression of a chihuahua. - - - - SHOOF - - - SHOOF - - SHOOF - ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!! I'LL FIX YOUR BREAKFAST!!!
ga900115 -- I've painted eyeballs on my eyelids... - "Why?" You ask? - And when I was three, I remember mom coming out to the chicken coop saying, "Jonny, Jonny, Jonny, where have..."
ga900116 -- Boy, what a great nap! scratch scratch - STRETCH -
ga900117 -- - - I have hair in my ears! I sensed an impending crisis.
ga900118 -- Z - WHIRRRRRRRR - GARFIELD; HAVE YOU SEEN MY PENCIL SHARPENER?
ga900119 -- Life sure was great on the farm, Garfield. Here we go. - Soft summer breezes, golden fields of wheat... - Then, came the locusts. Good, a happy ending.
ga900120 -- Jon thinks he can trap me into going to the vet using a grilled cheese sandwich as bait. - What kind of gluttonous idiot does Jon take me for anyway? - What, no picle?
ga900121 -- The brownie troop strikes again. - Z - - pant pant pant pant - I'm trying to take a nap. Odie. Now scram! pant pant pan - YAWN pant pant pant pant - SLOSH! - I don't know whether to scream or buy a boat.
ga900122 -- tick tick tick tick tick tick tick That ticking is driving me crazy! - shake shake shake - tock tock tock tock tock tock
ga900123 -- - Here, Jon! Have a bon. - Where did you get this?
ga900124 -- Jon, I have good news and bad news. - The bad news is, that Odie got his face stuck in the vacuum cleaner. - The good news is, I think we solved our ant problem.
ga900125 -- - HA! BEAT YOU TO IT! - Uh, Garfield. Would you mind taking your claws out of my hand? Give me a good reason.
ga900126 -- Your dinner, sire. - He's finally learning his place! - I was being sarcastic. Don't ruin the moment for me, Jon.
ga900127 -- - - Is this a new dish, Garfield? Nope, it's your old wading pool.
ga900128 -- Never ask others to help you diet. - - grinka - ? - grinka grinka - grinka grinka grinka grinka grinka - Stupid recliner. - WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
ga900129 -- Forget it, Garfield. C'mon, Jon! - Go on a diet! Please? - I refuse to describe your feet! Just tell me ig they're happy!
ga900130 -- Packing on a little weight there, aren't you, Garfield? - Absolutely not! - And by the way, your TV tray's sitting on my stomach.
ga900131 -- Ah, here it is. - They say wearing vertical stripes makes you look thinner. - Or, in my case, like a water melon.
ga900201 -- I'm too fat. - SCRIK! - Now I'm too tall.
ga900202 -- What a great idea! - I've never looked thinner. -
ga900203 -- Maybe this recliner will press me out thinner... - Hey! It works! - Just call me "Slim Jim".
ga900204 -- Garfield, you wouldn't know what happened to my fern, would you? Who, me? - - Sigh. - Jon's not home... - Odie's taking a nap... Z - And Pooky's being cleaned. - - Sigh.
ga900205 -- YAWN - I wonder what time it is? - Let's see...the big hand is on the floor, and the little handis unde rthe couch in the living room, so...
ga900206 -- Here's something you'll enjoy, Garfield. We'll see. - A beautiful sunset... - And a cookie. You're right.
ga900207 -- - Ever had a night when you just couldn't get comfortable? - So has Jon.
ga900208 -- Look, Garfield, a lion! My great uncle was a lion. - King of the jungle! Yup, he was a big shot. - The mighty hunter... Then, one day, he ate a sick monkey.
ga900209 -- Garfield, there was a pan of lasagna here. - Where's the lasagna? Resting comfortably. - Where's the pan? Resting not so comfortably.
ga900210 -- Garfield! What have I told you about climbing curtains? - I'm not climbing curtains. - I do, however, have a real bad case of static cling.
ga900211 -- Vacancy--> Hungry, Garfield? - - The mighty lion lies in wait... - He spies a herd of eggs over easy! - They become skittish, sensing danger... - HE STRIKES! - The village dam bursts, sending orange juice gushing through the melee! - Can't I
ga900211 -- have a normal breakfast? Sometimes he hears the rustling of toast in the bush!
ga900212 -- Okay, heads I watch TV, tails I stay in bed. ting! - - HEYYYY! Kids!
ga900213 -- I'm helping Jon with the housecleaning. - Here, Jon. I cleaned the candy out of the box. - Now I'll see if there's anything cluttering up the cookie jar.
ga900214 -- - Nobdy can relax like you, Garfield. How do you do it? -Slipping while swinging from the light fixture halps.
ga900215 -- - - I'm being ignored.
ga900216 -- May I have a lock of your hair? - SNIP! - I'll keep it as a memento of how stupid you look right now.
ga900217 -- A funny thing happened to me on my way to the fence tonight. - -
ga900218 -- Z - Z - POINK! - STRRRETCH - - SNERK! - PLOP! - Z False start.
ga900219 -- I only know two things about life... - I love my teddy bear and my teddy bear loves me. - Simple truths are the most profound truths.
ga900220 -- - -
ga900921 -- Here you goo, Pooky. - Hang on tight, now. - Sniff, they grow up so fast.
ga900922 -- Wanna go jogging? I'm busy. - Honestly, Garfield. I have the feeling you think more of that teddy bear than you do of me! - Pay no attention to ol' what's-his-name, Pookie.
ga900923 -- - - Gave your bear a bath? How'd you guess?
ga900924 -- Why is that teddy bear of mine always getting lost? Why can't I ever find him? - POOOOOOOO-KY! - And why am I cupping my hands over my mouth?
ga900225 -- Plastic birdbaths require a less direct approach. - - - PHOOT! - - - PHOOT! - -
ga900226 -- Oh, Garfield! Breakfast! - CRACK! CRACK! - You wouldn't perchance, know who nailed my blanket to my bed, would you? snick snick snick snick
ga900227 -- Odie - GULP -
ga900928 -- Stop, Vermin. Eek. - You'll never escape. Help, help. - One of the great chase scenes. Z z
ga900301 -- What are those, mommy? - Well, the cute one is a cat, and...uh, the other one appears to be some kind of fat weasel or something. - Are you going to let her talk about you like that?
ga900302 -- I adore you! I worship you! I love you more than life itself! I can't live without you! - Uh...Garfield? Yes? - Why are you talking to my popsicle?
ga900303 -- Some flowers for you, my dear. - Gee, I'll bet they used to be lovely. - And tasty too.
ga900304 -- I'll just have a drumstick. - digga digga digga digga digga - digga digga digga digga digga - digga digga digga digga - digga digga - digga digga digga digga digga - Uh, Odie. DIGGA DIGGA DIGGA DIGGA DIGGA
ga900305 -- Garfield, life is like a festival. - You have to get out there and enjoy it! That's what my uncle Arno said. - You're not moving. He was run over a parade.
ga900306 -- What a beautiful day! - A day that says, "come outside and enjoy me!" - I prefer a day that says, "stay inside, relax, watch some TV, grab a nap."
ga900307 -- I'm depressed, Garfield. - And do you know what I do when I'm depressed? - I play the BONGOS! Now I'M depressed.
ga900308 -- I'm bored. - - Wanna look at my tongue and guess what I've been eating? Go away.
ga900309 -- - - Thanks.
ga900310 -- - FOOF - And the crowd goes wild.
ga900311 -- Keep flapping, Odie. We want all the little birdies to feel welcome. - cheep cheep cheep - cheep cheep cheep - - - Hee hee - HA HA! HAAAA - Enjoy yourself outside, Garfield? I thought I'd die landing.
ga900312 -- - In case you didn't notice, I just chased a mouse through here! - Bravo. clap clap clap
ga900313 -- - Odie and I are going to play on the roof. - Roller skates?! Look out below!
ga900314 -- I'm turning the tables on Garfield. I'm stealing HIS dinner. - I HAVE GARFIELD'S FOOD! I HAVE GARFIELD'S FOOD! - What's all the commotion about?
ga900315 -- Ever notice how other cats scamper around, Garfield? - YOu never scamper. - You sort of ooze. I have bad knees.
ga900316 -- I've lengthened my name... - And I do believe it will serve me well. - Garfield Horatiq III, Esq. Embellished our name, did we? Fill 'er up!
ga900317 -- We're going to the lake, Garfield! I hate the lake. - Boating! Last time I ate a toad. - Fishing! - Came back with the tongue warts
ga900318 -- Now this is my kind of refrigerator magnet. - Z - Hmmm, the stare'im-in-the-face-till-he-wakes-up-routine isn't working. Z - Z WHAP WHAP WHAP And the slap'im-silly-with-the-tail routine isn't either. - Z It's time to call in the heavy
ga900318 -- artillery. - Oh, Odie! - You know what to do, boy. - Yes, it's the cold-nose-in-the-middle-of-the-back routine.
ga900319 -- Yeeuck! A spider! - This can of bug spray ought to do the trick. - KRONG KRONG KRONG
ga900320 -- Do you realize I'm your best friend, Garfield? - OH, NO! - What happened to the pizza delivery boy?!
ga900321 -- Ha ha! You look like an Eskimo, Garfield. - - GET OUT OF THE FREEZER!
ga900322 -- Garfield, have you seen my shoes? Many times. - And, by the way... - Have you seen my new flowerpots?
ga900323 -- Garfield, you eat enough to eat three cats. - I know, Jon, and I'm so ashamed. - Now be a good boy and fetch dessert. I'm glad we had this talk.
ga900324 -- Fascinating. - You know, Garfield, people should read more books. - I thought so.
ga900325 -- Hold this for a minute. - sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff - -
ga900326 -- Good evening, ladies and germs. - SPLAT! - CRASH! Now you've done it!
ga900327 -- tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - SPLAT! - tappity tappity tappity
ga900328 -- - SPLUT! - "Swap Pie". CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
ga900329 -- tappity tappity tappity - reeeek - SPLAT!
ga900330 -- tappity tappity tappity tappity Pkay, bring it home, Garfield! tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - - That's it for tonight, folks.
ga900331 -- tappity tappity tappity - SHUNK! -
ga900401 -- HEY! Yeah, you! The one sitting there reading this paper. GOT ANYTHING TO EAT? - sniff sniff - Oh-ho! What's that? - Looks like a bowl of food for me. - And Jon's nowhere around... - Looks like I'll have to serve myself. - TUG - Couldn't
ga900401 -- wait, could you? tap tap tap
ga900402 -- Look Garfield. I've had my portrait done! - - I'll get the darts.
ga900403 -- Should I tell Jon there's a spider crawling up his leg? - Should I tell Jon there's a spider crawling up his shirt? - YAAAAAAH! I guess that little dilemma took care of itself.
ga900404 -- Whew! Boy, I ate too much. Know what I mean? - - NO, I guess you wouldn't. Aren't you going to lick your plate?
ga900405 -- What's new, Garfield? I'm teaching Odie to fly. - THUD! - Homework.
ga900406 -- I've carved this lovely statue. - Using only my claws. - And the sofa.
ga900407 -- Here, Garfield! - Good boy! You came when I called! - Are you talking to me?
ga900408 -- Now, there's a face that would make even a mother scream. - coo-coo coo-coo - Garfield, I could sit here and pet you all evening. - But it's almost seven and I have to get ready for my date. You'll have to get down now. I like it here. -
ga900408 -- C'mon, Garfield! She'll be here any minute! Get down! But I'm warm and cozy! - DING * DONG! Oh, great! There she is now! Garfield, get DOWN! - OW! HEY! NO CLAWS! STOP THAT! DOWN! DOWN! GET OFF! OW! STOPPIT! - My, don't you look lovely this
ga900408 -- evening.
ga900409 -- You know, we're both getting pretty porky lately, Garfield. Oink oink - I think we should diet together. Diet together by yourself. - After all, "misery loves company". Is your family coming for a visit?
ga900410 -- - Garfield, we're on a diet. Leave Odie's food alone! -
ga900411 -- growll - ROAARR - Dueling diets. I won.
ga900412 -- - - AHA! AHA!
ga900413 -- Not enough to eat, Garfield? - Let me take care of that. -
ga900414 -- Garfield, this diet is one of the healthiest we've ever been on. - It only lacks one thing. - Food. I concur.
ga900415 -- I'm suddenly feeling very sympathetic to cantaloupes. - Z - Garfield, breakfast! Z - - SLURP - SHOOF! Take that stupid blanket off! - - SLURP
ga900416 -- Garfield will get a kick out of this apron! Kiss The Cook - Oh, Garfield! - Never mind. Feed The Cat. What?
ga900417 -- Good morning, Garfield. - GOOD MORNING! - You gotta cut down. YES, THANKS! I WILL HAVE AN 11TH CUP OF COFFEE!
ga900418 -- Poor Jon. - He was hoping to win a marathon... - But he passed out lacing his shoes.
ga900419 -- I sent Garfield out for the day. - Maybe this will get his mind off food for a change. - Big cupcake spill on the highway! Figures.
ga900420 -- You know, Garfield, sometimes I think my life has been a failure. - ...that I'm a loser and a bore. - But, then I get out my lint collection and I know it's been worth it. Z
ga900421 -- Viewers, are you lethargic? - Let us help you. No thanks. - I wrote the book of lethargy.
ga900422 -- SEE The World's Fattest Cat Tickets I'd be very upset about this if I weren't getting 10% of the gate. - - Jon says I'm not pulling my weight around here. - - So there are a few mice around. Big deal. - - And one or two squirrels, so what? -
ga900422 -- I think the armadillo herd pushed him over the edge.
ga900423 -- My old school chum is coming to visit, Garfield. - * DING DONG ** There he is now! - Wheezer! Carp face! I'll find a motel.
ga900424 -- Wheezer this is my cat, Garfield. - Looks just like you, carp face! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! - BOOGA! BOOGA! BOOGA! HONK! HONK! This is going to be a long week.
ga900425 -- Here we are in biology class. Yeah. - Remember dissecting those frogs. Yeah. - And I put that lung down your shirt? Yeah! Hey! Hey! I'm eating here!
ga900426 -- Here we are at the prom. - Yeah, too bad we couldn't find dates. - That strapless chiffon gown was you. Do you think the tiara was too much? I think I've heard enough.
ga900427 -- Hey, Garfield, here's your owner's senior picture. Uh... - Jon Arbuckle "Carpface" - This explains a lot.
ga900428 -- Hey, carp face, remember the reptile? That dance we used to do on the floor? What a hoot! Let's do it! - * Yeah, let's do the reptile ** The ** Rep-rep-rep-rep-reptile. - I can't get up. Neither can I- And they say you can't go back.
ga900429 -- Grrrr I'm glad I'm near the sink. - Boy, that was fun. - Thanks for coming to visit, Wheezer. Yeah, it was great catching up old school days. - Well so long...and HONK! HONK! HONK! - BOOGA! BOOGA! BOOGA! - WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP! slap slap slap
ga900429 -- YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! - WHEEDIE! WHEEDIE! WHEEDIE! OOGA! OOGA! OOGA! - NYAHH! NYAHH! NYAHH! HOOGIE! HOOGIE! HOOGIE! I hate long goodbyes.
ga900430 -- Oh, silly me. - It must be one of those mornings. - What worries me is that JON isn't worried.
ga900501 -- I worry when Jon goes out. - - I worry he'll come home.
ga900502 -- Garfield, do not eat my doughnut. - - Your lips said "no", but your eyes said "yes".
ga900503 -- Huh?! What's that noise? - CLICK! Sounds like it's comingfrom the kitchen. - Now when did I get that ugly centerpiece? ice cream
ga900504 -- Kinda gloomy out there this morning isn't it, Garfield? - Well, not to worry, I have an antidote! - Good morning, sunshine! The sad part is, he was up all night making these.
ga900505 -- Jon loves the works on his hamburger. - It has lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, mustard, catsup, onions, cheese, - and I have the meat.
ga900506 -- tap tap Nobody here but us crumbs. - - Hmmm...needs a little salt. - - -
ga900507 -- Z - Z Amateurs. - Z
ga900508 -- BOO! BOO! BOO! Sure, "boo" my jokes. I'm only doing this for my mother. - My dear, sweet mother, "make 'em laugh, sonny," she used to say. - GET HIS MOTHER! YEAH! Tough crowd.
ga900509 -- There's something special about getting mail, Garfield. - It's nice to know someone's thinking of you. - Dear deadbeat, send a payment or I'll repossess your teeth. From your brother! How sweet!
ga900510 -- Good evening, Monsieur. - For your pleasure, I have prepared dinner. - And, for your convenience, I have eaten it.
ga900511 -- I'm going to get some honey as soon as I clear these bees out of here. - Fore which I have a plan. - Okay, Odie. Make a sound like a daisy.
ga900512 -- Garfield, that's a silly hat. - But, then, you ARE eccentric. - Cunning, too.
ga900513 -- I hear the mailmen are really biting around these parts. - - - ZWIP! YAAH! - WHAM! - - YEEK! - YEOW! WHAM! WOOAAH! WHAM! ARRGH! WHAM! WHAM! Ah, bananas are sure good for you.
ga900514 -- - - You gotta make your own fun.
ga900515 -- Yes! It's I, Banana Man! Here to bring humor to the world! - Just spread a few peels around... - And, voila! Instant fun!
ga900516 -- Why, just look at that gloomy face! - Fear not! Banana Man is here to help! - Why...why thank you, Banana Man. I feel better already!
ga900517 -- Yikes! Another dreary, listless soul in need of assistance. - From...Banana Man! - Moo?
ga900518 -- SPLAT! - Garfield, you're carrying this banana ting too far! - Thmile when you thay that!
ga900519 -- Garfield! I'm sick of your stupid "Banana Man" routine! Now find something else to do! - - Hi! I'm the Chicken Man, here to entertain you!
ga900520 -- - - YAAAAAHHHH!!! - - - NOW what are you doing? - I always floss between mailmen.
ga900521 -- Time to water the ol' lawn. wind wind wind - YANK! - GARFIELD!!! WHIRRRR
ga900522 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff ? - sniff sniff sniff sniff -
ga900523 -- Cats are always up to something... - Sneaking around the house, chasing rubber balls... - Learning to use the can opener! My life has new meaning!
ga900524 -- And so as the sun gently sets... - We pack up our memories... - And bid farewell to our first annual cheese festival.
ga900525 -- Well, partner, that was the last bean. - Yup, looks like we'll have to eat the cat. - I'll ge the taco shells. Boy, are they going to get a nasty letter.
ga900526 -- - TONK TONK TONK Ahhhh. - TONK TONK TONK Tonk tonk tonk?
ga900527 -- GARFIELD! - Sigh - Look at me, Garfield. I look awful. No you don't. - What if you got a face-lift? - And a tummy tuck. BOOF! - And didn't slouch. - And loosened up. - NOW you look awful.
ga900528 -- You don't look to well today, Garfield. I feel fine. Leave me alone. - Let me see your tongue. No way! - Okay, then, it's off to the vet. Wait! Wait! Here it is!
ga900529 -- How about a date, doc? I'll think about it after I wheel your cart over to x-ray. - CRASH - Tables with wheels! What won't they think of next?! I've thoight about it...the answer is "no".
ga900530 -- "Have a cup of coffee, Jon." Why, thanks, don't mind if I do. - Congratulations, Mr. Arbuckle. - You are going to give birth to a fine, healthy litter of puppies. I hate puppies!
ga900531 -- You have the most bewitching eyes... - They cast a spell on me. Well, it's not working. - How come? You're not a SLUG yet.
ga900601 -- Ss, doc, how is my cat? He'll live. - And how are my chances of getting a date? - I'm afraid THEY'RE terminal.
ga900602 -- Last chance, doc. Will you go out with me? - What the heck. Okay. - REALLY?! Looks like your cat will be needing a house call anyway.
ga900603 -- tick tick tick tick - tick tick tick tick This clock is driving me nuts! - tick tick tick tick tick I think I'll move it. - To Jon's underwear drawer. tick tick tick - Z - Wake up, Garfield! It's almost... - BRRIIIINNNGG * ** Seven o'clock?
ga900604 -- * Got a date with my dream chick. She is cure and that's just a start. - * Oh, yeah, she's a vet, and better yet she'll make a house call on my heart. ** * - * Doo wop doo wop You are witnessing a phenomenon known ad the mating ritual of the
ga900604 -- nerd.
ga900605 -- The secret to imressing a date is not appearing to be eager. Notice how calm and cool I am. - * DING DONG ** Shae's here! - WHAP! Sigh.
ga900606 -- Hey, how about that weather? Reckon it'll rain, I suppose...if not, it won't...nope...nope. - Relay, Jon. I guess I am a little chatty, aren't I? I'll quiet down. - Plus, I just ran out of subject matter.
ga900607 -- I have the uneasy feeling that your cat is going to show up. Nonsense, my dear. - This is a class restaurant. - You're overestimating Garfield.
ga900608 -- The plate is hot, monsieur. Thanks, Shorty. - YAAAH! THIS PLATE IS HOT! THE FOOD'S GOING DOWN MY SHIRT! - HOT! HOT! HOT! I'll dirve you home.
ga900609 -- Well, here we are at the front door, Liz. - - SPLAT! Uh, come in.
ga900610 -- Jon, how did you know that rocky road pistachio bubble gum sherbet topped with butter pecan candy coating was my favorite ice cream? - - YUK! - - BOK! TOK! - POK! - HURK! MMMMM! YUK!
ga900611 -- How is a monday morning different from other mornings? - BLUT! - Other mornings, I would have peanut buttered the bread AFTER I toasted it.
ga900612 -- It's good to get away now and then. - To rise above the hubbub and have time alone with your thoughts. - Hi, guy! What are you doing up here?
ga900613 -- Look, Garfield! A kitty treat! - Oh boy! Oh boy! A kitty treat! Ha-ha! Boy howdy. I'm going crazy here. - Don't strain yourself! You want I should burst into flame?
ga900614 -- Odie, do you think I'm fat? - - Slobber once for "yes," twice for "no".
ga900615 -- - -
ga900616 -- How was your tennis date with Gloria? - PTOOEY - She had a pretty good serve.
ga900617 -- Venetian drapes. - - - - - - - Garfield, I'm home! Jon's not going to like this.
ga900618 -- Well, I'm getting ready to celebrate another birthday. - Another year down the road of life... - SWIPE! Another notch in the ol' easy chair.
ga900619 -- - - HAPPY BIRTHDAY; GARFIELD! CLICK Do these guys know me, or do these guys know me?
ga900620 -- - - I am personally looking forward to colder weather.
ga900621 -- Hark! A sad face! - Banana Man on the rescue! -
ga900622 -- squirt squirt squrt - sniff sniff - Okay! What are oil and vinegar doing in my sprayer? The bleu cheese was too chunky.
ga900623 -- Let's see which one of us can keep his eyes closed the longest! - Boy, this is some fun, huh? - You bet.
ga900624 -- Z - Z - Z ZZZ zff ZZZ zff ZZZ zff - * DING DONG - * DING DONG - YAAAHH! - While you're down here, how about filling my dish?
ga900625 -- Here, boys. Take my straw hat and blanket. - Let's hit the beach! -
ga900626 -- Rats. - Garfield, have you seen my banana-coconut cream suntan lotion? - Suntan lotion?
ga900627 -- Look, Garfield. - If you put a seashell to your ear, you can hear the ocean roar. - SNAP! YAAAHH! Not if it's a hermit crab shell.
ga900628 -- Hey, hey. - That's quite a sand castle, Garfield. - By the way, where's Odie?
ga900629 -- Hey, Garfield! Spread out the blanket, set out lunch, turn the radio on... - And set up the umbrella! - CHONK!
ga900630 -- Ahh...I guess the beach isn't so bad. - SLOOSH! - It's worse.
ga900701 -- Oh, Garfield. - Garfield, I'm going to teach you self-control. - This is a box of kitty treats... - Do not take the kitty treats. - I'm leaving the room now. You are not to take the kitty treats. - Okay! I'm coming back to it now! The kitty
ga900701 -- treats had better be there! -
ga900702 -- You didn't eat your vegetables. What are you going to do? Tell my mother! - I think I will. - Look! I'm eating 'em! I'm eating 'em! Tell her he ate his dessert first!
ga900703 -- Cookie time! - Jon's so easy to fool. - Liver Ordinarily.
ga900704 -- - Was that an eclipse? - Oh, it was just Garfield walking past the window. Shaddup.
ga900705 -- It's impossible not to enjoy the playful nature of a cat. - Hey, Garfield. Let's have some fun! - Do you have an appointment?
ga900706 -- I CONFESS! - I'VE BEEN PLOTTING TO STEAL YOUR CANDY BAR! - That's a lot of the ol' conscience.
ga900707 -- - The secret to catching birds is patience. - Uh...Garfield. shhh!
ga900708 -- - THE SINK'S OVERLFOWING! Well bail it out. - YOU CLOGGED IT UP WITH YOUR STUPID CAT HAIR! Excuse me for being a cat. - I don'thave to take this. - I'm going to stand out here, in the rain, till Jon apologizes. - - CLICK Ah, he's come to his
ga900708 -- senses. - GOOSH
ga900709 -- HANDS OFF! - - FEET OFF! Make up your mind!
ga900710 -- That pretty girl is looking at you, Jon. - Steady, boy. - Cracked like an egg.
ga900711 -- Here, Garfield. You may have a morsel of my food. - You touched that one. I'll ge tmy own. - That's not a morsel! That's a glob! Must we argue semantics here?
ga900712 -- CLICK - GARFIELD! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?! - What makes you think I've been up to something? Beware Of Dog
ga900713 -- Silly break. - WOO! WOO! -
ga900714 -- Sigh - If you're bored, Garfield. you should get a hobby. - Being bored IS my hobby.
ga900715 -- - PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT - PATTA PATTA PATTA - WRRMMM! - - PING! - Wha?! What happened? You blinked.
ga900716 -- Guess what, Garfield? We're going to the farm today! Fine. - Excuse me while I dress appropriately. - * If I only had a brain ** STOP THAT!
ga900717 -- Don't you get a little bored here on the farm, Doc Boy? No way! - Now be quiet. We're missing the show. - There goes the red sock again!
ga900718 -- What kind of dog is that, Jon? Well, dad...he's, uh... - I have a hunch. What's that? - Wortless.
ga900719 -- There's old man yarber, Garfie(l)d. - He neverquite got the hang of modern farming methods. - The man's whipping a tractor! GIDDYAP THERE!
ga900720 -- Come sit on your mother's lap, Jonny. pat pat pat Aw, mom, I'm too big for that. - Nonsense! You're still my little boy. Now come on... pat pat Oh, okay. - Am I too heavy fo you, Mom? ...mom?
ga900721 -- Is that a gorgeous sunset or what, Garfield? I'd give it an "or what". - - Can we change the channel now?
ga900722 -- Z - BRRINNG! - SMASH! - TWIST TWIST MANGLE MANGLE MANGLE - Z stagger stagger Cough..gasp - Z TROMP TROMP TROMP TROMP TROMP TROMP - BRRIIINNG!!! - z
ga900723 -- It's ninety degrees, Garfield, and people are dying out there. - But not me, Garfield. And do you know why? - Because I'm wearing wet socks! This man needs a hobby.
ga900724 -- We lead the dullest lives. - How dull, you ask? - Hey, look, Garfield! A seed in a a seedless grape! Don't ask.
ga900725 -- WHAT A DISASTER! CHOCOLATE SYRUP AND NO ICE CREAM! - - Okay, so it's not a disaster.
ga900726 -- What do you think of my new curtains, Garfield? They're pre-shredded so there's nothing you can do to them! - - Ha! Ruined them!
ga900727 -- Guess what, Garfield? - Your life is hopelessly pointless? - I think my bunny slippers are in love! I stand corrected.
ga900728 -- Did you know you can harm planty by talking to them? - Observe. Then I got into stamp collecting. I liked to stick them to my forehead... - I had red ones, and green ones, and blue ones, and pink ones... Not a pretty sight.
ga900729 -- DING DONG * - The mailman's here. Good, I haven't had a bite in weeks. - Garfield, meet my new assistant, Waldo. - Waldo, what is this? CAT! - And what does Waldo do with cats? JUMP ON! - And do you know why? MAKE FUNNY NOISE! - Any mail? No,
ga900729 -- and I need a ride to the airport.
ga900730 -- Killer bee! - SMASH BAM! CRASH! WHAM! CRUNCH! - No need to thank me, Jon. That's a fly!
ga900731 -- Here, Garfield. Would you like to play with this ball of yarn? - Sure. - Your move.
ga900801 -- Enjoying dinner, Garfield? You bet. - I love lasagna. - How's your tuna and liver?
ga900802 -- This is mine, that is yours. - Do you have that? No. - But, the instant you avert your attention, I will.
ga900803 -- Let's see. What should I wear today? My sweat socks? My polyester socks? Or my shredded socks? - My shredded socks? - GARFIELD! I was hoping he'd never get to the bottom of the drawer.
ga900804 -- There's a toy in every box of this cereal. - CRASH! - Milk?
ga900805 -- Jon GARFIELD - - YAWN - Time for bed. - What th-?! Z - Okay, Odie. Come out and face the music! poke poke - Cut it out. I'm trying to get some sleep here. - Score one for the big guy.
ga900806 -- Impressions - - Mona Lisa
ga900807 -- Impressions - - A turtle!
ga900808 -- - - What the...? Moth on a windshield.
ga900809 -- Impressions - - Swiss army knife.
ga900810 -- Hood ornament - You know, Garfield... Rat in a mousetrap. - I'm getting tired of your stupid impressions. Okay, then, let's listen to the RADIO.
ga900811 -- - A motor boat. - B-B-B-B-B-B
ga900812 -- GARFIELD! - - Time for your brushing, Garfield. - Come here! - Now hold still! - brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush - - DOC! YOU GOTTA HELP MY CAT!
ga900813 -- You're worthless, Garfield. - Nothing will ever become of you lying here like that. - HEY! HEY! MICHELANGELO PAINTED THE SISTINE CHAPEL LIKE THIS, FELLA!
ga900814 -- What's this? You want me to read you a bedtime story? - Oh, very well. - "Chop up a small onion and saute until tender, then add sliced mushrooms..."
ga900815 -- I just glued Odie to the wall. - I also coated him with honey and stuck his head in a pickle jar. - Ge, ,I hop that didn't sound like bragging.
ga900816 -- Family outings are very important. - They're fun and they bring us closer together. - Right, boys? I wanna be disowned.
ga900817 -- We didn't get any mail today. - Sure we did. - In fact, we got everybody's.
ga900818 -- And so ends another day. - Another day in which I accomplished exactly nothing. - Another flawlwss day.
ga900819 -- - What an awful show. - There has to be something better on than this! ...where's that remote control? - Umffff - Eeerrrgggh - NNNGGGHHHH - - Actually, it isn't THAT awful.
ga900820 -- Taking Odie for a walk, Garfield? Uh-huh. - - Is he aware of it?
ga900821 -- Here! Take my dinner! You'll end up stealing it anyway! - No, Jon, I don't want you to give me your food. - CHONK! NOW I'll steal it!
ga900822 -- SNARF CHOMP CHOMP GOBBLE GOBBLE CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP - SNORT CHOMP GOBBLE CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH SNARF SNARF -
ga900823 -- Garfield, when I think of the expens of keeping you around, do you know what I should do? - Feed me. - Relly...I mean feed me. We can talk about your silly problem later.
ga900824 -- Just a little something to show how I feel about you, Odie! - I want to remember this moment. CLICK! - Now, don't open it until I get out of the house.
ga900825 -- Cat Food - - Empty. Does this mean you're not going to feed me?
ga900826 -- * - Hey, what happened to the six cases of soda pop I had in... - ...here - YAAAHHH! - ODIE! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! - BURRRRRP
ga900827 -- I'm going to sleep now! BANG! BANG! BANG! - I'm going to sleep! I'm going to sleep! - Z Certainly a big occasion around this house.
ga900828 -- - - Checking for a pulse. I hate that.
ga900829 -- Sometimes I wish I could sleep all day like you, Garfield. - Never having a care in the world. Oh. I have pleanty to worry about. - LIKE LOSING SLEEP FOR INSTANCE!
ga900830 -- I have a job for you, Garfield. - - You are now my paperweight. When's coffee break?
ga900831 -- YAWN - Was I just getting up, or just going to bed? - Better safe than sorry.
ga900901 -- YAWN - UNNNGH! - Oh no! I've taken root!
ga900902 -- And now...inn-tro-ducing... Garfield, The Amazing!!! - TAH-DAHHHH! - - ...nothing up my supper dish... sniff sniff - TAP TAP TAP - -
ga900903 -- I hate monday. - Oh, well, it's nearly over and I'm still here. - It says here that lasagna causes warts. Shoot me.
ga900904 -- - SCHLIP! - Oh, Jon.
ga900905 -- This is twice the weight I've ever lifted. - Won't this be exciting? You bet. - HUP! UNNNNNGGG I've never ridden in an ambulance before.
ga900906 -- - GULP! - My compliments to the can opener.
ga900907 -- Hmm - SNIP SNIP - Coupon for cat food.
ga900908 -- Guess how many ball bearings fit in your socks? - RIIIP! - That many.
ga900909 -- - A spider! - CLOP! - - - WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM - Where did it go? YAAAHHH!
ga900910 -- Garfield! Dinner is... ZIP! - NOT SERVED! HA HA HA HA! - How humoresque
ga900911 -- Z - JON! JON! - WHA! HUH?! Would it disturb your sleep if I woke you up?
ga900912 -- Hello? Yes, this is Jon Arbuckle. The police? You say vegetation is dying? Crops are ruined? People are dropping in the streets? - Well, yes, I did. Yes, sir, I will...right away. - I have to put my shoes back on. That explains the peeling
ga900912 -- wallpaper.
ga900913 -- YAWN scratch scratch - I am not a morning person. - Good afternoon, Garfield. See?
ga900914 -- Watch me Jon scare with this rubber spider. - YAAH! - A RUBBER SPIDER! Rats. I didn't fool him.
ga900915 -- Are you boys going to help me paint? Sure! - GARFIELD! - Did I miss a spot?
ga900916 -- Z - KLUNK! - Fall out of bed again, Garfield? This is really embarrassing. - Hang on a minute...I may have a solution. - There we go. My belt ought to keep you from falling out again. - CRASH! - Fall out of your pants again, Jon? This is
ga900916 -- really embarrassing.
ga900917 -- Which would you rather do, Garfield, go to the farm, or go camping? - - Would having something amputated be a choice?
ga900918 -- Boy, it's cold! I can hardly wait to try out my new electric socks! - Where'd they go?! - Nothing like a hot sock of coffee in the morning, huh, Odie? slook
ga900919 -- What do you think of my new tent, Garfield? O got it on sale. - GOOSH! - Such a deal.
ga900920 -- - - shake shake shake YAAAH!
ga900921 -- Quite a little rainstorm we had last night, eh, boys? - Gee, I hope none of the food got wet. - Saltine?
ga900922 -- This rain is never going to stop. Let's pack up and go home. - That's it! Let's go! - SLAM!
ga900923 -- sniff Bless you. - Z - Z - BARK! - SPLAT! Z - Z - BARK! Z - Z - BARK! BOOT!
ga900924 -- - CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! - Time to eat? CLOMP! CLOMP! Time to eat. CLOMP!
ga900925 -- Garfield, you're not supposed to drink coffee with a straw! - Garfield?...Garfield? - Yes?
ga900926 -- ARR! ARR! ARR! No sweat. - Dogs are too stupid to climb trees. - CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP
ga900927 -- Log date: 2254. Captain Garfield wanders through the galaxy. - Searching for new and weird life forms. - Good morning, Garfield. Short trip.
ga900928 -- PUNT! - FOOF! - plplplplpl
ga900929 -- This is the last cup of coffee in the house. - Claws on a chalkboard! - And you may have it. Why, thank you!
ga900930 -- Z - GARFIELD, BREAKFAST! Z - boing boing boing - - doinga doinga doinga doinga doinga boing - doinga doinga doinga doinga doinga doinga - You could stand to skip a meal, Mr. Doinga Doinga. doinga doinga doinga doinga doinga Rats.
ga901001 -- Garfield, you should takebetter care of yourself. I do! This body is a temple! - - With a two-car garage.
ga901002 -- Garfield... - I really think you should diet this week. Fine. - And I relly think you should jump naked into a swimming pool of wolverines.
ga901003 -- Looks good, doesn't it? RRRIP! - Looked better than it tasted.
ga901004 -- Gimme that. - BZZZZZZZZ - Weigh less? A little bit.
ga901005 -- - -
ga901006 -- You're fat. - Your finger is fat too. - Even your whisker is fat. Gimme a break.
ga901007 -- - - BOY, ARE YOU FAT! - hee hee hee - - - klunk klunk klunk klunk - YEEEOOW!
ga901008 -- - - And I used to hate getting up in the morning. crunch crunch crunch
ga901009 -- I love observing spiders. - WHAP! - They're easier to observe if they're standing still.
ga901010 -- - -
ga901011 -- C'mon, Garfield. - Suck that stomach in. - Much better.
ga901012 -- I've taught Odie a new trick. - POOMP! Down, boy! - Good boy!
ga901013 -- here's a photo of my dad. - "A good farmer has a sense of humor," he always says. - That explains the corncob in his ear.
ga901014 -- Z - Z - BOOT! - Z - - FWING! -
ga901015 -- POOMP! - - Is it just me? Or is everybody in a bad mood today?
ga901016 -- Uh-oh, here comes the scout. - Here comes the army. - And there goes the chuck wagon.
ga901017 -- - - GARFIELD! Stupid claws.
ga901018 -- Here I sit, wasting time watching television. - While others are buckling down, working hard and getting things done. -
ga901019 -- - - I'm more bored than you are. Are not!
ga901020 -- BRRING! - tick tick tick tick tick - YAAAHHHH! tick tick tick tick tick Terra Del Fuego
ga901021 -- Z - Z - doink doink - fling! - Z - doink doink doink - FLING! - doink doink - FLING!
ga901022 -- Here, Jon, hold this rope. - Take it away, boys! - Thanks, boys!
ga901023 -- Look, Jon! I tied all your socks together, dipped them in flour paste and made this neat ornamental stick. - GARFIELD! - Now would probably not be the best time to show him the underwear collage.
ga901024 -- Sigh. - This is my "low energy" time of the day. - The time I'm awake.
ga901025 -- SLORRREERRR - RK-K-K-SLOR-SLOB SLOR-SLOB - ALL RIGHT! I DO BELIEVE YOU HAVE HIT THE BOTTOM!
ga901026 -- Any ideas where these cookies went? - Well?! - FOR A CAT WHO WALKS ON HIS HIND LEGS, YOU DON'T TALK MUCH!
ga901027 -- Sigh... - Only you, Garfield... - Only you could give a tire swing a flat. Maybe it had a slow leak.
ga901028 -- - Got my ladder. Got my bungee cord. Got my spider costume. - Wait'll I dangle in front of the mailman, he will freak out! - Here he comes! - SPLAT! * - I think we all saw that coming.
ga901029 -- Would you like another cup of coffee, Garfield? - Don't mind if I do. -
ga901030 -- Each glass contains a different amount of water, thusly causing it to emit a different pitch when tapped. - SMASH SMASH CRASH KSSHH KSSHHH tinkle tinkle tinkle - "Beethoven's Fifth"
ga901031 -- Would you like a sip of my soda pop, Garfield? Sure. - SIP! - You call that a sip? One man's sip is another man's chug.
ga901101 -- - - Z
ga901102 -- GULP SLURP GOBBLE GOBBLE SNORT GULP - Sorry, Garfield, I won't give you seconds. - Then give me the FIRSTS again!
ga901103 -- Go away. - Great. - Now I'll never find my gum.
ga901104 -- - Okay, Odie, this time you're going clear through the ceiling! - ...clear to the moon! - ...the heck with the moon...clear into outer space! - - AAARRRGGGHHH!
ga901105 -- This was my great-great-grandmother, Garfield. - She was a mule skinner. - Things were tough back then. That explains her live coyote blouse.
ga901106 -- Take A Number - 11 - Number twelve?
ga901107 -- BOY, it's cold in here! - Better turn the heat on. CLICK -
ga901108 -- Water balloon in the pants! - SPLOIT! - My work here is done.
ga901109 -- Ellen, I'm Jon, your blind date tonight. - Tell you something about myself? - Well, last week I had my picture taken on a pony! I think I hear her weeping.
ga901110 -- Well, Garfield, we have the whole day ahead of us. - We can go for a walk. I'll pass. - Or we can sit here and eat potato chips till we get sick. Oh...it's going to be a glorious day!
ga901111 -- CLICK - That's it! I'm tired of us never agreeing on which TV show to watch. - You can watch the bedroom TV and I'll watch the living room TV. - - -
ga901112 -- Are you ready to exercise, Garfield? Boy, am I! - - Well? Are we done yet?
ga901113 -- Here you go, Jon. - PHOOT! - Ink balloon.
ga901114 -- Look at these food spots on my tie, this is a gravy stain. - And I can't remember what this one is. - Apple cobbler...with vanilla ice cream...a little heavy on the cinnamon.
ga901115 -- I'm going to clean the refrigerator. I'll help. - Let's see if I have everything...rubber gloves, trash bags, scouring pad... - Goggles, flame throwewr...
ga901116 -- I'd like to see a menu, please. - Here's your cat food. Take it or leave it. CLOP - Well, okay, but there had better be something special on the dessert cart.
ga901117 -- Only the cat is brave enough to venture into the dark unknown... - LAughing in the face of danger... - GARFIELD! Risking a happenstance meeting with a rabid chip.
ga901118 -- GARFIELD, DINNER! - Garfield Odie - STOMP - GULP! -
ga901119 -- I'm lonely, Garfield. What am I? Chopped liver? - I need to get out more. Thew mailbox could use a daisy decal. - I gotta meet some groovy chicks. You're a nineties kinda guy, Jon.
ga901120 -- Look at this, Garfield! "Challenge your intellect! Discover the creative you! Meet vital stimulating people!" - I'm gonna do it, Garfield! - I'm gonna take a pottery class! The Leonardo da Vinci Academy of Pottery?
ga901121 -- I don't know why you're insisting on coming to pottery class with me, Garfield. I wouldn't miss this for the world. - I want to see these "vital and stimulating peaople" the ad in the paper promised. - Are these the students or the pots?
ga901122 -- Hi there, I'm Jon Arbuckle, this is my first night in pottery class, what are you making? - A MAN! It doesn't look much like a man. - Well, whatever it is, it's a darn sight better than my fourth husband, Waldo! Poor Waldo.
ga901123 -- Hi, I'm Jon Arbuckle. Hello. My name's Kimmy. I've never seen you before in pottery class. - Tonight's my first class. Well, I think you'll enjoy it. - I know that look. You're going to ask her out, aren't you? So when are you going to ask me
ga901123 -- out?
ga901124 -- Would you go out with me, Kimmy? Don't do it, Jon! There's something strange about her. - That would be nice! GREAT! We cats have a sixth sense about these things. - We'll do dinner. plus, she's making a pile of clay eyebrows.
ga901125 -- Whoops! - Darn, I dropped an egg. - You said taht like you expect me to eat it off the floor. - You're too lazy to clean it up, so let the cat have it, right? - Sure, the cat's a warthog! He'll eat off the floor! - - Good kitty. Shut up and
ga901125 -- drop some toast.
ga901126 -- Tell me, Jon, out of all the girls in pottery class, why did you ask ME to dinner? Because you're cute. - Cute? Me? - WHOOHA! SNORT! YOU'RE gONNA...SNORT! MAKE ME BLUSH! wham! wham! *
ga901127 -- I'm curious, Kimmy, why are you taking the pottery class? Well, because I love nature, and clay is from the earth. - AND I LIKE DIRT! - YOU LIKE DIRT, DON'CHA, LADY?! SMACK! Where's our meal?
ga901128 -- By the way, Jon, did I tell you I was raised by wolves? You're kidding. - scratch scratch scratch scratch - No, really! Check please.
ga901129 -- ho-wee! These shoes are tight! So! Kimmy...tell me... - Rats! I can't get this shoe off. You say you were raised by wolves? - Reckon I'll have to gnaw this leg off at the knee. LET ME HELP WITH THE SHOE!
ga901130 -- So you were raised by wolves? - Yup. I was discovered and brought to civlization. And when was that? - Last friday. That explains a lot.
ga901201 -- What a weird date. I took out this lady who was raised by wolves. - AROOOOO - She's on top of my car howling at the moon! I'll set the traps.
ga901202 -- - SODA POP! - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - AH-HA! - He think's I'm going to open this and spray soda pop in my face. - Well, we'll just see who has the last laugh! - Ha! CRASH!
ga901203 -- Out of my way! Coming through! - Stand aside! No time to chat! I'm a busy cat! - Z
ga901204 -- The secret to a successful hotfoot is the element of surprise. - - GET AWAY FROM ME! Maybe I wasn't subtle enough.
ga901205 -- Jon's sending away for a book. - It's called "Help for the Incompetent". - I think these stamps are defective. Just in time.
ga901206 -- Can you do any impressions, Odie? - FFFFFFFF - John Wayne?
ga901207 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH Mashed potatoes aren't Jon's strong dish.
ga901208 -- Well, Garfield, it's saturday night. You betcha! - And I'm not going to sit here and do nothing! Atta boy, you party animal! - I'm going to clip my toenails! Quick! Somebody call the SWAT team!
ga901209 -- - - ZZZ zff ZZZ zff ZZZ zff - - - - GARFIELD!!!
ga901210 -- - - SMACK! STOP
ga901211 -- I was going to sit there, Garfield. - Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know that, excuse me. -
ga901212 -- Welcome to Monster Theater! - Tonight's feature..."Curse of the Vampire Goldfish" - Ralph! There's a fish on your neck! I love the classics.
ga901213 -- Is there anything in the paper about your scratching my tummy? - There should be. - Ahhh...stop the presses. scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga901214 -- DON'T LEAVE, JON! I'LL BE LONELY WITHOUT YOU! - I already filled your food dish, Garfield. - And to think I almost made a fool of myself.
ga901215 -- Well, Garfield, I found a Christmas tree we could afford. - It must not be very big to fit in the trunk. - Whatcha think?
ga901216 -- - What a stupid, dinky Christmas tree. - Lunch. - GULP! - CLOMP! - - Enjoy your meal? Immensely.
ga901217 -- JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY... - OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN - Sleigh. Z
ga901218 -- click click click click click - Knitting? click click click click Yup. - Christmas stocking? Natch.
ga901219 -- Hey! Milk and cookies! - TWANG! - GARFIELD! Hey! You're not Santa!
ga901220 -- Well, I suppose we'll have to get ANOTHER Christmas tree, Garfield, since you destroyed the first one. Put it out of its misery, is more like it. - Hey! This looks like a good place! - Honest Frosty's USED TREES Jon, Jon, Jon.
ga901221 -- What do you think of this tree, Garfield? - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - It's a bit dry.
ga901222 -- I'd like a tree that's not too expensive... Jon! jon! I found one! - Yet, nice and full and straight. Jon! Listen to me! - Excuse me while I kill my cat. After you see the tree.
ga901223 -- Hmmm, maybe a bit crooked. Okay, Mr. Picky. - Okay, boys, we must decide on a Christmas tree. - We could get a live tree. - This one's a tad big. Think so? - Odie seems to like that one. sniff sniff - Jon! Jon! I found it! - We can get lots
ga901223 -- of presents under this one! - Somehow, I'm not surprised.
ga901224 -- It's not the most perfect tree, boys, but, we'll turn the scraggy side to the wall. How true. - That's what I love about Christmas. It's the time of the year whenb everyone turns their scraggly side to the wall and peace and happiness abound.
ga901224 -- - 'This the season to be profound.
ga901225 -- Z Z Oh, boys...it's... - ZIP! - Christmas morning. Merry Christmas! Jim Davis
ga901226 -- Garfield, mom worked hard on this sweater, so wear it! No way! - Hold still!! -
ga901227 -- How do you like your new kitty gym, Garfield? I love it! - -
ga901228 -- Time to take a look in the old mirror and do some assessing. - Yup...time to make some changes... - Time to getr a new mirror.
ga901229 -- Garfield, I think we should spend this new year's ever in quiet contemplation... Fine. - Reflecting upon our mission in this life. Fine. - ANd THEN WE'LL SACRIFICE A GOAT! Are you listening to me?
ga901230 -- SLOOK - What shall I resolve to this year? - Strive for harmony with the universe? - Dedicate myself to world peace? - Or the usual... - SLOSH! - Drink punch until it comes out of my ears.
ga901231 -- Well, another year is almost under the belt. - And I've had 313 pretty good days. - The mondays sucked.
ga910101 -- CLANG! CLANG! Wake up! Fix me breakfast! - Whew! Look at those eyes! You should get to bed earlier. - HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU, TOO!
ga910102 -- These post-holiday blues are really getting me down. - There's gotta be something to celebrate.! flip flip flip - BLAT! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ISAAC ASIMOV!
ga910103 -- It's been over a week and Odie still hasn't opened his Christmas present. - Oh well, he'll figure it out one of these days. - I think you overestimate him.
ga910104 -- Hey, lardo, have you considered trimming down this year? Yes, I have. - - WHEN THEY INVENT LIPOSUCTION FOR CATS!
ga910105 -- CHOMP GOBBLE GULP SNARF GOBBLE - SMACK GOBBLE GULP MUNCH sniff sniff sniff sniff -
ga910106 -- DINGLE - DINGLE DINGLE - DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE - DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE - DINGLE! DINGLE! DINGLE! - DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE - SMACK! You HAD to get hima rubber
ga910106 -- dingle ball for Christmas, didn't you?! DINGLE DINGLE
ga910107 -- Okay, Jon, this is the way it's going to be. - I'll paint a line on the floor. Everything on your side is yours, and everything on my side is mine. - If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen.
ga910108 -- YAAH! YAAH! AIIIEEEEE!! - AAAAHHHH!!! - Just practicing in case we ever run out of food. You have too much free time, Garfield.
ga910109 -- Garfield, what are you going to do about this mess? - - Besides take a bow.
ga910110 -- - PUNT! - You have to admire the guy for working without a net.
ga910111 -- I really enjoyed our date, Suzanne. - May I have a lock of your hair to remember you by? - She says she'll shave her head if I stop calling. Go for it.
ga910112 -- - SPLOP! - Breakfast in bed.
ga910113 -- Beware Of Dog Beware Of Appetite - YAWN - brrrrr - p-p-p...pu...-pu... - pu-pu-pu-p-p-p-p-pu-pu-pu-purrrrrrrrrrrrr - rrrrrrrrrrrr... WHEEZE! sputter sputter P-P-P-P... GASP WHEEEEE... - sigh - Sometimes it's hard to get your motor running on
ga910113 -- a cold morning.
ga910114 -- Z -Z - TURN
ga910115 -- - boot! - Hmmm...too much topspin.
ga910116 -- Putting on a little weight, Garfield? What makes you say that? - - Hello, rescue squad? I have a cat stuck in my doorway. Have them pick up a pizza on the way!
ga910117 -- - -
ga910118 -- I wonder what my fortune cookie says. - "A tall beautiful blonde will change your life". - Gee. Jon, there's an eleven foot woman at the door with a chain saw.
ga910119 -- Good evening, for my first selection I will sing the opera "Carmen" in B flat. - Ahem...may I have a B flat, please? - *
ga910120 -- - - fling! - Rats! I missed. - - poo! - FWING SPLAT! - He loves any kind of attention as long as it's attention.
ga910121 -- I've put the cookie jar on top of the refrigerator where Garfield can't reach it. - -
ga910122 -- Hate it...hate it...hate it... click click click - Hate it...hate it...hate it... click click click - Enjoying yourself? Hate it...yep...hate it... click click
ga910123 -- Who wants to lick the icing? I do! - SLURP! - ...out of the bowl? Oh.
ga910124 -- Wouldn't you like to go out and get some fresh air, Garfield? - Not really. - Could we have it delivered?
ga910125 -- Which is smarter, the dog, or the tree stump? Let's find out. - Who want's to fetch Jon's old, stinky sweat sock? - Another of nature's mysteries solved.
ga910126 -- I just love making snow angels. - - He just loves making snow angels.
ga910127 -- GARFIELD! - GARFIELD! DINNER! - ZIP! - - - - - - - BURP
ga910128 -- Jon! Garfield! - Door! - Sidewalk! Street!
ga910129 -- I've got a cramp in my hand. - What should I do? - Scratch me.
ga910130 -- I reckon it's part of a cat's nature. - It can't be helped. - Sometimes I just HAVE to lie here and do nothing.
ga910131 -- Look out. I can't stop. - BUMP - Thank goodness you survived. You had quite a head of steam built up there, Garfield.
ga910201 -- That looks like Jon! - Our show's subject today: Cat owners whose lives are in constant torment. - All right! It IS Jon!
ga910202 -- Pudding! - I made some for you, Garfield! There was no need to steal mine! Of course there was, you idiot! - Now I have min AND yours! Sometimes I wander about you.
ga910203 -- - - SLURK! - 10-9-8-7-6-5... - 4-3-2-1-... - POING! Ignition... - GOOD MORNING, JON! Lift-off..we have lift-off.
ga910204 -- Time to face another monday. - - Thank goodness that is over with!
ga910205 -- From now on, I expect to get a little respect around here! Can you remember that?! - Of course I can. - You can count on me, Phil.
ga910206 -- Here, Jon. FOOF What's this? - It's what's left of the mail. - Now, what should I do with what's left of the mailman?
ga910207 -- Let me have a dab of mustard. - SPLOIT! - Just out of curiosity, exactly what IS a "dab"?
ga910208 -- - BONNNNG! - I suppose YOU can fix better pancakes!
ga910209 -- Hmmm, I wonder... - - Yup.
ga910210 -- - roll roll - - - * DING DONG - Wha? - SPLOT - YES! YES!
ga910211 -- Z - Time to get up, Garfield! Z - Z
ga910212 -- DON'T DELAY!... - ACT NOW!! - click Fast enough for you?
ga910213 -- Life with Jon is not normal. - Garfield, I am going to tap dance on the front lawn in my underwear with a balloon animal tied to my head and a pieapple in each hand! - Again!
ga910214 -- Why so grumpy, Garfield? - It's something I happen to be good at. - Garfield, why did you destroy the sofa?! See previous answer.
ga910215 -- Popcorn-eating contest! You're on! - ONE! ONE! - Uh, two... TWO!
ga910216 -- Jon's about to go grocery shopping. - - I had a few suggestions.
ga910217 -- Let's go for a walk in the park, Garfield. - So, tell me, Garfield, why are there all these women in the world, and I sit at home saturday nights? - I'm pretty young...I'm attractive...kind of. - I have a good physique. I'll bet I could whip
ga910217 -- my weight in wimps! - But, do they stop me inthe supermarket to ask me to dinner? - NOOO! - WHAT AM I? CHOPPED LIVER? Jon takes his geekiness rather personally.
ga910218 -- There are cat people, there are dog people. - And then there are people like me. You're crowding us. - Stupid people.
ga910219 -- - Beware Of The Dog's Lawyer - The times they are a-changin'
ga910220 -- Being lazy has it's advantages. - - One of which is not having to tell you what they are.
ga910221 -- What do I do when I need some attention? - YOU SHAVED MY BUNNY SLIPPERS! - I earn it.
ga910222 -- Reading the newspaper again? - Why? There's nothing in there about me. - Except for that article about the candy store riot.
ga910223 -- Yes, thank you, I will have a french fry. - Let's see. Too small...shaped fuuny...too brown...too pale...ah-ha! Perfect! - Rather rude of you not to offer me something to drink, isn't it?
ga910224 -- Sigh - - hammer hammer pound pound pound hammer hammer - - HEEEY KIDS! - Have you ever seen anyone work so hard at being so lazy? And you say I never do anything around here.
ga910225 -- Sigh - I have to do something to add a little excitement to my life. - Sitting upright today, Garfield? Call me wacky.
ga910226 -- OH NO! - LOOK OUT! I'M LATE! - Nap time.
ga910227 -- - - Where's the filling to my sandwich? It's gone to food heaven.
ga910228 -- - LOOK OUT, WORLD! HERE I COME! - I'm betting on the world.
ga910301 -- You sure hear some strange noises at night. The wind, the house settling... - Wha?!... HOOP! YAAAAH!! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! WOOOAAAHHH! CRASH! - Jon getting up and stepping on Odie.
ga910302 -- Uh, Garfield, I have some bad news for you. Go on... - We're out of cat food. Oh, that's all right. - My, you're taking it well. I ate your dinner.
ga910303 -- This is getting out of hands. - Gentlemen, start your engines! - The crowd is tense as the race cars inch to the starting line... - scoot scoot scoot - - And as the starting light flashes green, our hero punches the gas! - SHOOM! - grrrrrr
ga910304 -- It must be monday. - It's cold...it's dreary...it's raining... - Even INSIDE the house.
ga910305 -- Sigh - Maybe tying Jon's lips into a knot would relieve my boredom. - Nope.
ga910306 -- Look, Odie, a dog with its nose smashed between the pages of a book! - SMACK! - That wa ssimply too easy.
ga910307 -- I can't eat another bite. - Garfield! Ther eisn't a speck of food left in the house! - That's what I just said.
ga910308 -- Yessireebob - What an exciting friday night... SNAP! - Fun with tape.
ga910309 -- Brrr...it's cold this morning. - - KONK! Turn up the heat!
ga910310 -- Ohhhh, Garfield. Sigh - Let's look at the old family album, Garfield. - Here's a picture of my uncle Waldo. - He lived on a ranch. - Had one of the latest warthog herds in the country. - Of course, that was before he was arrested. - He was
ga910310 -- accused of selling ugly bacon. I ignore him, but he never goes away.
ga910311 -- Starting today, I no longer recognize mondays! - ZWOOP SPLAT! - Unfortunately, they still recognize ME.
ga910312 -- Z - Z Dinnertime. -
ga910313 -- - The mailman already came today, Garfield. - He did?
ga910314 -- You know, Garfield... - Sometimes I get the feeling you don't respect me. Really? - What brought this on?
ga910315 -- Darn! T stubbed my toe. - Hey, it's no big deal. - Thanks for caring, Garfield. It's not like it happened to me.
ga910316 -- - trop SPLAT! - Dogs are nature's way of telling us we could be worse off.
ga910317 -- - - - - - - ALL RIGHT!!! ALL RIGHT!!! I'LL FIX BREAKFAST!!!!
ga910318 -- Do you think I'm boring, Garfield? - Z - Oh, great. Now I'll never know.
ga910319 -- ROWWWRF! GROWFF! SNARL SNARL WOOF! - BARK! BARK! ROWRFF! SNORT SNORT WOOF! - ROOF! ROOF! ROWF! Have you had your blood pressure checked lately?
ga910320 -- There's nothing to do. - BOOT! - Okay, NOW there's nothing to do.
ga910321 -- That mouse has stolen a cookie! - Go get it, Garfield! - Got it!
ga910322 -- Garfield, do you think this needs salt? - GULP! Just a little.
ga910323 -- Catsup on your eggs, sir? - YEEUK! GARFIELD! - Gee, I must be the only one who likes them this way.
ga910324 -- Z GNAR-FIELD!!! - Z - Oh, Gaaarrrfield... Oh, nooooo... - Guess what Iiiii've got?... An annoying personality? - TAH-DAH! A BALL OF YARN!! Good for you. - Aw, c'mon, Garfield! All cats like to play with yarn! poke poke Not when they're sleepy
ga910324 -- they don't. - C'MON! C'MON AND PLAY WITH THE YARN! If you insist shake shake shake - He's right. That was fun.
ga910325 -- Garfield, what are you doing? Pretending I'm on the "Animal Kingdom" show. - You just lie araound! I've been hit with a tranquilizer dart. - You're lazy! Soon I'll be tagged, so they can study my migration patterns.
ga910326 -- My pet spider, Renaldo here, can do a trick! - WHAP! - Of course, he can only do it once!
ga910327 -- Garfield, come here! He think I'll come running whenever he calls. - Garfield! What am I, a dog? - I have donuts! Arf, I say.
ga910328 -- - TOUCH MY FOOD AND DIE!! - Oh, come on, Jon. You're not THAT bad of a cook.
ga910329 -- What is life all about? Eating and sleeping. - - I'm hungry. Z
ga910330 -- Garfield! I'm home from the store! - Cany search! - It's in the sack! Who turned the lights out?
ga910331 -- Oops!! Sorry, wrong strip! - - That's driving me crazy! - ODIE, STOPPIT!!! grab - - - AAARRRGGGGHHHH! whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I think I came in late again.
ga910401 -- Jon, if you can guess how many cookies are in this jar, you get the entire contents! - You ate them all, did you? - WE HAVE A WINNER!
ga910402 -- - WAH-HA! HA! HA! - Boy, haircuts are deceiving.
ga910403 -- Ball of yarn. - Here, Jon. - You know, I have a sweater this exact same color. Not anymore.
ga910404 -- Perhaps I shouldn't steal Jon's food. - - Then again, he doesn't seem interested in getting it back...
ga910405 -- If I want something exciting to happen, I can't just sit here. - I have to MAKE it happen! - I'm wearing knee pads on my elbows! You're a wild man, Jon Arbuckle!
ga910406 -- Hey, Garfield. How's the weather down there? - HA! HA! HA! HA! - Drafty.
ga910407 -- - - I'll fix this. - - - - Shnall I call a TV repairman? Thank you.
ga910408 -- click - This looks like an intelligent and informative program. - CLICK Fortunately, there are other things on.
ga910409 -- Quick! Turn to channel five! It's tie for "Gone Fishin' with Billy Bob Beauchamp"! - What's the deal, Garfield? Here, read this! - "This week Billy Bob removes a hook from his neck". They've been hyping it for weeks!
ga910410 -- ...and so we end another programming day. Until tomorrow, good night. - Z - TURN THE SET OFF!!!
ga910411 -- Arf! What is it, boy? - Arf! Arf! He says he's hungry. - You say Timmy fell down the old mine shaft? Arf! He wants pizza.
ga910412 -- Let's see...nine o'clock, channel six... - Movie: "The Mummy's Curse". - "Mummy rises only to be hit with five thousand years of back taxes".
ga910413 -- This show is really dull. - I don't know why you like it. - Oh. Z
ga910414 -- Bird Calls - *TWEET* - *TWEET* - *TWEET* *TWEET* - *TWEET TWEET* *TWEET TWEET* - *TWEET TWEET* * TWEET TWEET -
ga910415 -- Z - Z - Z
ga910416 -- - - Uh...Garfield... Because nap attacks can strike anytime, anywhere, without warning, that's why.
ga910417 -- Believe you me. - There's nothing like a warm teddy bear on a stormy night. - Just ask anyone.
ga910418 -- Sigh. - Teddy bears aren't very good huggers... - But they're sure great HUGGEES!
ga910419 -- - - What mice?
ga910420 -- Garfield, has it ever occured to you that I may have better things to do than scratch you? - YOU? HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - Just thought I'd ask. More to the left, please.
ga910421 -- GARFIELD! Hark! The Caped Avenger's super hearing detects a voice in distress! - - BARK! SPLOT! - chuckle chuckle - BARK! SPLOT! - Stop that, both of you! - - BARK! SPLOT!
ga910422 -- Sniff-what's that smell? - AH! FRESH AIR! - It'll never catch on.
ga910423 -- A few sit-ups a day, and I'll have a flat stomach. - You should be doing the same, Garfield. - I'm satisfied with a flat back.
ga910424 -- Jon has taken up weight-lifting. - He's been at it quite while now. - I didn't know you could lift weights with your throat.
ga910425 -- - What is this, a laziness contest? - I win. SLAP!
ga910426 -- Z - Z - Z - Z - Z - The world is my bed.
ga910427 -- Boy...what a day. - PLOP! - I'm tired from all that staying awake.
ga910428 -- - Good heavens! - PICK - - - - - I think it's time you mowed tha lawn.
ga910429 -- Z - GO AHEAD! SLEEP YOUR LIFE AWAY! - Alriiiiight.
ga910430 -- Iiiiiiit's show time! tappity tappity tappity - TRIP CRASH! - Iiiiiiit's intermission! stumble stumble
ga910501 -- * MEEOWRR, MEOW...MEOW... - ** MEEE-YOWRR!!! - And now, once again, for thos eof you in the cheap seats...
ga910502 -- Hey, you've been a beautiful audience! Thank you and good night! - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP ? - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP APPLAUSE
ga910503 -- Ow, ow, ow, ow. - What happened to you? Ow ow ow. - That's the last time I let my agent book me onto a chain link fence.
ga910504 -- tappity tappity tappity - BOING Ha! Fooled- -
ga910505 -- Z - - Dinnertime, Garfield. - - DRILL DRILL DRILL - DRILL DRILL DRILL DRILL - Incredible.
ga910506 -- - - Well? Don't rush me.
ga910507 -- Jon's love life is certainly improving. - I'm dancing with a broom! - You gonna date for a while, or marry and start a family right away?
ga910508 -- "Time flies when you'r ehaving fun". - - Are you saying this day will never end? Here's another one...
ga910509 -- - RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP - Now that we're done reading our newspaper, maybe we can scratch our tummy.
ga910510 -- - - Garfield... What broken lamp?
ga910511 -- Thie wimpy little dog could use a twangling. Z - TWAANNNNG! - Talk about your unpleasant surprises.
ga910512 -- - - * * - Birds in the mouse hole? ** - Something weird is going on here. - - This time-share thing is really getting out of hand.
ga910513 -- Cats are the world's greatest tree climbers. - - Altough I personally never work without a net.
ga910514 -- Z - Z Only Grafield. Z
ga910515 -- Ethel, look at that. - Wow! - That's gotta be the fattest orange I ever saw!
ga910516 -- Hey, Arbuckle, your cat's in the tree... - And you'd better pick him? He looks a little to ripe! - HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! Step under me and say that, fella!
ga910517 -- Odie! You got a ladder! You finally did something right! - Now get it up here! -
ga910518 -- I suppose I should just let go and drop to the yard below. - YEEOWCH! - What a STUPID place to put a statue of liberty lawn ornament.
ga910519 -- - Sigh... - There's "Dry-Skin-Itchy"... - There's "Wake-Up-First-Thing-In-The-Morning-Itchy"... - And there's "Fleas-Itchy". - But for my money, there's no itch more worth the trouble than... - The
ga910519 -- "Lying-On-Your-Back-In-The-Grass-On-A-Sunny-Day-Staring-Up-At-The-Clouds-Itchy"! scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga910520 -- From this vantage point, I can survey all that I rule! - - Sigh...I abdicate.
ga910521 -- Tell me, Jon. - How's life treating you?
ga910522 -- - - Garfield... What sparrow?
ga910523 -- - GOOSH! - From now on, let's be putting water in the water dish, and food in the food dish, okay?
ga910524 -- This bulletin has just been handed to me! - Police report that someone is going around handing bulletins to newscasters! - ...and here's another bulletin!
ga910525 -- I like to check on Garfield and Odie to make sure they're playing nicely. - I'm measuring Odie to make sure I use just the right amount of concrete. - How nice.
ga910526 -- - - - - - -
ga910527 -- Some people have exciting lives. - Some seek adventure and romance. - And some stay home and tease their eyebrows. - Garfield, I need a hobby.
ga910528 -- They should give out awards for dull days. - Hey, Garfield, I'll bet if I connect all the splattered bugs on my car windshield I can make a picture! - We'd have a trophy case the size of Canada.
ga910529 -- Sigh. - I found a snake in the backyard. I'm bored. - Every day, the same old stuff. I put it in your underwear drawer.
ga910530 -- Our lives are dull with one exception. - Pass the coconut monkey head, please. - Our snack life is pretty exhilarating.
ga910531 -- I feel like I could conquer the world today! - - I couldn't get the front door open. My hero.
ga910601 -- Say! Aren't you... I'm a bird. - Right! I'm a big fan of yours! I'm flattered. - How about autographing my tongue? I'm suspicious.
ga910602 -- - **DING-DONG * That must be the mailman. I'll get it. - - Jon's sure been gone a long time. - WAIT A MINUE! THIS IS SUNDAY! THE MAIL ISN'T DELIVERED ON SUNDAY! - You two-timer! That was the pizza boy! I was saving half of it for you, honest,
ga910602 -- Garfield! - STOMP STOMP STOMP Weird. Guess it's true what they say about a cat scorned.
ga910603 -- - No fair! - You got a head start on the goofing off!
ga910604 -- SMACK! - Fill it up. - Having a bad day, Jon?
ga910605 -- Meow* *Cats of the world unite! - Meow meow* *Scratch the furniture! - What are you watching, Garfield? CLICK! Nothing!
ga910606 -- See that, Garfield? - Do something about it! - Hey, I'm a CAT, not a carpenter!
ga910607 -- Blindfolded taste test! - GULP! - I hate you. Thank you for your opinion, sir!
ga910608 -- Let me hold the door for you, Jon! - Farewell, and return safely, dear friend! - Grocery shopping.
ga910609 -- YAAAHHH!! - - - - - - GARFIELD!!! - Stop scaring the goldfish!
ga910610 -- RATS! - A WRINKLE! - And that's not easy when you have fur all over the body.
ga910611 -- Oh, no! A wrinkle! - OH, NO! A GRAY HAIR! - OH, NO! A WRINKLED GRAY HAIR!!
ga910612 -- AAAAAHHHHHH!! - YAAAHHHHHHH! - AARRRRRGGGHH! Found his fiorst gray hair.
ga910613 -- Rats! Another grey hair! - Maybe hair dye will help. - aaah.
ga910614 -- Wow! What happened to you?! I found a ghray hair and used hair dye, okay? - That looks weird. I know. - You look like Mickey Mouse! I KNOW!
ga910615 -- They say rubbing lemons on you is good for your skin. - rub rub rub rub - I fail to see the improvement.
ga910616 -- pat pat pat - - Now for a nice nap in the sun. - - Age must be catching up with me. - Where has all my vitality gone? - Wait a minute! I'm not getting old. - I never WAS vital.
ga910617 -- You get slower as you get older, Garfield. - - That's your opinion.
ga910618 -- - - Make my birthday cake this big.
ga910619 -- Hapy birthday, Garfield! What would you like to do today? Oh, considering my age, not much. - GULP! - Perhaps a nibble and a nap. click clickety clickety click
ga910620 -- Why is that you always have to be the center of attention, Garfield? - What? - That's the silliest thing I've ever heard.
ga910621 -- All I want is to be treated fairly! - Is that too much to ask?! - So now, how come you have two cookies and I have only one?!
ga910622 -- Dinner, Garfield! - ZOOM! GULP! - Ha! You missed your dish! Then why am I full?
ga910623 -- Z - BRRIIINNGGGG - SMASH! - RING-A-LING A-LING!! - CRUCH ! - DINGLE-DINGLE BRRRIIINNG! DING-A-LINGA DING DING - DING-A-LING-A-LING-A BRRRRIIING DINGLE DINGLE - DING-A SMASH! - - Ice Cream
ga910624 -- Presenting the Amazing Lardo! - Now the Amazing Lardo will make this bowl of food disappear! - DRumroll, please! Are you picking on me?
ga910625 -- Garfield, you must weigh as much as Australia! - - One of the smaller continents.
ga910626 -- Garfield! Look at that stomach! - You must take your health more seriously. - It's hard to be serious while staring up your nose.
ga910627 -- From now on, I'm keeping track of the calories you take in! - POW! - My calculator blew up.
ga910628 -- - I hate it when I can't see my feet. - I could be wearing weird shoes and not know it.
ga910629 -- Blindfolded, I shall now identify things I cannot see. - - FOOD! - I hate you. Who's that?!
ga910630 -- - Okay, I'll take your order now. - Oh, and here's your balloon. My balloon? - We're trying to create more of a happy family atmosphere. - We even have pony rides out back. That sounds like fun! - Now, what'll you have? I'll have a hamburger.
ga910630 -- - Well, there goes the pony ride. I'll be waiting in the car.
ga910701 -- Ready or not, here I caome! - I see you, Garfield! - I gotta go on diet.
ga910702 -- Garfield, I bought you a diet book. I know. - I've already lost two pounds! - To be more specific, I lost the book.
ga910703 -- Today is the first day of your diet, Garfield. Promise me you won't cheat. - C'mon, promise me! Oh, very well. - I promise.
ga910704 -- Job's got me on a grapefruit diet. How silly... - KAWHANG! - ...yet effective.
ga910705 -- Here you are, Garfield. As per your diet, a small salad. - Hey! Where's the French bread?! - Needed a crouton.
ga910706 -- Gee, Garfield. I feel terrible eating in front of you, what with you on your diet. - Here you go, Felly. -
ga910707 -- Sigh - Jon's had me on this diet, like, forever. - Hey! What the...?! - YAAAAHHHH!!! - YAAAH!!! YAAAHH!! What is it, Garfield? Something wrong with your feet? - Feet?...Feet?...Those are feet?! - Hey, and I bet those wiggly things on the end
ga910707 -- are toes, right?
ga910708 -- - YEEEK!!! - I HATE cold feet!
ga910709 -- I'm depressed, Garfield. Just look at this gut. - - Thanks. Anytime, Skinny.
ga910710 -- Cats like to survey their territory. - - My territory has dandruff.
ga910711 -- Sleeping makes me hungry. - And eating makes me sleepy. - Life is good.
ga910712 -- Coming up next, "The Cat Nature's Smart Aleck". - What's on? - Nothing that would interest you, bean brain.
ga910713 -- I should stop picking on Jon. - I sure do enjoy breathing! - How nice. He has a hobby.
ga910714 -- RRRIIIINNNNGGGGG - Sigh - Do you know why I love you, Garfield? You're so unpredictable. - RIP! - SPLAT! - ZIP - BOOT! WHAM! - Me and my biig mouth.
ga910715 -- Garfield, I really don't enjoy looking at your grumpy face every morning. - You should start each day with a smile. That's a pretty tall order. - Couldn't I start with a smirk, and work my way up?
ga910716 -- - FISSSS zit zit zit zit FISSSS zit zit zit zit - Stupid automatic sprinklers.
ga910717 -- It's noon, Garfield. You've got that big hand, little hand stuff down cold, don't you? - Do you realize you slept the entire morning? I did? - Thank goodness it wasn't wasted.
ga910718 -- ? - What are you doing? - Waiting for the pancake to come off the ceiling.
ga910719 -- Should I kick Odie off the table, or shouldn't I? What do you think, foot? - BOOT! - I'll take that as a "yes".
ga910720 -- - -
ga910721 -- tooey - Z - Uh-oh...here it comes! - scoot scoot - scoot scoot BUMP! - Oh, no! I'm trapped! There's no escape! - AAARRRGGHHH! - Garfield, what happened?! Morning found me again.
ga910722 -- - - Get off my lap, Garfield. I never get to drive.
ga910723 -- Garfield! See that seat belt? - We're not going anywhere until you use it! Yessir. - Let's hit the road.
ga910724 -- There, Garfield, Don't you feel safer now? - I guess the seat belt is okay. - But this shoulder harness...
ga910725 -- Hey, kids, don't forget to buckle your seat belt when you get into a car. - And once you've mastered that... - Don't forget to unbuckle it.
ga910726 -- I need more legroom. - CLICK-CHUNK - Put the seat back up, Garfield.
ga910727 -- Hmmmm... - My seat belts need tightening. - Oops. This is yours.
ga910728 -- HICCUP! - - DINNER! - bonk! bonk! bonk! - toink! toink! - DONK! - wooga wooga wooga wooga wooga - Some assembly required.
ga910729 -- A letter from mom, Garfield! - Nothing like news from home to lift our spirits! - Dear Jon, the chicken died. Probably from boredom.
ga910730 -- Boy, am I bored. - Hey, Garfield, let's go the the store and try on socks! - Every time I think I've hit bottom, somebody throws me a shovel.
ga910731 -- Odie is a mixed breed. - His mother was a beagle. - And his father was a brick.
ga910801 -- Want to hear about my nap? - Z - Z It may be boring, but it's all the world to him.
ga910802 -- What would you say is my best character trait, Garfield? - Your ability to order pizza. - And I'm not just saying that. pat pat
ga910803 -- We're out of cat food. You'll have to eat dog food, okay? - - I suppose you know I'm outraged. Poor little fella.
ga910804 -- - - - - - - Are you boys quite done?
ga910805 -- In the interest of national security, I'm afraid I'm going to have to confiscate that hamburger. - Yes, there is a top secret formulain here which I am going to have to memorize and eat. - You live in your own little world, don't you,
ga910805 -- Garfield? There's nothing little about it.
ga910806 -- Here we are overlooking the Grand Canyon. - nudge - We lose more tourists that way.
ga910807 -- Garfield, I'm home! - SLAM! - Was that the refrigerator door? Sure, greet me with accusations.
ga910808 -- Garfield, how do you explain this? - When I was young I swallowed a basketball. - You're a pig! It's been digesting for years.
ga910809 -- Jon bought me a new diet food. - Looks like serious stuff. - It's called "Hey, Fatso. Eat this!"
ga910810 -- While people sleep, cats are busy. - Prowling, singing, hunting... - ARRRRGH! ...painting the kitchen.
ga910811 -- SIGH - It's no use. - I can't sleep. - - Z - Z - Z
ga910812 -- I spent our vacation money, Garfield. It had better been on something edible. - SOOOOooooooo - LET'S POLKA!! Now I know what "justifiable homicide" means.
ga910813 -- And now, a traditional folk song. - * Oh when I'm gone...bury me deep... ** - ** 'cause there's wolverines reported in the area... * The accordeon dies tonight.
ga910814 -- See, Garfield, I roll all my socks into little balls! - Now they can be filed according to the color, length, material and pattern. - You just don't care, do you?
ga910815 -- Beware Of Fence - -
ga910816 -- You're one of a kind, Garfield. - Why, thank you. - At least that's what the entire human race is hoping. I hate you.
ga910817 -- Hmmmmm...I wonder what's in this bowl? - BOO! YAAHHH! - The tuna surprise.
ga910818 -- - Okay, what would you turkeys like tonight? Shall I sing? - SPLUT! Tall jokes? - BLAT! BLAT! BLAT! BLAT! BLAT! BLAT! - Dance? - tappity tappity tappity tappity
ga910819 -- MEYOOO-WRR-MEEE-*YOUWRRR!! MEEE- - SPLUT! KONG! BLAT! - IS IT MY FAULT THIS FENCE HAS LOUSY ACOUSTICS?!!
ga910820 -- tappity tappity tappity - - It's much safer down here in the orchestra pit.
ga910821 -- **MEY-OOORRR-MEEE-YOWWWW MEE-YOWRR!! - Stand-in! - KONK!
ga910822 -- Here's a note only a cat can hear. - * - It's so high it can shatter paper.
ga910823 -- Hey, what an audience! You've been good listeners, good sports... - SPLUT! - And good aims...
ga910824 -- What a night! Was I ever on a roll! - I must have had seventeen curtain calls! - According to the shoe count.
ga910825 -- Si-gh. - We had a cat back on the farm. Here we go. - He was a good old cat. - And a great hunter. - Whenever he caught a mouse, he'd bring it to the house. - Sort of an offering from pet to master. - I miss those days.
ga910826 -- Garfield. - GARFIELD! - I'm not in right now. If you'd care to leave a message, wait for the beep...
ga910827 -- Welcome to "Cats Watching Television". - - HI, MOM!
ga910828 -- * TWEEET - CHIRP-CHIRP CHEEEP ** BABY, BABY! * - Evrybody wants to be in the show business.
ga910829 -- If I do this regularly, I'll live longer! - WHAM! - But don't you think running into the door every day will offset the benefits of the exercise?
ga910830 -- Garfield! I'm back from the - snatch GULP! - Hardware store. Poo! CHONG!
ga910831 -- Z - Z - His ballerina dream. Z
ga910901 -- - Hey! This is my chair! - rrrrr Shoo! Shoo! Get off! - Grrrr Fffft - Boys! Boys! That chair is big enough for both of you! Now share! - He's right, Odie. Let's stop bickering. We can each use half of the cushion, okay? - I'll take the top
ga910901 -- half.
ga910902 -- You never do anything, Garfield. - - But, I never get a day off either.
ga910903 -- - Tweet? - It was worth a shot.
ga910904 -- Garfield, you should cut down on between-meal snacks. - That won't be easy to do. - Primarily because I don't know what "between meals" means.
ga910905 -- There ought to be a prize for eating every scrap of food in the house. - Oh well. - I guess a job well done is its own reward.
ga910906 -- I'm going to take a little nap. - No, make that a long nap. - Heck with it, wake me at the turn of the century.
ga910907 -- Garfield, how could you?! My sincerest apologies. - I'm very disappointed in you. I'm so ashamed. - Have you no respect for decor?! You eat one doily and you're marked for life.
ga910908 -- Wait! Wait! I'm not ready yet! - Z - Z - Z - Z tie tie - tap tap - YAAAHH! - That's what's known as "burying the needle on the wake up meter".
ga910909 -- Do you know what this house needs, Garfield? - More baked goods? - I'm guessing you don't think we need wallpaper. Picture it! Cupcakes as far as the eye can see!
ga910910 -- My, my. There's something you don't see much these days... - A mannerly young man and a well-behaved cat. -
ga910911 -- I've had a bad day. Mee to. - It's been one disaster after another. For mee to. - Okay, okay, you win.
ga910912 -- I think I'm having some sort of identity crisis. - H ethinks HE'S having an identity crisis. - Odir thinks he's a potato peeler.
ga910913 -- - KONK! Stupid sprinkler heads.
ga910914 -- poke - cut cut cut cut cut - Sunroof.
ga910915 -- - - BZZZZZZ! POUND POUND POUND GRINKA GRINKA WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - - ? - ! - GARFIELD!
ga910916 -- Mornings sure are peaceful. - CLANG ** SPLOT! - Right up to about this time every day.
ga910917 -- I love this show! - You do? - CLICK
ga910918 -- Sigh... - Where are we going, Garfield? I mean, what's the purpose? What's it all mean? - To the kitchen...to eat...to get full.
ga910919 -- Thy say one's dinnerware should reflect one's personality. - For me, fine china. - For you, a hog trough. Ever been bit by a pig?
ga910920 -- Please Do NOT Beware Of The Dog - - Now THAT'S scary!
ga910921 -- - BURP! - Feel better? I'm ready for dessert now.
ga910922 -- - - pant pant pant pant - - - rrrr - Sigh
ga910923 -- - - One sugar or two? Decisions! Decisions! Decisions! Do I have to do everything around here?!
ga910924 -- Garfield, I think I've lost my identity. Nonsense! I'll help you find it. - Nobody listens to me. Yup, it's right here in the trash compactor. - Nobody respects me. Right next to your dignity and intelligence.
ga910925 -- Jon! Jon! The TV just said that giant mutant spiders are crushing the city!! - And that five thousand foot tidal wave is headed directly our way!! And...and... - Are those JELLY doughnuts?
ga910926 -- - ? - Mustard?
ga910927 -- BOOT! - bark bark bark bark bark bark bark - Right into the ceiling fan.
ga910928 -- I suspect Jon's taking me for granted. - - Yup.
ga910929 -- Sniffff...ahhh! - C'mon, Garfield! Let's go for a walk! Z - What a great day to romp in the grass! Z - And for climbing trees! * - Z Race you home! - How exhilarating! We should do this every day. Z - It's off to the shower! I just dreamt I
ga910929 -- was Fay Wray!
ga910930 -- Hey, Garfield, I know what we can do! - Let's sit in this chair and vegetate! Okay, but only for a little while. - I'm scheduled for a nap in the sunbeam this afternoon.
ga911001 -- New mailman, Garfield. - You might have trouble with this one. - You mean the guy with "I hate cats" branded on his forehead?
ga911002 -- YEOOOOOOW!!! CRASH! UGH BAM!! CRUNCH OOF THUMP THUD! - - The mail's here.
ga911003 -- Jon's really enjoying his drive * - ...entirely too much. - One of us has to get carsick.
ga911004 -- I'm stuck on one channel! click click click click - What could be worse? - Welcome to the Lassie film festival. AARRRGHH!
ga911005 -- Let's face it... - As we age, our bodies change. - My eyeballs are growing hair! Or, in some cases, mutate.
ga911006 -- Sniff - Ah - Ah...AH... - AH - pook - - CHOO!
ga911007 -- Garfield, I need some female companionship - Okay, Jon. - You realize I'd only do this for you.
ga911008 -- Would you go out with me, doc? Mr. Arbuckle, I'm single, not desperate. - Well, I'M more complex than that... - I'm single AND desperate. You talk to him. I'm a cat, not a psychatrist.
ga911009 -- You know, doc, you could do a lot worse than go out with me. You're right there, Jon. - I could grow facial hair, or misplace my elbows... - Or, get a rat in my boot. ...FOR EXAMPLE!
ga911010 -- Doc, will you go out with me? - Open wide and say "ahh". Ahh. - No.
ga911011 -- You know, doc, there's a lot of things about me you don't know. - I know you have four pens and three paper clips in your shirt pocket. How do you know that? - I can see right through you, Arbuckle.
ga911012 -- So, doc, how about dinner with me? NO. Lunch? No. Brunch? No. - How about sharing a sack of honey.roasted nuts from the machine in the hall?! - Look, Arbuckle, what do I have to do to convince you that I don't want to go out with you?
ga911012 -- Anything short of a death threat is wasting your breath.
ga911013 -- I * My Food - * I hate this part. - So, doc, how's Garfield? Fine. - And how's Odie? Fine. - And how are you? Fine. - Okay if i pay by check? Fine. - How about a date? Fine. - YEEESS!! YEEESS!! THAT'S CHEATING! If you can't attract 'em, trick
ga911013 -- 'em.
ga911014 -- bzzzzzzzzz - GARFIELD! ODIE! LOOK OUT! I'M SHAVING! bzzzzz CRASH! - Good evening, my dear.
ga911015 -- Uh...Jon...your hair. My cat bumped my arm while I was shaving, okay? - Don't you have a hat or something? Sure. - How's that? The exits are probably covered.
ga911016 -- DON'T GEt OUT! DON'T GE tOUT YET! - See? chivalry isn't dead yet. - SLAM! RIP! Which is more than can be said for your jacket.
ga911017 -- Sniff-sniff...boy, these flaming croquettes sure smell goo- - YAAAHH! MY TIE'S ON FIRE!! - Would you like another drink, my dear? No, Jon, if I'm in the mood for another Shirley Temple, I'll suck it out of your tie.
ga911018 -- I don't believe I just flushed one of my contact lenses down the toilet! Somehow I do. - And th eonly glasses I brought are my sunglasses. That's okay, Jon. They'll make you look continental. - Kinda like a french dweeb.
ga911019 -- I am afraid I must ask you to leave, sir. What?! Did I offend someone or something? - No, sir. Then what did I do? - Sinc you've been here, you've slipped beneath the dress code. May I stay?
ga911020 -- - Z rake rake - rake rake rake rake rake - WHEW! - T - O-DIE! ! - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE -
ga911021 -- Z - -
ga911022 -- Odie, I think I saw something move in your dish! - - YES! YES! LOOK AT IT MOVE!
ga911023 -- FFFT GRRR - Now, now! You boys be nice! - FFFT - GRRR
ga911024 -- Odie, do you have any idea how annoying your cheerfulness is? - - I was afraid of that.
ga911025 -- SLURP! - SLUUURRP! -
ga911026 -- KICK! - - Can you believe it? I was playing nicely, and Odie just got up and left!
ga911027 -- GARFIELD The Cat Drapes Shredded Ferns Eaten Naps Taken No Appointment Necessary!!! - - munch munch - ZOOM! - - ZOOM! - You can't stop what you don't see. -
ga911028 -- A cup of coffee and a beautiful sunrise! What more could you possibly need? - WHOP - Oh, yeah.
ga911029 -- Sigh - Life has passed ma by. - Of course, I had to hide a few times.
ga911030 -- I won't be home for lunch. - I'll be working as a towel boy at the birdbath. - It's times like this I'm glad he can't talk.
ga911031 -- I think all the creatures of the earth should try to get along, don't you, Garfield? Absolutely. - - COUGH
ga911101 -- I wish I had a little piece of land... - Abot a mile long, and an inch wide. - Yessir, my very own spaghetti farm.
ga911102 -- - - Thought I heard a doughnut.
ga911103 -- - RING*** - * RRING! * - Meow? - Meow meow meow - Here, it's for you. - Meow?
ga911104 -- - Which way did the mouse go? He went that way! - Just curious.
ga911105 -- Guests are a pain. - First they defile my water dish... - Then they want a tow.
ga911106 -- - Never fear, Jon, no mouse will ever get your cheese while I'm around! - No siree. Sigh
ga911107 -- - - You would be more convincing if you were moving. He's onto us.
ga911108 -- Watch out for the mouse. Riiiight. - - You know, Jon, Brazil must be lovely this time of year.
ga911109 -- - - I see the "strange mice" are back.
ga911110 -- - You lunch looks better than mine. - - - I want to sit there! - Your end of the couch looks more comfortable than mine. - Oh, sure, hog the floor!
ga911111 -- Boy, do I need a shave. - BZZZZZZZ Wait a minute! - Whaaa?I forgot I was a cat, okay?
ga911112 -- - Enjoying the fire, Garfield? Yup. - Kind of makes me wish we had a fireplace there.
ga911113 -- - - ?
ga911114 -- Z - I thought you were cutting down on your naps! I am! - I'm taking two four-hour naps instead of four two-hour naps.
ga911115 -- Ah, the industrious ant...always working. - SPLAT! - Take a break.
ga911116 -- Today on "Animal Kingdom," we go in search of... - The house cat. - Heeere kitty, kitty, kitty... There's nothing worse than a low-budget animal show.
ga911117 -- Ahem... Z - This is a dog. Z - And this is a dog whistle. Z - Observe. Z - fffff - It emits a sound discernible only to lower life forms. - Now this...is a dog trumpet. poing!
ga911118 -- Garfield, why aren't women attracted to me? - HEY! THAT'S MY BINKY THE CLOWN CUP! SNATCH! - MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! I think I've isolated your problem.
ga911119 -- I remember my first kiss. - Edna Radsnick...we were on her front porch. The moon was full...the moment had arrived...we embraced... - Our braced locked...she screamed... That's more like it.
ga911120 -- Cindy, this is Jon, your blind date for tonight. Anything special you'd like to know about me? - Uh, six feet, brown...one hundred seventy.five pounds. Red...decaffeinated...chocolate chip...unleaded... - My dental records? Whatever happened
ga911120 -- to "What's your sign"?
ga911121 -- * - I have a date. - With the bearded lady, or the alligator girl?
ga911122 -- I read the most fascinating article the other day... Good, Jon! Appeal to her intellect! - Did you know there are microscopic crawly things living in your eyebrows? - I have to go home now. Take me with you.
ga911123 -- Your hair is like a field of golden wheat in the sun...your eyes are like limpid pools of blue... - Your nose is like an ice pick stuck in a barn door. - Rats. - Should've skipped the nose and moved right to the lips.
ga911124 -- tap tap tap - Overture whirrrrr - First movement scoop scoop - Second movement SPLOT - And now, the grand finale! - GULP! - ENCORE! ENCORE!
ga911125 -- You've heard of the "Fountain of Youth"? - SIP - Meet the next best thing!
ga911126 -- And now the continuing saga of Jon's diary. - Monday: "Dear Diary, The dawn of a new week. The possibilities are limitless." - Tuesday: "Dear Diary, Today I got my lips stuck in the blender."
ga911127 -- Why was I created, Garfield? - What is my purpose in life? - SPLOT! To give other shope?
ga911128 -- Welcome to "Lying around with Garfield". - Today's topic, the joy of ceiling watching. - You are worthless. Now, let's stare at a light fixture.
ga911129 -- Garfield, we're going to the park. Whoopee - You know the rules. No flower stomping... - And... Yeah, yeah, no swan maiming.
ga911130 -- I'm depressed, Garfield. I need something to lift my spirits. - BOOT! - GARFIELD!  HEY! IT ALWAYS WORKS FOR ME!!
ga911201 -- Ahem. - I am honored to address this assembly of the United Nations. - And the millions watching by television. - I am Jon arbuckle, and I can't get a date to save my life.
ga911201 -- I also forgot to wear pants. - YAAAHHH! - Garfield, I just had a terrible nightmare! Not the one about the rubber pizzas?!
ga911202 -- - You're a wild man, Garfield! - New blanket.
ga911203 -- Everybody has a hobby. - Some race cars, some collect art... - And others, make toast. BWONNG! YEE-HA!
ga911204 -- You know, Garfield, the brain is a muscle. Give me a break. - Know how I keep my mind sharp? A wood rasp? - Connect the dots! You're a real intellectual.
ga911205 -- Sometimes I feel like a laughingstock, Garfield. - Look! There he is! HAW! HAW! HAW! - I'll be in my room. Big crowd today.
ga911206 -- Notice anything new, Garfield? Give me a hint. - Don't you think this pipe makes me look more sophisticated? - Sadly enough, I have to agree.
ga911207 -- Jon is deep in thought. - I wonder how they get those peanuts inside the shells? - Relatively speaking.
ga911208 -- YAWN - - - ZOOM! - YANK! THUD!!! CRAAAAASSH! tinklw tinkle tinkle WHUMP! WHUMP! - drag drag drag drag drag - Look! A snowflake! Christmas is coming!! I see it, I see it.
ga911209 -- NYAAH! - NYAAH! - AH HA! YOU *DID* EAT MY CANDY CANE!! Rats.
ga911210 -- - - These are not your presents. What makes you think I care?
ga911211 -- * KISS - Garfield, Santa brings toys to the little boys and girls who've been good all YEAR, not just the last two weeks. - THAT'S EXTORTION! I tell it like it is, baby cakes.
ga911212 -- Hey, Garfield! Now THERE'S a Christmas tree! - Just look at the trunk of this baby! - That's a telephone pole. Tis the season to be dippy.
ga911213 -- I did it! I fainally got a great looking tree! - And I got it half off! - What do you think? I think it's priced right.
ga911214 -- Okay, let's decorate the tree, Garfiedl. - THEY'RE ALIVE! THE DECORATIONS ARE ALIVE! - SLURO! Ha ha, Odie.
ga911215 -- - Okay, boys! Let's corate the treeeee! I'm hungry. Let's eeeeat. - Each icicle must be carefully placed. I subscribe to the school of "throw and go". - Odie, don't chew on that cord! Yeah, Odie, save room for the bubble lights. - We can't
ga911215 -- have a blue bulb next to a blue bulb, can we? Anything that doesn't get the tree on fire works for me, pal. - One thing I'll never understand, Garfield, in spite of all the chaos, the ugly tree and the the old decorations... - Everythig turns
ga911215 -- out perfectly. One of the mysteries of the universe.
ga911216 -- This is a mistletoe, Garfield. Watch, and I'll show you how it works. * DING DONG - SMOOCH - You make a lovely couple.
ga911217 -- Garfield will never find his present in this closet. - Thank you. - Waaaait a minute... CLICK!
ga911218 -- There's a present under the tree. I wonder who it's for? - Garfield - OHHHHH YEEEESSS!
ga911219 -- Could my present be a pony? Or, could it be my own TV? Or a new bed? Or a blanket? - - Or a cheese grater? Or silk pajamas?...
ga911220 -- thump thump thump thump thump thump - thump thump thump thump thump - Garfield! What are you doing to your gift? Just seeing if it's ripe.
ga911221 -- I wonder what my present is? I'll bet it's wonderful! - rattle rattle rattle - YES! THA tIS DEFINITELY A WONDERFUL SOUND!!
ga911222 -- - Time to decorate the house, Garfield! - Put the ladder there, pal. - Yessiree, we'll just get the old lights out, and... - - -
ga911223 -- How cute. Garfield fell asleep hugging his present. I'll put him to bed. Z - Z - Z
ga911224 -- Are you boys going to bed, oar are you going to wait up half the night on Santa? - -
ga911225 -- Could it be that I've built my expectations too high for what's actually in my gift? - Should I never open it in order to preserve the hope and magic that is the true gift of the Christmas season? - NAAAAH!
ga911226 -- How do you like your Christmas gift, Garfield? It's perfect! - It's beautiful! - It's me!
ga911227 -- I called to thank you for the Christmas gift, mom. - You really outdid yourself this time. - I didn't know you could crochet a suit. Someone should stop her.
ga911228 -- Guess what, mom... - I think Garfield actually likes the sweater you made him. - The shoulder pads won me over.
ga911229 -- - Sigh - Christmas is over, and new year's is almost here. - Sigh. - So it seems appropriate at this time to stop and reflect... - To reflect on those three words which represent the true meaning and spirit of the holiday season... - BOOGIE!
ga911229 -- BOOGIE! BOOGIE!
ga911230 -- My foot's asleep. - - And I'm jealous!
ga911231 -- - ABANDON SHIP!!! - THUD! Oops. Tide's out.
ga920101 -- That's enough tummy scratching for one day. - You mean I should turn over so you can scratch my back? - GET UP! You mean I should stand, so you can scratch my tummy AND my back?
ga920102 -- My legs! - I can't feel my legs!! - MEDIC!!! Very funny, Jon.
ga920103 -- The mailman is here! - - The mailman and his big dog are here!
ga920104 -- - - Beware Of Dog
ga920105 -- - - - - Garfield, what happenend to all the snow? I used it. - -
ga920106 -- Hey! The first snowflake of the season! - - ...followed by the first freak blizzard of the season.
ga920107 -- Garfield, take a look outside and see what the weather is like, . Did it snow last night? - Yes, it did.
ga920108 -- Ah, winter...the snowflakes gently falling... - The hills blanketed in white... - The cat's face frozen in the birdbath. Just get the ice pick.
ga920109 -- DOOF! - DOOF DOOF doof doof doof DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF - Might we have a word with "The Mad Doofer"?
ga920110 -- Garfield, hurry up! I'm getting tired! gripe gripe gripe - And I'm freezing, too! You can't rush art, you big crybaby. - The things I do for my pets. Hold still.
ga920111 -- Here's something for all you mischievous-yet-polite types out there. - - GARFIELD! I call it the "have a nice day" snowball.
ga920112 -- But is it art? - - spinnnnnnnnnnn - nnnnnnnnnnnnnn woog woog woog woog - woog woog woog woogitty woogitty woogitty - woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty - woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty
ga920112 -- woogitty - ALL RIGHT!!! I'LL FIX YOUR DINNER!! woogity woogity woogity
ga920113 -- I'm going to run five miles! - Big deal. I've done that. - Not all at once, but over my lifetime that sounds about right.
ga920114 -- The fair thing would be to split this cookie in half. What do you thik, Garfield? - I can't make decisions on an empty stomach. - That's better. Let's seeee... You're right. We should split it.
ga920115 -- Garfield, don't you think the mice in this house are getting out of hand? - - Define "out of hand".
ga920116 -- - Finally, a nice, peaceful meal. - CRUNCH! Have you seen my lucky rock?
ga920117 -- - - Yes, yes, the excitement level of this room rose dramatically upon my arrival.
ga920118 -- - RIP ACK! - GARFIELD! Call me "Spot"!
ga920119 -- - - - - - - - HELP! CHAIR! HELP! CHAIR! Never seen a chair go bad like that before. Back in '39 I had a hassock with an attitude.
ga920120 -- Know why I'm wearing a suit, Garfield? - All of your other clothes are dirty? - I'm going out! To buy another suit?
ga920121 -- I have a date with the most beautiful woman on the planet tonight! - - And which planet would that be? I heard that!
ga920122 -- Jon has a big date tonight. - He's choosing his wardrobe very carefully. - Garfield, should I wear the squirting of the exploding tie? We wouldn't want to make the wrong impression.
ga920123 -- Last night's date was like a fairy tale, Garfield. - At midnight she ran out of the restaurant. - She left one of her steel-toed work boots behind. Let's go to the foundry and find who it fits.
ga920124 -- I give up, Garfield. Depression. - Women are all alike. Anger. - To them I'm just another cute guy ion a great suit. Hallucinations.
ga910125 -- Did you know that pets are good for exercise? - BURP -
ga920126 -- Z - I'm hungry, make me breakfast. Z - Z - - - - I'm hungry, make me breakfast. YAAHHH!!!
ga920127 -- YAWN - After a full night's sleep I'm still sleepy. - That's not a complaint, mind you.
ga920128 -- ALRIIIIGHT! MY BED! - OH YES! OH YES! I'M GOING TO TAKE A NAP NOW! - I suggested that Garfield be more enthusiastic about life. Z
ga920129 -- Gee, that pizza delivery boy looke familiar. - This box is empty! - GARFIELD! You forgot to tip me.
ga920130 -- boing boing FRIENDLY DOG!! - boing SLURP boing lick SLURP! SLURK SLOORK boing boing lick - Save yourself, Jon! FRIENDLY DOG!!!
ga920131 -- As per your instructions, henceforth, I will no longer be scratching the furniture with my claws. - PUT DOWN THAT POWER SANDER!
ga920201 -- KILL CAT!! KILL CAT!! Do you have an appointment? - Uh, no. Sorry. - Darn. If I let you kill me without an appointment, I have to let everybody kill me without an appointment.
ga920202 -- - Odie! Time for dinner! - BARK! BARK! BARK! - CHOMP! SLURP! GULP! SLURP! - BURP! pant! pant! pant! pant! - - -
ga920203 -- This is the All Pet Network. - And now it's time for every cat's favorite show... - "HARASS THE DOG!" Finally...quality television.
ga920204 -- Don'T change the channel. - We know where you live... - The rating wars escalate.
ga920205 -- Just when you think they have televised every sport... - YOW! - There's blindfolded darts.
ga920206 -- Well, Garfield, we can get a good night's sleep... - Or we can stay up and watch "Revenge of the Killer Worms". - "Bait store owner learns not to tease the inventory". I'll make the popcorn.
ga920207 -- Hmmph, another movie about the heroic feats of a kind-hearted, lovable dog. - Why is it you never see anything like that about kind-hearted, lovable cats? - Move or die, bean brain.
ga920208 -- Only an idiot would watch a show this bad. - CLICK! - It was a rerun anyway.
ga920209 -- Ah! Dinner! - FWOING - Watch this move. - SHOONK - plop! SCHLUP! - GULP! * DING - I call it the "cash register".
ga920210 -- YAAAAAAAWWN - BURRRRRRRP... scratch scratch scratch - HAAAACK koff koff koff Cats say the cutest things.
ga920211 -- Hmmm...one scoop or two? - SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP  SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP - I'll leave ONE scoop.
ga920212 -- This calls for a mop. - - SCHLOP
ga920213 -- It says here, "People with pets live longer". - - Maybe it just seems longer.
ga920214 -- Dogs can do tricks. Why can't cats? - Says who? - Pick a card.
ga920215 -- - trip Oops. - munch munch Clumsy me.
ga920216 -- - - SHOONK! - Garfwiel! My lips are thtuck! Do thumthing! - Hmmmm - * - biddity biddity biddity biddity
ga920217 -- This, students, is the domesticated house cat. Z - Descendant of the mighty lion... Z - Now degenerated into this. Sad. I have a sudden urge to wake up and kill something.
ga920218 -- I want you to "get" that mouse, Garfield. - I think you know what I mean. Yes, I do. - Hey, mouse! Your mother dresses you funny!
ga920219 -- Here, Garfield, lure the mouse with this cheese. - - It doesn't seem to be working.
ga920220 -- What's this in my water bowl? - It appears to be an inner tube. - Is the pool closed? I'll never drink water again.
ga920221 -- A mouse, Garfield! Get it!! - - The mighty hunter. I think I strained my shoulder. Do we have any Liniment?
ga920222 -- It's been nice chatting with you, but now it's time for my lunch. - - Or maybe not.
ga920223 -- Is this my good side? - split! - splat! splot! - - - - Gee, that was fun, boys, but I gotta get ready for my date at seven. - Or was that six?
ga920224 -- Jon should be making my breakfast. Z - But it's hard for him to wake up. Z - Which is why god made the water balloons. Z
ga920225 -- SWAT! - I've invented the dogswatter! - With the help of my local assistant here.
ga920226 -- - - I wonder if other people's pets have wild mood swings? grrrr grrrr
ga920227 -- People say dogs are better at tricks than are cats. - - AS IF THAT WERE SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!!!
ga920228 -- Keep away from my food, Garfield! - Go on! Farther! - That's better.
ga920229 -- Here, Odie! Catch the ball. - Good boy! - munch munch munch
ga920301 -- The New Improved Garfield NOW WITH * Sharper Claws! * Bigger Appetite! * Larger Ego! - Lemon-Fresh Scent!! - Sigh - - - Sigh...everybody has a trophy but me. - - YAAAAAAHHH! BOOF! WHOMP! THUD! CRAAASH! - May I have a word with you, Garfield?
ga920302 -- I have a surprise for you, Garfield. Here's a hint. - MOO! MOOOOO!! OINK OINK buck-buck buck-AAW! - We're going to the farm! I thought you got a date.
ga920303 -- C'mon, Garfield, we still have to load the car! - Hurry up, will you?! Get real. - The only thing I do fast is go to sleep.
ga920304 -- - - Next trip you're riding in the trunk.
ga920305 -- It's a beautiful day in the country, Garfield. I'm dying. - Sun shining, birds singing... It won't be long now. - Isn't life grand? I should never have eaten that frog.
ga920306 -- Here are some sandwiches for your trip home. Thanks, mom. - And a sweater. Uh, thanks. - And a spare tire. MOM! She made it herself.
ga920307 -- Push-ups are good for you, Garfield! - Riiiight. - Who is he kidding?
ga920308 -- tie tie tie Z - twang twang Z - Z - BWOING kiss Z - WHOOSH! ? - BWOING YAAAHH! - WHOOSH! GARFIELD! WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?!! - Why, being your bungee buddy, you silly neener head.
ga920309 -- Ah, 'tis sleeping beauty! Z - SMACK! - tooey! tooey! tooey! And they lived happily ever after.
ga920310 -- Wow! That's some Sundae, Garfield! - But, I thought we were out of ice cream. - We are. There's a steak under there.
ga920311 -- Self-control is a noble quality. - BOOT! - It's also quite elusive.
ga920312 -- Garfield, don't you think you're a little too self-centered? - Me? Self-centered? - Get real.
ga920313 -- - CRASH! - Aim a little off today, Garfield? This takes like linoleum!
ga920314 -- Eating right is easy. - Each day I eat from the four basic food groups. - Breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.
ga920315 -- I am starving. - I wish I had a pizza. - WHUMP! - My wish has been granted! - Gee, what should I wish for next? - Some after dinner music would be nice. -
ga920316 -- We're a bit slow today, hon. - Our cook went home sick. Flu? - Anthrax. This is where I run screaming into the street.
ga920317 -- Irma, do you give free refills on coffee? - Interesting question. - No one's ever asked for a second cup. Antidote, please.
ga920318 -- What's good today, Irma? - - What's edible today, Irma? Try the meat loaf.
ga920319 -- Uh, Irma, I don't mean to complain... - But, there's a hoof in my meat loaf. - OH, NO! THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE! - Uh, Irma, I don't mean to complain...
ga920320 -- I'll have the spaghetti, Irma. - Do you want that on a plate? Of course I do! - WELL EXCUSE ME, MISTER PICKY! IS IT TOO MUCH TO BE ACCORDED THE SAME AMENITIES OTHERS GET?! I'M A PERSON TOO, YOU KNOW!! I'll just have a small slice of life,
ga920320 -- thank you.
ga920321 -- CHOMP CHOMP GOBBLE GULP - * BING! - Breakfast is over. Now lunch begins.
ga920322 -- - - - - pant pant pant - pant pant pant - pant pant pant Thank you, mister sauna mouth.
ga920323 -- Believe it or not, Garfield, the world does NOT revolve around you! - - Although you are big enough for it to! One shot at a time, please.
ga920324 -- Anything I can do, your majesty? Peel me agrape. - Pluck me achicken? I was being sarcastic. Barbecue me a heifer!
ga920325 -- Burp. - Garfield, where's my goldfish?! Uh, we did lunch. - There's nothing in the bowl! Just like him to skip out on the check.
ga920326 -- What happened here, Garfield?! - You wouldn't understand. - YOU'VE DESTROYED THE HOUSE! You figured it out!
ga920327 -- People have different ways of handling depression. - Some cry, some mope around. - CRASH! Some tie shoelaces together.
ga920328 -- I'm not tying Jon't shoelaced together anymore. - It's too dull. - Mister Funny MAn! I'm forginf new frontiers.
ga920329 -- - - - - -
ga920330 -- Look at those people going to work. - There's a word for such noble, hard-working folks... - "Peasants".
ga920331 -- The night stalker closes in on his prey. - SNAP - And spends the rest of the evening with his lips in a mousetrap.
ga920401 -- - - Darn gravity.
ga920402 -- Well, it took a lot of work. - But it's worth it. - Garfield's "Birdbath of Death".
ga920403 -- Z - Z - Z Oh, sure. Start without me!
ga920404 -- - I wonder if Jon will be able to fiy my alarm clock?... - Once I've broken it.
ga920405 -- tappity tappity tappity - Yah-tah-dah-tah-dah-tah-dah. - - ENCORE! ENCORE! - Gee! You lov emy act that much?! - SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! - Nah! We just hadn't used up all the fruit!
ga920406 -- New neighbors, Garfield. - Doesn't look good. - If the yak gets off the leash, I'm outta there.
ga920407 -- BEWARE OF THE DOG - Want to see the slides of my vacation? - YAAAAAHHHH!!!
ga920408 -- whine whine whine Here, Odie. I'll open the door for you. - whine whine whine -
ga920409 -- ** - * - I doidn't know you could whistle! I ate a canary. *
ga920410 -- I really don't get going until that first cup of coffee. - SLUP! - Not that I DO get going, but, I could get going if I wanted.
ga920411 -- You're making me look bad. - Sorry. - How's this? Better.
ga920412 -- - sip - - POIT! - SPROING! - HURRRK - FWEEEP - TWOOOOT - HARRRRF - whew! - - sip
ga920413 -- I think Jon's mad at me. - But, he should know better than to wake me so early in the morning. - Mare mar my lips?! I think your lips are under the sofa.
ga920414 -- - - Z
ga920415 -- YAWN - YAWM - Yawned too big.
ga920416 -- - I love helping Jon clean the refrigerator... - We make sandwiches out of everything! Now if I spread peanut butter on the pickles, the peas won't roll off...
ga920417 -- GARFIELD! - Did you eat my licorice? - Who, me?
ga920418 -- - - We're having some fun now.
ga920419 -- Z - Z - Z - Z Z - Garfield Z Z - Garfield Z Z - *** wap wap wap wap wap Z
ga920420 -- RUNAWAY, DOUGHNUT! - - CHOMP! It didn't have a chance.
ga920421 -- Time to feed Garfield! - Time to eat! - You're late again! - I gotta work on my timing.
ga920422 -- COOKIES Uh oh, my head is stuck! - I hope Jon rescues me... - Eventually. munch munch
ga920423 -- We're out of candy bars! - Contact the proper authorities! Appoint a special committee! Call a psychic! - I think maybe you should cut down on the snacks, Garfield. We're a bit overreactive, aren't we?
ga920424 -- SANDWICH!! - -
ga920425 -- - - Nice outfit. I accessorized myself.
ga920426 -- - smek! - phhhhht! - phhhhhht! - - - -
ga920427 -- We've run out of shows! - You'll just have to go out and live your lives instead of sitting there watching us! - Just kidding! Whew!
ga920428 -- Odie and I are playing "Prospecting for Gold". - PUSH! - Now we're playing "Pack mule gets too close to the ledge".
ga920429 -- And now, for your listening pleasure... - BURP! - You're disgusting! Critics!
ga920430 -- - AH-HA!! - He fainted.
ga920501 -- - Well, I'm here to do some of that adorable "cat stuff". - Let me know when it's time for my break.
ga920502 -- This story just in! - King Kong is climbing up the outside of the Empire State Building! - Apparently, he wouldn't fit into the elevator! Ha! Ha! - That happened to me!
ga920503 -- Yawn - You can KEEP your mondays... - Tuesdays, wednesdays, and thursdays are okay, I guess. - Fridays are even better, 'cause you know the weekend is coming. - And don't get me wrong...saturdays are great. - But as far as I'm concerned, you
ga920503 -- can't beat sunday afternoons. - The only time of the week when goofing off is mandatory.
ga920504 -- I'm depressed! - TOOT Really down in the dumps! - But still doing my job, folks! You're beginning to annoy me.
ga920505 -- Z Get up, Garfield! - - Does this count?
ga920506 -- Eat that cookie and die! - - Wrong! I feel fine!
ga920507 -- We have a very special guest today. - The inventor of the rmeote control! - CLICK
ga920508 -- - Hmmmm. - Would it depress you to know the mice have a nicer place than we do?
ga920509 -- - - He must have heard my condiments clink together.
ga920510 -- - - - - - Throw the ball, Garfield.
ga920511 -- It's remarkable how cats are able to keep themselves entertained. - - Tag. I', "it".
ga920512 -- You know what's disgusting? What? - Things covered with cat hair! How true. - Hey, wait a minute!
ga920513 -- Garfield, there's a cat hair in my food! - I know how you feel. - There's food in my cat hair.
ga920514 -- I seem to be shedding a lot. - I wonder if Jon has noticed. - Probably.
ga920515 -- Cats are so vain. - Garfield's been preening all day. - How you doing? These curlers are killing me!
ga920516 -- Deep down inside, the domestic cat remains a primal beast. - If you are wise, you will fear me. - If you want me, I'll be playing with my teddy bear.
ga920517 -- snifffffff - A bee! Go away! Shoo! Shoo!- - SHOOM! SLAM! - pant pant pant - Whew! -
ga920518 -- Good mornin, Jon. - Good morning, Garf-YAAAAAHHHH!!! - TAKE OUT MY CONTACT LENSES!!
ga920519 -- Here, Garfield. This is a new kind of cat food. - GULP! - Funny...it doesn't SOUND any different.
ga920520 -- On long road trips some people like to read, some people like to sing... - BUMP BUMP BUMP - I like to loosen luk nuts.
ga920521 -- I Told you, Garfield, you can't come in with me! Now wait there! - Mr, Arbuckle, is that your car alarm? HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK No. - AND LAY OFF THE HORN!!! HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK
ga920522 -- Jon, I accidentally dropped you great-great-grandmother's gravy boat. - I'm sorry. - You never liked this gravy boat, did you? Had to accidentally drop the sucker 47 times.
ga930523 -- BANZAI! - SPLOOSH! - Why didn't you warn me we were having soup?
ga920524 -- dingle dingle dingle - dingle dingle - bowk! SCREEE - plop dingle - ? Ahhhh... pat pat pat - DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE - DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE
ga920525 -- Hey, Odie. I have an idea. - Let's put on a disguise and sneak up on Jon's lunch. - Nice try, guys. Oh, well, at least we can eat the costume.
ga920526 -- Watch this one, Odie! - TOING THOCK SPLOT Let's go see what we hit. - Here, Odie! Take it! Take it! Take it!
ga920527 -- Having a dog can provide a sense of security. - I sleep better at night having Odie around. - Yeah. He bores me too.
ga920528 -- Meow meow. Bark bark bark . - HEE HEE HEE HEE - SPEAK ENGLISH!
ga920529 -- GIANT RAT! - - Did I mention I shaved Odie?
ga920530 -- Watch this, Garfield. - Shake, Odie! - Isn't that great?! Big deal. Get me a pen and I'll give you an autograph.
ga920531 -- - - - - - - Good morning, Jon.
ga920601 -- - YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!! - Having a little paranoia for breakfast, Jon?
ga920602 -- Somebody ate the piece of cake I was saving. - - Any suspects, Sherlock?
ga920603 -- - The soup is too cold. - But I wouldn't cry about it.
ga920604 -- Here's a story about some lost explorers. They got so hungry, they resorted to cannibalism. - - Stay away from me. Just keep the bowl full.
ga920605 -- woob woob woob woob woob - SCHLOPP! - woob woob woob
ga920606 -- I ATE TOO MUCH! I'M GOING TO EXPLODE!! - Burp. - Thank goodness no one was harmed. You can all go back to your homes now. There's nothing more to see.
ga920607 -- Sniff. Gesundheit. - ding dong - - SLAM! - ding dong - Yes? - SLAM! -
ga920608 -- Z - ONE MORE TIME!! - Z
ga920609 -- Hello there, Mr. Lazy. - Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. - Hog dandruff! My lawyers, however, feel otherwise.
ga920610 -- z - You need to add more excitement to your life, Garfield. Z!
ga920611 -- Garfield, when it comes to doing nothing, nobody can outdo you. - - I hope you're not waiting for a response.
ga920612 -- How'd you like to be a bear, Garfield? Every winter you could sleep four months straight. - Don't be ridiculous. - YEAH, THAT WOULD BE CUTTING BACK, WOULDN'T IT?! Z
ga920613 -- You may think of food as just something to eat. - But it's more than that. - It's nap fuel.
ga920614 -- I'm a simple cat... - I really don't want much for my birthday.. - Just a simple cake. - A two layer cake with strawberry icing... - And a cherry on top. PING! - That's all... - Just a siomple cake.
ga920615 -- So, Garfield, you're going to be fourteen this week, huh? Thank you for reminding me. - Four-teen...wow-tee. Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen, fouuuuuuur-teeeeeen. - A teense sensitive, are we?
ga920616 -- Mom made you a tie for your birthday, Garfield. A TIE?! - Oh well, I guess it's the thought that counts. - And these cuff links. I must remember to send her a thank-you bomb.
ga920617 -- Happy birthday, Garfield! - By the way, may I borrow your golf clubs? Sure. - RIGHT AFTER I'M FINISHED WITH THEM!
ga920618 -- A birthday card! How nice! - Happy birthday, you big nut. Open this card and get a... - SPLUT!
ga920619 -- Happy birthday, Garfield! Ready for your cake? Just a minute! - Okay! - Bring that sucker on!
ga920620 -- It took all week. - But I finally got a birthday gift I like. - Racing stripes on my bed!
ga920621 -- Z - Z - YAWN - - - - Ever have a day when you're not sure which side of the looking glass you're on?
ga920622 -- Cooking pot on the head! - CLANG!! CLANG!! CLANG!! - You're not laughing.
ga920623 -- I went for a physical today, Garfield. - Guess what they found? - LAST NIGHT SOMEONE PAINTED MY TOENAILS! Let me see the face you made.
ga920624 -- Boredom inspector! - Hmmmm. - Keep up the good work. pat pat
ga920625 -- - SNIFF - You're weird! Checking his breath for candy.
ga920626 -- - There. - I can always sense when Jon is going away for the weekend.
ga920627 -- Watch how Jon's face lights up when I enter the room. - - Okay, maybe "lights up" was a poor choice of words.
ga920628 -- - CLICK! - fluff fluff fluff - YAWN - FLOP! - GOOD MORING, GARFIELD!!! TIME TO GET UP! - I'd like sleep even better if I were awake to enjoy it.
ga920629 -- Have you ever noticed how quietly cats can move about? - CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! - I certainly never have.
ga920630 -- Garfield, fetch m yslippers. Sorry, cats don't fetch slippers. - I will however, fetch the fetcher.
ga920701 -- Ah! - It must be fulfilling to have a warm, loving cat on your lap. - I've lost the feeling in my legs. You're welcome.
ga920702 -- Did you know cats can talk? We just don't choose to. - Garfield, I'm home! Who cares?! - If we did, NOBODY would like us.
ga920703 -- It says in this cat book that cats are sleek, svelte animals. - - What happened to you? I can't read! Okay?!
ga920704 -- Garfield, how come you rarely meow? That's silly talk. - Other cats meow. They have no dignity. - C'mon, meow for me. First you goo-goo for me.
ga920705 -- - TWANG - - brush brush brush brush - TWANG -  brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush - - TWANG
ga920706 -- I've made a list of 15 things about Jon that annoy me. - - I've made a list of *16* things about Jon that annoy me.
ga920707 -- Jump, Garfield, jump! - - C'mon, jump! I just did.
ga920708 -- Yes, I glued Jon's finger up his nose. Z - Yes, it's disgusting. Yes, I'll regret it. Z - YAAAH! But, for now, let's enjoy the moment.
ga920709 -- I remember the day I picked you up, Garfield. - It was a tough decision. Really? - It was between you and the iguana. I could have lived the res of my life without knowing that, Jon.
ga920710 -- click - How do you like this suit, Garfield? - click
ga920711 -- I interrupt your meaningless life for this important announcement. - My dinnertime is in 20 minutes. Don't be late. - I now return you to your regularly scheduled doldrums.
ga920712 -- OK, Odie, let's check the list to make sure we've got everything. - Turkey baster, bubble gum, feather duster. arf arf arf - ...raw liver, rubber bands, duct tape. arf...arf...arf - ...moth balls, a nine iron, and the live trout. arf arf arf
ga920712 -- - Great! That's all of it! Let's go! Z - I'd explain this, but it gets kind of technical. - Z - YAAAHH!! OKAY! OKAY! I'M UP!!!
ga920713 -- Remember, you stupid talking scale, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. - - I can't win.
ga920714 -- I wonder how I'd look without this stomach. - -
ga920715 -- Give me some good news for a change. - Congratulations! - You just gave birth to another chin!
ga920716 -- Garfield, your stomach is disgusting! - You can't even see your feet! Oh, yes I can. - There they are!
ga920717 -- - You've gained weight, but, hey, who hasn't? - These new talking scales with the sympathy chips are great!
ga920718 -- The batteries are low. Looks like we'll have to weigh you another day. - Whew! A reprieve! - Whew! A reprieve!
ga920719 -- - DINNER! - FLOMP! - Hup! - EEERRRRGH - - It's diet time. Are you speaking to me?
ga920720 -- Z - - I know! I know! Diet time
ga920721 -- You know, Garfield, dieting is psychological. - I have something to help you. - Why is it I have a sudden craving for corn?
ga920722 -- You may have a salad. - - Pork chops aren't considered a salad! I have much to learn.
ga920723 -- COOKIE CRUMB! - BANZAI! - COME TO PAPA! - Diet getting to you, Garfield?
ga920724 -- I'm proud to report I've gained only one pound! - - With Garfield, the goal of a diet isn't losing weight, it's slowing down the gain.
ga920725 -- Here's a diet quiz, Garfield. - Would you turn in your best friend for a jelly doughnut? - I'd visit you on weekends. I think I know the answer to that one.
ga920726 -- beep beep boop gurgle urgle urgle - Okay, Garfield, I figured it out, you may go off your diet. REALLY? - YAAAH-HOO... - YES!! YES!! YES!! YES!! - WHOOPEE!! WHOOPEE!!! - ALL RIGHT!!! ALL RIGHT!!! - It would be a good idea to exercise though.
ga920726 -- What?! Are you crazy?
ga920727 -- - GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! - You have a problem, Garfield. - Well, wake up, sleepyhead!
ga920728 -- Ah, nature! - - Needs vacuuming.
ga920729 -- You should exercise more. - - More than that?
ga920730 -- - We're out of cookies! - And I think that last one was a coaster.
ga920731 -- Giant scorpions! - The wolfman is headed this way! - King Kong has a head cold and wants to borrow your handkerchief! I'm not moving till I finish this sandwich.
ga920801 -- - - I hate birds.
ga920802 -- RAH - - Hi, Garfield. Yo. - Whew. Oh, no! - He's been waiting for this moment. - Look at him...like a snake ready to strike. - What's he waiting for? Why doesn't he just say it and get it over with?!! - Hot enough to fry a cat on a sidewalk.
ga920802 -- AARRRGH!
ga920803 -- So, doctor, are dogs more intelligent than cats? - Well, dogs scored very high in testing. ...and cats? - Well, they wouldn't take the test. We have nothing to prove.
ga920804 -- - - WHAP! Pretty good hang time on that kick.
ga920805 -- Garfield, that woman is winking at me! - It's love at first sight! - Dust in her contact lens. I ate your dessert.
ga920806 -- This should keep those mice out. - They'll never steal my lunch now. - Unless they charter a plane.
ga920807 -- I'm going to open my fortune cookie now, Garfield. Go for it, big guy. - Ah, what good news awaits? crik BURP - "A runaway hubcap from a speeding car will lodge itself up your nose". Promise you'll wake me.
ga920808 -- Well, Garfield, for dinner you ate all the food in the house. - That's poor planning! No, it's not. - What are you going to do in the morning, huh? I plan to sleep through breakfast.
ga920809 -- - - - CRASH! - click click click - - No matter how many times I see it, I'm still amazed.
ga920810 -- People who have simple pleasures should be admired. - ** FUZZY BUNNY SLIPPERS!...CUTE BUNNY SLIPPERS!...COMFY BUNNY SLIPPERS! ** - ...and then executed.
ga920811 -- Soup? - - Is this a hint? You're getting dangerously close to lunch time.
ga920812 -- You are watching the National Dog Channel. - And now the headlines... - Cats spread disease! I hate biased reporting.
ga920813 -- Watch it, cat! I have Fido with me today! - Well, bring on this Fido * Heere, Fido! - Mail's here.
ga920814 -- Well, it's friday night. - OOOH! AAHHH! WOO! WOO! OOOOHH! - THERe IT IS! Time for a rousing game of "find the ice cube".
ga920815 -- Here. - All I can say is, I'm sorry. - What is this?
ga920816 -- GARFIELD! DINNER! - - kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss - HUGGG - - -
ga920817 -- Ladies and gentlemen...Mr. Excitement! - I reckon it might rain...unless the sun comes out, of course. - Go back to your homes! Mr. Excitement has spoken!
ga920818 -- Today on "Wildlife," my assistant, Bubba, will ford this river. - AIEEE!! - My, aren't those piranha busy little fellas! I never liked Bubba.
ga920819 -- Billy writes to ask Professor Astronomy, "how many stars are there in the universe?" - Excellent question, Billy! - Let's see...one...two...three...four... I hope this isn't one of those two-parters.
ga920820 -- Remember Cindy? The girl who said she couldn't go out with me tonight? I just saw her at the store. - * - Heey! She didn't have brain surgery after all! A dim bulb brightens.
ga920821 -- - - This tastes funny. If you add water, it makes its own gravy.
ga920822 -- I'm so dull, I'm almost invisible. - - Who said that?
ga920823 -- - Garfield! - Garfield! - GARFIELD!! - GARFIELD!! - - supper time. - ZIP
ga920824 -- Jon! My favorite person!... - In this room... - ...at the moment. He's crazy about me.
ga920825 -- There's no place like home. - - We can only hope.
ga920826 -- My wallet! - What would a cat want with a wallet? - Genuie cowhide.
ga920827 -- Oh, Garfield. - What happened to my chair? - Well, first of all, I don't think "chair" is the correct descriptive term anymore.
ga920828 -- - YOU'RE STANDING ON MY FOOT!! - My, we're rather self-absorbed today, aren't we?
ga920829 -- I'm watching television with a cat. - It's saturday night. I'm watching television with a cat! - And reality rears its ugly head. I'M WATCHING TELEVISION WITH A CAT!!
ga920830 -- Z - Z - Rats! I woke up right before my alarm was set to go off! - I hate it when that happens...I should just get up now. - But I do still have a few min...u...t...e...s ... l...e...f...t... - Z - BRIIINNG!!
ga920831 -- Garfield, my high school is having a class reunion! Want to come along? - - There'll be a buffet. Oh. Okay.
ga920901 -- All the guys on the team had nicknames. - "Flash"..."Bruiser"..."Rock"... - Here's me. "Zit"?
ga920902 -- This is Harold Melsnick. - He used to call me a loser! - This is me at the prom. - Lovely dress your mother is wearing.
ga920903 -- Did you bring your wife to the reunion, Arbuckle? Nope. - Girlfriend? Actually, I brough my cat. - HEY, ARBUCKLE BROUGHT A CAT! I sense hostility.
ga920904 -- Wait till you meet Drizella Skagway. She was alittle skinny but she had a crush on me in high school! - Hey, Wheezer, have you seen Drizella? Yeah. She's over there. - Where?! Right there. You hung your coat on her.
ga920905 -- Gary Barker! How about this reunion? Ha ha ha! - HAW! HAW! HAW! HA! I could always crack Gary up. - HAW! HAW! Gary...uh Gary? We need a net over here.
ga920906 -- "Garfield" Mmmmh - There's only one reason I came to this high school reunion, Garfield. - ...Jennifer Hamilton! - I worshipped her she thought I was a nerd. Go figure. - Wait 'till she sees how suave I've become. - There she is! I've dreamed
ga920906 -- of this moment for years! - Hi, Jon. Remember me? stomp stomp stomp GAH GAH GAH Some things never change.
ga920907 -- Yes, Jennifer, since high school I've become somewhat of a sophisticate. - I've matured in- HEY, CRAPFACE! - REMEMBER THETIME YOU BLEW YOUR NOSE IN THE SCHOOL FLAG? Later, wheezer.
ga920908 -- Hey, Crapface, sure is a great class reunion, huh? Sure is, Wheezer. - Remember the time I threw your pants into the girl's locker room? Yeah, you were young and crazy then. - NOW YOU'RE JUST CRAZY! I love nostalgia.
ga920909 -- ELMO! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! GOOD TO SEE YOU! My name's not Elmo. - Oh, of course...GEORGE! Nope. ED! Nope. FRANK! Nope, it's Jon. - RIIGHT! JON! WHY, YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT! Who the heck are you?
ga920910 -- Mrs. Fronzak, my old English teacher! - What are you doing at the class reunion? Waiting for that overdue term paper, Jonny. - My, uh, cat ate it! Leave me out of this!
ga920911 -- Mrs, Fronzak, I didn't know teachers were invited to the class reunion. I'm here on official business. - I'm the chaperone. The what? - HEY! HEY! CUT THAT OUT, YOU TWO! Mrs Fronzak, they're married.
ga920912 -- Watch this, Garfield! I'll show my old classmates I still have all the moves! - BOOGIE! BOOGIE! BOOGIE! - Let's boogie on home. I'll lead.
ga920913 -- click - ? click click click - Ha! The batteries in the remote control must be dead! - Is it possible you just might have to walk across the entire room to change the channel?! Heave forbid! - So what are yougoing to do now, huh?! - I had to
ga920913 -- ask.
ga920914 -- - Have you ever wondered why pets will suddenly run from one room to another? - That ought to keep him wondering.
ga920915 -- Now all my kite needs is a tail. - - Is it raining? Nope. It's drooling.
ga920916 -- Garfield! My shaving cream! - We're playing "Rabid Coyotes". - What am I to do?! Find us some sheep!!
ga920917 -- - - CRASH! I tampered with his brakes.
ga920918 -- I've been a good influence on the boys. - Thy've become very cultivated. - However, I'm getting sick of "Swan Lake".
ga920919 -- Okay, Odie, let's try out this new flea spray. - It says here to shake well before using. - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE
ga920920 -- munch munch munch - Sit, Odie! - Shake, boy! - Sit up! - Lie down! - Roll over! - Good boy!
ga920921 -- EEEEEEEK!!! - That sounded like the mailman. - You're weird. That's no way to talk to a person in uniform.
ga920922 -- From now on, call me "Mister Fun"! - - "Mister Fun" is sorting his socks.
ga920923 -- I don't feel like cooking tonight, Garfield. - We'll have spaghetti and meatballs from the can. - In some cultures they eat cats. Not from the can, I'll bet.
ga920924 -- I think that cloud looks just like a cloud. - - Which one?
ga920925 -- I'm leaving. - - But I'll be back. Rats.
ga920926 -- I'm sleepy. - And hungry. - Z
ga920927 -- - BWEEP! BWEEP! BWEEP! - Captain, our sensors have picked up something! Go to visual! - Woah! What is that thing?! It appears to be a hideous blob of fat, sir! - FIRE PHASERS! - Phasers have no effect, sir! - I hate you. Sir, I'm picking up
ga929927 -- some hostile readings.
ga920928 -- Garfield, do you know there's a mouse in the garbage? I think so... - ** Oh, there's a mouse in the garbage, and I don't caaare... * - I'm glad I couldn't hear that. Do you know "There's a yak in the pantry"?
ga920929 -- - - Where's the TV? You don't want to know.
ga920930 -- drill drill drill drill - - - - sniffffff - GOOSH!
ga921001 -- - What's this? - BLAT!
ga921002 -- - - Rent
ga921003 -- I see you're ready to pounce, Garfield. - You bet! - They're baking a cake!
ga921004 -- Z - Garfield... Z - Dinner. POING! - SHOOM! - GULP! - SHOOM! - Z Amazing.
ga921005 -- YAAAAAHHH!!! - What a horrible nightmare! I dreamed I lived with a human who... - YAAAAAAHHHH!!!
ga921006 -- - - Am I boring you, or are you boring me?
ga921007 -- - - That's the biggest slingshot I've ever seen.
ga921008 -- Cheer up, Garfield! Let a smile be your umbrella! - That's what my aunt Edna used to say. - Till a bolt of lightning blew her dentures clean through the garage door.
ga921009 -- A beautiful evening, Garfield. - Full moon...warm breeze... - The neighbors taking sledgehammers to the lawn ornaments. Get away from there!
ga921010 -- - - playing hide-and-seek with Odie is no big challenge.
ga921011 -- Now THAT'S a recliner. - - shake shake - poomp poomp - poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp - - - Of course.
ga921012 -- MOUSE! - Yes? - He runs fast for a fat guy.
ga921013 -- Okay, mouse...this is it! - crash! -
ga921014 -- I'll show those stupid mice. NOK NOK - What's the password? Iggy sent me. - Sorry, that was LAST week's password.
ga921015 -- - - Duplex.
ga921016 -- - -
ga921017 -- - - I'm sorry. Were you using that chair.
ga921018 -- - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - Bark bark arf arf arf. - Woof woof bark ark ark ark - Bark-bark BOW-WOW-WOW! - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA - TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - SPLUT! SPLUT! SPLUT! - I gotta find a new opening act. BOO! BOOO! BOO! BOO!
ga921019 -- They say happiness is contagious! - - Or is that the flu? The flu.
ga921020 -- Dinner! - -
ga921021 -- - This looks like a good place to make camp. - munch munch munch munch
ga921022 -- Garbage...junk...garbage...junk...garbage...junk... click click click click click click - AH! - Trash!
ga921023 -- This is my aunt Lillian. Who cares? - A very unusual lady. Right. - She used to braid her eyebrows. All right, I'll look.
ga921024 -- - - He's so cute!
ga921025 -- - - - - - DECIDE! - Some decisions should't be rushed.
ga921026 -- Watch this. - tap tap snicker snicker - YAAHHH!
ga921027 -- sneak sneak sneal - tap tap snicker snicker - YEEEEK!!
ga921028 -- BOO! - SLUUURRRRP! - SNAP!
ga921029 -- BOO! - Nice try, Garfield. But you're not getting my food. -
ga921030 -- You can't fool me, Jon! I know that's you! - YAAAH! - Gotcha
ga921031 -- You show me your ugly mask, and I'll show you mine. - -
ga921101 -- - HOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo What's that sound?! - What sound? - That eerie, low lament of some lifeless demon bent on entering our house and dragging us into the dark night. - ARROOOOOOOO - Now what's THAT sound? Oh, shut up.
ga921102 -- Think about it, Garfield... - Where would you be without me? - More toward the middle of the chair.
ga921103 -- - - He seems almost lifelike. I hate you.
ga921104 -- - You're collecting dust. - And does anybody say "thank you"?!
ga921105 -- - Get up, Mister Lazy. - Let me sleep!
ga921106 -- BOING - - Z - Stalking the wild nap.
ga921107 -- I've decided to become more cute and cuddly from now on. - - So, how am I doing?
ga921108 -- Sigh - Ah, night noises...crickets chirping... chirp chirp chirp chirp - The ticking of the clock... tick tick tick - The hous settling creeeeeeeeek... - The breeze through an open window... woooooooosshh - An owl hooting in the distance...
ga921108 -- HOOT HOOT - CHIRP CHIRP HOOT TICK TICK TICK CHIRP CHIRP WOOOOOOOSHHHH CREEEEEEEEK! HOO TICK TICK
ga921109 -- I'm bored with myself, Garfield. - I need a new look. - That's not what I meant.
ga921110 -- Garfield, I'm changing my image! You have one? - I'm going macho! Please, I just ate. - Maybe I'll get a tattoo. How about "born to whine"?
ga921111 -- You know, Garfield, a macho man has a trophy wall of wild game. That's not an animal. - I bagged this Aussie Jackrabbit at 200 yards in the outback. That's your old bunny slipper. - At no small risk to life and limb. "In loving memory of
ga921111 -- Lefty".
ga921112 -- Notice anything different about me, Garfield? - You put your nose drops in your eyes again? I'm squinting! All macho guys squint! - THUD! Dumb place for a coatrack. My hero.
ga921113 -- Maybe if I use a blow-dryer and styling mousse, I can make my hair more mach! - VOOOOO - Well? It's a start.
ga921114 -- I know! I'll turnup my collar!! snap! - All macho guys turn up their collars! - now I can't breathe. That's a small price to pay for machohood.
ga921115 -- psssst - Let's see now...got my macho leather jacket, got my hair combed...macho style... - Got my macho shades, got my macho gold chains... - Got my macho cowboy boots, and got my macho wheels! - Okay, Garfield, let's go! You pull, and I'll
ga921115 -- pose! - Ladieeees. They always come out on warm days.
ga921116 -- Y'know, Garfield, the more zippers a man has, the more macho he is! - Take a gander at this outfit. It has six gajillion zippers! - pat pat pat pat Now where did I put my keys? This could take months!
ga921117 -- - - Nope, I still feel depressed. Can we take the hats off now?
ga921118 -- - YEEOW! - Hot zipper.
ga921119 -- I look back on my life with regrets. - All those wasted years. - All that time spent awake.
ga921120 -- fluff fluff fluff - fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff -
ga921121 -- I wonder if Garfield knows I have pizza in the oven. - - I wonder if Jon knows I ate his pizza. He doesn't suspect anything.
ga921122 -- - HONK! - VROOM! - ZOOM! - BEEEEP! - Whew! -
ga921123 -- Oh, we're going to the beach...we're going to the beach... fuh fuh fuh - Ohhhh, we're going to the. fuh fuh fuh - fuh fuh fuh bbbEEEEEEE
ga921124 -- YEEHAAAA! I hate the beach. - SPLOOSH! - EEEEK! But, it does have it's moments.
ga921125 -- On this beach you have surf nuts, beach bums... - I TOUCHED SEAWEED!! - And sand dweebs.
ga921126 -- YAAAAAAHHH!!! - SPLOOOOOSH! - So, how was bodysurfing?
ga921127 -- Do you think I'm getting a sunburn, Garfield? Only one way to tell. - SLAP! - YEEEEOOOOW! You're getting a sunburn.
ga921128 -- - Burying people in the sand is fun, huh? Yup. - What shall we do next? Wait for the high tide.
ga921129 -- Sigh - I don't like this beach, Garfield. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I hate my swimsuit. But, the knees were worn out of your old one. - The lifeguard kicked sand in my face. I'll have a word with her. - Those people told me to put my shirt on.
ga921129 -- Well, they were eating. - The I went swimming and got seaweed up my nose. It was pretty funny when the kids ran away screaming. - Let's go home. As soon as Odie finishes rolling on the dead fish.
ga921130 -- - - I TOLD you not to eat your ice cream all in one bite.
ga921201 -- Do you thin it's easy being a cat? - WELL, DO YOU? - Yeah, you're right.
ga921202 -- BEWARE OF DOG - BEWARE OF DOG -
ga921203 -- And now for a twenty hour nap. - - Remember, I'm a professional. Don't try this at home.
ga921204 -- When Garfield is awake, he's a fat disgusting pig. - But when he's asleep, he looks just like an angel. - A fat, disgusting angel. Z
ga921205 -- - - I'm getting organized. To Eat Eaten
ga921206 -- GASP! - HO!! NO!! - ZWIP - slap slap slap slap slap - Z Z - WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!!
ga921207 -- C'mon Garfield, let's play! Play? - Play, as in to exert energy for no apparent reason? - Is that a "no"? Sweat is sweat.
ga921208 -- Poor Jon... - Outside...with no umbrella... - BAM! BAM! BAM! And the doors and windows all locked.
ga921209 -- Odie looks good in a hat. - -
ga921210 -- Lookin' good there, fella. - You're big, you're beautiful, and people love you. - I'm a popicle with hair.
ga921211 -- You are lazy, Garfield, and you can't deny it! - I can so deny it! - I just don't feel like it, that's all.
ga921212 -- - - I have a hair dryer, and I'm dangerous!
ga921213 -- Z - Z Ahem - YAHHH! Good morning, Jon! Guess what? It's the Christmas season! - And I'm gonna be nice to you... - So that Santa will bring yours truly lots of stuff! - Here's breakfast in...oops! - Uh, let's keep this our little secret, okay?
ga921214 -- - - Christmas is coming.
ga921215 -- We're looking for a Christmas tree. How about an artificial one? - What's the difference? You don't have to water an artificial tree. - So? We don't water the real ones anyway.
ga921216 -- Let's see now...where should we put the tree? - How about over there, where we put last year's tree? - Sounds good.
ga921217 -- * Ah, the traditional "bringing the Christmas decorations down from the attic". - * - Along with the also-traditional "finding of the big, hairy spider in the box".
ga921218 -- Join us now, won't you? - In our traditional holiday search... - For the one bad bulb in a string of five zillion that makes the others go out.
ga921219 -- Christmas is a time of traditions. - Some old, some new, some universal... - And some from the lunatic fringe. C'mon, Garfield! Put yours on!
ga921220 -- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR - RRGGGGGGGGGGGGG - GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
ga921221 -- Look, Garfield! - A Christmas card from mom and dad! I could have guessed that. - You don't see many cards with Santa in bib overalls.
ga921222 -- What could be more traditional than the hanging of a Christmas wreath on the door? - -
ga921223 -- Santa shouldn't have any trouble at our house tomorrow night! - I'll turn on the Christmas lights so he can see our roof...I'll leave out milk and cookies in case he's hungry...and...oh, yeah. - I'll grease the chimney.
ga921224 -- No way I'm gonna miss seeing Santa this year! - If I have to, I'll stay...awake...all... - Z
ga921225 -- SSSMM - MAACK!! - Gotcha! Merry Christmas! Jim Davis.
ga921226 -- So, Garfield... - How do you like the turtleneck sweater mom made you for Christmas? - Too much neck, not enough turtle.
ga921227 -- * - * - ** - * - *** - - Let it go, Garfield.
ga921228 -- I was thinking about mortality. Oh, great. - What would I ever do if Garfield passed on? Gee... - Then I started thinking...lawn ornaments. I'll outlive him if it kills me.
ga921229 -- Tonight I'll be miming the news! - - What the?... Either aliens have landed or the aarvark's pants are too short.
ga921230 -- Jon got another fern. - You have to admire his perserverance. - And pity his stupidity.
ga921231 -- - - What are you waiting for? Midnight.
ga930101 -- This year I resolve to sleep no more than eight hours a day! - So let's see...eight hours a day times 365, divided by 24...is...121 and 2/3 days! - Going to bed? Yup. Wake me on may third.
ga930102 -- It's a beautiful morning! - - Wake me in the ugly afternoon.
ga930103 -- Have A Nice Day Shut Up And Pour - - Yes, stamp collecting can be very rewarding... - EEEEEEEEEEEK!!! - HELP! HELP! MY DATE IS TALKING ABOUT STAMPS! - There, there dear...you can sit at our table. Oh, thank you! - - I collect bottle caps. OH
ga930103 -- SHUT UP!
ga930104 -- I'm tired of scratching you, Garfield. scratch scratch scratch - Fascinating. - scratch scratch scratch
ga930105 -- - bonka bonka bonka bonka bonka bonka THUD! - Odie can make good time down the stairs now that they're buttered.
ga930106 -- Yesterday I filled the cookie jar. Now there's only one left. - So what's your excude, Garfield? - No excude. I just missed it, that's all.
ga930107 -- Oops! I dropped my sandwich on the floor. - Well, ALMOST on the floor. - Nice diving catch, Garfield. Thanks!
ga930108 -- This is The National Cat Network - Now back to our feature presentation... - "Lassie Crosses the Freeway". I'm rooting for the trucks.
ga930109 -- An unguarded hamburger! - - Cat food! Gotcha.
ga930110 -- Oh, Gaaaarfieeeeld! - - - scoop scoop - pack pack - Okay! Your - turn.
ga930111 -- Garfield, what do you think of our refrigerator? It keeps the food off the floor. - Do you think we should get a new one? Do you think air will catch on as a breathing medium? - What say we go shopping? Jo, you don't "shop" for a
ga930111 -- refrigerator, you make a commitment.
ga930112 -- I'm looking for a new refrigerator. I see. Anything specific? - - Do you have any with alarms and a time lock?
ga930113 -- I love refrigerator shopping! - I wonder what this lever does? - How convenient.
ga930114 -- I don't know, Jon. - As refrigerators go, I guess it's okay. - But, don't they have anything bigger?
ga930115 -- For the dieter, here's a fridge with a full-length mirroe. Absurd. - For the indecisive diner, this one features a peephole. Silly. - And for the cat owner...a pet door. Practical.
ga930116 -- Now this fridge has a 19" TV installed right in the door. - And for the hopelessly decadent... - A roll away bed! What? No hot tub?
ga930117 -- Attention! Attention! - This meeting of the Loyal Order of Dog Haters is now in session! - First, a special thanks to Lily for bringing the rats and milk tonight. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - Now let's recite our oath. "Do unto dogs...then
ga930117 -- run!" - Old business: Let's hear it for Roscoe, who sat on a chihuahua last week! clap clap clap clap - New business: Dog joke...how many dogs does it take to replace a light bulb? One...if you screw him in real tight! ...meeting adjourned!
ga930117 -- HAW HA HA HAR HAW HA HA - Who says cats aren't civic-minded?
ga930118 -- Monday check. - SPLUT! HA! - FOOLEd YOU!
ga930119 -- I am the master of the house due to my superior intelligence! - - Your pants are on backwards.
ga930120 -- I'll get it! - Hello? ...sorry, he's eating. He can't be disturbed. - That was rude? Tell me about it. They always call at mealtime.
ga930121 -- - SWISH! - hop hop hop hop
ga930122 -- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Jon had a new shirt. - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! - He's always like that till he finds all the pins.
ga930123 -- - WELL, I THINK I'LL EAT A BIRD! - I gotta stop talking to myself.
ga930124 -- - Hey, Garfield. Yo. - Do you know that easy chair we have? You mean that big purple scratching post in front of the T.V.? - Well, mom thought it looked a little threadbare... It's just starting to get some personality. - So, she made a
ga930124 -- slipcover for it. Uh-oh. - The daisy queen strikes again. We could move.
ga930125 -- This house is full of memories, Garfield. - Yup, if only these walls could talk. Yup. - They'd say, "get a life".
ga930126 -- Ever wake up feeling depressed, Garfield? - Maybe it's my uneventful life. - Or maybe it's because you glued my hand to my face!! Sure, blame me.
ga930127 -- Garfield, have you noticed how dull and repentitive our lives are? - - Garfield, have you noticed how dull and repentitive our lives are? Sigh.
ga930128 -- - Let's do something. I thought we were. - Something where we move. You lost me.
ga930129 -- My life stinks. - - Your life isn't so hot either. Better than yours!
ga930130 -- I feel blue, Garfield. - You doo look depressed. - I know! I'll treat myself to a new pair of sweat socks! Oh no! He's contagious!
ga930131 -- Z - Go get the ball, boy! - - - ? - PTOOEY!
ga930201 -- OH, NO! - Forest fires! Pestilence! DRought! - Earthquakes!--- This won't delay lunch, will it?
ga930202 -- You get the house filthy, and I clea it! - You get the house filthy, and I clean it! - Ah, the delicate balance of nature.
ga930203 -- Join us again next time for "Macrame and You"! Z - Z - GARFIELD! Z
ga930204 -- Good boy. pat pat - Hey, who's the master around here? - If you have to ask, it isn't you.
ga930205 -- - - Show-off.
ga930206 -- - - Am I in your chair, Garfield?
ga930207 -- - You wouldn't believe my day, Garfield. - First, I tripped and fell down six flights of stairs. - When I landed, I got my head stuck in a bucket of pork chops. - Then, a roaming pack of hungry wolves mistook me for lunch... - ...and chased
ga930207 -- me into an open elevator shaft, which wouldn't have been so bad had it not been for the rabid shaft badgers. - And then I... Hey, Mr. Motor Mouth, don't you want to know how MY day went?
ga930208 -- Why do cats climb trees? - For a number of reasons. - Tweet tweet There's one now.
ga930209 -- Chirp. Ready or not, here I come! - POW! BIFF! BOP! - He was ready. Chirp.
ga930210 -- - - Much better.
ga930211 -- LET GO, GARFIELD! I HAVE A NET! - BOING! -
ga930212 -- * - There's more than one way to get a cat down a tree. - Smart, real smart.
ga930213 -- - -
ga930214 -- - - CONGRATULATIONS, ODIE!! - You have just won an all expenses paid vacation to the backyard! - First, a photo for the press. CLICK - Bon voyage, you lucky pup! Send a postcard! -
ga930215 -- Jon says I have a bad attitude in the morning. - Well, some people have to ease into the day. - I feel better after I've killed something.
ga930216 -- KICK! - CRASH! - SPLAT IIIII BONK IIII CRASH IIIIII
ga930217 -- I have looked danger in the face and laughed! - - Drank milk that was past the expiration date.
ga930218 -- BEWARE OF THE LITTLE DOGS - Yeah, right. - GRR! GRR! GRR! GRR! GRR!
ga930219 -- According to this chart, considering what you weigh, you should be eleven feet tall! - - Are you calling me short?
ga930220 -- BOOT! - SPLOIT! - Whoa, that can't be good for the taste of the soup.
ga930221 -- BRRRRIIINNG! Uh-oh. SMASH - - - - HURRY! HURRY UP AND PERK!!! plup ploop
ga930222 -- - Arleeeene, babeeee! Hi, Garfield. - Uh, don't you have someplace to go? And miss seeing how long you can hold that pose?
ga930223 -- Are we ever going to have a relationship, Garfield? Nah, we're different, you and I. - You're neat, I'm a slob. You're refined, I'm just a regular guy. You're generous, kind and giving... - And, you don't want to share your dinner dish...
ga930223 -- Bingo, baby-cakes.
ga930224 -- Arlene, do you mind if I do something impetuous? Go ahead. - Bark! Bark! Bark! -
ga930225 -- Your key or mine, Arlene? - Mine. Of course, my dear. - ROWWRRRR
ga930226 -- Who's that? That's Odie, Arlene. - BOOT! - He kicks real nice. Doesn't he though?
ga930227 -- It's been a perfect evening. Yes, it was. - Good night, Arlene. Good night, Garfield. - SMACK
ga930228 -- RIIINNG! - RIIINNG! - Hi, Jon...Jon? Jon, are you there? rowr - Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I must have dialed a wring number! I'll try again...'bye. - - RIIINNG! - Hi, Jon? ...Jon?
ga930301 -- Boy, the days fly by fast...seems every time you turn around... - SPLUT! - It's monday again.
ga930302 -- Come to papa! - AYIEEEE! - I see you've met my Mongolian screaming carp. You're going to have to sleep sometime.
ga930303 -- Nice space helmet, Garfield. Thank you. - - Where's my goldfish? Exploring (burp) new frontiers.
ga930304 -- Two astronauts hovering above a hostile planet. - BOOT! - One opts to stay aboard while the other beams down to the surface.
ga930305 -- On your mark, get set, go! - - And don't come back.
ga930306 -- Jon gave me this turtle to keep me amused. - I'm taking it for a walk. - Woah! Slow down, boy!
ga930307 -- Tag! You're it! WHOP! - - SLAM! - - CREEEK -
ga930308 -- Are you going to lie around all day? Of course not! - - I was planning to sit up for a few minutes this afternoon.
ga930309 -- You're a worthless lump of blubber, Garfield. - That wasn't very nice. - Lumps of blubber have feelings too.
ga930310 -- Life is ugly. - - Though not as ugly as the underside of a dog's tongue.
ga930311 -- Garfield, you're lazy! - I am NOT, Jon! - Thanks.
ga930312 -- You ought to tone up those muscles, Garfield! huff huff huff - Yeah, right. huff huff huff - How fit do you have to be to goof off?
ga930313 -- - - Pitiful
ga930314 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - Sorry, Garfield, but I only have one chip left. - If I had more, I'd share them with you. - SLAP! CRONCH! - Now you have LOTS more!
ga930315 -- Fetch, Odie! - - That should keep him busy for the rest of the week.
ga930316 -- Z Wake up, Garfield. - The early bird gets the worm! - ...the late cat would prefer coffee, pancakes and a side of bacon.
ga930317 -- - - Z - He thinks it's night.
ga930318 -- This is my uncle, "Tough Bob". - He once had surgery with no anesthetic! That IS tough! - Soon after, they changed his name to "Screaming Bob". He sure has big eyes.
ga930319 -- - grinka - Feed me.
ga930320 -- - ...hee hee SNORT! - GARFIELD!! |||||||/
ga930321 -- - - SLURP - - SLURRP! - Look out! - SLURRP!
ga930322 -- Don't look at my food like that! - How about like this? - Or myabe this? Now I've lost my appetite.
ga930323 -- Garfield, stealing my lunch wasn't nice. - Not nice? - NOT NICE? OH, NO!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!! - You're cold. What if I shaved my head as penance?
ga930324 -- - - GARFIELD! SPEAK TO ME! - Hmm, my decoy sprung a leak.
ga930325 -- Garfield, I have to admit you tenacity. - You've pulled some dumb stunts. - But this is the worst. Feed the teeth!
ga930326 -- I like to eat from each of the three basic food groups: what's in my bowl... - What's on Jon's plate... - And what's left over. GARFIELD!
ga930327 -- I'm tired of having the same thing for dinner every night... - GLUP! - Nothing? ...nothing.
ga930328 -- DRIP Z - DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - CREEEEEK - - - DRAP DRAP DRAP DRAP
ga930329 -- - TA-DAH! - You like yourself, don't you? Who wouldn't?
ga930330 -- Garfield, of all the species on earth, cats are the most self-centered! - - There are other species?
ga930331 -- dingle dingle dingle - POOMP! - DEATH TO THE DINGLE BALLS!
ga930401 -- This is called a "cat's cradle". - It's amazing what one can do with just a piece of string in a few short minutes. - Help. Simply amazing.
ga930402 -- Well, Garfield glued me to the chair again. - When will I ever catch on to his tricks? - Probably never.
ga930403 -- Jon doesn't suspect a thing. - - It makes me wish I was up to something.
ga930404 -- Jon! Jon! - Jon, that's not a tongue! - It's an alien parasite from outer space! - It attached itself to Odie, and sucked out his brain! - Jon, do you hear me?! We have to do something! Jon?! - YAAAAHHHHH!! Z
ga930405 -- Garfield, for every man, there's a woman. Spare me. - Mine is out there somewhere. Probably in hiding. - I just gotta keep looking. I'll check under a rock.
ga930406 -- Hi, this is Suzy. I'm not at home, but please leave a message at the tone... - Unless you're Jon Arbuckle, in which case the machine will automatically hang up. ...beep! - This is, uh, Ed Smith. CLICK-bzzzzzzz Just amazing.
ga930407 -- After dinner we can come back to my place, my dear... - Then we can put on grass skirts and carve monkey heads in coconuts. - CLICK! Hello? Hence the moniker, "Mr. Dial Tone".
ga930408 -- I have a date! - A date with a beautiful woman! - DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THIS?!
ga930409 -- Let's drink out of each other's glasses. - How romantic! - Actually, my last date tried to poison me.
ga930410 -- Waiter, have you seen my date? She left, sir. - She said if you followed, I should call the police. - Well, I guess a good night kiss is out of the question. That depends on the size of the tip, sir.
ga930411 -- Z - Sigh - Cloudy days are so depressing. - Ah, there's the sun. - There it goes again. - - - -
ga930412 -- I hate mornings. They start too early in the day. - I hereby declare that mornings shall not start until noon. scratch scratch - Lunch time. Take that away and bring me breakfast.
ga930413 -- BOOT! - HEY! - Get out of my food!
ga930414 -- You can't have this chair, Garfield. I'm not moving...no matter what! - GREAT! - What are you up to?!
ga930415 -- Odie, you don't like your attitude. - It's too...dog-like. - That's better. Now let's hear you meow.
ga930416 -- Uh, Garfield? - Have you seen my new fern? - Burp. Briefly.
ga930417 -- Greetings, earthling. - I come to your planet in peace. - Take me to your cook.
ga930418 -- - - - - - So, Odie... - Did you enjoy your bath?
ga930419 -- Looks like a good audience out there tonight. - SPLAT! - Never trust the view from a knothole.
ga930420 -- Thank you for that standing ovation! - - COME BACK HERE!
ga930421 -- And now a word from our sponsor. tappity tappity tappity. - GET OFF MY FENCE!!! - TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY
ga930422 -- This restaurant is so fancy, when you order milk, they bring the cow to your table! - SQUIIIRT! - No offense, ma'am. Moo.
ga930423 -- What do you get if you remove half a cat's brain? - You a smart dog! - Thank you! Please hold your adulation till the end of the performance!
ga930424 -- BOO! Well, you've been a lovely audience. - BOO!  I'd like to give you all a big hug and a kiss. - BOO! How about a good slap and a live badger up the nose?
ga930425 -- - - - - - - -
ga930426 -- BOING BOING BOING BOIG - BOING BOING BOING BOING - GARFIELD! STOP GIVING THE DOG COFFEE!
ga930427 -- Hi, Jon, this is Liz. I was just calling to remind you that Garfield is due for his checkup next week... - hisssssss CLICK -
ga930428 -- and NOW it's TIME for... - BOWLING FOR BEAN DIP! - Brought to you by... Garfield, wherever you are, leave the remote control ALONE!
ga930429 -- Ah...ah... - Choo! - snif
ga930430 -- So, Garfield, how was your dinner? - Perfect, as usual. Thank you, thank you. - No man can scoop a meal out of a can like that man can.
ga930501 -- Here's the paper, Garfield. - Food, metro, sports, editorial, local, coupons, classified, entertainment... - Ah, her eit is! The comics.
ga930502 -- - Yo, Lardo! Move it! You're blocking the sun! - C'mon, ape boy...I meant it! You wouldn't want to see me get mad! - 'smatter, sasquatch breath? Are you ugly AND hard of hearing? I said let's go! Move it! - Ans speaking of ugly, have you
ga930502 -- checked a reflective surface lately? When you were born, I bet the doctor slapped your mother! - Listen, llama gums, I'm not gonna warn you again! Move that fat dumpster of yours now, or I won't responsible for my- -
ga930503 -- Meow? Pardon? - Meow meow. Okay, I'll bite. Meow. - I've communicated with a lower life-form! I've been doing that for years.
ga930504 -- Garfield, this is for you! For me?! - This is an empty box! - Cats like to play in empty boxes. Get an empty cat.
ga930505 -- Here, Garfield, a ball of yarn! - - You're supposed to chase it. What's my motivation?
ga930506 -- I've never understood why cats like balls of yarn so much. - I can't speak for other cats. - Personally, I sell them and use the cash to buy candy!
ga930507 -- - Isn't it cute the way cats like to play with a ball of yarn? - Where's the spaghetti?
ga930508 -- Cat's are fascinating. - Like the way they ash themselves with their tongues. - Actually, I'm trying to get spaghetti sauce off my arm.
ga930509 -- Z - Z - Uh-oh. - - - -
ga930510 -- CAT HAIR! - CAT HAIR FOR EVERYONE! - I hate shedding season.
ga930511 -- You're shedding. - - I prefer to think of it as losing weight.
ga930512 -- Shedding contest! - - Your turn.
ga930513 -- shed shed shed  shed shed shed - shed shed shed shed shed shed shed shed shed shed - How about calling it a draw? Urf.
ga930514 -- Cat hair! - WHY IS EVERYTHING I OWN COVERED WITH CAT HAIR?! - I need brown socks.
ga930515 -- - You should exercide, Garfield. I am! - The difference between a cat's relaxation and a cat's exercise is obviously too subtle for some to grasp.
ga930516 -- - - - - Sigh. - Doesn't it bug you when dogs get in front of you just because they want your - Attention.
ga930517 -- Jon looks like he needs some attention. - pat pat Nice Jon...good boy... - purrrr And some professional help.
ga930518 -- Humans have much larger brains than cats do. - You sure do... - Now, how does this door work? Large and unwieldy.
ga930519 -- - - I assume the electrified cookie jar was your idea.
ga930520 -- Hey! I found a dollar! - I found another one! And another! - Jon has a hole in his pocket. And another!
ga930521 -- - - So, how'd the date go?
ga930522 -- Here we are at the amusement park. - Those rides were sure scary. We got thrown out. - I couldn't stop screaming. He spooked the ponies.
ga930523 -- WHAT?! - Oh, come on! I can't be THAT fat! Sorry, it's true. - You must be lying! Impossible. - We computers are incapable of lying or any human emotion. You really ARE that fat. - Sigh. - hee hee hee - Me and my big voice chip.
ga930524 -- Ah, it's a beautiful sunny day! - - Thanks for the warning.
ga930525 -- CLICK - CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK - You don't get outside enough, Garfield. Nothing but nature shows! click click click
ga930526 -- My uncle Bob was quite the sage. - "Slow down, take it easy." he used to say... - Then ge got hit by a bus.
ga930527 -- It was great growing up in the country, Garfield. - My friends were farm animal. - Ever tickle a hog? Can I go now?
ga930528 -- How to KILL A Spider - SLAM! - How to KILL A Spider
ga930529 -- - zip - I must have been upwind.
ga930530 -- Fib alert! - You can't believe Odie! - No matter what he says, I did not paint him green! - And I wasn't with a two inch horsehair brush! - Here comes the liar now! - - Well, aren't you going to punish him?
ga930531 -- I didn't get enough sleep last night. - I slept the whole time. - But the night just wasn't long enough.
ga930601 -- Garfield, get out of bed this instant! - - Garfield? Fortunately, there's a cot in the basement-
ga930602 -- - You could give lessons on doing nothing. - No, I couldn't.
ga930603 -- What are you going to do today, Garfield? - Do? - You're a funny guy.
ga930604 -- - - I'm hoping for a turkey vulture.
ga930605 -- - What are you doing? - A scene from Romeo and Juliet?
ga930606 -- Hmmm. - *I* didn't do it! - I DIDN'T do it! - I didn't DO it! - I didn't do IT! - Rehearsing. - All right! Who glued Odie to the ceiling?! Show time.
ga930607 -- There's Odie's tongue. - - This probably means he's in the building somewhere.
ga930608 -- Filling in for Odie today will be this piece of cardboard! - Oh. hi, Odie. - Pssst, try to look dumber.
ga930609 -- Odie, you're much smarter than you look! - - Though he's still dumb enough to think that's a compliment.
ga930610 -- WHACK! Fore! - Mind if I play through? -
ga930611 -- Everything you do annoys me. - -
ga930612 -- - Give it a rest. -
ga930613 -- Z - SNORE boing - * - Yay! Z Yah-hoo! - SNORE - * - Thrill seekers. Whee! Yee-ha!
ga930614 -- Hmm. - - Uh, Garfield. Don't ask.
ga930615 -- Hi, I'm Nermal. I'm cute, and you're not. - I'm young, and you're not. - I'm feeling fine, and you're not.
ga930616 -- Hey, Garfield, you're going to be fifteen?! Zowie! FIFTEEN! - I didn't know anything was that old! - Don't push it kid. I mean, I thought dirt was eleven, maybe twelve years old!
ga930617 -- Cheer up, Garfield. Fifteen's not so old... - For an oak tree! pat pat pat -
ga930618 -- Fifteen! I can't believe I'm going to be fifteen! - How's it going, old man? -
ga930619 -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GARFIELD! - Ah, yes. 'tis true I have traversed fifteen notable years within this mortal coil. This auspicious occasion calls for an appropriate acknowledgement. - FEED ME!
ga930620 -- This seems like a good place to relax...planet earth. - - - - - THUD! - I hate you. I don't recall giving you permission to walk on my marble collection.
ga930621 -- I'm feeling very "up" today, Garfield. It'll pass. - I'm wearing glow-in-the-dark underwear. Please, I'm eating. - CLICK! Wanna see? Urp!
ga930622 -- Beware Of The Dog - Heh heh heh - WHACK!
ga930623 -- Here's our mail. - Here's our neighbor's mail. - And here's the mailman's wallet.
ga930624 -- I don't suppose it would hurt to ask. - May I borrow a cup of sparrow? - Actually, it did hurt.
ga930625 -- Will this be an exciting weekend? - Or dull city? - Aren't fingers amazing, Garfield? Helloooo, city limits.
ga930626 -- Chips! - And dip! Uh, Garfield...
ga930627 -- Shoo doop dee doo - This is it, Garfield! It's a new day, I have a new hairdo and the chicks are out! - - Ooooweee! What a babe! - I just put my head in a birdbath, didn't I? Uh-huh. - Excuse me, what are you looking at? Cloudy! Go away! -
ga930627 -- I'll bet you say that to all the girls. Is she gone yet?
ga930628 -- Z RRRRRRRRRR - RRR- - Bring back that spark plug!
ga930629 -- Don't you hate those little crumbs that float on your coffee when you dunk your doughnuts? - - YUCK! GARFIELD!
ga930630 -- Garfield, for once I'd like a good night's sleep. Oh, all right. - Here. - ...AND the flares. You are no fun, you know that?
ga930701 -- Cookies - FLASH! - Traitor!
ga930702 -- Care to enter the contest, Jon? - Well, do you? - Go away. Guess how many anchovies I have in my mouth.
ga930703 -- Cats are primal creatures. - Yep, it's survival of the fittest. - I think I'll go wrestle a meat loaf.
ga930704 -- - - - - STRETCH- - SNAP! OW! - Nyme up! Nyme up!!
ga930705 -- First there was the horrifying "Brain Suckers From Mars". - Then it was "Night Of The Living Toad Snatchers". - What do you think? Now it's "The Wardrobe That Wouldn't Die".
ga930706 -- Yup, Garfield, just give me a bow tie. - ...a snappy suit. - And I'm ready to conquer the world! Don't forget your white flag.
ga930707 -- Do you think this tie is too ugply, Garfield? - Not at all. - It's just ugly enough.
ga930708 -- Garfield, do you think I have too much charm? - Absolutely. - Assuming "charm" is the name of the cologne you're wearing.
ga930709 -- Y'know Garfield, I'm getting better looking as I get older! - And for good reason. - Your eyesight is going!
ga930710 -- What a strange day. - I don't understand it, Garfield. - People laughed at my tie all day. Are you sure it wasn't your bunny slippers?
ga930711 -- O-DIE! - munch munch munch munch munch - - GRRRRRRRR - KICK! SPLOT! - - GRRRRRRRR
ga930712 -- Did you know it takes less effort to smile than to frown? - - Especially when you've got one of these masks.
ga930713 -- - CRASH! - Did you know the mailman has been working out?
ga930714 -- Jon, life is full of questions. - Who am I? ...what is life's purpose? - Why is Odie's tongue stuck in the VCR? I can't look.
ga930715 -- YAWN! - Hey, I did a sit-up! - Suddenly I have this urge to make an exercise video!
ga930716 -- - -
ga930717 -- - What are you doing? - Thanks for ruining it for us.
ga930718 -- - - click - SLAM! - - - WAAIIIT a minute...
ga930719 -- Some people actually believe television causes stupiditity... - Stupididdle...stupiddy... - Not smartness! No kidding.
ga930720 -- Meow! What is it, boy? - Meow! Timmy fell down the old well? - You pushed him, didn't you? Meow! You wanna hero?! Get a dog!
ga930721 -- click - And now, bowling for geeks! - AH HA! JUST FLIPPING THROUGH THE CHANNELS! click click click
ga930722 -- Yes, it slices, dices, chops and shreds! - It cuts and cubes! - It pulverizes! Selling cats? Yes.
ga930723 -- Hidey-ho, early birds! Groan. - Now, the farm report. - Doug, there's a dead cow on route four... - I hate early morning television.
ga930724 -- click click click click - click click click click click click click click - I kind of enjoy it when there's nothing good on. click click click click click click click click click click
ga930725 -- Sigh. - - Rats! - I just can't get comfortable. - * - - Z
ga930726 -- push - CRASH! - Darn, seems I've miscalculated on the Bungee cord.
ga930727 -- YAWN - I'm struggling to stay awake. - Why would anybody do that?
ga930728 -- Wha...?! - All my socks have holes in them! - Sounds like a job for the masked avengers!
ga930729 -- Let's see, for dinner tonight, we'll have leftover roast beef... Already ate it. - Mashed potatoes... Already ate them. - And green beans. Smelled funny, so I gave them to Odie.
ga930730 -- I had too much butter on my corn on the cob. - It was so slippery it got away from me and flew across the room! - But I guess you knew that already.
ga930801 -- - tap tap - - - ? - tap tap -
ga930802 -- Hey, Jon, what's new? - My life stinks. - I said, what's NEW?
ga930803 -- Sad... - I don't have anything better to do than this. - I think I was just insulted.
ga930804 -- I don't think Jon's ever been more boring. - - I ever tell you about my aunt Edna's ingrown hair? Yes! He's over the top!
ga930805 -- Oh, boy, a letter from home! - Yep, you can always expect good news from home! - Hey! Cousin Ed's forehead's clearing up! Get me out of here!
ga930806 -- Garfield, would you say I'm witty? - I would if you paid me. - For good you could be hilarious.
ga930807 -- If Jon's personality was any less colorful, he'd be invisible. - - Right, Jon?
ga930808 -- Back just a little... - Okay, now, a little to the left... - Now come forward a few steps... - Scoot over a teense to the right... - Now forward again...a liiittle more... - Perfect! Now don't move! - Z
ga930809 -- This cereal makes sounds when you pour on milk. - AAOOOOGAH! - Aaoooogah? Let's hope it tastes better than it sounds.
ga930810 -- tick tick tick tick Z - RII- I have a hammer. - tick tick tick tick Z
ga930811 -- Garfield, I was cleaning the basement. - - Please explain. You found the sacred burial ground!
ga930812 -- - - Have you noticed one of Odie's ears is longer than the other?
ga930813 -- - WHANG! SPLOT! - Let's not be forgetting who's the center of the universe here, pal.
ga930814 -- You're disgusting, Garfield. You claw the furniture, eat all the food, chase the dog, shed everywhere... - And you're selfish. What do you have to say to that? - I saved you a bite of fern.
ga930815 -- - Okay, Odie. Now get on my shoulders. - - - Hey, kid, is that your nose, or did you inhale a cantaloupe? - SLURP! swipe - MOM! Yo! The old lady on the park bench with the bag of peanuts.
ga930816 -- What are those mice doing in our house, Garfield?! - - Thy're giving away t-shirts!
ga930817 -- You know, Garfield, cats are supposed to eat mice. - I think you have mice confused with tuna. - See? All gone.
ga930818 -- Garfield, a mouse just stole some cheese! - Should I be chasing this mouse or something? - I mean, what kind of cheese are we talking about?
ga930819 -- Squeak! - Fine! Just let him walk by! - He knew the password.
ga930820 -- Jon hired an exterminator. - sqeak sqeak Heeeeere, mousey, mousey. - He went with the lowest bidder.
ga930821 -- - - Is it my imagination, or are mice getting smarter?
ga930822 -- YAWN - Ah, the sounds of morning. - ** chirp chirp chirp Birds singing... - BONKA! BONKA! BONKA! BONKA! Jon falling down the sairs... - YEEOW! Jon pouring hot coffee on his hand... - AIYEE! Getting his fingers caught in the can opener... -
ga930822 -- Good morning, Garfield! And life's still an adventure.
ga930823 -- BUMP! - Ha! Ha! Ha! - I mean, oops!
ga930824 -- I've decided to give you a cat treat, Garfield! All right! - Here you go. - So by "cat treat," you don't mean a a car?
ga930825 -- Do you have to stand there and shed while I'm eating? - Not at all. - You shed, I'll eat.
ga930826 -- No! No! I won't eat your food! You can't make me! - Oka! Okay! Have it your way! - Bully.
ga930827 -- If anybody needs me, I'll be in the next room. - Sound asleep. - In other words, if anybody needs me, though.
ga930828 -- Has it occured to you that I want to be alone? - - Yes, it has.
ga930829 -- - - * dingle - grrrrrrrrrr - BARK ARF ARF BARK BARK ARF ARF ARF ARF - - THUD! Sigh.
ga930830 -- I'm goin gto the kitchen to bake 40 dozen cookies! - - And fix yourself a little something!
ga930831 -- Each of these cookies contains only one raisin. - Okay, I'll try one. -
ga930901 -- EEK! THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE COOKIE JAR! - - Would you hand me a chocolate chip cookie, please?
ga930902 -- - - Uh, Garfield... I'm storing chocolate chip cookies for the winter.
ga930903 -- One cookie left. - The polite thing to do would be to split it. Right. - Not that it matters. Right.
ga930904 -- - OUCH! - GARFIELD! Worst cookie I ever tasted.
ga930905 -- snip snip - I've really done it this time, Garfield! Ho boy... - I've made a suit out of the sunday funnies! - Now, when women come up to me to read the comics, I'll say something funny, if you know what I mean. City Park - - - - Your punch
ga930905 -- line is showing. Now, THAT'S funny.
ga930906 -- Time to practice our communication skills. - - There are turkeys tap dancing in the tapioca! He's good.
ga930907 -- Life is strange and mysterious. - True. - Hard to believe you could lose your socks AFTER you put them on.
ga930908 -- Running into the wall contest! - GO! SPLAT! - You win.
ga930909 -- Garfield, yre you ticklish? - - I take it this tickling thing is meant to be of the amusement persuasion?
ga930910 -- Ah, the traditional, "Family Around The Hearth". - YAAAH! - Followed by the traditional, "Flaming Socks Dance". Ooh! Ahh! Oooch! Yah!
ga930911 -- Quiet day today. - Did I mention I rolled Odie up in a blanket and stuffed him onto the top shelf of the hall closet? - Very quiet. Quiet indeed...
ga930912 -- - You'd never know it was such a nice day outside. - Jon should clean these windows once in a while. - Much better. - Hey! - Who left this window - nyopen.
ga930913 -- JON! THERE'S A BIG HAIRY SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM! - A REALLY hairy spider! - It's yusing your comb!
ga930914 -- - ** Yo de lay hee hoo * -
ga930915 -- Hairy spider! - - With a ponytail!
ga930916 -- - WHOP! - Hey! You missed the spider and hit me! WHAT SPIDER?!
ga930917 -- Spider, this house isn't big enough for both of us. - Well, actually it probably is... - So let's just do this for fun. WHAP!
ga930918 -- STOMP! - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - So much for THAT spider! My bunnies!
ga930919 -- - "Willard Norf...lost his front teeth when he got his pocket protector caught in a green thresher". - "Sidney Wassle...owner of the world's largest collection of earwax". - "Marvin Smaltz...accidentally glued his finger up his nose". -
ga930919 -- "Murray Kravitz...never went to the beach without wearing snow pants". - "Myrna Feen...five-time winner of the Ms. Zit competition". - Garfield, we're walking on hallowed ground. The nerd hall of fame.
ga930920 -- I'm so proud of myself. - I'm down to one cup of coffee a day. - However, I am up to 50 doughnuts.
ga930921 -- I'm headin' fer the cattle roundup! - - That's MY steak! I don't see yer brand on it, pardner.
ga930922 -- Hey, Jon, how's this for an innocent smile? - - Now what have you done, Garfield? Hmmmm, needs more work.
ga930923 -- Gimme chocolate! This isn't like Jon. - No, wait! Vanilla! no, peach! ...strawberry! - You decide! No, I'll decide! No, you decide! That's like Jon.
ga930924 -- There's one way to get noticed, Garfield. - Just accentuate your best feature. - Excuse me, I have healthy gums! I'm leaving.
ga930925 -- Do Not Beware Of The Dog - Hey, buddy, how ya' doin'? - Why have a sign?
ga930926 -- Isn't this great?! - I love camping. - The fresh air... - The mountains... - The flowers... - The trees... The big spiders.
ga930927 -- Belinda Gizzard! I loved her in school. - But, I got the impression she didn't like me. - She made me eat my crayons. Ah yes...boy meets girl, girl makes boy eat art supplies.
ga930928 -- beep beep boop I'm calling Belinda, and boy, am I nervous! - Hello, Belinda? This is Jon Arbu.. CLICK - Whew, I'm glad it's over. See, that wasn't so bad.
ga930929 -- I have a date tonight, Garfield. - She's attracted to men with talent. Better hurry. It's almost 8:00. - I'm taking my bongos! See you at 8:30.
ga930930 -- I'm really going to impress my date tonight, Garfield. - We're going to a fancy restaurant. - How do you say "chocolate milk" in French? Le Geek.
ga931001 -- My date is very sophisticated, Garfield. - And she likes witty men. - This fake faucet should crack her up. Subtle, yet disgusting.
ga931002 -- See ya, pal. I'm off to sweep my date off her feet with my charm and wordly ways. - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - We should get a light for those basement stairs...
ga931003 -- dingle * - * dingle dingle - dingle dingle ** - dingle * - WHAP! - - dingle *
ga931004 -- Z When Jon's asleep, I can do anything I want! - Z - Z Z
ga931005 -- YAWN - eight hours sleep really zips by. - It's tuesday. - Whoa! It zipped by three times!
ga931006 -- I'm not at my best in the morning. - Of course, this is afternoon. - Which should give you an idea of what mornings are like.
ga931007 -- tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick - tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick I'M SICK OF tick tick tick tick tick - tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick
ga931007 -- tick tick tick
ga931008 -- I'm going out now! - - Don't wait up. Ha, ha.
ga931009 -- Z - - ZIP How do you HEAR ice cream?!
ga931010 -- - - - - WHAM! - By golly, this dog whistle DOES work!
ga931011 -- It would be wrong to eat that cake. - Without a proper alibi. - Odie did it.
ga931012 -- Hey, Garfield, I have a joke for you. - HA! HA! HA! HA! Don't you think I should tell the joke before you laugh. - Let's not ruin the moment, Jon.
ga931013 -- - It's amazin what one can do with a rolling pin. -
ga931014 -- If I had a dollar for every cat hair on this rug, I'd be rich! - - Well, I'm doing MY part.
ga931015 -- How do you tactfully tell someone their breath is bad? - - Mint?
ga931016 -- - slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap - Thought I saw a mosquito.
ga931017 -- - tap tap tap tap - - - - SHOONK - EEEEEEEEEEK!!! GARFIELD! And the crowd goes wild!
ga931018 -- Seeing you happy makes me suspicious. - - Seeing him suspicious makes me happy.
ga931019 -- I cn't believe they're showing this movie on TV! - "The man who stubbed his toe". - I understand there's a lot of adult language in it.
ga931020 -- If the earth were hurtling toward the sun, what would you do? - Eat all the ice cream before it melts! - Give me another fun situation!
ga931021 -- You know, Garfield... - You don't know what you've got till it's gone. - He knows about the meat loaf.
ga931022 -- I'm not going to do anything today. - - Except feed you, of course.
ga931023 -- Uh... - I forgot what I was going to say. Thank you. - That saves me from having to do it.
ga931024 -- - - - - blink poink ZIP thut - - ARRRRGGGGH!
ga931025 -- On the count of three, go for the doughnut. - One... - TWO! Cats can't count.
ga931026 -- BOOT! - BONK! - GONK! Odie did it!
ga931027 -- Someday I suppoes I'll look back on this and laugh. - - Personally, I think it's pretty funny right now.
ga931028 -- Garfield, is that you? Yeah. - What's wrong? - EVEN A CAT CAN HAVE A BAD HAIR DAY, OKAY?!
ga931029 -- There's an article here about cats. - snatch - Whay read about it when you can scratch its tummy?
ga931030 -- PUNT! - CRASH! - Some things just get better with time...
ga931031 -- Scary Stories - - Jon! Jon! - YAAAAHH! - Garfield! Don't scare me like that! - If you want something, just tap me lightly on the shoulder! - - TAP TAP
ga931101 -- Garfield, don't you ever move? There was that time in '82. - Why do you think we have legs?! - To get our stomachs through buffet lines!
ga931102 -- I've decided to become a mime! - - I call this "a cat lust lying there".
ga931103 -- Some people are actually entertained by their pets. - - Why can't you be more like those people?
ga931104 -- - - How come YOU always get to pick what we do? Because YOU can never think of anything, that's why.
ga931105 -- Want some eggs, Garfield? No thanks. - I WOULD like some eggs... - If he weren't fixing them with my spider swatter.
ga931106 -- I could lie here as usual . Or, dom something radical, like getting up. - Or, work out a compromise.
ga931107 -- - The last muffin! - SLAP! SLAP! - grab grab grab  grab grab grab - - CHOMP - Yuck! the last RAISIN muffin.
ga931108 -- Fetch the invisible ball, Odie! - That should keep him busy. -
ga931109 -- GASP! - AAAAAaaggghhhhh - Garfield, I just fed you a half hour ago. Do you know how long that is in cat minutes?
ga931110 -- What have you got there, Garfield? A feather pillow. - chirp chirp - With very fresh feathers.
ga931111 -- - CLONG! - I was empty.
ga931112 -- - - That's enough syrup on your pancakes, Garfield. Cheapskate.
ga931113 -- Time to get kicked, Odie! - - Well, that was fun.
ga931114 -- - - - munch munch munch munch - Z - Whew. - BURP! - Excuse me.
ga931115 -- I can't decide what to watch. click click click - click click click click -Which is pretty entertaining. click click click
ga931116 -- Do you watch too much television? - Way, way too much? - If so, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. You're welcome.
ga931117 -- Arf! Arf! What is it, boy? - Did Timmy fall down the well again? Arf! Leave him down there. - Lead me to him! Arf! Good thinking! You can toss the dog in too!
ga931118 -- Say, friend, are you considered an idiot? - Then we have just the product for you! - I have three of those. Figures.
ga931119 -- click - Coming up next: help for those of you with short attention spans. - click
ga931120 -- - - Pet food commercial.
ga931121 -- - - scratch scratch scratch - TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP scratch scratch scratch - - scratch scratch scratch TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP DO YOU MIND?!
ga931122 -- SNOORRRK Z - Z - FWEEEEEEEE
ga931123 -- GO GET IT, BOY! - GOOD BOY! BYE, BOY! - Odie and I are playing "Fetch the Train".
ga931124 -- The door came off its hinges and fell on Odie! - OH NO! - NOW THE HOUSE WILL BE DRAFTY!
ga931125 -- Oh look! My good buddy, Odie! - PUNT! - Oh look! My good buddy, Odie!
ga931126 -- There are a thousand reasons why I wouldn't want to be a dog. - - And here they are.
ga931127 -- - Something very tragic just happened to Odie! -
ga931128 -- YAWN - Today's sunday. - Sunday is the day I always put something weird in Jon's food. - This rubber snake should do the trick. - - Garfield, there seem to be a rubber snake in my salad. - Is today sunday! Boy are we in a rut.
ga931129 -- Garfield, you're fat enough to be two cats. - I'll go with that. - Feed me.
ga931130 -- - SLASH! - Thinking of you.
ga931201 -- Who ate the lasagna? - - Sometimes I worry about you, Jon. That was a rhetorical question.
ga931202 -- Jon, I want you to know I'm trying to cut down on my insincerity. - - I think he bought it.
ga931203 -- There's a real information explosion going on, Garfield. - So many new things to learn! - You no doubt are referring to the fact that the pizza delivery place has a new phone number?
ga931204 -- I've achieved "exasperating," and I've achieved "eye-popping". - THONK! - ALL RIGHT!!! "JAW-DROPPING"!!
ga931205 -- - - - - - - I suppose when you're the first snowflake of the season, you feel obligated to make a flashy entrance.
ga931206 -- - - Yes, Garfield. I'm aware Christmas is coming.
ga931207 -- - Christmas is coming. -
ga931208 -- Decorations, presents, - Caroling, presents, mistletoe and presents. - Six things I love about Christmas.
ga931209 -- I don't think we'll decorate the house this Christmas, Garfield. Not decorate? ARRRGH! - Know why? - 'cause we're going to the farm! DOUBLE ARRRGH!
ga931210 -- Garfield, I know you don't want to go to the farm for Christmas, but warm up to it, okay? - HYUCK! HYUCK! HYUCK! - STOP THAT!
ga931211 -- C'mon, Garfield! We're leaving for the farm! Just a minute... - Hurry up! - What were you doing in there? Leaving Santa a forwarding address.
ga931212 -- * OHHHHHHH... - ** OH, WE'RE GOING TO THE FARM, WE'RE GOING TO THE FARM... ** - * YES, WE'RE GOING TO THE FARM, 'CAUSE IT'S CHRIST-MAS_TIME!! - * YES, WE'RE GOIN', GOIN', GOIN', GOIN', GOIN', GOIN', GOIN', GOIN' TO THE FAAARMMM... ** - *
ga931212 -- 'CAUSE IIIIT'S CHRRRISTMAAAS-TIIIIIIIMME!!! ** - So, what do you boys want to sing next? - Boys?
ga931213 -- Mom! Dad! Jon! Son! - Doc Boy! - You know I hate it when you call me that. - DOC BOY! MOM! Ah, brotherly love.
ga931214 -- Son, you and Odie can take this old room. - What about Garfield? Don't worry about Garfield. - Garfield will take THIS room!
ga931215 -- Dinner's ready. - All right, MOM! - Eight kinds of potatoes! slap A personal best!
ga931216 -- Here's you, Jonny, in the first grade. Awwww. - And here's Doc Boy running maked through the soybeans. When was that taken? - This summer. AWWWWW.
ga931217 -- There's something special about Christmas on a farm. - Something unique, that you can't get anywhere else. - Such as Christmas cookies shaped like farm implements.
ga931218 -- We're visiting Jon's family for Christmas. - It's peaceful here on the farm. - C'mon, Garfield! We're going to play "touch the udder". And weird.
ga931219 -- - Okay, you hold that steady, and I'll go up. Wait a minute! - Why do I always have to hold the ladder? Why don't YOU hold the ladder?! Because I'm older, that's why! - Oh, yeah? Well, I'm old enough to go up now, too! Move over! Hey,
ga931219 -- lookout! Ow! Stoppit! - WOOAAAHHH!!! CRASH YOU BOYS STOP THAT FIGHTING AND GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!! - What am I going to do with you two? Why don't you plug them in?
ga931220 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff - Christmas is in the air! - And hot from the oven! Cookies are ready!
ga931221 -- Hey, Doc Boy, you look like a sissy in those teddy bear pajamas. - Ar leas I don't look like a geek in bunny pajamas. - Bears! Bears! Bears! Bunnies! Bunnies! Bunnies! Tell me they were adopted. I don't know. I was out at the time.
ga931222 -- Hey, everybody, I'm back with a Christmas tree! - Did you chop down a good one, Doc Boy? You bet! And it was eeasy to find! - Gee, son, that looks just like the tree in our front yard. I get the feeling that's what made it so easy.
ga931223 -- Attention! Dad is going to give his annual holiday reading of "Binky, the Clown wo saved Christmas!" - So everybody gather around real close! - Okay, who drank the garlic nog?
ga931224 -- What are you boys doing, waiting up for Santa? - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! -
ga931225 -- I don't know, we've got the tree, the lights, the presents...but something's missing. It doesn't quite seem like Christmas yet. brappa brappa brappa brappa - brappa BRAPPA BRAAAAAP CRASH! - HIYA, SWEETIES! GRANDMA! Now it's Christmas.
ga931226 -- Sigh. - Good-bye, Christmas. - Good-bye, Christmas tree... - Good-bye, lights, good-bye, tinsel... - Good-bye, presents, good-bye, wrapping paper... - Good-bye, mistletoe... - HE-LLOOOO LEFTOVERS!!!
ga931227 -- Ah, a new year approaches! Full of hope! Full of promise! - THUD! - Full of mondays.
ga931228 -- Have any new year's resolutions, Garfield? Why, yes. It's not to do... - TWAAAANNG! THIS anymore! - GARFIELD! I dobt I'll keep it, though.
ga931229 -- SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT - - I've decided against pursuing a career in egg juggling.
ga931230 -- Garfield is choosing his wardrobe for the new year's party. - No, no. The polka dots just aren't you. Try the stripes. - Perfect.
ga931231 -- HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!! BLAAAAT! - December - ...eve!
ga940101 -- Winter is such a peaceful season. - AIEEE! - Except for the occasional neck caught in the zipper.
ga940102 -- - - So THERE you are... - Where in the world have you been? - And why are you still wearing that silly hat? New year's eve was two nights ago! - I know. - That must have been some party. Come on in, everybody...and make sure the goat wipes
ga940102 -- his feet. Baah.
ga940103 -- HELP! I'M FALLING! - Just kidding. - It's an overhead shot.
ga940104 -- Odie, how can you be so stupid? - - Well, if you've got a permit, I guess it's okay.
ga940105 -- Would you mind rolling around in these bread crumbs while I preheat the oven? - - What?! Would you rather be grilled? Fried? ...what?!
ga940106 -- Z - Z - z Muffler.
ga940107 -- If you were a real cat, you'd catch that mouse! - - Arf arf!
ga940108 -- Be ferocious! Right. - Shoo. - Sometimes I even scare myself.
ga940109 -- - - - - - pat pat pat pat pat pat pat - This is a little winter tradition of ours.
ga940110 -- Hey out there! Everybody smile! - SPLAT! - Get outta town! You're way to cheerful for a monday.
ga940111 -- - ZIP! - munch munch munch Show-off.
ga940112 -- - - pant pant pant pant
ga940113 -- piff - fling SPLOT! Aiyeee! - When it comes to snowball fights, mice are whimps.
ga940114 -- pat pat pat * - Building a solid snow fort is important to winning a snowball fight. - Okay, Garfield, I'm ready!
ga940115 -- - SPLOT! WHAM! - THE SNOWBALL FIGHT ENDED YESTERDAY! That's what you think.
ga940116 -- - Wow! New-fallen snow! - I gotta get my camera! - ROMP ROMP ROMP ROMP ROMP -
ga940117 -- Here we see the common sparrow. - Delicious plain, or with a little ketchup. - What are you watching? The all-cat channel.
ga940118 -- Stay tuned. - Or don't. We don't care... - For apathy theater.
ga940119 -- And now...the Juggling Rigatoni Brothers. - Oops. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! - Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! The flaming baton may not be a good idea.
ga940120 -- I don't believe it. - You're sitting here watching static! - Yes, but it's quality static.
ga940121 -- Cats are more polular than ever. - And our hidden camera shows why! - Payoffs t pets owners from the powerful cat lobby! LIES! ALL LIES!
ga940122 -- Oh, brother. CLICK - Gimmie a break. CLICK - What'cha watching? I went with the "Oh, brother".
ga940123 -- - Z - WHAM! - flip flip flip flip flip flip flip - flip flip flip flip flip flip flip ? - flip flip flip flip flip -
ga940124 -- Ah, yes. Life goes on. - - Where?
ga940125 -- Sigh. - Some people have something exciting and new happen to them every single day! - Sounds monotonous.
ga940126 -- Life is a party. - - And Jon's invitation got lost in the mail.
ga940127 -- I'm trying to write my autobiography. - It's not going very well. - Sounds accurate.
ga940128 -- Jon, you need to get get out more. - You need to be with your own kind! - Provided we can locate a three-toed sloth who collects stamps.
ga940129 -- Watch me turn on the charm, Garfield. - Shaddup. - She acknowledged my existence. You can turn it off now.
ga940130 -- Garfield. - Time to go out, Garfield. - BOW - YOING! - Oops, I locked the screen door, funny. huh? Laaaaugh, I thought I'd die!
ga940131 -- They say watching too much TV makes you passive. - - Not that I'm complaining. Not that we care.
ga940201 -- And here's tonight's editorial comment. Arf arf bow-wow bark - And now a rebuttal. - Meow meow purrrr meow That's telling him.
ga940202 -- Stay tuned for whatever it is we're showing next. - As if you had anything better to do anyway... - In light of your dreary, empty existence. Sounds good to me.
ga940203 -- Is your cat fat and lazy? - Does he do nothing but eat and sleep? - So what?! JON! YOU'RE MISSING A GOOD SHOW!
ga940204 -- The bank's security camera took this picture of the culprit. - - I thought it was a bakery!
ga940205 -- Stay tuned for "Watching Paint Dry". - Rats! - They preempted "Watching Grass Grow".
ga940206 -- Z - Hey! That's MY spot you're lying in, you stupid dog! Z - BOOT! - - - NUDGE NUDGE NUDGE NUDGE BURROW BURROW BURROW NUDGE -
ga940207 -- Nobody pushes you around, do they, Garfield? Nope. - - Not without a forklift, anyway! SLAP! Ack! I didn't see that one coming.
ga940208 -- "The Art Of Sophisticated Humor". - BOING SPLUT! - "By Binky the Clown".
ga940209 -- - That's enough of that. - Uh, I'm not there anymore, Odie.
ga940210 -- YAWN - GULP! - YAWN I haven't seen this face in two days.
ga940211 -- - - I was reading that. Nobody cares about your past, Jon.
ga940212 -- See, you roll the socks up like this. - Here, you try it. - You're not with me on this. Now, let's do the underwear.
ga940213 -- * Mee mee mee mee mee meeeee ** - ** ME-YOWR MEE YOWR MEE YOWR * - ** MEEEEeeyooWWRRRR! ** - GACK!! - THUD! - - Bet you didn't know I could do opera.
ga940214 -- BOUNCE BOUNCE - BOING BOING BOING - I had no idea you could do this on a hardwood floor! Diet time.
ga940215 -- I'm putting you on a diet, Garfield. - If you gain any more weight, earth will swing out of its orbit and plunge into the sun. - What do you say to that? Pass me adoughnut and turn up the air-conditioning.
ga940216 -- GET OFF! I CAN'T STAND IT! - ARRRRGH! - Just practicing. Shaddup.
ga940217 -- I know Jon said no more snacks. - But I had a weak moment. - Someone tore the door off the refrigerator! A weak yet intense moment.
ga940218 -- Life is a constant battle between right and wrong! - Good and evil! - Cheesecake and diet!
ga940219 -- - NO! NO! HAVE MERCY! - Out of the goodness of my heart, I didn't weigh myself today.
ga940220 -- Z tick tick tick tick - Z BRINNNG! - 'morning, Garfield. 'morning, Jon. - 'morning, Pooky. crunch crunch - 'morning, Odie. - - I gotta get off this diet.
ga940221 -- I've been dieting. Riiiiight. - No, really. Is this a face that would lie? - How should I know? I've never seen it.
ga940222 -- Dieting is hard work. - But, after several grueling days, I'm happy to report I have slowed my weight gain to a crawl! - A small victory perhaps, but a victory nevertheless. You have doughnuts on your breath.
ga940223 -- Hey, scale. How much do YOU weigh? - That's none of your business! - He can dish it out, but he sure can't take it.
ga940224 -- I'm glad you agree with my 'no snacks at night' rule, Garfield. - Garfield? - Are you standing over me with a fork? And about this far from deranged.
ga940225 -- Good news! - I'm happy to report that I have successfully gained five pounds! - First time I ever hit a weight goal!
ga940226 -- - Rats! - I just finished a 14-day diet, and all I lost was 2 weeks.
ga940227 -- - Hey? What's that ahead? FLEA COLLAR!!! - Everybody move to the rear of the cat! - My sidney is up there! I'll save him, ma'am. - Okay, son, hold on to my antenna. - SIDNEY! MOMMY! HOORAY!!! - TAIL COLLAR!!! There's a movie here somewhere.
ga940228 -- Odie - GARFIELD - All is right with the world.
ga940301 -- I'm going to the kitchen. - - Don't wait up for me.
ga940302 -- I wonder what it's like outside. It's raining. - - And blowing.
ga940303 -- I just bought coffee yesterday, and no we're out. - Do you know what happened to it, Garfield? - Not offhand. But, if you like, I could stay awake for the next three nights to give it more thought.
ga940304 -- Hey, look! A big, fat, dumb cat! - Get out of here, you stupid, ugly tub of lard. Yeah, beat it! - Whatever happened to "chirp, chirp"?
ga940305 -- - - Kids, don't let this happen to you.
ga940306 -- SLAM! - SLAM! - - SLAM! - When I get angry I just feel like slamming doors. - - SLAM!
ga940307 -- Garfield, am I a geek? - Yes. - Too bad cats can't talk. Yes! Yes! I'm saying yes here!
ga940308 -- I wish I were looking better. - pat pat Now, now. There's no reason for you to do that. - I'M the one who should wish you were better looking.
ga940309 -- Garfield, I've been looking at myself in the mirror. - And I have to ask you a question. - An I macho? He apparently doesn't notice I have a mouthful of food.
ga940310 -- I really need to change my image, Garfield. I fully agree. - Change can be a healthy thing. You couldn't be more right. - We could both stand to improve our looks a little, right? Speak for yourself, donkey face.
ga940311 -- Women like men who are tall, dark and handsome. - Do you think I could be tall, dark and handsome? You sure could. - Stand on a chair, turn out the lights, and lie.
ga940312 -- You know, Garfield... - I wish I had a secret identity like superheroes do. - Your identity IS a secret.
ga940313 -- Z - Z - YANK! WHIRRRRRR - - Z - STOMP! B-D-D-D-D-D-d
ga940314 -- * DING - TIME TO EAT! - Cats don't go "ding". I ate the egg timer.
ga940315 -- You're fat. - And lazy. - See? I'm doing the work of two cats!
ga940316 -- You wait right here, Odie. I'll go get your food. - - MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
ga940317 -- Z - It's good to see you on the job. What job? - And, where did that hole in the wall come from?
ga940318 -- Where's my present? - I can't bring you something every time I go out. - Then why go out?
ga940319 -- Are you having as much fun as I am? - I'm bored. - I guess you are.
ga940320 -- - - ZOOOOM - WHIP - WHIP - Why do cats do that?! It drives me nuts! - You just answered your own question, boopsy!
ga940321 -- - - Ever notice how cats are able to blend into the background?
ga940322 -- Here's a ball of yarn to play with. - - How do you turn it on?
ga940323 -- You cats are lucky you have fur. - It keeps you warm and cozy. - It also covers up my coiled snake tattoo.
ga940324 -- Z When cats want someone to wake up, we walk across him. - YAAAH! - In golf shoes.
ga940325 -- Cats are creatures of nature. We do things based entirely on...uh... - - Instinct!
ga940326 -- Garfield, it's dangerous up in that tree! - Not for the graceful cat! - At least not for the graceful cat with a parachute.
ga940327 -- DING DONG ** - DING DONG ** - - Garfield, cats don't ring doorbells when they want in. - Fine. - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - Happy now?
ga940328 -- Boy, am I out of shape. - There's only one thing to do. - If you can't lose it...belt it.
ga940329 -- I've lost my library card! - I'll form a search party. - Right after I finish picking my teeth.
ga940330 -- Jon hurt his back and can't move. - I could get help. - Or I could go through his pockets for a change. Get away from me!
ga940331 -- Ladies and gentlemen...Odie! - THUD! - Open the door, THEN walk in!
ga940401 -- Can I see you for a second, Garfield? - Sure. - I want to speak to you about the lack of Respect you... Second's up.
ga940402 -- - BEWARE Of THE DOG - I think I'll walk this way.
ga940403 -- GURRGLE... What's that noise? - GURRRRGLE... - - - How cute. Garfield saved part of his snowman. - - GARFIELD!
ga940404 -- DINNER! - Where's Garfield? - Where's Jon?
ga940405 -- I cleaned my plate! - And yours! - DING-DONG! ** And the neighbors'!
ga940406 -- MY GOLDFISH! - Put it back, Garfield...now! - GARFIELD!
ga940407 -- Can I trust you alone with this cake, Garfield? - Sure. - It's stupid, but you can do it!
ga940408 -- A lone hamburger. - It's separated from the herd. - You never lose those hunting instincts.
ga940409 -- - snatch! GULP! - I hope that was food.
ga940410 -- - Pencil. - Change. - Comb. - Corn chips. - Fork. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH . AH-HA! - pop The remote control.
ga940411 -- I know what it's like outside... - Without leaving the house. - Tonight there's a full moon. We need a sacrifice.
ga940412 -- I wonder what the future holds. - - Hey! The future has a cookie jar!
ga940413 -- munch munch munch Where did the cookies go? - Uh, they went to the post office to buy some stamps. - And then they're going to the beach! Wipe the crumbs off your chin.
ga940414 -- I did it! - I just ate my one millionth meal! - And it's only noon.
ga940415 -- Garfield, I know food is important for you. - But there ar elimits. - Like worshiping a doughnut. Don't anger the gods.
ga940416 -- SNARF SMACK GULP CHOMP SLURP - Your eating habits are disgusting! - What I lack in quality, I make up in quantity.
ga940417 -- - - - BWA-BWA-BWA-BWAAAHH - SMMAAACK! rub rub rub rub rub - - The pizza delivery boy must be here.
ga940418 -- CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP - CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP - Been stomping spiders? How'ja guess?
ga940419 -- NO! NO! JON! DON't DO IT! - STOMP! OH NO!! - I wanted to do that.
ga940420 -- - - KA-CHUNK! click
ga940421 -- - whack! -
ga940422 -- - THOT - Spiders seem to have gotten faster as I've grown older.
ga940423 -- INVISIBLE SPIDER! - whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! - What do you think you're doing?! Didn't you not see that?
ga940424 -- YAHOO! - Daisies!! - Tulips! - Marigolds! - Pansies! - YEEOOW! - Roses!
ga940425 -- Good morning, Garfield. - Oh, all right, good morning to you too, Pooky. Kiss - Love me, love my teddy bear.
ga940426 -- Now don't kick Odie off the table! All right, all right. - BOOT! - THUD!
ga940427 -- I've secretly hidden a brick in this cake. - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - I've secretly developed a taste for bricks.
ga940428 -- GARFIELD! - FIX IT! Oh, all right. -
ga940429 -- Jon says I'm not cheerful enough. - - Is this cheerful enough for you, bone brain?
ga940430 -- Get ready for a fancy gourmet meal, Garfield. - VOILA! - A hot dog dressed in a little tuxedo?
ga940501 -- - Hey, Garfield, watch me impress the chicks with my mime act. You look like a kitchen match. - - - - - Ow. Ah, ah, aaah...you're not supposed to talk.
ga940502 -- Life is funny. - Ha! Ha! Ha! - For some of us.
ga940503 -- Jon has thrown caution to the wind. - He has the crazed look of a manliving on the edge. - He's wearing his undershirt inside out.
ga940504 -- Jon's out frolicking with mother nature. - RABID MOTH! - I warned him...the woman's a maniac.
ga940505 -- Feeling dull? Want to seem more exciting? - Hang out with someone even duller! - What is it, Garfield?
ga940506 -- ** ** * - * - He's never happier then when he's wearing his musical socks.
ga940507 -- Jon and I had a little disagreement this morning. - But I handled it in a mature manner... - You broke my crayons! Considering what I had to work with.
ga940508 -- cheeerip cheeerip - cheeerip cheeerip Night sounds don't have to be scary. For instance, that's the sound of a cricket... - CREEEEK That's the house settling. - pant pant pant ...that is Odie. - BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP ...that is the faucet
ga940508 -- dripping. - And those... - Are Jon's glow-in-the-dark boxer shorts.
ga940509 -- Jon, you look like you're in a bad mood. - Was it something I've said? - Or was it several things I've done?
ga940510 -- By golly, I'd like to see less indifference around here! - - What do you think? Up to you.
ga940511 -- BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! - It's no use. We'll never catch that ice cream truck.
ga940512 -- I have my eye on you. - - In reference to what?
ga940513 -- Here comes FATSO! - - He's not only fat. He's slow. I was referring to you!
ga940514 -- Beware Of The - Beware Of The - BARK! BARK!
ga940515 -- - - WHAM! - - - - PHHHHT!
ga940516 -- - A-one and-a-two... - TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY
ga940517 -- TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - BOOO! - Okay, who booed?
ga940518 -- I was born to dance! - SLIP - Or, maybe I was born to lie here and whimper.
ga940519 -- tappity tappity  tappity tappity - TAH-DAHHHHH! - SPLUT!
ga940520 -- And now, the story of a warm and loving cat. - ...on "Science Fiction Theater!" - Weird. click
ga940521 -- Kill the mouse! - - How about if I get him interested in bungee jumping and hope for an accident?
ga940522 -- - Look at that cat. - Too bad old Bowser isn't here. He was a good dog. - Old Bowser would have made an orange hat out of him. - Old Bowser would have made a cat taco with him. - Yep, too bad old Bowser isn't here. He was a good dog. - I hope
ga940522 -- they buried him deep.
ga940523 -- Every time I look at you, you're either eating or sleeping. - - I'd be happy to choose one and stick with it.
ga940524 -- Garfield, you weigh too much. I hear you, Jon. - I want you to lose weight, and I mean now! Yessir. - Where are you going? To a planet with a weaker gravitational pull.
ga940525 -- Odie! I have a treat for you, Odie! - - Nice try, Garfield. Garfield? I'm not Garfield.
ga940526 -- Dessert! - - The son of dessert: part two!
ga940527 -- Linda, I'll bet there's nothing you'd rather do than go out with me tonight. - Uh-huh... - She'd rather swin in piranha-infested waters dressed as a meat loaf. I'll bet you were a close second.
ga940528 -- Well, mister eating machine. - Thanks to your six-hour lunch, you missed dinner. - I'll starve!
ga940529 -- - BEWARE OF BOOGA - "Beware of Booga"? - What theheck is a boo- - Gulp - - BOOGA! BOOGA! BOOGA!
ga940530 -- - You should exercise, Garfield. - I'm already so tired, it doesn't seem necessary.
ga940531 -- - Any chance you might actually move today? - An earthquake is always a possibility.
ga940601 -- I wish something exciting would happen. - - Not to ME of course.
ga940602 -- Always think before you act. - - How about if I think and then just lie here?
ga940603 -- I'm thinking seriously of going into the next room. - - Unless you'd like to bring the room in here. You're worthless.
ga940604 -- Sigh. - Every day is just like another. - If you're doing things right.
ga940605 -- GAR-FIELD! - - - - - SPLOT! - Impressive. Did you catch the triple lutz?
ga940606 -- Well, look who finally got up. - Is it Garfield, or Mister Grumpy? - We don't like Mister Grumpy. And Mister Grumpy doesn't like you.
ga940607 -- - BIBUU BIBUU BIBUU BIBUU - I hate that, you know! I know.
ga940608 -- I go to the pet store to buy you something nice. - But do you appreciate it?! - NOOO! I'M WEARING KITTIE SHOES!
ga940609 -- So, Linda, I'll meet you there at seven. - Me? ...oh, I'm tall and handsome with rippling muscles. - I love blind dates! I'll get the inflatable biceps.
ga940610 -- Hey, Odie, I bought you an automatic doggie door. - BEEP ZIP! - And I installed it.
ga940611 -- This looks okay, doesn't it? - "Okay" doesn't do that outfit justice. - Guess who puts off doing his laundry as long as possible?
ga940612 -- ? - - click - click click click - click click click click click click - All right, TV... - Dance! click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click -
ga940612 -- Fastest clicker in the west.
ga940613 -- Wow. I can't believe I'm going to be sixteen. Where did the years go? pat pat pat - - I think I just zinged myself.
ga940614 -- C'mon, Garfield, snap out of it. Birthdays aren't that bad. - After all, aging is all in the mind. Of course it is. - And the mind is the first thing to go.
ga940615 -- Here, Garfield, you got some mail. Me? Really? - It's from my mom. How nice. - She chrocheted me a birthday card.
ga940616 -- Garfield, have you though about what you want for your birthday? A gazillion slave dogs! - Since you're turning sixteen it should be something special. World domination! - How about a large pizza with everything? Even better!
ga940617 -- Garfield sure has been upset about getting a year older. - - Z
ga940618 -- It's true! I AM getting old! I'm losing my hair! - Oh, no! Are you shedding AGAIN?! - Oh...yeah.
ga940619 -- - WHAT A SURPRISE! - - - WHAT A SURP- - - - SURPRISE!!!
ga940620 -- Exercise would give you more energy. - - Thanks for the warning.
ga940621 -- I bought you a seafood lunch, Garfield. - - They had a special on ugly fish. Quick, I'm losing my appetite.
ga940622 -- I honestly didn't think you could get any fatter, Garfield. - But noooooooo. I was wrong. - Don't be so hard on yourself, Jon.
ga940623 -- This is a funny book! - - Well?
ga940624 -- Garfield, I bet you're bigger around than you are tall! - Hey! Hey! - I can't help if I'm short!
ga940625 -- This has been a pleasant day. - - No need for Jon to know.
ga940626 -- - - - All right, Garfield. Let's have it. Spit it out! - PTOO splat! - C'mon, the rest of it! - PTOO tap tap tap
ga940627 -- It's nice to see you, Garfield. - Really? - I feel safer whan you're in plain view.
ga940628 -- Staying cool during the summer is all mental. - If you just THINK "cool", you'll BE cool. - Of course, others may use different approaches. Do we have any more tape?
ga940629 -- AH - CHOO! snif
ga940630 -- Odie is thrilled to see me. - - Okay, he's just thrilled.
ga940701 -- Uhhh... - SPLOOOSH - YEEEEEEOOOW! Jon has yet to master the art of dunking.
ga940702 -- Why are your eyes closed? - I was in the middle of a blink... - And I lost interest.
ga940703 -- - - slurp slurp slurp lick lick slurp slurp lick lick - lick lick lick lick munch munch munch munch - munch munch - SLURRRRPP! -
ga940704 -- - The mail's here!... - And here, and here, and...
ga940705 -- I love gardening, Garfield. - Life springing from the ground! - This is great! I ate your seeds!
ga940706 -- It's raining, and I have to go out. - Here's your umbrella, Jon! - And here are the holes I cut in it!
ga940707 -- I just wrote a poem! - I just tore up a poem! rip rip rip rip rip - I don't do enlightenment.
ga940708 -- knock knock - knock knock knock knock knock CRASH! - You're not very patient, are you? Not when I have to wait.
ga940709 -- Bad news, Jon. - No matter how many times I run your blazer through the blender, it just won't make a decent milk shake. - Sorry. Why, thank you, Garfield. What's this brass button doing in here?
ga940710 -- - Hm...the little light in the refrigerator has burned out. - Thisdinky thing was never bright enough anyway. - Better. - A snack should help me sleep. - - GARFIELD!
ga940711 -- Well, well, well. Keeping busy, I see. - That's right. - I'm collecting sarcastic remarks!
ga940712 -- Mailman's here. - AIEEEEEEEE! - What was that? Well now, possibly there could be a large, unattractive insect in the mailbox...maybe.
ga940713 -- I'm going to the store. Is there anything you DON'T want? - Uh, no. - But, thanks for asking!
ga940714 -- SPLAT! - Coffee? Please. - Service is getting very slack around here.
ga940715 -- As far as you're concerned, all I'm good for is feeding you. - - You say that as if it were unimportant.
ga940716 -- Boy, am I depressed. - I know! I'll invite all my friends to a party! - Gee, I was hoping for a bigger turnout. Then next time invite your enemies.
ga940717 -- rattle rattle - Garfield, let me in! - C'mon, buddy, unlocj the door. - Open the door!! - Hurry, before it's too late!! - It's toooo laaaaaate. AAAARRRGHHHH! Bunny jammies? With feet?
ga940718 -- I remember back on the farm, Garfield. Here we go. - Family sitting on the porch, voices singing... - * OH, STRANGLE ME A CHICKEN...STICK ME A PIG! ** These people need professional help.
ga940719 -- - Hi. - By the way, we're out of garlic.
ga940720 -- What's for supper, Jon? - CAT FOOD!? - Life is full of surprises! Nobody likes a sarcastic pet.
ga940721 -- Poor Jon... - He's the kind of guy who'll give you the shirt off his back. - And there are no takers.
ga940722 -- Garfield, I have a date tonight! I'll alert the media. - I have to make a good impression. Then stay home. - Should I wear shoes? Been a while, hasn't it Jonny boy.
ga940723 -- I like to think of myself as a role model for you boys. - - Urf? Yes, that means we get to blame everything on him.
ga940724 -- - - - - - - klack!
ga940725 -- Garfield! You ate ALL cupcakes?! You're a greedy pig! You're right. - I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! - Like it? It's called remorse without guilt.
ga940726 -- I love chocolate cake! - - Love is fleeting.
ga940727 -- PURR PURR PURR - Garfield, are you purring? - No, but I think there's something wrong with my chain saw.
ga940728 -- beep beep boop This phone bill says it all. - Hey, nice biceps, big guy! - boop beep boop $542.16 for Dial-A-Compliment.
ga940729 -- I've decided not to order a pizza tonight. - RIP! - Then what's the point of having a telephone? FLING
ga940730 -- * RINNG! - Hello?... Speaking... Do I own a cat? - I have 30 frozen turkeys out on the lawn! No, sir. I do not.
ga940731 -- - - ! - - SLAM! -
ga940801 -- - poke - I had to provoke it.
ga940802 -- Here I am, trapped in a ball of yarn. - My whole life just flashed before my eyes. - And it looked like a junk food commercial.
ga940803 -- I'm reading about ancient civilizations. - Know how they killed their enemies? - Yeah, they gave them a ball of yarn to play with.
ga940804 -- Now I know why cats are given yarn. - It's nature's way of keeping a balance. - Like a dinosaur falling into a tar pit.
ga940805 -- - -
ga940806 -- - poke - I'll get you for this.
ga940807 -- - There's ordinary old coffee... - SLUP - YOING! - FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! - WHIRRRRRRR - And then there's "bottom-of-the-pot-sitting-plugged-in-all-day-coffee!"
ga940808 -- I spend the day doing good deeds. - While YOU didn't move from that spot. - We both made the world a little nicer today. Hey!
ga940809 -- I should exercise. - Fudge? - You're evil, you know that, don't you?
ga940810 -- BOOT! - - Hey, Jon. Did you see that line drive?
ga940811 -- - Garfield left the table in the middle of a meal! - Snack time.
ga940812 -- - - Out of dust rags, are we?
ga940813 -- As soon as I get my jacket, I'll be ready to go to the vet, Garfield. Fine. - - Be sure to say hello to me.
ga940814 -- - - - - - - A-HEM!
ga940815 -- EIIIIYEEEE!!! I'm putting you on a diet, Garfield! - YAAAAAAHHH!! No fair! - UNNNGH (CHOKE) GAH! Who a re you going to believe? Me, or this stupid talking scale?!
ga940816 -- You know, there's "fat"... - And then there's "fat-fat"- So what am I? - "Fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-"
ga940817 -- All right! - I lost a few pounds! And I found them. - I wish that was just an old joke.
ga940818 -- You're as light as a feather! - - A really, really, REALLY big feather.
ga940819 -- Go ahead. Give me the truth. I can take it. - Earth's orbit around the sun is slowly deteriorating. One day we'll fall to a fiery demise! - Not that truth. Your sister has mange?
ga940820 -- Hack! Cough! The weight's too much! I'm a goner! - Lean over, I want to see your face before I go... - Or IS that your face?... This is called justifiable homicide.
ga940821 -- - I wonder if Jon fixed the toaster? click - KA-CHOINNG! - PWING! PWANG! - YAAAHHHH!! - CRASH! PWING! PWANG! YIPE! - CRAAASHH! Yup.
ga940822 -- - - I just might want to take a picture of something other than you, Garfield. Why?
ga940823 -- I think I'll try the direct approach. - Hop in! - Just a thought.
ga940824 -- I'm tired. - I'm Garfield. - You look like you're Jon, tired.
ga940825 -- - I'm creating the illusion of movement. - You need dusting. It's not working.
ga940826 -- - CHOMP GOBBLE GOBBLE SNARF SNARF - I need to get away from you. Burp. How come?
ga940827 -- Saturday night, and the moon is full. - Out of the night, a cry to all that is wild and free... - LET'S POLKA! I think I'll turn in early.
ga940828 -- - - dunk dunk - wring wring - -
ga940829 -- Beware of dog?! Ha! Ha! Ha! - Ooooo. You must be very mean... - Touch, too.
ga940830 -- Beware Of Bird Oh, really? - PTOO CLANK! - Yes...definitely really.
ga940831 -- I don't entirely enjoy your company. - Pardon my bluntness. - BEWARE OF THE WILLING-TO-SHARE-HIS-FEELINGS DOG.
ga940901 -- BEWARE OF FROG - ? - ZIP SPLAT!
ga940902 -- - Aren't you going to try to get me? - I'm cutting down on the fat in my diet. You ARE vicious.
ga940903 -- You're ugly. - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - As if it's my fault.
ga940904 -- DINGLE * DINGLE * - - Go get it, boy! DINGLE *  - DINGLE * DINGLE * - DINGLE * - -
ga940905 -- - I have candy. -
ga940906 -- Doctors report that you shouldn't- click - Studies find that it's hard to- click - Next-a salute to bacon! Now we're talking.
ga940907 -- Bet you can't find Odie! - What are you doing with that shovel? - Ah, ah, ah...no hints!
ga940908 -- That's a big cup of coffee! - No, it's just right. - For this doughnut.
ga940909 -- Here's uncle Ned. He loved farming. - "The smell of the earth is the perfume of life," he'd say. - That explains the dirt clod up his nose.
ga940910 -- - I wonder how long he intends to be there? - Uh-oh.
ga940911 -- click click click click - Rats! There's nothing on T.V.! click click - - YAAAHHHH! rrrrrr - YAAAAHHHH! rrrr - YAAAAAAAAAHHHH! rrrrr - YAAAHHH! rrrrrr
ga940912 -- Higher...higher... - Perfect! - bidditty bidditty bidditty bidditty
ga940913 -- - - yeeeoooow!
ga940914 -- - SWAT! - The old "newspaper-on-the-foot" trick.
ga940915 -- - - plip
ga940916 -- - SWAT! - Th thrill is gone.
ga940917 -- Gimme your measuring tape! - Thanks! - REALLY big spider!
ga940918 -- PET SHOW Am I on? - And now for the talent portion of our competition! - Walter Schmidlapp and Petey! OOoOOO MY PAPA ** - ---Teresa Glotz and Lizzy! - ...Timmy Minko and Blinky! - ...Peggy Smith and Pickles! - ...Jon Arbuckle and Garfield!
ga940918 -- BLINKY! WAAAHH! Heeere, piggy, piggy, piggy.
ga940919 -- Eat your ice cream before it melts. - - Ice cream melts?
ga940920 -- - BONK! MEOW! - Pardon my language.
ga940921 -- The mighty lion lies poised and hungry. - A cruel smile reveals his lethal fangs. - Garfield, you look like a deranged walrus. He spies his first victim.
ga940922 -- - POP! - The sound of an exploding cat. My worst fear!
ga940923 -- I think I'll go do something. - Ha - He never could keep up with me.
ga940924 -- Hi there! - This is me being friendly. - This makes my face hurt.
ga940925 -- - - - - - THUD -
ga940926 -- Ah! Good morning, world! - SNIFFFF - GAAAAGHH! SNORT! SHORT! SNORT! COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH SNOOORT! Inhaled an entire monarch butterfly.
ga940927 -- Try not to do anything annoying today. - I'll make a note of it. - How do you spell "annoying"?
ga940928 -- I'm just driving to the store. Be right back. - SLAM! YEEEEOOOW! - Don'tcha hate hot car seats?
ga940929 -- I think I'll put a smile on Jon's face! - -
ga940930 -- I've never been happier in my... - CRASH! - This chair has been tampered with. Now I'M happy.
ga941001 -- SHRED SHRED SHRED - SHRED SHRED SHRED - You like my new chair? "New" is hardly the word.
ga941002 -- Z tick tick tick - BRRIIIINNG - RIIINNNG - FLUSK RRRIIINNNnnnnnn nnblub nblub nblub nblub - - - The toilet is ringing! What should I do? Take a message.
ga941003 -- Books are very important. - - I'm sitting on one to get a better view of the T.V.
ga941004 -- BOOT! - Autumn is here and the dogs are falling!
ga941005 -- Garfield, I wonder if I've lived any former lives. - I doubt it. - You're not even living this one.
ga941006 -- Looks aren't everything, Garfield. There's also personality. - - Uh, there's always personal hygiene. You gonna floss your way into some babe's heart?
ga941007 -- I'm back! - Of course, I haven't been anywhere, so I guess I'm NOT back. - Where am I?
ga941008 -- Poor aunt Zelda. Overeating did her in. - She was at the zoo. - Tried to take food from a wolverine. Ouch.
ga941009 -- - ** DING-DONG! - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - - * DING DONG! ** - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK Honey, it's the doorbell again!
ga941010 -- You don't look well, Garfield. - Maybe it was something you ate. - As if that would narrow it down. Smart guy.
ga941011 -- AH-CHOO! - ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! - I think you may be coming down with something, Garfield. Gee, Dr. Salk, what tipped you off?
ga941012 -- Stupid code. Sniff - HONK -
ga941013 -- AH...AHHH...AHHH..* - Nothing! Don't you just hate it when... - CHOO!
ga941014 -- How's your cold, Garfield? Great! HONNNK! - sniff sniff I'm not so well. - But the cold's doing great.
ga941015 -- Still have your cold, Garfeld? snif Yes. I wish it would go away. - What's that old saying mom used to use?..."Feed a cold, starve a fever". - In the UBBER hand...
ga941016 -- - POISONOUS SPIDER! - Get me a chair and a whip! - Get me a ten-gallon drum of bug spray! - It's a venom.spewing hairy-legged killer! - - Or a piece of lint.
ga941017 -- "Doughnuts are the perfect food, declares doctor". - That's the fattest doctor I've ever seen. - Not to mention the happiest.
ga941018 -- Garfield, I hope you don't take this the wrong way... - But you're getting as fat as a pig. Fine, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way... - And I hope you don't take THIS the wrong way!
ga941019 -- - - You have a lot to learn about goofing off.
ga941020 -- Nobody's home. - - I hate having to get on my own nerves.
ga941021 -- Why are you reading when you could be talking to me? - ZIP - So, read any good books lately?
ga941022 -- COUGH COUUUGH HACK HACK HAAACK - HAAACK cough couch HARRRRF hock hock hocccch HACK COUGH - You don't care for the outdoors, do you? How's a guy to breathe with all that fresh air out there?!
ga941023 -- click click click click click click - Z - Z - Z - Z - YAWN - - YAH Good things come to those who wait.
ga941024 -- Why hello, Mr. Puppet! - How are you, Mr. Puppet? Let me shake your... - EEEYUCK! That's Mr. "Tongue" Puppet to you.
ga941025 -- - skrik - What do you do when they think up stuff that's not in the instruction manual?
ga941026 -- Hey, look! Odie and I have been making funny face. - If you keep doing that your face will atay like that. - NOW you tell us!
ga941027 -- Ha! Ha!I told you if you made a face, it would stick! - GRINK - THAT'S NOT FUNNY! Then why am I smiling?
ga941028 -- Who'd have ever believed if you made a face It'd stick that way? The mothers of the world. - Wanna go out with me? - EEEEEEEK Thought I might as well have some fun. You're sick.
ga941029 -- Maybe we can unfreeze our faces if we just relax. - SIIIIGH - That's better...sort of. My nose is in my coffee!
ga941030 -- Z - Z - Boo! Who are you? - I'm the ghost of the goldfish you ate last summer. You're kidding. - And I'm here to haunt you! Ooooo, I'm so, scared. - Along with a few others you've eaten. This could be trouble.
ga941031 -- Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! - Correction. - Greetings, empty trash cans and a cardboard box!
ga941101 -- ...and so the moose says, "that was no chicken, that was my wife!" - KONK! - Even the band hates my act.
ga941102 -- Greetings, ladies and germs! Welcome to... tappity tappity tappity - SPLOT! - The dinner show.
ga941103 -- Fellow cats, please welcome the amazing Zarconi Brothers! - MICE!!! - Tough crowd. BURP Encore!!
ga941104 -- Anyone here tonight from out of town? - BONK! - Hawaii! How nice!
ga941105 -- Hey, you've been a beautiful audience! clap clap clap clap - Just beautiful! Don't ever change, and I mean it! Love ya! Goodnight!... clap clap clap clap - Mom clap clap clap clap
ga941106 -- - Look, boys! Pigs! Let's all imitate a pig! Do we have to? - Oink Oink Oink Oink Oink - Very good. Ooo! Cows! Let's be a cow! - Moom Moooo Moooo - A POSSUM! THUMP! THUMP! - Very funny.
ga941107 -- I'm back from my world travels! - Weren't you just in the kitchen? - It's the world to ME.
ga941108 -- I love comedy! - Hitting someone with a pie isn't funny. Oh. - I love drama.
ga941109 -- - It's impossible not to be cheerful when Odie's around. - So I'll leave.
ga941110 -- WHIRRRRRRRRRR - Garfield! What are you doing? - Eliminating the middleman.
ga941111 -- Jon went shopping. - He read that women are attracted to men who wear hats. - Oh yeah?! Well there are chicks who go crazy for earflaps! A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
ga941112 -- Yes! Exercise! - - Yes! Just lying here!
ga941113 -- - lap lap lap - ODIE! Do not drink my water! - GARFIELD! Keep your paws off my potatoes! - STOP LICKING MY PORK CHOP! - GOBBLE GOBBLE NARF NARF CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! HA! What are you trying to do? Make us sick?
ga941114 -- You know what we could use around here? - Some hilarious high jinks. - Would that require getting up?
ga941115 -- I'm almost completely bored. - - My foot is having a good time.
ga941116 -- Do you ever get the feeling that you're missing out on a lot of things? Yes, I do. - - Is that bad?
ga941117 -- Sigh. - My standards are too low. - And don't think I don't appreciate that.
ga941118 -- Ah, friday night. SPLAT! SPLAT! - Looks like I win again, Garfield! Yee-ha. - Fun with sardines.
ga941119 -- - - Is it boring in here, or is it just you?
ga941120 -- - - wind wind wind - - -
ga941121 -- Howdy, pardner. - - A ten-gallon hat on a one-quart head.
ga941122 -- Howdy, Garfield! - I am a genuine cowbow! Yee-ha. - Let's hit the trail! Right after our sissy hangin'.
ga941123 -- I have the clothes...I have the guitar... - I'm Jon Arbuckle, singing cowboy! - ** I'm sittin' on my spurs, mama ** First we hang his guitar and make him watch.
ga941124 -- My new fish is very exotic. - When threatened, it expands to fifty times its size. - You don't say.
ga941125 -- Another goldfish eaten. - Think of the money I've spent on these things. Really. - You could have saved up and bought me a trout.
ga941126 -- You are way too fat. - Unless, of course, you're an elephant. - Whoa! Jon thinks I'm an elephant.
ga941127 -- - - - - - GULP! -
ga941128 -- Wow. The same thing is on every channel! click click - click click click click - The remote is broken. click click click click Get real! what are the chances of that?
ga941129 -- Coming up next: shows that are three seconds long... - For those who like to change channels... - But are too lazy to press the buttons! Finally!
ga941130 -- Today on "Cooking for Cats"...healthy salads! - We have our lettuce, our carrots, our tomatoes... - And now we add our squirrel. I like organic food.
ga941201 -- The following program contains scenes not suitable for cats. - ARF! - What's this world coming to? click!
ga941202 -- KICK! - - Hey! Stop enjoying that!
ga941203 -- Good things come to those who wait. - - Personally, I feel grabbing and running is pretty effective too!
ga941204 -- - ** * * ** - ** * * ** - ** * * ** - ** * * ** - ** * * ** - ** * * ** - ** * * **
ga941205 -- Today's the day I do nothing. - Unless I'm mistaken. - Though being mistaken would be something, not nothing. So if today's the the day I do nothing, I can't be mistaken. Unless I'm mistaken.
ga941206 -- BONK! - Was there any damage? - No. It looks all right.
ga941207 -- Z - Odie's asleep and I'm awake. Z - What to do, what to do.
ga941208 -- Some dirty, rotten, low-down, slimy... - Filthy, disgusting, gluttonous, hog... - STOLE MY SUPPER! I'm picking up some tension here.
ga941209 -- BARK! BARK! SNARL SNARL SNARL ARF ARF BARK BEWARE OF THE DOG - BARK! BARK! ARF ARF BARK! BARK! erase erase erase -
ga941210 -- - This cake is light as a feather! - Pssssss Ate the cake. Left the frosting.
ga941211 -- - The first snowflake! - - Jon! Jon! - - - wipe wipe
ga941212 -- - Winter is here. - Don't answer the door.
ga941213 -- When shopping for a Christmas tree, there are two things to keep in mind... - One: look for a tree with soft, supple needles. - And two: your ceiling is never as high as you remember.
ga941214 -- - GARFIELD! - Spread those around!
ga941215 -- Okay, Garfield, the lights are all hung! Plug 'er in! This is the moment I look forward to every year. - FZZZZT - The annual blowing out of the neighborhood power grid.
ga941216 -- RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE Hmm...a nice loud rattle. - That's a good sign. - That means it's no underwear.
ga941217 -- Look, Garfield, we got another Christmas card! - "Merry Christmas, you sow.huggin', cow-kissin', sissy, city boy". - I think it's from Doc Boy It must be. He spelled his name wrong.
ga941218 -- - - - - Nice job, boys-
ga941219 -- BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG - Perfect! -
ga941220 -- ! - sniff sniff sniff - AhHA!! NOG breath! Curses.
ga941221 -- You know, Garfield... - Santa KNOWS whether you've been good or bad all year. - Does he give points for being ingratiating?
ga941222 -- What did Santa say when he got stuck upside down in the chimney? - !OH !OH !OH - Ow! No hard candy! Ow! Ow!
ga941223 -- Sigh...I love the holiday season. - The lights, the presents, the caroling... - GARFIELD!!! The (burp) Christmas cookies...
ga941224 -- I know how excited you are about Christmas, Garfield... - And I know it's Christmas eve... - But it's only noon! Quiet! The sooner I get to sleep, the sooner it'll be tomorrow!
ga941225 -- Sigh - What a great Christmas, Garfield. - The tree is beautiful, the ham was delicious... - And the presents were terrific. - But the best thing about Christmas is being together. - If I could only find you. Who said that? Urf?
ga941226 -- Christmas is over. - Better change into something more appropriate. -
ga941227 -- That sweater mom made you for Christmas looks good on you, Garfield. So what's the catch? - And it fits good, too. There's gotta be a catch. - And it's 100% cow. There MUST be a catch.
ga941228 -- Next year I resolve to grow chest hair! - Ahem. - That's "fur".
ga941229 -- - Talk about insecure. - Jon's practicing for the new year's party.
ga941230 -- * - - *
ga941231 -- - ** fweeeeee - Happy new year.
ga950101 -- Garfield! Wake up! - Come on, Garfield! Time's wasting! - It's a new year, pal. Time for a new start! - There's a new world out there with new challenges! - And it's all mine! - TALLYHO!! - New year, new start, new world, same Jon.
ga950102 -- You know what the world needs? - More sugary treats! - Love! What are you? Some kind of a nut?
ga950103 -- Bad news, Garfield. I forgot to buy cat food! - Oh, no! - Whatever will I do?
ga950104 -- Here you go, Jon! - I'm not your pet! You're mine! - And furthermore...is that turkey?
ga950105 -- - Sigh - This, obviously, is not my hat.
ga950106 -- ? - Every sweater I own is missing. - Warm at last.
ga950107 -- Do you think I'm funny? - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - Sorry. I thought you were kidding.
ga950108 -- - - - - DING-DONG - YES? - z-wip SPLOT!
ga950109 -- - - Found a spider in the freezer.
ga950110 -- Spider race! - WHAP! - The winner!
ga950111 -- cough cough - How about a cough drop? WHAP - Those things really work.
ga950112 -- - SWAT! - heh heh heh This is not a good sign.
ga950113 -- O.K. Garfield, pretend I'm a mouse. - I'm running across the room. What do you do? - Take me to your cheese.
ga950114 -- - What's this? - A list of things I'm NOT going to do today!
ga950115 -- - - POP POP POP POP POP POP - POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP - POP POP POP POP POP POP POP - POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP - Milk? I think I'll have toast.
ga950116 -- - - You're not very cheerful today. - You missed it.
ga950117 -- - What a beautiful, sunny day! -
ga950118 -- - You are a dolt. You ar eugly, and you are generally unacceptable. - They love attention.
ga950119 -- BLAGOONGA! - Blaoonga? - Odie needs tuning.
ga950120 -- Jane, congratulations! You have won the grand prize! - A night out with Jon Arbuckle! - She'd rather have a dishwasher. Counter with a bun warmer.
ga950121 -- What do you think of when you see a beautiful scene like this, Garfield? - Pizza. - And that stump over there reminds me of a lasagna.
ga950122 -- Saw it. click - Saw it. click - Saw it. click - Saw it. click Saw it. click Saw it. click - Rats! Reruns! I wanna see something different! -
ga950123 -- Coffee? - - Your guess is as good mine.
ga950124 -- Is your coffee too strong, Garfield? - I don't know. - Before I could taste it, it got up and walked away.
ga950125 -- Be careful, Garfield. - That coffee is hot. - Thanks for the warning.
ga950126 -- One more sip of coffee would probably be a mistake. - - I know my caffeine.
ga950127 -- Jon says if I run fast, I can avoid exercise! - * - Waaaaaait a second.
ga950128 -- Look! I brought you a nice, juicy bone! - I'll leave it here, just out of your reach. - Enjoy!
ga950129 -- click click click - Reruns! click click click click - Yesterday's news... - Leftovers! - There's never anything NEW around here! - Run for your life! The plumbing backed up, and thousands of piranha are spawning in the toilet!! - AGAIN?!
ga950130 -- I'm reading about the pioneers. Like my crazy great-grandfather, Oslo. - He moved his family thousands of miles across uncharted territory. - They were very brave. "I hear a can opener," he kept saying.
ga950131 -- Jon, did you say I should, or should NOT stop bothering you? - GO AWAY! - Not until you answer my question.
ga950201 -- Oh, great. A new mouse hole. - plit - What's that? Standard lease agreement.
ga950202 -- I'm improving my mind. - You should try it sometime. Okay. - Now what can I do to improve Jon's mind?
ga950203 -- Beware Of The Old Dog - What are you going to do? Gum me? - That geezer's lethal with a cane.
ga950204 -- Ah, that was a great meal. - scrape scrape scrape scrape - By, golly, he's right.
ga950205 -- - - zwip WOOP! - zwippy zwippy WOAAAH WOOO! - YI YI YI YI - Whew! - SPLAT
ga950206 -- ? - tap tap tap -
ga950207 -- The Cat Channel presents everyone's favorite game show... - "Sleeping For Dollars!" - Z Z Z Z Z I love sports.
ga950208 -- Z - Z click - Eighteen hours, nine minutes. Roll me over. I can do better!
ga950209 -- I wish I were asleep. - You ARe asleep. - Then that explains that. Z
ga950210 -- I know what you want, Garfield. - I can read your mind. - You want food! Sure, and by the way, your car's on fire.
ga950211 -- For diner you are having some disgusting glop I made from who knows what. - - All right!
ga950212 -- - - SMACK - flink - snicker snicker - Z - I hate spiders.
ga950213 -- AARRRGH! - I have cat hair all over me! brush brush brush - Join the club.
ga950214 -- You're shedding. AM NOT! - - snip snip
ga950215 -- Well if this isn't "Mister Gluttony" - How are you, "Mister I Think I'll Eat Two Dozen Doughnuts In One Sitting"? - Taking a nap "Mister Stuff My Face Till I Pass Out"? Just don't call me "Mister Lardo".
ga950216 -- Garfield has a bad habit of. - How about this weather? - Interrupting me.
ga950217 -- - - Did it suddenly get stupider in here?
ga950218 -- - - I can't wait for spring.
ga950219 -- * - Hey, Odie. I'll be you and you be me! - pant pant pant - BARK! BARK! - GULP PUNT - Z I've been a dog only two minutes and I already have cats.
ga950220 -- What happened to all the aluminium foil? - - Disgiused as a leftover, Garfield? Shhhh! You'll spook the meatloaf!
ga950221 -- The Loch Ness cat surfaces. - He surveys his territory. - And spies a diet on the horizon.
ga950222 -- You have a bad attitude about this diet, Garfield. - To successfully diet, you have to want to diet. - It's hard to find a reason to diet when your wardrobe always fits.
ga950223 -- Jon's right! I'm going to approach this diet with a positive mental attitude! - With a smile on my face. - And a frown in my stomach.
ga950224 -- Don't eat those doughnuts! You're on a diet, Garfield! - I won't eat 'em, I'll swear! - I JUST WANT TO RUB THEM ALL OVER MY BODY!
ga950225 -- - AAARRGHH - So how did you do on your diet? Let's just say I won't be wearing bikini briefs to the beach anytime soon.
ga950226 -- - - STICK 'EM UP! - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Hee Hee Hee. - YAH HA HA HA HO HO HOOOO! pound pound YAHH HA HA HA HA - Hee hee hee hee...hoo boy...hee hee - Hee..* - GARFIELD!
ga950227 -- Garfield was real grumpy this morning. - So I sent him out for a nice walk... - Which seems to have done some good! I maimed three squirrels.
ga950228 -- Hello, fatso. - Hello, shredded shirt. -
ga950301 -- I've never been in better shape in my life! - *I* have! - I guess I topped him!
ga950302 -- You're lazy, Garfield. I happen to be conducting a scientific experiment, thank you. - Lazy, lazy. I'm testing the first law of physics... - Lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy! "Bodies at rest tend to stay at rest".
ga950303 -- Woof woof  Meow meow Blah-dee-blah-dee-dah - Hee hee hee hee hee - Small talk.
ga950304 -- I always like to make sure Odie and I have the exact same amount of food. - -
ga950305 -- Can we talk? - I'll tell you, Pooky, life's not fair. I'm forced to live with a dog who looks like a lemon with a tongue... - And an owner whose idea of a good time is taping his lips to a... * - Do you mind?! I was just confiding my teddy
ga950305 -- bear! - - - Did you see that? He treats me like an intruder around here, and furthermore...
ga950306 -- It's Power Pooky! Duh, duh, duh, duuuuuuuh! - Able to stave off loneliness in a single hug! - You don't need big muscles to be a super hero.
ga950307 -- - *SQUEEEEZE - You never hug ME like that. With all due respect, you're no teddy bear.
ga950308 -- Sigh - HUGGG - Thanks. No problem.
ga950309 -- How was your meal, Garfield? Fine, thanks. - And how about you, Pooky? Are you STUFFED? - I'm not even going to dignify that with a grin.
ga950310 -- That concludes tonight's program. - Next on "nature world"... - The bear...friend of man? Or vicious killer?
ga950311 -- What do you want to do today, Pooky? - PLOP - Not much with words, but what an idea man!
ga950312 -- - Come a little closer. Make me. - Make me make you. Make me make you make me. - Make me make you make me make you. Make me make you make me make you make me. - Make me make you make me make you make me make you. Make me make you make me
ga950312 -- make...um...ummm... - Wait a minute. I forgot what we were talking about. - Come a littler closer, and I'll tell you. Make me.
ga950313 -- All cats love to play in paper bags! Go on, try it! - - Am I having fun yet? SEE?!
ga950314 -- - I can wait, bird. - Sooner or later, you've gotta come out of there again.
ga950315 -- - TWIST -
ga950316 -- - Cream in your coffee, Garfield? - I'M SORRY! DID I OFFEND YOUR SENSE OF AESTHETICS?!
ga950317 -- Z - Click! Z - Hey! I was watching that!
ga950318 -- - ATTENTION! STEP AWAY FROM THE BURGER! STEP AWAY FROM THE BURGER! - WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP A BURGER Alarm! Ah-HA
ga950319 -- flippy flippy flippy flippy - flippy flippy flippy flippy - flippy flippy flippy flippy - flippy flippy flippy flippy - - - flippy flippy flippy flippy
ga950320 -- I'm calling the travel agency to plan our vacation. - Hello, Donna? Jon Arbuckle. I wanna go somewhere tropical and cheap...great! Book 'em Donna! - Pack your bags, ol' buddy. We are going to the island of Guano-Guano! Why is it I have the
ga950320 -- feeling this trip has a curse on it?
ga950321 -- Well, I'M ready to start our vacation. - Are you packed yet, Garfield? - All set.
ga950322 -- As usual, Garfield, I'm going to have to dress you up to take you on the airplane. - Well, I guess this outfit isn't so bad... - Considering...
ga950323 -- Where's Odie? I hop he's okay. - Relax, Jon. How much trouble could he get into on a plane?
ga950324 -- I wonder how you make these seats recline. - Maybe this little button does the trick. - Nope. That's not it.
ga950325 -- - The captain apologizes for the slight turbulence. - This also concludes the meal portion of your flight.
ga950326 -- - May I help you, sir? I'm fine, thanks. - * - Are you sure you don't need anything? Tell me... - Is it my cologne? My charm? My rugged good looks? What? - What are you talking about? Hey, admit it! You can't leave me alone. What's the story?
ga950326 -- - Okay, big boy, I'll tell you... - Your bratty kids keep pushing the call button. The Glurkons have invaded our space! Activate the deflector shields, officer Odie! Bing Bing Bing Bing
ga950327 -- Well, here we are in beautiful Guano-Guano, guys! - Look, a native! ALOHA, DUDE! - Aloha, this! Uh, must be an obscure Guano-Guano greeting. No, I think that's pretty universal.
ga950328 -- We'd like a room, please. - Sorry, we don't allow pets. - Very well, he'll sleep in the car.
ga950329 -- Hey, where's the bed in this room? - SLAM! - Here it is, Jon. ...Jon?
ga950330 -- Let's hit the beach! What the? - Natives here wear palm fronds, so I'm going to blend right in! - When in Rome, do as the Romans do! So this is dorkland.
ga950331 -- You going to a costume party? - I thought people from Guano-Guano wore palm fronds. Not since the investation of leaf weasels. - WOAH! HEY! WOAH! MUNCH CHOMP MUNCH Kind of sad, isn't it? Not ot mention indecent.
ga950401 -- Look, Garfield, a sheell. Jon. - If you put this on your ear, you can hear the ocean! Uh...Jon? - Isn't that the shell of the spiny screaming death crab?
ga950402 -- Guano-Guano TIKI HUT - Isn't this exciting? A real tropical restaurant! Ahem. - Uh, the only thing on the menu is "unguah". What's that? You don't want to know. - Not even a hint? Trust me. You don't want to know. - Okay, we'll take three
ga950402 -- orders. Excellent choice, sir. - Hey, this stuff isn't bad! - AN UNGUAH! STOMP! Check please.
ga950403 -- Springtime is here! Lock the door. - It's time for our traditional greeting! Oh no! - HELLO, MISTER SPRINGTIME!! This is the lowest point of the year.
ga950404 -- - SHOONK - Mow the lawn!
ga950405 -- Beware Of The Artistic Dog - Yeah, right. -
ga950406 -- - - That floor is pretty cold this morning, isn't it?
ga950407 -- Chapter one: "Encouraging your cat to exercise". - - Chapter two: "Meet mister Cattle Prod". I think I'll sleep in the car.
ga950408 -- TLOK TLOK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK - TLOK TLOK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK - Psst! Odie! Want some more peanut butter?
ga950409 -- - Ah, spring... - When a young cat's fancy... - Lightly turns to thoughts of... - ping! ZOOOM - - Daisies!
ga950410 -- People think I'm boring. - That's not entirely true, Jon. - Cats think you're boring, too.
ga950411 -- And now, to demonstrate dog's amazing tracking ability, here's Odie! - - Yo! Over here! This way!
ga950412 -- Help! The walls are closing in on me! - Oh...never mind. - Walk into a closet again? Smart guy.
ga950413 -- It's time for the weather! - But, there was no weather today! - Hey! This job is easy when you don't get out of your chair. Tell me about it.
ga950414 -- Jon's mother made him a new sweater. - And he looks great in it! - There doesn't seem to be an opening for my head. Like I said...
ga950415 -- Faithful Odie, always cheerful...so loving... - And faithful Garfield, always so...soo.. Yes? - There. Thank you! Thank you!
ga950416 -- - - - YAAAH! - Disgusting! - Vile! - And tha spider's ugly, too.
ga950417 -- - Cats are supposed to chase mice. - Fascinating! Tell me more about cats!
ga950418 -- Chase the mouse! - Jon, Jon, Jon... - How can I chase him if he isn't moving?
ga950419 -- Can you reach the mouse, Garfield? - No. - But I can reach his refrigerator!
ga950420 -- Jon, I'm circulating a petition asking that the mouse move out. - I might even sign it myself. - Yes, nature can be cruel.
ga950421 -- WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! - Uh, Garfield... WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! - Yes?
ga950422 -- - - C'mon, mouse...let go! Say "Pretty please with a cherry on top".
ga950423 -- - Well! - For once it's nice to see you on the job! - It's about time you earned your keep around here! - Keep up the good work! pat pat pat - - Got any threes? Go fish.
ga950424 -- - Lousy weather we're having. - Not if you don't get out of bed!
ga950425 -- Can you birds come out to play? - Sure! - Right after we finish eating these juicy worms! Never mind.
ga950426 -- Garfield... - Did you drop this bowling ball? - Me?
ga950427 -- BOOT! - - In case you were wondering, the paint's not dry yet.
ga950428 -- The news is too depressing. - So tonight I'll read a comic book instead! - Zombies from Venus are invading earth? - Film at eleven.
ga950429 -- Hmmm. Interesting lettuce. - - There's a phrase you don't hear every day.
 ga950430 -- - wrap wrap wrap wrap - YAWK spinnn - spinnnnnnn - spinnnnnn - *** - HURK! GARFIELD!
ga950501 -- I'm tired. - Not only can't I hold my eyes open... - I can barely hold someone else's eyes open.
ga950502 -- - - I'm hiding from Odie.
ga950503 -- Do not take the lid off this jar! - - I took the jar off the lid!
ga950504 -- How have I been? I'm fine, thank me. - Well, I look good. Thank me for saying so. - Tell me, what have I been up to? I hate it when his guests don't show up.
ga950505 -- I'm in a playful mood. - And when I'm in a playful mood, that can mean only one thing! - Chess by mail! Do you feel that? That's electricity in the air!
ga950506 -- Yawn - Oooooo - YAWN Show-off.
ga950507 -- - - pick - - -
ga950508 -- There are your global disasters... - There are your national emergencies... - And then there's Jon. Well, I was flossing, and...
ga950509 -- I can't sleep. - Here it is, 3 A.M., and I'm still wide awake. - You can't possibly realize how annoying that is.
ga950510 -- Marcia, if you're not busy tonight... - I'd like to treat you to a movie. - Well, I was thinking of going too... There's always a catch.
ga950511 -- You are fat, Garfield! - No I'm not! - Your stomach is snowcapped. I was standing too close to the freezer, okay?!
ga950512 -- Z - I feel safer when he's asleep. - BONK! Z
ga950513 -- I put a bell around Garfield's neck. - Now I'll be able to tell where he is. - Ha! Ha!
ga950514 -- BRRRIIINNNGG!!! - - Razor. - scrape scrape scrape - Comb. - - BZZZZZZZZ This going to be even funnier when he wakes up.
ga950515 -- Did you know that spiders aren't insect? - WHAM! - Funny, they squish like insects.
ga950516 -- - - Now THAT'S a strong cup of coffee.
ga950517 -- smack! - SMACK! - Hey! What happened to "The Far Side"?
ga950518 -- Geronimo! - - I'm not getting enough sleep.
ga950519 -- - - tappity tappity tappity
ga950520 -- * lap lap lap lap - lap lap lap - burrrrp
ga950521 -- - tappy tappy tappy tappy tappy tappy - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - SPLOT SPLUT! SPLUT SPLOT! - Never follow a dog act.
ga950522 -- Dog: man's best friend. - Man: dog's best friend. - YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER!
ga950523 -- The National Nonviolent Network... - proudly presents... - "Balloon Toss at The O.K. Corral". I can't watch!
ga950524 -- Garfield, see wht this tastes like. - Tastes like an old hyena! - It's old hyena. Then why don't I feel like laughing?
ga950525 -- Ah! Snack food! - Potato chips and sparrows! - What have you got there? Potato chips and stuff.
ga950526 -- Z - OGGGG YESSS, IT'S A BEEEAUTIFUL MORNING!! - That's one bubble I can't wait to burst.
ga950527 -- Do you ever feel like you just have to get up and get out? - Happened last week. - I sat on a ferret.
ga950528 -- Z - - - - Z -
ga950529 -- Greetings, folks! I...um...um... - Never hire a dog as a cue card boy. -
ga950530 -- TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - BONK! - I want that usher's name!
ga950531 -- A funny thing happened on the way to the fence tonight. I walked up to this chihuahua and asked him for five bucks. - He said, "Sorry, I'm a little short right now"! - No, I kid chihuahuas! Seriously, they're a beautiful breed of rat, I mean
ga950531 -- dog! But I wanna tell you...
ga950601 -- I know why you people don't get my jokes! You're not hip! You're too old! - Why don't you all go home? Isn't it past your bedtime?! - KONK!
ga950602 -- Maestro, if you please... - ** Ahem...in my key, please. - ** Thank you.
ga950603 -- You wouldn't hit a cat with glasses, would you? - SPLAT! SPLUT SPLIT SPLOT SPLAT SPLOT SPLOT SPLUT! -
ga950604 -- - Hey, guys! Look at the chicks! - I have just the thing to impress them. - In-line skates! - Get ready to meet your destiny...let's GO!!! - YAAAAAAaaaaaaaaahh I think it was the "destiny" line that should have tipped me off.
ga950605 -- Poor Jon, sitting there so peacefully. - I really should stop harassing him. - But first I have to get rid of this brick.
ga950606 -- - SHOOM! -
ga950607 -- YAWN - YAWN - We do our own stunts.
ga950608 -- To keep Garfield from taking cookies, I have installed a surveillance camera. - - Hey! Where's my camera?! Stole it. Sold it. Bought more cookies.
ga950609 -- I'm a talking bird! - And you are a fat. ugly cat! - Who is no longer hungry.
ga950610 -- Coming up next... - Advanced drape clawing techniques. - Educational T.V.!
ga950611 -- Yawn. Yawn. - Good night, Garfield. click Good night, Jon. click - zzzZZSNOORE - click SNOORRRRE - click SNOOOORE - HARK!-KAFF! KAFF! GASP! SNORT! SNORT! SNAAAARK! - GAHHHHEEE!!! Oh. pipe down and gimme your pillow.
ga950612 -- - OH, NO! - My birthday is right around the corner!
ga950613 -- How does it feel to be turning 17, Garfield? Great! - I'm learning something new every day! - And forgetting two old things.
ga950614 -- I'm not aging, I'm maturing. - - Okay, so I'm aging.
ga950615 -- If you tell me how old you're going to be next week, I promise not to laugh. - Seventeen. - I would have preferred the laugh.
ga950616 -- There are lots of advantaged to growing older! There's, uh... - -
ga950617 -- Well! How nice! - A birthday card. - Thanks. Sa' right.
ga950618 -- Who, me? - - AH CHOO! - HA! - - - POO! - Thank goodness!
ga950619 -- WOOOOOSH - - Happy 17th. Practice! That was practice!
ga950620 -- Z - Wow. Z - He got out of bed today. Z
ga950621 -- - It would be nice to see you two cooperating. - I guess I asked for it.
ga950622 -- Do not damage the new couch! Okay! - CRASH! BAM! SMASH! - Destroyed everything BUT the couch, right? Everything.
ga950623 -- Beware Of The Dog - And His Little Fiend - Mr. Wolverine That does it.
ga950624 -- They put a proverb under each yearbook picture. - Euphemia Hinkle: ! A penny saved is a penny earned". - Jon Arbuckle: "A fool and his money are soon parted".
ga950625 -- - - sniffff - ! - * - - WHAP!
ga950626 -- Reserved - - I'm a regular here.
ga950627 -- I might as well relax till I get rescued from this tree. Cats always get rescued. - - Buuuuut, what do I know?
ga950628 -- Windy today. - SCHWAP! - "Gemini: today you will reach new heights".
ga950629 -- Here comes the fire department! - I'm saved! - SQIRRRRT
ga950630 -- Stuck up in a tree again. - WHY do I stupid things like this?! - And that.
ga950701 -- It's Jon! I'm saved! - B-D-D-D-D-D - My hero.
ga950702 -- Dinner! - ZIP - - SPLOP! - GARFIELD! CHOMP SLURP NARF NARF MUNCH SMACK CHOMP - You pig! Where are your manners?! Forgive me. - NARF NARF CHOMP SLURP MUNCH CHOMP
ga950703 -- Today's the day we start a new roll of paper towels! - Hey, pal. Are you okay? Oh, I don't know, Jon. I so looked forward to this, and now that it's here, I guess I'm suffering from post-paper towel depressin... Heeey, are you picking on me?
ga950704 -- It wouldn't hurt you to go out and get a little sun! - I'll go out. - But I refuse to get any sun!
ga950705 -- I'm going to show the world I'm not lazy! - - If SOMEONE would please open the door for me. tap tap tap
ga950706 -- Lasagna, Garfield? I'd die for this guy. - It's low calorie. GULP - And one-third the fat. Then bring me two more, dip wad.
ga950707 -- Tonight the National Cat Channel presents... - An unwanted dog's tragic journey... - "Old drooler meets the electric fence". I should be taping this.
ga950708 -- Here, Odie! Here, Odie! - Garfield, is Odie outside? Mostly. -
ga950709 -- YAWN - - - click - - SMACK - click
ga950710 -- Everything around here is mine, mine, mine! - - Make me an offer.
ga950711 -- Everything is gray and dull. - - I just realized I haven't dusted in 17 years. Aha.
ga950712 -- Is that the best you can do? Belly to the ground! - LOAF, mister! LOAF! - I'm Odie's trainer.
ga950713 -- Sigh... - Today is 2.3% more than yesterday. - I have a great deal of experience in this area.
ga950714 -- - Come on, Garfield! There's a big, wonderful world out there! - I prefer my small, crummy world, thank you.
ga950715 -- It's the weekend, and you know what that means... - Two words, Garfield... - "Board Games". Whoa! My fun meter is a-jumpin' off the scale!
ga950716 -- Sigh. - Fishing is slow today, boys. Watch and learn. - Look at the big red worm! - Fish love corn. - And hate having faces made at them. - And they REALLY hate the polka. And I hate fishing in a comic strip.
ga950717 -- My uncle Ed was big on etiquette. - "Never belch out loud," he always said. - Then one day he blew out an eyeball.
ga950718 -- BOOT! - - Don't tell me...you're doing something different with your hair, right?
ga950719 -- I wonder if I'm just too sophisticated for my own good. - Excellent question. - Let's ask your bunny slippers what they think.
ga950720 -- Garfield! Dinner! - THHHHHHUUCK!! - What took you so long? It's a hot day, and that was a vinyl armchair.
ga950721 -- Nothing unpleasant has happened all day. - SPLUT! - All you had to do was ask.
ga950722 -- - STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! - Weirdo.
ga950723 -- SPROING TWANG THOT! - SPROING TWANG THOT! - SPROING TWANG THOT! - SPROING TWANG - THOT - Pull! GARFIELD!!
ga950724 -- Suzy the canary, missing october '78... - Spanky the goldfish, missing november `81. - Raymond the poisonous toad... Raymond I remember.
ga950725 -- Say "when". - - That was the last bag. In that case, "when".
ga950726 -- - - You blinked.
ga950727 -- Look, Garfield, an empty box! - You can hide i it, play in it... - Or empty the refrigerator. I need wheels.
ga950728 -- Garfield, it's the middle of the night! - What are you doing?! - And what's that smell? Barbecuing an owl.
ga950729 -- I'm making a little sandwich. - - Hey you! Yeah you across the street! Get away from my pastrami!
ga950730 -- Ahem. - Excuse me, I'm wearing an accordian... - Women are attracted to musicians, so I... Don't tell me. - Thi is that show where they play practical jokes, right? - The cat's a hidden camera, right? - I'm on television right now! We're
ga950730 -- drawing a crowd. - Perhaps if I played something. Hi, mom!
ga950731 -- Tonight's movie contains material of a graphic nature. - Viewer discretion is advised. - -
ga950801 -- BEWARE OF DOG - BEWARE OF CAT -
ga950802 -- - New haircut. - New shocked expression.
ga950803 -- Odie, is it true you're too stupid to know when you're insulted? - - I love that dog.
ga950804 -- Go away. Make me. - - Okey! Stay here! - See ya.
ga950805 -- chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp - chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp AWWWK! - I wasn't hungry. I just wanted to shut him up.
ga950806 -- ** RIIINNG! - ** RIIINNG - RIIINNG - Hello, Mr. Arbuckle? This is Liz, your pet's veterinarian. - I'm just calling to confirm the appointment for your cat's booster shot... - PANT PANT PANT PANT - The shot will be worth it just to see him try
ga950806 -- and explain that.
ga950807 -- Today I'm going to share with others! - - As soon as I find others with things I want.
ga950808 -- Today is Odie's birthday, not that you care! - Hey! I care! - There's a cake here somewhere, right?
ga950809 -- Great to see you, Odie! - - CRAASH! Wagged himself off the table.
ga950810 -- HellOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! - click - Don't claw my leg when I'm on the phone! Then when should I claw it?
ga950811 -- Garfield! Get in here! - squeak squeak squeak squeak - Let's talk LAZY Let's.
ga950812 -- * Oh, no! It's that daisy-stomping cat! - ** And there's nowhere to hide! -
ga950813 -- - Hi there. - Hey, you're a nurse! - Small world. Oh, are you a nurse? - No, but I had an appendectomy once. - Wanna see my scar? Sure. - Feast your eyes on this! And the plot thickens.
ga950814 -- CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP Thank you for that wonderful ovation! - CLAP CLAP YAAAY! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP BRAVO CLAP CLAP CLAP - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
ga950815 -- - schlurp - boing boing boinb
ga950816 -- skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter clomp - skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter clomp - peg leg.
ga950817 -- - click - yeeeeooow!!!!
ga950818 -- - FORE! WHOCK! -
ga950819 -- - - Spider pushups.
ga950820 -- Bedtime? Bedtime. - - tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck - tuck tuck tuck pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat - fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff - Z
ga950821 -- You like to be the center of attention, don't you? - - No, I don't!
ga950822 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Now you try it. - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! New guy.
ga950823 -- Do-nothing contest! - You win. - Ha! I win!
ga950824 -- So I jump into the pool. - Suddenly people are yelling, "rat in the pool!" - I was so embarrassed! There are some places where you just can't wear a chest toupee.
ga950825 -- - PLOP! - Watching another cooking show, Garfield? I'm emotinally drained.
ga950826 -- We're out of ketchup. - How did that happen? - I have no idea.
ga950827 -- Z - Z - Z - Z - ** DINGLE DINGLE -
ga950828 -- Boys, it's a beautiful day! Why don't we drive out to the beach? - - Besides, the TV is broken. Surf's up!
ga950829 -- Well, I guess I'll get undressed. - ZIP I planned ahead and wore my swimming trunks under my pants. - EEEK! YAAAHH! SHRIEEEK! Gee, nobody can wear a pastrami on rye the way you can, Jon.
ga950830 -- Garfield! Odie! - C'mon now...I don't look that bad... - Do I?
ga950831 -- C'mon, Garfield! Let's play with the beach ball! - C'mon, it'll be fun! Let's play! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! - Hey, that WAS fun!
ga950901 -- What was it that I liked about the beach so much? - Oh, yeah...I remember. - Absolutely nothing.
ga950902 -- Say, how about you and me doing some boogieboarding? - ssssssssss - A simple "no" would have sufficed! Poor Rusty.
ga950903 -- - - YAWN - YAWN - YAWN - yawn -
ga950904 -- Z - Z- - Some days you gotta work for it, and some days it walks right up to you.
ga950905 -- Bad day at the beach, Garfield. I warned you about going outside. - I met the worst bully ever. Yeah? - He made me throw sand in my face. sounds like one bad dude.
ga950906 -- tap tap - SHRIEEK! - WHAT?! Are you over that sunburn yet?
ga950907 -- I awoke to songbirds outside my window, Garfield. - Serenading me with sweet song. - Welcoming the morning. Tomorrow we should be able to sleep in...
ga950908 -- Jon wanted to mow the lawn. - I wanted to sleep. - We reached an agreement.
ga950909 -- I shouldn't kick Odie. BOOT! - CRASH! I really shouldn't. - You shouldn't eat all the ice cream. I really shouldn't.
ga950910 -- Z - YAWN - I hate mondays. Mondays are boring, woe is me... scratch scratch - Get the paper, Garfield. Sigh...yes master. - - It's sunday!
ga950911 -- Watch me fool Jon. - Hello, sir. I'm a pleasant cat! - Where's Garfield? I'm good.
ga950912 -- Beware of Dog - - So, scare me. I hate that sign.
ga950913 -- click click click click - Nothing good on. - Dogs are stupid. Hold on.
ga950914 -- That's odd. - I'm having trouble getting a date. - Shut up! I made one little gagging noise.
ga950915 -- - Hey, what happened to the other curtain? We'll look for it after the luau, Bwana.
ga950916 -- ARRRGGHHH! - THIS DOES NOT WORK! - NOW I'M SITTING IN THE GLUE!! So much for model building.
ga950917 -- Hmmmm - I haven't purred in a long time. - Cats only purr when they're happy and content... - Does this mean that I'm not happy anyomre? This is awful! - I'm so depressed. - BOOT! - Purrrrrrrrr *
ga950918 -- Super Pooky spies a party on the horizon! - BANZAI! SPLOOSH - Where are you going? To suck punch out of my bear.
ga950919 -- - -
ga950920 -- SQUEEZE - May I have a hug like that? -
ga950921 -- Sometimes, I think you love that teddy bear more than you love me. - He, hey, don't be so down on yourself. - As long as you can open that can opener, you have a special place in my heart. pat pat
ga950922 -- Z - Z - Z
ga950923 -- Pooky, you're my only fried. - You're the only one who understands me. - You're the only one I don't have to share food with.
ga950924 -- - CRACK-POP! - One, two, one, two, one, two... - - Remember, it's important to stretch and warm up... - Before engaging in any strenuous activity. - click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click
ga950924 -- click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click
ga950925 -- I'm ignoring Jon. - - You're not supposed to like it!
ga950926 -- You can tell a lot by observing people, Garfield. - Take Mrs. Feenie for example. - She seems stressed. He has a bat caught in her hairnet.
ga950927 -- EEEERRRRRGGHHHH - NNNNGGGGHHHHH - Hey! Pickles! Help yourself. I'm too tired to eat.
ga950928 -- There are a few things about you that could use improvement. - - When did Jon start talking to himself?
ga950929 -- Like my new suit, Garfield? Define "like". - I have a special date tonight. Define "special". - She loves how I dress. He's dating a clown!
ga950930 -- - - There's something wrong with the freezer. And we're out of ice.
ga951001 -- - Call the rescue squad! - Jon! It's Odie! - He's trapped up a tree! - He can't get down! - - Odie appears to be tied to that branch. Do you suppose the rescue squad could pick up a pizza on the way over?
ga951002 -- Oh boy, here it comes! - ** I love a parade! * - Look mommy, a marching band! I hate you.
ga951003 -- Garfield, when you and your stomach won't fit through the door, what should you do? - Make the doorway wider? - Lose weight! Remodeling would be easier.
ga951004 -- The weight is eight ounces. - - You have gained one pound. Life's not fair.
ga951005 -- Garfield, I'm back! - - And you're back on a diet. Rats.
ga951006 -- Garfield is going to lose some weight. Hey! - He's on a sure-fire diet. Yo. - The "too-fat-to-reach-food" diet. How about a hand here?
ga951007 -- GEEZ You're fat! - "Geez you're fat"?! Is that ALL you have to say?! No. - Your feet stink, too.
ga951008 -- Garfield! - Dinner! - - CRUCH - MUNCH MUNCH - snif - WAAHH!
ga951009 -- So, how goes the diet? - WOAH! - I guess THAT answers my question.
ga951010 -- Remember, Garfield, if you cheat on your diet... - You're only hurting yourself! - Ouch!
ga951011 -- Hold it right there! You KNOW what's going to happen... - You're going to step on. I'll tell you youre fat. Then you'll loose your temper and stomp me flat. - Well, shall we get started? Hop on, tubby.
ga951012 -- Garfield, I want to congratulate you on sticking to your diet. - - Mustard.
ga951013 -- This diet is driving me nuts! I've got to stop thinking about food! DING-DONG ** - Cookie Cookies Cookie - EEEYAAHHH!! EEK!
ga951014 -- Cat, let's make a deal... - From now on we'll be nice to each other, agreed? Agreed. - OK. Now...slowly put the bowling ball down. It's an uneasy truce.
ga951015 -- - SLURRP - AAAHHHHH - SLURRRRRRRRP AHHHHHH - SLURR GARFIELD!! - Do you realize what an annoying habit that is?! - Yes.
ga951016 -- I flirted with a pretty girl today, Garfield. - Our eyes met. She smiled sweetly. - Then her boyfriend made me eat my socks. You'll always have the moment.
ga951017 -- What happened to the leftover meatloaf? It's no longer with us. - Burp. - I stand corrected.
ga951018 -- BARK! BARK! Nice collar. - Do you really like it? - I mean... BARK! BARK! BARK!
ga951019 -- Hi, Jon. - What's with the feathers? - Leftovers.
ga951020 -- I'm on my way to a party! - - To put a stop to it, no doubt.
ga951021 -- I know what you need, Garfield. - You need to be reassured of my affection. - You need a pat on the head. I need to know if I'm in your will.
ga951022 -- The fence for two please. - Right this way, my dear. - What's going on here?! You promised me a show and a dinner! - Yes, I did. - Here's your show. tappity tappity tappity tappity - SPLUT! - And here's your dinner.
ga951023 -- Do you know what I saw in the living room last night? - A mouse! And do you know what that means?! - Somebody's not doing his job! Am I really needed in this conversation?
ga951024 -- YOU are a cat! - THAT is a mouse! - Pleased to meet you. SLAP!
ga951025 -- YANK! - GARFIELD! Hee hee hee. - So I suppose you're going to blame the cat.
ga951026 -- Nature compels me to chase that mouse. - - Taxi!
ga951027 -- - - This has gone too far!
ga951028 -- This mouse call drives 'em nuts. - - It sounds like swiss cheese aging.
ga951029 -- blah blah blah blah - We'll be right back after this message. - - ZOOOM!! - - SHOOOM! - And now back to our show.
ga951030 -- The moon is full, and an eerie creaking is heard as a coffin lid slowly opens...as.. - COUNT CAT once again stalks the night! - GARFIELD! BRING MY BATH TOWEL BACK!
ga951031 -- Count Cat steals through the inky night... - Searching for a fresh neck to bite... - Or maybe a nice tongue.
ga951101 -- Count Cannie! How good to see you again! - Come, we must dine together. - I'll split a neck with you.
ga951102 -- Count Cat's ghastly reign of terror continues! - -
ga951103 -- It's midnight. - Dark and stormy. - And I'll bet there's a full moon. Where do you keep the livestock?
ga951104 -- Do not resist me! - There's no such thing as a vampire cat! - It's just as well. Cakes don't have necks anyway.
ga951105 -- Hmmmm... - It's that time of night. - Time to sneak out to the fridge for a midnight snack. SNEAK SNEAK -  SNEAK SNEAK SNEAK - CLICK - - AAARRRRGGHHHH!!
ga951106 -- Hee hee hee - What are you plotting, Garfield? I'm not plotting anything. - I already did it.
ga951107 -- - Why don't you two cheer up? - Much better.
ga951108 -- "Look, Suzy, here comes Mister Mailman." - That reminds me, I have to check the traps. - " MISTEr MAILMAN IS OUR FRIEND, SAID SUZY!" - Keep reading.
ga951109 -- - I'm practicing looking innocent. - Garfield, would you happen to know who emptied the refrigerator? With a face like this?
ga951110 -- I remember the glory days of my youth. - Saturday nights cruising the main drag... - 'course I had to have the tractor back by ten. Sigh.
ga951111 -- I have a new, positive outlook on life! - - Which is no doubt doomed to failure.
ga951112 -- - - - - - - -
ga951113 -- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! clap clap clap clap BOO! - Hey! Why are you booing? I haven't even started yet! - I caught the matinee.
ga951114 -- Please, just for once, no booing tonight, okay? - Okay. - Thenk you. - HISS HISS HISS HISSSS HISS HISSS
ga951115 -- blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah - Hey, I'm trying to do a show here! Would you two mind paying attention?! Sure. Sorry. - BOO! BOO!
ga951116 -- Your act stinks! There's that heckler again. - Look, buddy, just once, can't you find something nice to say? - That's a really well-built fence!
ga951117 -- Thank you for your applause! - I SAID, THANK YOU FOR YOUR APPLAUSE! - clap clap Thank you! Thank you! Whoa! Too much! You're too kind, really! Thank you!
ga951118 -- There will now be a fifteen-minute intermission. For me to towel off. - And for you to reload.
ga951119 -- DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP -twist twist twiiiiist DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - Z DRIP DRIP DRIP - Z DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - Z
ga951120 -- Can life get any better than this? - - If so, keep it for yourself.
ga951121 -- - SIP - Whoa! Give ME some of that!
ga951122 -- I'm having an identity crisis. - Moo. - Just kidding! Are you sure? We're out of milk.
ga951123 -- Get the cat...blah, blah, blah. - Help, help...and so on. - I think the magic has gone out of our relationship.
ga951124 -- He look! A flea collar! Ha ha ha haaa!Hey, cat! We spit on your flea collar! Yeah! Ptooey! Ptooey! Ptooey! - We dance on your flea collar! Yee ha! Yeees, it's time to replace the ol' flea collar.
ga951125 -- It's a small world. - - Compared to Garfield. Shaddup.
ga951126 -- - YIPE! - - - SMACK - Big spiders require sunday editions. YAAHHH!
ga951127 -- Wow - Nature is a wondrous thing, isn't it, Garfield? Uh-huh. - WHACK!
ga951128 -- - - TWANG! SMACK!
ga951129 -- You'll be happy to knowI've decided to be kinder to my animal friends. - Really? Really. - Hey, fatty-fatty-fatso! Fat-fat-fat! Tubby, tubby tub-o-lard, fat fat, fat! He's gonna squash good.
ga951130 -- Who are you? I'm the ghost of the spider you squashed yesterday! - SMACK! -
ga951201 -- Today is phony smile day! - Hey, mister! - Isn't that a REAM smile? Cheater.
ga951202 -- The milk has gone bad. - "How do I know?" you ask? - The fact that it's sitting there without a glass is a clue.
ga951203 -- - - - - - CRASH! - Hee hee hee hee hee Dogs.
ga951204 -- Only an idiot would enjoy a monday. - - Thank your for the visual aid, Odie!
ga951205 -- Bees! - - The old "honey.in-the-shampoo" gag.
ga951206 -- Hmmm, the birds are gone. - Or they're getting sneakiner. - Clear to surface, cap'n.
ga951207 -- - - Christmas is coming!
ga951208 -- - - roll roll roll Toilet paper? Christmas list.
ga951209 -- * RINNNG! Z - It's officially the start of the Christmas season! - I just had my first sugarplum dream!
ga951210 -- - THUMP! - THUMP! THUMP! - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - SPLOT - GARFIELD!
ga951211 -- Jon, guess what I found! - It's a Christmas starter kit! - All you add is the tree.
ga951212 -- There are so many nice tree to choose from. - I can't decide which one I like... Neither can Odie. - He likes them all.
ga951213 -- One...two...three...PULL! - MAybe I should have pulled it through the door the other way. - Gee, you think so, Einstein?
ga951214 -- I don't know. The tree still doesn't look straight to me. - What do you think? - It all depends on how you look at it.
ga951215 -- * DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY, FA-LA-LAH-LAH-LAH, LA-LA-LA-LAAAAHHH... - ** FAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LA-LA-LA-LAAHH, FAH-FAH-FAH-LA-LA-LA-LA-FAH-LA-LA-LA-LAAAAHH!! - Once you start Fah-lah-lah-ing, it's hard to know when to stop.
ga951216 -- - - GARFIELD!!
ga951217 -- tap tap tap - - DONK - WHOA! YOING - - Well, don't just stand there...do something! - SEE...The Living Lawn Decoration Oooooo World's Only Human Ornament Ooooo What kind of statement are you trying to make, Mr. Arbuckle? That I hat emy cat!
ga951217 -- Well ho ho ho to you, too.
ga951218 -- - - No, I haven't bought your Christmas present yet. Not that I'm pressing.
ga951219 -- "Merry Christmas to you, son". - Most mothers just slip a few dollars into their children's Christmas cards. - Jon's mom slips in a baked ham.
ga951220 -- Baking is a Christmas tradition. - There are chistmas cookies, cakes, pies, fudge, candies... - What happened to you? I'm keeping a tradition alive.
ga951221 -- shake shake shake Hmmm - Hmmm shake shake shake - Hmmm
ga951222 -- ** - Thanks. Urf. Laugh if you want, but he bakes the best Christmas cookies in town. munch munch
ga951223 -- Hey, you! Only ONE candy cane! - Give me those back! Hey! Ow! Those are claws! - OW! OW! YAAAHH! GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM OFF ME! Your Picture With Santa.
ga951224 -- Okay, let's see... - "Landing Lights" are on... - Stockings are hung...milk and cookies are out...what have I forgotten? - Oh, yeah! SNAP! - -
ga951225 -- 364 days out of the year I can't pry the boys out of bed with a crowbar. - - Christmas morning, however...
ga951226 -- It's not fair. You wait and wait and wait for Christmas to come... - Then, suddenly, it's gone. - Sort of like a really good sneeze.
ga951227 -- Where's my spinning bow tie?! - My rubber chicken! Have you seen my rubber chicken and my air horn?! - New year's eve always seems to sneak up on him. Do we have a goat?
ga951228 -- - * FWEEEEEEP - Garfield! New year's eve isn't for three days yet! Practice makes perfect.
ga951229 -- Let's see, what should I wear to the new year's party...polka dots, plaid or stripes? - Hmmm...definitaly the polka dots. -
ga951230 -- It's almost new year, Garfield, and you know what THAT means... - We get to hang up a NEW calendar! - Not since the heady days of the sock drawer reorganization has this household witnessed such excitement.
ga951231 -- - You know, Garfield... - With a new year up to us, it's good to sit and reflect. - To talk of what was, and what can be. Just you and me, pal. - Do you hear what I'm saying? - Yeah, you're saying we didn't get invited to a new year's party!
ga960101 -- HAPPY NEW- - SPLUT! - Monday.
ga960102 -- This is a brand-new year, Garfield! A perfectly clean slate! - - GARFIELD! Smudge number one.
ga960103 -- - - YUK! Good one, Odie.
ga960104 -- Beware Of The Dog - Let's talk about moderation in all things... - YAAAAAHHH!
ga960105 -- I'm going to get that girl over there to notice me. - - Is she looking? For somethig to throw.
ga960106 -- I can't think of anything to do. - That's pretty ambitious, Jon. - I can't think of a reason to think of anything to do.
ga960107 -- Here it is! - The first snowflake of winter! - - - -
ga960108 -- knockitty knockitty tap tap - That's gotta be the cutest knock I've ever. tappy tappy knocky knocky tippy tippy tap -
ga960109 -- Nermal...long time no see. Yup. - Di you miss me? - Does a toe mitt a hangnail? I missed you too.
ga960110 -- Nermal! - Why, you look cuter than ever! Cootchie-cootchie-wootchie! Woobie-woobie-woobie! - What are you doing? I'm gonna need the bag.
ga960111 -- Staying cute like this is hard work, you know. DO tell. - Why, I eve nhave a personal cuteness trainer! - He makes me do fifty sets of "eyelash bats" every day. - The slave driver.
ga960112 -- Nermal, do you ever have a day when you just aren't cute? - Oh, sure, it happens to the best of us. What do you do? - I call in ugly.
ga960113 -- Yep, I've eaten a lot of birds in my time. Really? - Went to the nort pole once and ate a penguin. Wow! - Went back in time and ate a pterodactyl, too. Hey! Wait a minute!
ga960114 -- - - - - - - GO TO BED!
ga960115 -- It's a beautiful morning. - - Depends on where you're sitting.
ga960116 -- Garfield, I'm coming in now! Boy, am I in trouble. - You'd better not be in my chair! I'm scared. - I'm coming in now! Wake me after the beating.
ga960117 -- - Garfield, I think you're a bad influence on Odie. - Prove it. Meow.
ga960118 -- Just look at that beautiful day out there! - Okay. - Now what?
ga960119 -- A lack of communication...there's the problem, Garfield. - THUMP THUMP We must reach out to touch others. - We must speak freely to our fellow man... You just ran over a mime.
ga960120 -- BARK BARK SLUCK - I can only imagine how thirsty all that barking must make you. - WAAAH! SLUUUUUUCK
ga960121 -- - - - - - - Now you know what it feels like to be the last doughnut.
ga960122 -- When will I EVER learn not to climb trees? - When will I ever, EVER learn? - Not today, THAT'S for darn sure.
ga960123 -- I wonder why I do this...is it because I crave attention?... - Or is it just because I'm stupid? - Hey everybody? Look at the stupid cat! ...or both.
ga960124 -- Hey, cat! Mind if I take your picture? A reporter! - It'll make a great human interest story for my paper! Call it what it is, pal... "cheap sensationalism"! - FLASH!
ga960125 -- Stuck in a stupid tree. - It couldn't possibly get any worse. - Good grief!
ga960126 -- Uh-ho. It's getting dark. - FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! - You new in town?
ga960127 -- Hang on, Garfield! I'm coming! - Gee, this branch isn't very -
ga960128 -- sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - ? -
ga960129 -- Would you say you're a loyal pet, Garfield? Hold on. - Yes, we have plenty of food. - Yes, I am a loyal pet.
ga960130 -- I'm having a bad day. - - I hate you. When I have a bad day, everybody has a bad day.
ga960131 -- Sleep peacefully, ODie. - Don't even THINK about vampires... -
ga960201 -- Garfield, my fish is gone! - And there's a potato in the fishbowl! - You must think I'm stupid1 He's been feeding that potato for two weeks.
ga960202 -- Jenny, this is Jon. Wanna go gout tonight? - She put me on hold. - Denial is an ugly thing.
ga960203 -- It's not easy being hip, Garfield. - Clothes are expensive. - Hey, dork! Nice bow tie! And then there's the jealousy.
ga960204 -- SIGH... - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - And in the news today... - You need to lose some weight. - - - wiggle wiggle wiggle - SIGH
ga960205 -- Okay, Garfield, this going to be a no-holds-barred snowball fight. - There are no rules...agreed? - SPLUT! Agreed.
ga960206 -- pat pat pat - There! -
ga960207 -- Okay Garfield, I'm all set! Prepare to... - - No fair using a snow blower! I prefer to call it "superior firepower".
ga960208 -- - tap tap -
ga960209 -- zing! - HA! Missed. -
ga960210 -- Truce, Garfield! Let's call a truce! - You know what a truce is, don't you? - A truce is a mutual...
ga960211 -- - pat pat pat - - - - -
ga960212 -- You couldn't be lazier if you tried! - - You don't TRY to be lazy, Mr. Expert!
ga960213 -- Nice hat. - Hat? - You must be referring to my ham holder.
ga960214 -- GARFIELD! - Suppose someone else wanted some of that cake? - Duh! ...that's why I ate it so fast.
ga960215 -- Lassie, come home! - Make me. - The true story.
ga960216 -- It's friday night, Garfield. - This weekend I'm going to let it all hang out. - I'm going to play the accordion wit hmy feet! Let's talk quality of life here.
ga960217 -- I resolve to be more decisive! - - Have you decided what you wanted for dinner last night?
ga960218 -- - - - - -
ga960219 -- Only one cookie left. - Do you know wht that means? That I get to eat it? - That YOU ate all the others! Oh, well. That too.
ga960220 -- One last cookie. - One last rock-hard, bottom-of-the-pile, ten-week-old, stale, crusty cookie. - You're going to take it, aren't you? Indeedy-do.
ga960221 -- If you take that last cookie, I'll be very sad. - - pat pat there, there.
ga960222 -- The last cookie. - You know you could be a real great guy and let ME eat that. - Or, you could be a cat.
ga960223 -- Once, just ONCE I'd like to get the last cookie! - Why, thank you! - Sucker.
ga960224 -- One last cookie. - I swa it first. - You also saw it last.
ga960225 -- - - BONK! - - - - SPLAT!
ga960226 -- Want something from the store, Garfield? - A rubber mouse? A ball of yarn? - ...a satellite dish? A blue one!
ga960227 -- Uh-oh. I was touching my toes, and my back gave out. - Do something, Garfield! -
ga960228 -- Ow! I cut myself! - Ouch! I burned my finger! - I think I'll order a pizza. "Cooking for Klutzes".
ga960229 -- Garfield, may I have a word with you? - Can you explain this? This is a wild guess, but I'd say you're on the phone. - Have you been playing with the glue again? WHOA! You gotta show me how you do that!
ga960301 -- Garfield, meet Darla. Hi, I'm Darla. - Finally, my intellectual equal. - Hi, I'm Darla. Don't flatter yourself, Jon.
ga960302 -- People ask me why I play the accordion. - Know what I say? - Because I was born to boogie! He was abandoned as an infant and raised by nerds.
ga960303 -- - click - Jon! This is Harold, your rare and expensive talking parrot! - The cat is stalking me! - I'm making this tape to...NOOOOoooo! - AIEEEE! - GARFIELD! Burp!
ga960304 -- Garfield, I just saw a mouse! - It's in the kitchen! - It's pushing a tiny shopping cart! Is this going to involve getting up?
ga960305 -- - How come I just saw a mouse running across this table?! Normally you wouldn't. - But Fat Eddie's pretty slow.
ga960306 -- There are mice running all over this house, and there you lie! - ...and you call yourself a cat! - Moo.
ga960307 -- This mouse will die! - Which stands to reason. - I mean, he's not getting any younger.
ga960308 -- Hey, mouse. The mouse doesn't live here anymore. - Then who are you? I'm a saber-toothed screaming lemur. - Okay, good news-bad news time...
ga960309 -- Your owner doesn't seem to like us. - Well, he's got this thing about mice... - You mean the part where he stands on a chair and screams? That too.
ga960310 -- - - SMACK! - Garfield! - Give me that comic book! - - YAAAAHH!
ga960311 -- Here's my sixth-grade report card! - My parents were so proud. - "Jon hav not shoved any crayons up his nose this term".
ga960312 -- Garfield, my hairline is receding. - But it really isn't noticeable. - HEY FOREHEAD BOY! Just a lucky guess.
ga960313 -- The National Cat Channel presents... - Ed The Wonder Cat, in the action adventure... - "Hairballs From Outer Space!" Not every cat can wear tights.
ga960314 -- This book contains many great insights into life. - - And when you connect the dots, it forms a picture of a bunny!
ga960315 -- That was a terrible date. - We went to the circus. - A clown accuesd me of copying his suit. How low can a clown stoop?
ga960316 -- A letter from home! - Your family never foregets. - "Dear Ron..." Ouch.
ga960317 -- - Odie, can we talk? - You always have that one stupid smile on your face. - Give me something new. - Nope. - Nope. - Nope. - And, hope. - Who am I to mess with imperfection?
ga960318 -- "Sleek and streamlined..." - "The cat's lighning reflexes make him a formidable hunter". - It's the off-season, okay?
ga960319 -- It's cute the way a cat will playfully bat a ball of yarn around. - - BAM BAM BAM BAM Maybe "cute" isn't the right word.
ga960320 -- "When agitated, a cat will arch its back and hiss". - - Yeah, right. Iusually send a stern fax.
ga960321 -- - STROKE STROKE STROKE STROKE STROKE - PURRRRR How to start a cat.
ga960322 -- Here, Garfield, for you. - A catnip mouse! - Hold my calls.
ga960323 -- My! Aren't you a cute little kitty! Meow - Yes, you are! Meow. - Got his gum.
ga960324 -- - Ready. - CLICK whirrrrrRRR - WHIRRRRRRRR - CLICK! WHIRRRrrr - - Someday we'll get a real motorcycle.
ga960325 -- A cup of coffee... - A jelly doughnut... - And thou!
ga960326 -- - BEAN ME! WHAM! - Something tells me this isn't your first cup today.
ga960327 -- Another cup, please. Don't you think you've had enough? - - Not yet.
ga960328 -- Here, Garfield, try this coffee. It's espresso. Why the dinky cup? - SLURK! - Well, what do you think? I'll let you know as soon as my back teeth stop wiggling.
ga960329 -- The adventures of Ed the Wonder Cat! - Ed! Ed! I'm sinking in quicksand! Get help! - No, Ed! Don't go to sleep! My hero.
ga960330 --  - - Dogs.
ga960331 -- - - Hey! Put that down or I'll... - You'll what, buster?! One move, and the doughnut gets it! Qnd it you think  I'm kidding, try me! - I'm gonna back out slowly, now. And if you try to follow me, it's curtains for your friend here! - SLAM! -
ga960331 -- Toooooo much sugar. munch munch
ga960401 -- Excuse me, are you aware that this is "be kind to spiders week"? - Would you like a pamphlet? Thank you. - SMACK
ga960402 -- Don't be afraid! I'm not poisonous! - SWAT! - But you're still icky.
ga960403 -- Spider! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! - That'll teach him not to come around here! - Heeey, wait a second!
ga960404 -- Hey! - Are you the spider who squished my brother-in-law?! Yes. - Thanks.
ga960405 -- Dear Sir: On behalf of spider lovers everywhere, we wish to strongly protest your brutal treatment of our arachnid brothers and sisters. - Spiders are our friends. Spiders... - SMACK
ga960406 -- Uh-oh! Here comes that cat! I'd better play possum! - - FLUSH
ga960407 -- - trip THUD! - Nobody move! I lost a contact lens! - SMACK! - - - k-k-k-k
ga960408 -- Gaaaaaarrrfieeeld... - Gaaarrfieeeld... - Cliiiimb me. NO!
ga960409 -- Climb me. No way! - You know you want to. That's beside the point. - I've grown a new branch. Really?
ga960410 -- Climb me. You'll love it. No! - The view at the top is spectacular. Nope. No way. - Did I mention I've installed a cappucino machine? This tree is good.
ga960411 -- That's it! This is the last tree I'm ever going to climb! - Wait a minute... - That didn't come out right.
ga960412 -- Hee, hee, that kind of tickles. - flap flip flip flap flap flap flap flap flip flap flap flip flap flap flap flip flap flap flip flap flap - EEEERRRGGHH
ga960413 -- Hey, pal. Hello. - How long have you been hangig up here? Two hours. And you? - Three weeks.
ga960414 -- Ready, boys? - Time for the "Rite of the Daisy"! Spare me. - We dress as daisies to be one with them. Yeah, don't want to stampede them. - Ode to a daisy, by Jon Arbuckle. (ahem) "The noble daisy makes nary a sound. It doesn't fly, it's stuck
ga960414 -- in the ground... - But for such a thing that grows in the dirt...it sure don't make mine own eyes hurt" - Well, what do you?... - Oh, no! What did I do? Just promise me you won't write a poem about pets.
ga960415 -- Look, Garfield. There's Mrs. Jones. - Good morning, Mrs. Jones. tap tap - She hates to be disturbed. Especially when she's walking her brick.
ga960416 -- Spring is here, Garfield! - Bringing joy to the world! - Even you are smiling! I ate a robin.
ga960417 -- Odie and I are going to be more friendly. - - Not with each other, of course.
ga960418 -- Today I'll be preparing my special "soup surprise". - People ask, "what's so surprising about soup"? - You see, there's a little man inside the pot... Guess who's been hitting the vanilla extract`
ga960419 -- Sorry, I don't take bribes. - - Now THREATS, I take. Hop on, skinny.
ga960420 -- The sun has failed to rise! The earth is plunged into darkness! - The temperature will drop! PLants will wither! We shall surely starve! - YAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! Some days I'm soooo happy he can't talk.
ga960421 -- - - - - - munch munch munch -
ga960422 -- Jon, meet Clive, my invisible friend. - - Clive thinks you're boring.
ga960423 -- Invisible friends like Clive are great. - They're always there when you need them. - Uh...I think.
ga960424 -- So. Clive, where were you born? - Invisible county hospital? Never heard of it. - Yeah, right. Never seen it either.
ga960425 -- Odie, this is Clive, my invisible friend. - SLURRRP! - Here Clive. Have an invisible towel.
ga960426 -- My invisible friend Clive and I are going to play catch. - KONK - Bad hands, Clive!
ga960427 -- Invisible friends can come in handy. - - GARFIELD! CLIVE!
ga960428 -- - One last bite of milk shake. - GLUG - SQUIRRRT - SPLORT - PSSSSHHH - Poor little guy. Here, have my ice cream cone. - PLOOT
ga960429 -- crunch crunch crunch crunch - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - You stomped on my "Crispy Crunchies". Jon, I am not a morning person.
ga960430 -- - Is that book doing you any good,Odie? - ARF! I thought so.
ga960501 -- You dropped something, Garfield. - Oh, you mean the secret plans for world domination by cats? - Uh...I mean. Meow.
ga960502 -- My credit cards are missing. - Garfield, have you seen my credit cards? No. - And, nice suit. It's Italian.
ga960503 -- Nancy, I'm having a party... - Of course, I'll be there. - CLICK Hello?
ga960504 -- I had a pet named Henry back on the farm. - Then one evening, there was Henry on the dinner table. - I loved that snake. Times were tough.
ga960505 -- - ? - - - -
ga960506 -- MOUSE! - - CHAIR!
ga960507 -- Garfield, can I talk to you about the mice? - Mice? - Ohhhhh...THOSE mice?
ga960508 -- Get the mouse! - How's your schedule for the 25th? Say, late morning? I'm out of town. How about the 27th, around 2ish? - Works for me. I'll have my people confirm with yours. Sigh
ga960509 -- - -
ga960510 -- - Atta-boy, Garfield! Way to go! - Same time next week? Sure, but do something about that breath, will ya?
ga960511 -- GARFIELD! - You're a cat...why don't you chase mice?! It's too noisy. - All that creaking, and gasping, and wheezing, and painting, and...
ga960512 -- - - URK! - COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK - HAAACK - All right! A Coupon! - Well excuse me for being thrifty!
ga960513 -- Here comes Jon. - Watch me pretend to be interested in what what he says. - You're pretending to be interested in what I'm saying, aren't you? Fine, thanks! And you?
ga960514 -- THUD! - - "Bouncy" would not be a good nickname for Odie.
ga960515 -- And now to discuss man-eating plants, our gardening expert, Steve! - HELP! It's got me! rustle rustle rustle - burp That should help the ratings.
ga960516 -- Everyone should have a cat like you, Garfield. CHOMP SNARF - GOOBLE GULP CHOMP SNARF SNARF - Why should I be the only one to suffer? Hey!
ga960517 -- I have a blind date tonight, Garfield. - Know what that means? - HUMAN COMPANIONSHIP! You haven't seen your date yet.
ga960518 -- One last cookie... - We've been friends a long time now, right? Wait! Before you try to lay heavy guilt on me. - Okay, go ahead.
ga960519 -- - Jon's building a ship model. I shall narrate. - BLOOP First, he spills the glue. - Then, he makes a hopeless mess. - YAAAAAAH! Then he freaks out. - CRASH! -
ga960520 -- You are fat... - And ol. - And touchy.
ga960521 -- *beep* One...two...three... - What is this? Special feature. - The automatic chin counter.
ga960522 -- You have lost five pounds. - Hey! - Pay up, pal!
ga960523 -- One last chance, scale. - I'm going to weigh myself, and I want to be accorded some respect, okay? Sure, hop on. - You are fat, siiiirrrr.
ga960524 -- Tell me I'm not fat! - O.K., you're not fat. - Thank you. Sigh...I'm a disgrace to household appliances everywhere.
ga960525 -- The pizza was delivered by a woman. - A pizza woman? - MARRY HER!
ga960526 -- munch munch - - - - Pretty lame attempt, Garfield. - If you want to put one over Ol' Jon, you'll have to do better than. - ZIP
ga960527 -- There goes old man Higgins - They say he's the meanest man on the block. - I think he's misunderstood. The man has a clown strapped to the hood of his car.
ga960528 -- We're going to change the way we do things around here! - Whoa... - We do things around here?
ga960529 -- BURP! - Garfield, yould you mind eating a little more delicately? burp burp burp burp burp burp burp
ga960530 -- A letter from dad! Whoopee-do. - The crops are fine. The cows are fine. Yeah, yeah. - Mom got a nose ring, and plays drums for a band called "Electric Dentures". Same old, same old.
ga960531 -- Jon, I ate too much. - I need something to settle my stomach. - How about some dessert, Garfield? The man's a miracle worker!
ga960601 -- Garfield's tongue is burned. - How did that happen? - He was licking a waffle iron. I saw crumbs.
ga960602 -- - * BOOP Hey! - * BOOP BEEP BOOP This sthing plays little notes! - **BOOP BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BEEP BOOP BOOP * I can play a song! - Garfield, what are you doing? - - *****
ga960603 -- Are you packed for the fishing trip, Garfield? Yup. - Got everything. - Cornmeal, butter, eggs, tartar sauce, buns, deep fryer and 200 miles of extension cord!
ga960604 -- Okay, Garfield, we're going to back the boat into the water. - W'wan back. Let me know when to stop. - That's good.
ga960605 -- Let's see...which lure should I...ah...AH... - CHOO - YAAHH! How about the one in your left nostril?
ga960606 -- Watch the distance on this cast, Garfield! It's gonna be a new world's record! - FLING - Hark, did I hear a trout chuckle?
ga960607 -- nnngggghhhhhhhh...aaeeeeerrrrrrrggghhh... - YAHOO! COME TO PAPA! - GET THE NET, GARFIELD! GEt THE NET! For the fish, or for you?
ga960608 -- THAT is an ugly lure! - GOT ONE! - THAT is an ugly fish! Ugly in, ugly out.
ga960609 -- Sigh Sigh - Y'know? Fishing's great, Garfield...the fresh air... I smell bait. - The wildlife... Mosquitoes the size of canned hams. zzzzzzzz - The solitude, the companionship. Stranded in a dhingy with Tweedledee and Tweedledum. - Kinda
ga960609 -- makes a guy just wanna sing! - * Fishing is my life...fishing is my life... **
ga960610 -- CLONK! - I'm attracting a more sophisticated audience. - That was an Italian shoe.
ga960611 -- - - GARFIELD!
ga960612 -- See that woman over there, Garfield? - She's flirting with me. - I know that look. She's choking on a bagel.
ga960613 -- Here, spend some time with this rock. - Maybe some of its charm and warmth will rub off on you. - Heh heh.
ga960614 -- Hell, Nancy, wanna go out tonight? - Well, does your mother have plans? - Uh-huh...so tell me about your grandmother, is she...hello? Shot down by three generations.
ga960615 -- What's the matter, Garfield? - Hey! Your birthday is next week! - And that's a, uh, bad thing, right?
ga960616 -- So you're going to be eighteen soon, huh Garfield? Thanks for the reminder. - I remember back on the farm, when I turned eighteen I really cut loose. Uh-huh. - My buddies and I went out cow tipping. - pant pant pant pant - tip - - pant pant
ga960616 -- pant Huh? Huh? Was that fun or what? Whatever milks your guernsey.
ga960617 -- You can stop now. - - I told him to take it easy 18 years ago.
ga960618 -- Have you decided what you want for your birthday, Garfield? - Try again, pal. - What's wrong with wanting my own can opener?
ga960619 -- - Come ON, Garfield... - Make a wish! I'm thinking! I'm thinking!
ga960620 -- Now THAT'S a big tree. - -
ga960621 -- - -
ga960622 -- Z - Z - Z
ga960623 -- - - - - - Whoo! - Humid today. Tell me about it.
ga960624 -- Please don't swat me! - Okay, promise. - STOMP!
ga960625 -- I bring you a message from the other spiders. - phhhhht! -
ga960626 -- - Wait!! What? - I've already seen that section.
ga960627 -- That's odd. - A brown ring... -
ga960628 -- Swat me! Swat me flat! - I don't take orders from you! - I guess I showed him who's boss araound...hey! Hee hee hee
ga960629 -- - - Cartwheels.
ga960630 -- - - Yikes! - ZING! SMACK! - Whew! - That was close. SPLAT
ga960701 -- BRRIINNG! - OK, I give up...you win. - It's monday. Fine! Shoot your prisoner!
ga960702 --  - GRAB! -
ga960703 -- Where have you been all my life? - I don't know, but I wish I were still there. - Take me with you!
ga960704 -- This house is my castle, Garfield. - My domain. - Here, I am king. Excuse me, sire, whilst your local wretch ralphs on the royal rug.
ga960705 -- Hey there, bullet! - Whooosh! There he goes! - Slow down, lightning! The cat is not amused.
ga960706 -- I'm too tired to go on. - Of course, I have no place to go anyway. - That worked out pretty well.
ga960707 -- Man, I haven't had lasagna in, like, forever. RRRrrrrr - What would you like for dinner? LASAGNA! - Some steamed rice? NO! LASAGNA! - Maybe peas and carrots? l-a-s-a-g-n-a...lasagna! - Or, I could whip up a nice... - Here! Noodles! Onions!
ga960707 -- Ricotta! Mozzarella! Tomatoes! Sausage! - Or pupapth wathanya. Now you're talking.
ga960708 -- Cats are very possessive. - We always mark our own territory. - MINE
ga960709 -- Cats are fascinated by bits of string. - And, I don't know why. - If this string were a little longer, I could tie Jon up, and clean out the refrigerator.
ga960710 -- You're shedding. - And you're watching me shed. - Who has the problem here?
ga960711 -- - Nice kitty, blah, blah, blah. Purr. Whatever. - We're bonding.
ga960712 -- - - You are shedding a lot. Am not.
ga960713 -- - PLOOP! - As you can see, dogs aren't the only ones who can fetch slippers. I hate you.
ga960714 -- - - - - - ALL YOUR MOTHERS WEAR FLEA COLLARS! - I needed that.
ga960715 -- Garfield, I can't find my bag of... - ZING ZONG ZANG - Chocolate-covered coffee beans.
ga960716 -- Everybody's against me! - SMACK SPLOT - And I don't know why!
ga960717 -- Here comes the tickle bug! - Tickle, tickle, tickle! - Now, here comes the hug bunny! Pet abuse is an ugly thing.
ga960718 -- What is it, Odie? What are you trying to tell me? YIP! YIP! YIP! - Uh-huh?...Yes?...Yes?...I see... YIP! YIP! YIP! - Odie says he's a slobbering idiot who jumps around going "Yip! Yip! Yip!"
ga960719 -- I wonder if Jon knows he has something stuck between his teeth. - YAAAHH! - Maybe so...
ga960720 -- I'm going out to enjoy nature! - - Got attacked by bees and bitten by a badger. Personally, I would not have enjoyed that.
ga960721 -- Hmm... - No...no, that's not the spot. - No, not there either... - No...nope... - Nope...nooooooo...n- - There it is! - Z
ga960722 -- Mice are disgusting. - Hello, you big, fat, ugly slob. - See?!
ga960723 -- - FLING! -
ga960724 -- - My good sheet! - No more toga parties.
ga960725 -- click click click click click - Hey! click click click click - He gets more channels than we do! click click click
ga960726 -- I caught a mouse! - Let me guess... - He wasn't paying attention and wandered into your hand. Soooo?!
ga960727 -- Mouse hole. - Rat hole. Manhole.
ga960728 -- - Hey there. Buzz off! - Oh, my! What a pretty bird! - I like a man who loves birds. - What are you and your bird doing tonight? - - Wanna pet my parrot? Does it talk? The stories I could tell, lady.
ga960729 -- You ate my food, you ate Odie's food. You ate your food. - What do you have to say for yourself? - What's for the dessert, dessert, dessert?
ga960730 -- Beware Of The Dog BARK! BARK! BARK! - Beware Of The Even Bigger Dog - Not my day.
ga960731 -- * RING RING - Hello. May I speak with the head of the household? No. - Cat's can't talk. Hello? Hello?
ga960801 -- I couldn't decide which one of these ties to wear. - So I'm wearing all of them! - Hey, hula hands! Put on some pants!
ga960802 -- This is boring. - I know! - This is boring with hats. A rare moment of lucidity.
ga960803 -- Anything worth having is worth working for! - SMACK! - So THAT'S why I don't have anything!
ga960804 -- - rrrrrrrr - Okay, boy, there's only one way to settle this... - We take 10 paces, turn, and face for the food. - Aand...one...two...three...four...five...six...seven... - BLAT Eight...nine...
ga960805 -- I'm taking a dating quiz, Garfield. - "What do you look for in a date?" - Must be same species. Except on new year's.
ga960806 -- I could get a date if I wanted. On this planet? - I've had lots of dates! Mr. Arbuckle, time for your mediaction. - Yep, I've broken a few hearts. That's because he showed up.
ga960807 -- Marissa! Jon here! How about going out with the King of Keen tonight? - Jon, Jon Arbuckle. - Yes, the dork you met in the park. King of Keen, Meet the Queen of Mean.
ga960808 -- These cellular phones are great, Garfield! - Elle, guess where I am?... - Uh...how far is far enough? Now he can be rejected from anywhere.
ga960809 -- I'm immature?!! - WELL EXCUSE ME, MISS POOPIE HEAD! - Your honor, the defense requests a recess.
ga960810 -- Another saturday night with no dat. - Maybe I'll watch television. - For about a year! He's working off a backlog of rejections.
ga960811 -- - bark bark bark - BARK BARK BARK - * - ooooooo - oooooo - b-bl b-bl b-bl b-bl
ga960812 -- - - That's the last time I hand out programs.
ga960813 -- I'll now take requests from the audience. - Any requests? - ...any audience?
ga960814 -- SPLAT! - MAKEUP! - DOOF
ga960815 -- - You're out of fruit! what are you going to do?! - GONK!
ga960816 -- HISS HISS HISS HISS - Did you forget how to clap?! - With what?!
ga960817 -- ...so the chicken says, "that was no herring, that was my trout!" - - What are you dialing? My agent's beeper.
ga960818 -- - - Don't eat that poor, defenseless doughnut! - Don't listen to him! Chow down, pal! - Do what is right! Do what's in your heart! - -
ga960819 -- Z - You can't sleep your life away! z - Not if you keep waking me up!
ga960820 -- Odie! Someone has eaten your... - Ooops. Hang on! - Odie! Someone has eaten your food!
ga960821 -- Oh, joy. I get to spend another day with you. I'll try to control my excitement. - - So far, so good.
ga960822 -- That's it, Garfield. - You've had enough. - Just one more cup? No more coffee.
ga960823 -- That's three cookies for you. - And a third of a cookie for me. - Looks more like half a cookie to me.
ga960824 -- There's a cat in the neighborhood! - Quick! Hide behind these two slices of bread! - I gotta find a new line, or dumber birds.
ga960825 -- - Odie! Little Timmy fell down the old well! - Save him! - SHOOM! - The Old Well - - Odie! Now he's climbing up the water tower!
ga960826 -- Garfield, I was just outside! - An insect flew up my nose! - I'll be going insane any second now! How will you be able to tell?
ga960827 -- Okay, in this scene you play the part of a pitiful goofball! - Action! - My finger's stuck up my nose. Cut! Print! That's a wrap! You're beautiful!
ga960828 -- Garfield, some guy threw a rock through my window. - There's a note attached! - "You seem boring". We must remember to send him a thank-you rock.
ga960829 -- The fun never stops when I'm around! - - You cn't stop what doesn't start.
ga960830 -- Ellen won't go out with me. - Says she has no feelings toward me... - How about pity? I thought hitting bottom would make a louder noise.
ga960831 -- A good hat should make a statement, Garfield. - A good hat should say... - "Hello, I am cool". Or "pity me".
ga960901 -- Z - Z - RIIIINNG! - Z - RIIIIINNG!! - All right! All right! You win! - Z
ga960902 -- I hate it when you smile. - Whenever you smile something bad happens. - But, maybe I'm just paranoid. Release the anvil
ga960903 -- Odie suspects nothing. - BOOT - He still suspects nothing.
ga960904 -- Garfield! - Did you shred the drapes into little bitty pieces?! - Define "little bitty".
ga960905 -- I wonder what Jon is doing. - RUNAWAY ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH! - Same old, same old.
ga960906 -- You are the second most pitiful excuse for a man I have ever met! - The second most pitiful? - Yeeesss! I gotta meet this other guy!
ga960907 -- Cats are smarter than dogs! - And nicer, too! - So don't hurt me! We know here he lives.
ga960908 -- - Sigh... - - Pretty dull, huh? Yeah. - I'm gonna try another one. - Any better? Not really.
ga960909 -- I am a poisonous spider. You are not. - Am too. Are not. - Here, drink this. Hmmm.
ga960910 -- - - Wipe your feet!
ga960911 -- - SWAT! -
ga960912 -- Hey, cat! I'm talking to you! - Not so high and mighty without your newspaper, are you?! - Would you like the rest of this sandwich?
ga960913 -- I represent the other spiders in the house. - I've been sent to present you with an offering of peace and brotherhood. - If you think a half-eaten fly will buy a cease-fire, think again!
ga960914 -- - - Help! You are pathetic.
ga960915 -- - - - Don't move! We've got you surrounded! - Oh, yeah? - Yeaaaaah - SMACK CLAP SMACK
ga960916 -- The Caped Avanger! Faster than a speeding delivery truck Tougher than Taffy! - Able to eat a large pepperoni pizza in a single bite! - ...with anchovies!
ga960917 -- Aha! It's my archenemy, the infamous Doctor Dweeb! - Unhand that cheeseburger or receive a severe thashing! - I hate it whe he does that.
ga960918 -- Life is a struggle between good and evil. - Should I kick Odie off the table?... - Or sorta accidentally bump him off the table?
ga960919 -- Hey! I can see the curvature of the earth! - Hold it! That's my stomach. - You're fat. Only one man's opinion.
ga960920 -- Well, Garfield, it's friday night and surf's up! Oh, no. - You know what that means... Yes, I do. - Beach party! He's filled the living room with sand again.
ga960921 -- How was your date, Jon? - I forgot where we were supposed to meet. - So, she had a relatively good time then?
ga960922 -- Boys, can we talk? Uh-oh. - You've both gotten a little pudgy lately. - So I'm both putting you on a fruit diet. Have fun. "Have fun", he says. - The juggling Garbanzo Brothers reunite! - * There's no business like show business ** KICK! -
ga960922 -- FOOD FIGHT! - Let me rephrase that...Yes, earth man?
ga960923 -- Here we are... - "Cat: see lazy". - Oh look. Here's your picture. I smell libel.
ga960924 -- Garfield, sometimes I have to ask the big questions. When's lunch? - Like, what is my purpose? To buy doughnuts. - Why am I here? To feed the cat.
ga960925 -- A cat's keen sense of hearing ca help him identify his prey. - CRUNCH! munch munch munch munch - Toast.
ga960926 -- "Pet intelligence..." - "Cats do not score well on intelligence tests." - I'm surprised. We refuse to read the directions.
ga960927 -- Once, cats were fearless hunters... - Independent, strong and proud. - But, today... Could you get the plastic off this slice of cheese?
ga960928 -- Today they all stared into space for a while... - Then they licked themselves and took naps. - Cat news.
ga960929 -- - - - - GULP I saw that! Get up here! - What have you got to say for yourself?! - BURRRRRP
ga960930 -- I've been busy all day. Me too. - - Wait. Did you say "busy", or, "sitting around doing nothing"?
ga961001 -- - Get out of my way! -
ga961002 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! Would you please be quiet? BARK! BARK! - Whoa! It never occured to me asking politely.
ga961003 -- There's a cat in the neighborhood! - Quick! Hide in my mouth! - Where is the trust? Where IS the trust?!
ga961004 -- - I CAN GET A DATE ANYTIME I WANT! - Those darn tour buses.
ga961005 -- * RIIING Garfield, my hands are wet! Answer that! - Hello? - Hello? Hello? GOTCHA! I hate him.
ga961006 -- gniiiiiffffff - I love this time of the year. - The colors... - The crisp morning air... - And the leaves... - I love the sound they make as you walk through them. crunch crunch crunch crunch - I love anything that reminds me of potato chips.
ga961007 -- Mr. Arbuckle, this is the "Happy Day" dating service. - Well, we finally found you a date. - Subject, of course, to her parole hearing. A career woman.
ga961008 -- Ruby, the dating service gave me your number. - So, do you have a nickname? - "Widow maker", huh? I'll be under the couch.
ga961009 -- Ruby, the dating service said we should get to know each other. - So, exactly why were you in prison? - Hide the potato peeler. Ouch.
ga961010 -- OK, Ruby, I'll meet you at seven. - But how will I know you? - I see, the tatoo on your forehead reads "ybuR". But, are there any distinguishing characteristics?
ga961011 -- Well, I had a pretty good time with Ruby tonight. - She only had to be sedated twice. - But it was hard to slow dance with that dart in her neck. That's just a little more than I wanted to know.
ga961012 -- Time to check the old mailbag, Garfield. - *BEEP* ...you have no mail. - *BEEP* You have also no life. Et tu, cyberspace?
ga961013 -- * - Butter, Garfield? Yes. - Horseradish? PLease. Mustard? Thank you. - Anchovy paster? Just a smidge. Lard? Sure! - Toaster crumbs? Why not? - Garfiedl? Yes? - YOU'RE DISGUSTING! Any sauerkraut?
ga961014 -- Catch a mouse. You didn't use the magic words. - Catch a mouse, or you don't get dinner. - Presto!
ga961015 -- Garfield, it's time you REALLY got tough with those mice! Right! - BAM BAM BAM - No video games for a week!
ga961016 -- What's the matter? My wife kicked me out of the hole. - Why? Well, I ate this garlic bulb, and... -
ga961017 -- There is a MOUSE asleep on my bed! - You know what to do! z - z Z
ga961018 -- Did you catch the mouse? You bet. - What did you do with hi- - Tagged him. And released him back into the wild.
ga961019 -- ? - "Room for Rent?" WHAT room?! - You're standing in it.
ga961020 -- tap tap tap - Here's your coffee. - By the way, we're out of cream. - I'll get the sugar though. - - WAAAAHHH! -
ga961021 -- - zwip zwip zwip zwip zwip zwip zwip - I hate mondays.
ga961022 -- Hey, Odie. Put on thos "Dogs are Stupid" pin, pal. - Eeee! Eeee! Eeee! You gotta love 'im.
ga961023 -- Yessirthere's nothinglike agoodpot ofcoffee firstthing inthemoring - Anicehotcup ofcoffeeyessir andmaybea doughnuttooa nicedoughnut todunkand munch - Asecondandthird cupisnicetoo, alongwithmore doughnutsand moreandmore coffee. I'm cutting you
ga961023 -- off.
ga961024 -- Have a nice walk? Yup. - - Canary shortage hits city! GARFIELD!
ga961025 -- Oh, okay, Janice. I understand. - She had a good reason for not going out with me. - She's allergic to geeks! Achoo!
ga961026 -- I can run a little farther every day! - - But he still keeps coming back.
ga961027 -- - Hey, Garfioeld, check out my ghost costume. - Very nice. - Uh-huh... - How cute - -
ga961028 -- I'm going to scare Jon... - Morning, Garfield. - He always looks like that before his coffe. I heard that!
ga961029 -- I'm going to have some fun with this Odie mask. - Now where could Odie be? - KICK!
ga961030 -- - tap tap - EEEK!
ga961031 -- Hey, Garfield, I got you an outfit for the costume party. - What do you think? I don't know, Jon. - I have this uneasy feeling.
ga961101 -- - Oh, c'mon,,, that's not scary. - Now, THAT'S scary.
ga961102 -- YAAAAHH! - Boy, that's the scariest mask yet! - An empty supper dish.
ga961103 -- - You're lazy, Garfield. - You're as limp as a rag! - FLOP - - FLOP - Although, not without entertainment value. Oh sure, humiliate the cat.
ga961104 -- Ah, monday...where is my sting?! - WHAM - Ah...THERE it is...
ga961105 -- I find your presence unpleasant. - You possess many shortcomings also. - No one is perfect. Let's go back to bark and hiss.
ga961106 -- - You're a lazy pig! - How did he know it was me?
ga961107 -- - - I hate it when he acts goofy. That was ferocious!
ga961108 -- Ann won't go out with me. - But there areplenty of fish in the sea, Garfield. How do I say this, Jon... - I'll just cast out another line. There's a hole in the boat, and the bait's dead.
ga961109 -- What did I tell you the last time you threw a rock in the house?! - Lessee...don't help me...I can get this... - Oh, yeah! It was "YEEEEOW! Boy that hurts!"
ga961110 -- - Would you like to hear about my day, Garfield? Rub my tummy and I'll listen to anything. - Well, first, I went for a walk in the park, I fed the pigeons and smelled the flowers... - Then on the way home I was nearly run over by a cab. - I
ga961110 -- yelled at the driver, "Hey, you! Watch where you're going!" - Then he jumped out of the cab and grabbed me by the neck and started... - Let's go back to the park part.
ga961111 -- I'm not going to climb you, tree. - I don't care what you do. - Now THAT'S unfair.
ga961112 -- - Hey, you! Scram! - This is MY tree.
ga961113 -- Being stuck in a tree isn't so bad. - I'll just sit here and enjoy the view. - ...for the rest of my life.
ga961114 -- I've been up here a long time. I wonder if I'm setting any records? Hey Ethel! Looky up there! - That's gotta be THE stupidest cat in the whole world! - A record!
ga961115 -- I'm drawing a crowd. - Those people down there look like ants. - Garfield, what are you doing? I guess they are.
ga961116 -- Stupid tree...may all your stupid branches fall off! - CRACK - Nice curse, Garfield.
ga961117 -- - This meeting of the Brotherhood of Household Pests will now come to order. - Now, this week's assignments: Jreome, you'll pester the big, dumb human... No proooblem. - And Charlie, being a flea, you naturally get the dog. Can do, boss. -
ga961117 -- I'll take the cat...he hates me anyway. Any questions? - Good! Meeting adjourned! - WHACK!
ga961118 -- Monday, I'm not afraid of you! - In fact, I laugh into your face! - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! zzzzzzz
ga961119 -- Does that look crooked, Garfield? No. - Now it does. - Thanks for your help! I do what I can.
ga961120 -- Oops. - ssssssss - Bottom of the pot again!
ga961121 -- So, Ellen, I hear you have a party. - Gee, my invitation must have been lost in the mail. - She said no. And to make sure, she shot the mailman. I'll ge the checkers.
ga961122 -- Garfield, this must be an invitation to Ellen's party! - Oh, yes, it's PARTY TIME ** ** ...it's PARTY TIME... - It's a restraining order. Aw...and you just bought a new whoopee cushion.
ga961123 -- Sigh . - I'm not actually bored. - I'm just practicing.
ga961124 -- Jon's hamburger! - I'll just eat Jon's pickle. - ...and maybe the lettuce and the tomato, too. - ...and the onion, and - Oh, what the heck! - Uh, there seems to be something missing. You're right! - gluck gluck gluck gluck gluck
ga961125 -- Greetings, Ladies and... - CRASH! - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP Give 'em what they want, I say.
ga961126 -- He's not the world's greatest opening act... - But he's the best I could get on short notice. ...but I gotta tell ya'... - This lady was SOOOOO fat...
ga961127 -- TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - DONK - I'll be glad when tomatoes are back in season.
ga961128 -- I'd like to ask for a volunteer from the audience! - - I'd like to ask for an audience.
ga961129 -- tappity tappity tappity BOO! BOOO! BOO! BOOO! - Come on, you ingrates! Do your worst! BOOOO! BOOO! BOO! BOO! - Uh... There was a cotton candy vendor at the show tonight.
ga961130 -- tappity tappity tappity - - Rehearsal.
ga961201 -- - - - - - -
ga961202 -- YAWN - Two...three.. - YAWN The Garfield workout.
ga961203 -- Remember the good old days when we used to do this, Odie? BOOT! - CRASH! - What have you been up to? Reminiscing.
ga961204 -- That smile isn't fooling anyone. - - That one either. Rats.
ga961205 -- Garfield, you ate the whole box of doughnuts. - Yet you seem depressed. - Could it be guilt?! They were my friends.
ga961206 -- Coffee, Garfield? - - It's a little string. It's winking at me.
ga961207 -- What are you so happy about? - - I was being sarcastic. This IS happy.
ga961208 -- - Let's see now...the perfect spot... - Hmm - - - - AH-HA! - - This could take a while.
ga961209 -- It's the holiday season! - I just love this time of year. - It makes me feel greedy all over!
ga961210 -- Hmm... - I wonder who first came up with the idea for candy canes? - Probably a gimpy old elf.
ga961211 -- Merry Christmas Love, Jon, Odie, and Garfield. - a-HEM - Merry Christmas Love, Jon, Garfield and Odie.
ga961212 -- - BAM BAM BAM - SMOOOOOOCH
ga961213 -- Odie - Odie - Odie
ga961214 -- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... - Six! Yes!! Six!! Got anothe rone! - Daily present count.
ga961215 -- * - * ** ** ** ** I love Christmas carolers. - ** * ** ** * The beautiful songs...the lovely harmonies... - Hey, Frank, you're flat! - Me?! I'm not flat, YOU are! Oh, yeah?! Shut up, you two... - I'll settle this...you're BOTH flat! ! ! -
ga961215 -- 'tis the season. PUNCH POKE BOOF SLAP! SOCK SLAP! OUCH! SLAP! SWAT SOCK
ga961216 -- Looks like it's gonna be a good crop this year! - Can't wait for the harvest. - Yes, they're almost ripe.
ga961217 -- This one works...this one works...this one works... - ZZZT! - I found the short in the tree lights! Do tell.
ga961218 -- I'm leaving your present under the tree. - I'm trusting you not to peek. You have my word of honor. - Uncross your toes. You little finks.
ga961219 -- Garfield, are you peeking at your present? No, I'm not peeeking... - I'm taking a big fat look! Try and stop me! - Hey! There's nothing in here! I put out a decoy.
ga961220 -- You tricked me! there's nothing in this present! You promised me you wouldn't peek. - That's what you get for peeking. - Well, thanks for nothing!
ga961221 -- Garfield - Odie - Present envy.
ga961222 -- - - - - - BLINK - So much for th "X-Ray Vision" theory.
ga961223 -- - Candy canes always taste best right around Christmas. - So eat 'em quick, while they're in season!
ga961224 -- - tap tap tap - Christmas eve.
ga961225 -- Garfield - Garfield - Merry Christmas.
ga961226 -- Garfield, have you tried on the stocking cap mom made for you? Yes. - What do you think? - I think too many balls of yarn gave their lives for this thing.
ga961227 -- I'm wrting a thank-you card to mom and dad. Want to add anything? - BURPPP - Garfield says thank you for the Christmas Cookies.
ga961228 -- Jo-ann, it's Jon Arbuckle. I was wondering if you were doing anything on new years e- CLICK - I don't believe it... - Her ANSWERING MACHINE hung up on me! A bad day in Dateville.
ga961229 -- - You were a vision to behold this year, tree. - Each ornament hung with tender loving care. - - - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - Oh, the indignity of it all!
ga961230 -- I've called every girl I know, Garfield. - None of them will go out with me on new year's eve. - I'm getting desperate. I figured that when you dialed the time and temperature lady.
ga961231 -- Garfield, it's almost midnight... - He's a real party animal. Z
ga970101 -- - YOING oing oing oing oing - Whoo! What a night! Happy new year.
ga970102 -- - STOMP -
ga970103 -- - -
ga970104 -- pat pat pat - -
ga970105 -- Gaaaar-field... - Garfield, go out and ge tthe paper. Yeah, yeah. - RUMBLE RUMBLE WOOF! WOOF! Back! Bak! You mutts! - BOOOM! CRACK zzzt! - HONK! HONK! SCREEEEEEEE THONK - It's not here yet! - KONK! SPLAT
ga970106 -- There's cat hair on the floor. - And you know what that means, don't you? - Whoa! You don't suppose there's a cat in the vicinity?!
ga970107 -- BONK! - That's the eighth time you've hit me with that ball today! - Don't you have anything to say for yourself? What's the record?
ga970108 -- Yes, Mrs. Brown? - Garfield's clawing at your door? - Turn off the can opener, Mrs. Brown.
ga970109 -- Coming up on your right, ladies and gentlemen, the amazing "Stairway of Banana Peels"! - BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK - And now if you will pick up your teeth, we can move on the the remarkable "Closet of Falling Stuff"!
ga970110 -- When do you want me to wake you? - When you feel real brave. - That should get me to the millenium.
ga970111 -- - Hello there, how are you? I am fine. I see you are a cat. I have a cat. His name is Mittens. I love my cat. He sits on my lap ans I pet him and pet him and pet - I hate it when mimes take a break.
ga970112 -- - Here comes Arlene! - EEEYUUUUHHH! - Hi, Arlene. Hello, Garfield. - Well, it's been nice talking to you. I'm sure you have to run... - Oh no. I have lots of time. So...how are you doing? - I'm busy! See yuh! - Whew! Vanity, thy name is
ga970112 -- Garfield.
ga970113 -- A big bear hug, and I'm ready to face the day! - - Better take two...it's monday.
ga970114 -- - Uh-oh! -
ga970115 -- Z - Garfield! Dinner! Z -
ga970116 -- LICK LICK SLURP - Want a lick, Pooky? -
ga970117 -- * - - Pooky, you sure know how to spoil a good bad mood!
ga970118 -- I'm going to work. - And I'll do nothing! - Let's hear it for Yin and Yang.
ga970119 -- - - SMACK! - Yeeew... - - -
ga970120 -- - Do you have to stand that close to me? No. - I can stand this close.
ga970121 -- I shall now toss this bird into the air and catch it in my mouth! - - I am sooo stupid.
ga970122 -- Know what I'm having for dinner, Garfield? - Oh, I thought I'd fry up a little... - Fish skeleton! So, what are you trying to say?
ga970123 -- This doggy sweater feels pretty good on a cold day. - Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! - Now it's a little too warm.
ga970124 -- I got you a get-well card, Jon. - - What are you doing, Garfield? Waiting fo you to finish that month old meat loaf.
ga970125 -- There's no news today. - Because verybody everywhere spent all day watching TV. - Looks like we're going to have to start taking turns.
ga970126 -- Garfield! Dinner! - I fixed you something special for dinner tonight, Garfield. - Broiled tournedos of beef in a brown mushroom gravy... - On a wild rice pilaf with glazed baby carrots and garnished with an orange slice and a sprig of fresh
ga970126 -- parsley! - GULP - BURRP - I do hope it was satisfactory. I've had fresher parsley.
ga970127 -- Hey, Garfield, guess what? It's snowed last ni- - SPLAP - Tell me something I don't know. THIS IS WAR!
ga970128 -- Okay, Garfield, I'm ready! - * ** - Never build your fort at the bottom of a hill. YAAHH!
ga970129 -- - - WOO WOO WOOOO Just call him "Mister Powder Pants".
ga970130 -- Here comes Jon! - fling SPLOT - EEEEEIIIYIIIEEOOO Oops a little low.
ga970131 -- Snowball fighting is so barbaric. - FLING! - SPLOT! UHHH-AH-EEE-AH-EEE-AHH-EEE-AHH thump thump thump thump thump GARFIELD!
ga970201 -- pat pat pat - tink - It's a sickness.
ga970202 -- - chatter chatter chatter - What the heck. He's cold anyway. - - - And I'm hungry.
ga970203 -- Sigh... - Garfield! Are you all right? Yeah. - Nothing a cup of hot chocolate couldn't cure.
ga970204 -- Z - brrriinng -
ga970205 -- I hate snow. - WOOOOOOSSSH - And the feeling is mutual.
ga970206 -- Ready, Garfield? Let's go! - AIEEEE! - Enough practice...Let's go for it! Why am I up front?
ga970207 -- That was some sled ride, huh, Garfield. - Pretty fast, huh, Garfield. - Garfield? Can we go back and pick up my lips?
ga970208 -- - kick Ha! -
ga970209 -- - This is your standar dmodel dog. - It comes complete with a vacant stare... - Disgusting, drooling, oversized tongue... - * And a full set of fleas. - * - Brain not included.
ga970210 -- - Here, Jon. Have the cookie Odie licked. - Why, Garfield, this is so unlkie you. No, it's not.
ga970211 -- - I'm taking Odie for a walk. - By the way, we're out of helium.
ga970212 -- - Tails. - Two out of three? Forget it. The TV remote is mine tonight.
ga970213 -- I love the city! - Anything you want is right here. - Hey, buddy, wanna buy a suit? Sure! Taxi!
ga970214 -- I attract fun, Garfield. - "Be prepared to party", that's my motto. - Yup...you gotta be ready. He filled his pockets with avocado dip.
ga970215 -- This has been a bad day, Garfield. - And no wonder. - Someone stuck a "Bury Me Alive" sign on my back! Yes, some days are better than others.
ga970216 -- - - swoop GULP! - * - - -
ga970217 -- - My chair seems to be sinking into the floor. - Time to diet, Garfield. Give me one good reason!
ga970218 -- SLUUUUCK - - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH The diet, day one.
ga970219 -- Here's your leaf of lettuce. - Thanks. - And here's your look of disgust.
ga970220 -- *YAWN* - You slept through breakfast... Whoop dee-doo - And missed your morning carrot stick. Remind me to sleep through lunch, too.
ga970221 -- I have an idea. Why don't you NOT diet, and than cheat on that by dieting? - - You have a weird hair growing out of your ear.
ga970222 -- I know you're sick of carrot sticks, so I fixed you something different. - Diced carrots! - BOY! That's uncomfortable.
ga970223 -- Z - Garfield! Breakfast! - - munch munch munch hop hop hop - RABBIT SEASON - Z - I have been on this diet TOO long. Breakfast.
ga970224 -- - Eat me! - Day seven of the diet: the hallucinations begin.
ga970225 -- C'mon, why don't you eat me? Because you're a hallucination, that's why! - Besides, I prefer chocolate doughnuts. - Nooo problem! Sigh.
ga970226 -- Aren't you going to eat me? No. You*'re a hallucination. - This diet is making me nuts! Whatever food I think of just- - Whoooo's hungry?!
ga970227 -- You diet hallucinations are driving me crazy! - A doughnut and a pizza...all that's missing is a- - Hi, big goy. tap tap Well, the gang's all here.
ga970228 -- How's it going, scale? Not so good... you? - Awful. This diet is killing me. Sounds like we could both use a good laugh... - Why don't you hop on?
ga970301 -- I'm proud of you, Garfield. - You stuck to your diet, and actually lost a few pounds. I know. - And I can't wait to find those suckers again!
ga970302 -- - Sigh. - - Sigh. - - AHEM - Sigh.
ga970303 -- You know wht the main difference is between you and me, Garfield? - Intellect? - I don't say "meow". Like I said.
ga970304 -- - - Now that I've put aluminium siding on Odie, We won't have to paint him!
ga970305 -- We're in a rut, Garfield. Maybe I should change your name. - I'm going to call you "Bingo"! - Bad Bingo! It's sounding better already.
ga970306 -- You must be one of those cats I've heard so much about. - Am I supposed to be barking? - Ahem...bark. First day on the job.
ga970307 -- I don't want to be disturbed! - Jon't working on a jigsaw puzzle. - Those two-piecers can be vicious.
ga970308 -- Jon say I never pay attention to him. - Watch me prove how wrong he is. - You did something with your hair, right, Jon?
ga970309 -- - - Hi, Mister Cat! I'm Jenny, from the spider scouts! - And I'm selling spider scout cookies to rais emoney for my troop. - We have mealworm mint wafers, mashed fly macaroons, and silverfish s'mores! - So, how many boxes can I put you down
ga970309 -- for? - Is that a tiny beret?
ga970310 -- - -
ga970311 -- You can't do this to me! - I demand the right to call my attorney! - Now get me a telephone book, bozo! This is too easy.
ga970312 -- Know what? Life's just too short. - SMACK - Boy, the irony is so thick, you could cut it with a knife.
ga970313 -- Cat! - smack - Uh-oh. - Bernie! Are you okay?! What can we do?! Subscribe to a bigger magazine.
ga970314 -- - gobble munch smack gulp -
ga970315 -- Burp - Big meal? You bet. - A whole fly! What a pig.
ga970316 -- - * dingle * dingle Uh-oh... - SHOOM WHUMP! * dingle - pant pant pant pant * - pant pant pant * dingle * dingle - YAAHH! * pant pant I'd say they've broken at least three city ordinances, right, Bubba? I didn't see nothin'. Let's gat a
ga970316 -- doughnut.
ga970317 -- I'm depressed, Garfield. - After I'm gone, no one will care that I ever existed. Hey, cheer up, Jon. - They don't care now.
ga970318 -- Z lap lap lap lap lap - lap lap lap lap - lap lap lap lap Jon! Odie's drinking of of the toilet again!
ga970319 -- Soon Jon's food will be mine! - I at elunch early today. Oh, great! - Now, what am I supposed to do with this sneaky expression?!
ga970320 -- Prepare for a stomping, daisy! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?! - A daisy MY size? Hey, Luther! - You want a piece of this, cat?!...C'mon! C'mon! Wake UP, Garfield...waaaake UP.
ga970321 -- Sad news from home, Garfield. - "Dear son: your pet hog, Earl, has passed away." - "Enclosed are some delicious sausage patties". Well, I'm through grieving. Let's eat!
ga970322 -- ...and don't you forget it! - - You forgot it, didn't you? I forgot it before you finished saying whatever it was.
ga970323 -- Gaar-field. - How about a kitty treat, Garfield? - flip - Sorry, only one treat per kitty. - - WHOP! - Wow! FIVE kitties.
ga970324 -- Hello, Linda? ...Jon Arbuckle... - OK, I'll wait. - She's putting me on her answering machine. Ouch.
ga970325 -- Marsha, will you go out with me? - Say yes and I'll be happier than a hog with a mouth full of slop. - Hello?... Platitude Man strikes out again.
ga970326 -- Think of this way, Julie. - Going out with me is better than a stick in the eye. - Put the stick down, Julie. Never give'm options, Jon.
ga970327 -- I'm going to impress my date, Garfield. - She'll see how neat and organized I am. - I'm taking my sock drawer. The Binky the Clown socks should stay home.
ga970328 -- My date is in show business, Garfield. - We met at the carnival. - Tonight I dine with "Zelda, the Toad Woman". Don't forget to take a jar of flies.
ga970329 -- Garfield, I'm gonna slug down this root beer... - Then I'm gonna go talk to that chick. - BURP! CRETIN! Ah, love.
ga970330 -- - - - - - Woo...that's even too much for ME...
ga970331 -- Garfield, how would you like breakfast in bed this morning? - Sure. - Fill 'er up!
ga970401 -- I can't stand the smell of this paint! Don't worry, the Bumsteads have invited us over to their house. - You mean we're moving to a different comic strip? Just until the paint dries. - Even for april fool's day this is ridiculous!
ga970402 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - The volume needs adjusting. squeak squeak - bark! bark! bark! bark!
ga970403 -- There's Harry Rogers. - "Most likely to succeed". - That's Patty Harrison. "Most likely to become famous". - There's me. "Most likely to date a kitchen appliance."
ga970404 -- Garfield, go out and get the paper. - - All right, all right! I'll mow the lawn!
ga970405 -- knock knock knock - - Opening day of flea season. Honey, we're home!
ga970406 -- Z - Garfield! Z - Dinner! - scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot - scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot - You are incredible. First food, then compliments.
ga970407 -- I've decided to take up jogging. - Which will go well with my other hobby... - ...lying.
ga970408 -- Hey, Garfield, let's play "catch". - BOINK - I said, "catch". I prefer "Ricochet".
ga970409 -- We need some action around here! - - Wiggling your ears doesn't count. Then YOU think of something.
ga970410 -- This book is about faithful pets, Garfield. - Pets who risked their lives to protect their owners. - You wouldn't be interested. What about the time I ate that hot pizza to save you from burning the roof of your mouth?
ga970411 -- Garfield, I'm home! - Some pets scamper to greet their owners. - But, not yoooou though. I believe the keyword is "scamper".
ga970412 -- Here comes Jon. I'd better look busy. - - Rats! I forgot how!
ga970413 -- - TONK - Good evening, ladies. - BONK! - And gentlemen. - DONK DONK DONK - And you kids, too.
ga970414 -- This morning I had a bowl of cereal with strawberries. - When I turned my back, a mouse ate them. - What do you say, Garfield?! We have strawberries?
ga970415 -- Do you know what's going to happen when I catch xou? - Not really. - Let's ask Jon. Maybe he knows.
ga970416 -- Those mice are too much, Garfield. - Either they go, or I go! - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! What's that noise? That's twenty mice dragging your suitcase down the stairs.
ga970417 -- I came within an eyelash of catching that pesky mouse today. - I'm back from Hawaii! - Okay, maybe it was several eyelashes.
ga970418 -- The mouse escaped. - I mean, the mouse escaped. - You're not fooling anybody. How about this? The mouse...
ga970419 -- Don't come out here, mouse, or you'll regret it. - You'll really, REALLY regret it! - Why? Because it's really, REALLY boring out here.
ga970420 -- boop * beep boop - I'd like to order a pizza... - Make it large... - With onions... - And mushrooms... - And anchovies. - And hurry. I earn every bite.
ga970421 -- You look like you're ready for a nice climb Fat chance! - There's a bird's nest on the third branch from the top. - Liar! Sucker.
ga970422 -- Do trees have feelings? Like love...hate...pain? - Oh, pain, definitely. Really? When? - Right now. You're standing on my root. Sorry.
ga970423 -- Climb you? What do you think I am, a dope? Will you scratch my back then? - scratch scratch scratch Ahhh...higher...higher...higher... - Hey! What a dope.
ga970424 -- Jon will rescue me. He worries when I'm not around. What a great guy. - Good ol' Jon. He should be here any minute now. - Where is that dork?
ga970425 -- - - Have you hugged your tree today?
ga970426 -- Come on, climb me. No way. - You'll be sorry. Yeah, right, What are you gonna do about it, bark breath? -
ga970427 -- - Fetch the ball, Odie! - - Good boy! - You threw that ball in my spaghetti on purpose! - Don't be silly. - Now, fetch the garlic bread...I mean, ball again, Odie.
ga970428 -- Garfield, we have to talk abou this thing you have for food. - It's getting out of hand. - There are lip prints on the refrigerator. I can be very affectionate.
ga970429 -- It certainly is a... - BOOT! - Pleasant day.
ga970430 -- - I had a combing accident this morning. - Were there any survivors?
ga970501 -- Cats are good. - Cat hair is good. Hair balls are good. - Hair balls are our friends. Sensitivity training.
ga970502 -- You WILL go out with me? All right! - When? - How long is a millenium? You'd better start getting ready.
ga970503 -- Jon forgot my fork. - -
ga970504 -- - Hey dipwad, time to feed the cat! - Take a moment out of your pathetic existence to care for your living pet, you dork! - - I...I guess I'll, uh...fix your dinner. - ZIP - And make it snappy, geek boy! I love this thing.
ga970505 -- Look, Garfield! - It's the 24-hour sock drawer channel! - Welcome to "Darning for Dollars"! All right! I think I'll go dust off the radio.
ga970506 -- First we caress the meal with our eyes... - Then we allow the scent to permeate the room... - Then we shove our face in the plate and inhale! snort! grunt! gulp! I knew she'd crack.
ga970507 -- So one accountant says to the other, "you're so accrual, you don't depreciate me anymore!" - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I don't get in. - This has been "Inside Joke Theater". Figured.
ga970508 -- Now it's time to play "Name That Pain"! Listen carefully, contestants... - Ouch! Eeech! Yaaach! Yeeech! Oiiiieee! BZZZT - Pat, that's a guy who forgot to take all the pins out of his new shirt! I knew that one! Go figure.
ga970509 -- slap slap slap slap slap slap - slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap -"Ninja Sissies" will return in a moment. Where's the remote?
ga970510 -- Welcome, th "Ed, the Wonder Ca-... CLICK - ...the adventures of "Lothar: Mouse Warrior"! - I hope those batteries wear down soon.
ga970511 -- Z - You are accidentally locked inside a pasta factory. - You are roaming by endless rows of grinders and sifters and cookers when... - A familiar aroma beckons you. - It's a huge, steaming vat of lasagna! - You are seconds away from the
ga970511 -- greatest feast in history! - RIINNG
ga970512 -- Z - Z - Ever have a day when you just can't wake up? Z
ga970513 -- BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - Beware Of The Dog
ga970514 -- Garfield, I'm giving you a bad attitude award. - Oh, great. What am I supposed to do with this stupid... - Say, I AM good.
ga970515 -- - - We're being annoying in shifts.
ga970516 -- This is a personalized cologne, Garfield. - They match your personality with just the right scent. - It's called "Eau de Geek". Smells like a pocket protector.
ga970517 -- I worked on a jigsaw puzzle for eight hours. - As it turned out, there was a piece missing. Small world. - I worked on a puzzle for eight hours, and there were 499 pieces missing.
ga970518 -- - - - - clickety clickety clickety - Sigh - Time sure crawls when you're waiting for the pizza delivery guy.
ga970519 -- Look, Garfield! - A new brand of kitty treats! - They're shaped like little running mailmen. "Sugar sweetened civil servants," I like it!
ga970520 -- Garfield, if you're reeeeal good today... - I'll give you a kitty treat. Hmmm. - Looks like I have to maul him for the box again.
ga970521 -- - YAAHHH - HOOOOOOOOO New "lasagna flavored" kitty treats.
ga970522 -- Sorry, pal, we're out of kitty treats. - I might pick some up when I find the time. - Any coupons?
ga970523 -- A new goldfish! Wait! I'm not just any fish. I'm a magic fish. - Yeah, right. Really! I can grant your fondest wish. - Okay, I wish for some tartar sauce. He's not buying it.
ga970524 -- What have you got in your mouth, Garfield? Nothing. - Garfield?! - It's NOT one of those birds that looks kind of like a sparrow, but isn't. I forget what they're called.
ga970525 -- Hmp! - Look at you, you lazy lump! - Get up! Move around! Exercise! - Go outside! Breathe some fresh air! - Go to the library! Read a book! - You're still sitting there, aren't you? Yup. - Goooood, I have trained you well.
ga970526 -- Forget it, Garfield. - You had lunch just an hour ago. - Stop living in the past, Jon.
ga970527 -- Odie is chilly, so I'm going to help him put on socks. - -
ga970528 -- That's me at the prom. - Out theme was "Dairy Products for Strong Bones". - I was voted "King of the Udders"! Nice costume.
ga970529 -- Garfield! - Did you break this lamp? - Only that bottom half there.
ga970530 -- It's fun time! - - Maybe the clock is slow.
ga970531 -- Laugh, and the worls laughs with you! - - Get a live, world!
ga970601 -- - - - - - - I am never, ever taking you through a car wash again. Can I have that i writing?
ga970602 -- Hmmm... - "Scorpio: travel highlights your immediate future". - WHACK
ga970603 -- Hi! I'm new around here. My name's Myron. - Put 'er there! - This is a good day.
ga970604 -- Hey! I thought I squished you yesterday! Nah. - You only got my leg. - Wanna sign my cast?
ga970605 -- What happened to you? The cat squished me flat. He hates spiders. - You're not alone. - He hates flies, too. Ouch.
ga970606 -- What do spiders do for fun? - Well, me, I like to read. - Knock yourself out.
ga970607 -- - SPLUT - Nothing worse than a clever arachnid. hee hee hee
ga970608 -- - Spider! You'r elooking good! Yep... - Just had the body cast removed yesterday! - I also had the stitches removed last week, and I don't have to wear that nech braze anymore. - The doc says I'm as good as new. The only thing that hasn't
ga970608 -- returned yet is... - SMACK! - ...my memory.
ga970609 -- Coffee, the perfect diet drink...it's low cal. - SCHLURP - And high octane!
ga970610 -- I bought some "gourmet coffee," Garfield. What do you think? - PHHHT - Okay, I'm gonna go out on a limb here...
ga970611 -- - The coffee took my donut. - Coffee strong enough for you? Yeah, but the donuts are too weak. Burp.
ga970612 -- snap snap - - Will that be all, master? For now, but stand by for crumb detail.
ga970613 -- I heard SOMEone is turning nineteen soon. - - Have you been blabbing again?
ga970614 -- You're getting older, you're getting... - ...you're getting...uh...ummmm...uh... - Now what was I thinking about?
ga970615 -- Z - Gaaaaarrr-fiiieeelld... - Come to me, Garfield. - Commmmme to meeeee... - Come toward the light, Garfield... - Come to the liiiight... - Get out of there!
ga970616 -- I feel old, Squeak. How old are you? - I'm going to be nineteen. WHOA! - ...I mean, oh, really!
ga970617 -- tap tap tap - - hee hee hee hee hee hee hee Just wait till YOUR next birthday!
ga970618 -- Okay, Garfield, I've done all th emath. - With your daily average of 18 hours of sleep timeas your age, you've slept for 14 years and 3 months. - The best years of my life!
ga970619 -- Wow... - Is it warm in here, or is it just me? - Happy birthday! It's just me.
ga970620 -- Big dinner date tonight, Garfield. - I'm pulling out all the stops. - Yessir, I'm using the drive-up window tonight! Well hello, Mr. Snooty.
ga970621 -- Harriet, if you ever leave, I'll pull myself out by the roots! - GULP - Did I say "roots"?
ga970622 -- mmmmm - AHhhhhhh - There's no better feeling than lying in cool grass on a warm summer night. - Garfield, time for bed! Rats. - - - Put it back-
ga970623 -- You didn't do anything remotely resembling work today, did you? - - Well, dinner was kind of cheway.
ga970624 -- - - He doesn't drink it. He just spreads it around the house.
ga970625 -- Z Z - PA, THE CHICKENS ARE DROWNING! - Z Recurring farm nightmare.
ga970626 -- Do you know what's fun? - - Me neither. A rare moment of candor.
ga970627 -- May I speak to the man of the house? - - Define "Man".
ga970628 -- Are you certain this is the right amount of chili powder to add to this dish? Absolutely! - FOOF! - Now pitch it out and order a pizza.
ga970629 -- - Beware Of The Dog - Seriously, This Dog Is Bad News! - All Right! All Right! I Don't Have A Dog! - I wanted A Dog, But Nooooo! "Too Stinky, Mother Said..." - Well, I'LL SHOW MOTHER! I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!! - Beware Of The Man In The Dog Suit.
ga970630 -- Did you see that beautiful woman? - She smiled at me! - Was that before or after she pointed an laughed?
ga970701 -- Chicks likeintellectual guys. - So I'm boning up on classic literature. - "Here's Mr. Butterly, visiting Miss Daisy...." The man's reading a coloring book.
ga970702 -- Hey there, chicky-boo, chicky-boo-boo-boo. - Tell me, are you obnoxious, or just plain stupid? - That's for me to know, and for you to find out. Today we're stupid.
ga970703 -- So, Sarah, you don't care for my personality? - Well, the joke's on you, Sarah! - I don't have a personality! He's got her there.
ga970704 -- - Do you believe in love at first sight? - I have a brick in my purse. Must be a code.
ga970705 -- Sigh... - Garfield, what is my purpose in life? - To make others feel superior?
ga970706 -- - AHHHH - - AHHHH - - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ga970707 -- See the lazy cat. - See the lazy cat take a nap in the road. - See the steamroller... WAKE UP, CAT!
ga970708 -- Hey...this isn't water... - It's CHICKEN STOCK! - There goes my sparrow gumbo.
ga970709 -- I'm training Odie to be a watchdog. - Now Odie, if a burglar broke into the house, what would you do? - That is correct! Make me a ham sandwich!
ga970710 -- Got my beach ball, got my fins, got my surfboard. - EEK! - I'll get your trunks.
ga970711 -- This lotion is supposed to prevent sunburn. - Want some, Garfield? Nope. Don't need it. - I could use some eyeholes, though.
ga970712 -- What do you think, Garfield? - You're asking the wring guy, Jon. - To a cat, a sandcastle is nothing more than an outhouse with turrets.
ga970713 -- - What a great day! I hate going to the beach with Jon... - HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! - SHARKS! - RIPTIIIIIiiiiide - TIDAL WAVE! - He always has to be the center of the attention. WATER SPOUT!
ga970714 -- Gee, it seems a shame to wake him. Z - But on the othe rhand... Z - This oughta be a good show. Z
ga970715 -- Check out that cute girl over there! - And check out her big boyfriend returning with ice cream! - Actually, it's kind of refreshing.
ga970716 -- O-die! O-die! - - GARFIELD!
ga970717 -- That's it, Garfield. I've asked every girl on this beach out. - And they all said no. - Even the one with the hairy back? Even the one with the hairy back!
ga970718 -- This whole trip to the beach has been a complete failure! - I didn't meet a single girl! pat pat There, there... - YEOOW You'll always have your sunburn to keep you warm.
ga970719 -- Eww! A dead fish! - A dead, stinky, smelly, disgusting fish. - What's that smell?
ga970720 -- - ...5-4-3-2... - chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa -GULP! - BURP - chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa - The ol' 5:05, right on time.
ga970721 -- Run for your lives! - There's a glacier headed this way! - It'll be here in forty million years! Get out of the refrigerator, Garfield.
ga970722 -- Odie and I are going to take a walk. - Bye! - And don't change the locks again. Sure, blame the cat!
ga970723 -- Isn't nature thrilling, Garfield? - Nature is boring. - You're staring at the wall. Then your wallpaper is boring.
ga970724 -- I'm in a bad mood. - - Relatively speaking.
ga970725 -- Look, Garfield, I made a cheese sculpture! - Very nice. - Esoteric, yet piquant.
ga970726 -- I love the night. I sense the woodland creatures fleeing in terror before me. - - I hate the night.
ga970727 -- * RING RING - ** RING RING *click* - This is Jon Arbuckle. Leave your name and message at the tone. *beeeeeeeeep* - Hi, Jon? This is Tami, the professional cheerleader you met at the pizza parlor... - I can't stop thinking about you! Call me.
ga970727 -- My number is- - CLICK CLICK RIIIIIIIIIP STOMP - I can't BELIEVE he had pizza without me!
ga970728 -- I feel my primal instincts welling up from deep within my soul. - I must return to my wild jungle roots! - Call me a cab.
ga970729 -- - BOO! - I thought cats were supposed to be high-string. Gimme time. This is only my second cup.
ga970730 -- Here, kitty, kitty. - Good kitty! - Whoa, a surprise ending.
ga970731 -- Studies prove that cats DON'T always land on their feet. - How's that limp, Jon? Keep away from me. - I land on OTHER people's feet!
ga970801 -- Here's an article about a cat who rescued people from a burning building. - I'll bet you couldn't do that. Sure I could. - Gimme some matches.
ga970802 -- sniff sniff . Do I smell tuna? - They make cologne for cats now.
ga970803 -- - - He's gonna say it. - I just know he's gonna say it. - It wouldn't be Jon if he didn't say it. - 4...3...2...1... - What a long train. ARRRRGH!
ga970804 -- Two visible doughnuts for me. - And two INvisible doughnuts for you. - Give me one of those. Now, now. Don't be greedy.
ga970805 -- - - Next time *I* get to pick what we do.
ga970806 -- This is what's left of the couch. - - scratch scratch scratch
ga970807 -- I hope you appreciate how hard I work preparing meals! - Ouch! - Trouble with the chip bag again? I got a paper cut.
ga970808 -- Ellen won't let me come to her party, Garfield. - I'm so depressed. - At least I have one friend to be with me. I'd love to, but I have a party to go to.
ga970809 -- Z BRRINNG! - Z rrrrriiinng - Z Z
ga970810 -- Whew! - - GOOOSH - grab shake shake shake - PSSSSHHHHHT! - Aw, is the kitty warm? - Joke. That was a joke.
ga970811 -- Millions of years ago, dinosaurs ruled the earth. - Hold it. - This isn't about the last time you had a date, is it?
ga970812 -- Hey, Lori, how about dinner? - Well then, how about lunch? Brunch? Breakfast? - What if I dirve by your house and throw a cheeseburger out the window? Be carefult not to grovel, Jon.
ga970813 -- Ellen, if you don't go out with me, I'll die. - It's just a figure of speech, Ellen. - No, you can't have my computer. Can I have the TV?
ga970814 -- I only need to do one more thing to get ready for my date! - boop boop beep boop beep beep beep boop - Hello, Sheila? Say, what are you doinf tonight? You're pathetic!
ga970815 -- The chicks don't return my calls, Garfield. - I haven't had a date in months. - I must be very intimidating. Welcome to Jon world.
ga970816 -- Hi, Suzy. I'm Jon, your blind date. - So where would you like to eat tonight? - You have a craving for raw meat? At last, a real woman.
ga970817 -- - - - - ! -
ga970818 -- I'm going to put this cake somewhere that won't tempt you. - Let me do it! - Temptation's gone!
ga970819 -- Go away. - - And stay away.
ga970820 -- pat pat pat - It's ninety degrees. - And we're out of powdered sugar!
ga970821 -- I'm bored. - I've got a bat stuck in my hair! - Some people have all the fun.
ga970822 -- Disgusting. - She was referring to you. She was referring to you. - Maybe she was referring to herself. Let's go with that.
ga970823 -- The Cat Is Stoopi* - aHEM klak klak klak klak - The Cat
ga970824 -- Hi, cat. Hi, tree. - Climb me. I don't know. That branch doesn't look very safe. - Try it and see. Oh, all right. - CRACK - SPLAT! - claw claw claw claw claw Ahhhhhhh - The things I'll do for a good back scratch.
ga970825 -- I'm stuck! I can't get up! - All right!
ga970826 -- What would happen if I were as lazy as you? - - I wouldn't have to answer your insipid questions.
ga970827 -- - - I'll be doing my own chewing today. Don't strain anything.
ga970828 -- I thought I told you to move around today. - - Jon has obviously not factored in the rotation of earth.
ga970829 -- Don't you have anything to do? - I've been keeping an eye on that crack in the ceiling. - NOW I don't have anything to do.
ga970830 -- You ought to be ashamed, you lazy, worthless, pathetic excuse for a pet! - - Ah-HA!
ga970831 -- - Mom fixed me up with a blind date tonight. - She says she's got a great sense of humor. Excuse me. - BWAH-HA HA HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAR HAR HAR - GAH-HA! HA! GASP! SNORT! WAH Ha! Ha! Ha! *wheeze* cough...cough - Do continue. - She won first
ga970831 -- place at the country fair in the pork rind eating contest. Excuse me again.
ga970901 -- You're the ugliest little boy I've ever seen. - - You think I'm little?
ga970902 -- Odie is plotting. - - He's plotting to rub his paws together.
ga970903 -- Garfield is timing my run. - How'd I do? - Okaaaay...go! click
ga970904 -- I'm going to go grout the bathroom tile now. - - That gravy was NOT too thibk!
ga970905 -- Do you think glasses would make me look smarter? - Let's find out. - No, you still look stupid.
ga970906 -- ARF! ARF! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BOW-WOW! WOOF! WOOF! YIP! YIP! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Watchdog on vacation. Please bark at yourself. ARF I feel silly.
ga970907 -- - Attention shoppers - ...will the owner of a red sedan - ...license number TB-312 - ...please return to your car. Your lights are on. - ...again. - UNLOCK THAT DOOR! Did you bring me anything?
ga970908 -- Welcome to "Quantum Physics And You". - click click click WHOA! Look out! - Whew! I almost saw something worthwile.
ga970909 -- Welcome to "The Loud Show". - we're loud, we're proud... - AND WE'RE MEAN, TOO!!
ga970910 -- It's time to open the door... Here comes the scary part. - creeeeeeek... I can't look! - Ah, a perfect souffle! Whew!
ga970911 -- Here we see a lion eating an antilope. - - Pretty icky, huh? I'll say. No table linen!
ga970912 -- My next guest is a prehistoric monster. - Who rose from the depths of the earth to stomp on Tokyo. - And has written a book about his experiences. Of course.
ga970913 -- I'm getting the TV fixed, Garfield. - I can't stand watching you stare out of the window... - Clicking the remote. Change! Darn you! click click click click
ga970914 -- - We'll return after this message from our sponsor. - Wow! - SLAM! SPREAD SPREAD SALT SALT SALT Pour Pour Pour Chop Chop Chop SLAM! Look at him go! What form! What precision! - PATTA PATTA PATTA PATTA PATTA PATTA ...what grace? - And then he
ga970914 -- chokes in the homestretch! Now back to our show...
ga970915 -- I've just been remembering the good times. Good times? - I must have been asleep. - You were asleep. Hey!
ga970916 -- I kick Odie this way... BOOT! - And then back this way... KICK! - IT's like I never kicked him at all!
ga970917 -- I feel stress. Me too. - Burrrrrrrrrrrrp - Now I don't.
ga970918 -- I'm fetching the paper for you, Jon. - But it's rather heavy. - So we're going to do this in installments.
ga970919 -- Hey, everybody! Garfield caught a mouse! - He's playing with it, then he's going to eat it! - Is your back feeling better now? Just a few more minutes.
ga970920 -- Garfield, I have some chores for you. Happy to help. - - One of these days.
ga970921 -- - A-hem Get lost, tubby. - Fat chance, fatso. - Sigh... - - Well, hello there. - Finally! - Someone who loves me for ME!
ga970922 -- Fear not, cat! I will not bite you! - For *I* am a pacifist. - You look like a spider to me.
ga970923 -- This is a little game I call "boo-whack". - BOO!! EEK! - WHACK
ga970924 -- How's the wife and kids? You SQUISHED them yesterday! - Oh...yeah. - This is what's know as an "awkward moment".
ga970925 -- Do you know what I just learned? - - Spiders are lousy swimmers.
ga970926 -- Cat. meet my friend Petey the Tick. - Howdy-do. - SKLIK Hey! What do you think you're doing?! - He owed me money!
ga970927 -- Hmm. I don't remember squashing those spiders... - Is he gone? Yeah. - Frank, you're a genius! You do what you hav eto do.
ga970928 -- Systems Activated - Target Search - Enhance - Locked on - Fire - WHOP - Did you get the paper? No, it got me.
ga970929 -- Garfield, I've figured out your problem. - It has to do with self-esteem. - Too much of it. That's "too much of it, SIR".
ga970930 -- Look behind you, Odie! - whap whap whap whap whap - I love that dog.
ga971001 -- I think I have it now, Garfield. - Yessss! - Darn! The man is screwing in a light bulb.
ga971002 -- You're planning to bite me, aren't you? - Why would you say that? - You put mustard on my hand! Let me have a closer look.
ga971003 -- Hope you didn't eat the meat loaf, Garfield. - It's been in the fridge for six months. - Anybody who eats that has only minutes left. Just enough time for dessert then.
ga971004 -- Sigh - Why not show some enthusiasm for life? - SIGH!
ga971005 -- tap tap tap BEWARE OF THE DOG - Sorry, cat, I can't bark at you today. Why not? - I have a sore throat. Hey, no problem! - Mom's home remedy will have you barking again in no time! Really? - First you take a bath towel and soak it with
ga971005 -- ice-cold hose water...then- - SCHLAPP! - BARK BARK ARF ARF ARF BARK ARK ARF ARF Good ol' mom.
ga971006 -- Garfield, I'm going to take some time to reflect on my life. - - Gee, that didn't take long. Like scuba diving in a shot glass.
ga971007 -- I can't breathe! - I'm passing out! - THUD! Better go back to the clip-on ties, Jon.
ga971008 -- I'm going for the record, Garfield. - Three hundred consecutive days without saying the word "beans"! - Darn. I wonder if there's a place to go to buy a life.
ga971009 -- Time to celebrate, Garfield! - It's Renaldo Smit's birthday...the father of stamp collecting! - The hot cocolate will flow tonight! I have the urge to perforate something.
ga971010 -- Life's not fair, Garfield. Let's be realistic. - Remember, you can't always get everything you want. - YOU can't. *I* can.
ga971011 -- I need to change my image. - - You have an image?
ga971012 -- Rats. - click click click click click - RATS - click click cli- - RATS - cli - ARRRGGHHH No one can lose at computer games faster than Jon.
ga971013 -- There's an exciting world out there! - - There had better be food on the front lawn.
ga971014 -- SHOVE - Heh, heh, heh. - Heh, heh, heh.
ga971015 -- These pants are very uncomfortable. - - Possibly because that's a shirt.
ga971016 -- GULP GOBBLE SNARF GULP - Every time I watch you eat, I lose my appetite. - He's onto me.
ga971017 -- I had nothing to do with it! - - THUD Timing, Garfield! Timing!
ga971018 -- I wonder if this coffee is any good? - I'll give it the "Dunk Test". - It's goooood.
ga971019 -- click - In the news... - Giant bugs invaded a television station today! - Giant, news-reading bugs. - Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat! - Giant, news-reading bugs, who are mildly amused by attempts to swat them with a magazine...ha,
ga971019 -- ha-HAAA! - Resistance is futile! Submit, humans! - Come on, get to the sports scores.
ga971020 -- Help! Help! - This looks like a job for super dog! - WHACK! Flew into a fire hydrant.
ga971021 -- Jon wants me to watch this tape. click - Hi! Uh, this is Jon Arbuckle, and I'd like to present the Garfield Workout Video! - Z You're a funny man, Jon Arbuckle!
ga971022 -- - Why are you trying to change the channel with a candy bar? - BURP Uh-oh.
ga971023 -- Here comes the old slowpoke, Mister Three-Toed Sloth... - And who's this? Why, it's Mister Anaconda! - My, that don't take long! I'll bet they're darn tasty, too.
ga971024 -- Woof! Woof! - Just like a dog. - Uh, woof? Forgot his lines.
ga971025 -- I wonder if a visit from my little sock puppet buddy "Bubba" would liven things up around here. - - Not much occurs to Bubba.
ga971026 -- - poke poke Z - - - poke poke - -
ga971027 -- What are you supposed to be? - - I'm a cat with dark glasses and a fake arrow through his head, holding a rubber chicken, genius!
ga971028 -- Here's Doris Blasko, my high school sweetheart. - Doris was very mature for her age. - She was first in our class to have facial hair. Not every woman can wear mution chops.
ga971029 -- Hey! Where's the rest of my laundry? - Missing laundry, you say?! - This sounds like a job for...THE SOCK!
ga971030 -- You're wearing my socks! That's why they cal me "THE SOCK" - This is the worst! Not really... - Meet my sidekick, STINKY!
ga971031 -- Is there any crime that needs fighting around here? - No? - That's good, because I'm just a cat with a sock on my head.
ga971101 -- - ALL RIGHT! - The first Christmas commercial.
ga971102 -- - Sigh - The leaves are falling, and soon I'll be catching snowflakes on my tongue... - ! - Amazing. - Can I call 'em, or can I call 'em? - PTUI! PTUI! PTUI! PTUI!
ga971103 -- Garfield, I think your stomach should be a little smaller. - - Well then maybe WE should try standing a little farther away.
ga971104 -- It was a beautiful day in scale land. - Suddenly, the little forest scales went silent. - I hate it when he does it. A huge shadow fell across the land...
ga971105 -- I think you're too fat. - - Get back to me when you're absolutely certain.
ga971106 -- Hi, fatty. - ...fatty-fatty-fat-fat-fatso. Fat-fat-fatty-fat-fatso-fat fatster-fatty-fat-fat... - Fat-fatty-fat-fat... I'm counting the days till his batteriy dies.
ga971107 -- click - click - And here we are at the Wisconsin Cheese Festival. Diet time.
ga971108 -- - You are fat. - Fatter, after you scarf that eclair.
ga971109 -- Sigh... - Boy, am I depressed. - bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz - tease tease tease tease - tease tease tease tease - ree ree ree paint paint paint - Funny...I feel better. I do what I can.
ga971110 -- I hate this diet. - * * ** ** * ** * - ** * * ** * * ** WAAAHH! Ice cream truck.
ga971111 -- The perfect diet snack! Fat-free, unsalted pretzel sticks! - - munch munch munch
ga971112 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - Okay! You can have something besides celery for a snack! If you insist.
ga971113 -- So, how goes the diet, Garfield? - - And what are my new shoes doing in this pot of boiling water?! Tenderizing.
ga971114 -- This diet has been pretty rough. - But at least I haven't had any of those weird hallucinations this time. Excuse me... - May I borrow a cup of giblet gravy? Don't look, Garfield. Don't look.
ga971115 -- Your weight is none of my business. - Garfield... - Did you fiddle with the scale? That's none of your business.
ga971116 -- sip - How's the diet going, Garfield. Very well, thank you, Jon. - SNARF - sip - SCARF - sip - We wouldn't be cheating, would we? Whatever gave you that idea?
ga971117 -- I wonder if I'll be remembered when I'm gone? Sure you will. - People will say, "we sure miss..." - Ol...ol' what's his name. snap snap snap
ga971118 -- - PUMPA PUMPA PUMPA - Idle paws are the devil's workshop.
ga971119 -- Cereal is not healthy. - Oh, it's nutritious enough.... - But, ever try to pass a decoder ring?
ga971120 -- Yee-ha! Get along little doggies! - Howdy, pardner! - If he were a bug, I'd step on him.
ga971121 -- Ellen, this is Jon. - CLICK - Don't grovel, Ellen. I won't go out with you. The man's trying to impress a cat.
ga971122 -- - - Synchronized boredom.
ga971123 -- How about a nice little game of "stomp the spider"? - I'm warning you...you'd better not pick on me, cat! And what happens if I do? - I'll tell my big brother! Fine! Bring him on! - Hey, Rusty! C'mere! - Yeah? This big, stupid cat says he's
ga971123 -- gonna stomp me! - - Can I have your CDs?
ga971124 -- Jon, I don't think you appreciate what a great hunter I am. - I'm living in a mouse paradise! - Nice timing!
ga971125 -- - - They're getting smarter.
ga971126 -- I haven't seen you chase the mouse lately. - It's part of my ingenious plan. - First I'll lull him into a sense of security, and then I plan to do absolutely nothing about it.
ga971127 -- You aren't much of a cat. - Am so. Is so.
ga971128 -- Jon's caught some mice in his cage trap. - That's not what bothers me. - It's when they clang their tiny cups against the bars.
ga971129 -- Today the mouse gets a taste of my wrath. - Don't watch if you have a weak stomach. - Hey! Who's changing the channels?! click click click
ga971130 -- - Well, Garfield, my head's stuck in a wastebasket... - My hands are caught in pickle jars... - And my date's coming ans minute? What'll I do? Hold still. - That should do it. - ** DING DONG - Funny how things work out.
ga971201 -- Garfield, I made a list of goals for myself. - Learn to juggle... - And get a date for new years. Whoa...in this millenium?
ga971202 -- RUNK-itta - brap brap - brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ga971203 -- Nutrition quiz, Garfield. Which vitamin does yor body need most? Grease. - What is energy food? Meat that's still moving. - What is the most important meal of the day? 4 A.M....a bag of chips and a bowl of dip.
ga971204 -- - 25 - Yes, Garfield, I'm aware Christmas is coming.
ga971205 -- I'm writing a letter to Santa. - How quaint and old-fashioned. - *I* sent him an E-Mail.
ga971206 -- Hey, Estelle. - Look up. - Cute, Frank.
ga971207 -- - Hey, Garfield, want to help me with my letter to Santa? Yeah, right... - As if Santa hat the time to read every single... - * BING - - - A sleigh bell! - ...and a catnip mouse, and a new dish, and a scratching post, and...
ga971208 -- Mom usually slips a little something into my Christmas card. - All right! She didn't forget! - Mashed potatoes! Ooo, could mine have gravity?
ga971209 -- Hmmm... - -
ga971210 -- Put your finger there so I can tie this bow. - Thank you. - Thank YOU. Bring that back!
ga971211 -- Nope....no....no....not that...nope. flip flip - Sigh... - He's so hard to buy for.
ga971212 -- So, how was your visit with Santa at the mall? Great. - Santa was in a playful mood. - Ever hear the one about the elf and the blender?
ga971213 -- How cute. Christmas cookies shaped like little doggies. - - Okay, who bit all the heads off?
ga971214 -- - Okay, Garfield, go plug the tree lights in. - PLUG - Hmmm. Nothing. - I'd better check the connections. - click ZZZT - I absolutely MUST have the number of your stylist. I'm still not speaking to you.
ga971215 -- - - I got the Christmas lights up. I know. I saw it on the evening news.
ga971216 -- Do you leave anything out for Santa on Christmas eve? Oh, sure. - A glass of buttermilk, and a dead fly. EEEWWW - BUTTERmilk?
ga971217 -- This looks like a nice tree. - WHOA! - For that price we ought to leave this thing up till july! Sure...what's another month, month or less?
ga971218 -- UNNGH! EERRGH! GAAHH! Jon's been struggling with that Christmas tree stand for hours. - I give up! CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP - Why don't we just decorate you?
ga971219 -- I'll leave your present under the tree if you promise not to peek. You have my word. - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - I'll hide it. I'll find it.
ga971220 -- - -
ga971221 -- - - - - Hmmm - So much for the scientific approach. - Okaaaay...what is it?
ga971222 -- Nice hat. Thanks, I made it myself. - Would you like one? Sure. -
ga971223 -- Check your weight? I don't know... - Hey, hop on! 'tis the season to be jolly! Well, okay. - HO! HO! HO! YOU'RE FAT!
ga971224 -- I remember Christmases back on the farm... Ohhhboy! - Christmas eve everyone would gather around the tree and sing carols. - Of course the cows would just hum along. Just a liiiittle more information than I needed.
ga971225 -- Peace on earth, and goodwill toward men. - - Dogs, too.
ga971226 -- How can Christmas be over so quickly? Now I have to start waiting all over again. - -
ga971227 -- What a great time of year. A season of love, peace and giving. - SLAP SLAP GRAB OW! SWIPE SWIPE OWIE! OWIE! OWIE! SCRATCH - But, all bets are off when it comes to the last Christmas cookie.
ga971228 -- - - - - - - -
ga971229 -- Garfield, it's that time of year. - Time to pull out my little black book... - And find a date for new year's! boop beep boop Welcome to touch.tone twilight zone.
ga971230 -- Hi, Sandra. I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me on new year's ev- Pardon? This is a wrong number? - Oh, as well as I have you on the line, how would YOU like a hunky date for new year's? - BOY, he had a high-pitched voice. Oop-sy.
ga971231 -- Dear friends, Well, the year is coming to a close, and what a year it was! - Uhhhhh.... - A year to end all years. Yessiree, what a year it was. Way to fill.
ga980101 -- It's a new year, Garfield! - I resolve to be less geeky, and more sophisticated. - ...he said as he blew chocolat emilk bubbles into his Binky the Clown mug.
ga980102 -- How was YOUR new year's? - I had a quiet evening at home. Wanna ask me how MINE was? - No.
ga980103 -- It's a new year. Yep. - Well then, don't you think it's time to take the old calendar down, you big, fat idiot? Yep. - Me and my big mouth. Yep.
ga980104 -- Garfield! Odie! - Dinner is serverd! - CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA - GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP - CHUGGA GALLOP CHUGGA GALLOP CHUGGA GALLOP CHUGGA GALLOP - screeee screeeeeee
ga980105 -- Last year was an okay year, Garfield. - But this year is gonna be even better! - OW! ...as Mister Spoon meets Mister Eye.
ga980106 -- Odie should spread his happiness around. - KICK! - Now there's happiness in the living room.
ga980107 -- - - Need a refill? No thanks. Mine should be back in a few minutes.
ga980108 -- I'm in an artistic mood! - I'm going to paint a painting! - Where to start? Cut off an ear.
ga980109 -- - - RING! So, how's YOUR friday night going?
ga980110 -- I wonder if I look like royalty in this crown. - Nice hat, fat boy. - The guillotine would be too swift for him.
ga980111 -- GAR - FI... - ELD! - - KICK! - Ooo...I bet that hurt. - - - CRASH! - Get well soon!
ga980112 -- As a cat, I love to explore the unknown. - Nothing behind me. - That's enough exploring for today.
ga980113 -- Garfield, do a trick, and I'll give you a kitty treat. - - Can't you be normal? You've seen this one?
ga980114 -- Meow. - Meow. - Okay, what di I just say to you, Garfield? You said, "meow," you idiot.
ga980115 -- Look at all of this cat hair! - HA! - This one's a dog hair.
ga980116 -- Jon hasn't moved in hours. - I'm pretending I'm a cat. - If you weren't way over there, I'd hit you.
ga980117 -- I'm amazed that cats think balls of yarn are fun. - - That makes two of us.
ga980118 -- - - - - - Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! - Dog in a pickup truck.
ga980119 -- A little to the left....a little more... - And a teeny bit back to the right.... - Okay, now come straight ahead slowly.
ga980120 -- Odie! You're going to be late for work! - Go get 'em tiger! - Why is Odie trying to start the car? I love that dog.
ga980121 -- What's that thread? Sort of a souvenir. - - And where are the curtains? In that big by window in the sky.
ga980122 -- Crumbs! - You know what that means, Garfield? Yes. - There's a wounded donut somewhere around here.
ga980123 -- Listen to THIS, Garfield... - "Are you breathing? Are you a mammal? Do you walk upright? I'm single and desperate. Call me at 555-2......" - Oh, wait. That's MY ad. What the heck. Call. Maybe you'll get lucky.
ga980124 -- My car won't start. - Of course, that's better than yesterday, when it wouldn't STOP. - You say that as if I could have been the only cat who could have tampered with your brakes.
ga980125 -- All dressed up and no place to go. - Mommy, look! It's the circus! - No, dear. But that man is dressed like a clown! - And there's one of those trained pigs! - No, dear. It's just a man in a bad suit. WAAAH! - And an overweight cat. WAAAH! -
ga980125 -- Excuse me, sir, would you mind squirting seltzer down your pants? Ever been bit by a pig, kid?
ga980126 -- Coming up next, "The Cat: Nature's Perfect Predator". - HA! - What's with him?
ga980127 -- FORE! - thwock whock - Looks like you hit into a hazard, Floyd. You don't know the half of it.
ga980128 -- - Look! A banana cream pie! - He's gone, isn't he?
ga980129 -- Someone has been stealing my chocolates. - And I want to know who! - You there!...with the zits!
ga980130 -- 'night. 'night. - GARFIELD! -
ga980131 -- What happened to you? - I lost a contact lens. - You're gonna have to return the salad bowl.
ga980201 -- - - - - - Oh, Garfield. - We need to talk.
ga980202 -- Dark, rainy, depressing... - We might as well go back to bed. - I'm so happy I could cry.
ga980203 -- - - Savoring the moment.
ga980204 -- I wish Jon was here. - - I've had to annoy myself all day.
ga980205 -- My grandfather was a wise man, Garfield. - He put me on his knee and said, "Jon...! - "You can't milk a dead cow." Sounds like gramps was a few corn dogs shy of a picnic.
ga980206 -- I'll have a hamburger, fries and a chocolate milkshake. Yes, sir. - What would you like, Garfield? - One of those boxes, right next to my bed.!
ga980207 -- - - Did you ever sneeze when you had a mouthful of crackers?
ga980208 -- click - John... Marsha... - Oh, John. Oh, Marsha. - John, John, John. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. - John, John, John John. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. - CLICK - George... Shirley...
ga980209 -- You know, Garfield... - I like women who are impressed with my intellect. - So you're saying you like really stupid women.
ga980210 -- Hi, Tami, it's Jon Arbuckle. - - You're supposed to turn me down AFTER I ask you out. She wanted to get right to the good part.
ga980211 -- So, Bernadette, how about dinner and a movie? - ...lunch and a bike ride? - A cookie and a crossword puzzle?! Toaster crumbs and a knock-knock joke?
ga980212 -- beep boop beep Watch and learn, Garfield. - Hi, Linda? It's Jon. - Oh, PLEASE don't hang up on me! Oh, please oh please oh please oh PLEEEZE. Class dismissed.
ga980213 -- You like your men to be macho? - I'M macho! - Except when I get the giggles. click. click
ga980214 -- Have you seen the flowers I bought my date? Ate 'em. - And the candy? Ate it. - And jewelry? Hocked it. Bought more flowers and candy.
ga980215 -- Z - Garfield, wake up, time for bed. Z - - - * - - SMACK
ga980216 -- A foot of snow fell today. - But, it was concentrated in a very small area. - Figures.
ga980217 -- - Hot chocolate? - Is it any wonder I keep him around?
ga980218 -- zzzzzzz Know why cats love sliding on ice? - SSSSHHHHHHH - Built-in chains.
ga980219 -- Garfield! - Why is there a snowman in my bed?! - Why, it must be his nap time.
ga980220 -- - pat pat pat - Z
ga980221 -- I'm very sorry. sir. Please apologize to little Timmy for me. It won't happen again. - Oh, Garfield. - About your hobby...
ga980222 -- pat pat pat - Hmmm... - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - Can we talk? - Can we talk?
ga980223 -- * DING DONG Time for the mail. SPLOT - GARFIELD! Would you like to sign for that, sir?
ga980224 -- pat pat Poor Garfield. He doesn't stand a chance against me. - For *I* have the element of surprise. - He'll never know what hit him.
ga980225 -- You throw that snowball at me, and you can kiss this dinner goodbye. - - KISS
ga980226 -- - SHOONK - GAAAAHHHHHHH Two olives, a carrot, an ice cube tray, a little snow, and it's fun time.
ga980227 -- Very cute. What do you call it? - SPLOT - A clever ruse.
ga980228 -- I give up! YOu win the snowball fight! - I'm no match for you...let's stop this right now! Okay. * TWANG - Just give me a minutes to unhook my booby traps. SPLOT SPLOT SPLOT SPLOT SPLOT YAAAH!
ga980301 -- - - STOMP - weeeeeeeeeee - - weeeeeeeeeee -
ga980302 -- Z - SLURRRP! - Are you getting up this morning, Garfield? Wake me up when dogs are extinct.
ga980303 -- I'm going to commune with nature. - Fine. - I'll stay in and commune with the throw rug.
ga980304 -- Ha! Ha! Look at those floppy ears! - Look at those droopy jowls! - And look at that reach.
ga980305 -- Stop me if you've heard this one. - An ostrich walks up to a farmhouse with a monkey under his wing... - Heard it.
ga980306 -- Big date tonight, Garfield. - RIP! RIP! It must be. - He's using the "good" magazine cologne samples. pat pat
ga980307 -- Nobody understands me. - You're a selfish pig. - But, what do I know?
ga980308 -- - - RIIINNG * - Hello, Jon? It's Lisa. - What time are you picking me up tonight? - BUURRP - * ...got a date with an angel... Not anymore.
ga980309 -- You should learn to appreciate the beauty of the great outdoors. - Good idea. - Put the skylight there.
ga980310 -- I'll go out and work hard, while you just lie there and do nothing. - - I'm being sarcastic. But that doesn't mean it's not a good idea!
ga980311 -- I'm thinking about going off to seek adventure! - Or maybe adventure can come here. - I hope it calls first instead of just popping in.
ga980312 -- I just thought of something for us to do. - SMACK - I just thought of something for me to do.
ga980313 -- Garfield, there's a mouse in the kitchen. Tell him to bring me a sandwich. - Well? - Garfield, you're fired! And hold the mayo.
ga980314 -- I ate so much I can't move. - - Which is the only reason I stopeed eating.
ga980315 -- - - - - - - Glacier impression.
ga980316 -- GARFIELD! - What do you call this?! - I call that "backscratcher avec cat hair".
ga980317 -- Do you want to go for a walk, Odie? - Do you? Yip! Yip! Do you, huh?! Yip! - Well, don't be gone long.
ga980318 -- - - I started without you.
ga980319 -- Guess your weight? Sure. - You're fat. - Now step on and we'll see if I'm right. Hm...two insults for the price of one.
ga980320 -- Here comes the ferocious cat! - muss muss muss muss muss - * DINGDONG His date is here and I hid his comb!
ga980321 -- I know Garfield! - I'll stuff my mouth full of bananas... - Then you tickle me! We are the bored.
ga980322 -- - bzzzzzzz - EEEEEEYAAAHHH - SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SMACK WHOP SMASH KSSSHHH - bzzzz - EEEYAAAAHHHH - SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH KSS SMASH CRASH! CRUNCH Obsessive behavior is not a pretty thing.
ga980323 -- * DING DONG - ? - Why didn't I think of that sooner?
ga980324 -- - - pant pant pant zzzzzzzz
ga980325 -- I'll lure that fly closer by putting on this mask. - Here, fly. - SWAT - Bad dog!
ga980326 -- So, you want a housefly bumped off? Let's talk... - I work alone and my take is fifty percent. - Do it quickly and you can have the whole fly. Hey, Guido likes what Guido hears!
ga980327 -- Whatever happened to that annoying fly? - BURP - Excuse me. Ask question, get answer.
ga980328 -- SWAT! - - bloop
ga980329 -- - Hi, cat! Hi, tree. - How about a climb up the new, improved me? How so? - It's spring! I have al new bark... Uh-huh. - All new branches...all new leaves... Uh-huh...uh-huh. - All new baby bird nests... - And the same old lies. HEY!
ga980330 -- Here's something you never stop to think about... - Do you realize that one-seventh of your life is spent on monday? - Ptooey! Now the inside of my outh is all black! Newsprint will do that.
ga980311 -- I owe Odie an apology. - PUSH CRASH! - Now I owe him two.
ga980401 -- Somebody put dish detergent in the mouthwash bottle. - You wouldn't know anything about this, would you? Whoa... - Well?! I can see myself in your teeth.
ga980402 -- - Iced ketchup isn't so bad. - I think we've put off shopping just a little too long, haven't we?
ga980403 -- Well, it's friday night and I have places to go! - I'm not here! - I'm off doing something exciting! Try hiding behind the curtains. That will fool me.
ga980404 -- Ah! The first flower of spring! - GULP! - Now let's find that first robin.
ga980405 -- Okay...make it good. - HELLLLP! ROWWRRR! - SCREEEEE - There's no escaping this time, mouse! - BRAVO! - Thank yew Thank yew Too much, really.
ga980406 -- Cats are mysterious creatures. - - Years ago, somebody lost the operator's manual.
ga980407 -- I only shed one hair this afternoon. - - But I had a busy morning.
ga980408 -- - Oh, no! - I'M using the cat brush! Gee, I don't yell when I use his toothbrush.
ga980409 -- Look at that cat hair! - What are YOU upset about? - I'M the one it seems to be following.
ga980410 -- You look full, Garfield. - You must have been out hunting. - Out there stalking your prey. I slashed the tires on a donut truck.
ga980411 -- How's it going? Oh, great! - You broke my concentration! - Now I'll have to start shedding all over again!
ga980412 -- - Breakfast! - - - - - Lunch. Yawn. scratch scratch
ga980413 -- BRRIIIINNG - SMASH! - I hate mornings. I'm not too crazy about 'em, either.
ga980414 -- Could you possibly be more annoying? - - I had to ask.
ga980415 -- Hey, fatso, you're standing in my light! - Move it, blubber-bottom...NOW! - Smatter, are you fat AND deaf?! Yeees, it's stomping time.
ga980416 -- Where's my pie?! - That's the fifth one this week! - Hey, there's a tunnel down here! Rats.
ga980417 -- You're breaking our date? But I already have a reservation at "Hank's House o' Heifers". - Sure...I understand. - No, Garfield.
ga980418 -- It takes a skill to properly eat an ice cream cone. - It takes balance. - And good cone-to-mouth coordination. I can't see!
ga980419 -- - Hey, big, orange, and ugly! I'm not afaid of you! - SMACK! - What're you trying to do....tickle me?! - SMACK SMACK SMACK - ....is that the best you can do, tubbo?! - SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK - Herb, are you okay?! Say something! - That
ga980419 -- assertiveness training seminar was a REAL stupid idea.
ga980420 -- I cut my finger on your cat food can. - It was awful. I bled a lot, and I nearly fainted. - But you got the can open, right?
ga980421 -- I'm not cutting my fingers on cat food cans anymore! - Drom now on it's cat food in a BAG! - OW! Paper cut.
ga980422 -- I had this shirt on inside out all day, but nobody noticed. - Jon, I'm sure everybody noticed. pat pat - Nobody CARED.
ga980423 -- Did you push my bed out the window?! - Sorry. - I didn't mean to wake you.
ga980424 -- SLASH! - -
ga980425 -- I had an ice cream cone today. - - Not long enough to eat it, of course! Get over it.
ga980426 -- Yes, Garfield... - Somewhere out there is the girl for me! - - - - - I get the point!
ga980427 -- - I have both arms in the same sleeve. - I think it's best to keep walking.
ga980428 -- One thing wrong with dogs: YIP! YIP! YIP! - YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! - No on/off switch. YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP!
ga980429 -- I can't BELIEVE how terrible this dinner tastes! - GULP! - Nice try.
ga980430 -- - Don't you dare eat me! - Nobody /burp) likes a pushy guppy.
ga980501 -- TWANG! THOT! - Ha! Missed again! That's four! - Now it's my turn to be William Tell. Ahhhh, friday night.
ga980502 -- plip - bzzzzzzzz - Fly paper.
ga980503 -- bip beep boop - Hi, Ann? It's Jon Arbuckle. - Remember me from high school? We were in math an english together, - Uh, yes, I was the one who used to run down the halls screaming, "Ann, Ann, She's A MAn". - Well...I was wondering if you'd
ga980503 -- like to go out with me.... - CLICK - Boy, talk about holding a grudge. I'd knock her down from four "Hubba-Hubbas" to three.
ga980504 -- This is my new college intern, Biff. - - Is there something I should be doing? You've got a lot to learn about being a cat, Biff.
ga980505 -- Okay, college intern Biff, do you know what a cat is supposed to do with a ball of yarn? - Knit a sweater and sell it to buy food? - Wow, and I was just guessing. I'm starting to like this kid.
ga980506 -- Remember, Biff, a cat can't do too little. - - I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Attaboy.
ga980507 -- What should I do now, sir? Go practice your menacing glare. - I'll get right on it, sir. You do that. - Who are you, and what do you want? Fear me, sir.
ga980508 -- Ah, the fragile fluorescent butterfly... - What can be said about the beautiful butterfly? - Tastes like chicken?
ga980509 -- I'm expecting an important call. - - Dinner! Bingo!
ga980510 -- Okay, how many cards? Three. - ...and the dealer takes one. - I'll be two... - - - Call, and raise. - I'll yell at him after he stops winning.
ga980511 -- schlurp - ZOING - Just how many scoops did you use?! Scoops?
ga980512 -- Thanks for the use of your pen. - Too bad it ran out of ink. -
ga980513 -- One minute I'm freezing, the next I'm burning up. - I think I'll go lie down. - Fun with the thermostat.
ga980514 -- What happened to that last piece of pie I was saving? - - You're cute when you're stupid. pat pat
ga980515 -- Well, it's friday night and Jon doesn't have a date. Know why? - Do there wax lips make me look sexier? - Duh...
ga980516 -- Nothing lasts forever. - - Except whatever is in the back of the refrigerator.
ga980517 -- I hear footsteps. - Here comes the cat. - Hey, fatso! We're not afraid of you! We've got you outnumbered! - United we stand! Right, pal? - bzzzzzzzing! Pal? - SMACK! - You all right? Go fly into a windshield.
ga980518 -- Garfield, all you think about is food. - Me, I'm reading a book. - "Moby Dick". We're out of Tartar Sauce.
ga980519 -- I don't want to be disturbed. - You got it. - I'll stand lookout.
ga980520 -- The ghost crept closer and closer... - Suddenly, it...GRABBED HIM! - AIEEE! That part always scares him.
ga980521 -- This book is about a very brave man. - He can't be braver than you, Jon. - My dinner is five minutes late.
ga980522 -- This was our annual school pageant. - "A salute to area livestock growers". - I was the happy pig boy. He tells people these things.
ga980523 -- Here's a cat who can predict earthquakes. - Why can't you do something like that? - I once slept through an earthquake.
ga980524 -- shuffle shuffle shuffle - shuffle shuffle shuffle - shuffle shuffle shuffle - ZZZT - Hee hee hee. - shuffle shuffle shuffle - STOMP
ga980525 -- RING! - Whew! There's nothing worse than waking up from a bad dream. - RIINNG Unless it's waking up to a bad reality.
ga980526 -- - - The tail bone's connected to the face bone.
ga980527 -- - You know, Garfield...I'm not your butler. I know. - Butlers get paid.
ga980528 -- BARK BARK BARK BARK - Is that all you can do? - * A little black dog sat on the porch and Bingo was his name... * If I let him bite me, maybe he'll quit.
ga980529 -- Hiya, fatboy! - STOMP! - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Hiya, lefty.
ga980530 -- I'm going to climb up on the roof to replace a shingle. - Wanna help? Sure. - I'll call the ambulance.
ga980531 -- clac clac clac - - Ah. - AH - AH! - - chew chew chew
ga980601 -- On with the show! - - Off with the show!
ga980602 -- You're my kind of crowd! - - One with a lousy aim!
ga980603 -- Are there any requests? - Yeah, hit yourself in the face with a brick! - Any requests from a non-dog?
ga980604 -- Hey, you're a beautiful crowd! I love ya. I mean it. - - Oh. There you are.
ga980605 -- The audience is gazing upon me with rapt attention! - Z Z Z Z Z Z Z - Or sleeping with their eyes open.
ga980606 -- Thanks for coming! - You've been a great crowd! - Didn't wake up one.
ga980607 -- Hear ye, knave! - Grovel before the Mighty Rubber Chicken! - Get lost! You have offended the chicken! - I'm gonna burn that thing. His fate is sealed! - Know the wrath of the chicken! - WHACK! - May I see that? The Mighty Chicken senses
ga980607 -- hostility!
ga980608 -- You look cheerful this morning. I do? - That's weird...I'm in a TERRIBLE mood... - C'mon face...get with the program!
ga980609 -- BEWARE OF THE SHAGGY DOG - Ha! Ha! Ha! You look like a big, stupid mop! - That IS a big, stupid mop.
ga980610 -- I'm going to close my eyes, when I open them, I don't want to see your ugly face. - - If I laugh, I'll only encourage him...
ga980611 -- Do you know what my dinner could use? - More cat hair? - Less cat hair! I figured it was one or the other.
ga980612 -- I heard you've got a birthday coming up, cat. Yep. Number twenty. - - Want me to cut that up for you?
ga980613 -- So you're gonna be twenty? I don't want to talk about it. - Have you tried denial? What's so great about denial? - Cheaper than wrinkle cream, pal. Go away.
ga980614 -- - - - - All right! You don't have to remind me! - I know I have a birthday coming!
ga980615 -- You look down, cat. My birthday is coming up, scale. - How many years? Twenty. - Wow. Old AND fat.
ga980616 -- Oh, great...just who I DON'T need to see. Why? - If you must know, I'm having a birtday soon. I thought it smelled "old" in here. - Where's Nermal? Out getting some fresh air.
ga980617 -- You have to calm down, Garfield. You're obsessed with getting older. - poink! - A GREY HAIR! Welcome, brother. We've been expecting you.
ga980618 -- Happy, birthday, cat! Here's your present. - - I wrapped it myself. So I see.
ga980619 -- Well, it's time to look back, and take stock... - Time to count my blessings... - Happy 20th birthday, Garfield! Time to start lying about my age.
ga980620 -- BEWARE OF THE DOG - - OUT OF ORDER
ga980621 -- - This is a dull day. - WHO'S READY TO HAVE FUN? - WE COULD SORT LAUNDRY! - CLEAN OUT THAT AREA UNDER THE SINK! - MAYBE EVEN TIE OLD NEWSPAPERS INTO A BUNDLE! - And there's a lot to be said for dull.
ga980622 -- I made your coffee the way you like it. Hang on. - - Okay, pour away.
ga980623 -- KICK! - qssssshhhhhhh - Decoy. sssssss
ga980624 -- I've been working to improve my memory. So, how's it going? - - I've been working to improve my memory. So, how's it going?
ga980625 -- Today's the big, Garfield... - Today we change the light bulb in the refrigerator! - I'm masking my indifference with a veneer of detachment.
ga980626 -- * RIIINNG - May I speak to the moron of the house? - Could you be more specific?
ga980627 -- Even though I'm not very hungry, I guess I ought to eat a little something. - CHOMP CHOMP GOBBLE SNARF GULP GULP GULP chomp - Burp...just to keep up my strength.
ga980628 -- - - BOOT! - pssshhhh - - BOOT! - - Uh, Garfield?
ga980629 -- click click click click click Rats! The channel changing button is stuck! - click click click click click - click click click click click sAAaaay....
ga980630 -- The All-Cat Channel presents "The Budget Chef"! - Today: How to make your rat last a whole week! - That stew has whiskers. And only three grams of fat!
ga980701 -- The All-Cat Channel presents "The Piece of Dangling String Show"! - -
ga980702 -- Here, a pride of lions prepare to gorge themselves. - They roar in triumph over their prey. - Now we see them pass out linen napkins and finger bowls. Sissies!
ga980703 -- Oh, Cecile, my darling...I love you Madl-Mad-MAAAAAACCK! - And I love you, Reginald! With all my hear...hear-HAAAARRRK! - HAAAACK! HAAARRK! Hairball theatre.
ga980704 -- click . "CLICK" YOURSELF! - How was TV tonight? Touchy.
ga980705 -- - Walking against the wind. - Trapped in a box. - Leaning against nothing. - Oh, Garfield. Yes? Have you seen my New Mongolian mime fish? - I caught his dinner show. You have rogue on your teeth.
ga980706 -- - THUD - Too lazy to walk around me, right? You'll move one of these days.
ga980707 -- - Cat in the WASTEBASKET! - That game doesn't last very long, but it IS fun!
ga980708 -- Need any help? - Thanks, Jon. - Now I'll finish in half the time.
ga980709 -- I'm taking Odie for a walk. - - Couldn't find a leash.
ga980710 -- Why do you have a tail? - Jon, Jon, Jon. - It keeps me from tipping over.
ga980711 -- You know what I could use? - Three gallons of strawberry macadamia nut ice cream? - Some time alone. More for me.
ga980712 -- - STOP! - Don't come any closer, or I'll jump! Don't do it, Huey! You have so much to live for! - It's me, your wife Greta...and your forteen seedlings! NYEH... - Your mom and dad are here, too, along with your minister and the entire church
ga980712 -- choir... EHHH - And all 32 of your brothers and sisters! ...even your old great-aunt rose is here, all the way from- AHH - CHOOO - Boy, if that weren't so silly, it would be pretty tragic. sniff
ga980713 -- Life has its ups and downs. - - I have ups! I didn't say anything.
ga980714 -- chew chew chew chew chew - chew chew chew chew chew chew - Will you swallow?! Only if there's more food. chew chew chew chew chew
ga980715 -- Odie is going to bury his bone! - Odie, Odie, Odie...
ga980716 -- My back itches. - SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT - Better? A little more to the left.
ga980717 -- Jon told me not to overdo it today. - By the waa, I was being sarcastic. - Too late. Once my not overdoing momentum's built up, it's hard to stop.
ga980718 -- I read to improve my mind. - - More ooks! I need more books! Are you trying to tell me something?
ga980719 -- - - - - - Musta been that bad can of tuna last night.
ga980720 -- I can't seem to get anything done lately. Me neither. - No matter how hard I try. - What a concept!
ga980721 -- You have a few character flaws, Garfield. - Why thank you, Jon. - One of them is thinking insults are compliments. WHOA! Thanks again!
ga980722 -- Don't bother me while I'm reading. - - You know you didn't mean that.
ga980723 -- - - We need more starch.
ga980724 -- Zero. - Still zero. - How are the sit-ups going? Darn! You made me lose count!
ga980725 -- It's kick-Odie-across-the-room day! - BOOT! - Also known in some cultures as "saturday".
ga980726 -- Drive thru! Drive thru! I see it, I see it. - May I help you? - Two Happy Burgers and two fries, please. - Would you like a Happy Burger today? - Yes, I want two Happy Burgers. Any fries with that? - Yes, two fries! O.KK, how about some Happy
ga980726 -- Burgers? - Ain't technology great? TWO BURGERS! TWO FRIES! May I help you?
ga980727 -- I wonder what's going to happen to me THIS monday? - THUD - Cool! A sinkhole, right here in the kitchen.
ga980728 -- I like to think of myself as a macho guy. - Good for you! - I like to think of myself as skinny.
ga980729 -- - GARFIELD! - I don't recall you applying for a permit to build a bay window...
ga980730 -- Garfield, get the paper please. - Herman Stinks! - You need to have a word with that mouse across the street.
ga980731 -- Do you know what I'm going to do to impress my date tonight, Garfield? WAIT! - glug glug - Didn't want it to come squirting out of my nose.
ga980801 -- BURP - - When did we last have kielbasa?
ga980802 -- Stay tuned! click - And now... click - Coming up next... click - Presenting... click - Here's... click - Welcome to... click - Anything good on? click How should I know?
ga980803 -- ...and so life in Happy Meadow returned to normal for everyone. - Except for Larry the Squirrel. - Who was eaten by the cat. I love a happy ending!
ga980804 -- This soup lacks something. - Hmmm... - A can opener?
ga980805 -- I've made a few mistakes in my life. - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! - Like looking to you for sympathy, for instance.
ga980806 -- Strange. - This is a picture of me taken when I was considering a career in medical research. - That explains the white rat suit.
ga980807 -- You can't intimidate me, Garfield. - No matter how hard you try. - And, I'm guessing you aren't trying really hard.
ga980808 -- Welcome to the show! - ZIP thud! - That was our big finish, dummy!
ga980809 -- Sigh - What a nice sunset. - Garfield! Dinner! - snap! snap! No! Forget it! - SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! I said no, and I MEANT no! - SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! ERRRGGHHH - You don't train cats...cats train you. Will
ga980809 -- that be all, sire?
ga980810 -- Remember me? - SMACK! - You do look familiar.
ga980811 -- - BRIIIING - Danny! What happened to you? WHAAAAT?
ga980812 -- - Garfield... Like it? - Bagged him in the bathroom.
ga980813 -- We spiders can grow to be pretty old. - Guess how long I'M gonna live. - C'mon, c'mon... Is this getting easier, or are spiders just getting stupider?
ga980814 -- Spare my life and I'll do anything for you! - Anything? ANYthing! -
ga980815 -- zip - smack! - Good work, Guido. Here's your fly. Hey! The deal was for TWO flies!
ga980816 -- What a beautiful morning! - Who needs shoes on a day like this? - Yesiree, Garfield, there's nothing like the feel of fresh cool gradss on your fee-  Hey! There are ANTS in this grass! Ow! Ow! Owie! Ow! - A garden snake! YAAAAH! - HOT! HOT!
ga980816 -- HOT! HOT! - GAAH! GUM! - Shall we have a moment of silence for this man's dignity?
ga980817 -- As the master of the house, I get to tell you what to do. - Fair enough. - And as the cat of the house, I get to ignore you.
ga980818 -- - munch munch - Salad? Wht am I, a rabbit?
ga980819 -- All right, you caught me...now what? - Uh, I don't remember. We could sing a song. - MEOW ** MEYOW SQUEEK SQUEEK * ** I don't even want to know.
ga980820 -- Fido, here's your final "Pet Quiz" question. - How much is one plus one? woof, woof... - Woof? Dogs?
ga980821 -- Hello, Susan, would you like to go to a movie? - Well then how about just getting married? - I hope you won't scream like that in front of the kids. He's scaring ME.
ga980822 -- It's wonder dog! Flying through the air... - Searching out evil wherev... SMACK! - Hard to do from the windshield of a 747. Turn the wipers on, Doug.
ga980823 -- Okay, I'll bite. - So why do you want to go to the north pole, Garfield? - Birds. flap flap flap flap flap - ZIP - In tuxedos. - PUNT - Who can't fly. I'll make the reservations.
ga980824 -- Ha! - I'll bet my day was more boring than yours! - Sure, you had to spend it with YOU.
ga980825 -- Do you know what words I live by? - I give up. - Well, am I right?
ga980826 -- You know, Garfield... - I believe you've stopped shedding. - Yo! Jon! Over here!
ga980827 -- Ha, ha, ha. Stop it, you're killing me. - Ha, ha, ha. That's a good one. - Are you ready to hear my joke? Hang on. Ha, ha, ha.
ga980828 -- Do you think it's warm enough for these shorts? - Let me put this as delicately as I can, Jon. - If we were on the surface of the SUN it wouldn't be warm enough for those shorts.
ga980829 -- Okay, how about the saturday after that? How about the saturday after that? - How about the saturday after that? How about the saturday after that? tap tap - Yes? Earth to Jon...
ga980830 -- ffft - ROWR WOOF! - Woof? - Arf? ...ruff? - Bow-wow? Yip? - Rowf? Roof? Dumb dog. - BARK!
ga980831 -- I'm in a bad mood, and the world will have to suffer the consequences. - - I think the world is hiding.
ga980901 -- Question, Garfield. Shoot. - Did you take my butterscotch flounder souffle? Nope. - I just borrowed it.
ga980902 -- Nothing brightens a room better than flowers. - - Have you tried turning on the light?
ga980903 -- I wish I had a motto. - That's it! - "I wish I had a motto". Catchy.
ga980904 -- Don't throw that brick at me. No problem. - And don't drop it on my foot. NOW we have a problem.
ga980905 -- I worked hard all day and now I'm tired. - Poor Jon. - You know, it's possible to get tired without all that hard work.
ga980906 -- - - - - - - ALL RIGHT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! At the moment, making you nuts.
ga980907 -- Just look at you. - Life is passing you by, Garfield. - Make sure it shuts the door on the way out.
ga980908 -- - FIRE! -
ga980909 -- Every cat has two sides...lazy and spunky. - - Sadly, "spunky" is no longer with us.
ga980910 -- You haven't moved for hours. - At least give me a sign that you're still breathing. - Z
ga980911 -- Garfield, why don't you get up and do something?! - YAAHH! - Don't ever do that again! I can't win.
ga980912 -- squeek squeek - - I get it! Ha, ha, ha!
ga980913 -- Hey, you! - Yes? I'm "Jitters" the coffee bean! - This has to be a bad dream. This is what you get for drinking coffee before bed! - Woo! Woo! Woo! Pretty scary, huh? Uh...yeah. - Why don't you just percolate on along now? Oh, a wise guy,
ga980913 -- huh?! - O.K. Mugsy, rough him up a little! Mugsy? - You want a piece of this?! Huh? Huh?! C'mon! From now on it's a glass of warm milk before bed for me. Carlotta the crazy cow! That's your cue!
ga980914 -- I have something for you, Garfield. - It's the Golden Slop Through Award! - Congratulations. I'd like to thank all the little slobs.
ga980915 -- Odie was chasing his tail. - * - Now he's trying to lull it into a false sense of security.
ga980916 -- I've just been talking to this tree stump. - It's better company than you are. - You two have more in common.
ga980917 -- I'm wearing a new cologne, Garfield. - It's called "Canadian Love Call". - They say it really, really works. But, did you read the fine print?
ga980918 -- I think I'll take a walk. Me too. - - Well, let's go. I thought we were just thinking it.
ga980919 -- No, I understand...get well soon. - Ever girl I've asked out is sick. - What a coincidence. The lights are on, but nobody's home.
ga980920 -- Where is he? - Gaaar-field! - - GARFIELD! - - GAAR-FIELD! - Do I hear a "pleeeeease"? pant pant pant
ga980921 -- I'm going out into the woods to commune with nature! - Are you coming along? That won't be necessary. - I'm sending nature a postcard.
ga980922 -- Would you like to go on a nature hike? - - Couldn't we get flowered wallpaper instead?
ga980923 -- Garfield, we're going outside. No way. - We'll walk in the woods. I SAID I'm not going. - We're going bird watching. I'll get my dart gun.
ga980924 -- Hello, good-looking. - She called me good-looking! - Hello, good-looking. Now she's talking to a tree.
ga980925 -- Look over there, Jon! - As you can see, there are cats much fatter than I am. - Oink. I'm sure he meant to say "meow".
ga980926 -- You can't improve on nature. - You're right, Jon. - Unless we put a hot dog stand right over there.
ga980927 -- - - - Uh, Garfield... Uh-oh, he suspects something. - Quick, do something cat-like and endearing to distract him. - pssst pssst - MEYOOO I still smell meatloaf.
ga980928 -- - "My Owner's A Dork"? - That has better be a TEMPORARY tattoo!
ga980929 -- Boys, I think it's time for a hug. - - That's the way.
ga980930 -- Sigh... - - Only Jon would carry around the picture of the girl that came with the wallet.
ga981001 -- I'm contemplating my place in the universe. - - May I use that line next time I'M goofing off?
ga981002 -- You don't want to go out tonight? - How about I come over and serenade you? - I thought bazookas were illegal. Aim for the banjo, lady!
ga981003 -- Good night, alarm clock! - I'll see you in the morning! - Me and Mr. Mallet I'll be sleeping in.
ga981004 -- - - SMACK! - - - - The simple pleasures are the best ones.
ga981005 -- Chase that mouse! - Jon wants me to chase you. Tough. - Well?! How do I get into these things? Tell him mice have rights! smack!
ga981006 -- veeeeeeee - ....gggrrrrrrr - How come WE don't have an electric coffee grinder?!
ga981007 -- An invisible mouse! - - Cats are so strange. You said it, pal.
ga981008 -- nok nok Mouse...you home? - Yeah, I'm down in the cellar. Cellar? -
ga981009 -- Wow. Yeah. - What a view! Sir, would you mind? Sigh - click
ga981010 -- There's no peace around here. - You wake up from a nice nap. - And somebody's teased your tail. hee hee hee
ga981011 -- - - - - - - I'm giving the bride away. GARFIELD!
ga981012 -- Let's have som efun! - - Any ideas? Oh, I thought this was it.
ga981013 -- Odie, you shouldn't stand so near the edge! - PUSH - You'll be much safer down there.
ga981014 -- RING! - Hello? No, this isn't Zontar, King of the Pig People. - Strange call. No time to visit. I'm headed to my lodge meeting.
ga981015 -- I got a letter form my brother. - It's in secret code, just like when we were kids. What's it say? - "Whoever reads this is a poo-poo head". They've come so far.
ga981016 -- I now have an answering machine, an E-Mail address... - ...a cel phone, AND a pager... - For anyone who wants me. Jon, there's a fatal flaw in you premise, here.
ga981017 -- If you wad up a whole bunch of donuts into one clump, it's like you're not having very many! - - Jon, can you help me pick this up?
ga981018 -- - How was your day, Jon? - I removed this thread from my car seat. - ...and the entire car collapsed in a heap. - My teeth caught fire while I was brishing them this moring. - The elecric comapny called. Even though I paid the bill, they're
ga981018 -- going to shut off our power, just for the heck of it. - Same old, same old, huh?
ga981019 -- Someday, instead of just sitting there... - You'll all be interacting with your televisions! - Who came up with that stupid idea?
ga981020 -- The All-Cat Channel presents "Cooking with Catnip". - And now your host, chef Fluffy - WHOOO-PEEE! I think Chef Fluffy's been raiding the ol' pantry.
ga981021 -- Welcome to "Moo Like Fred". - Moo moo moo moo click You gotta be kidding! - Welcome to "Cluck like Chuck".
ga981022 -- The All-Cat News Channel presents... - Tonight's round table debate... - "Liver or Tuna?" Ooo, this could get ugly.
ga982023 -- What an awful show. - Why in the world did we watch that? - Because we couldn't reach the remote.
ga981024 -- You think you're so big and bad...that remote control doesn't scare me! - Oh, yeah? Well, then how about... - This?! A BOOK! YAAAHHH!
ga981025 -- sweep sweep sweep - - sweep sweep - sweep sweep sweep - sweep sweep - STOMP - Oh, where's the compassion?! You want compassion? Rent "Bambi"!
ga981026 -- Welcome, spider, to my humble home. Why, thank you! - kick back and relax, my friend. Hey! You're not the big fat jerk the other spiders say you are! - Oh, and sign our guest book. WHAP
ga981027 -- Nothing exciting ever happens to me. - SMACK - Not that that's a bad thing.
ga981028 -- Let's be friends! Okay. - SMACK! - That's how I treat my friends, pal.
ga981029 -- Boo! - YAAAHH! - Where's my fly? I owe you.
ga981030 -- I'm back! - SMACK! - Did you mis sme? Believe it or not, no.
ga981031 -- - - Somebody close that window!
ga981101 -- hic hic hic hic - hic hic hic hic hic hic - HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC hic HIC hic HIC HIC HIC HIC hic - Whew... - - hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic
ga981101 -- hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic
ga981101 -- hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic - Sure.
ga981102 -- hic hic hic hic hic hic - HICCITTY HICCITTY HICEY-HICKEY HUC-HUC HUC HUC ICCITTY HUC HUC HUC HUC ICCITTY - Freestyle hiccupping.
ga981103 -- They say scaring a person cures the hiccups. hic hic hic hic - BOO! - HIC
ga981104 -- I'm sick of these hiccups...I wish they'd just disappear. hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic - - I'm sick of this dog...
ga981105 -- I wonder if getting a tattoo would make me more macho? - A tattoo? - Aren't you the guy who screams when he clips his toenails?
ga981106 -- Dull, dull, dull. - This isn't a hat! It's a beehive! - Weird, weird, weird.
ga981107 -- My date hit me on the head with her purse. - Not hard, though. - And it was sort of a glancing blow... Do I hear wedding bells?
ga981108 -- - Are we there yet, papa? Fleas! - There it is, my friends...the big cat. - It is a stable land...the beast seldom moves. - We will settle here, build our homes and raise our young. - We will plant crops. We ill sing and dance! - We will
ga981108 -- start a volunteer fire department! Spray me quick.
ga981109 -- Second, third, fourth... Cute, cute, cute... - Fifth, sixth... Cute, cute... - Seventh grade... WHOA!
ga981110 -- That's Mary and Denny and me. - They were elected king and queen of the prom. - I was the court jester. Sir Dweeb.
ga981111 -- Lorna Grubsky, my school sweetheart. - Her parents ended our relationship. - They said I would grow up to be dull. The Grubskys were prophets.
ga981112 -- Looking at this old photo album sure makes me nostalgic, Garfield. - Sigh. - I'll call her "Cousin Suzy". I hate it when he goes to rummage sales.
ga981113 -- See the cow. - See the cow being milked. - Now what have you learned? Steak comes with a free beverage?
ga981114 -- I wonder if time travel will ever be possible. - I hope so. - Then I'll be able to come back and avoid this conversation.
ga981115 -- - Hey, cat! You'd better watch your step tonight! - I brought along my buddy, Ricky Roach! You mess with me, and you'll have to answer to the rickster, here. - click - skitter skitter skitter ZING! - STOMP! - Sorry, the light hurts my eyes.
ga981115 -- Come closer, and I'll hurt the rest of you.
ga981116 -- I feel creative today. - Yup, I feel the need to express myself. - But I can't do that now, can I?! I ate his paste.
ga981117 -- - - It's "National Pretend-You're-Not-Stupid Day".
ga981118 -- When Jon has a bad hair day, he wears a hat. - - Must be having a bad FACE day.
ga981119 -- We should be thankful for this meal. - - Some of us should, anyway.
ga981120 -- Must you watch while I eat? You call that eating?! - Your chewing rhythm is way out of sync! - Go away. No, no! The fork angle is all wrong!
ga981121 -- Garfield, it's not fair that I sit here tonight... - And out there are thousands of women... - Who will never know the thrill of my company. Unfair yet merciful.
ga981122 -- - - I'm going to the kitchen. Want me to bring you anything? Uh...no thanks. - sklish sklish sklish - BURP sklish sklish - sklish sklish - I think I just had an out-of-stomach experience. Hey! Where's the olive loaf?!
ga981123 -- Hello, scale. Greetings, you chubbiness! - It's that time of year again. Time to rotate your cellulite? - Time to change your batteries. Hey there, Skinny!
ga981124 -- AWWWWWWWWWW - WWWWWWWWWW ? - WWWWWWWWWWW
ga981125 -- Weight? Sure. - Fat. Rats. - Same ol' Same ol'
ga981126 -- - STOMP! - Ow, and ick.
ga981127 -- AIE-YI-YI! - WHOO-EEE! - WHOA, MOMMA! Get me a hammer.
ga981128 -- Shields are down forty percent, captain! - Hull breach on decks four and five! - I hate you. Man the escape pods...I repeat...
ga981129 -- Oh, no... bzzzzz - zzzzzz Land. - zzzzzz Land, land, land, land... - Land, land, land, land, land, land, land, land... - zzzt - Cough zzzzz -
ga981130 -- Cats are mysterious creatures. - squeak squeak - And scary.
ga981201 -- Odie is on the trail of whoever stole his food. - - I've been expecting you.
ga981202 -- MEYARRRRP! - Cats can make some very strange sounds. - Combination meow, yawn and burp!
ga981203 -- ? - Christmas is coming. -
ga981204 -- Dear Santa, I am writing this for my cat. - He would like you to bring him ten thousand pizzas. Anything else? - And an antacid table.
ga981205 -- - You ate the ENTIRE BOWL of hard candy?! - rattle rattle rattle.
ga981206 -- ? - Okay, here we go....aaannnd... - CRAAASH! - Okay, okay, I know what I did wrong...let's try that again... - WHUMP! KSSSHH! - All right, wise guy...you're gonna stand up or else!! - FUMP CRASH! AAARRRGGHH Christmas tree: 3 Jon: 0
ga981207 -- Merry Christmas, son. Love, mom and dad. - And the cow, and the chicken, and the horse... - ...and the pig, and the other cow... Wake me when you get past the bull.
ga981208 -- slam! - That gift-wrapping girl down at the mall sure was cute. Did you talk to her? - He talked to her.
ga981209 -- Merry Christmas, you cappucino-sippin', biscotti-munchin'.... - soft-bellied, city-boy sissy. - Love, Doc Boy. Nothin' like a brother.
ga981210 -- And now back to "Bartholomew, the Centipede Who Saved Christmas". - ** - That is A LOT of snowshoes.
ga981211 -- Sigh... - I just can't seem to get into the holiday mood. - I did it again. NOW I feel Christmasy.
ga981212 -- Rats! THUNK OW! K-K-K-K-K WOOAAHH - CRAAASSSHH! tinkle tinkle tinkle - Decorating has begun. ZZZT! YAAHH!
ga981213 -- - Almost done decorating, boys. - All that's left is to put on the star. - - AAAAA!! - What happened to the top of the tree?! -
ga981214 -- The lights are up! - The switch is thrown! - The fuse is blown. And the tradition lives on.
ga981215 -- I saw a real cute girl at the mall standing under mistletoe, so I kissed her. - But it was a mannequin. - Did you know their heads pop right off. So, are you seeing her again?
ga981216 -- So, spider, do you have a Santa Claus too? Oh, sure. Just like yours. - He rides in a sleigh pulled by eight tiny houseflies. Who makes his toys? - Gnats. Should've guessed.
ga981217 -- Hel-LO, Patti....it's Jon Arbuckle, the guy of your dreams. - And what would YOU like for Christmas? - An unlisted phone number, you say. Ho, ho, ow.
ga981218 -- What is it about Christmas that fills my heart so? - Is it the lights, the presents, the smiles on the faces of little children, the feeling of good will that fills the air?... - Yeah...definitely the presents.
ga981219 -- * Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells... - You're flat. No, I'm not. - Yes, you are.
ga981220 -- Ahhh... - I love this time of year. - A wondrous eason for young and old alike... - A special time of year when all observer: - Peace on earth... - ROWR - And good will toward men.
ga981221 -- Okay, Garfield. - I'll put your presnet under the tree if you promise not to peek You have my solemn vow. - By the way, what's with the drill? What drill?
ga981222 -- If you peek at your present, I'll tell Santa. - - And he's already not too happy with you for eating his milk and cookies last year. You HAD to bring that up, didn't you?!
ga981223 .. I'm resisting... I'm resisting... I'm resisting... - Oh, who am I kidding? -
ga981224 -- Did you leave milk and cookies out for Santa? Get real, Jon. - A big fat guy who's driving all night doesn't want milk and cookies. - T-bone steak and a pot of coffee?
ga981225 -- - - Merry Christmas!
ga981226 -- I know that sweater mom made for you doesn't fit too tell... - But it's the thought that counts. - That's what scares me.
ga981227 -- - beep bip boop boop bip boop bip - Hi, are you a woman? - ...are you single? - Great! Wanna go out new year's eve?! - *CLICK* - boop bip beep boop bip beep bip Hope springs eternal.
ga981228 -- Sigh...Christmas is over...the presents are unwrapped. - ...the candy is eaten... - ALL of it! Joy to the world.
ga981229 -- Karen, sweetie, howzabout ringing in the new year with jolly JonnyA.? - CLICK Hello? Hello? - Where did I go wrong? The part where you dialed.
ga981230 -- I can't get a date for new year's eve. - I hate to let such a nice corsage go to waste. - BURP It didn't. I smell carnations.
ga981231 -- 5-4-3-2-1... - HAPPY NEW YEAR! going! - It's not official until the spider drops. Hi, mom!
ga990101 -- How was your new yearr's party? I had a blast. - - And how was your microwave popcorn and late-late show? I hate you.
ga990102 -- So the new year's party was a blast, huh? - Sure was. - I saved you some confetti.
ga990103 -- - munch munch munch munch - - - - - ?
ga990104 -- This is one monday that's NOT gonna get me... - Because I'm not getting out of bed! Uh, Garfield... - Why are you sleeping in your sandbox?
ga990105 -- Odie is off on an around-the-world balloon trip! - - Altitude permitting.
ga990106 -- Show me happy, Garfield. - Now show me sad, Garfield. - Forget it. Good, my face was starting to hurt.
ga990107 -- I feel like I have a skinny cat inside me. - - And he's hungry.
ga990108 -- Sigh - There's a very fine line between terminal boredom... - And friday nights around here. - Okay, time to play "Connect the Freckles"!
ga990109 -- Everything I did today went wrong. - Not me! - You didn't do anyhting today, did you? A minor detail.
ga990110 -- - - roll roll roll - PHOOT - bweeeeeeeeen - BWING - * DONG - I'll get the door. You do that. Auntie em! Auntie em!
ga990111 -- Hi, this is Jon Arbuckle. - I'd like to order a large pizza with everything, to be delivered. Thank you. - Now THERE'S a little tape that's gouing to come in handy.
ga990112 -- Three things that can never come quickly enough. - Birthdays, Christmas... - And the pizza delivery guy.
ga990113 -- ** DING-DONG - OH, BABY! - HEEEEELP!!! Drop the pizza and play dead!
ga990114 -- CHOMP! - YAAAHH! - Ha! These hot peppers aren't bad at all. Oh...there are hot peppers?
ga990115 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff  sniff sniff sniff - - Some of us happen to LIKE anchovies, okay?
ga990116 -- Hey, cat, what didja get on your pizza? - BURRRP - Garlic.
ga990117 -- No?... - WHY won't you go out with me, Denise? Give it to me straight... - - - - - Okay, you're trying to tell me something here, aren't you? The dawn breaks.
ga990118 -- Getting up, Garfield? Nah. - I'm just not motivated. - Your blanket's on fire. Yes, but it's a tiny fire.
ga990119 -- - kick - Am I good or what?
ga990120 -- Smile, Jon! - Then you can be like me... - Insincere.
ga990121 -- Hey, Jon, having a bad hair day? - - Happy now? Don't ever do that again.
ga990122 -- I have GOT to meet that girl over there, Garfield. - Hi! Wanny arm-wrestle? - PIG! SLAP! The undisputed king of the opening line.
ga990123 -- Soetimes life is perfect. - - Not MY life, of course. What are you looking at?
ga990124 -- - BARK - All right, you dumb mutt...tha's it! - Get ready for a good pounding! - SWOOSH - SLURRRP! - You didn't see that!
ga990125 -- You're new around here. Just moved in. - Vermin's the name...Herman Vermin! And hey, as long as we're talking here... - What exactly does one take to a hole-warming party?
ga990126 -- click - click - GARFIELD!
ga990127 -- The terrified mouse, in mortal fear for his life, tears across the living room floor... - ...with the mighty hunter in hot pursuit! - Oh, the pulse-pounding thrill of observing nature in the raw.
ga990128 -- Bill...Bill... - "H. Vermin"? - Herman, you really shouldn't give out this address. Hey! I already may be a winner!
ga990129 -- - Well? Do something! - No Loitering *I* could have done that!
ga990130 -- I thought you were after the mouse. - I was. - Then I remembered we had popcorn.
ga990131 -- tick tick tick tick - Wakey, wakey! Stop tormenting me. - Hey, you think it's easy being an alarm clock?! - Sniff...everyone hates me! I feel so alone! - THE WORLD IS SO CRUEL! Sorry...I had no idea. - Snif...I'm all right...just one more
ga990131 -- thing. What? - RIIINNNNG!!! I need explosives.
ga990201 -- NOK-NOK Who is it? Monday. - Come back tomorrow! Sorry, that's my day off. - Howzabout early next week?
ga990202 -- SOMEBODY threw away all of my shirts except this one. I * Cats I didn't do it! I swear! - -
ga990203 -- - Did you see my cheese danish? - Briefly.
ga990204 -- You don't respect me one teensy bit. - Not one eensy.weensy-teensy-weensy bit. - You can stop me anytime, you know. Throw in a few more weensies and I might.
ga990205 -- Any moment, that phone will ring, Garfield. - RING Ha! And it will be a beautiful woman desiring a date! - No, I am NOT plagued by unsightly nose hair. So close.
ga990206 -- I can't stop to visit. - - Well, I can stop, but I don't want to visit.
ga990207 -- - I am Lorenzo Garbanzo. - Many years ago you sent my grandfather to that big web in the sky... - Then you offed pop! - So I, Lorenzo Garbanzo, am here to avenge my ancestors! - SMACK! - Forgive me, grandfather. A proud yet squishy people.
ga990208 -- * RIIING - Hello? I'm back. - He WHAT?!! I'm gone again.
ga990209 -- That was Mrs. Woonduck. - Hmm...Woondick...Woonduck...hmmmm...Woon-duck...hmm...Woonduck...hmm... - You noogied her schnauzer. Oh yeah, the yeller.
ga990210 -- The complaints I get about you! I'm surprised you don't have a criminal record! - - I don't want to know... The food's not as bad as they say.
ga990211 -- Yes, Mrs. Nostrum?...your clothesline? ...uh.huh?... - Your best sheets? ...your chihuahua? ...I'm terribly sorry. It won't happen again... - I'm nailing your pet door shut. That's a lovely shade of vermilion you're sporting.
ga990212 -- Mrs. Peebrik wants to know what you did with her little dog. - - Look up. EEEEEEK!!! Amazing stuff, duct tape.
ga990213 -- You have terrorized the entire neighborhood this week! I hope you're happy! - And wipe that smile off your face! - Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ga990214 -- - pat pat - Uh-oh - - - -
ga990215 -- - - -
ga990216 -- - It needs something. - Yery funny!
ga990217 -- WHOCK! ? - - GARFIELD!!!
ga990218 -- - - That snowman needs to blow his carrot.
ga990219 -- I've stockpiled a gazillion snowballs to do battle with Garfield. - - I went with quality, not quantity.
ga990220 -- pat pat Rats! This is taking too long! And my hands are freezing. - I know! I'll go in and get the ice cream scoop! Good thinking! - And while you're at it, bring me the melon baller!
ga990221 -- - - - - - -
ga990222 -- Whew! Okay, let's go outside. - Boys? - YES?
ga990223 -- If you are cold, you can use one of my sweaters. Thanks. - - NOT TO START A FIRE! Make up your mind.
ga990224 -- My new goldfish has vanished. - What do you suppose happened to it, Garfield? He left you this note. - "I'm going on vabation"? That's supposed to be "vacation".
ga990225 -- Okay, I got ANOTHER goldfish. - If you're good, I'll let you name him. - How about "second helping"?
ga990226 -- - Ah-choo. Gesundheit. - GARFIELD!
ga990227 -- Z - GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK - Z
ga990228 -- - tic - - - ploonk clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap GARFIELD!
ga990301 -- SNIIIIIFFFFFFFF - ...NYAAAACCKK-KOFF HACK HACK KOFF KOFF AACCK - Monday air.
ga990302 -- Why can't YOU smile like that? - - *I* haven't been using your toothbrush.
ga990303 -- I am NOT dull! - - thud
ga990304 -- I think I'll take a nap. - - I think I'll stay awake.
ga990305 -- I'm a complicated guy, Ellen. - Sort of a puzzle. - Like connect the dots. Poor Ellen, poor, poor, poor Ellen.
ga990306 -- - HONK - Scare you, Garfield? No, but I did swallow my teddy bear.
ga990307 -- squeek squeek - Garfield and Odie * - It's time the boys learn to share. - Dinner! - SMACK! - May we have a word with you?
ga990308 -- To prepare your bird for roasting, you'll need bread, stuffing, and three eggs. - But before we do that... - Why don't we play with it a little? bat bat swipe bat The All-Cat Cooking Channel.
ga990309 -- Notice when I throw the ball...the dog fetches it. - A cat won't do that. - And why not? Does the word PRIDE ring a bell?
ga990310 -- Coming up next... - "Mind Readers". - I knew that.
ga990311 -- ...and lastly, we flambe our souffle with an acetylene torch! - ahhhh-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!! FOOOSH YAAAH! - Please stand by: "Psych Chef" is currently experiencing technical difficulties. "Technical"? Grab him! Grab him!
ga990312 -- Taking a look at tomorrow's weather... - The high temperature will be between 40 below zero and 200 above! - This guy's never wrong.
ga990313 -- Then we place our casserole into the oven and let it bake for 45 minutes. - ** hmm hmm hmm * - This part of the program usually gets pretty boring. Anyone know any good jokes?
ga990314 -- Sigh - You know, Arlene... Yes, Garfield? - There's only one person for me. Yeeees? - One person, worthy of my adoration... Oh, Garfield. - Me. - But enough about me. You talk about me for a while. - ...or not.
ga990315 -- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! clap clap clap - - Would you mind applauding a little longer? I only have 37 seconds worth of material.
ga990316 -- The Amazing Odie will now attempt to read his own mind! - - Sorry, folks, you can get your money back at the door.
ga990317 -- - -
ga990318 -- Hi, everyone, we're The Puppet Friends! - Will you be our friend? You silly, EVERYONE loves puppet friends! - DEATH TO PUPPETS! Except for that moron in the second row! Yeah, steop closer and say that, punk!
ga990319 -- So the guy says, "Hey, I thought thet was your face!" - But, I wanna tell you... bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz - I hate these barber conventions.
ga990320 -- It's great to see all you cool cats out there! - Arf! Security!
ga990321 -- - - - - - - - - - - munch munch munch
ga990322 -- Inside here, it's warm and cozy. - Out there is tribulation. - HEY! BIG SOCK SALE TODAY! I rest my case.
ga990323 -- Have you seen Odie? No. - WHUMP! - So NOW what do you have to say? Obviously we're dealing with an inferior adhesive.
ga990324 -- Hmm hmm * - GAAAH - See what *I* have to endure? Very funny!
ga990325 -- Wow! Van Gogh cut off his ear for the woman he loved. - - I wonder what I could cut off? How about that last shred of dignity?
ga990326 -- Fine, Ellen, don't go out with me! - I don't want your sympathy! - Unless that work! And he can go even lower, lady.
ga990327 -- It's cold today. - I'm wearing socks. - Even my sock puppet is wearing a sock.
ga990328 -- ** DING DONG - ** DING DONG - ? - ** DING DONG - - * DING- - * DONG
ga990329 -- Garfield, how would you like a nice treat? - Lay it on me! - It's sort of a rap polka thing. Suckered again!
ga990330 -- I framed a picture of my hero. - Cyrillys Damian, inventor of the accordion. - Just before his execution. There IS justice in the world.
ga990331 -- And now, everyone's favorite polka band... - "The Geek Boys"! - ACCORDION RULES! YESSS! It's the end of the world.
ga990401 -- I made out my will, Garfield. Can I have the fridge? - I want to be cremated... - And have my ashes spread over my accordion. Oh, but we'll be creamting your accordion as well.
ga990402 -- Will Jon come up with something to do this weekend? - The crowd is on the edge of their seats... - POLKA! Single file...exit to the left.
ga990403 -- - - Your shoes are on your knees, Jon.
ga990404 -- - - - - - - Round table.
ga990405 -- Uh-oh. - I can feel it coming. It's gonna be a... - bad hair day.
ga990406 -- I sleep a lot. - Sometimes I don't know if I'm awake or dreaming. - And then sometimes I get a little hint.
ga990407 -- You know, there are times when I honestly feel you don't respect me. - HUHHH - Take now for an instance.
ga990408 -- Look, Garfield! A chest hair! Are you sure? - Only REAL men have chest hair...virile, rugged men... I feel thet's just a piece of lint. - OWIEEE Who, it IS a hair.
ga990409 -- Garfield, the weekend has officially started! - - Yup, we are now one minute into the weekend. Wake me when it's over.
ga990410 -- I'm off to conquer the world! - - Maybe the world is this way. I wouldn't know.
ga990411 -- tap tap - - - pat pat pat BURP - - Mint? Why, thank you. - You know, if you're not careful, you're going to spoil me.
ga990412 -- This isn't water... - This is COOKING OIL! - So much for sparrow fondue.
ga990413 -- I'm going to stand motionless in the backyard. - Until lunch. - If you know what I mean. Get back here!
ga990414 -- I may look like a cat, but I'm actually a REALLY big sparrow. - - We must do a worm sometime.
ga990415 -- - CHOMP - Hey! Where's my rubber ducky?!
ga990416 -- - - Mrs. Feeney, I may have a clue to the fate of "Mister Sweetywings".
ga990417 -- May I please eat you for lunch? - No, you may not. - Civilty is overrated.
ga990418 -- - - Yeees! - - - The ice cubes have hardened! - Garfield! How many times have I told you never to make eye contact with tha tman?!
ga990419 -- I'm in good mood. - - I wonder if I'm up to something?
ga990420 -- Starting contest! - - At each other, you idiot!
ga990421 -- That's odd. - Ever have deja vu? No. - That's ood.
ga990422 -- My future is looking bright! - - CRAMP! CRAMP! Has the future started yet?
ga990423 -- Ever hear one of those voices inside you, Garfield? - A voice telling you to do something wild and crazy?... - I'm putting on a kilt! Obeying his inner nerd.
ga990424 -- Jon isn't speking to me. - I think. - I'm not listening to him.
ga990425 -- Hmmm... - I feel like a snack...maybe that last piece of pie... - BURP - Or those two hot dogs... BURRRRRRP BURRRRRRP - Or the three buffalo wings... BRAAP BRAAP BRAAP - Or the six-pack of soda pop... YURP-YURP YURP-YURP YURP-YURP - Is there
ga990425 -- ANYthing left? How about a nice refrigerator bulb?
ga990426 -- Catch the cat! Catch the cat! - Say, isn't that a tail? - Catch the tail! Catch the tail! Dogs...you gotta love 'em.
ga990427 -- Beware Of Dog What's this? - This sign is past its expiration date. - Hi!
ga990428 -- What a pathetic excuse for a dog! - Grrr - Check that...
ga990429 -- Hey, dog. Your x-rays are back. - See that tiny dot? That's your brain. - Why can't we all just learn to laugh at ourselves?!
ga990430 -- Beware of Insulting Dog. - I wonder what that means? - Excuse me, SIR. When is the litter due? Ahhh.
ga990501 -- Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - Grrrrr Are you going to bark or what? - I'll get to it! Okay?! Well, I don't have all day.
ga990502 -- Yeeeeeeessss... - * Hmm hmm hmmmm - Mighty fine... - Lookin' good, big guy. - Whaddaya think, Garfield? - Let me see... - By golly, you're right!
ga990503 -- Jon! I just had a terrible nightmare! - - Although it wasn't nearly as bad as this.
ga990504 -- - - Did Odie give you my message?
ga990505 -- Plain popcorn, no salt, no butter. - Sounds good. - It'll go great with my plain salt, no butter, no popcorn, and plain butter, no popcorn, no salt.
ga990506 -- All the food is gone! - - Aand...you were going somehwere with this?
ga990507 -- It's a dark and scary night, Garfield. - They say cats can sense when evil is present. - So, is it? No, but my geek sensor just went wild.
ga990508 -- I've gotta be me! - - Couldn't you be somebody else?
ga990509 -- Z - Garfield...wake up! tap tap Z - It's me, the leftover dork chop from the fridge... - You should have eaten me when you had the chance, fat boy. - Because I've glued you to your bed, and have a one-way ticket to Aruba! - So long, sucker!
ga990509 -- nggghhgghh Z - YAAHH Sounds like the pork-chop nightmare "yaahh".
ga990510 -- You only date adventurous men? - Hey, adventure is my middle name! - I once inhaled a cheeseball. On purpose.
ga990511 -- I can tell how interested a woman is in me by the way she strolls by. - ZOOM - I don't know...she was a little to blurred to tell.
ga990512 -- Ellen, know what I'd like to do? - Run over there and sweep you off your feet! - She's nailing herself to the floor. Ouch.
ga990513 -- Hello? Yes, this is he...a date?...with me? This friday night?! - Pinch me, I must be dreaming! - AAAARRRGGHH!
ga990514 -- Garfield, I'd like you to meet my date. - - You don't have a date, do you? I'd sure like to meet her, too.
ga990515 -- Some days everything goes right. - - I read that in a book. The one that gave you the paper cut?
ga990516 -- - Well hello, Mister Butterfly. - How lovely you are... - Your wings like beautiful paintings... - Your graceful flight like. - HOOO! - Your feet like ice cubes. Sorry.
ga990517 -- Okay, what's the grin for? - You did something, didn't you? - Was there any property damage or loss of life? Define "life".
ga990518 -- Odie is guarding his dish. - rrrrrrrrrrrr - And he's darn good at it, too. munch munch rrrrr DOG FOOD
ga990519 -- I had that falling dream again. - You know, the one where I fall? - I woke up before I hit bottom, though. That is one man's opinion.
ga990520 -- - Okay. - Litter box has been changed. About time.
ga990521 -- You know, Mona, I just know you're going to say you'll go out with me. - Know why? - I'm wearing my lucky socks. I guess the choice is out of her hands.
ga990522 -- * - ** - Got a new can opener case!
ga990523 -- - boing boing pant pant pant - - pant pant pant BOING BOING - Garfield, have you seen Od- - IIIIEEEE SLIP THUD - SLURP AAAGGHH
ga990524 -- My next guest needs no introduction. - - Psst! You're on! Oh. Anyone for radio?
ga990525 -- Hello and welcome to "Hit Me With A Hammer!" - I'm your host, Twink Winkerman, and tonight we'll OW - Suck it up, Twink, you big baby! Oh yeah?! Baby THIS! OW! Television's finest hour.
ga990526 -- This week on "Unfinished Sentence Theater," we will- - Thanks for watch- - Tune in again- AAGGGH!
ga990527 -- And now it's time to play "Block That Kick!" - Our first contestant is Michael!...ready, Mike? Huh? - BOOF GAAHH THAT'S going to raise a welt.
ga990528 -- Welcome to "Watching Paint Dry Theater". - - It's a rerun. Don't tell me how it turns out!
ga990529 -- Welcome to "Is It Good?," in which we invite you, the viewer... - -to send us your old leftovers from the back of your refrigerator! - Contestant number one...is-it-GOOD? Hmmm... SNIFF IT! SNIFF IT!
ga990530 -- Sigh... - - - - Rats!... - I just can't get comfortable! - Z
ga990531 -- Come on, Garfield, let's be honest. Does anything I say ever get through to you? - - Y'know, I think that mole on your neck is getting bigger.
ga990601 -- Time to get some household chores done. - BOOT! - Break time.
ga990602 -- Remember, kids, pigs are an excellent source of an important nutrient. - Bacon grease. - Occasionally I put the humor aside and do my part for education.
ga990603 -- Some people aren't lucky in love. Like my aunt Edna. - They never find the right one. She married a hyena. - But still you hope. Oh sure, he was a lot of laughs...
ga990604 -- I had a date last night, Garfield. - She was a little older than I expected. - Orpha, this id Jon. I have your teeth. Oh baby, baby.
ga990605 -- I have two hundred french fries in my mouth! - You're disgusting. - He hates to see me break his record.
ga990606 -- - - ? - - - - BONK OW!
ga990607 -- Maybe I'll be like you today, Garfield... - Lazy! - Another convert.
ga990608 -- Life is passing you by. - Every moment you lie there is another one you'll never have back, you know. That's okay. I won't miss them. - Especially the ones spent staring up your nose.
ga990609 -- Time for me to not do some sit-ups. - - How's it going? Darn. Made me lose count.
ga990610 -- Look at you... - Just LOOK at you! -
ga990611 -- You're lucky to have me around. - - Luck isn't what it used to be.
ga990612 -- It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown! - - And you say I never exercise.
ga990613 -- - I suppose you're wondering why I have this sack on my head. - Well, I have this big, ugly zit on my face... - And it looks so horrific I don't want it seen. - ** DING-DONG That's my date. - I hope she understands. -
ga990614 -- - SMACK - Your birthday is coming soon. I know. I marked the calendar.
ga990615 -- Would you like a birthday party this year, Garfield? We could invite all of your friends. - - More cake for him.
ga990616 -- I remember my 21st birthday, back on the farm... - We played "Pin the Tail on the Donkey"...with a real donkey! - I can't recall much after that. This explains a lot.
ga990617 -- You shouldn't worry about turning 21. I had an uncle who lived to be 21. Really? - I remember what he always used to say to me... What was that? - "Who the heck are you?!"
ga990618 -- This is Garfield's birthday present. - He'll never figure out what it is. - Not until I tuen my flashlight on...
ga990619 -- Yes, yes, I know it's my birthday. - You don't have to rub it in. - Then again, perhaps you do.
ga990620 -- * dingle dingle - dingle * - * dingle - * dingle - * dingle - THOOMP - GARFIELD!!
ga990621 -- I feel very up today, Garfield. - Birds are singing. The sun is shining. - And my nose rash is dissipating! I wish YOU'D disspiate.
ga990622 -- I love you, Odie. - Always stay the way you are! - Bronze him.
ga990623 -- Everyone has their breaking point. - Little things that drive them crazy. - bbbbb Like lip flipping.
ga990624 -- Walking is good exercise. - - But you have to take more than one step. There's always a string attached!
ga990625 -- I can't believe you ate Dicky bird! - Never again to hear thoe little feet scampering around the cage! Relax. - The little feet might still be in there.
ga990626 -- I bought dancing shoes! - - The don't seem to work. Maybe there's an on/off switch.
ga990627 -- - Z - UUHHNNYAHHH - GAHOOOOOOOOOO - HEEEEYUHHHHH - HUHYEEEYAHHH - Go do your sit-ups outside!
ga990628 -- ** DING-DONG I wonder who that could be. - ** DING-DONG Oh, well, at least I know who it's NOT...he's too short to reach the doorbell. - TAH-DAAAH! AAARRRGH! smack!
ga990629 -- Greetings, old and fat one! - Is the door sagging, or is that you? - You used to be cute. Now I'm precious.
ga990630 -- Nermal, what brings you here? I though I'd drop by for a short visit. - So, you've packed on a few pounds, have't xou? - My, my, my...that WAS a short visit!
ga990701 -- Hey, look who I found on the lawn! That's bcause I PUT him there. - I'll leave you two to visit. So, aside from the bigger belly and extra chin, what else is new? - Garfield, do you feel a draft?
ga990702 -- Now, Garfield, Nermal came to visit you...be nice. - Yeah...I thought fat folks were supposed to be jolly. - Hee, hee, ha, ho, ho, ha, ho.
ga990703 -- How do you stay so cute? - It's a gift, chunky...a gift. - What was that flush I heard? I just put Nermal's "gift" in layaway.
ga990704 -- * - Ah, this is the life... - Kicking back and relaxing in my very own po-... - Garfield?! What are you doing up on the roof? - CANNONBALL! GAAHHH - SPLOOSH - That was fun! Blow it up again! Kindly remove your foot from my nostril so that I
ga990704 -- may kill you.
ga990705 -- Some people travel the world. - And here I sit with you. - I feel sorry for them, too.
ga990706 -- Sit! - - Good boy!
ga990707 -- Know what drives me nuts? - - I'm not telling YOU. Oh, come on, I can always use new ideas.
ga990708 -- There's nothing Jon enjoys more... - Than rubbing my tummy. - If he knows what's good for him.
ga990709 -- Garfield, have you ever regretted any of the awful things you've done to me while I'm sleeping? - Yes. - This isn't one of them, though.
ga990710 -- - I'm spending saturday night with a fat, worthless cat! - Tht fat part was uncalled for.
ga990711 -- - * DING - * DING - * DING - * DING - * DING - Ted's Dong Repair.
ga990712 -- Ah yes, it's good to be back at the ol' diner! - Hi, hon! What can I get you? For starters, a spatula. - My hands are stuck to the counter. Some things never change.
ga990713 -- Mmm...I love the smells of a diner... - Irma, what's that smell? Something sizzling on the grill? Naw. - That's chef Tony. I'll be hitchhiking home now.
ga990714 -- How about you ham, Irma? - Is it fresh? - Oink Yes. Check.
ga990715 -- I'd like a glass of juice, please. - What kind? Orange, sauerkraut, grapefruit or pickle? Uhh...orange. -
ga990716 -- What's this? ...your "He-Man Burger"? - That's a five-pound patty of ground beef on a bun. Five pounds?! Who who could eat such a thing? - uhh-EEE-yah-EEE-yaaah thump thump thump thump
ga990717 -- This coffee is great, Irma! Thanks, hon. I ground the beans myself. - CLOP CLOP CLOP - Why is she wearing golf shoes? I'd rather not know.
ga990718 -- - - dig dig dig - dig dig dig dig dig - dig dig dig dig dig dig - - dig dig dig dig That's deep enough, Odie!
ga990719 -- - AIIIEEEEEE YAH YAH YAH YAH YAAAAHHHH - Anything interesting today? Nah, just bills.
ga990720 -- The next time I see you two, I expect you to be doing something worthwile. - You know what that means, Odie? - We'll never see Jon again.
ga990721 -- I have a real problem with your attitude latey, mister! - That, and your - Short attention span.
ga990722 -- Do you think your life can have an impact on the world? - Absolutely. - Have you noticed that there are fewer sparrows around here than there used to be?
ga990723 -- RING - I won't go out with you! - I wonder who that was? Rejected by wrong numbers! SMACK
ga990724 -- You need to eat a more balanced diet. - Balanced? - You mean as in more than one kind of donut?
ga990725 -- - - Hi, mouse. Hi, cat. - So, what are you standing here for? - I'm waiting for my carpool. Carpool? - Oh, right...a mouse carpool! That's a hot one! slam! screeee - Care to explain this? Mind if I don't?
ga990726 -- Pooky's looking a little dirty...what say I run him through the wash? - My teddy bear is NOT dirty! - Dusty, maybe.
ga990727 -- So long, old pal! - Have a safe journey! sniff - Bon voyage! You have no idea how much pressure I'm under.
ga990728 -- Pooky is in the wash this morning. - You'll just have to find a subsitute for the next hour. - Uh, Garfield. Shh. Pooky doesn't talk.
ga990729 -- Okay, Pooky made it through the wash cycle...I'm adding fabric softener now. - No...this instead. - Conditioner.
ga990730 -- Okay, Garfield, here comes Pooky... - All clean and fresh from the dryer! -
ga990731 -- There he is, fresh from the dryer and all clean! What do you think? - LICK - Missed a spot.
ga990801 -- - DING-DONG ** - - Mrs. Feeny is at the door. - She claims you epoxied her weimaraner to a cross-town bus. - Is this true? No! - I swear!
ga990802 -- Respect is an important part of a pet-owner relationship, Garfield. - Wouldn't you agree? - Perhaps you wouldn't.
ga990803 -- Gee, I didn't know we had any of those flavored coffees. - - I found your cough drop. sniff
ga990804 -- Looky, Garfield! Looky! - Looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, - Hello, doctor? Could you reboove a rubber bouse frub by dose? One "lloky" too many.
ga990805 --- You missed a spot. - Work, work, work, work, work, work, work!
ga990806 -- Mr. Smith, I'm calling to ask permission to marry your daughter. - No, we haven't had a date yet...dad. - That's rather unkind, Mr. Smith. We like to alienate the entire family.
ga990807 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - - Usually you let the seeds grow, and then you eat the plant. I'm not a spatient as I used to be.
ga990808 -- - RIIING! - Congratulations, lucky contestant! Answer just two questions and win, win, win! - Question one: What is the sound a cat makes? Meyow. - Correct! And for the GRAND prize, question two: what is the sound a DOG makes?! - DUHHHHHHH -
ga990808 -- I doubt if I was eligible anyway.
ga990809 -- Many viewers are asking: - "Can television sink any lower?" - Let's find out! All right!
ga990810 -- Welcome to "Scary Theater". - Tonight's feature: "The Cat Who Shed on the Furniture". - What's so scary about- AIEEEE!
ga990811 -- Sorry, kids, but Binky the Clown isn't feeling well today. - Filling in for him is his brother...Mel the Accountant! - Today we'll be discussing the importance of saving receipts... Sounds funny coming from a guy in a gree wig.
ga990812 -- Mr. Smith, you say you can communicate with plants? That's right. - Hello, Mr. Plant, how are you? I am fine, Mr. Smith. - Hey! I saw your lips move! 149 channels to go.
ga990813 -- A report states television viewing destroys brain cells. - Let me repeat that for our frequent viewers. - TV...duh! I am highly offended.
ga990814 -- Hey, handsome, how's your aftershave? - C'mere...come closer...closer... - Uh...that's close enough, dork boy. Et tu, TV?
ga990815 -- - I'm bored. - I have gum and a potted plant stuck on my head. - A meteorite just crushed my car. - And there's a gian gorilla on the roof... - ...swatting at airplanes. - You have gum?
ga990816 -- Jon says gluttony will kill me. - That was true of my uncle Morty. - He tried to take a papaya from a silverback gorilla.
ga990817 -- Odie has a personality all his own! - - Nobody else wanted it.
ga990818 -- I wish you wouldn't attack the mailman. - - YAAHH!! HELP! HELLLlllp And while I'm at it, I also wish I had a million dollars and a new car.
ga990819 -- I warned you about laziness, Garfield. - You can't just lie around all day. - You gotta be alert. Just open the bag.
ga990820 -- You WOULD like to go to a movie?! - With me?! - Rats. You had to press it, didn't you?
ga990821 -- IT'S TIME TO GET UP, GARFIELD! - Excellent, Jon! You've never yelled better! - Z
ga990822 -- - - - Is that it? Is that the best you can do?! - That was nothin'! Come on! Gimme your best shot! - - Better.
ga990823 -- Garfield, we have a mouse problem. - Oh, you can't see them, but they're here. - I can sense it. Cool it, guys.
ga990824 -- I had a dream that you caught a mouse. - Sounds silly, doesn't it? Not at all. - I have dreams all the time.
ga990825 -- Go, Garfield, go! - All right! - Beat him to the last cookie!
ga990826 -- That's it! If I see one more mouse around here, you're grounded! - - Let me rephrase that. No, no, I LIKE the concept!
ga990827 -- The mice are out of hand, Garfield! - And that upsets me! - Okay, everybody, group hug! Group hug!
ga990828 -- I'm moving out. - You're going to be proud of me! - Much better.
ga990829 -- BZZZzzzzzzzz - Darn ol' fly. BZZZzzzzz - ZZZZ... CLAP! - Got him! - BZZZZZZ- - BZZZZZZZZZZ- That's no ordinary fly. - BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ YAAAAHHH! That's a fly fueled with my coffee!
ga990830 -- Let's think happy thoughts! All right. - - Aren't you thinking happy thoughts? I'm not letting my face know.
ga990831 -- - Hi'ya, Odie! - Thanks a lot!
ga990901 -- - Never help me with the laundry again! - Let's hear it for incompetence.
ga990902 -- Here's a double helping of lasagna, Garfield, with a steak o the side. - Why, thank you so much! - And here are your car keys. Thank you so much.
ga990903 -- I'm ready for my date! - - Looking forward to it, are you? It's in three weeks!
ga990904 -- I just lost my job. I'm here to end it all. - Go ahead. Swat me. - NO. Oh, you ARE cruel.
ga990905 -- Okay, Garfield... - I'm putting this cake here and turning my back. - Let's see if you can withstand temptation. - Okay, my back is turned. - Be strong, Garfield. Hey, fat boy. You wanna piece of me?! - You can do this. Huh?! SLAP! Huh? SLAP!
ga990905 -- - Garfield, Garfield, Garfield. Forget it. You wouldn't believe me anyway.
ga990906 -- - - Coffee kicked in.
ga990907 -- Here's your coffee. - - Careful, it's hot. Thank you, Dr. Science.
ga990908 -- I have had two lousy days in a row. - Today HAS to be a good day. - The law of averages is on my side. There's a fly in your coffee.
ga990909 -- For health reasons, I've decided to give up coffee. - - For sanity reasons, I've decided to give up giving up.
ga990910 -- C'mon, just one more cup. Nope. - You've had enough. - bzzzzz And just what makes you think that?
ga990911 -- Hmmm...what do we have here? - Let me guess. - Hot coffee in the lap? The pain!
ga990912 -- - Hello. Are you lookin' at me? - Nice day. Oh yeah? Sez who?! - They say it might rain later. Is that a threat?! - But I hope it doesn't. Chicken! - I'm planning to take a little walk. Go ahead! Try it! I dare you! - Would you like to come
ga990912 -- along? Not until you apologize!
ga990913 -- Fausto's Pizza...home of the megacheese pizza. - We got onion...we got pepperoni...we got anchovies...whaddya want? - Hello? Anybody there? I love you, Fausto.
ga990914 -- Observe the ever-alert watchdog. - - Psst. That's you, dummy.
ga990915 -- WOOOOOO! - I am guilt! - You stole Jon't lunch! WOOOOOOOooo! The spirit of lunches past.
ga990916 -- HA! HA! HA! HA! - Elen likes men who are able to laugh at themselves. - HA! HA! HA! HA! I wonder what the normal people are doing?
ga990917 -- You would love to go out with me? - You say you're thrilled I asked? - I'm practicing. No kidding.
ga990918 -- I am a thinking human being, and you are a lowly house pet. - WHAM! - I meant to do that! The thinking human being missed the doorway.
ga990919 -- - * beedle beedle beedle - - beedle beedle beedle * - * beedle beedle beedle - I CAN'T FIND MY CELL PHONE! - beedle beedle beedle *
ga990920 -- I had a busy day. - Same here. - Except for that "busy" part.
ga990921 -- Huh! Lying around all day...must be nice! - - ...I said, MUST BE NICE! Do you hear me arguing?
ga990922 -- You seem depressed, Garfield. - Back on the farm, we had a cure for that. - We'd go out to the barn and tickle the goats. Touch me and die.
ga990923 -- - scratch scratch - That was quite burst of activity. I hope nobody got hurt.
ga990924 -- Yesterday you were here. - Today you're here! - WE HAVE MOVEMENT! - I wonder if Charlie Brown could use a cat?
ga990925 -- What if I did nothing, like you? - - You'd never catch up.
ga990926 -- - So, did you finish all your dinner? - WAH HAHA YAH HAA HAA - AHHH YAH HA HA HA HA HOO HOO - HEE NEE HEE HEE HEE SNORT SNORT - - AHHH YAH HA HAHAHA
ga990927 -- Some people think the universe is constantly expanding. - All right! - Room for another donut!
ga990928 -- SLAP! - Too much happiness! - AHHH!
ga990929 -- I just finished drawing a moustache on every picture of Jon in the house! - I jusr drew a moustache on my face! - Troublemaker!
ga990930 -- I'll never forget my days back in school - I'm sure. - If I had my pants run up the flagpole every day, I'd remember it, too.
ga991001 -- My feet were cold, so I put on seven pairs of sicks. - Then I couldn't get my shoes on. - Then I figured, what do I need with shoes?! I'm going to go play in traffic.
ga991002 -- "...and they all lived happily ever after". - - You notice they didn't have a cat. Is that a shot?
ga991003 -- hoo hoo hoo - hoo hoo hoo - hoo...hoo..hoo... Stupid owl. - hoo...hoo...hoo... - fling! KONK! - - OW!
ga991004 -- I love diners...they're so warm and friendly. - It's nice to come to a place where everybody knows everybody's name. - HI, hon. And that name is "hon".
ga991005 -- How's your turkey? Great. - How's your fish? Great. - How's your chicken? Poor thing has a fever today. Hold the chicken.
ga991006 -- I'll have a hamburger, well-done with extra onions. You got it. - YO, TONY! BURN A COW, AND MAKE HER CRY! - Suddenly, I've lost my appetite. It's with mine...waiting for us in the car.
ga991007 -- Is the meat loaf good? You'll love it. It's the chef's mother's recipe, rest her soul. - I wonder how she died? Meat loaf's up! - I'm betting she choked on a horn.
ga991008 -- For being such good customers, here's a special treat from me! Thanks, Irma! - - This is a scoop of mashed potatoes in a cone. Hand me one of those butter pats.
ga991009 -- Irma? There's a hair in my chicken salad. - Nice try, Mister Joker... - Chickens don't have hair. All in favor of leaving...
ga991010 -- SLAM! - I had an accident today at the salad bar. - I smacked my face into the clear sneeze guard and knocked a crock of Garbanzo beans onto the floor. - A fat woman slipped on them and somersaulted onto the soup-of-the-day tureen. - Then her
ga991010 -- husband threw a bowl of broccoli florets at me and I ducked, falling facefirst into the french dressing. - Then the woman attacked me, force-feeding me jalapeno peppers and stuffing black olives in my ears while her husband put a cold pewter
ga991010 -- plate down my pants. - So, what was the soup of the day?
ga991011 -- I've won a cruise?! - All expenses paid?! - A one-way ticket to Ninny Island? You could be among your own!
ga991012 -- Meow! What? - Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! - Odie, with that thick dog accent, I can't understand a word you're saying.
ga991013 -- Jon's putting up some new blinds. - Wanna know how I'm doing? - SHOONK No.
ga991014 -- If Jon's socks are in this drink... - Where is the ice? - My feet are cold. Duh!
ga991015 -- I know why you won't go out with me, Ellen. - It's because I don't drive a big, fancy car! - OK...and I'm boring. Are you going to take the car back?
ga991016 -- You know, Garfield. - Some people enjoy dressing their pets up in funny outfits. - Believe me. You wouldn't enjoy it.
ga991017 -- Here, put these on! - Who cares if I can't get a date?! - We're wearing party hats!! - And we're having a good time! - The whole NEIGHBORHOOD is gonna have a good time! - Everybody! Hop! Hop! Hop! Hubert, I'm very afraid. Shut up and conga.
ga991018 -- Hey, chicky boo, chicky boo, boo, boo! - Here, chicky, chicky, chicky! - Yo, chick-o, chick-o, chick-o-rama. And he's available, ladies!
ga991019 -- Remember me? Uh... - We went on a date once. We did? - I ran screaming from the room. You'll havr to be more specific.
ga991020 -- Hey look, a clown! - Don't you agree that it's rude to comment on the attire of others? - Make me laugh, clown boy. YOur seltzer bottle, clown boy.
ga991021 -- Garfield, that girl is smiling at me! The one picking lettuce out of her teeth? - Time to turn on the cool. - Whoa, didn't even stay to pay the check.
ga991022 -- - Chicks dig me. - Boy, this is uncomfortable. Let's see you walk.
ga991023 -- We have a new member with us tonight. - My name is Jon Arbuckle. - And I'm wearing a bad suit. We see your pain.
ga991024 -- DING-DONG ** - Whay, thank you so much! - slam! - Look, Garfield! Mrs. Feeny brought us a cake! - She made it herself...wasn't that thoughtful of- - POP - You destroyed her daisies again, didn't you? I also maimed her marigolds and mauled her
ga991024 -- mums.
ga991025 -- Death, taxes. - and teddy bears. - Three things you can always count on!
ga991026 -- - - Give me the dog whistle. What dog whistle?
ga991027 -- Garfield, I'm depressed. - I could use a hug. - I could use a Lamborghini but you don't hear me whining.
ga991028 -- Cat hair! - My entire world is covered with cat hair! - Except my toothbrush. Ah! THERE'S my ear groomer!
ga991029 -- Actually, Betty, I am deep. - In fact, lately I've been contemplating my mortality. - I'm donating my brain to science. That shouldn't take up too much space on the ol' shelf.
ga991030 -- You know, Jon... - Life is filled with myteries. - I wish you hadn't taken the labels off all our canned food. Many myteries indeed.
ga991031 -- I'm hungry. - I wish I had a big ham. - POOF! - Wow! I wish Jon was here to see this! - Yes? This has got to be a dream... - I wish it wasn't, though. POOF - Real bright, Garfield.
ga991101 -- Cats eat mice. - Theyplay catch 'em. They play with 'em... - AND THEY EAT EM! Not enough catsup in the world, pal.
ga991102 -- ...and that's my pet cat. - - I have a name, you know!
ga991103 -- Food! - GOTCHA! LUNCH TIME! - In front of the TV, or out on the patio? TV!
ga991104 -- Garfield, these mice are out of hand! - Get tough with them! Understand?! Okay. - The ballet is off! Awwww...
ga991105 -- See, Garfield, you are the hunter...the mouse is the prey. - Now what does the hunter do? - Dork Boy
ga991106 -- - - Servant's entrance. I knew that.
ga991107 -- - - You're not a spider... Very perceptive, brick brain. - For your information, I happen to be a centipede... - A flat arthropod of the class chilopoda, with numerous body segments and legs. - Now you can write in your diary that you
ga991107 -- actually learned something new today, you oaf! - Dear diary...
ga991108 -- We've sure had some good times, haven'T we, Garfield? - - WELL?! Is this one of them?
ga991109 -- - -
ga991110 -- Check it out, Garfield. - You can tell a lot about a man by his suit. - And his cologne. You're a clown who works in a fish market?
ga991111 -- "Dear diary: I am bored." - - "The pets, on the other hand..."
ga991112 -- Ellen, this is Jon. - EEEEK! CLICK - She must have had an accident! Self-inflicted, no doubt.
ga991113 -- Don't let me keep you from whatever you were doing, Jon! - - Or to put it another way, get lost!
ga991114 -- - Okay, Odie... - This time we go for the world's record. Urf. - One...two...thre...go! - - SLURP! - YAAAAAAHHHHH
ga991115 -- I enjoyed a brisk three-mile run before breakfast. - So, what did YOU do? - Burp *I* enjoyed your breakfast.
ga991116 -- New book, Garfield. - It's called "Normal Pets". - You're not listed. I shun publicity.
ga991117 -- If you gain any more weight, you won't be able to move! - Wow. - A fringe benefit.
ga991118 -- Breathing? - - Just checking. Appreciate it.
ga991119 -- Lions are in the cat family. - Lions are great hunters. - YOU are a disgrace. Careful, I just slaughtered a herd of pickles.
ga991120 -- You could use some ambition. - - Does that come with fries?
ga991121 -- Jon! Look! - Look, Jon, look! - Look! Look! Look! - Jon! Jon! Jon! Jon! - Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! - ALL RIGHT! WHAT IS IT?!! - Made you look.
ga991122 -- We'd like to order a pizza. - That's right. With everything that might conceivably be edible. - They knew it was for you. I'm so proud.
ga991123 -- Z - - Pizza delivery truck? Three houses down...pepperoni!
ga991124 -- HONK! HONK! - Bring the pizza to the door! I'm not getting out of my truck! - Your cat's nuts! Hey, I'm a touchy, feely kinda guy.
ga991125 -- You the guy who ordered thew extra-extra-extra large pizza? Yes. - - Looks like we're gonna have to take out a wall. Heaven... * I'm in heaven. *
ga991126 -- Yuk! What? - There's cat hair on my pizza! Hey, no big deal. - And it doesn't appear to be yours. POO! POO!
ga991127 -- I wish I could be liked and admired. - Or that I had a large sausage pizza. - Of course, if I had a large sausage pizza, I wouldn't need to be liked and admired.
ga991128 -- boing boing - Good day, sir. My name is Frank Flea and I'm a recent college graduate in search of an entry-level parasite position. - I assure you'd find me a dedicated employee, a hard worker, and a team player! - I may be new to this field,
ga991128 -- but I come from a long line of successful blood suckers and feel prepared to carry on that fine tradition! - Sounds impressive, Frank, but I'm currently not accepting applications. - Try the dog in the next room. I believe his right
ga991128 -- hindquarter has an opening. Really?! - What is that? A tiny resume.
ga991129 -- - YEOWWW! - Sometimes you just have to bite something.
ga991130 -- Odie chased his tail. - Odie caught his tail. Odie buried his tail.
ga991201 -- Let's play "Find the Donut!" - - Some days I hate you. All right, I'll give you a hint.
ga991202 -- Will you stop staring at my food?! - - STOP IT! Not even a forlorn glance?
ga991203 -- My name is Stephano. I am very rich and macho. tick tick tick - Anyone want to chat? tick tick tick - Whoa... Nobody can empty a chat room like Stephano.
ga991204 -- I have places to go and things to do! - I have no place to go and nothing to do. - I'm running late! I'm right on schedule.
ga991205 -- Who? Me?! - Who?......me? - Who? ME?! - WHO?! Meeeee? - Whooo? Me? Who? Meeeee?! Who?! Me?! - He what? - GARFIELD! Show time.
ga991206 -- Ahem. - stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp - Yes, I'm aware of how many daysit is till Christmas. Well, let's get cracking!
ga991207 -- Pooky, Christmas is coming! - - He's containing his excitement.
ga991208 -- Christmas is just around the corner, Odie! - -
ga991209 -- Look, a Christmas card from Doc Boy! - "Happy holidays to my chicken-ticklin', cow-tippin', rooster-rasslin', city boy brother". - How sweet of him to remember all that! You can take the dork aout of the farn, but you can't take the farm out
ga991209 -- of the dork.
ga991210 -- "Dear son, happy holidays from the farm. So much has been happening here..." - "The mare had a foal, the sow had a litter, and the chicken had a stroke..." - "...she was sure tasty, though". I'm starting to enjoy these letters from home.
ga991211 -- May I borrow three marshmallows? Sure. - - GARFIELD!
ga991212 -- Okay, here we go... - Dear Santa, I am writing this letter for my cat, Garfield, who has been an okay cat most of the year. - SLAP! - Delete Delete Delete Delete - ...good all year. SLAP! - Delete Delete Delete Delete tick tick tic tikka
ga991212 -- tikka tic - A SAINT!!! Oh, PLEASE. It necer hurts to pad your resume.
ga991213 -- Santa Claus isn't stupid, you know! - I'd think twice before sending him that letter about how good you were this year! - Maybe I should take out that part about winning the nobel peace prize. Really?! Can I shake your hand?
ga991214 -- The All-Cat Channel now returns to: - "Snowball, the Cat Who Slept Through Christmas". - What's on? Z - Some movie based on a true story.
ga991215 -- No exact change? ...awww, go on through! - On donner! On blitzen! - We will return to "Melvin Weederpate, the Toll Booth Guy who Saved Christmas". This is getting out of hand.
ga991216 -- We now return to "Murray, the Snake who Saved Christmas". Sssay, Sssanta, how about me guiding the sleight tonight? - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - Uh...we will return to...uh..."Cybil, the Chipmunk who Saved Murray" in a minute. I wonder who'll
ga991216 -- save Cybil?
ga991217 -- Hi, Grandma? It's Jon, calling to wish you happy holidays! - Grandma? GANDMA?! CAN YOU HEAR M-... O.K., I'LL WAIT!! - Turning her hearing aid? Turning down the heavy metal CD on her stereo.
ga991218 -- I love the holidays. - And I found the cutest Christmas decorations! - Now, go stand on on the roof. Guess who's getting a rat in his stocking this year?
ga991219 -- - - Oh, no...forget that! - You ain't kissin' ME under the mistletoe, pal! - SLUUURRRP!
ga991220 -- - - Okay! OKay! We'll go buy a Christmas tree!
ga991221 -- Time me! - UNNGH! THUMP! OW! GAAH! DONK! WONK! NYAAHH! CRUNCH DOINK! TWIST - The tree is up! Six hours, thirty-two minutes and sventeen seconds...a new record!
ga991222 -- Hello, tree! - Long time, no see! - Hugging th tree again? You're just jealous.
ga991223 -- O.K., the lights are up, the tree is up, the cards have been mailed, and the presents are wrapped. - Let's see...what else needs to be don- smack - Oh yeah...bake the cookies. Where ARE your priorities, man?!
ga991224 -- - Any sign of him? Not yet. - We ordered pizza.
ga991225 -- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. - C'mere, you. Merry Christmas!
ga991226 -- bip boop bip beep - Hi, Barbara, it's Jon Arbuckle... - hOW'd - ...you like to go... - OUtwith me - new yEARs EEEve? - Stop pinching me!! That was fun! Call someone else.
ga991227 -- I don't know, Garfield... - I still say someone switched the gift tags. Nonsense. - That flea collar is for you.
ga991228 -- Hi, Lisa, it's Jon Arbuckle... - I have two tickets to the polka joe concert at the Bowl-O-Rama for this new year's eve. Care to join me? - I just learned three new words. Unsuitable for a comic strip, no doubt.
ga991229 -- No, no, I understand completely, Patti. - Some other new year's eve, perhaps. - She hat to stay home to floss her otter. Trusting soul, or blooming idiot? You make the call.
ga991230 -- Beth, sweetie, how'd you like to go out with the one and only MEEE on new year's eve? - - Ever laugh so hard you choke? Oh, I've hacked up a hairball or two...
ga991231 -- Testing: one...two... - BLAAT! - New year's eve sound check. Come closer...
ga000101 -- A toast: to the new year! - clink - This does not bode well... It's not a very good sign, either.
ga000102 -- - - - - - - Happy new year. Not so louuud.
ga000103 -- Garfield, let's just sit here and think deep thoughts. - - Do monkeys marry? Come back! You're too deep!
ga000104 -- I take no pleasure in kicking Odie. - BOOT! - I do, however, enjoy watching him claw at the air on the way down.
ga000105 -- Getting a little plump, aren't we? Plump? - Plump, you say? - Put it back. Plump is history.
ga000106 -- Garfield, I just had a thought! - - Darn! Slippery little devils.
ga000107 -- Ellen siad not to call her anymore. - She says it's too expensive. - She says every time I call she rips the phone out the wall. Badda boom.
ga000108 -- I have a lot of things on my schedule. - Whoa. - All I have on mine is a little ketchup.
ga000109 -- Uh-oh. - Ahh! A nutritious snack! - Please spare me, Mr. Cat! I've got a wife and six kids! - - - Who...uh...are away visiting my mother for an indefinite period of time?... - Fish who live in glass houses shouldn't fib.
ga000110 -- What are you doing today, Garfield? - I thought I'd finish my memoirs, and then paint the house. - I sense sarcasm. ...and then it's on to community service.
ga000111 -- - All I ask is that you move enough so I don't have to dust you. - Work! Work! Work!
ga000112 -- Z - Z - Z His daisy-stomping dream.
ga000113 -- I had a busy day. - Me too. - Mine was about eight years ago.
ga000114 -- Cats in the jungle must hunt for every meal. - I used to do that... - Before we put the pizza place on the speed dial.
ga000115 -- You know, some cats jump up and romp about the house for no reason at all. - - So... Not in our lifetime.
ga000116 -- - RIIING! * - Hello? - Yes?.....YES?.... - YES?! - yeeeeesssssss?... - I /sincerely/ apologize... That's my cue to hide behind the drapes for an hour.
ga000117 -- Wouldn't you like to have a cat like me around your house? - - You do have a cookie jar, don't you?
ga000118 -- And the winner of the "Bird of the Year" award is... - Stan the sparrow! - I'll be accepting on Stan's (burp) behalf.
ga000119 -- Odie, I want you to go far away. - Far, far away. - One more "far" there, pal...
ga000120 -- Here's a picture of my grandfather's elbow. - - I see the resemblance.
ga000121 -- Why won't you go out with me, Cindy? - You're getting a root canal? - Mind if I tag along? Won't she be suffering enough?
ga000122 -- I feel like having some fun! - - The feeling is starting to fade. Maybe you're having fun and don't know it.
ga000123 -- click - Cats of the world, unite! - It's time to burn our collars and throw off the yoke of oppression! - We have suffered under the heel of the humans for far too long! - The time to act has arrived! The time to- Oh, Flu-ffy! * - Uh...the
ga000123 -- time to... Flu-ffy! Dinner! - Uh, hang on-I'll be back in a minute. The revolution is recessed for num-nums.
ga000124 -- Sigh...another day of toil. - No sense lying around. Better get busy. - These cartoons won't watch themselves.
ga000125 -- Today's program is brought to you by a product we couldn't care less about. - We're being cancelled at the end of the season, so it hardly matters anyway... - Hey, Petey Everett from third grade...BITE me! - Too bad it's ending...it's getting
ga000125 -- better.
ga000126 -- Woof! Woof! - Woof!...Uh... - Line? "Woof," you idiot! In his defense, it WAS a long speech.
ga000127 -- And now the farm report. - Dan, little Nancy Slobo was bitten by a cow today. - The incident occured during a game of "Slap the Udder". Cows hate that.
ga000128 -- We at channel 31 are dedicated to quality programming. - Informative, educational and responsible, that's us! - We now return to "World's Ugliest People". Look at that nose!
ga000129 -- Doctor, what is the difference between cats and dogs? - Well, dogs have a high degree of loyalty. - Where as a cat would turn in its own mother. Only if there's a reward.
ga000130 -- - Garfield! Mail's here! - It arrived! It arrived! - - Hey, Garfield! Notice anything different about me? - - New cologne?
ga000131 -- Friends may come and friends may go... - But a teddy bear is forever. - poit!
ga000201 -- Where are my sweat pants? - - I don't even want to know where my tee shirt is. Then don't look behind you.
ga000202 -- I'm going to frolic ion the meadow! - - They built a hotel on it. You could hang out in the lobby.
ga000203 -- That was Mrs. Brown on the phone. - She says you bit her. - Well?! She was wearing a mumu with pork chops printed all over it.
ga000204 -- Florence, remember when you said I was no fun? - Well, you'll have to change your tune! - "1001 Elephant Jokes," baby! Run, Florence, run!
ga000205 -- Remember the good times we've had, Garfield? - - Remember the mediocre times we've had, Garfield? Yeah...
ga000206 -- ...so I said, "it's gotta be brie, baby, or nothing at all..." - Uh-oh...here comes your human...hide me! - STUFF! - On guard, I see. - Keep up the good work! SLAP! GULP - Mouse! Are you still there?! Barely. - I have a death grip on your
ga000206 -- uvula
ga000207 -- Mrs. Feeny's dog is on our lawn. I know. - Looks like he's laughing. I hate him. - What is he waving about? That was a perfectly good tail.
ga000208 -- BEWARE OF THE DOG!! - - Spent all their money on advertising.
ga000209 -- Dogs are brave. - And you smell funny when you're wet! - Cats are sarcastic.
ga000210 -- Beware Of The Scary Dog grrr That's not scary. - - booo! Maybe a little annoying...
ga000211 -- That's a great sign! Beware Of The Dog Why, thank you. - It really suits you! Aw, gwan! - I think I forgot something.
ga000212 -- Beware of the dog! How come? - Um... - Because the people who make those signs have families to feed? sigh
ga000213 -- pat pat - - - unngh - unnnnggghhh - -
ga000214 -- sniff sniff - This snowman smells like coconut oil. - Sunblock
ga000215 -- - WET PETS! - WET PETS! Feel the power.
ga000216 -- - - GARFIELD!
ga000217 -- Okay, Garfield, it was fun for a while... - But now it's gotten out of control. - This has to stop.
ga000218 -- Ellen, this is Jon. - No! Don't hang up! I just want you to ask you for dinner! - Yes, NOW you can hang up. Ahem... I'M available.
ga000219 -- I worked hard today. - - Z And so now the fun begins.
ga000220 -- * - Welcome. Enter Password: - Hmmm - * - tic tic tikka tic tick tic tic - It's "lasagna," isn't it? - Just a lucky guess.
ga000221 -- clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap Thank you for that kind applause! - clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap I said, thank you! - clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap If you don't stop
ga000221 -- applauding, I can't start my act. He's on to us.
ga000222 -- Presenting Odie...the dog of a thousand faces! - - Give or take 999.
ga000223 -- Spotlight! - SPOTLIGHT, you idiots! - KRONG!
ga000224 -- - - I have an older following.
ga000225 -- We have a really BIG show tonight! - -
ga000226 -- Hey! - I have a right to singl the blues! - I also have the right to eat the pepperoni off of everyone else's pizza.
ga000227 -- - Yip! Yip! What is it, boy? - Jon! Little Timmy has fallen down the old well! - And, as it turns out, he LOVES it down there! - He has a TV and a VCR, and he's away from his evil foster parents... - So PLEASE don't rescue him! - This is one
ga000227 -- of the days I'm glad I don't speak "cat".
ga000228 -- - - How to Annoy How NOT to be Annoyed
ga000229 -- You better not mess with us, Jon! Right, Odie? - - See? He agrees with me.
ga000301 -- I'm using a new shampoo. - - As what?
ga000302 -- Good morning, Garfield. Go away! - Special day today! I said, "go away". - It's "Check your-pet-for-parasites day"! I know a lawyer!
ga000303 -- It's friday night, Garfield. - Another weekend of TV and junk food... - Falling asleep during some mindless movie... Yesss!
ga000304 -- YAWN - For those of you who came in late, here's what you missed. - YAWN
ga000305 -- - Dinner! - Soup? - Soup?! - SOUP?!! - It's cream of lasagna. - Souuuuuuuup.
ga000306 -- skitter skitter skitter . STOMP! - What's the point of having all these legs if I can't outrun anybody?
ga000307 -- Dwayne, look at you! What happened?! - SMACK - That.
ga000308 -- I have 342 kids...all teenagers. - WHACK! - Thank you. Any time.
ga000309 -- - A hobo spider...now I've seen everything. Buddy, can you spare a fly? Now I've HEARD everything, too.
ga000310 -- My, my, my, that's a big hammer. - You must be a construction worker. - Salt of the earth, that's what. Now for the ironic twist.
ga000311 -- - - Funny, I don't remember swatting a spider.
ga000312 -- - I'll see you then! - I have a date every night this week! - Because the women, they love me! - - - They say everyone in the world has a double somewhere. Jon!
ga000313 -- - Well, I have something to do. Go ahead. - I think I can handle this by myself.
ga000314 -- "...and while the dog slept, the cat sat at the whetstone sharpening his claws." - "Tonight would be an eventful night indeed..." To be continued... -
ga000315 -- Staring at me doesn't bother me at all. - - SO STOP IT!
ga000316 -- Here's a good cause, Garfield. - I might look into this. All right! - It's an endangered species list. Oh, it's not a menu?
ga000317 -- I have a date, and the only thing clean is my gorilla suit. - - YEAAAAH! He never fails to disappoint me.
ga000318 -- I hate to admit it, but I miss Jon. - I miss the laughter...the kindness... - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!Maybe I should let him out the closet.
ga000319 -- - SLAM! - What a day! - I was downtown and saw a place to get your palm read, so I went in. - This old gypsy woman took one look at my palm and couldn't stop laughing! Naturally, this upset me... - So I took out my gum and stuck it on her
ga000319 -- crystal ball. And that's when she got mad and put this curse on me. - Sooo, what's the curse?
ga000320 -- Here you go, hot from the grill! - - My omelette has feathers. Swap you for the one with a beak.
ga000321 -- Two tuna specials, please. - Sob! ...sorry, I get emotional. - My first husband passed away while eating the tuna special. Cheese! I'll have a grilled cheese!
ga000322 -- This cheeseburger is delicious, Irma! - What's your secret? We let our cheese age, hon. - Been sitting in my pickup for almost six months now. Spit take on three...
ga000323 -- How's my lobster dinner coming? - *SNAP* *SNAP* YAAHH! - BY DOES! IT'S GOT BY DOSE! It'll be right up. ...with one interesting garnish.
ga000324 -- Would you care for an after-dinner coffee drink? - Sure! What have you got? - Well, there's your regular and your decaf. You've gotta love your diner.
ga000325 -- Nothing going on over there. - Nothing going on over there. - This must be where the action is.
ga000326 -- I'm terribly sorry... - That was Mrs. Feeny complaining about you again. - You are NOT to set foot on her property again, understand?! - - * RING - - GET YOUR *TOE* OFF HER LAWN!!
ga000327 -- I could use some cheering up. - No way, Jose. - I'm not leaving.
ga000328 -- - You're a lazy bum, Odie! - I like to give him a little praise when he deserves it.
ga000329 -- Harold, I'm afraid! Fear not, Harriet. I shall defend you to the end! - GULP - Well, my job is done.
ga000330 -- I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. - - pat pat pat Good for you.
ga000331 -- I have a date tonight! - I wonder what I should give her? - How about a head start?
ga000401 -- Another day has gone by. - Why shouldn't it? - We sure did nothing to stop it.
ga000402 -- click - ...get rich through real estate! click - ...and now we'll pait a happy little deer by our little brook... click - ...burn fat! Add muscle! click - ...just rub on and watch those wrinkles melt away! click - ...it slices! It dices! -
ga000402 -- Where were you? Oh, just dabbling, doodling, pumping, primping, slicing, dicing...
ga000403 -- You ate one of my goldfish! - Now this one will be sad and lonely! - Just sad. GARFIELD!
ga000404 -- Hey, hey. - You know, it's bad luck to eat a goldfish! - So, I'll stay out of the casinos.
ga000405 -- Garfield! You ate my goldfish! Did not! - Did too! Did not! - Did too!
ga000406 -- Have you no shame? - Shame...shame... - Nope.
ga000407 -- Garfield, have you met my new goldfish? Why yes, I... - ! - PTOO clonk
ga000408 -- Full moon tonight. - That's when I turn into a primal beast. - I see I'm not alone. - Go ahead. Stick your hand in here.
ga000409 -- Wow! - Look at that pretty girl in the water, Garfield! I'll get her attention! - SHARK! - YAAAHHH! EEEEK! YAAA! - Look...here she comes! - SLAP! How dare you panic all those people! - Well, it can't get any worse than this. You called?
ga000410 -- Boy, this is taking forever. - tap tap - Stop signs don't turn green, you dip.
ga000411 -- I'm hungry. - What are you doing in the glove compartment, Garfield? Looking for a snack. - Care to join me? We have ketchup, mustard, relish, salt and soy sauce.
ga000412 -- Jon cleaned his windshield this morning, and guess what that means... - SPLAP - You got it. YAAAH!
ga000413 -- Two Happy Burgers. You don't sound happy. - I said, two Happy Burgers, pal! - Well, maybe you'll like a Grumpy Burger. - HAPPY BURGERS! Would you like some rude fries with that?
ga000414 -- I'm expecting an important call. - - Even a WRONG NUMBER could be important! I'll leave you alone with your fantasies.
ga000415 -- Garfield, there's a rat out there! - It's big enought to eat a dog! - So, do something! * Heere, Odie!
ga000416 -- - - - - - scritch scritch scritch - "Dear Diary..." Har-dee-har, har, har, Arbuckle.
ga000417 -- hammer hammer hammer hammer WHACK! - MOMMY! - Uh, I mean, ow! Too late.
ga000418 -- Yah. Paper cut. - YAAH Envelope cut. - THAAAH And that would be the stamp.
ga000419 -- Ah gah a papah on my thung licking ahn anvewope. - Potato chip? Thunks. - NYAAH GAAHH NYAH NYAH GAH GAH GAH Fun with salt.
ga000420 -- hammer hammer hammer hammer WHACK! - OWWwwsaaay... - THAT'S an interesting shade... Wave bye-bye to Mr. Fingernail.
ga000421 -- saw saw saw saw saw sa- Oops. - Boy, I hope that can be sewn back on. - Hey, I lost a button...Garfield?
ga000422 -- hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer - hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer - BOY, this is a long nail. Try hitting it with your forehead.
ga000423 -- - - - - -
ga000424 -- We need a change. - - How's that? It's a start.
ga000425 -- The tablecloth just isn't enough. We really need to spice this place up. - -
ga000426 -- THE TOILET IS OVERFLOWING! - - Odie's cup runneth over.
ga000427 -- DING ** DONG - - There's a dictionary salesman who's like to have a word with you.
ga000428 -- I'm thinking positively, Garfiel. That phone WILL ring, it WILL be a woman, and she WILL go out with me! - * RIING HELLO! - Well? I'm taking mom to Bingo saturday.
ga000429 -- Garfield, don't mess with my new plant. - It's very expensive. - And exotic. And friendy.
ga000430 -- - - SMACK! - - SMACK! - Garfield, what are you doing? I'm practicing being exasperated. - I'm videotaping my sock drawer! SMACK!
ga000501 -- This was my great uncle Norbert. - He was a color-blind electrician. - He had more trouble with those read and black wires. Interesting hair style.
ga000502 -- There's my great uncle Floyd. He drove a dynamite truck. - And there he is again... - and there, and there, and there...
ga000503 -- This is a picture of "Scraps," our neighbor's dog on the farm. - Boy, he loved to play fetch. - Then, one day he chased a stick right into a thresher. At least he lived up to his name.
ga000504 -- ...and here's good old uncle Buford, a lifelong bachelor. - I never could figure out why. - Maybe it was that third arm... Couldn't exactly shop off of the rack, could he?
ga000505 -- ...and there's cousin leonard. - He believed he'd been kidnapped by aliens. - The aliens, of course, denied the whole thing. - Okay, NOW I'm frigthened. Are you frigthened?
ga000506 -- There's old uncle Enos... - He was the state champion apple corer. - He had three medals. And six fingers too, I see.
ga000507 -- - - Mister big shot! - Not so high and mighty without your newspaper, are you?! - Well, now the advantage is MINE! Ha ha ha ha ha!! - FLINK - Z I loathe you.
ga000508 -- ATTENTION, THERE! - I HAVE tHE BEAR! - COME OUT OF THE BED NOW! You'll never take me awake!
ga000509 -- When you're overweight, you have questions... - How is my energy?... How is my health?... - Am I wearing loafers?
ga000510 -- I taught Odie a new trick! - Who broke this vase?! - Take the rap, Odie! Take the rap!
ga000511 -- Thanks, doctor. - GARFIELD, THAT WAS THE VET'S OFFICE! - YOU HAVE A FUNGUS! Great! Say it a little louder, why don't you?!
ga000512 -- No one has ever regretted going out with me, Gina. - Well, maybe they got a little upset. - All right! They changed their names and moved! But no regrets.
ga000513 -- Always stretch before you exercise. - Got it. - Never stretch.
ga000514 -- - Nobody understands me! - Not you! - And not you! - Oh, maybe my sock puppet understands me a LITTLE... - But not YOU guys! - And that's a good thing, right, Odie?
ga000515 -- Jon's doing a little home improvement today. * TWANG - - He's just attempting to adjust his recliner. CRASH!
ga000516 -- Welcome, you're just within time! Jon is screwing in a light bulb. screw screw screw KLUNK! - screw screw screw KLUNK! - Darn! Clockwise, brain boy!
ga000517 -- Welcome back. Today, Jon is... - - -replacing a washer in the kitchen faucet. ABANDON HOUSE!!
ga000518 -- Hey! A chocolate donut! - POW! - Hey! Where's my inner tube?!
ga000519 -- Friday night: - - I bet the ringer is busted. Right sure, yeah, we'll run with that.
ga000520 -- whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - BLEEEAACCKKK YACK ACK ACK ACK G-G-G-G-GACK - Stupid blender! Aw, that was your best necktie, too.
ga000521 -- * riiing - * riiing Hello? - Yes, Mrs. Feeny? ...your little dog? ...collar taken? ...shaved bald? ...painted green? ---uh-huh? Yeesh. - No, he's been here asleep all day. Yes, all day, really, uh-huh...goodbye. - - - *
ga000522 -- So, Garfield. - How's the laziness business? - Slow.
ga000523 -- Cats and mice are SUPPOSED to be enemies! - Fascinating. - Merits discussion. Cheese? My place.
ga000524 -- I'm tired of looking at that face of yours, Odie. - - Cool! Now do a hamster!
ga000525 -- - AAA! AAA! - LEG CRAMP! LEG CRAMP! It's always about YOU, isn't it?
ga000526 -- ** DING-DONG - Are you Jon's date? - ...stamp your foot once for yes and twice for no.
ga000527 -- - - SIGH
ga000528 -- - - Garfield, I feel that life is passing us by. - - - - Passing us by...heck, it's lapped us.
ga000529 -- ...and what do we have for the runners-up, Bob? - We have a lovely parting gift for each of them Chuck... - One-way tickets to LOSERville! At last, an honest game show.
ga000530 -- Welcome to the All-Opera Channel. click - Welcome to "Great Works of Literature". click - Welcome to "Professional Monkey Wrestling". At last!
ga000531 -- Woof! Woof! - Woof! Woof! - Woof! Woob! CUT! Real dumb.
ga000601 -- We have with us a man who can talk backwards! - Good evening, sir... - iH - elbaveilebnU.
ga000602 -- Tonight we're interviewing a man without knees! - Good evening, sir...have a seat. - What is that? Some sort of sick joke?! Ooo, touchy, aren't we? Ask him how he ties his shoes.
ga000603 -- clickety clickety clickety clickety - clickety clickety clickety clickety -"Knittin' with Phil" will be right back... As opposed to myself.
ga000604 -- Sigh - What is the purpose of my life? - I exist to feed you! - What's that? ...a weekend in Hawaii? No, I have to slop the cat. - The medal of honor?! No, my cat hasn't eaten in three minutes. - We're here to remember Jon...a man devoted top
ga000604 -- opening cat food. - Stick a stamp on my head and mail me to Loserville! This is cold.
ga000605 -- Look, a card from Dr. Liz, the vet...it's time for your checkup! - Oh, boy! Maybe she'll find something WRONG with you! - Then we can go back to see her again and again! Can you just feel the love in the room?
ga000606 -- Wanna go for a little ride in the car, Garfield? Uh-ho. - That question can only mean one of two things. The lady vet or the farm. - Just let me splash a little more cologne and we'll go. It's the vet.
ga000607 -- OK, Garfield, we're at the vet's. Now behave yourself. - And remember, the fish tank in the waiting room is NOT a buffet. - That means the bib, lemon wedge and drawn butter stay in the car. You are no Mr. Fun, you know that?
ga000608 -- Garfield is here for his checkup. - - Species? Cat. And you, lady?
ga000609 -- I hate waiting rooms. - I hate the stupid pamphlets they put in the waiting rooms. - Look, Garfield, an ingrown nose hair! Can I get a painkiller over here?
ga000610 -- I hate the vet's office. - They should at least serve coffee. - And have a separate waiting room for dogs. I'm gonna get a shot! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
ga000611 -- - VET CLINIC - kaff kaff hack hack gag - The doctor is running about an hour late. Please have a seat. hack aak. - a-chew snort haaaack koff kaff gack
ga000612 -- Hmm...I see you have a birthday coming up. Birthdays don't "come up". - They jump on you like a brown bear on a picnic basket, like a gorilla on a tire swing. like a fat clown on a mini tramp... - Like bags on a cat's eyes!
ga000613 -- Odie, soon I'll be turning 22... - Sigh... Sigh... - Hee hee I heard that.
ga000614 -- So what would you like for your birthday this year? - - That has got to be the mother of all can openers. Three-fifty, dual-cam, fuel-injected five-speed!
ga000615 -- So you're going to be 22, huh? That's right. - - Want to reminisce about your gallbladder or something?
ga000616 -- Getting older isn't so bad, Garfield... Oh, no? - Why, I remember when *I* turned 22... - Wait a minute...no, I don't. SEE?!!
ga000617 -- I glued the top onto Garfield's birthday present so he can't peek. - That should keep him thinking all weekend. - Right now I'm thinking some air holes would be nice.
ga000618 -- Sigh... - What a lovely day. - The sun is shining... - The bees are buzzing... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - The birds are singing... ** * - The cat's stomach is growling... - What a lovely day.
ga000619 -- Garfield, it's monday... - I HATE mondays! - ...annd your birthday! -but, what do I know?
ga000620 -- - GARFIELD - You know you've arrived when you get your own parking space.
ga000621 -- You'd like me, Velma. I'm a very down-to-earth kind of guy... - Traditional and old.fashioned, that's me. - So, do you wanna go to the Henry County Chicken Pluck Frida yNight? I'LL go.
ga000622 -- I wish that phone would ring, and that it would be a beautiful woman's voice. * riiiinng - Hello? Hel-LO! - Well? My car payment is late.
ga000623 -- Nice dinner, nice movie... - No goodnight kiss. - Halfway to the front porch, she sucker punched me and ran. Did this one take your wallet too?
ga000624 -- - I had the vet take Garfield's temeprature. - Let's talk health here. Let's talk dignity here.
ga000625 -- ! - Garfield! - When I left this room, there was a hamburger on this plate. - When I returned, all that was left was this pickle chip. - Now, I have my suspicions, but I don't want to jump to any hasty conclusions. - So tell me...what should
ga000625 -- I do? - You could leave the room again so I could take care of that pickle chip.
ga000626 -- So, doc, how have you been? Fine. - And how is your boyfriend? I don't have a boy- - ...friend. Lady, you have no one to blame but yourself.
ga000627 -- Enough of my macho posturing, Liz...may I have the pleasure of escorting you to a movie? - ...since you put it that way, yes... - ALL RIGHT, BAY-BEE! YESSSS! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO!
ga000628 -- DING-DONG ** - Hi, Liz. Hmm...cheap suit, but nicely pressed...neat haircut...maybe this date won't be a disaster. - We're ready! Man the lifeboats...
ga000629 -- Do you like the corsage, Liz? - It's beautiful, Jon, but... - How am I supposed to see the movie? I could nibble some eye holes for you.
ga000630 -- Are you sure you're going to get away with this, Jon? - Oh, yeah...we go to the movies here all the time. - Two, please. Hey, Morty! The freak with the tail is back!
ga000701 -- So, Jon, what movie are we seeing? - "Sludge Monster VII: The Oozing". - Would you like a bucket of popcorn? No, just the bucket, please.
ga000702 -- - - mmmmm - YAWN - - a-HEM - Sigh a-HEM
ga000703 -- Isn't this great, Liz? I've been waiting for weeks to see this movie! Pardon me. - Look! It's starting! Excuse me...pardon me... - I * Elvis
ga000704 -- You HAD to change seats, didn't you? - I couldn't see with that fat gux in front of me. But this is the front row! My eyes are crossing. - At least we won't get nosebleeds. My neck is stiff. And if those sprinklers go off, we'll drown!
ga000705 -- Boy, that popcorn sure smells good, doesn't it? - Uh, excuse me... - Get your own!
ga000706 -- Pretty scary movie,, huh Liz? If you get too frightened, feel free to throw your arms around me. - RAAAHHHHRR!!! - My knight in shining armor. suck suck suck suck suck suck More like your sissy in double knit.
ga000707 -- Thank you for the movie, Jon. You're very sweet. And I'd just like to say... HONK! HONK! HONK! - GARFIELD! If you don't stop honking that horn, I'm going to rip it out off the steering column and shove it up your nose! - SLAM! Hello?
ga000708 -- S'matter, hon? Unlucky at love? You can tell? - Yeah, you have that look. What look is that? - You look like you're having coffee in a siut with your cat in a diner on a saturday night. The woman is psychic.
ga000709 -- - Hello, cat. Hello, tree. - Feel like a nice climb up me? Not a chance. - - Very clever, but the answer is still no. - Nice try. - * ding Oh, I'm weakening.
ga000710 -- - Happy monday. - The mother of all oxymorons.
ga000711 -- There's a dead bird on the lawn...must've flown into a window. - Poor dumb animal. - WHACK! Sliding glass door.
ga000712 -- Psst, hey pal...c'mere. - - Wanny buy a watch?
ga000713 -- ** DING-DONG - - Do we need any truffels?
ga000714 -- Barbara, would you like to go out with. CLICK - Hello? ... Hello?! - I don't believe it! We were cut off! It must be very peaceful in Jonland.
ga000715 -- * chirp chirp chirp * - chirp ch... - ...irp
ga000716 -- - GA - ping R - zing F - wing I - E - GULP L - Seconds? D
ga000717 -- I smell hamburgers. - Do you smell hamburgers? - Maybe you should move that thing outside. But I AM outside.
ga000718 -- Well, the battery in my car is dead again. - I can't understand how I keep forgetting to turn my headlights off! - About your night games...
ga000719 -- I'm declaring this house free of mice! - - And, if anybody asks, you're a hamster.
ga000720 -- * - NOK NOK - The aluminium siding has to go. But it was such a deal!
ga000721 -- - saw saw saw - Where are you going? Switzerland.
ga000722 -- Yes, what's the best way to get rid of mice? - Gee, what a grear idea! - "Get...a......cat". I'm drowning in sarcasm here.
ga000723 -- Ahem... - Can you spare a cup of crickets? Sorry. - How a bout a pinch of gnats? No can do, pal. - Dot any diced dung beetle? Darn, just ran out. - Minced millipede? Had it for leftovers last night. - A fistful of fuit flies? If you had
ga000723 -- stopped by yesterday... - Well, there goes my jambalaya. Thank goodness.
ga000724 -- Smile and the whole world smiles with you. - - I'll never do that again.
ga000725 -- All is well in my world. - We were out of shampoo, so I used floor wax! - Fortunately, Jon is not in my world.
ga000726 -- They say having a pet can lower your blood pressure. - They say having a pet can relax you. - I need a 5/16 drill bit. ...so they say.
ga000727 -- Did you know that dogs pant to cool themselves? pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant - pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant - And to annoy me?
ga000728 -- Ellen, what say we drive out to Lovers' Lane tonight? - Oh, there's a place you'd rather go? - No, I've neve rheard of "You make me puke" Lane. I know that place.
ga000729 -- I think I'll lie here for a while. - Then, after that... - I think I'll lie here for a while.
ga000730 -- - - -click- - tappy tappy type type tappy tappy type - -click- - Your order has been processed, thank you. - "www.dingleball.com"?
ga000731 -- It's the crown prince of laziness! - All hail his highness, Prince Fat Slob! - Off with his mouth!
ga000801 -- There are days when I just don't feel like doing anything. Take today for instance... - -
ga000802 -- Garfield, all you ever do is sleep. - What if the whole world were like you? - We'd be a poor, yet rested people.
ga000803 -- HI, I'm a worm. - I burrow under the ground and eat dirt. What do you do for fun? - I like to boogie down on the sidewalk after a good rain.
ga000804 -- Do you like being a worm? - Do cats eat worms? No. - I LOVE being a worm.
ga000805 -- So, you live underground and eat soil? That's right. - What do you do for a living? Dig. - That's not too glamorous. It puts dirt on the table.
ga000806 -- Whew! - Boy, it's a scorcher today! It sure is. - You look like you could use a break from the heat, pal... - Nooo, no...you're just a mirage. You can't be real. - You'll never know for sure unless you have a little taste. - C'mon. You know
ga000806 -- you want me... - He's licking your lawn ornament?
ga000807 -- Garfield, is this your coffee or mine? - sip - Mine.
ga000808 -- Yip! Yip! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yip! - Yip! Yap! Yip! Yap! Yap! Yip! Yap! Yip! - That's telling it.
ga000809 -- I think I pulled a muscle in my pinky finger while trimming the bougainvillaea. - Well, it HURTS! Stand back, everyone...give this man some air...the ambulance is on its way...
ga000810 -- You irk me. - Dictionary - Thank you!
ga000811 -- I saw a woman at the mall today with a big tattoo of a bowling ball on her leg. - She wore an eye patch, and was carrying an iguana. - You asked her out, didn't you? Shot me down like a one-winged duck.
ga000812 -- Ahhhh...that was a great meal, wasn't it? - What?...oh yeah, sure. - slup slup slup slup That boy loves pizza.
ga000813 -- bzzzzzz - I'm a fly. So I see. - I have wings and you don't. I can fly and you can't. - I can walk on the ceiling and you can't. - I have compound eyes made up of hundreds of hexagonally-fitting facets, and - SMACK - With all those eyes,
ga000813 -- you'd have thought he would have seen that coming.
ga000814 -- I was a lonely child, Garfield. Ho boy... - My playmates were barnyard animals. - Ever try to get a heifer into a ftree house? Let's not go there.
ga000815 -- Ursuella Nelson...my first girlfriend. - We had some wild times. - At night we'd sneak out to the barn and drink unpasteurized milk! Another piece of the puzzle!
ga000816 -- I'm not a countryboy anymore, mom. - I even buy eggs at a store. - Don't cry, ma! You could have broken it to her more gently.
ga000817 -- I remember summer nights on the farm... - A gentle breeze wafting through the meadow... - Chasing each other with cattle prods... There was something in the water.
ga000818 -- Here's a great picture from the farm. - It was taken the day we got indoor plumbing. - The entire family gathered around the toilet. You mom looks so proud cutting that ribbon.
ga000819 -- I wasn't a popular child, Garfield. Go figure. - The other kids would go out and play "Jump Rope". - When I came out, it was "Tie the geek to a tree". Hey, they included you.
ga000820 -- - - - - - - All right, that was three times...now lie down.
ga000821 -- - - BRING MY PANTS BACK!
ga000822 -- slap! slap! AAIIIIIEEEE - Nothing like a little aftershave lotion to help you find that paper cut.
ga000823 -- I finally got the toilet unclogged. - Know what it was? - Well?! He was having a drink, and I was in a playful mood...
ga000824 -- WHIRRRRRRRRRR That's it, Jonny boy...that's it! - WHIRRRRRRRRR Make that baby WHINE! - WHIRRRRRRRRRRR ATTA BABY! ATTA BABY!
ga000825 -- ** DING-DONG - YAAAHHHH! - Your date's here.
ga000826 -- It's so sad that you don't know how to share. - - Sad for YOU, maybe.
ga000827 -- WAH-HOO! - Bay-bee! Bay-bee! - Yes, yes, yes, yes, YESSSSSSS! - Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - Hoo da man?! Hoo da man?! You da man.
ga000828 -- Paper says there's an ice age coming. - It'll be here in two million years. - Better start moving to the cellar, Garfield... Ha, ha, ha...
ga000829 -- Says here they discovered an ancient city. - Maybe someday they'll find this house! - Wonder what they'll say. "Archaeologist finds bad suit".
ga000830 -- - I'm still here. - I can read VERY slowly. I can sit for a LONG time.
ga000831 -- I saw a beautiful woman on the bus yesterday, Garfield. - It was love at first sight. - At least on my part. "Woman jumps from moving bus".
ga000901 -- When I'm done with the paper, I'll fix your dinner. - RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP - As soon as I said that, I knew it was a mistake. You're done with the paper. Now, fix my dinner!
ga000902 -- There are a lot of problems in the worls. - SOME of which aren't your fault. - Rare praise indeed.
ga000903 -- * - - ! - - - - tap tap Scary Stories II
ga000904 -- Help! I'm a jelly-filled donut! - I'm afraid someone will eat me! - Will you protect me? Some days, life kisses you right on the lips.
ga000905 -- I'm hot. - I'm hot. - Hot's taken. You'll have to be cold.
ga000906 -- The last cookie is gone. - And I think it's safe to assume where it went. Don't be too sure... - I'M not the one with chocolate chips on my tongue.
ga000907 -- www.coffeequick.com tic tic tic - click ** DING-DONG - I now officially love the Internet.
ga000908 -- But WHY won't you go out with me, Beth?! - I can't dance?! Well, I CAN dance! - I'm doing a box step with my cat right now! - Why do you always have to lead?
ga000909 -- Boy, it's hot! - clop clop clop - And we're short of ice cube trays!
ga000910 -- - - - - -
ga000911 -- - Cootchie, cootchie, coo! - You can't stay on the ceiling forever.
ga000912 -- I ate a millipede for lunch. - How was it? Awful! - He went down kicking and screaming and kicking and screaming and kicking...
ga000913 -- - SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT - That was some impressive open-field running. Thank you.
ga000914 -- My uncle Barton was an actor. - He died tragically while shooting a bug spray commercial. - They gave hima union funeral...open cocoon, 21-fly salute...everything. - You're boring me.
ga000915 -- Did you squish my husband yesterday?! Probably. - Then I need you to sign these insurance papers verifying he wasn't injured on the job. What was his job? - Household pest. Then was on the clock, lady.
ga000916 -- Would you like to hear the story of my life? Sure. - SMACK - Keep it short!
ga000917 -- Hot pepper eating contest! - Jalapeno! - Cyenne! - Habanero! - Peruvian death pepper! - FOOM! - You win... Then why am I not happy?
ga000918 -- You're reading? - Instead of paying attention to me?! - Here's an article about you. I can wait.
ga000919 -- The dog says, "arf". - The cow says, "moo". - And the cat says, ... Leave me alone or I'll buy your book.
ga000920 -- He just keeps on reading. - Totally ignoring my needs. - Forcing me to pull one of those little hairs out of his neck.
ga000921 -- Wouldn't it be great to walk on the moon, Garfield? - Oh, I see right through your thinly weiled ploy, pal... - Always trying to get me to exercise!
ga000922 -- "A rubber mouse can provide hours of entertainment for your cat". - Which reminds me... - Where's yours? Melted it down. Made earplugs.
ga000923 -- Jon learns a word every day. - Here's a good one! - The same word. "Filbert".
ga000924 -- Come, my son... - Are you ready, my son? Yes, my father. - For generations our men have been tested. - He who catches the brick will lead our people. - I will make you proud, may father. Good luck, my son. - CLUNK - I guess this means you're
ga000924 -- still the leader. Go figure.
ga000925 -- - - Out of Order
ga000926 -- Jon's always followed his own fashoin path. - squeek clank squeek clank squeek clank - Stainless steel trousers. squeek clank squeek clank squeek clank I am soooo hip.
ga000927 -- PHHHHHHHHHHHT! - Now you try it. - Towel, please.
ga000928 -- You'd better not pick on me, cat, 'cause if you do... - I'll tell my big brother! - Please spare me.
ga000929 -- Hey, lady, it's friday night! - Maybe you'd like to go to a movie or something? - You can't knit anytime, grandma! A new rejection record!
ga000930 -- Sometimes I don't feel wanted. - Oh, goody, mail! Anything for me? Not much... - Just this eviction note from the planet earth.
ga001001 -- ssssss - - - - - Hey! There's cat hair all over the waffle iron! - Tell me something I DON'T know!
ga001002 -- Taking care of a cat isn't easy, but it's worth it! - - To the cat, I mean.
ga001003 -- Here's another ball of yarn! - - Twice the fun.
ga001004 -- Ah, the simple pleasure of lying in a basket of freshly washed laundry. - Get out of there. - Be careful, lest you offend ZARTOK, earthling!
ga001005 -- - - I was painting, you were shedding. I love what you've done with this room!
ga001006 -- I think I'll chase my tail. - Gotcha. - I don't know what dogs see in this.
ga001007 -- Listen to that! rrrr rrrr rrrr - There's no mistaking the purring of a contented cat. rrr rrr rrr - You forgot to jiggle the handle again. rrr rrr
ga001008 -- blah blah blah blah blah... - blah blah blah blah blah... - blah blah blah blah blah... - blah blah blah blah blah... - blah blah blah blah blah... - blah blah blah blah blah... - ...and on days we didn't have chores to do, Doc Boy and I
ga001008 -- would borrow the tractor and drive down to town where the real action...we'd hang out at the gas station ...buy two bottles of pop and open them with our teeth. - Then, Doc... count how many red cars dr...and I'd count how many blue cars
ga001008 -- drove past
ga001009 -- I could have done things with my life. - But I didn't. -
ga001010 -- Sometimes it's hard to express our inner feelings. Nonsense. - I LOVE BACON! - Your turn.
ga001011 -- I'm growing a moustache, Garfield. - Facial hair is macho, you know. - I'VE always thought so.
ga001012 -- Odie, you're such a good boy! - And Garfield, you're such a...such a... - cat. A "good boy" would kill you, wouldn't it?
ga001013 -- That bully didn't like me looking at his girlfriend. - But the joke's on him. - My tie was darn tasty. That will teach him.
ga001014 -- Jon and Odie aren't home. - I hate being by myself. - There's no thrill in stealing your own food.
ga001015 -- Z - Z - Z - Z - Z - Z - Where have you been? Taking a progressive nap.
ga001016 -- Tails! - Heads! - Heads! - Welcome to "Catnip Corner"!
ga001017 -- Tonight, on "Weird but True," we're interviewing a man with a railroad spike through his head! Hi, Bob, glad to be here. - So, sir, how exactly did this happen? Hi, Bob, glad to be here. - Uh...has this affected you in any way? Hi, Bob, glad
ga001017 -- to be here. Ask him if he's glad to be there!
ga001018 -- It's the "Binky the Clown Show"! - Today is "Health Day," kids! Let's see who's at the door... - Why, it's "Petey," the bloated tick! That is one ugly puppet.
ga001019 -- Okay, I admit it. I was wrong. Whaddya want, an apology?! - All, right, FINE! I'm sorry, do you hear me?!...SORRY! - S-O-R-R-Y!!! The weatherman is losing it.
ga001020 -- I did something unusual last night, Garfield. - I videotaped my entire date! click - Here she is slashing my tires. She's waving.
ga001021 -- Welcome to sixty minutes of televised silence. - - Read a book, why don't you? Quality programming.
ga001022 -- - My hair's on fire! - Ankle-biting woodchucks! - I'm being deported to Mongolia! - Locusts! - Your dinner will be a teense late. - Why does everything happen to ME?!
ga001023 -- Now take that glass of milk... - Is it half full, or half empty? Depends. - Do you have half a cookie?
ga001024 -- cluck cluck - cluck cluck - That might explain the fried hat for dinner.
ga001025 -- Do NOT kick the dog - - WHAP!
ga001026 -- I feel kinda low, mom. - I have no friends, I can'T get a date... - And the cat is wearing my underwear. I prefer your boxers.
ga001027 -- I have a date with Sally tonight, Garfield. - She likes her men strong and rugged. - I'm wearing a gorilla suit. With those shoes?
ga001028 -- My memories...by Jon Arbuckle. - I was born on a farm. - And them I wrote about my boring, empty existence. Short but honest.
ga001029 -- YAWN - - - I'M sorry, sir, your're too late. We're no longer serving breakfast this morning. - - SQUEEEZE - Boy, that smarts.
ga001030 -- ** DING-DONG - Do you own an orange cat? Uh, yes. - Mr. Throttle's tulip bed is off limits. Let's see you scratch your nose.
ga001031 -- Garfield, I think we have vampires. - There are two puncture holes in my donut. - And all the jelly's been sucked out! I'll be in my coffin.
ga001101 -- ** DING-DONG - - The guy is here to fix the roof.
ga001102 -- ** DING-DONG - - Can we spare a cup of ants?
ga001103 -- ** DING-DONG - - Do you want your car washed?
ga001104 -- ** DING-DONG - - Who was it? I never discuss existentialism before noon.
ga001105 -- - What a beautiful day! - - - - Only one little cloud. - ...one stinking little cloud.
ga001106 -- It's almost time to eat. - What think, Garfield? I'm going to say this once, Jon. - Anytime I'm NOT eating is "almost time to eat".
ga001107 -- Hey, Odie! - - Never mind.
ga001108 -- I wonder where Jon is? - The toes on my right foot are hairier than the toes on my left foot! - LEt's pretend I couldn't find him.
ga001109 -- Do you think you get enough exercise? Exercise? - Do I get enough exercise?! - I think I just pulled a muscle.
ga001110 -- - CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! - WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! Because your date is at the door.
ga001111 -- I made a list of the things we need from the grocery... - - "Everything". Get two. I'm hungry!
ga001112 -- - bzzzzzzzzzzz - zzzzzz - zzzzz - zip Gotcha! GRAB - Hey... - Are you gonna eat that?...
ga001113 -- If you squish me, you'll hate yourself in the morning! - Not likely. - I'm never up before noon.
ga001114 -- You squished my mother! You squished my father! -  You squished my brother! You squished my sister! You squished my sister! You squished my sister! You squished my brother! You squished my sister! - You squished my brother! You squished my
ga001114 -- brother! You squished my sister! Let's hope he's the last of the line.
ga001115 -- Oh, great...my hands are asleep and my nose itches! - a-HEM - Howzat? Sa'right.
ga001116 -- Hey, cat, this is my cousin, Louie the Tarantula. - SMACK! - Who, by the way, I never really liked.
ga001117 -- I had a moth for dinner last night. - Was it good? You bet! - Flame broiled to perfection on th eporch light...num!
ga001118 -- I feel like taking on the world! - ? -
ga001119 -- - RRRRRRRRRR - RRRRRRRRRRR - RRRRRRRRRR - RRRRRRRRRR - Okay, Garfield...I left you a spot. - Whatta guy.
ga001120 -- This is interesting... - Say here your pet's name should reflect its personality. - What think, sloth boy? Could be, thimble brain.
ga001121 -- I'm bored. - You're also boring. - You do it all!
ga001122 -- No, that's not it. - It was a stick! - I hate fetch.
ga001123 -- Hi, I'm Howie the Happy Turkey! - Brrrr...I'm cold! Would you put me in the oven? - Stop it, Garfield. I wanna be a sandwich!
ga001124 -- Ellen, this is Jon. - CLICK - Oh, no! Someone cut her phone line! Sound like a job for a denial man.
ga001125 -- I remember the mischief we got into as kids. - We'd sneak up to a house... - And flip their welcome mat over! Ah, that would explain your key collection.
ga001126 -- - - Hmmm...forgot the catsup. - - * - click WOOP WOOP - Step away from the meat loaf! I sense a lack of trust here.
ga001127 -- The chicks, they just aren't digging me, Garfield. I gotta do something. - Well, Jon, perhaps you should strive to become more empathetic to the female psyche. - That would enable you to establish a more meaningful dialog, thus contributing
ga001127 -- to deeper, more rewarding relationships. Maybe a manicure.
ga001128 -- See that girl staring at me, Garfield? - She can't help it. - I'm a chick magnet. An absent-minded chick magnet.
ga001129 -- Marsha, I'm looking for an old-fashioned girl. - A girl with solid family values... - A girl who can milk a goat dry in three minutes flat! Bye-bye, Marsha.
ga001130 -- Yesiree, Garfield, there are a lot of women out there. - Yesiree...plenty of fish in the sea. - I'll just cast out the old line. Your bait's dead.
ga001201 -- Hello, Grandma? This is Jon. - Well, I'm a little sad. I can't seem to get a date. - She says that's because I'm a dork. I'm sure she meant it in the best possible way.
ga001202 -- You don't remember me, Becky? - No? All right! - Really? Ask her out!
ga001203 -- SLUP - Well, Garfield... - The holidays are coming up... - And it's quiet here... - Too quiet... - WAAAY to quiet... - Maybe I should sing... HARRUMPH MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! slap slap slap slap bam bam bam bam
ga001204 -- I wonder if Garfield knows Christmas is coming soon. - HUG - He knows.
ga001205 -- Snow always makes it feel more christmasy... - - Well, fah lah, lah lah lah...
ga001206 -- What is that snowman doing in the living room? - - Melting.
ga001207 -- Jon's decorating the Christmas tree. - ZZT - Frayed extension cord. That ain't all that's frayed, pal.
ga001208 -- - SMACK - Got a nifty tree topper. Go away!
ga001209 -- Just remember: Santa is WATCHING you. - - Here's to you, big guy!
ga001210 -- - WHUMP! - WHUMP! - ? - WHUMP! - Just testing. - Needs more lard.
ga001211 -- I remember christmases when I was growing up... - ...dad carving the roast fly... - ...the yule gnat burning in the fireplace... You're putting me off my eggnog here.
ga001212 -- I remember back on the farm, we had an electric toy train that ran around the Christmas tree. - Then one year Doc Boy licked the track. - He glowed for three days. I take back everything I said about him no being very bright.
ga001213 -- Behold: the candy cane... - A holiday icon...sleek...dazzling in its simplicity. - And too darn tasty to pontificate on any longer.
ga001214 -- - Haaaaahhhh Mmmmmm - Candy cane breath.
ga001215 -- Let's make a deal... - You tell me where you've hidden my Christmas present... - And I won't rip your lips off and throw them on the roof. I don't like that look.
ga001216 -- ...so what would you say to Santa if he looked you straight in the eye and asked, "have you been GOOD this year?" - Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - That's a kitty cat cop-out. So what? I'm desperate.
ga001217 -- Gad... - I can't take much more of this... - The waiting... - The not knowing... - How is ANYone supposed to stand this kind of suspense. - For...for... - Eight more days. EIGHT MORE DAYS?!!
ga001218 -- slam! - IT WAS HORRIBLE! I BARELY ESCAPED WITH MY LIFE!! - Christmas shopping at the mall.
ga001219 -- Garfield! - That was the shopping mall calling! - Santa's elf wants his booties back. The crybaby.
ga001220 -- Look what came, Garfield...a Christmas package from my mom! - - Okay, I'm going to cut the string... Careful...don't spill the gravy.
ga001221 -- Have you been climbing the Christmas tree? - Not ours. - ** DING DONG Cover for me.
ga001222 -- Sigh...what great Christmas memories... - But, you know, we shouldn't live in the past... I certainly don't. - I live for the PRESENT!
ga001223 -- I'm very sorry, Mrs. Feeny. Happy holidays to you. - She says you left a present on her doormat. 'tis the season for giving. - A hairball?!! I made it myself.
ga001224 -- - - - pant pant pant - pant pant pant - squeak squeak squeak -
ga001225 -- I love Christmas. So do I. - And I love you, Garfield. So do I. - And we all love you! Merry Christmas!
ga001226 -- So long, Christmas! Good-bye! - - Don't be a stranger!
ga001227 -- Hi, Denise, it's Jon! Are you doing anything for New Years's? - - I mean BESIDES avoiding me at all costs. Zing!
ga001228 -- Nobody will go out with me on new year's. - Don't feel bad, Jon. - They wouldn't go out with you even if it weren't new year's. pat pat pat pat
ga001229 -- WHY can't I get a date?! - What am I? Ugly?...No! What am I? Impolite?...No! What a I? Boring?... - Z OH, SHUT UP!
ga001230 -- Dating is overrated. - New year's overrated. - Dates on new year's, however, are not. WAAAH!
ga001231 -- - Ten...nine... - eight...seven... - six...five... - four...three... - two...ONE... - Garfield, it's seven in the morning... Practice makes perfect! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ga010101 -- Here's your mail. - And here's the mailman's wallet. - Leave the poor man alone! Boy, are his kids ugly.
ga010102 -- What do you want to do? - OKay. -
ga010103 -- Home is where you can walk around in your underwear. - Home is where you can drink milk out of the carton. - Home is where you can scratch where it itches.
ga010104 -- I met a reporter yesterday, Garfield. - She was looking for a human-interest story. - She took my picture! "Park Attracts Geeks"
ga010105 -- Friday night... - And I'm home with a cat! - Could anyone be more depressed?
ga010106 -- My life stinks, Garfield...like a wet dog. - Like old sweat socks... - Like... I GET THE POINT!
ga010107 -- - donk! Donk? Donk? - donk donk donk donk donk Wow! Look at that! -  donk donk donk donk Golf ball-sized hail! - donk donk donk donk donk -He really should seek professional help. donk thwock
ga010108 -- I didn't buy any kitty treats, Garfield, and you know why? - Because life is not a treat, that's why. - Rmeember that as I pull out a neck hair.
ga010109 -- I have things to do! - I have places to go! - So, that's what having a life feels like. Never hurts to practice.
ga010110 -- Time to reflect on the day... - YAAAAAHHH!! - Why do you do that to yourself?
ga010111 -- Odie...a water balloon... - A claw... - That didn't turn out quite how I had hoped.
ga010112 -- "The crew of the doomed ship had lost hope." - "Provisions gone...no one had eaten in days..." - "The ship's cat appeared on the deck..." Bedtime!
ga010113 -- We had a cat back on the farm, Garfield. - He was a great ratter. The bigger the better! - You would have liked him. I don't hang with psychos.
ga010114 -- Yes?... - You WILL go out with me?!...if I what?... - - cluck-cluck-buck.buc-buc-buc-kaww... - Am I what? - - Yes, I'm flapping my arms. Heaven forbid he should embarrass himself in front of the cat.
ga010115 -- Quiet on the set! - ACTION! - Nice try.
ga010116 -- All is right in my universe. - Stringmaaaan! - Gotta get a smaller universe.
ga010117 -- I have many hopes and dreams for the future. - I have a salami sandwich! - How about dreaming up some iced tea?
ga010118 -- - - Been eating those fruit-shaped refrigerator magnets again? Maybe.
ga010119 -- BAT - BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT - My parents wanted me to be a sweater, but noooooo...
ga010120 -- Empires raise and fall. - SE?! - WHY RISE?!
ga010121 -- bip bip boop beep boop - Hello, is Evelyn there? - What's that? She doesn't live there anymore? - She's hopped a freighter for Borneo? - She's forsworn all her material possessions and modern ways of living? - Wow. - She didn't mention that
ga010121 -- on our date last night. You do have that effect on women.
ga010122 -- Today wasn't a good day. - But I guess it wasn't a bad day either. - So you're saying it wasn't a day at all.
ga010123 -- I'm not going to shed anymore. - I've contracted the job out. -
ga010124 -- Out there are all of nature's wonders! - In here are corn chips and dip. - I want it all!
ga010125 -- Crime, taxes, war, strife... - Natural disasters, economic ruin... - Sigh... There sure is a lot of shedding in this world.
ga010126 -- - Make a note, Garfield. - Never eat a goldfish right before bedtime.
ga010127 -- You! - Remember this! - It's not polite to point!
ga010128 -- - - - - - - FOOMP -
ga010129 -- Good movie on tonight, Garfield. - Herbie the Chipmunk in... - "Attack of the Tiny Herbivores". I guess all the scary animals have been used up.
ga010130 -- "Moby Dick". - Big whale...obsessed sea captain...chase...fight...Ahab buys the farm, Moby swims into sunset. The End. - Tune in again for "Ten-Second Stories". Next week they're doing "War and Peace".
ga010131 -- Today on "Everybody Corner," my lovely assistant and I will be demonstrating correct plucking techniques. - poink! OW! - JERK! pssst! PEPPER SPRAY! GAAHH! SECURITY! I love TV.
ga010201 -- Here's Earl with the early-morning farm report. - Van, there's nothing but dirt as far as the eye can see. - Earl, any tractor sightings? City boys.
ga010202 -- We're visiting Rex the Stunt Dog. - Rex, what do you get paid for all those dangerous stunts? - Well, they pat me on the head a lot. The dumb work cheap.
ga010203 -- The remote is broken. click click - And I'm watching "The History of Norwegian Flowerpots". - Lethargy certainly expands your horizons.
ga010204 -- Greetings. - Every animal has a special place... - We cats favor windowsills. - The luxury of lying in the warm sunlight... - The panoramic view of the world...the passing parade of humanity. - - We cats favor the floor...
ga010205 -- Hello, mom. - Oh, thr same old thing. - Right now I'm dusting the cat. Hee hee hee
ga010206 -- Garfield, I hear something in the basement! - It could be a HUGE rat! - Doesn't that inflame your primal instincts? Yes, I'll be in the car.
ga010207 -- Reserved - Reserved - Is it possible that I've lost the element of surprise?
ga010208 -- Odie dug up the flowers in the garden! - Oops - Odie dug up the flowers in the garden!
ga010209 -- Congratulations, you have won the gran dprize! - An evening with me. - The excitement was too much. Probably a stomach virus.
ga010210 -- Nobody can stretch like a cat. - YAWN - Hey!
ga010211 -- - I'm pretty much sick of winter. - ENOUGH WITH tHE SNOW ALREADY! - - - - zip
ga010212 -- I have a simple philosophy, Garfield. - Laugh and the world laughs with you. - In fact, I can hear them now. They camp on the lawn.
ga010213 -- POOF! - I am the Genie of the Cookie Jar! - You have three wishes! Where's a cookie when you need one?
ga010214 -- I'm not doing anything today, Garfield. Atta boy. - I'm being lazy. My hero. - I'm not even changing your litter boy. Psycho!
ga010215 -- Jon, let's savor this moment. I have a banana in my ear. - Someday we'll remember when you tripped over me coming back from the grocery...and laugh! There are grapes in my nose. - These are the good old days! I'm going to kill you.
ga010216 -- Enjoy your dinner, Garfield? Very tasty. - I call it "Back-of-the-fridge-bottom-shelf-behind-the-baking-soda stew". - I can only make it about once every five years. That's just a little bit more than I needed to know.
ga010217 -- I'm bored, tired and hungry. - - Yeah, but can you shed? Huh? Huh?
ga010218 -- - * - * - Pooky! You're WARM! You've been hugged recently, and NOT by me! - Have you been hugging around?! - I just got your bear out of the dryer. - I'm such a jealous fool!
ga010219 -- Chicks dig the tough-guy look. - So I got this leather jacket. What think, Garfield? - It goes well with your bunny slippers.
ga010220 -- I'm not your type?! - Well just wht is your type? - Human? Picky, picky, picky.
ga010221 -- Cindy just called. - PLPLPLPLPLPL!! - She said I was immature. What does she know?
ga010222 -- Would you repeat thet? - You WILL go out with me?! - Hello?...Hello? Jon will be right back. He's in the front yard doing his happy chicken dance. Yes! Yes! Oh, yes!
ga010223 -- I have a date with Ginny tonight. - She loves to laugh. - I have three hours to get a sense of humor. I'll ge tthe fake forehead faucet.
ga010224 -- Some kids have been ringing our doorbell and running. - This bucket of water will teach them a lesson! DING DONG - My date will be here any second. I don't think so.
ga010225 -- - ooooooooog... - gurgle argle argle - noogle argle gargle oogle - arguley doogley rarg-a- roog- oog- oog a-choob - It has a nice melody, but you can't dance to it. - Hungry cats have no sense of humor.
ga010226 -- There are two reasons why I hate spiders. - They're sneaky... SPLAT! - And I suspect they're stealing food. CLANK DONK
ga010227 -- I'm the avenging spider! - kick - scratch scratch I strike again!
ga010228 -- Go away. - Aha! Is it my violent nature and ruthless heritage that threatens you?... - Or is it my imposing, hairy body and long venomous fangs? It's your fly breath. And now go away.
ga010301 -- SMACK! - - You're late. Sorry.
ga010302 -- I don't have time to stop! - SMACK! - You must learn to relax. How's this?
ga010303 -- SPIDER! Wait! - Spiders eat insects! - INSECT EATER! SMACK!
ga010304 -- - - WHACK! - - - ? - Wheeeeeeeeee!! BLAT!
ga010305 -- SLORP! SLURP! SLUP! SLURP! - Please, Garfield, thare's nothing more disgusting than that! SLORP! SLUP! - Except that.
ga010306 -- Garfield, help! I locked myself out getting the paper! - Hurry! I don't have any pants on! - I'm wearing the puppy underwear! - Then come in through the pet door.
ga010307 -- - - Tomorrow, I'm going back to getting dressed AFTER I take my shower! Well, at least you tried something.
ga010308 -- RRRrrrrrrr - Garfield, was that the blender? - Forget it, I don't want to know. Bunny-slipper frappe?
ga010309 -- I know how to get a woman's attraction. - WHO WANTS TO HEAR SOME BARNYARD IMITATIONS?! - Well, that got her attention. I didn't know anyone could run that fast in heels.
ga010310 -- Heh, heh, heh... - Oh, the trouble I could cause! - If my claws weren't stuck in the table.
ga010311 -- SLUP - My coffee's cold. - Boy, I hate cold coffee. Hate it, hate it, hate it. - Nopem there's nothing worse in the world than cold coffee. slap slap slap - I'll bet if I tried as hard as I could, I couldn't possibly think of anything worse
ga010311 -- than cold coffee. twitch twitch - EEEEYAAAAAAHHH!!! - Okay...soggy shorts, -maybe.
ga010312 -- C'mon, Garfield...up an' at 'em! - LIFE is calling! - Tell life to leave a message.
ga010313 -- ...it's not like I haven't done anything with my life... - Oh, wait a minute... - Yes, it is!
ga010314 -- You apologize to Odie for what you did to him, or I'll punish you severely! - - Punish me severely.
ga010315 -- Wanna hear about my day? - - NO I'm not paying for this card!
ga010316 -- There are many, many things I will never understand. - - And they're all women. A rare moment of honesty.
ga010317 -- This is "NAtional Ugly Fish Week". - So eat an ugly fish today... - And leave the planet that much less ugly. Slogan needs work.
ga010318 -- - - - - - - Enjoy the little thingsand the big things will take care of themselves.
ga010319 -- Ma, can I ask you something? Of course, Timmy. - Can I have a pet? A pet? - He followed me home, ma. You're not very bright, are you, Timmy?
ga010320 -- - Watch out for the spider! - Some lookout you are. Sorry.
ga010321 -- You'd better not mess with me! Know why? - SMACK! - Because you're so tough? And don't you forget it.
ga010322 -- ...and with a kiss from the beautiful princess... - The frog turned into a handsome spider... - Which the princess stomped flat! Hey! Hey! Stick to the story!
ga010323 -- Hey, cat, I'm gonna hop on your neck and suck out all your bodily fluids. - WHACK! - Hey! You crimped my sraw!
ga010324 -- This is my college intern. - SMACK! - He does good work. *I* think so.
ga010325 -- - I'll be shaving, in case anyone calls for me. - - buzzzzzzzzzzzzz - buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - click - Just checking...did anyone call? The paranoia police send their regards.
ga010326 -- Life stinks. - You should have a more positive attitude. - Life stinks.
ga010327 -- I'm thinking about writing the story of my life. - - Maybe I should actually do something first. That would really help with the title.
ga010328 -- Remember that day at the amusement park, Garfield? How can I forget? - They sure had some scary rides. Embarrassing... - I couldn't stop screaming. But in the parking lot, Jon?
ga010329 -- When communicating with pets... - Keep commands simple and to the point. - Lose...some...weight. Get...a...life.
ga010330 -- Maybe I'll get together with friends tonight. - We'll laugh and engage in stimulating conversation... - Or maybe I'll stay home and floff. Reality sets in.
ga010331 -- Do you know what's wrong with cats? - They... CLICK - Hey! You watch too much television.
ga010401 -- Sigh - We should do something. - How about mailing Mrs. Feeny's little dog to an obscure overseas nation with insufficient postage? - Or we could thumb wrestle for that last piece of cheesecake. - Or we could hijack an ice cream truck and
ga010401 -- hold the driver hostage for the world's largest nutty-buddy. - Or we could paint oursevles purple, sit in the bathtub too long, and pretend we're raisins. - Checkers? I'm red this time.
ga010402 -- Garfield, three mice just walked through the front door. - Havan't you heard? - They were carrying suitcases! The cheese expo is in town.
ga010403 -- Hmmm...what should I do about this new mousehole? - Of course! - Accept a bribe!
ga010404 -- Garfield, this is a diagram of the food chain. - You're here, and that's a mouse down there... - Any questions? Where's pizza?
ga010405 -- - Woof - Uh...Garfield?... Yey, I know. They're making dogs smaller these days, aren't they?
ga010406 -- SNAP! OUCH! - SNAP! OUCH! - SNAP! OUCH! - He'll give up, eventually. May I have the bait?
ga010407 -- We need a fourth for bridge. - Okay, but this time we use MY cards. - Last game I about went blind.
ga010408 -- - - - - - - You're going to hurt me now, aren't you? Unless you act posthaste to rectify this unfortunate situation.
ga010409 -- Garfield, if you exercised you'd have more energy. - - And that's good. Ah.
ga010410 -- A, springtime! - A time when...uh...um... - What DOES happen in springtime? You hold your arm in the air?
ga010411 -- Garfield, you meed to do some work. Uh huh. - You can help me in the garden. Sure. - I made this little plow. You have WAAAY too much time on your hand.
ga010412 -- I got you a surprise, Garfield! - - But I can't find it. It wouldn't have been, sorta, kinda resembled a (burp) box of donuts, would it?
ga010413 -- My date said she hates me more than almost anything. - - ALMOST anything. I caught that.
ga010414 -- I am bored, Garfield. - I need some excitement. - Maybe I'll sit on the roof! Joooon?! The fire department said never do that again.
ga010415 -- - What a nice day for a walk in the woods. - Pooky! - What are you doing out here?! I thought I left you at the camp... - ...site... - - Momma!
ga010416 -- Hi, mom...I miss you too. - Yes, I realize it's been a long time since I visited you... - Yeeesss, I realize you're not getting any younger... I'll pack my food bowl and teddy bear.
ga010417 -- I just love car trips... - They make me feel like SINGING! - SLAM! SLAM! Boys?...Boys?
ga010418 -- Mom! Jonny! - Dad! Son! - Jelly belly! Lame brain! Brothers.
ga010419 -- Good to see you again, son. You're looking well. Thanks...you too, dad. - - Well, got chores to do. Better go unpack. (sniff) A real father-son moment.
ga010420 -- Garfield isn't much for the farm life, is he, Jonny? I guess not, mom. - But he'll learn to cope. AAAGGHH! - Only THREE channels?!!
ga010421 -- See that, Garfield? Those are sheep. Look like dust bunnies with legs. - That's where wool comes from. Hold on... - If this is anything like that chicken/egg thing, I DON'T wanna know.
ga010422 -- - Sure is a beautiful sunset, dad. - Yup. - Sunsets are very popular on the farm... - Very popular.
ga010423 -- What are you? I'm a rooster. - What do you do? I wake you up at the crack of dawn. - I didn't hear the rooster this morning. I imagine it's tough to crow with baling twine tied around one's beak.
ga010424 -- Remember that tree, Jon? Our bull chased you up that tree. Yeah, dad. - Boy, you were stuck up there a LONG time... I remember, dad. - How old were you? Seven and eight.
ga010425 -- So how's life in the big city, Jon? - It's wild! - Sometimes I stay up till ten. MA!
ga010426 -- Farming can be dangerous, Garfield. - There are warning signs all over. -"Do not tickle the bull"? That's a biggie.
ga010427 -- I have a girlfriend now, Jon. Really? - Want to see a picture of her? Sure! - What do you think? Saaaay... That's one shiny tooth.
ga010428 -- I'd like to stay and visit, Jon, but I have a date. - Look at that ugly holstein over there. - That's my date. You shouldn't wear polka dots, lady.
ga010429 -- - skitter skitter - *click* Scout to base... - No sign of cat...proceed. - - WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! - Scout to base...uh, how's your sense of humor?
ga010430 -- This room would look better with less cat hair. - There's no cat hair in here except what's on me. - Hey!
ga010501 -- This is Mrs. Spittle, my third grade teacher. - She hated me. She made me take summer school. - She was okay, I guess. ...thus the lovingly rendered horns, goatee, and blacked-out tooth...
ga010502 -- PLay dead, Odie! - Good boy! - Now, stay.
ga010503 -- A what?...on your WHAT?! - Yes, Mrs. Feeny, I'll look into it. - DEAD GERBIL ON HER GLIDER?! Not my work. Way too obvious.
ga010504 -- Uh-oh. - Bad sign. - Jon's kite came home without him.
ga010505 -- Good coffee. - Hot coffee. Here it comes... - Gooooooood hot coffee. Sigh.
ga010506 -- bzzzzzzz - - - - - ...and to your right is a house cat. Now let's move to the living room. - Do you feel a draft? You lef tthe door open, dipwad.
ga010507 -- When I look around the room and see how dirty it is... - I think it's time we do something about it. - Got the blindfolds right here. Gimme the blue one.
ga010508 -- I'm going to meditate. - You do that. - Z I could use a little meditation myself.
ga010509 -- Who wants to have fun? - Not me! Not me! - Mr. Ball of Yarn needs some attention. You two have a lovely life together.
ga010510 -- A great new store opened up, Garfield! - It's called "Create-A-Pet". - I now have a bunny! Who maims.
ga010511 -- Hey, Tima, I'm throwing a party saturday night. Want tom come? - - YEEES, I'll be there. Party pooper.
ga010512 -- Garfield, weekends are my time to rear back and howl! Close. - ...lie down and giggle? Closer. - ...crawl into a fetal position and whimper? There you go.
ga010513 -- Z - Z Z Z Z - Z - Z - Z - Z If sleeping is an art, then I'm a masterpiece.
ga010514 -- click (drivel) - click (nonsense) - (nonsensical drivel) At last!
ga010515 -- This is one long movie. - It's going on like, FOREVER! - Where's the remote? You're sitting on the pause button, techno boy.
ga010516 -- Welcome to "Recycle that Roadkill." What have we got tonight, Bob? - Hard to tell, Chuck...he's pretty flat... - Might make a nice coaster. With great big eyes.
ga010517 -- And your avocation, sir, is? I squish spiders. - Care to demonstrate? Certainly. - SQUISH! Lousy form. No follow-through at all.
ga010518 -- ...we DID have some amazing footage of that downtown fire, but DAN in editing accidentally ERASED it... - So, instead of exciting fire footage, we present DAN in his undershirt and boxer shorts playing a comb with tissue paper: - ffft ** ffft
ga010518 -- ** ffft ** - I'd take this over a fire any old day.
ga010519 -- Z Z - Z Z - This has been "Nap Along with Fluffy". YAWN
ga010520 -- Let's check the ol' message machine. click - *beep*...Jon, this is Cindy. I've changed my name. You'll never find me! Ha! Ha! Ha! - *beep* ...Jon?...Marsha...I can't date you because I'm allergic toboring. - *beep*...Jon, thi is Nancy. Don't
ga010520 -- come over. You'll never get over the moat. - *beep*...Jon, this is Mary...I bought a vicious dog trained to attack at the scent of bad cologne. - *beep*...Jon, this is Sandy. Call one more time and I'll break your dialing finger. - Sooooo...
ga010520 -- So get rid of the answering machine. It's scaring me!
ga010521 -- SMACK - Spring is here... - The first robin of the season just flew into the picture window.
ga010522 -- Don't you love springtime, Garfield? - The warmth...thle flowers. - Even you are smiling! I have a mouth full of butterflies.
ga010523 -- I pushed Odie off the roof! - Fortunately, his fall was broken when he landed on Jon. - Come closer, Garfield. Look, Odie! He crawled in here all by himself!
ga010524 -- Garfield, you sleep too much. I have a condition. - And there's a name for that. "Exerciseophobia". - Lazy! The fear of sweat.
ga010525 -- There was a cookie on this plate a minute ago... - And I want to know where it went! - It's enjoying the company of the missing pork chop.
ga010526 -- This cat food contains tuna-flavored chicken... - That looks like beef. - I prefer the beef-flavored tuna that looks like chicken.
ga010527 -- - - How's it going, Giant Hamburger? - Giant Hamburger? - You're dreaming. That's what I assumed. - - NEVER ASSUME!
ga010528 -- Here are your menus, hon. I love diners. - - Oooh, I have a heartburn already! I'm in deep-fried heaven.
ga010529 -- Hmm...the green-bean burrito looks good... - - Sorry, we're out of that. I owe you one, Irma.
ga010530 -- Would you like extra horseradish sauce on your garlic-onion-sardine sandwich? - - Sure. - No goodnight kiss for you.
ga010531 -- There's a note in my sandwich. - It says, "inspected by number 23". - They inspected my tuna melt? That, or the cook's wearing a new shirt.
ga010601 -- My compliments to the chef! I'll tell him. - - He says he could use a hug. I hated MY meal.
ga010602 -- Ahhh...a filling meal at a greasy diner. Burrraap. - Then home to fall asleep on the couch in front of the TV! - Check! It just doesn't get any better than this.
ga010603 -- - Almost ready... - KACHING! CLONK My eye! - Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! - SPLORT! - WAAAAH SCHLIIIP!!!! - Here's your toast. I think I'll just have a cold bagel instead.
ga010604 -- Wake up, Garfield! - The whole world is waiting for you! - Tell the world to get a life.
ga010605 -- I really should cut the grass...but it's such a nice day. - Maybe I'll water it instead. - What's with the sunglasses? You're blinding me with your logic.
ga010606 -- I thought Odie was chasing you around the tree out back. - He is. - I don't think he's caught me yet.
ga010607 -- There were three dozen cookies on this plate... - And now they're gone! - BAD PLATE!
ga010608 -- You know, Odie... - The scret to looking good is to accessorize. -
ga010609 -- You know, Garfield, I'm not really boring. - I'm mellow. - I have a laid-back personality. - That's why we buried it in the backyard three years ago.
ga010610 -- Went with the lowest bidder. Beware of Dog - Ah, the simple, direct approach. Beware of DOG - Self-explanatory. Beware of DUMB MUTT - High-tech mixed breed. Beware of |||||||| - No threat there. Beware of Poochie. - - I believe we have a
ga010610 -- winner.
ga010611 -- You'd never guess you were going to be 23. Why, you're as active as you ever were. - - Ha, ha, very funny!
ga010612 -- So you'll be a year older...so what? - Birthdays are a celebration of life! - Yeah, we can decorate your walker with streamers and everything! WHO LET HIM IN?!!
ga010613 -- Garfield, will you play with me? Go away, Nermal. - We could run and laugh! Go away, Nermal. - Or in your case, waddle and wheeze. Come closer, Nermal.
ga010614 -- Look on the bright side, Garfield... - Every year, your birthday is a gift! Yeah, yeah. - A gift with no exchanges or returns.
ga010615 -- I hear you have a birthday coming up...how old? 23. - What would that be in spider years? Don't know...no spider has ever lived that long. - Whoa, how ironic was THAT?
ga010616 -- Instead of making a list of things I want for my birthday... - I made a list of things I DON'T want. - Raisins?
ga010617 -- So, birthday number 23 is coming up, eh? - You're only as young as you feel, pal! snap! - A kitty treat! - crick snao - - - - And today I feel around a hundred and sixty-one.
ga010618 -- Sigh...tomorrow I'm turning 23... - Don't get me wrong...I LOVE birthdays. - But why do so many of them have to be MINE?!
ga010619 -- It's my birthday and I get to do anything I want! - ...don't wake me! - Whee... Z
ga010620 -- Garfield, get out of that bed! Where's your sense of wonder? - Where's your sense of adventure? - They ran off with my sense of humor.
ga010621 -- You didn't eat that hamburger? - I'm so proud of you. - squeak squeak squeak Well, I'm afraid Odie's a little disappointed in YOU.
ga010622 -- Z - It's nice when Garfield's asleep. He can't annoy me. Z - Z
ga010623 -- Step right this way, ladies and gentlemen. - Here we have one of nature's wonders. - The bottomless pit. I want to be left alone.
ga010624 -- Sigh . - These are the days that I love. - Days when you can lie in one spot from sunrise to sunset, while absolutely nothing happens. - No crises, no accomplishments, no nothing. - Just yourself and a quiet, serene, and peaceful day. - - He
ga010624 -- followed me home. Can I keep him? I just couldn't leave well enough alone.
ga010625 -- It's comedy time! - - Am I the only one who thinks bow ties are funny?
ga010626 -- I shall now make my assistant disappear. - BOOT! - Not very magical, but pretty entertaining! THUD!
ga010627 -- A funny thing happened on the way to the fence tonight... - ALL RIGHT! - YEAH! LET'S GO THERE! I hate you all.
ga010628 -- So, anybody here from out of town? - Yes, I am from the planet Uranus. - Entertain me or die, earthling! I hate these late shows.
ga010629 -- Who wants to hear a song? I do! Me too! Sure! - Any requests? - Turn on the radio! Yeah! That would be great!
ga010630 -- How do you like the show so far? - Z Z Z Z Z Z - All right! A standing nap! Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
ga010701 -- - slup - - jiggitta jiggitta jiggitta jiggitta - ZORK - FFFFNNNNNNNNNNN - NONG NONG NONG NONG NONG - A little espresso goes a long way.
ga010702 -- CRASH! - CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! - That Odie is not a plate catcher. I hear nothing.
ga010703 -- You know, most cats don't get to have ice cream. - All right! - All the more for me!
ga010704 -- You seem content, Jon. - Looks like I got her ejust in time. - Go away, Garfield. I'm here to suck the joy out of your life.
ga010705 -- Odie sure is enjoying that rawhide chew I gave him. - I can't find my new belt. - That explains the buckle.
ga010706 -- I feed Jon's canary every day. - It's a selfless act on my part. - But soon it will be harvest time.
ga010707 -- Does this outfit make me look mysterious? - Absolutely! - I think dorks are very mysterious.
ga010708 -- Beware of Dog - Beware of Dog - Beware of Dog - Beware of Dog - WHOOMP - Treee Doooog!
ga010709 -- Spiders were not meant to be squished! We are feeling, living beings! We are- - - SOMEBODY GRAB A HOUSE SLIPPER, QUICK!
ga010710 -- So, I see you have a walking cast now. Yeah. - I'd ask you to sign it, but I hate your stinking guts, you fat tub of lard! -
ga010711 -- You may squish me, but you'll never squish my spirit! - KER SMACK - How's your spirit, Stewart? Bite me, Mikey.
ga010712 -- I want you to squish my lousy no-good husband! - Then I want you to pound him into mulch, and the rip his legs off and stuff them down his craw! - He gave you vacuum cleaner bags for your wedding anniversary again, didn't he? CANISTER bags!
ga010712 -- ...and I have an upright!
ga010713 -- Have you seen my sister? - SMACKO - Have you seen my brother? I think so. Does he look like this?
ga010714 -- See the cat today= Yep. - And he DIDN'T squish you?! Oh, sure he did. - This is a black body cast. donk donk
ga010715 -- - - - Garfield... - I wouldn't keep teasing the dog in that pickup. - You never know when we might come to a red light. - Like this one.
ga010716 -- Cats are very complicated. - You're a lump. - Cats are very complicated lumps.
ga010717 -- Says here a cat will always land on its feet. - - Riiight. I subscribe to the "bounce" school of thought.
ga010718 -- Jon's iced tea. - flick - A la Garfield.
ga010719 -- I'll go get the broom... - And sweep up all that cat hair. OKay, but first... - I'd just like to stand here and admire it awhile.
ga010720 -- You know what I love about cats, Garfield? You're so refined... - HAAAACK!! - Ahem...you were saying?
ga010721 -- Life offers us many challenges. - And that's why I'm going to hide behind the couch. - Don't tell life.
ga010722 -- - - - - - - Can you PLEASE speed it up a little?! Flea dip day.
ga010723 -- I am a magic donut! - I can grant you any wish! - How about a glass of milk?
ga010724 -- All of us have a destiny, Garfield. - I wonder what my place in history will be? - Somewhere between Floyd the Whistling Snake and crab grass.
ga010725 -- Odie is trying to annoy me. - He's making that noise I hate. - That continouous breathing sound.
ga010726 -- Do you ever stop to realize all you out me through?! - - You know, I never did!
ga010727 -- I've tried every girl in my address book except Loretta Gnish. - - I wonder if she ever had surgery to remove that third nostril? He's weakening.
ga010728 -- You forgot my birthday. - No, I didn't. - I didn't care.
ga010729 -- Garfield! - Garfield! I'm stuck in the wall! - Don't ask how...just DO somethin! - - - - Okay, you're having a cruel laugh at my expense, aren't you?
ga010730 -- Did you bring the paper in? - - GARFIELD! Kidding! I saved the funnies!
ga010731 -- I wonder what time it is? - ** OW! ** OW! ** OW! - It's three. Too close to the cuckoo clock.
ga010801 -- - - * FEEELINGS... What is a karaoke machine doing in the living room?
ga010802 -- AAAAGGGHHH - WHO TORE THE LAST PAGE OUT OF THE MYSTERY BOOK I WAS READING?! - The cat did it.
ga010803 -- I walked my date to the door. And then what happened? - I kissed her hand... And then what happened? - Leaving her othe rhand free... And then what happened?
ga010804 -- I sat on a bee today. - So I'm not happy. - I'll bet the bee isn't exactly gleeful, either.
ga010805 -- Z - Spiders are your frieeeeeends... Z - You liiiiiiiike spiders. Z - You would nevvvvvvvvvvvvver hurt a spider... Z - Next Moring: Morning, friend! - SMACK! - I'm a liiiiiiight sleeeeeper.
ga010806 -- - - Tah da!
ga010807 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Dog treat. - Yeh! Yeh! Yeh! Yeh! They're so easy.
ga010808 -- Tonight we have with us a man who thinks he's a dog...how are you, sir? - Dogs can't talk, Phil. But you just did. - Uh...I mean, "arf". People will do anything to get on TV.
ga010809 -- The toaster doesn't work, Garfield. - I'll take it to the garage and fix it. Not the garage! - That's where all small appliances go to die.
ga010810 -- I know why you won't go out with me, Cindy. - You think I'm stupid, don't you?... - Darn, I was hoping that wasn't it. You were hoping for "loser," maybe?
ga010811 -- DING-DONG - squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek - Who was it? Just some clown.
ga010812 -- Ahem... - If you want a cookie, you'll have to move. - - - - I forgot how far cats can stretch. Now, I think I'll get some milk out of our neighbor's refrigerator.
ga010813 -- Mom used to tuck me into bed at night. - She'd kiss me on the forehead and say, "nighty-night". - Then dad would tiptoe in and whisper, "Beware the chicken!" I've always liked your dad.
ga010814 -- Look, Garfield! A package from my mom! I wonder what it is?! - I hope it's cookies! I hope it's a ham! - It's ham-shaped cookies! Mom shoots! Mom SCORES!
ga010815 -- We couldn't afford doctors on the farm. - We relied on natural remedies. - Did you know that kissing a chicken cures cold sores? Get away from me.
ga010816 -- News from the farm, Garfield...a letter from Doc Boy. - "Maddie Ferguson's pie took first place at the fair..." - "So mom burned her barn down". All right, mom!
ga010817 -- Garfield is fine, mom...want to talk to him? - - What's she saying? She's saying she can't believe she's talking to a cat on a long-distance call.
ga010818 -- We got a post card from Doc Boy! - He's vacationing on Loogieville, Indiana. - ...says he had his picture taken with the world's largest corn cob. Eiffel Tower, eat your heart out.
ga010819 -- - You have a nice, peaceful, long, restful nap. - - - - - I don't need that kind of pressure! WHOP! poo
ga010820 -- I've decided to do nothing...just like you. - Good luck, pal. - NOBODY can do nothing like me.
ga010821 -- Garfield, I found a treasure. A record album? - It's a classic. "Mel Tweedy's best farm tunes"? - It has all the hits! "Our love's gone dry and so has the cow."
ga010822 -- I learn from my mistakes. - Wow. - There goes the world's smartest man!
ga010823 -- - pant pant pant - Leather breath. Hey! Where's my other shoe?!
ga010824 -- I bought this box of candy for my date! - And I ate it. - We're a team!
ga010825 -- Well, the dishes are washed. - - Maybe I'll wax them. It's the weekend that wouldn't end.
ga010826 -- - AH HA! - Oh. You're not doing anything. - - AH HA! Oh, You're still not doing anything. - - AH HA! I'll let you know.
ga010827 -- I think I'll take a nap. - Then doze awhile...and then top it all off with a nice snooze. - Remember, kids, fo well-balanced rest, you must have something from the three basic sleep groups each day.
ga010828 -- Hmf! - If you continue to lie there like that, you're going to atrophy! - I'd go to the dictionary to look that up, but my legs have withered.
ga010829 -- I'm bored! - Reeeally bored. - I'm so bored it's almost interesting.
ga010830 -- Maybe there IS something to lying on your back...maybe I should try it. - - Look at all the GUM stuck under this table! Close your eyes, dipwad.
ga010831 -- I'm going out for a while. - Don't bother waiting... - ...up for me. Z
ga010901 -- That's what you wre doing last time I saw you! - - I'm a rerun.
ga010902 -- click - Welcome to "Collegiate Face Slapping"! - Good luck, gentlemen. Shake hands and come out slapping! - * ding:: slap slap slap slap slappy slappy slap slap slappity slappity slap *poink* Uh-oh! We have a penalty flag. - So, sorry,
ga010902 -- contestant number one, but your last slap was, in fact, an eye poink. - Two points off... Two points?! That wasn't an eye poink! HERE'S an eye poink! - POINK And the ref goes down! What did we ever do before 32 sports channels?
ga010903 -- Garfield, what's wrong with this picture? - -
ga010904 -- - Boy, it's boring in here! - I couldn't have done it without you, Odie.
ga010905 -- CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - Time to go grocery shopping, Garfield. Sugar cube sandwich.
ga010906 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - Gum? - mmmb! mmmb! mmmb! I love dogs.
ga010907 -- It's the weekend. - Boredom is at the door. - Hey, watermelon seeds stick to your face! And walks right in without knocking.
ga010908 -- I'm going to show Ellen my intellectual side. - I'm writing a list of books I've read. - "Ducky's Big Pond"? No pictures in that on, pal!
ga010909 -- slam! - I just passed Mrs. Feeny on the sidewalk. - Her arm was in a sling. She was wearing a neck brace. - She had a walking cast... - And her jaw was wired shut. - She gave me a very nasty look. - You wouldn't know anything about tthis,
ga010909 -- would you? No, An I don't know what happened to your ball bearing collection, either.
ga010910 -- click click He WHAT?! - Could you hold for a moment? I have another call coming in...thanks. *boop* - He WHAT?! I'v been a busy boy.
ga010911 -- We all have to live together. - We have to be considerate of our neighbors. - So return those to Mrs. Feeny! Can I keep the pearls?
ga010912 -- Mrs. Feeny's little dog is missing again... - And all those stamps I bought yesterday are gone, not to mention a box and some twine! - Take your time...it'll come to you.
ga010913 -- Deal? Deal. - - Where was that mouse going with a dollar? To run up Mrs. Feeny's leg. May I borrow the video camera?
ga010914 -- WHOCK! SLAP! GOUGE-GOUGE SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! - That was Mrs. Feeny at the door for you... - She said, when she catches you, she's going to do THIS to you. I think I'll stay in today.
ga010915 -- You'll have to speak louder, Mrs. Feeny! I can't hear you over all that racket! - He put what?!... HOW many?! - WHERE did you find fifteen howler monkeys?! riiiing * That would be the zoo.
ga010916 -- * - Dum, dee dum, dee dum... - Hi, spider. Uh, hi, cat... - pat pat pat - Wow! I must be dreaming! - STOMP Z YAAAHHH!!! POOOEY!!!
ga010917 -- Garfield, why do I keep dwelling on the past? - Because you have no future? - Here's my first pocket protector. AND no past.
ga010918 -- There's Patty Evans, my date for the junior prom. - I remember I was so nervous pinning the corsage on her. - She said she'll always have the scar to remembe rme by. Okay, lemme see.
ga010919 -- That's coach Beck. - He was a tough tobacco-chewin' old football coach. - He always spit in my helmet. Good thing you never used it.
ga010920 -- "Geek"..."Loser"..."Creep"... - "Freak"..."Dork boy"... - "You stink!" Reading the inscriptions in his high school yearbook.
ga010921 -- Beth Nardone, now THERE was a girl! - She broke my heart... - AND my jaw. Boy meets girl, boy loses teeth.
ga010922 -- Belinda Gilzone...I had a mad crush on her. - She was head cheerleader. - Ever had an entired pompon shoved up your nose? Let me thibk.....no.
ga010923 -- - - sniff - sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff - Do you MIND?
ga010924 -- Mondays don't scare me... - * TOIIIIIIIING * FOOMP - Oh, sure, they cheese me off, but they don't scare me.
ga010925 -- - - Fun with tape!
ga010926 -- Morning. Morning. - sip - So, what's it like to lick a spark plug?
ga010927 -- Cats are primal, Jon. - I have the urge to prowl. - Go away. - Gimme your car keys.
ga010928 -- YAWN scratch scratch - BURP - She seemed nice.
ga010929 -- sniff sniff - What smells so good? Cream of canary. - Chunky style.
ga010930 -- I am so VERY sorry... - That was Mrs Feeny again. Do tell. - Why do you torture that woman so? Because she's there. - ...hiding her dentures?! She bites when she's angry. - Sneaking her little dog laxative-laced bran muffins?! What's so
ga010930 -- irregular about that? - ...soaping her car windows with the words "Feeny is a weenie"?!! You know I can't spell...I paid a kid to do that! - What am I going to do with you?! Relax...here, have a bran muffin.
ga011001 -- Hey, Jon! - Look at me! - I'm i three rooms at the same time! Diet time!
ga011002 -- You're fat. - No, no, I am big boned. - Godzilla was big boned...you're fat.
ga011003 -- No more snacks for you, Garfield. Fine. - You are on a strict diet. Whatever you say. - And I filled in the tunnel to the refrigerator. My life is over.
ga011004 -- It's not the dieting that gets to me. - - It's the NOT EATING part!!!
ga011005 -- Aren't you going to eat your dinner? - I'm deciding. - I may just weep instead.
ga011006 -- Garfield... - How's the diet going? Great! - You have frosting on your lips. I pillaged a bake sale.
ga011007 -- - A candy bar! ...but I'm on a diet... - This must be a test... - -or a trick... - Test...trick...test..trick... - GRAB - SQUEEK! AH-HA! Both.
ga011008 -- Well, one good thing about this diet... - -at least I haven't had any of those weird... - Hey, pal, how's about a snack? Hallucinations.
ga011009 -- Saaay...YOU'Re looking hungry. You're just a dietary hallucination. GO away. - I can't, until you stop obsessing about me. - I'd like you to meet a close, dear and personal obsession of mine.
ga011010 -- I'm a donut...eat me! No you're not. You're just a diet-induced hallucination. - Now I'm frosted! Sorry. You're not real. - With sprinkles! All right. Come here.
ga011011 -- There has GOT to be an easier way to lose weight. - You could exercise. - munch munch munch munch munch Nummm.
ga011012 -- I don't tink I can eat all of my lettuce leaf. - - BECAUSE I'M PLANNING TO PASS OUT FROM HUNGER!
ga011013 -- Celery! - If science could find a use for it, we wouldn't have to eat it to get rid of it! - Diet starting to get to you?
ga011014 -- - Hey, cat... - I've been thinking a lot about my mortality lately. Oh? - Yeah, is the afterlife a continuation of the journey of one's spirit, or is it more of an ephemeral thing?... - Could it be a new beginning?...A portal to a new and
ga011014 -- better place?... - SLAP - See any bright light? No...just lots of stars and birdies. ****
ga011015 -- If you finish your carrot, you may have another. - - Finished.
ga011016 -- That was the vet. She says you can go off your diet now. - THUD - Are you all right?! Quick! Mouth-to-leat loaf resuscitation!
ga011017 -- You're being annoying, Odie. - Still annoying. - Not quite getting the drif, are you, pal?
ga011018 -- Your pointy elbows give me a headache. - You lost me there, Jon... - That makes no sense at all.
ga011019 -- Why am *I* always having to beg for dates?! I'm going to let the girls call ME! - - Dr. Livingstone, I presume?
ga011020 -- Garfield, the kid across the street has lost his turtle. - You don't say. - Can he describe it?
ga011021 -- Burp - burrrrrrrp - BUURRRRRRAP - BUUURRUUP - BRAAAAP - BURP - Nice try...mere mortal.
ga011022 -- - WHOOOOMP! - BUNGEE DOGGGG!
ga011023 -- - TOING! ? - SLING-SHOT DOOOGGG!
ga011024 -- shikka shikka shikka shikka shikka shikka - - AAATTIC DOOOGGG!!
ga011025 -- - - ROOOOF DOOOGGG!!
ga011026 -- Eeeww...cold coffee. - WHOOMPO - WARM-UP DOOOGGG!
ga011027 -- DING-DONG ** - DING-DONG ** - DOOORRRR DOOOGGG!
ga011028 -- - Sigh - I have no life... - Jon has no life... - Odie has... - SLURRP slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp - Veeeeeery little life left.
ga011029 -- - - A cookie chocolate chip.
ga011030 -- Good dog. - Bad dog. - Complex, aren't they?
ga011031 -- Does the word "glutton" mean anything to you? - How about "hog boy"? - How about "Mister Fatty-Fat-Fat"?!! People without donuts are so bitter.
ga011101 -- Some people think of pets as their children. - - So...dad. Do you have a will?
ga011102 -- I have a date with Cindy, Garfield. - She likes the strong, silent type. - So I'm dressed as a muscle-bound mime. Try not to get beat up.
ga011103 -- Haven't we met somewhere before? - Yes. - I wonder if that's good or bad. She's picking up a rock!
ga011104 -- - Ahhh...there she is. - A little to the left... - A little more...that's it... - A liiiiiiiitle more... - *snap* THUD WOOOOOOH! - WHO dug the the tiger trap in Mrs. Feeny's flower bed?! WEEEEEEE I love sirens.
ga011105 -- - - Oh, Garfield, may I have a word with you? Can it wait? I'm busy chasing the mouse.
ga011106 -- - - And don't come back! Too late.
ga011107 -- * ching ching - * ching ching - We seem to be infested with cowboys.
ga011108 -- nok nok - May I borrow a cup of sugar? Sure. - I said a CUP, not a thimble! I can't win here.
ga011109 -- Garfield! Present. - What? - He didn't seem very happy. The man is an enigma.
ga011110 -- The mice and I have an agreement. - I don't eat them... * - And they don't booby trap the litter box.
ga011111 -- brrrrrr - It is FREEZING in here! - Ah-HA! I knew I still had those old rubber arms! - - - Get away from that thermostat!
ga001112 -- Dinner's running late. - Fine. - Any last words?
ga011113 -- You wouldn't be so happy if you were seeing what I'm seeing. - - How long have you been carrying that around waiting for me to say that?
ga011114 -- OW!! - Garfield, you oaf! That was my foot you stepped on! - GAAAHH Now you have a matched set.
ga011115 -- Why, yes, Judy, I am as masculine as I sound. - O.K. Judy, you'r eon! - I just bought three thousand dollars worth of windows. Was Judy as slick as she sounded?
ga011116 -- DING DONG ** That's my date. Now be nice. - EEEEEK! - I havened even OPENED the door yet! Just getting it out of the way.
ga011117 -- - Wow... Two beautiful days in a row! I hate reruns.
ga011118 -- - - - - - - If you think you're psyching me out, you're mistaken.
ga011119 -- I'm a bug. I eat bugs. I eat birds. - My hero! - STOMP!
ga011120 .. Beware of the Dog - Monday, Wednesday and Friday - It's tuesday. Pencil me in for tomorrow.
ga011121 -- - Hey! - I went to high school with that sweater!
ga011122 -- So, did you finally get enough to eat? - Depends... - Is there anything left?
ga011123 -- So why won't you go out with me? - What?! Not MANLY enough?! - Boy, that'll take the starch out of your petticoat. Easy, big fella.
ga011124 -- What do you think of my new suit? YAAAHHH! - MY EYES! MY EYES! - And don't sugarcoat it.
ga011125 -- YAWN - pat pat pat - Nope. - - Rats. - The heck with it. - I thought you were napping. Couldn't find my spot.
ga011126 -- I wonder if I should go for a walk... - No way! I refuse! - I'm outvoted.
ga011127 -- Whenever things are missing they call on a dog to track it down. - - Has it occured to anyone that dogs might be taking that stuff to begin with?
ga011128 -- The world is constantly changing. - - They haven't stopped making frozen pudding pops, have they?
ga011129 -- Beware of the Artistic Dog - ZIP scribble scribble scribble - My nose isn't that big!
ga011130 -- Garfield, I'm going to ask the first woman I see to go out. - - The first one without a monkey. She looked interesting.
ga011201 -- I'm spending the evening with a cat! - HA! HA! HA! - Hey!
ga011202 -- tap tap tap - - SLAM! - VRRRMMMM r-r-r-r-r-r-r - - I told you, I am NOT going Christmas shopping today! But the car's all warmed up!
ga011203 -- Boys! Hot chocolate! - ZIP ZIP - Where's Odie? I'm standing on him.
ga011204 -- Santa is coming soon. Have you been good this year? - - Yes, I have. Too late! I saw your pupils dilate!
ga011205 -- No, no, NO!!! - It's SIX eyelashes on each doll...SIX! Get it right! - We will return to "Stewey, the Anal-Retentive Elf"... Maybe YOU will...
ga011206 -- "Dear Jonathan G. Arbuckle," - "a /very/ Happy Holidays /to you/, Jonathan Q. Arbuckle, /and yours on this, the most joyous time of year/, Jonathan Q. Arbuckle." - How sweet. He loves the folks at the insurance company.
ga011207 -- Have you written your letter to Santa yet? * RIIINNG - Hello? This is Santa. - You paged my beeper? Here's my list.
ga011208 -- - SLUURRP! AAAGGHH - Eww...what is he doing? Wringing out his beard. Visit Santa -->
ga011209 -- - Scissors. - snip snip snip snip - Tape. snick - Tape. snick - Tape. snick - Help. Lassie I ain't.
ga011210 -- I'm feeling all christmasy! - I know... - It's catching!
ga011211 -- So did you put up a tree and everything? Oh, yeah. - Only this year we went with an artificial one. Artificial? - Yeah, it's one of those pine-scented air fresheners shaped like a douglas fir.
ga011212 -- Guess what, Ellen...I have a mistletoe! - If I hold it over your head, you have to kiss me. - Yeah, well, it's the law, Ellen! There are worse things than jail.
ga011213 -- We now return to "Edward Fernbergle, The Certified Public Accountant Who Saved Chistmas". - * RIIING * RIIING Hello? - Santa, the elves have been skimming from petty cash! Ed! You've saved us! Slap them in tiny irons!
ga011214 -- Hi, mom? It's Jon. - I'm calling because I need your top-secret recipe for Christmas cookies! - No, mom, the line is not tapped. Are you SURE?
ga011215 -- Before too long it'll be time to get a new Christmas tree. - So I guess we ought to take the old one down. Can't we just scoot it over... - Next to the other one?
ga011216 -- Hi, mom! - Just called to wish you happy holidays, mom! Wha?...yes, I ate just a few hours ago...hmm? Who? Sure! Put him on! - Hi'ya, dad! Happy holidays! ...I'm fine...yep, changed my oil last week...grandma? Sure! Put her on! - Hi, grandma!
ga011216 -- ...I said HI!! ...nope...still single...SINGLE!!...SINGLE!!! - Doc Boy?... DOC BOY?! SURE...PUT HOM ON!!! - Hello? Hello? - Talk into the other end, Doc Boy! Happy holidays, all you family members out there.
ga011217 -- I'm looking for a Christmas tree. Who isn't? - A great big one! I like your style. - Let's talk HUGE! Let's talk financing.
ga011218 -- I can't believe what you charge for a Christmas tree! - Well, we do also sell the kit... Kit? - This ia PINE CONE! Some assembly required.
ga011219 -- I'm going out to hang the Christmas lights on the house. - Remember now... I know, I know... - If I hear a scream, call the fire department. For a scream and a "bzzzt," call the power company. For a scream, a "bzzzt" and a "thud", call an
ga011219 -- ambulance.
ga011220 -- shake shake shake - You're not peeking, are you? - Only with my ears.
ga011221 -- - SNIFFFFFFFF - You're looking cheerful this morning. I just tanked up on Christmas spirit.
ga011222 -- Hi, cat. Hi, flea. - Just wanted to stop by and say merry Christmas before I take off. Where to? - Oh, I'm catching a Greyhound to Kansas City.
ga011223 -- - - - pop - - - Merry Christmas.
ga011224 -- Christmas Eve, and I can't sleep. - I need a sedative. - Quick, tell me a story about your boyhood on the farm.
ga011225 -- Hey! - You know, that Santa is even nicer than I thought... - He left ME a cookie.
ga011226 -- Hi, mom?...it's Jon. - About that sweater you made Garfield for Christmas?... - YOu left out a hole. How fo you leave OUT a hole?!
ga011227 -- Karen, how'd you like to go out with me on new year's eve? - What's it worth to you? - Uh...paint your house? I like this one already.
ga011228 -- None of the girls I called want to go out with me on new year's eve. - - Maybe if I called them again and used a french accent... Who needs cable TV when you've got this?
ga011229 -- Can you believe it?! Patti broke our date, and now I'm stuck with two tickets to the new year's eve dance! - Now what do I do? Duh... - Go stag, scalp the other ticket at the door, and buy me something.
ga011230 -- Sigh...come with me... - - - - - We need a blow-dryer, and a really, really long extension cord.
ga011231 -- Why can't I get a date for new year's eve, Garfield? - Why, why, why, why?! - WHY, WHY,WHY,WHY,WHY,WHY,WHY ?!! Can you say "mature"?
ga020101 -- Everyone should do their best. - - Which, hopefully, will allow me to get by without doing much of anything!
ga020102 -- I'm not getting enough out of life. - I must expend more effort! - Z Z
ga020103 -- Welcome to "Cat Aerobics". - Ready? Breathe! SNIIIIIFFF! - Now breathe again. WHOA! You're killing me here!
ga020104 -- How about a hug, Garfield? - Candy? Biscuit? Seafood? - No hug? I need motivation.
ga020105 -- *beep*...you have no messages. click - *beep* You still have no messages. click - Here's a message for you... YOU'RE A LOSER! Stop tormenting it.
ga020106 -- - Cat hair!! There is cat hair EVERYwhere!! - No! Wait! - HA! You MISSED a spot! - flick - - I must be slipping. AAAGGGHH!
ga020107 -- Happy cat. - Angry cat. - Happy-to-be-angry cat.
ga020108 -- We're having leftovers for dinner, Garfield... - Meat loaf... - And something yellow. Mustard. I'll tell myself it's mustard.
ga020109 -- I'm going to make a list of things I can do to impress women. - - "Can make a list..." He's writing that in INK, ladies!
ga020110 -- I'm not saying Jon has a bad wardrobe. - But I just looked into his closet. - Two hundred moths committed suicide.
ga020111 -- I'm depressed, Ellen. - I could use a good word. - That's a bad word, Ellen. Don't sugarcoat it, Ellen.
ga020112 -- You're breaking up with me? - But we've never dated. - you don't want to take any chances? Better safe than sorry.
ga020113 -- - - To be, or not to be: That is the question. - ** Gotta sing! Gotta dance! * - The ballet patrons go wild as Garfield pirouettes his way into their hearts! - - Sooooooooo...what have you been up to? Being ignored, mostly.
ga020114 -- Garfield, I don't think you could get any fatter. - - That wasn't a challenge! I'll need cupcakes.
ga020115 -- I went shopping, Garfield. Feed me. - Spent every cent I had. Feed me. - These moose hats aren't cheap. Shoot me.
ga020116 -- And so ends another day! - - Why did Odie go back to bed? I'll be having his breakfast.
ga020117 -- Who deserves the last donut? - To be honest... - It probably would have been you.
ga020118 -- This is really amazing, Garfield. - I have called every woman I know. - They all have a cold. - Probably caught it in group therapy.
ga020119 -- Do you have any unfulfilled dreams, Garfield? - Oh, sure. - There's the one about the 12-foot chocolate eclair...
ga020120 -- Ahem... - ...a word with you? - The PET door is for PETS... - And the DOOR door is for people. NO exceptions. - You know that, and you've ALWAYS known that. - So I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to return your house key. - Sorry about
ga020120 -- that. It's okay. I had copies made.
ga020121 -- Here's a joke. How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? - Mice don't change lightbulbs. You see lightbulbs are too large and cumbersome, not to mention that it's much easier for us to pilfer food in the dark. - That joke took a
ga020121 -- sobering turn.
ga020122 -- - What are you going to do about all these mice? - Get them name tags?
ga020123 -- Garfield, how do you explain this? - - Hmmm...new mouse, higher-than-average disposable income, heavily into baroque rococo, I'd say.
ga020124 -- - I have the mouse chasing himself. - That's called delegating authority.
ga020125 -- There goes a mouse! - Aren't you going after him? Perhaps... - That is, if he's going to the beach.
ga020126 -- Well, I have to get back to work as a household pest. - Sigh. - All the good jobs are taken.
ga020127 -- You're filthy! - lick lick - lick lick lick - lick lick lick - lick lick lick lick - lick li- - Do you MIND?!
ga020128 -- Work hard and do your best. - - It'll make it easier on the rest of us.
ga020129 -- I'm sorry, Mrs. Feeny... - Yes, I'll look into it. SLAM! - Is that Mrs. Feeny's Wig?! It followed me home.
ga020130 -- Nothing can go wrong if I just sit here. - kkkkk - That man never ceases to amaze me.
ga020131 -- Fear not, Jon! - I've put Odie to work protecting out house and valuables! - Take Anything But The Food
ga020201 -- Edna, I might be late picking you up tonight. - Well, my head is stuck in a wastebasket. - It's a long st...saaay...my voice sounds deeper... Don't wait up, Edna.
ga020202 -- I'm staring at you, Garfield! - What do you think of that? - Heeey, who WOULDN'T want to stare at me?
ga020203 -- I can't believe it! - ...things were going so well... - I was clean-shaven, wearing my best cologne... - -had made a reservation for two at a wonderful restaurant... - We'd ordered our meals... - I was telling her stories about my boyhood on
ga020203 -- the farm... - And then she nearly drowned. Third one this month to fall asleep in her soup.
ga020204 -- You are MIN, and mine alone! - I maintain TOTAL control over you! - Channel UP! Channel DOWN!! UP! DOWN! UP!! DOWN!! MUTE! UNMUTE!! click click click click click click Two new "AA" batteries always go right to his head.
ga020205 -- And now for the farm report, here's Earl... ...Earl? - Doug, a pig just bit me. A pig? Where did he bite you, Earl? - Right in the mudhole, Doug. Who says there's nothing good before sunrise?
ga020206 -- Welcome to "I'm So Special!" - ...and what makes you "so special," sir? I can whistle the national anthem out of my left nostril. - And your right nostril? That's where I unfurl a tiny flag. Let's hear it for patriotism.
ga020207 -- Tonight, a mad scientist puts a dog's brain into a zombie. - In the horror classic... - "Night of the Living Dumb". What a cruel thing to do to a zombie.
ga020208 -- Tonight, on "You'd better believe it!" - ...we visit with a man who owns a hippo! - * Heeere, holly! Here, girl! Thet is the biggest pet door I have ever seen!
ga020209 -- The fire department is here... - The fire is under control... - And I'm happy to report there were no injuries! That's the goal of every cooking show.
ga020210 -- - Mrs. Feeny reports her chihuahua has been varnished a dark cherry. - SOMEone duct taped Odie to our satellite dish... - -There's been so much shedding going on that *I* hacked up a hairball this morning! - And the living room drapes look
ga020210 -- like they_ve been run through a paper shredder!! - - I didn't know you cared!
ga020211 -- I'll never understand you. - I like that... - Garfield: Cat Of Mystery.
ga020212 -- Listen to Odie hol like one of his wolf ancestors. ooooooooooo - Even after years of domestication, a dog is still in touch with primal urges a thousand years old. ooooooooooo - Lost his Internet connection. oooooooooooo
ga020213 -- Ah AH AH - CHOO! - Thank you for sharing that. And thank you for being here.
ga020214 -- Sometimes you're lucky. - Killer moths! - And sometimes you're Jon.
ga020215 -- Ready to meet for our blind date, Edith? - How will I know you? - You'll be carrying a skull? Stay in well-lit areas.
ga020216 -- I have all my tools, Garfield. Tim to tackle those household projects. - I feel like something electrical... Could you fix some food up ahead?
ga020217 -- - Good night. - - Good night...good night...good night...good night... - -and goodbye. - GULP - BURRP Midnight snack.
ga020218 -- - I'll be right back. bloot - Okay, who put the lemon wedge in the fishbowl?
ga020219 -- An empty fishbowl... - Signs of a struggle, and a cat with a contended smile. - Something isn't right here. Sorry, cats, you can't have him... he's taken.
ga020220 -- Wait! If you don't eat me, maybe I could do you a favor! - What could a goldfish ever do for me? - I know a lobster. I'm listening.
ga020221 -- Garfield, how many fish have I owned over the years? - Three hundred twenty-one? - Three hundred twenty-three! Oh, yeah, two died of natural causes.
ga020222 -- - scribble scribble scribble - Is that an I.O.U.?
ga020223 -- Congratulations, Garfield. - You've eaten every single fish. - What do you have to say for yourself? Do I get to keep the bowl?
ga020224 -- - Stop looking at me like that...we are NOT lost. - We're just a little off track, that's all. - A familiar landmark is all I need and I'll be fine...you'll see. - We'll stop here for a bite to eat and then be home before you know it. - Two
ga020224 -- burgers with fries. Dees ees der toll boot, sir. - That attendant was wearing lederhosen. I TOLD you to stop looking at me like that.
ga020225 -- I need some attention, Garfield. - - That'll do, thank you. Give me a cookie and I'll go away.
ga020226 -- Odie is planning to chase his tail. - But being the good sport he is... - He's going to give it a head start.
ga020227 -- Success isn't everything it's crackes up to be. - - ...and you would this becaaaause?...
ga020228 -- Sammy Sock Puppet says he can whip your sock puppet. - You talkin' 'bout Billy Boot? - Not fair! And the war escalates...
ga020301 -- Ellen, I would ford the mightiest river for you! - Aha?- ...all right. - She's checking her atlas for piranha-infested tributaries. It pays to do your homework.
ga020302 -- -and after I tied my shoe, I tied the other one... - Then I thought about standing up... - Then I stood up. It actually takes Jon longer to tell about his day than to live it.
ga020303 -- - Herman! Long time no see! Well, hi, cat! - So, how's the wife and kids? Great, just great! You're looking good... - Thanks! I- - - I suppose I should chase you, just for the sake of appearance. Not too fast, though...I pulled a hammy on the
ga020303 -- treadmill at the gym yesterday. - You're both pathetic! Run for you, uh, life, mouse. Eek, and eek again. A cat...
ga020304 -- Two steak dinners, and make mine medium.  And your buddy's? - Moo. - Rare. Check.
ga020305 -- Hmm...I can't decide between the chicken or the fish... - BUC-BUC BUC-COUGH KAFF KAFF KAFF BUC - Try the fish.
ga020306 -- Don't you two ever want to sit in a booth? - Oh, no! Never! Why not? - SPIIIIIIINNNN
ga020307 -- Here's your tossed salad. Thanks. - Would you like fresh-ground pepper on that? - HA! HA! HA! HA! WAH-HA! HA! Diner humor.
ga020308 -- What's the catch of the day? Pan-fried ugly fish. - Uhhhcan you serve it without its head? No. - Why not? 'cause then it wouldn't be UGLY now, would it?
ga020309 -- How are your ribs? Ticklish. - I meant your beef ribs. - Don't know, hon. I've never tickled a cow. You don't know what you're missing. I'm not with this man.
ga020310 -- - peck peck peck - - - -
ga020311 -- Some days everything goes right. - SMACK! - I mean wrong.
ga020312 -- - Burp - You don't have to save those for me! What's mine is yours.
ga020313 -- No more, and that's final! - - SCHLOP!
ga020314 -- That brownie has been mold growing on it. - - Making it count as vegetable.
ga020315 -- Ellen, I was wondering... - What if we were the last two people on earth? - Humanity is doomed. And cats will rule the world!
ga020316 -- You've just won ten million dollars! - SLAM! - Who was it? It wasn't the pizza guy.
ga020317 -- WAA! - HOOOO! - WOOOOH! - NYAAAH! - Ah-ha. GAAAHHH! - Hot elastic. GHEEEEE! - Annnd, he's in the front yard. EEEEK!! Somebody call a cop!
ga020318 -- I'm going to make fun of dogs! - - Maybe I'll go home and make fun of dogs over the Internet.
ga020319 -- You can't catch me! - Uh, are those new running shoes? - What happened to your tail? It's a victim of new innovations in athletic footwear.
ga020320 -- Beware Of The Vicious Dog - ...The Really Huge Violence-Prone Teeth-Gnashing Dog - You okay? I can't stand the pressure!
ga020321 -- Check out these sharp teeth! Whoa... - How about these claws? Ooo... - We've decided to gang up on the mailman.
ga020322 -- Beware Of Dog! - Who Am I Kidding? The Thing's A Disgrace. - Please DO Not Kick The Dog This is almost sad.
ga020323 -- Beware Of Gophers - - pook pook pook
ga020324 -- - - - Hey, turkey leg! Where are you going? - I have been a leftover for three weks now! I know when I'm not wanted! - I'm leaving! - Tell me I didn't see that. He's just feeling unloved. Let's eat him.
ga020325 -- Look at you, you pig... - Why, I bet you have more fat than muscle. - You take that back.
ga020326 -- Don't blink. - - Tol' ja.
ga020327 -- My hidden camera took there pictures of you stealing the last donut! - Hmm. - Okay, I'd like an 8x10 of this one and some wallet-sized prints of these.
ga020328 -- Odie - SPLUT! - Food Coach Open your mouth FIRST!
ga020329 -- Whaddaya think? You're wearing that...to a monster truck rally? - To meet a blind date with a gold tooth? -
ga020330 -- Garfield! Get your paw out of the cookie jar! - - Who taught you that gesture?! You, in the car, when you drive.
ga020331 -- - flap flap flap flap - - - - - ...keep...window...closed...
ga020401 -- The accordion is my life, Garfield. - You know why? I don't know, Jon...WHY? - Because I have soul! No, Jon. You have an accordion.
ga020402 -- Hello, symphony orchestra? - I noticed you don't have an accordion player. - Yes, I'll stay on the line. While they trace the call.
ga020403 -- My girlfriend is ashamed to be with me. Amen, brother! - She tried to run over it with her car. I feel your pain! - But I won't be stopped! "Accordions Anonymous".
ga020404 -- I'm thinking our lawn needs something. - I'm thinking of a lawn ornament. - I'm thinking of a ten-foot concrete accordion. I'm thinking of moving.
ga020405 -- Who needs women, Garfield? - All we need is a pair of tiny shoes, and... - It's the dancing accordion! You need a woman.
ga020406 -- Accordion music isn't just music, Garfield. - It's a way of life. - And you get to wear leather shorts! Let's just leave it at that. Okay, Jon?
ga020407 -- Uhhh... - Dinner will be a little late. - The lasagna needs a few more minutes... The LASAGNA?! - Stand aside...I'll be the judge of this! - My sincerest apologies, you were right. - - HEY! BURP
ga020408 -- Garfield, let's think nice thoughts today. - - I'm floating on a cloud. I'm barbecuing a small woodland creature.
ga020409 -- Odie, this is going to hurt me more than it will you. - BOOT! splat! - Or maybe not...
ga020410 -- Still eating, Garfield? - Soon your stomach will grow large and you will explode. - He's like an evil fortune cookie.
ga020411 -- Have you lost weight? - - You beast!
ga020412 -- News flash! A deranged hamster is terrorizing the city! - Residents are advised against filling their pockets with lettuce and lying in tall grass. - Oh, great! There goes his weekend.
ga020413 -- Doc, I have a stomach ache. - Indigestion?!... - Ohhh...so it's NOT a parasitic alien life form bent on world conquest? You live alone, you get paranoid.
ga020414 -- - - BOOT! - - - - Stupid head wind.
ga020415 -- You're more than a pet to me, Garfield. - You're like a son. - A big, fat, worthless son! Lighten up, dad.
ga020416 -- I make a lot of things around here, Garfield. - I make the house clean. I make the meals... - I make the beds... And don't forget that continual whining sound.
ga020417 -- You have it so easy! - Easy?...EASY?! - I'm working without a mattress here!
ga020418 -- Let's make a list of your faults, Garfield. - Fat, lazy, selfish... And... - And let's not forget disrespectful. My personal favorite.
ga020419 -- When you were little, you'd lie on my lap and purr. - BURP - That was long, looong ago. I've matured nicely, don't you think?
ga020420 -- I'm tired of just lying here. - - Carry me someplace else. yank yank
ga020421 -- - - Hi, I'm a blueberry muffin and seem to have lost my way. Excuse me... - I'm a butter pat and I'm also lost... Hi, Pat. Pardon... - I'm a steaming-hot cup of coffee and I do believe I've taken a wrong turn. - Even if this IS a dream, it's
ga020421 -- still the happiest moment in my life. I'm cold. Can you warm me up? Me too. I'm BURNING up...got any cream? Hey, parlez-vous francais, anyone?!
ga020422 -- I'm perfect. - You're a mess. - That's a PERFECT mess, bozo!
ga020423 -- Maybe someday they'll make a movie about my life. - Whoa... - Those poor stunt men!
ga020424 -- Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! - Hey, Jon! - Check out this comic about a fat, lazy human!
ga020425 -- I wonder if gravity is still working. - PUSH - It's nice to know that there are some things you can count on. THUD
ga020426 -- Women like a man of mystery, so I'm going to wear a mask on my date. - This should be a hoot. - Don't wait up. Take me with you.
ga020427 -- Ready to eat, Garfield? Excuse me?! - I eat, I sleep. That's all I do. Do I look like I'm sleeping? - Are you okay? DO YOU SEE A "Z" FLOATING OVEr MY HEAD?!
ga020428 -- - That's me with my high-school chess club. Ah... - The jocks hated us. They were probably intimidated by you guys. - So one day I challenged one of them to a game of chess. - I said, "make the first move, you big lummox". - That's when he
ga020428 -- shoved his bishop up my nose. - It's kind of hard to talk about. Not half as hard as it is to listen to.
ga020429 -- Somewhere out there is the woman for me. - - Hiding, no doubt. That was MY line!
ga020430 -- Uh-huh. I see. Okay. Makes sense. All right. I can't argure with that one. - I had no idea there were so many reasons not to go out with me. - * RIING She thought of some more.
ga020501 -- Besides beauty and intelligence... - I need a woman who will respect me. - A human woman?
ga020502 -- Evelyn, say you'll go out with me... - Really?! You're not just saying that?! - Oh, you are just saying that. Nice shot, Evelyn!
ga020503 -- I have to show Ellen that I love animals and children. - So, I'm taking you on my date tonight. - Now, where can I find a kid? I don't work with children.
ga020504 -- She loves me...she loves me not... - She loves me...she despises the air I breathe. - She loves me...she wishes my head would explode... Relay, Jon, relax.
ga020505 -- - Your move. - JUMP - - JUMP JUMP - - In "Checkers with Cookies," there ARE no losers. Yer moof.
ga020506 -- Garfield! - I thought you were getting up! I am. - This has to be done in stages.
ga020507 -- Shades make you look cool. - - There's not a pair big enough, pal!
ga020508 -- Pet ownership is a two-way street, you know. - I do expect some affection in return. No prob... - Odie, owner, affection, now.
ga020509 -- I'll feed you in a minute, Garfield. - Grrr Grrr - What could he do? I had him outnumbered.
ga020510 -- I have a dilemma, Garfield. There's a girl who wants to go out with me saturday night. - And she has a face that could stop a clock. - So, what should I wear? Well, don't wear your watch.
ga020511 -- A cat is constantly on the move. - - I don't personally know this cat, but I've heard of him.
ga020512 -- - - - - - - Made you look!
ga020513 -- There's our cow, Bossie. She kicked me in the head once. - - She kicked me in the head once. Comes the dawn...
ga020514 -- ...and this is a picture of my prize rooster, Henry. That's a picture of an egg. - He was much younger then. Ah... - But he already had his dad's rugged good looks. You're scaring me, Jon.
ga020515 -- We had to make our own fun back on the farm... - Doc Boy and I used to play a game with the electric fence we called "Touch it, Whimp!" - My fingers still tingle. And the brain's still numb.
ga020516 -- I remember back on the farm...my mother calling to me... - "Jon, you're boring the cattle!" - Ever seen a cow yawn? Now you're boring the cat.
ga020517 -- Mom set me up on a blind date with a girl from back on the farm. - She churns her own butter... - ...and has a wonderful sense of humor. And has a wonderful sense of humor.
ga020518 -- Garfield, a letter from home! - Just when I was feeling down, too. - "Dear son, the entire family fell off the roof". I don't even want to know...
ga020519 -- - - - Atta-boy, Garfield! - Let that mouse have it! SHow no mercy! - WHUMP! Way to go! - The new arm-wrestling champ! Best two out of three?
ga020520 -- I know why you're so lazy, Garfield. - Low self-esteem. - You have to realize your worth. Did I say you could speak?
ga020521 -- I'm running in place! - I'm just standing here. - And I'm winning.
ga020522 -- Know why humans are smarter than cats, Garfield? - Bigger brains. Ah... - That explains those huge, ugly heads.
ga020523 -- Yip! Yip! Yap! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Odie, if you'll shut up, I'll give you a piece of candy. - Yip! Yip! Yap! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!
ga020524 -- Marcie, give me one good reason why you won't go out with me. - I see. - She hates, loathes, and is disgusted by every fiber of my being. I'll mark her down as a possible.
ga020525 -- Would you like to see me juggle flaming chain saws blindfolded? - Or hear me sing? - The first one!! Dogs don't get to vote.
ga020526 -- - - - - - - *TRIP* SPLAT! Graceful.
ga020527 -- I'm here! Let the party begin! - SMACK! - I'll open the chips.
ga020528 -- Fear me, cat! Fear my wrath! Fear my might! - WHAP! - Fear my flatness!
ga020529 -- Your husband's a celebrity now. Pardon me? - Yeah, I saw him on the front page of the newspaper. Really?! - MORTY! Flame IS fleeting.
ga020530 -- - - New hat? Thanks for noticing.
ga020531 -- Here's a picture of my kids. - Whoa, they're disgusting! - Why, thank you!
ga020601 -- ...and that's the story of my life. - SMACK! - The End.
ga020602 -- - grunka grunka grunka - - grunka grunka grunka - grunka grunka grunka - grunka grunka grunka
ga020603 -- YAWN stretch - BURP scratch scratch scratch - Busy? Don't get me started.
ga020604 -- I'm at a point in my life when it's time to ask myself the hard questions, Garfield. - Like, can toads give warts to each other? - Ow! Ow! Now my head hurts! Should've started with an easier one.
ga020605 -- - I'm wearing mx boxer shorts backwards! - I had a feeling something big was going to happen today.
ga020606 -- I have a lot on my mind. - Good. - Maybe that'll keep it from blowing away.
ga020607 -- I have a date tonight, Garfield. - You know what that means... - Sometime today I'll get a huge pimple! A time-honored tradition.
ga020608 -- - - We cancel each other out.
ga020609 -- I just don't understand... Uh-oh. - WHY don't the chicks dig me, Garfield? Maybe if I- - War and Peace - 18 - Estimated download time: 7.32 hours - - ...or maybe if I shaved my head and glued all the hair onto my chest. Did I miss anything?
ga020610 -- So I'll be 24 soon...that's a nice number. - - A nice big, fat, incredibly huge, honking number.
ga020611 -- I'm turning 24 next week... - Do you know what I hate most about my birthday? - -cue the anser. HI! I'm Nermal, the world's cutest kitten!
ga020612 -- I'm curious. When you're as old as you are... - What goes first? The memory? The eyes? The back? - The kitten.
ga020613 -- So I hear you're going to be 24. This is true. - Wow! The things you've been witness to! - What WAS life before fax machines?! It's too horrific to describe.
ga020614 -- How do you intend to celebrate your birthday? What do you mean? - Well... - Are you gonna wheeze out a few candles? Run for your life.
ga020615 -- So I'll soon be 24. That means I will be older and wiser... - HA! HA! HA! HA! - I'll be older.
ga020616 -- - - - - - - - tap tap You can run, boy, but you can't hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide.
ga020617 -- I'm going to be 24 soon. - - And that look you're giving me isn't helping.
ga020618 -- 24 years is a long time. What's the secret to your longevity? - - I seeeeeee... Wait, wait, there's more.
ga020619 -- - - Happy birthday, big guy! I'm not eating that.
ga020620 -- You should do some sit-ups. - I don't know... - It might cause me to spill my milkshake.
ga020621 -- Aha! He can only get his hand out if he lets go of the cookie. - What will he do? - He will use his wits and your head.
ga020622 -- - - You know better than to stand between me and the kitchen when it's snack time.
ga020623 -- - It's Garfield! - Oh sure, lay pressure on me! - Do you realize all the responsibility that is attendant to being Garfield?! - The eating of food?! The taking of naps?! The kicking of Odie?! - Why can't I be you? ...all carefree and silly? -
ga020623 -- HYUH! HYUH! HYUH! - Complex little creatures, aren't they?
ga020624 -- It says here that pets can be a real comfort. - - So comfort me! Get a fleecy blanket.
ga020625 -- Says here that cats and lions are in the same family. - - You must be adopted. Hey!
ga020626 -- - snip snip snip snip snip snip snip snip snip snip snip snip - I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF I SEE A CAT FOOD COUPON, OKAY?!
ga020627 -- There's going to be a pet show next week, Garfield. Hmmm. - Big prizes! Sounds interesting. - We should enter! Very well. Go fetch your leash, boy.
ga020628 -- "Then the zombie came closer and closer!" Lame... - "Then he broke down the door and walked into the house". Oooh...I'm so scared. - "And he ate the last of the roast turkey". Oh, NO!!!
ga020629 -- "Pets are very sensitive". - "Make sure you give them plenty of hugs". - C'mere, Mister Sensitive! Touch me and I'll remove your arms.
ga020630 -- - - - - - You blinked...I win!
ga020701 -- Cookies - rattle rattle - A tunnel?! Kill the lights!
ga020702 -- Garfield, have you EVER eaten until you were actually full? Full? - FUUULL... - No comprendo, senor. I didn't think so.
ga020703 -- Garfield, you ate all the pie! - You could at least look sorry! - Oops, sometimes I get my "sorry" look mixed up with my "no-pie-for-you" look.
ga020704 -- I'm depressed... - But wait! There's a light at the end of the tunnel! -
ga020705 -- Garfield...GARFIELD! GULP CHOMP SNARF GULP - There's no food on that plate. - Jon, Jon, Jon. When you're at the top of your game, you have to train even harder.
ga020706 -- Lunch - GULP - Dinner. Training an owner is hard work, but the benefits are great.
ga020707 -- Z - Garfield! Breakfast!! Z - YAWN STRETCH - STRETCH mmmmmmmmmmmm - STREEETCH - ...one fork, extra long, please.
ga020708 -- I wonder if it's possible for you to be more spoiled than you are. - More spoiled? - For you, I'll try!
ga020709 -- Look at that. - Only thinking of themselves. - I have to do the relaxing for all three of us.
ga020710 -- You sleep too much. You talk too much. - And you're a lump. You're a dork. - But I love you anyway. You're still a dork.
ga020711 -- - - My foot's asleep.
ga020712 -- Hello, complaint department? ...I have a complaint. - My toaster is broken... - And my life stinks! Is it under warranty?
ga020713 -- If mom had added a hole for my head, this would be my favorite sweater. - So, let me get this straight... - This is your second-favorite sweater?
ga020714 -- - It says here that dogs pant to cool themselves. - I suppose it's worth a try... Why not? - PANT PANT PANT PANT  PANT PANT PANT - PANT PANT PANT PANT  PANT PANT PANT PANT Whoa, I'm going to hyperventilate! - PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT
ga020714 -- PANT Easy there, Jon! - KLUNK - Don't believe everything you read. bzzzzz sluk
ga020715 -- It's monday, and there's nothing over there... - -and nothing over there... - Which can only mean...
ga020716 -- What a dark and gloomy day. - Odie got his tongue stuck in the vacuum cleaner, and all he can say is "Auwl" Auwl!" - Clouds part...the sun breaks through...
ga020717 -- Nothing could take the dull out of this day. - This isn't a tie! It's a snake! - But, what do I know?
ga020718 -- DING-DONG DING-DONG DING-DONG - Why don't you use the pet door?! - Forgot the security code.
ga020719 -- Cindy, I think I'm in love with you. - The thought of you makes me sweat. - We're talkin' sock-soakin' sweat, Cindy! He should write greeting cards.
ga020720 -- - Whew... - TRAPDOOR DOOOGGG!
ga020721 -- - Dinnertime! - Who wants a nice, refreshing glass of lukewarm tap water? - Yesiree, cleanses the system, hydrates the body, returns that youthful glow to the skin...nature's energy drink... - -yum! - SQUOOK - Forgetting to shop is no excude.
ga020721 -- Sorry.
ga020722 -- Is the dog here? - Hang on, I'll check. - Heeey, wait a second. I'M the dog. Sorry. I mistook you for the buffoon.
ga020723 -- I could bite you in half with my powerful jaws! - - If I hadn't burned my lips on a hot cappucino.
ga020724 -- Beware Of The Dog Inc. - - I can't bark at you if you don't have the proper paperwork. It's come to this!
ga020725 -- Grrrrrr - Sorry I'm late! Did I miss anything? - Oh, just some growling and a little teeth gnashing. Darn! Would you start over, please?
ga020726 -- I can't stand the sight of you! - Then I'll leave. Thank you. - EEEERRRRGGGGHHHH
ga020727 -- Grrr. Snarl. Bark. - You call that threatening? - I'm a little self-conscious about my new braces. What is HAPPEINING with this world`!
ga020728 -- click - Tuna. Gulp. - Pork and beans. gobble gobble gobble - Potato sticks. crunch crunch crunch - Apple pie filling. slup slup - Tomato paste. SLURP! - You have been watching "Eating Stuff Out Of Cans". Cooking show themes are running thin.
ga020729 -- Being around me must be fun. - - *I* want to get in on some of that!
ga020730 -- This is the worst hamburger in the history of hamburgers! - ZWIP - I've filched worse.
ga020731 -- I once dated a model, Garfield. - Cindy Krovitz. - She was a covergirl for "Barbershop Digest". Nice handlebar moustache.
ga020801 -- There they are, Garfield. - It's been a long time, hasn't it? - That's the last time I take pictures of your feet. They've grown so.
ga020802 -- You don't remember me? - We went out on a date last night. - Doesn't ring a bell? - I'm sure it'll come out in therapy.
ga020803 -- I could be king of the jungle. - If I wanted to be. - And the jungle had air conditioning.
ga020804 -- - You can tell a lot about a mouse by his mousehole. - Fat mouse... - Skinny mouse... - Tall mouse... - - Howdy! Ah.
ga020805 -- Does your little buddy there want to order from the children's menu? - - And when I TRY to be funny... WAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!
ga020806 -- You changed your menu! Yeah. - Chef Tony is experimenting with more exotic fare. - "Aardvark Tartare"? Enough ketchup and it all tastes the same!
ga020807 -- What comes with the dinner? Bread and your choice of potato. - What are my choices? - Cooked or raw. The Ritz, this ain't.
ga020808 -- I'll have the chili. - Sure thing, hon. - Sign this release form. Diner chili...gotta love it.
ga020809 -- Irma! What happened to your finger? - I burned it in the kitchen while preparing YOUR food! - How can I eat when I'm consumed with guilt? Here, (burp) I'll show you.
ga020810 -- I'd like the "Whoop-De-Doo" burger. - Fries or slaw? Fries. - Confetti or streamers? Confetti! Is the clown extra?
ga020811 -- - - - - - Garfield! - You're letting the cold air out! Hel-LOOOOO!
ga020812 -- - mmmmmmm - I love me.
ga020813 -- I see you two have finally made up. Yep. - It's stupid to fight over something as silly as each other's food! We agree. - That's why we decided to eat yours instead. HEY!
ga020814 -- - Is it true you yell at animals? - GO AWAY! A shocking admission!
ga020815 -- Garfield, you have to get up. - If you want to eat, you have to go into the kitchen. - Will there be any hills?
ga020816 -- squeek queek squeek - squee - I'm on, aren't I?
ga020817 -- Jon gave me this ball of yarn for my birthday. - - Some assembly required.
ga020818 -- Good morning, students. - Today we will discuss... - The human: - His foibles... - ...his insecurities... - - ...his bacon... Touch it and I'll tie your thumbs in a knot!
ga020819 -- I really should get up. - - You really should get up. Been there. Tried that. Didn't work.
ga020820 -- You know, you're not very thrilling. - - Stop steling my lines.
ga020821 -- Look at that poor cat, Martha. - Well, dear, he's in kitty heaven now. - Why don't you go get a shovel? Maybe I should move something.
ga020822 -- Yes, I sense a presence... - I hear mournful cries. - Yes, it's the restless souls of a thousand donuts. Go away.
ga020823 -- What a waste! - Another day has passed you by, Garfield. - You don't have that many left! AND YOU'D THINK I COULD SPEND THEM IN PEACE!
ga020824 -- You just don't care about anything, do you?! - Why, at this very moment a meteor could be hurtling toward this very spot! -
ga020825 -- Whoo! - GEEZ It's a scorcher! - Not even eleven o'clock and it's sweltering! - I'm melting. How is any living thing supposed to stand this?! - 'moring, sleepyhead. Here's your coffee. - slup - This is COLD!!!
ga020826 -- How can you not love cats? - You annoy me. - I wasn't talking to you, buster.
ga020827 -- sniff sniff No... - sni- AH! - -just TRY and beat a summer afternoon downwind of a barbecue!
ga020828 -- I now realize why I eat so much. - I suffer from low self-esteem. - You're a fat slob. And you're helping.
ga020829 -- Coach was very critical of my playing. - I remember one game in particular... - He ran into the stands and slapped my parents. They must have been so proud.
ga020830 -- You'd miss me if I stopped calling, Ellen. - No, I don't want to test that theory. - And no, not for ten dollars. Do I hear twenty?
ga020831 -- I don't have any role models... - No one to look up to... - However, there are those I can look down on.
ga020901 -- bip beep boop boop - Hello, Evelyn? This is Jon Arbuckle. - Would you care to join me in a little fine dining this evening? - I know this cozy little out-of-the-way seafood bistro... - Wonderful food...great atmosphere... - Pardon? - Stinky
ga020901 -- Bob's Sushi Bar and Bait Shack. Cue the crushing rejection.
ga020902 -- Catch that mouse! - Okay. Hang on. Let me go slip on my running shoes. - Seems like a reasonable request.
ga020903 -- Any luck? - Some. - I got the potato chip, but the dip is just out of reach.
ga020904 -- Ahem... - I would like to thank everyone who made my mouse-of-the-year award possible. - Oh, Garfield... Can't you see I'm busy watching the mousehole?
ga020905 -- Garfield, why don't you catch mice? - Are you afraid of them? - What power do they have over you? Tiny little incriminating photographs.
ga020906 -- Hello, pest control? - There's a huge rat im my trash. - I HAVE a cat! You HAD a cat.
ga020907 -- ...and then the giant mouse chased the evil cat away. - Everyone ate cheese and lived happily ever after. The End - That was an odd one. Excuse me. Who said you could borrow that?
ga020908 -- GYM - Wait here, Garfield. I've got to work out. - HUUUUP! Juice bar. - EEEYYYAHH Sauna - EEEERRGGGHHH Vending machine. - OOO! OOO! OOO! OOO! OOO! Hot tub. - Let's go get some ice cream. Cool down.
ga020909 -- - Shhhh - Stalking the wild pizza.
ga020910 -- You two should stop being so competitive. - Okay, Jon, we will. - But since you brought the subject up, which one of us would you say was more competitive?
ga020911 -- You know, Garfield... - Life is strange. - So is your shirt, but you don't hear me blaming life for it.
ga020912 -- Garfield, would you miss me if I went away? - Hmmm... - It's a deal!
ga020913 -- Once you think you've reached the pinncacle of boredom... 17,887...17,888...17,889... - 17,890 arm hairs! - ...the bar is raised once again. One...two...three...
ga020914 -- Oops, my pants are on backwards. - Are you sure it isn't you who's backwards? - Because frankly, your pants look smarter than you.
ga020915 -- - Sir, this is the 12-item express lane and you have 13. - Come on...it's just one mor eitem. Rules are rules. - GULP! - There...twelve. - GRAB SWISH *BEEP* KA-CHING! - I didn't know you had a bar code. Just keep pushing.
ga020916 -- Stay tuned for a recitation of the complete works of Shakespeare. - Sounds good. - I lost the remote.
ga020917 -- We're talking to hog farmer Earl Duroc... - Tell me, Earl, do they like being buried in the dirt like that? - Oh yeah, you water 'em and they grow real big. You got him hooked, Earl, now reel him in.
ga020918 -- The Action Channel presents... - The Adventures of Mark Veneer... - Te Crime-Fighting Mime! Writers' strike.
ga020919 -- And the winner of the ugly baby pageant is... - Little Roberta Saconski! - No pictures...PLEEEASE. I doubt if little Roberta will be asked to the prom.
ga020920 -- We clowns laugh on the outside. - And cry on the inside. - How fascinating, Binky. Tell us more. I'm awake on the outside and asleep on the inside.
ga020921 -- The caterpillar is emerging from the cocoon to become... - A RARE AMAZONIAN VAMPIRE MOTH! - NECK! IT'S ON MY NECK! Sometimes you can't improve upon real life.
ga020922 -- Table for two, please. - Well, this is a nice blind date. It sure is. - You're Jon, right? Yes...what is your name again? - Euphemia. MMMPH! - Do you find my name amusing? Nope! ...just a little leg cramp... - That's a funny expression for a
ga020922 -- leg cramp. I'm...laughing through the pain...EEEEEEE- - eeeEUPHEMIA!! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! snort! snort! Didn't even make it past the breadsticks.
ga020923 -- Would you do me a favor? - Absolutely! - Eventually. Probably by accident. But it could happen. Never mind.
ga020924 -- I gotta dance! - OW! - I gotta call an ambulance! My knee!
ga020925 -- Anything happen around here today? - Well, aside from you asking me if anything happened around here today... - Nothing.
ga020926 -- I am so bored. - I'm drawing faces on all the pillows! - And Jon is so lonely.
ga020927 -- My date insisted that we sit at separate tables at the restaurant. - She said I look better from a distance. - Do you think I look better from a distance? No, just more gullible.
ga020928 -- This isn't real. - How about that... - A fake head!
ga020929 -- - GARFIELD! - Present. DID YOU DO THAT?!! - Hmm...let's see...callous disrespect for personal property... - ...utter destruction on a scale incomprehensible to the civilized mind... - And cat ahir everywhere. - Nope.
ga020930 -- I'm going to have to get up. - No, wait. - I just got my second wind.
ga021001 -- Time to water the plants. - - Subtlety, thy name is NOT Jon.
ga021002 -- Odie, your tail says you're a noodle-neck stupid head. - Are you going to take that? - I wonder why dogs chase their tails. yip! yip! yip! It's a mystery!
ga021003 -- - Odie has a girlfriend! - Please don't let them multiply!
ga021004 -- I've gotta get out of here! - There must be someplace to hide! - Who wants to help me look for cornflakes that look like celebrities? TOO LATE!
ga021005 -- Have a bowl of rocks, Odie! - crunch crunch crunch crunch - crunch crunch crunch crunch That sounds kinda good.
ga021006 -- - WHY don't you ever listen to me? Huh? - WHY don't you ever agree with me? That's not true. - WHY don't you show me any respect? I do...bonehead. - WHY don't you ever show affection? Catch me around a mirror sometime. - WHY do you cause me
ga021006 -- so much grief? Because I'm a cat. - And WHY do i still love you anyway? See previous answer.
ga021007 -- I couldn't decide which shirt to wear... - So I put all of them on. - I couldn't decide what to eat, so I ate everything! Where's the refrigerator?
ga021008 -- What do you want for dinner? - Who are you talking to? - I mean, is there anything you don't want? Raisins.
ga021009 -- Nature holds many dangers. - Squirrels with miniature weed whackers! - Especially these days.
ga021010 -- This is all I'll be shedding today. - - I dread tomorrow.
ga021011 -- I could be on a date now. - But I choose to just sit here with you. - The things I do for the women of the world.
ga021012 -- - - Stay in character, Garfield.
ga021013 -- - Hello! - I'm looking for a masseur! - ...one who can deliver a vigorous teep-tissue massage! Can you recommend anyone? - WHOMP! - - Do you have a card?
ga021014 -- How are you, Jon? - I have a headache. - As if you care. Good to hear. Have a nice day.
ga021015 -- YAAAAH! - Okay, Garfield! Stay calm! - Way ahead of you.
ga021016 -- AAAAHHH! - YAAAAAHHH! - Aren't you curious to know what that was about? Not unless it will cause dinner to be late.
ga021017 -- I had a pretty good day today. - Three...two...one... - Once I got my leg out of that bear trap. Jon never disappoints me.
ga021018 -- Sometimes I feel like a failure. - Oh, come on, Jon! - SOMETIMES?!
ga021019 -- Boy, the sun sure set early today. - Burned-out light bulb. - Okay, so I'm no nature expert.
ga021020 -- - Ah, autumn. When mother nature expresses herself. - Painting from a palette so rich and full. - The eyes do dance with delight. - And drink deeply from this, the sweetest season of all. - VOOOO - I sincerely doubt that poets penned any
ga021020 -- loving odes to leaf blowers.
ga021021 -- Z - Go back to sleep. - Z Hey, don't knock it. I've lasted longer than any clock around here.
ga021022 -- I'm going outside for a while. - - Brr...it's cold out there. You were in the refrigerator!
ga021023 -- Sock puppet impression. - - The invisible man! Go away.
ga021024 -- I'm the world's fastest spider! zip - SCHWOP - Okay, okay, second fastest.
ga021025 -- I am a tiny spider! - swat - And this is a tiny magazine!
ga021026 -- Remember that time I chased you? - And you fell into a pit full of angry monkeys? - Now that was funny! This is why none of the great comedians are dogs.
ga021027 -- . plop! - Excuse me, mister... - I'm a poor, defenseless little baby bird who just fell out of his nest... - Could you help me backup there so I can be with allllllllllll my brothers and sisters again? - - Oh, stop with all the disapproving
ga021027 -- glares already.
ga021028 -- I am going to follow my dreams, Garfield. - You don't have any dreams, do you? - Aside from the dancing monkey in the chocolate fondue pot, no.
ga021029 -- I was much more acttive than you today. - I would have been active too... - If I'd caught MY tie in the blender!
ga021030 -- ...and that's what I did today! - How about you? - I spent the day listening to what you did today.
ga021031 -- TI carry a picture of you in my wallet. Really? - I show it to lots of people. All right! - It gets me lot of sympathy. You snuck up on me with that one!
ga021101 -- On the farm, we were close to nature, Garfield. - I remember running bare foot through the cow pasture. - Boy, that was disgusting. You may stop right here.
ga021102 -- Is it my imagination, or do you insult me at every opportunity? - - That's assuming you HAVE an imagination.
ga021103 -- - - - - - smack smack smack - All right, I'll turn the furnace on!
ga021104 -- Run! It's the cat! - We can't run, you idiot! We're plants! - I sense fear. Then tip over and roll!
ga021105 -- - - You made lemonade. I gotta start reading instructions.
ga021106 -- - - Took my ball of yarn for a walk.
ga021107 -- Ah, nature! - - Did you forget to pay the nature bill?
ga021108 -- - MEOW! - MEOW! That would bw for me.
ga021109 -- My foot's asleep. - - And dreaming.
ga021110 -- - You have that look in your eye... - That look that says you're going to express mail the dog to a foreign embassy... - That says you're going to lace my underwear drawer with itching powder... - That says you're going to perform a horrible
ga021110 -- practical joke on me while I'm asleep. I know that look. - - By the way, have you seen Odie? scratch scratch scratch I gotta get a new look.
ga021111 -- I'm going to gnaw on the woodwork. - - I hope you get a splinter!
ga021112 -- Filthy vermin! - Yeah! - It wouldn't hurt you to take a shower!
ga021113 -- - Why aren't you chasing the mouse? The mouse? - Oh, I didn't recognize him in those glasses.
ga021114 -- Garfield, what's that noise? Uh...what noise? squeek squeek squeek - Sounds like mice. I'm babysitting. squeek squeek squeek - Tell me it's not. They're giving me cheese. squeek squeek squeek
ga021115 -- Hey! - Pick it up! - I almost caught you! Sorry.
ga021116 -- I guess a house with a fat cat should have a fat mouse, too. - What are you talking about? - I am NOT fat! I'm just big boned.
ga021117 -- Garfield! C'mere! - Whaddya think? Huh?...Huh?... - Chicks dig guys with pony tails. - - gck gck - ding dong ** - SHRIEEEK! WAIT!! Amazing how fast they can run in those high heels.
ga021118 -- It's Socko the Superhero Sock Puppet! - And his trusty sidekick, Fuzzy Slipper Man! - There's something wrong with that man. You said it.
ga021119 -- My life is without meaning! - BAT - I take it all back!
ga021120 -- RIIINNNNNG! - All right. I'm up. Just doing my job. - Z
ga021121 -- You're standing in my food! - Sorry. -
ga021122 -- You only date athletic types? - Well, Mary, I have good news... - I'm wearing bowling shoes! CLICK Gutter ball.
ga021123 -- Are you looking at me? No. I mean, yes. - I mean, maybe! I mean, if you wanted me to, I was! If you didn't, I wasn't! Help me out here! - I should've asked her out. Before she started running.
ga021124 -- Sigh. - You know, some folks wouldn't see this for what it is. - Some folks wouldn't understand the astonishing reserves of self-discipline this requires. - Some folks wouldn't comprehend the intense concentration involved.
ga021124 -- Some folks wouldn't appreciate the conditioning thet goes into producing muscle memory this advanced. - - ARE YOU GOING TO LIE THERE ALL DAY?! Yeeees. It's the old "fear-of-what-you-don't-understand" syndrome".
ga021125 -- I am not lazy. - Now, would my conjecture be more credible if I were standing? - Perhaps, but we never know.
ga021126 -- Ever wonder about life, Garfield? - Where we come from... - Where we're going... Why it takes two hours to deliver a pizza.
ga021127 -- Sigh...I have no friends. - HEY, PAL! ZIP - Wishful thinking.
ga021128 -- Once upon a time, there was a cat who loved to eat. - He ate and ate and ate. - Then he exploded. Is this medically accurate?
ga021129 -- - - Couldn't find a bookmark. I figured that.
ga021130 -- Christmas is coming soon. - All together now...1...2...3... -
ga021201 -- bip bip boop beep - How about going out with me tonight, Ellen? - Well, I thought we'd take the bus down to the mall... - Have a romantic dinner for two in the food court... - -and then visit Santa! - - You know, Ellen, Santa heard that too.
ga021201 -- And I bet he's blushing.
ga021202 -- What do you call that look? - Eager anticipation. - I don't know if I can TAKE that for the next 23 days.
ga021203 -- - - Okay, let's go get a tree. You read my mind.
ga021204 -- Hey, stranger! Long time no see! - You're looking great! Can I get you anything? - Some water, maybe?
ga021205 -- It's not the size of a present that counts, Garfield... - It's the THOUGHT that counts. - Think huge.
ga021206 -- Now back to "Zorgo..." - "The giant radioactive mutant reptile who saved Christmas". Predictable. - RAAHHHR! You glow bight enough, you get to guid the sleigh.
ga021207 -- Boys! Hot chocolate! - ZIP ZIP - Where's Odie? I'm standing on him.
ga021208 -- - - - - - Garfield, I gave you that gift wrap tube to PLAY with! And your point?
ga021209 -- Eggnog? - Why, thank you! -
ga021210 -- Coming up next: - "Hairy Larry, the spider who saved chistmas". - *
ga021211 -- You have reached *Santa's Workshop*. If you've been naughty, press 1. If you've been nice, press 2. - boop - Yeah, riiiiiiiiiiiight.
ga021212 -- Dear Santa, this is Garfield. - Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. - How's that? One more "gimme" oughta do it.
ga021213 -- Doing anything special for Christmas, Gandma? - No...I see. - Just hanging your peeps ans catching some big air down at the skateboard park, huh? Same ol', same ol'.
ga021214 -- Ho! Ho! Ho! - - Elves.
ga021215 -- - Say, cat, could you pick up my mail and watch the place for me? - -I'm going away for the holidays. Sure thing. Where are you headed? - I rented a little hole at the south end of the living room, next to the heat register. Sounds cozy. -
ga021215 -- Well, I'd better or I'll miss the train...thanks! Happy holida- - ...Train? GARFIELD!! -
ga021216 -- You think? It couldn't hurt. - - Visit Santa ...and a girlfriend, and some chest hair, and a personality, and... Never saw the fat guy fight back tears before.
ga021217 -- You! ...you, you, you!! - It's all about YOU; isn't it?! - What about MY needs?!! Visit Santa I think I'll try another mall.
ga021218 -- They're in the oven now... - Should only be about ten minutes. Ten minutes?! - Do you realize how long that is in "Christmas cookie" minutes?!
ga021219 -- - - * Weeeee WISH you a merry Christmas, we WISH you a merry Christmas... *
ga021220 -- - Who goes there? EEEK! - GARFIELD! I WAS JUST GETTING A GLASS OF WATER! Step away from my present, sir.
ga021221 -- Wha? - This is a dream and I'm a sugarplum. - Wanna dance?
ga021222 -- - - - - - - Three more days, Garfield. Just reserving my place in line.
ga021223 -- The tree is up, the lights are on, and now it's SNOWING! - There's only one thing missing... - BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!
ga021224 -- Christmas is all about tradition... - ** DING-DONG - -and that would be our traditional Christmas eve barbeque pepperoni with double cheese.
ga021225 -- It's Christmas! - - Join me, won't you?
ga021226 -- Christmas takes forever to arrive... - And then it's here! - And then it's gone! Another "weird cat" mood swing.
ga021227 -- Garfield, did you save all the bows like I asked you to? - -
ga021228 -- Okay, so maybe mom is getting a little forgetful. - It's the thought that counts, right? - ...right? Come closer and ask that again.
ga021229 -- BIP BOOP BOOP BRRP - Ellen, I need a date for new year's eve. - You've already got a date? Well, can you fix me up with someone? - No, I 'm not picky. Red flag. - Yes, I suppose I could rent a plaid tuxedo... Big red flag. - Yes, I can do all
ga021229 -- kind of animal impressions... Humongous red flag. - No, I don't mind her mime troupe chaperoning us... An't a flag big enough OR red enough.
ga021230 -- Hey, don't be sad...everyone feels the same way. - Besides, they'll be back next year. sniff - I miss Christmas cookies.
ga021231 -- Not until midnight. - You gotta promise me. - C'mon, PROMISE! Oh, okay.
ga030101 -- - - Happy new year. Not from where I'M standing.
ga030102 -- I have no regrets, Garfield. - Do you have any regrets? A few... - Beginning with this stupid conversation.
ga030103 -- Just imagine the amazing things that will happen in the future. - - Like will I get the sesame seed from between my teeth?
ga030104 -- Let's celebrate! - You're fat. - Not the excuse I would have picked, but it'll do.
ga030105 -- At last! - Here it is, Garfield! - Our new mega-home entertainment theatre. - We have digital high definition, wide-screen, CD, VHS, DVD, CD-ROM, surround sound... - ...and then there's the best part... - Five, count 'em, five remotes! We can
ga030105 -- share!
ga030106 -- In the long run, I think bad luck and good luck even out. - THUD - I missed the chair. You're going to have to get on a really, really, REALLY long run of good lick to catch up, pal.
ga030107 -- Going somewhere? - Uh-huh. And unfortunately for you, this is it.
ga030108 -- CRASH! - What was that? The new paperboy. - He has quite an arm.
ga030109 -- - - If you average them out, they're normal.
ga030110 -- Well, Cindy, I am a literally kind of guy. - Actually, I'm writing my memoir. - I'm up to my thumb-sucking years. That's three chapters.
ga030111 -- Any requests? - - Yeah! Hold still!
ga030112 -- - Jon, Jon Arbuckle! - Don't you remember me? Uh...no! - It's me...Bertha! - I've lost 200 pounds! Wow. - Well, gotta go! Good to see you. Yeah...you too. - Wow. I can't believe she would let herself go like that.
ga030113 -- Is it my turn to decide what we do today? - Yes. - But it's my turn to say I don't want to do it.
ga030114 -- The best things in life are free! - - How much would the SECOND-best things cost?
ga030115 -- You're in medium-sized trouble, mister! - Rats. - That was hardly worth the effort.
ga030116 -- It's one of those restless nights. - When the weight of the world comes down on you. - Like what if the refrigerator explodes?
ga030117 -- You're getting fatter. - I am? - Whew! I thought the world was shrinking!
ga030118 -- I have disdain for you. - - Unless "disdain" means something good.
ga030119 -- Sigh... - ...so I took her to this fancy restaurant and everything was going fine...when I missed my mouth and stuffed a breadstick up my nose. - My date laughed an inhaled an olive. I jumped up to help her, not realizing that I had tucked
ga030119 -- the tablecloth into my pants. - Well, that knocked the candle over, setting the tablecloth on fire. - So I go running through the restaurant trailing a blazing tablecloth when the sprinkler system goes off. - Now, everybody starts screaming
ga030119 -- and diving out windows, and my date...well... - Do you know what a really wet, really mad sheep dog looks like? First dates are always so awkward.
ga030120 -- This sandwich tastes funny. - You think YOU have problems... - I have peanut butter between my toes.
ga030121 -- There's something happening. - I finally got the wildfire in my sock drawer under control! - Out of the ordinary, I mean.
ga030122 -- Don't bother me. - I said, don't bother me! - You just insist on existing, don't you?!
ga030123 -- Check it out, Garfield. - A tie is the crowning touch to any ensemble. - And if you happen to have on that lights up... - You'll be an easier target.
ga030124 -- I am really striking out, Garfield. - Even "Gap-Toothed Gretta," the distance-spitting queen, shot me down. Too bad. - She actually sounds like a fun date.
ga030125 -- I'm back from damaging the neighborhood! - I just got off the phone. - Wonderful! Saves me from having to fill you in on all the details.
ga030126 -- Garfield, check this out. - I bet not even YOU could be this relaxed. - - - - - OK, I'm humbled. Don't mess with the master.
ga030127 -- You are the pet, I am the master. - The most important thing in your life is your master's voice. - Are you listening? Sorry, I was thinking about cereal.
ga030128 -- Where's your smile, friend? - - I must have left it on my other face.
ga030129 -- Jon, do we have a toothpick? - I have bread and ham stuck between my teeht... - ...on second thought, do we have any cheese?
ga030130 -- Greetings...I am an alien life form bent on world domination. - Why are you in the refrigerator? - I used to be a meat loaf. JON!
ga030131 -- That's it. No date. - I tried every woman I know. He did, too. - And even some I don't. Boy, were THEY surprised.
ga030201 -- I'm not going to share this cookie with you. - GRAB - I could've told you that.
ga030202 -- - Arbuckle Famils Reunion Z Jon, give your ol' aunt Trudy a kiss! Doc Boy, a pig? Were you raised in a barn?!! ...is that a trick question? ...what's that in your eyebrow? - ---how did you get rid of your bunion? ...a weed whacker. ...uncle Roy, have you seen my
ga030202 -- contact lens? - ...I brought photos of our trip to see the world's biggest hairball. ...do these pants make my hips look big? Urp.. ...it's not the pants, dear. - ...then the chicken exploded! ...corn'll give'm gas, alright. ...isn't this
ga030202 -- nice? So far, no brawls, no calls, and no falls. It's kinda like dinner theater, isn't it?
ga030203 -- - How's that herbal tea? - IT'S NOT COFFEE, THAT'S HOW IT IS!
ga030204 -- Awww. Rough day, Jon? - Cheer up, Jon! - Was I supposed to say that? At least YOU care.
ga030205 -- RIIING - May I speak the the head of the household? - Speaking. Give me that!
ga030206 -- You can be replaced. - ALL RIGHT! - That was an insult. How soon can we have someone here?
ga030207 -- Garfield, I can read your mind. - You're thinking, "why doesn't Jon feed me?" ...right? Close. - Actually, it was, "why doesn't dork boy feed me?"
ga030208 -- It's an amazing world we live in. - They can put a man on the moon... - Yet they can't make a computer that bounces. What was that crash?
ga030209 -- - JON ARBUCKLE Man of Action - ...member of the International Hall of Hunkhood... - ...poster boy for testosterone... BONK THUD! POW! SOK DUCH BAM! - Able to tame the wildest hearts! - YAAAHHH! - Another one of those
ga030209 -- "how-did-my-life-wind-up-like-this" dreams?
ga030210 -- I've instututed my first tine.saving measure, Garfield. - Are you ready for this? ...as I'll ever be. - One button! It would be cruel to tell him about pullovers.
ga030211 -- Sad, lonely or sick... - If I had to choose one... - I'd pick lonely. Is that a shot?
ga030212 -- This day is gone, Garfield. I thought It would never leave. - We can't relive it. Relive "boring"? - It's gone forever. Lock the door in case it wants to come back.
ga030213 -- You are INSOLENT! - Why thank you! - Another adjective to add to my resume.
ga030214 -- People seek me out for financial advice. - - Did you take my wallet?! I want a lawyer.
ga030215 -- Jon sys we don't have to go out to have fun. - Jon says everything we need is right here. - Jon says is't fun-with-hair-gel day.
ga030216 -- YAWN... - Good morning. It's sunday, and you know what that means... - A humongous newspaper with COLOR funnies... - And...and... - Aaand... - And that's all. - But that's enough!
ga030217 -- I am the ghost of hamburgers past here to show you the error of your ways! - GULP! - Needed more of the ghost of ketchup past.
ga030218 -- Paper, mister? - - I wonder what the headline was. "Cat Shreds Newspaper"
ga030219 -- There are some questions in life I'll never know the answers to... - Like, "what's the capital of North Dakota?" - I can never at that one.
ga030220 -- I think setting goals is very important. - Good idea. - Without a goal, how would you know when you failed?
ga030221 -- See the bunny slipper, Garfield? - The bunny is sad because he can't find his friend. - Do you know where his friend is? It's just a hunch, but you might check the garbage disposal.
ga030222 -- Garfield, where's the canary, and what's that on the floor around you? - - I'm shedding feathers! I'm shedding feathers!
ga030223 -- - - - - - - Boogie break. Disco dork.
ga030224 -- With my new journal, I can keep track of all the exciting things that happen to me! - Darn. Darn. Darn. Darn. Darn. Darn. - Darn. Darn. Darn. Day one: Every pen in the house ran out of ink.
ga030225 -- Walking is good for you, Garfield. - - But...what do I know... I didn't know knees could bend that way.
ga030226 -- I'm going to spend the evening trying out different kinds of shampoo! - - And one kind of furniture polish.
ga030227 -- I wonder if Jon has food I can steal. - I have some food you can steal! - So much for the thrill of the hunt.
ga030228 -- You should get closer to nature. Okay. - - Sitting next to a plastic fern doesn't count. I have much to learn.
ga030301 -- It's fun time! - - Unless my watch is fast.
ga030302 -- - Garfield, I got us a bicycle. - And check out my biking attire. Some call it attire. I call it underwear. - We're going get oohs and aahs! And tee hees and ha has. - DING DING DING DING DING - Hello, ladies! DING DING Good-bye, dignity!
ga030303 -- Invisible Wall Ahead - - SMACK
ga030304 -- Beware of The Dog! - He Bites Really Hard! - However, He Can be Bribed. Translation: always carry meat.
ga030305 -- Beware of The Vicious Dog - Well? - The sign is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between it and me is purely coincidental.
ga030306 -- Beware of The Guard Dog - RRRR What are you guarding? - The sign. Ah.
ga030307 -- I chased my tail yesterday. Yes? - And caught it. Good for you. - And buried it. That's a little more information than I needed.
ga030308 -- I sniffed things in the front yard, and then I chased my tail. - Later, I'm going to go sniff things in the BACKyard! - The dog version of vital.
ga030309 -- Got a minute, Garfield? - Garfield, I'm so stressed out. - The yard needs mowing. - And the car needs an oil change. - The house needs painting. - But, at least I have you to comfort me. - My litter box needs cleaning.
ga030310 -- Hard work is its own reward! - - Okay, okay! Gimme the punch line!
ga030311 -- I'm thinking of burping. - Burp - I burped. You don't have lot going on, do you, Garfield?
ga030312 -- I'm going to spend the day doing nothing. - - Cough. Amateur.
ga030313 -- I'm i a rut, Garfield. - I should travel...see the world. - Pack my bags, put you in a kennel and take off! Excuse me?!
ga030314 -- No one returns my calls, Garfield. - Either I've alienated everyone I know... - Or weevils have chewed through the phone lines! Ho, Jon. You've alineated the weevils, too.
ga030315 -- - - We could use more furniture. I think one chair is plenty.
ga030316 -- ** DING DONG - ** DING DONG Garfield, I'm getting a one-hour, in-home massage! - Guten Tag. I am Helmut, your masseur. My, what big...knuckles you have. - I set up a table here. You lie down, relax, und vee begin. - CRACK - Was that ME? Ja. -
ga030316 -- AAAAGGGHHHHH Only 59 minutes and 45 seconds to go.
ga030317 -- Who wants to say something nice about me? - You're fat. - Next?
ga030318 -- I'm trying to decide which would be more exercise. - Running around the block... - Or running around you. How about running FROM me, smart guy?
ga030319 -- You can't see your feet, can you? - How do you know you're not wearing ballerina slippers? - I hate it when he plants these doubts. Or golf shoes?
ga030320 -- You're as light as a feather! - Of course, I'm talking about the world's heaviest feather, you fat disgusting pig! - I gotta work on leaving the room faster.
ga030321 -- Hmm... - Maybe if I stood backwards on it... - uoY era taf.
ga030322 -- You were fat yesterday, you're fat today, and you'll be fat tomorrow. - Garfield, you'll be fat till the day you die! - Darn. He gave away the ending.
ga030323 -- - z z z - z z z - z z - z z - z z - z z z
ga030324 -- clop clop - clop clop - Die time. Couldn't we just get carpet? clop clop
ga030325 -- Time to lose some weight. - Nobody's home... - And it's crowded in here.
ga030326 -- I like to visualize these rice cakes as a juicy steak dinner. - I don't have your imagination. - So I have to visualize this juicy steak dinner as a juicy steak dinner!
ga030327 -- I wonder how Garfield is doing on his diet? - If 11 donuts stick together it counts as one, right? - I wonder a lot of things.
ga030328 -- Halt! - Are you cheating on your diet? - What's in here? That would be Skippy, my, ug...pet quirrel.
ga030329 -- How's the diet going? - It's going. - ...going, gone!
ga030330 -- - I wonder what Odie's thinking? - GULP - - shake shake shake - BOOT! - Oh, he's probably thinking fond thoughts of moi.
ga030331 -- The news around the world isn'T all bad. - - I guess you can't be anywhere. Hey!
ga030401 -- You have something stuck between your teeth, Garfield. Where? - Right between your front ones. What is it? - It's the refrigerator. Do we have any really big floss?
ga030402 -- I'm going out, Garfield. - Don't get into any trouble. - At least nothing that involves a swat team. Then don't be long.
ga030403 -- It's quiet around here. - Want me to break something? - I'm not complaining, mind you. Want me to break something quietly?
ga030404 -- I have the feeling I'm going to have a good day. - Thought you could lock me out, didn't you? - I had to throw the birdbath through the picture window, and then pull up the mailbox to lean against the... That feeling is fading.
ga030405 -- - I can't think of anything to say. Darn it, Jon! - Then how am I supposed to ignore you?!
ga030406 -- - Yo! Yo! Yo! Garfield, what it is? - Just chillin' in the crib, homey? - I'm letting chicks know that I'm da bomb. - I'm gonna scope the park wit' my bad self. - Whoa! - THUD! - Tru dat.
ga030407 -- There's just no pleasing you, is there?! - - Okay, once more, but this time with a little bit more emotion.
ga030408 -- HA! HA! HAW! HAW! HAW! - CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! - Quit tickling the milkman!
ga030409 -- This house needs fixing. - I'll need some of those little pointy things... Nails? - And one of those poundy things. Stop him.
ga030410 -- Odie swallowed my golf ball! - - I'll play as it lies. Get back here.
ga030411 -- I can't decide whether to stay here... - Or go someplace else. - Compromise.
ga030412 -- This is one of those squirting flowers. - This is one of those clawing paws. - Can you say "detente"?
ga030413 -- - It's a beautiful day, boys. - Everyone's out with their pets. - Celebrating their shared lives. - Showing their affection for one another. Oh no... - Oh, the joyous union of human and animal! Her eit comes... - Group hug!
ga030414 -- My goal is to be a little less pathetic, Garfield. No! No! You can't do that, Jon! - Think about your fans! - You've set a standard to which losers everywhere aspire!
ga030415 -- Garfield, would you say I'm suave? - Yes, I would. - If you coated my body with honey and staked me down to an anthill. Debonair, even?
ga030416 -- Garfield, I'm starting a garden! - Tilling the soil...nurturing seed. - And did I mention I'm wearing overalls? I knew there was an ulterior motive.
ga030417 -- bip bip boop - Hi, it's jus Jon calling to say hi... ...hi! - Hey, let's go home and check my answering machine! Pity him.
ga030418 -- Chicks dig intellectual guys, soooooo... - ZZZZZZZZZZ - This makes my forehead look larger! Ah, the old "big brain" ploy.
ga030419 -- I sometimes feel like a failure at life. - - I was hoping for a little sympathy. That's another thing you've failed at.
ga030420 -- Z - Z - Z - Z - **Z** - -
ga030421 -- Slacker! - Why are you just sitting there?! - There's napping to be done, man! Go waway.
ga030422 -- YAWN Is that all you have to do? - Noooo... - YAWN scratch scratch
ga030423 -- I don't want to be disturbed while I sleep. - - Or after I wake up, for that matter.
ga030424 -- Let's play a game, Garfield. - Let's pretend you're vital. - Let's pretend you're useful. Let's pretend gravity is great today.
ga030425 -- - Breathe, Garfield. GASP! - Lazy! I would have, eventually.
ga030426 -- I'm going to throw out everything moldy I can find. - I hope you're cleaning out the refrigerator. - Because if you're not, this is dandruff, not mold.
ga030427 -- - Who wants to feed me? - - Who wants to fix food for the hungry kitty? - - Who wants to keep their lips? Is it dinner time already? - You don't have to have the answers if you ask the right questions.
ga030428 -- I am now officially bored. - Officially? - I have a certificate. Cool!
ga030429 -- - YAWN - Was that necessary? Have you ever spent any time with yourself?
ga030430 -- You look bored. - I'm not, really. - This is just force of habit.
ga030501 -- Is that how you're going to spend your day? - My day, my week, my month... - You're pathetic. My year, my decade, and my century.
ga030502 -- Can I tell you something, Garfield? Something very personal... - Something of great importance... - I guess not.
ga030503 -- My date had a great time tonight! - - I suspect. A no-show, huh?
ga030504 -- - How can you just LIE here like that?! - - - Simple. - - Like this.
ga030505 -- You don't scare me. I'm not trying to. - Good, because you don't. Like I care. - Oh, the bitter struggle between cat and dog.
ga030506 -- You know what I hate? - War? Pestilence? Poverty? Injustice? - Humidity. Me too!
ga030507 -- Life...this is it, Garfield. - This is all there is. - No dessert?
ga030508 -- I'm finished running. Me too. - Well... - Finished. Didn't start. Whatever.
ga030509 -- Wow. What a beautiful sunset. - What could be more beautiful than that? - I'm going to say tuna salad.
ga030510 -- YAWN! - Uh-oh. My mouth is stuck open! - Help me! Or throw some food in! Preferably the latter.
ga030511 -- - bzzzzzz Hey, look...a cat. bzzzzzzzzz So it is. - bzzzzzzz Let's buzz around his head a few hundred times. bzzzzz Cool! - zzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz - You don't suppose he finds this annoying, do you? Nah, everybody loves
ga030511 -- flies. - SMACK! - SMACK! - "Eeevreybody loves flies!" - Okay, not everybody.
ga030512 -- We have with us this morning the inventor of decaffeinated coffee. - Sir, what inspired you? Z - Sir?... Sir?... Z I'll drink to that.
ga030513 -- We have with us the inventor of the tape recorder. - Good evening, sir. Good evening, sir. - Now, stop that! Now, stop that! THIS is why I watch television.
ga030514 -- Now back to "Grandma's Knitting Basket"! - click-click clickety clickety click clickety cli - @#M*%@!!! DROPPED A STITCH! Grandma's a colorful old gal.
ga030515 -- We have with us tonight a man with...uh...one eye, in the middle of his forehead... - Your name, sir? Cy. Cy Clops. - GET HIM OUTTA HERE! Hey, I'll keep an eye out for ya! Hol don! That's a rubber eye!
ga030516 -- The following is a rerun... - And just why are we rerunning it? - Because NOBODY watched it the first time! I'll watch!
ga030517 -- Our first guest tonight is a man who can't say no... - Are you married, sir? No. - Oops! Dang! - Our next guest... Fame is fleeting.
ga030518 -- - - - - - - Throw rugs have it good.
ga030519 -- Z - You woke up with a smile! I know... - Help me!
ga030520 -- - - Are you gonna finish that? GARFIELD!
ga030521 -- The stupid... - - You have to admire their consistency.
ga030522 -- Odie is missing and the vacuum cleaner is barking. - And do you know WHY? - Because *I* sure don't. Whew!
ga030523 -- That hamburger had better be right THERE when I get back! - - GARFIELD! Problem?
ga030524 -- GULP! - Ha! I FOOLEd you! That was a fake WAX hamburger! - Well, stick a wick in my navel and make a wish. pick pick
ga030525 -- Sigh... - I need a date. - I really, REALLY need a date. - My soul aches for the mere presence of a woman in my general vicinity... - My lonliness knows no bounds! My longing for companionship is unrivaled in the annals of human existence!
ga030525 -- ...so, how about it? - - Telephones don't care. Not even a pity ring.
ga030526 -- What a beautiful, sunny day! - - We need heavier drapes.
ga030527 -- I know that look. Feed me. - You want to be brushed, right? - Or perhaps not. Feeeed meeeee
ga030528 -- I wish I could know what you're thinking... - - Is it "feed me"? Hel-LOOO, DR DOOLITTLE!
ga030529 -- I know that look. - It's you "Who, me?!" look. - This means you've done something awful. Who, me?
ga030530 -- I know that look...it's your "I ate your goldfish" look. - Burrrrrrrrrp - Wow, you're good.
ga030531 -- I know that look. - That's your argumentative look. - Sez who, beetle brain?
ga030601 -- - Yup... - There's a great big beautiful world out there. - - - SLAM! - I prefer my little ugly world in here. You're pathetic!
ga030602 -- Garfield, I wonder what TRUE happiness is... - CLONK - Fill it up or I'll show you what it ain't.
ga030603 -- Let's play a game... - You completely and utterly ignore me... - And I'll sit here and pout. - I sense that this is heading somewhere.
ga030604 -- The washing machine keeps spitting out my dirty sweat socks. - - Can it do that? I know *I* would.
ga030605 -- - - Bath day.
ga030606 -- I'm tired of thinking deep thoughts, Garfield. - - Can nose hairs get dandruff? Ahh..back to the shallow end of the thinking pool.
ga030607 -- I'm making dancing fingers. - Now I'm not. - Now I'm wiggling my toes. Oh, to be less informed.
ga030608 -- - I've gotta put a stop to this "aging" thing... - I wonder if I walked backwards if I could reverse the process... - - FUMP - - Yeah...THAT took a few years off my life...
ga030609 -- I have another birthday coming soon. - - Oh, it's not invited, but it always drops in anyway.
ga030610 -- 25 years on this planet, and what have I accomplished? - AB-SO-LUTELY NOTHING! - What's with the smug grin? Please...modesty forbids.
ga030611 -- 25, huh? To what do you attribute your longevity? - - Ah.
ga030612 -- Soon I'll be turning 25...wow. - The things I've seen...the things I've done... - Well, the things I've seen, anyway.
ga030613 -- 25 years... - A lot has happened in this world since I was born... - -not that I had a HAND in any of it, mind you.
ga030614 -- I'm gonna be 25 years old...man, where did the time go? - Is the fridge still this way? Yeah, help yourself. - Thanks...me.
ga030615 -- - Excuse me...do I know you? You should. - I was you back in 1978. - Cool! So I'm the new, improved you! "New", yes, but "improved" is a matter of opinion. - In my opinion, then, yes. However, your opinion is my opinion, and mine, yours;
ga030615 -- meaning uh, that our opinion is, uh...not...uhhhh... - -
ga030616 -- So, I was you, huh? A long time ago. - How did I see out of those itty-bitty eyes? - First explain how you stand on those two spindly legs.
ga030617 -- This is fascinating! - I'm watching myself eat! - One of my favorite pastimes is now my favorite spectator sport!
ga030618 -- Shall we retire to the kitchen? Splendid idea. - ...age before beauty. Excuse me? - Who's the one turning 25 here? Har har har
ga030619 -- Today is my 25th birthday and I want to thank you for reading me. - I'm not talking about the other readers, I'm talking to YOU. Thank YOU! - From all of us!
ga030620 -- Things were so much better back in 1978. - Better than 200 channels? Twoooo huhhh... huuuh... - I'M NOT WORTHY! Wanna see the picture-in-picture?
ga030621 -- I hear a lot has happened since 1978. Like what? - I hear disco died. - Not i THIS house.
ga030622 -- - Are you bored? I am. - At least I think I am. - Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am. - ...or am I? - Hmmmmmm...I gues Iam. - You? Nope. Indecision fascinates me.
ga030623 -- Play time! No, thanks. - Play time! You try too hard.
ga030624 -- - Sigh. - Don't start. - You don't bat me anymore. How'd you like another dryer ride?
ga030625 -- Fine! I don't need you! ...I can have fun all by myself! - - Whee! You're pathetic.
ga030626 -- Dad was a tube sock... - Mom was a scarf... - And poor sis neve rmade it off the sheep. Darn that wolf.
ga030627 -- Stop following me! But I want to play! - Jon, would you just look at this?! - What is it, Garfield? Why are there never any witnesses?
ga030628 -- Hi, Garfield. Jon, this ball of yarn is obsessed! - What's going on? It has a mad crush on me, and won't leave me alone! - Say, why don't you play with that ball of yarn, there? Will you LISTEN to the man?!
ga030629 -- Ahhhh... - I love grass. - In the morning it's wet and cool... - In the afternoon it's warm and soft... - And at night it's the perfect cushion for stargazing. - - What a smile. What a lawn.
ga030630 -- I firmly believe you were put here to punish me. - Not only that... - I was put here to punish dogs, too. Odie?
ga030701 -- ...fancy white albacore, packed in spring water. sniff sniff - Excellent! Very good, sir! - Every cat should have his own tuna steward.
ga030702 -- Cream? Of course. - Sugar? Pil eit on! - Coffee? Just a splash.
ga030703 -- Thursdays are too far from the start of the week, and not close enough to the end. - Thursdays just lie there. - I shoul dhave named you "Thursday". - That's "MR." Thursday to you.
ga030704 -- DING-DONG ** - DING-DONG ** DING-DONG ** - DING-DONG ** DING-DONG ** DING-DONG ** DING-DONG ** DING-DONG ** DING-DONG ** DING-DONG ** DING-DONG ** DING-DONG ** DING-DONG ** You'd think the man had never been locked out of his house before.
ga030705 -- I'm tired... - But I'm not SLEEPY... - I want my money back!
ga030706 -- - Z - Z - Z - Z - Z - I'd like to see you exercise sometime. You should see me sleep sometime.
ga030707 -- Women just don't seem to notice me, Garfield. - Maybe I seem unapproachable...intimidating... - That's IT! Jon Arbuckle: Man of Mystery! The Ego is a wonderfully resilient thing.
ga030708 -- Know why chicks dig me, Garfield? - Because I know what drives 'em wild. - Good oral hygiene. We're so lonely.
ga030709 -- Ellen says I remind her of a comic-book hereo. - Which one, Ellen? "Lazer Man"? - "The Adventures of Clown Boy"? Who, disguised as mild-mannered geek, Jon Arbuckle...
ga030710 -- I don't know about this dating thing, Garfield. - I'm beginning to get a little discouraged. - I mean, I'm almost up to the "X's". Hey, there's always the yellow pages.
ga030711 -- Beth, PLEASE go out with me! - I PROMISE I won't embarrass you... - ...like I did on our last date. *I* thought the twirling bow tie was a stitch.
ga030712 -- I finally got a date with Beth! - It's three years from next thursday. - Her calendar was kind of full. And your head is kind of empty.
ga030713 -- - - BOOT! - THUD - - - Any doubt why I love this dog?
ga030714 -- It's been said that cats have mystical powers... - Is this true? - You're looking for lotto numbers again, aren't you?
ga030715 -- My hamburger! - You're a pig! oink oink oink oink - I like this game...what am I now?
ga030716 -- I swear I didn't eat your hamburger! - It was...uh...Clive! Do you really exprect me to believe that "invisible friend! stuff?! - BURP
ga030717 -- knock knock knock - Anybody you want eaten? - It's for you, uncle Earl. There's one in every family.
ga030718 -- I'm not sleepy at all. - Or hungry. - STOP IT! STOP THE CRAZY TALK, JON!
ga030719 -- I can do anything you can do! - Ow. - Okay, so I CAN'T scratch the back of my head with my foot. Never challenge the Mighty Garfield!
ga030720 -- Z - Z - Z tippy toe tippy toe - Z ahem - Z ring - SMASH! - Still to loud. Rats.
ga030721 -- There's old uncle Ed... - He had false teeth, a glass eye, a wooden leg, and a hock for a hand. - He was a blast at family reunions. That was my guess.
ga030722 -- Hey, look! My old high-shool gym shorts! - Mom always sewed name tags into all my gym clothes... - I see also sewed "front" and "back" tags in them, too. What?
ga030723 -- Hey, mom sent me a box full of my baby teeth! - I lost them all on the same day, you know. - Darn ol' tree. I wonder what's on TV?
ga030724 -- Mom sent me an old blanket. - That's funny. I never had a special blanket when I was a ki- RIIING - Don't get emotional, Doc Boy. I'll send it back right away. Yes, Doc Boy... Sigh.
ga030725 -- Look, mom sent me some drawings I did when I was little! - That's a chicken. - You're holding it upside down. It's supposed to look alive?
ga030726 -- Here's another drawing I did when I was little. - It's a cow. - See where it says "cow" next to that little arrow pointig to it? Clever use of symbolism.
ga030727 -- Geez, look at me... - I'm getting old. - My cheeksa re puffy, my face is sagging... - Look at the bags under my eyes. - Wrinkles, too...and I'm getting a gut. - What do you think I should do, Garfield? - I think you should close the drapes.
ga030727 -- EEEK!
ga030728 -- I just ate an entire meal... - ...and you didn't steal any of it. - Happy birthday!
ga030729 -- I'm in a nostalgia mood. - BURP - Aaah...lunch!
ga030730 -- Garfield, you can be very destructive. - I can? - I wasn't giving you permission! Too late! I already broke something!
ga030731 -- I am drawing ever closer to inner peace. - - That's my new name for a nap.
ga030801 -- Tell me, Maureen, do you hate me more than you used to? - The same? - I call that progress! You da man!
ga030802 -- don't believe it! - Garfield only ate half of his food! - I took a break for a snack. Oh.
ga030803 -- - - You know, I'm a do-nothin' kinda guy. - But, I do nothin' very well. - I fact, I'm the dean of do-nothin'! - A LEAN, MEAN, DO-NOTHIN' MACHINE! - How you doing? Feeling vital, thank you!
ga030804 -- Dark shirt. - Cat. - Tah daaah.
ga030805 -- I', going to vacuum this cat hair off the rug. - Think, Jon! - If you left the cat hair, we wouldn't NEED a rug!
ga030806 -- Sometimes it's good to count your blessings. - Cat hair is NOT a blessing. - Well, it comes in handy if you're a cat.
ga030807 -- A cat hair! - I thought you were DONE shedding! So did I. - Ah, it's the spare.
ga030808 -- If I see ONE more cat hair around here, I'm going to LOSE it. - poink - YAAAAHH! Definitely worth the price of admission.
ga030809 -- My life has no meaning. - You know...when you don't move, you shed less. - What was I thinking?
ga030810 -- - ? - - - Open your mouth, dummy. - There it is, dummy. - SLURP!
ga030811 -- Do snails do ANYthing fast? - - No.
ga030812 -- * RING...RING... That'll be mom. I'd better take it... - * RING She's calling long distance. Where does she live? - * RING Behind that shrub over there.
ga030813 -- - rub rub rub rub rub - That was very affectionate, Garfield. I had peanut butter on my hands.
ga030814 -- My sock puppet is in the wash. - - Sydney shoe just isn't the same. My foot is cold.
ga030815 -- I've been all over the world! - Which is no big deal... - I can see the edge of it from here.
ga030816 -- Ah... - What a beautiful day! - It's raining. Not in the kitchen.
ga030817 -- - - - Well, look at you! - That's quite a smile! - It's nice to see you in a good mood for a change. - I SAT ON A MOUSETRAP.
ga030818 -- As time passes, you get fatter and fatter. - Ah yes, the age-old dilemma, Jon. - How to stop time.
ga030819 -- Sniff...it's lonely being a scale. - Nobody listens to me. I'll listen. - You're about eleven pounds shy of a big rig! I walked right into that one.
ga030820 -- You're fat. Fat? - Really fat... Really fat? - Really, really fat. Oh! Really, really fat. I knew that.
ga030821 -- - Wow! Congratulations! On what? - You are now officially prohibited from crossing some bridges.
ga030822 -- You're fat. - - How about now? You may LOOK smaller, but you're still fat!
ga030823 -- Just once I'd like to hear something nice form you. - Oh, how wonderful it would be to soar through the sky like an eagle, so proud and free. - I mean about me. You'd never get off the ground.
ga030824 -- - Hey, pal! Hey, hallucination. - Wait a minute! - What are you doing here? I only see you when I'm on a diet. - Well, SURPRISE! - I just heard your owner on the phone with the vet, and you're going on one now! I am not! - I'll vouch for him.
ga030824 -- Oh, no! Pizzas NEVER lie! SLAP
ga030825 -- - - Been climbing trees? I know, diet time.
ga030826 -- You may have an entire grape for a snack! - - HOW ABOUT A DROP OF WATER TO WASH IT DOWN?!
ga030827 -- - - I'm only having ONE meatball.
ga030828 -- I like celery. Oh, me too! - That's why I've dressed this stalk up in its own little outfit! - You're supposed to eat it. CANNIBAL!
ga030829 -- "Cheeesecaaake". - I was right! What? - You just gained a pund.
ga030830 -- I'm off my diet. - I'm on my diet. - I'm off my diet.
ga030831 -- BURP - - - - - - * - Teddy bears are like keys...they're always in the first place you think they'd be, and the last place you look.
ga030901 -- I want to be left alone. - - Unless you're a chocolate chip cookie!
ga030902 -- This house is a mess. - We shouls do something about it. - Any suggestions? Do what I do. Close your eyes.
ga030903 -- I'm off on a long journey! - - Ran out of table.
ga030904 -- Someday, tree, when you grow big enough, I might climb you! - - I hope to heck I'm a redwood.
ga030905 -- You know what we could use in our lives? - A wacky adventure! I'm in. - As long as it's not too wacky or overly adventurous.
ga030906 -- ah AH AH - CHOO - Don't ask.
ga030907 -- - Hmmm... - A sack. - They say cats find sacks fun. - Whee. - We're having some fun now. - Oh, when will the fun ever end?
ga030908 -- Hello there, ol' pal, ol' buddy, ol' pal! - - And Jon!
ga030909 -- - All right! - When it freezes over, we can go skating.
ga030910 -- We were out of chocolate chips, so I used bacon bits. - - Cats aren't famous for their baking skills. UNTIL NOW!
ga030911 -- I'm going to hang my jacket in the closet. Uh...Jon... - CAT HAIR! - That's where I go to shed.
ga030912 -- I'm trying to decide which woman to call for a date. - There are so many in the phone book. - How to choose... Look under "D" for "desperate".
ga030913 -- I just accidentally knocked your Ming dynasty vase off the and broke it! - Just kidding! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! - It wasn't an accident.
ga030914 -- - Here comes my big greeting. - - - Hey! Where's my big greeting? - - SLURP!! Oh, there it is.
ga030915 -- Pay attention to me, world! - - Maybe the world is over here.
ga030916 -- There's a great big wonderful world out there! - - I hope it doesn't collide with this one!
ga030917 -- ...and then...uh...I forget what happened. Oh, great! - YOU TOLD ME A STORY FOR AN HOUR AND FORGOT THE ENDING?! - If I had been paying attention, I would really be upset!
ga030918 -- - - Would this be a bad time to ask you to help get this piece of sofa off my claws?
ga030919 -- Let's see... - YAHOO! - Buy new curtains.
ga030920 -- Whoa... - That's amazing! - I fell of my chair. So you didn't suddenly become invisible?
ga030921 -- - Too much sun isn't good for you. - If you say so. - - But SOME sun is okay. - If you say so. -
ga030922 -- - SPLAT SPLUT SPLOT - Thanks for the warm-up!
ga030923 -- A funny thing happened on the way to the fence! - - And, boy, I wish you had been there.
ga030924 -- Who wants to hear me sing a song? - - Isn't that cute? The audience is too shy to speak up. Is not.
ga030925 -- * Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow ** Come on! Everybody join in! - - What?! You don't know the words?!
ga030926 -- The entire audience is asleep. Z Z Z Z Z Z Z - Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z - Time to check their pockets for candy! Z Z Z Z Z Z
ga030927 -- Tough audience. Boo! Booo! Boo! Boo! - How about if I just fall of this fence and land on my head? - Just gives you a awrm. fuzzy feeling for mankindm doesn't it? Yeah! All right! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
ga030928 -- - I have the last cookie! - The VERY last one! - And I'm not sharing! - - Okay, okay, this is plastic. - Gee, I wonder what happened to the last REAL cookie. BURP
ga030929 -- It's a cold, dark morning. - It's hailing...locusts are eating the lawn... - The fence is on fire... - Just another average monday.
ga030930 -- Hey, worm...worm? Yes? - I thought this was your front door. It is. - I'm sweeping out my garage.
ga031001 -- My pen is out of ink. - Mand my ink is out of pen. - Hey! That's my best shirt! Not anymore.
ga031002 -- Is this seat taken? Be my guest. - CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP - Guess what escaped from the zzoo? Perchance a beaver? Burp
ga031003 -- CRASH CRASH CRASH - What a world we live in! - It's getting so you can't take a stroll through the kitchen cabinets without knocking over a bunch of dishes!
ga031004 -- I dream great dreams. - And I let my mind go blank while staring off into space... - With the same net results, I'd say.
ga031005 -- - - ROBOTS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE WORLD! - - - - What's so great about this? I could have told you.
ga031006 -- Chase the ball, Garfield! - - What did I ever do to YOU?
ga031007 -- A cookie crumb. - Can't...reach...it... - Why don't you move? I assume you're talking to the crumb...
ga031008 -- What are you doing, Garfield? - Ah...breathing, I see... - Well, don't overdo it. I sense sarcasm.
ga031009 -- I thought I left my keys around here somewhere. - - Ow.
ga031010 -- I'm going out running. Me too. - Except for the "going out" part. - And that "running" thing.
ga031011 -- I'm exhaused. I think I'll... - - Keep doing this.
ga031012 -- - Sigh... - Time to get ready to start the day. - - - - Um...what are you doing? Getting ready to get ready to start the day.
ga031013 -- What's new? Nothing. - SMACK - How about now? That IS a conversation starter.
ga031014 -- I am the ghost of a spider you once swatted! - SWAT - Ghost of a rolled-up newspaper.
ga031015 -- Ow! I bit my tongue! - Ack! - Being a poisonous spider has its drawbacks.
ga031016 -- You gotta see this. I am so proud! - flip flip flip flip flip - What's this? Pictures of my 73,000 grandchildren!
ga031017 -- Hey, cat. Yo. - Would you do me a favor? Sure. - Would you bring me a ladder? I'm out of this web stuff. Pathetic.
ga031018 -- I wanted to take dance lessons. - But do you know how much they charge spiders because of the extra feet?! - And you don't even want to hear what tap shoes cost! I'm sure I won't.
ga031019 -- Z Z - Z Z - Z Z - Z Z - Z Z - Z Z - WOOF I love you too, Odie.
ga031020 -- I wonder if I'd miss you if you went away. - - Noce try.
ga031021 -- Jon, I need to express myself. - So I've taken up painting. - I call it "Stupid in Green".
ga031022 -- Does this color look good on me? - Absolutely. - But it looks lousy on that shirt.
ga031023 -- saw saw saw - - What is this?! Either my calculations are off, of he moved the refrigerator.
ga031024 -- I wish *I* had nothing to do! - I wish *I* weren't so busy! You're right. - That dot-to-dot book isn't going to connect itself.
ga031025 -- BARK BARK BARK BARK - To be perfectly honest, I'm rather fond of cats. - And yet tradition is upheld. BARK BARK BARK
ga031026 -- Irma's Diner - Ready to order? - Where's Irma? On vacation. - Uh, will you be cooking our food? Nope. - In that case we'll have the "Spanish Special". - Tacos for two, and go light on the flies this time, Bubba. scratch scratch
ga031027 -- Have you heard the strange, ghostly sounds around this house lately? - ARRRRROOOOOOOOO - Could we discuss this after dinner?
ga031028 -- CHING! - INCOMING!!! - zzzzzzzzzzzz Toasters...every now and then you get a mean one.
ga031029 -- Our toasters is possessed by an evil spirit. - You think I*'m nuts, don't you? Nonsense. - You'll have to pardon me though, while I slowly back away to what I deem to be a safe distance.
ga031030 -- Garfield, our toaster IS possessed by an evil spirit. Oh? - I wasn't sure of it before, but I am now. And why, pray tell, is that? - It spit poppy seeds all over me. You look like a giant dummy roll.
ga031031 -- Hello, Hank's Appliance Repair? - I have a toaster possessed by an evil spirit...can you come and take a look at- click - He hung up on me! No, I think the toaster cut the phone line.
ga031101 -- What does one do with a toaster that's possessed? - - SMACK Unplug it, stupid!
ga031102 -- GROWLLLLL - I need a snack. - A big snack. - A huge snack... - A great big huge whoa-momma honking snack! - Grape? - I swear I'll never understand that boy.
ga031103 -- You going someplace? - No place. - And believe me, this is it.
ga031104 -- - - Sorry I'm late. Oh, SURE you are! Now that we're out of shoes and fruit!
ga031105 -- I was thinking... All right! - Way to go, Jon! - I wasn't done with my statement. Quit while you're ahead, dummy.
ga031106 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Aw, what's the use? Nobody appreciates me. - Shaddup, you stupid mutt! There you go! Gee, maybe I'm wrong.
ga031107 -- ROWR! ROWR! ROWR! ROWR! - Gee... - This collar DOES chafe. Told you!
ga031108 -- - scratch scratch scratch - How does he keep it up?
ga031109 -- - - Gee... twist twist - I feel kinda bad... - twist twist twist I slipped a habanero pepper into Jon's eclair. - But I don't feel bad about that. - I feel kinda bad about turning off the water main. GAAAAHHHH twist twist twist twist twist
ga031109 -- twist
ga031110 -- That book can't be more interesting than me. - What's new with you, Garfield? - That's none of your business.
ga031111 -- BARK BARK BARK BARK - Are you even listening to me? Yes, I am... - You were saying something about smelling bad, having fleas, and being ugly.
ga031112 -- Life is complicated... - You're born. You eat. You sleep. You croak. - ...for some of us.
ga031113 -- Ahem - WOOF ! - Have you been lifting weights?
ga031114 -- I caught the mouse! - Then guess what happened? - Hey, who's telling this story? Well excuuuse me!
ga031115 -- It's Jon! - I'm out of food. - Can we get a different Jon in here? snap snap
ga031116 -- - Hmmm. - If I eat Jon's bagel, he'll be angry with me. - But if I don't, I'LL be angry with me... - What should I do? - - You ate my bagel! But I'm pleased with myself.
ga031117 -- Cats are dangerous! - YAWN - Or so I've heard. scratch scratch scratch
ga031118 -- YAWN - BURP scratch scratch scratch - You're a bad influence on the vermin. Hey!
ga031119 -- Did you spit out your gum, Garfield? - Nope. - I put it in your sandwich until after lunch.
ga031120 -- WHEW! - Your tuna breath could peel the paint off the walls! - What do you mean, "could"?
ga031121 -- Killer Sock Puppet! Get Back! - You have to sleep sometime. My hand is ever alert. - If you could ever get a date, we wouldn't have to play these dumb games. Wanna go get a pizza?
ga031122 -- Man, am I sleepy! - I 'm so sleepy I couldn't sleep! - With you, it's just one novel idea after another, isn't it?
ga031123 -- - Z My foot's asleep. - Z No, I'm not. - Z I wasn't talking about yo. - Z Oh sure, talk about your right foot. You've always liked him better! - Will you shut up?! I'm trying to sleep! Hey! Don't make me separate you two! - Z What am I
ga031123 -- saying? WAAH!
ga031124 -- The future lies before us! - - Or is that the past? Hard to tell them apart.
ga031125 -- What if we could see into the future, Garfield? - Even just five years into the future...what would we see? - Probably this, and hopefully with a fresher pot of coffee.
ga031126 -- Care to join me, Garfield? I'm contemplating life. - WHOA! - Sound like you have it covered. OH NOOO!
ga031127 -- Today's the day... - The day you're all allowed to eat without any guilt whatsoever. - WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!!
ga031128 -- Here's your shopping list, Jon. - That won't fit in the car. - "A...bigger...car".
ga031129 -- - BAT - I'm having the time of my life! Trading places was a bad idea.
ga031130 -- - - - - - - -
ga031201 -- CHRISTMAS IS COMING! - SHOPPING! CARDS! WRAPPING! RELATIVES! - Panicked yet?
ga031202 -- Christmas is coming! Have you been good? - Me neither. - Let this be our little secret.
ga031203 -- Have you thought about what you want for Christmas, Garfield? - - YOU THINK TOO MUCH!
ga031204 -- ...we now return to our holiday special... - "The Christmas that almost wasn't". Saw it. - Rudolph gets a runny nose.
ga031205 -- I really should get around to baking some Christmas cookies. - - If I know what's good for me. You're stealing my lines again.
ga031206 -- Wanna share a candy cane? - - That's not sharing! I'll save you the stripe.
ga031207 -- - - I love Christmas. - - - I love Christmas. - I'm a carrier.
ga031208 -- You got a Christmas card from our neighbor, Mrs. Feeny. - She says she hopes you get coal in your stocking... - A big ol' hot, fiery coal. Yeah, yeah. I love her, too.
ga031209 -- Welcome back. - We now return to "Murray Needleman..." - "The roadside assistance specialist who saved Christmas!" So THAT'S how you tow a reindeer.
ga031210 -- I remember Christmas back on the farm... Uh-oh. - The family, the food, the caroling... Here we go. - ...decorating thr goat... -and there we went.
ga031211 -- Yes...I see, thank you, goodbye. - That was the mall. - You are no longer welcome at "Santa's Happy Hollow". Fink elves.
ga031212 -- Yes, I went shopping. - And yes, I bought your Christmas present. - And yes, I hid it. Then the game's afoot!
ga031213 -- I'm heavily into tradition this holiday season. - -EVERY... -COOKIE ...GONE!! - -AGAIN!!! As I was saying...
ga031214 -- - - - - - - Pick a spot and LEAVE it there! Have you no sense of aesthetics?!
ga031215 -- Hallo?... Hi, Grandma! Happy holidays! - Here? ...oh, cold, blowing and snowing...you? - It's 88 in Cancun. Yeah, but with the wind chill, it's 87.
ga031216 -- Look, Garfield, a card from Doc Boy! - "Happy anniversary, my dearest, on this our wedding day. Love, Doc Boy." - What does it mean? It means the feed and grain store was out of Christmas cards.
ga031217 -- When it comes to wrapping presents, nobody's faster than me! - - I said, I was fast, not neat. I picked up on that.
ga031218 -- I never received a Christmas card from you, Ellen. - It must have gotten lost in the mail. - Lost mail isn't THAT funny, Ellen.
ga031219 -- Don't get me wrong...it's not that I don't like Christmas. - I LOVE Christmas... - But what's with this "once a year" thing?!
ga031220 -- Sigh. - Christmas never comes soon enough. - The best holidays always arrive fashionably late.
ga031221 -- - * RIIING - Hello? - Yes, he's here. - Who's calling? - - You PAGED Santa?!! Hey, his E-Mail server has been down all morning.
ga031222 -- ? - sniff sniff sniff sniff -
ga031223 -- - -
ga031224 -- It's Christmas eve...presents are wrapped, carols are sung, and Santa's snack is out and waiting. - There's only one thing left to do... - -not be able to fall asleep all night.
ga031225 -- Ahem... - A on, and a two, and a... - MERRY CHRISTMAS!
ga031226 -- Oh, no! - Christmas is gone! - DID I SAY YOU COULD LEAVE?!
ga031227 -- Denise, I need a date for new year's...I'm begging you...I'll do anything. - - Um. I don't think I can locate a chicken suit and a camera crew on such short notice. Don't think he won't try, though.
ga031228 -- - You know what I like about bowling, boys? - It's a great way to meet girls! - KA-BANG - THUMP THUMP OUCH THUMP - OOF! EEK! THUMP - And their angry boyfriends.
ga031229 -- Whoa. - I put on a few pounds over the holidays. Hey! Hey! - No one likes a braggart, pal.
ga031230 -- Do you know what would be fun? - Jon, pay careful attention... - If I did, would I be standing here?
ga031231 -- - - You want to wear the hat for a while? I don't think I could do it justice.
ga040101 -- Who knows what the future holds? Less of this, I hope. - Maybe medical science will make major advances. - Like curing those little floaty specks at the edge of our vision. And the big one in the middle of mine.
ga040102 -- What ever happened to my glory days, Garfield? - Wait! Wait! I know! - KER-FLUSH
ga040103 -- Good times are ahead. - Or behind. - Because they sure aren't there.
ga040104 -- - You know, boys, I was thinking... - What would life be like if cats and dogs wer ein charge? - Hmmm...interesting. - I'll have to give this some thought. - Get us something to eat, clean my litter box, give Odie his bath, and I'll get back
ga040104 -- to you.
ga040105 -- Z - blink blink - Why can't the sun have a snooze button?
ga040106 -- Do not hit me in the face with that pie! - You're the boss. - Pie down the pants! SPLAT!
ga040107 -- I am not pathetic! - - Am I? Jon, you're asking a cat's opinion.
ga040108 -- - PLOP - Stand here.
ga040109 -- Maybe we'll go out to eat tonight. - - But not to the pet shop for canaries and goldfish. Can we drop by on the way home for dessert?
ga040110 -- My date excused herself from the table... - And never came back! Excuse me, Jon... - Maybe she got locked in the ladies' room. ...while I step into the closet and laugh for awhile.
ga040111 -- Sigh... - Garfield, I gotta do something with my life. Why start now? - I don't know what to do. DO what I do. - I guess I'll raise my standards. I've lowered my standards. - I'll be tougher on myself! Now I'm easier on myself. - I'll take on
ga040111 -- the world! I got out of bed this morning. - Who am I kidding? How do I do it?
ga040112 -- Aaaaah! - He's drinking my hot tub! - How's the soup? What....
ga040113 -- Cheese! - - And crackers! Now you're talking!
ga040114 -- We took a vote, and we've decided to allow you to stay in the house. All right! cool! - Right? - Lucky for you!
ga040115 -- Help! I am frightened of that big strong cat! - - Help! I am frightened of that big strong cat! What?
ga040116 -- What are you doing in there? - The same thing you are. - I pity you. Ditto the pity, pal.
ga040117 -- You're trapped! - Yeah, trapped in here with the chocolate chip cookies. - I wish I were trapped. You'd need a bigger hole.
ga040118 -- - Hi, Odie! - Great to see you! - But now, sadly, our visit must end. - Oh, the pain of it all! - BOOT! - Literally. CRASH!
ga040119 -- Do you know what I think? I certainly hope not. - Sigh.
ga040120 -- - I think my toes are jealous of my fingers because they get to point at things. - Note to self: stop walking around the house!
ga040121 -- I fell down sixty-three times, but I still like them. - THUD - Sixty-four! Ladies and gentlemen, the inventor of banana-peel slippers!
ga040122 -- I don't care what anybody else thinks! - - How's that sound? Needs work.
ga040123 -- This has been a long, long day. - This day is really zipping by. - Could I borrow a cup of your day?
ga040124 -- Garfield! It ISN'T time to get up! - THEN WHY YELL AT ME?! - That works. Rats.
ga040125 -- Ahem. - HURK! - HOOOOK - NYAAAARK - HOURRRK - HAAACK - Can you and your hairball take it outside? What, and give up show business?
ga040126 -- Entertain me. Sorry, pal. - This is what I do. Not even alittle time step?
ga040127 -- - - And just where do you think you're going? Who, me?
ga040128 -- You never take me anywhere. - BAT - Wow! This must be the floor I've heard so much about!
ga040129 -- BAT - Yee-HA! It must be true... - PARTEE! REverything is relative.
ga040130 -- - - You've really let yourself go. Ha ha ha.
ga040131 -- If you had ome wish, what would it be? - To be part of the biggest sweater in the world! Who would it be for? - You, lard-bottom. Walked smack into that one.
ga040201 -- - - - - - - I'm on the "I have pets" diet.
ga040202 -- You never know what a cat is thinking. - That's right. We're very mysterious. - Eat. Sleep. Eat. sleep. Eat. Sleep.
ga040203 -- You look different. - Have you lost weight? - OH, NO, WAIT! THAT'S NOT IT! - YOU'RE EMPTY! - THAT'S WHAT IT IS!!
ga040204 -- Glop. - -and a sprig of rosemary! - Glop with a sprig of rosemary.
ga040205 -- Is it true that you have nine lives? - No. - It just seems that long when living with YOU.
ga040206 -- I'm the most wonderful man in the world? - You love me madly? - I ddin't have the heart to tell her it was a wrong number. How thoughtful of you, fantasy boy.
ga040207 -- Your breath smells like tuna. - Why, thank you! - I owe it all to "Kitty Tuna mints"!
ga040208 -- BEWARE Of The DOGS - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Oops, I'm late for another appointment! - I'm going to turn you over to my assistant, Spot! Uh... - How's it going, pal? Uh... - According to your chart, I'm to bark at you, right? Uh... - Arf!
ga040208 -- Come on! Is this how you treat a regular customer?
ga040209 -- Question, Odie...is dog food made from dogs? - Urp slap - ZIP Nah, it doesn't taste stupid enough.
ga040210 -- - Odie, let's talk effort versus return here. - You know, you can still lead a pointless life without all that running around.
ga040211 -- Odie, in honor of your gullibility... - I'D LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH THIS INVISIBLE TROPHY! - GARFIELD!
ga040212 -- Odie can't remember where he buried his bone. - Yes... - It's the dreaded glasses-on-the-forehead syndrome.
ga040213 -- It had to happen. - Odie chased his tail once too often. - Now it's hiding from him.
ga040214 -- And now, to explain why dogs drool so much, here's the dog who wrote the book... - -ODIE! - Swim on over here, pal!
ga040215 -- YAWN - I'm exhausted. - Must sleep. - Now I'm wide awake. - Now I'm sleepy. - Wide awake. - Z Now what?
ga040216 -- I drew up a list of thing I don't want you to claw. - - I guess I should have put the list on the list.
ga040217 -- Nobody knows what the mysterious cat is thinking. - - Not even the mysterious cat.
ga040218 -- YAWN - - Hey, I was just thinking about you.
ga040219 -- - How about giving me a big smile? Why? - You already have one.
ga040220 -- I'm going to go make a sandwich. - Well, be quick about it. - I don't have all day to stel it, you know.
ga040221 -- Do you ever get that sleepy feeling in the middle of the afternoon? - I do. - And this afternoon has lasted 25 years.
ga040222 -- - Mom, dad, Doc Boy...we're here! - We were bored just sitting at home watching the TV. - So we came over for a visit. -
ga040223 -- You can swat me, but there will be another spider to take my place! - Very well then. SMACK - I'll renew my newspaper subscription.
ga040224 -- I'm not coming any closer. - SMACK! - My latest invention: magazine on a stick.
ga040225 -- Hee, hee, hee. When that cat gets here I'm going to swat him with this magazine! - Uh-oh...too heavy! - Couldn't wait for me, huh?
ga040226 -- Hey, cat! - This is my lawyer, Sid. I have a restraining order against you! - Uh, why the smile? I've never squished a lawyer.
ga040227 -- - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! I wish the cat were here to swat me.
ga040228 -- - SMACK - Ha! Ha! Just kidding! OH! WELL THAT MAKEs IT ALL RIGHT THEN!
ga040229 -- - * DING DONG Someone's at the door. - Hiya, kiddo. Grandma, what brings you here? - I need a favor. Name it! - You know that martial arts championship tomorrow? - Sure. You want to come over to watch it? - Nope, practice! I'm a contestant!
ga040229 -- urk Meet Granny the Grip.
ga040301 -- As it turns out... - This is NOT my lucky hat! - I may be just a cat, but it doesn't seem to me that Life is not quite as simple as Jon makes it.
ga040302 -- Stop whatever you're doing! - - I just always wanted to say that. So I don't have to stop?
ga040303 -- This cat food actually doesn't smell too disgusting. - Oh, well... - I'll eat it anyway.
ga040304 -- Ever have days when you just can't get anything done? - Days when I can't get anything done? ...no. - Decades? ...yes.
ga040305 -- Laziness comes naturally to you, doesn't it? - Uh-huh. - If it didn't, I wouldn't attempt it.
ga040306 -- Okay...everybody off! - FLEAS! - YAAAHH!! I only agreed to give them a ride this far.
ga040307 -- * - * - * - * - - SLIP! - You did that on PURPOSE, didn't you?! *
ga040308 -- It's going to take more than one STUPID little alarm clock to get ME up this morning! tick tock - tick tock tick tock Z tick tock tick tock tick tock - tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock This does not bode well... tick tock
ga040308 -- tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock
ga040309 -- Cats do strange things. - Strange... - Cats do things?
ga040310 -- You know, today bears a striking resemblance to yesterday. - For all I know, this could be yesterday. - Don't you have anything to do? Nothing that can't wait until tomorrow.
ga040311 -- It says here that all good yodelers must warm up. - WOOO WOOO WOOO - Let's take this outside. Get back here!
ga040312 -- Who wants to claw the furniture? - I do! I do! - Be right back. I don't like the look of this.
ga040313 -- Look, Garfield! I finally got a SOCK to fit on my head. Surprised? - I think what surprises me the most... - Is that I didn't find that at all surprising.
ga040314 -- - Ugh. Burp. - Sniff. Snuck. - Kaff. Cough. - Grunt. Grate grate. - Smack smack. Haaaack. - Sigh. Morning talk.
ga040315 -- - - You're probably wondering why this plunger is on my face. I refuse to play your little game.
ga040316 -- So, my contact slipped all the way back in my eye and I couldn't find it. So, I thogut, "Hey! Let's do some major suction!" So, I got this plunger and...well... - Could you maybe give me some help here? You know, grab the handle and give it a
ga040316 -- really good twist! - ...or not... DOY OY OY OING
ga040317 -- It's kinda nice not having to look at Jon's face. - On the other hand... - Stealing his lunch isn't half the fun.
ga040318 -- - - They should put a warning label on those things.
ga040319 -- - - Hey, what's going on? Donut racks only speak when spoken to, pal.
ga040320 -- twist twist twist - Well, it's about time! -
ga040321 -- - Garfield, do you love me? - Let me check. - - - - Check.
ga040322 -- I like to start my days slowly. - - Then build up to this.
ga040323 -- If you're patient... - ...and you wait long enough... - Nothing will happen.
ga040324 -- *********** - - I couldn't dream last night. The cable was out.
ga040325 -- - GULP - What's for lunch? Swallow your breakfast!
ga040326 -- Is that all you're going to do? Yes. - - As long as there is space, I'm going to stare off into it.
ga040327 -- It seems like this day will never end! - Good night, Garfield. Whew! - I barely got that last complaint in.
ga040328 -- Oh, joy! - I'm so hungry I could just eat... - ...and eat and eat. - ...and eat and eat and eat. - ...and eat and eat and eat and eat. - ...AND EAT AND EAT AND EAT AND EAT AND EAT. - BUT WHY STOP THERE?!
ga040329 -- You can anything you want and still lose weight! - How? Why, by getting out of that chair and committing yourself to a lifetime regimen of rigorous... CLICK! - Whew! I narrowly avoided the "E" word!
ga040330 -- This may very well be the greatest show in the history of television. - - But it's still no match fr my mighty remote! CLICK
ga040331 -- CLICK - - Oops, sorry. I had the remote set on COMIC STRIP.
ga040401 -- The following program is not a rerun. - However, it is a lot like a bunch of other shows. - I'd rather see an original rerun. click
ga040402 -- My next guest, as you can see, has two heads. - Has this been a problem for you? A PROBLEM?! NOOO! - Ever hear the expression "two heads are better than one!?! ...ever hear it EIGHT GAZILLION TIMES A DAY?!! I think he hit a nerve.
ga040403 -- click - Z It...it can't be! It's a dream come true!!! - Z - The All-SLEEP channel!!!
ga040404 -- - You know, you guys totally absorb my life. - I never have time to myself! - Not a minute alone! - You're always around! - - Thank you.
ga040405 -- Good morning, Garfield. - Wait a minute! I don't remember putting socks on my hands! - Gah! My underwear is on the outside of my jammies!! I think I'll spend today far away.
ga040406 -- I'm ignoring you. Ignoring me? - And you had to tell me about it?! - Amateur!
ga040407 -- - Are you ignoring me? Not really. - Because I wish you would. CAN'T I JUST STAND HERE?!
ga040408 -- - * ding ZIP! - GULP Why do I bother baking cookies?
ga040409 -- You shouldn't eat so fast. - I think you're right, Jon. - My teeth were getting hot.
ga040410 -- BURRRRRRRRRRRR - ...RRRRRRRRRRP! - That burp lasted through four rooms! You're amazing.
ga040411 -- hop hop hop - Excuse me, Mr. Cat, sir... - would you like to contribute to our blood drive? - Even a small donation would be greatly appreciated. - You're a flea, aren't you? Um...well, uh...Yeh, I guess. - STONK - That teeny hurse's cap
ga040411 -- didn't fool me for a minute. Medic!
ga040412 -- If you had the chance, would you actually bite me? - No. My vet put me on a low-fat diet. - And who says exercise is good for your health?
ga040413 -- I have an idea, Garfield. - We ca play a little game. - Let's play "Find the Feet". Is this one of those sarcastic games?
ga040414 -- - - Ypu're fat. Am not.
ga040415 -- This came in the mail for you. - Maybe now you'll consider dieting. - You've been classified as a small planet! Cool!
ga040416 -- I could go for a S7-course meal. - You need to go on a diet. - 56?
ga040417 -- Today you start your new diet. Oh, no! This calls for desperate measures! - I must travel back through time to avoid it! - Hey! Boy, you cave men are ugly!
ga040418 -- Sigh.. - Well, I'm on a diet again, and you know what that means... - Sorry I'm late! Food hallucinations. - There was a little twelve-pickle pileup in the kitchen. - Traffic was backed up for several floor tiles. - - Not very filling, but
ga040418 -- always entertaining.
ga040419 -- I had a dream about food. - BURP - With onions.
ga040420 -- Garfield, I know you're on a diet... - But how would you like a whole, entire bowl of food? -
ga040421 -- Here is your veggie burger, Garfield. - What?! - Are the cows on strike?
ga040422 -- - - How's the salad? Ask it yourself. I'm not speaking to it.
ga040423 -- I'll be right back. - crinkle - I heard that candy wrapper! What makes you think it wasn't a celery stalk wrapper?
ga040424 -- Garfield, I've decided to take up woodworking. - What would you like me to make first? - Lasagna.
ga040425 -- Mmmmm... - Good ol' grass... - Green... - Soft...cool... - And when you lie on it... - The only way you can look is up. - Let's hear it for spiritual moments!
ga040426 -- - - Let the bad times roll!
ga040427 -- Sometimes I have to wonder, Garfield... - Where is life taking me? - How about OVER THERE, garlic breath?
ga040428 -- My back itches. - Great news, Jon! Your pathetic existence is about to have some purpose! - I feel so fulfilled. Lower.
ga040429 -- They've improved your cat food. - It doesn't look and smell as disgusting as it used to be. - Then it isn't cat food.
ga040430 -- There are a lot of things going on in the world you don't know about. - - And let's keep it that way.
ga040501 -- You seem to be in a good mood. - Out of respect for the fact that you are wrong about everything. -
ga040502 -- Z - Z - Garfield! Breakfast! Z - - - SHOOP - Mornings should come equipped with dimmer switches.
ga040503 -- Jon! Let's hang out together! - Golly, it seems like we've already spent the whole day together! - DING DONG * That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
ga040504 -- Our neighbors are circulating a petition complaining about all the annoying things you do. - I know. I stole it. SMACK!
ga040505 -- There are claw marks on the couch. - Whoa! And I just clawed the couch! - That's one spooky coincidence, huh?
ga040506 -- Garfield, I'm not sure you can be trusted. - Why would you say that? - Oh, look. I found your wallet.
ga040507 -- You're a bad boy, Garfield! I can't help it. - Sometimes couches just cry out to be clawed. - I'm never taking you to a furniture store again. You're no fun.
ga040508 -- It would be wrong to pull Odie's tail. - ...and then kick him off the table. - What are you doing? Making a list.
ga040509 -- - - - - - - WOO-HOOO!! Catnip mouse.
ga040510 -- Maybe I'll claw Jon. - Maybe I'll go get us some ice cream. - If anybody claws Jon, they'll have me to answer to!
ga040511 -- Most of the earth's surface is covered by water. - Who cares? - How much of it is covered by lasagna?
ga040512 -- We can't do anything about the past. - But we CAN dom something about the future. Sounds like a lot of effort to me. - I like the future just the way it's going to be.
ga040513 -- - - I am not boring! Tell that to the expression on my face.
ga040514 -- What's that smell? - I have no idea. - But it does seem to be emanating from the general area of my tuna can collection.
ga040515 -- I couldn't find my hat! - Then it occured to me that I didn't have one! - So I didn't wear it! Now I remember why I didn't want to get out of bed.
ga040516 -- YAWN - I could sleep all day. - Z - Z - Z - Oh well... - If at first you don*'t succeed...
ga040517 -- You don't have many worries, do you? - Sure I do... - Like, can you pull a muscle blinking?
ga040518 -- Sometimes I like to make Odie feel special! - Odie, there's nobody as peculiar as you are. -
ga040519 -- I'm going off to work in the donut mines. Cool! - Dig up something with icing! Count on it, good buddy! - I'm dreaming aren't I?
ga040520 -- You never ask me about my day. - How was your day? - I'm a sock puppet, dummy! What do you think it was like?! It's an extra-long spin cycle for you, pal.
ga040521 -- Am I bothering you? - Am I? Am I? Huh? Am I? ...well? - Because I'm sure bothering myself.
ga040522 -- - We now return to "Garfield Mystery Theater"! - What happened to my lunch?! Some mysteries are best left unsolved.
ga040523 -- Garfield. - Garfield. - Garfield! - GARFIELD!! - GARRRRR- - FIEEEEEELD!!!!! - Lozenge?
ga040524 -- You don't have much energy. - Oookaaay... - And just how much energy do I need to accomplish this?
ga040525 -- There's a slice of pizza stuck in the ceiling. - And it appears to be loosening. - The house needs cleaning. I'm on it.
ga040526 -- Do you know what this day could use? - KICK! - thud A thud.
ga040527 -- I'm going to see the sights! - - Why are you staring at a shade pull? To a cat, this is a sight.
ga040528 -- Nobody tells me what to do! - Have something to eat. - Well, this is a bit awkward.
ga040529 -- I just heard a joke. - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! - Sometimes it's best to just get those things over with.
ga040530 -- Sigh... - Garfield, I'm depressed. What a absolute shock. - I haven't had a date in months. Time sure flies when you're not having fun. - Maybe I should give Kimmy a call. Wasn't she the one who was raised by wolves? - She was raised by
ga040530 -- wolves, wasn't she? I can still hear her baying at the moon. - - Hello, Kimmy? It's Jon Arbuckle! Ask her if she's had her shots.
ga040531 -- Some days I just can't get started. - I know what you mean... - 1994 was like that for me.
ga040601 -- - Woo woo woo! - Personally, I don't think it's any more than a two-woo day.
ga040602 -- Sigh... - I have nothing to celebrate. - For the 100th day in a row!
ga040603 -- This day needs improving. - I have to admit, that's not bad.
ga040604 -- Who knows...maybe someday I'll visit another planet. - Give it up, Jon. - You won't be able to get a date there either.
ga040605 -- Time to see if my teeth are still sharp enough. - Aaaah! My leg! - See you again for my six-month checkup.
ga040606 -- - - - - HARF HARF HARF HAAAACK - HARRRRF PTOOEY PTOOEY PTOOEY - More coffee, boys? Sure! 'bout time!
ga040607 --  No more of this "getting older" stuff! From now on I'll... DONK - I'll... - Ow!
ga040608 -- Soon I'll be 26 years old. - I hate aging. - Unfortunately, aging is madly in love with me.
ga040609 -- What would you like for your birthday, Garfield? - A featherless canary. - It wouldn't tickle going down.
ga040610 -- Nermal, you're the nicest cat I know. - May I have a word with you, Nermal? - Nobody's nicer than *I* am, if you know what's good for you.
ga040611 -- They say the older you get, the wiser you get. - You must be very, very wise. - Very, very, very, very, VERY wise! I wonder if anyone will miss him?
ga040612 -- People love me...know why? - Because I'm cute, that's why! And you........ - Well, you're deteriorating. I wonder how high "cute" bounces?
ga040613 -- Sigh. - Birthday brings you lots of things... - Gray hair... - Bad eyesight...creaky joints... - Ear hair, aches, pains, bad teeth... - Sigh... - and cake!
ga040614 -- This year I feel younger than ever! - No little birthday is going to get ME down, no sir... - Is it my imagination, or is this strip getting longer?
ga040615 -- So what, you're going to be 26... - Time marches on! - Come back!
ga040616 -- I'm not getting older, I'm getting better. - Every day in every way. - And I'm gonna grow wings and I'm gonna fly, too.
ga040617 -- Age is a state of mind. - - With a healthy dose of denial.
ga040618 -- I'm not showing my age. - - Not for you or for anyone else.
ga040619 -- Sigh...26...another birthday...another year...another... - Another... - What was I just thinking about?
ga040620 -- - Jon! Jon! - - Man, this is embarrassing. - I completely forgot what I was going to say! - - Now I remember! Your car is on fire.
ga040621 -- I HATE mondays. - HEY, GARFIELD! IT'S MONDAAAY!! - And people who love that I hate mondays.
ga040622 -- Sigh... - One of the sad realities of life... - The laundry always cools off.
ga040623 -- Bewar eOf - "Beware Of..." - Ah... "Mime Dog".
ga040624 -- Z - SUPPERTIME! - You fell asleep hanging on the screen door again, didn't you? How'd ya guess?
ga040625 -- OTHER animals play. OTHER animals frolic. - We need to make some changes around here! You're right! - But how do we change all those other animals?
ga040626 -- I rented a video. Garfield. - It has everything! Action, adventure... - And a great sound track! "The Polka Ninjas".
ga040627 -- Sigh... - I love grass... - It's cool in the morning... - Warm in the afternoon... - And cool again in the evening. - Mmmmm... - Kinda like an electric blanket, only in reverse.
ga040628 -- I've had a really great day today! - How about you? - Oh, Garfield. Yeah. Ask him how his day has been.
ga040629 -- I'm going to get you! Help! Help! - I'm not buying it, guys. - I told you we should be facing the same way. Okay, already!
ga040630 -- - - And THAT'S what chasing mice should look like! I notice you didn't catch him.
ga040701 -- Go on. - Mice rule! - Ha! Ha! Ha! I lost a bet.
ga040702 -- I declare this house mouse free! - - Whoa! Cheese has legs!
ga040703 -- Do you mind?! - Sorry. - Uh, Garfield? He's taking a shower.
ga040704 -- * - dig dig - - - dig dig dig - dig dig dig dig dig dig - ODIE!!! Well, I guess not even Odie is perfect.
ga040705 -- It's monday... - The screws on that chandelier need... - Tightening.
ga040706 -- Save me! It's a giant meatball from outer space! - Never fear! The meatballinator is here! - I hate waking up.
ga040707 -- What's your problem? - My problem? - I only get to have one?
ga040708 -- Why don't birds like me? - Because eat them, you idiot! - I can live with that.
ga040709 -- Ice cubes down your pants! - YAAAHHH! HA! HA! HA! HA! - Now my soda is warm.
ga040710 -- I want you to do nothing all day. - - Is this some kind of trick?
ga040711 -- - - - This window is filthy. - I can't see a thing. - - I knew that.
ga040712 -- It's a beautiful day at the stadium... - For the world drinking-out-of-the-toilet championship! - lap lap lap lap Never let a dog pick what you watch.
ga040713 -- Here we see a typical dog chasing a squirrel. - And now the dog has cornered the squirrel. - Here we see the dog trying to remove a pine cone from up his nose. Disgraceful.
ga040714 -- Today in the news, a giant meteor struck earth, destroying all life. - What? ...what's that? - Oops, I guess that didn't happen. You gotta check those sources, bucko.
ga040715 -- The Bolivioan tree frog lives in... CLICK Boring. - This is the police! We have you surrounded! Ah. - Put down the Bolivian tree frog! Okaaay...
ga040716 -- I believe that television viewers are smarter than people who read books. - Why is that? - You can't change a book with a remote, now can you? Good point.
ga040717 -- click click - I have this down to a science... click click - I avoid the shows, and only see the commercials! click click
ga040718 -- Sigh... - I'm down. - Distressed, depressed, and down in the dumps. - - snatch GULP - - Never underestimate the power of positive donuts!
ga040719 -- I have the urge to exercise. - - Whew! Thank goodness it passed.
ga040720 -- Stop bothering me! - - Okay, you can bother me a little, but only if food is involved.
ga040721 -- DARN IT, GARFIELD! WHEN I SPEAK, PAY ATTENTION! - - That's quite enough. Are you done? May I quit now?
ga040722 -- - Cats always know when it's time for dinner. We mount miniature closed-circuit video cameras in the bottoms of our food dishes.
ga040723 -- Ah! The kitchen; where the food is! - - Ah! The kitchen; where the food used to be!
ga040724 -- Garfield. Yes? - Don't tease Odie! What? - Where would he het an idea like that?
ga040725 -- - Oh, no! I'm losing my hair! - My dad's bald. Doc Boy does a comb.over! - NOW I'LL NEVER GET A WOMAN! - YAAAAH! - Today, a bald spot... - Tomorrow, a mohawk!
ga040726 -- Allow me to introduce a close, dear, and personal friend... - ...this pork chop. - Get back here! - Who was that guy?
ga040727 -- - - Interception!
ga040728 -- I'd like to have something different for dinner. - - LIKE AN OPPORTUNITY TO EAT MY OWN FOOD! What? Is it your birthday or something?
ga040729 -- - BURP - That was unnecessary. You wouldn't say that if you'd just eaten three lunches.
ga040730 -- Mmm... - GULP - Ah, that should hold me until I'm able to move again.
ga040731 -- Do you ever get cravings for certain foods? - Boy, I do. - Right now, I could really go for something edible.
ga040801 -- - Here I am! - The center of the universe! - Bask in the wonder that is me! - But don't overdo it. - Try to keep from getting overexcited and hyperventilating. - Will you be leaving soon? Oh, very well. bask away!
ga040802 -- Jon says I should "seize the day!" - There's only one problem... - I can't reach it from here.
ga040803 -- I'm saving money by cutting my own hair! - - You must be saving millions!
ga040804 -- I am a man of dignity. - Oh, sure. - Since I hid his wax lips.
ga040805 -- I put on running shoes... - Jogging shorts, and a sweat band. - That's enough exercise for today.
ga040806 -- HAH-LOOOOOOOO ELL-ENNNNN - *click* - Dang, she saw right through my suave accent. *I* thought you were yodeling.
ga040807 -- YAAAAHHHH! Z - YA- SLAP - Thanks. Recurring porcupine petting zoo nightmare.
ga040808 -- - You know, if *I* were you... - Sleeping all day...eating like a pig... - Being waited on hand and foot... - Not listeing to a thing I say... - - Wow...I wish I WERE you. Take a number.
ga040809 -- - - Bad web day. Do tell.
ga040810 -- Swat me quick. I'm in a hurry. - SWAT! - How's that? Thank you. That frees up the rest of my day.
ga040811 -- - TWANG! THUD! - Diet time. You should talk!
ga040812 -- Is this where the spider convention is being held? Yup. - SMACK! -
ga040813 -- Hi there! - Go away! - Let's play! I can't win.
ga040814 -- - - I was bored. Reeeally bored.
ga040815 -- - * RING - Hello?... - Hello? Hello? Hello? - Is anybody there? - There's noboy there. - Well then, I guess I'LL talk. He's a lonely, lonely man.
ga040816 -- - Who wants to help me doing nothing? Not me. - I'd probably end up doing all the work.
ga040817 -- And now, to read some dog poetry, here's Odie! - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Yip! Yip... Hey! No limericks!
ga040818 -- I think I'll claw a large stranger. - OUCH! - Is that your cat? No. Am so!
ga040819 -- YAWN - I won't say that was a long nap, but... - What year is it? I know you!
ga040820 -- I'm going out in search of love! - - We will never se Jon again.
ga040821 -- - STOP STARING AT ME! - It's good that we have these little discussions.
ga040822 -- - Sigh... - You never pay any attention to me... - So I'M not speaking to YOU anymore! - - - Did you HEAR me?!!
ga040823 -- You're late! - BAT - -and your follow-through need work! Nag, nag, nag.
ga040824 -- BAT - - "Hello from the door...wish you were here".
ga040825 -- Hey, Garfield. Yo, Yarn. What's up? - Not much. Just hanging with my cousin... - He's a spool of thread. There is a family resemblance.
ga040826 -- bink bink bink - bink bink - Where have you... bink bink In the hot tub, OKAY?!
ga040827 -- - - You know, even balls of yarn need conditioner after shampooing. I know! I know!
ga040828 -- ? - sniff sniff sniff - ? Dogs don't understand balls of yarn.
ga040829 -- - YAWN - Z - - Z - Z - The good spots are always taken. Z
ga040830 -- Sleep in, or eat? ...sleep in, or eat? - - Sleep in it is.
ga040831 -- - - Tooooooooo late.
ga040901 -- An ode to dinner... - BURRRRP!!! - Based on an actual experience.
ga040902 -- Whew! ...it sure is hot. - It's not so much the heat, it's the humidity. - He had that coming.
ga040903 -- I've gotta find a way to cool off. - - Are those frozen peas?! They're a ll the rage this season.
ga040904 -- I've discovered a new way to beat the summer heat. - - TURN UP THE AIR CONDITIONING! WHOP!
ga040905 -- - - - - - SCHTONK - Water? If you please.
ga040906 -- - Z Cat At Work GO - The flag mouse was actually a nice touch.
ga040907 -- Good work, Garfield! Be ever vigilant! - HEY! HEY! HEY! - Don't turn the page yet! If you're going to read over my shoulder, read faster!
ga040908 -- - - Wouldn't you have a better chance of catching the mouse if you actually chased him? I'm counting on his pulling up lame.
ga040909 -- Eek! A mouse! - - Come on. It's his birthday.
ga040910 -- I'm tired. - Then have a seat. - Perhaps I've been too lax on this cat-mouse thing.
ga040911 -- Garfield! Catch the mouse! I will. - But, because I'm such a great sport, I'm giving him a head start. - About a two-week head start.
ga040912 -- BONK! - Who wants a hug? - Somebody? - Anybody? - Nobody? - -
ga040913 -- Time to explore the outer reaches of my universe. - -
ga040914 -- GRRR Odie has something cornered. - GRRR - GRRR It's the corner.
ga040915 -- There's surely something on worth watching. click click click -  click click click click click - It's the All-Lasagna Channel! The mother lode!
ga040916 -- * - - *
ga040917 -- It was so strange...my date possessed the ability to become invisible! - Uh, Jon... One minute she was there and, the next minute... - She ditched you. Poof.
ga040918 -- I wonder if they'll make a movie about my life someday. - Absolutely! - But more like a sock puppet show.
ga040919 -- - Hmmm... - Maybe Jon's right. - ...I SHOULD get outdoors more often. - - -
ga040920 -- Nap time. - THUD - You'r epathetic. Z
ga040921 -- Ahhhhhhh - The nap... - Bedtime's appetizer.
ga040922 -- - - Bunk beds.
ga040923 -- Z - - Naps are always more fun when they're snuck.
ga040924 -- Z - Z click - Z
ga040925 -- What if I were to just lie here forever... - And never get up again? - What are you doing? Thinking happy thoughts.
ga040926 -- Hmm... - Dinner, breakfast, and lunch... - Breakfast, dinner, and lunch... - Lunch, dinner, and breakfast?...
ga040926 -- Breakfast, lunch, and dinner! - If it ain't broke, don't fix it!
ga040927 -- BURP - - GASP!!!
ga040928 -- - Have a coupon for a free cheeseburger! Okay! - Hey! This has expired!
ga040929 -- Look, Garfield! - Scary, huh? Scary? You'r ejust wearing a grocery sack! - I'm an empty grocery sack! EMPTY?!
ga040930 -- I've been lying here for 83 hours and 17 minutes without moving a muscle. - YES! Only 10 seconds away from my personal bes... - Nuts.
ga041001 -- Ellen, when you say hurtful things to me, I just want to curl up and wither away. - - She's saying hurtful things. So wither already.
ga041002 -- Today is a teense less boring than yesterday. - - Party on.
ga041003 -- O-kay... - Time to get up. - - Yup. Gotta get up right now... - - Yessir-reedy-deedy-do---up and at 'em... - What are you doing? Fooling myself.
ga041004 -- Garfield! Did you eat all three of those cakes I baked?! - Nope. - Two and a half.
ga041005 -- Garfield... - You've been eating in bed again, haven't you? - So, Sherlock, what tipped you off?
ga041006 -- * RIIIING! Hello? - No, no...it's all right. - That was the Titanic. They spotted an orange iceberg. I wonder if YOU float?
ga041007 -- I now do weight and fortunes. You're on. - You're fat. ...and my fortune? - I predict you're going to stomp me flat. You're good.
ga041008 -- If you continue to gain weight at your current rate... - In 17 years, you'll blot out the sun! - Where are you going? To get a donut and a flashlight.
ga041009 -- Low-fat cat food. - - DO I LOOK LIKE A LOW-FAT CAT?!
ga041010 -- - Have a salad...have A salad... - HAVE a salad... - Have a SALAD... - Ahem... - Havea SALAD. - There's just no right way to say that to him.
ga041011 -- If you close your eyes, you can pretend this lettuce is chocolate cake. - - If you close YOUR eyes, I can have REAL chocolare cake!
ga041012 -- Hey, Jon, check out my new diet! - munch munch GULP - Did you notice I chewed before I swallowed?
ga041013 -- How's the diet going? Hey! - Somebody out there's eating! - I withdraw the question. BACON!
ga041014 -- How's the diet going? Great! - I've cut out snacks. - I did, however, have eleven lunches.
ga041015 -- I've eaten all the donuts... - Now they can't tempt me to cheat on my diet. - Flawless logic, if ever I've heard it!
ga041016 -- Are you having a good time? - BECAUSE I'M NOT! SPLOT - Wait. That was kind of fun.
ga041017 -- GARFIELD BURP - - Hi! Whoa. - Say, aren't you the invisible man? - No, I'm not. - He's shorter than I am. - He's only about this tall. Oh, yeah. - But don't feel bad. A lot of people confuse us. I think I'll wake up now.
ga041018 -- Why are acts so mysterious? - Allow me to explain by way of an interpretive dance. -
ga041019 -- Why is a dog's nose so cold? - Let's find out. - Ah-ha... *
ga041020 -- - GOING - WHERE did you get the gong? Spanky's house of all things dinner.
ga041021 -- Cats are very clean animals. - They even clean themselves with their tongues. - But not you! We're out of conditioner.
ga041022 -- Garfield, I think that girl down the counter is looking at me! No she isn't. - I think she wants to meet me! No she doesn't! - I may have been mistaken. Yes, you were.
ga041023 -- I'm so bored I can't believe it. - Not me. - I can believe it.
ga041024 -- - I can sleep anywhere. - Z - Z - See? - Whoops. - Z
ga041025 -- WOW! - LOOK AT THAT BUG, FAT, ORANGE- - Pumpkin.
ga041026 -- - Hmmm, just like Odie... - The light's on, but nobody's home.
ga041027 -- ...that monster could be ANYwhere! - ...he could even be right behind- Hi, guys... Cue the bloodcurdling screams.
ga041028 -- Larry, don't! ...don't go in there! - I must go in there, Margaret! Brave, Larry. - AAAAGGGHHH! Brave, stupid, Larry.
ga041029 -- Tonight we're speaking with a big, fat, creepy monster. Glad to be here. - So, where do you live? Under your bed. - Uhhhh... And aren't you a little old to be wearing bunny slippers? Sweet dreams.
ga041030 -- We're speaking today with an actual vampire. - Good morning, sir. Thank yo-...morning= - MORNING?!! They just might want to draw those blinds.
ga041031 -- - Boo! Pardon? - Boo. I'm a ghost. You don't say. - Oh, yes. I'm quite frightening. No, you're not. - I'm not? Not even close. - Are you sure? I find you yery pleasant. - I wish I were dead. I'm not sure how to break this to you, pal.
ga041101 -- Ambition! Drive, fortitude, gumption, determination... - I've always wanted to say those words.
ga041102 -- Time to take a break, Odie. - - Our breaks are so long, our breaks need breaks.
ga041103 -- Ah...AH... - CHOO! - So, would you like some toast? Not in this lifetime.
ga041104 -- Sometimes I sleep so much I can't tell if it's day or night. - Sometimes I eat so much I can't tell if I'm hungry or full. - Ignorance is bliss.
ga041105 -- Oh, Ellen... - My love for you is like an endless void... - Wait! Wrong smile! That's the one about your head.
ga041106 -- - Sack time. - Z
ga041107 -- Beware of Dog GRRRR - Just look at this... - Why do dogs always need "beware" signs? - We cats don't NEED "beware" signs...people just KNOW... WOW...you're right. - - - I WANNA SIGN! SMACK! poo!
ga041108 -- There are things in life we just have to admit we can't control. - - Like you. Yeah, I'm a real force of nature.
ga041109 -- Hey, I know I'm fat...so what? - I'm fat, and I'm BEAUTIFUL! - Narcissism...use it or lose it
ga041110 -- Say, good lookin'. - You look fabulous! - Hey, mirrors need love, too.
ga041111 -- Oh, geez. - I need a haircut bad. - Try shedding, it's cheaper!
ga041112 -- I thought I was going to seize the day... - But the day seized me instead. Poor Jon. - Life's a salad bar, and he just keeps smacking his forehead on the sneeze guard.
ga041113 -- - - So, how was YOUR day? Better then yours.
ga041114 -- - Brrrr! - - - Mmmmmmmm - MMMMMMMMM -
ga041115 -- Operators are standing by to take your order! - - I won't be ordering anything...you may take the rest of the night off. Hello? Hello?
ga041116 -- And now, back to our nature special... - Sharks who love toes. -
ga041117 -- We have a great show! - And we know you'll enjoy it! - Nobody tells me wht to do. CLICK
ga041118 -- Welcome back to "Telepathic Jokes"! - - Already heard it. CLICK
ga041119 -- I love hosting this show. - -Absolutely love it! - It means I don't have to WATCH it. I wish *I* hosted it.
ga041120 -- Oh, Lance, the bomb is about to go off! - Don't worry, Marion. Here comes Super Dog to save us! - Bark! Bark! Bark! Where is he going?! Spotted a squirrel.
ga041121 -- - SLAM! - Look at what I bought at the store, Garfield... - A 20-pound turkey! - We can roast it, and eat it, and then use the leftovers for sandwiches! - - Why did I say "leftovers"? What are leftovers?
ga041122 -- Garfield, are you happy? - - No food, no happy.
ga041123 -- Come on out! No! - Come and get me, bozo! - Dinner, Garfield? No thanks. I just ate a small house.
ga041124 -- - - That was a nutritious meal! Yeah, I didn't like it either.
ga041125 -- - - Garfield! Dinner! - Disappointed? Kinda.
ga041126 -- There you are! - I love lasagna! - But alas, it was only a fling.
ga041127 -- Garfield, Garfield, Garfield. - Just look at you... - He's right...I DO look hungry.
ga041128 -- GROAN Z - EEEYRRRGH! - GROWWWL! - HUFF HUFF HUFF - AAARRRGGH! - pant pant pant The dryer shrunk my pants! - It's always the dryer. It's never digging out at the family reunion.
ga041129 -- Christmas is coming, and you know what that means... - - That's EXACTLY what that means.
ga041130 -- Hey, you! - Christmas is coming...get with the program! - That's more like it.
ga041201 -- Calendars...they hurry all year long. - -until december... - Then they MOSEY!
ga041202 -- You know,they say Christmas cookie calories don't count. - I believe that. - Now, to convince my belly.
ga041203 -- Santa Claus knows if you're good or bad. - That's cool. - But does he know I'm dangerous?
ga041204 -- sniff sniff - It smells like Christmas! - It must be that time of year... Hint hint
ga041205 -- - - - - pat pat pat - ? - Santa's watching.
ga041206 -- Hey! Nice hat! - That's the ol' Christmas spirit! - He must have been talking about my Christmas cookie storage device.
ga041207 -- I love this time of year. - Cookies...presents...cookies...family...cookies... - More cookies... WHO ate all the cookies?!
ga041208 -- All right, I'll take you to see Santa IF you promise to behave. - - We're not going. C'mon! That was my best fake sincere smile!
ga041209 -- Dear Santa, - I have been very good all year... And... - Boy...fiction is hard.
ga041210 -- So, Garfield, is Santa going to bring you lots of presents this year? - He'd better! - We have a contract and I have a good lawyer.
ga041211 -- We return now to "The Littlest Elf". - -
ga041212 -- * - We now return to "Lorenzo, the Snail Who Saved Christmas". - Oh, woe are we! How will we get these toys to all the kids?! - I'LL do it! Lorenzo the Snail! - Yes, 'tis I, Lorenzo the Snail, here to deliver toys to all the kids! Our hero! -
ga041212 -- So, what's the program? How long do I have to deliver all this stuff? One night. - ONE WHAT?! Looks like Lorenzo the Snail has overcommitted himself.
ga041213 -- Hey, a Christmas card. - "Wishing you the very best  of this holiday season...! - -"and stop calling me and asking me out, you dork. Ellen" Warm, sincere, and it gets the job done.
ga041214 -- Look, Garfield, another Christmas card! - I wonder if it's from Doc Boy? - Does the postmark have a cow on it? - The Postmark has a cow on it.
ga041215 -- We now return to "Harold FEnsternick..." - "-the regular guy who saved Christmas". - Gee, guess I oughta open the flue... Nice save, Harold.
ga041216 -- A box! - No, wait! Not at THIS time of year...it's not a box... - IT'S A NAKED CHRISTMAS PRESENT!
ga041217 -- I'm wrapping Christmas presents now... - SO DON'T come in here! - -and NO video surveillance cameras! Too late.
ga041218 -- We now return to "Steward, the Cristmas Leech". - Gather 'round, elves! Ho! Ho! H-...huh? - GAAHHH! GET IT OFF ME!! GET IT OFF!!! Wow. Stew's thirsty.
ga041219 -- Ah! - Food! - Bed! - Punching bag! - Confidant! - Soft touch! - Honestly, what DO you get the cat who has everything?
ga041220 -- Hey, cat. Hey, spider. - I have a gift for you...lower away, guys! - Have a lick. Over my dead tongue.
ga041221 -- The Christmas tree seems to be missing something... - Got it! - It needs more presents.
ga041222 -- - Garfield, go back to bed. I can't. - Who gives presents to Santa?
ga041223 -- Christmas is only two days away! - 172,800 seconds! - You look preoccupied. 172,797 seconds...
ga041224 -- Christmas eve... - - Sleep is not an option.
ga041225 -- It's Christmas again, old friend... - Time for us to exchange our annual Christmas gift... -
ga041226 -- Sigh... - The presents have all been unwrapped... - The carols have all been sung... - The food has all been eaten... - The hugs have all been given... - It was all so great. - Same time next year?
ga041227 -- That was a great Christmas, wasn't it? Yeah... - Remember that nut log grandma sent us? Oh, yeah... - You SHOULD...you ate the whole thing. I'll be digesting that baby till the spring thaw.
ga041228 -- Hello, Lisa? It's Jon Arbuckle... - -and there just happens to be a huge hole in my social calendar for new year's eve. - She told me to take my calendar and spackle it. How diplomatic.
ga041229 -- Denise, it's Jon... - Hey, howzabout just the two of us going out on new year's eve? - Guess it'll just be the one of us. Are you sure YOU want to go out with you?
ga041230 -- Ellen, will you go out with me on new year's eve? - What's that sound? ...soda, you say? - Out your nose, you say? So far, and yet so far.
ga041231 -- New year's eve... - And he's all dressed up with no place to go. - What a perfectly good waste of a perfectly bad suit.
ga050101 -- * HONNNK!!! - You do that to me every year! But what better way to start the year. - -than with a cruel laugh at your expense?
ga050102 -- - Garfield... - ...i love you. - I love you, too. pat pat pat - But do you respect me? - - I love you, too. pat pat pat
ga050103 -- Well, the holidays are officially over. - Time to get back to my old routine... - What are YOU doing? My old routine.
ga050104 -- I think I'll lie here all day. - I can't think of anything to do today. - Bum.
ga050105 -- Garfield, all you do is sleep. - Sleep, and sleep, and sleep, and sleep. - Know what I call someone like that? Frisky?
ga050106 -- Time for a nice nap... - Th eice-cream truck is coming up the street! - - Looks like we've got ourselves in a real dilemma here...
ga050107 -- You are the laziest creature on earth. - YES! - I'd celebrate, but that might cost me my ranking.
ga050108 -- Imagine what your life would be like if you had wings. - Grim... - I'd have to sleep on my stomach.
ga050109 -- - You mice have it nice. - A little cheese and you're happy. You got that right. - Not so with cats. - We need more out of life. More? - Like naps. But that's less! - With cats, less IS more.
ga050110 -- Z - Huh? What happened? - You're awake. Oh, so that's what this is.
ga050111 -- SOMEone clawed the couch. - *I* have claws! - Ooh! Ooh! Blame me! Blame me!
ga050112 -- I can't figure this riddle out. - And they printed the answer upside down! - Oh, great! The answer's right side up, but now the eiddle's upside down! That's my exit cue.
ga050113 -- - - Dogs put way too much effort into doing nothing.
ga050114 -- Ellen, words cannot describe my feelings for you... - -so let me express them with music instead. - Anna-one, anna-two... Anna bye-bye, Ellen.
ga050115 -- I thought we were going to have fun today. Hmmm... - REMEMBER that nap we took? - Maybe it happened again.
ga050116 -- Ungh. - Unnnggghhh. - ERRRRRGGGHHHH - HUP!-AAAARRRGGGHH - POP! - HA! It's OFF! - * LALALALALALALA * The "pickle jar lid victory dance".
ga050117 -- Jon, wake up! - I have news! - click I'm shedding!
ga050118 -- Behind you is an awful lot of cat hair. - - Stop following me!
ga050119 -- May I have a word with you? - I believe this cat hair is yours. - Not anymore.
ga050120 -- It's like Jon always says, you can't have too much cat hair in the house. - - Well he doesn't ALWAYS say it.
ga050121 -- - - GARFIELD! Like I can stop shedding on command!
ga050122 -- I'm going to rake the living room. - - I was shedding in the kitchen, too!
ga050123 -- - You're a good friend, Odie. - And do you know why? - Because even after all I've done to you over the years... - You must turn the other cheek and take it in stride. - Kick Me
ga050124 -- I'm bored. - OW! - You kicked me! And now you're not bored!
ga050125 -- Today I got my head stuck in a wastebasket. Uh-huh. - The I got the wastebasket stuck in a trash can. Okay... - Then I got the trash can stuck in a dumpster. Let's skip to the landfill, shall we?
ga050126 -- Garfield? Yes? - You glued my elbows to the table again, didn't you? Yup. - And my cup, too! Now, try to take your hand off your face.
ga050127 -- - SLAP - Tag team begging.
ga050128 -- I never get invited to parties. - - I blame you. Everyone else THANKS me.
ga050129 -- - WHIRRRRR - Had a little trouble with the can opener. You're pathetic.
ga050130 -- click - My next guest is a ghost. - Welcome to the show. Glad to be here. - So, what's new with you? Not much, really. I'm dead, you know. - And what's that like? It's kind of fun... I can float throuch walls, and... - BOO! YAAAH! - -do that.
ga050130 -- There went a perfectly good hairdo.
ga050131 -- Let's talk coincidence. - Is it any coincidence that a canary fits perfectly on a hot dog bun? - I think not. Come back here!
ga050201 -- Hey! You're the cat who ate my brother! - - You're the cat who ate my two brothers! I love this family!
ga050202 -- COUGH! HACK! COUGH! - HACK - Whoa! Did you eve rhave a canary go down the wrong pipe? You're disgusting.
ga050203 -- - - This decoy isn't working.
ga050204 -- - - You must think birds aren't very observant. On average, two out of three of them aren't.
ga050205 -- I am a songbird. - I bring joy to all who hear me. - And to some who don't.
ga050206 -- - pack pack pack - roll roll - roll roll roll - roll roll roll - roll roll roll roll - Uh... Break out the paper cones and the strawberry syrup!
ga050207 -- Bring me food! - You ate all the food. - Bring me a mint!
ga050208 -- sniff sniff sniff Odir is on the trail of somethin. - THUD - The wall.
ga050209 -- Hello, Luigi's? I'd like to order a smal- - llLARGE - Pizza to go. A leg hair.
ga050210 -- *snap* *snap* - Yes? - Scratch my nose.
ga050211 -- Mary only dates compassionate guys. - I have to do something kind... - I could give someone a pedicure! Step away from the cat.
ga050212 -- - Rain. - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - Stop banging your head against the wall!
ga050213 -- - tappity tappity tappity tappity - tappity tappity tappity tappity - tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - tappity ta-pit-tap tad... ta-p... ta...
ga050213 -- t... - C'mon, people...where's the love?! - KONK
ga050214 -- I hope you don't mind me saying... - But I think you're swell. - Aw, shucks. Now what?
ga050215 -- - - I love ya, buddy! Me, I'm just being a phony!
ga050216 -- Nobody is nicer than I am! - Oh, once there was someone... - ...but I took care of thet.
ga050217 -- I'm better than you! - - Huzzah.
ga050218 -- You're awfully impressed with yourself, aren't you? - - Yes, we are.
ga050219 -- - I'm staring yt you! - Who can blame you?
ga050220 -- * - - Out of my way, bozo. - I said step aside, Clyde! - Very well, I'll just stand here until you move. - - Garfield! It's been days! Where have you been? Waiting for a guy to melt.
ga050221 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff - Ahhhh...the smell of burning goats. - Jon's turned the furnace on.
ga050222 -- - OKAY, GUYS, THE COAST IS CLEAR! - Advance scout.
ga050223 -- I love winter. - FWUMP - -about this much.
ga050224 -- Look, Jon! I built a snowcat! - What's that? Well, what do you know! - I believe he hacked up a snowball.
ga050225 -- The forecast calls for a really bad blizzard today. - - Great. Now I'll be stuck here till the snowplows come.
ga050226 -- Someday it will warm up. - And you will melt into a puddle of water. - Nevertheless, I wouldn't mind a sweater today.
ga050227 -- - High five. - SLAP - OIOIOING! - - -
ga050228 -- Oooh! You must be the cat with the rolled-up newspaper! - SMACK - I thought he was one of those urban legends.
ga050301 -- - - Z Hammock.
ga050302 -- - - I hate humidity. No kidding.
ga050303 -- - - Is that a chain? I've put on a little weight, okay?
ga050304 -- All hail! I am king of the spiders! - SMACK! - I might have been more impressed if I were a spider as well. Good point.
ga050305 -- Wouldn't you like to be like your old man when you grow up, son? - SMACK! - Gee, I wonder what mom's up to?
ga050306 -- - I've gained weight. - Now I've lost it... - Now I've gained it again! - And I lost it again! - NOW IT'S BACK!!! - YAAAAHHH! That's for not changing my batteries, lardo!
ga050307 -- You think I'm pretty stupid, don't you? - - Why are you looking at me like that? This is the stare of agreement.
ga050308 -- GOTTA DANCE! - WAAHHH CRASH - I guess that sounds better than "Gotta fall down".
ga050309 -- - - Bad ear day.
ga050310 -- tap tap tap tap - YAAAHHH! I CAN'T STAND THE BOREDOM! - It seems fond of you!
ga050311 -- Hello. - YAAAAHHH! - All I said was, "Hello". YAAAAHHH!
ga050312 -- - You have tuna on your breath. - Oh, yeah. GULP
ga050313 -- boink boink - boink boink - boink - boink - bonk - SPLAT! - Heh heh heh
ga050314 -- Snails are slow. You - take - that back.
ga050315 -- Do you snails ever leave your shells? For only two reasons... - And what are they? - Fire drills and skinny.dipping.
ga050316 -- I guess I'll park it here for tonight. - Would you mind hooking me up? Not at all. - Air conditioning.
ga050317 -- It's been nice visiting with you, Mr. Snail, but I have to leave. Me too. - - Say, you're faster than you look. Back at you.
ga050318 -- Boy, snails have it good. - They can retreat into their shells, shut out the world, and sleep away. - I should be so lucky.
ga050319 -- - ! - NAP AHOY!
ga050320 -- - Oh, no! - My sock puppet has turned into a bloodthirsty zombie! - He attacks an unsuspecting victim! - What are you doing, Garfield? And sucks his life forces rigth out through his skull! Sigh Oh! This is so horrible I can't watch! - I'm
ga050320 -- going to throw this thing into the washer. It's evil! Use bleach!
ga050321 -- Hey! Where did my lunch go?! - BURP - Oh, yeah.
ga050322 -- Uh-oh. Lunch doesn't agree wit hbreakfast. - They're battling it out... - BURP -and lunch wins.
ga050323 -- I finished gnawing the furniture. Now I'm off to eat some cheese and then to chew on socks. - Garfield... I'm on it, Jon. - Pace yourself!
ga050324 -- Bark What? - BARK What? - BARK! Well there's no need to yell.
ga050325 -- Ellen, if you hand up on me, you'll break my heart. - CLICK - Nowww we wait for the guilt to set in. And wait...and wait...and wait...
ga050326 -- - I always find it amazing how cats can stare out into space for hours on end. - Z
ga050327 -- - A lone donut! - - - - Aren't you going to eat that? Not yet. - I'm waiting for the rest of the herd to return.
ga050328 -- Nothing makes sense anymore! - My world is spinning out of control! - Here. Salvation!
ga050329 -- That's breakfast, lunch, and dinner... - Oh...and a couple of snacks! - Now all I have to do is chew! You're disgusting.
ga050330 -- The mighty hunter stalks his prey. - He circles and closes in upwind... - He singles out the weakest taco...
ga050331 -- You can't always get what you want. - - I can, but you can't.
ga050401 -- It's here! - BURP - You somehow manage to eat the pizza before it arrived. I have friends high up in the delivery business.
ga050402 -- Cat treat! - - What this place lacks in ambience, it makes up for in service.
ga050403 -- Hey, pal. Hey. - You know, Garfield, I once considered becoming an actor. Do tell. - Possibly reciting Shakespeare on stage. Whoa. - Or maybe a leading man in the movies. Really? - I might have had mobs of screaming fans. You know it! - Even
ga050403 -- my own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I like the sound of this. - Yes, it's video and pizza night! You GO, guy!
ga050404 -- Listen to this old superstition, Garfield... - "If a cat sneezes near a bride, it means she will have good luck in her life". - Sure, like that's going to happen i nTHIS house... What.
ga050405 -- "A strange dog following you is good luck". - "A howling dog is a sign of bad luck". - AAARRROOOO Ar, ar, ar...
ga050406 --"If a cat sneezes, it is a sign of rain". - 'choo. - Cool.
ga050407 -- "To cure illness in a family..." - "Wash the patient, and throw the water on the cat". - KAFF KAFF sniff sniff I get no respect around here.
ga050408 -- "So the princess kissed the dog..." - "and he turned into a handsome prince." - I love this story. It gives him hope.
ga050409 -- Here's an interesting factoid, Garfield. - Certain kinds of birds can't fly. - If you squeak up quiet enough, none of them can.
ga050410 -- grumble grumble - Snackie time. - Let's see...applesauce? ...polish sausage? ...cheese ball? - Corn dog? Yogurt? Cold pizza? Pickle chips? - Beef log? Pork chop? Green grapes? Pig's knuckles? Spanish olives? Walleyed pike? Headcheese? Pot
ga050410 -- pie? Bean burrito? - Aw, what the heck... - I'll just go with the buffet. Uh, Garfield...
ga050411 -- Wake up, Garfield! It's 4 A.M.! - I have a great idea! - Let's watch the sunrise! Okay, you can watch it from the ambulance.
ga050412 -- - push CRASH! - Why do you do that? I didn't see YOU volunteering.
ga050413 -- My life is missing something. - That's it! - Lunch!
ga050414 -- You know... - You don't take naps... - Naps take you.
ga050415 -- Hi, Ellen, it's Jon. - Do I feel what? ...in my back? ...my leg? ...my head? - Ellen, voodoo dolls don't really work. Ouch!
ga050416 -- Jon appears deep in thought. - Pie is good. - Wow, deeper than I thought!
ga050417 -- Operators standing by! - Yes, you too can be more popular with women if you use Babe Magnet Body Lotion! - Side effects may include excessive body hair... - itchy elbows, note twitching... - foot tapping, leg slapping...and fluttering
ga050417 -- eyelids. - What idiot would buy that product? flutter flutter flutter slap slap slap tap tap tap
ga050418 -- I had a terrible morning... - -and you SLEPT all morning. - So then, what have we learned from this?
ga050419 -- Odie! That spot on the wall looks like a steak! - SHOOM SPLAT! - Now that spot on the wall looks like Odie.
ga050420 -- - You know what? - We needed a new toaster anyway. You're glowing.
ga050421 -- You don't scare me. I'm not supposed to. - You're supposed to scare ME. - Oops. Rookie.
ga050422 -- Ellen, how about I zip over to your place and serenade you with my accordion? - - "Restraining Order" is such an ugly word, Ellen. That's two words, dummy.
ga050423 -- - Cupcakes. - Made you smile.
ga050424 -- - Hey, everyone! We're here! - My little Jon-Jon! squeeze - Hiya, son. SMACK! - Hey, bro. POP - 'sup, sport? NOOGIE, NOOGIE NOOGIE - What more could you ask for in a family? Two aspirin and a neck brace?
ga050425 -- Cat food is disgusting to look at. - - Not that I spend a lot of time looking at it.
ga050426 -- You gotta know your limits... - For instance, I can only eat so much... - Then we run out of food.
ga050427 -- I wish I were more popular. - - Have you considered feeding me more?
ga050428 -- GOBBLE GOBBLE SNARF GULP - squik squik -
ga050429 -- - - Would you like me to fill your dish? With something other than your face, please.
ga050430 -- If you beg, I'll let you lick my ice cream cone. - The cartoonist has elected not to show this panel due to its graphic nature. - You could have asked nicely! Where's the fun in that?
ga050501 -- Sigh... - Well, Jon went up to fix the leaky roof again... - Who knows why our roof leaks... - Maybe our shingles are cracked... - Or warped... - WHUMP! - ...but I strongly suspect they're loose. Mommy...
ga050502 -- Well, well, you're finally up! - Do you realize you slept for 23 straight hours? * - And I can do without the little victory dance!!
ga050503 -- - Dogs. - Dogs can look busy even when they're doing nothing.
ga050504 -- You'd never lie to me, would you? - WAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! - Of course not.
ga050505 -- Beware Of The Dog - Grrrr - That sign was somewhat underestimated.
ga050506 -- I asked that cute librarian out again today. - And?... - She told me to be quiet and fined me. I'm sure it was long overdue.
ga050507 -- Injuries are something we athletes have to live with. - - Got a paper cut playing chess by mail.
ga050508 -- - click - I love this show. - It always has a happy ending. - - *ding See? - Cookies are done.
ga050509 -- Women... - - Where's mine?! Most likely in hiding.
ga050510 -- Bad date, Garfield. - We went to a petting zoo... - And a goat ate my pants. Nice teddy bear boxers.
ga050511 -- Bad date, Garfield. - We went to a fancy french restaurant. And I ordered her a tennis shoe souffle. Properly prepared, they're really quite tasty.
ga050512 -- Bad date, Garfield. - We went sailing. - Ever had a mizzenmast stuck up your- No, and let's talk about anything else right now.
ga050513 -- Bad date, Garfield. - We went to the fair and I ate four chili-cheese dogs. - Then we rode the screaming weevil. Hey! I'm having breakfast here!
ga050514 -- Bad date, Garfield. - She left in the middle of the meal with the valet parking guy. - In my car. Ouch.
ga050515 -- - You know, Garfield, sometimes I feel like a failure. - Maybe I could have made better decisions in my life. - Jon, you decided to have pets who love you... - So you can never be a failure. pat pat - Now, this self-pity thing isn't going to
ga050515 -- delay dinner, is it?
ga050516 -- You know... - It's not the size of the nap that counts... - -it's howmany you can squeeze into an afternoon.
ga050517 -- - - So much for home barbering. I thought I did a pretty good job.
ga050518 -- - Excuse me. Have you seen my uncle Dave? Perhaps. - What does he taste like?
ga050519 -- The simple act of sitting in a chair... - ...Odie... - Not even a whisper of a clue.
ga050520 -- I'm a lonely guy, Garfield. - Lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely... - -lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely...
ga050521 -- Here's a pet survey, Garfield. - "What is your pet's most endearing feature?" - Hmmm... I never killed anything that wasn't sick.
ga050522 -- rrrrr - grrrrr - rrrrr - phew! pant pant - - yip! yip! yip! It's the old garden-hose-comes-to-life gag.
ga050523 -- Hello? Mrs. Feeny? - He did what? - Well, that doesn't sound too bad. Ah, but the day is young.
ga050524 -- * RIIINNG - Hello, Mrs. Feeny. How are you? - She's NOT fine! I kinda figured that.
ga050525 -- That was Mrs. Feeny. - Although she was kind of hard to understand. - I think she said she wanted her dentures back. She'll have to arm wrestle my sock puppet for them.
ga050526 -- * RIIINNG - * RIIINNG - * RIIINNG I'm not going to answer that. You'd better. Mrs. Feeny's on her cell phone in the front yard.
ga050527 -- That was Mrs. Feeny. Yeeeees? - What's all this about her chihuahua and papier-mache? - Let's just say the mummy lives.
ga050528 -- SLAM! - - Never flirt with a touchy grocery checker. I notice she double-bagged you.
ga050529 -- - - STOP! - The cook lost his cell phone! - ** ** That would explain the ringing in my ears.
ga050530 -- You know... - I'd give anything to know what's going on inside that head of yours. Hmm. - 500 pounds of lasagna oughta do it. You're drooling.
ga050531 -- I'm headed out. So? - I'm going downtown. Who cares? - To get cat food. I miss you already, buddy!
ga050601 -- Sometimes I'm wondering what you're thinking, Odie. - - Obviously, that makes two of us.
ga050602 -- - Oh, well... - SO much for weed whacking. You missed a spot over thare.
ga050603 -- DING DONG * - YAAAAHHH! - THAT'S another pizza delivery guy who's never coming back! jingle jingle Sure he will. I've got his car keys.
ga050604 -- Hi, Ellen? It's Jon. - click - I wonder what's on TV tonight. Already made the popcorn and poured the sodas.
ga050605 -- - You know... - There's an old adage... - That pets are people too... - Hey, Garfield! - Check this out. - I'm Turrrkey man! And I couldn't be more insulted.
ga050606 -- Create a whole new you in just six weeks! - Call now! Operators are standing by! click Why would I want to create a whole new me? - Then I'd just have to share...
ga050607 -- This is a test... - This is only a test... - What is the capital of North Dakota? This IS a test!
ga050608 -- And now, with the overture to the opera "Carmen"... - We give you Wanda Mae Throttlebottom... - -and her amazing knee cymbals! I have got to learn to read.
ga050609 -- My first guest tonight needs no introduction. - -
ga050610 -- And now, for your listening and viewing pleasure... - -Ida Mae Stepstool and her yodeling pig! Whoa! - * Yodel-odell-odell-odell-ayy-EEE-oooooh. The pig looks better in lederhosen than Ida Mae does.
ga050611 -- Did you miss me? Yes, I did, Jon. - In fact... - I wasn't done missing you. Would you mind leaving again?
ga050612 -- - - - - - FLOP Odie can't count to three, so he just spins until he passes out. Z
ga050613 -- I don't mind birthdays. - I really don't. - It's the AGING thing that curdles my cheese.
ga050614 -- I'm going to be 27. - You'd think I'd be older and wiser by now. - You'd think.
ga050615 -- Looks like you have another birthday creeping up on you. - At my age, birthdays don't creep anymore... - They just burst through the door and march right in.
ga050616 -- 27...where do the years go? - If only I could turn back the hands of time... - And take all thos enaps all over again.
ga050617 -- I hear you're having a birthday? - What should I get an old geezer like you? - How about a coaster with legs? Very clever.
ga050618 -- Are you really turning 27 on sunday? Yes, I am. - Wow...27. - HEY...I...THINK...THAT'S...GREAT!!
ga050619 -- Sigh... - Another birthday. - This one's number 27... - And that's pretty old for a cat. - If only there were something I could do... - - You're walking backwards. It's only a theory, but it just might work.
ga050620 -- Welcome to my planet. - Feel free to give me things! - Gum massager? Edible things.
ga050621 -- Garfield. - ZIP? Yes? - Stunned him.
ga050622 -- - POP - Hey! That's MY gum!
ga050623 -- - - YAAAAH! Spider web.
ga050624 -- Ellen, I have a cold. - I thought you might like to feed me some soup. - That's not what spoons are for, Ellen. Ouch.
ga050625 -- Beware of Beware of Dog Sign - Weird. - BEWARE OF DOG
ga050626 -- - Garfield, help me choose a tie for my date tonight. - Should I go with this bunny tie that says, "I'm cuddly"... - The golfer's tie that says, "I'm athletic"... - Or the animal print that says, "I'm wild!"? - How about this one? - The
ga050626 -- clip-on that screams, "I'M A DORK!"
ga050627 -- Ladies and gentlemen, man's best friend... - Dog! - Better you than me.
ga050628 -- Fetch the stick, Odie! - CLONK! - Or let it hit you in the head...that works for me, too!
ga050629 -- I took Odie for a walk as a favor to you... - And came back without him.. - As a favor to me.
ga050630 -- It's Super Odie! - - I think the cape goes in the back, Super.
ga050701 -- In answer to your many letters... BOOT - Yes... CRASH! - Odie does do all his own stunts!
ga050702 -- I wonder how dogs remember where they bury bones? - - I suspected as much.
ga050703 -- - Wow! The world's biggest cookie! - -and the world's biggest can of sardines! - And the world's biggest loaf of garlic bread! - And the world's biggest bowl of five-alarm chili! - BURRRRP!!! - What would you like for breakfast? The world's
ga050703 -- biggest antacid.
ga050704 -- Are you EVER getting up?! - Gimme a break. - I'm sleepy, not psychic.
ga050705 -- - You're collecting dust. It's just my little way of keeping busy.
ga050706 -- Garfield, I', worried about you. - How long do you think you can go on doing nothing with your life? - He's just jealous  that I HAVE a life to do nothing with.
ga050707 -- Garfield, a fly! Don't move a muscle! - - Now THERE was a totally unnecessary sentence. Just get the fly.
ga050708 -- Eating, sleeping, sleeping, eating... - I wish *I* could be a cat! - Oh, very well. Leave a resume, and I'll get back to you later.
ga050709 -- The weekend is here... - - You can relax now. I'll try it just this once.
ga050710 -- - - Don't even think about it! Odie...you... - I've endured you abuse long enough, fat boy! poke poke - POOF Whew! It was just a bad dream. - -
ga050711 -- Garfield, I'd like your attention for a moment. You git it. - -
ga050712 -- - - Don't let ANYone ever tell you that's not fun!
ga050713 -- - What's wrong with you? - My brain is stuck in HICCUP. You are weird.
ga050714 -- You're not so tough. - YAAAH! - Like, how tough do you have to be?
ga050715 -- Jon, you should travel more. - SHOVE - THUD! He's visiting Thudland.!
ga050716 -- - STOP THAT! - Consider it put on my to-do list.
ga050717 -- - Sometimes I like to just walk around the house... - And look at all the things I've achieved... - - - - Yeees. It's nice to know you're making a difference!
ga050718 -- You don't REALLY love me! - Yes I do! Oh, NO you don't! - Um... -line? Don't you just love reality shows?
ga050719 -- Hey, how'd you like ABS like THIS? - - EAT something!!!
ga050720 -- Mulroony, I've heard there is a tribe of headshrinkers in this jungle. - Are you aware of that? - yes, sir, i am. He's gonna need a smaller pit helmet.
ga050721 -- Bob, we've only got 3 seconds before the bomb explodes! - Cut the red wire, not the green one! Bernice, there's something I've always wanted to tell you... - Yes? ...I'm color-blind. Bye-bye, Bob and Bernice.
ga050722 -- The court calls Gouda May Freegenweegenswallodribbenfraxenlaxenismabittle to the stand. - Be seated, Mrs. Freegenweegenswallodribbenfraxenlaxenismabittle. - Please state your name.
ga050723 -- I hate cats. - Hate them. - Hate, hate, hate them! I think I met that guy.
ga050724 -- click Ooh...reality TV... - Today, on "Wild and Crazy Animals with Pat Schepple"... - Cats! Why do they climb up trees? - They can't get down out of them... - So why do they keep climbing up them? - Hey, Garfield! It's dress-up-lie-a-wombat
ga050724 -- night! Ask me, Pat, I know why.
ga050725 -- You look like you're in as good a mood as I am! - Yes, I am, Jon. - Did you take the last cookie too?
ga050726 -- Well, I guess I'll go mow the lawn. - - As soon as I reassemble the mower! Wrench?
ga050727 -- Beware of the Dog - - PITY the Dog
ga050728 -- It's my birthday. - BURP! - Sorry, I didn't have time to wrap it.
ga050729 -- click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click - click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click
ga050729 -- click click click click click click -  click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click Thare's my show! Too late. Gotta go around again.
ga050730 -- What time is it? - - It's snack time!
ga050731 -- Sigh - I'm bored. What to do... What to do?... - How about a nap? - Saaay...how ABOUT a nap? - How about a NAP?!! - - Nuts. Now I'm so excited.
ga050801 -- ...and now back to our show on natural disasters... - Help! The creek's risin'! The floods-they're a-comin'! - Augglubbbbll-glub-l-glubb.
ga050802 -- Ellen, I have the perfect evening planned for us. - -do whe what? - Well, yeah, we do kind of have to be together. And poof goes another perfect evening.
ga050803 -- Ellen, I'd give ANYTHING if you'd go out with me. - Wow. - That's a lot of zeros. You could always hock your dignity.
ga050804 -- Ellen, my life is meaningless without you. IT's meaningless anyway. - - What do you mean my life is meaningless ANYway?!! Great minds think alike.
ga050805 -- What's that, Ellen? ...you think I'm boring? - Me? ...BORING?! - Well, Ellen, let me tell you a little story... Z Z
ga050806 -- Ellen, if you hang upon me, I'll never call you again! - CLICK - Oh, poor, poor Ellen... Poor, poor beside-herself-with-joy Ellen.
ga050807 -- - I think I'll hypnotize Odie. - Hmm. He appears to already be in a trance. - Of course with dogs, it's hard to tell. - Let's see how receptive he is to suggestion. - You are a chiiickennn... - cluck cluck cluck Is Odie hypnotized? No. Just
ga050807 -- stupid.
ga050808 -- Let's play "Scary Words". Riiight. Words don't scare me. - "Lasagna Famine". - Garfield? Breathe! I can't breathe!
ga050809 -- Ow! - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! - Never iron pants while you're wearing them. Thanks. I'll remember that the next time I wear pants.
ga050810 -- Garfield! Why is there a fish in your dish?! - I'm returning him to his natural habitat. sploosh! - ...my stomach!
ga050811 -- Picnic time! - All right! - Don't I get a sandwich? Blankets don't eat.
ga050812 -- Cat breath... - ...versus dog breath. - You be the judge!
ga050813 -- Cookies - * - This will save you a step. Cookies
ga050814 -- - What do you do today...what to do? ... - I could raid the fridge... - Or watch some TV... - Or take a nap... - *I* know! - I'll go see what that rascal, Odie, is up to.
ga050815 -- HACK! - Garfield! - Is this your feather? Do I look like a canary?
ga050816 -- You know, you can't eat just one canary. - Once I start eating canaries, I just can't stop! - So, what's YOUR favorite snack food?
ga050817 -- So, I sneak up on this cat, see... - And then I beat the stuffing out of him! - I think I'll go for a cheese sandwich.
ga050818 -- Being yellow in color, you would think canaries would have a buttery flavor. - But they don't. - Go away. Or lemony!
ga050819 -- Those are Murray's feathers! - This can only mean one thing... - Murray's molting! I like you.
ga050820 -- I was in your neighborhood, so I thought I'd hand deliver this. Gee thanks, dag. - Garfield! We got an invitation to Blondie and Dagwood's anniversary party! FOOD! - "No gifts. Casual dress. Dialogue and lettering will be provided". - Yesss!
ga050820 -- I won't even have to think!
ga050821 -- - * dingle dingle Oh. Odieee. skit skit skit skit - * dingle dingle dingle dingle No traction on the linoleum. skitty skitty skitty skitty skitty - * dingle dingle dingle dingle dingle dingle skittitty skittitty skittitty skittitty skittitty
ga050821 -- skittitty - - WHOOMP SHOOM -
ga050822 -- Hey, Garfield! I baked a cake today! - Do tell. - But I guess you know that. Duh.
ga050823 -- - - So that's why the ceiling fan stopped.
ga050824 -- Wait! You can't eat me! - Why? Uh, well...'cause I'm plastic? Yeh, that's it! I'm plastic! - If you're gonna lie, you gotta lie with authority. I'll remember that.
ga050825 -- Jon, you are such a klutz. Get off the floor. - You pushed me off my chair! - And why must you dwell on the past?!
ga050826 -- - POING - He's holding his concentration better than usual.
ga050827 -- Care to try out the non-stick surface of my new skillet? Sure! - What fun! In fact, I want to invite all my friends, too! I'll be right back! - Perhaps my ploy was a bit too obvious...
ga050828 -- * RIIIN... Hello? - Mrs. Feeny is on the phone. Give her my love. - She's angry with you again. She's beautiful when she scrowls. - I can hear her teeth grinding. In her mouth, or in the glass? - She wants to know where her blommers are.
ga050828 -- They're now in a circus tent in Barbaroo, Wisconsin. - ...along with her dog... He's driving the tiny clown car. - -AND Mr. Feeny. Oh, he went, too. He loves that little dog.
ga050829 -- Woe is me! - My dish is empty! - * ding Thank goodness my prk chops are ready.
ga050830 -- That's odd. - It's missing. - Garfield, have you seen twnty pounds of kitty litter? Memo of self: read labels.
ga050831 -- I've stolen Odie's bone! - It's all mine! - And boy, is this disgusting!
ga050901 -- I'm going to leap on that donut! - - Okay, I'm going to waddle over that donut!
ga050902 -- Garfield here! - With a special safety tip for all you boys and girls out there... - Never stand between me and my dinner!
ga050903 -- Question... - If I ate the ingredients separately... - Would they form a lasagna in my stomach? NOW what are we going to have for dinner?
ga050904 -- Oboy! It's here! - - Have a nice day! - bweeeen - ping SPWAK - zzzzzzzzzz SPLAT! - My...what a nice day!
ga050905 -- ...you cats! - TAKE! TAKE! TAKE! You're right. - GIVE! GIVE! GIVE!
ga050906 -- That's disgusting! - What's his problem? - You'd think he'd never seen a hairball scrapbook before.
ga050907 -- I would like to be alone. - You got it! - Well? I'll stand guard.
ga050908 -- Not counting this bag... - We're completely out of potato chips. - How unfortunate and how so very strange.
ga050909 -- beep beep bip bip boop boop boop - Hello, Luigi's Pizza Parlor. - It's for you.
ga050910 -- - Well, it wasn't easy, but I got both shoes on the same foot! - Is it any wonder I sleep 18 hours a day?
ga050911 -- - What's with the big grin? I'm grinning? - That can't be! - I'm VERY unhappy. - MY FACe MUST BE UNDER THE CONTROL OF GRIN-HAPPY ALIENS FROM ANOTHER PLANET! - Oh, the horror of it all! - You ate the last donut, didn't you? It's the grin-happy
ga050911 -- aliens, I tell you!
ga050912 -- I have here a message of hope. - ...a promise of dreams come true, of desires fulfilled... - Is that a shopping list? Helloooo.
ga050913 -- - - I said go get the ball. I didn't say bring it back.
ga050914 -- Hey! Where are my slippers?! - You left them in my food bowl again. Well, then give 'em to me! - PTOOEY bonk
ga050915 -- Hey, how about a display of affection? - purr - That's IT?!! Hey, that WAS even kinda sappy for a cat.
ga050916 -- I was out late last night. - - You got lost, didn't you? - A lot of the houses around here look alike!
ga050917 -- WHOA! CRASH! - That tree almost fell on me! - I am one lucky cat, huh, Jon? Jon?
ga050918 -- * bip bip boop boop beep beep boop - - Hi, I'd like to order a pizza. - - With everything on it. - - BIGGER THAN LARGE YOU DORK And do you have anything bigger than a large, you dork? Oops.
ga050919 -- - SLUP - How's the coffee? It got the job done.
ga050920 -- Do NOT kick Odie! - You're the boss. - SLAP!
ga050921 -- Everything is your fault. - Well... - Except the weather. Nobody's perfect.
ga050922 -- Who knows? Maybe there ARE beings on other planets. - Yeah... - Chickens would be nice.
ga050923 -- 198 - 199 - 200 rings! Do you suppose she isn't home?
ga050924 -- You wait right here while I do nothing. - - I'm back. You are so strange.
ga050925 -- Sigh - I saw the CUTEST girl at the deli today, Garfield. - She was a vision, standing at the counter right in front of the chopped liver... - The smell of love and hot pastrami filled the air... - Suddemly, I was a knish on a mission! I
ga050925 -- rushed over to her and said... - "You MUST be today's special, 'cause you're making me HUNGRY!" - Which explains the genoa salami in my left ear. I'll ge the forceps and mustard.
ga050926 -- Oh, sure... - We cats didn't invent the nap. - We merely perfected it.
ga050927 -- You shouldn't just lie here, Garfield. I shouldn't? - Cool... - I'm a rebel!
ga050928 -- If you stay there long enough, you'll get covered with dust... - And eventually, nobody will be able to see you! - Good. Then maybe the nagging will stop.
ga050929 -- That ceiling looks like a wall. - Which proves my point. - Standing is overrated.
ga050930 -- Getting some rest? Nope... - I'm doing nothing. - The two can appear amazingly similar to the untrained eye.
ga051001 -- One thing about cats... - They're very curious animals. - And why is that, Garfield? Don't know, don't care.
ga051002 -- - - - PSSSHHHFFFFFT  sluuuck
ga051003 -- ** DING-DONG - - Pavlov's cat.
ga051004 -- It's a cruel world! - BOOT! - That's where I'm placing the blame, anyway.
ga051005 -- Ellen, I just wanted you to know...I already HAVE a date for friday! - YES, a mammal! Go easy on her, she's really hurting.
ga051006 -- - - My peanut butter cups! MY mid-morning, post-breakfast, pre-nap snack.
ga051007 -- Bad date, Garfield. - She was a mime. - What does this mean? Some things are best left unsaid.
ga051008 -- - - Is that a canary feather? Not anymore.
ga051009 -- - - - - - LICK - poo
ga051010 -- I saw THE cutest girl in the supermarket today...she was so... - - Do you even care? Only if you remembered to buy the donuts.
ga051011 -- I saw THE cutest girl at the bowling alley today. - She was working at the snack bar. - I've never eaten so many (burp) nachos in my life. I'll bet *I* have.
ga051012 -- I saw that cute perfume tester girl at the mall again. - I asked her if she wanted to go to Wienerworld in her break. - Then she hosed me with "Eau de Sauerkraut". Goes well with wieners.
ga051013 -- I saw THE cutest girl in the kissing booth at the fair today. - So I bought her whole roll of tickets... - Then she went on break and Delores the Wonder Chimp stepped in for her. Is that banana on your breath?
ga051014 -- What's that, Heidi? - You hate me with every fiber of your being? - That may not be a good sign. - Depending on how many fibers her being has.
ga051015 -- GOBBLE GOBBLE SNARF SNARF GULP! - BURRRRP - You're disgusting. pat pat pat Disgusting and content.
ga051016 -- - - - - HOOP! - -
ga051017 -- - - Pillow, please.
ga051018 -- - - If you think I'm throwing it back, you're nuts!
ga051019 -- What a day! - I thought it would never end. And just whose fault is that? - I took several naps and it zipped right away.
ga051020 -- - - You'd have to slow the comic strip WAY down to see that.
ga051021 -- Where's the fish? - On vacation. - Oh, look. He sent you a postcard!
ga051022 -- I think I'll bat that ball of yarn. - CLONK! OW! - I had a big lunch.
ga051023 -- - - - - - - WHUMP!
ga051024 -- I'm a mean dog! - But everybody LOVES you! - I'm a failure. Who's mean now?
ga051025 -- Beware Of The Dog - *Breath!* - Now THAT hurts. Mint?
ga051026 -- Sorry. It just doesn't work. Really? - Can you be more specific? Well... - The ruffles are all wrong. Beware of the Dog
ga051027 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Very impressive. - Why, thank you! My new CD is available in the lobby! What IS this world coming to?!
ga051028 -- Why don't you leave? Okay. - - Boy, to think of all the time I wasted barking.
ga051029 -- My chain broke! I'm free! - I'm free to...uh... - ...uh... Dogs don't handle change well.
ga051030 -- - I'm going to scare Jon. - Heeey, that's a great look for you! - It is? Just super! - But it NEEDS something... - Ah! Here it is! - You're not taking me seriously, are you? Perfect!
ga051031 -- This is a warm moment, isn't it? Sure. - A man and his cat. Whatever. - I didn't say you could touch me.
ga051101 -- - I had a bad haircut. - Two wrongs don't make a right, pal!
ga051102 -- You can't fool me. What? - You're up to something. No, I'm not. - But now I feel obligated. KICK
ga051103 -- BIP BIP BOOP BEEP BEEP BEEP BOOP - Welcome to Luigi's Pizza...if you'd like a pizza, touch one... - How can a number wear off of a keypad? Touching it 10,000 times might do the trick.
ga051104 -- Thelma Lou Lickspittle! - I wonder if she ever got married? - For her sake, I sure hope so.
ga051105 -- - - GARFIELD! Let's hear it for flocked wallpaper.
ga051106 -- - - - BARK -
ga051107 -- Tonight, on "Snack and Chat," we have with us the world's largest woman. - So, Ma'am, to what do you attribute your size? - You gotta finish that? I'm going to have to start a fan club.
ga051108 -- And what is your special talent, sir? I play the saw. - ** * ** * *** Whoops. - *BWONG* SLAP OW! Is there a carpenter in the house?
ga051109 -- Welcome to "Rice is Nice!" - The cooking show where ALL we cook is rice...on EVERY show... - Is that UNDERSTOOD?! Sounds like SOMEone could use a cheeseburger.
ga051110 -- Oh, Marie! I could never live without you! Nor I you, Ted! Let's get married! - Oooookaaay...let me just check my schedule... - MUHWEE! COME MACK! COME MACK! MUHWEE! It's tough to talk with a day planner in your nose.
ga051111 -- Next, on "Most Amazing Police Chases"... - Stop. - Okay. That IS amazing.
ga051112 -- My next guest is a big rock. - THUD - Thanks for dropping in. Gooood-bye.
ga051113 -- grumble - Time for a midnight snack. - - chomp chew chomp chew GULP GULP - - BURP! - Whoops. Ate the bulb again.
ga051114 -- I have a smart alarm clock. - It had the good sense not to get me up early. - Your alarm clock is eating your breakfast.
ga051115 -- Hey, Odie! - Fetch the stick! - A little quick on the draw there, aren't we, trigger?
ga051116 -- YAWN zzzzz - I swallowed a fly! - Come onnnnn, dessert!
ga051117 -- What a nice day. - But they never last. - Stupid nice day.
ga051118 -- People with pets tend to live longer. - That's hard to believe. - Boy, tamper with a guy's brakes just once and you're marked for life!
ga051119 -- Question: is everything better with melted cheese on it? - I have a missing sweatsock. - Anser: "No".
ga051120 -- - - - - THONK - -
ga051121 -- Who wants pizza? - - What are you doing? My today-really-stunk-until-this-moment dance.
ga051122 -- I'd like an extra large pizza with triple toppings of everything. - Yes...I'm the guy with the cat. - Yes...I'll leave the money on the driveway. Wimps.
ga051123 -- How about pizza again tonight? - - What? I've never loved you more than at this very moment.
ga051124 -- - - PUT THE TURKEY BACK! I was just taking it for a walk.
ga051125 -- Garfield, what's a five-letter word for "a flat bread dough covered with tomato sauce, cheese, herbs, meat, and various... - - You dial. You order. beep boop boop.
ga051126 -- I'd like to travel the world. - What a wonderful ambition, Jon! I say, go for it! - And bring back a pizza!
ga051127 -- - - - - - - Dog origami.
ga051128 -- The first snowflake! - YESSSSS! - Hot chocolate season is here!
ga051129 -- Christmas may not be able to get here fast enough... - WHUMP - But WINTER sure can.
ga051130 -- Garfield...Santa Claus is coming to town! - Really? - He can share MY room!
ga051201 -- - Ah nee ah gwass ub wadda. - Guess who's been licking Christmas card envelopes all day? Wadda...
ga051202 -- * Ah, the first Christmas carol of the season. - It's hard to believe that in just three short weeks... ** - * I'm gonna be SICK of that sucker.
ga051203 -- I have to let Santa know...have you been good or bad this year? - Good! - Aside from the incessant, compulsive lying.
ga051204 -- crack crack crack - Dear Santa, this is Garfield. - I am writing to tell you about my behavior this past calendar year. - It has been good. Very good...nay, outstanding...nay, nay, exemplary. - I might even go so far as to say that I have
ga051204 -- been a paragon of virtue, a shining example...indeed, a role model and ispiration to cats everywhere. - ...across this great land of ours...not to mention the entire universe! - If you're gonna lie, lie big!
ga051205 -- - - If Santa brings me what I want, he gets the hat back.
ga051206 -- Christmas is coming. - - For those of you unable to take a big, fat hint.
ga051207 -- - - Burp
ga051208 -- Awww... - You look like you could use some Christmas cheer! - If I live to be a hundred, I will still never understand cats.
ga051209 -- I finally found the perfect Christmas stocking. - HEY! - Who nailed my waders to the mantle?! We're talking quantity, not quality here.
ga051210 -- SLAM So, how did caroling go? - I swallowed my pitch pipe. That's my Jon... - Ever the showman! *
ga051211 -- - - - - DONK DONK DONK - - DONK! OW! Okay! We'll get a real one!
ga051212 -- Hey, everybody... - It's the holiday season! - Have you hugged your Christmas tree today?
ga051213 -- - pull - CHA-CHING *
ga051214 -- - * kiss - Self-service.
ga051215 -- - - Have Pity
ga051216 -- - CHOMP -
ga051217 -- It's time for Christmas cookies! ...do you HEAR me?! - - I GOTTA learn how to talk. Y'know, we should bake some Christmas cookies.
ga051218 -- Sigh... - Bacon and eggs... - Pencil and paper... - Peas and carrots... - Yin and yang... - Peanut butter and jelly... - Christmas and cookies... I'll start the oven.
ga051219 -- Hey, Odie, look at this! - Jon's baking Christmas cookies! -
ga051220 -- Mrs. Feeny sent us another fruitcake this year. - It looks exactly like the one she sent us last year. - But we threw that one away... - I'll get the mallet and wooden stake.
ga051221 -- Happy holiday, cats! - SMACK! - GIFT WRAP?! Fa-la-lah, baby.
ga051222 -- Now back to "Enos Gumalot, The Elevator Operator Who Saved Christmas". - * ding Merry Christmas, Santa... - What floor, please? Roof. You da MAN, Enos.
ga051223 -- The stockings are hung...the milk and cookies have been put out... - - The milk and cookies are GONE. Maybe Santa showed up (burp) early.
ga051224 -- - Ho! Ho! Ho! - Z
ga051225 -- Z - T POING! - SHOOM! - For Garfield - - RIP RIP RIP TEAR TEAR TEAR SHRED SHRED SHRED - How do you like your gift, Garfield? Gift?
ga051226 -- You can take that hat off now. - -
ga051227 -- You'll be happy to know mom didn't knit you a sweater this Christmas... - She decided to branch out and made you a SCARF instead! -
ga051228 -- - boing! - Got a trampoline for Christmas.
ga051229 -- Hi, Beth, it's Jon...wanna go out for new year's? - Married? ...wow. And children, too? How many? - Nobody has 400 kids, Beth. That's a lot of sippy cups.
ga051230 -- Hi, Lisa, are you free on new year's eve? - AIIIYYYEEEE THUD! - Lisa, you faked your own death LAST year. Let the poor woman rest in peace.
ga051231 -- Oh, so you have a party to go to tonight... - Rub it in, why don't you? - fweeeee
ga060101 -- It's new year's eve resolution time, Garfield. Go for it. - This year I resolve to grow a moustache! - A bigm HONKING moustache! - And I resolve to work out! - And to let my hair grow long and wavy! - And to put you on a diet. - Heck with it.
ga060101 -- Wanna order a pizza? Make it TWO.
ga060102 -- Here I come, world! - What's that? - The world wants five more minutes.
ga060103 -- - SLURP! -
ga060104 -- How's it going? Never better! - Have a nice day! - I can't escape the feeling there's something I should be doing. Beware of the Vicious Dog.
ga060105 -- Look, Garfield! A rubber mousie! Fetch it! - Fetch it, Garfield! Fetch, fetch, fetchy-fetchy fetch, fetch, fetch! - FETCH! Do you have dipping sauces?
ga060106 -- Beth, go out with me or my heart will be broken! - - She said leave her alone of my legs will be broken. She's just being coy.
ga060107 -- I accidentally glued a piece of paper to my face. What a shame. - Allow me to fix it. - Why am I not happy? Oh, but you are.
ga060108 -- chew chew chew - f-f-f - - - AH - CHOO -
ga060109 -- What time is it? - Sorry. I'm not wearing a watch. - That was a little clock humor. How about a little hammer humor?
ga060110 -- Dogs can be lazy. - CAN be. - Thy just aren't as dependable as cats.
ga060111 -- - Dinner will be a little late. - "Roast dummy" takes time to prepare.
ga060112 -- It's the "All-Remote" channel! click - So put that remote down, guys! We click through every channel for you! click click click - FINALLY! A channel that takes all the work out of being lazy. click click click click
ga060113 -- Ellen, for you, I would swim the deepest ocean... - Pardon? - You'll take me up on that? Long way to dog paddle with water wings.
ga060114 -- Garfield, what do you want on your bologna? - - A steak!
ga060115 -- - Maybe I should start eating mice... - If I ate mice, I wouldn't have to wait around for Jon to feed me. - You don't want to do that. - Why not? - Have you SEEN the mice in this house?
ga060116 -- Garfield, why don't women like me? - They all say, "Oh, Jon, you're so nice...you'll make someone a wonderful husband," but I'm never right for them. - Why, Garfield, why?!! Because they're lying to you, Jon.
ga060117 -- Really?...you will? - KLONK - I Have a DAAAATE!! It's the end of the world as we know it!
ga060118 -- You ate the flowers I bought for my date! - Now what am I going to do? - Have her smell my breath.
ga060119 -- I'm ready for a date! Whaddaya think? Oh, YEAH! - You sure it's not too much? No way! You da man! Go get 'em! Atta boy! SLAM
ga060120 -- You don't want to know how my date went. - - Which means I DO want to know how your date went!
ga060121 -- The strangest thing, Garfield...my date had one nostril bigger than the other. - When she inhaled, it wheezed like a kazoo. - And when she EXHALED... Make him stop.
ga060122 -- Z - BUMP! What was that? - I heard something go bump in the night! - BUMP! There it is again! ...it's getting louder! It's coming this way! - BUMP! The bump in the night is coming for me!! - BUMP! EEEYAAAAHHH!! - It's cold out here. I THED
ga060122 -- I'm sorry.
ga060123 -- Notice how calmly I'm waiting to be fed. - Here. - Now, where are my pants? All in good time.
ga060124 -- Catch the ball, Odie! - - I may have thrown it a bit too hard.
ga060125 -- If you ate less, you would weigh less. - Interesting theory... - If only there were a way to test it.
ga060126 -- - - That could be for almost anything.
ga060127 -- I am not worthy of you. - You got THAT right. - So much for humility. You got THAT right.
ga060128 -- So, the moral of the story is... - I'm back! - I was telling a story and you left! You're not going to tell it again, are you?
ga060129 -- - eeerrrrrggghhhh - nnnnnggghhhhh - - poot - munch munch munch - AAARRRGH You gotta want it bad enough.
ga060130 -- Sigh Sigh - My life isn't turning out like I planned. Mine either. - I wanted to ACCOMPLISH something. I wanted tuna.
ga060131 -- - SCHLURP - How's your hot chocolate? Fine. And yours?
ga060201 -- Gee, I hope your faces don't freeze like this. - - THIS would be much better.
ga060202 -- ROT DO FUROE - - OUT OF ORDER
ga060203 -- Just look at that snow... - There's something strangely entertaining about watching it snow... - Of course, watching Jon with his tongue stuck to the mailbox ups the entertainment value considerably.
ga060204 -- What a day...my pants fell down. - Right in public, too! - I don't think anyone noticed. At least they got your good side.
ga060205 -- - Today... - I'm going to show you... - How to transform something... - Mundane... - Into a work of art. - Z I call it "Ninny in Repose".
ga060206 -- - - I love a parade.
ga060207 -- How's it going? Terrible! - I have a splitting headache! Then, here... - ASPIRIN
ga060208 -- How's it going? Lousy... - My back is killing me! - Want me to crack it for you? Why...it's a MIRACLE!
ga060209 -- PSSSSHHHT - - This isn't bug spray. It's cologne. Hey, big guy.
ga060210 -- - - snork! ack! glub! hurk!
ga060211 -- - ? - AAAHHHH!
ga060212 -- - Into a lrge basket, place two pairs of pants... - Five argyles, four shirts, and one bath towel. - And a dash of underwear, three hankies, a lone tube sock... - -a cat... - And toss. - Serves one.
ga060213 -- - - Stay upwind of the leftover sauerkraut. Words to live by.
ga060214 -- ...and double pepperoni and onions, with triple olives and anchovies. Got all that? - Good. Now page two... - He's weeping. Rookie.
ga060215 -- - DO NOT DISTURB - Z
ga060216 -- My inner beast desires a snack! - How about a nice, frothy fruit smoothie? - Inner beasts don't DO frothy and fruity.
ga060217 -- Ah! There's Mrs. Feeny... - Say hello to my snowball, you old crank. - ...with the amazing throwing arm. SPLUT!
ga060218 -- I have wasted almost this entire day. - - Quiet, please, I'm in the home stretch.
ga060219 -- - I escaped from the zoo! - I'm free! - Yahoo! - Whoopee - Um...yeah. - Well, gotta get back. It's feeding time. Take me with you.
ga060220 -- I'm a simple man, Garfield. A simple man with simple needs. - - Simple man need woman. Simple woman.
ga060221 -- Bad date, Garfield. - We went spelunking... - At her place? At her place.
ga060222 -- Dinner was going so well... - Then she excused herself from the table and never came back. - She didn't even touch her food. All right already! Get to the doggy bag part!
ga060223 -- Bad date, Garfield. - We went on a romantic canoe ride... - And she drowned my banjo. Not a jury in the world...
ga060224 -- Hello? - You're calling to say you won't go out with me? - Who's calling, please? The entire female population.
ga060225 -- Bad date, Garfield. - We went for a walk in the woods... - And a tree fell on her. Did she make a sound?
ga060226 -- Z - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff Z -  sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff -  sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG - Z -
ga060227 -- I like to stay... - ...what do they call that thing?... - Active!
ga060228 -- BURP - Tuna. - Attaboy! I'll be right back! I don't want to play "Guess the Burp" anymore.
ga060301 -- BURP! - beep! beep! beep! All right! - beep! beep! beep! beep! I set off a car alarm!
ga060302 -- Aren't you going to take the last cookie? - Because if you don't want it, I'll. -
ga060303 -- - Keep of the Grass -
ga060304 -- Everything I did today went wrong. - I didn't do anything today. - Do you see where I'm headed here?
ga060305 -- - - SPLOT! - munch munch munch munch - POO clonk - - You've got a little mustard riiight there.
ga060306 -- An awful thing happened on the way to the studio this morning. - A furry creature ran in front of my car. - But, no sense wasting a good squirrel! Low-budget cooking show.
ga060307 -- Frank, dearest, there's something I MUST tell you. Go ahead, my darling. Tell me... - ...uh... - This has been "Writer's Block Theatre".
ga060308 -- Oh, Dirk, I know you love me, and I love you...but our love can never be! - Okay, bye. - Um, Dirk? Dirk's gonna paaaay...
ga060309 -- We have with us tonight a man who hasn't spoken in 32 years. Good evening, sir. Good eve- - Uh...can I take that back? No, sir. You distinctly spoke. - No, I didn't. There! You spoke again! His lips aren't really moving that much.
ga060310 -- Shirley, I think the monster is behind that door! Oh, Bob! - ** DING-DONG - Wanna get that, Shirl? Prince of a guy, that Bob.
ga060311 -- DANG, Earl, it's a SPACESHIP! - DANG, Earl, them's ALIENS! - DANG, Earl, yer bein' PROBED! Can't be more than four teeth in that grin, Earl.
ga060312 -- - Good evening. - We ask that you please remain seated for the duration of the performance... - ...and to kindly hold your applause until the show's conclusion. - Also, no smoking, talking, flash photography, beepers, laser pointers, or cell
ga060312 -- phones. - KONK! - -or pineapples. How about chunked pineapple?
ga060313 -- Ellen, my dear... - It's impossible for me to put into words the way I feel about you. - But I have composed a little yodel that I think says it all.
ga060314 -- I have a thing for you, Ellen. - Ad it won't go away. - Kinda like a rash. I need air.
ga060315 -- Ellen put me on hold. - Interesting song... - Sounds like a dial tone. You folks go on about your business. We're going to be here for a looong time.
ga060316 -- Ellen, I'm your man! - And you'r emy woman! - My woman hung up on her man. And his cat isn't surprised.
ga060317 -- Let's play "Hide and Seek," Garfield! - Eight, nine, ten...READY OR NOT, HERE I COME! - You're not hiding, are you? It's friday night. Will someone out there please date this man?
ga060318 -- Ellen, how about going to the drive-in tonight? What's showing?... - Who CARES, baby?! - click! I said that out loud, didn't I? Dibs on the TV remote.
ga060319 -- - Another breakfast just like the one before... - Jon enjoying his coffee... - Odie with his ever-present dingle ball... - Sigh...same ol', same ol'... - - Yessss.
ga060320 -- Hmm... - I think I'll order the fish of the day. - How about you? I'll go with the cow of the day.
ga060321 -- I don't know, Garfield... - This place looks pretty fancy. - I have sixteen forks. Which one is for scratching your nose?
ga060322 -- I'm starving. Where's that waiter? - * WHONK - THAT got his attention.
ga060323 -- So, Garfield, did you have room for dessert? - - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA!
ga060324 -- WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! - - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA!
ga060325 -- Garfield, the next time we go to a restaurant, remember... - The food at other tables... - BELONGS TO OTHER PEOPLE! Who made up that stupid rule?
ga060326 -- - One cookie left... - That one old cookie that's lain in the bottom of the jar forever. - Covered in the ancient dust of a million other cookies and the fingerprints of a million grimy hands. - ...stale, rock hard, and hideously
ga060326 -- malformed...the "elephant cookie" of cookies. - And yet, as brutally graphic as my dissertation has been... - I'm not going to be able to talk myself out of eating it.
ga060327 -- Eileen Bultwiger...I had SUCH a crush on her. - Sigh - I hope she's fat now. I sense bitter here.
ga060328 -- Garfield, when it comes to women, I play hard to get. - Yeah, right. - How can you play hard to get when they play hard to find?
ga060329 -- That was Debbie calling to cancel our date. - Funny...we didn't have a date. - In fact, I don't even KNOW a Debbie. A girl can't be too careful.
ga060330 -- I just wish I could meet a girl. - - Who wouldn't beat me with hre purse. Well, now you're just being picky.
ga060331 -- I'm going on an imaginary date tonight! - Sad... - Even his imagination is desperate.
ga060401 -- Right, thanks for the reminder, Janice. - She calls me once a week to tell me she'll never go out with me. - She can't stop thinking about me. You devil.
ga060402 -- Z - Z - Z - chirp * Z - Z - BARK - Z
ga060403 -- Time to spring into action! - Huuuuut! - The spirit is weak, but the springer is weak.
ga060404 -- Some days I love my pets. - - And other days I wish I'd kept the receipts. * CRASH!
ga060405 -- I don't exist to serve you! - Sad... - So your life has no meaning at all...
ga060406 -- BEWARE OF SIGN - Dumb sign. - SMACK!!
ga060407 -- Who wants to have a party?! - - Me neither.
ga060408 -- Becky, how about if we- - I almost managed to ask her for a date before she hung up on me. - I must talk faster! Now you got it.
ga060409 -- Dinner! - Gimme! JUST a minute... - Other cats meow when they want their food. - - - ...line? MEOW! -
ga060410 -- Garfield, that woman smiled at me. - Wait, was that a flirting smile, or a pity smile? - Or a "look-at-the-zit-on-his-forehead" smile?! Mr. Insecurity.
ga060411 -- Hey there, what's up? - I'm being annoyed by some guy with a cat. - The brute. And thinl how embarrassed his poor cat must be.
ga060412 -- That's my date and me at the fall dance. - The theme that year was "undersea fantasy". - It was just a coicidence that she had gills. My, she's a lovely shade of green.
ga060413 -- Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, - -Please, please, please, please, please, please go out with me. - One more "please" might have done it. No, that would have sounded like begging.
ga060414 -- Karen thinks she and I should see other people. - She thinks it would be healthy for both of us. - An odd conversation for a first date... But civilized.
ga060415 -- I have ESP. - I know exactly what you're going to say. - I'm going to pull your ears over your head and tie them into a knot. Then I'm going to stretch your upper lip over your chin, and then I'm going to pull your right shoe off and stuff it
ga060415 -- up your left nostril. I knew that.
ga060416 -- - Yawn - Yawn - Yawn - click - THUD -
ga060417 -- Oh, this isn't my sign. Beware of the Cat - But I like hanging around it. - We're talking about intimidation by association.
ga060418 -- you'll do what I say because I'm the boss! - - You're cute when you're delusional. pat pat pat
ga060419 -- I thoight it was tuesday. - But as it turns out, it's wednesday. - BUT IN SPITE OF THAT STARTLING REVELATION, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE MAN IS STILL ABLE TO FUNCTION!
ga060420 -- Beware of Vicious Dog Pretty impressive sign, eh? - Do you know what it says= I have no idea, - Good!
ga060421 -- There's a great big world out there! Really? - Yup. - Say it IS big. Hey!
ga060422 -- The good night kiss was a disaster. - I missed her face and kissed her bug zapper. - Now my back fillings are picking up a hula station on Maui. Hey! Do you suppose there's an all-night luau joint around here?
ga060423 -- bip bip boop - Hi, Ellen? It's Jon! How have you been? - Great! And work, how's work? ...oh, good to hear! - Hey, listen, Ellen, I suppose you're wondering why I called... - You see, it's been quite a while since I had a date... - And I'm
ga060423 -- about as desperate as a monkey in a banana famine. - I've gotta work on my smiles. Or grow a tail...
ga060424 -- This movie looks interesting... - It's a courtroom drama. I don't really get into those. - "Godzilla vs. the Board of Education". However...
ga060425 -- BOOT - - THUD
ga060426 -- The ad says this movie is "fun for the whole family". - - Hey, we're family, right? In a dysfunctional sorta way.
ga060427 -- I love animated animals. - - Is that a yodeling toaster? I've never seen kitchen appliances in a conga line before.
ga060428 -- - - Someone here order some zany hijinks? Don't you dare.
ga060429 -- Citizens in distress, you say?! THIS is a job for... - - Indecisive Man.
ga060430 -- - - rattle - rattle rattle rattle rattle - click - - Too good for the pet door? It's a dignity thing.
ga060501 -- Hi, Ellen, it's Jon! How are you? - A splitting headache? I'm so sorry...how long have you had it? - Seven seconds... Hey! Isn't that about the time you called?
ga060502 -- Ellen, you can go out with me now. - Remember you said you only date men who live dangerously? - Well, yesterday I ran with scissors! He laughs in the face of stupidity.
ga060503 -- I really like talking to you, Ellen... - I really, really, really like talking to you. - Please say something back. Her mother told her if she couldn't say anything nice...
ga060504 -- Ellen, I think it's time we take our relationship to another level. - Pardon? - That's not another level, Ellen. That's another country. Jon isn't as stupid as he looks.
ga060505 -- I'm ready for my big date! - - I don't have a big date! Yeah, the word "big" gave you away.
ga060506 -- Ellen...bless you...did you get...bless you...the flowers...bless you...I sent? - What do oyu mean, "guess"? - How should I know? That would require a brain.
ga060507 -- - - - - - - Bacon frying.
ga060508 -- I may not be rich, Ellen. - But remember one thing... - Money can't buy happiness. You rent it?
ga060509 -- So, Ellen, what are my chances of a date with you? - SLAM! - I heard a door slam. I'd say those were your chances leaving the building.
ga060510 -- Ellen, I've decided to go out with you. - But you'll have to beg. - Waaaah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! So much for reverse psychology. you said it, Sigmund.
ga060511 -- Ellen, I have something to tell you. - I only have a week to live. - YEEES!! So much for the sympathy angle. You have all mine.
ga060512 -- I'm a real cute guy, Wendy. - Like a small woodland creature. - Wendy doesn't date weasels. Wendy's clever.
ga060513 -- Do you know what I think? - YAWN! - Yes.
ga060514 -- - - - - - - -
ga060515 -- You know, Garfield... - Some pets are actually entertaining. Really? - Hey! Where can WE get some of those?!
ga060516 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Notice how cool I remained during your two-hour dissertation? - I noticed you fell asleep at one point. ULTRA cool!
ga060517 -- If you chewed longer, it would seem like you had more food. - - No, if I had more FOOD it would seem like I had more food.
ga060518 -- - - Keep away from my fish dinner!
ga060519 -- Is this tie too big? - Not at all... - As long as your circus friends don't object, neither do I!
ga060520 -- Saturday night and no date again. - How about a game of checkers? Checkers? - Hey! I THOUGHT those went down hard.
ga060521 -- PING-A-TINK - PING PING PTINK PTOINK - PTOINK PTANK PTOONG koink KEENK KWANK - Strange... KWINK KEE-TANK KANK-KANK KINKA TINKA KOINK KOINK - I've looked and I've looked... P-KANG P-KOINKA KEENK BINKa BINKA TINKA - But I can't find my keys
ga060521 -- anywhere. KWINKA KWANKA ting tikka tikka ting ting ting QUNK KANK QUANK ting KANK - Have you checked the dryer, dimwit? And what IS that noise? KA-KINK KA-KINK ptoink PLINKA PTOINK  KEENK KWEENK P-KOINK
ga060522 -- I have a note from a secret admirer! - I'm not surprised... - If I admired Jon, I would want to keep it a secret, too.
ga060523 -- I've written down some witty things to say to my date tonight. - "Howdy doo!" - "How's tricks?" Ladies and gentlemen, shecky Arbuckle.
ga060524 -- Women are crazy about love poems. - - What rhymes with "Wolverine"? "Loser".
ga060525 -- I have a date, Garfield. - This woman is VERY particular. - If you know what I mean. She only dates geeks?
ga060526 -- Big date tonight, Garfield. - She likes her men to smell masculine. - I haven't showered in three days! That explains the dead fern.
ga060527 -- Cough. - Hee! Hee! Hee! - My date showed up! She just happened to be invisible! I didn't say anything.
ga060528 -- - - - - - -
ga060529 -- Everyone on the PLANET loves cats! - And anyone who doesn't... - Is a SPACE ALIEN!
ga060530 -- Oh, boy... - Do you know what people think when they see a man in a top hat? - Sophistication. Or, you must have a funny-shaped head.
ga060531 -- Would you say my lips are pouty and kissable? I don't know. - KISS - Pouty? No. Kissable? Yeees, but not that fireworks-going-off, give-you-goose-bumps kind of kissable. poo! poo!
ga060601 -- Sometimes I feel like everybody hates me. - That's not true, Jon. - Not everybody knows you!
ga060602 -- I worry too much. - - Or not enough.
ga060603 -- - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - And just what are you laughing at? Oh, my...where to start...where to start...
ga060604 -- - - - - - -
ga060605 -- My life is a lonely one, Garfield. - A lone man roaming a barren land... - SAAAAY... I was afraid of this.
ga060606 -- My date tried to have me arrested for being boring. - And I don't even think it's illegal! - I notice you're not professing innocence.
ga060607 -- My date just never warmed up to me. - I even stuck french fries in my ears and hung a spoon on my nose. - Women...they're a real mytery, huh?
ga060608 -- It's what's inside that counts. - Beauty is only skin deep. - You can't judge a book by its cover. Guess who has a blind date tonight?
ga060609 -- Bad date, Garfield. - She tried to run me over with her truck. - Fortunately, eighteen-wheelers aren't all that maneuverable. You can pick 'em, all right.
ga060610 -- A blind date, at a monster truck rally, what was I thinking? - She had long, red hair running down her back... - None on her head...just down her back. Okay, you can stop right there.
ga060611 -- Showtime! - - Uh-oh...grapes. - - - Missed me! - doink
ga060612 -- Garfield, I'm lonely. - - As in "in need of COMPANIONSHIP"! I'll pencil you in for next week.
ga060613 -- Those old bones don't move like they used to, huh, Garfield? - - Or did they ever? That's harassing the aged, fella.
ga060614 -- - - Which way to your cake? The birthday nightmares have begun.
ga060615 -- Great. Another age nightmare...who are you? - I'm your memory. What's with the suitcases? - I'm leaving you. Tiddy boom.
ga060616 -- Hi! I'm tonight's birthday nightmare! You? You don't look that scary. - What are you, anyway? A card? Nah. - I'm a gift certificate for a new hip.
ga060617 -- - Better wish for more sand this year. - Hee hee hee I hate birthday nightmares.
ga060618 -- shhh! - Happy early birthday, cat! We've got a SURPRISE for you. - All right! GULP - - PTUI - He's not looking very happy. Neither is Shirley!
ga060619 -- Instead of all those birthday candles... - We decided to use just one to represent your age! -
ga060620 -- * - - I GOT AN E-MAIL!! Lonely boy.
ga060621 -- This E-Mail from Dr. Liz says you're due for your annual checkup. - Do you know whta THAT means? Yeah... - SHE'S asking to see US! Cold hands and foreign implements.
ga060622 -- Please reply to Dr. Liz Wilson to confirm your vet appointment. - Dearest snooky-wooky chicky-boo, - Reception
ga060623 -- Let's see...what should I wear when I take you to see Dr. Liz... - Do you think I should bring flowers? To a vet appointment?! - I wonder if it's too late to grow a moustache? Oh, this just has fun written all OVER it.
ga060624 -- Garfield, we must go to the vet. - You have to get your shots. What does she think I am, a pincushion? - Sh has treats. The pincushion is ready to leave when you are!
ga060625 -- - - - - - -
ga060626 -- The doctor is running a little late...please have a seat. - - I hope you brought a snack.
ga060627 -- - Wow. - Look what an ear mite can do. Sooo glad to be here.
ga060628 -- - - Wanna see my rash? Get me out of here.
ga060629 -- cough - cough cough - cough
ga060630 -- We're at the vet! We're at the vet! We're at the vet! - Next. - Sigh
ga060701 -- Hello-o-o, Dr. Liz... - Where's your cat? Cat? - Ohhh! My CAT! I USED to have a name.
ga060702 -- - Why are you visiting the vet? For a checkup. I'm fine, actually. - Are you sure? You look a little green around the gills. Really? - And there's that scratchy throat thing going around... Cough! - -that escalates into fierce hacking
ga060702 -- attacks! COUGH HACK WHEEZE HACK! - -followed by extreme dizziness, a swollen tongue, and uncontrollable twitching. bl bl bl bl bl bl - What's wrong with him? He's fine, actually. cough gah nyah nyah
ga060703 -- Mr. Arbuckle and his cat are in room two, Dr. Wilson. It sounds like a CHICKEN in there. - Hello, Mr. Ar- - buckle. ...and their eyes met across a steinless steel examining table.
ga060704 -- Uh-huh. - Okay, stick your tongue out. - Let me rephrase that.
ga060705 -- You're looking lovely today, doctor. Nice of you to say so. - And this is a lovely picture...it really speaks to me. Thank you. - It's a diagram of a cat's digestive tract. And it's saying, "feed me".
ga060706 -- So doc, are you seeing anyone these days? Just my patients. - - Where did he go? He's in the waiting room kissing a sick saint bernard.
ga060707 -- So how have you been, Mr. Arbuckle? ME? - Oh, you know me...my social calendar is packed...just PACKED. - Gee, that's too bad. Will you look at that?! The Queen of England just cancelled!
ga060708 -- Uh, Liz? Yes? - - I choked, didn't I? Like a chicken trying to gargle a bowling ball.
ga060709 -- - - slurk - Hmmmneeds something. - - - slurk
ga060710 -- Why don't you move around more? - Not my fault. - Gravity wasn't my idea.
ga060711 -- I'm going to put this shirt on Garfield. - LAZY It's not true! - I am not yzal, whatever that means.
ga060712 -- The universe does NOT revolve around you, you know. - And just why not? - Too long a trip. Oh! Good one!
ga060713 -- Z - Ahem ZIP! - I was just clearing my throat! I could have sworn you said, "breakfast is served".
ga060714 -- You know, I've always felt I was destined for great things... - SNORT! - What was THAT? A really painful stifled laugh.
ga060715 -- - rustle rustle - Did you get to the article about me yet?
ga060716 -- - DON't PANIC! Well, maybe you could panic a little... - But not a lot! - So to review: panic some, but not to an extreme level. - ...starting... - NOW!
ga060717 -- What's that you say, Ellen? - You have amnesia and don't remember me? - Cool! Talk about a dark cloud having a silver lining!
ga060718 -- So how did you get your amnesia, Ellen? - - She doesn't remember. I've heard that's a symptom.
ga060719 -- Sorry about your amnesia, Ellen...would you like to go out? - You know...on a date. - She's forgotten what dates are. I'm surprised YOU remember.
ga060720 -- Just how bad is your amnesia? - I remember othing. Tell me all about yourself. - Well, there really isn't much to tell...SINCE the last space mission, that is.
ga060721 -- Please excuse me, whoever you are...I need to go and powder my nose. - Boy, she really DOES have amnesia, Garfield. What are we gonna do? Amnesia, huh? - So, she won't remember if she ate her dessert or not... Don't even think about it.
ga060722 -- Great! I'm finally on a date with Ellen, and she doesn't even know who I am! - This night could not POSSIBLY get any worse. Wanna bet?
ga060723 -- I don't believe it! - Liz is out with another guy!...but why?! - I bet if I disguise dmyself as a french waiter I could find out what was going on over there. - But that would be incredibly stupid, wouldn't it? Absolutely. - - - I'm goin' in.
ga060723 -- My hero!
ga060724 -- Wood yew lak to or-DARE zee num-nums now? Jon? ...is that you? - Well...uh...yeah. What gave me away? The bad accent? No... - Your busboy.
ga060725 -- Liz, why are you going out with THIS guy? What do you mean, "THIS GUY"? - YOU said your social calendar was all booked up... - I was trying to impress you! Well, I had to go out with SOMEone, didn't I? Hey! I'm SITTING RIGHT HERE!
ga060726 -- So, wait a minute...you LIKE this guy? - As a matter of fact, I do. That's right! She does! - You do? I do. I'm lost here. Need directions?
ga060727 -- Look, sport, you two go on...she obviously has some sort of weird attraction to you. - And if THIS lovely lady doesn't mind, I'll buy HER dinner instead! - Ellen, I'm really sorry... Have we MET?
ga060728 -- I had a wonderful time tonight, Jon. So did I. And it's my birthday, too. - Well, happy birthday! * kiss - did you get something nice? I got a life. And they lived happily ever after.
ga060729 -- What a night! Did you see the kiss? Yep. - Well, good night. 'night, Jon. - Did you see the kiss? Yeah, yeah, I saw the kiss.
ga060730 -- - - - - - - bidditty bidditty bidditty bidditty bidditty
ga060731 -- AH CHOO! - SNIFF - Sneezed in the caraway seeds again.
ga060801 -- * lah, lah, lah, lah, lah, lah... - GAAAHHHHH - * lah, lah, lah Guess who's taken up needlepoint?
ga060802 -- SLAM! Garfield, I'm hom- - GUCK! - Dumb door! Stupid necktie! He does know how to make an entrance.
ga060803 -- Garfield, I'm home! - Could you help me... - -with these groceries?
ga060804 -- Garfield, I'm having that dream again. - The one where I'm locked outside without my pants on. - I am dreaming, aren't I? Now comes the good part.
ga060805 -- Garfield, the can opener is broken. Not to worry. - I've prepared for just such an emergency. - Is that an acetylene torch? Step away from the can...
ga060806 -- - gloop gloop gloop gloop gloop Ketchup... - SQUIRRRRRT Mustard... - PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP Relish... - GOINK GOINK Onions... - Uh-oh. - Got a spare wiener on ya?
ga060807 -- Liz and I are actually going out...I don't think it's really sunk in yet. - - YAHHH-HOOOIE!!! Sink, sank, sunk.
ga060808 -- Having a girlfriend changes everything, Garfield. - The way things taste, the way things smell. - I'm gonna have to change my socks more often. Especially the way things smell.
ga060809 -- Hi, Liz, it's Jon...would you like to go to the movies friday night? - Yes? - ...just like that? This will take some getting used to.
ga060810 -- I'm leaving for my date now. You two WILL behave yourselves, right? - - What? What color is the sky in the world you live in, Jon Arbuckle?
ga060811 -- Two, please. How did Garfield deal with having to stay home tonight, Jon? - He was pretty broken up about it, but he's gotta learn that you and I need time for ourselves. - If you'd like pepperoni, press one.
ga060812 -- I had a great time at the movies with Liz. - - I'd forgotten what popcorn without cat hair in it tasted like. Don't get used to it.
ga060813 -- - - - - - - Windy day. Tell me about it.
ga060814 -- I'm no expert on anything... - So, I have nothing to say... - ...nothing at all... And yet you still keep talking!
ga060815 -- I'm in the mood to party! - - Or fold laundry. There's little difference in Jon's world.
ga060816 -- I have a scrapbook. - It's full of things I've clawed. - Well, it used to be.
ga060817 -- - I think it's time we cleaned out the refrigerator. Why the rush? - The baloney is yodeling. Let's wait for the olives to start blinking.
ga060818 -- Please wait to be seated - - Sit
ga060819 -- They say talking to plants helps them grow. - I don't think my elbows match. - SMACK! You killed it, dummy!
ga060820 -- - - - patta patta patta patta patta patta patta - BOING - - Howdy-doo YAAAHH!
ga060821 -- I can't believe Liz is my girlfriend, Garfield! - You know what this means, don't you?... - I have a date for new year's! First things first, pal.
ga060822 -- Liz likes my smile. - - My face hurts. That's the price you pay for love.
ga060823 -- * RIIING * RIIING * RIIING - HI, Liz! - Oh, nothing. Could you do nothing with a towel on?
ga060824 -- Liz and I are going to the movies on friday. - It's a chick flick and I don't care. - So this is love.
ga060825 -- sniff sniff - This movie is so sad. - sniff
ga060826 -- Hi, mom...guess what? I have a girlfriend! - Hello? Hello? What happened? - Mom fainted into her mashed potatoes. I've had dreams like that.
ga060827 -- - - SLURP LICK LICK SLURP SLURP SLURP LICK LICK - - LICK SLURP SLURP LICK LICK LICK SLUUURRP - - Beware of Affectionate Dog
ga060828 -- Yawn! - That was a boring yawn. - YAWN! Now we're talking!
ga060829 -- I think I'll stare off into space and daydream. - Nuts. - It's a rerun.
ga060830 -- I'd like to order a large anchovy, onion, and garlic pizza. - You'll have to quarantine our house? - Make it an extra-large. NO fear, baby!!
ga060831 -- WAH HA HA HA HA HA HA! - snatch - That's your best driver's license photo yet!
ga060901 -- Why doesn't your owner let you run free? - I mangle cats. - Freedom is overrated.
ga060902 -- I'm in a really, really bad mood. - - Hey, Jon! You gotta see this!
ga060903 -- - - - - - SLAM! - I guess I don't have to ask how this date went.
ga060904 -- I wonder what Liz sees in me, Garfield... - Could it be my rugged-yet-sensitive good looks? - STOP BITING YOUR LIP!
ga060905 -- Hi, Liz! ...a what? A veterinary lecture? Tonight? - Sure! Sounds like fun! - I wonder what you wear to one of those. A sincere look of feigned interest.
ga060906 -- I'm looking forward to this lecture tonight, Liz. Really? Most people find them pretty boring. - Not me! Oh, are you an authority on veterinary medicine? - No, I'm an authority on boring.
ga060907 -- I've never been to a veterinary lecture before. - - Care for some popcorn? Um...no thanks, sweetie.
ga060908 -- What's the screen for? This doctor shows slides with his lectures. - So it's like a show, huh? This oughta be. - Is that a bowel? Not a healthy one.
ga060909 -- Liz and I went to dinner, and then to a veterinary lecture. - It was titled, "Life cycle of the tapeworm". - I shouldn't have ordered the spaghetti. Hungry again, are we?
ga060910 -- - - - - Oh, forget it! - Works every time. -
ga060911 -- Hey, mouse, what's shakin'? - I don't think that's any of your business, fatso. - Mice are touchy before they've had their morning cheese.
ga060912 -- Did you ever get a song stuck in your head? - And you just can't stop humming it? - If cat food jingles count, yes.
ga060913 -- I have something to do! - - I was lying. Well, that counts as something.
ga060914 -- Why does your sign say, "Beware of Cats"? - Because cats are mean. - Take it down or I'll beat you with it. SEE?
ga060915 -- Hey, where's the cake that was in the oven? munch munch - It hasn't risen yet! - BA-GOING! NOW you tell me.
ga060916 -- It looks like you're going to spend all day in bed! - All right! - Is this some kind of trick?
ga060917 -- - - - - - -
ga060918 -- Garfield, you're not jealous of me seeing Liz, are you? - - No? - Don't flatter yourself.
ga060919 -- L like Liz a lot, Garfield... - But I'm not going to rush into anything really serious. - It's not like I'm ready to show her my sock drawer. You should save that for your wedding night.
ga060920 -- Liz laughed at all my jokes tonight. - - Is it wrong to question her sense of humor? In your case, no.
ga060921 -- Garfield, now that Jon and I are dating, I hope you and I can be friends. - That won't be easy. - It's hard to be friends with someone who's seen you naked.
ga060922 -- Liz, I really like you. I like you too, Jon. - I think it's time we took our relationship to the next level. Oh? - Polka-Karaoke night!! Welcome to our world, baby.
ga060923 -- Pizza tonight! - Hey! - Where did you hid the knobs to the stove?! Make mine half pepperoni, half double pepperoni.
ga060924 -- PLAY - PLAY - REW - PLAY - REW - PLAY - Whatcha' watching? Oh, just some treasured moments.
ga060925 -- - - Hungry? I hate to be a bother.
ga060926 -- Tonight's delicacy is... - "Vulture Pot Pie" Well! - Who's eating who NOW, huh, fella?
ga060927 -- This evening we're featuring "Winged Things". - "Choice cuts of chicken, turkey, owl, falcon, emu, and penguin". - "Artificial sparrow flavoring added". That's what gives it its zing.
ga060928 -- Missing - Have You Seen Me? - All right, all right! I ate the last cookie!
ga060929 -- - Hey! I wanted a donut, too! - Very well, you may have the one off the end.
ga060930 -- - CLOP - Ringer!
ga061001 -- - - - - - -
ga061002 -- Having a girlfriend has really opened my eyes, Garfield. - I'm learning so much about women. - Sorry. Well, I AM!
ga061003 -- I'd like to make a dinner reservation for two. - Name's Arbuckle... - And can I get t table near the giant singing robot mouse? Another date to remember.
ga061004 -- ...and while my date and I are dining tonight, could you send your strolling violinist over to our table? - It's his day off? - Their dishwasher plays the juice harp. Can he stroll?
ga061005 -- Your restaurant has a WHAT after five? ... - A dress code? - Gee, I hope Liz owns a jacket and tie. You DO need to get out more.
ga061006 -- Jon's out on a date with Liz. - So we have the place all to ourselves. - Me, the cookies, and the TV remote.
ga061007 -- How about a nice walk? - - You know how I hate that stare. You know how I hate nice walks.
ga061008 -- - - - SQUIRRRRRRRT - GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK GUCK - - PBTHTHTHTHTHTHTHT
ga061009 -- - Beware of Ugly Dog - Grrr
ga061010 -- Beware of Shy Dog - -
ga061011 -- Beware of Lonely Dog - -
ga061012 -- Beware of Dog - Take a Number - Now Biting Number 32 OW!
ga061013 -- - Beware of Bunny - Bunny? BURP
ga061014 -- Beware of Dog - - Or Visit Me on the Web at: www.
ga061015 -- - - - - - -
ga061016 -- Women are sure a mystery. - - Mysteries that smell REAL good. And who doesn't love a good, smelly mystery?
ga061017 -- Yeah, I suppose she's got good, sturdy legs... - Yeah...good teeth, too... - Dad, I'm BUYING her, not buying her at auction. These things matter to farmers.
ga061018 -- I held a door open for Liz today, and wrenched my arm. - Wait for it... - Stupid automatic doors! Therrre it is.
ga061019 -- Well, sure, I feel the same way about you, Liz... - In fact, I- BURP - GARFIELD! GET OFF THE EXTENSION!
ga061020 -- sniff sniff sniff - lap lap lap lap - rowr... Good stuff, ain't it?
ga061021 -- Garfield! My head's stuck in the towel rack! - - NO PICTURES!! Oh, come on...just one for my website.
ga061022 -- - Don't even think about it, cat. - If you take one step closer, I'll call for reinforcements. - OKAY, GET HIM, MEN! - CLANK CLUNK CLINK CLANK CLUNK CLANK CLANK CLINK - Allright! A sushi bar! - This didn't have quite the effect I was hoping
ga061022 -- for.
ga061023 -- Wow! It's a pink-bellied brown-speckled dunker! - They're nearly extinct. - At least this one is.
ga061024 -- - POP - I'll open the milk.
ga061025 -- - - I need salsa...pronto.
ga061026 -- - - Yeeees? Take me to your freshly baked cookies.
ga061027 -- The peper says there's a monster movie on TV. - I'll goo see if it's any good. - MOMMY! I'll make the popcorn.
ga061028 -- Welcome to "Garfield's Horror Theater". - WE'RE OUT OF COOKIES! - You have been watching "Garfield's Horror Theater".
ga061029 -- - - YAWN - - BURP - sniff - The magic is gone, isn't it? No hug till you shave.
ga061030 -- There's a good scary movie on TV tonight. Yeah, sure. - You say that every night. - "Invasion of the 50-Foot Adolescents". Tonight, though, you would be correct.
ga061031 -- I watched "Attack of the Brain-Sucking Eye" on the late show last night. - - BIG mistake. Beg pardon?
ga061101 -- - meow...meow...meow...meow - meow That's mine.
ga061102 -- * - Feed Me - That costs MONEY, you know! Then feed me.
ga061103 -- What a day. - I got stuck in a crowded elevator. - And everyone made me eat my cell phone. Some folks just don't like polka ringtones.
ga061104 -- - - You'd think staplers would come with a manual. THUD
ga061105 -- * - * - * - STOMP - - tickle tickle tickle - hee hee hee hee hee hee
ga061106 -- Look at all the dead bugs in that ceiling lamp. Yup. - Huh Huh - I wonder what's on TV? We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga061107 -- I just checked... - All we have left for dinner are ramen noodles and chocolate pudding. - Are we lucky or WHAT? We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga061108 -- Oops...I dropped the guacamole. - - Good thing that rug is green. We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga061109 -- - - We need new dishes. We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga061110 -- - sniff sniff - Laundry day. We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga061111 -- I dried my socks in the microwave... - And now they smell like last night's macaroni and cheese! Sweet. - Mmmmmm  We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga061112 -- - - - - cut cut cut - GLOMP - Are you gonna finish that?
ga061113 -- Dr. Wilson is with a patient right now, Mr. Arbuckle. Can I take a message? - Uh huh? ...dinner tonight? ...where? ...formal dress or casual? ...what time? ...will you be bringing flowers? ... - What are my intentions? She's good.
ga061114 -- Liz and I have a date tonight. Will you two be okay on your own? - - We'll manage...somehow...
ga061115 -- What's wrong, Jon? Oh, I feel guilty about leaving Garfield and Odie alone. - That's sweet. I can just see them, waiting at the door for me... - Z
ga061116 -- You shouldn't feel guilty about leaving your pets alone for the evening, Jon. I can't help it. - I keep thinking about their sad little faces. - Oh, Garfield, I'm such a loser.
ga061117 -- Guys! I'm back from my date! Did you miss me? - - Can you PAUSE the video game for a second?!
ga061118 -- I guess you two DON'T mind my going out on dates then. - You seem to have done ver well all by yourselves tonight. - Although I would like to know where the refrigerator went. He noticed.
ga061119 -- - - CLOP - ttthhhhhhhh - thhhup! SPLOT - chonk - It's the little touches that say so much.
ga061120 -- I should cook something tonight. - - I mean, as long as I'm wearing the hat... You go, logic man.
ga061121 -- I'm trying to decide what to cook for dinner. - Hmm... - I'm thinking something with feelers. Well, looky here! A chinese takeout menu!
ga061122 -- Guess what, Garfield? Steamed vegetables for dinner! - - Now that's just crazy talk, and you know it. You're not purring.
ga061123 -- Tah-dah! - I saw this on a cooking show! - Are you sure it wasn't a murder mystery?
ga061124 -- This soup is from an old family recipe. - Grandma named it after the chicken who inspired it. - "Cream of Gladys". And blooey goes the ol' appetite.
ga061125 -- Tah-dah! - GULP snatch - I spent all day making that! You've really got to learn to cook faster.
ga061126 -- - - * - - - - *
ga061127 -- I want to get Liz something special for Christmas, Garfield... - Something that speaks from my heart... - Accordion lessons? Try another organ.
ga061128 -- Let's see...could you picture your girlfriend in this, sir? - Sir? - Okay now, open up...here comes the choo-choo...
ga061129 -- Well, I decided. Liz said she like dpoetry, so I got her a book by Emily Dickinson. - - I also got her the singing fish. You had me worried for a minute there.
ga061130 -- Sigh...it's almost that time of year again. - Soon the snow will be falling... - And the Christmas cookies will be rising.
ga061201 -- Here they come... - Christmas cookies! - Shaped like little harried last-minute shoppers. Let's put them out of their misery.
ga061202 -- It's a Christmas card from our cable company. - Interesting illustration... - Santa beating a satellite dish with a giant candy cane.
ga061203 -- - Daer Santa, My name is Jon. - I have been good all year. - My dog, Odie, has been good all year. - And my cat, Garfield, - - says, "Hi."
ga061204 -- It's one of those snowing-outside, toasty-warm-inside evenings... - Perfect for curling up with a good book. -
ga061205 -- I thought I'd start my Christmas cards early this year! - - I don't believe me either. Race you to the couch.
ga061206 -- Think we should send Mrs. Feeny a Christmas card? - - It IS the holiday season, you know. Can't we just flock her chihuahua instead?
ga061207 -- Happy Holidays, from Jon, Garfield and Odie - Happy Jonnydays, from Hol, Oldfield and Garil. - Time for a little break. Hippy Frollijons,
ga061208 -- Garfield! Stop trying to peek at your presnets! - And by the way, those don't really work. - Rats. Garfield
ga061209 -- Look, Garfield...I made gingerbread men! - Isn't he cute? Yep. - Too cute to live.
ga061210 -- beep beep bip bip beep boop beep - boop bip beep boop beep boop boop bip beep bip beep bip boop bip beep - boop bip bip bip boop beep beepbip beep bip boop beep boop bip beep bip bip boop beep beep bip boop beep bip beep bip bip boop beep bip
ga061210 -- beep - beep beep boop bip boop bip bip bip beep bip boop boop boop beep boop bip bip beep beep bip boop beep beep bip boop boop beep boop bip boop bip bip boop boop beep boop bip bip boop beep beepbip beep bip bip - beep beep bip boop boop
ga061210 -- bip beep boop bip bip boop boop beep bip bip beep bip boop boop beep beep boop bip bip beep boop boop bip beep boop beep bip bip bip boop bip beep beep beep bip boop bip bip boop beep bip beep bip boop bip boop bip beep bip beep - What are
ga061210 -- you doing? Text messaging my Christmas list. bip send -
ga061211 -- schlurp schlurp - MMMMMMMMMMMMMM - Eggnog always tastes better in a Santa hat.
ga061212 -- - - Is my nose really that big?
ga061213 -- Liz is coming over! Again?! - We're going to make a snowman! Liz, Liz, Liz! Enough already with Liz! - She'a bringing some of her special holiday fudge. Don't you ever lose this woman.
ga061214 -- This is fun, Jon. What would you like to do for dinner? - Why don't we just order chinese food and watch an old Christmas movie o TV? - He gets emotional around the holidays, doesn't he? Actually, I think it was the chinese food that did it.
ga061215 -- Jon...your couch is covered in cat hair! - I like that in a man. - You can't have her anymore. *I* love her.
ga061216 -- - Hey, pal... - Who told you horizontal stripes were flattering?
ga061217 -- - Guess what, Garfield? - Santa will be here in one week! - - - - Blink! I can't. I'm stuck.
ga061218 -- * FA-LA-LA-LA-LA... * FA-LA-LA-LA-LA... * FA-LA-LA-LA-LA... - * FA-LA-LA-LA-GAK! - My singing wreath! Just fa-la-la-la-ed its last la.
ga061219 -- It's from Santa..."Dear Garfield, I got your letter telling me how god you've been all year... - -Who do you think you're trying to kid?! - Just kidding! It's the gas bill.
ga061220 -- - - Thank you, Odie!
ga061221 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - Merry Christmas, dog! Why...thanks! -
ga061222 -- How did Christmas caroling go? - - That's a lot of chocolate chips. I was in fine voice.
ga061223 -- Happy holidays, Herman! Same to you, cat. - 'sup? Oh, my brother-in-law's been visiting all month. - What did you ask for from Santa? For you to eat him.
ga061224 -- - I heard something... - Did you hear something? - It sounded like big boots clomping around! - And look! The cookies are gone! - You don't suppose... clomp clomp clomp clomp CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP - munch munch munch munch
ga061225 -- Z - Rise and shine! CLICK! - Chistmas mornings get earlier every year. Which one should we open first, Odie?
ga061226 -- HI Liz...merry Christmas! - And THANKS for the CD! It was just what I wanted! This woman must really love you. - How did you know? "Polka Joe, Live at the Aztec Bowling Alley".
ga061227 -- C'mon, Garfield, just one picture in the sweater mom made for you. - Hold still now...I want this to be good. - Are you smiling? Take a wild guess.
ga061228 -- I invited Liz over for new year's eve! - - We're gonna need a bigger couch.
ga061229 -- Party hats...check. Noisemakers...check. Punch...check. Lampshade... - Lampshade? Check.
ga061230 -- Garfield! Liz isn't even here yet! - Stay out of the dip! Sheesh. - Some party THIS is.
ga061231 -- - * I'm glad you could come over, Liz. Me too. - You're going to experience a real Arbuckle Family New Year's! 10...9...8... - 7...6...5... OK, get ready! - 4...3...2...1... Here it comes! - HAPPY NEW YEAR! Z
ga070101 -- We ought to make new year's resolutions. - HA HA HA HA HA - No, seriously. Please, let's not spoil the moment.
ga070102 -- For new year's, why don't you resolve to lose 50 pounds? - And why don't you resolve to stop being a dork? - I'm only kidding. I'm not.
ga070103 -- I put my pants on backwards again. - RATS! - And anothe rnew year's resolution goes blooey.
ga070104 -- Liz has some leftover holiday fudge she's bringing over. - - SOME people do HAVE leftover fudge. What a concept.
ga070105 -- Liz is bringing fudge over... - Jon likes Liz, Liz likes Jon, and I like fudge. - This could be the start of something beautiful.
ga070106 -- Thanks for the fudge, Liz. Garfield thanks you too. - He's very loving. Well, it IS Garfield... - I've never had a cat kiss my feet before. And it IS fudge.
ga070107 -- - - CRASH - tinkle tinkle - - - The lamp wanted you to have this. * honk
ga070108 -- There's something wrong with my pants. - Yeah. - They're your shirt, dummy.
ga070109 -- Hey! - My headache is gone! - I'm back.
ga070110 -- Hi, kitty! You seem to be in a good mood. - My owner just told me I'm a good doggy! - Sometimes I envy dogs...
ga070111 -- - STOP SHEDDING! - Whoa! That loosened up some hair!
ga070112 -- I'm a cat hair. - I'm a cat. - You seem useless. I'll bet you didn't always think that.
ga070113 -- Ah! - What a great nap! - I'd rank it in the top five for the day.
ga070114 -- BURP - Ahem - Bat me! - BAT - - - - Again! I've invented the yo-yo yarn.
ga070115 -- Good coffee. - Goooood coffee. - Gooooooooooooooooo
ga070116 -- Louise, my darling, we've got just one chance! Yes, Trent?... - You distract the monster, and I'll run away as fast as I can! - You call THAT a PLAN?! I'd run NOW, Trent.
ga070117 -- Paddles and cookies? - What are those for? My snow fly. -
ga070118 -- I found a quarter in the dryer! - - It was already yours, tycoon boy.
ga070119 -- What's it all mean, Garfield? What's life all about? - - I'll say tuna.
ga070120 -- - - NICE cats wouldn't put pickle juice in their owner's coffee! NICE cats have no fun.
ga070121 -- - rrrrrrr - ding a ling a ling a ling a ling a ling - grrrrrrr - ding a ling a ling a ling a ling a ling - grrrrrrrrrrr - ding a ling a ling a ling a ling Hello? Hello? We have too many ding-a-lings around here.
ga070122 -- I'm a lucky guy, Garfield. I've got Liz, you, Odie... - What more could I want? - BRING THAT DONUT BACK!
ga070123 -- Love is weird. - It just sort of sneaks up on you when you least expect it. - Sort of like a chili dog in an elevator. I love cili dogs.
ga070124 -- "Surprise your loved one with this special gift that will last for all eternity". - - "Comes with a free 30-day warranty". Eternity ain't what it used to be.
ga070125 -- Liz and I have been together almost six whole months now. - That's the longest I've ever been with a girl. - Moms don't count. Of course, if I don't count mom...
ga070126 -- I know just what to do for Liz on our anniversary, Garfield. - I'll take her to "our" restaurant and have the band play "our" song. - It'll be perfect. Binky Burger has a band?
ga070127 -- How about dinner tomorrow, Liz? ...it's a special night, you know. - - She said every night with me is special. You're melting.
ga070128 -- Garfield! Garfield, guess what I got Liz for our six-month anniversary... - Lovebirds! - They represent Liz and me, and the little bells symbolize the beautiful music we make together! Check out the chubbo. You said it. - Well, I better get
ga070128 -- ready for my date. - - Seem, the twom um, earrings represent you and me, and the little bells symbolize- There's a feather stuck in this one.
ga070129 -- - You can't lie there forever. - I accept that challenge!
ga070130 -- Look out, world! Here comes Garfield! - - I warned you. Huh? burp cough sniff scratch scratch
ga070131 -- - - I tried it, but I still don't get it.
ga070201 -- Hey... - Where's my ball of yarn? - You mean dad?
ga070202 -- - I never get a call on my cell phone. - Possibly because it's an electric razor.
ga070203 -- Cats live on instinct. - - And my instinct could go for some of those extra-spicy chicken wings.
ga070204 -- - - yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - AAAAAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAA - I think I'll make a snowman instead. AAHhhhhhhh
ga070205 -- Goode evening, ladies and germs! WHISH! - I know you're out there, I can hear you breathing! ZIP! - Any requests? Get taller!
ga070206 -- I shall now attempt to read the mind of someone in the audience! - KONG! - Please, no clues.
ga070207 -- zip zip zip zip - KONK ZIP - Ketchup?! We ran out of tomatoes.
ga070208 -- BONK! - beedle beedle beedle - U STINK
ga070209 -- Now for some impressions! - Any requests? - Cat falling off a fence! Yeah! And splattering himself all over the place! I hate audience participation.
ga070210 -- You've been a great audience tonight! There's nobody here but me. - Oh. - But you're great! I'm the janitor, you dork!
ga070211 -- - FLOWERS - - - -
ga070212 -- Everything is mine, mine, mine! - Correction. - If we had anything, it would be mine, mine, mine!
ga070213 -- YAWN - YAWN - I'm a trendsetter!
ga070214 -- - (ahem)... "Purr". - How nice! I don't write 'em. I just read 'em.
ga070215 -- Snow! - It's a blizzard! - I'm flattered.
ga070216 -- No two snowflakes are exactly alike. - Wow... - Jon had a busy winter.
ga070217 -- Thanks for the coffee, cup. No problem...and call me Joe. - You know, Joe, as far as nightmares go, this one could have been a whole lot worse. How? - It could have been decaffeinated. Now you're scaring ME, man.
ga070218 -- RUNK-itta - RUNK-itta... RUNK-itta... RUNK-itta... - brap brap brap BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAA KRONK! DONKITTY KRONKITTY KRONKA KRONKA KRONKA - What's all that racket? PTOO! - - Old man Griewe just took out another lawn gnome with his
ga070218 -- snowblower.
ga070219 -- I'm not a morning person. - - Lucky morning.
ga070220 -- "Dear Garfield, how can you stand on that fence without falling off?" - Simple. - Things aren't always as they seem.
ga070221 -- The songbird didn't sho up at the feeder this morning. - * - *
ga070222 -- - BAT - That's my boy!
ga070223 -- I'm hungry. - - Though not as hungry as Jon. That was mine!
ga070224 -- Meow - ** MEOW MEYOWWRR MEEYOW * - Would you believe I haven't had any formal training?
ga070225 -- - - - - - - You're spoiled, you know. I am not, an where's my mint?
ga070226 -- click click click click Quality, quality, quality, quality. - click click click click Quality, quality, dreck, quality. - click click Whoa! Back up there!
ga070227 -- And what is your special talent, sir? I juggle chain saws to polka music. - Fascinating...why chai saws? - They're the only thing that'll drown polka music out. I like him.
ga070228 -- Tonight, it's "Alaskan Grizzly Mating Calls with Larry". - Followed by "Yukon Emergency Room". - With Larry. "With Larry".
ga070301 -- Only one person in this room could have murdered Mr. Thompson, and that person IS... - Oh...a question. Yes, you with the pickax? - Um...may I be excused? And to think I could have been watching Jon's socks tumble dry.
ga070302 -- Nothing whatsoever happened in the world today. - Everybody was watching television. - Details at eleven. ...on the All-Irony Channel.
ga070303 -- ...and the cat ate, and ate, and ate... - and ate, and ate... - Until there was nothing left to eat. I hate sad endings.
ga070304 -- BURP - - - plop - Kitty Treats
ga070305 -- - Happy monday. -
ga070306 -- Vegetarian aliens from outer space! - This should be interesting. - Take me to your broccoli. With pleasure!
ga070307 -- Liz thinks I'm handsome. - - And what does her guide dog think?
ga070308 -- Z - Z Z - Hey! Five more minutes...
ga070309 -- Why don't cats play fetch? sniff Cough. - BURP - We have too much dignity. scratch scratch
ga070310 -- Fetch the tree, Odie. - - Not THAT tree!
ga070311 -- Z - Z - Z Z - Z Z - Garfield, look! Odie's sleepwalking! Z - Z Garfield? -
ga070312 -- Hello. How's it going? - Not bad. SMACK - Yourself? I've been better.
ga070313 -- Spiders are disgusting! We are? - SMACK - Yes. Well, NOW, yeah!
ga070314 -- Don't swat me! - SMACK - Wait. Did you say, "don't"? THAT'S A RATHER MOOT POINT AT THIS JUNCTURE, DON'T YOU THINK?!
ga070315 -- I wish I were thinner. - WHAP! - I should write a diet book! I said, "thinner," not "flatter"!
ga070316 -- I'm cold. - A nice hot cup of coffee should warm you up! WHAM - Boy howdy, he wasn't kidding.
ga070317 -- What happened to my uncle Dave? - He got hit by a train. A TRAIN?! - Train...train schedule, whatever. SMACK!
ga070318 -- - - - - FWAP! - - DWONK!
ga070319 -- Here, Garfield. I brought you a cat treat. - Gee, thanks. - Was the store out of hams?
ga070320 -- I could use a hug. You got it! - Odie! snap - Uh, thanks, Garfield. Feel the love.
ga070321 -- I'd like a bouquet of roses. - stomp! stomp! stomp! - And to pay for the daisies in your window display. That was invigorating!
ga070322 -- Breakfast, lunch and dinner are three SEPARATE meals. - They are NOT intended to run together. - Do you just make this stuff up to depress me?
ga070323 -- I'm Maynard, from the temporary cat services. - I'll be filling in for Garfield while he takes a little personal time. - I was told there would be food. Go away.
ga070324 -- I'm not having fun. You're not? - SLAP OW! - That wasn't fun! Then I'm out of ideas.
ga070325 -- - - - - - - Do let me know when you've hit bottom. I could use a lantern down here!
ga070326 -- Liz and I are going out again... - And this time I've hired a pet sitter. - I think they took that well.
ga070327 -- Okay, boys, the pet sitter is here...meet Lillian! - Well, hel-* LOOOOO! - My, you must be one of those HAIRless kitties! She could burn ants with those lenses.
ga070328 -- Now don't you worry about a thing, Mr. Lardmuckle. We'll be just fine. - If you get worried, just give me a call. Thanks...I might. - I'll have the phone beside me all night. You are so gonna pay for this.
ga070329 -- I bet ol' Miss Lillian knows what you two darlings want...homemade cookies! - They'll be done in no time! - ...hot and fresh out of the dishwasher. THUD Whoopsie!
ga070330 -- Oh, HELLO, Mr. Turnbuckle...yes, we're doing fiiiine. - They're behaving just like two little ANGELS. pat pat pat - Well? I must have dialed a wrong number.
ga070331 -- I guess the pet sitter worked out fine, huh? - - OK, maybe not.
ga070401 -- Z - click - Ooh! Let's watch "Revenge of the Doofus Snatchers"! click - I was thinking more like "The Flowers that Betrayed Me". click - Well, then I say we watch wrestling! click - Not if we're watching "Tragic Love" first! click - See,
ga070401 -- Odie?! Told you this was better than reality TV! click click click click click click click
ga070402 -- - You should stop drinking coffee. - Maybe after this earthquake.
ga070403 -- Would you like to go for a walk in the park, Liz? Yes, I would. - Cool! - Can I come along? Why not? Mr. Insecurity.
ga070404 -- Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo! - It's MEOW! - Told you I could make him say it!
ga070405 -- Have you no shame? - - Nope. I'm still a cat.
ga070406 -- - - THUD! That was a pleasant walk.
ga070407 -- Life is filled with joy! - Instead of lasagna, I decided to serve granola for dinner. - Life was just toying with me.
ga070408 -- Another rainy sunday. - Rainy sundays are always the same...the steady patter of rain on the roof... - The comforting thrum of the furnace in the basement... - The sound of water rushing through the gutters and downspouts... - Jon shrieking
ga070408 -- at the top of his lungs... click - - GARFIELD, UNLOCK THE DOOR THIS MINUTE!!! Ah, there it is...
ga070409 -- I'll have a burger. - Beef, turkey, chicken, tofu, veggie, buffalo, or ostrich? - Hello? ...hello? Ah, the curse of the decision-impaired...brain lock.
ga070410 -- Our floor show is about to begin... - It's time for... "The Chicken Dance"! - * LA LA LA LA LA LA * You hit the lights. I'll eat the chrorus line.
ga070411 -- I call this "Jumpin' Java" - Some Mexican jumping beans were accidentally ground in with the coffee beans. - Could I get some cream and a mallet?
ga070412 -- What's on the menu today, Irma? - Dust bunny surprise. - What's a "dust bunny"? And why are the floors cleaner than usual?
ga070413 -- Irma, the men's room is out of soap. Thanks, hon. - - HANDS OFF THE COUNTER!
ga070414 -- How's the stew, hon? Stew? - I thought this was SOUP! Oh. - How's the soup, then?
ga070415 -- - Ewww! - There's a FLY in my coffee! - zzzz - What could be more disgusting than THAT?! - - That.
ga070416 -- * - SMACK - You're mean! And you whistle off-key.
ga070417 -- When I'm with Liz, I feel like a different person. - When I'm with you, I feel like... - Me. We pets do have that grounding effect on folks.
ga070418 -- Liz brings out the MAN in me! - WAH-HA! HA! HA! *SNORT* HA! HA! HA! - I prefer you laugh at me to my face! That would be impolite.
ga070419 -- Wow. - That's a big bowlof dip. - Chip coming through!
ga070420 -- - I enjoy pretendig to read. - It's important that we all keep up the illusion of being well-informed!
ga070421 -- The more you learn... - ...the more you... ...um... - ...learn. Thank you, Professor Redundant.
ga070422 -- - BOOT! - WOOMP! - BWONK! - THOOMP! - * BLOOONG - You should be more active. I don't think Odie could take it.
ga070423 -- This is my interpreter. - This way you'll be able to understand what I'm saying! - Meow Squeak What is going on here?
ga070424 -- - - Why did a mouse just hug me? I gave him your lunch.
ga070425 -- - - Garfield... 5.9 Too high of a score?
ga070426 -- - - Isn't that sideways? Let's just say I'm not happy with my contractor.
ga070427 -- What happened to all the cheese puffs? - - Okay, Skinny, let's see your fingers.
ga070428 -- Let go! Let go! - - Aha! I've got you now!
ga070429 -- - - - stomp stomp - BOING BOING - Keep Off Grass Talk about an open invitation!
ga070430 -- If my life were any more exciting, I'd need a stunt double. - That was a JOKE, Garfield. - I'm not Garfield, I'm his stunt double.
ga070501 -- Everything Liz does is cute. - Like the way her nose wrinkles when she yawns... - I love that. And I'm sure you get to see it a lot when she's with you.
ga070502 -- Sigh...love is just so great... - I love love. - Where are you going? Outside. This hairball's gonna be a whopper.
ga070503 -- I just got my shirt back from the cleaners and it's kinda snug. It has a name tag. - Hey, wait a minute... - This isn't my shirt! Really, "Brenda"?
ga070504 -- Jon says eating should be fun. - Tonight's meal is entitled "The Joy of Corn". - Ha, ha, ha, wheeeeee...
ga070505 -- Garfield, I'm feeling kinda down. - I could use a hug... - No hug? How a sympathetic glance?
ga070506 -- beware of Dog - - - doinga doinga doinga - -
ga070507 -- I wanted to wear something nice on my date tonight, Garfield... - So I dug out my old high school prom tux! - How did THIS ever go out of style? Your shirt looks like it's eating you.
ga070508 -- Hi, Liz! Ready to go? Jon! Um... - Like the suit? You wouldn't believe the looks I've been getting! I...ah... - Just like that one!
ga070509 -- Table for two, please. - YAAAAAAHH!! - MY EYES!! MY EYES!! It's the shirt, isn't it?
ga070510 -- Good evening. My name is Armando, and I will be your waiter tonig- - AYE, YI-YI, LOOK AT THAT SHIRT! - Any specials tonight, Armando? EVIL!! EVIL!! Jon, button your coat.
ga070511 -- Sorry to bother you, sir, but I'm the manager, and we've had some silly complaints about your shir- - OH MY GOSH, IT'S *TRUE*! - LOOK AWAY, EVERYONE! SAVE YOURSELVES!! The flounder looks good.
ga070512 -- What am embarrassing date. Imagine that. - The restaurant confiscated my shirt. I bet that thing wouldn't even burn. - And this clip-on tie is killing me. He's such a slave to fashion.
ga070513 -- - * RIIIING - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK!! * RIIIING - * RIIIING BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - You're supposed to pick it up and ANSWER it, stupid! * RIIING - - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
ga070514 -- Liz wants to take me clothes shopping. The woman is a saint. - She calls me a "fashoin emergency" She's too kind. - Isn't that cute? I've heard your hangers weep.
ga070515 -- Burp - BURP! - That's right, kids. Always warm up.
ga070516 -- Nice fake smile. - Why, thank you! - Oops. I smiled for real.
ga070517 -- Garfield! - Did you do this? Sure did. - That's terrible! It'll look better once we frame it.
ga070518 -- Jon is cooking dinner. - - Relax, it's for Liz.
ga070519 -- I HAD planned to have some of that lasagna tonight. - BUT NO! YOU ATE THE ENTIRE THING! - You are so selfish! Okaaay, you may smell my breath.
ga070520 -- - - Hey, you brewed a new pot! - - sip - Want some? Nah. - Too weak for me.
ga070521 -- I saw a new coffee shop in town today. And I saw three flies on the ceiling. - It looked very hip. Jon no hip, kemo sabe. Jon no go there. - It's called "Xan's Cafe Caffeine". I'll start the car!
ga070522 -- Thank you for coosing "Xan's Cafe Caffeine." I'm Xan, and I'll be your barista. - Prepare yourself for a relaxing and spiritual awakening for the body and mind. How may I help you? - Um...two coffees, please. This is a joke, right.
ga070523 -- Geez, I didn't know coffee had so many different names now! - That counter guy looked at me like I was a total idiot... - Like that! Just like that!
ga070524 -- - - Sohowdoyou likeespresso?! Notbad, I reallythink Icouldlearn toloveit!
ga070525 -- This is great! - We should go out to coffee bars more often! Yeah... - We don't do nearly enough of this at home.
ga070526 -- This is a really nice place. I'm glad we came here. - Have you finished your coffe? Are you kidding me? - For six bucks a cup, I'm eating the CHAIR.
ga070527 -- - - - - - -
ga070528 -- Garfield! Help! - I'm stuck in the bathtub! - Let the air out of your inner tube ducky, you dork! I'm pruning up!!
ga070529 -- You lie around too much, Garfield. - What you need is exercise. - You can't mess with the laws of nature, baby.
ga070530 -- Ah, nature! - Heeey...wait a minute! - What's it doing in the living room?! I broke a window.
ga070531 -- I'm sorry I shredded your slacks. - Very sorry. - Those are some ugly legs!
ga070601 -- - - I wish someone would invite me to a costume party. NO! REALLY?!
ga070602 -- - You fell asleep in Mrs. Feeny's flowers again, did you? - Okay, who told?
ga070603 -- - - - - Hey! I was READING that! - Oh...sorry. -
ga070604 -- You've gained weight, Garfield. - Jon's right. - I gotta start eating leaner canaries.
ga070605 -- You are fat. - BURP - How about now?
ga070606 -- Fat, fat, fat! - FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT! - Two of those "fats" were out of line, fella!
ga070607 -- Being fat isn't so bad. - There's just more of me to go around... - ...and around, and around, and...
ga070608 -- Liz and I had a fun date last night. That's nice. - She talked on and on about you. She's a sweet lady. - And how you need to go on a diet. ...who should have her head shaved.
ga070609 -- BEWARE OF DOG - BEWARE of DOG - BEWARE OF CAT ON DIET
ga070610 -- Okay, I'll talk to you soon... - Bye, Liz...yeah...me, too... - You want me to WHAT?! - - Liz, I can't kiss the phone...my cat is watching. - Yeah, I know that sounds weird. - Just trust me on this. One time for the camera phone, come on!
ga070611 -- Liz thinks you should go on a diet. - And she says it's not just a weight issue...it's a health issue. - So is STARVING!
ga070612 -- What's with that weird look? - Are you obsessing about food again? No... - I just never realized how much your head looks like a turkey leg. You're creeping me out.
ga070613 -- I'm so hungry... - I'm hallucinating... - That ain't right.
ga070614 -- Hey, cat...how's it going? I'm starving! - Sorry to hear that. - Diet's starting to get to you, huh? EAT ME
ga070615 -- Jon told me this diet has been pretty hard on you. - I just wanted to stop by and offer my moral support. - Where's my purse? I ate it.
ga070616 -- Wow! ...I guess all that hard work paid off! - This is the best you've EVER done on a diet! Thank you. - Only gained a pound!
ga070617 -- SNORE - SNORE - SNOOORE - SNOOOOOORE - SNOOOR- - - My mouth tastes like a dirty pair of rolled-up socks this morning. Imagine that.
ga070618 -- You know, Garfield... - You're the best cat in the whole world! Why, thank you, Jon. - That had better not be my birthday present!
ga070619 -- Oh, you guys! ...how did you know? - I just got the best birthday present of all! - I'M OFF MY DIET!! 29
ga070620 -- What's in your mouth? - - Okay, what's NOT in your mouth? Raisins.
ga070621 -- This bed is FULL of cookie crumbs! - - Is that a pillowcase full of milk? It is.
ga070622 -- Nice work if you can get it. - - Sorry, not hiring.
ga070623 -- I need someone to tell my troubles to. - And you ain't it. - Works every time.
ga070624 -- - buzzzzzzzz - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK !!! - RRRRRRR - - buzzzzzzzz - Who are you calling? Your dumb dog.
ga070625 -- I have a lot of pent-up energy... - - ...in a box around here somewhere.
ga070626 -- I think this is it, Garfield... - I think love finally found me! Love didn't find you. - It's just too winded to run anymore.
ga070627 -- Man, do I LOVE lazy summer days. - And lazy autumn days, and lazy winter days, and lazy spring days... - Heck, I just love lazy.
ga070628 -- So, Garfield, what do you think of Liz? Is she a KEEPER? - Well, she's funnier, better looking, and a better cook than you... - She's a keeper. You on the other hand...
ga070629 -- Garfield, I feel down. - Let's take a moment to think happy thoughts! - Did you say happy or stupid?
ga070630 -- I need guidance. - You're lazy. - I need guidance on where to get a long stick so I can hit Jon without getting up.
ga070701 -- sigh... - Pooky, you're my best friend. - You're always there for me. - You give me hugs when I need them. - And you never tell me to go on a diet. - I can't imagine a day without you! - Now, more over, you're hogging the bed.
ga070702 -- BEWARE OF KARAOKE DOG - * FEEEE-LINGS - That sign's not big enough.
ga070703 -- BEWARE OF SUCK-UP DOG - - Aren't they all?
ga070704 -- BEWARE OF DOG - HELP WANTED - INQUIRE WITHIN
ga070705 -- Your Face Licked 5c - - Your Face NOT Licked $5.00
ga070706 -- - - BEWARE OF PUPPY
ga070707 -- BEWARE OF FARSIGHTED DOG - -
ga070708 -- * - * - - - - BURP - May I have your order?
ga070709 -- - Wow... - I can hear my stomach roaring.
ga070710 -- Hi, I'd like to request a song. - It's called "Polka in my Veins, Sauerkraut in my Lederhosen". - I thought morning deejays were supposed to be zany. I'm sure he meant "you sick freak" in the zaniest possible way.
ga070711 -- Well, Pooky, now that Liz is around, Jon hardly even notices me... - At least WE'LL never let a woman come betwee- - Rats.
ga070712 -- Hard day. - Whew. - My taste buds are exhausted!
ga070713 -- Finally, some time to be alone... - ...I said ALONE. - Can't you take a hint, lady? poke
ga070714 -- - I'm back! - Did you miss me? Yes, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
ga070715 -- - - - GET OFF MY NEWSPAPER!! - You know, all you had to do was ask. - There's no need to loose your temper. -
ga070716 -- I'm sending Liz an E-Mail...anything you'd like to add? - tic tic - :( Okay, you're jealous, aren't you?
ga070717 -- Liz, I think Garfield's jealous of you. - You're talking to THAT woman again, aren't you? - Liz, I know Garfield's jealous of you.
ga070718 -- Liz, Garfield's still jealous of you, and it's become WORSE... - He won't eat a thing! - I'll be right over.
ga070719 -- Liz! I came over to speak to a lealous cat. - Hello, Garfield. Oh... - It's you.
ga070720 -- Garfield, we need to talk about your jealousy issue... - Wht can I say to make you feel better? - "I brought kitty treats" would be a good start.
ga070721 -- Garfield, just because Jon and I care for each other... - -doesn't mean we don't care about YOU... - You AND Odie. Scram, this is my jealous tantrum.
ga070722 -- - Odie, do you like Liz? - - I mean, Jon really seems to like her a LOT...do you like her a lot? - - - And do you like boiled pig snouts with cabbage in mystery gravy?
ga070723 -- I don't want you to be jealous og me, Garfield. - Don't you think it's possible for you and me to share Jon? Well...okay. - You take the half that kisses, and I'll take the half that feeds.
ga070724 -- Garfield and I talked, Jon. We're friends now! - I KNEW you two would work it out! We should celebrate! Let's order pizza! - GROUP HUG!!!
ga070725 -- Aw, COME ON, now!! - Herewegoherewego herewegoherewego... - OH, FOR THE LOVE OF Putting practice.
ga070726 -- Garfield, I'm locked out of the house again. - In my cowboy jammies. - And there's a TV news crew setting up on the lawn. Must be a slooooow news day.
ga070727 -- Great! My back went out! - I can't move at all! Really? - That last pudding cup is MINE, mister!!
ga070728 -- - Uh-oh. - I've forgotten what I'm on hold for. We refer to this as a "senior moment".
ga070729 -- - - Get out of my pool! - - - -
ga070730 -- ah-AH-AH - AH CHOO - Gesundheit.
ga070731 -- My life is empty. - *BAT* - Oh, that's your answer to everything, is it?
ga070801 -- SMACK! - Fore! -
ga070802 -- Well? Well, what? - You don't notice anything different about me? Give me a hint. - WAAH! Oh, great. A ball of yarn having an identity crisis.
ga070803 -- Let's do something. - bat - That was fun. Now let's do something *I* want to do.
ga070804 -- bat Whee! - - What have you been doing? Nothing! I swear!
ga070805 -- - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - - snatch - HA-HAA! - - lick lick lick lick
ga070806 -- Monday... - SPLAT! - Class dismissed.
ga070807 -- Dog News - Whoa... - You guys will sniff pretty much anything, won't you?
ga070808 -- I guess I'll just have to face facts... - I may never reach my full potential. - And just WHY is that funny?
ga070809 -- How do you do? - Very well, thank you. - Polite AND tasty.
ga070810 -- I'm afraid there's been no word from the governor, Rocky...looks like this is it. - What do you want for your last meal? Gimme a cheeseburger. - And would you like that (hee hee) for here or to (snort) go? Rocky's not smiling.
ga070811 -- - Sigh... - I hope this isn't one of those moments we'll always remember.
ga070812 -- - I think I'll change again and go for another dip in our kiddie pool. - YEEE!!! - WOOOOOO WOO WOO WOO WOO - HEE_HOO HEE-HOO HEE-HOO - YAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA - You've gotta love the "cold, wet swim trunks dance". YEE! YEE! HOOOOO HAAAH!! HUBERT,
ga070812 -- CALL A COP!!
ga070813 -- A simple roll of duct tape can be used to remove unwanted cat hair. - - ...from clothing and furniture. And what's with THAT look?
ga070814 -- - - All right, hand it over. What duct tape?
ga070815 -- Friday night? ...your treat? ...that sounds great! - Wow! LIZ asked ME out on a date! - Is that allowed? Better check the rule book.
ga070816 -- I want to smell good for my date with Liz... "Midnight Mama's Boy". - Which cologne should I use? "Polyester Passion". - How about "Eau de Slide Rule"? Why don't you just roll in something with Odie?
ga070817 -- Hi, Liz! So what's the plan? I thought we'd go for some italian food... - And then visit the aquarium. - This is MY date, Garfield. You get your own girl.
ga070818 -- How's your pasta, Liz? - Delicious. How's yours? - I have no idea.
ga070819 -- - Garfield, we haven't even ordered yet... - Don't fill up on bread! - - - What?! - Garfield? Fill up? Good point. Keep 'em coming!
ga070820 -- Three tickets for the aquarium, please. I'm sorry, ma'am... - But you'll have to leave that outside. - Hand over the harpoon, Garfield. Party pooper.
ga070821 -- I can't see the fish. This is a very rare species. - They can be pretty shy. - It's probably hiding.
ga070822 -- I'm sorry about your date tonight, Liz. It was different. - I've never seen a restaurant run out of food before. That happens to us all the time. - And I've never been thrown out of an aquarium. That too.
ga070823 -- Don't feel bad about the date Jon...I had a great time. - So did I. BURP - And so did Garfield. Kiss her, stupid, before the moment passes.
ga070824 -- Garfield, I can't get out of this hammock! - - -and I'm LOVING it! Atta boy.
ga070825 -- - HAAAACK - You're gonna need some traffic cones for that one.
ga070826 -- Hmmm... - What kind of dog ARE you anyway, Odie? - Bulldog?... - Pointer?... - Sheep doog?... - Basset houn. - Ah, here you are...purebred clown. * honk honk
ga070827 -- I finally found a way to keep cool, Garfield. - I put a frozen chicken down my pants! - It won't thaw for hours! I won't be here when it does.
ga070828 -- I can't stand this hot weather anymore! - - Garfield, are you sitting in the ice cream again? It's okay! It's just the rum raisin!
ga070829 -- It's so hot. - Ice cube shirt! - Could Jon be getting smarter?
ga070830 -- Fishing isn't that hard. - Just rear back and flick it. - Then scream till help comes.
ga070831 -- LIFEGUARD!!! - I'M STANDING IN SEAWEED!! - Let's go home now. I hear that stuff's good for your complexion.
ga070901 -- I love a deserted beach, Garfield. - No crowds... - No hassles. No one to make him eat sand.
ga070902 -- XAN'S Cafe Caffeine - You know, this coffee bar is a nice place. - Very cosmopolitan...a really hip clientele... - And these cafe lattes are pretty darn good. - SLURP - I don't know why we don't go out more often. I do.
ga070903 -- I've gotta admit... - That moosehead towel rack looks GREAT in the bathroom. - Really goes well with the snakeskin shower curtain. We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga070904 -- - Awwwww... Iz da widdle kitty hungwee? - Reckon so.
ga070905 -- Moring. Morning. - - I think the toaster has a short. So now all of a sudden you're an electrician?
ga070906 -- Look at those cute squirrels in the driveway. - I wonder what they're doing? - Looks like they're hocking your hubcaps for pistachios. HEY!
ga070907 -- Boy, the meat counter was practically sold out! - I was lucky to get anything at all. - So how do you like your yak rump? There ain't enough ketchup in the world.
ga070908 -- Check it out... - New oven mitts! - I'm gonna go broil something! Nothing good can possibly come of this.
ga070909 -- bip bip beep boop - Hi, Liz, wanna catch a movie? - "Martian Body Count" opened this week! - It's the prequel to "Doctor Decimator Atomizes Mars". - See, they're all part of a trilogy...the first one was "MArs Rising: Birth of the Dismember
ga070909 -- Monster". - O.K.! Great! - We're seeing "Desire Among the Daffodils". Sounds violent.
ga070910 -- Come down here and I'll swat you. Come up here, bozo! - You're on! - What are you doing? Don't ask.
ga070911 -- clomp clomp clomp clomp Oh, no! - CLOMP! CLOMP! AAAHHH! - And you just HAD to buy him boots for his birthday. What was I thinking?
ga070912 -- Are you doing anything right now? - SWAT - Oh, just swatting spiders. I'll come back later when you're not so busy.
ga070913 -- It's creepy around here. - It's the spiders. SMACK! - If I were alive, I would take offense at that.
ga070914 -- * RIIING - It's for you. - I TOLD you never to call me here!
ga070915 -- SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! - he heh he - I just saw a spider in a hard hat. And I'm gonna need a bigger newspaper.
ga070916 -- - - - - click -
ga070917 -- I'm taking Liz to the ballet. She really wants to go. - - I'm in deep, aren't I? Right up to the gills, arabesque boy.
ga070918 -- So long, boys...be good tonight. Have a nice taime at the ballet! - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! -
ga070919 -- Garfield was teasing me about going to the ballet. Why? - I think only a REAL man would be comforatble enought to bring me here. - GO, SWANS!
ga070920 -- How was *I* to know the ballet was so stuffy?! - And what's WRONG with a little audience participation, anyway?! - Only Jon would take a dick call to "Swan Lake". Stupid usher!
ga070921 -- - Yes, I KNOW it's almost dinnertime! - And bring my watch back!
ga070922 -- Aloha! - I thought I'd go with a luau theme tonight. - Although the grass skirt is kind of itchy. What you can't see can't yourt you.
ga070923 -- - Hey! That squirrel is stealing seeds from our bird feeder again! - SLAM! - SHOO! SHO, YOU STUPID SQUIRREL! - SLAM! - - Hey! Where's my hamburger?
ga070924 -- Here's my pig and me at the county fair. - And here's my date and me at the junior prom. Whoa! - So the pig turned you down?
ga070925 -- Here's Doc Boy and me back on the farm. - We were very close. - You know how brothers are. Yeah, but sharing a pair of overalls?
ga070926 -- My uncle Roy was very wise. - One day he took me aside and said, "Son..." - "Don't put your head under the tractor". If only Jon had listened.
ga070927 -- Ready for my family reunion, Garfield? - Just ignore my uncle Bill. - He'll want you to wear his teeth. Shoot me.
ga070928 -- A smile is like sunshine... Just like my uncle Leo. - A ray of joy... He always had a smile. - To share with the world. Till that little incident with the denture weevils.
ga070929 -- There's Mr. Greiwe, washing his car... - There's old Man Barnard, cleaning his gutters... - And there's Mrs. Feeny, stringing barbed wire around her yard. I tihnk the woman secretly loves me.
ga070930 -- - - - - - Z -
ga071001 -- - - Z
ga071002 -- Garfield's daydreaming. - SNORE - Like a log.
ga071003 -- BEWARE OF DOG - Odie, the sign refers to you. - Grr
ga071004 -- - - Syrup? Make me pancakes or I'll hose you.
ga071005 -- Cookies - - CAT HAIR IN THE COOKIE JAR! ...cookies in the cat!
ga071006 -- Cookie - BURP - GARFIELD! - Nobody here but us crumbs.
ga071007 -- That was good. - Let's see what your fortune cookie says... crack - "You are kind loving, creative, and origina. Good things are being said about you..." - "...sunshine, happiness, great success, and true love all await you in the near
ga071007 -- future..." - "...you are wonderful beyond measure, and everyone treasures you dearly". - Kind of flowery, but not bad. Now let's see what MINE says... crack - "It stinks to be you". I like mine better.
ga071008 -- - Hey, Liz. - Nice legs. If you're a piano.
ga071009 -- A new bakery just opened near my house. - I think Garfield is noticing. - You smell like cinnamon rolls, my dear.
ga071010 -- I really like Jon. - Ah, I see... - How many fingers am I holding up? Do you get a lot of headaches?
ga071011 -- You know what's fun? - What? Chewing bubble gum! - Is that more fun than kissing? Who said that?!
ga071012 -- Liz, is my tie on straight? - It leans a little right. - How about now?
ga071013 -- Polly wants a cracker. - - Here you go, Polly.
ga071014 -- - Why do cats climb trees? - Is it instinct? - Because we enjoy the view? - For the exercise? - TUNA ^ - Or is it because we're gullible?
ga071015 -- * RIIING - For a free lifetine supply of lasagna, press one. - Who is it? Nuts. It IS a dream.
ga071016 -- - SMACK - Tah-daaaaahh!
ga071017 -- The weather is starting to turn cooler. - You know what that means. - You're going to notice that window I broke?
ga071018 -- We need to do something exciting. Right. On three... one...two...three. -
ga071019 -- Odie has written a novel! - psss psss psss - Excuse me. Odie has EATEN a novel.
ga071020 -- AWRK! - THUD! - I think my back went out. Make that face again.
ga071021 -- - - - - FWAP Missed one.
ga071022 -- Look, Dave...what a creepy old house. Wow, Ann, you're right. - It looks like it might be haunted by a homicidal psychopath... - Well, let's go in! - O.K.! Ann and Dave, we hardly knew ye.
ga071023 -- The storm appears to have washed out the road...you'll have to stay the night. - My manservant, Troglo, will show you your tombs. - Um,I mean, rooms. I wouldn't eat the mints on the pillows!
ga071024 -- So nice of you to join me for the dinner, my dear. - Why, thank you for having me, Mr. Count. Not at all. Please pass your neck. - Beg pardon? The plot thickens...
ga071025 -- Hold very still, Bernice! Maybe the monster won't see you! Okay, Trevor. - Trevor? ...TREVOR?! - EEEEK! GULP! Trevor's halfway to Hong Kong by now, Bernice.
ga071026 -- I am a haunted hamburger! - Oh, no! - I ordered french fries with my haunted hamburger!
ga071027 -- Throw the switch, Igor! ...give my monster life!! ZZT - Hello. Have you really given careful thought to your long-term insurance needs? - I have a policy here that I think you'd love. SHUT IT OFF! SHUT IT OFF! I can't look.
ga071028 -- - I love this movie. Me too. - This part always makes me cry... Awww...girls are so sensitive. - I'm sorry. I can't help it...it's *sniff* so sad... - There, there...let it out. - Um, will you excude me for a minute? - * HONK honk honk honk
ga071028 -- honnnnk sniff...sniff...sniff - Feel better now? Smooth save, Senor Macho.
ga071029 -- I...I think that monster just ate Phyllis. Are you sure? - BURRRRP - Yup, I'd recognize that perfumen anywhere. Eau de Entree.
ga071030 -- The sun is coming up... - I watched monster movies all night! - Morning. YAAAHHH
ga071031 -- Shall we toast marshmallows and tell ghost stories? - I ate all the marshmallows. - And there's no such things as ghosts. Hey! Who ate all the marshmallows?
ga071101 -- Odie is very loyal. - - And I'm not sure if that's good or bad.
ga071102 -- Well, Garfield, the laundry is done! - Every article of clothing ironed, folded, and put away. - Sigh... His life is over.
ga071103 -- Why so gloomy, Jon? The world is full of wonderful things! - Like my tuna breath! - And nice comfortable floors!
ga071104 -- bip bip boop boop bip - We'd like an extra-large pizza with extra-thick crust... - Extra sauce, extra cheese, extra pepperoni... - Extra olives, extra onions, extra green peppers, extra hot peppers... - Extra sausage, extra ground beef, extra
ga071104 -- anchovies, and more extra cheese... And that's it. - Oh, and two diet colas. With extra ice!
ga071105 -- Nobody tells me what to do! thump thump - - And I wish they wouls! I have no idea what I'm doing! That's okay, Jon. Nobody does.
ga071106 -- - - Is it any wonder why there's no room in his head for a brain?
ga071107 -- I'm cutting down on donuts. - - We're out of donuts. I am painfully aware of that.
ga071108 -- Cricket in the house! - Crick- Z - I'll give you a dollar to jump into Jon's mouth. Z
ga071109 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - On a scale of one to ten, I give it a seven? - Oh, come on! I've seen you more crazed, and you didn't do that bloodshot-eyeballs thing.
ga071110 -- - YAWN - Momma would be proud to know she raised a trivet.
ga071111 -- - Well, this is where it all happens, Mikey! - And this is my colleague, Mr. Cat! - Is he the one you call "fatso", dad? Yeah, well...uh...that's just a little joke between us... - So, ready to see your man in action?! Yeah! - BAT BAT - Okay,
ga071111 -- what's with the tiny beanie? It's "take-your-son-to-work" day.
ga071112 -- Beware of the Dog You're not a dog. Yes, I am. Like bow wow. - You're not a dog. Okay! So the dog took a personal day. I'm a temp. - You're a snake. Dude! I have a wife and 35 kids to support!
ga071113 -- Instead of barking at you... - I would like to do an interpretive dance... - Demonstrating my feelings toward our relationship. That explains the pekingese with the piccolo.
ga071114 -- Check this out... - BARK - Pretty cool, huh? Well, if you think loud noises are "cool".
ga071115 -- Would you like to hear some barking? What else you got? - I can woof! Let's go with that, and can you do a time step? - Woof, woof, woof, woof! My kingdom for a video camera.
ga071116 -- - Will Grovel for Table Scraps - I'm just doing this until I sell my screenplay. Riiight.
ga071117 -- You poor dog. How can you stand being chained up all day? - People wait on me hand and foot, I get three big meals a day, and allI do is sleep. - Woof
ga071118 -- - - Ready, Odie? Urf - Okay...1-2-3-go! - -
ga071119 -- Everybody likes me! - - He must not have received the memo.
ga071120 -- I thought you were taking Odie for a walk. - I am. - I have a three-mile leash.
ga071121 -- I think I'll order a burger. How about yo- - GARFIELD! Get over here! - You're steaming up the windoes in the pie case! My place...midnight...I'll bring the ice cream.
ga071122 -- Whipped cream! - PSSSSHHHHHH - Make a pie!
ga071123 -- Hey, Garfield, it's the fourth friday in november, and you know what that is! What? - Wait right there! - Candy Cane Karaoke Night! And for this I wore heels.
ga071124 -- Here I sit. - Instead of sitting there. - Life holds too many choices!
ga071125 -- - - - - - - NONE of there will work for our Christmas card! I know. You're not smiling in any of them.
ga071126 -- This is my new air freshener. - pssssst It smells like Christmas cookie baking. - I think I'm getting the hint here. Isn't he the clever one?
ga071127 -- It's the greatest time of year! - When Jon gives me presents... - Instead of me just taking his stuff.
ga071128 -- So what do YOU want for Christmas? - zwip - Most people circle things in catalogs. Garfield tabs things in cookbooks.
ga071129 -- You have to behave around Christmas. - Santa might be watching. - Or one of his spies.
ga071130 -- Fa-la-la-fa-la! - PLOOEY! - I fa'd when I should have ls'd.
ga071201 -- It's a Christmas card from Mrs. Feeny. - - With a little hand-lettered restraining order inside. Nice calligraphy.
ga071202 -- - Christmas List - 1. for Garfield: - - - - floss.
ga071203 -- - -
ga071204 -- Well, it took all day... - But I finally got that tree to stand up straight! - Nailing it to the wall doesn't count!
ga071205 -- - SLURP -
ga071206 -- I visited spider Claus at the mall today! - - I wonder which knee he sat on.
ga071207 -- - -
ga071208 -- - - eeeeeeeeeyaaaaaahhhhhhhh
ga071209 -- - - - - - -
ga071210 -- I'm going to the mall to find a Christmas present for Liz. - Want to come? Sure. - Remember, no elf slapping. If you wear green tights, you take your chances!
ga071211 -- Mall Map Okay, we're on the first floor, right next to the smoothie stand... - And the jewelry store is on the second floor... - And the escalator is right over there. Here's your wallet back.
ga071212 -- I'm looking for a gift for my girlfriend. How about perfume? - I'm sure she'd love this one... It smells like an acre of wet dogs. - It's the one I'M wearing. And I LOVE the smell of wet dogs! Quit now, while you're behind.
ga071213 -- - - GET DOWN HERE! I can see your bald spot!
ga071214 -- We've looked all over this mall, and I STILL haven't found Liz a present! - - Are you enjoying the food court? I want to live here forever!
ga071215 -- Mall Parking Do you remember where we parked the car? No. - - Maybe we should look for it. YOU THINK?!
ga071216 -- click - BUY THESE! - TAKE THEM HOME AND STUFF 'EM IN YOUR MOUTH!! - CHEW THEM! SWALLOW THEM!! - So BUY THEM! - And EAT them! EAT them!! EAT THEM!!! - Oh, PULEEEEZE BUY THEM!!! Ed's International House of Fruitcakes.
ga071217 -- Welcome to "Santa's Wonderland." The line forms right over ther- - EEEEEK! - I assume that elf has met you before. Briefly.
ga071218 -- Happy holidays, son. Things are fine here on the farm... - Doc Boy got kicked in the head by a cow last week, but we were lucky... - Bessie's hoof is healing nicely. Will those cows ever learn?
ga071219 -- Liz's Christmas card arrived! Let's see! - It's personal. Personal?! - I'M the one whose temerature she takes!
ga071220 -- I got a Christmas card from Dog Boy! - "Merry Christmas, you late-chuggin', tofu-huggin', cable TV-watchin', indoor-plumbin', touchy-feely, sissified-crybaby city boy". - I miss him. Me too...just like I miss tail mange.
ga071221 -- So you'll come? ...great! - Liz is spending Christmas day with us! Liz AND her holiday fudge?! - You're drooling. Tears of joy, drool of joy-same thing, different duct.
ga071222 -- I bought your present today. - ANd it's well hidden... - So just forget about finding it, pal!
ga071223 -- - - - - - What are you doing, Garfield? - I'm practicing my you-got-me-THAT-for-Christmas?! face.
ga071224 -- You two had better get to bed. OH; no...this year we catch Santa in the ACT! - - Z Z I love tradition.
ga071225 -- Oh, Jon...a charm bracelt! How darling! - See? There's a little cat charm and a little dog charm... - Where's yours? That's the rose. They were fresh out of dork charms.
ga071226 -- - Christmas is over.
ga071227 -- Liz and I are going out for new year's, so I got you two another pet sitter. - - She's not to be harmed. Such a naive little man.
ga071228 -- You must be the pet sitter! I am Greta. - You look like you work out. I do. A lot. - Pleased to meet you. Dibs on under the couch.
ga071229 -- ...and there's my cell phone number. I will commit it tom memory. - Call me if there's any problem... I do not anticipate any breaches in discipline. - And, uh, there's onion dip in the fridge. Order must and shall be maintained at any and
ga071229 --  all costs. We are toast.
ga071230 -- ** - I'm glad you and I could spend new year's eve together, Liz. Me too, Jon...this is wonderful. - No, it's more than wonderful...with you here, it's perfect. - beedle beedle beedle - Should I wanswer that? Answer what? beedle beedle beedle
ga071230 -- - beedle beedle beedle  beedle beedle beedle  beedle beedle beedle  beedle beedle beedle  beedle beedle beedle  beedle beedle beedle - I got voice mail! They're kissing!
ga071231 -- FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO...ONE... - HAPPY NEW YEAR!! - You want a new year's kiss? That's animal abuse, lady.
ga080101 -- Okay, so maybe Greta didn't work out as a pet sitter...I'm sorry. - - How'd she bend the couch, anyway? Doing a clean and jerk with it.
ga080102 -- That'll be pizza. I'll get it. ** DING-DONG - Wait! I haven't paid you! MAIL IT! - I assume this has something to do with you. Some people just can't handle customer appreciation.
ga080103 -- THAT'S a stupid-looking snowman! - No, it isn't... - NOW it it.
ga080104 -- Still got the winter blahs, I see. - I could play you a little song... - -if I knew where you hid my accordion! You'r ejust trying to make me feel better.
ga080105 -- I've done things in my life that I regret, Garfield. - And I've dome things that I regret... - But mainly I've done things YOU regret.
ga080106 -- - - - crank - MMMMMMMMMMMMM - * kiss * kiss - Is it wrong to love a furnace? I'd rather be warm than right.
ga080107 -- According to this book, cats like to be- - ZIP - Left alone.
ga080108 -- - Jon is in deep thought. - How come you can't taste your tongue? Relatively speaking.
ga080109 -- I'm bored. - Are you bored? - No, but keep talking...I'm getting there.
ga080110 -- I'm bored, Garfield. - I hate these pregnant pauses... - Maybe I'll buy a monkey! Bingo!
ga080111 -- Is this grape juice stain noticeable? - Barely... - From outer space!
ga080112 -- Ow! - Did you do that?! Nope. - You kicked me! If you didn't see it, it didn't happen.
ga080113 -- Culthbert...oh, Culthbert... - Culthbert, there's something I must tell you... Yes, Philomena, my dear? - I...I am in love with anoter...it's Thaddeus. Thaddeus Ramsbottom? - Yes... Might I remind you, Mrs. Aphat, that your maiden name is
ga080113 -- Scott. - So? So, if you marry Thaddeus, your name will become...Philomena Scott-Aphat-Ramsbottom. - - I think I'll stay... That's my chubby bunny! Vanity triumphs over love once again.
ga080114 -- Out of my way, fat boy! - THUD - Did you just walk into my mirror? I have no idea what you're talking about.
ga080115 -- You look fat. I look what? - I LOOK fat? - So this is some kind of optical illusion?
ga080116 -- Garfield, why are you so fat? - I have a theory... - I suspect my stomach is plotting to take over the world.
ga080117 -- Good morning, sir. So happy to see you. - My, you are a stout young man. - Actually, more of a big lard boy! I knew it wouldn't last.
ga080118 -- You farmers are the salt of the earth. - Working sunup to sundown... - Yessiree, that's a fine crop of chins you got there. You die.
ga080119 -- You're fat. - I'm big boned! Well I say you're fat! - AM NOT! AM NOT! He can dish it out, but he sure can't take it!
ga080120 -- - A-HEM - Don't you boys have something ELSE you can do? - - - People Kissing 5 c 4 Peek
ga080121 -- You need to lose weight. Correction... - I SHOULD lose weight. - I NEED cookies.
ga080122 -- Dieting is all in the mind, Garfield. - Just try not to think about food. - AND STOP LICKING ME!!
ga080123 -- In other news... click - * John... * Marsha... click - Heeeey, kids! This diet's gotta go.
ga080124 -- Would you like some fresh ground pepper on your lettuce leaf? - GRIND GRIND GRIND GRIND -
ga080125 -- Liz, I think Garfield is cheating on his diet. - Yeah, I'm pretty sure. - The refrigerator is missing. I'll never go hungry again!
ga080126 -- Time to see how much you lost, Garfield...hop on the scale. One sec. - - Uh... Just shut up and weigh, okay?
ga080127 -- - - zzf zzf zzf zzf - zzf zzf zzf zzf zzf - - - zzf zzf zzf
ga080128 -- It's cold in here. - You left the door open! - One subject at a time, list boy.
ga080129 -- You've been lying like that for hours... - Don't you ever worry about pigeons? - I laugh at danger.
ga080130 -- The whole world is against me! - - I don't need any help, thank you.
ga080131 -- This day is getting better. - - ...because I had the worst MORING of my life! Yeah, I usually don't get up that early.
ga080201 -- I've decided to change my attitude toward mornings, Garfield. - My new motto is "mornings happen!" - What do you think? How about "evil things happen to morning people"?
ga080202 -- I could tell you a thing or two about what's wrong with you. - Or three or four, or five, or six, or seven, or eight... - ...or nine, or ten, or... JUST GET ON WITH IT, OKAY?!
ga080203 -- - - - SMACK - - - Marry her.
ga080204 -- - ! - digga digga digga
ga080205 -- You're my best friend in the whole world! - SMACK! - Have you noticed how cruel thw world is? I'm picking up on that...
ga080206 -- To be, or not to be... - SMACK! - Not.
ga080207 -- Any last words? - I know where there's fudge! - He's good.
ga080208 -- - - I'm touching youuu...I'm not touching youuu... You're new here, aren't you?
ga080209 -- - FOOH -
ga080210 -- Guess what? - Liz is coming over on Valentine's Day! - She's renting a chick flick on the way over... - I'll make hot cocoa, and we'll watch it here on the couch... - And share a tub of ice cream and a box of tissues together. - - What are
ga080210 -- you doing? Waving bye-bye to your manhood.
ga080211 -- What would you like for Valentine's Day, Liz? - REally? - She'd like me. See, this is how those big nasty hairballs start.
ga080212 -- I'm looking through a veterinary supply catalog for a Valentine's Day gift for Liz. - Hmmm... - Think she'd appreciate an electric probe warmer? I know I would.
ga080213 -- I was going to make Liz a Valentine's Day card... - But I can't cut out a paper heart to save my life! - Maybe I could substitute another organ. "I love you with all my spleen".
ga080214 -- Happy Valentine's Day, Jon. Happy Valentine's Day, Liz. - -
ga080215 -- What did you get your wife for Valentine's Day, Hank? A bouquet of dead gnats. - Wow, that must have cost you plenty! Yeah, it did. - It cost me an arm and a leg, and a leg, and a leg, and a...
ga080216 -- If you work hard, you can achieve success. - - And while you're doing that, I can raid your refrigerator!
ga080217 -- Greetings! - I'm the big fat onion slice you ate on your hamburger last night... - -and I'm conducting a customer opinion survey. Would you say my service was satisfactory? You gave me GAS. - In the future, would you recommend me to a friend?
ga080217 -- To an enemy, maybe... - And would you ever choose to eat me again? - Well? - WHOOOOOO Open a window.
ga080218 -- Penny for your thoughts. - Garfield, I was thinking...if our ears were in our armpits... - Would we have to raise our arms to hear people talk? A dollar for not thinking.
ga080219 -- Did a lube job and oil change, and took her for a test spin. - She's all set! - We have the best-maintained can opener on the block.
ga080220 -- What's that smell? - I have no idea. - But if you'd like, I could ask my friend, Mr. Seven-Month-Old-Head-Of-Cabbage.
ga080221 -- Z - THUD - Z Hmmm, I prefer to lie down and THEN go to sleep.
ga080222 -- Some people are lucky. - Dinner is going to be a little late. - And some people are Jon.
ga080223 -- The Brave Cat ventures forth into unchartered territory! - Did you come to help me sort my socks? - Aaaand back to chartered territory.
ga080224 -- - AAAAAGGHHH! - I don't believe it! - I spent all morning composing a passionate, tender love sonnet to Liz... - -AND THEN MY STUPID COMPUTER CRASHED!! - * - You didn't crash, did you? Even the Internet has its standards.
ga080225 -- Eek! A cat! - And don't you forget it! - Eek! A lamp! Sigh
ga080226 -- I * Mice - - Why are you wearing that? I was cold.
ga080227 -- - Yee-ha! - How come WE don't have a mechanical bull?
ga080228 -- - When I retire, I'd like to build a little cabin up here. - Garfield... Don't look at me. I suggested the beach.
ga080229 -- - There's a train coming! - *
ga080301 -- So, what's it like being a cat? - I wouldn't know... - I've never been awake long enough to find out.
ga080302 -- XAN'S Cafe Caffeine - - - - click click click click click click click - click click click Wow. click click click click - The bathrooms here have those neat hot-air hand dryers. I've never SEEN so many camera phones. click click click click
ga080302 -- click click click click click click click click click click click
ga080303 -- What are we going to do today? - Whoa... - I thought we were doing it.
ga080304 -- Look at me... - I'm doing nothing! - If you're good at it, you don't have to point it out.
ga080305 -- What was that? - I thought I heard something. Oh, that... - That was just the sound of my life force being sucked into a shrieking vortex of infinite boredom. There it is again.
ga080306 -- It feels good lying here, but I'm hungrym and there's a good show on TV... - What to do? - I don't NEED this much stress in my life!
ga080307 -- - Vacation time. -
ga080308 -- Z Z - Z Z - ZZ *
ga080309 -- - - - CRUNCH munch munch munch munch munch munch - Burp - - Great, googly MOOGLY, Gladys, we've got termites!
ga080310 -- I'm working on an ode to monday... - But I still haven't found anything that rhymes with... - PHHHHHHHHT
ga080311 -- You are so ungrateful. - You don't even appreciate the little chocolate mints I leave in your bed. Mints? - What mints?
ga080312 -- The archaeologist removes a thin layer of sediment... wisk wisk wisk - And oh, look... - A fossil. How'd you like an ancient curse, pal?
ga080313 -- I'm going running. - And I'll stay here and eat the donuts. - In this grand scheme, we have all our roles to play.
ga080314 -- Ah! A quiet evening at home! - BARK! BARK! BARK! MROWR! FFFT! FFFT! - Ah. A quiet evening behind the garage.
ga080315 -- I give up! - - You don't have to be doing anything to give up, right?
ga080316 -- Hel- - Sure, I'll hold. - - - - - My call is very important to them. And the check is in the mail, and this won't hurt a bit, and no, those pants don't make you look fat at all.
ga080317 -- Ahem - Meow - What did you say? Your guess is as good as mine.
ga080318 -- No animal is more graceful than a cat. - - You'll have to take my word for it.
ga080319 -- Wy cats don't play basketball: - POP S-S-S-S-S-S-S - Dribbling.
ga080320 -- Look, Garfield, a paper bag! Cats love to hide in them! - - Get in the bag! I knew this would turn ugly.
ga080321 -- They say cats have nine lives. gulp smack slurp smack - snork slup gulp snark - I imagine it just seems that way. Was that a shot?
ga080322 -- A cat's innate curiosity causes him to explore the world. - - Travel brochures.
ga080323 -- - - BOOT! - - - SLAP!
ga080324 -- Come on, Liz, I'm not THAT bad of a housekeeper. - Jon, there are COBWEBS in your dishwasher. - That's because there's still room in the SINK! The bathroom sink, anyway.
ga080325 -- Honestly, Jon, when was the last time you even vacuumed? - - What is this "vacuum" thing of which you speak?
ga080326 -- Come on, say it with me..."I need to clean my house". - Guh...bah..duhh... - I...need... Dhay..bwah...gwah.. In case you wondered why I never married...
ga080327 -- Maybe Liz is right. Maybe this place COULD use a good cleaning... - - And maybe chickens say "moo". We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga080328 -- I guess I'd better dust first. - How hard could THAT be? - PSHHHHHT M...Ma...Maids.
ga080329 -- Guess what, Liz? I cleaned the whole house by myself! - Yup...even dusted our pizza-box tower in the living room! - Hey, some folks would call those COLLECTIBLES! Beauty is in the eye of the bachelor.
ga080330 -- - * dingle dingle * - ZIP - - - - The eye bone's connected to the drool bone.
ga080331 -- It's a beautiful day! - Nature is calling! - Tell it I'm in a meeting and can't be reached.
ga080401 -- I think I'll go out and commune with nature. - SLAM SLAM - That was wast. A little nature goes a long way.
ga080402 -- What's with the can of purple paint? - Nature has way too much green on it. - RING That will be the neighborhood association.
ga080403 -- Nothing like a long walk in the woods, Garfield. - The trees, the ferns...more trees...more ferns... - We're lost, aren't we? I'm going to scream now.
ga080404 -- YAH! A giant cactus-like creature! - I'm sorry...I forget what you're called. Ed. - EEEEED!
ga080405 -- Look, Garfield! Deer! - Let's observe their natural behavior. - They're laughing. And they're pointing at your hat.
ga080406 -- - Ha! Ha! Ha! - - Yarf! Yarf! Yarf! - - - Is that a chicken or a moose? There's one in every family.
ga080407 -- HA! - I ate before you got here! - If that's not against the law, it should be.
ga080408 -- I'm just a regular guy. - Yep. - Just a regular guy. How many times are you going to insult regular guys?
ga080409 -- - * Oh, Garfieeeeeeeld! ** - When it's musical, it can't be anything good.
ga080410 -- - - Want to hear about my day? Is this going to be another one of your boring stories?
ga080411 -- The All-Cat Channel presents "How To Ignore Your Owner". - What are you watching? -
ga080412 -- Thanks for making my coffee, Garfield. You know it. clink - thlup - Id's uh widdle fwick. You know it. clink
ga080413 -- - - - - - EEEEYAHHHH -
ga080414 -- click click click click click click - click click click click click click - What's on? click click click Who cares?
ga080415 -- ...but Dolores! I can't live without you! - Yes, you can, Dirk! No, I...URK! - THUD Score one for Dirk.
ga080416 -- They say it couldn't be done - AYIEEEEEEEEEE SPLAT! - And they were right. That's a time-saver.
ga080417 -- Today's news is *very* depressing... - But not if I sing it! - Earthquake...tidal wave... I'd rather be depressed.
ga080418 -- Good evening... - And welcome to the All-Dog channel. - Sit. Stay.
ga080419 -- - Wouldn't it be more entertaining if you turned the television on? - I used to think so.
ga080420 -- - Fetch the ball, Odie! - - SPLIIISH - GAR- - AAAAAACHK! - Life is good. FLAKES UP THE NOSE!!!
ga080421 -- Hello. I'm a fat, lazy cat! What's your name? Garfield. Wait right here. - Call your lawyer.
ga080422 -- Something bit me! - What if it's poisonous?! - I could die! WHEN?!
ga080423 -- - GARFIELD! - WHY are there bacon bits in my fern?! Um, this is an absolute mystery to me.
ga080424 -- Look, Garfield... - I bought a shredder! - Why?
ga080425 -- Jon why don't you order us a pizza? - A small, plain cheese pizza. - You're new here, aren't you?
ga080426 -- I glued a blender to my face. - Whoa! - Is it saturday night already?
ga080427 -- riiiinnng - Hi, this is Jon... - I'm not home right n-OW! - Hey, that was my LEG! What do you think you're do-OW!!! - STOP it with the claws already, or I'll-OWWWW!!! - All right, that's it! It's GO-time, pal! you've had it
ga080427 -- n-OWWWW-*beeeeeeeeeeep* - I like your new message, Jon. It's funny.
ga080428 -- This is my new cell phone. - - And this is the manual for it "Volume One"
ga080429 -- My new cell phone has voice mail, a calendar, an alarm clock, a camera, a tip calculator, a GPS system, and it plays MP3 music files. - - It does everything but ring. That would require friends.
ga080430 -- BEEDLE BEEDLE BEEDLE I don't believe it! My cell phone's ringing! - Hello? - Yo, mom...'sup?
ga080501 -- BEEDLE BEEDLE BEEDLE Hello? - * CLICK! * Darn! - I took another picture of my ear! New cell phone
ga080502 -- BEEDLE BEEDLE BEEDLE A call! - RIP - Hello? You belt holster's a little tight there.
ga080503 -- I'm a dork... - I'm a dork...I'm a dork, dork, dork... - GARFIELD, STOP MESSING WITH MY RINGTONE! I'm a dork...
ga080504 -- - Z - Z - Z - Z - *snort* - Coffee not strong enough? Hey, who tipped the room?
ga080505 -- Hello, birds in the trees - Hello, sun in the sky - Hello, pothole in the driveway
ga080506 -- - CHA-KUNK! KEEP OFF GRASS - KEEP OFF GRASS
ga080507 -- So what is it like growing up the only daisy in a patch of weeds? - It was tough, man. They teased me every day...they called me... - *SOB* ...PRETTY BOY! The fiends
ga080508 -- You'll have to excuse me...sometimes I say things without really thinking first - you pathetic meow sack! - sort of just like that
ga080509 -- What's the occasion? - Big date? Wedding? Polka club meeting? - Never mind.
ga080510 -- Whatever you do... - DO IT IN MODERATION! - I thank you!
ga080511 -- - - Eew! Look! A gnarly old hot dog! - It must have fallen through the grill... - ...and laid there all winter long! - Is that not *the* most disgusting thing you've ever see... - No. *That* is. mmmmm
ga080512 -- Hey, there's Arlene... - SUUUUUCK - Are you feeling okay? Not really. But how do I look?
ga080513 -- Arlene! Fancy meeting you here! - I always dine Alfresco on tuesday nights. You do? - Sure. It's trash night. I hope they serve mints.
ga080514 -- Garfield, you like me, don't you` Sure. - By the way, you're sitting in my spot. - I like you too, Garfield.
ga080515 -- So how's domestic life treating you, Garfield? Awful! - Jon used too much oregano in the lasagna tonight... - I grieve for you, Garfield. It's a jungle in there, Arlene.
ga080516 -- Don't you hate being an alley cat, Arlene? - ...don't you have to live with a *dog*? - Sure is a quiet night.
ga080517 -- All you think about is yourself, Garfield. - That's not true! - Sometimes *I* think about *you* thinking about *me*. sigh
ga080518 -- - - step step step step step - unscrew unscrew unscrew unscrew - screw screw screw sc...ZZZT . THUD tinkle * tinkle * tinkle * - Don't even smile. Inside I'm rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter.
ga080519 -- Mini Golf -> I've never been miniature golfing before. I must warn you, I'm a pro at it. - "Jonny Ace" they call me...I even have my own putter! - Of cour'se, it's been a while... Back when he was but a wee little nerdlet.
ga080520 -- Now, in miniature golf, you just swing easy...noe, don't be nervous...easy... - PLUNK - It went in the hole. Is that good? Uh-huh It's only a game. It's only a game.
ga080521 -- TAP BOBK - - You'll have to play that one from the parking lot. STUPID GIANT BUNNY RABBIT!!
ga080522 -- Darn! It went in the water! Right into the mouth of the giant plaster snake. - slosh slosh slosh - YAAAHHHHHH Wow. I could've *sworn* that was plaster.
ga080523 -- So how did I do on the front nine? We're still adding up your score. - - My cell phone has a calculator. NEVER MIND!!
ga080524 -- So what? So your girlfriend beat you at miniature golf...so she better cooks than you...so she's smarter than you... - - *You* are pathetic.
ga080525 -- Boop Bip Beep Beep Bip - Hi, Jon, it's Liz. I can't decide what to wear tonight. - At first I thought my blue dress would be perfect, but then I decided my red top and skirt would look even better... - Then I couldn't find any shoes to go
ga080525 -- with *that*, so I switched to the green cocktail dress, but the zipper on that was stuck... - So I tried the purple strapless gown on, but the clutch purse that goes with it has a huge mascara smudge on it, and besides, I still think it makes
ga080525 -- my hips look big... - So now I'm back to the dress, unless I can find a way to make that red top and skirt work with sandals, or something open-toed in a neutral color. - What are you wearing? My suit. Hurray for guys.
ga080526 -- Hey, what are you looking at, fuzzball? Lunch, if you don't can the attitude. - Ha! I eat cats like you for breakfast! Oh, yeah? - ? Prove it!
ga080527 -- Nermal, have you ever had cosmetic surgery? Can you keep a secret? - Yes. See this eyelash? - Yessss?... *That's* real.
ga080528 -- Garfield, have *you* ever thought about cosmetic surgery? What, improve on *this*? - - That has to be the best straight line you've ever given me. It was a accident, okay?
ga080529 -- You're not so cute. - - Eww, yes you are. Why, thank you.
ga080530 -- You think *you're* the only one who can look cute? - Check *this* out! - You call *that* cute? Wait, wait. I'm a little out of practice.
ga080531 -- Don't hate me because I'm cute. - -I' m getting tired of replacing that door. Try spackle.
ga080601 -- BAM! BAM! - BAM! BAM! Garfield! - BAM! BAM! BAM! Garfield, open the door! - Garfield!! My arms are full of groceries! - - Well! It's about... - ...time. Oooh, cookies!
ga080602 -- Water $20 - Nobody's going to pay that. - Free cup of salt?
ga080603 -- This is Larry...he'll be interning for the summer. 'sup, man? - WHACK! - OW! That HURT! He's young. He'll learn. - Just go away.
ga080604 -- Dogs... - - THUD They aren't real good at sharp turns.
ga080605 -- - - That's a lot of sausages. That's so I can find my way back to the butcher shop.
ga080606 -- Hey, Garfield! Come and see! - - Not particularly moved by sunrises, are we?
ga080607 -- I would like to dedicate this next number to my idol. - BLAAAATTPP - Obviously, my idol does not play the trumpet.
ga080608 -- - You're really attached to Garfield, aren't you? - We've been together a long time. - Just like an old married couple. - - A looooonnnnng time. SLAP! And what's *that* supposed to mean?! - I think I'll check the roast. I want a divorce! I
ga080608 -- get ther fridge.
ga080609 -- Yep, your birthday's coming. Calendars don't lie. Have you thought about what you want? Yes I have... - But, oh, wait! They haven't invented time machines yet, have they?!
ga080610 -- Don't let this birthday thing get you down, Garfield. - Hey, your age is only a number...right? - A big honking number. The ears still work, by the way.
ga080611 -- Hey, geezer. - I hear your birthday cake is coming with a smoke alarm! - That spider looks like it's laughing. Get me a ladder and a bat.
ga080612 -- Another birthday...maybe it's time to start thinking about my future. - Time to start making some plans... - Time to put that new hip on layway. So *that's* why cats eat mice.
ga080613 -- clack clack clack clack clack clack - clack clack clack clack clack - I am NOT OLD!
ga080614 -- Have you thought about what kind of birthday cake you want? - - Besides "large"? There's another kind?
ga080615 -- - - POOMP - - - BOOT! - It's tough getting old.
ga080616 -- Only three more days... - And you'll be a year older. - Sez you!
ga080617 -- Garfield's birthday is coming up. - Presents, presents, and more presents! - What do you get for the cat who wants everything?
ga080618 -- Tomorrow is my brthday... - This year I shall celebrate in an age-appropriate manner. Cool! - I *love* musical wheelchairs!
ga080619 -- In the minus column, there's loss of memory, loss of hair, acquisition of nose and ear hair, liver spots, wrinkles, achy joints, and saggy skin. - In the plus column: cake. - No contest. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
ga080620 -- Hi, Liz! Hello, Jon. - Wow! What smells so good? My perfume? - Mmmmm...beef... Ah, that would be my *other* perfume.
ga080621 -- Whoo! Am I full! What a meal that was! pat pat pat - Boy, that liz sure can cook! - Wanna smell my beef breath? You're a cruel, cruel man.
ga080622 -- - Welcome to the All-Mime Channel. - - - - And now a word from our sponsor. -
ga080623 -- Jon's washing his car. - All done! -
ga080624 -- Well, *that* was aggravating. - I got one of those shopping carts with a weird wheel. - I had to shop in circles for an hour. I hope it was in the donut aisle.
ga080625 -- - How was the meat loaf? Great! - BLEAH!
ga080626 -- Wow. - - There sure is a lot of napping going on.
ga080627 -- Wanna bat me around? Nah...I don't feel like it. - A little Macrame then, perhaps? Okay, now you're *really* reaching.
ga080628 -- Supergarfield stands for truth... - Justice... - And shedding!
ga080629 -- - Arlene's coming this way! - She'll try to flirt with me, like she always does. - It's pathetic, really... - Act like you don't even notice her, Garfield. - Poor, needy thing.
ga080630 -- Isn't this great, Garfield? Wonderful. - Here we are, back on the farm! Yee-ha. - I'm gonna go hug a cow! Long time, no date.
ga080701 -- Who are you? I'm a barn cat. - I'm Garfield. I'm Barney. - Where do you live? Okay, Flash, let's start again...
ga080702 -- What are you? I'm a chicken. - Riiiight... - If you're a chicken, where's the breading?
ga080703 -- Kids, farms are where we get our food. - Cereal, fruit, vegetables... - Excuse me, sir. Where might I find the whipped cream trees?
ga080704 -- Looks like rain. Yup. - Yup. Yup. - Yup, yup. Yup, yup, yup. And they say the art of conversation is dead.
ga080705 -- One of the best things about the farm is all the *nature*... - It's *everywhere*! - Like under your shoe.
ga080706 -- - Jon, you need to rethink your wardrobe. I do? - Come on, we'll start by going through your closet. - Hmmm...let's see...well, this has to go...oh, ick, and this, too... But I love that shirt! - And this, and this, and this, and this, and
ga080706 -- WHAT is THAT?! THAT? - YEEEEEEEEEK!!! Poor thing. - She found the powder blue polyester leisure suit. It still fits!
ga080707 -- We've been together a long time, Garfield. Long time. - Remember the good old days? That's not what I'd call them. - Remember when I got the brussels sprout stuck in my navel? Those were the STUPID old days.
ga080708 -- Hey, Garfield, you know that checkout lane at the grocery store for 10 items or less? - Well, Sir, I made it through with 12, count em', *12* items! - One small step for man, one giant leap for nerdkind.
ga080709 -- I like to think I'm unique. - - Believe me, Jon, we *all* like to think you're unique.
ga080710 -- Through the dragon's nose, over the moat under the castle, and into the hole! - WHACK! -Over the dragon, under the lights, through the snack bar, and into a fat lady's chilli dog. FORE!
ga080711 -- Let's see, that's another hole in one for me... - And another hole in one for you, too, Garfield. - And where's Jon? He's still cursing out the plaster pirate on thirteen.
ga080712 -- Jon suspects nothing. - - Darn guard sock puppet.
ga080713 -- - - - - - -
ga080714 -- I don't think I'm getting enough rest. - Not to worry! - I'll pick up the slack.
ga080715 -- I don't suppose you'll be moving today? - I don't suppose you'd care to get some exercise? - I don't suppose you'd care to go outside?! I don't suppose you see any wheels on this bed?
ga080716 -- Two days, and you haven't so much as moved an Eyelid! - That must take some willpower. Au contraire. - MOVING required willpower.
ga080717 -- Day three, and you still haven't moved. Aren't you afraid of losing muscle tone? - - Sorry, stupid question. I'll say.
ga080718 -- I had trouble sleeping. - - I tossed and turned all afternoon.
ga080719 -- Z - Wake up! - Didn't I do that yesterday?
ga080720 -- - And now we have a dedication... - This one goes out to Liz... - ...from her boyfriend Joh, with all the love in his heart. - So here it is, Liz, just for you...a little something called... - "You're the rooty-tooty cross-eyed cutie who put
ga080720 -- the oom in my oom-pa-pa." - RING That would be Liz telling me how much she loves the song! Especially the Kazoo solo.
ga080721 -- All is well in my world. - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - Except for the whole cats-wearing-boots thing.
ga080722 -- - -
ga080723 -- I don't believe it! - Liz is out with another guy!... But why?! - I bet if I disguised myself as a french waiter I could find out what was going on over there. - But that would be incredibly stupid, wouldn't it? Absolutely. - - - I'm going
ga080723 -- in. My hero!
ga080724 -- You're at the top of my hate list, FATSO! - SMACK - Right up there with magazines!
ga080725 -- Okay, men! - HEAVE...HO!!! - This does not bode well... Bring in the giant cactus plant!
ga080726 -- - SMACK! - For this, I went to college?
ga080727 -- - I hope you're not planning a fancy surprise party for my birthday. - Fancy? - tap tap - FWEEEEEEP - NOTHING'S too fancy for our Jon.
ga080728 -- Z - Awwww. Z - He remembered my birthday. Z
ga080729 -- Liz took me out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. - A *really* nice restaurant. - ...*glass* catsup bottles! Fancy-schmancy.
ga080730 -- There's nothing like a fresh vegetable. - And let's keep it that way! -
ga080731 -- Who's that? That's my neighbor, Mrs. Feeny. - - Why is she digging a moat around her house? I have my suspicions...
ga080801 -- Liz paid for our date last night. - That made me feel a little weird. - It was a *good* weird, though. Free weird is a good weird.
ga080802 -- Jon and I make a nice couple, don't you think, Garfield? - Yes. Sort of like the way Argyle socks and polka-dotted bow ties go toghether. - I sense sarcasm in that smile. You're getting to know me.
ga080803 -- Hey! - I've got *news* for you, buddy... - You're not so smart! - You're...not...so...smart! poke poke poke - What do you think of *that*? - - ZIP
ga080804 -- I bought Liz a dozen roses today...for no reason at all! - I bet she'll be so surprised... - FOR FIFTY BUCKS, SHE'D BETTER!!! A fleeting moment of male clarity.
ga080805 -- Oooh, Flowers! Yeah, I got them from my latin dance instructor, Raoul. - Oh... Kidding! They're for you, hon. - Oh! I haven't tangoed since the Eisenhower administration.
ga080806 -- Look, flowers! Liz sent *me* flowers! - - Is that even legel? Better draw the blinds.
ga080807 -- Thanks for the flowers, Liz! You're welcome, Jon. - They were great. - "Were"? Were. BURP
ga080808 -- Okay, who had the coffees? - Um... Just a little coffee-bar humor, Sir. - That guy always looks so sad. Your tips could make Binky the Clown sad.
ga080809 -- I'm back from the store! - sklish sklish sklish sklish sklish sklish - The sprayers in the produce aisle got me again. In the right light, you do resemble a giant brussels sprout.
ga080810 -- boop - Hello?...Liz?!---Sorry. I must have pushed your speed-dial number by mistake! - I was calling to order a pizza...say, would you like to join us?...Great! - Sure, pick up a movie on the way over! We'll make a night of it! - Wow, I
ga080810 -- couldn't have planned that better if I'd tried! - - WHOP! goiyoiyoiyoing! Order the pizza!
ga080811 -- Odie, fetch me a pizza. - - This is one of the good dreams.
ga080812 -- - Hmmm. - Funny leftovers or pizza? Just dial.
ga080813 -- I'm going to order a pizza. - bip bip boop beep bip - And I can do it without the pompons. Oh, c'mon...gimme a "p".
ga080814 -- Frank's pizza? This is Jon Arbuckle...I'd like to order my usual. - Oh. - Their forklift's in the shop. We'll starve!
ga080815 -- ...and deliver the pizza as soon as you can. - How eill you know the right house? - You'll know. I need more flares.
ga080816 -- Thirty-five dollars?!! - For pizza delivery?! - The police escort was extra.
ga080817 -- - - EEEEYAWWNNNN - KAFF KAFF KAFF KAFF KAFF KAFF - snuck snuck scratch scratch scratch - snorfel snorfel snoff snoff snorf - You were such a cute kitten. Blow it out your bunny slippers.
ga080818 -- What do you have in your mouth? - - What's that? An inventory list.
ga080819 -- I have generously decided to allow you to speak to me. - You're fat. - I'm too generous.
ga080820 -- Ahem. - I am not too fat! - And I am not sensitive about my weight!
ga080821 -- I'm fat. - You're fat. - AM NOT!
ga080822 -- I am not. - You're fat. - We've had that conversation before.
ga080823 -- Hey! - You don't weigh much! Why, thank you - ...for a guy without tusks. I knew it.
ga080824 -- - Hi, I'm Jon's hamburger. - Have you seen the catup around? Um...no. - Hey, Ham, where's Catsup? Running late. - Late again?! My *ice* is melting! Cool down, Pops... - We're *sick* of him *never* being on time for meals! Right *on*, frenchy!
ga080824 -- - Where's my *lunch*?! It couldn't wait.
ga080825 -- - CRACK! - You must diet now. Be a pal and slide some food down here.
ga080826 -- You should eat a little less at each meal. - I could do that, I suppose. - Of course, it would mean doubling up on the snacks!
ga080827 -- Did you ever stop to think that you might eat so much because of some emotionel need? - ...that you eat to compensate for some inner need? Of course. - It's called hunger, you dipstick.
ga080828 -- I know it's hard, but try not to think of food. - Try to visualize a peaceful meadow... I see it. - Under a tree, sits a beautiful girl... Wearing a dress made of bacon.
ga080829 -- I'm not fond of salads... - And they hate me. - DOINK! Stop throwing croutons at me!
ga080830 -- How to lose weight - What a great book! - It's perfect for sneaking snacks. MUNCH MUNCH
ga080831 -- GURRRGLE - GURGLE Hey! - Waiiiit a minute... - This lousy diet has me seeing things again... - You're a diet hallucination, aren't you?! Okay, sport. You got me. - GURGLE URGLE URGLE ORGLE URGLE - I wonder what diet hallucinations taste like.
ga080831 -- Chicken!
ga080901 -- If you lost a little weight... - ...you'd still be fat. All right! - Dieting is futile!
ga080902 -- Liz is going to call me! - - Any hour now! Be sure to tell her how pathetic you are.
ga080903 -- RING - Meow! - That was Liz. She wanted to talk to you, but I meowed her out of it.
ga080904 -- I wonder what Liz is doing right now... - And now... - And now... WHAN WHAM WHAM WHAM
ga080905 -- Would you like to go dancing saturday night, Jon? - WOULD I? - Would I? As long as I don't have to watch.
ga080906 -- Fish are fascinating to watch. - Like when they're in a frying pan! - I assume you are taking that to the kitchen?
ga080907 -- RIING - Jon, I have to break our date. We just had an emergency case come into clinic. That's okay, Liz. I understand. - Well, pal, no date. I guess it's just you and me tonight. - - - Boy, does this ever bring back memories, huh? Like a
ga080907 -- three-day-old taco.
ga080908 -- Garfield! - A mouse! Correct. - You *do* know your rodents.
ga080909 -- - If anybody asks, I'm chasing you. Okay. - He's chasing me.
ga080910 -- Here comes The Great Garfield, everyone! - Give it up for Garfield! clap clap clap clap - What? I'm chasing him. Just *slowly* Woo-hoo!
ga080911 -- - GARFIELD!! Lose the putting green. Aw, man!
ga080912 -- SNAP! OW! SNAP! OW! SNAP! OW! - One more. SNAP! OW! Well, Jon found all the mousetraps.
ga080913 -- Greetings, fellow mice! - - What are you going to do about that? Take him to a tiny optometrist?
ga080914 -- - - - Out! - - SLASH -
ga080915 -- "Amanda Irkburger and Earl Smooch were joined in holy matrimony last saturday". - "...the reception was held at the Mulligan Pine Country Club". - Nice picture of you. There was cake.
ga080916 -- I got a traffic ticket today... - For singing at a red light with my windows down. - I have to pay a fine and carry a pitch pipe in my car all times. I've heard you sing...you got off easy.
ga080917 -- Z Odie is dreaming about chasing a rabbit. - AR! - YIP! YIP! YIP! It always ends with the rabbit beating the stuffing out of him.
ga080918 -- Is your Chili spicy? Not really. - GAAAHH! MY THOAT! MILK! ICE WATER! ALOE VERA!!! - Unless you're a weenie BRing it on! Joooon... I CAN'T SEE!!!
ga080919 -- How was your meal this evening, Ma'am? Delicious, thank you. - And how was you five-alarm chili, sir? HHHAMBLA NA FA - Sir? Uh...he's french. na nee waa noo
ga080920 -- I am not a loser...I am not a loser...I am not a loser... - Jon's reading a self-help book. - Chapter One: Denial
ga080921 -- - boot! - - boot! - - GARFIELD!!! - Yes?
ga080922 -- These new laptop computers look pretty cool. - Maybe I should get one. - What do you think? They'll never replace cats.
ga080923 -- tic tic tic tic tic tic - 12...36...48...ah...72 point. - FEED ME
ga080924 -- Garf1: Meow meow meow Whiskers232: Mew mew mew tic tic tic - Pussnboots113: Hiiiisssss! Whiskers232: Hiiiiisssss! - Pussnboots113: Fft! Fft! Rowr!! These cat chat rooms can get pretty ugly.
ga080925 -- You have mail. click - Dear spider, 3...2...1... -
ga080926 -- - click click click click click click click click click click click - I'm here to deliver you three tons of dried flies...
ga080927 -- - - I think I'm losing my touch.
ga080928 -- GOOD Morning! YOU'RE up early. - I haven't even made your breakfast. I think I'll skip it and go jogging. - Oh, goody! Tomorrow's monday! - - pat pat pat - This has got to be the worst nightmare I ever had.
ga080929 -- Do you remember my old girlfriend Ingrid? Nope. - ...the one with the bulging biceps? Not at all. - ...the cat hugger? Like it was yesterday.
ga080930 -- Remember my old girlfriend Jodell? - You know...the psycho? - You'll have to be more specific.
ga081001 -- Do you remember my old girlfriend Loretta? No. - The one with the huge buckteeth? You know I'm terrible with names. - She could open a can with her overbite. Oh, yeah...utensil face!
ga081002 -- Remember my old girlfriend Rhonda? Nope. - She was all kinda stooped over?... Nope. - ...and had the giant sloping forehead, Cro-Magnon brow and bad teeth? Oh, yeah. The hand model.
ga081003 -- Do you remember Myrna, that girl I took out once? - The one with the humongous nostrils? - That's an understatement. I never did find my keys that night.
ga081004 -- Remember my old girlfriend Griselda? - The one with the bulging jaw muscles?... - Boy, could she ever put away a rack of ribs. Why you let her get away, I will never know.
ga081005 -- Guess who's here? - We're kitten-sitting Nermal today, Garfield! - You two play nice together. - So what should we play? How about hide and seek? - Okay! - - What are you doing? Winning.
ga081006 -- I'm sorry, Sir, but a coat and tie are required for dinner. - - DON'T YOU GET ANY GRAVY ON THOSE!
ga081007 -- It says here a guy ate twenty pounds of baked beans. - In just fifteen Minutes. - Doesn't say what he won, though. Probably not any new friends.
ga081008 -- Jon, this restaurant we're going to...is it fancy? Sort of. - Should I wear my little black dress? ...Hello? He says yes.
ga081009 -- Psst! Liz! Which fork do I use? The salad fork. - Oh. - Psst!
ga081010 -- I'm back from my dinner date! - Look, Odie! I brought you a doggie bag! - And here's you kittie bag. That's all?
ga081011 -- I was feeling so manly today, then I had to go and stub my toe. - ...cried like a baby... - Wanna see my boo-boo? Frm manly to sissy, just like that.
ga081012 -- Of course I'm still seeing Jon... - Things are going well, mother...he took me to a restaurant last night... - This place was *fancy*, Mom! Cloth napkins, three forks, no flies on the salad bar... - ...and a strolling violinist! Jon requested
ga081012 -- a special song just for us... - ...can you *believe* he didn't even know "Turkey in the Straw"?! - ...and how's *this* for romantic...he ordered in *french*! - What did he eat? He thinks it was a weasel with cheese.
ga081013 -- I heard from my cousin Kenny today. Kenny? - You know, the one with the botched facelift? I know a lot og Kennys. - Looks like this? Ah, *that* Kenny?
ga081014 -- There are my frat buddies in college. - We had some great times. - Good ol' "Ph Ama Geeka". Is that a keg of herbal tea?
ga081015 -- My frat brothers were real practical jokers. - It was all innocent fun, though. - That's me, asleep, with a chicken glued to my forehead. Hang on, I'm writing this down.
ga081016 -- Here I am in the homecoming parade. - I got to dress up and ride on the float my fraternity built. - That's the biggest pocket protector I've ever seen. I'm the third mechanical pencil from the left.
ga081017 -- There's Doc Boy with his girlfriend. And there he is with his prize pig! - - I think I have those in backward. Hard to tell...they're both wearing ribbons.
ga081018 -- Remember my old girlfriend Babette? I'm not sure. - I think she was on the rebound. Oh, yeah... - She wore that oil painting of her ex-boyfriend around her neck. Biggest locket I ever saw.
ga081019 -- z - z - z - z - z - OOOOF -
ga081020 -- You used to purr when I entered the room. - BURP - You call *that* a *purr*? - You call that an entrance?
ga081021 -- - - You're right, Odie. That other dog *is* stupid looking.
ga081022 -- - - And just what...? Did you know people feed ducks in the park?
ga081023 -- - Well! - Looks like *some*one had a good night. I had a suicidal giant cookie dream again.
ga081024 -- Mmm! These Escargots are good! You have a very sophisticated palate, Sir. - Hmm? Not everyone appreciates the fine taste of snails. - PHHHHHT
ga081025 -- Eww...ick! Get away! - Help! Affectionate dog! -
ga081026 -- - I am a headless swamp monster! - Fear me! Maybe later. - I am an invisible vampire! Good for you. - RAAAAWWWHHHR! Do tell. - EEK! - My dish is empty!
ga081027 -- - - I'll never eat an entire plate of Jalapeno poppers before bed again.
ga081028 -- - - Do us all a huge favor and wake up.
ga081029 -- Weird dream, huh? You said it. - Tell me, is it yours or mine? I'm not sure. - ...or theirs.
ga081030 -- - - You know, once I had a dream where I could fly... Is it morning yet?
ga081031 -- - -
ga081101 -- - - Loved your pie!
ga081102 -- - I saw you on the fence with Arlene last night. - In fact, you've been out there *every* night this week... - Could love be in the air? That is none of your business. - Hey Arlene. Couldn't stay away, huh? - You know what I like. Come a
ga081102 -- little closer. - Got any jelly-filled? Just glazed tonight.
ga081103 -- I'll walk you to your car, Liz... - Oh, Jon, you're such a perfect gentleman! kiss - Oh, Jon, you're such a perfect gentleman! Jealus
ga081104 -- - No Dogs Allowed - Meow!
ga081105 -- Hi, I'm your friendly neighborhood flea. - Hey, little fella. Excuse me just for a moment. - Do we have any dynamite?
ga081106 -- I may just blow off this entire day and do nothing. - What do you think? Sure... - Come on in, the lethargy's fine.
ga081107 -- Oooh, Jon! They have *oysters* here! Oysters? - Let's order some! Um, sure. - So how was your date?
ga081108 -- - What's with the cupcake? - It's the leftover meat loaf's birthday!
ga081109 -- Frank! ...are you listening to me?!... - Frank, I've had it with you! Don't start with me...I'm not in the mood. - All you do is sit around and suck blood all day! Hey! I'm a flea! Excuse me for making me a living! - I should have married
ga081109 -- Arnie Aphid...at least he bought me roses! Oh, here we go...Arnie Aphid! Arnie Aphid! The men's a garden pest, Francise! - I'm going home to mother! Fine by me! - SLAM! - Mom, I've left Frank. What took you so long? Slam?
ga081110 -- Hi, Dad?... It's Jon! Hold on a minute, son. - SQUAWK! CHOP - I'm helping your mother fix dinner. Sounds farm fresh.
ga081111 -- You'd like my girlfriend, Dad. She's great with animals! - I don't know...I'll have to ask her. - How fast can you pluck a chicken?
ga081112 -- Dad, I asked my girlfriend, and though she never tried it... - She thinks she could pluck a chicken in about half an hour. - ...Dad? Are you sure enough she's good enough for you, son?
ga081113 -- No, mom, Liz and I are just dating... - No, no barn dances yet... - Yes, I know what goes on at those barn dances... Farm confidential.
ga081114 -- I hear you have a GIRRRRL-friend. As a matter of fact, I DO, Doc Boy. - Have you KIIIISSSSED her yet? Yes, I have! - Uh...what's that like?
ga081115 -- Garfield, all I think about is Liz... - I can't think about anything else. I know what you mean... - I can't get my mind off that ham in the fridge.
ga081116 -- Greetings. - I am a new state-of-the-art multifunction diagnostic scale. - I not only provide digital and voice weight measurement to the ten-thousandth of a pound... - But also body fat percentage, a muscle mass index rating, pulse reading,
ga081116 -- body temperature... - ... oxygen, blood pressure, and blood sugar levels, HDL and LDL counts, and EKG measurements. - Please step on. - GREAT googly moogly!
ga081117 -- I enjoy eating and sleeping - - Dit I mention eating? You lead a full life.
ga081118 -- Too much rice! - - That's one man's opinion.
ga081119 -- How am I to frost the cake now that you've eaten it? - Simple! - Frost this.
ga081120 -- Thanks again for dinner, Liz. Good night, Jon. - Sigh. Sigh. - Did you *see* the way she dialed out for pizza? Marry this woman.
ga081121 -- There is so much in the world I don't know about. - - But I *do* know where the food is, so...who cares?
ga081122 -- It's the first snowflake of winter! - ...and the second! And the third! -
ga081123 -- There! - Well, the Lasagna's in the oven! - Shhhoouuuulllddd - taaaaaaaaaake - abouuuuuuuuuuuut - forrrrrty-fiiiiiiiiiive - minnnnnnnn... The sooner you want it, the longer it takes. Baaaarrrrrrrr
ga081124 -- Garfield, have you seen my other snow boot? - Garfield?! - Ain't nobody here but us tube socks.
ga081125 -- - Base, this is Scout. You are clear to advance! - I had no idea they were that organized. Oorah!
ga081126 -- I noticed you've been good all day. - Why, thank you! - I'm cramming for Christmas.
ga081127 -- Hi, Odie! tump tump tump - Are you excited about Christmas? Huh? Huh? Boy? Are you excited? Huh? Huh? - TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP
ga081128 -- Fa la la la laaa... - La la la... - Ow.
ga081129 -- Liz, what would you like for Christmas this year? - Peace on earth, goodwill toward men! Me, too! - He said the same thing last year when she said, "a pink sweater".
ga081130 -- - lick lick lick - - thhhhhhhhhp! - - - - -
ga081201 -- A GIFT CARD? - I spend THREE WEEKS baking cookies, and all you get me is a lousy GIFT CARD?!! - We will return to "The Christmas Mommy Snapped". - Hide the rolling pin.
ga081202 -- This should be an easy two-footer...and... - Oh, NO! - HE FELL IN THE HOLE! Elf golf.
ga081203 -- Okay, I'm plugging in all the Christmas lights! - - Hey, we didn't blow a fuse! The laval lamp just erupted.
ga081204 -- - BLINK -
ga081205 -- Sant Claus is watching you. - - Watching me, you say? ...your cat named "Alonzo," you say?
ga081206 -- Dear Santa, My cat, Garfield, has been very, very good all year long. - - I *will* get my pants back, right? *After* you finish the letter.
ga081207 -- - - - - - - Odie Need a hint?
ga081208 -- Ohhh, no! Not YOU again! - Not THIS year...no WAY!! - Visit Santa "Jolly old elf," my foot. I HAVE A RESTRAINING ORDER!!!
ga081209 -- Early Christmas present! - HOLD ON! - For me? I don't know, let's read the tag.
ga081210 -- What a wonderful season! - What a beautiful tree! - What a bountiful harvest!
ga081211 -- I've hidden your Christmas present where you'll *never* find it. - - Tickle me all you want. I'm not telling. He's tougher than I thought.
ga081212 -- Look what Liz got me, Garfield! - Candy cane earmuffs! - Small world.
ga081213 -- - ! -
ga081214 -- Z - Z - Z - Z - Z - Z -
ga081215 -- Look! A Christmas card from Doc Boy! - See! He even made it himself! Charming... - It's not often you see a holiday sentiment scrawled on a scrap of gunny sack.
ga081216 -- Forget it, Garfield... - There's no way you're going to guess your present this year. - And the turban won't help. I see a carpeted cylinder...yes, it appears to be a scratching post...
ga081217 -- I need to dig deep within myself to think of a gift for Liz that truly expresses my feelings for her. - - A coconut monkey head? You're gonna need a backhoe.
ga081218 -- Here's something your girlfriend might like. What a pretty necklace! - IT's on sale, too. MUWAH! - Where'd you get the ice cream? They bought it for me while you were unconscious.
ga081219 -- Yes, Mom, Liz and I are still together. - Mom! We're not *that* serious! - She wants to give Liz her *corn bread* recipe! You might as well just buy the ring *now*.
ga081220 -- "Happy holidays, Jon. All my love, Liz" - - See? ...right there... "All my love". I see it, I see it.
ga081221 -- Oh boy, oh boy, oh *boy*... - Just five more days till Christmas! Only five! - ...of course I don't need to count Christmas day, so that'd make it *four*... - And *today's* almost half over, so if I don't count it, that's *three*... - Then
ga081221 -- figure three days of sleep, at sixteen hours a day... - Eighteen...carry the one...divided by 24... - It's *Christmas eve!* - You're wearing a groove in the table.
ga081222 -- Here comes Santa Claus! - Boy, are you *fat*! - Coming from him, that hurts.
ga081223 -- - RIP TAER RIP RIP RIP - Not all presents are for you I'm picking up on that.
ga081224 -- How cute. The pizza delivery guy was dressed as Santa. - Hey! Someone ate our pizza! - BURP
ga081225 -- - - Merry Christmas!
ga081226 -- So, Garfield, did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? - - That would be impossible, wouldn't it? Wow, two stupid questions in a row.
ga081227 -- - - This thank you note is gonna be a challenge. Words don't do it justice.
ga081228 -- Sigh - I can't believe Christmas is over. - I waited so long for it, and now it's gone... - And I miss it. - At least I still have you, old buddy. pat pat - SHOOMF -
ga081229 -- Sissy Boy - Sissy Boy - Sissy Boy It's laundry day, okay?! I like Doc Boy's Christmas presents.
ga081230 -- I'm making a list of things that need doing around this house. - - New...kitchen...light...bulb. You're writing on my face.
ga081231 -- This year, I resolve to stay out of trouble... - Which will require effort, determination... - And being much sneakier.
ga090101 --
ga090102 -- Your boyfriend called again. - He sais he misses you madly, like a loon, and that dinner tonight cn't come too soon. - He said that? Actually, he sang it, but it wasn't in my key.
ga090103 -- Liz, I love how well you and Garfield get along. - It's almost like you and I are proud parents! - Of a very fat, striped, orange child. Baby hungry.
ga090104 -- - - - - tap tap tap - GAAAH!
ga090105 -- Hello. - Goodbye. - Avoiding the stuff in between is the key to a good relationship.
ga090106 -- - - I'm so cool my *shades* are wearing shades! Oh, please!
ga090107 -- Am I wasting my life? - Yes. - I withdraw the question. You're talking to a cat.
ga090108 -- I'm elected to the bad habits hall of fame! - CRUMPLE CRUMPLE -
ga090109 -- - You miss out on all sorts of things. - Noooow you're getting it.
ga090110 -- Z - *YAWN* - I wish he'd warn me before stands up.
ga090111 -- Yawn - Good night, Garfield. - Good night, Pooky. - 'night, Odie. - - What are you doing? - Tucking in the leftovers?
ga090112 -- - Morning. Morning. - And no, I'm *not* turning up the heat!
ga090113 -- - - There should be warnings for icy sidewalks!
ga090114 -- - -
ga090115 -- Boy, I could live here... - A TV over there and I'm all set! - Garfield, unlock the door! If you're not the cable guy, go away! Pizza Delivery
ga090116 -- What are you going to order, Jon? - Food. - I always order food in a restaurant. Maybe I'll have the same.
ga090117 -- Beware Of Missing Dog - Beware Of Missing Dog - Beware Of Missing Dog Waaait a minute.
ga090118 -- Hey! - That girl you sit on the fence with ate my buddy, Dave! Arlene? - Never again will I thrill to him playing those traditional mouse folk rumbas on his tiny accordion! Sob! I'll speak to her about it. - - Hi, Arlene. Hi, Garfield. -
ga090118 -- Thanks for eating Dave. His sister-in-law sent me flowers.
ga090119 -- Professor Odie will now explain wy dogs eat kids' homework. - - Where's your speech? Burp.
ga090120 -- I'm taking Odie for a walk. All right. - tappy tappy tappy tappy tappy - Then I'm bringing him back. Oh.
ga090121 -- Why is Odie holding this big rock? - TONK - That's why.
ga090122 -- All of my decisions are wrong. - So I've decided to *stop* making decisions! - Good decision.
ga090123 -- DING! - Are the cookies done?! My underwear is dry! - What a waste of a perfectly good "ding".
ga090124 -- ...and then I hacked up a hairball! - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! - That's how all my stories end.
ga090125 -- - - - rrrrrrrrr - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - -
ga090126 -- Beware of Dog - Beware of Dog - Beware of Dog
ga090127 -- - - I don't like to interrupt Odie when he's deep in lack of thought.
ga090128 -- I just got a haircut. I see. - - Thank you for not laughing. It ain't easy.
ga090129 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - RIIIIING  - rrrrrrr
ga090130 -- - - Tell me, doctor, is there a cure for dogs?
ga090131 -- Is that a cat hair or a dog hair in my food? - Dog hair, definitely. - My hear wouldn't be caught dead in your cooking.
ga090201 -- - I'm going to be late for an appointment! - - Really late! - - - Really, really, *really* late!! Just go!
ga090202 -- Here. - GARFIELD! I'm on it! - Do your own laundry!
ga090203 -- And then it occured to me why I was limping all day... - I was only wearing ONE SHOE! - Why isn't he a tourist attraction?
ga090204 -- - I stepped on gum. -
ga090205 -- It says here, "Hot Dog Hank" was accosted and robbed in broad daylight today... What's this world coming to? - The thief got away with everything in his cart. Tragic. - Burp. Do you smell sauerkraut?
ga090206 -- What do you think of a collar with a little bell on it? - Sure! - That way I'll know where you are.
ga090207 -- - Oh, great... - This is gonna be all about *you* again, isn't it?
ga090208 -- donk - Hail! - Rain! - Snow! - Marshmallows? - Ice cream cones! Hamburgers! Donuts! - That dream ended better than it started.
ga090209 -- Reservation for two... Name's Arbuckle. - Ah, yes...we have a special table, just for you... - They know me here. Right under a fire sprinkler.
ga090210 -- OH, NO! NOT AGAIN!!! - WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!! Say...I recognize that voice... - Armando! How are you? Welcome back, Senor Arbuckle.
ga090211 -- Every time we come here, we have you as a waiter, Armando. How is that? - - What a short straw. I am, as you say, cursed.
ga090212 -- Sir, before we begin, I have just one request. - Shoot. Please don't order anything on fire. - I *bought* you a new suit, didn't I?! Yes, but I still have the dreams. Oh, look! Popcorn shrimp!
ga090213 -- Armando, my fork is dirty. My apologies, Sir. - I shall plunge it into my heart and get you a clean one. - Boy, you've gotta admire that dedication. And that sarcasm.
ga090214 -- Did you leave Armando a nice tip? Of course. - See? He's waving! - With his fist? Right on, Armando!
ga090215 -- SLAM! - I'm back from the gym! - Yeah, there's nothing like pumpin' iron! - You know, a dude like me can never be TOO ripped. - Just check out these guns! - - I'll be flexing in the foyer. Don't strain your imagination.
ga090216 -- RIIING - RIIING - RIIING It can't be *that* important.
ga090217 -- RIIING - Hello? -
ga090218 -- Dum dee dum dummm... Dum dee deee... - LAH-LA LAAAH LAAAAH-LAH-L - Oh, hi. - Got a little too into the 'hold' song.
ga090219 -- bzzzzzzzz Is that buzzing necessary? - Not really. Good. Then don't! - clang! clang! clang!
ga090220 -- - They'll get done quicker if you don't stare. - Cookie theories are made to be tested.
ga090221 -- I'm leaving you guys to start my own cat! - rrrrrrrrrr They didn't tell us about this in business school...
ga090222 -- - Beware of Giant Squirrel - Beware of Giant Squirrel - Beware of Giant Squirrel - Beware of Giant Squirrel SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - Beware of Giant Squirrel - Beware of Giant Squirrel
ga090223 -- - - Ice cream truck.
ga090224 -- - ICE CREAM - ICE CREAM How quaint.
ga090225 -- HA! - - SPRINKLES AREN'T SO GREAT! You just keep telling yourself that.
ga090226 -- - Want a lick? - It's tuna ripple.
ga090227 -- Ambition! That's what I need! - - Sounds hard though, doesn't it? Welcome to *my* world, Kemo Sabe.
ga090228 -- - SLAP! - Why did you do that?! A conversation starter?
ga090301 -- - - - - - Make up your mind, Already! -
ga090302 -- Cats love to explore. - - Has the house always had a backyard?
ga090303 -- I wonder what Jon is doing. - Is this lint or dust? - WHY do I wonder?!
ga090304 -- This is a quasi-pleasant day. - Almost not bad. - Almost not bad at all... It's nice to see Jon get a handle on that rampant optimism of his.
ga090305 -- What are you so happy about? - You've done something awful to me, haven't you? - YAAAAAH! Just playing with your paranoia.
ga090306 -- I don't feel so good. - How's your diet? - Are you eating enough canaries?
ga090307 -- Quiet day. - Garfield! Let me in! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! - Darn. It's back.
ga090308 -- - Come to poppa... - - - DING DONG - EEEEEEEEEK!! - Snickerdoodle?
ga090309 -- At least *IVE* had a busy day. - And you think I haven't? - It's been nonstop nothing all day long, Pal!
ga090310 -- - Now *that's* lazy - Z
ga090311 -- - - Never jump rope under a ceiling fan. Consider it on my not-to-do list.
ga090312 -- Why the sad face, mister? - You've got it all! Good looks, personality... - BURP ...tuna breath.
ga090313 -- Arbuckle Residence, how may I direct your call? ...please hold... - - Jon, here. He makes the coffee, too.
ga090314 -- - I know, I know... - Those bakery surveillance cameras add ten pounds.
ga090315 -- Oh, no! - I washed my underwear with my new red sweater, and turned it all pink! - What am I gonna do? I can't wear pink underwear! - Waaait a minute...I know, I know, I'll buy a blue sweater... - ...wash it with the underwear... - And turn
ga090315 -- it all *purple*! - And his dad thought that art degree was just a big waste of money.
ga090316 -- There was something I was planning to do today. - Oh, yeah. - This is it.
ga090317 -- Every day you seem to get a little lazier. - You got that right. - That's how I maintain my number one ranking, baby!
ga090318 -- Look for that tree! Slow down! - I think I'm going to be sick! - I haven't started the car yet. I'm warming up.
ga090319 -- You cannot put lasagna between two slices of pizza! - Because it's...uh... - Saaay... Welcome to my world.
ga090320 -- It isn't winter. - - It isn't summer, either. I need a bigger wardrobe.
ga090321 -- Garfield - Garfield - I have a feeling you're trying to tell me something. You are a genius.
ga090322 -- - Jon, what are these? Just fridge magnets. - Each one has the phone number of a different pizza delivery place. - There must be at least 200 of them here. 232, actually. - They're ranked top to bottom according to their black olive count,
ga090322 -- gooeyness of cheese, and chewiness of crust. - "Black olive count"? That's a BIG! - *That* was a funny look. Girls are so weird.
ga090323 -- If I were the last mouse on earth, would you eat me? - Not a chance... - I'd force you to cook for me.
ga090324 -- The mice around here are getting pretty brazen. Nonsense. - You're just imagining it. - Are you hogging all the hot water again? GARFIELD!
ga090325 -- I thought chasing mice was what cats *did*... - But I guess I was mistaken! - And it takes a big man to admit he's wrong! pat pat Nooooot heeelping...
ga090326 -- I've switched to low-fat cheese. - - Just one more reason not to chase him.
ga090327 -- Hey! Quite down in there! - Sorry. - I knew this slumber party was a bad idea.
ga090328 -- - Next Mouse- Hold Please - Sigh.
ga090329 -- bip bip beep boop - You have *no* new messages. - And I know I'm only a cell phone, but I get lonely TOO, y'now... - So get some FRIENDS already why don't you, you sad excuse for a wireless customer... - ...before I permanently switch your
ga090329 -- ringtone to the sound of a victorian funeral dirge! - - That actually might sound sort of cool. If it ever RANG!
ga090330 -- Nobody's perfect. - Hey, Garfield. - Ah! A visual aid!
ga090331 -- There's our homecoming king and queen. - And that's me... - I was voted homecoming court jester. Snazzy green tights.
ga090401 -- I'm cool. - There's no such thing as a cool ball of yarn. - How about now? I stand corrected.
ga090402 -- Time to get up! Z - All right! That's good to know! Thanks for the heads up! - I try to be informative. Z
ga090403 -- I sometimes make poor decisions. - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - Like thinking you might be sympathetic. Hey, I was laughing *with* you.
ga090404 -- Life has many mysteries. - Mysteries that pique the intellect. - And, when dismissed, free a lot of time for eating.
ga090405 -- - Going to the fence to see your girlfriend? Ha-ha. - Hi, Arlene. Hi, Garfield. - Jon thinks you're my girlfriend. Am I? - Be right back - - SMACK See what you started?
ga090406 -- I'm getting out of shape. - Maybe you should take up swimming. - MAYBE YOU SHOU'D SHUT UP! I'm good.
ga090407 -- Anyone home? - No! - No one ever said birds were smart.
ga090408 -- Stand back, cat. I'm a black belt! These legs are lethal weapons! - Can you break a brick? Ha! Try me! - Go.
ga090409 -- Where's Bob? Dunno. Phil? Dunno. Steve? Dunno. - Hmm. - Am I in a horror movie?
ga090410 -- - Oh, Garfield. - Yes?
ga090411 -- You're looking good, Fred. What's your secret? - I've been working out and watching my diet. - I'm eating healthier!
ga090412 -- RAAAAHR!!! - Holy BONES, Corporal! There's a giant monster invading the city! That's not a monster, Sir. - What are you talking about?! Call out the artillery!! It's just a bad actor in a rubber suit. - OH, it's NOT! It's a monster! Come
ga090412 -- on...I can see the zipper! - Egad! A ZIPPER Monster! That's the worst kind! And that's not a real city. - INSOLENCE! I'll have you COURT-MARTIALED!! These are just tiny little model buildings... - General Cordwood seems to have buried himself
ga090412 -- in the part. See? PUT MY HOUSE DOWN!!
ga090413 -- Z - Hmmm, still dark. - Z
ga090414 -- Garfield, you've slept your whole life away! - That's not true. - Although I don't seem to recall my teens.
ga090415 -- I'm not lazy... - I'm "sedentary". - Which is classy lazy.
ga090416 -- That's Wally Sneedhocker. - He used to stuff me into my school locker every day. - Now he's an undertaker. Go figure.
ga090417 -- This is GREAT, Garfield! - With all the old t-shirts I found in this box... - I may never have to do laundry again! DYNOMITE OR show your face in public.
ga090418 -- I made a short list for Jon's trip to the grocery store. - Very short. - Here's what *not* to get.
ga090419 -- shake shake shake - flip - doink doink doink doink - doink doink doink doink - BWOINK DOINK - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - clap
ga090420 -- Say, Jon, why don't I come over anf cook you dinner tonight? - Here? In my kitchen? Sure! Why not? - I guess there's time to hose out the fridge. Jon? ...are you there?
ga090421 -- Guess what? I'm not cooking tonight...Liz is! - We're SAVED!! - I mean, oh, really!
ga090422 -- Liz will be here any time! - Wait...my watch has stopped! - Now she'll never get here! Let's hope his kind never multiplies.
ga090423 -- Jon, when was the last time you cleaned your OVEN? - I didn't. - -EVER?! The manual said it was SELF-cleaning. We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga090424 -- Sorry my kitchen was such a mess, Liz. Tht's all right, Jon. - I promised I would fix you dinner, though, and I did. - DING DONG There's the pizza now! Lady, I like the way you cook!
ga090425 -- Kiss me, Jon... Ow! - Lip cramp! - You haven't had a lot of practice kissing, have you? Don't tell his pillow that.
ga090426 -- - Dear Jon, life here with you has become unbearable tic tic tic - I can't stand it in this house another day, so I am running away the French Foreign Legion. tikka tikka tic tic tic - Please don't try to find me. Just know that this is what
ga090426 -- I want, and that it's the best thing for both of us. Goodbye. tikkity tikkity tic tic tic - print print print - - GARFIELD!!
ga090427 -- - - Some days I can't do anything right.
ga090428 -- I think goot times are on their way! - - They must be taking the scenic route.
ga090429 -- We've got a great show tonight. - Or is it tomorrow? - Oh, Gee. Tonight? Tomorrow? Tonight? Tomorrow? It sure ain't tonight, pal.
ga090430 -- THONK - Excuse me for a moment - He prefers to do the "Stubbed Toe Dance" in priveate. GAAAH! YEEE! YAHHHH! EEEESH!
ga090501 -- I'm busy. Oh, me too! - Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy! - Busy saying the word "busy".
ga090502 -- There's nothing like a nice, brisk walk... - You're SO right... - For some of us. FASTER! FASTER!
ga090503 -- - Okay, Garfield! - - - Hee hee hee hee hee hee - - We always read the funnies together.
ga090504 -- Among spiders, I'm considered quite handsome - SMACK! - Well, I WAAAAS!!!
ga090505 -- Hi! - SCHWACK - I am taking you OFF my buddy list!
ga090506 -- Yeah, I'm on my cell...over in the kitchen beside the stupid cat. - SMACK - Leon?...Leon?... You sound like you're breaking up...
ga090507 -- Ahem... - I've been appointed by the other spiders to appeal to your sense of humanity. Can't we all just get along? - Well? Bite him on the eyelids!
ga090508 -- Cootchie.coo! - SMACK! - Can I get you (hee hee) an Aspirin? Oh, shut up.
ga090509 -- The cat is out. Please swat yourself. - SMACK - Service just isn't what it used to be.
ga090510 -- - - - - - BU - uurrrrrrp
ga090511 -- When stalking prey... - It's important to blend you into your background. - Anybody home? NOK NOK
ga090512 -- Cats can even entertain themselves with an empty grocery bag. - munch munch munch - It isn't empty, is it? munch munch It will be!
ga090513 -- I wonder if I may be serious for a moment. - Woo! Hoo! Woo woo!! - Apparently not.
ga090514 -- I need motivation. - Get up and do something, you lazy bum! - Yep! That was life-transforming.
ga090515 -- YAAAAAAH!! - What a horrible nightmare! - It's good to be awake. Look. They've made donuts illegal.
ga090516 -- Don't try to challenge my authority, Garfield. - No, sir, I won't. - You can't challenge what you ignore.
ga090517 -- Oh, boy! - It's that time of year again! - Let's see...where shall I begin? - I know!... - Jon's closet! - DING DONG - Shedding season already?
ga090518 -- What a great day! - AH, NATURE! - I swallowed a bee! Nature has a sense of humor.
ga090519 -- - - Today could use a dimmer switch.
ga090520 -- What a beautiful day for a picnic! - - Unless you're those people! HEY! BRING THAT BACK!
ga090521 -- Hey, cat! Hey, rock! - What'cha doin'? Nothing much. What are you doing? - Waiting for the next glacier. Oh, to be a rock.
ga090522 -- I feel at one with nature. - Me, too. - Squirrelburger?
ga090523 -- Hmm, a walnut tree. - BONK! - Isn't nature great? If you like concussions!
ga090524 -- SLAM! - I'm back from Binky Burger! - I got a "Binky Buster" meal... - Odie, you got the "Officer Bo-Bo Munch-A-Bunch Box"... - And your usual is over there. Hey! - Captain Gorge's Treasure Chest They forgot my "Larder O'Tartar Sauce" again!
ga090525 -- A sombrero! - - Take me to your Chimichangas.
ga090526 -- I like this sombrero. - It's comfortable... - And functional. JUST a minute...
ga090527 -- Uh-oh. - PLOP - Z Siesta attack.
ga090528 -- Tortilla chips, huh? Yep. - MUNCH MUNCH Not bad. MUNCH MUNCH - You really should have salsa with these. It's in the brim. Dip away.
ga090529 -- - OH, no... - I do NOT want to play "Pinata"! No hablo ingles, Senor.
ga090530 -- Hola, amigo! Hola. - - Care to explain yourself?! Let's just say he makes a cheese quesadilla to die for.
ga090531 -- - Oh, look... - Mrs. Feeny's picture is in the paper. - Her daisy garden won "Yard Of The Month" - - MWAHAHAHA -
ga090601 -- Some of these flavored coffees are pretty good. - SLUP Mmm. - Canary.
ga090602 -- - BOOP Hey! - BOOP BEEP BOOP This thing plays little notes! - BOOP BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BOOP I can play a song! - Garfield, what are you doing? - - "!$"$"$$%...
ga090603 -- Are you packed for the fishing trip, Garfield? Yup - Got everything. - Cornmeal, butter, eggs, tartar sauce, buns, deep fryer and 200 miles of extension cord!
ga090604 -- Okay, Garfield. We're going to back the boat into the water. - Let me know when to stop. G'wan back. - That's good.
ga090605 -- Let's see...which lure should I...ah...AH... - CHOO - YAAHH! How about the one in your left nostril?
ga090606 -- Watch the distance of this cast, Garfield! It's gonna be a new world's record! - FLING - Hark, did I hear a trout chuckle?
ga090607 -- nnngggghhhhhhhh... aaeeeeerrrrrrggghhh... - YAHOO! COME TO PAPA! - GET THE NET, GARFIELD! GET THE NET! For the fish, or fo you?
ga090608 -- THAT is an ugly lure! - GOT ONE! -THAT is an ugly fish! Ugly in, ugly out.
ga090609 -- Sigh. Sigh. - Y'know? Fishing's great, Garfield...the fresh air... I smell bait. - The wildlife... Mosquitoes the size of canned hams. zzzzzzz - The solitude, the companionship. Stranded in a dinghy with Tweedledee and Tweedledum. - Kinda
ga090609 -- makes a guy just wanna sing! - Fishing is my life... Fishing is my life...
ga090610 -- CLONK! - I'm attracting a more sophisticated audience. - That was an italian shoe.
ga090611 -- RING RING - RING RING BARK! BARK! BARK! - Did you make tat phone stop ringing?
ga090612 -- - Pet Store - I'd like a hamster, a canary, and a large Cola, please.
ga090613 -- Garfield, I'm thinking about taking you to a pet psychic. - I want to understand what you're thinking. - "Feeeeeed me..."
ga090614 -- - Hey, birthday boy! Wha?... - We're the things you have to look forward to! - Yea! I'm a grey hair! And's I'm a wrinkle! - And don't forget me! What are you? - I'm a liver spot! But I can't SEE you. - Hi, guys! Sorry I'm late!
ga090615 -- They say as you grow older, your ears and your nose continue to grow. - - Let's not grow old. Deal.
ga090616 -- Think young...BE young! - boing boing boing - Does it hurt much? - Don't ever let me do that again.
ga090617 -- I promise, no age jokes this year. -  - I SAID, I PROMISE, NO AGE JOKES THIS YEAR!!!
ga090618 -- I invited Liz over for your birthday. - One...two...three...four... - You're counting cake slices, aren't you? Better take two.
ga090619 -- Happy birthday, Garfield! What's this? - It's a lasagna-shaped cake! Liz made it. - Come away with me.
ga090620 -- So, what's it like to be old and feeble? - Better than being young and edible. - But your wit is as keen as ever! Kiss-up.
ga090621 -- - What a perfect night, Garfield. Uh-huh. - A beautifull moon...a million stars...you and me together... Yup. - Would you like to make it special? I sure would! - But if I order another pizza with Jon's credit card, he'll kiss me. - Arlene? -
ga090621 -- What a perfect night...
ga090622 -- You look down, Garfield. - Are you bored, upset or sleepy? - I only get to choose one?
ga090623 -- Almost everything is your fault! - That's not true. - EVERYTHING is my fault!
ga090624 -- - Here's a good spot to bury your bone, Odie! - DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG I love my job.
ga090625 -- Wow! - What a beautiful view! - I can see a cat food factory from here!
ga090626 -- Jon! You shouldn't leave these things out! - I might eat one! - Fear not, my dear. I'LL protect you.
ga090627 -- ...and that's why I...hey! - You're not Jon! You're a potted plant! - You should wear a name tag or something!
ga090628 -- XAN's Cafe Caffeine - SIP GULP - Woo! Ahhhhhh - WOW, they make strong coffee here. Just how I like it. - SIP CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG - - I think I'll go home and read the encyclopedias. And I'll mow the lawn with my teeth.
ga090629 -- The washing machine's broken... - So I did my laundry in the dishwasher. - Now my underwear smells lemony fresh. And the dishes? Well, that's another story.
ga090630 -- Well, the kitchen's floor's mopped! - - Did you know the linoleum had a pattern? And when was the last time you saw Paisley?
ga090701 -- rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - Check out the carpet! - Fresh vacuum cleaner tracks. I am the MAN!
ga090702 -- - foof - I think it's time to dust. Is it july again already?
ga090703 -- Dusting isn't so hard! - VOOOOOOOO - Not with a leaf blower, it isn't. Hey, I found the couch!
ga090704 -- VOOOOOOOOOO Hmm... - THOOP - The leaf blower *sucks*, too! Oh, for a world where pets could pick their owners.
ga090705 -- SLAM! - I got my hair cut today! - Haircuts are great. You get to sit in a comfy chair and put your feet up... - The barber drapes a big cape over you...you hear the hum of the clippers... - And then afterward he dusts your neck with that
ga090705 -- cool powder. - Everything about it makes you feel special! Oh, come on, Jon, I don't see how... - ...aaah!
ga090706 -- I love mondays! - WHOOMP - So much for reverse psychology.
ga090707 -- What time is it? How should I know? I'm not wearing a watch! - HA! HA! HA! - It was worth it.
ga090708 -- If wearing shades is cool... - I figure wearing *three* pairs of shades must be *three* times as cool! - About ten more pairs and you'll be in the neighborhood, pal!
ga090709 -- ...and that's how I spent my day. - I'm surprised you sat and listened to me this long. What?! - You mean this *isn't* a nightmare?!
ga090710 -- Odie seems to enjoy chasing his tail. - - Well? Not gonna happen.
ga090711 -- Don't claw me. - Or bit me. - Or anything else on the two-hundred-page list. I'm going to smack him with the list.
ga090712 -- Sigh. - Liz is coming over again tonight, Odie. - She comes over every weekend now. - The two of them really seem to get along. - I wonder how serious they really are... - ...and I already ordered the pizza. No anchovies, just the way you
ga090712 -- like it! - Life as we know it has just come to an abrupt and cruel end.
ga090713 -- When I was ten, Thought girls were weird. - Bit now that I'm older... - I KNOW they're weird. With maturity comes great wisdom, my son.
ga090714 -- Liz is coming over tonighjt. - - Guess I oughta power wash the living room. - I love it when he gets domestic.
ga090715 -- Liz and I rented a movie. Want to watch it with us? - - There will be popcorn. I'll warm up the couch.
ga090716 -- Guess what? What? - I have a surprise for Liz. - And I've hidden it where you can never find it. In which case I have a surprise (burp) for *you*.
ga090717 -- Here, Liz. - That's what's left of your flower after Garfield got through with it. - Uh thank you. And here's a picture of your candy.
ga090718 -- Wow...what a kiss! - Wow...it really was. - Wow. Here comes a big ol' hairball.
ga090719 -- Binky Burger - - PHHHBBBT! - PHHHHHHHBBBBT! PHHBBT! PHH! PLUH! PLUH! PLUH! - PLUH PLUH PLUH PLUH PLUH PLUH PLURT PLURT PLURT PLURT PLORP PLORP PLORP PLORP PLORR SPLEET SPLEET SPLEET slpuh spluh spluh spluh PLUH-A PLUH-A PLUH squort squort
ga090719 -- SQEEZE PLORT - I think we need more catsup. You think?
ga090720 -- The yard doesn't look so good. - Now that you mention it... - Out blade of grass could do with a trim.
ga090721 -- They say playing with your pet can be a real bonding experience. - Funny, but I'm not feeling the love. - Come a little closer. I'LL give you love.
ga090722 -- I have no clean clothes to wear. - I gues I'll just have to break down and do the laundry. - Although I could make a poncho out of the shower curtain. We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga090723 -- Giant man-eating shark off the port bow!! Where? I don't see anyth- - CHOMP - Whoops...starboard. My bad. burrrrp I can never get those right either.
ga090724 -- This house isn't going to clean itself. - - That would be pretty cool, though. Let's wait a few more months, just in case.
ga090725 -- This tag clearly identifies you as my pet. - Cool! - I'm going to annoy big, mean guys!
ga090726 -- - - - - - It's time for reading glasses.
ga090727 -- My birthday is coming up, you know. - Please don't get me anything, though. - Well, there you went and spoiled my surprise.
ga090728 -- Liz is taking me to dinner for my birthday! - - Me. Not us. ME. I hope your Arugula is rubbery.
ga090729 -- Longevity runs in my family, you know... - My great-aunt Edna is 102, and is still sharp as a tack! - The one who sews pants for her chickens? Still drives, too!
ga090730 -- My great-uncle Floyd is 98... - And he STILL goes out into the fields every day. - Most days they're able to find him. Whe he sings to the soybeans.
ga090731 -- That's my family and me at my college graduation. - Mom...and dad...and Doc Boy... What's he holding? - He took that chicken everywhere. The little cap and gown threw me off.
ga090801 -- There's Little Cletus Snitch...he lived up the road from us. - He was a mean kid...always teasing the farm animals. - Then one day a cow ate him. And the Snitch Burger was born.
ga090802 -- - - - - WHIP SLAP! - SPLAT! - Learned that from a Jersey cow. - Those Jersey girls are TOUGH!
ga090803 -- - - Working at home has its disadvantages.
ga090804 -- Cookies! - - I thought I heard flour being sifted! You're incredible.
ga090805 -- I like to think of myself as an outdoorsman. Oh, no! - I'm going to do it! No! Don't do it! - I'm going to open a window! You're a wild man!
ga090806 -- squeek squeek squeek squeek - New shoes. Ah. - squeek squeek squeek
ga090807 -- - - My new shoes are too tight. You think?
ga090808 -- I brlieve in planning ahead. - Becaaauuuuse... - If you spend enought ime planning, you never actually have to do anything.
ga090809 -- - - I was just thinking... - Oh, about your pitful existence? - And how, with your limited mental assets, only hopelessness and despair await you for eternity? - ...and there's nothing you can do about it?! - I was just thinking about getting
ga090809 -- a glass of water!
ga090810 -- splat - splat splat splat splat splat splat splat splat - I see Mrs. Feeny got a new scope for her paintball gun. You'd think it would improve her aim.
ga090811 -- Another threatening letter from Mrs. Feeny. - She's hired a txidermist. - That's his concept sketch. I look so lifelike.
ga090812 -- Who's that? Our neighbor, Mrs. Feeny. - Interesting yard. She's quite the gardener. - I meant the high-voltage fence Oh, that. You get used to the hum.
ga090813 -- I don't think Mrs. Feeny really hates Garfield at all. - I just think she's a very unhappy person, who- - Uh-oh. Here she comes. I've been here all day.
ga090814 -- Don't you think you and Mrs. Feeny should make up and be friends? - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - Did your little talk do any good? It seemed to cheer him up.
ga090815 -- Have you been harassing Mrs. Feeny? Yes. - I harassed her, and I'd gladly do it again! BWA-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! - It's a good thing he can't hear me.
ga090816 -- - Liz and I went shopping at the mall today. - They opened a new pet buotique. - You wouldn't believe some of the stuff they sell there. - Oh, no...you wouldn't. - You didn't. - I'll give you a dollar to eat his credit cards. Tuff Kitty
ga090817 -- - - It's "Lasagna Week" on the cooking channel.
ga090818 -- - Will Eat Homework For Food - Times are tough.
ga090819 -- - What are you doing? Waiting for my spotlight. - You'd think he'd have learned something about cats by now.
ga090820 -- What a boring day. - -
ga090821 -- Look, if you dare, into the dark world of the dog... - pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant scratch scratch scratch - Good luck sleeping tonight.
ga090822 -- Ah! - Eggs! - Now, where's the nest with the bacon?
ga090823 -- - - - - - - Drink meeeeee. I'm gonna need all the cream you've got.
ga090824 -- - EEEEEEEK - Um...I mean, get the mouse. This goes right in my blog.
ga090825 -- I did not sleep a wink last night! Okay, okay... - I'll look into it. - Uh, Tommy, could I have a word with you?
ga090826 -- Garfield, we really need to talk about this mouse problem. - - Go ahead. Anything you say to him, you can say to us.
ga090827 -- - - Oh, the blight of urban sprawl.
ga090828 -- nibble nibble - Whew! Stuffed! - Sharing with mice is nice.
ga090829 -- Weird. The cheese drawer in the refrigerator... - Is FULL of these tiny pieces of paper. - Stop with the I.O.U.s No, no...I'm good for it.
ga090830 -- - - sniff sniff sniff - - - - BURP?
ga090831 -- Happiness is contagious! - - I'm immune.
ga090901 -- Take a look at this, Jon! - This is a pice of blank paper. - Then may I assume you can also see that my dish is empty?
ga090902 -- I cut my finger on your cat food can today. - I hope you appreciate what I go through for you. - I hope you didn't bleed on my food.
ga090903 -- - YAAAAAAH! - Hey, the leftove rcanary in the refrigerator is mine, pal!
ga090904 -- - I know, Odie... - I have dog treats on my breath.
ga090905 -- Sig. - SMACK! - How would you like it if I did that to you?! As long as you're not sighing.
ga090906 -- Chez Gorge - - buzz buzz GAAAHH! - buzz buzz Something's in my shirt! - buzz buzz buzz GET IT OFF ME!!! GET IT OFF ME!!! - buzz buzz buzz - The pager went off. buzz buzz Um...table for two? And a bag for my head.
ga090907 -- Your lobster, Sir. - - There's ANOTHER restaurant I can't go back to. "Crazed diner beats entree with pepper mill."
ga090908 -- Liz and I would like to be alone, Garfield. - I understand completely. - I'd be embarrassed to be seen with him too, lady.
ga090909 -- You know, as a vet I can tell you that cats shouldn't really drink coffee. - - You're funny.
ga090910 -- I't nice to have a man around the house. - There's a man around the house? - I mean YOU, Jon. I knew that! This whole "man" thing is new to Jon.
ga090911 -- Liz always wants to do GIRL things. - Today we went to a CRAFTS FAIR... - And I... *sob!* ENJOYED it! There, there...let's go lie on the couch and scratch ourselves.
ga090912 -- I'm writing a love note to Liz. - And we need a dozen cans of tuna. - Not everything is a shopping list, Garfield. Tell me you're kidding.
ga090913 -- ARF! - ARF! ARF! What's that, girl? - ARF! ARF! ARF! You say little Timmy's fallen down the well again? - ARF ARF ARF ARF And that he's hurt? - ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF And he needs our help? - ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF
ga090913 -- ARF - And that you couldn't care less because the stupid kid never looks where he's going? THIS dog, I like.
ga090914 -- Z - BARK! - Z
ga090915 -- - - Your burger's not done yet. What's taking so long?!
ga090916 -- I'll bet I'm more bored than you are. - That's impossible. - You're not sitting here with YOU.
ga090917 -- Lap Dogs Needs Good Home. - - Now THERE's a lap I'd like to see.
ga090918 -- Garfield, can you help me? - The zipper on my muscle suit is stuck. - I HOPE THAT HURT! hee hee hee hee hee
ga090919 -- Somebody pushed Little Timmy down the old well! - Uh... - There isn't a security camera there, is there?
ga090920 -- - - - - SPLOT - My bad.
ga090921 -- bzzzzzzzzzzzzz - SMACK - You gonna eat that?
ga090922 -- - - Summer's over.
ga090923 -- Woo-ee, Vern! Lookee at that cat! Great goshamighty, Gomer! He's a BIG 'un! - Take my pitchur with it, Gomer! Smile an' say "Pork Rinds"! - One more, Vern...he moved.
ga090924 -- - phhhhhhhhht - Didn't buy it, huh? My purr needs work.
ga090925 -- - - Busy day? Yeah, but it was a good busy.
ga090926 -- Yessiree, I am in a GOOD mood... - And not even YOU can spoil my day, you fat slob! - ...Larry went with a smile on his lips and the comics section on his face.
ga090927 -- - I'll make a deal with you. - You don't splash me, and I won't splash xou. - Agreed. - -
ga090928 -- - Odie, would you please not stand so close to me? -
ga090929 -- WHIRRRRRRRRRR - - Never floss near a blender. You missed a spot...
ga090930 -- I'll bet there are fish in this lake. - You got THAT right, fat boy? - You're all wet. It was worth it.
ga091001 -- B-bl B-bl B-bl B-bl B-bl B-bl! - B-bl B-bl B-bl B-bl B-bl B-bl! - You are watching the Flipping-Your-Lip network. - Is it possible there are too many channels?
ga091002 -- Guess what I bought at the hardware store... - A DRYWALL PATCH! - Now I just need a hole! How about the gaping one in your head?
ga091003 -- I'm bored. - But not too bored. - What are you doing? Striving for perfection.
ga091004 -- - Garfield's toy mouse. - I love how the little eyes pop out. squeek squeek squeek squeek - Hi, Garfield.  squeek squeek squeek Hi. - squee- - - My little brave man. Whoa...toys have it rough!
ga091005 -- What a day it's been! - - I'm theorizing here.
ga091006 -- I'll split that with you. - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! - Oh, come on...THAT was funny.
ga091007 -- BURP! - You have a lot of bad habits. true... - But, you know, I still feel like I could have more.
ga091008 -- Beware Of Cruel Dog - Cruel? - Guess Your Weight And Age
ga091009 -- - - Stop slobbering or learn to swim.
ga091010 -- Colonel, look! An UFO has landed on the parade ground! - Egad, corporal, this is historic! Man meets aliens! What a moment! - What are they doing now? Emptying their septic tank, sir. "Saucer trash"
ga091011 -- Sigh... - I miss high school. - Did I ever tell you I was on the pep squad? - Our team was "The Fighting Cows." I led cheers all the games. - I bet my old uniform still fits! - Jon? Are you home? - GIMME A "C"!! Always phone first.
ga091012 -- Look, Liz forgot her purse. - - Touch it. Are you kidding? It might go off!
ga091013 -- I called Liz. She said she'd pick up her purse in the morning. - - Looks like it's spending the night here. Don't we have a lead-lined box or something?
ga091014 -- Liz's purse smells like her. - I wonder what my wallet smells like. - A sweaty black pocket. And scientific curiosity is sated once again, ladies and gentlemen!
ga091015 -- Having a purse in the house completely disrupts the swinging bachelor vibe around here. - - What? Say that again for my webcam, and I'll make you famous.
ga091016 -- DING DONG That'll be Liz to pick up her purse. - Thanks, Jon...I've gotta run to work. kiss* - FEEL FREE TO LEAVE IT MORE OFTEN! Close, the door, you're letting the mush in!
ga091017 -- I remember my aunt Orleen carried a REALLY big purse around all the time. - Her right biceps was as big as her thigh. - She was a sight in a strapless evening gown. And thank you in advance for my new nightmare.
ga091018 -- - - - BARK BARK BARK BARK - RRRRRR RRRRRRR - -
ga091019 -- I must claw something! - Whew! I feel much better. - Have you seen my new curtains? Define "new".
ga091020 -- I must admit there's one thing about Odie... - - He makes me fell fun to be around.
ga091021 -- Nobody would dare to push you around, Garfield. - You got that right, pal. - They might pull a muscle. Hey!
ga091022 -- I can't go out tonight, Liz...I have a terrible cold. - Don't worry, though. Garfield's taking good care of me... - As in NOT! Can't you breathe in the other direction?
ga091023 -- Today I volunteered to help clean up the city park! - It felt so good to be giving BACK to the community! - And he got to swing on the swings. And I got to swing on the swings!
ga091024 -- I'm surprised you haven't caught my cold yet. - Are you listening to me? - Pardon?
ga091025 -- SLAMP! - Want to hear about my date with Liz? Do I have a choice? - We were in the car, staring into each other's eyes... - I reached out to turn on the car radio, but pushed the lighter instead... - Then it popped out into my lap, I screamed
ga091025 -- and jumped, my head went through the car roof, the airbags went off, and the horn stuck. - sigh - I've never been thrown out of a drive-in movie before. You have a rare and special gift, Jon Arbuckle.
ga091026 -- Now, nobody panic! We're all safe in here! - There's no way a big, stupid, bloodthirsty monster like that can figure out a locked door! - DING-DONG I'll get it! I wonder who that could be?
ga091027 -- Men, I think the creature is hiding up in that ventilator shaft. - Somebody's got to crawl up there and check it out... - You! Private What's-Your-Name! Private Monster Chow.
ga091028 -- Did you bring me a brain, Igor? An *evil* brain? Yes, master... - It's from an INSURANCE SALESMAN! - Okay, Igor, now you're scaring ME. SOMEone's bucking for "Employee Of The Month".
ga091029 -- Dolores, in case that monster tries to eat us... Yes, Dirk? - Well...I just wanted to say... Yes, my darling?... - I'VE ALWAYS FOUND YOU VERY TASTY!! I think they can cancel the caterer.
ga091030 -- We now return to "Dracula Meets The Chicago Bears". - LOOK AT ZA SIZE OF ZOSE NECKS! - IT'S A MOTHER LODE!! You rarely hear a vampire squeal like a schoolgirl.
ga091031 -- I just spent a WEEK watching bad horror movies. - Seven whole days, utterly, totally, completely wasted. - What's with the triumphant pose? If I told you,I'd just be bragging.
ga091101 -- - - Could you zip me up? - ZIP - The nest is a nice touch. Thank you. - Isn't he the cutest thi- - HEY! Heeeere, birdy, birdy, birdy...
ga091102 -- It's a small world. - - Because you've eaten a large portion of it. For dessert, I'd like some baked alaska!
ga091103 -- No matter how little I do... - - ...I always feel I could do less.
ga091104 -- - - It's a small world. Have you considered venturing beyond the kitchen?
ga091105 -- Look, Grafield! A rubber mouse! - Have fun! - Was he talking to me or you?
ga091106 -- - - Where's my glass of milk? GARFIELD!
ga091107 -- You know, Odie... - You should do something about your condition... - OR AT THE VERY LEAST, HIRE A LIFEGUARD!
ga091108 -- Cafe Caffeine - SIP - zzzz PUNG zzzz - FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP - A-HUH A-HUH A-HUH A-HUH - BWEEEEEEEE - grind grind grind gring grind grind grind I'll have what HE'S having.
ga091109 -- How's life been treating you, Hon? I have a girlfriend now, Irma! - - I think she needs a shave, Hon. I wouldn't talk with those legs, HON!
ga091110 -- Dr. Wilson... Yes? - Your boyfriend's in the waiting room with a banjo. - Oh, no. Shall I get the tranquilizer gun?
ga091111 -- Ohhh I'm foamin' at the mouth over youuuu... You're the vet who's my sweetie, oh so truuuuue... - In-oculate me with your love, oh please doooo... 'cuz I'm foamin' at the mouth over you. - Like it? Uhhhh... All the patients are outside eating
ga091111 -- grass.
ga091112 -- You should have seen Liz's face when I played her my song. - It looked like this. - I love that face. You see it enough.
ga091113 -- Jon, thanks for serenading me at work with your banjo. You're welcome, Liz. - Please don't do that again though, okay? Why not? - The chihuahua I was examining went into shock. They always look that way.
ga091114 -- There are things I never realized about being a boyfriend. - I have awesome responsibilities now... - I hate to shave on WEEKENDS! No one ever said love was easy.
ga091115 -- - Are you really going to EAT that? - Do you know how many CALORIES are in that donut? - ...and how much FAT? - ...and how much SUGAR? - - I'll split it with you. The donut or the guilt?
ga091116 -- About here,it's easy to spot a change in the seasons. - FWUMP! - Cartoon weather isn't very subtle.
ga091117 -- Doing good deeds will give you a warm feeling. - - A sweater works, too.
ga091118 -- I love.. - TUNA! - Jon and I know each other so well we can finish each other's sentences.
ga091119 -- Liz, how about dinner tonight? - I know a place with a great b-u-f-f-e-t. - Make it a table for t-h-r-e-e.
ga091120 -- You wouldn't hit a fly with CONTACTS, would you? - SMACK - Nobody move!!
ga091121 -- 101 Cruel Things TO Do - - CLONK! OW! Number 102.
ga091122 -- - Hey, DIRTBAG! - Yeah, YOU King Ugly! You're so ugly, you make onions cry! - You're so ugly, you have to trick.or.treat by phone! - And by the way, Stupidville called...they need you for the town statue! - WHACK! - Open mic night is getting
ga091122 -- out of hand. tap tap tap Is this thing on?
ga091123 -- Guess wht I barbecued! - - Because I've forgotten. THIS is why god made catsup.
ga091124 -- Garfield! Dinner! - - THIS dinner! Hang on! I'm getting to it!
ga091125 -- Beware Of Dog - Woof! - It's a tough week to be a turkey.
ga091126 -- I made something special for us this year... - Something with NO bones... - Turkey pizza! I'll carve!
ga091127 -- This is MY world! - - Catering by Jon.
ga091128 -- Know what we haven't done lately? - Scarf down pastries like a couple of root hogs! - Let's go down to the donut shop and rock their world! I love this dream.
ga091129 -- Are we ready to order? - Could I have just a few more minutes? - GURRRGLE - Just a minute more? - GROWWWL - Jon, you go first. Steakmediumrare, bakedpotato, sourcreamandchives, and thesteamedsparagus. - Ummmmm... More bread? urrrgle BREAD!
ga091129 -- YES!!
ga091130 -- - Christmas will be here soon. -
ga091201 -- Santa knows when you've been good. - And he knows when you've been rolling araound in stuff. - ROWR ROWR ROWRRRR
ga091202 -- Go. - Buy presents. - Buy muchos presents. - You've really got the Christmas spirit, Garfield.
ga091203 -- You haven't been very good this year, you know. - What are you asking Santa for? - Leniency.
ga091204 -- Jon's right. I haven't been very good this year. Maybe I'd better start. - - Ow.
ga091205 -- I remember christmases back on the farm... Uh-oh. - The family all making corn cob ornaments together... Here we come. - Doc Boy hot gluing sequins to my forehead... And there we go.
ga091206 -- - - slurrrp - - - Z - Isn't your Christmas list to Santa sent YET?! It's a big file.
ga091207 -- Hi, there! - I'd like the cheapest tree you've got! - This is an air freshener! Cash or charge, Diamond Jim?
ga091208 -- - - The tree's still crooked.
ga091209 -- Don't blow a fuse...don't blow a fuse...don't blow a fuse... - plug - HA! The toaster is riverdancing.
ga091210 -- Garfield, are you climbing the Christmas tree? - Yes and no. -
ga091211 -- You're hard to shop for, Liz. I STILL haven't bought your gift. - Really? I got yours two months ago. - nnnnnnngh! Oh, cheer up. Have somer loser nog.
ga091212 -- Liz, I'm stuck on your gift. I need a hint. - Oh, Jon, you don't have to get me anything. - She's REALLY not playing fair. Love is such a fun spectator sport.
ga091213 -- SLAM! - I went to a girly boutique today to find Liz's gift. - They had fancy soaps, skin creams, and perfumes. - Then this batty old woman wearing ten pounds of makeup runs at me with an atomizer! - I tried to run, but I tripped over a
ga091213 -- basket of luffas, crashed through a moisturizer display, and fell into a pile of potpourri sachets. - Then she puts me in a half nelson, hoses me down with body wash, and force-feeds me bath oil beads. - Now I smell like a
ga091213 -- coconut-cucumber-melon.vanilla-cherry-lemongrass-mango breeze. *sniff* With just a hint of plumeria, I believe.
ga091214 -- "Merry Christmas, from your insurance company". - They always remember. - "P.S. and don't wear a necktie near the blender". They remembered that, too.
ga091215 -- This online shopping is great! All you do is press akey, and... - Oops. click - I just bought 3,200 pecan logs. How'd you know what I wanted?!
ga091216 -- Garfield - -
ga091217 -- Is that the Johnny Mathis Christmas album? - I'll take care of this. - Turn it up!
ga091218 -- Need a stamp for your letter to Santa? Nope. - I already E-mailed him my list. - The server crashed, sir! Gee, let me guess.
ga091219 -- Mrs. Feeny wished me a merry Christmas today! - - She's up to something, isn't she? Beneath that chintz housecoat beats a heart of pure evil.
ga091220 -- - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE- DINGLE DINGLE -
ga091221 -- Hi, grandma! Are you enjoying an old-fashioned Christmas? - Sure, I'll hold on. - She's landing her hang glider in Belize. DING! The figgy pudding's ready!
ga091222 -- Merry Christmas, dad! - Yes, I winterized my lawn mower... - good talking to you, too! Dads keep it short and sweet.
ga091223 -- Merry Christmas, mom! How is everyone? - Oh...that's too bad. - The rooster has strep throat. Chicken soup is good for that.
ga091224 -- Liz is coming over for Christmas! - Does the house look okay? Jon, it's Liz. - Better clean. Like your life depended on it.
ga091225 -- A new stethoscope! Oh, Jon! It's engraved. - "From my heart, to your ears. Love, Jon." - I gotta give him this one.
ga091226 -- - - Go away!
ga091227 -- Oooooh Ahhhhh Urf - Boy, did we eat a lot. Did we ever. Urf - I'd nominate this the best Christmas ever. Second the motion. Urf - All in favor... - BURRRRRP - Motion carried. Meeting adjourned. Urf - Z Z Z
ga091228 -- *sigh* Christmas always ends so soon... - COME BACK, CHRISTMAS! - ...AND CAN YOU PICK UP SOME EGGNOG ON THE WAY?!
ga091229 -- So what did you get the missus this year? - A cheese grater. - That's the look SHE gave me! Mouse, cat, man...we're all in the same boat, pal.
ga091230 -- No doggy greeting! - - Hey! Where was my doggy greeting?
ga091231 -- I wonder if anything is going on. - - Like a party I haven't been invited to.
ga100101 -- Well, Garfield, we survived another holiday season. - Now all we have to do is survive another year. - Or just today. Have I told you how much I enjoy these little pep talks?
ga100102 -- I'd like to forget the bad times. - The ceiling needs mopping. - But it's hard to keep up.
ga100103 -- - - - - - GAAAAAAAA - The first and last annual meeting of the Polar Bear Club will now come to order. AAAA AAHH HHHH HHHH
ga100104 -- There's only one way to get ahead in this world. - Sponge off someone else! - Hard work. Whoa, there are TWO ways?!
ga100105 -- You know that loose board on the porch? - I finally nailed it back down! I heard. - Let's see what's next on my list. Screams like that really carry.
ga100106 -- Arlene, you look nice today. - Why, thank you, Garfield, so do you. - Don't you know it! Aaand the moment has passed.
ga100107 -- - - This is one of my favorite spots. You don't say.
ga100108 -- The living room is OFF LIMITS tonight, guys. Liz and I are watching TV. - But we don't WANNA watch TV. - We wanna watch you and Liz. wink wink
ga100109 -- Donuts are bad for you, you know. - - And I love it when you're bad.
ga100110 -- Okay, let's see... - No. - No. - No. - Now, that looks nice! But this is just my blue shirt with a necktie! - You look very handsome. - I will NEVER understand women. Like that's a requirement.
ga100111 -- pat pat pat - Mrs. Feeny is o the phone. She's fast -
ga100112 -- - - Some people just don't look so good after they diet.
ga100113 -- It's Supergarfield. - And his trusty sidekick, Odieboy! - Hey, Odieboy, that's MY superpower! Z
ga100114 -- It's not easy being a crime fighter around here. - Because there isn't any crime. - Except what Odieboy did to the rug last thursday.
ga100115 -- Come, Odieboy! Time to do battle with our enemies! - Actually, those pzzas weren't REALLY our enemies. - Wait. I spoke too son.
ga100116 -- Odieboy is being held captive! - By his archrival... - The LEASH!
ga100117 -- FRRT! FRRT! FRRT! - FRRT! FRRT! FRRT! - HONK HONK HONK FRRT! FRRT! FRRT! - PHHHT PHHHT HONK HONK HONK FRRT FRRT FRRT - SNORT SNORT SNORT PHHHT HONK HONK FRRRT FRRRT - B-BLL B-BLL B-BLL SNORT SNORT PHHHT PHHHT HONK HONK FRRT FRRT - B-BLL B-BLL
ga100117 -- B-BLL SNORT PHHHT HONK FRRT FRRRT FRRRT I dread the weeks Jon's Club meets here.
ga100118 -- Well, the polar ice caps are melting. - So? - From now on, *I* set the thermostat! Oh, sure! Blame me!
ga100119 -- Beware Of Dog - Thrills Galore! - You Must Be This Tall To be Bitten -->
ga100120 -- You know...my life isn't perfect... - All you do is sleep! - ...regardless of what others think.
ga100121 -- - Donut Shop - Where should we go on our next vacation, Garfield? Funny you should ask!...
ga100122 -- We can get a lot from books. - For instance... - I'm now taller!
ga100123 -- dingle dingle BOINK - Uh-oh. - Nothing good can come from this.
ga100124 -- - - - - GARFIELD! WAKE UP! - IT'S SNOWING! -
ga100125 -- I will NEVER understand crossword puzzles. - - That's sudoku, you dip. What's a three-letter word for "five"?
ga100126 -- - 8 - I'll do my OWN Sudoku, thank you!
ga100127 -- Doing the Sudoku puzzle? Yeah. I've been working on it all day. - I finished mine while I ate breakfast. -
ga100128 -- - -
ga100129 -- erase erase erase erase Sigh... - I may have figured out what "Sudoku" means... - I think it's Japanese for AAAARRRGGHHH!! Hey, that was in my crossword puzzle!
ga100130 -- I did it! It took me all week, but I finally did it! - I finished a Sudoku! - Perhaps you should celebrate by bathing.
ga100131 -- - Hide me! - I just escaped from the zoo! - And you are? Duh! The king of the jungle! - With THAT hair? What's wrong with it? - Oh, where to start... - And you are? Furious with my stylist. You beast.
ga100201 -- Who wants to scratch me behind the ears? - - Ah! A volunteer!
ga100202 -- Garfield! - GARFIELD! - Didn't you hear me calling you? I assumed you were shouting my name for the sheer pleasure of it.
ga100203 -- I have a headache. - You have a head? - Please! Don't make me think! Sorry.
ga100204 -- Jon! I missed you! - - Now I miss missing you.
ga100205 -- Let's do something. Like what? - Something fun! No way! - You know how I hate trying new thinga.
ga100206 -- Maybe Jon would treat me nicer... - If I treated HIM nicer. - Or, I could just fake an injury. You okay, pal?
ga100207 -- And now, a word from our sponsor. - Friends, how many times has THIS happened to YOU? - BAM! BAM! BAM! GAAAHHH! MY THUMB!!! - *BUMP* SSSSSS YAAHH! HOT STOVE!! - WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AGGA AGGA AGGA AGGA NECKTIE IN THE BLENDER!!! - If this is YOU,
ga100207 -- then you need Honko's Chain Mail Body Sock! Wow! - Jon should get one. GAAAHHH! MY THUMB!!!
ga100208 -- SLAM! - THAT was a short date. - Liz sent me home to change. My eyes!
ga100209 -- *click* - send - How about that? Burn the jacket!
ga100210 -- There's no WAY you can't like THIS suit! - - Is this a genetic thing? No, it's seersucker. Tiddy boom.
ga100211 -- Okay, I'm ready to go out! NO plaid. - How about now? NO tie-dye. - I told you, NO ugly ANYTHING. Poof! There went the whole wardrobe!
ga100212 -- Hey! Here's a clean shirt! - I don't know why I've never worn this one... - SPOOT!
ga100213 -- Liz thinks I have no fashion sense. - Well, I'll show her! - Where's my paisley ascot? I'd better close the drapes.
ga100214 -- Chez EATS - I bet Garfield was a cute kitten. Oh, he was... - Wanna see a picture? - You keep a picture of your cat as a kitten...in your wallet? Sure! - - SMOOOOOCH - I owe you one, Garfield. Lips that touch vets shall never touch mine!
ga100215 -- Sorry I'm late! - I lost track of the time! - I will not dignify that comment with a response. "Lost track of time"...get it?
ga100216 -- Welcome to our humble home! - - And boooooooy, is this place humble.
ga100217 -- It's good to be alive! - I agree. - Not great..."good".
ga100218 -- You know what the world needs more of? - Frosting? - Niceness. With frosting on it!
ga100219 -- I've been awake for 72 hours! - - Not in a row, mind you, but that's still a lot!
ga100220 -- Ever want want anything you know you can't have, Garfield? Yup. - -like morality? Nope. - -like fame? Like 25 hours of sleep every day!
ga100221 -- - Beware Of The Dog - Pick a card...any card...go ahead! - Don't tell me! Don't tell me! - It's the three of clubs! Nope. - Yes, it is! No, it isn't. - BARK! BARK! BARK! I knew this would turn ugly.
ga100222 -- Level one: YAAAAHH! - Level one: EEEEEEK! Level one: AIIIIYYYEE! Level one: GAAAHHH! - How's the video game going?
ga100223 -- Here we go... Level one: - YAAAAGGHH! - Impressive graphics. It says you're supposed to reattach your head and try again.
ga100224 -- You must save the princess. Choose your character. BOOP - "Sir Whines-A-Lot"?! That's the one I always choose! - I want to be Sir Whines-A-Lot!! Talk about your type-casting.
ga100225 -- O.L., you have a choice here...you can either squish my guy, or take the chest full of gold coins! - sQUISH! - Why? Money isn't everything.
ga100226 --  - Congratulations! You saved the princess! -
ga100227 --  - Congratilations! You saved the princess! -
ga100228 -- Sigh... - I keep a framed picture of Liz beside my bed... - She's the screen saver on my computer, too. - Plus, I carry a snapshot of her in my wallet... - And I put her picture on my cell phone. - I guess I just can't get enough of her. I
ga100228 -- hear you, man. - I feel the same way about cheese puffs.
ga100301 -- Hey, Garfield! - Read the shirt, bozo. Do Not Disturb - I'm fine, thanks for asking!
ga100302 -- Here comes the future! - Here it is! - Gee, it was a lot like the past.
ga100303 -- - Oh, no! SLAP Coming Soon To This Site: Nature - Am I the only one concerned about the plight of our nation's mini malls?
ga100304 -- What? - Tell me what I've done. - Because I'd like to do it again!
ga100305 -- This stealing food stuff has got to stop. Understood? Understood. - Okay, give me a hug. - That is one ugly photo I.D. Hey!
ga100306 -- I'm making big plans for the future, Garfield! - - For starters, I'm hoping to get a pen with ink in it. Whoa, getting a little ambitious there, aren't we?
ga100307 -- - Who wants to go out? - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Who wants to go back in? Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!
ga100307 -- Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!
ga100308 -- It's as if a dark curtain has been lifted from over my soul... - My life has MEANING again! - New batteries in the TV remote. - Can I get a HALLELUJAH!!! click click click click click
ga100309 -- We now return to "World's Worst-Dressed" - - Cool SUIT! Sigh.
ga100310 -- Act now! - click - Fast enough for you, pal?
ga100311 -- A spokesman for the company stated that, "it just vanished completely". - Authorities admit that this just may have been "the perfect crime". - There's an ice cream truck parked in the garage. You saw nothing.
ga100312 -- Oh, Terrence, tell me that you love me! - Terrence?...Terrence?... I'm WATCHING the GAME! - oooooWEEEE THERE'S a novel new place to park the remote.
ga100313 -- Cat Theater presents: "Romeo and Juliet" - HACK! CRASH! - Hark, what hairball through yonder window breaks? - Man, that Shakespeare guy could really write!
ga100314 -- So, Liz... - Did you always want to be a vet? Oh, yeah... - Ever since I was a little girl. - I just love helping animals... - Their love is so unconditional. - - I'll purr for a donut.
ga100315 -- Garfield, you lack ambition... - and personality... - and self-control, and tact, and comparison, adn... We may be here for a while.
ga100316 -- Every name means something, Garfield. - I'm looking mine up. - "Jon...he who gets beat up for his lunch money". Now that's just scary.
ga100317 -- - - Then he started kicking me!
ga100318 -- "Cat Owner's Survey...question one" - "Does your cat clean himself?" - Check. Where's the moisturizing, volumizing, detangling conditioner?
ga100319 -- Bark. - Is that it? - Did I leave something out? No, no. I guess the magic is gone....
ga100320 -- Is MY donut good, Garfield? - Enjoying MY donut, are you? Look. - An unguarded donut is MY donut.
ga100321 -- Hmm... - It says here that cats are smarter than dogs... Check. - ...and that cats are starter than humans... Check. - ...and that cats should be pampered... Big check. - ...And that cats are a gift to mankind, and should be worshipped...
ga100321 -- Checkaroon! - ...and that cats are so gullible, they can't figure out I'm just making this up... Che...wait a minut. - Oh, look. It says that cats can't take a joke.
ga100322 -- Shouldn't you be barking at me? - Name? Garfield. - You're not on the list. Come on! I'm a VERY happening cat!
ga100323 -- Oom bah bah oom bah bah - Oom bah bah ree bop! I was expecting to be barked at. - Can I, just once, try something a little different?! I prefer the classics.
ga100324 -- BARK! BARK! HAR... - Oh, my throat! - Time for a nice cup of tea with a little honey. And don't forget the twist of lemon, you big sissy!
ga100325 -- My brother does most of the barking around here. Oooh, I'm so afraid. - BARK! BARK! - By any chance, is one of you adopted?
ga100326 -- You aren't so tough. - Oh, what a terrible thing to say! - Boo hoo hoo! Oookaaayy, you're tough.
ga100327 -- Beware Of The Dog - Or Not - Z Okay Don't Like they needed a sign...
ga100328 -- - Hi there. Who's that? - I am nature. I am the sky. - I am the mountain. - I am the ocean. - Pretty impressive, huh? Uh-huh. - If you can't be a cat.
ga100329 -- I'm here to help. - - See how much less we're getting done as a team?
ga100330 -- Something it seems like... - I'm just going through the motions... BOOT! CRASH - And then pick Odie lands on Jon's toothpick Eiffel tower and it all seems worthwile again!
ga100331 -- - I think the coffee's a little strong today. - It doesn't need a cup.
ga100401 -- A new day dawns! - The sun is shining! - It must be grocery shopping day. I started the car for you!
ga100402 -- Farmers' Market - Farmers' Market - Farmers' ****** That's all that's left.
ga100403 -- I miss out on a lot of things. - I'm going to brush my upper teeths with one toothpaste, and my lower teeth with another toothpaste! - But not nearly enough things.
ga100404 -- - Garfield, LOOK! What? - TWANG yoing yoing yoing yoing - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - Jon, LOOK! - Yeah, riiiiiiight. - How stupid do you think I am?
ga100405 -- That's me the knight of the homecoming place. - I was too nervous to ask any girls at school, so I took my cousin... - Cliff was a lousy dancer. Lovely corsage.
ga100406 -- Why do I smell peanut butter cookies? I'll check it out. - Yes? - Lucky for us, she baked a double batch.
ga100407 -- You disgusting pig! - - I wouldn't take that. He was talking to YOU.
ga100408 -- Why must everything go right? - I mean wrong! See? I can't even gat THAT wrong! - I MEAN RIGHT! For those of you keeping track, two wrongs made a right.
ga100409 -- This is hour twenty of the Cat Benefit Telethon. - Let's check the tote board... - Eleven cents! Like cats care.
ga100410 -- Life is constantly changing. - Then by definition... - This must not be life.
ga100411 -- - - - - - - We're home now, stupid.
ga100412 -- You never show me any gratitude. - SLAP Good job, pal. - OW! And that's the thanks I get?!
ga100413 -- HOP HOP HOP - HOP HOP - I shrank my underwear in the dryer. Do that funny walk again!
ga100414 -- I washed the car with my favorite old T-shirt today. - It felt like I had insulted it. - How does one apologize to a t-shirt? Usually in front of a therapist.
ga100415 -- I CAN'T throw this t-shirt away, Liz! I've had it for years! - Garfield, help me out her! - beep. The shirt, please.
ga100416 -- Liz just doesn't understand how a guy FEELS about his favorite t-shirt. - You understand, don't you, old buddy? - beep. WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!!
ga100417 -- Garfield! Jon, Jon, Jon, Jon. - - Why are you staring at me like that? You owe me three "Garfields".
ga100418 -- - Hi, Grafield. Hi, Arlene. - How was your dinner? Lousy. - Jon burned the pot roast, the gravy was lumpy and the brussels sprouts were soggy. How was yours? - I ate a rat. - - Mint?
ga100419 -- I'm writing a profile of myself for my blog. - Of course I had to pad it a bit to make myself sound more brainy. - "Can count backward from 100"? Chicks dig smarts.
ga100420 -- Jon's Blog: Today my cat viciously attacked and devoured my precious pet goldfish. - Who knew that my cat was capable of such an evil and unspeakable deed? - I do have a NAME, you know. SMACK!
ga100421 -- I haven't had a single hit on my blog. - You'd think people would be interested in what I have to say! - Well, they WOULD! Is it sunny in Jonland today?
ga100422 -- Today a lady at a Chinese restaurant sneezed on me. - ...what was up with *that*?! - My blog is getting edgier! There's a snow pea on your shirt.
ga100423 -- Nobody ever visits my blog...it's too dull. - I guess no one wants to read about an ordinary guy and his cat. - Time to make stuff up! Give me an eye patch and a goatee!
ga100424 -- My new call phone has a areally cool ringtone. - - Want me to play it? It's the only way we're ever going to hear it.
ga100425 -- SLAM! - You wouldn't believe what happened to me! - I went out to get the paper, and my robe got caught on a passing street sweeper. - I swept five neighborhoods with my FACE before I could get the driver's attention. - It took three fire
ga100425 -- companies and a crowbar to get me loose. I'm lucky to be alive. - - What happened to my muffin? I ate it, Vac-Boy. Where's the paper?
ga100426 -- Have some tuna-flavored things. - You know what else is tuna flavored? - TUNA!
ga100427 -- - -
ga100428 -- - BURP - You're disgusting. And we're out of soda.
ga100429 -- Have you seen my brother? - Where'd you last see him? Right where you are now. - Fomeone geth fiss mard mall moff me! Found 'im.
ga100430 -- I hear you're a real tough cat. - But you don't scare me. - AYIEEEEE!!
ga100501 -- Odie! Somebody's at the door! - YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! - Huh? It's you, Einstein!
ga100502 -- ...and he loves animals too, Mom! - This young man of yours sounds nice, dear. What does he do? He's a cartoonist. - Mon?... Mom? Lizzie, it's dad. What did you just tell your mother? - What's wrong, daddy? She's hyperventilating into a paper
ga100502 -- bag. - I told her my boyfriend is a cartoonist. - - Dad? C'mon, Betty, don't hog the bag.
ga100503 -- Why don't we stay in tonight, and have a candlelight dinner for... - - ...TWO. Bye now.
ga100504 -- I had a dream about Liz last night. Oh, me too. - She told me she loved me. She told me she loved me, too. - It was very romantic. And then I ate a wooly mammoth.
ga100505 -- Cheer up, Pooky... - Here, I have just the thing... - Better.
ga100506 -- Liz's eyes are so beautiful... - More beautiful than mine? flutter flutter flutter - You're strange. Why do I even bother to keep myself up?
ga100507 -- - - I am NOT embarrassing to be seen with. - The bag doesn't lie.
ga100508 -- Odie, here are the rules for today. - No barking, running, panting, or slobbering. - In other words, today you're a cat.
ga100509 -- - We wrote a song about you, Garfield. - * Oh, the cat is fat, but we don't care! * - * And the cat is lazy, but we don't care! * - * And the cat is ugly, but we don't caaaaare... *  - * 'Cause he won't eat us! * - He's gonna pay for those
ga100509 -- strings! Shut up, Herman.
ga100510 -- The tuna noodle casserole just burst into flames. - - I'll hose it down, and you get the catsup. We're bachelors, baby.
ga100511 -- Odd looking ball of yarn. - - That spaghetti was for dinner!
ga100512 -- Oiling the floor keeps me from having to walk. - Pretty clever, huh? - THUD!
ga100513 -- Me - Me - "Me"? I'm a big fan.
ga100514 -- Mr. Mayor! The giant radioactive snail is approaching the city! - How long have we got, general? - Six, seven months, at least. I think I can squeeze in a snack.
ga100515 -- My poor fish! Never to return! - BURP! - How about a cameo appearance?
ga100516 -- BWA-ha-ha!! - BWA-HA-HA! Eat more vegetables! They're good for you! I'LL save you! - SMACK! PUNCH PUNCH POW! - And the world is once again safe for deep-fries treats! Thanks to YOU, Captain Donut! - ...for I shall seek out those
ga100516 -- vitamin-ridden evildoers, wherever they may lurk... - ...and vanquish each and every one of them with my mighty rush of sugary goodness... - What's with the tiny cape? Too hard to digest...
ga100517 -- Hold on, you're breaking up... - That's a little better... - Perfect! Ah, technology!
ga100518 -- - New headset. - Geek chic.
ga100519 -- This texting stuff is hard. - I think my thumbs are too fat. - How do you tone your thumbs? Channel changer crunches, my man!
ga100520 -- We've had enough of your bullying ways, fatso! - Strength in numbers! - Yeah! Now I know how Gulliver felt.
ga100521 -- click - - Now THERE'S a good-lokkin' uvula! We have to date tonight.
ga100522 -- You know, Garfield, I don't care how lazy you are... - I accept you for who you are. - Accept me two steps to the left...you're blocking my view of the TV.
ga100523 -- Hello? - Yes, I'd like to order a pizza... - With canaries. - Goldfish. - And extra catnip. - You don't have tose toppings? - Told ya! What if we supply the ingredients?
ga100524 -- These were taken when my mom and dad were dating. - He took her out every saturday night. - Here they are on their way to town. I've never seen airbags in a buckboard.
ga100525 -- Ah, the boring life... - Quick! Garfield! I need a belt, a fishbowl, and a fire extinguisher!! - I sure miss it.
ga100526 -- Oh, hi, Arlene. - Do you ever think about me, Garfield? Whenever I'm not thinking about me. - So that's a "no". Oh, hi, Arlene.
ga100527 -- - Toothbrushes can't swim. - I have a bad feeling.
ga100528 -- I forgive you for yelling at me, Jon. - Which you'll be doing shortly. - CLAW CLAW CLAW GARFIELD!
ga100529 -- I AM sick, you know! - Would it kill you to show a little compassion?! - There, there.
ga100530 -- OK, Liz...bye. - That wa sLiz...AGAIN. - She's always calling me! - It's all "what are you doing?"..."how are you feeling?"..."how's work?"..."did you feed the cat?"... - "I'm so excited about our date"..."I miss you"..."I can't wait"..."I'm
ga100530 -- counting the minutes"... - - SHE LOVES ME! Let's go back to "did you feed the cat?"
ga100531 -- Ice cream truck! ding ding - - There's nothing left but that little bell.
ga100601 -- *** - You are the worst songbird ever. - Not my arrangements, man!
ga100602 -- I like to plan big! - And do you know why? - So you can fail big? That's your smart remark expression.
ga100603 -- R-R-R-R-R-R zzzzzz - SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP - zzzzzzzz That was exciting! My turn! zzzzzzzz
ga100604 -- Ow. - Trying to figure life out makes my head hurt. - Try having NINE of them to figure out, pal.
ga100605 -- Well? - Jon, I believe your coffee has crossed that fine line from freshly brewed... - To roofing tar.
ga100606 -- Sigh... - It's my birthday. - And nobody remembered. - Happy birthday! - Did you get me a present? No. - Are you throwing me a party? No. - Still, it's nice to be remembered.
ga100607 -- Echo Point - Echo Point - Well? Made you go first!
ga100608 -- - 'night, Jon. - Tomorrow's breakfast.
ga100609 -- I think you should have a nickname, Garfield. - Let's see, what could it be?... - How about "Lord Of Lard"? I like it.
ga100610 -- An empty cat food bowl. - The world's saddest sight. - And in second place, ladies and gentlemen...
ga100611 -- What would it be like if cats ruled the world? - - "If"?!
ga100612 -- Ol' Shecky was a fun fish. I'll sur emiss him. - I guess it's true what they say... - "Never eat the entertainment".
ga100613 -- Garfield... - What kind of birthday cake would you like this year, Garfield? - Glad you asked. - - - - I've never seen a blueprint for a cake before. And this is the electrical schematic.
ga100614 -- Birthdays are about more than just cake and ice cream, you know. - - Okay, so they're not. You crazy kidder, you.
ga100615 -- I may be getting older, but at least I have nine lives. - Well, eight anyway. - Stupid fuzzy bologna.
ga100616 -- I don't know why you're so upset about another birthday... - Growing older is just a natural part of life! - Just like ear hair and wheezing! You can go now.
ga100617 -- What would you like for your birthday this year? - A cake? - Oh, a BIG cake.
ga100618 -- - - Are you done licking the bowl? These things take time.
ga100619 -- Make a wish! Like THAT ever works. - DING-DONG - Happy birthday, Garfield! I stand corrected.
ga100620 -- - This is going to be the best day ever! - THUD! - LEt's say second best. - BZZZZT! - Still top ten. - BAP! I'm going back to bed. This is going to be the best day ever!
ga100621 -- Garfield, if you ever got out of bed... - The world would probably end. - No need for panic, world.
ga100622 -- zzzzzzz - PLOP! zzzzzz - They're learning.
ga100623 -- I am king of the house! - And I'm going to shred the drapes now. - Your majesty.
ga100624 -- I'm on the hunt. - Cats are savy trackers. - That french fry tells ma a hamburger is in the area.
ga100625 -- * - Good news. One of our neighbors now has a Koi pond. - BURP Are you the guy with the cat?
ga100626 -- Liz! - Mmm! KISS KISS SMOOCH - KISS KISS Mwah! That poor picture!
ga100627 -- zzzzz - SWISH zzzzzz - swish swish swish swish zzzz - scree - SMACK! - SPLOT! SWACK! - I'm going to... Hold still!
ga100628 -- Oh, no! We're out of kitty treats! - Oh, wait... - I spoke too soon! Somebody go shopping!
ga100629 -- - - The buffet needs refreshing.
ga100630 -- - For Rent - About the empty fishbowl... Do you have references?
ga100701 -- - PRETTY PROUD OF YOURSELF, AREN'T YOU? - foo
ga100702 -- You can't hurt ME, pal...I'm a PUFFER fish! fffffff - - phhhhhhhhhhtttttttt
ga100703 -- You can't change the past. - True. - That's why they invented lying.
ga100704 -- Hey, Garfield! - Check out this drawing I did of a pig! - - I think I really captured its porkness... scribble scribble scribble - - - Pigs don't have wings! They will before you can outdraw me, pablo.
ga100705 -- Advice What can I do to stop being such a loser? - Hang on... - Ask that question again. Miracles
ga100706 -- - BURP! BURP! - We spend too much time together. You're preaching to the choir.
ga100707 -- Frankly, I don't know how you can eat cat food. - Like this. - Let me know if you need the mystery of the roast beef sandwich cleared up.
ga100708 -- - - Camping IS fun.
ga100709 -- Oh, Garfield... - There's a cat treat in my purse for you. What? - I can't hear you.
ga100710 -- I would appreciate it if you treated Liz like a member of the family. - Okay... - But I thought you wanted me to be nice to her.
ga100711 -- Trevor... - Oh, Trevor, the walls in the parlor are bleeding. Doesn't mean athing, dearest. - The solarium ceiling is covered in black flies... Nothing to concern yourself with, cuddleup. - The kitchen sink told me to get out of the house...
ga100711 -- Wouldn't worry about it, snuggums. - The dumbwaiter is belching fire. The meres of trifles, my huggabug. - A portal to the underworld has opened in the pantry... You needn't knit your brow, buttercup. - Also, the ottoman is eating your feet.
ga100711 -- Do fetch me my screaming jacket, would you, poopsie? Drawing room horror.
ga100712 -- Ha! Ha! Ha! - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - Sorry I'm late. I was busy laughing at the "Beware Of Dog" sign. rrrr
ga100713 -- There's something I should be doing, but I can't think of it. - Bark at me? - Not now! Can't you seen I'm trying to remember something? Ho boy.
ga100714 -- I'd like to warm up with a few growls before I get to the barking. - Ahem. - Grr! Grr! Grr! Shouldn't you have done this before I got here?
ga100715 -- BARK! - Man, that was loid! - Where's that volume knob? You're miked!
ga100716 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - DING Ooh, goody! My blueberry muffins are ready! - They don't make VICIOUS like they used to.
ga100717 -- MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! - MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! - There, how do YOU like it? Don't give up the day job.
ga100718 -- * - We will return after these messages. - IT'S A BLANKET! IT'S A ROBE! IT'S A GIANT HANKY! ALL IN ONE!! - RED INK?! SPAGHETTI SAUCE?! TELLTALE TURNIP STAINS?! ...NO PROBLEM!! - IT SLICES! IT DICES! IT CHOPS! IT CONJUGATES VERBS!! - MY TEETH
ga100718 -- ARE SO WHITE NOW, I BLIND ONCOMING TRAFFIC!!! - Now back to our program. Help!
ga100719 -- - - Sometimes it seems like there isn't enough time in the day to not do all the things that need not doing.
ga100720 -- This is certainly a pleasant... - - ...day.
ga100721 -- dingle dingle dingle - That sounds like the bell from the "Happy Ice Cream" truck! - But where is the "Happy Ice Cream" man? Reinflating his happy tires.
ga100722 -- I'm not going to bark at you. What? - Sob! You don't hate me anymore! - I hate you. Oh, you're just saying that!
ga100723 -- When I'm in a mood to have fun, anything can happen! - - Except fun.
ga100724 -- - claw claw claw - GARFIELD! It's summer, you should thank me.
ga100725 -- Okay, Liz... - How about this? No WAY are you going out in public wearing that. - I want a second opinion! Fine. - - BWA HA HA HA HA HA - You guys are in cahoots! Just put it in the "ick" pile. I'll call the hazmat disposal squad.
ga100726 -- Where should we put our stuff? Anywhere is fine. - How about there, close to the wa- - waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa They call him "Jonny Suave"
ga100727 -- Excuse me, is that your girlfriend? Yes. - KICK - Hi, I'm Rolf. HI, I'm get lost. And I'm with Mr. Sand Face, there.
ga100728 -- The NERVE of that big guy...kicking sand in your face! I should have punched him out! - WAH-HAHAHA! - ...I mean, yeah!
ga100729 -- C'mon, Jon, stop moping about that bully. I should have defended your honor! - Jon...I don't want a big, strong man... - I want YOU. Really? They deserve each other.
ga100730 -- - - Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line, and...
ga100731 -- Let's see...next on my "To-do" list... - NOOGA! NOOGA! NOOGA! - Okay, that's done. I hate that list.
ga100801 -- - - - - - Did you meet my great white guppy? We met. Nice guy. I'll be moving now...
ga100802 -- Nothing lasts forever. - Oh, I wouldn't say that. - Take today, for instance.
ga100803 -- RIIIING! - Meow - Right here will be fine, thank you.
ga100804 -- - - It's my birthday. If there's cake, I won't make fun of you.
ga100805 -- What can you buy a girlfriend who's angry with you? - Hmm... - And why am I consulting a cat? Tuna!
ga100806 -- "Dear Ask A Dog."... - "Every time I try to throw a stick away, my dumb dog keeps bringing it back. What's up with that?" Signed, "Clueless in Seattle" - Dear Clueless, the first rule of training a dog is that you must be smarter than the
ga100806 -- dog...and I have some bad news for you...
ga100807 -- Boredom is a strange thing. - It affects people's minds. - Here, fishy, fishy... - Making them take unnecessary risks...
ga100808 -- Liz and I are pretty serious, Garfield. - Do you think it's time I tell her that I l...lu...luh...luh... - ...loy...leee...laah...lay...loo... - ...LOOOEEEEEEUUUHHHHHHFFF... - - ...that I like her? Go for it, whirlwind romance boy!
ga100809 -- - This place looked nicer in the brochure. - Tourists.
ga100810 -- ! - - That was close. You can have the rest of that.
ga100811 -- Wall... - Hole in the wall... - MOUSE IN THE HOLE! Cheese in the mouse...mous ein the hole...hole in... clap clap stomp stomp
ga100812 -- I want that mouse caught! - -and I want it caught NOW! - And WHAT are you SMILING at?!
ga100813 -- C'mon, just once! Please! No! - Please?! Please?! Please?! All right! All right! - Eek, a mouse. That's right! Uh-huh!
ga100814 -- Help! - I'm being chased by a cet! - I sold him my franchise.
ga100815 -- - - Ugh. - It's too HOT in here to nap. - - - Z
ga100816 -- Do you think there's life on other planets, Garfield? - Sure. - There's gotta be life somewhere.
ga100817 -- Ah, summer nights... - The smell of the neighborhood barbecues... slap slap slap slap slap slap - And the sound of Jon flailing ad mosquitos. slap slap slap slap slap I'M BEING EATEN ALIVE!! slap slap slap slap slap slap
ga100818 -- - SQUIRRT! - Let the catsup festival begin! I hate you.
ga100819 -- Here, Odie! - Here, Garfield! - HERE, GARFIELD! Try bribery!
ga100820 -- Liz doesn't like this tie, and she didn't say why... - - Women! They're enigmas, all right.
ga100821 -- Another wild weekend. - I know what we can do! - Let's get on an elevator, and pretend we're nauseous! Who needs to pretend?
ga100822 --- * - ** Okay, okay... - * Hold a second... - ** Well, THAT'S weird... - * My wallet's stuck sideways in my back pock... - ** I THINK THE ICE CREAM TRUCK WILL WAIT!
ga100823 -- All done. - Did you checl the chemicals? - Yep. See you next week. - Everyone should have a pool mouse.
ga100824 -- Yessiree... - There's nothing like floating on an inner tube in the pool. -
ga100825 -- Mind sharing the pool? - Not at all. - You can have the deep end.
ga100826 -- Um... - Aren't you supposed to be on duty? Nah. - I'm on break.
ga100827 -- - - lap lap lap lap lap
ga100828 -- LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP - LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP LAP - What happened to the wading pool? Awesome work, Odie!
ga100829 -- Sigh. - Pooky, Liz is nagging me about my weight. - Odie won't stop barking. - Jon won't stop whining. - And you... - - ...you always know just what to say.
ga100830 -- Letter for you, Garfield. - Your subscription to "Sloth Magazine" has expired. - That's just pitiful. Lick me a stamp.
ga100831 -- Garfield, you need to be more active. - A fit cat is a happy cat. - And a quiet vet is a likeable vet.
ga100901 -- And with today's thought, Odie! - Yip! - Concise, to the point, and stupid.
ga100902 -- Cats have strong instincts. - I sense danger approaching! - Diet soda? AAAGH!!
ga100903 -- Look what I got for you, Garfield... - A little suit to match mine! - It wasn't easy, but it did fit up his nose. NARFIELD!
ga100904 -- That's my prom picture. - I don't think my date enjoyed the meeting. - She ruined her dress tunneling out of the gym. And, no doubt, broke a nail or two.
ga100905 -- Tsunami Junction - It was a good idea of Jon's to come to a water park. - Say, where is he, anyway? I think he went on that big slide... - eeeee EEEEEEEEEEE - EEEEYAAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAHHHHHHH SPLASH! - The "Atomic Wedgie". Can we go home now?
ga100906 -- Odie will now attempt to read his own mind! - - Nothing is correct!
ga100907 -- How's it going? - - Has that guy bumped his head? More times than you'd believe...
ga100908 -- Odie will now translate what I say for all you dogs out there. - Meow meow meow meow. Arf arf arf arf. - Hold on...I didn't say ANYTHING about kissing dog's feet! *
ga100909 -- SHOVE - bink - Odie's lost weight.
ga100910 -- "Dear ask a dog"... - "Is there life on the moon?" - In the future, please, no questions about the moon. ARRROOOO
ga100911 -- dingle dingle dingle - BLARK - dingle dingle dingle
ga100912 -- Hmmm. - Liz, do you think I'd look good if I grew a... No. - I love you just the way you are! - How sweet! - * KISS - Sigh... - How about just a little... No.
ga100913 -- I have an eye on you. - - Can anybody out there spare a life for this man?
ga100914 -- Well, time to go to work. - HAAACK! - The hairball biz is brutal.
ga100915 -- How are you today, Odie? - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - He could have just said "yip".
ga100916 -- In the old west, disputes were settled the old-fashioned way... - Two cowboys, squared off in the middle of Main Street... - In a lively game of tag! I miss the old days of television.
ga100917 -- So, how was work today, Liz? - Really! - She flossed a gerbil. I hear they are good with hollandaise sauce.
ga100918 -- Hallo, Liz? - Whatcha doin'? - I mean OTHER things than answering my nineteenth call asking you want you what you're doing. Get CALLER I.D., girl.
ga100919 -- - hmmmmmmmm - hmmmmm ploop - nnngh clunk - Greetings! - We are from the planet of tuna-flavored snacks. - What have you been up to today? Oh, just saving planet earth, (burp) that's all!
ga100920 -- - Look! There's Liz! - And this would be Mrs. Feeny's yard. Who put this hedge in the road?!
ga100921 -- I made you sugar-free cookies... - With raisins! - Have you always had this dark side?
ga100922 -- I'm convinced Garfield is plotting against me. - Does that sound paranoid? - Not really. Does so.
ga100923 -- Would you like to go out for dinner, Liz? Sure! - And by "out to dinner," you mean something other than... - ...eating that bag of chips on the front porch, right? She must be psychic!
ga100924 -- Well, good night, Liz. Good night, Jon. - - I can't kiss her if you're watching, Garfield. I can stay as long as you like, Liz.
ga100925 -- Liz is everything I could ever want in a girl. - I only hope with all my heart and soul that she feels the same way about me. - You don't mind me confiding in you like this, do you? Say what?
ga100926 -- - Jon, let's not go out tonight. Let's just talk. - Talk? Sure! We talk on the phone all the time...sometimes for hours! - Um...okay. Good. You start. - Excuse me for a minute. - * beedle beedle beedle - So, how was your day? Get back in
ga100926 -- here. You've gotta ease into these things.
ga100927 -- My car won't start. - So I guess I'll stay home and and do nothing... - What's your excuse? Like I didn't see that one coming.
ga100928 -- AAAAROOOOOOO!! - Did you hear that? Yeah. - That's the call of the stupid.
ga100929 -- Hail! - donk - You're not so tough now.
ga100930 -- - FWEEEEEET! - Stop that! You can't tell me what to do. I have the whistle.
ga101001 -- That's it for tonight, folks! - I hope you enjoyed the show! - BURN THE FENCE DOWN! Never an encore.
ga101002 -- I'm going to write a love letter to Liz. - And great love letters always compare the loved ones to something, what could that be? - Well, duh! Lasagna!
ga101003 -- - - FOOF FOOF FOOF FOOF - FOOF FOOF FOOF FOOF FOOF FOOF FOOF FOOF FOOF FOOF FOOF FOOF - HUUUHHH - FOOOOOOF - Liz! I finally got the coals started! Pizza's here.
ga101004 -- What's new on the menu today, Irma? Oh, a catsup stain, a coffee ring... - And I'm not sure what this is... - That's quite enough, Irma. Maybe I can pick it off... scratch scratch
ga101005 -- Hey, Irma, what does this little heart mean? - That means it's good for you. - Then what do all these little skulls and crossbones mean? That means it's GOOD!
ga101006 -- What's the special today? - You don't want to know. - Gimme the special! There's a gambler in the house!
ga101007 -- Irma, there's something floating in my chicken soup. - That's a chunk of chicken. - With wings? chickens have wings.
ga101008 -- Fred! Hey, buddy! Good to see you! - So, Fred, whatcha got for me today, pal? - I've named the refrigerator.
ga101009 -- I gave Odie a balloon. - Annnnnd... - Yes, he still has it.
ga101010 -- Okay, see you then! - Tonight Liz and I are having a "DVD date night"! - This week she picks the movie, and I make the popcorn! - We'll get comfortable on the couch...pop in the DVD... - Turn down the lights...snuggle up tight...and... - Kiss
ga101010 -- me, Lucretia! SNIF SNORE - I am toast! Are you going to finish that popcorn?
ga101011 -- Okay, here's where you have to slay the dragon. Theis is the part where I always get killed. - snick snick snick snick snick snick - How did you DO that?! I crosstrain with the channel changer.
ga101012 -- Your turn. bleep bloop - You have uncovered the SWORD OF DESTRUCTION! You may now smite your enemies! - You wouldn't. Where do you want it? Head? Belly? Pride?
ga101013 -- I can't believe my CAT beat me at a video game. - I mean, what does that say about me? - Nothing we didn't already know. Smugness does not become you.
ga101014 -- squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak -  squeak squeak squeak squeak Give me that toy! squeak squeak - squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak
ga101015 -- Uh, Jon? - Why is Garfield nuzzling my hair? - Well, my guess is you used a fruit-scented shampoo this morning. Peach, to be precise.
ga101016 -- Always finish what you start. - Sounds like good advice. - And I don't just mean food. Now I'm confused.
ga101017 -- EEYAAHHHHHHHH EEEK! - And that concludes tonight's movie, "Monster Beneath My Bed". click - Whew! - - - - Z hee hee hee
ga101018 -- Want to go running, Garfield? What on earth for?! - IS SOMEONE CHASING US?! - Never mind. DOES HE HAVE A SPEAR?!
ga101019 -- And so we bid farewell to an old friend... - * FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW... ** - The meat loaf is retiring. Speech! Speech!
ga101020 -- Hey, look, Odie! - A chew toy! - Can you explain this? Not without laughing.
ga101021 -- One day Mr. Hot Dog was walking down the street... - When suddenly... - I hate puppet shows. One day Miss Cupcake was walking down the street...
ga101022 -- Liz is coming over tonight. - I want just the right romantic mood. - Better tune up my banjo. Whoa, Jonny...back the truck up...
ga101023 -- What you're doing is wrong! - Wrong, I tell you! - That's what I'm going to say if you ever do something. Sounds like a plan.
ga101024 -- - - - - TAKE THIS, YOU LOUSE! - whap - Weird. That's what you get for mulching his scout troop.
ga101025 -- And now back to Bachelor Horror Cinema, and "Return Of The Ex-Girlfriend". - * ding-dong Don't answer it! Don't answer it! - I WANT MY CHAFING DISH BACK!! YAAAHH! I miss the days of three channels.
ga101026 -- Gentlemen, if my experiment succeeds, I will rid the world of 12-foot mutant rats forever! - Fascinating, professor. What is it you propose to create! - Sixty-foot owls! He's gonna need a biiiiig barn.
ga101027 -- We're LOST in these woods, Manfred! Noe, now, Babs...calm yourself. - There's no need to worry...see? - We'll just ask that forest ranger in the hockey mask for directions! Worry, Babs.
ga101028 -- What are you eating NOW? - Garlic. - You never told me you were part vampire.
ga101029 -- I rented a scary movie to watch tonight...come on! All right! - - You know, I can see it just fine from here. How about you? Absolutely.
ga101030 -- And now back to "Obsessive-Compulsive Chiller Theater". - BUMP Oops. - Sorry about your knick-knack shelf, there. YAAAHH The horror.
ga101031 -- - - - - - -
ga101101 -- - -
ga101102 -- "Dogs are stinky". - And for an opposing viewpoint, here's Odie. - Just as soon as he's done rolling in whatever it is over there.
ga101103 -- What'cha doing, Jon? I'm tryiong to read! - Any luck? Go away! - If you insist.
ga101104 -- I carry a picture of Liz wherever I go. - How sweet. - Insane, but sweet.
ga101105 -- The Cat Network presents... - "The World's Greatest Hairballs"! - What are you watching? Nothing I can't top.
ga101106 -- BOOT - Uh...nope. - CRASH! Someday we'll achieve orbit.
ga101107 -- - - WHACK! - - WHACK! - - It just wouldn't be autumn without our little traditions... WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK
ga101108 -- And now tonight's feature... - "Earth Versus The Spider" - Don't you guys have this on DVD?
ga101109 -- Hey, cat, are you ugly for a reason, or were you born that way?! - SMACK! - You momma's so fat... Give it a rest, Larry.
ga101110 -- SMACK! - Ha! Missed me! - Then how come you're all flat? Uh, Gravity is getting stronger?
ga101111 -- If you squish me, I shall become famous! - They will hold an annual day of remembrance in my honor, you fat slob! - Does anyone here know WHY we celebrate "National Stupid Day"?
ga101112 -- You squash me, and I'll tell my cousin, "Fang"! - GEEEEEEE, I'm scared. FANG! - hop hop Okay, maybe a touch scared.
ga101113 -- It's spider-stomping time! It is? - STOMP! - My watch must be slow.
ga101114 -- - - - - SCHLAP! - ICK! - Never jump into a pile of wet leaves. YAAAHH!
ga101115 -- I'm not myself until my first cup of coffee. - SLUP - Better.
ga101116 -- - Z - I am SO going to get blamed for this.
ga101117 -- Someday I will be a tall tree. - Someday I will climb you. - Somebody just chop me down now!
ga101118 -- Hello? - Do I own a cat? - No. Nobody "owns" a cat.
ga101119 -- shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle - shuffle shuffle shuffle - Could you be more annoying? Scratcha the backa?
ga101120 -- I wonder if Odie is up to no good. - - Dogs are so hard to read.
ga101121 -- Oh, wow! Really? - So what are you making, mom? Uh huh...turkey...stuffing...mashed potatoes...gravy... - Green bean casserole...corn on the cob...potato salad...corn bread... - Cranberry sauce...scalloped potatoes...butter rolls...baked
ga101121 -- ham...potato dumplings... - Fruit salad...winter squash...potato and ham soup...twice-baked potatos...potato pancakes... - Pecan pie...pumpkin pie...sweet potato pie... - HEY! THOSE ARE MY CAr KEYS! Come with me or take the bus, pal.
ga101122 -- Kids, remember, crime does not pay! - - Although it can be pretty tasty.
ga101123 -- What are you up to, Garfield? - Huh? Who, me? Nothing! - You could've let me know she was standing there.
ga101124 -- Odie will now reveal the secret to a happy life. - - You may prefer to remain unhappy.
ga101125 -- - - The cooking gods are angry with me again. And for your penance, thou shalt order pizza.
ga101126 -- I'm going out with Liz. - And I'll be staying home with the ham. - What's that in the back seat, Jon? Tomorrow night's dinner.
ga101127 -- Hey, this menu is in French! You're holding it upside down. - Oh, yeah! - Can I still order the beef stew? If you like.
ga101128 -- No...what? - You did what? ...ALL of it?! - Wow, Liz...that's AMAZING! Good for you! - Okay...bye. - - AAARRRRGGHH! - She's finished her Christmas shopping already! You contain your glee well.
ga101129 -- Boy, the mall was brutal today. - It was so packed, the food court ran out of food. - Just like the time you were there. I remember that day fondly.
ga101130 -- Look, Mrs. Feeny is making a snowman! - No...it's just a giant snowball. - Wait...is that a catapult? I'll be in the bomb shelter.
ga101201 -- Sant knows when you've been bad. - - Maybe I could cop a plea bargain.
ga101202 -- Garfield, don't you think you're overdoing the "good boy" routine for Santa? - ...Garfield? - Your slippers, sir? You're freaking me out.
ga101203 -- I got a Christmas card, Garfield. - I bet it's from my mother. How do you know that? - It's addressed to "Sissy Boy". Maybe it's from your health club.
ga101204 -- - Ow. - Impressive. I think I strained my spinner.
ga101205 -- A little to the right... - A little to the left... - A little more to the left... - Okay, now a bit to the right... - And jussssst a touch back to the left...little more... - Annnnt...THERE! Stop! - Perfect! Help. See you in january.
ga101206 -- Don't eat those Christmas cookies! - They're for company. - Should I go out and knock first?
ga101207 -- You ate all the Christmas cookies! So did I! - So, what are you going to do about it? - I'm telling Santa. WAIT! I'M SORRY! I'LL MAKE SOME MORE! I'LL LEARN TO BAKE!
ga101208 -- You'd better shape up, buddy boy... Yeah, yeah... - Or I'm calling Santa! No, you won't. - I cut the phone lines.
ga101209 -- Rudolph, won't you guide my sleigh tonight? - Get with it, chubs. Use this. - Cool! A GPS! I feel old.
ga101210 -- Merry Christmas, Jon! - I'm giving you the "Box of Mystery"! - It's empty. And now you've ruined it!
ga101211 -- - - I look good in red.
ga101212 -- All right, Garfield! - That's it! I'm calling Santa! - bip bip beep boop bip beep And I'm telling him what you did! - You have reached the north pole "naughty line". - We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls... - Please stay on
ga101212 -- the line, and your call will be answered in the order it was received. - FAH-LAH-LA-LA-LAAAH-LA-L With any luck, he'll be on hold till january.
ga101213 -- ...every Christmas, dad would go out and chop down a tree for us... Not again. - Then one year the bark beetles comae. Make it stop. - Tinsel on an elk rack just ain't the same. MAybe I should hit him with a yule log.
ga101214 -- Have you been working on your Christmas list? Done, and done. - I already e-mailed it to Santa. - He got through the firewall again, sir. Man, that cat can hack.
ga101215 -- HO! HO! H- - THONK! - "The cristmas they left the flue shut" will return. Little help here! I think they're running out of plots.
ga101216 -- What would you like for Christmas, Liz? Oh, I don't know... - Surprise me! - I'm doomed. No surprise THERE.
ga101217 -- Maybe a dress for Liz...but I don't know her size. Think I should ask her? - - Oh, look. Walnut cheese balls. Smart boy.
ga101218 -- - SMOOCH - Gotcha.
ga101219 -- - Weeks Ago: Ah! - bip bip boop beep boop boop bip - I'd like to order a present for my boyfriend... - It's the one on page 32... my credit card number is... - There! That was easy. - Now: Think she'd like a pressure gauge? We're BACHELORS,
ga101219 -- baby.
ga101220 -- Think Liz would like a fish finder for Christmas? - - Well, excuse me for not thinking like a girl! Funny...you run like one.
ga101221 -- I STILL don't know what to get Liz. - I think I'll consult with an expert... - ...And she's about this tall. SECURITY!
ga101222 -- Liz, I'm really stuck on your Christmas present. - You've got to give me a hint! I like pink. - Does that help? She likes pink.That narrows it to the grapefruit family...
ga101223 -- Maybe Liz would like some perfume. - "Eau de Wowie-Wow-Wow" - Sounds potent. "May cause excessive drooling in men."
ga101224 -- "Mucho macho musk ox mist for men". - "Guaranteed to drive women insane". spritz spritz - Kiss me, or I'll punch your lights out! By golly it works!
ga101225 -- Merry Christmas, Liz. Oh, Jon! A music box! - It plays the "Be My Lederhosen Baby" polka! Uh...wow. - See? The little ballerina has an accordion! I have a friend who can bury that for you.
ga101226 -- Sigh - The day after Christmas is always so quiet and peaceful... - And the excitement has died down... - All the presents have been unwrapped... - All the carols have been sung... - All the cookies have been scarfed... - WAAAAAAAHHHH
ga101227 -- So what does an elf like you do with the rest of your year? - I spend it working on my game. And that would be? - Miniature golf. Bah-da bum.
ga101228 -- Liz is gonna LOVE my new sweater! - tug tug pull pull - How do I look? Electrifying.
ga101229 -- - New hats! - Saaame weirdo.
ga101230 -- Just look at me. What do I have to show for myself? - - Me!
ga101231 -- Look, Garfield! Mr. Barrow has his gorilla suit on! - Now he's climbing up the side of his house. - Here comes the banana dance. I'll watch just this once.
ga110101 -- - Z - Z Z
ga110102 -- - What a lovely night. All the stars are out. - - click! - Now back to "Yodeling wit the Stars"! - Garfield? -
ga110103 -- Well, I'm going to go hibernate now. - You're going to go WHAT? - Why am I just now hearing about hibernation?
ga110104 -- We are only given a certain amount of time on earth. - Some choose to live life to the fullest. - Hi! I'm Moo-Moo! And some of us watch "Sock Puppet Friends".
ga110105 -- I hate change. - I didn't used to... - But I've changed.
ga110106 -- - You rock! - It's nice to know I'm here for me.
ga110107 -- I don't have a worry in the world. - - I gave them away.
ga110108 -- Life is full of surprises. - - Well, maybe not FULL. Maybe some of them leaked out.
ga110109 -- - - STOMP! HA! - - - - Wake me for the vernal equinox.
ga110110 -- You're fat. It's true! I'm fat! - There's more of me to love! - I've done MY part!
ga110111 -- Swallow breakfast before you eat lunch. - Oh man... - Who makes up all these rule?!
ga110112 -- It's diet time, Garfield. - What?! - Come on...continents sink into the ocean all the time!
ga110113 -- Liz thinks I should put you on low-calorie cat food. - ROAAARR - LIZ thinks! NOT me! Easy there, big fella!
ga110114 -- Who wants a salad?! - - Thank goodness no one was hurt in the stampede. That's his little attempt at sarcasm.
ga110115 -- Gosh, I hope nobody eaty my new houseplant. - - Hey! This is a SALAD!
ga110116 -- - hmmmmm - POOMP - Greetings, eartling. - Take me to ypur leader. - And make it snappy! - This intergalactic incident wil not go unreported.
ga110117 -- Vegetables are very healthy. - - Cough. AHA!
ga110118 -- Can you hide me? Could this be a nightmare? - -and eleven of my sugar-glazed friends? Oh, no! It IS a nightmare! - THERE'S NO COFFEE! BWAH Ha! Ha! Ha!
ga110119 -- You know, Garfield, donuts are bad for you. - - Shame on them.
ga110120 -- - - He looks just like you. I think so.
ga110121 -- - PLOP - Were there any witnesses?
ga110122 -- Whoa! This sweater is much warmer than feathers! - - Although it's not so good for flying!
ga110123 -- - Echo Point - Meow! - Meow! - Meow! Meow! - I wonder how that works. I wonder how that works.
ga110124 -- And that's the news... - Well, most of it. - I skipped a couple of stories with words I couldn't pronounce. I always wondered about that.
ga110125 -- Sir, I suspect that this may have been MURDER! Murder, you say?! - Yes, sir...look at the piano. The piano? - Um...the one sitting on the body? Ohhh, THAT piano. Inspector Oblivious of Scotland Yard.
ga110126 -- ...K-K-K-K-K... BZZT! POK POK POK - You are watching the scrambled-image, static, and vertically flipping picture channel. Ah! - You can cancel the service call.
ga110127 -- Welcome to the show! - I hope you're ready to be kind of dazzled... - By the SORT-OF-AMAZING IRVING! Not one of your better magicians.
ga110128 -- Someday insects will rule the earth. - - Now what? Going with th flow, slave boy.
ga110129 -- Welcome the the all-act game show, "What Did Muffy Kill?" - Okay panel, before your questions, you'll get one clue from Muffy, and here it is... - HACK! Blue jay! Gotta be!
ga110130 -- This way, guys! Z - Hi! Who are you? - We're twelve little donuts who've lost our way... - Could you direct us back to the land of yummy pastries? Why don't I just eat you instead? - You try it, buster, and I'll call our big brother! Go
ga110130 -- ahead. - HEY, DWAYNE! - Yes? This dream just keeps getting better and better.
ga110131 -- Dinosaurs ruled the earth. Z - And now they're gone. - Wow! That WAS a long nap.
ga110201 -- Are you sleeping? - No. - I'm too busy answering stupid questions!
ga110202 -- Beware Of Dog You need to look a little more menacing. - -
ga110203 -- GAAAHH! Here w go again... - OH, THE HUMANITY!! Happens every week. - I HATE THIS!!! If you'd clean my litter box every day, it wouldn't be so bad!
ga110204 -- Liz, you're wonderful. - Don't you agree, Garfield? Yes! - She keeps candy in her purse!
ga110205 -- I'm sick of the daily routine, Garfield. - Wake up, eat breakfast, go outside... - Somebody throws a rock... I'm not moving...
ga110206 -- - - - boing boing boing - boing boing boing boing boing boing - ROWR - Momma didn't raise no bounce house.
ga110207 -- Liz is different from all the other girls I've known. - - For one thing, she LIKES me. Weird, isn't it?
ga110208 -- What can I do to impress Liz? - Bake your cat a cake! - You're no help. I know I'D be impressed.
ga110209 -- I'm composing a song for Liz. - It's a tender love ballad. - Sort of a polka-banjo thing. I'll be out back, burying your finger-picks.
ga110210 -- Hi, Jon, it's me. Hi, Liz! - What are you doing? Oh, nothing much... - It's laundry day here. Not a day for the fait of heart.
ga110211 -- What are you wearing to the restaurant tonight? - You're going to wear thaaaat?... - Well, then, I guess I'm not. The fashion police have a new sheriff.
ga110212 -- Urf - - Don't fall in love, Odie. You already act stupid enough.
ga110213 -- - - Staring contest! - - - blink - You lose.
ga110214 -- Garfield wanted to come with us tonight. Are you sure he didn't? - Huh? Isn't that him riding the dessert cart? - Mine! All mine! Not if I don't turn and look.
ga110215 -- Boy, that Liz is a good kisser. - Really good. - Reeeeeally good... And the cat waltzes right out of his comfort zone.
ga110216 -- I love the old country songs, Garfield. - They were so poignant. - This one's called "Times were hard, so we ate the cat". So that's what poignant means.
ga110217 -- I'm wearing a new cologne. - Eau de Bacon. - You bit me! And I'm as disappointed as you are.
ga110218 -- - CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG - Subtlety is for weenies.
ga110219 -- Some day, huh? - I slept through 90 percent of it... - So I'll guess "yes"?
ga110220 -- - Ahem... - That's MY chair. Que? - GET UP RIGHT NOW! No hablo English, Senor Seatless. - All right, if you won't let me have the chair... - The LEAST you could do is SHARE it with me. Oh, very well... - You're blocking the set.
ga110221 -- Beware, cat! - My breed of fish is poisonous, and I can make you violently ill! - My breed of stomach can eat 12 burritos bigger than my head. I'm toast.
ga110222 -- ...then I walked across the street. And then... - You're boring me here, fatso. Get to the point! - Can do.
ga110223 -- - - You ate my goldfish, didn't you? He went to my happy place.
ga110224 -- - - If it makes you feel any better, that goldfish didn't taste nearly as good as I thought it would.
ga110225 -- "See the happy little goldfish". - "Swimming merrily in his little bowl". - "See the evin cat..." Finally, the good part!
ga110226 -- I can't hold my breath any longer! - GASP! - Fish breathe! Sorry. Nice move, guppy gills.
ga110227 -- - - - BARK - - - I've had better days. yank yank yank yank yank yank yank yank
ga110228 -- Nothing is wrong. - Nothing, nothing, nothing... - Oh, THERE you are. Miss me?
ga110301 -- I love nature. - Well, this PICTURE of nature. - Always sunny, with no ice storms.
ga110302 -- My ear itches, Garfield. - Maybe an insect crawled in there! - AND IT'S EATING MY BRAIN! Poor little guy's gonna starve...
ga110303 -- "Dear Ask A Dog"... - "Is it true you became man's best friend by bribing somebody?" signed, "A cat sitting next to you". - Oh, look, he kept the receipt.
ga110304 -- There's me in the chess club...there's me in the latin club... - There's me in the science club...there me in the calculus club... - There's me, stag, at the junior prom. Go figure.
ga110305 -- Garfield, Liz may be that special "one". - Sure, she may tell lame jokes and her nostrils twitch when she's angry, but she may still be the "one". - The "one" is right behind you, big mouth, and her nostrils are twitching.
ga110306 -- Huh. - Liz says I don't share my feelings. - She says that's important in a relationship. - Perhaps I am being a callous pig. - Maybe I should try harder at this. - - I love you, man. Bring back the pig,...man.
ga110307 -- Think we should order tonight? - - THAT was a stupid question. Ah-ah-ahhh... -there ARE no stupid questions!
ga110308 -- Is your pizza sauce thick? - I mean REALLY thick? - He says we could pave our driveway with it. CAN we?!
ga110309 -- ...do we want hot peppers on our pizza? - - Duh.
ga110310 -- Pepperoni, with extra onions...how many onions? - WAAAHHHH - Make it cry. Like a baby for a night breeding.
ga110311 -- What are you watching on the computer? - Is that the one we ordered? Yep. - Pizza cam.
ga110312 -- Cold pizza and orange juice. - I could just cry. - This is the best breakfast he's ever fixed.
ga110313 -- - - - - - TWANG yang yang yang yang - The first robin of spring is a little early this year.
ga110314 -- It's party time! - Woo hoo! - Are you still here? Sorry to be such a drag...
ga110315 -- The xcitement of the day is building. - - Slooooowly.
ga110316 -- - - Someday the world will thank me for inventing sponge shoes.
ga110317 -- It's chilly in here. - Would you mind knitting me into a sweater? - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha, ha, ha. Good one.
ga110318 -- I'm afraid I might not be good enough for Liz. - Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, come on, Jon! - "MIGHT"?!
ga110319 -- Ah, this tree should provide ample cover. - - Eventually...
ga110320 -- drip - drip drip drip - drip drip drip drip - drip drip drip drip - CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CREEEEEEAK... - CRASH - Well, that's one way to plug a leak.
ga110321 -- Ah, spring... - I love spr... - I hate spring.
ga110322 -- Ah, nature! - Fresh air! Get yer fresh air here! - Is nothing sacred? You want mustard with that air?
ga110323 -- I've programmed my phone so that each caller has their own ring. - GRAAAAK! GRAAAAK! - Ah, the screeching harpy. Mrs. Feeny on line one.
ga110324 -- I'm very sorry...yes...goodbye. - - About Mrs. Feeny's lawn gnome... First of all, he started it.
ga110325 -- Bug spray! - Aaahh... - Irish linen. Or air freshener.
ga110326 -- Breakfast. ZIP - ZIP - Uh, I'll let you know when it's time for lunch. That's why you exist, pal.
ga110327 -- Uh-oh. - Bad news, Garfield. I burned the eggplant casserole. - - - - - Don't take it so hard. It's all part of the grieving process.
ga110328 -- - - You really haven't been paying attention to your life, have you?
ga110329 -- Welcome to "How to Train Your Cat". - Let's start with th basics, shall we? C'mon over here, Muffin. - Muffin...c'mon, kitty. Heeere, kitty, kitty...heer-no, Muffin, this way...this way... Someone's being trained alright, and it ain't
ga110329 -- Muffin...
ga110330 -- I won't say Jon is a bad housekeeper... - And I won't say this house is dirty... - But I have to wipe my feet before I go OUTSIDE.
ga110331 -- * RIIING I bet that's Liz! - Jon's love shack...lip-lock Arbuckle speking. - Fine, Mrs. Feeny, and you? Blow her a kiss from me, lip-lock.
ga110401 -- Hello? - No, sir, I do not have an unusually large head. - Is that you, Doc Boy?! His brother gets bored.
ga110402 -- Danger is my life! - Ha-HAAA! - You shouldn't eat ice cream so fast. Ask me if I care.
ga110403 -- - Get back! Go away, you stupid mutt! - - - boop beep beep boop beep boop boop - * beedle beedle beedle beedle - SLURP!
ga110404 -- Let's see...did I remember to shed today? - - Check.
ga110405 -- There's cat hair everywhere! Don't be jumping to conclusions there, pal. - Yelp! - Odie sheds, too.
ga110406 -- - Uh-oh. - You forgot to keep moving while you were shedding, didn't you? Help me!
ga110407 -- I'm sweating like a pig. - - Ah! Much better! I envy you.
ga110408 -- This Property Valiantly Protected by a Savage, Bloodthirsty, White-Hot Ball of Canine Fury. - - Who writes your stuff? Wouldn't you like to know...
ga110409 -- Geez... Will eat homework for food. - How low will dogs sink? - To here, I guess. Iced Toilet Water 5c
ga110410 -- Hmmm... - I'm reading an article about cats and the stress they can cause. - snatch - RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP - What article? - What stress? - A soothing sense of calm just came over my being.
ga110411 -- - - Up, please.
ga110412 -- YAWN - You look tired. - It's comforting to know I've got the right look.
ga110413 -- They say love is blind. - - Love is also an idiot.
ga110414 -- The sun. The wind. - The rain. - Have you been outside lately? Fascinating theories...
ga110415 -- And  now "The Feline Gourmet" with your host, chef Snuggles. - Hi, and welcome! Today, my owner is out for the afternoon... - So we'll be whipping up a hardy guppy goulash! That's one nervous-looking fish.
ga110416 -- Scrapbooking, stamp collecting, needle-point... - I try to avoid hobbies. - It's sort of a hobby of mine.
ga110417 -- Jon, we're going to be late! I'm ready! - You are NOT going out in those pants. - No, no parachute pants, either. - I don't think so. - Uhhhh...no. - Over my dead body. - Where does he GET these clothes? There was a sale at Clown Town.
ga110418 -- Thank you! Thank you for your applause! CLAP CLAP CLAP - I was swatting a bug. - Thank you for swatting a bug!
ga110419 -- Welcome to the show! - - This is where you applaud. Oh, we thought this is where you entertain!
ga110420 -- I need a volunteer from the audience! - - Heck, I need an audience.
ga110421 -- You've been a great audience! No, we haven't. - Have so. Have not. - Then we'll just agree to disagree. Okay.
ga110422 -- I am at peace with the world. - YAWM - Or sleepy. They're a lot alike.
ga110423 -- I'm feeling down. - Then put a smile on that face, Mr. Mopey Pants! - Do you know there's a sock on the roof? I believe I do.
ga110424 -- - SPLOP! - SOOOO-EEEY! PIG-PIG-PIG-PIG! - - GLOMP! - - MMMMFFFFF!!
ga110425 -- - - How was the kite flying? The kite had a better time than I did.
ga110426 -- They say there are some big fish in this lake. - - How big?!
ga110427 -- Oh, no! We're going to crash! - NO TIME TO REACT! LOOK OUT! AYIEEE! - I'd call a turtle ambulance, but that could take weeks. Ow.
ga110428 -- Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! zzzzzzzzzzzzz - Ulp - That fly died a hero.
ga110429 -- A lady at the restaurant tonight told Liz and me we "make a lovely couple"! - Buuuut?... - But then I stepped on her foot, she screamed, and her dentures shot out and lodged in the busboy's neck. There's always a "but".
ga110430 -- Hello, Bark-Bark! Hi, Moo-Moo! - I sang a song today, Bark-Bark! - Was it a happy song, Moo-Moo? I wonder if sock puppets are flammable?
ga110501 -- * doo-dooo dee-dee dum doo-dooo... - * ooh-ooh-oooooohhh baby bay-bee.. - UH-HUH-UH-HUH - * BLANG-A TWANND-YANG!! - CHA-CHONK, CHA-CHONK - - PLAY AGAIN?
ga110502 -- I need to be more creative. Red flag, red flag. - You know, I used to paint when I was in college. Barns don't count. - I bet I've still got a masterpiece in me! I think we're out of black velvet.
ga110503 -- Should I paint a portrait...or a still life? - - Or both. Your muse is not amused.
ga110504 -- How about a real dynamic pose? - - I guess that IS pretty dynamic for you. Hurry up, I can't hold this forever.
ga110505 -- Give me a "Mona Lisa" smile. - - Mona Lisa din't smile like that! You never caught her at a Willie Nelson concert.
ga110506 -- What are you painting, Jon? Garfield. - It needs more orange. - There isn't enough orange in the WORLD. - I've always thought so.
ga110507 -- ...there! - I think I've captured your essence. Let's see. -
ga110508 -- - * - - WAH-HA! HA! HA! - tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic *send* - WAH-HA! HA! HA! - tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic
ga110509 -- I really overslept today. - It's almost time to go back to bed. - Maybe I can fit in a quick nap.
ga110510 -- Busy day. Don't I know it! - It seems like the harder I work, the behinder I get. One of the other cats called in sick. - Are you listening to me? So I had to take two naps AT THE SAME TIME!
ga110511 -- Let's take a look at the news. - Oh, that's just AWFUL! - Let's look at something else. That can't be good.
ga110512 -- COMING SOON TO THIS SITE: - AN EVEN BIGGER SIGN! - Can't stop progress.
ga110513 -- There's an antique doll show downtown. Well, let's GO, then! - I'll get my coat! - You really need to stop me when I do that. Say hi to Betsy Wetsy for me.
ga110514 -- "Dear Ask Dog"... - "My dog will stare at a spot on the wall that he thinks is a bug, but it isn't, for hours. Is he stupid?" Signed, "Just wondering". - Odie? Odie?
ga110515 -- GAAAAHHH! - Oh, no! I've burned the toast! You FOOL! How COULD you?! - And the light bulb in the refrigerator burned out!! We're all DOOMED! - And I can't find the TV remote!!! It's the end of the world as we know it!! - THERE'S A DRINK ON
ga110515 -- THE COFFEE TABLE WITHOUT A COASTER!!! STOP THE MADNESS!! - AND WE'RE OUT OF FLOSS!!! YAAAAHH! - National Drama Day was kind of fun, wasn't it, Garfield? It was okay. Oh, look, your car is on fire.
ga110516 -- Oh, look! Odie has come to rescue me from this tree! - - Well, he did SOMETHING involving this tree.
ga110517 -- Oh, no! - Kids with kites! -
ga110518 -- - Well, well, well. Uh-oh. - I wonder who's ticklish? I have money.
ga110519 -- In case of emergency, break glass - CRACK - Yoo-hoo...up here.
ga110520 -- This day couldn't get much worse. - DING DING * Ice creamman! - Okay, that's just evil.
ga110521 -- Nothing good can come from this. - Okay, Garfield! Drop into this nice warm vat of fettucine! - But what do I know?
ga110522 -- - - Uh-oh. - FWING - - - YAAAHHH!
ga110523 -- Tuna. - ZIP - Yep. That's what I should have named you. This had better not be a false alarm.
ga110524 -- I broke a shoelace! - How can I go on?! - Maybe I should switch to slip-ons. Oh, no. Go with your first instinct.
ga110525 -- I am ready for my date! - How do I look? Um... - Isn't you date on friday? I hope this corsage holds up.
ga110526 -- - - I'm not buying it. Curses.
ga110527 -- Z - BARK! BONK! - You're up. And Odie's on a bus bound for Nome.
ga110528 -- - Z - I'm pretty sure the coffee isn't strong enough. Z
ga110529 -- The Hungry Heifer - My fork is dirty... - These rolls are as hard as rocks...my steak is overcooked... - I see LIPSTICK on my glass...and there's an earring in my mashed potatoes! - Where's our waiter?! ...WAITER! - How's your meal?
ga110529 -- SUPER-dee-DUPER! - You just ate the earring. MMMMM...EARRINGY!
ga110530 -- - Weird... - Thoughts? We're attracting a higher class of rodent?
ga110531 -- ...the the mice beat up the stupid cat... - ...and lived happily ever after! - That's one sick bedtime story.
ga110601 -- It's dark an raining outside... - There's a mouse sitting in the window sill... - PLAYING A TINY SAXOPHONE! Good day for the blues.
ga110602 -- - Eek! A man! - There. How do YOU like it? GARFIELD!
ga110603 -- z - z Z - I taste cheese! I smell tuna!
ga110604 -- Help! - Help! I'm going to catch you. - Why do I always seem to be the one making all the effort?! That's nice.
ga110605 -- - I love you, Odie. - - - - SMACK! - GARFIELD! I love you, too.
ga110606 -- I have a picture of Liz in my wallet. - You need a smaller picture. - I need a larger wallet. Or that.
ga110607 -- I'm a very serious cat. - I have little cowboys on my shirt! - And it's not easy.
ga110608 -- I don't understand why you don't like me, Garfield. - Is it because I'm cute? Or lovable? Or angelic? Or endearing? Or precious? Or young? Or personable? Or spunky? Or clever? ... - Yes.
ga110609 -- Show me a cute, obnoxious kitten... - And I'll show you a hole in the door. Where? There.
ga110610 -- Garfield! Did you throw Nermal through the door again?! - That was mean! You should be ashamed of yourself! - Yes, thank you. And funny but I'm not.
ga110611 -- Ah, the noble radish! - Just what is it? - Because I haven't the foggiest idea.
ga110612 -- Hmmm... - I saw Jon hide a box of cat treats in this cabinet. - What a pack rat! How much stuff is down here? - He should know better thsn to hide anything from me. - I'm a cat...supreme cunning and unparalleled resolve, and... - Wait... -
ga110612 -- What was I looking for again?
ga110613 -- Here comes Arlene. Better suck it in. - SUUUUUCK THUD -
ga110614 -- Wisdom comes with age. - Wisdom? Woo hoo... - I was hoping for a second dessert.
ga110615 -- Welcome, Garfield, to another birthday nightmare! - But you're a present. What's scary about that? Open me up? - A senior citizen's discount card. BWAH-ha-ha-HAAAAAH!
ga110616 -- I hope I don't have another age nightmare tonight. - - Are you the birthday boy? So much for hoping.
ga110617 -- - What are you? I'm a comb-over. - I've had scarier age nightmares. Wait! I've got split ends, too!
ga110618 -- I'm tonight's age nightmare, Garfield...the UNIVERSAL REMOTE CONTROL! BWAH-HA! HA! H- - Who's your friend? Huh? I'm the garage door opener. - HE'S not scary. Didn't I tell you to wait in the car?
ga110619 -- OH, Garfield... - HAPPY BIRTHDAY! - Make a wish, Garfield! - Hmmm... - foof - POOF - Yes!
ga110620 -- I see somebody who needs a hug! - HEY! - Bring that cake back here!
ga110621 -- - Cute kitty coming through. sniff BURP cough - Jealous?
ga110622 -- What are you doing for dinner tonight, Jon? - Oh, just opening a can of something. - "Something"? Did you read the label? Who has time for labels?!
ga110623 -- Dogs have an amazing ability to identify smells. - Which comes as no surprise... - Because they're responsible for most of them. **
ga110624 -- Garfield... - I'm going to order a pizza for dinner. - And I can do without the confetti. Oh, how can you deny my unfettered euphoria?
ga110625 -- You've been on your back all day, Garfield! - Ever thought of turning over? - Ever thought of buying a giant spatula?
ga110626 -- Z - The light bulb blew out again and I'm scared. Z - - Can I have a glass of water? - - Tell me a story. - Didn't get much sleep last night? Clean out the stupid fridge!
ga110627 -- - YAAAAH! - I would find that funny if it didn't kinda hurt my feelings.
ga110628 -- Say, isn't that you on the cover of my magazine? No. - SLAP - Now it is!
ga110629 -- Hee hee...this hard hat will protect me from that cat. - * GONG! - That worked out except for MY EARS!
ga110630 -- poing! SPLAT - Maybe you need to go on a diet. OH, YEAH?! - ...perhaps we can all derive a measure of comfort from Larry's last words... "LOOK WHO'S TALKING, FATSO."
ga110701 -- My life is too hectic, Garfield. Uh-oh. - I need to simplify. This can't be good. - I'm cutting back on personal hygiene. I could move somewhere warm.
ga110702 -- MOUSE! - Hey, loudmouth! - Now EVERYBODY'S going to want one!
ga110703 -- - - - - - Oh, all right... - But next time YOU guys get the kiddie pool! - Hey!
ga110704 -- - - I've felt safer.
ga110705 -- Welcome to "Garfield's Science Fiction Theater". - Hungry? Nope. - You have been watching "Garfield's Science Fiction Theater".
ga110706 -- Happiness is what I'm all about. - SLAP POO! - MY happiness.
ga110707 -- There's been a dog food recall, Odie. - I'll save you! - Hey, guys, there's been a dog food recall. POO!
ga110708 -- You know what's weird? I've never heard Liz belch. - All the times we've been together, she's never belched ONCE! - Do you suppose she's saving it up` Sure. For when she meets your folks.
ga110709 -- I'm saving this cookie for later. - - Late enough.
ga110710 -- Say... - Jon, why don't we just stay in tonight and talk? Talk? - Yeah...just sit on the couch and talk. Talk? - You know...I say something, then you say something. Talk? - It's good for couples to talk. Talk? - C'mon...it'll be fun. Talk? -
ga110710 -- You first, Jon. Uh...I have a cat... He's so cute when he's paralyzed with fear.
ga110711 -- Wow! Did you hear that thunder? - It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up! - Ditto that.
ga110712 -- I've heard thunder makes cats jumpy. Z - BOOOM! - I wonder if that's true.
ga110713 -- Garfield, come out from under the couch. It's only a little thund- - BOOM - Hey, I found a dime! My hero.
ga110714 -- That thunder can't get us now, Garfield. munch munch munch - It's safe here under the couch. munch munch munch - It's also disgusting. Care for a petrified cheese curl?
ga110715 -- I don't believe this. - I'm hinding from a thunderstorm, under the couch, with my cat. - This will be out little secret, okay? Just between you, me, and my blog.
ga110716 -- I'm hungry. And thirsty. - - That was efficient.
ga110717 -- zzzzzzzzz - zzzzzzzzzz - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz SWISH - SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH - zzzzzzz - zzzzzzzzzzz - zzzzzzz
ga110718 -- Garfield, do you ever wonder what's going on in the world? - There's something going on? - You're pathetic. There's a world?
ga110719 -- Odie looks bored. - - It's subtle, but it's there.
ga110720 -- The nose does not really make a good pencil holder. - I'd write that down... - But I seem to be out of pencils.
ga110721 -- I don't feel like barking today. Hey, pal. You have to. It's your JOB. - Oh, very well... Bark - Happy? What's this world COMING to?!
ga110722 -- Would you like to see the medal I won as the world's fastest snail? Sure. - Darn! I left it at home. - I'll be back in a week. - I'll be here.
ga110723 -- Hi, Liz...how was work today? - You did?... No kidding! - She deloused a labradoodle! You watch your mouth.
ga110724 -- - Jon, are you done with the hose yet? Just a minute. - I'm trying to flush this- - GOPHER!!! - ...UP MY PANT LEG!!! GOPHER UP MY PANT LEG!! - YAAAA-AHHH!! And there he goes, headed for downtown. - We're going to be on the news again, aren't
ga110724 -- we? Wear your blue outfit this day.
ga110725 -- How's life been treating you, hon? I have a girlfriend no, Irma! - - I think she needs a shave, hon. I wouldn't talk with legs like those...HON
ga110726 -- Hi, Liz, it's your boyfriend! Ooh, which one? I have so many! - Jon? - Jon, it was a joke- Too late. He's already on the roof.
ga110727 -- Jon, would you like to hold hands? Sure! - - Each others? Even better!
ga110728 -- Liz and I are going to the late night movie tonight... - So don't wait up. Okay. - Z
ga110729 -- It's friday night! * FREEEP! - Uh-ho...and that rascal, Garfield, got a head start on us! - Good one! clap clap It's rude noises night!
ga110730 -- I don't understand women. - - I'll just pretend I do. Yeah, that's always worked.
ga110731 -- Garfield! - Garfield! The Donut Barn is having a clearance sale! - EEEEEEEEE! Oh, for Pete's sake! - EEEEeeeeeee YOU TWO ARE NUTS! - SLAM - beep beep boop beep beep - Hello? I want sprinkles.
ga110801 -- Good morning, Garfield. - I see you're awake. Ah. - So that's what this is called.
ga110802 -- - * TWANG * TWANG * TWANG - Odie needs tuning!
ga110803 -- Do you know what I think? - Oh, I hope not. - Even MY brain has standards.
ga110804 -- - - He's lost a little weight, hasn't he? You have gill breath.
ga110805 -- Could I please speak to the most beautiful girl in the world? - She's not here right now...will *I* do? - How do I answer THAT? I'd hang up and hide behind the drapes.
ga110806 -- At the top of this mountain lives a wise man. - Right on the top, huh? - He has a long beard, and he says great things about life. Oxygen deprivation will do that to you.
ga110807 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sn - DIG DIG DIG dig DIG dig DIG DIG dig dig DIG dig DIG dig DIG dig - - - Not so fast, bone brain.
ga110808 -- - Hey, handsome. - He enjoys an occasional compliment.
ga110809 -- Odie, the dog of a thousand faces! - - That's one...
ga110810 -- I like to think I represent cats everywhere. - CRASH! - CAT PRIDE!
ga110811 -- - scratch scratch scratch - She never scratches ME behind the ears. That's because she like me better.
ga110812 -- I hope to have kids someday, Garfield. - So I need the practice. - Ready to go to the mall, "son"? I hate you, "dad".
ga110813 -- BEWARE OF DOG - - Do you know how much I saved on that sign? Not enough.
ga110814 -- Sigh - - - - - - Ah, memories...
ga110815 -- What a nice amusement park. YEEEE! - - Garfield, people are staring. Corn Dog Heaven
ga110816 -- I love amusement parks! The hot dogs, the sodas... - The elephant ears, the ice cream, the pretzels... - ...the cotton candy.
ga110817 -- Nope. - Nope. Oh, yeah!
ga110818 -- You must be this tall to ride this attraction - - May I have my shirt back now? Just a minute...he's still looking. Urf.
ga110819 -- - YAAH! AYIEE! - Are you boys ready for the roller coaster to begin? Let 'er rip!
ga110820 -- Boy, what a funday! No argument here. - Guess which ride I enjoyed most? Mhh...let me think. - Theeeee roller coaster? Wanna go again?!
ga110821 -- - - b-d-d-d-d-d-d-d - BWONG* SPLAT! - Nobody TOLD me high-dive practice was this afternoon!
ga110822 -- How long are you planning to lie there? - - A long time, I take it? Until I put out roots, pal.
ga110823 -- Odie is chasing a squirrel! - ...now the squirrel is chasing Odie? - Tag! You're it! smack! Ahhh...
ga110824 -- Tonight, on Mouse News... - Cheese is good...film at eleven. - You don't see hard-hitting investigative journalism like that anyone.
ga110825 -- The ice cream melted! Oh, no! - I'll grab a mop! Not that! THINK, man! - I have a straw!
ga110826 -- What would you like to do, Liz? Why don't we watch golf on TV together? - - Okay, I'm gonna cry now. Manly tears, of course.
ga110827 -- On today's show, people who don't trust their pets. - I walked into the kitchen and found Fluffy at the table... - Reading my life insurance policy! Kinda obvious there, Fluffy.
ga110828 -- - - click - vvvvvvv - dingle * dingle * vvvvvvv - vvvv - BZZZZZ
ga110829 -- We should order a pizza. - - I've never seen a cat do the cha cha. Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week!
ga110830 -- I'd like a large pepperoni. - * DING DONG - Now THAT'S service! It's cold.
ga110831 -- I wonder what we should have for dinner. - INSERT PIZZA - There's ONE subtle suggestion.
ga110901 -- We can't order pizza EVERY night of the week, can we? - - Then again, if we don't try, how will we ever find out? I'm loving this logic!
ga110902 -- C'mon, aren't we sick of ordering pizza every night? - Uh-oh... - I'm weakening. Looook into my eeeeyes...
ga110903 -- * RIIING *click* Jon here, I'm not home right now... - I'm probably off on some exotic adventure... - Hey, maybe I'll find a shrunken head! This is why we never get messages.
ga110904 -- - What a nice day at the beach, Garfield. - Even Jon is enjoying himself. - Poor guy...he's usually a walking disaster area. - Where is he with those hot dogs, anyway? - SEAGULLS! - I'm not gonna look. Good thinking.
ga110905 -- I just completed a home improvement project. - Ever heard of bunk beds? - Tah-dah! Garfield Garfield
ga110906 -- It's everybody's favorite quiz show, "Ask Odie"! - Ready for your first question, Odie? - Hmmm... That wasn't it, dipwad!
ga110907 -- Hi! How's it going, Squeak? Never better! - - Another narrow escape!
ga110908 -- I am NOT the biggest loser in the world! - See?! - You're not even good at being a loser.
ga110909 -- Hi, Garfield! - Surprised to see me? No. - But HE is.
ga110910 -- Nothing will move me from this spot. - Chocolate pudding! Oh, I know what you're thinking... - I brought the spot with me.
ga110911 -- - - - - -
ga110912 -- The All-Cat Channel presents... - "The History of Yarn". - "Part One: Cro-Magnon Underwear". This is boring. Shhh!
ga110913 -- - Go fish. -
ga110914 -- YAWN BAT - -
ga110915 -- How come you don't bat me anymore? - Uh, I'd rather not say. - YOU THINK I'M FAT, DON'T YOU?!!
ga110916 -- What a beautiful view! - I mean, HELP! - I lost my concentration there for a moment.
ga110917 -- I can't hold on much longer! - I'm going to have let go! - Just as soon as somebody soft walks underneath me.
ga110918 -- - Jon's Blob: Today I cleaned my barbecue grill! - There was a lot of caked-on gunk, and it took a lot of hard scraping with a wire brush! - All afternoon long, it was scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape,
ga110918 -- scrape, scrape, scra - Z Z - Come on! It's not that boring! Z Z - Z Z Z
ga110919 -- You look bored. You got that right. - You need a change of scenery. You got that right. - So, how about moving from that spot?! So, how about painting the ceiling a different color?!
ga110920 -- - CRASH! - Was that the cookie jar?! Gravity is my friend.
ga110921 -- I don't know how to tell you, Garfield... - But cats are supposed to be clean animals. - Not during the tapioka festival!
ga110922 -- So, how's your teddy bear today? - - He's not speaking to us.
ga110923 -- You say your ordered too much chinese food tonight? - ** DING-DONG There's the doorbell...hold on. - He's already there, isn't he? Brought his own chopsticks.
ga110924 -- BARK! - BARK! BARK! Oops! - That was embarrassing. - I was barking at my reflection in the window. - I don't blame you.
ga110925 -- WHAP! - * beedle beedle beedle - Hi, Jon! What's up? Uhhhh... - I forgot why I was calling you. Well, call me back when you remember. - click - - - I FORGOT HER NUMBER!!! Old people are funny.
ga110926 -- - Beware Of Judgemental Dog - Nice slouch. I'd rather be bitten.
ga110927 -- Beware Of XXXX DUCK - HA! HA! HA! - I hate temp work.
ga110928 -- Beware Of Techno-Dog tic tic tic - * BEEDLE BEEDLE BEEDLE - GRRR
ga110929 -- I just LOVE this sign! BEWARE OF DOG - Love it! Love it! Love it! - I mean... GRR! Too late.
ga110930 -- Beware Of ****** - What? - It's classified.
ga111001 -- Chase Your Tennis Ball: 5c - - Give It Back: $ 5.00
ga111002 -- Hey, that's great! - OK, see you in a few! - Liz is bringing over dinner tonight! - ...and she made LAGASNA! - Yep...she should be coming through that door any minute now! - ** DING DONG It's open! - Jon? Jon who?
ga111003 -- I could be wrong, Garfield... - But I think it might be time to clean the refrigerator. - I just got an EMail from the mayonnaise. "Jon Arbuckle and Mayonnaise are now friends".
ga111004 -- BOING BOING - BOING BOING BOING - New fire hydrant?
ga111005 -- AAAH! - THUD! - I just fell from that tree! Who hasn't?
ga111006 -- It says here that cats leave you as easily as they'll love you. - Not to worry. - I'm not all that fond of you, but I'm too lazy to leave.
ga111007 -- - I decided to go with the SMALLER tie. - Hey, you CHOOSE the be with him, lady.
ga111008 -- They put these little booties on me to keep my feet warm. - I see. - Is there any point in my barking at you? I'd only snicker.
ga111009 -- Z - Sigh... - I'm bored. - I know!  Let's walk down the street and have a parade! - I'll be the grand marshal, and you can be a float! - People will line the street, cheering and throwing flowers! - SMACK! - I'm bored again. Welcome back.
ga111010 -- Remember when I was a loser with women? - - That was before I started going out with Liz. ...and she became a loser with men.
ga111011 -- Jon, why don't we stay in tonight? - There's a figure skating competition on TV. Sure! I LOVE watching that! - Wonderful! Okay, I'm guessing figure skating.
ga111012 -- Darn! My favorite T-shirt shrank in the wash! - Thank goodness it still fits, though. - This is a guy thing, right? Be thankful it wasn't his pants.
ga111013 -- How are you today, Garfield? Great! - Couldn't be better! Swell! - You have to be careful what you tell a veterinarian.
ga111014 -- Jon? Yes, Liz? - Are your feet painted black? Yes. - I couldn't find my shoes this morning. And we had plenty of foot paint.
ga111015 -- Jon, this may come as a shock to you, but... - scratch scratch. - Now, where was I?
ga111016 -- - I'm glad we went out for breakfast. It's nice to have some time alone. - Oops...spoke too soon! - I can't eat with them staring at us like that! - Just ignore them. - Try lowering the blinds. -
ga111017 -- - I'm up to wednesday! - No more eating ahead!
ga111018 -- Yee-hah! - Now what? A man with a rake will turn you into mulch. - I withdraw my "Yee-hah".
ga111019 -- Garfield, can you come here? - Yes. -
ga111020 -- When Liz gets here, be on your best behavior. - I'm cool with that. - On second thought, be on somebody ELSE'S bes behavior. Oh, come on!
ga111021 -- Yes, mom, Liz and I are still together. - Yes, I know we make a lovely couple. - Yes, I know you'd like to see grandchildren before you die. Moms are not masters of subtlety.
ga111022 -- Beware Of Dog Is this your sign? - No. - Duh...I don't even have a dog.
ga111023 -- YAAAARRRGHHH! - Okay, the monster has eaten Fred, Charlene, and Wilberforce. - If we're going to make it out of here alive... - One of us is going to have to distract it! - Can I get a volunteer?... - Anyone?... - How about you, Lumpy? Oh,
ga111023 -- this is because I'm chubby, isn't it?! He do look tasty.
ga111024 -- The universe does not revolve around you. Oh, yeah?! - I've got news for you, mister! - That's just one of its faults!
ga111025 -- Hold on! - Whoa! I thought I was going to sneeze, but then I didn't! - Life is like a mad, crazy coaster ride!
ga111026 -- General, the zombies have breached our perimeter! - Should I hold my position? Over... What are they doing now? Over... - Dipping my foot in guacamole, sir. Over... I'd fall back about now.
ga111027 -- The monster is coming this way! - Ha! Look how slow it is! - My GRANDMOTHER could outrun that mon- EEEEK! - Um...chaeck that. Maw-Maw went with her track shoes on.
ga111028 -- Mr. Mayor! A giant cheesy fake rubber spider is invading the city! - You can see the wires and everything! - Thrn call out the tiny toy tanks! Pardon me, but your budget is showing.
ga111029 -- General, there's a giant mutant 98-year-old lady approaching on radar! - How bad can that be? Bad, sir. - She's driving a 32-story 1965 Bonneville! With a 16-foot blinking left turn signal.
ga111030 -- click - ...GIVE MY CREATURE *LIFE*!!! - ZZZZZIT! ZZZZZOT! - LIFE, I SAY...*LIFE*!!! - ZZZZZZIT! ZZZZZZOT! ZZZZZZAT! - ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!! I'LL GET UP ALREADY!!! - STOP WITH THE JOY BUZZER, MOM!!! Lazy teenage monsters.
ga111031 -- Why are there fang marks in the lasagna? - AND WHY IS THE TOMATO SAUCE MISSING? - Oh, sure. Blame the vampire.
ga111101 -- Winter approaches. - - Now it's a little farther away.
ga111102 -- Don't tell me...time to feed the cat. - Is this my life?! - There must be something more! My litter box is about to be declared a hazardous waste dump.
ga111103 -- So, how'd you get so FAT? - Eating chubby mice. - Let me rephrase that.
ga111104 -- Shall we go out to dinner tonight? - Okay! - She was talking to me! Very well, you may drive.
ga111105 -- I'll be howling at the moon tonight! Why do you do that? - Oh, it's something to do. That's silly. - Where are you going? I go bat a ball of yarn.
ga111106 -- Z Z Z - Z Z Z - Z Z z - - Z - z - Z Z
ga111107 -- Stick's Chased Free! - You Throw, We Retrieve - Four Sticks, No Waiting
ga111108 -- - Beware Of Dog Back in 5 Min - Bone break.
ga111109 -- Beware of Dogs Incorporated - - Employees Must Wash Paws Before Attacking
ga111110 -- A teddy bear makes everything better... - - ...and everything that's better even betterer.
ga111111 -- Look, Garfield! I bought a little teddy bear accordion for Pooky! - Well?! - Don't make eye contact, Pooky, and maybe he'll just wander away.
ga111112 -- - SNAKE! - Practicing...just in case. The weekends are way too long.
ga111113 -- - Woo-hoo! This must be where the action is! - - Did you get my sarcasm there? - - OW! - Did you get my kick there?
ga111114 -- MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH - - Help! I'm being eaten by a cookie jar! Get out of there!
ga111115 -- Uh-oh! - Other side! Other side! - Ah, that's better.
ga111116 -- - He's certainly a happy dog. - YOU oughta be a diplomat.
ga111117 -- It would be nice to wake up to music. - Instead of alarm. No problem. - I'd like to open with a little blues number. Sigh.
ga111118 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Were you even listening to me? - Sometimes I wonder why I even bother! You're a dog, right?
ga111119 -- I declare this house property of the Empire of Mice! - - Garfield... Shh. Don't let them hear you!
ga111120 -- bip boop boop beep bip - What do you feel like for dinner tonight, Liz? - How about Italian? - No? Chinese, then? - How does pizza sound? - Or we could just do big greasy burgers. - Oh, and we may have to bring the cat. "May"? There is no
ga111120 -- "may".
ga111121 -- Do you think there could be creatures from outer space watching us? - Could be... - How desparate are they for entertainment?
ga111122 -- We're here to enjoy the great outdoors, Garfield. - To commune with nature. - You're not communing! I can fit seventeen noths in my mouth.
ga111123 -- Nice to see you, Garfield. - MY cookie! - It's the friendly ones you have to watch out for.
ga111124 -- Love is what I'm all about. - Did I say "love"? SMACK! - I meant to say "pastry".
ga111125 -- - - Like I'd forget your shopping list.
ga111126 -- You're getting kind of big. - - Cool!
ga111127 -- - Garfield, the stomach garage called, you're due for a 10,000-meal tune-up. - The boy scouts called...they want to help your stomach cross the street. - The hospital called...they want to donate your stomach to a blue whale. - The
ga111127 -- planetarium called...your stomach is replacing Pluto as the ninth planet! - The stomach museum called, inviting you to a one-man show. - Fat Watchers called...they want to come over and stare. All this talk is making me hungry.
ga111128 -- Here is a box. - Fill it with something and give it to me. - Ah, the spirit of Christmas.
ga111129 -- Do you know what you want for Christmas, Garfield? - - This is a picture of a pizzeria. We could put it right over there.
ga111130 -- Your Christmas list needs to be a little more practical. - Fine. - This is an ice cream truck. Transportation AND nourishment!
ga111201 -- Garfield, this isn't a Christmas catalog... - It's a restaurant supply catalog! - Ooo, a hot dog cart! And it matches our sofa perfectly!
ga111202 -- Have you finished it? Done and done. - I just e-mailed it. - Why did the lights just go dim? We're downloading Garfield's chhristmas list.
ga111203 -- - Wow! Look who's lost a TON of weight! - That takes care of HIS gift.
ga111204 -- To: sclaus@nor - Dear Santa, I have been a very good cat all year long. - You can't fool Santa, you know. - He knows if you've been good OR bad. - And he's watching you all the time. - - Although perhaps you've seen my evil twin.
ga111205 -- If you take that last donut, Santa will put you on his naughty list! - - No fat guy would ever do that.
ga111206 -- STOMP! - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - We will return to "Santa's Elves versus Godzilla". The battle is just a bit lopsided.
ga111207 -- Dog drool... - And mistletoe! - Suddenly I don't feel very safe.
ga111208 -- Jon, don't spend too much on my gift. Don't worry, Liz. I won't. - - I MEAN... Toooo late.
ga111209 -- Jon, stop worrying about what to get me... - I'm sure whatEVER you pick will be PERFECT, and JUST what I want! - No pressure there. In theater, this is referred to as "flop sweat".
ga111210 -- I don't know what to get my girlfriend for Christmas, dad. - Why don't you get her a pair of frilly overalls? Frilly? - The ones with the lace bib. May I talk to mom?
ga111211 -- - - - - - - GAH
ga111212 -- Garfield is limping. - - PUT THAT CANDY CANE BACK ON THE CHRISTMAS TREE!
ga111213 -- - - Odie's been licking from the Christmas tree stand again.
ga111214 -- - - Liz is coming over. I was kind of hoping that was the case.
ga111215 -- FORGET it, pll. - I'd rather kiss a DOG! - Uh-oh.
ga111216 -- Liz is bringing over a batch of her holiday fudge! - - You can close your mouth now. - Fudge first.
ga111217 -- - - YEEEOW
ga111218 -- - - - - boop bip beep bip boop - Hi, Jon, it's Liz. My power just went out here. Did your power go out? - It's for you.
ga111219 -- * FA-LA-LA-LAH-LAH-LAH-LA-LAH- - GURK! - My singing Christmas wreath! MY nap.
ga111220 -- Garfield - - Never draw a mouse in a gift exchange.
ga111221 -- Santa! You shaved your beard! - And put on more weight! poke poke - And lost your sense of humor.
ga111222 -- - - Okay, that was gross.
ga111223 -- HO! HO! HO! - I'm SPIDER CLAUS! - I HOPE YOU GET UNDERWEAR!
ga111224 -- Nobody can sleep on Christmas eve... - Nooobody. -
ga111225 -- - - - - - pack pack pack pack - Merry Christmas.
ga111226 -- Run, Liz! - Run while you still can! - New sweater. Run, Odie!
ga111227 -- Garfield, I've made a resolution! - No more thumb-sucking! - Except during scary movies. That goes without saying.
ga111228 -- Any new year's resolutions, Garfield? - To stop eating junk food, and to exercise every day. - And to curb my incessant lying.
ga111229 -- Any new year's resolutions, spider? To think befor eI speak. - ...FATSO! - Blew it already, didn't you, Bob? Go bite a black widow, Larry.
ga111230 -- Making any new year's resolutions, Garfield? Yep. - The same one I make every year. - Not to mess with perfection.
ga111231 -- - HAPPY NEW YEAR! - Woo hoo! So that explains the hats.
ga120101 -- - - Hey there, guy! - Hi, boy! - Howdy-doo! * - Sigh... - It's lonely being a scale on new year's day.
ga120102 -- I seek truth! - - But a cookie will do.
ga120103 -- - Don't ever change, Jon! - Want to look like a winner? Hang around a loser.
ga120104 -- - It's nice to be stared at by you, Garfield. - FINALLY somebody gets it!
ga120105 -- Odie, I would like to speak seriously to you. - - But that would be impossible.
ga120106 -- Sometimes I wonder... - I wonder what life would be like without you. - Would I be happier? You'll never know.
ga120107 -- Remember the time I stepped on your tail? - The important thing is that YOU remember it. - When the weather is damp, I still walk with a limp.
ga120108 -- - Yip! - Don't do that! - Yip? Yeah, that. - - - BARK!
ga120109 -- I'm a happy cat! I'm a happy cat! - Uh... - Boy, that donut wore off fast.
ga120110 -- I'm not going to bite you. - But I AM going to disrespect you in my blog. - Kids.
ga120111 -- Cats are better than dogs. - And not to present the other side, here's Odie. - Hey! No puppy-dog eyes!
ga120112 -- BURP! BURP! BURP! BURP! - BURP! BURP! BURP! BURP! - Are you quite through?! The good times can't last forever, pal.
ga120113 -- Is that a gag tie? - Uh... - Try saying "yes" and see what happens.
ga120114 -- Hey, Jon. - Check out my happy expression. - Getting nervous yet?
ga120115 -- - BARK! BARK! BARK! - Hey, how about I take you for a walk? - A CAT walking a dog? Are you trying to humiliate me?! No, I was just... - Well, you're doing a good job, mister! - My self-esteem is ruined! Sorry, I was joking. - So...no walk?
ga120115 -- Dogs.
ga120116 -- You're not perfect, you know. - I must agree. - It is my one fault.
ga120117 -- I think I look good in a hat. - Odie, not so much.
ga120118 -- - That's not a mouse hole. It's just drawn on the wall. - What is?
ga120119 -- MEOOOOOWWRRRR - ROOWWRR - Can't you rehearse someplace else?! Opera hater.
ga120120 -- I think you'll like the restaurant I've chosen. - Will they have a place to plug in ma jacket? - Changing? Mx jacket clashed with the expression on Liz's face.
ga120121 -- Woo-hoo! - I finally got the knot out of my shoelace! - That was a day well spent.
ga120122 -- Sigh... - I gave up donuts for my new year's resolution, Garfield. - I haven't eaten a donut for three weeks now. - I didn't think it would be so hard. - Boy, I sur emiss them . HI, Liz! - Okay, did you see that? He usually has sprinkles.
ga120123 -- Um...'sup? - Uh...nice shoes! - I'm practicing some things to say to Liz. Leave nothing to chance.
ga120124 -- What's the name of that perfume you're wearing? - You probably smell the chocolate chip cookie in my purse. - That's a long name. Where have you been all my life?
ga120125 -- Jon... - Isn't one of you pant legs a little short? Huh? - GARFIELD! Needed a headband.
ga120126 -- Do you mind if I gaze into your eyes, Liz? Not at all. - - I wasn't trying to hypnotize him. It just happened. Make him cluck like a chicken!
ga120127 -- * KISS - - Lose a bet?
ga120128 -- I don't trust our waiter. - Why is that, Jon? - It's just a feeling. We're out of the (burp) veal.
ga120129 -- - - CHONK - - - - Where's he get the bucket of cherry syrup? Some things are better left unknown...
ga120130 -- All is right in the world. - Today has been one disaster after another. - Fortunately, the world only cares about me.
ga120131 -- - SNICK SNICK SNICK SNICK - So you were playing with the cat... Just cut me down.
ga120201 -- Someone has stolen my identity! - - They gave it back. Surprise, surprise.
ga120202 -- - - We cats have to get into this eating-kids'-homework racket.
ga120203 -- Sorry I'm late. - Oh, that's okay. But I have a really good explanation. - I put on my pants backwards. And he walked three blocks in the wrong direction before he realized it.
ga120204 -- I'm not wearing my slip-ons today... - I'm going to wear shoes with laces! - Don't be a hero, Jon!
ga120205 -- - - - - - - All right, I'll turn the heat up. Well, look who took a hint.
ga120206 -- - It's still winter. - Keep me posted.
ga120207 -- Burp - BURP1 - Not everything is a contest, you know. Said the loser.
ga120208 -- BEWARE OF DOG grrrr - FLOP -
ga120209 -- - DOMUT SHOP - I'm moving.
ga120210 -- - BEWARE OF DOG - With a sign like that, you don't need a dog.
ga120211 -- Heh heh heh - What's on your mind, Garfield? Uh... - Are you wearing a wire?
ga120212 -- lick lick - lick lick lick lick - KAFF - KAFF! KAFF! KAFF! KAFF! KAAAAAFFFFF! KAAAAAFFFFF!! - HAAAAACK!! - Whew. - So...how's your oatmeal?
ga120213 -- Ready for our date, Liz? - But first we should alert the fire departmen. - 'cause my lips are on fire. Maybe it'll spread to the jacket.
ga120214 -- Liz, have I told you how beautiful I think you are? - About thirty seconds ago. - Oh, that's right! Have you tried dating without notes?
ga120215 -- I think I embarrassed Liz in the restaurant. - Why can't I remember? - Use the silverware! - Or don't order spaghetti and banana cream pudding.
ga120216 -- Liz wants me to share my feelings. - - What the heck does that mean? Maybe it's in the dictionary.
ga120217 -- - - Only six more hours until my date with Liz! Looking forward to it, are we?
ga120218 -- I bought you some chocolates, Liz. - Wh, thank you, Jon. - Would you like to smell them on Garfield's breath? No, thank you, Jon.  Come on, take whiff. They were great!
ga120219 -- - Garfield, get up. It's almost noon. - - I know it's cold, but you can't stay in bed FOREVER! - Are you going to hibernate all winter?! POKE POKE POKE - - I knew this bear mask would come in handy.
ga120220 -- People are more important to me than things. - - That's because your things are all lousy.
ga120221 -- - HA! HA! HA! HA! - Dogs look ridiculous in hats.
ga120222 -- How's it going, Garfield? Awful. - BURP! - Pretty good.
ga120223 -- - BURP - Yep, I'm never off the clock.
ga120224 -- I don't think our waiter likes me. Why do you say that? - Here is your roll, sir. BONK! - Call it a hunch. Pie?
ga120225 -- Garfield!... - ZIP! - Dinner! ZIP! Been there, (burp) done that.
ga120226 -- - Hey, buddy! - How's it going, pal? - Odie? - Are you in there? - - Hey, guys! ...guys?
ga120227 -- HELLO, I'M A CAT. AND GEE, I WONDER WHAT TIME IT IS?! - OH, THAT'S RIGHT...IT'S TIME TO SMACK THE SPIDER! - BECAUSE I HAVE NO LIFE! - Attitude adjustment time.
ga120228 -- Odie will now explain what's wrong with the world. - Meow. - Hey!
ga120229 -- Why don't you love me anymore, Brenda? - WHOP - You've changed.
ga120301 -- SMACK! - - Guess what happened to me? OH, GEE. LET ME THINK...
ga120302 -- Liz, remember when we met? - Remember the first thing you said to me? - Nice teddy bear tie? Okay, the second thing.
ga120303 -- - SWAT! AAAHHH! - Not funny!
ga120304 -- - - - - donk donk donk donk donk donk donk donk donk - WOOOOOOSH - I'm done with march.
ga120305 -- It's hard to keep up with all the scientific advances these days. - THE WHEEL IS AMAZING! - Unless you'r eliving with a visionary.
ga120306 -- Ah, the winter hunt. - Stalking big game across the frozen tundra. - CAt HAIR IN THE REFRIGERATOR! When I happened upon a wounded cheese platter...
ga120307 -- What's up? Nothing whatsoever. Nothing. What's up with you? - Any plans? Nope. Nope. You? - A cat's curiosity is rivaled only by his apathy.
ga120308 -- What are you up to? - - On the advice of my attorney, I decline to answer.
ga120309 -- Do you have a philosophy of life, Jon? - Uh... - Eat fast, before Garfield gets to the table. Did I hear "eat"?
ga120310 -- Whoa...Jon actually looks cool today. - Did I forget to pay the light bill? - Oh! Silly me! Cool and stupid.
ga120311 -- Date night, Garfield. - It's Liz's turn to pick the movie this week. - Oh, man, I hope it's not a weepy chick movie. - Give me a good monster movie any old day! bip bip - Hi, Liz, it's Jon! What are we seeing tonight? - I picked a monster
ga120311 -- movie. YES! - "When Godzilla Met Sally". CLOP
ga120312 -- - Shouldn't you be living a life? - What channel is that on?
ga120313 -- Welcome to "Self-Help for Cats". - Tonight's subject... - Changing your own litter box. "Menu," "Mute," "Guide," here it is... "Block Channel".
ga120314 -- You're watching Channel 637. - Welcome to "Staring at Cows". - Moo It IS peaceful.
ga120315 -- The monster is stepping on the city! - Ow! Ow! Ow! - Pointy buildings. Ooch!
ga120316 -- The name of the murderer is... - Bob... - Bob...something. The years are catching up with Sherlock.
ga120317 -- Z - STREEEEEETCH Whoa! - This has been "A Day in the Life of a Cat". I LOVE exciting endings!
ga120318 -- O-kay! - Time for spring cleaning, Garfield! - Let's see...receipt...receipt...receipt...ticket stubs...that was a good movie... - Credit card slip...when did I eat THERE? ...business cards...parking ticket...oops, better pay that. -
ga120318 -- ...expired coupons...fortune cookie fortunes...photo of someone I can't identify...hey! My high school locker combination! - ...Binky the Clown Club card...dry cleaning claim check...1997?! Boy, I've gotta pick that up! ...receipt...old
ga120318 -- shopping list...THERE! - And my wallet STILL looks like a meatball! Time for a man purse, pack rat.
ga120319 -- We should do something. - Yes, we should. - I mentioned we should do something, right? Which counts as doing something.
ga120320 -- I'm thinking about taking a nap. Oh, come on! - You don't THINK about taking naps, you just... - Z
ga120321 -- BOOT! - Yes! - Why is the window open? Target practice.
ga120322 -- Someday insects will rule the world! - Then what? - Uh, we'll ge tto crawl on stuff. Oh, the humanity.
ga120323 -- I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well, Liz. - Of course we can cancel our date. - Another can of deodorant down the drain! Mr. Tense.
ga120324 -- Why are we out of Hot Dog buns? - They were just the right size for sparrows. - I am so glad that I can't understand you. Next, I'm thinking of experimenting with squirrels.
ga120325 -- Good riddance, winter! - At last! No more snow! No more ice! - No more windchill factors! - No more cold floors in the morning! - We can even open the WINDOWS again!! - All those things that drive me crazy are finally... -
ga120325 -- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ga120326 -- A cat and a mouse! - You two are pathetic! - You could at least fake it! Oh, no, don't eat me. die, vermin.
ga120327 -- MICE ARE GOOD FOR NOTHING! - whisper whisper whisper - Boris ate five thousand cheese cubes once.
ga120328 -- - TA-DAH! - That's a good entrance. My sparkler went out.
ga120329 -- - - We had twins! I noticed!
ga120330 -- Ha! Ha! - Look at Jon drinking from my coffee cup! - Ha! Ha!Look at Jon drinking from my hot tub!
ga120331 -- Hi, there, I'm a field mouse. Yo. Hey, there. - Wow. - How does he get a pizza delivered? Exactly.
ga120401 -- Sigh - Nobody reads my blog. - I know! I'll post a pictur eof YOU! People on the Internet LOVe cats! - Do something funny! - - COME ON!! - Today I ate a smartphone.
ga120402 -- ** - SMASH! HEY! - I LIKED that ringtone! Trust me. The world is a better place now.
ga120403 -- The chicken is missing! And the tomatoes! - - Keep going.
ga120404 -- Hey! - ** - Some of us like to CLIMB that tree!
ga120405 -- You should try thinking of others. - - How's it going? This is going to take some time.
ga120406 -- It has occured to me that I am no longer a loser. - I have a girlfriend, pets... - An awesome sock collection... Loser.
ga120407 -- Z - Z meow - You meow in your sleep. Then there is hardly any reason to be awake.
ga120408 -- - Uh-oh, time to feed the cat. I'll do it. - VEEEEEEEEEE * ka-chink! - Here you are, Garfield. - GLOMP! CHOMP! SNARF! SNORK! GOBBLE! SLURP! - BURRRRP! - More dip? I'll pass.
ga120409 -- JON'S DONUT - JON'S DONUT - GARFIELD ATE JON'S DONUT
ga120410 -- Jon is in deep thought. - Well, not REAL deep. - Kind of kiddie-pool deep in thought.
ga120411 -- This is nice. Why don't I go outside more? - * THEY CALL ME NAAATURE BOY...FAH-LA-L * - Oh, yeah.
ga120412 -- You have to have a positive attitude, Garfield. - You have to look into the mirror and say... - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Ready for our group gag?
ga120413 -- Hello? ...no, I just woke up. - Okay, I'll look for it. - Liz can't find her makeup case. Haven't seen it!!!
ga120414 -- It's amazing what you can learn online. - BRAIN-EATING MARTIANS ARE GOING TO GET US! - Like how gullible some people are.
ga120415 -- * - What a beautiful spring day, Garfield. - Blue sky...warm sun... - Perfect for working in the garden. - People should really celebrate days like this. - HELLO, MISTER SPRINGTIME!!! - Should I look? How's your heart?
ga120416 -- I've seen it all. - Nothing impresses me. - I just felt the best breeze! Jon, on the other hand...
ga120417 -- Woo-hoo! It's butterfly time! - Whoa, I'm a little dizzy. - I'm going to lie here awhile and then call a cab. Nature isn't what it used to be.
ga120418 -- It's everybody's favorite quiz show, "Ask Odie"! - Ready for your first question Odie? - Hmmmm... That wasn't it, dipwad!
ga120419 -- - Still breathing, I seel. - I like to keep busy.
ga120420 -- Well...uh...I...uh...um...you know...gee...um... - Bye. - I was trying to leave Liz a voice mail. You really should work with notes.
ga120421 -- Jon! I've been kidnapped! - And I could use a little help with my ransom note. - How do you spell "sardines"? When you miss naps you scare me.
ga120422 -- Garfield - - GLOMP! - - POOOOO  - - Not loving the liver? Not loving the liver.
ga120423 -- There's cat hair on everything. That is an exaggeration. - Look at the ceil... - Never mind.
ga120424 -- The computer has a virus! - Now it crashed! - Jon doesn't do well with technology. Now it's packing to leave!
ga120425 -- How are you today, Garfield? - YOU tell ME. - And she calls herself a veterinarian.
ga120426 -- Prepare to be swatted, bug! - Go ahead. Just don't sit on me. - See, I said that 'cause you're fat. There isn't a newspaper big enough...
ga120427 -- eek! The cat! - Fear not! There is safety in numbers! - Funny...I don't FEEL safe. Shut up. I love field trips.
ga120428 -- I sometimes regret doing this. - SMACK! - It's not good for the magazine. MY SYMPATHIES!
ga120429 -- - - POUNCE! - - THUD! - Now where's my laser pointer? Revenge is mine!!
ga120430 -- What a beautiful day! - KABOOM! - Nature can be cruel. And funny!
ga120501 -- Here's your dinner, Garfield. - The label came off the can, so I'm not sure what this is. - Sometimes that's a blessing.
ga120502 -- BOOT - BLORP! - The mashed potatoes might taste kind of funny tonight.
ga120503 -- - BEWARE of Nothing - There's gotta be a catch...
ga120504 -- You know, Jon, people with pets live longer. - Yeah, if we LET you. - He's doing it again! What?! Meow.
ga120505 -- SLAM! - Hey! - Mrs. Feeny has a picture of you destroying her garden! Very well...I'll sign it.
ga120506 -- - - - - Batteries - - click click click click The set is FIVE FEET away! Girls.
ga120507 -- Science Fiction Theater presents... - "The Hard-Working Cat". Ridiculous! - Jon! Change the channel for me!
ga120508 -- Ranger Bob, what is the secret to wilderness survival? - Well, sidekick Rick, never stare directly at the sun... - And never try to milk a badger. That was my favorite episode.
ga120509 -- Welcome to "Ask theVet". - Doctor, why don't cats fetch? - Believe it or not, some cats DO fetch! We call them "dogs".
ga120510 -- The following commercials... - will be presented... - with minimal program interruption. Remote, do your thing.
ga120511 -- CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK - CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK - What's on television? You got the time?
ga120512 -- Hey, kids! - It's time for... - "Mr. Pituiary Glan'd Clubhouse"! I hate educational programming.
ga120513 -- Mmmmm... - The days are getting longer and warmer. - Soon it'll be hot again... - And I'll be able to lounge in the kiddie pool all day. - Soon, very, very, soon. - Not yet, though.
ga120514 -- Good news. - You're in no danger of falling. - Whew. Now I can relax.
ga120515 -- It's National Tell-A-Lie Day! - - And, yes, I made that up.
ga120516 -- bzzzzzz Follow me to paradise! - zzzzzz Woo hoo! - I don't think I want to see what a fly considers paradise.
ga120517 -- Aw! Z - They're so cute... - When their food is being stolen.
ga120518 -- I've painted a portrait of Liz. - - I don't think I'll show it to her. Smart move, Pablo.
ga120519 -- I'm all about my beauty. - STOMP STOMP - Should have made a backup plan.
ga120520 -- Sigh - Aren't the stars beautiful tonight, Garfield? - They're all sparkling like little diamonds! - You know, I'm really glad you're here to share this evening with me. It makes it even more special. - Are you glad I'm here with you, too? - Z
ga120520 -- - Z - How was your date? Painful.
ga120521 -- It's morning. - - And the day is already ruined.
ga120522 -- ** - AQUARIUM ----> - Where have you been? Heaven!
ga120523 -- Every day is just like every other day. - My life has been one LONG day. - You waste a lot of money on calendars.
ga120524 -- This cereal is a good source of fiber. - Fiber? - So THIS is where missing socks go.
ga120525 -- Somebody should write a poem about you, Liz. - How about YOU, Jon? Me? - Uh...I'm not very good... What rhymes with "meow"?
ga120526 -- Dogs love to swim. - - And I know lots of OTHER embarrassing things, too.
ga120527 -- Z - Z - BURP - Z - BURP - Z - Best pizza dream EVER!
ga120528 -- Things aren't always what they seem - Whoa... - Then it's possible that I'm having a good time?
ga120529 -- They cut my tree down! - Now where am I going to live?! - What's that noise in the attic? Squirrels have an amazing amount of furniture.
ga120530 -- WHAP! SMACK! THUD! - Odie tripped. - Here's an eyewitness statement swearing I was in Bolivia at the time.
ga120531 -- BARKBARKBARK - -DING! Quitting time! - 'sup, dude? - Oddness.
ga120601 -- Now there's an interesting stamp... - Z - Time? Z Twenty-three seconds...a new record.
ga120602 -- Ah, "Alice in Wonderland." A timeless classic. - - That should keep the table from wobbling.
ga120603 -- - Stop it, Odie! - Man, that creeps me out. - SNICK! - I hate his "lizard" days.
ga120604 -- This has been a good day. - It has? - Man, I should have been paying attention.
ga120605 -- Love... - GLOMP! - Is felleting.
ga120606 -- I've told you before, guys... - No pillaging at the dinner table. - But we're vikings.
ga120607 -- Who wants to ride in the car?! - You never show any entusiasm, Garfield. I don't like to ride in the car. - And I have hidden his keys.
ga120608 -- What's that, Liz? You're asking me if I can dance? - - Wait, do you smell something burning? - OH, yeah, my shoes are on FIRE! In your dreams.
ga120609 -- - Because I say so, that's why! - Thirty-two minutes. That's a new record for a comeback. YES!
ga120610 -- rrrrrrrr - Finally! All done! - BOOOOM - - rumble rumble rumble - SPOING - That's just not fair. Suck it up, mow boy.
ga120611 -- - Annoyed yet? - Yes, Jon. For over thirty-three years now, Jon.
ga120612 -- They say the older you get, the wiser you get. I've heard that. - Boy, you must be a stinking GENIUS! - And his reflexes aren't too shabby either.
ga120613 -- So, how old are you going to be this year? - You know, that's kind of an impolite question to ask. - Wow, that old, huh?
ga120614 -- Cheer up, Garfield. It's only a birthday. Not helping. - There'll be cake. Helping. - With lots and lots of candles! Not helping again.
ga120615 -- What are you worried about your birthday for, Garfield? Cats have NINE lives! - Aww...feel better now? I  love you, Liz. - You're a good liar.
ga120616 -- It's tonight's age night mare, Garfield, and I'm a HEARING AID! You don't look so scary. - - AAAAY?
ga120617 -- - We're here for the party this week. Where's the cake? The kithcen is that way. - OKAY, FELLAS! fOLLOW ME! - - - Definitely one of my more depressing birthday nightmares.
ga120618 -- Hi! I'm your age nightmare! - What are YOU doing here? - Uh... - Funny...I knew before I walked into the room.
ga120619 -- Whoa, if I eat another bite, I'm going to explode. - - Better stand back...
ga120620 -- - I have being cute covered for today. - That's one less thing for me to worry about.
ga120621 -- "Dear Ask A Dog"... - "who wants to go for a walk?" - We'll have to get back to you with that answer.
ga120622 -- Liz isn't coming over tonight. - Hey, it's just us guys! Uh-oh... - We can can run around the backyard in our underwear! LIZ!!!
ga120623 -- - Why not turn the computer on? - And ruin a perfectly good day?!
ga120624 -- pffffft - - - - - - Dogs are lousy bluffers.
ga120625 -- The world is filled with many wonders. - - And Jon.
ga120626 -- - - Looking forward for dinner? How can you tell?
ga120627 -- You can't have everything! - Good! - Because a lot of stuff stinks.
ga120628 -- - - Have you checked out the gift shop? Stay out of my closet!
ga120629 -- Oops, I dropped a contact lens. - I didn't know you wore contact lenses, Jon. - I don't. I just like to carry them around. And I know WAY weirder stuff about him, lady!
ga120630 -- - AIIIEEEEEE - I didn't know your voice could go that high. You clawed me! Don't change the subject, choirboy.
ga120701 -- 97, 98, 99,199! - I just did 100 pushups! - All right, I admit they were video game pushups. - But I think I strained a tendon... - And tore a cutile. - I think I'll go put ice on it and lie down. - Is he always this. You don't know the half
ga120701 -- of it. lady. GAH! THAT'S COLD!
ga120702 -- - Why so grumpy? - I'll think of something.
ga120703 -- - BURP! - I've been saving that up.
ga120704 -- There are certain drawbacks to summer. - - There were five of them.
ga120705 -- - - I have to admit...dogs know how to relax.
ga120706 -- No, Liz, and that's final! Oh, okay. - I'm going shopping. - BECAUSE I WANT TO! Hand over your man card.
ga120707 -- I just texted Jon. - I would prefer that you meow at me in person. - Quaint is so cute.
ga120708 -- - "Directions for easy preparation". - "Preheat oven to 425 degrees". - "Place on center rack for 17 to 19 minutes, or until crust is golden brown". - It also says we can microwave it in six minutes. - What do you think? - 'bout what?
ga120709 -- Cats know how to have fun. - - It's a carefully guarded secret.
ga120710 -- Invader from outer space! - - Okay, tourist from outer space.
ga120711 -- - - Somebody had their teeth cleaned today.
ga120712 -- Another one?! - The ice cream man is giving free samples again?! - I'm getting one! You'll need this brick.
ga120713 -- Liz, have I shown you my tie that's so wide I don't need to wear a shirt? - - She still hasn't said anything. Not even blinked.
ga120714 -- Yay, team! - Oh, wait...I don't have a team. - More food for me.
ga120715 -- - Murf-murf-murf Buck? - Murf-murf-murf What is it, boy? - Murf-murf-murf Is it trouble, boy? - Murf-murf-murf Is somebody hurt? - Murf-murf-murf IS THE BARN ON FIRE?! - Mur-murf WHAT IS IT?! Buck is telling you that you're out of peanut
ga120715 -- butter, dimwit.
ga120716 -- BARK! That's what you always say. - You notice I'm a dog, right? Oh, right. - That explains your breath. BARK!
ga120717 -- ** - BARK! FFFT! - It's just not the same...
ga120718 -- Beware Of Mysterious Dog - - Will I bark? Won't I bark? Mysterious, indeed...
ga120719 -- Bark - Is that it? - That's all I prepared. Can't you ad-lib SOMETHING?!
ga120720 -- BEWARE OF THE DOG - WHO SOMEHOW MANAGED TO... - GET DENTISTRY TOOLS Next!
ga120721 -- BAK! - - Oops. Worst lip-syncing I've ever seen.
ga120722 -- - - - - - GARFIELD!! - You guys can't bungee jump from the light switch anymore.
ga120723 -- The story you are about to see is true. - - Dull, but true.
ga120724 -- "Dear ask a dog"... - "Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!" - You wrote this one, didn't you? Yip!
ga120725 -- Garfield, I'm getting old! - I found a grey hair! Don't panic. - It was in my ear! Okay, panic.
ga120726 -- Aging is no fun, Garfield. And what's even worse... - - What was I saying? That we haven't had dessert.
ga120727 -- - If our eyes were in our ears, would we walk sideways? - Sorry, I was trying to fill the lull. That's sweet, but don't.
ga120728 -- - scratch scratch - That's your birthday present. Don't get used to it.
ga120729 -- click - Tonight, after months of dieting, exercise, and hard work... - We will learn which of our contestants has lost the most wieght! - WHO will be our grand prize winner?! - Stay tuned for the exciting final weigh-in, right after these
ga120729 -- messages! - - ...and we're back!
ga120730 -- It's hot out here. - It's Jon in here. - Hot it is!
ga120731 -- - Aw - And my paw is sticky no more.
ga120801 -- ECHO POINT - - You have to speak first, dimwit.
ga120802 -- Your yowling kept me awake all night, Garfield. - What do you think we should do about this? - Have you tried sleeping all day like me?
ga120803 -- - Garfield! Lunch! - Back At: 1:00
ga120804 -- Look, Liz, it's Jon! - Oops, sorry. It's just a head of cabbage! - We don't have the same sense of humor, do we?
ga120805 -- - - BZZZZ! - BZZZZ! - BZZZZ! - GARFIELD! ODIE! BZZZZ! - Stop texting each other!
ga120806 -- - You know how to waste time, don't you? - This coming from somebody watching me do it.
ga120807 -- It's a plague of locusts! Run fo your life! - It's the end of the world! AYIEEEE!!! - There's only one of you. But I'm REALLY good!
ga120808 -- Odie is enjoying a little snack. munch munch munch - munch munch munch - Or, it's enjoying him. munch munch munch
ga120809 -- The world is my scratching post! - Bwa-ha-haaa! - Do you know how many times the phone has rung?! Should be 37.
ga120810 -- Garfield washed my jacket. - And now it doesn't fit. - You da cat. You're welcome.
ga120811 -- What's that, Liz? - You say Garfield is due for a SHOT? - Just kidding! What a waste of cat food.
ga120812 -- - COMING SOON! - TO A YARD NEAR YOU! - BEWARE OF DOG! - IN GLORIOUS 3D! - -
ga120813 -- I wonder what's going on in the world. - - You can tell I'm kidding, right?
ga120814 -- Please keep your sock puppet out of my sock drawer. - - I get lonely.
ga120815 -- Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! - Arf? - Sorry, I don't speak poodle.
ga120816 -- Beware of Invisible Dog - Hey! Can I get a little privacy?! - I didn't see the invisible tree.
ga120817 -- Okay, name a game that children play. - "Eat the onion, weakling!" - "Give me your bike"? You poor thing.
ga120818 -- The yard is a good place to take a nap. - Uh-oh. - Unless you get carried off by ants. ANTS WITH HEAVY MACHINERY, MAYBE!
ga120819 -- - Meow - What does "meow" mean? - MEOW - What? - MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! - I just don't understand you. - Sometimes "meow" just means "meow".
ga120820 -- The world exists for my amusement. - - This must be an intermission.
ga120821 -- There's a lot to learn about the world, Garfield. - - Not that we plan to learn it. Whew.
ga120822 -- - - I wouldn't want to be you.
ga120823 -- I'm a fierce jungle cat. BARK BARK * chirp chirp * - The jungle needs work.
ga120824 -- Hi, Garfield.  - What are you up to? - Oh, just waitinh for you to leave, so I can eat the donut Ih ave behind my back.
ga120825 -- Echo Point Cough - COUGH! - I'm sicker than I thought.
ga120826 -- - - - - - You're welcome. Ow.
ga120827 -- - - How are things outside? Not much of a plot.
ga120828 -- Now to enter my time travel machine. - Z - And, just like that, it's tomorrow!
ga120829 -- Here you go! Hot off the grill! clink! - I fwouldn't feed this to a DOG - I would. crunch crunch crunch crunch
ga120830 -- - - I know a little something about decorating.
ga120831 -- What's that smell? sniff sniff - Do I smeel old tuna? - That's my new perfume. Niiiiiice!
ga120901 -- - Garfield needs lasagna. - How did you do that? Who, me?
ga120902 -- - Good afternoon, sir. - Are you traveling alone today? - No luggage? No carry-on? - Here's your ticket. - All scheduled departures are on time. - BOOT! And do have a good trip!
ga120903 -- We should form a book club. - And then we should sit around talking about books... - That we pretend we've read. Count me in.
ga120904 -- They say someday pets might be replaced by robots. - - Did he notice? No.
ga120905 -- Hello? - Hello? - Odie swallowed your phone again.
ga120906 -- ECHO POINT ECHO POINT - Oh, ha-ha. - I told you it wasn't funny. He laughed, didn't he?
ga120907 -- I'm learning a lot from Liz. - For instance... - Did you know that girls don't like it when you sneak up and belach in their ear? You're serious?
ga120908 -- - * - Smelled cookies.
ga120909 -- - Yikes. - Look at all those cobwebs. - That's just nasty. - We should do something about that. - Yeah. - Let's never look up again. We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga120910 -- People always ask me, "Garfield, how do you do it?" - And I always replay.. - "Do what?"
ga120911 -- You know what's good? Spinach. - Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, Jon! - I believe the correct pronounciation of thet word is "dooooonut".
ga120912 -- Odie, why are you always so content? - -
ga120913 -- Liz says I can be sarcastic. - I don't think so. - What do you think, "Flash"? Flash agrees with Liz.
ga120914 -- Liz says I need to be more of a thinker. - - Well, I'm glad that's over! Welcome back.
ga120915 -- Mystery! Excitement! - Adventure! Action! Thrills! - And lots of other things aren't going on here.
ga120916 -- Z - Z - Z -SNORRE - How was your nap? - BURP! - I dreamed that I was a cocoon.
ga120917 -- Feeling down? - Hey, you're not this guy! - There, feeling better?
ga120918 -- KEEP OUT - STAY AWAY - TURN BACK! This has to be something good!
ga120919 -- As you probably already know, cats are related to lions. - rowr - Boy, I could go for a gazelle burger about now.
ga120920 -- Whee! - I can fly! - That's your opinion!
ga120921 -- I've been doing a lot of reading, Liz. - I can now discuss current affairs. - Hey, those vikings are rascals, aren't they? Still on chapter one.
ga120922 -- - Z Z - Secret cat greeting.
ga120923 -- - This entire bowl of cheese puffs has vanished! - And I bet I know where they went... - GARFIELD! - Show me your paws! - - They're already orange... The perfect crime!
ga120924 -- - - I couldn't remember what I was on vacation from. I've done that.
ga120925 -- Someday mice will rule the world. - Then what? We'll get to live in people's houses and eat cheese. You don't say.
ga120926 -- rrrrrrrrrrrr - VRRRRRRMMMMMM - Tell me I didn't see that. You didn't see that.
ga120927 -- - - Day care.
ga120928 -- "The mice cheered as the cheese fairy said goodbye". - "With a wave of her wand, she flew out of the mousehole". - "Right into the gaping jaws of a ravenous cat". EEEEEE!!!
ga120929 -- Where's the mousetrap I set out? - The mice have it. - I'm beginning to think mice are smarter these days. They've turned it over, added legs, and made a nice coffee table out of it.
ga120930 -- Ah - Ah...AH....AH... - AH...AH...* - - Hey - CHOO - snurfle
ga121001 -- - - Okay, I know you're up to something. But whaaat?
ga121002 -- crunch crunch crunch - That was the best cookie I've eaten today! - And the competition was fierce.
ga121003 -- I'm too tired to climb this tree... - Let's just say I did. - What are you doing? Pretending to sweat.
ga121004 -- Life has different seasons. - A time to laugh, a time to reflect... - I'm going through my "Sunny Period"! A time to seek therapy...
ga121005 -- Allow me to get the door for you, Liz. - I'm always the gentleman. - That's the closet. He said he was polite, lady, not smart.
ga121006 -- - - I'm not making THAT much gravy. A can can hope, can't he?
ga121007 -- - - I know that look. - That's your "When-Jon-gets-in-the-shower-I'll-steal-all-the-donuts... - ...then-I'll-ransack-the-house-jummy-the-door-lock-and-tie-myself-to-a-chair... - ...so-it'll-look-like-a-crazed-maniac-broke-in-and-did-it" look.
ga121007 -- - Boy, I gotta work on disguising my looks.
ga121008 -- Running is good for you. - - Keep running. I'll let you know when I feel better.
ga121009 -- Odie buried a bone. - - Forgot to let go again.
ga121010 -- Hey, Garfield, let's pretend it's my birthday! Oh, boy... - I'll get presents and cards! Jon, how shall I say this?... - And cake! Happy birthday, buddy!
ga121011 -- Hi, Liz! Today is my birthday! - Well, not really, but I need cheering up. - Can you just play along?! Aaaand, she's off the guest list.
ga121012 -- No one came to my birthday party. It's not your birthday. - Maybe this was a dumb idea. Really?! - But we'll always have the hats! Time for your birthday noogie.
ga121013 -- That's the cafeteria staff. - School lunches were fun. - We had "Mystery Meat Mondays". I LOVE guessing games!
ga121014 -- - My shoelace broke today. - So I replaced it. - And then the other one broke! - So I replaced that one, too. - Oh, well, you know what I always say... - "Tomorrow is another day". Does it have to be?
ga121015 -- The good times can't last forever. - I'll keep that in mind... - In case they ever START!
ga121016 -- My coffee is stronger than Jon's. - My coffe is whimpering! - Mine slapped it around a little.
ga121017 -- Dogs have no business drinking coffee. - LAP LAP LAP LAP SLURP SLURP LAP LAP LAP LAP - I rest my case.
ga121018 -- Poor Jon hasn't been able to sleep. - The stress and responsibility of modern life. - There's a monster under my bed. And his night-light broke.
ga121019 -- SIGH - SIGH - They must be thinking about cupcakes, too.
ga121020 -- There is a wise man on top of this mountain. - AAAAAAAAAHHHH THUD - Okay, maybe not so wise after all.
ga121021 -- - Feel that nip in the air, Garfield? - That's fall. - And do you know what that means? - That means I have mowed my LAST lawn for the year! - WOOOSH - I could just scream. Suck it up, rake boy.
ga121022 -- From now on, I'm in charge around here. - Sure thing, let me write that down. - We'll just call it "Plan B".
ga121023 -- I've got a thousand legs, pal! - What do you think of that? I don't care. - You'll care when I start KICKING you!!!
ga121024 -- WOO-HOO! - WOO-HOO! - New sneakers! It's the small things in life that irritate me the most.
ga121025 -- Odie is climbing a tree. THUD - THUD - And, needless to say, digs aren't real good at that. THUD
ga121026 -- WHUMP! - Fear not! - HA! HA! HA! So far, so good.
ga121027 -- My new movie is a twist on the old werewolf story. - It's about a girl from Iowa who turns into a cow. - It opens with a blood-curdling moo! I smell an Oscar.
ga121028 -- - - - brush brush brush - - That must've been a good monster movie.
ga121029 -- Want to go to dinner and a movie? - Sure, we could do that, or... - I could transplant your brain into the body of a gorilla!! Eeeek! Never date a mad scientist.
ga121030 -- I can't sleep, Garfield. - I think there's a monster in my closet. - I heard him scream. He no doubt saw your wardrobe.
ga121031 -- And just what are you? I'm a ghost. - I'm cold, so I'm wearing a quilt instead of a sheet. - Lost the passion, huh? Two more months until retirement, and it's the Bahamas, baby!
ga121101 -- * DING-DONG - - Most pets don't ring doorbells and run! But, duh! If you walk, you get caught!
ga121102 -- I was gazing into Liz's eyes... - And she dozed off. - She must not have been gazing back. Wanna bet?
ga121103 -- Even with truth on your side... - It can still be hard to make others believe you. - THAT'S NOT FOOD, ODIE!
ga121104 -- I see everyone is here... - Thank you all for coming. Please take your seats. - BLORK - FLARP SQEET - FWEEEEP HORNK - VOOMP SQUARK QUEEEP BLART - "Whoopie Cushion Theater" will return in a moment. I beg to differ.
ga121105 -- Look at this, Garfield. - The human brain is superior to all other brains. No argument there, Jon. - You should get one of those.
ga121106 -- Bad mood, coming through. - SQUISH - You stepped in my guacamole! You're too close to the tracks.
ga121107 -- Meow - Quack! Quack! - Moooooo - Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! - Don't quit your day job.
ga121108 -- That's my uncle Otto. - He was very inquisitive. - Then one day a milking machine ripped his lips off. Interesting smile.
ga121109 -- I crave action! - Wait, that's not right. - I crave pudding!
ga121110 -- What can I do to impress Liz at dinner tonight? - Take me with you! - You're not helping. And lavish me with a big, thick steak!
ga121111 -- * RING - No, that's okay...I understand, we'll do it next week. - That was Liz. She had to cancel our date. - An emergency came uo at the animal hospital. Shot down because of a gerbil with a chest cold. - Sigh. - I hate gerbils. So do I,
ga121111 -- They're all gristle.
ga121112 -- Garfield, can you come here? - - No.
ga121113 -- I used to practice my dance moves in a mirror. - Then one day dad caught me. - He burned my tutu. I may not sleep for days.
ga121114 -- Here's an interesting stamp. - Fascinating! And thank you for sharing! - I'm not through. Oh, look! The escape hatch is closing!
ga121115 -- I wonder if life is still out there? - - Yes! And it has chocolate chips!
ga121116 -- Did you know that Liz is a veterinarian? Seriously? - - My knee hurts. Jon?
ga121117 -- Usually dogs look ridiculous in sweaters. - - But "ridiculous" wouldn't do that dog justice.
ga121118 -- - - Where do you keep your baster? Bottom kitchen drawer. - Thanks. No problem. - Just a turkey hallucination. I get them this time every year. - Nothing to worry about. - Hey, we can't find the casserole dish. They keep moving it. Some
ga121118 -- people.
ga121119 -- Hey, Garfield, I'll throw a pea, and you catch it in your mouth! - donk - Never mind. What's next on the agenda, you mad, crazy, fun person, you?
ga121120 -- - It's not healthy to feed pets people's food. - Or to talk crazy talk to a carnivore.
ga121121 -- Cheeseburger! Is that all you got? - Lasagna! I lught! - A cheeseburger, lasagna, donut sundae! -HA! You drooled! He's good.
ga121122 -- So you and Garfield are pigging out today. - By any chance, are you wearing togas? - What? More grapes.
ga121123 -- Let's see what's for supper. - Looks like leftovers. - Is meat loaf supposed to be this color? I'll get our meat loaf color chart.
ga121124 -- tick tick tick tick CHUKUNK! - tick tick tick tick CHUKUNK! - Stop making toast! Sure, "Get a hobby," he says.
ga121125 -- - - - - pook - -
ga121126 -- Look, Garfield, musical sneakers! - When you run in them... - They play "Flight of the Bumblebee". I need a really huge fly swatter.
ga121127 -- - - Odd...my self-esteem just dipped.
ga121128 -- Let's take a look at the weather. - A cold front is heading this way. - Who left the window open? The sports guy.
ga121129 -- That's creepy. - I got a strange voice mail. - It sounded like a screaming donut. One made it to a phone.
ga121130 -- - - Hoe's oh-so subtle.
ga121201 -- I thought this would be fun. - Outdoors...cutting down our Christmas tree... - That was a telephone pole. We should leave now.
ga121202 -- - I decided to get a small Christmas tree this year! - - - - SQUINCH - Changed my mind.
ga121203 -- So I have to be good for a whole month. Not a problem. - - This is gonna kill me!
ga121204 -- Decorating a Christmas tree. - Rule number one... - Never let the cat help. I feel festive!
ga121205 -- - I made eggnog! - WOULD YOU LIKE SOME?!! Needs more nutmeg.
ga121206 -- Gee, I sure wanted the last donut. - But someone has taken it. - Who would do that? Chubby elves?
ga121207 -- - X -
ga121208 -- SLAM! Liz and Jon are back. - * - From caroling.
ga121209 -- - - - - - It's just not Christmas without inflatable Santa. YEEEAAHHH
ga121210 -- - I SAID I was sorry! - Starched his Santa hat.
ga121211 -- - - Christmas bone catalog.
ga121212 -- Santa, bring lots of presents to my house. I will have cookies. - HA! You can't bribe Santa! - Ooooooooo, cookies.
ga121213 -- Banned from the mall! ...AGAIN! - I hope you're proud of yourself! -
ga121214 -- - -
ga121215 -- I've got the Christmas spirit! How about you?! - Fah la la la la! Woo hoo! Woo hoo! 'tis the season to... - MAY ALL YOUR BATTERIES NOT BE INCLUDED!!!
ga121216 -- Look, Garfield! - It's one of those recordable cards from everyone on the farm! - MOOO! The cow. - OINK-OINK! The pig. - CLUCK-CLUCK! The chicken. - BAAAA! The sheep. - HEY, NEENER HEAD! The brother.
ga121217 -- "I can wrap the present," said the kitten. "I can sing the carols," said the puppy. - "And I can trim the tree," said the mouse. - They love that part.
ga121218 -- Only one more week of being good till Christmas! - CHRISTMAS CAROL POLKA! - * ROLLLLLL OUT THE EGGNOG... * I'm not gonna make it, am I?
ga121219 -- Garfield, why don't you take a nice, looong nap? - - Jon's wrapping presents!
ga121220 -- Odie, want to know what I got Garfield for Christmas? - whisper whisper whisper -
ga121221 -- You'll NEVER find where I hid your present this year, Garfield. Oh, yeah?! - We'll SEE about that! - I hope he does find it. I forgot where I put it.
ga121222 -- This came for you, Santa. A GPS! How nice! - And it's already programmed... -
ga121223 -- - I'm baking Christmas cookies for Liz! - OW! OW! OW! - HOT! HOT! YAAH! FIRE! - - I accidentally set the oven to "broil". - We lost 12 gingerbread men, 6 elves, 3 Santas, and a sugarplum fair. Oh, the humanity.
ga121224 -- - Welcome - Welcome
ga121225 -- Merry Christmas, Jon. - Merry Christmas, Liz. - X Merry Christmas, everyone.
ga121226 -- ...and Liz made me a GREAT Christmas dinner, mom! - Go ahead and warm up the TV, Liz! I'll be right there! - No, your potatoes are better. I HEARd THAT! So much for peace on earth.
ga121227 -- Let's see the sweater mom made you for this year. - Wow! It fits perfectly! And it's tasteful. - I think I'll call to check on her. I'm worried too.
ga121228 -- Who knows what the future holds? - Me! - DONK! I do!
ga121229 -- I got Greta the bodybuilder to pet-sit you guys again on new year's eve! - YAAAAAAHHH! - ...you remember Greta, don't you?
ga121230 -- Let's see what I have... - How about the purple... No. - Or the plaid... No. - Or the puce... No. Or the striped... No. Or the vrushed velvet... NO. - Geez, Liz, all that leaves are my lederhosen and a gunnysack! - ...what is WHAT like? -
ga121230 -- It's brown and itchy. I'll go cut some holes in it.
ga121231 -- Tonight we will all ring in new year with vigorous cardio workout! thump thump - bip bip beep boop boop boop boop bip - I'll get you for this. Hello? ...hello?
ga130101 -- Garfield, I'm taking the personal-hygiene pledge. - I promise to brush my teeth every day. - Even if I'm not going anywhere. This is a cult, right?
ga130102 -- We should simplify our lives. - Z - Z I should simplify my life.
ga130103 -- - I wonder, Garfield... - Will anyone remember me when I'm gone? You're still here?
ga130104 -- Jon, I have made a big decision. - I've decided to retire. - Go away. I need a villa.
ga130105 -- Hi, Garfield! - Hey, as long as I'm here... - Let's check for parasites! Who let the vet in?
ga130106 -- - sip - Hmmmmm - slurk - This hot chocolate needs something. - snap! - Much better.
ga130107 -- We should travel and see the world. Okay... - How about this?... - We walk to the window and look out.
ga130108 -- Okay, Odie, when I give the signal, you distract Jon. I'll grab his food, and we'll meet back here to split the booty. Got it? - - Okay, you stand here and slobber.  I'll order a pizza.
ga130109 -- May I borrow the steak sauce? - I thought you weren't a fan of steak sauce. - I'm not. Odie's chewing up your slippers.
ga130110 -- Hey, nice suit! See, Garfield? - I really like it. I DO have good taste. - C'mon, make it light up! We should go shopping now.
ga130111 -- Liz, could you be getting more beautiful every day? - How sweet of you to say that! But I don't think so. - Yeah, you're probably right. Run, Jon! Run!
ga130112 -- I'm not really sleepy. - Z - But I AM a professional cat.
ga130113 -- - - pat pat pat  pat pat pat - DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG - -
ga130114 -- Today I'm going to go with the flow. - Come on, world! Whatever happens, happens! - That is, if you can find me.
ga130015 -- What a glorious day! - Fabulous? Nice? - At any rate, nothing's on fire. You got that right.
ga130116 -- - SIGN - That seemed unnecessary.
ga130117 -- Milk... - Some people read expiration dates. - And some don't.
ga130118 -- Tell me about your feelings, Jon. My what? - Feelings. Um... - So I pretended to faint. That's a conversation stopper.
ga130119 -- How do I smell, Garfield? - I put on a whole bottle of pine-scented cologne! - sniff sniff sniff sniff This won't end well.
ga130120 -- ZIP - Garfield, they say as you age, life speeds up. - Whoa, look! I'm over here already! - Now I'm in the kitchen! - Now I'm BAK! - NOW I'M IN THE BACKYARD!!! - click
ga130121 -- I bought new curtains, Garfield. - They're for people with pets. - Pre-shredded. Well, that just saps all the joy out of life.
ga130122 -- Garfield, I lost my phone! - I feel so isolated... - And I like it! This must have been how cavemen felt.
ga130123 -- Nothing to eat around here except dog biscuits. - Oh, well, things could be worse, I guess... - LIKE NO MILK!
ga130124 -- Isn't this better than watching TV in a stuffy room? - This is reality! - Ummm...so it's like a documentary? It's called "outside"!
ga130125 -- When I was in school, I once annoyed an old gypsy woman. - She put a curse on me. - She said I would never get a date to the prom. What a waste of a perfectly good curse.
ga130126 -- Garfield, you would look adorable with some ribbon in your hair. Excuse mse. . OW! - What was that? I clawed Jon.
ga130127 -- - Garfield! Odie! Liz and I would like to be ALONE. - Outside! Shoo! - SLAM! - -
ga130128 -- I can't make up my mind. - Should I do nothing? - Or start to do something and then quit?
ga130129 -- How can I go on like this? - We're having pizza for dinner. - THAT'S how!
ga130130 -- ZIP - I'm a turtle. - ZIP But not a very good one.
ga130131 -- - Meow - I'm taking the day off.
ga130201 -- Liz canceled our date. - And I'd already made dinner reservations. - Forget it! I'll pretty up.
ga130202 -- I have built a perfect scale model replica of the parthenon. - It took days... - ...probably shouldn't have made it out of chocolate.
ga130203 -- And now back to our game. - Okay, Larry, here's your bonus-round question... - Can you identify this sound? - *PWOINK* - Huh - BOY, that sounds familiar. - PWOINK
ga130204 -- I tell you all my troubles, Garfield... - And the problem is that you can't interact. Not so, Jon. - The problem is that I don't care.
ga130205 -- - - My gums hurt. FINALLY! SOME EXCITEMENT!!!
ga130206 -- Yes, I need to see the dentist. - Jon Arbuckle. - Yes, "the screamer". Dear Blog:
ga130207 -- - - Teeth whitener. You're burning my retinas.
ga130208 -- Hey there, beautiful. - What?!...oh, I'm sorry. - Wrong number. That was Bob the Butcher. Way to ruin our bacon connection!
ga130209 -- I want to set a good example. - BURP! - So everyone please lower your standards.
ga130210 -- * beedle beedle beedle - Jon, how about going out for dinner tonight? Liz - Sure! Sounds great! tic tic tic itc - Let's go to that Italian place. They have the BEST lasagna. - Good choice! - Ho, Jon! It's me! - Did I leave my phone here?
ga130210 -- ...and huge doggie bags! Uh-oh.
ga130211 -- Liz makes my heart pound. - And makes me sweaty and weak in the knees. - I think it's love. Or malaria.
ga130212 -- Know what you should never do? - Stuff popcorn in your ears. Good advice. - Huh?
ga130213 -- Sometimes I wonder if anyone knows I'm alive. - I mean, do I really exist? - Did you hear something, Garfield? She's good for him.
ga130214 -- I love being with you, Liz. Why, thank you. - I'm so happy. Me too. - Would it be inappropriate to break into song? Yes.
ga130215 -- Jon and I went out tonight, Garfield. - - He danced. Sorry you had to see that.
ga130216 -- I was thinking about us, Jon. - Wondering what the future holds. Yeah! - Maybe we'll have ice cream! Can I get in on this?!
ga130217 -- - It's too bad that we don't have a butler. - He could answer the door. - He could serve us our meals. - He could call us "Sir". - But it'll never happen. - Right, Garfield? That's "sir" to you.
ga130218 -- Z - Z - I shaved my eyebrows! I hate mondays.
ga130219 -- You look a little down, Garfield. - Maybe it's time foooor... - OOO! EEE! OOO! EEE! OOO! EEE! Yes, folks, the happy monkey dance.
ga130220 -- I can't wait till friday. I have a date with Liz! - - Is it friday yet?! Where did I put the tranquilizer darts?
ga130221 -- What a great morning, Garfield. - I feel like I can conquer the world! - I rule! Said the man in the Happy Pony pajamas.
ga130222 -- Know what I like about you, Jon? - My exceptional flossing? - The way I can cross just one eye? You're different.
ga130223 -- Here, Odie, you forgot your suitcase. - - You also forgot to leave.
ga130224 -- - Would you like a donut, Liz? I'd LOVE one. - But I really shouldn't. - So you WOULD like a donut? Absolutely. - But you don't WANT one? No! No, no, NO! - - Women. They're a mystery.
ga130225 -- Gonna sneeze. - WAH-CHOO! - Good one.
ga130226 -- In the future, cats will ruke the world. - - Still.
ga130227 -- "Dear ask a dog..." - "How come you're so slow?" - Signed, "Squirrel in the backyard". YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP!
ga130228 -- Great news, Garfield! - I'm writing a polka opera! - Not enough cotton in the world!
ga130301 -- Liz thinks I'm sweet. - Of course she does. - It's because he's as bright as a powdered donut.
ga130302 -- Cats know life. - - That's why we avoid it.
ga130303 -- - Liz, I think Garfield has a little cabin fever. - I think we all get that this time of year, Jon. - Besides, how bad could it be? - AAAAAAAAGGG - GGGGGHHHHHH - Wanna come over? Sure, how does june sound?
ga130304 -- I'm so happy! - I have a girlfriend, a faithful dog, and a... - Now I'm depressed. Maybe fixing lunch for your cat will cheer you up.
ga130305 -- - - Did you have your dinner? I'm considering it.
ga130306 -- Why do I do this, you ask? BOOT! - GLRRD - I'm a fan of funny noises.
ga130307 -- There goes Mrs. Feeny with her poor cat on a leash. - Is there anything sadder? - Except maybe the matching outfits!
ga130308 -- Who wants a cat treat? - Garfield? - How about you? Ask Jon.
ga130309 -- I have sophisticated tastes. - GULP - That was food.
ga130310 -- Ahhh... - It's sunday, Garfield! Today I'm not going to do ANYthing...just like you. - * RIIMNG - Hi, Jon, it's Liz. - Hi, Liz! - Want to do something today? Sure! I'll be right over! - SLAP! Rookie.
ga130311 -- I believe in making plans. - Lots and lots of plans. - Shouldn't you be doing something? Can't you see I'm busy?
ga130312 -- RRRRR - You're wearing booties. - My toesies are cold. I can't let you bark at me today.
ga130313 -- I'm reevaluating things, Garfield. - What's really important? Okay... - Is it my rugged good looks? Or your vivid imagination?
ga130314 -- Good morning, Garfield. - You were sleepwalking last night. - Doinf ballet moves. Must have been the swan I ate.
ga130315 -- I wrote a love song for Liz. - It's called "I'll stay with you forever... - ...even if you try to lose me in a shopping mall". Based on a true story.
ga130316 -- "Nothing ventured... - no effort expended". - Cat wisdom.
ga130317 -- Sigh - - SIIIIIGH - There, there, Garfield... - I know you miss it...we all do. - Just hang in there, pal. It'll be back again before you know it! - Spring? The ice cream truck.
ga130318 -- A cat can have fun with just a piec of string. - - Not this piece of string, however.
ga130319 -- Odie's burying his bone. I have a bad feeling. - Wait, I didn't give him a bone. A really bad feeling. - And where's the remote? A really, REALLY bad feeling.
ga130320 -- Look at the pretty spring flowers, Garfield. - They whisper happy thoughts to us. - Spring is disturbing.
ga130321 -- It's a sunny day. - No wind, perfect temperature... - Why the long face? There is nothing to complain about.
ga130322 -- Big date with Liz tonight! - And in case there's a lull in conversation... - Puppets! That should raise the creepy factor.
ga130323 -- Gee hee hee hee hee - GOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! GAA! BWAH! HAW! HAW! HAW! - You are watching the Laughing Baby Channel. This always cheers me up.
ga130324 -- - SLURK! SLURK! SLURRRRK! - SLUUUUUUUUUUU - UUUUUUUUUUUUU - UUURRRRRRRRRRR - RRRRRRKKK - OKAY! OKAY! I'LL BUY MORE LEMONADE!! And another bendy straw. This one is all slurked out.
ga130325 -- Z - Z - I gave myself a wedgie getting dressed this morning. I hate mondays.
ga130326 -- The garden is a success! - I think I'll call him "Ed". - OR not. He didn't mean it, "Loretta".
ga130327 -- Odie is a nice dog. - He licks my face. - You never lick my face. I hardly know you.
ga130328 -- Don't mess with me, cat. I brought a bodyguard with me today. - Say hello to Bernie. - Bernie? Yo.
ga130329 -- Liz, I feel like doing manly things today. - Like eating junk food and watching sports! - We're going shopping. Manly shopping, no doubt.
ga130330 -- Sir? - Sir?! - YES! YES! I'LL HAVE FRIES! Oh, the pressure.
ga130331 -- munch munch munch - Welcome back to "When Wildlife Snaps!" - Here we see a hungry bear approaching a camper... - Who forgot to keep his food in a high, safe place. munch munch - RAAWRRR! AIYEE! - - munch munch munch
ga130401 -- - STEP JUST A LITTLE CLOSER - That can't be anything good.
ga130402 -- "If space aliens were to invade earth, they could take the form of animals." - - Have you come in peace? Take me to your refrigerator.
ga130403 -- You cats are spooky, Garfield. - Some say you can read minds. - Well, not with my brain-wave blocking helmet, buddy boy! Now for my escape...
ga130404 -- Why dogs bury bones is a mystery. - - Why they dig them back up is an even bigger mystery.
ga130405 -- The computer is a wonderful thing. - For instance... - If I turn it off, I can see an excellent refelction of myself.
ga130406 -- I never made it to my date with Liz. - The wind was against me. - Liz is one lucky woman.
ga130407 -- WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! - HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE - "Finicky Eating Habits of the Cat" - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! pound pound pound
ga130408 -- - - Cat push-ups.
ga130409 -- Garfield, it's time. - Time to clean the kitchen. - The cockroaches are wearing party hats. Lot of birthdays today.
ga130410 -- BARK! - Whoa. That was perfect! One bark? One lousy bark?! - No way to improve on that one... You're going to take a nap, aren't you?
ga130411 -- A great meal...a nap...can life get better? - BURP! - Okay...NOW can life get better?
ga130412 -- Liz and I are leaving, Garfield. - Garfield? - That's strange. I can't lift the picnic basket. Oh, Jon...
ga130413 -- Madam Gortez Fortune-Telling? - Can you tell me what my future holds? - Z Hey, wake up! She's good.
ga130414 -- tappity tappity tappity tappity - tappity tappity tappity tappity - tappity tappity tappity tappity - tappity tappity tappity tappity - tappity tappity tappity tappity - tappity tappity tappity tappity - I gotta stop drinking coffee after
ga130414 -- dinner!
ga130415 -- I should get up. - Will I? Won't I? - Savor the suspense, people.
ga130416 -- Learning is its own reward. - Seriously? - I found a dollar in a book once. Ah.
ga130417 -- Fetch the stick, Odie. - CLONK! OW! - Fetch the blame, Odie.
ga130418 -- I made toast. Do you want a slice? Sure. - Butter? Sure. - There's that weird face again.
ga130419 -- You seem down, Liz. - I'll bet I can make you smile. - I could fall off the roof! Again? Seen it.
ga130420 -- Liz and I dined by candlelight. - We gazed into each other's eyes. - Then my tie burst into flames. I knew you wouldn't disappoint me.
ga130421 -- - - - - - HELLO, MISTER SPRINGTIME!! - ...and he's ALL yours!
ga130422 -- The world does not revolve around you. - You got that right, pal. - Because I told the world not to!
ga130423 -- No one ever listens to me. - Hello?! - They hung up... Self-esteem hotline.
ga130424 -- I've almost got you, cat! - Mailman! - Thank goodness for short attention spans. SQUIRREL!
ga130425 -- COUGH! COUGH! - Garfield! I was choking on a peanut, and you just sat there! - We have peanuts?!
ga130426 -- Who's going to say it first? - Okay, I declare a tie! - You BOTH love me!
ga130427 -- Good morning, Mister Butterfly... - THOT! - Good morning, Mister Truck.
ga130428 -- - - - - KONK -
ga130429 -- I was feeling blue. - But Jon fixed that. - Now I'm creeped out.
ga130430 -- Here's a letter from a man whose best friend is actually a cat! - He likes stamp collecting and plaid. - Tell me you didn't sign it. Look, he even signed his name!
ga130501 -- - BOO! - Oh, real funny! Beware Of Do..---...
ga130502 -- Jon's trying his hand at gardening. - AIEEE! - LADYBUGS! - You knew the risks, man!
ga130503 -- I went shopping, Liz. - And I bought you a hat! Don't look at me... - IT's the Exctinct Species Collection! I dodn't make you date him, lady!
ga130504 -- Cats are natural hunters. - Lying in tall grass, waiting for prey... - ...tying to stay awake.
ga130505 -- - WARNING: - BEWARE OF DOG - WHO THINKS HE'S A LAPDOG - - WHOOMP -
ga130506 -- Not a good morning, Garfield. - I tied my shoelaces together! - Now I have to take tiny steps! You're going to have to start paying me to live here.
ga130507 -- How would I describe Jon? - A daydreamer...kind..gentle... - ...loves gum.
ga130508 -- BEWARE OF THE DOG - TAKE ONE - BARK!
ga130509 -- ...so he says, "that was no aardvark, that was my wife!" - boo! boo! boo! boo! boo! boo! boo! boo! boo! boo! - Even the crickets are booing.
ga130510 -- Garfield, I feel refreshed! - I feel alive! - HOOOW ARE YOOOU? HUUUH? New mouthwash.
ga130511 -- First message...Jon, this is Liz. - I'm relly looking forward to our date. - Oh, yeah, and leave the accordio at home. Rats! She's good.
ga130512 -- - I found this in the back of the refrigerator. I wonder if it's any good. - Here, Odie. Try some. - MMMMMMMMMM - mmmmmmmmmmmmmm - - Never use a dog as taste tester.
ga130513 -- Garfield, it's a beautiful day! - I'm putting you outside! - You can scamper about! Perhaps he's forgotten that cats have retractable claws?
ga130514 -- vroom! - vroom! - You aren't fooling anybody!
ga130515 -- Nope - Not here either. - Where is that stupid mower?! I found the paperboy.
ga130516 -- Bark! - That's it? ONE bark? - Yeah, but it was perfection. Hey, but I know lazy when I see it.
ga130517 -- Did you notice someone cleaned your kitchen? - Well?! - Elves DO exist!! Quick, Jon! To the escape pod!
ga130518 -- So, Liz, I'm thinking about laminating my stamp collection. - What do you think? - I thibk she hung up. LIKE AN HOUR AGO!
ga130519 -- - - - - - - xoplbrqzdafelknmcsjg
ga130520 -- The world would be a better place if spiders were in charge. - SMACK! - For starters, THERE WOULD BE LESS OF THIS!
ga130521 -- Say, if you're done with the paper... - I'd like to read the comics. - That was too obvious, wasn't it? Nice try, though.
ga130522 -- Got some news for you, cat. - You HAVE to be nice to us now... - We have a hostage! FIENDS!
ga130523 -- (burp) Ah, what a great meal. - You, had a big ol' juicy fly. - Love those body fluids. Hey! I'm eating here!
ga130524 -- COOKIES - Chocolate chip - A good scout is invaluable. On to the candy bowl.
ga130525 -- * - Don't you vets take some kind of OATH?!!
ga130526 -- COOKIES - - WOOP WOOP  - - - WOOP WOOP - We're having some trust issues.
ga130527 -- Life is full of regrets, Garfield. How true. - Do you have any regrets? Yes, I do. - Maybe stealing food? Kicking Odie off the table? Squashing spiders? I never learned to type.
ga130528 -- I've invented the pie-cake-pie! - - Mmm. Not bad, although it's not quite as good as the cake-pie-cake!
ga130529 -- Oh, YUCK! - There's a tooth in my soup! - WE FOUND IT, SMILEY! I love happy endings.
ga130530 -- I have no energy, Garfield. - Maybe I should work out... - Or take a nap. Come to the dark side, Jon.
ga130531 -- You're easy to talk to, Liz. - I could talk to you for hours. - click Hello? It's not nice to threaten people, Jon.
ga130601 -- I was trapped! - I couldn't breathe! - Finally I was able to break free! That dental floss should have a warning label.
ga130602 -- Z - Z** - - - Garfield, do you have to be so annoying? - Yes. I refer you to page 137 of the Standard Cat Owner Agreement.
ga130603 -- Jon is down in the dumps. - And I know just what to do about that. - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
ga130604 -- Finally, the house is clean. - - Ah, the circle of life.
ga130605 -- sniff sniff - That's odd. - Odie's breath smells good. Chasing your toothpaste with your cologne will do that.
ga130606 -- I'm back from the pet store. Do tell... - I bought you something fun! I'm giddy. - Fake dog ears! This is why good cats go bad.
ga130607 -- I love a man who can make me laugh, Jon. - Yes, I do have a sense of humor. - I'm talking about your wardrobe.
ga130608 -- I have no emails or messages. Gee. - This can only mean one thing... You have no friends? - Alien abductions? Take him! Take him!
ga130609 -- - - - - - - Pizza's here! 'bout time!
ga130610 -- It's a beautiful day! - - But the plot is weak.
ga130611 -- My Uncle Forrest would say, "you can't know someone.. - until you've walked a mile in their shoes". - He had three hundred pairs when they caught him. That's about a seven on the creepy scale.
ga130612 -- Here's a picture of you as a kitten, Garfield. - You were so cute. I hate cute. - But for me I'll make an exception.
ga130613 -- Hello. I'm the age nightmare scheduled for this evening. - I think you want the guy in the bedroom down the hall. Thank you very much. - Pretty polite, for a bald spot. GAAAH
ga130614 -- Age nightmare? Oh, yeah. - You're a 45 R.P.M. record...I remember you. Precisely! - BWAAHHH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAHHHH!
ga130615 -- My age nightmare is a sieve? That's right! - I'm your....um...your....uh...........your....wait, don't tell me.... - My memory? Yeah! Yeah! That's it!
ga130616 -- - Welcome to your age nightmare, birthday boy! - Readig glasses? Why are you scary? Because when you need me... - You'll never remember where you PUT me! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAH! - Sorry, still not scary. Oh, no? Just wait, it gets worse! - -
ga130616 -- Who are you? I'm the CHAIN that holds him around your NECK. BWAH-HA-HAAAAAA!
ga130617 -- Nothing can stop me today! - - Except for that forgetting-what-I-was-going-to-do thing...
ga130618 -- Jon got me gift. - - He doesn't know it yet.
ga130619 -- You must be my birthday nightmare. That's right. - Why only one candle? Doctor's order. - Last year I pulled a hamstring.
ga130620 -- - - I got a new, extra-long chain. You don't say.
ga130621 -- I can't wait to see you, Liz. - I can't kiss you over the phone. - Oh, okay...smoochie, smoochie. Wire cutters...I need wire cutters.
ga130622 -- Is lying there all you can do? - BURP! - You disgust me. I can wiggle my toes, too.
ga130623 -- ENTER ----> - Okay, let's see... - oooooooooooo - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - EEEEEEEE - EEEEEEEE THUNK! - I am NEVER taking you to a warehouse club again! I love you, barrel of cheeseballs! kiss kiss kiss
ga130624 -- You know, Garfield... - I've made a few mistakes in my aardvark. - I mean "life". NOooooo...
ga130625 -- - BURP - Better go fill up again.
ga130626 -- Beware of the vicious big honking dog! - And the eight gazillion-volt electric fence! And the tyrannosaurus rex! - You should be ashamed! You weren't supposed to get this far.
ga130627 -- - - Why don't you just let go? Having a cape doesn't mean I can fly!
ga130628 -- Liz enjoys my company. - I can understand that... - Some people enjoy broccoli, too!
ga130629 -- The monster! It's alive! - - And he enjoys gardening. - Monsters shouldn't wear sun bonnets.
ga130630 -- Hey, guys. Hey, Irma. - SURPRISE! - It's customer appreciation day! - You get a "we finally passed our health inspection" balloon... - An "I heart mystery meat" T-Shirt... - And something really special... - An all-day antacid! I'm gett ing
ga130630 -- all misty...
ga130701 -- There are jungle cats and house cats. - One thing separates the two. - Scented kitty litter. Jungle cats are barbarians.
ga130702 -- Cats love milk, Garfield. We do? - Lap it up! Any cereal to go with this? - You're not lapping. Or some sugar, corn starch, cocoa powder, salt, and egg yolks and we can make chocolate pudding.
ga130703 -- I don't feel like cooking, Garfield. - I'll just open a can or something. - "Critter parts". Any port in a storm.
ga130704 -- Big date with Liz tonight. - I'm wearing my special tie. - Pull this and it explodes! Allow me.
ga130705 -- Every morning I wake up and think... - "Today is a new and exciting day!" - Than I see you. They don't call me "Mr. Reality" for nothing, pal.
ga130706 -- MINE! Poor Jon... - I GOT IT! I GOT IT! Will he ever learn? - YEEOOWW! "Catch the pineapple".
ga130707 -- SMACK! - SMACK! - WHACK! - WHOP! - SWAT! - SPLAT! - Six flies, three spiders, one gnat, two grasshoppers, four moths and an earwig! - Burgers are done! Oh, no thanks!
ga130708 -- Sometimes things just don't get right for me. - There's a word for that... - "Life".
ga130709 -- That's new. - There was a sign here last week... - "Beware of falling rocks".
ga130710 -- Garfield, I am calling you... - I am the lasagna. - NOT! Meat loaf is cruel.
ga130711 -- I have deep thoughts, Garfield. - I should write them down. - Where are my crayons? Next to your army guys.
ga130712 -- Garfield hid my car keys. - But, HA! I found them! - Uh, Garfield? Where is the car? The game is afoot!
ga130713 -- If you wait patiently... - - Complete boredom will arrive.
ga130714 -- - Come on...come on... - I'll be late for my date with Liz! - HONK! HONK! HONK! - THANKS FOR DRIVING SO LOW, YOU MOUTH-BREATHING, KNUCKLE-DRAGGING, PEA-BRAINED IDIOT! YOU... - ...ooo - You say this is the lates fashion trend? It's called
ga130714 -- "Knuckle-Dragger Chic".
ga130715 -- - Gah. Urf. - And so the day begins.
ga130716 -- I've fallen in the old well! - If only there were a CAT who could save me! - Timmy must have landed on his head.
ga130717 -- Jon says he has a major announcement. - Like I care... - I've gone electric! Okay, I care a little.
ga130718 -- Help! Help! I'm stuck in a tree! - Help! Help! I'm going to fall! - I like to warm up before I get started.
ga130719 -- Garfield likes it when you come over, Liz. - How can you tell? - He's awake. Yeah, we should erect a statue in her honor.
ga130720 -- - - Why is everything wrinkled? It's called "The Odie Effect".
ga130721 -- Sigh... - I remember our family trips. - There's cousin Earl. - He was accidentally left at a rest stop. - He was missing for years. - As it turned out, he was adopted by a pack of wolves. - We got a postcard. "I have acquired a taste for
ga130721 -- small game."
ga130722 -- Garfield, I found Pooky! - Whoa! What's happening?! - Those latent urges die hard.
ga130723 -- My invention will benefit the world... - Lifting the yoke of oppression from pet owners everywhere! - The portable litter box! Vengeance will be mine.
ga130724 -- ODIE! Her, Odie! Her, boy! ODIE! - WHY IS He IGNORING ME?! -
ga130725 -- Can this day get any better? - Ants have eaten all of your tofu. - Well, yes it can!
ga130726 -- Liz and I have become very close. - We share our deepest secrets. - Should I tell her about my limited fashoin sense? I think she knows.
ga130727 -- - YOU PUT MY GOLDFISH IN MY SHOE! - It's his birthday.
ga130728 -- Huh... - This article says that you can learn a lot from your cat. - You should try it. - - GULP! CHOMP! SNARF! - BURRRP - Z I have taught him well.
ga130729 -- A kid stopped me today. - He asked if I was old. - I tied his shoelaces together. You have some good years left, my friend.
ga130730 -- beep - I just got a text! - "I have an itch". My right ear.
ga130731 -- Cats know things. - For instance, I can tell that Odie's been digging. - It's like I'm psychic!
ga130801 -- Pudding for everybody! - Steaks on the house! A round of drinks for everyone! - Well?
ga130802 -- I love romance. - I love fudge. - You are a piece of work. Okay, your turn.
ga130803 -- Jon, you should plan for the future. - I made you a list of goals. - I don't see cowboy on here. That explains the hitching post out back.
ga130804 -- - I bet if I pull my big-eyes routine on Liz, I can get a snack out of her. - - - - - She's good.
ga130805 -- - Fascinating! - I must be doing this wrong.
ga130806 -- Today we sent a cat into space. - This served no scientific purpose... - But there's one less cat on the planet! This does not bode well...
ga130807 -- Let the workout begin! - I bought a set of weights. - Arrrgh! I can't get them out of the car! Let the workout end!
ga130808 -- Jon is having thoughts. - Deep thoughts. - Do birds have fingers? Deep, disturbing thoughts.
ga130809 -- I wish Liz were here. - - And you weren't. FOR ONCE, WE AGREE!
ga130810 -- I know that accusing look. - This can't be good. - Forty-three goldfish?!! He found my diary!
ga130811 -- - - - - - - Garfieeeld... Oh, sure, blame the coach...uh, I mean cat.
ga130812 -- Garfield, you'll never believe... What's that?! - Excude me, I'm needed in surgery! - I an NOT boring!
ga130813 -- Hello? Hello? - Hello? - At least once a week, Jon tries to make a phone call with the TV remote. Hello?
ga130814 -- Here comes the ice cream man. - Just in time. - Bill Brick wants a fudge bar.
ga130815 -- Garfield, Garfield, Garfield... That's my name. Don't wear it out. - Have you no control?! Give me a subject. - Did you enjoy the wax fruit?! Chewy, tasteless, yet satisfying.
ga130816 -- Liz is here, Garfield. - She's helping me with my wardrobe. - Do you smell smoke? Free at last!
ga130817 -- - You're in my chair. - I'm sitting in cat hair! Let the punishment fit the crime!
ga130818 -- Ahhhhh - - - Oh, all right! You can come in, too! - But just ONE pool toy! - -
ga130819 -- It's so hot outside, you sweat just standing still! - - Finally, an exercise program for YOU. Except for that sweating part.
ga130820 -- Jon isn't going to be happy. - Woo hoo! Woo hoo! - The mice have been frolicking in his stamp collection. I'm Bolivia!
ga130821 -- - - Grab the string, Garfield! Only if it opens a trapdoor.
ga130822 -- Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the... - Wait...before you even get started... - You're fat. Where's my brick?
ga130823 -- What are you thinking about, Garfield? - Why don't they make tuna-flavored ice cream? - Nothing romantic? You wouldn't LOVE that?!
ga130824 -- Liz is spending the week with her parents. - Jon was very supportive. - Then the car pulled away.
ga130825 -- - HUHHHHHHH - FUH FUH FUH FUH - FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH - FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH - CLAP -
ga130826 -- It's time for the *bee-dee-dee-dee-dee* cat weather report. - I'm not leaving the house, so the weather doesn't matter. - This has been the *bee-dee-dee-dee-dee* cat weather report.
ga130827 -- We should go for a drive, Garfield. - A drive in the country. - We can look at a cow! Medium or well done?
ga130828 -- Don't you wish you could do this? - WHACK! SPLAT! - Doesn't look safe. You got THAT right!
ga130829 -- I joined a book club, Garfield! Soon my brain will expand! - But then I won't be able to wear hats! - And then I can't be a cowboy!!! Step away from the book, Tex.
ga130830 -- MY ACCORDION IS MISSING! - Oh, my. How tragic. - Can you imagine anything more tragic than that, Garfield? No, nothing more tragic than that. Saaay...
ga130831 -- Jump back! Who is this guy?! - I'm a wild man! - Didn't comb his hair.
ga130901 -- Sigh... - I wish you coulfd talk, Garfield... - Then we could REALLY communicate. - We could have discussions, and share deep thoughts. - I wonder what wisdom you woul dimpart to me if you could talk right now...what would you say? - CLOP -
ga130901 -- Yeah, words are overrated. They just get in the way.
ga130902 -- I would appreciate a little respect. - - You're going to make fun of me when I leave the room, aren't you? Why wait?
ga130903 -- BURP! - Garfield, in the history of disgusting noises... - THAT is number one. I'd like to thank the academy.
ga130904 -- When I was young, Garfield... - My brother and I made our own excitement. - One toime we exchanged underwear. I believe that this qualifies as animal abuse.
ga130905 -- Mr. Arbuckle, here's my bill for cleaning your refrigerator. - Why so much? I lost two of my best men in there. No match for the meat loaf.
ga130906 -- Really, Liz, I love all animals. - - Even the fat, lazy, disgusting ones. I heard that.
ga130907 -- I feel like biting somebody! - Socks don't have teeth. - Then maybe I'll bunch up inside a shoe. That'll work.
ga130908 -- I have a business proposition for you... - I'll pay you five bones...and make it look like an accident. - Gotcha, where is he? Hey, Nermal! - Meet my big friend. - AWWWWWWWWWWWWW - You BEAST! How COULD you?! - What happened to you? I hate
ga130908 -- cute...
ga130909 -- STOP IT! HA! HA! HA! - HAW! HAW! HAW! STOP IT!! HEE HEE HEE! - Okay, I'm done tickling myself. Please pay the cable bill.
ga130910 -- Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity. - BONK! - Shortly before discovering the lawsuit!
ga130911 -- That was odd. - I was just hugged by a stranger. - It must be National Hug Day! Actually, it's National Check-Your-Wallet Day.
ga130912 -- Garfield, I'm setting a trap for the mice. - Three...two...one... - SNAP! YEOOW! Sound the allclear
ga130913 -- Clothes shopping is fun, isn't it, Garfield? - New pants brighten the day. - So cheer up. I hate my life.
ga130914 -- Liz and I are going dancing. - Oh, I forgot! - Cha-cha-cha! The woman's a saint.
ga130915 -- - ARF! ARF! ARF! What's wrong, boy? - ARF! ARF! ARF! Is it Timmy? Is he in the well? - Yes! That rotten kid is in the well! - AND I PUSHED HIM! REFUSED TO GIVE ME A NUM-NUM, WILL HE? I SHOWED HIM! I SHOWED EVERYONE! - MWA-HAHAHA! - Uh...I mean
ga130915 -- "arf"? Boy...you think you know someone...
ga130916 -- Garfield, let's take a moment to ponder life. - - My foot itches. I gues we're doing pondering.
ga130917 -- DANGER - BEWARE OF THE... - FINE PRINT! Okay, now I'm intimidated.
ga130918 -- Gee, what's this? An empty fish bowl? Feigned surprise. - Maybe they grew legs and ran away! Right into sarcasm. - You should stop eating my goldfish, Garfield! Now the crazy talk.
ga130919 -- Garfield, I'm missing out on life. - I don't have a witty circle of friends... - Who paint their bodies and head-butt each other... Too many sports commercials.
ga130920 -- What do you see in the future for us, Jon? - Dinner. - I mean after that. Dessert!
ga130921 -- Hip people don't follow trends, Garfield. - They create trends. - My shirt is tucked into my boxer shorts! I'm alerting the trend police.
ga130922 -- - slurp... - - BOOM! - What waa THAT?! - And where's Odie? - You mean the "Canine Cannonball"?
ga130923 -- I worry about the future, Garfield. - Life is so unpredictable. - What if I forget how to speak?! Don't try to cheer me up.
ga130924 -- Here's a picture form high school. - Look at the girls. - Remember when petticoats were in style? On what planet was that?
ga130925 -- Good evening, folks! - Tonight I would like to class up my act by singing opera. BOOO! - Or I could juggle puppies. YAY!
ga130926 -- I think it's time to clean the refrigerator. - Every time I open the door... - The music stops. I like the disco ball.
ga130927 -- Hi, Liz! - How'y my fuzzy wuzzy rubby bubby? - Okay, the nicknames need work. Rookie.
ga130928 -- There's a pea in my mashed potatoes! - Now the whole meal is ruined! - Sometimes it's too easy.
ga130929 -- - - - RAKE RAKE RAKE RAKE RAKE RAKE RAKE RAKE RAKE RAKE RAKE RAKE - There! - I wonder where Garfield is? BOOT!
ga130930 -- Just look at this world, Garfield. I'm... - It's NOT a small world. Not... - You just make it seem that way! Fat.
ga131001 -- I went to the doctor today. - He told me to lose a few pounds. - How about a little sympathy, here? I'm weeping on the inside.
ga131002 -- Okay, so we both got on a diet. - We'll encourage each other. - Any supportive thoughts? YEAH! LET'S EAT!
ga131003 -- Know what's good about dieting, Garfield? - You walk down the street... - And people yell "Hey there, slender person!" It must be some scret society!
ga131004 -- I bought a new scale, Garfield. - It doesn't need batteries. - It's solar powered! Hello, Fatso. I must blot out the sun.
ga131005 -- You've been on a diet for a week, Garfield. - And you've gained three pounds. - Care to explain? I ate the diet book.
ga131006 -- - Oh, I know that look, you're up to something, aren't you? - Either that, or you've already done it, and it's probably something HORRIBLE, too. - Something horrible and shocking that I'm likely to find by accident any MINUTE now! -
ga131006 -- YAAAAAAAH!! - That was fun... - I must get food stuck in my teeth more often.
ga131007 -- I could climb you. - And there's nothing you can do about it! - Unfortunately...
ga131008 -- Oh, look, the cat's stuck in a tree. Aw, poor kitty. - Let's peck his fingers. No! Let's tickle him! - Or grease the limb! Or saw it off! Shouldn't you be migrating?
ga131009 -- - poink - Quitter!
ga131010 -- Leaves... - Rake... - Cover the rake with the leaves.
ga131011 -- Liz, I lied about my past. - Actually, I've had thousands of girlfriends. - Okay, I'm still lying! And the hole gets deeper.
ga131012 -- Garfield, THIS is a scratching post. - You dig your claws in... - And go like this! If you don't want me to use your nail file, just say so.
ga131013 -- - I had a dream about us last night, Garfield. - We were having a picnic, eating sanwiches in a beautiful forest glen... - When suddenly, a huge bear jumped out and attacked us! - Than you sprang in to cation, fought him off with your bare
ga131013 -- paws, swept me into your arms, and accried me to safety! - Isn't that romantic? Yeah, but... - What kind of sanwiches were they?
ga131014 -- YAWN - I'm tired. - I stayed up too late last afternoon.
ga131015 -- - - You are not the pool. Look! Tiny lounge chairs!
ga131016 -- Dog Kisses $1.00 - - Towels $2.00
ga131017 -- Ah, family heirlooms. - As the eldest son... - I now wear the family hat. Do you know where that thing has been?
ga131018 -- I like Liz. - She's kind, considerate... - And has long fingernails.
ga131019 -- Welcome to "Teen Polka Party"! - ** ** * - There's no one on the set. Another generation lost.
ga131020 -- |||| - |||| - ||| - || - | - yawn - Time to recharge.
ga131021 -- It's a rainy monday morning. - However, I'm a cat and I don't have to get out of bed. - Don't hate me.
ga131022 -- It's been a tough day, Garfield. - But remember my motto... - "Ninjas never cry". Their cats, on the other hand...
ga131023 -- Odie is angry with me. - - Take my word for it.
ga131024 -- I'm feeling down, Pooky. Any words of encouragement? - No? - Pooky's just "there".
ga131025 -- Remember when we met, Liz? Yes. - Let's re-create that moment. - Hi, I'm Jon. You're standing on my foot.
ga131026 -- Gee, isn't this lovely. - A cat hair in my soup! - What could be worse?! My hairnet?
ga131027 -- I'm cute, and you're not. Is that so? - I can be just as cute as you, Nermal. - Oh, yeah? Prove it. Just watch me. - - AWWWWWWWWWWW - Poor dear, did you eat a sick mouse? - You were saying? Go choke on a rainbow.
ga131028 -- Give my creature LIFE! - ...GIVE MY CREATURE LIFE!!! - Monster movie? Man trying to wake a cat.
ga131029 -- Count Dracula, table for one? - Right this way, please... - Would you like to see a neck list? No, zenk you. He's a regular.
ga131030 -- - Arrrrr... - ROOOO! We should never have let Odie watch that werewolf movie.
ga131031 -- The vampire cat sleeps all day. - He also sleeps at night. Z - They're not really that dangerous.
ga131101 -- Do you believe in ghosts? - WHERE?! - I mean, no. No, I don't. Ask him about his 23 nightlights.
ga131102 -- The moon is full and hair is growing on my body! - Hair in my ears! Up my nose! - What's happening to me?! "Curse of the middle-aged man"...
ga131103 -- - - - - - - *
ga131104 -- It's cold, windy and raining outside. - - Outside is stupid.
ga131105 -- Modern technology is a wondrous thing. - I've forgotten how to turn the computer on! - But it will never replace good old-fashoined dumb.
ga131106 -- !FRA -!FRA !FRA !FRA !FRA !FRA - !FRA !FRA !FRA Odie, stop barking at the mirror.
ga131107 -- The mice wanted to go camping. - AIEEE!! - I said they could stay in Jon's slippers.
ga131108 -- Let's go do something, tonight. - Okay. - You'll have to stare off into space yourself. I'll manage.
ga131109 -- - You miss a lot of things. - A lot of things miss me.
ga131110 -- pssssht! - gluck gluck gluck gluck gluck gluck gluck gluck - BURRRRRRP - GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK - - BURRRRAAAAAP - Not everything is a contest, you know! . Said the
ga131110 -- loser.
ga131111 -- Garfield, let's make the most of this day. - Let's live it to the fullest. - Let's open the curtains! Jon! There's sunshine out there!
ga131112 -- I'll have a Happy Burger. - And the fat lady in the fur coat? - DONK
ga131113 -- HUNGRY CAT! - Oh, man, am I glad that he's... - THIRSTY DOG!
ga131114 -- Garfield, we're in a rut. - We need to spice things up. - I'm changing our name to Roscoe! Claw time.
ga131115 -- Some men look good in hats. - - I wonder what she meant by that. Some men would know.
ga131116 -- Garfield, let's see if we can communicate. - Concentrate and focus! - I'm sensing relaxation... Z
ga131117 -- *** - *** - * - You have three new messages. - First message: - squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak - I am ALWAYS losing that thing! GARFIELD! Found it.
ga131118 -- Pets are supposed to amuse, Garfield. That's an ugly rumor. - You do not amuse. - You'd better start. You want amusement? Get a monkey.
ga131119 -- Have you ever taken a good, hard look at yourself? - - I said... Hang on.
ga131120 -- Hi, I'm a plump little chipmunk! - Would you like to play? - I like to roll in mustard! Is this a sting operation?
ga131121 -- Here's a good saying, Garfield. - "Failure is not an optin". True that. - Around here it's a way of life.
ga131122 -- Liz, why do you love me? - I have my reasons. - My ninja skills? WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?!
ga131123 -- Jon's depressed. - He feels alone and scorned... - Nobody will jam with me. AND for good reason.
ga131124 -- growlll - I'm hungry. - Are you hungry? - Me? Hungry? - Wow, that's a toughie... - Yessiree, that's a real stumper, that is. - Gosh, let me think... Thank you, Captain Sarcasm.
ga131125 -- Good morning, Mr. Grumpy. - Nothing you can do can spoil my good mood today. - * DING! Is that the toaster? Your slippers are done.
ga131126 -- Yes, I have a cat. - Yes, he's big and orange. - Yes ,he's wearing a necklace made out of canary feathers! In some cultures this signifies a rite of passage.
ga131127 -- I'm back from the store, Garfield. - Let's see...I got milk...eggs...bread... - And a ninja outfit! And people wonder why the economy is bad.
ga131128 -- I remember family holidays. - Uncle Joe would do his magic act. - He made the fruitcake disappear. No great loss there.
ga131129 -- Jon, why are you staring at me? - I can't take my eyes of you, Liz. - Could you at least blink? That's the way I stare at strawberry shortcake.
ga131130 -- Garfield, you look depresse. - Pondering a life unfulfilled? Yes. - I've never eaten a pelican.
ga131201 -- Sigh... - You haven't played with me in a long time. - You USED to bat me around all day long...now you just IGNORE me! - Oh, please... Well, *I* know when I'm not wanted! - I'm going home to my mother! - ...mother? -
ga131302 -- My old school report card. - Let's ee what it says. - "Jon is a dull boy". And so the legend began.
ga131203 -- Doc Boy and I were crazy teenagers. - We used to drag race. - I painted flames on the tractor! Cool, yet pathetic.
ga131204 -- - WHIRRRRR - Enough with the hair dryer wars! Victory is mine!
ga131205 -- Garfield, we are prepared. - Ready for any disaster. - We have enough egg salad to last for years! I love disasters!
ga131206 -- My aunt Orpha used to say, "Christmas comes but once a year". - Then she'd say, "never get under the mistletoe with a molting chicken". - Then she'd play the spoons on her forehead. Aunt Orpha was a few walnuts shy of a fruitcake.
ga131207 -- "It was a stormy night..." - - There aren't any pictures. Is there a remote?
ga131208 -- - Garfield! Odie! Get in here! - We're taking our Christmas card photo... - And we want everyone in it! - - The pizza guy? He's like family.
ga131209 -- I got my Christmas tree, Liz. It's covered with sticky sap. - Good, that means it's freshly cut. Where did you put it? - Right now it's in the kitchen. Pass the cream, pine boy.
ga131210 -- - - Bring on the candy canes!
ga131211 -- Okay, I'll proofread your letter to Santa! - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - It's a little repetitious, isn't it? But it drives the point home, though. Don't you think?
ga131212 -- xvlpdiuangepwjkud<#zhdaiow;hefgbelr(jhlSdbbaceiu% - send How cute. He thinks he's writing a letter to Santa. - One squeaky bone!
ga131213 -- Your Christmas lights look great, Jon! Thanks! - And I only fell off the ladder TWICE this year! - Our little boy is growing up.
ga131214 -- * Fa-la-la-la-laaaaah, la-la-lah- - SMACK - I was TOLD there would be flies and cocoa!
ga131215 -- Garfield - - - shake shake shake shake - - No Peeking - Did you find my decoy? Well played, Arbuckle.
ga131216 -- Garfield, your letter to Santa is deplorable! - It's full of half-truths and outright lies! What?! - How'd a half-truth get in there?!
ga131217 -- Did you ask Santa to bring you anything, Jon? - Oh, YEAH! - We just got an e-mail from Jon's girlfriend. Cancel the leisure suit.
ga131218 -- ...you be good now, Sonny, and I'll remember what you asked for! Thanks, Spider Claus! - Ho! Ho! Ho! ...next! -
ga131219 -- All right, I've hidden your present again. - And THIS time I've... - STOP THAT! under the bed...how cliche.
ga131220 -- Why don't you hide Garfield's present on top of your exercise machine? He'd NEVER look there. - - The thing you hang your shirts on. Oh, THAT!
ga131221 -- Yes, mom, I guess you could say that Liz and I are serious. - How serious? - She makes me clean my house. Somebody book a chapel!
ga131222 -- - Dec. 18 ** * I - Dec. 19 ** * II - Dec. 20 ** * III - Dec. 21 ** * *IIII* - Dec. 22 ** * *|||||* - Hey, I LIKE that Christmas song!
ga131323 -- How's the farm, dad? The hog has bronchitis. Listen. - HOINK! HOINK! - I'm listening to a sick pig. That's no way to talk about family.
ga131224 -- - X - AAAAGGGHH slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp
ga131225 -- Merry Christmas, Jon! Merry Christmas, Odie! - Where's Garfield? Merry Christmas, me!
ga131226 -- Exercise is a great way to stay warm. - That's true... - This works, too.
ga131227 -- I think our dish should be done now...let's check the oven. - - 60-inch, high-definition lasagna. Towel, please.
ga131228 -- Winter is nice. - The snow...the crisp air... - My socks are wet. Let the whining season begin!
ga131229 -- - pat pat pat  pat pat pat - AWWWWWWW - AWWWWWWW - AWWWWWWW - Even my snowman is cuter than yours. It it not! - AWWWWWWW
ga131230 -- - Lovable pet coming through. - You forgot to purr. I'll mail it to you.
ga131231 -- There comes a time when you have to assess yourself... - I'm awesome! - I should have done that years ago.
ga140101 -- We all have our faults, Garfield. - However, some may have more faults than others. - Waaaay more. Is this leading to a compliment?
ga140102 -- What if the world explodes? - What if these are my final moments? - And I'm spending them with a cat?! If there were a button, I'd push it.
ga140103 -- You sure are good-looking. - Yes, I am! - Garfield... Psst, it would be wise to say something nice to Liz, as well.
ga140104 -- I like to avoid learning something new every day. - Here's something interesting. Whoa! - Whew! That was close!
ga140105 -- - Eat meeee. - eeeeat me. Sigh... - Jon, you've gotta help me. Eeeeat meeee. You're weakening, aren't you? - Look, we agreed this wouldn't be easy...we BOTH have to be strong. - Eeeeat meeee. - DONUT BARN The heck with the resolution.
ga140105 -- Garcon, another dozen.
ga140106 -- I burned the toast... - On purpose! - Another hostile monday morning.
ga140107 -- Did you see my list of ways to keep the house cleaner? - Yes, I did, Jon. - And I wiped my feet on it.
ga140108 -- Why do dogs dig holes? - A primal search for food? - Or stashing their comic book collections?
ga140109 -- WHEEE! - WHEEEE!! - Told you! I still say waxing the floor is no fun.
ga140110 -- Jon's listening to a recording. - I made it myself. - I call it "Claws on a Blackboard".
ga140111 -- I'm turning into a cat! - Wait. NO, I'm not. I'm just covered with your disgusting cat hair. - What a disappointment.
ga140112 -- - - Jon, look out the window... - - Sigh...isn't that romantic? - Z - Z
ga140113 -- Welcome to my world. Let me show you around. - - Come back soon.
ga140114 -- My high school chums. - Where are they now? - What are they doing now? Probably not showing photos to their cats.
ga140115 -- AROOOOOOO - All right! I'll fill your dish! - AROOOOOOO
ga140116 -- I'm filled with energy today! - Or, as I refer to it... - Beint too lazy to be lazy.
ga140117 -- Liz, I am a man of principle. - I live by one simple rule. - Never stick your tongue in a toaster. We live learn.
ga140118 -- When you eat healthy, you feel healthy. - I just ate a donut. - Which is WAAAAY better than feeling healthy.
ga140119 -- Hmmmmm - Here's a crazy theory, Garfield. - "Cats may be invaders from another planet". - I don't think so. - You're too lazy to make the trip. - And you'd never escape gravity. - Certainly not from the planet Fatso. Where is my disintegrator
ga140119 -- gun when I need it?
ga140120 -- I wonder how far I can walk... - - We may never know.
ga140121 -- - - No tummy rub! Then why do you exist?
ga140122 -- BEWARE OF DOG - - If you please. Thank you.
ga140123 -- Garfield, I feel unloved. - - Thanks. A teddy bear's work is never done.
ga140124 -- Liz and I are going clothes shopping. - When I get back... - I'll be hip! Sooo...how many years will you be gone?
ga140125 -- I am a mighty hunter. - I prey on the weak and defenseless. - Make me a cheeseburger!
ga140126 -- - - - - - - It's called a SELFIE, guys.
ga140127 -- There's never a dull moment around here. - - There are, however, dull years.
ga140128 -- LIPS! Here we go. - LIPS! Same thing every morning.. - I CAN't FEEL MY LIPS! Let the coffee cool, Jon.
ga140129 -- Some dogs work for a living. - SLAP! - Yes, there are dogs even dumber than you.
ga100130 -- Garfield, this is my life. - Cleaning up cat hair. - How sad is that? Now, about my litter box...
ga140131 -- Well, Liz, I think men are superior to women. - Well, for one, we're more mature. - Hey, leave my bunny slippers out of this! Wait till she meets Mr. Blankey.
ga140201 -- You are not a dweeb. - You are not a miserable failure. - You are not ugly. Self-esteem ringtones.
ga140202 -- OWWOOOOOO clap clap clap clap clap clap - OWOOOOOOOO clap clap clap clap clap clap - OOOWOOOOOOOOO clap clap clap clap clap - OOOOOOWOOOOOOOO clap clap clap clap - YOWR ROWR ROWR - - How was karaoke night? Tough room.
ga140203 -- Well, hello Mr. Personality! - Let the good times roll! Woo hoo! - You sure do light up a room! And I'm not even trying.
ga140204 -- Cats are mysterious... - Really mysterious... - What are you up to? Even I don't know.
ga140205 -- BARK! Too lound. - bark Too soft. - Are you ever happy? Too whiny.
ga140206 -- COUGH! GASP! - WHEEZE! HACK! - Okay, come in! Enough with the fresh air.
ga140207 -- I need only two things, Liz. - The love of a good woman... - And a meticulous sock drawer. Do you know him? No.
ga140208 -- That was my pet mule. - She had three legs, a glass eye, and one tooth. - I miss you, Aphrodite! I must have the movie rights.
ga140209 -- Sigh... - Every time I try to say something romantic to Liz, it comes out wrong. - Mybe I just need to practice. - You b eLiz, and I'll say something romantic to you. - Let's see. How about this?... - Your eyes are like deep pools of lumpy
ga140209 -- brown gravy. - Wow, I'm better than I thought! You had me at "gravy".
ga140210 -- I'm in a bad mood. - And there's only one thing to do when that happens. - Pass it on. Uh-oh.
ga140211 -- - Whoa! Apple pie! - I must check behind my back more often!
ga140212 -- Jon's contemplating his life. - The joys, the sorrows... - I'll never play the bagpipes. The roads not taken...
ga140213 -- Sigh. - - I take it Garfield isn't coming. "meow".
ga140214 -- A penny for your thoughts, Jon. - Are nose hairs connected to the brain? - A dollar if you never ask it again. Thank you.
ga140215 -- Garfield, I was wondering... - They say cats are clean animals... - What happened to you? I'm a rebel.
ga140216 -- Siiigh - Well, there's a blizzard outside... Don't say it. - We're snowe din... Don't say it. - The cable TV has gone out... Don't say it. - And we're out of hot chocolate. Don't say it. - What ELSE can go wrong? - You said it.
ga140217 -- It's time to put an end to... - - It's time to start something.
ga140218 -- I found my toolbox, Garfield! - A man without tools is no man at all! - Now, how does this open? Turn in your man card.
ga140219 -- I have tools, Garfield! - Men and tools built skyscrapers, you know... - Like with this thingy. Put it back before you hurt somebody.
ga140220 -- Oh, that's just great! - The mice are using the cat for a bed! - Should I make little blankets?! There is a chill. Ignore him.
ga140221 -- Jon's dealing with the mouse problem in a very unique way. - He's trying to adapt. - Today is the worst day of my life. Say cheese.
ga140222 -- GULP! - Poor thing, your dish is empty. - Timing is everything.
ga140223 -- - Let's make snow angels, Garfield! - C'mon! It'll be fun! - All you have to do is fall backward into the snow... - And then flap your arms to make the angel wings! - Watch me! - Coming up next, a local man is gored by his own lawn gnome.
ga140224 -- Here's what you are, Garfield. - "Sedentary". - It means you collect dust. Use it in a sentence.
ga140225 -- Okay, everybody, break it up! - Oh. It's just you, Garfield. - I am NOT fat!
ga140226 -- WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - snatch! - hee hee hee hee New driver's license photo.
ga140227 -- Sports have always been a big part of my life. - - Being bad at them, I mean. Ah.
ga140228 -- Garfield! - That popcorn was for everyone. - And "everyone" is my middle name, baby!
ga140301 -- I demand respect! - I respect you, Garfield. - I could have demanded a pizza! SMACK!
ga140302 -- click click click click - CLICK Rats...there's nothing good in. - - Hi, Arlene. Hi, Garfield. - - Let's talk about US. - CLICK
ga140303 -- Sorry, Garfield. - I'm too depressed to cook. - That doesn't help. What if I juggle mice?
ga140304 -- I should never have tried to make pizza from scratch! - Me pizza. Me want more pepperoni. - MWA-HA-HA! Too much yeast.
ga140305 -- BEWARE... - OF THE CONDESCENDING DOG - Okay, now I am about to bark at you. I hate him already.
ga140306 -- Why, hello, Garfield. - My, my, how disappointing... - I want the remote. No cheese, no remote.
ga140307 -- The forecast is cloudy and cold. - Sigh...it might snow...who knows?... - WHO CARES! It's been a long winter.
ga140308 -- - MORE CLOTHES-PINS!! - It's been a long winter.
ga140309 -- . Whoa! Look at THAT! - What in the world IS that, Garfield? - Hey, Liz! Cmere and LOOK at this! - What? In the sky...what IS that thing?! - - It's the SUN, Jon. It's been a long winter.
ga140310 -- We need some entertainment, Garfield. - Let's lip-synch the old opera records! - We'll need viking helmets! May you sit upon one.
ga140311 -- - Stop shedding! - Like cats have pause buttons.
ga140312 -- I haven't seen you lately. - I was asleep last month. - The whole month? Well, I did toss and turn a little around the twenty-third.
ga140313 -- * Oh, a spider's life for meeee... * - ** Catcha juicy fly... * - * Catch that fly, and suck it dry... * Review time.
ga140314 -- We're a little tired this morning, Liz. - All-night cartoon marathon. - She thinks we're nuts. The woman's priorities are obviously out of whack.
ga140315 -- Whoa... - What if you could see through your eyelids? - We'll return to "Deep, Dumb Thoughts" after this message.
ga140316 -- - It's getting to be that time of year, Garfield. - We really should do our spring cleaning. - - lick lick - eee-eee eee-eee eee-eee eee-eee - There. We're BACHELORS, baby.
ga140317 -- I have swept and vacuumed up all the cat hair in the house. - - Ah, the cycle of life!
ga140318 -- Man, I look good today! - Oh, wait... - I forgot to take the hanger out of my shirt. You're going to leave it in there, aren't you?
ga140319 -- ODIE - - Are you losing weight?
ga140320 -- - - Spring is here.
ga140321 -- The sun is shining, Garfield. - The air is fresh! - Not an inside day, pal. Are you implying movement?
ga140322 -- Someday, I'll be a mighty tree! - You're a flower. You bloom, and then you die. - I should've stayed in school.
ga140323 -- Yep, I think it is... - I think it's about this time, Garfield... - Time for my annual dance to spring! - UNNNGHH...UFFFFFFF...EERRRRRGHHHHH... - HEEP! HOOP! HUP! - GUUUUUHHHHH GUH! GUH! GUH! - Well, nuts. Face it, the daisy days are gone.
ga140324 -- You know, Garfield... - It would be shame if I were allergic to cat hair. Yeah. - I'd have to get rid of you.
ga140325 -- I'm going to be a butterfly. - And just how are you going to do that? Uh... - I know a guy.
ga140326 -- Hey there, buddy! - Have some pudding, ol' pal, ol' pal! - There's a pill in there, isn't there?
ga140327 -- Things are looking up. - - That's just how awful things have been lately.
ga140328 -- Liz, why do you go out with me? - - Well, this is an awkward pause. I'm gathering my thoughts.
ga140329 -- Garfield, I had a profound thought. - - Gone. Lock that door, please.
ga140330 -- - Odie, leave me alone! Go play with someone else! - - FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH FUH - SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEEEK SQUEEEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEEEK - GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG -
ga140331 -- I like living here. - We're laid-back. - No one's going to steal my brain! And somewhat insane.
ga140401 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - - Would you mind not listening to music while I'm barking at you? Huh?
ga140402 -- * Jon's whistling. - La lan La * Now he's singing. - Care to join me for a run? Now he's doing stand-up comedy.
ga140403 -- Mouse! - Kill it an eat it, Garfield! - Kill and eat! Sorry, I'm more of a thaw-and-microwave guy.
ga140404 -- What if Liz breaks up with me? - I can't handle rejection. - Ridicule and scorn, but not rejection. You also do loathing well.
ga140405 -- Welcome to "Healthy Kids". - Now another episode of... - "Billy, the happy intestine"! Billy creeps me out.
ga140406 -- Hmmmmm... - I'll have amedium popcorn, and a medium soda. - For an extra dollar, you can get both of those large, with free refills. - Wow! Really? ...I'll TAKE it! - What a deal, huh? - And for another dollar, you can have the bottomless
ga140406 -- nacho basket. SURE! - So, how was the movie?
ga140407 -- Garfield, I feel lazy. Yes, come to the dark side. - Maybe I need to exercise. No! No! Come back! - Or eat cookies and watch TV. Yes, come to me, my son.
ga140408 -- The ancients believed cats were good luck. - - They died out. Who's feeding the cats?!
ga140409 -- Before you eat me... - May I borrow a marker? Sure. - Okay, I'm ready. Hmmm. I didn't see that coming. IT WAS THE CAT
ga140410 -- Here we go... - MOMMY, LOOK! Wait for it... - IT'S A HAIRY HOG! ...and, it's biting time.
ga140411 -- Walking in the rain is so romantic. - Running through the sprinklers is fun, too. - That's not as romantic. Yeah, but there's less chance of a lightning strike. Score one for the paranoid.
ga140412 -- Life is going on out there... - And here I sit eating donuts and watching cartoons. - Reality is overrated.
ga140413 -- ** - * - This concludes our early movie, "Of Mice and Men". - Thank you for watching. - Now stay tuned for our late movie... - "The Fly". -
ga140414 -- Good morning! Bagel or toast? - Either way, I'm gonna burn it! - BWA-HA-HA-HAAAH! Technology hates me.
ga140415 -- I'm back, Garfield. - You haven't moved, have you? - Exactly what do you do when I'm gone? Oh, gee! You just missed the pony ride!
ga140416 -- Still sleeping with your teddy bear, I see. - That's kind of immature, you know... - Time to grow up. Thank you, Mr. Bunny Slippers.
ga140417 -- Spiderwebs are okay, but I'm thinking of getting my own apartment. - SMACK! - Or an envelope.
ga140418 -- My prom was traumatic. - I had to wear dad's tuxedo. - We couldn't find the pants. Nice kilt.
ga140419 -- I bought cat food, Garfield. Life is good. - It's a special formula for "lazy cats". Cool. - Pre-chewed. Life is VERY good.
ga140420 -- - Well, is THAT so?! - ...OH, YEAH?! - HA! - THAT'S WHAT *YOU* THINK!! - Most people don't argue with their pets. Why, thank you! - That wasn't a compliment, dimwit! SMACK!
ga140421 -- - Roll over. - I'm not doing this again. You want me to get flat on one side?
ga140422 -- You never respond to my barking. - What if I lie down and play dead? - Gee, I feel so dog-like! Wake me in an hour.
ga140423 -- Catch me, Jon! - - Didn't you used to be taller?
ga140424 -- Yup, years ago I offended an old gypsy woman. - She put a curse on me. - "Take this cat," she said! I'm sensing negativity here.
ga140425 -- I'm bored, Garfield. - Let's do something. - Wanna go to the airport and pretend we're going somewhere? Like to a place with life?
ga140426 -- Whipped cream? Just when it can't get any better. - PSSSS! - Darn! It does.
ga140427 -- - This is a great love story. - Are there car chases? - It's a love story. - Do they go over cliffs? - It's a LOVE story. Do the cars explode? - YES! THE WHOLE WORLD EXPLODES! Cool! Turn it up!
ga140428 -- Am I too late for fun? - - Too early?!
ga140429 -- I am a mighty oak! - You're a twig. - I am a mighty twig!
ga140430 -- The Pet Channel presents... - "The Cat's Pajamas"! - Here's Fluffy modeling a lovely ensemble. Oh, please. I never get nice things.
ga140501 -- Oh, Garfield... - Surprise! It's an apple pie! - I prefer surprises in pie form!
ga140502 -- Liz is coming over tonight. - Maybe I should tidy up. - Think she'll want a clean fork? Let's not get crazy, here...
ga140503 -- What do you think of these fangs, huh? - They could be whiter. - MMMM! And braking with your mouth closed is just humming.
ga140504 -- Z - One sleeping dog... Z - One can sneezing powder... Z - Apply sneezing powder to finger... Z - Apply finger to sleeping dog's nose, annnd... Z - CHOO - And that were dumb.
ga140505 -- I know what I want to do with the rest of my life. - - Yes, this is it. And no, I don't need an assistant.
ga140506 -- Today is going to be my lucky day! - WHAP! - Of course, it's early yet! Always the optimist...
ga140507 -- I might have a flaw or two. - I'm perfect. - Tell me more about your many weaknesses.
ga140508 -- I vacuumed today, Garfield... - And I discovered something. - The rug isn't green. So it's not evolving?
ga140509 -- Hi, sweetie. - You're so sweet. - It's Liz. I figured it was that or you were talking to a donut.
ga140510 -- I invited Sally to the prom. - I don't think she wanted to go wit hme. - She burned her gown on my front lawn. Subtle.
ga140511 -- Oh, come on! - You really liked that movie? Yes, I did. - You CAN'T be serious! Of COURSE I am! - ...men! - ...women! - ...dogs! -
ga140512 -- It says here that you should greet monday morning with a smile. - - Or not. How about a gut-wrenching scream of desperation?
ga140513 -- Good things come to those who wait. - - Of course there's something to be said for that instant gratification thing, too.
ga140514 -- Life is a mystery, Garfield. - So many questions. - Like, what day is this? You are so cosmic.
ga140515 -- Life is a reflecting pool, Garfield. - Where one can see one's true self. - I have cool hair. The water must be murky today.
ga140516 -- What's your favorite polka song, Liz? Uh... - I don't think I have one. - Too hard to choose, huh? Just nod your head and back away slowly.
ga140517 -- I'm writing my memoirs, Garfield. - Chapter two... - That's where I get kidnapped by aliens. I suspected as much...
ga140518 -- - Sigh... - I've got this long list of things to do, Garfield... - And all I REALLY want to do is take a long nap on the couch. - But how can I do that without feeling massive guilt?! - - Teache me your ways, o master. Come to the sloth side,
ga140518 -- young Arbuckle.
ga140519 -- I hate mornings. - I hate cheerful morning people. - And I hate the old rubber omelet gag.
ga140520 -- Jon's on the social network. - Here's his list of friends. - "Bob".
ga140521 -- - Where have you been? Eating lasagna. - Did you save me some? Hello, my name is Garfield. I don't believe we've met.
ga140522 -- Ah, my high school garuation. - I remember when they called my name. - "Ron Arbuckle". Thanks for sharing, Ron.
ga140523 -- I like having Liz around, Garfield. - She's very thoughtful - And she doesn't shred the curtains. Just wait.
ga140524 -- Here's a delicious burger that I'm leaving next to you. - I hope you don't eat it! - Why don't you just throw the tofu away?
ga140525 -- - click - I chewed my owner's slippers. - I'm too cute for words. - I steal cheese. - I'm a fat, lazy pig. - I posted a stupid picture of my cat.
ga140526 -- Monday... - TONK GOOSH - At least it's reliable.
ga140527 -- BURP! - tick tick tick tick - You don't have to text me EVERYTHING you do!
ga140528 -- I lent Odie a book. - - I gave Odie a book.
ga140529 -- We'll save you! - That isn't necessary! I'm fine, thank you! - Are you sure?! Never trust dogs with ladders.
ga140530 -- Garfield, what are you trying to tell me? - Is there danger? - Do NOT go to the beach!
ga140531 -- Tonight's horror movie... - "Claws of Death!" - Oh, look, Howard, a little kitten! Run, Howard, run.
ga140601 -- Z - Z - MMMPH! - - MMMMPH! - STOP IT! - I'll stop it when your face stops being warm.
ga140602 -- You have a choice of alarms this morning. - Do you prefer humorous or practical? Humorous. - Did you hear the one about the cat and the lawn mower? I hate mornings.
ga140603 -- I need a new hobby. Bottle cap collecting wasn't exciting enough for you? - Maybe I can take up bird watching! I can see the headline now... - Or identify different types of wood! "Local cat found bored to death near binoculars".
ga140604 -- BEWARE OF THE DOG - - You saw the sign, right? This is how I beware.
ga140605 -- - Garfield, where is my fish? - By now? Somewhere between the esophagus and the duodenum.
ga140606 -- All we have is noodles, so we're having noodles tonight, Garfield. - The forks are dirty, but we can use these pencils like chopsticks. - And the napkins are still in the laundry, so... Will you please get married!
ga140607 -- - - I like it better when we have mice.
ga140608 -- - Sigh... - Hey, Odie, I'm stuck. Can you help me out? - - - -
ga140609 -- I'm in charge around here. - - Nobody else wanted the job.
ga140610 -- Moss always grows on the north side of a tree. - Who cares? - Which side does the taffy grow on?
ga140611 -- Odie isn't going outside today. - The tough squirrels are out there. - Las time, they forced him to gather acorns.
ga140612 -- Someday I'll get what I deserve. - WAIT! - I want something WAY better than that.
ga140613 -- Another age nightmare? Yep. - You don't look very scary to me. Oh? - I'm the menu you can't read without the glasses you can't find. I stand corrected.
ga140614 -- You?---  You can't POSSIBLY be an age nightmare. Oh, but I am... - I'm that awful music that kids today listen to! Go away.
ga140615 -- - GUH! - GAH! GAH! UNGGGGHHH - GRUNT...GRUNT...EEEEERRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH - HUP! HUP! HOOP! - - Getting out of bed gets harder every year, doesn't it? Blow it out your box spring.
ga140616 -- You're tonight's age nightmare? Yupper-do. - But you're coffee. Coffe's not scary. Oh, no? - I'm decaf, with nonfat milk and artificial sweetener. YAAHH
ga140617 -- ...so you're my age nightmare tonight? What are you? - I'm fine print! BWAH-HA-HA-HAAAH! - mmmfff! mmmffff!
ga140618 -- Let me guess...tonight's age nightmare? That's me! - I'm the jar of pickles that you can't open any more! - And you? I'm the package of batteries you never COULD open.
ga140619 -- I don't fel like getting older. - Maybe if I change the year, I'll get younger on my birthday. - Garfield, have you seen my pacifier?
ga140620 -- I'm in the mood for romance. I'm in the mood for pancakes! - - ROMANTIC pancakes! Good save, Romeo.
ga140621 -- Xou know what would be fun? Letting your cat sleep? - We could lie on the front porch... And sleep? - And pretend that we're doormats! That say "beware of sleeping cat".
ga140622 -- Z - BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP click - - Here are your breakfast lawn gnomes, Garfield. - And here's your breakfast guitar. - I'm still asleep, aren't I? Ya think?
ga140623 -- I'm tired of the daily grind. - Oh, me, too. - You probably don't even know what that means. I'm tired of hearing about it.
ga140624 -- Another wildlife show. - Always the sam ething. I get a craving for antilope.
ga140625 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Hey! I'm not done yet! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! You didn't have to go back to the beginning.
ga140626 -- We insects have six legs. - You have eight legs. Technically, yes... - If you count the spares.
ga140627 -- Today I put hats on my feet and a shoe on my head. - - On purpose? I told you she'd ask!
ga140628 -- ding ding ** Ice cream man! - - How?--- Here's your wallet.
ga140629 -- - - Odie, I need for you to eat these left socks. - Guys, make these pens disappear. Aye, aye, sir. - Hold up, Squeak...this remote goes under the couch. Got it. - You think you can get these keys on top of the fridge? Sure thing, boss. - How
ga140629 -- can one person lose so much stuff?! My work here is done.
ga140630 -- There's a whole world out there, Garfield... - Just waiting to be experienced. - But that would require going outside. Always a catch!
ga140701 -- I helped an elderly lady across the street today. - I looked both ways before crossing, but I didn't look down... - There was this open manhole... Stop right there!
ga140702 -- dig dig dig dig - mmmmm  - YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! It's war.
ga140703 -- - M - I didn't have the energy for a whole "meow".
ga140704 -- We had a great time at the amusement park. - The hot dogs...the popcorn... - ...the roller coasters...
ga140705 -- - - I knew that cupcake would come unstuck from the ceiling eventually.
ga140706 -- click - Welcome to "Adorable Animals." Here's a puppy who just can't stay awake! - And two kittens who snuggle together in a sunbeam... - As squirrels and bunnies frolic together in the garden outside! - That's it for this week's "Adorable
ga140706 -- Animals". - Coming up next... - "Hideous, Disgusting Animals"
ga140707 -- Well, it's monday, and you know what that means... - Something bad's bound to happen sooner or... - *
ga140708 -- Are you saying nice things about me in your memoir? - - I'll give you a cany bar. "Jon Arbuckle, my hero."
ga140709 -- - Zoom - Seemed appropriate.
ga140710 -- I have a sore throat. - So... BARK - And... NOT SCARED
ga140711 -- Liz and I are going to the museum. - And cats aren't allowed. - That was our idea.
ga140712 -- Garfield! It's good to be back home! - Wait a minute! - I never went anywhere! Cue the scary music.
ga140713 -- You want to play? - Fetch the ball, Odie! - That's not the ball I threw. plop - That's not it, either. - That's not even close. - Even I've forgotten what he was supposed to fetch.
ga140714 -- - - What will it take to make you go away? Food has historically proven to be an effective motivator.
ga140715 -- I'm a pretty hip dude. - - So... Wait, I'm still processing that last comment.
ga140716 -- I'm going hang gliding! - - The house is mine!
ga140717 -- I'm starting to suspect that this isn't my hat. - I wouldn't jump to conclusions, Jon. - Maybe that's not your head.
ga140718 -- Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark - That's it. Gotta go! - And the weekend begins.
ga140719 -- My, this is interesting. - There was a fish in this bowl... - And now there isn't. He said something about getting a condo.
ga140720 -- - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - THUD - - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - THUD - -Guys, give the poor dog a break.
ga140721 -- - BLAT - Coffee wore off, eh? Who told?
ga140722 -- My new girlfriend is from another country. - Another country? - She lives in the basement. Does she speak English?
ga140723 -- Someday we may be visited by creatures from another planet. - - I hid the cookie jar.
ga140724 -- Mmm - Whole wheat! Mmm - Whole bacon!
ga140725 -- What have you been up to, Jon? - I've been dating you. - I already knew that. That's all he got, lady.
ga140726 -- We're out of ketchup... - So I put whipped cream on your sandwich. - He knows me well.
ga140727 -- C'mon, boys, let's go for a walk. - It's a gloomy day, but at least it isn't raining. - Well, at least it isn't snowing. - Well, at least it isn't hailing. - tok tok tok tokWell, at least there isn't lightning. tok tok - CRACK! How about
ga140727 -- stopping there, jinx-boy! I'm glad I didn't mention a volcano. FOOM
ga140728 -- Garfield, I just had a profound thought!... - - Darn! May it rest in peace.
ga140729 -- Welcome to "Practical Jokes"! - Ted has put a squirrel in his wife Cindy's purse. Let's watch... - Uh, Cindy, do you have any gum? And the number of a good divorce lawyer?
ga140730 -- Arf Arf - - Arf Arf Private conversation.
ga140731 -- Cats can sense when something is wrong. - SMACK! Ow! - That hurt! I knew that...
ga140801 -- Liz and I rode a roller coaster today. It went way up in the air... - And then went way down. - Am I blinking? Not yet.
ga140802 -- Hard-core sports fans are crazy. - But hard-core game show fans are even crazier. AARDVARK! AARDVARK! AARDVARK! And the answer is "Platypus".
ga140803 -- - I wonder what the water temperature is? - Could be ice-cold, you know. Could be. - I guess there's only one way to find out. Yeah. - Man, I hate to do this. No prob. - I'll do it. - Well? How is it?
ga140804 -- DO SOMETHING WITH THE MICE, GARFIELD! OKay. - - Having dinner is not what I meant! Well, then, I guess that we should have been a little more specific, shouldn't we?
ga140805 -- I heard of a cure for stress. - Relaxing your facial muscles. - Ah, that's better. For you, maybe.
ga140806 -- Why do dogs bury bones?... - dig dig dig Nobody knows. - Hang on...
ga140807 -- I think it's flea season. - I feel itchy. - And I see tiny ladders.
ga140808 -- Have you ever put your shoes on before your socks? No. - - Oh, me neither! Uh-huh.
ga140809 -- Help Wanted - Just what I need! - Bring me a cheeseburger and a strawberry milk shake.
ga140810 -- - - CLICK - - HEY! - - The Mad Photobomber strikes again!
ga140811 -- Fear me, world! - toing! - Almost forgot that part.
ga140812 -- Hello, Swindell Pizza? I'd like a large pepperoni! No, I don't need a two-liter of soda. Just... - No, I don't need any wings with that. No, I don't want any breadsticks, either, Just the pizza. - AND JUST WHY WOULD I NEED A SERVICE PLAN FOR
ga140812 -- A PIZZA?! The old upsell.
ga140813 -- I'm ordering a pizza. What should I get? - Yes, could I get a large...mushroom pizza... - With frogs...and make it sad? So much for chicken and onion.
ga140814 -- Happy slap-in-the-back-of-the-head day! - SLAP! - NOT one of Jon's favorite holidays.
ga140815 -- Liz put me on a healthy diet. - She thinks I'm sticking to it, but I'm not. - I feel so guilty. Donuts help.
ga140816 -- I'm going to spend the say seeing the world like you! Welcome. - There's not much to do down here, is there? Now you're getting it... - Z And now you've got it.
ga140817 -- ** - ** Sigh... - Jon, we've spent  all morning inside watching TV. - It's a beautiful summer day... - We shouldn't be in here...we should be OUTSIDE! - You know, you're right. - **
ga140818 -- sip sip - ZANG ZONG - OWOOOO We like our coffee strong enough to fight crime.
ga140819 -- Hello, Mime Pizza? I'd like a large pepperoni. - Hello? - I'm not suer if I just ordered a pizza or not. Let's hope the delivery boy doesn't have to walk here against the wind.
ga140820 -- Okay, Odie...fetch the stick! - CHOMP - AFTER I throw it, if you please...
ga140821 -- Time to lift weights, Garfield. - - Oops, too late now. That was close.
ga140822 -- How's my sweety, weety, wizzy Liz? CLICK CLICK CLICK - How's my widdle love pumpkin? CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK - Excuse me one moment. CLICK CLICK CLICK Stupid remote.
ga140823 -- I'm going to spend the day on all fours, so I can see the world as you do! Be my guest. - Wow, everything looks so big... - And you have a LOT of lint in your world. Yeah, people shed, too.
ga140824 -- Gizmo - Precious - Garfield - Mittens - Pumpkin - Ah, your obedience school yearbook... - I remember Mittens. Yeah, there's a weirdo in every class.
ga140825 -- Sometimes, when I watch the news, I think that humanity might be in trouble. - But then I look out the window on a bright, sunny day... - Adn I KNOW it's in trouble.
ga140826 -- - Food. - Thanks for pointing that out.
ga140827 -- Once upon a time there was a house with a man, a dog, and a cat. - The man was thin, the dog was happy, and the cat was fat. - Then the cat ate my breakfast, and the dog chewed up my slippers this morning! This sounds familiar.
ga140828 -- Do not be jealous of my awesomeness. - - Oh, okay, go ahead!
ga140829 -- Liz cares about me. - She put me on a healthy diet. - Now I'm going to care about you. Vent your hsotility elsewhere, Slim.
ga140830 -- - - If you want me to move, just say so.
ga140831 -- - Mmmmm...a nice nap outside, why don't I do this more often? - FOO! - plip - SMACK! BEAT IT! - It was him, daddy! Ah, yes, this is why.
ga140901 -- Well, at least monday's over. - RIP - I'll be going back to bed now.
ga140902 -- - Stop right there! - You are lookin' GREAT today! Back atcha!
ga140903 -- Okay, Odie, get ready, annnd... - FETCH YOURSELF! - GARFIELD!
ga140904 -- Hello, world's fastest pizza? I'd like a large pepperoni... - Um... ZHOOP - With extra cheese. These guys are good.
ga140905 -- I'm not sure Liz thinks that I'm suave. Nonsense! - BURP! scratch scratch scratch sniff sniff - You seem suave to me.
ga140906 -- I've got nothing to do. - Nope...nothing...nothing at all... - Did I mention that I've got nothing to do? YOU COULD SHUT UP!
ga140907 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - This has been "The Dog Show". - click - Welcome to "The Cat Show". - Z Z
ga140908 -- Are you going to lie there all day? That's the plan. - You won't get anything done like that. Also part of the plan. - You're going to disintegrate into a big pile of dust and just blown away! Someone's leaked the plan!
ga140909 -- And now, to explain the meaning of life, here's Odie. - Z - I've never felt closer to you.
ga140910 -- What a great night, huh, Garfield? - My aunt Walburga used to say the stars were tiny fairies who watch over us and bring us good luck. - Then she stepped right off the edge of the canyon. I'm going home now.
ga140911 -- Liverwurst...horseradish...and anchovy paste! Voila! The perfect sandwich! - - How come you're not answering your phone?
ga140912 -- Where can we go on vacation this year, Garfield? - Aside from a lasagna factory. - That's a stumper.
ga140913 -- YAH! - This puddle was deeper than it looked! - Like he needed to point that out. A little help...
ga140914 -- 1983 - 1989 - 1995 - 2004 - 2011 - - By, have WE ever had boring lives. Oh, I don't know...remember the moustache?
ga140915 -- I'm going to read Jon's mind. - - He wants me to eat the last cookie.
ga140916 -- Beware Of Shy Dog - - You can come out now. I can still hear you.
ga140917 -- Now, order the pizza. - I'd like a large pepperoni with extra cheese, please. - Next, we sit on the couch, pop jelly beans, and wait. - My favorite cooking show.
ga140918 -- - - Boy, it's dark outside! That's the closet.
ga140919 -- I'm bored. - Let's go someplace where we can meet some GIRL sock puppets! - I'll do all the talking. I'll try not to put a crimp in your style.
ga140920 -- - Hmmm. - Must be lunchtime.
ga140921 -- Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! - Thubk! GAH! - YAAAHHH! - OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! - - THUNK! GAAHHHHHH That'll show that old nail!
ga140922 -- Welcome to "Deep Thoughts". - - Do space aliens get acne? Good night from "Deep Thoughts".
ga140923 -- Maybe we should take separate vacations this year. - I will go somewhere fun. - Because you will not be there.
ga140924 -- BEWARE OF DOG - And I need to beware of you because... Because I have the sniffles! - Ah-choo! I guess a guy's gotta make a living.
ga140925 -- Severe weather is in the area. - ** DING-DONG! - Don't answer that!
ga140926 -- Donuts are bad for you, you know. - - They aren't as bad for me as I am for them.
ga140927 -- - - I've had worse.
ga140928 -- - Hi, my name's Finn! What's your name? - - I just moved in today! Is this a nice place? Do you like it here? - - It looks like we're going to be roomies! I hope you don't snore, or like loud music... - He just might be too stupid to eat. You
ga140928 -- don't talk much, do you?
ga140929 -- It's strange, Garfield. - Every time I go into the pet store... - The goldfishes scream. - Did you pick a big, juicy one?
ga140930 -- See this fish, Garfield? - This is the last fish I'm buying. - Understand what I'm saying? I should savor it?
ga141001 -- Uh-oh! I'm going to make a run for it! - - There seems to be a teensy flaw in that plan.
ga141002 -- Just as a thought! - The life span of a goldfish is seven years. - Not two minutes! It was a rich and full life.
ga141003 -- I remember a happy fishbowl. - I remember a frisky little fish - Where have all the memories gone? Is this a country song?
ga141004 -- Hey, Garfield, remember aunt Frieda's egg salad from last Christmas? - And the apple cobbler from your birthday, next to the summer salad? - Oh, and there's a piece of mom and dad's wedding cake! Time to clean out the fridge.
ga141005 -- - GARFIELD - How cute...Garfield is posting photos of his dinners. - GARFIELD - GARF - - Saaay, that looks like mine. Burp
ga141006 -- YAWN! - Can you try to be a little more personable? Yes, I can. - If you can be a little less dull.
ga141007 -- How was your food? Forgettable. - - Mind refreshing my memory?
ga141008 -- BEWARE OF THE HIDDEN DOG - You don't look very well-hidden. I'm not. - I'm also not the one to beware of.
ga141009 -- Garfield, I want to watch TV. - Let go of the remote. - You can do this. Could we have a moment alone first?
ga141010 -- Someday I'd like to visit the moon. - - But you don't have to pack my things just yet!
ga141011 -- Garfield acts much nicer when you're here, Liz. - - Really? Are you leaving soon?
ga141012 -- - - - - - - I LOVE your work!
ga141013 -- Garfield, these are the good old days. - - I'm going back to bed. Already there.
ga141014 -- Run for your lives! - - And bring me back a meatball sandwich!
ga141015 -- FREE PUPPIES - - Still overpriced.
ga141016 -- Jon went to the dentist. - I can always tell. - There's a subtle change in his dining habits.
ga141017 -- If you could live in another time, when would it be, Garfield? - Hmmm - I'd have to go with this morning, when we had donuts.
ga141018 -- Z - - MMMPH! And happy dreams to you, too, Jon.
ga141019 -- ** - We interrupt this program to bring you a special bulletin. - Authorities are reporting what appears to be a freak gardening accident. - We have a reporter at the scene now..Stu, what can you tell us? - Well, Laryy, it seems that a local
ga141019 -- man has his head stuck inside a watering can, and is walking down the middle of the street. - I'll see if I can gat a word from him...sir? Channel Seven News here... Channel Seven?! I'm on TV?! - Hi, Liz! We should do something. I've already
ga141019 -- locked the door.
ga141020 -- I'm very sure of myself. - Sort of. - Kind of...maybe...unless somebody's against it. Just stop talking.
ga141021 -- Don't hit me. Or kick me. Or scratch me. - No problem. - Or bite me. OH, COME ON!
ga141022 -- Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Lies! All lies! - Except for the fifth "Yip".
ga141023 -- claw claw claw Stop clawing the couch, Garfield! - claw claw claw Stop clawing the curtains, Garfield! - claw claw claw I DIN'T MEAN GO BACK TO THE COUCH!!!
ga141024 -- My lips are chapped! - Now I can't kiss Liz! - Great news!
ga141025 -- - Garfield, there's an old saying... - "A lazy cat gathers no donuts". That's why you are here to serve me.
ga141026 -- - I wish I could just lie there doing nothing like you, Garfield. - Look at me...I'm a lazy cat! - I don't move for hours at a time... - Staring off into space... - Totally useless.  -Well, I guess I'll go eat my lunch. That's what you (burp)
ga141026 -- think.
ga141027 -- A ghost! - I'm not a ghost, I'm a talking sheet. - And your little friend? Oh, he's a talking pillow-case. Hi! Channel changer, do your thing.
ga141028 -- The monster! It's alive! - Yawn! - Got any of those cheese crackers? - Sounds like something I wrote.
ga141029 -- When the moon is full, I turn into a wolf! - Then I can scratch the back of my head with my foot. - Ooooo! That feels good! scritch scritch scritch THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SCARY MOVIE, YOU KNOW!
ga141030 -- Welcome to "Cat Channel Cinema". - Tonight's film, "The Day The Can Opener Died". - How was the movie last night? It was a weeper.
ga141031 -- Garfield, there's a creepy noise in my closet! - Maybe it's a monster! Not to worry. - What should we do? Your wardrobe will kill it.
ga141101 -- - - When did we get new curtains?
ga141102 -- - - - - - - What was THAT all about? Cute people walked by.
ga141103 -- Time to get up! So? - "Time to get up"...that really frosts me! Like I have a job! I'm a cat! Why would I have to... - Pancakes. ZIP
ga141104 -- Good evening, and welcome to... - - Pregnant Pause Theater. Ready...aim...
ga141105 -- ODIE - Yes, dog food is SUPPOSED to look disgusting. - SLURP GULP CHOMP! NARF!
ga141106 -- I've been thinking... WOW! And they said it couldn't be done! - - And... There's MORE?!
ga141107 -- Wow, Garfield, have you lost weight? - You look like you've packed on a few pounds there. - Awww...back already? I like liars.
ga141108 -- What do you think of my outfit? - - Well? Hang on. I'm working up a hairball.
ga141109 -- - - - - patta patta patta patta patta patta patta  runna runna runna runna runna runna runna - BOING!  BOING! -
ga141110 -- - - Is that all you're doing today? I made an appearance.
ga141111 -- Garfield, you have a bad habit. - You leave the refrigerator door open. - I'm trying to save energy! So am I!
ga141112 -- "Dear ask a dog"... - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - That wasn't the question.
ga141113 -- - ZOO Do Not Feed The Animals - No point going in there.
ga141114 -- HI, LIZ! HELLO! GREETINGS! HOLA! HOWDY-DOO! ALOHA! WHAT'S SHAKIN'? HOW'S IT GOIN'?! - NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US, WE'RE GOING TO RUN UP AND DOWN THE BASEMENT STAIRS 500 TIMES! - CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP!
ga141114 -- CLOMP! Triple-shot latte moustaches.
ga141115 -- - - Salad can't be trusted.
ga141116 -- - Phone, find local fitness centers. Just a moment. - I have located three. What would you like to do? - I'd like to join one. YOU?! - YES, me! I'm VERY health conscious! Oh, really? - You have twenty-seven pizza parlors on speed dial. - My
ga141116 -- smartphone is smarter than I am. How tough is that?
ga141117 -- THE CAT IS A FINK - I want whoever did this CAUGHT! - Right away, sire.
ga141118 -- Pest control? There's a rat in my basement. - Yes, you're absolutely right. - I SHOULD get a cat. Cats shed.
ga141119 -- Maybe the rat in the basement will just leave. - - It's hanging pictures.
ga141120 -- Okay, rat, I'm coming down.! - CLICK - I hate it when they turn the lights on and set out a welcome mat.
ga141121 -- The rat in the basement is leaving. - Yes! I knew I could get rid of him! - He says he can't stand a whiny cat. You work with what you got.
ga141122 -- It's hard to keep up with all the changes in the world. I hear you. - You should do what I do... - Pretend they never happened.
ga141123 -- - - Look, Garfield! A falling star! - If you make a wish on a falling start, it will come true. - Did you make a wish? - FLOMP - Yes.
ga141124 -- I'm awake! - - And they say it couldn't be done!
ga141125 -- Hello? ...no, there's no Peggy here. - No, ther enever was a Peggy here. - No, I will NOT pretend to be Peggy! I love wrong numbers.
ga141126 -- - Well, nothing's moving. - I have high standards when it comes to cat food.
ga141127 -- I'm making grandma's special soup, Garfield. - I'm trying to follow her recipe. - Where do I get a coyote? We can substitute witch chocolate cake.
ga141128 -- Die time, Garfield. - - And just as I reach my target weight!
ga141129 -- Cat treats are a greater invention than the wheel. - WHOA!... - A wheel made from cat treats!
ga141130 -- - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - SNORK! - CHOO! SPLAT! - - - YAAAAAHH WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP This happens all the time.
ga141201 -- Sometimes winter can seem gray, dull, lifeless, cold and unforgiving. - But then along comes Christmas. - And along comes Jon. A little help...
ga141202 -- So this is your shopping list? - No. - That's the index.
ga141203 -- What would you like for Christmas, Odie? A chewy bone, or a squeaky bone? - - Odie? I think he locked up.
ga141204 -- Santa will be soon here. - With presents for everybody who's been good. - And me! And you.
ga141205 -- What's this? I'm sending Santa a picture of me. - - Not a very good likeness. Okay, I added the halo.
ga141206 -- Nothing lasts forever. - Wrong! - Fruitcake doesn't count!
ga141207 -- To: Santa From: Me - Dear Santa, I have been good all year. Please see attached photos. - - pat pat - X - - This is fraud, you know... Shut up and smile.
ga141208 -- Santa Claus knows whether you've been good or bad. - He's a fat guy who does nothing 364 days out of the year. - You haven't been very good. Who is HE to judge ME?!
ga141209 -- I've heard that Christmas calories "don't count". - I say that should also apply to the days of the week. - How can you eat so much? Tuesday calories don't count.
ga141210 -- Look, Garfield, a banana slicer! Think Liz would like that for Christmas? - - Why do you look at me like that? Would you rather I rolled my eyes?
ga141211 -- Garfield, how about this for Liz? ... - A wrinkle cream holiday gift set! - You're going to be a lonely, lonely old man.
ga141212 -- Sigh...I never know what to get Liz for Christmas, Garfield. - Look, you be her, and I'll try some gift ideas out on you. Fine. - Teeth whitening strips! I think we should see other people.
ga141213 -- Ho! Ho! Ho! I bet Spider Calus knows what YOU want for Christmas! - SCHWOP - ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES!
ga141214 -- - * ding! - ZIP - - SMOOOOOOOCH - - Christmas cookie oven timer.
ga141215 -- What's this? My Christmas list. - - Nobody makes a cheese danish that big. Then it's time somebody started!
ga141216 -- Arbuckle holiday tradition number one... - AAAAGGHHH! - Eeeeevery year.
ga141217 -- Arbuckle holiday tradition number two... slam! - - Caroling.
ga141218 -- We now return to "Dick, the Cat Who Didn't Save Christmas" - Dick, stop clawing the waterbed! - Oh, no! The presents are all soaked! All right, Dick! Now go swat the ornaments off the tree!
ga141219 -- Liz, I just don't know what to get you for Christmas! - Oh, Jon, YOU'RE all I need for Christmas. - Maybe she could exchange you for something good.
ga141220 -- The holidays are a time for peace and love... - So how's about a hug, tubbo? - How's that hugging thing workin' for you, Larry? Blow it out your jingle bell, Carl.
ga141221 -- Let's see now... - Tree decorated...check. - House lights up...check. - Presents wrapped...check. - Stocking hung from chimney...check. - TOING - Santa trap tested...check.
ga141222 -- - GARFIELD! - Hey, they needed an alto.
ga141223 -- Hello, Santa's Pizza? I'd like to order a large pepperoni! - Why is it called Santa's Pizza? - WHUMP! Ah.
ga141224 -- Presents...cookies...eggnogg... - Is there anything about Christmas I DON'T like? - smooooooooooooch
ga141225 -- It's Christmas! - The one day of the whole year... - when shredding is not frowned upon. Garfield
ga141226 -- I ate so much I can't move. Me too. - - Best Christmas ever. Ever.
ga141227 -- Hi! I'm your holiday overeating nightmare! - MUAH-HA! HA! HA! HAAAAAH! - But what ARE you? The last belt notch.
ga141228 -- - What do you want to do for new year's eve, Liz? How about dinner and dancing? - I think I'd be happy just ordering pizza and staying home with you, Garfield and Odie. - Are you sure? Because I could get a pet sitter, and - WHOP! - - Was I
ga141228 -- saying something? Yeah, but it wasn't important.
ga141229 -- I got my wife a treadmill for Christmas. - That's nice. - Why are you standing out here in the snow? I got my wife a treadmill for Christmas.
ga141230 -- 2009 has sure been a long year. - - We gotta get a new calendar.
ga141231 -- Mine is to not be so clumsy. - - THUD Resolutions are SO hard to keep.
ga150101 -- My resolution is to be more sensitive to the feelings of others. - SMACK - That HURT! I feel your pain.
ga150102 -- This year I resolve to abandon my scavenging, vermin ways. - - Are you gonna finish that?
ga150203 -- My new year's resolution is to lose weight. - You? Lose WEIGHT?! Yeah... - I'm gettin' a real fly gut.
ga150104 -- glug glug glug - Hey, guys, check it out... - BURRP! - BUUURRRP! - BUUUUUUUUUUUU - UUUUUUUURRRRrrr - rrrrrrp He's the master, all right. Urf.
ga150105 -- - - Ah, winter is here.
ga150106 -- You know what the world needs more of? - Me! - Love! The world loving ME!
ga150107 -- You never know what might be around the next corner. - - You go ahead, I'll wait here.
ga150108 -- Do you believe in time travel? - Observer... - When I get up, it will be friday.
ga150109 -- I dreamed about you last night, Liz. How sweet. - I also dreamed about Godzilla. Different dream, I hope. - Then let's say it was. I'll be leaving the room now.
ga150110 -- First snowflake of the year. I wonder what kind of season it'll be. - BLOOEY! - Probably a bad one.
ga150111 -- - UNGH! - FLUMP - ARRRGH! - * - 
ga150112 -- ...and then I fell asleep. - Have you noticed how all my stories end that way? - Z
ga150113 -- I'm the best! - You're the worst. - My turn. I'm the best!
ga150114 -- It's snowing! Let's make a snowman! - But the snow's too powdery to roll into a ball. -
ga150115 -- My father is a bowling ball. Really? - Uh-huh. - He thinks I'm soft. Ba-da-CHING!
ga150116 -- I can't find my pants. - Where could they be? - They're probably hiding.
ga150117 -- - Oh, you've got it tough. - I COULD use a pillow.
ga150118 -- - Jon! - There you are! - Right there. - Instead of someplace else. - Like over there. - Man! It's hard to create excitement around here!
ga150119 -- - - Good times. Booyah.
ga150120 -- Wanna chase me? - No? - Wouldn't do it. Sure! Make the cat do all the work!
ga150121 -- Just look at that... BEWARE OF LOG - How sad is it when somebody can't even spell a simple word like - 
ga150122 -- I was very involved in athletics, Garfield. - I was a student manager... - Of the chess team. He wiped their brows.
ga150123 -- munch munch munch - munch munch munch munch - Are you going to share that popcorn with me? Perhaps it's time to break up.
ga150124 -- Remember the day yesterday... - When I ALMOST ate a donut?! - By any chance was that around the time that I DID eat a donut?
ga150125 -- - BREAD BREAD BREAD BREAD - SQUASH - SQUASH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUASH SQUISH SQUISH SQUASH SQUASH SQUISH - - KACHUNK GAH! Jon's butter expires at midnight!
ga150126 -- Okay... - There's a reason for everything... - WHY did I wake up?
ga150127 -- - - I have roller skates! - I have claws!
ga150128 -- Okay, Odie. We'll make a snowman. - Hmm...but there's not much snow... -
ga150129 -- My uncle Roscoe was very wise. - He'd say, "You have to accept people, warts and all". - He had this gigantic. Stop right there!
ga150130 -- Cat Mania! - - Catch it!
ga150131 -- Liz, I'm sick. - could you rub my shoulders and say "poor baby"? - Was that a chortle?! Laughter is the best medicine.
ga150201 -- * fwee Sigh pant pant - * fwee Sigh pant pant - * fwee Sigh pant pant - * fwee Sigh pant pant - * fwee Sigh pant pant - ENOUGH WITH THE SIGHING AND PANTING! AT LEAST OUR NOSES DON'T WHISTLE! BARK! - * fwee The cabin fever is turning ugly.
ga150201 -- pant pant
ga150202 -- Cheer up, Garfield. - That's better! - Now what?
ga150203 -- I'm taking a test, Garfield. - "What is your maturity level?! - Where are my crayons? That's an automatic ten-point deduction.
ga150204 -- Next! - BARK! - This express line is a time-saver.
ga150205 -- You know, Jon, Garfield is almost like your child. - Feed me, daddy! - I wish you wouldn't give him ideas. Wah!
ga150206 -- For my first trick... - I will do the impossible. - This cat will fetch this ball. That's a puppet!
ga150207 -- I'm depressed. - - ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME WORSE?!
ga150208 -- Oh, great... - Just great...I've been sitting here so long, I'm frozen to the fence. - Garfield, what are you doing out here? I'm frozen to the fence. - You shouldn't be sitting outside in the cold like this. I'm frozen to the fence. - Why
ga150208 -- don't you come inside? I'm making cocoa. I'm frozen to the... - Cocoa? -
ga150209 -- Sometimes dreams do come true. - - You dream about stumbling aimlessly through a meaningless existence?
ga150210 -- Sometimes a man has to make tough decisions. - - I wonder what that's like. To be a man?
ga150211 -- - Your staring at me doesn't bother me. - How about now? Okay, that's a little creepy.
ga150212 -- Odie has no idea what's going on. - What IS going on?
ga150213 -- What pretty snow...it looks like powdered sugar falling on french toast. - - Don't wait up.
ga150214 -- I think I'll go powder my nose. - You're not going to leave, are you? Why would I do that? - My date's coming back. More water, Romeo?
ga150215 -- - - - - - YAAAH! This really needs to stop. You're stifling my creativity!
ga150216 -- You look bored. - I'm not bored... - I have an image to maintain.
ga150217 -- How's it goin' tonight, folks? Feelin' good? - Oh, things could be going better. I have this pain in my neck. So do I! No kidding? Yeah, curled up under the sofa all night. I hear you, girl. What do you do for that? Oh, I just... - That was a
ga150217 -- rhetorical question! Good stuff! Yeah, I like it! Ask us another one!
ga150218 -- YAWN! - YAWN! - Nothing to do? Did it.
ga150219 -- I strained a muscle today. - Wow! - You have a muscle?
ga150220 -- I think I'll do something rugged and manly. Like what? - Mow the lawn with my shirt off! - I'm stuck! Now's your chance to make a run for it.
ga150221 -- I wonder if it's possible for you to be even lazier. - I could be... - But you'd have to do it for me.
ga150222 -- MEOW - MEOW - Robots will never replace cats. - They could never do the things we do. - Z - Z - The technology is more advanced than I thought! Z
ga150223 -- Kids... - Don't let this happen to you. - That was an insult? No. That was a public service announcement.
ga150224 -- I'm going to go on a diet. - - A really lousy one!
ga150225 -- Cats can tell what you're thinking. - - Assuming you are.
ga150226 -- FRESH FISH - - You smell like you've been rolling around in a dumpster behind a fish store. Jealous...
ga150227 -- When I'm in one of my crazy moods, ANYTHING can happen! - - Or not!
ga150228 -- Z - The day is half over! - And so is my nap!
ga150301 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH
ga150301 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - Crunchy - GOOSH! - - SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH
ga150301 -- SQUISH Squishy.
ga150302 -- I will not be bothered by today, starting now - - Okay, starting NOW.
ga150303 -- BEWARE OFINVISIBLE DOG - Who do they think they're fooling with THAT... - BLAT!
ga150304 -- CAT NEWS - Whoa! - There's an awful lot not going on.
ga130505 -- I like to think of myself as smart. - Good for you. - I like to think of myself as skinny.
ga150306 -- Let's do something exciting! - We could try to give Garfield a bath! - You could TRY. Maybe not THAT exciting.
ga150307 -- I'm not afraid of the cat's rolled-up newspaper! - I say ATTACK! - He has a phone book. I say REGROUP!
ga150308 -- - - - - * - - GAAAAH
ga150309 -- Yawn! - YAWN! - Why must you outdo me at everything? Because I can.
ga150310 -- I could climb this tree. - But then I'd just fall out of it. - Might as well just skip to the end.
ga150311 -- Go away, Odie. You bother me. - - I guess I asked for that...
ga150312 -- Mom, I have to go now. - I really do have to go... - Oh, all right. I'll talk to the cow. Jon, you know how the cow drones on...
ga150313 -- What would I do if Liz ever dumped me? - Hmmm... - You look like a crier.
ga150314 -- What could be better than being a cat? - - Being a cat with ice cream!
ga150315 -- - I'm gonna cook dinner for Liz tonight! Is this your way of breaking up with her? - Baking powder...that's basically baking soda, right? Go for it. - Huh...the butter is crispy. Is that normal? In a comic strip, yes. - I wonder if I
ga150315 -- should've added the eggs before I put it in the oven. Does the oven have an "undo" button? - Okay, where's the fire extinguisher? Right where you left it the last time you cooked. - I am so, so sorry. Jon's smart enough to feel disappointed
ga150315 -- in himself, but too dense to do anything right.
ga150316 -- Good night, Garfield. Good night, Jon. - I'll attempt to, but fail to, wake you in the morning. And I'll attempt to, and succeed at, sleeping in. - I love routine.
ga150317 -- DO *NOT* BEWARE OF DOG - LET'S BE FRIENDS - RUB MY TUMMY
ga150318 -- ** I'm great. I'm great. I'm great. ** - * I'm the best, best, best, best, best. * - My theme song.
ga150319 -- Good day for... - - I'm going to go with "nothing".
ga150320 -- - Aren't you going to ask me about my day? - So, how was your day, as if I care? Try again.
ga150321 -- How about "sorry"? - Or "oops"? - I'm trying to think of words for Jon to live by.
ga150322 -- Sigh... - Sigh... What's wrong, Jon? - I was going to do my annual dance to spring... - But I can't find my daisy costume ANYwhere! - Oh, well... - Did you bury it deep? Way deep. - Time for plan B! Well, go dig it back up. On my way!
ga150323 -- Life is good, Garfield. - There's nothing I want. - And you got it.
ga150324 -- Welcome to "Stupid Mime Theater" - - Uh...line?
ga150325 -- BARK! - Whoa! That was PERFECT! - When it comes to barking, it's QUANTITY, not quality, you know!
ga150326 -- - - Do you not see that mouse?! Do you not know that it's impolite to point?!
ga150327 -- The health department came today. - We can only serve water. - But not in our glasses. Not a straw long enough...
ga150328 -- I'm back! You may proceed to tell me how much you missed me! - - Uh-oh, my hearing has failed!
ga150329 -- - - - ** zzzzzzzzzzzzz - zzzzzzzz - - What happened?! March suckered me again.
ga150330 -- The vacuum cleaner has worn out. - - I win!
ga150331 -- Check out the new phone, Garfield. - It texts...it e-mails... - Press this and two little arms come out and juggle. NOW I'm impressed.
ga150401 -- You think you're so smart! - Not really... - I'm smart AND good-looking.
ga150402 -- I'm in a bad mood today! - Somebody's got to pay! - KNIT ME INTO AN ITCHY SWEATER! Whoa! Calm down, pal!
ga150403 -- BURP! - Good one! - You aren't big on charm, are you? Nope. Now how about that awesome belch?
ga150404 -- Garfield, sometimes I wish I could understand what you're thinking. - - Or, maybe not. Come to the cat side.
ga150405 -- DAY PLANNER - DAY PLANNER tap tap tap 8:59 AM: Wake up 9:00 AM: Breakfast 9:01 AM: Nap - tap tap tap 11:59 AM: Wake up 12:00 PM: Lunch 12:01 PM: Nap - tap tap tap 4:59 PM: Wake up - 5:00 PM: Dinner 5:01 PM: Bedtime - Want to go to the park
ga150405 -- tomorrow? - - Sorry...I'm booked.
ga150406 -- Back...back...back... - Back up some more... - You still look fat. You're still too close.
ga150407 -- Hello, Skinny. - Hey, everyone, Skinny's here! - Yep, everyone loves Skinny. That is the most pathetic attempt at revers psychology tha tI have ever heard.
ga150408 -- Enjoying your berries, Garfield? - Oh, no... - It's called a "diet". I AM awake!
ga150409 -- To diet, you have to learn to say "no, thank you." That's easy enough. - Okay, a test...care for some ice cream? - No, thank you.
ga150410 -- - - How do you like that salad? We don't seem to have much in common.
ga150411 -- Garfield, are you sticking to your diet? Yes, I am. - There are donuts missing. - How do you explain that?  I lied.
ga150412 -- GONK SPOOT - SPLOT - THWACK - GAAAHH - hummmmmm - YAAAAA AAAAA HHH - YAH! YAH! YAH! I love home videos.
ga150413 -- It's monday. - A bright new week, a fresh beginning for my life. - And I just brushed my teeth with hair mousse. Welcome to my world.
ga150414 -- Oh, I know why you're angry... - Because cat hair looks better on me than on you. - Vanity, thy name is Jon.
ga150415 -- I'm the world's fastest snail! Prove it. - - Gotta stretch first. Ah.
ga150416 -- Talking about hard work...hard work never hurt anyone. True. - - You ARE talking about TALKING about hard work, right?
ga150417 -- scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot - Well, we're never going THERE again. I agree. - What kind of buffet runs out of food, anyway?!
ga150418 -- Do you think I'm getting fat? - Do you think I'm getting stupid? - You answer me first. I did.
ga150419 -- nok nok nok - Say goodbye to Jon the Looser, Liz. Yes, I'm a new man! - I've given up my losing ways, and I'm...HEY, LOOK! A STREET FAIR! - Look deeep into my eyeeees... Oh, please. - What size hat do you... I'M GOOD! - So, is everyone ready
ga150419 -- to eat? Sure, why not. - This "new man" stuff is easy! I'll create a diversion, and you run like the wind.
ga150420 -- There's no place like home. - - Thank goodness.
ga150421 -- You know what the world needs? - Donuts so big you need heavy machinery to lift them! - Why do I talk to you? Because I have all the answers, pal!
ga150422 -- dig dig dig dig dig - - Even I'VE never been THAT hungry.
ga150423 -- Cats do a lot of research. - SMACK - THAT HURT! Fascinating...
ga150424 -- Notice anything different about me, Jon? Um... - You're even more beautiful today than you were yesterday? - Okay, today I gotta give you one, Arbuckle.
ga150425 -- You know, Garfield, I often wonder if I could have been a doctor. - I have a splinter. - When ypu're done fainting, I'd like to know where you keep the tweezers, doctor.
ga150416 -- - - WOOOOOOO! - Air guitar - - BURP - Air lasagna.
ga150427 -- I'm going to try being invisible today. - - I haven't seen you all day. TAH-DAH!
ga150428 -- * ping - type type type type type type type - Kids, never text and climb trees.
ga150429 -- I have an idea! Why don't YOU bark at ME today? Sure. - Bark. - That was pathetic. NOT UNLIKE YOUR STUPID IDEA!
ga150430 -- - - How come there aren't any good polka movies? That's it! I was having a good day up until then!
ga150501 -- Why don't we dress Garfield up in a cute outfit and take his picture? - Yes, Jon, Why don't you do that again? - That might not be wise. Experience is a dear teacher.
ga150502 -- How many mice are in there? Let's see... - 4,732. - Where's everybody else?
ga150503 -- * Mee-mee-mee-mee-mee-yowwww - * ROWRRR OWRRRR NYORRR YOWRRR - mew - FFT! FFT! FFFFT! HIIISSSSS! - PURRRRRRRRRRRRR - BURRRRP! - What was THAT? His greatest hits medley.
ga150504 -- I don't plan to move. - ...ever. - Who wants a brownie?
ga150505 -- I've been reading that book Liz gave me. - Then my brain started to hurt. I'll get the antidote! - Now it's kind of numb. Here! Comics! Read! Read!
ga150506 -- Echo Point - - Meow? You're guessing!
ga150507 -- Darn! snap! - I forgot to go jogging this morning! - HA! HA! HA! HA!  HA! HA! HA! HA!
ga150508 -- Liz is arriving. - And Jon is rushing to embrace her! - THUD Perhaps he should have waited until her car stopped moving.
ga150509 -- What a great day! - I an one with nature... - and the peanut butter sandwich.
ga150510 -- - - - - - - 
ga150511 -- Allow me to give you a tour of my world... - - This is my paw.
ga150512 -- I'm a wild man. - - Grr Eek
ga150513 -- - Bark! - Everything today is "rush, rush, rush".
ga150314 -- You should watch less television. - Okay. - What channel is that on?
ga150515 -- - May I have my book, please? Sure. - Just don't ask for the ice cream.
ga150516 -- I was just feeding the pigeons in the park. - How thoughtful! He's fattening them up for me!
ga150517 -- NEXT! - tappity tappity tappity tappity - * MEOW YOWRR * ROWR ROWR - * YOWWWWRR! - squeak - JUdGES - How'd the talent show go?
ga150518 -- I'm a problem solver. - Yup... - But first I have to cause a few.
ga150519 -- - HACK! - Living room? That's for me to know, and you to find out.
ga150520 -- Remember the time you chased your tail? - And you CAUGHT it? - And then you beat it up?
ga150521 -- Heroic Cat rescues little boy! - I could do that. - For the right amount of tuna.
ga150522 -- Where's Jon? I don't know. - I can stand in for him if you like... - Just give me a moment to think of something stupid to say.
ga150523 -- - - Is that a cookie crumb on your shirt?? I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST COOKIE! I SWEAR!
ga150524 -- Kindergarten - Grade 1 - Grade 3 - Grade 5 - Grade 7 - Grade 9 - That's when I hit my growth spurt. Right when they were taking the picture?
ga150525 -- I'm a little sleepy. A little speely? A LITTLE sleepy? - You're not even trying, Jon! - I'm asleep even when I'm awake!
ga150526 -- A thunderstorm is headed this way. - - Just like on the weather map.
ga150527 -- Bark That's it? - That's it. Whoa... - Am I becoming less annoying to dogs?
ga150528 -- I have solved the mystery of who ate all the peanuts! - But what about the murder? - Oh...that... Nice going, Inspector Low-Hanging Fruit.
ga150529 -- I need a hug. - No, that isn't it. - I need ice cream!
ga150530 -- Most mistakes are unfortunate. - - However, some of them are pretty funny.
ga150531 -- Watch me...waaaaatch meeeee - Sleepy...sleepy...you are getting SLEEEEEEPY... - You are under my power and will OBEY me... - Now, cluck like a chicken! - WHACK - How stupid does he think I AM? - Oh...morning, Jon. Buck buck buck
ga150601 -- Today I'm just going to concentrate on me. - Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me! - I could get used to this!
ga150602 -- Why are the cats the way they are? - We don't know. - They won't tell us. So stop asking already!
ga150603 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Hey! This is where you run in terror! I'll meet you partway. - Howzabout I saunter in terror?
ga150604 -- You're attracting quite a crowd. - DO something! - Sigh This Space For Rent
ga150605 -- We're going for a walk, Garfield, want to come? Nah. - I tried that once. - It'll never catch on.
ga150606 -- These are troubled times. - Troubled indeed... - We are LOW on corn chips.
ga150607 -- - - CLICK - Set to Home Scree: tap - - tap GAAAAHHHH
ga150608 -- Okay...who thinks I'm great? - - I'll count that as a "maybe".
ga150609 -- Yes, dogs are indeed man's best friend. - And cats? - They're more like a snobbish neighbor. Peasant!
ga150610 -- Wise Man ---> AIIIYEEEEEEEEEE - THUD - Wise Man v
ga150611 -- * BRIIINNNG! - - Garfield, you're supposed to use the alarm to get UP You're funny!
ga150612 -- - How's it going? Ah, tuna breath.
ga150613 -- A giant beanstalk! - - Not a big vegetable fan.
ga150614 -- - Okay, Garfield... - All we have left in the house is an open bag of flour... - A can of french-fried onions and an old potato. - I know! I'll make french-fried onion-potato soup! - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! - I need a large pepperoni. We do this
ga150604 -- every sunday.
ga150615 -- I'll be turn a year older soon. - I wonder if I'll have the age nightmares again this year. - Heeeey! THERE'S the birthday boy! Question answered.
ga150616 -- So, you're my age nightmare for tonight? Yessiree! I'm your - - lightning-quick reflexes.
ga150617 -- Greetings, Garfield...I'm your age nightmare, the middle-aged gut! - You don't scare me! YAAA-AHHH! - Amateur.
ga150618 -- Are you tonight's age nightmare? Yeah...I'm yiur youthful optimism. - You're not smiling. - YOU'RE not youthful.
ga150619 -- How old are you TODAY, Garfiel? None of your business! - Wow! - THAT old.
ga150620 -- You must be my age nightmare for tonight. That's right. A? - What are you supposed to be? My eye chart? - No, your ear chart.
ga150621 -- A-one... A-two... - hoop! - WHUMP! - screeeeeeeeee - eeeeeeeeeeeeee - THUD - The table gets higher every year, doesn't it, Garfield? Come closer.
ga150622 -- I can't lie here like this much longer. - - Two...three weeks, tops.
ga150623 -- YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! - THUD! - Kids...never text while chasing a squirrel.
ga150624 -- There's a limit to how much I can eat. - We're out of food. - My point exactly.
ga150625 -- A giant insect is threatening to destroy the planet! - We're doomed! Unless... - Unless we find a really, really big guy who can step on it! Clever.
ga150626 -- Liz says I'm a good kisser. - A VERY good kisser. - She syas my lips are HEY! I'M EATING HERE!
ga150627 -- ECHO POINT I don't believe that sign. - CLONK! OW! - GARFIELD! GARFIELD! I stand corrected.
ga150628 -- - tap tap tap tap tap tap - Hee hee hee hee. send - * ping - bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark - See translation: tap - meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow Hee hee hee hee.
ga150629 -- I thought I was out of gum. - And then I reached into my pocket, and guess what? - I found gum! JUST LIVIN' THE DREAM, AREN'T YOU, ARBUCKLE?!
ga150630 -- Look at Odie. - He's so...so Odie-like. - At least it's something he's good at.
ga150701 -- Well, let's see... - I've eaten breakfast, lunch and Dinner. - It's been a goot morning.
ga150702 -- My uncle Leon was healthy his whole life... - Then one day...BAM! He went just like that! - Heart attack? Hong Kong phone book.
ga150703 -- Liz, let's not argue. - Argue? Why would we argue? - Because I'm about to say something incredibly stupid. There's hope for that boy yet.
ga150704 -- Breakfast! - VROOM! Vroom? -
ga150705 -- - I've decided to build some shelves. - Care to help me? Absolutely! - Cool! - hammer hammer hammer hammer THONK - OW! - Call an ambulance! That's my part.
ga150706 -- - I could never eat cat food. - Not if you value your life!
ga150707 -- I love food! - - And whatever that was.
ga150708 -- * ding . Popcorn's ready! - Works every time.
ga150709 -- I love gullible people. - They're so trusting. - Can I trust you to hold my cand bar? Absolutely!
ga150710 -- I hope it doesn't rain. - - I hope we don't have any fudge!
ga150711 -- I've watched enough television. - Coming up next... - ...something. That might be good.
ga150712 -- Z - Z Huh...my arm fell asleep. - Z Z And there goes the other arm. - Z Z Z Z ...and there go my legs. - FLUMP - Z Z Z Z This isn't so bad, really. - SNORE SNOORE SNOORE SNOORE
ga150713 -- Blah, blah, blah, blah. Ignore, ignore, ignore. - Blah, blah, blah... Ignore, ignore... - I really enjoyed our visit, Garfield. Aaand ignore.
ga150714 -- Climbing a tree... - It's a good way to spend a morning. - And an afternoon...and an evening...
ga150715 -- Dear "Ask a Dog"... - "Who is a good little doggie?! Is it you?! Huh?! Huh?!! - I can't read any more of this.
ga150716 -- I could save the world. - - If it's ever attacked by a giant cheesecake.
ga150717 -- Liz says she like men with a good sense of humor. - 3...2...1... - And me. Ah.
ga150718 -- You've been clawing the curtains. What?! - Prove it! - They're stuck to your paw. - Is that all you've got?
ga150719 -- boop beep beep bip boop - Hi, Liz! Wanna go to the 7 o'clock showing of "Zombie Prom Date"? I'm so sorry, Jon, I have to work late. - Don't feel bad...I'll go with, uh, some other friends. Ha ha! You mean Garfield and Odie?  - No! Not them!
ga150719 -- ...my OTHER friends! Oh, right...your OTHER friends. - Hey, I know real people! Okay...have funtonight! - boop - Ha! Ha! Great movie, right, Bob and Ed? Just pretend you don't know him.
ga150720 -- YAWN! - I'm bored. - And pround!
ga150721 -- Do you ever dream about me, Garfield? Let me check. - Z - No. You're a piece of work.
ga150722 -- What is that? - Ah, it's Odie with a bucket on his head. - Or a really ugly lamp.
ga150723 -- Really?! I've been elected King of England?! - GARFIELD! I'VE BEEN ELEC- - Doc, Boy, is that you? Hang up, your majesty.
ga150724 -- Cough. - Sounds like someone could use a checkup! - How long has she been waiting just outside the frame to jump out and say that to me?
ga150725 -- Jon! Odie is chewing on your slippers! - - And he is using all the ketchup!
ga150726 -- - Hot dog cart! - Ice cream truck! ** ring-a-ling ding-ding - Pizza delivery guy! - Lemonade stand! - Girl scout cookies! - You were outside a long time. Just enjoying all that nature has to offer.
ga150727 -- Pets can relieve stress. - RELAX! - Just call me "Zen Master G".
ga150728 -- It would be hard to improve on this day. - Oh, I don't know... - This could all be ice cream.
ga150729 -- How do dogs remember where they buried their bones? - - There's an app for that.
ga150730 -- I'm moving to a new place. I'll miss you. - Oh, I'm not moving far.
ga150731 -- I baked a cake for Liz. - BURP - I think I'll bake another cake for Liz. Make it chocolate this time.
ga150801 -- - I think... Z - Close call.
ga150802 -- wad wad wad - dok - doomp! - dok dok doomp! - Hey, Garfield! Watch this! - dok dok dok - *
ga150803 -- Jon, it has occured to me thet I have never thanked you for all that you do for me. - So I just want to say... - That I don't plan to.
ga150804 -- Swatting spiders is wrong! - SMACK - Not to mention unattractive. HEY!
ga150805 -- - dig dig dig dig dig -
ga150806 -- King Kong has fallen from the Empire State Building! - But look! He isn't hurt! - Because, kids, he's wearing protective headgear. Must they ruin EVERYTHING?!
ga150807 -- I would like to sing a song. - SMACK! - Why did you do that?! On behalf of music lovers the world over.
ga150808 -- We should do something fun. - You mean we're not? - He's kidding, right? Not since the rubber omelet gag in 2014.
ga150809 -- - Hey, Lisa! How are you? - GUH! It's been a long time! - GAK! So, how's everything? - NYAH! Are you still single? - EEEYA AAAAA AAHHH! Well...see you! - We went out on a date once. I kinda figured that out.
ga150810 -- You know what they say, Garfield... - "Hard work is its own reward". - No wonder it's so unpopular.
ga150811 -- In spite of their color... - Canaries are NOT lemon flavored. - Tomorrow, "Mice: are they chocolate flavored or not?" Thank you. clap clap clap clap clap clap
ga150812 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, isn't it true that cats are much, much smarter than dogs?" - Signed, "Someone sitting very near you". - This way, dummy.
ga150813 -- The world does not revolve around you, Garfield. - - That would take too long! Hey!
ga150814 -- I had tuna salad for lunch. - And now I'm afraid my breath smells like tuna. - Kiss me, you fool!
ga150815 -- I'm going mountain climbing. Don't try to talk me out of it. - sniff - Good point- I'll stay home. I'll put the tea kettle on.
ga150816 -- - - - - - ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz - My, do you look lovely tonight.
ga150817 -- I'm getting a headache. - My headache is getting worse! - Now it's getting better! Coincidence.
ga150818 -- Are you going to share that? - Share what? - That! Whoa! You should talk faster!
ga150819 -- grr - That's all I got. Wow... - In the good lold days they would always bark at you AND clean your windshield.
ga150820 -- Garfield, we watch too much television. - We need a break. - It'll be up soon. Where's the remote?
ga150821 -- - Uh-oh! - That's the "you're-due-for-a-shot" smile.
ga150822 -- Hi! I'm from outer space! Where in outer space? - Mars. - Big deal! That's only SORT of outer space.
ga150823 -- - Not so close, Odie. - I SAID - NOT SO CLOSE!!! - sheesh - - **
ga150824 -- We should take up meditation. Great idea. - Z - That's nit meditation. Wha?-You woke me before I achieved a hogher state of consciousness.
ga150825 -- It's a beautiful day outside! - - Unless my phone hasn't updated.
ga150826 -- Who knows what the future holds? - Or the past, for that matter... - Or RIGHT NOW?! Jon has attention issues.
ga150827 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, do you think a dog will ever walk on mars?" - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Yes, but only after they make a really long leash.
ga150828 -- The jungle cat patiently waits for his prey to pass by. - Aha! - Here comes the pizza guy now!
ga159829 -- I don't climb trees until they are tall enough. - - Are you getting shorter? Uh...maybe.
ga150830 -- Oh, Garfield... - Garfield, do you have any idea what happened to the last slice of leftover pizza? - No, wait! Let me guess! - You ate it, but aliens made you do it...RIGHT?! - - - He's onto us. Hey, that was the LAST slice?!
ga150831 -- Garfield! Z ** - You can't sleep your life away! I know... - I'm trying to sleep yours away.
ga150901 -- Don't swat me! - Okay. - - Now what? I thought you knew.
ga150902 -- Hee hee hee What's so funny? - You know that donut you ate this morning? Yes? - I hid your vitamin in it! This one?
ga150903 -- Even though cats are basicall yloners... - We do crave company. - So, how was your day?
ga150904 -- The milk left in my bowl... - After I eat my cereal... - Is better than the cereal. Explain THAT, science!
ga150905 -- BEWARE OF DOG - -
ga150906 -- Z - Z** - YAWN - scratch scratch scratch - Uh-oh... - Nap time! - I swear, there just aren't enough hours in the day.
ga150907 -- Dinner! - - Could somebody please tilt the house that way?
ga150908 -- Z - CANARY LASAGNA! - MAn! You never know when genius will strike!
ga150909 -- - Please don't bury your bones there. -
ga150910 -- First up, Tiger, from Bloated Tick, Tennessee, and Snowball, from Bunny Lung, Oregon! - HACK HAAACK - My favorite show..."So you think you have hairballs"
ga150911 -- Did you miss me? - Uh... You didn't notice I was gone, did you? - Don't be silly...uh... Arlene!
ga150912 -- Meow! Meow! Meow! - Meow! Meow! - And just what are you doing, Garfield? With extra cheese, please.
ga150913 -- - Psst...so is that the monster? No, that's not him. - ...is THAT the the monster? Nope. - ...okay, so then is THAT the monster? No. - I'm going for popcorn. Okay. - - Did I miss the monster?
ga150914 -- Don't judge me! - - Unless, of course, you think I'm really great.
ga150915 -- Garfield, you've got a lot to learn about being nice. - I know. - That's my favorite excuse.
ga150916 -- Let's just SAY I barked at you today. Okay. - Because, frankly, I have better things to do. Same here. - Z Z
ga150917 -- I regret nothing! - - I wish I hadn't said that. ba-da * ching!
ga150918 -- I'm cutting down on cookies. - -
ga150919 -- Who wants to go hiking through the mountains? - What a fun thought, Jon! Permit me to step away for a moment to ponder your proposal. - Z
ga150920 -- - Pooky's looking pretty ditry there, Garfield... - Would you mind if I run him through the wash? Not at all. - I promise it won't take long. Not to worry...I'll be just fine. - * - - 
ga150921 -- I think I'll go spend some time with Jon. - Z - I needed the sleep.
ga150922 -- You know what I hate? I hate spiders. - Oh, me, too! - You ARE a spider. I mean all those other guys.
ga150923 -- I present, in its entirety, Giacomo Puccini's "La Boheme". - MROOOWRR - One man's opera is another man's caterwaul.
ga150924 -- I keep hearing strange sounds bladup boog buneek - gloop gurgle gleep - Must be getting close to lunchtime. What say ye? yurp
ga150925 -- Liz is angry with me for some reason. - I forgot something or other. - Like a birthday, or whatever. Women are so detail oriented.
ga150926 -- The guy across the street has a parrot who can talk! - Yeah, I met him. - I found him to be an affable fellow, albeit chewy.
ga150927 -- - Meow. Meow. - Meow. Meow. - Meow. Meow. - MEOW! MEOW! -  MEOW! MEOW! - Ant just what are we arguing about? I haven't the foggiest idea.
ga150928 -- - What's going on? Nothing. - That's why I'm smiling.
ga150929 -- On a clear day you can see... - - A shirtless fat guy mowing his lawn.
ga150930 -- - THIS IS NOT A TRICK. REALLY! - The coyotes in this neighborhood aren't very clever.
ga151001 -- ...and I lived happily ever after! - The End - The best books are the ones you write yourself.
ga151002 -- SMOOOOCH! - I was just kissing Liz good night. Thanks for the clarification. - Sounded like someone unclogging a toilet.
ga151003 -- Here, kitty. - Here, Kitty. HERE, KITTY, KITTY! - HEY, CAT!! He hears you.
ga151004 -- * ping - Feed me :-) :-) :-) - It's not even close to dinnertime. Forget it. - But I'm hungry. Feed me. :-( :-( - I said no, and that's FINAL. - Feed me NOW 8-0 - I save that one for just such occasions.
ga151005 -- The world is passing me by. - - Though not without some effort.
ga151006 -- Storms were dangerous on the farm. - They spook the herd. - Ever been in a chicken stampede? I'm going to have nightmares.
ga151007 -- - BONK! - Apple? No, thanks. They give me a headache.
ga151008 -- Fun follows me wherever I go. - Hurry up!
ga151009 -- Let's discuss our feelings. I'm hungry. - Try again. I'm sleepy. - Try again. Choose one, lady, I only have two feelings.
ga151010 -- Today's subject... "Cats: Why are they such losers?" - Let's ask the experts... - Arf! Oh, THAT panel isn't very biased.
ga151011 -- click - ...do you own a cat? Yes. - ...does it have zero respect for you? Does it consider you its personal slave? Yes...yes... - ...does it take you for granted? Does it walk all over you? Does it treat you like dirt? Yes! Yes! Yes! - ...and
ga151011 -- do you love your cat? - - YES! Go make me a sandwich.
ga151012 -- I should slow doen and take it easy. - - Maybe later.
ga151013 -- YAWN! - Uh-oh...my jaw locked! - Guess what happened to me! How should I know?!
ga151014 -- You're shedding cat hair on the lawn. - Some call it cat hair. - I call it mulch.
ga151015 -- People are superior to cats. Okay, and why is that? - Because...uh, because... Yes? - Because WE are taller than you. WE are as tall as we want to be.
ga151016 -- ...and that's how I spent my day. - How did you spend YOUR day? Listening to YOU talk about YOUR day. - I knew that I was going to regret it the second I said it.
ga151017 -- I am the king of cats. - - I guess dweebs need a king, too.
ga151018 -- - - schlurp - - - mmmmmmmm - Pumpkin spice latte. mmmmmmmmmmm
ga151019 -- - I declare today a holiday! - Z
ga151020 -- - Check me out! - Thought I'd give the world a thrill.
ga151021 -- If only I could travel back through time. - I wouldn't be stuck here... - Without a snack.
ga151022 -- Watermelon slices make tasty treats. - And the rinds make lovely hats. - And gluing the seeds to your eyebrows tells people that you are a fun personage! Craft people are strange.
ga151023 -- glug glug glug - Someone's been in the refrigerator. - Are you drinking ketchup? Shouldn't you be shopping?
ga151024 -- Halt! Who goes there?! - HALT, I SAY! - I need a bigger badge.
ga151025 -- - - - - Sigh - I love fall... - It's so peaceful.
ga151026 -- News flash! Space aliens have landed! - They have taken over the earth! - And they really don't like cats. I hate mondays.
ga151027 -- Count Dracula? I thought you were dead! - I was, but I'm feeling much better now... - Now that I'm taking these new chewable vitamins! Product endordement.
ga151028 -- The monster uses his incredible strength! - RRRRR! - But he still can't get that jar open. Monsters love pickles.
ga151029 -- I've DONE IT, Igor! Done what, Master?! - I've transplanted the brain of a cat into an elephant! - Do you realize what this means?! You're gonna need a bigger litter box.
ga151030 -- Trevor? Yes, babs? - We need to talk. YAAHH! - ...about US. YAH! YAH! YAAAAHHH!! Bachelor horror theater.
ga151031 -- I am a ghost cat! - And I am here to haunt your house! - Z Spooky...
ga151101 -- ** DING-DONG - Hi! Our car broke down in the storm...could we spend the night here? But uv courze, pleeze come een. - I'm Cindy, and this is Tiffany! And you can call me "Count". - What do you do, Mr. Count?! I'm a...veb designer, and you? -
ga151101 -- We're professional neck models! ...say vat? - Neck models! Watch, we'll pose for you! Zis is zee greatest night of my life! I love movies with happy endings.
ga151102 -- Z - You can't sleep more than 24 hours a day, Garfield. I accept that challenge! - Z Z
ga151103 -- It's my EXACT double! - Can't stop to chat...I'm busy doing good deeds! - More like my evil opposite.
ga151104 -- I have a new motto... - "What could go wrong?" - ...says Jon as his chair collapses.
ga151105 -- Jon has a problem or two. - Are knees supposed to bend this way? - ...or three.
ga151106 -- BURP! - You are crude! - I are Garfield!
ga151107 -- Do you think I'll be rich someday? - Well, Jon, in this crazy day and age anything could happen... - Except that, of course.
ga151108 -- bzzzzz - bzzzzz - bzzzzz That's just my phone. I have set it on "vibrate". - Isn't THAT your phone? - bzzzzz - zzzzz zzzz ZZZZ ZZZZ ZZZZ - YAAAHHH! YAAAHHH! YAAAHHH! YAAAHHH! Aren't you going to answer your bee?
ga151109 -- Z Time to get up. - Z TIME TO GET UP! - Z E TO T UP!
ga151110 -- * ring ring ring - I'm going to take that bell and burn it! - This is going on your evaluation!
ga151111 -- - - 
ga151112 -- I am a cat of great dignity. - BURP - And soda.
ga151113 -- Liz is great. Yes, she is. - And she likes me. Yes, she does. - So, why? I can't explain it either.
ga151114 -- I believe that things happen for a reason. - I put mustard on my ice cream! - Even if it's a really stupid reason.
ga151115 -- - Wow. - It hasn't been this dull around here in a long time. - Remember how it used to be? - It was dull around here 24/7. - We'd sit around for so long our legs would go numb! - Only Jon could get nostalgic about boredon. And you, crawling
ga151115 -- after the ice cream truck, going, "WAIT! WAIT!"
ga151116 -- Cheer up, Garfield. Try thinking happy thoughts. Okay. - Slave dogs bearing deep-fried everything... - Jon is a genius!
ga151117 -- Meow - What's that? You say you're NOT hungry? - Nope. That wasn't it.
ga151118 -- No. - A thousand times no. - It is not wise to loan a newspaper to a dog.
ga151119 -- - BURP! - Was that thunder?! Pepperoni.
ga151120 -- I'm willing to shar emy feelings. I'm willing to share my popcorn. - Already ate it. - Great! Now I have to share my feelings! Not with me, pal.
ga151121 -- - - Lasagna's better anyway...it never flies south for the winter.
ga151122 -- - Here, turkey, turkey, turkey... - Heeere, turkey, turkey, turkey. - Where IS that turkey? - HEEEEERE, turkey, turkey, turkey. - - I owe you big time. Just have the suit dry-cleaned.
ga151123 -- Garfield, getting you up is like eating soup with a fork. - Like eating peas with a knife. - You're up... I can't sleep through food analogies.
ga151124 -- I demand respect! - Have a burger. - Close enough.
ga151125 -- Okay, Garfield...fetch! - CLONK - You have no interest in fetching a stick, do you? Stick, no. Pizza, yes.
ga151126 -- See food. - Eat food. - Life really isn't that complicated.
ga151127 -- What would hapen... - If I tried to be a failure... - And failed? We'd be rich!
ga151128 -- In quiet moments my mind goes to another place. - A happy place. Not the Polka Palace. The Polka Palace!
ga151129 -- VROOOOOOOM - SCREEEEECH! - KA-CHOW! KA-CHOW! KA-CHOW! - POW! POW! AAAGH! - BOOOOOM!!! - Can we watch MY show for a while? Sure! click - Oh, my dearest... SNOOORRE
ga151130 -- - - I'm a man of few words. Still too many.
ga151201 -- I'm going to adopt a more positive attitude toward life. - - In spite of you. I accept that challenge.
ga151202 -- Welcome to Garfield's Science Fiction Theater! - How long do I have to wear these? - For 26 episodes, or until I stop thinking it's funny.
ga151203 -- STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - Run, everyone! - Rats... Bigfoot can never sneak up on anybody.
ga151204 -- I like a guy with a sense of humor. - - Know anybody like that? No.
ga151205 -- I'm behaving myself today. - Whoa... - It's a lot like just sitting here.
ga151206 -- - Dear Santa, - - I have been good all year. Please bring me lots of presents. Love, Garfield - - send - Sometimes you just nail it on the first draft!
ga151207 -- It's time to decorate the tree! Woo-hoo! - I'll help! - Too much cat hair. Is that possible?
ga151208 -- I remember christmases back on the farm. - Sigh... - Ever flock an udder? Not on purpose.
ga151209 -- Tonight's yuletide nightmare? Yup-per. I'm the christmas carol that's stuck in your head. - - And you? I'm the fruitcake that's stuck in your teeth.
ga151210 -- You must be tonight's christmas nightmare. Correctamundo - I am tech support for your new electronic gift. - That doesn't sound so bad. Your current wait time is 432 minutes.
ga151211 -- Are you tonight's christmas nightmare? Oh, boy, am I ever! - I'm Santa's naughty list! - Am *I* on you? Does an elf eat candy canes for breakfast?
ga151212 -- Ho! Ho! Ho! Spider Claus knows if you've been good or bad! - SCHWACK - Okay, now I'd call that "bad".
ga151213 -- - Sigh What's wrong, Jon? - I just never know what to get you for christmas, Liz. - Oh, Jon, it's sweet of you to worry, but I'm sure I'll love ANYTHING you get me. - Really? Really. - - One socket wrench set... Make it earrings.
ga151214 -- Garfield - Garfield - I guess you CAN wrap a hug.
ga151215 -- Garfield! Garrr-field! - BURRRP - Garfield, are you in there? Ain't nobody here but us winky lights.
ga151216 -- Why is Garfield in my christmas tree, Liz? - Lots of cats do that, Jon...they like bright, shiny things. - And the signal is better up here.
ga151217 -- The smell of these freshly baked cookies will get Garfield out of the christmas tree. - ka-THUMP ka-THUMP ka-THUMP ka-THUMP ka-THUMP -
ga151218 -- So what are you getting me for Christmas, Odie? - ...a bone? - Don't look at me...I didn't tell her!
ga151219 -- On christmas eve, Spider Claus will fly around the world in his sleigh... - Pulled by six tiny gnats, and a team leader with a bright red light! - Rudolph? No, a lightning bug named Blinky.
ga151220 -- Z - Good evening! I'm tonight's christmas nightmare! - You know those presents that you have to put together? Yeah. - Well, *I'M* the one bolt that's always missing from the hardware packet! - BWAH-HA! HA! HA! HAAAAHHHHHH!! - - And what are
ga151220 -- you? The assembly instructions printed in Swahili.
ga151221 -- This shouldn't take long. - FIVE MINUTES LATER: - Help. Smile for the Internet.
ga151222 -- slam! - Well THAT was a bust. - I got a ticket for disturbing the heavenly peace. I TOLD you not to go caroling.
ga151223 -- We're excited about christmas! You two are just silly! - -
ga151224 -- Tonight I WILL wait up for Santa... - This is the year I'm FINALLY gonna catch him i the act! - Z click
ga151225 -- My christmas wish is for peace on earth. - That's really beautiful, Jon. - I wonder what Garfield's wish would be. For it to rain donuts!
ga151226 -- Well, christmas is over... - Time to put away this sweater. blink blink blink - I'll get the shovel. blink blink
ga151227 -- - - - - Would you boys like a nibble? No, no...we're fine, thanks. - * ding-dong! - GNASH BITE URP SNARF GULP CHOMP GRRRR
ga151228 -- That was a great vacation. - I can't believe it's over already. - Oh well, back to the old grind.
ga151229 -- Fellow fleas, our travels are over! - We have journeyed this vast cat. - And we will settle here! I hope their crops fail.
ga151230 -- Nothing but hopelessness and despair lies before me. - - And now it's behind me.
ga151231 -- I didn't go shopping, Garfield. - We're having leftovers tonight. - What year do you prefer? I'm rather fond of 1978.
ga160101 -- Jon's looking at his photo album. - Farm memories... - The livestock section.
ga160102 -- I just found a box with some of my old toys! - My brother and I used to fight over the action figures, so mom made us divide them up. - I got the heads. They must have had some fascinating conversations.
ga160103 -- sniiifffff - ah - AH - AHHH - CHOO!! - sniff Excuse me. Thanks for sharing, Garfield.
ga160104 -- Garfield, let's go outside and play fetch. - - I'll get the ball. I thought you were kidding!
ga160105 -- - - Ask me what I did today. Let me guess...
ga160106 -- You're going to use that pathetic puppy face to beg for food? - - How's this? Is this right?
ga160107 -- The world is a horrible place! - Dinner. - Well, it WAS!
ga160108 -- Liz, life is like a giant pan of lasagna... - And Garfield got to the table before we did. - What are you saying, Jon? We'll have to eat out. Burp!
ga160109 -- We house cats seem to be nice, but we still have all our primal insticts intact. - Yes, the savage blood of our jungle forefathers yet courses through our veins as we venture off to the hunt. - Oh, taxi!
ga160110 -- - - - * - ***************** - ? - *
ga160111 -- I think I'll get up. - - I THINK a lot of things.
ga160112 -- ACHOO! - BRAAAAP! - I hate it when you're sick! Oh, I'm sorry, is this your sweater?
ga160113 -- "Dear ask a dog." - "Why are you guys always smelling stuff?" - Just answer the question! sniff sniff
ga160114 -- Let's do something. - Again?! - We did something LAST week!
ga160115 -- Liz says I have too much cologne on. What do you think? - THUD - Guess so. Hey! My felas are gone!
ga160116 -- Jon says wormth escapes through your head. - - If ever there was an argument for frostbite...
ga160017 -- - It's snowing! - It's SNOWING!! - IT'S SNOWING!! - IT'S... - - cold.
ga160118 -- Have you missed me, world? - - I didn't miss YOU, either.
ga160119 -- It's been nice visiting with you. - Guess I'll go home to the wife and eggs. - A little bird humor there. Very little.
ga160120 -- - ZIP - Being friendly is Odie's worst trait.
ga160121 -- Some say I'm lazy... - But I digest food while I'm asleep. - And just what are you doing? Multitasking, baby!
ga160122 -- Do you think I'm good enough for Liz? - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - You're the wrong guy to ask. Oh, I think I laugh for everyone.
ga160123 -- I love you, Richard! - Who's "Richard"? - I mean "Russell". Just don't forget to feed the cat, lady.
ga160124 -- Hmmmmm... - Oh, look, Garfield! Our trip to the beach! - - - - - That was SO much fun...we should go again!
ga160125 -- Time for bed. - - Look at me...I forgot to get up today!
ga160126 -- There's never a dull moment around here. - Hey, Garfield, wanna watchm e sort socks? - ...a dull LIFETIME, yes.
ga160127 -- Guess who? - Hi, Garfield. - How'd you know? Who else would have paws that smell like peanut butter?
ga160128 -- Lunch has officially ended as of... - Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp - Now. You're disgusting.
ga160129 -- Guess what Garfield and I did yesterday. Stared off into space? - - Well, not the WHOLE day. We took nap breaks.
ga160130 -- I would like to climb a mountain, or swim an ocean. - BAT - Even better!
ga160131 -- RIIINNNG * Hello? - Skiing?...really?! SURE, Liz! I haven't been skiing in AGES! - See you later, Garfield! SLAM! - i:00 PM - 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM click - Tonight's top story: "Mayhem on the bunny slope"!
ga160201 -- I should get up. - - It takes a big cat to admit when he's made a mistake.
ga160202 -- I'm in a great mood! - That's annoying. - And it just keeps getting better!
ga160203 -- "Dear ask a dog"... - "Grrrrrr!" - Please, no hate mail.
ga160204 -- - Somebody put this green thing on my sandwich. - This is lettuce. Name it, take it to a movie, keep it as a pet, but I'm not eating it!
ga160205 -- We're going for a run. - Cool. - I'm going for a just-lie-here.
ga160206 -- A double cheeseburger with a baked potato... - Instead of french fries. - Oh, how I suffer.
ga160207 -- - - - - SCHLUCK - Ahhhhhhhhh - Cocoa always tastes better after you've built a snowman.
ga160208 -- - Cheeseburger. - And THAT'S how you do a sit-up. I don not believe this morning is going to end well for you, Jon.
ga160209 -- That cloud looks like a meat loaf... - And that one looks like an appl pie. - What's the weather like? Delicious.
ga160210 -- Mmmmm. - Cheese with cheese on it. - Mice are so uncomplicated.
ga160211 -- You never take me anywhere but this fence. - I think of this as "our place". - How sweet! I'm also cheap.
ga160212 -- * smoooch - Mmm. Goodnight kisses are wonderful! . Don't make me slap you...
ga160213 -- **ROWR! - - More complaints from the neighbors. I can't get any louder!
ga160214 -- - I'm writing a love letter, guys. Listen... "Love is like an ostrich"... No, make that "A pipe wrench"... No, how about this... - "I would walk to the ends of the earth for you...or at least Ohio". - That's not right, either! What can I say
ga160214 -- to Liz to tell her how much I love her?! RIP! RIP! RIP!  How about "I love you"? I love you? - I love you. I love you. - SMOOOOCH *
ga160215 -- I've seen it all. - - If it's on the ceiling.
ga160216 -- - - Anything interesting outside? Not since I came in.
ga160217 -- - - And you think I'VE gained weight!
ga160218 -- I'm cold. - Jon?! - Would you turn the winter down, please?
ga160219 -- I could never be a superhero because I don't look good in tights. - THAT'S the reason? - Are you saying I DO look good in tights? Please don't encourage him!
ga160220 -- I'm always looking for ways to improve my brain. - Hmmm... - Have you considered a fresh coat of paint?
ga160221 -- - - - - - 1000 DINGLE BALLS - Nightmare? No more jalapeno poppers before bed.
ga160222 -- Nothing can stop me! - - Or start me.
ga160223 -- Stay tuned for more me. - - And now, slightly less me.
ga160224 --  - - How do you like it when *I'M* late for a date? I ate your dinner.
ga160225 -- Check it out, Garfield. - My collection is almost complete! - Just one more fingernail! Is winter over?
ga160226 -- You're the best girlfriend ever! - And you're the best pet ever! - WE could do better.
ga160227 -- The world could use more rainbows and butterflies. Jon was under the sink fixing a leak... - And hopping bunnies. When Odie jumped on him... - Real cute ones! And that's how he got the concussion.
ga160228 -- - - - - CAMERA - - Oh, Garfield.
ga160229 -- I had a really, really good day! - - That guy sure looked a lot like Jon.
ga160301 -- You should try taking a candy bar out of its wrapper before you eat it. - Oooo... - Fancy.
ga160302 -- Oh, how I suffer! - Check that. - Oh, how I make others suffer!
ga160303 -- So ask yourself... - What is the difference between a winner and a loser? - A winner does not scream into his security blanket. Oops. Loser.
ga160304 -- Sometimes dreams do come true. - Z - Nope. You're still not a pepperoni pizza.
ga160305 -- My aunt Edna has a bad habit. - She was a finger licker. - But not her own. A lonely, lonely woman.
ga130306 -- - - FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP - LAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FL - LAPFLAPFLAPFLAPFLAPFLAPFL - PFLAPFLAPFLAPFLAPFLAPFLAP - What's it like out there? March.
ga160307 -- Why does everything go wrong?! - - Oh, yeah.
ga160308 -- I'm not perfect. - - I'm picking up your sarcasm, Garfield. And, for good measure...
ga160309 -- ECHO POINT Meow. - Oink. - I'm not fat!
ga160310 -- It says "ignore an irritant and it will go away". - - Liars. Any other suggestions?
ga160311 -- Ow. Ow. Ow. - Breathe! Don't faint! Don't faint! Don't faint! - Ow ow ow ow ow! Happes every time Jon removes a bandage.
ga160312 -- See my wallet photos, Garfield? - One of Liz...one of you and Odie... - And Mary Everes Boodle. The inventor of string art.
ga160313 -- Hmmmm... - Chinese? Nah...Italian? - Nah... Sushi? Nah... Mexican? - Nah... Burgers? Nah... Pizza? - I know! Why don't we just do Tofu? SAY...that's a - GAH - ...terrible idea. Ribs?
ga160314 -- Z - GAH! - Waking up is an annoying way to start a day.
ga160315 -- What's that, Fluffy? Meow meow - What are you trying to tell me, Fluffy? MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! - I wish I could understand you, Fluffy. He says he hates being called "Fluffy".
ga160316 -- Arf - CUT! - You couldn't memorize that?
ga160317 -- The universe is enormous. - Big deal. Tell me something interesting. - Like, how much of it is frosting?
ga160318 -- This is nice. - Yes, it is. - HOW CAN IT BE NICE IF WE'RE NOT EATING, YOU WEIRDOS?!
ga160319 -- Z - Z - Z Might as well go to bed.
ga160320 -- - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - What a funny video! Replay - That cat is so fat, he gets stuck in the pet door! - Garfield's gotta see this...hey, GARFIELD! - CRAAAAAACK RIIIIP - Yes?
ga160321 -- YAWN! - Bored? - Boring?
ga160322 -- I've got some paperwork to do. - Jon? Paperwork? - Ah.
ga160323 -- I'm going to write my autobiography! - - All done. What took you so long?
ga160324 -- I bought you kitty diet food. - PLUNK - That has to last. You are not going to like tomorrow's headline.
ga160325 -- You look sleepy. - Darn... - I was going for sleepy-but-handsome.
ga160326 -- I can't believe how lazy you are. - I'm not surprised. - Jon was also shocked to find out the world is round.
ga160327 -- More tea, Poopsie? Yes, Snoogums. - Oh, Rathbone, this picnic was a SPLENDID idea! I thought you'd enjoy it, Mimsy... - I do so AWFULLY love you, you know. Oh, Ratsy, I'm so ridiculously happy! - Wow, Jon...YOU picked this movie? I thought it
ga160327 -- was one we could all enjoy. - ...and I love beiong out here with you, and the sun, and the clouds, and the birds, and the grass, and the trees... - And the 50-foot ants... - YAAAAHHHHH!! Here's the part WE like.
ga160328 -- Not all cats are lazy you know, Garfield. - I agree. - There are also the liars.
ga160329 -- I'm not afraid of a challenge. - - As long as it doesn't come in the house.
ga160330 -- Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - - Please don't encourage him!
ga160331 -- The world seems to be getting along without you. Okay. - - How about now?
ga160401 -- Let's order dessert. Shh. Not so loud. - What do you mean? - Jon! Liz! Imagine running into you here!
ga160402 -- Through hard work, we will succeed. - - We will not succeed.
ga160403 -- - - squeak squeak squeak - mew mew mew - bark bark bark - - moo moo moo
ga160404 -- - You're missing out an awful lot. - That's kind of the idea.
ga160505 -- I demand my rights! - - With chocolate syrup!
ga160406 -- - BARK! - That IS a dog.
ga160407 -- Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. - - Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.
ga160408 -- You know who's a good kisser? No. - Liz. - You know HOW I know? How come we never discuss sports?!
ga160409 -- zzzzzz YAWN - zzzzzz YAAAWWNNN zzzzzz - It might've been funny to you, but not so much to me. zzzzzz
ga160410 -- Right this way... - Now, next I'll be showing you a four-leg, two-ear condo. It's a perfect flea starter home. - The grounds are lovely. Yes, they're all maintained by the Hoeowner's Association...and here's the unit. - Ooh, how retro. We
ga160410 -- call this "mid-century-modern cat." Older, but still quite stylish. - Why are the owners selling? They're a couple of ticks who are retiring and moving to a greyhound in Florida. - Honey, I love this place...we should buy it! Okay! Fantastic!
ga160410 -- - Let's go back to my office, and we'll write up an offer! I have a Homeowner's Association?
ga160411 -- Why don't you just lie there and do nothing? - Consider it done! - I was being sarcastic. Sorry, no longer listening.
ga160412 -- - I have a can of frosting and two spoons. - You do know how to enter a room.
ga160413 -- Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf... pat pat pat - Z - What kind of introduction is that?
ga160414 -- Sometimes when you're down in the dumps... - I mean, WAY down in the dumps... - You find a cookie!
ga160415 -- Garfield, I'm going out with Liz. - Cool. I'll stay here with the food. -
ga160416 -- - - The last time he smiled like that was when he bought the cheap cat food.
ga160417 -- Um... - Jon, there's a spring gardening show downtown today...would you like to go? - Seriously? Uh, yes... - Sure! Really? - Absolutely! Just give me a second! - Wow. That was easier than I thought. - What is it? Just grab your purse, and
ga160417 -- run like the wind.
ga160418 -- I never seem to get anything done. - Me neither. - And I'M trying. You got me there.
ga160419 -- I could be an action hero. - - But I've got the wrong kind of shoes. I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON!
ga160420 -- AROOOOOO! - OOOOOOO! - Why is Odie howling at a balloon? No moon tonight.
ga160421 -- - Ants... - I'm hoping they know where there's a picnic.
ga160422 -- I wanted to be a cowboy when I grew up. Aw. - You must have been a cute little boy. - I didn't tell her it was last thursday. You were still wearing the hat friday.
ga160423 -- My car ran out of gas today. - THREE times! - How is that even possible?! Did you know cats don't leave fingerprints?
ga160424 -- - He can't see me, for I have ninja skills. - I have stealth and cunning... - I have the element of surprise... - * BWING - SMACK - Aaaand...I have a text from mom.
ga160425 -- And THIS is why a cat will never be president. - - Whew!
ga160426 -- Spring is in the air, Garfield. - And look at you, smiling. - You have spring fever! I just ate a songbird.
ga160427 -- YIP! - shoop - Where's Odie? I dunno. He said something about termintes and left.
ga160428 -- Uh... - What? You're doing that wong. - Hey! Who's the spider here?!
ga160429 -- I told Liz about that terrible thing you did. - Uh... - Could you be more specific?
ga160430 -- I spend most of my day barking at stuff. - That's cool... - And I thought I was special.
ga160501 -- - Every day is just like another around here. - * I'VE DECIDED TO SIIIING EVERYTHING I SYA! ** - ** ISN'T THAT GREEEEAT? * - - * YESSSSS, IT IIIIIIS! * - Mmmmph. Why can't every day be just like another around here?
ga160502 -- After a long day of doing nothing, it's good to relax. - Although it's hard to know where one ends and the other begins.
ga160503 -- - - We've had a lot of rain.
ga160504 -- - - Okay, okay. So you don't need me.
ga160505 -- I had a busy, busy day. - And I'll hve another one tomorrow. - You would make a terrible cat.
ga160506 -- Where should we go on out vacation, Garfield? - The kitchen! - I don't know why I talk to you. We can set up a tent next to the refrigerator.
ga160507 -- ...then Liz called a paramedic. - And I was trying to tell her... - That's just how I dance! Have you considered that she may have called the paramedic for herself?
ga160508 -- * * * - * * * - - - - sigh - ptoo - * - * 
ga160509 -- If spiders didn't exist, who would care? - Hel-LO?!... - My mom!
ga160510 -- - BURP! - That was unnecessary! The cabbage and onions beg to differ.
ga150611 -- Don't tell Odie, but sometimes I enjoy being around the little fella. - - Me and my big thought balloon...
ga160512 -- Jon has his faults. - I HAVE FLEAS! - And one of mine.
ga160513 -- I like you, Garfield. - - I'm going to bake some cookies. And I LOVE you, lady!
ga160514 -- Someday I'd like to walk on the moon. - Cool. - Bring back a pizza with extra cheese.
ga160515 -- Garfield - - - Yes, there's no cherry on top of your food. - That's because we HAVE no cherries. - And if you think I'm going out cherry shopping just for you, you're NUTS! - We have those by the jar, you know.
ga160516 -- My coffee is cold. Duh, Jon. It's iced coffee. - - And there's somethig in it. Ice.
ga160517 -- You know what this world needs? - More cat hair! On it! - I was being sarcastic! Too late.
ga160518 -- Odie wrote an essay about how dogs are better than cats. - Burp - And then he ate it.
ga160519 -- Does anyone want to borrow my copy of "Swatting Spiders" magazine? - No, thank you. - Already seen it.
ga160520 -- Arlene, I've written a love poem. - Would you like to hear it? - Is it to yourself? It's entitled "Orange is the new sexy".
ga160521 -- There might be a few things I'm not good at. - With one glaring exception... - You, sir, are a genius at understatement.
ga160522 -- Calculating route... - Proceed up back steps, and through pet door. - Continue across living room, and turn right into hallway. - Proceed down hallway for twenty yards, then bear left. - Continue for eleven feet. You have reached your
ga160522 -- destination. - Wow, this thing really works. - I asked for directions to Nirvana.
ga160523 -- Z - ENCORE! ENCORE! - Z
ga160524 -- You lack class. - Nonsense... - BURP!
ga160525 -- Cats are sophisticated. - PANT! PANT! PANT! PANT! PANT! PANT! PANT! PANT! - Dogs, not so much.
ga160526 -- BURP - And just when you thought that it couldn't get any better... - BURP!
ga160527 -- Hello, doctor. - Everything's fine. - The less she knows, the better.
ga160528 -- - Toothpaste on a saltine? Uh, no, thanks. - And no grocery shopping!
ga160529 -- - Sigh... - I feel fat, Garfield. - You?... fat?! ...Nonsense! - You are NOT fat, Liz! - Trust me, if anyone knows what fat is, *I* should know! - See? Now THAT'S fat!
ga160530 -- Remember the old days, when we were bored all the time? Yeah. - This is just like that. Yeah. - It's nice to know we still got it. You da man.
ga160531 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Oh, pew! - Your breath is awful! - He says that like it's a bad thing.
ga160601 -- Here I am...hopelessly stuck up this tree... - Garfield! Cocoa! - With a marshmallow?!
ga160602 -- - A hole in one! THWOCK! - 
ga160603 -- Liz likes ME more than she likey YOU. - - Liz also likes broccoli!
ga160604 -- I'll never forget the time I bumped my head. - I'll never forget the time I bumped my head. - I'll never forget the time I bumped my head. TRY!
ga160605 -- - I'm going on a hike, Garfield. - Yes, out into the wilderness... - MAN AGAINST NATURE! - - THUD - Little help? Perhaps you should make camp there for the night.
ga160606 -- And them mom said, "Stay and have another cup of tea, Jonny." And I said, "No, thanks, mom. Gotta go home and bore the cat" Ha! Ha! - - Garfield? Z
ga160607 -- Whenever I'm having a bad day... - I like to spend some time with Jon. - I don't think that these are my shoes...
ga160608 -- Swatting spiders is fun. I don't think so. - SMACK! - Are you sure? Okay, now I'm pretty sure.
ga160609 -- I'm not the same cat I used to be. - BURP! - Now I am.
ga160610 -- I've ordered us an eight-course meal! ** ding-dong - Really?! Wow! ...and here it is! - Four courses are missing. Handling charge.
ga160611 -- BURP! BURP! BURP! BURP! BURP! BURP! BURP! BURP! - ...and all is well! - I gotta get a new clock.
ga160612 -- - - - - - Want to see all your friends at once? Blow up a pool. Z Don't you drive the ice cream truck? Well, I was passing by, and...
ga160613 -- I can't remember why I walked into this room. - Maybe if I went out, and came back in. - Great. Now I can't remember why I walked into THIS room!
ga160614 -- All right, I'm ready to walk into the room again, and this time I know WHY! - - Okay, three out of five.
ga160615 -- - You forgot why you walked into this room, right? No, I didn't! - I forgot why I got out of BED this morning.
ga160616 -- I can't remember why I walked into this room. - WHACK - What was THAT for?! I hate to waste a trip.
ga160617 -- I can't remember why I walked into this room. You must be getting OLD.  SMACK - And cranky!
ga160618 -- How does that look for your birthday cake? I have one slight change. - -
ga160619 -- - * - Now I KNOW I walked into this room for a reason... - Because I wrote it down! - And THAT'S how you outsmart old age! - -
ga160620 -- OH, YEAH! - I'm eating cereal straight out of the box! - There must be a full moon.
ga160621 -- You wait here while I go get us a snack. - BWA-HA-HA-HAHH! Uh-oh. - That's his nutritious laugh.
ga160622 -- This day is off to a good start. - What a great day! Aren't you getting up? Why ruin it?
ga160623 -- I'm in the best mood ever! - KICK! - But I still take my work seriously.
ga160624 -- What have you two been up to? - We were just waiting for the prettiest girl in the world to stop by! - Awwww X You can make mine a kitty liver treat.
ga160625 -- BREAD CRUMBS! - GOBBLE GOBBLE CRUNCH CRUNCH SNARF GULP GOMP GOMP nom nom - That could've gone worse. Tell me about it. munch munch
ga160626 -- - Ahhhhh... - There's nothing like a spa on a nice summer day. - The relaxing bubbles and soothing... pant pant pant pant pant - Hey! Did I say you could take a break?! - I've gotta get that jet fixed. FFFFFFFFFFFF straws
ga160627 -- - - I like to stick with what works.
ga160628 -- I'm the last person to tell you what's wrong with this world. - ACCORDION PLAYERS RULE! - But, I have my suspicions.
ga160629 -- Odie will be filling in for me today. BOOT! - Perfect! -
ga160630 -- - It's a small world. - LIKE I HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ONE ABOUT A THOUSAND TIMES!
ga160701 -- You know what's fun? Shoe shopping! - Uh... - Uhhhh... That's good, Jon. Keep that up intil she loses interest and wanders off.
ga160702 -- Jon doesn't know much. - I can tell that you want something. Hmmm. Probably food. - But he does know just enough.
ga160703 -- Oh, Garfield, - Liza and I are going to a movie, and I won't be back until 6:00. - You won't mind if I feed you an hour late, will you? - - - - Or I could have the theater pause the movie at 4:55, and rush home. If it's not too much trouble.
ga160704 -- It's too hot to even move. - - My kind of weather.
ga160705 -- Appearently the planet Earth forgot to pay its light bill today! - What in the world does that mean? -
ga160706 -- munch munch munch - Hey! - Odie ate his own food before I could!
ga160707 -- - jog jog jog jog jog - It's good to take a break every so often.
ga160708 -- Let's just stick with the basics on our shopping list, Garfield. check - The bare essentials of survival. check - Fudge pops? checkarooni
ga160709 -- The TV remote is all across the room. - Guess there's only one thing to do. - Hope my telekinetic powers decide to kick in!
ga160710 -- - Hey, Garfield... - Do you feel like- Nope...can't. - Garfield! Want to- Sorry, I'm booked. - Not today, pal. - I love sundays... - The one day of the week when you actually make plans to do nothing!
ga160711 -- Sigh - I can't go on like this. - Now, THIS...
ga160712 -- So... - How's the summer trating you? - ...Mr. Snowman.
ga160713 -- Warm day. - - TOO warm.
ga160714 -- Sometimes I feel like life's passing me by. - AAAAAAAAANTS!!! - And I'm fine with that.
ga160715 -- Oooo-weee! Check that out! - Where have you BEEN all my life?! - What is he doing? Ogling the ice crea cones. I think I'm in LOVE!
ga160716 -- Help! I can't swim! - Ha! Ha! Just kidding! - Fish are not funny.
ga160717 -- - When I was a little girl, my family would visit my grandma's house every summer. - She had a big backyard, and every night after dinner she'd make two bowls of strawberry ice cream... - And grandma and I would sit in the backyard, eating
ga160717 -- ice cream and counting the fireflies together. - The memory of that little tradition has always made summer nights special for me. - FIREFLIES!!! - Oh, how I miss those days. 73.
ga160718 -- My life is... YAWN - I'm hoping to... YAWN! - Notice how I can finish your sentences?
ga160719 -- I think I should probably go grocery shopping. - I agree wholeheartedly. - When you get down to sucking soy sauce packets, it's time.
ga160720 -- Kiss me! Ugh! No way, you fat, ugly, disgusting pig! - SMACK! At least I'm not flat.
ga160721 -- Help! - Hey! You, at that picnic! - Throw me a sandwich!
ga160722 -- Geez, Jon, there's a lot of SUGAR and FAT on your shopping list. - Maybe you should cross off a couple of things. - I could live without the toothpaste and toilet paper.
ga160723 -- Remember when you brought me flowers? - No. - Exactly... Am I missing something?
ga160724 -- - CLICK Darn it! And we're out of light bulbs! Let's go to the store, Garfield. I'll start the car. - Why do bad things always happen to me? I am such a loser! - Congratulations! You are our MILLIONTH customer! - How does it feel to be MR.
ga160724 -- ONE MILLION?! This is the greatest moment of my life! - What a great day! Could it be that I'm no longer a loser? Could it be that I'm now a WINNER?! - CLICK Darn it! I'll start the car.
ga160725 -- I'm goimg to run around the block. - - Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal slowly.
ga160726 -- Jon is the most interesting guy I know. - I just sorted my socks! - He's the ONLY guy I know.
ga160627 -- - Time marches on. - That would not have been my guess.
ga160728 -- I'm going to throw myself a surprise party. - - Gosh, I hope I don't suspect anything. No chance of that.
ga160729 -- BAT - Excuse me... - Have you seen my ball of yarn, miss?
ga160730 -- Hark! I hear my prey approaching now! - - Gosh, I sure am hot and cheesy! I love this dream.
ga160731 -- - Uh-oh...looks like I'm out of clean shirts. - Maybe there's one in the laundry pile that's still okay. - This one doesn't look too terrible. - I'll give it the ol' sniff test. - SNIIIIIIFFFFFFF - Yeah...that's not bad. I'll warn Liz.
ga160801 -- - ZOMBIE CAT! - Only until I have that first cup of coffee.
ga160802 -- Hey! - Stop watching this! - Go outside and exercise! I love comedy.
ga160803 -- Oh, no! - I'm going to kick Odie off the table! - If only there was a way to prevent it! KICK!
ga160804 -- I've seen this twenty times. - - Fell asleep nineteen.
ga160805 -- When Liz gets here, be nice. Okay. - SLAP! - I said, "BE NICE"! "WHEN LIZ GETS HERE"!
ga160806 -- - KNOCK IT OFF, SUMMER! - Ha, ha, ha, ha.
ga160807 -- ECHO POINT - MEOW! - - - - - BONK!
ga160808 -- An orange is a healthy fruit. - - Do you work out?
ga160809 -- Bird. - CRUNCH CRUNCH - Lawn ornamemt.
ga160810 -- fft grr - Boys! Boys! Don't be mean to each other! - fft grr Or me.
ga160811 -- - Go get him, Jon! - Go get him, Garfield! Beat you to it.
ga160812 -- ** - What's the name of that song you're whistling? "Dogs are dumb". - ** Catchy.
ga160813 -- - You're late. - But the important thing is I couldn't think of anything better to do. And you're toast!
ga160814 -- - You're nice. Why, thank you, Jon. - Really nice. How sweet. - Really, really nice. Okay. - Really, really, really nice. Yeah. - Really, really, really, really nice. Uh, Jon... - Really, really, really, really, really nice. I COULD STOP!
ga160815 -- - - I do believe you've crossed that fine line between nap and stupor. Jealous much?
ga160816 -- It's a beautiful day, isn't it, Garfield? - Garfield? - You're pathetic. It lacks plot.
ga160817 -- Odie is digging up a bone. - - Now he's finding a place to bury it.
ga160818 -- My school football team. - Before each game we'd yell our cheer... - MOMMY! Explains the losing season.
ga160819 -- Liz...what a beautiful name! - Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz... - Where are you going? To change my name to Betty.
ga160820 -- Say, are you the cat who's friend with that dog? - What if I am? - Where did I put that saw? HELP!
ga160821 -- - This is a test... - THis is a test of the Cat Emergency Broadcast System. - This is only a test. - MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOW - This has been a test of the Cat Emergency Broadcast System. Had this been an
ga160821 -- actual cat emergency, and had you been a cat... - You'd have slept through it anyway. Z
ga160822 -- YAWN - YAWN - Synchronized boredom. sigh
ga160823 -- Ever notice how clouds look like other things, Garfield? Do tell. - That cloud looks like a rabbit. - If rabbits could fly. AND WERE MADE OF WATER VAPOR!
ga160824 -- Ah-ha! - What? I saw you wag your tail when you saw me. - Stupid tail! You like me!
ga160825 -- Want to gnaw on the woodwork? - No, thanks. OKay. - Now, there's a question you don't get asked every day.
ga160826 -- - Purrrr - What a nice thing to say! I was thinking about lunch.
ga160827 -- Sandwiches are good. - But I have an improvement. - Is that a slice of cake? I call it the "dessertwich"!
ga160828 -- - Go fetch the paper, Odie! - BARK! - BARK! - bark! - - He could be most anywhere by now. He was a good ol' dog. Dibs on this treats.
ga160829 -- I sense the forces of darkness gathering. - It's diet time. - Save yourselves!
ga160830 -- I used to be a boulder. Now I'm a pebble. Hmmm. - That's it! - The erosion diet!
ga160831 -- Diet food. - - Diet food scowl.
ga160901 -- Hmm. - Is your broth thin and tasteless enough? - You have a cruel sense of humor, Jon Arbuckle.
ga160902 -- This diet is killing me. - You've been on diet before. - What's the secret? If you tickle a child, they'll drop the candy.
ga160903 -- It's bedtime. - And Jon is going to read me a bedtime story. - "Preheat the oven to 350 degrees..."
ga160904 -- Sigh - A. summer. - The clear blue sky... - The warm sun... - The cool grass... - - The hot driveway...
ga160905 -- Here's your dinner...sorry it's late. - squeeeeek - And I don't care HOW many demerits I have!
ga160906 -- - -
ga160907 -- ALA-KAZAM...SPARERIBS!! - - One of these days that's going to work.
ga160908 -- Meet my new pet, "Bob"... - The ice cream cone! - Good boy, Bob!
ga160909 -- - Z - I'm sorry if I'm boring you. Nonsense, you're just boring enough.
ga160910 -- Check out that view! - - I don't think you're checking it out. Prove it.
ga160911 -- - * SMOOCH - What was THAT for? NO reason. - No reason? Nope. - You mean I get a kiss just for SITTING here?  Yup. - - Love's pretty cool. So I've noticed.
ga160912 -- It's 11:59 PM - In one minute it will be tuesday. - If my watch stops, does it stay monday? Don't even go there.
ga160913 -- I'm nicewr to you than you are to me. - You know what, Jon? You're right. - And let's never change.
ga160914 -- - - Why is it that dogs chase things they don't really want to carch?
ga160915 -- I'm my own boss. - - And I decided to give myself the afternoon off.
ga160916 -- Come on, now...you guys need at least ONE vegetable on your shopping list. - - Onion rings. Technically a vegetable. All right, loophole boy!
ga160917 -- - SLAP - It's a cruel world.
ga160918 -- - Surrender, human! We are from the planet Clarion! - And we have come to conquer your planet and take its lettuce! - Lettuce? Our primary source of nutrition! We demand your lettuce! - Sorry, I don't have any lettuce. You don't? - I COULD
ga160918 -- order a pizza, though. A what? - Well, how did it go? We're defecting. BURP
ga160919 -- I'm working on my bored expression. - - You look bored. Yeees!
ga160920 -- They say not to go grocery shopping when you're hungry. - They say you end up buying things you don't really need. - Like a drum of peanut butter. What do "they" know?
ga160921 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - You should only bark if there's a good reason. - BARK! BARK! BARK! Is "barking for fun" a good reason?
ga160922 -- I'm staring at you. - And ignoring you at the same time. - Okay, that's creepy. Thank you.
ga160923 -- You know what I like about you, Garfield? - Oh, wow. It could be any number of things. - Not your modesty. Cool, that narrows it down.
ga160924 -- Ah, the morning stares...when the lights are on, but nobody's home. - Watch this, they won't even notice that I'm replacing their pet food with table scraps. - bump
ga160925 -- mmmmf - TLOK TLOK - mmmmmf mmmmmf - TLOK TLOK TLOK TLOK TLOK - mmmmmf sluuugh - TLOK TLOK TLOK TLOK TLOK - More peanut butter, Odie?
ga160926 -- Say... - If there's a mint on my wrist... - Then where is my watch? And why is your tummy ticking?
ga160927 -- I'm falling from a tree! - Z - A REALLY tall tree.
ga160928 -- - - First time I ever used a chainsaw. You don't say.
ga160929 -- This cereal is fortified with vitamins and minerals. - - Are we out of the kind that's fortified with sugar?
ga160930 -- I sometimes make mistakes. - Like dating Jon! - You stay out of this!
ga161001 -- - - We need a new table.
ga161002 -- huuuuuhhh . fuh fuh fuh . Get it, boy! - fuh fuh fuh fuh - fuh fuh - PAF -
ga161003 -- I am contemplating the future. - Or maybe it's the past. - Mine look a lot alike.
ga161004 -- I have feelings. No, you don't. - I really do. Oh, no, you don't! - But I don't like to talk about them. Oh, that's okay then.
ga161005 -- Time for some exercise! - SMACK! - One...
ga161006 -- I think I'll try being less cute. - - Nope, can't do it. Let me help...
ga161007 -- - - Casual friday.
gs161008 -- What is the world coming to? - - Just so it isn't doing it here.
ga161009 -- - Uh-oh... - Wait, what's he doing? - Is he drawing a picture of me? I think he is! - How cool! I'll give him a nice smile! - And what's your name? Stu! - CATCH of the DAY STU I hate him.
ga161010 -- The future is bright! - Glowing with a luminescence that fills the room! - Check that. I'm looking at a lamp.
ga161011 -- Hey, fatso! I just want you to know that you don't scare me! - I don't? Nope. Spiders have eight lives, you know. - That's eight LEGS. Oops.
ga161012 -- Pick a card, any card. - But don't... - eat it. munch munch
ga161013 -- So long! Have a good day! - I'll miss you! - The pizza guy gets a better send-off than I do. You don't bring me pepperoni.
ga161014 -- I had a busy day today. - Oh, so did we. - What did you do? Uhhh... Sorry. No follow-up questions.
ga161015 -- - Someday you will be replaced by a donut-frying robot. - What are you talking about? Progress, baby.
ga161016 -- - Nice day. - Where? - Not over here. - Not over here. - Found it! - Right under this old slice of pizza! munch munch
ga161017 -- - - I know what we can do! And another day is ruined!
ga161018 -- AROOOOOOOOOO - OOOOOOOOOOO - OOOOOOoooo Take a breath!
ga161019 -- You smell like a flower. - * - Change our soap. SMACK!
ga161020 -- - - Now what? Get a job.
ga161021 -- Garfield... Yes, Arlene? - Tuna. - Sweet talker!
ga161022 -- Look, Garfield. - We still have a clean bowl. - We won't have to do the dishes for another week! Yessss!
ga161023 -- Hmmmm... - Okay, we'll take two of the glazed, two of the chocolate... - Two of the jelly-filled...two of the twists... - Two with sprinkles...and what are those? - They have maple icing, topped with crumbled bacon. - And ten thousand of
ga161023 -- those. What about tomorrow?
ga161024 -- Ha! Ha! Ha! - There sure are a lot of cat videos on the Internet. Of course... - That's why it was invented.
ga161025 -- YAAAH! SNAKE! SNAKE! SNAKE! - Jon, it's a stick. That wa scary! YOU'RE scary.
ga161026 -- Here comes the monster up the sidewalk! - knock knock - Don't answer that! Problem solved.
ga161027 -- ROWR! YAAAH! - Don't sneak up behind me like that! Okay. - ROWR! YAAAH!
ga161028 -- - Fresh fruits and vegetables...fresh fruits and vegetables... - Vegan zombie.
ga161029 -- No! - You can't make me! - Get into your coffin, young man! Teenage Dracula.
ga161030 -- * - ** - sniff sniff - SOB! SOB! - WAAAAAAHHH - AROOOOOOOOOO - We will retorn to "Fido Loses His Squeaky Bone". Why do you whatch these things?
ga161031 -- Hug time! - YAAAH! - Followed by some quiet ice cream time.
ga161101 -- Earbuds into the drawer, and... - Abracadabra! - TA-DA!
ga161102 -- - - Have you seen my teenage son? That way.
ga161103 -- Jon admires me a lot. - You're fat. See? - He said that there's a lot of me to admire.
ga161104 -- The world existed before you were born. - And it will exist after you're gone. - Why?
ga161105 -- My chicken sandwich doesn't have any chicken in it. - If I were you, I'd be outraged. - Fortunately I'm not you.
ga161106 -- - - - sniff sniff  sniff sniff - sni- sni- - - Furnace finally kicked on.
ga161107 -- This isn't easy. - Z - THAT was.
ga161108 -- I possess many skills. - But he doesn't know what they are. - I wonder what they are.
ga161109 -- I an NOT a loser! Most of the time. - A lot of the time. Some of the time. - A little bit of the time. Keep going.
ga161110 -- Hey! - Who left the fish bones behind the couch? - Did you like that one? You do know how to ask a stupid question.
ga161111 -- Garfield, I am dieting! - Must you eat that in front of me? No. - But it enhances the enjoyment.
ga161112 -- Next add 20 cloves of garlic... - And 5 cups of chili powder and a pint of sauerkraut juice. - NOW, WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO EAT THIS!!! Worst cooking show ever.
ga161113 -- - Faster that a speeding basset hound! More powerful than an asthmatic chihuahua! - Able to leap dingleballs in a single bound! - Up on the table! It's a bird dog! It's a plane! - It's SUPER ODIE!! - BOOT! - Up, up, and awaaay!
ga161114 -- Man, I'd like to take a nap... - But I'm not sleepy. - Who wants to hear about my day? Ah, there we go.
ga161115 -- You should get some fresh air. Sure. - - Can I order that online?
ga161116 -- - BOOT! - So many dogs, so little time!
ga161117 -- I will now present the news using puppets. - Whoa! - Unless I#m mistaken, a bunny rabbit just robbed a bank.
ga161118 -- You're a good boy, Garfield. Yes, I am. - - What's HAPPENING to me?!
ga161119 -- Whoa. - I don't feel quite like myself today. - Jon's having a good day.
ga161120 -- - Who wants to go for a walk? - YIP! YIP! YIP! - YIP! YAP! YIP! YAP! - YAPPY! YAPPY! YIP! YIP! YAP! - - Coming with us? I'll wait for the limo.
ga161121 -- This whole hating mondays thing is wearing me out. I gotta adjust my attitude. - Monday is just another day, right? - I feel better already! Wanna hear the world's longest polka on the world's loudest accordion?
ga161122 -- Bark! - Hey, Odie! A little help ip here! -
ga161123 -- You're going to regret joining me up here, Odie. - What are you going to do when your arms get tired? Hmmm? - Show-off.
ga161124 -- Yesterday I saw some cats in that new dumpster behind Al's Fish Market. - The smell would curl your whiskers. - It's on 12th street. Wanna go? Absolutely!
ga161125 -- STEAK! - KLOK! - It's still frozen, Garfield! I can wait.
ga161126 -- - DOG PARK - And all the rest belongs to cats!
ga161127 -- tic tic tic tic tic - Watch this. - Username: ********* Password: ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ - *** **** !!! - WELCOME BACK, JON ARBUCKLE, Royal Platinum Level frequent customer! - How may we serve you today, your Royal Platinum Highness? Wow. - I didn't know
ga161127 -- pizza parlors had a royal platinum level. They created it just for us.
ga161128 -- I've been tossing and turning all night. - I just cannot get to sleep. - Time to get a more comfortable owner.
ga161129 -- Fetch the can opener, Odie! - Wha?!!... - Well, TECHNICALLY you're right.
ga161130 -- Sigh - I've been hanging in this tree too long. - Waaaay too long. See Historic "Cat In Tree" Souvenirs $5
ga161201 -- I got stuck up in this tree, and then guess what? - Jon saw me, and got a ladder. - And then guess what?
ga161202 -- ...and then the lion pounces! - - Do we have any canned wildebeest?
ga161203 -- schlurrrrrp - GARFIELD! Okay! Okay! - I'll make a new pot.
ga161204 -- - Dear Santa, I am writing to you as a character reference for my cat, Garfield. - Please do not judge him solely on his naughty deeds. - He really is kind and loving, with a heart of gold. I have never known another cat so selfless and
ga161204 -- noble. - I ask that you keep these things in mind when cosidering his christmas list. Sincerely yours, Jon Arbuckle. - There. - NOW may I have my car keys back? First click "Send".
ga161205 -- No mall for us this year Garfield...we're christmas shopping ONLINE! - Sounds good. Have fun. - I'll be in the food court. Get out of the refrigerator!
ga161206 -- Item is now in your shopping cart. Proceed to checkout? click - New customer? Create account and password. - I need a password to buy a cheese log?! You can use mine.
ga161207 -- View your shopping cart click - - Who put 200 boxes of microwave corn dogs in here?! Huh. That's a real poser, that one is.
ga161208 -- I need to get something for Liz. She loves animals...let's look here. - click Oops. - I'll need you to sign for the hyena, ma'am.
ga161209 -- Know the best part about christmas shopping online? - No lines, and no waiting! click - Processing order
ga161210 -- I remember every christmas, dad would hang a sprig of mistletoe ove the barn door. - Yep... - I sure kissed a lot of cows. Oh, yes...nightmares tonight.
ga161211 -- - - - Jo, that's no mistletoe, that's a leaf of romaine lettuce duct taped to the ceiling! - - - Close enough. Joy to the world!
ga161212 -- I can't believe how good you've been lately. Thank you. - I guess it's because Santa's watching, huh? Yes. - This is really killing you, isn't it? It's excruciating.
ga161213 -- Very christmassy. - I think Odie has you beat, though. - 
ga161214 -- hammer hamme hammer - hammer hamme hammer -
ga161215 -- - - Did you flock the dog? You say that like it's a bad thing.
ga161216 -- Did you finish decorating yet, Jon? Not yet. I'm having a little trouble with th stand. - What's wrong? It's stuck. - Stuck? Long story. Lefty-loosey, righty-tighty.
ga161217 -- I've watched this christmas special every year since I was a little boy. - It sure brings back memories. - I want my ba-ba-bear. I had a feeling we were headed there.
ga161218 -- whine... - Okay, Odie, okay... - You can hang the last ornament on the tree. - - Here you go, Garfield. - Odie! Dinner! - 
ga161219 -- Jon, I hope you didn't spend too much money on me this christmas. - - How much is too much? Just a hair more than not enough.
ga161120 -- What did you get Garfield, for Christmas, Jon? - I got him a c-a-t t-o-y. - He's right here. I WANTED a j-e-t s-k-i, you d-o-r-k.
ga161221 -- Snow Globe Purchase click - GIFT SHIPPING OPTIONS: o Regular  o Express  o Drone - x Drone KONK
ga161222 -- Mouse problem solved, Garfield! - They're going to have to sty somewhere ELSE this winter! - This can't be permanent, guys. Oh, come on! We like it here! Central heat, baby!
ga161223 -- You know, Garfield, I'm starting to feel kinda bad about kicking the mice out of the house with christmas coming up... - - Do you guys need blankets or anything? Yeah! And sime sheets! NICE sheets! 800-thread-count egyptian, baby!
ga161224 -- We wanted to thank Jon for letting us stay inside this Christmas. - So my wife knitted him a little something. - Remember, wash it in cold water ot it'll shrink.
ga161225 -- Good night, Garfield. - 10:00 PM - 12:00 AM - 2:00 AM - 4:00 AM - 6:00 AM - - - Merry Christmas, Garfield. SNORE
ga161226 -- Christmas is over ALREADY?! - It CAN'T be over! It has to come back! - I'M NOT DONE BEING MERRY YET!!
ga161227 -- Don't you love the sweaters mom made us this year? I guess. - Where's your sweater, Odie? - Nice.
ga161228 -- Will this day ever end?! - BEDTIME! - I should've asked sooner.
ga161229 -- Jon and I had a snowball fight. - I won. - Jon lost.
ga161230 -- Ready for the new year?! - * TOOOOOOOT! - It hasn't even started yet, and I'm ready for it to be over.
ga161231 -- BOOT! - And when Odie hits the floor... - It signals the start of the new year! CRASH!
ga170101 -- YAWN - Garfield - BURRRRRRP! - - - BOOT! - New year, old me.
ga170102 -- I'm in such a good mood! - What could possibly end it? - Waking up.
ga170103 -- My arm is killing me! What happened? - I arm-wrestled my old gym teacher and lost badly! Hey, it's not like it's the end of the world. - And I had Miss Bryant right to here! Okay, it's the end of the world.
ga170104 -- - - You went back to bed? Everything seemed under control.
ga170105 -- Dogs really are man's best friend. - "Why?" you ask. - Cats have standards, that's why.
ga170106 -- What do you think the future holds, Jon? Flying cars! - No, I mean for US. - Two flying cars? This is about to turn ugly.
ga170107 -- Whoa... - Do you ever feel like you don't know what's going on? - Isn't that great?
ga170108 -- - - Jon? - Yes, Liz? - Did you set the timer on the camera? - I'll check. - CLICK
ga170109 -- Uh-oh- Here comes a bad mood! - - I ducked.
ga170110 -- Are you overweight? No. - Should you be on a diet? No. - Are you lying? click
ga170111 -- Fetch the meaning of life, Odie! - This should be interesting. - How'd you guess?
ga170112 -- Here comes the monster! - Look at him just shuffling along. - Why are they always so slow? It's a two-hour movie.
ga170113 -- What can I get Liz for her birthday? - Tuna! - Maybe flowers. You obviously know nothing about women.
ga170114 -- And here's the news. - Wow... - Seriously? READ IT OUT LOUD!
ga170115 -- - - scoop scoop scoop - pack pack pack - SCOOP PACK SCOOP PACK SCOOP PACK SCOOP PACK SCOOP PACK SCOOP PACK - -
ga170116 -- Hey, listen to this. - The supermarket is having a special on kale. - They'll pay you to take it. How much?
ga170017 -- Do these glasses make me look smarter? - Nope. - You make the glasses look dumber.
ga170118 -- I am a guard dog. Guarding what? - Uhhhhhh... - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Yeah, you guard away, there.
ga170119 -- It's not easy being a spider. - How so? - Five of my knees hurt. Ouch.
ga170120 -- Welcome to Binky Burger. I'm Binky's buddy, Biff. How may I help you? - * HONK - You don't like your job, do you? YOU try to get a date in this getup, pal.
ga170121 -- Dreams do come true. - They do? - Then shouldn't you be a tuna?
ga170122 -- - To: Jon tap tap tap tap tap tap - From: Liz * * * * * * - To: Liz tap tap tap tap tap tap - From: Jon * * * * * * - To: Jon tap tap tap tap tap tap - From: Garfield ** * ** * ** *
ga170123 -- What is that? - Is that...a nap? - Why, yes, it is.
ga170124 -- - Strange weather. - For the living room.
ga170125 -- Wait until you hear what happened to me. - Hold on. - I have to pretend to take this call.
ga170126 -- - - Well, that was a nice day. I hate winter.
ga170127 -- I will now perform Accordion Concerto in D Major. - ** * * * ** * - Tah-dah! That deserves a lying ovation. clap clap clap
ga170128 -- Liz says you've never done anything to offend her. - What's with that? It's because I save that stuff for you, Jon. - You're special.
ga170129 -- - - shovel shovel shovel shovel shovel - shovel shovel shovel shovel shovel - shovel shovel shovel shovel - shovel shovel shovel shovel shovel shovel shovel shovel - The pizza delivery guy is on his way.
ga170130 -- I haven't seen you do anything all day. - Whoa... - He sure wastes a lot of time.
ga170131 -- Why are you snails so slow? We are not! I'll bet that I'm faster than you! - I'll accept that bet! You'r eon! Ready! Set! ... - Go! Hey! That's cheating!
ga170201 -- - - Quite a breeze today.
ga170202 -- The world will remember my name! - ...uh... - Jon! I knew you could do it!
ga170203 -- I'm thinking of changing my scent. Apple pie is nice. - Or fresh-baked bread. Or bacon! - Now I'm hungry. Fried chicken! Brownies!
ga170204 -- Z Hey, Garfield! - Welcome to the 29th century! - Give me just five more decades.
ga170205 -- - Fetch the ball, Odie! - - plop - Where did you get THAT?
ga170206 -- - It's still winter. -
ga170207 -- Broccoli is a good thing! - - What's that on the floor? Our new, green doorstop.
ga170208 -- "Dear ask a dog"... - "Would you PLEAS leave me alone?" - Signed, "Mister Tennis Ball".
ga170209 -- Sometimes I can't sleep. - - I think it was november 8, 1992.
ga170210 -- I think my tie is too long. - I have just the thing. - Good evening, my dear.
ga170211 -- I am a proud man! - A VERY proud man. - But do not ask me why. I was not going to.
ga170212 -- YAAAAHHH! - WHOA! - I CAN'T STOP! - HELP! - CATCH ME! - THUD - I told you that the banana slippers were a bad idea.
ga170213 -- I'm bored. - It says here that boredom can spawn a more active imagination. Interesting. - Oh, great. Now I'm HUNGRY, too.
ga170214 -- Sometimes I wonder if I eat too much. - But then sometimes I wonder if I'm not eating ENOUGH - What are you doing, Garfield? Research.
ga170215 -- - Hey! - Every time you walk by, the pictures fall off my walls. Well, excuse me.
ga170216 -- - - Diet time. Might as well. We're out of food.
ga170217 -- Ow!...Ow!...Ow!...OW! - How am I supposed to DO this?!...OW!! - We will return to "The Invisible Man Cuts Himself Shaving". OW!!
ga170218 -- The two dinosaurs are fighting! - At least I THINK they're fighting... - ...or slow dancing. The romantic music might be a clue!
ga170219 -- Hmmmm... - Know what we haven't done in a long time? Pigged out on donuts! - Why don't we head over to the donut shop right now?! - But first, our cheer! - DONUTS! DONUTS! RAH! RAH! DONUTS! DONUTS!... - YEEEEEEE-HAAHHH!!! - Hear that? It's
ga170219 -- THEM. We're gonna need a bigger fryer.
ga170220 -- Could I be missing something in my life? - - Nope.
ga170221 -- CAT --> - Uh... - Your point? It saves me a lot of meowing.
ga170222 -- BARK! - AAAHHH! - If loud noises scare you, then don't make loud noises.
ga170223 -- "Once upon a time there was a powerful wizard..." - "Who summoned forth a mighty rainstorm!" Ooooooh! - Would you please not do this in the shower? "And then along came a silly troll".
ga170224 -- The earth opened up and almost swallowed me. - That would have been a disaster. Right, Jon?
ga170225 -- I have much to offer the world. - But the world doesn't want it! - What was that? Ask the world!
ga170226 -- - - - - And here's Chuck with the forecast... - Looks like another eight to ten inches of snow tonight, Stu! - What's that? It sounds like a cat weeping.
ga170227 -- Another monday... - Anothe rmind-numbing, run-of-the-mill monday. - Hey, Garf... Hold on, I'm on a roll! Another mundane, morbund, humdrum monday!
ga170228 -- Good day, sir. - I've been retained to address an assault perpetrated last evening. - My client is willing to settle out of court for six grubs and a beetle.
ga170301 -- - THOCK! - Tennis match on TV.
ga170302 -- Z - Garfield, you're sleeping your life away! - I could use some help. Cool. Do you want me to sleep yours away, too?
ga170303 -- - - Who wants another one of my kale and raisin cookies? Maybe a taste. Don't encourage her! SMACK
ga170304 -- I resolve to cut my shedding in half. - -
ga170305 -- - - BWINK - SPROING - - FUMP - Curse you, march.
ga170306 -- If I igniore the world, maybe it will go wawy. - - Except for lasagna.
ga170307 -- I'm going kite flying! sigh - It's really windy out here! Here we go again. - Let go of the string, Jon! Helllllp!
ga170308 -- Come on, pal! pat pat pat - PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT - Love is taking the breath with the dog.
ga170309 -- I keep forgetting what day it is. - Here, have a claendar with pictures of cute cats. WHAP - I don't see YOUR picure in here anywhere, mister!
ga170310 -- It's like the stars go on forever. They do go on forever, Jon. Far beyond our comprehension. - Whoa... - So there COULD be brain-sucking lobster beings out there! Zime to go.
ga170311 -- BURP! - Thank you! - Encore. BURP!
ga170312 -- - - - - - Whoops! Time to pick up Liz! - Reservation for Arbuckle.
ga170313 -- Wow, I'm warm. What's the thermostat set at? - WHOA! How did that get turned up so HIGH?! - What a mystery.
ga170314 -- The cat has given so much to the world. - - And there's more where that came from, pal.
ga170315 -- - - I looked at Odie. Never make eye contact!
ga170316 -- Jon rarely leaves the house... Almost got it. - And that's a good thing. Got it! - It makes the world a safer place. Mustard?
ga170317 -- whap - Sigh - I wonder if the cat is missing us over spring break. Could be.
ga170318 -- Observe, Garfield...the new, conservative, fashionable me! - Style and class. What more does a guxy need? Um... - Pants?
ga170319 -- Z - Garfield! Lunchtime! - Z - - Z - Are you ever going to get here? Hold on. Only two naps away.
ga170320 -- glug glug glug - SLUP! - When the coffe goes down, the eyelids go up!
ga170321 -- You know that nagging feeling, Garfield? - Like when you can't remember if you did something or not? - I wonder if I forgot to close the door. Let's ask the goat in the living room.
ga170322 -- Good news, Odie! - Your food wasn't bad today. -
ga170323 -- I'm back from the accordion contest, Garfield, and I got second place! There's no shame in that. - - DANG, that monkey was good! Now, in THAT, there is.
ga170324 -- My accordion is in the repair shop. Oh, no! - Did somebody hit it with a hammer? - Why would you ask that? Um... Demand a lawyer.
ga170325 -- I don't get it. - Doh! - How do bats do that?
ga170326 -- - Camera tap tap - CLICK - CLICK - CLICK - CLICK - CLICK
ga170327 -- Z - You miss out on things when you're asleep. - Z
ga170328 -- I'm feeling lazy, so we're having cereal for lunch. Works for me. - Cereal is the perfect food...good for any meal. And snacks! - In fact, let's have cereal for dinner tonight, too. Jon may have a girlfriend now, but we're still bachelors,
ga170328 -- baby!
ga170329 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Out To Lunch - Well, I won't see HIM back for three days. I heard that!
ga170330 -- Today's specials are fried chicken, roast chicken, baked chicken, barbecued chicken... - Chicken salad, chicken soup and chicken pot pie. That's a lot of chicken. - A poultry truck overturned just up the road. Let's hope an ice cream truck
ga170330 -- stalls in time for dessert!
ga170331 -- Liz and I are having an argument. So? - And I'd love to end it... You DO know what to do, don't you? - But I have no idea what's it about! Tell her she's right.
ga170401 -- Watch this, Garfield. - I'm going to scurry across the table! You do that. - Wheeeeee! Mice are odd.
ga170402 -- Well, here we are... - Thank you for a wonderful evening, Jon. It was wonderful, wasn't it, Liz? - KISSSSSSSSS - SMOOOOOOOOCH - KISS KISS KISS KISS KISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS - click click click click click SMOOOOOOO- - GARFIELD! STOP WITH tHE PORCH
ga170402 -- LIGHT! click click click click Break it up out there, hot lips!
ga170403 -- * RING - * RING Hmmm... - * RING I've forgotten how to use that thing. And time marches on.
ga170404 -- - - What's that noise? The ancient greeks called it a dial tone, you idgit.
ga170405 -- Garfield, why do we still have that thing? - I vaguely recall that it did have a purpose? It did. - Single women used it to shoot you down.
ga170406 -- - - The camera on this thing doesn't work! Pity him.
ga170407 -- Poor, neglected landline. Sigh... - Don'r worry, I haven't forgotten you. Thanks. - Remember all those pizzas we ordered together? Good times...good times.
ga170408 -- I don't use the old landline anymore. - Now it's just a conversation piece. - Wasn't that its original function?
ga170409 -- Hmmmm - A quiet house... - An empty couch... - A great old movie on TV... - And a perfectly fluffed pillow. - I swear... - Some days just have "waste me" written all over them!
ga170410 -- We should paint the house this spring. - That's a good idea. - Unless, of course, in some bizarre manner the term "we" implies the inclusion of me.
ga170411 -- Hey! - You almost stepped on me, creep! Oh, sorry. - STOMP! How about it now?
ga170412 -- Where have you been? I was worried about you. - I was abducted by aliens. - Really?! Now I'M worried about YOU.
ga170413 -- Nothing exciting happes around here. - - That is NOT exciting. That's about all I have to work with.
ga170414 -- Now I just touch the thingy on the screen, right? Yes. - Okay, everybody say "cheese"! Urf. Cheese! Meow. - CLICK!
ga170415 -- Bees are social insects. - - It's fun hanging out. No, it's not.
ga170416 -- - You know, Garfield, Jon and I have been seeing each other for a while now... I won't hold that against you. - And during that time I think he's really grown as a person. As opposed to a platypus? - I mean, when we were first dating he used
ga170416 -- to embarrass me on a almost-daily basis. Really? Not hourly? - It's nice to see how much he's matured since then. Poor Liz. Poor, naive liz. - I'll be out on the front lawn performing my interpretative dance to Mister Spring. - THUD You were
ga170416 -- saying?
ga170417 -- Wow... - Look at the grass grow. - I love action.
ga170418 -- Where did you go, tree? - I'm on vacation. - Vacation? I'm a surfboard on Maui.
ga170419 -- - PUNT - The classics are always in style.
ga170420 -- I'm cooking dinner! - Yah! I'm burning dinner! - I'm ordering pizza. You should cook more often.
ga170421 -- Remember the time I got stuck in a trash can? I sure do! - That was so... - Tragic...so tragic.
ga170422 -- Hee-hee. I'm going to use a dog whistle to call a bunch of mutts to pester Jon. - SSSSSSSSSS - Oops. This must be my snake whistle.
ga170423 -- - * * ** - - GARFIELD! - - Attaboy, Garfield! Thanks. - We got you one, too.
ga170424 -- Some worry about oversleeping. - Not me, though. - I worry about over-waking.
ga170425 -- Garfield, would you like to go jogging with me? - - No.
ga170426 -- - Odie's not as dumb as I thought. - BARK BARK BARK BARK He's dumber.
ga170427 -- I'm afraid I have bad news, Curtis. Give it straight to me, Doc. - You have a severe...nut allergy. - NOOO!! Tough break for a squirrel.
ga170428 -- Willpower. - Willpower. - Indulgence power!
ga170429 -- SLURRRRK - Ahhhhhhhh - Needs more cat food.
ga170430 -- - - - - - - 
ga170501 -- Doe slife get any better than this, Garfield? - - I hope so. It had better.
ga170502 -- Time to walk by the neighbors. - - We have a history.
ga170503 -- I just don't feel motivated to bark at you. - I just soaked my feet in your water dish. - Thanks! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Happy to do my part.
ga170504 -- - - GARFIELD! He who eats first, eats best.
ga170505 -- Z - Hey, Garfield! Today is National Cartoonists Day! You woke me for that? - 
ga170506 -- Ants are eating my candy bar! - - You should learn something new every day, Garfield. Ants are crunchy.
ga170507 -- BARK! BARK! - - plop - Okay, okay, I'll play. - I'm gonna make you run, though... - Prepare to chase this into the next time zone, Odie! - You're good.
ga170508 -- Garfield, guess what I did today! - I actually READ instructions! - Next I'm going to read a map and ask for directions! Man card...hand it over.
ga170509 -- STAY OFF THE GRASS - STAY OFF THE GRASS - STAY OFF THE "STAY OFF THE GRASS" SIGN Oh, come on!
ga170510 -- I've been training for the theater - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Dramatic pause! That is so stupid.
ga170511 -- Climbing a tree is challenging. - Yeah, for the TREE, lardo- - I'm going to wear cleats. I kid!
ga170512 -- Garfield, does this gap in my teeth make me look silly? - Arlene, you could never look silly. - Always be sincere...whether you mean it or not.
ga170513 -- It's almost time for lunch. - - Which means there's just enough time for breakfast.
ga170514 -- - I had a cat when I was a little girl. A beautigul tabby, like you. - Her name was Tiger, and she was my best friend. We did everything together,,,ate, slept, played... - She even inspired me to become a veterinarian, to help other animals.
ga170514 -- I miss her so much. - Anyway, I just wanted you to know it's good to have a cat in my life again. - - If Jon doesn't marry you, *I* will.
ga170515 -- Z - Staring contest. - Or not.
ga170516 -- It's not easy being fish. - How so? - Our potato chips are really soggy! Yew!!
ga170517 -- ARF!ARF! ARF! - See? I can speak "dog"! - You just said "my elbow is a potato".
ga170518 -- I always try my best. - Here comes my favorite part. - Then I fail. That's my favorite part.
ga170519 -- If I turn my head just right... - I can pick up a radio station with my teeth! - Uh... I know a way back out.
ga170520 -- HYAAAH! - Just kidding! - You need to learn to relax.
ga170521 -- - - BURRRRRRRRRRRRRAP! - Lugga lugga lugga - YAWNNN! - SLAP SLAP SLAP - I didn't know this thing had a webcam. And we just passed one millio views. lugga lugga lugga
ga170522 -- - Don't you have anything to do? Yes, I do. - I'm binge-watching the ceiling.
ga170523 -- Cats have many talents. - - TAH-DAH!
ga170524 -- Not everything os my fault. - BOOT! - Just the good stuff.
ga170525 -- Garfield! - Have you seen my razor?! - No, but your potato peeler has had it.
ga170526 -- Do you ever think about our future together, Garfield? Nope. - No? - I'm too busy enjoying out ime together right now. Purr.
ga170527 -- Cotton is better than wool! Wool is better than cotton! - WOOL HEAD! COTTON MOUTH! - What do YOU thibk? Yeah! Who's better?! I'm staying out of this.
ga170528 -- - * ** - Hello? Hi, it's the Pizza Parlor. - We're just calling to let you know how much we love you. - * SMOOOOOCH * - * click * - Perhaps we order pizza too much. Said no one ever.
ga170529 -- - BEWARE OF PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING - Like there needs to be a sign.
ga170530 -- A cat can make a toy out of anything. - A paper bag, for instance. - My lunch was in there! That will be difficult to prove.
ga170531 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - - Sorry. I thought I heard the can opener. Focus.
ga170601 -- These buttermilk pancakes taste plain, Irma. Did you put buttermilk in them? - Let me check. - Silly me! I put water in them! - Meaning...the buttermilk went into the coffee maker.
ga170602 -- Ah, friday... - Almost quitting time. - Can't wait to relax.
ga170603 -- "Great Moments in Cat History"... - The invention of the tuna-flavored milk shake. sniff - This has been "Great Moments in Cat History".
ga170604 -- - - - - - Are you quite done? Just one more.
ga170605 -- - You lie there while I do everything around here. - Finally a plan we can all get behind!
ga170606 -- - Well? What do you have to say? - Looks better on me.
ga170607 -- - - LICK LICK LICK LICK
ga170608 -- Some fish can fly. - Really?! - But the lines at the airport are so long. Oh, don't even start!
ga170609 -- I have Garfield's test results... - But I think there's som esort of error. - It says his blood is 20 percent marinara sauce. How are my cheese levels?
ga170610 -- I love everybody! - Me, too! - Although some could use a little salt.
ga170611 -- - I think I'll clean out my closet today... - It's just so small... - sip sip - - ZANG - MUST BUILD BIGGER CLOSET!!! I GET LUMBER!
ga170612 -- What are you looking at, cat? - A photo album. A photo album? What's that? - It's where we old folks used to post our selfies. Ah.
ga170613 -- You mean people in the old days used to print out their photos and then paste them into books? Yes. - That sure seems like a lot of work. They had plenty of time. - Didn't they have dinosaurs to hunt? Only on tuesdays.
ga170614 -- Here's another old picture of me. - It was take the first time Jon put me on a diet. - Why is your face so lumpy? I'm storing cookies in my cheeks.
ga170615 -- Look, Garfield, here's you as a kitten. - Wow, you were fat even then. - I mean, "awwwww".
ga170616 -- I've decided I don't want to make a big deal out of my birthday this year. - Now that I'm older and wiser, I'm realizing the things that mean the most to me... - A dump truck full of presents and a ginormous cake are all I really need. You're
ga170616 -- drooling.
ga170617 -- YAWN - KRIK - I'm at that age where YAWNING is risky.
ga170618 -- - HUHHHHHHH - FOOOOOF - FOOOOOF - FOOOOOOF - Okay, I'm ready... - BRING ON THE BIRTHDAY CAKE!
ga170619 -- It's my birthday! - SPLOT - Aaand it's also monday.
ga170620 -- Hey, you're prett yold. You should meet my grandmother. She's the oldest person I know. - She's so old that she's seen it all. And done it all. She's REALLY old. - How old is she? Two!
ga170621 -- Hey, Garfield, today is the first day of summer! - Time to hit the ol' wading pool! - Tah-dah! Hello, summer-goodbye, dignity.
ga170622 -- I love summer! - - But it doesn't love you.
ga170623 -- We're not taking a vacation this year. - Really? - I thought we were on one.
ga170624 -- - - Is it warm out? Somewhat.
ga170625 -- - Boy, it's hot! It is. - I could use something cold to drink. Good idea. - snap snap! - - - What about ME?! Get your own cabana mouse.
ga170626 -- I have friday on my mind... - - But monday on my calendar.
ga170627 -- All right! All right! - You can have half of my sandwich! - Good things come to those who whine.
ga170628 -- "Dear Ask A Dog"... - "If you chase a car and catch it, what happens then?" - That is highly illegal, my friend.
ga170629 -- GARFIELD! - You ate everything in the kitchen! Not so. - EVERYTHING! Here's the twist of the bread bag.
ga170630 -- Have you considered planting a vegetable garden? - No, he has not. - Uh, no. Now, a small plot of bacon might be nice.
ga170701 -- Cat food... - GULP! - If I'm hungry enough, I'll eat anything.
ga170702 -- eew - Oh, Irma. - Yes? There's a fly in my mashed potatoes. - SCHWAT! - Dit I get it? Dit I get it? dig dig dig - Hah-HA! - No charge for that. Why do we come here? For the ambience.
ga170703 -- There's ugly... - - and then there's monday-morning ugly.
ga170704 -- What a crowd! - All these people coming to the faily reunion! - Have you ever seen so many tractors? I think I'm overdressed.
ga170705 -- Come closer! - Closer! - Uh, too close.
ga170706 -- Look, Garfield! I found a lucky horseshoe! - knock knock - There's a horse with a limp at the door, and he doesn't look happy.
ga170707 -- What would you like to do tonight, Garfield? - Eat garbage, yowl on the fence, dodge shoes, trash-talk some dogs, then get chased up a tree. - So, the usual. If it ain't broke...
ga170708 -- You should always follow my lead. - - I don't know about "always".
ga170709 -- - - GARFIELD! - - - shoof - hummmmm GARFIELD!
ga170710 -- The only good thing about monday morning is the coffee. - GLUB - Mmm...toasty, with notes of cheese and a soapy finish. Hey! I'm trying to bathe here!
ga170711 -- Think before you act. - - How about if I think and then just lie here.
ga170712 -- Odie has discovered the secret to happiness. - - I think I'll remain depressed.
ga170713 -- * MROOOW ** - SHUT UP! - Did somebody say "encore"?
ga170714 -- Liz wants me to go furniture shopping with her. - She wants to buy a credenza. - I don't even know that that is! It's Italian for "your bachelor life is over".
ga170715 -- Oops. - - Caught that sandwich before it hit the floor.
ga170716 -- - I want some attention. - Pay attention to me! SLAP! - Hey! That hurt! - Why did you hurt me?! -You are an awful, awful cat! - BAD CAT! BAD CAT! Why, I oughta... That's better.
ga170717 -- Nothing can stop me today, Garfield! - How ironic. - Nothing can START me.
ga170718 -- Who knows what the future holds. - - But I know that it involves a water balloon.
ga170719 -- - Whoa! Take it easy there, Odie! - Better.
ga170720 -- Slightly pungent with a hint of nuttiness. - Earthy, like walking through a meadow after a spring rain. - Cheese snobs. Aristocratic yet humble. Indubitaly.
ga170721 -- Liz yawned on our date tonight... - - ONLY ONCE! Mister Excitement!
ga170722 -- I'm sleepy! - Yes, sir! - Although it's not one of my best efforts.
ga170723 -- - Hey, guys, check out the moon... - It looks happy, doesn't it? - When I was a boy, we called that a "smiling moon". - Kids sure do think of some funny things. - - 
ga170724 -- It takes longer... - ...every morrning... - ...to resemble myself.
ga170725 -- - This is interesting... - Van Gogh said that orange is the color of insanity. That's crazy.
ga170726 -- You just ate, so you'll have to wait half an hour to swim. - Of course, by then you'll be hungry again. Hmm - You know, you may never swim again. The math doesn't look good.
ga170727 -- With age comes wisdom. - Sigh - I'd rather have a new television. That's very wise.
ga170728 -- Hey, Odie! - Jon was just elling me he wishes you would bark manically in his face. - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Happy birthday, Jon!
ga170729 -- Some people dream in black and white. - Some people dream in color. - I dream in pizza toppings.
ga170730 -- * ** * * ** * ** * ** - ** * * ** * ** * * - * ** * ** ** * * - * ** * * ** ** * * - * ** * * ** ** * * - * ** * ** * ** ** * * * - ** * * * ** * ** Some days, you just gotta dance.
ga170731 -- Guess what, Garfield? - I switched us to decaf. - I'd slap you, but I don't have the energy.
ga170801 -- Life's funny. You never know what's going to happen until it happens. - - IF it happens.
ga170802 -- Don't be mean, kids. - BOOT! - Leave that to the professionals.
ga170803 -- I wonder why I never get a treat. - If you're a good boy today, I'll give you a treat. - Ah.
ga170804 -- - - He really hates camping, doesn't he? That's a long stick!
ga170805 -- It's diet time, Garfield! We're going on a fast! - - We're going off a fast! That was a terrifying three seconds!
ga170806 -- - - - - - * - YOU JUST RUINED a PERFECTLY BAD MOOD!
ga170807 -- Wouldn't it be great if we could travel back in time? - I'd go back to my first day of kindergarten. - This time I'd KNOW where the little boys' room was before it was too late. I'd travel before this conversation took place.
ga170808 -- So hot. - You should wear a hat. - So hot. So embarrassing.
ga170809 -- - SLURRRRRR- GAAAH! Hot hose water.
ga170810 -- Odie, come back! I need to dry you off. - Not a problem. - You bed seem pretty absorbent.
ga170811 -- Sigh... - I need to become the man that Liz deserves. - Technically, that would be another man.
ga170812 -- I just finished a leisurely breakfast. - Hey... - I MISSED LUNCH!
ga170813 -- So... - So you worked in the yard yesterday without a shirt on? - Yes. It was pretty hot and sunny. Did you wear sunscreen? - Yeees. All over? - Yes, mother. Really? Even on your back? - SLAP! YES! - bust-ed.
ga170814 -- - Bored? - No, thank you. I already am.
ga170815 -- SSSSSSSS - SSSSSSSS - Isn't that quite enough? SSSSSS Said the jealous Jon.
ga170816 -- "Dear Ask A Dog"... - "If you were on the moon, would you howl at the earth?" - And no, you're not going to go find out.
ga170817 -- - - Why are you back in bed? Duh. It's dark out.
ga170818 -- Guess how many jelly beans I can fit in my mouth. - How many? One. - Because somebody TOOK the rest of them! The rascal.
ga170819 -- I was crossing the street this morning, and... - Z - All of Jon's stories are bedtime stories.
ga170820 -- - - - Look, Garfield...a dead possum. Oh, ick. - That's disgusting. How utterly gross. - - click!
ga170821 -- The art of conversation: alive or dead? - I counted my fingers three times and got three different answers. - A moment of silence, please.
ga170822 -- Grrrrrr... - BARK! - Did you see how I built the suspense with the growl? I was on the edge of my seat.
ga170823 -- I'm a spider now, but someday I'll be a beautiful butterfly! - No, you'll always be a spider. Really? - Really. Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! Oh, shut up!
ga170824 -- The yard needs mowing. So? - The candy bars need eating. So? - The dishes need washing. Wait. What was the one before that?
ga170825 -- What are you doing, Garfield? - Looking at pictures of food on my phone. - Ah, romance. You got that right, lady!
ga170826 -- ECHO POINT M- - Meow! - Let me finish!
ga170827 -- - I think Liz and I are getting really serious, Garfield. Oh? - Today we went to Binky Burger for lunch... - And she actually shared her soft drink with me! Wow. - AND her french fries! That IS serious. - Maybe it's time to take our
ga170827 -- relationship to the next level. I don'r know, Jon... - Onion rings are a big step.
ga170828 -- I'm good at what I do. - Oh, me, too. - This is what we do.
ga170829 -- - click - I have never successfully taken a selfie.
ga170830 -- I'm bored. So am I. - SMACK! - Next time *I* get to pick what we do!
ga170831 -- chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew - Is that what I think it is? chew chew chew chew - CHEWING practice?!! The new buffet opens downtown today!
ga170901 -- Would you still love me if I turned into a werewolf? - I guess... - Depends on how much you shed. Welcome to my world.
ga170902 -- Cookie! - - The service here is lousy.
ga170903 -- - Charcoal. Charcoal. - Lighter fluid. Lighter fluid. - Match. Match. - SSSHICK! - FOOOMF - Eyebrows. The grocery store was fresh out.
ga170904 -- - I know what we can do! - If I wanted to do something, I wouldn't be hanging around with YOU.
ga170905 -- dooG !gninevE - !retaehT drawkcaB ot emoclew dnA - kcilc
ga170906 -- - - What is that mouse doing? He's running away from me. I'll chase him later.
ga170907 -- I've lost all but two pieces of this jigsaw puzzle. - - I don't know if I can put them together. Start with the edge.
ga170908 -- Nowhere to go. - Nothing to do. - Let's go somewhere and do something! Boy, we are on different planets.
ga170909 -- ...what do you think of that? Wha...? - Tuna! - That's my fallback answer for when I haven't been paying attention.
ga170910 -- - - HI, THERE! POO! - Oh! Did I startle you? - You really jumped. - That was pretty funny. - Sort of.
ga170911 -- Let's do nothing today. - Well, okay... - As long as it doesn't interfere with my plans to goof off.
ga170912 -- I heard a funny joke today. - But I don't remember the punch line. - Oh, well, "knock knock" Don't.
ga170913 -- - Paradise <--- No way. - I'm pretty sure that paradise would be downhill.
ga170914 -- A fish walks into a diner and the waitress says, "What will you have?" - And the fish says, "WATER"! Oh, how sad! Go away! - Hello? Eddie?... A fish walks into a diner...
ga170915 -- Life is easier when you have someone to shar eit with. - - Especially if that someone is a good listener.
ga170916 --Today is the day everything is going to go right! - - My cup is filled with bacon grease instead of coffee. Maybe tomorrow.
ga170917 -- - - - - - - Summer's not over until the last wet dog has shaken. GAAAHHH
ga170918 -- There is so much going on in the world. - It's hard to keep up. Nonsense. Just do what I do. - Ignore it.
ga170919 -- We cats are at one with...oh, what's the word? - Let me look it up on my phone, here... - Nature!
ga170920 -- There are no fish here, cat! No? - Nope. Moo! - Where have you been? Having a hamburger.
ga170921 -- - I * SQUIRRELS - Lost a bet.
ga170922 -- I'm going to practicew visiting with Liz. - We should shre our feelings. - Notice how I didn't giggle when I said that? I'm impressed.
ga170923 -- Okay, relax, Garfield. - SNORE - Rats, now I have to start over.
ga170924 -- Hi, hon. - We have a new cook. - He just graduated from a culinary school. Oh? - Which school? - The Insitute of Advanced Bachelor Cusine. Wow. - What will you have? Two soups, please. - Yum.
ga170925 -- Here you go, Garfield. Tuna-flavored cat food! - - When did they stop making actual tuna?
ga170926 -- Oh, no! - I dropped my phone into the lake! - That explains the mean tweet from the carp.
ga170927 -- Some dogs chew slippers... - - And others partake.
ga170928 -- There's nothing on woth watching. click click click - click click click click click - So I'll watch faster. click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click
ga170929 -- Good night, Liz * SMOOCH - Boy, that was a great kiss. - Why didn't YOU ever kiss me like that, Garfield? Hey! I'm eating here!
ga170930 -- You know what was the greatest invention of all time? - Cheese! - The wheel. What kind of cheese?
ga171001 -- - FOR SALE - SOLD! - MOVING - - What do you think og our new neighbors, Garfield? - I * MY DOGS It's not looking good.
ga171002 -- Some call this laziness. I call it... - - Whatever another word for laziness is.
ga171003 -- Don't touch that dial! - Okay, I won't. - And what's a dial?
ga171004 -- "Dear Ask A Dog: if you could be an animal, what would you be?" - - Here's a hint...you already ARE one.
ga171005 -- FINALLY, the house is clean! - We should have thought of this sooner. - Yea, just don't look down.
ga171006 -- I can read your mind! You're thinking... You're thinking... - You're thinking... You're thinking... You're thinking... - You're thinnnnnnnking... She's thinking "good night, dummy".
ga171007 -- I have hopes and dreams. - And I have the wherewithal to dash them all. - You have that look. Come on. What else you got?
ga171008 -- click - Hello, and welcome again to "Cooking With Lucinda Jolinda-Bolinda"! I'm your host, Lucinda Jolinda-Bolinda! - Today's recipe is a lobster roulade...crispy brick dough filled with fresh east coast lobster, pickled daikon, sauteed
ga171008 -- cabbage, and served with a rich, pure lobster reduction. - Now, I bet you're all thinking to yourselves, "Oh, my! I bet that's really hard to make!" - Well, I'll let you in on a little secret... - It IS. - So let's just order a pizza, shall
ga171008 -- we? I love you, Lucinda Jolinda-Bolinda!
ga171009 -- I have been handed a bulletin that affects everyone on the planet! - Except me. -
ga171010 -- ticka ticka ticka BEEEP! - ticka ticka ticka BEEEP! ticka ticka ticka BEEEP! ticka ticka ticka BEEEP! ticka ticka ticka BEEEP! ticka ticka ticka BEEEP! ticka ticka ticka BEEEP! - Garfield, did you change my password? Why would I do that,
ga171010 -- neenerheadmommasboy45?
ga171011 -- - Z - Annoying, isn't it?
ga171012 -- We should try to get along. Okay. - - This is kind of creepy. And we're freaking out the neighbors.
ga171013 -- And now here's our movie reviewer, Bob... - I didn't see the movie this week. - I slept though it. Sounds good!
ga171014 -- I came...I saw... - BURP! - I pigged out!
ga171015 -- - I love fall. - I love the colors... - I love the cool days...I love the smells... - NYAAHHH - And, of course, there's Jon's annual raking meltdown. WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
ga171016 -- Laugh, anf the world laughs with you. - HA! HA! HA! HA! What else you got?
ga171017 -- Hey, cat...check it out. - I got one of those fitness trackers. - 40,000 steps today! Woo-hoo! Show-off.
ga171018 -- Here. Odie! - - Seemed like a good iea at the time.
ga171019 -- My old sports injury is acting up. - - Crossword puzzles are a sport! Yeah, those 12-letter words can be brutal.
ga171020 -- When I was single, I used to sit at home alone and be bored. - but now that we're a couple... - We can sit at home together and be bored! You need an exit strategy, lady.
ga171021 -- There's something wrong with my phone. - Really? - It seemed fine when I used it to pry the freezer door open.
ga171022 -- - - What are we fighting about again? Ummm... - I don't even remember. Neither do I. - This is silly. I agree. - Whatever it was, I forgive you. pat pat pat - 
ga171023 -- - - I'm not myself before my 17th cup of coffee.
ga171024 -- I'm turning into a wolf! - AROOOOOOOO! - Oh, wait. I just forgot to shave. So you're turning into a HOBO.
ga171025 -- No, really! ...honest! - I found these holes whe I got it home! Riiiight. - We will continue with "Mothra Returns a Sweater".
ga171026 -- Tonight, on "Cooking with Dracula"... - Something special fur doze cheely fall dazes... - Crean uff neck zoop! Woe, that's a big blender.
ga171027 -- Human brain! - Must have human brain! - Notice how he walked right past you.
ga171028 -- A little to the left...yeah...THAT'S it! - TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP - We will return to "The Wolfman Gets His Belly Scratched". He loves that.
ga171029 -- ** beedle beedle beedle - I'm on my way over to pick you up for our date now, Liz! Fine. What are you wearing? - It's a surprise! Uh-oh. Maybe you should change. - I look FINE, Liz! Don't you trust me? Put Garfield on. - Garfield, how does he
ga171029 -- look? - HAAAACK! - HEY! YOU CLEAN UP THAT HAIRBALL! - Change.
ga171030 -- I'll have the spinach-stuffed flounder amadine with asparagus tips and roasted new potatoes. - Very good, ma'am. And for you, sir? - Well, your arm looks pretty darn tasty. Never date a zombie.
ga171031 -- Tonight, on Monster Horror Theater... - "Attack of the Zombie Recliner". - You're blocking my view.
ga171101 -- Why do dogs wear sweaters? - - I'm guessing low self-esteem.
ga171102 -- Purr! - Purr! Hey! - Purr! Eyes over here!
ga171103 -- - What can I say? - Fridays bring out the boogie in me!
ga171104 -- We're out of cheese! - We have cake and ice cream. - But no cheese! Mice...
ga171105 -- - Uh-oh. - I think I forgot my keys. - Looks like we're locked out, guys. - Guys? - flip flip flip - GARFIELD!! BANG BANG! BANG! Another pie, Odie?
ga171106 -- Boring contest! - - You always win!
ga171107 -- Did I hear you say Jon is going grocery shopping tomorrow? Yes. - Did you need something? I could use ten pound of dead flies. - Isn't that a lot? I have a big freezer.
ga171108 -- A wise man once said... - HURK! AAACK! HURRRRRRK! GAK! - Hurrrk... Water... Ack! - I must get the t-shirt.
ga171109 -- I have a very healthy lifestyle. - - Although I don't happen to have it with me at the moment.
ga171110 -- Are you loyal, Garfield? Yes, I am. - I always eat the same brand of peanut butter. - That's not what I meant. AND jelly!
ga171111 -- Cats have the opinion that they are better than everyone else. - Not so. - It's not an opinion.
ga171112 -- tic tic tic tic tic - Activating Sleep Mode - - All done! - Want to go for a walk? - Z flump - Cats don't have a sleep mode! Cats INVENTED sleep mode.
ga171113 -- I'm roughing it. - - No pillow.
ga171114 -- ECHO POINT Meow! - * ding - You Meow!
ga171115 -- Burp That was rude. - BURP! - But not rude enough!
ga171116 -- I have TONS of online friends! - Well, I have SOME online friends... - Okay, I have NO online friends! Kinda like your offline life.
ga171117 -- Jon? Yes? - Kerple nop sizz fwango mook gweeble adeewong - I will NEVER understand women. I think she just called you a radish.
ga171118 -- I have a lot of great ideas, Garfield. Do tell. - Check this one out... - Fire that's hot, but not TOO hot. For when you want to undercook something?
ga171119 -- dip - crunch crunch crunch crunch - Hey! No double-dipping! - Don't you know how unsanitary that is, you dusgusting pig?! - dip - Jon, I was thinking we might go to dinner at... - Never mind.
ga171120 -- Let's do something. Okay. - I have an idea. - Any suggestions? Let's NOT do something.
ga171121 -- Good friends are important. - BOOT! - Who else can you kick? *
ga171122 -- "...and the cat lived happily ever after." - BURP - EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T DESERVE TO! I heard that.
ga171123 -- I'm going to count my blessings. - - One.
ga171124 -- When I diet, sometimes I skip a meal. - - Breathe!
ga171125 -- NO SIGN READING - NO SIGN READING - NO SIGN READING AH-HA!
ga171126 -- - I downloaded a new app, Garfield. It's called "Virtual Holiday Shopper". - It simulates the actual mall experience as you christmas shop on your phone! - tap tap tap - tap tap tap - tap tap tap - I've been looking for a parking space for
ga171126 -- two hours. It's just like we're there.
ga171127 -- There's an old Arbuckle family saying that goes like this... - "When th eantlers are upon the bear, christmas is nigh". - Christmas is nigh!
ga171128 -- A great old christmas movie and a cup of cocoa... - What more could you possibly need? - Gingerbread fly?
ga171129 -- And now back to "Durwood, the Obese Elf". - Woo - He really shouldn't wear those green tights.
ga171130 -- Well, I did it again! I fell off the roof trying to put up decorations! I landed right on my head! - I'm okay now, though. - Are you going to answer the phone, or should I get it? You get it.
ga171201 -- Wow, Jon...how did you get your christmas tree to stand so straight? - Oh, it wasn't hard at all, Liz...not for ME, anyway. - It just took some basic structural engineering. He duct-taped it to a coat rack.
ga170202 -- Let's see...should I get Odie a squeaky bone or a dingle ball? - What the heck, it's chistmas...I'll get him both! - And what would YOU like? To slap you silly.
ga170203 -- - - - - - - Our giant inflatable Rudolph blew over again.
ga171204 -- I should bake some christmas cookies. - - I mean, I WILL bake some christmas cookies. Good call, noel boy.
ga171205 -- Well, THOSE christmas cookies didn't last long. Burrrp - They were so good, though. - You know you're supposed to bake them first. Now you're just boring me with details.
ga171206 -- Dear Santa, How have you been? How is Mrs. Claus? How are the reindeer and elves? - How's your weather been? We have had a mild winter here so far. - I like to begin with a little idle chitchat before I make with the begging.
ga171207 -- Dear Santa, - Attached are the dimensions of our kitchen, along with the specifications for our gas hookup. - Still trying, huh? Someday he'll bring that pizza oven.
ga171208 -- Garfield, do you hear that awful noise?! Yeah. - It sounds like a wounded WATER BUFFALO.  Not to worry... - Or a hyena with a hernia. It's just Jon caroling.
ga171209 -- ...and here we have footage of a christmas caroler actually being heckled. - BOOOO! BOOOO! YOU STINK! BOOOOOOOO! - Didn't your mom make you that sweater?
ga171210 -- Garfield...Garrrr-field...GARRRR-FIEEEEEELD... - GARRRRRRR-FIEEEEELLLLD... - Who are you? I am the ghost of christmas past! - Then who are you? I am the ghost of christmas present! - Annnd that would make you... The ghost of christmas future!
ga171210 -- - - And you? I'm the dead bulb on your christmas tree. AAAH!
ga171211 -- Christmas shopping is easy! Now, all I have to do is enter my credit card number! - - tic tic tic Don't bother. I already have it memorized.
ga171212 -- - Oh, please, oh please, oh please, oh please... - AAAGGGHHH Every time.
ga171213 -- Good evening. I'm tonight's christmas dream. A lump of coal? - I just have a couple of questions. Shoot. - What's your stocking size? This is not good.
ga171214 -- Merry Christmas, Garfield! - That is THE stupidest thing I have ever seen. - With the exception of that.
ga171215 -- How do I look, Garfield? - It's my new christmas sweater and antler hat! - Don we now our nerd apparel.
ga171216 -- Maybe I just need to think more like Liz... - If I were her, what would I want for Christmas? - A real man? Stop with the cheey grin.
ga171217 -- Sigh... bip bip boop bip boop - I don't know what to get you for Christmas, Liz. Ohm Jon, you don't have to get me anything. - You tell me that every year! And then you go out and get ME something REALLY nive, and I feel like a horrible
ga171217 -- boyfriend! I bet you've already done it, haven't you?! I bet you've gotten me something really nice! - - Haven't you? Yes. - You're evil. I love you, too.
ga171218 -- One week to Christmas, Pooky! Can you stand the excitement?! - - Don't be fooled. Under that calm exterior, he's a quivering mess.
ga171219 -- I wonder what Odie would like for Christmas. He wasn't sure. - So I told him he might find some ideas online. - STINKY, SMELLY THINGS
ga171220 -- - - You haven't lived until you've tried his homemade mousenog.
ga171221 -- Winter... - FUMP - has arrived.
ga171222 -- - - Back off.
ga171223 -- Christmas eve eve. - - Maximum anticipation has been achieved.
ga171224 -- - - - - - Woo-hoo! - 
ga171225 -- MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME! - And to you, too, Jon... - If there's anything left over.
ga171226 -- I'm always sad when Christmas is over. - - Sigh
ga171227 -- And so ends another Christmas. Yup. - - Oh, and thanks LOADS for the cat toy. I regift because I care.
ga171228 -- Did you like my homemade Christmas stuffing, Jon? - BURP - Garfield did. Next year she should make enough for you, too.
ga171229 -- Do you have any resolutions for the new year, Garfield? Nope. - You can't improve on perfection. THACK
ga171230 -- I'm taking Liz out for New Year's Eve, Garfield. - It'll be a night of fine dining and celebrating! Ah. - Back to Binky Burger to watch the clown drop.
ga171231 -- THE EXCITEMENT MOUNTS! - OKAY, EVERYONE!... - TEN!...NINE!...EIGHT!... - SEVEN!...SIX!...FIVE!... Are you ready to officially kick off the new year, Odie? - FOUR!...THREE!...TWO!...ONE!... - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! KICK!
ga180101 -- - - Boy, that was some party last night. I noticed.
ga180102 -- Why so tired? - I built a snowman today. -
ga180103 -- "Dear Ask A Dog"... - "Do dogs really eat homework?" - munch munch munch
ga180104 -- Today is the birthday of Marvin J. Fuddlestone. Who? - He revolutionized sock-drawer organization. How dull. - He was burried in a giant anklet. How disturbing.
ga180105 -- Three...two... - one... - Friday face!
ga180106 -- I just scored concert tickets! - Two seats, front row, center! - "Accordion Fest: Night of a thousand Polkas"! Um... I'll distract him. You run.
ga180107 -- - NO CATA ALLOWED - NONE - THIS MEANS YOU! - HEY! - OKAY, OKAY - JUST ONE
ga180108 -- I'm thinking about exercising. - Thinking about it...thinking about it... - OKay, I'm done. Now I'm thinking about pudding.
ga180109 -- The world is my playground. - Sigh... - And the big kids are hogging the swings.
ga180110 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Good times! I must be missing something.
ga180111 -- Hot dogs! Ice cream! - What to do? - What's that? A new taste sensation!
ga180112 -- WHY IS THERE A MOUSE IN THIS HOUSE?!! - whisper whisper whisper - For the free Wi-Fi.
ga180113 -- I forgot Liz's birthday! - Not to worry, Jon. - Where are you going? To notify your next of kin.
ga180114 -- - -> - <- - -> - <- - -> <- Fun with rule followers.
ga180115 -- Are you going to sleep all day? All in favor? - - Z
ga180116 -- Garfield... - I know it's cold out today, but... - What if someone else wants hot chocolate? Then they should be me.
ga180117 -- Time to start off into space. - Odie! - ItÄs cheating if you're actually looking at something.
ga180118 -- This will be our first anniversary without my husband, Walter. - It must be hard for you. I'm so sorry, Agnes. Thanks, Helen. - What happened to Walter, anyway? I ate him.
ga180119 -- Let's go shoe shopping! Or... - - Shoe shopping it is! Wise choice.
ga180120 -- GOOD HEALTH --> - <-- DONUTS -
ga180121 -- - Hey! You call that "Just Sitting There"?! - You don't look NEARLY bored enough, mister! - I'd like to see something more along THESE lines... - And for Pete's sake, SLOUCH! - There! That's more like it! - It's tough living with a cat with
ga180121 -- such low standards. Odie! You call that drinking out of the toilet?!
ga180122 -- Today's the day! No more mister nice guy! - SLUP - MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Switching to dark roast. How evil.
ga180123 -- When I go out, do you feel sad? Oh, yeah! - I put on a sad face, and do a sad dance... - I'm thinking "no". - ...and the sad party I throw.
ga180124 -- ECHO POINT I can't think of anything to say. - Meow! - Meow! Meow! Meow! Okay! MEOW!
ga180125 -- Sending a text to Liz... "How do I love thee? Let me text the ways". tap tap - Oops! I sent that to Mrs. Feeny by mistake. Poor Jon. - ping! Mrs. Feeny is wondering what I'm doing saturday night. Poor Mrs. Feeny.
ga180126 -- Is that a TIE you're wearing, Garfield? - Yes, it is. - I found it in a trendy little dumpster down the street.  Niiice!
ga180127 -- Here's the plan, Odie. I'll hit Jon with this snowball, and you close the window before he can throw one back. Ready? - Take that, Jon! SPLOT! - A little quick on the draw there, Ace.
ga180128 -- - No, I don't want to play fetch - No, I don't need a hug. - No, I don't know the dog secret handshake. - And no, you can bury that yourself. - See you later, Odie. - Some friends wear me out.
ga180129 -- I'm out of control! - What crazy thing will I do next?! - Z
ga180130 -- A tree just fell on my car! - What should I do?! Jon! Jon! Here's what you do... - WALK to the store to buy my food.
ga180131 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, what can I do to make my dog's breath more pleasant?" - Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. - Buy mint-flavored slippers.
ga180201 -- - - Have you tried doing sit-ups?
ga180202 -- Do you think of me often, Garfield? Oh, sure! - Assuming that thinking of you thinking of me counts?
ga180203 -- I don't have a problem in the world! - - My arm is stuck! That's one.
ga180204 -- . Sorry I'm late. You're not late. - I'm not? Nope, right on time. - Are you sure? Absolutely. - Well, darn. - I had a really good excuse. Go ahead. - There was this fire-breathing dogcatcher... Get to the "really good" part.
ga180205 -- 24 hors in a day. - Or, as I like to think of it... - 5 meals, 4 naps, 11 snacks and a couple of TV shows.
ga180206 -- I call it "Evolution of Snowman".
ga180207 -- "Dear ask a dog, I'm angry with my mailman. What should I do?" arf arf arf - Bite him. But first... arf arf arf - Make sure that you've had all your shots.
ga180208 -- They say that doing housework is great exercise. - Jon! What a great idea! - I'll clean out the refrigerator!
ga180209 -- What did you guys have for lunch today? Pizza. - Ooo! Do you have any left? Leftover pizza?... - In THIS house?! Yeah, there's some in the kitchen, next to the unicorn.
ga180210 -- I see by my watch... - That it's time to... - wonder why I'm wearing a watch.
ga180211 -- type - send - * ping * - send - * ping * - send - * ping
ga180212 -- Woo-hoo! - It's the weekend! - Friday is a state of mind.
ga180313 -- - Here you go, Garfield. - Still warm from the dryer.
ga180214 -- Do you think I shed too much? - Arlene, if anything, you don't shed enough. - * Cat sweet talk.
ga180215 -- - BUTCHER SHOP - I see you have made some new friends.
ga180216 -- Got a weather alert. There's a big storm coming. * ping! ping! Who cares? - Lots of businesses closing early. Whatever. - The pizza parlor... WE'RE DOOMED!
ga180217 -- Sometimes I have no idea what I'm doing. Whoa - I always know what I'm doing. - He's lucky.
ga180218 -- Z - YAWN - errrrggghhhh - hurrrrrrrrrrrgggggggh - yeeeeuuuuugggghhhh - - Aren't you getting up? I was going to, but the stretching wore me out.
ga180219 -- - I'm awake. - It's about time. No parade?
ga180220 -- I like to live in the moment. - - As long as the moment includes pizza.
ga180221 -- BOOT! - - Thank you for flying Garfield Airlines!
ga180222 -- In school ,I had a big crush on this girl... - Betty-Jo Bobby-Sue Mary-Jane Anna-Lee Beck-Lou Wandy-June Ed. - She was named after her six aunts and one uncle. One weird family.
ga180223 -- ...and that's what I'd like to do this weekend. Z - Z - HEY! Of course you're not fat!
ga180224 -- GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! - I DECIDED TO LEAVE THE ROOM?!
ga180225 -- - * boop - - - PIZZA - - Garfield? BURP
ga180226 -- Sometimes I just can't sleep. - Z - This isn't one of those times.
ga180227 -- All right, Garfield! - You catch those mice! Sure... - Right after my manicure.
ga180228 -- BEWARE OF DOG - A STINKY - WET DOG Okay,I'm out.
ga180301 -- Do you know that dogs are related to wolves? - - Very, very embarrassed wolves.
ga180302 -- I'd like to order a pizza. Certainly, sir...what size? - Give me the Garfield. Wow! The Garfield?! - Yes, I know that pizza can feed twenty people. Or one Garfield!
ga180303 -- "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"! - OW! - TOE CRAMP! TOE CRAMP! He's such an inspiration.
ga180304 -- - - - - HA! IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?! - - Never call march's bluff.
ga180305 -- Pooky, should we exercise, or just sit here? - - Have it your way.
ga180306 -- That cloud looks like a cow. - Moo! - Windy today. You don't know the half of it.
ga180307 -- bat - bat - It's not as easy as it looks.
ga180308 -- I make the world a cooler place. - - But even I can do only so much.
ga180309 -- Would you like to hold paws? Is there food in your paw? - No. - Well? I'm trying to follow your logic.
ga180310 -- - plink OW! - Look! You're shedding too!
ga180311 -- - - - - Come on, Odie. Show me what you've got. - It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for.
ga180312 -- Just look at you... - Garfield, will you ever stop being lazy? - I could stop, but I'm no quitter, pal.
ga180313 -- Let's see what nature's up to. - - Out of order.
ga180314 -- I am so tired. - Sorry, Odie. I don't have the energy to kick you today. - We all have our disappointments.
ga180315 -- I've been giving the future a lot of thought. - And, well... - I don't see anything. What a waste of your past.
ga180316 -- Arlene, your eyes are like limpid pools of water. How sweet! - With goldfish swimmming around in them... Uh... - Tender, succulent goldfish. Okay, now you're creeping me out.
ga180317 -- It's time for Garfield's Helpful Household Hints. - Got a squeaky hinge on a door? - Feed your cat lasagna!
ga180318 -- - - - - - Sigh - What is it, Garfield? Thought I saw a bud on the rose.
ga180319 -- HOOP! HOOP! Jon is preparing for his annual "Dance to Spring". - GUH! And no, he's not stretching. - This thing gets tighter every year. - I think you need to let out your stem.
ga180320 -- How, exactly, do bees make honey? - MAKE honey? - I've been buying it at the store. Idiot.
ga180321 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - Sorry I'm late. Shall I start over? - Just give me a summary. Bark.
ga180322 -- Z - The Roman Empire rose and fell again. - Long nap...
ga180323 -- I'm finally getting my man cave! It's about time. -  I asked Liz to help me decorate. Uh-oh. - I'm thinking a scrapbooking table over here... Goodbye man cave, hello craft room.
ga180324 -- Hey, Garfield! - What do you think of the raisins I added to the mashed potatoes? -
ga180325 -- zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz - Who are you? The first housefly of spring! - Aren't you going to welcome me? - SWAT - I was hoping for something a little more FESTIVE! - SWAT - Huzzah I hate you!
ga180326 -- Today's word is "somnolence". - Allow me to use it in a sentence. - Z
ga180327 -- * ping! - * ping! * ping! - Why is a mouse texting you sad-faced emojis? We're out of cheese.
ga180328 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, what's with you dogs rooting through the garbage all the time?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Your denial would be more believable if you didn't have a banana peel on your head.
ga180329 -- The cheese for lunch was chewy... - And then I realized that I'd left the plastic wrap on it! - Funny, huh? I was going to say "sad".
ga180330 -- Are you still angy? Yes. - How about now?... YES! - ...now? YES!!! I'll be standing in a safe distance away.
ga180331 -- Times change. True. - I used to be awesome... - Now I'm REALLY awesome!
ga180401 -- - - - - - - ALBUN What happened there? We don't discuss that one.
ga180402 -- My horoscope is intriguing. - It say I'll meet someone strange today. - You are definitely strange. We're out of carrot cake.
ga180403 -- Look at this. - A thank you note from the guy who owns the Pizza Parlor. - Sent from his villa in the south of France! The villa that Garfield built.
ga180404 -- Hreard the news? What news? - According to science, dogs are smarter than cats! - Says the guy who drinks from the toilet.
ga180405 -- Cats are fast. - - Faster than the eye can see.
ga180406 -- Do I look cool, Liz? - I'm over here. - Who said that? The person who doesn't think ypu look cool.
ga180407 -- This has been a long day. - I've been awake for minutes... - And it seems like hours!
ga180408 -- - - - - - POUND! POUND! POUND! POUND! - I told you not to eat that so fast! But it's so GOOD!
ga180409 -- Salad's ready! - Garfield? - SALAD'S READY! I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with that information.
ga180410 -- Pooky, I understand that Jon put you in the washing machne again. What was that like? - - He doesn't like to talk about it.
ga180411 -- Purr Are you thinking about me? - Not at all. No? - I was thinking about sausage craps in a dumpster behind a butcher shop. Purr!
ga180412 -- I hope you liked your dinner. Not bad. - BURP BURP - I give it two burps.
ga180413 -- Do you like my new shoes? Ummmm... Lie and say yes. - Well... Lie and sy yes. - They're kinda... You're supposed to lie and say yes. Play by the rules, dummy!
ga180414 -- We should clean the house. - SMACK! - Why did you do that?! Just changing the channel.
ga180415 -- - - Sigh... - Jon, aren't those coals ready yet? - Not yet. - I don't know why they won't light. - The bag says they're "self-starting". I know where he hides the donuts.
ga180416 -- - I sneezed today. Wow. - How DO you find the time?!
ga180417 -- I'm under a lot of pressure. - BUURRRRRP... - Now, not so much.
ga180418 -- Let's scurry around on the floor. - Nah...cats don't scurry. - Cats stroll.
ga180419 -- Guys do not like sharing their feelings. No, we do not. - - Sharing my feelings makes meanxious... Caaaareful.
ga180420 -- What a cutie-pie! - Hey! - Do you like him better than you like me? Right this second?
ga180421 -- urp sniff sniff - SCHWAK - I really gotta lay off the garlic bread.
ga180422 -- You want Cars?! We've GOT cars!! - Here's a sweet 2009 minivan...candy apple red, and only driven off a cliff twice! - ...and how about this little beauty? Just 30,000 miles, and absolutely no, that's right...NO brakes! - ...want an economy
ga180422 -- car? Look no further! It's V-8, but only four of them work! Think of the gas savings!! - ...like folks to know you're coming? The engine in this stuuner shrieks like a debutante at a rat convention! - ...som come on down to Honest Arnie's
ga180422 -- Used Car Emporium, and push one of these bargains off our lot! - He never sells anything, but he IS honest. Flat soda and day-old balloons for the kids, too!
ga180423 -- Time out! - Ahhhhh... - Isn't that pleasant?
ga180424 -- - ROCK AND ROLL!!! - I always wanted to yell that. It's over, right?
ga180425 -- Cats are better than dogs. - - And less moist.
ga180426 -- WILD BEAR! - YAAAAAH!!! - He gets a kick out of that.
ga180427 -- Liz! Jon! - Liz! - Come on, you owe me one. Jonnnnn...
ga180428 -- I heard a sad story today. Was it about a cat who wanted to have his ears scratched? - Was it about a hungry cat? - It had nothing to do with you. That IS sad.
ga180429 -- - Wow - This really takes me back. - I haven't watched this movie since I was a kid. - I wonder why... - YAAAHH! - Now I remember. The flying monkeys are gone now, Jon.
ga180430 -- You and I are a team, Garfield. - And *I* am the coach. Good. - Then YOU can be fired.
ga180501 -- I love gardening. - I just planted vegetables. - All our canned goods are missing! Darn. Let's have meat.
ga180502 -- You know what's fun? - Well, do you know? Huh? Huh? Okay. I'll bite. What's fun? - Barking at cats. I'll have to try that sometime.
ga180503 -- I haven't seen a mouse all week. Good job, Garfield! - - How was the vacation? Great! But it's always good to get back home.
ga180504 -- Arlene... - Here's a picture of me to keep near your heart. - If it were any bigger, it would be near everybody's heart. What a lovely thought!
ga180505 -- Laziness is contagious. - Right, Jim? - Jim?...
ga180506 -- - Hey, Liz! - Liz! Liz! - Liz! Liz! Liz! Liz! - What IS it, Jon? - Watch this! - BWOINNNG DONK - OW! - Men. Do it again!
ga180507 -- This is interesting... - They say the key to longevity is trying new things. I agree... - Assuming that ice cream flavors count.
ga180508 -- Somebody gave Odie a teddy bear. - - Sorry you had to see that.
ga180509 -- If I'm in here any longer... - I'm going to get all pruny. - Ha! Ha! Get it? Yeah, I know. Fish joke.
ga180510 -- - Not everyone is impressed by you. - Well then, not everyone is paying attention.
ga180511 -- YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK YANK RUNKITTA RUNKITTA RUNKITTA RUNKITTA RUNKITTA RUNKITTA RUNKITTA RUNKITTA - RATS! - Did you get your mower started?
ga180512 -- Times change. - Why, I can remember a time... - When I didn't think about times changing.
ga180513 -- - "Dear Jon, I'm writing this to you to let you know that it's over between us." - "I've thought long and hard about this, and it seems we're just too different for things to ever work out..." - "So I've decided to move away and start a new
ga180513 -- life...you will never see me again." - "Please try to remember the good times we had, and just that this is for the best..." - BURRRRP - "Fondly, the goldfish." Sorry, I get gassy when I'm sad.
ga180514 -- Check the headlines... - Finish my coffee... - Okay, back to work.
ga180515 -- Here comes Jon. - Try to look busy. - Do you have an appointment?
ga180516 -- I like to be treated like a queen. - A queen? Seriously? - I know where there's a fish. Your majesty!
ga180517 -- You should eat more vegetables. What? - More than I'm eating now? ... - More than none whatsoever?
ga180518 -- Hey, Garfield, what say we go on a diet together? Sure! - I'll make sure you only eat what you're supposed to! Of course! - I'll watch you every waking minute! And I'll sneak food while you're sleeping!
ga150819 -- I'm eating healthier these days. - - Sorry, I can't say that with a straight face!
ga180520 -- - - - - - WHO PICKED OUT MY BACON BITS?!
ga180521 -- I don't care about anything. Me neither. - It's part of my "tough guy" persona. Same here. - * DING My cupcakes are ready! Dibs!
ga180522 -- I'm not going to swat you. You're not? - On one condition. Sure! What is it? - Stop being creepy. Swat me.
ga180523 -- Sigh - Time for a vacation. Right, Odie? -
ga180524 -- ** - Meow, meow, meow, meow No, I don't want to buy a rubber mouse. - Telemarketer.
ga180525 -- They say love makes toe world go 'round. - So without it, the world would stop and we would fly off and be killed?! Not literally. - Whew! Don't bother trying to explain things to him.
ga180526 -- I got a paper cut froma book. - Which then dropped on my foot. - That's why I'm limping! I love books with happy endings.
ga180527 -- Okay... - "Boil lasagna noodles in large pot of lightly salted water with a dash of olive oil." - "In a skillet over medium heat, brown beef, sausage and onion. Add garlic, tomatoed and seasoning, simmer for 10 minutes." - "In lightly greased
ga180527 -- pan, layer 1/3 each of noodles, beef mixture and ricotta, parmesan and mozzarella cheeses, repeat layers." - "Top with mozzarella, cover with foil and bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes to one hour". - "Serve six to eight, who eat it and live
ga180527 -- happily ever after, the end." - Now go to sleep. One more time, in your Italian chef voice!
ga180528 -- Have you ever accomplished anything wortwhile? - Hang on... - Check it out.
ga180529 -- GARFIELD! - NERMAL! - click
ga180530 -- There's something I've been meaning to say. - What's that? - BARK! BARK! BARK! I walked right into that one.
ga180531 -- Are you going to stare at your phone through our entire date? - Yes, I am. - Cool.
ga180601 -- Hey, Garfield! - Guess what today is. - National Donut Day! I thought that was every day.
ga180602 -- Is there anything better than fine dining... - And facinating conversation? - Huh? Is there? How should I know?
ga180603 -- ** - Jon, the commercial is over! The movie is back on! - WHAT?! - WHAT?! - WHAT?!! - WHAT?!! - WHAT?!!! Are you guys sure you're not married already?
ga180604 -- How do I do it, you ask? - I'll tell you how I do it. - I don't.
ga180605 -- Let's see...we should do something cultural... - But also fun. Oooh, HERE'S a place... - The Ice Cream Museum! I've never climbed a 40-foot fudge pop!
ga180606 -- It's hard to keep up with all the technology. - Let me help you out, Jon. - This...is a pencil.
ga180607 -- I'm thinking of moving the TV. What?! - Maybe across the room. Let's see... - That should shorten my commute from the kitchen by about six steps. Approved!
ga180608 -- GAAAHHH! - YAH! YAH! YAH! - How was the Thai restaurant? GAH! GAH!
ga180609 -- Does my breath smell like cheese? - Yes, it does. Cool! - That's what the ladies like. Good luck.
ga180610 -- * Yoooooo-hoooooo - You haven't weighed yourself in a while. Why should I? All you do is insult me! - Oh, I do not! Oh, yes you do! - Every time I step on you, you make fun of my weight! - Prove it! Fine! - Wow. Wow what? - You're a SUCKER,
ga180610 -- too, fat boy.
ga180611 -- - * Oh, Garfield ** - That can't be anything good.
ga180612 -- - - Another birthday is out to get me.
ga180613 -- The older I get, the smarter I get. - Why don't they make cars out of cardboard? - Or the dumber others get.
ga180614 -- - - Don't you just love the friend who never stops reminding you that they're younger than you?
ga180615 -- I found your old scrapbook, Garfield. - Look... - Your first hairball! You sentimental weirdo, you.
ga180616 -- Hello, cat. I'll be this evening's 40th-birthday age nightmare. - I don't see any age nightmare. - Look closer.
ga180617 -- - So you're turning 40 this week, huh? Yup. - Wow...that's OLD. - It is not! - Look at me...I'm still young and youthful in everything I say and do! - Yeah, yeah. - Geez...kids these days. -
ga180618 -- Okay, so I'm turning 40. - I suppose I should look on the bright side... - Only ten more years until I get the senior citizen's discount at Donut Barn!
ga180619 -- * Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you... - * Happy birthay, you're FOR-TY...happy birthday to0000 yoooou! - And ma-ny mooooore. *
ga180620 -- Wow...40 years old! The things you must have seen! - Do you remember disco?! Of course. - In this house, it never died.
ga180621 -- So, you're now 40. Yes, I am. - - You look good... Aging well is the best revenge.
ga180622 -- - BURP! - Why do I even look at you? Because you know how to have fun.
ga180623 -- ...and then the chipmunk ate my shoes... - WHILE I WAS STILL WEARING THEM! - I see by your expression that you've been visiting with Jon.
ga180624 -- click - And now, "Attack of the 50-Foot Calzone" click - ..."Creature From The Marinara Lagoon" click - ..."Raiders Of The Lost Cannoli" click - ..."Bring Me The Head Of Fettuccine Alfredo" click - ..."One Flew Over The Lasagna's Nest" click
ga180624 -- - It got awfully quiet in there. I ate the TV.
ga180625 -- I like this sying by Benjamin Franklin. - "Early to bed and early to rise... - makes a man healty, wealthy and wise". And lonely, dateless and boring.
ga180626 -- I'm trying to make the world a bteer place in which to live. - - Then make me a sandwich!
ga180627 -- Dogs are like an open book. - - With a few pages missing.
ga180628 -- It's okay, Garfield... - I sewed the stuffing back into your bear. - Cool-looking scar there, pookman.
ga180629 -- Alrene's angry with me... - But she won't tell me why. - And for that, I thank her.
ga180630 -- Sometimes it seems like the world has gone mad. - - And it's only a tiny bit my fault.
ga180701 -- - Ummm...Liz? - Yes? Do you think I'm a good kisser? - The truth? Well, yeah... - I think you're a GREAT kisser! - SMOOOCH - Guess what Liz said? There's going to be NO living with him.
ga180702 -- They say life is like a highway. - Yes, that is true. - And the mondays are the potholes.
ga180703 -- tappity tappity  tappity tappity - tappity tappity tappity tappity - This is my "Jon burned dinner so we're ordering pizza" dance! tappity tappity tappity
ga180704 -- Is it possible Odie isn't as dumb as he looks? - - Nope.
ga180705 -- I tell Pooky all my secrets. - - A teddy bear can't be compelled to testify against his owner.
ga180706 -- The humidity makes my hair a little frizzy. - What do you do for it? - Inquiring minds want to know.
ga180707 -- I'm sad... - Cookie! - It comes and goes.
ga180708 -- - - - - Surrender, puny earthling! You are no match for our superior... - - Who schedules your invasions? Oh, shut up.
ga180709 -- What's wrong with the world, you ask? - I'll TELL you what's wrong with the world. - It doesn't do enough for me.
ga180710 -- Garfield, did you eat the peanuts? - Maybe. - You could have at least taken them out of their shells. Who has time for details?
ga180711 -- "Dear Ask A Dog,"... - "What exactly is a beef by-product?" - And the world may never know.
ga180712 -- I wish I had a super power. Yeah, right. - What super power would YOU have? - Like the ability to make everything taste like ice cream! My hero!
ga180713 -- We should do something. Let's go to a movie. - Really? You'd take me to a movie? Sure. - People drop a lot of candy and popcorn.
ga180714 -- Jon got me a smaller food dish... - So I'll eat less. - Good plan.
ga180715 -- Whiiiiiine - No, you can't come in! Now leave me alone! - * - - PADDA PADDA PADDA PADDA PADDA PADDA PADDA PADDA BOINNG! - -
ga180716 -- Is it legal for cats to marry? - Garfield? - Are you okay? I can't feel my brain!
ga180717 -- I'm tired. - And it#s no wonder... - Last night I didn't get enough too much sleep.
ga180718 -- ECHO POINT BARK! - - That's because nothing you say is worth repeating.
ga180719 -- I'm smart. - - Did that sound convincing? Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
ga180720 -- Let's go dancing! - You mean where people can SEE us?! - What would make Liz so shy? I don't know this man.
ga180721 -- It's never too late... - - to give up.
ga180722 -- Just look at you! - It's a beautiful day, and you're stitting inside watching television! - And what's that junk you're snacking on?! Aren't you fat enough already?! - And look now how CLOSE you're sitting to me! Are you TRYING to ruin your
ga180722 -- eyes?! - And have you called your mother lately?! - And have you brushed your teeth today?!...for TWO MINUTES?!! - When did we get the nagging channel? I think it's part of the basic guilt package.
ga180723 -- - - Cat Ballet.
ga180724 -- * Meeeoooooooowwww... - * Boobopdadeebopadoo * - Cat jazz.
ga180725 -- Whine... - What's the big deal? Rowrrr - Unfriended by a squirrel.
ga180726 -- OW! - Paper cut! - Get it? Don't quit the day job.
ga180727 -- I was talking to Liz... - She says that we need to start eating healthier. - And you know what that means. Right. Start stockpiling donuts.
ga180728 -- The world will long remember me! - They'll say "What a great cat, that...uh..." - "...Garfield!"
ga180729 -- Wha?!... - Hello, I'm a frozen caveman from the last ice age. - And now I'm all thawed out! - So this is the modern world, huh? This is it. - What's that? Modern man. - - Well, back to the glacier. Have a nice nap.
ga180730 -- I'm warming up...I'm warming up... - ONE!! - I'm cooling down...I'm cooling down...
ga180731 -- You should examine your life. Okay. - Hmmm... - I'm great! Dig a little deeper.
ga180801 -- Have you heard that dogs are man's best friend? Uh-huh. - - My owner is a moron. Small world.
ga180802 -- Here the lion attacks his prey. Just like me! - - Although I would have used some steak sauce.
ga180803 -- Sigh - That was my sign of happiness! - I wanted to make sure she didn't confuse it with some other sigh. Sigh.
ga180804 -- - You have behaved yourself all day. - The day is not over.
ga180805 -- - sniff sniff - sniff sniff - sniff sniff - sniff sniff - sniff sniff - If you grill it, they will come.
ga180806 -- - Don't you have anything better to do? - I am pleased to inform you that we do not.
ga180807 -- tic tic tic tic - YES! - You CAN bake apie inside a cake!
ga180808 -- - Missed. - It's Odie's birthday.
ga180809 -- I am King of the House! - - You can be prince.
ga180810 -- I broke a lamp today. - I broke two saucers AND a vase! - Awesome! We take a lot of pride in being cats.
ga180811 -- Do I enjoy engaging conversation, you ask? - Do my elbows match? - We may never know.
ga180812 -- Z - GARFIELD! GARFIED! - GARFIELD! COME QUICK! - HURRY!! HURRY!! - - - *I* happen to think rainbows are SPECIAL! So are my naps.
ga180813 -- I'm bored. - Let's do something fun! Sorry. - I'm committed to boredom.
ga180814 -- An exercise tip from Garfield the Cat... - Before doing strenuous exercise, you must spend an appropriate amount of time stretching. - I recommend eight to twelve hours.
ga180815 -- I'n on vacation. - So I'm only being half as cute as usual. - Still too much.
ga180816 -- I may look like a frog, but I', really an enchanted prince. - He probably wants a kiss from the princess. - You can break the spell by giving me your credit card number. Didn't see that coming.
ga180817 -- Everyone should be nice to animals. So true. - - Unless they taste good. Truer yet!
ga180818 -- Cat hair coming through! - - That had better not have been that spider. hee hee hee
ga180819 -- Sigh... - This sure brings back memories, Garfield. - I used to do this back on the farm when I was a boy. - On summer nights, after my chores were done, I'd go out to the pasture... - Lie on my back in the graff, and stare up at the
ga180819 -- stars...just like this. - - Boy, was that stupid. Cows are so uncivilized.
ga180820 -- I've eaten so much I can't move! - - Not that I wanted to.
ga180821 -- I won! I won!! - I'm so excited! - A two-week vacation at the beach! Not the brightest snowman.
ga180822 -- Ha! You and that teddy bear! - - I wish *I* had a teddy bear. Ha!
ga180823 -- It's the invasion of the Ravenous Beetles! - But there's just one of you. What?! - Come on, guys! You said you'd back me up! But we just ate. URP You go ahead.
ga180824 -- I'm here to bring joy into your life. - - Leaving already? I'm saving a little joy for myself.
ga180825 -- I bit my tongue today. Oh? - Not on purpose, right? - Riiiight? He wondered what it would taste like.
ga180826 -- - Why so glum, Garfield? - Look on the bright side... - You have so much to be happy about! - PLenty of food... - - Okay, that's about it. That's not a bad list.
ga180827 -- Let's start the week with an inspirational thought. - - DIE, MONDAY, DIE!!!
ga180828 -- I always try my best. - That'll never work. You should try somebody else's best.
ga180829 -- Have you lost weight? - You must be working out. - You look so young! Beware of Insincere Dog Yeah, yeah, yeah...
ga180830 -- You're not half as great as you think you are. - Whoa... - That's still pretty good.
ga180831 -- How do I love thee? - Let me count the ways.. - Pepperoni...sausage and onion...extra cheese... Another pizza poem?
ga180901 -- Thanks for watching. Why is he wearing pajamas? - Good night. - Z Ah.
ga180902 -- Let's see... - What about my lime green corduroy blazer, canary yellow golf pants and cowboy boots? No. - Or my blue serge dinner jacket with cargo shorts, black knee socks and sandals? No. - Well, there IS my neon orange herringbone
ga180902 -- lederhosen with the bolo tie and wing tip shoes. NO. - Jon, don't you have anything NICE to wear? - - ...Jon? Time to break out the LEISURE suit. I'll get the safety goggles.
ga180903 -- Time to celebrate! It's... - - National Scyscraper Day! Woo-hoo! Let's eat!
ga180904 -- Welcome to "Garfield's Really Excellent Bedtime Stories". - "Once upon a time..." - Z
ga180905 -- Odie has dug a hole. - It's a really good one, too. - Right, Jon? A little help...
ga180906 -- Do you think everything has a purpose? - Absolutely! - Mine is to keep the donut population under control.
ga180907 -- It's friday! Let the fun begin! - Who wants to hear a polka?! - Let the fun end!
ga180908 -- "To lose weight, you need to burn calories." - "Walking a mile burns 100 calories. Swimming burns 500 calories an hour." - Lying there burns zero calories! How many calories can I burn by smacking you with a diet book?
ga180909 -- - - - - - - You don't waste a single ray, do you, Garfield?
ga180910 -- This takes a lot of effort. - Well, not a LOT of effort. - Just enough.
ga180911 -- Jon's yard work skills are iffy. - RUNAWAY LAWN MOWER! - Albeit entertaining.
ga180912 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, how many different kinds of dogs are there?" - bark bark - Two. Good dogs and bad dogs.
ga180913 -- You shouldn't eat in bed. - I wonder why not. - Oh. Possibly because of the crumbs.
ga180914 -- You look really nice, Liz. Jon must really be in trouble. - Is that a new hairstyle? Oh, BIG trouble. - And have you lost weight? Leaving-the-country-and-changing-his-identity-trouble.
ga180915 -- If a cat lives in your house, you are very lucky. - - Even if you may not realize it.
ga180916 -- Jon? Hi, Liz. - Jon, you look TERRIBLE! I know. - I haven't been able to take a bath for three days. - Why? Are you sick? No. - Is it a plumbing problem?...did you forget to pay your water bill? - Well, WHY, then?! - Found it.
ga180917 -- You are watching the Drying Paint Network. - Okay, let's give it a touch... - Stillll a little wet. Oh, come ON!
ga180918 -- I like lasagna. - - Which has cheese in it. OOOOOO!
ga180919 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Not yet! - Got a new sound effects guy. Ah.
ga180920 -- OW! - I spilled coffee on my lap! - Sugar?
ga180921 -- Suerly there's something better to do than staring off into space. - Oh, there is! - Z Z
ga180922 -- scratch scratch - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch GAAHHH! scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga180922 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch Summer's not over until the last mosquito bite has been itched.
ga180923 -- - - - - FWAFF - Miiiiiiiiight be about time to put away the ol'pool.
ga180924 -- Time is running out, Garfield. - Okay... - What else is time going to do?
ga180925 -- I have a new philosophy, Garfield. And that would be? - I'm going to live each day like it's my bithday. Why is that? - That way we can eat more cake! Great stomachs think alike!
ga180926 -- Sigh. Tough day. - How tough is it, you ask? - Even my teddy bear needs a teddy bear.
ga180927 -- I...am...the... - world's...fastest... - Turtle? DON'T...RUSH!...ME!...
ga180928 -- - - Jon burned the hamburgers again. SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
ga180929 -- There wasn't enough time in the day to get everything done. - Sigh. - Of course, I was only awake for 45 minutes.
ga180930 -- - BAT - BAT - BAT BAT BAT BAT - BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT - BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT -
ga181001 -- - The only bad thing about a good night's sleep... - It messes with a good day's sleep.
ga181002 -- It's a shame that you don't have anybody else to hang out with. - What? - No, he was talking to ME.
ga181003 -- BURP - KICK! - -and never stopped being cute! I hate you.
ga181004 -- Remember the time I said something funny? DO I?! - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - No.
ga181005 -- ...and that's why you shouldn't flip pancakes too high. - And you're telling me this why? - Neve rmind.
ga181006 -- Liz said we need to eat more greens. - No problem. - And green sprinkles on donuts do not count. There went my loophole!
ga181007 -- - GLOMP - BURRRRRP - FOOOOOOOOF - - - -
ga181008 -- Today is my lucky day! - - Unless it's tomorrow. It's tomorrow.
ga181009 -- - BAKERY - How can blueberry muffins be extinct? Why BURP ask me?
ga181010 -- Wow! Look at that, Odie! A falling star! - Did you make a wish? - So how was stargazing?
ga181011 -- Something seems odd. - Oh, yeah. - I'm in a good mood! Sorry I'm late!
ga181012 -- Lazy me. I slept through yesterday. - - There was a yesterday?
ga181013 -- Pants are very expensive if you're a spider. - But you don't wear pants. - AND NOW YOU KNOW WHY!
ga181014 -- - - - - - - 
ga181015 -- I am here. Feel free to squeal with glee and shed tears of happiness. - YAWN! - I'll come back after you've composed yourself.
ga181016 -- I like to watch the seasons change. - From summer to autumn... - Or as I prefer to call it, from ice cream to fresh baked cookies.
ga181017 -- We spend too much time staring at our phones. I'm putting mine down! That's niche. - -
ga181018 -- By holding perfectly still, I prevent my prey from seeing me. - Hey! Look at that fat cat i the bushes over there! - That wasn't my prey.
ga181019 -- Everybody ready for movie night? - Tonight's film: "Polka, Polka, Polka! The Untold History of the Accordion". - And-a-one, and-a-two...
ga181020 -- I wonder what's going on today? - Ow! - Besides having a sore neck.
ga181021 -- - It's that time of year again...sweater weather. - - - - - Turn up the heat!
ga181022 -- You should pattern your life after mine! - - See? It's not that hard.
ga181023 -- And now the conclusion of "Dracula Versus a Truck!. - Hey! You parked on my foot! - But that doesn't bother me! Mwah-hahahahahaha! And here comes the sun.
ga181024 -- Nooo! - It can't be! - I've run out of moisturizer! The Mummy's Curse.
ga181025 -- Every day brings something new. - I think the guy across the street is a zombie. - And I wish I could cut it out.
ga181026 -- Brilliant! - Dracula is powerless against it! - Why didn't we think of this before?! Turtleneck sweaters?
ga181027 -- GLITCH! RATS!! - - You just can't carve a grape.
ga181028 -- click - ** DING-DONG Coming! - Yes?... - SHRIEEEEEEK! Hi! You must be Sherri! - YEEEEHHHH!! You sure look very pretty. - YEEEEEEEEEK!!! What would you like to do this evening? - You are watching "Godzilla Goes On A Blind Date". What say we
ga181028 -- step out on the town? He looks good in a suit.
ga181029 -- It's National Cat Day. It is? - Whoa... - I thought that was every day.
ga181030 -- Hey, nice costume, Goldy! - - GARFIELD!! Nobody here but us pumpkins.
ga181031 -- I am Zardog, Devourer of Worlds! - I have come to eat your planet! - What kind of dipping sauces do you have? Ooh! Pick honey mustard!
ga181101 -- I only want what's best for us, Garfield. - Or second.best. - Well, maybe third-best. You're getting warmer.
ga181102 -- Liz, if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? - Seriously? - I guess I should think of better questions. "When do we eat?" is a good question.
ga181103 -- Cats love to play with empty bags. - - And emptying them is half of the fun.
ga181104 -- ** - And now back to "Dog Horror Theater". - Bye, Scruffy! See you tonight! SLAM! - tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock - tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock - tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock
ga181104 -- tick-tock - HI. Scruffy! Bet you thought I'd NEVER get home!
ga181105 -- I should take a break from this. - - Except that I don't think there is one.
ga181106 -- I had a dream that martians were controlling me with a laser brain ray. - - Beep. All righty.
ga181107 -- My experiment has gone horribly wrong! I've turned into a FLY... - A fly the size of a MAN! - Now THERE'S some good eatin'!
ga181108 -- zzzz - zzzzzzz - You don't see a lot of bees wearing sweaters.
ga181109 -- Thanks. Enjoy. - Oh, great! This pizza was supposed to be half-and-half! - No big deal! I'll just pick the mouse heads off your side.
ga181110 -- - What are YOU looking at?! - Life would be easier to observe through a one-way window.
ga181111 -- - - Let me tell you about my day. - Farfield, let's talk nutrition. - BARK! - And in the news today... - You said it, Pooky.
ga181112 -- Happy monday! - This is the best day ever! - And, in case you missed it, this is called "sarcasm".
ga181113 -- I'm nice. - - Ask ALMOST anybody.
ga181114 -- - You'll have to go without me. - I just don't care for opera.
ga181115 -- I am ready for what lies ahead. - - Unless it comes from that direction.
ga181116 -- - YAWN! - Am I boring you? Yes, thank you.
ga181117 -- Garfield, it's saturday. - Isn't it a little early for your monsay face? - Just getting into character.
ga181118 -- SLAM! - Hi, boy, am I stuffed!  pat pat pat - Say, which way to the kitchen? I've got me a date with an oven! Down the hall. - Thanks, pal! I'll save you a leg! - My annual turkey dream... - - Someone order a gravy boat, giblets, candied yams
ga181118 -- and apple pie? Just got even better.
ga181119 -- I made a list of chores. - Eat the leftover pizza, finish the bag of chips, drink the last can of soda... - Work! Work! Work!
ga181120 -- This article says that for good health... - It's important to stay hydrated. - That means you must have plenty of liquids. Does marinara sauce count?
ga181121 -- A new study says eating donuts will help you live to be a hundred! - We need to eat more donuts! - Amazing what you can do with a computer, newsprint and a big honking printer.
ga181122 -- - BURP! - Is lunch over? Halftime.
ga181123 -- Where's Garfield? He couldn't make it... - So he sent me in his place to keep you company at dinner. - And he wants me to bring the leftovers. Mister Romantic.
ga181124 -- You know, Garfield, OTHER cats scamper around and do funny things! - Fine. - You don't dare. Look, do you want comedy or don't you?
ga181125 -- - Wow...what a great meal that was. - Everything was delicious, Liz... - Your mashed potatoes are even better than my Mom's! - - * beedle beedle beedle - * beedle beedle beedle It's my mom. Uh-oh. She heard you.
ga181126 -- So much food is wasted. - Simply thrown away. - Thank you!
ga181127 -- "Dear ask a dog..." - "Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!" - Sorry, we don't speak goose.
ga181128 -- Are you warm enough, Pooky? - Hang on. - Is that my sweater? Not anymore.
ga181129 -- A hog weighs 700 pounds... - A cow weighs 1,600 pounds... - I wonder what YOU weigh. Shut up, or I'll sit on you.
ga181130 -- Remember, Garfield... - People are nice to you... - When YOU ar enice to THEM. There's always a catch!
ga181201 -- I've got it all. - - Although I'm not quite sure what it is.
ga181202 -- Good news, Odie! - I found your missing bone! - But I lost it again! - But I found it again! - Then I ran away and joined the circus. - But I got homesick and came back! - And Jon threw it away! SLAP!
ga181203 -- I can't decide what to do today. - So maybe I just won't do anything. - Sometimes the best course of action is to do nothing. You're preaching the choir, brother.
ga181204 -- - SLAP! DOH! - It's good that one of us is keeping an eye on the calendar.
ga181205 -- You know, Garfield, christmas isn't too far off. - That can only mean on ething... - Santa's spies are around.
ga181206 -- BANG! BANG! BANG! Arrgh! The nail's bent! - BANG! BANG! BANG! Agghhh! Hole in the wall! - Ow! Plaster in my eye! And thus we herald Jon't time-honored tradition of christmas decoration and home demolition.
ga181207 -- The tree is up! - CRASH!! - The tree is down. It's a cat thing.
ga181208 -- I hope that Santa brings me something wonderful. - Like what? A new chain! I'll put in a good word for you.
ga181209 -- Soooooo... - Need any suggestions for mi christmas present this year, Liz? - Oh, I already finished all my christmas shopping last month. - I've also wrapped everything, written and addressed all my christmas cards... - AND picked out an
ga181209 -- outfit for new year's eve! - - How organized can you GET? She's taking the tree down.
ga181210 -- Dear Santa, I have been good. Please bring me lots of presents. Love, Garfield. type type type - - #GimmeGimmeGimme type type type
ga181211 -- Santa knows if you've been bad...he keeps a list, you know. - Guess that leaves only one thing to do. - Someone hacked your naughty folder.
ga181212 -- As christmas approaches... - Make sure they know your size. - An extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra gigundous pizza extremo supremo? You missed an "extra".
ga181213 -- One of the outside christmas bulbs burned out. - - They can see our house from the space station!
ga181214 -- - - Did you see my giant inflatable Santa?
ga181215 -- slosh slosh slosh slosh - slosh slosh slosh slosh - Somethings tells me we're out of eggnogg.
ga181216 -- - I'm sorry I don't have anything to give you for christmas, Garfield. - I actually DID gt you a big juicy rat... - But I was really hungry, so I ate it myself. - That's okay, Arlene. It's the thought that counts. - * sigh - -
ga181217 -- Garfield's Christmas list: - - How's your printer ink supply?
ga181218 -- I'm not good at wrapping presents. - Thank goodness. - I was afraid that he WAS the present.
ga181219 -- And now back to "The Christmas Miracle". - - There's not one burned-out bulb on that ttree. That's the miracle.
ga181220 -- Christmas is almost here, and I've been good the entire month of december. - I don't even know me anymore. - I don't even LIKE me anymore.
ga181221 -- Spider Claus, they're calling for heavy FOG on Christmas eve. So I hear! - Not a problem, though! Oh? Who will ride your sleigh? - Rudolph, the red-nosed gnat!
ga181222 -- Is that you, Santa? - Uh, no. - Can there be more than one flying chubby guy?
ga181223 -- - * owoooooooo - * laaaaaaahhh - * rowwwrrrrr - * ROOORCH ** - - * owooooolaaaaahrowrrr **
ga181224 -- This year I'm FINALLY gonna catch Santa in the act! - Thanks for the milk and cookies. Don't mention it. - 
ga181225 -- It's Christmas! Don't blink! - - You blinked.
ga181226 -- - BURP! - I STILL say you switched the tag on my cheese log. MY cheese log.
ga181227 -- Come on, Garfield. I just want to get a nice picture of the Christmas sweater my mom made for you. - ...so SMILE. - I AM smiling.
ga181228 -- I refuse to believe Christmas is really over. - DRAG DRAG DRAG DRAG CLUNK - SIGH
ga181229 -- Well, there it is. The last Christmas cookie. - If we eat it, Christmas will really be over. - In time, our hearts will mend.
ga181230 -- Okay, listen up... - Liz and I are going out on New Year's eve, and I've decided NOT to get a pet sitter. - I think you're both old enough and mature enough to handle being on your own now. - And I know you'll behave yourselves and make me
ga182130 -- proud. - - -
ga181231 -- I can see the future, and it's going to be wonderful.. - There will be peace, harmony... - ...and lots of pie.
ga190101 -- Life has its ups and downs. - - This is an "up".
ga190102 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, is a dog's bark worse than his bite?" - Yip! Yip! Yip! - Yes, but only if the dog wears dentures.
ga190103 -- tap tap tap BAM! OW! MY THUMB! - tap tap tap BAM! OW! MY THUMB! - I've decided not to hang that picture. Run out of thumbs?
ga190104 -- I admire people with integrity. - Integrity? I have LOTS of integrity! - Really? Yeah, I stole it off a guy.
ga190105 -- - Don't even think about it. - My face told on me.
ga190106 -- WAH! WUMP! - WAH! WUMP! - WAH! WUMP! - WAH! WUMP! - WAH! WUMP! - WAH! WUMP! I guess I was wrong. - I thought ice skating would be a fun date night. WAH! WUMP! I'm having a ball.
ga190107 -- Today's forecast... - Boring, with a 50 percent chance of dull. - Hi, Garfield. Make that 100 percent.
ga190108 -- Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... Jon is telling me about his day. - Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... His boring, boring day. - Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... That just took an interesting turn!
ga190109 -- Grrrr. I hate cats! - Cats drive me crazy! - And you're really good at it! The pleasure is all mine.
ga190110 -- I don't have a problem in the world! - Oh, wait... - I was thinking of some other world. Then you should go there.
ga190111 -- Jon, please don't make a fuss over my birthday. - Are you sure? Absolutely. - I have to make a fuss over Liz's birthday. Absolutely.
ga190112 -- Come on down! - Check out our new arrivals... - "Wet Dog" and "Possum Carcass"! - Never buy scented candles at a pet store.
ga190113 -- Hmmm... I woonder... - How do those dead flies get inside light fixtures? Uh-oh. Jon's wondering things again. - Does it really help to press harder on the remote control buttons when the batteries are getting low? - Could we talk faster if
ga190113 -- we had three lips? What does the inside of your nose smell like? Would milk taste different if cows ate hamburgers?... - ARRRGHHH - - How DO those dead flies get inside light fixtures?
ga190114 -- Coming up, on Cliffhanger Theater... - - 
ga190115 -- What are those mice doing in the living room?! - I believe that's the hokey-pokey. - Garfield... Hang on. Now they're doing a conga line.
ga190116 -- - ZWIP - Yeah, squirrels sire are mean, Odie.
ga190117 -- Help! This is way too much pizza for me to eat! - I'LL save you!
ga190118 -- What good are you?! Why are you even here?! - You're worthless! - Yelling at empty trash cans again? I'm hungry!
ga190119 -- Sometimes I just can't stop smiling. - - I said, "sometimes".
ga190120 -- - - - - - - Was there a "Supermoon" tonight? Nope, Just a goofy one.
ga190121 -- I can't help but feel that I've forgotten something. - Oh, yeah! - Z
ga190122 -- I've been thinking about my life. What about it? - What if things don't go wrong? Say what? - I mean, success can be harder to deal with than failure. Just as long as there's pizza on the table...
ga190123 -- We'll be right back to our commercial... - Right after this commercial. - But first... Oh, come on!
ga190124 -- This cat food tastes sort of like chicken. - How about that. - It's made from sort-of chickens.
ga190125 -- Good news, bad news. - My tires are okay. - But my car went flat. Only you, Jon.
ga190126 -- I suppose you thought that looked stupid on me. - It did. - But Pooky can pull it off.
ga190127 -- - - SLAP! - - SLAP! - - BOOMP!
ga190128 -- BEWARE OF CAT - - At least until I've had my coffee.
ga190129 -- I slept... - Then I ate. - So, how was YOUR day?
ga190130 -- Would you like to fetch the stick, Garfield? - - Apparently not.
ga190131 -- Garfield, why is the kitchen filled with mice? - - Looks like they're having a lodge meeting.
ga190201 -- Is this the last chip? You saved me the last chip? Yup. - munch munch mun- - It's stale. Duh.
ga190202 -- It took me an hour... - But I finally got that jar of peanut butter open. - The empty one? The empty one.
ga190203 -- Please swip your card - SWIPE - Would you like to donate a dollar to charity today? BOOP - Enter PIN boop boop boop boop - Yout total is $3.24. Is this correct? boop - What is the square root of 324? Please show your work. - ALL I WANT IS A
ga190203 -- BAG OF CHEESE DOODLES! DON'T WE ALL?!!
ga190204 -- - - I almost did something today. You got me beat.
ga190205 -- I shall now meditate and find my center. - I sense that my center is empty. - I shall now fill my center with a donut.
ga190206 -- Odie I swear you've grown a foot taller today! - - 
ga190207 -- - I wonder what would happen if I were allergic to cats. - You'd have to move out.
ga190208 -- I read Shakespeare today. - I read the washing instructions on my shirt today! - Liz and I have been discussing literature. Your shirt shrank.
ga190209 -- I know where there's some cheese. - - You d amouse! It's what I do.
ga190210 -- Liz... - Liz, I...I...I...I... - You see, I, uhhhhhhhhhh... ummmmm...I...errrr... - Well, it's just that I...uhhhhh...you know, ummmm... - I love you too, Jon. * - - And I bet you thought I couldn't say it!
ga190211 -- I am my own boss. - * - I gave myself the morning off.
ga190212 -- Cats are the smartest beings in the world. - - Not that the competition is all that tough.
ga190213 -- I sense the powers of darkness are gathering. - Hey, Garfield, instead of a hamburger, how about a veggie burger? - They're heeere.
ga190214 -- Our love is like a I'm stuck, Garfield. - - Our love is like a cheese doodle.
ga190215 -- I'm so tired I can't think straight. - Oh, come on, Jon, don't be so hard to yourself. - Maybe you're just dumb. pat pat
ga190216 -- - - Pooky never complains when I cheat.
ga190217 -- - - - - - - We now go to a live helicopter shot of the runaway snow saucer on the interstate 67... Cheese doodle?
ga190218 -- Get up, Garfield! - You've got things to do! - Oh, there's motivation for you.
ga190219 -- "This is a story about a cat..." - "Who always gets...his...way". - How is this a fairy tale? Just read.
ga190220 -- How does Odie keep his brain sharp? - munch munch munch - By eating a crossword puzzle every day.
ga190221 -- - Garfield! What's going on?! - Gouda wheels are half off at Cheese World!
ga190222 -- With the help of my assistant, Jon, I will make everyone disappear! - IT'S POLKA TIME!! - Hey! Where'd everybody go? Ta-dah!
ga190223 -- And now back to "Attack of the 50-Foot Cat". - Here he comes, men! Let's distract him... - Deploy the 100-foot laser pointer! Oooo!
ga190224 -- click Play - Hi. I'm Whiskers, and welcome to "Proper Techniques for Shredding Sofa Arms". - In this web tutorial, I'll be instructing you cats out there on the finer points of this fun and creative pastime. - Let's warm up now with some
ga190224 -- basic vertical slashes. Watch carefully as I - click - Hmmm... - The red jack goes on the black queen. Thanks.
ga190225 -- I will do... - Whatever it takes... - To not do whatever it takes.
ga190226 -- When you see a problem... - You deal with it. -
ga190227 -- Next on "Nature's Biggest Enemies"... - A spider battles a giant wasp. - Sweet! I have five flies on this fight!
ga190228 -- Help! Help! - Save me from the quicksand, Whiskers! - Wake up and save me, you lazy cat! Hey, pal, this cat has his priorities, okay?
ga190301 -- I had a bad night last night. Oh, so did I. - A dog chased me up a tree. How about you? - I spent the whole night not getting any sleep, what with all the barking and screaming going on.
ga190302 -- - blink - Pooky has never lost a staring contest.
ga190303 -- - - - - - POIT POIT - 
ga190304 -- I like to think before I act. - - And think and think and think...
ga190305 -- I'm going to read a book a day! - Wow, this is long. Maybe a book a week. - Oh, forget it. I'll go see a movie based on a book. Or just watch the trailer.
ga190306 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, who's stronger? Cats or dogs?" - HUHHHHHHHHHHHH - Dogs, but only if you count their breath.
ga190307 -- - SHOOP! - Thought I heard a can opener.
ga190308 -- I'm a serious man, Liz. - Your clown nose fell off. - Like I was saying... Let's change the subject, shall we?
ga190309 -- I can speak most animal languages. - Although my squirrel is a little rusty. - chitter chitter chitter Say what?
ga190310 -- - - - - HOO HOO HOO HOO - That's not for us. The people next door ordered pizza. - What a waste of perfectly good happy dance.
ga190311 -- - - Am I boring? Only when you talk.
ga190312 -- Why does everyone spend so much time on their phones? - Let me look that up. tap tap - tap tap While you're at it, look up "irony".
ga130313 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, the pleasure of your company is requested for a dinner party.. - Can we expect you at six o'clock?" - "Signed, Mr. and Mrs. Frederick J. Flea".
ga190314 -- Cats sense when something bad is going to happen. - Know why? - Because we're usually the cause of it.
ga190315 -- Liz, your eyes are lovely. - Why, yes, they are lovely. - Do you MIND?! And your eyes look a little grumpy.
ga190316 -- A word of advice, Garfield... - Just because you see somebody do something in a movie... - Doesn't mean YOU can do it. Why are you limping?
ga190317 -- Hmmm... - What do you want to do today, Jon? How about something *I* want to do for a change? - What do you mean? We ALWAYS do what you want to do. - WE DO?! Well. we don't exactly do what I want to do. - I THOUGHT THAt WAS BECAUSE YOU LOVEd
ga190317 -- ME! - - Have fun at the fabric store.
ga190318 -- Wake up, Garfield! - This book has 1001 boredom busters! Poor Jon... - Boredom Buster Number One... "Make a dollhouse out of a shoebox"? He means well.
ga190319 -- He thought he was prett clever... - Thought he could outsmart me. But I tracked him down. - Back to the sock drawer, mister! "Here Lies Jon Arbuckle: he was smarter than a sock".
ga190320 -- I appreciate beauty. - Ta-dah! - Genuine beauty doesn't have to "ta-dah!" I heard that!
ga190321 -- It's warm out. - - Great. Now I'm cold.
ga190322 -- I made salad, spinach casserole and steamed asparagus! - - And cookies! zip! Chocolate chips? zip! With sprinkles?!
ga190323 -- Could you please stop shedding? - Certainly! - I'll put that on my schedule for next october.
ga190324 -- WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH? - Call Liz. CALLING FIZZ. - No, call LIZ. CALLING WHIZ. - NO...look, call Doctor Wilson. CALLING DOCTOR THRILLSOME - NO!! NEVER MIND!! - RIIINNNG RIIINNNG - YOU HAVE REACHED THE MAILBOX OF LORENZO NEVERMIND
ga190325 -- What a nice day. - I imagine... - Why don't you open your eyes? Why chance it?
ga190326 -- I was on the debate team. - I even won my first debate! - Actually, my opponent forfeited when I started to cry. Pathetic, yet effective.
ga190327 -- You want me to throw the ball? - Hang on. - Okay, I'm ready.
ga190328 -- BEWARE OF CAT Whoa... - Watch out, people. - I might just criticize your wardrobe.
ga190329 -- Liz, your eyes are like... - Um...like...like... - Like round, squishy balls that you see through. And they say romance is dead.
ga190330 -- My uncle Iggy died. - It was tragic. - He ate so much cheese that he exploded. Hey, isn't that how we all want to go?
ga190331 -- - - - - - - All I did was ask him if he wanted to go for a ride in the car. How does he do that ceiling thing?
ga190401 -- I'm not always sarcastic. - - Sometimes I'm asleep.
ga190402 -- If I were an astronomer... - I could discover a new planet. And they'd name it after me! "Planet Dipward".
ga190403 -- Odie is trying to be more like me. Z - Z - I'd lose the tail wag there, pal. Z
ga190404 -- - - My new place isn't quite finished. Ah.
ga190405 -- Where do chicken wings come from? - The oven. - Not chickens? Chickens have ovens?
ga190406 -- Nothing lasts forever. - Diet cat food. - It just seems that way.
ga190407 -- - Come on, Garfield. Put a smile on your face! Sure... - How about the salesman smile? - The smug smile? - The fake smile? Or the vicory smile! - Stop smiling! I thought you'd never ask.
ga190408 -- I like to think I make the world a better place in which to... - SNORE - sleep.
ga190409 -- I've decided to give back to the world. - But first... - I'm going to take a bunch of stuff.
ga190410 -- - LOOK, Odie! -
ga190411 -- Here's when mom was on her knitting binge. - She knitted sweaters for everyone in the family. - And then for the chickens. The rhinestones are a bit much.
ga190412 -- For you, Liz, I would climb the highest mountain! - Although that sounds scary... - PLEAS DON'T MAKE ME! Oh, go ahead.
ga190413 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - You don't seem as tough with those glasses on. - Oh, boo-hoo!! I'M SORRY!!
ga190414 -- Jon?---  Jon, how do you feel about our relationship? - I couldn't be happier, Liz. I must be the luckiest man on earth to have met someone as wonderful as you. - In the time we've been together, I feel I've matured and grown...and you're
ga190414 -- the reason for it. - Your love has made me a much, much better man, and I'm so very thankful that you're my girl. - Jon, that's beautiful. - And I want a bbig, fat doggie bag for this. AND I WANT A BIG, FAT DOGGIE BAG FOR THIS
ga190415 -- - Is that coffee too strong? - NO!
ga190416 -- The best things in life are free. - And so are the worst things. - It's the stuff in between that's expensive!
ga190417 -- "Dear Ask A Dog"... - "When you howl, are you singing?" - AROOOOOOOOOOOO!! That would be a "no".
ga190418 -- Fun fact... - SCHLURRRRK - Gravy can be classified as a beverage!
ga190419 -- YOWLLL! - Do you think I have a good yowling voice? Lovely! - ...and then I pretended to get a phone call.
ga190420 -- I was born to dance! - No, you weren't. - THEN WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE FEET?!
ga190421 -- - Look, Garfield. Only one donut left. - If you ate it, I'd feel sad because I didn't get any. - If I ate it, I'd feel guilty because you didn't get any. - So, consider this... - If we shared it, I'd be happy that we both got some! - It's
ga190421 -- always about you, isn't it?
ga190422 -- You have many faults, Garfield. - And a donut. - Is that all you can think about? AND a cup of coffee.
ga190423 -- Scientists made a discovery today... - After exhaustive research on the effects of dog breath... - They've found it to be an excellent paint remover. Finally, a use for dogs.
ga190424 -- I'm learning a second language. - Meow meow meow meow meow meow - How was that? You just asked for directions to the pipe wrench.
ga190425 -- - Uh-oh. We lost power... - For a second... Don't worry. I cleaned out the fridge so nothing would spoil
ga190426 -- I hurt my finger. I won't be able to play the accordion for weeks. - -
ga190427 -- And that's why hats make lousy cereal bowls. Okaaay... - I'm starting all my conversations at the end now. - It's a real time-saver. And a blessing.
ga190428 -- BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! - Excuse me. - I have here a petition signed by everyone in the neighborhood, asking you to stop barking. - - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! He ate it.
ga190429 -- CAT AT WORK - - Break time.
ga190430 -- My uncle Clarence was a circus clown. - He retired last year. - Thirty of his buddies came to the retirement party in one car. Once a clown, always a clown.
ga190501 -- I feel safer knowing there's a dog in the house. - - Protecting us from bad bones.
ga190502 -- - Hey... - We're like before-and-after pictures. Shut up.
ga190503 -- Do you think I'd make a good cowboy? - What if a horse steps on your foot? Oh... - Well, do you think I'd make a good ballet dancer? Not with that limp.
ga190504 -- Eat healthy, people! - And avoid snacks. - Snacks are mine.
ga190505 -- Hey, Garfield! - Look, Garfield! I found my old answering machine, and the tape is still in it! - Let's listen to all of my old messages! click - - - - SOB Ah, memories.
ga190506 -- YAWN - - How's your morning? The commute wasn't too bad.
ga190507 -- "Leftovers: noun..." - "Food remaining uneaten at the end of a meal." - See? It IS a word. Fascinating.
ga190508 -- A recent study revealed that four out of five dogs are profoundly stupid. - - The fifth is profoundly ugly.
ga190509 -- *PING! *PING! *PING! *PING! - GARFIELD! - Would you stop posting those pictures?! Hey, that litter box isn't going to clean itself, pal.
ga190510 -- Dinner ideas? Let's see... - A couple of pizzas, donuts, lasagna, some garlic bread... - And whatever you're having, of course. Of course.
ga190511 -- That new coffee place opened. Their sizes are huge! - I got the Cafe Colossal! - I got the mother of the Cafe Colossal.
ga190512 -- - Garfield! Dinner! - SHOOP! - GULP! - SHOOP! - THAT'S IT?! - BURP! There we go.
ga190513 -- Today I'm introducing a new feature. - - I call it "Look at the Handsome Cat".
ga190514 -- You know what's interesting? - What? - Those little villages made out of toothpicks! You know who's dull?
ga190515 -- ZOOOOOOM - GARFIELD! DO SOMETHING! Sure thing. - SLOW
ga190516 -- They say to avoid burping, you should drink slowly. gluk gluk gluk gluk - BURP! - Or you can just ler 'er rip!
ga190517 -- Purr Aww! - - Purr Nice try.
ga190518 -- "Dear Ask a Dog..." - "Do you bite?" Hmmm - Bark? Bark? No, this letter is not from a steak.
ga190519 -- - Let me guess... - You want me to throw that stick, right? - SWISH All right...fetch the stick, boy! - Ha! I faked him out! - How gullible can you get? Poor Odie. Poor, dumb Odie. - GARFIELD
ga190520 -- The world is my oyster. - No, that's not it... - The world is my pizza!
ga190521 -- You know, Garfield, I'm a pretty lucky guy. Lucky, lucky, lucky. I have my health, a loving family, a good home... - A decent car, impressive sock collection, a wonderful girlfriend, nifty cell phone, yep... - I pretty much have everything.
ga190521 -- Except a mute button.
ga190522 -- Z a-HEM - Oh, sorry. - BARK BARK BARK BARK Good help is so hard to find.
ga190523 -- Cats are adorable. - No? - How about now?
ga190524 -- We should do something. You bet. - But we won't. Becaaause?... - We're cats. High five!
ga190525 -- My cookies are made with a secret ingredient. - What is it? - It's a SECRET, you dipwad! You don't mess with grandma.
ga190526 -- - Hey, Garfield! Let's do something! - We could take a walk! - Fly a kite! - Learn to knit! Plant a garden! - - Or you can ignore everything I say. Yeah, let's do that one.
ga190527 -- Sometimes in the morning... - I like to go for a walk. - Get off my face! On my way to breakfast.
ga190528 -- - I am NOT cleaning that up! - Yeah, I like it, too.
ga190529 -- - kick - Pavlov was right.
ga190530 -- Once I set my mind on something... - Did you hear that?! - Now, what was I talking about? Cheesecake.
ga190531 -- Arlene... - Someday I'll take you away from all of this. - But I like it here. Whew!
ga190601 -- I seriously doubt that Garfield is conspiring against you. - Oh, good. - That puts my mind at ease. Unless I told her to say that.
ga190602 -- - phhhhhtttbbb! - nyah nyah nyah - kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss - Stupid dog! - WAIT! - Stupis doggy door! slap! slap! slap! slap!
ga190603 -- I couldn't eat another byte. - - There's a sentence I've never said before.
ga190604 -- Time for your performance review, Jon. - Oh, my... - This might be a good time to bribe me with some treats.
ga190605 -- We should join forces. To do what? - Uh... - Nothing? I'm in!
ga190606 -- There's a key to getting down from a tree. - SNAP! - It's called gravity.
ga190607 -- Liz, may I call you "baby"? - I'd rather you didn't. Oh. - That goes double for me.
ga190608 -- Forgive and forget. - Or, as we cats say... - Hold a grudge and plot your revenge.
ga190609 -- - - - DIP - - *** - When the kiddie pool is warm, the world is a beautiful place.
ga190610 -- Time to take a brisk walk! - - What are you doing? Taking the "brisk" out of "walk".
ga190611 -- Yikes. - The world is nuts! - Not on my corner of it.
ga190612 -- "Dear Ask A Dog..." - "If you're so smart, how come somebody has to read you the questions?" - Grrr! That's a good one.
ga190613 -- My birthday is creeping up on me. I can feel it. - Or, maybe I'm just being paranoid. -
ga190614 -- How many of us birthday candles will you be needing on your cake this year? 41. - 41, you say... - ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE US EXTINCT?!!!
ga190615 -- You're gonna be 41? Boy, that's OLD. No, it isn't. - - Do they still let you drive? Leave me alone.
ga190616 -- tick - PERSONAL INFORMATION: PLEASE COMPLETE ALL FIELDS tick - YEAR BORN 2019...2014 - scroll scroll - scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll - scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll - Forget it.
ga190617 -- - That was his "I know someone who has a birthday coming up" look. - And this is my "Yeah, yeah, don't remind me" look.
ga190618 -- I wish people would quit reminding me about my birthday, - - I SAID...
ga190619 -- GARFIELD - BOOT! - Best birthday present EVER!
ga190620 -- How does it feel to be old? I am NOT old! - Sorry...I'll rephrase the question. Thank you. - How does it feel to be in massiv denial?
ga190621 -- Pets are nice. - That's so true. - Jon, we've decided to keep you.
ga190622 -- Coming up next... - on Fantasy Theater... - "The Hard-Working Cat" Weird.
ga190623 -- Meow meow meow moeow - What#s that, Fluffy?! You say Timmy fell down a well and needs our help?! Meow meow - Where's the well, Fluffy?! Show me the way! Purrrr - No, I don't have any liver treats! Now come on! Timmy needs us! squeek squeek -
ga190623 -- There's no TIME for the squeaky mouse, YOU STUPID CAT! - HAAAAAAACK! - ICK! HAIRBALL IN MY SLIPPER!! I hope Timmy packed a lunch. purrrr
ga190624 -- Sometimes I let my ind wander... - - That's as close as I get to exercise.
ga190625 -- * - * ** * Nice. - Dinner and a show.
ga190626 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, do you bury bones in your backyard?" - "If so, where exactly?" - Nice try, Mrs. Feeny's dog!
ga190627 -- - Sometimes I amaze myself. - Other times I'm flat-out awestruck.
ga190628 -- I can't make our date tonight, Arlene. - But I have someone who can fill in. - Not much of a talker, but he's a lot cuter than Garfield. I heard that!
ga190629 -- Contrary to popular belief... - Sometimes last is best... - The last donut, the last cookie, the last chip...
ga190630 -- - BAT - BAT BAT BAT - BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT - BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT - - You're out of toilet paper.
ga190701 -- Sometimes I'm asleep... - And sometimes I'm awake... - WISHING I was asleep.
ga190702 -- Garfield, you need to do something. - We have a big mice problem. Really? - According to the mice, we have a big Jon problem.
ga190703 -- What's new, Odie? Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Can't you just say "Oh, nothing much" like everybody else? Bark!
ga190704 -- Hungry, Garfield? - - What's that got to do with anything?
ga190705 -- Listen, Arlene! * - They're playing our song! ** * ** ** * - That's an ice cream truck. I'm getting all misty here.
ga190706 -- The world is coming to an end! - - And, once again, the world is saved by a cup of coffee.
ga190707 -- - - - - - - Yeah, I still got it. *
ga190708 -- "What's the use?" - - I like to start my day with a demotivational thought.
ga190709 -- I'm not calling a plumber this time, Garfield. drip drip drip drip Ho boy... - All you need is the right tool. drip drip drip drip - With the right too, Jon can break anything.
ga190710 -- Look at that. - Odie is digging a hole. - That can't be good for the rug.
ga190711 -- This movie looks interesting. - But it has subtitles. Boooring. - It's about dog-eating komodo dragons. I'll pop the popcorn.
ga190712 -- Garfield, I've decided to grow a beard! - It'll make me more manly. boop bip boop - Hi, Liz...uh, honey, I have this idea... Ask nicely, Mr. Manly.
ga190713 -- Hey, Garfield, the delivery guy just told me this is the fifteen-thousandth pizza we've ordered! - Hmmmm - By golly, he's right.
ga190714 -- - Get in, Garfield! Jon, Jon, Jon... - One does not simply "get in" a kiddie pool... - - - - One must make a splash!
ga190715 -- Remember, people... - Laughter is the best medicine. - Unless you have stitches.
ga190716 -- - - We're awfully good at this.
ga190717 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, what qualifies you to guard a house?" - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - It seems unlikely that it would be your big muscles.
ga190718 -- It's too bad that cute isn't contagious. - Why would you say tha... - HEY!
ga190719 -- This is a donut. - Stop eating donuts. - This is a carrot.
ga190720 -- Where have you been? Fishing. - Fishing? Yup. - Got a can opener?
ga190721 -- HUP! - Umff...ummmmfff...errrrgggh... - roll roll roll - roll roll roll - THUD - I hope you appreciate this. - It takes me all DAY to clean that waffle iron! Where's my bucket of freshly churned sweet creamery butter and my barrel ofvanilla
ga190721 -- bean-infused vermont maple syrup?
ga190722 -- I * - I * - I * --->
ga190723 -- Ah, Mary Beth Skeevers. - She really liked me. - She had an unusual skin condition. Those earrings really bring out her scales.
ga190724 -- Odie's very smart. - His brain is in perfect shape. - Becaus eit's never been used.
ga190725 -- I'm thinking about getting a new car. - - An ice cream truck? Check out the giant fudge pop on the roof!
ga190726 -- Would you be surprised to learn I was a superhero? - Very, very, very, very, very, very surprised. - that's a lot of verys! Not nearly enough.
ga190727 -- I enjoy the classics. - Ah, yes... - A 1940 first edition "All-Butter Cookbook".
ga190728 -- riiiiing riiiiing - Are you ready for our big date tonight, Jon? Sort of. - What do you mean? I'm still wokring on my hair. - What's wrong with your hair? It won't lay down. - Why no? Well, Garfield's been practicing all day. - Practicing
ga190728 -- what? HONNNK - Happy birthday! CUT IT OUT!!!
ga190729 -- I'm planning my menu for the week. - Let's see, what do I want to eat? How abouuuut... - EVERYTHING!
ga190730 -- Have you ever been in a storm where it's blowing so hard the rain comes sideways? - GISSSSHHHH - Can't say as I have.
ga190731 -- - - Yup. I'm the good-looking one.
ga190801 -- tap tap tap - - You eat too fast. You feed too slow.
ga190802 -- Arlene, when it comes to looks, charm and wit, you have no competition. - Garfield! Dinner! Gotta go! - Now if I could only compete with that belly of his.
ga190803 -- A penny for your thoughts. - For MY thoughts? - A penny isn't much. Overpriced, I'd say.
ga190804 -- - I'm starting my diet today. - And rule on of dieting... - tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic - *DING-DONG* - Never start a diet on an empty stomach!
ga190805 -- - Three minutes and forty-five seconds. - That's how long your diet lasted. A NEW RECORD!
ga190806 -- I always finish what I start. - - And what Jon starts as well. Get away from my steak.
ga190807 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, what makes you such an expert?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - There's no such thing as a dog university.
ga190808 -- Greetings, earthlings... - We come in peace... - Take us to your theme parks! That explains the Hawaiian shirts and flip-flops.
ga190809 -- Too bad we didn't meet in high school, Liz. - I could have asked you to the prom. - Would you have said yes? Um... I think she was flossing her cat that night.
ga190810 -- Nice day. - A gnat just flew up my nose! - Unless you're a gnat.
ga190811 -- Hey, Garfield! - I can make myself disappear. Watch! - - - - 
ga190812 -- ah, napping... - Or, as I like to call it... - Pressing life's pause button.
ga190813 -- Garfield, remember what Franklin Roosevelt said... - "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself". - I bet Franklin never had to stare down month-old sauerkraut.
ga190814 -- Z - BARK! - Worst alarm clock ever.
ga190815 -- Excuse me. - Is the ice age over? Yes. - Woo-hoo! Party! These pepperoni-and-deep-fried-cheese dreams are the weirdest.
ga190816 -- I like this new tea.flavored coffee. - Why don't you just drink tea? - Jon? Logic has that effect on him.
ga190817 -- purr purr purr - purr purr purr - Latest issue of "Yarn Enthusiast".
ga190818 -- hummmmmmmmmm - hummmmmmmmmm - hummmmmm-BWEEEP! - BWEEP! BWEEP! BWEEEEEEEEEEP! - dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig - Ah-HA! Uh-oh. - MY aCCORDION! I TOLD you to bury it deeper.
ga190819 -- Hello, Weekend! - BLINK! - Hello, Monday.
ga190820 -- I am a house cat. - - Otherwise known as a sunbeam devotee.
ga190821 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, am I wrong to feed my dog fattening snacks?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Yes. Those should go to the cat.
ga190822 -- We mice are pretty sneaky, you know. - Oh, I don't know about that. - Says who?
ga190823 -- I'm not in a bad mood. - But I look like I am. Me, too. - It's fun being a cat. Oh, yeah.
ga190824 -- - I've got an eye on you. I've got an eye on YOU. - This is disturbing. I was going to say "weird".
ga190825 -- Hhhhhh... - Let's see...what should I have today? - CLOP CLOP CLOP - CLOP CLOP CLOP - Ah, yes! A nice 2014 red! - CLOP CLOP CLOP Every cat should have his own yarn cellar.
ga190826 -- Should I get out of bed this morning? - We're out of coffee, but we do have a lovely lavender herbal tea! - That would be a "nope".
ga190827 -- Happy tuesday! - Tuesday! - It feels more like monday, the sequel.
ga190828 -- What do dogs have that cats don't? - - A built-in humidifier.
ga190829 -- Sigh... - Such memories... - I'll never forget high school. Also known as "The Wedgie Years".
ga190830 -- I've been working out! That's great. - High five! - I can't. Today was arm day.
ga190831 -- The secret to losing weight is not eating less... - And it's not exercise... - It's setting the scale back five pounds!
ga190901 -- tap - ** - *** - ** ** * - * * * * * - Never underestimate the power of a great playlist. **
ga190902 -- I slept all day. - Let's see... - That's seven days in cat time.
ga190903 -- - Wow...I can hear the ocean. - Good Wi-Fi on this beach!
ga190904 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, what is your philosophy of life?" - Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. - "As you walk along the road of life, remember to stop and sniff everything."
ga190905 -- Ah, coach Jarrett. - I'll never forget what he told me... - "You have the upper-body strength of a 5-year-old". How motivating.
ga190906 -- Am I annoying you? No. - You sure? Yes. - Wow, I'm really off my game.
ga190907 -- Sometimes I wonder...is this all there is? - ...is there more? - Seriously, dude. I could go for seconds.
ga190908 -- - Welcome once again to "Dog Horror Theater" - Tonights feature... "The Bath". - - snap! - Oh, come on... - It's not THAT scary!
ga190909 -- Garfield, you should get more exercise. - Some exercise. - Any exercise. Does telling you to shut your piehole count?
ga190910 -- I can't find my keays. - Or my shoes. - Or my pants. SNAP! Aaand there goes your dignity.
ga190911 -- "Dear Ask a Dog..." - "Jingle, jingle, jingle" - "Signed, the car keys".
ga190912 -- Greetings cat. I have decided to become a serious person. - - How was that? Pretty good, huh?! You had me there for a moment.
ga190913 -- Let's bake cookies! - SHOVE - Nice idea!
ga190914 -- - KALE MUFFINS - Care to talk about it? About the world coming to an end? No, thanks!
ga190915 -- CAW! CAW! - ROAAARRR! Lion. - GRRRRRR! Tiger. - HOWWWWL! Wofl. - ARRRRRRRR! Bear. - SHRIEEEEEEEEEEK!!! And my favorite... - Hey! That's the video from the zoo! Jon with a lemur on his head. GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
ga190916 -- Oh, no! - The power grid is down! - There's a power grid?
ga190917 -- I'm going to swat you, spider! - Whoa! - This magazine is heavier than I expected. Amateur.
ga190918 -- Okay, Odie, pick a card. - ...any card. - There's only one! How hard can it be?! ...says the human to the dog.
ga190919 -- MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM - MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM - You're too fat. You're just jealous of my new freight elevator.
ga190920 -- Hey, Arlene. - "Oh, Arlene, you look so beautiful" Uh...was I supposed to say that? - Oh, forget it! What's the line again?
ga190921 -- It's time to lose weight and get into shape. - - Now it's too late.
ga190922 -- Garfield! - Look, Garfield! This calendar is filled with pictures of cats doing cute things! - Cute like this? - Or this? gweek gweek - Anything along these lines? FRRT FRRT FRRT FRRT - If not, those aren't real cats. - Never mind. They're
ga190922 -- ACTORS!
ga190923 -- Oh, sure... - This may not look hard... - But you try cramming this much nothing into a day.
ga190924 -- - - Do you think I spend too much time staring at my phone? Considering that it's not on, yes.
ga190925 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, what should I feed my dog to make him smarter?" - I'll take this one, Odie. - Cat food.
ga190926 -- BURP! ECHO POINT - BURP! - Excuse me. I didn't say that!
ga190727 -- We should think of something to do. - And then NOT do it. - How is that different from any other date? The thinking!
ga190928 -- - YAWN - Sleepy, huh? No. That was my "You're boring" yawn.
ga190929 -- Hmmmm... Snack time. - Empty! - - - Aha! - - 
ga190930 -- Jon is a fun guy. - Who's up for a sneezing contest?! - I hate fun people.
ga191001 -- I'm a take-charge kind of guy. - *DING-DONG* - What should we do? Revel in the irony of the moment?
ga191002 -- - GAH! - I never should have taught him that.
ga191003 -- BURP! - Whoa! Was that thunder?! - No, that was me. Cool! Do lightning.
ga191004 -- If the world were to end today... WHAT?! - It IS?! - I said, "if"! Stop hugging your accordion!
ga191005 -- Look at that beautiful sunset! - Okay. - It's over there. Tell it to move.
ga191006 -- YAWN - What kind of nap should I do today? The Doily? Nah... - The Ball? Nah... - The Laptop Layout? Nah... - The Sock-Drawer Snooze? Naaaah... - I guess it's true what they say... - You just can't beat the classics!
ga191007 -- Listen to this... - They say chewing gum on a diet helps prevent hunger. Really? - I find chewing bacon works even better.
ga191008 -- It's a beautiful day outside. - It's a beautiful day in the kitchen! - Now it's raining. It's always a beautiful day in the kitchen.
ga191009 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, what kind of dog are you anyway?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - A hockey fan.
ga191010 -- check out my menacing Glare - - No, no, wait. I think I can do it better. No, that was pretty scary.
ga191011 -- This is my house, Arlene. - - Who's that? Oh, just some stray I took in.
ga191012 -- Pooky is great. - - But not THAT great.
ga191013 -- Ahhhhhh... - BURP! - That's for the main course... - BURP BURP BURP - The three side dishes... - burp - And the after-dinner mint.
ga191014 -- And here's the weather forecast. - I won't say the weather is bad, but... - There's no point of getting out of bed. YES!
ga191015 -- Hello! - I'm Benny the Balloon Animal. - You look a little overinflated yourself. Go hug a cactus.
ga191016 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, what beverage goes best with dog food? - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Seriously? - A cold bottle of sparkling toilet water?
ga191017 -- Look at the fluffy kitty... - She's staring at you. - It means "I love you". Actually it means "If you were smaller, I'd eat you".
ga191018 -- How long until dinner, Liz? - As soon as the broccoli is done. - How long does it take for broccoli to cook? Hopefully long enough for the pizza to get here.
ga191019 -- And the heroic dog... - Has saved the day! - Must not have been much of a day. click
ga191020 -- - Wooooo!... - I am the ghost of a hamburger that you ate! - - Wooooo!... munch munch - I am the gost of a gost of a hamburger that you ate! - OH, COME ON!
ga191021 -- Hey... - I have nothing to do. - Need any help?
ga191022 -- - You aren't bothering me with your staring. - YAAAAAHHHH!!
ga191023 -- We now return th "Cat Horror Theater". - Z - Wake up, Fluffy! YAAAHH
ga191024 -- OW! That's my eye! Sorry. - OW! That's my OTHER eye! Sorry. - We'll return the "The Invisible Man Gets a Tattoo" OW!
ga191025 -- I've DONE it Igor! Done what, master? - I've attached the brain of a pig to a beanpole! - What IS it. master? Me, in high school!
ga191026 -- Oooh! A worm! - Oooh! A bird! -
ga191027 -- Ugggghhh... - Errrrggghhh... - - - CARVE CARVE CARVE CARVE CARVE CARVE CARVE CARVE - - -
ga191028 -- General, here comes The Great Mutant Puppies! - We have to protect the city! But how, sir? - Cover everything! That's a LOT of newspaper.
ga191029 -- My creation is alive! - Now, speak! Speak! Bark! Bark! - Igooooor? Where did you get that braaaain? Igor's in big trouble.
ga191030 -- And now back to "The Wolfman's Job Interview". - So, Mr. Talbot, do you have any special skills? - On a full moon, I can sit and roll over. Sounds like management material.
ga191031 -- Uh... - Hang on. - Boo. You had to write that down?
ga191101 -- Purrr That was a great meal. - Such a large menu. And such interesting combinations. - We must come back. My compliments to the dumpster!
ga191102 -- They say diet an exercise are good for you. - But there's something I want to know... - Who is this "they", and why don't they keep their opinions for themselves?!
ga191103 -- - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Hmf! - WHAP! - -
ga191104 -- I wonder what day it is? - - Well, duh.
ga191105 -- Remember, kids... - Always give 100 percent! - Um, except when donating blood. Thank you, Captain Obvious.
ga191106 -- Hey, ugly dog! - Made you look! - BARK! BARK! BARK! I'm writing material for the squirrel.
ga191107 -- I got one of those robot vacuums. - WWWRRRRRRRRR - You mean the "mouse shuttle"?
ga191108 -- When I met Liz, all my dreams came true! - - Except the ones where I talk to ferrets. You'll survive.
ga191109 -- Irma, what's today's breakfast special? - The triple-bypass burrito. - Here's the waiver to sign. No risk, no reward.
ga191110 -- Z tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - Z tappity tappity tappity tappity DING! - WOOP! WOOP! WOOP! WOU WON! - BOOT! - - - tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity
ga191111 -- I'm not a morning person. - And, come to think of it... - I'm not actually a person.
ga191112 -- Remember... - If you can't say something nice... - Say something sarcastic.
ga191113 -- HOW CAN I HELP YOU? - Bark! Bark! Bark! - BARK? BARK? I've completely lost respect for technology.
ga191114 -- Hmmm...nothing interesting outside. - "Why?" You may ask. - Because I'm inside!
ga191115 -- I have bad days... - I have good days... - And, I have GREAT days!
ga191116 -- Don't worry! I've got everything under control! - - YAAAAAAHHH!!
ga191117 -- - Let's go do something. okay. - Come on. Coming. - I'm at the door! Be right there. - Let's go! Almost ready. - - Z On my way.
ga191118 -- Garfield, have you ever wanted to travel in space? - ---like, to visit Venus? Venus?! Seriously?! - WHER eMONDAYS LAST 2,802 HOURS?!!!
ga191119 -- Why is iot you squirrels don't have to get vaccinations and wear collars like house pets do? - Because we're wild animals, baby. - That doesn't mean you can't occasionally comb your tail!
ga191120 -- Odie, you're very good at being a dog. - - Like that's a compliment.
ga191121 -- "So the cat pounced..." - "And finally caught the little red dot!" - "But then itt vanished again". That thing is EVIL.
ga191122 -- I will always protect you, Arlene. - From what? - Glazed donuts.
ga191123 -- You know how sometimes you go out and leave me alone, and I walk araoun the house and shred things and eat out of the refrigerator? - - Hint, hint.
ga191124 -- - - - - - - I don't think the turkey needs a cheerleader. It couldn't hurt.
ga191125 -- Walking is good for you. - - Very good.
ga191126 -- My head says "Excercise". - But my gut says "Cake". - Always listen to your gut! Red velvet cake with three scoops of ice cream, please.
ga191127 -- "Sizzle, sizzle, pop!" - "Sizzle, sizzle, pop! Pop! Pop!" - "And they all ate happily ever after" I just love the sory of the Bacon Fairy!
ga191128 -- Garfield, it's November... - What are you doing with the kiddie pool? - Are you talking about my gravy boat?
ga191129 -- Sigh... - I'm so grateful that Liz is my girlfriend. - I sent her a thank you card. - I sent her a sympathy card.
ga191130 -- BURP - BURP - BURRRRP Who says the art of conversation is dead?
ga191201 -- - Select Photo... tic - Rotate...Crop...Adjust contrast... - Brightness level...Saturation...Intensity...Highlights...Shadows...Filters... - Apply... tic - - 2:32
ga191202 -- Eggnog... - SLURRRRRRK - Mother Nature's way of telling you you're just not fat enough.
ga191203 -- Winter...ugh! - Wait...that means Christmas! - I TAKE IT BACK!
ga191204 -- Soon we'll be seeing the first signs of Christmas. - THERE*'S TOO MUCH TO DO!! - There goes one now!
ga191205 -- Where's your human? Up i the attic, getting the Christmas decorations. - YAAAHHHHH!!! - I think he just met crazy uncle Willy.
ga191206 -- Tilt the star a little more to the right! Those green bulbs are too close together! Don't bunch the garland up! - -
ga191207 -- Get this...Jon was outside... - Decorating the house for Christmas... - I fell through the roof. You gave the ending away!
ga191208 -- SPRITZ SPRITZ - - Garfield, get lost. I'm waiting for Liz. - I mean it! Now, scram! - Hi, Jon, it's me! - SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH - Well, hel-LO, Mister Lucky.
ga191209 -- - - Mice in the ornament box.
ga191210 -- Ho! Ho! Ho! It's me, again... Spider Claus! - SMACK - AND MAY ALL YOUR CHRISTMAS COOKIES HAVE RAISINS!
ga191211 -- You have to behave until Christmas. - Very well... - But if I were you, I'd hide the day AFTER Christmas!
ga191212 -- Dear Santa, This is Garfield. not my evil twin who you've been watching all year. tic tic tic tic - - Nah. He's not THAT gullible.
ga191213 -- I love seeing the magic of the holiday season. - What magic is that? - Garfield behaving himself. Don't get used to it!
ga191214 -- We should have a feast for the holiday... - TWO pizzas! Yes! - And get something for yourself!
ga191215 -- Ahem. - Tonight, I thought I'd favor you all with some Christmas carols. - * - ** - * - BWONK - Okay, who threw the elf?
ga191216 -- Enough with the "niceness" shtick, Garfield... - Santa doesn't like kiss-ups! He doesn't? - Does he take bribes? squeek squeek
ga191217 -- I left that fruitcake we got out in the yard for the birds. - What are thy doing? - Regifting it to the squirrels.
ga191218 -- * PING - LOLOLOLOLOLOL GEt REAL - What's that? Santa got my Christmas list.
ga191219 -- All right, you can help me make ONE Christmas cookie. - Go pick out a cokie cutter. -
ga191220 -- GAAAHH!! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!! - GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! Brother... - The things I'll put up with for a candy cane. Visit Santa
ga191221 -- - It's going to be a long winter.
ga191222 -- Hi, Jon. It's me! - Come on in. Liz! - - - - - - What do you call THAT? "Three days to Christmas".
ga191223 -- Merry Christmas, cat! - Uh...thanks. - I hope it fits!
ga192224 -- Really? You're posting a picture of milk and cookies? click - Who on earth is going to find THAT interesting?! tic - LIKE
ga191225 -- Merry Christmas, Jon! - Why, thank you, Garfield! - Cat treats? Are you going to finish those?
ga191226 -- Happy Day-After-Christmas! - - WAAAHHHHH
ga191227 -- Thank you for the box of donuts, Jon. - Box of what? - Pearls? You gave me pearls for Christmas?!
ga191228 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - - Did you get a longer chain for Christmas? Why, yes, I did!
ga191229 -- - Time o take the tree down, Garfield. - Unnnnggghhh! - Let go, Garfield. Christmas is over. Not in my world! - Don't make me get physical with you! -
ga191230 -- Yet another monday... - There outhta be a law. - Five mondays in a month is just wrong!
ga191231 -- FIVE!...FOUR!...THREE!...TWO!...ONE! - IT'S HERE!! - PIZZA
ga200101 -- Garfield! Wake up! Z - You slept away the entire day! I did? - This year is off to a good start!
ga200102 -- Odie! Come and play! - Dogs... - They love attention at any price. BOOT!
ga200103 -- Garfield is late for our date. - Arlene is late for our date. - Over here, dummy! Whoa! These fences all look alike!
ga200104 -- Garfield! I'm back from the store! - Where I bought a year's supply of cat treats! - We're out of cat treats.
ga200105 -- slam! - Well, that was an interesting date with Liz... - We went out for a nice Italian dinner... - And then to a veterinary lecture. - It was titled "Treatment of an Abscess." - With a vivid slide presentation. - How romantic. I'll never eat
ga200105 -- ravioli again.
ga200106 -- We all have times when we just can't get started. - - Like, for instance, january.
ga200107 -- What worries you, Garfield? Oh, you know... - My ortality...pestilence... - I'm worried about the robot uprising. Well, there will be no sleeping for ME tonight.
ga200108 -- Cat TV will be right back. Snack time. - CLICK - Next up on Teddy Bear TV..."Honey World"!
ga200109 -- - CLONK! - How could I have been hit by a coconut? It's a mystery.
ga200110 -- Liz is so good-looking. - And you're so not. - I assume you just insulted me. It's not an insult if it's true, pal.
ga200111 -- Welcome once again... - To "The Obedient Cat Show". - Starring absolutely no one.
ga200112 -- YAWN - - - Z - Z - BARK! -
ga200113 -- ECHO POINT - - Meow? Good guess.
ga200114 -- This is interesting... - Ants can lift ten times their own weight. Big deal. - Can they EAT ten times their own weight?
ga200115 -- - Let me guess... - Ate too fast, swallowed your food dish.
ga200116 -- Jon! You must be thrilled to see me! - - You are really bad at this.
ga200117 -- - - As if he had someplace formal to go.
ga200118 -- Aren't you going to respond to my text, Garfield? - WHACK - There. Was that so hard?
ga200119 -- - - - sniff sniff sniff - - brrrrrrr! - Let's hear it for litter boxes.
ga200120 -- Here we see a polar bear in a white hat... - Eating valnilla ice cream...on an iceberg. - In a snow storm. If you say so.
ga200121 -- Does your cat get enough fattening treats? - Of COURSE not! - Try new "Sugar-Dusted Lard Balls"! JON! JON! JON! JON!
ga200122 -- AROOOOOOOOO!!! - We're supposed to applaud.
ga200123 -- Brrr... - I'm cold. Oh, come on, Jon! - Man up!
ga200124 -- Do you have any dreams for the future? - Yes, I do. Like what? - I dream of a day when lasagna is a pizza topping.
ga200125 -- Look, Jon, cats don't wear shoes. - So we don't go shoe shopping. - Nyah, nyah, nyah. Coming, Jon?
ga200126 -- ECHO POINT - - - - - - SPLAT
ga200127 -- Wow... - I feel really energetic. - Maybe a nap will make it go away.
ga200128 -- Eew! Cat food smells just awful! - Enjoy. - WHY WOULDN'T I, WITH A PRESENTATION LIKE THAT?!
ga200129 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, how can I get my dog to stop chasing his tail?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Tell his tail to stop running.
ga200130 -- When it comes to sleep, I'ma pro. - But Pooky is a league by himself. - One of these days you gotta teach me that hibernation thing, pal.
ga200131 -- Sigh... - I miss Arlene. - I'm right here. Yeah, but I'd have to turn all the way around.
ga200201 -- I'm actually in a pretty good mood. - - I just haven't told my face yet.
ga200202 -- Aaahhh... - I loce my sunbeam... - The peace, the quiet, the warmth of the sun... - But something's missing. - I know... - Friends to share it with!
ga200203 -- All is well in the world. - MY world, that is. - You're on your own.
ga200204 -- I've decided to improve myself. - Kidding! - How could that even be possible?
ga200205 -- There are many different kinds of dogs. - There are dumb ones...and... - Okay, there's one kind.
ga200206 -- I'm telling you, it'll never catch on. - - Cheese-flavored gum.
ga200207 -- Do you ever get the feeling nobody cares about you? Yes... - - And why am I asking you? Ask me if I care.
ga200208 -- - We're out of tape. - please stay away from the stapler! Handled.
ga200209 -- Excuse me...waiter? - Waiter, my date went to the men's room, and he's been gone for half an hour... - Can you please find out what's taking him so long? I'll check Ma'am. - - His neck is stuck in the baby changing station. The fire
ga200209 -- department, building maintenance and the media are on their way. - - Can I have his curly fries?
ga200210 -- Today is monday. - - Otherwise known as "Stay in Bed with a Teddy Bear Day".
ga200211 -- What's new? - Seriously? - Sorry. I forgot who I was talking to. Want to hear what's old?
ga200212 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, how can I get my dog to stop begging at the table?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Eat somewhere besides the table. - Bark. Dummy.
ga200213 -- My, what a lovely day! - - What else you got?
ga200214 -- Do you know what I want for my birthday, Garfield? - To be nice to me? - No. That's not it. Are you sure?
ga200215 -- I fear nothing. - Except for the things on this list. - I'm also afraid of the list. I hope I'm on it.
ga200216 -- - - Wow. - My weather app says this blizzard shows no signs of stopping. - We could be snowed in here for a week. - - What?! Couldn't we just TUNNEL to the Pizza Parlor?!
ga200217 -- Don't ruin today. - Okay. - See you tomorrow.
ga200218 -- Let's see... - Which one of these trees did I fall out of yesterday? - This might be it.
ga200219 -- I shall now translate whatever Odie says. - bark bark bark - "Cats are smarter than dogs".
ga200220 -- - Lucky for you that we don't have a cat! - Right, Garfield? We're not getting one, are we?
ga200221 -- Remember what life was like before Liz was my girlfriend? - - A lot like this, except you now use mouthwash!
ga200222 -- Jon doesn't trust me. - What are you up to now?! - All of the fun withot the effort.
ga200223 -- ...and now, over to the weather desk. - Today's forecast calls for snow... - And tomorrow, more snow. - And the next day, more snow. - And the next day, more snow. - And the next day, more snow. - And the next day, freezing rain. Oh, goody! A
ga200223 -- warm-up! Ever the optimist.
ga200224 -- I am so sleepy... - Z - Now back to being sleepy.
ga200225 -- Ah! Oatmeal! - Who doesn't like that? - I just patched that crack in the wall.
ga200226 -- Grrr - Aaaaaaaaaand...wait for it... - BARK! Way to build suspense.
ga200227 -- FLYING ELEPHANT! - -
ga200228 -- Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - - Jon never gets my jokes either.
ga200229 -- I'm cute. - And you...well, you're you. - Was that a compliment or an insult?
ga200301 -- - BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! -Okay, who put the shoe in the dryer? BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! - GARFIELD?!... BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! - Nope, it wasn't me. BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! -
ga200301 -- ODIE?!... BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! -
ga200302 -- - - Because it's monday, that's why.
ga200303 -- Listen to this... - Irma's Diner closed today. - Some sort of emergency... Oh, no! They ran out of grease!
ga200304 -- SQUIRREL! WHIP - - Let's watch that video again.
ga200305 -- - HAAAACK! - YUCK! Just cleanin' out the ol' lint trap.
ga200306 -- I'm texting Liz a selfie. - Click Ooops. - That went to mom. Nice duck face.
ga200307 -- This new movie trailer looks good... - It's got a guy wearing a gorilla suit in it. - You CAN'T go wrong with that. Says the guy who has three in his closet.
ga200308 -- bip bip bip bip bip bip bip - You have reached the veterinary office of Doctor Liz Wilson. If this is an emergency, press six. - If you wish to make an appointmant, press two. For billing, press three. For office hours, press four. - For
ga200308 -- directions, press five. To speak to the receprionist, press one. Para Espanol, presione siete. - To leave a voicemail for Doctor Wilson, begin speaking after the beep. Please leave your name, the date and time you called, a number you can be
ga200308 -- reached at and a brief message. - You have...one...new voicemail message. - SNOOORRRE
ga200309 -- - Sigh... - I wish there was an opt-out button for mondays.
ga200310 -- - - I hope this dream never ends!
ga200311 -- Where's Odie? In his whirlpool. - FLUSH - What was that? His whirlpool.
ga200312 -- - CLONK - It's not time to eat yet! It's ALWAYS time to eat!
ga200313 -- I can't sleep at night, Liz... - Because I'm thinking of you. - That, and the cat snores like a lawnmower. Leave me out of your love life!
ga200314 -- Garfield, you're lazy. - You should work out like me! - You mean burst into tears when I lift more than four pounds? I'm too proud for that.
ga200315 -- Camera - click - Send - - click - Send - 
ga200316 -- How was your weekend? Great! - We had a big party! - That explains the cheese in the chandelier. I know not of what you speak.
ga200317 -- ECHO POINT - YAWN! - Z Don't get ahead!
ga200318 -- This next 'Ask-A-Dog' letter comes from an actual dog. - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - Anybody you know?
ga200319 -- If I tried,  I could change the world! - Oh, I belive that you could, Jon. - ...make it more boring, that is.
ga200320 -- It's the first flower of spring! - - Now what? I was going to ask you.
ga200321 -- RRRRRRRRRR - RRRRRRRRRR - A watched microwave never dings. How long do these pizza roles take?!
ga200322 -- - * * * * - - * - * * * * - - 
ga200323 -- Yep... - The times they are a-changin'...
ga200324 -- "Live, laugh, love"... - Words to live by, Garfield. For you, maybe. - I prefer "Eat, sleep, repeat".
ga200325 -- cats can sense when trouble is coming. - - and here comes some now.
ga200326 -- Where am I? - YOU'RE LOST - Like I needed a sign.
ga200327 -- Dating a veterinarian sure is interesting... - She's not only smart, she's fun to be with. Yeah, you say that now... - But just wait till she takes your temperature.
ga200328 -- In response to the many requests, I present this classic Garfield moment. - Yum! - I compliance with the Fair Comic Strip Practice Act, I must divulge that some of those requests might have come from me.
ga200329 -- Hmmmm... - What are you doing, Liz? Reviewing my appointmants for tomorrow. - Let's see...I have a delousing...a cataract surgery... - A root canal...a hip replacement...an ear cropping...an abscess lancing... - And then a date with you! - -
ga200329 -- I'd reschedule.
ga200330 -- Z - What are you doing in bed again? - Trying to sleep again!
ga200331 -- What did the 40 poind mouse say to the cat? - Here kitty, kitty, kitty" - Mouse humor! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
ga200401 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, did you ever eat a bug?" - - Swallow first. crunch crunch crunch
ga200402 -- Help! Oh help! A ferocious cat! - I don't know, Garfield. I'm just not feeling it. What? - What if I add a few "ha-ha"s? Stick with the script.
ga200403 -- I dreamed you were a robot. Weird, huh? - What if I am? - Jon? I dreamed you were a coffee maker!
ga200404 -- Hey, cat! Don't mess with me... - Or you'll meet my brother Larry! I know him. - "Larry Almondine"...we met over dinner.
ga200405 -- - - - - - - So this is binge watching? Bring on season two!
ga200406 -- - It's a beautiful day outside. - Keep me posted.
ga200407 -- I come from a big family.- I have 1,832 brothers and sisters. - But mom liked me best. No doubt for your humility.
ga200408 -- "Dear Ask A Dog..." - "How do I know you're really a dog?" - He can scratch the back of his head with his foot, that's how.
ga200409 -- tap tap tap - tap tap tap - Mx phone's smarter than your phone! - Bragging isn't what it used to be. tap tap tap
ga200410 -- I get a headache when I don't eat enough. - When was your last headache? Let me see? - Never? Never.
ga200411 -- Um... What? - I...uh...well... WHAT?! - Sometimes I can't think of anything to say. AND YET YOU WON'T SHUT UP!
ga200412 -- - Jon? Yes? - This isn't one of thos emovies where the scientist turns into a hideous monster, isn't it? - No, of cOURSE not, Liz! This is a story of true love... - between a beautiful and dedicated young lab assistant and her fiance... -
ga200412 -- RAAAHHHH - A giant silverfish. She's gonna need a bigger slipper.
ga200413 -- Are you lazy?... Moody?... - Disrespectful?...Disloyal?...Discourteous?...Arrogant?...Disobedient?...Devious?...Self-centered and unremoreseful? - Then you are a cat. He forgot "darling".
ga200414 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - I take it we're out of potato chips. Whoa! You must be psychic!
ga200415 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - And be sure to visit our website to take our survey. - I hate modern dogs, too.
ga200416 -- When are you going to chase those mice? I'm on it. - - Does tuesday work for you? That's the Cheese Festival. How about wednesday?
ga200417 -- Before we clean the house, we should visualize the work. - AAAAH! AAAAH! - THAT was a mistake. Big time!
ga200418 -- Hey, it's never a party until I arrive, pal. - So, by definition... - THIS is a party?
ga200419 -- - donk - - ? - - sigh - Odie must be having a nice dream. Z
ga200420 -- I hurt my back... Bit woop - And my neck... Whatever. - And the finger that operates the canopener. MEDIC!
ga200421 -- Here comes the spider! - VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE - When did he get a scooter?
ga200422 -- Would you like a cookie? - Or a donut? - What is this "Or" stuff of which you speak?
ga200423 -- Having a cat in the house is the key to happiness. - SNATCH - The cat's happiness, that is.
ga200424 -- Pooky... - Don't ever change. - From whatever it is you are.
ga200425 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, if a squirrel snuck up behind you and said..." - "Boo!" - Would you be scared?
ga200426 -- Hmmmm... - Jon, do you realize it's been a week since you last told me you loved me? Oh? Well, I love you. - No, you can't just say it because I want you to do. You have to MEAN it...and surprise me. Oh, OK. - - Don't wait TOO long, though. -
ga200426 -- I'm not gonna win this, am I? Win? You lost four panels ago.
ga200427 -- Are you going to lie around all day? - You may call it lying around... - But I prefer to think of it as horizontal standing.
ga200428 -- you never know what wonders nature will show you next. - A glorious sunset...a stunning rose bush... - An overturned trash can...
ga200429 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, why are more dogs wearing clothes these days?" - - No, fashion is NOT your life.
ga200430 -- Hey, Garfield... - Have you seen the big suitcase? - You mean my new lunch tote?
ga200501 -- I made a mistake. - I fed Garfield twice. tap tap tap - Actually, a mistake would have been feeding me only once!
ga200502 -- Someday we may live on another planet. Whoa... - "Planet of the Cats". - Or maybe we won't. Roads paved with tuna!
ga200503 -- AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR... - BACHELOR COOKING WITH JON Today: "Chips a la Couch"! - INGREDIENTS: ONE JUMBO BAG OF POTATO CHIPS, ONE COUCH AND ONE TV - 1: OPEN THE BAG - 2: PREHEAT TV 3: SIT ON COUCH, CHIPS IN LAP - 4: SCARF THE ENTIRE BAG
ga200503 -- WITHOUT REALIZING IT. - 5: SAVE SHIRT CRUMBS FOR LATER SNACK Z Next time: "Cold Pizza a la Bed"!
ga200504 -- Burp - How embarrassing. - BURP!
ga200505 -- Z I love it when Jon's asleep. - Z He looks so peaceful.... - Z and vulnerable.
ga200506 -- Ahem... - Bark - What was that? A preview of coming attractions.
ga200507 -- I have a job interview today! - What kind of job can a mouse get? - Maze tester at a science lab. Nice!
ga200508 -- The secret to happiness is learning to alugh. - At yourself? - No, at others. Especially when they fall down and spill stuff and roll all around, and...
ga200509 -- Let's see what's on... click - Ah, one of my faves. - Luke, I am your cat. This is better than I remember it.
ga200510 -- - Welcome to our food nightmare, Garfield! BWAH-HA-HAAHHHH!! - I'm the bag of japapeno cheese pork rinds you scarfed today! You're not scary. But you WERE delicious. - I'm the jar of bean dip you inhaled just before bed! Enjoyed you
ga200510 -- thoroughly. Not scary, though. - You guys are gonna have to do better than that! - Who are you? - I'm the french fry you found under the car seat and ate. Okay, YOU I'm not proud of.
ga200511 -- I'm scheduling a wake-up call. - tic tic tic tic - November sounds good.
ga200512 -- I love you, Garfield. - Wanna know why? - Sure. As long as you don't break into song.
ga200513 -- Consider this. If it weren't for mice... - The planet would be overrun with cheese! - munch munch munch We all have a role to play.
ga200514 -- I'm writing Pooky's biography. - tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic - I might be mentioned a time or two.
ga200515 -- I pulled a muscle. I'm surprised. - What were you doing? - Chewing. Now I'm not surprised.
ga200516 -- I'm not saying Odie is dumb... - But when he howls at the moon... AROOOOOOOOOO - He waits for an answer.
ga200517 -- - Monster movie. Craft fair. - Monster movie! Craft fair! - MONSTER MOVIE! - CRAFT FAIR! - MONSTER MOVIE! - MONSTER MOVIE! - CRAFT FAIR! FINE! - Let's go!
ga200518 -- I'm wearing my new invisible hiking shoes. - - On my invisible hike.
ga200519 -- - AQUARIUM - HOW MUCH TARTAR SAUCE DO WE HAVE?!
ga200520 -- Don't mess with me, Odie... - I have your food. ODIE - GARFIELD Well played.
ga200521 -- Don't mess with me, punk! - Or you'll be sorry! You got that? - Yeah, I'm a tough guy. Yeah, you told that mirror a thing or two.
ga200522 -- Let's go out! Okay! - - I meant together! Think, Liz. Think.
ga200523 -- I know a great joke! - All right! Good to know! - It's only a great joke until Jon tells it.
ga200524 -- - Hey, Odie! Tell me all about your day! - BARK! BARK! YIP! BARK! BARK! - Do go on. BARK! BARK! BARK! - Then what? BARK! YIP! YIP! BARK! - Thanks, buddy! - Nope. Still can't sleep.
ga200525 -- Why so gloomy, buddy? - You have a lot to be grateful for! - If that's what grateful looks like, I'll stick with gloomy.
ga200526 -- Garfield, what are you going to do about the mouse problem?! - A restraining order? - That's IT? And this bill for $500 from my attorney.
ga200527 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, what's better: a big, thick steak or a juicy cheeseburger?" - - LUNCH BREAK BACK IN ONE HOUR
ga200528 -- Mr. Arbuckle, I see you're scheduled for a clawing this afternoon. - - I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for a canceled appointment!
ga200529 -- Liz, I have written a poem for you. - "Fifty pounds of bacon"? - "You are the air that I breathe"? This isn't my shopping list.
ga200530 -- Ugh. - I don't feel so good. - Probably something I DIDN'T eat.
ga200531 -- - - OWOOO OWOOO - OWOOO OWOOO OWOOO - OWOOO OWOOO OWOOO OWOOO OWOOO - - Ten o'clock and all's tell.
ga200601 -- This is a good day. - - What are you? A Statue? If I move I might ruin it.
ga200602 -- Supper's ready! - Supper's eaten! - Wait! Supper's missing! Now you got it.
ga200603 -- Here's Odie, sacrificing his dignity to beg for food. - Whine - That works?
ga200604 -- My wife is making us go vegetarian. - Last night, we had tofu fly. - I'd swat you, but you've already suffered enough. You said it, bro.
ga200605 -- Garfield finds me fascinating. - Sometimes he stares at me for hours. Really? - Is that true? Did you know that I can sleep with my eyes open?
ga200606 -- Cat versus dog! The big battle! - Z Z - They're both asleep! We got this one!
ga200607 -- - click - - - - PHOTO ALBUM - 
ga200608 -- I would like to accomplish something great. - Then feed me! - Seriously? "Great" is relative, you know.
ga200609 -- Why are the mice running laps in the kitchen? - And washing my car? And doing jumping jack? - And what happened to my six-pack of energy drinks? I think you solved the mystery, Sherlock.
ga200610 -- "Dear Ask A Dog"... - "Why has a dog never walked on the moon?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! No trees.
ga200611 -- That's right! That's right! - Who's the man? Who's the man? - I'M the man! Finally connected all the dots on that coloring page.
ga200612 -- I think Liz is angry with me. Oh, Jon... - You have such low self-esteem...you always fear the worst. - She said, "I'm angry with you". - That could mean anything!
ga200613 -- The first cup of coffee sets the tone for the whole day. - SLURRRP - How's the decaf?
ga200614 -- - - Uh-oh. - FRIENDLY DOG! - YAAAH! - TAG, YOU'RE IT! - Uh-oh.
ga200615 -- Hey, Garfield, what goes up, but never goes down? - My weight! - Your age! I'd rather be fat than old.
ga200616 -- I'm so old, I put tenderizer on my pudding. - My first pet was a dinosaur. - I love the Geezer Comedy Channel. My birth certificate is written in hieroglyphics.
ga200617 -- Uh-oh! - ZING! - Look, it's happening whether you like it or not!
ga200618 -- Me and the other candles wanted to give you a piece of birthday advice. - And that advice is? - Embrace the horror.
ga200619 -- This ist my best birthday ever! - - Of course, I've forgotten all the other ones.
ga200620 -- I'vew been at this a long time. - BOOT! - And still getting it done!
ga200621 -- SNORE - - HURRRRRRP! CRICK - UGGGHHHHH CRACK! - ORRRRRRGH! POP! POP! CREAK! POP! - YURRRRRRGGGUUHH! KRIKKA! KRIKKA! CRACK! CREAK! - Good morning. The older we get, the louder we wake up.
ga200622 -- Some people search for enlightenment. - - I'm just happy when I can find the remote.
ga200623 -- lick lick lick lick - lick lick lick lick - I hate laundry day.
ga200624 -- Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Another stimulating conversation about the tennis ball.
ga200625 -- Doh! - Hey, Garfield, I accidentally ate one of your treats. - I'm outraged.
ga200626 -- So I sat down and put my left sock on... - And I knew it was my LEFT sock... - Because I have little 'left' and 'right' tags sewn inside them. Sadly ture.
ga200627 -- What was that soda we had for lunch? - BURP - Ah, cherry. Thanks. Happy to help.
ga200628 -- - * BEEDLE-WEEDLE-WEEDLE * - * BEEDLE-WEEDLE-WEEDLE * Nope...it's not mine. Must be mine. - * BEEDLE-WEEDLE-WEEDLE *We shouldn't have the same ringtone. It's not MINE, either. - * BEEDLE-WEEDLE-WEEDLE *Not mine, either. Uerf-urf. - *
ga200628 -- BEEDLE-WEEDLE-WEEDLE * - Yelllll-O!
ga200629 -- I'm a little tense. - - I said, "a little".
ga200630 -- We must all remember to eat our vegetablex. - Oh, I will. - Once I've depleted the world's donut supply.
ga200701 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, do you ever get a song stuck in your head?" - spritz spritz spritz - * ARROOOOOOO * I'll get you for this.
ga200702 -- - - Will winter ever come?
ga200703 -- Ready for lunch? Always! - - You want me to bring it back, don't you? Always!
ga200704 -- SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! - SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! - False alarm, guys.  It's just Jon's new shoes.
ga200705 -- Z - Z - YAWN ping! ping! ping! - ping! ping! ping! - ping! ping! ping! - Nap reminder. - Z
ga200706 -- BAT! BAT! BAT! BAT! - BAT! BAT! BAT! - You*'re listening to the "Playing with Yarn" podcast... It's just not the same.
ga200707 -- Yes! - IT'S HERE!! IT'S HERE!! - The first pitcher of lemonade of the the summer. WOO-HOO!!
ga200708 -- Starting trip... - After 26 steps, turn left... - You have arrived at destination. SQUEAK! SQUEAK! Mouse GPS.
ga200709 -- One, two, three... - What are you doing? - Counting your chins. Go away.
ga200710 -- Liz is coming over to declutter the house! - - You don'tt hink she'll get rid of my bottle cap collection, do you? Hide it behind your banana sticker board.
ga200711 -- - Don't make me play this accordion... - Okya! Okay! I'll eat my vegetables!
ga200712 -- - NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM - - YAAAAAHHH - What are you two doing now?! Ice cream eating races! - - Deal me in. Atta girl.
ga200713 -- - - Have you ever considered achieving something? Besides perfection?
ga200714 -- Garfield! I said "Dinner"! - You can't walk the six feet to the kitchen? - I prefer delivery.
ga200715 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, I am not a dog, but I enjoy howling at the moon." - "How do you explain this?" Bark! Bark! - You're nuts.
ga200716 -- Greetings, earthling. - Does that string lead all the way to your homeplanet? Why, yes it does. - We're being invaded by puppets.
ga200717 -- Instead of having my car painted... - I'm thinking of going with wallpaper. - Do you like this floral pattern? Liz! Blink!
ga200718 -- You're sure a puny little performer. - Oh, yeah? - If you had allergies you wouldn't say that, mister!
ga200719 -- ! - - - -
ga200720 -- - - Working hard? That wall isn't going to stare at itself.
ga200721 -- Greetings! We are yarn balls. We come in peace. - Wait...where have we landed? purr... - Oh, no! Planet of the cats! purr purr Bat 'em! Bat 'em! Bat 'em!
ga200722 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, did you chew up my slippers?" - "Well, did you?" - That would be a 'yes'.
ga200723 -- Garfield... - Do you think bell bottoms will make a comeback? - Not if you have anything to do with it.
ga200724 -- You've got a great name, Liz. Liiiiiiizzzz. - Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, Liz, - Then she told me to shut up. DO "Garfield".
ga200725 -- COOKIES - You look guilty. - And cute!
ga200726 -- - - - - - What's Odie doing? - Streaming a tennis ball.
ga200727 -- Here comes the zombie into work. - Sorry I'm late... - But I've been dead. Good excuse.
ga200728 -- I only made one mistake today. - Getting out of bed. - Who hasn't regretted that?
ga200729 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, my dog won't stay off the furniture. What should I do?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Sit on the floor.
ga200730 -- I have new business cards. - - Cheese Inspector? I'll need to see your cheddar.
ga200731 -- Arlene, I could stare into those beautiful eyes of yours all evening. - - Is this another way of saying you're not going to talk to me? Um...
ga200801 -- - BARK - Impressive.
ga200802 -- - - - - Yo. - - When was the last time you cleaned the pool?
ga200803 -- I'm tired of being cooped up inside. - SLAM! - 
ga200804 -- There's gouda...cheddar...provolone...brie...gorgonzola... - How many more pictures? About 100. - I had to ask about his vacation to Cheeseworld.
ga200805 -- My teeth are scary sharp, huh? - Yeah. I'd be afraid to close my mouth. -
ga200806 -- I got mail addressed to Ron Arbuckle. - A catalog of designer suits and expensive gadgets. - Why don't I ever ge tmail like that? Because Ron is cooler than you.
ga200807 -- I will never lie to you Arlene. - How sweet! - Now YOU tell ME a lie.
ga200808 -- Everyone here is a suspect in the disappearance of the missing dessert! - And w're not leaving this room until we find out wh- BURRRRP - Excuse me. That kinda narrows the field.
ga200809 -- Z - - - - - Z - 
ga200810 -- I have everything I need at home. - - And a couple of things I could do without.
ga200811 -- Today's world is... - THUMP! - "hopeless" Was that wall always there?
ga200812 -- I would like to learn from your mistakes. - - But I'm not sure I could keep up. Class is now in session.
ga200813 -- Rats! - I lost another sock in the dryer! - Where do they go? I have no idea. Me either.
ga200814 -- - - Wha are you two just staring at your tofu? - If we stare at it long enough, maybe it'll turn into a steak.
ga200815 -- - BWA-HA-HA!! - I don't think he thought that through.
ga200816 -- - * PING - Calendar Reminder: - - - BOOT! - This thing is a lifesaver. *
ga200817 -- - - i'm binge-watching off into space.
ga200818 -- GAH! - THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER IS ON FIRE! - I TOLD you to get two of them!
ga200819 -- Odie... - Don't stand so close to me. - 
ga200820 -- Someday... - It will be time for someone younger and cuter to take your place. - Stupid someday.
ga200821 -- Would you think it was strange if I named my shoes? - Yes. Very. - Not that I- Phil! Jerry! 'sup, guys?
ga200822 -- I'm cool. - Who wants a fish-flavored num-num? Me! Me! Me! - And you didn't see that.
ga200823 -- - Awww...cute! - Ooooh, how CUTE! - Awwww...how cute is THAT?! - Okay, that really IS cute... - AWWWWWWWW! SOOOO CUTE!! - I'm trending! Yeah, yeah.
ga200824 -- I am pondering the future. - You know... - Dinner.
ga200825 -- Nobody's perfect. - - Have you looked everywhere?
ga200826 -- Bored. - So bored. - This helps a little.
ga200827 -- Today is just like yesterday. - GRASSHOPPERS HAVE TAKEN OVER MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER! - Just exactly like yesterday...
ga200828 -- Talk to me, Garfield. - BURP! - That's what you always say. And for good reason!
ga200829 -- What would I do without Jon? - Hmmmm... - Maybe get a vending machine!
ga200830 -- - - - click - - - Any time is quality time with a teddy bear.
ga200831 -- I like to plan for the future. - - This doesn't just  happen, you know.
ga200901 -- Good ol' Pooky... - Friend, confidant... - Cookie protector.
ga200902 -- Cats always land on their feet, and dogs... - - Well, they usually land on their heads.
ga200903 -- My name is Timmy... - And this is Greebot from the planet Zurco. - And here's our pocket nuclear particle accelerator! And that's how you win the science fair.
ga200904 -- Let's share our feelings. All right. - BURP - I'm feeling kinda gassy.
ga200905 -- It says here that vigorous exercise helps you work up an appetite. - - I'm starved! That's not vigorous exercise!
ga200906 -- tic tic tic tic tic tic - Huh? tic tic ti- - Hey! - Did you change the Wi-Fi password again?! No. - But I know who did. - Sigh... - crunch crunch crunch TWO bones? You're killing me here!
ga200907 -- Time flies when you're ... - - doing whatever this is.
ga200908 -- I can't find my new phone. - You need to return Jon's phone. But we're still watching the movie. - We've never seen it in widescreen!
ga200909 -- It's not like I go to school... - It's not like I go to work... - Let the weekend begin!
ga200910 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, my dog refuses to obey my commands". - "What's his problem?" Bark! Bark! Bark! - What's YOUR problem?
ga200911 -- Some people are vegetarians. - Good for them. - More meat for us!
ga200912 -- I got a ketchup stain on my shirt. - But, before I clean it... - I gotta post it! Welcome to the thrill ride that is Jon Arbuckle.
ga200913 -- ** - And now, the bonus round question: What is THIS the sound of? - BAM! BAM! BAM! BAAAHHH! - Five secondas... - Ooo! Ooo! I know that one! - Time's up! I'm sorry... - The correct answer was "Hitting your thumb with a hammer". Darn! - I was
ga200913 -- going to say that!
ga200914 -- I hate it when people bother me. - - That sure SEEMED like a cue.
ga200915 -- Greetings earthlings! - We have traveled 65 million light-years to your planet. - We hear you have bacon! Definitely worth the trip!
ga200916 -- "Dear Ask A Dog...Yap! Yap! Yap! Arfitty-arf-arf-arf!" - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! - Hey, no inside jokes, please.
ga200917 -- I ate too much cake... - Only one thing left to do... - Drink too much milk.
ga200918 -- Liz, were you popular in high school? Sure. Were you? - Uh...yeah. - They hated to see me leave! The bullies flew his underwear at half-staff.
ga200919 -- I left you a big salad in the fridge! - - AND I LEFT YOU A BIG HAIRBALL IN YOUR SLIPPER!!
ga200920 -- - Aaaand... - A-one... - And a-two... - And a-one... - And a-two... - Donut lunges.
ga200921 -- For all of you who got out of bed at the crack of dawn today... - I just want to say something... - What's for breakfast?
ga200922 -- Cats can read minds. - - And it's a curse.
ga200923 -- "Dear Ask A Dog"... - - I see Fifi the Poodle is still giving you the silent treatment. Sigh
ga200924 -- Does the early bird really get the worm? - Yes. - But all my kids will eat is Mac 'n' Cheese! I'm with the kids.
ga200925 -- Time for a midnight snack! - It's nine in the morning. - Hey, it's midnight somehwere! Good point!
ga200926 -- Our new microwave is great! - It can cook a Hotdog in just 35 seconds! Big deal. - I can eat it in half that time.
ga200927 -- - slup - - slup - - Whoooooo's a good boy? slu- - 
ga200928 -- Ready to train? - Let's start with some sustained breathing exercises. - Z
ga200929 -- I wonder why they call this a double espresso? - SIP - Ah.
ga200930 -- I live in a house full of superheroes. -  Captain Dull... - And his sidekick, Clueless Boy! I have a feeling we've been insulted, Clueless Boy.
ga201001 -- There is so much beauty in the world. - - You're wlcome.
ga201002 -- Hello, Jon. - Woof. - Did you accidentally take Odie's medicine again? Whiiine... I thought Jon's coat looked shinier.
ga201003 -- I'm very handy with tools! - Especially this smashy.thingy! - SMASH! OWWW! Which, as it turns out, is appropriately named.
ga201004 -- - - - bloop - ding ding ding - 7.5 8.0 6.5
ga201005 -- Sometimes I just can't contain my excitement. - Woo. - Hoo.
ga201006 -- - Keep up the good work! - Hee hee hee Jon thinks he's soooo funny.
ga201007 -- "Dear Ask a Dog..." - "Is it true that pigs are smarter than dogs?" - And is that a bacon sandwich?
ga201008 -- Uh-oh. - Bad things happen to Jon. - Even if it's just a leaf. Ow! My eye!
ga201009 -- Who knows what the future holds? - And, who cares? - Good point. Cat philosophy.
ga201010 -- Cats exist to give happiness. - Hey, when do I get paid?! - Like happiness is free.
ga201011 -- - I'm in a bad mood! - SLAP! - Wow! My bad mood is gone! - Thanks, Garfield! - - Did he just say something about a bad mood?
ga201012 -- I should get up. Hmmm... - It'll never catch on.
ga201013 -- My new place isn't real convenient. - But it has a great view. - 
ga201014 -- We dogs like to chew on things. - - I didn't like where that conversation was going.
ga201015 -- Ah, Lance Wellington... - He was class president, valedictorian, and captain of the basketball team. - But I was the Polka King! Lance must've been so envious.
ga201016 -- Jon had a little accident. - He was walking from the car with the pizza and tripped. Oh no! - Is the pizza okay?!
ga201017 -- I, for one, am against the arrival of autumn! - - I see that I've been outvoted.
ga201018 -- Z - I wonder if I'm awake. - Or asleep. - ...and having a really bad dream. - How can it be a bad dream if I'm in it? - - Good point.
ga201019 -- I can't go on like this! - - NOW I can.
ga201020 -- Sigh.  -Time for my three o'clock teleconference meeting. - This working from home is just brutal.
ga201021 -- This is my sad doggy face. You look rdiculous. - Aww, poor baby. Have a treat. - You look ridiculous.
ga201022 -- SLUP! - woo-hoo! whee! yee-haw! yowza! - Now that's strong coffee! mamma mia! what a rush!
ga201023 -- Liz, you're not like the other women I've known. - You haven't run away screaming. - Yet. She beat me to it!
ga201024 -- I am a magic genie. I will grant you three wishes. - Genie, I wish you were bad at math. Your wish is my command! - Okay, nine left! The kid is good.
ga201025 -- click And now, "Attack of the Zombie Leg" - THUNK...THUNK...THUNK... - THUNK...THUNK...THUNK... - THUNK...THUNK...THUNK... - OW! - STOP KICKING ME!!! Then tickle it's foot, lady!
ga201026 -- Good evening, I am Za Count. Pleeze come een. - May I take your neck? - COAT! COAT! I MEEENT COAT! Smooth.
ga201027 -- And now back to "Zombie Doctor." - Doc, i don't feel well. Why not? - I think I ate a bad brain last night. that'll do it.
ga201028 -- What a boring horror movie! - I just wish SOMEthing would happe- - Is that an eyeball?
ga201029 -- And now, "The Return of the Mummy". - SLAM! - Oh, honey! I'm home! There's a Mrs. Mummy?
ga201030 -- I've heard this horror movie is pretty scary. Maybe you shouldn't watch it. - - Where's Jon? Under the couch.
ga201031 -- Now back to "The Werewolf Pigs Out". - Hey, you've got something in your teeth, there. I do? - Probably just a chunk of unwary villager. He should floss more.
ga201101 -- WHAP! - chatter chatter chatter chatter chatter chatter - Z - SHOOF - SHOOF - SHOOF - SHOOF SHOOF SHOOF SHOOF SHOOF SHOOF SHOOF SHOOF SHOOF SHOOF - May we have a word with the blanket hog? Oink
ga201102 -- click click click click click click click - click click click click click click click - What are you doing with that remote? Trying to fast-forward to friday. click click click click
ga201103 -- I love the sound of falling rain. - - It remainds me of bacon sizzling.
ga201104 -- I took a first-aid class on the farm. - It was very challenging. - It's not easy giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a chicken. Wouldn't that be mouth-to-beak?
ga201105 -- Hot apple cider... - SLURP - Mother Nature's apology for taking away summer.
ga201106 -- I'm a man of mystery. - If you're a man of mystery you can't tell people that you're a man of mystery. - Who makes up these rules? The Mystery Police.
ga201107 -- I haven't bitten anyone in a long time. - Soooo... - Are you waiting for me to volunteer?
ga201108 -- - BARK! - Quiet, Odie. - BARK! BARK! - Quiet! And I mean it! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - I can't find any of my socks. Let's just say they're otherwise employed at the moment.
ga201109 -- I'm going for a walk. - - On purpose?!
ga201110 -- Not much bothers me. kick kick kick - STOP KICKING MY CHAIR!! - Okay, there are a few things. kick kick Like what?
ga201111 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, I think you're handsome." - "Do you have a girlfriend?" - Is this a joke? Woooof...
ga201112 -- - - Will you go away? Will you give me the Wi-Fi password?
ga201113 -- What's that on your head? A toupee. - But you have a full  head of hair! I'm wearing it for fun! - Liz has no sense of fun. Women.
ga201114 -- Garfield! - GARFIELD!! Research shows that cats do recognize their own names. - GARFIELD!!! ...and that they ignore them.
ga201115 -- GARFIELD! - I know what you did, Garfield, and you're REALLY in trouble now, buddy boy! I'm gonna- - click! - click! - - GET BACK HERE!
ga201116 -- They say bad things come in threes. Well, it's monday... - It's cold... - All we have is decaf. And there we go.
ga201117 -- I'm all about happiness! - - Mine, not yours.
ga201118 -- Can't say that I have. - It must be tough being a dog. - He shut the car door on his tail.
ga201119 -- Dinnertime! This is my "Pizza Dance"! - We're having tofu patties. - This is my "Tofy Patty Dance".
ga201120 -- Bad news. We're out of tofu. Oh. - Bad news, Garfield. - WE'RE OUT OF TOFU!! YES!!
ga201121 -- Check it out... - I got a longer chain for my birthday. - Is that so?
ga201122 -- Okay... - The turkey should be done soon! Great! - I'll go finish the side dishes now! - tap tap tap tap - 3 Large Pepperoni You're ordering pizza? Why would you- - YAAAHHH!! - YAM FIRE!! I like black olives on mine. tap tap tap
ga201123 -- - YAWN - I'm not boring. Are so.
ga201124 -- bzzzzzz - How do you always know when I have food? bzzzzz - I have an app for that. Figures.
ga201125 -- SLOSH SLOSH SLOSH - SLOSH SLOSH SLOSH - We're out of orange juice, grape soda, milk, coffee and bottled water. You're disgusting. osh osh osh
ga201126 -- Hey, Garfield. - Guess what I got at Big Burt's Mega-Warehouse store? - Gravy in a barrel! I'll get my straw!
ga201127 -- - GULP! - I'm helping Pooky stick to his diet.
ga201128 -- Dinner's ready! bzzzzzz - bzzzzzz - It's beef and asparagus salad! Thanks for the warning.
ga201129 -- - YAWN - z - SNAP! - z - SNAP! - Z - *
ga201130 -- Hey, Skinny! - You look amazing! - Ho do you (snicker) do it? I hate sarcastic scales.
ga201201 -- Hi, Liz! What are you... GRRR! - Hey, Garfield! What's- HISSS! - Diet week.
ga201202 -- I'm thinking of cheating on my diet. Cool! - Want to split a rat? - I'm thinking of sticking to my diet.
ga201203 -- As an expert on the subject... - Here's some simple, easy-to-follow advice on dieting... - Don't.
ga201204 -- Thank you for calling customer service. - Press one to leave a message that will never be returned. - Or press two to speak to a representative who will never answer. At least they're honest.
ga201205 -- I took mime lessons once. - But it didn't go well... - I kept getting trapped inside that invisible box! Jon, Jon, Jon.
ga201206 -- - Dear Santa, this is Garfield. - How are you? I am fine. - I have been very, very good all year. - He knows EVERYthing. - - Okay, but it was just the ONE ice cream truck.
ga201207 -- Did you finish your EMail to Santa? Sure did. - Did you lie about being good? I "embellished". - "...and then I rescued puppies from a burning orphanage..."
ga201208 -- It's December... - - Accessorize appropriately.
ga201209 -- "Dear ask a dog..." CHOMP CHEW CHEW CHEW - "Have you been a good boy" R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R - "Signed, Santa"
ga201210 -- I bet you've already started your Christmas shopping, haven't you? - Actually, I'm done. - I love and hate her so much. Balance is good.
ga201211 -- I got you something REALLY special for Christmas. - Not that I'M expecting anything special... - Better return the cheese log.
ga201212 -- - - And I thought MY Christmas list was long.
ga201213 -- * Fa La-La-La-Laaaah... - I love decorating for the holiday season...I love Christmas! - It gets me right here! - KACHUK That's the mailman!! - Hey, we got a Christmas card! - And it's from our homeowners's association! - A $75 fine for our
ga201213 -- ugly yard Santa Gets you right here.
ga201214 -- Christmas cookies... - - You've gotta eat 'em while they're in season!
ga201215 -- - I'VE been good, too! - Hey! This is MY video chat with Santa!
ga201216 -- Dear Santa, I would kie a personal chef for Christmas. tic tic tic - An Italian, who can make a killwe lasagna. tic tic tic tic - Hey, if you don't ask, you won't get!
ga201217 -- Cookies and milk at EVERY stop! - WOOOOOO-HOO! - "Santa Blows His Diet" will be right back. - Gets to me every year.
ga201218 -- Garfield and I made Christmas cookies. - Would you likeone? Sure! - This year we used MY cookie cutter.
ga201219 -- Your honor, we find the defendant... - Naughty! - We will return to "Santa Gets Jury Duty". I bet he gets underwear.
ga201220 -- - Here's your Christmas present, Odie! - - - - Let's hear it for regifting.
ga201221 -- This year I thought I'd give you something traditional... - That I made myself! - What's that? A salted gnat roll. Dig in.
ga201222 -- Now back to "Brucie the Christmas Elf's Summer Vacation... - ...to the SOUTH Pole." - HEY! IT'S COLD HERE! Brucie's not the brightest bulb on the tree.
ga201223 -- Today is Christmas Eve-Eve... - The Eve BEFORE Christmas Eve. - Otherwise known as "Hurry up and get here Day".
ga201224 -- Staying up to see Santa? This year I'm going to catch him in the act! - They say he's a master of disguise. He won't fool ME! - Ho! Ho! Ho!
ga201225 -- Merry Christmas, Donkey Face! Merry Christmas, Iguana Lips! - And happy new year, Gorilla Gut! Same to you, Buffalo Breath! - Have you called YOUR brother lately?
ga201226 -- Sigh - December 26th is the second-saddest day of the year. - Right after National Dog Day.
ga201227 -- - - - - - Odie - His best Christmas ever.
ga201228 -- Remember, not every gift is going to be exactly what you wanted... - The important thing is to be gracious, and to thank him. - So did you like the dung beetle? Why, yes, thank you!
ga201229 -- Every year I get the same thing for Christmas...cheese! - Every...single...year! It's always cheese! Cheese! Cheese! Cheese! Cheese! Cheese! - So life's good, huh? You bet your brie it is.
ga201230 -- It's me! - New and improved! - Now with 25 percent more sarcasm!
ga201231 -- I wonder what the new year will bring. - I just found a great new tofu recipe! - BRING BACK THE OLD YEAR!
ga210101 -- I don't need to set an alarm. - I wake up naturally. - It's 2078! Oops.
ga210102 -- I'm keeping a food diary. - tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic
ga210102 -- tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic - That's breakfast...now, the
ga210102 -- mid-morning snack!
ga210103 -- - There's napping... - Z - There's power napping... - Z - And there's Garfield Napping! - Z
ga210104 -- Monday... - Zero stars - Would not recommend.
ga210105 -- COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! - HAAAAACK!! - Sorry, got a fly caught in my throat. That's gross!
ga210106 -- Aroooooo! - Arooooooooooooooo! - We'll return to "Full Moon Theater". How can you watch this junk?!
ga210107 -- "Do something today that your future self will thank you for". - Words to live by. - I hid a dozen donuts under the bed.
ga210108 -- I'm feeling happy! - And you know what that means! - Hey, where did everyone go?
ga210019 -- Greetings! - And welcome to my...uh...um...uhhh... - Perhaps you should just leave.
ga210110 -- Beginning route... - Okay, continue for the next 40 feet... - Now turn right... - Merge left up ahead... - U-TURN! U-TURN! DOUBLE BACK! - There it is! You have reached your destination!! - My supermarket GPS. - Two-for-One Lasagna Noodles!
ga210111 -- Dear today, go away. - - On second thought, come back and bring coffee.
ga210112 -- - - Contortionist.
ga210113 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, what's the secret to happiness?" - ..... ... .. . ..... ... ... .... . .... .. - Bark at nothing, sniff everything.
ga210114 -- It's not easy being a parent. - How many kids do you have? - Forty-seven. That's a lot of school plays.
ga210115 -- Did you eat my last donut? - Nope! - Technically, it was my FIRST donut. Oooh, she's good.
ga210116 -- What's the secret to great coffee? Is it the quality of the beans? - Nope. - It's the size of the cup!
ga210117 -- - - - - - This has been "The Little Red Dot Show". - Coming up next: "Fake That Throw!"
ga210118 -- - There's a dead fly floating in your coffee. - To Monday! CLINK
ga210119 -- These fortune cookies fortunes are never right. munch munch - - YOU WILL EAT A FORTUNE COOKIE.
ga210120 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, how come my dog never does anythin heroic?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - It's your fault for not falling down a well.
ga210121 -- Meow! - Meow! - Meowr! Meeow! - Bask! Gee, I wonder who's getting voted off the island.
ga210122 -- What did you do today? - I resected a bowel on a great dane. - I changed the batteries in the TV remote! All by himself!
ga210123 -- It's good to stop and appreciate the little things in life. - We have ants. - Or squish them, as the case may be.
ga210124 -- Garfield... - Oh, Garfield... - It's me, Jon, I was rolling a snowball for a snowman and tripped going down a hill, and I got rolled up in it, and now I'm stuck. - - DON'T JUST STAND THERE! DO SOMETHING!! - Garfield? NEWS
ga210125 -- YAWN! - Some call it yawning. - I call it sleep warm-ups.
ga210126 -- Garfield, do you know what happened to this plate of domuts? Ooh! A guessing game! - Abducted by aliens?! Ran away to join the circus?! - Maybe they're plotting a takeover with the tater tots. Sometimes I'm glad I can't understand you.
ga210127 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, besides a dog, what animal makes the best pet?" - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Dude, a squeaky bone is not a pet.
ga210128 -- You know, Garfield... - I thought about being a doctor. - But I faint at the sight of blood. You faint at the sight of ketchup.
ga210129 -- Show of hands...who wants me to make my famous tuna casserole? - - Who wants me to order pizza?
ga210130 -- Life is complicated. Z - Unless you do it right.
ga210131 -- - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - SWIPE - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - SWIPE - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - SWIPE Dating app for dogs.
ga210201 -- What is going on  in the world?! - - Looks okay from here.
ga210202 -- Do you have any cheese? I'll check. - - Nope. Saaaaay...
ga210203 -- Dogs are very important. - Without dogs... - The world would have no dog jokes!
ga210204 -- Walked on Jon's keyboard... - Knocked over a plant...hacked up a hairball on the bedspread... - A cat's work is never done.
ga210205 -- Liz thinks I'm handsome. - Hmmm... - Did yoo loose these?
ga210206 -- I'll never forget the talent show in high school. - The crow went wild. - And smashed my accordion. There's hope for cvilization yet.
ga210207 -- - Look, Garfield! Sidewalk ice! - I used to love playing on this stuff when I was a kid. - What fun that was. - - YAAAAAAAAHHH ZWIP - Whare's Jon? Taking a trip down Memory Lane.
ga210208 -- Yawn! - You know what makes me sleepy? - Waking up.
ga210209 -- Most accidents happen at home. - CRASH! - OWW! And mostly to Jon.
ga210210 -- - dig dig dig dig dig BZZZT!! - You say you hit a power line?
ga210211 -- Hey, Garfield! Check it out! - I'm wearing 60 pairs of socks! - His day was not wasted.
ga210212 -- Liz, your beauty is more beautiful... - Than some less beautiful stuff. - Smoooth. As tree bark.
ga210213 -- They say good things come in small packages. - True... - But the best things come super-sized!
ga210214 -- - Garfield?... Yes? - Is this a date, or not? What's the difference? - Well, if this ISN'T a date, then we're just visiting... - But if it IS a date, there's a goodnight kiss at the end. - I see. What did you eat for lunch? - A rat. I do so
ga210214 -- enjoy our little visits.
ga210215 -- That's enough sleep. - Wait. Better double-check. - Z
ga210216 -- Uh-oh. - I need Jon! - I've run out of things to knock off the kitchen counter.
ga210217 -- "Daer Ask A Dog, what kinds of books do dogs like?" - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Paperbacks. They're easier to chew.
ga210218 -- I remember that trip to the beach. - A jellyfish swam up my trunks. - So embarrassing. But "Jon's Jellyfish Dance" got over a million views.
ga210219 -- Don't you think it's cold? No, of course not. - - Are those electric socks? Boy, you ask a lot of questions.
ga210220 -- I weigh myself every day.  -And I find it enjoyable. - Especially since I removed the batteries.
ga210221 -- - - - - - - Whew! - * Yodel-ayy-HEEEEE-hooooo *
ga210222 -- I'm staring off into space. - And letting my mind wander. - I call it multitasking.
ga210223 -- SKLOPRP! - This cat food is new and improved. - "Now with extra SKLORP!"
ga210224 -- Dear Ask A Dog, why do dogs bite mailmen? - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - They taste like chicken.
ga210225 -- I balanced my checkbook. - Vacuumed the house. - And cleaned out the hall closet- That was one loooong commercial break.
ga210226 -- I'm a cat of mytery. - Nobody knows what I'm thinking. - You're thinking about pizza. Yes, but sausage or pepperoni?
ga210227 -- The mice a re having a birthday party for their kids. DOINGA DOINGA DOINGA DOINGA - And they spared no expense. DOINGA DOINGA DOINGA DOINGA - Thoce bouncy houses don't come cheap. DOINGA DOINGA DOINGA DOINGA Woo-hoo!
ga210228 -- Okay, hon... - What'll it be? I'll have the Happy Heifer Steak. - Cold, or burnt to a crisp? Cold. - Limp fires, greasy onion rings or lumpy mashed potatoes? Fries. - Stale crackers, moldly bread or rock-hard biscuit? Um...crackers? -
ga210228 -- Week-old salad, or lukewarm soup? Soup? - And what do you want floating in it? Fly or gnat? Gotta love a diner!
ga210301 -- Hey, Garfield... - Know what this morning needs? - A POLKA! Take me now, Monday!
ga210302 -- Sometimes I forget to eat. - - Said Garfield never.
ga210303 -- Grrrrr...BARK! - RRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... - Sorry. Lost interest. Imagine how that makes me feel.
ga210304 -- - - Noise canceling earbuds. Best. Invention. Ever.
ga210305 -- New sweater? - I'm not wearing a sweater. - Then you really do have a cat hair problem. I prefer to think of it as "cat chic".
ga210306 -- - BURP! - I'm going to stop looking at you. Whoa! What kind of life would THAT be?!
ga210307 -- - I guess I'd better get your dinner. It's about time. - - KA-CHUNK! - - GGGAAAAAAAAAAAAA - WHY is there a turbo charger on the can opener?! Because very second counts.
ga210308 -- SLUP! - POP! - Like the coffee? It's half-caff. - Yes and no.
ga210309 -- Instead of reading the news today... - I would like to make funny faces. - Hyah, nyah. Actually, I prefer this.
ga210310 -- Have you noticed... - - That being a watchdog looks a lot like doing nothing?
ga210311 -- We have two kinds of ice cream... - Cocolate and vanilla? - Frozen and melted. I'll take melted with a straw.
ga210312 -- In high school, I tried out for football. - But I got hurt. How? - Paper cut from the application. A career-ending injury.
ga210313 -- Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese... - Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese. - Thanks for your help with the shopping list. And cheese!
ga210314 -- - That is a lot of snow. - THAT is a LOT of snow. A lotttttttt of snow. - A loooooooooottttttttttt - offffffffffffffffffffffff - snooooooooooooooow. - Where's Jon? In a lot of snow. Unlock this door!
ga210315 -- * PING! - WORKOUT REMINDER - One, two, one, two... click click click click
ga210316 -- What a nice day. - - I came in because there was nothing to complain about outside.
ga210317 -- Odie! The squirrel ate your food! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Yeah! You tell him! - Burp
ga210318 -- Something smells good. - Do you like my new cookie-scented candle? Candle?! - Have you considered cookie-scented COOKIES?
ga210319 -- I was going through the dumpsters this morning... - And got my head stuck in a can of salmon. - Top that. I wish.
ga210320 -- Garfield will never find where I hid the cookies! - - In the chandelier. Nice touch!
ga210321 -- - Now it's time for "Daddy's Home!" - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Odie! I'm right here! - And now back to "Daddy's Home!" - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!
ga210322 -- Time to go to work. - - And here I am.
ga210323 -- - COOKIE TREE - Hee hee hee Stupid squirrel jokes.
ga210324 -- Well? - bark - Must have been a rough might.
ga210325 -- Hey, chubs, what's new? - SMACK! - That is so NOT new!
ga210326 -- There's nothing that will get that cat up. - Bacon. - I stand corrected. You rang?
ga210327 -- Here we see a sleeping cat. - - In 19 hours, he will rise and eat. We're gonna need more popcorn.
ga210328 -- - tic tic tic - My phone is great! - Are you saying I'm not? - BURP! - I'd like to see your precious phone do that! - BURP!
ga210329 -- - I can't sit here all day. - Quitter!
ga210330 -- I got this great new diet app, Garfield. You take a picture of something, and it tells you how much fat it has in it. - click - WHOA! Are you gonna eat that?
ga210331 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - URK! - Pulled a muscle. I keep telling you...stretch first.
ga210401 -- - - I just raked!
ga210402 -- I just love the beach. - Me, too. - Or, as I call it, the litterbox by the sea.
ga210403 -- Good evening, cats and kittens! - What do you call a cat after a ten-hor nap? - Sleep-deprived! Thenk you! MEOW CLAP CLAP MEOW MEOWR MEYOWR MEE-OW CLAP CLAP CLAP
ga210404 -- - - - - - SHONK - Diet time. Rats.
ga210405 -- Should I get up? - Get up - Z
ga210406 -- I'm going to write myself a reminder. - "Get new pen, because this one is out of ink." - I can't read this. I'm going to cry now.
ga210407 -- This is a busy day. - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - And a noisy one. Can't argue with that.
ga210408 -- This is pretty good. - Are you enjoying that nutritious, high-fiber muffin? - Not anymore.
ga210409 -- Do you think we'll remember this time we've spent together? - Of course we will! - Assuming there are snacks.
ga210410 -- The world is a dangerous place. I prefer the safety of my own home. - 3...2...1... - CRASH! OWW!
ga210411 -- - - - - - - Darn it! April's such a tease.
ga210412 -- You've come to the right place, folks. - Yessiree... - This is where the Monday Magic happens.
ga210413 -- Garfield! - You should pick up your toy snake when you're done playing with it. - I don't have a toy snake. YAAAAAH! GAH! GAH! GAH!
ga210414 -- I am sending you some barks. tap tap tap - And I'm sending you some "fffts" and "rowrs". tap tap tap - I miss the good ol' days. Me too, brother.
ga210415 -- Garfield! - Have you been clawing the couch?! - Is that what that was?
ga210416 -- It wouldn't hurt you to dust around here. Sure. - Ow! - That's one nasty injury.
ga210417 -- We are the Cat People from Outer Space! - We have come to conquer your...haaah...HAAAAAAAH...HAAAAACK!! - Okay, you didn't see that. I wonder if it's too late to change species.
ga210418 -- - - - - - - Cat thing.
ga210419 -- Garfield! - Time to greet the day! Fine... - Buzz off, Monday!
ga210420 -- It would be great to see into the future. - For instance, I wish I knew what was going to happen tomorrow. - I could start avoinding it today.
ga210421 -- THWOCK! - FORE! - Drat! A sand trap! Stay out of my litter box!
ga210422 -- Pooky's the strong, silent type. - - Actually, he's the cuddly, silent type.
ga210423 -- See that domut, Garfield? - I believe you possess the fortitude and inner strength necessary to resist eating that donut! - Boy, you're a lousy judge of character.
ga210424 -- Okay, we've got a crew coming in at 10:30... - We'll start in the kitchen, and then proceed to the pantry... - Ants are so organized. And we'll be out of here at five on the dot.
ga210425 -- - - POINK - POINK POINK - POINK POINK POINK - POINK - Spring's flash mob.
ga210426 -- I'm too tired to move. - Lunch. - I'm too full to move.
ga210427 -- Doh! - One of my legs is asleep. - I've got you beat by three.
ga210428 -- I have a new girlfriend. - Here's a picture! Uh...cute. - What can I say? I'm a leg man.
ga210429 -- Something bad is going to happen. - CRACK - Though not on me. My car!
ga210430 -- Yup. - I'm a tough guy. - Scars make a guy look tough. That's a paper cut.
ga210501 -- I'm in a hurry this morning. - So I'm having a quick breakfast. - A bacon, egg, sausage, waffle and toast smoothie!
ga210502 -- - - - - - - Odie has the zoomies. Yiu think?
ga210503 -- Hey, Garfield. Hey. - What are you doing? Can't you see I'm busy? - Cat "busy" is different than human "busy".
ga210504 -- Here I am... - Taking swimming lessons as a kid. - I was afraid of deep water. Is that a bathtub?
ga210505 -- - - Forgot what he was going to say. BARK!
ga210506 -- wobble wobble wobble - wobble wobble wobble -How was the Cheese Festival? BURP!
ga210507 -- I'm very important to Liz. - She's constantly seeking my advice. - She has me taste chips to see if they're stale. You're a wise man, Jon Arbuckle.
ga210508 -- What to do today...what to do... - I think I'll stay out of trouble. - That should kill ten minutes.
ga210509 -- - SNIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFF - - SNIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFF - - SNIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFF - Shal we drive around the block again? Yesssss! DONUT SHOP
ga210510 -- Jon may not be perfect... - But he does make a good pillow. - Want to hear about my day? Shh...pillows don't talk.
ga210511 -- Mom said to chew each bite 32 times. - chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew - What happened to my food? It disappeared
ga210511 -- 31 chews ago.
ga210512 -- - - BARK!
ga210513 -- Ah... - It doesn't get much better than this. - Dining by refrigerator light.
ga210514 -- Better get the yardwork finished...I have a big date with Liz soon! - BRAAAAAAAAA WHIP WHIP WHIP WHIP WHIP WHIP WHIP WHIP OW! OW! OW! OW! - And do I get a choice of soup or muffin with that?
ga210515 -- Look at this interesting bug. Jon loves nature. - My, what a bit stinger! - OW! OW! OW! Unfortunately, the feeling isn't mutual.
ga210516 -- KNOCK! KNOCK! - KNOCK! KNOCK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! HONK! HONK! - * DING-DONG! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - AAAOOOOOGAH! - bark bark bark? - Yes, I'm pretty sure you can bark at that, too.
ga210517 -- Morning coffee. - SLURP - Mother Nature's jumper cables.
ga210518 -- Timmy fell down the well again! - Happens every week. - Timmy! You're grounded! Finally!
ga210519 -- The dog is out sick today. - Please enjoy this classic performance from April. - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! My life is now in reruns.
ga210520 -- I've always wondered... - How do spiders greet one another? What do you mmean? - Do you shake hands? Nope. Takes too long.
ga210521 -- Let's discuss our feelings. Great idea. - I feel sleepy. I feel hungry. - That's about it. Cat feelings...
ga210522 -- Instead of the news, let's take a look at my vacation photos. - Here I am being attacked by seagulls. - And more seagulls...and more gulls! JUST LET THEM HAVE THE SANDWICH!
ga210523 -- - - - - * DING-DONG! - SMOCCH SMOOCH SMOOCH KISS KISS KISS KISSY KISSY SMOOCH SMOOCH SMOOCHY SMOOCHY - Better tip him big. ptoo! ptoo! ptoo! ptoo!
ga210524 -- I'm not sleepy now. - But I will be sleepy later. - Better take a preemptive nap.
ga210525 -- Let's look at your options... - You could be a yarn tester, a rodent taster, a curtain shredder... - Or a box inspector. Cat career counselor.
ga210526 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, how can you stand to get so dirty when digging holes? - - No, you may NOT do a shampoo commercial.
ga210527 -- BURP! - And, for those of you who arrived late... - BURP!
ga210528 -- Hi, cat! - Or as we fleas like to call you... - The neverending buffet! Hee! Hee! Everyone's a comedian.
ga210529 -- - - Too steep.
ga210530 -- * beedle beedle beedle - Hi, Liz! It's Jon! Video Call - Remember when you said my house was a pig sty? Well look at tTHIS! - TA-DAHHH! Garfield and I cleaned it up! - Wow, looks nice. Doesn't it? - - Uh...Jon? What's that, Liz? You're
ga210530 -- breaking up.
ga210531 -- - - Garfield, time for bed. Just five more minutes.
ga210601 -- I'm searching for inner peace. BURP! - Ahhh...there it is.
ga210602 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - Eating peanuts in front of the squirrel...niiice.
ga210603 -- - You look different. Yeah, I lost weight. - Diet? Dryer ride!
ga210604 -- Run, Jon! - Run for your life! - We should sign up for yoga.
ga210605 -- I don't trust you. - You don't? - He must be paying attention.
ga210606 -- - - - - - It's raining too hard to get into the pool. Right. - YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO GET WET!
ga210607 -- Some people like to be alone with their thoughts. - - I prefer to be alone with my donut.
ga210608 -- I've been eating donuts all morning. - I need a break from donuts. -
ga210609 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, are you scared, punk?...ARE you?" - Signed, the vacuum cleaner. - Odie?
ga210610 -- snif - - Oh, like you've never sneezed and thrown your back out?
ga210611 -- Want to do something? - Like what? - We could hang around someone who's allergic to cats. - I'll pack some snacks.
ga210612 -- I feel like I can accomplish anything! - Woah... - I've always wanted to say that. And now you've accomplished it!
ga210613 -- ******* - Hi, I'm your age nightmare for this evening... - The website password that you can't remember anymore! - BWAH-HA-HA-HA HAAAAAH!
ga210613 -- Which website? - - Darn! Et tu, password?
ga210614 -- As you grow older you realize what's really important. - Like, for instance... - Not growing older.
ga210615 -- Do you know what you want for your birthday? No. - How old are you going to be? 43. - How about some handrails for your sandbox? Scram, punk.
ga210616 -- You're going to be HOW old? 43. - - Want me to check your vitals? Go away.
ga210617 -- What do you want for your birthday, Garfield? And think big! - Money is no object! - scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga210618 -- I got you a talking birthday card! - You're old! - Did Garfield like his card? You're old!
ga210619 -- The perfect hiding place. - They'll NEVER find me in here. - Safe at last.
ga210620 -- - - - SIGH - - pet pet pet - My super power.
ga210621 -- Are you eating the last donut? - I'm SHARING the last donut. - Here, have the hole.
ga210622 -- What's the most important meal of the day? - That's easy... - Breakfastlunchdinnersnacks!
ga210623 -- See, Garfield? - THIS is how you catch a mouse! That's very good, Jon. - You start Monday.
ga210624 -- YAH! - The toaster is smoking, there's a sinkhole in the shower, and boll weevils have infested my sock drawer! - Nothing ever changes around here.
ga210625 -- Go away. - - Teach me how to do that.
ga210626 -- I'm thankful for the little things in life. - That's good. - It leaves the big things for me.
ga210627 -- Sigh - Isn't the moon beautiful tonight, Garfield? - It looks just like a large cheese pizza. - Well, see you tomorrow. - GROWLLL... - - BURP
ga210628 -- Watch this. - I'm walking by a plate of donuts. - You have just gained two pounds. Explain that, science.
ga210629 -- Garfield... - I want to help you with your diet. - So, I got a new fridge! I hate you.
ga210630 -- Diet face. - Cheating on my diet face. - Diet face.
ga210701 -- Odie - Today's dieting tip... - The calories from eating someone else's food don't count.
ga210702 -- You're fat! - I demand an apology! - Okay, I'm sorry that you're fat!
ga210703 -- You know... - I COULD lose weight... - But I hate losing.
ga210704 -- Z - Z - I don't want to. - I don't want to. - You can't make me. - It's sunday. - Z
ga210705 -- When you think about it... - Every day is someone's birthday. - Cake for breakfast? One down, 7.8 billion to go!
ga210706 -- * Ah, the sounds of summer! The morning dove... - ** *The black-capped chickadee... - ** ** * The neighborhood ice cream truck!
ga210707 -- BURP! - Pepperoni pizza. - SQUEAK! Rubber pork chop.
ga210708 -- - I love you, chair... - You understand me.
ga210709 -- I'm giving up chips. - I'm giving up cookies. - Oh, no! What will we do with all those extra chips and cookies?
ga210710 -- You're not eating your salad. - I want to make it last. - Until it wilts, and I can pitch it.
ga210711 -- boop boop bip bip bip boop bip - * beedle beedle beedle beedle - Hi, Liz, it's Jon. - Hi, Jon, what's up? It's Sunday, I'm bored and I don't know what to do. - Well, you could trim the hair in your ears. Why? - It's getting pretty long. And
ga210711 -- how would you know that? - This is a video call. I'll fire up the weed whacker.
ga210712 -- Start Monday with a good stretch... - CRACK! - And spend the rest of Monday recovering from a good stretch.
ga210713 -- Sometimes I wake up at night with a brilliant idea. - And I make a note of it on my phone. - Neegle nee gloop? Thanks for sharing.
ga210714 -- The world loves doggie slobber! - No, it doesn't. - Could my mom have lied to me?
ga210715 -- I could catch you if I wanted to. - Okay. - Wait! You have to give me a head start!
ga210716 -- Where's Alene? - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! She can't make it? - Bark! Bark! Barrrrrrk? And no, I didn't bring you flowers!
ga210717 -- Boring piece of paper. - crumple crumple crumple - Fun cat toy!
ga210718 -- - Garfield, I_ - SILENCE! - SLUP! - - * PING! - You may now speak.
ga210719 -- Am I eating because I'm bored? - Yes. - Being bored rocks!
ga210720 -- The only thing worse than a tofu burger... - Burp - Is a tofu burger burp.
ga210721 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, why do dogs always seem to bark at 3 A.M.?" - Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - That's what time the neighborhood contest starts.
ga210722 -- Thanks for joining us. - Today's webinar is... - "How to walk on a keyboard to cause a factory reset." A cat classic!
ga210723 -- When you're in love... - Nothing is impossible. - Except deciding where to eat. Pizza? How about Sushi?
ga210724 -- Hey, where'd Bob go? - You'll see. - Bob! 'sup, dude?
ga210725 -- * PING - I had heard good things about this place, but... - The food was dry. scroll scroll - The presentation left something to be desired. scroll scroll - The service was slow. scroll scroll - And the waiter was unattentive and oafish. -
ga210725 -- OAFISH?! tap tap tap Also touchy.
ga210726 -- I'm going to start giving it 100 percent. - - More precisely, 10 percent a day for the next 10 days.
ga210727 -- Whoa! - Garfield! Check it out! - This sock is really long! Not quite long enough.
ga210728 -- Look at this... - When I was a kid on the farm... - I had GREAT birthday parties. I like the Pinata shaped like a cow's udder.
ga210729 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! -I didn't see you yesterday, so I owed you double. Lucky me.
ga210730 -- What's that, Liz? Jon... - You don't like it when Garfield is mean to me? Jon... - And he should lose weight? You're talking into a sponge.
ga210731 -- Have you worked up an appetite? No. - GULP - Real pros don't have to.
ga210801 -- - - - - - - OKay! It's been half an hour! - We wouldn't want to cramp up and drown.
ga210802 -- Z - GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE! TIME TO RISE AND GREET THIS GLORIOUS DAY! OH, JOY! OH, JOY! * FA-LA-LAAAAAH! * - snicker Stupid Monday morning alarm.
ga210803 -- Z - DONK! OWW!! - DONK! OW! DONK! OW! Toes...nature's nighttime furniture finders.
ga210804 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, how can I get my dog to stop eating my cat's food?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Oh, yes it CAN be done.
ga210805 -- I have a question... - Why does Swiss cheese have all those holes? - So mice can play hide-and-seek. Remind me to switch to cheddar.
ga210806 -- What a wonderful night! - The clear sky...the cool breeze... - The smell of an open dumpster. sniff Aaah.
ga210807 -- You need to eat less. - For your information, I skipped lunch. - It was back in 1994, but it still counts.
ga210808 -- OWOOOOOOOOO - OWOOOOOOOOO OWOOO OWOOO OWOOOOOOOOO - - Z - - OWOOOOOO - Stupid encore.
ga210809 -- This cereal says it's new and improved. - I wonder what's different? - "Now fortified with caffeine." Gimme!
ga210810 -- What's worse than a spider? - - A spider with an accordion. I also play the bagpipes and sell insurance!
ga210811 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! -And just what are you doing? Looking for the "off" switch.
ga210812 -- Before you start a new diet, clean out all the fattening food... - It's all gotta go! - BURP!
ga210813 -- Isn't staying out late fun? - Garfield? - Z Mr. Excitement is asleep with his eyes open again.
ga210814 -- Look, here's your first day in the house. - - And the last day we ever had leftover pizza. You're welcome.
ga210815 -- Huh... Z - I wonder if I can curl up and nap like that. Z - Z - Z - boop boop beep bip bip beep boop Z - * beedle beedle beedle - OWWWWWWWW
ga210816 -- Ah, running! - Ah, inactivity. - I pulled a muscle! What's a muscle?
ga210817 -- And now, hot to train your cat... - Lessone one... - Give up. Smart move.
ga210818 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, didn't I see you on my lawn last week? - - "Yes, you."
ga210819 -- OOOOOOOO... - AHHHHHHH... - Cheese-making documentary.
ga210820 -- Really?! It's true. - I batted a ball of yarn today. - Tell me more. The ladies love the athletes.
ga210821 -- Nothing can wipe the smile off my face! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Still smiling. - I know what's REALLY in cat food. Don't tell me!
ga210822 -- - That's so cute! - Where's my phone? Where's my phone? - I have to get a picture! - Found it! - Rats. Z - 
ga210823 -- I would have a hard time holding down an office job. - - I'm not good at looking busy.
ga210824 -- Here is the table of my aunt... - Squeak! Squeak-Squeak! - Squeak! Squeak-Squeak! - Squeaky-Squeak-Squeak! I'm brushing up on my mouse.
ga210825 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, does a cold nose mean a dog is happy?" BARK! - Yes! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Especially if it's been in ice cream.
ga210826 -- Once upon a timne there was a cat... - who hugged his teddy bear. The End - I love stories with happy endings.
ga210827 -- I like to give of myself. - Can I have a fry? - Myself, not my food.
ga210828 -- Fear not! - The Caped Avenger returns! - I shall now liberate the donuts trapped in the cupboard!
ga210829 -- - - - - - - Wh wants another grilled liver tahini satay kebob?!
ga210830 -- I'm having a green donut. - - Everything green is a vegetable, you know.
ga210831 -- I had such a crush on Suzy Baker. - She even wrote in my yearbook. Wow, maybe she liked you. - "To whats-His-Name, have a good summer". She could've been MRS. What's-His-Name.
ga210901 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! Z - BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! Stop watching squirrel videos and go to bed!
ga210902 -- You know, I believe deep down you're a good guy. - SMACK! - Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay deep down.
ga210903 -- I never ask...how was your day? Fun! - I ate a rat for lunch, and got the tail stuck between my teeth... - And in the dumpster, there was this green stuff growing in a ham can... I hat to ask.
ga210904 -- ...and when the moon is full, I turn into a werewolf and eat people. - ...uh-HUH - So tell me a little about yourself. First dates are so awkward.
ga210905 -- SHRED SHRED SHRED SHRED SHRED SHRED - CLICK - Garfield - CLICK - BOOT! - CLICK - I take pride in my work.
ga210906 -- I got the blues... - The worst kind of blues... - I got them low.down "Pizza guy got lost and delivered my pie to the wrong house" blues.
ga210907 -- I remember Miss Jackson's class... - Reading her textbook always made me cry... - "Algebra". - And the tearjerker sequel, "Algebra 2".
ga210908 -- - BARK! - Must be feeding time.
ga210909 -- Feel like chasing me? No. - Okay. See you. - Sometimes nature isn't cruel.
ga210910 -- Garfield, I downloaded an app to Jon's phone..."Tofu to You"! - With the push of a button, you get tofu delivered! - What do you think? DELETE
ga210911 -- Aaah... - BURP! - This testimonial was brought to you by Vito's Pizza.
ga210912 -- * O-dieeee... - Odie, I'll hold the football, and you come running up and kick it! - - C'mon! Pleeeease?! - Okay then, fine! I'LL do the kicking! - - KICK!
ga210913 -- Lunch is ready. - - Not gonna happen. What are you, lazy?!
ga210914 -- I'm feeling depressed. - - Pooky?
ga210915 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, why do cats have nine lives?" - I'll take this one, Odie... - It's simple. Cats have too much sarcasm for just one life.
ga210916 -- Do I want to stay in? - Or do I want to go out? - 
ga210917 -- Miss me? - huh? - I have ice cream. Arlene! Where have you been?
ga210918 -- Today's Garfield math lesson: Six donuts plus six donuts equals... - GULP - Two empty plates!
ga210919 -- - Let's see...pepperoni is always good...and mushrooms...everyone likes mushrooms, right? - ...extra cheese, naturally...and green peppers, and olives, and onions...mmmm...and SAUSAGE! - Hot peppers, of course, gotta have those...and we can't
ga210919 -- forget the anchovies, can we? - Oh! And BEEF! What's a pizza without BEEF?! - Extra large, right? I'll call it in. - What did I EVER do to deserve her? Did you hear the way she said "extra cheese"?
ga210920 -- I'm a rule follower. - Rule number one... - The rules don't apply to me.
ga210921 -- The robot vacuum stopped. Is it broken? - HAAA AACK! - No, just a hairball.
ga210922 -- I dream about chasing rabbits. - I dream about chasing lasagna. - Lasagna? Yeah, and without doing that silly leg thing you do.
ga210923 -- I love you, Garfield! - How about a hug? - How about a large lasagna pizza instead?
ga210924 -- I'm a great listener. - Really? Yes! - There's a pizza guy two doors down, ans the ice cream truck has just rounded the corner.
ga210925 -- I feel like the world doesn't know the real me. - Well that's just great. - Why should the world get all the breaks?
ga210926 -- - - Uh-oh! - I am NOT ready for autumn yet. - Do NOT fall off that tree! - WHOOMP -
ga210927 -- Summer is long gone, Garfield. Don't remind me. - The days are getting shorter. Yeah, yeah. - Soon the holidays will be here, with all their cookies, candy and food. A silver lining!
ga210928 -- PING! PING! PING! - Woo-hoo! - Fall harvest time.
ga210929 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, why does my dog sleep so much?" - Bark, bark, bark, bark? - Maybe because you ask boring questions? Z
ga210930 -- I'm so sleepy... - I was up late with a good book last night. - Yeah, he was coloring until after midnight.
ga211001 -- I love you, because you're the prettiest girl in the whole world. - And I love you, because you haven't embarrassed me in public for three whole days. - It IS a new record for me. You da MAN
ga211002 -- I demand respect! - Have a cookie. - Better yet.
ga211003 -- CLICK - Here we see the North American mountain lion in search of a meal. - Spotting his prey, he crouches in the tall grass... - Every muscle tensed...waiting for the perfect moment... - And then he strikes! - I'll have a grilled pita wrap,
ga211003 -- and a small diet cola. Pull around to the first window. - Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Oh, and I've got a coupon.
ga211004 -- Jon and I have the perfect relationship. He does everything, and I do nothing. - - Can't you do something? Why mess with perfection?
ga211005 -- Garfield, I decided I should read more! - "Fortified with essential vitamins and minerals..." - That's enough for today. My head hurts. Tomorrow, we read a milk carton!
ga211006 -- Dogs are natual leaders. - - Cats are natural ignorers.
ga211007 -- We have a very special guest artist today. - The part of Odie will be played by Nermal. - BOOT!
ga211008 -- Growing up, I had an imaginary friend. Mee, to! - Hey... - Maybe we should introduce them sometime! Jon, Jon, Jon...
ga211009 -- I've been thinking about things. - You have? - Shouldn't you leave stuff like that to someone better qualified?
ga211010 -- Oh, Garfield... - Oh, Garrrrrfield! Would you like a treat? - One that doesn't have a pill in it, of course! That would be silly! - Who could imagine such a thing?! - I believe I'll have this one instead. - Heh, heh, heh. - Heh, heh, heh. I
ga211010 -- think I've just been had.
ga211011 -- Take a Number - - 643? Busy day.
ga211012 -- I'm happy. - - According to my face.
ga211013 -- Okay, Odie... - I have devised an elaborate escape plan... - Which will be activated if we hear Jon say "Tofu," "Exercise" or "Romantic Comedy".
ga211014 -- I have a thousand photos stored on my phone. Really? - 999 pictures of cheese... - and one of mom. You sentimental fool, you.
ga211015 -- How are you today, Gaefield? - Uh... - What answer can I give that won't lead to a checkup?
ga211016 -- I'm not going to be at your beck and call! - I have important things to do! Yeah, I guess you're right. - That sock drawer isn't going to organize itself.
ga211017 -- - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - - Pardon me. And excuse me. - - Dranka  lot of water this morning. Coffee here. - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!
ga211018 -- Garfield, you can't just lie there all day. - Yes, I can. - I have a doctor's note.
ga211019 -- I'm going to try to be more positive. - THE DAM HAS BURST! - Here come the fish!
ga211020 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, what's the best way to get a dog to stop barking?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
ga211020 -- Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
ga211021 -- And now, "The Invisible Man Plays Charades". - - Time's up...again. I hate this game!
ga211022 -- Larry, Darling, there's a rumor going around that you're a werewolf. - Tht's utter nonsense, my dearest... - Care for a doggy treat? AWK-ward.
ga211023 -- sluck sluck sluck Count, why are you sucking on your own hand? - Paper cut. sluck sluck sluck - And it's snack time. sluck sluck sluck What a happy coincidence.
ga211024 -- CREEEEEAK - CREEEEEEEEAK - Did you haer that?! Yeah...what was it?! - I don't know, but I don't like it...say, what if they're true? - What if what's true? - Those rumors of a hideous monster living within the walls of this hou- - RAAAHHHRR!!
ga211024 -- - Sorry.
ga211025 -- Now back to "Attack of the 50-Foot Bunny". - YAAAHHHH!! - That guy sure picked a bad day to wear his lettuce suit.
ga211026 -- My giant robot will help me take over the world! - I just need to power him up! - Igor, go get 12,000 AA batteries! Yes, Master! - I think the world is safe.
ga211027 -- Ohhh, doc, you've gotta help me... - What is it, Mr. Wolfman?! You look awful! - I think I ate a bad villager. That'll happen.
ga211028 -- And now back to "Dracula texts his Victim". - I VAN TO BITE YR NEK tap tap tap - :-) :-) :-)
ga211029 -- And now tonight's feature film... - "The Giant Bloodsucking Leech... - versus A Personal Injury Attorney". This one could go either way.
ga211030 -- We found the giant monster's weakness! - HEE! HEE! HO! HO! HOO! HOO! - He's ticklish! That's one huge feather.
ga211031 -- - - - Greetings, earthling! I come in peace! - I wish to learn about your Earth customs and traditions! - Can you show me? Sure. - How'd it go? Fire up the death ray.
ga211101 -- - - Enjoying your retirement?
ga211102 -- I'm going grocery shopping. - To buy food...all of which you will eat... - Leaving me nothing! Sounds like a plan.
ga211103 -- Grrrrr... What's your problem, Odie? - - Never underestimate the power of a hug.
ga211104 -- Don't swat me! - - Whoa...now what?
ga211105 -- I couldn't sleep thinking about you last night, Liz. - How swee- - SNORE
ga211106 -- I want to get everything I can out of life. - - Especially frosting!
ga211107 -- - - SLURP - - - PLINK! - The older we get, the longer it takes for the caffeine to kick in.
ga211108 -- Just think of all the things that have happened in my life... - - Well, that didn't take long.
ga211109 -- The cat is king in the jungle! - - And of the well-manicured lawn.
ga211110 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, what was the greatest movie ever made?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Could you be more specific than "the one with the dog"?
ga211111 -- - DANGER! - Uh-huh, that's right.
ga211112 -- Cats are wonderful company. Yes, they are. - Garfield! Come spend some time with us! - All right, let's get this over with.
ga211113 -- - - Stop staring at my sweater. Mom?
ga211114 -- tap tap tap   tap tap tap - tap tap tap   tap tap tap - tap tap tap   tap  Finished! - Finished? Finished my Christmas shopping! - - - The black ten goes on the red jack.
ga211115 -- - - The seasons, they are a-changin'.
ga211116 -- Hey, cat! - Get out of here! Why? - I have a family of nuthatches coming to look at this tree. You real estate agents are sure pushy!
ga211117 -- - DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG  PAT PAT PAT PAT  TAP TAP TAP TAP - He'll still forget where he buried it. BONE v
ga211118 -- So how do spiders build such intricate webs? - Good question... - I have an app for that. I should have guessed.
ga211119 -- Hey, chubs, if you could do anything in the world... - What would you do? - He walked right into that one.
ga211120 -- My memory isn't what it used to be. Sometimes I forget things... - However, on the other hand... - My memory isn't what it used to be. Sometimes I forget things...
ga211121 -- - - - - STOMP! - ? click click click -
ga211122 -- - - Stop whatever you're doing. Way ahead of you.
ga211123 -- Pooky's helping me get in touch with my inner bear... - - I'm hibernating.
ga211124 -- Tug-of-War with a squirrel! - - Okay, several squirrels.
ga211125 -- Did you know that cheese comes from milk? Really? - - Well?
ga211126 -- I'm on a fat-free diet! - I'm on a sugar-free diet! - I'm on a diet-free diet.
ga211127 -- - I'm not eating. - Then I'll check for crumbs.
ga211128 -- Okay, then... - I'll meet you at the coffee shop in an hour, Jon. Okay, Liz! - ...just enough time for a quick power nap! - Z - Z - Z - I'll wait to order, my girlfriend isn't here yet. HER I gonna meet.
ga211129 -- Owww... - My back hurts from sleeping for 18 hours. - For you, that would be considered a work-related injury. Shut up.
ga211130 -- ** - Nice try, but I know it's you, cat. You do? - I installed a new doorbell camera. Stupid technology.
ga211201 -- - BEWARE OF DOG'S MOM ? - You two play nice now, you hear? Yes, mother. Yes, ma'am!
ga211202 -- Hey, Pooky... - Can I borrow a hug? - I promise I'll give it right back.
ga211203 -- How was the dinner? Not bad. - The steak was a ten... - But the kale salad was a minus eight, so... *2*
ga211204 -- *ping! *ping! *ping! *ping! - Garfield, stop sending me gross bug pictures! Now I've lost my appetite! - Mission accomplished!
ga211205 -- Garfield...Garrrr-fieeeld.. Z - GARRRRRRR-FIEEEEEELD... Who is it?! - It's me, your sugarplum dream! - ...and me, your candy cane dream! - ...and ME, your gingerbread man dream! - Candy corn here! - Am I late? Just a tad.
ga211206 -- Soon it will be Christmas. "Soon"? - How soon? It it now? - I can't hurry it up. ...now?
ga211207 -- You have to ease into the holidays. - WOOOOO HOO-HOO HOOOOOOO!!! - UNLESS THAT HOLIDAY IS CHRISTMAS, BABY!
ga211208 -- KNEAD KNEAD KNEAD KNEAD - Oooooh! - Christmas cookies in the larval stage!
ga211209 -- Oh, no! All our servers are down! Now children can't send their e-mails to Santa! Is that so? - Well, you bring me some coffee and donuts, I MIGHT just fix that little problem. - We will return to "John, the I.T. Manager Elf Wo Saved
ga211209 -- Christmas". I like John.
ga211210 -- Santa is watching you. - - Get a life, Santa.
ga211211 -- I love Christmas. - That Santa Claus is one generous guy. - If he knows what's good for him.
ga211212 -- - - - - - - Oh, come on!
ga211213 -- I enjoy decorating for Christmas. Is that so? - GARFIELD! - Why is there cheese on the tree?!
ga211214 -- Garfield, did you find the tinsel? - No. - But Odie did.
ga211215 -- Dear Santa, Too blah. - Dear Sir, Too stuffy. - Oh Bearded One,
ga211216 -- Dear Santa, I don't want anything this year... tic tic tic tic - but POOKY would like 10 dozen donuts and 100 pepperoni pizzas. tic tic tic tic - Always thinking of others...that's the kind of guy I am.
ga211217 -- Christmases back on the farm had special traditions. - - Ever have hog nog? Go away.
ga211218 -- Ho! Ho! Ho! - Need a last-minute holiday gift idea, little fella? - Gnats make great stocking stuffers! Thanks, Spider Claus! Hey! Hey! I'm eating here!
ga211219 -- Oh, look! - Why, thank you, Odie! - What could it be? - JUST WHAT I WANTED! - I love it! I love it! I love it! - Rehearsing for Christmas morning, Garfield? Bring it!
ga211220 -- I'll deliver the toys to the children... - Eventually... - We'll return to "Sid, the Snail Who TRIED to Save Christmas". Could this movie BE any slower?!
ga211221 -- - Winter has arrived. -
ga211222 -- * - Hold this ribbon down. -
ga211223 -- Dear Santa, I would like a new suit for Christmas. tic tic tic - Attached is a picture of the style I prefer. tic tic tic tic - Do we have any lime green polyester left in the warehouse?
ga211224 -- Oh, boy! - It's Christmas eve! - Whaddya say we all go to bed early and not be able to sleep?!
ga211225 -- What were your favorite gifts, guys? Urf! My squeaky mouse! My candle! - Mine is being here with you. -
ga211226 -- - How cuuute! - I love it when your mom makes you matching (snicker) sweaters for Christmas. - What's that? For you. -
ga211227 -- - - If I don't open my eyes, monday can't get me.
ga211228 -- Sigh... - ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE SNOW! - Right, Odie?
ga211229 -- Brrr - I'm cold. - Like that's a bad thing?
ga211230 -- Guess what, Garfield. - I'm picking up Liz at 8 o'clock tonight to go dancing! - Now where's my white belt and gold chains?! See you at 8:05.
ga211231 -- The giant ape is climbing to the top of the skyscraper! - Why would he do that? - Oooo...ahhhhh... - It's the best place to watch fireworks.
ga220101 -- Do you have any New Year's resolutions, Liz? I thought maybe I should lose some wight. - What do YOU think? - I hate these questions. Yeah, but I LOVE your answers.
ga220102 -- Listen up, you! - YOu need to get tough! - Jon's shouting into the mirror. - You got what it takes, pal! - You're not afraid of anything! - You can do this!! - It's laundry day. Show those socks who's boss!
ga220103 -- Jon says I'm fat. - Not true. - His furniture is just cheap.
ga220104 -- Sigh. - I wish I could lose weight... - ? AS EASILY AS JON LOSES HIS PHONE!
ga220105 -- Dieting? - May I recommend the Donut Diet? - The center has zero calories!
ga220106 -- I just finished a three-day diet. - BURP! - In 30 minutes!
ga220107 -- - I love diet week. - JON'S diet week!
ga220108 -- That's a nice fire. - Yup. - Diet books make great kindling.
ga220109 -- - - PLEASE HELP - - - KLINK -
ga220110 -- Ah, monday... - I try to ease into the week. - So that by the time I'm fully awake, it's Friday.
ga220111 -- - OK! OK! I confess! I ATE THE LAST COOKIE! - Some people just aren't cut out for a life of crime. SOB
ga220112 -- You're new. What's your name? - I'm not sure. - It's either "Get out of the trash," or "shut up and stop barking, you stupid mutt". I'll call you Bob.
ga220113 -- I need to get Liz a present for her birthday. - Something great. Hang on! - Not that. Don't like the frame?
ga220114 -- I look out for number one! - Yes! - You understand that "number one" is me, right? Actually, you're more like number four.
ga220115 -- I'm cutting back. - - No sprinkles!
ga220116 -- WHAT?! - Are you KIDDING me?! This is an OUTRAGE!! - SPLOT - - - - Forgot the lemon wedge again, didn't you? You'd think I'd learn.
ga220117 -- The coffee goes in... - SLURP - And the awesome comes out!
ga220118 -- Every day, I get in 10,000 steps... - - ...between the couch and refrigerator.
ga220119 -- Odie let his mind wander... - - And it hasn't come back yet.
ga220120 -- - Hey! Shut the door! You're letting all the cold out! What are you thinking?! Yeah! - It's definitely time to get rid of those leftovers.
ga220121 -- Liz, if you were a superhero... - What superpower would you want? - The power to travel through time and avoid this conversation. Take me with you.
ga220122 -- Herbie? - BURP - Herbie sends his regards.
ga220123 -- - - - - - click -
ga220124 -- Know what's the best part of waking up on a monday morning? - Me neither. - Z
ga220125 -- I was busy today. - Too busy. - I'll have to do twice as much nothing tomorrow.
ga220126 -- chew chew chew - chew chew chew - Good issue of "Chewing Magazine"? chew chew chew
ga220127 -- Sometimes I worry... - What if I sit down and forget how to stand up? - What if I forget how to walk? Too bad you can't forget how to talk.
ga220128 -- Great meal! Sure was. - Know what I like to do after dinner? What's that? - Talk. Z
ga220129 -- You know, Garfield, today wasn't a total loss... - And this dinner isn't terrible. - The secret to happiness is lowering your expectations.
ga220130 -- - I'm hungry. Me, too. - Why don't we split a pizza? - - As in "divide" a pizza. - - It means "share". PICK A WORD I KNOW!!!
ga220131 -- We're late! We're late! - Places, everyone! spritz spritz spritz -
ga220201 -- sniffle - WAH CHOO -
ga220202 -- Hey, we were evicted from the cat next door. Can we stay with you? - I know someplace even better... - And check out the spacious ears. Nice!
ga220203 -- beedle beedle beedle There's my alarm, reminding me not to work out. - - beedle boodle baddle And my other alarm, reminding me to have a donut.
ga220204 -- Ha! Cat, you are no match for my lignthing-fast- - SMACK! - pain receptors.
ga220205 -- Garfield! - I'm home! Good. - I've been waiting all day to ignore you.
ga220206 -- - CLICK - - CLICK - - CLICK - ? CLICK Try "Panorama", dummy.
ga220207 -- - I'm in a bad mood. - And its nam eis February.
ga220208 -- BEEDLE BEEDLE BEEDLE - * STOP CALLING ME! - Stupid early bird.
ga220209 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, my dog won't eat my homework... - Wht can I do? Signed, Billy, age 9". Bark" Bark" Bark! - Try dipping sauces.
ga220210 -- SHRED SHRED SHRED SHRED SHRED SHRED SHRED - pant pant pant pant - Cat cardio.
ga220211 -- I used to run in high school. I tried out for the track team. - Oh, how I wanted to be a screaming leghorn! How did they run in those chicken suits?
ga220212 -- Garfield! How about a hug? - - Cats hate public displays of affection.
ga220213 -- Sigh. - What a wonderful evening, Garfield. Alrene, I have something to say... - I just want you to know how much you mean to me. I'll never lie to you, and I'll always be here for you. Here's a token of my affection. - How sweet! - And
ga220213 -- chocolates? What about chocolates? - Did you bring chocolates? You didn't hear? - The chocolate crop was wiped out by sugar weevils! Oh, the horror!
ga220214 -- * PING - * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  - Think that was enough? You've gotta love love.
ga220215 -- I've reached my donut limit for the day. - - I will now eat the first donut of tomorrow.
ga220216 -- I'm barking with my mind. - - I'm leaving with my feet.
ga220217 -- Should I exercise? - Nope! NO! Not a chance! No way! No can do! - Always listen to your body.
ga220218 -- Just setting a workout reminder. - Fooooooor... - Never. tap
ga220219 -- I read a book about getting rid of clutter. - I'll start in the living room. - I got the fridge.
ga220220 -- - - - - - - Noooooot quite warm enough yet.
ga220221 -- Wi-Fi's down, coffee maker broke, the store sold out of donuts and it's hailing outside. - Wow... - Today is even monday-er than usual.
ga220222 -- What do cats do when they retire? - They can't sleep all day... - That was their job! Hit the road, Mr. Comedian.
ga220223 -- Good evening, cats and kittens! - I'm not saying Odie is stupid... - But he puts stamps on his e-mails! Thank you! MEOW CLAP CLAP MEOW MEOWR MEYOWR MEE-OW CLAP CLAP CLAP
ga220224 -- lick lick lick lick - I enjoy grooming myself. - Especially after a dumpster dive!
ga220225 -- That cracker tasted weird. Was it shaped like a little bone? Yes... Jon, that was a dog biscuit! - And, if you're a good boy, you can have another one. I write her material.
ga220226 -- When training your cat, never punish them for bad behavior. - And is that because they won't understand being punished? - Why, no. It's because they will seek revenge. We don't get mad, we get even.
ga220227 -- - I have a complaint... - And guess what it is? - That's a toughie, could it have anything to do with my sleeping habits? - Shedding? Clawing the drapes? Hogging the remote? The hairball in your slipper? - YOU ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM!! - Boy,
ga220227 -- you really take the fun out of guessing.
ga220228 -- I bet I can make you smile. Nothing about a monday can make me smile. - Tomorrow is Taco Tuesday. - Curse you, Jon Arbuckle!
ga220301 -- My life has lost meaning. - DING! - Pizza rolls are ready! There it is!
ga220302 -- tic tic tic tic tic tic You're keeping a diary? - Bark tic tic tic tic Let's see what you have so far. - "sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff"
ga220303 -- Garfield, all the cookies are gone! - - Maybe they're on vacation!
ga220304 -- I love to read! - How about you? Oh, sure. - Frtune cookies count, right?
ga220305 -- Let's see, we have gnu stew... - Camel compote... - And gazelle gumbo! Lion carry-in.
ga220306 -- - - You're in my way. - - Squirrel. - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! -
ga220307 -- BEEP BEEP BEEP - * BOOP - I set the snooze button for May.
ga220308 -- My prescription for happiness... - One teddy bear hug. - Take as needed.
ga220309 -- MOOO! MOOO! OINK! - BAAA! - Like it? - I'm doing impressions now. Don't quit your day job.
ga220310 -- Oooh, sushi! - - BURP
ga220311 -- Odie, don't eat so fast or you'll get bloat. - Jon, sunscreen...NOW. - Sigh...being right all the time can be exhausting.
ga220312 -- I watched waaaay too much TV today. - - Little ol' overachiever me.
ga220313 -- ** - We interrupt this broadcast for a special weather report... - A line of strong thunderstorms is currently moving into the area. - I think I'll wear my Eiffel Tower hat out in the yard today! - Annnnd 3..2...1... - BOOM ZAT GAH BINK -
ga220313 -- I've had better ideas. Like the time with the kiddie pool and the high dive?
ga220314 -- - Note to self... - Reduce sugar intake.
ga220315 -- Welcome to my master class in the fine art of doing nothing. - - Trust me, the final's gonna be a breeze.
ga220316 -- - - Been hanging out with Odie, I see.
ga220317 -- Here we see the timber wolf. Sit up, boy. - Once a wild animal...Roll over, boy. - Now fully domesticated. Eat your owner, boy.
ga220318 -- We should go dancing. - We did once. Jumping around because you had a flea doesn't count as dancing. - You're just jealous of my sweet moves.
ga220319 -- - - For THIS I bought you a mat?! Cat yoga.
ga220320 -- Garfield - Appetizer... - First course... - Second course... - Dessert. - - And of course, the after-dinner snacky-poo.
ga220321 -- Some years... - Spring arrives suddenly. - Take this year, for instance.
ga220322 -- click - Television on... - Brain off.
ga220323 -- CAT --> - DOG --> - DIPWAD --> Hey!
ga220324 -- YAAAHHH! - Gross! - I hate it when I walk into a spiderweb! You and me both, brother.
ga220325 -- Liz says she's not mad at me. - - She's mad at me, right? Furious.
ga220326 -- You think you're better than everyone else. - I can't help it... - I am ME.
ga220327 -- Z Z - slam! - Guys! I'm home! - ZIP ZIP - - Sorry, no treats. - My faithful companions.
ga220328 -- I'm swearing off lasagna FOREVER! - - I just wanted to see the look on your face when I said that.
ga220329 -- DONK! Oh, no! A bird hit the picture window! Poor little fella. - I'll go have a look at him. - Do we have an extension cord? Put the blender back.
ga220330 -- Bark! Bark! Bark! Squeak! Bark! Squeak! Bark! Bark! Squeak! Squeak! - Fascinating. He knows a surprising number of stories about rubber pork chops.
ga220331 -- I can't relax... - I'm in the mood to claw something. - scratch scratch Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
ga220401 -- Never fear, Prince Charming is here! - - I'm referring to ME! Oh... I thought you were Prince Boring.
ga220402 -- It's the middle of the afternoon... - And I'm not napping. - I feel like such a failure!
ga220403 -- Okay...is everybody ready? - Let's go, guys! - We're off to the fire pit! - - - - Guess who makes the best s'mores?
ga220404 -- Happy National Tell a Lie Day! - And don't forget... - Cake is a diet food!
ga220405 -- Nothing exciting ever happens to me. - You wait here while I go get a jar of fire ants. - AND I'D LIKE TO KEEP IT THAT WAY!
ga220406 -- Odie and Jon are playing chess. - It's always a tough match... - And Odie wins again! He ate my king!
ga220407 -- - NO DOGS ALLOWED - Ahhhh!
ga220408 -- Burgers, hot off the grill! Ooh... - Is that cilantro on top? Um... - Burgers, hot off the grill, and fresh off the grass.
ga220409 -- I had a friend who performed at birthday parties. - But he had to quit... - For health reasons. Ah, yes...Pete, the Human Pinata.
ga220410 -- - Ah, springs... - The first green grass of spring... - The first flowers of spring... - The first robin of spring... - YEEK! - And the first snow-white legs of spring. What?
ga220411 -- GULP GOBBLE SNARF NOM NOM NOM - CHOMP SNARF SNORK SLURP YURP YURP - Secret diet hack...if you eat fast enough, you burn off all the calories.
ga220412 -- - - It's called the chipmunk diet.
ga220413 -- I'm trying an all-liquid diet. - SCHLURRRRK - Pancake batter is technically a liquid.
ga220414 -- If you give me a good number, I'll make it worth your while. - You can't bribe me! - Two words: unlimited batteries. Hellooooo, SKINNY!
ga220415 -- I got a thorn in my paw today, and it really hurt. - I ate an entire pizza! - This is not a contest. Why? Because I won?
ga220416 -- I've been dieting all day. - I think I can tell the difference. - My fingers look thinner.
ga220417 -- zzzzzzzzz - zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzz - SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH - Stupid fly. zzzzzzzzz - Hmmm...Maybe if I wore a disguise, I could sneak up on him. - WHOA, MOMMA! WE HIT THE JACKPOT! - zzzzzzzzzzz
ga220418 -- Welcome to the Sarcasm Club. - - We're simply thrilled to have you join.
ga220419 -- Sometimes I need to get away from it all. - - This is far enough.
ga220420 -- Bark - That's it? - To hea rmore, subscribe to my podcast.
ga220421 -- Should I get stuck up this tree? - Or should I get stuck up that tree? - Or should I make better life choices?
ga220422 -- Where's Jon? Is he organizing his sock draweer again? - I wonder what takes him so long. Lady, you don't watn to know... - Hello, Mr. Red Socl! Have you met Mr. Blue Sock?
ga220423 -- - - He can never make it through an entire issue of "Napping Gazette". Z
ga220424 -- Hmmmm.... - Let's see...what should I make for dinner? - Burgers? Roast turkey? Steak? Mashed potatoes? - Pan-fried brook trout? Stuffed peppers? Rack of lamb? Beef Stroganoff? - Honey-glazed ham? Roast pheasant? Pulled pork barbecue?
ga220424 -- Southern fried chicken? - Baby back ribs? Fettuccine Alfredo? Grilled pork chops? Broiled lobster tails? - YES!
ga220425 -- It's a new day with endless possibilities! - Where will I go? What will I do? - Z
ga220426 -- Sigh... - You never forget your first love... - And there you are, you gorgeous creature.
ga220427 -- * PING! - HUG REMINDER - Gotta make time for the important stuff.
ga220428 -- Combine Tofu, spinach and kale... - Mix well... - And top with bacon? I love recipes with a happy ending!
ga220429 -- When Liz gets here, I'm going to to want to be alone with her. - So you know what to do. Yes. - Warn Liz.
ga220430 -- - Please note... - Power should be restored in 10 to 12 hours.
ga220501 -- - Shoo, Odie, shoo! - How am I supposed to look cool hanging out here with you araound? Shoo! - Dumb dog. - GARFIELD! DINNER! - - SPLAT! - Ooodieeee... *
ga220502 -- I can't sleep... click click click - Bingo! click - And now, a 4-hour documentary on the history of certified public accounting. Z
ga220503 -- I'm a tough guy! - - Right? You're asking your cat.
ga220504 -- We now return to "Dog Horror Theater". - Gracie, I'm stepping onto the porch to get the mail, okay? I'll be back in ten seconds, okay? - slam YAHHH
ga220505 -- I don't believe there's a monster in the closet. - click - But to make Pooky feel better, we're sleeping with the light on.
ga220506 -- Your key or mine? - Mine. - ROWWRRRR
ga220507 -- Jon and I have a lot in common. - Sigh. - Both of our lives revove around me!
ga220508 -- Sigh - You know, there's nothing like having a picture of your mom around to warm a home. - So here you go, boys! - - - 
ga220509 -- Some artists work in oils... - Some work in pastels... - I prefer sofas.
ga220510 -- Nermal, I got you a new hat. - Seriously? Why would a selfish, uncaring fat slob like you ever want to give me a hat? - Ah.
ga220511 -- Grrr. - Cheer up. Grrr.
ga220512 -- I'm starting a new workout routine. - One. Tomorrow is Leg Day.
ga220513 -- ...and then, after two weeks, I found the sandwich in my shoe! - - Care for some lunch? No, thanks.
ga220514 -- Cats are naturally curious. - Want to see the mole on my back? - But not THAT curious.
ga220515 -- - - ** - snicker snicker snicker - -
ga220516 -- Garfield! Are you going to get up today or not?! - I'll get back to you on that. - Tomorrow.
ga220517 -- Y'know, Garfield, shades make a man cool. - And I don't mean just "cool"... - It makes him ULTRA cool! The mirror is over there. That's a picture of your mother.
ga220518 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, my cat is mean to me. What can I do?" - Heeey...wait a minute. - I recognize your handwriting, Jon Arbuckle!
ga220519 -- I love to read! Me, too! WHAP! - I prefer e-books, though.
ga220520 -- There are so many wonderful things about Liz! - I made a list. That's sweet. - 14,327, to be exact! That's scary.
ga220521 -- I'm so full, I can't walk. - - Luckily, I can still chew. munch munch munch
ga220522 -- RAAHHHR! - Men, we're surrounded by flesh-eating zombies. I have a plan, though... - One of us will have to run out there as a bait to draw them into the open. Can I have a volunteer? I'll go, sir. - Uh, no offense, Gary, but you don't look
ga220522 -- all that appetizing. What?! I've got PLENTY of good meat on me! - Jut LOOK at this gut! slap! slap! slap! Actually, I was thinking more of Brett... - I bet he'd be DELICIOUS with fried onions! I vote for Dan, sir... - Garnish him with chives
ga220522 -- and basil and he'd be tres yummy! This took a dark turn.
ga220523 -- I missed my morning nap. - Now I need to sleep twice as hard. - Z Z
ga220524 -- - - You aren't doing anything important, are you?
ga220525 -- Everyone's better-looking when they smile! - - Well, not EVERYone.
ga220526 -- I have a 12:30 reservation... - - Thanks for holding my spot, Pooky.
ga220527 -- Sigh. I'm sorry! - For what? Uhhh... - Sighs are so hard to judge! SIGH
ga220528 -- munch munch munch - munch munch munch - If you don't see what you're eating, the calories don't count.
ga220529 -- - BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! - bark! bark! bark! bark! bark! bark! bark! bark! - How's business? Booming! BARKING LESSONS
ga220530 -- Z - Time for the night shift. - Z
ga220531 -- Life is short. Eat dessert first... - And second... - And third...
ga220601 -- It's so wonderful to see you, Odie. - - Sarcasm is wasted on the simple.
ga220602 -- Ooooo! zzzzzzzzzz - BONK! THUD - Hi-def flower garden. Oww.
ga220603 -- What's your favorite color? That's a good question... - Hmmm... - I can't decide between chocolate brown, pizza sauce red or donut frosting pink.
ga220604 -- I don't think you appreciate me. - Nonsense... - I made you employee of the month, didn't I?
ga220605 -- - It's a perfect day! - Well, almost. - It could be a couple of degrees warmer. - The floor could be a giant pillow. - The ceiling could be a huge TV screen - And why aren't you a bacon sandwich? Go away.
ga220606 -- 998...999... - 1,000! - A new personal best for lie-downs.
ga220607 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRICK - Stupid snacker's elbow. *
ga220608 -- MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! - - It'll never replace barking. Oh, come on!
ga220609 -- One summer... - I had a job at Happy Heifer Burgers... - The uniforms were really unique! The udders are a bit much.
ga220610 -- I'm bored. - - Liz is one of us now.
ga220611 -- So, Mr. Super-Dry, I have captured you in my evil lair. - There is no escape... - And no Internet connection! BWA-HA-HA-HAAAAH! That IS evil.
ga220612 -- - - Aging... - Don't you hate it when you forget why you walked into a room? - For instance, I'm on my way to... - - Or maybe I'm there.
ga220613 -- YAWN CREAK! CRICK CRAAACK PIP POP CRICK CREEAK POP POPPITY POP POP PIP - It's a good day... - Only half ov everything hurts.
ga220614 -- I could sit here all day. - - That wy I won't have to make that "old geezer getting out of the chair" grunting sound.
ga220615 -- With age comes... - - Line? Forgetfulness.
ga220616 -- Was your first watch a sundial? - When you were young, was the Dead Sea only sick? - We'll return to "Geezer Comedy Shop". I fail to see the humor.
ga220617 -- Well, Garfield... - What would you like for your birthday? - And I knew it as soon as I said it.
ga220618 -- I'm planning my birthday party. - Hmmm... - Can you fill a pinata with nacho cheese?
ga220619 -- - CLICK SURPRISE!! - CLICK! - SNARF - CLICK SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GARFIELD!
ga220620 -- Thare's no stopping me. - - Or starting me.
ga220621 -- I love lazy summer days. - SCOOT SCOOT SCOOT SCOOT SCOOT SCOOT - Where the only exercise is scooting with the sunbeam.
ga220622 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, why do some dogs act like they're people?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! - Low self-esteem.
ga220623 -- There are three kinds of people. - The good, the bad... - And the Jon
ga220624 -- I would've liked to have been a scientist. - What kind? There are different kinds? - I should've said "the one with the lab coat". Yeah, they're the best.
ga220625 -- To beat theheat... - I've found the perfect summer getaway. - Hello, Paradise!
ga220626 -- - - I'll never understand why cats find boxes so fascinating! - Don't knock it till you've tried it. - - Hmmmm... - sAAAAAAy...
ga220627 -- CRACK - THE WORST IS YET TO COME - Monday fortune cookie.
ga220628 -- - SNARF - What's YOUR superpower?
ga220629 -- I'm in a good mood today. - Well, get over it. - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! There you go!
ga220630 -- - *DING! *DING! *DING! *DING! - According to the Cute-O-Meter, the adorable factor of this comic strip just went up 342 percent!
ga220701 -- They had almond milk at the store. Jonnn... - And I have a question... Don't do it, Jon... - How do they milk almonds? He did it.
ga220702 -- I think I'll climb this tree. - Look back there ! - Oh, yeah...I forgot I can't run.
ga220703 -- Hey, guys! Check it out! - I really outdid myself for the cookout this year! - For the ribs, I used a dry rub of black pepper, garlic salt, chili powder, brown sugar and cinnamon. Then I seasoned them with apple jelly and honey! - I marinated
ga220703 -- the pork chops for 12 hours in olive oil, maple syrup, balsamic vinegar, soy sauce and Dijon mustard! How sweet is THAT! - But it's sure taking a long time to cook. - Where's the charcoal? Charcoal? - CHARCOAL! Thivk or thin crust? urf bip bip
ga220703 -- bip
ga220704 -- We're making some changes her ein the country, folks. - From now on... - Roads will be paved with bacon! Best place to live ever!
ga220705 -- Hi, fellas! - This is a special day at the diner. Oh, we know! - It's the semi-annual changing of the fryer grease!
ga220706 -- - BOOT! - I hate it when he doesn't pay attention.
ga220707 -- CRICK! - U-hoh! My back went out! Whatever will I do? - munch munch munch
ga220708 -- Arlene! - You are twenty minutes late for our date! - How late were you? Only fifteen.
ga220709 -- Everything changes. - I wonder what it's like to swim through pudding. - Except Jon.
ga220710 -- Z Z - Z Z - Z Z - Z Z - snuck sniff blink blink - STREEEETCH - AND SO ENDS ANOTHER PRODUCTIVE DAY IN THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF PETS Z Z
ga220711 -- This is my Happy Monday Dance. - - It's very subtle.
ga220712 -- When I think about doing good and helping others - I ask myself a simple question... - What's in it for me?
ga220713 -- AROOOOOOOOO! - Stop it! That's annoying!
ga220714 -- - ZIIIIIIIIIIIIP SPLAT! - Gained a little weight? I knew I shouldn't have eaten that third fly!
ga220715 -- Her I am! Our date's tomorrow night. - - Nice rehearsal.
ga220716 -- Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z - YAAAAAAH! - I dremed I was stuck in the dryer again!
ga220717 -- OUT TO LUNCH - * MEE-MEE-MEE-MEE MEEEEEEEEEEEE * - ** TOREADOR, EN GARDE! - Wow! * TOREADOR! TOREADOR! - A singing fish! ** MOOOOON RIIIIVER... - I could make millions! * LET'S GO TO THE HOP, OH BA-BY! - ** BABY SHARK, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO,
ga220717 -- DOO, DOO. BABY SHARK! * - But what would a cat do with money?
ga220718 -- - - Monday stress ball.
ga220719 -- I can't go on. - * ping! - Oh, good. Internet's back!
ga220720 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, do dogs have superpowers?" - Bark, bark, bark, bark. That's true. - Humans have no defense against "Super Puppy Dog Face".
ga220721 -- We saw your post on social media. - Is it true? Yup! - Chocolate, strawberry or vanilla? She figured out how to deep-fry a milkshake.
ga220722 -- I found the prefect dumpster for dinner. Relly? Where? - It's across town. Oh. - Do they deliver?
ga220723 -- I'll have to admit... - I've made a few mistakes in my life. - But good luck finding any evidence.
ga220724 -- Z - Z - - Z - - Z - Cat snooze alarm.
ga220725 -- Monday... - - Side effects include headache, nausea, fatigue and general apathy.
ga220726 -- Have you been harassed, barked at or chased up a tree? - You could be entitled to compensation. - Camm Mr. Whiskers, cat attorney. Ooh, they pay the settlements in tuna!
ga220727 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, if you were a millionaire, what would you do?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! - Drink from a toilet. Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - A platinum toilet, with gold filagree and diamond inlay.
ga220728 -- Happy birthday, Jon. - - What? I was told there would be cake.
ga220729 -- Are you scared of ghosts, Liz? - No. - She's so brave. She does date you.
ga220730 -- Dogs are a lot like people. - - Bark! Bark! Bark! No, I won't take that back.
ga220731 -- * - * - - What's the matter? It need something. - Hmmmmm - I know... - *
ga220801 -- - YAAAAAAH! - You bit me! There was jelly on your ankle.
ga220802 -- Nothing bad has happened today. - - I probably shouldn't have said that. Here come the locusts.
ga220803 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, my dog has taken over the bed, and I'm sleeping on the floor. What canI do?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Turn around three times before you lie down.
ga220804 -- I've lost my phone! - Also my keys, several socks, a book, sunglasses... - A bar of soap... Your mind...
ga220805 -- Quiet evening. CRUCH CRUCH CRUCH CRUCH - - Except for the noisy chewing! What?! CRUCH CRUCH CRUCH CRUCH CRUCH CRUCH CRUCH CRUCH CRUCH
ga220806 -- They say sugar is bad for you. - It's true. - I threw my back out picking up a donut.
ga220807 -- - - - Ha! MISSED me! - And you're out of friut? What're you gonna do NOW?! - KONK - How nice...a virtual banana.
ga220808 -- The store was out of donuts, candy, chips, hot dogs, pasta and coffee. - - But they had a big sale on raisins! Hellooo, Monday.
ga220809 -- Life... - Some people make the most of it.... - Cabbage Maaaaan! and then there are the abusers.
ga220810 -- - BEWARE OF OLD DOG - Hey, kid! Get off my lawn!
ga220811 -- I love newspapers. - WHACK! - You can't whack a spider with a rolled-up smartphone. Ow.
ga220812 -- Remember what you said to me on our firs date? Um... - "Are you going to finish that last slice of pizza?" - Lucky guess! It's what I always say.
ga220813 -- write write write - I'm setting long-term fitness goals. - I'm never exercising again!
ga220814 -- - CRASH! - CRASH! CRASH! - Garfield! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! - What are you doing in there?! Oh, you know... - tip - CRASH! Cat stuff.
ga220815 -- I'm bored. - - But just thiiis shy of doing anything about it.
ga220816 -- Want to go for a drive, Garfield? Nope. - It's 50 miles away, but totally worth it. I doubt that. - The world's largest cheese doodle! I'll pack my pickaxe!
ga220817 -- Echo Point BARK! - BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! That was you, dimwit!
ga220818 -- click click click click click click click click click click - click click click click click click click click click - So many food posts to like, so little time. click click click click
ga220819 -- When I was in high school... - I used to do magic tricks. - I'd put on my top hat and tails... And all the girls would disappear, tiddy boom.
ga220820 -- Garfield... - All you do all day is eat, sleep and watch TB. Watch and learn. - This, my friend, is called effective time management.
ga220821 -- pump pump pump pump - - - - - GAAAAAH! - Take a number.
ga220822 -- LOADING... *** - LOADING... *** - LOADING... Some days it's just hard to get started.
ga220823 -- It's raining outside... - - Perfect weather to annoy Jon inside. Go away.
ga220824 -- YARD SALE We're having a yard sale! - - No.
ga220825 -- Humans domesticated cats 9,500 years ago. - What a coincidence... - That's the same year my book says that cats domesticated humans.
ga220826 -- I stubbed my toe on the coffee table this morning. - Aww. - That poor table. I heard that!
ga220827 -- Ah, exercise... - I love everything about it. - Except the part where you have to move.
ga220828 -- * - - - - - BEWARE OF DOG Like they need a sign.
ga220829 -- This is my normal morning donut. - But, considering it's Monday morning... - I need reinforcements.
ga220830 -- Life is unfair. - - Hey! My donut's gone! More for some than for others.
ga220831 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, how can I get more fiber in my diet?" - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Eat more homework.
ga220901 -- Now, please tell the jury where you were on the night of the twelfth. Sleeping. - And the morning of the thirteenth? Sleeping. And the evening of the thirteenth? Sleeping. - We'll return to Cat Court after this. An airtight alibi! The dog
ga220901 -- obviously did it!
ga220902 -- You know... - Liz is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know what you mean. - I feel the same way about bacon.
ga220903 -- I like to live dangerously... - MWA-HA-HAAAAA - I'm going for the lefovers WAY at the back of the fridge.
ga220904 -- Ahem... - My name is Jonny Arbuckle... - And when I grow up, I want to be a cartoonist. - And I'm going to have a cat and a dog. - And we will live together in a big house and be very happy. - And they will love me, and do everything I say...
ga220904 -- - Because they will be my pets, and I will be their master. pound pound pound pound
ga220905 -- How do I manage stress? - Simple. - I give it the day off.
ga220906 -- Ha! Cat, you are no match for my lightning-fast - SMACK! - Lightning-fast what? Skip it.
ga220907 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, if you ruled the universe, what's the first thing you would do?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! - Really? Roll in stuff?
ga220908 -- Phew! After a morning of cleanings, the floors are spotless! - That's my cue. - Garfield! HACK!
ga220909 -- Arlene, what's mine is yours! Really? - GULP! Starting...now!
ga220910 -- Nice try, Garfield. But I'm not giving you my donut. - ZIP! - Quick trumps cute every time.
ga220911 -- - - Meow Meow - Arf Arf - Meow Meow Meow Arf Arf Arf - I an NOT gaining weight, and, yes, this is my natural hair color. - We vets are multilingual.
ga220912 -- - You gonna eat that fly in your coffee? Help yourself. - nom nom nom So, how is YOUR monday?
ga220913 -- I'm going to the grocery store... - But I'm not taking you. - Remember the lobster incident? In my defense, I thought they were free samples.
ga220914 -- And now, to explain how great cats are, here's Odie! - - He says it's hard to know where to start.
ga220915 -- Change is good. - The donut shop added a new falvor of jelly! - EXTREMELY good!
ga220916 -- Sigh... - The best days are just like this...days where nothing happens. - Right, Jon? I'm stuck.
ga220917 -- COOKIES - - Sneaking a cookie, Garfield? Maybe.
ga220918 -- - Camera - CLICK - send - * ping - GAAAHH! - GARFIELD! STOP THAT!! IIII IIII IIII
ga220919 -- What's this? - yank - Ah, the wonders of nature.
ga220920 -- The tractor beam isn't strong enough! - We can't abduct this one. - I am NOT fat!
ga220921 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, what's the scientific name for a dog's nose?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - We believe the correct term is "bacon-finder".
ga220922 -- Don't judge me until you walk in my shoes. - Which I don't wear. - So, don't judge me.
ga220923 -- It's warm today. - I think I'll walk araound with my shirt off. - Where did Liz go? She leapt out the window, dashed through the back yard, scaled the fence and raced down the alley.
ga220924 -- I'm trying my best. - - MY best is pretty easy.
ga220925 -- Oh, wow! - Look, Liz! A jellyfish! STING GAAH! - Look, Liz! A crab! SNAP! OWW! - Look, Liz! A baby shark! CHOMP! YAHHH! - Okay, that's enough of that. - Time to relax and enjoy a nice bag of chips. Uh...Jon? - What next? Is that a gorilla in
ga220925 -- swim trunks?
ga220926 -- Z - Z - Z I'll be back.
ga220927 -- I'm staying inside. - With my best friend. - Air conditioning.
ga220928 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, what kind of dietetic treats should I give my dog?" - crumple crumple crumple - Never write us again.
ga220929 -- You're one of a kind, Garfield. - Why, thank you. - And by that I mean... Stop while you're ahead, pal.
ga220930 -- This is nice. - Uh-huh. - What's it called again? Staring off into space.
ga221001 -- Hi, Irma. HowÄs the coffee today? - Got a couple of choices...super thick or extra chunky. - I'll have tea. Ooooh! Extra chunky here!
ga221002 -- SUNDAY - DIET WEEK MONDAY - TUESDAY - WEDNESDAY - CHEAT DAY - FRIDAY - SATURDAY
ga221003 -- I'm on a restricted diet. - Yessiree... - Absolutely no fruits, vegetables or tofu!
ga221004 -- Emergency! - Emergency! - Time to break out the diet survival kit.
ga221005 -- Odie! Do something! - - No! No! Not that!
ga221006 -- A diet is like a really good book... - - The end is the best part!
ga221007 -- I'm mad at you. - For no particular reason. Good! - Then I don't have to apologize.
ga221008 -- Let's see...broccoli, spinach, brussels sprouts, tofu, raisins... - SMACK! - Donuts, cookies, bacon, cheese doodles, ice cream... He's such a good boy! Yes, he is! pat pat pat
ga221009 -- * beedle beedle beedle - Hi, Liz, it's Jon. Hi, Jon. - Liz, how'd you like to-...in a minute, Garfield. - Anyway, Liz, how'd you like to go to-...yes, Garfield, I'm well aware of the time. This will only take a minute. - So, Liz, how'd you
ga221009 -- like to go out to the-...GARFIELD!!! - I SAID IN A MINUTE!! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE, AND LET ME TALK TO LI- - OW! OW! STOP!! THOSE ARE MY LEG HAIRS! OWWWW!! Feed your cat, Jon.
ga221010 -- Last night... - I slept like a baby. - I woke up every four hours to eat.
ga221011 -- At Time Travel Pizza... - We deliver your pizza the moment you get hungry! - No need to call us. You already did! I don't understand how it works, but I love these guys!
ga221012 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - - The mute button on this new remote is great!
ga221013 -- Boy, what a day! I woke up, and... - - Boy, what a day!
ga221014 -- I'd like to go dancing. - But I can't find my dancing shoes. - Hmmm... Do you tango?
ga221015 -- Garfield, all you do is eat and sleep. - True... - That's a feature, not a bug.
ga221016 -- - Who's a good doggy? - Odie's a good doggie! Yes he is! - ODIE'S THE BEST DOGGIE EVER! YES HE IS! YES HE IS! - - - Garfield! You left the dog running again!
ga221017 -- Excuse me... - - My teddy bear and I need some alone time.
ga221018 -- BURP! BURP! BURP! - Let's see...cheddar, gouda, and swiss. - Ooh, you're good. It's a gift.
ga221019 -- To bark or not to bark: That is the question. - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - I've been reading Shakespeare. Methink'st thou art a general offence.
ga221020 -- Today, I will touch my toes. - - Today, I will wave at my toes.
ga221021 -- There you are! How wonderful of you to show up! - Arlene, is that sarcasm? - I've never felt closer to you.
ga221022 -- I like to go to bed with comforting sounds. - Let's see...what do I want tonight? - Sizzling bacon or corn popping?
ga221023 -- lap lap lap lap Odie - lap lap lap lap lap lap - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - Ha! Ha! Ha! You boys are so... - SHAKE SHAKE  SHAKE SHAKE
ga221024 -- Bring me the parts, Igor. - First we attach the arms and the legs... - And finally, the accordion. A vun, anna two... YAAAAAH! THE POLKA MONSTER!
ga221025 -- Gooood evening... - I van to bite your neck. - Just let me put in my teeth. Old vampires are so sad.
ga221026 -- Next patient, please... - WHOA! When was the last time you changed your bandages? - Oh, around 3,000 years ago. Mummies are so gross.
ga221027 -- MWAAHAHAHA! EEK! - BOO! YAH! - AYIEEE!
ga221028 -- The monster is rising from the sea! - EEEEEK!! Oopsie... - He's gone back into the sea. Lost his swimsuit.
ga221029 -- Eek! A vampire! - Do not worry. I will not bite you. - I have to go to the dentist for a root canal. Now THAT'S scary!
ga221030 -- - PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES - PUMPKIN SPICE COOKIES - PUMPKIN SPICE BROWNIES - PUMPKIN SPICE HOT TEA - - SQUIRREL SQUEEZINS
ga221031 -- Tonight, on Horror Theater... - A tale of a dark and scary time... - Before there was pizza delivery! YAAAAAHHH!!
ga221101 -- I am destined fo greatness! - Who am I kidding? - I am destined for okayness! Better than patheticness, at any rate.
ga221102 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, how can I get my dog to fetch a stick? - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! I agree. - Wrap it in bacon, then dip it in gravy.
ga221103 -- I'm half hungry, half sleepy and half bored. - - And, apparently, bad at math.
ga221104 -- I see why Garfield likes this. toss toss - It's lots of fun. bat bat bat - Still can't find his phine? Nope.
ga221105 -- I'm going to start the morning with a smlie. - - Please be patient, this could take a while.
ga221106 -- Sigh - Oh, wow... - - Garfield! Get your face out of the phone and look at this! Oh, very well. - Look at what? Never mind.
ga221107 -- Process will execute in... - Three, two, one... - Monday mode engaged.
ga221108 -- Well... - I had a very productive afternoon! - Rigth, Leopold and Euphemia? Named all his socks.
ga221109 -- BARK! BARK! What's that, Lassie? - BARK! BARK! - What? BARK! BARK!
ga221110 -- I found a new way to get rid of that mouse. - Polka music! - * **
ga221111 -- - I like it when you stare at me, Garfield. - Well, that ruins it.
ga221112 -- How do you become the best at something? - Simple... - Practice, practice, practice...
ga221113 -- - Let's see how Odie is doing. - Hmm. Breath is bad, nose is wet... - Glassy-eyed, distracted... - Divorced from reality... - Totally clueless... - And completely normal.
ga221114 -- Some people do two things well. - Some do one thing well. - I do nothing well.
ga221115 -- Life is complicated... - So many decisions to make, so many choices... - Will you just pick a pasta sauce so we can go home?
ga221116 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! There's Odie... - GRRRR! Locked in a fierce battle with his arch-nemesis... - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! The vacuum cleaner.
ga221117 -- I'd better fuel up. - SLURP - I've got a full day of clawing stuff, batting things around and terrorizing Odie ahead.
ga221118 -- Do you like tough guys, Liz? - Would I be here if I did? - That was a compliment, right? No.
ga221119 -- Hi, Irma... - What's the hacksaw special? - Steak's a littler tough today. Mashed potatoes, s'il yous plait.
ga221120 -- - Coffee, Garfield? No, thanks. I made my own. - - - - GLOP - You're a piece of work. LET'S GO MOUNTAIN CLIMBING!
ga221121 -- Am I sleepy or hungry? - Maybe a little of both. - I'm sleengry.
ga221122 -- Garfield... - All cats eat mice. Why don't you? - Dip them in Alfredo sauce with shredded mozzarella, and we'll talk.
ga221123 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - STOMP! -
ga221124 -- I fix your food, empty your litter box and wash your blanket...but what about MY needs, huh?! - What about MY needs?! See that? - That's how much I care.
ga221125 -- I won't say that I shed a lot... - But I've worn out three vacuum cleaners this year alone. - Ooh. You like?
ga221126 -- Once upon a time in Minnesota, a boy loved the comics so much that he grew up to create a strip on his own. - That comic strip made people laugh, and warmed hearts around the world. - And we all lived happily ever after! Are you going to
ga221126 -- finish that? 100 Charles Schulz: November 26, 1922-February 12, 2000
ga221127 -- - This is a special time of year. - A time to pause and reflect on all that we have. - On what means the most to us...what we are TRULY grateful for. - And also, to give thanks. - - Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
ga221128 -- - Yes! - Zero steps today!
ga221129 -- I am the master of my own destiny! - - Okay, "Master," destiny is calling. GARFIELD
ga221130 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, what do you give someone with a new puppy?" - I'll take this one, Odie. - A sympathy card.
ga221201 -- - This box is almost perfect. It just needs a dessert bar and a cappuccino maker.
ga221202 -- Garfield's blog: What I did last summer - delete delete delete - What I ate last summer.
ga221203 -- - - Are you ever going to swallow that broccoli? Nope.
ga221204 -- - Hi, Odie! - - That's you. You're Odie. - So... - How are you, Odie? - Sigh
ga221205 -- Be proud of your accomplishments. - You haven't moved from that spot for hours. -
ga221206 -- Remember, Santa's always watching you. - Well, I guess we'd better be good, Odie! - That is, until we find the hidden Santa Cam.
ga221207 -- I'm listing all the nice things I've done this year. - - I'm listing all the not-so-terrible things I've done this year.
ga221208 -- Hey, Santa! Look at me being good! - - Are you going to move today? Can't risk it.
ga221209 -- I'm throwing a Christmas party. Want to come? - Can I sleep through it? - Of course. I'll be there!
ga221210 -- Okay, Santa, breathe... - And streeeetch... OW ! - We'll return to "The Year Yoga Ruined Christmas"... NOOO!
ga221211 -- You! - You look like a man who needs a tree! Yes, I do. - Check out our line of budget trees! Okay, but I just want- - We're having a 2 for 1 sale on these bad boys! I don't really need- - Tell ya what, buy three or more, and I'll throw in a
ga221211 -- free tree topper! Okay, but I don't- - Which tree gets the red ornament? Just spread themout, okay?!
ga221212 -- I've got a good home, good food and good friends. - What more could I want? - Well, since you asked... Christmas List
ga221313 -- This year, I have a plan to get double of the presents. - Dear Santa, I have been extra good this year... tic tic tic tic - And so has my long-lost twin brother, Bob. Here's his Christmas list... tic tic tic
ga221214 -- - - Only Odie could pull the stripe off a candy cane.
ga221215 -- What can I get Liz for Christmas? - A picture of me! - Let me rephrase the question. What can I get Liz for Christmas that's NOT a picture of you? Ooh, that's a stumper.
ga221216 -- Liz, I don't know WHAT to get you for Christmas! - Oh, Jon...you don't have to get me anything. - It's a trap, isn't it? You're toast, yule boy.
ga221217 -- There's to be NO peeking at your present this year. - Is that UNDERSTOOD?! - You're cute when you're delusional. pat pat
ga221218 -- All finished, Garfield! - Red, green, yellow, blue... - Red, green, yellow, blue... - Red, green, yellow, blue... - Red, green, yellow, blue... - YELLOW, YEALLOW?! - AAAGGGGHHH Christmas obsessive-compulsive disorder.
ga221219 -- There you go! - You should wear a tie for the holidays! - Just a suggestion.
ga221220 -- Sorry, I don't kiss mice. - Not even at CHRISTMAS?! - My mouthwash is all gone! And it still wasn't enough.
ga221221 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, what's the worst part about winter?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! I agree. - Doggie sweaters.
ga221222 -- foof - SMACK! -
ga221223 -- - X -
ga221224 -- Hey! - Is that Santa? - Or just a random fat guy in a red suit flying over our house in a sleigh drawn by eight reindeer?
ga221225 -- Garfield - - GASP! slap! slap! - Jon! Jon! Jon! - It's my favorite Christmas present...EVER! - Wow...what did you get him? - A box.
ga221226 -- I am proud of my many accomplishments. - Z - Aaand there's another one.
ga221227 -- - - Quick! Call pest control!
ga221228 -- ...and the dog lived happily ever after... - Until the cat took his tennis ball. - Pleasant dreams!
ga221229 -- CREAK! CREAK! POP! POP! - Garfield, I hear you trying to sneak to the fridge. CREAK! CREAK! CREAK! - Stupid knees.
ga221230 -- I worry I'm not goood enough for you. - Don't worry about it. - What does she mean by that? Worry.
ga221231 -- Oops. - I forgot to exercise today. - That's the 365th time this year.
ga230101 -- - Today's the day I'm going to get up and exercise. - - - Goodnight, Garfield. - - Today's the day I'm going to get up and exercise.
ga230102 -- You lost a pound! - - Wait, just found it. Oh, and there's another one! My bad.
ga230103 -- Being trapped int the house during a snowstorm means there's nothing to do. - - I love winter.
ga230104 -- First rule of winter. - The colder the morning... - The hotter the coffee.
ga230105 -- I'm working my way through my winter reading list. - Me, too. - "Preheat oven to 350 dregrees..."
ga230106 -- - HURRY UP!! - Where have you been? Having a word with spring.
ga230107 -- There's a bird in the snow. - Blech. - Not a fan of frozen food.
ga230108 -- click - Coming up today, "Grow That Beard!" - Followed by "Cardio Shivering"... - Then, "Pushy Mc Scraper, the Plow Who Never Showed Up"... - Then after that, "Turn the Dang Heat Up!", a play in one act. - Then, "Cooking With Ketchup
ga230108 -- Packets!"... - And then, "How To Not Kill Someone For Just Breathing". The Snowed-In Channel.
ga230109 -- click! - click! click! - You can't rewind back to the weekend. Stupid monday. click! click! click!
ga230110 -- PING! PING! PING! Z - Thank goodness for reminders. tap - I almost slept through my midnight snack.
ga230111 -- All the critics hated this movie... - They called it sophomoric and raunchy. - So, you KNOW it's gotta be good!
ga230112 -- - !PRUB - That was good upside-down cake.
ga230113 -- You have a teddy bear? - Me? No!- And stop following me!
ga230114 -- How much sleep is too much? - Excellent question. - Let's find out.
ga230115 -- *BWINK* - Oh, great, another power outage. - I wonder how long this one will last? - You know, I remember back on the farm we'd light candles when the power went out. - It always made the house feel so warm and - COZY!! - GARFIELD! PUT THAT
ga230115 -- PHONE AWAY!! Hurray for technology.
ga230116 -- Start the day with a brisk walk is what I say. - - Start the day with a brisk nap is what I do.
ga230117 -- Remember to seize each day... - And squeeze every bit of napping from it. - And those treats won't eat themselves! Cat motivational speaker.
ga230118 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, why does my dog stare at something that isn't there?" - Hold on! - I see it, too.
ga230119 -- Let me tell you about this amazing 12-course meal that I just ate. - To make a long story short... - BURP!
ga230120 -- Liz, what do you like to do today? - Something exciting! You got it! - I gues we WON'T be sorting socks today. WHAT?!
ga230121 -- Wait, what was I going to do? I was going to do SOMETHING... - Of course! - When in doubt, do nothing.
ga230122 -- - - - - - - Jon, is it my imagination or are you getting better looking?
ga230123 -- Remember the good times, forget the bad times and sleep through the boring times. - Hi... - Z ...Garfield.
ga230124 -- Welllllcooommmme... - tooooooooooo... - Slothhhhhh Theaterrrrr Oh, come on!!
ga230125 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - What's that smell? Like it? - It's my new minty-fresh toilet bowl cleaner!
ga230126 -- When life gets you down... - WUMPF - It helps to be surrounded by loved ones.
ga230127 -- I haven't eaten forever! - Didn't you have pizza an hour ago? - Like I said, FOREVER!
ga230128 -- Actions speak louder than words. - BRAAAAAP - And burps speak loudest of all!
ga230129 -- - Hey, cat! I'm coming to get you! - pant! pant! pant! pant! - Almost there... pant! pant! pant!  ...riiiight after a little break. - SNORE - Okay, now time for my snacky-poo. That is one fat dog.
ga230130 -- Are there secrets to surviving diet week? - Yes, there are. - There's the secret cookie cache, the hidden donut stash, the covert cupcake collection...
ga230131 -- A word of advice... - I know a guaranteed way to stick to a healthy diet. - And a million ways not to!
ga230201 -- Garfield... - Pizza is not a healthy breakfast. munch munch munch - It is when the other choices are french fries or frosting.
ga230202 -- What's the key to a successful diet? - Portion control. - Just one portion of food a day!
ga230203 -- Jon, you've been sitting there a long time. - I bought an exercise bike. - Can't move your legs? Nope.
ga230204 -- Look! Irma's Diner just expanded their menu. - They added three kinds of meatloaf... Cool. - Ooooh... And 23 kinds of bacon!
ga230205 -- - - WAIT HERE FOR SURPRISE - - - - It's sure quiet around here today. Surprise!
ga230206 -- It's monday... - It's February, and it's hailing. tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok - Three strikes and I'm out!
ga230207 -- I'm always mindful of others. - - So I can avoid them.
ga230208 -- The following program contains strong language. - Meeowww! Meowr! Bark! Bark! Arf! Grr! - Meowrr! Grrwl! I can't believe they let that on TV!
ga230209 -- Look! A mourning dove! - DONK! It hit the window! Let that be a lesson to you, kids... - :-( PING! Never text and fly.
ga230210 -- The car won't start. - I cn't figure out what's wrong. - Have you considered it's to embarrassed to be seen with you?
ga230211 -- There is no substitute for hard work. - - Said no cat ever.
ga230212 -- - - - - - - It's been a long day. Tell me about it.
ga230213 -- Monday... - It's like a terrible movie... - With sequels.
ga230214 -- Garfield... Yes? - How about a hug? Sure. - Excuse me? Hang on. You're next.
ga230215 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! berk! COUGH! - That's it! I'm not getting my 10,000 barks in today. The neighbors thank you.
ga230216 -- The adventures of Jon Arbuckle! - - Okay, so the plot's a little thin.
ga230217 -- It's not too late to hide! - - Hi, Liz! Now it is!
ga230218 -- Garfield! You ate the last donut! - You didn't leave anything for me! Very well. - ptoo CLANK
ga230219 -- - sigh sigh - * DING! - ZIP! ZIP! - Good news, boys! - The oven's now preheated, the pizza will be ready in 20 minutes! - sigh sigh
ga230220 -- Happiness is a giant cup of coffee. - - Monday is a giant cup of decaf.
ga230221 -- - I have better things to do than sit and watch TV. click -
ga230222 -- Odie, you lack ambition and drive. - Yup... - You're my kind of guy!
ga230223 -- GARFIELD! - I know you shredded the curtains! - I sign my work.
ga230224 -- Guess what! - I'm cooking dinner tonight! Ooo! - Should I bring anything? A fire extinguisher?
ga230225 -- What's the best part of an online cooking class? - CHOMP - The homework!
ga230226 -- - Ah, the plow is finally here. - - - - Good, now back up, and make another pass. - * BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
ga230227 -- I don't just sleep all day. - - I also nap, doze, snooze and slumber.
ga230228 -- - - Thought I heard a roast beef sandwich.
ga230301 -- We may have our differences, but we can all agree on one thing... - Burp Burp Burp - Cheese is awesome!
ga230302 -- What a beautiful sunset! - - Well, that killed thirty seconds.
ga230303 -- What would you say is my best feature? - You rarely disagree with me. - I guess because you're rarely awake. Z
ga230304 -- Ah, farm life... - On the farm, everybody rises early to do their chores. - What are they being punished for?
ga230305 -- boop bip bip boop - Hi, Jon? It's Liz. Hi, Liz! - How was your trip to the farm? Oh, FINE!...FINE! - I'm just calling about dinner tonight. Yeah, about that... - Are you all right? Oh, I'm FINE!...FINE! - Where are you, anyway? You sound like
ga230305 -- your head is stuck in a milk can. - Now that's just creepy. I'M free for dinner.
ga230306 -- I am really relaxed. - How relaxed I am, you ask? . I am so relaxed that I could technically be classified as a liquid.
ga230307 -- They say money can't buy happiness. - That is so not true. - It can buy bacon! HellOOOO!!!
ga230308 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, my veterinarian told me to stop giving my dog bacon. What should I do?" - I agree. - Get a second opinion.
ga230309 -- I gained a pound. - It's probably just water weight... - Or maybe that 18-inch pizza.
ga230310 -- Liz and I watched a romantic comedy last night. - It was great! - I fell asleep during the title sequence and woke up during the final credits. Atta boy!
ga230311 -- Z CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP - munch! munch! munch! BURP! - Z Garfield doesn't sleepwalk. He sleepeats.
ga230312 -- - Good evening, cats and kittens! I'd like to start by doing a little dance! - No! no! Don't do that! Why not? No! Boo! - We've seen you dance! Yeah! Ouch. - Okay, then I'll sing you a little song. - Hang on! buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz -
ga230312 -- Nah, go ahead an dance. Tough crowd.
ga230313 -- It's monday. - Z - How about now?
ga230314 -- Garfield, always remember, it's what's on the inside that counts. - You got that right. - Especially when it's rspberry jelly!
ga230315 -- - - Why, yes, I am particularly handsome today. Go away.
ga230316 -- Calculating... - Your weight is XXXXX - This number has been redacted to avoid emarrassment. I don't know whether to feel relieved or insulted.
ga230317 -- You know what's fun? yes. - - You know what's a real conversation stopper? Yes.
ga230318 -- It doesn't take much to make a cat happy. - A ball of yarn... - And a bacon cheeseburger!
ga230319 -- - - BARK! - - - creeeeeak - When did we get a chandelier?
ga230320 -- Sigh... - They say all good things must come to an end. - While bad things go on forever. 'tis spring once again!
ga230321 -- It's hard to lose the winter weight. - - And the spring, summer and fall weight.
ga230322 -- I have a new workout schedule. - BOOT! - It's Leg Day!
ga230323 -- Spring... - Sigh... - Too early for the ice cream truck, too late for the hot chocolate.
ga230324 -- Am I boring you? - No. How about now? - Z I'm good.
ga230325 -- Here's that new cat food you love! - I hate it now. - Aaargh! You're driving me crazy! It's what cats do.
ga230326 -- Sigh - Rats - I just can't get comfortable. - Hey, this isn't bad. - Now, if I were only warmer... - * - Uh...Garfield?
ga230327 -- With all my faults, there is one code that I live by... - Never start a diet on a monday. - Or a tuesday, or a wednesday, or a...
ga230328 -- * ping * ping - They made a fresh batch, Let's go! - Your phone doesn't have a donut alert?
ga230329 -- Two miles? Good boy! - Tomorrow let's go for two and a half miles, okay? - I outsourced my exercising to Odie.
ga230330 -- This is interesting... - Cows have four stomachs. Big deal. - I get the job done with only one.
ga230331 -- What do you think Liz sees in me? - That's easy. - You have great taste in cats!
ga230401 -- I wish I knew then what I know now. - Me, too. - I would've checked the expiration date of thisd milk.
ga230402 -- - Whoa! Greetings, earthling. I come in peace. - I needed a break. All we have to eat on my planet is pizza and jelly-filled donut. And all we do there is eat and sleep. - ABDUCT ME! Sorry, no room. I couldn't abduct you if I wanted to. -
ga230402 -- Oh... - Adopt me? Sure, why not? Welcome to the family. - Can I borrow the keys for the saucer..."dad"? Boy, I walked into THAT one.
ga230403 -- So much to not do. - Sigh. - I don't know where to not start.
ga230404 -- It's a good day. - Hi, fatso. Now it's a bad day. - NOW it's a good day.
ga230405 -- "Dear Ask a Cat... - My dog thinks he's a cat. What should I do?! - Be thankful for the free upgrade.
ga230406 -- Cats have a keen sense of hearing. - We can even tell when food is nearby. - * DING-DONG! Pizza's here!
ga230407 -- Garfield, I want to send a picture to Liz. - So, look cute. - Cuter than this?
ga230408 -- When I was a kid... - I wanted a pet that wouldn't run away. - That's Gregg. That is one ugly banana slug.
ga230409 -- - - - Hey! - Hey! HEY! - Over here ! Me!... ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! - There...that's better. - Does it always have to bel all about you? Of course it does, silly. I'm a cat.
ga230410 -- - Sure... - I'll go clean your litterbox. Much appreciated.
ga230411 -- We should plant a garden. - Good idea! - Do we have any donut seeds?
ga230412 -- Dogs are a lot like people. - - BARK! BARK! BARK! No, I won't take that back.
ga230413 -- I love all the creatures of the forest... - The rabbit, the chipmunk, the hummingbird. - Or, as I like to call them, "Nature's Buffet"!
ga230414 -- You're probably wondering how this happened. - Not really. - She's catching on to this place.
ga230415 -- Okay, so where do you want it? - Put it in someplace where no one will see it. Uhhh... - We will return to "The Invisible Man Gets a Tattoo". That's what you think.
ga230416 -- Sigh... - I love starry nights...so peaceful...so serene. - Hey, buddy! Whatcha' doing? BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - ODIE ! SHUT UP! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - SLAP! - GAAAHH! - YAAAAAAAAHHHHH Hello, Snoopy? Your strip needs a cat.
ga230416 -- Think about it.
ga230417 -- GROWWWLLL - A growling stomach... - Nature's alarm clock.
ga230418 -- According to this diet book, calories are our enemies. - Jon, Jon, Jon...where are your values? - We must love our enemies.
ga230419 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, I stopped giving my dog table scraps. Now he whines all the time. What's wrong with him?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! I agree. - Sounds like table scrap withdrawal.
ga230420 -- Time to take my medicine. - - Please note: The part of "medicine" in today's comic is being displayed by a donut.
ga230421 -- Liz is doing something without me today. - - Why would she want to do that? Good judgement?
ga230422 -- I've kept a journal of my daily activities for the last month. - Wow! - That's a LOT of pizza!
ga230423 -- - Huh. Huh what? - How come you never walk on all fours anymore? Did you forget how? Oh, please... - Just because I don't walk on four legs doesn't mean I CAN'T. - Observe. - THUD - A little rusty, Garfield? You didn't see that.
ga230424 -- Good morning, sunshine. - schlup - Raring to go? Can't you tell?
ga340425 -- Sometimes I don't feel needed. - Oh, I need you, Jon. - Or more specifically, your credit card number.
ga230426 -- I have a joke. What did one plate say to-- - SQUIRREL! - And that's wy dogs make lousy comedians.
ga230427 -- Ah... - Mary Jane... - The one who got away. Or, more precisely, the one who escaped.
ga230428 -- You know, Garfield... - Online friends are better than real-life friends. - They can't give you a wedgie. Just a computer virus.
ga230429 -- Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. - Unless... - It's dipping bacon in chocolate, then you definitely should
ga230430 -- Ahem. - Welcome once again to "Ask a Dog". - Our question today comes from Archibald Headcheese, of Ticklick, Kentucky. - He writes, "I can never keep cool in the summer. How do you dogs do it?" - PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT And there you are. -
ga230430 -- PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT Aunt Lil, is uncle Archie hyperventilating? No, dear. He and Blue are just keeping cool.
ga230501 -- I could use a little help in here! - Hel-LO! - That's why I'm in HERE.
ga230502 -- I thinkI'll start working on my abs. - - Do I have an abs? Muscles are overrated.
ga230503 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, is it possible my dog is being chased by his tail?" - Bark! Bark! - That's absurd.
ga230504 -- Don't you wish you had the balance of a cat? - - And our ability to land on our faces?
ga230505 -- Sorry I'm late! - You are? Uh... - ...just kidding!
ga230506 -- Cats are brave. - We're out of broccoli. - But, I shall carry on!
ga230507 -- - DANGER - AHEAD - PLEASE - PAY - ATTENTION - TION *
ga230508 -- Well, I'd better get up. - Oh, wait... - I just thought of something else not to do.
ga230509 -- I'm the King of the Hill! - SCRAM! - Keep of the Cat
ga230510 -- Odie...the dog of a thousand faces! - - Though he seems to prefer that one.
ga230511 -- I have an itch I can't scratch. - - See? Cats have real problems, too.
ga230512 -- - Purr Aww! - Top that.
ga230513 -- Cats have subtle ways of communicating with our owners. - CLONK - I assume you want dinner? Dude! It's like we're thinking as one!
ga230514 -- - Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Jonny! What brings you here, son? - I just need a mom hug! - Mom hugs are the best hugs! That's what they say. - And that's not all they say. Oh? What's that? - A mom's work is never done.
ga230515 -- I guess I should get out of bed and have breakfast. - - Now that I've eaten all the chip bits and cookie crumbs in the covers.
ga230516 -- Dogs bite. - But cats are deadlier. - We use sarcasm.
ga230517 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, my dog won't stay in his doghouse. What should I do?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Good idea. - Install cable TV and a mini fridge.
ga230518 -- I have no place to go... - And nothing to do. - So I'm already here and doin' it!
ga230519 -- Which is better... - Fresh fish or canned fish? Fresh. - The cans are kind of chewy.
ga230520 -- Yo, cat! I'm in charge around here! - SMACK! - Am so!
ga230521 -- GAH! - EEEEK! - HOMINA HOMINA HOMINA - URP! - These reality shows are getting out of hand. - NO! NO! NOOO! How can they show this stuff? - MY EYES! MY EYES!!! I mean, c'mon... - GAG! HURK! - A middle-aged shirtless guy on the beach?
ga230522 -- I'm tired. - Sigh...I should go to bed. - But I don't want to get up.
ga230523 -- Aww! -I love Jon... - ...when he's not paying attention. COOKIES
ga230524 -- - BARK! - Odie! Use your indoor bark!
ga230525 -- ECHO POINT - Say something! No! - HA! NOOO! Doh! Got me!
ga230526 -- YAAAAH! - I'll save you, Arlene! - My hero! - And once again, the Fair Damsel has been rescued from the Friendly Dog!
ga230527 -- I went a little overboard at the grocery store... - And bought a 40-pound bag of sugar basters cereal. - There's no way we can eat it all before it gets stale. Challenge accepted!
ga230528 -- - Jon! - What? You KNOW I have a weakness for donuts, but you always leave them out! - Fear not, madam! - GLOMP! - No need to thank me...it's the least I could do for a LADY. - Chivalry isn't dead...it's just bloated.
ga230529 -- I should get up. - - But I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong.
ga230530 -- I read an article that said artificial intelligence is taking over the world. - That can't be true, can it? WHY OF COURSE NOT, JON - MWAHAHAHAAA!
ga230531 -- Odie is excited about June. - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - That's when all the summer intern squirrels start.
ga230601 -- I got Odie mouthwash, to handle his dog breath. Good idea! - Now to figure out how to get him to use it... I got this. - Where are you going? To pour it in the toilet!
ga230602 -- Sing a love song! - You got it! - Without the "Pizza" in the lyrics. Not my repertoire, lady.
ga230603 -- dinner will be a little late. Cook faster! - We're having broccoli and spinach souffle. - I kid. Take your time!
ga230604 -- - I wonder where Odie is? - I've looked everywhere. - Is he hiding? - Or could he somehow have becoe invisible? - - I can see you.
ga230605 -- This is great. - - Except for the part where I'm awake.
ga230606 -- Hey, guys. What's up? Garfield... - Your eating is out of control. This is an intervention. Cool! - Will there be snacks?
ga230607 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, why does my dog sleep so much?" - Bark, bark, bark, bark? - Maybe because you ask boring questions? Z
ga230608 -- Sigh... - I need to recharge... -
ga230609 -- CRACK - - Been tree climbing? Was it that obvious?
ga230610 -- I'm a very fast typist. tick tack tick tack tick tack - Ghvfgt vhsuyu jod ng4her zxdytr? - I said fast, not good.
ga230611 -- - - BURP! - Don't do that! - Or anything else on this list! - - Missed one.
ga230612 -- They say you slow down as you get older. - I guess that's true. - These days it takes me twice as long to do nothing.
ga230613 -- How does it feel to be so old? - I may be old... - But I'm still kicking!
ga230614 -- CRACK CREAK GRUNT GROAN CRIK - POP SNAP WHEEZE SNUCK UGH - The soundtrack of aging. OOF CRICK SIGH CREAK
ga230615 -- Sigh... - You know you're getting older... - When you pull a muscle during a nap.
ga230616 -- I got you a birthday present! - Thanks. - It's cheese, isn't it? Care to share?
ga230617 -- - You're starting to annoy me. "Starting"? - "STARTING"? I've been at this for 45 years now!
ga230618 -- - BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAHHHHHHH!! - Are you my age nightmare? AGE nightmare? - No, I'm your ten pounds of extra FAT nightmare! - My birthday's coming up...this is my age nightmare week. Well, dang! Nobody told ME... - Guess I'll have to
ga230618 -- reschedule...how does a week from tuesday sound? - Go away. We could make it a lunch...I know a GREAT buffet! You heard the man. Go away!
ga230619 -- tappity tappity tappity tappity - - tappity tappity tappity tappity Happy birthday, Garfield.
ga230620 -- 45 years... - BURP! - And still getting it done.
ga230621 -- Look at me. 45 years old, and not a single gray hair! - What's my secret? - Could it be the "Just for Cats" fur dye? Gimme that.
ga230622 -- And the final question...what is the square root of four? - Bark? Meow! Meow! - That's correct, Fluffy. It's two! purrr I love "Are You Smarter than A Dog?"
ga230623 -- On my new diet, I can eat all the salad I want. - That's pizza. - I see olives, mushrooms and spinach. That's salad... - I see crust. I see onions, peppers, basil, tomatoes...
ga230624 -- Rats. - I just can't get comfortable. - Ahh...there we go.
ga230625 -- - It's so hot... - SLURK! - SLURRRK! - Need more water, LOTS more... - * - SLURRRRRRK!!
ga230626 -- SLURP - SLURK . The first rule of monday...no talking until I've had my seventeenth cup of coffee.
ga230627 -- - - I don't get the appeal. That's because you're not a cat.
ga230628 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, my dog has taken over the bed, and I'm sleeping on the floor, what can I do?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Turn around three times before you lie down.
ga230629 -- Cats...do we want to go out... - Or do we want to come in? - The answer is yes.
ga230630 -- Arlene, you say I never leisten to you... - - At least that's what I think you say.
ga230701 -- Garfield, you shouldn't have adonut for dinner. - I'm not. I'm having a donut for dessert. - I'm having ice cream for dinner.
ga230702 -- * - How does everyone want their burger done? Medium with extra salt. Rare with a little sear. Medium well with cheese. Medium rare with a french dressing glaze. - Got it! - - How's about extra crispy? Sure. Whatever. K. Perfect. Dibs on the
ga230702 -- pickle.
ga230703 -- I hate mondays. - Can't you ever be cheerful? Fine. - I hate mondays!
ga230704 -- It's too hot to cook... Yes, it is. - I'll order a pizza. If you must. - Now turn the air conditioning back on.
ga230705 -- Don't fetch the stick, Odie, because I'm not throwing it. - - Good boy!
ga230706 -- Hey, Garfield. I got you a new ball of yarn! Let me check out my schedule. - I'll be aloof for most of the day... - Oh, wait. There's a 10-minut window at four when I'll be playful.
ga230707 -- - - We don't want to talk about it.
ga230708 -- At summer camp, I learned essential survival skills... - How to build a fire, how to avoid poison ivy... Big deal. - And how to sneak snacks out od the cafeteria. Okay, now I'm impressed.
ga230709 -- I shouldn't... - - No, no, no, no! - Hi, Liz! - Would you PLEASE eat those?! - I've never been begged to eat donuts before. MARRY ME!
ga230710 -- - - Some days I just don*'t feel like peopling.
ga230711 -- A word of advice for coping with life... - A donut a day keeps a bad mood away. - And the badder the mood, the bigger the donut.
ga230712 -- - - "Angst" is not a word in Odie's vocabulary.
ga230713 -- Santa watches you all year long. - - THANKS FOR RUINING MY SUMMER, SANTA!
ga230714 -- I've written a poem for you, Liz. - - Read it slowly. - Although this appears to be a shopping list. And with feeling.
ga230715 -- Let's see, what do I feel like eating? - Ah, there it is! - Everything!
ga230716 -- - - Too big. - - Too small. - - Juuuust right.
ga230717 -- Sigh... - I need a day between Sunday and Monday... - Called Notreadyyetday.
ga230718 -- You have a donut problem. Jon, Jon, Jon... - Donuts aren't the problem. - Donuts are the solution.
ga230719 -- Whine... Step aside. - Give me the donut or I shred the drapes. - Dogs beg. Cats negotiate.
ga230720 -- Breaking news! - BURP! - Stay tuned for further updates! Go away.
ga230721 -- - - Isn't that annoying? No, not at all.
ga230722 -- I'm not being lazy... - - I'm storing solar energy for the winter.
ga230723 -- Garfield. Jon. - As Can - we you - age fix - we me - slow dinner - down. NOW?!
ga230724 -- There's nothing worse than a monday morning... - Tofu burgers for lunch! - Except a monday afternoon.
ga230725 -- I never drink too much coffee. - SLURP - EVERYTHING IN MODERATION, I SAY!!!
ga230726 -- Odie's a good boy. - Psst psst psst - He tells me where Jon hides the cheese doodles.
ga230727 -- I'm treating myself to a donut this morning. - - Last night I dreamed I lost five pounds.
ga230728 -- BURRRRP BURRRRP - Burping contests are so immature. Okay. - Maturity is overrated. frrt frrt frrt FRRT frrt frrt frrt  frrt frrt FRRT  frrt frrt FRRT  frrt frrt frrt frrt frrt  frrt frrt frrt frrt frrt  frrt  frrt frrt  frrt frrt frrt frrt
ga230728 -- frrt FRRT  frrt frrt frrt frrt FRRT  frrt frrt frrt frrt
ga230729 -- Ow! Hot sidewalk! - Ow! Ow! Fire ants! Ouch! Mosquito! - Ow! Ow! Ow! Sunburn! Ah, the sounds of summer.
ga230730 -- zzzzzzzz - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - SWISH - SWISH SWISH - - He hee hee zzzzzz - OH, REAL MATURE!!!
ga230731 -- In every week's story, monday is the villain... - SLURRRRRRK - And coffee is the hero!
ga230801 -- I lost a neon green argyle sock in the dryer. - Oh, no! - That poor dryer.
ga230802 -- Laziness is an art... - - I call this "Still Life with Chair".
ga230803 -- Jon, I'm here to help you be more efficient. - - You're welcome!
ga230804 -- tic tic tic tic - I changed my status... - TO "in relationship with pizza".
ga230805 -- What do I love more than eating? - Duh... - Overeating!
ga230806 -- RIIIIIINNNGGG - Wake up, Jon Arbuckle! We have running to do! - Keep up, guys! Only five more miles! - No thank you, Jon Arbuckle! I'll just have a sprig of kale! - You look lonely, Odie, old pal. Here, take Pooky. - Congratulations! You've
ga230806 -- lost another ten pounds! - Whoa! Worst nightmare ever!
ga230807 -- Being lazy is a full-time job. - It barely leaves me time for my hobbies. - Like dozing and napping.
ga230808 -- If you eat too many cookies, you'll get sick. My, my... - A fascinating postulation, Jon. - I must put that theory to the test.
ga230809 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Guess who filled Odie's water dish with coffee?
ga230810 -- Maybe someday I'll finally get what I deserve. - - But I hope not.
ga230811 -- You're on time! - - Sorry I'm not late?
ga230812 -- Un momento... - Z - You may now resume your life.
ga230813 -- 6:55 PM Hi! Hi! - 7:00 PM CLICK Nah - 8:00 PM CLICK CLICK Nope. Nah. - 9:00 PM CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK No. Nah. Nope. Meh. - 10:00 PM CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK Nah. Ick. No. Ugh. - 11:00 PM CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK
ga230813 -- CLICK CLICK Men. Nah. No. Naw. Date night for Jon and Liz. - 10,000 movies to stream, and they can't decide on one. Well, that was fun. Same time next week?
ga230814 -- My prescription for mondays... - A cup of coffee. - With refills 'til tuesday!
ga230815 -- I just ate a fly behind the barn. - - So? Got a mint?
ga230816 -- - It's pathetic the way dogs beg for food. - They're good at it, though.
ga230817 -- Time to hit the beach! - Woo-hoo! - We'll return to "Santa's Summer Vacation"... That man should NOT wear a swimsuit!
ga230818 -- Can you open this jar for me, Jon? While you watch? - Sure. Why not? - Oh. NNNNNN NNGGGGG GGGHHHH HHHHHHH
ga230819 -- Wow! - Just look at that beautiful sunset! Big whoop. - What else can you do with it?
ga230820 -- GARFIELD - Ahhh...that was a great dinner. - Excellent cat food! - KISS - - Hi, Jon, it's me! Hi, Liz! Come on in! - KISS -
ga230821 -- Time to get up and start another day. - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! - Z
ga230822 -- Are you scheduled for a barking? - That's right. - Be right with you. Do you have any magazines I can read?
ga230823 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, how can I get my neighbor's dog to stop barking?" Bark! Bark! - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Get to the point! Bark! Bark! Bark!
ga230824 -- I'm not afraid of anything. - Garfield, they're ready! - Except broccoli smoothies.
ga230825 -- I don't feel like doing anything. Neither do I. - - This is nice. Hey! Talking is doing sometinhg!
ga230826 -- You know.. - I do my best thinking in bed. -
ga230827 -- Z Z - Would you boys like to go for a walk? Z Z - Z Z - Would you boys like to go play in the park? Z Z - Z Z - How about a treat? - At the vet? Z Z
ga230828 -- Garfield, you are wasting most of your life. - That's disappointing to hear. - I was trying to waste ALL of it.
ga230829 -- - - Can I have that back? It isn't fall yet. Who am I? Mother Nature?!
ga230830 -- - BARK! - That one snuck up on you, huh?
ga230831 -- Woo-hoo! It's thursday! - Time to re-lace all my shoes! - If being boring were a job, Jon would be rich.
ga230901 -- Liz, would you love me more if I was rich and famous? - Oh, Jon... - I love you just the way you are! Poor and obscure.
ga230902 -- Every day is like an adventure here, Garfield. - An adventure in which...uh, in which... - Nothing really happens. I'm checking the meaning of the word "Adventure".
ga230903 -- - Sigh... - What a beautiful evening. So peaceful. So... AROOO - Quiet, Odie! Go howl at your own moon! - Garfield. What in the world are you talking. AROOOOOOO - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ga230904 -- - Sigh... - Monday just got three times worse.
ga230905 -- You know, Garfield... - Winning isn't everything. Yeah... - Say all the losers.
ga230906 -- chew chew chew chew - chew chew chew chew -Never ask a dof to shuffle the cards. chew chew chew chew
ga230907 -- Ahhh... - - A sunbeam is nature's way of telling you it's naptime.
ga230908 -- I don't know, Arlene... - I may need to re-evaluate our entire relationship. - Garfield, a lot of us LIKE pineapple on pizza. LAH! LAH! LAH! LAH!
ga230909 -- Remember, losing weight is a journey, not a destination. - Unless... - You pass a pizza parlor.
ga230910 -- This is going to be fun! - Look out, ocean! Here comes Aquajon! - I say starfish and octopus.  I'll go with stingray and eel. - SNAP BITE CRUNCH STING SQUEEZE MUNCHA MUNCHA NIBBLE NIP NIP CHOMP SNIP SNIPPY SNIP SNIP ZZZZT CLAMP - SLAP!
ga230911 -- I'm in the mood to do something productive! - - I'll just sit here until it passes.
ga230912 -- I'm cuter than you, and I'll always be cuter than you. - True... - But I'm bigger than you, and I'll always be bigger than you.
ga230913 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - - Dogs love their scratching.
ga230914 -- I've lost my phone! - Also my keys, several socks, a book, sunglasses... - A bar of soap... Your mind...
ga230915 -- I had a busy day today. - So did Garfield. - The drapes were taunting me. Too busy.
ga230916 -- Donuts...APPEAR! - - The day that finally works will be a happy day indeed.
ga230917 -- - - - YAWN - Z Z Z Z Z Z I'm an influencer.
ga230918 -- I could go for a walk. - Garfieeeeeeeeld... - Come baaaaaaack. But I'm needed here.
ga230919 -- In high school, lots of guys played air guitar. - But I was different. - I played air accordion! Just when I thought you couldn't get any lamer.
ga230920 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, is there a question that YOU'D like to ask?" - bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark
ga230920 -- bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark - No.
ga230921 -- Summer's almost over. - I'd better get busy... - These beach party movies aren't gonna watch themselves!
ga230922 -- I'm not speaking to you! - But you just did. - That doesn't count. Tell me more.
ga230923 -- I'm finally on a diet I can stick to. - CHOMP GULP - It's called the "I ate half a pizza instead of a whole one" diet.
ga230924 -- Hey, Garfield. Hey, Arlene. - So, she was like, "Arlene! You haven't changed a bit! We have to get together" Oh, gee. Look at the time. - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Later, dude. - Then, right in the baxk of the drawer was a sock I'd never...
ga230924 -- Riveting. Gotta go now. - bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Finally! - And, just as I'm about to crawl out of the dumpster, what do I spy behind a shoe box, but a whole slice of cheese! Well, sir,
ga230924 -- I had hit the jackpot! I felt like a...
ga230925 -- Garfield, you should go for a walk. Not to worry. I already did. - - April 10, 2022.
ga230926 -- We're out of cookies! - Correction... - YOU'RE out of cookies.
ga230927 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Finish your work already?
ga230928 -- I like having pizza delivered. - * DING-DONG! * - No assembly required!
ga230929 -- Guess what? Twenty-three! - Excuse me? Loose-leaf paper! Green! Cleveland! - Jon's not a good guesser. Elephant!
ga230930 -- Garfield... - There are ants i the garage. And your point? - They got into your cookie stash. Where do we keep the flamethrower?
ga231001 -- WHAP! - Okay, let's move on to the bonus round! - And now, to win a vacation to the tropics and a new car... - Name these sounds! - BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! - THUNK - GAH! - Jon Arbuckle hanging a picture. That is correct. I'm famous! You're
ga231001 -- pathetic.
ga231002 -- On rainy days, I like to stay under the covers. - - And on sunny days, cloudy days, windy days...
ga231003 -- I can't eat broccoli for medical reasons. - - It makes me sick.
ga231004 -- - - Thanks for warming the bed, Pooky.
ga231005 -- Let's see what's on the agenda... - Climbing Mt. Everest...then sailing the Atlantic. - I like to give my naps fun names.
ga231006 -- Meditation keeps me calm and centered. - We're out of milk. Ah, such is life. - And we're out of coffee. Ah, such is the end of the world.
ga231007 -- I'd exercise. - But I don't have the clothes, the equipment... - Or the desire.
ga231008 -- - - - - Did I already have a donut? - - Being forgetful has its benefits.
ga231009 -- Do you hate mondays, too? Nope! - SMACK! - A POX ON MONDAYS!!
ga231010 -- I have a good feeling about today. - The ice cream truck and the pizza delivery van broke down! - Right in front of our house!
ga231011 -- Dogs dig holes. - - But they don't have ladders. Bark?
ga231012 -- When I was a kid, I worried there was a monster in my closet. - Then I grew up, and realized there's nothing uin my closet to be scared of. - Except that lime gerr leisure suit.
ga231013 -- To stay healthy, eat more and move less. - It's eat LESS, and exercise MORE. - You do you, I'll do me.
ga231014 -- There are some who seek to be one with nature. - - I prefer to be one with pizza.
ga231015 -- Whee! - Yahoo! - Wo-hoo! Booyah! - Yaaaay! Wahooie! Gnarly! - Yeah, baby! Dude! Woot! Rah! - - Leaves are fall's confetti. Yowza!
ga231016 -- I don't have a sleeping problem. - - I have a waking up problem.
ga231017 -- They say you should follow your heart. - And it's true. - Hello, my love!
ga231018 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, how are you today?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - I don't understand the answer. Okay, this was a bad idea.
ga231019 -- I'm calling my lawyer! - I need to be compensated for my pain and suffering! - Pizza still not here? O, woe is me!
ga231020 -- You know what you don't see very often? - What's that? - Strolling accordion players. Whoa. Yeah, most of them are running.
ga231021 -- Irma, what's in the "Healthy Breakfast"? - Four eggs, pancakes, waffle, bacon, sausage, ham, freid potatoes... - And a string of parsley. Gotta have the daily requirement of vegetables!
ga231022 -- Here, Odie! * - Dogs... - They're always scratching and slobbering... THUMPA THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP - And their eating habits are horrid. SLUP! SLUP! SCHLURP! SMACK SNARF SLUP GOMP! GOMP! GULP NOM NOM NOM - They're noisy. * DING-DONG! BARK!
ga231022 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - And...and... - They're the best friends you could ever hope to have!
ga231023 -- Cats crave excitement. - CRASH! Woot. - That's enough for today.
ga231024 -- I appreciate the little joys of life. - - And the big joys, too!
ga231025 -- Dogs like to run around. - THUD - Walls do not.
ga231026 -- Nothing beats coming in from the cold and curling up by the fire. - - Except NOT going out in the cold and curling up by the fire.
ga231027 -- Sigh. - Sigh. - Sigh. Is he okay? I'll get his inhaler.
ga231028 -- We now return to "Cat Horror Cinema". - Fluffy! I'm home from the grocery store! - Oh, shoot! I forgot the tuna. YAHHH
ga231029 -- Z - Z - Z - Z squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek - *Z* - - Very funny!
ga231030 -- Iam The Ghost of Mondays Past. I come from 1978. Not scary. - - Mood rings? Leisure suits? Disco? Man perms? Laser discs? Okay, that's scary.
ga231031 -- - - Is it nice out? No zombies.
ga231101 -- It's true. - Dogs cannot be trusted. - Didn't I have TWO shoes?
ga231102 -- I'm writing a book. What's it called? The Juicy Fly. - It's a cookbook.
ga231103 -- What do those stars remind you of, Garfield? Lasagna. - How can a sky full of stars remind you of lasagna? EVERYTHING reminds me of lasagna. - What beautiful noodles you have, dear. Yeah, yeah.
ga231104 -- They say it's good for plants to talk to them. - - You're delicious.
ga231105 -- ...and now, here's Colonel Exposition with your briefing. - Okay, men, there's a 50 foot mutant teenager heading for the city... - Not to worry, though...I have a plan! What's that, sir? - We'll distract it with this 8 foot smartphone. -
ga231105 -- Oooooooooooooooooooh. - Guys? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. - DON'T MAKE ME SHUT OFF THE WI-FI! That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
ga231106 -- Time to contemplate my life. - Z - Nice.
ga231107 -- Poor little leaf... - Leaving its home to face who knows what. - Wheeee!
ga231108 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! That cloud DOES look like a squirrel.
ga231109 -- We're out of cheez doodles, cookies, donuts and chips. Correction, we are mot out of chips. - MUNCH! MUNCH! MUNCH! MUNCH! - Okay, now we are.
ga231110 -- Tell me a secret about you, and I'll tell you one about me. - Psst, psst, psst. - WAH HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA I don't like this game. Told her about the Holstein Jammies, didn't you?
ga231111 -- - - Lose interest?
ga231112 -- - - - - - ALL RIGHT! I'M UP! OKAY?! - Good things come to those who wait.
ga231113 -- I have this recurring nightmare. - - Called monday.
ga231114 -- I can't please everyone. - - But I can annoy everyone.
ga231115 -- Odie is always making a mess of the house. - BOOT! CRASH! There he goes again!
ga231116 -- I'm never goinfg to retire. - - I enjoy my work too much.
ga231117 -- They say walking... - Gives you...energy. - Z
ga231118 -- I stocked the dridge with healthy food! - Sigh. - Pssssst...there's a donut hidden in the crisper. My hero!
ga231119 -- Garfield, I'm home! - Guess what I got for you? - It's Fuzzy Fishy-Wishy! - Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it! - Wooga! Wooga! Wooga! - Pizza? I thought you'd never ask.
ga231120 -- Z z - Z z - z Z
ga231121 -- A dash of salt... - And a hint of cinnamon. - That might be slightly more than a hint. None for me, thanks.
ga231122 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, what's the meaning of life?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! - Odie says belly rubs. I say bacon.
ga231123 -- Time for dessert! - - There isn't a pie under there, is there? There used to be.
ga231124 -- Remember... - It's best to start a diet with a friend. - So you can steal their food.
ga231125 -- - Hey! Why does my ice cream taste like mashed potatoes?! - Go figure.
ga231126 -- You know, Garfield... - My life was different before you came along. Oh, I can imagine... - Pointless... - Sad... - Boring... - Lonely... - I'm sensing sarcasm here. Empty, meaningless, dismal, joyless, bleak, mundane, dreary, glum, dull,
ga231126 -- humdrum, somber, tedious...
ga231127 -- Z - TAH-DAH-DAH-DAH! TAH-DAH-DAH-DAH! tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - Betcha didn't see THAT coming!
ga231128 -- As  I've aged... - I've gained a lot of wisdom. - Especially around the middle.
ga231129 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, can you help me with my book report on beagles?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! - Only if you want someone to eat?
ga231130 -- And now, a word from our sponsor, Blah-Dee Blah-Dee Blah-Dee blah-Dee Dah - Welcome back, my next guest is the one you've all been waiting for! - But first a word from our sponsor.
ga231201 -- "Dear Ask a Girlfriend, isn't Garfield charming and handsome? - - Signed, Nobody, you know. nice try, "Nobody".
ga231202 -- Garfield, you tracked mud all over the floor! - No I didn't. - That's fudge.
ga231203 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! - pant pant pant pant  pant pant pant pant - BARK! BARK! BARK! Play date.
ga231204 -- Attention! - We are now entering the holiday season. - Otherwise known as "The No-Diet Zone".
ga231205 -- PSSSHHHHHHT - Holiday air freshener! - It smells like a wet elf in here.
ga231206 -- BARK! - Next! - He's extra busy around the holidays.
ga2312ß7 -- I want to buy my 50-foot girlfriend a gift. - Do you have these in green?... - Size 85? That is one big pair of clogs.
ga231208 -- Ready for our date, Liz? Yes, but first do something for me. - Sure! What? Change out of that ugly Christmas sweater. - How did she know? It's date night. It's December. You're Jon Arbuckle. HelLOOOO.
ga231209 -- I decorated my place. - Chrck it out. Okay. - Like it? That is a LOT of cheese.
ga231210 -- Hmmmm... - I only have to be good for two more weeks and a day...then it's Christmas! - Let's see. That's 15 days... tap - Or 360 hours...or 21,600 minutes... tap tap tap - Or 1,296,000 seconds. tap - - The heck with it. I think I'll go break
ga231210 -- a lamp.
ga231211 -- Dear Santa, - All I want this year is peace on Earth. - Oh, and a few little thingies listed on pages 2 through 38.
ga231212 -- ** - Yak Face! - Baboon Breath! Nothing like a holiday phone call from your brother.
ga231213 -- Hey, Doc Boy, happy holidays! How's fram life? - You have a question? - Well, technologically, yes. If the goat is under the mistletoe, you DO have to kiss her. I'll be leaving for Mars now.
ga231214 -- I wonder what Santa does when you're REALLY naughty? - Does he bring you a lump of coal? - Something worse? Change our Wi-Fi password?
ga231215 -- I like to give to those less fortunate. What did you do? - I donated my old sequin bow ties to charity. - Haven't they suffered enough? Hey! Thats MY line!
ga231216 -- - ZIP - The holidays don't really start until the first Christmas cookie has been snuck. munch munch munch
ga231217 -- * - Boys! Time to decorate! - You wouldn't believe the deal I got on this tree! - FUMP! Yes I would. - OH, NO! NOW WHAT DO WE DO?! We do this. - scoot scoot scoot - Garfield, you are a genius! I know.
ga231218 -- Ready, Garfield? Do it! - click! -
ga231219 -- Cats love climbing up inside Christmas trees. - YEOOOW!! - Sat on a hot bulb.
ga231220 -- - XXX OOO XXX OOO Awww. - His Christmas list.
ga231221 -- - - Just saw his first Christmas present under the tree.
ga231222 -- Happy holidays, Mom! I miss you! - I miss you too, Jonny. Here's your dad. - Have you checked the air pressure in your tires? Yeah, dad. It's good. Feel the love.
ga231223 -- So, Santa spends all year making toys and presents... - Then gives them all away in one night. - I don't understand his business model, but I love the big guy!
ga231224 -- - - - - - - Everyone needs a secret Santa.
ga231225 -- The holidays are all about family being together. - One way or another. - Merry Christmas!
ga231226 -- One - Two - I need to get my donut-grabbing hand limbered up.
ga231227 -- - Your tail is happier than you are. -
ga231228 -- I made an award out of cheese! And the winner is... - GULP! - Me!
ga231229 -- I'm very special to me, Arlene. - And I'm very special to me, Garfield. Sigh.
ga231230 -- Jon, I worry about you. - I worry that you'll get indigestion. - Let me help.
ga231231 -- Garfiled, shuold I wear the squirting or the exploding tie? We wouldn't want to make the wrong impression. - A clown accused me of copying his suit. How low can a clown stoop? - Tonight I dine with "Zelda, the Toad Woman". Don't forget to
ga231231 -- take a jar of flies. - We're ready! Man the lifeboats... - How did THIS ever go out of style? Your shirt looks like it's eating you. - Liz sent me home to change. My eyes! - Ta-dah! GAH! Brand new year, same old Jon.
ga240101 -- This year, I've decided to exercise more! - And not only that... - I've also decided to lie more!
ga240102 -- This year is going to be different. - BURP - Except for that. Except for that.
ga240103 -- - SOMEbody wants to play fetch. - And somebody doesn't.
ga240104 -- Ah, the sounds of winter...trees creaking in the wind... - Ice bouncing off the house... tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok - Odie's tongue stuck to a fire hydrant. Marth! Marth!
ga240105 -- Arlene, would you say I get better looking every day? - Well... - Uh... Every OTHER day?
ga240106 -- It's winter. - Time for my annual tradition... - Sleep till spring.
ga240107 -- - - - - - CLICK - What happened? I'm streaming summer.
ga240108 -- Three...two...one... SLURP! - Wait, is this decaf? - Mission scrubbed, failure to launch.
ga240109 -- Garfield, your salad is ready! - snap! snap! - Who are you? The stunt double.
ga240110 -- - We apologize for the delay. - You've been cleared for takeoff! BOOT!
ga240111 -- I'm not rude. I just say what's on my mind. - BURP! - And in my gut.
ga240112 -- My boo-boo really hurts. - But, I can't let on to Liz. Try this. - Shed strong, manly tears.
ga240113 -- This plant-based meat tastes just like hamburger. You got that right. . Assuming, of course... - That hamburger tastes like wet cardboard!!!
ga240114 -- - I don't count sheep. I count donuts. - * - ** - *** - **** - MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
ga240115 -- Mondays... - There's one in every single week, 52 times a year. - Seems a bit excessive to me.
ga240116 -- Some mornings I don't feel like getting out of bed. - - Especially when I've slept on my tail and can't move without screaming.
ga240117 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, what's on your to-do list?" - - bark, bark, bark, sniff, sniff, bark, bark, bark
ga240118 -- I shall now report the news... - Through interpretative dance. - Whoa, the city council passed a new zoning ordinance, and main street is being repaved. **
ga240119 -- I'm happy when I'm with you. Me, too. - Very happy. - Yes, you can have my donut. Very, VERY happy.
ga240120 -- ECHO POINT Meow - Arf? - Moo? Stop guessing and pay attention!
ga240121 -- - Bark! . Shh - Bark! Bark! Bark! - Hush, Odie! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! SHUT UP! - I told you he wouldn't care if you said I was eating his lunch.
ga240122 -- Today I'm going to jump out of bed with renewed hope and energy! - - I'm pretending it's saturday morning!
ga240123 -- It's cold out. - - And I can't reach the thermostat.
ga240124 -- I've given up barking to pursue something more rewarding. - Like what? - SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF Dogs.
ga240125 -- No. - "No" what? - I don't play basketball.
ga240126 -- Nothing I do is good enough for you! - Whoa! - Did you DO something? I mean hypothetically.
ga240127 -- Pooky, old pal... - Can we talk? - You may need to rethink your dream of being an action hero.
ga240128 -- sigh - Sigh...I'm getting the winter blues. What am I to do? - - I know! - Close the curtains!
ga240129 -- You've got an easy life. - That's what he thinks. - This table could be softer.
ga240130 -- You are fat. Yes, I am good-looking. - And selfish. True, I'm very caring. - And you never listen to me! Enough with the compliments!
ga240131 -- Aww! How sweet! - Have a treat. - Teach ME puppy dog eyes!
ga240201 -- I'm optimistic about the future. - - Pizza will be here in 10 minutes.
ga240202 -- I'm making a list of exciting things I want to do! - May I see? - "Drive three miles over speed limit". Jon Arbuckle, thrill seeker.
ga240203 -- Dieters, take note. - Carrot cake... - Technically, that counts as a vegetable serving!
ga240204 -- - - - - - -
ga240205 -- - - I should know better than to go outside on a Monday morning in February.
ga240206 -- Okay... - I think it's safe now. - Happy Tuesday!
ga240207 -- - Okay, I admit it. - I may be a teeny-tiny, itty-bitty bit grumpy in the morning.
ga240208 -- I like glazed, but the chocolate is good, too. Ooh, and I love jelly-filled! I's just sohard to decide! - SNARF - Problem solved.
ga240209 -- Cats are mysterious creatures. - Why do we do what we do? I'll tell you why. - To drive you crazy, that's why.
ga240210 -- Garfield, you're wasting the whole weekend! - You call it wasting... - I call it maximizing.
ga240211 -- - Welcome to the show, ladies and gentlemen! - Introducing Odie! He's one class dog act! - And Arlene, the mean dancing machine! - Mailman Stan! He really delivers! - They're tiny, but they'll please for cheese! - To me it's a security
ga240211 -- camera. To Garfield, it's "Neighborhood's Got Talent".
ga240212 -- And now a word from our city's newly elected mayor. - Bark! Bark! - Worst nightmare ever!
ga240213 -- ** ding dong The pizzas are here, Garfield. You get your choice. Yes! - Kale or Tofu? - Worst nightmare ever.
ga240214 -- In the news tonight, the dogdemic has spread nationwide. What's a dogdemic? - - Worst nightmare ever.
ga240215 -- You know, in this changing world, as relationships come and go, it's nice to have your teddy bear to confide in. - Yo, mom. Yeah, I'm good. Hey, you won't believe what Garfield just told me... - Worst nightmare ever.
ga240216 -- Ready for your exam, Garfield? Whatever. - Lets take your temperature, shall we? - Worst nightmare ever.
ga240217 -- We have the evening ahead of us, Arlene. What would you like to do? - Let's talk politics. - Worst nightmare ever.
ga240218 -- Z - Hark! What smell through yonder doorway breaks? - It is the coffee, and Jon is the brewer! - Hey! That coffee is mine! Neither a borrower nor a lender be. - In black ink my love may still shine bright. - Good night, good night! Partin is
ga240218 -- such sweet sorrow! - Leaving so soon? Brevity is the soul of wit.
ga240219 -- Garfield... - I'd better get up. Oh, Garfield... - My coffee needs me. Come out and play!
ga240220 -- Teddy bears are amazing. - They have the power to make you feel better. - But they don't brag about it.
ga240221 -- Dogs... - Why are they always so happy? - Because they have no idea what's going on, that's why.
ga240222 -- I pity you, stuck out here in the cold all day. - At least I have a life. - Like talking to snow?
ga240223 -- Here's an interesting factoid, Arlene. - One cupcake won't make you gain weight. Really? - Especially if you give it to me.
ga240224 -- YEAR BOOK Here's my freshman picture. - - Doc Boy gave me a haircut with the sheep shears. I hope you didn't tip him.
ga240225 -- - I'm going out to get the mail. - CRAAAAAAK BOOOM - - donk donk donk donk donk donk donk donk donk donk donk donk donk donk - ROOOAR - It's Sunday. Aand so goes another ordinary day in the life of Jon Arbuckle.
ga240226 -- Wake up, sleepyhead. You're missing the best part of the day! - Jon... - It's monday. There is no "best part" of the day.
ga240227 -- The cookie jar's empty! - GARFIELD! Sorry, there was an emergency. - And they had to be evacuated.
ga240228 -- "Dear Ask a Dog, why does my dog only pay attention to me when I give him a treat? - - I'm not going there.
ga240229 -- - Fall was over months ago. - So THAT'S where everybody went!
ga240301 -- You know what would be great? What? - Yodeling Polka! - Boy, Liz can run fast. Good thing that window was open.
ga240302 -- Have I lost weight? No. - That's impossible. I've been on a strict diet. For how long? - Eleven whole minutes!
ga240303 -- - BWONK! - poomp! - THOOMP! - *BLOOOONG - Just what do you think you're doing? Freestyling! *
ga230304 -- I locked the door, closed the curtains and turned the lights off. - But to no avail... - Monday got in through the pet door.
ga240305 -- I'm making chocolate chip cookies. - With almond flour, low-fat margarine... boop beep beep - And sugar-free chocolate chips. Yes, I'd like to report a baking crime.
ga240306 -- Odie's digging for buried treasure. - Whoa, he says he hit the mother lode. BARK! BARK! BARK! - A stash of squeaky toys. SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
ga240307 -- Hi, Irma. Well! What brings you boys back? - It was Garfield's idea, actually. - Once he wrestled the steering wheel from my hands! Sorry about your sign.
ga240308 -- We should do something rxciting! Okay! - How about a game of checkers? Whoa! That's just crazy! - I'm sensing sarcasm here. Who IS this wild man? He's the Fun-Meister!
ga240309 -- That's Big Ernie Melman. He went bald in the tenth grade. - I called him "Melon Head Melman". - He made me eat my sweat socks. Not enough catsup in the world...
ga240310 -- beedle beedle beedle - Hello?--- Who?... - No, I'm NOT interested in a timeshare condominium... - And I don't appreciate being BOTHERED with your annoying telemarketing calls! - And what's MORE, I...what? - - My biceps will get HOW big?
ga240310 -- Jooooon?
ga240311 -- - - I would like to thank gravity for making this Monday possible.
ga240312 -- That's me on the football team. Year Book - I only made it onto the practice squad, though. - The school couldn't afford tackle dummies, so... Say no more.
ga240313 -- "Dear Ask A Dog, if the dog is man's best friend, who is dog's best friend?" - Bark! Bark! - Mr. Tennis Ball.
ga240314 -- ZZZT! - zzZZT! ZZT! zzzT! - That bug zapper over the grill was a good idea. ZZZT! POO!
ga240315 -- Garfield, do you ever turn on the charm? - Hey, I've had it on for years, lady. - Hmmm, must be on a low setting. Ouch!
ga240316 -- What's the perfect accessory... - That goes with everything? - Butter!
ga240317 -- Hey, Garfield. Hey, snail. - Wanna race? Sure. - On your mark...get set...go! - - - Hear that? Hear what? - The wind whistling through my antennae! Seriously?
ga240318 -- The average person spends a third of their life in bed. - - Amateurs.
ga240319 -- The tomato... - Is it a fruit, or is it a vegetable? - Who cares? I'm having a donut.
ga240320 -- If you love something... - Set it free. - Unless it's pizza.
ga240321 -- I'm finally doing it. - I'm writing a book about growing up on a farm. - Here's a pivotal chapter on the art of milking! I hear the TV calling.
ga240322 -- Here's to you, Arlene. Aw, how sweet. - SCHLURRRRK - Ready for the burping contest? And, how disgusting.
ga240323 -- Welcome to "Eating Healthy with Organic Gary"! - Today we're having wheat germ, kale and almond milk. ding-dong ** - Pepperoni pizza delivery, sir! Um... BUSTED!
ga240324 -- - Well, look who it is! - WELCOME BACK, OL' BUDDY! Huh? - I MISSED YOU ALL WINTER! REally? - Why, SURE! It's just not the same here without YOU around! Gee! - Hey, c'mon. How about a hug? Well, okay. - Where have you been? Having lunch with
ga240324 -- an old buddy.
ga240325 -- - What does that sign up there say? - Ah. NO CLIMBING
ga240326 -- Why doesn't Jon save me? - Save me, Garfield! - Ah.
ga240327 -- Oh, no! - We'll save you! - The tree, I mean.
ga240328 -- You could be making better use of your time, you know. - Like how? - Try chin-ups. Ha, ha.
ga240329 -- - Down here. You're late.
ga240330 -- - Sorry. I'm not climbing you today. - If only I could do a happy dance.
ga240331 -- lick lick lick - lick lick - - lick lick lick - - Never stand downwind with a fudge pop during shedding season. Are you gonna finish that?
ga240401 -- BEWARE OF DOG - - GRRRRR! WHO'S ON A DIET
ga240402 -- The recipe says the meat is supposed to rest now. - - GARFIELD! You didn't say where.
ga240403 -- Will you help me practice for the kennel play? - I'm auditioning to be a guard dog. - I forgot my line! Try "bark".
ga240404 -- Garfield's Daily Exercise log tic tic tic - 1,000 push-ups 250,000 sit-ups 500,000 leg lifts 1,000,000 steps tic tic tic tic - If you're gonna lie, lie big.
ga240405 -- I've decided to set realistic weight goals. - You gained five pounds. - Sweet! Halfway there!
ga240406 -- - - Everyone needs a support group.
ga240407 -- - Why do dogs turn around before lying down? - Some say it's a holdover habit from their wolf ancestors. - They would check the location of the other pack members... - Point their noses upwind to detect the approach of other animals... sniff
ga240407 -- sniff - And lie down facing the likely direction of the predators. - So much for THAT theory. BOOT!
ga240408 -- Oooooooooooh...chili-cheese fries... - mmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm - Was that your order, or were you just having a moment? Both. Hold on, I'm not through yet.
ga240409 -- What's the special today? - Mole rat fritters. - It comes with free cheesecake. I'm in.
ga240410 -- Wanna split an order of onion rings? - Nah. - Let's split two orders instead.
ga240411 -- My chicken salad sandwich has feathers in it. - Consider yourself lucky. - My westerm omelet has a saddle sore.
ga240212 -- I bent my knife! - Think I should complain? I would. - Mashed potatoes aren't supposed to do that.
ga240413 -- "Breakfast always served" - I'll have two eggs over easy for dinner, then. Right. - WAKE UP THE CHICKEN! And give the pig a nudge, too.
ga240414 -- COOKIES - - - - - crunch -
ga240415 -- YAWN - Whoa! I woke up late this morning. - I'll make up for it by going to bed early tonight.
ga240416 -- When you go camping, it's important to choose just the right spot. - - Found it!
ga240417 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Guess who's a good boy? - I am! Yeah, you and seventy-six million other dogs.
ga240418 -- I bought a bag of lettuce last week, but now it's all brown and wilted. - - Finally! Pizza it is! bip bip boop
ga240419 -- BURP! BURP! BURP! BURP! - You don't have to do that every time you visit. - But it's my walk-up song!
ga240420 -- A diet tip... - - Be careful not to get too skinny.