ga780619 -- Hi, there...I'm Jon Arbuckle. I'm a cartoonist, and this is my cat, Garfield. - Hi, there. I'm Garfield. I'm a cat, and this is my cartoonist, Jon. - Our only thought is to entertain you. Feed me.
ga780620 -- Happy birthday, Garfield. I have a surprise for you. - A rubber mousey! - Could've used a little salt...
ga780621 -- A MOUSE! GET IT! - Garfield! You didn't even try! - Show me a good mouser, and I'll show you a cat with bad breath.
ga780622 -- I'm putting you on a diet, Garfield...here's your dinner. - WHA... -
ga780623 -- - Ahhhhh... - Happiness is a warm television set.
ga780624 -- SLAP! - - Don't be cruel, Garfield. Put the catburger out of its misery and eat it.
ga780625 -- Cats... - We cats are intelligent, soft, cute... - furry cuddly... - playful... - demure... - - and masters of the house.
ga780626 -- We cats like to sit in high places. It reinforces our superiority. - - Help.
ga780627 -- - - Garfield, you dummy.
ga780628 -- Here, Garfield, ...beg. - EEYOUCH!! - Groveling is not one of my strong suits.
ga780629 -- You can't drink coffee, Garfield. You'll stunt your, uh, your... - - One lump or two?
ga780630 -- All I ever do is eat and sleep, eat and sleep, eat and sleep. - There must be more to a cat's life than that. - But, I hope not.
ga780701 -- This is it, Garfield, the late-late movie with Brigitte Bardot. - Got our soda pop. Got our popcorn. We're set. - zzzzzz zzzzz
ga780702 -- I'm out of shape. - I think I'll take up jogging. - - - pant pant pant - Whew! Made it!
ga780703 -- - PURRR - I hate static electricity.
ga780704 -- I really shouldn't eat that fish... - - Call it an ethnic weakness.
ga780705 -- itch scratch scratch - scratch! scratch! scratch! scratch! itch scratch! scratch! scratch! scratch! - AARRRGH!
ga780706 -- SNIFF! - Cat food... - The bouquet leaves something to be desired.
ga780707 -- Ah, a curtain upon which to sharpen my claws. - - I hate double-knit.
ga780708 -- Dear Garfield: Believe it or not, I am an ugly kitten! Oh, I do all the things "cute" kittens do...play with yarn and such, but I don't get any attention. What can I do? Mud Fence - Dear "Mud": You're trying too hard to be cute. You'll get
ga780708 -- more attention if you just be yourself... - And sharpen your claws on the living room drapes.
ga780709 -- STEAK! - BANZAI! - POOMP! - - GARFIELD! - HISSS! - Even a house cat has to forage for himself once in a while.
ga780710 -- Hmmmm...a new sofa. - - Much better.
ga780711 -- I'm getting lazy. It would do me good to get some exercise. - YAWN - Much better.
ga780712 -- Love a cookout. - - Mind if I smoke?
ga780713 -- I'm going to take an active part in energy conservation. - Get on your mark, get set... - Conserve.
ga780714 -- You're going to love this movie, Garfield. It's my all-time favorite. - Now here's where lieutenant Lacroix finds a spot of blood on the butler's sleeve...so he figures, "Aha! This guy is acting very suspicio -
ga780715 -- I'm just your average, ordinary cat... - For instance, I'm crazy about nature's most perfect food... - LASAGNA!
ga780716 -- - Garfield! Bath time! - zippppp! - GARFIELD? - - SCREEEEEE - - You do what you have to.
ga780717 -- This is the life. I don't think I'll ever get out of bed again. - - I'm hungry.
ga780718 -- Good news, Garfield! - The administration says the rate of inflation is going down. - That and a buck-fifty will get you a cup of coffee.
ga780719 -- Ah, here comes the mailman. - - Why should dogs have all the fun?
ga780720 -- Oh boy, oh boy, today is thursday and that's Lasagna Day. - CAT FOOD! -
ga780721 -- Tickle, tickle, - TICKLE-TICKLE-TICKLE - I think I'm going to throw up.
ga780722 -- YAWN - CRICK! - Hello, doctor? ...my cat's stuck in a stretch.
ga780723 -- - - - - - - - Beware Of Cat!
ga780724 -- SLURP MUNCH SMACK - Garfield, you're a fat, arrogant, lazy pig. - Well, excuuuuuuse me!
ga780725 -- - - Garfield, cut that out!
ga780726 -- SQUIRT! - chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk - Garfield, you should really learn to control your temper.
ga780727 -- - Now where could my pipe be? - GARFIELD!!
ga780728 -- POOK! - - -
ga780729 -- Heh, heh, heh. M-I-C - A cat who likes Mickey Mouse. K-E-Y - Shake it, Annette.
ga780730 -- - - - - - Don't try looking cute at me, Garfield. You still can't have any of my steak.
ga780731 -- Girl scouts like me. - B-B-B-B-B-B - AAAAAAAA I amuse them.
ga780801 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch - Oops. I got a scratch on Jon's favorite chair. - Maybe he won't notice.
ga780802 -- One last olive. - - clunk clunk clunk
ga780803 -- - SSSSSS - One word about curiosity killing the cat, and I'll break your face.
ga780804 -- I hate television commercials. - They're too long to sit through... - -and they're too short for a trip to the sandbox!
ga780805 -- - - Never trust a smiling cat.
ga780806 -- - Nothing to do today but hang on the screen door... - I'm bored. - Bored, bored, bored, bored. - Bored, bored, bored, Bored, bored, bored, Bored, bored, bored. - I wish something would happen. - GARFIELD, LUNCH TIME!!! SLAM! - I'm in pain...
ga780806 -- pain, pain, pain, pain.
ga780807 -- DING DONG - Lyman. Jon. - I'm cold. I'm hungry. I'm weak. Take me in! - Sure, Lyman. You know my home is your home. And my sandbox is off-limits.
ga780808 -- Is that all you have, the one suitcase? Not exactly. - HERE BOY! - Oh, lawsey, lawsey, lawsey.
ga780809 -- Come on, Garfield. Snap out of this deep blue funk. So what if a dog moved in... - You can handle it. Cheer up. - - Take me now, lord!
ga780810 -- What's your dog's name? Odie. - Odie...a dog named Odie... - A blimp named Hindenburg...a ship named Titanic...a car named Edsel. A fresh...
ga780811 -- - CRASH! - Ten billion dogs in this world, and I get Tweedledee, the wonder dummy.
ga780812 -- WOOF! - BARK! - YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP!
ga780813 -- Poor me. - Sigh...a big, vicious, brute of a dog has moved into *my* home... - - GRAB! - whap whap whap whap whap whap whap - dribble dribble dribble - PUNT - How will I ever survive?
ga780814 -- Does it hurt to rub a cat the wrong way? I don't know. - ROWRRRR!! Yup.
ga780815 -- Odie! Look what you did on the floor! - yip! yip! yip! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! whap! whap! whap! - They should've named him "Spot".
ga780816 -- Lyman, you gotta housebreak Odie. How? - Swat him with something. With what? -
ga780817 -- - pat pat pat pat -
ga780818 -- I think I'll put that dog's lights out. - - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga780819 -- - THOCK! - New dance? Bad aim.
ga780820 -- We cats are the source of many myths... - The saying, "nervous as a cat", is an old wive's tale. - BARK! - - - Not to mention, "a cat always lands on its feet".
ga780821 -- Heh, heh, heh. splash splash splash - Cats just love to play with water. - Whew! I thought I'd never find Jon's watch.
ga780822 -- dab dab dab dab - SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! - MY CHICKEN SOUP! The devil made me do it.
ga780823 -- Hey, Jon! What do you think of my new outfit? - - Does Garfield always shed like that? Only on white disco suits.
ga780824 -- munch munch munch - PUNT - Gotta keep my strength up.
ga780825 -- - -
ga780826 -- - SPLOOCH! - Help yourself to the lasagna, Garfield.
ga780827 -- You're getting a little chunky there, pal. - I'm thinking of putting you on a diet, Garfield. - DIET! - I'm already feeling weak! - FOOD! I need FOOD! - The room's growing dim! - WHOP! - clap clap clap clap clap clap
ga780828 -- Garfield, as of this minute, I'm putting you on a diet. - Garfield? - I think I snapped his mind.
ga780829 -- Come on, old buddy. Going on a diet's not all that bad. Why, a couple of pounds off the middle and you'll be fit and trim again. - THAT'S BETTER. - I didn't have the heart to tell him he's made the weight watcher's ten most-wanted list.
ga780830 -- So I'm on a diet...big deal. - You know what a "diet" is, don't you? - IT'S "DIE" WITH A "T," THAT'S WHAT IT IS!
ga780831 -- A diet. Jon has me on a diet. - POOMP!! - When the lasagna content in my blood gets low, I get mean.
ga780901 -- - Wax! - Everything tastes good when you're on a diet.
ga780902 -- Let's see see how well you've done o your diet this week, Garfield. - Now where's the bathroom scale? - I'm sitting on it.
ga780903 -- I hate summer. I gotta beat this heat somehow. - Ahhh, Jon's fan... - Jon's sunglasses. - Jon's hat. - - Some ice cubes and Jon's old kiddy pool. - Mornin', Jon. Here's your mail.
ga780904 -- Labor day, shmabor day. What a dumb day. - To hire some jerk, then send him away... - To celebrate work by playing all day.
ga780905 -- - -
ga780906 -- - -
ga780907 -- Hee-hee-he - HA-HA-HA-HA-HA -
ga780908 -- And that's all for mystery theater. ...good night. - CLICK! - CLICK! GARFIELD! CUT THAT OUT!
ga780909 -- What're you doing tonight, Lyman? I'm gonna catch the new flick down at the bijou. - It's about this kid who puts a tack in his teacher's chair, and she sits on it. - Not much of a plot. I suppose not. But I still enjoy the movies where the
ga780909 -- boy gets the girl in the end.
ga780910 -- BRINNNG! - - Mornin', Lyman. Good morning, Jon. - Ready to go? Be right with you. - GARFIEEELD!! zzzz - Rise'n'shine, old buddy. Time to go jogging! - Where's Garfield? I think I'll let him sleep in.
ga780911 -- - - *@$*!! Leg cramps.
ga780912 -- Hmmmmm . SMACK! -
ga780913 -- purrrr - PURRR! - Have some lasagna, Garfield... purrr
ga780914 -- CRINKLE RUSTLE CRINKLE - - Garfield, get out of the trash.
ga780915 -- Darn bugs. buzzzzz - SWAT! SPLAT! - Thanks, I needed that.
ga780916 -- Cats make better pets. But you need a dog for protection. - - I hate to see a grown man cry.
ga780917 -- - - - - SLAM! - - - Veterinary Clinic Somehow they always know.
ga780918 -- bat bat - - FWIP FWIP FWIP - I hate mondays.
ga780919 -- Hey, Garfield. Meet Hondo the puppet. - Hi, Garfield. You're sure fat! Ha-ha-ha! -
ga780920 -- I hate summer. - The unbearable heat, sticky car seats, hay fever season and scorched lawns... - Not to mention curdled kitty munchies.
ga780921 -- Z - Snort, uh-oh! - Oh Ow Eep Ipp Ooh Aah Ooch
ga780922 -- - - Sunburned tummy.
ga780923 -- Oh boy, at last. College football season. - I would have played college football had it not been for my beliefs... - I don't believe in bleeding on saturday! How would you like to be unnecessarily roughed?
ga780924 -- I hate dogs. - Look at that poor mutt... - pant pant pant All buggy-eyed and pant-y and slobbery. It's just disgusting. - Heh, heh heh. - Here, Odie. Have a steak. pat pat - - pant pant pant
ga780925 -- FWID! - FLUFF FLUFF - Garfield! Time to eat! - I hate mondays.
ga780926 -- All dogs should be banned from our country... - They are noisy, silly, sloppy, rude... - And they're rusting our nation's fire hydrants.
ga780927 -- Tum, dee-dum, dee-dum. - PUNT! - If it weren't for my naturally sweet nature, I'd make life rough for that dog.
ga780928 -- bbbbb - BARK! - I'd hate to see that sucker's bite!
ga780929 -- Garfield - BARK! - If god had intended for dogs to bark, he would have given them roots and leaves.
ga780930 -- BIFF! - BOP! - SMACK! POKE! Garfield, one. Odie, one.
ga781001 -- Ahem...mee, mee, mee - MEEEYOWRRRRR - blink blink - SHADDUP, YOU STUPID CAT! - WING! - THOCK! - CHUNK! - Tom Seaver, eat your heart out.
ga781002 -- BOING! - rrrr - I hate mondays.
ga781003 -- I wonder if I should pick up anything for Garfield from the pet store. How about a scratching post? - Good idea. I'll get him one. - Bless you!
ga781004 -- Surprise, Garfield! Oh boy, a scratching post. - FWING! - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - It wasn't the living room drapes, but I'll give it a seven.
ga781005 -- YAWN - That floor sure looks cold this morning. - Better not risk it.
ga781006 -- I'm not getting out of the bed if the floor is cold. - It's freezing! - Good.
ga781007 -- zzzzz - BARK! - Now that I'm up...I might as well have breakfast.
ga781008 -- Good morning, Garfield. - Today we're going to learn to walk on a leash. - - - KABONKA BONKA BONKA - ROWRR! - I tell you, Thelma, this neighborhood is getting weirder by the minute.
ga781009 -- buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - zzzzzz - SPLOSH - I hate mondays.
ga781010 -- - - Ever thought of walking AROUND the furniture?
ga781011 -- - Oh well...I guess a cat is entitled to let down on his defenses once in his life. -
ga781012 -- water water water - pat pat pat - What's the use?
ga781013 -- Garfield! I'm back from the store. - We're having a cookout tonight. I got steak and corn and... - And you just ate the briquettes.
ga781014 -- - - Cats are nice to have when you're feeling lonely.
ga781015 -- - - - - - - BLINK! - I win again.
ga781016 -- - - I think I'll have Garfield declawed.
ga781017 -- Garfield, I'm going to have you declawed. - TAKE AN ARM! TAKE A LEG! BUT SPARE MY CLAWS. - You're going to be declawed and that's it. Now get your head out of the oven!
ga781018 -- I couldn't face life as a declawed person. So I'll just stick my head in this oven and end it all. - - Stupid electric stove.
ga781019 -- Jon's gonna have me declawed. - What a frightening thought... - Going through life unarmed.
ga781020 -- I took Garfield to the vet to be declawed. - They're removing his stitches next thursday. - Poor Garfield. Who's talking about Garfield?
ga781021 -- I'm sorry I tried to have you declawed, Garfield. - I love you just the way you are, claws and all. - someday, somehow, when you're least expecting it, I'm going to shred your bedroom suite.
ga781022 -- OHHH, GARFIELD! - AHA! - puff puff - GOT'CHA! - - - - GARFIELD! Come back here and take your vitamin pill!
ga781023 -- Hello, what's this? - A teddy bear. A dumb, stupid, silly-looking old teddy bear. - I think I'll call him "Pooky".
ga781024 -- - - I didn't see that. I didn't see that. I didn't see that. I didn't see that.
ga781025 -- - GET AWAY FROM MY FOOD, BEAR! - I just yelled at a teddy bear.
ga781026 -- Ho, Garfield. I will not kiss your teddy bear good night. - - SMACK
ga781027 -- Ahhh...nothing like a hot bath after a chilly day. - - GARFIELD! Wanna warm up, Pooky?
ga781028 -- Oh, boy! My bachelor magazine. -I wonder who the centerfold is: Elke? Farrah? - Almira, the amazon?
ga781029 -- It's that time of year again... - At Halloween, we cats become bewitched... - Our eyes turn blood red... - Our fangs grow... - And our hair stands up. - Not to mention longer claws. - - AAY! EEE! - That's right, doc. He screamed turned white,
ga781029 -- and passed out.
ga781030 -- Ah, here comes the mailman. - DRAT! -
ga781031 -- BARK! - ODIE! CUT THAT OUT! - Stick with me, kid. We'll go places.
ga781101 -- I hate november. - Lifeless trees, bleak afternoons, raw winds... - Icy sandboxes.
ga781102 -- KABOING! KABOING! KABOING! - KABOING! KABOING! KABOING! KABOING! - Food's fun!
ga781103 -- SCREEE! - Four ply, steel-belted, radial retread tenny pumps. - ZOOOOOM!
ga781104 -- - ZIP! - That hurt me more than it did him.
ga781105 -- GARFIELD!! - - Hmmmm. A little nippy outside today. - tap tap tap But I GOTTA get some exercise. - I can wait. - Might as well get over it. - And then again... - MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
ga781106 -- Some people have anxiety attacks. Some people have gas attacks. - I have nap attacks. - ZZZZZ
ga781107 -- NAP ATTACK! - FUMP! - I've heard of catnaps, but this is ridiculous. zzzz
ga781108 -- NAP ATTACK! - CRASH! - Whoever thought a nap attack could hurt?
ga781109 -- My tuna pate could use some salt. - Oops! Here comes another nap attack. - There you have it. Garfield's passion for food is only exceeded by his passion for sleep. zzzzzzzz
ga781110 -- Gee, I'd love to stay in bed all day, but I gotta eat sometime. - BUZZ SAW SAW SCRATCH SCRATCH CUT CUT BZZZ -
ga781111 -- Ohooh. I feel a nap attack coming on. - - Turtles have got it knocked.
ga781112 -- - - Why don't you boys go fight or something? - Him Jon! SLAM! Hi, Lyman. - I'm starved! What's to eat? Nothing, I'm eating the last of the food. -
ga781113 -- ZZZZZ SNORT! ZZZZ - MMMPH! - ARRRRRRRGH! Sleeping people are fun.
ga781114 -- I love lasagna! So do I. - GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - I love cats...I wanted a cat...so what do I do? I go to the pet store and ask for a cat. What do they give me? ...a lasagna with fur and fangs.
ga781115 -- Cats need a balanced diet. - Meat, eggs, fruit, bread, vegetables... - And an occasional boston fern for dessert.
ga781116 -- Oh no! Jon got a rocking chair! - As long as there is one rocking chair left in the world, no cat's tail is safe. - MY ROCKING CHAIR! Your kindling.
ga781117 -- Let's see...the piano, book shelves, bench, floor... - Nope, I think I'll go with the chest, chair, hassock, floor. -
ga781118 -- Hmmm...one canister is doggie biscuits and the other is kitty munchies, but I forget which is which. - WHAM! -
ga781119 -- MEYOWR! BARK! - ROWR! FFFT! ROWR! BARK! BARK! - Hold it down, you guys. - meyowr woof - ROWR! FFFT! ROWR! BARK! BARK! - ONE MORE SOUND OUT OF YOU TWO, AND YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE! - RING! Hello? BARK! ROWR!
ga781120 -- Ahhh, six A.M. - This is my favorite time of day. - For sleep.
ga781121 -- - - GARFIELD! He sure wakes up in a bad mood, doesn't he?
ga781122 -- I love scrambled eggs. - Especially on chilly mornings... - When my feet get cold.
ga781123 -- I'm basically your neat cat. - CRASH! - I like to keep my windowsill tidy.
ga781124 -- We cats are loners. - With one possible exception... - We can be very social when it comes to food.
ga781125 -- Okay, Garfield, just one bite of lasagna and that's it. - - It's amazing how much that cat can store in his cheeks.
ga781126 -- AHA! - To be sure you stay away from my pie, I'm going to put this bell around your neck. ding-a-ling a-ling a-ling - I should have thought of this long ago. ding-a-ling a-ling a-ling - Heh-heh, Garfield is in the bedroom now. ding-a-ling
ga781126 -- a-ling a-ling - He's going through the bathroom. ding-a-ling a-ling a-ling - Now he's coming down the hall into the living room. ding-a-ling a-ling - ding-a-ling a-ling a-ling - No ding-a-ling's going to keep me away from my pie.
ga781127 -- Oh, doe! sniff - I thig I hab a code. sniff - Loog...eben my thoughts are stuffed ub.
ga781128 -- sniff hack cough wheeze - - sniff hack cough wheeze
ga781129 -- hack sniff wheeze sniff - GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - Or is it: STARVE a cold, FEED a fever?
ga781130 -- ah ah ah ah - WAH-CHOO! - sniff Bless you.
ga781201 -- ah ah AH AH - WAH-CHOO! - sniff Bless you.
ga781202 -- I thig Garfield gabe me a code. sniff He what? - He gabe me a code! Pardon? - GABE ME A CODE! GABE ME A CODE!
ga781203 -- BRRR! - YAWN! - - - - - I know you're in there somewhere, Garfield! ...OUT!!! - Next time I'll leave a wake-up call at the desk.
ga781204 -- Do you know your cat's sitting on my meat loaf? - No, but if you hum a couple of bars I'll fake it. - This is going to be a long week.
ga781205 -- See you later, Garfield. I'm going to the grocery store. - - Very well, you may come along.
ga781206 -- Now, behave yourself in the grocery store, Garfield. - - I think I just turned a bull loose in a china shop.
ga781207 -- That's the last time I take you to the grocery store, Garfield. - I've never been so humiliated in all my life. - So I ate the pastry section, big deal.
ga781208 -- - Darn - That was too easy.
ga781209 -- When Odie comes by I'm going to round off that pointy head of his. - SLURP! - How can you win against someone who doesn't even know the rules of the game?
ga781210 -- - - - HERE, ODIE! - - Isn't it a little cold to take Odie foe a walk? NONSENSE! -
ga781211 -- Things To Do: 1. wash car 2. do laundry - - 3. and brush Garfield
ga781212 -- I own a cat. - And when you own a cat, eating a normal meal takes on an all-new perspective. - Knowing that somewhere in there is a cat hair with your name on it.
ga781213 -- I'm going to brush all your loose hair out, Garfield. - - I suspected as much.
ga781214 -- sweep sweep sweep sweep sweep - Garfield, what am I supposed to do with all these cat hairs?! Make yourself another cat. - I have the distinct feeling that I was just zinged.
ga781215 -- SMACK! Good night, Garfield. - POOEY! - Growing a beard? I ate a milk dud and kissed a cat.
ga781216 -- Dear Garfield, Help! I have cat hairs all over my home. What can I do to keep Fluffy from shedding? - Simple. - Give the little beggar a good coat of varnish.
ga781217 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch - Uh-oh - Just look what you've done to my chair! - You should be more considerate of other people's property. - Now I know it's natural for cats to sharpen their claws. - Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, and
ga781217 -- cats gotta claw, but do it outside, okay? Garfield? - - GARFIELD
ga781218 -- zzzzzz - YAWN! - What a heck of a way to wake up.
ga781219 -- - - - - - I know cats are fast, but THAT'S ridiculous.
ga781220 -- JON! COME QUICK! - Look! Garfield is actually playing with Odie! I know. It's cause I sprayed Odie with something. - With what? Essence of lasagna.
ga781221 -- You know, maybe there's more to life than just eating and sleeping...maybe I should be more considerate of other people's feelings, nicer to Odie and more generous. - - Nah.
ga781222 -- Scratching posts, Balls of yarn and rubber mousies are okay. - But when it comes to REALLY NEAT playthings... - Give me a Christmas tree!
ga781223 -- What would you like for Christmas, Garfield? 100 slave dogs. - I'll bet you'd like a nice, fluffy ball of yarn to play with. - I think I'll put a piranha in his Christmas stocking.
ga781224 -- - HO-HO-HO - WHUMP! - Let's see, gifts for Jon, Lyman and Odie. - Hmmm - Oh, yes, and Garfield. - How could I ever forget Garfield... - Only kid in the world to ask for 20 pounds of lasagna.
ga781225 -- This is my very first Christmas. - I hope you have a loved one to spend today with because I do. - It's you. Merry Christmas.
ga781226 -- Okay, Garfield. Go fetch! - * -
ga781227 -- Time to get up, Garfield. zzzz - GRRRRR - Now what do I do? zzzz
ga781228 -- - PUSH - CLONK! I'm not known for my compassion.
ga781229 -- I love Fridays. - The end of a long work week, the beginning of a weekend filled with relaxation, TV sports and parties. - Almost makes me wish I had a job.
ga781230 -- This year I resolve to be nicer to dogs. - - Maybe I'll cut down on lasagna instead.
ga781231 -- It's time to make a new year's resolution, Garfield. - I resolve to lose weight and start exercising this year. - - What am I saying? - I must be going waka-waka! - I'm NOT going to diet! ... I'm NOT going to exercise! - I'M FAT, I'M LAZY,
ga781231 -- AND I'M PROUD *OF* IT! - Where's Garfield? He ate the buffet and went to bed.
ga790101 -- POW! - -
ga790102 -- What would you like for breakfast, Garfield? A cup of coffee, a danish and the newspaper. - Have a warm bowl of milk. - You people don't give us cats any credit!
ga790103 -- Do you know why I don't like warm milk? - Try this...drink a bowl of warm milk. - Then, never brush your teeth again.
ga790104 -- Why is it all us cats are stereotyped? - "All cats love milk, hate dogs, love mice" etc., etc., etc. - Sometimes I get so mad I could just kick my Gucci scaring post.
ga790105 -- Do you know why you need me, Garfield? - I can sum it up in two words. - Quality companionship. Body heat.
ga790106 -- We cats are very independent. - We need nobody, no time no where, no way. - Isn't that right, Pooky?
ga790107 -- What, ho? - Oh, goody, a blueberry muffin. - ZIPPPPP - - scratch scratch scratch - KICK! - CRASH! - If pardon the expression, there's more than one way to skin a cat.
ga790108 -- Look what my mother made for you, Garfield. - There, how's that? It's nice and warm. - Disgusting, demeaning, itchy and abomination. But, nice and warm.
ga790109 -- Would you just look at this? Jon's making me wear a kitty sweater. - People dress their pets up because it makes them look like little people. Well, I'm NOT a little person, I'm a CAT. - For instance, I like a pinch of catnip in my morning
ga790109 -- cup of coffee.
ga790110 -- Here he comes. Say something nice. - Lookin' good, Garfield. - Sharp sweater, ol' buddy. - Sad. Looks like a meatball in traction.
ga790111 -- I was feeling pretty punk about having to wear a sweater... - Until I saw Odie's new outfit. -
ga790112 -- Uh-oh, it's starting to rain. - I'd better let Garfield in before he gets his new sweater wet. - Too late.
ga790113 -- snicker snicker - HARF! HARF! HARF! -
ga790114 -- When you own a cat, its hairs get everywhere. - Every time I eat, I find a cat hair in my food. Let me show you. - I know it's here something. - - - I CAN'T EAT 'TIL I FIND THAT HAIR! - Silly me. I forgot to put it in there.
ga790115 -- - Garfield, you shouldn't chase the mailman like that. - Now what would you do with him if you actually caught him? I'd eat him.
ga790116 -- Garfield, you know cats can't drink... - SLURP! ...coffee. - Fill 'er up! Well, I'll be dipped.
ga790117 -- - - It's amazing how we've grown to understand each other.
ga790118 -- Look, Garfield. A mouse! - EEEK! -
ga790119 -- Bachelorhood is okay, I guess. - But you just can't beat... - someone waiting for you when you get home.
ga790120 -- BARK! BARK! - ROWR! YAP! FFFT! - And they say pets are therapeutic.
ga790121 -- scratch scratch scratch - Uh-oh. FLEAS! - - - Alcohol should do the trick. - Much better. - puff puff - - FOOMP - There's something to be said for flea collars.
ga790122 -- Garfield, you sleep to much, you eat too much, and you watch too much television. - What does Jon expect of me, anyway? - I'm only human.
ga790123 -- Television can be habit forming. - I've been watching it all day. - Would you like me to turn the TV on, Garfield? That would be nice.
ga790124 -- We've gotta stop watching the all-night movies on television, Garfield. - But, of course, last night was an exception. - Who would possibly turn off the Ethen Barrymore film festival?
ga790125 -- BANG! BANG! EEEK! - SMACK! - Okay, okay. I'll change the channel. I don't like violence.
ga790126 -- I hate television. - There are too many commercials, reruns and game shows. - The eight hours I watched yesterday was terrible.
ga790127 -- Television is only so much mindless drivel... - Glossy adventures, sex and violence. - Ain't it great?
ga790128 -- YAWN! - smack smack smack - Oh my. - Just look at that gorgeous sunrise! - Mother nature certainly uses every color on her vast palette to paint a dawn. Truly blessed are we, the early risers. - Have you ever seen a more beautiful sunset,
ga790128 -- Garfield? - Hmmm...I must have overslept.
ga790129 -- Garfield, you are disgustingly, slovenly, sloppy fat. - Poor Jon. - He obviously has disgustingly, slovenly, sloppy fat confused with "big-boned".
ga790130 -- Brenda, meet Garfield. Hi, Garfield. - Is Garfield a pig? He's a cat. - Oh, that REALLY hurts.
ga790131 -- ahhh - CRASH! - Face it, Garfield. Windowsills just aren't built for us queen-sized felines.
ga790201 -- If you take one bite of my pie, Garfield, I'll smack your fat little paws. - - If I can't have it, neither can he.
ga790202 -- I'll bet you can't wait to see what kind of cat food you're having for dinner. I'll bet I can. - Here it comes... You can cut the tension with a knife. - LIVER! Oh, hooray, hop about, clap paws, squeal with glee.
ga790203 -- Now I wouldn't say you're fat, Garfield... - But when you sit around the sofa, you SIT AROUND the sofa. - KICK! Heads, he lives. Tails, he dies.
ga790204 -- - * - - - - - Let's see...iodine, band-aids, gauze, bullwhip, small straight-jacket, helmet, pan, shampoo, gloves, rinse, conditioner, blow dryer, brass knuckles, towel, rope, elbow pads... - Garfield's bath day? Garfield's bath day.
ga790205 -- I think I'll do some jogging. - Okay...GO, FEET! - Hmmm, reckon the little suckers just weren't in the mood.
ga790206 -- Garfield, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't read over my shoulder - - READ over my shoulder?
ga790207 -- Stay away from my chicken leg, Garfield. Aw, stuff it in your ear. mrow fft! - WHAT WAS THAT?! - Oh.
ga790208 -- Gee...I wonder which shirt goes better with my slacks. - Lyman, could you give me your opinion on something? Sure. - What can I do for you? Forget it. Beau Brummell lives.
ga790209 -- - - He's trying to tell me to turn the heat up.
ga790210 -- Guess what, Garfield? Somewhere on me is a kittie munchie for you. - - Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. munch munch munch
ga790211 -- NAB! - I'm going to give you a bath, Garfield. You and what army? - - - Okay...I give up. You can go. - SPLOOSH -
ga790212 -- I hate cold floors in the morning. - Nobody likes cold floors. - But we cats have to put twice as many feet on them.
ga790213 -- Pets are great to have on cold nights. - As long as you don't mind... - The crowded conditions.
ga790214 -- BARK! YIP! ROWR! FFFT! - GARFIELD! ODIE! Why don't you boys go outside to fight. - While I lie here and quietly bleed to death.
ga790215 -- * * *  - GARFIELD! Get off the piano! - Talk about stifling one's creative talents.
ga790216 -- There's one nice thing about being a cat at the dinner table. - - Everything you touch is yours.
ga790217 -- What's a six-letter word for "pain," Garfield? - ARRRGH!!! - Is that with three or four r's?
ga790218 -- scrub scrub scrub scrub - - - - CLICK! - GARFIELD! STOP! - It's below freezing out there.
ga790219 -- You say you want me to eat this hamburger, Pooky? - And this chicken? And this lasagna? - You gotta go a long way to find a teddy bear as good as old Pooky here.
ga790220 -- SMACK! - HEY YOU! Come back here and fight like a teddy bear! - What am I saying?
ga790221 -- Be honest, Pooky. Do you think I'm getting a little pudgy around the middle? - - Not a lot of personality, but he certainly knows when to keep his mouth shut.
ga790222 -- - - A dancing bear? Next time, I get to lead.
ga790223 -- Let's go for a walk, little fella. - SMACK! - Well, I'll be. Pooky doesn't like dogs either.
ga790224 -- Okay, who knocked my fern off the windowsill?! - - His lying to me isn't half so upsetting as the credit he's giving my intelligence.
ga790225 -- kaboing kaboing kaboing - purrr - Garfield - bat bat - ROWR! FFFT! - - scratch! scratch! scratch! - That should  hold you cat fans for a while.
ga790226 -- Stand aside, cat. I know karate! - - And I know fast and furious.
ga790227 -- - - Some days I'm just not in the mood to be adored.
ga790228 -- Woould puppy tat wike a bowl of milk? - Would funny wooking man wike a milk bath? - Never be condescending to a cat.
ga790301 -- - GARFIELD! Did you eat my chicken? - No, of course not. If you had, there would be some bones left.
ga790302 -- Be careful around this clock, Garfield. It's an old family heirloom. - CRASH! - One small push for a cat, one giant leap for good taste.
ga790303 -- Where were you, Garfield? I called you an hour ago for dinner. Uh-oh. - KLUNK! - You've got to get to cat food before it sets up.
ga790304 -- tie tie - tie tie tie - yank yank - LEAP! - SPROING! - Booga! Booga! - KLONK! - That was a lot of trouble but it was worth it.
ga790305 -- zzzz YAWN - zzzzz - What a heck of a way to start the week.
ga790306 -- The darn toaster isn't working again. I guess I'll have to fix it. - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - First, you have to get its attention.
ga790307 -- Breakfast is on, Garfield. - Carry me. - Sometimes I think I cater to Garfield too much.
ga790308 -- - That's called disco dancing, Garfield. Thank heavens. - For a minute there I thought he had a life carp in his jockey shorts.
ga790309 -- Garfield, that steely-eyed cowcat, roams into town. - He mounts his faithful steed, Odie. - All I need now is a sunset.
ga790310 -- - - Just when you think you've seen your cat do it all...
ga790311 -- buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - SPLOOSH - splutter splutter - FLOP! - ptooey! ptooey! ptooey! - wipe wipe - CRASH - If I act casual, maybe he won't notice.
ga790312 -- - SWISH! - The mouth is quicker than the hand.
ga790313 -- - KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! - Nobody home.
ga790314 -- - I suppose I should learn to like Odie. - But I just can't respect anyone who turns around three times to lie down.
ga790315 -- - Hmmm - Just as I suspected. There's a tiny sign in there saying, "Space For Rent".
ga790316 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - That's good enough. SCREEE POOMP! - Thanks for the exercise. PUNT!
ga790317 --- pat pat pat pat - You didn't see that.
ga790318 -- Hmmm, Jon's drawing board. Hmmm, some paper. Hmmm, some ink. - I think this world would be a nicer place in which to live: If countries could settle their differences without hurting anybody. If everyone smiled at even people they didn't
ga790318 -- know. - If nobody had to steal. I people laughed more. If everyone fed their cats all the lasagna they could eat. If we all took more pride in our homes and our neighborhoods. - If we respected our senior citizens more. If there were no
ga790318 -- violence in movies and television. If everyone could read and write. If families talked more. - If friends hugged more. If everyone stopped at least once a weak to stroke a cat. After all, we're all in this together. - Hey, Garfield. - What's
ga790318 -- this? Oh, just some paw prints.
ga790319 -- I'm going to teach you to do some tricks this week, Garfield. Over my dead body. - Sing for me, Garfield. MROWR! - VERY GOOD! There was a bone in my tuna pate.
ga790320 -- Garfield, go fetch my pipe, paper and slippers. Yes, sir. Right away, sir... - Where IS he? - GARFIELD! Okay, okay. As soon as I'm done with the financial section.
ga790321 -- Roll over, Garfield. You gotta be kidding. - If you roll over, I'll give you a double helping of lasagna. - WHIRRRRRR!
ga790322 -- Speak, Garfield, speak. - Why, of course, Jon. Is there any particular topic on which you'd like to converse? - B-B-B-B-B
ga790323 -- Sit up and beg for the kitty munchy, Garfield. - Tell you what. You give me the munchy and I'll let you keep your face. - I knew that we could arrive at a mutually acceptable compromise.
ga790324 -- Dance for me, Garfield. Not a chance. - If you won't, I'm sure Odie would be happy to. - You have to know what motivates a cat. This is demeaning.
ga790325 -- - - sigh - - Ho hum - - Ever had one of those days when you feel like you've slept and eaten it all?
ga790326 -- Ah, it's early morning for the caped avenger. Ring! - The caped avenger who searches out evil wherever it may lurk. - The late-morning evil, that is.
ga790327 -- The caped avenger sees food! - In order to fight evil, the caped avenger needs food for strength. - Lots and LOTS of strength!
ga790328 -- AHA! The caped avenger sees injustice. BONK! - - Beat it, brute. BOOT!
ga790329 -- The caped avenger sees a large evil person he must destroy in the name of good, because the caped avenger isn't a chicken. - - The caped avenger isn't stupid, either.
ga790330 -- The caped avenger will now fly down and destroy the evil mailman. - - SPLAT! - I think the caped avenger is starting to believe his own press releases.
ga790331 -- The caped avenger will now step outside to fight evil. - - The caped avenger will now step inside and announce his retirement.
ga790401 -- I'm so bored. - Hmmmm - ptu! twing! YIP! SPLOOSH! - BONK! - KICK! - Much better.
ga790402 -- Did you know most cats shed their winter coats in warm weather, Garfield? - FUMP! - Hmmm mus' be spring.
ga790403 -- Spring is here. - The warm spring sun is coaxing trees to bud and flowers to bloom. Fledging songbirds are testing their lilting voices. Soft spring zephyrs are wafting the sweet scent of lilacs. Spring is here. - Big, fat hairy deal.
ga790404 -- There's nothing like a little spring weather to make one feel lazy. - I'd better be careful. - If I were lazier, I could slip into a coma.
ga790405 -- I like spring. - The grass is back from its dormancy. The flowers are back from a long winter's rest. - And the birds are back from Miami.
ga790406 -- I just love to lie out in this warm spring sun. - Uh-oh. - I think I just melted.
ga790407 -- Ah, spring. In the spring a young man's fancy turns lightly to thoughts of love. - - And the street department puts a fresh coat of rust-resistant paint on the fire hydrants.
ga790408 -- click - I'm going to stare at this toaster until the toast pops up. - - - - - - A watched pot never boils, Garfield. Huh? pop - See? Drat...drat, drat, drat, drat.
ga790409 -- Move it, Garfield, I'm going to watch television. - -
ga790410 -- Boy, am I in a bad mood. *Good Morning, Garfield* - POKE! - If there's anything a depressed person hates, it's a cheerful person.
ga790411 -- Garfield's sure been in a nasty mood lately. We'll see about that. Do you know how to treat a mad cat? - - With great, great respect.
ga790412 -- - ROWR! FFFT! - I think I hurt myself.
ga790413 -- I know you've been in a nasty mood this week, Garfield. Many of us occasionally feel angry for no reason at all...psychologists all it a free-floating anxiety. - SPLAT! FREE-FLOAT THIS! - I wonder if this ever happened to Freud.
ga790414 -- Easy, boys. - WE LOVE YOU, GARFIELD! - Darn. That was the best deep blue funk I ever had going.
ga790415 -- scratch scratch scratch - scratch scratch scratch - pat pat pat - scratch scratch pat pat - scratch scratch pat pat -  scratch pat - BARK! YIP! ROWR! - I don't think I could take much more loving.
ga790416 -- Let's go check the mailbox, Garfield. - I love getting mail - It's just another reminder you're alive. That's a pretty heavy thought for a Monday.
ga790417 -- How about some boiled cabbage for lunch, Garfield. - SWIPE! - Or maybe some coleslaw. Now you're talking.
ga790418 -- ARF! ARF! ARF! - - YIP! Sad.
ga790419 -- 'ATTA BOY, GARFIELD! squeak! - GO GET 'IM! squeak! - Take five, little buddy. We'll make another pass in a few minutes. puff puff
ga790420 -- hee he - HA! HA! HA! HA! Poor Lyman. - He wouldn't be laughing so hard if he knew Odie just drank out of the toilet.
ga790421 -- Hmmm - -
ga790422 -- - - Hmmmm - Here, Odie. - - YIP! YIP! YIP! - - GARFIELD! GET OUT OF MY SOCK DRAWER!
ga790423 -- - CRASH! - It's amazing the fun you can have with a hoop.
ga790424 -- Gee, I'd almost forgotten how much fun it is to hang on the old screen door. - SLAM! - And I'd completely forgotten about the pain.
ga790425 -- Hmmm a whistle - - Must be broken.
ga790426 -- Claws are great. - They allow us cats to walk right up trees. - There's only one problem.
ga790427 -- - POP - They don't call me "Lightning Lips" for nothing.
ga790428 -- I just want you people to know how much we cats appreciate you. Without you, who would feed us? Who would love us? - And most important of all... - Who would change our kitty litter?
ga790429 -- GROWL - The cat craves fresh meat. - What-ho, the cat senses unsuspecting quarry o'er yon knoll. - Coiling like a spring, he prepares to lunge. - Steely sinews propel him toward his helpless prey. - Once again a cat's primal instincts provide
ga790429 -- sustenance.
ga790430 -- Boy, I', starved. I think I'll have sausage. hash browns and some eggs over easy. - Good morning, Garfield. Here's tuna and liver surprise! - The sausage and hash browns are delicious. But I do believe the eggs are a bit overdone.
ga790501 -- GASP! CHOKE! BRACK! COUGH! HACK! - FLOP! - Can the melodramatics, Garfield, and finish your liver.
ga790502 -- BURP! - That was rude and crude, Garfield. Cats are more sophisticated than to submit to belching at the dinner table. - BRAACK!
ga790503 -- Tell me what you think of my new poem, Garfield. - "MY BUDDY" I have a buddy. My buddy's a toad. He's kind of muddy, he's flat on the road. But, he is my buddy, my buddy to stay, 'til he's peeled up and sailed away. - Garfield?
ga790504 -- - Uh-oh, here comes Jon! -
ga790505 -- Are you hungry, Odie? - Here, have some celery and tomatoes and radishes. - GARFIELD!
ga790506 -- PURRRR - PURRR - tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - - scratch! scratch! scratch! scratch! - - Good morning, sunshine. Welcome to another glorious, fun-filled day with your favorite pet! - I'm so happy to own a cat, I could just
ga790506 -- throw up.
ga790507 -- Hey, Lyman. Where's my bread knife? - SLASH! - Never mind.
ga790508 -- This is too good to be true. - BOING! - That WAS too good to be true.
ga790509 -- GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - With all respect to Will Rogers. - I never met a lasagna I didn't like.
ga790510 -- CRASH! - Uh-oh! Here comes Jon. -
ga790511 -- Hello, Julie? How about a movie tonight? Oh, I see. Okay, goodbye. - Darn, she said she was just walking out the door to visit her brother in Tokyo. - That's what I call bad timing. - That's called getting shot out of the saddle, you turkey.
ga790512 -- Garfield, you're getting too fat. - I am NOT getting too fat. - I'm just ready for the next size kitty bed, that's all.
ga790513 -- Eat up, ol' buddy. - Hmmmm - THIS CAT FOOD IS MADE OF: Dried whey, sodium caseinate, isolated soy protein, calcium carbonate, phosphoric acid, dicacium phosphate, corn glutein meal, wheat germ meal, brewer's dries yeast, iodized salt, ground
ga790513 -- wheat, ground corn, soybean meal, poultry by-product meal, animal fat preserved with BHA, wheat germ meal, choline chloride, citric acid, onion powder, thiamin, para aminobenzoic acid, riboflavin supplement, menadione sodium bisulfite,
ga790513 -- calcium pantothenate. - Niacin, iron sulfate, magnesium sulfate, manganese sulfate, manganous oxide, zinc oxide, copper oxide, cobalt carbonate. - YOU WON'T GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY! - NOW what did I do?
ga790514 -- Boy, what a great meal. - Uh-oh! -
ga790515 -- It was bound to happen. My stomach finally outgrew my legs. - Worse things could happen, I guess. - Like this, for instance.
ga790516 -- Well, you've finally done it, Garfield. Your belly's bigger than your legs. Now what are you going to do? - I'll show you what I'm going to do. - If you'll just roll me over to that lasagna there.
ga790517 -- You're going to have to exercise that belly off, Garfield. - Tell you what. I'll get a leash and take you for a brisk morning drag. - If he had a brain, I'd say he was trying to make a funny.
ga790518 -- * - - boing boing boing
ga790519 -- At last! My feet can touch the floor once more. Never again will I allow myself to get that fat. - And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.
ga790520 -- - - RIDE 'EM, COWCAT! - - BONK! - OH, NO! Odie's hurt his leg! What'll I do? Shoot him.
ga790521 -- I think it's time we take Garfield and Odie out for something to do. - Why do you say that? - They're taking turns on the record player again.
ga790522 -- Cats can be very curious. - SPLOOCH! - Cats can also be very stupid.
ga790523 -- Did I ever tell you about my uncle Harry? He was a famous mouser at a glass plant in Gas City, Indiana. - Legend has it that uncle Harry chased a mouse fight into tank #2 - Now he's a paperweight in Bayonne, New Jersey.
ga790524 -- GRAB! - BONK! - Smooth, move, ol' buddy. have you no respect for the dead?
ga790525 -- Hello, Carolyn? Hey, now about taking in a movie tonight? Uh...oh sure, I understand. - She said she would love to have gone out with me tonight. click - But she had to stay home and pluck her eyebrows. Subtle.
ga790526 -- The darn lawn mower won't work. Let me try. - - brrr! If I could package that look, I'd make a million.
ga790527 -- DING DONG tug tug - Good evening, Felicia, my dear. Dinner awaits. - A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou (heh-heh) Oh, brother. - - WAHCHOO! - I'm allergic for cats! Either he goes or I go. SNIFF! - POOMP! - Gee, and she was cute, too.
ga790527 -- Salud.
ga790528 -- Oh, goody. It's Monday morning. BRING! - I love Monday mornings. You know why? - Because *I* don't have to go to work.
ga790529 -- Ah, six A.M. Time to rise and shine. BRING! - First, a light breakfast of juice and toast, then some jogging. - HA-HA-HA! That was a good one.
ga790530 -- Z - Z smack smack - Oh my gosh! I slept through today's strip!
ga790531 -- There's only one drawback to spending a week in bed... - SNIFF! - This blanket is starting to develop a personality all its own.
ga790601 -- Garfield, you've been in bed all week. Why, you could starve to death. - Oh. - I should have guessed as much.
ga790602 -- Get out of bed this minute, Garfield. - - Good boy! Darn leg cramps.
ga790603 -- - PTOOEY! - - PTOOEY! - - PTOOEY! - Okay, Garfield. Now give me some high lobs.
ga790604 -- Have a package of crackers, Garfield. - RUSTLE CRACKLE CRINKLE - They were terrible. Next time try taking them out of the wrapper.
ga790605 -- Why the droopy demeanor today, Garfield? - KONK! - Never say "droop" to a fat person.
ga790606 -- Hey, Lyman. What do you think of my new tennis racket? - What's it strung with? Catgut. - Aunt Reba!
ga790607 -- That's the trouble with warm weather. - You can't keep ice cubes in your drink. -
ga790608 -- Touch my pie and you die. - touch - ZOOM!!! ALWAYS RIDING THE RAGGED EDGE OF DISASTER, AREN'T YOU, GARFIELD?!
ga790609 -- Waitress, this potato is bad. - BAD POTATO! BAD POTATO! smack! smack! smack! - Sir, if that potato gives you any more trouble, you just let me know. There goes her tip.
ga790610 -- It's only noon, Garfield. Why don't you sleep in today, you deserve the rest. - Hey, Garfield! Let's have some fun! I'll hold Odie down and you beat him up. - How about some exercise, Garfield? Why don't you scratch up my favorite new chair
ga790610 -- here? - Don't worry about knocking the plants off the shelf today, Garfield. We'll do it for you. crash! crash! - I baked tons of lasagna for you ol' buddy. EAT! EAT! - POOF! - What a depressing dream. For a moment there I thought all the fun
ga790610 -- had gone out of my life.
ga790611 -- Come on, Garfield. Let's go camping. Not in your life. - Gee, and I'd packed lots of lasagna, too. - Since you put it that way, I reckon there's a trail or two out there that could stand a little blazing.
ga790612 -- Well, here we are in the great outdoors, Garfield. - Ah, wilderness. - Just us, the sky, and the trees. Where's the TV?
ga790613 -- Well, Garfield. - What do you think of camping so far? I don't know. - I've never been this far from the sandbox before.
ga790614 -- Why the long face, Garfield? - Look who I brought. POOKY! - Camping is more fun with a good friend.
ga790615 -- - What's that? - Must be a porcupine.
ga790616 -- GARFIELD! You're covered with porcupine quills! - That must be very painful. I can handle it. - ARRRRRGH!
ga790617 -- screw screw screw - Look, Garfield! I made a kitty door for you. - - swing - SMACK! - SMASH! - A clear-cut case of self-defense if I ever saw one.
ga790618 -- What would you like for your new birthday, Garfield? Another scratching post. - How about a nice rubber mousie? - Or maybe another scratching post. How'd you guess?
ga790619 -- Happy first birthday, Garfield! Make a wish and blow out the candle. - FOOF! - Oh gee. That's too bad. Not really. I got my wish.
ga790620 -- Have a sausage. - - One at a time, Garfield, one at a time.
ga790621 -- Here's to gluttony! - GULP! - Hello? Overeaters anonymous?
ga790622 -- Hello, Valette? Hey, how about meeting me somewhere tonight, sweets? - You'll mee me when WHAT freezes over? - I can take a hint! Only if it's applied with a sledgehammer.
ga790623 -- Do you know why I don't chase birds? Well, I'll tell you. - My uncle Hubert once caught a 30-pound canary in Chicago. - They last spotted him over Dallas, Texas.
ga790624 -- How about a snack, Garfield? - Here's some liver left from dinner. Blech! - It's good. Really. Watch me. - M-m-m-m nummy nummy nummy Oh, very well. - - A MOUSE! GET IT! - GARFIELD, WHY CAN'T YOU CHASE MICE LIKE OTHER CATS? - If Jon eats one
ga790624 -- first, I'll consider it.
ga790625 -- I'm going to take you to the vet for a checkup, Garfield. OH-NO! - My uncle Barney went to the vet once. - He came back as my aunt Bernice.
ga790626 -- The doctor will see your cat in a moment. - Who's next, please? - I think I just died and went to heaven. I think I just died. I think I just died.
ga790627 -- By the way there, doc, what's your name? Liz. - Gee, what a pretty name. Is that short for Elizabeth? No. It's short for Lizard. - Liz must not be much for small talk.
ga790628 -- I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other, doc. Garfield gets sick a lot. Don't you, Garfield? - Don't you, Garfield? - kachew kachew
ga790629 -- Well, Mr. Arbuckle, your cat's basically in good health. - But you'll have to take better care of him. Listen to the doctor, Jon. - He's too fat. Close your ears, boy! The woman's some kind of a quack!
ga790630 -- Tell me, Liz, haven't we met somewhere before? A rice paddy in Hong Kong? - Look, jerk. I'll be the vet for your cat, but I won't play fall guy for your stupid lines. Understood? Uh-huh. - So long, doctor. Have a nice day.
ga790701 -- BARK! - - POW! POW! - CRACK! - CRASH! - GRRRR - - They don't tell you about these things in the pet magazines.
ga790702 -- You're too fat, Garfield. - Why, I'll bet you haven't seen your feet in years. -  I have feet?
ga790703 -- CRUNCH - I think it's time to put you on another diet, Garfield. - Whatever gave him that idea?
ga790704 -- I'm starting your diet, Garfield. - How would you like this head of cabbage prepared? Deep-fry that sucker. - Boiled it is. What we have here is a failure to communicate.
ga790705 -- Hmmm, diet candy. - Not bad. - A couple more boxes of those things and I'll be skinnier than a rail.
ga790706 -- This diet I'm on has sure made me weak. - PUNT! - * - Drat, he usually clears the piano.
ga790707 -- I wonder what I'd look like skinny? - - GARFIELD! YOUR DIET! My vanity.
ga790708 -- FOOD! - That's this? - I appears to be of the crescent roll family. - A true gourmet never shies away from a new taste treat. - (smack) A bit dry, but palatable. - Garfield, have you seen my sweat socks?
ga790709 -- Cats are the world's greatest tree climbers. - There's only one tiny problem... - Cats are also the world's worst tree climber downers.
ga790710 -- I've made up my mind. The only way out of this tree is to jump. I may break every bone in my body, but here goes. - - There again...
ga790711 -- Catch the rope, Garfield! - Now tie it around your waist and I'll pull you down. HA-HA-HA! - I'll get Jon for that.
ga790712 -- I've come to rescue you, Garfield. - Uh-oh. - Well, this is just ducky.
ga790713 -- There's only one way out of this tree, Garfield.  - We'll have to jump. - Gee, I'd love to but I simply haven't a thing to wear to our funeral.
ga790714 -- Either we jump, or we'll starve up here, Garfield. I'm with you. - GERONIMO!! -
ga790715 -- Ahem...me, me, meee - MEYOWRRR - BONK - I wonder if this is how Enrico Caruso got his start. - MEYOWRRRR - CLOBBER!! - clink clink clank - MEYOWRR bink
ga790716 -- ZOOM! - Why, oh why, oh why, oh why, do cats do these things?
ga790717 -- I'm getting out of this tree if it kills me - - POOMP! - Gee, that didn't hurt at all.
ga790718 -- What are you doing with the ice pick, Garfield? - stab stab stab stab stab - The only way to eat peas. Oh.
ga790719 -- Well, hello there, good-looking. - Say, what're you doing tonight? - How about coming to my place for dinner?
ga790720 -- Say, how about popping over to my place for a late-night snack? - Ha-ha-ha. You needn't be afraid of little ol' me. - If you like, you can bring a friend and we'll have dessert, too.
ga790721 -- I'm sorry. We don't serve cats here. - - What will you and your dog have, sir?
ga790722 -- GO GET 'IM, GARFIELD! - - Opps! SQUEAK! - Everyone stand back! Give him some air! - Artificial respiration might help. - Okay, go, boy! - Phew! For a minute there I thought I was out of a job.
ga790723 -- Come on, Garfield. Let's go see your vet. - She sure is cute. - Why is every time HE gets a hot flash, I have to go to the doctor?
ga790724 -- How about a date, doc? I'd sooner die. - Well don't do *that*. - Nothing like a snappy comeback to save face.
ga790725 -- How about a date, sweetheart? - That's *doctor' to you. - Okay, how about a date, *doctor' sweetheart?
ga790726 -- Tell me, doc. - Do you make house calls? - It's not the veterinary medicine I mind. It's some of the animals I have to work with.
ga790727 -- - Tell me, doctor, what do you suggest for an animal who's madly in love? - I usually prescribe neutering.
ga790728 -- We'll make an appointment for Garfield's next checkup in about six months. - What if there's an emergency? Then you can call me day or night. - Come on, Garfield. Let's go home and play in traffic. That's not funny.
ga790729 -- - CRASH! - SMASH! - leap! - SPLAT! Take that!
ga790730 -- - ZOOM! - How do they know when it's bath day?
ga790731 -- BATH TIME! - chuckle chuckle - Okay, who put oatmeal in the soapbox? Well, sprinkle me with brown sugar and call me for breakfast.
ga790801 -- Why can't you be like other cats, Garfield? - Let me explain the basic differences between humans and cats. - Well, make it snappy. I have a tennis lesson in half an hour.
ga790802 -- Time for a midnight snack. - crinkle -
ga790803 -- boing boing boing - BOING BOING BOING - BOING BOING Help!
ga790804 -- For staying out of my food today, Garfield, I'm going to reward you with a kitty munchie. - - They're gone. I already rewarded myself.
ga790805 -- - - - - What say I switch over the movie, gang? - Nah. Grrr. Ffft. -
ga790806 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: The very first cat crawled out of the sea about ten million years ago. - Fortunately for him... - It was only about another 15 minutes before the first mouse crawled out.
ga790807 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: The first cat was domesticated about a million  years ago. The cat (named "Org") was owned by a cave man named "Chuck" - While rumor has it that Org ate his owner... - Historians maintain the family dog ate Chuck.
ga790808 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: During the dark ages of the legendary ratter "Fluffy-The-Fierce" destroyed every rat but one... - O'l Fluffy got his clock cleaned by the even more legendary "Mat-The-Rat" dribble dribble dribble - Incidentally, it
ga790808 -- was Matt-The-Rat who coined the term "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty".
ga790809 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: Marco Polo had a cat named Rolo. - Rolo would have gone with Marco on his trip to the orient... - But motels wouldn't accept pets then.
ga790810 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: A cat discovered America! - It was Christopher Columbus' cat "Buckeye" who first spotted the beach. - Primarily because the Santa Maria didn't have a sandbox.
ga790811 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF CATS: Cat's penchant for sharpening their claws has served many historic purposes: In Victorian times cats were used to antique furniture. rrrrrrr - During the Spanish-American war, cats were used as interrogators. I'll
ga790811 -- talk! I'll talk! - And today, the post office uses cats to sort mail marked "fragile".
ga790812 -- Boy, it's hot! - chirp chirp wheee! - - Out, birds, out, out, out. - - - SHARKS! -
ga790813 -- OH, GARFIELD! COME AND... - ZOOM! - Get it.
ga790814 -- Hmmm a doggie biscuit. - What a disappointment. - That doesn't taste at all like doggie.
ga790815 -- One thing I admire in cats is their natural grace. - SMACK! - And then there's Garfield.
ga790816 -- Hmm - -
ga790817 -- Yesterday I stuffed Odie's nose in his mouth. - You should have seen him... - Running around in little circles going "Mark! Mark! Mark!"
ga790818 -- Oh boy, what a night. I ate too much, I drank too much, and I danced half the night. - You're lucky you're a cat, Garfield. You don't have to put up with all that. - RUB IT IN, WHY DON'T YOU?!
ga790819 -- YAWN! yawn! - LA LA LA mrow - - - - stroke stroke stroke - Come on, Garfield, let's go jogging. Have a good time.
ga790820 -- Have you ever thought about meeting some nice girl cat and settling down, Garfield? Not really. - We boy cats cherish our bachelorhood. - Why, I come from a long line of bachelors.
ga790821 -- - -
ga790822 -- Oh, by the way, Garfield. - CRASH! - I waxed the TV today.
ga790823 -- Hey, Garfield, how would you like to go jogging? How would you like me to shred your shorts? - Some nerve. - Show me a jogger and I'll show you a strange person with a thing for pain.
ga790824 -- - - You win. You were uglier to begin with.
ga790825 -- I'm never taking you golfing again, Garfield. Big deal. - I've never been so embarrassed. - I can't believe what you did at the seventeenth green. Sand trap, sandbox, what's the difference?
ga790826 -- We're going for a walk, Garfield. I HATE leashes. - Heh, heh, taking your pet for a stroll through the park is a great way to meet chicks. grrr ffft - ROWRR! - What kind of a JERK would walk his cat on a leash? rowr! - rowr! ffft! yip! yip!
ga790826 -- yip! - Back to the drawing board.
ga790827 -- Say, you look like you want to go jogging this morning, Garfield. You are wrong, sweat sock breath. - Jogging is fine for some people, I suppose... - But I've never been that crazy about the dry heaves.
ga790828 -- KERCHUNK! - A new world's record. - When was the last time you stuck 44 keys on a typewriter?
ga790829 -- - Oh, great. - Garfield ate my toothpaste again.
ga790830 -- I just LOVE to court danger. - SPLOOSH! - Yipeee, ha-ha, wheee.
ga790831 -- This is my pet ant, Lyle. He's cute, quiet, and industrious. - SPLAT! - The "late" Lyle was also eyeballing my lasagna.
ga790901 -- - What?! Where?! - He did it again.
ga790902 -- Oh, Garfield. - We're going on a trip, Garfield. So just hop into your new kitty carrier here. - OH-NO! - Not THE BOX!!! - - Let me put it to you this way. Before we go on the the trip, one of us is going to have to get into this kitty
ga790902 -- carrier. Well, why didn't you say so? - SCUFFLE SCUFFLE STRUGGLE GRAB! STUFF STUFF
ga790903 -- Guess what, Garfield? While mom and dad're on a week's vacation, we're going to baby-sit for their kitten. - Meet Nermal. - Wake me in a week.
ga790904 -- I gotta spend a week wet-nursing Nermal, here...he's cute. - And I hate "cute". - Don't knock it, jack, I make a killing posing for greeting cards.
ga790905 -- Okay, Nermal. There's a dog. ...KILL! - - Oh, Nermal, Nermal, Nermal, Nermal.
ga790906 -- CRUD! - Nermal shed all over my food. - I can't stand cat hairs unless they're my own.
ga790907 -- - Take those roller skates off, Garfield. You look ridiculous. -
ga790908 -- Nermal's leaving now. Wave bye-bye, Garfield. - I kind of liked the little feller. - The way I like intestinal flu.
ga790909 -- - SPLOOSH! - OH-NO! A vicious undertow is dragging me out to sea! - I'M TOO YOUNG TO GO! - I can see the headlines now..."WORLD FAMOUS CAT LOST AT SEA. MILLIONS OF BEAUTIFUL GIRL CATS GRIEF-STRICKEN!" - I can't make it! I'm going down for the
ga790909 -- third time! - I'd save you, Garfield. But I'm not about to give a cat mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
ga790910 -- YAWN - Oh, this looks like a nice place to sleep. - If you don't mind, Garfield...
ga790911 -- SACK! PILLAGE! MAIN! DESTROY! - BONK! - Whimper, limp, cry, hurt, moan...
ga790912 -- It's time to put your leash on for a nice walk. - Oh, come on, Garfield. It's not that bad. -
ga790913 -- I know you don't like your leash, Garfield, but people are staring. - So cut that out. -
ga790914 -- Odie, you know better than that. - Do you know what I appreciate about you most, Garfield? - I'm housebroken. You're housebroken.
ga790915 -- Some people say pets are not clean. - That may be so. - But try eating your next meal without your hands and see how well YOU fare.
ga790916 -- - SMACK MUNCH SLURP - CLICK! - ZZZ - zzz - I didn't know cats could eat in their sleep. - But I DO KNOW they can't sharpen their claws in their sleep. I shouldn't have pushed it.
ga790917 -- Attention, America! I am hereby declaring this week NATIONAL FAT WEEK. - This is the week for all you fat people to come out of the closet. - Those of you who could get into one, that is.
ga790918 -- This is National Fat Week. I want to hear all you fat people say, "I'm fat, and I'm proud of it!" - LOUSER! "I'M FAT, AND I'M PROUD OF IT!" - You...the pudgy one in Seattle, I didn't hear you.
ga790919 -- Here's a National Fat Week handy fat tip. - "Don't exercise." You'll be happier. - Have you ever seen a jogger laugh?
ga790920 -- Here's a National Fat Week skinny joke. - How many skinny people does it take to fill a shower? - I don't know. They keep slipping down the drain.
ga790921 -- Here's the National Fat Week "weight-height chart". - According to this, if you weigh 200 pounds, you should be 6'4". - That means if you're under 6'4" you're not overweight, you're undertall.
ga790922 -- Well, fat brothers and sisters, this is the last day of National Fat Week. - Just remember "Round is Beautiful". - Now get out there and eat a chicken franchise.
ga790923 -- CARTOONIST'S NOTE: Today's Garfield strip is to be read only by fat people, or people with fat tendencies, you skinny ones can read the other strips, or jog, or drink a glass of water, or whatever it is skinny people do. ...I wouldn't know. -
ga790923 -- I am hereby declaring this coming week "NATIONAL FAT WEEK". - OUT OF THE CLOSET, YOU FATTIES! - This week we're going to eat without guilt. - Remember our slogan: "If it's not deep-fried, it's not worth eating." - We'll boycott carrots and
ga790923 -- tell skinny jokes. - I would have had a national convention. - But I couldn't get the Kansas City stockyards to cater it.
ga790924 -- Be careful there, Garfield. - Hanging on the drapes can be very painful. - 'CAUSE I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR LEGS IF YOU DON'T GET OFF THEM THIS INSTANT!
ga790925 -- GASP! CHOKE! WHEEZE! - Oh no you don't, Garfield. - So much for the old !play-sick-and-grab-the-chicken-when-your-owner-calls-the-vet" routine.
ga790926 -- GARFIELD! BREAKFAST! - BONK! - I did it again. I got up before I woke up.
ga790927 -- wag wag wag - STOMP! - WAG WAG WAG
ga790928 -- - MEYOW - Let me guess, you were in the pickled herring again.
ga790929 -- Eat up, Garfield. Meyow. - It says here this is a "new improved" cat food. munch munch - MEYOW!
ga790930 -- - - - - - Oh, darn! - Jon's flower garden got a little over-frolicked.
ga791001 -- We're going to see your veterinarian today, Garfield. - She's one cute chicky-boo. I'd marry her in a second. - It's comforting to know the high values placed on the sacred institution of marriage are still with us today. In a half-second!
ga791002 -- - That Liz is sure a great looking hunk of veterinarian. - She has the one quality I desire most in a woman. She's breathing.
ga791003 -- Be right with you, Mr. Arbuckle. - I'll be here with bells on, doctor. That makes for an interesting mental picture. - Why does she always put me down? You're so putdownable.
ga791004 -- How about going out with me, doctor? I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth. - - Then how about sometime after that? That's a good one.
ga791005 -- Why won't you go out with me, doctor? Because I hate your guts. - - Does this mean marriage is out of question? Don Quixote strikes again.
ga791006 -- How about a date, doc? No way. - Mmmm - Great! See you at eight. If you can't convice'm, confuse'm.
ga791007 -- Caution - Hmmm, wet cement. - SPLUT! OOPS! - - - BARK! BARK! slurp - Lassie would have gone for help.
ga791008 -- I suppose you want to know how my date went with Liz, the vet...well, don't ask. I won't. - She didn't show. Old Jon just stood up. I don't want to hear about it. - You know, Garfield. I like you better than people. Tell me more.
ga791009 -- munch munch munch - SMACK! SLURP! GOBBLE! -
ga791010 -- My aunt Evelyn is the neatest cat I know. - She plucked all the hair off her body so she wouldn't shed on the furniture. - Now she's living with a family in L.A. that thinks she's a Chihuahua.
ga791011 -- YIP! YIP! YIP! - YIP! YIP! YIP! - For the last time, Odie, YOU chase the TAIL.
ga791012 -- Garfield, must you do everything I do? - That wasn't very nice. - After all, cats are just little people with fur and fangs.
ga791013 -- - SHOOP! fwip fwip fwip fwip fwip fwip - A Venetian tongue.
ga791014 -- WAKE UP, SLEEPYHEAD! - We're having breakfast on the patio this morning. - Because I want to share this beautiful sunrise with you. - Where else can you find a living, breathing work of art created just for you ? fresh with the promise of a
ga791014 -- bright new day. - Have you ever seen a more glorious sight, Garfield? ...uh, Garfield? - Get the face out of the scrambled eggs, Garfield.
ga791015 -- Bath time, Garfield. - SQUIP! - LARD
ga791016 -- GOTCHA! - BATH TIME! SPLOOSH" - Now where could Pooky be?
ga791017 -- - - CATS!
ga791018 -- - ZIP!! - Foul! Foul! No fair! Foul!
ga791019 -- Mornin'. Good morning, Irma. - The coffee's strong, Hon, You'd better get it before it gets you. Is it hot? - Yup. This isn't one of your better diners.
ga791020 -- My, you look nice today, Irma. Are you kidding? - When I come to work I wear base and lipstick and that's it, Hon. I don't put on eyes unless I have a hot date. You know what I mean? - I didn't even shave my legs. This definitely isn't one of
ga791020 -- your better diners.
ga791021 -- - Boy, am I bored. - Bored, bored, bored, bored. - - ARGHHH! - I feel better already.
ga791022 -- - SMACK! - I hate patio doors.
ga791023 -- - Hey, Garfield, where's Odie? He's easy enough to find. - Just follow the slobber.
ga791024 -- - Ingredient: gunk - I suspected as much.
ga791025 -- - For the last time, NO, Garfield. - What's the problem? - He wants to see a wine list.
ga791026 -- You may have the leftovers when I'm through, Garfield. - KONG! - You don't have to be patient when you're as big as I am.
ga791027 -- Are you still having breakfast? - You've spent an hour eating your cereal. - You know I don't like raisins.
ga791028 -- - slit! - - munch smack slurp - ptooey! - burp - - Garfield went to so much trouble I hated to spoil it for him.
ga791029 -- Good boy, Garfield. Give me the paper. - Either I get breakfast or you'll never see this paper alive again. - WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A STRING ATTACHED?! Nothing's free, pal.
ga791030 -- - FLIP! - I can take a hint.
ga791031 -- I have something for that appetite of yours, Garfield. - Close your eyes and open your mouth. -
ga791101 -- Here's a handy hint for you bachelors out there. - You can keep your laundry detergent dry. - By sealing it in a cookie jar.
ga791102 -- Let's go see the vet, Garfield. - - I have a ten o'clock appointment.
ga791103 -- Veterinary Clinic - Here, Petey. Here, Petey. Where are you? - BURP!
ga791104 -- munch munch munch - Whew! I couldn't eat another bite. - - rrrr - - rowr - - rrr - -
ga791105 -- Pack your bags, Garfield, We're going on vacation. - Good idea. - I could use the rest.
ga791106 -- We have a long way to go, Garfield. - I wish you enjoyed riding in a car more. - You're too tense.
ga791107 -- I'd like a room for the night. - Any pets? Nope. -
ga791108 -- - Look at that, Garfield, What do you... - ...uh, think.
ga791109 -- When I think of sand, I think of sun, surf and getting a good tan. - What do you think of when you think of sand, Garfield? - On second thought, scratch that question.
ga791110 -- Fred's Fresh Fish - Fred's Fresh Fish -
ga791111 -- POKE! - GRRRRRR - CHOKE! GASP! - KICK! - - KONG!
ga791112 -- - RAIN (ran) n. 1. water falling to earth in drops - 2. a mild depressant
ga791113 -- zzzz - SCREECH! - Chasing cars again, Garfield?
ga791114 -- Why are we placed on this earth? What is our purpose? What is our mission in life? - - Thank you so much for your prompt reply.
ga791115 -- - - Nice try, hot shot.
ga791116 -- How's your coffee, hon? It's a bit strong. - SAY IT'S NOT SO! SAY IT'S NOT SO! I COULD JUST SHOOT MYSELF! - You usually don't find one that dedicated. It's her life.
ga791117 -- I hate it when Garfield falls asleep in my lap. zzz - He snuggles up. zzz - And digs in. zzz
ga791118 -- - - boing! boing! - - munch munch munch - CLOBBER! - Love is a fickle thing.
ga791119 -- ah-ah-ah - AHCHOOO! - sniff
ga791120 -- Scratch the sofa all you like, Garfield. - Reverse psychology. - Reverse reverse psychology.
ga791121 -- It's time you started taking vitamins, Garfield. No way, pal. My body's a temple. - I put them in this lasagna. - Even a temple needs his vitamin C.
ga791122 -- Doesn't it bother you that your cat is always underfoot? - Not at all. Garfield is very fond of me. - We're inseparable, aren't we, Garfield? You're standing on my tail.
ga791123 -- I often wonder what goes on in that complex mind of yours, Garfield. bzzzzzzzzzzzzz - Wouldn't it be wonderful if humans and animals could communicate? smack! - What would you say to me if you could talk right now? I just killed a fly
ga791123 -- somewhere on your raisin toast.
ga791124 -- That's a nasty cold you have there, Garfield. SNIFF - We'll take you to the vet and get you fixed right up. - Never say "fixed" to an animal person.
ga791125 -- There's nothing like a brisk morning jog in thermal underwear. - Hmmm, a thread. - - - - SLAM - Very funny, Garfield.
ga791126 -- Get off the ceiling, Garfield. - Get out of the glove compartment, Garfield. - Get back in the glove compartment, Garfield.
ga791127 -- - - Get your face off the windshield, Garfield.
ga791128 -- What is it, Garfield? What are you trying to tell me? - Oh. - You're carsick, you say.
ga791129 -- - - Stop playing with the power seat, Garfield.
ga791130 -- Dinner's on, Garfield. We have lasagna and chicken and mashed potatoes. - Let's see, I think I'll have... - A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
ga791201 -- Well, Garfield, that's the last time the Hamiltons ever ask us over. - I hope you learned a lesson from this evening. I sure did. - Never sharpen your claws on a water bed.
ga791202 -- - Have you ever noticed how much some people look like their pets, Garfield? - Hee hee Hee - HA-HA-HA ha - -
ga791203 -- Guess who's come to visit us this week, Garfield? - NERMAL! The world's cutest kitten. - You're testing me, aren't you?!
ga791204 -- How cute! - -
ga791205 -- How cute! hop hop hop - BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! - Somehow, Garfield, your grasp of "cute" is a little shaky.
ga791206 -- scratch! scratch! scratch! scratch! - There's one nice thing about having another cat around the house. - NERMAL!
ga791207 -- I'm tired of competing with that Nermal. I think I'll give him a good pounding today. - Where is that little fuzzball= He could be anywhere. -
ga791208 -- It's time we determined who's master of this household. - SMACK! - How did he do that? ***
ga791209 -- - - - - - Would you like to come in, Garfield?
ga791210 -- - - It's time we talked about this coffee dependency of yours, Garfield. Ahhh.
ga791211 -- PLIP! - HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! -
ga791212 -- * * - Get off the piano, Odie. You're making too much racket. - And you...
ga791213 -- Garfield! That's beautiful! - WE'LL GO ON THE ROAD, WE'LL MAKE A MILLION! WE'RE RICH! - * *
ga791214 -- - - CLICK! Stop playing with the flashlight, Garfield.
ga791215 -- - - - - Your Picture 4 for 50c
ga791216 -- Let's go look at new furniture, Garfield. - FURNITURE CITY Gee, this sofa's nice. What do you think, Garfield? - Garfield? - POW! - koooosh POP! POP! ssssss POW! plif - Congratulations, sir. You are now the proud owner of 23 slightly clawed
ga791216 -- inflatable chairs. I haven't had so much fun since Granny got her tail caught in the wringer.
ga791217 -- BAT BAT - ZIP! - I'll lay you ten to one I'm here till saturday.
ga791218 -- What a bummer. Here I am wrapped up in a window blind. - Just bump in the road of destiny, just a hump on the camel of fate, just a lump in the throat of misfortune. - Hey! You DO have to suffer to write!
ga791219 -- If I expand the muscles in my body, maybe I can burst my way out of this blind. - DRAT! I forgot. - What muscles?
ga791220 -- - - I was afraid of that.
ga791221 -- Hey, Garfield. - What are you doing up there? - In a world full of idiots, I get the grand high llama.
ga791222 -- Let me get you out of that blind, Garfield. - -
ga791223 -- - - - Uh-oh! Here comes Jon! - The perfect crime. - Oh, Garfield. - Have you perchance, seen my chicken?
ga791224 -- Just one bite of chicken and that's it, Garfield. - - If you swallow, I'll tie a knot in your neck.
ga791225 -- Whatever your beliefs, the Christmas season represents peace, love and charity among people everywhere. - Merry Christmas and season's greetings. - Sometimes I'm so sentimental I could just kiss myself.
ga791226 -- I froze a special treat for you, Garfield. - Oh, goody. - Cat food on a stick.
ga791227 -- It's true cats always land on their feet. - - The things I do for this strip.
ga791228 -- - Spiders are curious insects to see. Their webs are really neat. - But how do they weave them elaborately, When all they have is feet?
ga791229 -- Garfield and I can actually communicate. Watch this... - Would you like to take a bath, Garfield? - Garfield says "no".
ga791230 -- CRASH! - GARFIELD! YOU BROKE MY FERN!! - I RAISED THAT FERN FROM A FROND! - WHAT DID THAT FERN EVER DO TO YOU?!! - Why, I have a notion to...uh...to - I...uh. - You're so cute. Like putty in my paws.
ga791231 -- This year I resolve to lose weight... - To be nicer to dogs... - And to sprout wings and fly.
ga800101 -- So this is 1980. - - Feels about the same.
ga800102 -- You're a sweet cat, Garfield. - It's time we did more things together. - LIKE GIVE YOU A BATH! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!
ga800103 -- Darn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! - Never have so few given so much to so many. - Quit dawdling, Garfield. How dare you to speak that way to the president of the United States.
ga800104 -- Just as I suspected. - The floor is freezing. - clop! clop!
ga800105 -- - -
ga800106 -- - Back off, Garfield. That turkey leg is for my lunch. - ACHOO! - wipe wipe wipe wipe - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - Would you like a turkey leg, Garfield? Only if you don't want it.
ga800107 -- SLURP! - The coffee's too hot, Garfield. - Thanks for telling me.
ga800108 -- What would you like for breakfast, Garfield? Something different! - The usual, you say? NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! - One usual coming up! It's things like this that contribute to the high suicide rate among cats.
ga800109 -- - PUNT! YIP! -
ga800110 -- Throw me a roll, Jon. - GULP! - PASS me a roll, Jon.
ga800111 -- How many times have I told you not to beg at the table? - Sometimes Odie is a real problem. - I wish I had your problem.
ga800112 -- Oh, no, Garfield. You're not getting my chicken today. - I know all your ploys, buddy boy. I'm watching you like a hawk. -
ga800113 -- - - - - * - - I thought so.
ga800114 -- SNIFF - Oh doe! I'm cubbing down wid a code. - Loog, I can hardly ebben understad by own thoughts.
ga800115 -- sniff - OH, ICKY POO! GARFIELD'S GOT A COLD. HE'S DISEASED! EVERYONE STAND BACK! - Berry fuddy.
ga800116 -- AH-CHOO! - It's yours, Garfield. - This could be the start of something grand.
ga800117 -- I hate codes. - I can't beleeb how much my head is stuffed ubb. -
ga800118 -- sniff - ARRRGH!! - Colds can be frustrating can't they, ol' buddy?
ga800119 -- Your cough sounds better, Garfield. hack hack - It should. - I've been practicing all night.
ga800120 -- MY CHICKEN!!! - As long as you ate my chicken, Garfield, why don't you... - EAT MY MASHED POTATOES! - AND MY PEAS! - AND MY RADISHES! AND MY CELERY! - I think Jon's upset.
ga800121 -- I love a cheery fire in a fireplace. - FOOMP! - It's the sparks I'm not too fond of.
ga800122 -- GARFIELD! LUNCH TIME! - - I hate it when my feet go to sleep.
ga800123 -- Frank, meet Garfield. Hi, Garfield. - ROWRRRR! - Some people rub me the wrong way.
ga800124 -- Let's talk about dogs...what are dogs? - - Are they vegetable or mineral?
ga800125 -- Garcon, I'll have the escargot and truffles for an appetizer, then the duck a l'orange flambe and some cappuccino. - Eat up, pal. - Talk about lowering one's sights...
ga800126 -- Here's your coffee, hon. - CRASH! - The roller skating craze is getting out of hand.
ga800127 -- Let's tighten that leash, Garfield. I hate leashes. - FFT! ROWR! - - Don't worry, Garfield. Some kind passer-by will untie us. - Uh, sir? Pardon me ma'am...hey you there... uh... - SLAM Hi, Jon. Hi, Lyman. - What took you so long? - I had to
ga800127 -- drag myself home with my lips.
ga800128 -- Morning, Liz. Jon here. I'm bringing Garfield in for a checkup today. - I know you've been wanting to get to know me better, so why don't you make it a late appointment and we'll go to dinner afterward. - Jon...Jon Arbuckle.
ga800129 -- Hi, doctor? Remember me? Jon? Your knight in shining armor? - Oh yes, I remember. - Names escape me, but I never forget a twit.
ga800130 -- In order to become a veterinarian, you must have a good mind for a woman. - I have a good mind for a man. - You also have a great boy for a man.
ga800131 -- How about a date, Liz? - Could you make it through the night if I said no? Yes. - No. When it comes to slow wits, Jon is a genius.
ga800201 -- Say, "Ah," Garfield. - I'll take your temperature if you don't say, "Ah". - Ah.
ga800202 -- I know you're just a veterinarian, Liz, but I've had these dizzy spells lately... - Well now, why don't we just check your blood pressure. - Uh...DOCTOR.
ga800203 -- Oh, boy, it is chilly this morning. - SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH - SIP - GARGLE GARGLE GARGLE - GULP - That feels so warm. - Ahhh - You really enjoy your coffee, don't you, Garfield?
ga800204 -- Ready for tennis? As soon as I feed Garfield. He's hungry. - How do you know that? - I have my ways.
ga800205 -- Here's a picture of Garfield at the zoo. - Here's Garfield sitting next to a very rare $200 parrot. - Here's a picture of me shelling out 300 bucks for Garfield's lunch.
ga800206 -- Help yourself, Garfield. - - Would you like a little coffee in that sugar?
ga800207 -- This should blow Jon's mind. Me, Garfield, being nice to Odie. pat pat - Heh heh, nice. pat pat - THAT WAS a JOKE, YOU TWIT.
ga800208 -- - push! - This table wasn't big enough for the both of us.
ga800209 -- POOMP! - Oops. I crunched Jon's antenna. - A little more to the right, Garfield.
ga800210 -- - Watch this. I'm going to swing down on this vine and swoop up Jon's chicken. - YANK YANK - - SWOOP! - Where did the vine come from?
ga800211 -- Guess what, Garfield? This week we're going to visit dad and mom on the farm. - Yipee skip. - I think I'll call in sick this week.
ga800212 -- There's only one thing you have to remember when we get to the farm, Garfield. - Watch where you step. - Let me out.
ga800213 -- Hi, dad. Welcome hom, city boy. - Hi, mom. EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT. - Well, shucky darn and slop the chickens, I think I'm going to like it here.
ga800214 -- EAT, EAT, EAT. Mom, is that all you can say? "Eat, eat, eat"? - You should meet some nice girl, settle down, have a family. - Pass the mashed potatoes. EAT, EAT, EAT.
ga800215 -- How's Garfield adjusting to the farm? OINK! - You mean, how's the farm adjusting to Garfield.
ga800216 -- I'm glad we visited the farm, dad. Yup. - It's nice to get away from it all. Yup. - Way, way, wayyyy away.
ga800217 -- - - - - - - -
ga800218 -- This would be a good morning for a brisk walk. - - To the food dish.
ga800219 -- - CLACK! - Life wasn't half as much fun before I got my yo-yo bone.
ga800220 -- The caped avenger sees an evil dog. - The caped avenger springs into action. - The caped avenger hurts himself.
ga800221 -- - SWIPE! - Thanks, Garfield. I hate to lick stamps. Bluh, bluh.
ga800222 -- We're having lasagna for dinner tonight, Garfield. - PLTOOEY! - What say I bake it first. What say.
ga800223 -- I could use a good back walk, Garfield. - This is great. You'd make someone a good wife. - NO CLAWS! NO CLAWS!
ga800224 -- - - - - - It's not the having, it's the getting.
ga800225 -- You're too fat, Garfield. I'm putting you on another diet. - He makes me so mad. - If I could have gotten up on that chair, I would have given him the beating of his life.
ga800226 -- Here's a carrot for your diet, Garfield. You know what to do with it. - I certainly do. - Here, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit.
ga800227 -- I know you're unhappy, Garfield, but I wouldn't have to put you on diets if you wouldn't eat so much. - I can't help it. I have a glandular condition... - An overactive mouth gland.
ga800228 -- This diet's a real bummer. I'm getting weaker by the minute. - I must be going into cholesterol withdrawal. - That's when you have the urge to make a highball out of bacon grease.
ga800229 -- B-R-R-R-R - Awwww, poor thing. First you're on a diet, now you're freezing. - Where's your blanket? I ate it.
ga800301 -- You're looking trimmer, Garfield. I'll take you off your diet now. - - WHEW! POOMP!
ga800302 -- - - - Oh no, you don't, Garfield. This chicken leg is mine. - - - - Let's hear it it for claws.
ga800303 -- Gee, I feel good. - I feel like being nice to everybody today. - I must be coming down with something.
ga800304 -- Heh heh - Cats love to play in grocery bags. - Darn...no groceries.
ga800305 -- When the newspaper comes each day, I take the editorial page and Jon takes the funnies. - HA! HA! HA! HA! - There's no accounting for some people's taste.
ga800306 -- - SWIPE! - Let me guess...you're hungry. Right on.
ga800307 -- Come on , kitty. Sing your song. - - Doo-da, doo-da.
ga800308 -- OH NO! - PUNT! - Don't laugh. How would you like to have dog drool all over YOUR teddy bear?
ga800309 -- - - - - - Graceful. Blow it out your ear.
ga800310 -- This looks like it's going to be a good week. - - Nuts...nuts, nuts, nuts.
ga800311 -- meyow - Listen to that. purrr - The kid's a walking cliche. ffft
ga800312 -- whip! - rip rip rip - Aww, how cute.
ga800313 -- Garfield, you should learn to play with Nermal. Sure thing. hop hop - - Let me rephrase that. dribble dribble dribble
ga800314 -- - Here, Nermal. Do something more constructive with your time. -
ga800315 -- Say good-bye to Garfield, Nermal. smack - -
ga800316 -- - - - - - - ZIP! - Where there's a will...
ga800317 -- Garfield, get your lazy bones out of bed and come to breakfast. - scrape scrape scrape - scrape scrape scrape
ga800318 -- - - Is that all I am to you? Merely an obstruction in the road of life.
ga800319 -- I know you cats are inquisitive by nature, Garfield. - And I know this is your home as well as mine... - BUT STAY OUT OF MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER!!
ga800320 -- Computers...everything is controlled by computers these days. - That chicken you ate was even raised by a computer. - *b*u*r*p*
ga800321 -- Let's go eat, Odie. - What say you go formal. - With a white tie and tail.
ga800322 -- It's a myth that cats are high-strung. - BARK - There's a lot of truth in those old myths.
ga800323 -- Have a fish, Garfield. - - - GULP - PTOOEY - THAT WAS AMAZING! I have nimble teeth.
ga800324 -- Guess what, Garfield? I'm entering you in a cat show. - That should be fun... - I'll be dynamite in the swimsuit competition.
ga800325 -- You'll have to take a bath before the cat show, Garfield. I'll take my chances. - Clean cats are winning cats. - The things I do for stardom.
ga800326 -- Now let's fluff you up. - rrrrrr -
ga800327 -- We need a gimmick for the cat show, Garfield, something to make the judge notice you. - This should do it. - It's a sad state of affairs when a pet owner stoops to humiliating a cat.
ga800328 -- They'll probably want you to do tricks at the show, Garfield, so hop through this hoop. - - I could just cry.
ga800329 -- Hurry up, Garfield! Time to leave for the cat show. grrr rowr - YIP! ROWR! FFT! - I could just cry.
ga800330 -- This is it, Garfield, your first cat show. - Where do I put my cat? Put him here. - - -
ga800331 -- Is this the cat show? - Yes it is. - But the DOG show is NEXT week.
ga800401 -- I'd like to enter Garfield in the cat show. Okay. - Hmmm, lesee here, hmmm. - I'm sorry, but we don't have a "fat" division. Let me at him!
ga800402 -- Hi, what have you got there? - This is Monarch, a registered ruddy abyssinian. He's in the grand champion division with 1400 CFA points...what's that? - This is Garfield. He's...uh sort of yellowish orange and he's got stripes. I've never
ga800402 -- been so embarrassed.
ga800403 -- Cat shows are disgusting. - Imagine, pitting one cat another on a physical basis. This is all so phony. - Judge
ga800404 -- Cat Show - - Darned if my competitive nature didn't get the best of me again.
ga800405 -- And the winner of the household cat division is... - GARFIELD! - Congratulations, Garfield! Did you ever think you could win a cat show? Does a baby go goo?
ga800406 -- I've solved the case, captain. The murderer is... - We interrupt this program to tell you there's a thunderstorm coming into the area. - How dare they break into my favorite TV show for a weather report! - I'm calling the station to give
ga800406 -- them a piece of my mind! - Boy, am I hot! - W-N-R-D, hello? MEOW! - Is this some sort of a joke? Hello? - Boy, do I feel dumb.
ga800407 -- - BONK! - Garfield hates mondays. I hate mondays.
ga800408 -- You're great, Garfield. - You're warm, furry, cuddly, and... - If you say "cute" I'll scratch your eyes out.
ga800409 -- - - I think I'll step into the next room and have a nervous breakdown.
ga800410 -- What's warm and fun to lie in... - And must be chased, but can't be caught? -
ga800411 -- - Okay, Garfield. What've you done? - WHAT'VE YOU DONE?! WHAT'VE YOU DONE?! I love mental games.
ga800412 -- plip! - plip! - I don't like raisins in my cereal. plip! I KNOW! I KNOW!
ga800413 -- - Leave that chicken leg alone, Garfield. It's mine. - - SMACK! - - WHACK! SPLAT! - It's things like this that tend to diminish my enthusiasm for a cat.
ga800414 -- Uh-oh, Garfield wants in! tap tap - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - When I want in, I want in NOW.
ga800415 -- TWEET TWEET - SPROING! -
ga800416 -- VARRROOM! B-B-B-B-VOOM! BAROOM! - meyow - VROWMMM! SCREEEE! VOOM! VOOM!
ga800417 -- Television should be more informative. Television should be more intellectually stimulating. - I'm going to start a movement for more socially aware TV programming! - Just as soon as I'm finished watching "The Beach Creature Annoys Sandra
ga800417 -- Dee".
ga800418 -- - I think you're missing the point of our walks, Garfield. -
ga800419 -- Hey there, good-looking. I don't believe I've seen you around here before. - Do you believe in love at the first sight? - Where have you been all my life?
ga800420 -- I'm bored. - I'm sick of being cooped up in this house all day. - LET ME OUT! I NEED SPACE! - - - -
ga800421 -- How about a date. doc? Okay. - Are you going out with me because of my charm, or my good looks? - It must be your charm. Bingo.
ga800422 -- You're not going to stand me up again, are you, doc? Really...why are you going out with me? - You amuse me. - I'll settle for that. Don Juan dazzles another love-struck waif.
ga800423 -- This is is great. I have a date with Liz. I'll finally have her all to myself. - Just her and me. - And kitty makes three.
ga800424 -- What do you have planned for us tonight? - First we'll jet to a Hollywood premiere and reception with the stars. Then have an intimate dinner at a posh restaurant followed by an evening of dancing at a private club topped off with bubbly on
ga800424 -- the beach at sunrise. - You're kidding! Yea... Yes...how does a drive-in movie grab you?
ga800425 -- What's the movie tonight? The Sludge Monster Meets  Vermin Man. - Never heard of it. - We've seen it eight times. Go Sludge Monster!
ga800426 -- Thanks for going out with me tonight, Liz. I'm sorry Garfield came along. He's a little overbearing at times. - But, at any rate...I'd like to...uh...it was...I mean...er...uh... - Kiss her, you dip.
ga800427 -- - Stand aside, little lady, I'll stop the traffic for you. - HOLD UP! - - VOOM! - My hero.
ga800428 -- - Face it, Garfield... - You aren't the kitten you once were.
ga800429 -- I'm making some really great soup for supper, Garfield. Something's wrong here. - And now some seasoning... I don't like the sound of this. - BATH TIME! I've been duped again!
ga800430 --I'm really going to get you clean today, Garfield. - scrub scrub scrub scrub - What's this? One of my stripes, you bimbo.
ga800501 -- - DON'T GO OUTSIDE! - I just mowed the lawn!
ga800502 -- Eat up, Pal. - I won't say Garfield is fat, but the last time he got on a ferris wheel, the two guys on top starved to death. - SPLAT!
ga800503 -- - - I must speak to Jon about changing the water in my bowl.
ga800504 -- - - What's happening? - I have no urge to shove Odie off the table! - I'm losing my touch! - I must be having an attack of nice! - PUSH - With self-control you can conquer anything.
ga800505 -- Guess who's come to visit? Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. - You're so cute it's disgusting! That's true. - But it's a cross I'll just have to bear.
ga800506 -- How come I've known you a year, Nermal, and you're still a tiny kitten? - I think small. - And the coffee and cigarettes don't hurt.
ga800507 -- Hee, hee, hee. - Here, Nermal. Have a steak. - You really trade on cute, don't you? I manage.
ga800508 -- You're too cute, Nermal. - CUTE IS TASTELESS! CUTE ROTS THE INTELLECT! So what's so hot about ugly? - Good point.
ga800509 -- - Psst, hey, fella. Wanna buy a kitten? - What the? Black market kittens. I'll make a killing.
ga800510 -- Hey, Nermal, do you think you could teach me to be cute, too? - Sure. First, open your eyes just as wide as you can. - Now lose about 20 pounds. Very funny.
ga800511 -- YAWN! - YAWN - YAWN - - - - YAWN!
ga800512 -- - -
ga800513 -- Now where could my rubber mousie be? - EIYEEEEE! SPLASH! - That's right. I left it in the bathtub.
ga800514 -- I LOVE LASAGNA! - I love to smear it on my body. - Which insures I don't have to share it with anyone.
ga800515 -- - - I bet you didn't know cats can shed at will.
ga800516 -- Garfield! Why would you ever want to catch that fish? - Some people LOVE cats for what they are... - And some people ARE cats for what they LOVE.
ga800517 -- - - What's the matter, Jon? Cat got your tongue? You might thay that.
ga800518 -- MERORRR - POOF! - EROWRR - CHUKONG! - ROWERROWER - CLOBBER! - -
ga800519 -- * * * * * * * * - - *
ga800520 -- ** *** - MY PIANO'S POSSESSED! THERE'S AN EVIL SPIRIT IN MY PIANO! - You take that back!
ga800521 -- Good day, sports freaks. Welcome to your first tennis lesson. - First, hold your tennis racquet just like this... - Now drain your spaghetti with it.
ga800522 -- gasp struggle wheeze - Lasagna! I need lasagna! - Let's talk about this pasta dependency of yours, Garfield. First, a noodle, then we talk.
ga800523 -- I'll just take the last helping of lasagna, Garfield. - And you may do whatever you wish with the pan, ha-ha. - WHANG! SPLAT!
ga800524 -- I'm getting tired of your string-arm tactics around here, Garfield. - Remember: blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. - But, in the meantime, the strong will make a pretty comfortable living.
ga800525 -- GRAB! - STRETCH - PTING! - - KABOING! - zoom! - FLAP FLAP FLAP - That's the darndest thing I've ever seen.
ga800526 -- - - The bathroom is secured, sir.
ga800527 -- - BACK!...BACK, YOU SAVAGE! - Savage...I like that.
ga800528 -- - SPLOOT! - What's that? Lemon meringue Odie.
ga800529 -- HERE, ODIE! - - I'm going to train you to sit up today. It's hard to teach a dead dog new tricks.
ga800530 -- Some people say I'm mean to Odie. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE dogs. And if I'm lying, may lightning... - - Strike the dog next door. kerow! yip!
ga800531 -- To properly enjoy tennis you must have the correct stance. - - You'll have to imagine the easy chair, TV, and six-pack.
ga800601 -- - Time to put you out, Garfield. - I don't wanna go out! - - SLAM! - -
ga800602 -- It's that time of year again. - "hen my animal instincts send me into the wild for forage for food. - And the girl scouts start carrying cookies.
ga800603 -- Come on, girl scout. Come to Garfield. - B-B-B-B-B EEEK! - Darn. I was hoping for chocolate chip.
ga800604 -- Hey, mister, your cat ate all my girl scout cookies. - How do you know it was MY cat who ate your cookies? - Twelve boxes worth? That's my cat. o-o-o-o
ga800605 -- I'm very disappointed of you, Garfield. - I can't believe you mugged a girl scout for her cookies. - So cancel my good conduct medal. In one ear, and out the other.
ga800606 -- Oh goody. Here come more girl scouts with more cookies! - Rats! - They have a Den Mother riding point.
ga800607 -- Here comes another girl scout. Watch this. - Beat it, cat! bonk! - Whatever happened to "Sugar 'N' Spice 'N' Everything Nice"?
ga800608 -- - SLURP! - Yuk - Look, Odie...me cat, you dog, we fight. That's the order of things. - Understand? - SLURP! -
ga800609 -- The jungle cat awakes with a voracious appetite. - He instinctively sets out to slay some breakfast. - That wasn't very pretty, but it's all part of the food chain.
ga800610 -- The alley cat scrounges for food. - He pokes his head into a promising garbage can. - PEEEYEWWW!
ga800611 -- The wild cat stalks the environs in search of prey. - He attacks a helpless chicken. - A big, BIG only semi-helpless chicken.
ga800612 -- The farm cat sets out to patrol his property. - He happens upon a plot of fresh catnip. - And wakes up the next morning in Atlantic City with a Barbie doll.
ga800613 -- The actor cat is being filmed escaping from the enemy. - He must leap off a cliff to complete the escape. - Which, of course, is done by a stunt dog.
ga800614 -- The house cat has a busy schedule. - What with sharpening claws. - And seeing his owner off on a big night.
ga800615 -- poke poke poke - poke poke poke poke I'm hungry. - Garfield, you know how I hate it when you poke me. poke poke poke -  poke poke poke poke Then feed me. - How would you like it if I poked you?! POKE! - POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE!
ga800615 -- It's things like that, that make me glad I'm a dog owner. I'm hungry.
ga800616 -- What would you like for your birthday, Garfield? Another nine lives. - How about a ball of yarn? How about not? - What if I keep you in kitty sweaters? What if I keep you in stitches?
ga800617 -- In two days I'll be two years old...that's fourteen years in human terms. - I can't wait. - In another four months I'll be old enough to drive.
ga800618 -- Tomorrow, I'll be two years of age. That's the human equivalent of fourteen. - Cats have it good. - Adolescence without acne.
ga800619 -- Today is my birthday, and I hate birthdays. I'm going to get a surprise party, and I hate surprise parties. - SURPRISE, GARFIELD! - But I LOOOOVE the attention!
ga800620 -- BARK! SPLAT! - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. - CLOBBER! SPLAT!
ga800621 -- - -
ga800622 -- - - - - - - - - -
ga800623 -- Whew, I can't finish my meal. - WHAT AM I SAYING?!! - It just wouldn't be Garfield to leave food.
ga800624 -- - - WHUMP!
ga800625 -- KONG! YIP! - I don't know why I did that. - I guess it comes naturally to a knee-jerk dog hater.
ga800626 -- - - POOF
ga800627 -- I have a tabby at home just like you. - Hee-hee. Aren't you cute! - Where are you going, Garfield? To put a runner in that lady's support hose.
ga800628 -- - Z - Why right here, Garfield?
ga800629 -- - Darn. I can't sleep. - Milk SLUP - - PUFF PUFF - - * - ...
ga800630 -- EEK! THE SLUDGE MONSTER! - Ha-ha, "Sludge Monster" indeed. How trite. -
ga800701 -- Oh no! My food has been ransacked! This looks like the work of the ...SLUDGE MONSTER! - Keep a cool head, Garfield. You must not panic. - AYIEEE! Burp.
ga800702 -- I must arm myself against the sludge monster. - Ah! A helmet. - I should have dumped the sugar out first.
ga800703 -- You may ask...why do I fear the sludge monster? - Not only does it have a bad complexion and dominate the conversation at social gatherings... - It also feeds on scratching posts.
ga800704 -- OH NO! HERE COMES THE SLUDGE MONSTER! - ARRGH! - I wish you'd curb that imagination of yours, Garfield.
ga800705 -- There it is! - PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER, SLUDGE MONSTER! - Why did you mangle that liver, Garfield? In the interest of national security, sir.
ga800706 -- - - ARF! - GRRR! - ROWR! BARK! YIP! GRRR! - - YIP! - Frailty, thy name is dog.
ga800707 -- It's Monday, Garfield. What are you going to do today? - What everyone should do on Monday. - Sleep until Tuesday.
ga800708 -- So this is Tuesday. - Do you know what I like most about Tuesday? - It's not Monday.
ga800709 -- - - My personal food taster.
ga800710 -- - CRASH! BONK! - GARFIELD!!! I'm innocent! I swear it!
ga800711 -- SLURP! - SLURP! - I think I strained something.
ga800712 -- RING! - SMACK! - A little high-strung aren't we? I'm a cat. So sue me.
ga800713 -- What a beautiful day! - SNIFF! - STING! - KONK! - - BONK! - CLONK! - WHAT THE...? It's not nice to fool with mother nature.
ga800714 -- purrrr - - Would you like something to eat, Garfield? That man can read me like a book.
ga800715 -- - GARFIELD! - Don't take another step! This chicken is loaded!
ga800716 -- It's another brand new day for Garfield, the biggest, baddest, meanest cat in the land. - And his sidekick, Pooky. - The biggest, baddest, meanest teddy bear.
ga800717 -- - -
ga800718 -- - - Pooky! Speak to me! Are you okay, fella?
ga800719 -- Hey, Bobby Baby! What's happenin'? - You say I got a wrong number? Well for a wrong number you sure have a sexy voice. Who is this? - Oh, hi, mom. Embarrassment City.
ga800720 -- - SPLASH! - - - I'd better go up for air. - GASP!
ga800721 -- Garfield, how would you like to be my attack cat? Me? An attack cat? - You'd be my side thwarting danger. I'd be your side thwarting danger. - Attacking anyone threatening. Attacking anyone edible.
ga800722 -- I have constructed a thug-dummy for your attack training, Garfield. - KILL! - HA-HA-HA HA-HA!
ga800723 -- Remember, Garfield, you're a vicious attack cat. - ATTACK! - Your mother wears combat boots.
ga800724 -- You're an attack cat. Kill the dummy. Kill the dummy. - KILL! - Wring dummy. Then be more specific.
ga800725 -- Okay, attack cat, let's say a mugger jumps out of the bushes. - A 300-pound mugger with a club. - How will we ever protect ourselves? He's not after MY wallet, jack.
ga800726 -- Forget it, Garfield. You'll never make a good attack cat. - Oh yeh? Well just let some brute try to mug Jon. - I'll give him the hissing of his life.
ga800727 -- - - - - GARFIELD! BATH TIME! - ZOOM! Cats.
ga800728 -- - - How about some breakfast, Garfield? That would be great.
ga800729 -- What did you do with the chicken, Garfield? - SPEAK UP! - I'm sorry, Garfield. Sometimes I forget you can't talk. Forget this.
ga800730 -- You're looking a little puny, Garfield. - Why don't we go see the lady vet again? - Then why don't WE ask the lady vet out again? Than why don't WE get shot out of the saddle again?
ga800731 -- Hey, doc, how about another date? - I don't know. I don't feel safe about you, big fella. - I might yawn myself to death. That put-down gets a 9.8.
ga800801 -- hop hop - That's the thing about canned salmon. hop - It's easier to catch when it heads upstream to spawn.
ga800802 -- GRRRR - ROWR! - yip yip yip One of these days this fierce routine's gonna get me creamed.
ga800803 -- Snicker snicker What are you snickering about, Lyman? - I've solved our mouse problem. How so? - I've set out mousetraps baited with lasagna. Oh no! - NOT LASAGNA?! - SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! -
ga800804 -- I'm putting you on a diet, Garfield. You may have whatever you can sip through a straw. - SUCK! - Back to the drawing board.
ga800805 -- Do you know what constitutes a diet food? - It's not the calories, it's not the protein, it's not the fiber... - It's the bland.
ga800806 -- How goes the diet, Garfield? - Have you lost anything yet? Yes. - My sense of humor.
ga800807 -- Remember, Garfield, one drumstick a day on your diet and that's it. - - What the... I found a butcher who carries pterodactyl.
ga800808 -- You'll have to admit, Garfield... - Noe that you're on a diet, you're feeling better about yourself. You bet. - Aside from the hunger, dizziness and weakness, I'm having a ball.
ga800809 -- You're the correct weight... - For an aircraft carrier, ha-ha. - I shouldn't have said that.
ga800810 -- - SLOSH! - - - - - - GABING!
ga800811 -- What do you get if you cross a cat and a dog? - - You get a stupid cat.
ga800812 -- Go fetch, Odie! - - When he comes to, he's going to be plenty mad.
ga800813 -- Ahem. - Mee mee mee mee, arf arf arf arf arf, bark bark bark - BARK!
ga800814 -- Garfield, I wish you wouldn't keep burying Odie in the sand. - Big deal. - I only buried him up to his knees.
ga800815 -- Don't like your cat food, huh? - Is there anything I can give it? - Last rites come to mind.
ga800816 -- You've finally done it, Garfield. - You've tangled with something bigger than you. - Yeh, but you should see the other truck.
ga800817 -- Hello, sunrise. - Hello, flower garden. - - - WACHOO - Hello, hay fever. sniff
ga800818 -- Hey, Garfield. We're going to visit dad and mom on the farm this week. - Where are you going? - To pack my bibs, and stuff some hayseeds between my teeth.
ga800819 -- Say, mom, whatever happened to Nadine, my pet chicken? She's fine. - This is great? What is it? - Nadine noodle soup. She was family!
ga800820 -- This is where milk comes from, Garfield. - How interesting, how informative. - I'll never, EVER drink milk again as long as I live.
ga800821 -- ptooy - Dad, you didn't. - A good chew never hurt nobody. ssst
ga800822 -- ssst - You're really getting into this farm thing, aren't you, Garfield? Yup. - Wanna swap sheep jokes?
ga800823 -- oin! oink! oink! - - For being edible, you're sure pulling your luck, fella!
ga800824 -- - Did you ever own a cat, Lyman? - I grew up with four of 'em. - What were their names? - Let's see... - There was "cat", "cat", "cat" and "cat". No names? - What's the use of naming a pet that won't come if you call it? Good point.
ga800825 -- BRINNNNNG! SMACK! - BOING! - I hate mondays.
ga800826 -- - - It's not the valleys in life i dread so much as the dips.
ga800827 -- - Garfield, there's nothing you can do or say to make me share my lasagna with you. - Now that was an effective little ploy.
ga800828 -- FLIP - FLIP! - You're a lousy reader, Garfield. You play a lousy game of flip, fella.
ga800829 -- - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch -
ga800830 -- woof woof - rrrrrr - Eek, eek, shiver with fright, beg for mercy, race up a tree.
ga800831 -- - - - - - How is it you cats know exactly when to be underfoot? Lucky I guess.
ga800901 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF DOGS The world's first dog crawled out of the sea about ten million years ago. - But, unfortunately for him... - He was immediately nabbed by the world's first dogcatcher.
ga800902 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF DOGS Tail wagging was invented by a dog named "Bonzo Wag". - He found that tail wagging endeared him to humans. - Bonzo also invented slobbering, but that didn't go over so well.
ga800903 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF DOGS During the stone age, dogs were used for hunting much as they are today. bark bark - GRRRR - Times were tough then. STOMP!
ga800904 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF DOGS Contrary to popular belief... - The first dogs were HAPPY to meet the first cat. - For, until then, all they had to chase up trees were rocks. Arf
ga800905 -- GARFIELD'S HISTORY OF DOGS - - The first fire hydrant.
ga800906 -- Dogs' historic roles as hunters, protectors, trackers, laborers and companions have culminated to make modern dog what he is today. - - It could just make you cry.
ga800907 -- Do you feel personally responsible for the world food shortage? - Every time you go to the beach, does the tide come in? - Have you ever eaten an entire moose? - Can you see your neck? - Do joggers take laps around you for exercise? - If so,
ga800907 -- welcome the NATIONAL FAT WEEK! - This week we'll eat without guilt, and kick off our membership campaign... - By force-feeding a box of cornstarch to a skinny person.
ga800908 -- Welcome to National Fat Week. - This is the week all of you, my fat brothers and sisters, celebrate your big, round, beautiful bodies. - Remember, you're not overweight, everyone else is undernourished.
ga800909 -- This is National Fat Week. Arise, fat people! - LET US AVERT OUR NATION'S INSENSITIVITY TOWARD FAT PEOPLE! - LET US MAKE FUN OF BALD PEOPLE!
ga800910 -- Here's a National Fat Week handy fact... - 60% of the people in our nation are involved in some way with the food industry. - That's right. Eating is not only fun, it's patriotic!
ga800911 -- This year, let's celebrate National Fat Week by stamping out fat jokes. - Let's face it, fatties... - We should be able to stamp out anything we wish.
ga800912 -- We fat people are constantly being discriminated against. - Airplane and theater seats are too small. Designer clothing is not made in our size. But that's trivial. - What this world really needs is a king-size sandbox.
ga800913 -- Here's a National Fat Week diet joke: - What would you get if you cross a dieter with a nine-foot gorilla? - You get a gorilla who diets anywhere he pleases.
ga800914 -- * OH, GARFIELD * - Go fetch the paper. You gotta be kidding. - No paper, no breakfast. - That's blackmail. - Good boy! -
ga800915 -- - - Hungry, Garfield? Bingo.
ga800916 -- - Uh-oh, here comes Jon! -
ga800917 -- I fell nasty today. - PUNT! - You gotta work it out.
ga800918 -- I know it's chilly this morning, Garfield. - But you're not supposed to sit there. - So what's a bun warmer for?
ga800919 -- Would you like to go out, Garfield? - POW! - Or would you rather stay in?
ga800920 -- - You look guilty about something, Garfield. - Did you eat my pie? Your pepper steak.
ga800921 -- arf arf - rrrrr - Let's see. I think I'm supposed to raise the fur on my back, recoil in horror and flee i terror. - Or is it: recoil in horror, raise the fur on my back and flee in terror... - Or is it: flee in terror, recoil in horror and
ga800921 -- raise the fur on my back. - Heck with it. CLOBBER!
ga800922 -- GARFIELD - Will you get out of my flower box and come to lunch? - No thanks. I just ate it.
ga800923 -- I won't say you're fat, Garfield... - But I will say you're two of the finest cats I've ever had. - Let's see...hairdressers, hearing aids, hit men.
ga800924 -- - SPLOT! - Let me guess. You're trying to tell me you don't like your meal. In my own subtle way.
ga800925 -- We cats are very unique. - Who else has our pride, style and sophistication? - Who else can kill an afternoon hanging on the screen door?
ga800926 -- - SLAM! -
ga800927 -- - gobble! gobble! gobble! - Thanks for leaving a wing, Garfield. What are friends for?
ga800928 -- - - This chair could use some softening up. - boing boing boing - scratch scratch scratch - Much better. SPROING - Just when a chair earns your respect, it turns on you.
ga800929 -- How about dinner tonight, doc? Sure. - If there's nothing good on Television. - Did you hear that, Garfield? She practically threw herself at me! Pray for reruns, hotshot.
ga800930 -- Just once I'd like to go on a date without Garfield. - - Where to, sir?
ga801001 -- This is an exclusive restaurant, Garfield. They'll never serve a cat here. - Wear this. - How sit up straight...son. Wait we'll get home...dad.
ga801002 -- Good evening, Liz. So glad you could join us. - "Us"? Me and my cat. - You're not strange or something are you? You don't know the half of it, lady.
ga801003 -- POW! HA HA HA, WHEEEE! - When was the last time you had so much fun, Garfield? - I think it was the time I got the hairball stuck in my throat.
ga801004 -- Thanks for a lovely evening, Liz. - KISS - ptooy ptooy You lucky dog. I rarely kiss on the first date.
ga801005 -- Hmmm, Jon's golf cap. - No one drives faster than the great Enzio Bodoni! - Alms for a tap dancing cat. tappity tappity - Check that oil, mister? - quack quack quack - Sometimes I worry about, Garfield. Ha ha ha ha
ga801006 -- Boy, am I in a bad mood. - STOMP! STOMP STOMP! STOMP! Thanks, Odie.
ga801007 -- FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP - Are you playing with the blinds again, Garfield? - I could just scream.
ga801008 -- - What are you doing up there, Garfield? - Come a little closer and ask that again.
ga801009 -- I'll get you out, Garfield. - CLUNK! - Gee, is there anything I can do for you? Notify your next of kin.
ga801010 -- Cats are great to sleep with on chilly nights. - scratch scratch scratch scratch - If you can put up with some of their eccentricities.
ga801011 -- Cats are not only cute and fuzzy... - We also make keen alarm clocks. - At no extra charge.
ga801012 -- * MERORRR - KACHING! - * EROWRR ** - SPLAT! - ** ROWERROWER * - CLOP! - - Have you considered putting an end to your late-night caterwauling, Garfield? What? And give up show business?!
ga801013 -- Hey, Garfield. Nermal's come to visit for the week. - I wish I could keep him. - Kittens are like strings...every yo-yo wants one.
ga801014 -- Awwwww, isn't Nermal cute? - Look kid...Jon is MY owner. This is MY territory. I'M the cute one around here. Got it? - It's easier to charm your way through life if you have the muscle to back it up.
ga801015 -- I hate Nermal. I think I'll clean his clock. - Hey, kid. How'd you like to play on this waffle iron? Bug off. - I guess I'll have to use more subtle means.
ga801016 -- Hey, I was once a kitten too. - Hey, I'm cute too. - Listen to me, will you?
ga801017 -- - kick! - Where did Nermal go? He's taking a short nap.
ga801018 -- clop clop - Ha ha, cats are so cute when they play dress-up. - Cute to a point, that is.
ga801019 -- scratch scratch scratch - Garfield, what would you say if I said my chair is damaged? I'd say you're right. - What would you say if I said the damage looks like it was done by a cat? I'd say there do appear to be some abrasions of the claw
ga801019 -- persuasion. - What would you say if I said we both know this cat? I'd say you're getting warm. - What would you say if I said YOU are the cat who scratched mu chair? I'd say that is a distinct possibility. - What would you say if I said never
ga801019 -- sharpen your claws on my chair again? No comprendo, Senor.
ga801020 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch - - scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga801021 -- Me, Garfield the cat, a walking flea circus. What a bummer. - I don't mind the itching or biting. - But the lights from the midway are keeping me awake.
ga801022 -- Here it is. - flea n. a small wingless, bloodsucking parasite... - also see: brother-in-law
ga801023 -- I'll fix those pesky fleas. - Women and children first! Help! I'm going down for the third time! Gasp! Blurb! - I can't stand it.
ga801024 -- I'm going to put this flea collar on you, Garfield. Not in your life. - ROWR -
ga801025 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch - - scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga801026 -- - BATH TIME! - - - SPLASH! - Close, but no banana.
ga801027 -- Cats are invincible. - Woe be to he who incurs the wrath of a cat. smack - How long will he be in that body cast, doc? About a week. I could've guessed as much.
ga801028 -- I know it's no fun being in a cast, Garfield. - We'll just have to make the best of your situation. - You'll make a keen doorstop. You're really enjoying this, aren't you, Jon?
ga801029 -- - tip -
ga801030 -- - - waka waka waka waka waka waka
ga801031 -- How does it feel to be out of your cast, Garfield? - - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga801101 -- What should I do with your body cast, Garfield? - I'd like to keep it. - WHANG!
ga801102 -- Hmmm, it feels sleepy out there today. - You're looking a little listless, Garfield. I prefer to think of this as an advanced state of relaxation. - I'm taking you to the vet. Thea have a cure for lazy? - His get up and go got up and went,
ga801102 -- doc. It's nothing a little catnap couldn't fix. - A vitamin shot should do the trick. - But you didn't even give him the shot. It's the thought that counts. tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity
ga801103 -- - KISS - stomp STOMP stomp STOMP STOMP STOMP
ga801104 -- Bath time, Pooky. - -
ga801105 -- - - GARFIELD!
ga801106 -- - - Would you mind explaining yourself, Garfield?
ga801107 -- - Oh, I'm sorry, Odie. Would you like some melon too? -
ga801108 -- squeak squeak squeak - -
ga801109 -- - - - - WHOCK! SPLAT! -
ga801110 -- - GRANDPA! - Stow it, sonny. Where's the refrigerator?
ga801111 -- It's great to see you, grandpa. Why, I'll bet you're still the best ratter in Middletown. - I gave that up. - Why? Ever try to gum a rat?
ga801112 -- How well I remember the day you were born, sonny. Yessire, you were 5 pounds 6 ounces at birth. That's big for a kitten. - I was out of town at the time. - Then how do you remember it? I heard the scream.
ga801113 -- Tell me about my youth, grandpa. - You were born in the kitchen of Mamma Leoni's Italian restaurant. You frolicked in the fettucine, rolled in the ravioli and ate all the lasagna in sight. - I must have broken some eating records. Not to
ga801113 -- mention a few health codes.
ga801114 -- I'm tired. I think I'll turn in. Aw, come on, grandpa. The night's still young. Let's talk. - Let me tell you about the flood of '42. - Works every time. Z
ga801115 -- What the... - Why, I'll bet you two are related, aren't you? I can see the family resemblance. - Take that back, you walleyed muck sucker.
ga801116 -- Z - HEY, GARFIELD, LET'S GO JOGGING. - SHOOP! - - - AHA! - EEEYOUCH! - This is one of those times when I should have considered the consequences of my actions.
ga801117 -- Grandpa? What was I like when I was little? - - Okay...what was I like when I was YOUNG? Let me tell you...
ga801118 -- Tell me, grandpa, how's grandma? Looking more like a haddock every day. - She could give mean lessons to Attila the Hun. - You're not getting along, huh? You might say the honeymoon's over.
ga801119 -- Why aren't you and grandma getting along? - I married her because she had a figure that wouldn't quit. - So? It did.
ga801120 -- Did I ever tell you about the great famine of '59? It was sad. - Food was so scarce, many people ate their cats. - That's disgusting! And you're gullible.
ga801121 -- You kids have it good these days. - I remember when I had to walk six miles every day just to chase rats. - I don't buy that. Would you believe across the street to spook a chicken?
ga801122 -- Goodbye, grandpa. Keep in touch. I'll write soon. - - CATS CAN'T WRITE! Now you're getting the picture.
ga801123 -- - - - - - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hello? Funny Farm? Do you take pets?
ga801124 -- Do you know what I like about cats, Garfield? You're so docile. - ROWR! - I hate to be pegged.
ga801125 -- - Oh no! -
ga801126 -- FOOD! - Close, but no banana.
ga801127 -- I'll be stuck here for the rest of my living days if I don't do something. - I guess I'll have to let go and drop to the floor. -
ga801128 -- - -
ga801129 -- This table is dusty. - ACHOO! - Twenty years from now I'll look back on this and laaaaugh.
ga801130 -- - There's one cute chicky-boo! - She could sharpen her claws on my hassock any time. - I wonder if she'd like to go back to the big caterwauling on Elm Street tonight. - Well, hello there, Garfield. - Oh, hi, Frank.
ga801201 -- Boy, am I bored. - Good morning, Garfield. It's another day just like any other day. Isn't it great? - Some people confuse boredom with security.
ga801202 -- I need a change. - Maybe I'll take up a hobby. Maybe I'll learn a new language. Maybe I'll participate in a sport. - Maybe I'll stay bored. It takes less effort.
ga801203 -- flick - flick - You know you're bored when flicking a lint ball becomes all-consuming.
ga801204 -- Every day it's the same boring food, same boring people, same boring routine... rrrr - ROWR! FFFT! - ...same boring fights.
ga801205 -- Do you know where I'm residing? Bored City, that's where. - But not for long. With a positive mental attitude I can whip it. - I think I'll make a lateral move to self-pity.
ga801206 -- I'm bored. - ARRRGH - That helped.
ga801207 -- - - CHOMP! GULP GOBBLE - PLICK! - - ODIE!
ga801208 -- - - Somehow, I prefer Garfield in his less affectionate moods.
ga801209 -- Garfield, I've been thinking... - I'm seriously considering having you declawed. - Whatever for?
ga801210 -- Why would Jon want to have me declawed? A cat without claws is like a bee without a stinger... - A porcupine without quills, a shark without teeth, a snake without fangs! - I think I see his point.
ga801211 -- Granted, declawing a cat may spare the furniture. But it also renders a cat defenseless. - Put yourself in my shoes...how would you like to go through life... - Knowing somewhere out there is a dog with your name on it.
ga801212 -- Some friends of mine and I would like to discuss this declawing idea of yours. - - Thanks, friends.
ga801213 -- Garfield, I'm sorry I tried to have you declawed. Let's forgive and forget, okay? - BUZZ - I'll settle for "forgive".
ga801214 -- OH BOY! CHICKEN! I LOVE CHICKEN! - Hold it, Garfield. - I don't know how to break this to you. I know it's going to break your heart... - But, I'm never letting you have chicken again. You might choke on the bones. - - - OH BOY! HAMBURGERS! I
ga801214 -- LOVE HAMBURGERS! What? No period of mourning?
ga801215 -- I think it's time you met a lady cat, Garfield. - And if you're not sure what to do on a date just watch me in action sometime. I have. - Make an inuendo, get slapped. Make a suggestion, get slapped. Make a move, get slapped.
ga801216 -- Jon says this after shave is supposed to attract women. - gallop gallop gallop gallop - Darn...wrong species.
ga801217 -- It's time I met a cat of the female persuasion. - - What took you so long?
ga801218 -- What do they call you? - My name's Arlene. - And what do they call that space between your front teeth? This relationship is off to a tenuous start.
ga801219 -- - Wanna eat mice? Wanna beat up dogs? - How barbaric. how nauseating.
ga801220 -- Tell me, Arlene, what good is that space between your teeth? - *** - When will I see you again? Next time I want to hail a taxi.
ga801221 -- Cats can be broken to the leash if you just hang in there. - - -
ga801222 -- Garfield, would you happen to know what happened to the lasagna I fixed for dinner? - * - I didn't know you could whistle. I'd tap-dance too if it would change the subject.
ga801223 -- Did I ever tell you I'm 29, Garfield? - You would have been 30 but you were sick a year. I would have been 30  but I was sick a year. - MY KINGDOM FOR A NEW PUNCH LINE!
ga801224 -- Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - Why, Garfield Arbuckle...The spirit of Christmas is giving, not receiving. - I'll give you this if you don't give me that. Now GIMME! That's the spirit.
ga801225 -- I love Christmas. - The parties and the presents... - The caroling, the presents. The food, the presents, the decorations, the presents, the fun and the presents. Merry Christmas!
ga801226 -- OH NO! I overslept! - I'M LATE! - For my nap.
ga801227 -- Oh no! They've raised my electricity bill again! What'll I doo? There's only one thing to do in a case like this... - SLEEP ON IT! - A real man of action. zzzz
ga801228 -- - No sweat, sarge. I'll take that machine gun nest out with my trusty bazooka here. - So this is what it feels like to be potato salad. - Rhett, rhett. Whatever shall I do? Wherever shall I go? - Take me to your leader, earthling, or I'll
ga801228 -- atomize your face. - That food's for eating, Garfield. What are you trying to do? Make me sick or something?
ga801229 -- GARFIELD! I'M - - Home. Gotcha again.
ga801230 -- This year I resolve to be nicer to Odie. - KONG! - Now that that's out of the way, I can enjoy new year's eve.
ga801231 -- Here you are, Madelyn, my dear. - There's a cat hair in my punch! - GARFIELD!
ga810101 -- So this is 1981. - A brand new year fresh with new promise. - Big, fat, hairy deal.
ga810102 -- GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - WHERE'S YOUR DINNER?!! WHERE'S MY DINNER?!! - Once my eating gains momentum it's hard to shut down.
ga810103 -- Okay, who ate my socks? - - GARFIELD!! The guy's some kind of a psychic!
ga810104 -- What's this strange feeling I feel today? - I feel like being nice to everyone today! - KISS - KISS KISS KISS KISS . KISS - People don't want nice...people want consistency.
ga810105 -- FEED ME! FEED ME! FEED ME! OKAY! OKAY! - - Z
ga810106 -- We cats nap anywhere, anytime. - Everyone should be so lucky. - With the possible exception of airline pilots.
ga810107 -- Z - Z - When Garfield naps, he naps HARD. Z
ga810108 -- Here it comes again! NAP ATTACK! - zzzz
ga810109 -- Oh no! I feel a nap attack coming on. But the movie's almost over. I must stay awake! - - Z
ga810110 -- Boy, what a great night's sleep. YAWN - HEY, GARFIELD. LET'S GO JOGGING. - Z
ga810111 -- What happened to my favorite record? I scratched it. - What happened to the lasagna I fixed for dinner?! I ate it. - GARFIELD; WHY IS IT YOU SCRATCH, EAT AND DESTROY EVERYTHING IN SIGHT?! I CAN'T HELP IT! I'M A SLAVE TO MY PASSIONS! - CATS!
ga810111 -- HUMANS! - I'm sorry, Garfield. If you didn't do those things you wouldn't be a cat. I love you for what you are. That's okay. - What happened to my fern? Don't ask.
ga810112 -- Stand aside, boy. There's lasagna to be eaten! - - We have an understanding, Garfield and I...I provide the food, shelter, and affection, and he provides the abuse.
ga810113 -- ROWRRRR - elbow - EROWR Prima donna.
ga810114 -- I've been watching television too long. - I'd better take a break. -
ga810115 -- - You eat too fast, Garfield. says who? - BURP
ga810116 -- - - A seeing eye dog.
ga810117 -- What's with you? - Someone switched my eyedrops with the airplane glue. That's terrible! - No wonder my model airplane wouldn't stick together.
ga810118 -- - We're going for a nature walk, Garfield. Super. - Just smell that fresh country air. Sniff...ACHOO! - Hark. That's the call of a lesser bittern of the heron family. WAKA, WAKA Waka, smaka. - Rolling meadows, lush forests, majestic
ga810118 -- mountains... - Have you ever seen such splendor? Lovely.
ga810119 -- YAWN - TRIP! - It must be Monday.
ga810120 -- SLUP - That was my hot water, Garfield. I was going to make tea. I know that. - Weird.
ga810121 -- That's the biggest bird I've ever seen! - - Garfield, time to eat.
ga810122 -- I can see the headlines now. - "Cat gets hijacked". - "And duck gets hernia"
ga810123 -- Flying looks pretty simple. - - AARRRRGG
ga810124 -- Oh pooh. - Oh goody. - Oh pooh. City Pound
ga810125 -- City Pound SLAM! - How did I get into this fix? One minute I'm free as a bird, then I'm in the city pound. Where did I go wrong? - I'm just a number here. I've almost forgotten what it's like on the outside. - IT'S NOT RIGHT TO CAGE A WILD
ga810125 -- ANIMAL! - THESE FOUR WALLS ARE CLOSING IN ON ME! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! - You've only been here two minutes. I know, but this is my first shot at a prison scene.
ga810126 -- I can't believe it. Me, Garfield, in a dog pound. - That's "City Pound." There are cats here too, you know. - Arf arf. Oh shut up, fluffy.
ga810127 -- My name's Guido, and this here is my associate, Fluffy. - Guido and Fluffy? - I've killed for less than that. One of your sensitive-tough types.
ga810128 -- Tell me, Guido.  Why is Fluffy here in the city pound? - His previous owner encountered considerable difficulty in cultivating Fluffy with the proper hygienic habits. - Couldn't be housebroken, huh? Puddle City.
ga810129 -- How long will I have to stay here in the pound? Till your owner comes to pick you up. - What if he doesn't come? Then it's curtains for you. - Great! I love to sharpen my claws on curtains. How do I break this to him?
ga810130 -- We gotta bust out of this pound. Got any ideas? Why don't we use Fluffy as a battering ram? - FLUFFY! BE A BATTERING RAM! Yah. - CRASH!
ga810131 -- Thanks for helping me escape from the pound, Guido. No sweat. - It's nice to finally be out of trouble. What a relief it is to be returning to the safety and comfort of home. - Whatever that is...
ga810201 -- - - Why, hello there. I'm lost. - Aren't you cute! Can you give me directions! - Run along now, Kitty. - - - What did I do?
ga810202 -- So what if I'm lost. Big deal. I can handle it. - Cats are adventurous. Cats are independent. Cats are strong... - I WANT MY TEDDY BEAR!
ga810203 -- It should be no problem finding my way home. Cats have a natural homing instinct. - My instinct tells me to go that way. - BONK!
ga810204 -- FOOD! I GOTTA HAVE FOOD! - Health Food Store - FOOD! I GOTTA HAVE FOOD!
ga810205 -- Boy, am I beat. I must've walked two blocks today. - It will be nice to get home. I miss my chew bone, my chew toy, - And Odie, my chew dog.
ga810206 -- I guess I'll have to hitchhike home. - Fortunately for me, I have something most other cats don't. - Thumbs.
ga810207 -- GARFIELD! WELCOME BACK! - I'm starved. You must be starved. I'll get some food. - Home is where they understand you.
ga810208 -- * * - * *  ** - ** ? ** - ** - * * - ***!
ga810209 -- MY FEET! WHERE ARE MY FEET?! - - Maybe I could stand to lose a pound or two.
ga810210 -- Garfield, you won't say you're fat... - But you have more chins than a Hong Kong telephone directory! -
ga810211 -- I wish Jon wouldn't kid me about my weight. - I'm a very sensitive person. - Et tu, chair?
ga810212 -- My, my, a chocolate covered peanut. - RIP! - I think I need a bigger cat suit.
ga810213 -- - - Sorry about that.
ga810214 -- GARFIELD! DINNER! - I appreciate your promptness, Garfield... - BUT, NEXT TIME, OPEN THE DOOR! Oops.
ga810215 -- Watch out, Metropolis. Garfield is in town. - This is my night to howl. - AROOO - Hey, baby, what's happenin' Buzz off, creep. - arooooo - Hi there, how about a kiss? Don't do me no favors. - How about you and me. Pack it in, jack. - aroooo.
ga810216 -- Uh-oh. It's diet time. - Let's diet together, Garfield. That would be more fun. - How does the old proverb go? "Misery loves company".
ga810217 -- Welcome to the first day of your diet, Garfield. - Through self-denial, you will realize a slimmer, more self-assured you. - I THINK I'M GONNA DIE!
ga810218 -- I shall now attempt to eat a lunch consisting of one leaf of lettuce. - Lightly seasoned with... - One quart of mayonnaise! BLOP
ga810219 -- Dieting is easy when you set your mind to it. - I no longer crave food. - IT'S THE CALORIES I CRAVE!
ga810220 -- - - I gotta get off this diet!
ga810221 -- Zowie! A picture of lasagna! - RIP! - Not too bad except for the staples. ptooey
ga810222 -- SNAP! - I love static electricity. scuff scuff scuff scuff - POP! - SCUFF SCUFF SCUFF SCUFF SCUFF - POW - I hate static electricity.
ga810223 -- BRINNNNG! - I love to wake up early. - The earlier you set your alarm, the longer you can oversleep.
ga810224 -- It's yawn and crick time. - YAWN - CRICK!
ga810225 -- Eat your food, Garfield. No, It's youkky. - How would you like to go to bed without dinner? - Somehow, that psychology doesn't seem to work on Garfield.
ga810226 -- Why do people love teddy bears? - It's for their don'ts... - They don't eat your food. They don't dance with your date and they don't trump your ace lead.
ga810227 -- - I wonder what grandiose dream Garfield is having right now. -
ga810228 -- Have you ever seen such a sad movie in all your life, Garfield? - Maybe I'm too hardened. Maybe I'm too cynical... - But I wasn't that moved by "Flipper Gets The Ick".
ga810301 -- - I declare this chair the sole property of Garfield The Cat. - Move it, Garfield. That's my chair. My chair. - MY CHAIR! MY CHAIR! - MY CHAIR! MY CHAIR! - KICK! My chair. My cushion.
ga810302 -- GRRR ROWR - EYOUCH! - One should not bare one's claws while lying on them.
ga810303 -- Claws. - THOCK! - The only way to eat olives.
ga810304 -- What's this welling up within my soul? - By golly, it's my primal urges. - Civilization as we know it may come to an end now that the CLAW is here!
ga810305 -- The Claw spots groceries. - ZIP! - What a lousy epitaph..."he shuffled off this mortal oil at the hand of canned goods".
ga810306 --The Claw spots boy with balloon. - POW! - The claw enjoys a cruel laugh at a young child's expense. WAH!
ga810307 -- The Claw sets out to wreak havoc. - CRASH BAM SMASH WHAM - The claw gets his havoc wreaked by the fang.
ga810308 -- - Poor me. - All alone in the rain...nobody notices, nobody cares. - I think I'll catch pneumonia and die.  That'll make'm feel bad. - GARFIELD! GET IN HERE! - Everyone needs a good bout with self-pity now and then.
ga810309 -- I'm putting you into training, Garfield. - CATCH THE MOUSE! KILL THE MOUSE! CHASE IT! - I'm disappointed in you. You're just another dumb animal. If I wait for the forward thrust to diminish, I should be able to retrieve it at my leisure.
ga810310 -- Garfield, where's your windup mousie? - You didn't...? No of course you didn't. - ptooey
ga810311 -- GET THAT MOUSE, GARFIELD! What mouse? Squeak - I KNOW IT'S THERE. I HEAR IT SQUEAK, NOW DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Squeak - koink koink koink
ga810312 -- CATCH THAT MOUSE, GARFIELD! - Now what do I do with it? Eat it! - Who knows where that mouse has been?
ga810313 -- Why do people expect us cats to eat mice? - This mouse could be somebody's mother. This mouse could be a deacon in its little mouse church. - And some of the fuzzy sucker's bones might get caught in my throat.
ga810314 -- KILL THE MOUSE, GARFIELD! - NO! I RESPECT MY WARMBLOODED BROTHERS AND SISTERS MORE THAN THAT! - I'll reserve my abuse for the lower life forms.
ga810315 -- - Cats can stare anything down. - - I win. - - I win again. - Uh oh. - This one's going to be tough.
ga810316 -- Oh Marcia. Oh Bob. - kissy kissy smooch - It's time Jon had another date. kiss
ga810317 -- It's time to go to the veterinary clinic, Garfield.  - Sometimes I think Jon uses me as an excuse to see that lady vet. SLAM - Especially when he forgets to take me along.
ga810318 -- Hellooo, doc. Remember me? Where's your cat? - Forget my cat. Can't we get started without him? Sure. - First a vitamin E shot to give your coat a keener sheen. I'll get my cat.
ga810319 -- How a bout a date, my little kitten? - I don't date men who who use animal names out of context. - Rats.
ga810320 -- Why don't you like me? - You're wishy-washy, crude, and a twerp. - I mean aside from that.
ga810321 -- Your cat is extremely overweight, Mr. Arbuckle. It could lead to serious heart problems. Not to worry. - I don't think Garfield has a heart. - See?!
ga810322 -- - I'm going to jog this morning. - Of course, it will be cold when I start. - But then I'll get hot and sweaty. - And my heart will pound, making me dizzy. - I'll get blisters on my feet. - Then I'll be stiff and sore for days. - Jogging
ga810322 -- probably wouldn't be so bad. But the anticipation is killing me.
ga810323 -- I wonder what today is? - BONK! - Monday.
ga810324 -- There are two of us and only one donut, Garfield. Let's share it. - - Where's my share? Look closely. I left the hole for you.
ga810325 -- bark! bark! bark! - - I fail to see the sport in it.
ga810326 -- Ah, a screen door upon which to hang. - - They don't make'm like they used to.
ga810327 -- Hello. What's this? - Don't panic, Garfield. It's only a little rain. - AAAAAAAAAAAAA
ga810328 -- I love lasagna fresh from the oven: the tomato sauce, the meat, the melted cheese. - - GARFIELD!
ga810329 -- I', going out, Garfield. The women will be hysterical over me. The outfit's hysterical. - What do you think about my attire? It could use some alteration. - Let's tuck that tie in and add some vents to the sleeves. - - A smart cat knows just
ga810329 -- how far to go without crossing over the line. - Perhaps a more rakish tilt to the hat. -
ga810330 -- Just remember, Garfield, when we get to the farm you are there to relax. - I know last time you wanted to be helpful... - But you do not grow chickens by planting chickens in the ground! It was an hones mistake.
ga810331 -- Mothers equate love with food. When they feed you they're saying, "I love you". - Eat, eat, eat. - And I love you, too.
ga810401 -- The light bulb's burned out. - Don't worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark going blind. - I'll fix it. He's such a good boy.
ga810402 -- When I was your age I was married and had a kid. Yeh, me! - - Good argument, son. But I still think you should get married.
ga810403 -- Now that the sun has set, we come to the exciting part. - We turn around to watch the moon rise. - Be still my beating heart.
ga810404 -- It IS kind of pretty out here on the farm. - chirp chirp - Walt Disney, eat your heart out.
ga810405 -- - Uh oh. I'll never make it across that sunbeam awake. - Nothing ventured, nothing gained. - Z poomp! - Come on , Garfield, let's go for a walk. Z - Z Z
ga810406 -- You're getting a little pudgy there, Garfield. - Maybe you'd be more attractive to the ladies if you'd suck your gut in. - And then again, maybe not.
ga810407 -- Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. - Buenos dias, mon sweet. I knew you'd come back to me. - Of course you did, fatso. You're sitting on my rubber mouse.
ga810408 -- Tell me, Arlene, how does it feel to have a huge, ugly, disgusting gap between your front teeth? - BAP! - Oh.
ga810409 -- ROWR OOOO - Why do cats always caterwaul when they date? Would you rather come to my place and see my cat show trophy? - EROOO
ga810410 -- How about us having a lasting relationship, Garfield? - I'm sorry, Arlene. I'm already hopelessly in love with somebody else. - Who? Me.
ga810411 -- Thanks for the date, Arlene. How about a good night kiss? - kiss kiss smack kiss - Masher.
ga810412 -- - Aren't pet stores fascinating, Garfield? - The cute hamsters, the canaries, the tropical fish. - Garfield? - GARFIELD?!! - Oh, there you are. - Come on, let's go home for lunch. No thanks, I just ate.
ga810413 -- Where were you last night, Garfield? - - You met a ballet dancer and went to a sack race? Close enough.
ga810414 -- Z - BARK! -
ga810415 -- yip! yip! YIP! YIP! - -
ga810416 -- If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I'd like to come back as a movie star. - What would you like to come back as, Garfield? What a silly question. - A dogcatcher, of course.
ga810417 -- Mornin', Jon. What'll you have? Ham'n'eggs, eggs over easy. - And what'll you have, sir? - One of each will do nicely, thank you.
ga810418 -- Garfield. Cats can't walk on their hind feet. - I didn't know that. -
ga810419 -- dial dial - Hello, Ingrid? How about a date this weekend? - Okay...then how about next weekend? How about the weekend after that? - Maybe the weekend after that? Or the weekend after that? The next one? How about the weekend after that? -
ga810419 -- Look Ingrid, if you don't want to go out with me, why don't you just say so! - SLAM! - I guess I told her. String 'em along then break their hearts. Right, Jon?
ga810420 -- The moon is right. - The time is right. - Good evening, ladies and germs. A funny thing happened on the way here tonight...
ga810421 -- A canary walks up to me the other day and he says, "I haven't had a bite in three days." So you know what I did? - I ate him! - Yah dah dah dah dah dah tappity tappity tappity
ga810422 -- O solo MEYOW - - I know you're out there. I can hear you breathing.
ga810423 -- My next song is for all you lovely ladies out there. - Heck with it. This is for you ugly ones, too. - BAP! BOP! BAP!
ga810424 -- AROOOO - THOCK! Ha ha! I was prepared this time. - KACHUNG!
ga810425 -- Take my dog...please. - What's that? - HOOK!
ga810426 -- BRING! - Good morning, Garfield. Here's your yummy breakfast. - SPLAT! Yuk. - scratch RIP! scratch - Chirp chirp - EEEEEK! - Just another day in the life of a typical cat.
ga810427 -- Why were cats placed upon this earth? - Why, to give people pleasure. - And to give dogs a hard way to go. SMACK!
ga810428 -- There's nothing like a steaming cup of coffee and a newspaper to get the day started. - - I'd enjoy it even more if I could read.
ga810429 -- ROWR - -
ga810430 -- Once again I venture into the wilderness in search of quarry. - I spot my prey, but I must make a clean kill. - Hamburgers can be vicious if they're only wounded.
ga810501 -- I eat too much, I sleep too much and I don't exercise at all. - There's certainly room for improvement. - I think I'll take up smoking.
ga810502 -- - gobble gobble gobble gobble - It's been a big day.
ga810503 -- - MROW OOOO - ROWRR UR - AROOOOOOO - Thanks for the date, Garfield. Take care, Arlene. -
ga810504 -- YAWN - POOMP! - I'll get you for this, Monday.
ga810505 -- - Ha ha. How can I resist you when you're cute? Help yourself, Garfield. - A fool and his lasagna are soon parted.
ga810506 -- - -
ga810507 -- How do you feel about jogging this morning, Garfield? - How do you feel about bleeding this morning. - I get your drift. Bright lad.
ga810508 -- If you want to eat, use this can opener, Garfield. - You know what to do with it. Yes, I do. - Gimme a steak.
ga810509 -- - Okay, who put eyeballs on my hamburger? -
ga810510 -- - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, GARFIELD?! - You were walking down the street minding your own business... - SNIFF You stopped to smell a flower... - When a big dog slipped up behind you... - CLOBBER - And beat the stuffing out of you. You are so
ga810510 -- right.
ga810511 -- Hey, Garfield, what do you think of my new wallpaper? - - I like it.
ga810512 -- If I were the cruel sort, I'd shove Odie off the table. - But I'm not. - Teddy bears, on the other hand... BOMP!
ga810513 -- GET OUT OF MY CHAIR. OUT! OUT! - Pooky wants to watch television . I guess I know where I fall in the order of things.
ga810514 -- I have a new diet for you, Garfield. You can eat all you want. - After eating five pounds of carrots! -
ga810515 -- Garfield, you hang around the house too much. - What can I do to interest you in the great outdoors? - You can screen it in and out a roof over it, for starters.
ga810516 -- - NAP ATTACK! - I hate him. Z
ga810517 -- I wonder if I could stand on just two feet? - Hey, this is great! I'm standing! - Now I can tap-dance. tap tap tap tappity tap tap - And I can reach the tabletop. - And drop-kick Odie. DROP KICK! - Garfield! Cats can't walk on their HIND
ga810517 -- FEET! - SMACK! See? Thanks a lot.
ga810518 -- Would you like to go camping, Garfield? - WHAT?! AND GET WET WHEN IT RAINS, FREEZE AT NIGHT AND GET THORNS IN MY PAWS?! - We'll have pan-baked lasagna. I'm packed. Let's go.
ga810519 -- Everything's packed for the camping trip, Garfield. Did I forget anything? - - Anything else? Yes, 250 miles of extension cord.
ga810520 -- - There's only one thing I like about cars. - The upholstered ceilings.
ga810521 -- - Garfield! Get out of there! - The light DOES turn off when the glove compartment is closed.
ga810522 -- boing boing - Are you bored, Garfield? - We'll find out how bored I am if I don't get to a litter box soon.
ga810523 -- Get out of the car, Garfield. - Let us bask in the sun and sleep with nature's creatures, Garfield. - Translation: "Let's bake our brains and lie on the ground with bugs and snakes, Garfield".
ga810524 -- Well, here we are in the wilds, Garfield. Keep a sharp eye out for wild animals. - WHAT?! - WHA...?! - You're just fooling me, aren't you? - - Oh, no, you don't, Garfield. - I'll wise up to your tricks if it's the last thing I do.
ga810525 -- Come on across the creek, Garfield. - I don't know why you cats are so afraid of a little mud. - You would be too if you had to wash yourself with your tongue.
ga810526 -- Welcome to our first night of camping, Garfield. enjoy. - ROAR! - You enjoy. I'll be waiting in the car.
ga810527 -- Lock your door, Garfield. This is a tough neighborhood. - I know. - How often do you see kids having a fire hydrant eating contest?
ga810528 -- - -
ga810529 -- - - Tell me that's not a traffic cop's hat you're wearing, Garfield. Okay, it's not a traffic cop's hat.
ga810530 -- I'm bored. I think I'll step out for some fresh air. - GARFIELD! WE ARE GOING OVER 50! - So I noticed.
ga810531 -- - Well, well, Here comes Arlene. - Hey, baby, what's happenin'? Buzz off, creep. - How about a gourmet dinner? I'm all yours! - - You really shouldn't have. Hang the expense. Only the best garbage for you, my dear.
ga810601 -- You again. Me again. - Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. - Now, stand aside, fatso. I have people to charm.
ga810602 -- Out! - You can scratch my chair, you can insult my mother, you can beat up my dog, and you can play with my rubber mousie... - But you don't eat my food and you don't sleep into my bed. Yes, sir.
ga810603 -- We cats are very independent. - We don't need attention. - Unless it's being given to someone else.
ga810604 -- Come here, Nermal. - Make yourself useful. - Where are you going? Trolling for dogs.
ga810605 -- - MINE! - Pooky is a one-cat teddy bear.
ga810606 -- I guess I'll be leaving. Must you rush? - If you insist, I'll stay. -
ga810607 -- - pat pat pat - - - - - - PUNT!
ga810608 -- Fetch, boy. - - Obedient...not very bright, but obedient.
ga810609 -- - - Oh, Garfield.
ga810610 -- BAP! - woinng - woinng
ga810611 -- - BARK! - Pets.
ga810612 -- BOP! - WHANGO - Nobody beats up on Odie but me.
ga810613 -- Do you know what I hate about dogs? - Dogs are so ... so ... so  - friendly.
ga810614 -- - PUNT! - - - boing! boing! boing! boing! - CRASH! - I love you when you're naughty.
ga810615 -- It's Monday. Nothing good ever happens to me on mondays. - So I'm going to stay in the middle of this big field all day, where I can't get hurt. - SPOING!
ga810616 -- Claire, baby! What say you and I go out tonight and paint the town red, sweets? - Yeh, maybe another time? - Now who should I call? Try Clods Anonymous.
ga810617 -- Hellooo, Mary. Say, good lookin', where have you been all my life? - I see...you lived on Main Street until you were two, then you moved to Rosewood where you presently reside. - Shall I ask her out, Garfield? Sounds like a match made in
ga810617 -- heaven.
ga810618 -- Hanging on the screen door was more dangerous in olden times when people threw their dishwater out. - GOOSH - Old habits die hard.
ga810619 -- I can hear them sneaking up behind me now. - They are crouching, getting ready to leap. - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GARFIELD! What a wonderful surprise!
ga810620 -- - - GARFIELD! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? SPEAK TO ME! I'm not speaking to you.
ga810621 -- - I'm bored. - Bored, bored bored. - There must be more things to do on a screen door than just hang there. - - - - Nice going, dummy.
ga810622 -- There you are, Garfield. A genuine Naugahyde leash. - How inhumane! How cruel! - Do you know how many naugas they killed to make this leash?
ga810623 -- - ROWRR!! - hop hop
ga810624 -- Where are you going, Jon? I'm breaking Garfield to the leash. - He doesn't like it much, does he? How can you tell?
ga810625 -- - -
ga810626 -- You wait here while I go into the store. - Leashes are the greatest things since sliced bread. - By the way, don't forget the frozen lasagna.
ga810627 -- You know, Garfield, I've come to realize leashes aren't right for cats. - Now there's a news flash for you. - Next he will come to realize icebergs weren't right for the Titanic.
ga810628 -- Sit up. - Roll over, Odie. - Speak. Urf. - Play dead. - Beg. - WHERE'S YOUR PRIDE?!
ga810629 -- I hate rain. - I'm so depressed. - Happiness is only a fair weather friend.
ga810630 -- - WAHCHOO! - Floral print.
ga810701 -- - WAHCHOO! - SNIFF
ga810702 -- Dear Garfield, How do I avoid the embarrassment of cat hair all over my house when I have company? Harried. - Simple. - Never invite anyone to your home again.
ga810703 -- I love sunny windowsills. - - And I hate open windows.
ga810704 -- - - Stay away from rocking chairs. Sound advice.
ga810705 -- - - - Oh yuk! - What did you drag that fish in for? - SMACK! BONK! - When a cat presents you with a dead, smelly thing, it's an expression of love, you twit.
ga810706 -- Here's a lesson in the natural order of things. - Cats use claws to climb up trees. - And fire departments to get down.
ga810707 -- What does Garfield the cat do when he's stuck up a tree? - Why what any honorable cat would do, of course. - WAHHH!
ga810708 -- I'm getting out of this tree. - BOING! - I didn't allow for my resilient nature.
ga810709 -- Poor me..stuck up a tree. - Things could be worse, I guess. -
ga810710 -- Why do I always get stuck up trees? - It must be the cat in me. - Right on.
ga810711 -- Come here, cat. ROWR! - ROWR FFT! Here you are, cat. kiss Thanks.
ga810712 -- Oh good, it's here. - This rubber burger should be good for some laughs. - CHOMP! - SPROING! - ROWR! Hee hee. - GRRRR HA! HA! HA! - - It was worth it.
ga810713 -- - - You could've asked me to pass the salt. Cats don't ask. Cats take.
ga810714 -- Just look at yourself, Garfield. You're becoming a soft, sugar dependent, grease-eating lard ball. Is that what you want? - YES! - Let me rephrase that...
ga810715 -- Some people say I'm fat. - Big deal, I love to eat. - Waddling and sweating is kind of fun too.
ga810716 -- - BASH! - Good morning, fatso. All I did was jump off the bed.
ga810717 -- It isn't healthy for a cat to be as big as you are, Garfield. - Why, you could get heart disease, get fallen arches... - Get harpooned. Couldn't resist it could you.
ga810718 -- - CRASH - Maybe I should go on diet.
ga810719 -- Let me give you a driving session, Garfield. - When you're as good a driver as I am, you drive defensively. - You look both ways at an intersection. - Then you proceed with caution. - HONK! SCREEEE! - Darn you, Garfield. I'm such a kidder.
ga810720 -- I think you're eating too much salt, Garfield. I'm going to take it out of your diet. - If you must. - But I'm sure going to miss my salt lick.
ga810721 -- I'm putting you on a diet, Garfield. OH NO! - I may have to resort to desperate emergency measures. - Like chasing mice.
ga810722 -- I'm going to start you on your diet slowly, Garfield. - For the rest of the week you may have no desserts. Fine and dandy. - Helloooo, main course.
ga810723 -- Hello, ice cream. Hello, hamburger. Hello, lasagna. - Get away from the refrigerator, Garfield. You're on a diet. - What were you doing? Just visiting some old friends.
ga810724 -- I'm on a diet again. What a bummer. - Soon there will be less of me around. - I'm going to miss me.
ga810725 -- - - The lost-your-will-to-live phase of the diet, huh? Let me die in peace.
ga810726 -- - - - - - - Going to do some singing on the ol' fence tonight? Music is my life.
ga810727 -- Hello. What's this? - - I hate mondays.
ga810728 -- Garfield, Garfield, Garfield. You ate my fern. I'm a bad boy. - Now I'll have to go buy another one. - I hope it tastes better than this one.
ga810729 -- - - MMMPH
ga810730 -- Good morning, Garfield. - Don't speak to me just yet. - Some people have no respect for slow risers.
ga810731 -- - - In the flower garden again, Garfield? How'd you guess?
ga810801 -- Do you know what this country needs? More dog pounds. - Anti-dog mines around fire hydrants! Dog hunting season! Dog traps! - Relax, Garfield. You're going to burst something. Why, millions could be saved on carpet cleaning bills alone.
ga810802 -- * - Garfield, lasagna! - - - I waxed the table today. When my bones knit, you are a dead man.
ga810803 -- - - You know it's Monday when you find sharks circling in your water bowl.
ga810804 -- I'm in the mood for a good fight, but I am personally opposed to senseless violence. - PUNT! - That's for not being a cat.
ga810805 -- Hey look, Garfield. This is my impression of a bowling ball. - SHOOP! - That was my impression of a vacuum cleaner.
ga810806 -- I feel like getting into a big fight today. - - Now I feel like holing up somewhere to whimper for a while.
ga810807 -- What do you want to do tonight, Garfield? Do you want to go jogging? Go to a movie? Play miniature golf. - Or would you rather go eat? - Natch.
ga810808 -- Do you take your cat everywhere? - Yes, we do everything together, my dear. - Except make passes at ugly waitresses.
ga810809 -- Here it comes, folks. - Tah-dah! - - Lasagna anyone? I'll pass. Nope. I'm on a diet. I think I'll wait for dessert. I just ate.
ga810810 -- I wonder where I should go on vacation. - Maybe France or Spain... - Or Mexico.
ga810811 -- Garfield, I've decided to take a vacation. Great! When do we leave? - I don't think you understand. I said "I", not "we". - Say you're just kidding. I think you understand.
ga810812 -- I can't believe Jon's not taking me on vacation. - Cats need vacations too. - All this eating and sleeping can wear a guy down.
ga810813 -- Aunt Gussie, would you take care of my cat while I'm gone on vacation? ...terrific! - You know aunt Gussie, Garfield. She's a sweet old lady. - How can you say that about someone who used to double date with Lizzie Borden?
ga810814 -- Garfield, meet aunt Gussie. - I'm tickled pink to meet you. - And you can color me unimpressed.
ga810815 -- While I'm gone take good care of Garfield. - And keep a close eye on him. He gets a lot of mischief. - Have fun, Garfield. Garfield?
ga810816 -- - pat pat pat - - POOMP! - I would have had to eat him to save face.
ga810817 -- Stowing away in Jon's suitcase is thirsty work. - GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK - Even after shave lotion tastes good if you're dry enough.
ga810818 -- Look out, sunny beaches. - Here comes Don Juan. - And his sidekick, Lawrence of Boxer Shorts.
ga810819 -- I can't believe you stowed away in my suitcase, Garfield. - I'll bet you don't even know where we are. - A tourist trap would be a safe assumption.
ga810820 -- That's the trouble with vacation spots. - This hamburger is terrible! - What do you expect for a lousy $23,50?
ga810821 -- This is the life, Garfield. - You know you're on vacation when you see women in bikinis, hibiscus blossoms in the pool... - And la cucarachas in the sock drawer.
ga810822 -- Pardon me...I believe I dropped my nobel peace prize around here somewhere. Beat it, crap. - -
ga810823 -- Hey, Garfield, guess what? - The dog next door is being given a birthday party today. - This brick should make a spiffy gift. - - BONK! YIP! - YIP! Happy birthday, dog. - - Hello, doctor? Do you think you could surgically remove my cat from a
ga810823 -- dog?
ga810824 -- Hey, Garfield. It says here they are holding auditions for a cat food commercial. - Would you be interested? - Have my agent give the script a look-see.
ga810825 -- To win the cat food commercial audition you'll have to be a convincing eater. - Can you handle that? Are you kidding? - When it comes to eating, I'm a genius.
ga810826 -- Imagine me doing a cat food commercial. - Next there'll be the movie offers, the screaming fans, the limousines... - Belly, you and I are going places.
ga810827 -- Is this where my cat auditions for the cat food commercial? Yeh. - Hey, Larry. Break out the wide-angle lens. - If I don't get the part, the director is going to be sporting those shades up his right nostril.
ga810828 -- Okay, food commercial audition take one, action! That stuff looks awful. - CUT! - You're supposed to eat it, cat. What's my motivation`
ga810829 -- Okay, cat food commercial audition take two, action! - Yuk! - Mmph grp bruf What's the director saying, Garfield? Loosely translated, I don't fit the part.
ga810830 -- - Good morning, Garfield. - - - SLUP - * Good morning *
ga810831 -- Well, if it isn't Nermal, the Shirley Temple of the feline set. - How's it going, Nermal? Oh, about the same. I'm overadored as usual. -
ga810901 -- Do you know why I hate Nermal? - It's not because he's so young , tiny and cute... - He reminds me I'm so old, fat and ugly.
ga810902 -- - I can't reach that pie, Nermal. What say we team up? -
ga810903 -- Maybe I could be as popular as Nermal if I learned to dance. - - I think I hurt something.
ga810904 -- MINE! - - Yours.
ga810905 -- Sorry you have to leave so soon, Nermal. But, I wasn't... - - I'm not afraid of him wearing out his welcome. I don't want him to break in a new one.
ga810906 -- I'll have a steak, fries and a large Cola. - And my cat here will have an order or lasagna. - WHAP! - Make that a double order. - BONK! - Perhaps a triple order. - GOOSH! - Heck with it. Give him the whole pan. And give it wings.
ga810907 -- - SWIPE! - I hate mondays.
ga810908 -- Hee hee - HA HA HA! - When you're built low to the ground, a walk in the grass can be ticklish.
ga810909 -- Hello, tree. Hello, flowers. - Hello, apteryx. -
ga810910 -- There you have it, folks. - Medical science has a cure for almost everything but the common cold... - And the early morning stares.
ga810911 -- Surprise, Garfield! I got you a scratching post. Gee, thanks. - - scratch scratch scratch
ga810912 -- YAWN - ARRRGH! - Why are you wearing my reading glasses? All the better to scane you with, my dear.
ga810913 -- - - rats! - I went and did it again. - Here I am, doomed to die again. If I stay up here I'll starve. If I jump I'll become a cat pancake. I hope someone rescues me. - Stuck up th tree again, Garfield? Help! Help!
ga810914 -- Rats, I'd like to sleep in this morning, but I'm hungry too. - * - Z
ga810915 -- Go fetch the paper, Odie. - -
ga810916 -- Ha ha ha! What a great plot, fine acting, super photography. - I love commercials.
ga810917 -- - - You're no longer a kitten, Garfield.
ga810918 -- If cats can run up trees, why can't cats run DOWN trees as well? - - Garfield, you are very, very stupid.
ga810919 -- Owning a pet is ideal for single people. We have companionship without the hassle of raising a family. - - Wipe your feet before coming into the house! Okay, dad.
ga810920 -- - Shoo, mice. Get out of my vitamin pills. - Mice get into everything. - Somebody could chase them out of here. - I wonder why they wanted the vitamins? - It beats me.
ga810921 -- Guess what, Garfield? We are going back to the farm. - It will be nice to get back in touch with mother nature. - When you find her, give her my best.
ga810922 -- It will be nice seeing mon and dad on the farm. - Maybe we can help with the chores, Garfield. No way. - I'd get dizzy rotating the crops.
ga810923 -- I'm bored...bored, bored bored. Things could be worse I guess. - SPLOOT - Bingo.
ga810924 -- It's just my luck to fall into a hog waller. - Nothing is less appealing than a muddy cat. - Hello there, good lookin'. Oh shut up.
ga810925 -- How can you hogs stand to lie in a waller all day? - The mud keeps the flies off and keeps us cool. - And if we ever get out, the mud dries instantly.
ga810926 -- It's time to go home, Garfield. Let me knock that mud off you. - CRACK! - Thanks...I think.
ga810927 -- ROWR! - Aw, wadda matter? Did Puppy tat hurt his paw? Let me give it a kiss. - KISS - There we go. All better. - - Pooey! Where's the disinfectant?
ga810928 -- I'm bored...bored, bored, bored. I hat Monday. I hate routine. - - RUMBA RUMBA SNORT RIP It's going to be one of those weeks.
ga810929 -- Where is it written I have to act like a cat?! - Why can't I act like a moose instead? - Stop being silly, Garfield. - Careful, fella. I've gored people for less than that.
ga810930 -- Hello, I'm a bluebird. - Garfield, you're too big to be acting this way. But I'm small for a sperm whale. - I'm thinking of getting you some professional psychiatric help. You mean there are AMATEUR psychiatrists?
ga811001 -- Doctor, I'm afraid my cat is having a nervous breakdown. - Z - Breakdown, maybe...nervous, no.
ga811002 -- I've psychoanalyzed your cat, Mr. Arbuckle... - He's just fine. Great! - It's good to know you're normal, Garfield. My friends call me moon unit.
ga811003 -- I'm glad you passed your psychological examination, Garfield. Isn't it great to know you're normal like everyone else? - - FWEEE
ga811004 -- dial dial dial - Hello, Joe's Garage? Can you look at my car? - I'd like to bring him in for a checkup. But I just had one. - You'd better flush out his system... - Tighten his hoses. - Replace all the worn parts. - Oh yes, and have him
ga811004 -- reupholstered. - Garfield? Abu Dhabi
ga811005 -- I hate Monday...it marks the beginning of a long week of drudgery with no end in sight. - And I don't even have a job. - I'm just a social chameleon.
ga811006 -- Here comes Arlene. One look from those dewy eyes turns me into jelly. I'd go to the ends of the earth for her. - - Touch my teddy bear and you'll be picking those false eyelashes off the ceiling, lady.
ga811007 -- - RRRRR - I thought you asked me to dinner. Old habits are hard to break.
ga811008 -- I love those pointy little ears of yours and those luscious ruby red lips. - And I love listening to the melodic strains of the wind whistling through the gap between your front teeth. - You went one to far, fella. You're cute when you're
ga811008 -- angry.
ga811009 -- You know, Arlene, you are the second most beautiful cat I've ever met. - Who is she? - "Who is she?" she asks.
ga811010 -- Let's go mousing. You go ahead. - How about a good night kiss? Forget it. - Lips that touch mice will never touch mine.
ga811011 -- - Here, catch, Garfield. - - Good boy! - I think I hear the paperboy. - Now I'm going to catch the morning paper. - - Stupid weekend edition.
ga811012 -- - Okay, Mr. Cat. You caught me. Go ahead and eat me. Don't worry about the fact I have seven kids at home. - I'm not going to eat you. Go home. To seven screaming kids? What kind of monster are you?
ga811013 -- I hear mice spread filth and disease. - Do you believe everything you hear? Yes. - I hear swinging a dead cat over your head by the full moon at midnight brings good luck. Touche.
ga811014 -- Tell me, mouse, what do you do for a living? - I pose for anti-vermin posters. A cute mouse like you? - That's very good.
ga811015 -- Look, cat, you need a reason to be kept here and I need food. I'll show up infront of your owner and you chase me off. You'll have a job and I'll have a place to live. - Won't Jon get suspicious when I keep chasing the same mouse? - I'll wear
ga811015 -- different wigs. You thought of everything.
ga811016 -- GARFIELD! A MOUSE! urp - - You're making me look bad, mouse. I'm too full to run.
ga811017 -- Why don't we run out there and eat all the food? My owner won't let us. - Then let's kill him. - It is not wise to rub out the hand that feeds you. Can I nibble the toes out of his sweat socks?
ga811018 -- - You know, some foods are funnier than others. - Beets are funny. - Liver...not funny. - Prunes are funny, potatoes aren't. - Chicken, now, that's funny. - How about pickles and kumquats for lunch, Garfield? - WAH HA HA!
ga811019 -- - FOOM! - You know it's Monday when you discover a land mine in your breakfast.
ga811020 -- Cats have extraordinary powers of perception. I sense an evil presence in this room. - - Make that a STUPID presence.
ga811021 -- pick pick - pick pick - Well, well, What have we here? Call it a nervous habit. pick
ga811022 -- scratch scratch scratch - scratch scratch - Timber.
ga811023 -- I wouldn't say you're fat, Garfield, but if you went on a diet, two underdeveloped nations would have enough to eat. - 5-4-3-2-1- -
ga811024 -- - click ARRGH! - Sorry, Garfield. I wish you'd warn me
ga811025 -- AROOOOOO - EROWRRR SHUT UP, STUPID CAT - ROWRRR EITHER CLOSE YOUR MOUTH OR I'LL CLOSE IT FOR YOU. - - Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. - Dictionary
ga811026 -- Z - Z - Z
ga811027 -- Z - * - You know it's Monday when wake up and it's Tuesday.
ga811028 -- - One step closer and I'll put that tongue in a splint. - You gotta speak their language.
ga811029 -- Some people say I'm mean, but they never knew my uncle Nick. He used to eat whole chickens. - But uncle Nick wasn't very bright. One day he jumped an ostrich by mistake. - His last words were: "That's the biggest chicken I ever saw."
ga811030 -- I'm stuck! I may have to spend the rest of my life in bed! - POP! - Darn.
ga811031 -- Oboy, what a night. - Don't press it, Garfield.
ga811101 -- - - - CHUNG!
ga811102 -- BARK BARK BARK - - I hate mondays.
ga811103 -- Could it be Jon bought a new pair of slacks? - Yes, they're new all right. - No cat hairs.
ga811104 -- Garfield! I didn't know cats could play guitars. - Sure, cats are natural guitarists. - We have built in picks.
ga811105 -- - -
ga811106 -- Oboy! Pizza! - Uh-oh. - Okay, who's in there? Ain't nobody here but us anchovies.
ga811107 -- tap tap tap tap tap tap tap - Garfield, leave Odie alone. tap tap tap tap -  tap tap tap tap tap tap A guy tries to have a little fun.
ga811108 -- - Garfield will be in here any minute to wake me for breakfast. - He'll pry my eye open to see if I'm awake. - Then he will tap dance eon my head. - And then he'll sit on my chest and breathe in my face until I get up! - - OKAY! OKAY! - What
ga811108 -- did I do?
ga811109 -- Look, Garfield. Mom made a sweater for you. - - I've never liked your mother.
ga811110 -- - -
ga811111 -- Oh, Garfield. - What happened to my candy caramels? - Mon't mook at meef
ga811112 -- Look at that beautiful sunset, Garfield. - It's nice having you to share it with. - You have something in your eye? Yes, a little speck of sentiment.
ga811113 -- What's so special about a pet-owner relationship, Garfield? - Could it be everyone needs someone to lord over? Could be. - But what do YOU get out of it?
ga811114 -- You know, Garfield... - I wonder what people would do without cats? Wither away and die, I suspect. - I wonder what cats would do without people? who'd change our kitty litter?
ga811115 -- - Ha, ha. Okay, Odie. - Have a steak. - ZIP! - Oh, very well, Garfield. - Have some bacon and eggs, . SPLAT! -
ga811116 -- I, Garfield The Cat, resolve to spend the entire week in bed. - Oh sure, the going may get tough at times... - But my sheer will and determination should resist the temptation to get up.
ga811117 -- Spending a whole week in bed isn't as easy as it looks. - It takes preparation. - Did you bring the party mix, Pooky?
ga811118 -- Garfield, are you going to stay in bed all week? Yup. - Dinner is on the table. - I think I'm going to cry.
ga811119 -- Hey, Garfield...figure this one out... - How do you plan to stay in bed all week and yet come to dinner too? -
ga811120 -- Heh heh. Just look at that. Garfield has his bed and his food. He's in kitty heaven. Cats have such simple pleasures. - -
ga811121 -- Spending an entire week in bed was fun. - But I crave more variety than that. - Now I think I'll spend an entire week in this easy chair.
ga811122 -- - - - - - - -
ga811123 -- BAT - FWIP FWIP FWIP - I'm beginning to dread mondays.
ga811124 -- So I'm stuck in a window blind, big deal. - The pain and humiliation I can handle. - It's losing the air of dignity that kills me.
ga811125 -- - -
ga811126 -- I'd cry out for help. - But I couldn't handle that. - Predicaments are embarrassing only when noticed by someone else.
ga811127 -- I'm going to get you out, Garfield. - But I'd like to do it without hurting the window blind. - It's things like this that let you know where you stand in life.
ga811128 -- VOILA! One cat out of the blind! - There's no need to thank me, Garfield. -
ga811129 -- - FLICK - AYIEEEEE - Z - Z -
ga811130 -- Here I am, Nermal, the world's cutest kitten! - What makes you think you're so cute? Simple, ALL kittens are cute until they grow into cats and become ugly. - I didn't have to hear that. I tell it like it is, baby cakes.
ga811201 -- I wonder how Nermal can stay so cute after all these years? - pat pat pat - I thought so. Mud Pack
ga811202 -- FOLD FOLD - Can I play too? Sure...grab hold. -
ga811203 -- SLEEP ON MY TEDDY BEAR, WILL YOU?! Z - Z - I wish I could do that. Z
ga811204 -- Garfield, I get the impression you don't like Nermal. - Nonsense. I love Nermal. - I JUST LOVE NERMAL! Uh...uh, Garfield.
ga811205 -- Hey, Nermal. Wanna race to the front door? - You win. SLAM
ga811206 -- - - - - - What are you doing back in bed, Garfield? It's not even noon yet. As far as I'm concerned, the day is over.
ga811207 -- Hey, Garfield. Let's spend today celebrating all that's good in mankind. - Let's do a good deed for a stranger, stop and smell a flower and compliment a friend. - That's a heavy thing to lay on a cat first thing in the morning.
ga811208 -- My what a nice looking tie. - What are you? Some kind of weirdo or something? - Some people aren't very nice, are they, Garfield? Welcome to planet earth, Jon.
ga811209 -- What's your philosophy of life, Garfield? - All the world's a cookie jar, and all the men and women merely crumbs. - And how do you feel about yourself? - I happen to be one of the chocolate chips.
ga811210 -- Isn't it a glorious morning, Garfield? Big, fat, hairy deal. - You know, Garfield, I have the feeling you're a cat with a little cynic in you. That's not true! - I'm a cynic with a little cat around me.
ga811211 -- Maybe Jon's right. Maybe I am to cynical. Maybe the world isn't as stupid as I think. - - Nah.
ga811212 -- Looking good, Garfield. - You still have it, you rascal. - An active imagination is a good thing.
ga811213 -- - Time passes slowly on a weekend. - A fly crawls up the wall. - One of those iridescent flies of fall. - Time passes slowly on a weekend. - That's my Jon. He's raised boredom to an art form.
ga811214 -- Actually, doctor, my cat doesn't need a checkup. - It was just an excuse to see you again. - Garfield! I didn't know you cared. No...me, doc...me.
ga811215 -- Tell me doc, if we were married, - would you be Mrs. Jon Arbuckle, or doctor Mrs. Jon Arbuckle, or Mrs. doctor Liz Arbuckle, or... - I hate to see a grown doctor cry.
ga811216 -- How about a date, Liz? And what do you have in mind? - I'd love to just hold your hand and gaze into your eyes. - I like that. It's amazing the headway you can make when you stop playing games.
ga811217 -- Tonight I am going to take Liz out SOLO. You are staying home, Garfield. - Where's my favorite tie? - I get to go with you, and the tie lives. What say we double date, old buddy?
ga811218 -- Good evening, Liz. I have a wonderful time planned for us. - We'll have dinner, go to a movie, and many more things too numerous to mention. - You brought the cat. That was one of the unmentionables.
ga811219 -- Thank you for a lovely date, Jon. - kiss - Yah tah tah tah, yah tah tah tah Human love...it's so glandular.
ga811220 -- - Huh, now where could the birds be? - I was looking forward to a mid-morning snack. - They must be elsewhere. - I guess I'll check back later. - GASP!
ga811221 -- I'm the kind of person who must see something to believe it. - - Yup, Newton was right.
ga811222 -- Oh no! Pooky! Where's your eye? - Don't worry, old buddy. I'll get you fixed up. - There's nothing more pathetic than a teddy bear with no depth perception.
ga811223 -- What would you like for Christmas, Garfield? World peace. - - Seriously though. - How about another button for Pooky here?
ga811224 -- And here's something for jolly old Saint Nick. - - Ho ho ho.
ga811225 -- Christmas spirit... - It's not the giving. It's not the receiving. - It's the loving. Merry Christmas.
ga811226 -- What a nice Christmas. I got an eye for my teddy bear, sand for my sandbox, and a new blanket. - This is what happiness is all about... - Security.
ga811227 -- Jon's mother certainly knows how to humiliate a guy. - This unraveled thread should be my ticket out of this sweater. - - - FREE! I'm FREE! - click click click Aw, mom.
ga811228 -- I wonder what today is? - I'm putting you on a diet today, Garfield. - Hellooo, Monday.
ga811229 -- Garfield! You can't eat that candy. It's too fattening. - - How many calories can it have for 59 cents?
ga811230 -- I've discovered the secret to dieting with no discomfort. - Don't move a muscle. - Eat no calories, burn no calories.
ga811231 -- Congratulations, Jon. Your cat has just made dieting medical history. How so? - He's suffering from sugar withdrawal... - And grease withdrawal, and starch withdrawal... And withdrawal withdrawal...
ga820101 -- I HAVE IT! - I'll make a million dollars. - Sympathy cards for dieters.
ga810102 -- Just what is a diet? - A diet is self-denial. - Fortunately, I'm such a swell fellow I haven't the heart to deny myself anything.
ga820103 -- Rise'n'shine, old buddy. Z - There's a bright new day out there, with new challenges. - Have some food. - Have some water. - YEA, GARFIELD! GET OUT THERE AND LIVE LIFE FOR ALL IT'S WORTH! CHARGE, BOY! - There's nothing tougher than
ga820103 -- kick-starting a cat.
ga820104 -- boing boing - Ha ha, aren't you cute! Here, have some food. - I hate myself when I do that.
ga820105 -- Did I ever tell you about my weird uncle Roy? He had a species change operation. He had himself changed to a dog. - It was tragic. - He chased himself to death.
ga820106 -- Here's how to handle a fierce animal. - Show no fear. - And show no pain.
ga820107 -- If I'm quiet enough I should be able to prepare this lasagna all for myself. - Hark! Isn't that the sound of a lasagna noodle being laid on a bed of ricotta cheese? - Uncanny. Come on, come on. Bake that dude.
ga820108 -- I think I'll do some caterwauling tonight. - CRASH! - HOLD IT! WAIT TILL I'M ON THE FENCE, YOU TWIT!
ga820109 -- For my first selection, I'd like to... - CHUKUNG! - Obviously, sir, you are not a patron of the arts!
ga820110 -- Hello there, Nermal. - Garfield! Where's Nermal? You didn't stuff him in that breadbox did you? - Thank heavens! - - What kind of an animal does Jon think I am? - Urf Shut up, Odie.
ga820111 -- - - Garfield! What happened! - Quick! Get the license number of that dog!
ga820112 -- - - Any sudden moves toward my food bowl can get you into a heap of trouble, boy.
ga820113 -- - - What the... Ribbit.
ga820114 -- Choose your weapon, Odie. - We shall now duel with newspapers. - At one pace! WHAP!
ga820115 -- Near miss. - Near miss. - Direct hit.
ga820116 -- Okay, Odie, you have your polled up newspaper. I have mine. Let's have at it! - WHAP! - Weekend edition.
ga820117 -- - BARK! SPLAT! - I really envy you, Odie. - - POW - Imagine...the first house pet on the moon.
ga820118 -- - Good morning... - ...Garfield. Caffeine makes me nervous.
ga820119 -- - Odie! Dogs can't climb trees! - It's amazing what one can accomplish when one doesn't know what one can't do.
ga820120 -- How are you boys going to get out of the tree? - I don't know how I'm getting out of the tree. - As for Odie...
ga820121 -- Hey, Garfield, how are you going to get out of that tree! - Boing! Boing! - Why, by using my head...and Jon's, and Odie's.
ga820122 -- Look, Garfield, a robin's nest. You can tell it by the eggs. That's nothing. - Look over here. - A cow's nest.
ga820123 -- Oh-oh. I got a nibble! - - Darn, jerked too hard again.
ga820124 -- - Here I am in the land of large breakfasts. - This giant pancake sure tastes good. - - What a nice dream. - Where's my blanket?
ga820125 -- Grandma, this is my cat, Garfield. Well it'll be! Heavens to Betsy! Land o' Goshen! - I remember back when all we had were wood-burning cats. - What won't they think of next?! Bizzare.
ga820126 -- You know, Garfield, to make it through this old life, you have to be a little crazy. You said it, grandma. - Why, just look at me. - I talk to cats.
ga820127 -- Hello, Garfield. - Out of the way, dog! - I think I love you.
ga820128 -- My Hubby passed away 31 years ago, Garfield. - I don't know what I would have done without my cats. - I've wiled away many a lonely hour rocking and stroking my cats. I envy those cats.
ga820129 -- You're looking a little stiff, Garfield. - What you need is a lemon tea rub and a glass of hot horse liniment. - Or is that a liniment rub and a glass of hot lemon tea?
ga820130 -- Grandma's leaving now, Garfield. - So long, grandma. So long, Garfield. - You liked her didn't you, Garfield? Back when they made her, things were built to last.
ga820131 -- rrrr - GARFIELD! LUNCH TIME! - GARFIELD! WHERE ARE YOU? - - SCREEE - It is time for you to eat, majesty. If I must.
ga820201 -- - KABOOM - I hate mondays.
ga820202 -- - -
ga820203 -- Snack attack! - Maybe just a sandwich. - One ham on rye coming up.
ga820204 -- A banana has two uses. - Food... - and entertainment.
ga820205 -- Look at that beautiful rainbow, Garfield. - Just think. At the end of each rainbow is a pot of gold. - There's nothing like a healthy respect for mother nature laced with a little greed.
ga820206 -- - I like you, Odie. - In the catnip again, Garfield?
ga820207 -- Pooky, with your help we should get Jon's steak dinner tonight. - Don't worry, old buddy. I'll sew you back up when we're done. - - tap tap - - Let me get this straight...you say your cat's teddy bear ate your dinner? Biggest appetite for a
ga820207 -- teddy bear I've ever seen.
ga820208 -- Eat that or else, Garfield. - I think I'll... - else.
ga820209 -- - -
ga820210 -- Be careful! - We'll all be killed! - I haven't started the car yet, Garfield. That's it! Let me out.
ga820211 -- - - I didn't want my sundae to melt while I was eating it.
ga820212 -- CLICK! - SHOOP! - Faster than the speed of dark.
ga820213 -- - - My ivory-stemmed, mother-of-pearl inlaind meerschaum! My blow toy.
ga820214 -- You know you're a very lucky cat, Garfield. - You have just about everything a cat could want. - You have your sanctum sanctorum. My hidey-hole. - You have your teddy bear. My confidant. - You have your dog. My scratching post. - And you have
ga820214 -- me, your loving companion. My food-fixer and litter box changer.
ga820215 -- - - We must do something about your breath, Garfield. It's not my fault you left the garlic cheese out last night.
ga830216 -- Rather than fix your breakfast every day, Garfield, I've decided to let you serve yourself. - - Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.
ga820217 -- I don't believe I ate that whole bag of cat food. - I'd better jog some of this tummy off. -
ga820218 -- I really don't like myself when I'm this fat. - swipe! - I can't even enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
ga820219 -- Sit up, Garfield. Sit up. - - Sad.
ga820220 -- Oboy! My feet can touch the floor again! - - Garfield, Garfield, Garfield.
ga820221 -- What a dysmal day. - I hate rain. - I hate spiders. - SPIDERS?! - - I hate spiders more than I hate rain.
ga820222 -- - - I hate mondays.
ga820223 -- - - Just staying in shape in case I ever get that hungry.
ga820224 -- What time is it, Garfield? - - What am I doing? A can't tell time.
ga820225 -- Dear Garfield, My dog chases my cat all over the home. How can I make them get along? - There's only one sure way to improve their relationship. - Shoot the dog.
ga820226 -- - Okay, Garfield. One bite. -
ga820227 -- Cough cough. - GASP! - Okay, no more dry cat food.
ga820228 -- Phobias are funny things. - I am absolutely fearless except where spiders are concerned. - Hello, snake. - How are you? - Isn't that strange? Spiders scare me, but snakes don't scare me. - NOW snakes scare me.
ga820301 -- Dinner is ready, Garfield. - I moved the table over here.
ga820302 -- CRUNCH - crunch crunch crunch - That frozen pizza would be much better if you baked it first.
ga820303 -- Here, Odie. - - I got you a rubber bone.
ga820304 -- - -
ga820305 -- smack! slurp! - You have the manners of a pig, Garfield. Slow down and spit out the seeds. - rata tata tata tata
ga820306 -- - -
ga820307 -- What do you think, Garfield? Don't ask. - There's nothing like camping out in cold weather. That's for sure. - As the temperature drops, the circulation gets going. And the feet get numb. - This is nature at her best! I'd settle for less. - We
ga820307 -- have everything...our fire, our shelter... - Our coffee on a stick.
ga820308 -- What a dismal day. I think I'll stay in bed all day. - Good morning, Garfield. It's a beautiful day today. - What a beautiful day. I think I'll stay in bed all day.
ga820309 -- Hey, Garfield, you know the dog next door? What a loser. A real jerk. I hate him. - He moved away yesterday. - A prince of a dog. I'll miss him, The neighborhood won't be the same without him.
ga820310 -- - AHCHOO! - sniff Gesundheit.
ga820311 -- And now a word from our sponsor. - ZOOM - Welcome back.
ga820312 -- Okay, Odie, you push the cake off and I'll catch it. - DON'T TIP IT! DON'T TIP IT! - You tipped it.
ga820313 -- - PUNT - Have you kicked your dog today?
ga820314 -- Hey, Garfield, my pictures just came in. Whoopty-doo. - I love pictures. Paper memories of plastic people. - What's this? - - - - - You've been playing with my camera again, haven't you, Garfield? Who me? The Leonardo da Vinci of the
ga820314 -- shutterbug set?
ga820315 -- - -
ga820316 -- Z - Z - Mmmph fmoph fweef That is correct. It is time to get up.
ga820317 -- - MAD DOG! MAD DOG! - Stay out of my whipped cream, Odie.
ga820318 -- Garfield has the unique ability to hear a can opener from anywhere in the house. - Wha... -
ga820319 -- Here's a new cat food. See what you think, Garfield. sniff - - What are you doing? With all this horse meat, there has to be a pony here somewhere.
ga820320 -- Odie's asleep and nobody's watching. Z - pat pat - I keep my affection in the closet. Z
ga820321 -- - - - Last one in's a rotten egg! - - You first, Pooky. - Back flip! -
ga820322 -- ROWR - BOOT - And now for the main attraction.
ga820323 -- Testing, one, two. Testing, one, two. ROWR - Can you hear me there in the back? - Good.
ga820324 -- I love show business. Gimme the full moon. Gimme the fence. - KAWHOCK! - Gimme the broken teeth. Gimme the multiple lacerations.
ga820325 -- 'cause momma was a great old gallll *MROOW* - - Thank you for that large round of indifference.
ga820326 -- What's the difference between a dog and an eggplant? - About three IQ points. - BAP! BOP! BOOP!
ga820327 -- tappity tappity tappity - - Okay...who waxed the fench?
ga820328 -- - CHOMP! SLURP! GULP! - - - Z - Stay out of my dreams.
ga820329 -- - peep peep peep peep peep peep - It looks like there will be a bumper crop of cat food this year.
ga820330 -- - - I wish Odie would finish what he starts.
ga820331 -- - - Bone breath!
ga820401 -- - - Too much rope.
ga820402 -- - Don't you dare walk across the table with those muddy feet. -
ga820403 -- * - * - I must have a blown fuse.
ga820404 -- I'm gonna have some fun with this boomerang. - Fetch the stick, Odie. - - The dumb cluck will never catch that boomerang. - GAWANGA! - -
ga820405 -- - - It looks as though I'm on another diet.
ga820406 -- RRRRRR - ROWR! - Not good.
ga820407 -- When I diet, I get mean. - - When I diet, I also get weak.
ga820408 -- Oh, no! Pooky's broken a stitch! - WAHHHH! - When I diet, I get emotional.
ga820409 -- Uh-oh - -
ga820410 -- When I'm off this diet, I'm going to eat lasagna, cake, ice cream, mashed potatoes... - - I just gained two pounds!
ga820411 -- sproing - FOOM! - - boink - BEEP! BEEP! - BZT - Just as I thought. All the warranties expired yesterday.
ga820412 -- Hey, Arlene, gimme a kiss. - KISS - It's time I reevaluated my previously hard-line stand against declawing cats.
ga820413 -- What say we go find something to eat? Is that all you think about-food? - Of course not, love... - This business of sleeping holds a great deal of fascination for me. A real renaissance man.
ga820414 -- Food, food, food, is that all you think about, Garfield? That's about it. - So what am I, chopped liver? - Don't flatter yourself. He certainly knows how to make a girl feel good.
ga820415 -- Do you know what I like about women? - They are so soft. - Come to think of it...
ga820416 -- PURRR - PURRR - Sorry about that, Arlene.
ga820417 -- Okay, Garfield. - I caught the mouse and ate it. - You can open your eyes now.
ga820418 -- Well, well, what have we here? - You're lucky this fence is between us, dog. - Come on, put 'em up. - Take that! BOP! - Hey, chicken, come back here and fight like a man. - - You had to paint the gate today. SMACK!
ga820419 --  Let's go for a walk, Garfield. - It's going to be a beautiful day for a stroll. - Jon should have been a meteorologist.
ga820420 -- - I think Odie's getting a idea. - * Odie's not too bright.
ga820421 -- I'm so clever. - Some bird is really going to be surprised. - As well as some cat. sniff sniff
ga820422 -- What's that? - There must be a leak in the roof. - If it isn't a leak in the roof, I don't want to know what it is.
ga820423 -- Would you like a steak, Odie? - -You didn't say, "may I?"
ga820424 -- Hey, Odie, how about a free trip to Loose Tooth City? - WHIRRRR! - I gotta cut back on my follow-through.
ga820425 -- Z - Z - - Don't worry, Odie, old buddy. I'll get you down. Ork Ork - - PTU! POW! - Close enough.
ga820426 -- I love television. - Where else can you see significant world events? Where else can you see the great opera and ballet? - Where else can you see Lorenzo the Woodchuck race a steam locomotive over Ricky the Rat?
ga820427 -- Why all this flap about television? - They say families don't visit anymore... - Why, that's what commercials are for.
ga820428 -- I consider television a worthwhile pursuit. - Why, watching daytime television is even better than...uh...better...than... - I hate talking myself into corners.
ga820429 -- Welcome to the Rocky Oxnard - SHOW - .... .... .... .. . I always turn the volume knob the wrong way.
ga820430 -- - - I gotta fix that vertical hold.
ga820501 -- We'll be right back after this word from our sponsor. - "Sasquatch" - Welcome back.
ga820502 -- - I just got comfortable, Garfield. Do you ABSOLUTELY have to be let out? - Oh, yes. - Very well, then. - Sucker.
ga820503 -- Guess where we're going, Garfield? To a hayseed convention? - Yesiree, we're gonna see mom and dad on the farm. We're gonna slop the pigs and pluck the chickens, boy howdy. We're gonna have us a time. - That is, if your father doesn't beat
ga820503 -- the heck out of you for doing that stupid stereotype.
ga820504 -- Mom! - Son! - Son? Mom?
ga820505 -- How have you been, mom? Never mind that. - Here, eat, eat, eat. - You're my kind of woman.
ga820506 -- Then, once the potato is dug up, it is sliced, deep-fried, salted and bagged. voila, you have your potato chip. - I hate knowing where food comes from... - All the magic is gone.
ga820507 -- Hurry up with that hay, son. Supper's waitin' - Son? - Long time, no farm, huh, Jon?
ga820508 -- We had fun visiting the farm, didn't we, Garfield? Speak for yourself, Jon. - It's great getting back to basics, putting your hands in old mother earth. - But I'll never get these fingernails clean. A real man of the land.
ga820509 -- - screeee crunch! - yabba! yabba! yabba! - sock! - Human beings...why do they yell at each other? Why do they hurt each other? - URF! - What do YOU know? WOING!
ga820510 -- Just what is a Monday? - plip - Monday is a day designed to add depression to an otherwise happy week.
ga820511 -- Just what is life? Life is a lot like a hot bath. - It feels good while you're in it. - But the longer you stay...the more wrinkled you get.
ga820512 -- Just what is television? - Television not only gives the eyeballs something to do. - But it's a socially acceptable excuse to snack.
ga820513 -- Just what is a goldfish? - A goldfish is an aquatic expression of beauty and grace that provides its observers with many hours of blissful meditation. - It also makes a darn fine breakfast.
ga820514 -- Just what is a dog? - Let me put it this way... - If a dog were a faucet, it would leak.
ga820515 -- Just what is a cat? A cat is a furry animal, complete with dog nibblers and furniture shredders. - HACK! - The hairballs in the throat are also standard equipment.
ga820516 -- - - SPLAT! - - - SPLOOSH - Why is it cats chase butterflies? Is it instinct, or is it just stupidity? - - Probably stupidity.
ga820517 -- YAWN - - What happened to you? I got up on the wrong side of the bed.
ga820518 -- - CHUG! - You're a real bear until you've had your first cup of coffee, aren't you? And then I'm the sweetest so-and-so around.
ga820519 -- Let's go for a walk, Garfield. I'm not going for a walk. - You're going for a walk. I'm not going for a walk. - YOU'RE GOING FOR A WALK IF I HAVE TO CARRY YOU! I can't argue with that logic.
ga820520 -- You really should think about jogging, Garfield. It's 50% mental, you know. It is? - GREAT! - Jog, jog, jog, jog, jog, jog, pant, pant, sweat. - I'll work on the other 50% some other time.
ga820521 -- I'll cut the lasagna in two pieces, and you take first pick. - - It's getting cold, Garfield.
ga820522 -- - - They don't make trees like they used to.
ga820523 -- * - (click) EEEEEEEE! - (click) You know, pleasure motors. - (click) - (click) Hi yuh, kids! - PIC A STATION AND STAY WITH IT, GARFIELD. click!
ga820524 -- - blut blut blut blut blut - When are you going to learn to control that temper of yours, Garfield? The exact same instant they invent an easy pouring catsup.
ga820525 -- Any cat can use a bottle opener. - But it takes a real man to use his teeth. - A real STUPID man.
ga820526 -- What are you planting, Garfield? - - Birdseed?
ga820527 -- ODIE! CUT THAT OUT! OWOOO - AROOO - EROOW
ga820528 -- - What this dog needs is a poomp. - POOMP
ga820529 -- ROW!! - EROOOO - Good morning, Garfield. I'm sorry. Did I wake you?
ga820530 -- - - - SNAP - - BLAT! - Is it windy out, Garfield? Not so you'd notice.
ga820531 -- - -
ga820601 -- - -
ga820602 -- - -
ga820603 -- lap lap lap - lap lap -
ga820604 -- Ah ah ah - WAH-CHOO! - sniff
ga820605 -- Ah ha ah - WAH-CHOO! -
ga820606 -- - - I love you, bunny rabbit. - I love you too, deer. - I love you all . What the...? I brought some friends home for dinner.
ga820607 -- Let's see, what should I do this week? - BARK! - Bingo.
ga820608 -- Here I am just swaying in the breeze like so much laundry put out to dry. - Suspended from a tree limb like an orange ripening in the sun. - Poetic, yes, but I doubt if it's material for an action-packed mystery thriller.
ga820609 -- Boy, my arms are getting tired. - -
ga820610 -- Good! Here comes help! - Hang in there, baby. Ha ha. - I can see the headlines: "Cat kills jocular passer-by".
ga820611 -- I can't believe I've been hanging in this tree all week. - - Now I can.
ga820612 -- - Getting out of this tree will be simpler than I thought. -
ga820613 -- Hello. - Haven't we met somewhere before? Perhaps a pasta place in Palermo? - What's that? Oh no, my dear. Even though you are just a lasagna, I admire you for this mind. - You know I can't resist you when you wear garlic sauce on your
ga820613 -- noodles. - This could be the start of a long and meaningful relationship. - - I despise long engagements.
ga820614 -- Wow. I'm going to be four years old this saturday. - It's time to reflect upon my accomplishments. It's time to reminisce about good times... - It's time to lie about my age.
ga820615 -- Face it, Garfield, you're not getting any younger. - I wish there were something I could do about the aging process. - I'd do sit-ups, but I couldn't stand the noise.
ga820616 -- - Yawn. - You know you're getting older when your favorite late night show is the six o'clock news.
ga820617 -- - -
ga820618 -- It hardly seems possible I'm celebrating my fourth birthday tomorrow. - BARK! SPLAT! - Time flies when you're having fun.
ga820619 -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GARFIELD! - GULP! - Maybe you should have blown the candles out first.
ga820620 -- - - - - YAWN - - Did you ever have a time when you wish your pets could speak?
ga820621 -- - Hello. I'm Nermal, the world's cutest kitten, here to do cute kitten things in order to charm the pants off your owner and point out how uncute you are. - I hate Monday.
ga820622 -- Gimme that. - I fail to see what's so cute about yarn. - Or kittens for that matter.
ga820623 -- - Gee, since Nermal isn't here, I'll eat his food, too. -
ga820624 -- Okay, Nermal, go ahead and jump. - I'll have you out of there in two shakes of a cat's tail. - Or is that two shakes of a lamb's tail?
ga820625 -- Come on, Nermal. Let's fight. - ROWR! - What a revolting development this is.
ga820626 -- Let's have some fun, Nermal. - I'll tie you in nice and safe. - See yuh.
ga820627 -- - SPLUT - Don't you dare laugh. I hate it when someone has a laugh at my expense. - SPLAT - If I laugh, Garfield will kill me. If I don't laugh, I'll burst. - WAH HA HA HA! - Ha ha ha, whee.
ga820628 -- - - It's time you go on another diet, Garfield.
ga820629 -- Just what is a diet? - A diet is too little of a good thing. A diet is making a molehill out of a mountain. - A diet is the subject of a lot of stupid platitudes.
ga820630 -- I hate diets. - I'd get out of bed to have breakfast. - But it's not worth the trip.
ga820701 -- I'm strong. I can handle this diet. - sniff - Then why do I feel like I've just lost my best friend?
ga820702 -- That apple is all you're getting for dinner, Garfield. - -
ga820703 -- Gimme food. Lots of it. And right now. - Yes, sir. - Two adjectives never used to describe a cat are: "wishy" and "washy".
ga820704 -- I'm bored...bored, bored, bored. - There must be more to life than this. I'm going to find some excitement. - YUK! - You're out of your territory, aren't you, fella? - Hello there, stray cat. - - Where have you been? Cultivating a healthy
ga820704 -- dislike for excitement.
ga820705 -- In our fast-paced world, relaxation is practically a lost art. - Z - Practically.
ga820706 -- Here you go, Garfield. Table scraps! - SPLAT! - That's dog food.
ga820707 -- Aren't you cute. - ROWR! - Why, you vicious brute! What happened to "cute"?
ga820708 -- This is a Garfield push-up. - Z - One.
ga820709 -- - - Don't look in here, Jon. It's not a pretty sight.
ga820710 -- I wish Jon would get married. - FWEEE - The only way he knows my dinner is ready, is when it sets off the smoke alarm.
ga820711 -- - - - - - Touch my food and you're one dead dog.
ga820712 -- My fear of mondays is really childish. - I must learn to face them like a man. - You first, Pooky.
ga820713 -- What's that you say, little fella? - Oh, very well. I'll hold you. - Pooky needs me.
ga820714 -- GOBBLE! SMACK! SLURP! - GARFIELD! Uh-oh. - Stay right where you are or the teddy bear gets it.
ga820715 -- You lead a very special life, Pooky. - You don't have to fight within dogs. You don't have to sleep. You don't have to eat. - I feel sorry for you.
ga820716 -- - - I know, I know.
ga820717 -- - -
ga820718 -- * - * - Did you whistle at my girl? No, sir. I didn't. - ROWR! - It was my cat! It was my cat! - Well, I hope you're happy. *
ga820719 -- It's been a long time since I heard a good "splut" - PUNT - SPLUT
ga820720 -- BARK! splut - - BARK! splut
ga820721 -- Garfield, I wouldn't say you're fat... - But Herman Melville wants to write a book about you. - SPLUT
ga820722 -- Uh-oh! Too hard! - Why haven't those eggs come down? Maybe they stuck to the ceiling. Maybe I should look. - SPLUT
ga820723 -- splut splut - blat blat blat - SPLUT
ga820724 -- No one knows the trepidation I feel knowing somewhere out there is a "splut" with my name on it. - Oop! - SPLUT
ga820725 -- Surprise, Garfield! - There are prizes at the bottom of the cat food. - BANZAI! - munch munch - munch munch - tweet tweet - tweet tweet
ga820726 -- Just what is prowling? Let me show you. - This is walking. - This is prowling.
ga820727 -- Nobody knows just why cats love to prowl at night. - BONK! - And neither do I.
ga820728 -- Say there, little lady, what are you doing out on a night like this? Going for a stroll. - You'd better sty by old Garfield's side. The night is fraught with peril. -
ga820729 -- Nighttime is magic to cats. Cats are very comfortable with darkness. - KLUNK KLUNK - Especially if their darn flashlights don't work.
ga820730 -- - ARRRGH! - You're supposed to be on my side!
ga820731 -- What should I do this weekend? - CLICK! - I think I'll just sit around and blink a lot.
ga820801 -- - - YAWN - - - - I hate to eat alone.
ga820802 -- I hate Monday...something bad always happens to me on Monday. It's just a matter of time now... - The suspense is killing me. - DO IT TO ME NOW, MONDAY! GET IT OVER WITH!
ga820803 -- Life is like a poker game. - If you don't win... - You lose.
ga820804 -- YAWN - twang twang - Have you ever awakened with a whisker you just couldn't do anything with?
ga820805 -- - BARK - I hate dogs.
ga820806 -- It's dinner time, Garfield. - GARFIEEELD BONG! BONG! BONG! - You rang?
ga820807 -- I wonder what this machine is. click - whirrrr ZIP SPLAT - It's obviously some sort of cat torture device.
ga820808 -- The time is right. - This looks like the perfect spot for a clandestine rendezvous. - Here comes my double agent now. - Eeeawwkey, 43, and the letter c - an infant in your lap may dampen your spirits. - Uh-oh! It's counter intelligence! -
ga820808 -- Down in front, Garfield. QUIET, YOU FOOL! YOU COULD BLOW MY COVER!
ga820809 -- Hmmm. A hollow stump with a thing in it...I gotta find out what it is. rrrr - RRRRRRR - Tuesday.
ga820810 -- Even though "curiosity killed the cat" is just a silly superstition, I must know what's in this stump. rrrr - ROAR! rip! chomp SNORT! - Ha ha ha, silly me.
ga820811 -- I'm going to give that thing in the stump a taste of this rock. - Munch, munch, ptooey! - I didn't know stones had bones. burp
ga820812 -- All right, whatever you are, come out of there! rrrr - You? A mouse was making all that noise? - This stump has really great acoustics.
ga820813 -- I can't believe you were the thing in the stump that's been scaring me all week. - Why, I'm gonna... - Down, Guido, down.
ga820814 -- I've learned my lesson. I'm not messing with things in hollow stumps again. rrrr - I'm going home where it's safe. - rrrr rrr Oh, no.
ga820815 -- It's show time! - Some day I'm gonna be the greatest caterwauler in the world. They're gonna call me "Cats Wauler". - ROWR! - CHUKONG! - AROOO - WHOCK! - Why do you do it, Garfield? Dues. I'm just paying my dues.
ga820816 -- crunch crunch crunch - I know you're hungry, Garfield. crunch crunch - But what say I boil that spaghetti first? It is a tad firm.
ga820817 -- I'll see you later, Garfield. I'm going to the supermarket. - Let's see...I have my shopping list, my keys... - Don't forget your shopping bag.
ga820818 -- Supermarkets are like a giant United Nations of Food. - You have coffee from Brazil, cheese from France, beef from Australia... - And lasagna from heaven.
ga820819 -- One frozen lasagna. - Two frozen pizzas. - One frozen pasta freak.
ga820820 -- Whew! Last trip. - GULP! SNORT! RIP! MUNCH - DARN YOU, GARFIELD! Now I have to go back to the store. Not on my account, really.
ga820821 -- Oh, boy, do I love food. - If I couldn't eat food, I'd just die. - Sage, Garfield, sage.
ga820822 -- - Holy moley! - Here, boy, sniff. - - CHOMP - RRRRRRR - Dogs, you can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em.
ga820823 -- I'm hungry...nah, I'm too tired to be hungry...nah, I'm too depressed to be tired. - Yup. - It's Monday.
ga820824 -- Rats...I can't shake this deep blue funk I'm in. - No doubt about it... - This week is gonna be one long Monday.
ga820825 -- Oh boy am I depressed. I'm fat, I'm lazy, nobody likes me... - Good morning, ol' buddy. It's another beautiful day. - Quiet. I'm on a roll.
ga820826 -- Nobody likes me. What's the matter with you, Garfield? - I SAID NOBODY LIKES ME! WHOCK! BONK! - Nobody likes me, and nobody listens anymore.
ga820827 -- I'm starting to lose my depression. I gotta do something. - - Much better.
ga820828 -- I love you, Garfield. Leave me alone. I want to be depressed. - Tickle! Tickle! Tickle! Hee hee - Feel better, Garfield? I'll get you for this, Jon.
ga820829 -- - It seems like I've been lost in this jungle for days with nothing to eat. - I'd eat berries, but there's no sugar and cream. - Where's a four-star french restaurant when you need one? - FOOD! - - Dr. Livingston, I presume.
ga820830 -- Look out, world! Here comes the caped avenger! - Oh, sure, super-hero crime fighters make for an old, overused story line... - But have you ever heard of a fat, weak one?
ga820831 -- The caped avenger steps into the seamy underworld and reasserts his noble code. - "I will seek out evil wherever it may lurk and destroy it". - Unless, of course, there is the slightest possibility of harm to my person.
ga820901 -- - -
ga820902 -- dribble dribble dribble The caped avenger must pummel this evil dog. - - dribble dribble dribble - The caped avenger displays a rare show of compassion.
ga820903 -- The caped avenger spots some evil that must be severely dealt with. - WHAM! BIFF! BAM! - The caped avenger would be a more effective crime fighter if he didn't have to use one hand to hold his cape up.
ga820904 -- This cape is the source of my power, the source of my identity. - - The source of my security.
ga820905 -- * - * - - Oh my, what a beautiful baby! - Normally I don't like babies... - But this one is special. - I'm such a sentimental slob.
ga820906 -- This week I'm going to change my ways. I'm going to begin by no longer hating mondays. - I'm crazy about mondays. I just love mondays. - Now I'm only fond of mondays.
ga820907 -- I resolve to stop being fat, lazy and cynical. I shall now rise at an early hour. - - Z
ga820908 -- As long as I'm improving myself this week, I might as well try to get along with Odie. - Come here, Odie. Give me a big hug. - Yuk.
ga820909 -- I shall now use sheer willpower to resist eating that hamburger. - Unnngh - WAH! I'm beginning to worry about Garfield.
ga820910 -- This self-improvement bit is beginning to bug me. I feel like a goody-two-shoes. - Maybe my old personality wasn't all that bad... - The gluttony, laziness and cynism lent a little texture.
ga820911 -- I'm sick of this self-improvement kick. - I'M FAT, I'M LAZY AND I'M CYNICAL! - I admire that in a cat.
ga820912 -- - WHAP! - chuking - Catch, Garfield. - BONK! - - Ever have a day when your timing was all off?
ga820913 -- OH, NO! - I am DEFINITELY not getting out of bed today. - Not on Monday the 13th.
ga820914 -- - -
ga820915 -- Yuk! - Although cats are finicky eaters... - "Hunger strike" isn't exactly in our vocabulary.
ga820916 -- fwip - - I don't understand you, Garfield. Where's your sense of adventure?
ga820917 -- - Gimme that hamburger. - You get a lot more accomplished if you do it with authority.
ga820918 -- - -
ga820919 -- rrrrr rrrrr - roof meyow - RAWF! FFFT! - BARK! ROWR! - MROWR - BARK - You win.
ga820920 -- - -
ga820921 -- - splat! - A very short but neat rain shower.
ga820922 -- - -
ga820923 -- Pardon me, which is the way to Cincinnati? - Thanks. - I see by the ol' writing on the wall it's time to check myself into the funny farm.
ga820924 -- - -
ga820925 -- Look at all those tiny ants going to the tiny beach to do some swimming. - Uh-oh. A tiny minnow is cruising in to eat the swimmers. - Uh-oh. The minnow just got harpooned by an ant who bears a striking resemblance to Robert Shaw.
ga820926 -- WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - WHAM! WHAM! I don't like the sound of this. - Surprise, Garfield! What have we here? - We now have two houses. A big one and this little one. A regular Taj Mahal. - One of us is going to live in the big house, and one of
ga820926 -- us is going to live in the little house. That's fine with me. - You may visit me in the big house on weekends.
ga820927 -- OH NO! IT'S NOT THERE! - I'm not getting out of bed without it! - Not without my morning cup of coffee!
ga820928 -- Good morning, Jon. - Well, helloooo there. Come to papa. - That's me, Jon Arbuckle, second fiddle to a coffee bean.
ga820929 -- Garfield, you'll never find happiness at the bottom of a coffee cup. - I beg to differ. - Look, there's some right there in the corner. By golly, you're right.
ga820930 -- Take it easy on that coffee, Garfield. - It might be too much for your tiny system. - Pardon me, boy, is that the chattanooga choo-choo Bingo.
ga821001 -- I love you, coffee; you make me glow. - You make me smile. I love you so. - My nerves don't like you, but what do they know?
ga821002 -- Now for a strong cup of coffee. - Now for a good night's sleep. - Now for a brisk bout with insomnia.
ga821003 -- What's that rumbling? The ground is shaking! - Oh, no! It's THEM! - THERE'S NO WAY OUT! I'M TRAPPED LIKE A RAT! - ARRRGH! -
ga821004 -- - ARRGH! - Very funny, Odie. Now get your face off the window.
ga821005 -- - - ROWR
ga821006 -- I got you a new friend, Garfield. He even talks. Oh, goody. - Will you play with me? Why, of course, little buddy. - Let's go play with Jon's power tools.
ga821007 -- I wonder what that bag of sawdust has to say. - Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. - He does have a certain charm.
ga821008 -- Imagine, the nerve of Jon giving me a dummy as companion. What kind of an intellectual dwarf does he think I am? - Practice of the Aristotelean mean would have a significant positive effect on the world institutional environment. - Oh, shut
ga821008 -- up.
ga821009 -- Your little friend here is certainly cute, Garfield. - stomp! stomp! stomp! - Little friend or not, there's something to be said for the diplomatic removal of competition.
ga821010 -- What's this? - Here's an interesting article about the ancient practice of cannibalism. Lovely. - Can you imagine what life was like then? - Traveling salesmen were called "meals on wheels". - Having the boss over for dinner had an entirely
ga821010 -- different meaning. - It says here certain tribal societies also ate cats. - I can hear a diner complaining, "oh, waiter, there's a flea collar in my soup". That's not funny.
ga821011 -- Maybe I wouldn't hate mondays so much if I didn't have this calendar here to remind me. - -
ga821012 -- That hamburger is mine, Garfield. It's mine. - Let's see if you want it after I stomp it, lick it and shed on it. - You win, Garfield. You can have it. I don't think I want it now.
ga821013 -- POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! - Let me guess. You're going tree climbing, right? - How did you know?
ga821014 -- Now to get out of this tree. - - Don't you dare! sniff sniff
ga821015 -- I wish you understood my every word, Garfield. - I could tell you I love you. I understand how you feel. - I love me, too.
ga821016 -- - I love it when you cuddle up to me, Garfield. - What a warm and wonderful gesture. My nose was wet.
ga821017 -- - - SMACK! - HEY! - tickle tickle tickle - STOP IT, GARFIELD! YOU PLAY TOO ROUGH! - I'm sorry I yelled at you, Garfield. Cats have feelings too, you know.
ga821018 -- I'm not leaving bed, I'm not moving a muscle. If I don't bother Monday, maybe Monday won't bother me. - Hello, I'm Nermal, the world's cutest kitten, here to visit for the week. - Well, maybe I will do just a teensy bit of sobbing.
ga821019 -- The mirror is one of cat's best friends, Nermal. You can primp in it, play with it and admire yourself in it. - - I don't see what's so great about it.
ga821020 -- Follow me, Nermal. This is how you climb a tree. - Now what do we do? What a silly question. - We sit here until the fire department comes.
ga821021 -- lick - LICK - What happened to you?
ga821022 -- How cute. Thank you, Nermal. - - Uh...thanks. You'd better appreciate it, sucker. Your flower garden gave its life for this bouquet.
ga821023 -- Tell me, Garfield, are you threatened by the fact that I am much younger and cuter than you are? I'm bigger than that. - You can say that again! - See how they like your rapier wit on the moon.
ga821024 -- Hello. - I wonder what kind of hat this is? - - What time's that there bus leaving for Topeka? - See you, mum. Billy Bob and me are gonna play in traffic. - Gee, I'd love to go to the cotillion but I gotta stay home and watch armwrestling on
ga821024 -- TV. - That's it. This must be one of those stupid hats.
ga821025 -- Get ready to go, Garfield. We are going to visit dad and mom on the farm. - Send my regrets. I really must stay home and pluck my nose hairs. - I guess I'm ready to go.
ga821026 -- SPUT SPUT WEEEZE GURGLE SPUT - The car has stopped and it's getting dark. What should I do, Garfield? I con only think of one thing. - MAKE IT GO
ga821027 -- We're stranded, Garfield. We'll have to find somewhere to spend the night. - What about that place? Cute. - A little paint, a few curtains, and it would be a regular love nest.
ga821028 -- I guess we'll have to stay in this abandoned house tonight, Garfield. - Garfield R.I.P. 6-19-78 10-30-82 - I can't put my finger on it, but I have an uneasy feeling about this place.
ga821029 -- This house is spooky, isn't it, Garfield? Kind of reminds me of the vet's office. - Uh-oh, footsteps! Quick! Into the closet! CLOMP CLOMP - What do you suppose it is? CLOMP CLOMP Let's hope it's the welcome wagon.
ga821030 -- CLOMP CLOMP It's coming to get us, Garfield. It knows we're in the closet!  -ARRGH! - DAD! You didn't show, so I came looking for you. One life down, eight to go.
ga821031 -- * - If I disguise myself as a bird, I should be able to get close enough for an easy lunch - Glue gluk gluk gluk - - swim fins - waddle waddle -
ga821101 -- It's nice to be back in the country with space to roam. - Space to breathe. Space to be me. - Space to be BORED!
ga821102 -- I think I'll have an egg for breakfast. - crack! - Mommy! Maybe chicken for lunch.
ga821103 -- Mommy! - Look, kid, I'm not your mommy. I'm a boy. Boys can't be mommies. - Daddy!
ga821104 -- What's that, daddy? It's lasagna. And don't call me daddy. - Here. Have a piece. Yuk! - NO SON OF MINE WOULD REFUSE LASAGNA!
ga821105 -- Stop hanging around me, kid. Just remember, you're a tender young chicken and I'm a very hungry cat. - I guess I have that little giblet the what for. - EYOW!
ga821106 -- For the last time, kid, I'm not your daddy. You're a chicken and I'm a cat. - Now go back to your mother. Goodbye, daddy. -
ga821107 -- Let's job, Garfield. I'll sit this one out, thank you. - pppppp - RRRRRRRRR - BARK! BARK! BARK! SHOOP! - ROWF! FFT! - ARRRRRRRRGH! BARK MROW! Pack your bags, Reba. The neighborhood's gone strange.
ga821108 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats move at a speed proportionate to the amount of food at their destination. They may even exceed the speed of sound. - - Meow.
ga821109 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats are independent. Cats are loners... - - They are underfoot only when you're carrying groceries. Sorry about that.
ga821110 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats instinctively know the precise moment their owners will awake... - - Then they awaken them ten minutes sooner.
ga821111 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats are naturally attracted to only one type of human being... - - The type who is allergic to cats. WAHCHOO!
ga821112 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats can't hear commands... Garfield! Get off the bed! - Cats can't understand cajoling... See? Even Tommy the Clown likes his new cat food. - But they do sense when you want to take them to the vet. Let's go for a ride,
ga821112 -- Garfield.
ga821113 -- GARFIELD'S LAW: Cats shed in direct proportion to their contrast with a person's suit. - -
ga821114 -- - How about a shot of flea powder, Garfield? If you can hit a moving target. - SCREEEE - I guess it's safe to eat. - GOTCHA! - I guess I pulled a good one on Garfield. - Guess again, sucker.
ga821115 -- I hate mondays. - And just why do I hate mondays? - Because mondays hate me.
ga821116 -- There's one thing I hate worse than grapefruit. - - And that is hating grapefruit.
ga821117 -- I hate mornings. - I hate the fuzzy feeling. I hate the cold floors. - I hate the bad breath.
ga821118 -- I hate cute. - - I also hate people who try to ingratiate themselves.
ga821119 -- chuking KONK! - I hate toasters. - chuking KRONK
ga821120 -- I hate hating things. - Check that. - I love hating dogs. PUNT!
ga821121 -- Here we are at the veterinary clinic, Garfield. I prefer to think of it as the chamber of horrors. - I wish doctors wouldn't leave their instruments sitting out. - Just as I thought, it's icy cold. - I wonder what she intends to snip off with
ga821121 -- this? - I don't even want to know where this goes. - Hello, Garfield. ARRRGH! - He's fainted dead away. He's daddy's little trooper.
ga821122 -- - Oh, gee. I can't get into my bed with these muddy feet. - Z
ga821123 -- I love to sleep. I sleep to restore my energy. - I sleep to refresh my wits. - I sleep to escape.
ga821124 -- - Z - Garfield! What happened? I had a nap attack at full throttle.
ga821125 -- If I were to come back to this earth, I'd like to come back as a pillow. - I could lie in bed all day. - And people would put their heads in my lap and go to sleep.
ga821126 -- UH-OH! HERE COMES THAT MEAN DOG! - Nobody would ever harm a sleeping cat? - Wrongo.
ga821127 -- - Z Z - Z Z My feet fell asleep.
ga821128 -- Z - Z dum dee dum dee dum - Yah tah tah tah, yah tah tah tah TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP - Garfield, I was sound asleep. You're breaking my heart, now feed me. - Anything else, sire? Yes, wash my blanket, change my kitty litter and retread my
ga821128 -- scratching post. - I wonder if it's worth it. I'll ignore that remark. - I swear, sometimes I don't know why I keep him.
ga821129 -- SNAP! SQUEAK! What's that? - Oh, no! Since I'm not a mouser, Jon set a mousetrap. Now it's killed a mouse! - If you did your job, I wouldn't be in this fix.
ga821130 -- I'm sorry you got caught in that mousetrap, mouse. Oh, that's okay. I have a wife and eight kids. - What doest that have to do with anything? - This is the first peace and quiet I've had in years.
ga821201 -- Have a piece of cheese, mouse. Maybe that will make you feel better. - - How am I supposed to swallow? Good point.
ga821202 -- You're free to go, mouse. Thanks. - Just where have you been? I suppose you and your fat friend have been having fun while I've been working and slaving taking care of our children. You'd better get yourself home right now. - SNAP!
ga821203 -- Now get out of here. - - SNAP! SQUEAK!
ga821204 -- - Jon will be checking this trap soon. - My bunny slippers? They like to roam at night.
ga821205 -- ALL RIGHT! - I love flowers! - I love to tiptoe through tulips. - Dive through daisies. - Romp through roses. - You cat broke 'em, you bought 'em, buddy. Put some pansies on the tab, too.
ga821206 -- Don't knock those flowers of the windowsill, Garfield. - I put them there to give them some sun. - And some fresh air.
ga821207 -- Windows are great. They offer a front row seat to life's passing parade. - THUD! - They are also good for a yuk or two.
ga821208 -- I see you're bringing the mail in with your usual care. - This letter says, "do not fold, spindle or mutilate." - It didn't say anything about "maul".
ga821209 -- - MY NEWSPAPER! YOU CHEWED UP MY NEWSPAPER! - It's things like this that make me wonder if you should bring in the paper at all. Precisely. poo
ga821210 -- On chilly mornings, this is my favorite place in the whole house. - - Over the heat vent.
ga821211 -- Garfield, did you eat fern? - WHY IS IT I GET BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING AROUND HERE? IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG, YOU JUST LAY It ON OL' GARFIELD! - I have no idea what you're talking about.
ga821212 -- - You can have this hamburger if you can reach it, Garfield. - WHA!? - - - b-b-b-b-b-b-b - Jon will rue the day I got these rubber arms.
ga821213 -- BOOM BOOM BOOM - boom boom boom - It's time you went on another diet, Garfield.
ga821214 -- On this diet, Garfield, you may drink all the coffee you please. - gulp gulp gulp - This is some kind of weird diet. slosh slosh slosh slosh
ga821215 -- I think I'll step off my diet just long enough to eat a couple dozen cookies. - Lettuce? - That cat has no sense of humor.
ga821216 -- - - You know you're on a diet when even the dog food commercials look good.
ga821217 -- You may go off your diet as soon as you loose some weight, Garfield. Why didn't you say so sooner? - BUZZ - Let's eat.
ga821218 -- Heck with it. I'm going off my diet. - - Show me a dieter, and I'll show you a person who belittles himself.
ga821219 -- - Good morning, Garfield. I'm so happy you can share this glorious morning with me. - Michelangelo would give up painting in a minute if he saw the canvas mother nature has rendered just for us today. - Chirp chirp Just listen to the symphony
ga821219 -- of sound from nature's flute section. - And the perfect sights and sounds are perfumed with these lovely flowers. What do you think, Garfield? - - You really don't care, do you? Bingo.
ga821220 -- Good morning, Garfield. Is there something you're trying to tell me? - - It's the Christmas season, you say.
ga821221 -- Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. - GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! - I'm getting into the Christmas spirit.
ga821222 -- - - That's gotta be a world's record! The presents go there. Move it, move it, move it.
ga821223 -- I hope this gift is mine. rattle rattle rattle - CRACK! tinkle tinkle tinkle - I hope it's Odie's.
ga821224 -- It's only noon, Garfield. Are you going to bed already? The sooner you go to bed, the sooner it's Christmas morning. - - Good night, little fella.
ga821225 -- Comics readers are very special people. You mean more to me than there is space here to express. - I love you all. - Have a happy holiday. I'll be funny again tomorrow, trust me.
ga821226 -- Set the stage, light the lights. - Good evening, ladies and germs. - SPLAT - My car is so old, it is insured against fire, theft and India raids. BLUT - My girlfriend is so cross-eyed, she can sit on the front porch and count the chickens in
ga821226 -- the backyard. CRASH - Take my dog...pleeeze. PLOP - It must have been one of your better nights. I was in rare form.
ga821227 -- Well, I wonder what's going to happen to me today. - BLAT! - Monday moves in a mysterious way.
ga821228 -- Go fetch the paper, Garfield. - Look closely, Jon. These are cat's paws, not slave's paws. - I'll ignore your small indiscretion this time, and share your life. Thank you...sir.
ga821229 -- nibble nibble nibble - It's not to chew your nails, Garfield. Oh, that's okay. - I'm chewing on Odie's.
ga821230 -- Z - I'm bored. I need to add some sparkle to my life. - Z
ga821231 -- THERE'S A SPIDER! I HATE SPIDERS! - Ha ha. I'll just flick him away. - WHANG! - Jon? Are you okay? ...Jon?
ga830101 -- - ZOOM! - The early cat gets the jelly-filled donut.
ga830102 -- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - zzzzzzzzzz Shoo, fly! - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I HATE PESKY FLIES! - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz UNNGH! - zzzzzzzzzzzz DIE, FLY! - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ROWR - Feel better, Garfield? I think I hurt myself.
ga830103 -- BRINNNG! - WHAM! - BRINNNG!
ga830104 -- - I didn't know that you like to dance, Garfield. What are you talking about? - I was scratching my back with your toothbrush.
ga830105 -- Good morning, Odie. - Hey, get away from Jon's stamp collection! - Too late.
ga830106 -- What should do tonight? - SPLUT - Good idea. I think I'll go sing on the fence.
ga830107 -- OH, NO! FIRE ARROWS! THOCK - I'M A GONER! THOCK - A CAT ALWAYS GOES DOWN WITH HIS FENCE!
ga830108 -- I can't believe that tacky pack of music haters burned my fence down. - The only thing to do is to get right back up there and start singing again. - But...somehow it just isn't the same.
ga830109 -- Here he comes...tweedledee, the wonder dummy. - Hey, Odie, would you like to play ball? - - squeak - - tie tie - Hey, Garfield, where's Odie? He's tied up at the moment. dribble dribble dribble
ga830110 -- SLAM - Hey, Garfield. I'm home. - You're certainly excited to see me. Believe me, inside I'm hopping up and down and shouting with glee.
ga830111 -- So I say to this clerk, "Look, if the whole bunch of bananas is 54 cents, why can't I have one for 6 cents? - - Don't you want to hear how the story came out? Tell it to your plants.
ga830112 -- - - Garfield, you seem to be preoccupied this week. Huh?
ga830113 -- Garfield hasn't been listening to me lately, watch this. - Hey, Garfield, what say we go to the vet and get you declawed? - That would be fine. Case closed.
ga830114 -- I hate it when Garfield ignores me. - DARN IT! PAY SOME ATTENTION TO ME! - Z I think I'm going to cry.
ga830115 -- Jon, I know I've been ignoring you lately, but I want to say it's not because I don't care for you. - It's like my ears hear you, but my brain keeps straying off course. I've just been preoccupied. - Enough said. Let's get on with it. Huh?
ga830116 -- ZOO - Do Not Feed The Animals I wonder what it would be like to be a wild animal. - First, I'd alter this stupid sign. Feed the Animals - Then I'd pace around looking kinda fierce. - Then I'd scare the heck out of the crowd. - SWIPE EEEEK! -
ga830116 -- That was a pretty convincing performance, if I do say so myself.
ga830117 -- - - I love it when they entertain me.
ga830118 -- It appears Jon has prepared himself a very nice meal, but something is missing. What could it be? - Why, of course... - The cat hair!
ga830119 -- - - Okay, okay, I'll turn the heat up.
ga830120 -- This is my humble abode, my dear. - - Who were they? Oh, just a couple of animals I'm giving away soon.
ga830121 -- Garfield, sometimes I think you don't like it when I have dates. Absolutely. - Dating leads to marriage. Marriage leads to children. - And do you know what children do to cats?
ga830122 -- Hey, Jon, what's happening? - Eat your breakfast, Garfield. - Where's your sense of humor?
ga830123 -- * - Isn't that Halley's comet? - ZIP! - Garfield, did you take my steak? Who? Little ol' me? - Look, I don't have your crummy old steak. - HEY! I DON'T HAVE YOUR CRUMMY OLD STEAK! - I'm going to get you for this, Odie. Burp.
ga830124 -- Playing with a ball of yarn is a great way to get attention. - THOCK! - GARFIELD! Tah dah.
ga830125 -- Hey, Garfield, there's a lasagna under the bed! - - Thanks for dusting under the bed for me, Garfield. I hate you.
ga830126 -- - WHIRRR! - nightie-night, Jon. I hate you.
ga830127 -- Surprise, Garfield! I brought you another rubber mouse. Yippee skip. - By the way, what happened to your last one? It was tragic. - He was caught and eaten by a rubber cat.
ga830128 -- Surprise, Garfield! I threw your old bed in the trash and got you this new one. What do you think? - - Z
ga830129 -- Dogs have the world's stupidest toys. Just look at this rubber bone. - Simple minds, simple pleasures. - It certainly doesn't hold the scintillating intellectual challenge of my fuzzy scratching post wit the springy rubber mouse.
ga830130 -- * - - - - - ROWR! ARRRGH! - THAT WASN'T FUNNY; GARFIELD! Funny is in the eye of the beholder.
ga830131 -- plop! - EEEEEEK! - I'm almost afraid to ask what happened here.
ga830201 -- QUICK! QUICK! PUT POOKY'S ARM BACK ON! - Relax, Garfield. I'll fix Pooky right up. It's no big deal. - No big deal?! Look, buster. I've never lost a loved one before.
ga830202 -- - I sewed Pooky's arm back on as good as new, Garfield. - Yes, but will he ever play the piano again? Me thinks the cat doth expect too much.
ga830203 -- You did a pretty good job of sewing Pooky's arm on. - I used small stitches so as not no leave a scar. - I think he's picking on me.
ga830204 -- Pooky, when you lost your arm, I got to thinking about our mortality, and that's depressing. - So promise me you'll never lose your arm again, okay? -
ga830205 -- I wonder what my fortune cookie is. - Today you will be whisked away to a large white building where all you have to do is lie in bed all day as lots of people pay attention to you and bring you food. - That sounds too good to be true.
ga830206 -- - - I can stare anything down. - - - Uh, Garfield, fish can't blink. - Now he tells me...now that my eyeballs are all dried out?
ga830207 -- I wonder what awful thing is going to happen to me today? Maybe the sky will fall. Maybe Odie will bring his long lost twin brother home... - - Or worse yet, maybe Nermal will come for a visit.
ga830208 -- Oh sure, you're getting all the attention right now, Nermal, But when you grow up you'll be as unloved as I am. - I'm never growing up. Who are you? Peter Pan or something? - I'm a midget. Some cats get all the luck.
ga830209 -- If you want to be cute like me, you have to play wit a ball of yarn. That sounds simple enough. - Yours is over there. - I hate him
ga830210 -- Nermal, you're so sweet, why don't I just stuff you into this sugar bowl. - Go ahead and try it, fat boy. - Say, Garfield, Where's Nermal? At a humility lesson.
ga830211 -- You disgust me, Nermal. - You're a wide-eyed, mindless, little piece of fluff. You're so cute everyone loves you. - Eat your heart out, bozo. I am, I am.
ga830212 -- Unk. You've overstayed your welcome. - - Where's Nermal? You know...I was strange, he muttered "unk" and then left without a word.
ga830213 -- And just when I thought it was safe to go back in the kitchen. - Garfield, why don't you like to take baths? Bathing robs cats of precious natural oils that protect us from skin disease. - What do you know? Hop in there right now. Let me get
ga830213 -- my tubby toys. - Today, today. - - There now, don't you feel much better? Much.
ga830214 -- Are you sure you want to watch this, Garfield? - It's a depressing movie about a man-eating lion that terrorizes a native village. - You root for your side, I'll root for mine. Lion.
ga830215 -- I hate movies about man-eating lions. - How can an animal possibly prey on an innocent victim? - Explain that to the chicken you had for dinner.
ga830216 -- OH, NO! THE LION RAN DOWN ANOTHER VILLAGER! The original fast-food franchise. - Now what disgusting is the lion doing? - He's spitting the spear out.
ga830217 -- Tell me when the lion is finished eating the villager, okay, Garfield? You can look now. - EEEEEK! - He wasn't done yet! Oh, I thought you meant the MAIN parts.
ga830218 -- GOOD! They shot the lion! - What do you think of those apples, Garfield? Big deal. - At the gun it was villagers:1, lion:42.
ga830219 -- Well, what do you think of the man-eating lion movie? - - You know I hate that, Garfield.
ga830220 -- That ice should be good for some yuks. - Ice, one. Odie, nothing. - Watch this. - Air mail! - Have a nice trip, Jon! - OH NO! - MY TOMATO PASTE!
ga830221 -- Z - BARK! -
ga830222 -- - Oh, a heat vent. - The next best thing to my sunbeam.
ga830223 -- - Jogging is much more enjoyable if you have the proper motivation. - Ding Dong ICE CREAM
ga830224 -- I'd better save some of this blueberry pie for Jon. To eat it all would be inconsiderate and selfish. - - I am what I am.
ga830225 -- This is called a bird feeder, Garfield. - And this is called putting birdseed into the bird feeder. - He can call it what he likes. I call it baiting the trap.
ga830226 -- WOW! LOOK AT ALL THIS GOOD FOOD AND NEAT CLOTHING! - This is great stuff. - Stay out of the trash, Garfield. How did you know?
ga830227 -- Oboy! Jellybeans! - These green jellybeans are pretty tasty. - I don't care if they are Jon's favorite, I'm going to eat them all. - Why, hello there, Odie. - Here, you may have the last green jellybean. - Aren't I sweet? - My last green
ga830227 -- jellybean! I'm going to kill you, Odie! The plot thickens.
ga830228 -- I hate mondays. - Maybe if I tore mondays off the calendar there'd be no more mondays. RIP! -
ga830301 -- There must be an easier way to eat. - GO AHEAD AND START WITHOUT ME, BREAKFAST. - Burp...I should have thought of that long ago.
ga830302 -- What a unique perspective. Noe the ceiling is the floor and the floor is the ceiling. Hi, Garfield. - ZIP - Whatever goes down, must come up.
ga830303 -- I wonder whose glasses there are. - - Pablo Picasso's.
ga830304 -- I feel good today. I feel strong. - I feel invincible. I feel as tall as a skyscraper. - Get off there, King Kong. ayieeee
ga830305 -- * - Hop up here, Garfield. It's dinner time. - "hop up here," he says.
ga830306 -- I feel like a change of pace. - I think I'll move in slow-motion today. - Wha!? - - Oh, no, you don't. - - It's hard to take what you want in life when they see you coming.
ga830307 -- Uh-oh, there's a package for me. - I don't think I'm going to like it. - Beware of gifts bearing air holes.
ga830308 -- Gee, I hope this package doesn't have a bomb or a monster in it. - GASP! IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN MY MOST HIDEOUS FEARS! - It's another sweater for me from Jon's mother.
ga830309 -- - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - I hate wool sweaters.
ga830310 -- - There is one thing I like about this sweater. - Z
ga830311 -- - There's more than one way to skin a cat. - TWANG - Check that...CHOKE a cat.
ga830312 -- I hate designer sweaters. - Look at this. - The lizard chewed the armpit out of it.
ga830313 -- Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo PLOP - Garfield need a better balanced diet. So I'm disguising this liver as dessert. - Why, hello, Garfield. I fixed a yummy treat for you. - I call it "Sweet Surprise" - He'll be surprised, all right. - ARRGH! He ate it!
ga830313 -- He ate it! Surprise.
ga830314 -- Hey, Garfield, look at what I got at the barber shop. - Th-dah! What do you think? It's tacky, tasteless and disgusting. - It's you.
ga830315 -- Bingo! - Hook shot! - Ha-ha-ha, Garfield, ha-ha-ha-
ga830316 -- Jon sure looks dumb with this fake mustache. - Very few people can wear a mustache. - Like evil Roy Gato, for instance.
ga830317 -- Nyah, nyah, nyaaah, evil Roy Gato does his daily dirty deed. - push - - The mustache made me do it.
ga830318 -- Oh, there you are, Garfield. - Let me guess...you stole my fake mustache and ate my spaghetti, right? - How'd you guess?
ga830319 -- Give me a kiss, sweetheart. - KISS - How do you tell a lady her mustache needs more wax?
ga830320 -- This looks like a good spot to rest. I never saw a spot that wasn't a good spot to rest. - Well, Garfield, here we are in the great outdoors. It's outdoors, all right, but I'd debate the "great". - Just listen to the sounds of nature. Sounds
ga830320 -- like noise to me. - Nature can actually speak to you, you know. Go on.  Hear that? Nature is speaking to you now. Wait, I do hear something... - I HEAR IT! I HEAR IT! - Nature is saying, "Garfield the cat, you're a long way from your warm bed
ga830320 -- and television set."
ga830321 -- COME ON, MONDAY! DO IT TO ME NOW! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! - THOCK - Thank you for your prompt consideration.
ga830322 -- Did I ever tell you about my uncle Nick? He loves to destroy things. He can shred a recliner in 12 seconds... - Mangle ferns by the carload and turn a set of china into powder in the blink of an eye. - He is presently a postal employee in
ga830322 -- Chicago.
ga830323 -- - Nice try, Garfield, but I don't buy your stupid watermelon disguise. - RATA TATTA TATTA TATA
ga830324 -- - Don't make fun of Odie, Garfield. That's not nice. - That's even less nice.
ga830325 -- Come and get it, Garfield. - CRASH! - Your not a sailplane, you know. Oh, shut up.
ga830326 -- Dinnertime, Garfield! - BANZAI -
ga830327 -- * I hate dogs and dogs hate me, I chase the tiny ones, the big ones chase me. - Do Not Open This Gate! Hello, what's this? - That's an open invitation if I ever saw one. - Of course, it may not be wise to open the gate. - But that never
ga830327 -- stopped me before. I'll just take a little peek. - - Curiosity mangled the cat.
ga830328 -- PUNT - This is turning out to be a decent Monday for a change. - POOMP!
ga830329 -- gobble gobble gobble - Garfield, you eat too fast. No, I don't. - I'm just overqualified for the job.
ga830330 -- Garfield will never reach this pie up here. - CHINK - And just where are you going? For my morning scale?
ga830331 -- ARRRRGH! - What a horrible nightmare! I dreamt I was a dog. - Thank goodness it was only a dream. scratch scratch scratch
ga830401 -- No more of this sniveling sissy stuff. - I'm getting out of this tree like a man. - On the other hand, sniveling does have its attributes.
ga830402 -- I gotta get out of this tree. - Oh well, they tell me a cat always lands on his feet. - However, THEY failed to mention the pain.
ga830403 -- - - - - - - We must have lunch sometime. Things aren't always as they seem.
ga830404 -- Hey, Garfield, let's take a vacation. - We'll go someplace tropical. - Save your money. Go sit in your aquarium.
ga830405 -- Vacation is going to be so great, Garfield. - We'll get away from this rat race. There'll be no hassles. - A change of pace would be nice.
ga830406 -- Hey, Garfield, what do you think of this shirt for our vacation? - Tah-dah! That's awful. - Do you know how many turkeys were destroyed to make that shirt?
ga830407 -- Good news, Garfield! The airline has a special allowing children to fly free. So? - So when you leave on vacation, you can pose as my son and ride up front. I will not demean myself by dressing up as some stupid kid. - Otherwise, you'll have
ga830407 -- to ride  in a kitty carrier in the baggage compartment. DADDY!
ga830408 -- I hope you don't mind flying, Garfield. - Some animals don't travel well. Nonsense. - If a dog can be a World War I flying ace, I can surely fly commercial.
ga830409 -- Just bear in mind, Garfield, even though we're leaving on vacation... - And even though we're going to have fun... - It's always nice to get back home.
ga830410 -- This is going to be fun, Garfield. Ha ha ha, wheee. - I think you'll like flying. I'd like it if I could keep one paw on the ground. - Oooooh, I think I'm getting airsick. - What's that? It sounds like a wing cable fraying! - I SMELL SMOKE!
ga830410 -- sniff sniff - WE'RE GOING DOWN IN FLAMES! - We're still on the ground, Garfield. GREAT! CATS AND CHILDREN FIRST!
ga830411 -- Tell me, Garfield. - Are you nervous about flying? - I take no chances.
ga830412 -- I think you'll enjoy flying, Garfield. - It's a very comfortable and smooth way to travel. - Then what are these little bags for? The easter egg hunt?
ga830413 -- No pets allowed. This is my son. He has a body hair problem. - How old are you, sonny? Rowr. - That's baby talk for "one going on two".
ga830414 -- crunch crunch - What do you think of airline meals, Garfield? GULP - The only thing with food content was the plastic fork I just ate.
ga830415 -- - - The captain has advised that the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign be observed in case some slight air turbulence is encountered.
ga830416 -- Well, Garfield, how did you like your first airplane ride? Aside from the nausea, cramps and indigestion, I'm fine. - Have a nice day. HAVE A NICE DAY?! - LET HER LIVE, GARFIELD! LET HER LIVE!
ga830417 -- Ah, this is the life, isn't it, Garfield? - For real relaxation, it's hard to beat the tropics. Oh, go sit on a sandburg. - You should go play in the surf, Garfield. Maybe next year. - There are fish out there, you know. Well, why didn't you
ga830417 -- say so?! Ha ha ha. - Simple cat, simple pleasures.
ga830418 -- Do you know what I love about the tropics, Garfield? I have a feeling you're going to tell me. - It's the miles and miles of sparkling beach. - It may be a beach to you, but it's just a sandbox to me.
ga830419 -- There's one thing I love about the tropics. grrrr - FLIP! - The tiny dogs.
ga830420 -- You don't seem to be having a good time, Garfield. A keen observation. - What's the problem? I tell you what you do. - Find the biggest, heaviest fur coat you can and put it on. Then go lie in the blazing sun for a few hours and see how many
ga830420 -- youks you have.
ga830421 -- Tell me, my little wahine, what do you do? I'll bet you walk along the beach all day, then go home to your little thatched hut at night, right? - I'm a computer programmer from Cleveland. - Close. How about a date? He didn't even blink.
ga830422 -- This is the life, isn't it, Garfield? More fun than a cat should have. - Nothing to do but lie here in the sun. Listening to your brain bake. - Are you bored, Garfield? Is there sand in your swimsuit?
ga830423 -- This is going to upset you, Garfield... - Because I know you've had a great time. - But it's time we think about going home.
ga830424 -- La la la - There's nothing like a bubble bath to cure what ails you, Garfield. - pop pop - - - POW! Hey, Jon, what happened to you guys? You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
ga830425 -- Dear Garfield, what is your favorite all-time film? - It's "Old Yeller". - I love movies with happy endings.
ga830426 -- - - And just what do you think you're doing? Asserting my cathood?
ga830427 -- Garfield, why is it cats like to get out at night? - That's when we like to sing on fences. - In the daylight, we'd be easy targets.
ga830428 -- Today is thursday, and that's lasagna day. - Here's your cat food, Garfield. Will there be anything else? - Let me jog your memory.
ga830429 -- Why do you have such large teeth, Garfield? - All the better to eat you with, my dear. - Stop that! Obviously, sir, you are not a patron of the classics.
ga830430 -- I saw an awful movie last night called "Alien Dog." It was about this gigantic mutt that terrorized the world. - However, they did dispatch him with a rather clever ploy. - They electrified a 12-story fire hydrant.
ga830501 -- This looks like a good day for some heavy thoughts. - Let's put this whole thing in perspective. - Eating is important. - And sleeping is important. - But nothing is more important than holding someone you love. - Check that. - Reciprocation
ga830501 -- is nice, too.
ga830502 -- You're too fat, Garfield. Hang it in your ear. - Oh, shut up, Odie. - Why do I have the feeling there's a conspiracy afoot?
ga830503 -- * - ARRRGH! - It's diet week. It's diet week.
ga830504 -- - I gotta get off this diet. - It's starting to mess with my mind.
ga830505 -- - - Release my hand, Garfield. - You release hamburger, I release hand.
ga830506 -- Suicide, exercise and dieting. - RIP! - Name three forms of self-abuse. True...how true.
ga830507 -- - -
ga830508 -- * - - Oh, no! My watch has stopped! - I've missed Garfield's mealtime. - Pets have a way of letting you know when you've missed their mealtime. - You're late. I know, I know.
ga830509 -- Tell me, Garfield, when you walk, do your right and left legs travel together, or do you use your opposing legs? - - I'll never walk again.
ga830510 -- Z Z Z I wonder how birds can sleep in trees without falling out. - Z Z Z - Z Z Z Aha! ...hammocks.
ga830511 -- This is the only way to spend a sunny afternoon. - All you need is a swimming pool. - And a good imagination.
ga830512 -- I'm going to take a dip in here, so beat it, bird, before I break your beak. - - I have a mouth with a death wish.
ga830513 -- Take my advice. Sun yourself in a pool. You stay cooler that way. - I shall now turn over in order to tan my back. - This is not well thought out.
ga830514 -- As much as I hate to do it... - I'd better get out. - Even my fur is getting wrinkled.
ga830515 -- Look at those stupid dogs. - Yabba yabba yabba. - ROWF! BARK! BARK! - BARK! YIP! BARK! - Go away, dogs. Leave my cat alone. - bbbbbb - You just had to get in the last lick, didn't you, Garfield? Me and my big tongue.
ga830516 -- Hey, Garfield, guess what! We're going to visit dad and mom on the farm this week. - We'll eat some of mom's down-home cooking and help dad with the farm work. - Good thinking, Jon. Let's drive all the way to the sticks and fetch us an apple
ga830516 -- pie and a hernia.
ga830517 -- Your brother, Doc, has come back to work on the farm. He's here now. - Doc boy! Don't call me "Doc boy". - Jon boy! Mom boy! Doc boy! How are you? Oh boy.
ga830518 -- What brings you to the farm, Jon? I promised Garfield some good home cooking. - What would you boys like for breakfast? - My guess is Garfield would like some ham and eggs.
ga830519 -- Doc, you're looking more like dad all the time. - You take that back! - SMACK! Hush up, boy. The three stooges live.
ga830520 -- You know, Doc, for brothers, we don't look much alike. - It's hard to believe we came from the same place. - You mean, the farm? The funny farm maybe.
ga830521 -- Take care now. See you soon. Don't be a stranger. - So long! Bye bye! Bye now. Se yuh. - I can't believe the fuss they make over going to bed. You have a very close family.
ga830522 -- skitter skitter skitter - That's odd...two little bugs in full Shakespearean dress. - Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? I'm right here, Juliet. I bring bad news, Julie baby. Our families are feuding and don't want us to date anymore.
ga830522 -- Oh no! - That does it! Let's die in each other's arms and live together in eternity. How do we do that? - Here's how. squash - I'm not one to fool with great literature.
ga830523 -- Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. - Hi, Arlene. Hi, bozo. - I'm sure she meant to say, "Hunk".
ga830524 -- Let's go mousing. What's wrong with lasagna? - There's no thrill of pursuit. - Obviously, you've never snatched one off the table during sundae dinner.
ga830525 -- Why do girls always so good, Arlene? - We wear perfume. - Sounds kind of sissified to me. - I get this from a sex that likes to tattoo themselves.
ga830526 -- What does the moon remind you of, Garfield? - The moon reminds me of night, and that reminds me of sleep, which reminds me of breakfast... - That wasn't what I had in mind. Then, after breakfast, comes my nap...
ga830527 -- I'm taking you to a great restaurant tonight, Arlene. - bonk bonk Look, galvanized, not one of those cheap plastic places. - Now I've seen it all...a three-star garbage can.
ga830528 -- I'll see you, Arlene. It is customary, in human circles, to kiss a lady's hand. - You're not a human, and that's not a hand. That's a hairy paw. - Oil and water, nitro and glycerin, chivalry and realism.
ga830529 -- - I have a new plant in here, Garfield. Yum yum. - And I don't want you messing with it, okay? Sure. - - First I think I'll eat its tender little leaves, then I'll pick my teeth with its stems, followed by stomping the rest of the plant out
ga830529 -- of existence. - Prepare to die! - How did you like my cactus, Garfield? Prepare to die.
ga830530 -- I'm going out to a very nice restaurant tonight, Garfield. So you be good while I'm gone. - And, no, you can't come with me. - Who said I wanted to go to your crummy restaurant, anyway?
ga830531 -- Jon is going out without us tonight, Odie. - So you know what to do... - You chew his slippers and I'll destroy his chair.
ga830601 -- GARFIELD! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CHAIR! - I DON'T DESERVE THIS! - I was only gone for the evening. Now I know the face. Weren't you a former owner of mine?
ga830602 -- Garfield, I know being a cat owner is a big responsibility. - BUT I SHOULD Be ABLE TO LEAVE FOR AN EVENING WITHOUT YOU DESTROYING EVERYTHING! - I WANT A DIVORCE! I get half of everything.
ga830603 -- - squirt - OKAY! WHO GREASED MY WIENER?
ga830604 -- Hey, Garfield, What do you think of the new turtleneck sweater mom made you? - You're right. - It isn't very flattering, is it?
ga830605 -- I'm in a "what if" mood today. - I wonder what would happen if I married Arlene. - We'd have a huge wedding... - Then we'd raise some kittens... - And they'd crawl all over me. - Forget it! I'd make a lousy father.
ga830606 -- Garfield, it's noon. Are you getting out of bed? - I'd love to get up... - But the blanket is extra heavy today.
ga830607 -- - Think about a big, juicy bone, Odie. -
ga830608 -- Z - Z - Z
ga830609 -- Garfield, meet my new pet frog, "Herbie". - Isn't he great? Yeh, good ol' "Herbie". - Good ol' "your days are numbered as soon as Jon turns his back, Herbie".
ga860610 -- zzzzzzzz - Hey, Garfield, when was the last time you saw my pet frog, Herbie? zzzzz - SNAK! At lunch.
ga830611 -- It seems like an age since I gave Odie a boot. - BOOT! - I'm just a sentimental fool.
ga830612 -- Something's wrong. - Hey, Garfield! Let's have some fun! forget it, Jon. - I want to take you to an Italian restaurant for a lasagna dinner. No way. - They have ferns for dessert. Big deal. - Then we can come home and I'll hold Odie down
ga830612 -- while you beat him up. Try and make me. - - How did you know we have an appointment at the vet's? I don't know. I just know.
ga830613 -- In this box, I have a singing and dancing mouse. I have spent four years training him. He will now entertain you. - - I guess I should have cut air holes in the box.
ga830614 -- It's hard to believe I'm going to be five years old this sundae. - Shucks, golly, gee-whiz, ratso. - I'm going to have to start watching my language.
ga830615 -- Garfield, I hope the sun shines on your birthday. - What a nice thing to say. - I'm going camping. I didn't need that.
ga830616 -- - Mother nature has certainly been kind to you, Garfield. - I wish I could say the same for father time.
ga830617 -- They say the first thing to go on a cat is its hearing. - - Or was that eyesight?
ga830618 -- Your birthday gift is inside the card, Garfield. - Someday, my signature will be worth a lot of money! -
ga830619 -- sssh - This is the perfect surprise. It's much too early for Garfield to be up. - He's a year older today, you know. - SURPRISE! - -And a year sneakier.
ga830620 -- BARK! - FUMP! - Amoeba Man strikes again.
ga830621 -- Amoeba Man goes in search of food. - BONK! - Amoeba man should probably cut eyeholes in his exoskeleton.
ga830622 -- Amoeba Man spies food, but Amoeba Man has no mouth. - munch munch - A wonderful thing, osmosis.
ga830623 -- Ooooh. - Amoeba Man should not have eaten that hamburger so fast. - I have a nucleus ache.
ga830624 -- Amoeba Man stops to admire himself in the mirror. - - Face it, fells. you're one good-looking hunk of protoplasm.
ga830625 -- - Amoeba Man falls in love. - If I may be so bold, you have a great-looking pseudo pod, my dear.
ga830626 -- Hello. - You can tell a lot about their family from their garbage. - They have an infant who just outgrew its baby clothes. - The father recently gave up golfing. - And the mother cooks lots of pasta. - - Adopt me!
ga830627 -- Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - Dr. Livingstone, I presume.
ga830628 -- Slow down there, ace. - Slow down, in deed. - Jon doesn't realize how much I have to eat to maintain my figure.
ga830629 -- Bark! Bark! Bark! - Garfield, get out of the cookie tin. - WHANG!
ga830630 -- - -
ga830701 -- Garfield! You ate my raisin cookies! - I thought you didn't like raisins. - I don't.
ga830702 -- Shoo! Shoo! Go away! I don't like you. - SLURP! - I hate blind devotion.
ga830703 -- How about a manly game of arm-wrestling, Garfield? You're on. - Are you ready, you furry sissy? Ready when you are, wimp. - - Unnngh Rrrr - What say we call it a draw, Garfield? I'll let you off the hook this time. - I'll see you, Garfield. So
ga830703 -- long, Jon. - Speak to me, arm! I'll never ruse this arm as long as I live.
ga830704 -- Garfield! I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - I say we attack the fort at dawn.
ga830705 -- I wonder what this is. - - Ah, a booby trap.
ga830706 -- - -
ga830707 -- - There you have it... - Odie's so stupid, he doesn't even understand the law of gravity.
ga830708 -- They say hammocks are very relaxing. - - Big deal.
ga830709 -- - -
ga830710 -- - What do you think of my Ming vase, Garfield? - CRASH! - Min, Shming, they don't make'm like they used to. - WHA!... GUH!... I DON'T!... BUH!... YOU!... YOU! - YOU DUMB ANIMAL! YOU'RE SO STUPID, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID! - I know I
ga830710 -- - destroyed a priceless Ming dynasty vase as an overt expression to communicate my contempt for the politically oppressive doctrines of their early 17th century administration.
ga830711 -- I could sure use some of Jon's deodorant. - ssst - How's it going, Garfield? fine, until I found the spray starch in your cabinet.
ga830712 -- Go fetch the paper, will you, Garfield? That's what i live for. - Here you are, sahib. - Hey! This paper is all chewed up! Sahib asks fish, paper is wet. Sahib asks cat, paper is holey.
ga830713 -- - - WAH-HA HA-HA! I hate it when they do that.
ga830714 -- - slup slup slup - Drool fuel.
ga830715 -- Aw...how sweet. - Wait a minute! I'll bet you want something from me, don't you? - How dare you suggest I trade my affection for selfish reasons! For a bite of that hamburger, I'll forget you said that.
ga830716 -- Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - Arf?
ga830717 -- * - - - - I am about to outdo myself. - WHAP!
ga830718 -- Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - Pardon me, sir. Have you seen a tail here around?
ga830719 -- You don't like me, do you? I like you. - No, you don't. I'm crazy about you. I love you. - Now why don't you go play in the blender? SEE?
ga830720 -- Why don't you like me? You're young and you're cute. - If I were old and ugly, would you like me? Possibly. - This must be one of the things cats do when they think there are no humans around. Where's my cane? Where's my cane?
ga830721 -- I hate to do this. - I don't know how I'll get out of this tree. - But at least I'll be away from Nermal.
ga830722 -- What are you doing up here? Did you come to save me? - No, I just came to visit. - Well, talk fast. I was just considering leaping to my death.
ga830723 -- How do we get out of this tree? We jump. - If that little twerp can jump, so can I. -
ga830724 -- Z - Rise and shine. - Time to get up, Jon. - I'm hungry. - This ought to wake him up. - Jon must really be socked out. - I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction.
ga830725 -- Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - You'll have to speak up. I can't hear you over the band.
ga830726 -- - Gee...uh, thanks, Odie. clunk! - What is it, Garfield? I'd wager it would have been easier to recognize before it wandered into traffic.
ga830727 -- Here comes Odie. His bark is worse than his bite. Bark! Bark! - BARK! - And his breath is worse than his bark.
ga830728 -- - SPLAT! - Spaghetti can turn on you when it's wounded.
ga830729 -- Oh, boy! I love to sluck spaghetti! - SLUCK! - Sorry about that.
ga830730 -- SLUCK - There's only one irritating thing about slucking spaghetti... - The whiplash.
ga830731 -- Hey, Garfield. - I have a big date with Liz tonight. What do you think about my outfit? - Mmmph - Hee hee hee - I don't have to take this. WAH-HA-HA-HA! - No cat's going to make a fool out of me.
ga830801 -- Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - If you must know, I am a rare carnivorous fern, and if you don't mind, I'd like to finish eating your cat in peace.
ga830802 -- - HA-HA! YOU DIDN'T GET MY FOOD THAT TIME! - SPLAT
ga830803 -- - - You've been reading "Alice in Wonderland" again, haven't you? You must be psychic.
ga830804 -- RRR - RRR!!!!! - I want to know why you did that, Garfield! That's not half as interesting as how I got up there to begin with.
ga830805 -- Garfield, I want you to get all the mice out of this house, right now! Oh, very well. - Be a good boy and call my attorney, will you? - And have him serve them with an eviction notice.
ga830806 -- - ARRRGH!!! B-B-B-B! - Cats are so unpredictable. Predictably so.
ga830807 -- CATCH THAT MOUSE! - Garfield, why don't you eat mice like other cats? I don't like to hurt mice. How can I get that through your thick skull? - * - Dear Jon: The mice and I have an agreement. They don't bug me and I don't bug them. Therefore,
ga830807 -- I will never hurt mice...signed, GARFI* - GARFI*************** tick! tick! tick! The key must be stuck. - WHAM AAAWK! - Sorry about that, fella.
ga830808 -- - OH, NO! - My legs re shrinking!
ga830809 -- I've really done it this time. My belly has outgrown my legs. - I guess there's only one thing to do... - Get fitted for stilts.
ga830810 -- * Hummm *  - Oh, no! - You know you're overweight when you're sitting around rocking, and you realize you don't have a rocking chair.
ga830811 -- Garfield, you're getting dangerously overweight. - How dangerous can a little extra fat be? - Who, blub, would, blub, have, blub, guessed?
ga830812 -- Don't worry about your condition, Garfield. - You can still lead a useful and productive life. - As a paperweight, a doorstop, a... Put your face closer to thee claws.
ga830813 -- Rats! The dog next door! - Ever had a nightmare come true?
ga830814 -- * Hi, hi, Daisy-Waisy. Would you wike some wa-wa? Oh boysy-woysy. - If you speak nicely to plants, they grow better, Garfield. Bologna. - - - DIE! - Live and learn.
ga830815 -- - RIIIP! - Cruelty is second nature to that cat.
ga830816 -- - - Diet time. Rats.
ga830817 -- Happy diet, Garfield. Here's a banana for breakfast. - - Bang!
ga830818 -- As long as you're dieting, Garfield, why don't you exercise, too? - Sure...why not? - As long as the noose is around my neck, I might as well jump off the horse.
ga830819 -- Sticking to your diet, Garfield? Yup. - FUMP - But I did eat the pictures out of your cookbook.
ga830820 -- You're looking slim there, Garfield. Thanks. - I couldn't find a corset. - So I borrowed one of Jon's tube socks.
ga830821 -- - - - - - They say we can visit him 2 to 4 on saturday. Food gone! Food all gone!
ga830822 -- I can't possibly eat all this food. It's time for a...FOOD FIGHT! - SPLUT! - You stay out of this, Monday.
ga830823 -- Hallo, folks. How do you do? I'm Garfield, the cat. I'll entertain you. - SPLAT! - You stay out of this, mom.
ga830824 -- I just flew in from Pittsburgh and, boy, are my arms tired. - - The guy on the hook must be asleep.
ga830825 -- I gotta sing! I gotta dance! - BAP! BOP! BIFF! - I gotta be crazy.
ga830826 -- Goody, Jon's not around. - Jon stifles my lifestyle. - Put the dog down! He's no fun.
ga830827 -- - ZIP! - I don't know how we does it, we jus' does it.
ga830828 -- - splut - plik - bat - scratch-  drip - Bored, Garfield? Some days I get tired of being a cat.
ga830829 -- - - That wasn't very nice, Garfield. - In this business, "nice! doesn't put bread on the table.
ga830830 -- Why is it I'm crazy about you, Garfield? Probably because I'm perfect. - You claw the drapes, shed on the furniture, steal my food and hassle the dog. - Nobody's perfect.
ga830831 -- Garfield's in for a surprise. I put an alarm on the refrigerator. - That's the first rule for successfully living with a cat. - You must be smarter than the cat.
ga830901 -- Given the choice, Garfield, would you rather be rich or famous? - You're talking to a cat here, fella. All I need is a warm lap, some good food and a little attention. - I guess a cat wouldn't care about either. I'd rather be rich.
ga830902 -- - - Any last words, Garfield? How about "Gotcha"?
ga830903 -- Here's some salad and dressing, Garfield. You may mix them to your taste. - gluk gluk gluk - How was it? Could've use more dressing.
ga830904 -- Fire Destroys House - It's time you boys learn where the fire exit is. - In case of fire, go straight to your swinging pet door, got that? - I'd better give them a little test. - FIRE! - Clever me.
ga830905 -- Jon must be cleaning the heating grate. I wonder what grates are for, anyway. - OOPS! - Obviously, they're to keep one's house from eating one's cat.
ga830906 -- Silly me had to fall into the heating vent. Now here I am, residing deep within the bowels of my house. - Forced to spend my remaining days fending for myself in the tin tunnels of the duct work, the solenoid jungle of the wiring system and
ga830906 -- the polyvinyl chloride playground in the crawl space. - Hey! I think there's a book here somewhere.
ga830907 -- Meyow! - GARFIELD! WHERE ARE YOU? I'm in the plumbing. - WHAT CAN I DO? Just don't flush the toilet.
ga830908 -- Hey, Odie! I'm trapped in the heating vent. Help me out! - A hacksaw-great! -
ga830909 -- - Unnngh - Garfield...where are you? Down here in the floor's joists, plotting your untimely demise.
ga830910 -- Free at last! - There is something to be said for brute force. - It is usually followed by brute stupidity.
ga830911 -- Z - BARK! - grrrr - slurp! - Z - ZIP! - You can growl in my face, you can lick my head, but if you touch my food, consider yourself dead.
ga830912 -- Whew, not much room left. - I'll have to decide between the blueberries or cheese for dessert. - I hear the blueberries are lovely this time of year.
ga830913 -- Why haven't I ever seen talking food before? Because you're as dumb as your look. - Oh, yeah? Touche. - I can't believe I'm talking to a cheese.
ga830914 -- I wish I were a cat instead of a mouse. - Never be ashamed of what you are. We must all accept our plight in life and make the best of it. - You're not on the business end of the food chain. Good point.
ga830915 -- I have a confession to make. - My mother was a lemming. What's a lemming? - A gerbil with suicidal tendencies. My condolences.
ga830916 -- So you're half lemming. Yes, my mother always had the urge to cast herself off a cliff into the sea. - AWK! - Darn you, mom.
ga830917 -- What the heck are you doing? - I'm half lemming, you know. So? - I'm getting back to my roots. I had to ask.
ga830918 -- - If you eat this pie, I'm going to kill you. - - - - GARFIELD! YOU ATE MY PIE! - One of the great criminal minds of your time, I ain't.
ga830919 -- - Rats. - I used up my eating energy on the getting here.
ga830920 -- I'm tired of being out of shape. - I can't catch Odie. I can't catch my breath. - Heck, I can't even catch my lunch.
ga830921 -- I really don't like myself when I'm out of shape and overweight. - Well, this time I'm going to do something about it! - I'm going to lower my expectations!
ga830922 -- Come on, Jon! Up and at'em! - There's a fresh new day out there. Are you going to join me, or are you going to lie there and wither away? - There's nothing worse than a born-again jogger.
ga830923 -- hop hop hop - hop - Leg warmers.
ga830924 -- Get on your mark, get set... - Jog! - The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
ga830925 -- It's going to be a scorcher today. - The sidewalk is already hot. - OOCH! EECH! OUCH! - Oog! Argg! Ick! - Garfield! What are you doing on this hot sidewalk? - Why don't we go inside? - What? And disappoint my public? CLINK
ga830926 -- I'm not one to brag on my teddy bear, but you are not going to believe this. - Okay, Pooky, pay attention now. Are you ready? - Play dead!
ga830927 -- I'm getting too old to have a teddy bear. - It's not that I feel silly... - It's the peer pressure.
ga830928 -- Pooky, I have to start weaning myself from you. I gotta make it out there on my own. - - That's good enough for the first week.
ga830929 -- I have to break this teddy bear dependency. - -
ga830930 -- I've made it a whole day without my teddy bear, but if I don't cuddle something soon, I'll go crazy. - - This sweat sock just isn't the same.
ga831001 -- POOKY! - So much for kicking the teddy bear habit. - It's unnatural to be near someone you love and not hold them now and then.
ga831002 -- I don't believe my eyes! - I've finally found the perfect skipping stone! The perfect weight, perfectly round and flat, everything. - But there are no lakes around here, and it's too far to the river. - Darn it! I've got this stone begging to
ga831002 -- be skipped and no place to skip it! - * - KONG! - Hey, look! The perfect skipping stone!
ga831003 -- I hate it when Odie gets caught outside in the rain. - Not that I care that much for Odie, mind you. -
ga831004 -- - Here's one of the great mysteries of the universe... - When Odie closes his mouth, where does his tongue go?
ga831005 -- I wanted to buy you another bed, Garfield. But the only sizes they came in were small, medium and large. - They didn't have showboat! - A quick wit is best accompanied by quick reflexes.
ga831006 -- I love a well-balanced meal. - Something from the four basic food groups... - Meat, vegetable, dairy and catsup.
ga831007 -- Garfield should be finding that rubber hot dog in his bowl right about now. - And he should be coming for me right about... - Now.
ga831008 -- I think I'll have pancakes for breakfast. - - Once again our nation's criminal element has callously disregarded the truth in packaging laws.
ga831009 -- Ho with a capital hum. - I wish I could kick this industrial-strength depression I have today. - - - - - Mother nature, if you had a body and a face, I'd give you a hug and a kiss.
ga831010 -- Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. - Hi, Arlene. - I said..."Hi, Arlene".
ga831011 -- Hey, Arlene. Guess how much weight I can press. - I'll bet you don't know. I'll bet I don't care. - Right now I'd trade all this strength for just one snappy comeback.
ga831012 -- Hey, Arlene. Look at this. So what? - Just what does it take to impress you, lady? A challenge to my head as well as my heart. - As soon as she regains consciousness, I'll challenge the heart part.
ga831013 -- It's my dinnertime, Arlene. But don't despair, I'll be right back. The moments will seem like years till you return. - I don't know how she does it... - How one well-turned phrase from that woman can suck all the wind out of your sails.
ga831014 -- Arlene, I'm sick of the witmatching mood you're in. - Okay, I'll stop it. There's no battle of the intellects here anyway. - You're right. It was kind of like swatting a fly with a buick.
ga831015 -- How about a kiss, Arlene? What kind of animal are you? - A cat! - AUUGH! I did it! I did it! She said, "what kind of animal are you?" and I said, "a cat!"
ga831016 -- Isn't that pathetic? - Odie, all you ever do is stare and slobber. - You're too happy, and that's not healthy. - People don't trust a chronically happy person. - Who could possibly love a grinning idiot like this? - - YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
ga831017 -- Oh, boy, am I down today. - You look down today, Garfield. But I think I'm even downer. - I hate one-downmanship.
ga831018 -- I am down...down, down, down, down, down. - Down, down, down, dooby doo down, down. - Comma, comma, down dooby doo down, down.
ga831019 -- I'm so depressed it's depressing. Tell me about it. - I think I'll go out and shoot myself. Sure. - You're just trying to cheer me up.
ga831020 -- Why are we so depressed, Garfield? I have this theory. - We've been staying up too late, lately. - And being happy takes entirely too much energy.
ga831021 -- We've gotta do something about this depression, Garfield. Check. - Maybe a change of surroundings would cheer us up. Check. - Wrongo. Check
ga831022 -- There's only one way out of this deep blue funk we're in, Garfield. I hate to do it, but it has to be done. I hope it works. - Ooch! Eech! - Tah-dah! Bingo!
ga831023 -- - click HEY! - click I was watching "Cheerleader High!. - click Well, I'm watching "Wonder Cat"! - rip - CRASH - I was much more passive before I became a wonder cat cadet.
ga831024 -- Hello, folks. I'm here to entertain you! Are you glad to see me? ---well, are you? - Okay, I can take a hint. Who needs you anyway? - I DO!
ga831025 -- I knew a cat who was so ugly, he had to tie a squirrel around his neck to make the dog chase him. - BAP! KONK! - It's nice to see I'm attracting a crowd with some taste.
ga831026 -- I knew a dog who was really stupid... - He was so stupid, when he turned around to lie down, he had to stop to ask directions! - I thought that was better than a one-shoe joke.
ga831027 -- What do you get if you cross a cat with a doctor? - You get a cat with a low golf handicap. - BONK KONG!
ga831028 -- Did you hear the one about the bucktoothed chicken? - - He...uh, raised a lovely family, was a well-respected member of the community, and led a comfortable life, titty boom.
ga831029 -- Stop me if you've heard this one. - SMACK KONG! WHOP! BAP! - Let me rephrase that.
ga831030 -- - We are nearing the bewitching hour when evil forces well up within me. - I love it. EEEK! - Gargle snort drool YIP - Heh, heh, heh-another fruitful Halloween of scaring kids and dogs. - Rats. - My mom told me if I made this face too often,
ga831030 -- it would freeze in this position.
ga831031 -- Here's some chicken soup, Garfield. - No thanks, I really couldn't. - I've never known Garfield to refuse food.
ga831101 -- - I'm taking this steak and there's nothing you can do about it, Chipmunk Cheeks. - I've always encouraged Garfield to be assertive. But I believe he's crossed the fine line to obnoxious.
ga831102 -- BONK! BONK! - BONK! BONK! - Odie's going to have to learn to walk one of these ways.
ga831103 -- I wonder what pets do when they don't know their owners are watching. - Let's find out. - I don't believe it. Neither do I. Odie just drew to an inside straight.
ga831104 -- CLANG! - Hey, Garfield, how do you like my new dinner bell? - It got my attention.
ga831105 -- - Oh no! My legs are turning to jelly! My mind is turning to mush! Could it be a laser? ...a death ray? No! It's... - My sunbeam.
ga831106 -- This looks like a good place to sit and muse. - What is the thing called life, Odie? - Montaigne said, "The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in how we make use of them." - Holmes said, "Life is painting a picture, not doing a
ga831106 -- sum." - James said, "Be not afraid of life. Believe that your life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact." - - poo Odie, sometimes I envy you.
ga831107 -- Hey, Garfield, we're going to visit aunt Gussie. - I know she's old and mean, but underneath she has a heart of gold. - I hear she used to double-date with Lizzie Borden.
ga831108 -- Hi, aunt Gussie. Well if this isn't my daydreaming nephew, Jon, and his cat Blubberbutt. - Look, rodent breath, if you come within ten feet of my canary, I'll make a doily out of your hide. - I like her.
ga831109 -- Why, aunt Gussie! I didn't know you were homecoming queen in 1922. You bet. - Back then I had beauty, style, grace, charm... - And a body that wouldn't quit!
ga831110 -- How are you getting along financially these days, aunt Gussie? - Oh, I have my social security, I make quilts and sell my African violets... - And I knock down three hun a week teaching slam dancing at Denny's Pogo Pit.
ga831111 -- What would you like for Christmas, aunt Gussie? Oh...nothing much. - Maybe something for my bed like a little lacey throw pillow. - Stuffed with John Travolta's chest hair.
ga831112 -- It was nice visiting with you, aunt Gussie. Same here, Jon. - And you'd better forget about your crush on John Travolta. He's young enough to be your grandson. - DON'T TELL THAT TO MY COMPUTER DATING SERVICE!
ga831113 -- click! - Well, look who's in the television set. - Garfield is such a clown. - Ha-ha-ha. - WAH HA HA - Wait a minute! - Something just occurred to me.
ga831114 -- Look at all those people. All going to work to process food, produce electricity, manufacture kitty litter and so on. - All just for me. - I'd thank them individually, but they know who they are.
ga831115 -- Odie - WHOCK! SPLAT - That's for not being a cat.
ga831116 -- I guess I shouldn't have clobbered Odie for not being a cat. - If everyone had a choice, we'd all be cats. So I can't blame him for not being a cat. - This is for being a dog! punt!
ga831117 -- whirrr - glup plop - How's your cat food, Garfield? I could say more for the presentation.
ga831118 -- Oh, look, it's one of those things you pull on for service. - YANK! - Bring me a danish and a cup of coffee.
ga831119 -- - Stop playing with your food, Garfield. - I'm not. It dried out while my face was in it.
ga831120 -- This looks like a good place for a little nap-nap. - - - click WHIRRR - GASP! - SPLAT! - Hello, mom? The washing machine just spit out my jockey shorts. That's one thing I'd never admit to my mother.
ga831121 -- Here you go, Garfield. Take a big bite. - OH NO! - Just kidding.
ga831122 -- - SLAM! Yo, Garfield! What'cha doing? - Casting a critical eye on a career as a doorstep.
ga831123 -- Sitting atop this door, I see all and know all. - Now where's that fat cat of mine? - Don't take my name in vain. SMACK!
ga831124 -- Perching high on a door gives vent to a cat's philosophical bent. - Observing life from an omniscient point of view allows one to witness fascinating human rituals. - Like Jon cleaning his ear. squeak squeak
ga831125 -- I wish I knew how to get off this door. - Sometimes it would be nice to have all the decisions made for you. - SLAM! and sometimes not.
ga831126 -- PLOP - Where did you come from, Garfield? - Rumor has it the stork brought me.
ga831127 -- - - - - - - They didn't call me the shimmy king for nothing.
ga831128 -- I hate mondays. I can't shake this awful feeling that something dreadful is going to happen to me. - I'm saved! It's nice to see a friendly face. - You're going to the vet, Garfield. ARRRGH!
ga831129 -- You don't look happy, Garfield. - Happy about going to the clinic? Put yourself in my shoes. - You get to flirt with the lady vet while I get the business end of her thermometer.
ga831130 -- Did you know I'm a medical curiosity, doc? I'm not surprised. - I'm missing a major organ. Your brain? - My heart, you've stolen it away. I hate to see a doctor cry.
ga831201 -- I'd like to make another appointment, Liz. Sure, when? - How about Friday night for dinner? - NO! Subtle but firm.
ga831202 -- Your cat is in good health, Mr. Arbuckle. Dandy. Now let's talk about us. - Let's do. Really? - You owe me forty dollars. I just adore love patter.
ga831203 -- Hi, Odie. - - If that dog's brain were a car, it would be jammed in neutral.
ga831204 -- GASP! - OH NO! WE'RE OUT OF COFFEE! - This is your fault, you guzzler! You didn't buy any! - Look at us, Garfield. We're getting irritable and shaky. We need coffee! - SNIFF...WHAZAT?! ZAT!S COFFEE! - EEEK! LOOK, HUBERT! PEEPING TOMS! Don't
ga831204 -- flatter yourself, Reba. Now go hide the silver.
ga831205 -- It's time you earn your keep around here, Garfield. There's a mouse hole and there's some cheese. You know what to do. - I certainly do. -
ga831206 -- Here's the scenario: cat crouches by cheese waiting for mouse to exit hole to retrieve same. Cat catches mouse. Fade out. The End. - Heck with it. - I prefer stories with a happy ending.
ga831207 -- Why should I have to catch an innocent little mouse? I have nothing against him. In fact, he's kind of lovable. - If you don't catch that mouse, I'm putting you out i the cold! - The furry twerp dies.
ga831208 -- This is demeaning. I have a noble heritage. I am a unique, vital individual. - And all I'm considered as around here is a mousetrap. - I must speak to my kitty litter changer about that.
ga831209 -- I don't want to catch that mouse. He's cute. I've even nicknamed him... - - "Stretch"
ga831210 -- - - Live and let live, I say.
ga831211 -- * _ I'm just a ramlin' kind of guy...ramlin', ramblin' - rambl - - Oh, no! I've heard terrible things about city sewers! - They say the pet alligators that are flushed into the sewers grow to huge proportions. - But this is ridiculous.
ga831212 -- OH NO! DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! - TURN BACK! TURN BACK! - Sometimes, a cat's feet just gotta climb.
ga831213 -- Here I am, stuck up a tree. Things couldn't be worse. - Okay, okay, NOW things couldn't be worse. - BOOM
ga831214 -- I maybe stranded up a tree... - But at least I'm on a sturdy limb. - The story of my life.
ga831215 -- Hey, fatso. What does a bird like you eat? - Cats. - chirp chirp
ga831216 -- This isn't safe. - Shoo! Shoo! Somebody might get hurt! - TOING!
ga831217 -- A way down! All I have to do is dive into that birdbath. - - 7.0 6.5
ga831218 -- Uh-oh, I feel a sneeze coming on! - Wah, wah. - WAH! WAH! WAH! - WACHOO! - Auntie em! Auntie em! Yeah, I got you, my pretty, and your little dog, too.
ga831219 -- 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hope that St. Nicholas soon would be there; FILL THIS ONE, SANTA! - The children
ga831219 -- were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads; NOW GIMME A VISION OF LASAGNA - And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap. THIS IS MY KIND OF
ga831219 -- STORY.
ga831220 -- When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. WHAT'S A SASH? - The moon on the breast of the new-fallen
ga831220 -- snow Gave the luster of midday to objects below. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear. But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer. THEY LOOK BIGGER ON TELEVISION. - With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a
ga831220 -- moment it must be St. Nick. OR MAYBE SANTA CLAUS.
ga831221 -- More rapid than eagles his coursers they came. And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen! ON, DOPEY! ON, SNEEZY! ON, HAPPY! - "To
ga831221 -- the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all! CAN'T THEY JUST WALK ANYWHERE? - As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So up to the housetop
ga831221 -- the coursers, they flew, With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas, too. TUNE IN TOMORROW. THE GOOD PART'S COMING.
ga831222 -- And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. OH, NO! A CHIMNEY MONSTER! - He was dressed all in fur,
ga831222 -- from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. YOU DIDN'T BREAK ANY TOYS; DID YOU? - His eyes-how they
ga831222 -- twinkled! His dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow; HE ALSO HAS A WELL-ROUNDED PERSONALITY.
ga831223 -- The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth. And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly That shook when he laughed, like a bowiful of jelly. HO! HO! HO! A FEW SIT-UPS WOULD TAKE CARE OF
ga831223 -- THAT, FELLA. - He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf. And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. WE MUST HAVE LUNCH SOMETIME. - He spoke
ga831223 -- not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk, and laying his finger aside of his nose. And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; HOW DID HE DO THAT?
ga831224 -- He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like to down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, are he drove out of sight, - HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! WHAT A NICE GUY, WHAT A NICE STORY. -
ga831224 -- Have a happy and loving holiday season.
ga831225 -- - Merry Christmas, Garfield. I got you some great presents! - Here is a radio controlled mouse... - And a mink scratching post! - ptoo - Odie, that bone is everything you own in the world. - It's the expensive gifts that impress me.
ga831226 -- Heh he rattle rattle - Cats have such active imaginations. I wonder what's going on in Garfield's mind right now. - Well...here I am, in a brown paper bag.
ga831227 -- Interesting. - Residing in a brown paper bag gives one an all-new perspective of one's self. - I feel like a dirty magazine.
ga831228 -- This bag needs eyeholes. - rip rustle rustle - Something's not right here.
ga831229 -- Got my sack, got my eyeholes, what more could a cat need? - ARRRRGH! - Armholes, definitely armholes.
ga831230 -- Awk! There's someone in this bag with me. - Oh, it's you. - Hello, bellybutton.
ga831231 -- fffff - POW! - I didn't know you were in the bag, Garfield. I was playing a trick on Odie. At least I died for a good cause.
ga840101 -- Oh boy, what a party, I ate too much. - I gotta get up and exercise. Here I go. - Okay, here I go o the count of three...one, two, three and up! - Up...up and exercise. Come on, Garfield. You can do it. - This time I'm really going to do it.
ga840101 -- Here go the legs lifting the body...now! - This time I'm really, really going to do it...one, two, three...Hi ya! - Have you been up today, Garfield? I think so.
ga840102 -- Rise and shine, Garfield, It's a bright new day! - It's gonna be a wonderful day, a great day! - I think I overcheerfuled it.
ga840103 -- How do you want your coffee, Garfield? Make it sit up and bark. - How's this? - Just right.
ga840104 -- - - Oh, no! It's the old "Disguise the tongue as a loaf of french bread" trick!
ga840105 -- Okay, who loosened the top on my saltshaker?! - Garfield, that wasn't very nice. You're right, that wasn't very nice. - But it was extremely funny.
ga840106 -- Go outside and play, Garfield. - Have a good time. - "Have a good time." he says.
ga840107 -- - Hey, Garfield, don't eat the lasagna yet... - It's still too hot. You're telling me?
ga840108 -- - - - - - -
ga840109 -- Don't eat me. You're too fat already! - Who are you? This is your conscience speaking. - I don't have a conscience. I know. I'm free-lancing.
ga840110 -- If you are my conscience, what are you doing in my food bowl? I took on a form you would understand. - What do you really look like? Well, if you must know... - I look like everyone's mother. Natch.
ga840111 -- Tell me, conscience, just what does a conscience do? - It is my duty to make you feel bad about things that make you feel good. - That's sad. It's a living.
ga840112 -- Well, conscience, if you don't mind, I'll go to bed now. Tah tah - Look both ways before crossing the street. - What's that supposed to mean? Sorry, it was just a knee-jerk nag.
ga840113 -- I can't believe my conscience is following me around. I must be cracking up. - A little nap-nap should clear my head. - You sleep too much. ACK
ga840114 -- Don't you think you should be getting up now? - Look, conscience, get out of my life. I have no use for you. Careful, fella. or I'll call my big brother. - Who's he? Guilt. On the jogging track in 5 minutes, sucker! Be there!
ga840115 -- Good morning, ham, good morning, eggs, good morning, milk. - There's one nice thing about visiting the farm... - The food is fresh. - Here, lunch. Here, lunch. - Uh-oh. - This is not good. - Garfield! Where have you been?! At Custer's last
ga840115 -- stand.
ga840116 -- I love it when the good humor man comes. DING DING - I love it when I get a popsicle. - I hate it when my lips stick to the *@!! popsicle.
ga840117 -- Ever notice how moths circle the light? - Like planets orbiting a distant sun. - I love it when I get philosophical.
ga840118 -- I wonder what happens when a moth gets too close to the light. - AYIEEEE! FOOM! - At least he didn't suffer.
ga840119 -- Let us examine a pet phenomenon called the "rips". - That's when your pets race around the house for no apparent reason. - Other than to mangle the family cat.
ga840120 -- You boys stop racing around. - Garfield, slow down! - Okay.
ga840121 -- Would you like to go for a walk, Odie? - Let's see...I need a leash. - You stay out of this.
ga840122 -- - I love sacks. - I wouldn't kid you, Parnelli. This honey will do 0-60 in 6 seconds flat. - I swear, Sally, get your head out of the sand. The sack dress is coming back. - I think I'll step into the root cellar and see what's for dinner. -
ga840122 -- OH, NO! - Hello, maintenance? Call the exterminator, my condo has dogs.
ga840123 -- - Good morning, Garfield. It's me, Nermal. I'm young and good-looking and you're not. - I didn't need that.
ga840124 -- Can I get you anything for breakfast, Garfield? - Yeah, how about a big glass of freshly-squeezed kitten juice? - You don't like me, don't you?
ga840125 -- How cute! Nermal brought me my newspaper! - And my slippers and my pipe! What more could a man want? - How about a woman?
ga840126 -- Let's get you into trouble, Nermal. - Look in the cookie jar! Look in the cookie jar! No, you can't have a cookie, Garfield, You'll spoil dinner. - Thanks for the cookies. Jeff would have known what Lassie was talking about.
ga840127 -- - BLUT! BLUT! - Call it cruel. Call it juvenile. I call it asserting myself.
ga840128 -- I hate to bother you, sir, but you put insufficient postage on your package. - What package? - This kitten you're sending to Abu Dhabi. GARFIELD
ga840129 -- Poor me. - What a yucky evening. - It's dark and rainy and there's nothing on television. - I crave sunshine, daisy-filled meadows and good times. I need a ticket out of here. - Wait a minute! I have one! SNAP! -
ga840130 -- I wonder how fast I can run. - I wonder what would happen if I hit this kitty door at Mach 2. - I wonder if killing a mailman is a federal offense.
ga840131 -- I love attacking the mailman. Some days I scratch him. Some days I bite him. Some days I trip him. - Today I'm trying something new. * - I'm humiliating him.
ga840201 -- * - ARRRGH! b-b-b-b - When he comes around, he'll thank me for breaking up the monotony of his dreary job.
ga840202 -- Come on, mailman, deliver that mail. - And when you do, I'm going to leap on you and all that will be left will be your mailbag and that silly-looking hat of yours. - Has the mailman come yet, Garfield? No, he's still standing at the end of
ga840202 -- the sidewalk sobbing.
ga840203 -- SLAM! - Rats! I missed him! - Apparently, no one ever told him to look both ways before crossing the street. SCREECH
ga840204 -- Be a good boy and fetch the mail, Garfield. Oui, mon capitaine. - RIP ROWT CLOBBER BLAP - Did you hurt him bad? Oh, just a few lacerations, abrasions and internal injuries. I was in a good mood.
ga840205 -- plop! - - GLUP! - ptoo ptoo - SPLUT! - Salvage the pride, Garfield, salvage the pride.
ga840206 -- Hey, Garfield, it says here people can perform superhuman feats of strength during periods of great stress. - What baloney! - By the way, I'm taking you to the vet today.
ga840207 -- You can't hide from forever, Garfield. I'm going to find you and take you to the vet. - You may be sneaky, but I'm sneakier. - "Sneaky" is my middle name.
ga840208 -- Garfield can't resist lasagna, and when he comes to eat it, I'm going to catch him and take him to the vet. - SMACK GULP SLURP - That cat has the longest lips I've ever seen.
ga840209 -- Now where could Garfield be? - He's not in tie cookies, and he certainly won't be in the doggie biscuits. - POO! It's a good thing I can't read.
ga840210 -- Aha! There you are, Garfield! You're going to the vet now. - - Sorry, Odie. SMACK
ga840211 -- I wish I could find Garfield's hiding place so I could take him to the vet. - He's sure hiding in a good place. - A good place-- Not a smart place-- But a good place.
ga840212 -- I can't believe my luck. This is too perfect. - I will now slide down this banister and make a four-point landing on Odie down there. - BANZAI! - - RATS! - I can see the headline now: "Twist in plot fatal to local cat".
ga840213 -- Wouldn't it be great if everything could talk? - I'd get out of bed and the wall would say, "Good morning, Jon." and the sink would say, "Good morning, Jon." That wouldn't be so hot. - Every time a light bulb burned out, it would be like a
ga840213 -- death in the family.
ga840214 -- If people had hair all over their bodies, would they wear clothing? - - Probably not.
ga840215 -- What would happen if people were cats and cats were people? - That's an easy one. - Dogs would soon be extinct.
ga840216 -- I was wondering, Garfield... - What if being fat were considered attractive? - What do you mean, "what if," bozo?
ga840217 -- I wonder what life would be like if we never had to eat. - That would take some getting used to. - For a time, mothers would fix their families three square nothings a day.
ga840218 -- What if there were never a Leonardo da Vinci? - That would be awful! - The da Vinci kids would have been orphans.
ga840219 -- RING! - BRING! SMASH! - DING DING DING DING - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - GASP! COUGH WHEEzeeee - SHOOP! - Rats! Too late! Now I'm wide awake.
ga840220 -- I hate mondays. - This is your conscience speaking. It's not nice to hate mondays. Look at it as starting a fresh week with a clean slate. - I hate mondays.
ga840221 -- This is your conscience speaking. Don't you dare push Odie off the table! That would be inhumane and cruel. - Then YOU push him off. POKE! - That was kind of fun.
ga840222 -- Why do you follow me around, conscience? If I don't you won't be very nice. - If I put this cork in your bottle would you be trapped? Yes, but that wouldn't be very nice. - That wasn't very nice.
ga840223 -- Now that my conscience is trapped in this bottle, I can walk away and enjoy myself. - That's okay, go ahead, have fun, don't worry about me. I'll just sit here in the dark...all alone. - You're very good. One of the best.
ga840224 -- Let's have some fun, Garfield. Take one step back. Okay. - - I thought consciences were supposed to be nice! I'm on break.
ga840225 -- I have my conscience trapped in this bottle. I'll just set it by Jon. - - Get a haircut.
ga840226 -- tappity tappity tappity - Good evening, ladies and germs. In our audience tonight is a boy scout delegation from Booga-Booga. Welcome, guys. - I'm dedicating my first song to you. Appropriately enough it's called, "I'm just a boy scouting for
ga840226 -- the key to your heart". - HEY! - All right, you Booga-Booga boobs! - If you're going to throw anything, throw money, okay? ...okay. - CLOBBER - Silly me, I forgot the only currency in Booga-Booga is 800-pound chariot wheels.
ga840227 -- What a glorious morning! - I could really enjoy a morning like this. - If I could only get this catch out of my back.
ga840228 -- I gotta get help for this catch in my back. - Hey, guys. - What we have here is a failure to communicate.
ga840229 -- Maybe a good night's sleep will help me get rid of this catch in my back. - - Maybe not.
ga840301 -- I hate having a catch in my back. I get no sleep, I get no food, I get no exercise. - - Don't tip the cat over, Odie. I get no respect.
ga840302 -- Well hello there, Mr. Stuck-Up. - Having a catch in one's back does tend to give one an air of sophistication... - I could get to like this.
ga840303 -- Let's take care of that catch in your back, Garfield. - CRINK! - There you go, old buddy. Thanks, I think.
ga840304 -- Hey, look! Odie! - It snowed last night! - Ha ha, so you boys want to play in the snow, huh? - First you'll have to wear your nice, warm pet sweaters. - And your wool caps and mittens and mufflers and booties. - There you go, boys. - Having
ga840304 -- fun yet? Ha ha ha, wheee.
ga840305 -- Who's that painting at my door? - HONK HONK - Oh, good morning, Odie. HONK
ga840306 -- YAWN - GASP! - Waking up to my own bad breath is bad enough, but someone else's is unbearable.
ga840307 -- I am proud to be a pet. Pets lend a touch of elegance to a home. SLUP SLUP - - I am proud to be a cat. SLUP SLUP
ga840308 -- Okay, get revved up there, Odie. - GO! - I love toys that don't need batteries.
ga840309 -- - crinkle - May I have some of that candy bar? Here, take it.
ga840310 -- - I declare this steak the sovereign property of Garfield, the cat! - I've never had my dinner annexed before. And you may never see it alive again.
ga840311 -- - SMACK Let's play! - Leave me alone, Garfield. Let's play! Let's play! - Oh, okay, we'll play. - TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE! HA! HA! HEE! HO! HEE! HEE! - OUCH! - I'm through playing now.
ga840312 -- Hey, Garfield, we're going to the farm to visit dad and mom this week. - Goodo. I need a change of surroundings. I was getting bored with this city life. - It will be nice to be bored in the country for a change.
ga840313 -- It's great to be back on the farm, Garfield. Nothing ever changes. - The same old surroundings, the same old room... - The same old chores. The same old manure.
ga840314 -- This pastoral scene is not exactly intellectually stimulating. - Read any good books lately? Oink. - "Oink," he says. I rest my case. "Oink" in the existential sense, of course.
ga840315 -- Doc, do you ever regret that you stayed on the farm while I went to the city to live in the lap of luxury? - Not really. Dad will probably will the farm to me, and I'll sell the acreage at a huge profit and retire while young. - Need a hired
ga840315 -- hand? Give me a resume and three good references. And mom doesn't count.
ga840316 -- Beautiful sunset, isn't it, dad? Purtyer than a little red wagon goin' up a hill. - What does that mean? - Oh, it's just something you city boys expect us farmers to say. How true.
ga840317 -- Garfield and I must be leaving now, mom. Stay, stay! I just baked some pies. - We gotta go. Come on, Garfield. - Say what, stranger?
ga840318 -- WHEW! - Today I am going to cure Garfield of his gluttony. - Go to it, boy! - He's either going to get sick eating all that food, or he's going to burst trying. MUNCH SMACK SLURP - Are you going to want the rest of that hamburger?
ga840319 -- AWK! - I love chasing birds. - Except when they do that.
ga840320 -- BONK! Rats! - Double rats! - And, of course, tripe rats.
ga840321 -- Shoo! - Flies and I have a lot in common... - You can't keep either of us away from food.
ga840322 -- I gotta beat that fly to my food! - I WIN! - You lose, fella. POO
ga840323 -- - WHEW - BOO!
ga840324 -- * - REARRR! - It's the old "bring in the reinforcements" trick.
ga840325 -- - - All right, you guys! Outside! - - - Where were you guys raised, in a barn? Next time use the door. - CRASH! Thank you.
ga840326 -- GARFIELD! I CAN'T STRAIGHTEN UP! - ZIP - Ha, ha, my tie was caught in my zipper. Help me.
ga840327 -- Gimme those cookies. - HIYA! HUT! KONK! PUNT! - I'd turn her in, but who'd admit to being mangled by a girl scout?
ga840328 -- Rise and shine, Garfield! - Garfield? - clunk clunk Time to wash my blankey, what say?
ga840329 -- Be a good boy and fetch the morning paper, Garfield. - Yes, master. I am your beck and call, master. - Why can't I have a normal house cat like everyone else?
ga840330 -- I need a brain for my master. - - A brain, I need a brain for my master.
ga840331 -- Ah, coffee. - - Being a hunchback is going to take some getting used to.
ga840401 -- This is it, boys. - Tonight we find out who the phantom ripper is. - He's stepping out the shadows now. - Oh, no! It's...it's you! AYIEEE! - Good movie. click - Who was he? - We thought YOU were watching. SMACK GRRRRR
ga840402 -- It's Monday out there. I feel it in the air. I hate mondays. - I'm sure the world will end on a Monday...at least I hope it does. - It would be a shame to end the world right before a weekend.
ga840403 -- Pooky, where are you? Oh, no! My teddy bear is missing. - This has the makings of a classic mystery. I already have some prime suspects. - It's easy when you live with a rogue's gallery.
ga840404 -- I suspect Odie of kidnapping Pooky. Watch him crumble under my keen questioning. - Where were you on the evening of April 1?! - What am I doing? Odie doesn't even know where he is now.
ga840405 -- There must be clue to Pooky's disappearance here somewhere... - Aha! could this be a telltale trail of teddy bear hair? - Even if it isn't, that was a pretty nifty bit of alliteration.
ga840406 -- Hello, what's this? Just as my teddy bear disappears, this sack mysteriously appears... - Something smells fishy here. -
ga840407 -- Aha! Jon! It was you who kidnapped Pooky! - Obviously, sensing I was hot on his trail and fearing my wrath, he's decided to return Pooky and throw himself on the mercy of the court. - I had your teddy bear cleaned, Garfield. Sigh...thank you.
ga840408 -- - - * AROOOOOOO * - tappity tappity clap clap clap - I like you, Garfield. - And I like myself, Arlene. I can take a hint. - Like myself when I'm with you that is.
ga840409 -- It's nearly midnight on a Monday. - I can't believe it! Nothing bad has happened to me all day. - COO-COO!
ga840410 -- Watch this. It's the old rubber bone gag. - SHOOP! - Practical jokes are wasted on the stupid.
ga840411 -- SQUIT - BLAT - Unnnngh! Help! Help! The alien is sucking my brain dry! Garfield has raised playing with food to an art form
ga840412 -- Garfield, I think it's time we grow up, be more responsible, take a more mature outlook on life... Hee hee - I don't think you're taking me seriously! I'm sorry. - I don't know what came over me.
ga840413 -- Stop begging, Garfield. You may have any food that falls on the floor. - - I hate you. I can live with that.
ga840414 -- Hee-hee, snort. - WAH-HA-HA! - Okay! Okay! I'm awake!
ga840415 -- Look out, world. - I feel invincible today. - FOOD! I CRAVE FOOD! - That took nearly three seconds, Jon. We'll do better next time, won't we? - I shall take my morning stroll mow. Be a good boy and alert the media. - Hold up, traffic. Here
ga840415 -- comes Garfield. Where were you? Learning that some things can't be intimidated.
ga840416 -- - - I'm sorry. Did I bring you down, old buddy? Like a rock, old buddy.
ga840417 -- I'm bored, Garfield. - I'm tired of seeing the same old scenery. Do you know what I mean? Not really. - At least you get to see the scenery.
ga840418 -- Garfield, there's only one way to shed this shroud of gray we wear... - There's only one path out of this valley of gloom. There's only one sure bet to beat the boreds. - Gather your things. We're going to vacation! I'm packed. Let's go!
ga840419 -- How much are the plane tickets? ...uh, do you have anything cheaper? - That could be fatal! - I don't think they want out business, Garfield. Where's the competition for the low rollers these days?
ga840420 -- Thank you very much. - Garfield, I had to book our vacation all third-class. I hope you don't mind. That's okay. - It's still better than this fourth-class existence at home.
ga840421 -- Let's blow this joint, Garfield. - Hang on! - Where did you go? To give the refrigerator a goodbye kiss.
ga840422 -- Thank heavens for these reduced airline rates, Garfield. No frills, no food, no class. - Welcome to Inversion Layer Airlines, sir. In what section are you traveling? Uh...third class. - What section, sir? Third class. - I can't hear you!
ga840422 -- THIRD CLASS! - In the back with the rest of the slime, you vermin! - Why can't I get any respect, Garfield? In this game, you must BUY respect, my friend.
ga840423 -- I haven't seen a stewardess in hours, Garfield. - I'm going to find out what's going on around here. - Excuse me sir. How's the service on this airline?
ga840424 -- Hey! We're getting hungry here in third-class! What's to eat?! - BLAT! BLAT! - Hardtack and swill. Yum-yum. CONK! CONK!
ga840425 -- Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! - Mikey, it's not nice to make fun of people, even though they ARE traveling in third-class. - NO! GARFIELD, NO! LET ME HURT 'EM JUST A LITTLE BIT!
ga840426 -- - I know this is just the third-class exit from the plane, Garfield... - But you'd think they'd give us a ladder or something.
ga840427 -- I would like your cheapest room for me and my cat. Yes, sir. That would be the Jack Benny suite, sir. - Well, Garfield, there's the bed and the bathroom's down the hall. Any questions? Yes... - Where are YOU going to sleep?
ga840428 -- All I have to do is unpack, Garfield, and we'll be ready for some rest and relaxation. - ARRRRGH! NOT ANOTHER PET TO TAKE CARE OF! - I don't think I can take any more surprises. Then don't look at what Odie did to your sport jacket.
ga840429 -- - You guys have a good time, but no digging in the sand, if you know what I mean? - Hey, baby! What's your sign? - Careful, buddy. She's MY girl. - Aw, go pound sand, you little twerp - - Well...I guess we are to do as he says, not as he
ga840429 -- does.
ga840430 -- Hey, Garfield! Are you ready to go play golf? - - Aren't you coming? On second thought, I think I'd rather stay in the room and watch the sink back-up
ga840501 -- ODIE! GET AWAY FROM THAT TREE! GARFIELD! GET OUT OF THAT SAND TRAP! - Would you mind observing proper golf etiquette there, mister? - I'm sorry, but my pets are driving me nuts. It's the outfit I'm talking about.
ga840502 -- CRACK! - Oh, no! I hit an old lady in the head and knocked her out cold! - What should I do, Garfield? I'd straighten that left arm and turn that right hand over more.
ga840503 -- - ROWR! - GARFIELD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THAT SAND TRAP? Squatting on a sandburg, thank you.
ga840504 -- Well, boys, it's been a nice vacation, but it's time to head home. - Good heavens! What happened to you guys?! - Odie discovered how to dial room service. Burp.
ga840505 -- Here we are! Home sweet home! - ARRRGH! - OKAY; WHO LEFT THE FAUCET RUNNING?! I didn't want my sponge collection to dry out.
ga840506 -- - MY BED! ODIE'S SLEEPING IN MY BED! - This calls for a good stomping! - STOMP STOMP STOMP - - - So much for my french bread and olive collection.
ga840507 -- Some people wonder why I hate mondays. - Maybe I'm fatalistic. - But I suspect I'm just stupid.
ga840508 -- scratch scratch scratch - WHAM! - I'm not very fond of Tuesday, either.
ga840509 -- I am absolutely not getting out of bed today. - Hey, Garfield. There's a spider on your blanket. - I keep forgetting we live in a generation without absolutes.
ga840510 -- I'll teach him to be a spider! STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP - He won't have the guts to do that again. - STOMP STOMP Better safe than sorry. STOMP STOMP STOMP
ga840511 -- Look at this. - A cat stroking his owner! - Why so affectionate, Garfield? I just squashed a spider.
ga840512 -- - SLUG - Big day.
ga840513 -- - Fetch the stick, Odie! - - -
ga840514 -- I'm lonely. I think I'll see if I can find Arlene. - Hi there. You two-timing swine! - What happened?
ga840515 -- Hi, Arlene. DON'T SPEAK TO ME, YOU CAD, I SAW YOU WITH THAT OTHER WOMAN! - Oh come on now, do I look like the kind of guy who could easily attract women? I suppose you're right. And just what do you mean by that?
ga840516 -- Here is your dinner, my dear. BLAT - Is this food fresh? Ha ha ha, why of course! - This is only yesterday's newspaper.
ga840517 -- Aren't you going to join me for dinner, Garfield? Uh...no thank you. I'm on a diet. - A diet?! How long have you been on a diet? - Oh, for about 18 seconds now.
ga840518 -- Ho hum... - Why do we see each other? It beats being lonely. - I was hoping for something more romantic. That's way down the list.
ga840519 -- - Is our date over? Did it begin? - Some women don't appreciate us strong, silent types.
ga840520 -- tappity tappity tappity - Good evening, folks. Here's a joke...what did the beaver say when he heard the chain saw? - CHUKONG! - Chirp Chirp They're playing my song. - All of your mothers wear army boots. - KONG CRASH! BAP! - Why do you do
ga840520 -- it, Garfield? I loooove the attention.
ga840521 -- I hate Monday. That's the day people go back to work, kids go back to school... - - And diets begin.
ga840522 -- Garfield, you're too fat. I can't help it. - I have a slow metabolism. - A reeeeeeal slow metabolism.
ga840523 -- Do you know what I hate about diets? - Eating is social. - But when you diet, you diet alone.
ga840524 -- I think I have a way out of this diet. - I know I'm too fat for a cat... - But, I'm just right for a bumblebee!
ga840525 -- How goes the diet, Garfield? - ROAR - What was that?! That was my stomach, you twit.
ga840526 -- - AYIEEEEE! - Everyone's a critic. cough weeze
ga840527 -- * - Oh no! - I've tangle wit that dog before. - If I take my eyes off him, he'll clobber me! - I can't stand it. - WHONGO! - Why did you do that? I hit him back first.
ga840528 -- I hate mondays. Garfield, I don't know why you hate mondays so much. - BLAT! - SEE?!!!
ga840529 -- Good morning, Garfield. - I made your coffee just like you like it. - Strong.
ga840530 -- Oh shucks, I just spilled the only cup of coffee we have in the house. - -
ga840531 -- * ROWR * - WHOCK! - Garfield, where did the flowers come from? Well, why don't we just read the note?
ga840601 -- You like to scratch things, don't you, Garfield? Does a chicken like to peck? Sure I do! - Good! Scratch my back. - NO CLAWS! NO CLAWS! If I didn't use claws, I wouldn't be scratching, now would I?
ga840602 -- Scratch higher, Garfield. - Higher! - Get off the curtains, Garfield. I was just following instructions.
ga840603 -- grrrr - RRRRRR Jon's best shoes! - Sometimes Odie makes me so angry, I could just scream. - - - - ARRRRRGH!
ga840604 -- Good morning, boys and girls. Good morning, uncle Roy. - I love you just the way you are. I love you too, uncle Roy. - I also love mondays. Stick it in your ear, uncle Roy.
ga840605 -- Good morning, boys and girls. I love you just the way you are. Everybody loves uncle Roy. - You are kind, thoughtful, obedient and considerate. - Not to mention intelligent, witty and charming. We all know uncle Roy is a liar, but we don't
ga840605 -- care.
ga840606 -- Here we are in a real factory, boys and girls. Let's see what we can learn... - ARRRRRGH! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! - SHUT THIS **!* THING OFF. Uncle Roy is learning never to wear loose clothing around big machinery.
ga840607 -- Good morning, boys and girls. You are probably wondering where my dog, Bob, is this morning. - Wellll...it seems old Bob bit Mr. Blue Jeans the mailman once too often... - So Bob has decided to move to a local research facility to pursue a
ga840607 -- career as a laboratory animal. And I'm Frank Sinatra.
ga840608 -- Let's play pretend, boys and girls. Let's pretend it's contract negotiation time for uncle Roy... - And there are big green monsters who want to take uncle Roy off the air... - And the only thing that can save uncle Roy are letters saying how
ga840608 -- much you love uncle Roy. I hate to see a grown man grovel.
ga840609 -- Looks who's come to visit, boys and girls. It's Jerry the Cat. Hi, Jerry. Hi, uncle Roy. - How are you? I'm fine, How are you? Uncle Roy is getting pretty bizarre. - How's your mother? She's fine. Who'd be dumb enough to believe there is a
ga840609 -- talking cat?
ga840610 -- Hey, Jon, Look at this! - Hey, Jon. Watch me! - Jon doesn't pay any attention to me anymore. Watch this. - Hey, Jon! - Hey, Jon! - Hey, Garfield? What, Jon? - I don't pay any attention to me anymore.
ga840611 -- - - Don't you dare. I don't know what you're talking about.
ga840612 -- Every morning for nearly six years now, I fix raisin toast for Garfield. - He loves his raisin toast. - What's in the drawer? A six-year supply of raisins.
ga840613 -- * crack - OH, YUK! - It's not often you see a yolk with a beak.
ga840614 -- How would you like your bacon prepared, Garfield? Let's shoot for recognizable. - Jon is a terrible cook. He could ruin cereal. - Bacon flambe, yum yum.
ga840615 -- An interesting thing about food... - One minute it may be haute cuisine. - But the instant you put it into the sink, it becomes garbage.
ga840616 -- Here's your cereal, Garfield. - What's the matter? Aren't you hungry? Not really. - I think one of the flakes just moved.
ga840617 -- - I'm going to kick Odie off this table. - And he'll probably sprain something and have to go to the vet. - And I'll get lonely without him. - And Jon will be angry without me. - And the humane society will want to lynch me. - But nobody said
ga840617 -- life was a rose garden.
ga840618 -- I can't believe I turn six years old tomorrow. Some cats say, "Life begins at six," but I don't buy that. - Old age may take its toll on some cats, but it's not going to happen to me! I'm going to do something about it! - Right after my nap.
ga840619 -- Happy birthday, Garfield! I got you a rubber chicken. They're lots of fun! We'll see about that. - SMACK SPLUT - Chicken, you and I are going to have some good times.
ga840620 -- You need a name, fella. Let's see...what do you name a rubber chicken? - rrrrr - "Stretch"!
ga840621 -- peck peck peck - SMACK! - I'll have some ham and eggs, and my friend, Stretch, will have a bowl of rubber bands.
ga840622 -- peck peck peck - STOP PECKING ME WITH THAT RUBBER CHICKEN! - Aw, look, you just hurt Stretch's feelings. He brings out the worst in me.
ga840623 -- Pooky, I would like you to meet Stretch, my rubber chicken. - Quite frankly, Pooky and Stretch don't have a lot of personality. - But you have to trade off something when you surround yourself with good listeners.
ga840624 -- - YAWN It's bed-bye time again. - Tonight I think I'll take a deep breath, slowly close my eyes and savor the heavy feeling of sleep gradually overtaking my body. PAT! PAT! PAT! - Then again it would be fun to have a cup of coffee and toss
ga840624 -- and turn for a couple of hours, then sleep till noon. - Or maybe I'll run around the block, collapse into bed exhausted and fall asleep instantly. - Or I could watch the all-night movies on TV until my eyelids get so heavy I couldn't possibly
ga840624 -- hold them open any longer. - Sigh...so much sleeping to do and so few nights.
ga840625 -- Garfield, I think you're too mean to Odie. - I never want to see you hit him again. Oh, very well. - KONK!
ga840626 -- I'm going to the store, Garfield. If you lay a paw on Odie, I'll spank you. - - BOING
ga840627 -- Garfield, I swear you've done everything to Odie a cat could do to a dog. Au contraire. - PLINK - Never underestimate me.
ga840628 -- Hey, Odie! I found your nose! - Let me put it on for you, pal. squik squik - Very nice. I like you as a rat terrier.
ga840629 -- Well, well, well. I see you're eating my food, Odie. Now what are going to do with you? - We are going to kick you into next week! That's what we're going to do! PUNT - Where's Odie? Somewhere over saturday.
ga840630 -- Lunch isn't the same without Odie. He always slips up behind me, barks loudly and makes me fall into my food. - I guess I 'll just have to make do. - BLUT
ga840701 -- - I believe you're gaining weight, Garfield. I believe your eyeballs are shrinking. - Look at that soft belly. That's just water retention. - Now why do you suppose you're looking larger? An optical illusion? - The older you get', the bigger
ga840701 -- you get. Bigger-boned maybe. - You're fat, Garfield. I am not fat! - My center of gravity is just getting lower.
ga840702 -- I have this nagging feeling I'm forgetting something. - WHUMP! - Oh yes, I forgot I kicked Odie into next week, last week.
ga840703 -- Pooky loves me, I can tell. - He doesn't talk, he doesn't walk, he doesn't think. -  a little nothing goes a long way.
ga840704 -- I'm working up a routine for the fence tonight, Pooky. Tell me what you think of it. - I knew a teddy bear who was so ugly, even the tide wouldn't take it out. - BLAT!
ga840705 -- Good evening, ladies and germs. I'd like you to meet Pooky, my gag writer. - SPLAT - Welcome to the show biz, kid.
ga840706 -- Jump through the hoop, Pooky. - Hey, Garfield, what's happening? I'm pretending to teach Pooky tricks. -
ga840707 -- Butterflies are versatile. They can caress the air. - They can kiss the dew from the flowers. - And they can embed themselves in radiators. FWAP!
ga840708 -- scritch scritch - I'll be darned. These labels are loose. - * - It's the old "Cats get the tuna while the owner get the cat food" gag. - - Surprise, Garfield! I fixed us a tuna noodle casserole. - Oh, well, I guess a half a surprise is better
ga840708 -- than none at all.
ga840709 -- Garfield, I know you hate mondays. - But everything that could possibly happen to you has already happened. - Au contraire, power failure breath.
ga840710 -- Since we can't watch TV during a power failure, Garfield, what say we listen to the radio? - Ha ha! Do I feel stupid. That's because you ARE stupid. CLICK CLICK - How about a game of cards? No, thanks. I'm just going to sit here and cry for a
ga840710 -- while.
ga840711 -- I've learned something from this power failure, Garfield. - When you are deprived of your eyesight, isn't it amazing how much keener your other senses become? - Huh?
ga840712 -- Don't worry, Garfield. The power failure may have spoiled the food in the refrigerator... - But we still have lots of canned goods. - Now where's our electric opener? ARRRGH!
ga840713 -- Hey, Garfield, as long as the power is off, we might as well go out. - I have my bowling ball. Let's go bowling. - Get your fingers out of my eyes and your thumb out of my mouth, and I'll consider it.
ga840714 -- - Great! The power's back on! I can't think of anything worse than a power failure. - How about two power failures?
ga840715 -- Z Z - BABOOM! - SHOOP ZOOM - Allright you guys, get out of here. It's only a little thunderstorm. - Pets...they're just like kids. - CRACK KABOOM! - Urf! Give me some room, will you? Hey! Your feet are cold!
ga840716 -- And now, a word from our sponsor. - Hey, America. Here's a cat food we bet your cat will love. - You're on.
ga840717 -- Good morning, old buddy. - ARRRGH! That's only a piece of lint, Garfield. - It sure does a great spider impression.
ga840718 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! - Odie isn't really stupid. BONK - He's just chased one too many parked cars.
ga840719 -- Okay, you turkeys, I'm prepared for anything. - * AROOO * - CRASH!
ga840720 -- Garfield, if you mess with my new fish, you'll regret it. - What's so regrettable about a little seafood snack? - Jon's going to pay for this.
ga840721 -- - Well, well, Odie. I see you derive great pleasure from other's misfortune. - So do I! SNAP!
ga840722 -- - Garfield, where are yoooooou? - Get out of the breadbox, Garfield! - Get out from under the chair, Garfield! - Garfield, you know I hate it when you hide from me! - Oh, well. I'll find him sooner or later. There's only so many places a fat
ga840722 -- slob like him can hide. - Get out of the bookcase, Garfield.
ga840723 -- You sleep too much, Garfield. - Sometimes I do feel bad about sleeping so much. - What with all the insomniacs in China.
ga840724 -- What Odie needs is a good kick. - Uh-oh! Nap attack! - I don't even want to know. Z
ga840725 -- Z - Z SNORT! SNORT! Z
ga840726 -- Z - Z Whimper - No, Odie, Garfield isn't dead. He's just a hardcore sleeper.
ga840727 -- Are you going to sleep all day, Garfield? Let me check my social calendar. - Let's see...there's high tea with the Queen of England tomorrow, but nothing today. - Z Ask a stupid question...
ga840728 -- YAWN What a great night's sleep! - I'm ready to attack a fresh new day. - Good evening, Garfield. What's on the late movie?
ga840729 -- Good morning, Garfield. I'm hungry. - How would you like your egg prepared? I would like it hatched. - Raise it to young chickenhood on a diet of cracked corn, barley and sorghum molasses. - Then barbecue the dude.
ga840729 -- I should think a steak sauce and honey glaze would be nice. - - Scrambled? Scrambled.
ga840730 -- There's only one way to beat the heat today. - Where are you going, Garfield? To the beach. - Hello, beach.
ga840731 -- There's only one thing I  hate about the beach. - PONK! - It's always so crowded.
ga840801 -- GREAT! - - Surf's up!
ga840802 -- Garfield, I know you like to have fun... - But you look ridiculous. - Stand aside there, fella. Here comes my next wave.
ga840803 -- Okay, everyone out of the pool! I'm going swimming. - You! the one with the whistle-out! - I don't need a lifeguard.
ga840804 -- * - Rats. - I thought you were going swimming. The water was polluted.
ga840805 -- Hello, what have we here? - I think I'll draw something. - Hey, Garfield! This is a great drawing! Do you know what his means?! - A cat who can draw! We'll make millions. You'll be famous! - We'll tour the world! Live out a suitcase! You'll do
ga840805 -- thousands of drawings! - SLASH! - Why did you do that? Suddenly, life got too complicated.
ga840806 -- NO! NO! NO! DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! - ARRRGH! SOMEONE HELP ME! - Sometimes it's hard to fight primal instincts.
ga840807 -- Hello, lunch. - - Those bird's nets are deceptively large.
ga840808 -- Why do I do it? Why do I climb up trees when I can't climb down? - The neighborhood always turns out to see me. Then the fire department comes to get me. Then my picture ends up in the newspaper. - I just answered my own question.
ga840809 -- Oh good! Here comes a fireman to save me! - Terrific. Why do I always get the fat ones? - And the ones who are sensitive about their weight?
ga840810 -- I'm getting sleepy. - If birds can sleep in trees, so can I. - Z
ga840811 -- If I truly believe I'm a bird, I might be able to flap my arms and fly out of this tree. - I'm a bird! I'm a bird! - I hope birds' bones knit quickly.
ga840812 -- Ballet slippers? Uh-oh, Jon's getting weird on me. - See the ballet slippers I'm giving my niece, Garfield? I wish I had ballet slippers. - I'll let this niece has never been on pointe. - Or done a jete. - Or a pirouette. - POW! - What
ga840812 -- happened? I had a ballet slipper blow out on a bourree.
ga840813 -- - WHAP! - Sometime, somewhere, when you are least expecting it...Monday strikes.
ga840814 -- What's wrong with this picture? - There's no food in your bowl, Garfield. Give the man a cigar! Fill it up, turkey. - I hate it when lower life forms are condescending to me.
ga840815 -- I've been taken! There was only one kernel of popcorn in this whole bag. - Oh, well, one's better than nothing. - POP!
ga840816 -- Good morning, fern. How about a drink of water, little friend? - How nice, Garfield, I'm glad to see you take an interest in my fern. - I'm fattening it for slaughter.
ga840817 -- Where is it written that humans must give cats milk in saucers?! Why not in cups or bowls or pans? - SPLASH - SEE?! I think Garfield is trying to tell me something.
ga840818 -- What is it, Garfield? - Pick me up. Too fat to hop on the table, huh? - One of these days, I'll learn.
ga840819 -- - - SCRIK - SLUCK - SHLONK - TUCK - I love rubber pets.
ga840820 -- I'm bored, bored, bored. I need something to spice up my week. - THAT'S IT. - The caped avenger returns.
ga840821 -- Uh-oh. - RUN FOR COVER, ODIE! - Make way for the caped avenger. - Garfield is fantasizing again.
ga840822 -- The caped avenger seeks out evil wherever it may lurk. - - As long as it isn't in dark scary places.
ga840823 -- The caped avenger will now descend upon an old archenemy. - BLAT! - The caped avenger forgot to correct for crosswind.
ga840824 -- Be careful, mere mortal man! That food may be poisoned! The caped avenger will taste it for you. - - It's okay. (burp) Enjoy.
ga840825 -- The caped avenger pauses to wash his cape. - - The hankied avenger plods on.
ga840826 -- Hmmm. - This ladder gives me a great idea. - I'm going to glue my feet to the ceiling. - And blow Jon's mind. - This is going to be fun. - Unless, of course, Jon doesn't see me. - Unless, of course, Jon goes to bed.
ga840827 -- Guess what, Garfield! We're going to the farm this week. - Whoopty-doo. Going to the farm is like going to the zoo... - Where they eat everything but th cats.
ga840828 -- Dad! Mom! - Jon Boy! Jonny! - I wish they'd call me by my real name. You're right, dummy.
ga840829 -- Doc Boy! Don't call me Doc Boy! - What's with him, dad? Ever since he started wearing long pants, he's hated the be called "Boy". - How long has that been? Since last thursday. A late bloomer.
ga840830 -- I know we're brothers, Doc Boy, but do you think we've grown apart since I moved to the city? Don't call me Doc Boy. - How would you like it if I called you a city slicker? I wouldn't like that. - DOC BOY! DOC BOY! DOC BOY! SLICKER! SLICKER!
ga840830 -- SLICKER! Boys! Boys! Boys!
ga840831 -- Well, Garfield, this week you learned where bacon comes from. Bacon comes from a pig. - And you learned where milk comes from. Milk comes from the udder of a cow. - Would you like to know where eggs come from? I would as soon that remain a
ga840831 -- mystery.
ga840901 -- Do you know what worries me, Garfield? - My grandfather was bald, my dad is bald and my brother is balding. Not to worry. - You are probably adopted.
ga840902 -- Garfield, when we get to the campsite, what's the first thing you'd like to do? Go home. - Here we are, boys. We're camping miles from nowhere. I'd say we're closer than that. - CLICK - Oh no! Odie locked himself in the car! The poor little
ga840902 -- guy could suffocate! I think I'm starting to enjoy camping. - Unlock the door, boy. Unlock the door. Breathe deeply, boy. - Something just occurred to me. Could it be...? Could it be, Odie isn't as stupid as he looks?
ga840903 -- Pwoooock, pwock, pwock, pwock. - - Don't look, Stretch! It's not a pretty sight!
ga840904 -- Pwoooock, pwock, pwock, pwock. - PUKUCK! PUKUCK! PUKUCK! - My rubber friend, Stretch, objects to your cannibalistic ways. I'd like to have just one meal in peace.
ga840905 -- Garfield, do you know how silly you look carrying that stupid rubber chicken around all the time? - FFFFF - Uh-oh, fella. Now you did it. You made Stretch mad.
ga840906 -- Are you in there, Garfield? - There ain't nobody here but us chickens. - I WILL NOT SPEAK TO YOUR RUBBER CHICKEN! Think of Stretch as my social secretary.
ga840907 -- Here, Stretch, have an apple. - - STOMP! POO! DONG!
ga840908 -- Okay, guys, get on your mark, get st, go! - - Competition is apparently not a driving force in their lives.
ga840909 -- Hello, I'm Nermal, the... "The world's cutest kitten." I know, I know. - Why, hello, Nermal. Aren't you cute. - I want some attention, too. BONK - Aw, poor little guy! - Well, two can play the sympathy game. - CRASH! - That was one of my best
ga840909 -- plates. That was one of my best heads.
ga840910 -- I love your purr, Garfield. Purrr - I wish there were a way to get the purr without the cat. Purrr - But I guess you have to take the bad with the good. You're treading on thin ice, fella.
ga840911 -- Ready for a gourmet meal, Garfield? - WHAM! - I hate spiders.
ga840912 -- One nice thing about confiding in pets is that they are non-judgmental. - Garfield, I got a speeding ticket today. - SMACK! That was a stupid thing to do.
ga840913 -- - Why, thank you, Garfield! - PSHHH
ga840914 -- Hee, hee, there's more than one way to skin a cat. - WHIRRRRR! How prophetic.
ga840915 -- Rats, Garfield fell asleep in the middle of the door. - Have you ever tried to pick up a sleeping cat? - It's impossible.
ga840916 -- * - Good morning, Garfield. Good morning, Jon. My rubber chicken, Stretch, needs a bath too. - SPLOOSH! - Sign here for this package, mister. - PAPER! BONK - HEY, WORLD! I'M TAKING A BATH! COME ON IN AND WATCH! I'll be right back. I'm sure
ga840916 -- the man's joking, Reba.
ga840917 -- - - It's diet time, Garfield. I was afraid of that.
ga840918 -- In order to properly diet, you must change your eating habits, Garfield. - You must look at food differently. - Ha ha ha, Garfield.
ga840919 -- Let's measure your tummy, Garfield. - When you take four inches of your waist, you may go off your diet. - And that doesn't count.
ga840920 -- You may have coffee on your diet, Garfield. - Thank goodness. - This diet isn't going to be as bad as I thought.
ga840921 -- For once in my life, a diet worked. - I'm going to treat myself to a potato chip. - poomp! Rats.
ga840922 -- - Let's see how I did on my diet this week. Whimper. Oh, shut up.
ga840923 -- Good morning, sunshine, poke poke poke - Hey, Garfield, what's all this junk in your bed? - This isn't junk, this is my stuff. - I use this brass lizard to scratch my back. - And here is some extra cat hair for your food, and a double corncob
ga840923 -- that is a family heirloom. - And this is my bean-filled whack-bonk. What does that do? - WHACK! BONK
ga840924 -- It's Monday morning. A cold. gray, dizzy Monday morning. - Some dude with a trumpet is wailin' some blues on the radio and my breakfast is cold. * *  - It's all so perfectly depressing I can't wipe this smile off my face. *
ga840925 -- Hold it right there. I always want to remember you like this. - As the kind, benevolent provider. - Trying to poison me with that cat food!
ga840926 -- munch smack slurp - Uh-oh! - Quickfood.
ga840927 -- - BARK! BLUT! - Twenty years from now I'm going to look back on this and LAAAAAAUGH. rowr fffft!!
ga840928 -- What are you doing with your teddy bear, Garfield? - Pooky and I are having lunch. We do everything together. I swear. - You cats have the strangest habits.
ga840929 -- Oh, come on, Garfield. The cat food isn't that bad. - Then let's see how YOU like it! - mmm good. YOU LIE!
ga840930 -- - - - - - - I thought fat people were jolly.
ga841001 -- Look at all those poor saps trudging to work on a Monday morning. - Ha ha ha, you poor saps, you have to go to work and I don't 'cause I'm a cat! - If I weren't me, I wouldn't like me very much.
ga841002 -- It's a real rat race out there. - Everybody striving to get ahead. - I think I'll go take a nap and fall off the pace.
ga841003 -- - SUCK - He's so lazy, I could just cry. Burp
ga841004 -- I got you something special, Garfield. - It's too light for food, and you can't wrap sleep. - It can't be THAT special.
ga841005 -- Good night, Garfield. - *CLICK* Don't let the thing in the closet get you. - Don't do that to me!
ga841006 -- I think I'll try a two-and-a-half nap attack in the pike position with a half twist. - - I'll settle for a belly-flop. Z
ga841007 -- - - - - HEY, HUBERT! REBA! COME HERE, QUICK! - Play cowboy and horsy, boys. Do a handstand, Garfield. Balance on Garfield, Odie. Sad. He should get out of the house more.
ga841008 -- This feels like a great day to spend in bed. - Hop up, Garfield. We're gooing on a picnic! Give the bugs and snakes my regrets. I ain't going. - I'll get you for this, Monday!
ga841009 -- What's this? I packed the microwave for our picnic. - Well, I'm leaving it here. - WHA...! If the television stays, I stay.
ga841010 -- Wait 'til you taste my cherry pie, Garfield. It's the world's best. - I agree. - 22 million ants can't all be wrong.
ga841011 -- The picnic's all set, Garfield. - Did I forget anything? - You forgot the brick for the tablecloth.
ga841012 -- That pesky wind won't spoil our picnic now, Garfield. - Where's the mustard? - Under the third rock from the left.
ga841013 -- Well, Garfield, the ants ate my cherry pie. The wind blew the food everywhere. DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT! - What else could possibly go wrong? - You said it!
ga841014 -- MUNCH SLURP SMACK GULP - Burp. Oh, boy, I ate too much pizza. Z - SHUFFLE SHUFFLE SHUFFLE - Who are you guys? We are your pizza nightmare. - I'm the pepperoni, and these here are the onions and the anchovies. - - And who are you? I'm the
ga841014 -- matto ball you ate three weeks ago.
ga841015 --  Good morning, folks! My oh my, it's a beautiful Monday morning out there. - Our weather radar shows clear skies with no rain in sight. - Except over one house in the suburbs.
ga841016 -- Our satellite picture shows clouds over the northeast, sunny skies in the southwest... - Traffic backed up on 12th street... - And my little niece, Sally, playing in her sandbox i Texas. Kind of scary, isn't it?
ga841017 -- Wuth. - You can always tell when Odie has been eating out of the refrigerator. - He gets his tongue stuck in the ice cube trax. Wuth.
ga841018 -- GULP MUNCH SLURP - Why do you eat so much, Garfield? - In a former life I was a sanitary landfill.
ga841019 -- Clouds are so interesting. I love to find shapes in them. - There's a chicken cloud, and a hamburger cloud, and a bicycle cloud. - And I do believe that one's a rain cloud.
ga841020 -- What do you think of my new frame, Garfield? - ARRRGH! - Thank heavens! For a moment I thought it was a mirror.
ga841021 -- - - PUCUCK! - ONE MORE STUNT LIKE THAT AND I'M GOING TO WRING YOUR RUBBER CHICKEN'S NECK! - - I'm sorry I snapped at you, Garfield? Will you forgive me? I forgive you. - SMACK! WHAP! But Stretch doesn't!
ga841022 -- Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. - Hey, Arlene, what's my most outstanding feature? You're fat. - Did you hear that? She admires me for my body.
ga841023 -- Do you love me more than you love food, Garfield? - Do chickens have lips? - No. Bingo.
ga841024 -- Aren't you ashamed of that space between your teeth? Of course not! - It's a sign of sensitivity. - I'd be sensitive about it too. I don't know what I see in him.
ga841025 -- Don't you just love sunrise, Garfield? The chirping of the birds...the crisp morning air. - The sound of bacon sizzling in the skillet...the smell of fresh brewed coffee. - I get the feeling we're watching two different channels.
ga841026 -- Why do you like bachelorhood, Garfield? I can sum it up in a word... - "uncomplicated" - That sounds simple. Simple, that's me.
ga841027 -- What is love to you, Garfield? Love is that exhilarating feeling you get when a vision of beauty comes walking to you. - In fact, I just had that experience. When you saw me? - When I saw my mirror this morning.
ga841028 -- - - - POO! - - KONK! - The harder you work for something, the more you appreciate it.
ga841029 -- Garfield, there's a mouse in the house, and I'm just sick about it. - It chewed the toe out of my sock. - I want you to catch it and kill it. Now I'M sick about it.
ga841030 -- Good morning, mouse. Good morning, cat. - Make yourself at home. Gladly. - But first, some house rules.
ga841031 -- Hey, cat, gimme a drumstick. Sure. - Enjoy.
ga841101 -- What's your name, mouse? OK, gee. I don't think I have a name. - Oh, come on, what do people say when they meet you? - My name is Eek!
ga841102 -- We gotta give you a name, mouse. - How about Crusher? How about Bruiser? How about Cat killer? - How about Squeak? I like it.
ga841103 -- Here, Squeak, let me strap this key to your back. What's this for? - I don't remember buying you a toy mouse, Garfield. - Got the picture? You're a genius!
ga841104 -- - A dimly lit street corner at midnight. This puts me in the mood for some snappy patter. - Hey, good-lookin!. What's happening? Who are you? - Names aren't important. Some call me a soldier of fortune, some call me a renaissance man. You can
ga841104 -- call me "Major". I love men in uniform. - What say we go to Rick's Cafe Americain for a soda pop? I'm with you, big boy. - Here's lookin' at you, sweetheart. SMACK! Rats. I think I chucked her chin a little hard.
ga841105 -- Hide! Here comes my owner! - Why are we hiding? Jon wants me to eat you and I don't want to. - You're so nice! Thanks for thinking of me. I was thinking of me.
ga841106 -- Okay, Squeak, here's the game plan. Every now and then, you show up in front of Jon and dance around until I appear on the scene and chase you away. - In return, you get a nice home to live in, and I get to keep my job. - This is a strange
ga841106 -- world we live in. You gotta play by the rules.
ga841107 -- Here's your cat food, Garfield. - A MOUSE! - That must be the surprise at the bottom of the box.
ga841108 -- Hey, Squeak, I found a great place for you to live! - Jon will never think to look for you in this old log cabin. - Nice, huh? Is it in a good school system?
ga841109 -- Thanks for the house, Garfield. A man needs a place to call his own. This is great! Don't mention it, kid. - -
ga841110 -- Listen carefully, Squeak. This is a mousetrap. Never, NEVER touch the tab in the center of it. - You mean, this little tab here? - This boy does not take direction well. Hey! That hurt!
ga841111 -- - - WAH HA HA HA! - What a great sundae! Nothing can spoil my day. - SCRATCH SCRATCH - OH NO! MONDAY IS COMING!
ga841112 -- GARFIELD! COME HERE! - "Garfield" this, "Garfield" tah. I'm sick of my name. - HEY, FLEABAG! COME HERE! Then again: "Garfield" does have a certain ring on it.
ga841113 -- OH NO! A FLEA! I'M GETTING YOU A FLEA COLLAR, GARFIELD. Let's not be too hasty here. - Look at those distinctive yellow and green markings there. - This flea is a member of a rare species of vegetarians.
ga841114 -- Well, there's your new flea collar, Garfield. - Wait a minute, there's a disclaimer on this box. "Warning: while this collar will repel fleas..." - "It has been known to attract sharks."
ga841115 -- DON'T TAKE THAT FLEA COLLAR OFF, GARFIELD! Who needs it? - -
ga841116 -- You have a pretty grim flea problem there, Odie. - That's not a very strong flea collar. -
ga841117 -- Did I ever tell you about my crazy uncle Berle? He thought he was a dog. - The poor guy was always exhausted. - He kept chasing himself up trees.
ga841118 -- Can we talk? - I would like to speak to you about how wonderful cats are. - Unlike dogs, they always land on their feet. - They are more calm than dogs. ROWR! - Every movement is a deliberate statement of grace and beauty. - And when it comes
ga841118 -- to coordination, they are far superior to dogs. WHAP! - BARK ! BARK!
ga841119 -- Doc Boy! How's my favorite little brother? - Oh, things are pretty much the same here, wild parties, good times, the usual... - Uh, you say you're coming to visit? It's put up or shut up time.
ga841120 -- What am I going to do, Garfield? My brother is coming to visit from the farm. - He thinks I live life in the fast lane. "Life in the parking lot" is more like it. - I don't know where he got the idea. It was when you told him you were
ga841120 -- negotiating movie rights to your diary.
ga841121 -- There's my brother now. * DING DONG - Welcome to the big city, doc Boy! Let the good times roll! - Another soda pop? No, I think I'll have some more of that fun-filled popcorn. I'm going to like Doc Boy.
ga841122 -- I'm so embarrassed. Doc Boy comes all the way from the farm just to find out what a loser I am. The truth always hurts. - Hey, where are all those "good times" you promised me? What would you like to do? - Let's go to the airport and watch
ga841122 -- the airplanes land. Whatever you say, wild man! Jon just got off the hook.
ga841123 -- Oh, by the way, Doc Boy, I've fixed us up on a double date. HEY, GREAT! - What's a double date? That's when you and I go on a date together. - Gee, it seems like it would be more fun if some girls came along. There's no hope.
ga841124 -- DOC BOY! OUR DATES ARE HERE! - EEEEEEK! - Can we talk? Can we laugh?
ga841125 -- Z - SNORT! BLINK BLINK BLINK - Rats! It's 4 A.M. and I'm wide awake. - Fortunately, I know what to do. - CLICK - ARRRRRGH! - If I can't sleep, neither will anyone else.
ga841126 -- I wonder who that could be, Doc Boy. DING DONG . Dad! Mom! What are you doing here!? We missed you boys, okay? - A little paint, a few curtains, a woman's touch, this could be nice! My dad, the sentimental fool. My mom, the cliche.
ga841127 -- Your visit is such a surprise, mom. When's the last time you and dad went out? We haven't been off the farm since '53. I don't believe that. - Good heavens! What's this? That's an indoor toilet, dad. - WOO-HA! AIN'T SCIENCE SOMETHIN'? FLUSH
ga841127 -- NOW I believe it.
ga841128 -- - You awake, Jon? click OF COURSE NOT, DAD! IT'S 5 A.M.! WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP? - I GOTTA MILK SOMETHING! I'm leaving.
ga841129 -- You forgot this when you left home, Doc Boy. Thanks, mom, I haven't slept a wink without it. - Whatcha got there, Doc Boy? NOTHING! NOTHING! IT'S NOTHING! - Could it be a shred of your old blankie? Careful what you say about blankies,
ga841129 -- fella.
ga841130 -- Uh, mom...I wouldn't open that if I were you. - EEEK! - SOMETHING IN THERE MOVED! I'm sure it was just an optical illusion. GO ahead, tell her how the lunch meat has evolved into an intelligent life form.
ga841201 -- So long, son. We got a run. I miss my cows. Give them my best. - SEE YUH, DOC BOY! THANKS FOR DECORATING MY HOUSE, MOM! - Hello...undecorators? Jon is a man of good taste.
ga841202 -- - PILLOW FIGHT! WHAP! - You stay here. I'll be right back. - - AYIEEEEE - WHONGO! - What did you have in that pillow? I know this six-foot chicken.
ga841203 -- Garfield, I'm going to a cartoonists' convention, and the motel where I'm staying won't accept pets. - Sorry, Odie. You can't go. - Garfield, YOU are a pet. snap! Rats! I keep forgetting.
ga841204 -- I'm leaving for the cartoonists' convention now, Garfield. There's a week's worth of food for you. A week's worth, huh? - - It was more like 11 seconds' worth.
ga841205 -- I hope Jon comes back from that convention soon. - I hope I can survive this week on my own. - CLICK I hope this door isn't locked.
ga841206 -- What a tragic scenario..."Owner leaves for week...cat locks self out of house...cat starves in front porch". - Hey, wait a minute? I control my destiny! I don't have to starve on the front porch! - "Cat starves in bushes".
ga841207 -- As long as I'm locked out of the house, I guess I'll strike out in search of food. - Gee, this neighborhood doesn't look familiar to me. - Oh, no! Where am I?
ga841208 -- I gotta figure a way to meet some chicks. - You got a problem there, guy? - Striking manly poses doesn't seem to be doing it.
ga841209 -- * - * - Rats! There's an alley full of mean guys waiting to beat me up! - Maybe they won't hurt me if I look mean, too. - Hey! It's working! - - Someday, I'm going to learn precisely where that fine line is, and I'm never going to cross it
ga841209 -- again!
ga841210 -- Garfield! I'm back from the convention! Where are you, big guy? ...Garfield? - Oh, no! This is terrible! Garfield didn't get locked out or anything, did he, Odie? - Yup.
ga841211 -- Hello, Garfield. Do I know you? - Let me give you a hint...sit up straight, Don't talk with your mouth full. Wake up, sleepyhead. - MOM!
ga841212 -- It's great seeing you again, mom. Yes, it's been a while. - It seems like only yesterday. - This was your first bed. It HAS been a while.
ga841213 -- Mom, I don't recognize this place. I thought I was born in the kitchen of an Italian restaurant. It closed years ago, darling. - It's all gone! Where's the pasta? The people? The pasta? The excitement? The pasta? - You always did love to eat.
ga841213 -- Sniff...old habits are hard to break.
ga841214 -- Father, this is your grandson, Garfield. He will be staying with us for a while. - If you're going to stay here, boy, you're going to be a mouser like the rest of us. - So this is my grandson and you son, huh? Maybe they switched kittens in
ga841214 -- the maternity ward.
ga841215 -- If I have to be a mouser to stay here, grandpa, I'll do it! I have made a name for myself in the mousing game. - Then eat that mouse. ARRRGH!!! Please! Please don't make me eat it! - I'd rather swallow my pride than that mouse.
ga841216 -- RRRRR Okay, okay. Let's get something to eat. - - No cats allowed! - - - - I've been human for 10 minutes now, but I haven't forgotten my roots.
ga841217 -- Gee, I miss having Garfield around. I even miss the abuse. - RRR! - Thanks, Odie, but it just isn't the same.
ga841218 -- I'd love to catch your mice, grandpa, But I haven't seen any worthy of my time, got anything bigger? Bring on the training mouse! - - Me and my big mouth.
ga841219 -- I'm sorry I can't stay, mom. It's for the best, dear. You'd better hurry home. It's almost Christmas. - Christmas! I almost forgot! - I also forgot I'm lost.
ga841220 -- Well, this is just great. I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm tired... - It's snowing to beat the band, and I haven't the foggiest idea where I am. - While everyone else is having a white Christmas, I'm going to have a white lost.
ga841221 -- I'm cold, I'm hungry and I'm tired. - They say, in cases like this, you should fight sleep. - I say, why fight an old friend?
ga841222 -- Garfield! Wake up! You're near home! - Huh? Mom? Wha...?! - Wow...it never looked better.
ga841223 -- - This is going to be one sad Christmas without Garfield. - SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH - - BLAT! - GARFIELD! SPEAK TO ME! ARE YOU OKAY?! - Actually, yes. I just thought it would be more dramatic this way.
ga841224 -- I missed you so much, Garfield! This is going to be the best Christmas ever, because you're here. Jon? - You never realize how much you love someone until they go away. tap tap tap Jon? Jon? Jon? - What is it, Garfield? Read my lips. I'm
ga841224 -- hungry!
ga841225 -- MERRY CHRISTMAS, BOYS. - There's nothing like having the whole family together at Christmas, right? -
ga841226 -- Hey, Garfield, a late Christmas package arrived for you from my mom. OH NO! - Why, it's your annual Christmas sweater! I'll bet you thought she forgot. There was always the hope. - You should send her a "thank you" now. I'll get a letter bomb
ga841226 -- out immediately.
ga841227 -- I'll give you 10 zillion dollars for that cup of coffee. - There you go again! Every, I say, EVERY MORNING you steal my coffee. GUSH - Aw, isn't that sweet? Our little ritual.
ga841228 -- Why is it my coffee cups keep disappearing? - - AHA! I must have a word with the maid.
ga841229 -- When you own pets, you get hardened to the fact they will be around your food. - Lose something, Garfield? Nope, here's my stripe. -
ga841230 -- It's that time of year again. - This year I resolve to lose weight, exercise more and sleep less. - - Then what are you going to do after you've accomplished all that? - I suppose you're going to be nice to Odie and kowtow to Jon and lick the
ga841230 -- mailman's boots! - I DON'T LIKE YOU ALREADY. - Once again I've survived a new year with my vices intact.
ga841231 -- Hey, Garfield, get up. A new year is almost upon us! Great! Wake me next year. - Come on. I'm having a party tonight and I want you to be there. If you insist.
ga850101 -- That was some new year's celebration last night, wasn't it, Garfield? Did anyone get the license number of the party that hit me? - Are you going to get up today? No way! I got up yesterday and look what happened to me! - Not feeling well,
ga850101 -- huh? It would take two of me to feel worse.
ga850102 -- I don't mind grocery shopping. - And I don't mind carrying them home. - This is the part I dread.
ga850103 -- As long as you're in the way, why don't you find a place to put these groceries. - GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - I wanted you to put them in the pantry! Urp...that can be arranged.
ga850104 -- Okay, guys, I have a new house rule. - From now on no pets are allowed on the furniture. - Harf! Harf! Harf! Wah! Ha! Ha! I don't get no respect.
ga850105 -- - One thing I love about Odie... - He's so pushoffable.
ga850106 -- I'm bored. - I'm bored, bored, bored. - Wait a minute! I control my own destiny! I'll create an exclusive country club resort. - First, I'll put some sandbox sand in the sunbeam. - Replete with the usual resort accouterments. - Hey, what a
ga850106 -- great idea! - I wonder how he got by the membership committee.
ga850107 --  Well, the holidays are finally over and the ol' waistline has explored new vistas. pat pat - It is time to declare another NATIONAL FAT WEEK. We shall tell skinny jokes and revel in our fat. - I'm talking about you, chubby.
ga850108 -- We fat people get a lot more out of life. We eat big. We drink big, we laugh big. - HAR! HAR! HAR! - Are you okay, Garfield? You wouldn't understand, skinny person.
ga850109 -- Being skinny isn't always a bed of roses. - It must be tough wearing suspenders to hold your socks up. - I knew a guy who was so skinny, he had to step on the scales twice to weight himself!
ga850110 -- I think skinny people are funny... - Their pants keep falling down. thump thump thump - I knew a kid who was so skinny, all he could wear was a hat!
ga850111 -- Don't eat that pie! It's fattening! Eat it! - You'll regret it tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes! - FLIP I'd be thinner if my conscience were quicker-witted.
ga850112 -- Fat people are healthier than skinny people in many ways... - For instance, no fat person has ever been diagnosed as having vatorphobia. - That, of course, is the fear of starving to death in a stuck elevator.
ga850113 -- This is my lucky day. - - Wha...? SCRIIICK POOF! - It grew back! - I've discovered the bottomless pan of lasagna! - BLIP - I knew it! I knew it! I knew it was too good to be true!
ga850114 -- - SLUP! - THAT WAS MY LAST CUP OF COFFEE! I spilled some. You can suck it out of my sweater.
ga850115 -- What are you watching, Garfield? I don't know. - Who's the lead character? I don't know. - What's the plot? Hey! I'm watching television! Stop making me think, okay?
ga850116 -- SLURP GULP BURP SMACK ERP - OH YUK! How disgusting! There's a people hair in my cat food!
ga850117 -- One of my pet peeves is people who never finish what they start. - I do not happen to be one of those people. - My philosophy is, "never start anything."
ga850118 -- BLAT! Oops! - Clean that up, Garfield. Patience, my friend. - There are people to do those things. ZIP!
ga850119 -- OOOOO - BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! - I'll bite. What is it? A dummy detector.
ga850120 -- - tappity tappity tappity -  tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - - BONK! - PANT PANT plunk - CLAP CLAP CLAP Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
ga850121 -- zip! - Hey! Give my napkin back! - Smile when you speak to Sumo Cat, fella.
ga850122 -- Sumo Cat has studied Sumo wrestling for years. - Sumo Cat has mastered the most dreaded tricks of his trade. - SNAP!
ga850123 -- Sumo Cat assumes the classic Sumo wrestling position. - There is only one tiny drawback to this position... - Severe cramping!
ga850124 -- Karate Cat demonstrates his art on a table leg. - HIIYAH! SNAP! - Karate Cat also demonstrates incredible lack of foresight.
ga850125 -- Most practitioners of Karate are impervious to pain. - HIIYAH! SMACK! - I happen to be of the previous to pain persuasion.
ga850126 -- For your pleasure, I, Judo Cat, will lay a basic move on this hapless bystander. - SMACK! - Leave it up to a dumb dog's rubber tongue to make a mockery of the martial arts.
ga850127 -- - Fetch the apple, Odie. - - I send Odie to fetch an apple, and he brings back an apple pie. I think I'm onto something here. - Fetch the T-bone, Odie, my boy. -
ga850128 -- Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the cutest cat of all? - Hi there. - Don't answer that.
ga850129 -- Do you know what I hate about you, Nermal? You're so one dimensional. - Oh yeah? And what dimension is that? - YOUTH!
ga850130 -- Nermal, you're cute, but you're not very bright. Doesn't that bother you? - Oh no. - I figure I'll grow out of this cute stage sooner or later. I rest my case.
ga850131 -- Nermal, would you rather have your good looks or my intellect? - My good looks. - I have years and years to get your intellect. That hurt.
ga850201 -- Nermal, would you like to be like me when you grow up? - Gosh yes! I'd like to be like you when I grow up. - And up, and up, and out, and out, and up. That boy may not see his next birthday.
ga850202 -- I gotta go, Garfield. I'm posing for a cat calendar. - How does one pose for a calendar? One moment. - That's very good. Cute is my life.
ga850203 -- Hey, Odie! Look at this! - It's snowing! Let's go out and catch snowflakes on our tongues! - - Here comes a world record! - - Ooo, that's a very impressive collection. - Surprise boys! I fixed a feast for you! No thanks. We just ate. Urp.
ga850204 -- SPLUT! - OH NO! - Yup...it's splut week.
ga850205 -- - - SPLUT!
ga850206 -- ssssssss - sssssssss - sssSSSSPLUT!
ga850207 -- Good evening, ladies and germs! - SPLUT! SPLUT! SPLUT! - Thank you for that generous round of spluts!
ga850208 -- SPLUT! - Hey, wait a minute! Shoes don't go "splut"! - SPLUT! That's more like it.
ga850209 -- I'm tired of getting hit with pies all the time. - I'm going to find whoever is doing it, and I'm going to bite him. flick - SPLUT! SPLUT!
ga850210 -- - Good morning, Garfield. Hi there. - - - WHA?! - You're everywhere at once! How do you do that? Magic. - AMAZING! Thanks, guys.
ga850211 -- Can't you close your mouth to eat? You're hard to look at. - You mean, this bothers you? Yuk! - I see no humor in that, Garfield. Then why am I chortling?
ga850212 -- A house becomes a home once it's well established with cat hair. - Oh no! This is not a cat hair! It's a whisker! - I'm going bald!
ga850213 -- You're shedding again. What am I supposed to do with all this cat hair? Knit the world's largest hairball. - Trade it with your friends, start a mustache factory. - This is going nowhere. Insulate your house! Filter your coffee!
ga850214 -- Did you know there are three kinds of cat hair? There's the common, way to clean kind... - There's the kind that disappears into the carpet, never to be seen again. And then there's my favorite... - There's the kind that hangs in the air
ga850214 -- forever. LAND! DARN IT! LAND!
ga850215 -- Well, I've swept under the furniture, vacuumed my chair and shaken the rugs. I'm finally rid of all your cat hair. - - Fortunately, I keep an emergency supply in the back of my bed.
ga850216 -- You boys sure shed a lot. - Wha?! SHOOP! - The cat hair refuses to associate with the dog hair. sniff..
ga850217 -- DINNER TIME, GARFIELD! - I ran out of canned cat food. I'm sure you know what to do with this dried stuff. - I certainly do.  - - WHOAAA! - Enjoying your cat food, Garfield? We must have it more often.
ga850218 -- WHIRRR! - FWUMP! WHAT WAS THAT?! - Hi, Squeak! Get me out of here!
ga850219 -- How are you, Squeak? How would you feel if you got sucked up in a vacuum cleaner? - How humiliating! Me, a mouse, sucked up like a common piece of dirt. That's just my luck! What are the chances of that ever happening? - whirrrr SHOOP!
ga850219 -- Getting better all the time, I'd say.
ga850220 -- Hey, Garfield, I'm missing a slipper, two spools of thread and a button... - You don't know where they are, would you? I think I do... - May I have a word with you, Squeak? Vroom! Vroom!
ga850221 -- Why are people afraid of mice? Bad press, I guess. - Maybe it's because mice carried the black plague in 1348. I don't know what you're talking about. - As I recall, half of Europe died. - Picky, picky, picky.
ga850222 -- Would you look at that mousetrap?! Barbaric, isn't it. - You said it! A nice camembert or creamy brie would be worth going in after. - BUT THAT PROCESSED AMERICAN CHEESE IS AN INSULT TO MY PALATE! Precisely what I was saying.
ga850223 -- You're lazy, Garfield. Lazy, do you hear me? If you had any ambition, you could be anything you want. - Like the world's greatest mouser? - Lazy, I admire that in a cat.
ga850224 -- - Hmmm - click click - Okay, your move. - - GARFIELD! - How many times have I told you not to play with your food?
ga850225 -- Hey, Garfield, what say we have potatoes for dinner? - Gee, it's been a long time since I fixed potatoes. - Tell me about it.
ga850226 -- Trivia time, Garfield! - What's the only substance on earth harder than a diamond? - Your leftover pizza.
ga850227 -- I have just taken an inventory of your refrigerator. - !89 bottles of salad dressing with 1" in the bottom of each. 14 half empty bottles of catsup, 39 open cans of flat soda pop and 62 bread wrappers with the heels. - ORGANIZE YOURSELF!
ga850227 -- SMACK!
ga850228 -- EEEEK! - Clean your refrigerator out, Jon! The mystery meat crawled out of the tinfoil and snapped at me!
ga850301 -- knock knock Who's there? - Uhhh...candy gram? You can't fool me, mystery meat. You want out to wreak havoc. - Today the refrigerator, tomorrow the world!
ga850302 -- - I wonder if I should clean the refrigerator. - The bacon is gazing on the lettuce and he asks if the refrigerator needs cleaning.
ga850303 -- OH NO! - GARFIELD! YOU'RE SITTING IN MY SCRAMBLED EGGS! They're warm. - Okay, okay, here...enjoy. - NO, go ahead and sit in them, they're ruined now. RUINED? - JUST BECAUSE I STAY IN 'EM, IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR STUPID SCRAMBLED EGGS ARE DISEASED,
ga850303 -- YOU KNOW! - UNNNGH! EAT 'EM! EAT 'EM! - HUBERT! THE CAT'S FEEDING JON! Pack your bags, Reba! We're moving for sure this time!
ga850304 -- It's time for your checkup, Garfield. I'll get checked-up while the lady vet gets checked out. - We gotta make sure you're in good condition. Right. - The only condition he's worried about is his glandular condition.
ga850305 -- Good morning, Mr. Arbuckle. - How did you know it was me? I wasn't even in the door yet! you have a distinctive cologne. - Oh, you mean my ''Ode De Lumberjack"? Bingo.
ga850306 -- How about a date, doc? Oh, let's not and say we did. - That's better than nothing, I guess. - Can we say I kissed you good night? If we can say I slapped you.
ga850307 -- Let's be honest with one another, Liz. - I'm a man. You're a woman. Get the picture? - That's the door. Get the picture? You'll have to draw it for him, doc.
ga850308 -- Do you think these shaders make me more mysterious? YOU don't need them. - Hey, good-lookin', what time do you get off work? - You just propositioned my coat rack. He might get lucky this time.
ga850309 -- In case you're thinking about asking me out, doc, forget it. I have plans. - I'm seeing this girl, ho is real cute and real clever and we laugh a lot. Do tell... - My, my, my! Do I detect a note of jealousy in your voice? I walked into that
ga850309 -- one?
ga850310 -- Sigh. - Garfield, you are worthless. Do you know that? - You are doing zero with your life...zip. Do you know that? poke poke - You should learn something new each day. It would lend purpose to this dreary existence of yours. - I'm going to
ga850310 -- the store. When I come back, I want you to have learned something. - I'm home, Garfield. Did you learn anything? - I learned how to use your credit card.
ga850311 -- Ah ah ahhhh! Don't touch that dial. We'll be right back. - -
ga850312 -- Our cat food is new and improved! - New and improved! New and improved! - Just think...all this time I've been eating old and inferior.
ga850313 -- Rats! Where's the Binky The Clown Show?! click click click - This remote control must be malfunctioning. click click click - NOW it works.
ga850314 -- NO NO! DON'T CHANGE THE CHANNEL! WE NEED THE RATINGS! - PLEEEEEASE! CLICK! Arrrgh! - Choice is a powerful thing.
ga850315 -- - CLICK - Whatever Jon paid for this TV remote control, it was worth it!
ga850316 -- These game shows are disgusting. - It's pathetic how some people will humiliate themselves to win money. - Jon does it for free. *
ga850317 -- - That's a pretty impressive display of shedding there, Odie. - But there isn't a dog born who can outshed a cat. - - Take that! - - I WON! I WON!
ga850318 -- SURF'S UP! SURF'S UP! - Garfield the Surfer King hangs three. - You're acting strangely lately, Garfield. You live in your world, I'll live in mine.
ga850319 -- Garfield, the vet says you are going to have to stay inside. There's a rare strain of Hawaiian cat flu going around. - - Too late, doc.
ga850320 -- Garfield, the vet says the Hawaiian cat flu will give you a voracious appetite and make you listless and cranky. - - I guess we'll never know if you're sick or not! I saw that one coming.
ga850321 -- Garfield, you have the Hawaiian cat flu. You're going to have to lie around all week. Oh, darn. - And you must stay inside. WHAT?! - For the first time in my life, I gotta get out!
ga850322 -- Garfield, I know you are suffering from the Hawaiian cat flu, but you look ridiculous doing that hula dance. - Watch my hands carefully, Jon. - Every movement has a meaning! BONK!
ga850323 -- You look much better this morning. You must be over the Hawaiian cat flu. I doubt that I ever had it. - What would you like for breakfast? Just some juice and a Danish. - And a roast pig! And six pineapples! And a pound of Macadamia nuts!
ga850324 -- Hey, hey. - Smile big, boys. I'm going to take your picture. - Move back a little farther. - Just a little farther. - SHOOP! - Uh-oh. - There appears to be a camera shoved up your nose. Nas wha I min nrying noo nell you!
ga850325 -- Mondays, I hate mondays. It seems like I just get done with one and along comes another one! - - Did you know you're cute when you're angry?
ga850326 -- - All right! A new world record! - Six chins.
ga850327 -- HOLY GOOD GRAVY! - I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD A BELLYBUTTON! - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ga850328 -- Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? - CRACK! tinkle tinkle - Shards shards on the floor...
ga850329 -- SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH - tap tap tap - It's okay, Jon...I've subdued the chair. It's safe to sit in now.
ga850330 -- There's only one drawback to an assertive lifestyle. - CRASH! - Sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes the bear gets you.
ga850331 -- - Here, Garfield. Eat! CLOMP! - Just look at you! You're a fright! - I get up early and groom myself because this is our special time together! - And the only place you take me is for granted! - - Are you trying to tell me something,
ga850331 -- Garfield? I'm just showing you what happens when the magic goes out of our relationship.
ga850401 -- The mailman is going to rue the day he put on that silly uniform when he opens Jon's mailbox today. - Boy, is he going to be surprised. - Boy, am I stuck.
ga850402 -- Here I am, Garfield the cat, doomed to spend the rest of my days in this stupid mailbox. What a cruel twist of fate. - HEY, FATE! HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOU! - PLPLPL
ga850403 -- Leave it up to me to get stuck in this mailbox. So much for my ambush attempt on the mailman. - Here he comes now! -
ga850404 -- * - Thanks, Garfield. - I can see the headlines now. "Cat stuck in mailbox somehow manages to severely injure local man."
ga850405 -- I gotta get out of this mailbox. My deodorant is starting to give out. - RATTLE RATTLE - The story of my life.
ga850406 -- - UNNNGH! -
ga850407 -- We'll be right back after this word from our sponsor. - Quick, Garfield! During the commercial let's get some popcorn! - I'll take care of the butter, bowls and napkins. You take care of the popcorn! - I got MY stuff, are you taking care of
ga850407 -- the popcorn?! Yup! - Welcome back. WE MADE IT! - - Where's the popcorn? (burp) I took care of it.
ga850408 -- - - I've been awake one second and my day is ruined.
ga850409 -- * - rrrrrrr - Oh, listen, Jon! They're playing our song! SHOOMP!
ga850410 -- Garfield, you eat like a pig. You should chew your food 25 times before swallowing. - Right. I'll give it a shot...just one thing... - What's chew?
ga850411 -- It's fun to find familiar shades in the clouds. - There's an old standard. - A dog cloud chasing a a cat cloud up a tree cloud.
ga850412 -- Good morning, morning. - What a great day to be alive. - I'd even go so far as to say it's a great day to be awake.
ga850413 -- Hey, Garfield. Hey, Odie. I have a little piece of leftover steak. Who - SHOOM! - wants it?
ga850414 -- Z - Z clickety clickety clickety. - CLICKETY CLICKETY CLICKETY - CLICKETY CLICKETY CLACK CLACK - I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE! CLICKETY CLACK CLACK - You've never done the Flamenco the get me up before. - The castanets were a nice touch. That's
ga850414 -- because I care.
ga850415 -- Garfield, I'd like you to meet my new goldfish. - What shall we name it? - "Sushi" comes to mind.
ga850416 -- - - Don't even think about it.
ga850417 -- A lot of people don't like fish. You can't hug them. You can't take them for a walk on a leash. - They have no sense of humor and all they do is eat and sleep. - Wait a minute! I just described me!
ga850418 -- Come here, you. - PLOOP - What are you doing with my goldfish, Garfield? Would you believe I was trying to kiss it good night?
ga850419 -- OH NO! - DON'T LOCK ME UP! I'LL BE GOOD! I SWEAR! - Oh.
ga850420 -- I've decided to let you live, little fella. - Oh sure, you're probably thinking way down deep I'm a mister nice guy... - Well, set one fin out that cage and you're history.
ga850421 -- I'm leaving for a few minutes, Garfield. You be good, hear? - SLAM! - Good! Jon's gone! Now I can do all the fun stuff he won't let me do! - I can run in the house. - I can eat the ferns and swallow without chewing. - I can jump on the bed. -
ga850421 -- GARFIELD, I'M HOME! - Thank goodness you're home! I almost funned myself to death!
ga850422 -- I think I'll get today started off on the right foot. pat pat - PUNT! . My heart says "yes", but, my right foot said, "no".
ga850423 -- Hey, Garfield! Come and get it! Come and get "it", he says. - Just what is an "it"? Is "it" a hamburger? Is "it" cat food? - Nope, "it" is just an "it".
ga850424 -- ODIE! DON'T CHASE CARS! YOU COULD GET CLOBBERED! YIP! YIP! YIP! - Clobbered? - Hey, Odie! Here comes a Buick that said unkind things about your mother!
ga850425 -- I have a date with Mary Lou tonight and I'm going to charm her out of her socks. - I'm going to play it real cool. I'm going to quote poetry and be real suave. - She'll be putty in my hands. You tie is in your coffee.
ga850426 -- Surprise, Garfield! I made you some weenie gelatin! - gobble slurp smack gulp - Well, what do you think? My mouth liked it, but my stomach is still making up its mind.
ga850427 -- Get off the curtains, Garfield. Why? - Get off the curtains or I'll have you declawed. - You just can't argue with logic.
ga850428 -- It's time to get up. - It's time to gorge myself. - It's time to kick the dog. PUNT! - It's time for a nap ion front of the television. - It's time to eat my afternoon fern. - It's time for my 14-hour beauty rest. I'm a creature of
ga850428 -- habit...all the bad ones.
ga850429 -- Hey, Judy! How are you, cuz? Yeah, we'll be home. Come on over. - Sure, bring the kids, too. - Garfield? Tierra del Fuego
ga850430 -- My cousin Judy is coming to visit and she's bringing her children. - So put everything you value out of reach. -
ga850501 -- Hi, Judy! How are you, cousin? - And this must be Tammy. YOOOOOO! IT STINKS HERE! IT SMELLS LIKE A CAT! - Sniff, sniff, yoooo! Where's that kid smell coming from?
ga850502 -- Garfield, this is my cousin Judy and her children, Tammy and Stevie. - BALL! BALL! - Oh, listen! Stevie's first words! And his last.
ga850503 -- Do you know why I don't like kids? - I'll give you three guesses. - And the first two don't count.
ga850504 -- Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. - THERE HE IS! - I'm sure your mother has told you not to play with sharp objects.
ga850505 -- z z z - Yup! - I'm glad I'm not a bird. - All they ever do is eat worms and sit in the birdbath. - They never have any fun. - -
ga850506 -- Lucky me. Jon's cousin Judy comes to visit and she brings her two yard apes, Tammy and Stevie. - They're basically good kids, I guess. - For werewolves.
ga850507 -- I like to hang around babies at mealtime. They drop all kinds of good food. - - Sometimes they need encouragement.
ga850508 -- Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! - I'm hungry! I'm hungry! I'm hungry! I'm hungry! - I have some friends who can see to it she's never heard from again.
ga850509 -- Hello, what's this? - - Ready for lunch, Garfield? - Oh, no, thank you. I just had my first encounter with a diaper bag.
ga850510 -- Okay, Tammy, stop jumping on the bed. - - MOMMEEEEE!
ga850511 -- It was nice seeing you again, Judy. We must do this again! - Yeah, let's have lunch... - About ten thousand years from now!
ga850512 -- Dinnertime, Garfield! - MUNCH! SMACK! GOBBLE! SLURP! - GULP! CRUNCH! CHOMP! GOBBLE! SLURP! - UUUNGH! - HA-HAAA! - I'm so proud of Jon. I've taught him everything he knows about gluttony. RRRR
ga850513 -- - Rats! I always run out of milk before I run out of cookie!
ga850514 -- - BOING! - You should warn me when you put in the screen door!
ga850515 -- We cats are special. We are built to sense things about humans even they don't know. - - Your feet stink.
ga850516 -- - That's a pretty funky dance, Garfield. Show me how you do it. - First, find a bur in your sandbox.
ga850517 -- We're going to the vet, Garfield. I wonder what she'll remove this time. - Any last words? My uncle Patrick's famous quote comes to mind. - "I regret that I have but nine lives to give to my country".
ga850518 -- I love this time of year. There's the first bluebird. - There's the first daisy. - DONK - There's the first rake in the face.
ga850519 -- Come here, Garfield. I have something to tell you. - I'm going to organize my sock drawer today. This is a red-letter day! - I'm going to put the black ones on one end and the white ones on the other. Decisions! Decisions! Decisions! - And do
ga850519 -- you know what I might do after that? Oh no! Spare me! Spare me! - I might tighten the hinges on my reading glasses. ARRRGH! - OH WHEN WILL THIS MAD, CRAZY, MERRY-GO-ROUND EXISTENCE EVER END? - Or I might give a certain wise guy cat a bath.
ga850519 -- I'll tuck, you sort.
ga850520 -- Mornin', hon. Mornin', Irma. - Say when. - When. These people need help.
ga850521 -- HEY! WHERE'S THE WAITRESS IN THIS CRUMMY DIVE?! THE SERVICE HERE STINKS! WHO'S THE MANAGER HERE ANYWAY?! You are. - SMACK! Forgot. I'm going home. smack!
ga850522 -- TWO EGGS SCRAMBLED, PIGS IN BLANKET, AND GIVE IT WINGS! - ZIP! - Two eggsa scrambled! Pigs in a blanket! Pronto! This is a small operation. We should kill it before it spreads.
ga850523 -- Do you know what I like about your place, Irma? You're open 24 hours. - - I'm giving serious consideration to taking on an assistant.
ga850524 -- I don't see how you do it, Irma. - How do you keep this place open 24 hours with no help? - Z Now I see how she does it. Sheer willpower.
ga850525 -- Here's your egg, hon. Whatever you do, try not to think about where it came from. - - Have an egg, Garfield. Too late. I already thought about it.
ga850526 -- Boy, am I starved. - Here y'are, hon. Thanks, Irma. - - Uh, Irma. - Don't mind me, hon. - I think I lost a false eyelash in here somewhere. - Sardi's this ain't.
ga850527 -- I think I'll exercise. - I'd better start slowly. - Today I shall attempt to register a pulse.
ga850528 -- KABONG! KABONG! KABONG! KABONG! Garfield, get out of here! - And take your pogo stick with you!
ga850529 -- Let's talk about the responsibilities an owner assumes when he obtains a cat. The first responsibility is to feed that cat. - LATER! - I guess we'll wait to discuss the second responsibility when we're in a little better mood.
ga850530 -- Hey, Garfield, here's an article about a guy who thought he could fly by wearing a cape and jumping off a building. - They scraped him off Fifth Avenue with a putty knife. I guess he learned his lesson. - Yeah, he didn't believe.
ga850531 -- Good morning, Job. Hmmph - SMACK! BLUT! - I'm feeling good about today so don't burst my bubble, okay?
ga850601 -- Oh goody! Jon's home! - - When Mr. Excitement steps into the room, you can cut the apathy with a knife.
ga850602 -- Hmmm - All cats are innately curious. I was just wondering where rainwater goes. - WHOA! - - Gasp! - So this is where rainwater goes! Interesting! - So this is where dishwater goes! Fascinating. So this is where bathwater goes! That's the
ga850602 -- last time I drink out of the toilet.
ga850603 -- Good morning, Garfield. Mmmph. - What was that? Mmmph. - I can't understand you. I ate all the ice cream and my mouth went numb, okay?
ga850604 -- Sniff - Remember, as you walk down the path of life... - Stop and eat the flowers along the way.
ga850605 -- What's the difference between flowers and weeds? - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - Weeds have a greater will to live.
ga850606 -- - Hey, Jon! - When was the last time you swept under the bed?
ga850607 -- Surprise, Garfield! - I picked up lunch at grease world! - Junk food is the staff of life.
ga850608 -- - kiss - Pets always sense when you're going to the grocery. Buy me a steak.
ga850609 -- - Look at Jon's socks, they are all perfectly tucked and organized. - Okay, socks, line up! Count off! - FORWARD HARCH! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOURP! - Stay away from my sock drawer, Garfield. You make me nervous. - - As you were.
ga850610 -- - - Clear your head, Jon. There has to be a logical explanation for this, other than the teddy bear isn't housebroken.
ga850611 -- Pick up your stuff, Garfield. STUFF?! Pooky isn't STUFF! He's a real, live, feeling, breathing... - Uh...inanimate object.
ga850612 -- That sun is pretty strong today, Pooky. A guy could burn if he's not careful. - -
ga850613 -- Do you know why I love Pooky? - It is said we were given two ears and only one mouth so that we can tell only half of what we hear... - Pooky has two ears and no mouth.
ga850614 -- So, this is the bedtime story you want to hear, huh? - "Bangor the Enforcer screamed, 'The world is ours!' at that very moment teddy bears everywhere crawled out of their toy chests and armed themselves". - This is a side of teddy bears I'd
ga850614 -- as soon not know.
ga850615 -- And then about April of '81 or was it '82, my voice changed and I started singing the baritone part. - Gee, Pooky. I'm tired of talking about me... - YOU talk about me for a while.
ga850616 -- Persons At Work - How fortuitous, someone was kind enough to dig this hole for me. - I'll cover it with these branches and play a little trick on Odie. - Hey, Odie, have a bone. - BOING! - Something's not right here. - OH NO! IT'S THE OLD
ga850616 -- RUBBER HOLE GAG!
ga850617 -- This sun is enough to bake your brains. - - That, of course, doesn't affect Odie.
ga850618 -- It must be a zillion degrees out there, Garfield. - Let's turn on the radio and find out what the temperature is. - You mean this radio?
ga850619 -- - SURPRISE! - Happy birthday, Garfield! I had a feeling this was coming.
ga850620 -- Observe, beating the heat is simply a matter of mind over body. - I'm cold. I'm cold. I'm cold. - Unfortunately, my body has a mind of its own.
ga850621 -- - -
ga850622 -- Have some lemonade, Garfield. - GUSH! - Refreshed? Yo.
ga850623 -- Sleeping, we do more of it than anything else in life, and know very little about it. - Welcome to the "Wonderful World Of 'Sleep". Today we will examine fascinating sleeping positions. - Z Jon here is demonstrating the classic fetal
ga850623 -- position. - Odie is in your basic armchair poily position. Z - When you sleep as much as I do, you crave variety in your attitudes of repose. - For your edification, I shall now attempt the world's most bizarre sleeping position! - Z oooo
ga850624 -- Hey, all you turkeys! You have to go to work and I don't! - - Spare time would be more fun if I had less to spare.
ga850625 -- I love lying on the sill watching the rain. - KA-BOOM! - I love lying under the bed listening to the rain.
ga850626 -- - -
ga850627 -- What do you suppose the chances are of me leaping from this sill and having the window slam shut on my tail? - SLAM! - Do I know me or what?
ga850628 -- Most cats would be angry hanging by the tail from a window. - But not me. - I'M FURIOUS!
ga850629 -- Let me get you out of the window, Garfield. - There you go. BONK! - I don't know whether to thank Jon, or kill him.
ga850630 -- Shoo-doop boowa, shoo-doop boowa. - Well I was workin' last night on my piston head, when my best friend told me my girl was dead. - Well, I'll sure, I'll sure, I'll sure - I'll sure, I'll sure, I'll sure, I'll sure, I'll sure, I'll sure -
ga850630 -- KA-CHUNK I'll sure - miss herrrrr.
ga850701 -- This tree is tempting me to climb it, but I'm standing my ground this time. - YOU WHAT?! - I can't resist a double dare.
ga850702 -- I'll get out of this tree sooner or later. Cats always do. - No cat has ever lived his whole life up a tree. - I have. You stay out of this.
ga850703 -- What's your name? Ed. - Now let me get this straight, Ed. You say you've never been on the ground? - What's ground? I see...
ga850704 -- Come clean, Ed. You can't tell me you've never been on the ground. That's impossible. - Maybe you're right. - Mom, have I ever been on the ground? What's ground?
ga850705 -- Garfield, I'd like you to meet my twin brother, Ted. - Ed! Ted is a squirrel! - No wonder mother always liked him best!
ga850706 -- This is just great. Here I am stuck up a tree with a cat who's been raised by squirrels. - SQUAWK! - Now what are you doing? Storing birds for the winter.
ga850707 -- Let's see, it's over and under, then through. - I'm taking you out to eat, Garfield. You'll have to wear this to get into the restaurant. - I'll have a steak and my ca...er...son will have a triple order of lasagna and a cup of cocoa. - This
ga850707 -- is an exclusive restaurant, Garfield. Use your silverware. GULP! SLURP! GULP! - That marshmallow is meant for your cocoa. - Heh, heh. Don't lick your paws at the table, son. - That's the rudest little kid I've ever seen! He even shed on the
ga850707 -- tablecloth.
ga850708 -- Can you imagine a cat being raised by squirrels? I gotta get Ed out of this tree before it's too late. - Too late for what? - Never mind.
ga850709 -- It's time we get out of this tree, Ed. How do we do that? - CRACK! - Funny you should ask.
ga850710 -- Welcome to your first step on earth, Ed! What do you think? - Wow! Wild! Weird! - What are you doing? I've never walked sideways sideways before.
ga850711 -- Well, Ed, what do you think of your first trip out of your tree? - Ed? - I think I have a fear of low places.
ga850712 -- Since you've been raised by squirrels, Ed, you have a lot to learn about being a cat. - What is that? That is a dog. Cats are afraid of dogs. - What? I have forgotten.
ga850713 -- I gotta go home, Garfield. What for? - I miss mother, the squirrel. You're weird, Ed. - You're lucky, too.
ga850714 -- - King Cattaeatalotta gives a peace offering to the volcano that claimed young princess Angora. - Up against the wall, you crumbums, or I'll give your backsides a taste of my daisy! - Make love, not dog pounds. - Here, my dear, perhaps this
ga850714 -- will will make up for leaving you alone to fend off the border guards. - AHEE AH-EE AH! - WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FLOWER BED?! Scuttlebutt at the precinct is that your daisies were vandalized by an overactive imagination.
ga850715 -- Ha, ha, ha! I love my new Monday suit. CLANK CLANK - Nothing can get me now. CLANK - CREAK Except possibly rust.
ga850716 -- Something is not right here. - WHAM! I knew it!!! - Today is Monday cleverly disguised as Tuesday.
ga850717 -- There's nothing more annoying than a leaky faucet. DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP Unless it's a leaky dog.
ga850718 -- DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP Come here, Odie. - DRIP DRIP DRIP Let me tighten your gasket.
ga850719 -- - - Get rid of the dog!
ga850720 -- Look at those cars out there, Garfield. What a fascinating assemblage. - All those people in their tiny steel universes, moving to the choreography of the traffic light. - What are your observations on the subject, Garfield? 17 blue ones have
ga850720 -- gone by 11 red ones.
ga850721 -- - Hey, Garfield! It's going to be a beautiful day! Let's spend it outside! - Where are my swim trunks? - There's suntan lotion in here somewhere. - And now a picnic lunch! - PERFECT DAY, HERE WE COME! - Rats. Missed it.
ga850722 -- Ladies and gentlemen, for your entertainment pleasure, I've added music to my act. - I am proud to introduce the man with the plan from the street with the beat. - Mr. Skins!
ga850723 -- I knew a dog who was o ugly, he had to... - TIDDY-BOOM! - Let's talk timing.
ga850724 -- But seriously though, folks, how am I doing so far? - SPLAT! - Et tu, rhythm section?
ga850725 -- I knew a dog who was so ugly, his fleas wore dog collars! - TIDDY-BOOM TIDDY-BOOM TIDDY-BOOM TIDDY-BOOM TIDDY-BOOM - Padding our part, are we?
ga850726 -- And now for the dog joke of the night. - Mr. Skins, may I have a drum roll please? -
ga850727 -- And now for a brief musical interlude with Mr. Skins. - NO! NO! NOT THAT ONE! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! - Not the "Lithuanian Rain Dance"
ga850728 -- Ooch! Eech! Ouch! - - Hot, hot, hot. It's hot out there. - It's too hot to move. It's too hot to think, It's just too hot. - - rrr ft - Garfield! Odie! - Stop fighting.
ga850729 -- Here you are, Garfield. I call it "Breakfast Surprise". - BLAT! - If I wanted a surprise, I'd eat in the dark.
ga850730 -- - - It's times like this I wish Odie could talk.
ga850731 -- Do you want something to eat, boys? BARK! BARK! - Do you? Huh? huh? YIP! YIP! BARK! - The word "dignity" is not in a dog's vocabulary.
ga850801 -- I am cat, hear me roar, I am too big to ignore. SNAP! - - Perhaps I should consider a career change.
ga850802 -- - - It's shorts weather.
ga850803 -- BARK! - Hey, Odie. Come back here. - Do that again. I can still hear a little out of this ear.
ga850804 -- Oh yuk! A spider! - Hold still, spider, while I squash you with this window. - SLAM! tinkle tinkle - PLOP! - CRASH! - KA-BOOM! - Rats! Missed it.
ga850805 -- Look what you did to that chair, Garfield, You're too fat. - I am not too fat. They just don't make chairs the way they used to. - They don't make doors the way they used to either.
ga850806 -- Garfield, you wouldn't be fat if your eyes weren't larger than your stomach. - - THAT'S JUST AN EXPRESSION!
ga850807 -- Garfield, I'm putting you on a diet. ARRRGH! - I know you hate diets. If you can think of a better way to lose weight, I'm willing to listen. - Amputate something!
ga850808 -- Ah, there is nothing more refreshing than a leaf of fresh lettuce for the wight conscious. - Thank you so much for the delightful diet, Jon. - Where are you going? - I'm going to die now.
ga850809 -- - There's an interesting bit of diet trivia. - A pie cut into tiny slices has fewer calories than an entire pie.
ga850810 -- - ZIP -
ga850811 -- Hey, Garfield! Come here quick! - Look, Garfield, the carnival has come to town! Let's go! Whoopty doo. - Do you know what I love most about a carnival? the intellectual stimulation? - I love the sideshow. Uh, Jon? - The fat woman! The rubber
ga850811 -- man! the dinosaur boy! JON! - Save your money.
ga850812 -- Before - - After
ga850813 -- - - How's the coffee? It's a little weak.
ga850814 -- Okay, Mr. Finicky Eater, here's your dinner. What is it? - It's Coquille Saint-Jacques garnished with Belgian endive and laced with French truffles. - AGAIN?!
ga850815 -- See what you think about my lemonade, Garfield. - - Needs sugar? Needs sugar.
ga850816 -- - -
ga850817 -- These new sodas are great. - They're sugar-free and caffeine-free. - And flavor-free.
ga850818 -- Garfield, where are you going? - GARFIELD! - Well, I hope you feel like a complete idiot. That is a hot dog truck, not a hot dog. I do feel sorta silly. - NOW WHAT?! - Now for dessert.
ga850819 -- Z - HEY! - When there's napping to do around here, I'LL do it.
ga850820 -- You're late for dinner, Garfield. - I assume you have a good excuse. - My morning nap raged out of control.
ga850821 -- Rats. - I hate it when this happens to me. - Daytime insomnia.
ga850822 -- - - I FELL ASLEEP ON MY TENNIS RACKET, OKAY?! Oh.
ga850823 -- There must be millions of ants down there. - I wonder how you tell the difference between boy ants and girl ants. - I guess they didn't have any trouble figuring it out.
ga850824 -- Hey, bug. You're ugly. - You're creepy. - You're history. SQUIK
ga850825 -- * - Eat me. - I can't eat you. You're Jon's favorite fern. What are fronds for? - I might get in trouble. Aw, come on. Take one little taste. You'll like me. - - MUNCH CHOMP MUNCH CHOMP - GARFIELD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Just trying to make
ga850825 -- everybody happy. Thank you.
ga850826 -- Gee, Jon's pancakes sure look good. - I'd love to take them from him, but I'm not that kind of guy. - But the Caped Avenger is!
ga850827 -- The Lone Ranger has Tonto, the Green Hornet has Kato, and Batman has Robin. The Caped Avenger needs a sidekick too. - - Then again, I may go this a capella.
ga850828 -- As the new sidekick of the Caped Avenger, you need a neat name. What shall I call you? - SLURP - Come along, "Slurp".
ga850829 -- Slurp, as the Caped Avenger's sidekick, you need a costume. - - You've missed the point.
ga850830 -- Okay, Slurp, go out and find a costume befitting the sidekick of the Caped Avenger. - - Rule number one: never dress better than the hero. slap slap slap
ga850831 -- Here comes my sidekick, Slurp. - CRASH! - Hey, Slurp, maybe you should cut some eyeholes in your mask.
ga850901 -- Z - Z - Rats! I'm hungry. I always wake up in the middle of the night hungry. Oh well, let's look around. - Hello, what's this? It feels like a big old loaf of pumpernickel. - YIP! Sorry about that, Odie. - All right! Olives! I love Olives! I
ga850902 -- like to suck the pimentos out first and then nibble on the green part till it's gone. - SHUP - I assume there's a logical explanation for this. CLICK I'm so embarrassed.
ga850903 -- Slurp, our mission in life is to seek out evil wherever it may lurk. - LOOK! - I'll bet there's some leftover evil in that refrigerator.
ga850904 -- Now that I have a sidekick, I can get into all sorts of trouble and he will protect me. - Hey, dog, your mother chases garbage trucks. SMACK - What do you mean, you resign your commission?
ga850905 -- The Caped Avenger sees a door that must be broken down. - Slurp, take that door out! - I love sidekicks. They do all the painful stuff.
ga850906 -- Come along, Slurp. Let's go fight for truth and justice. - Look! There's a big dog beating up on a little dog! That's unjust! There's only one thing to do. BONK! - We'll just fight for truth today.
ga850907 -- Oh no! My blanket's not here! How am I going to be the Caped Avenger today? - Maybe Jon's got something. - Somehow I don't think the "Paisley Avenger" is going to cut it.
ga850908 -- Pet Shop - Look at all those poor animals in there all caged up. This looks like a job for... - Freedom Fighter! - YOU'RE FREE! YOU'RE FREE! - GO FOR IT! - Hmmm, folks must not be heavily into freedom these days. - You're secure! You're
ga850908 -- secure! SLAM!
ga850909 -- Let's go to a movie tonight. Here's one about kids at a day-care center who save the world. It's been done. - How about "Ninja Grandmother"? You're getting warmer. - Here it is! "The Angry Mauve Planet" Sounds like a contemporary remake.
ga850910 -- Well, guys, there's one thing we need before we go into the movie. SNACKS! - I'd like the banana-flavored tooth busters, the flaming mouth things, the triple-buttered nut clusters and three pumpkin fizz sodas. - That will be $89.50 Uh, how
ga850910 -- about some popcorn? With the barbecue sauce.
ga850911 -- - I probably shouldn't ask this, but where did Odie get the bubble gum? - PLOP! Don't ask, and don't look under the seats.
ga850912 -- - - Cut that out.
ga850913 -- - Where are you going? The movie isn't over yet. - The movie is over when the popcorn is finished.
ga850914 -- Why did we waste our evening at that movie? - And why was the photography so bad? - And why did they hand me three pairs of 3-D glasses?
ga850915 -- GARFIELD! IT'S TRIPLE-COUPON DAY AT THE SUPERMARKET. WE GOTTA HURRY! - Here it is, triple-coupon day at the market. Shoppers are lined up and eagerly awaiting the opening of the store. - There's the green flag! - As the pack backs up behind
ga850915 -- the Butz Sisters, Thelda Balducci drops under the groove and passes inside. - Balducci blows a tire and is f-boned by old lady Crowe! - WE GOT THE SALES ITEM FIRST!!! - Do you have any coupon? I forgot it. Rats! Black flagged on the last lap.
ga850916 -- Check the mail for me, will you, Garfield? - POOMP! - Anything for me? Just this package that came airmail.
ga850917 -- So, back again, huh? I thought you learned your lesson last time. - THIS TIME YOU DIE! - rrr
ga850918 -- I have some bad news, Garfield. I ran out of your favorite cat food. I'll survive. - Odie chewed up your scratching post. Big deal. - And Frank left Marcia for Stephanie. HOW COULD HE?!
ga850919 -- There's a mouse in the house. What are you going to do about it? - Lighten up, Jon. How much can one little mouse eat? - Can we talk? Nngh!
ga850920 -- Well, guys, it's time for the late night fright movie. - Remember, Odie. It's your turn this week. - Tell us when we can look again.
ga850921 -- - plop - What's the matter, Garfield? You got two left feet? The truth hurts.
ga850922 -- - - - - KISS - -
ga850923 -- I hate walking through tall weeds. - I pick up bugs and stickers. - And little dogs with sharp teeth
ga850924 -- - rrr SNAP! - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
ga850925 -- * - Static electricity is a wonderful thing.
ga850926 -- Hey, Odie. - Do me a favor, will you. - Thanks.
ga850927 -- - GOOSH! - Just as I thought. It's just eyeballs and a bow.
ga850928 -- Hey, dog, how about some pepper to go with that tail. - WAH-CHOO! - Gesundheit.
ga850929 -- Ouch - SWISH SWISH - There's something about carrying a stick that gives one a feeling of authority. - Fiy my dinner! Get a haircut! Clean up that mess! poke - Get some exercise! Make your bed! Lose weight! - The bigger the stick, the greater
ga850929 -- the authority, huh? Well, two can play this game. - Nngh! Your mother, puff puff, look both ways before... - SQUASH - I should have delegated some of this authority.
ga850930 -- Ooo, look at that stick! That isn't just any stick. That's a lucky special stick. - Lucky special sticks run on imagination. - This is one toy batteries won't help.
ga851001 -- Hey, Odie, where's your lucky special stick? - - Everyone needs a luck special stick.
ga851002 -- - TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP Hey, Jon, my lucky special stick wants you to get up and fix my breakfast! - A loyal friend, the lucky special stick.
ga851003 -- Dogs can't hurt me as long as I carry my lucky special stick. - - Of course, sometimes I have to carry it pretty fast.
ga851004 -- You're not going to believe this. - - When was the last time you saw a stick retrieve a dog?
ga851005 -- Nothing can harm me as long as I have my lucky special stick - SNAP! - They don't make lucky special sticks like they used to.
ga851006 -- - I'm going to take a nap now, Nermal. If you so much as touch my food, I'll squash you flat, okay? - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - Who are you? Don't you remember? I'm Nermal, the kitten you tried to starve a few years ago. - I came back to replay old
ga851006 -- unkindness! WHAP! WHAP! POOF! - Here you go, little buddy. Enjoy, enjoy! - I must be dreaming.
ga851007 -- Garfield, you're sleeping your life away. - There's a whole world out there for the taking. - Great. Have it sent to my bed.
ga851008 -- - -
ga851009 -- Boy, am I bored. I'm so bored I have nothing better to do than lie here flat as a pancake. - A big fluffy pancake dripping with butter and maple syrup. - Boy, am I hungry.
ga851010 -- Jon, here's something I feel I should tell you, because you're going to find out anyway. - You know how much Odie drools. - I had to sandbag his tongue.
ga851011 -- - There are hugs and there are hugs. - But, there are no hugs like bear hugs.
ga851012 -- CLONK - I hate that when the coaster sticks to my glass then falls onto the table! - Garfield, cud I haff a wud wif you?
ga851013 -- - Garfield, you watch too much television. Probably. - You could be doing much better things with your time than staring at a TV set. That's for sure. - There's a whole world out there to experience. I imagine so. - Uh, you could be, ...uh,
ga851013 -- you could, uh. - Why would someone wear a Llama suit? Bests me. - What are we watching? Trivia Bingo.
ga851014 -- Surprise! I got you a canopy bed! Allright! - - I feel like a Sissy.
ga851015 -- YAWN - WHA?! - These canopy beds take some getting used to.
ga851016 -- - - Are you ashamed of your new bed, Garfield? What gives you that idea?
ga851017 -- Jon finally got me a bed with some class. - But it's just not me. I have my pride. - And pride, of course, is the middle class substitute for class.
ga851018 -- - CLICK - And just what are you doing? I had this incredible urge to take inventory.
ga851019 -- - - LIAR!
ga851020 -- It knows where I am. - I know it's here. I can feel its presence. - There's no escaping it. - Once it has you, you're a goner! - Run for it, Garfield! - Here it comes again! - YOU WON'T TAKE ME WITHOUT A FIGHT. - ARRRGH! - Another victim of a
ga851020 -- nap attack. Z
ga851021 -- Hello, I'm Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. Go away, Nermal. - I'm taking a beauty nap. - Beauty nap? That could take weeks! I hate him.
ga851022 -- - -
ga851023 -- - Now I wonder what Nermal could be up to. - THERE'S A SHARK IN MY WATER BOWL! Oh.
ga851024 -- Jump onto the pillow, Nermal! - BLAT! - You did that on purpose, did you? I do everything on purpose.
ga851025 -- You don't have to play with that pathetic little ball of yarn, Nermal, I'll get my personal ball of yarn for you. - How nice! - Maybe Garfield likes me after all!
ga851026 -- Answer me this... - Why is it when they say an adult has the "mind of a child," they lock him up? - While children are allowed to run free in the streets?
ga851027 -- - Well, well, well. Odie's sitting in front of the recliner. Let's have some fun, shall we? - Watch this. - - WHUMP! WHAP! - I hate to brag, but it took a brilliant mind to figure that gag out. - SMACK!
ga851028 -- - KLANG! - Okay! Okay! You didn't have to shout.
ga851029 -- Let me tell you about my Monday. Monday was going great. I thought it was going to be the first Monday of my life that didn't stink. - I got up in the middle of the night and ate some jawbreakers. - Then I woke up this morning and my marble
ga851029 -- collection was missing!
ga851030 -- Hey, Garfield! I just bought a Swiss army knife. It does about a million things! Sure! - I've seen those knives before. They're about as useless as... - FOOMP! That's a new one on me.
ga851031 -- Jon, I have decided my living area is a mite drab. - I have some plans to spiff it up a bit. - What? No servant's quarters? Why, of course, silly! Right over there behind the pool.
ga851101 -- Z Gee, I wish we could get better reception on the television. - - Z Better.
ga851102 -- Garfield, begging for food is not going to get you anything to eat. - Throwing a tantrum is not going to get you anything to eat. WAH! - Now you're getting somewhere.
ga851103 -- - Many of you have probably noticed you wake up in the morning a pound or two lighter then when you went to bed. - Now, just where does all that weight go? - I'm here to tell you that the atmosphere around us is filled with the fat of
ga851103 -- sleeping people! - Furthermore, there are senders and there are receivers. We fat people gain weight simply by inhaling. - Now, we sure as heck aren't going to stop breathing. - So why don't you skinny people do a fat person a favor...stop
ga851103 -- sleeping.
ga851104 -- BONK! OUCH! - WHANG! YOU STUPID APPLE TREE! - Tink! I must learn to curb this temper of mine.
ga851105 -- My mom writes the greatest letters, Garfield. Listen to this... - - Don't spoil it for me, Jon. I'm waiting for the movie to come out.
ga851106 -- Garfield, I know you're hiding out there somewhere. Come on. Let's go to the vet! - FUMP! - AHA! I hate autumn.
ga851107 -- GOOSH - You drink too much coffee, Garfield. Oh, yeah? Well, tell that to my nap. - Maybe Jon was right...
ga851108 -- Garfield, you make a lovely fire. I do make a lovely fire. - Well, I gotta get ready for my date. You enjoy your lovely fire. I'll enjoy my lovely fire. - HEY! WHERE ARE ALL My BOW TIES?! They make a lovely fire.
ga851109 -- Most cat owners reflect the grace, style and poise of their cats. - Most cat owners are informed, sensitive and intelligent. - Bozo, the wonder nerd here, doesn't know what century it is.
ga851110 -- Z - Z - BREAKFAST TIME, GARFIELD! - Ho, boy, I'm so tired my limbs feel like lead. It's going to be tough getting up this morning. - Come on, Garfield! You can do it! Unngh! You can do it, boy! - I MADE IT! I'M UP! - Rats! I was only dreaming
ga851110 -- I got up. - BREAKFAST TIME, GARFIELD! It had better be worth getting up twice for.
ga851111 -- Oh, very well, Garfield, you may have one bite of my spaghetti. - twirl twirl twirl - I don't give that cat enough credit.
ga851112 -- CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! THERE'S A BLACK HOLE DEAD AHEAD! - WE CAN'T TURN BACK! THE GRAVITATIONAL PULL IS TOO GREAT! ARRRRRRGH! - They just went where no man has gone before.
ga851113 -- Which do you want, Garfield? The lasagna or the bananas? - The bananas? - We're talking play value here.
ga851114 -- I found a food that even you won't be able to play with, Garfield, tomato soup. - SPLUT - As long as I live, I'll never understand cats. Cats? What are cats? We soda crackers know nothing of cats.
ga851115 -- Garfield, the world famous tomato soup diver, scours the murky depths in search of the elusive tomato guppy. - QUICK! GIMME THAT CAMERA! - For the first time in history the spawning habits of the tomato guppy are captured on film. CLICK
ga851116 -- Wealthy philanthropist, J. Worthington III was found face down in his tomato soup. - Was it natural causes? - GARFIELD! Or was it because he was about to write J. Worthington IV out of his will?
ga851117 -- Hey, Garfield, did you ever wonder why they always have commercials at the good parts? - I wonder if fish have taste buds. - I hate it when Jon fishes. His mouth starts wandering. - Where do the ripples in the water go? - If people had fur
ga851117 -- all over their bodies, would they have to wear clothes? - Why do light bulbs burn out? - Am I boring you, Garfield?
ga851118 -- Hello, I'm RX-2, your talking scale. If you step on me, I'll tell you your weight. - GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! - Whew! Thank you! Wise guy.
ga851119 -- How am I doing, RX-2? - You know those two pounds you lost last week? Yes. - They are back with reinforcements.
ga851120 -- - - You've gained weight, Garfield. I wonder how he knew me.
ga851121 -- How's my favorite talking scale? Are you ready to weigh me? - Uh...I'll tell you what. What? - What say we weigh one part at a time, and I'll give you a total. Very funny.
ga851122 -- - You weigh 175 pounds and you are 6 feet tall. - How do you know my height? I'm diversifying.
ga851123 -- Your weight is the same as yesterday, sir. Have a nice day. - Talking scales. What will they think of next? - What a lard ball. You're telling me?
ga851124 -- In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, honey. And people think cats do strange things. - I'm in the mood for love * - Well, Garfield, how do I look? - You don't like it, huh? - Maybe if I changed my tie and my pants and my... - Now what do you think? - Great!
ga851125 -- I'll see you later. - People who have no minds of their own DESERVE to look like clowns.
ga851126 -- There's a nice thing about owning a cat. sniff - - CRASH! But I don't know what it is.
ga851127 -- Okay, talking scale, how much do I weigh? - Do you mind if I ask a personal question first? Shoot. - How many of you are there?
ga851128 -- Garfield, you eat food like it grows on trees. I wasn't born yesterday. I know the food fairy brings it in the night. - What if the food just stopped? I could handle that. - It's the eating I would miss.
ga851129 -- - - Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know this mailman was taken. That's quite all right.
ga851130 -- I know I haven't written yet, mom. I'm sorry. Yes, I'll come visit you when I can, okay? - I FEEL LIKE SUCH a HEEL! - Jon takes so many guilt trips, he qualifies for the frequent flyer plan.
ga851201 -- May I have your attention, please! - Ladieees and gentlemen! Odie-The-Amazing will now dive into this glass of water! - Of course he is going to need a little encouragement. - Go for it, Odie! I'm going to make you a star! - WHOAM! LET GO!
ga851201 -- LET GO! - SPLUT! SPLOOT! - When you own pets, there's never a dull moment. Grrrr!
ga851202 -- Great! It's here! - Some people wear their emotions on their sleeves. - I wear my opinions on my belly. I Hate Dogs
ga851203 -- I Hate Dogs - - Gee...I didn't think dogs could read.
ga851204 -- CUT THAT OUT, ODIE! - How would you like it if I licked you? - It just occurred to me. Someday I'm going to have to put this tongue back in my mouth.
ga851205 -- Hey, buddy. I'm a bathroom scale. So? - So I don't do livestock. - Me and my big voice chip.
ga851206 -- - - Odie must be getting something out of this wall I'm not.
ga851207 -- - - I don't believe I fell for that.
ga851208 -- MOTHER!!! - What say we rest this lunch off in the park? Splendid idea. - That was a great lunch. Boy, am I stuffed! - Look at the size of this belly. - Oh, yeah? Look at this! - I'm fatter than you are. Check this out! - You two are
ga851208 -- disgusting. - It's no wonder we're still single, right, Garfield? Burp - BURP BURP Ignore them, Melissa. Men are not a pretty sight.
ga851209 -- Why the long face, Garfield? I don't know. - Are you depressed because you're fat and lazy and out of shape? - Why is it friends aren't happy until they've given some direction to your depression?
ga851210 -- You look a little depressed, Garfield. Bingo. - Just remember, when you're flat on your back, the only way to kook is up. Thank you, Jon. I am no longer depressed. - Now I'm suicidal.
ga851211 -- I have some words of wisdom to help you beat those old blues, buddy. - He's gonna get cryptic again. - Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. - Oh, great...I'm going to be up all night figuring that one out.
ga851212 -- I have you figured out, Garfield. You refuse to take life on because you're afraid of failure. - That shows what Jon knows about human nature. - Actually, I have a deep-seated fear of success.
ga851213 -- Garfield, your life is a big, fat drag. Do you know that? - You sleep to escape. You eat to escape... - You need more escapes.
ga851214 -- Boy, am I in a rotten mood. - CRASH! - This must be serious...that didn't even cheer me up.
ga851215 -- - - toing SPLAT! - And now some carrots for color. - Interesting. toing - And just how long have you been sticking food to the ceiling? - Oh, for quite some time now.
ga851216 -- - - Better.
ga851217 -- I'm housecleaning today, Garfield. So throw out all your useless stuff, okay? - Okaaaaay. - Garfield, may I have a word with you?
ga851218 -- Hey, Garfield! Come on in! - - How do you do that? Simple...fat floats.
ga851219 -- You may not know this, Garfield, but I'm somewhat of an expert at reading tea leaves. - Ah, yes, it says here you will have a long and fruitful life. Your owner is kind and generous, and you will travel soon. - Any questions? May I have my
ga851219 -- cocoa back?
ga851220 -- Garfield, do you want your eggs beaten? Yeah. - And while you're at it, squeeze the orange juice. - Then choke some toast And mangle the bacon! I'm worried about that boy.
ga851221 -- PURRRRRR, purr, purr. - - Actios speak louder than purrs.
------------------------------------
ga851222 -- slurp! - - poo - - poo - poo - I spit out the hole.
ga851223 -- WHA?! - Let me guess. It's time to trim the Christmas tree, right? - You must be psychic.
ga851224 -- Come on, Odie. The sooner we go to bed, the sooner it will be Christmas morning. pat pat pat - Christmas eve is the longest night of the year. - I imagine it would be shorter if we could ever fall asleep.
ga851225 -- Merry Christmas, Garfield! Open your presents, buddy. What's the holdup? I'm just savoring the moment. - This is my favorite morning of the whole year. All out differences are set aside and all the love we feel for one another is wrapped up
ga851225 -- in the gifts we have made with care. I love Christmas. - Enough of sentiment. GIMME!
ga851226 -- What a great Christmas! Jon got me the perfect gift...food. - Hey, Garfield, are you enjoying your present? - I'd never seen a radio made to look like a hamburger! *
ga851227 -- Hey, Pooky, I need ahug. - - It's impossible to give a hug without getting one back.
ga851228 -- OH NO! I'M BEING HUGGED! - How dare you hug an unarmed cat from behind! I feel...I feel, uh...I feel. - Pretty good, actually.
ga851229 -- - Do you boys wanna go out? - Well, do you, huh? - HUH? HUH? DO YUH? HUH? HUH?
ga851229 -- - Open the darn door. - The direct aprroach is the best approach.
ga851230 -- It's just about time... - SPLUT! - Yup, there's the 8:25 pie right on schedule.
ga851231 -- Well, if this isn't RX-2, the talking scale. How are you today, felly? I'm depressed. - What could a scale possibly be depressed about? - How would you like to be stepped on every day and called a liar? - Good point.
ga860101 -- Do you wanna go out, boys? - Do you? Huh? Huh? Do you? - OKAY! GO FOR IT! Now we're too tired.
ga860102 -- What are you doing with those binopculars, Garfield? I'm checking something out. - Yup...I was right. - There's boredom just as far as the eye can see.
ga860103 -- Nobody takes me seriously - - Not even me!
ga860104 -- This is for you. Mail?! For me?! Wow! I'm important! I'm somebody. - Hey, wait a minute! This is addressed to "occupant"! - Are you ready for lunch, "occupant"? That's MISTER Occupant to you.
ga860105 -- - Mornin', Garfield. - Hello, little buddy, would you like a drink of wa-wa? Ha! Ha! I thought so! - Jon talks to his fern more than he talks to me. - EEEEK! - Garfield, would you by any chance know what happened to my plant? - Burp, if you
ga860105 -- have anything to say to your precious fern, just speak into my bellybutton.
ga860106 -- I feel great today! I feel like curing a major disease, writing a best-selling book and stopping poverty! - LOOK OUT, WORLD! HERE COMES GARFIELD! Is there anything yu need, Garfield? - Yes...I need you to stop me.
ga860107 -- - -
ga860108 -- How much do I weigh, RX-2? Do you really want to know? - Not really. - Would you like a hint?
ga860109 -- Let's see how much you know about cats. - Here are two people who, for all practical purposes, appear to be identical. - Guess which one is allergic to cats.
ga860110 -- I wonder if that floor is cold - - Yup...it's cold all right.
ga860111 -- I love hangig on the screen door. I can be a fly or a mountain climber... * - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - Or a door knocker. *
ga860112 -- - Scram! This is my birdbath! - I hate to see birds have a good time. - HEY! THIS WATER IS FREEZING! - UNNNGH! - -
ga860113 -- Cats have an incredible innate ability to sense when you are not feeling well. - Jon, I sense you are not feeling well. - They also have anincredible innate lack of sympathy.
ga860114 -- Hands off, Garfield. I'm saving that for Odie. - - Nice try, guy.
ga860115 -- I'm going to give Garfield a little treat today. - ARRRGH! - You don't like shaved coconut? Shaved coconut, Yes. Albino spiders, no.
ga860116 -- Cats have an incredible innate ability to sense when you are feeling blue. - Jon, I sense you are feeling blue. See? - BONK! Cheer up!
ga860117 -- We hve here the last piece of cake, Garfield. - I suggest we draw straws to see who gets it. - I'm not a betting man.
ga860118 -- And now the world-class pancake flipper will demonstrate his skill. - - Pardon my ignorance, Mr. World-Class Pancake Flipper, but shouldn't the stove be turned on first?
ga860119 -- The mailman makes a great scratching post. - We'll be right back after this announcement. - - Oooo! A warm spot. - It's no sunbeam, but it will do. - - ROWRR! - The first rule of owning a cat: "Look before you sit".
ga860120 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - There is enough static electricity in 20 cats to start a car. - But, it still won't start on a cold morning! Come on, guys. I'm late for work! Take a hike, jack. z z z z Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860121 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - A Jon Arbuckle claims to own a cat who can eat 10 times its body weight. To verify his claim we offered the cat 270 pounds of lasagna. - The cat ate only 219 pounds of lasagna. Things went so well in the
ga860121 -- rehearsal. Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860122 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - Nick, a cat in Sweden, has eaten six mice a day for twelve years. That's over 26,000 mice! - I spite of his notoriety, poor Nick is still single. Nick, about your breath... Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860123 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - Cats and dogs evolved from a single animal called a "cog". It became extinct when it barked up the wrong tree... BARK! BARK! BARK! - A tree named "Bubba. Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860124 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - In 1957, a cat in Oregon salved a drowning child. - But, it was under the legal size limit, so he threw the kid back. Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860125 -- GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - A cat in Lubbock, Texas gave birth to 57 kittens. - When asked how she felt after giving birth to quinseptulets, she said: I'll feel better when the start sleeping through the night. Believe it, or DON'T!
ga860126 -- This looks like my lucky day! - Look at ol' Jon out there working his fingers to the bone planting a flower bed. - I guess I'd better get out there and give those flowers the Garfield touch. - I'll start by stomping on a few. Then I'll chew
ga860126 -- on a few. Then I'll yank the rest out by their tender roots. - DIE, YOU DAISIES! - BOING! BOING! BOING! - How did you like my plastic flower garden? CHEATER!
ga860127 -- Sigh - Gravity. - Why fight it?
ga860128 -- It's fun to lie here and muse on the meaning of life, - and muse on the myriad of solutions to the world's woes, - and to count the cracks in the ceiling.
ga860129 -- People seem to be leading more active lifestyles these days. - I wonder what that would be like? - The only thing active about me is my imagination.
ga860130 -- You people don't appreciate the stress we cats must deal with. - What with having hair all over our bodies... - Living in constant fear of split ends.
ga860131 -- Some people have the silliest phobias. - I have a fear of letting my mind wander. - I'm afraid it wouldn't come back.
ga860201 -- I gotta start getting more out of life. - I gotta smell the roses along the way. - Hey, Garfield, is there anything I can do for you? Bring me a rose.
ga860202 -- In the news, today, cat season opens tomorrow! - Z - Snort, what's that sound? - OH NO! I LEFt THE TELEVISION ON! - On the all night movie channel! - CLICK! - CLUNK! - I feel like such an unworthy parent! Z
ga860203 -- Hi, this is Jon Arbuckle. My cat needs a checkup...what kind of cat is he? - Uh, he's a registered yellow tabby with distinguished lineage. - Actually, he's an orange meatball with stripes.
ga860204 -- Hey, Garfield, let's get a pizza! - SLAM! OH, NO! HA HA! - On the way we'll stop at the vet. IT'S THE OLD BAIT-AND-SWITCH!
ga860205 -- I hate going to the vet. - Actually, seeing the vet isn't so bad. - It's the waiting room that depresses me.
ga860206 -- The doctor's not looking. Now's my chance to make an escape! - - Stupid stainless steel table!
ga860207 -- Hey, doc, do you mind if I have something to drink? - Help yourself. - There should be something in the refrigerator by the specimen bottles.
ga860208 -- While you're at it, doc, how about giving ME a checkup? Say "Ahh". - Ahh. - What was that? You'll neve rhave to worry about liver flukes again.
ga860209 -- Two coat hangers. - Two coat hangers and an empty closet. - There you go, kids. - - * - - IT'S TRUE.
ga860210 -- Hey, dog, you're ugly! Hey, dog, you're stupid! - Hey, dog, you couldn't catch a '532 Packard! - ROWF! YIP! YAP! YAP! BARK! You gotta flip the right switch!
ga860211 -- Some people love to linger over dinner. - ZOOM! - Garfield makes cameo appearances.
ga860212 -- Do you know what I love about cats the most? It's our dignity. Even royalty could learn from the dignified style with which we conduct our lives. - Well, I see by the old clock on the floor, it's lunch time. - Time to beg for table scraps.
ga860213 -- My cat isn't perfect. He lies around a lot. - In fact, I encourage him to lie around a lot. - Because every time he moves, he destroys something.
ga860214 -- scratch scratch scratch scratch - CRUNCH! ARRRGH! - IF YOU DESTROY ONE MORE THING AROUND THIS HOUSE, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! You're too late.
ga860215 -- Sharpening claws can be risky business. scratch scratch scratch - SPROING! - Sometimes the furniture is booby trapped.
ga860216 -- Cat's cradle? I doubt it. - World's LArgest Ball Of Twine - World's largest ball of twine, huh? - I wonder what this is for. - Uh-oh! - - - - Don't worry, Garfield! I'll protect you from that fierce piece of string! I hate him.
ga860217 -- Ah, here comes Arlene. - Hello, Garfield. Unnnngh Yugstyx. - You may dispense with the vanity. Whew! Thank you.
ga860218 -- What's a girl like you doing in a place like this? - But this is a nice place. - Like I said...what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?
ga860219 -- About that space between your front teeth, Arlene. Yes? - When you smile, you look like a vending machine. - Check that, a "cute" vending machine.
ga860220 -- Arlene, I'm sorry I picked on the space between your front teeth. - Perhaps this little gift will make amends. What is it? - A toothpick!
ga860221 -- * * * * * - You dance like you have two left feet. - I do. Oh, yeah.
ga860222 -- Why hasn't our relationship grown? Because you're a wise guy and I'm self-centered. - But, Garfield, no man is an island. - Or, in your case, a continent. My ego and I will get back on you.
ga860223 -- Z - I wonder how Garfield would look in my gag glasses? Z - And tie, and shorts, and tennies? Z - Good morning, Garfield. snort...Morning. - Hee hee What are you laughing at, pea-brain? - - Sometimes I wish I were awake when I'm asleep.
ga860224 -- I wonder what dog food tastes like? pant pant - OH NO! MY EYES ARE DRYING OUT! MY TONGUE IS STARTING TO SWELL! I'M GETTING SHORT OF BREATH! - PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT
ga860225 -- - - I have more respect for food than that.
ga860226 -- Isn't rain wonderful, Garfield? - When it stops, the earth is cleansed and the plants are refreshed. - And I get to go out on the driveway and stomp on earthworms.
ga860227 -- Uh-oh! - Jon should never leave his bunny slippers under the bed alone. -
ga860228 -- Odie, you were a bad boy for chewing on the sofa. - TAP TAP TAP - Is this a private party, or can anyone play?
ga860301 -- WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - GLOP! - The service here is slow, but at least the waiter is rude.
ga860302 -- Well this is another fine mess you've gotten me into. - ** Oh, Garfield* Garfield's gon. The hogs ate him. - Garfield, I have a big job for us today. I'm afraid I know what you're going to to do. - I'm going to throw it out. But, it seems we
ga860302 -- just got it! - There comes a time when everything must go. So soon? - Let's get to it. Have you no heart? - DON'T DO IT! DON't DO IT! - It's starting to look a little tacky. I suppose you're right.
ga860303 -- Where are they? - Hey, Garfield, have you seen my golf shoes? I'm wearing them. - Are you quite through?
ga860304 -- Guess where we're going, Garfield? We're going to clown college. - We're going to play golf. Let's go! - Very funny. I've never been so ashamed in my life.
ga860305 -- WHIFF! - Allow me. - HOW COULD YOU?! YOU STUPID BALL! I'LL SHOW YOU!
ga860306 -- - WHIRRR! - I think you swing too hard.
ga860307 -- putt - STOMP! - WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! You should thank me, you almost lost your ball down that hole.
ga860308 -- I wonder why Jon always takes me golfing? - CRASH! - Sorry about your window, sir. My cat is just picking up the game. Bingo.
ga860309 -- - - - I'd better check this out. - - ARRRGH! - What happened?! YOU TURNED MY WATER COLLECION LOOSE? THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!
ga860310 -- I think I'll write a book this week. They say everyone has a good book in them. - - I may have an entire library.
ga860311 -- In order to write a book I must go out and live life. - I think I'll run with the bulls in Pamplona! - Then I'll write a book entitled, "The Stupidest Thing I've Ever Done".
ga860312 -- We writers have an uncanny ability to observe ouselves from an omniscient point of view. - "As the handsome cat gazed upon the folly of life about him he tossed his head back in laughter... Ha! Ha! Ha!" - And the he fell right off his chair.
ga860313 -- Some people only talk about writing books. - And some people do something about it. - Yes...yes, this is how I want to be photographed for the book jacket.
ga860314 -- Go ahead and eat, Jon, I'm a writer. I'll sit here and observe you. - - I think I'll write an autobiography.
ga860315 -- I must suffer in order to write a great novel. - WHANG! - Thank you, Jon. I'll remember you in my acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize for literature.
ga860316 -- - - - - I'm home! SLAM! - CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! YIP! GARFIELD! Why is it I get blamed for everything around here?!
ga860317 -- Garfield, you prowl all night and you sleep all day. You also eat too much. - What do you have to say for yourself? - You only go around nine times in life, so grab for all the gusto you can get.
ga860318 -- Garfield, it's time to put you on another diet. ARRRGH! - DO YOU KNOW WHAT A DIET COULD DO TO ME? - I could waste away to normal!
ga860319 -- - The TV advertisers didn't waste any time. - I've been on a diet one day and they're already running more food commercials.
ga860320 -- I gotta kick something. This diet is making me grumpy. - tap - Not to mention, weak.
ga860321 -- Garfield, I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. Jon, there's something I have to tell you. - You've done a great job sticking with your diet this week. Listen to me, Jon. - And that takes a lot of self-discipline. I ate your bunny
ga860321 -- slippers.
ga860322 -- You shouldn't watch sad movies when you're on a diet, Garfield. You know how emotional you get. - This isnt a sad movie. - It's a food commercial.
ga860323 -- SLURP! SLURP! - SLURP! - Uugh! This coffee is weak! - What the? SLOSH - Odie - - - SLURP! - Much better.
ga860324 -- Why is it I always have to go on diets? - Oh, sure, I've put on pound or two... - Or three or four or five.
ga860325 -- Here's your diet salad, Garfield. - Would you like anything on it? If you don't mind. - Perhaps you could garnish it with a chocolate cake.
ga860326 -- - I think I know how Odie stays so slim. - It must take a lot of energy to be that stupid. RRRRRR
ga860327 -- You have lost three pounds. - Congratulations, Garfield! Thank, you. - Pssst, when do I get my fresh batteries? Later.
ga860328 -- Garfield, in order to successfully diet, you must change your eating habits. - - SPLUT!
ga860329 -- On which days are most diets begun? - Wrong. Monday is the second most popular day. - Most diets begun "tomorrow".
ga860330 -- - Hey, Jon. There's a spot on your shirt. Where? - Ha! Ha! - TOING! - Hey, Odie, your shoelace is untied! - Ha! Ha! TOIOIOIOIONG! - Hey, Garfield! There's a huge, hairy spider crawling up your belly! Nice try, Jon! - You gotta get up pretty
ga860330 -- early in the morning to pull one over on old Garfield.
ga860331 -- - RATS! - Rats?! Where? Oh, no! Whatever shall we do? There goes the neighborhood! Wiseguy rats.
ga860401 -- Who are you? We, sir are rats. We're all brothers. - BONK! - Oh, yeah, one of us is a sister.
ga860402 -- Howdy, stranger. Rip, Juanita and Bob are our names and spreading pestilence is our game. - Which one of you is Juanita? - The one with "Eau de Vermin" behind her ears.
ga860403 -- How did you rats get your names? I'm called Rip because I'm fast. Juanita was my grandmother's name. - How about you, Bob? That's the sound my head makes when it runs into a wall. - I take it Bob isn't very bright. He couldn't get through a
ga860403 -- maze with a map.
ga860404 -- Jon will kill me if he finds out I let rats into the house. I'll lure them out with the old "Pied Piper" ploy. - * - Okay, fat boy. Let's take it from the top.
ga860405 -- What do you guys want to do today? Let's spread pestilence! - Nah, let's lower somebody's property value. Or take a scenic sewer tour. - You're disgusting. It's a living. Or run up an old man's pant leg?
ga860406 -- Hello, Garfield. Hello, Arlene. - I see you're still fat. I see you stil have that space between your teeth. - At least I can close my mouth. I can go on a diet. - You're not likely to go on a diet. You're not likely to close your mouth. -
ga860406 -- Hey, why are we fighting like children? I'm sorry. I'm sorry too. - So long, Arlene. So long, Garfield. - Beaver face. Lard belly.
ga860407 -- I hate partly cloudy days. - When it's sunny, I'm happy, when it's cloudy, I'm das. - On a partly cloudy day I can use up a week's worth of moods.
ga860408 -- My, my. You're up early this morning. - I didn't ge tup early. - My leg cramp did!
ga860409 -- I hate it when I can't ge tmilk cartons open. Let me give you a hand. - HIYAH! THOCK! - Amazing things: claws.
ga860410 -- You stay out there, Garfield. I'll let you in when I'm good an ready. - SCREEEEEEEE - I'm ready. Good and.
ga860411 -- All tucked in for the night? Yup. - - MY LASAGNA! I was hoping you wouldn't notice.
ga860412 -- And now for the third tennis ball. - TAH-DAH! A NEW WORLD'S RECORD. You spit those out very instant! - Some people have no sense of history.
ga860413 -- - Whoa! This is what I call a window of opportunity! - No you don't, Odie! I saw it first! - IT'S MINE! ALL MINE! - Wait a minute, Odie. I have an idea! Why don't we COOPERATE to ge tthe pie? Then we will SHARE it! - Sometimes the old axioms
ga860413 -- work best. - Like "there's a sucker born every minute".
ga860414 -- Hey, Garfield, guess what? We are going to visit dad and mom on the farm again! - Jon, you must be psychic. - I was just lying here thinking it was time to restock the burrs in my fur.
ga860415 -- Hey, mom, pass the potatoes, please. Scalloped, whipped, fried, baked or boiled? - Mom, you always fix too much food. I know, honey, I know. Now, what would you like? - i can't decide. Just give me a piece of pie. Apple, peach, pumpkin,
ga860415 -- blueberry, cherry, or banana cream?
ga860416 -- Farm life's great, isn't it, Garfield? - However, I will admit it's a little slow. - Nothing much to do but count the bricks in the old silo. 14,238
ga860417 -- Look, Garfield! A moo cow! - And a bow-bow! And a piggy-piggy! - Ha-ha, you guys! This must be the famous farm humor I've heard about.
ga860418 -- Kind of muddy today, isn't it, Garfield? It is. - It's too deep for a little feller like you. I know. - you oughta get up on Jon's shoulders. I am.
ga860419 -- It's cloudin' up. Yup. - Looks like rain. Yup. These are men of few words. - It's rainin'. Yup. And few brains.
ga860420 -- scritch scritch scrith - SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH - SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH BARK! BARK! Why don't you boys let yourselves out for a change? - WHA?! - - CRASH - It's time I give some serious consideration to adding a pet door.
ga860421 -- The newspaper should be here about now. - BONK! - Sometimes you get the paper, sometimes the paper gets you.
ga860422 -- My life is boring. - Have you heard the old saying, "all dressed up and no place to go"? - I'm naked and no place to go.
ga860423 -- I gotta do something to spice up my life. - I know! I'll take my afternoon nap in the morning and my morning nap in the afternoon. - Garfield, you mad, impetuous boy, you.
ga860424 -- Life is like a Ferrari, it goes too fast. - But that's okay. - Because you can't afford it anyway.
ga860425 -- I shall now meditate in order to enrich my life. - There is nothing like meditation to get in touch with on'e self. - Self...if you don't get out of this stupid position in about three seconds, you kneecaps are going to fall off!
ga860426 -- Life is like a birdbath. It's made of concrete, filled with water, and uh...birds like to splash in it. - Boy, that was dumb. Life isn't anything like a bird bath. tap tap - Life...is like a sock monkey...
ga860427 -- Behind every sunday is a monday. - - Jon had better wake up on time this morning. - If he oversleeps he's going to regret it. - I fact, I kind of hope he does oversleep. We'll have some fun. - blink blink blink - I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE! PARTY
ga860427 -- POOPER!
ga860428 -- Hey, Odie, give me a push. - A big push! - Let's make that a MEDIUM big push.
ga860429 -- Get ready to go into orbit, Odie! - - Let me know when you get back!
ga860430 -- Look, Odie. No feet! - Look, Odie. Only one hand! - I hate showoffs.
ga860501 -- The green flag drops and the race is on! - Leading the pack is the great Enzio Bodoni. - Enzio Bodoni makes an unscheduled pit stop.
ga860502 -- Gee, I love playgrounds. - I remember how much fun monkey bars were when I was a kid. - I guess you can't go back.
ga860503 -- Odie, I need your help. - Let's play on the teeter-totter. - I could just cry.
ga860504 -- Z - Z - Wake up, Garfield. I want you to see a sunrise. A sunrise? Me? That's unnatural. - It's about time you saw a sunrise. Then take a picture! - Where's your sense of adventure? If it's before breakfast, I'm not interested. - IT'S AN
ga860504 -- EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE YOU'LL NEVER FORGET! I know, I saw one once in a movie. - I'll tell you what, if you got ot there peacefully, I'll never ask you to see a sunrise again. Agreed. - Rats. I'm all choked up. Let's go in.
ga860505 -- Oops. CRASH! OH-NO! MY BEST CHINA! - Look on the bright side, Jon. - Your 64-piece set is now a 3,000-piece set.
ga860506 -- Garfield, there are cat hairs all over this place. Yes, isn't it wonderful? They are like family. - Yuk! I almost swallowed this one! OH-NO! - Billy? Speak to me! Are you all right?
ga860507 -- - GARFIELD! - WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FERN?! I (burp) pruned it.
ga860508 -- Garfield, you act like you own this house. I do. - What's this? A deed. - This is a forgery! I'll see you in court.
ga860509 -- Wouldn't you know it? There's a cat hair in my lasagna. - - What do you have to say for yourself? Ouch!
ga860510 -- - CRASH! - What made you do that? My sense of aesthetics.
ga860511 -- - OH-NO! - ODIE! THANK GOODNESS IT'S YOU! THROW ME A VINE! - GREAT! - NOW PULL! - Playing in your food again, I see. Playing heck! You oughta put warning signs around this oatmeal!
ga860512 -- Let's see what kind of day it is. - ZIP! - It appears to be a monday.
ga860513 -- I'll get you out of there, Garfield. - WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! - My hero.
ga860514 -- Odie! Odie! Pull the blind down, fella! - WHIRRRRR! - Our here.
ga860515 -- Well, I guess you guys can forget what I said yesterday. - You know, about not doing enough together. - OUCH! QUIT IT! OUCH! CUT THAT OUT! ROWR! RRRR!
ga860516 -- I wonder how we're going to get out of here? - CRASH! - Isn't that the way? Just when everything looks hopeless, things work out. I love happy endings.
ga860517 -- Excuse me, Ma'am? - Would you mind doing me a big favor? YOU BEAST! - What did I say? I don't think she wanted to get involved.
ga860518 -- I'm glad you could join me. - You know, boys, it's nice to spend some quality time together and really visit. - Remember the time you got wrapped up in the window blind, Garfield? - And then I got caught in it trying to get you free? - Then,
ga860518 -- to top it off, Odie got caught in it trying to save us! - It seems like only yesrerday. - It WAS yesterday, you twit! Urf. No you can't go out, Odie!
ga860519 -- Sir, would you help us out of this window blind? Sure. - WHIRRRRR! - The house isn't much, but we call it home. What's for dinner?
ga860520 -- STOP RIGHT THERE! I KNOW WEIRDOS WHEN I SEE THEM! - WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! - Okay, you have me. Do with me what you will. Let's kill her. Shut up, Garfield.
ga860521 -- HELP! HELP! I'M BEING ABDUCTED. - Okay, you dirty rats! Come out with your hands up! - NEVER! WE'LL FIGHT TO THE LAST MAN! You stay out of this!
ga860522 -- I wonder how many more people are going to get trapped in this blind before this nightmare is over? - - Okay! Where did the lamppost come from?! I think Odie had something to do with it.
ga860523 -- It's hard to believe so many people can get caught in an ordinary window blind. - How are we going to get out of this thing? - And how are we going to get up?
ga860524 -- Hold tight, folks. snip snip - You're free! YAYYYY!! - This is great! It's nice to have some elbowroom. You can say that again!
ga860525 -- ROWR Tummies, they're never satisfied. - For me, life is like a potato chip...I can't have just one. - Life is like mashed potatoes...you gotta take the lumps with the good. SPLAT! - Life is like a cherry phosphate...by the time you get to
ga860525 -- the good stuff, the fizz is gone. - Life is like a turkey...any way you slice it, it's still a turkey. BONK! SPLASH! - Life is like a fine cheese...it becomes more precious with age. sniff - Life is like a rabbit...if it doesn't keep on
ga860525 -- hopping, it doesn't get anywhere. - Looking for the ultimate meaning of life, Garfield? It's on this table somewhere.
ga860526 -- I'm bored. - I think I'll take up a sport... - SMACK! Tag! I'm it!
ga860527 -- GOOSH! - Would you like a drink of water, Odie? -
ga860528 -- I'd like to be able to stop each of those cars and aske the people where they're going. If they didn't have a good excuse I'd send them home. - Of course, some of them may not have a home...how sad. - "Car people".
ga860529 -- The birds seem to be singing more this time of year. chirp chirp tweet - They may be heralding a change in seasons. * tweet - Then again, it could be the shower Jon installed in the birdbath. * tweet *
ga860530 -- Hey, dog! I laugh at your looks! I spit on your feet! - I like picking on the dog next door as long as there is a sturdy fence between us. - Knotholes! I forgot about the knotholes!
ga860531 -- Here, Garfield,, have some shark's fin soup. - Gee thanks, but, I'm not in the mood for seafood. - I think I'll just have some of our chicken's foot soup.
ga860601 -- Viewers, do you suffer from intelligence? - Good evening, this is Lance Sterling, your man on the street. - Here comes someone down the street now...ma'am, which are smarter, cats or dogs? - Why, cats, of course. SMACK! - And what do you
ga860601 -- think, sir? I think dogs are smarter. POKE - How about you, little boy? Pigs are smarter than cats or dogs. - Pigs are smarter than we are? That's hard to accept. - Come on, Odie. Let's go discuss this over a ham sandwich.
ga860602 -- - - Litter box backed up? I hate mondays.
ga860603 -- Yip! Yip! Yip! Let me help you, Odie. - PLOOP! - I don't know you dogs survive. Uh...Jon?
ga860604 -- Are you going to eat that hamburger, Pooky? - I love eating with teddy bears. - They're always stuffed.
ga860605 -- - GARFIELD! DIN... ZIP! GULP! - Urp...what's on TV? COME BACK HERE AND LINGER!
ga860606 -- tappity tappity tappity - I knew a dog who was so stupid, he chased bones and buried cars! - CLONK! BOP! BAP! BONK!
ga860607 -- I knew a dog who was so rich, he hired someone to drool for him! - HA! HA! HA! HA! - I hate to laugh at my own jokes.
ga860608 -- - Hold the diving board steady, Odie. - Okay, let's give it a try! - Out of the way, mutt! I'll be the first to try this swimming pool. - - Maybe we should check the assembly instructions again. scrittch scritch
ga860609 -- - You sure spend a lot of time in the sunbeam, Garfield. Haven't you heard? - Cats are solar powered.
ga860610 -- Hello there, I'm Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. I know I know. - There's something more important then being cute you know. Whatever could that be? - Being big.
ga860611 -- YEE-HA! - That looks like fun. Let me try that. - What's the problem here? It's a mystery to me.
ga860612 -- A little to the right. SCRITCH - Oh, yeh! That's it! SCRITCH SCRITCH - Now I see why people love cats. We're pretty terrific all right.
ga860613 -- What a great day! I feel like conquering the world today. Fat chance, kid. You're suffering from the idealism of youth. - Has it occured to you that you may be suffering from the cynicm of old age? - Okay, first we conquer the block, then the
ga860613 -- neighborhood, then...
ga860614 -- Hey! Quit leaning on me. I am not leaning on you. - PLOP - See? The wind shifted, that's all.
ga860615 -- UGH! LEFTOVERS! - - COME AND GET IT; GARFIELD! - - DINNER IS SERVERD! - - Got the hankering for something a cat can really dig into? The try the cat food with with real meat by-products and rare herbs and spices. Then, quench that all with a
ga860615 -- tall frosty bowl of milk. - Happy? We cats appreciate good packaging.
ga860616 -- Good heavens! I'm going to be eight years old this thursday! - I hate birthdays. They're a lot like calendars. - They remind you your days are numbered.
ga860617 -- Hey! There's somebody in bed with me! - Oh, it's you... - Good morning, belly.
ga860618 -- I have some bad news about your birthday cake, Garfield. - It collapsed under the weight of the candles. Is that an age joke? - Oh well, it would probably have set off the smoke alarm anyway. TIME-OUT! UNFAIR! AGE JOKE!
ga860619 -- Happy birthday, Garfield! We love you! - Do you know the best part of birthdays? - For a day, it's nice to have the world revolve around you!
ga860620 -- Happy birthday, Garfield. Here's a double-chocolate fudge marshmallow cream cake! - And here's chocolate chip ice cream, sugar cookie and a cherry phosphate! Any queszions? Yeh... - What's for dessert?
ga860621 -- For your birthday I got you a diet book. Gee, thanks! This is perfect! - Diet - Cookies
ga860622 -- Are you the bologna or the pimento loaf? - GROWL - Rats, I'm hungry for something and I don't know what it is. - I don't want lasagna. I don't want milk. I don't want hamburgers. - A craving usually denotes a deficiancy in the system. -
ga860622 -- THAT'S IT! - - The mailman content of my blood was getting low.
ga860623 -- Will that be all? Irma, we haven't ordered yet. - Here's your check. Have a nice day. - Don't you care that we haven't eaten? Not as long as you leave a nice tip.
ga860624 -- What do you recommend, Irma? - The hamburger flambe, french fries flambe, chili soup flambe, and peach pie flambe. - What's with all the flambes? The kitchen is on fire.
ga860625 -- What'll you have, Jon? - I'll have whatever he's having. - Suit yourself.
ga860626 -- How's it going, Irma? Great! Just won the fast-food service division of the waitress awards. - What's the fast-food service award? - BLAT! BLAT!
ga860627 -- Here you go, fellas. The "Saturday Special". - This stuff tastes terrible! - Well, to be honest, it's the "Week-Ago-Saturday Special".
ga860628 -- Irma, I ordered a pie a la mode. Where's the scoop ice cream? It was there a minute ago. - WAH-HA! - I GOT IT! I'll hav ethe pie plain, thank you.
ga860629 -- You have a heart of stone, my dear. - Come on, guys. We have some shopping to do. Can't you see I'm meditating right now? - This lawn ornament is perfect for mom. How long have you hated your mother? - I think I'll grab a little nap while Jon
ga860629 -- shops. - Oh, Freeman! Look at that plaster cat! Z - Yawn! What a nice nap? - - Why is it all the rotten luck happens to me? Whine! - Oh, what are you complaining about?
ga860630 -- Why, hello there, little spider. - Here, make yourself at home. Share my food, my bed... - My library. WHUMP!
ga860701 -- Okay, Odie, today we scare the mailman...look vicious! - - All right, let's practice slobbering on his shoes.
ga860702 -- Here comes the mailman. Now's my chance to shred his pant legs. - YOW! - Sorry, pal. I didn't notice you were wearing bermuda shorts.
ga860703 -- I hate it when I lose Garfield in the department store. - GARFIELD! WHERE ARE YOU? Over here. - House Plants By the...burp...salad bar.
ga860704 -- Normally I'd destroy Odie for this, but, luckily for him, I've had a change of heart. - PUNT! - Of course, it eill take a while for word to reach my foot.
ga860705 -- Good morning, Odie. - - How can you communicate with a dog whose brain didn't leave a forwarding address?
ga860706 -- Hold still, Odie. We'll get it open this time. - - Here's some change, Garfield. Get us some pop. - - CHUKONG! - I wonder what would happen if I put all the money in at once. CLINK CLINK - - CAJUNG!
ga860707 -- What a night! I dreamed the house was surrounded by a pack of vicious dogs chanting, "Send out the cat! Send out the cat!" - Good morning, Garfield. Would you like to go out? - I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE! Or would you rather stay in?
ga860708 -- OH, NO! JON'! FOAMING AT THE MOUTH! - QUICK! LET'S MAKE A BREAK FOR IT! - Good morning, boys. TOO LATE! LET'S SPLIT UP AND HOPE HE GOES AFTER YOU!
ga860709 -- That, son, is a cat. - He's a fat one and ugly, as cats go. - I may have to break our treaty agreement. Notice the sloping, criminal forehead.
ga860710 -- I can't understand it, Garfield, Why don't I have better luck with women? - Excuse me, Do you have the time? Only the rest of my life, you radiant thing you! - Perhaps you're a bit too eager.
ga860711 -- RRRRR - CLICK - Playing with the hair dryer, Garfield? I'm going for the natural look.
ga860712 -- Garfield, if you keep eating like that, you're going to explode. - POW! - Okay! Who shook the soda pop?
ga860713 -- Never tell a hungry cat the dinner is ALMOST ready. - Something smells good. What is it? - I'm going to bake a lasagna, Garfield, Do you wanna help? Let me think about it for a min...sure! - First we'll brown the hamburger with the tomato
ga860713 -- sauce and seasonings. I'd better see if this's fresh. - Then we'll scoop the ricota, slice the mozzarella and grate the parmesan. I'd better see if this stuff's NOT fresh. - Next, we'll lay a bed of noodles in the pan. One for me, one for the
ga860713 -- lasagna, one for me... - And no we'll bake it for one hour at 3750. - TIME PASSES - Gee, that recipe didn't make much lasagna. It apparently didn't take sampling into account.
ga860714 -- THERE'S NO ESCAPING IT! - IT'S GONNA GEt ME! - AHCHOO!
ga860715 -- Sniff. I'm allergic to something around here. I wonder if it's dogs? - SNIFF! - Nope.
ga860716 -- Ah, AH - AH, AHH! - CHOOO!
ga860717 -- Sniff. - SNIFF - SNUCK! Yes, Garfield. I know you're not feeling well.
ga860718 -- I'M GONNA SNEEZE! AH-AHH AHHH! - fft - Thank you. Where are you going? I'm going to boil my finger now.
ga860719 -- This is what's been making me sneeze! It's Jon's cologne. - It's called "Ditchdigger, The Working Man's Cologne". - And, as you know, I'm allergic to work.
ga860720 -- All right, who brought in the fleas. scritch scritch scritch - Sigh. - I'm bored. There's gotta be something to do. - Pets always seem to be able to entertein themselves. Maybe I could do what they do. - So...played with any good yarn lately?
ga860720 -- - I got it! I got it! - - Call the Funny Farm, Reba! Arbuckle's finally gone off the deep end! rowr Yip! Yip! Bark! Bark!
ga860721 -- YAWN - - Mondays are losing their subtlety.
ga860722 -- Monday 21 - RIP Monday 22 - OH, NO! IT'S THE MONDAY THAT WOULDN'T DIE!
ga860723 -- Monday 23 You're right, Garfield. Every day this week is monday. - I'm sure it's just a misprint. It doesn't mean anything. - Then again. GONK!
ga860724 -- I'd better check to see if it's still monday out there. - - SPLUT! Yup.
ga860725 -- Imagine having to suffer an entire week of mondays. Well, they're not getting me! - I'm spending the rest of the week in bed. - You gotta get up pretty early to put one over on old Garfield.
ga860726 -- - It must be wonderful to be that stupid. - For Odie, every day is saturday.
ga860727 -- HERE, KITTY, KITTY. - Uh-oh. - Hello, kitty. Would you like to come to my house? Take a hike, kid. - I'll fix you lots of good things to eat. I'm with you! - We'll have such a splendid time! - And you can play with Muffin, too. - Here you go,
ga860727 -- Muffin.
ga860728 -- How's your coffee this morning, Garfield? A little weak. - THUD! - See? It didn't even crack the plate.
ga860729 -- - gobble munch smack slurp - Burp
ga860730 -- Don't eat this pie, Garfield. I won't. - You won't forget will you? I won't forget. I never forget. - I just have convenient lapses of memory.
ga860731 -- Sorry, boys. I just ran out of coffee. WHAT?! - Wait! You're in luck. I just remembered... - The last guy in here spilled his. I think I'm going to be sick.
ga860801 -- This is great. What did mom used to say about sleeping in laundry baskets? - - Ah, yes..."My son, sleep only in the clean laundry".
ga860802 -- This mirror should shame Garfield into losing some weight. - - Why, thank you for the charming and witty dinner companion, Jon. You can't shame a shameless cat.
ga860803 -- FROM DEEP WITHIN GARFIELD'S WORST FEARS IT...*CAME*! - SEE! THE MONDA yTHAT WOULDN'T DIE! Z - See! The attack of the incredible Slobber Monster! - See! The interminable visit of the cutest kitten on earth! ARRRGH! - See! The can opener that
ga860803 -- wouldn't work! UNNGH! toink toink toink - Wake up, Garfield. Wanna go to a movie? It's not violent, is it? - It's called "Slime Pit Zombie Chain Saw Massacre". As long as there are no mondays in it.
ga860804 -- Are you ready for this, Garfield? - TAH-DAH ARRGH! - Are you all right? Next time warn me before you get ready to play golf?
ga860805 -- Do you know what these are, Garfield. Yes, I do. - And do you know what they're for? Of course. - I know doggie whackers when I see them.
ga860806 -- I'm going golfing, Garfield. Would you be my caddy? No way! I'm nobody's slave. - That's okay. I have somebody else in mind anyway. - Hello, caddy. - We're all doomed!
ga860807 -- Take my clubs, caddy! - Oops. HAR! HAR! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW? - This is surely breaking some pet labor law.
ga860808 -- Fetch the ball, caddy. - ODIE! - Let's talk. Here comes the gounds keeper, and, yes, I believe he's carrying a gun.
ga860809 -- Bring my bag, caddy. - OH-NO! - WHERE ARE MY CLUBS?! Back where I decided to lighten the load.
ga860810 -- Ready...aim. - * - Arch toast snatcher, Garfield the cat, prepares to ply his trade. TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK - ZIP! TOING! - - - TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK - TOING! CLANG!
ga860811 -- SPLUT - WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! - What was that all about? I'm training you guys to hate mondays too.
ga860812 -- Maybe I should cut down on coffee. - It's starting to keep me awake. - I must have tossed and turned for three minutes last night.
ga860813 -- SLUCK - DONK! - Nothing spoils lunch any quicker than a rogue meatball rampaging through your spaghetti.
ga860814 -- Hey, Garfield. Come here. - I'm sleeping with my socks on tonight. - Hee hee Har! Har! Life is a gas when you live with a crazy man like Jon!
ga860815 -- PANT PANT PANT - SCRIT -
ga860816 -- Hmmm - Ingedients: You're better off not knowing. - What you don't know can't hurt you, right?
ga860817 -- DONK! - dink - dinka - DINKA DONKA - DINKA DONKA DUNKA - DINKA DUNKA DONKA SPLUT - Hey, Odie! Come here. I have a surprise for you! - Have a piece of pie, boy. - DINKA DUNKA DONKA BONK!
ga860818 -- I suppose it's nice that Jon lets the neighborhood kids play in our yard. - BONK! - Then again, there's something to be said for barbed wire.
ga860819 -- Oh, no! Mice have gotten into the cereal. - That settles it! It's time to take action! - WE GOTTA GET A CAT!
ga860820 -- GARFIELD! THERE'S A RAT IN THE CELLAR! So? - So I want you to catch him. - Then what am I supposed to do? Make a citizen's arrest? You're hopeless. You know that don't you?
ga860821 -- What are we going to do about the rat in the cellar? I KNOW! - - What are you doing? We'll poison him.
ga860822 -- Why do *I* have to catch the rat? They're mean, with large pointy teeth. - Hold on, boy. Remember you're a cat. A fierce, carnivorous, predarory animal. - THe KING OF THE JUNGLE! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
ga860823 -- Did you get the rat, Garfield? You know, Jon, people should talk more. - The rat...did you catch the rat? All things can be worked out if you just use reason. - What happened? I gave him territory.
ga860824 -- Oh, great. - I hate spiders. - WHAP! Aack! - cough cough wheeze - daddy! speak to me! your father is dead, son. I'm a widow now. - I guess I should feel like a heel. - But, I don't. WHAP! Aack! Aack!
ga860825 -- Go get the paper, Garfield. Work! Work! Work! That's all I do around here. - I wonder what would happen if I just kept right on walking? - I guess I'm going to find out.
ga860826 -- Odie, it's been 10 minutes since I sent Garfield after the paper. Go find him. - - Why do I feel like I just sent the lamb after the lion?
ga860827 -- Gee, I sure miss the boys. - WHAT'S THAT?! - Oh yeah...that's quiet.
ga860828 -- GARFIELD! ODIE?! WHERE ARE YOU? - HA-HA, GUYS. THE JOKE'S OVER. NOE COME BACK HERE! - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Call the wagon, Reba! that's not a natural laugh!
ga860829 -- Well, here I am on my own. - I feel, so...so... - So out-on-my-ownish.
ga860830 -- sniff sniff sniff - - MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
ga860831 -- BEEP BEEP BIP BOOP - Hello? Lost And Found? Take this down: "Missing: My two precious pets answering to the names 'Garfield' and 'Odie'. When found, contact Jon Arbuckle, 711 Maple Street. Large reward. Repeat, LARGE reward." - That 'large
ga860831 -- reward" bit will have everybody looking. CLICK  - The NExt Day... Ah! There's my ad. Jon boy, you thought of everything. - DING DONG I wonder who that could be? - Who, Simba! Er I mean, Odie. I found Garfield and Odie, mither. Maybe I should
ga860831 -- have been more specific.
ga860901 -- I don't know why I should be so upset over Garfield and Odie leaving. It's not like they're family or anything. - It's 10:00. Do you know where your children are? - WAH!
ga860902 -- Gee, I'm lonely. I feel like it's just me against the world. - GROWL - Okay, okay...US agains the rest of the world.
ga860903 -- I'm so tired I hurt. - I could sleep for a week. - If I were't staring at this special for ground beef at Ed's Market.
ga860904 -- I'm homesick. I think I'll use my natural, uncanny sense of direction to find my way home. - - If I can find my way out of this newspaper.
ga860905 -- ODIE! YOU SLY DOG! THERE YOU ARE! - - Odie must have a very popular ear style.
ga860906 -- The milkman cometh. - Now to wait for the doughnut man.
ga860907 -- - Hello, doggie, are you lost? - - Would you like to come home with me? - Hmmm - And how would you like those silly ears of yours tied in a square knot? - I thought so.
ga860908 -- Mommy! Look at the doggie I found. May I heep him? - He's not rabid or anything, is he? Oh, no! He's not rabid! - He's just stupid.
ga860909 -- Would you like to give Dollie a kiss, doggie? - SLURP! How sweet! - DOLLY! WHERE DID YOUR FACE GO?!
ga860910 -- Oh, doggie. I love you and I hug you and I squeeze you! I could hold you forever! - Good night, doggie! - GASP!
ga860911 -- Sniff - Oh, poor doggie. I'll bet you miss your home, don't you? I'll bet you'd like to go back to your owner, wouldn't you? - OVER MY DEAd BODY!
ga860912 -- Okay, doggie, let's pretend you're at a tea party with all your little friends. - Now let's pretend... - IT'S OVERRUN BY MERCENARY GUERILLAS!
ga860913 -- Good night, little doggie. You sure do love it here, don't you? - Doggie? - Mom! Call out the dogs! Another one's gone over the wall!
ga860914 -- If you are here you are lost! - - Uh-oh! Look, fellas, a cat chew-toy. - ARF! ARF! Wait a minute. He braks like a dog. - PANT! PANT! PANT! And he pants like a dog. - Cool it, guys! Here comes the dogcatcher! BARK! BARK! - purrr scratch
ga860914 -- scratch meyow There's no justice.
ga860915 -- It's getting hungry out here. I hate to admit it, but I'd better find work. But, what can I do? - BINGO! - I Want You Join The Circus Show business, here I come!
ga860916 -- I'm going to join the circus! - I think I'll be a trapeze artist of a lion tamer. - Or a clown.
ga860917 -- Listen up, cat. I'm Binky The Clown. I'm the head clown around here and don't you forget it! It's a little hard to ignore. - And respect...I demand respect. - When I honk my nose, people snap to attention. He's full bore looney all right.
ga860918 -- This is a slapstick. It makes a lod noise, but, it doesn't really hurt. - Go ahead. Hit me with it as hard as you can. With pleasure! WHAP! - It's all in the wrist.
ga860919 -- LADIEES AND GENTLEMEN! MY ASSISTANT!... ROTUNDO THE CLOWN! "Rotundo"? - ROTUNDO WILL NOW TAKE A PIE IN THE FACE! SPLUT! - FROM MY ASSISTANT; DUMMY THE CLOWN! He looks vaguely familiar.
ga860920 -- This life isn't for me. Are you coming with me, clown? ploop - ODIE! - Hey! We ran away from home to run away from the circus!
ga860921 -- Table for two? - Boy, am I hungry. - If we don't find something to eat soon, Odie, we are going to starve. - LOOK! AN ANTHILL! - In parts of the world where food is scarce, natives squat by the anthills... - As the ants come out they pinch
ga860921 -- their tiny heads and put them in a pile until there's enough for a meal! - Bon appetit, Odie. You enjoy yourself. - While I squat by the door of this butcher shop.
ga860922 -- You boys look like you need a good meal. We're starved! - Well come in. Eat! Eat! There you go, Odie. - PET SHOP There ARE some good-hearted people in this old world.
ga860923 -- Hi, gang. What is this? Some kind of party? No, it's some kind of pet shop. CLANG! - You were lured in here with food. Now you're trapped. There's nothing to do here but eat and sleep. - Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me. you have a
ga860923 -- very brave friend here.
ga860924 -- This pet shop life isn't so bad. It's kind of like camp. - Oh, it has drawbacks, believe me. Name one. - You bunk with the lizard. I'm getting the drift.
ga860925 -- I tell you, friend, living in a pet shop is dehumanizing. There's no privacy. The overcrowded conditions are deplorable. Amen. - Here's the ship ment of mice, Mrs. Ernsberger. Where do you want them? - PUT 'EM IN HERE! WE'LL TAKE'M! WE CAN
ga860925 -- MAKE ROOM!
ga860926 -- GARFIELD! ODIE! JON! The cat and dog are $25 for the pair. - - I'll give you 20. You're going to regret that one, Jon.
ga860927 -- What a surprise to find you guys in a pet shop! - I would have never thought to look there. Then what were you?... - Forget it I'd rather not know.
ga860928 -- Home's where you can scratch where it itches. - HOME! - It's great to be home! Home is truly where the heart is! - I even love the little imperfections that give it personality... - This little squeaky place in the floor. SQUIK SQUIK - The
ga860928 -- dripping faucets, the peeling wallpaper. - The cracking paint, leaking roof...termintes,...dry rot... - This place is a dump!
ga860929 -- Whew! Boy is my breath bad this morning. - It must have been that sandwich I ate before bed last night. - Or possibly that block of goat cheese.
ga860930 -- I gotta find something for this bad breath. - Aha! - Your breath smells funny. Yours would too if you gargled with after-shave.
ga861001 -- There's all kind of neat stuff in here. - Deodorant. I know what this is for. - sssssss
ga861002 -- BZZZZ - CLICK - PLaying with my electric razor, Garfield? Never mind.
ga861003 -- GARFIELD! - YOU'RE USING MY TOOTHBRUSH! Stick around. You can watch me floss. - IS NOTHIG SACRED?! Where's that mouthwash?
ga861004 -- Rats, what happened to the maple syrup? - Now I remember...the syrup bottle sprang a leak. - So I poured it in Jon's hair tonic bottle.
ga861005 -- Oh, Garfield? Get your face outta my place. - You're going to exercise today, Garfield. NO! - YOU'RE GOING TO EXERCISE, OR ELSE! IT'S A FREE COUNTRY! I'M FREE TO Be OUT OF SHAPE! - We're going jogging! NO! - We're playing tennis! NO! BONK! -
ga861005 -- We're doing push-ups! NO! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! - OKAY! YOU WIN! An empty victory, But a victory none the less.
ga861006 -- - - THUD This has possibilities.
ga861007 -- - - Drive-thru restaurants are so convenient.
ga861008 -- - -
ga861009 -- - BLAM! -
ga861010 -- Gimme that! - I have plans for this radio controlled tank. - We'll take no prisoners.
ga861011 -- How cute, a toy tank. - BLAM! - Sorry about that. But, we had reason to believe your tuna casserole was leaking troop movement information to the enemy.
ga861012 -- I'm going to get Garfield to jog with me today by attacking his pride. - Hey, Garfield, I was going to challenge you to a race, but I decided not to humiliate you. You're too fat and out of shape to outrun a garden slug. - OH YEAH?! YOU'RE
ga861012 -- ON! My psychology is working! - GET ON YOUR MARK! GET SET! - G=! SLAM! - CLICK - There is never a need to outrun anything you can outwit.
ga861013 -- Z - CRASH! DONK! WHAP! - The monday paper.
ga861014 -- - Why, hello, Garfield. Where have you been all day? purrr - Under your car.
ga861015 -- STOMP! - PUSH - POOMP!
ga861016 -- Garfield! You're not going to believe this! I was in a bakery today buying a cake when three midgets in gorilla costumes raced in, se tthe place on fire and ran out with the cash register! Wow! - Come on, Jon, Don't spare the details! -
ga861016 -- Chocolate or vanilla frosting?
ga861017 -- Today I will demonstrate "deep-knee-kricks". - This is one I'm sure just about all of you can do. - KRICK KRICK
ga861018 -- sigh - Anybody can exercise... - But this kind of lethargy takes REAL discipline.
ga861019 -- - SLUUUCK - - - - SPLOOSH! - I assume there's a reason for this. I'd like to get your assessment of the possibility of blueberry pancakes for breakfast.
ga861020 -- I'm ready this time. - Come on, monday, do your worst. - Garfield, we're going to see the vet today. Arrrghh!
ga861021 -- Tell me something, doc. - Why is it every time I bring a hoseplant home, Garfield eats it? - Given the shape he's in, it's one of the few things in his diet that can't outrun him. She's a funny lady.
ga861022 -- Give me one good reason why you won't go out with me, doc. - You're obnoxious, pushy, wishy-washy, slow-witted and boring. - Oh yeah? Well give me a second reason.
ga861023 -- Just what would I have to do to get you to go out with me, doc? - Stand on your head and scream like a chicken, for starters. - BUCK-BUCK-BUC-KAW! Dignity is not in this man's vocabulary.
ga861024 -- Look, Jon. My boyfriend wouldn't like it if he knew you were trying to ask me out. Oh, yeah? What's his name. - Nick "The Mangler" Scarlotti. Oooo! I'm impressed! - I AM impressed.
ga861025 -- How old is your cat, Mr. Arbuckle? - He's eight. Really? He doesn't look that old. - He shouldn't. He's only been awake for about two of those years. Is it any wonder I hate him?
ga861026 -- Oh oh! Jon has that "we're going to the vet" look. - I'm glad I don't have to get a dog shot. - I only have to get a little kitty shot, but you have to get a dog shot. - The dog shot needles are this long and real thick. - NEXT! - Okay, let's
ga861026 -- do the dog shot first. - There, that wasn't bad, was it? - Now for the kitty shot. Inside, I'm screaming.
ga861027 -- Sigh. - I don't think I could bear to see Odie pushed off the table today. - Therefore... push
ga861028 -- And now a word from our sponsor. - We guarantee in writing that, if you buy our products, we will make mor emoney than you do. - Refreshingly direct.
ga861029 -- Let's see...we have everything for the beach except a beach ball. - HEY, GARFIELD! BRING SOMETHING WE CAN KICK AROUND IN THE SURF! - Without even looking around, I know I should have rephrased that.
ga861030 -- Make yourself useful, Garfield. Here's an air mattress and an instruction sheet. - Unroll and lay flat. I can handle that. -
ga861031 -- - Remember, Garfield, there is no greater failing than apathy. - So what?
ga861101 -- Garfield, you're a pearl. Why, thank you, Jon. - And do you know how pearls are formed in oysters? Howzat? - THROUGH CONSTANT IRRITATION! Jon must not be happy with me.
ga861102 -- No fern is too tough for the Caped Avenger (urp!) - Steady, boy. Steady. - Okay, Odie. Let's ee if you're worthy of being the Caped Avenger's high performance mode of transportation! - FASTER! - FASTER! - ZIP! STOP! - Seat belt...the Caped
ga861102 -- Avenger needs a seat belt.
ga861103 -- GO! GO! GO! - Garfield, that monster shark just ate Tokyo. Why are you cheering for it? - Anything that eats everything can't be all bad.
ga861104 -- - And what are YOU supposed to be? - Anothe rhapless bather falls prey to the tiger shark.
ga861105 -- The cunning tiger shark, the world's most efficient eating machine with the world's most vocarious appetite, spies a helpless feast! - FEEDINF FRENZY! - ptoo! Yuck! Anchovies!
ga861106 -- I suppose you think you look like a shark. You got it, buster. - Well you don't look anything like a shark! Oh, yeah? - Well just wait until my fin comes back from the cleaners!
ga861107 -- - CHOMP MUNCH GULP - Just when you thought it was safe to have breakfast...
ga861108 -- As the shark approaches his prey, he senses something amiss. - Oh, yeah, water! Sharks need water! -
ga861109 -- Happy people must know something we don't. - What's this? - Why, thank you, Garfield. - DOG FOOD! QUICK! GIMME SOMETHING TO DRINK! - HOT SAUCE! I'M BURNING UP! - GLUG GLUG GLUG - GOLDFISH WATER! ANTIDOTE! ANTIDOTE! - AARRGH! ANCHOVIES!! This
ga861109 -- could go on for days.
ga861110 -- Self-indulgence. - There's a message in those great words. - If you don't indulge yourself...nobody will.
ga861111 -- - POOMP! - Business lunch.
ga861112 -- Hey, Garfield, do you know what time it is? Lunch time? - It's time for fun with static electricity! - The man is a laugh riot.
ga861113 -- Bus Stop Here it comes. - It's slowing down! Jon, you're so insecure. - Look at that, Garfield! A whole bus stopped just for me! You're a heavyweight, all right.
ga861114 -- - ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'LL GET YOUR BREAKFAST! - sob sob Cracked like an egg.
ga861115 -- Garfield, why can't you catch mice like other cats? - - Sorry. I always like to give him a second to retract his stupid statements before I hurt him.
ga861116 -- AROOOO! - AROOOO - AROOOOoooooo Odie needs something to occupy his time. - This television should shut him up. AROO - AROOO* - -
ga861117 -- Good morning, Garfield. - Z - I hate monday morning pep talks. Z
ga861118 -- AHA! GOTCHA! - It's time for your flea spray. Now don't give me any trouble. Just sit there. - PSSSSSSs That's my boy.
ga861119 -- Okay, mouse! I know you're behind that box! Come out with your hands up! - -
ga861120 -- GARFIELD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! scratch scratch scratch - - Your chair has an itch.
ga861121 -- Z - This looks like a nice place... Z - for a nap. Z
ga861122 -- Look, Garfield. I got you a water bed! - Water beds are all the rage, right? You always wanted a water bed, right? Right. - But a hot water bottle in a box?
ga861123 -- Odie, come here, boy. I have a wet surprise for you. - - KNOCK KNOCK - OH, NO! WET PETS! - MY CHAIR! - GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! - ARRRRGH! - Sob. There's a proud man, Odie. He won't let us see him cry.
ga861124 -- You think too much about food, Garfield. You need a distraction. - Try reading a book. Novel idea. - COOK BOOK
ga861125 -- I have a special surprise for you today, Garfield! - Generic cat food. - Then feed it to a generic cat! toing SPLAT!
ga861126 -- You know, Garfield, you should really be thankful for the food you eat. - I am, Jon. I am. - I'm also thankful for the food you eat.
ga861127 -- Isn't life great, Garfield? We should count our blessings. - ZIP! - Whew! They're all there!
ga861128 -- Garfield, did you eat my jelly fille ddoughnut? - It was like this, Jon. It happened to be a rogue doughnut wounded in a jungle bakery. - Crazed with fear and pain, it charged my mouth and I was forced to eat it in self-defense. It's times
ga861128 -- like this I wish I understood him.
ga861129 -- I'M HOME! - Hi, Garfield. You're so nice to come home to!
ga861130 -- NUTS! STUCK AGAIN! - HEY, GARFIELD, DINNER! - SCREEE - GULP - Garfield, you can't still be hungry. - You have to lose weight. No mor efood until breakfast. - Do you really want that, Jon? Do you know what happens to skinny people? - THEY
ga861130 -- BECOME MIMES, JON. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!! A MIME?!
ga861201 -- I think I'll take a short nap. - Hee hee hee. - Whoever heard of a tall nap?
ga861202 -- If the early bird gets the worm, then the early cat should get the bird. - So I'll just step outside and get an... - EARLY DOG!
ga861203 -- YAWN - smack smack smack - I wish Jon would warn me before he turns the firnace on.
ga861204 -- - Some people lose weight. - I just give it a temporary leave of absence.
ga861205 -- - Odie isn't exactly the brightest dog around. - His I-Q- is so low, you can't test it. You have to dig for it.
ga861206 -- - MEOW! - meow meow meow meow meow Echo.
ga861207 -- - YIP! YIP! YIP! - BONK! - - FFFFT - thock! -
ga861208 -- Hey, Garfield, I've decided to throw a party. - I'll invite all of my friends. - I'd better start making plans. ...and friends.
ga861209 -- Hello, Liz? This is Jon Arbuckle. - I'm throwing a little party this weekend and I...excuse me? - Do you mean that literally or figuratively? Literally has my vote.
ga861210 -- Well, Garfield, what do you think of my party outfit? I like it. - It makes a statement. - And that statement is, "I'm a nerd".
ga861211 -- You're going to look great for the party. - Hey, Garfield, what do you think of Odie's costume? - It's just screaming for accessories.
ga861212 -- It's 9:30 and nobody's shown up for my party. What do we do now? - - Okay, food, my tongue's leaving town in 15 minutes. Be on it!
ga861213 -- I can't understand why no one came to my perty. Surely they got the invitations. - I told Odie to take them to the mailbox 3 days ago. - But did you tell him to put tehm IN the mailbox?
ga861214 -- Garfield, don't eat this food. It's for my party. - - Okay, Odie. Take these party invitations and put them in the mailbox. - - - Come on, Garfield. The social event of the season has arrived. DING DONG - I was expecting the upper crust. And
ga861214 -- you got the crumbs.
ga861215 -- Good morning, Pooky. - Teddy bears are great to sleep with. - No morning breath.
ga861216 -- - SQUEEZE -
ga861217 -- HA, HA, HA! YOU SQUEEZED POOKY TOO HARD HUH? THAT's HYSTERICAL! - SQUEEZE -
ga861218 -- - SQUEEZE - ARRRGH!
ga861219 -- Good news, Garfield. - I completely restuffed Pooky for you. -
ga861220 -- You know, with Pooky overstuffed like that, you two make a good match. - Like father, like son, eh? -
ga861221 -- Sign here, mister. - Hey, Garfield. I got an aluminium tree this year. No more mess. No more tradition. - And for splash and dash, it turns in an electric stand! Is nothing sacred? - If it's splash and dash Jon wants, this blender would make
ga861221 -- a keen tree stand. - Ready for me to plug the tree in, Garfield? Give me a head start! - WHIRRRR ARRRRGH! HEY, JON! WANT MORE DASH? TRY LIQUEFY!
ga861222 -- Get out of my way, Odie. I'm trying to wrap presents. - -
ga861223 -- Good evening, folks. I'd like to start by signing a few Christmas carols! - SPLUT! BLAT! SPLAT! - Critics don't even take the holidays off.
ga861224 -- Well, the gifts are under the tree and the food is prepared. There's only one more order of business... - I just want to tell you guys how much I love you. - Jon is like Christmas. I only appreciate him once a year.
ga861225 -- WAKE UP, BOYS! IT'S CHRISTMAS MORNING! - Let's see if Santa brought gifts for all the good little children. - I guess not. Here's one for Garfield. What the heck, it's Christmas. I'll let him live.
ga861226 -- The day after Christmas I always get drepressed. - Do you know what I mean, Garfield? Yes, I do. - If I were you I'd be depressed every day.
ga861227 -- What a dippy sweater. - It's not the gift, but thought that counts. - Okay, okay, I THINK it's a dippy sweater.
ga861228 -- EEK! - Here he is! Z - Excuse us, Mr. Cat. We desire cheese. - We can't sleep without our cheese. - And if we can't sleep, you won't sleep. - All right! All right! - Here, if there's nothing else, I'd like to get some sleep. - You wouldn't
ga861228 -- happen to have tiny little forks would you? Here's where I turn vicious.
ga861229 -- CAT HAIRS! They're a face of life. - THERE ARE CAT HAIRS ALL OVER THE PLACE! So, what are you going to do about it? - I'll be packing my bags and leaving now.
ga861230 -- Wherever I stop, we're stuck with it. Right, Garfield? Right. - The things Jon will do for excitement... - click click click click Television roulette.
ga861231 -- You guys will never guess what I found at the store. - PHONY THE TEETH! - HAR! HAR! HAR! HAR! Let's bite him in the neck.
ga870101 -- It's time to clean the fridge, Garfield. I'll call a S.W.A.T. team. - Grim. - I haven't seen these olives in years. And it's only halfway back.
ga870102 -- You're a very brave cat, Garfield, and I know you want me to be proud of you. - ZOOM! - He can smell a visit to the vet a mile away.
ga870103 -- POOKY! - HOW DARE YOU HARM MY TEDDY BEAR! pop - BAP BAP BAP BAP BAP
ga870104 -- YAWN - ALL RIGHT! SNOW! - I love the first snow of the year. - WHOAAA! - FUMP! - BLAT! SPLAT! BOP! - Did you enjoy the snow, Garfield? Quite...I'm ready for summer snow.
ga870105 -- Attention, lounge lizards! This is your week in the sun. Today we begin celebrating "National Lazy Week"! - What's so great about being lazy, you say? - What if war were declared and nobody showed?
ga870106 -- Is National Lazy Week for you? Ask yourself this: - Would you be willing to lead a parade in celebration of the lazy life? - If the answer is yes...you're all wrong for Lazy Week.
ga870107 -- Never confuse being lazy with being apathetic. We lazy people are not apathetic. - Apathetic people don't care about anything. - Lazy people care, we just don't do anything about it.
ga870108 -- Do people call you "worthless"? Do people call you a "couch potato"? - Why should we be held up to public ridicule just because we subscribe to a kinetically passive lifestyle. We should stand up for ourselves! - THE NEXT TIME PEOPLE CALL YOU
ga870108 -- LAZY, TELL 'EM YOU WERE SICK WHEN YOU WERE A KID!
ga870109 -- Don't forget the National Lazy Week motto, lazy people. "There must be an easier way". - Many great ideas have been spawned from that noble sentiment. - You can bet it wasn't an exercise freak who invented power steering.
ga870110 -- For those of you who want to stop abusing your bodies through fanatic exercise, but can't muster the willpower... - You can now join "Garfield's Exercisers Anonymous". - Every time you feel an uncontrollable urge to jog, I send someone over
ga870110 -- with a mug of warm milk and a tape of the Beverly Hillbillies.
ga870111 -- Waterin' down the coffee again, pilgrim? - Burp - - JON! - JON! WAKE UP! I'M HAVING NIGHTMARES! - Garfield, if you didn't stuff yourself right before going to bed, you wouldn't dream about big, ugly monsters. - Did you hear what he called you
ga870111 -- guys? - I think I'll polish off that pepperoni pizza now.
ga870112 -- Isn't this great, Garfield? We have a whole day of fishing ahead of us! Hotcha. - HEY! WHERE's THE BAIT? Bait? - GARFIELD! I thought it was sushi.
ga870113 -- Actually, Garfield is pretty easy to care for. - Cats are so clean, always primping and washing themselves. - We're out of foot powder. Almost to a fault.
ga870114 -- Ah, my dear, you're as lovely as ever, but, you look so stiff and formal in that outfit. - Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? - LIKE ME!
ga870115 -- - CHOMP! - SPRONG!
ga870116 -- Just what is an heirloom? - A heirloom is something that's been in your family for generations... - That no one's had the guts to pitch out.
ga870117 -- zzzzzzz - zzzzzzz - zzzzzz Just as I suspected.
ga870118 -- * Oh, Nermalll * - Kittens love to chase things. - CRASH! This can be a very satisfying form of enterteinmant. - BONK! Kittens also love to play catch. - But, the best way to drive them wild is to hide objects from them. - ROWR! cRUNCH! HISS!
ga870118 -- - But, not for very long.
ga870119 -- GARFIELD! WAKE UP! - I've made a decision that could alter the course of my entire life. - I have decided to grow a mustache. I suppose I could blame this on monday.
ga870120 -- Notice anything different about me, Garfield? You're not drinking out of your Binky The Clown mug. - I think my mustache is coming in rather nicely. That's not your cocoa? - Wanna touch it? It feels really weird. Hey, buddy, I have to eat
ga870120 -- with these hands!
ga870121 -- Look Odie! A hideous hairy monster is nesting under Jon's nose! - Maybe it'sll spread and cover the rest of his face. - Are you making fun of me? IT MOVED!
ga870122 -- Mustaches do strange things to people. - They make some guys think they're someone they're not. - Frankly, my dear, I don't give a darn. I don't feel safe here anymore.
ga870123 -- ARRRGH! - JON! WHAt HAPPENED? I'M FINE! GO AWAY! - ARE YOU OKAY? TELL ME! The shaver snagged my mustache, okay?
ga870124 -- I shaved my mustache off, Garfield. Do tell. - I decided it made me look like a walrus. I'm proud of you, Jon. - It takes a big walrus to admit his mistakes.
ga870125 -- How's my little buddy today? Crowded. - TAP TAP TAP - Garfield, what are you doing? - SNAP! Charades? I love charades! Let's see...first word...you? No, you're! That's it! You're! - Leg! No! Stand! You're standing in something! - Fourth word!
ga870125 -- MY! You're standing in my! - I GOT IT! FOOD! YOU'RE STANDNIG IN MY FOOD! - That was a good one. Now it's my turn. This is a movie title, okay?
ga870126 -- - - Amused, Garfield? That's "Mr. Fig Face" to you.
ga870127 -- * - *
ga870128 -- Here I am falling asleep face down in a bowl of food. - This is it. I've reached the pinnacle of laziness and gluttony...how depressing. - There's no place to go after you've reached the top.
ga870129 -- I eat too much because I'm depressed, and I'm depressed because I eat too much. - It's a vicious circle... - That took years to perfect!
ga870130 -- BANG! BANG! Hello? Anybody home? - BRINNNNNG! - Next time, use the door knocker. Sorry.
ga870131 -- - STOP RIGHT THERE! - Sometimes that's all a cat understands.
ga870201 -- Don't slobber on the controls, Mr. Odie! - WHAT HO?! - Pistachios! And they're all mine! - crack BOING! - SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF - SNORT! - SLURP! - Dogs APPEAR friendly, but, I'd hate to get caught between one and his appetite. BURP
ga870202 -- - BONK! - GARFIELD! SPEAK TO ME! Aunty Em? Is that you?
ga870203 -- Garfield! That was a nasty fall you took. Are you all right` - Garfield? Who's Garfield? - OH, nO! HE'S LOST HIS MEMORY! I do seem to rememger being hungry.
ga870204 -- Having anmesia isn't so bad. It'll be kind of fun finding out what a great guy I am. - ARRRGH! - OH, NO! I'M A CAT!
ga870205 -- Maybe seeing Odie will jog your memory. What a swell looking dog. Put 'er there. - YIP! YIP! YIP! - I woner if I'm going to like this Garfield?
ga870206 -- Look, Garfield. It's Pooky! Your favorite possession and closest friend. Do you remember Pooky? - Don't be silly. I'm a grown cat. What would I need with a teddy bear?
ga870207 -- Amnesia has wiped my slate clean. I start establishing who I am today. - - I am (burp) a glutton.
ga870208 -- Hey, stranger. This body ain't big enough for the both of us. - What a week...I fall on my head, totally lose my memory, and have no idea who this Garfield fella is. - - HANg ON! SOMETHING'S COMING BACK! - HA! HA! - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - I'm
ga870208 -- terribly sorry about that. You see, I'm not myself today.
ga870209 -- Amnesia is weird. This Garfield is like a total stranger to me. - I know nothing about him. - Aside from what the creep did to my body.
ga870210 -- This should jog your memory, Garfield... LASAGNA! - No thank you. You wouldn't have a plump, juicy mouse, wouldn't you? - ARRRGH! I'd never get this stuff out of my whiskers.
ga870211 -- You just HAVE to restore Garfield's memory, doc. - He doesn't beat up on Odie, he doesn't claw the furniture, he's not lazy and obnoxious... - Are you sure you want me to do this? Come to think of it...
ga870212 -- Let's test his reflexes. DONK! - - DOING! Normal. For Garfield.
ga870213 -- Perhaps Garfield's amnesia could be cured by lightly traumatizing his cranium. - KNOCK MY CAT ON THE HEAD?! WHO WOULD EVER DO SUCH A THING?!! - May I be of assistance? You stay out of this.
ga870214 -- Go ahead. A little tap on the head may bring your cat's memory back. DONK! - GONK! - HEY! I CAN REMEMBER! IT'S ME! GARFIELD THE CAT! Garfield? Who's Garfield?
ga870215 -- - dig dig dig dig - ? - dig dig dig - ?!! - DIG DIG DIG - pat pat pat
ga870216 -- RIIINNNGG Z - SMASH! - I hate alarm clocks.
ga870217 -- I hate spiders! - STOMP! - I hate hating spiders.
ga870218 -- - - I hate wax doughnuts.
ga870219 -- - FWANG! - I hate folding chairs.
ga870220 -- SWOOSH - BLAT! I hate windy days.
ga870221 -- Z - CRACK - I hate leg cramps.
ga870222 -- This kind of tired calls for coffee straight up. - - It's one of those mornings. - The kind of morning where you've been up for two minutes and it feels like two days. - If I can just make it to my coffee, I'll be all right. - It's in sight!
ga870222 -- Come on, Garfield! You can make it! - WHUMP! - Z So close, and yet so far.
ga870223 -- - - GOINK GOINK GOINK
ga870224 -- - MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH - PTOOEY
ga870225 -- Aw, poor doughnut, you look lonely. - You need a friend. - I have a lasagna I'd like you to meet.
ga870226 -- Can I have half of that doughnut, Garfield? - NO! GOOMP! -
ga870227 -- GARFIELD! - That's my last jelly filled doughnut! - CLAP SQUIP!
ga870228 -- What filing might you be? Jelly? Cream? - - You won't, perchance, know anything about spinach-filled doughnuts, would you?
ga870301 -- GRRROOWLL rrrr - Doughnuts! - MUNCH MUNCH CHOMP SMACK - More! I must have more! - MORE! - MOMMY! - POW - Garfield? Stop me! Stop me before I snack again!
ga870302 -- WOOF! - Back off, you dumb mutt, or I'll scratch your... - ankles off.
ga870303 -- - ARRRGH! - It was only a dream! It was only a dream! It was only a dream!
ga870304 -- Garfield, I just don't know what I see in you. It is a bit overwhelming, isn't it? - You're rude, obnoxious, fat, selfish, egotistical, and totally devoid of any charm. - I AM NOT EGOTISTICAL
ga870305 -- Arlene, I think it's time we get serious. You do? - Yes, serious about getting that gap between your teeth fixed. - The truth hurts.
ga870306 -- YAWN - ARRRRGH! -
ga870307 -- I love it when Jon loves a cake. - 'cause I get to lick the icing out of the bowl. - GARFIELD!! Of course, he'd prefer I wait till AFTER he's iced the cake.
ga870308 -- * - FFT! BANG! UGH! Rats! The washer's broken! - Com on, Garfield, we have to go to the laundromat. - NO, JON! PLEASE ANYWHERE BUT THERE. - You know what that place is like! Especially on weekends. - I'll get him for this.
ga870309 -- Garfield, you need more vegetables in your system. What are you going to do? Drive a carrot through my heart? - Here, have some spinach. OH-NO! - GASP! CHOKE! COUGH! Stop being melodramatic, Garfield.
ga870310 -- Eat your spinach, Garfield. - It's good for you. - Well, now that's more like it!
ga870311 -- Have some spinach, Garfield. - Sure, and let's garnish it with a big box of raisins. - ZIP! I HATE THEM TOO!
ga870312 -- Spinach. - It tastes bad. It looks bad. - SPLUT! It even sounds bad.
ga870313 -- Yuck! Spinach! - - Garfield! You ate all your spinach! Not really. It's in the saltshaker.
ga870314 -- I hate spinach. - It's green, it's slimy. - And it looks like it's moving.
ga870315 -- SMACK! You used all the hot water again. - La la laaah - * - - - - SLAM! - Isn't that disgusting? Just look at that, Reba! I'm looking! I'm looking!
ga870316 -- RRINNGG! - Hello? Iuh, I think you have the wrong number. - But...would you care to make it the right number, songbird? This is a lonely man here.
ga870317 -- So what's your name, sweet thing? I can't believe Jon! - How about a date? Trying to get a date with a wring number. - Tomorrow at seven? Great! A DESPARATE wrong number.
ga870318 -- Garfield, I'd like you to meet my date. - MOMMA MIA! - What's with your cat? He's, uh, terrified of daisies.
ga870319 -- Now, be nice to my date. She might be sensitive about her weight. How'd she get in here? Through the garage door? - Her name is Bertha. Figures. - She's a lovely person. You can't judge a book by it's cover, you know. And you can't judge a
ga870319 -- ship by its hull.
ga870320 -- Bertha, I'd like you to meet Garfield. - He could use some meat on his bones. - Affectionate sort, isn't he? He's a sucker for sweet talk.
ga870321 -- Think, Jon, think. There's gotta be SOMETHING nice to say to your date. - My, your teeth are round. I eat a lot. - You don't say! No! Really!
ga870322 -- Yes, sir. Table for five. - Z - - There it is! Just like I told you! Z - Hey, cat! What is the meaning of this trap? Wha...? - You realize this is a direct violation of our treaty agreement. Aw, gimme a break. - You know this means war! Look,
ga870322 -- nobody says you have to step on it. TO ARMS! TO ARMS! This should be cute. - I remember when I liked mice.
ga870323 -- Now don't make a bad impression on my date. Don't worry, Jon. I'll leave that up to you. - Ready for dinner, Bertha? - Is the sky blue? Do cats hate dogs?
ga870324 -- I think you're going to like this restaurant, Bertha. As long as they serve food. A woman after my own heart. - Would you like a table or a booth? A table, please. And the lady will have a booth. - What do you have to do to get any serive
ga870324 -- around here? You have to get to your table first. That's a stupid rule.
ga870325 -- And how would madame like her steak? - Just run the steer by the table and I'll grab off a hunk! - HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! Et tu, Garfield?
ga870326 -- Boy, I couldn't eat another bite. Would you like my... - SHOOP! - rrrr rrrr I guess we don't need a doggie bag.
ga870327 -- How was your meal, Bertha? GREAT! THANKS! SLAP! SPLUT! - Just be thankful she didn't hate it.
ga870328 -- It was nice meeting you, Bertha. I hope you had a good time. - OH, I had a wonderful time! mmmph! - How was your date? I think I made an impression on her.
ga870329 -- HA! HA! HA! HEE! HA! - - Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, naaaah * - * We're going for a walk, and you have to wear a dog coat. * - * We're gonna walk by some dogs, and they're gonna call you a nerd. * - * Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, naaaah * - Come on,
ga870329 -- Garfield, let's get ready for our walk. - Maybe lightning will strike me, and save me the humiliation.
ga870330 -- Garfield, meet the newest member of our family, Sweety Bird. - I just know you two are going to get along famously, right, Garfield? - Right, sure. Uh, would you happen to have a light for my cutting torch?
ga870331 -- Hello, I'm Sweety Bird. I sing sweet happy songs to brighten your morning. - BRIGHTEN MY MORNING?! DO YOU WANT TO BRIGHTEN MY MORNING?! - Then you can march out of that cage and crawl  between two slices of bread. JON!
ga870401 -- Garfield, do you like sweety bird? He's right up there with dogs and mondays. - You wouldn't intend him any harm, would you? I don't know what you're talking about. - Then why is he covered with clam sauce? An old family recipe.
ga870402 -- SQWAWK! - HONK! - Did we remember how to open the bird cage? Not only that, we forgot birds could fly.
ga870403 -- Hey, bird! You think you're safe out there, huh? - Well, I have a little treat for you! - Have you, perchance, ever heard a cat scream?
ga870404 -- Hey, Garfield! What are you doing out there? - And look! Sweety bird's on your head! - WHERE'S MY CAMERA? I loathe life.
ga870405 -- - - - - You know, Garfield, sharing is one of life's greates pleasures. - GULP! - I love giving people pleasure.
ga870406 -- Hurry, Garfield, the TV workout show is about to start! - You promised you''d try it. So let's go. Okay, but first answer me this... - Just how the heck am I supposed to move?
ga870407 -- GARFIELD! - YOU SHREDDED MY RUNNING SHOES! Someday you'll thank me for that, Jon. - Jogging's the disease. I'm the cure.
ga870408 -- Okay, stand up straight and put your hands on your hips. - Those of you too fat to find your hips, just give it your best guess. - I hate sarcastic fitness instructors.
ga870409 -- Now for jumping jacks on the two count. - ONE! CRASH! - Oh, by the way, before we get to two, don't try this exercise on a recently polished floor. NOW he tells me.
ga870410 -- That's good, everybody. Push up! - ...and down! - ...and up!... I was built for push-ups.
ga870411 -- No, seriously, Linda, I'm a fun guy. I do great impressions! - You do impressions too? Let's hear one. - Listen to this, Garfield, She sounds like a dial tone! This man has no brain.
ga870412 -- The lone gourmet strikes again. - TAP! TAP! - YAWN - You go out and play, Pooky. - ZIP! WHAT tHE...? - HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! I'M NAILED TO MY BED! - WHA?!! - I suppose this was for putting the lizard in your shoe? Now we're even.
ga870413 -- You're a slob, Garfield, Why can't you stay as clean as other cats? - You're supposed to wash yourself like this. Oh, very well. - Start with this arm and make it snappy. You have a lot of territory to cover.
ga870414 -- - - See anything you like?
ga870415 -- Do you know what I hate most about this bed? - UNNNGH! - Trying to sleep on my back.
ga870416 -- It's time to get up. - CREAK! CRACK! - It's also time to go on and diet.
ga870417 -- OH, NO! YOU CHEWED UP MY NEWSPAPER AGAIN! - Hey! This isn't the paper I get. It must belong to a neighbor. - KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! A 250 lb. neighbor, to be precise.
ga870418 -- Thin ice --> - SPLOOSH! - Hexy! THIS ice isn't thin! - Neither are you.
ga870419 -- I hate 3-D movies. - Here, Odie! Here, boy! - I'll throw the bone and you fetch it, okay, boy? Arf! - There it goes! - Odie just fell for the oldest trick in the book. - ZIP! WHUMP - Now what kind of dog would have a bone that big? - Oh, THAT
ga870419 -- kind of dog.
ga870420 -- This is a perfect day to stay in bed and contemplate life's truths. - Yip! Yip! BRINNNG! GET UP, GARFIELD! - Truths like: "mondays stink".
ga870421 -- Life has many good things to offer: music, art, literature... - Sometimes I think about educating myself on those subjects... - But then I tihnk, "stick with what you know".
ga870422 -- How did you get to be so lazy, Garfield? - Brains, hard work, tenacity and dedication. You're not just born lazy, you know. It's an acquired skill... - I'm sorry I asked. ...an art form if you will, not unlike poetry, dance or music.
ga870423 -- Here comes the mailman, Garfield. I want you to be on your best behavior. - ROWRR! - I must admit, that was one of my better behaviors.
ga870424 -- I ate too much. - I'll probably get another sermon from Jon. - Garfield, you eat too much. I was hoping you wouldn't notice.
ga870425 -- screeee And just what are you doing? - SWIPE! - Your turn. YOU GOTTA JUSTIFY EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?!
ga870426 -- Where did you find the brain, Nermal...at a garage sale?! - - Rats...bees. - - Buzz off, bees. This is my territory. Z?! - The old "big bee" routine works every time. - ZZZZZ - ZZZZZZ
ga870427 -- It was high noon when the stranger rode into town. - Now comes my favorite part... - He hitched up his horse and ambled into the saloon.
ga870428 -- I am hungry. - Therefore I am. - Rationalizing another bout with gluttony, Garfield. I don't discuss philosophy with pea brains.
ga870429 -- Now I lay me down to sleep... - Hold that thought... - I think I heard Garfield open the refrigerator door.
ga870430 -- JON! JON! WAKE UP! IT'S HORRIBLE! IT'S AWFUL! YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING! - WHA tIS IT, GARFIELD?! IS THE HOUSE ON FIRE?! IS THERE A BURGLAR?! WORSE!!! - I have hunger pangs!
ga870501 -- I love this feeling of power. - - Now I want to watch a cooking show! click
ga870502 -- Ah, I see Jon placed a pie on his windowsill to tempt me. - Well, let it be known I'm capable of resisting all temptations! - I just don't choose to.
ga870503 -- Ouch! Where did the mailman get chain mail socks? - All right! It's here! - Look, Garfield! It's the world's largest balloon! We'll see about that. - Uh...that's pretty big, Garfield, You ain't seen nothing yet. fuh! fuh! fuh! - Garfield?!
ga870503 -- fuh! fuh! fuh! fuh! fuh! - THAT'S ENOUGH, GARFIELD! fuh! fuh! fuh! Never! fuh! fuh! fuh! - Tie it off! Tie it off! It's either me or tihs balloon!
ga870504 -- Aha! So Jon's trying to sneak off on vacation without me, huh? - He'll have quite a surprise in store for him. - Who says nothing good ever happens on a monday?
ga870505 -- Laziness and procrastination go hand in hand. - See this hair? - It's cat hair I never got around to shedding last year.
ga870506 -- - Huh, the stereo's all the way up, and there's no sound. - I'd better tell Jon.
ga870507 -- You know, Garfield, they say inside every fat person there's a thin person trying to get out. - I know what you mean. - Mine escaped about nine years ago and I haven't seen him since.
ga870508 -- Hey, Garfield, the gang and I wanted to give you a gift of appreciation. How sweet! - Why the show of affection? We just like having you around. - Besides, if you left, Jon might get a REAL cat!
ga870509 -- How about a nice quiet breakfast for two, Garfield? Great idea! - SLAM! click - Sometimes Jon can be so thoughtful
ga870510 -- Come on, Odie. There's no reason to be afraid of the dark. - - Just look at this! Someone has left the cellar door open! - Jon has told me a hundred times to keep it closed. - Or somebody might get hurt. SLAM! - thump thump thump thump thump
ga870510 -- thump BONK! - Sorry about that, Jon.
ga870511 -- I'm hungry! Patience, Garfield. - It's time you learn a little patience. - Patience is waiting for the pizza to thaw.
ga870512 -- Look at that stomach, Garfield. That's disgusting! - I'm putting you on a diet. - Rat fink.
ga870513 -- Hello, diet. Goodbye, food. - ERRRK! - Hello, sugar withdrawal.
ga870514 -- Okay, Odie, I heard you dogs are supposed to be good at tracking things. Maybe you can help me... - Here's a picture of a lasagna. Now get it, Odie! Get it! - Grrrrrr!
ga870515 -- I've only been on this diet for two days and I feel thinner already. - - It must be a delayed reflection.
ga870516 -- Fat's a funny thing. You never lose it from the right places. - - Fat has a sick sense of humor.
ga870517 -- Stop being so melodramatic, Garfield, You've only been on your diet for ten minutes. - Z - Mmm, food! - I love food. - GARFIELD! YOUR EATING IS OUT OF CONTROL! - More food! - More trainloads of food! Air-drop food into my mouth! More cattle!
ga870517 -- Hurry! I'm hungry! - Ahhh! Dessert! - POOF! - The only good thing about a diet is the great dreams.
ga870518 -- Boy, I wish I had a fifty pound pan of lasagna. - KRONG!!! - Now wouldn't you think I'd know better than to make a wish like that on a monday.
ga870519 -- There are many ways to make a diet more appealing. - Some say it helps to dress your food up. - I say it still looks like celery.
ga870520 -- I hate diets. - They're morally wrong. - A stomach is a terrible thing to waste.
ga870521 -- OH, GARFIELD! - You've done so well on your diet I'm giving you a treat. - OH MY GOSH! I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO EAT!
ga870522 -- Let me put it this way...have you ever considered a career as a river barge? - Your mother was a blender. - That hurt.
ga870523 -- Come on, take a chance, weigh yourself! I'll be kind! Trust me! - BOY! ARE YOU FAT! - Not to mention gullible, too.
ga870524 -- How about some fine cuisine en boite this evening, my dear? That's French for "food in a can". - KNOCK KNOCK - Good evening, Lori, my dear. Our dinner awaits. - Your steak, madam. pant pant pant - ODIE! GET OUT OF HERE! - rrrrr GIMME THAT! -
ga870524 -- LET GO! LET GO! LET GO! - AYIIIIEEEEE!!! What's with her? Pet hater.
ga870525 -- Guess what I got at a garage sale today, Garfield? You got my attention. - Tah-dah! - Isn't it great? That diet must've been murder, huh, fella?
ga870526 -- I can't believe Jon actually bought that thing. What good is it it? - - MA! COME QUICK! THE COW'S SICK!
ga870527 -- Hey, mom, guess what I got at a garage sale? - I bought one of those cow skulls like you see in the old westerns. Behind you, Jon! - Hang on, mom, I think I'm about to scream or something.
ga870528 -- Garfield, did you know everything evolves from a lower life form? I didn't know that? - Why, of course! It all makes sense now! - Rocks evolved from dogs!
ga870529 -- GARFIELD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! - I'm unraveling your dental floss. - I HATE THAT! Oh, very well, Tomorrow we'll do something you like.
ga870530 -- Here you go, Garfield! - CRUNCH! - It doesn't have much of a sense of humor, does it?
ga870531 -- - - * - - - -
ga870601 -- Z - ZZZ-ZZF-ZZZ-ZZ - Must be monday ZZZ-ZZF-ZZZ-ZZF-ZZZ-
ga870602 -- You know, Garfield... - I wouldn't say you're fat, but... - Then don't.
ga870603 -- I bought you a surprise today, Garfield! - It's a sweater made especially for you! Wide Load -
ga870604 -- YAWN - - I think the old blanket is due for a wash.
ga870605 -- We cats love to roam around in the dark. - Our keen eyesight allows us to see perfectly in the blackest of... - click I think I'll curl up and die now.
ga870606 -- Here's something a little different for dinner tonight, Garfield. - I'm putting you on a high-fiber diet. -
ga870607 -- Let me guess. There's another spider in the house. - - ARRRRGH! - GARFIELD! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE NEAR THE DOOR?! - I'M SICK OF TRIPPING OVER YOU! All right! All right! - Why does this always happen to me? - ARRRRGH! - HOW
ga870607 -- MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM?! I can't win.
ga870608 -- Normally, I hate alarm clocks. - But this one I like. - It's broken.
ga870609 -- - WOOAAH! trip - GARFIELD! Watch where you're going! - Why don't YOU watch where I'm going?
ga870610 -- A spider! - YIPE! - Whew!
ga870611 -- Oh, Jon, may I borrow your book for just a moment? - WHAP! - Thank you so much. Anytime.
ga870612 -- Tell me, Garfield. - If nature is goverend by survival of the fittest... - HOW COME YOU'RE STILL AROUND?! I stay out of drafts.
ga870613 -- Z You're pathetic, Garfield. - What am I going to do with you? - Well, for starters, you could occasionally wake me and remind me to swallow. Help me.
ga870614 -- CRUNCH - YAWN - Z - Z Z - Z PUNT! - Z - Yawn. I had the most wonderful dream last night. - WHUMP!
ga870615 -- Yawn-well let's see what kind of day today is... - CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK CRICK - It's a nine cricker.
ga870616 -- - I could look like this if I wanted to. - But, I don't have enough hands.
ga870617 -- Hey, Garfield, you're going to be nine years old this friday. Thanks for reminding me. - As cats go, you're approaching the golden years. - The heck with the golden years. I'm five and holding.
ga870618 -- What's the matter, Garfield? Feeling your years now that you're turning nine? - Come closer, my son. I'm having trouble hearing you. - SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
ga870619 -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GARFIELD!! That sure is a lot of candles. - Oh well, I should be happy to have a birthday, I guess. fffff - As opposed to the alternative.
ga870620 -- Yup. - I'm nine years old all right. - According to the rings under my eyes.
ga870621 -- I hate it when Odie plays by my rules. - Sigh...time to wake up and go to bed. - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - - - YAWN - It must have been something I ate.
ga870622 -- - POOMP! - BLAT! SQUIRT!
ga870623 -- - YEEEOW! I'm hungry. SWIPE - THAt HURT!! I'll say...I think I broke a nail.
ga870624 -- There you go, Garfield. Eat heartly! - Dry cat food and hose water. - Be still, my beating taste hurts.
ga870625 -- Garfield, we're out of cat food. How about dog food instead? - Let me put it this way, it's either dog food or nothing. - Arf. I'll get it.
ga870626 -- Look, Garfield, I don't care if you think it tastes awful. You'd better eat that because you're not getting anything else! - SPLUT! - Hmmm...he's right. It DOES taste pretty awful.
ga870627 -- Do you know how to get a finicky cat to heat his cat food? - Pretend you're going to take it away from him. - It works every time.
ga870628 -- You're going on a diet, Jon! NO! NO! - Z - Z - Z - SNORT. WHA?!! - GARFIELD, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP! WHAT DO YOU WANT? - What every other cat in the world wants from its owner at 3:00 A.M. - My teddy bear!
ga870629 -- FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP - Just as I thought, june 29, 1987. - "The World's Longest Monday".
ga870630 -- Garfield! You fixed my funny glasses! Yup. - How did you do it? I used glue. - HEY! THEY'RE STUCK TO MY FACE! Gee, Jon, I guess this means I'll never be able to take you seriously again.
ga870701 -- I'd like to buy some glue solvent. Is this a holdup? - No, you see, my cat glued these glasses to my face. Your cat? - Sounds silly, huh? Not at all...hello, police?
ga870702 -- FLEA SPRAY TO THE RESCUE! - SSSSSSS - Oops, this is my deodorant. Great, I'd hate to think I was offending them.
ga870703 -- Look Garfield, I bought you a rubber mouse. What's that for? - You can chase it, toss it in the air, stalk it and pounce on it. Yes? - Oh, forget it. Maybe it plays music or something.
ga870704 -- RAOW! RAOW! RAOW! You know, I wonder what a dog would do with a cat if it ever caught one? - SCREEEE Okay, mutt! You caught me! Now what are you going to do with me?! - Next time I lead, all right?
ga870705 -- No Soliciting Attack Cat On Duty - - Okay, Odie, now for a lesson in home plumbing. - All the water lines in this house are connected. - Thusly, if I turn the hot water on here, there will no longer be hot water in Jon's shower. - Observer. -
ga870705 -- YEOWWW! - GET OFF THAT SINK! Ain't science great?
ga870706 -- GULP MUNCH GOBBLE SMACK GLUB SLURP SNARF - BURP - And people say dinner conversation is a lost art.
ga870707 -- Hey, gang, the cat's away! - * ** - That oughta make'm paranoid.
ga870708 -- I'm depressed, Garfield, Hang on. I have just the thing. - This should cheer you up. - And, of course, misery loves company.
ga870709 -- Pizza is friendy and bananas are funny. - Peaches love to be squeezed and peas occasionally pop in. - I love food with personality.
ga870710 -- Hehwo, widdle puddy tat! - Is'm widdle puddy tat a nicey wicey puddy tat? - Excuse me while nicey wicey puddy tat takes a barfy warfy in the grassy wassy.
ga870711 -- Bye-bye, puddy tat. - The next person to talk baby talk to me gets his clock cleaned. - Why, hehwo widdle puddy tat!
ga870712 -- Odie washes and I dry. - Sigh. - - - PANT PANT PANT SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH PANT -
ga870713 -- Remember to look both ways before crossing the street, Odie. - SCREEE - The point, of course, being to see if there are any cars coming.
ga870714 -- Are you ready for the opera, Steven? - click - Why did you change the program? La-la-laaah. It wasn't insulting to my intelligence any more.
ga870715 -- * - ROWR! - Garfield's sick this morning, he asked me to fill in for him.
ga870716 -- LEAVE THAT FERN ALONE! DO YOU HEAR ME?! - Good heavens, you really ARE listening to me. Could it be you're starting to respect me? - Let's see you make that little thing that hangs down in the back of your throat dance around again!
ga870717 -- I saw this science fiction movie last night about vegetables who imitated other life-forms. - I turned it off... - I watch TV to escape.
ga870718 -- Hey, Garfield. Wanna go running this morning? You've got to be kidding. - Hard breathing can cause brain damage. - pant pant pant I rest my case.
ga870719 -- - This could be any refrigerator, maybe yours. - Deep within the frozen wastes it lurks. - Ancient mayonnaise, fossilized cabbage, slowly mutating over untold eons, gradually achieving consciousness... - Until that terrible day when it is
ga870719 -- unleashed upon an unsuspecting world. - THE COLESAW THAT TIME FORGOT! AYIEEE! - Cute, Garfield. Now finish cleaning out the refrigerator. Quiet, fool! You'll awaken the sleeping spuds from the planet fungus.
ga870720 -- Ah, a nice sumptuous meal all alone... - And Garfield nowhere in sight. - And that worries me.
ga870721 -- I'm going to let you decide what to do today, Pooky... - poomp - Not much for talk, but, what an idea man!
ga870722 -- You'd lose some weight if you'd exercise, Garfield. - - Maybe if I breathed a little deeper.
ga870723 -- I'm bored...I hate boredom. - Hurry, Garfield! A quilting bee special is comoing on the television! - And then some people revel in it.
ga870724 -- Cats can stop in an instant. - - Provided that instant isn't on a throw rug.
ga870725 -- I can understand why you watch TV to escape, Garfield, You have so mucht to escape... - The 12 hour naps, the free room and board, the nonstop snacking. - The srcasm, Jon. You forgot the endless sarcasm.
ga870726 -- My zest for life must be a quart low. - Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and his trained dog will now perform for you. - Do a back flip, Odie. - Beg, Odie. - Roll over, Odie. - GARFIELD! DINNER! - Burp, boy, great dinner. - Now where's Odie?
ga870727 -- Let's go fishing, Garfield. - Well, what do you think? I think you're right. - Fish paralyzed by hysterical fits of laughter probably ARE easier to catch.
ga870728 -- Got my equipment, got my flies. Let's go fishing! - Hang on, Garfield! - My body is hooked to the drapes. - This is going to be a long day.
ga870729 -- Poor little worms, waiting to be skewered on Jon's hook and then fed to some vicious fish. Well it's not right! - YOU'RE FREE! YOU'RE FREE! - Swimming must not be one of their strong suits.
ga870730 -- Remember, Garfield, the key to fishing is patience., the ability to remain motionless for hours. - Garfield? Z That's my boy.
ga870731 -- Well, Garfield, what do you think of fishing so far? - I like it? - Where else can you take a three-hor nap and call it sport?
ga870801 -- Catch anything, boys? - Yeah, but we threw 'em back. - They were in danger of being eaten by the bait.
ga870802 -- - Hello, plants. Oh no! Shoo! Scat! - Well, let's see what's on the menu today. Mrs Brown! There's a cat out here! - I think I'll start with a salad. NOOO! RUN, HAROLD! RUN! - GLOMP HAROOLD! WE GOT HAROLD! - burp Oh, Ralph! What will we do?!
ga870802 -- Stay calm, Tammy. I'll jump of the sill and run for help! - Now for dessert. Hurry, Ralph! Hurry! I think I broke something!
ga870803 -- Let's go for a walk, Garfield. It's good exercise. - Even a short walk is better than no walk at all. You're right. - Start with the kitchen and back.
ga870804 -- I am an artist. - SCHOONK! - I eat what I see.
ga870805 -- tap tap tap - Well, well, well, and just how did you get in there? - Would you believe hours and hours of careful planning?
ga870806 -- Get up, Garfield, Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know. - You're quite right, Jon. I couldn't agree with you more. - Now, be a good boy and bring it back at noon.
ga870807 -- You know, Garfield, life is like a bowl of cherries. - - Let down your guard, and I'll get you. You're going to pay for this one.
ga870808 -- Hey, Garfield, they're developing computers with artificial intelligence. Big deal. - - I'll be impressed when they invent artificial cunning.
ga870809 -- CLICK! - - CLICK! - FLIP NNNNNG - UNNNGH WHAP! - SHOOP! FLOP! - SNAP! WHIP! BAP! - No wonder. This is the garage door opener.
ga870810 -- Ahhh! Coffee. NO! NO! DON'T DRINK IT, JON! - SHOOP! ARRRGH! IT'S TOO LATE. - Z THAT COFFEE WAS DECAFFEINATED, YOU FOOL!
ga870811 -- - - What does one have to do to get one's belly scratched around here?
ga870812 -- There's only one way to get rid of a free-floating guilt complex. - Do something to deserve it.
ga870813 -- We humans are lucky, Garfield. We can sing and play instruments. - You cat have no way of showing your appreciation for music. Oh, but I do. - I sold your piano.
ga870814 -- Have the last cookie, Garfield. I really couldn't. You take it. - Okay. - You twit! Don't you know insincere sincerity when you hear it?
ga870815 -- Uh-oh, it looks as though Mr. Cliche is about to unburden himself of another stale platitude. - "He who fills his pockets with the rocks of misdeeds will surely sink in the river of good fortune". - That boy wasn't born, he was found in a
ga870815 -- fortune cookie.
ga870816 -- - Is this seat taken? Not at all. - Wow! That's a big cat! He didn't look that big from the front of the bus 'cause things look smaller from far away. - You, if he had a mane he'd look like a lion, but, then they'd make him get off at the
ga870816 -- zoo, I suppose! - Zoos make me nervous. I'm never sure which side of the bars I'm on. I wonder if the animals feel that way too? - Well, I gotta change seats. You guys talk too much. I can't hear myself think. - You sure meet some characters
ga870816 -- on the bus. Watch what you say! Uranus has spies everywhere!
ga870817 -- - -
ga870818 -- I had an uncle who used to play with yarn... - He's now a pattern in an angora sweater. - You're just saying that to ruin my fun, aren't you? Can you afford to take a chance?
ga870819 -- You've got a pretty good thing going here, don't you? Yup. - Jon feeds me, strokes me, changes my kitty litter and caters to my whims. So what does HE get out of it? - He gets to call himself "Master".
ga870820 -- With each new day, a cat's curiosity must be satisfied anew. - KICK - Yup, the law of gravity is still in effect.
ga870821 -- Dear Hair Ball Cat Food Co., I find your cat food gives my cat a "long silky coat of hair" as advertised... - However, I think you should add a disclaimer. - "Do not feed your cat more than 36 cans a day."
ga870822 -- You're wasting your life away, Garfield. You should be out there...uh... - Out there doing whatever it is cats do. - That's what I like about being a cat. Our standards are low.
ga870823 -- Up next, "Pasta Parade," followed by "World of Waffles". I love this all-food channel. - I ask you...what more to life could there possibly be? - Decisions, decisions... - Should I eat first and then sleep or sleep first and then eat? -
ga870823 -- Hmmm...I usually eat first. Maybe I should sleep first for a change of pace. - On the other hand, if I sleep first, Odie might eat my food before I wake up. - * - Z
ga870824 -- Stupid pet door! - UI thought Jon fixed it! - Unnngh!
ga870825 -- Jon, remember when you thought it was a great idea to put the pet door in? - And how Odir and I could come and go as we pleased? - You goofed again.
ga870826 -- About your weight, Garfield. - You're getting a bit large for your pet door. - Do tell.
ga870827 -- PURRR - How nice! Are you rubbing against my neck to tell me how much you love me? - Or to tell me, if I don't feed you'll rip off my face? Bingo!
ga870828 -- ...and I was wondering if you'd go out with me tonight? - You say you'd rather go out with camel spittle? Zap her back! Zap her back! - "But what if your brother already has plans?" That's what I should have said! Ol' Lighning Wit strikes
ga870828 -- again.
ga870829 -- WHIRRRRRRR - WHIRRRRRR - WHIRRRRRR I love driving Odie up the wall.
ga870830 -- - - - - YANK WHIRRRR - WHIRRRR - -
ga870831 -- There's one thing I can count on from Garfield. - Nice drapes, Arbuckle. It would be a shame if someone else slashed 'em into party streamers. - Protection.
ga870901 -- I wonder how Garfield would handle an emergency? Z - FIRE! - I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
ga870902 -- Hurry, Garfield! Get to the car! - Quick! Lock the doors! Roll up the windows! - They'rfe probably watching the house right now. We'll have to move out of state! He used an expired coupon.
ga870903 -- Ah, it's so nice to own a cat. - Own? Nobody OWNS a cat. - But you may think of me as a longterm loan.
ga870904 -- Leave that station on, Garfield. It's "Hamlet". - To be or not to be. CLICK! - Hey! What are you doing?! Solving an existential dilemma with modern technology.
ga870905 -- I feel like letting my better nature show through today. - PUNT! - My worse nature is not a pretty sight.
ga870906 -- Why is it the phone only rings when I'm in the bath? Relax, one call a week isn't that bad. - BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP - That's right, Beverly, I will not go out with you tonight. - Yes, I know you're madly in love with me, but I have better
ga870906 -- things to do. - Now, now, Beverly, you know I hate it when you grovel and stop sobbing uncontrollably. - - At the sound of the tone the time will be 10:00 A.M. - BEEP Oh, shut up. You monster, how dare you break that computer's heart?
ga870907 -- Ah-ah-AH - CHOO - Bless you.
ga870908 -- Let's hear it for sleep! - Gimme a "Z"! - Z
ga870909 -- Just look at the smile on Garfield's face. Z - He must be having a great dream. Z - Z Z
ga870910 -- P-thb-thb-thb-thb! - PTHB THB -
ga870911 -- Look, Odie! I can touch my nose with my tongue! - Can you do that? -
ga870912 -- Sleep is wonderful. - What would people be without sleep? - Real tired, probably.
ga870913 -- Jon, is this one of those cult films? - One, two! One, two! One, two! - Hey, Garfield, I've noticed you're pretty out of shape. Nonsense, I watch 30 minutes of Aerobics a day. - So I bought you these jogging shoes! I hope you kept the
ga870913 -- receipt. - See? These shoes are built to absorb shocks. - WHACK! - He's right, I barely felt that. - The shoes, where are they? Last I saw 'em, they were jogging to the garbage disposal.
ga870914 -- - -
ga870915 -- Surprise, Garfield! Won't this be fun to play in? - Take it back. - There's no elevator.
ga870916 -- Odie is very special. - He was bred to be a working dog. - Specifically, a paperweight or a doorstop.
ga870917 -- Garfield, you've lost weight! - I don't believe it! -
ga870918 -- Garfield, you eat too much junk food. Eat something good for you. - - Zap...you're a carrot stick.
ga870919 -- Great chefs know it's the appearance of food that counts. - GUP! - But, great eaters know it's the amount of food that counts.
ga870920 -- No, please don't do it. In the name of humanity!! - - - - WHUMP! - Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw! - ZIP! - WHUMP! - Haw! Haw! Haw! - Reba! Come here and look at this, but you'd better cinch up your corset first!
ga870921 -- - Are you ever seriuos, Garfield? I guess not. - It's hard to be serious when you're naked!
ga870922 -- YAWN - Yawn...boredom is contagious. - - OH, NO! SO'S STUPIDITY.
ga870923 -- Send To: ACME Lasagna Factory - - Not enough postage, Garfield. Rats.
ga870924 -- Get ready to have some major youcks, you guys. - SMILE MOUTHS! - Hee hee! I'll keep him laughing while you get the authorities.
ga870925 -- Garfield, what's the matter? - JON! YOU GOTTA CLEAN OUT THE REFRIGERATOR! - Whatever it is, it can't be that bad, old buddy. The tuna is spawning in the tomato soup!
ga870926 -- Watching the paint dry, Garfield? - I hope he doesn't think that my life is so totally devoid of excitement that I am reduced to that. - I'm waiting for it to peel.
ga870927 -- - A hungry vulture perches above his prey, silently, patiently, waiting for his meal to draw its last breath. - CLICK - - CLICK STOP THAT! YOU KNOW I HATE THAT! - NO MORE VULTURES! No more vultures. - Z A voracious alligator stealthily glides
ga870927 -- toward the fingers of an unwary river traveller.
ga870928 -- Nothing is showing up on the computer radar so I'll put a nice "Mr. Sunshine" right here. - But, satellite photos show an approaching low-pressure area, so I'll put mean ol' "Mr. Thunderstorm" and his lighning bolt right here. - LOOK OUT, MR.
ga870928 -- SUNSHINE! BOOM! KABOOM! BLAM! Millions in state-of-the-art electronic equipment to gather data, and we get baby talk.
ga870929 -- Let's check the weather. - Hmmm. Looks like a good day to stay in in bed. - Mostly boring this morning with a 50% chance of intermittent depression this afternoon.
ga870930 -- Depression is waking up with the uneasy feeling the world is out to get you. - ZOW - And finding out you're right.
ga871001 -- Being depressed is bad enough. Now Jon will probably try to cheer me up with stupid platitudes. - You're depressing, Garfield. And you're fat and lazy too. - Then again, even stupid platitudes have their good points.
ga871002 -- Cheep up, Garfield. Just remember that life is just a game. - It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play that counts. - So, what are you going to do today? Forfeit.
ga871003 -- I hate those little insert cards. - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - Just as I suspected.
ga871004 -- Can we be of assistance? * - That stupid dog next door is in for a BIG surprise. - When he comes by, he will mistake the mirror for me. - Then he will attack and fall into this pit. - Then this net will fall on him. - Then this cement mixer
ga871004 -- will tip, sealing that sucker up for about ten million years. - WAIT! WAIT! GO BACK AND COME IN AGAIN!
ga871005 -- Do you always insult the people you weigh? Yes. It's a defense mechanism. - Insults compensate for my own depressions, my insecurities, my loathing for this job and my lot in life. - I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks, blubber bottom.
ga871006 -- - -
ga871007 -- Can we take a 50-mile hike today, Jon? - Huh? Can we? Can we? Can we? boing boing - You're drinking too much coffee, Garfield. Or a swim. What if we swim to Tahiti?
ga871008 -- RATS! I GIVE UP! - I'm just no good with plants. - And these were the plastic ones.
ga871009 -- I told the woman at the flower shop I was tired of you eating my plants. - She said you wouldn't harm this one. - But, I doubt it.
ga871010 -- How much do I weigh today, RX-2? - You weigh somewhere between seven and thirty-two pounds. - I have learned it is wise to give my customers a wide selection.
ga871011 -- Like the sandwich I made for you, Odie? - Hey, Garfield! Come out here! - Watch me blow this bubble. You're going to get a bang out of it. - FUH-FUH-FUH-FUH - BANG - You're right. That was fun. - HERE! YOU CHEW THE GUM THIS TIME! - That's it,
ga871011 -- fella. Blow it big. fuh-fuh - BANG - It's all in the lips.
ga871012 -- Hmm, my horoscope says I'm going to be visited by an old acquaintance today. - SPLUT - Uncanny.
ga871013 -- Ha! Missed me! - SPLUT! - Whoaa...boomerang spluts.
ga871014 -- - - SPLUT!
ga871015 -- SPLUT - CLANK! - They must be running out of ammo!
ga871016 -- Gourmands know their utensils. This is the table-spoon, the teaspoon, the soupspoon, the sugar spoon. - And my personal favorite... - Theplay spoon! toing SPLUT!
ga871017 -- Garfoield, why do you always spit the cherry pits out onto the table? - - I like a little floor show after dinner.
ga871018 -- One of these days, Arlene! One of these days...POW! To the moon! - - OH-NO! SOMEONE ATE MY DINNER! - AHA! FAT MICE! - You guys wouldn't know what happened to my dinner, would you? Oh, sure! Blame us. - It's always the mice's fault, right men?
ga871018 -- Not even a fair trial. - TYRANT! All right! I'm sorry I mentioned it. - Well I should hope so! Yeah! And next time ease up on the taco sauce! I hope they explode.
ga871019 -- YAWN Ahh...there's nothing like a good nap. - - With the possible exception of TWO good naps.
ga871020 -- The coffee's strong today. - SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP - Not only strong, but mean!
ga871021 -- Food! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways... - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... - Aren't you going to eat, Garfield? 5,743, 5,744...
ga871022 -- Z - GARFIELD! - Fall asleep in your food again? Don't ask stupid questions. Just ge the chisel.
ga871023 -- - - Sigh.
ga871024 -- In the morning, there's nothing more I enjoy than a good cup of coffee. - - As I was saying...
ga871025 -- That's not what I meant by "drop anchor", little buddy. - First things first, let's talk about me. - You see, Renee, I'm a pretty mature, suave kinda guy. - Are these yours? - Heh, het. Well...uh. They have teddy bears all over them. - What's
ga871025 -- this? A certificate of achievement from "Thumb Suckers Anonymous". - GARFIELD? - Bunny slippers?
ga871026 -- This honey has lots of options like windshield wipers and a horn. - You mean things like windshield wipers and a horn are options? - No offense, pal, but in your price range, the TIRES are optional.
ga871027 -- This car's a real steal at $ 1,900. - It has twice the luggage space of any other car in its class. - Where's the back seat? Oh, no! I'll notify the authorities.
ga871028 -- Don't go away, folks, I'll be right back. - Honest Ed seems nice enough, Garfield, but there's something about him I don't trust. - Maybe it's the fact his office is in a pickup truck with the engine running.
ga871029 -- Nice doin' business with you. And, remember, at Honest Ed's, we stand beside every car we sell. - Don't you mean you stand "behind" every car you sell? - Not with the mechanics I've got working for me! VAROOM! CRASH
ga871030 -- Cute, Garfield, Tell me the future. - You are about to become upset with your cat. - Hey, wait a minute! Where's my goldfish? It was (burp) here a minute ago.
ga871031 -- grrr yip CUT IT OUT, YOU TWO! - IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUT THERE! DOESN'T THAT GIVE YOU ANY IDEAS? - ffft! bark! yip!
ga871101 -- Honestly, Garfield, I forgot that it was decaffeinated. rrrrr - - KNEAD KNEAD KNEAD - Z Z - Oh, no!! My guilt! - Oh, well,,,I suppose I shouldn't yeall at him... - He's just doing what comes naturally for a ca- - - GARFIELD!
ga871102 -- Is that today's mail, Garfield? Yo. - Here are your personal letters, bills and catalogs. - And "Instant Millionaire" giveaways.
ga871103 -- You're lazy, Garfield. You just don't understand, do you, Jon? - In the grand scheme of things, each of us has our little niche to fill. - Through with our rationalization, are we? It's my niche time.
ga871104 -- Mornin' hon. The usual? You got it, Irma. - - Say, hon. What IS the usual? I was hoping you'd know. These people are in desperate trouble.
ga871105 -- Try this new health food for cats, Garfield. It has extra fiber. - BLUT - Just as I suspected.
ga871106 -- Wake up, Garfield. I can't move. My battery is dead. - - Sniff...hang on! I think I smell a jump start coming my way!
ga871107 -- Hey, Garfield, I looked up the word "lazy" in the dictionary and they had your picture by it. - That's a lie. - I slept through the appointment for the photo session.
ga871108 -- You awake yet? - The wild house cat spies his unsuspecting prey. - Potato chips! - Why do they make these bags so hard to open? - EERRRGGHH - NNGGNNFF SQUEEZE - KA-BLAM! - GARFIELD! WHAT HAPPENED? They oughta put warnings on those bags!
ga871109 -- Cats have just surpassed dogs as the country's favorite pets! - - Somehow the victory would have been more satisfying had the competition been stiffer.
ga871110 -- Sometimes I think I'm slowing down. - GARFIELD! DINNER! CHOOM! - But, there's still a little life left in the ol' afterburners.
ga871111 -- Garfield, you're never going to lose weight eating between the meals. There's only one thing to do. - Do you know the meaning of "willpower"? - I don't know the meaning of "between meals".
ga871112 -- Look, Odie, Jon's sleeping. Z - Mybe we should be quiet and let him rest. Z - Or we can shave his head. Z
ga871113 -- Hey, Garfield, I have a new cat food for you. - Come on, give it a try. It's not that bad. I don't know, Jon. - Something tells me it isn't that good.
ga871114 -- Life is filled with opportunities. - shake shake shake shake - PSSSSH! If you know where to look for them.
ga871115 -- Let's just say, talking during the movie is a pet peeve of mine. - Z - Garfield, you must be the slowest, laziest thing on the face of the earth. On the contrary. - I'm not slow at everything I do. - I'm the fastest eater I know. GOOSH! - I
ga871115 -- can fall asleep in an instant.... PLOP - SLURP! - BOMP! - And I have a lighning quick temper.
ga871116 -- I've really got to stop this overeating. - - How about that? I didn't think I could do it.
ga871117 -- DINNER IS... - WHOMP! - snerved.
ga871118 -- What's the matter, Garfield? Don't you feel good? That's an understatement. - Do you think it was something you ate? No... - WHANG!! It was something YOU fed me!
ga871119 -- It says this cat food is "fit for a king". - - The "king's" food taster.
ga871120 -- I, the Caped Avenger, shall seek out injustice wherever it may lurk... - And with one swift motion of my mighty hand, I will go... - Naughty, naughty, naughty!
ga871121 -- What's that number on your back for, Garfield? - It's mandatory attire for my new hobby. - Marathon sleeping.
ga871122 -- Oops! I think I've made a tiny mistake! - CRASH! - Boy, am I in a rotten mood. - Out of my way, brie breath! PUNT! - Hey, you! You can't do that or I'll tell my sister, Loretta! Loreatta? - She'll pound you flat! Bring her on. A good fight
ga871122 -- might cheer me up. - Hey, Loretty! Aaaarrrgh.
ga871123 -- YAWN ** - splash splash * - You know it's monday when you wake up and find six crickets doing a water ballet in your bowl. ***
ga871124 -- munch munch munch - Don't you think you've eaten enough watermelon, Garfield? Why, no. - Why do you ask? ptoo!
ga871125 -- - -
ga871126 -- kick! - I'm sorry Garfield. I didn't see you sitting... - there.
ga871127 -- Z - - N
ga871128 -- Garfield, why are you so vain? - - In my case, modesty would be unseemly in a cat of such breeding. Where did I go wrong?
ga871129 -- Odie's never around when I need a fall guy. - Hmmm. - Hey, Jon, look what I can do with this grape. - poo! - GUNK! Oh, yeah? Watch this! - I'm not impressed. - WATCH THIS! OH YEAH? WATCH THIS! - Veterinary clinic What the... Don't ask.
ga871130 -- Garfield, you've been drinking too much coffee lately. There's no such thing as too much coffee. - I'm worried about you. Okay, okay! I'll cut down! - Just give me half a cup.
ga871201 -- - - Now, THAT'S good coffee!
ga871202 -- - Too much coffee, Garfield? - yupyupyup
ga871203 -- I made my world famous coffee this morning, Garfield. - Come on...it's not that bad! Have some! Oh, all right. - But just a small slice.
ga871204 -- Sorry, Garfield, but we're out of coffee this morning. I noticed. - I guess we'll just have to go without. That's what YOU think. - What are you doing? Sucking on a used coffee filter.
ga871205 -- MEOWYRRRRR - MEOWYRR...MEOWYRRR GARFIELD! What are you doing?!! - My agent couldn't get me a booking on the fence. tap tap tap
ga871206 -- I feel awful, but I don't think it could be anything that I ate. - - Hee, hee, hee. - Hey, Garfield, remember thet time I was drinking root beer and you made that funny face. - And I snorted the root beer right out my nose? - And I got all
ga871206 -- the way up into my sinuses. - It was like it was fizzing right inside my brain! You've just made history, Jon. - Hee, hee, hee. I can't finish my meal.
ga871207 -- Whoops! The ol' claw's hooked a carpet thread. - UNNNGGGHHH!!! - ...a LONG carpet thread.
ga871208 -- Food is a dichotomy. - Fat people hate to love it. - And skinny people love to hate it.
ga871209 -- Thare's nothing worse than being bored. - Hey, there, Mr. Droopy face. Let me entertain you! - Hotcha! Hotcha! I take that back.
ga871210 -- Cats are poetry in motion. - trip SPLAT! - Dogs are gibberish in neutral.
ga871211 -- Ho-boy, I ate too much again. - WAH-HA-HA-HA! - Oh, Garfield, you're a riot!
ga871212 -- Who's the sexiest cat you know, Arlene? Hmmm... - Let's see... - One thing about Arlene, she doesn't make snap judgments. Hmmm.
ga871213 -- Championship wrestlers and I have one training ritual in common, power eating. - - SLURP - - screee - - screee SLAM! Odie? - Odie? - SLURP
ga871214 -- Here's a story about a cat who travelled 200 miles to find his owner. - Can you imagine YOU doing that, Garfield? - HA! HA! HA! I would send a postcard.
ga871215 -- It says here that many artists starve themselves in the service of their craft. - GLUCK - A starving glutton...I like that.
ga871216 -- Sigh...a cat's work is never done. - What are you doing, Garfield? PLOP! - A cat's work.
ga871217 -- SLAM! - In case you're wondering where I've been and what I've bought, that's none of your business. - I love the Christmas season.
ga871218 -- OUCH! pshhh - Hey, this isn't shaving cream! - And this isn't tree flocking.
ga871219 -- I swear, Garfield. - You get more excited about Christmas than any child I know! - I DO NOT!
ga871220 -- Are you sure this is all you want for Christmas, Garfield?! - - - - This is a decoration, not a snack, comprendo? - * - -
ga871221 -- The one thing I hate about the Christmas season is addressing all these cards. - I believe I have a way to cut your work in half. - Address this one to dad AND mom.
ga871222 -- Uh- - -oh... - AAAARRRGGHHH!!! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP!
ga871223 -- Garfield, I know you're excited about Christmas. - And I know it's only natural to be curious about what's inside your presents. - BUT PUT THAT METAL DETECTOR AWAY!
ga871224 -- I'd better be careful with my gift. It might be a fine bone china food dish. - Oh. - This one's for Odie. CRASH!
ga871225 -- Well, boys, that was a wonderful Christmas. It's not over yet. - For me?! How sweet?! - A hairball? I made it myself.
ga871226 -- Christmas can't be over yet! I can't have unwrapped all my presents already!! - I gotta unwrap something else!! - More! More!
ga871227 -- I wonder what that is? - Up and at 'em, boys! It's a bright new day! - Let's plan the day, boys. Here we go again. - First item of business: the Christmas tree. Let's leave it up a while longer. - Translation! "Let's leave the tree there till
ga871227 -- the needles fall off and mom takes it out for me in July". - Next item: let's go to a museum or something intellectually stimulating right after lunch. - Translation: "Let's eat too much and fall asleep on the couch watching television". - Z
ga871227 -- Z Z I admire a man of decision.
ga871228 -- HAAAACK! - poing - Boy, talk about your hairballs!...
ga871229 -- This year I pledge to lose weight and get in shape! - No, no, be realistic, Garfield, That's a bit much to bite off. Perhaps I should set a bit more realistic goal. - I pledge to establish contact with aliens from another planet!
ga871230 -- Well. it's time to take stock of the year. - Let's see...I ate and slept and accomplished not one single thing of socially redeeming value. - I'm so proud of me.
ga871231 -- Let's see. This year I've eaten 2,190 snacks and taken 1,822 naps. - Oh, no! According to my figures I missed a nap in april and two in july! - Uh...Garfield? QUIET, MAN! I HAVE SOME SERIOUS CATCHING UP TO DO!
ga880101 -- Z - Oh, no! What happened to my toes?! -
ga880102 -- In the natural order of things, cats aren't fat, Garfield. - PURRR Oh, very well. - In the natural order of things, humans ARE gullible, though.
ga880103 -- Pretty impressive, eh, Arlene. Yes, impressive that those legs can move my body. - - Unngh! - GUH! - AAAAAK! - HIYAAAHGHA! - One!
ga880104 -- Some egg foo young, Garfield? Sure. - Hoe about some moo goo gai pan. Do you know what I like about chinese food? - It's as much fun to say as it is to eat!
ga880105 -- Still haven't mastered those chopsticks, huh, Garfield? - Mastered? ...no. - Perfected? ...yes.
ga880106 -- I knew you'd like chinese food, Garfield, but Im surprised you ate the octopus. Octopus? - ACK! COUGH HACK BLECK! - Actually it wasn't half bad.
ga880107 -- Gimme that fortune cookie. - Beware of the SPLUT! - SPLUT!
ga880108 -- Impressions! - A clock! - CUCKOO CUCKOO Tah-dah! Aren't they cute?
ga880109 -- psssssh - This stuff is guaranteed to keep pets off the furniture. It's so easy it's almost unfair.
ga880110 -- I can feel monday creeping up. - Now for a nice loooong nap. - Presenting RIP VAN GARFIELD The Story Of A Catnap... Z - That Lasted 50 Years! For the first time in my life, I feel rested! - Some Things Had Changed... Roof! Roof! - Some Things
ga880110 -- Hadn't Changed... How about a date, doc? No way! - And Some Things Had REALLY Changed! Set the table, mom! Here's a juicy one! - POOF! That's it! No more pizza after midnight.
ga880111 -- I hate mondays. I need something to cheer me up. - PUNT! - Even gravity has it in for me today!
ga880112 -- Garfield! What are you doing? Uh...push-ups? - The vet put you on a diet. I want a second opinion. - How about a nice leaf of lettuce? PLease! If I laugh I might snort an anchovy!
ga880113 -- I'm so hungry from my diet I couldn't sleep last night. - Thereby depriving me of food AND sleep, two of three things I live for. - If the third weren't self-pity, I'd kill myself.
ga880114 -- - - Must you play with your food? Who's playing? I'm picking out vitamins.
ga880115 -- Garfield! You lost another pound! - I'm so proud of you! Jon's so naive. - It's the same pound I lose every week.
ga880116 -- Where would you like to eat, Garfield? - This place? How come? - ERNIE'S Eat Till You Explode Restaurant Let's just say, I have a good feeling about it.
ga880117 -- Hey, kid, isn't that Halley's comet? - - - - - RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! IT'S A RABID MUSKRAT! - - I like the part where he made you fetch it on all fours. Oh, shut up.
ga880118 -- Are you sleeping again? - I am NOT sleeping. - I'm checking my eyelids for light leaks.
ga880119 -- Hey, you bought new socks! - Here, let me break 'em in for you. - Gotta Dance Gotta Dance So this is why my feet have been itching.
ga880120 -- Excuse me, Irma, there's a hair in my soup. - How do you know it's not one of yours? - I use smaller rollers.
ga880121 -- Hey, look, Garfield, Odie's standing on his head! So? - Isn't that amazing?! Not really. - How does he do that? I glued his head to the table.
ga880122 -- They say cats can see in the dark. - CLICK Hey! It's true! I CAN see! - I see a whole lot of dark.
ga880123 -- I shall now derive great pleasure from kicking Odie off this table. - CRASH! - THAT WAs DARNED INCONSIDERATE!
ga880124 -- - There's nothing like a quiet evening at home. click - click click click click - gobble gobble gobble - DONK! - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - Not around here, at any rate.
ga880125 -- Guess who this letter is from? Your parents. - They're paying us a visit! Know how I knew that? - Who else uses barnyard scented stationery?
ga880126 -- Mom! Dad! Welcome to the big city! Ha! You call this one-horse burg big? - Uh...care to freshen up? Like from a sink? Sure! Do it all the time! - Your father's determined not to be taken for a country bumpkin. Cut the chat. My tractor's
ga880126 -- double-parked.
ga880127 -- Is dad okay, mom? He sounds a little hoarse. He's a little upset with you on that subject. - With me? In your last letter you said you made your plants grow by talking to them. - You don't mean?... Ever try to give a pep talk to 40 acres of
ga880127 -- soybeans?
ga880128 -- Here it is, dad, a modern bathroom with all the conveniences. I knoe that! What kind of rube do you think I am? - CRACK! MODERN CONVENIENCES, HA! CHEAP, YOU MEAN! - Pumped the handle twice and it snapped like a twig!
ga880129 -- I have a big day planned for us tomorrow, so don't forget to set your alarm, dad. - What time? Four A.M.? Uh...whenever. - Four o'clock, got that? Either he goes, or I go!
ga880130 -- Rise and shine, cat! On the farm we get up with the chickens. So do we. - Except our chickens are in the freezer. - SO THE MINUTE YOU SEE ONE OF THEM UP AND AROUND GIVE ME A CALL!
ga880131 -- I think he's falling for it! Lasagna Flavored Hibiscus - Uh-oh. - Look, cat, it's like this...I'm a flowering plant. - I bring joy to this dreary existence. - My delicate blossoms offer beauty, grace and a sense of hope to this life. - Plant,
ga880131 -- you have touched my heart. That was very good. Thank you. - But, not good enough! But, I bring color to the world! - You want color? Go buy a box of crayons.
ga880201 -- Garfield, you're not still mad at me for serving you that rubber pizza last night are you? Nah. - And you're not planning some sinister revenge, are you` I'm bigger than that. - Maybe I'm just paranoid.
ga880202 -- Look, Garfield! This is my first serious attempt at making gourmet food. "first humorous" attempt is more like it. - I call it "chicken surprise". Somehow, I'm not surprised. - Fresh from the oven. I know. I heard the microwave laughing.
ga880203 -- Forget it, Garfield. I'm planning to enjoy this ALONE. - GULP! - Now, you're alone.
ga880204 -- Come oin, scale. Can't you see I'm waiting for your verdict? - I don't know if I have the heart to tell you this... - You have a heart? You have a face?
ga880205 -- Get off! I can't breathe! - Notify my next of kin! - I WANT it to die. If I had eyes my life would be passing before them!
ga880206 -- Sit up, Odie. Sit up, boy! - COME ON! SIT UP! Good luck, Jon. - It took Odie three years to learn to breathe.
ga880207 -- Sigh. - Nobody loves me. I'm just old and fat. - Look mommy! A little kitty. She said, "little"! - Here, little kitty kitty kitty. Bless you, child! - Well, I wouldn't exactly say "little," dear. What would you say, mommy? - Hmm, how about
ga880207 -- old and fat? - Here, old and fat kitty kitty kitty. Life belts me up the side of the head once again.
ga880208 -- I hate february. - But february starts out irritating, becomes boring and ends up depressing. - February is the "monday" of months.
ga880209 -- I think I'll write a book! A book about a handsome, debonair cat who saved the world from alien invaders, ended war and solved world hunger. - Nah. - There are already too many autobiographies out there.
ga880210 -- The most important part of writing a book is picking a good title. I think I'll call mine "Nights Of Indiscretion". - No, no. A writer must write something he knows about. - That's it! I'll call it "Nights Of Indigestion".
ga880211 -- THAT'S IT! - I have just come up with a cure for writer's cramp! - Writer's block.
ga880212 -- Most kids love snow. - Most kids love building forts and throwing snaowballs. - Mine are out for world domination.
ga880213 -- If Oj'n not going to let us in, I say we break the door in! - TAP - It's tough building up a full head of steam in deep snow.
ga880214 -- Yes, Odie, I'd say that hook is fairly important. - Z - Z - POOF - CHOOM! - - ZOOM! - I thought you were asleep! I was, my STOMACH wasn't.
ga880215 -- Garfield, you just had your morning nap. What are you doing back in bed? Taking your advice. - You said, "never put off until tomorrow what you can do today". - This is tomorrow morning's nap.
ga880216 -- - - Okay, I give. I was measuring the refrigerator for a pet door.
ga880217 -- It's fun finding familiar shapes in clouds. - That one looks like Odie, same ears, same stupid expression... - The same slobber.
ga880218 -- - So, what's your problem, guys? - We demand separate closets!
ga880219 -- Here I am again, pondering my existence. - ...my relationship with the universe. - ...my having eaten too much to move.
ga880220 -- I wish there were a sign to make you realize how fat you are, Garfield. - RUMBLE RUMBLE - And what does THAT tell you? That I shall be having my meals on the floor from now on.
ga880221 -- That's the last time I let you steer, Odie. - - Whee! I love snow. Yeah! As long as the neighbor kids don't spot us. - SPLUT! SPLUT! - - Hey, cat! Give us the kitten and we'll let you live. - NOT A CHANCE, YOU TURKEYS! IT'S ALL FOR ONE AND
ga880221 -- ONE FOR... - all.
ga880222 -- - CLICK! - What is it, Garfield?! Is there a thief? Is the house on fire?! Worse! The light in the refrigerator is out!
ga880223 -- pant pant Odie drips so much maybe I should call a plumber! - - That's a figur eof speech, Garfield.
ga880224 -- drip drip drip drip drip drip drip - SQUEAK -
ga880225 -- Garfield, I hope you're not thinking of climbing my curtains. - I wouldn't dream of climbing your stupid curtains, Jon. - But, to be the first cat ever to lead an expedition up the southwest face of Mt. Everest, that's another matter!
ga880226 -- Climber's log: 12,000 feet up Mt. Everest and the going is slow. - At this altitude oxygen is scarce. The experienced climber knows he must rest often. - Z Now I've seen everything.
ga880227 -- - That's my pie, Garfield, so HANDS OFF! - PLOOT nnngh!
ga880228 -- You squished my banana. - I have a blind date, tonight, what should I wear? - Maybe I'll go with the rustic look... - Or suave and sophisticated. - Or she might go for the athletic type. - DING! DONG! That's her! How do I look? Perfect. - I'm
ga880228 -- Gwen. You're cute. God made two of 'em!
ga880229 -- You know, Garfield, maybe we should skip dessert tonight. - SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP - JON! SPEAK TO ME! YOU'RE DELIRIOUS, MAN! Thanks, I needed that.
ga880301 -- It says here, owners and their pets often look alike. - - I think I'll go shave. I think I'll go have plastic surgery done.
ga880302 -- Cats evoke many emotions in people...love, pleasure, wonder... - - and guilt.
ga880303 -- You know, before we start our meal, it might be nice to bow our heads and give thanks. - Good idea. - THANKS! PLOP You're missing the point, Garfield.
ga880304 -- Garfield, you're a disgrace to your species. - Actually, I'm rather unique. - I'm one of the few mammals who can breathe under food.
ga880305 -- Have some water, little fella. - Now, I'll let you drain for a bit. - I knoew this would happen if Jon didn't clean the garbage disposal.
ga880306 -- Come on, Odie, LIFT - tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - What are you doing, Garfield? Guess! - Are you dancing? Are you upset? Nope. - Are you hungry? Guess AGAIN. - Are you trying to warn me about something? You'll never guess. - ARE
ga880306 -- YOU HORT?! Never in a million years. - ARRRRGH! You're driving me crazy! Darn...you guessed.
ga880307 -- I hate mondays. Me, too. - Why are YOU looking depressed? YOU don't work. - Sympathy pains.
ga880308 -- - They say, "You are what you eat". - MOOOO
ga880309 -- Garfield, wake up. - Do you know I can't remember the last time I heard you say "Meow"? - We'll talk about this in the morning. Jon doesn't have enough to occupy his mind.
ga880310 -- MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH - MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH - May I get you a snorkel? Are you trying to tell me something?
ga880311 -- Welcome to "Whistling For Dollars"! - The world's most stupid and boring game show. - Looks like the "truth in advertising" people struck again.
ga880312 -- AHA! - Let's see you get out of this one gracefully. -
ga880313 -- - How do I look? Like a million, give or take a year. - I think I carry my weight rather well. You should. You've had the practice. - Do you think I'll loose my looks with age? With luck, you will. - Do you think I have a strong chin? Which
ga880313 -- one? - Thank you for your opinions, Nermal. Anytime. - Anyone-Abu Dhabi
ga880314 -- Garfield, if a burglar broke into the house, would you risk your life to save me? - Excuse me. - HA! HA! HA! HA ha! ha! ha! Let me rephrase that.
ga880315 -- Irma, is this tea or coffee? What does it taste like? - It tastes like turpentine. - Oh, that's our coffee. Our tea tastes like transmission fluid.
ga880316 -- A philosopher once said, !I think; therefore I am". - - Poor Odie, he isn't aware that he doesn't even exist.
ga880317 -- It says here, an active fantasy can improve your personality. - I HAVE an active fantasy life. - When I'm eating, I fantasize about sleep. When I sleep, I fantasize about eating.
ga880318 -- Garfield, have you ever imagined yourself as really young again? Interesting. - Years of experience yet to be lived. Years of fun yet to be had. - Years of sleep yet to be slept.
ga880319 -- munch munch munch - BURP - My compliments to the chief.
ga880320 -- And then my cat grabbed the steering wheel, and... - YAWN - I wish I could get to sleep. - HOWDY! Who are you? - I'm the sand person, I help folks go to sleep. Really? - Yup. A few sprinkles of my magic sand and it's nighty night time. Lay it
ga880320 -- on me! - HIT IT, CHARLEY! - poof!
ga880321 -- Good morning, Garfield. I fixed you eggs, bacon, cinnamon rolls and hot coffee. Let me at 'em! - WOAH! - Rats. Nice try, Jon, You almost got me up on a monday that time.
ga880322 -- You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Arbuckle. - Licking the beaters on a cake mixer can't possibly harm your cat. - But, let's say that mixer was running at the time...
ga880323 -- KICK - Why, Odie! Whatever gave you an idea like that? - THIS is a kick! POMP!
ga880324 -- Garfield, if you're going to act like a piece of furniture, I'm going to treat you like a piece of furniture. - Idle threats can't move me. - Ha ha ha. Very funny, Jon.
ga880325 -- Garfield, let's just stay in today and lounge around. - Okaaaay. - I feel sorta silly, but I'll give it a shot.
ga880326 -- - - GARFIELD! Perfect timing.
ga880327 -- CRASH! - Hey, Garfield, guess what?! - We are going to roller-skate our way to health. - NOW, LET'S GET OUT THERE AND DO IT! - One side! Here comes your owner, the "Roller Skate King!" - AYIEEEEE! HONK! CRASH - - There goes my owner, the
ga880327 -- "Roller Skate Hood Ornament".
ga880328 -- You gotta take me to the vet, Jon. - I'm having trouble sleeping, It seems like I just get into bed... - And then, BOOM! Twelve or thirteen hours later I'm wide awake!
ga880329 -- COUGH! WHEEZE! - This may be my last hour. Let me spend it in the comfort of my home! - Remembe rthe vet appointment, huh? I may never see these four walls again!
ga880330 -- When I can't sleep, it seems like every sound in the house is magnified. - THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD - Must you?!
ga880331 -- Maybe a good book will help me sleep. - A good, BIG book. - whap whap whap Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
ga880401 -- I know insomnia is no laughing matter, Garfield, so I'll keep you company. - Let's see...I think I'll regale you with some anectdotes from my life as a boy on the farm. - Z
ga880402 -- What's your favorite kind of music? Rock? Jazz? Classical? - This way. - WHIRRRRR Git down! Uh-huh, uh-huh!
ga880403 -- - Hey, Odie. Let's put on a show for Jon. - TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - BLAT! SPLUT! - - Z - RIP!CLAW SLASH FITTT GRRR! - What did I do?
ga880404 -- BRINNNG! - The worst part about being irritated by an inanimate object is there's no rational way to get back at it. - Fortunately, I'm not a rational person.
ga880405 -- There's an old show biz saying, "find out what your audience wants and give it to them". - BONK! SPLAT! WHAP! - Apparently, my audience wants a target.
ga880406 -- Hello, Arlene, the cat of your dreams is here. - You're a dream? You bet'cha, baby. - I knew I shouldn't have eaten that pizza at bedtime. Ouch.
ga880407 -- Okay, Garfield, in ten seconds the timer will go off. click  - Capturing for posterity a portrait of a sophisticated young man and his faithful companion. whirrrr - SNAP
ga880408 -- I think you're going to like this food, ferny. - It's 100% fish meal accor... - burp
ga880409 -- I swear, Garfield, you're a glutton who'll eat anything. - I AM NOT A GLUTTON! AND THIS ISN'T JUST ANYTHING - I am a performing artist and this is my repertoire.
ga880410 -- Howdy, ma'am! You new to these parts? - - BLUT - MOMMIEEE! - Oops! - EEEEEK! - - YIP! YIP! YIP! - WHI!!!! - YAH! This is not a good day in the vanity department.
ga880411 -- Garfield, why don't you like to go outside like other cats? - Right, like the time we went to the farm and I wrestled a chicken. - You're hopeless. It was humiliating being pinned by ac chicken.
ga880412 -- So what's Mr. Excitement doing today? Collecting dust. - I'm going jogging. Wanna go? Can't you see I'm busy? - It would get your circulation going. Stop it! You're scaring the dust!
ga880413 -- Hey, Garfield, let's jog around the block. You'll get outside and give those lungs some exercise. No way. - I'm beginning to worry about you! - And close the door! I don't want any unnecessary air getting in here!
ga880414 -- Welcome to the early morning exercise show! - Ready? And one! And two! - Ha! Ha! Now you're getting it! It's easy to be cheery in the moring when you're prerecorded.
ga880415 -- Today I'm going to work on push-ups. - UNNNGH - So much for "push". Tomorrow we work on "up".
ga880416 -- This is what we need, Garfield. A complete entertainment system. - It has something for everybody. Really? - Then this must be where you warm up the pizza.
ga880417 -- CLICK - CLICK CLICK CLICK - CLICK CLICK CLICK - GIMME THAT! - CLICK Very well, Jon, have it your way. - CLICK - Speak softly and carry a big channel changer.
ga880418 -- - You watch a lot of TV. Do you know that, Garfield? - I can't read. What's your excuse?
ga880419 -- Boy are you fat! - Hey, guys! Get a load of lardo here! - WHUMP!
ga880420 -- It's been a nice day, Garfield. - A peaceful day. - Which will end abruptly if you stop scratching my belly.
ga880421 -- From now on I expect you to keep your area clean, Garfield. - So I bought you this little broom. - Where's the little maid to go with it?
ga880422 -- They say dogs have a strong sense of smell. - POOMP! - Fortunately, they can't smell a kick coming.
ga880423 -- Radar detects an edible substance on the surface, sir! - Up periscope! -
ga880424 -- Are you trying to make me jealous? - Come to breakfast, Garfield. - - - - - - - - - How's your coffee, Garfield? - Not bad. Good.
ga880425 -- Those tonsils will have to come out, Mr, Arbuckel I'm putting you in the hospital. Okay, doc. Hospitel? - JON! DON'T GO! How touching, a cat who's concerned about his owner. - WHO'S GOING TO FEED ME?!!
ga880426 -- Aunt Gussie will take care of you while I'm in the hospitel having my tonsils removed. - Aunt Gussie?! Oh, great! Oh, come on. She's a sweet old lady. - Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you meant the same aunt Gussie who was kicked out of the marines
ga880426 -- for unnecessary roughness!
ga880427 -- I miss Jon, Odie. Let's go visot him in the hospital. - - And while we're there, we'll see if they can reverse lobotomies.
ga880428 -- Good boy, Mr. Arbuckle! I see we cleaned our plate. - She's mistaken. Nobody can stomach hospital food with the possible exception of... - You were expecting maybe Dr. Schweitzer?
ga880429 -- What kind of a hospital is this, Jon? click - The television doesn't work. click click click - And how can you sleep on that bed?
ga880430 -- How was your tonsillectomy, Jon? - I can barely swallow. Awww, poor baby. - Maybe I have your ice cream?
ga880501 -- It's another "hurts to move" morning. - - Hello, what's this? - A shoe, a single shoe. - Why is it you find only one shoe in the trash? One shoe on a sidewalk? One shoe in the street? - Why don't people pitch shoes in Paris?! - KNOCK KNOCK
ga880501 -- KNOCK We'll just find out. - Yes? Never mind.
ga880502 -- Good morning, Garfield. How did you sleep? - Like this. - Z I see.
ga880503 -- - SPLOT - I keep forgetting...it's wake up first, THEN eat.
ga880504 -- Why don't you go outside, Garfield? The fresh air will do you good. - Maybe Jon's right. - Z
ga880505 -- Garfield, I don't understand. - Cats are supposed to be sleek and vital. - What happened to you? My great-uncle Ralph was a wart hog.
ga880506 -- ROWF! ROWF! ROWF! - Uh-oh! SCREEEEE - Miss me?
ga880507 -- Relentless in his pursuit of food, the shark scours the ocean floor. - Above him he spies the shadowy silhouette of a life raft with a lone survivor! -
ga880508 -- - Z - Z - Odie looks like he's dreaming about chasing something. Z - Let's see if he catches it. Z - ZIP! - CRASH! - Yup. - He caught the heat register. Z
ga880509 -- The neighbors asked me to baby-sit for their fern. - There instructions shouldn't be too difficult. - "Step one: watering, see section 26, paragraph 12". Skip the step that says, "cats eat fern".
ga880510 -- See you later, Garfield. I have to pick up spring water and fertilizer. Boy, is Jon spoiling that fern. - I require only the simple things in life, like a long nap in a warm sunbeam. - This has got to stop.
ga880511 -- ARRRRGH! Burp. - You ate the neighbor's prize fern! What an I going to do now?! - I understand they're doing some splendid things with plastic these days.
ga880512 -- Not again? - Garfield? Are you eating in here? CLICK - Nobody here but us refrigerator magnets.
ga880513 -- That's it! Gimme that remote control, Garfield. click click click - GULP - GARFIELD! click click Life just isn't fair, is it, Jon?
ga880514 -- - - I can see today is going to be a real yawn a minute.
ga880515 -- Even the Caped Avenger requires special effects. - - Z - click! - That's it! I'm tired of living with you bozos! - I'm moving out an taking my stuff with me. - How's apartment life, Garfield? With the exception of one nosy neighbor, not bad.
ga880516 -- Wake up, Garfield, Today is the first day of the rest of you life. - - Wake up, Garfield, Today is the first MEAL of the rest of your life. I can't resist a nicely turned phrase.
ga880517 -- How do you want your eggs this morning, boys, too salty or too greasy? - I'm tired of the same choice. Could you burn them? I'll try. - You're a peach, Irma!
ga880518 -- Garfield, would you know what happened to my loaf of garlic bread? Why ask me? - droop - Rat fink daisies!
ga880519 -- May I have this cupcake, PLEASE? Very well, you may have it. - What's the problem, Garfield? - I don't know if I want only a one "please" cupcake.
ga880520 -- Give me your honest opinion, Garfield. - Do you think this outfit clashes? No. - It's waging all-out war.
ga880521 -- - One thing I like about lethargy... - You don't have to work at it.
ga880522 -- I hate it when I don't tan all over. - - - chink! whizzzzzzz - ZIP! CHOMP - Sigh.
ga880523 -- Good morning, boys and girls! Good morning, Uncle Roy! - I love you just the way you are! I love you too, uncle Roy! - Of course, you could stand to lose a little weight... CLICK I wonder what Binky The Clown is up to?
ga880524 -- Good morning, boys and girls! I love you just the way you are! I love you too, Uncle Roy. - Golly. I feel good today! And do you know why? Why? - Because I have so many wonderful friends like you! Translation: Uncle Roy's ratings are up.
ga880525 -- Why, here comes Mr. Blue Jeans, the mailman. Morning, Mr. Blue Jeans. Any mail for me? - You, Uncle Roy, here's a black tax notice and a copy of Leather and Bike Magazine. - And here's a letter from you ex-wife's lawyer... This is a side of
ga880525 -- Uncle Roy I haven't seen before.
ga880526 -- Let's take a walk in my neighborhood, boys and girls. Would you like that? Sure, Uncle Roy. - Here we are outside my hou... HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! - HELP! BLINKY THE CLOWN'S STEALING MY HUBCAPS! It must be ratings week.
ga880527 -- Hi, boys and girls! I love you just the way you are! I love you too, Uncle Roy! - I'm in this cast today thanks to Binky The Clown who mugged me yesterday. But that's okay, because I love him just the way he is... - BEHIND BARS! Uncle Roy's
ga880527 -- only human, I guess.
ga880528 -- Do you know how to spot a lazy person? - A truly lazy person never finishes any... - Z
ga880529 -- Do you think the wizard will give me a brain? You didn't tell me you had family here, Odie. - Hey, Odie. - Is that your tongue or did you swallow a pair of Long Johns? - - By the way, I heard your fleas died of food poisoning. - Oh, yes, Igor
ga880529 -- called. He said your brain is on back order. - - Look, Odie, if I don't get a reaction, I'm gonna have to get personal.
ga880530 -- Here you go, Garfield. That's milk. - It'll make your coat nice and shiny. I think I'll opt to molt. - All cats love milk! When I was young I was frightened by an udder.
ga880531 -- Back, fleas! Look! A flea collar! - POW! PING - Some fool sold them guns! Nice shot, Ralph!
ga880601 -- You know, Garfield, I've often wondered... - Which are smarter? Cats? Or dogs? - Speaking of dogs, where's Odie? He's fishing off the back of you rowing machine.
ga880602 -- I hate playing hide-and-seek with Odie. I've been in this basket for an hour. - Maybe I shouldn't have found such a good hiding place. - Or maybe I shouldn't have made Odie count to three.
ga880603 -- Hello? What's this? - clickety clickety clickey - Sensing an error in judgement, our hero slowly backs away...
ga880604 -- - OUCH! - You wouldn't happen to know how this hole got in here would you? Rare oven mitt-eating moths, I suspect.
ga880605 -- This is Odie-wan-Kanobe. He has the force to help us. He hides it well. - - EEEK! - HELP! HWLP! HELP! - - Garfield, you sissy. I can't believe you're afraid of a little spider. - I need your book. - FWAP - Thank you very much. - EEEK!
ga880606 -- Goody! Here comes the mailman for his daily chomp. - Wait! He's stopping. - NO FAIR!
ga880607 -- - ARF! ARF! arf! arf! arf! - Thank you, Mr. Stealth!
ga880608 -- YOU ARE LAZY! - Don't you have any goals in life? Yes, to eat an ostrich. - Don't you wanna climb that mountain and yell, "I made it"? Ambition gives me a nosebleed.
ga880609 -- You never move from that spot. Ah. But I've considered it. - You're not even a cat. - YOU'RE A SLUG WITH HAIR! Sure, kick me when I'm down!
ga880610 -- Jon called me a slug with hair. Well, I'm not taking it lying down! - - All right, I'll take it lying down. But, I won't like it.
ga880611 -- From now on you're earning your keep around here. Here's a list of chores. Gee, thanks! - Only moments ago I was a lazy worthless burden of society. - Now I'm a procrastinator.
ga880612 -- Well, who had the keys last, deputy? - - Uh, Jon, you know how curious cats are, don't you? - Well, I sorta found you car keys on the chest and Odie and I...uh, well... - What are you trying to tell me, Garfield? - VRMM - CRASH - Never mind.
ga880612 -- Tell me, Jon, is it bad when the headlights are staring at one another?
ga880613 -- Yawn - SHUFFLE SCRAPE SCRAPE SHUFFLE I was afraid of this. - My birthday is creeping up on me.
ga880614 -- Garfield, I know you're depressed about your upcoming birthday... - But, remember you're only as old as you feel. - Let's see...how old are you going to be? About 12 million years old, give or take a millenium.
ga880615 -- In a few years I'll be ten years old. Just what IS ten? - - Ten is two hands and two toes.
ga880616 -- Why am I afraid of turning ten? - Why am I afraid to admit that I'm aging? - And why are turkey buzzards circling my bed?
ga880617 -- Garfield, you'll soon be ten years old. - And people handlse aging differently. - Have you considered acting gracefully?
ga880618 -- I refuse to get any older without a fight! Do you hear that?! - You'll have to drag me kicking and screaming into my next year. - After the birthday cake and presents, of course.
ga880619 -- If you brought me presents you may stay. - Hey, Garfield, I just ran across the old family album. Ho boy. - Our only thought is to entertain you. Feed me. Show me a good mouser, and I'll show you a cat with bad breath. We're inseparable,
ga880619 -- aren't we, Garfield? You're standing on my tail. - When I want in, I want it NOW. - It's not the valleys in life I dread so much as the dips. - DO IT TO ME NOW, MONDAY! GET IT OVER WITH! When there's napping to do around here, I'll do it. -
ga880619 -- You've really changed in ten years, Garfield. Feed me.
ga880620 -- Ten?! Why you don't look ten! - You look... - You look like you're trying to convince yourself that you don't look ten.
ga880621 -- Starting today, I think younger! - CRACK SNAP POP POP POP CRACK SNAP POP - That goes for you too, bonies.
ga880622 -- Guess what we're going to do today? - Here's a hintr. I start by hitting something with a club. - We're going to play golf! Thank goodness. I thought he was getting desperate for a date.
ga880623 -- This is a pretty tricky putt, Garfield. - Which way do you think it will break? Hmmm - I'd say, right.
ga880624 -- - I've heard of tough golf courses... - But quicksand traps?
ga880625 -- GARFIELD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! SLUUUCK! - I', slucking the cheese off your lasagna. SLUUUCK! - You're slucking the cheese of my lasagna. Nothing escapes this man.
ga880626 -- Do you expect me to be seen in public with you dressed like that? - CLICK - Why do I stay up and watch those old horror movies? - What if there's a monster under my bed? - That's silly. A monster couldn't fit under there. - Unless of course,
ga880626 -- it's a real thin monster. - - The sun should be up soon.
ga880627 -- One thing you can say about Odie... - He'll never have a mental breakdown. - No moving parts.
ga880628 -- Aha! Girl scouts and their cookies approach! - Halt! I see broken branches and cat tracks. There's a cat ambush up ahead! - Rats! A girl scout scout.
ga880629 -- Look, mommy. - Psst psst psst No, Johnny, it isn't! - It doesn't have a trunk. Diet time.
ga880630 -- - What's the matter, Garfield? Lost your appetite? Sort of... - it took another look at dinner and went into hiding.
ga880701 -- Garfield, no tricks, just honesty, I'm taking you to the vet for a checkup. - You're right, Jon. Honesty is important in a relationship. - SPLUT! NO, YOU'RE NOT.
ga880702 -- Doc, is Garfield's heart okay? Yes. Are his eyes okay? Yes. - Are his teeth okay? Yes. Are his ears okay? Yes. - Will you go out with me tonight? no. hope springs eternal.
ga880703 -- That's not a lasagna, mate, THIS is a lasagna! - Z - Whoa, Simba! Z - Why, it's an ancient ruin of a human being. - WHUMP! Let's unearth this relic, Sibma. - This must be a hand which is used to prepare food. - And these must be feet that
ga880703 -- carried it to thr kitchen. - All right! I'll fix breakfast! The pickax won't be necessary, Simba.
ga880704 -- YAWN - CHONK - Hellooooo, monday.
ga880705 -- How in the world am I gonna get out of this? - Maybe if I just closed my mouth... -
ga880706 -- I relly don't think this is exactly the way to get me down, Odie. - Why don't you try something else? -
ga880707 -- - Congratulations, Odie! You did something right for a change! - TOING!!
ga880708 -- Well, Odie, you almost broke any bone in my body, but you did get me down from the tree. - Someday I hope to do the same for you. - But not today.
ga880709 -- Oh sure, this may look comfortable. - But it has its risks. - Lip splinters are no laughing matters.
ga880710 -- HEE HA HA HA HEE HEE HA HA HA HEE HA - And now let's play "The Brain Game". - Here's our quiz question. Be the first person to call with the correct answer and win a new house! Right, I'll just pick up the phone and tall you the answer. - If
ga880710 -- you were a felis domesticus, what kind of sound would you make?  Felis domesticus? That's a house cat! - beep beep boop beep boop - For a new house, what is your answer? Meow. - Meow is correct! Congratulations! I WON! I WON! I DON'T BELIEVE
ga880710 -- IT! - Just give us your name and address, and we'll get right on you. - Uh, and how do you spell your name, Mr. Aaarrrggh?
ga880711 -- Garfield starts a new diet today. - This also marks the first day of... - Cheating.
ga880712 -- Yawn - UNNGH! - Diet time, Garfield. Shut up and get me a shoehorn.
ga880713 -- Not another carrot! I know it's diet week, but anything would taste better than this! - Oh, well. MUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - Burp...not bad.
ga880714 -- That was a great little nap. scratch scratch - Oh, what the heck? - They're small. I'll take two.
ga880715 -- - WHAM! - Garfield! Dinner! I'd love to, but my lips are stuck in the mail slot.
ga880716 -- Tennis is one of my favorite sports. Do you have a favorite sport, Garfield? - - Natch.
ga880717 -- - Now for a nice evening of television. - BLIP! Rats! We must've blown a fuse! - Garfield, use your cat instincts to guide me to the basement. - OUCH!..HEY! Where are you leading me? - I think we're in the basement. Never mind. We'll sleep
ga880717 -- right here till it gets light. - Well, Mr. Scout, what do we do now? I hate it when he wakes up cranky.
ga880718 -- Bathrooms are fun. - Here's a new one. - VIP! YIP! YIP! The mummy lives.
ga880719 -- - - GARFIELD!
ga880720 -- CREEEEEEEK - Th emummy awakens from a sleep of 3000 years. - And sets his snooze alarm for another century.
ga880721 -- Boy, am I starved. - I wonder what mummies eat? - *
ga880722 -- I remember breakfast back home. - Lying in bed. The smell of bacon on the griddle... - The sound of mom giggling as she made patterns in the potato pancakes with my baby shoes. She's a disturbed woman.
ga880723 -- On your mark... - Get set... - PLOP Z
ga880724 -- I, Garfield, Prince of Chraming, hve just awakened you with a kiss. It wasn't the kiss. It was the smell of sardines and pumpernickel on your breath. - - hee hee hee - YAAAH! - - - EEEEK!!! - That would have been funnier had his brain not
ga880724 -- been in another time zone.
ga880725 -- RIIINNNGGG! - Better hit the ol' snooze alarm. RIIINNG! - SNNOORE
ga880726 -- I wish Jon would get off my back. - He says I'm not pulling my weight around here. - boing! picky, picky, picky.
ga880727 -- Garfield, you're tha laziest cat I know. You never met my grandfather. - He was too lazy to get up to eat. - He'd lie on the floor and throw his dentures at the refrigerator.
ga880728 -- I'm not appreciated out here. - AAAYIEEEE!!! - I spend all morning greasing his shoes and not even a thank you.
ga880729 -- Do you know how to tell the difference between a raisin cookie and a chocolate chip cookie? - POOEY! - Neither do I.
ga880730 -- You fell off the curtains. So much for mountain climbing. - I thought cats are supposed to land on their feet. So much for myth. - CATS DON'T LAND ON THEIR FEET! So much for mystique.
ga880731 -- One for me and all for me. Does that sound right to ypu?! - bat bat bat - bat bat bat - ZIP FWAP FWAP FWAP - That's a familiar sound. - We've gotta put a stop to this, Garfield. - * - There, this venetian blind should do the trick. - ZIP
ga880731 -- CHU-CHUNG - -
ga880801 -- Dear Mom, How are you? - everything's the same here... - We need more fuit. I'm sorry to say.
ga880802 -- There are many ways to deal with depression. - Some people buy a new hat. - In order to depress others.
ga880803 -- Morning, Garfield. Have a good sleep? - It was a decent sleep, even a better-than-average sleep. - A sleep, perhaps, thet the uninitiated might think a first-rate sleep, but not a sleep that we conoisseurs would consider... I'm sorry I asked!
ga880804 -- So, what'll it be? Door number one? - Door number two, or door number three? - How about channel number four? CLICK
ga880805 -- drip drip drip drip - CLICK - CLICK drip drip drip drip
ga880806 -- We'll be back right soon so please don't touch that dial. - HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! - I SAAAAID, "DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL"! Talk about ratings through intimidation.
ga880807 -- This is great, Jon. What are you going to have? - * - Hey, Garfield. - Did you know muscles earn you respect? - Did you know chicks go crazy over guys with big muscles? - - - Did you know you can flex fat?
ga880808 -- Garfield, all you're good for is lying around and collecting dust. You got it. - I don't suppose you'd like to exercise with me? You got it again. - Well, taht's fine with me! Thank you.
ga880809 -- This is it, little buddy. Today I start weight training and take my first step toward hunkhood! - UNNNNGH! - HYAH! My hero.
ga880810 -- You know, Garfield, exercise really pays. Not enough. - Know what I got from lifting weights? A hernia? - Rippling biceps! - That reminds me. How about spaghetti for dinner?
ga880811 -- UNNNGH! - BWOIK! - Very funny!
ga880812 -- Weight lifing has really helped me, Garfield! - Just look at that muscle! Oooo, let me feel! - You killed it! The poor thing was sick.
ga880813 -- You're looking trim these days, Mr. Arbuckle. - What's your secret? Diet? Exercise? - Garfield started sleeping on my stomach. That should do it. Why don't you guys get off my case?
ga880814 -- - - Tell you what, Garfield, If I give you one of my hamburgers, will you stop staring at me? Agreed! - -
ga880815 -- YAWN - * Morning, Garfield, ** - * You coffee's on the table *
ga880816 -- Garfield, your snoring kept me up half the night. - You didn't stop until six A.M. I know. - That's when I inhaled my blanket.
ga880817 -- SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK I guess I'd better get my shoes off. - SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK - I guess I'd better wash my socks. Oh, yuk!
ga880818 -- I must have been hungry last night, Jon. - I dreamt I was eating flowers, millions of 'em. - What are you trying to say, Garfield? You're missing some wallpaper.
ga880819 -- KLUNK KLUNK KLONK - Sigh. - It's tough to fluff a bed-box.
ga880820 -- Starting today, I'm going to work on being more peasant. - BOOT! - Have a nice day!
ga880821 -- GARFIELD! Who else? - Hmmm - You are about to witness my finest hour. - Garfield, you are a genius. - Ah, customers! - Oh, Brett! This is perfect! I love it! - You're right, Mona. A little paint and some wallpaper and we'll more right in. A
ga880821 -- little wha?! - WHA...? It's a long story.
ga880822 -- If I ruled the world, do you know what I would do? I know what I would do. - I would make all people live in harmony. I would eat lasagna till it came out my nose. - And I would make cats stop being so self-serving. And dogs would be
ga880822 -- outlawed!
ga880823 -- Here comes the scariest part of the movie. - I CAN'T LOOK! TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER! - Was it scary? Not bad.
ga880824 -- Here's a picture of me back on the farm. - Things were really tough then. - Here's dad trying to milk a pig. That explains a lot.
ga880825 -- Here's a picture of my brother and me. Boy we were pretty wild. - An night we'd sneak out of our room... - Then we'd fill our shoes with chicken feed and run through the henhouse! Two real fugitives from justice.
ga880826 -- This is ridiculous. - You're so finicky. - There, all the ends are tied together. One-slurp spaghetti.
ga880827 -- George! That cat is at the window again! - Don't worry, Martha. He can't get in here. What's that noise?! - skreeeeee Sounds like a glass cutter! Call the police!
ga880828 -- Not to fear, friar Odie. I've done this a hundred times, so I'm bound to get it right sooner or later. - Z - - Z - BRINNNNG! - Come here, you little...and I'll rip your hands off. - - BRINNG! - I assume there's an explanation. Careful, Jon!
ga880828 -- They travel in pairs.
ga880829 -- Do we have any potato chips left, Garfield? - I'll check. - Nope.
ga880830 -- Good morning, Garfield. A rookie! - I've heard a lot about you. I'm famous! - They say you're vicious! Let me autograph your leg.
ga880831 -- ARR ARR ARR ARR ARR ARR ARR Dogs are stupid. - SLAP SLAP SLAP With bad breath. - SNAP Bu, I love'em anyway.
ga880901 -- Good morning, Garfield. 'morning, Jon. - What's this meatball doing in your bed? I put one there every night. - That's weird. He must not believe in the spaghetti fairy.
ga880902 -- The trouble with you, Garfield, is you think you're human. - You're right. - I gotta do something about this inferiority complex.
ga880903 -- Look! A mouse! - Act like a cat, Garfield! Okay. - Z
ga880904 -- Whew! I was beginning to think I'd never get full. BURP! - Lah-lah-lah-lah-lah-lah-laaaaaahhh- I hope the writer's strike ends soon. - And now, back to the Binky the Clown show! - HEEEEEEEY, KIDS!!! Good morning, Binky! - It's a beautiful day
ga880904 -- in Binkyland. Let's say hello to Mr, Sun! Hello, Mr. Sun. - Oh look! Here comes Mr. Fish to visit us! - Good morning, Mr. Fish. Kids, can you say hello to... - AAAYIEEEEE!!! Hello, Mr. Piranha.
ga880905 -- whirrrrrrrrr  Garfield, where are you? By the electric pencil sharpener being bored. - And just what are we doing? We are seeing which common household objects can hold a point.
ga880906 -- We're bored. You said it. - Hey, I have an idea! - Well, we're not bored anymore. You're right. We're bored AND stupid looking.
ga880907 -- Depressed, Garfield? Yo. - Well, look on the bright side. - Compared to absolute, hopeless despair, depressed is cheerful! I feel better already.
ga880908 -- Garfield, you have to be the world's laziest cat! - ALL RIGHT! - This boy's priorities are badly misplaced.
ga880909 -- Howdy, stranger. - Garfield, I hate to tell you this... - But, sleeping next to a picture of the Grand Canyon is not camping out. You're standing in my camp fire!
ga880910 -- Ha-ha! The last doughnut and it's all mine! - Why are you smiling, Garfield? - I already licked the sugar off. Hey! This tastes like baby powder.
ga880911 -- This painting of you is lacking something, Garfield. Yeah, a resemblance. - - Garfield, are you lying on my sandwich? You might say that. - Hey, misterm may we bury your cat in the sand? Sire, go ahead. - Thanks, mister. You're in trouble.
ga880911 -- Have fun, kids. - I must admit this is kind of relaxing. - This sand feels so cool... - Okay, Susie, you stay here. I'll go get the ants. LIFEGUARD!
ga880912 -- That's strange. I forgot why I came in here. - Oh well. It will occure to me later. - Hopefully before he gets to the grocery store.
ga880913 -- Here's the news! ...uh! Gee, this is small print. - Unfortunately, I can't see a thing without my glasses. - SO here's a song! * Feeeliiiiings * You should see the weather tap-dance.
ga880914 -- - - In case you're interested, watches don't float.
ga880915 -- Hey, Garfield! Let's go to the beach! Not today. - Where's your spirit of adventure? - The spirit is willing but the flesh is fat.
ga880916 -- There must be some way to escape this fat. - - Nah, it would just find my forwarding address.
ga880917 -- Ready to order, hon? What?s your special today, Irma? - "Chicken Surprise". Great. We'll take two. - SURPRISE! SURPRISE! You distract her. I'll call the hospital. Got it.
ga880918 -- It's too early in the morning for "cute". - - Cats are the greatest hunters on earth. - Watch me sneak up on that bird. - Cats are silent stalkers, deftly stepping between the dry leaves. - Remaining absolutely motionless, cats wait for the
ga880918 -- perfect moment to lunge... - DIE BIRD! - Stupid plastic flamingo.
ga880919 -- Here's a famous phrase for you, Garfield. - "Curiosity killed the cat". My uncle Bernie coined that one. - Right afte rhe coined the phrase, "never listen for a train by putting your ear on a train track".
ga880920 -- Winter of '83, summer of '79, spring of '86. - I love these trips down memory lane... - Checking the expiration dates in Jon't refrigerator.
ga880921 -- Dressing properly is a art, Garfield. - Rule number one, a tie is the extension of one's personality. - Rule number two, never tuck your shirt into your underwear.
ga880922 -- Have you noticed how Odie is always smiling, Garfield? His parents were hyenas. - Why don't you ever smile? I have my reasons. - If he thought he were pleasing me, he'd stop trying.
ga880923 -- Maybe Garfield won't eat THIS fern. - Do you know what this is? I sure do. - It's the triumph of hope over experience.
ga880924 -- Stay tuned. - coming up next is some mindless drivel guaranteed to insult your intellect. - Jon! Your show's on!
ga880925 -- Definitely no more pizzas with anchovies and chocolate syrup before bedtime. - - - CRASH! - - CRASH! - - I meant to do that.
ga880926 -- - - He actually moved. One side was getting flat.
ga880927 -- Jon! You're home! - Good to see you! - Where's the candy bar I had in my pocket?
ga880928 -- - GARFIELD! CUT THAT OUT! - Cut what out? Bird Feeder
ga880929 -- - You might be interested to know while YOU were asleep, I caought a mouse. - Good boy.
ga880930 -- JON! JON! ODIE'S FOAMING AT THE MOUTH! - MAD DOG! MAD DOG! - By the way, you're out of shaving cream.
ga881001 -- I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I MUST KISS YOU! - Kiss! Kiss! Smooch! Kiss! Kiss! - Oh, baby, baby! Car commercial.
ga881002 -- My crystal ball tells me I'm going to have fish for lunch. - OH NO! - GARFIELD! YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME! - I'm late for my date! Which socks should I wear? - My shirt! Does it go with my socks?! - TIES! I HAVE TOO MAY TIES! - THERE ARE TOO MANY
ga881002 -- DECISIONS TO MAKE! - Yeah, decisions like, should I enjoy this, or, should I tell him his date is tomorrow night?
ga881003 -- I just can't ge tmotivated today, Garfield. Don't fight it. - There's so much work to do. Ignore it, it'll go away. - I've been bitten by the lazy bug. I ate him.
ga881004 -- Jon't driving me crazy. - He's trying to grow a beard. - Do I look distiguished yet? Welcome to the family.
ga881005 -- Here's a new diet, Garfield. - It's called the "Ramone Diet". - If you overeat, this guy named "Ramone" comes by and fattens your lips. - Crude, but effective.
ga881006 -- You cats hardly have a care in the world, do you? - Your biggest worry is probably about the pet door sticking and your getting caught outside. -
ga881007 -- Hey, Garfield. Here comes the mailman. - Looks like you won't be able to shred his pants today. - He's wearing shorts. Then I'll just have to pluck a few leg hairs.
ga881008 -- What's this? It's from the pudding-of-the-month club. - I don't recall joining any club. - Do you, Garfield? Dibs on the butterscotch!
ga881009 -- This space for rent GARFIELD Jon has no sense of humor. - - unscrew unscrew unscrew - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - Good morning, Garfield. - PLOP - GOOSH! - Garfield! One more trick and no more TV for a week! - Uh, about your croissant.
ga881010 -- Dieting is like show business. - - The weight always returns for an encore.
ga881011 -- - WHIP - A little sensitive about our weight, are we? My weight, my business.
ga881012 -- Cut that out, Garfield. - If you don't stop staring at me, I'm leaving the room! - THERE! HAPPY?! Quite.
ga881013 -- Garfield, watching you eat takes me back to my farm days. snort gulp slurp - We raised hogs. slurp gulp snort - SQUEEE! SQUEEE! How would you like cat food shoved up your snout?
ga881014 -- Go away, dog. You're washing the wax off my shoes. - Don't you understand English? - Is your dog one of them foreign breeds? No, he's one of them mindless breeds.
ga881015 -- Wanna go jogging, Garfield? No thanks. - A new report says that too much air can prematurely age your lungs. - I'm going. Well, don't come crying to me with wrinkled lungs.
ga881016 -- Wanna look thinner? Hang around with people fatter than you. - - The cat senses the approach of danger. - rrrrr - The dog approaches, bent on wreaking havoc on the cat. - AR! AR! AR! AR! AR! AR! The dog threatens to dismember the cat. - The
ga881016 -- cat bares a perfunctory claw. - YIP! The dog flees, fearing for his life. - Another searing episode in the life and death struggles of house pets.
ga881017 -- Time to get up, Garfield. Go away. - Come on, Mr. Grumpy, rise and shine! - Never touch "Mr. Grumpy" before noon.
ga881018 -- - Rats. I hate static electricity. - So do I.
ga881019 -- Garfield, this toy was designed by animal psychologists. - TO appeal to a house pet's playful instincts. - DOING DOING Enjoy.
ga881020 -- Three sardine cans... - Four cupcake wrappers. a pizza box... - Why, Garfield? - Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
ga881021 -- And now, the late, late, late show presents... - "Night of the Zombie Plumbers" in 3-D! - I've been up too long.
ga881022 -- Congratulations, Garfield! You've mastered the chopsticks! - Now, dive in! - GULP!
ga881023 -- Nope...I've not seen him, marshal. - - - ZIP! - - ZIP! - - Good morning, Garfield.
ga881024 -- Paste SWIPE - PUNT! - Odie?
ga881025 -- That's it! I'm fed up with Jon! I'm fed up with Odie! I can't think of a single thing I like about this house! - - The roof...I'm rather fond of the roof.
ga881026 -- Z - Z - Z HEE HEE HEE
ga881027 -- Time for bed, Garfield. Z - I said, time for bed. Z - When he sleeps, he sleeps. Z
ga881028 -- Hello? Dr. Wilson? - Yes, I'm afraid it's Garfield again. - He chewed the knobs off the TV during a pizza commercial. I'm only human.
ga881029 -- Tah-dah! - What's with you? - You'd think he'd be more impressed with someone who just ate the entire contents of a house. Hey! Where did the refrigerator go?
ga881030 -- The big dripper. - DINNERTIME! - Hungry, Garfield? Is Odie stupid? - Great! let's go to the refrigerator and find something to eat. - Come on, Odie. Don't do it, Jon! - I'd better go to the rescue. - - SLAM! Clean out the refrigerator, Jon!
ga881031 -- Good evening, ladies and germs! tappity tappity - SPLAT! BOP! WHAP! - I see some of you stayed for the second show.
ga881101 -- I knew a dog who was so stupid, he chased bones and buried cars! - ROWF! BARK! MEOW! YIP GRRR ARF! - Dog Pound Who booked me into this joint anyway?
ga881102 -- * MEROWW * TINK! - Hey! A caviar tin! - I'm attracting a higher class of hecklers!
ga881103 -- You know, Garfield, we're not getting any younger. - Maybe we should start planning for our future. You're right. - Where are we going? TO make up a grocery list.
ga881104 -- I like it when I'm home alone. - The entire house is MINE. - And this is MINE, and this is MINE, and this is MINE...
ga881105 -- I didn't know you could touch your toes, Garfield. And you thought I was out of shape. - - Are you okay? Don't just stand there, All the paramedics!
ga881106 -- - Garfield, I've always wondered, what do you do with all the raisins you pick off your cookies? That's none of your business. - Oh well, I guess I'll go clean out the coat closet today. I wouldn't do that if I were you. - YAAAAHHH!!! - Very
ga881106 -- funny, Garfield. - Just look at the mess you've made! - Now I'll have to get a broom out of the broom closet to clen this up. I wouldn't do that if I were you.
ga881107 -- Any specials today, Irma? - I'll check. - Hey, Bubba! Anything in the trap this morning? Check please.
ga881108 -- What's the soup of the day? Hoboy. - Well now, what day IS today? Tuesday. - Well then, that would make it TUESDAY'S soup, wouldn't it now? Makes sense to me.
ga881109 -- Here's your burger. plop - Uh, don't I get a bun? - Oh! You want our DELUXE burger! Go for it, Jon! Get the super deluxe and get a plate, too.
ga881110 -- GARFIELD! WAIT! - Most kinds of spiders are completely harmless. Jon...you're right. - Especially the dead kinds! WHAP!
ga881111 -- Garfield, I don't feel like scratching your belly. - I have better things to do. - Like mending your shredded shirt?
ga881112 -- - BOMP! - I love volleydog.
ga881113 -- That's the last time I hide pet snacks on my person. - - Some pets are well behaved, and then there are my pets. I can't leave them alone for a second, watch this. - So long, boys! I'll only be gone for a second! - One. - I rest my case.
ga881114 -- - - It's going to be one of those mondays.
ga881115 -- pick pick pick pick - Do you know what you get when you pick the raisins off your toast? - Swiss toast!
ga881116 -- brrrrrr . Is it me, or is the hous freezing this morning? - TINK TINK It ain't me.
ga881117 -- And here's a photo of you with the pigs on my folk's farm last summer. - - You're the one with the stripes.
ga881118 -- Boy, this exercising is tough. - It's giving me a headache. - Try loosening your sweatband.
ga881119 -- I can't believe Judy asked us to leave her party. - By the way, what were you doing in the salad bowl? Bobbing for croutons. - Boy was she mad. You'd think she'd never had hair on her tomato wedges before.
ga881120 -- 35 days, 5 hours, 36 minutes and 4 seconds till Christmas. - CLICK - Z - Z Wha? Who?! Are you a monster?! - SLURP! Odie! It's you! Sure, you can sleep with me. - Yaaah! Now who are YOU?! - CLICK GARFIELD! - What are you trying to do? Scare
ga881120 -- us?
ga881121 -- What a great meal! - Isn't it a shame there's no unit of measure for how good food tastes? Ah, but there is... - It's called a calorie.
ga881122 -- Do you think you'd ever like to have a statue erected in your memory, Garfield? - Yeah! - If they could make it so it could eat pigeons.
ga881123 -- Wait'll you see what I bought, Garfield. - TAH-DAH! - It's amazing the things people would rather have than money.
ga881124 -- I wonder what Garfield is doing with that salad dressing? - - KEEP AWAY FROM THE FERNS! Too late.
ga881125 -- Tell me, Garfield. Would you say this milk shake is half full or half empty? - Completely empty! - Care to get philosophical about those french fries?
ga881126 -- Dinner's on, Garfield. Oh, nothing for me, thanks. I'm not hungry. - - WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH GARFIELD?! That was a joke.
ga881127 -- WAH! - Hey, Odie! - Fetch, boy! - DONK PLOP - SHOOM! - Odie, you stupid idiot! That's a fire hydrant! Not a bone! - Oh well, maybe this will make a nice planter or something. squeak squeak - I don't even want to know.
ga881128 -- - - My Captain Lamo laser poweres direction finder, decode ring! I hate cats.
ga881129 -- And now! ...your favorite game show! - Bowling for cheese! Uh-oh! - The audience is small, but loyal.
ga881130 -- Hey, look. The mailman's hand is stuck in the mailbox. - How tragic. - How sad.
ga881201 -- Z - OUCH! Your eyebrows needed thinning.
ga881202 -- Don't you just love all this snow, Garfield? - You and Odie should be romping about having the time of your lives. - Where is he anyway? - I'm standing on him.
ga881203 --WHEW, GARFIELD! - YOUR MORNING BREATH IS AWFUL. You're telling me. - My teeth melted.
ga881204 -- I've got to stop dieting. I gain too much weight. - Read yto go out, guys? Ask me again in the spring. - Have fun in the snow, boys. - SLAM! - FOOMP! - - - Odie! Are you okay? - ARRRRGH! - Wimp.
ga881205 -- Gee, I can't decide whether to have some pie or some cake. - - Have some pie.
ga881206 -- Jon, there's a lump in the tablecloth. Flatten it out with this french bread. - - Wait a minute! Where's Odie` Who's Odie?
ga881207 -- Look, Garfield! I'm touching my toes! I'm happy for you, Jon. - This is great exercise. Why don't you join me? Sounds a bit strange, but, okay. -
ga881208 -- Jon, I have something to tell you. - The refrigerator stopped running so I ate all the food before it spoiked. - Somebody unplugged the refrigerator! I know.
ga881209 -- As a joke, I have tied Jon's shoelaces together. Z - And, as a bonus joke, I have attached this rope to an airliner about to leave for Italy. - WHA! SHOOP! Bring back pizza!
ga881210 -- Garfield? What happened to the cookies I had in this jar? - - That was a stupid question. I'll say.
ga881211 -- Wanna popsicle, Jon? - Ho-hum. - What a boring, dreary existence this is. - GRRRR - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - RRRRRRRR - - What a boring, dreary existence this is.
ga881212 -- I have a big date tonight, Garfield. - Do you think I'll make a good impression? - Good, no. Accurate, yes.
ga881213 -- Boy, am I sleepy. - YAWN - I think I saw the sweat sock I lost last week.
ga881214 -- Boy, am I bored...bored, bored, bored, bored. - It's sure a quiet day. - Quiet, quiet, quiet day.
ga881215 -- Ah, yes. There it is. That old Christmas spirit is in the air once again. - What would you like for breakfast, Garfield? A blueberry waffle, please. - AND A CAR, A PONY AND A VILLA IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE!
ga881216 -- That's right. Stay just like that, Odie. - * Oh, Joooon * - I Get the hint, Garfield. Subtle as it is.
ga881217 -- Look, Odie. We may have a white Christmas after all. - Wait a minute! That looks like feathers! - MY PILLOW! Scrooge.
ga881218 -- Jon, I think it was a mistake to bring Odie. - YAWN - Why, thank you, Garfield. - Odie! You fixed breakfast! How sweet. - Thanks, Garfield. It's a bit drafty in here. - Uh, thank you, Odie. - SCREEEEE - By the way, boys, this attention
ga881218 -- wouldn't have anything to do with Christmas coming up, would it? I just ground this coffee with my teeth.
ga881219 -- Well, Garfield, it's that time of year again! Time to wash your socks? - Time to get a Christmas tree! - What's wrong with the one we have?
ga881220 -- I got our Christmas tree. Close the door, will yuh? - SLAM! - I meant AFTER I got the tree in! You should have been more specific.
ga881221 -- Well, there it is, Garfield. - The most beautiful Christmas tree ever... - Once again, the law of gravity rears its ugly head.
ga881222 -- - Z - Only three days 'til Christmas. Go back to bed, Garfield.
ga881223 -- * - ** - Darn thing's defective.
ga881224 -- 'TIS THE SEA-SON TO BE JOL-LY * - FA-LA-LA-LA-LAAAH LA-LAH-LAH... - la
ga881225 -- Z - BARK! - Oh yeah, it's Christmas morning. - The morning I have to get up early, be nice to people, skip breakfast... - Urf! I love you, Garfield! I wish it would never end. Merry Christmas! Jim Davis 12.25
ga881226 -- BRINNNG! - DONK - Only 364 more days till Christmas!
ga881227 -- GARFIELD! HEY, GARFIELD! - What's your new year's resolution? - You just woke me from it!
ga881228 -- Garfield, you should start the year out on the right foot. Which one? I have som any. - You should resolve to lose weight. I tried that last year. - I lost my resolve instead.
ga881229 -- I'm going to make a new year's resolution! - This year, I resolve to... - Pay attention to where I point.
ga881230 -- - This year, I resolve to be gentler with Odie! - push
ga881231 -- A new year's resolution. - Eating will no longer be a vice of mine. - Henceforth, it will be a hobby.
ga890101 -- - Garfield! You missed my new year's party! Define, "party". - Well, we had a great time without you. Bobbing for seedless grapes in fruit punch isn't my idea of a great time. - I suppose you went to some wild blowout. That's what the SWAT
ga890101 -- team called it. - WE PLAYED PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY We played pin the tail on the host. - Things got pretty out of hand when Mr. Beasley turned the Polka record up to 78 RPM! Whoa, fella! Spare my sensibilities! - Oh well, bedtime. Come,
ga890101 -- Simba. UNGHAHHH!
ga890102 -- Well, Garfield, it looks like we packed on a little weight over the holidays. What do you mean "wee." fat-man? - Only humans gain weight. - Cats get more "buddhaesques". pat pat
ga890103 -- Garfield, we are going on a diet. Uh...just what do you mean by "we"? - By "we", do you mean you and this blanket? - I don't think I'm getting through to him. Odie, Jon has some bad news for you.
ga890104 -- Garfield, you shouldn't take food for Garfield. - - He's right. An artificial color died to provide me with this meal.
ga890105 -- This salad needs something. - I think I'll garnish it. - WITH A HAM! WHAM!
ga890106 -- As a reward for staying on your diet, I'm going to allow you to have some sugar with your coffee today. - - Let me rephrase that
ga890107 -- Garfield, I know dieting is though fo you. - But, you've really sunk to the depths this time! - Hey! I'm sure I'm not the first Dieter to lick the pages of his candy wrapper collection.
ga890108 -- What...no fries? - - Boy, is Jon going to be sorry he put me on his diet. - Well, I hope you're happy, Jon. Look what this diet has done to me. - You know, Garfield, I think you've lost too much weight. That's an understatement. - Here, have
ga890108 -- an apple. - BONK BONK - ARRGH! GOOSH!
ga890109 -- Maybe watching television will take my mind off this diet. - And now, back to...Bowling for the Meat Loaf. -
ga890110 -- I'll just put some pepper on my carrot here. - Hey! Wait a minute! - That tastes like chocolate cake! Let's hear it for food processors.
ga890111 -- Diets - Diets are like Jon's socks... - They stink.
ga890112 -- Ah, it says here carrots are on my diet. - And this is a "carrot" cake. - A LOOPHOLE!
ga890113 -- - - Yes, even your toe is overweight.
ga890114 -- Here you go, Garfield. PLOP - Leftovers. Leftover from what? - SPLAT! THE SPANISH INQUISITION?
ga890115 -- Hum...Garfield, it says here that doctors now say diets don't work. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! - SMACK SLURP MUNCH - Hey, Odie, do you know what they put in dog food? - Dog food has lizards and yak lips and gum that's
ga890115 -- already been chewed and aluminium siding... - And some stuff you wouldn't even want to know about. - Garfield! We're out of cat food. You'll have to eat dog food today. Okay. - URP - What's with Odie? Must have been somethin he ate.
ga890116 -- Garfield, I worry about you. - I know you hate getting up... - But, lynching the alarm clock? I had it coming.
ga890117 -- I tried to impress my date with humor tonight. Uh-oh. - At dinner I stuck carrot sticks in my ears and smeared mashed potatoes all over my face. Then what happened? - Then she borrowed a quarter and called the police. Ouch.
ga890118 -- Mr. Arbuckle, it's about your cat... - As a government employee I deserve respect. - And I'm not getting any. What's a matter? Can't take a joke?
ga890119 -- You call this taking care of the mouse problem? keep a safe distance, Jon. - You are not normal. This is going to work. - Feed 'em 20 pounds of cheese and watch'em explode!
ga890120 -- This is a great book. - "Things To Do ON A Rainy Day" - Do you feel a draft in here? - Chapter one: "Fun With The Electric Razor".
ga890121 -- This is fun. - Garfield, how many sardines do you hav ein your mouth? One hundred nineteen. - WHY?! I'm playing fish hatchery.
ga890122 -- Well, Christmas and new year's have come and gone. Nothing to do but sleep till easter. - - - - - - Oh, very well, Garfield. You may have my steak. - I know, I'm a sucker for the loving adoration of a pet.
ga890123 -- I hate morning, I hate monday, I hate january. - SLAM - And I REALLY hate having the windowsill slam down on your fingers.
ga890124 -- The bedroom is freezing this morning. - I'd better turn the heat up. - OR GET THE CAT OFF THE CRATE!
ga890125 -- Gee, a new coffee with twice the caffeine. - It even comes with a tiny crowbar. - To pry your fingers off the cup. WHOAH!
ga890126 -- - SPLANG - Ah yes, the ol' "seconds away from blissful slumber" body spasm.
ga890127 -- Pop! - Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! - We'r eout of popcorn.
ga890128 -- Garfield, would you say I have an interesting personality? - Yes, I would. - I'd be lying, but I'd say it.
ga890129 -- And now! The great Odini shall escape from the watery chamber of death. - Rats! I woke up. I swear this happens to me every day! - It's another "hurts-to-move" moring. - I'd say my eyelids weigh about 38 pounds...each. - GARFIELD! TIME TO GET
ga890129 -- UP! Garfield's gone! The hogs ate him! - Rise and shine, fella! Check my neck, bozo. I have no vital signs. - You spend too much time in bed. - That's only one man's opinion.
ga890130 -- What a boring life I have. - How could anyone have a more boring life? This is it, Garfield! - Today's the day I tweeze my ear hairs! I guess anything is possible.
ga890131 -- - HI, ODIE! - THUD! That was too easy.
ga890201 -- - - Z Oh.
ga890202 -- - BWOING! - Breakfast in bed, Garfield? Sloth is the monster of invention.
ga890203 -- - - Dogs are the animal by-products in the weenie of life.
ga890204 -- - WOOAAH! - Thanks a lot for wrecking my shot, Mr. Twinkle Toes!
ga890205 -- The Caped Avenger has discovered the secret of flying: missing the ground. - - - - - knit knit knit knit knit knit knit - - Hello, Garfield. - CRASH! Perhaps my little ruse didn't work.
ga890206 -- I hate february. - February is the armpit of the year. - And don't even talk to me about mondays in february.
ga890207 -- - Depressed, Garfield? - How could you tell?
ga890208 -- I'm just a fat doily on the easy chair of life. - KACHUCK WHOP - Check that on the "RECLINER Of Life".
ga890209 -- - KA-CHUCK -
ga890210 -- - KA-CHUCK -
ga890211 -- I can't bear the thought of trudging through another dismal february. - -
ga890212 -- I wonder if the french foreign legion needs a cat. - - Jon's party appears to be going well. - I'll hide in here till dessert is served. - How about some fondue, everybody? - YAAAAAA - Garfield! You're sitting in the punch bowl. Oh sure! Try
ga890212 -- to change the subject, you cannibal!
ga890213 -- Wake up, Garfield. It's a beautiful february morning. Wake me when it's march. - It's monday, the start of a brand new week. Strike two. - February, monday, the thirteenth! AAARGH!
ga890214 -- - WHIRR -
ga890215 -- - - This is going to be one good cup of coffee!
ga890216 -- GARFIELD! DINNER! - SPLOOT - Boy, I gotta practice my aim!
ga890217 -- - - He's so impressionable.
ga890218 -- Good morning, Pooky. - POO! - And just where are you going with my teddy bear? Uh, it's my kid's birthday.
ga890219 -- I gotta cut back on salt. This water retention is bloating me. - - - SCREEEEEE - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - AAAAHHHHHH - - CRASH! Dogs.
ga890220 -- Yo, Arlene. Hey, ba-beee. - Later, doll face. Aren't you going to stop and visit? - I won't have to make any like REAL conversation, will I? Perish the thought.
ga890221 -- I'd love to stay and chat, Arlene, but I'm going to the dog pound to pound some dogs. - Then, I'm going to the gym to pump some iron. - Yes, and I do believe the gymnasium is this way. Welcome to an evening of macho posturing.
ga890222 -- Just look at that moon, Garfield. - Doesn't it give you any ideas? Sure does... - Bark! Bark! Sigh.
ga890223 -- Oh, Garfield, Garfield, Garfield, Garfield, Garfield... - Garfield, Garfield, Garfield, Garfield... Arlene? - Yes, Garfield? Shut up, Arlene.
ga890224 -- AJAX DOG WHISTLE works every time. - Meow fffff -
ga890225 -- GAR-FIELD! ODI- - GULP GULP SHOOM - Faster than the speed of dog. pat pat
ga890226 -- King Henry VIII and I have something in common...our waistlines. - - - BLUT! - - - BLAT BLAT - Toast a la plunger. Yum yum.
ga890227 -- Anyone here tonight from out of town? - Anyone here from IN town? ANYone here?
ga890228 -- I saw this dog the other day, and he said he hadn't had a bite in three days, soooo... - I let him bite me! - ROWF! HARF HYUH YARK I give 'em what they want. YARK HYUK HAR HAR HAR
ga890301 -- TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY tappity tappity tappity - What do you get when you cross a dog with a nine-foot gorilla? - You get a gorilla that drinks out of any toilet he pleases!
ga890302 -- Now to the enterteinment portion of our show. - An amazing feat of ventriloquism. - Featuring my overqualified assistant.
ga890303 -- Say hi to the people, dummy. - Hit o the people, dummy. - You'll notice my lips never moved.
ga890304 -- GLUG GLUG GLUG - * Ladeeee of Spain, I adore you. ** -
ga890305 -- You can't buy friendship like this at just any store. - - BREAKFAST, GARFIELD! - squeaka squeaka squeaka - squeaka squeaka - squeaka! squeaka! squeaka! - CRASH! - Do be so kind as to level the table, would you please?
ga890306 -- I feel down today, Garfield. - * Oh, 'dem blues, dey done got me down. Oh, yeah. ** - Sometimes I just gotta let it out. I was hoping we'd have to operate.
ga890307 -- The floor is freezing! - Hey! Where's my other slipper?! - hop hop
ga890308 -- Hey, Garfield, how about going for a ride? - Great! - I meant in the car. Piggiback pooper.
ga890309 -- This tastes a bit odd, Irma. - Oops, wrong dish. - HERE, FIFO! I think I'll skip dessert.
ga890310 -- I'm relly for my big date, Garfield. - What the... - THAT'S where I hid the banana cream pie!
ga890311 -- - TWEET - I always wondered what "tweet" meant.
ga890312 -- Jon, your date's here. - Garfield! Time for dinner! - Here you go, ol' bu- - -DEEEEEEEEE - WOOOOOOOAAAAHHH - HHEEEEIEYAAAHH - THUD - The service is average, the floor is okay, but the floor show is spectacular.
ga890313 -- - poit - SNIP! AIEEEEE
ga890314 -- - - WHAP!
ga890315 -- So long, spider. - FLINK -
ga890316 -- - -
ga890317 -- - SQUISH
ga890318 -- - WHAP! -
ga890319 -- I've had it with computer dating services. - - toing toing toing - - - - CRASH! -
ga890320 -- Sometimes I like to watch life's passing parade. - - And sometimes the parade likes to watch me.
ga890321 -- Time to get up, Garfield Z - Yawm. - Z
ga890322 -- - - Hey, wait a minute... -
ga890323 -- GARFIELD! WHAT HAPPENEND! - I yawned and locked my jaw. - Is there anything I can do? Here, keep the flies away from my mouth.
ga890324 -- Beautiful night, huh, Garfield? - My aunt Orpha used to take long walks at night, That's nice. - Till she got a bat in her hair. Can wee go in now?
ga890325 -- Hey, mouse. KNOCK KNOCK - I don't mean to complain, but what are you trying to do? - Make me look bad?
ga890326 -- Nermal, I want you to show some of my friends how cute you can be. - Hmmmm - - WHIPOW! - WHIPOK! - - Hey, Odie! - WHIP SLAP!
ga890327 -- - GOOD MORNING, GARFIELD! - There goes the cruelest man alive.
ga890328 -- - SHTOING! - Thank goodness I missed the apple.
ga890329 -- Do you know what's really dangerous? It's those little toy balls with bells in them. - OH-NO! dingle * dingle - BOOMP!
ga890330 -- As long as I'm down here, I might as well attempt to sit up. - - Ah, yes...the path of least resistance.
ga890331 -- ODIE! - - GARFIELD! PUTH THOSE CYMBALS AWAY! I can't have any fun.
ga890401 -- Time to raid the refrigerator. - BANZAI! - I take no prisoners.
ga890402 -- Your dogasaurus ate my car. - - - - - - I don't know what got into my cat! I'm really sorry! Nonsense! That's the most exercise Reba's had in years!
ga890403 -- Okay, a dinky little mouse hole. I have no problem with that. - - Now THAT'S a problem.
ga890404 -- - Gotcha! - Tag! You're it!
ga890405 -- - PSHHHHH -
ga890406 -- - SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE - Boy, did I walk into that one.
ga890407 -- Uh-oh. - Jon's not going to be happy about this. - They've gone condo.
ga890408 -- - scribble scribble scribble - Cats Stink
ga890409 -- Put that down. Don't make me use force, cat. - Oh yeah, you and what armeee...ooh Excuse me. - - SLURP SLURP SLURP - I'll never get any sleep with this mutt in the house. - Hey, Odie! There's a bone clearance sale at Ed's Meat MArket! - -
ga890409 -- SLAM! - - AAARRRGGGHH!
ga890410 -- - GARFIELD! - Oh, sure! Blame me!
ga890411 -- Garfield, what would you think if I brought a canary home? - ZIP! - You're disgusting.
ga890412 -- - - Dumb.
ga890413 -- - -
ga890414 -- Insomnia is a terrible thing. - I've been lying here, wide awake... - All afternoon! Get up!
ga890415 -- Hmmmm - SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! - Garfield! What happened? Just how long hs that leftover sauerkraut been in here?
ga890416 -- I may need to consider becoming the UNcaped Avenger. - - - KREEEEEEEK - THUD - - - Raisin cookies! - KABING!
ga890417 -- Hey! I was going to sit there, Garfield. Get lost. - - Hey! Get lost.
ga890418 -- Not only are we dull...we're weird, too. - Tonight's spaghetti night. - That's when we sit around and pretend we're eating our hair.
ga890419 -- There's crazy uncle Ed. - He liked to sniff waffle irons. - We spent many happy hours playing Tic-Tac-Toe on his face.
ga890420 -- - Good, Garfield's not around. I won't have to share my milk. -
ga890421 -- My date was going real well tonight. - My sophistication swept her off her feet. - Then I noticed I was wearing my underwear on the outside of my pants. Sick.
ga890422 -- Garfield, you made me breakfast! - What is it? I'll give you a hint. - Mmmm... What has six legs and can't swim in orange juice?
ga890423 -- Finished with thine breakfast, knave? - Did someone leave the faucet running? - Soo, Odie! Leave me alone. - - GARFIELD! - But, Jon! I didn't do that! It wasn't me! - SLAM! - -
ga890424 -- Here is the world's greatest alarm clock. - It has hands that glow in the dark. - And a snooze button with a three-day delay.
ga890425 -- - Hey, Jon. - I think Odie wants to come inside.
ga890426 -- - Poor Odie. Locked outside in the cold. I just can't bear to see him like this, I gotta do something. - SHOONK
ga890427 -- - - "And now... an evening with Mozart".
ga890428 -- Sigh - - SIGH
ga890429 -- CRUNCH!!! SPOOT! - CRUCH CRONCH CRONCH CRUNCH CRONCH Garfield! What on earth yre you crunching on? - Your coffee.
ga890430 -- - - munch munch munch - munch munch munch - WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH - -
ga890501 -- Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. - - I hate it when you grovel like that, Arlene!
ga890502 -- Here comes Arlene. I think I'll suck in my stomach and throw out my chest. - - You got it backwards again, dummy.
ga890503 -- Hey, Arlene, bay-bee...wanna sit on the fence and howl? - Blow it out your fire hydrant, blimpo. - GOOSH!
ga890504 -- Come up on the fence with me, Arlene. - How do I get up there? Take my hand, little lady. - I said "take," not "pull"!
ga890505 -- Arlene, your lips are as red as tomato sauce... - Your skin is as pale as uncooked pasta... - Your eyea! They're soft as mozzarella! Your hair!... Hey, Valentino! Is this a date or a feeding reanzy?
ga890506 -- Do you have any pets, Jon? Yes. A cat and a dog. - Really? What kind of cat? Oh, just an ordinary house cat. - I just drowned the alarm clock. Okay, I lied.
ga890507 -- Yawn - wind wind wind wind - wind wind wind wind wind wind wind - wind wind wind wind wind wind wind * - WIND WIND WIND WIN- - SPROIIING! - Perfect.
ga890508 -- Z - RIIINNNG! SPLOT! - RIIIINNNG! Hellooo monday.
ga890509 -- Here I stand on the top of the world. Master of all I see. - None dare challenge me, unless of course they be fools, or... -
ga890510 -- Yes, Nermal, life is a complicated thing. You get out of it what you put into it. - That was pretty intellectual. Any questions? - Is it hard to talk with six chins? I hate you.
ga890511 -- GIDDYAD, YOU FLEA-BITTEN PLUG! - TO THE CORRAL, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF HORSEFLESH! - Stupid pet door.
ga890512 -- This is my beddy-bye time checklist. - Blanket?...Check. - Food?...Check. Pooky?...Check. Alarm clock?... - Check.
ga890513 -- clomp! clomp! clomp! - CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! - CLOMP!
ga890514 -- You forgot to put creamed corn on the grocery list, Odiecus. - Garfield's Cat Primer - Why cats are lazy... - Cat's point of view. - Why cats need help. - Cat's point of view. - Why cats hate dogs. - Cat's point of view. And why cats are
ga890514 -- vain... - A cat's point of view.
ga890515 -- You gotta go on a diet, Garfield. - Even your face is getting fat. - Whose face is fat?
ga890516 -- Ah, that was a nice meal. - CRUMBS! - It's diet week. slup slup slup slup
ga890517 -- I know it's natural to clean up your dish when you're on a diet... slurp slurp slurp - But, if you're not careful, you'll lick a hole right through that bowl! - Guess again, sucker.
ga890518 -- GLUP GLUP - Oh no! I've been on this diet too long! - I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO SWALLOW!
ga890519 -- Diet gotcha down, Garfield? I'm lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut. - I have about as much chance of surviving this diet as a one-legged opossum on a freeway. - Why, soon, you'll be skinnier than a string been in a pumpkin patch.
ga890519 -- That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
ga890520 -- zzzzzzz - zzzzzz - Nice try, flabbo
ga890521 -- Z - Wow! jelly beans! I love jelly beans! - - - - - - SLURP!
ga890522 -- Try this new cat food, Garfield. No thanks. - It has beef, liver, chicken... Not interested. - Leg of a mailman. You wouldn't kid about that, would you?
ga890523 -- I hate it when mud build up on my feet. - knock knock knock - YAAAH!
ga890524 -- Up and at 'em, Garfield! - There's a big, wide, wonderful world out there! True... - But, there's a small, soft, warm bed in here.
ga890525 -- - tap tap -
ga890526 -- Odie left his brain to science. - - And they made an early withdrawal.
ga890527 -- Z - Z
ga890528 -- - This is a story about high hopes dashed in the big city... - It's not a pretty story, but...I'm not a pretty cat... - It was a dreary night in the warehouse district. I knew what I had to do... I had to open the door... No matter what... -
ga890528 -- And then it happenened... - GASP! - I had come this close to my big dramatic debut.
ga890529 -- I'm exhausted! - I guess I overdid it. - That's the last time I take three naps in a row without a break.
ga890530 -- Hello? Debbie, my sweet? - YOU FAT GREEDY PIG! I OUGHTA SHAVE YOU AND PUT YOU OUT I THE COLD! - CLICK Hello?
ga890531 -- Do you think this tie is too wide, Garfield? - Absolutely not. - However, you do need to gain about 300 pounds.
ga890601 -- I'm looking for just the right cologne. - That, coupled with my personality, will render women helpless. - Maybe you should try chloroform.
ga890602 -- My date and I went hiking. - We drank fresh water from a stream. - I got a leech on my forehead. Lots of screaming, I hope.
ga890603 -- Aren't you ever going to get up today, Garfield?! Jon, Jon, Jon... - You don't understand. Sleeping is an art... - So let's not be disturbing the creative process, hmmmm?
ga890604 -- RING RING RING - RING RING RING - Where is that Jon, anyway? RING RING RING - RIirnnnng... tie tie tie - - Who tied a knot in this phone cord, anyway? - RING
ga890605 -- There's one think I like about living here... - SPLUT! - The easy commute.
ga890606 -- - Whew. - BANZAI! YAAAH!
ga890607 -- GARFIELD - What's the idea of putting glop in my washing machine?! - What's the idea of putting dirty launrdy in my instant pudding?!
ga890608 -- BOING BOING BOING BOING - I wonder where Garfield got the springs. - Oh.
ga890609 -- click click click click Rats! The channel won't turn. The TV's broken, Garfield. - Here, read a book for a change. - click click click Rats! The pages won't turn!
ga890610 -- Z Breakfast, Garfield! - THUD! - Z Isn't that sad?
ga890611 -- GASP! It's the Odie of the Opera! - Hmmm - One shower stall, one drain plug, and one ironing board. - Water on. - * - COWABUNGA! - Why can't you bat at a piece of string like other cats?!
ga890612 -- Growing old is sad, Garfield. - So many dreams never to be fulfilled... - I may never play the bagpipes! Stop. You're ripping out my heart.
ga890613 -- Listen to this, Garfield. - As we grow older, our attention span gets shorter. - Pretty interesting, huh? What?
ga890614 -- Next week I'm going to turn eleven. - I wonder if I'll be older and wiser. - Probably just older.
ga890615 -- Hey, Garfield! Where are you? Oh, just lying here in the corner, thinking about my birthday and counting my wrinkles. - The only thing that can cheer me up is to have a really great birthday party...with all my best friends. - And YOU'RE not
ga890615 -- invited!
ga890616 -- TLING * - ** TLING TLING TLING TLING TLING TLING * TLING * - Looking for your bithday gift in the closet? Oh, shut up.
ga890617 -- Hey, Jon... - I know I said I wanted a "big" birthday party... - But, this is ridiculous.
ga890618 -- Z - I can't believe I'll be eleven years old tomorrow. - Oh, well, time to get these old bones out of bed. - Okay, toes. crack crack crack crack crack crack - Okay, knees. Okay, arms. crack crack crack crack - Okay, knuckles. Okay, neck.
ga890618 -- crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack - CRACK! - Another year, another crack.
ga890619 -- Okay, I'll be the birthday cat, and you' be the cake: * Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meee, happy birthday dear Garfield, happy birthday tooo meee! * - FOOF! -
ga890620 -- Do you know what lazy is? - - Lazy is taking a coffee break between naps.
ga890621 -- There are two rules for assembling a model airplane... - Never get glue on your hands. And, if you do... - Never pick your nose. I have to go to the hospital now.
ga890622 -- A spotlight hits center stage. - Out steps the star! The crowd goes wild! - Thank you! Thank you! Why am I doing this?
ga890623 -- MY STEAK! - GARFIELD; YOU'Re NOTHING BUT A THIEF! I resent that. - I'm a thief AND a glutton.
ga890624 -- Well, here it is saturday night, Garfield. - I think I'll just curl up with a good book. - And a box of (sob) tissues. I wish he'd get a date.
ga890625 -- Well, this is another fin mess you've gotten me into. - Yup, time for my 2:17 P.M. snack. - - munch munch UMMF ERRRGH UMFF UMFF UMFF - munch munch munch HURP! HUMFFF ERRRGH UFF UFF - Whew! - -
ga890626 -- Hey! Your cat just drank my coffee! - You'll have to excuse him, sweets. He thinks he's human. - You two have a lot in common, don't you? Ouch.
ga890627 -- Doc, will you go out with me? Sure, let's go now. - CLICK - I didn't say I'd come BACK with him.
ga890628 -- So just where are we going on this date, Jon? Skating, my sweet. - SKATING?! Yes, but first I thought you might enjoy dining out. - Gee, I'm glad I wore my pearls. I'll have 3 triple Binky Burgers with extra nose squeakers.
ga890629 -- Liz is going to be so impressed, Garfield. - Watch ol' Jon work his skating magic on her! - My hero.
ga890630 -- This was a good idea to go skating, wasn't it Liz? - Been skating long, Jon? - Why do you ask that?
ga890701 -- I can't believe it! I'm so embarrassed! - I can't believe I blew a chance to give Liz a good-night kiss! - I can't believe I kissed the doorbell! You're supposed to kiss her and close your eyes, not close your eyes and kiss her, you dip!
ga890702 -- 'Ah got a hole in mah sole, an' ah got dem kitty litter blues' tap tap tap - SLURP! - - - - - WHAP! -
ga890703 -- Hey, Garfield. Do we have any cheese? Yes, we have that in green or brown. - I'm thinking about cleaning the refrigerator out! You can't do that! This food has great historical significance! - This spaghetti sauce was used to cauterize
ga890703 -- wounds during the civil war.
ga890704 -- poink - I wonder if this nail is important. -
ga890705 -- You weigh 12 pounds. - You weigh no pounds. - What do you weigh these days, Garfield. Oh, I'm averaging about 6 pounds.
ga890706 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Ahem...bark, bark, bark. - BARK! YIP! GRRR ROF! BARK! BARK! That was dog for "your mother has fleas".
ga890707 -- Just what is success? To some it's wealth and notoriety...to some it's a simple sense of self-worth, but to me it's contributing something toward the betterment of mankind. - What's your definition of success, Garfield? - Being able to eat 20
ga890707 -- pizzas without throwing up. Whatever you said, I'm sure we all saw that one coming.
ga890708 -- Hey, Odie! Nah, nah, nah, nahhh. naaahhh * - SLURP! - Vet Next
ga890709 -- - The prima ballerina jetes onto the stage. - The olympic gymnast finishes his routine with a full back layout. - Here we are in the final round of the hopscotch competition. - The jackhammer operator rips through 12 inches of concrete. - Oh,
ga890709 -- Garfield. Why can't you just nuzzle like other cats? You deserve better.
ga890710 -- Hey, Garfield! We're going to the farm today! - Fine, I'll be outside... - Letting the air out of your tires.
ga890711 -- Doc Boy! How are you? Don't call me Doc Boy! - Oh, sorry. Hmmm what else did I used to call you?... - Oh, yeah! Iguana Gums! How are you? Call me Doc Boy.
ga890712 -- Sure is peaceful here. Yup, always has been. Always will be. Nothing moves fast here. Nope. - Oh, bys! Dinner! -
ga890713 -- You boys leanin' on the fence? Yeah, dad. - Mind if I join you? Not at all, dad. - You boys gotta lose some weight. Okay, dad.
ga890714 -- Garfield, this is a pig. - Pigs are used for food. I know that. - Your people root for truffles, don't they?
ga890715 -- Look at those pigs, Garfield. - All they ever do is eat and sleep. - GET OUT OF THERE! "Oink," I say.
ga890716 -- Sit on that egg for ya, lady? - - Hey, Odie, guess who's going to the vet today? - Poor Odie. - I had an uncle who went to the vet once... - While he was there, they removed his brain and replaced it with the brin of a chicken. - He spent the
ga890716 -- rest of his life breaking into grocery stores so he could sit on the eggs. - Let's go, Garfield. Me? - You heard me. Give me a minute to preen my feathers.
ga890717 -- I did it! - - I got an entire loaf of bread in my mouth! Congratulations, Garfield.
ga890718 -- Z - Z - BONK! Z
ga890719 -- Well, well, well. I see you're going bird-watching. - You have your field guide, your binoculars and your frying pan. Have fun! - Frying pan? I'll save you a drumstick.
ga890720 -- - Lunch, Garfield! - Don'T touch him or you'll lose my page.
ga890721 -- Z - - * How'd you like to be bitten by a doorstop, fella?
ga890722 -- z - z - For those of you wondering, I'm only half asleep.
ga890723 -- I'll gladly pay you tuesday for a cheeseburger today. - - - - - - beep beep boop beep - Hello?- AYIEEEE! Definitely worth the quarter.
ga890724 -- Let's see what the forecast is today... - "Saccharine with occasional coyness"? - I wonder what that means?
ga890725 -- Well, if this isn't Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. In Person. - Tell me...how is it you've uh, you've... I've stayed the same while you've withered like a two-year-old cantaloupe? - ARRRGH If you nail'em hard, there's plenty of time for a
ga890725 -- getaway.
ga890726 -- Gee, I'd love to be in a cute cat calendar someday. - That could be arranged. Really? -
ga890727 -- - - How's it going? Haven't quite got the hang of it.
ga890728 -- Worried about wrinkles, Garfield? - Just remember, wrinkles only exist to show where the smiles have been. - You life must be a laugh riot. Oh, shut up.
ga890729 -- Z - STOMP ZINNNG! - He didn't even say "goodby".
ga890730 -- Garfield, these rice cakes are nutritious and low in calories. Bingo! The two magic words that make me retch! ptoo - Odieee. Oh, Odie! - Odie! I'm stuck up this tree! Go get help! - What a guy. - What the...? - A bowling ball? What good is
ga890730 -- this? - CRACK! I hate dogs.
ga890731 -- I'm beginning to think there's a bigger world out there... - A sixty-fourth of an inch last night, Garfield! Congratulations, Jon. - Those toenails are really growing now.
ga890801 -- Garfield, I can't scratch you any longer. My hands are cramping up. Fine. - POOK! -
ga890802 -- I love gourmet cooking, Garfield. If it doesn't move, I'll eat it. - cReativity is the key. If it moves a little, I'll eat it. - I just can't get the meat loaf inside the Danish. Heck with it. If I can catch it, I'll eat it.
ga890803 -- I enjoy sophisticated humor. - Fetch, Odie! - BONK! Like watching a dog run into a wall.
ga890804 -- Garfield? Do you think I'm overweight? - Don't be ridiculous. - I needed that.
ga890805 -- Good morning, fellow food freaks. - Dining etiquette rule number one... - Never stand in a warm pizza.
ga890806 -- That's right, kids. It's always nice to share. Soda pop. - * - Rats! - I just can't get comfortable. - If I can't get comfortable, I'll never get to sleep! - Wait a minute...maybe if I raised my right arm and leg and laid my head back and got
ga890806 -- my tail out of the way... - Z I don't even wanna know.
ga890807 -- - What the...? - Penthouse.
ga890808 -- It can't be time to clean uot the refrigerator again. The meat loaf has toadstools. - These leftovers haven't been IN there that long. The baked beans need a trim. - Thy couldn't POSSIBLY be that old. There' an arrowhead in the guacamole.
ga890809 -- C'mon, Garfield, let's exercise to music. - * I got rhythm, I got rhythm. * - Come on, Garfield. * I got a hernia, I got a hernia. *
ga890810 -- I droipped your bed and broke it, Garfield. I'll fix it tomorrow. - - I'll fix it today. Whenever.
ga890811 -- Like my tie, Garfield? Well, I... - You in the house...you are surrounded! - Oh no! It's the geek police! Throw out the tie!
ga890812 -- Ha-ha, Odie. I'm inside and you're outside, and you can't come in! - SLURP! - I THOUGHT this window seemed awfully clean.
ga890813 -- To eat or not to eat, what a silly question. Certainly 'tis nobler to clean thine plate to maketh room for more. - - - - - - -
ga890814 -- It's monday. What an ugly day. - Hey, Garfield. We're going camping! - Maybe if I die, I won't have to go.
ga890815 -- Great day for a camping trip, right, boys? - Yessiree, families should do stuff together. - Good idea. Let's all get carsick.
ga890816 -- Hmm...what's this little handle for? - SCREEEEEEEEEE THONK - Leave the parking brake alone, Garfield!
ga890817 -- Looks like we can't stop for lunch, boys. - I can't find a restaurant. - HEY! I'm on the scent!
ga890818 -- Isn't this fun, boys? You know, I have a feeling nothing's going to spoil this camping trip. - BUMP! - Congratulations, you just ran over a cow.
ga890819 -- Let's get out, get some fresh air and stretch our legs, boys. - - Odiue likes it. Leave the keys so I can listen to the radio.
ga890820 -- I think there's something wrong with this lasagna recipe. - Watch ad learn. - Survival is my life, Garfield. Watch me set up camp. - First we unpack our food, then roll out our sleeping bags... - Build the campfire... rub rub rub rub - And
ga890820 -- finally set up the tent. - Let's see now...what have I forgotten? To notify your next of kin?
ga890821 -- Well, here we are camping, boys. Isn't this perfect? I disagree. - The tent is perfect, the view is perfect. Everything is perfect. It's not perfect yet. - NOW it's perfect.
ga890822 -- This rain will end someday, Garfield. WE just gotta have a sense of humor about this. I'll never be dry again. - HEY! - THERE'S A CARP IN MY KNAPSACK! Where's your sense of humor, Jon?
ga890823 -- Uh, Garfield...we have some snacks in the car. What are you trying to tell me, Jon? - Go get 'em for me, will you? Sure. No problem. -
ga890824 -- The firewood's getting wet, Garfield. Go get it. No way. - I SAID, GO GET IT! Okay! Okay! - Your firewood, Bwana. Oops.
ga890825 -- Go outside and see if it's still raining, Garfield. Yes, sahib. - Good news! It's stopped raining! - It's snowing.
ga890826 -- Hey! It's stopped raining! - Let's go hiking, boys! - See what happens when you don't have sidewalks, Odie.
ga890827 -- Here we are, boys. Out here with mother nature, no cars, no clocks, no stress. ...no TV, no microwave, no refrigerator, no indoor litter box. - - Grrrrr - Odie! Did you hear that? That sounded like a bear! - LET'S GET OUTTA HERE! - Whew! We
ga890827 -- made it! We're safe! - Maybe we should've warned Jon.
ga890828 -- I can't beluieve it. Two weeks cooped up with Jon and Odie in the middle of nowhere. - If I don't get to visit with some rel humanity soon, I'm going to go starkers! - So...rock, read and good books lately?
ga890829 -- Go outside and check for bears, Garfield. Sure, why not? - No...there are no bears out here... - Just pumas.
ga890830 -- Here, Odie, have a toasted marhmallow. - SLURP! - I really do hate camping.
ga890831 -- Okay, so it rained for two weeks. We still had fun, didn't we? - GOOSH! - Okay, so I forgot to roll the window up...
ga890901 -- Do you know what I'm looking forward to after camping, boys? - A nice hot shower. - And from the smell of things, you guys could use one, too.
ga890902 -- Camping was sure fun, wasn't it, boys? - Gee, I wish we could camp just one more night. That can be arranged... - CLICK Enjoy!
ga890903 -- ...and I have a hundred more pet stories. I guess the party's over. - Ye-ha! Whoopee! - * Party! Let's have a party! Yee-ha! I hate fleas. - Ya-hoo! This spray should do the trick. - Gas! Hit the deck, boys! PSSST!
ga890903 -- Ack! Cough, cough. Medic? They got Sam! Speak to us, Sam! - Wheeze...cough...come closer, boys. I gotta say one thing...cough... - What is it, Sam? - * Paaarrty! Let's have a party! ** Yee-ha! This stuff is worthless.
ga890904 -- Okay, campers, it's time to exercise! Let's start with some leg lifts...ready, begin! - Annnd ONE and... - CLICK two.
ga890905 -- ARRRRGH! - I'M BEING CHASED BY A SNAKE IN A FUR COAT. - Something wrong with your tail? Tail? I knew that.
ga890906 -- I can't see! I can't see! - Garfield, your blanket is over your eyes. - I knew that. Sometimes I worry about that boy.
ga890907 -- Jon put a bell around my neck. - He thinks it'll keep me from catching birds. - He's probably right.
ga890908 -- Art is my life. - Voila! - I think I'll call it, "squirrel-tracks leading from empty lasagns pan".
ga890909 -- It's five A.AM., Garfield. A great time to jog. - YAWN - Z I knew that nonsense wouldn't last long.
ga890910 -- I say, "why diet?" I say, "why don't the do something about gravity?" - - This is it, Garfield! I've made up my mind! I'm throwing them out! - Attaboy! Go get !em! - CLICK Okay, time to go! - HEY! WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!---
ga890910 -- WHA...WHOA...-WHA?!...HEY! ...WAIT A MINUTE!! - YAAHH!!! OOF! THUD SOCK POUND POUND - YEOOOWCH! OW! OW! OW! GAAAAAAAG...YAAAAAHH!! POW! CHOKE BIFF BIFF BIFF - When leftovers get real old they can turn mean.
ga890911 -- Sigh...monday. - It's dreary and pouring rain. - What could be worse? There's a motorcycle gang in the driveway.
ga890912 -- Should I be mean or lazy today?... - Or, maybe a happy medium... - I'll just lie here and bite anyone who trips over me.
ga890913 -- This day is the dullest... - Things can't get more boring than this... - Any more stamps around here? Bingo.
ga890914 -- Hey, Garfield! It's hot and humid today! The conditions are perfect! Let's go! - I'm getting a front row seat. - Silence please, we're watching the linoleum curl.
ga890915 -- Wanna spice up those dull meals? - Just dumb your food on the table... - and make it dance! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! You need help, Garfield.
ga890916 -- When people get bored they change things. - For instance, look at Jon here. - That'll tech him to take a nap.
ga890917 -- Kids...please don't try this at home. - YAWN - I'm bored. I gotta find a purpose in life. - FOOF! - - - FOOF - Can I try that? Find your own feather.
ga890918 -- I wonder what time it is? - Hmmmmm - Feels like breakfast time.
ga890919 -- CLICK - WHOCK! - Stupid garage door opener.
ga890920 -- Garfield, is this your box? Yeah. - It's full of mailmen's hats! I'm collecting them. - Where are the mailmen? THEY'VE ESCAPED!
ga890921 -- And now a scientific experiment to see if dogs can land on their feet. - BLOONG -
ga890922 -- I hate eating in bed. - There must be some deep psychological reason for that... - Or maybe it's because I'm lying on my fork.
ga890923 -- Sometimes it's good to get up early and do chores. - AARRRGH! - Like moving the litter box to the side of Jon's bed.
ga890924 -- My mind says "get up and get active," then my body begins to laugh. - Here, boy! - There's something very special about Odie... - CRASH! - That wasn't it. - - CRASH! - Now THAT was special.
ga890925 -- My, my, what's gotten into you this morning? It's what's NOT gotten into me. I'm on a diet, you freak. - I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly. They're ecstatic they're not on diets. - Come on...cheer up. Oh, very well.
ga890926 -- A carrot stick, all I get on my diet is this stupid carrot stick. - Jon says diets are supposedto be pleasurable... - Unless this thing starts tap dancing, I'm gonna be real disappointed.
ga890927 -- Remember, when preparing chicken... - "Waste not, want not" - These beaks make lovely wind chimes. This show's great for the diet.
ga890928 -- How does the diet go, Garfield? Uh, okay. - I'm really proud of you. Yeah, thanks. - Uh, what are you doing in there? Licking the oven grate.
ga890929 -- Garfield, you've dome so well on your diet, I've decided to let you cheat a little. - Here's an extra carrot stick! - Now why nid you noo nat?
ga890930 -- I'm hungry. I need an appetite suppressant. - - Jon's leftovers always so the trick.
ga891001 -- It takes years of practice to get this depressed. - - Cement - ! - - - -
ga891002 -- Garfield, I think we should dispose of all our high-cholesterol foods. Good idea. - ZIP - You ate everything in the refrigerator! No need to thank me, Jon. I'm just a civic-minded kind of guy.
ga891003 -- Jon's starting to worry me. - He's so desperate for companionship he'll talk to anybody... - Even answering machines. My, you have a lovely beep.
ga891004 -- Some tasteless people wear clip-on ties. - - Jon wears clip-on SUITS-
ga891005 -- Here's your dinner, Garfield. How about service with a smile? - - I hope the food is safe to eat.
ga891006 -- ...where's my toothbrush? - Thank you. - BRUSH BRUSH BRUSH BRUSH These are the memories that last a lifetime.
ga891007 -- I wonder if it's time for my midnight snack? - Hmmm...eight P.M. - Close enough.
ga891008 -- * Oh, mouseeeey! Why don't you come out and see me? * I can see you fine from heeeere * - Get out here, mouse, or I'm coming in after you! Ha! You couldn't even get your fat head through the hole. - Oh, yeah? Well we'll just see! About that,
ga891008 -- gorgonzola lips! - UHNNGGGHHH! ERRRGGHHHH! HUURRRRRRP! - AHA! Now where's you go? POP! - I'm stuck. - What the....?! - I think I've been had.
ga891009 -- Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! - No! It's... WHOP! - SUPER POOKY!
ga891010 -- Pooky makes me feel safer at night... - That's because he's so soft... - He also has a black belt in Karate.
ga891011 -- ZIP GULP! - WHANG! WHAP! - ZIP Pooookeeee!
ga891012 -- - Just right! -
ga891013 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff - PLOP -
ga891014 -- - VERY FUNNY, GARFIELD! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME THINK YOUR TEDDY BEAR CAN SKATE! - Say again?
ga891015 -- This is all part of the joy of having pets. - - - - ZWIP! - - It's all in the wrist.
ga891016 -- Z - Asleep again, Garfield? - Define "again".
ga891017 -- Garfield, have you seen the mousetrap I baited with gouda cheese? Nope. - - OOHK ARRRK EEHHK URRRK
ga891018 -- Jon and I make a great team. - He likes to cook, and I like to eat. - Want some ketchup on that armadillo? - I'm breaking up the act.
ga891019 -- - GOOSH! - Garfield, I put. The water in my food bowl. I know.
ga891020 -- Seeing a magnificient universe such as this makes me feel like an insignificant speck. - How about you, Garfield? You're right. - I think you're an insignificant speck too.
ga891021 -- Delbert's doughnut shop...hello? - YOU WANT DOUGHNUTS? WE GOT CREAM FILLED DOUGHNUTS, CHOCOLATE DOUGHNUTS, JELLY FILLED DOUGHNUTS, HELLO? ANYBODY THERE? CLICK! - I like staying in touch with my loved ones.
ga891022 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff The mighty hunter. - No Lifeguard On Duty. - - - TOO-WHIT WHIT WHIT - BAYEEEEEOOOOOUUU YORBLE YORBLE YORBLE - GREEEEEBELNICK NICK NICK NICK . Hm...it's not working. - Maybe I "nicked' when I should have "greeeebeled".
ga891023 -- Brrr, there's a chill in here this morning. - What an eerie sensation... - This doesn't feel like mxy home. To be continued...
ga891024 -- Jon? Odie? - Anybody home? - I'm alone. You have no idea how alone you are, Garfield.
ga891025 -- Steady, Garfield, there must be a good reason why the house is empty. - Jon must be at the grocery. - For Sale
ga891026 -- My home has been abandoned. No one has lived here for years! - But that means...I haven't lived here for years! - WHAT'S THAT?! -
ga891027 -- Jon! Odie! You're home! Hello, Garfield. Have some food. - - - Locked fast within a time when he no longer exists, Garfield grapples with his greatest fear. ...loneliness.
ga891028 -- After years of taking life for granted, Garfield is shaken by a horrifying vision of the inevitable process called "time". He has only one weapon... - DEnial... I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE - Want some breakfast, Garfield? - Who needs it? I need
ga891028 -- you! - An imagination is a powerful tool. It can tint memories of the past, shade perceptions of the present, or paint a future so vivid that it can entice...or terrify, all depending upon how we conduct ourselves today... End
ga891029 -- SCOOP - SCOOP - YAWN SCOOP - SMACK SMACK - stir stir stir - slook - SPIIIIIIIIT - Mornings.
ga891030 -- Boo - Huh? Boo - Oh...right. Not the scariest ghost movie I've ever seen.
ga891031 -- Guess what, Jon! I can hypnotize myself! - I am getting sleepy! Verrrry sleepy! - Z The Amazing Garfield.
ga891101 -- KICK! Don't worry! I have this flawlessly calculated. - TWANG! See? A 25-foot leash. - Oh yeah...and 2-foot arms.
ga891102 -- Garfield, do you realize I probably saved you from a life of living in the streets? scratch scratch scratch - And now I spoil you rooten. Bless you, Jon. scratch scratch acratch - Now let's get that backside, shall we?
ga891103 -- Thirty days without food or water, lost in the burning desert! I can't last much longer...this is it, men... - SPLOT! GASP...farewell! - Garfield, what are you doing? Dinner theater.
ga891104 -- Next to lasagna, I must have another favorite food. - GULP! - It's a never-ending quest.
ga891105 -- Oh! I see that you've found my rubber mousey. - - SWOOSH - THUD! - Ouch! whimper whimper - poke poke - - Thanks, buddy.
ga891106 -- Hey, Garfield! We're going to the farm today! Well, shut my mouth and paint me red! - Well, shoot the horse and slap me silly! - Now, cut that out. Well, stomp on frogs and shove a crowbar up my nose!
ga891107 -- There are so many great things to do on a farm. - Yup - Eating and leaving come to mind.
ga891108 -- Farms are so dull. - Maybe there's something exciting in here... - AIIIYYYEEEEEE SPLOOSH!
ga891109 -- Come on, Garfield. Dad's gonna take us into town to see the new stoplight. - I've had all the excitement I can stand for the day, thanks. - After this morning's tour of the new indoor plumbing.
ga891110 -- MOM! THERE'S A WHITE MOUSE IN MY ROOM. - DAD! DOC BOY! COME QUICK! - It's white, all right! Must be one of them albinos! They're very rare! These people need a TV.
ga891111 -- Thanks, mom. We really ha- How about taking some food with you? - Wel...maybe just a... DAD! - Hey, Doc Boy! I think that side of beef will fit in the trunk!
ga891112 -- Anything else you'd care to fix, Jon? - - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Hello there, little housefly. - Wait! You're not a housefly! - You're a Zordogian Sun Sponge, sent here to rob the planet earth of all its sunbeams! - But wait! They get their energy
ga891112 -- from the sun! If I close the drapes, I will deprive it of its life-giving sunlight. - ZIP! DIE, SUN SUCKER! - HA HAAA! IT'S ALREADY DISINTEGRATING INTO A HIDEOUS, GREEN, STEAMING GELATINOUS MASS! I hate being left out.
ga891113 -- Gee, I can't seem to wake up this morn... Z - Oh. Z - POP! - Much Better.
ga891114 -- - Tag! You're it! KICK! CRASH! - Dogs certainly are playful!
ga891115 -- The weather today will be partly cloudy with a chance of rain. - If you need me, I'll be out from rotating the tire on my unicycle. - And the owner today will be partly dippy with a chance of stupid.
ga891116 -- BURRRRR - RRRRRRRP! CLICK! - You're disgusting. 43 seconfd! A new record!
ga891117 -- Heeeeey, kids! Wanna see Binky do a magic trick? - Well, forget it! I'm not speding another minute in this supid clown suit! - A am an actor! But, noooo...too short they said!... - Third time this week. He's lost it.
ga891118 -- YAWN - What a great nap. - Maybe a tad long, though.
ga891119 -- Just think, Odie, our lives are in his hands. - THUNK! - This chair isn't level. thunk thunk - That's easy enough to fix. - KACHINK-KACHINK- - KACHINK-KACHINK-KACHINK- - KACHINK-KACHINK-KACHINK- - KACHINK-KACHINK-KACHINK- - GARFIELD!!!
ga891120 -- - CLOMP! -
ga891121 -- - WHOCK! -
ga891122 -- - - YEEEK!
ga891123 -- - WHOMP! - YEEEEK!
ga891124 -- - FWIP FWIP FWIP - YEEEK!
ga891125 -- C'mon down, spider. - Looky, looky, looky!... - Do you like chocolate milk shakes?
ga891126 -- Sigh. - Sure is a quiet, lazy sunday afternoon, isn't it, Garfield? Sure is. - Kinda makes me feel like singin' the blues. - * Ain't got change for a nickel, ain't got laces for my shoes, now my baby's left me... ** ain't got nothin' but the
ga891126 -- blues. * - HEY THERE, GOOD-LOOKIN', I GOT THE BLUES. WANNA CHEER ME UP?! - You?! The blues?! Ha! There you sit in your powder blue Oxford shirt in your own home in a middle-class suburb. You don't know nothin' 'bout the blues! - WELL; EXCUSE
ga891126 -- ME FOR SUCCEEDING!!! It WAS a quiet, lazy sunday afternoon.
ga891127 -- YAWN . Erk! - This is known as "cold-floor shock".
ga891128 -- Garfield, you have no self-control. Oh, yeah? Watch this! - Down, boy! Down! Atta boy! WHOP! - Pathetic. Go to sleep, boy! Good boy!
ga891129 -- Ah, there's my first cup of coffee for the day. - And my first doughnut for the day. - HEY, WHERE'S MY BREAKFAST? And my first joke on Jon for the day.
ga891130 -- My, you're looking pleasant today! - I'm making a conscious effort. - I tied my ears behind my head.
ga891201 -- I have the last of the ice cream, Garfield. Fine. - I'm going to eat it, and you not. Enjoy. - I replaced it with lard.
ga891202 -- This is a flea collar, Garfield. - And do you know what we do with flea collars? - Noooo...guess again.
ga891203 -- I could have sworn I left my secret formula here somewhere. - - - - click Heeey, kids!
ga891204 -- 5-4-3-2-1 - ARRRGH! - The old "cat-hair-in-the-toothbrish" gets him every time.
ga891205 -- Note anything different about me, Garfield? Hmmmm? - Could it be the clown faceI put on you while you were asleep? - I got a new shirt! I guess I'm not very observent.
ga891206 -- No mail again today? - Garfield, have you been harassing the mailman again? Hey, relax. - He'll be back for his pants. You're an animal.
ga891207 -- Garfield, have you seen my striped tie? I can't find it anywhere! - Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wear my polka dot tie instead. - * Now he's a dip coming AND going.
ga891208 -- With dogs it's easy, but it sure is hard to tell your moods, Garfield. Not really. - This is happy. - And this is mad.
ga891209 -- GARFIELD! WAKE UP! Z - Oh, no. I slept in the corner again. - Oh, sure, laugh. And I suppose this has never happened to you?
ga891210 -- Insomnia claims yet another victim. - - BARK! SPLAT! - - SLAP! boink boink boink - - reek reek reek - I saw nothing. BIFF! POW! BAP!
ga891211 -- What do you wanna do today, boys? - - Wanna decorate the tree? That would be nice.
ga891212 -- I'm home with the tree, boys! And I can't put presents under a tree that' not decorated. - WHOOSH - You missed. More the right this time, Odie! And hurry! Time's a wastin'!
ga891213 -- Jon's gonna put my present right there. It's gonna be big and real expensive, and...and... - Hmm...big. - It's gonna be big and...
ga891214 -- - - I haven't bought you a Christmas gift yet, Garfield. - Then how am I supposed to find where you hid it?
ga891215 -- - AH-HA! SWIPE - I still haven't bought your Christmas gift. I knew that.
ga891216 -- I love the Christmas season. - Call me sentimental... - But, the greed just rips at my heartstrings.
ga891217 -- Okay, okay, no more Christmas carols. - My public awaits. jingle jingle jingle - jingle, jingle, jingle - Season's greetings, holiday revelers. How do you get to the north pole? - Why just go to the south pole and head anywhere! - Why do
ga891217 -- Santa's reindeer fly?... It's faster than walking! - How many elves does it take to make a bean bag chair?... Six if you stuff 'em in real tight! - And ho-ho-ho, boy, it's Santa Fat.
ga891218 -- Okay, Garfield, I have finally bought your Christmas present. - I have, however, hidden it. - In a SFAE place.
ga891219 -- - - He'll never find where I hid his Christmas present.
ga891220 -- I'll bet Jon ahid my Christmas present under the couch. - - Nope, not there.
ga891221 -- Odie, you're a dog, right? I want you to track down my Christmas present. Arf! - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff He's hot on the trail now, folks. - Odie, Odie, Odie.
ga891222 -- - You're not even close, Garfield. - Boy, cah that guy hide a Christmas present or what?
ga891223 -- I give up! - I have looked everywhere for my Christmas present... - That sucker is nowhere to be found!
ga891224 -- I feel festive! - - Garfield, what do you really, REALLY, want for Christmas? What I really, REALLY, want is... - ...uh, I guess it's hard to gift wrap sleep, isn't it` - And food, I get food all year 'round. - Got my teddy bear and my bed
ga891224 -- and this house... - - And my friends. - What I really want is a second helping of everything.
ga891225 -- Okay, Garfield, open your gift! - SURPRISE! - It's family! Bearing food! You know what I like!
ga891226 -- I love the holiday season...all the family together, sharing holiday memories. I almost hate to see new year's come. - BOOGIE! BOOGIE! BOOGIE! - And then there are those of us who live for the moment!
ga891227 -- Why aren't you wearing the Christmas present mom made you, Garfield? It looked better on Odie. - - GARFIELD!
ga891228 -- For the new year, I resolve to be more polite to dogs. - KICK! CRASH! - Excuse me!
ga891229 -- I wonder what this next year will hold for me? - I'll probably slip through the year in a half-conscious, sleep-induced state, overeating and being rude to Odie. - Just a wild hunch.
ga891230 -- - HONK! SPOOT! - What are you doing?!! Practicing for tomorrow night!
ga891231 -- You know, Garfield, it's tough being the life of the party. You couldn't be the life of the party at a morgue. - Stand aside, Garfield. There's a wild and crazy new year's party out there with my name on it! Can I go, too? - Now while I'm
ga891231 -- busy being the life of the party, you sit in the corner and do whatever it is cats do. Yes, sir. - Hey, hey! Here comes "Mr. Party Animal"! - Hey, everybody! - Did anybody here order 2000 pepperoni pizzas?! - Who am I? And where did I get
ga891231 -- this rubber chicken? - Water balloons are four o'clock. - I love the way this chip dip squishes between my toes! Hey! Turn down those chain saws! - Are you here for the human sacrifice? We love your cat! Want him?
ga900101 -- Here it is, new year's day. - Time to celebrate, Garfield style! - Z
ga900102 -- DOOF! - Garfield, what made you do that?! - I think it was the earflaps.
ga900103 -- Welcome to "Truth is Stranger Than Fiction Theater". - The following story you are about to see is absolutely true. - Except, of course, for the stuff we made up to make it more interesting. I love television.
ga900104 -- What's new, Garfield? - Well, King Kong is on the roof batting down airplanes. The entire planet is being ravaged by brain-eating aliens... - But more important, my dish is empty.
ga900105 -- Do you want the rest of that cereal? - Garfield, you've just had a dozen doughnuts, six pancakes, a pound of ham and a quart of milk. - So, what's your point?
ga900106 -- Look, Jon! I cleaned my bowl! - I ate every bit of my dinner! Aren't you proud of me? - How about the fact thet I ate your dinner, too? Does that impress you?
ga900107 -- Hey, guys, let's make snow angels. Nah, let's make Odie lick more bumpers. - - - - - - pat pat pat pat pat pat -
ga900108 -- Time for bed! - CRACK! - It's diet time. Rats.
ga900109 -- I have a new diet for you, Garfield. sniff sniff Smells great! - There you go. I can't wait! - Oh no! You can't eat it. Oh no! Not the AROMA diet?!
ga900110 -- - - How goes the diet? Oh...you know.
ga900111 -- For your diet, I expect you to drink 12 glasses of water a day. Got it. - GARFIELD! - What's that slice of pizza doing in your glass?! Pizza?! I thought that was a water spot!
ga900112 -- Diets stink. - Here's your boiled cabbage, Garfield. - I rest my case.
ga900113 -- Hey, c'mon, fella. I'm just a bathroom scale. - I don't do livestock. - EEERRRRRRGGGGG!
ga900114 -- What happened?! Odie was just showing me his impression of a chihuahua. - - - - SHOOF - - - SHOOF - - SHOOF - ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!! I'LL FIX YOUR BREAKFAST!!!
ga900115 -- I've painted eyeballs on my eyelids... - "Why?" You ask? - And when I was three, I remember mom coming out to the chicken coop saying, "Jonny, Jonny, Jonny, where have..."
ga900116 -- Boy, what a great nap! scratch scratch - STRETCH -
ga900117 -- - - I have hair in my ears! I sensed an impending crisis.
ga900118 -- Z - WHIRRRRRRRR - GARFIELD; HAVE YOU SEEN MY PENCIL SHARPENER?
ga900119 -- Life sure was great on the farm, Garfield. Here we go. - Soft summer breezes, golden fields of wheat... - Then, came the locusts. Good, a happy ending.
ga900120 -- Jon thinks he can trap me into going to the vet using a grilled cheese sandwich as bait. - What kind of gluttonous idiot does Jon take me for anyway? - What, no picle?
ga900121 -- The brownie troop strikes again. - Z - - pant pant pant pant - I'm trying to take a nap. Odie. Now scram! pant pant pan - YAWN pant pant pant pant - SLOSH! - I don't know whether to scream or buy a boat.
ga900122 -- tick tick tick tick tick tick tick That ticking is driving me crazy! - shake shake shake - tock tock tock tock tock tock
ga900123 -- - Here, Jon! Have a bon. - Where did you get this?
ga900124 -- Jon, I have good news and bad news. - The bad news is, that Odie got his face stuck in the vacuum cleaner. - The good news is, I think we solved our ant problem.
ga900125 -- - HA! BEAT YOU TO IT! - Uh, Garfield. Would you mind taking your claws out of my hand? Give me a good reason.
ga900126 -- Your dinner, sire. - He's finally learning his place! - I was being sarcastic. Don't ruin the moment for me, Jon.
ga900127 -- - - Is this a new dish, Garfield? Nope, it's your old wading pool.
ga900128 -- Never ask others to help you diet. - - grinka - ? - grinka grinka - grinka grinka grinka grinka grinka - Stupid recliner. - WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
ga900129 -- Forget it, Garfield. C'mon, Jon! - Go on a diet! Please? - I refuse to describe your feet! Just tell me ig they're happy!
ga900130 -- Packing on a little weight there, aren't you, Garfield? - Absolutely not! - And by the way, your TV tray's sitting on my stomach.
ga900131 -- Ah, here it is. - They say wearing vertical stripes makes you look thinner. - Or, in my case, like a water melon.
ga900201 -- I'm too fat. - SCRIK! - Now I'm too tall.
ga900202 -- What a great idea! - I've never looked thinner. -
ga900203 -- Maybe this recliner will press me out thinner... - Hey! It works! - Just call me "Slim Jim".
ga900204 -- Garfield, you wouldn't know what happened to my fern, would you? Who, me? - - Sigh. - Jon's not home... - Odie's taking a nap... Z - And Pooky's being cleaned. - - Sigh.
ga900205 -- YAWN - I wonder what time it is? - Let's see...the big hand is on the floor, and the little handis unde rthe couch in the living room, so...
ga900206 -- Here's something you'll enjoy, Garfield. We'll see. - A beautiful sunset... - And a cookie. You're right.
ga900207 -- - Ever had a night when you just couldn't get comfortable? - So has Jon.
ga900208 -- Look, Garfield, a lion! My great uncle was a lion. - King of the jungle! Yup, he was a big shot. - The mighty hunter... Then, one day, he ate a sick monkey.
ga900209 -- Garfield, there was a pan of lasagna here. - Where's the lasagna? Resting comfortably. - Where's the pan? Resting not so comfortably.
ga900210 -- Garfield! What have I told you about climbing curtains? - I'm not climbing curtains. - I do, however, have a real bad case of static cling.
ga900211 -- Vacancy--> Hungry, Garfield? - - The mighty lion lies in wait... - He spies a herd of eggs over easy! - They become skittish, sensing danger... - HE STRIKES! - The village dam bursts, sending orange juice gushing through the melee! - Can't I
ga900211 -- have a normal breakfast? Sometimes he hears the rustling of toast in the bush!
ga900212 -- Okay, heads I watch TV, tails I stay in bed. ting! - - HEYYYY! Kids!
ga900213 -- I'm helping Jon with the housecleaning. - Here, Jon. I cleaned the candy out of the box. - Now I'll see if there's anything cluttering up the cookie jar.
ga900214 -- - Nobdy can relax like you, Garfield. How do you do it? -Slipping while swinging from the light fixture halps.
ga900215 -- - - I'm being ignored.
ga900216 -- May I have a lock of your hair? - SNIP! - I'll keep it as a memento of how stupid you look right now.
ga900217 -- A funny thing happened to me on my way to the fence tonight. - -
ga900218 -- Z - Z - POINK! - STRRRETCH - - SNERK! - PLOP! - Z False start.
ga900219 -- I only know two things about life... - I love my teddy bear and my teddy bear loves me. - Simple truths are the most profound truths.
ga900220 -- - -
ga900921 -- Here you goo, Pooky. - Hang on tight, now. - Sniff, they grow up so fast.
ga900922 -- Wanna go jogging? I'm busy. - Honestly, Garfield. I have the feeling you think more of that teddy bear than you do of me! - Pay no attention to ol' what's-his-name, Pookie.
ga900923 -- - - Gave your bear a bath? How'd you guess?
ga900924 -- Why is that teddy bear of mine always getting lost? Why can't I ever find him? - POOOOOOOO-KY! - And why am I cupping my hands over my mouth?
ga900225 -- Plastic birdbaths require a less direct approach. - - - PHOOT! - - - PHOOT! - -
ga900226 -- Oh, Garfield! Breakfast! - CRACK! CRACK! - You wouldn't perchance, know who nailed my blanket to my bed, would you? snick snick snick snick
ga900227 -- Odie - GULP -
ga900928 -- Stop, Vermin. Eek. - You'll never escape. Help, help. - One of the great chase scenes. Z z
ga900301 -- What are those, mommy? - Well, the cute one is a cat, and...uh, the other one appears to be some kind of fat weasel or something. - Are you going to let her talk about you like that?
ga900302 -- I adore you! I worship you! I love you more than life itself! I can't live without you! - Uh...Garfield? Yes? - Why are you talking to my popsicle?
ga900303 -- Some flowers for you, my dear. - Gee, I'll bet they used to be lovely. - And tasty too.
ga900304 -- I'll just have a drumstick. - digga digga digga digga digga - digga digga digga digga digga - digga digga digga digga - digga digga - digga digga digga digga digga - Uh, Odie. DIGGA DIGGA DIGGA DIGGA DIGGA
ga900305 -- Garfield, life is like a festival. - You have to get out there and enjoy it! That's what my uncle Arno said. - You're not moving. He was run over a parade.
ga900306 -- What a beautiful day! - A day that says, "come outside and enjoy me!" - I prefer a day that says, "stay inside, relax, watch some TV, grab a nap."
ga900307 -- I'm depressed, Garfield. - And do you know what I do when I'm depressed? - I play the BONGOS! Now I'M depressed.
ga900308 -- I'm bored. - - Wanna look at my tongue and guess what I've been eating? Go away.
ga900309 -- - - Thanks.
ga900310 -- - FOOF - And the crowd goes wild.
ga900311 -- Keep flapping, Odie. We want all the little birdies to feel welcome. - cheep cheep cheep - cheep cheep cheep - - - Hee hee - HA HA! HAAAA - Enjoy yourself outside, Garfield? I thought I'd die landing.
ga900312 -- - In case you didn't notice, I just chased a mouse through here! - Bravo. clap clap clap
ga900313 -- - Odie and I are going to play on the roof. - Roller skates?! Look out below!
ga900314 -- I'm turning the tables on Garfield. I'm stealing HIS dinner. - I HAVE GARFIELD'S FOOD! I HAVE GARFIELD'S FOOD! - What's all the commotion about?
ga900315 -- Ever notice how other cats scamper around, Garfield? - YOu never scamper. - You sort of ooze. I have bad knees.
ga900316 -- I've lengthened my name... - And I do believe it will serve me well. - Garfield Horatiq III, Esq. Embellished our name, did we? Fill 'er up!
ga900317 -- We're going to the lake, Garfield! I hate the lake. - Boating! Last time I ate a toad. - Fishing! - Came back with the tongue warts
ga900318 -- Now this is my kind of refrigerator magnet. - Z - Hmmm, the stare'im-in-the-face-till-he-wakes-up-routine isn't working. Z - Z WHAP WHAP WHAP And the slap'im-silly-with-the-tail routine isn't either. - Z It's time to call in the heavy
ga900318 -- artillery. - Oh, Odie! - You know what to do, boy. - Yes, it's the cold-nose-in-the-middle-of-the-back routine.
ga900319 -- Yeeuck! A spider! - This can of bug spray ought to do the trick. - KRONG KRONG KRONG
ga900320 -- Do you realize I'm your best friend, Garfield? - OH, NO! - What happened to the pizza delivery boy?!
ga900321 -- Ha ha! You look like an Eskimo, Garfield. - - GET OUT OF THE FREEZER!
ga900322 -- Garfield, have you seen my shoes? Many times. - And, by the way... - Have you seen my new flowerpots?
ga900323 -- Garfield, you eat enough to eat three cats. - I know, Jon, and I'm so ashamed. - Now be a good boy and fetch dessert. I'm glad we had this talk.
ga900324 -- Fascinating. - You know, Garfield, people should read more books. - I thought so.
ga900325 -- Hold this for a minute. - sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff - -
ga900326 -- Good evening, ladies and germs. - SPLAT! - CRASH! Now you've done it!
ga900327 -- tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - SPLAT! - tappity tappity tappity
ga900328 -- - SPLUT! - "Swap Pie". CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
ga900329 -- tappity tappity tappity - reeeek - SPLAT!
ga900330 -- tappity tappity tappity tappity Pkay, bring it home, Garfield! tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - - That's it for tonight, folks.
ga900331 -- tappity tappity tappity - SHUNK! -
ga900401 -- HEY! Yeah, you! The one sitting there reading this paper. GOT ANYTHING TO EAT? - sniff sniff - Oh-ho! What's that? - Looks like a bowl of food for me. - And Jon's nowhere around... - Looks like I'll have to serve myself. - TUG - Couldn't
ga900401 -- wait, could you? tap tap tap
ga900402 -- Look Garfield. I've had my portrait done! - - I'll get the darts.
ga900403 -- Should I tell Jon there's a spider crawling up his leg? - Should I tell Jon there's a spider crawling up his shirt? - YAAAAAAH! I guess that little dilemma took care of itself.
ga900404 -- Whew! Boy, I ate too much. Know what I mean? - - NO, I guess you wouldn't. Aren't you going to lick your plate?
ga900405 -- What's new, Garfield? I'm teaching Odie to fly. - THUD! - Homework.
ga900406 -- I've carved this lovely statue. - Using only my claws. - And the sofa.
ga900407 -- Here, Garfield! - Good boy! You came when I called! - Are you talking to me?
ga900408 -- Now, there's a face that would make even a mother scream. - coo-coo coo-coo - Garfield, I could sit here and pet you all evening. - But it's almost seven and I have to get ready for my date. You'll have to get down now. I like it here. -
ga900408 -- C'mon, Garfield! She'll be here any minute! Get down! But I'm warm and cozy! - DING * DONG! Oh, great! There she is now! Garfield, get DOWN! - OW! HEY! NO CLAWS! STOP THAT! DOWN! DOWN! GET OFF! OW! STOPPIT! - My, don't you look lovely this
ga900408 -- evening.
ga900409 -- You know, we're both getting pretty porky lately, Garfield. Oink oink - I think we should diet together. Diet together by yourself. - After all, "misery loves company". Is your family coming for a visit?
ga900410 -- - Garfield, we're on a diet. Leave Odie's food alone! -
ga900411 -- growll - ROAARR - Dueling diets. I won.
ga900412 -- - - AHA! AHA!
ga900413 -- Not enough to eat, Garfield? - Let me take care of that. -
ga900414 -- Garfield, this diet is one of the healthiest we've ever been on. - It only lacks one thing. - Food. I concur.
ga900415 -- I'm suddenly feeling very sympathetic to cantaloupes. - Z - Garfield, breakfast! Z - - SLURP - SHOOF! Take that stupid blanket off! - - SLURP
ga900416 -- Garfield will get a kick out of this apron! Kiss The Cook - Oh, Garfield! - Never mind. Feed The Cat. What?
ga900417 -- Good morning, Garfield. - GOOD MORNING! - You gotta cut down. YES, THANKS! I WILL HAVE AN 11TH CUP OF COFFEE!
ga900418 -- Poor Jon. - He was hoping to win a marathon... - But he passed out lacing his shoes.
ga900419 -- I sent Garfield out for the day. - Maybe this will get his mind off food for a change. - Big cupcake spill on the highway! Figures.
ga900420 -- You know, Garfield, sometimes I think my life has been a failure. - ...that I'm a loser and a bore. - But, then I get out my lint collection and I know it's been worth it. Z
ga900421 -- Viewers, are you lethargic? - Let us help you. No thanks. - I wrote the book of lethargy.
ga900422 -- SEE The World's Fattest Cat Tickets I'd be very upset about this if I weren't getting 10% of the gate. - - Jon says I'm not pulling my weight around here. - - So there are a few mice around. Big deal. - - And one or two squirrels, so what? -
ga900422 -- I think the armadillo herd pushed him over the edge.
ga900423 -- My old school chum is coming to visit, Garfield. - * DING DONG ** There he is now! - Wheezer! Carp face! I'll find a motel.
ga900424 -- Wheezer this is my cat, Garfield. - Looks just like you, carp face! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! - BOOGA! BOOGA! BOOGA! HONK! HONK! This is going to be a long week.
ga900425 -- Here we are in biology class. Yeah. - Remember dissecting those frogs. Yeah. - And I put that lung down your shirt? Yeah! Hey! Hey! I'm eating here!
ga900426 -- Here we are at the prom. - Yeah, too bad we couldn't find dates. - That strapless chiffon gown was you. Do you think the tiara was too much? I think I've heard enough.
ga900427 -- Hey, Garfield, here's your owner's senior picture. Uh... - Jon Arbuckle "Carpface" - This explains a lot.
ga900428 -- Hey, carp face, remember the reptile? That dance we used to do on the floor? What a hoot! Let's do it! - * Yeah, let's do the reptile ** The ** Rep-rep-rep-rep-reptile. - I can't get up. Neither can I- And they say you can't go back.
ga900429 -- Grrrr I'm glad I'm near the sink. - Boy, that was fun. - Thanks for coming to visit, Wheezer. Yeah, it was great catching up old school days. - Well so long...and HONK! HONK! HONK! - BOOGA! BOOGA! BOOGA! - WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP! slap slap slap
ga900429 -- YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! - WHEEDIE! WHEEDIE! WHEEDIE! OOGA! OOGA! OOGA! - NYAHH! NYAHH! NYAHH! HOOGIE! HOOGIE! HOOGIE! I hate long goodbyes.
ga900430 -- Oh, silly me. - It must be one of those mornings. - What worries me is that JON isn't worried.
ga900501 -- I worry when Jon goes out. - - I worry he'll come home.
ga900502 -- Garfield, do not eat my doughnut. - - Your lips said "no", but your eyes said "yes".
ga900503 -- Huh?! What's that noise? - CLICK! Sounds like it's comingfrom the kitchen. - Now when did I get that ugly centerpiece? ice cream
ga900504 -- Kinda gloomy out there this morning isn't it, Garfield? - Well, not to worry, I have an antidote! - Good morning, sunshine! The sad part is, he was up all night making these.
ga900505 -- Jon loves the works on his hamburger. - It has lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, mustard, catsup, onions, cheese, - and I have the meat.
ga900506 -- tap tap Nobody here but us crumbs. - - Hmmm...needs a little salt. - - -
ga900507 -- Z - Z Amateurs. - Z
ga900508 -- BOO! BOO! BOO! Sure, "boo" my jokes. I'm only doing this for my mother. - My dear, sweet mother, "make 'em laugh, sonny," she used to say. - GET HIS MOTHER! YEAH! Tough crowd.
ga900509 -- There's something special about getting mail, Garfield. - It's nice to know someone's thinking of you. - Dear deadbeat, send a payment or I'll repossess your teeth. From your brother! How sweet!
ga900510 -- Good evening, Monsieur. - For your pleasure, I have prepared dinner. - And, for your convenience, I have eaten it.
ga900511 -- I'm going to get some honey as soon as I clear these bees out of here. - Fore which I have a plan. - Okay, Odie. Make a sound like a daisy.
ga900512 -- Garfield, that's a silly hat. - But, then, you ARE eccentric. - Cunning, too.
ga900513 -- I hear the mailmen are really biting around these parts. - - - ZWIP! YAAH! - WHAM! - - YEEK! - YEOW! WHAM! WOOAAH! WHAM! ARRGH! WHAM! WHAM! Ah, bananas are sure good for you.
ga900514 -- - - You gotta make your own fun.
ga900515 -- Yes! It's I, Banana Man! Here to bring humor to the world! - Just spread a few peels around... - And, voila! Instant fun!
ga900516 -- Why, just look at that gloomy face! - Fear not! Banana Man is here to help! - Why...why thank you, Banana Man. I feel better already!
ga900517 -- Yikes! Another dreary, listless soul in need of assistance. - From...Banana Man! - Moo?
ga900518 -- SPLAT! - Garfield, you're carrying this banana ting too far! - Thmile when you thay that!
ga900519 -- Garfield! I'm sick of your stupid "Banana Man" routine! Now find something else to do! - - Hi! I'm the Chicken Man, here to entertain you!
ga900520 -- - - YAAAAAHHHH!!! - - - NOW what are you doing? - I always floss between mailmen.
ga900521 -- Time to water the ol' lawn. wind wind wind - YANK! - GARFIELD!!! WHIRRRR
ga900522 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff ? - sniff sniff sniff sniff -
ga900523 -- Cats are always up to something... - Sneaking around the house, chasing rubber balls... - Learning to use the can opener! My life has new meaning!
ga900524 -- And so as the sun gently sets... - We pack up our memories... - And bid farewell to our first annual cheese festival.
ga900525 -- Well, partner, that was the last bean. - Yup, looks like we'll have to eat the cat. - I'll ge the taco shells. Boy, are they going to get a nasty letter.
ga900526 -- - TONK TONK TONK Ahhhh. - TONK TONK TONK Tonk tonk tonk?
ga900527 -- GARFIELD! - Sigh - Look at me, Garfield. I look awful. No you don't. - What if you got a face-lift? - And a tummy tuck. BOOF! - And didn't slouch. - And loosened up. - NOW you look awful.
ga900528 -- You don't look to well today, Garfield. I feel fine. Leave me alone. - Let me see your tongue. No way! - Okay, then, it's off to the vet. Wait! Wait! Here it is!
ga900529 -- How about a date, doc? I'll think about it after I wheel your cart over to x-ray. - CRASH - Tables with wheels! What won't they think of next?! I've thoight about it...the answer is "no".
ga900530 -- "Have a cup of coffee, Jon." Why, thanks, don't mind if I do. - Congratulations, Mr. Arbuckle. - You are going to give birth to a fine, healthy litter of puppies. I hate puppies!
ga900531 -- You have the most bewitching eyes... - They cast a spell on me. Well, it's not working. - How come? You're not a SLUG yet.
ga900601 -- Ss, doc, how is my cat? He'll live. - And how are my chances of getting a date? - I'm afraid THEY'RE terminal.
ga900602 -- Last chance, doc. Will you go out with me? - What the heck. Okay. - REALLY?! Looks like your cat will be needing a house call anyway.
ga900603 -- tick tick tick tick - tick tick tick tick This clock is driving me nuts! - tick tick tick tick tick I think I'll move it. - To Jon's underwear drawer. tick tick tick - Z - Wake up, Garfield! It's almost... - BRRIIIINNNGG * ** Seven o'clock?
ga900604 -- * Got a date with my dream chick. She is cure and that's just a start. - * Oh, yeah, she's a vet, and better yet she'll make a house call on my heart. ** * - * Doo wop doo wop You are witnessing a phenomenon known ad the mating ritual of the
ga900604 -- nerd.
ga900605 -- The secret to imressing a date is not appearing to be eager. Notice how calm and cool I am. - * DING DONG ** Shae's here! - WHAP! Sigh.
ga900606 -- Hey, how about that weather? Reckon it'll rain, I suppose...if not, it won't...nope...nope. - Relay, Jon. I guess I am a little chatty, aren't I? I'll quiet down. - Plus, I just ran out of subject matter.
ga900607 -- I have the uneasy feeling that your cat is going to show up. Nonsense, my dear. - This is a class restaurant. - You're overestimating Garfield.
ga900608 -- The plate is hot, monsieur. Thanks, Shorty. - YAAAH! THIS PLATE IS HOT! THE FOOD'S GOING DOWN MY SHIRT! - HOT! HOT! HOT! I'll dirve you home.
ga900609 -- Well, here we are at the front door, Liz. - - SPLAT! Uh, come in.
ga900610 -- Jon, how did you know that rocky road pistachio bubble gum sherbet topped with butter pecan candy coating was my favorite ice cream? - - YUK! - - BOK! TOK! - POK! - HURK! MMMMM! YUK!
ga900611 -- How is a monday morning different from other mornings? - BLUT! - Other mornings, I would have peanut buttered the bread AFTER I toasted it.
ga900612 -- It's good to get away now and then. - To rise above the hubbub and have time alone with your thoughts. - Hi, guy! What are you doing up here?
ga900613 -- Look, Garfield! A kitty treat! - Oh boy! Oh boy! A kitty treat! Ha-ha! Boy howdy. I'm going crazy here. - Don't strain yourself! You want I should burst into flame?
ga900614 -- Odie, do you think I'm fat? - - Slobber once for "yes," twice for "no".
ga900615 -- - -
ga900616 -- How was your tennis date with Gloria? - PTOOEY - She had a pretty good serve.
ga900617 -- Venetian drapes. - - - - - - - Garfield, I'm home! Jon's not going to like this.
ga900618 -- Well, I'm getting ready to celebrate another birthday. - Another year down the road of life... - SWIPE! Another notch in the ol' easy chair.
ga900619 -- - - HAPPY BIRTHDAY; GARFIELD! CLICK Do these guys know me, or do these guys know me?
ga900620 -- - - I am personally looking forward to colder weather.
ga900621 -- Hark! A sad face! - Banana Man on the rescue! -
ga900622 -- squirt squirt squrt - sniff sniff - Okay! What are oil and vinegar doing in my sprayer? The bleu cheese was too chunky.
ga900623 -- Let's see which one of us can keep his eyes closed the longest! - Boy, this is some fun, huh? - You bet.
ga900624 -- Z - Z - Z ZZZ zff ZZZ zff ZZZ zff - * DING DONG - * DING DONG - YAAAHH! - While you're down here, how about filling my dish?
ga900625 -- Here, boys. Take my straw hat and blanket. - Let's hit the beach! -
ga900626 -- Rats. - Garfield, have you seen my banana-coconut cream suntan lotion? - Suntan lotion?
ga900627 -- Look, Garfield. - If you put a seashell to your ear, you can hear the ocean roar. - SNAP! YAAAHH! Not if it's a hermit crab shell.
ga900628 -- Hey, hey. - That's quite a sand castle, Garfield. - By the way, where's Odie?
ga900629 -- Hey, Garfield! Spread out the blanket, set out lunch, turn the radio on... - And set up the umbrella! - CHONK!
ga900630 -- Ahh...I guess the beach isn't so bad. - SLOOSH! - It's worse.
ga900701 -- Oh, Garfield. - Garfield, I'm going to teach you self-control. - This is a box of kitty treats... - Do not take the kitty treats. - I'm leaving the room now. You are not to take the kitty treats. - Okay! I'm coming back to it now! The kitty
ga900701 -- treats had better be there! -
ga900702 -- You didn't eat your vegetables. What are you going to do? Tell my mother! - I think I will. - Look! I'm eating 'em! I'm eating 'em! Tell her he ate his dessert first!
ga900703 -- Cookie time! - Jon's so easy to fool. - Liver Ordinarily.
ga900704 -- - Was that an eclipse? - Oh, it was just Garfield walking past the window. Shaddup.
ga900705 -- It's impossible not to enjoy the playful nature of a cat. - Hey, Garfield. Let's have some fun! - Do you have an appointment?
ga900706 -- I CONFESS! - I'VE BEEN PLOTTING TO STEAL YOUR CANDY BAR! - That's a lot of the ol' conscience.
ga900707 -- - The secret to catching birds is patience. - Uh...Garfield. shhh!
ga900708 -- - THE SINK'S OVERLFOWING! Well bail it out. - YOU CLOGGED IT UP WITH YOUR STUPID CAT HAIR! Excuse me for being a cat. - I don'thave to take this. - I'm going to stand out here, in the rain, till Jon apologizes. - - CLICK Ah, he's come to his
ga900708 -- senses. - GOOSH
ga900709 -- HANDS OFF! - - FEET OFF! Make up your mind!
ga900710 -- That pretty girl is looking at you, Jon. - Steady, boy. - Cracked like an egg.
ga900711 -- Here, Garfield. You may have a morsel of my food. - You touched that one. I'll ge tmy own. - That's not a morsel! That's a glob! Must we argue semantics here?
ga900712 -- CLICK - GARFIELD! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?! - What makes you think I've been up to something? Beware Of Dog
ga900713 -- Silly break. - WOO! WOO! -
ga900714 -- Sigh - If you're bored, Garfield. you should get a hobby. - Being bored IS my hobby.
ga900715 -- - PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT - PATTA PATTA PATTA - WRRMMM! - - PING! - Wha?! What happened? You blinked.
ga900716 -- Guess what, Garfield? We're going to the farm today! Fine. - Excuse me while I dress appropriately. - * If I only had a brain ** STOP THAT!
ga900717 -- Don't you get a little bored here on the farm, Doc Boy? No way! - Now be quiet. We're missing the show. - There goes the red sock again!
ga900718 -- What kind of dog is that, Jon? Well, dad...he's, uh... - I have a hunch. What's that? - Wortless.
ga900719 -- There's old man yarber, Garfie(l)d. - He neverquite got the hang of modern farming methods. - The man's whipping a tractor! GIDDYAP THERE!
ga900720 -- Come sit on your mother's lap, Jonny. pat pat pat Aw, mom, I'm too big for that. - Nonsense! You're still my little boy. Now come on... pat pat Oh, okay. - Am I too heavy fo you, Mom? ...mom?
ga900721 -- Is that a gorgeous sunset or what, Garfield? I'd give it an "or what". - - Can we change the channel now?
ga900722 -- Z - BRRINNG! - SMASH! - TWIST TWIST MANGLE MANGLE MANGLE - Z stagger stagger Cough..gasp - Z TROMP TROMP TROMP TROMP TROMP TROMP - BRRIIINNG!!! - z
ga900723 -- It's ninety degrees, Garfield, and people are dying out there. - But not me, Garfield. And do you know why? - Because I'm wearing wet socks! This man needs a hobby.
ga900724 -- We lead the dullest lives. - How dull, you ask? - Hey, look, Garfield! A seed in a a seedless grape! Don't ask.
ga900725 -- WHAT A DISASTER! CHOCOLATE SYRUP AND NO ICE CREAM! - - Okay, so it's not a disaster.
ga900726 -- What do you think of my new curtains, Garfield? They're pre-shredded so there's nothing you can do to them! - - Ha! Ruined them!
ga900727 -- Guess what, Garfield? - Your life is hopelessly pointless? - I think my bunny slippers are in love! I stand corrected.
ga900728 -- Did you know you can harm planty by talking to them? - Observe. Then I got into stamp collecting. I liked to stick them to my forehead... - I had red ones, and green ones, and blue ones, and pink ones... Not a pretty sight.
ga900729 -- DING DONG * - The mailman's here. Good, I haven't had a bite in weeks. - Garfield, meet my new assistant, Waldo. - Waldo, what is this? CAT! - And what does Waldo do with cats? JUMP ON! - And do you know why? MAKE FUNNY NOISE! - Any mail? No,
ga900729 -- and I need a ride to the airport.
ga900730 -- Killer bee! - SMASH BAM! CRASH! WHAM! CRUNCH! - No need to thank me, Jon. That's a fly!
ga900731 -- Here, Garfield. Would you like to play with this ball of yarn? - Sure. - Your move.
ga900801 -- Enjoying dinner, Garfield? You bet. - I love lasagna. - How's your tuna and liver?
ga900802 -- This is mine, that is yours. - Do you have that? No. - But, the instant you avert your attention, I will.
ga900803 -- Let's see. What should I wear today? My sweat socks? My polyester socks? Or my shredded socks? - My shredded socks? - GARFIELD! I was hoping he'd never get to the bottom of the drawer.
ga900804 -- There's a toy in every box of this cereal. - CRASH! - Milk?
ga900805 -- Jon GARFIELD - - YAWN - Time for bed. - What th-?! Z - Okay, Odie. Come out and face the music! poke poke - Cut it out. I'm trying to get some sleep here. - Score one for the big guy.
ga900806 -- Impressions - - Mona Lisa
ga900807 -- Impressions - - A turtle!
ga900808 -- - - What the...? Moth on a windshield.
ga900809 -- Impressions - - Swiss army knife.
ga900810 -- Hood ornament - You know, Garfield... Rat in a mousetrap. - I'm getting tired of your stupid impressions. Okay, then, let's listen to the RADIO.
ga900811 -- - A motor boat. - B-B-B-B-B-B
ga900812 -- GARFIELD! - - Time for your brushing, Garfield. - Come here! - Now hold still! - brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush - - DOC! YOU GOTTA HELP MY CAT!
ga900813 -- You're worthless, Garfield. - Nothing will ever become of you lying here like that. - HEY! HEY! MICHELANGELO PAINTED THE SISTINE CHAPEL LIKE THIS, FELLA!
ga900814 -- What's this? You want me to read you a bedtime story? - Oh, very well. - "Chop up a small onion and saute until tender, then add sliced mushrooms..."
ga900815 -- I just glued Odie to the wall. - I also coated him with honey and stuck his head in a pickle jar. - Ge, ,I hop that didn't sound like bragging.
ga900816 -- Family outings are very important. - They're fun and they bring us closer together. - Right, boys? I wanna be disowned.
ga900817 -- We didn't get any mail today. - Sure we did. - In fact, we got everybody's.
ga900818 -- And so ends another day. - Another day in which I accomplished exactly nothing. - Another flawlwss day.
ga900819 -- - What an awful show. - There has to be something better on than this! ...where's that remote control? - Umffff - Eeerrrgggh - NNNGGGHHHH - - Actually, it isn't THAT awful.
ga900820 -- Taking Odie for a walk, Garfield? Uh-huh. - - Is he aware of it?
ga900821 -- Here! Take my dinner! You'll end up stealing it anyway! - No, Jon, I don't want you to give me your food. - CHONK! NOW I'll steal it!
ga900822 -- SNARF CHOMP CHOMP GOBBLE GOBBLE CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP - SNORT CHOMP GOBBLE CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH SNARF SNARF -
ga900823 -- Garfield, when I think of the expens of keeping you around, do you know what I should do? - Feed me. - Relly...I mean feed me. We can talk about your silly problem later.
ga900824 -- Just a little something to show how I feel about you, Odie! - I want to remember this moment. CLICK! - Now, don't open it until I get out of the house.
ga900825 -- Cat Food - - Empty. Does this mean you're not going to feed me?
ga900826 -- * - Hey, what happened to the six cases of soda pop I had in... - ...here - YAAAHHH! - ODIE! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! - BURRRRRP
ga900827 -- I'm going to sleep now! BANG! BANG! BANG! - I'm going to sleep! I'm going to sleep! - Z Certainly a big occasion around this house.
ga900828 -- - - Checking for a pulse. I hate that.
ga900829 -- Sometimes I wish I could sleep all day like you, Garfield. - Never having a care in the world. Oh. I have pleanty to worry about. - LIKE LOSING SLEEP FOR INSTANCE!
ga900830 -- I have a job for you, Garfield. - - You are now my paperweight. When's coffee break?
ga900831 -- YAWN - Was I just getting up, or just going to bed? - Better safe than sorry.
ga900901 -- YAWN - UNNNGH! - Oh no! I've taken root!
ga900902 -- And now...inn-tro-ducing... Garfield, The Amazing!!! - TAH-DAHHHH! - - ...nothing up my supper dish... sniff sniff - TAP TAP TAP - -
ga900903 -- I hate monday. - Oh, well, it's nearly over and I'm still here. - It says here that lasagna causes warts. Shoot me.
ga900904 -- - SCHLIP! - Oh, Jon.
ga900905 -- This is twice the weight I've ever lifted. - Won't this be exciting? You bet. - HUP! UNNNNNGGG I've never ridden in an ambulance before.
ga900906 -- - GULP! - My compliments to the can opener.
ga900907 -- Hmm - SNIP SNIP - Coupon for cat food.
ga900908 -- Guess how many ball bearings fit in your socks? - RIIIP! - That many.
ga900909 -- - A spider! - CLOP! - - - WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM - Where did it go? YAAAHHH!
ga900910 -- Garfield! Dinner is... ZIP! - NOT SERVED! HA HA HA HA! - How humoresque
ga900911 -- Z - JON! JON! - WHA! HUH?! Would it disturb your sleep if I woke you up?
ga900912 -- Hello? Yes, this is Jon Arbuckle. The police? You say vegetation is dying? Crops are ruined? People are dropping in the streets? - Well, yes, I did. Yes, sir, I will...right away. - I have to put my shoes back on. That explains the peeling
ga900912 -- wallpaper.
ga900913 -- YAWN scratch scratch - I am not a morning person. - Good afternoon, Garfield. See?
ga900914 -- Watch me Jon scare with this rubber spider. - YAAH! - A RUBBER SPIDER! Rats. I didn't fool him.
ga900915 -- Are you boys going to help me paint? Sure! - GARFIELD! - Did I miss a spot?
ga900916 -- Z - KLUNK! - Fall out of bed again, Garfield? This is really embarrassing. - Hang on a minute...I may have a solution. - There we go. My belt ought to keep you from falling out again. - CRASH! - Fall out of your pants again, Jon? This is
ga900916 -- really embarrassing.
ga900917 -- Which would you rather do, Garfield, go to the farm, or go camping? - - Would having something amputated be a choice?
ga900918 -- Boy, it's cold! I can hardly wait to try out my new electric socks! - Where'd they go?! - Nothing like a hot sock of coffee in the morning, huh, Odie? slook
ga900919 -- What do you think of my new tent, Garfield? O got it on sale. - GOOSH! - Such a deal.
ga900920 -- - - shake shake shake YAAAH!
ga900921 -- Quite a little rainstorm we had last night, eh, boys? - Gee, I hope none of the food got wet. - Saltine?
ga900922 -- This rain is never going to stop. Let's pack up and go home. - That's it! Let's go! - SLAM!
ga900923 -- sniff Bless you. - Z - Z - BARK! - SPLAT! Z - Z - BARK! Z - Z - BARK! BOOT!
ga900924 -- - CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! - Time to eat? CLOMP! CLOMP! Time to eat. CLOMP!
ga900925 -- Garfield, you're not supposed to drink coffee with a straw! - Garfield?...Garfield? - Yes?
ga900926 -- ARR! ARR! ARR! No sweat. - Dogs are too stupid to climb trees. - CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP
ga900927 -- Log date: 2254. Captain Garfield wanders through the galaxy. - Searching for new and weird life forms. - Good morning, Garfield. Short trip.
ga900928 -- PUNT! - FOOF! - plplplplpl
ga900929 -- This is the last cup of coffee in the house. - Claws on a chalkboard! - And you may have it. Why, thank you!
ga900930 -- Z - GARFIELD, BREAKFAST! Z - boing boing boing - - doinga doinga doinga doinga doinga boing - doinga doinga doinga doinga doinga doinga - You could stand to skip a meal, Mr. Doinga Doinga. doinga doinga doinga doinga doinga Rats.
ga901001 -- Garfield, you should takebetter care of yourself. I do! This body is a temple! - - With a two-car garage.
ga901002 -- Garfield... - I really think you should diet this week. Fine. - And I relly think you should jump naked into a swimming pool of wolverines.
ga901003 -- Looks good, doesn't it? RRRIP! - Looked better than it tasted.
ga901004 -- Gimme that. - BZZZZZZZZ - Weigh less? A little bit.
ga901005 -- - -
ga901006 -- You're fat. - Your finger is fat too. - Even your whisker is fat. Gimme a break.
ga901007 -- - - BOY, ARE YOU FAT! - hee hee hee - - - klunk klunk klunk klunk - YEEEOOW!
ga901008 -- - - And I used to hate getting up in the morning. crunch crunch crunch
ga901009 -- I love observing spiders. - WHAP! - They're easier to observe if they're standing still.
ga901010 -- - -
ga901011 -- C'mon, Garfield. - Suck that stomach in. - Much better.
ga901012 -- I've taught Odie a new trick. - POOMP! Down, boy! - Good boy!
ga901013 -- here's a photo of my dad. - "A good farmer has a sense of humor," he always says. - That explains the corncob in his ear.
ga901014 -- Z - Z - BOOT! - Z - - FWING! -
ga901015 -- POOMP! - - Is it just me? Or is everybody in a bad mood today?
ga901016 -- Uh-oh, here comes the scout. - Here comes the army. - And there goes the chuck wagon.
ga901017 -- - - GARFIELD! Stupid claws.
ga901018 -- Here I sit, wasting time watching television. - While others are buckling down, working hard and getting things done. -
ga901019 -- - - I'm more bored than you are. Are not!
ga901020 -- BRRING! - tick tick tick tick tick - YAAAHHHH! tick tick tick tick tick Terra Del Fuego
ga901021 -- Z - Z - doink doink - fling! - Z - doink doink doink - FLING! - doink doink - FLING!
ga901022 -- Here, Jon, hold this rope. - Take it away, boys! - Thanks, boys!
ga901023 -- Look, Jon! I tied all your socks together, dipped them in flour paste and made this neat ornamental stick. - GARFIELD! - Now would probably not be the best time to show him the underwear collage.
ga901024 -- Sigh. - This is my "low energy" time of the day. - The time I'm awake.
ga901025 -- SLORRREERRR - RK-K-K-SLOR-SLOB SLOR-SLOB - ALL RIGHT! I DO BELIEVE YOU HAVE HIT THE BOTTOM!
ga901026 -- Any ideas where these cookies went? - Well?! - FOR A CAT WHO WALKS ON HIS HIND LEGS, YOU DON'T TALK MUCH!
ga901027 -- Sigh... - Only you, Garfield... - Only you could give a tire swing a flat. Maybe it had a slow leak.
ga901028 -- - Got my ladder. Got my bungee cord. Got my spider costume. - Wait'll I dangle in front of the mailman, he will freak out! - Here he comes! - SPLAT! * - I think we all saw that coming.
ga901029 -- Would you like another cup of coffee, Garfield? - Don't mind if I do. -
ga901030 -- Each glass contains a different amount of water, thusly causing it to emit a different pitch when tapped. - SMASH SMASH CRASH KSSHH KSSHHH tinkle tinkle tinkle - "Beethoven's Fifth"
ga901031 -- Would you like a sip of my soda pop, Garfield? Sure. - SIP! - You call that a sip? One man's sip is another man's chug.
ga901101 -- - - Z
ga901102 -- GULP SLURP GOBBLE GOBBLE SNORT GULP - Sorry, Garfield, I won't give you seconds. - Then give me the FIRSTS again!
ga901103 -- Go away. - Great. - Now I'll never find my gum.
ga901104 -- - Okay, Odie, this time you're going clear through the ceiling! - ...clear to the moon! - ...the heck with the moon...clear into outer space! - - AAARRRGGGHHH!
ga901105 -- This was my great-great-grandmother, Garfield. - She was a mule skinner. - Things were tough back then. That explains her live coyote blouse.
ga901106 -- Take A Number - 11 - Number twelve?
ga901107 -- BOY, it's cold in here! - Better turn the heat on. CLICK -
ga901108 -- Water balloon in the pants! - SPLOIT! - My work here is done.
ga901109 -- Ellen, I'm Jon, your blind date tonight. - Tell you something about myself? - Well, last week I had my picture taken on a pony! I think I hear her weeping.
ga901110 -- Well, Garfield, we have the whole day ahead of us. - We can go for a walk. I'll pass. - Or we can sit here and eat potato chips till we get sick. Oh...it's going to be a glorious day!
ga901111 -- CLICK - That's it! I'm tired of us never agreeing on which TV show to watch. - You can watch the bedroom TV and I'll watch the living room TV. - - -
ga901112 -- Are you ready to exercise, Garfield? Boy, am I! - - Well? Are we done yet?
ga901113 -- Here you go, Jon. - PHOOT! - Ink balloon.
ga901114 -- Look at these food spots on my tie, this is a gravy stain. - And I can't remember what this one is. - Apple cobbler...with vanilla ice cream...a little heavy on the cinnamon.
ga901115 -- I'm going to clean the refrigerator. I'll help. - Let's see if I have everything...rubber gloves, trash bags, scouring pad... - Goggles, flame throwewr...
ga901116 -- I'd like to see a menu, please. - Here's your cat food. Take it or leave it. CLOP - Well, okay, but there had better be something special on the dessert cart.
ga901117 -- Only the cat is brave enough to venture into the dark unknown... - LAughing in the face of danger... - GARFIELD! Risking a happenstance meeting with a rabid chip.
ga901118 -- GARFIELD, DINNER! - Garfield Odie - STOMP - GULP! -
ga901119 -- I'm lonely, Garfield. What am I? Chopped liver? - I need to get out more. Thew mailbox could use a daisy decal. - I gotta meet some groovy chicks. You're a nineties kinda guy, Jon.
ga901120 -- Look at this, Garfield! "Challenge your intellect! Discover the creative you! Meet vital stimulating people!" - I'm gonna do it, Garfield! - I'm gonna take a pottery class! The Leonardo da Vinci Academy of Pottery?
ga901121 -- I don't know why you're insisting on coming to pottery class with me, Garfield. I wouldn't miss this for the world. - I want to see these "vital and stimulating peaople" the ad in the paper promised. - Are these the students or the pots?
ga901122 -- Hi there, I'm Jon Arbuckle, this is my first night in pottery class, what are you making? - A MAN! It doesn't look much like a man. - Well, whatever it is, it's a darn sight better than my fourth husband, Waldo! Poor Waldo.
ga901123 -- Hi, I'm Jon Arbuckle. Hello. My name's Kimmy. I've never seen you before in pottery class. - Tonight's my first class. Well, I think you'll enjoy it. - I know that look. You're going to ask her out, aren't you? So when are you going to ask me
ga901123 -- out?
ga901124 -- Would you go out with me, Kimmy? Don't do it, Jon! There's something strange about her. - That would be nice! GREAT! We cats have a sixth sense about these things. - We'll do dinner. plus, she's making a pile of clay eyebrows.
ga901125 -- Whoops! - Darn, I dropped an egg. - You said taht like you expect me to eat it off the floor. - You're too lazy to clean it up, so let the cat have it, right? - Sure, the cat's a warthog! He'll eat off the floor! - - Good kitty. Shut up and
ga901125 -- drop some toast.
ga901126 -- Tell me, Jon, out of all the girls in pottery class, why did you ask ME to dinner? Because you're cute. - Cute? Me? - WHOOHA! SNORT! YOU'RE gONNA...SNORT! MAKE ME BLUSH! wham! wham! *
ga901127 -- I'm curious, Kimmy, why are you taking the pottery class? Well, because I love nature, and clay is from the earth. - AND I LIKE DIRT! - YOU LIKE DIRT, DON'CHA, LADY?! SMACK! Where's our meal?
ga901128 -- By the way, Jon, did I tell you I was raised by wolves? You're kidding. - scratch scratch scratch scratch - No, really! Check please.
ga901129 -- ho-wee! These shoes are tight! So! Kimmy...tell me... - Rats! I can't get this shoe off. You say you were raised by wolves? - Reckon I'll have to gnaw this leg off at the knee. LET ME HELP WITH THE SHOE!
ga901130 -- So you were raised by wolves? - Yup. I was discovered and brought to civlization. And when was that? - Last friday. That explains a lot.
ga901201 -- What a weird date. I took out this lady who was raised by wolves. - AROOOOO - She's on top of my car howling at the moon! I'll set the traps.
ga901202 -- - SODA POP! - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - AH-HA! - He think's I'm going to open this and spray soda pop in my face. - Well, we'll just see who has the last laugh! - Ha! CRASH!
ga901203 -- Out of my way! Coming through! - Stand aside! No time to chat! I'm a busy cat! - Z
ga901204 -- The secret to a successful hotfoot is the element of surprise. - - GET AWAY FROM ME! Maybe I wasn't subtle enough.
ga901205 -- Jon's sending away for a book. - It's called "Help for the Incompetent". - I think these stamps are defective. Just in time.
ga901206 -- Can you do any impressions, Odie? - FFFFFFFF - John Wayne?
ga901207 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH Mashed potatoes aren't Jon's strong dish.
ga901208 -- Well, Garfield, it's saturday night. You betcha! - And I'm not going to sit here and do nothing! Atta boy, you party animal! - I'm going to clip my toenails! Quick! Somebody call the SWAT team!
ga901209 -- - - ZZZ zff ZZZ zff ZZZ zff - - - - GARFIELD!!!
ga901210 -- - - SMACK! STOP
ga901211 -- I was going to sit there, Garfield. - Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know that, excuse me. -
ga901212 -- Welcome to Monster Theater! - Tonight's feature..."Curse of the Vampire Goldfish" - Ralph! There's a fish on your neck! I love the classics.
ga901213 -- Is there anything in the paper about your scratching my tummy? - There should be. - Ahhh...stop the presses. scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga901214 -- DON'T LEAVE, JON! I'LL BE LONELY WITHOUT YOU! - I already filled your food dish, Garfield. - And to think I almost made a fool of myself.
ga901215 -- Well, Garfield, I found a Christmas tree we could afford. - It must not be very big to fit in the trunk. - Whatcha think?
ga901216 -- - What a stupid, dinky Christmas tree. - Lunch. - GULP! - CLOMP! - - Enjoy your meal? Immensely.
ga901217 -- JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY... - OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN - Sleigh. Z
ga901218 -- click click click click click - Knitting? click click click click Yup. - Christmas stocking? Natch.
ga901219 -- Hey! Milk and cookies! - TWANG! - GARFIELD! Hey! You're not Santa!
ga901220 -- Well, I suppose we'll have to get ANOTHER Christmas tree, Garfield, since you destroyed the first one. Put it out of its misery, is more like it. - Hey! This looks like a good place! - Honest Frosty's USED TREES Jon, Jon, Jon.
ga901221 -- What do you think of this tree, Garfield? - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - It's a bit dry.
ga901222 -- I'd like a tree that's not too expensive... Jon! jon! I found one! - Yet, nice and full and straight. Jon! Listen to me! - Excuse me while I kill my cat. After you see the tree.
ga901223 -- Hmmm, maybe a bit crooked. Okay, Mr. Picky. - Okay, boys, we must decide on a Christmas tree. - We could get a live tree. - This one's a tad big. Think so? - Odie seems to like that one. sniff sniff - Jon! Jon! I found it! - We can get lots
ga901223 -- of presents under this one! - Somehow, I'm not surprised.
ga901224 -- It's not the most perfect tree, boys, but, we'll turn the scraggy side to the wall. How true. - That's what I love about Christmas. It's the time of the year whenb everyone turns their scraggly side to the wall and peace and happiness abound.
ga901224 -- - 'This the season to be profound.
ga901225 -- Z Z Oh, boys...it's... - ZIP! - Christmas morning. Merry Christmas! Jim Davis
ga901226 -- Garfield, mom worked hard on this sweater, so wear it! No way! - Hold still!! -
ga901227 -- How do you like your new kitty gym, Garfield? I love it! - -
ga901228 -- Time to take a look in the old mirror and do some assessing. - Yup...time to make some changes... - Time to getr a new mirror.
ga901229 -- Garfield, I think we should spend this new year's ever in quiet contemplation... Fine. - Reflecting upon our mission in this life. Fine. - ANd THEN WE'LL SACRIFICE A GOAT! Are you listening to me?
ga901230 -- SLOOK - What shall I resolve to this year? - Strive for harmony with the universe? - Dedicate myself to world peace? - Or the usual... - SLOSH! - Drink punch until it comes out of my ears.
ga901231 -- Well, another year is almost under the belt. - And I've had 313 pretty good days. - The mondays sucked.
ga910101 -- CLANG! CLANG! Wake up! Fix me breakfast! - Whew! Look at those eyes! You should get to bed earlier. - HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU, TOO!
ga910102 -- These post-holiday blues are really getting me down. - There's gotta be something to celebrate.! flip flip flip - BLAT! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ISAAC ASIMOV!
ga910103 -- It's been over a week and Odie still hasn't opened his Christmas present. - Oh well, he'll figure it out one of these days. - I think you overestimate him.
ga910104 -- Hey, lardo, have you considered trimming down this year? Yes, I have. - - WHEN THEY INVENT LIPOSUCTION FOR CATS!
ga910105 -- CHOMP GOBBLE GULP SNARF GOBBLE - SMACK GOBBLE GULP MUNCH sniff sniff sniff sniff -
ga910106 -- DINGLE - DINGLE DINGLE - DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE - DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE - DINGLE! DINGLE! DINGLE! - DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE - SMACK! You HAD to get hima rubber
ga910106 -- dingle ball for Christmas, didn't you?! DINGLE DINGLE
ga910107 -- Okay, Jon, this is the way it's going to be. - I'll paint a line on the floor. Everything on your side is yours, and everything on my side is mine. - If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen.
ga910108 -- YAAH! YAAH! AIIIEEEEE!! - AAAAHHHH!!! - Just practicing in case we ever run out of food. You have too much free time, Garfield.
ga910109 -- Garfield, what are you going to do about this mess? - - Besides take a bow.
ga910110 -- - PUNT! - You have to admire the guy for working without a net.
ga910111 -- I really enjoyed our date, Suzanne. - May I have a lock of your hair to remember you by? - She says she'll shave her head if I stop calling. Go for it.
ga910112 -- - SPLOP! - Breakfast in bed.
ga910113 -- Beware Of Dog Beware Of Appetite - YAWN - brrrrr - p-p-p...pu...-pu... - pu-pu-pu-p-p-p-p-pu-pu-pu-purrrrrrrrrrrrr - rrrrrrrrrrrr... WHEEZE! sputter sputter P-P-P-P... GASP WHEEEEE... - sigh - Sometimes it's hard to get your motor running on
ga910113 -- a cold morning.
ga910114 -- Z -Z - TURN
ga910115 -- - boot! - Hmmm...too much topspin.
ga910116 -- Putting on a little weight, Garfield? What makes you say that? - - Hello, rescue squad? I have a cat stuck in my doorway. Have them pick up a pizza on the way!
ga910117 -- - -
ga910118 -- I wonder what my fortune cookie says. - "A tall beautiful blonde will change your life". - Gee. Jon, there's an eleven foot woman at the door with a chain saw.
ga910119 -- Good evening, for my first selection I will sing the opera "Carmen" in B flat. - Ahem...may I have a B flat, please? - *
ga910120 -- - - fling! - Rats! I missed. - - poo! - FWING SPLAT! - He loves any kind of attention as long as it's attention.
ga910121 -- I've put the cookie jar on top of the refrigerator where Garfield can't reach it. - -
ga910122 -- Hate it...hate it...hate it... click click click - Hate it...hate it...hate it... click click click - Enjoying yourself? Hate it...yep...hate it... click click
ga910123 -- Who wants to lick the icing? I do! - SLURP! - ...out of the bowl? Oh.
ga910124 -- Wouldn't you like to go out and get some fresh air, Garfield? - Not really. - Could we have it delivered?
ga910125 -- Which is smarter, the dog, or the tree stump? Let's find out. - Who want's to fetch Jon's old, stinky sweat sock? - Another of nature's mysteries solved.
ga910126 -- I just love making snow angels. - - He just loves making snow angels.
ga910127 -- GARFIELD! - GARFIELD! DINNER! - ZIP! - - - - - - - BURP
ga910128 -- Jon! Garfield! - Door! - Sidewalk! Street!
ga910129 -- I've got a cramp in my hand. - What should I do? - Scratch me.
ga910130 -- I reckon it's part of a cat's nature. - It can't be helped. - Sometimes I just HAVE to lie here and do nothing.
ga910131 -- Look out. I can't stop. - BUMP - Thank goodness you survived. You had quite a head of steam built up there, Garfield.
ga910201 -- That looks like Jon! - Our show's subject today: Cat owners whose lives are in constant torment. - All right! It IS Jon!
ga910202 -- Pudding! - I made some for you, Garfield! There was no need to steal mine! Of course there was, you idiot! - Now I have min AND yours! Sometimes I wander about you.
ga910203 -- - - SLURK! - 10-9-8-7-6-5... - 4-3-2-1-... - POING! Ignition... - GOOD MORNING, JON! Lift-off..we have lift-off.
ga910204 -- Time to face another monday. - - Thank goodness that is over with!
ga910205 -- From now on, I expect to get a little respect around here! Can you remember that?! - Of course I can. - You can count on me, Phil.
ga910206 -- Here, Jon. FOOF What's this? - It's what's left of the mail. - Now, what should I do with what's left of the mailman?
ga910207 -- Let me have a dab of mustard. - SPLOIT! - Just out of curiosity, exactly what IS a "dab"?
ga910208 -- - BONNNNG! - I suppose YOU can fix better pancakes!
ga910209 -- Hmmm, I wonder... - - Yup.
ga910210 -- - roll roll - - - * DING DONG - Wha? - SPLOT - YES! YES!
ga910211 -- Z - Time to get up, Garfield! Z - Z
ga910212 -- DON'T DELAY!... - ACT NOW!! - click Fast enough for you?
ga910213 -- Life with Jon is not normal. - Garfield, I am going to tap dance on the front lawn in my underwear with a balloon animal tied to my head and a pieapple in each hand! - Again!
ga910214 -- Why so grumpy, Garfield? - It's something I happen to be good at. - Garfield, why did you destroy the sofa?! See previous answer.
ga910215 -- Popcorn-eating contest! You're on! - ONE! ONE! - Uh, two... TWO!
ga910216 -- Jon's about to go grocery shopping. - - I had a few suggestions.
ga910217 -- Let's go for a walk in the park, Garfield. - So, tell me, Garfield, why are there all these women in the world, and I sit at home saturday nights? - I'm pretty young...I'm attractive...kind of. - I have a good physique. I'll bet I could whip
ga910217 -- my weight in wimps! - But, do they stop me inthe supermarket to ask me to dinner? - NOOO! - WHAT AM I? CHOPPED LIVER? Jon takes his geekiness rather personally.
ga910218 -- There are cat people, there are dog people. - And then there are people like me. You're crowding us. - Stupid people.
ga910219 -- - Beware Of The Dog's Lawyer - The times they are a-changin'
ga910220 -- Being lazy has it's advantages. - - One of which is not having to tell you what they are.
ga910221 -- What do I do when I need some attention? - YOU SHAVED MY BUNNY SLIPPERS! - I earn it.
ga910222 -- Reading the newspaper again? - Why? There's nothing in there about me. - Except for that article about the candy store riot.
ga910223 -- Yes, thank you, I will have a french fry. - Let's see. Too small...shaped fuuny...too brown...too pale...ah-ha! Perfect! - Rather rude of you not to offer me something to drink, isn't it?
ga910224 -- Sigh - - hammer hammer pound pound pound hammer hammer - - HEEEY KIDS! - Have you ever seen anyone work so hard at being so lazy? And you say I never do anything around here.
ga910225 -- Sigh - I have to do something to add a little excitement to my life. - Sitting upright today, Garfield? Call me wacky.
ga910226 -- OH NO! - LOOK OUT! I'M LATE! - Nap time.
ga910227 -- - - Where's the filling to my sandwich? It's gone to food heaven.
ga910228 -- - LOOK OUT, WORLD! HERE I COME! - I'm betting on the world.
ga910301 -- You sure hear some strange noises at night. The wind, the house settling... - Wha?!... HOOP! YAAAAH!! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! WOOOAAAHHH! CRASH! - Jon getting up and stepping on Odie.
ga910302 -- Uh, Garfield, I have some bad news for you. Go on... - We're out of cat food. Oh, that's all right. - My, you're taking it well. I ate your dinner.
ga910303 -- This is getting out of hands. - Gentlemen, start your engines! - The crowd is tense as the race cars inch to the starting line... - scoot scoot scoot - - And as the starting light flashes green, our hero punches the gas! - SHOOM! - grrrrrr
ga910304 -- It must be monday. - It's cold...it's dreary...it's raining... - Even INSIDE the house.
ga910305 -- Sigh - Maybe tying Jon's lips into a knot would relieve my boredom. - Nope.
ga910306 -- Look, Odie, a dog with its nose smashed between the pages of a book! - SMACK! - That wa ssimply too easy.
ga910307 -- I can't eat another bite. - Garfield! Ther eisn't a speck of food left in the house! - That's what I just said.
ga910308 -- Yessireebob - What an exciting friday night... SNAP! - Fun with tape.
ga910309 -- Brrr...it's cold this morning. - - KONK! Turn up the heat!
ga910310 -- Ohhhh, Garfield. Sigh - Let's look at the old family album, Garfield. - Here's a picture of my uncle Waldo. - He lived on a ranch. - Had one of the latest warthog herds in the country. - Of course, that was before he was arrested. - He was
ga910310 -- accused of selling ugly bacon. I ignore him, but he never goes away.
ga910311 -- Starting today, I no longer recognize mondays! - ZWOOP SPLAT! - Unfortunately, they still recognize ME.
ga910312 -- Z - Z Dinnertime. -
ga910313 -- - The mailman already came today, Garfield. - He did?
ga910314 -- You know, Garfield... - Sometimes I get the feeling you don't respect me. Really? - What brought this on?
ga910315 -- Darn! T stubbed my toe. - Hey, it's no big deal. - Thanks for caring, Garfield. It's not like it happened to me.
ga910316 -- - trop SPLAT! - Dogs are nature's way of telling us we could be worse off.
ga910317 -- - - - - - - ALL RIGHT!!! ALL RIGHT!!! I'LL FIX BREAKFAST!!!!
ga910318 -- Do you think I'm boring, Garfield? - Z - Oh, great. Now I'll never know.
ga910319 -- ROWWWRF! GROWFF! SNARL SNARL WOOF! - BARK! BARK! ROWRFF! SNORT SNORT WOOF! - ROOF! ROOF! ROWF! Have you had your blood pressure checked lately?
ga910320 -- There's nothing to do. - BOOT! - Okay, NOW there's nothing to do.
ga910321 -- That mouse has stolen a cookie! - Go get it, Garfield! - Got it!
ga910322 -- Garfield, do you think this needs salt? - GULP! Just a little.
ga910323 -- Catsup on your eggs, sir? - YEEUK! GARFIELD! - Gee, I must be the only one who likes them this way.
ga910324 -- Z GNAR-FIELD!!! - Z - Oh, Gaaarrrfield... Oh, nooooo... - Guess what Iiiii've got?... An annoying personality? - TAH-DAH! A BALL OF YARN!! Good for you. - Aw, c'mon, Garfield! All cats like to play with yarn! poke poke Not when they're sleepy
ga910324 -- they don't. - C'MON! C'MON AND PLAY WITH THE YARN! If you insist shake shake shake - He's right. That was fun.
ga910325 -- Garfield, what are you doing? Pretending I'm on the "Animal Kingdom" show. - You just lie araound! I've been hit with a tranquilizer dart. - You're lazy! Soon I'll be tagged, so they can study my migration patterns.
ga910326 -- My pet spider, Renaldo here, can do a trick! - WHAP! - Of course, he can only do it once!
ga910327 -- Garfield, come here! He think I'll come running whenever he calls. - Garfield! What am I, a dog? - I have donuts! Arf, I say.
ga910328 -- - TOUCH MY FOOD AND DIE!! - Oh, come on, Jon. You're not THAT bad of a cook.
ga910329 -- What is life all about? Eating and sleeping. - - I'm hungry. Z
ga910330 -- Garfield! I'm home from the store! - Cany search! - It's in the sack! Who turned the lights out?
ga910331 -- Oops!! Sorry, wrong strip! - - That's driving me crazy! - ODIE, STOPPIT!!! grab - - - AAARRRGGGGHHHH! whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I think I came in late again.
ga910401 -- Jon, if you can guess how many cookies are in this jar, you get the entire contents! - You ate them all, did you? - WE HAVE A WINNER!
ga910402 -- - WAH-HA! HA! HA! - Boy, haircuts are deceiving.
ga910403 -- Ball of yarn. - Here, Jon. - You know, I have a sweater this exact same color. Not anymore.
ga910404 -- Perhaps I shouldn't steal Jon's food. - - Then again, he doesn't seem interested in getting it back...
ga910405 -- If I want something exciting to happen, I can't just sit here. - I have to MAKE it happen! - I'm wearing knee pads on my elbows! You're a wild man, Jon Arbuckle!
ga910406 -- Hey, Garfield. How's the weather down there? - HA! HA! HA! HA! - Drafty.
ga910407 -- - - I'll fix this. - - - - Shnall I call a TV repairman? Thank you.
ga910408 -- click - This looks like an intelligent and informative program. - CLICK Fortunately, there are other things on.
ga910409 -- Quick! Turn to channel five! It's tie for "Gone Fishin' with Billy Bob Beauchamp"! - What's the deal, Garfield? Here, read this! - "This week Billy Bob removes a hook from his neck". They've been hyping it for weeks!
ga910410 -- ...and so we end another programming day. Until tomorrow, good night. - Z - TURN THE SET OFF!!!
ga910411 -- Arf! What is it, boy? - Arf! Arf! He says he's hungry. - You say Timmy fell down the old mine shaft? Arf! He wants pizza.
ga910412 -- Let's see...nine o'clock, channel six... - Movie: "The Mummy's Curse". - "Mummy rises only to be hit with five thousand years of back taxes".
ga910413 -- This show is really dull. - I don't know why you like it. - Oh. Z
ga910414 -- Bird Calls - *TWEET* - *TWEET* - *TWEET* *TWEET* - *TWEET TWEET* *TWEET TWEET* - *TWEET TWEET* * TWEET TWEET -
ga910415 -- Z - Z - Z
ga910416 -- - - Uh...Garfield... Because nap attacks can strike anytime, anywhere, without warning, that's why.
ga910417 -- Believe you me. - There's nothing like a warm teddy bear on a stormy night. - Just ask anyone.
ga910418 -- Sigh. - Teddy bears aren't very good huggers... - But they're sure great HUGGEES!
ga910419 -- - - What mice?
ga910420 -- Garfield, has it ever occured to you that I may have better things to do than scratch you? - YOU? HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - Just thought I'd ask. More to the left, please.
ga910421 -- GARFIELD! Hark! The Caped Avenger's super hearing detects a voice in distress! - - BARK! SPLOT! - chuckle chuckle - BARK! SPLOT! - Stop that, both of you! - - BARK! SPLOT!
ga910422 -- Sniff-what's that smell? - AH! FRESH AIR! - It'll never catch on.
ga910423 -- A few sit-ups a day, and I'll have a flat stomach. - You should be doing the same, Garfield. - I'm satisfied with a flat back.
ga910424 -- Jon has taken up weight-lifting. - He's been at it quite while now. - I didn't know you could lift weights with your throat.
ga910425 -- - What is this, a laziness contest? - I win. SLAP!
ga910426 -- Z - Z - Z - Z - Z - The world is my bed.
ga910427 -- Boy...what a day. - PLOP! - I'm tired from all that staying awake.
ga910428 -- - Good heavens! - PICK - - - - - I think it's time you mowed tha lawn.
ga910429 -- Z - GO AHEAD! SLEEP YOUR LIFE AWAY! - Alriiiiight.
ga910430 -- Iiiiiiit's show time! tappity tappity tappity - TRIP CRASH! - Iiiiiiit's intermission! stumble stumble
ga910501 -- * MEEOWRR, MEOW...MEOW... - ** MEEE-YOWRR!!! - And now, once again, for thos eof you in the cheap seats...
ga910502 -- Hey, you've been a beautiful audience! Thank you and good night! - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP ? - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP APPLAUSE
ga910503 -- Ow, ow, ow, ow. - What happened to you? Ow ow ow. - That's the last time I let my agent book me onto a chain link fence.
ga910504 -- tappity tappity tappity - BOING Ha! Fooled- -
ga910505 -- Z - - Dinnertime, Garfield. - - DRILL DRILL DRILL - DRILL DRILL DRILL DRILL - Incredible.
ga910506 -- - - Well? Don't rush me.
ga910507 -- Jon's love life is certainly improving. - I'm dancing with a broom! - You gonna date for a while, or marry and start a family right away?
ga910508 -- "Time flies when you'r ehaving fun". - - Are you saying this day will never end? Here's another one...
ga910509 -- - RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP - Now that we're done reading our newspaper, maybe we can scratch our tummy.
ga910510 -- - - Garfield... What broken lamp?
ga910511 -- Thie wimpy little dog could use a twangling. Z - TWAANNNNG! - Talk about your unpleasant surprises.
ga910512 -- - - * * - Birds in the mouse hole? ** - Something weird is going on here. - - This time-share thing is really getting out of hand.
ga910513 -- Cats are the world's greatest tree climbers. - - Altough I personally never work without a net.
ga910514 -- Z - Z Only Grafield. Z
ga910515 -- Ethel, look at that. - Wow! - That's gotta be the fattest orange I ever saw!
ga910516 -- Hey, Arbuckle, your cat's in the tree... - And you'd better pick him? He looks a little to ripe! - HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! Step under me and say that, fella!
ga910517 -- Odie! You got a ladder! You finally did something right! - Now get it up here! -
ga910518 -- I suppose I should just let go and drop to the yard below. - YEEOWCH! - What a STUPID place to put a statue of liberty lawn ornament.
ga910519 -- - Sigh... - There's "Dry-Skin-Itchy"... - There's "Wake-Up-First-Thing-In-The-Morning-Itchy"... - And there's "Fleas-Itchy". - But for my money, there's no itch more worth the trouble than... - The
ga910519 -- "Lying-On-Your-Back-In-The-Grass-On-A-Sunny-Day-Staring-Up-At-The-Clouds-Itchy"! scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
ga910520 -- From this vantage point, I can survey all that I rule! - - Sigh...I abdicate.
ga910521 -- Tell me, Jon. - How's life treating you?
ga910522 -- - - Garfield... What sparrow?
ga910523 -- - GOOSH! - From now on, let's be putting water in the water dish, and food in the food dish, okay?
ga910524 -- This bulletin has just been handed to me! - Police report that someone is going around handing bulletins to newscasters! - ...and here's another bulletin!
ga910525 -- I like to check on Garfield and Odie to make sure they're playing nicely. - I'm measuring Odie to make sure I use just the right amount of concrete. - How nice.
ga910526 -- - - - - - -
ga910527 -- Some people have exciting lives. - Some seek adventure and romance. - And some stay home and tease their eyebrows. - Garfield, I need a hobby.
ga910528 -- They should give out awards for dull days. - Hey, Garfield, I'll bet if I connect all the splattered bugs on my car windshield I can make a picture! - We'd have a trophy case the size of Canada.
ga910529 -- Sigh. - I found a snake in the backyard. I'm bored. - Every day, the same old stuff. I put it in your underwear drawer.
ga910530 -- Our lives are dull with one exception. - Pass the coconut monkey head, please. - Our snack life is pretty exhilarating.
ga910531 -- I feel like I could conquer the world today! - - I couldn't get the front door open. My hero.
ga910601 -- Say! Aren't you... I'm a bird. - Right! I'm a big fan of yours! I'm flattered. - How about autographing my tongue? I'm suspicious.
ga910602 -- - **DING-DONG * That must be the mailman. I'll get it. - - Jon's sure been gone a long time. - WAIT A MINUE! THIS IS SUNDAY! THE MAIL ISN'T DELIVERED ON SUNDAY! - You two-timer! That was the pizza boy! I was saving half of it for you, honest,
ga910602 -- Garfield! - STOMP STOMP STOMP Weird. Guess it's true what they say about a cat scorned.
ga910603 -- - No fair! - You got a head start on the goofing off!
ga910604 -- SMACK! - Fill it up. - Having a bad day, Jon?
ga910605 -- Meow* *Cats of the world unite! - Meow meow* *Scratch the furniture! - What are you watching, Garfield? CLICK! Nothing!
ga910606 -- See that, Garfield? - Do something about it! - Hey, I'm a CAT, not a carpenter!
ga910607 -- Blindfolded taste test! - GULP! - I hate you. Thank you for your opinion, sir!
ga910608 -- Let me hold the door for you, Jon! - Farewell, and return safely, dear friend! - Grocery shopping.
ga910609 -- YAAAHHH!! - - - - - - GARFIELD!!! - Stop scaring the goldfish!
ga910610 -- RATS! - A WRINKLE! - And that's not easy when you have fur all over the body.
ga910611 -- Oh, no! A wrinkle! - OH, NO! A GRAY HAIR! - OH, NO! A WRINKLED GRAY HAIR!!
ga910612 -- AAAAAHHHHHH!! - YAAAHHHHHHH! - AARRRRRGGGHH! Found his fiorst gray hair.
ga910613 -- Rats! Another grey hair! - Maybe hair dye will help. - aaah.
ga910614 -- Wow! What happened to you?! I found a ghray hair and used hair dye, okay? - That looks weird. I know. - You look like Mickey Mouse! I KNOW!
ga910615 -- They say rubbing lemons on you is good for your skin. - rub rub rub rub - I fail to see the improvement.
ga910616 -- pat pat pat - - Now for a nice nap in the sun. - - Age must be catching up with me. - Where has all my vitality gone? - Wait a minute! I'm not getting old. - I never WAS vital.
ga910617 -- You get slower as you get older, Garfield. - - That's your opinion.
ga910618 -- - - Make my birthday cake this big.
ga910619 -- Hapy birthday, Garfield! What would you like to do today? Oh, considering my age, not much. - GULP! - Perhaps a nibble and a nap. click clickety clickety click
ga910620 -- Why is that you always have to be the center of attention, Garfield? - What? - That's the silliest thing I've ever heard.
ga910621 -- All I want is to be treated fairly! - Is that too much to ask?! - So now, how come you have two cookies and I have only one?!
ga910622 -- Dinner, Garfield! - ZOOM! GULP! - Ha! You missed your dish! Then why am I full?
ga910623 -- Z - BRRIIINNGGGG - SMASH! - RING-A-LING A-LING!! - CRUCH ! - DINGLE-DINGLE BRRRIIINNG! DING-A-LINGA DING DING - DING-A-LING-A-LING-A BRRRRIIING DINGLE DINGLE - DING-A SMASH! - - Ice Cream
ga910624 -- Presenting the Amazing Lardo! - Now the Amazing Lardo will make this bowl of food disappear! - DRumroll, please! Are you picking on me?
ga910625 -- Garfield, you must weigh as much as Australia! - - One of the smaller continents.
ga910626 -- Garfield! Look at that stomach! - You must take your health more seriously. - It's hard to be serious while staring up your nose.
ga910627 -- From now on, I'm keeping track of the calories you take in! - POW! - My calculator blew up.
ga910628 -- - I hate it when I can't see my feet. - I could be wearing weird shoes and not know it.
ga910629 -- Blindfolded, I shall now identify things I cannot see. - - FOOD! - I hate you. Who's that?!
ga910630 -- - Okay, I'll take your order now. - Oh, and here's your balloon. My balloon? - We're trying to create more of a happy family atmosphere. - We even have pony rides out back. That sounds like fun! - Now, what'll you have? I'll have a hamburger.
ga910630 -- - Well, there goes the pony ride. I'll be waiting in the car.
ga910701 -- Ready or not, here I caome! - I see you, Garfield! - I gotta go on diet.
ga910702 -- Garfield, I bought you a diet book. I know. - I've already lost two pounds! - To be more specific, I lost the book.
ga910703 -- Today is the first day of your diet, Garfield. Promise me you won't cheat. - C'mon, promise me! Oh, very well. - I promise.
ga910704 -- Job's got me on a grapefruit diet. How silly... - KAWHANG! - ...yet effective.
ga910705 -- Here you are, Garfield. As per your diet, a small salad. - Hey! Where's the French bread?! - Needed a crouton.
ga910706 -- Gee, Garfield. I feel terrible eating in front of you, what with you on your diet. - Here you go, Felly. -
ga910707 -- Sigh - Jon's had me on this diet, like, forever. - Hey! What the...?! - YAAAAHHHH!!! - YAAAH!!! YAAAHH!! What is it, Garfield? Something wrong with your feet? - Feet?...Feet?...Those are feet?! - Hey, and I bet those wiggly things on the end
ga910707 -- are toes, right?
ga910708 -- - YEEEK!!! - I HATE cold feet!
ga910709 -- I'm depressed, Garfield. Just look at this gut. - - Thanks. Anytime, Skinny.
ga910710 -- Cats like to survey their territory. - - My territory has dandruff.
ga910711 -- Sleeping makes me hungry. - And eating makes me sleepy. - Life is good.
ga910712 -- Coming up next, "The Cat Nature's Smart Aleck". - What's on? - Nothing that would interest you, bean brain.
ga910713 -- I should stop picking on Jon. - I sure do enjoy breathing! - How nice. He has a hobby.
ga910714 -- RRRIIIINNNNGGGGG - Sigh - Do you know why I love you, Garfield? You're so unpredictable. - RIP! - SPLAT! - ZIP - BOOT! WHAM! - Me and my biig mouth.
ga910715 -- Garfield, I really don't enjoy looking at your grumpy face every morning. - You should start each day with a smile. That's a pretty tall order. - Couldn't I start with a smirk, and work my way up?
ga910716 -- - FISSSS zit zit zit zit FISSSS zit zit zit zit - Stupid automatic sprinklers.
ga910717 -- It's noon, Garfield. You've got that big hand, little hand stuff down cold, don't you? - Do you realize you slept the entire morning? I did? - Thank goodness it wasn't wasted.
ga910718 -- ? - What are you doing? - Waiting for the pancake to come off the ceiling.
ga910719 -- Should I kick Odie off the table, or shouldn't I? What do you think, foot? - BOOT! - I'll take that as a "yes".
ga910720 -- - -
ga910721 -- tooey - Z - Uh-oh...here it comes! - scoot scoot - scoot scoot BUMP! - Oh, no! I'm trapped! There's no escape! - AAARRRGGHHH! - Garfield, what happened?! Morning found me again.
ga910722 -- - - Get off my lap, Garfield. I never get to drive.
ga910723 -- Garfield! See that seat belt? - We're not going anywhere until you use it! Yessir. - Let's hit the road.
ga910724 -- There, Garfield, Don't you feel safer now? - I guess the seat belt is okay. - But this shoulder harness...
ga910725 -- Hey, kids, don't forget to buckle your seat belt when you get into a car. - And once you've mastered that... - Don't forget to unbuckle it.
ga910726 -- I need more legroom. - CLICK-CHUNK - Put the seat back up, Garfield.
ga910727 -- Hmmmm... - My seat belts need tightening. - Oops. This is yours.
ga910728 -- HICCUP! - - DINNER! - bonk! bonk! bonk! - toink! toink! - DONK! - wooga wooga wooga wooga wooga - Some assembly required.
ga910729 -- A letter from mom, Garfield! - Nothing like news from home to lift our spirits! - Dear Jon, the chicken died. Probably from boredom.
ga910730 -- Boy, am I bored. - Hey, Garfield, let's go the the store and try on socks! - Every time I think I've hit bottom, somebody throws me a shovel.
ga910731 -- Odie is a mixed breed. - His mother was a beagle. - And his father was a brick.
ga910801 -- Want to hear about my nap? - Z - Z It may be boring, but it's all the world to him.
ga910802 -- What would you say is my best character trait, Garfield? - Your ability to order pizza. - And I'm not just saying that. pat pat
ga910803 -- We're out of cat food. You'll have to eat dog food, okay? - - I suppose you know I'm outraged. Poor little fella.
ga910804 -- - - - - - - Are you boys quite done?
ga910805 -- In the interest of national security, I'm afraid I'm going to have to confiscate that hamburger. - Yes, there is a top secret formulain here which I am going to have to memorize and eat. - You live in your own little world, don't you,
ga910805 -- Garfield? There's nothing little about it.
ga910806 -- Here we are overlooking the Grand Canyon. - nudge - We lose more tourists that way.
ga910807 -- Garfield, I'm home! - SLAM! - Was that the refrigerator door? Sure, greet me with accusations.
ga910808 -- Garfield, how do you explain this? - When I was young I swallowed a basketball. - You're a pig! It's been digesting for years.
ga910809 -- Jon bought me a new diet food. - Looks like serious stuff. - It's called "Hey, Fatso. Eat this!"
ga910810 -- While people sleep, cats are busy. - Prowling, singing, hunting... - ARRRRGH! ...painting the kitchen.
ga910811 -- SIGH - It's no use. - I can't sleep. - - Z - Z - Z
ga910812 -- I spent our vacation money, Garfield. It had better been on something edible. - SOOOOooooooo - LET'S POLKA!! Now I know what "justifiable homicide" means.
ga910813 -- And now, a traditional folk song. - * Oh when I'm gone...bury me deep... ** - ** 'cause there's wolverines reported in the area... * The accordeon dies tonight.
ga910814 -- See, Garfield, I roll all my socks into little balls! - Now they can be filed according to the color, length, material and pattern. - You just don't care, do you?
ga910815 -- Beware Of Fence - -
ga910816 -- You're one of a kind, Garfield. - Why, thank you. - At least that's what the entire human race is hoping. I hate you.
ga910817 -- Hmmmmm...I wonder what's in this bowl? - BOO! YAAHHH! - The tuna surprise.
ga910818 -- - Okay, what would you turkeys like tonight? Shall I sing? - SPLUT! Tall jokes? - BLAT! BLAT! BLAT! BLAT! BLAT! BLAT! - Dance? - tappity tappity tappity tappity
ga910819 -- MEYOOO-WRR-MEEE-*YOUWRRR!! MEEE- - SPLUT! KONG! BLAT! - IS IT MY FAULT THIS FENCE HAS LOUSY ACOUSTICS?!!
ga910820 -- tappity tappity tappity - - It's much safer down here in the orchestra pit.
ga910821 -- **MEY-OOORRR-MEEE-YOWWWW MEE-YOWRR!! - Stand-in! - KONK!
ga910822 -- Here's a note only a cat can hear. - * - It's so high it can shatter paper.
ga910823 -- Hey, what an audience! You've been good listeners, good sports... - SPLUT! - And good aims...
ga910824 -- What a night! Was I ever on a roll! - I must have had seventeen curtain calls! - According to the shoe count.
ga910825 -- Si-gh. - We had a cat back on the farm. Here we go. - He was a good old cat. - And a great hunter. - Whenever he caught a mouse, he'd bring it to the house. - Sort of an offering from pet to master. - I miss those days.
ga910826 -- Garfield. - GARFIELD! - I'm not in right now. If you'd care to leave a message, wait for the beep...
ga910827 -- Welcome to "Cats Watching Television". - - HI, MOM!
ga910828 -- * TWEEET - CHIRP-CHIRP CHEEEP ** BABY, BABY! * - Evrybody wants to be in the show business.
ga910829 -- If I do this regularly, I'll live longer! - WHAM! - But don't you think running into the door every day will offset the benefits of the exercise?
ga910830 -- Garfield! I'm back from the - snatch GULP! - Hardware store. Poo! CHONG!
ga910831 -- Z - Z - His ballerina dream. Z
ga910901 -- - Hey! This is my chair! - rrrrr Shoo! Shoo! Get off! - Grrrr Fffft - Boys! Boys! That chair is big enough for both of you! Now share! - He's right, Odie. Let's stop bickering. We can each use half of the cushion, okay? - I'll take the top
ga910901 -- half.
ga910902 -- You never do anything, Garfield. - - But, I never get a day off either.
ga910903 -- - Tweet? - It was worth a shot.
ga910904 -- Garfield, you should cut down on between-meal snacks. - That won't be easy to do. - Primarily because I don't know what "between meals" means.
ga910905 -- There ought to be a prize for eating every scrap of food in the house. - Oh well. - I guess a job well done is its own reward.
ga910906 -- I'm going to take a little nap. - No, make that a long nap. - Heck with it, wake me at the turn of the century.
ga910907 -- Garfield, how could you?! My sincerest apologies. - I'm very disappointed in you. I'm so ashamed. - Have you no respect for decor?! You eat one doily and you're marked for life.
ga910908 -- Wait! Wait! I'm not ready yet! - Z - Z - Z - Z tie tie - tap tap - YAAAHH! - That's what's known as "burying the needle on the wake up meter".
ga910909 -- Do you know what this house needs, Garfield? - More baked goods? - I'm guessing you don't think we need wallpaper. Picture it! Cupcakes as far as the eye can see!
ga910910 -- My, my. There's something you don't see much these days... - A mannerly young man and a well-behaved cat. -
ga910911 -- I've had a bad day. Mee to. - It's been one disaster after another. For mee to. - Okay, okay, you win.
ga910912 -- I think I'm having some sort of identity crisis. - H ethinks HE'S having an identity crisis. - Odir thinks he's a potato peeler.
ga910913 -- - KONK! Stupid sprinkler heads.
ga910914 -- poke - cut cut cut cut cut - Sunroof.
ga910915 -- - - BZZZZZZ! POUND POUND POUND GRINKA GRINKA WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - - ? - ! - GARFIELD!
ga910916 -- Mornings sure are peaceful. - CLANG ** SPLOT! - Right up to about this time every day.
ga910917 -- I love this show! - You do? - CLICK
ga910918 -- Sigh... - Where are we going, Garfield? I mean, what's the purpose? What's it all mean? - To the kitchen...to eat...to get full.
ga910919 -- Thy say one's dinnerware should reflect one's personality. - For me, fine china. - For you, a hog trough. Ever been bit by a pig?
ga910920 -- Please Do NOT Beware Of The Dog - - Now THAT'S scary!
ga910921 -- - BURP! - Feel better? I'm ready for dessert now.
ga910922 -- - - pant pant pant pant - - - rrrr - Sigh
ga910923 -- - - One sugar or two? Decisions! Decisions! Decisions! Do I have to do everything around here?!
ga910924 -- Garfield, I think I've lost my identity. Nonsense! I'll help you find it. - Nobody listens to me. Yup, it's right here in the trash compactor. - Nobody respects me. Right next to your dignity and intelligence.
ga910925 -- Jon! Jon! The TV just said that giant mutant spiders are crushing the city!! - And that five thousand foot tidal wave is headed directly our way!! And...and... - Are those JELLY doughnuts?
ga910926 -- - ? - Mustard?
ga910927 -- BOOT! - bark bark bark bark bark bark bark - Right into the ceiling fan.
ga910928 -- I suspect Jon's taking me for granted. - - Yup.
ga910929 -- Sniffff...ahhh! - C'mon, Garfield! Let's go for a walk! Z - What a great day to romp in the grass! Z - And for climbing trees! * - Z Race you home! - How exhilarating! We should do this every day. Z - It's off to the shower! I just dreamt I
ga910929 -- was Fay Wray!
ga910930 -- Hey, Garfield, I know what we can do! - Let's sit in this chair and vegetate! Okay, but only for a little while. - I'm scheduled for a nap in the sunbeam this afternoon.
ga911001 -- New mailman, Garfield. - You might have trouble with this one. - You mean the guy with "I hate cats" branded on his forehead?
ga911002 -- YEOOOOOOW!!! CRASH! UGH BAM!! CRUNCH OOF THUMP THUD! - - The mail's here.
ga911003 -- Jon's really enjoying his drive * - ...entirely too much. - One of us has to get carsick.
ga911004 -- I'm stuck on one channel! click click click click - What could be worse? - Welcome to the Lassie film festival. AARRRGHH!
ga911005 -- Let's face it... - As we age, our bodies change. - My eyeballs are growing hair! Or, in some cases, mutate.
ga911006 -- Sniff - Ah - Ah...AH... - AH - pook - - CHOO!
ga911007 -- Garfield, I need some female companionship - Okay, Jon. - You realize I'd only do this for you.
ga911008 -- Would you go out with me, doc? Mr. Arbuckle, I'm single, not desperate. - Well, I'M more complex than that... - I'm single AND desperate. You talk to him. I'm a cat, not a psychatrist.
ga911009 -- You know, doc, you could do a lot worse than go out with me. You're right there, Jon. - I could grow facial hair, or misplace my elbows... - Or, get a rat in my boot. ...FOR EXAMPLE!
ga911010 -- Doc, will you go out with me? - Open wide and say "ahh". Ahh. - No.
ga911011 -- You know, doc, there's a lot of things about me you don't know. - I know you have four pens and three paper clips in your shirt pocket. How do you know that? - I can see right through you, Arbuckle.
ga911012 -- So, doc, how about dinner with me? NO. Lunch? No. Brunch? No. - How about sharing a sack of honey.roasted nuts from the machine in the hall?! - Look, Arbuckle, what do I have to do to convince you that I don't want to go out with you?
ga911012 -- Anything short of a death threat is wasting your breath.
ga911013 -- I * My Food - * I hate this part. - So, doc, how's Garfield? Fine. - And how's Odie? Fine. - And how are you? Fine. - Okay if i pay by check? Fine. - How about a date? Fine. - YEEESS!! YEEESS!! THAT'S CHEATING! If you can't attract 'em, trick
ga911013 -- 'em.
ga911014 -- bzzzzzzzzz - GARFIELD! ODIE! LOOK OUT! I'M SHAVING! bzzzzz CRASH! - Good evening, my dear.
ga911015 -- Uh...Jon...your hair. My cat bumped my arm while I was shaving, okay? - Don't you have a hat or something? Sure. - How's that? The exits are probably covered.
ga911016 -- DON'T GEt OUT! DON'T GE tOUT YET! - See? chivalry isn't dead yet. - SLAM! RIP! Which is more than can be said for your jacket.
ga911017 -- Sniff-sniff...boy, these flaming croquettes sure smell goo- - YAAAHH! MY TIE'S ON FIRE!! - Would you like another drink, my dear? No, Jon, if I'm in the mood for another Shirley Temple, I'll suck it out of your tie.
ga911018 -- I don't believe I just flushed one of my contact lenses down the toilet! Somehow I do. - And th eonly glasses I brought are my sunglasses. That's okay, Jon. They'll make you look continental. - Kinda like a french dweeb.
ga911019 -- I am afraid I must ask you to leave, sir. What?! Did I offend someone or something? - No, sir. Then what did I do? - Sinc you've been here, you've slipped beneath the dress code. May I stay?
ga911020 -- - Z rake rake - rake rake rake rake rake - WHEW! - T - O-DIE! ! - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE -
ga911021 -- Z - -
ga911022 -- Odie, I think I saw something move in your dish! - - YES! YES! LOOK AT IT MOVE!
ga911023 -- FFFT GRRR - Now, now! You boys be nice! - FFFT - GRRR
ga911024 -- Odie, do you have any idea how annoying your cheerfulness is? - - I was afraid of that.
ga911025 -- SLURP! - SLUUURRP! -
ga911026 -- KICK! - - Can you believe it? I was playing nicely, and Odie just got up and left!
ga911027 -- GARFIELD The Cat Drapes Shredded Ferns Eaten Naps Taken No Appointment Necessary!!! - - munch munch - ZOOM! - - ZOOM! - You can't stop what you don't see. -
ga911028 -- A cup of coffee and a beautiful sunrise! What more could you possibly need? - WHOP - Oh, yeah.
ga911029 -- Sigh - Life has passed ma by. - Of course, I had to hide a few times.
ga911030 -- I won't be home for lunch. - I'll be working as a towel boy at the birdbath. - It's times like this I'm glad he can't talk.
ga911031 -- I think all the creatures of the earth should try to get along, don't you, Garfield? Absolutely. - - COUGH
ga911101 -- I wish I had a little piece of land... - Abot a mile long, and an inch wide. - Yessir, my very own spaghetti farm.
ga911102 -- - - Thought I heard a doughnut.
ga911103 -- - RING*** - * RRING! * - Meow? - Meow meow meow - Here, it's for you. - Meow?
ga911104 -- - Which way did the mouse go? He went that way! - Just curious.
ga911105 -- Guests are a pain. - First they defile my water dish... - Then they want a tow.
ga911106 -- - Never fear, Jon, no mouse will ever get your cheese while I'm around! - No siree. Sigh
ga911107 -- - - You would be more convincing if you were moving. He's onto us.
ga911108 -- Watch out for the mouse. Riiiight. - - You know, Jon, Brazil must be lovely this time of year.
ga911109 -- - - I see the "strange mice" are back.
ga911110 -- - You lunch looks better than mine. - - - I want to sit there! - Your end of the couch looks more comfortable than mine. - Oh, sure, hog the floor!
ga911111 -- Boy, do I need a shave. - BZZZZZZZ Wait a minute! - Whaaa?I forgot I was a cat, okay?
ga911112 -- - Enjoying the fire, Garfield? Yup. - Kind of makes me wish we had a fireplace there.
ga911113 -- - - ?
ga911114 -- Z - I thought you were cutting down on your naps! I am! - I'm taking two four-hour naps instead of four two-hour naps.
ga911115 -- Ah, the industrious ant...always working. - SPLAT! - Take a break.
ga911116 -- Today on "Animal Kingdom," we go in search of... - The house cat. - Heeere kitty, kitty, kitty... There's nothing worse than a low-budget animal show.
ga911117 -- Ahem... Z - This is a dog. Z - And this is a dog whistle. Z - Observe. Z - fffff - It emits a sound discernible only to lower life forms. - Now this...is a dog trumpet. poing!
ga911118 -- Garfield, why aren't women attracted to me? - HEY! THAT'S MY BINKY THE CLOWN CUP! SNATCH! - MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! I think I've isolated your problem.
ga911119 -- I remember my first kiss. - Edna Radsnick...we were on her front porch. The moon was full...the moment had arrived...we embraced... - Our braced locked...she screamed... That's more like it.
ga911120 -- Cindy, this is Jon, your blind date for tonight. Anything special you'd like to know about me? - Uh, six feet, brown...one hundred seventy.five pounds. Red...decaffeinated...chocolate chip...unleaded... - My dental records? Whatever happened
ga911120 -- to "What's your sign"?
ga911121 -- * - I have a date. - With the bearded lady, or the alligator girl?
ga911122 -- I read the most fascinating article the other day... Good, Jon! Appeal to her intellect! - Did you know there are microscopic crawly things living in your eyebrows? - I have to go home now. Take me with you.
ga911123 -- Your hair is like a field of golden wheat in the sun...your eyes are like limpid pools of blue... - Your nose is like an ice pick stuck in a barn door. - Rats. - Should've skipped the nose and moved right to the lips.
ga911124 -- tap tap tap - Overture whirrrrr - First movement scoop scoop - Second movement SPLOT - And now, the grand finale! - GULP! - ENCORE! ENCORE!
ga911125 -- You've heard of the "Fountain of Youth"? - SIP - Meet the next best thing!
ga911126 -- And now the continuing saga of Jon's diary. - Monday: "Dear Diary, The dawn of a new week. The possibilities are limitless." - Tuesday: "Dear Diary, Today I got my lips stuck in the blender."
ga911127 -- Why was I created, Garfield? - What is my purpose in life? - SPLOT! To give other shope?
ga911128 -- Welcome to "Lying around with Garfield". - Today's topic, the joy of ceiling watching. - You are worthless. Now, let's stare at a light fixture.
ga911129 -- Garfield, we're going to the park. Whoopee - You know the rules. No flower stomping... - And... Yeah, yeah, no swan maiming.
ga911130 -- I'm depressed, Garfield. I need something to lift my spirits. - BOOT! - GARFIELD!  HEY! IT ALWAYS WORKS FOR ME!!
ga911201 -- Ahem. - I am honored to address this assembly of the United Nations. - And the millions watching by television. - I am Jon arbuckle, and I can't get a date to save my life.
ga911201 -- I also forgot to wear pants. - YAAAHHH! - Garfield, I just had a terrible nightmare! Not the one about the rubber pizzas?!
ga911202 -- - You're a wild man, Garfield! - New blanket.
ga911203 -- Everybody has a hobby. - Some race cars, some collect art... - And others, make toast. BWONNG! YEE-HA!
ga911204 -- You know, Garfield, the brain is a muscle. Give me a break. - Know how I keep my mind sharp? A wood rasp? - Connect the dots! You're a real intellectual.
ga911205 -- Sometimes I feel like a laughingstock, Garfield. - Look! There he is! HAW! HAW! HAW! - I'll be in my room. Big crowd today.
ga911206 -- Notice anything new, Garfield? Give me a hint. - Don't you think this pipe makes me look more sophisticated? - Sadly enough, I have to agree.
ga911207 -- Jon is deep in thought. - I wonder how they get those peanuts inside the shells? - Relatively speaking.
ga911208 -- YAWN - - - ZOOM! - YANK! THUD!!! CRAAAAASSH! tinklw tinkle tinkle WHUMP! WHUMP! - drag drag drag drag drag - Look! A snowflake! Christmas is coming!! I see it, I see it.
ga911209 -- NYAAH! - NYAAH! - AH HA! YOU *DID* EAT MY CANDY CANE!! Rats.
ga911210 -- - - These are not your presents. What makes you think I care?
ga911211 -- * KISS - Garfield, Santa brings toys to the little boys and girls who've been good all YEAR, not just the last two weeks. - THAT'S EXTORTION! I tell it like it is, baby cakes.
ga911212 -- Hey, Garfield! Now THERE'S a Christmas tree! - Just look at the trunk of this baby! - That's a telephone pole. Tis the season to be dippy.
ga911213 -- I did it! I fainally got a great looking tree! - And I got it half off! - What do you think? I think it's priced right.
ga911214 -- Okay, let's decorate the tree, Garfiedl. - THEY'RE ALIVE! THE DECORATIONS ARE ALIVE! - SLURO! Ha ha, Odie.
ga911215 -- - Okay, boys! Let's corate the treeeee! I'm hungry. Let's eeeeat. - Each icicle must be carefully placed. I subscribe to the school of "throw and go". - Odie, don't chew on that cord! Yeah, Odie, save room for the bubble lights. - We can't
ga911215 -- have a blue bulb next to a blue bulb, can we? Anything that doesn't get the tree on fire works for me, pal. - One thing I'll never understand, Garfield, in spite of all the chaos, the ugly tree and the the old decorations... - Everythig turns
ga911215 -- out perfectly. One of the mysteries of the universe.
ga911216 -- This is a mistletoe, Garfield. Watch, and I'll show you how it works. * DING DONG - SMOOCH - You make a lovely couple.
ga911217 -- Garfield will never find his present in this closet. - Thank you. - Waaaait a minute... CLICK!
ga911218 -- There's a present under the tree. I wonder who it's for? - Garfield - OHHHHH YEEEESSS!
ga911219 -- Could my present be a pony? Or, could it be my own TV? Or a new bed? Or a blanket? - - Or a cheese grater? Or silk pajamas?...
ga911220 -- thump thump thump thump thump thump - thump thump thump thump thump - Garfield! What are you doing to your gift? Just seeing if it's ripe.
ga911221 -- I wonder what my present is? I'll bet it's wonderful! - rattle rattle rattle - YES! THA tIS DEFINITELY A WONDERFUL SOUND!!
ga911222 -- - Time to decorate the house, Garfield! - Put the ladder there, pal. - Yessiree, we'll just get the old lights out, and... - - -
ga911223 -- How cute. Garfield fell asleep hugging his present. I'll put him to bed. Z - Z - Z
ga911224 -- Are you boys going to bed, oar are you going to wait up half the night on Santa? - -
ga911225 -- Could it be that I've built my expectations too high for what's actually in my gift? - Should I never open it in order to preserve the hope and magic that is the true gift of the Christmas season? - NAAAAH!
ga911226 -- How do you like your Christmas gift, Garfield? It's perfect! - It's beautiful! - It's me!
ga911227 -- I called to thank you for the Christmas gift, mom. - You really outdid yourself this time. - I didn't know you could crochet a suit. Someone should stop her.
ga911228 -- Guess what, mom... - I think Garfield actually likes the sweater you made him. - The shoulder pads won me over.
ga911229 -- - Sigh - Christmas is over, and new year's is almost here. - Sigh. - So it seems appropriate at this time to stop and reflect... - To reflect on those three words which represent the true meaning and spirit of the holiday season... - BOOGIE!
ga911229 -- BOOGIE! BOOGIE!
ga911230 -- My foot's asleep. - - And I'm jealous!
ga911231 -- - ABANDON SHIP!!! - THUD! Oops. Tide's out.
ga920101 -- That's enough tummy scratching for one day. - You mean I should turn over so you can scratch my back? - GET UP! You mean I should stand, so you can scratch my tummy AND my back?
ga920102 -- My legs! - I can't feel my legs!! - MEDIC!!! Very funny, Jon.
ga920103 -- The mailman is here! - - The mailman and his big dog are here!
ga920104 -- - - Beware Of Dog
ga920105 -- - - - - Garfield, what happenend to all the snow? I used it. - -
ga920106 -- Hey! The first snowflake of the season! - - ...followed by the first freak blizzard of the season.
ga920107 -- Garfield, take a look outside and see what the weather is like, . Did it snow last night? - Yes, it did.
ga920108 -- Ah, winter...the snowflakes gently falling... - The hills blanketed in white... - The cat's face frozen in the birdbath. Just get the ice pick.
ga920109 -- DOOF! - DOOF DOOF doof doof doof DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF - Might we have a word with "The Mad Doofer"?
ga920110 -- Garfield, hurry up! I'm getting tired! gripe gripe gripe - And I'm freezing, too! You can't rush art, you big crybaby. - The things I do for my pets. Hold still.
ga920111 -- Here's something for all you mischievous-yet-polite types out there. - - GARFIELD! I call it the "have a nice day" snowball.
ga920112 -- But is it art? - - spinnnnnnnnnnn - nnnnnnnnnnnnnn woog woog woog woog - woog woog woog woogitty woogitty woogitty - woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty - woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty woogitty
ga920112 -- woogitty - ALL RIGHT!!! I'LL FIX YOUR DINNER!! woogity woogity woogity
ga920113 -- I'm going to run five miles! - Big deal. I've done that. - Not all at once, but over my lifetime that sounds about right.
ga920114 -- The fair thing would be to split this cookie in half. What do you thik, Garfield? - I can't make decisions on an empty stomach. - That's better. Let's seeee... You're right. We should split it.
ga920115 -- Garfield, don't you think the mice in this house are getting out of hand? - - Define "out of hand".
ga920116 -- - Finally, a nice, peaceful meal. - CRUNCH! Have you seen my lucky rock?
ga920117 -- - - Yes, yes, the excitement level of this room rose dramatically upon my arrival.
ga920118 -- - RIP ACK! - GARFIELD! Call me "Spot"!
ga920119 -- - - - - - - - HELP! CHAIR! HELP! CHAIR! Never seen a chair go bad like that before. Back in '39 I had a hassock with an attitude.
ga920120 -- Know why I'm wearing a suit, Garfield? - All of your other clothes are dirty? - I'm going out! To buy another suit?
ga920121 -- I have a date with the most beautiful woman on the planet tonight! - - And which planet would that be? I heard that!
ga920122 -- Jon has a big date tonight. - He's choosing his wardrobe very carefully. - Garfield, should I wear the squirting of the exploding tie? We wouldn't want to make the wrong impression.
ga920123 -- Last night's date was like a fairy tale, Garfield. - At midnight she ran out of the restaurant. - She left one of her steel-toed work boots behind. Let's go to the foundry and find who it fits.
ga920124 -- I give up, Garfield. Depression. - Women are all alike. Anger. - To them I'm just another cute guy ion a great suit. Hallucinations.
ga910125 -- Did you know that pets are good for exercise? - BURP -
ga920126 -- Z - I'm hungry, make me breakfast. Z - Z - - - - I'm hungry, make me breakfast. YAAHHH!!!
ga920127 -- YAWN - After a full night's sleep I'm still sleepy. - That's not a complaint, mind you.
ga920128 -- ALRIIIIGHT! MY BED! - OH YES! OH YES! I'M GOING TO TAKE A NAP NOW! - I suggested that Garfield be more enthusiastic about life. Z
ga920129 -- Gee, that pizza delivery boy looke familiar. - This box is empty! - GARFIELD! You forgot to tip me.
ga920130 -- boing boing FRIENDLY DOG!! - boing SLURP boing lick SLURP! SLURK SLOORK boing boing lick - Save yourself, Jon! FRIENDLY DOG!!!
ga920131 -- As per your instructions, henceforth, I will no longer be scratching the furniture with my claws. - PUT DOWN THAT POWER SANDER!
ga920201 -- KILL CAT!! KILL CAT!! Do you have an appointment? - Uh, no. Sorry. - Darn. If I let you kill me without an appointment, I have to let everybody kill me without an appointment.
ga920202 -- - Odie! Time for dinner! - BARK! BARK! BARK! - CHOMP! SLURP! GULP! SLURP! - BURP! pant! pant! pant! pant! - - -
ga920203 -- This is the All Pet Network. - And now it's time for every cat's favorite show... - "HARASS THE DOG!" Finally...quality television.
ga920204 -- Don'T change the channel. - We know where you live... - The rating wars escalate.
ga920205 -- Just when you think they have televised every sport... - YOW! - There's blindfolded darts.
ga920206 -- Well, Garfield, we can get a good night's sleep... - Or we can stay up and watch "Revenge of the Killer Worms". - "Bait store owner learns not to tease the inventory". I'll make the popcorn.
ga920207 -- Hmmph, another movie about the heroic feats of a kind-hearted, lovable dog. - Why is it you never see anything like that about kind-hearted, lovable cats? - Move or die, bean brain.
ga920208 -- Only an idiot would watch a show this bad. - CLICK! - It was a rerun anyway.
ga920209 -- Ah! Dinner! - FWOING - Watch this move. - SHOONK - plop! SCHLUP! - GULP! * DING - I call it the "cash register".
ga920210 -- YAAAAAAAWWN - BURRRRRRRP... scratch scratch scratch - HAAAACK koff koff koff Cats say the cutest things.
ga920211 -- Hmmm...one scoop or two? - SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP  SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP - I'll leave ONE scoop.
ga920212 -- This calls for a mop. - - SCHLOP
ga920213 -- It says here, "People with pets live longer". - - Maybe it just seems longer.
ga920214 -- Dogs can do tricks. Why can't cats? - Says who? - Pick a card.
ga920215 -- - trip Oops. - munch munch Clumsy me.
ga920216 -- - - SHOONK! - Garfwiel! My lips are thtuck! Do thumthing! - Hmmmm - * - biddity biddity biddity biddity
ga920217 -- This, students, is the domesticated house cat. Z - Descendant of the mighty lion... Z - Now degenerated into this. Sad. I have a sudden urge to wake up and kill something.
ga920218 -- I want you to "get" that mouse, Garfield. - I think you know what I mean. Yes, I do. - Hey, mouse! Your mother dresses you funny!
ga920219 -- Here, Garfield, lure the mouse with this cheese. - - It doesn't seem to be working.
ga920220 -- What's this in my water bowl? - It appears to be an inner tube. - Is the pool closed? I'll never drink water again.
ga920221 -- A mouse, Garfield! Get it!! - - The mighty hunter. I think I strained my shoulder. Do we have any Liniment?
ga920222 -- It's been nice chatting with you, but now it's time for my lunch. - - Or maybe not.
ga920223 -- Is this my good side? - split! - splat! splot! - - - - Gee, that was fun, boys, but I gotta get ready for my date at seven. - Or was that six?
ga920224 -- Jon should be making my breakfast. Z - But it's hard for him to wake up. Z - Which is why god made the water balloons. Z
ga920225 -- SWAT! - I've invented the dogswatter! - With the help of my local assistant here.
ga920226 -- - - I wonder if other people's pets have wild mood swings? grrrr grrrr
ga920227 -- People say dogs are better at tricks than are cats. - - AS IF THAT WERE SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!!!
ga920228 -- Keep away from my food, Garfield! - Go on! Farther! - That's better.
ga920229 -- Here, Odie! Catch the ball. - Good boy! - munch munch munch
ga920301 -- The New Improved Garfield NOW WITH * Sharper Claws! * Bigger Appetite! * Larger Ego! - Lemon-Fresh Scent!! - Sigh - - - Sigh...everybody has a trophy but me. - - YAAAAAAHHH! BOOF! WHOMP! THUD! CRAAASH! - May I have a word with you, Garfield?
ga920302 -- I have a surprise for you, Garfield. Here's a hint. - MOO! MOOOOO!! OINK OINK buck-buck buck-AAW! - We're going to the farm! I thought you got a date.
ga920303 -- C'mon, Garfield, we still have to load the car! - Hurry up, will you?! Get real. - The only thing I do fast is go to sleep.
ga920304 -- - - Next trip you're riding in the trunk.
ga920305 -- It's a beautiful day in the country, Garfield. I'm dying. - Sun shining, birds singing... It won't be long now. - Isn't life grand? I should never have eaten that frog.
ga920306 -- Here are some sandwiches for your trip home. Thanks, mom. - And a sweater. Uh, thanks. - And a spare tire. MOM! She made it herself.
ga920307 -- Push-ups are good for you, Garfield! - Riiiight. - Who is he kidding?
ga920308 -- tie tie tie Z - twang twang Z - Z - BWOING kiss Z - WHOOSH! ? - BWOING YAAAHH! - WHOOSH! GARFIELD! WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?!! - Why, being your bungee buddy, you silly neener head.
ga920309 -- Ah, 'tis sleeping beauty! Z - SMACK! - tooey! tooey! tooey! And they lived happily ever after.
ga920310 -- Wow! That's some Sundae, Garfield! - But, I thought we were out of ice cream. - We are. There's a steak under there.
ga920311 -- Self-control is a noble quality. - BOOT! - It's also quite elusive.
ga920312 -- Garfield, don't you think you're a little too self-centered? - Me? Self-centered? - Get real.
ga920313 -- - CRASH! - Aim a little off today, Garfield? This takes like linoleum!
ga920314 -- Eating right is easy. - Each day I eat from the four basic food groups. - Breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.
ga920315 -- I am starving. - I wish I had a pizza. - WHUMP! - My wish has been granted! - Gee, what should I wish for next? - Some after dinner music would be nice. -
ga920316 -- We're a bit slow today, hon. - Our cook went home sick. Flu? - Anthrax. This is where I run screaming into the street.
ga920317 -- Irma, do you give free refills on coffee? - Interesting question. - No one's ever asked for a second cup. Antidote, please.
ga920318 -- What's good today, Irma? - - What's edible today, Irma? Try the meat loaf.
ga920319 -- Uh, Irma, I don't mean to complain... - But, there's a hoof in my meat loaf. - OH, NO! THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE! - Uh, Irma, I don't mean to complain...
ga920320 -- I'll have the spaghetti, Irma. - Do you want that on a plate? Of course I do! - WELL EXCUSE ME, MISTER PICKY! IS IT TOO MUCH TO BE ACCORDED THE SAME AMENITIES OTHERS GET?! I'M A PERSON TOO, YOU KNOW!! I'll just have a small slice of life,
ga920320 -- thank you.
ga920321 -- CHOMP CHOMP GOBBLE GULP - * BING! - Breakfast is over. Now lunch begins.
ga920322 -- - - - - pant pant pant - pant pant pant - pant pant pant Thank you, mister sauna mouth.
ga920323 -- Believe it or not, Garfield, the world does NOT revolve around you! - - Although you are big enough for it to! One shot at a time, please.
ga920324 -- Anything I can do, your majesty? Peel me agrape. - Pluck me achicken? I was being sarcastic. Barbecue me a heifer!
ga920325 -- Burp. - Garfield, where's my goldfish?! Uh, we did lunch. - There's nothing in the bowl! Just like him to skip out on the check.
ga920326 -- What happened here, Garfield?! - You wouldn't understand. - YOU'VE DESTROYED THE HOUSE! You figured it out!
ga920327 -- People have different ways of handling depression. - Some cry, some mope around. - CRASH! Some tie shoelaces together.
ga920328 -- I'm not tying Jon't shoelaced together anymore. - It's too dull. - Mister Funny MAn! I'm forginf new frontiers.
ga920329 -- - - - - -
ga920330 -- Look at those people going to work. - There's a word for such noble, hard-working folks... - "Peasants".
ga920331 -- The night stalker closes in on his prey. - SNAP - And spends the rest of the evening with his lips in a mousetrap.
ga920401 -- - - Darn gravity.
ga920402 -- Well, it took a lot of work. - But it's worth it. - Garfield's "Birdbath of Death".
ga920403 -- Z - Z - Z Oh, sure. Start without me!
ga920404 -- - I wonder if Jon will be able to fiy my alarm clock?... - Once I've broken it.
ga920405 -- tappity tappity tappity - Yah-tah-dah-tah-dah-tah-dah. - - ENCORE! ENCORE! - Gee! You lov emy act that much?! - SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! - Nah! We just hadn't used up all the fruit!
ga920406 -- New neighbors, Garfield. - Doesn't look good. - If the yak gets off the leash, I'm outta there.
ga920407 -- BEWARE OF THE DOG - Want to see the slides of my vacation? - YAAAAAHHHH!!!
ga920408 -- whine whine whine Here, Odie. I'll open the door for you. - whine whine whine -
ga920409 -- ** - * - I doidn't know you could whistle! I ate a canary. *
ga920410 -- I really don't get going until that first cup of coffee. - SLUP! - Not that I DO get going, but, I could get going if I wanted.
ga920411 -- You're making me look bad. - Sorry. - How's this? Better.
ga920412 -- - sip - - POIT! - SPROING! - HURRRK - FWEEEP - TWOOOOT - HARRRRF - whew! - - sip
ga920413 -- I think Jon's mad at me. - But, he should know better than to wake me so early in the morning. - Mare mar my lips?! I think your lips are under the sofa.
ga920414 -- - - Z
ga920415 -- YAWN - YAWM - Yawned too big.
ga920416 -- - I love helping Jon clean the refrigerator... - We make sandwiches out of everything! Now if I spread peanut butter on the pickles, the peas won't roll off...
ga920417 -- GARFIELD! - Did you eat my licorice? - Who, me?
ga920418 -- - - We're having some fun now.
ga920419 -- Z - Z - Z - Z Z - Garfield Z Z - Garfield Z Z - *** wap wap wap wap wap Z
ga920420 -- RUNAWAY, DOUGHNUT! - - CHOMP! It didn't have a chance.
ga920421 -- Time to feed Garfield! - Time to eat! - You're late again! - I gotta work on my timing.
ga920422 -- COOKIES Uh oh, my head is stuck! - I hope Jon rescues me... - Eventually. munch munch
ga920423 -- We're out of candy bars! - Contact the proper authorities! Appoint a special committee! Call a psychic! - I think maybe you should cut down on the snacks, Garfield. We're a bit overreactive, aren't we?
ga920424 -- SANDWICH!! - -
ga920425 -- - - Nice outfit. I accessorized myself.
ga920426 -- - smek! - phhhhht! - phhhhhht! - - - -
ga920427 -- We've run out of shows! - You'll just have to go out and live your lives instead of sitting there watching us! - Just kidding! Whew!
ga920428 -- Odie and I are playing "Prospecting for Gold". - PUSH! - Now we're playing "Pack mule gets too close to the ledge".
ga920429 -- And now, for your listening pleasure... - BURP! - You're disgusting! Critics!
ga920430 -- - AH-HA!! - He fainted.
ga920501 -- - Well, I'm here to do some of that adorable "cat stuff". - Let me know when it's time for my break.
ga920502 -- This story just in! - King Kong is climbing up the outside of the Empire State Building! - Apparently, he wouldn't fit into the elevator! Ha! Ha! - That happened to me!
ga920503 -- Yawn - You can KEEP your mondays... - Tuesdays, wednesdays, and thursdays are okay, I guess. - Fridays are even better, 'cause you know the weekend is coming. - And don't get me wrong...saturdays are great. - But as far as I'm concerned, you
ga920503 -- can't beat sunday afternoons. - The only time of the week when goofing off is mandatory.
ga920504 -- I'm depressed! - TOOT Really down in the dumps! - But still doing my job, folks! You're beginning to annoy me.
ga920505 -- Z Get up, Garfield! - - Does this count?
ga920506 -- Eat that cookie and die! - - Wrong! I feel fine!
ga920507 -- We have a very special guest today. - The inventor of the rmeote control! - CLICK
ga920508 -- - Hmmmm. - Would it depress you to know the mice have a nicer place than we do?
ga920509 -- - - He must have heard my condiments clink together.
ga920510 -- - - - - - Throw the ball, Garfield.
ga920511 -- It's remarkable how cats are able to keep themselves entertained. - - Tag. I', "it".
ga920512 -- You know what's disgusting? What? - Things covered with cat hair! How true. - Hey, wait a minute!
ga920513 -- Garfield, there's a cat hair in my food! - I know how you feel. - There's food in my cat hair.
ga920514 -- I seem to be shedding a lot. - I wonder if Jon has noticed. - Probably.
ga920515 -- Cats are so vain. - Garfield's been preening all day. - How you doing? These curlers are killing me!
ga920516 -- Deep down inside, the domestic cat remains a primal beast. - If you are wise, you will fear me. - If you want me, I'll be playing with my teddy bear.
ga920517 -- snifffffff - A bee! Go away! Shoo! Shoo!- - SHOOM! SLAM! - pant pant pant - Whew! -
ga920518 -- Good mornin, Jon. - Good morning, Garf-YAAAAAHHHH!!! - TAKE OUT MY CONTACT LENSES!!
ga920519 -- Here, Garfield. This is a new kind of cat food. - GULP! - Funny...it doesn't SOUND any different.
ga920520 -- On long road trips some people like to read, some people like to sing... - BUMP BUMP BUMP - I like to loosen luk nuts.
ga920521 -- I Told you, Garfield, you can't come in with me! Now wait there! - Mr, Arbuckle, is that your car alarm? HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK No. - AND LAY OFF THE HORN!!! HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK
ga920522 -- Jon, I accidentally dropped you great-great-grandmother's gravy boat. - I'm sorry. - You never liked this gravy boat, did you? Had to accidentally drop the sucker 47 times.
ga930523 -- BANZAI! - SPLOOSH! - Why didn't you warn me we were having soup?
ga920524 -- dingle dingle dingle - dingle dingle - bowk! SCREEE - plop dingle - ? Ahhhh... pat pat pat - DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE - DINGLE DINGLE DINGLE
ga920525 -- Hey, Odie. I have an idea. - Let's put on a disguise and sneak up on Jon's lunch. - Nice try, guys. Oh, well, at least we can eat the costume.
ga920526 -- Watch this one, Odie! - TOING THOCK SPLOT Let's go see what we hit. - Here, Odie! Take it! Take it! Take it!
ga920527 -- Having a dog can provide a sense of security. - I sleep better at night having Odie around. - Yeah. He bores me too.
ga920528 -- Meow meow. Bark bark bark . - HEE HEE HEE HEE - SPEAK ENGLISH!
ga920529 -- GIANT RAT! - - Did I mention I shaved Odie?
ga920530 -- Watch this, Garfield. - Shake, Odie! - Isn't that great?! Big deal. Get me a pen and I'll give you an autograph.
ga920531 -- - - - - - - Good morning, Jon.
ga920601 -- - YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!! - Having a little paranoia for breakfast, Jon?
ga920602 -- Somebody ate the piece of cake I was saving. - - Any suspects, Sherlock?
ga920603 -- - The soup is too cold. - But I wouldn't cry about it.
ga920604 -- Here's a story about some lost explorers. They got so hungry, they resorted to cannibalism. - - Stay away from me. Just keep the bowl full.
ga920605 -- woob woob woob woob woob - SCHLOPP! - woob woob woob
ga920606 -- I ATE TOO MUCH! I'M GOING TO EXPLODE!! - Burp. - Thank goodness no one was harmed. You can all go back to your homes now. There's nothing more to see.
ga920607 -- Sniff. Gesundheit. - ding dong - - SLAM! - ding dong - Yes? - SLAM! -
ga920608 -- Z - ONE MORE TIME!! - Z
ga920609 -- Hello there, Mr. Lazy. - Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. - Hog dandruff! My lawyers, however, feel otherwise.
ga920610 -- z - You need to add more excitement to your life, Garfield. Z!
ga920611 -- Garfield, when it comes to doing nothing, nobody can outdo you. - - I hope you're not waiting for a response.
ga920612 -- How'd you like to be a bear, Garfield? Every winter you could sleep four months straight. - Don't be ridiculous. - YEAH, THAT WOULD BE CUTTING BACK, WOULDN'T IT?! Z
ga920613 -- You may think of food as just something to eat. - But it's more than that. - It's nap fuel.
ga920614 -- I'm a simple cat... - I really don't want much for my birthday.. - Just a simple cake. - A two layer cake with strawberry icing... - And a cherry on top. PING! - That's all... - Just a siomple cake.
ga920615 -- So, Garfield, you're going to be fourteen this week, huh? Thank you for reminding me. - Four-teen...wow-tee. Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen, fouuuuuuur-teeeeeen. - A teense sensitive, are we?
ga920616 -- Mom made you a tie for your birthday, Garfield. A TIE?! - Oh well, I guess it's the thought that counts. - And these cuff links. I must remember to send her a thank-you bomb.
ga920617 -- Happy birthday, Garfield! - By the way, may I borrow your golf clubs? Sure. - RIGHT AFTER I'M FINISHED WITH THEM!
ga920618 -- A birthday card! How nice! - Happy birthday, you big nut. Open this card and get a... - SPLUT!
ga920619 -- Happy birthday, Garfield! Ready for your cake? Just a minute! - Okay! - Bring that sucker on!
ga920620 -- It took all week. - But I finally got a birthday gift I like. - Racing stripes on my bed!
ga920621 -- Z - Z - YAWN - - - - Ever have a day when you're not sure which side of the looking glass you're on?
ga920622 -- Cooking pot on the head! - CLANG!! CLANG!! CLANG!! - You're not laughing.
ga920623 -- I went for a physical today, Garfield. - Guess what they found? - LAST NIGHT SOMEONE PAINTED MY TOENAILS! Let me see the face you made.
ga920624 -- Boredom inspector! - Hmmmm. - Keep up the good work. pat pat
ga920625 -- - SNIFF - You're weird! Checking his breath for candy.
ga920626 -- - There. - I can always sense when Jon is going away for the weekend.
ga920627 -- Watch how Jon's face lights up when I enter the room. - - Okay, maybe "lights up" was a poor choice of words.
ga920628 -- - CLICK! - fluff fluff fluff - YAWN - FLOP! - GOOD MORING, GARFIELD!!! TIME TO GET UP! - I'd like sleep even better if I were awake to enjoy it.
ga920629 -- Have you ever noticed how quietly cats can move about? - CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! - I certainly never have.
ga920630 -- Garfield, fetch m yslippers. Sorry, cats don't fetch slippers. - I will however, fetch the fetcher.
ga920701 -- Ah! - It must be fulfilling to have a warm, loving cat on your lap. - I've lost the feeling in my legs. You're welcome.
ga920702 -- Did you know cats can talk? We just don't choose to. - Garfield, I'm home! Who cares?! - If we did, NOBODY would like us.
ga920703 -- It says in this cat book that cats are sleek, svelte animals. - - What happened to you? I can't read! Okay?!
ga920704 -- Garfield, how come you rarely meow? That's silly talk. - Other cats meow. They have no dignity. - C'mon, meow for me. First you goo-goo for me.
ga920705 -- - TWANG - - brush brush brush brush - TWANG -  brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush - - TWANG
ga920706 -- I've made a list of 15 things about Jon that annoy me. - - I've made a list of *16* things about Jon that annoy me.
ga920707 -- Jump, Garfield, jump! - - C'mon, jump! I just did.
ga920708 -- Yes, I glued Jon's finger up his nose. Z - Yes, it's disgusting. Yes, I'll regret it. Z - YAAAH! But, for now, let's enjoy the moment.
ga920709 -- I remember the day I picked you up, Garfield. - It was a tough decision. Really? - It was between you and the iguana. I could have lived the res of my life without knowing that, Jon.
ga920710 -- click - How do you like this suit, Garfield? - click
ga920711 -- I interrupt your meaningless life for this important announcement. - My dinnertime is in 20 minutes. Don't be late. - I now return you to your regularly scheduled doldrums.
ga920712 -- OK, Odie, let's check the list to make sure we've got everything. - Turkey baster, bubble gum, feather duster. arf arf arf - ...raw liver, rubber bands, duct tape. arf...arf...arf - ...moth balls, a nine iron, and the live trout. arf arf arf
ga920712 -- - Great! That's all of it! Let's go! Z - I'd explain this, but it gets kind of technical. - Z - YAAAHH!! OKAY! OKAY! I'M UP!!!
ga920713 -- Remember, you stupid talking scale, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. - - I can't win.
ga920714 -- I wonder how I'd look without this stomach. - -
ga920715 -- Give me some good news for a change. - Congratulations! - You just gave birth to another chin!
ga920716 -- Garfield, your stomach is disgusting! - You can't even see your feet! Oh, yes I can. - There they are!
ga920717 -- - You've gained weight, but, hey, who hasn't? - These new talking scales with the sympathy chips are great!
ga920718 -- The batteries are low. Looks like we'll have to weigh you another day. - Whew! A reprieve! - Whew! A reprieve!
ga920719 -- - DINNER! - FLOMP! - Hup! - EEERRRRGH - - It's diet time. Are you speaking to me?
ga920720 -- Z - - I know! I know! Diet time
ga920721 -- You know, Garfield, dieting is psychological. - I have something to help you. - Why is it I have a sudden craving for corn?
ga920722 -- You may have a salad. - - Pork chops aren't considered a salad! I have much to learn.
ga920723 -- COOKIE CRUMB! - BANZAI! - COME TO PAPA! - Diet getting to you, Garfield?
ga920724 -- I'm proud to report I've gained only one pound! - - With Garfield, the goal of a diet isn't losing weight, it's slowing down the gain.
ga920725 -- Here's a diet quiz, Garfield. - Would you turn in your best friend for a jelly doughnut? - I'd visit you on weekends. I think I know the answer to that one.
ga920726 -- beep beep boop gurgle urgle urgle - Okay, Garfield, I figured it out, you may go off your diet. REALLY? - YAAAH-HOO... - YES!! YES!! YES!! YES!! - WHOOPEE!! WHOOPEE!!! - ALL RIGHT!!! ALL RIGHT!!! - It would be a good idea to exercise though.
ga920726 -- What?! Are you crazy?
ga920727 -- - GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! - You have a problem, Garfield. - Well, wake up, sleepyhead!
ga920728 -- Ah, nature! - - Needs vacuuming.
ga920729 -- You should exercise more. - - More than that?
ga920730 -- - We're out of cookies! - And I think that last one was a coaster.
ga920731 -- Giant scorpions! - The wolfman is headed this way! - King Kong has a head cold and wants to borrow your handkerchief! I'm not moving till I finish this sandwich.
ga920801 -- - - I hate birds.
ga920802 -- RAH - - Hi, Garfield. Yo. - Whew. Oh, no! - He's been waiting for this moment. - Look at him...like a snake ready to strike. - What's he waiting for? Why doesn't he just say it and get it over with?!! - Hot enough to fry a cat on a sidewalk.
ga920802 -- AARRRGH!
ga920803 -- So, doctor, are dogs more intelligent than cats? - Well, dogs scored very high in testing. ...and cats? - Well, they wouldn't take the test. We have nothing to prove.
ga920804 -- - - WHAP! Pretty good hang time on that kick.
ga920805 -- Garfield, that woman is winking at me! - It's love at first sight! - Dust in her contact lens. I ate your dessert.
ga920806 -- This should keep those mice out. - They'll never steal my lunch now. - Unless they charter a plane.
ga920807 -- I'm going to open my fortune cookie now, Garfield. Go for it, big guy. - Ah, what good news awaits? crik BURP - "A runaway hubcap from a speeding car will lodge itself up your nose". Promise you'll wake me.
ga920808 -- Well, Garfield, for dinner you ate all the food in the house. - That's poor planning! No, it's not. - What are you going to do in the morning, huh? I plan to sleep through breakfast.
ga920809 -- - - - CRASH! - click click click - - No matter how many times I see it, I'm still amazed.
ga920810 -- People who have simple pleasures should be admired. - ** FUZZY BUNNY SLIPPERS!...CUTE BUNNY SLIPPERS!...COMFY BUNNY SLIPPERS! ** - ...and then executed.
ga920811 -- Soup? - - Is this a hint? You're getting dangerously close to lunch time.
ga920812 -- You are watching the National Dog Channel. - And now the headlines... - Cats spread disease! I hate biased reporting.
ga920813 -- Watch it, cat! I have Fido with me today! - Well, bring on this Fido * Heere, Fido! - Mail's here.
ga920814 -- Well, it's friday night. - OOOH! AAHHH! WOO! WOO! OOOOHH! - THERe IT IS! Time for a rousing game of "find the ice cube".
ga920815 -- Here. - All I can say is, I'm sorry. - What is this?
ga920816 -- GARFIELD! DINNER! - - kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss - HUGGG - - -
ga920817 -- Ladies and gentlemen...Mr. Excitement! - I reckon it might rain...unless the sun comes out, of course. - Go back to your homes! Mr. Excitement has spoken!
ga920818 -- Today on "Wildlife," my assistant, Bubba, will ford this river. - AIEEE!! - My, aren't those piranha busy little fellas! I never liked Bubba.
ga920819 -- Billy writes to ask Professor Astronomy, "how many stars are there in the universe?" - Excellent question, Billy! - Let's see...one...two...three...four... I hope this isn't one of those two-parters.
ga920820 -- Remember Cindy? The girl who said she couldn't go out with me tonight? I just saw her at the store. - * - Heey! She didn't have brain surgery after all! A dim bulb brightens.
ga920821 -- - - This tastes funny. If you add water, it makes its own gravy.
ga920822 -- I'm so dull, I'm almost invisible. - - Who said that?
ga920823 -- - Garfield! - Garfield! - GARFIELD!! - GARFIELD!! - - supper time. - ZIP
ga920824 -- Jon! My favorite person!... - In this room... - ...at the moment. He's crazy about me.
ga920825 -- There's no place like home. - - We can only hope.
ga920826 -- My wallet! - What would a cat want with a wallet? - Genuie cowhide.
ga920827 -- Oh, Garfield. - What happened to my chair? - Well, first of all, I don't think "chair" is the correct descriptive term anymore.
ga920828 -- - YOU'RE STANDING ON MY FOOT!! - My, we're rather self-absorbed today, aren't we?
ga920829 -- I'm watching television with a cat. - It's saturday night. I'm watching television with a cat! - And reality rears its ugly head. I'M WATCHING TELEVISION WITH A CAT!!
ga920830 -- Z - Z - Rats! I woke up right before my alarm was set to go off! - I hate it when that happens...I should just get up now. - But I do still have a few min...u...t...e...s ... l...e...f...t... - Z - BRIIINNG!!
ga920831 -- Garfield, my high school is having a class reunion! Want to come along? - - There'll be a buffet. Oh. Okay.
ga920901 -- All the guys on the team had nicknames. - "Flash"..."Bruiser"..."Rock"... - Here's me. "Zit"?
ga920902 -- This is Harold Melsnick. - He used to call me a loser! - This is me at the prom. - Lovely dress your mother is wearing.
ga920903 -- Did you bring your wife to the reunion, Arbuckle? Nope. - Girlfriend? Actually, I brough my cat. - HEY, ARBUCKLE BROUGHT A CAT! I sense hostility.
ga920904 -- Wait till you meet Drizella Skagway. She was alittle skinny but she had a crush on me in high school! - Hey, Wheezer, have you seen Drizella? Yeah. She's over there. - Where?! Right there. You hung your coat on her.
ga920905 -- Gary Barker! How about this reunion? Ha ha ha! - HAW! HAW! HAW! HA! I could always crack Gary up. - HAW! HAW! Gary...uh Gary? We need a net over here.
ga920906 -- "Garfield" Mmmmh - There's only one reason I came to this high school reunion, Garfield. - ...Jennifer Hamilton! - I worshipped her she thought I was a nerd. Go figure. - Wait 'till she sees how suave I've become. - There she is! I've dreamed
ga920906 -- of this moment for years! - Hi, Jon. Remember me? stomp stomp stomp GAH GAH GAH Some things never change.
ga920907 -- Yes, Jennifer, since high school I've become somewhat of a sophisticate. - I've matured in- HEY, CRAPFACE! - REMEMBER THETIME YOU BLEW YOUR NOSE IN THE SCHOOL FLAG? Later, wheezer.
ga920908 -- Hey, Crapface, sure is a great class reunion, huh? Sure is, Wheezer. - Remember the time I threw your pants into the girl's locker room? Yeah, you were young and crazy then. - NOW YOU'RE JUST CRAZY! I love nostalgia.
ga920909 -- ELMO! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! GOOD TO SEE YOU! My name's not Elmo. - Oh, of course...GEORGE! Nope. ED! Nope. FRANK! Nope, it's Jon. - RIIGHT! JON! WHY, YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT! Who the heck are you?
ga920910 -- Mrs. Fronzak, my old English teacher! - What are you doing at the class reunion? Waiting for that overdue term paper, Jonny. - My, uh, cat ate it! Leave me out of this!
ga920911 -- Mrs, Fronzak, I didn't know teachers were invited to the class reunion. I'm here on official business. - I'm the chaperone. The what? - HEY! HEY! CUT THAT OUT, YOU TWO! Mrs Fronzak, they're married.
ga920912 -- Watch this, Garfield! I'll show my old classmates I still have all the moves! - BOOGIE! BOOGIE! BOOGIE! - Let's boogie on home. I'll lead.
ga920913 -- click - ? click click click - Ha! The batteries in the remote control must be dead! - Is it possible you just might have to walk across the entire room to change the channel?! Heave forbid! - So what are yougoing to do now, huh?! - I had to
ga920913 -- ask.
ga920914 -- - Have you ever wondered why pets will suddenly run from one room to another? - That ought to keep him wondering.
ga920915 -- Now all my kite needs is a tail. - - Is it raining? Nope. It's drooling.
ga920916 -- Garfield! My shaving cream! - We're playing "Rabid Coyotes". - What am I to do?! Find us some sheep!!
ga920917 -- - - CRASH! I tampered with his brakes.
ga920918 -- I've been a good influence on the boys. - Thy've become very cultivated. - However, I'm getting sick of "Swan Lake".
ga920919 -- Okay, Odie, let's try out this new flea spray. - It says here to shake well before using. - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE
ga920920 -- munch munch munch - Sit, Odie! - Shake, boy! - Sit up! - Lie down! - Roll over! - Good boy!
ga920921 -- EEEEEEEK!!! - That sounded like the mailman. - You're weird. That's no way to talk to a person in uniform.
ga920922 -- From now on, call me "Mister Fun"! - - "Mister Fun" is sorting his socks.
ga920923 -- I don't feel like cooking tonight, Garfield. - We'll have spaghetti and meatballs from the can. - In some cultures they eat cats. Not from the can, I'll bet.
ga920924 -- I think that cloud looks just like a cloud. - - Which one?
ga920925 -- I'm leaving. - - But I'll be back. Rats.
ga920926 -- I'm sleepy. - And hungry. - Z
ga920927 -- - BWEEP! BWEEP! BWEEP! - Captain, our sensors have picked up something! Go to visual! - Woah! What is that thing?! It appears to be a hideous blob of fat, sir! - FIRE PHASERS! - Phasers have no effect, sir! - I hate you. Sir, I'm picking up
ga929927 -- some hostile readings.
ga920928 -- Garfield, do you know there's a mouse in the garbage? I think so... - ** Oh, there's a mouse in the garbage, and I don't caaare... * - I'm glad I couldn't hear that. Do you know "There's a yak in the pantry"?
ga920929 -- - - Where's the TV? You don't want to know.
ga920930 -- drill drill drill drill - - - - sniffffff - GOOSH!
ga921001 -- - What's this? - BLAT!
ga921002 -- - - Rent
ga921003 -- I see you're ready to pounce, Garfield. - You bet! - They're baking a cake!
ga921004 -- Z - Garfield... Z - Dinner. POING! - SHOOM! - GULP! - SHOOM! - Z Amazing.
ga921005 -- YAAAAAHHH!!! - What a horrible nightmare! I dreamed I lived with a human who... - YAAAAAAHHHH!!!
ga921006 -- - - Am I boring you, or are you boring me?
ga921007 -- - - That's the biggest slingshot I've ever seen.
ga921008 -- Cheer up, Garfield! Let a smile be your umbrella! - That's what my aunt Edna used to say. - Till a bolt of lightning blew her dentures clean through the garage door.
ga921009 -- A beautiful evening, Garfield. - Full moon...warm breeze... - The neighbors taking sledgehammers to the lawn ornaments. Get away from there!
ga921010 -- - - playing hide-and-seek with Odie is no big challenge.
ga921011 -- Now THAT'S a recliner. - - shake shake - poomp poomp - poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp poomp - - - Of course.
ga921012 -- MOUSE! - Yes? - He runs fast for a fat guy.
ga921013 -- Okay, mouse...this is it! - crash! -
ga921014 -- I'll show those stupid mice. NOK NOK - What's the password? Iggy sent me. - Sorry, that was LAST week's password.
ga921015 -- - - Duplex.
ga921016 -- - -
ga921017 -- - - I'm sorry. Were you using that chair.
ga921018 -- - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - Bark bark arf arf arf. - Woof woof bark ark ark ark - Bark-bark BOW-WOW-WOW! - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA - TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - SPLUT! SPLUT! SPLUT! - I gotta find a new opening act. BOO! BOOO! BOO! BOO!
ga921019 -- They say happiness is contagious! - - Or is that the flu? The flu.
ga921020 -- Dinner! - -
ga921021 -- - This looks like a good place to make camp. - munch munch munch munch
ga921022 -- Garbage...junk...garbage...junk...garbage...junk... click click click click click click - AH! - Trash!
ga921023 -- This is my aunt Lillian. Who cares? - A very unusual lady. Right. - She used to braid her eyebrows. All right, I'll look.
ga921024 -- - - He's so cute!
ga921025 -- - - - - - DECIDE! - Some decisions should't be rushed.
ga921026 -- Watch this. - tap tap snicker snicker - YAAHHH!
ga921027 -- sneak sneak sneal - tap tap snicker snicker - YEEEEK!!
ga921028 -- BOO! - SLUUURRRRP! - SNAP!
ga921029 -- BOO! - Nice try, Garfield. But you're not getting my food. -
ga921030 -- You can't fool me, Jon! I know that's you! - YAAAH! - Gotcha
ga921031 -- You show me your ugly mask, and I'll show you mine. - -
ga921101 -- - HOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo What's that sound?! - What sound? - That eerie, low lament of some lifeless demon bent on entering our house and dragging us into the dark night. - ARROOOOOOOO - Now what's THAT sound? Oh, shut up.
ga921102 -- Think about it, Garfield... - Where would you be without me? - More toward the middle of the chair.
ga921103 -- - - He seems almost lifelike. I hate you.
ga921104 -- - You're collecting dust. - And does anybody say "thank you"?!
ga921105 -- - Get up, Mister Lazy. - Let me sleep!
ga921106 -- BOING - - Z - Stalking the wild nap.
ga921107 -- I've decided to become more cute and cuddly from now on. - - So, how am I doing?
ga921108 -- Sigh - Ah, night noises...crickets chirping... chirp chirp chirp chirp - The ticking of the clock... tick tick tick - The hous settling creeeeeeeeek... - The breeze through an open window... woooooooosshh - An owl hooting in the distance...
ga921108 -- HOOT HOOT - CHIRP CHIRP HOOT TICK TICK TICK CHIRP CHIRP WOOOOOOOSHHHH CREEEEEEEEK! HOO TICK TICK
ga921109 -- I'm bored with myself, Garfield. - I need a new look. - That's not what I meant.
ga921110 -- Garfield, I'm changing my image! You have one? - I'm going macho! Please, I just ate. - Maybe I'll get a tattoo. How about "born to whine"?
ga921111 -- You know, Garfield, a macho man has a trophy wall of wild game. That's not an animal. - I bagged this Aussie Jackrabbit at 200 yards in the outback. That's your old bunny slipper. - At no small risk to life and limb. "In loving memory of
ga921111 -- Lefty".
ga921112 -- Notice anything different about me, Garfield? - You put your nose drops in your eyes again? I'm squinting! All macho guys squint! - THUD! Dumb place for a coatrack. My hero.
ga921113 -- Maybe if I use a blow-dryer and styling mousse, I can make my hair more mach! - VOOOOO - Well? It's a start.
ga921114 -- I know! I'll turnup my collar!! snap! - All macho guys turn up their collars! - now I can't breathe. That's a small price to pay for machohood.
ga921115 -- psssst - Let's see now...got my macho leather jacket, got my hair combed...macho style... - Got my macho shades, got my macho gold chains... - Got my macho cowboy boots, and got my macho wheels! - Okay, Garfield, let's go! You pull, and I'll
ga921115 -- pose! - Ladieeees. They always come out on warm days.
ga921116 -- Y'know, Garfield, the more zippers a man has, the more macho he is! - Take a gander at this outfit. It has six gajillion zippers! - pat pat pat pat Now where did I put my keys? This could take months!
ga921117 -- - - Nope, I still feel depressed. Can we take the hats off now?
ga921118 -- - YEEOW! - Hot zipper.
ga921119 -- I look back on my life with regrets. - All those wasted years. - All that time spent awake.
ga921120 -- fluff fluff fluff - fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff -
ga921121 -- I wonder if Garfield knows I have pizza in the oven. - - I wonder if Jon knows I ate his pizza. He doesn't suspect anything.
ga921122 -- - HONK! - VROOM! - ZOOM! - BEEEEP! - Whew! -
ga921123 -- Oh, we're going to the beach...we're going to the beach... fuh fuh fuh - Ohhhh, we're going to the. fuh fuh fuh - fuh fuh fuh bbbEEEEEEE
ga921124 -- YEEHAAAA! I hate the beach. - SPLOOSH! - EEEEK! But, it does have it's moments.
ga921125 -- On this beach you have surf nuts, beach bums... - I TOUCHED SEAWEED!! - And sand dweebs.
ga921126 -- YAAAAAAHHH!!! - SPLOOOOOSH! - So, how was bodysurfing?
ga921127 -- Do you think I'm getting a sunburn, Garfield? Only one way to tell. - SLAP! - YEEEEOOOOW! You're getting a sunburn.
ga921128 -- - Burying people in the sand is fun, huh? Yup. - What shall we do next? Wait for the high tide.
ga921129 -- Sigh - I don't like this beach, Garfield. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I hate my swimsuit. But, the knees were worn out of your old one. - The lifeguard kicked sand in my face. I'll have a word with her. - Those people told me to put my shirt on.
ga921129 -- Well, they were eating. - The I went swimming and got seaweed up my nose. It was pretty funny when the kids ran away screaming. - Let's go home. As soon as Odie finishes rolling on the dead fish.
ga921130 -- - - I TOLD you not to eat your ice cream all in one bite.
ga921201 -- Do you thin it's easy being a cat? - WELL, DO YOU? - Yeah, you're right.
ga921202 -- BEWARE OF DOG - BEWARE OF DOG -
ga921203 -- And now for a twenty hour nap. - - Remember, I'm a professional. Don't try this at home.
ga921204 -- When Garfield is awake, he's a fat disgusting pig. - But when he's asleep, he looks just like an angel. - A fat, disgusting angel. Z
ga921205 -- - - I'm getting organized. To Eat Eaten
ga921206 -- GASP! - HO!! NO!! - ZWIP - slap slap slap slap slap - Z Z - WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!!
ga921207 -- C'mon Garfield, let's play! Play? - Play, as in to exert energy for no apparent reason? - Is that a "no"? Sweat is sweat.
ga921208 -- Poor Jon... - Outside...with no umbrella... - BAM! BAM! BAM! And the doors and windows all locked.
ga921209 -- Odie looks good in a hat. - -
ga921210 -- Lookin' good there, fella. - You're big, you're beautiful, and people love you. - I'm a popicle with hair.
ga921211 -- You are lazy, Garfield, and you can't deny it! - I can so deny it! - I just don't feel like it, that's all.
ga921212 -- - - I have a hair dryer, and I'm dangerous!
ga921213 -- Z - Z Ahem - YAHHH! Good morning, Jon! Guess what? It's the Christmas season! - And I'm gonna be nice to you... - So that Santa will bring yours truly lots of stuff! - Here's breakfast in...oops! - Uh, let's keep this our little secret, okay?
ga921214 -- - - Christmas is coming.
ga921215 -- We're looking for a Christmas tree. How about an artificial one? - What's the difference? You don't have to water an artificial tree. - So? We don't water the real ones anyway.
ga921216 -- Let's see now...where should we put the tree? - How about over there, where we put last year's tree? - Sounds good.
ga921217 -- * Ah, the traditional "bringing the Christmas decorations down from the attic". - * - Along with the also-traditional "finding of the big, hairy spider in the box".
ga921218 -- Join us now, won't you? - In our traditional holiday search... - For the one bad bulb in a string of five zillion that makes the others go out.
ga921219 -- Christmas is a time of traditions. - Some old, some new, some universal... - And some from the lunatic fringe. C'mon, Garfield! Put yours on!
ga921220 -- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR - RRGGGGGGGGGGGGG - GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
ga921221 -- Look, Garfield! - A Christmas card from mom and dad! I could have guessed that. - You don't see many cards with Santa in bib overalls.
ga921222 -- What could be more traditional than the hanging of a Christmas wreath on the door? - -
ga921223 -- Santa shouldn't have any trouble at our house tomorrow night! - I'll turn on the Christmas lights so he can see our roof...I'll leave out milk and cookies in case he's hungry...and...oh, yeah. - I'll grease the chimney.
ga921224 -- No way I'm gonna miss seeing Santa this year! - If I have to, I'll stay...awake...all... - Z
ga921225 -- SSSMM - MAACK!! - Gotcha! Merry Christmas! Jim Davis.
ga921226 -- So, Garfield... - How do you like the turtleneck sweater mom made you for Christmas? - Too much neck, not enough turtle.
ga921227 -- * - * - ** - * - *** - - Let it go, Garfield.
ga921228 -- I was thinking about mortality. Oh, great. - What would I ever do if Garfield passed on? Gee... - Then I started thinking...lawn ornaments. I'll outlive him if it kills me.
ga921229 -- Tonight I'll be miming the news! - - What the?... Either aliens have landed or the aarvark's pants are too short.
ga921230 -- Jon got another fern. - You have to admire his perserverance. - And pity his stupidity.
ga921231 -- - - What are you waiting for? Midnight.
ga930101 -- This year I resolve to sleep no more than eight hours a day! - So let's see...eight hours a day times 365, divided by 24...is...121 and 2/3 days! - Going to bed? Yup. Wake me on may third.
ga930102 -- It's a beautiful morning! - - Wake me in the ugly afternoon.
ga930103 -- Have A Nice Day Shut Up And Pour - - Yes, stamp collecting can be very rewarding... - EEEEEEEEEEEK!!! - HELP! HELP! MY DATE IS TALKING ABOUT STAMPS! - There, there dear...you can sit at our table. Oh, thank you! - - I collect bottle caps. OH
ga930103 -- SHUT UP!
ga930104 -- I'm tired of scratching you, Garfield. scratch scratch scratch - Fascinating. - scratch scratch scratch
ga930105 -- - bonka bonka bonka bonka bonka bonka THUD! - Odie can make good time down the stairs now that they're buttered.
ga930106 -- Yesterday I filled the cookie jar. Now there's only one left. - So what's your excude, Garfield? - No excude. I just missed it, that's all.
ga930107 -- Oops! I dropped my sandwich on the floor. - Well, ALMOST on the floor. - Nice diving catch, Garfield. Thanks!
ga930108 -- This is The National Cat Network - Now back to our feature presentation... - "Lassie Crosses the Freeway". I'm rooting for the trucks.
ga930109 -- An unguarded hamburger! - - Cat food! Gotcha.
ga930110 -- Oh, Gaaaarfieeeeld! - - - scoop scoop - pack pack - Okay! Your - turn.
ga930111 -- Garfield, what do you think of our refrigerator? It keeps the food off the floor. - Do you think we should get a new one? Do you think air will catch on as a breathing medium? - What say we go shopping? Jo, you don't "shop" for a
ga930111 -- refrigerator, you make a commitment.
ga930112 -- I'm looking for a new refrigerator. I see. Anything specific? - - Do you have any with alarms and a time lock?
ga930113 -- I love refrigerator shopping! - I wonder what this lever does? - How convenient.
ga930114 -- I don't know, Jon. - As refrigerators go, I guess it's okay. - But, don't they have anything bigger?
ga930115 -- For the dieter, here's a fridge with a full-length mirroe. Absurd. - For the indecisive diner, this one features a peephole. Silly. - And for the cat owner...a pet door. Practical.
ga930116 -- Now this fridge has a 19" TV installed right in the door. - And for the hopelessly decadent... - A roll away bed! What? No hot tub?
ga930117 -- Attention! Attention! - This meeting of the Loyal Order of Dog Haters is now in session! - First, a special thanks to Lily for bringing the rats and milk tonight. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - Now let's recite our oath. "Do unto dogs...then
ga930117 -- run!" - Old business: Let's hear it for Roscoe, who sat on a chihuahua last week! clap clap clap clap - New business: Dog joke...how many dogs does it take to replace a light bulb? One...if you screw him in real tight! ...meeting adjourned!
ga930117 -- HAW HA HA HAR HAW HA HA - Who says cats aren't civic-minded?
ga930118 -- Monday check. - SPLUT! HA! - FOOLEd YOU!
ga930119 -- I am the master of the house due to my superior intelligence! - - Your pants are on backwards.
ga930120 -- I'll get it! - Hello? ...sorry, he's eating. He can't be disturbed. - That was rude? Tell me about it. They always call at mealtime.
ga930121 -- - SWISH! - hop hop hop hop
ga930122 -- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Jon had a new shirt. - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! - He's always like that till he finds all the pins.
ga930123 -- - WELL, I THINK I'LL EAT A BIRD! - I gotta stop talking to myself.
ga930124 -- - Hey, Garfield. Yo. - Do you know that easy chair we have? You mean that big purple scratching post in front of the T.V.? - Well, mom thought it looked a little threadbare... It's just starting to get some personality. - So, she made a
ga930124 -- slipcover for it. Uh-oh. - The daisy queen strikes again. We could move.
ga930125 -- This house is full of memories, Garfield. - Yup, if only these walls could talk. Yup. - They'd say, "get a life".
ga930126 -- Ever wake up feeling depressed, Garfield? - Maybe it's my uneventful life. - Or maybe it's because you glued my hand to my face!! Sure, blame me.
ga930127 -- Garfield, have you noticed how dull and repentitive our lives are? - - Garfield, have you noticed how dull and repentitive our lives are? Sigh.
ga930128 -- - Let's do something. I thought we were. - Something where we move. You lost me.
ga930129 -- My life stinks. - - Your life isn't so hot either. Better than yours!
ga930130 -- I feel blue, Garfield. - You doo look depressed. - I know! I'll treat myself to a new pair of sweat socks! Oh no! He's contagious!
ga930131 -- Z - Go get the ball, boy! - - - ? - PTOOEY!
ga930201 -- OH, NO! - Forest fires! Pestilence! DRought! - Earthquakes!--- This won't delay lunch, will it?
ga930202 -- You get the house filthy, and I clea it! - You get the house filthy, and I clean it! - Ah, the delicate balance of nature.
ga930203 -- Join us again next time for "Macrame and You"! Z - Z - GARFIELD! Z
ga930204 -- Good boy. pat pat - Hey, who's the master around here? - If you have to ask, it isn't you.
ga930205 -- - - Show-off.
ga930206 -- - - Am I in your chair, Garfield?
ga930207 -- - You wouldn't believe my day, Garfield. - First, I tripped and fell down six flights of stairs. - When I landed, I got my head stuck in a bucket of pork chops. - Then, a roaming pack of hungry wolves mistook me for lunch... - ...and chased
ga930207 -- me into an open elevator shaft, which wouldn't have been so bad had it not been for the rabid shaft badgers. - And then I... Hey, Mr. Motor Mouth, don't you want to know how MY day went?
ga930208 -- Why do cats climb trees? - For a number of reasons. - Tweet tweet There's one now.
ga930209 -- Chirp. Ready or not, here I come! - POW! BIFF! BOP! - He was ready. Chirp.
ga930210 -- - - Much better.
ga930211 -- LET GO, GARFIELD! I HAVE A NET! - BOING! -
ga930212 -- * - There's more than one way to get a cat down a tree. - Smart, real smart.
ga930213 -- - -
ga930214 -- - - CONGRATULATIONS, ODIE!! - You have just won an all expenses paid vacation to the backyard! - First, a photo for the press. CLICK - Bon voyage, you lucky pup! Send a postcard! -
ga930215 -- Jon says I have a bad attitude in the morning. - Well, some people have to ease into the day. - I feel better after I've killed something.
ga930216 -- KICK! - CRASH! - SPLAT IIIII BONK IIII CRASH IIIIII
ga930217 -- I have looked danger in the face and laughed! - - Drank milk that was past the expiration date.
ga930218 -- BEWARE OF THE LITTLE DOGS - Yeah, right. - GRR! GRR! GRR! GRR! GRR!
ga930219 -- According to this chart, considering what you weigh, you should be eleven feet tall! - - Are you calling me short?
ga930220 -- BOOT! - SPLOIT! - Whoa, that can't be good for the taste of the soup.
ga930221 -- BRRRRIIINNG! Uh-oh. SMASH - - - - HURRY! HURRY UP AND PERK!!! plup ploop
ga930222 -- - Arleeeene, babeeee! Hi, Garfield. - Uh, don't you have someplace to go? And miss seeing how long you can hold that pose?
ga930223 -- Are we ever going to have a relationship, Garfield? Nah, we're different, you and I. - You're neat, I'm a slob. You're refined, I'm just a regular guy. You're generous, kind and giving... - And, you don't want to share your dinner dish...
ga930223 -- Bingo, baby-cakes.
ga930224 -- Arlene, do you mind if I do something impetuous? Go ahead. - Bark! Bark! Bark! -
ga930225 -- Your key or mine, Arlene? - Mine. Of course, my dear. - ROWWRRRR
ga930226 -- Who's that? That's Odie, Arlene. - BOOT! - He kicks real nice. Doesn't he though?
ga930227 -- It's been a perfect evening. Yes, it was. - Good night, Arlene. Good night, Garfield. - SMACK
ga930228 -- RIIINNG! - RIIINNG! - Hi, Jon...Jon? Jon, are you there? rowr - Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I must have dialed a wring number! I'll try again...'bye. - - RIIINNG! - Hi, Jon? ...Jon?
ga930301 -- Boy, the days fly by fast...seems every time you turn around... - SPLUT! - It's monday again.
ga930302 -- Come to papa! - AYIEEEE! - I see you've met my Mongolian screaming carp. You're going to have to sleep sometime.
ga930303 -- Nice space helmet, Garfield. Thank you. - - Where's my goldfish? Exploring (burp) new frontiers.
ga930304 -- Two astronauts hovering above a hostile planet. - BOOT! - One opts to stay aboard while the other beams down to the surface.
ga930305 -- On your mark, get set, go! - - And don't come back.
ga930306 -- Jon gave me this turtle to keep me amused. - I'm taking it for a walk. - Woah! Slow down, boy!
ga930307 -- Tag! You're it! WHOP! - - SLAM! - - CREEEK -
ga930308 -- Are you going to lie around all day? Of course not! - - I was planning to sit up for a few minutes this afternoon.
ga930309 -- You're a worthless lump of blubber, Garfield. - That wasn't very nice. - Lumps of blubber have feelings too.
ga930310 -- Life is ugly. - - Though not as ugly as the underside of a dog's tongue.
ga930311 -- Garfield, you're lazy! - I am NOT, Jon! - Thanks.
ga930312 -- You ought to tone up those muscles, Garfield! huff huff huff - Yeah, right. huff huff huff - How fit do you have to be to goof off?
ga930313 -- - - Pitiful
ga930314 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - Sorry, Garfield, but I only have one chip left. - If I had more, I'd share them with you. - SLAP! CRONCH! - Now you have LOTS more!
ga930315 -- Fetch, Odie! - - That should keep him busy for the rest of the week.
ga930316 -- Z Wake up, Garfield. - The early bird gets the worm! - ...the late cat would prefer coffee, pancakes and a side of bacon.
ga930317 -- - - Z - He thinks it's night.
ga930318 -- This is my uncle, "Tough Bob". - He once had surgery with no anesthetic! That IS tough! - Soon after, they changed his name to "Screaming Bob". He sure has big eyes.
ga930319 -- - grinka - Feed me.
ga930320 -- - ...hee hee SNORT! - GARFIELD!! |||||||/
ga930321 -- - - SLURP - - SLURRP! - Look out! - SLURRP!
ga930322 -- Don't look at my food like that! - How about like this? - Or myabe this? Now I've lost my appetite.
ga930323 -- Garfield, stealing my lunch wasn't nice. - Not nice? - NOT NICE? OH, NO!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!! - You're cold. What if I shaved my head as penance?
ga930324 -- - - GARFIELD! SPEAK TO ME! - Hmm, my decoy sprung a leak.
ga930325 -- Garfield, I have to admit you tenacity. - You've pulled some dumb stunts. - But this is the worst. Feed the teeth!
ga930326 -- I like to eat from each of the three basic food groups: what's in my bowl... - What's on Jon's plate... - And what's left over. GARFIELD!
ga930327 -- I'm tired of having the same thing for dinner every night... - GLUP! - Nothing? ...nothing.
ga930328 -- DRIP Z - DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - CREEEEEK - - - DRAP DRAP DRAP DRAP
ga930329 -- - TA-DAH! - You like yourself, don't you? Who wouldn't?
ga930330 -- Garfield, of all the species on earth, cats are the most self-centered! - - There are other species?
ga930331 -- dingle dingle dingle - POOMP! - DEATH TO THE DINGLE BALLS!
ga930401 -- This is called a "cat's cradle". - It's amazing what one can do with just a piece of string in a few short minutes. - Help. Simply amazing.
ga930402 -- Well, Garfield glued me to the chair again. - When will I ever catch on to his tricks? - Probably never.
ga930403 -- Jon doesn't suspect a thing. - - It makes me wish I was up to something.
ga930404 -- Jon! Jon! - Jon, that's not a tongue! - It's an alien parasite from outer space! - It attached itself to Odie, and sucked out his brain! - Jon, do you hear me?! We have to do something! Jon?! - YAAAAHHHHH!! Z
ga930405 -- Garfield, for every man, there's a woman. Spare me. - Mine is out there somewhere. Probably in hiding. - I just gotta keep looking. I'll check under a rock.
ga930406 -- Hi, this is Suzy. I'm not at home, but please leave a message at the tone... - Unless you're Jon Arbuckle, in which case the machine will automatically hang up. ...beep! - This is, uh, Ed Smith. CLICK-bzzzzzzz Just amazing.
ga930407 -- After dinner we can come back to my place, my dear... - Then we can put on grass skirts and carve monkey heads in coconuts. - CLICK! Hello? Hence the moniker, "Mr. Dial Tone".
ga930408 -- I have a date! - A date with a beautiful woman! - DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THIS?!
ga930409 -- Let's drink out of each other's glasses. - How romantic! - Actually, my last date tried to poison me.
ga930410 -- Waiter, have you seen my date? She left, sir. - She said if you followed, I should call the police. - Well, I guess a good night kiss is out of the question. That depends on the size of the tip, sir.
ga930411 -- Z - Sigh - Cloudy days are so depressing. - Ah, there's the sun. - There it goes again. - - - -
ga930412 -- I hate mornings. They start too early in the day. - I hereby declare that mornings shall not start until noon. scratch scratch - Lunch time. Take that away and bring me breakfast.
ga930413 -- BOOT! - HEY! - Get out of my food!
ga930414 -- You can't have this chair, Garfield. I'm not moving...no matter what! - GREAT! - What are you up to?!
ga930415 -- Odie, you don't like your attitude. - It's too...dog-like. - That's better. Now let's hear you meow.
ga930416 -- Uh, Garfield? - Have you seen my new fern? - Burp. Briefly.
ga930417 -- Greetings, earthling. - I come to your planet in peace. - Take me to your cook.
ga930418 -- - - - - - So, Odie... - Did you enjoy your bath?
ga930419 -- Looks like a good audience out there tonight. - SPLAT! - Never trust the view from a knothole.
ga930420 -- Thank you for that standing ovation! - - COME BACK HERE!
ga930421 -- And now a word from our sponsor. tappity tappity tappity. - GET OFF MY FENCE!!! - TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY
ga930422 -- This restaurant is so fancy, when you order milk, they bring the cow to your table! - SQUIIIRT! - No offense, ma'am. Moo.
ga930423 -- What do you get if you remove half a cat's brain? - You a smart dog! - Thank you! Please hold your adulation till the end of the performance!
ga930424 -- BOO! Well, you've been a lovely audience. - BOO!  I'd like to give you all a big hug and a kiss. - BOO! How about a good slap and a live badger up the nose?
ga930425 -- - - - - - - -
ga930426 -- BOING BOING BOING BOIG - BOING BOING BOING BOING - GARFIELD! STOP GIVING THE DOG COFFEE!
ga930427 -- Hi, Jon, this is Liz. I was just calling to remind you that Garfield is due for his checkup next week... - hisssssss CLICK -
ga930428 -- and NOW it's TIME for... - BOWLING FOR BEAN DIP! - Brought to you by... Garfield, wherever you are, leave the remote control ALONE!
ga930429 -- Ah...ah... - Choo! - snif
ga930430 -- So, Garfield, how was your dinner? - Perfect, as usual. Thank you, thank you. - No man can scoop a meal out of a can like that man can.
ga930501 -- Here's the paper, Garfield. - Food, metro, sports, editorial, local, coupons, classified, entertainment... - Ah, her eit is! The comics.
ga930502 -- - Yo, Lardo! Move it! You're blocking the sun! - C'mon, ape boy...I meant it! You wouldn't want to see me get mad! - 'smatter, sasquatch breath? Are you ugly AND hard of hearing? I said let's go! Move it! - Ans speaking of ugly, have you
ga930502 -- checked a reflective surface lately? When you were born, I bet the doctor slapped your mother! - Listen, llama gums, I'm not gonna warn you again! Move that fat dumpster of yours now, or I won't responsible for my- -
ga930503 -- Meow? Pardon? - Meow meow. Okay, I'll bite. Meow. - I've communicated with a lower life-form! I've been doing that for years.
ga930504 -- Garfield, this is for you! For me?! - This is an empty box! - Cats like to play in empty boxes. Get an empty cat.
ga930505 -- Here, Garfield, a ball of yarn! - - You're supposed to chase it. What's my motivation?
ga930506 -- I've never understood why cats like balls of yarn so much. - I can't speak for other cats. - Personally, I sell them and use the cash to buy candy!
ga930507 -- - Isn't it cute the way cats like to play with a ball of yarn? - Where's the spaghetti?
ga930508 -- Cat's are fascinating. - Like the way they ash themselves with their tongues. - Actually, I'm trying to get spaghetti sauce off my arm.
ga930509 -- Z - Z - Uh-oh. - - - -
ga930510 -- CAT HAIR! - CAT HAIR FOR EVERYONE! - I hate shedding season.
ga930511 -- You're shedding. - - I prefer to think of it as losing weight.
ga930512 -- Shedding contest! - - Your turn.
ga930513 -- shed shed shed  shed shed shed - shed shed shed shed shed shed shed shed shed shed - How about calling it a draw? Urf.
ga930514 -- Cat hair! - WHY IS EVERYTHING I OWN COVERED WITH CAT HAIR?! - I need brown socks.
ga930515 -- - You should exercide, Garfield. I am! - The difference between a cat's relaxation and a cat's exercise is obviously too subtle for some to grasp.
ga930516 -- - - - - Sigh. - Doesn't it bug you when dogs get in front of you just because they want your - Attention.
ga930517 -- Jon looks like he needs some attention. - pat pat Nice Jon...good boy... - purrrr And some professional help.
ga930518 -- Humans have much larger brains than cats do. - You sure do... - Now, how does this door work? Large and unwieldy.
ga930519 -- - - I assume the electrified cookie jar was your idea.
ga930520 -- Hey! I found a dollar! - I found another one! And another! - Jon has a hole in his pocket. And another!
ga930521 -- - - So, how'd the date go?
ga930522 -- Here we are at the amusement park. - Those rides were sure scary. We got thrown out. - I couldn't stop screaming. He spooked the ponies.
ga930523 -- WHAT?! - Oh, come on! I can't be THAT fat! Sorry, it's true. - You must be lying! Impossible. - We computers are incapable of lying or any human emotion. You really ARE that fat. - Sigh. - hee hee hee - Me and my big voice chip.
ga930524 -- Ah, it's a beautiful sunny day! - - Thanks for the warning.
ga930525 -- CLICK - CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK - You don't get outside enough, Garfield. Nothing but nature shows! click click click
ga930526 -- My uncle Bob was quite the sage. - "Slow down, take it easy." he used to say... - Then ge got hit by a bus.
ga930527 -- It was great growing up in the country, Garfield. - My friends were farm animal. - Ever tickle a hog? Can I go now?
ga930528 -- How to KILL A Spider - SLAM! - How to KILL A Spider
ga930529 -- - zip - I must have been upwind.
ga930530 -- Fib alert! - You can't believe Odie! - No matter what he says, I did not paint him green! - And I wasn't with a two inch horsehair brush! - Here comes the liar now! - - Well, aren't you going to punish him?
ga930531 -- I didn't get enough sleep last night. - I slept the whole time. - But the night just wasn't long enough.
ga930601 -- Garfield, get out of bed this instant! - - Garfield? Fortunately, there's a cot in the basement-
ga930602 -- - You could give lessons on doing nothing. - No, I couldn't.
ga930603 -- What are you going to do today, Garfield? - Do? - You're a funny guy.
ga930604 -- - - I'm hoping for a turkey vulture.
ga930605 -- - What are you doing? - A scene from Romeo and Juliet?
ga930606 -- Hmmm. - *I* didn't do it! - I DIDN'T do it! - I didn't DO it! - I didn't do IT! - Rehearsing. - All right! Who glued Odie to the ceiling?! Show time.
ga930607 -- There's Odie's tongue. - - This probably means he's in the building somewhere.
ga930608 -- Filling in for Odie today will be this piece of cardboard! - Oh. hi, Odie. - Pssst, try to look dumber.
ga930609 -- Odie, you're much smarter than you look! - - Though he's still dumb enough to think that's a compliment.
ga930610 -- WHACK! Fore! - Mind if I play through? -
ga930611 -- Everything you do annoys me. - -
ga930612 -- - Give it a rest. -
ga930613 -- Z - SNORE boing - * - Yay! Z Yah-hoo! - SNORE - * - Thrill seekers. Whee! Yee-ha!
ga930614 -- Hmm. - - Uh, Garfield. Don't ask.
ga930615 -- Hi, I'm Nermal. I'm cute, and you're not. - I'm young, and you're not. - I'm feeling fine, and you're not.
ga930616 -- Hey, Garfield, you're going to be fifteen?! Zowie! FIFTEEN! - I didn't know anything was that old! - Don't push it kid. I mean, I thought dirt was eleven, maybe twelve years old!
ga930617 -- Cheer up, Garfield. Fifteen's not so old... - For an oak tree! pat pat pat -
ga930618 -- Fifteen! I can't believe I'm going to be fifteen! - How's it going, old man? -
ga930619 -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GARFIELD! - Ah, yes. 'tis true I have traversed fifteen notable years within this mortal coil. This auspicious occasion calls for an appropriate acknowledgement. - FEED ME!
ga930620 -- This seems like a good place to relax...planet earth. - - - - - THUD! - I hate you. I don't recall giving you permission to walk on my marble collection.
ga930621 -- I'm feeling very "up" today, Garfield. It'll pass. - I'm wearing glow-in-the-dark underwear. Please, I'm eating. - CLICK! Wanna see? Urp!
ga930622 -- Beware Of The Dog - Heh heh heh - WHACK!
ga930623 -- Here's our mail. - Here's our neighbor's mail. - And here's the mailman's wallet.
ga930624 -- I don't suppose it would hurt to ask. - May I borrow a cup of sparrow? - Actually, it did hurt.
ga930625 -- Will this be an exciting weekend? - Or dull city? - Aren't fingers amazing, Garfield? Helloooo, city limits.
ga930626 -- Chips! - And dip! Uh, Garfield...
ga930627 -- Shoo doop dee doo - This is it, Garfield! It's a new day, I have a new hairdo and the chicks are out! - - Ooooweee! What a babe! - I just put my head in a birdbath, didn't I? Uh-huh. - Excuse me, what are you looking at? Cloudy! Go away! -
ga930627 -- I'll bet you say that to all the girls. Is she gone yet?
ga930628 -- Z RRRRRRRRRR - RRR- - Bring back that spark plug!
ga930629 -- Don't you hate those little crumbs that float on your coffee when you dunk your doughnuts? - - YUCK! GARFIELD!
ga930630 -- Garfield, for once I'd like a good night's sleep. Oh, all right. - Here. - ...AND the flares. You are no fun, you know that?
ga930701 -- Cookies - FLASH! - Traitor!
ga930702 -- Care to enter the contest, Jon? - Well, do you? - Go away. Guess how many anchovies I have in my mouth.
ga930703 -- Cats are primal creatures. - Yep, it's survival of the fittest. - I think I'll go wrestle a meat loaf.
ga930704 -- - - - - STRETCH- - SNAP! OW! - Nyme up! Nyme up!!
ga930705 -- First there was the horrifying "Brain Suckers From Mars". - Then it was "Night Of The Living Toad Snatchers". - What do you think? Now it's "The Wardrobe That Wouldn't Die".
ga930706 -- Yup, Garfield, just give me a bow tie. - ...a snappy suit. - And I'm ready to conquer the world! Don't forget your white flag.
ga930707 -- Do you think this tie is too ugply, Garfield? - Not at all. - It's just ugly enough.
ga930708 -- Garfield, do you think I have too much charm? - Absolutely. - Assuming "charm" is the name of the cologne you're wearing.
ga930709 -- Y'know Garfield, I'm getting better looking as I get older! - And for good reason. - Your eyesight is going!
ga930710 -- What a strange day. - I don't understand it, Garfield. - People laughed at my tie all day. Are you sure it wasn't your bunny slippers?
ga930711 -- O-DIE! - munch munch munch munch munch - - GRRRRRRRR - KICK! SPLOT! - - GRRRRRRRR
ga930712 -- Did you know it takes less effort to smile than to frown? - - Especially when you've got one of these masks.
ga930713 -- - CRASH! - Did you know the mailman has been working out?
ga930714 -- Jon, life is full of questions. - Who am I? ...what is life's purpose? - Why is Odie's tongue stuck in the VCR? I can't look.
ga930715 -- YAWN! - Hey, I did a sit-up! - Suddenly I have this urge to make an exercise video!
ga930716 -- - -
ga930717 -- - What are you doing? - Thanks for ruining it for us.
ga930718 -- - - click - SLAM! - - - WAAIIIT a minute...
ga930719 -- Some people actually believe television causes stupiditity... - Stupididdle...stupiddy... - Not smartness! No kidding.
ga930720 -- Meow! What is it, boy? - Meow! Timmy fell down the old well? - You pushed him, didn't you? Meow! You wanna hero?! Get a dog!
ga930721 -- click - And now, bowling for geeks! - AH HA! JUST FLIPPING THROUGH THE CHANNELS! click click click
ga930722 -- Yes, it slices, dices, chops and shreds! - It cuts and cubes! - It pulverizes! Selling cats? Yes.
ga930723 -- Hidey-ho, early birds! Groan. - Now, the farm report. - Doug, there's a dead cow on route four... - I hate early morning television.
ga930724 -- click click click click - click click click click click click click click - I kind of enjoy it when there's nothing good on. click click click click click click click click click click
ga930725 -- Sigh. - - Rats! - I just can't get comfortable. - * - - Z
ga930726 -- push - CRASH! - Darn, seems I've miscalculated on the Bungee cord.
ga930727 -- YAWN - I'm struggling to stay awake. - Why would anybody do that?
ga930728 -- Wha...?! - All my socks have holes in them! - Sounds like a job for the masked avengers!
ga930729 -- Let's see, for dinner tonight, we'll have leftover roast beef... Already ate it. - Mashed potatoes... Already ate them. - And green beans. Smelled funny, so I gave them to Odie.
ga930730 -- I had too much butter on my corn on the cob. - It was so slippery it got away from me and flew across the room! - But I guess you knew that already.
ga930801 -- - tap tap - - - ? - tap tap -
ga930802 -- Hey, Jon, what's new? - My life stinks. - I said, what's NEW?
ga930803 -- Sad... - I don't have anything better to do than this. - I think I was just insulted.
ga930804 -- I don't think Jon's ever been more boring. - - I ever tell you about my aunt Edna's ingrown hair? Yes! He's over the top!
ga930805 -- Oh, boy, a letter from home! - Yep, you can always expect good news from home! - Hey! Cousin Ed's forehead's clearing up! Get me out of here!
ga930806 -- Garfield, would you say I'm witty? - I would if you paid me. - For good you could be hilarious.
ga930807 -- If Jon's personality was any less colorful, he'd be invisible. - - Right, Jon?
ga930808 -- Back just a little... - Okay, now, a little to the left... - Now come forward a few steps... - Scoot over a teense to the right... - Now forward again...a liiittle more... - Perfect! Now don't move! - Z
ga930809 -- This cereal makes sounds when you pour on milk. - AAOOOOGAH! - Aaoooogah? Let's hope it tastes better than it sounds.
ga930810 -- tick tick tick tick Z - RII- I have a hammer. - tick tick tick tick Z
ga930811 -- Garfield, I was cleaning the basement. - - Please explain. You found the sacred burial ground!
ga930812 -- - - Have you noticed one of Odie's ears is longer than the other?
ga930813 -- - WHANG! SPLOT! - Let's not be forgetting who's the center of the universe here, pal.
ga930814 -- You're disgusting, Garfield. You claw the furniture, eat all the food, chase the dog, shed everywhere... - And you're selfish. What do you have to say to that? - I saved you a bite of fern.
ga930815 -- - Okay, Odie. Now get on my shoulders. - - - Hey, kid, is that your nose, or did you inhale a cantaloupe? - SLURP! swipe - MOM! Yo! The old lady on the park bench with the bag of peanuts.
ga930816 -- What are those mice doing in our house, Garfield?! - - Thy're giving away t-shirts!
ga930817 -- You know, Garfield, cats are supposed to eat mice. - I think you have mice confused with tuna. - See? All gone.
ga930818 -- Garfield, a mouse just stole some cheese! - Should I be chasing this mouse or something? - I mean, what kind of cheese are we talking about?
ga930819 -- Squeak! - Fine! Just let him walk by! - He knew the password.
ga930820 -- Jon hired an exterminator. - sqeak sqeak Heeeeere, mousey, mousey. - He went with the lowest bidder.
ga930821 -- - - Is it my imagination, or are mice getting smarter?
ga930822 -- YAWN - Ah, the sounds of morning. - ** chirp chirp chirp Birds singing... - BONKA! BONKA! BONKA! BONKA! Jon falling down the sairs... - YEEOW! Jon pouring hot coffee on his hand... - AIYEE! Getting his fingers caught in the can opener... -
ga930822 -- Good morning, Garfield! And life's still an adventure.
ga930823 -- BUMP! - Ha! Ha! Ha! - I mean, oops!
ga930824 -- I've decided to give you a cat treat, Garfield! All right! - Here you go. - So by "cat treat," you don't mean a a car?
ga930825 -- Do you have to stand there and shed while I'm eating? - Not at all. - You shed, I'll eat.
ga930826 -- No! No! I won't eat your food! You can't make me! - Oka! Okay! Have it your way! - Bully.
ga930827 -- If anybody needs me, I'll be in the next room. - Sound asleep. - In other words, if anybody needs me, though.
ga930828 -- Has it occured to you that I want to be alone? - - Yes, it has.
ga930829 -- - - * dingle - grrrrrrrrrr - BARK ARF ARF BARK BARK ARF ARF ARF ARF - - THUD! Sigh.
ga930830 -- I'm goin gto the kitchen to bake 40 dozen cookies! - - And fix yourself a little something!
ga930831 -- Each of these cookies contains only one raisin. - Okay, I'll try one. -
ga930901 -- EEK! THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE COOKIE JAR! - - Would you hand me a chocolate chip cookie, please?
ga930902 -- - - Uh, Garfield... I'm storing chocolate chip cookies for the winter.
ga930903 -- One cookie left. - The polite thing to do would be to split it. Right. - Not that it matters. Right.
ga930904 -- - OUCH! - GARFIELD! Worst cookie I ever tasted.
ga930905 -- snip snip - I've really done it this time, Garfield! Ho boy... - I've made a suit out of the sunday funnies! - Now, when women come up to me to read the comics, I'll say something funny, if you know what I mean. City Park - - - - Your punch
ga930905 -- line is showing. Now, THAT'S funny.
ga930906 -- Time to practice our communication skills. - - There are turkeys tap dancing in the tapioca! He's good.
ga930907 -- Life is strange and mysterious. - True. - Hard to believe you could lose your socks AFTER you put them on.
ga930908 -- Running into the wall contest! - GO! SPLAT! - You win.
ga930909 -- Garfield, yre you ticklish? - - I take it this tickling thing is meant to be of the amusement persuasion?
ga930910 -- Ah, the traditional, "Family Around The Hearth". - YAAAH! - Followed by the traditional, "Flaming Socks Dance". Ooh! Ahh! Oooch! Yah!
ga930911 -- Quiet day today. - Did I mention I rolled Odie up in a blanket and stuffed him onto the top shelf of the hall closet? - Very quiet. Quiet indeed...
ga930912 -- - You'd never know it was such a nice day outside. - Jon should clean these windows once in a while. - Much better. - Hey! - Who left this window - nyopen.
ga930913 -- JON! THERE'S A BIG HAIRY SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM! - A REALLY hairy spider! - It's yusing your comb!
ga930914 -- - ** Yo de lay hee hoo * -
ga930915 -- Hairy spider! - - With a ponytail!
ga930916 -- - WHOP! - Hey! You missed the spider and hit me! WHAT SPIDER?!
ga930917 -- Spider, this house isn't big enough for both of us. - Well, actually it probably is... - So let's just do this for fun. WHAP!
ga930918 -- STOMP! - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - So much for THAT spider! My bunnies!
ga930919 -- - "Willard Norf...lost his front teeth when he got his pocket protector caught in a green thresher". - "Sidney Wassle...owner of the world's largest collection of earwax". - "Marvin Smaltz...accidentally glued his finger up his nose". -
ga930919 -- "Murray Kravitz...never went to the beach without wearing snow pants". - "Myrna Feen...five-time winner of the Ms. Zit competition". - Garfield, we're walking on hallowed ground. The nerd hall of fame.
ga930920 -- I'm so proud of myself. - I'm down to one cup of coffee a day. - However, I am up to 50 doughnuts.
ga930921 -- I'm headin' fer the cattle roundup! - - That's MY steak! I don't see yer brand on it, pardner.
ga930922 -- Hey, Jon, how's this for an innocent smile? - - Now what have you done, Garfield? Hmmmm, needs more work.
ga930923 -- Gimme chocolate! This isn't like Jon. - No, wait! Vanilla! no, peach! ...strawberry! - You decide! No, I'll decide! No, you decide! That's like Jon.
ga930924 -- There's one way to get noticed, Garfield. - Just accentuate your best feature. - Excuse me, I have healthy gums! I'm leaving.
ga930925 -- Do Not Beware Of The Dog - Hey, buddy, how ya' doin'? - Why have a sign?
ga930926 -- Isn't this great?! - I love camping. - The fresh air... - The mountains... - The flowers... - The trees... The big spiders.
ga930927 -- Belinda Gizzard! I loved her in school. - But, I got the impression she didn't like me. - She made me eat my crayons. Ah yes...boy meets girl, girl makes boy eat art supplies.
ga930928 -- beep beep boop I'm calling Belinda, and boy, am I nervous! - Hello, Belinda? This is Jon Arbu.. CLICK - Whew, I'm glad it's over. See, that wasn't so bad.
ga930929 -- I have a date tonight, Garfield. - She's attracted to men with talent. Better hurry. It's almost 8:00. - I'm taking my bongos! See you at 8:30.
ga930930 -- I'm really going to impress my date tonight, Garfield. - We're going to a fancy restaurant. - How do you say "chocolate milk" in French? Le Geek.
ga931001 -- My date is very sophisticated, Garfield. - And she likes witty men. - This fake faucet should crack her up. Subtle, yet disgusting.
ga931002 -- See ya, pal. I'm off to sweep my date off her feet with my charm and wordly ways. - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - We should get a light for those basement stairs...
ga931003 -- dingle * - * dingle dingle - dingle dingle ** - dingle * - WHAP! - - dingle *
ga931004 -- Z When Jon's asleep, I can do anything I want! - Z - Z Z
ga931005 -- YAWN - eight hours sleep really zips by. - It's tuesday. - Whoa! It zipped by three times!
ga931006 -- I'm not at my best in the morning. - Of course, this is afternoon. - Which should give you an idea of what mornings are like.
ga931007 -- tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick - tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick I'M SICK OF tick tick tick tick tick - tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick
ga931007 -- tick tick tick
ga931008 -- I'm going out now! - - Don't wait up. Ha, ha.
ga931009 -- Z - - ZIP How do you HEAR ice cream?!
ga931010 -- - - - - WHAM! - By golly, this dog whistle DOES work!
ga931011 -- It would be wrong to eat that cake. - Without a proper alibi. - Odie did it.
ga931012 -- Hey, Garfield, I have a joke for you. - HA! HA! HA! HA! Don't you think I should tell the joke before you laugh. - Let's not ruin the moment, Jon.
ga931013 -- - It's amazin what one can do with a rolling pin. -
ga931014 -- If I had a dollar for every cat hair on this rug, I'd be rich! - - Well, I'm doing MY part.
ga931015 -- How do you tactfully tell someone their breath is bad? - - Mint?
ga931016 -- - slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap - Thought I saw a mosquito.
ga931017 -- - tap tap tap tap - - - - SHOONK - EEEEEEEEEEK!!! GARFIELD! And the crowd goes wild!
ga931018 -- Seeing you happy makes me suspicious. - - Seeing him suspicious makes me happy.
ga931019 -- I cn't believe they're showing this movie on TV! - "The man who stubbed his toe". - I understand there's a lot of adult language in it.
ga931020 -- If the earth were hurtling toward the sun, what would you do? - Eat all the ice cream before it melts! - Give me another fun situation!
ga931021 -- You know, Garfield... - You don't know what you've got till it's gone. - He knows about the meat loaf.
ga931022 -- I'm not going to do anything today. - - Except feed you, of course.
ga931023 -- Uh... - I forgot what I was going to say. Thank you. - That saves me from having to do it.
ga931024 -- - - - - blink poink ZIP thut - - ARRRRGGGGH!
ga931025 -- On the count of three, go for the doughnut. - One... - TWO! Cats can't count.
ga931026 -- BOOT! - BONK! - GONK! Odie did it!
ga931027 -- Someday I suppoes I'll look back on this and laugh. - - Personally, I think it's pretty funny right now.
ga931028 -- Garfield, is that you? Yeah. - What's wrong? - EVEN A CAT CAN HAVE A BAD HAIR DAY, OKAY?!
ga931029 -- There's an article here about cats. - snatch - Whay read about it when you can scratch its tummy?
ga931030 -- PUNT! - CRASH! - Some things just get better with time...
ga931031 -- Scary Stories - - Jon! Jon! - YAAAAHH! - Garfield! Don't scare me like that! - If you want something, just tap me lightly on the shoulder! - - TAP TAP
ga931101 -- Garfield, don't you ever move? There was that time in '82. - Why do you think we have legs?! - To get our stomachs through buffet lines!
ga931102 -- I've decided to become a mime! - - I call this "a cat lust lying there".
ga931103 -- Some people are actually entertained by their pets. - - Why can't you be more like those people?
ga931104 -- - - How come YOU always get to pick what we do? Because YOU can never think of anything, that's why.
ga931105 -- Want some eggs, Garfield? No thanks. - I WOULD like some eggs... - If he weren't fixing them with my spider swatter.
ga931106 -- I could lie here as usual . Or, dom something radical, like getting up. - Or, work out a compromise.
ga931107 -- - The last muffin! - SLAP! SLAP! - grab grab grab  grab grab grab - - CHOMP - Yuck! the last RAISIN muffin.
ga931108 -- Fetch the invisible ball, Odie! - That should keep him busy. -
ga931109 -- GASP! - AAAAAaaggghhhhh - Garfield, I just fed you a half hour ago. Do you know how long that is in cat minutes?
ga931110 -- What have you got there, Garfield? A feather pillow. - chirp chirp - With very fresh feathers.
ga931111 -- - CLONG! - I was empty.
ga931112 -- - - That's enough syrup on your pancakes, Garfield. Cheapskate.
ga931113 -- Time to get kicked, Odie! - - Well, that was fun.
ga931114 -- - - - munch munch munch munch - Z - Whew. - BURP! - Excuse me.
ga931115 -- I can't decide what to watch. click click click - click click click click -Which is pretty entertaining. click click click
ga931116 -- Do you watch too much television? - Way, way too much? - If so, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. You're welcome.
ga931117 -- Arf! Arf! What is it, boy? - Did Timmy fall down the well again? Arf! Leave him down there. - Lead me to him! Arf! Good thinking! You can toss the dog in too!
ga931118 -- Say, friend, are you considered an idiot? - Then we have just the product for you! - I have three of those. Figures.
ga931119 -- click - Coming up next: help for those of you with short attention spans. - click
ga931120 -- - - Pet food commercial.
ga931121 -- - - scratch scratch scratch - TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP scratch scratch scratch - - scratch scratch scratch TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP DO YOU MIND?!
ga931122 -- SNOORRRK Z - Z - FWEEEEEEEE
ga931123 -- GO GET IT, BOY! - GOOD BOY! BYE, BOY! - Odie and I are playing "Fetch the Train".
ga931124 -- The door came off its hinges and fell on Odie! - OH NO! - NOW THE HOUSE WILL BE DRAFTY!
ga931125 -- Oh look! My good buddy, Odie! - PUNT! - Oh look! My good buddy, Odie!
ga931126 -- There are a thousand reasons why I wouldn't want to be a dog. - - And here they are.
ga931127 -- - Something very tragic just happened to Odie! -
ga931128 -- YAWN - Today's sunday. - Sunday is the day I always put something weird in Jon's food. - This rubber snake should do the trick. - - Garfield, there seem to be a rubber snake in my salad. - Is today sunday! Boy are we in a rut.
ga931129 -- Garfield, you're fat enough to be two cats. - I'll go with that. - Feed me.
ga931130 -- - SLASH! - Thinking of you.
ga931201 -- Who ate the lasagna? - - Sometimes I worry about you, Jon. That was a rhetorical question.
ga931202 -- Jon, I want you to know I'm trying to cut down on my insincerity. - - I think he bought it.
ga931203 -- There's a real information explosion going on, Garfield. - So many new things to learn! - You no doubt are referring to the fact that the pizza delivery place has a new phone number?
ga931204 -- I've achieved "exasperating," and I've achieved "eye-popping". - THONK! - ALL RIGHT!!! "JAW-DROPPING"!!
ga931205 -- - - - - - - I suppose when you're the first snowflake of the season, you feel obligated to make a flashy entrance.
ga931206 -- - - Yes, Garfield. I'm aware Christmas is coming.
ga931207 -- - Christmas is coming. -
ga931208 -- Decorations, presents, - Caroling, presents, mistletoe and presents. - Six things I love about Christmas.
ga931209 -- I don't think we'll decorate the house this Christmas, Garfield. Not decorate? ARRRGH! - Know why? - 'cause we're going to the farm! DOUBLE ARRRGH!
ga931210 -- Garfield, I know you don't want to go to the farm for Christmas, but warm up to it, okay? - HYUCK! HYUCK! HYUCK! - STOP THAT!
ga931211 -- C'mon, Garfield! We're leaving for the farm! Just a minute... - Hurry up! - What were you doing in there? Leaving Santa a forwarding address.
ga931212 -- * OHHHHHHH... - ** OH, WE'RE GOING TO THE FARM, WE'RE GOING TO THE FARM... ** - * YES, WE'RE GOING TO THE FARM, 'CAUSE IT'S CHRIST-MAS_TIME!! - * YES, WE'RE GOIN', GOIN', GOIN', GOIN', GOIN', GOIN', GOIN', GOIN' TO THE FAAARMMM... ** - *
ga931212 -- 'CAUSE IIIIT'S CHRRRISTMAAAS-TIIIIIIIMME!!! ** - So, what do you boys want to sing next? - Boys?
ga931213 -- Mom! Dad! Jon! Son! - Doc Boy! - You know I hate it when you call me that. - DOC BOY! MOM! Ah, brotherly love.
ga931214 -- Son, you and Odie can take this old room. - What about Garfield? Don't worry about Garfield. - Garfield will take THIS room!
ga931215 -- Dinner's ready. - All right, MOM! - Eight kinds of potatoes! slap A personal best!
ga931216 -- Here's you, Jonny, in the first grade. Awwww. - And here's Doc Boy running maked through the soybeans. When was that taken? - This summer. AWWWWW.
ga931217 -- There's something special about Christmas on a farm. - Something unique, that you can't get anywhere else. - Such as Christmas cookies shaped like farm implements.
ga931218 -- We're visiting Jon's family for Christmas. - It's peaceful here on the farm. - C'mon, Garfield! We're going to play "touch the udder". And weird.
ga931219 -- - Okay, you hold that steady, and I'll go up. Wait a minute! - Why do I always have to hold the ladder? Why don't YOU hold the ladder?! Because I'm older, that's why! - Oh, yeah? Well, I'm old enough to go up now, too! Move over! Hey,
ga931219 -- lookout! Ow! Stoppit! - WOOAAAHHH!!! CRASH YOU BOYS STOP THAT FIGHTING AND GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!! - What am I going to do with you two? Why don't you plug them in?
ga931220 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff - Christmas is in the air! - And hot from the oven! Cookies are ready!
ga931221 -- Hey, Doc Boy, you look like a sissy in those teddy bear pajamas. - Ar leas I don't look like a geek in bunny pajamas. - Bears! Bears! Bears! Bunnies! Bunnies! Bunnies! Tell me they were adopted. I don't know. I was out at the time.
ga931222 -- Hey, everybody, I'm back with a Christmas tree! - Did you chop down a good one, Doc Boy? You bet! And it was eeasy to find! - Gee, son, that looks just like the tree in our front yard. I get the feeling that's what made it so easy.
ga931223 -- Attention! Dad is going to give his annual holiday reading of "Binky, the Clown wo saved Christmas!" - So everybody gather around real close! - Okay, who drank the garlic nog?
ga931224 -- What are you boys doing, waiting up for Santa? - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! -
ga931225 -- I don't know, we've got the tree, the lights, the presents...but something's missing. It doesn't quite seem like Christmas yet. brappa brappa brappa brappa - brappa BRAPPA BRAAAAAP CRASH! - HIYA, SWEETIES! GRANDMA! Now it's Christmas.
ga931226 -- Sigh. - Good-bye, Christmas. - Good-bye, Christmas tree... - Good-bye, lights, good-bye, tinsel... - Good-bye, presents, good-bye, wrapping paper... - Good-bye, mistletoe... - HE-LLOOOO LEFTOVERS!!!
ga931227 -- Ah, a new year approaches! Full of hope! Full of promise! - THUD! - Full of mondays.
ga931228 -- Have any new year's resolutions, Garfield? Why, yes. It's not to do... - TWAAAANNG! THIS anymore! - GARFIELD! I dobt I'll keep it, though.
ga931229 -- SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT - - I've decided against pursuing a career in egg juggling.
ga931230 -- Garfield is choosing his wardrobe for the new year's party. - No, no. The polka dots just aren't you. Try the stripes. - Perfect.
ga931231 -- HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!! BLAAAAT! - December - ...eve!
ga940101 -- Winter is such a peaceful season. - AIEEE! - Except for the occasional neck caught in the zipper.
ga940102 -- - - So THERE you are... - Where in the world have you been? - And why are you still wearing that silly hat? New year's eve was two nights ago! - I know. - That must have been some party. Come on in, everybody...and make sure the goat wipes
ga940102 -- his feet. Baah.
ga940103 -- HELP! I'M FALLING! - Just kidding. - It's an overhead shot.
ga940104 -- Odie, how can you be so stupid? - - Well, if you've got a permit, I guess it's okay.
ga940105 -- Would you mind rolling around in these bread crumbs while I preheat the oven? - - What?! Would you rather be grilled? Fried? ...what?!
ga940106 -- Z - Z - z Muffler.
ga940107 -- If you were a real cat, you'd catch that mouse! - - Arf arf!
ga940108 -- Be ferocious! Right. - Shoo. - Sometimes I even scare myself.
ga940109 -- - - - - - pat pat pat pat pat pat pat - This is a little winter tradition of ours.
ga940110 -- Hey out there! Everybody smile! - SPLAT! - Get outta town! You're way to cheerful for a monday.
ga940111 -- - ZIP! - munch munch munch Show-off.
ga940112 -- - - pant pant pant pant
ga940113 -- piff - fling SPLOT! Aiyeee! - When it comes to snowball fights, mice are whimps.
ga940114 -- pat pat pat * - Building a solid snow fort is important to winning a snowball fight. - Okay, Garfield, I'm ready!
ga940115 -- - SPLOT! WHAM! - THE SNOWBALL FIGHT ENDED YESTERDAY! That's what you think.
ga940116 -- - Wow! New-fallen snow! - I gotta get my camera! - ROMP ROMP ROMP ROMP ROMP -
ga940117 -- Here we see the common sparrow. - Delicious plain, or with a little ketchup. - What are you watching? The all-cat channel.
ga940118 -- Stay tuned. - Or don't. We don't care... - For apathy theater.
ga940119 -- And now...the Juggling Rigatoni Brothers. - Oops. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! - Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! The flaming baton may not be a good idea.
ga940120 -- I don't believe it. - You're sitting here watching static! - Yes, but it's quality static.
ga940121 -- Cats are more polular than ever. - And our hidden camera shows why! - Payoffs t pets owners from the powerful cat lobby! LIES! ALL LIES!
ga940122 -- Oh, brother. CLICK - Gimmie a break. CLICK - What'cha watching? I went with the "Oh, brother".
ga940123 -- - Z - WHAM! - flip flip flip flip flip flip flip - flip flip flip flip flip flip flip ? - flip flip flip flip flip -
ga940124 -- Ah, yes. Life goes on. - - Where?
ga940125 -- Sigh. - Some people have something exciting and new happen to them every single day! - Sounds monotonous.
ga940126 -- Life is a party. - - And Jon's invitation got lost in the mail.
ga940127 -- I'm trying to write my autobiography. - It's not going very well. - Sounds accurate.
ga940128 -- Jon, you need to get get out more. - You need to be with your own kind! - Provided we can locate a three-toed sloth who collects stamps.
ga940129 -- Watch me turn on the charm, Garfield. - Shaddup. - She acknowledged my existence. You can turn it off now.
ga940130 -- Garfield. - Time to go out, Garfield. - BOW - YOING! - Oops, I locked the screen door, funny. huh? Laaaaugh, I thought I'd die!
ga940131 -- They say watching too much TV makes you passive. - - Not that I'm complaining. Not that we care.
ga940201 -- And here's tonight's editorial comment. Arf arf bow-wow bark - And now a rebuttal. - Meow meow purrrr meow That's telling him.
ga940202 -- Stay tuned for whatever it is we're showing next. - As if you had anything better to do anyway... - In light of your dreary, empty existence. Sounds good to me.
ga940203 -- Is your cat fat and lazy? - Does he do nothing but eat and sleep? - So what?! JON! YOU'RE MISSING A GOOD SHOW!
ga940204 -- The bank's security camera took this picture of the culprit. - - I thought it was a bakery!
ga940205 -- Stay tuned for "Watching Paint Dry". - Rats! - They preempted "Watching Grass Grow".
ga940206 -- Z - Hey! That's MY spot you're lying in, you stupid dog! Z - BOOT! - - - NUDGE NUDGE NUDGE NUDGE BURROW BURROW BURROW NUDGE -
ga940207 -- Nobody pushes you around, do they, Garfield? Nope. - - Not without a forklift, anyway! SLAP! Ack! I didn't see that one coming.
ga940208 -- "The Art Of Sophisticated Humor". - BOING SPLUT! - "By Binky the Clown".
ga940209 -- - That's enough of that. - Uh, I'm not there anymore, Odie.
ga940210 -- YAWN - GULP! - YAWN I haven't seen this face in two days.
ga940211 -- - - I was reading that. Nobody cares about your past, Jon.
ga940212 -- See, you roll the socks up like this. - Here, you try it. - You're not with me on this. Now, let's do the underwear.
ga940213 -- * Mee mee mee mee mee meeeee ** - ** ME-YOWR MEE YOWR MEE YOWR * - ** MEEEEeeyooWWRRRR! ** - GACK!! - THUD! - - Bet you didn't know I could do opera.
ga940214 -- BOUNCE BOUNCE - BOING BOING BOING - I had no idea you could do this on a hardwood floor! Diet time.
ga940215 -- I'm putting you on a diet, Garfield. - If you gain any more weight, earth will swing out of its orbit and plunge into the sun. - What do you say to that? Pass me adoughnut and turn up the air-conditioning.
ga940216 -- GET OFF! I CAN'T STAND IT! - ARRRRGH! - Just practicing. Shaddup.
ga940217 -- I know Jon said no more snacks. - But I had a weak moment. - Someone tore the door off the refrigerator! A weak yet intense moment.
ga940218 -- Life is a constant battle between right and wrong! - Good and evil! - Cheesecake and diet!
ga940219 -- - NO! NO! HAVE MERCY! - Out of the goodness of my heart, I didn't weigh myself today.
ga940220 -- Z tick tick tick tick - Z BRINNNG! - 'morning, Garfield. 'morning, Jon. - 'morning, Pooky. crunch crunch - 'morning, Odie. - - I gotta get off this diet.
ga940221 -- I've been dieting. Riiiiight. - No, really. Is this a face that would lie? - How should I know? I've never seen it.
ga940222 -- Dieting is hard work. - But, after several grueling days, I'm happy to report I have slowed my weight gain to a crawl! - A small victory perhaps, but a victory nevertheless. You have doughnuts on your breath.
ga940223 -- Hey, scale. How much do YOU weigh? - That's none of your business! - He can dish it out, but he sure can't take it.
ga940224 -- I'm glad you agree with my 'no snacks at night' rule, Garfield. - Garfield? - Are you standing over me with a fork? And about this far from deranged.
ga940225 -- Good news! - I'm happy to report that I have successfully gained five pounds! - First time I ever hit a weight goal!
ga940226 -- - Rats! - I just finished a 14-day diet, and all I lost was 2 weeks.
ga940227 -- - Hey? What's that ahead? FLEA COLLAR!!! - Everybody move to the rear of the cat! - My sidney is up there! I'll save him, ma'am. - Okay, son, hold on to my antenna. - SIDNEY! MOMMY! HOORAY!!! - TAIL COLLAR!!! There's a movie here somewhere.
ga940228 -- Odie - GARFIELD - All is right with the world.
ga940301 -- I'm going to the kitchen. - - Don't wait up for me.
ga940302 -- I wonder what it's like outside. It's raining. - - And blowing.
ga940303 -- I just bought coffee yesterday, and no we're out. - Do you know what happened to it, Garfield? - Not offhand. But, if you like, I could stay awake for the next three nights to give it more thought.
ga940304 -- Hey, look! A big, fat, dumb cat! - Get out of here, you stupid, ugly tub of lard. Yeah, beat it! - Whatever happened to "chirp, chirp"?
ga940305 -- - - Kids, don't let this happen to you.
ga940306 -- SLAM! - SLAM! - - SLAM! - When I get angry I just feel like slamming doors. - - SLAM!
ga940307 -- Garfield, am I a geek? - Yes. - Too bad cats can't talk. Yes! Yes! I'm saying yes here!
ga940308 -- I wish I were looking better. - pat pat Now, now. There's no reason for you to do that. - I'M the one who should wish you were better looking.
ga940309 -- Garfield, I've been looking at myself in the mirror. - And I have to ask you a question. - An I macho? He apparently doesn't notice I have a mouthful of food.
ga940310 -- I really need to change my image, Garfield. I fully agree. - Change can be a healthy thing. You couldn't be more right. - We could both stand to improve our looks a little, right? Speak for yourself, donkey face.
ga940311 -- Women like men who are tall, dark and handsome. - Do you think I could be tall, dark and handsome? You sure could. - Stand on a chair, turn out the lights, and lie.
ga940312 -- You know, Garfield... - I wish I had a secret identity like superheroes do. - Your identity IS a secret.
ga940313 -- Z - Z - YANK! WHIRRRRRR - - Z - STOMP! B-D-D-D-D-D-d
ga940314 -- * DING - TIME TO EAT! - Cats don't go "ding". I ate the egg timer.
ga940315 -- You're fat. - And lazy. - See? I'm doing the work of two cats!
ga940316 -- You wait right here, Odie. I'll go get your food. - - MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
ga940317 -- Z - It's good to see you on the job. What job? - And, where did that hole in the wall come from?
ga940318 -- Where's my present? - I can't bring you something every time I go out. - Then why go out?
ga940319 -- Are you having as much fun as I am? - I'm bored. - I guess you are.
ga940320 -- - - ZOOOOM - WHIP - WHIP - Why do cats do that?! It drives me nuts! - You just answered your own question, boopsy!
ga940321 -- - - Ever notice how cats are able to blend into the background?
ga940322 -- Here's a ball of yarn to play with. - - How do you turn it on?
ga940323 -- You cats are lucky you have fur. - It keeps you warm and cozy. - It also covers up my coiled snake tattoo.
ga940324 -- Z When cats want someone to wake up, we walk across him. - YAAAH! - In golf shoes.
ga940325 -- Cats are creatures of nature. We do things based entirely on...uh... - - Instinct!
ga940326 -- Garfield, it's dangerous up in that tree! - Not for the graceful cat! - At least not for the graceful cat with a parachute.
ga940327 -- DING DONG ** - DING DONG ** - - Garfield, cats don't ring doorbells when they want in. - Fine. - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - Happy now?
ga940328 -- Boy, am I out of shape. - There's only one thing to do. - If you can't lose it...belt it.
ga940329 -- I've lost my library card! - I'll form a search party. - Right after I finish picking my teeth.
ga940330 -- Jon hurt his back and can't move. - I could get help. - Or I could go through his pockets for a change. Get away from me!
ga940331 -- Ladies and gentlemen...Odie! - THUD! - Open the door, THEN walk in!
ga940401 -- Can I see you for a second, Garfield? - Sure. - I want to speak to you about the lack of Respect you... Second's up.
ga940402 -- - BEWARE Of THE DOG - I think I'll walk this way.
ga940403 -- GURRGLE... What's that noise? - GURRRRGLE... - - - How cute. Garfield saved part of his snowman. - - GARFIELD!
ga940404 -- DINNER! - Where's Garfield? - Where's Jon?
ga940405 -- I cleaned my plate! - And yours! - DING-DONG! ** And the neighbors'!
ga940406 -- MY GOLDFISH! - Put it back, Garfield...now! - GARFIELD!
ga940407 -- Can I trust you alone with this cake, Garfield? - Sure. - It's stupid, but you can do it!
ga940408 -- A lone hamburger. - It's separated from the herd. - You never lose those hunting instincts.
ga940409 -- - snatch! GULP! - I hope that was food.
ga940410 -- - Pencil. - Change. - Comb. - Corn chips. - Fork. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH . AH-HA! - pop The remote control.
ga940411 -- I know what it's like outside... - Without leaving the house. - Tonight there's a full moon. We need a sacrifice.
ga940412 -- I wonder what the future holds. - - Hey! The future has a cookie jar!
ga940413 -- munch munch munch Where did the cookies go? - Uh, they went to the post office to buy some stamps. - And then they're going to the beach! Wipe the crumbs off your chin.
ga940414 -- I did it! - I just ate my one millionth meal! - And it's only noon.
ga940415 -- Garfield, I know food is important for you. - But there ar elimits. - Like worshiping a doughnut. Don't anger the gods.
ga940416 -- SNARF SMACK GULP CHOMP SLURP - Your eating habits are disgusting! - What I lack in quality, I make up in quantity.
ga940417 -- - - - BWA-BWA-BWA-BWAAAHH - SMMAAACK! rub rub rub rub rub - - The pizza delivery boy must be here.
ga940418 -- CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP - CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP - Been stomping spiders? How'ja guess?
ga940419 -- NO! NO! JON! DON't DO IT! - STOMP! OH NO!! - I wanted to do that.
ga940420 -- - - KA-CHUNK! click
ga940421 -- - whack! -
ga940422 -- - THOT - Spiders seem to have gotten faster as I've grown older.
ga940423 -- INVISIBLE SPIDER! - whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! whap! - What do you think you're doing?! Didn't you not see that?
ga940424 -- YAHOO! - Daisies!! - Tulips! - Marigolds! - Pansies! - YEEOOW! - Roses!
ga940425 -- Good morning, Garfield. - Oh, all right, good morning to you too, Pooky. Kiss - Love me, love my teddy bear.
ga940426 -- Now don't kick Odie off the table! All right, all right. - BOOT! - THUD!
ga940427 -- I've secretly hidden a brick in this cake. - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - I've secretly developed a taste for bricks.
ga940428 -- GARFIELD! - FIX IT! Oh, all right. -
ga940429 -- Jon says I'm not cheerful enough. - - Is this cheerful enough for you, bone brain?
ga940430 -- Get ready for a fancy gourmet meal, Garfield. - VOILA! - A hot dog dressed in a little tuxedo?
ga940501 -- - Hey, Garfield, watch me impress the chicks with my mime act. You look like a kitchen match. - - - - - Ow. Ah, ah, aaah...you're not supposed to talk.
ga940502 -- Life is funny. - Ha! Ha! Ha! - For some of us.
ga940503 -- Jon has thrown caution to the wind. - He has the crazed look of a manliving on the edge. - He's wearing his undershirt inside out.
ga940504 -- Jon's out frolicking with mother nature. - RABID MOTH! - I warned him...the woman's a maniac.
ga940505 -- Feeling dull? Want to seem more exciting? - Hang out with someone even duller! - What is it, Garfield?
ga940506 -- ** ** * - * - He's never happier then when he's wearing his musical socks.
ga940507 -- Jon and I had a little disagreement this morning. - But I handled it in a mature manner... - You broke my crayons! Considering what I had to work with.
ga940508 -- cheeerip cheeerip - cheeerip cheeerip Night sounds don't have to be scary. For instance, that's the sound of a cricket... - CREEEEK That's the house settling. - pant pant pant ...that is Odie. - BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP ...that is the faucet
ga940508 -- dripping. - And those... - Are Jon's glow-in-the-dark boxer shorts.
ga940509 -- Jon, you look like you're in a bad mood. - Was it something I've said? - Or was it several things I've done?
ga940510 -- By golly, I'd like to see less indifference around here! - - What do you think? Up to you.
ga940511 -- BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! - It's no use. We'll never catch that ice cream truck.
ga940512 -- I have my eye on you. - - In reference to what?
ga940513 -- Here comes FATSO! - - He's not only fat. He's slow. I was referring to you!
ga940514 -- Beware Of The - Beware Of The - BARK! BARK!
ga940515 -- - - WHAM! - - - - PHHHHT!
ga940516 -- - A-one and-a-two... - TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY
ga940517 -- TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - BOOO! - Okay, who booed?
ga940518 -- I was born to dance! - SLIP - Or, maybe I was born to lie here and whimper.
ga940519 -- tappity tappity  tappity tappity - TAH-DAHHHHH! - SPLUT!
ga940520 -- And now, the story of a warm and loving cat. - ...on "Science Fiction Theater!" - Weird. click
ga940521 -- Kill the mouse! - - How about if I get him interested in bungee jumping and hope for an accident?
ga940522 -- - Look at that cat. - Too bad old Bowser isn't here. He was a good dog. - Old Bowser would have made an orange hat out of him. - Old Bowser would have made a cat taco with him. - Yep, too bad old Bowser isn't here. He was a good dog. - I hope
ga940522 -- they buried him deep.
ga940523 -- Every time I look at you, you're either eating or sleeping. - - I'd be happy to choose one and stick with it.
ga940524 -- Garfield, you weigh too much. I hear you, Jon. - I want you to lose weight, and I mean now! Yessir. - Where are you going? To a planet with a weaker gravitational pull.
ga940525 -- Odie! I have a treat for you, Odie! - - Nice try, Garfield. Garfield? I'm not Garfield.
ga940526 -- Dessert! - - The son of dessert: part two!
ga940527 -- Linda, I'll bet there's nothing you'd rather do than go out with me tonight. - Uh-huh... - She'd rather swin in piranha-infested waters dressed as a meat loaf. I'll bet you were a close second.
ga940528 -- Well, mister eating machine. - Thanks to your six-hour lunch, you missed dinner. - I'll starve!
ga940529 -- - BEWARE OF BOOGA - "Beware of Booga"? - What theheck is a boo- - Gulp - - BOOGA! BOOGA! BOOGA!
ga940530 -- - You should exercise, Garfield. - I'm already so tired, it doesn't seem necessary.
ga940531 -- - Any chance you might actually move today? - An earthquake is always a possibility.
ga940601 -- I wish something exciting would happen. - - Not to ME of course.
ga940602 -- Always think before you act. - - How about if I think and then just lie here?
ga940603 -- I'm thinking seriously of going into the next room. - - Unless you'd like to bring the room in here. You're worthless.
ga940604 -- Sigh. - Every day is just like another. - If you're doing things right.
ga940605 -- GAR-FIELD! - - - - - SPLOT! - Impressive. Did you catch the triple lutz?
ga940606 -- Well, look who finally got up. - Is it Garfield, or Mister Grumpy? - We don't like Mister Grumpy. And Mister Grumpy doesn't like you.
ga940607 -- - BIBUU BIBUU BIBUU BIBUU - I hate that, you know! I know.
ga940608 -- I go to the pet store to buy you something nice. - But do you appreciate it?! - NOOO! I'M WEARING KITTIE SHOES!
ga940609 -- So, Linda, I'll meet you there at seven. - Me? ...oh, I'm tall and handsome with rippling muscles. - I love blind dates! I'll get the inflatable biceps.
ga940610 -- Hey, Odie, I bought you an automatic doggie door. - BEEP ZIP! - And I installed it.
ga940611 -- This looks okay, doesn't it? - "Okay" doesn't do that outfit justice. - Guess who puts off doing his laundry as long as possible?
ga940612 -- ? - - click - click click click - click click click click click click - All right, TV... - Dance! click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click -
ga940612 -- Fastest clicker in the west.
ga940613 -- Wow. I can't believe I'm going to be sixteen. Where did the years go? pat pat pat - - I think I just zinged myself.
ga940614 -- C'mon, Garfield, snap out of it. Birthdays aren't that bad. - After all, aging is all in the mind. Of course it is. - And the mind is the first thing to go.
ga940615 -- Here, Garfield, you got some mail. Me? Really? - It's from my mom. How nice. - She chrocheted me a birthday card.
ga940616 -- Garfield, have you though about what you want for your birthday? A gazillion slave dogs! - Since you're turning sixteen it should be something special. World domination! - How about a large pizza with everything? Even better!
ga940617 -- Garfield sure has been upset about getting a year older. - - Z
ga940618 -- It's true! I AM getting old! I'm losing my hair! - Oh, no! Are you shedding AGAIN?! - Oh...yeah.
ga940619 -- - WHAT A SURPRISE! - - - WHAT A SURP- - - - SURPRISE!!!
ga940620 -- Exercise would give you more energy. - - Thanks for the warning.
ga940621 -- I bought you a seafood lunch, Garfield. - - They had a special on ugly fish. Quick, I'm losing my appetite.
ga940622 -- I honestly didn't think you could get any fatter, Garfield. - But noooooooo. I was wrong. - Don't be so hard on yourself, Jon.
ga940623 -- This is a funny book! - - Well?
ga940624 -- Garfield, I bet you're bigger around than you are tall! - Hey! Hey! - I can't help if I'm short!
ga940625 -- This has been a pleasant day. - - No need for Jon to know.
ga940626 -- - - - All right, Garfield. Let's have it. Spit it out! - PTOO splat! - C'mon, the rest of it! - PTOO tap tap tap
ga940627 -- It's nice to see you, Garfield. - Really? - I feel safer whan you're in plain view.
ga940628 -- Staying cool during the summer is all mental. - If you just THINK "cool", you'll BE cool. - Of course, others may use different approaches. Do we have any more tape?
ga940629 -- AH - CHOO! snif
ga940630 -- Odie is thrilled to see me. - - Okay, he's just thrilled.
ga940701 -- Uhhh... - SPLOOOSH - YEEEEEEOOOW! Jon has yet to master the art of dunking.
ga940702 -- Why are your eyes closed? - I was in the middle of a blink... - And I lost interest.
ga940703 -- - - slurp slurp slurp lick lick slurp slurp lick lick - lick lick lick lick munch munch munch munch - munch munch - SLURRRRPP! -
ga940704 -- - The mail's here!... - And here, and here, and...
ga940705 -- I love gardening, Garfield. - Life springing from the ground! - This is great! I ate your seeds!
ga940706 -- It's raining, and I have to go out. - Here's your umbrella, Jon! - And here are the holes I cut in it!
ga940707 -- I just wrote a poem! - I just tore up a poem! rip rip rip rip rip - I don't do enlightenment.
ga940708 -- knock knock - knock knock knock knock knock CRASH! - You're not very patient, are you? Not when I have to wait.
ga940709 -- Bad news, Jon. - No matter how many times I run your blazer through the blender, it just won't make a decent milk shake. - Sorry. Why, thank you, Garfield. What's this brass button doing in here?
ga940710 -- - Hm...the little light in the refrigerator has burned out. - Thisdinky thing was never bright enough anyway. - Better. - A snack should help me sleep. - - GARFIELD!
ga940711 -- Well, well, well. Keeping busy, I see. - That's right. - I'm collecting sarcastic remarks!
ga940712 -- Mailman's here. - AIEEEEEEEE! - What was that? Well now, possibly there could be a large, unattractive insect in the mailbox...maybe.
ga940713 -- I'm going to the store. Is there anything you DON'T want? - Uh, no. - But, thanks for asking!
ga940714 -- SPLAT! - Coffee? Please. - Service is getting very slack around here.
ga940715 -- As far as you're concerned, all I'm good for is feeding you. - - You say that as if it were unimportant.
ga940716 -- Boy, am I depressed. - I know! I'll invite all my friends to a party! - Gee, I was hoping for a bigger turnout. Then next time invite your enemies.
ga940717 -- rattle rattle - Garfield, let me in! - C'mon, buddy, unlocj the door. - Open the door!! - Hurry, before it's too late!! - It's toooo laaaaaate. AAAARRRGHHHH! Bunny jammies? With feet?
ga940718 -- I remember back on the farm, Garfield. Here we go. - Family sitting on the porch, voices singing... - * OH, STRANGLE ME A CHICKEN...STICK ME A PIG! ** These people need professional help.
ga940719 -- - Hi. - By the way, we're out of garlic.
ga940720 -- What's for supper, Jon? - CAT FOOD!? - Life is full of surprises! Nobody likes a sarcastic pet.
ga940721 -- Poor Jon... - He's the kind of guy who'll give you the shirt off his back. - And there are no takers.
ga940722 -- Garfield, I have a date tonight! I'll alert the media. - I have to make a good impression. Then stay home. - Should I wear shoes? Been a while, hasn't it Jonny boy.
ga940723 -- I like to think of myself as a role model for you boys. - - Urf? Yes, that means we get to blame everything on him.
ga940724 -- - - - - - - klack!
ga940725 -- Garfield! You ate ALL cupcakes?! You're a greedy pig! You're right. - I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! - Like it? It's called remorse without guilt.
ga940726 -- I love chocolate cake! - - Love is fleeting.
ga940727 -- PURR PURR PURR - Garfield, are you purring? - No, but I think there's something wrong with my chain saw.
ga940728 -- beep beep boop This phone bill says it all. - Hey, nice biceps, big guy! - boop beep boop $542.16 for Dial-A-Compliment.
ga940729 -- I've decided not to order a pizza tonight. - RIP! - Then what's the point of having a telephone? FLING
ga940730 -- * RINNG! - Hello?... Speaking... Do I own a cat? - I have 30 frozen turkeys out on the lawn! No, sir. I do not.
ga940731 -- - - ! - - SLAM! -
ga940801 -- - poke - I had to provoke it.
ga940802 -- Here I am, trapped in a ball of yarn. - My whole life just flashed before my eyes. - And it looked like a junk food commercial.
ga940803 -- I'm reading about ancient civilizations. - Know how they killed their enemies? - Yeah, they gave them a ball of yarn to play with.
ga940804 -- Now I know why cats are given yarn. - It's nature's way of keeping a balance. - Like a dinosaur falling into a tar pit.
ga940805 -- - -
ga940806 -- - poke - I'll get you for this.
ga940807 -- - There's ordinary old coffee... - SLUP - YOING! - FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! - WHIRRRRRRR - And then there's "bottom-of-the-pot-sitting-plugged-in-all-day-coffee!"
ga940808 -- I spend the day doing good deeds. - While YOU didn't move from that spot. - We both made the world a little nicer today. Hey!
ga940809 -- I should exercise. - Fudge? - You're evil, you know that, don't you?
ga940810 -- BOOT! - - Hey, Jon. Did you see that line drive?
ga940811 -- - Garfield left the table in the middle of a meal! - Snack time.
ga940812 -- - - Out of dust rags, are we?
ga940813 -- As soon as I get my jacket, I'll be ready to go to the vet, Garfield. Fine. - - Be sure to say hello to me.
ga940814 -- - - - - - - A-HEM!
ga940815 -- EIIIIYEEEE!!! I'm putting you on a diet, Garfield! - YAAAAAAHHH!! No fair! - UNNNGH (CHOKE) GAH! Who a re you going to believe? Me, or this stupid talking scale?!
ga940816 -- You know, there's "fat"... - And then there's "fat-fat"- So what am I? - "Fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-fat-"
ga940817 -- All right! - I lost a few pounds! And I found them. - I wish that was just an old joke.
ga940818 -- You're as light as a feather! - - A really, really, REALLY big feather.
ga940819 -- Go ahead. Give me the truth. I can take it. - Earth's orbit around the sun is slowly deteriorating. One day we'll fall to a fiery demise! - Not that truth. Your sister has mange?
ga940820 -- Hack! Cough! The weight's too much! I'm a goner! - Lean over, I want to see your face before I go... - Or IS that your face?... This is called justifiable homicide.
ga940821 -- - I wonder if Jon fixed the toaster? click - KA-CHOINNG! - PWING! PWANG! - YAAAHHHH!! - CRASH! PWING! PWANG! YIPE! - CRAAASHH! Yup.
ga940822 -- - - I just might want to take a picture of something other than you, Garfield. Why?
ga940823 -- I think I'll try the direct approach. - Hop in! - Just a thought.
ga940824 -- I'm tired. - I'm Garfield. - You look like you're Jon, tired.
ga940825 -- - I'm creating the illusion of movement. - You need dusting. It's not working.
ga940826 -- - CHOMP GOBBLE GOBBLE SNARF SNARF - I need to get away from you. Burp. How come?
ga940827 -- Saturday night, and the moon is full. - Out of the night, a cry to all that is wild and free... - LET'S POLKA! I think I'll turn in early.
ga940828 -- - - dunk dunk - wring wring - -
ga940829 -- Beware of dog?! Ha! Ha! Ha! - Ooooo. You must be very mean... - Touch, too.
ga940830 -- Beware Of Bird Oh, really? - PTOO CLANK! - Yes...definitely really.
ga940831 -- I don't entirely enjoy your company. - Pardon my bluntness. - BEWARE OF THE WILLING-TO-SHARE-HIS-FEELINGS DOG.
ga940901 -- BEWARE OF FROG - ? - ZIP SPLAT!
ga940902 -- - Aren't you going to try to get me? - I'm cutting down on the fat in my diet. You ARE vicious.
ga940903 -- You're ugly. - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - As if it's my fault.
ga940904 -- DINGLE * DINGLE * - - Go get it, boy! DINGLE *  - DINGLE * DINGLE * - DINGLE * - -
ga940905 -- - I have candy. -
ga940906 -- Doctors report that you shouldn't- click - Studies find that it's hard to- click - Next-a salute to bacon! Now we're talking.
ga940907 -- Bet you can't find Odie! - What are you doing with that shovel? - Ah, ah, ah...no hints!
ga940908 -- That's a big cup of coffee! - No, it's just right. - For this doughnut.
ga940909 -- Here's uncle Ned. He loved farming. - "The smell of the earth is the perfume of life," he'd say. - That explains the dirt clod up his nose.
ga940910 -- - I wonder how long he intends to be there? - Uh-oh.
ga940911 -- click click click click - Rats! There's nothing on T.V.! click click - - YAAAHHHH! rrrrrr - YAAAAHHHH! rrrr - YAAAAAAAAAHHHH! rrrrr - YAAAHHH! rrrrrr
ga940912 -- Higher...higher... - Perfect! - bidditty bidditty bidditty bidditty
ga940913 -- - - yeeeoooow!
ga940914 -- - SWAT! - The old "newspaper-on-the-foot" trick.
ga940915 -- - - plip
ga940916 -- - SWAT! - Th thrill is gone.
ga940917 -- Gimme your measuring tape! - Thanks! - REALLY big spider!
ga940918 -- PET SHOW Am I on? - And now for the talent portion of our competition! - Walter Schmidlapp and Petey! OOoOOO MY PAPA ** - ---Teresa Glotz and Lizzy! - ...Timmy Minko and Blinky! - ...Peggy Smith and Pickles! - ...Jon Arbuckle and Garfield!
ga940918 -- BLINKY! WAAAHH! Heeere, piggy, piggy, piggy.
ga940919 -- Eat your ice cream before it melts. - - Ice cream melts?
ga940920 -- - BONK! MEOW! - Pardon my language.
ga940921 -- The mighty lion lies poised and hungry. - A cruel smile reveals his lethal fangs. - Garfield, you look like a deranged walrus. He spies his first victim.
ga940922 -- - POP! - The sound of an exploding cat. My worst fear!
ga940923 -- I think I'll go do something. - Ha - He never could keep up with me.
ga940924 -- Hi there! - This is me being friendly. - This makes my face hurt.
ga940925 -- - - - - - THUD -
ga940926 -- Ah! Good morning, world! - SNIFFFF - GAAAAGHH! SNORT! SHORT! SNORT! COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH SNOOORT! Inhaled an entire monarch butterfly.
ga940927 -- Try not to do anything annoying today. - I'll make a note of it. - How do you spell "annoying"?
ga940928 -- I'm just driving to the store. Be right back. - SLAM! YEEEEOOOW! - Don'tcha hate hot car seats?
ga940929 -- I think I'll put a smile on Jon's face! - -
ga940930 -- I've never been happier in my... - CRASH! - This chair has been tampered with. Now I'M happy.
ga941001 -- SHRED SHRED SHRED - SHRED SHRED SHRED - You like my new chair? "New" is hardly the word.
ga941002 -- Z tick tick tick - BRRIIIINNG - RIIINNNG - FLUSK RRRIIINNNnnnnnn nnblub nblub nblub nblub - - - The toilet is ringing! What should I do? Take a message.
ga941003 -- Books are very important. - - I'm sitting on one to get a better view of the T.V.
ga941004 -- BOOT! - Autumn is here and the dogs are falling!
ga941005 -- Garfield, I wonder if I've lived any former lives. - I doubt it. - You're not even living this one.
ga941006 -- Looks aren't everything, Garfield. There's also personality. - - Uh, there's always personal hygiene. You gonna floss your way into some babe's heart?
ga941007 -- I'm back! - Of course, I haven't been anywhere, so I guess I'm NOT back. - Where am I?
ga941008 -- Poor aunt Zelda. Overeating did her in. - She was at the zoo. - Tried to take food from a wolverine. Ouch.
ga941009 -- - ** DING-DONG! - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - - * DING DONG! ** - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK Honey, it's the doorbell again!
ga941010 -- You don't look well, Garfield. - Maybe it was something you ate. - As if that would narrow it down. Smart guy.
ga941011 -- AH-CHOO! - ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! - I think you may be coming down with something, Garfield. Gee, Dr. Salk, what tipped you off?
ga941012 -- Stupid code. Sniff - HONK -
ga941013 -- AH...AHHH...AHHH..* - Nothing! Don't you just hate it when... - CHOO!
ga941014 -- How's your cold, Garfield? Great! HONNNK! - sniff sniff I'm not so well. - But the cold's doing great.
ga941015 -- Still have your cold, Garfeld? snif Yes. I wish it would go away. - What's that old saying mom used to use?..."Feed a cold, starve a fever". - In the UBBER hand...
ga941016 -- - POISONOUS SPIDER! - Get me a chair and a whip! - Get me a ten-gallon drum of bug spray! - It's a venom.spewing hairy-legged killer! - - Or a piece of lint.
ga941017 -- "Doughnuts are the perfect food, declares doctor". - That's the fattest doctor I've ever seen. - Not to mention the happiest.
ga941018 -- Garfield, I hope you don't take this the wrong way... - But you're getting as fat as a pig. Fine, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way... - And I hope you don't take THIS the wrong way!
ga941019 -- - - You have a lot to learn about goofing off.
ga941020 -- Nobody's home. - - I hate having to get on my own nerves.
ga941021 -- Why are you reading when you could be talking to me? - ZIP - So, read any good books lately?
ga941022 -- COUGH COUUUGH HACK HACK HAAACK - HAAACK cough couch HARRRRF hock hock hocccch HACK COUGH - You don't care for the outdoors, do you? How's a guy to breathe with all that fresh air out there?!
ga941023 -- click click click click click click - Z - Z - Z - Z - YAWN - - YAH Good things come to those who wait.
ga941024 -- Why hello, Mr. Puppet! - How are you, Mr. Puppet? Let me shake your... - EEEYUCK! That's Mr. "Tongue" Puppet to you.
ga941025 -- - skrik - What do you do when they think up stuff that's not in the instruction manual?
ga941026 -- Hey, look! Odie and I have been making funny face. - If you keep doing that your face will atay like that. - NOW you tell us!
ga941027 -- Ha! Ha!I told you if you made a face, it would stick! - GRINK - THAT'S NOT FUNNY! Then why am I smiling?
ga941028 -- Who'd have ever believed if you made a face It'd stick that way? The mothers of the world. - Wanna go out with me? - EEEEEEEK Thought I might as well have some fun. You're sick.
ga941029 -- Maybe we can unfreeze our faces if we just relax. - SIIIIGH - That's better...sort of. My nose is in my coffee!
ga941030 -- Z - Z - Boo! Who are you? - I'm the ghost of the goldfish you ate last summer. You're kidding. - And I'm here to haunt you! Ooooo, I'm so, scared. - Along with a few others you've eaten. This could be trouble.
ga941031 -- Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! - Correction. - Greetings, empty trash cans and a cardboard box!
ga941101 -- ...and so the moose says, "that was no chicken, that was my wife!" - KONK! - Even the band hates my act.
ga941102 -- Greetings, ladies and germs! Welcome to... tappity tappity tappity - SPLOT! - The dinner show.
ga941103 -- Fellow cats, please welcome the amazing Zarconi Brothers! - MICE!!! - Tough crowd. BURP Encore!!
ga941104 -- Anyone here tonight from out of town? - BONK! - Hawaii! How nice!
ga941105 -- Hey, you've been a beautiful audience! clap clap clap clap - Just beautiful! Don't ever change, and I mean it! Love ya! Goodnight!... clap clap clap clap - Mom clap clap clap clap
ga941106 -- - Look, boys! Pigs! Let's all imitate a pig! Do we have to? - Oink Oink Oink Oink Oink - Very good. Ooo! Cows! Let's be a cow! - Moom Moooo Moooo - A POSSUM! THUMP! THUMP! - Very funny.
ga941107 -- I'm back from my world travels! - Weren't you just in the kitchen? - It's the world to ME.
ga941108 -- I love comedy! - Hitting someone with a pie isn't funny. Oh. - I love drama.
ga941109 -- - It's impossible not to be cheerful when Odie's around. - So I'll leave.
ga941110 -- WHIRRRRRRRRRR - Garfield! What are you doing? - Eliminating the middleman.
ga941111 -- Jon went shopping. - He read that women are attracted to men who wear hats. - Oh yeah?! Well there are chicks who go crazy for earflaps! A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
ga941112 -- Yes! Exercise! - - Yes! Just lying here!
ga941113 -- - lap lap lap - ODIE! Do not drink my water! - GARFIELD! Keep your paws off my potatoes! - STOP LICKING MY PORK CHOP! - GOBBLE GOBBLE NARF NARF CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! HA! What are you trying to do? Make us sick?
ga941114 -- You know what we could use around here? - Some hilarious high jinks. - Would that require getting up?
ga941115 -- I'm almost completely bored. - - My foot is having a good time.
ga941116 -- Do you ever get the feeling that you're missing out on a lot of things? Yes, I do. - - Is that bad?
ga941117 -- Sigh. - My standards are too low. - And don't think I don't appreciate that.
ga941118 -- Ah, friday night. SPLAT! SPLAT! - Looks like I win again, Garfield! Yee-ha. - Fun with sardines.
ga941119 -- - - Is it boring in here, or is it just you?
ga941120 -- - - wind wind wind - - -
ga941121 -- Howdy, pardner. - - A ten-gallon hat on a one-quart head.
ga941122 -- Howdy, Garfield! - I am a genuine cowbow! Yee-ha. - Let's hit the trail! Right after our sissy hangin'.
ga941123 -- I have the clothes...I have the guitar... - I'm Jon Arbuckle, singing cowboy! - ** I'm sittin' on my spurs, mama ** First we hang his guitar and make him watch.
ga941124 -- My new fish is very exotic. - When threatened, it expands to fifty times its size. - You don't say.
ga941125 -- Another goldfish eaten. - Think of the money I've spent on these things. Really. - You could have saved up and bought me a trout.
ga941126 -- You are way too fat. - Unless, of course, you're an elephant. - Whoa! Jon thinks I'm an elephant.
ga941127 -- - - - - - GULP! -
ga941128 -- Wow. The same thing is on every channel! click click - click click click click - The remote is broken. click click click click Get real! what are the chances of that?
ga941129 -- Coming up next: shows that are three seconds long... - For those who like to change channels... - But are too lazy to press the buttons! Finally!
ga941130 -- Today on "Cooking for Cats"...healthy salads! - We have our lettuce, our carrots, our tomatoes... - And now we add our squirrel. I like organic food.
ga941201 -- The following program contains scenes not suitable for cats. - ARF! - What's this world coming to? click!
ga941202 -- KICK! - - Hey! Stop enjoying that!
ga941203 -- Good things come to those who wait. - - Personally, I feel grabbing and running is pretty effective too!
ga941204 -- - ** * * ** - ** * * ** - ** * * ** - ** * * ** - ** * * ** - ** * * ** - ** * * **
ga941205 -- Today's the day I do nothing. - Unless I'm mistaken. - Though being mistaken would be something, not nothing. So if today's the the day I do nothing, I can't be mistaken. Unless I'm mistaken.
ga941206 -- BONK! - Was there any damage? - No. It looks all right.
ga941207 -- Z - Odie's asleep and I'm awake. Z - What to do, what to do.
ga941208 -- Some dirty, rotten, low-down, slimy... - Filthy, disgusting, gluttonous, hog... - STOLE MY SUPPER! I'm picking up some tension here.
ga941209 -- BARK! BARK! SNARL SNARL SNARL ARF ARF BARK BEWARE OF THE DOG - BARK! BARK! ARF ARF BARK! BARK! erase erase erase -
ga941210 -- - This cake is light as a feather! - Pssssss Ate the cake. Left the frosting.
ga941211 -- - The first snowflake! - - Jon! Jon! - - - wipe wipe
ga941212 -- - Winter is here. - Don't answer the door.
ga941213 -- When shopping for a Christmas tree, there are two things to keep in mind... - One: look for a tree with soft, supple needles. - And two: your ceiling is never as high as you remember.
ga941214 -- - GARFIELD! - Spread those around!
ga941215 -- Okay, Garfield, the lights are all hung! Plug 'er in! This is the moment I look forward to every year. - FZZZZT - The annual blowing out of the neighborhood power grid.
ga941216 -- RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE Hmm...a nice loud rattle. - That's a good sign. - That means it's no underwear.
ga941217 -- Look, Garfield, we got another Christmas card! - "Merry Christmas, you sow.huggin', cow-kissin', sissy, city boy". - I think it's from Doc Boy It must be. He spelled his name wrong.
ga941218 -- - - - - Nice job, boys-
ga941219 -- BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG - Perfect! -
ga941220 -- ! - sniff sniff sniff - AhHA!! NOG breath! Curses.
ga941221 -- You know, Garfield... - Santa KNOWS whether you've been good or bad all year. - Does he give points for being ingratiating?
ga941222 -- What did Santa say when he got stuck upside down in the chimney? - !OH !OH !OH - Ow! No hard candy! Ow! Ow!
ga941223 -- Sigh...I love the holiday season. - The lights, the presents, the caroling... - GARFIELD!!! The (burp) Christmas cookies...
ga941224 -- I know how excited you are about Christmas, Garfield... - And I know it's Christmas eve... - But it's only noon! Quiet! The sooner I get to sleep, the sooner it'll be tomorrow!
ga941225 -- Sigh - What a great Christmas, Garfield. - The tree is beautiful, the ham was delicious... - And the presents were terrific. - But the best thing about Christmas is being together. - If I could only find you. Who said that? Urf?
ga941226 -- Christmas is over. - Better change into something more appropriate. -
ga941227 -- That sweater mom made you for Christmas looks good on you, Garfield. So what's the catch? - And it fits good, too. There's gotta be a catch. - And it's 100% cow. There MUST be a catch.
ga941228 -- Next year I resolve to grow chest hair! - Ahem. - That's "fur".
ga941229 -- - Talk about insecure. - Jon's practicing for the new year's party.
ga941230 -- * - - *
ga941231 -- - ** fweeeeee - Happy new year.
ga950101 -- Garfield! Wake up! - Come on, Garfield! Time's wasting! - It's a new year, pal. Time for a new start! - There's a new world out there with new challenges! - And it's all mine! - TALLYHO!! - New year, new start, new world, same Jon.
ga950102 -- You know what the world needs? - More sugary treats! - Love! What are you? Some kind of a nut?
ga950103 -- Bad news, Garfield. I forgot to buy cat food! - Oh, no! - Whatever will I do?
ga950104 -- Here you go, Jon! - I'm not your pet! You're mine! - And furthermore...is that turkey?
ga950105 -- - Sigh - This, obviously, is not my hat.
ga950106 -- ? - Every sweater I own is missing. - Warm at last.
ga950107 -- Do you think I'm funny? - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - Sorry. I thought you were kidding.
ga950108 -- - - - - DING-DONG - YES? - z-wip SPLOT!
ga950109 -- - - Found a spider in the freezer.
ga950110 -- Spider race! - WHAP! - The winner!
ga950111 -- cough cough - How about a cough drop? WHAP - Those things really work.
ga950112 -- - SWAT! - heh heh heh This is not a good sign.
ga950113 -- O.K. Garfield, pretend I'm a mouse. - I'm running across the room. What do you do? - Take me to your cheese.
ga950114 -- - What's this? - A list of things I'm NOT going to do today!
ga950115 -- - - POP POP POP POP POP POP - POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP - POP POP POP POP POP POP POP - POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP - Milk? I think I'll have toast.
ga950116 -- - - You're not very cheerful today. - You missed it.
ga950117 -- - What a beautiful, sunny day! -
ga950118 -- - You are a dolt. You ar eugly, and you are generally unacceptable. - They love attention.
ga950119 -- BLAGOONGA! - Blaoonga? - Odie needs tuning.
ga950120 -- Jane, congratulations! You have won the grand prize! - A night out with Jon Arbuckle! - She'd rather have a dishwasher. Counter with a bun warmer.
ga950121 -- What do you think of when you see a beautiful scene like this, Garfield? - Pizza. - And that stump over there reminds me of a lasagna.
ga950122 -- Saw it. click - Saw it. click - Saw it. click - Saw it. click Saw it. click Saw it. click - Rats! Reruns! I wanna see something different! -
ga950123 -- Coffee? - - Your guess is as good mine.
ga950124 -- Is your coffee too strong, Garfield? - I don't know. - Before I could taste it, it got up and walked away.
ga950125 -- Be careful, Garfield. - That coffee is hot. - Thanks for the warning.
ga950126 -- One more sip of coffee would probably be a mistake. - - I know my caffeine.
ga950127 -- Jon says if I run fast, I can avoid exercise! - * - Waaaaaait a second.
ga950128 -- Look! I brought you a nice, juicy bone! - I'll leave it here, just out of your reach. - Enjoy!
ga950129 -- click click click - Reruns! click click click click - Yesterday's news... - Leftovers! - There's never anything NEW around here! - Run for your life! The plumbing backed up, and thousands of piranha are spawning in the toilet!! - AGAIN?!
ga950130 -- I'm reading about the pioneers. Like my crazy great-grandfather, Oslo. - He moved his family thousands of miles across uncharted territory. - They were very brave. "I hear a can opener," he kept saying.
ga950131 -- Jon, did you say I should, or should NOT stop bothering you? - GO AWAY! - Not until you answer my question.
ga950201 -- Oh, great. A new mouse hole. - plit - What's that? Standard lease agreement.
ga950202 -- I'm improving my mind. - You should try it sometime. Okay. - Now what can I do to improve Jon's mind?
ga950203 -- Beware Of The Old Dog - What are you going to do? Gum me? - That geezer's lethal with a cane.
ga950204 -- Ah, that was a great meal. - scrape scrape scrape scrape - By, golly, he's right.
ga950205 -- - - zwip WOOP! - zwippy zwippy WOAAAH WOOO! - YI YI YI YI - Whew! - SPLAT
ga950206 -- ? - tap tap tap -
ga950207 -- The Cat Channel presents everyone's favorite game show... - "Sleeping For Dollars!" - Z Z Z Z Z I love sports.
ga950208 -- Z - Z click - Eighteen hours, nine minutes. Roll me over. I can do better!
ga950209 -- I wish I were asleep. - You ARe asleep. - Then that explains that. Z
ga950210 -- I know what you want, Garfield. - I can read your mind. - You want food! Sure, and by the way, your car's on fire.
ga950211 -- For diner you are having some disgusting glop I made from who knows what. - - All right!
ga950212 -- - - SMACK - flink - snicker snicker - Z - I hate spiders.
ga950213 -- AARRRGH! - I have cat hair all over me! brush brush brush - Join the club.
ga950214 -- You're shedding. AM NOT! - - snip snip
ga950215 -- Well if this isn't "Mister Gluttony" - How are you, "Mister I Think I'll Eat Two Dozen Doughnuts In One Sitting"? - Taking a nap "Mister Stuff My Face Till I Pass Out"? Just don't call me "Mister Lardo".
ga950216 -- Garfield has a bad habit of. - How about this weather? - Interrupting me.
ga950217 -- - - Did it suddenly get stupider in here?
ga950218 -- - - I can't wait for spring.
ga950219 -- * - Hey, Odie. I'll be you and you be me! - pant pant pant - BARK! BARK! - GULP PUNT - Z I've been a dog only two minutes and I already have cats.
ga950220 -- What happened to all the aluminium foil? - - Disgiused as a leftover, Garfield? Shhhh! You'll spook the meatloaf!
ga950221 -- The Loch Ness cat surfaces. - He surveys his territory. - And spies a diet on the horizon.
ga950222 -- You have a bad attitude about this diet, Garfield. - To successfully diet, you have to want to diet. - It's hard to find a reason to diet when your wardrobe always fits.
ga950223 -- Jon's right! I'm going to approach this diet with a positive mental attitude! - With a smile on my face. - And a frown in my stomach.
ga950224 -- Don't eat those doughnuts! You're on a diet, Garfield! - I won't eat 'em, I'll swear! - I JUST WANT TO RUB THEM ALL OVER MY BODY!
ga950225 -- - AAARRGHH - So how did you do on your diet? Let's just say I won't be wearing bikini briefs to the beach anytime soon.
ga950226 -- - - STICK 'EM UP! - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Hee Hee Hee. - YAH HA HA HA HO HO HOOOO! pound pound YAHH HA HA HA HA - Hee hee hee hee...hoo boy...hee hee - Hee..* - GARFIELD!
ga950227 -- Garfield was real grumpy this morning. - So I sent him out for a nice walk... - Which seems to have done some good! I maimed three squirrels.
ga950228 -- Hello, fatso. - Hello, shredded shirt. -
ga950301 -- I've never been in better shape in my life! - *I* have! - I guess I topped him!
ga950302 -- You're lazy, Garfield. I happen to be conducting a scientific experiment, thank you. - Lazy, lazy. I'm testing the first law of physics... - Lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy! "Bodies at rest tend to stay at rest".
ga950303 -- Woof woof  Meow meow Blah-dee-blah-dee-dah - Hee hee hee hee hee - Small talk.
ga950304 -- I always like to make sure Odie and I have the exact same amount of food. - -
ga950305 -- Can we talk? - I'll tell you, Pooky, life's not fair. I'm forced to live with a dog who looks like a lemon with a tongue... - And an owner whose idea of a good time is taping his lips to a... * - Do you mind?! I was just confiding my teddy
ga950305 -- bear! - - - Did you see that? He treats me like an intruder around here, and furthermore...
ga950306 -- It's Power Pooky! Duh, duh, duh, duuuuuuuh! - Able to stave off loneliness in a single hug! - You don't need big muscles to be a super hero.
ga950307 -- - *SQUEEEEZE - You never hug ME like that. With all due respect, you're no teddy bear.
ga950308 -- Sigh - HUGGG - Thanks. No problem.
ga950309 -- How was your meal, Garfield? Fine, thanks. - And how about you, Pooky? Are you STUFFED? - I'm not even going to dignify that with a grin.
ga950310 -- That concludes tonight's program. - Next on "nature world"... - The bear...friend of man? Or vicious killer?
ga950311 -- What do you want to do today, Pooky? - PLOP - Not much with words, but what an idea man!
ga950312 -- - Come a little closer. Make me. - Make me make you. Make me make you make me. - Make me make you make me make you. Make me make you make me make you make me. - Make me make you make me make you make me make you. Make me make you make me
ga950312 -- make...um...ummm... - Wait a minute. I forgot what we were talking about. - Come a littler closer, and I'll tell you. Make me.
ga950313 -- All cats love to play in paper bags! Go on, try it! - - Am I having fun yet? SEE?!
ga950314 -- - I can wait, bird. - Sooner or later, you've gotta come out of there again.
ga950315 -- - TWIST -
ga950316 -- - Cream in your coffee, Garfield? - I'M SORRY! DID I OFFEND YOUR SENSE OF AESTHETICS?!
ga950317 -- Z - Click! Z - Hey! I was watching that!
ga950318 -- - ATTENTION! STEP AWAY FROM THE BURGER! STEP AWAY FROM THE BURGER! - WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP A BURGER Alarm! Ah-HA
ga950319 -- flippy flippy flippy flippy - flippy flippy flippy flippy - flippy flippy flippy flippy - flippy flippy flippy flippy - - - flippy flippy flippy flippy
ga950320 -- I'm calling the travel agency to plan our vacation. - Hello, Donna? Jon Arbuckle. I wanna go somewhere tropical and cheap...great! Book 'em Donna! - Pack your bags, ol' buddy. We are going to the island of Guano-Guano! Why is it I have the
ga950320 -- feeling this trip has a curse on it?
ga950321 -- Well, I'M ready to start our vacation. - Are you packed yet, Garfield? - All set.
ga950322 -- As usual, Garfield, I'm going to have to dress you up to take you on the airplane. - Well, I guess this outfit isn't so bad... - Considering...
ga950323 -- Where's Odie? I hop he's okay. - Relax, Jon. How much trouble could he get into on a plane?
ga950324 -- I wonder how you make these seats recline. - Maybe this little button does the trick. - Nope. That's not it.
ga950325 -- - The captain apologizes for the slight turbulence. - This also concludes the meal portion of your flight.
ga950326 -- - May I help you, sir? I'm fine, thanks. - * - Are you sure you don't need anything? Tell me... - Is it my cologne? My charm? My rugged good looks? What? - What are you talking about? Hey, admit it! You can't leave me alone. What's the story?
ga950326 -- - Okay, big boy, I'll tell you... - Your bratty kids keep pushing the call button. The Glurkons have invaded our space! Activate the deflector shields, officer Odie! Bing Bing Bing Bing
ga950327 -- Well, here we are in beautiful Guano-Guano, guys! - Look, a native! ALOHA, DUDE! - Aloha, this! Uh, must be an obscure Guano-Guano greeting. No, I think that's pretty universal.
ga950328 -- We'd like a room, please. - Sorry, we don't allow pets. - Very well, he'll sleep in the car.
ga950329 -- Hey, where's the bed in this room? - SLAM! - Here it is, Jon. ...Jon?
ga950330 -- Let's hit the beach! What the? - Natives here wear palm fronds, so I'm going to blend right in! - When in Rome, do as the Romans do! So this is dorkland.
ga950331 -- You going to a costume party? - I thought people from Guano-Guano wore palm fronds. Not since the investation of leaf weasels. - WOAH! HEY! WOAH! MUNCH CHOMP MUNCH Kind of sad, isn't it? Not ot mention indecent.
ga950401 -- Look, Garfield, a sheell. Jon. - If you put this on your ear, you can hear the ocean! Uh...Jon? - Isn't that the shell of the spiny screaming death crab?
ga950402 -- Guano-Guano TIKI HUT - Isn't this exciting? A real tropical restaurant! Ahem. - Uh, the only thing on the menu is "unguah". What's that? You don't want to know. - Not even a hint? Trust me. You don't want to know. - Okay, we'll take three
ga950402 -- orders. Excellent choice, sir. - Hey, this stuff isn't bad! - AN UNGUAH! STOMP! Check please.
ga950403 -- Springtime is here! Lock the door. - It's time for our traditional greeting! Oh no! - HELLO, MISTER SPRINGTIME!! This is the lowest point of the year.
ga950404 -- - SHOONK - Mow the lawn!
ga950405 -- Beware Of The Artistic Dog - Yeah, right. -
ga950406 -- - - That floor is pretty cold this morning, isn't it?
ga950407 -- Chapter one: "Encouraging your cat to exercise". - - Chapter two: "Meet mister Cattle Prod". I think I'll sleep in the car.
ga950408 -- TLOK TLOK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK - TLOK TLOK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK - Psst! Odie! Want some more peanut butter?
ga950409 -- - Ah, spring... - When a young cat's fancy... - Lightly turns to thoughts of... - ping! ZOOOM - - Daisies!
ga950410 -- People think I'm boring. - That's not entirely true, Jon. - Cats think you're boring, too.
ga950411 -- And now, to demonstrate dog's amazing tracking ability, here's Odie! - - Yo! Over here! This way!
ga950412 -- Help! The walls are closing in on me! - Oh...never mind. - Walk into a closet again? Smart guy.
ga950413 -- It's time for the weather! - But, there was no weather today! - Hey! This job is easy when you don't get out of your chair. Tell me about it.
ga950414 -- Jon's mother made him a new sweater. - And he looks great in it! - There doesn't seem to be an opening for my head. Like I said...
ga950415 -- Faithful Odie, always cheerful...so loving... - And faithful Garfield, always so...soo.. Yes? - There. Thank you! Thank you!
ga950416 -- - - - YAAAH! - Disgusting! - Vile! - And tha spider's ugly, too.
ga950417 -- - Cats are supposed to chase mice. - Fascinating! Tell me more about cats!
ga950418 -- Chase the mouse! - Jon, Jon, Jon... - How can I chase him if he isn't moving?
ga950419 -- Can you reach the mouse, Garfield? - No. - But I can reach his refrigerator!
ga950420 -- Jon, I'm circulating a petition asking that the mouse move out. - I might even sign it myself. - Yes, nature can be cruel.
ga950421 -- WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! - Uh, Garfield... WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! WAP! EEK! - Yes?
ga950422 -- - - C'mon, mouse...let go! Say "Pretty please with a cherry on top".
ga950423 -- - Well! - For once it's nice to see you on the job! - It's about time you earned your keep around here! - Keep up the good work! pat pat pat - - Got any threes? Go fish.
ga950424 -- - Lousy weather we're having. - Not if you don't get out of bed!
ga950425 -- Can you birds come out to play? - Sure! - Right after we finish eating these juicy worms! Never mind.
ga950426 -- Garfield... - Did you drop this bowling ball? - Me?
ga950427 -- BOOT! - - In case you were wondering, the paint's not dry yet.
ga950428 -- The news is too depressing. - So tonight I'll read a comic book instead! - Zombies from Venus are invading earth? - Film at eleven.
ga950429 -- Hmmm. Interesting lettuce. - - There's a phrase you don't hear every day.
 ga950430 -- - wrap wrap wrap wrap - YAWK spinnn - spinnnnnnn - spinnnnnn - *** - HURK! GARFIELD!
ga950501 -- I'm tired. - Not only can't I hold my eyes open... - I can barely hold someone else's eyes open.
ga950502 -- - - I'm hiding from Odie.
ga950503 -- Do not take the lid off this jar! - - I took the jar off the lid!
ga950504 -- How have I been? I'm fine, thank me. - Well, I look good. Thank me for saying so. - Tell me, what have I been up to? I hate it when his guests don't show up.
ga950505 -- I'm in a playful mood. - And when I'm in a playful mood, that can mean only one thing! - Chess by mail! Do you feel that? That's electricity in the air!
ga950506 -- Yawn - Oooooo - YAWN Show-off.
ga950507 -- - - pick - - -
ga950508 -- There are your global disasters... - There are your national emergencies... - And then there's Jon. Well, I was flossing, and...
ga950509 -- I can't sleep. - Here it is, 3 A.M., and I'm still wide awake. - You can't possibly realize how annoying that is.
ga950510 -- Marcia, if you're not busy tonight... - I'd like to treat you to a movie. - Well, I was thinking of going too... There's always a catch.
ga950511 -- You are fat, Garfield! - No I'm not! - Your stomach is snowcapped. I was standing too close to the freezer, okay?!
ga950512 -- Z - I feel safer when he's asleep. - BONK! Z
ga950513 -- I put a bell around Garfield's neck. - Now I'll be able to tell where he is. - Ha! Ha!
ga950514 -- BRRRIIINNNGG!!! - - Razor. - scrape scrape scrape - Comb. - - BZZZZZZZZ This going to be even funnier when he wakes up.
ga950515 -- Did you know that spiders aren't insect? - WHAM! - Funny, they squish like insects.
ga950516 -- - - Now THAT'S a strong cup of coffee.
ga950517 -- smack! - SMACK! - Hey! What happened to "The Far Side"?
ga950518 -- Geronimo! - - I'm not getting enough sleep.
ga950519 -- - - tappity tappity tappity
ga950520 -- * lap lap lap lap - lap lap lap - burrrrp
ga950521 -- - tappy tappy tappy tappy tappy tappy - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - SPLOT SPLUT! SPLUT SPLOT! - Never follow a dog act.
ga950522 -- Dog: man's best friend. - Man: dog's best friend. - YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER!
ga950523 -- The National Nonviolent Network... - proudly presents... - "Balloon Toss at The O.K. Corral". I can't watch!
ga950524 -- Garfield, see wht this tastes like. - Tastes like an old hyena! - It's old hyena. Then why don't I feel like laughing?
ga950525 -- Ah! Snack food! - Potato chips and sparrows! - What have you got there? Potato chips and stuff.
ga950526 -- Z - OGGGG YESSS, IT'S A BEEEAUTIFUL MORNING!! - That's one bubble I can't wait to burst.
ga950527 -- Do you ever feel like you just have to get up and get out? - Happened last week. - I sat on a ferret.
ga950528 -- Z - - - - Z -
ga950529 -- Greetings, folks! I...um...um... - Never hire a dog as a cue card boy. -
ga950530 -- TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - BONK! - I want that usher's name!
ga950531 -- A funny thing happened on the way to the fence tonight. I walked up to this chihuahua and asked him for five bucks. - He said, "Sorry, I'm a little short right now"! - No, I kid chihuahuas! Seriously, they're a beautiful breed of rat, I mean
ga950531 -- dog! But I wanna tell you...
ga950601 -- I know why you people don't get my jokes! You're not hip! You're too old! - Why don't you all go home? Isn't it past your bedtime?! - KONK!
ga950602 -- Maestro, if you please... - ** Ahem...in my key, please. - ** Thank you.
ga950603 -- You wouldn't hit a cat with glasses, would you? - SPLAT! SPLUT SPLIT SPLOT SPLAT SPLOT SPLOT SPLUT! -
ga950604 -- - Hey, guys! Look at the chicks! - I have just the thing to impress them. - In-line skates! - Get ready to meet your destiny...let's GO!!! - YAAAAAAaaaaaaaaahh I think it was the "destiny" line that should have tipped me off.
ga950605 -- Poor Jon, sitting there so peacefully. - I really should stop harassing him. - But first I have to get rid of this brick.
ga950606 -- - SHOOM! -
ga950607 -- YAWN - YAWN - We do our own stunts.
ga950608 -- To keep Garfield from taking cookies, I have installed a surveillance camera. - - Hey! Where's my camera?! Stole it. Sold it. Bought more cookies.
ga950609 -- I'm a talking bird! - And you are a fat. ugly cat! - Who is no longer hungry.
ga950610 -- Coming up next... - Advanced drape clawing techniques. - Educational T.V.!
ga950611 -- Yawn. Yawn. - Good night, Garfield. click Good night, Jon. click - zzzZZSNOORE - click SNOORRRRE - click SNOOOORE - HARK!-KAFF! KAFF! GASP! SNORT! SNORT! SNAAAARK! - GAHHHHEEE!!! Oh. pipe down and gimme your pillow.
ga950612 -- - OH, NO! - My birthday is right around the corner!
ga950613 -- How does it feel to be turning 17, Garfield? Great! - I'm learning something new every day! - And forgetting two old things.
ga950614 -- I'm not aging, I'm maturing. - - Okay, so I'm aging.
ga950615 -- If you tell me how old you're going to be next week, I promise not to laugh. - Seventeen. - I would have preferred the laugh.
ga950616 -- There are lots of advantaged to growing older! There's, uh... - -
ga950617 -- Well! How nice! - A birthday card. - Thanks. Sa' right.
ga950618 -- Who, me? - - AH CHOO! - HA! - - - POO! - Thank goodness!
ga950619 -- WOOOOOSH - - Happy 17th. Practice! That was practice!
ga950620 -- Z - Wow. Z - He got out of bed today. Z
ga950621 -- - It would be nice to see you two cooperating. - I guess I asked for it.
ga950622 -- Do not damage the new couch! Okay! - CRASH! BAM! SMASH! - Destroyed everything BUT the couch, right? Everything.
ga950623 -- Beware Of The Dog - And His Little Fiend - Mr. Wolverine That does it.
ga950624 -- They put a proverb under each yearbook picture. - Euphemia Hinkle: ! A penny saved is a penny earned". - Jon Arbuckle: "A fool and his money are soon parted".
ga950625 -- - - sniffff - ! - * - - WHAP!
ga950626 -- Reserved - - I'm a regular here.
ga950627 -- I might as well relax till I get rescued from this tree. Cats always get rescued. - - Buuuuut, what do I know?
ga950628 -- Windy today. - SCHWAP! - "Gemini: today you will reach new heights".
ga950629 -- Here comes the fire department! - I'm saved! - SQIRRRRT
ga950630 -- Stuck up in a tree again. - WHY do I stupid things like this?! - And that.
ga950701 -- It's Jon! I'm saved! - B-D-D-D-D-D - My hero.
ga950702 -- Dinner! - ZIP - - SPLOP! - GARFIELD! CHOMP SLURP NARF NARF MUNCH SMACK CHOMP - You pig! Where are your manners?! Forgive me. - NARF NARF CHOMP SLURP MUNCH CHOMP
ga950703 -- Today's the day we start a new roll of paper towels! - Hey, pal. Are you okay? Oh, I don't know, Jon. I so looked forward to this, and now that it's here, I guess I'm suffering from post-paper towel depressin... Heeey, are you picking on me?
ga950704 -- It wouldn't hurt you to go out and get a little sun! - I'll go out. - But I refuse to get any sun!
ga950705 -- I'm going to show the world I'm not lazy! - - If SOMEONE would please open the door for me. tap tap tap
ga950706 -- Lasagna, Garfield? I'd die for this guy. - It's low calorie. GULP - And one-third the fat. Then bring me two more, dip wad.
ga950707 -- Tonight the National Cat Channel presents... - An unwanted dog's tragic journey... - "Old drooler meets the electric fence". I should be taping this.
ga950708 -- Here, Odie! Here, Odie! - Garfield, is Odie outside? Mostly. -
ga950709 -- YAWN - - - click - - SMACK - click
ga950710 -- Everything around here is mine, mine, mine! - - Make me an offer.
ga950711 -- Everything is gray and dull. - - I just realized I haven't dusted in 17 years. Aha.
ga950712 -- Is that the best you can do? Belly to the ground! - LOAF, mister! LOAF! - I'm Odie's trainer.
ga950713 -- Sigh... - Today is 2.3% more than yesterday. - I have a great deal of experience in this area.
ga950714 -- - Come on, Garfield! There's a big, wonderful world out there! - I prefer my small, crummy world, thank you.
ga950715 -- It's the weekend, and you know what that means... - Two words, Garfield... - "Board Games". Whoa! My fun meter is a-jumpin' off the scale!
ga950716 -- Sigh. - Fishing is slow today, boys. Watch and learn. - Look at the big red worm! - Fish love corn. - And hate having faces made at them. - And they REALLY hate the polka. And I hate fishing in a comic strip.
ga950717 -- My uncle Ed was big on etiquette. - "Never belch out loud," he always said. - Then one day he blew out an eyeball.
ga950718 -- BOOT! - - Don't tell me...you're doing something different with your hair, right?
ga950719 -- I wonder if I'm just too sophisticated for my own good. - Excellent question. - Let's ask your bunny slippers what they think.
ga950720 -- Garfield! Dinner! - THHHHHHUUCK!! - What took you so long? It's a hot day, and that was a vinyl armchair.
ga950721 -- Nothing unpleasant has happened all day. - SPLUT! - All you had to do was ask.
ga950722 -- - STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! - Weirdo.
ga950723 -- SPROING TWANG THOT! - SPROING TWANG THOT! - SPROING TWANG THOT! - SPROING TWANG - THOT - Pull! GARFIELD!!
ga950724 -- Suzy the canary, missing october '78... - Spanky the goldfish, missing november `81. - Raymond the poisonous toad... Raymond I remember.
ga950725 -- Say "when". - - That was the last bag. In that case, "when".
ga950726 -- - - You blinked.
ga950727 -- Look, Garfield, an empty box! - You can hide i it, play in it... - Or empty the refrigerator. I need wheels.
ga950728 -- Garfield, it's the middle of the night! - What are you doing?! - And what's that smell? Barbecuing an owl.
ga950729 -- I'm making a little sandwich. - - Hey you! Yeah you across the street! Get away from my pastrami!
ga950730 -- Ahem. - Excuse me, I'm wearing an accordian... - Women are attracted to musicians, so I... Don't tell me. - Thi is that show where they play practical jokes, right? - The cat's a hidden camera, right? - I'm on television right now! We're
ga950730 -- drawing a crowd. - Perhaps if I played something. Hi, mom!
ga950731 -- Tonight's movie contains material of a graphic nature. - Viewer discretion is advised. - -
ga950801 -- BEWARE OF DOG - BEWARE OF CAT -
ga950802 -- - New haircut. - New shocked expression.
ga950803 -- Odie, is it true you're too stupid to know when you're insulted? - - I love that dog.
ga950804 -- Go away. Make me. - - Okey! Stay here! - See ya.
ga950805 -- chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp - chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp AWWWK! - I wasn't hungry. I just wanted to shut him up.
ga950806 -- ** RIIINNG! - ** RIIINNG - RIIINNG - Hello, Mr. Arbuckle? This is Liz, your pet's veterinarian. - I'm just calling to confirm the appointment for your cat's booster shot... - PANT PANT PANT PANT - The shot will be worth it just to see him try
ga950806 -- and explain that.
ga950807 -- Today I'm going to share with others! - - As soon as I find others with things I want.
ga950808 -- Today is Odie's birthday, not that you care! - Hey! I care! - There's a cake here somewhere, right?
ga950809 -- Great to see you, Odie! - - CRAASH! Wagged himself off the table.
ga950810 -- HellOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! - click - Don't claw my leg when I'm on the phone! Then when should I claw it?
ga950811 -- Garfield! Get in here! - squeak squeak squeak squeak - Let's talk LAZY Let's.
ga950812 -- * Oh, no! It's that daisy-stomping cat! - ** And there's nowhere to hide! -
ga950813 -- - Hi there. - Hey, you're a nurse! - Small world. Oh, are you a nurse? - No, but I had an appendectomy once. - Wanna see my scar? Sure. - Feast your eyes on this! And the plot thickens.
ga950814 -- CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP Thank you for that wonderful ovation! - CLAP CLAP YAAAY! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP BRAVO CLAP CLAP CLAP - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
ga950815 -- - schlurp - boing boing boinb
ga950816 -- skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter clomp - skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter skitter clomp - peg leg.
ga950817 -- - click - yeeeeooow!!!!
ga950818 -- - FORE! WHOCK! -
ga950819 -- - - Spider pushups.
ga950820 -- Bedtime? Bedtime. - - tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck - tuck tuck tuck pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat - fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff - Z
ga950821 -- You like to be the center of attention, don't you? - - No, I don't!
ga950822 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Now you try it. - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! New guy.
ga950823 -- Do-nothing contest! - You win. - Ha! I win!
ga950824 -- So I jump into the pool. - Suddenly people are yelling, "rat in the pool!" - I was so embarrassed! There are some places where you just can't wear a chest toupee.
ga950825 -- - PLOP! - Watching another cooking show, Garfield? I'm emotinally drained.
ga950826 -- We're out of ketchup. - How did that happen? - I have no idea.
ga950827 -- Z - Z - Z - Z - ** DINGLE DINGLE -
ga950828 -- Boys, it's a beautiful day! Why don't we drive out to the beach? - - Besides, the TV is broken. Surf's up!
ga950829 -- Well, I guess I'll get undressed. - ZIP I planned ahead and wore my swimming trunks under my pants. - EEEK! YAAAHH! SHRIEEEK! Gee, nobody can wear a pastrami on rye the way you can, Jon.
ga950830 -- Garfield! Odie! - C'mon now...I don't look that bad... - Do I?
ga950831 -- C'mon, Garfield! Let's play with the beach ball! - C'mon, it'll be fun! Let's play! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! - Hey, that WAS fun!
ga950901 -- What was it that I liked about the beach so much? - Oh, yeah...I remember. - Absolutely nothing.
ga950902 -- Say, how about you and me doing some boogieboarding? - ssssssssss - A simple "no" would have sufficed! Poor Rusty.
ga950903 -- - - YAWN - YAWN - YAWN - yawn -
ga950904 -- Z - Z- - Some days you gotta work for it, and some days it walks right up to you.
ga950905 -- Bad day at the beach, Garfield. I warned you about going outside. - I met the worst bully ever. Yeah? - He made me throw sand in my face. sounds like one bad dude.
ga950906 -- tap tap - SHRIEEK! - WHAT?! Are you over that sunburn yet?
ga950907 -- I awoke to songbirds outside my window, Garfield. - Serenading me with sweet song. - Welcoming the morning. Tomorrow we should be able to sleep in...
ga950908 -- Jon wanted to mow the lawn. - I wanted to sleep. - We reached an agreement.
ga950909 -- I shouldn't kick Odie. BOOT! - CRASH! I really shouldn't. - You shouldn't eat all the ice cream. I really shouldn't.
ga950910 -- Z - YAWN - I hate mondays. Mondays are boring, woe is me... scratch scratch - Get the paper, Garfield. Sigh...yes master. - - It's sunday!
ga950911 -- Watch me fool Jon. - Hello, sir. I'm a pleasant cat! - Where's Garfield? I'm good.
ga950912 -- Beware of Dog - - So, scare me. I hate that sign.
ga950913 -- click click click click - Nothing good on. - Dogs are stupid. Hold on.
ga950914 -- That's odd. - I'm having trouble getting a date. - Shut up! I made one little gagging noise.
ga950915 -- - Hey, what happened to the other curtain? We'll look for it after the luau, Bwana.
ga950916 -- ARRRGGHHH! - THIS DOES NOT WORK! - NOW I'M SITTING IN THE GLUE!! So much for model building.
ga950917 -- Hmmmm - I haven't purred in a long time. - Cats only purr when they're happy and content... - Does this mean that I'm not happy anyomre? This is awful! - I'm so depressed. - BOOT! - Purrrrrrrrr *
ga950918 -- Super Pooky spies a party on the horizon! - BANZAI! SPLOOSH - Where are you going? To suck punch out of my bear.
ga950919 -- - -
ga950920 -- SQUEEZE - May I have a hug like that? -
ga950921 -- Sometimes, I think you love that teddy bear more than you love me. - He, hey, don't be so down on yourself. - As long as you can open that can opener, you have a special place in my heart. pat pat
ga950922 -- Z - Z - Z
ga950923 -- Pooky, you're my only fried. - You're the only one who understands me. - You're the only one I don't have to share food with.
ga950924 -- - CRACK-POP! - One, two, one, two, one, two... - - Remember, it's important to stretch and warm up... - Before engaging in any strenuous activity. - click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click
ga950924 -- click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click
ga950925 -- I'm ignoring Jon. - - You're not supposed to like it!
ga950926 -- You can tell a lot by observing people, Garfield. - Take Mrs. Feenie for example. - She seems stressed. He has a bat caught in her hairnet.
ga950927 -- EEEERRRRRGGHHHH - NNNNGGGGHHHHH - Hey! Pickles! Help yourself. I'm too tired to eat.
ga950928 -- There are a few things about you that could use improvement. - - When did Jon start talking to himself?
ga950929 -- Like my new suit, Garfield? Define "like". - I have a special date tonight. Define "special". - She loves how I dress. He's dating a clown!
ga950930 -- - - There's something wrong with the freezer. And we're out of ice.
ga951001 -- - Call the rescue squad! - Jon! It's Odie! - He's trapped up a tree! - He can't get down! - - Odie appears to be tied to that branch. Do you suppose the rescue squad could pick up a pizza on the way over?
ga951002 -- Oh boy, here it comes! - ** I love a parade! * - Look mommy, a marching band! I hate you.
ga951003 -- Garfield, when you and your stomach won't fit through the door, what should you do? - Make the doorway wider? - Lose weight! Remodeling would be easier.
ga951004 -- The weight is eight ounces. - - You have gained one pound. Life's not fair.
ga951005 -- Garfield, I'm back! - - And you're back on a diet. Rats.
ga951006 -- Garfield is going to lose some weight. Hey! - He's on a sure-fire diet. Yo. - The "too-fat-to-reach-food" diet. How about a hand here?
ga951007 -- GEEZ You're fat! - "Geez you're fat"?! Is that ALL you have to say?! No. - Your feet stink, too.
ga951008 -- Garfield! - Dinner! - - CRUCH - MUNCH MUNCH - snif - WAAHH!
ga951009 -- So, how goes the diet? - WOAH! - I guess THAT answers my question.
ga951010 -- Remember, Garfield, if you cheat on your diet... - You're only hurting yourself! - Ouch!
ga951011 -- Hold it right there! You KNOW what's going to happen... - You're going to step on. I'll tell you youre fat. Then you'll loose your temper and stomp me flat. - Well, shall we get started? Hop on, tubby.
ga951012 -- Garfield, I want to congratulate you on sticking to your diet. - - Mustard.
ga951013 -- This diet is driving me nuts! I've got to stop thinking about food! DING-DONG ** - Cookie Cookies Cookie - EEEYAAHHH!! EEK!
ga951014 -- Cat, let's make a deal... - From now on we'll be nice to each other, agreed? Agreed. - OK. Now...slowly put the bowling ball down. It's an uneasy truce.
ga951015 -- - SLURRP - AAAHHHHH - SLURRRRRRRRP AHHHHHH - SLURR GARFIELD!! - Do you realize what an annoying habit that is?! - Yes.
ga951016 -- I flirted with a pretty girl today, Garfield. - Our eyes met. She smiled sweetly. - Then her boyfriend made me eat my socks. You'll always have the moment.
ga951017 -- What happened to the leftover meatloaf? It's no longer with us. - Burp. - I stand corrected.
ga951018 -- BARK! BARK! Nice collar. - Do you really like it? - I mean... BARK! BARK! BARK!
ga951019 -- Hi, Jon. - What's with the feathers? - Leftovers.
ga951020 -- I'm on my way to a party! - - To put a stop to it, no doubt.
ga951021 -- I know what you need, Garfield. - You need to be reassured of my affection. - You need a pat on the head. I need to know if I'm in your will.
ga951022 -- The fence for two please. - Right this way, my dear. - What's going on here?! You promised me a show and a dinner! - Yes, I did. - Here's your show. tappity tappity tappity tappity - SPLUT! - And here's your dinner.
ga951023 -- Do you know what I saw in the living room last night? - A mouse! And do you know what that means?! - Somebody's not doing his job! Am I really needed in this conversation?
ga951024 -- YOU are a cat! - THAT is a mouse! - Pleased to meet you. SLAP!
ga951025 -- YANK! - GARFIELD! Hee hee hee. - So I suppose you're going to blame the cat.
ga951026 -- Nature compels me to chase that mouse. - - Taxi!
ga951027 -- - - This has gone too far!
ga951028 -- This mouse call drives 'em nuts. - - It sounds like swiss cheese aging.
ga951029 -- blah blah blah blah - We'll be right back after this message. - - ZOOOM!! - - SHOOOM! - And now back to our show.
ga951030 -- The moon is full, and an eerie creaking is heard as a coffin lid slowly opens...as.. - COUNT CAT once again stalks the night! - GARFIELD! BRING MY BATH TOWEL BACK!
ga951031 -- Count Cat steals through the inky night... - Searching for a fresh neck to bite... - Or maybe a nice tongue.
ga951101 -- Count Cannie! How good to see you again! - Come, we must dine together. - I'll split a neck with you.
ga951102 -- Count Cat's ghastly reign of terror continues! - -
ga951103 -- It's midnight. - Dark and stormy. - And I'll bet there's a full moon. Where do you keep the livestock?
ga951104 -- Do not resist me! - There's no such thing as a vampire cat! - It's just as well. Cakes don't have necks anyway.
ga951105 -- Hmmmm... - It's that time of night. - Time to sneak out to the fridge for a midnight snack. SNEAK SNEAK -  SNEAK SNEAK SNEAK - CLICK - - AAARRRRGGHHHH!!
ga951106 -- Hee hee hee - What are you plotting, Garfield? I'm not plotting anything. - I already did it.
ga951107 -- - Why don't you two cheer up? - Much better.
ga951108 -- "Look, Suzy, here comes Mister Mailman." - That reminds me, I have to check the traps. - " MISTEr MAILMAN IS OUR FRIEND, SAID SUZY!" - Keep reading.
ga951109 -- - I'm practicing looking innocent. - Garfield, would you happen to know who emptied the refrigerator? With a face like this?
ga951110 -- I remember the glory days of my youth. - Saturday nights cruising the main drag... - 'course I had to have the tractor back by ten. Sigh.
ga951111 -- I have a new, positive outlook on life! - - Which is no doubt doomed to failure.
ga951112 -- - - - - - - -
ga951113 -- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! clap clap clap clap BOO! - Hey! Why are you booing? I haven't even started yet! - I caught the matinee.
ga951114 -- Please, just for once, no booing tonight, okay? - Okay. - Thenk you. - HISS HISS HISS HISSSS HISS HISSS
ga951115 -- blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah - Hey, I'm trying to do a show here! Would you two mind paying attention?! Sure. Sorry. - BOO! BOO!
ga951116 -- Your act stinks! There's that heckler again. - Look, buddy, just once, can't you find something nice to say? - That's a really well-built fence!
ga951117 -- Thank you for your applause! - I SAID, THANK YOU FOR YOUR APPLAUSE! - clap clap Thank you! Thank you! Whoa! Too much! You're too kind, really! Thank you!
ga951118 -- There will now be a fifteen-minute intermission. For me to towel off. - And for you to reload.
ga951119 -- DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP -twist twist twiiiiist DRIP DRIP DRIP - DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - Z DRIP DRIP DRIP - Z DRIP DRIP DRIP DRIP - Z
ga951120 -- Can life get any better than this? - - If so, keep it for yourself.
ga951121 -- - SIP - Whoa! Give ME some of that!
ga951122 -- I'm having an identity crisis. - Moo. - Just kidding! Are you sure? We're out of milk.
ga951123 -- Get the cat...blah, blah, blah. - Help, help...and so on. - I think the magic has gone out of our relationship.
ga951124 -- He look! A flea collar! Ha ha ha haaa!Hey, cat! We spit on your flea collar! Yeah! Ptooey! Ptooey! Ptooey! - We dance on your flea collar! Yee ha! Yeees, it's time to replace the ol' flea collar.
ga951125 -- It's a small world. - - Compared to Garfield. Shaddup.
ga951126 -- - YIPE! - - - SMACK - Big spiders require sunday editions. YAAHHH!
ga951127 -- Wow - Nature is a wondrous thing, isn't it, Garfield? Uh-huh. - WHACK!
ga951128 -- - - TWANG! SMACK!
ga951129 -- You'll be happy to knowI've decided to be kinder to my animal friends. - Really? Really. - Hey, fatty-fatty-fatso! Fat-fat-fat! Tubby, tubby tub-o-lard, fat fat, fat! He's gonna squash good.
ga951130 -- Who are you? I'm the ghost of the spider you squashed yesterday! - SMACK! -
ga951201 -- Today is phony smile day! - Hey, mister! - Isn't that a REAM smile? Cheater.
ga951202 -- The milk has gone bad. - "How do I know?" you ask? - The fact that it's sitting there without a glass is a clue.
ga951203 -- - - - - - CRASH! - Hee hee hee hee hee Dogs.
ga951204 -- Only an idiot would enjoy a monday. - - Thank your for the visual aid, Odie!
ga951205 -- Bees! - - The old "honey.in-the-shampoo" gag.
ga951206 -- Hmmm, the birds are gone. - Or they're getting sneakiner. - Clear to surface, cap'n.
ga951207 -- - - Christmas is coming!
ga951208 -- - - roll roll roll Toilet paper? Christmas list.
ga951209 -- * RINNNG! Z - It's officially the start of the Christmas season! - I just had my first sugarplum dream!
ga951210 -- - THUMP! - THUMP! THUMP! - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - SPLOT - GARFIELD!
ga951211 -- Jon, guess what I found! - It's a Christmas starter kit! - All you add is the tree.
ga951212 -- There are so many nice tree to choose from. - I can't decide which one I like... Neither can Odie. - He likes them all.
ga951213 -- One...two...three...PULL! - MAybe I should have pulled it through the door the other way. - Gee, you think so, Einstein?
ga951214 -- I don't know. The tree still doesn't look straight to me. - What do you think? - It all depends on how you look at it.
ga951215 -- * DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY, FA-LA-LAH-LAH-LAH, LA-LA-LA-LAAAAHHH... - ** FAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LA-LA-LA-LAAHH, FAH-FAH-FAH-LA-LA-LA-LA-FAH-LA-LA-LA-LAAAAHH!! - Once you start Fah-lah-lah-ing, it's hard to know when to stop.
ga951216 -- - - GARFIELD!!
ga951217 -- tap tap tap - - DONK - WHOA! YOING - - Well, don't just stand there...do something! - SEE...The Living Lawn Decoration Oooooo World's Only Human Ornament Ooooo What kind of statement are you trying to make, Mr. Arbuckle? That I hat emy cat!
ga951217 -- Well ho ho ho to you, too.
ga951218 -- - - No, I haven't bought your Christmas present yet. Not that I'm pressing.
ga951219 -- "Merry Christmas to you, son". - Most mothers just slip a few dollars into their children's Christmas cards. - Jon's mom slips in a baked ham.
ga951220 -- Baking is a Christmas tradition. - There are chistmas cookies, cakes, pies, fudge, candies... - What happened to you? I'm keeping a tradition alive.
ga951221 -- shake shake shake Hmmm - Hmmm shake shake shake - Hmmm
ga951222 -- ** - Thanks. Urf. Laugh if you want, but he bakes the best Christmas cookies in town. munch munch
ga951223 -- Hey, you! Only ONE candy cane! - Give me those back! Hey! Ow! Those are claws! - OW! OW! YAAAHH! GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM OFF ME! Your Picture With Santa.
ga951224 -- Okay, let's see... - "Landing Lights" are on... - Stockings are hung...milk and cookies are out...what have I forgotten? - Oh, yeah! SNAP! - -
ga951225 -- 364 days out of the year I can't pry the boys out of bed with a crowbar. - - Christmas morning, however...
ga951226 -- It's not fair. You wait and wait and wait for Christmas to come... - Then, suddenly, it's gone. - Sort of like a really good sneeze.
ga951227 -- Where's my spinning bow tie?! - My rubber chicken! Have you seen my rubber chicken and my air horn?! - New year's eve always seems to sneak up on him. Do we have a goat?
ga951228 -- - * FWEEEEEEP - Garfield! New year's eve isn't for three days yet! Practice makes perfect.
ga951229 -- Let's see, what should I wear to the new year's party...polka dots, plaid or stripes? - Hmmm...definitaly the polka dots. -
ga951230 -- It's almost new year, Garfield, and you know what THAT means... - We get to hang up a NEW calendar! - Not since the heady days of the sock drawer reorganization has this household witnessed such excitement.
ga951231 -- - You know, Garfield... - With a new year up to us, it's good to sit and reflect. - To talk of what was, and what can be. Just you and me, pal. - Do you hear what I'm saying? - Yeah, you're saying we didn't get invited to a new year's party!
ga960101 -- HAPPY NEW- - SPLUT! - Monday.
ga960102 -- This is a brand-new year, Garfield! A perfectly clean slate! - - GARFIELD! Smudge number one.
ga960103 -- - - YUK! Good one, Odie.
ga960104 -- Beware Of The Dog - Let's talk about moderation in all things... - YAAAAAHHH!
ga960105 -- I'm going to get that girl over there to notice me. - - Is she looking? For somethig to throw.
ga960106 -- I can't think of anything to do. - That's pretty ambitious, Jon. - I can't think of a reason to think of anything to do.
ga960107 -- Here it is! - The first snowflake of winter! - - - -
ga960108 -- knockitty knockitty tap tap - That's gotta be the cutest knock I've ever. tappy tappy knocky knocky tippy tippy tap -
ga960109 -- Nermal...long time no see. Yup. - Di you miss me? - Does a toe mitt a hangnail? I missed you too.
ga960110 -- Nermal! - Why, you look cuter than ever! Cootchie-cootchie-wootchie! Woobie-woobie-woobie! - What are you doing? I'm gonna need the bag.
ga960111 -- Staying cute like this is hard work, you know. DO tell. - Why, I eve nhave a personal cuteness trainer! - He makes me do fifty sets of "eyelash bats" every day. - The slave driver.
ga960112 -- Nermal, do you ever have a day when you just aren't cute? - Oh, sure, it happens to the best of us. What do you do? - I call in ugly.
ga960113 -- Yep, I've eaten a lot of birds in my time. Really? - Went to the nort pole once and ate a penguin. Wow! - Went back in time and ate a pterodactyl, too. Hey! Wait a minute!
ga960114 -- - - - - - - GO TO BED!
ga960115 -- It's a beautiful morning. - - Depends on where you're sitting.
ga960116 -- Garfield, I'm coming in now! Boy, am I in trouble. - You'd better not be in my chair! I'm scared. - I'm coming in now! Wake me after the beating.
ga960117 -- - Garfield, I think you're a bad influence on Odie. - Prove it. Meow.
ga960118 -- Just look at that beautiful day out there! - Okay. - Now what?
ga960119 -- A lack of communication...there's the problem, Garfield. - THUMP THUMP We must reach out to touch others. - We must speak freely to our fellow man... You just ran over a mime.
ga960120 -- BARK BARK SLUCK - I can only imagine how thirsty all that barking must make you. - WAAAH! SLUUUUUUCK
ga960121 -- - - - - - - Now you know what it feels like to be the last doughnut.
ga960122 -- When will I EVER learn not to climb trees? - When will I ever, EVER learn? - Not today, THAT'S for darn sure.
ga960123 -- I wonder why I do this...is it because I crave attention?... - Or is it just because I'm stupid? - Hey everybody? Look at the stupid cat! ...or both.
ga960124 -- Hey, cat! Mind if I take your picture? A reporter! - It'll make a great human interest story for my paper! Call it what it is, pal... "cheap sensationalism"! - FLASH!
ga960125 -- Stuck in a stupid tree. - It couldn't possibly get any worse. - Good grief!
ga960126 -- Uh-ho. It's getting dark. - FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! FLAP! - You new in town?
ga960127 -- Hang on, Garfield! I'm coming! - Gee, this branch isn't very -
ga960128 -- sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff - ? -
ga960129 -- Would you say you're a loyal pet, Garfield? Hold on. - Yes, we have plenty of food. - Yes, I am a loyal pet.
ga960130 -- I'm having a bad day. - - I hate you. When I have a bad day, everybody has a bad day.
ga960131 -- Sleep peacefully, ODie. - Don't even THINK about vampires... -
ga960201 -- Garfield, my fish is gone! - And there's a potato in the fishbowl! - You must think I'm stupid1 He's been feeding that potato for two weeks.
ga960202 -- Jenny, this is Jon. Wanna go gout tonight? - She put me on hold. - Denial is an ugly thing.
ga960203 -- It's not easy being hip, Garfield. - Clothes are expensive. - Hey, dork! Nice bow tie! And then there's the jealousy.
ga960204 -- SIGH... - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - And in the news today... - You need to lose some weight. - - - wiggle wiggle wiggle - SIGH
ga960205 -- Okay, Garfield, this going to be a no-holds-barred snowball fight. - There are no rules...agreed? - SPLUT! Agreed.
ga960206 -- pat pat pat - There! -
ga960207 -- Okay Garfield, I'm all set! Prepare to... - - No fair using a snow blower! I prefer to call it "superior firepower".
ga960208 -- - tap tap -
ga960209 -- zing! - HA! Missed. -
ga960210 -- Truce, Garfield! Let's call a truce! - You know what a truce is, don't you? - A truce is a mutual...
ga960211 -- - pat pat pat - - - - -
ga960212 -- You couldn't be lazier if you tried! - - You don't TRY to be lazy, Mr. Expert!
ga960213 -- Nice hat. - Hat? - You must be referring to my ham holder.
ga960214 -- GARFIELD! - Suppose someone else wanted some of that cake? - Duh! ...that's why I ate it so fast.
ga960215 -- Lassie, come home! - Make me. - The true story.
ga960216 -- It's friday night, Garfield. - This weekend I'm going to let it all hang out. - I'm going to play the accordion wit hmy feet! Let's talk quality of life here.
ga960217 -- I resolve to be more decisive! - - Have you decided what you wanted for dinner last night?
ga960218 -- - - - - -
ga960219 -- Only one cookie left. - Do you know wht that means? That I get to eat it? - That YOU ate all the others! Oh, well. That too.
ga960220 -- One last cookie. - One last rock-hard, bottom-of-the-pile, ten-week-old, stale, crusty cookie. - You're going to take it, aren't you? Indeedy-do.
ga960221 -- If you take that last cookie, I'll be very sad. - - pat pat there, there.
ga960222 -- The last cookie. - You know you could be a real great guy and let ME eat that. - Or, you could be a cat.
ga960223 -- Once, just ONCE I'd like to get the last cookie! - Why, thank you! - Sucker.
ga960224 -- One last cookie. - I swa it first. - You also saw it last.
ga960225 -- - - BONK! - - - - SPLAT!
ga960226 -- Want something from the store, Garfield? - A rubber mouse? A ball of yarn? - ...a satellite dish? A blue one!
ga960227 -- Uh-oh. I was touching my toes, and my back gave out. - Do something, Garfield! -
ga960228 -- Ow! I cut myself! - Ouch! I burned my finger! - I think I'll order a pizza. "Cooking for Klutzes".
ga960229 -- Garfield, may I have a word with you? - Can you explain this? This is a wild guess, but I'd say you're on the phone. - Have you been playing with the glue again? WHOA! You gotta show me how you do that!
ga960301 -- Garfield, meet Darla. Hi, I'm Darla. - Finally, my intellectual equal. - Hi, I'm Darla. Don't flatter yourself, Jon.
ga960302 -- People ask me why I play the accordion. - Know what I say? - Because I was born to boogie! He was abandoned as an infant and raised by nerds.
ga960303 -- - click - Jon! This is Harold, your rare and expensive talking parrot! - The cat is stalking me! - I'm making this tape to...NOOOOoooo! - AIEEEE! - GARFIELD! Burp!
ga960304 -- Garfield, I just saw a mouse! - It's in the kitchen! - It's pushing a tiny shopping cart! Is this going to involve getting up?
ga960305 -- - How come I just saw a mouse running across this table?! Normally you wouldn't. - But Fat Eddie's pretty slow.
ga960306 -- There are mice running all over this house, and there you lie! - ...and you call yourself a cat! - Moo.
ga960307 -- This mouse will die! - Which stands to reason. - I mean, he's not getting any younger.
ga960308 -- Hey, mouse. The mouse doesn't live here anymore. - Then who are you? I'm a saber-toothed screaming lemur. - Okay, good news-bad news time...
ga960309 -- Your owner doesn't seem to like us. - Well, he's got this thing about mice... - You mean the part where he stands on a chair and screams? That too.
ga960310 -- - - SMACK! - Garfield! - Give me that comic book! - - YAAAAHH!
ga960311 -- Here's my sixth-grade report card! - My parents were so proud. - "Jon hav not shoved any crayons up his nose this term".
ga960312 -- Garfield, my hairline is receding. - But it really isn't noticeable. - HEY FOREHEAD BOY! Just a lucky guess.
ga960313 -- The National Cat Channel presents... - Ed The Wonder Cat, in the action adventure... - "Hairballs From Outer Space!" Not every cat can wear tights.
ga960314 -- This book contains many great insights into life. - - And when you connect the dots, it forms a picture of a bunny!
ga960315 -- That was a terrible date. - We went to the circus. - A clown accuesd me of copying his suit. How low can a clown stoop?
ga960316 -- A letter from home! - Your family never foregets. - "Dear Ron..." Ouch.
ga960317 -- - Odie, can we talk? - You always have that one stupid smile on your face. - Give me something new. - Nope. - Nope. - Nope. - And, hope. - Who am I to mess with imperfection?
ga960318 -- "Sleek and streamlined..." - "The cat's lighning reflexes make him a formidable hunter". - It's the off-season, okay?
ga960319 -- It's cute the way a cat will playfully bat a ball of yarn around. - - BAM BAM BAM BAM Maybe "cute" isn't the right word.
ga960320 -- "When agitated, a cat will arch its back and hiss". - - Yeah, right. Iusually send a stern fax.
ga960321 -- - STROKE STROKE STROKE STROKE STROKE - PURRRRR How to start a cat.
ga960322 -- Here, Garfield, for you. - A catnip mouse! - Hold my calls.
ga960323 -- My! Aren't you a cute little kitty! Meow - Yes, you are! Meow. - Got his gum.
ga960324 -- - Ready. - CLICK whirrrrrRRR - WHIRRRRRRRR - CLICK! WHIRRRrrr - - Someday we'll get a real motorcycle.
ga960325 -- A cup of coffee... - A jelly doughnut... - And thou!
ga960326 -- - BEAN ME! WHAM! - Something tells me this isn't your first cup today.
ga960327 -- Another cup, please. Don't you think you've had enough? - - Not yet.
ga960328 -- Here, Garfield, try this coffee. It's espresso. Why the dinky cup? - SLURK! - Well, what do you think? I'll let you know as soon as my back teeth stop wiggling.
ga960329 -- The adventures of Ed the Wonder Cat! - Ed! Ed! I'm sinking in quicksand! Get help! - No, Ed! Don't go to sleep! My hero.
ga960330 --  - - Dogs.
ga960331 -- - - Hey! Put that down or I'll... - You'll what, buster?! One move, and the doughnut gets it! Qnd it you think  I'm kidding, try me! - I'm gonna back out slowly, now. And if you try to follow me, it's curtains for your friend here! - SLAM! -
ga960331 -- Toooooo much sugar. munch munch
ga960401 -- Excuse me, are you aware that this is "be kind to spiders week"? - Would you like a pamphlet? Thank you. - SMACK
ga960402 -- Don't be afraid! I'm not poisonous! - SWAT! - But you're still icky.
ga960403 -- Spider! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! - That'll teach him not to come around here! - Heeey, wait a second!
ga960404 -- Hey! - Are you the spider who squished my brother-in-law?! Yes. - Thanks.
ga960405 -- Dear Sir: On behalf of spider lovers everywhere, we wish to strongly protest your brutal treatment of our arachnid brothers and sisters. - Spiders are our friends. Spiders... - SMACK
ga960406 -- Uh-oh! Here comes that cat! I'd better play possum! - - FLUSH
ga960407 -- - trip THUD! - Nobody move! I lost a contact lens! - SMACK! - - - k-k-k-k
ga960408 -- Gaaaaaarrrfieeeld... - Gaaarrfieeeld... - Cliiiimb me. NO!
ga960409 -- Climb me. No way! - You know you want to. That's beside the point. - I've grown a new branch. Really?
ga960410 -- Climb me. You'll love it. No! - The view at the top is spectacular. Nope. No way. - Did I mention I've installed a cappucino machine? This tree is good.
ga960411 -- That's it! This is the last tree I'm ever going to climb! - Wait a minute... - That didn't come out right.
ga960412 -- Hee, hee, that kind of tickles. - flap flip flip flap flap flap flap flap flip flap flap flip flap flap flap flip flap flap flip flap flap - EEEERRRGGHH
ga960413 -- Hey, pal. Hello. - How long have you been hangig up here? Two hours. And you? - Three weeks.
ga960414 -- Ready, boys? - Time for the "Rite of the Daisy"! Spare me. - We dress as daisies to be one with them. Yeah, don't want to stampede them. - Ode to a daisy, by Jon Arbuckle. (ahem) "The noble daisy makes nary a sound. It doesn't fly, it's stuck
ga960414 -- in the ground... - But for such a thing that grows in the dirt...it sure don't make mine own eyes hurt" - Well, what do you?... - Oh, no! What did I do? Just promise me you won't write a poem about pets.
ga960415 -- Look, Garfield. There's Mrs. Jones. - Good morning, Mrs. Jones. tap tap - She hates to be disturbed. Especially when she's walking her brick.
ga960416 -- Spring is here, Garfield! - Bringing joy to the world! - Even you are smiling! I ate a robin.
ga960417 -- Odie and I are going to be more friendly. - - Not with each other, of course.
ga960418 -- Today I'll be preparing my special "soup surprise". - People ask, "what's so surprising about soup"? - You see, there's a little man inside the pot... Guess who's been hitting the vanilla extract`
ga960419 -- Sorry, I don't take bribes. - - Now THREATS, I take. Hop on, skinny.
ga960420 -- The sun has failed to rise! The earth is plunged into darkness! - The temperature will drop! PLants will wither! We shall surely starve! - YAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! Some days I'm soooo happy he can't talk.
ga960421 -- - - - - - munch munch munch -
ga960422 -- Jon, meet Clive, my invisible friend. - - Clive thinks you're boring.
ga960423 -- Invisible friends like Clive are great. - They're always there when you need them. - Uh...I think.
ga960424 -- So. Clive, where were you born? - Invisible county hospital? Never heard of it. - Yeah, right. Never seen it either.
ga960425 -- Odie, this is Clive, my invisible friend. - SLURRRP! - Here Clive. Have an invisible towel.
ga960426 -- My invisible friend Clive and I are going to play catch. - KONK - Bad hands, Clive!
ga960427 -- Invisible friends can come in handy. - - GARFIELD! CLIVE!
ga960428 -- - One last bite of milk shake. - GLUG - SQUIRRRT - SPLORT - PSSSSHHH - Poor little guy. Here, have my ice cream cone. - PLOOT
ga960429 -- crunch crunch crunch crunch - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - You stomped on my "Crispy Crunchies". Jon, I am not a morning person.
ga960430 -- - Is that book doing you any good,Odie? - ARF! I thought so.
ga960501 -- You dropped something, Garfield. - Oh, you mean the secret plans for world domination by cats? - Uh...I mean. Meow.
ga960502 -- My credit cards are missing. - Garfield, have you seen my credit cards? No. - And, nice suit. It's Italian.
ga960503 -- Nancy, I'm having a party... - Of course, I'll be there. - CLICK Hello?
ga960504 -- I had a pet named Henry back on the farm. - Then one evening, there was Henry on the dinner table. - I loved that snake. Times were tough.
ga960505 -- - ? - - - -
ga960506 -- MOUSE! - - CHAIR!
ga960507 -- Garfield, can I talk to you about the mice? - Mice? - Ohhhhh...THOSE mice?
ga960508 -- Get the mouse! - How's your schedule for the 25th? Say, late morning? I'm out of town. How about the 27th, around 2ish? - Works for me. I'll have my people confirm with yours. Sigh
ga960509 -- - -
ga960510 -- - Atta-boy, Garfield! Way to go! - Same time next week? Sure, but do something about that breath, will ya?
ga960511 -- GARFIELD! - You're a cat...why don't you chase mice?! It's too noisy. - All that creaking, and gasping, and wheezing, and painting, and...
ga960512 -- - - URK! - COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK - HAAACK - All right! A Coupon! - Well excuse me for being thrifty!
ga960513 -- Here comes Jon. - Watch me pretend to be interested in what what he says. - You're pretending to be interested in what I'm saying, aren't you? Fine, thanks! And you?
ga960514 -- THUD! - - "Bouncy" would not be a good nickname for Odie.
ga960515 -- And now to discuss man-eating plants, our gardening expert, Steve! - HELP! It's got me! rustle rustle rustle - burp That should help the ratings.
ga960516 -- Everyone should have a cat like you, Garfield. CHOMP SNARF - GOOBLE GULP CHOMP SNARF SNARF - Why should I be the only one to suffer? Hey!
ga960517 -- I have a blind date tonight, Garfield. - Know what that means? - HUMAN COMPANIONSHIP! You haven't seen your date yet.
ga960518 -- One last cookie... - We've been friends a long time now, right? Wait! Before you try to lay heavy guilt on me. - Okay, go ahead.
ga960519 -- - Jon's building a ship model. I shall narrate. - BLOOP First, he spills the glue. - Then, he makes a hopeless mess. - YAAAAAAH! Then he freaks out. - CRASH! -
ga960520 -- You are fat... - And ol. - And touchy.
ga960521 -- *beep* One...two...three... - What is this? Special feature. - The automatic chin counter.
ga960522 -- You have lost five pounds. - Hey! - Pay up, pal!
ga960523 -- One last chance, scale. - I'm going to weigh myself, and I want to be accorded some respect, okay? Sure, hop on. - You are fat, siiiirrrr.
ga960524 -- Tell me I'm not fat! - O.K., you're not fat. - Thank you. Sigh...I'm a disgrace to household appliances everywhere.
ga960525 -- The pizza was delivered by a woman. - A pizza woman? - MARRY HER!
ga960526 -- munch munch - - - - Pretty lame attempt, Garfield. - If you want to put one over Ol' Jon, you'll have to do better than. - ZIP
ga960527 -- There goes old man Higgins - They say he's the meanest man on the block. - I think he's misunderstood. The man has a clown strapped to the hood of his car.
ga960528 -- We're going to change the way we do things around here! - Whoa... - We do things around here?
ga960529 -- BURP! - Garfield, yould you mind eating a little more delicately? burp burp burp burp burp burp burp
ga960530 -- A letter from dad! Whoopee-do. - The crops are fine. The cows are fine. Yeah, yeah. - Mom got a nose ring, and plays drums for a band called "Electric Dentures". Same old, same old.
ga960531 -- Jon, I ate too much. - I need something to settle my stomach. - How about some dessert, Garfield? The man's a miracle worker!
ga960601 -- Garfield's tongue is burned. - How did that happen? - He was licking a waffle iron. I saw crumbs.
ga960602 -- - * BOOP Hey! - * BOOP BEEP BOOP This sthing plays little notes! - **BOOP BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BEEP BOOP BOOP * I can play a song! - Garfield, what are you doing? - - *****
ga960603 -- Are you packed for the fishing trip, Garfield? Yup. - Got everything. - Cornmeal, butter, eggs, tartar sauce, buns, deep fryer and 200 miles of extension cord!
ga960604 -- Okay, Garfield, we're going to back the boat into the water. - W'wan back. Let me know when to stop. - That's good.
ga960605 -- Let's see...which lure should I...ah...AH... - CHOO - YAAHH! How about the one in your left nostril?
ga960606 -- Watch the distance on this cast, Garfield! It's gonna be a new world's record! - FLING - Hark, did I hear a trout chuckle?
ga960607 -- nnngggghhhhhhhh...aaeeeeerrrrrrrggghhh... - YAHOO! COME TO PAPA! - GET THE NET, GARFIELD! GEt THE NET! For the fish, or for you?
ga960608 -- THAT is an ugly lure! - GOT ONE! - THAT is an ugly fish! Ugly in, ugly out.
ga960609 -- Sigh Sigh - Y'know? Fishing's great, Garfield...the fresh air... I smell bait. - The wildlife... Mosquitoes the size of canned hams. zzzzzzzz - The solitude, the companionship. Stranded in a dhingy with Tweedledee and Tweedledum. - Kinda
ga960609 -- makes a guy just wanna sing! - * Fishing is my life...fishing is my life... **
ga960610 -- CLONK! - I'm attracting a more sophisticated audience. - That was an Italian shoe.
ga960611 -- - - GARFIELD!
ga960612 -- See that woman over there, Garfield? - She's flirting with me. - I know that look. She's choking on a bagel.
ga960613 -- Here, spend some time with this rock. - Maybe some of its charm and warmth will rub off on you. - Heh heh.
ga960614 -- Hell, Nancy, wanna go out tonight? - Well, does your mother have plans? - Uh-huh...so tell me about your grandmother, is she...hello? Shot down by three generations.
ga960615 -- What's the matter, Garfield? - Hey! Your birthday is next week! - And that's a, uh, bad thing, right?
ga960616 -- So you're going to be eighteen soon, huh Garfield? Thanks for the reminder. - I remember back on the farm, when I turned eighteen I really cut loose. Uh-huh. - My buddies and I went out cow tipping. - pant pant pant pant - tip - - pant pant
ga960616 -- pant Huh? Huh? Was that fun or what? Whatever milks your guernsey.
ga960617 -- You can stop now. - - I told him to take it easy 18 years ago.
ga960618 -- Have you decided what you want for your birthday, Garfield? - Try again, pal. - What's wrong with wanting my own can opener?
ga960619 -- - Come ON, Garfield... - Make a wish! I'm thinking! I'm thinking!
ga960620 -- Now THAT'S a big tree. - -
ga960621 -- - -
ga960622 -- Z - Z - Z
ga960623 -- - - - - - Whoo! - Humid today. Tell me about it.
ga960624 -- Please don't swat me! - Okay, promise. - STOMP!
ga960625 -- I bring you a message from the other spiders. - phhhhht! -
ga960626 -- - Wait!! What? - I've already seen that section.
ga960627 -- That's odd. - A brown ring... -
ga960628 -- Swat me! Swat me flat! - I don't take orders from you! - I guess I showed him who's boss araound...hey! Hee hee hee
ga960629 -- - - Cartwheels.
ga960630 -- - - Yikes! - ZING! SMACK! - Whew! - That was close. SPLAT
ga960701 -- BRRIINNG! - OK, I give up...you win. - It's monday. Fine! Shoot your prisoner!
ga960702 --  - GRAB! -
ga960703 -- Where have you been all my life? - I don't know, but I wish I were still there. - Take me with you!
ga960704 -- This house is my castle, Garfield. - My domain. - Here, I am king. Excuse me, sire, whilst your local wretch ralphs on the royal rug.
ga960705 -- Hey there, bullet! - Whooosh! There he goes! - Slow down, lightning! The cat is not amused.
ga960706 -- I'm too tired to go on. - Of course, I have no place to go anyway. - That worked out pretty well.
ga960707 -- Man, I haven't had lasagna in, like, forever. RRRrrrrr - What would you like for dinner? LASAGNA! - Some steamed rice? NO! LASAGNA! - Maybe peas and carrots? l-a-s-a-g-n-a...lasagna! - Or, I could whip up a nice... - Here! Noodles! Onions!
ga960707 -- Ricotta! Mozzarella! Tomatoes! Sausage! - Or pupapth wathanya. Now you're talking.
ga960708 -- Cats are very possessive. - We always mark our own territory. - MINE
ga960709 -- Cats are fascinated by bits of string. - And, I don't know why. - If this string were a little longer, I could tie Jon up, and clean out the refrigerator.
ga960710 -- You're shedding. - And you're watching me shed. - Who has the problem here?
ga960711 -- - Nice kitty, blah, blah, blah. Purr. Whatever. - We're bonding.
ga960712 -- - - You are shedding a lot. Am not.
ga960713 -- - PLOOP! - As you can see, dogs aren't the only ones who can fetch slippers. I hate you.
ga960714 -- - - - - - ALL YOUR MOTHERS WEAR FLEA COLLARS! - I needed that.
ga960715 -- Garfield, I can't find my bag of... - ZING ZONG ZANG - Chocolate-covered coffee beans.
ga960716 -- Everybody's against me! - SMACK SPLOT - And I don't know why!
ga960717 -- Here comes the tickle bug! - Tickle, tickle, tickle! - Now, here comes the hug bunny! Pet abuse is an ugly thing.
ga960718 -- What is it, Odie? What are you trying to tell me? YIP! YIP! YIP! - Uh-huh?...Yes?...Yes?...I see... YIP! YIP! YIP! - Odie says he's a slobbering idiot who jumps around going "Yip! Yip! Yip!"
ga960719 -- I wonder if Jon knows he has something stuck between his teeth. - YAAAHH! - Maybe so...
ga960720 -- I'm going out to enjoy nature! - - Got attacked by bees and bitten by a badger. Personally, I would not have enjoyed that.
ga960721 -- Hmm... - No...no, that's not the spot. - No, not there either... - No...nope... - Nope...nooooooo...n- - There it is! - Z
ga960722 -- Mice are disgusting. - Hello, you big, fat, ugly slob. - See?!
ga960723 -- - FLING! -
ga960724 -- - My good sheet! - No more toga parties.
ga960725 -- click click click click click - Hey! click click click click - He gets more channels than we do! click click click
ga960726 -- I caught a mouse! - Let me guess... - He wasn't paying attention and wandered into your hand. Soooo?!
ga960727 -- Mouse hole. - Rat hole. Manhole.
ga960728 -- - Hey there. Buzz off! - Oh, my! What a pretty bird! - I like a man who loves birds. - What are you and your bird doing tonight? - - Wanna pet my parrot? Does it talk? The stories I could tell, lady.
ga960729 -- You ate my food, you ate Odie's food. You ate your food. - What do you have to say for yourself? - What's for the dessert, dessert, dessert?
ga960730 -- Beware Of The Dog BARK! BARK! BARK! - Beware Of The Even Bigger Dog - Not my day.
ga960731 -- * RING RING - Hello. May I speak with the head of the household? No. - Cat's can't talk. Hello? Hello?
ga960801 -- I couldn't decide which one of these ties to wear. - So I'm wearing all of them! - Hey, hula hands! Put on some pants!
ga960802 -- This is boring. - I know! - This is boring with hats. A rare moment of lucidity.
ga960803 -- Anything worth having is worth working for! - SMACK! - So THAT'S why I don't have anything!
ga960804 -- - rrrrrrrr - Okay, boy, there's only one way to settle this... - We take 10 paces, turn, and face for the food. - Aand...one...two...three...four...five...six...seven... - BLAT Eight...nine...
ga960805 -- I'm taking a dating quiz, Garfield. - "What do you look for in a date?" - Must be same species. Except on new year's.
ga960806 -- I could get a date if I wanted. On this planet? - I've had lots of dates! Mr. Arbuckle, time for your mediaction. - Yep, I've broken a few hearts. That's because he showed up.
ga960807 -- Marissa! Jon here! How about going out with the King of Keen tonight? - Jon, Jon Arbuckle. - Yes, the dork you met in the park. King of Keen, Meet the Queen of Mean.
ga960808 -- These cellular phones are great, Garfield! - Elle, guess where I am?... - Uh...how far is far enough? Now he can be rejected from anywhere.
ga960809 -- I'm immature?!! - WELL EXCUSE ME, MISS POOPIE HEAD! - Your honor, the defense requests a recess.
ga960810 -- Another saturday night with no dat. - Maybe I'll watch television. - For about a year! He's working off a backlog of rejections.
ga960811 -- - bark bark bark - BARK BARK BARK - * - ooooooo - oooooo - b-bl b-bl b-bl b-bl
ga960812 -- - - That's the last time I hand out programs.
ga960813 -- I'll now take requests from the audience. - Any requests? - ...any audience?
ga960814 -- SPLAT! - MAKEUP! - DOOF
ga960815 -- - You're out of fruit! what are you going to do?! - GONK!
ga960816 -- HISS HISS HISS HISS - Did you forget how to clap?! - With what?!
ga960817 -- ...so the chicken says, "that was no herring, that was my trout!" - - What are you dialing? My agent's beeper.
ga960818 -- - - Don't eat that poor, defenseless doughnut! - Don't listen to him! Chow down, pal! - Do what is right! Do what's in your heart! - -
ga960819 -- Z - You can't sleep your life away! z - Not if you keep waking me up!
ga960820 -- Odie! Someone has eaten your... - Ooops. Hang on! - Odie! Someone has eaten your food!
ga960821 -- Oh, joy. I get to spend another day with you. I'll try to control my excitement. - - So far, so good.
ga960822 -- That's it, Garfield. - You've had enough. - Just one more cup? No more coffee.
ga960823 -- That's three cookies for you. - And a third of a cookie for me. - Looks more like half a cookie to me.
ga960824 -- There's a cat in the neighborhood! - Quick! Hide behind these two slices of bread! - I gotta find a new line, or dumber birds.
ga960825 -- - Odie! Little Timmy fell down the old well! - Save him! - SHOOM! - The Old Well - - Odie! Now he's climbing up the water tower!
ga960826 -- Garfield, I was just outside! - An insect flew up my nose! - I'll be going insane any second now! How will you be able to tell?
ga960827 -- Okay, in this scene you play the part of a pitiful goofball! - Action! - My finger's stuck up my nose. Cut! Print! That's a wrap! You're beautiful!
ga960828 -- Garfield, some guy threw a rock through my window. - There's a note attached! - "You seem boring". We must remember to send him a thank-you rock.
ga960829 -- The fun never stops when I'm around! - - You cn't stop what doesn't start.
ga960830 -- Ellen won't go out with me. - Says she has no feelings toward me... - How about pity? I thought hitting bottom would make a louder noise.
ga960831 -- A good hat should make a statement, Garfield. - A good hat should say... - "Hello, I am cool". Or "pity me".
ga960901 -- Z - Z - RIIIINNG! - Z - RIIIIINNG!! - All right! All right! You win! - Z
ga960902 -- I hate it when you smile. - Whenever you smile something bad happens. - But, maybe I'm just paranoid. Release the anvil
ga960903 -- Odie suspects nothing. - BOOT - He still suspects nothing.
ga960904 -- Garfield! - Did you shred the drapes into little bitty pieces?! - Define "little bitty".
ga960905 -- I wonder what Jon is doing. - RUNAWAY ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH! - Same old, same old.
ga960906 -- You are the second most pitiful excuse for a man I have ever met! - The second most pitiful? - Yeeesss! I gotta meet this other guy!
ga960907 -- Cats are smarter than dogs! - And nicer, too! - So don't hurt me! We know here he lives.
ga960908 -- - Sigh... - - Pretty dull, huh? Yeah. - I'm gonna try another one. - Any better? Not really.
ga960909 -- I am a poisonous spider. You are not. - Am too. Are not. - Here, drink this. Hmmm.
ga960910 -- - - Wipe your feet!
ga960911 -- - SWAT! -
ga960912 -- Hey, cat! I'm talking to you! - Not so high and mighty without your newspaper, are you?! - Would you like the rest of this sandwich?
ga960913 -- I represent the other spiders in the house. - I've been sent to present you with an offering of peace and brotherhood. - If you think a half-eaten fly will buy a cease-fire, think again!
ga960914 -- - - Help! You are pathetic.
ga960915 -- - - - Don't move! We've got you surrounded! - Oh, yeah? - Yeaaaaah - SMACK CLAP SMACK
ga960916 -- The Caped Avanger! Faster than a speeding delivery truck Tougher than Taffy! - Able to eat a large pepperoni pizza in a single bite! - ...with anchovies!
ga960917 -- Aha! It's my archenemy, the infamous Doctor Dweeb! - Unhand that cheeseburger or receive a severe thashing! - I hate it whe he does that.
ga960918 -- Life is a struggle between good and evil. - Should I kick Odie off the table?... - Or sorta accidentally bump him off the table?
ga960919 -- Hey! I can see the curvature of the earth! - Hold it! That's my stomach. - You're fat. Only one man's opinion.
ga960920 -- Well, Garfield, it's friday night and surf's up! Oh, no. - You know what that means... Yes, I do. - Beach party! He's filled the living room with sand again.
ga960921 -- How was your date, Jon? - I forgot where we were supposed to meet. - So, she had a relatively good time then?
ga960922 -- Boys, can we talk? Uh-oh. - You've both gotten a little pudgy lately. - So I'm both putting you on a fruit diet. Have fun. "Have fun", he says. - The juggling Garbanzo Brothers reunite! - * There's no business like show business ** KICK! -
ga960922 -- FOOD FIGHT! - Let me rephrase that...Yes, earth man?
ga960923 -- Here we are... - "Cat: see lazy". - Oh look. Here's your picture. I smell libel.
ga960924 -- Garfield, sometimes I have to ask the big questions. When's lunch? - Like, what is my purpose? To buy doughnuts. - Why am I here? To feed the cat.
ga960925 -- A cat's keen sense of hearing ca help him identify his prey. - CRUNCH! munch munch munch munch - Toast.
ga960926 -- "Pet intelligence..." - "Cats do not score well on intelligence tests." - I'm surprised. We refuse to read the directions.
ga960927 -- Once, cats were fearless hunters... - Independent, strong and proud. - But, today... Could you get the plastic off this slice of cheese?
ga960928 -- Today they all stared into space for a while... - Then they licked themselves and took naps. - Cat news.
ga960929 -- - - - - GULP I saw that! Get up here! - What have you got to say for yourself?! - BURRRRRP
ga960930 -- I've been busy all day. Me too. - - Wait. Did you say "busy", or, "sitting around doing nothing"?
ga961001 -- - Get out of my way! -
ga961002 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! Would you please be quiet? BARK! BARK! - Whoa! It never occured to me asking politely.
ga961003 -- There's a cat in the neighborhood! - Quick! Hide in my mouth! - Where is the trust? Where IS the trust?!
ga961004 -- - I CAN GET A DATE ANYTIME I WANT! - Those darn tour buses.
ga961005 -- * RIIING Garfield, my hands are wet! Answer that! - Hello? - Hello? Hello? GOTCHA! I hate him.
ga961006 -- gniiiiiffffff - I love this time of the year. - The colors... - The crisp morning air... - And the leaves... - I love the sound they make as you walk through them. crunch crunch crunch crunch - I love anything that reminds me of potato chips.
ga961007 -- Mr. Arbuckle, this is the "Happy Day" dating service. - Well, we finally found you a date. - Subject, of course, to her parole hearing. A career woman.
ga961008 -- Ruby, the dating service gave me your number. - So, do you have a nickname? - "Widow maker", huh? I'll be under the couch.
ga961009 -- Ruby, the dating service said we should get to know each other. - So, exactly why were you in prison? - Hide the potato peeler. Ouch.
ga961010 -- OK, Ruby, I'll meet you at seven. - But how will I know you? - I see, the tatoo on your forehead reads "ybuR". But, are there any distinguishing characteristics?
ga961011 -- Well, I had a pretty good time with Ruby tonight. - She only had to be sedated twice. - But it was hard to slow dance with that dart in her neck. That's just a little more than I wanted to know.
ga961012 -- Time to check the old mailbag, Garfield. - *BEEP* ...you have no mail. - *BEEP* You have also no life. Et tu, cyberspace?
ga961013 -- * - Butter, Garfield? Yes. - Horseradish? PLease. Mustard? Thank you. - Anchovy paster? Just a smidge. Lard? Sure! - Toaster crumbs? Why not? - Garfiedl? Yes? - YOU'RE DISGUSTING! Any sauerkraut?
ga961014 -- Catch a mouse. You didn't use the magic words. - Catch a mouse, or you don't get dinner. - Presto!
ga961015 -- Garfield, it's time you REALLY got tough with those mice! Right! - BAM BAM BAM - No video games for a week!
ga961016 -- What's the matter? My wife kicked me out of the hole. - Why? Well, I ate this garlic bulb, and... -
ga961017 -- There is a MOUSE asleep on my bed! - You know what to do! z - z Z
ga961018 -- Did you catch the mouse? You bet. - What did you do with hi- - Tagged him. And released him back into the wild.
ga961019 -- ? - "Room for Rent?" WHAT room?! - You're standing in it.
ga961020 -- tap tap tap - Here's your coffee. - By the way, we're out of cream. - I'll get the sugar though. - - WAAAAHHH! -
ga961021 -- - zwip zwip zwip zwip zwip zwip zwip - I hate mondays.
ga961022 -- Hey, Odie. Put on thos "Dogs are Stupid" pin, pal. - Eeee! Eeee! Eeee! You gotta love 'im.
ga961023 -- Yessirthere's nothinglike agoodpot ofcoffee firstthing inthemoring - Anicehotcup ofcoffeeyessir andmaybea doughnuttooa nicedoughnut todunkand munch - Asecondandthird cupisnicetoo, alongwithmore doughnutsand moreandmore coffee. I'm cutting you
ga961023 -- off.
ga961024 -- Have a nice walk? Yup. - - Canary shortage hits city! GARFIELD!
ga961025 -- Oh, okay, Janice. I understand. - She had a good reason for not going out with me. - She's allergic to geeks! Achoo!
ga961026 -- I can run a little farther every day! - - But he still keeps coming back.
ga961027 -- - Hey, Garfioeld, check out my ghost costume. - Very nice. - Uh-huh... - How cute - -
ga961028 -- I'm going to scare Jon... - Morning, Garfield. - He always looks like that before his coffe. I heard that!
ga961029 -- I'm going to have some fun with this Odie mask. - Now where could Odie be? - KICK!
ga961030 -- - tap tap - EEEK!
ga961031 -- Hey, Garfield, I got you an outfit for the costume party. - What do you think? I don't know, Jon. - I have this uneasy feeling.
ga961101 -- - Oh, c'mon,,, that's not scary. - Now, THAT'S scary.
ga961102 -- YAAAAHH! - Boy, that's the scariest mask yet! - An empty supper dish.
ga961103 -- - You're lazy, Garfield. - You're as limp as a rag! - FLOP - - FLOP - Although, not without entertainment value. Oh sure, humiliate the cat.
ga961104 -- Ah, monday...where is my sting?! - WHAM - Ah...THERE it is...
ga961105 -- I find your presence unpleasant. - You possess many shortcomings also. - No one is perfect. Let's go back to bark and hiss.
ga961106 -- - You're a lazy pig! - How did he know it was me?
ga961107 -- - - I hate it when he acts goofy. That was ferocious!
ga961108 -- Ann won't go out with me. - But there areplenty of fish in the sea, Garfield. How do I say this, Jon... - I'll just cast out another line. There's a hole in the boat, and the bait's dead.
ga961109 -- What did I tell you the last time you threw a rock in the house?! - Lessee...don't help me...I can get this... - Oh, yeah! It was "YEEEEOW! Boy that hurts!"
ga961110 -- - Would you like to hear about my day, Garfield? Rub my tummy and I'll listen to anything. - Well, first, I went for a walk in the park, I fed the pigeons and smelled the flowers... - Then on the way home I was nearly run over by a cab. - I
ga961110 -- yelled at the driver, "Hey, you! Watch where you're going!" - Then he jumped out of the cab and grabbed me by the neck and started... - Let's go back to the park part.
ga961111 -- I'm not going to climb you, tree. - I don't care what you do. - Now THAT'S unfair.
ga961112 -- - Hey, you! Scram! - This is MY tree.
ga961113 -- Being stuck in a tree isn't so bad. - I'll just sit here and enjoy the view. - ...for the rest of my life.
ga961114 -- I've been up here a long time. I wonder if I'm setting any records? Hey Ethel! Looky up there! - That's gotta be THE stupidest cat in the whole world! - A record!
ga961115 -- I'm drawing a crowd. - Those people down there look like ants. - Garfield, what are you doing? I guess they are.
ga961116 -- Stupid tree...may all your stupid branches fall off! - CRACK - Nice curse, Garfield.
ga961117 -- - This meeting of the Brotherhood of Household Pests will now come to order. - Now, this week's assignments: Jreome, you'll pester the big, dumb human... No proooblem. - And Charlie, being a flea, you naturally get the dog. Can do, boss. -
ga961117 -- I'll take the cat...he hates me anyway. Any questions? - Good! Meeting adjourned! - WHACK!
ga961118 -- Monday, I'm not afraid of you! - In fact, I laugh into your face! - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! zzzzzzz
ga961119 -- Does that look crooked, Garfield? No. - Now it does. - Thanks for your help! I do what I can.
ga961120 -- Oops. - ssssssss - Bottom of the pot again!
ga961121 -- So, Ellen, I hear you have a party. - Gee, my invitation must have been lost in the mail. - She said no. And to make sure, she shot the mailman. I'll ge the checkers.
ga961122 -- Garfield, this must be an invitation to Ellen's party! - Oh, yes, it's PARTY TIME ** ** ...it's PARTY TIME... - It's a restraining order. Aw...and you just bought a new whoopee cushion.
ga961123 -- Sigh . - I'm not actually bored. - I'm just practicing.
ga961124 -- Jon's hamburger! - I'll just eat Jon's pickle. - ...and maybe the lettuce and the tomato, too. - ...and the onion, and - Oh, what the heck! - Uh, there seems to be something missing. You're right! - gluck gluck gluck gluck gluck
ga961125 -- Greetings, Ladies and... - CRASH! - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP Give 'em what they want, I say.
ga961126 -- He's not the world's greatest opening act... - But he's the best I could get on short notice. ...but I gotta tell ya'... - This lady was SOOOOO fat...
ga961127 -- TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - DONK - I'll be glad when tomatoes are back in season.
ga961128 -- I'd like to ask for a volunteer from the audience! - - I'd like to ask for an audience.
ga961129 -- tappity tappity tappity BOO! BOOO! BOO! BOOO! - Come on, you ingrates! Do your worst! BOOOO! BOOO! BOO! BOO! - Uh... There was a cotton candy vendor at the show tonight.
ga961130 -- tappity tappity tappity - - Rehearsal.
ga961201 -- - - - - - -
ga961202 -- YAWN - Two...three.. - YAWN The Garfield workout.
ga961203 -- Remember the good old days when we used to do this, Odie? BOOT! - CRASH! - What have you been up to? Reminiscing.
ga961204 -- That smile isn't fooling anyone. - - That one either. Rats.
ga961205 -- Garfield, you ate the whole box of doughnuts. - Yet you seem depressed. - Could it be guilt?! They were my friends.
ga961206 -- Coffee, Garfield? - - It's a little string. It's winking at me.
ga961207 -- What are you so happy about? - - I was being sarcastic. This IS happy.
ga961208 -- - Let's see now...the perfect spot... - Hmm - - - - AH-HA! - - This could take a while.
ga961209 -- It's the holiday season! - I just love this time of year. - It makes me feel greedy all over!
ga961210 -- Hmm... - I wonder who first came up with the idea for candy canes? - Probably a gimpy old elf.
ga961211 -- Merry Christmas Love, Jon, Odie, and Garfield. - a-HEM - Merry Christmas Love, Jon, Garfield and Odie.
ga961212 -- - BAM BAM BAM - SMOOOOOOCH
ga961213 -- Odie - Odie - Odie
ga961214 -- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... - Six! Yes!! Six!! Got anothe rone! - Daily present count.
ga961215 -- * - * ** ** ** ** I love Christmas carolers. - ** * ** ** * The beautiful songs...the lovely harmonies... - Hey, Frank, you're flat! - Me?! I'm not flat, YOU are! Oh, yeah?! Shut up, you two... - I'll settle this...you're BOTH flat! ! ! -
ga961215 -- 'tis the season. PUNCH POKE BOOF SLAP! SOCK SLAP! OUCH! SLAP! SWAT SOCK
ga961216 -- Looks like it's gonna be a good crop this year! - Can't wait for the harvest. - Yes, they're almost ripe.
ga961217 -- This one works...this one works...this one works... - ZZZT! - I found the short in the tree lights! Do tell.
ga961218 -- I'm leaving your present under the tree. - I'm trusting you not to peek. You have my word of honor. - Uncross your toes. You little finks.
ga961219 -- Garfield, are you peeking at your present? No, I'm not peeeking... - I'm taking a big fat look! Try and stop me! - Hey! There's nothing in here! I put out a decoy.
ga961220 -- You tricked me! there's nothing in this present! You promised me you wouldn't peek. - That's what you get for peeking. - Well, thanks for nothing!
ga961221 -- Garfield - Odie - Present envy.
ga961222 -- - - - - - BLINK - So much for th "X-Ray Vision" theory.
ga961223 -- - Candy canes always taste best right around Christmas. - So eat 'em quick, while they're in season!
ga961224 -- - tap tap tap - Christmas eve.
ga961225 -- Garfield - Garfield - Merry Christmas.
ga961226 -- Garfield, have you tried on the stocking cap mom made for you? Yes. - What do you think? - I think too many balls of yarn gave their lives for this thing.
ga961227 -- I'm wrting a thank-you card to mom and dad. Want to add anything? - BURPPP - Garfield says thank you for the Christmas Cookies.
ga961228 -- Jo-ann, it's Jon Arbuckle. I was wondering if you were doing anything on new years e- CLICK - I don't believe it... - Her ANSWERING MACHINE hung up on me! A bad day in Dateville.
ga961229 -- - You were a vision to behold this year, tree. - Each ornament hung with tender loving care. - - - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - Oh, the indignity of it all!
ga961230 -- I've called every girl I know, Garfield. - None of them will go out with me on new year's eve. - I'm getting desperate. I figured that when you dialed the time and temperature lady.
ga961231 -- Garfield, it's almost midnight... - He's a real party animal. Z
ga970101 -- - YOING oing oing oing oing - Whoo! What a night! Happy new year.
ga970102 -- - STOMP -
ga970103 -- - -
ga970104 -- pat pat pat - -
ga970105 -- Gaaaar-field... - Garfield, go out and ge tthe paper. Yeah, yeah. - RUMBLE RUMBLE WOOF! WOOF! Back! Bak! You mutts! - BOOOM! CRACK zzzt! - HONK! HONK! SCREEEEEEEE THONK - It's not here yet! - KONK! SPLAT
ga970106 -- There's cat hair on the floor. - And you know what that means, don't you? - Whoa! You don't suppose there's a cat in the vicinity?!
ga970107 -- BONK! - That's the eighth time you've hit me with that ball today! - Don't you have anything to say for yourself? What's the record?
ga970108 -- Yes, Mrs. Brown? - Garfield's clawing at your door? - Turn off the can opener, Mrs. Brown.
ga970109 -- Coming up on your right, ladies and gentlemen, the amazing "Stairway of Banana Peels"! - BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK - And now if you will pick up your teeth, we can move on the the remarkable "Closet of Falling Stuff"!
ga970110 -- When do you want me to wake you? - When you feel real brave. - That should get me to the millenium.
ga970111 -- - Hello there, how are you? I am fine. I see you are a cat. I have a cat. His name is Mittens. I love my cat. He sits on my lap ans I pet him and pet him and pet - I hate it when mimes take a break.
ga970112 -- - Here comes Arlene! - EEEYUUUUHHH! - Hi, Arlene. Hello, Garfield. - Well, it's been nice talking to you. I'm sure you have to run... - Oh no. I have lots of time. So...how are you doing? - I'm busy! See yuh! - Whew! Vanity, thy name is
ga970112 -- Garfield.
ga970113 -- A big bear hug, and I'm ready to face the day! - - Better take two...it's monday.
ga970114 -- - Uh-oh! -
ga970115 -- Z - Garfield! Dinner! Z -
ga970116 -- LICK LICK SLURP - Want a lick, Pooky? -
ga970117 -- * - - Pooky, you sure know how to spoil a good bad mood!
ga970118 -- I'm going to work. - And I'll do nothing! - Let's hear it for Yin and Yang.
ga970119 -- - - SMACK! - Yeeew... - - -
ga970120 -- - Do you have to stand that close to me? No. - I can stand this close.
ga970121 -- I shall now toss this bird into the air and catch it in my mouth! - - I am sooo stupid.
ga970122 -- Know what I'm having for dinner, Garfield? - Oh, I thought I'd fry up a little... - Fish skeleton! So, what are you trying to say?
ga970123 -- This doggy sweater feels pretty good on a cold day. - Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! - Now it's a little too warm.
ga970124 -- I got you a get-well card, Jon. - - What are you doing, Garfield? Waiting fo you to finish that month old meat loaf.
ga970125 -- There's no news today. - Because verybody everywhere spent all day watching TV. - Looks like we're going to have to start taking turns.
ga970126 -- Garfield! Dinner! - I fixed you something special for dinner tonight, Garfield. - Broiled tournedos of beef in a brown mushroom gravy... - On a wild rice pilaf with glazed baby carrots and garnished with an orange slice and a sprig of fresh
ga970126 -- parsley! - GULP - BURRP - I do hope it was satisfactory. I've had fresher parsley.
ga970127 -- Hey, Garfield, guess what? It's snowed last ni- - SPLAP - Tell me something I don't know. THIS IS WAR!
ga970128 -- Okay, Garfield, I'm ready! - * ** - Never build your fort at the bottom of a hill. YAAHH!
ga970129 -- - - WOO WOO WOOOO Just call him "Mister Powder Pants".
ga970130 -- Here comes Jon! - fling SPLOT - EEEEEIIIYIIIEEOOO Oops a little low.
ga970131 -- Snowball fighting is so barbaric. - FLING! - SPLOT! UHHH-AH-EEE-AH-EEE-AHH-EEE-AHH thump thump thump thump thump GARFIELD!
ga970201 -- pat pat pat - tink - It's a sickness.
ga970202 -- - chatter chatter chatter - What the heck. He's cold anyway. - - - And I'm hungry.
ga970203 -- Sigh... - Garfield! Are you all right? Yeah. - Nothing a cup of hot chocolate couldn't cure.
ga970204 -- Z - brrriinng -
ga970205 -- I hate snow. - WOOOOOOSSSH - And the feeling is mutual.
ga970206 -- Ready, Garfield? Let's go! - AIEEEE! - Enough practice...Let's go for it! Why am I up front?
ga970207 -- That was some sled ride, huh, Garfield. - Pretty fast, huh, Garfield. - Garfield? Can we go back and pick up my lips?
ga970208 -- - kick Ha! -
ga970209 -- - This is your standar dmodel dog. - It comes complete with a vacant stare... - Disgusting, drooling, oversized tongue... - * And a full set of fleas. - * - Brain not included.
ga970210 -- - Here, Jon. Have the cookie Odie licked. - Why, Garfield, this is so unlkie you. No, it's not.
ga970211 -- - I'm taking Odie for a walk. - By the way, we're out of helium.
ga970212 -- - Tails. - Two out of three? Forget it. The TV remote is mine tonight.
ga970213 -- I love the city! - Anything you want is right here. - Hey, buddy, wanna buy a suit? Sure! Taxi!
ga970214 -- I attract fun, Garfield. - "Be prepared to party", that's my motto. - Yup...you gotta be ready. He filled his pockets with avocado dip.
ga970215 -- This has been a bad day, Garfield. - And no wonder. - Someone stuck a "Bury Me Alive" sign on my back! Yes, some days are better than others.
ga970216 -- - - swoop GULP! - * - - -
ga970217 -- - My chair seems to be sinking into the floor. - Time to diet, Garfield. Give me one good reason!
ga970218 -- SLUUUUCK - - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH The diet, day one.
ga970219 -- Here's your leaf of lettuce. - Thanks. - And here's your look of disgust.
ga970220 -- *YAWN* - You slept through breakfast... Whoop dee-doo - And missed your morning carrot stick. Remind me to sleep through lunch, too.
ga970221 -- I have an idea. Why don't you NOT diet, and than cheat on that by dieting? - - You have a weird hair growing out of your ear.
ga970222 -- I know you're sick of carrot sticks, so I fixed you something different. - Diced carrots! - BOY! That's uncomfortable.
ga970223 -- Z - Garfield! Breakfast! - - munch munch munch hop hop hop - RABBIT SEASON - Z - I have been on this diet TOO long. Breakfast.
ga970224 -- - Eat me! - Day seven of the diet: the hallucinations begin.
ga970225 -- C'mon, why don't you eat me? Because you're a hallucination, that's why! - Besides, I prefer chocolate doughnuts. - Nooo problem! Sigh.
ga970226 -- Aren't you going to eat me? No. You*'re a hallucination. - This diet is making me nuts! Whatever food I think of just- - Whoooo's hungry?!
ga970227 -- You diet hallucinations are driving me crazy! - A doughnut and a pizza...all that's missing is a- - Hi, big goy. tap tap Well, the gang's all here.
ga970228 -- How's it going, scale? Not so good... you? - Awful. This diet is killing me. Sounds like we could both use a good laugh... - Why don't you hop on?
ga970301 -- I'm proud of you, Garfield. - You stuck to your diet, and actually lost a few pounds. I know. - And I can't wait to find those suckers again!
ga970302 -- - Sigh. - - Sigh. - - AHEM - Sigh.
ga970303 -- You know wht the main difference is between you and me, Garfield? - Intellect? - I don't say "meow". Like I said.
ga970304 -- - - Now that I've put aluminium siding on Odie, We won't have to paint him!
ga970305 -- We're in a rut, Garfield. Maybe I should change your name. - I'm going to call you "Bingo"! - Bad Bingo! It's sounding better already.
ga970306 -- You must be one of those cats I've heard so much about. - Am I supposed to be barking? - Ahem...bark. First day on the job.
ga970307 -- I don't want to be disturbed! - Jon't working on a jigsaw puzzle. - Those two-piecers can be vicious.
ga970308 -- Jon say I never pay attention to him. - Watch me prove how wrong he is. - You did something with your hair, right, Jon?
ga970309 -- - - Hi, Mister Cat! I'm Jenny, from the spider scouts! - And I'm selling spider scout cookies to rais emoney for my troop. - We have mealworm mint wafers, mashed fly macaroons, and silverfish s'mores! - So, how many boxes can I put you down
ga970309 -- for? - Is that a tiny beret?
ga970310 -- - -
ga970311 -- You can't do this to me! - I demand the right to call my attorney! - Now get me a telephone book, bozo! This is too easy.
ga970312 -- Know what? Life's just too short. - SMACK - Boy, the irony is so thick, you could cut it with a knife.
ga970313 -- Cat! - smack - Uh-oh. - Bernie! Are you okay?! What can we do?! Subscribe to a bigger magazine.
ga970314 -- - gobble munch smack gulp -
ga970315 -- Burp - Big meal? You bet. - A whole fly! What a pig.
ga970316 -- - * dingle * dingle Uh-oh... - SHOOM WHUMP! * dingle - pant pant pant pant * - pant pant pant * dingle * dingle - YAAHH! * pant pant I'd say they've broken at least three city ordinances, right, Bubba? I didn't see nothin'. Let's gat a
ga970316 -- doughnut.
ga970317 -- I'm depressed, Garfield. - After I'm gone, no one will care that I ever existed. Hey, cheer up, Jon. - They don't care now.
ga970318 -- Z lap lap lap lap lap - lap lap lap lap - lap lap lap lap Jon! Odie's drinking of of the toilet again!
ga970319 -- Soon Jon's food will be mine! - I at elunch early today. Oh, great! - Now, what am I supposed to do with this sneaky expression?!
ga970320 -- Prepare for a stomping, daisy! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?! - A daisy MY size? Hey, Luther! - You want a piece of this, cat?!...C'mon! C'mon! Wake UP, Garfield...waaaake UP.
ga970321 -- Sad news from home, Garfield. - "Dear son: your pet hog, Earl, has passed away." - "Enclosed are some delicious sausage patties". Well, I'm through grieving. Let's eat!
ga970322 -- ...and don't you forget it! - - You forgot it, didn't you? I forgot it before you finished saying whatever it was.
ga970323 -- Gaar-field. - How about a kitty treat, Garfield? - flip - Sorry, only one treat per kitty. - - WHOP! - Wow! FIVE kitties.
ga970324 -- Hello, Linda? ...Jon Arbuckle... - OK, I'll wait. - She's putting me on her answering machine. Ouch.
ga970325 -- Marsha, will you go out with me? - Say yes and I'll be happier than a hog with a mouth full of slop. - Hello?... Platitude Man strikes out again.
ga970326 -- Think of this way, Julie. - Going out with me is better than a stick in the eye. - Put the stick down, Julie. Never give'm options, Jon.
ga970327 -- I'm going to impress my date, Garfield. - She'll see how neat and organized I am. - I'm taking my sock drawer. The Binky the Clown socks should stay home.
ga970328 -- My date is in show business, Garfield. - We met at the carnival. - Tonight I dine with "Zelda, the Toad Woman". Don't forget to take a jar of flies.
ga970329 -- Garfield, I'm gonna slug down this root beer... - Then I'm gonna go talk to that chick. - BURP! CRETIN! Ah, love.
ga970330 -- - - - - - Woo...that's even too much for ME...
ga970331 -- Garfield, how would you like breakfast in bed this morning? - Sure. - Fill 'er up!
ga970401 -- I can't stand the smell of this paint! Don't worry, the Bumsteads have invited us over to their house. - You mean we're moving to a different comic strip? Just until the paint dries. - Even for april fool's day this is ridiculous!
ga970402 -- BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - The volume needs adjusting. squeak squeak - bark! bark! bark! bark!
ga970403 -- There's Harry Rogers. - "Most likely to succeed". - That's Patty Harrison. "Most likely to become famous". - There's me. "Most likely to date a kitchen appliance."
ga970404 -- Garfield, go out and get the paper. - - All right, all right! I'll mow the lawn!
ga970405 -- knock knock knock - - Opening day of flea season. Honey, we're home!
ga970406 -- Z - Garfield! Z - Dinner! - scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot - scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot - You are incredible. First food, then compliments.
ga970407 -- I've decided to take up jogging. - Which will go well with my other hobby... - ...lying.
ga970408 -- Hey, Garfield, let's play "catch". - BOINK - I said, "catch". I prefer "Ricochet".
ga970409 -- We need some action around here! - - Wiggling your ears doesn't count. Then YOU think of something.
ga970410 -- This book is about faithful pets, Garfield. - Pets who risked their lives to protect their owners. - You wouldn't be interested. What about the time I ate that hot pizza to save you from burning the roof of your mouth?
ga970411 -- Garfield, I'm home! - Some pets scamper to greet their owners. - But, not yoooou though. I believe the keyword is "scamper".
ga970412 -- Here comes Jon. I'd better look busy. - - Rats! I forgot how!
ga970413 -- - TONK - Good evening, ladies. - BONK! - And gentlemen. - DONK DONK DONK - And you kids, too.
ga970414 -- This morning I had a bowl of cereal with strawberries. - When I turned my back, a mouse ate them. - What do you say, Garfield?! We have strawberries?
ga970415 -- Do you know what's going to happen when I catch xou? - Not really. - Let's ask Jon. Maybe he knows.
ga970416 -- Those mice are too much, Garfield. - Either they go, or I go! - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! What's that noise? That's twenty mice dragging your suitcase down the stairs.
ga970417 -- I came within an eyelash of catching that pesky mouse today. - I'm back from Hawaii! - Okay, maybe it was several eyelashes.
ga970418 -- The mouse escaped. - I mean, the mouse escaped. - You're not fooling anybody. How about this? The mouse...
ga970419 -- Don't come out here, mouse, or you'll regret it. - You'll really, REALLY regret it! - Why? Because it's really, REALLY boring out here.
ga970420 -- boop * beep boop - I'd like to order a pizza... - Make it large... - With onions... - And mushrooms... - And anchovies. - And hurry. I earn every bite.
ga970421 -- You look like you're ready for a nice climb Fat chance! - There's a bird's nest on the third branch from the top. - Liar! Sucker.
ga970422 -- Do trees have feelings? Like love...hate...pain? - Oh, pain, definitely. Really? When? - Right now. You're standing on my root. Sorry.
ga970423 -- Climb you? What do you think I am, a dope? Will you scratch my back then? - scratch scratch scratch Ahhh...higher...higher...higher... - Hey! What a dope.
ga970424 -- Jon will rescue me. He worries when I'm not around. What a great guy. - Good ol' Jon. He should be here any minute now. - Where is that dork?
ga970425 -- - - Have you hugged your tree today?
ga970426 -- Come on, climb me. No way. - You'll be sorry. Yeah, right, What are you gonna do about it, bark breath? -
ga970427 -- - Fetch the ball, Odie! - - Good boy! - You threw that ball in my spaghetti on purpose! - Don't be silly. - Now, fetch the garlic bread...I mean, ball again, Odie.
ga970428 -- Garfield, we have to talk abou this thing you have for food. - It's getting out of hand. - There are lip prints on the refrigerator. I can be very affectionate.
ga970429 -- It certainly is a... - BOOT! - Pleasant day.
ga970430 -- - I had a combing accident this morning. - Were there any survivors?
ga970501 -- Cats are good. - Cat hair is good. Hair balls are good. - Hair balls are our friends. Sensitivity training.
ga970502 -- You WILL go out with me? All right! - When? - How long is a millenium? You'd better start getting ready.
ga970503 -- Jon forgot my fork. - -
ga970504 -- - Hey dipwad, time to feed the cat! - Take a moment out of your pathetic existence to care for your living pet, you dork! - - I...I guess I'll, uh...fix your dinner. - ZIP - And make it snappy, geek boy! I love this thing.
ga970505 -- Look, Garfield! - It's the 24-hour sock drawer channel! - Welcome to "Darning for Dollars"! All right! I think I'll go dust off the radio.
ga970506 -- First we caress the meal with our eyes... - Then we allow the scent to permeate the room... - Then we shove our face in the plate and inhale! snort! grunt! gulp! I knew she'd crack.
ga970507 -- So one accountant says to the other, "you're so accrual, you don't depreciate me anymore!" - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I don't get in. - This has been "Inside Joke Theater". Figured.
ga970508 -- Now it's time to play "Name That Pain"! Listen carefully, contestants... - Ouch! Eeech! Yaaach! Yeeech! Oiiiieee! BZZZT - Pat, that's a guy who forgot to take all the pins out of his new shirt! I knew that one! Go figure.
ga970509 -- slap slap slap slap slap slap - slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap -"Ninja Sissies" will return in a moment. Where's the remote?
ga970510 -- Welcome, th "Ed, the Wonder Ca-... CLICK - ...the adventures of "Lothar: Mouse Warrior"! - I hope those batteries wear down soon.
ga970511 -- Z - You are accidentally locked inside a pasta factory. - You are roaming by endless rows of grinders and sifters and cookers when... - A familiar aroma beckons you. - It's a huge, steaming vat of lasagna! - You are seconds away from the
ga970511 -- greatest feast in history! - RIINNG
ga970512 -- Z - Z - Ever have a day when you just can't wake up? Z
ga970513 -- BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK - Beware Of The Dog
ga970514 -- Garfield, I'm giving you a bad attitude award. - Oh, great. What am I supposed to do with this stupid... - Say, I AM good.
ga970515 -- - - We're being annoying in shifts.
ga970516 -- This is a personalized cologne, Garfield. - They match your personality with just the right scent. - It's called "Eau de Geek". Smells like a pocket protector.
ga970517 -- I worked on a jigsaw puzzle for eight hours. - As it turned out, there was a piece missing. Small world. - I worked on a puzzle for eight hours, and there were 499 pieces missing.
ga970518 -- - - - - clickety clickety clickety - Sigh - Time sure crawls when you're waiting for the pizza delivery guy.
ga970519 -- Look, Garfield! - A new brand of kitty treats! - They're shaped like little running mailmen. "Sugar sweetened civil servants," I like it!
ga970520 -- Garfield, if you're reeeeal good today... - I'll give you a kitty treat. Hmmm. - Looks like I have to maul him for the box again.
ga970521 -- - YAAHHH - HOOOOOOOOO New "lasagna flavored" kitty treats.
ga970522 -- Sorry, pal, we're out of kitty treats. - I might pick some up when I find the time. - Any coupons?
ga970523 -- A new goldfish! Wait! I'm not just any fish. I'm a magic fish. - Yeah, right. Really! I can grant your fondest wish. - Okay, I wish for some tartar sauce. He's not buying it.
ga970524 -- What have you got in your mouth, Garfield? Nothing. - Garfield?! - It's NOT one of those birds that looks kind of like a sparrow, but isn't. I forget what they're called.
ga970525 -- Hmp! - Look at you, you lazy lump! - Get up! Move around! Exercise! - Go outside! Breathe some fresh air! - Go to the library! Read a book! - You're still sitting there, aren't you? Yup. - Goooood, I have trained you well.
ga970526 -- Forget it, Garfield. - You had lunch just an hour ago. - Stop living in the past, Jon.
ga970527 -- Odie is chilly, so I'm going to help him put on socks. - -
ga970528 -- That's me at the prom. - Out theme was "Dairy Products for Strong Bones". - I was voted "King of the Udders"! Nice costume.
ga970529 -- Garfield! - Did you break this lamp? - Only that bottom half there.
ga970530 -- It's fun time! - - Maybe the clock is slow.
ga970531 -- Laugh, and the worls laughs with you! - - Get a live, world!
ga970601 -- - - - - - - I am never, ever taking you through a car wash again. Can I have that i writing?
ga970602 -- Hmmm... - "Scorpio: travel highlights your immediate future". - WHACK
ga970603 -- Hi! I'm new around here. My name's Myron. - Put 'er there! - This is a good day.
ga970604 -- Hey! I thought I squished you yesterday! Nah. - You only got my leg. - Wanna sign my cast?
ga970605 -- What happened to you? The cat squished me flat. He hates spiders. - You're not alone. - He hates flies, too. Ouch.
ga970606 -- What do spiders do for fun? - Well, me, I like to read. - Knock yourself out.
ga970607 -- - SPLUT - Nothing worse than a clever arachnid. hee hee hee
ga970608 -- - Spider! You'r elooking good! Yep... - Just had the body cast removed yesterday! - I also had the stitches removed last week, and I don't have to wear that nech braze anymore. - The doc says I'm as good as new. The only thing that hasn't
ga970608 -- returned yet is... - SMACK! - ...my memory.
ga970609 -- Coffee, the perfect diet drink...it's low cal. - SCHLURP - And high octane!
ga970610 -- I bought some "gourmet coffee," Garfield. What do you think? - PHHHT - Okay, I'm gonna go out on a limb here...
ga970611 -- - The coffee took my donut. - Coffee strong enough for you? Yeah, but the donuts are too weak. Burp.
ga970612 -- snap snap - - Will that be all, master? For now, but stand by for crumb detail.
ga970613 -- I heard SOMEone is turning nineteen soon. - - Have you been blabbing again?
ga970614 -- You're getting older, you're getting... - ...you're getting...uh...ummmm...uh... - Now what was I thinking about?
ga970615 -- Z - Gaaaaarrr-fiiieeelld... - Come to me, Garfield. - Commmmme to meeeee... - Come toward the light, Garfield... - Come to the liiiight... - Get out of there!
ga970616 -- I feel old, Squeak. How old are you? - I'm going to be nineteen. WHOA! - ...I mean, oh, really!
ga970617 -- tap tap tap - - hee hee hee hee hee hee hee Just wait till YOUR next birthday!
ga970618 -- Okay, Garfield, I've done all th emath. - With your daily average of 18 hours of sleep timeas your age, you've slept for 14 years and 3 months. - The best years of my life!
ga970619 -- Wow... - Is it warm in here, or is it just me? - Happy birthday! It's just me.
ga970620 -- Big dinner date tonight, Garfield. - I'm pulling out all the stops. - Yessir, I'm using the drive-up window tonight! Well hello, Mr. Snooty.
ga970621 -- Harriet, if you ever leave, I'll pull myself out by the roots! - GULP - Did I say "roots"?
ga970622 -- mmmmm - AHhhhhhh - There's no better feeling than lying in cool grass on a warm summer night. - Garfield, time for bed! Rats. - - - Put it back-
ga970623 -- You didn't do anything remotely resembling work today, did you? - - Well, dinner was kind of cheway.
ga970624 -- - - He doesn't drink it. He just spreads it around the house.
ga970625 -- Z Z - PA, THE CHICKENS ARE DROWNING! - Z Recurring farm nightmare.
ga970626 -- Do you know what's fun? - - Me neither. A rare moment of candor.
ga970627 -- May I speak to the man of the house? - - Define "Man".
ga970628 -- Are you certain this is the right amount of chili powder to add to this dish? Absolutely! - FOOF! - Now pitch it out and order a pizza.
ga970629 -- - Beware Of The Dog - Seriously, This Dog Is Bad News! - All Right! All Right! I Don't Have A Dog! - I wanted A Dog, But Nooooo! "Too Stinky, Mother Said..." - Well, I'LL SHOW MOTHER! I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!! - Beware Of The Man In The Dog Suit.
ga970630 -- Did you see that beautiful woman? - She smiled at me! - Was that before or after she pointed an laughed?
ga970701 -- Chicks likeintellectual guys. - So I'm boning up on classic literature. - "Here's Mr. Butterly, visiting Miss Daisy...." The man's reading a coloring book.
ga970702 -- Hey there, chicky-boo, chicky-boo-boo-boo. - Tell me, are you obnoxious, or just plain stupid? - That's for me to know, and for you to find out. Today we're stupid.
ga970703 -- So, Sarah, you don't care for my personality? - Well, the joke's on you, Sarah! - I don't have a personality! He's got her there.
ga970704 -- - Do you believe in love at first sight? - I have a brick in my purse. Must be a code.
ga970705 -- Sigh... - Garfield, what is my purpose in life? - To make others feel superior?
ga970706 -- - AHHHH - - AHHHH - - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ga970707 -- See the lazy cat. - See the lazy cat take a nap in the road. - See the steamroller... WAKE UP, CAT!
ga970708 -- Hey...this isn't water... - It's CHICKEN STOCK! - There goes my sparrow gumbo.
ga970709 -- I'm training Odie to be a watchdog. - Now Odie, if a burglar broke into the house, what would you do? - That is correct! Make me a ham sandwich!
ga970710 -- Got my beach ball, got my fins, got my surfboard. - EEK! - I'll get your trunks.
ga970711 -- This lotion is supposed to prevent sunburn. - Want some, Garfield? Nope. Don't need it. - I could use some eyeholes, though.
ga970712 -- What do you think, Garfield? - You're asking the wring guy, Jon. - To a cat, a sandcastle is nothing more than an outhouse with turrets.
ga970713 -- - What a great day! I hate going to the beach with Jon... - HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! - SHARKS! - RIPTIIIIIiiiiide - TIDAL WAVE! - He always has to be the center of the attention. WATER SPOUT!
ga970714 -- Gee, it seems a shame to wake him. Z - But on the othe rhand... Z - This oughta be a good show. Z
ga970715 -- Check out that cute girl over there! - And check out her big boyfriend returning with ice cream! - Actually, it's kind of refreshing.
ga970716 -- O-die! O-die! - - GARFIELD!
ga970717 -- That's it, Garfield. I've asked every girl on this beach out. - And they all said no. - Even the one with the hairy back? Even the one with the hairy back!
ga970718 -- This whole trip to the beach has been a complete failure! - I didn't meet a single girl! pat pat There, there... - YEOOW You'll always have your sunburn to keep you warm.
ga970719 -- Eww! A dead fish! - A dead, stinky, smelly, disgusting fish. - What's that smell?
ga970720 -- - ...5-4-3-2... - chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa -GULP! - BURP - chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa chuffa - The ol' 5:05, right on time.
ga970721 -- Run for your lives! - There's a glacier headed this way! - It'll be here in forty million years! Get out of the refrigerator, Garfield.
ga970722 -- Odie and I are going to take a walk. - Bye! - And don't change the locks again. Sure, blame the cat!
ga970723 -- Isn't nature thrilling, Garfield? - Nature is boring. - You're staring at the wall. Then your wallpaper is boring.
ga970724 -- I'm in a bad mood. - - Relatively speaking.
ga970725 -- Look, Garfield, I made a cheese sculpture! - Very nice. - Esoteric, yet piquant.
ga970726 -- I love the night. I sense the woodland creatures fleeing in terror before me. - - I hate the night.
ga970727 -- * RING RING - ** RING RING *click* - This is Jon Arbuckle. Leave your name and message at the tone. *beeeeeeeeep* - Hi, Jon? This is Tami, the professional cheerleader you met at the pizza parlor... - I can't stop thinking about you! Call me.
ga970727 -- My number is- - CLICK CLICK RIIIIIIIIIP STOMP - I can't BELIEVE he had pizza without me!
ga970728 -- I feel my primal instincts welling up from deep within my soul. - I must return to my wild jungle roots! - Call me a cab.
ga970729 -- - BOO! - I thought cats were supposed to be high-string. Gimme time. This is only my second cup.
ga970730 -- Here, kitty, kitty. - Good kitty! - Whoa, a surprise ending.
ga970731 -- Studies prove that cats DON'T always land on their feet. - How's that limp, Jon? Keep away from me. - I land on OTHER people's feet!
ga970801 -- Here's an article about a cat who rescued people from a burning building. - I'll bet you couldn't do that. Sure I could. - Gimme some matches.
ga970802 -- sniff sniff . Do I smell tuna? - They make cologne for cats now.
ga970803 -- - - He's gonna say it. - I just know he's gonna say it. - It wouldn't be Jon if he didn't say it. - 4...3...2...1... - What a long train. ARRRRGH!
ga970804 -- Two visible doughnuts for me. - And two INvisible doughnuts for you. - Give me one of those. Now, now. Don't be greedy.
ga970805 -- - - Next time *I* get to pick what we do.
ga970806 -- This is what's left of the couch. - - scratch scratch scratch
ga970807 -- I hope you appreciate how hard I work preparing meals! - Ouch! - Trouble with the chip bag again? I got a paper cut.
ga970808 -- Ellen won't let me come to her party, Garfield. - I'm so depressed. - At least I have one friend to be with me. I'd love to, but I have a party to go to.
ga970809 -- Z BRRINNG! - Z rrrrriiinng - Z Z
ga970810 -- Whew! - - GOOOSH - grab shake shake shake - PSSSSHHHHHT! - Aw, is the kitty warm? - Joke. That was a joke.
ga970811 -- Millions of years ago, dinosaurs ruled the earth. - Hold it. - This isn't about the last time you had a date, is it?
ga970812 -- Hey, Lori, how about dinner? - Well then, how about lunch? Brunch? Breakfast? - What if I dirve by your house and throw a cheeseburger out the window? Be carefult not to grovel, Jon.
ga970813 -- Ellen, if you don't go out with me, I'll die. - It's just a figure of speech, Ellen. - No, you can't have my computer. Can I have the TV?
ga970814 -- I only need to do one more thing to get ready for my date! - boop boop beep boop beep beep beep boop - Hello, Sheila? Say, what are you doinf tonight? You're pathetic!
ga970815 -- The chicks don't return my calls, Garfield. - I haven't had a date in months. - I must be very intimidating. Welcome to Jon world.
ga970816 -- Hi, Suzy. I'm Jon, your blind date. - So where would you like to eat tonight? - You have a craving for raw meat? At last, a real woman.
ga970817 -- - - - - ! -
ga970818 -- I'm going to put this cake somewhere that won't tempt you. - Let me do it! - Temptation's gone!
ga970819 -- Go away. - - And stay away.
ga970820 -- pat pat pat - It's ninety degrees. - And we're out of powdered sugar!
ga970821 -- I'm bored. - I've got a bat stuck in my hair! - Some people have all the fun.
ga970822 -- Disgusting. - She was referring to you. She was referring to you. - Maybe she was referring to herself. Let's go with that.
ga970823 -- The Cat Is Stoopi* - aHEM klak klak klak klak - The Cat
ga970824 -- Hi, cat. Hi, tree. - Climb me. I don't know. That branch doesn't look very safe. - Try it and see. Oh, all right. - CRACK - SPLAT! - claw claw claw claw claw Ahhhhhhh - The things I'll do for a good back scratch.
ga970825 -- I'm stuck! I can't get up! - All right!
ga970826 -- What would happen if I were as lazy as you? - - I wouldn't have to answer your insipid questions.
ga970827 -- - - I'll be doing my own chewing today. Don't strain anything.
ga970828 -- I thought I told you to move around today. - - Jon has obviously not factored in the rotation of earth.
ga970829 -- Don't you have anything to do? - I've been keeping an eye on that crack in the ceiling. - NOW I don't have anything to do.
ga970830 -- You ought to be ashamed, you lazy, worthless, pathetic excuse for a pet! - - Ah-HA!
ga970831 -- - Mom fixed me up with a blind date tonight. - She says she's got a great sense of humor. Excuse me. - BWAH-HA HA HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAR HAR HAR - GAH-HA! HA! GASP! SNORT! WAH Ha! Ha! Ha! *wheeze* cough...cough - Do continue. - She won first
ga970831 -- place at the country fair in the pork rind eating contest. Excuse me again.
ga970901 -- You're the ugliest little boy I've ever seen. - - You think I'm little?
ga970902 -- Odie is plotting. - - He's plotting to rub his paws together.
ga970903 -- Garfield is timing my run. - How'd I do? - Okaaaay...go! click
ga970904 -- I'm going to go grout the bathroom tile now. - - That gravy was NOT too thibk!
ga970905 -- Do you think glasses would make me look smarter? - Let's find out. - No, you still look stupid.
ga970906 -- ARF! ARF! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BOW-WOW! WOOF! WOOF! YIP! YIP! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Watchdog on vacation. Please bark at yourself. ARF I feel silly.
ga970907 -- - Attention shoppers - ...will the owner of a red sedan - ...license number TB-312 - ...please return to your car. Your lights are on. - ...again. - UNLOCK THAT DOOR! Did you bring me anything?
ga970908 -- Welcome to "Quantum Physics And You". - click click click WHOA! Look out! - Whew! I almost saw something worthwile.
ga970909 -- Welcome to "The Loud Show". - we're loud, we're proud... - AND WE'RE MEAN, TOO!!
ga970910 -- It's time to open the door... Here comes the scary part. - creeeeeeek... I can't look! - Ah, a perfect souffle! Whew!
ga970911 -- Here we see a lion eating an antilope. - - Pretty icky, huh? I'll say. No table linen!
ga970912 -- My next guest is a prehistoric monster. - Who rose from the depths of the earth to stomp on Tokyo. - And has written a book about his experiences. Of course.
ga970913 -- I'm getting the TV fixed, Garfield. - I can't stand watching you stare out of the window... - Clicking the remote. Change! Darn you! click click click click
ga970914 -- - We'll return after this message from our sponsor. - Wow! - SLAM! SPREAD SPREAD SALT SALT SALT Pour Pour Pour Chop Chop Chop SLAM! Look at him go! What form! What precision! - PATTA PATTA PATTA PATTA PATTA PATTA ...what grace? - And then he
ga970914 -- chokes in the homestretch! Now back to our show...
ga970915 -- I've just been remembering the good times. Good times? - I must have been asleep. - You were asleep. Hey!
ga970916 -- I kick Odie this way... BOOT! - And then back this way... KICK! - IT's like I never kicked him at all!
ga970917 -- I feel stress. Me too. - Burrrrrrrrrrrrp - Now I don't.
ga970918 -- I'm fetching the paper for you, Jon. - But it's rather heavy. - So we're going to do this in installments.
ga970919 -- Hey, everybody! Garfield caught a mouse! - He's playing with it, then he's going to eat it! - Is your back feeling better now? Just a few more minutes.
ga970920 -- Garfield, I have some chores for you. Happy to help. - - One of these days.
ga970921 -- - A-hem Get lost, tubby. - Fat chance, fatso. - Sigh... - - Well, hello there. - Finally! - Someone who loves me for ME!
ga970922 -- Fear not, cat! I will not bite you! - For *I* am a pacifist. - You look like a spider to me.
ga970923 -- This is a little game I call "boo-whack". - BOO!! EEK! - WHACK
ga970924 -- How's the wife and kids? You SQUISHED them yesterday! - Oh...yeah. - This is what's know as an "awkward moment".
ga970925 -- Do you know what I just learned? - - Spiders are lousy swimmers.
ga970926 -- Cat. meet my friend Petey the Tick. - Howdy-do. - SKLIK Hey! What do you think you're doing?! - He owed me money!
ga970927 -- Hmm. I don't remember squashing those spiders... - Is he gone? Yeah. - Frank, you're a genius! You do what you hav eto do.
ga970928 -- Systems Activated - Target Search - Enhance - Locked on - Fire - WHOP - Did you get the paper? No, it got me.
ga970929 -- Garfield, I've figured out your problem. - It has to do with self-esteem. - Too much of it. That's "too much of it, SIR".
ga970930 -- Look behind you, Odie! - whap whap whap whap whap - I love that dog.
ga971001 -- I think I have it now, Garfield. - Yessss! - Darn! The man is screwing in a light bulb.
ga971002 -- You're planning to bite me, aren't you? - Why would you say that? - You put mustard on my hand! Let me have a closer look.
ga971003 -- Hope you didn't eat the meat loaf, Garfield. - It's been in the fridge for six months. - Anybody who eats that has only minutes left. Just enough time for dessert then.
ga971004 -- Sigh - Why not show some enthusiasm for life? - SIGH!
ga971005 -- tap tap tap BEWARE OF THE DOG - Sorry, cat, I can't bark at you today. Why not? - I have a sore throat. Hey, no problem! - Mom's home remedy will have you barking again in no time! Really? - First you take a bath towel and soak it with
ga971005 -- ice-cold hose water...then- - SCHLAPP! - BARK BARK ARF ARF ARF BARK ARK ARF ARF Good ol' mom.
ga971006 -- Garfield, I'm going to take some time to reflect on my life. - - Gee, that didn't take long. Like scuba diving in a shot glass.
ga971007 -- I can't breathe! - I'm passing out! - THUD! Better go back to the clip-on ties, Jon.
ga971008 -- I'm going for the record, Garfield. - Three hundred consecutive days without saying the word "beans"! - Darn. I wonder if there's a place to go to buy a life.
ga971009 -- Time to celebrate, Garfield! - It's Renaldo Smit's birthday...the father of stamp collecting! - The hot cocolate will flow tonight! I have the urge to perforate something.
ga971010 -- Life's not fair, Garfield. Let's be realistic. - Remember, you can't always get everything you want. - YOU can't. *I* can.
ga971011 -- I need to change my image. - - You have an image?
ga971012 -- Rats. - click click click click click - RATS - click click cli- - RATS - cli - ARRRGGHHH No one can lose at computer games faster than Jon.
ga971013 -- There's an exciting world out there! - - There had better be food on the front lawn.
ga971014 -- SHOVE - Heh, heh, heh. - Heh, heh, heh.
ga971015 -- These pants are very uncomfortable. - - Possibly because that's a shirt.
ga971016 -- GULP GOBBLE SNARF GULP - Every time I watch you eat, I lose my appetite. - He's onto me.
ga971017 -- I had nothing to do with it! - - THUD Timing, Garfield! Timing!
ga971018 -- I wonder if this coffee is any good? - I'll give it the "Dunk Test". - It's goooood.
ga971019 -- click - In the news... - Giant bugs invaded a television station today! - Giant, news-reading bugs. - Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat! - Giant, news-reading bugs, who are mildly amused by attempts to swat them with a magazine...ha,
ga971019 -- ha-HAAA! - Resistance is futile! Submit, humans! - Come on, get to the sports scores.
ga971020 -- Help! Help! - This looks like a job for super dog! - WHACK! Flew into a fire hydrant.
ga971021 -- Jon wants me to watch this tape. click - Hi! Uh, this is Jon Arbuckle, and I'd like to present the Garfield Workout Video! - Z You're a funny man, Jon Arbuckle!
ga971022 -- - Why are you trying to change the channel with a candy bar? - BURP Uh-oh.
ga971023 -- Here comes the old slowpoke, Mister Three-Toed Sloth... - And who's this? Why, it's Mister Anaconda! - My, that don't take long! I'll bet they're darn tasty, too.
ga971024 -- Woof! Woof! - Just like a dog. - Uh, woof? Forgot his lines.
ga971025 -- I wonder if a visit from my little sock puppet buddy "Bubba" would liven things up around here. - - Not much occurs to Bubba.
ga971026 -- - poke poke Z - - - poke poke - -
ga971027 -- What are you supposed to be? - - I'm a cat with dark glasses and a fake arrow through his head, holding a rubber chicken, genius!
ga971028 -- Here's Doris Blasko, my high school sweetheart. - Doris was very mature for her age. - She was first in our class to have facial hair. Not every woman can wear mution chops.
ga971029 -- Hey! Where's the rest of my laundry? - Missing laundry, you say?! - This sounds like a job for...THE SOCK!
ga971030 -- You're wearing my socks! That's why they cal me "THE SOCK" - This is the worst! Not really... - Meet my sidekick, STINKY!
ga971031 -- Is there any crime that needs fighting around here? - No? - That's good, because I'm just a cat with a sock on my head.
ga971101 -- - ALL RIGHT! - The first Christmas commercial.
ga971102 -- - Sigh - The leaves are falling, and soon I'll be catching snowflakes on my tongue... - ! - Amazing. - Can I call 'em, or can I call 'em? - PTUI! PTUI! PTUI! PTUI!
ga971103 -- Garfield, I think your stomach should be a little smaller. - - Well then maybe WE should try standing a little farther away.
ga971104 -- It was a beautiful day in scale land. - Suddenly, the little forest scales went silent. - I hate it when he does it. A huge shadow fell across the land...
ga971105 -- I think you're too fat. - - Get back to me when you're absolutely certain.
ga971106 -- Hi, fatty. - ...fatty-fatty-fat-fat-fatso. Fat-fat-fatty-fat-fatso-fat fatster-fatty-fat-fat... - Fat-fatty-fat-fat... I'm counting the days till his batteriy dies.
ga971107 -- click - click - And here we are at the Wisconsin Cheese Festival. Diet time.
ga971108 -- - You are fat. - Fatter, after you scarf that eclair.
ga971109 -- Sigh... - Boy, am I depressed. - bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz - tease tease tease tease - tease tease tease tease - ree ree ree paint paint paint - Funny...I feel better. I do what I can.
ga971110 -- I hate this diet. - * * ** ** * ** * - ** * * ** * * ** WAAAHH! Ice cream truck.
ga971111 -- The perfect diet snack! Fat-free, unsalted pretzel sticks! - - munch munch munch
ga971112 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - Okay! You can have something besides celery for a snack! If you insist.
ga971113 -- So, how goes the diet, Garfield? - - And what are my new shoes doing in this pot of boiling water?! Tenderizing.
ga971114 -- This diet has been pretty rough. - But at least I haven't had any of those weird hallucinations this time. Excuse me... - May I borrow a cup of giblet gravy? Don't look, Garfield. Don't look.
ga971115 -- Your weight is none of my business. - Garfield... - Did you fiddle with the scale? That's none of your business.
ga971116 -- sip - How's the diet going, Garfield. Very well, thank you, Jon. - SNARF - sip - SCARF - sip - We wouldn't be cheating, would we? Whatever gave you that idea?
ga971117 -- I wonder if I'll be remembered when I'm gone? Sure you will. - People will say, "we sure miss..." - Ol...ol' what's his name. snap snap snap
ga971118 -- - PUMPA PUMPA PUMPA - Idle paws are the devil's workshop.
ga971119 -- Cereal is not healthy. - Oh, it's nutritious enough.... - But, ever try to pass a decoder ring?
ga971120 -- Yee-ha! Get along little doggies! - Howdy, pardner! - If he were a bug, I'd step on him.
ga971121 -- Ellen, this is Jon. - CLICK - Don't grovel, Ellen. I won't go out with you. The man's trying to impress a cat.
ga971122 -- - - Synchronized boredom.
ga971123 -- How about a nice little game of "stomp the spider"? - I'm warning you...you'd better not pick on me, cat! And what happens if I do? - I'll tell my big brother! Fine! Bring him on! - Hey, Rusty! C'mere! - Yeah? This big, stupid cat says he's
ga971123 -- gonna stomp me! - - Can I have your CDs?
ga971124 -- Jon, I don't think you appreciate what a great hunter I am. - I'm living in a mouse paradise! - Nice timing!
ga971125 -- - - They're getting smarter.
ga971126 -- I haven't seen you chase the mouse lately. - It's part of my ingenious plan. - First I'll lull him into a sense of security, and then I plan to do absolutely nothing about it.
ga971127 -- You aren't much of a cat. - Am so. Is so.
ga971128 -- Jon's caught some mice in his cage trap. - That's not what bothers me. - It's when they clang their tiny cups against the bars.
ga971129 -- Today the mouse gets a taste of my wrath. - Don't watch if you have a weak stomach. - Hey! Who's changing the channels?! click click click
ga971130 -- - Well, Garfield, my head's stuck in a wastebasket... - My hands are caught in pickle jars... - And my date's coming ans minute? What'll I do? Hold still. - That should do it. - ** DING DONG - Funny how things work out.
ga971201 -- Garfield, I made a list of goals for myself. - Learn to juggle... - And get a date for new years. Whoa...in this millenium?
ga971202 -- RUNK-itta - brap brap - brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ga971203 -- Nutrition quiz, Garfield. Which vitamin does yor body need most? Grease. - What is energy food? Meat that's still moving. - What is the most important meal of the day? 4 A.M....a bag of chips and a bowl of dip.
ga971204 -- - 25 - Yes, Garfield, I'm aware Christmas is coming.
ga971205 -- I'm writing a letter to Santa. - How quaint and old-fashioned. - *I* sent him an E-Mail.
ga971206 -- Hey, Estelle. - Look up. - Cute, Frank.
ga971207 -- - Hey, Garfield, want to help me with my letter to Santa? Yeah, right... - As if Santa hat the time to read every single... - * BING - - - A sleigh bell! - ...and a catnip mouse, and a new dish, and a scratching post, and...
ga971208 -- Mom usually slips a little something into my Christmas card. - All right! She didn't forget! - Mashed potatoes! Ooo, could mine have gravity?
ga971209 -- Hmmm... - -
ga971210 -- Put your finger there so I can tie this bow. - Thank you. - Thank YOU. Bring that back!
ga971211 -- Nope....no....no....not that...nope. flip flip - Sigh... - He's so hard to buy for.
ga971212 -- So, how was your visit with Santa at the mall? Great. - Santa was in a playful mood. - Ever hear the one about the elf and the blender?
ga971213 -- How cute. Christmas cookies shaped like little doggies. - - Okay, who bit all the heads off?
ga971214 -- - Okay, Garfield, go plug the tree lights in. - PLUG - Hmmm. Nothing. - I'd better check the connections. - click ZZZT - I absolutely MUST have the number of your stylist. I'm still not speaking to you.
ga971215 -- - - I got the Christmas lights up. I know. I saw it on the evening news.
ga971216 -- Do you leave anything out for Santa on Christmas eve? Oh, sure. - A glass of buttermilk, and a dead fly. EEEWWW - BUTTERmilk?
ga971217 -- This looks like a nice tree. - WHOA! - For that price we ought to leave this thing up till july! Sure...what's another month, month or less?
ga971218 -- UNNGH! EERRGH! GAAHH! Jon's been struggling with that Christmas tree stand for hours. - I give up! CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP - Why don't we just decorate you?
ga971219 -- I'll leave your present under the tree if you promise not to peek. You have my word. - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - I'll hide it. I'll find it.
ga971220 -- - -
ga971221 -- - - - - Hmmm - So much for the scientific approach. - Okaaaay...what is it?
ga971222 -- Nice hat. Thanks, I made it myself. - Would you like one? Sure. -
ga971223 -- Check your weight? I don't know... - Hey, hop on! 'tis the season to be jolly! Well, okay. - HO! HO! HO! YOU'RE FAT!
ga971224 -- I remember Christmases back on the farm... Ohhhboy! - Christmas eve everyone would gather around the tree and sing carols. - Of course the cows would just hum along. Just a liiiittle more information than I needed.
ga971225 -- Peace on earth, and goodwill toward men. - - Dogs, too.
ga971226 -- How can Christmas be over so quickly? Now I have to start waiting all over again. - -
ga971227 -- What a great time of year. A season of love, peace and giving. - SLAP SLAP GRAB OW! SWIPE SWIPE OWIE! OWIE! OWIE! SCRATCH - But, all bets are off when it comes to the last Christmas cookie.
ga971228 -- - - - - - - -
ga971229 -- Garfield, it's that time of year. - Time to pull out my little black book... - And find a date for new year's! boop beep boop Welcome to touch.tone twilight zone.
ga971230 -- Hi, Sandra. I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me on new year's ev- Pardon? This is a wrong number? - Oh, as well as I have you on the line, how would YOU like a hunky date for new year's? - BOY, he had a high-pitched voice. Oop-sy.
ga971231 -- Dear friends, Well, the year is coming to a close, and what a year it was! - Uhhhhh.... - A year to end all years. Yessiree, what a year it was. Way to fill.
ga980101 -- It's a new year, Garfield! - I resolve to be less geeky, and more sophisticated. - ...he said as he blew chocolat emilk bubbles into his Binky the Clown mug.
ga980102 -- How was YOUR new year's? - I had a quiet evening at home. Wanna ask me how MINE was? - No.
ga980103 -- It's a new year. Yep. - Well then, don't you think it's time to take the old calendar down, you big, fat idiot? Yep. - Me and my big mouth. Yep.
ga980104 -- Garfield! Odie! - Dinner is serverd! - CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA - GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP - CHUGGA GALLOP CHUGGA GALLOP CHUGGA GALLOP CHUGGA GALLOP - screeee screeeeeee
ga980105 -- Last year was an okay year, Garfield. - But this year is gonna be even better! - OW! ...as Mister Spoon meets Mister Eye.
ga980106 -- Odie should spread his happiness around. - KICK! - Now there's happiness in the living room.
ga980107 -- - - Need a refill? No thanks. Mine should be back in a few minutes.
ga980108 -- I'm in an artistic mood! - I'm going to paint a painting! - Where to start? Cut off an ear.
ga980109 -- - - RING! So, how's YOUR friday night going?
ga980110 -- I wonder if I look like royalty in this crown. - Nice hat, fat boy. - The guillotine would be too swift for him.
ga980111 -- GAR - FI... - ELD! - - KICK! - Ooo...I bet that hurt. - - - CRASH! - Get well soon!
ga980112 -- As a cat, I love to explore the unknown. - Nothing behind me. - That's enough exploring for today.
ga980113 -- Garfield, do a trick, and I'll give you a kitty treat. - - Can't you be normal? You've seen this one?
ga980114 -- Meow. - Meow. - Okay, what di I just say to you, Garfield? You said, "meow," you idiot.
ga980115 -- Look at all of this cat hair! - HA! - This one's a dog hair.
ga980116 -- Jon hasn't moved in hours. - I'm pretending I'm a cat. - If you weren't way over there, I'd hit you.
ga980117 -- I'm amazed that cats think balls of yarn are fun. - - That makes two of us.
ga980118 -- - - - - - Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! - Dog in a pickup truck.
ga980119 -- A little to the left....a little more... - And a teeny bit back to the right.... - Okay, now come straight ahead slowly.
ga980120 -- Odie! You're going to be late for work! - Go get 'em tiger! - Why is Odie trying to start the car? I love that dog.
ga980121 -- What's that thread? Sort of a souvenir. - - And where are the curtains? In that big by window in the sky.
ga980122 -- Crumbs! - You know what that means, Garfield? Yes. - There's a wounded donut somewhere around here.
ga980123 -- Listen to THIS, Garfield... - "Are you breathing? Are you a mammal? Do you walk upright? I'm single and desperate. Call me at 555-2......" - Oh, wait. That's MY ad. What the heck. Call. Maybe you'll get lucky.
ga980124 -- My car won't start. - Of course, that's better than yesterday, when it wouldn't STOP. - You say that as if I could have been the only cat who could have tampered with your brakes.
ga980125 -- All dressed up and no place to go. - Mommy, look! It's the circus! - No, dear. But that man is dressed like a clown! - And there's one of those trained pigs! - No, dear. It's just a man in a bad suit. WAAAH! - And an overweight cat. WAAAH! -
ga980125 -- Excuse me, sir, would you mind squirting seltzer down your pants? Ever been bit by a pig, kid?
ga980126 -- Coming up next, "The Cat: Nature's Perfect Predator". - HA! - What's with him?
ga980127 -- FORE! - thwock whock - Looks like you hit into a hazard, Floyd. You don't know the half of it.
ga980128 -- - Look! A banana cream pie! - He's gone, isn't he?
ga980129 -- Someone has been stealing my chocolates. - And I want to know who! - You there!...with the zits!
ga980130 -- 'night. 'night. - GARFIELD! -
ga980131 -- What happened to you? - I lost a contact lens. - You're gonna have to return the salad bowl.
ga980201 -- - - - - - Oh, Garfield. - We need to talk.
ga980202 -- Dark, rainy, depressing... - We might as well go back to bed. - I'm so happy I could cry.
ga980203 -- - - Savoring the moment.
ga980204 -- I wish Jon was here. - - I've had to annoy myself all day.
ga980205 -- My grandfather was a wise man, Garfield. - He put me on his knee and said, "Jon...! - "You can't milk a dead cow." Sounds like gramps was a few corn dogs shy of a picnic.
ga980206 -- I'll have a hamburger, fries and a chocolate milkshake. Yes, sir. - What would you like, Garfield? - One of those boxes, right next to my bed.!
ga980207 -- - - Did you ever sneeze when you had a mouthful of crackers?
ga980208 -- click - John... Marsha... - Oh, John. Oh, Marsha. - John, John, John. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. - John, John, John John. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. - CLICK - George... Shirley...
ga980209 -- You know, Garfield... - I like women who are impressed with my intellect. - So you're saying you like really stupid women.
ga980210 -- Hi, Tami, it's Jon Arbuckle. - - You're supposed to turn me down AFTER I ask you out. She wanted to get right to the good part.
ga980211 -- So, Bernadette, how about dinner and a movie? - ...lunch and a bike ride? - A cookie and a crossword puzzle?! Toaster crumbs and a knock-knock joke?
ga980212 -- beep boop beep Watch and learn, Garfield. - Hi, Linda? It's Jon. - Oh, PLEASE don't hang up on me! Oh, please oh please oh please oh PLEEEZE. Class dismissed.
ga980213 -- You like your men to be macho? - I'M macho! - Except when I get the giggles. click. click
ga980214 -- Have you seen the flowers I bought my date? Ate 'em. - And the candy? Ate it. - And jewelry? Hocked it. Bought more flowers and candy.
ga980215 -- Z - Garfield, wake up, time for bed. Z - - - * - - SMACK
ga980216 -- A foot of snow fell today. - But, it was concentrated in a very small area. - Figures.
ga980217 -- - Hot chocolate? - Is it any wonder I keep him around?
ga980218 -- zzzzzzz Know why cats love sliding on ice? - SSSSHHHHHHH - Built-in chains.
ga980219 -- Garfield! - Why is there a snowman in my bed?! - Why, it must be his nap time.
ga980220 -- - pat pat pat - Z
ga980221 -- I'm very sorry. sir. Please apologize to little Timmy for me. It won't happen again. - Oh, Garfield. - About your hobby...
ga980222 -- pat pat pat - Hmmm... - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - Can we talk? - Can we talk?
ga980223 -- * DING DONG Time for the mail. SPLOT - GARFIELD! Would you like to sign for that, sir?
ga980224 -- pat pat Poor Garfield. He doesn't stand a chance against me. - For *I* have the element of surprise. - He'll never know what hit him.
ga980225 -- You throw that snowball at me, and you can kiss this dinner goodbye. - - KISS
ga980226 -- - SHOONK - GAAAAHHHHHHH Two olives, a carrot, an ice cube tray, a little snow, and it's fun time.
ga980227 -- Very cute. What do you call it? - SPLOT - A clever ruse.
ga980228 -- I give up! YOu win the snowball fight! - I'm no match for you...let's stop this right now! Okay. * TWANG - Just give me a minutes to unhook my booby traps. SPLOT SPLOT SPLOT SPLOT SPLOT YAAAH!
ga980301 -- - - STOMP - weeeeeeeeeee - - weeeeeeeeeee -
ga980302 -- Z - SLURRRP! - Are you getting up this morning, Garfield? Wake me up when dogs are extinct.
ga980303 -- I'm going to commune with nature. - Fine. - I'll stay in and commune with the throw rug.
ga980304 -- Ha! Ha! Look at those floppy ears! - Look at those droopy jowls! - And look at that reach.
ga980305 -- Stop me if you've heard this one. - An ostrich walks up to a farmhouse with a monkey under his wing... - Heard it.
ga980306 -- Big date tonight, Garfield. - RIP! RIP! It must be. - He's using the "good" magazine cologne samples. pat pat
ga980307 -- Nobody understands me. - You're a selfish pig. - But, what do I know?
ga980308 -- - - RIIINNG * - Hello, Jon? It's Lisa. - What time are you picking me up tonight? - BUURRP - * ...got a date with an angel... Not anymore.
ga980309 -- You should learn to appreciate the beauty of the great outdoors. - Good idea. - Put the skylight there.
ga980310 -- I'll go out and work hard, while you just lie there and do nothing. - - I'm being sarcastic. But that doesn't mean it's not a good idea!
ga980311 -- I'm thinking about going off to seek adventure! - Or maybe adventure can come here. - I hope it calls first instead of just popping in.
ga980312 -- I just thought of something for us to do. - SMACK - I just thought of something for me to do.
ga980313 -- Garfield, there's a mouse in the kitchen. Tell him to bring me a sandwich. - Well? - Garfield, you're fired! And hold the mayo.
ga980314 -- I ate so much I can't move. - - Which is the only reason I stopeed eating.
ga980315 -- - - - - - - Glacier impression.
ga980316 -- GARFIELD! - What do you call this?! - I call that "backscratcher avec cat hair".
ga980317 -- Do you want to go for a walk, Odie? - Do you? Yip! Yip! Do you, huh?! Yip! - Well, don't be gone long.
ga980318 -- - - I started without you.
ga980319 -- Guess your weight? Sure. - You're fat. - Now step on and we'll see if I'm right. Hm...two insults for the price of one.
ga980320 -- Here comes the ferocious cat! - muss muss muss muss muss - * DINGDONG His date is here and I hid his comb!
ga980321 -- I know Garfield! - I'll stuff my mouth full of bananas... - Then you tickle me! We are the bored.
ga980322 -- - bzzzzzzz - EEEEEEYAAAHHH - SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SMACK WHOP SMASH KSSSHHH - bzzzz - EEEYAAAAHHHH - SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH SWISH KSS SMASH CRASH! CRUNCH Obsessive behavior is not a pretty thing.
ga980323 -- * DING DONG - ? - Why didn't I think of that sooner?
ga980324 -- - - pant pant pant zzzzzzzz
ga980325 -- I'll lure that fly closer by putting on this mask. - Here, fly. - SWAT - Bad dog!
ga980326 -- So, you want a housefly bumped off? Let's talk... - I work alone and my take is fifty percent. - Do it quickly and you can have the whole fly. Hey, Guido likes what Guido hears!
ga980327 -- Whatever happened to that annoying fly? - BURP - Excuse me. Ask question, get answer.
ga980328 -- SWAT! - - bloop
ga980329 -- - Hi, cat! Hi, tree. - How about a climb up the new, improved me? How so? - It's spring! I have al new bark... Uh-huh. - All new branches...all new leaves... Uh-huh...uh-huh. - All new baby bird nests... - And the same old lies. HEY!
ga980330 -- Here's something you never stop to think about... - Do you realize that one-seventh of your life is spent on monday? - Ptooey! Now the inside of my outh is all black! Newsprint will do that.
ga980311 -- I owe Odie an apology. - PUSH CRASH! - Now I owe him two.
ga980401 -- Somebody put dish detergent in the mouthwash bottle. - You wouldn't know anything about this, would you? Whoa... - Well?! I can see myself in your teeth.
ga980402 -- - Iced ketchup isn't so bad. - I think we've put off shopping just a little too long, haven't we?
ga980403 -- Well, it's friday night and I have places to go! - I'm not here! - I'm off doing something exciting! Try hiding behind the curtains. That will fool me.
ga980404 -- Ah! The first flower of spring! - GULP! - Now let's find that first robin.
ga980405 -- Okay...make it good. - HELLLLP! ROWWRRR! - SCREEEEE - There's no escaping this time, mouse! - BRAVO! - Thank yew Thank yew Too much, really.
ga980406 -- Cats are mysterious creatures. - - Years ago, somebody lost the operator's manual.
ga980407 -- I only shed one hair this afternoon. - - But I had a busy morning.
ga980408 -- - Oh, no! - I'M using the cat brush! Gee, I don't yell when I use his toothbrush.
ga980409 -- Look at that cat hair! - What are YOU upset about? - I'M the one it seems to be following.
ga980410 -- You look full, Garfield. - You must have been out hunting. - Out there stalking your prey. I slashed the tires on a donut truck.
ga980411 -- How's it going? Oh, great! - You broke my concentration! - Now I'll have to start shedding all over again!
ga980412 -- - Breakfast! - - - - - Lunch. Yawn. scratch scratch
ga980413 -- BRRIIIINNG - SMASH! - I hate mornings. I'm not too crazy about 'em, either.
ga980414 -- Could you possibly be more annoying? - - I had to ask.
ga980415 -- Hey, fatso, you're standing in my light! - Move it, blubber-bottom...NOW! - Smatter, are you fat AND deaf?! Yeees, it's stomping time.
ga980416 -- Where's my pie?! - That's the fifth one this week! - Hey, there's a tunnel down here! Rats.
ga980417 -- You're breaking our date? But I already have a reservation at "Hank's House o' Heifers". - Sure...I understand. - No, Garfield.
ga980418 -- It takes a skill to properly eat an ice cream cone. - It takes balance. - And good cone-to-mouth coordination. I can't see!
ga980419 -- - Hey, big, orange, and ugly! I'm not afaid of you! - SMACK! - What're you trying to do....tickle me?! - SMACK SMACK SMACK - ....is that the best you can do, tubbo?! - SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK - Herb, are you okay?! Say something! - That
ga980419 -- assertiveness training seminar was a REAL stupid idea.
ga980420 -- I cut my finger on your cat food can. - It was awful. I bled a lot, and I nearly fainted. - But you got the can open, right?
ga980421 -- I'm not cutting my fingers on cat food cans anymore! - Drom now on it's cat food in a BAG! - OW! Paper cut.
ga980422 -- I had this shirt on inside out all day, but nobody noticed. - Jon, I'm sure everybody noticed. pat pat - Nobody CARED.
ga980423 -- Did you push my bed out the window?! - Sorry. - I didn't mean to wake you.
ga980424 -- SLASH! - -
ga980425 -- I had an ice cream cone today. - - Not long enough to eat it, of course! Get over it.
ga980426 -- Yes, Garfield... - Somewhere out there is the girl for me! - - - - - I get the point!
ga980427 -- - I have both arms in the same sleeve. - I think it's best to keep walking.
ga980428 -- One thing wrong with dogs: YIP! YIP! YIP! - YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! - No on/off switch. YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP!
ga980429 -- I can't BELIEVE how terrible this dinner tastes! - GULP! - Nice try.
ga980430 -- - Don't you dare eat me! - Nobody /burp) likes a pushy guppy.
ga980501 -- TWANG! THOT! - Ha! Missed again! That's four! - Now it's my turn to be William Tell. Ahhhh, friday night.
ga980502 -- plip - bzzzzzzzz - Fly paper.
ga980503 -- bip beep boop - Hi, Ann? It's Jon Arbuckle. - Remember me from high school? We were in math an english together, - Uh, yes, I was the one who used to run down the halls screaming, "Ann, Ann, She's A MAn". - Well...I was wondering if you'd
ga980503 -- like to go out with me.... - CLICK - Boy, talk about holding a grudge. I'd knock her down from four "Hubba-Hubbas" to three.
ga980504 -- This is my new college intern, Biff. - - Is there something I should be doing? You've got a lot to learn about being a cat, Biff.
ga980505 -- Okay, college intern Biff, do you know what a cat is supposed to do with a ball of yarn? - Knit a sweater and sell it to buy food? - Wow, and I was just guessing. I'm starting to like this kid.
ga980506 -- Remember, Biff, a cat can't do too little. - - I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Attaboy.
ga980507 -- What should I do now, sir? Go practice your menacing glare. - I'll get right on it, sir. You do that. - Who are you, and what do you want? Fear me, sir.
ga980508 -- Ah, the fragile fluorescent butterfly... - What can be said about the beautiful butterfly? - Tastes like chicken?
ga980509 -- I'm expecting an important call. - - Dinner! Bingo!
ga980510 -- Okay, how many cards? Three. - ...and the dealer takes one. - I'll be two... - - - Call, and raise. - I'll yell at him after he stops winning.
ga980511 -- schlurp - ZOING - Just how many scoops did you use?! Scoops?
ga980512 -- Thanks for the use of your pen. - Too bad it ran out of ink. -
ga980513 -- One minute I'm freezing, the next I'm burning up. - I think I'll go lie down. - Fun with the thermostat.
ga980514 -- What happened to that last piece of pie I was saving? - - You're cute when you're stupid. pat pat
ga980515 -- Well, it's friday night and Jon doesn't have a date. Know why? - Do there wax lips make me look sexier? - Duh...
ga980516 -- Nothing lasts forever. - - Except whatever is in the back of the refrigerator.
ga980517 -- I hear footsteps. - Here comes the cat. - Hey, fatso! We're not afraid of you! We've got you outnumbered! - United we stand! Right, pal? - bzzzzzzzing! Pal? - SMACK! - You all right? Go fly into a windshield.
ga980518 -- Garfield, all you think about is food. - Me, I'm reading a book. - "Moby Dick". We're out of Tartar Sauce.
ga980519 -- I don't want to be disturbed. - You got it. - I'll stand lookout.
ga980520 -- The ghost crept closer and closer... - Suddenly, it...GRABBED HIM! - AIEEE! That part always scares him.
ga980521 -- This book is about a very brave man. - He can't be braver than you, Jon. - My dinner is five minutes late.
ga980522 -- This was our annual school pageant. - "A salute to area livestock growers". - I was the happy pig boy. He tells people these things.
ga980523 -- Here's a cat who can predict earthquakes. - Why can't you do something like that? - I once slept through an earthquake.
ga980524 -- shuffle shuffle shuffle - shuffle shuffle shuffle - shuffle shuffle shuffle - ZZZT - Hee hee hee. - shuffle shuffle shuffle - STOMP
ga980525 -- RING! - Whew! There's nothing worse than waking up from a bad dream. - RIINNG Unless it's waking up to a bad reality.
ga980526 -- - - The tail bone's connected to the face bone.
ga980527 -- - You know, Garfield...I'm not your butler. I know. - Butlers get paid.
ga980528 -- BARK BARK BARK BARK - Is that all you can do? - * A little black dog sat on the porch and Bingo was his name... * If I let him bite me, maybe he'll quit.
ga980529 -- Hiya, fatboy! - STOMP! - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Hiya, lefty.
ga980530 -- I'm going to climb up on the roof to replace a shingle. - Wanna help? Sure. - I'll call the ambulance.
ga980531 -- clac clac clac - - Ah. - AH - AH! - - chew chew chew
ga980601 -- On with the show! - - Off with the show!
ga980602 -- You're my kind of crowd! - - One with a lousy aim!
ga980603 -- Are there any requests? - Yeah, hit yourself in the face with a brick! - Any requests from a non-dog?
ga980604 -- Hey, you're a beautiful crowd! I love ya. I mean it. - - Oh. There you are.
ga980605 -- The audience is gazing upon me with rapt attention! - Z Z Z Z Z Z Z - Or sleeping with their eyes open.
ga980606 -- Thanks for coming! - You've been a great crowd! - Didn't wake up one.
ga980607 -- Hear ye, knave! - Grovel before the Mighty Rubber Chicken! - Get lost! You have offended the chicken! - I'm gonna burn that thing. His fate is sealed! - Know the wrath of the chicken! - WHACK! - May I see that? The Mighty Chicken senses
ga980607 -- hostility!
ga980608 -- You look cheerful this morning. I do? - That's weird...I'm in a TERRIBLE mood... - C'mon face...get with the program!
ga980609 -- BEWARE OF THE SHAGGY DOG - Ha! Ha! Ha! You look like a big, stupid mop! - That IS a big, stupid mop.
ga980610 -- I'm going to close my eyes, when I open them, I don't want to see your ugly face. - - If I laugh, I'll only encourage him...
ga980611 -- Do you know what my dinner could use? - More cat hair? - Less cat hair! I figured it was one or the other.
ga980612 -- I heard you've got a birthday coming up, cat. Yep. Number twenty. - - Want me to cut that up for you?
ga980613 -- So you're gonna be twenty? I don't want to talk about it. - Have you tried denial? What's so great about denial? - Cheaper than wrinkle cream, pal. Go away.
ga980614 -- - - - - All right! You don't have to remind me! - I know I have a birthday coming!
ga980615 -- You look down, cat. My birthday is coming up, scale. - How many years? Twenty. - Wow. Old AND fat.
ga980616 -- Oh, great...just who I DON'T need to see. Why? - If you must know, I'm having a birtday soon. I thought it smelled "old" in here. - Where's Nermal? Out getting some fresh air.
ga980617 -- You have to calm down, Garfield. You're obsessed with getting older. - poink! - A GREY HAIR! Welcome, brother. We've been expecting you.
ga980618 -- Happy, birthday, cat! Here's your present. - - I wrapped it myself. So I see.
ga980619 -- Well, it's time to look back, and take stock... - Time to count my blessings... - Happy 20th birthday, Garfield! Time to start lying about my age.
ga980620 -- BEWARE OF THE DOG - - OUT OF ORDER
ga980621 -- - This is a dull day. - WHO'S READY TO HAVE FUN? - WE COULD SORT LAUNDRY! - CLEAN OUT THAT AREA UNDER THE SINK! - MAYBE EVEN TIE OLD NEWSPAPERS INTO A BUNDLE! - And there's a lot to be said for dull.
ga980622 -- I made your coffee the way you like it. Hang on. - - Okay, pour away.
ga980623 -- KICK! - qssssshhhhhhh - Decoy. sssssss
ga980624 -- I've been working to improve my memory. So, how's it going? - - I've been working to improve my memory. So, how's it going?
ga980625 -- Today's the big, Garfield... - Today we change the light bulb in the refrigerator! - I'm masking my indifference with a veneer of detachment.
ga980626 -- * RIIINNG - May I speak to the moron of the house? - Could you be more specific?
ga980627 -- Even though I'm not very hungry, I guess I ought to eat a little something. - CHOMP CHOMP GOBBLE SNARF GULP GULP GULP chomp - Burp...just to keep up my strength.
ga980628 -- - - BOOT! - pssshhhh - - BOOT! - - Uh, Garfield?
ga980629 -- click click click click click Rats! The channel changing button is stuck! - click click click click click - click click click click click sAAaaay....
ga980630 -- The All-Cat Channel presents "The Budget Chef"! - Today: How to make your rat last a whole week! - That stew has whiskers. And only three grams of fat!
ga980701 -- The All-Cat Channel presents "The Piece of Dangling String Show"! - -
ga980702 -- Here, a pride of lions prepare to gorge themselves. - They roar in triumph over their prey. - Now we see them pass out linen napkins and finger bowls. Sissies!
ga980703 -- Oh, Cecile, my darling...I love you Madl-Mad-MAAAAAACCK! - And I love you, Reginald! With all my hear...hear-HAAAARRRK! - HAAAACK! HAAARRK! Hairball theatre.
ga980704 -- click . "CLICK" YOURSELF! - How was TV tonight? Touchy.
ga980705 -- - Walking against the wind. - Trapped in a box. - Leaning against nothing. - Oh, Garfield. Yes? Have you seen my New Mongolian mime fish? - I caught his dinner show. You have rogue on your teeth.
ga980706 -- - THUD - Too lazy to walk around me, right? You'll move one of these days.
ga980707 -- - Cat in the WASTEBASKET! - That game doesn't last very long, but it IS fun!
ga980708 -- Need any help? - Thanks, Jon. - Now I'll finish in half the time.
ga980709 -- I'm taking Odie for a walk. - - Couldn't find a leash.
ga980710 -- Why do you have a tail? - Jon, Jon, Jon. - It keeps me from tipping over.
ga980711 -- You know what I could use? - Three gallons of strawberry macadamia nut ice cream? - Some time alone. More for me.
ga980712 -- - STOP! - Don't come any closer, or I'll jump! Don't do it, Huey! You have so much to live for! - It's me, your wife Greta...and your forteen seedlings! NYEH... - Your mom and dad are here, too, along with your minister and the entire church
ga980712 -- choir... EHHH - And all 32 of your brothers and sisters! ...even your old great-aunt rose is here, all the way from- AHH - CHOOO - Boy, if that weren't so silly, it would be pretty tragic. sniff
ga980713 -- Life has its ups and downs. - - I have ups! I didn't say anything.
ga980714 -- chew chew chew chew chew - chew chew chew chew chew chew - Will you swallow?! Only if there's more food. chew chew chew chew chew
ga980715 -- Odie is going to bury his bone! - Odie, Odie, Odie...
ga980716 -- My back itches. - SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT - Better? A little more to the left.
ga980717 -- Jon told me not to overdo it today. - By the waa, I was being sarcastic. - Too late. Once my not overdoing momentum's built up, it's hard to stop.
ga980718 -- I read to improve my mind. - - More ooks! I need more books! Are you trying to tell me something?
ga980719 -- - - - - - Musta been that bad can of tuna last night.
ga980720 -- I can't seem to get anything done lately. Me neither. - No matter how hard I try. - What a concept!
ga980721 -- You have a few character flaws, Garfield. - Why thank you, Jon. - One of them is thinking insults are compliments. WHOA! Thanks again!
ga980722 -- Don't bother me while I'm reading. - - You know you didn't mean that.
ga980723 -- - - We need more starch.
ga980724 -- Zero. - Still zero. - How are the sit-ups going? Darn! You made me lose count!
ga980725 -- It's kick-Odie-across-the-room day! - BOOT! - Also known in some cultures as "saturday".
ga980726 -- Drive thru! Drive thru! I see it, I see it. - May I help you? - Two Happy Burgers and two fries, please. - Would you like a Happy Burger today? - Yes, I want two Happy Burgers. Any fries with that? - Yes, two fries! O.KK, how about some Happy
ga980726 -- Burgers? - Ain't technology great? TWO BURGERS! TWO FRIES! May I help you?
ga980727 -- I wonder what's going to happen to me THIS monday? - THUD - Cool! A sinkhole, right here in the kitchen.
ga980728 -- I like to think of myself as a macho guy. - Good for you! - I like to think of myself as skinny.
ga980729 -- - GARFIELD! - I don't recall you applying for a permit to build a bay window...
ga980730 -- Garfield, get the paper please. - Herman Stinks! - You need to have a word with that mouse across the street.
ga980731 -- Do you know what I'm going to do to impress my date tonight, Garfield? WAIT! - glug glug - Didn't want it to come squirting out of my nose.
ga980801 -- BURP - - When did we last have kielbasa?
ga980802 -- Stay tuned! click - And now... click - Coming up next... click - Presenting... click - Here's... click - Welcome to... click - Anything good on? click How should I know?
ga980803 -- ...and so life in Happy Meadow returned to normal for everyone. - Except for Larry the Squirrel. - Who was eaten by the cat. I love a happy ending!
ga980804 -- This soup lacks something. - Hmmm... - A can opener?
ga980805 -- I've made a few mistakes in my life. - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! - Like looking to you for sympathy, for instance.
ga980806 -- Strange. - This is a picture of me taken when I was considering a career in medical research. - That explains the white rat suit.
ga980807 -- You can't intimidate me, Garfield. - No matter how hard you try. - And, I'm guessing you aren't trying really hard.
ga980808 -- Welcome to the show! - ZIP thud! - That was our big finish, dummy!
ga980809 -- Sigh - What a nice sunset. - Garfield! Dinner! - snap! snap! No! Forget it! - SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! I said no, and I MEANT no! - SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! ERRRGGHHH - You don't train cats...cats train you. Will
ga980809 -- that be all, sire?
ga980810 -- Remember me? - SMACK! - You do look familiar.
ga980811 -- - BRIIIING - Danny! What happened to you? WHAAAAT?
ga980812 -- - Garfield... Like it? - Bagged him in the bathroom.
ga980813 -- We spiders can grow to be pretty old. - Guess how long I'M gonna live. - C'mon, c'mon... Is this getting easier, or are spiders just getting stupider?
ga980814 -- Spare my life and I'll do anything for you! - Anything? ANYthing! -
ga980815 -- zip - smack! - Good work, Guido. Here's your fly. Hey! The deal was for TWO flies!
ga980816 -- What a beautiful morning! - Who needs shoes on a day like this? - Yesiree, Garfield, there's nothing like the feel of fresh cool gradss on your fee-  Hey! There are ANTS in this grass! Ow! Ow! Owie! Ow! - A garden snake! YAAAAH! - HOT! HOT!
ga980816 -- HOT! HOT! - GAAH! GUM! - Shall we have a moment of silence for this man's dignity?
ga980817 -- As the master of the house, I get to tell you what to do. - Fair enough. - And as the cat of the house, I get to ignore you.
ga980818 -- - munch munch - Salad? Wht am I, a rabbit?
ga980819 -- All right, you caught me...now what? - Uh, I don't remember. We could sing a song. - MEOW ** MEYOW SQUEEK SQUEEK * ** I don't even want to know.
ga980820 -- Fido, here's your final "Pet Quiz" question. - How much is one plus one? woof, woof... - Woof? Dogs?
ga980821 -- Hello, Susan, would you like to go to a movie? - Well then how about just getting married? - I hope you won't scream like that in front of the kids. He's scaring ME.
ga980822 -- It's wonder dog! Flying through the air... - Searching out evil wherev... SMACK! - Hard to do from the windshield of a 747. Turn the wipers on, Doug.
ga980823 -- Okay, I'll bite. - So why do you want to go to the north pole, Garfield? - Birds. flap flap flap flap flap - ZIP - In tuxedos. - PUNT - Who can't fly. I'll make the reservations.
ga980824 -- Ha! - I'll bet my day was more boring than yours! - Sure, you had to spend it with YOU.
ga980825 -- Do you know what words I live by? - I give up. - Well, am I right?
ga980826 -- You know, Garfield... - I believe you've stopped shedding. - Yo! Jon! Over here!
ga980827 -- Ha, ha, ha. Stop it, you're killing me. - Ha, ha, ha. That's a good one. - Are you ready to hear my joke? Hang on. Ha, ha, ha.
ga980828 -- Do you think it's warm enough for these shorts? - Let me put this as delicately as I can, Jon. - If we were on the surface of the SUN it wouldn't be warm enough for those shorts.
ga980829 -- Okay, how about the saturday after that? How about the saturday after that? - How about the saturday after that? How about the saturday after that? tap tap - Yes? Earth to Jon...
ga980830 -- ffft - ROWR WOOF! - Woof? - Arf? ...ruff? - Bow-wow? Yip? - Rowf? Roof? Dumb dog. - BARK!
ga980831 -- I'm in a bad mood, and the world will have to suffer the consequences. - - I think the world is hiding.
ga980901 -- Question, Garfield. Shoot. - Did you take my butterscotch flounder souffle? Nope. - I just borrowed it.
ga980902 -- Nothing brightens a room better than flowers. - - Have you tried turning on the light?
ga980903 -- I wish I had a motto. - That's it! - "I wish I had a motto". Catchy.
ga980904 -- Don't throw that brick at me. No problem. - And don't drop it on my foot. NOW we have a problem.
ga980905 -- I worked hard all day and now I'm tired. - Poor Jon. - You know, it's possible to get tired without all that hard work.
ga980906 -- - - - - - - ALL RIGHT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! At the moment, making you nuts.
ga980907 -- Just look at you. - Life is passing you by, Garfield. - Make sure it shuts the door on the way out.
ga980908 -- - FIRE! -
ga980909 -- Every cat has two sides...lazy and spunky. - - Sadly, "spunky" is no longer with us.
ga980910 -- You haven't moved for hours. - At least give me a sign that you're still breathing. - Z
ga980911 -- Garfield, why don't you get up and do something?! - YAAHH! - Don't ever do that again! I can't win.
ga980912 -- squeek squeek - - I get it! Ha, ha, ha!
ga980913 -- Hey, you! - Yes? I'm "Jitters" the coffee bean! - This has to be a bad dream. This is what you get for drinking coffee before bed! - Woo! Woo! Woo! Pretty scary, huh? Uh...yeah. - Why don't you just percolate on along now? Oh, a wise guy,
ga980913 -- huh?! - O.K. Mugsy, rough him up a little! Mugsy? - You want a piece of this?! Huh? Huh?! C'mon! From now on it's a glass of warm milk before bed for me. Carlotta the crazy cow! That's your cue!
ga980914 -- I have something for you, Garfield. - It's the Golden Slop Through Award! - Congratulations. I'd like to thank all the little slobs.
ga980915 -- Odie was chasing his tail. - * - Now he's trying to lull it into a false sense of security.
ga980916 -- I've just been talking to this tree stump. - It's better company than you are. - You two have more in common.
ga980917 -- I'm wearing a new cologne, Garfield. - It's called "Canadian Love Call". - They say it really, really works. But, did you read the fine print?
ga980918 -- I think I'll take a walk. Me too. - - Well, let's go. I thought we were just thinking it.
ga980919 -- No, I understand...get well soon. - Ever girl I've asked out is sick. - What a coincidence. The lights are on, but nobody's home.
ga980920 -- Where is he? - Gaaar-field! - - GARFIELD! - - GAAR-FIELD! - Do I hear a "pleeeeease"? pant pant pant
ga980921 -- I'm going out into the woods to commune with nature! - Are you coming along? That won't be necessary. - I'm sending nature a postcard.
ga980922 -- Would you like to go on a nature hike? - - Couldn't we get flowered wallpaper instead?
ga980923 -- Garfield, we're going outside. No way. - We'll walk in the woods. I SAID I'm not going. - We're going bird watching. I'll get my dart gun.
ga980924 -- Hello, good-looking. - She called me good-looking! - Hello, good-looking. Now she's talking to a tree.
ga980925 -- Look over there, Jon! - As you can see, there are cats much fatter than I am. - Oink. I'm sure he meant to say "meow".
ga980926 -- You can't improve on nature. - You're right, Jon. - Unless we put a hot dog stand right over there.
ga980927 -- - - - Uh, Garfield... Uh-oh, he suspects something. - Quick, do something cat-like and endearing to distract him. - pssst pssst - MEYOOO I still smell meatloaf.
ga980928 -- - "My Owner's A Dork"? - That has better be a TEMPORARY tattoo!
ga980929 -- Boys, I think it's time for a hug. - - That's the way.
ga980930 -- Sigh... - - Only Jon would carry around the picture of the girl that came with the wallet.
ga981001 -- I'm contemplating my place in the universe. - - May I use that line next time I'M goofing off?
ga981002 -- You don't want to go out tonight? - How about I come over and serenade you? - I thought bazookas were illegal. Aim for the banjo, lady!
ga981003 -- Good night, alarm clock! - I'll see you in the morning! - Me and Mr. Mallet I'll be sleeping in.
ga981004 -- - - SMACK! - - - - The simple pleasures are the best ones.
ga981005 -- Chase that mouse! - Jon wants me to chase you. Tough. - Well?! How do I get into these things? Tell him mice have rights! smack!
ga981006 -- veeeeeeee - ....gggrrrrrrr - How come WE don't have an electric coffee grinder?!
ga981007 -- An invisible mouse! - - Cats are so strange. You said it, pal.
ga981008 -- nok nok Mouse...you home? - Yeah, I'm down in the cellar. Cellar? -
ga981009 -- Wow. Yeah. - What a view! Sir, would you mind? Sigh - click
ga981010 -- There's no peace around here. - You wake up from a nice nap. - And somebody's teased your tail. hee hee hee
ga981011 -- - - - - - - I'm giving the bride away. GARFIELD!
ga981012 -- Let's have som efun! - - Any ideas? Oh, I thought this was it.
ga981013 -- Odie, you shouldn't stand so near the edge! - PUSH - You'll be much safer down there.
ga981014 -- RING! - Hello? No, this isn't Zontar, King of the Pig People. - Strange call. No time to visit. I'm headed to my lodge meeting.
ga981015 -- I got a letter form my brother. - It's in secret code, just like when we were kids. What's it say? - "Whoever reads this is a poo-poo head". They've come so far.
ga981016 -- I now have an answering machine, an E-Mail address... - ...a cel phone, AND a pager... - For anyone who wants me. Jon, there's a fatal flaw in you premise, here.
ga981017 -- If you wad up a whole bunch of donuts into one clump, it's like you're not having very many! - - Jon, can you help me pick this up?
ga981018 -- - How was your day, Jon? - I removed this thread from my car seat. - ...and the entire car collapsed in a heap. - My teeth caught fire while I was brishing them this moring. - The elecric comapny called. Even though I paid the bill, they're
ga981018 -- going to shut off our power, just for the heck of it. - Same old, same old, huh?
ga981019 -- Someday, instead of just sitting there... - You'll all be interacting with your televisions! - Who came up with that stupid idea?
ga981020 -- The All-Cat Channel presents "Cooking with Catnip". - And now your host, chef Fluffy - WHOOO-PEEE! I think Chef Fluffy's been raiding the ol' pantry.
ga981021 -- Welcome to "Moo Like Fred". - Moo moo moo moo click You gotta be kidding! - Welcome to "Cluck like Chuck".
ga981022 -- The All-Cat News Channel presents... - Tonight's round table debate... - "Liver or Tuna?" Ooo, this could get ugly.
ga982023 -- What an awful show. - Why in the world did we watch that? - Because we couldn't reach the remote.
ga981024 -- You think you're so big and bad...that remote control doesn't scare me! - Oh, yeah? Well, then how about... - This?! A BOOK! YAAAHHH!
ga981025 -- sweep sweep sweep - - sweep sweep - sweep sweep sweep - sweep sweep - STOMP - Oh, where's the compassion?! You want compassion? Rent "Bambi"!
ga981026 -- Welcome, spider, to my humble home. Why, thank you! - kick back and relax, my friend. Hey! You're not the big fat jerk the other spiders say you are! - Oh, and sign our guest book. WHAP
ga981027 -- Nothing exciting ever happens to me. - SMACK - Not that that's a bad thing.
ga981028 -- Let's be friends! Okay. - SMACK! - That's how I treat my friends, pal.
ga981029 -- Boo! - YAAAHH! - Where's my fly? I owe you.
ga981030 -- I'm back! - SMACK! - Did you mis sme? Believe it or not, no.
ga981031 -- - - Somebody close that window!
ga981101 -- hic hic hic hic - hic hic hic hic hic hic - HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC hic HIC hic HIC HIC HIC HIC hic - Whew... - - hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic
ga981101 -- hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic
ga981101 -- hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic - Sure.
ga981102 -- hic hic hic hic hic hic - HICCITTY HICCITTY HICEY-HICKEY HUC-HUC HUC HUC ICCITTY HUC HUC HUC HUC ICCITTY - Freestyle hiccupping.
ga981103 -- They say scaring a person cures the hiccups. hic hic hic hic - BOO! - HIC
ga981104 -- I'm sick of these hiccups...I wish they'd just disappear. hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic - - I'm sick of this dog...
ga981105 -- I wonder if getting a tattoo would make me more macho? - A tattoo? - Aren't you the guy who screams when he clips his toenails?
ga981106 -- Dull, dull, dull. - This isn't a hat! It's a beehive! - Weird, weird, weird.
ga981107 -- My date hit me on the head with her purse. - Not hard, though. - And it was sort of a glancing blow... Do I hear wedding bells?
ga981108 -- - Are we there yet, papa? Fleas! - There it is, my friends...the big cat. - It is a stable land...the beast seldom moves. - We will settle here, build our homes and raise our young. - We will plant crops. We ill sing and dance! - We will
ga981108 -- start a volunteer fire department! Spray me quick.
ga981109 -- Second, third, fourth... Cute, cute, cute... - Fifth, sixth... Cute, cute... - Seventh grade... WHOA!
ga981110 -- That's Mary and Denny and me. - They were elected king and queen of the prom. - I was the court jester. Sir Dweeb.
ga981111 -- Lorna Grubsky, my school sweetheart. - Her parents ended our relationship. - They said I would grow up to be dull. The Grubskys were prophets.
ga981112 -- Looking at this old photo album sure makes me nostalgic, Garfield. - Sigh. - I'll call her "Cousin Suzy". I hate it when he goes to rummage sales.
ga981113 -- See the cow. - See the cow being milked. - Now what have you learned? Steak comes with a free beverage?
ga981114 -- I wonder if time travel will ever be possible. - I hope so. - Then I'll be able to come back and avoid this conversation.
ga981115 -- - Hey, cat! You'd better watch your step tonight! - I brought along my buddy, Ricky Roach! You mess with me, and you'll have to answer to the rickster, here. - click - skitter skitter skitter ZING! - STOMP! - Sorry, the light hurts my eyes.
ga981115 -- Come closer, and I'll hurt the rest of you.
ga981116 -- I feel creative today. - Yup, I feel the need to express myself. - But I can't do that now, can I?! I ate his paste.
ga981117 -- - - It's "National Pretend-You're-Not-Stupid Day".
ga981118 -- When Jon has a bad hair day, he wears a hat. - - Must be having a bad FACE day.
ga981119 -- We should be thankful for this meal. - - Some of us should, anyway.
ga981120 -- Must you watch while I eat? You call that eating?! - Your chewing rhythm is way out of sync! - Go away. No, no! The fork angle is all wrong!
ga981121 -- Garfield, it's not fair that I sit here tonight... - And out there are thousands of women... - Who will never know the thrill of my company. Unfair yet merciful.
ga981122 -- - - I'm going to the kitchen. Want me to bring you anything? Uh...no thanks. - sklish sklish sklish - BURP sklish sklish - sklish sklish - I think I just had an out-of-stomach experience. Hey! Where's the olive loaf?!
ga981123 -- Hello, scale. Greetings, you chubbiness! - It's that time of year again. Time to rotate your cellulite? - Time to change your batteries. Hey there, Skinny!
ga981124 -- AWWWWWWWWWW - WWWWWWWWWW ? - WWWWWWWWWWW
ga981125 -- Weight? Sure. - Fat. Rats. - Same ol' Same ol'
ga981126 -- - STOMP! - Ow, and ick.
ga981127 -- AIE-YI-YI! - WHOO-EEE! - WHOA, MOMMA! Get me a hammer.
ga981128 -- Shields are down forty percent, captain! - Hull breach on decks four and five! - I hate you. Man the escape pods...I repeat...
ga981129 -- Oh, no... bzzzzz - zzzzzz Land. - zzzzzz Land, land, land, land... - Land, land, land, land, land, land, land, land... - zzzt - Cough zzzzz -
ga981130 -- Cats are mysterious creatures. - squeak squeak - And scary.
ga981201 -- Odie is on the trail of whoever stole his food. - - I've been expecting you.
ga981202 -- MEYARRRRP! - Cats can make some very strange sounds. - Combination meow, yawn and burp!
ga981203 -- ? - Christmas is coming. -
ga981204 -- Dear Santa, I am writing this for my cat. - He would like you to bring him ten thousand pizzas. Anything else? - And an antacid table.
ga981205 -- - You ate the ENTIRE BOWL of hard candy?! - rattle rattle rattle.
ga981206 -- ? - Okay, here we go....aaannnd... - CRAAASH! - Okay, okay, I know what I did wrong...let's try that again... - WHUMP! KSSSHH! - All right, wise guy...you're gonna stand up or else!! - FUMP CRASH! AAARRRGGHH Christmas tree: 3 Jon: 0
ga981207 -- Merry Christmas, son. Love, mom and dad. - And the cow, and the chicken, and the horse... - ...and the pig, and the other cow... Wake me when you get past the bull.
ga981208 -- slam! - That gift-wrapping girl down at the mall sure was cute. Did you talk to her? - He talked to her.
ga981209 -- Merry Christmas, you cappucino-sippin', biscotti-munchin'.... - soft-bellied, city-boy sissy. - Love, Doc Boy. Nothin' like a brother.
ga981210 -- And now back to "Bartholomew, the Centipede Who Saved Christmas". - ** - That is A LOT of snowshoes.
ga981211 -- Sigh... - I just can't seem to get into the holiday mood. - I did it again. NOW I feel Christmasy.
ga981212 -- Rats! THUNK OW! K-K-K-K-K WOOAAHH - CRAAASSSHH! tinkle tinkle tinkle - Decorating has begun. ZZZT! YAAHH!
ga981213 -- - Almost done decorating, boys. - All that's left is to put on the star. - - AAAAA!! - What happened to the top of the tree?! -
ga981214 -- The lights are up! - The switch is thrown! - The fuse is blown. And the tradition lives on.
ga981215 -- I saw a real cute girl at the mall standing under mistletoe, so I kissed her. - But it was a mannequin. - Did you know their heads pop right off. So, are you seeing her again?
ga981216 -- So, spider, do you have a Santa Claus too? Oh, sure. Just like yours. - He rides in a sleigh pulled by eight tiny houseflies. Who makes his toys? - Gnats. Should've guessed.
ga981217 -- Hel-LO, Patti....it's Jon Arbuckle, the guy of your dreams. - And what would YOU like for Christmas? - An unlisted phone number, you say. Ho, ho, ow.
ga981218 -- What is it about Christmas that fills my heart so? - Is it the lights, the presents, the smiles on the faces of little children, the feeling of good will that fills the air?... - Yeah...definitely the presents.
ga981219 -- * Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells... - You're flat. No, I'm not. - Yes, you are.
ga981220 -- Ahhh... - I love this time of year. - A wondrous eason for young and old alike... - A special time of year when all observer: - Peace on earth... - ROWR - And good will toward men.
ga981221 -- Okay, Garfield. - I'll put your presnet under the tree if you promise not to peek You have my solemn vow. - By the way, what's with the drill? What drill?
ga981222 -- If you peek at your present, I'll tell Santa. - - And he's already not too happy with you for eating his milk and cookies last year. You HAD to bring that up, didn't you?!
ga981223 .. I'm resisting... I'm resisting... I'm resisting... - Oh, who am I kidding? -
ga981224 -- Did you leave milk and cookies out for Santa? Get real, Jon. - A big fat guy who's driving all night doesn't want milk and cookies. - T-bone steak and a pot of coffee?
ga981225 -- - - Merry Christmas!
ga981226 -- I know that sweater mom made for you doesn't fit too tell... - But it's the thought that counts. - That's what scares me.
ga981227 -- - beep bip boop boop bip boop bip - Hi, are you a woman? - ...are you single? - Great! Wanna go out new year's eve?! - *CLICK* - boop bip beep boop bip beep bip Hope springs eternal.
ga981228 -- Sigh...Christmas is over...the presents are unwrapped. - ...the candy is eaten... - ALL of it! Joy to the world.
ga981229 -- Karen, sweetie, howzabout ringing in the new year with jolly JonnyA.? - CLICK Hello? Hello? - Where did I go wrong? The part where you dialed.
ga981230 -- I can't get a date for new year's eve. - I hate to let such a nice corsage go to waste. - BURP It didn't. I smell carnations.
ga981231 -- 5-4-3-2-1... - HAPPY NEW YEAR! going! - It's not official until the spider drops. Hi, mom!
ga990101 -- How was your new yearr's party? I had a blast. - - And how was your microwave popcorn and late-late show? I hate you.
ga990102 -- So the new year's party was a blast, huh? - Sure was. - I saved you some confetti.
ga990103 -- - munch munch munch munch - - - - - ?
ga990104 -- This is one monday that's NOT gonna get me... - Because I'm not getting out of bed! Uh, Garfield... - Why are you sleeping in your sandbox?
ga990105 -- Odie is off on an around-the-world balloon trip! - - Altitude permitting.
ga990106 -- Show me happy, Garfield. - Now show me sad, Garfield. - Forget it. Good, my face was starting to hurt.
ga990107 -- I feel like I have a skinny cat inside me. - - And he's hungry.
ga990108 -- Sigh - There's a very fine line between terminal boredom... - And friday nights around here. - Okay, time to play "Connect the Freckles"!
ga990109 -- Everything I did today went wrong. - Not me! - You didn't do anyhting today, did you? A minor detail.
ga990110 -- - - roll roll roll - PHOOT - bweeeeeeeeen - BWING - * DONG - I'll get the door. You do that. Auntie em! Auntie em!
ga990111 -- Hi, this is Jon Arbuckle. - I'd like to order a large pizza with everything, to be delivered. Thank you. - Now THERE'S a little tape that's gouing to come in handy.
ga990112 -- Three things that can never come quickly enough. - Birthdays, Christmas... - And the pizza delivery guy.
ga990113 -- ** DING-DONG - OH, BABY! - HEEEEELP!!! Drop the pizza and play dead!
ga990114 -- CHOMP! - YAAAHH! - Ha! These hot peppers aren't bad at all. Oh...there are hot peppers?
ga990115 -- sniff sniff sniff sniff  sniff sniff sniff - - Some of us happen to LIKE anchovies, okay?
ga990116 -- Hey, cat, what didja get on your pizza? - BURRRP - Garlic.
ga990117 -- No?... - WHY won't you go out with me, Denise? Give it to me straight... - - - - - Okay, you're trying to tell me something here, aren't you? The dawn breaks.
ga990118 -- Getting up, Garfield? Nah. - I'm just not motivated. - Your blanket's on fire. Yes, but it's a tiny fire.
ga990119 -- - kick - Am I good or what?
ga990120 -- Smile, Jon! - Then you can be like me... - Insincere.
ga990121 -- Hey, Jon, having a bad hair day? - - Happy now? Don't ever do that again.
ga990122 -- I have GOT to meet that girl over there, Garfield. - Hi! Wanny arm-wrestle? - PIG! SLAP! The undisputed king of the opening line.
ga990123 -- Soetimes life is perfect. - - Not MY life, of course. What are you looking at?
ga990124 -- - BARK - All right, you dumb mutt...tha's it! - Get ready for a good pounding! - SWOOSH - SLURRRP! - You didn't see that!
ga990125 -- You're new around here. Just moved in. - Vermin's the name...Herman Vermin! And hey, as long as we're talking here... - What exactly does one take to a hole-warming party?
ga990126 -- click - click - GARFIELD!
ga990127 -- The terrified mouse, in mortal fear for his life, tears across the living room floor... - ...with the mighty hunter in hot pursuit! - Oh, the pulse-pounding thrill of observing nature in the raw.
ga990128 -- Bill...Bill... - "H. Vermin"? - Herman, you really shouldn't give out this address. Hey! I already may be a winner!
ga990129 -- - Well? Do something! - No Loitering *I* could have done that!
ga990130 -- I thought you were after the mouse. - I was. - Then I remembered we had popcorn.
ga990131 -- tick tick tick tick - Wakey, wakey! Stop tormenting me. - Hey, you think it's easy being an alarm clock?! - Sniff...everyone hates me! I feel so alone! - THE WORLD IS SO CRUEL! Sorry...I had no idea. - Snif...I'm all right...just one more
ga990131 -- thing. What? - RIIINNNNG!!! I need explosives.
ga990201 -- NOK-NOK Who is it? Monday. - Come back tomorrow! Sorry, that's my day off. - Howzabout early next week?
ga990202 -- SOMEBODY threw away all of my shirts except this one. I * Cats I didn't do it! I swear! - -
ga990203 -- - Did you see my cheese danish? - Briefly.
ga990204 -- You don't respect me one teensy bit. - Not one eensy.weensy-teensy-weensy bit. - You can stop me anytime, you know. Throw in a few more weensies and I might.
ga990205 -- Any moment, that phone will ring, Garfield. - RING Ha! And it will be a beautiful woman desiring a date! - No, I am NOT plagued by unsightly nose hair. So close.
ga990206 -- I can't stop to visit. - - Well, I can stop, but I don't want to visit.
ga990207 -- - I am Lorenzo Garbanzo. - Many years ago you sent my grandfather to that big web in the sky... - Then you offed pop! - So I, Lorenzo Garbanzo, am here to avenge my ancestors! - SMACK! - Forgive me, grandfather. A proud yet squishy people.
ga990208 -- * RIIING - Hello? I'm back. - He WHAT?!! I'm gone again.
ga990209 -- That was Mrs. Woonduck. - Hmm...Woondick...Woonduck...hmmmm...Woon-duck...hmm...Woonduck...hmm... - You noogied her schnauzer. Oh yeah, the yeller.
ga990210 -- The complaints I get about you! I'm surprised you don't have a criminal record! - - I don't want to know... The food's not as bad as they say.
ga990211 -- Yes, Mrs. Nostrum?...your clothesline? ...uh.huh?... - Your best sheets? ...your chihuahua? ...I'm terribly sorry. It won't happen again... - I'm nailing your pet door shut. That's a lovely shade of vermilion you're sporting.
ga990212 -- Mrs. Peebrik wants to know what you did with her little dog. - - Look up. EEEEEEK!!! Amazing stuff, duct tape.
ga990213 -- You have terrorized the entire neighborhood this week! I hope you're happy! - And wipe that smile off your face! - Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ga990214 -- - pat pat - Uh-oh - - - -
ga990215 -- - - -
ga990216 -- - It needs something. - Yery funny!
ga990217 -- WHOCK! ? - - GARFIELD!!!
ga990218 -- - - That snowman needs to blow his carrot.
ga990219 -- I've stockpiled a gazillion snowballs to do battle with Garfield. - - I went with quality, not quantity.
ga990220 -- pat pat Rats! This is taking too long! And my hands are freezing. - I know! I'll go in and get the ice cream scoop! Good thinking! - And while you're at it, bring me the melon baller!
ga990221 -- - - - - - -
ga990222 -- Whew! Okay, let's go outside. - Boys? - YES?
ga990223 -- If you are cold, you can use one of my sweaters. Thanks. - - NOT TO START A FIRE! Make up your mind.
ga990224 -- My new goldfish has vanished. - What do you suppose happened to it, Garfield? He left you this note. - "I'm going on vabation"? That's supposed to be "vacation".
ga990225 -- Okay, I got ANOTHER goldfish. - If you're good, I'll let you name him. - How about "second helping"?
ga990226 -- - Ah-choo. Gesundheit. - GARFIELD!
ga990227 -- Z - GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK - Z
ga990228 -- - tic - - - ploonk clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap GARFIELD!
ga990301 -- SNIIIIIFFFFFFFF - ...NYAAAACCKK-KOFF HACK HACK KOFF KOFF AACCK - Monday air.
ga990302 -- Why can't YOU smile like that? - - *I* haven't been using your toothbrush.
ga990303 -- I am NOT dull! - - thud
ga990304 -- I think I'll take a nap. - - I think I'll stay awake.
ga990305 -- I'm a complicated guy, Ellen. - Sort of a puzzle. - Like connect the dots. Poor Ellen, poor, poor, poor Ellen.
ga990306 -- - HONK - Scare you, Garfield? No, but I did swallow my teddy bear.
ga990307 -- squeek squeek - Garfield and Odie * - It's time the boys learn to share. - Dinner! - SMACK! - May we have a word with you?
ga990308 -- To prepare your bird for roasting, you'll need bread, stuffing, and three eggs. - But before we do that... - Why don't we play with it a little? bat bat swipe bat The All-Cat Cooking Channel.
ga990309 -- Notice when I throw the ball...the dog fetches it. - A cat won't do that. - And why not? Does the word PRIDE ring a bell?
ga990310 -- Coming up next... - "Mind Readers". - I knew that.
ga990311 -- ...and lastly, we flambe our souffle with an acetylene torch! - ahhhh-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!! FOOOSH YAAAH! - Please stand by: "Psych Chef" is currently experiencing technical difficulties. "Technical"? Grab him! Grab him!
ga990312 -- Taking a look at tomorrow's weather... - The high temperature will be between 40 below zero and 200 above! - This guy's never wrong.
ga990313 -- Then we place our casserole into the oven and let it bake for 45 minutes. - ** hmm hmm hmm * - This part of the program usually gets pretty boring. Anyone know any good jokes?
ga990314 -- Sigh - You know, Arlene... Yes, Garfield? - There's only one person for me. Yeeees? - One person, worthy of my adoration... Oh, Garfield. - Me. - But enough about me. You talk about me for a while. - ...or not.
ga990315 -- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! clap clap clap - - Would you mind applauding a little longer? I only have 37 seconds worth of material.
ga990316 -- The Amazing Odie will now attempt to read his own mind! - - Sorry, folks, you can get your money back at the door.
ga990317 -- - -
ga990318 -- Hi, everyone, we're The Puppet Friends! - Will you be our friend? You silly, EVERYONE loves puppet friends! - DEATH TO PUPPETS! Except for that moron in the second row! Yeah, steop closer and say that, punk!
ga990319 -- So the guy says, "Hey, I thought thet was your face!" - But, I wanna tell you... bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz - I hate these barber conventions.
ga990320 -- It's great to see all you cool cats out there! - Arf! Security!
ga990321 -- - - - - - - - - - - munch munch munch
ga990322 -- Inside here, it's warm and cozy. - Out there is tribulation. - HEY! BIG SOCK SALE TODAY! I rest my case.
ga990323 -- Have you seen Odie? No. - WHUMP! - So NOW what do you have to say? Obviously we're dealing with an inferior adhesive.
ga990324 -- Hmm hmm * - GAAAH - See what *I* have to endure? Very funny!
ga990325 -- Wow! Van Gogh cut off his ear for the woman he loved. - - I wonder what I could cut off? How about that last shred of dignity?
ga990326 -- Fine, Ellen, don't go out with me! - I don't want your sympathy! - Unless that work! And he can go even lower, lady.
ga990327 -- It's cold today. - I'm wearing socks. - Even my sock puppet is wearing a sock.
ga990328 -- ** DING DONG - ** DING DONG - ? - ** DING DONG - - * DING- - * DONG
ga990329 -- Garfield, how would you like a nice treat? - Lay it on me! - It's sort of a rap polka thing. Suckered again!
ga990330 -- I framed a picture of my hero. - Cyrillys Damian, inventor of the accordion. - Just before his execution. There IS justice in the world.
ga990331 -- And now, everyone's favorite polka band... - "The Geek Boys"! - ACCORDION RULES! YESSS! It's the end of the world.
ga990401 -- I made out my will, Garfield. Can I have the fridge? - I want to be cremated... - And have my ashes spread over my accordion. Oh, but we'll be creamting your accordion as well.
ga990402 -- Will Jon come up with something to do this weekend? - The crowd is on the edge of their seats... - POLKA! Single file...exit to the left.
ga990403 -- - - Your shoes are on your knees, Jon.
ga990404 -- - - - - - - Round table.
ga990405 -- Uh-oh. - I can feel it coming. It's gonna be a... - bad hair day.
ga990406 -- I sleep a lot. - Sometimes I don't know if I'm awake or dreaming. - And then sometimes I get a little hint.
ga990407 -- You know, there are times when I honestly feel you don't respect me. - HUHHH - Take now for an instance.
ga990408 -- Look, Garfield! A chest hair! Are you sure? - Only REAL men have chest hair...virile, rugged men... I feel thet's just a piece of lint. - OWIEEE Who, it IS a hair.
ga990409 -- Garfield, the weekend has officially started! - - Yup, we are now one minute into the weekend. Wake me when it's over.
ga990410 -- I'm off to conquer the world! - - Maybe the world is this way. I wouldn't know.
ga990411 -- tap tap - - - pat pat pat BURP - - Mint? Why, thank you. - You know, if you're not careful, you're going to spoil me.
ga990412 -- This isn't water... - This is COOKING OIL! - So much for sparrow fondue.
ga990413 -- I'm going to stand motionless in the backyard. - Until lunch. - If you know what I mean. Get back here!
ga990414 -- I may look like a cat, but I'm actually a REALLY big sparrow. - - We must do a worm sometime.
ga990415 -- - CHOMP - Hey! Where's my rubber ducky?!
ga990416 -- - - Mrs. Feeney, I may have a clue to the fate of "Mister Sweetywings".
ga990417 -- May I please eat you for lunch? - No, you may not. - Civilty is overrated.
ga990418 -- - - Yeees! - - - The ice cubes have hardened! - Garfield! How many times have I told you never to make eye contact with tha tman?!
ga990419 -- I'm in good mood. - - I wonder if I'm up to something?
ga990420 -- Starting contest! - - At each other, you idiot!
ga990421 -- That's odd. - Ever have deja vu? No. - That's ood.
ga990422 -- My future is looking bright! - - CRAMP! CRAMP! Has the future started yet?
ga990423 -- Ever hear one of those voices inside you, Garfield? - A voice telling you to do something wild and crazy?... - I'm putting on a kilt! Obeying his inner nerd.
ga990424 -- Jon isn't speking to me. - I think. - I'm not listening to him.
ga990425 -- Hmmm... - I feel like a snack...maybe that last piece of pie... - BURP - Or those two hot dogs... BURRRRRRP BURRRRRRP - Or the three buffalo wings... BRAAP BRAAP BRAAP - Or the six-pack of soda pop... YURP-YURP YURP-YURP YURP-YURP - Is there
ga990425 -- ANYthing left? How about a nice refrigerator bulb?
ga990426 -- Catch the cat! Catch the cat! - Say, isn't that a tail? - Catch the tail! Catch the tail! Dogs...you gotta love 'em.
ga990427 -- Beware Of Dog What's this? - This sign is past its expiration date. - Hi!
ga990428 -- What a pathetic excuse for a dog! - Grrr - Check that...
ga990429 -- Hey, dog. Your x-rays are back. - See that tiny dot? That's your brain. - Why can't we all just learn to laugh at ourselves?!
ga990430 -- Beware of Insulting Dog. - I wonder what that means? - Excuse me, SIR. When is the litter due? Ahhh.
ga990501 -- Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - Grrrrr Are you going to bark or what? - I'll get to it! Okay?! Well, I don't have all day.
ga990502 -- Yeeeeeeessss... - * Hmm hmm hmmmm - Mighty fine... - Lookin' good, big guy. - Whaddaya think, Garfield? - Let me see... - By golly, you're right!
ga990503 -- Jon! I just had a terrible nightmare! - - Although it wasn't nearly as bad as this.
ga990504 -- - - Did Odie give you my message?
ga990505 -- Plain popcorn, no salt, no butter. - Sounds good. - It'll go great with my plain salt, no butter, no popcorn, and plain butter, no popcorn, no salt.
ga990506 -- All the food is gone! - - Aand...you were going somehwere with this?
ga990507 -- It's a dark and scary night, Garfield. - They say cats can sense when evil is present. - So, is it? No, but my geek sensor just went wild.
ga990508 -- I've gotta be me! - - Couldn't you be somebody else?
ga990509 -- Z - Garfield...wake up! tap tap Z - It's me, the leftover dork chop from the fridge... - You should have eaten me when you had the chance, fat boy. - Because I've glued you to your bed, and have a one-way ticket to Aruba! - So long, sucker!
ga990509 -- nggghhgghh Z - YAAHH Sounds like the pork-chop nightmare "yaahh".
ga990510 -- You only date adventurous men? - Hey, adventure is my middle name! - I once inhaled a cheeseball. On purpose.
ga990511 -- I can tell how interested a woman is in me by the way she strolls by. - ZOOM - I don't know...she was a little to blurred to tell.
ga990512 -- Ellen, know what I'd like to do? - Run over there and sweep you off your feet! - She's nailing herself to the floor. Ouch.
ga990513 -- Hello? Yes, this is he...a date?...with me? This friday night?! - Pinch me, I must be dreaming! - AAAARRRGGHH!
ga990514 -- Garfield, I'd like you to meet my date. - - You don't have a date, do you? I'd sure like to meet her, too.
ga990515 -- Some days everything goes right. - - I read that in a book. The one that gave you the paper cut?
ga990516 -- - Well hello, Mister Butterfly. - How lovely you are... - Your wings like beautiful paintings... - Your graceful flight like. - HOOO! - Your feet like ice cubes. Sorry.
ga990517 -- Okay, what's the grin for? - You did something, didn't you? - Was there any property damage or loss of life? Define "life".
ga990518 -- Odie is guarding his dish. - rrrrrrrrrrrr - And he's darn good at it, too. munch munch rrrrr DOG FOOD
ga990519 -- I had that falling dream again. - You know, the one where I fall? - I woke up before I hit bottom, though. That is one man's opinion.
ga990520 -- - Okay. - Litter box has been changed. About time.
ga990521 -- You know, Mona, I just know you're going to say you'll go out with me. - Know why? - I'm wearing my lucky socks. I guess the choice is out of her hands.
ga990522 -- * - ** - Got a new can opener case!
ga990523 -- - boing boing pant pant pant - - pant pant pant BOING BOING - Garfield, have you seen Od- - IIIIEEEE SLIP THUD - SLURP AAAGGHH
ga990524 -- My next guest needs no introduction. - - Psst! You're on! Oh. Anyone for radio?
ga990525 -- Hello and welcome to "Hit Me With A Hammer!" - I'm your host, Twink Winkerman, and tonight we'll OW - Suck it up, Twink, you big baby! Oh yeah?! Baby THIS! OW! Television's finest hour.
ga990526 -- This week on "Unfinished Sentence Theater," we will- - Thanks for watch- - Tune in again- AAGGGH!
ga990527 -- And now it's time to play "Block That Kick!" - Our first contestant is Michael!...ready, Mike? Huh? - BOOF GAAHH THAT'S going to raise a welt.
ga990528 -- Welcome to "Watching Paint Dry Theater". - - It's a rerun. Don't tell me how it turns out!
ga990529 -- Welcome to "Is It Good?," in which we invite you, the viewer... - -to send us your old leftovers from the back of your refrigerator! - Contestant number one...is-it-GOOD? Hmmm... SNIFF IT! SNIFF IT!
ga990530 -- Sigh... - - - - Rats!... - I just can't get comfortable! - Z
ga990531 -- Come on, Garfield, let's be honest. Does anything I say ever get through to you? - - Y'know, I think that mole on your neck is getting bigger.
ga990601 -- Time to get some household chores done. - BOOT! - Break time.
ga990602 -- Remember, kids, pigs are an excellent source of an important nutrient. - Bacon grease. - Occasionally I put the humor aside and do my part for education.
ga990603 -- Some people aren't lucky in love. Like my aunt Edna. - They never find the right one. She married a hyena. - But still you hope. Oh sure, he was a lot of laughs...
ga990604 -- I had a date last night, Garfield. - She was a little older than I expected. - Orpha, this id Jon. I have your teeth. Oh baby, baby.
ga990605 -- I have two hundred french fries in my mouth! - You're disgusting. - He hates to see me break his record.
ga990606 -- - - ? - - - - BONK OW!
ga990607 -- Maybe I'll be like you today, Garfield... - Lazy! - Another convert.
ga990608 -- Life is passing you by. - Every moment you lie there is another one you'll never have back, you know. That's okay. I won't miss them. - Especially the ones spent staring up your nose.
ga990609 -- Time for me to not do some sit-ups. - - How's it going? Darn. Made me lose count.
ga990610 -- Look at you... - Just LOOK at you! -
ga990611 -- You're lucky to have me around. - - Luck isn't what it used to be.
ga990612 -- It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown! - - And you say I never exercise.
ga990613 -- - I suppose you're wondering why I have this sack on my head. - Well, I have this big, ugly zit on my face... - And it looks so horrific I don't want it seen. - ** DING-DONG That's my date. - I hope she understands. -
ga990614 -- - SMACK - Your birthday is coming soon. I know. I marked the calendar.
ga990615 -- Would you like a birthday party this year, Garfield? We could invite all of your friends. - - More cake for him.
ga990616 -- I remember my 21st birthday, back on the farm... - We played "Pin the Tail on the Donkey"...with a real donkey! - I can't recall much after that. This explains a lot.
ga990617 -- You shouldn't worry about turning 21. I had an uncle who lived to be 21. Really? - I remember what he always used to say to me... What was that? - "Who the heck are you?!"
ga990618 -- This is Garfield's birthday present. - He'll never figure out what it is. - Not until I tuen my flashlight on...
ga990619 -- Yes, yes, I know it's my birthday. - You don't have to rub it in. - Then again, perhaps you do.
ga990620 -- * dingle dingle - dingle * - * dingle - * dingle - * dingle - THOOMP - GARFIELD!!
ga990621 -- I feel very up today, Garfield. - Birds are singing. The sun is shining. - And my nose rash is dissipating! I wish YOU'D disspiate.
ga990622 -- I love you, Odie. - Always stay the way you are! - Bronze him.
ga990623 -- Everyone has their breaking point. - Little things that drive them crazy. - bbbbb Like lip flipping.
ga990624 -- Walking is good exercise. - - But you have to take more than one step. There's always a string attached!
ga990625 -- I can't believe you ate Dicky bird! - Never again to hear thoe little feet scampering around the cage! Relax. - The little feet might still be in there.
ga990626 -- I bought dancing shoes! - - The don't seem to work. Maybe there's an on/off switch.
ga990627 -- - Z - UUHHNNYAHHH - GAHOOOOOOOOOO - HEEEEYUHHHHH - HUHYEEEYAHHH - Go do your sit-ups outside!
ga990628 -- ** DING-DONG I wonder who that could be. - ** DING-DONG Oh, well, at least I know who it's NOT...he's too short to reach the doorbell. - TAH-DAAAH! AAARRRGH! smack!
ga990629 -- Greetings, old and fat one! - Is the door sagging, or is that you? - You used to be cute. Now I'm precious.
ga990630 -- Nermal, what brings you here? I though I'd drop by for a short visit. - So, you've packed on a few pounds, have't xou? - My, my, my...that WAS a short visit!
ga990701 -- Hey, look who I found on the lawn! That's bcause I PUT him there. - I'll leave you two to visit. So, aside from the bigger belly and extra chin, what else is new? - Garfield, do you feel a draft?
ga990702 -- Now, Garfield, Nermal came to visit you...be nice. - Yeah...I thought fat folks were supposed to be jolly. - Hee, hee, ha, ho, ho, ha, ho.
ga990703 -- How do you stay so cute? - It's a gift, chunky...a gift. - What was that flush I heard? I just put Nermal's "gift" in layaway.
ga990704 -- * - Ah, this is the life... - Kicking back and relaxing in my very own po-... - Garfield?! What are you doing up on the roof? - CANNONBALL! GAAHHH - SPLOOSH - That was fun! Blow it up again! Kindly remove your foot from my nostril so that I
ga990704 -- may kill you.
ga990705 -- Some people travel the world. - And here I sit with you. - I feel sorry for them, too.
ga990706 -- Sit! - - Good boy!
ga990707 -- Know what drives me nuts? - - I'm not telling YOU. Oh, come on, I can always use new ideas.
ga990708 -- There's nothing Jon enjoys more... - Than rubbing my tummy. - If he knows what's good for him.
ga990709 -- Garfield, have you ever regretted any of the awful things you've done to me while I'm sleeping? - Yes. - This isn't one of them, though.
ga990710 -- - I'm spending saturday night with a fat, worthless cat! - Tht fat part was uncalled for.
ga990711 -- - * DING - * DING - * DING - * DING - * DING - Ted's Dong Repair.
ga990712 -- Ah yes, it's good to be back at the ol' diner! - Hi, hon! What can I get you? For starters, a spatula. - My hands are stuck to the counter. Some things never change.
ga990713 -- Mmm...I love the smells of a diner... - Irma, what's that smell? Something sizzling on the grill? Naw. - That's chef Tony. I'll be hitchhiking home now.
ga990714 -- How about you ham, Irma? - Is it fresh? - Oink Yes. Check.
ga990715 -- I'd like a glass of juice, please. - What kind? Orange, sauerkraut, grapefruit or pickle? Uhh...orange. -
ga990716 -- What's this? ...your "He-Man Burger"? - That's a five-pound patty of ground beef on a bun. Five pounds?! Who who could eat such a thing? - uhh-EEE-yah-EEE-yaaah thump thump thump thump
ga990717 -- This coffee is great, Irma! Thanks, hon. I ground the beans myself. - CLOP CLOP CLOP - Why is she wearing golf shoes? I'd rather not know.
ga990718 -- - - dig dig dig - dig dig dig dig dig - dig dig dig dig dig dig - - dig dig dig dig That's deep enough, Odie!
ga990719 -- - AIIIEEEEEE YAH YAH YAH YAH YAAAAHHHH - Anything interesting today? Nah, just bills.
ga990720 -- The next time I see you two, I expect you to be doing something worthwile. - You know what that means, Odie? - We'll never see Jon again.
ga990721 -- I have a real problem with your attitude latey, mister! - That, and your - Short attention span.
ga990722 -- Do you think your life can have an impact on the world? - Absolutely. - Have you noticed that there are fewer sparrows around here than there used to be?
ga990723 -- RING - I won't go out with you! - I wonder who that was? Rejected by wrong numbers! SMACK
ga990724 -- You need to eat a more balanced diet. - Balanced? - You mean as in more than one kind of donut?
ga990725 -- - - Hi, mouse. Hi, cat. - So, what are you standing here for? - I'm waiting for my carpool. Carpool? - Oh, right...a mouse carpool! That's a hot one! slam! screeee - Care to explain this? Mind if I don't?
ga990726 -- Pooky's looking a little dirty...what say I run him through the wash? - My teddy bear is NOT dirty! - Dusty, maybe.
ga990727 -- So long, old pal! - Have a safe journey! sniff - Bon voyage! You have no idea how much pressure I'm under.
ga990728 -- Pooky is in the wash this morning. - You'll just have to find a subsitute for the next hour. - Uh, Garfield. Shh. Pooky doesn't talk.
ga990729 -- Okay, Pooky made it through the wash cycle...I'm adding fabric softener now. - No...this instead. - Conditioner.
ga990730 -- Okay, Garfield, here comes Pooky... - All clean and fresh from the dryer! -
ga990731 -- There he is, fresh from the dryer and all clean! What do you think? - LICK - Missed a spot.
ga990801 -- - DING-DONG ** - - Mrs. Feeny is at the door. - She claims you epoxied her weimaraner to a cross-town bus. - Is this true? No! - I swear!
ga990802 -- Respect is an important part of a pet-owner relationship, Garfield. - Wouldn't you agree? - Perhaps you wouldn't.
ga990803 -- Gee, I didn't know we had any of those flavored coffees. - - I found your cough drop. sniff
ga990804 -- Looky, Garfield! Looky! - Looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, - Hello, doctor? Could you reboove a rubber bouse frub by dose? One "lloky" too many.
ga990805 --- You missed a spot. - Work, work, work, work, work, work, work!
ga990806 -- Mr. Smith, I'm calling to ask permission to marry your daughter. - No, we haven't had a date yet...dad. - That's rather unkind, Mr. Smith. We like to alienate the entire family.
ga990807 -- CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH - - Usually you let the seeds grow, and then you eat the plant. I'm not a spatient as I used to be.
ga990808 -- - RIIING! - Congratulations, lucky contestant! Answer just two questions and win, win, win! - Question one: What is the sound a cat makes? Meyow. - Correct! And for the GRAND prize, question two: what is the sound a DOG makes?! - DUHHHHHHH -
ga990808 -- I doubt if I was eligible anyway.
ga990809 -- Many viewers are asking: - "Can television sink any lower?" - Let's find out! All right!
ga990810 -- Welcome to "Scary Theater". - Tonight's feature: "The Cat Who Shed on the Furniture". - What's so scary about- AIEEEE!
ga990811 -- Sorry, kids, but Binky the Clown isn't feeling well today. - Filling in for him is his brother...Mel the Accountant! - Today we'll be discussing the importance of saving receipts... Sounds funny coming from a guy in a gree wig.
ga990812 -- Mr. Smith, you say you can communicate with plants? That's right. - Hello, Mr. Plant, how are you? I am fine, Mr. Smith. - Hey! I saw your lips move! 149 channels to go.
ga990813 -- A report states television viewing destroys brain cells. - Let me repeat that for our frequent viewers. - TV...duh! I am highly offended.
ga990814 -- Hey, handsome, how's your aftershave? - C'mere...come closer...closer... - Uh...that's close enough, dork boy. Et tu, TV?
ga990815 -- - I'm bored. - I have gum and a potted plant stuck on my head. - A meteorite just crushed my car. - And there's a gian gorilla on the roof... - ...swatting at airplanes. - You have gum?
ga990816 -- Jon says gluttony will kill me. - That was true of my uncle Morty. - He tried to take a papaya from a silverback gorilla.
ga990817 -- Odie has a personality all his own! - - Nobody else wanted it.
ga990818 -- I wish you wouldn't attack the mailman. - - YAAHH!! HELP! HELLLlllp And while I'm at it, I also wish I had a million dollars and a new car.
ga990819 -- I warned you about laziness, Garfield. - You can't just lie around all day. - You gotta be alert. Just open the bag.
ga990820 -- You WOULD like to go to a movie?! - With me?! - Rats. You had to press it, didn't you?
ga990821 -- IT'S TIME TO GET UP, GARFIELD! - Excellent, Jon! You've never yelled better! - Z
ga990822 -- - - - Is that it? Is that the best you can do?! - That was nothin'! Come on! Gimme your best shot! - - Better.
ga990823 -- Garfield, we have a mouse problem. - Oh, you can't see them, but they're here. - I can sense it. Cool it, guys.
ga990824 -- I had a dream that you caught a mouse. - Sounds silly, doesn't it? Not at all. - I have dreams all the time.
ga990825 -- Go, Garfield, go! - All right! - Beat him to the last cookie!
ga990826 -- That's it! If I see one more mouse around here, you're grounded! - - Let me rephrase that. No, no, I LIKE the concept!
ga990827 -- The mice are out of hand, Garfield! - And that upsets me! - Okay, everybody, group hug! Group hug!
ga990828 -- I'm moving out. - You're going to be proud of me! - Much better.
ga990829 -- BZZZzzzzzzzz - Darn ol' fly. BZZZzzzzz - ZZZZ... CLAP! - Got him! - BZZZZZZ- - BZZZZZZZZZZ- That's no ordinary fly. - BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ YAAAAHHH! That's a fly fueled with my coffee!
ga990830 -- Let's think happy thoughts! All right. - - Aren't you thinking happy thoughts? I'm not letting my face know.
ga990831 -- - Hi'ya, Odie! - Thanks a lot!
ga990901 -- - Never help me with the laundry again! - Let's hear it for incompetence.
ga990902 -- Here's a double helping of lasagna, Garfield, with a steak o the side. - Why, thank you so much! - And here are your car keys. Thank you so much.
ga990903 -- I'm ready for my date! - - Looking forward to it, are you? It's in three weeks!
ga990904 -- I just lost my job. I'm here to end it all. - Go ahead. Swat me. - NO. Oh, you ARE cruel.
ga990905 -- Okay, Garfield... - I'm putting this cake here and turning my back. - Let's see if you can withstand temptation. - Okay, my back is turned. - Be strong, Garfield. Hey, fat boy. You wanna piece of me?! - You can do this. Huh?! SLAP! Huh? SLAP!
ga990905 -- - Garfield, G